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April 1, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Time Text
Yes, this is Christopher Hitchens.
I would be remiss for not to express a certain gratitude to Jimmy Dore for inviting me on his program, though I believe he does present an evil more pernicious than that of Mother Teresa.
Music.
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
So sit back or sit up or keep driving.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody, and welcome to today's show.
I am joined in studio by from CinematicTitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's Frank Conniff.
Hi, Brank.
Hey, how you doing?
And from TBS's Dinner in a Movie and ask a Republican.com.
He's not a real Republican.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
Hi, Paul.
Hey, Jimmy.
Oh, can I plug a new podcast and website that I have?
The podcast is called the Mental Illness Happy Hour.
I interview artists who live with mental illness, are affected by it.
Oh, okay.
Wow, it's a little kind of screws up the rhythm of the top of the show, but I appreciate you doing it.
All right, next is Robert Yasimura from Twittering at Team Yasimura.
Hi, buddy.
How are you doing?
Can't be better.
What's coming up on today's show?
Well, President Barack Obama, the nicest Nobel Peace Prize winner to ever oversee three foreign wars and implement torture of his own military, sat down with Brian Williams to explain why he started a war in Libya and not other oppressed Arab countries where governments are killing their own people.
That's true is that when you start applying blanket policies on the complexities of the current world situation, you're going to get yourself into trouble.
That's right.
Blanket policies, bad.
Completely inconsistent policy of military intervention based on oil flow, good.
We break down the president's rationale for our third war in an Arab country.
And if we learn anything at all from Iraq and Afghanistan, it's that using military force usually works out well.
Okay, we take a look at the news media again through the lens of three recent news stories from CNN, NBC, and from a local KABC Channel 7 here in Los Angeles.
And we try to answer the question, just what is the problem with CNN?
Hint, it's not that their reporting is too good.
And we take a look at what's right with CNN.
Hint, it's not their reporting.
And a quarter of a million working people and students march in the streets of London to fight against the government screwing over the working class and students.
Plus the royal couple decided on a cake for the wedding.
And we check to see which story NBC News gave more time to.
Hint, it's the one that will piss you off.
Plus, an encore presentation of Tuesdays with moron, a new oh my God segment, and our special guest, Arab comedian Dean Obadiah Obadallah is in studio with us and he's hilarious.
Plus, a lot, lot more that's coming up on today's Jimmy Dore Show.
Music Time for another installment of Oh My God with Paul Gilmart.
It's with me now?
Okay, well today you happen to be here.
Wow.
So we're going to go with the old introduction.
How's that?
All right.
Well, there's in Montana, there's a bar owner and a state senator named Alan Hale.
And he's from Gilligan's Island?
He might be.
Well, after you hear this, you might think he's from Gilligan's Island.
So I'm going to play two Oh my God segments.
This is the first one.
He has something to say about the DUI laws in Montana, right?
These DUI laws are not doing our small businesses in our state any good.
We're destroying them.
We're destroying a way of life that has been in Montana for years and years.
These taverns and bars in these smaller communities connect people together.
They're the center of the communities.
And I'll guarantee you, there's only two ways to get there.
Either you hitchhike or you drive.
And I promise you that they're not going to hitchhike.
Oh my God.
Bringing people together one accident at a time.
I'm standing up for drunk driving.
That's the ultimate libertarian stance.
Finally, somebody pushes back.
Finally.
Is it Wyoming or Montana that has the law that it's illegal to claim that global warming is real?
Or the guy put forward a bill like that?
Yes, he did.
Yes.
So well done.
Well done, Upper West.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, you know what?
Since we got a lot to do on this show, I'm going to end the, that's it.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh my God.
Okay, and now let's move on to our top story.
I want to take a look at Barack Obama's, you know, the president has a lot of leeway that he wasn't supposed to have constitutionally.
He wasn't supposed to be able to just invade countries without congressional authorization.
But we let the president do it now.
We've been letting the president do it for, you know, decades.
So ever since World War II, pretty much.
So Channel 7 was, so he started a war.
He started bombing people in Libya.
We didn't know why what happened.
And I was watching the local news here because sometimes I don't get enough oxygen to my brain and I can't really take real information.
So I'll watch some local news.
And so here's what they, but tell me if this is interesting, the way she had to, she had to set it up.
Well, Robert, as this mission in Libya has unfolded, the public has watched and there have been a lot of questions about U.S. involvement, but few details.
But tomorrow night, President Obama's speech to the nation, we hope to get some information.
So that's what it's, so when the president takes action like that, you're left with reporters saying he's going to give us a speech about the war we're in, and we hope he gives us some information about it.
So then, and then she went and she had to interview her expert, right?
So she went and got an expert from here at the end.
This really is a defining moment in President Obama's foreign policy thus far.
Okay, well, that guy sounds like he knows what he's talking about.
Who is this guy and what is his credentials?
U.S. law school lecturer and Middle East expert Josh Lachman.
USC law school lecturer.
He's not even a professor.
He hasn't written a book.
He's just some guy.
And by the way, they're interviewing him on a corner, busy street corner.
Did you hear?
Are you sure you didn't stumble across a college broadcast journalism final?
This is what it looks like, right?
This is K. No, I don't think it's necessarily going to get bad information from this guy because on the major cable news networks, you're going to get nothing but experts who all said that going into Iraq was a good idea.
Yes.
Who are now still the experts on war and are still the people being interviewed.
I can't get enough of David From.
Oh, me neither.
But the joke here is that you kind of just took the legs right off right off from underneath this whole bit there, Frank.
I appreciate it.
But because I just, that's what they do at the local case, because they can't, they're not going to send her to Libya, right?
They're not going to get actually, and it's a Sunday, so she can't get a real expert on the phone.
So she gets some guy who has a suit coat and she can interview on the corner.
And I'm sure he's an expert, and I'm sure he's doing the interview at a busy street corner because he prefers it and not because the real professor has the keys to the office.
