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Feb. 18, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20110218_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_-_February_17_2011
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It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
The up-minded, lowly-livered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
It's hard to talk to T-Bag.
So sit back or sit up or keep driving.
Because it's the Jimmy Door show.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the Jimmy's Door Show.
We are in Fun Drive this week in Los Angeles.
So we're recording in Studio B without Shepard Smith in Pasadena.
I'm joined as always by Ben Zelovanski from Ben and Alex.tv.
Paul Gilmartin, host of Didder to Movie on TBS.
And you can find him at askARepublican.com.
But remember, he's not a real Republican.
And Robert Yasimura is here from Team Yasimura Twittering.
All right.
So what's coming up on today's show?
Well, gosh, how many times have you been at some fun get-together like Comic-Con or a swingers convention and thought to yourself, they should have one of these kind of things for horrible people, too?
Well, it turns out there is.
It's called the annual CPAC convention.
And, you know, just like Comic-Con and swingers conventions have Star Trek people and Doctor Who people, and they bring them together, CPAC does the same thing with racists and defense contractors.
There were some great speeches there.
And Coulter got in some old favorite jabs at the liberals.
And then he got into office and immediately turned over our entire healthcare system to the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Still works.
Still works.
Those interminable lines at the DMV.
Now imagine you're standing in one of those lines, but this time you're in a hospital gown that's opening back.
That's Obamacare.
And the funny thing is, the reason why you have to imagine that is because it never happened.
And that's why they're not recalling it.
They're imagining it because it's just a canard.
Okay.
There were also some twists on some old favorites.
The way things are going, Obama might want to look into becoming the president of Egypt.
Nobody would complain about him being a Muslim man.
Okay, that's Ann Coulter, and that's the CPAC Convention.
And we've got a lot more stuff, including their keynote speaker, the new Congressman Alan West, right?
He's a black Republican, my favorite kind of Republican.
You loved him as Batman on the TV show.
I loved him as Batman.
He is the black Republican, which is a psychological condition that the AMA has not come up with a term for yet.
And the congressional committee that was charged with finding out exactly how our economy melted down and who to blame, well, they came out with their report.
And there is comfort in knowing that the crisis was completely unavoidable.
This thing happens once a century.
We concluded first and foremost that this crisis was avoidable.
Okay, well, it was avoidable, but that doesn't mean you could foresee it.
I mean, everybody who knew anything, Alan Greenspan, Secretary Paulson, Timothy Geithner, Larry Summers, Obama, Bush, everybody said it was not foreseeable because, you know, there weren't any warning signs.
Despite the express view of many in the circles of financial and political power that the crisis could not have been foreseen, there were many, many warning signs that were ignored or discounted.
Okay, well, all right, so we're going to hear more about that.
All right, so actually, it was foreseeable, it was avoidable, and so now that we have a broken economy, what does that mean for working?
That's the truth that nobody's talking about.
Here's the truth that nobody's talking about.
You're going to have to raise the retirement age for Social Security.
Oh, I just said it, and I'm still standing here.
Okay, that's Governor Chris Christie.
We're going to balance the budget on the backs of the working class, but it's not like they're going to try and break the unions or anything, right?
They're not going to do that.
We're calling today at Wisconsin state capital against a bill targeting public workers and their unions.
The bill essentially would strip collective bargaining rights for those employees.
Okay, so I guess they are breaking the unions.
Okay, so Wisconsin's going to break the unions.
No collective bargaining.
We're going to talk about that on this week's show.
Okay, also, Charlie Sheen had some advice for Lindsay Lohan.
What's your one piece of advice if I have Lindsay Lohan on?
Work on your impulse control.
Just try to think things through a little bit before you do them.
They're so desperate to vilify without, without, without fact, you know.
That's right.
They're vilifying Charlie Sheen without facts.
It's a media conspiracy.
We've known it for a long time.
And Cynthia McFadden, before we get to the rest of the show, I want to stop and just say, you know, we know that the news business is bad.
One of my favorite things is when they can talk about something super serious and then pivot on a dime and talk about something completely silly.
Here's Cynthia McFadden.
Right before Hosni Mubark stepped down last week, she was talking about the protests and she had some bad news, but then some good news came right after it.
Thanks, Terry.
And a final note, despite the jubilance in the square, Egypt's vice president indicated today that, quote, police tools may be employed to deal with the protesters.
Oh, that sounds horrible, Cynthia.
What's your next story?
Well, we come back.
What do you call a woman in her 70s who stopped six wouldn't-be jewel thieves with nothing more than a handbag?
Super Grand.
That's what.
Okay, so we go right from the police are going to be cracking down and killing people in the square, people fighting for democracy in Egypt, to Super Grand.
Hey!
Yeah, but the story after that is that they're going to send Super Grand to Egypt.
Oh, that's what I heard.
Oh, okay.
And then when the Egyptians see that that's what freedom of the press means, they all leave the square.
Okay, and before we get to all of that, and even the call from Moron.
Time for another installment of Oh My God with Paul Gilmart.
Okay, this week's Oh My God clip, I don't know if it's going to get you, but there was a state legislator from Kansas.
She's a Republican state legislator, and she was talking about how she can tell her son had recently applied for college assistance from the government, and he didn't get any.
And she was mad because, well, here we'll play it.
He's a Kansas resident, born here, raised here.
Doesn't qualify for any financial aid.
Yet this girl was going to get financial aid.
My son was kind of upset about it because he works and pays for his own schooling and his books and everything.
And he didn't think that was fair.
He didn't ask the girl what nationality she was.
He didn't think that was proper.