I'm sure it makes has it really gotten that.
And here's she wraps up her report from a location.
The president will speak from the National Defense University in Washington tomorrow night.
I'm Tony Ginyard reporting from the control room back to you in the studio, Robin.
I'm reporting from the control room.
You know, I'm about 10 feet down the hall.
I could come in the studio and just tell you this, but it makes it look like I'm actually doing some location.
Really, if she's going to really be honest, she should be reporting from the break room.
No kidding.
But you know, if she reports from the control room, she gets a per diem.
So, travel money.
Oh, there you go.
All right.
So let's get to that speech that she was talking about.
Barack Obama finally came on television, was it Monday night or Tuesday night?
And he explained why we were in why we're going into Libya, our third Arab country.
And let's play a little bit of it.
We were faced with the prospect of violence on a horrific scale.
To brush aside America's responsibility as a leader and more profoundly, our responsibilities to our fellow human beings under such circumstances would have been a betrayal of who we are.
That's right.
And he knows that it would have been a betrayal, and the American people feel that way for a fact because he read their emails using warrantless wiretaps.
I'm going to defend him.
He is not going to betray Americans' values.
I am going to defend him here and say that this is.
Let's play a little bit more, and then we'll come back and we'll sum up at the end.
Okay, so let's keep going a little bit.
We were faced with the prospect of violence on a horrific scale.
To brush aside America's responsibility as a leader and more profoundly, our responsibilities to our fellow human beings under such circumstances would have been a betrayal of who we are.
Some nations may be able to turn a blind eye to atrocities in other countries.
The United States of America is different.
That's right.
We're able to turn a blind eye to atrocities right here at home, right?
Bonusing people for kicking Americans out of their homes, a million and a half homeless children, children right here in our own country.
And don't forget, we're torturing private Bradley Manning.
We turn a blind eye to all those atrocities right here at home.
Isn't that nice?
That's what makes us different and special.
And here's the end of his speech.
And as president, I refuse to wait for the images of slaughter and mass graves before taking action.
That's right.
In fact, all he waited for was the flow of oil to be slowed down for just a couple of weeks.
And then he jumped right in.
But that, you know what?
It does.
Go ahead.
What Paul wanted to say?
How big of an oil producer is Libya?
Will they be a major player?
They're not a major, but they are a major player in sweet crude, which is actually screwing things up.
So they don't produce like volume amount of oil, but they produce a specific type of oil.
Are we talking light sweet crude, Jimmy, or just sweet crude?
I have to know to be fully bored.
Is it neutra sweet crude?
It's no hormones.
Well, the bigger concern is the chilling effect if Libya fell.
Well, if problems in Libya get worse, that it would have a problem throughout OPEC.
That's the bigger issue.
So they're not a major oil producer, though.
I mean, yeah, but the fact that it is upsetting.
It is upsetting because Saudi Arabia, because it's got to do with the amount of sulfur or something that's in the oil.
And that's what gives it its gradation of sweet or not sweet.
And the fact that they're not producing their sweet is actually throwing the markets all goofy because Saudi Arabia is trying to make up for it, but they can't because they just don't have that much of it.
So that's the thing.
They have a unique type of oil that people need.
And that's why it's such a big deal.
And that's why we went in.
I'm convinced that's why we went to the middle.
It is not a war, though.
It's not a war.
It's the proper term that they prefer you use is death orgy.
I disagree, though.
I mean, I think that they averted us a pretty substantial slaughter.
Yeah, but that is true.
And we're not going in unilaterally.
That is true.
That is true that we did.
But, you know, why there and why not somewhere else?
I think it's because of oil.
No, I think it's a good idea.
It's because they have just sweet crude.
They chose a war they could win.
They chose like, no one likes Gaddafi.
We're not winning this.
There is no opposition, by the way.
So it's.
That was the justification for a lot of people behind going into Iraq was because it's winnable.
Thomas Friedman said that on Charlie Rose.
He said it's so we can go up to every knock on every door in Iraq and say, suck on this.
You know, so it's weird that we're in a position where we're only going to war if it's winnable.
And then they turn out not to be winnable anyway.
Well, you know, the good thing is that at least Barack Obama gave his word that this is just going to be an air intervention.
We will not, I repeat, we will not deploy any U.S. troops on the ground.
See, so that's good.
There's going to be no boots on the ground.
Reuters reporting there are American boots on the ground in Libya.
President Obama has signed a secret order authorizing covert U.S. government support for rebel forces in Libya.
Okay, well, he must have just did that last night or something because he's been telling us for weeks that there's going to be no boots.
Officials tell Reuters the order was signed within the past two or three weeks.
Oh my God.
So, you know, there's a big difference between Barack Obama and George Bush.
Can I take back him?
And the difference is Barack Obama has dark skin.
I don't know if you guys noticed that, but that's a big difference.
And so when a black guy is instituting, doing the bidding of the military industrial complex, it's a lot different than when a white guy does it.
I don't know how, but it is.
Yeah.
Okay.
So now let's move.
Should we move on?
We move on.
And let's see.
Let's go back to our, I'm going to go back to our new story.
You know, it's our media that has let us down.
It's because our media is corporately owned, and we all know that.
And, okay, now let's take a look at a couple of news stories, one from CNN and one from one from NBC.
Now, CNN, I like CNN because they're right down the middle.
There are two sides to every story, right?
And that's what CNN lets you know.
Yeah, the two sides are usually the people who actually want information and the people who are masturbating, and CNN is on in the background.
Given that paradigm, yeah, I'd say they sit right down the middle of those two viewpoints.
Here's CNN profiling Republican Governor John Kasitz, a guy who was raised Catholic, but converted to evangelical Christianity to be more conservative and also so he could divorce his first wife.
Governor Kasis is currently hard at work fighting for the minorities in his state.
And by minority, I mean the 3% of Ohians who control the majority of the state's wealth.
And he's fighting hard for those poor people by cutting corporate taxes and busting those bullying unions.
Damn, unions.
Always trying to oppress the wealthy.
So here is, I'm going to play, this is about a 15-second story.
And this is how CNN covered John Kasich.
Poll shows Only 30% of Ohioans approve of the job he's doing.
But this lifelong fiscal hawker takes comfort in knowing he's in the company of other new Midwestern GOP governors who are risking their own political skin to balance their budgets.
I'm aware of the polls, but my job is to lift Ohio.
Kasich is still fighting for collective bargaining limits, arguing they're crucial to bringing public worker benefits in line with the private sector.
These are people that don't want any change.
I mean, they have a good situation and they don't want it to change.
The unions accuse the governors of turning the rust belt into the bus belt.
A lot of lifelong Republican police officers who have said that they will never vote for a Republican again.
Ohio's Republican-controlled statehouse is expected to pass this collective bargaining bill as soon as today, but the unions, get this, are already planning to put a referendum on the ballot this fall to repeal the measures.
So like the rest of the Midwest, Christine, this union battle is not over yet.
Not by a long shot.
All right, Jim Acosta, thanks, Jim.
Yeah, but working people are having to fight for their livelihoods.
It's not over.
Now, I don't know.
I want to go, but let's go back and take that.
Should we go back into, I mean, I'm sure there's a couple of things that made you guys want to pull your hair out.
Well, I like it.
All of it.
Whoever the CNN writer who wrote turns the rust belt into the bus belt needs to die immediately.
Immediately, right?
I mean, that was his point of view.
Well, we'll go back.
Let's take it from the top, right?
Let's take it from the top.
The poll shows only 30% of Ohioans approve of the job he's doing.
Only 30% of Ohioans approve of the job he's doing.
Wow.
Maybe you interview an Ohio.
But this lifelong fiscal hawker.
A lifelong fiscal hawk.
He's a fiscal hawk.
He's not a tool of corporations.
He's not a guy pushing an agenda trying to break unions so they can consolidate power.
That's not what this is about.
This is about him being a fiscal hawk.
He takes comfort in knowing he's in the company of other new Midwestern GOP governors who are risking their own political skin to balance their budgets.
They're brave.
Brave.
The bravery, the honor, the valor.
I like that he's a fiscal hawk when it comes to wealthy people's money.
Yes.
But he's free to spend working-class people's money.
Yeah, he'll take your money.
Right.
Yeah, he'll take your money all day long, but he's not going to take rich people's money.
He's fighting for the minorities.
Right.
The minority of people who own everything.
That's who he's fighting.
Okay, we'll keep going.
I'm aware of the polls, but my job is to lift Ohio.
Yeah, that's his job.
His job is to lift Ohio.
A rising tide lifts all boats, Jimmy.
That's right.
He'll take the heat because he's that kind of a big person.
Nick is still fighting for collective bargaining limits, arguing they're crucial to bringing public worker benefits in line with the private sector.
The wait it turns out if you sink one of the boats, the tide goes down.
That boat turns out to be collective bargaining.
Yeah.
Oh, it turns out.
It turns out.
Yeah, okay.
These are people that don't want any change.
I mean, they have a good situation and they don't want it to change.
They have such a sweet setup, these working class people.
Oh, the teachers.
Everybody knows teachers, cops, and firemen have it sweet.
Don't rock the boat.
This is so beautiful.
I've longed, you know, parents have long told their kids, if you're going to go when you get out of college, go into the public unions.
You will be able to buy all the hamburger helper you need.
When someone says to me, I'm going to be a public school teacher, I'm like, ooh, sweet.
You are set for life, man.
Hey, can I come to your summer house?
Exactly.
And when someone tells me that I just, either I'll say that, but secretly I'm saying money grubber.
When I was growing up, there was the Fireman Mansion District in town.
Well, on Sundays, my dad would take us driving through Brentwood and Beverly Hills to see all the teacher homes.
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, because that's where they live.
Okay, there's still still more.
So that's what he says.
Unions accuse the governors of turning the rust belt into the bus belt.
That's his positioning of the unions.
Did Rex Reed write that?
Because it rhymes?
The unions accuse.
How about the unions accuse him of balancing the budget on the backs of the working class and not for the people who actually have seen their income rise over the last 10 years?
He's balancing the budget on the people whose wages have become stagnant.
And this lovely goes, well, these people have had it pretty good and they don't want to see change.
You mean they have fought collectively through their unions for a decent wage so they can have a good middle-class life.
And now that you want to take it away, they're upset about it.
I wonder why that is.
You're doing the exact thing that they come together to band against.
Well, they're preventing, you know, eight-year-old kids from finding good jobs in coal mines.
Yeah.
Okay, here we go.
A lot of lifelong Republican police officers who have said that they will never vote for a Republican again.
But they never say why.
You know, they just say, yeah, oh, and if you're sitting at home watching that, you go, oh, well, that's just the cops are mad at he's making them pay what everybody else has to pay, which is, you know, not really what's happening.
He's really breaking their union so they can consolidate power.
Police officers.
They are not brave the way a fiscal hawk is brave.
That's right.
Ohio's Republican-controlled statehouse is expected to pass this collective bargaining bill as soon as today, but the unions, get this, are already planning to put a referendum on the ballot this fall to repeal the measures.
I love how he said, get this.
Get this.
They're already, these union guys won't give up.
They keep fighting for their economic well-being.
Can you believe it?
Why don't they just roll over and let people screw them over and then go out and work for us?
Why don't they just do that?
It's like a mom saying, like, my son just said, get this.
He's going to actually try to read.
But here's, yes.
And, you know, and by the way, I'm not saying that CNN is biased.
What I'm saying is that they are incompetent.
If you have a few reporters on a story like this and have them ask a few questions, pretty sure it isn't the story they're going to run.
Go ahead.
Go ahead, Frank.
They're always looking for the equivalency in everything.
You know, it's like if they had, you know, if they were talking about the Holocaust, they'd say, well, let's hear the Nazi point of view.