But we could tell by looking at her that she was not originally from this country.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Okay.
It wasn't proper to ask her, but you know what it was proper to do?
At a public committee meeting, say something like that.
It was then.
But how could she tell that the woman wasn't from our country?
How could She tell?
Well, she wasn't black.
She wasn't Asian and she had the olive complexion.
Oh, okay.
So if you're not black or Asian and you're in America and you have olive complexion, you're an alien.
You're a foreigner.
That's just the way we all know that.
There couldn't possibly be someone with olive complexion skin and they actually be an American citizen.
I mean, unless they're black or Asian.
I'd like to chime in on this, but it's not proper to call someone an idiot.
Okay, and that was.
This has been, Oh my God, with Paul Gilmart.
Oh my God.
Okay, not quite.
We didn't get a cookie.
We still got a little.
Oh my God.
It was over.
It doesn't make much sense.
I can't fake it.
I can't.
Don't want you to fake it, Paul.
I've got to be honest, I get a little nervous when you set me up for the oh my God because, you know, I don't want to not have an oh my God, but I also don't want to fake it.
So I'm torn.
The people demand integrity from you.
The people demand what?
They demand integrity from you.
They demand integrity.
All right, let's go right to CPAC.
Okay, we'll go right to the CPAC convention.
We're going to talk about that stuff.
You know, the CPAC was founded by the American Conservative Union Foundation back in 1973.
Since then, it's become the event of the conservative political year.
And if you think the American Conservative Union sounds ominous, well, they are.
They're a lobbying organization which has taken in over $100 million in the last few years, but they're relatively benign compared to the groups which sponsor and attend CPAC, like the NRA, Focus on the Family, and oh yeah, the John Birch Society.
Good guys.
Good people.
Friends of the show.
Good friends of the show, John Birch.
Only the speeches from the conventions are ever televised, but I,
I always like to imagine that there are rides and booths and food and raffles all somehow themed on a flat tax or killing gynecologists or something like that and then after the day's events I assume everyone goes up to the hotel room and violates all the family values they were just touting who have been some of the speakers at the CPAC convention well people like Ronald Reagan perhaps you've heard of him or I don't know Ron Paul Dick Cheney George W. Bush Glenn Beck Rush Limbaugh Michelle Bachman
I know it's like the Coachella of hating poor people.
And these are good speeches, people, because they are playing to their crowd.
They really let their hair down and say things they would never say to reasonable groups of human beings.
And the keynote speaker at this year's CPAC convention was Congressman Allen West from Florida's 22nd District.
Yes, I was excited when I found out he was from Florida, too, because no one seems to make crazy like Florida.
The only thing better would have been South Carolina, the state.
No one would have been surprised to hear sodomy, cross burning and elected official in the same sentence.
And by the way, Representative Allen West is black, which doesn't really matter one way or the other, except, you know, it's fun to know when you also discover that his town of residence within the 22nd congressional district is called Plantation, Florida.
Yeah.
And here's a fun fact about Allen West.
Before becoming Representative West in the 2010 midterm elections, he was Lieutenant Colonel Allen West of the United States Army.
Lieutenant Colonel, you hardly ever hear that rank in public life, right?
That's because career officers like Allen West rarely ever retire at that rank.
They become full colonels or generals and then retire.
Of course, that didn't happen because West was forced to retire from the army after he purposely fired a gun next to the head of an Iraqi prisoner in order to scare him during an interrogation like true freedom fighters would.
just so you don't get the wrong idea about the Department of Defense being well decent and humane they almost immediately gave West a six-figure contracting job in Afghanistan until 2010.
So here's his introduction.
So we're going to let's go.
He's the keynote speaker at the CPAC convention, Alan West.
And here's how he starts his speech.
Before I get started, there's a special young man that has come up on this stage with me.
His name is Sergeant Jason Alban from Annandale, Virginia.
He has served in Iraq with the 2nd Infantry Division during the time period of the surge.
He now serves at the 3rd Infantry Regiment, the old guard, where he now trains those men and women who guard the tomb of the unknown soldier.
Yes.
What?
So he's got some guy on stage with him before he starts his speech.
This guy's in full military outfit, his dress blues or whatever, and he's a soldier.
He's just some guy who was in Iraq, and now his job is to train the people who guard the tomb of the unknown soldier.
Perhaps the easiest job in the army.
Oh, you really.
Not even the job.
It's the training for the guy.
Not even, yeah, he's training him the binder.
He's training the guy.
Here's how you do it.
Yeah, here's how you don't have to look out for anybody ever.
And here's how you don't have to worry about it.
And if somebody should steal the body, there is no family that's going to be upset.
Yeah, there's no record of it.
So maybe they stole it, maybe they didn't.
Here's how you do it.
Like, that is it.
Like, that's all.
The code to the copier is 1457.
Like, that's that, I think that's the sum total of the gig.
Stand still, and then here's some things you need to do.
Okay.
So.
Oh, they love him.
They love him.
Before I say a word, I want to introduce to you one of America's best, Sergeant Jason Alban.
Let's hope that he's sold to the wing of Piasmate and helps me with it.
We don't have much time.
Can I just say something real quick?
The reason I'm here is because I have a bigger fear for my future than I did of the fear that I had back in Baghdad.
Didn't practice.
Didn't practice what he was going to say.
Didn't practice.
Just came out, tried to wing it, and he screwed it up.
Okay, so he said, the fear that I have for this country.
Here, we'll play it again.
We don't have much time.
Can I just say something real quick?
Sure.
The reason I'm here is because I have a bigger fear for my future than I did of the fear that I had back in Baghdad.
And the reason I'm here is because I believe in the Colonel.
So thank all of you, and God bless America.
And then that was it.
That's all the guy said.
He didn't mention what his fear is that's bigger than Iraq.
He didn't say his fear.
He just, it's all about fear.
And I'm like, oh, no wonder you're a rabid conservative, which my theory that they're just tuned into their fear reptilian part of their brain.
We all have it.
It just takes people like me a little longer to get there.
That's all.
So I can pack.
So I can rationally think a little while longer.
I'm not always rational, and I certainly go crazy, but I can do it a little bit longer.
It's not when I answer.
I got to say, I think this guy should be afraid because he should get fired at any, like his job should be eliminated.
That's why he should be afraid.
No, no, he plays a very important.
He's a sergeant in the Army Special Window Dressing Unit.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Oh, there you go.
That's exactly.
So they just had this guy.
This just wanted to exploit a soldier.
Can we just get a guy up there for some cheap applause?
Can we just get some phony energy Up here on stage, some guy.
Let's applaud that we have a military because he didn't say anything.
He didn't do any.
I have a fear.
Okay, so now here's Alan West.
Here's this first thing he says.
Okay.
You endured the relentless and hostile attacks from the liberal left, such as being called racist.
Perhaps they should see who is standing here as your keynote speaker.
Okay, I don't know if, did you, could you hear that?
Did you hear what he said?
He said, you've been called racist, meaning the CPAC crowd.
And maybe they don't see who's your keynote speaker.
He's him, a black guy.
And, you know, how could they possibly be racist?
I mean, the people who invented and employed the Southern strategy constantly can't help themselves and celebrated the Confederacy and who are demanding Obama's long-form birth certificate.
I mean, if those people were racist and they hired you to be their keynote speaker, that would make you a token.
And we all know that could never happen because you're a lieutenant colonel.
Well, they may have done all that stuff, but they do have one black friend.
Also, this is the is this guy the ranking black guy in the Republican Party?
Like, they couldn't get anyone.
There's nobody above him.
They hate Michael Steele, no.
They hate Michael Steele.
They hate Colin Powell.
Yeah, Colin Powell's out.
Michael Steele's out.
This is it.
Here's the next black guy in line.
The only thing more annoying than watching a white person pretend they're black is watching a black person pretend they're black.
I'm just waiting for Alan Keyes to come back.
His time was missed.
Alan, this is his time.
Remember how people used to listen to Alan Keys and go, that guy's crazy.
Now he sounds like the most articulate, smart one.
Give me Alan Keyes and Barry Goldwater.
And that's it.
Can we get some more Alan?
And then what?
I'll take Nixon.
I'll take Nixon invented the EPA.
Nixon had a healthcare program that was more comprehensive than the one Barack Obama just passed.
I mean, Nixon was a much more progressive guy than we have now.
And Nixon was slightly more black than this guy.
I would say that too.
Nixon was a little bit blacker than Congressman West.
Yes.
And I know I'm a white guy and I shouldn't be able to make those kind of judgments, but I do work at KPFK, so I think that gives me a little street credit, right?
Okay, so I'm just going to play some of the clips he said.
Now, some of the stuff he says, it's like it's peppered with truths.
And then it's like he draws the wrong conclusion from every fact that he presents.
Okay, so now here's the first thing he says.
This is right after we just cut taxes for millionaires while we're going to cut Social Security for regular people, cut taxes for, and the Gulf oil spill just happened.
So just remember that those things just happened.
And here's his talking.
We cannot continue on with the policies of behavior modification through excessive taxation and overburdensome regulation.
And that's why we're going to be cutting from the EPA.
So that's an applause line.
What?
He said, we can't.
We're suffering from overtaxation, even though we have the lowest tax rates in this country since 1950.
And we just cut taxes for millionaires.
And then he said, and we're suffering from over-regulation, which everyone knows the reason why the economy melted down was because of lack of regulation and oversight on Wall Street.
And we had a Gulf oil spill because the regulatory agency was completely co-opted by the oil companies.
People aren't working because they are staring at the pristine drinkable water that is plentiful in the United States.
And I agree with him, though, that government is dysfunctional.
I do not think the EPA should be deciding tax policy.
That is crazy.
What a leap he made right there.
That's why we're going to be cutting the EPA.
That's your plan to help the economy, right?
Billions and billions of dollars we spend on the EPA.
Oh, all that is money.
Who do you hate the environment?
How do you there is no drinkable water source in the United States?
Conservative, they're supposed to be conservationists.
Isn't that the root word of conservationist?
Conserve?
I think they're secretly working to develop a gated community that has its own air and water.
Yes, they are.
I mean, there's no Teddy Rose.
I mean, we've said it.
Barack Obama's no FDR, and these guys are no Teddy Roosevelt.
I mean, we, anyway, so now here's my favorite word, Salad.
I mean, this is their keynote speaker right here.
This is their keynote speaker.
Ready?
Study the Community Reinvestment Act.
When government all of a sudden gets into the mortgage industry, when we create an agency like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, when we lower down the standards for lending.
Okay, so when we created Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, that was back, right?
FDR did that during the Depression.
And what he did was he created the 30-year fixed interest rate mortgage, which made home ownership available to everyone.
And brought the country to its knees.
And by the way, isn't Freddie Mae and Fannie Mac having been federally owned for years?
Well, what happened was in the 80s, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, they pretty much privatized them.
Used to be the people who ran those organizations didn't profit if Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac profited, like Goldman Sachs or JP Morgan or Chase or Bank of America.
They were paid like the guy who runs the post office was paid.