You know, it's like they feel that every issue, there's an equal position on either side of any issue.
Which may be the closest point to it being a liberal network.
Because that is the Achilles' heel of liberals as they try to see the other person's point of view.
They try to be too accommodating.
But I disagree, though, because what they do is they would go, oh, yeah, there are two sides of the Holocaust, but let's just get the press releases from both sides.
One of the most common things you'll ever hear people on CNN, and David Gregory, too, on NBC says it all the time, is, well, Democrats and Republicans are both doing it.
That's like the most common thing that they always say.
I know they love to do that.
As if there isn't an organized, the big money interest has bought off both parties.
You know what I mean?
I mean, that really is what's happening.
Barack Obama's not standing up for the people in Wisconsin, the working people.
He's not standing up.
Nobody's out there.
They need to move to Libya.
Fantastic.
But here's the good part about CNN, right?
Is that they will highlight the most horrible of Atrocities.
Like, here's a reporter talking about what's happening in Libya.
I know how Brutal Gaddafi's troops are because I was a journalist in Libya.
I went with a group of journalists in 1996.
And during a news conference, because I was considered a troublemaker, they tried to push me out of the news conference, and one of his male gods twisted my nipple.
Oh, my God.
So I didn't know.
I mean, I was against the war before, but now I think I'm for it.
I didn't know that they were using titty twisters.
I mean, I mean, we've got to get in there before they start administering senseless wedgies and Indian burns.
First of all, I know that's I'm making light of it.
That actually probably does sound outrageous.
I was on the fence of putting that in the oh my god segment.
Like, so she's at a press conference with the with Mo Mar Gaddafi, and one of his bodyguards pitches her nipple.
Yeah, the hell, I don't even know what to make of that.
By the way, at this point, Gaddafi is really just playing out the last 10 minutes of Scarface.
That's how that guy's going out.
That is what it seems like, right?
That is what it seems like.
So that means rappers are going to love him.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
You know what?
I got it to break right now because I just remembered I got a voicemail from Barack Obama yesterday.
Here we go.
Jimmy D. It's the Barack Obama, the big O, or as Gaddafi put it, the big O. Here comes another million dollar bomb.
Oh, I heard what you said about taking money from teachers so we can buy some bombs.
Haha, very funny, Mr. Professional Left.
We didn't use any teacher money on this war.
The problem with your little theory is that those bombs were already bought long ago.
Most of those bombs were purchased with the money we saved by not shoring up the New Orleans levies.
And the rest of the bombs were bought with money we borrowed from China.
They got the money by selling us poisoned pet food, children's toys with lead paint, toothpaste with antifreeze in it, and most importantly, using slaves to make our iPhones.
Everything is transparent and all the up and up.
Let's stop with the incendiary rhetoric.
There's no reason honorable men from the left and right can't get together and find a compromise.
How about we agree to lay off half the teachers and only drop 50% as many bombs?
That way, everybody's unhappy.
Teachers lose their homes, healthcare intentions.
Our children are less able to compete globally.
And even the bombmakers will have a 50% cut in their multi-million dollar bonus.
That's only fair.
That's what Americans could do when they forget partisanship and come together to solve problems.
Now, let's be reasonable about this.
Come back to the center, Jimmy Baby.
It's the right thing to do.
My screen is cracked on the Blackberry, so shoot me an email.
Okay, Barack Obama, letting me know about it.
And I want to let you guys know: Saturday, April 2nd, it's popping politics at a new location over at Meltdown Comics.
That's 7522 Sunset Boulevard.
That's an 8 p.m. show.
I'll be there.
Representative Richard Martin will be there.
Paul Gilmartin will be there.
Frank Connoff is going to be there, right?
You're going to be there, Frank.
David Feldman is going to be there.
Eddie Peppertone will be there.
That's this Saturday, April 2nd at Meltdown Comics.
You can go to JimmyDoorComedy.com or you can go to kpfk.org and click on the thing there and it takes you right to get tickets.
All right, this is the Jimmy Dore show on Pacifica.
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Tuesdays with Moron.
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Huh?
What would your life be like with an oh my god every week segment?
I don't know.
It would probably be an okay life, but why don't you swing by the website anyway and do what's right.
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Okay, thanks for everybody for listening and thanks for all your support.
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See you at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
This is former Governor Jesse Thabati Ventura.
I'm listening to the Jimmy Door show and why aren't you Bill O'Reilly?
Okay, and now Jim Hightower stops by.
He's going to let us know how the Japan earthquake sent a jolt to Shreveport.
The corporate chieftains who have relentlessly pushed American factories and our middle-class jobs offshore rationalize this globalization of production by declaring that it's all about efficiency, as though that's the highest value to which a civilization can aspire.
Values aside, however, the problem with corporate efficiencies is that too often they are not.
Not efficient, that is.
This is because the corporate scheme of moving stuff from A to B to G to Y in order to achieve the narrow goal of maximizing profits can look so simple, sensible, and even slick in a boardroom PowerPoint presentation, largely because it ignores inconvenient realities, such as earthquakes, tsunamis, and nuclear meltdowns.
For example, Shreveport, Louisiana has been jolted by the horrific 123 blow that has pummeled Japan.
What hit Shreveport was not a seismic aftershock, but the inherent fragility of the distant supplier networks built by profiteering globalizers.
A GM truck plant in this city has had to shut down because one truck park made at a factory in the devastated area of Japan is not presently available.
One.
Amazing.
Cars and trucks have about 20,000 parts, but the inability to get even a single one delivered from abroad can bring an entire assembly line to a halt.
GM's bean counters had decided at some point that they could have this gizmo made in and shipped from Japan a bit cheaper than making it here.
So GM and other globalizers have made themselves and us dependent on an unreliable, far-flung network of foreign factories.
Moreover, these scattered suppliers also are at the mercy of their suppliers.