They got $150,000 a year to run Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and that was it.
Well, they changed all that stuff.
Ronald Reagan in the 80s, they changed all that stuff.
And so those guys who are running Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were now able to get the big gross bonuses that everybody else is getting, which is why they played right into the game that everyone else played.
So you got to take the profit motive out of the housing lending for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, which they're not doing, Barack Obama.
The health industry.
And the health industry, right?
There's certain things that shouldn't be.
Okay, here we go.
When we get rid of Glass Steagle.
So he's got a, so he's got a bunch of good facts in there, right?
So when we got rid of Glass Steagle, we screwed things up.
Okay.
These things happened and they resulted in these things that didn't happen.
Right.
So what's your recipe, Glass-Steagall?
We now start to securitize our mortgages and we sell off bag mortgages throughout our own financial industry and overseas.
So he just identified the problem.
We got rid of Glass-Steagall.
We securitized our mortgages, meaning—and then we sold them all over the world.
Yes, instead of your bank holding your loan till the end of your end of your loan, and your bank knows who's borrowing money from them, they now take your mortgage, turn it into a security, and sell it to people all over the country, all over the world.
So that's a big problem.
And that happened because government stopped regulating the banks.
They got rid of Glass-Steagall.
So what he's saying is that's the problem.
And so what I guess he's going to say is we need to re-regulate.
Government needs to get back in there and put Glass-Steagall in there, right?
It would make sense.
If government gets out of the way of the private sector, it would not have happened in 2008.
What?
Okay, I'm going to play that all together.
So just so you can hear this word salad uninterrupted.
And you tell me if this is the keynote speaker.
A keynote speaker.
An eighth grader could see that this doesn't make sense.
Here we go.
Study the Community Reinvestment Act.
When government all of a sudden gets into the mortgage industry, when we create an agency like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, when we lower down the standards for lending, When we get rid of Glass Steagle and we now start to securitize our mortgages and we sell out bag mortgages throughout our own financial industry and overseas, if government gets out of the way of the private sector, it would not have happened in 2008.
We need to trust the corporations.
They're kind.
They're good.
They are not psychopaths.
I like just hearing the tension in that room as he's going on that little run.
Everyone's like, okay, they, Glass-Steagall, do we applaud that?
Do we not applaud that?
Do we like this?
Was that a good thing?
I can't remember.
I don't know what it's, it's just like, I mean, it's just nouns.
He's just saying that he's just saying it out here.
Yes.
Less government.
Everybody should just get up there and just say less government.
But he's saying we got rid of Glass-Steagall, and instead of doing that, we should have gotten government out of the way.
Yes, that is exactly what we did.
When we got rid of Glassdeagle, that was the problem.
There was no oversight or regulation.
Well, that's why that's funny to me.
And that's why, but I'm glad you guys share my outrage.
That's why that doesn't make any sense.
But what's great is you're listening to it.
I'm like, I know what he's trying to say because I've heard it all before.
But I don't think he knows what he's trying to say.
He does not know what he's trying to say.
He knows that he, it's like he correctly identified the problem.
Okay, we got rid of Glass Steagle.
We securitized our mortgages.
And then your solution is, oh, what's that talking point that we always say?
Oh, get government out of the way.
Let private get government out of the way so we can go invade the wrong country.
We repealed all this regulation when what we should have been doing is getting government out of the way.
That's what we need to do.
By the way, has anybody seen the Walmart commercial that says point blank, now we cash checks for $3 a check?
Wow.
And with the money you can save, you can buy a widescreen TV.
Oh, it was the most beautiful.
I was like, oh, now they're just saying it.
Was there banjo music under it?
Oh, it was great.
And the most progressive thing about the ad is it's a mixed race couple in the ad.
A Walmart ad?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
But that is despicable.
Is there a Walmart around here?
Okay, I want to shift gears really quickly before we get to the bottom of the show or the break.
I wanted to talk about Haley Barber.
Surprise, surprise.
The Mississippi governor, Haley Barber, put his foot in his mouth again.
His impulse when confronted by reporters earlier this week was to refuse to condemn those in his state who would resurrect the infamous Confederate general Nathan Bedford Forrest, a slave trader and a grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, and put his image on a commemorative license plate.
Haley Barber didn't want to distance himself from those people.
He said, I don't go around denouncing people.
Yeah.
There you go.
I don't know what it is about these guys.
They love their Confederacy, which reminded me that, you know, Haley and I are old friends.
I mean, I think he's a good guy.
I mean, he just left me a voicemail, is what I'm trying to say.
How there, Jimmy, this is Governor Hiley Barber.
I was hoping to come on your show and address this hubbub about license plates in my home state of Mississippi on the night in Bedford Forest.
I just don't get the big hubbub.
The man was a true southern hero, a brilliant cavalry officer of the Confederate Army.
So what if he was also the grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan?
I mean, that's no reason to denounce a guy.
I mean, come on.
Nobody's perfect.
That don't mean we need to get into our whole hubbub.
Anyway, I appreciate a few minutes on the show.
Set the record strike and put an end to all this hubbub.
So just give me a call back.
We get a chance.
Okay, friend of the show, Governor Haley Barber of Alabama or Mississippi.
Mississippi.
Mississippi.
That's right.
I get those two confused off in Alabama and Mississippi.
And Tennessee.
Which is the one that has electricity?
Oh, that's so cheap.
Paul, that is so.
Come on.
Just because they live in the South doesn't mean.
But that doesn't.
I actually am one of those people who believes they should be allowed to have that license plate.
They should be able to fly the Confederacy.