A plastic gadget maker in Japan, for example, might rely on a Chinese plant for the chemical to make the plastic.
This is Jim Haitar saying, the efficiency of globalization is nothing but a cross-your-fingers fantasy.
Okay, and that was Jim Hightower, our pal who stops by every week to bum us out in a folksy voice.
Thanks, Jim.
And right now, our special guest in studio is comedian Dean Obadala.
Did I say it right?
Obadala, but it's fine.
Obadallah.
Okay.
He's the son of a Palestinian Father and a Sicilian mother, huh?
Dean's an award-winning comedian who was at one time a practicing attorney, but is now on a mission to combat Islamophobia.
Good luck.
And he's doing it through comedy.
He's appeared on CNN, The View, Fox News, Nightline, Comedy Central's Axis of Evil comedy special, and on Pacifica's own democracy now.
He's the co-creator of ComedyCentral.com's critically acclaimed series, The Watchlist, featuring a cast of Middle Eastern American comedians performing stand-up and sketch comedy.
Dean's currently touring the country as part of the Arabs Gone Wild stand-up tour, which will be at the comedy store in Hollywood this Friday, April 1st at 8 p.m.
Dean, how are you?
I'm fine.
Thanks for having me on, Jimmy.
You know, you're an Arab comedian, but you know, you have the advantage of looking white, so people won't be scared of you.
You know what I mean?
You look like a Anglo-Saxon-American comedian, and nobody's going to like, if you get down a plane, nobody's going to jump off.
And so you get to have the jokes about being Arab yet.
Mix in society like a regular person.
Just like a normal person, not like an Arab person.
No, it's true, but the flip side is people say bad, horrible things to my face about being Arab, which is completely accurate.
Oh, so because they don't know.
I'm not even keen.
I was in New York by a laundromat, and there's a TV on.
The guy goes, you see these Arabs on TV?
And I'm like, he goes, I got an idea.
Let's kill them all.
Let's let God sort out the good and bad ones.
And this really happened.
I said, but sir, I'm Arab because you don't freaking look it.
I'm like, well, it just makes it easier for me to achieve the goals of my mission.
Mission of comedy, laughter, of course, it's a good mission, not a scary mission.
You know, I didn't think of it like that.
Yeah, flip side to not looking at it.
And you get to hear what people are really thinking.
Absolutely.
Seriously.
Oh, it's an odd thing.
See, I don't even hold it inside.
It's letting you know.
It's better.
It's more refreshing.
I'll be honest with you.
I'd rather people say that.
I'm just jealous of your full head of hair like that.
I have to do it.
You have good hair too.
What are you talking about?
You know, I have to do a lot of things.
I spray stuff, and it's hard.
A lot of work.
Looks like you just roll out of bed.
Like, you have that Carlos Allis rocky hair.
You just.
You know who that is, but I put goop in it this morning.
Okay.
So what you have is hair, but not land.
I would trade some hair for land.
I would trade this head of hair for Jerusalem any day of the week.
East or West, or you need both.
You know, I would start with just East.
That's where most of the Palestinians are.
We could share West.
It doesn't have to be exclusive.
Now, Dean, you've performed all over the country, all over the world in the Middle East over the last three years.
Now, the whole Middle East is in a revolution.
Did that surprise you?
Did you see it coming?
I did see it coming.
I mean, the young people there definitely wanted some change because stand-up comedy is just brand new for the last three years, and it showed they wanted something different from their parents' generation of entertainment.
But in government, but for me, I think it took so long.
Like 30 years in Egypt, it took because traffic is so bad in Cairo.
I mean, it's just to get a Tahrir Square.
It takes hours.
And also the Arabs, and I'm guilty of this too.
We're very easygoing about time.
Like, I called it Egypt Air for reservations.
This is a complete trick.
I go, what time is the flight leader?
How does 3 o'clock sound?
I swear to God, this is how easygoing Arabs are.
Revolution was a little put off by people going, we'll get to it later.
We can do it later.
And then finally, and it's a great thing.
I mean, it's very positive.
I'm really excited about it.
No, what would you say are some of the biggest cultural differences between Americans and people in Arab countries?
Or some similarities.
I don't know.
Well, there's both.
I mean, you know, I think similarities are the young people there laugh at the same jokes as the young people in the States laugh at, which is great.
The older Arabs.
Everybody loves fart jokes.
They love fart jokes.
You really can't, you can't push the barrier too much, but you can do a fart joke.
Older Arabs stare at you like you're a magician.
They're trying to figure out the trick.
And it's very much like, okay, I get it.
Okay, not funny.
Okay, next joke.
But the biggest thing that I see is they love cigarette smoke.
We don't smoke cigarettes here much anymore.
There, it's obsessed.
Like, I went to a gym, there's an ashtray on a treadmill.
That's how insane the amount of smoking there is.
Like, we have commercials to get you quit smoking.
They have commercials like, don't be a quitter.
Keep smoking to the end, my friend.
You know, it's all about smoking as a part of the culture and it's a male bravado thing.
It's coffee too, right?
Absolutely.
I think it's the caffeine to stay up late and plan for things that will never happen, but finally they're happening now.
I'm not kidding.
I mean, because for years people accepted their fate of being like, okay, their lives suck.
There's a tyrant.
We're never going to change it.
Now all of a sudden it's changing.
Do you think part of the addiction to the caffeine and all that?
Well, not addiction, but the obsession with it is because alcoholism is prevalent?
That's probably part of it.
When you take out alcohol from people and pork, which we get both out, I think people want to do something.
They sit around.
They don't drink as much.
Alcoholism among Muslims is the lowest in America of any religion because alcohol is forbidden, at least technically.
Yeah, but I've often substituted a beer for a piece of bacon.
Most people have.
He's like, Jimmy, I'm a little thirsty.
You got a beer?
No, but I do have some bacon.
I'm like, all right, fry it up.
Jimmy Gavigan's been on bacon, I think he'd be crucified.
10 minutes of 20 minutes.