They are allowed.
They should do it all because they don't realize it's wrong, but it's a good marker for the rest of us.
I agree.
I agree.
Listen, I have a very good point.
You know, like I objected when they read the Constitution and they didn't read the parts about slavery in Congress.
I'm like, this is your past.
Because you're pro-slavery.
Yeah.
If you choose this to celebrate this, it lets us know who you are.
Like, it's part of your past.
Let's go.
I'm looking for a place to vacation.
It's good to know that.
Oh, hello.
Hey, Jimmy.
Governor Haley Barber again.
I don't think I was too clear in my last message about this night in Bedford Forest of him.
So the guy was a grand wizard.
I mean, is that such a bad thing?
I mean, you might as well denounce a grand piano or Professor Donaldore.
Although, now that I think about it, I seem to remember some kind of hubbub about that Dumbledore guy turning out to be a gay.
Don't matter.
I'm still not going to denounce him.
I just don't want him marrying Hydrid or Professor Snipe or whoever.
Anyway, don't get a star on that whole hubbub.
Give me a ring back when he gets this.
Hubba.
Okay.
Well, you know, there's a little known fact about Haley Barber, too.
He's the only governor to make phone calls, all his phone calls from a hammock.
Yes, he does.
And you're listening to the Jimmy Dore Show on Pacifica.
Thank you.
Thank you.
All right, everybody, welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
We've got a lot of stuff coming up on this half of the show.
We're going to play a clip by D.L. Hughley on evolution.
We're going to talk about the financial meltdown.
We might even get to Ari Fleischer this week.
I know.
It's killing me.
Is he lying in the private sector now?
He's lying in the private sector.
He's lying in the private sector now for good pay.
Okay, right now I'm going to play very...
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Thank you very much.
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You almost said I'm on the Twitter.
I like that.
Which would be the sign that you're approaching 50.
Well, I like, you know what?
I used to speak like that as a young man because I found it funny.
I would like to say, oh, I'm going to be on the television.
I like to put antecedent the in front of things.
And like the Facebook, even though they took it off from Facebook, I saw that movie.
And so, yeah, I know.
So now as I'm getting older, I have to maybe stop talking like I'm pretending I'm older because I'm actually getting older.
What's funny about that is that it works the other way, too, because you sound just as weird if you say, yeah, I was working on computer.
Oh.
In hospitality.
If you take out the the.
A lot of people say in other countries they say go to hospital, go to hospital, go to hospital.
In hospital.
I was in hospital, not the.
Why don't they put the the there?
It bothers me.
C.L. Hughley was on Bill Maher and they were talking about evolution.
And a southern congressman said this.
I don't believe a creature crawled out of the sea and became a human being one day.
He doesn't believe a creature.
He doesn't believe a creature crawled out of the sea and became a human being.
And that's because he's dumb.
Okay.
Now here's D.L. Hughley being asked the same question.
I don't believe in evidence.
Absolutely.
I don't believe that.
Yes, I don't believe in evolving.
Okay, there you go.
He doesn't believe in evolution.
Let me just say this.
You need evolution as a basic fact of science to create antibiotics.
You just need important information.
So my feeling is if you don't believe in evolution, fine, but you don't get a moxicillin.
So I hope that strict interpretation of the book of Genesis helps you with your bronchitis.
Very, very nice.
Okay.
So now we're going to move on to the, we had an economic meltdown.
They appointed a commission to come up with the causes of it.
And we heard some of them.
And here we go.
The Congressional Commission appointed to investigate the causes of the 2008 financial crisis.
They were issued their final report.
And what it amounts to is a scathing indictment of both government officials and Wall Street executives.
Okay, well, that's a shocker.
Didn't know it.
Didn't know there was going to be a scathing indictment of the Wall Street executives.
Yeah, especially because we know that the financial meltdown was caused by poor people.
It was definitely caused by unions.
And labor unions and poor people, rest of the economy.
Teachers' unions.
Definitely teachers' unions.
So now I love Dylan Radigan, as you all know.
That's true and sincere.
So I'm going to ask him: what is the one question, Dylan, that is left to ask about this financial meltdown?
And please, could you call me Richard?
The only question that remains, Richard, is a very simple one.
And that is, will we see prosecutions for the fraud, the accounting fraud, the ratings agency corruption, the overall conspiracy and act of control fraud that allowed financial executives to pay themselves billions of dollars?
They took that money and gave it to politicians.
The politicians changed the rules in order to allow them to do this.
And then they had the blackmail of threatening to obliterate every pension in America to ensure that we would give them the money.
But where are the prosecutions?
I mean, listen, where are the prosecutions?
Where are the prosecutions, right?
Well, who should we prosecute?
I mean, that's the question.
We concluded first and foremost that this crisis was avoidable.
Despite the expressed view of many in the circles of financial and political power, that the crisis could not have been foreseen.
So everybody in the circle of financial and political power.
So maybe they should be prosecuted.
I mean, that's did they, but you know, there was a meltdown before in the 80s with the savings and loan.
And did they prosecute anybody?
It wasn't as big of a meltdown, obviously.
But did they prosecute anybody back then?
Let's see.
After the much smaller savings and loan crisis of the 80s, hundreds were prosecuted, including top executives.
Wow, look at that.
Hundreds of people were prosecuted in a much smaller.
But what about now?
Many former regulators have been critical of the government's failure to hold anyone accountable.
Three years after the meltdown, not a single major player has been charged with criminal wrongdoing.
It's hard to find him in the Bahamas.
Not a single, not a single person has been charged.
Bernie Madoff, they got.