20 minutes on bacon.
One bit.
It's amazing.
I saw him do 20 minutes on bacon.
On bacon.
What are some of the jokes you can't joke about?
I mean, what are some of the topics you can't joke about in the middle and when you're doing shows in the Middle East?
You can't make fun of anyone's religion.
Just not Muslims either.
I mean, it's not just exclusively Muslims that are banned from telling jokes about Muslims.
You can't talk about Christians or Jews either.
No demeaning.
No making fun of the leaders of the country you're in.
But I was in Lebanon, and the promoter actually said, say whatever you want, but if you make fun of Hezbollah, you're on your own.
And I think that was a good little tip there.
No Hezbollah jokes.
He didn't mind that you mispronounced it?
Hezbollah?
Yeah, I thought it was Hezbollah.
That's a good idea.
It could be Hezbollah, Hezbollah.
You know, I try to make it more mid-Christian.
It's the party of God, Jimmy.
That's all you need to know.
He's absolutely right.
I should probably defer to you.
You're actually Arab.
Who knows who's right on this one?
You know, it's at the bait.
Next time I'm in the Hezbollah camp, I will ask the guys there when I'm performing at the Chuckle Hunt in Al-Qaedaville.
Did you perform at the Sabrila and Shatila refugee camp?
That's got to be a.
I've been there, though.
I did a volunteer thing there for a few hours.
That's not like a real refugee camp.
That's like a live, thriving place.
In the West Bank, refugee camps are more what you think.
Like, people are downtrodden.
It sucks.
Sabrin Shatila is like their stores, and people are full of life.
It's dynamic.
It was not what I expected at all.
How does the Arab world view President Barack Obama, for instance?
Well, I mean, they love him because he was born in the Arab world.
Yes.
People don't realize this.
He was born.
Half half the country realizes.
He's the most successful sleeper cell ever.
He's risen up to this rank, and one day he'll get the call.
They like it, but I think similar to many Americans, they're disappointed.
They expected more of him.
I mean, I like him.
I view him as a complex mix between Denzel Washington and Harry Potter.
Because I think he's a cool black guy, but the nerdy white guy is still stuck in it.
He's a smart guy.
He met the actor who played Star Trek, Spock, and he actually greeted him with the Star Trek hand thing, which, of course, Bush would have greeted him with, like, you got funny ears, ball.
Where you from?
Pull my finger.
Come on.
Yes, that is true.
He has a panel at Comic-Con this year.
He would have fans there at Comic-Con.
That's the kind of place that's perfect.
They like him.
Now, the 10th anniversary of 9-11 is coming up.
We won't be doing an Arabs Gonwald show on that day.
No.
How do you celebrate it?
We don't actually celebrate.
What?
We very sadly look upon it and feel a great deal of self-loathing and hatred for sharing the same culture of people.
This is not what I get in the mainstream media.
Just like my people on December 7th.
Yeah.
We're very quiet.
Yeah.
You're talking about smoking in the Arab culture.
I always thought the Asians were the big smokers.
When I moved out to L.A., I mean, it was like Japanese guys would smoke at the bank, you know?
Right?
Yeah.
I don't know.
And then it seems, I don't know, Rob, you smoke, right?
I'm a huge smoker, but that's not, that's actually from the white side.
Oh, really?
That's from the white alcoholic side.
That's not from the my father quit smoking when I was 11.
Oh, and the Arab world, people smoke inside office.
Like, we don't have that anymore.
You go outside to get air in the Arab world.
Like, here we go to smoke.
Like, and you come back in in the Middle East.
I'm like, what's that terrible smell?
Like, I don't know.
It's nature.
Get outside.
You know, you know what?
They couldn't let me blow barmot on your clothing because you smell more like smoke.
It's just an obsession beyond words.
You know, when now, when you do your tour, what does the audience look like?
Is it mostly Arabs or is it?
Is it angry people?
They want to change it.
We want Sharia Law, of course.
It's all about the show.
We're going to call the Sharia Lowator, but we changed our mind the last time.
It's me, Aaron Cater, who's an LA comic, works at the store all the time, and Mason Zayat from New York, who's like the three of us tour, basically.
But in this show in LA, we have seven other comics from LA joining us.
The audience are mixed.
We were just in San Francisco.
We did the whole weekend at Cobbs.
I'll tell you, half the crowd was not on Arab Each show, but in Chicago, the weekend before in Dearborn, it's like 95%.
Oh, there's a Dearborn.
She's like 70%, frankly.
I think it's people.
I mean, we write the jokes for everyone.
I mean, it's not just for Arabs.
If you're Arab, you relate.
It's like Def Jam.
Like, you're going to relate to it more.
Right.
Like, you know, you go crazy for it.
It's more cathartic for the community to hear the stuff like that and like what they're going through.
But it's written for everyone.
In general, most people get everything.
They like comedy.
They tend to get it.
Not everyone.
If you like politics, you'll love it.
That's really the biggest thing.
Okay, so tell people when that show is again.
This Friday.
21st, 8 p.m., the comedy store on Sunset Boulevard.
Arabs Gone Wild.
It's going to be a great show.
It's funny for everyone.
It's not Arab 101.
It's really a comedy show.
You know, it's not Arabian Idol.
No, you're very funny.
You've been funny on the show.
I've seen your stuff online.
It's very hilarious.
Let me try to pronounce your last name again.
Dean Obladaya.
Obidala?
Better than Dean has bought it.
You're thinking of the Beatles song.
Maybe that's what it is.
Maybe that's what it is.
Do you have a website?
Yeah, Deanofcomedy.com.
Not the Dean of Comp, just Dean of Comedy.
Deanofcomedy.com.
The Dean, that's another guy.
That's a different guy.
I'm not going to be that.
Dean, thanks for being our guest.
I appreciate you coming in.
Thanks for having me on, Jim.
I appreciate it.
All right.
Okay, our thanks to Dean for stopping in and being funny.
Check out his show if you get a chance.
And right now, here comes an encore presentation of the moron segment from this year's Valentine's Week show.
Okay, hope you enjoy.
Hey, it's Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey, Jimmy, how are you doing?
It's Moron.
Hey, Moron.
What's going on, buddy?
Ah, Jimmy, you know me.
I'm a good American.
I'm easily manipulated to vote against my own economic interest and to blame those less fortunate than me for my economic problems.
Yeah, how do they get people like you to do that?
I don't understand.
The thing I do take comfort in, Jim, is that my Lord Jesus the Christ hates exactly the same people that I hate.
Hey, well, what's on your mind this week, Moron?
What's what did you notice?
Jim, I noticed it's Sarah Palin's kid, Bristol Palin.
Right.
She's writing a book.
Yeah, I know.
I'm laughing.
Did you know she could write right?
I was thinking that me and Therese were thinking of some good titles for it.
Oh, what?
I'd love to hear him.
Tell me some.
How about this?
Everything I know about sex, I learned by doing it.
Okay.
All right.
I like it.
That would be a good one.
Yeah, that's good.
Oh, let's hear it.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and Barack Obama is from Kenya.
That's good, right?
Yes, Moron.
You're at a roll.
How about Crazy from the Cold?
Simple.
Makes sense.
Clean.
Therese got one.
Therese, what's the one that you made up for the book for Bristol Palin?
Palindrones.
Yes, she keeps saying that.
I don't know.
I know.
She's saying palindrones.
I don't even know what I know.
You're saying what?
I don't know what it is, but I bet it's funny.
It's just a play on words, Moron.
Palindrones, and her name is Palin.
Get it?
Oh, it's a play on words, Jim.
I didn't know that.
Thanks.
I think I detect a little sarcasm in your voice, Maura.
Oh, no, Jim.
Never from me, buddy.
Hey, Therese.
Jimmy explained that palindrones thing to me because her name is Palin and the word is Palindrones.
Maura.
Why is he being a smarter?
I'm not being a smart ass.
I think it gets him a kick, Therese.
It doesn't give me a kick, Maura.
And I apologize for being condescending.
Do you have any more names for the book?
I like those.
Yeah, how about Moose Bumps?
Is that a good one?
Yeah.
Or how about the Baby Havers Club?
Isn't that good?
Instead of the Joy Luck Club, the baby.
How about Little House on the Tundra?
I got it.
These are all good names for the book, Jim.
Wow, these are great.
Do you got more?
I'd love to hear them, buddy.
I got plenty.
Let's go.
How about The Seven Habits of People Who Fell Ass Backward International Prominence?
I think that would be a good.
How about the dunks who came in from the cold?
The dunks who came in from the cold.
The sun also rises because God made it that way.
Okay.
Bill O'Reilly could.
I think that might be his new book, too.
How'd that book get there?
Who put it there?
How about When the Levi breaks?
What?
See, Jim, that is also a play on words.
Oh, when the because Levi because Levi is the book that yes, the father of the kid to Bristol to Bristol's kid, and that is his name was Levi Johnson, and that's why that is funny.
Okay, I got it.
How does it feel, Jim?
It doesn't feel good, moron.
I already said I was sorry.
Okay, I got two more.
Okay.
Daughter of the American D-Evolution.
Right?
Very good.
And one more.
Stop, or my mom will put crosshairs by your name on campaign literature.
Okay.
And that's it.
Moron, those were really, those are really good.
How did you, how did you think of them?
Jim, they just come to me sometimes when I'm driving.
I was driving a pretzel truck over the weekend.
What for, buddy?
It's on my bucket list.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, my dad used to drive one.
I used to think it was cool.
I love the smell of them.
Yeah, who doesn't, right?
Yeah, and I think, I don't know what it is, but I think it's the combination of the yeast and shortening.
It just makes me think funny things.
I'm the same way with the 7-up and wheat.
Yeah, it's a natural bread pretzel truck.
Oh, really?
Hey, Moron, what did you get?
What did you get, Charisse, for Valentine's Day?
I got a booty toot, shoe, and boot dryer.
It's cordless.
What does it do, buddy?
Well, Jim, first of all, you know, it's been the crazy weather.
Right.
Right?
And it's been snowing like a maniac, even in the south, all over the country.
So we're getting snow.
Global warming.
And thank you for the global warming right here.
What?
And so I figured I'd get here to boot and glove dryer.
It gently dries boots, shoes, and gloves.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it keeps your boots, gloves, even your tennis shoes dry and odor-free with this clever boot and glove dryer.
Well, what makes it so clever?
Well, it's cordless, and it has a fan built right into the base so it gently circulates air and dries the shoe, boost, gloves, or mittens.
how does it keep the stuff fresh and smelly?
Well, you filled the top pan with the baking soda to deodorize and you keep the shoes smelling fresh.
Will it work on leather?
It's ideal for all materials, Jim.
Organic and man-made.
And do you use it for other stuff?
You can use it for boots, gloves, or accessories of any length.
Moran, I got to tell you, maybe I should give you a little warning.
It doesn't sound very much of a romantic gift.
Maybe you should get something more romantic.
I think she'll love.
I'm just telling you, Moron.
I'm just telling you.
I'm just telling you.
Tell it from me.
What are you talking about?
Nothing, Trace.
All right, Jim, listen, I gotta go.
Okay, buddy.
Have a happy Valentine.
See you next week.
Did you just wish me a happy Valentine's, Jim?
I was just being nice.
Mora.
I really do live in California.
The hell does that mean?
What happened?
Jimmy wished me a happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, that's nice.
I never thought you'd have a gay friend.
He's not gay, he's married.
*Bell rings*
Okay, now we've got a couple of minutes left on the show, and I want to finish the segment about looking at the news.
Now, here is NBC doing a bang-up job of doing a horrible job, is how I like to put it.
Now, they're owned by General Electric, who is 49% shareholder of NBC, and is also one of the largest financial institutions in the world, one of the largest military contractors in the world.