That's about it.
How can they mix him in?
Like somehow he was doing his own thing.
Yeah, that wasn't.
That doesn't have anything to do with anything.
Yeah, that was a whole different Ponzi scheme.
He had his own record label.
Does that surprise anybody that there aren't any prosecutions and that we all know there aren't going to be any prosecutions?
And the fact that the same thing with torture: Barack Obama wasn't going to torture, wasn't going to prosecute the people who ordered war crimes because he was looking towards the future.
And when you don't prosecute crimes that happened in the past, that guarantees that they're going to happen again.
And we are now torturing Private Bradley Manning, who is our own soldier.
We're not torturing Al-Qaeda anymore.
We're torturing Americans.
That's what happens when you don't prosecute torture.
People aren't afraid to torture anymore.
Okay, same thing with this financial meltdown.
Barack Obama isn't going to prosecute anybody, guaranteeing that this meltdown will happen again.
Now, what facts do you have that Private Manning is being tortured?
Oh, they admitted, in fact, he's being, they put him on what they call Suicide Watch, even though he's not really a suicidal.
So what they do on Suicide Watch is you take away his glasses, you take away all his bedding, so he has nothing to lay on, no pillow, no blanket, no nothing, no shoes.
He's not allowed to read.
He's not allowed to exercise.
He's not allowed to sleep.
He's not allowed to do anything except sit there for about 20 hours a day.
And then they let him one hour a day out of his cell and then back in.
And that's called Suicide Watch.
Also, that's ultimate timeout.
Actually, I'm not sure.
It's called torture.
It's called Carnival Cruise Line, isn't it?
So that's called torture.
So they're doing those things to him.
They're also putting antidepressants in his waters.
That's another thing they're doing because what they're doing, so they're trying to break him.
And the reason why they're doing this is because they want him to say that the guy who from WikiLeaks, Julian Assange, was in cahoots with him before he gave him that material, which would make Julian Assange a criminal.
But he wasn't in cahoots with him.
He didn't tell Private Bradley Manning to get that information.
Private Danley Bradley Manning got that information, sought out Wikileaks, and sent it to them.
Actually, has that even been proven that it definitely came from?
It hasn't been proved.
They haven't charged him.
They haven't charged him with anything.
So if he was in a civilian court, he would be let free because you can't detain a person without an indictment.
Correct.
Okay, and I wasn't going to talk about this, but we'll just spend a few moments on it.
We're going to do a bigger segment on it in the next show.
Dylan Radigan sat down to talk about Private Danley Manning or Private Bradley Manning.
I should call him Dan.
What the hell is that about?
Bradley Manning.
And so let's just get you up to speed a little bit.
Here's what they had to say.
So here's, he did a story about it on a Dylan Radigan show, and then the Pentagon actually released a statement.
They say they found no direct link at all between Manning and WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange.
And they admitted that the decision to put him under suicide watch was a violation of procedure, but do deny that Manning is being mistreated or tortured in any way.
But think about that in the context of 243 days in confinement, 23-hour a day lockdown, sleep deprivation.
And you think China's bad.
Okay, so that's what we're doing to our own soldier.
And then he brings on some people to talk about it.
And we're going to do a whole segment on it next week about that.
But so I don't know how we got off.
We were talking about the, oh, because they're not prosecuting anybody from Wall Street.
And by not prosecuting, if they did prosecute somebody, there would have to be a court case, and then the court case would reveal all the crazy stuff that we're continually continuing to do.
Like we haven't reinstituted Glassdeagle.
We haven't separated the banks.
The banks that were too big to fail are bigger than ever.
Right.
Well, hold on.
The reason why they're not prosecuting anybody from Wall Street is the problem, which is they didn't break any laws.
You know what I mean?
Well, what they were doing, a lot of what they were doing was not illegal.
It's not illegal to trade on these derivatives.
What you're saying is what they were doing is illegal, but they had previously in 1999 and 2000 given the government enough money that they changed the laws and made what is illegal now legal.
Absolutely.
So what they're doing is still unethical.
Oh, and it should be illegal.
And it won't be because they, you know, again, the people in power decide what's right and what's wrong.
Morality is not a constant.
Whatever the people in power say is moral is moral.
It used to be against, used to be immoral to torture people.
Now it's the Christian thing to do.
Well, that's the thing: is that the people who should be prosecuted are the people who deregulated because they knew that they were doing something incredibly dangerous and they had been appointed to keep the economy safe and they violated the basic contract upon which they were employed.
Hi, Demi.
It's Haley Joel Barber.
No, that's not my real name, Alfred, for making a joke.
Remember that?
Six cents kid.
Whatever happened to him, anyway.
Well, whatever it was, I'm sure he's not out there making some big hubbub about some silly license plate, honoring some silly guy, ran some silly organization that carried out a bunch of silly lynchings and goofy crossburners and whatnot.
So look, I'm sorry if people want to make a big old hubbub out of this, but the truth is that Mississippi and the Ku Klux Klam go together like kids and cigarettes.
Let me know when I can come on the show lit there and this before we can move on more important things like my campaign to get Huey Longface on the dollar bill or my groundbreaking anti-hubbub legislation.
Let's power the toggle with you.
I like how the words kind of roll around.
Good luck.
It's like he's got a jawbreaker in his mouth.
Like the words have to somehow fight their way out of his mouth.
They keep getting copy hiding little puffs of skin.
Okay, that is Haley Barber.
And just to wrap up my segment on the economic meltdown, we don't know what caused it.
I mean, we do know what caused it.
We know the people who are responsible, but nobody's going to get in trouble.
And let's just wrap it up.
The commission says the Bush and Clinton administrations, the current and previous Federal Reserve Chairman, and Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner all bear some responsibility for allowing this crisis to happen.
Well, it's a good thing we got rid of all those people.
They got them all out of government.
Those people never going to see Timothy Geithner again.
And the Commission warns it could happen again.
Okay, good.
So it can happen again, and we got the same people in power.
Okay, that's great.
And let me just.
I want to wrap up the CPAC thing.
You know what you're missing with the silver lining to this is that the investigating of these crimes created jobs.
You know, it's interesting that you bring that up, Paul.
Do you want to know how much money they spent investigating Monica Lewinsky?
Why do you got a nitpick?
$40 million.
You know how much money they spent investigating Wall Street?
Five.
Oh.
Okay, there you go.
Okay, because one's really important and one isn't.
Well, one involves semen.
That's right.
That's immoral.
And the other involves sailors who are.
I don't have a joke for it, but I tried.
I thought something would come to me and it didn't.
Okay.
So I want to just get back quickly about, we're going to finish up with the CPAC thing before we move on.
Moran's going to call in in a second.
How do you know that?
Because I just have a feeling.
We're Sympatico.
So you know how that, so I found this interesting that at CPAC, they have this feeling of they're trying to shut us up.
They're trying to get, why are they trying to shut me?
You know, Sarah Palin says this all the time.
I will continue to speak out.
They're not going to shut me up.
They're not going to shut you up or Rush or Mark Levin or Tea Party Patriots or those who, as I say, respectfully and patriotically petition their government for change.
They can't make us sit down and shut up.
And if they ever were to succeed in doing that, then our republic will be destroyed.
Grandiosity.
Look it up.
I think she has confused the word silence and amplify.
Okay.
Oh, and by the way, Dick Cheney, I think that same year told a protester at CPAC to sit down and shut up while on mic.
Well, you know what's interesting about that is that here's the keynote speaker at CPAC because she's like, oh, they can't, if me, you, Rush, Mark Levin, if they shut any of them up, it's over.
We've lost our democracy, right?
Well, here's Alan West, the keynote speaker at CPAC, talking about someone else who got fired for speaking.
Who had to endure the politics of ugliness?
Countless name-calling.
Saying that you're a member of an all-white motorcycle gang, being called the worst person in the world five or six times, and he got fired for it.
Okay, that was Alan West talking about being named the worst person in the world by Keith Oberman, and that Keith Oberman got fired for doing that.
And then what was the reason?
That's not why Keith Oberman got fired.
No, no, this is, but I agree with you.
But I want you to listen to what he's saying and the reaction.
And I, too, had to endure the politics of ugliness.
Countless name-calling, saying that you're a member of an all-white motorcycle gang, being called the worst person in the world five or six times, and he got fired for it.
I just find that to be very interesting that they would cheer someone, another person with a different point of view, being fired for using their free speech when it seems like they are hypersensitive to that.
Oh, they can't.
If they shut any of us up, the country's dead.
If they shut any.
Oh, him, they can shut him up.
Yeah.
The voices we don't agree with, that's okay, because, you know, I'm guessing a threat to freedom anywhere isn't a threat to freedom everywhere.
Are you suggesting that conservatives lack empathy?
Yes, that's absurd.
And I will make it my mission to shut you up.
I mean, I just thought that was kind of wild.
I mean, they're really, they're not kidding about that.
They think they're being shut up.
Here's Alan West responding to a question about net neutrality, and he's saying somehow they think that if the government keeps net neutrality, meaning protects consumers, somehow that's the government taking over the internet.
So a guy asked him what he thinks about net neutrality.
Here's what Alan West said.
Well, I gotta tell you.
I think it's very interesting that back in the 2008 election cycle that President Obama and of course the Democrats used social media and the internet very well to their advantage to win the election.
And now all of a sudden when they see that on the conservative side, we are able to do the exact same thing and learn that lesson, now they want to shut it down.
Really?
Really?
That is such a leap of logic.
They could have saved some time by just saying, I don't know what net neutrality is.
I don't know what they want to shut down the net.
No, that's not exactly opposite.
Exactly.
These are the same people that if a large corporation found out a way to gather all the breathable oxygen and the government tried to step in to stop them, they would say, do you want the government controlling your oxygen communist air?
By the way, this is a new talking point.
Did you hear Glenn Beck on Google?
His thing.
Oh, yeah.
Google.
That talking point comes up again where he's anti-net neutrality.
Well, there he thinks Google's on the side of net neutrality, and then he frames it.
So that sounds like net neutrality is this evil.
Yes, the corporate shills in the media, Glenn Beck being one, Alan West another one, have now flipped what net neutrality means on its head.
Net neutrality means protections of consumers from the abuses of monopoly on the internet by the people who own the internet, which is the companies who provided for you.
Well, it has that, you know, the problem is the term has that hot button word in it that as soon as you hear it, you know someone's up to no good.
Neutrality.
Neutral.
Neutral.
All right, let me just wrap up.
You know, besides its speakers and panels, CPAC is also known for two other things.
First, its annual straw poll of the attendees to see who they'd like to see as president.
I don't know what the winner gets, what the winner of that poll gets, but thankfully, it's not the presidency.
They probably just get a gift bag of guns and school vouchers and real polar bear mittens, stuff like that.
Although the straw poll has no actual force, no predictive value, no meaning of any kind, we always talk about it like it's new.
So I assume it is.
The final thing for which CPAC is known are the awards, like the Ronald Reagan Award, the Gene Kirpatrick Academic Freedom Award, and the Charlton Heston Courage Under Fire Award.