And by the way, they're the manufacturer of the Mark I nuclear reactors currently melting down in Fukushima, Japan, which, by the way, is the resume of a corporation perfectly suited to finance, build, and power the Death Star.
And also the reason the Death Star blew up.
Surprisingly vulnerable reactor.
Seriously, you can control that much of an economy, and no one says, hey, maybe someone shouldn't be able to control that much of the economy.
And oh, by the way, GE made $10.8 billion in profit and paid in U.S. corporate taxes zero.
Sounds like someone's jealous they didn't get a dividend.
Well, by comparison, I forgot to report the income from a gig I got last year to the IRS, and they courted me at the Aunt Frank Annex.
The only thing that could make me say anything nice about GE is if I got a sitcom at NBC.
But otherwise than that, yeah.
So I'm watching the NBC Nightly News last Sunday because, you know, having a real life is hard.
And Lester Holt was filling in for Brian Williams, and he put three stories inside of one minute.
And the first two stories are from England.
So this must be pretty important.
Here we go.
The British government said today it will not change its plans for deep budget cuts despite yesterday's huge demonstration in London.
As many as a quarter million people marched through central London to protest the biggest cuts in public spending since World War II.
More than 200 people were arrested.
Most are still in custody tonight.
84 people in all were injured in that protest.
Okay, so now he spent about 22 seconds talking about that.
And, you know, he gave me roughly a thumbnail sketch of what's happening over there.
He didn't really, I appreciate him not giving me too many facts or the proper framing or context so I can make sense of that.
What he could have said was, so what's happening is that the bank screwed over the economy in England too, just like they did here.
And now they're making the working people and students pay for it, transferring the debt to them and siphoning wealth upward to the top 2%, just like they're doing here in the United States.
And the people over there, though, are fighting back.
And, you know, the only way they can by demonstrating, much like the teachers and cops and firemen did in Wisconsin.
Now, that took me about 22 seconds to say that.
So let's see what Lester Holt and NBC News decided to do with their next 22 seconds.
One of the secrets to a strong marriage is compromise, a lesson apparently already learned by the royal couple.
They've chosen two cakes for the big wedding next month.
There will be a traditional multi-tiered British sign with a little help by the bride, Kate Middleton.
As for the other cake, well, that's Prince William's childhood favorite.
A chocolate biscuit cake.
You gotta be kidding me.
Okay, so they spend 22 seconds on the people, quarter million people in the streets uprising.
And then they spend the exact same amount of time talking about the royal class not only having not just one wedding cake, they're having two wedding cakes.
It's just outrageous.
Chocolate biscuit cake?
How does that work?
So now they have one more story to fit in, right?
So that's only about 45 seconds.
They got 15 seconds left at this minute.
These are stories happening back to back.
They're back to back.
I'm not editing this together.
There's no stopping.
Okay, here we go.
And here's the next story.
They had to stop talking about the riots in England.
Didn't put it in because they don't have time.
It's commercial.
They had to get to the other important stories.
And here's the other important story.
Here's a sight you don't see every day.
A raccoon with a peanut butter jar stuck on his head.
He somehow ended up on top of his power line.
Residents in the Long Island neighborhood called police.
They brought him the power tower.
They in turn shut off electricity to the area.
And that allowed a safe, successful rescue of a hungry little guy.
When Nightly News returns.
Okay, and he's saying when Nightly News returns, they weren't even, that's not even the end of the news.
That's in the middle.
It's going to get lighter.
That was in the middle.
Yes.
How could it get it?
Stuff everybody already saw the internet five hours ago.
I guess it's easy to bring good things to light when you're burying all the bad stuff.
Yeah.
But they're related because the cakes of the Royals were what they think that the people riding they're going to let them eat.
I mean, it was, I mean, and Lester Holt, it made no, like, he didn't even, nobody watching that, no producer, no writer, not even Lester goes, well, that's kind of weird.
We're doing a story about how the working people are being asked to make sacrifices.
And the next exact story is about how the ruling class is living a life of excess.
Still, still living a life of excess.
I mean, Paul, to see your reaction was priceless.
It was exactly the way how I felt when I'm just sitting at home watching the news, kind of half-watching it, and my head starts spinning around.
I'm feeling like the guy from Network.
Yeah.
Just like, am I the only one here that's crazy?
By the way, my favorite thing about this is of those three stories, the raccoon story is the only one where NBC sent a reporter.
Like, you can tell if you look at the footage, it's all from like the AP.
Yes.
And then you actually can tell it's an NBC news van went out to check out the raccoon story.
Okay, so you know what?
There's a lot more to that stuff we don't have time to cover at that raccoon story.
We have to break.
I want to thank everybody who listens to the show.
And so there's two shows happening for the Jimmy Door show.
The two live performances tonight at Flappers Comedy in Burbank.
We got a great show with Doug Benson and David Feldman, Dave Dayon from Fire Dog Lake, Robert Yasimura, Andy Wood, and myself.
And then Saturday night, big show, popping politics.
We're going to be over at Meltdown Comics at 7522 Sunset Boulevard doing all the great funny clips, all the great blasphemy you'd like to hear from a good comedian.
It's okay.
And that's our show.
I want to thank everybody for helping out on the show.
Okay, I want to thank Frank Conniff.
Hi, Frank.
Thanks from CinematicTitanic.com, touring all over the country.
That's right.
Paul Gilmartin from AskerRepublican.com.
Thank you, Paul.
Robert Yasamura from Team Yasamura.
I want to thank Stan Stankos and congratulate him.
He just got a job writing on the new Norm McDonald show.
I want to thank Steph Samurano and my producer, Ali Lexa, Ben Zalavansky.
And I want to thank Mike McRae for doing the voice of Barack Obama and our special guests.
And I'm going to say his name again, Dean Obadalla.
I think I said it right that time.
Dean Obadalla for being a great guest.
That's it.
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