Two of the three people I just mentioned died of Alzheimer's, by the way.
And not the way they would have liked.
Shirtless and a hail of bullets fighting the communists, you know, the way Gene Kirpatrick did.
Okay, so that concludes my CPAC.
And there's so much more to talk about with CPAC.
I can't wait for next year's CPAC.
I mean, I could do a month of shows just on what happened at CPAC.
Oh, hold on.
I got to take this, you guys.
Hold on.
Hey, it's Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey, Jimmy, how you doing?
It's moron.
You moron, what's happening, buddy?
Ah, Jimmy, you know me, I'm a good American.
I'm easily manipulated to vote against my own economic interest and to blame and demonize those less fortunate than me for my own problems.
What does bring you comfort, Moron?
I do find comfort in the fact that my Lord Jesus the Christ hates exactly the same people that I hate.
Well, what's going on today, buddy?
Have you been watching the news?
Kim, did you see what happened to that Lyra Logan?
I sure did.
Yeah, it was horrible what happened.
She got assaulted.
And sexually assaulted.
And people were blaming her for that.
I saw that.
Just because she's hot or something.
And that's it's not her fault at all.
They can't blame the woman that those Muslims are animals.
That's what everyone knows, Musi.
That's what you want.
Moron.
What are you talking about?
Because somebody got raped?
All of a sudden they're all animals?
Yep, that's exactly it.
I don't understand.
There's lots of rapes in every country.
Why?
Jim, you know that the Muslim Brotherhood, they're all like maniac and rapists and they're savages and they're all crazy.
Morton, who was telling you this stuff?
Sean Hannity.
Okay, Moron.
Well, he's just trying to scare you.
Oh, really?
He's doing that thing that we talked about.
Remember?
It's called fear-mongering?
Right.
We talked about that.
He's just making you afraid of someone who is the other.
Yes.
Correct, Moron.
And he's doing that in order to push a certain political agenda.
Agenda.
Correct.
Oh, thanks.
What agenda!
Nothing, Trees.
Don't worry.
Did Sean Hannity trick you again?
No, Trees.
Are you scared again?
No.
What is it, Death Panel?
No.
Diane Days?
No.
Hell Cat?
No.
Socialism?
No.
Muslim Brother.
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, he made me scared of that.
Yes, Moron, and there's nothing to be afraid.
I mean, I'm not saying we can't have concerns about the Muslim Brotherhood, but, you know, you don't need to be crazy about them.
I'm concerned.
They're not the same Muslim Brotherhood of decades ago.
They've renounced violence.
Really?
And they've really embraced all the foundations of a democratic life, including alternation of power, popular sovereignty, and judicial independence.
I mean, I mean, the Muslim Brotherhood, you know, they're not liberals, but they're certainly not as crazy as people have made them out to be, okay?
My shirt's all wrinkled.
Why don't you use the Mr. Steamy I got you?
Yeah.
Would you get her?
Yeah, I got her a Mr. Steamy.
What is that?
Well, Kim.
What is it?
You wouldn't dry your clothes with the iron, and you wouldn't iron your clothes with the dryer, right?
What are you talking about?
Now you can do both at the same time with Mr. Steamy.
You can dry and...
Well, I'm glad it's revolutionary.
Oh, release?
I caught the accent the first time.
How does it work, Moron?
Well, you just add water to the Mr. Steamy and then toss it in the dryer.
Really?
And as your dryer heats up, the ball steams up.
And it's the steam that releases all the creases and the wrinkles from your dress shirts because they come out neat and professional looking.
You wear a lot of dress shirts, moron?
No.
Didn't think so.
Your pants and your slacks come out looking new and pressed, too.
Even your pillowcases and sheets come out looking hotel smooth, Jim.
I do like a crisp sheet, Moron.
So does Teres.
What do you got on underneath your shirt?
It's a slim tea.
A lot.
A slim tea.
It's an undergarment for men, Therese.
What?
Just tightens up your waistline and it trims down your love handles.
Not only that, it can improve your posture with its crisscross design back panel.
Thank you.
Moron, it sounds like you're wearing a girdle.
Aren't those really hot?
No, Jim.
Really, Moron?
It's got a 12-structured panel that is not hot on the body and it's not constricting.
A pan panel?
It's made with breathable material and can be worn under suits, t-shirts, even a polo.
Speaking of dressing up, what did you guys do for Valentine's Day?
Oh, Jim.
I took Therese out for a nice dinner and a comedy show at a comedy club.
Oh, that could sometimes backfire.
It was great.
Oh, good.
You were hilarious.
Oh, who did my favorite show ever?
Do you remember who the comedians were?
No.
You don't remember your favorite show?
I think the first guy I liked, and then the fourth guy, maybe.
But you don't remember the name?
Why?
What did he do?
Yeah, well, I was just telling Therese how glad I was that we were there and that we were having a good time, I think.
During the show, I was showing her something, and the guy started yelling at us to shut up.
Well, you were talking during the show, yeah.
And I told the guy, I said, We're not even talking to you, so why do you care?
And then I went back to talking to Therese.
Yeah, but where were you sitting?
Were you right in the front?
Yeah, second row.
And you were talking while the comedian was.
I went back to talking to her.
I wasn't talking to the guy.
Jim, don't you start?
Mora, I'm just there's someone doing, I know how that feels.
You're doing a show, and someone's talking as you're trying to do a show.
It's not, it's very annoying.
How did it end?
I got a phone call, so I stopped talking to him.
You took a phone?
I told you not to answer the phone, Don Ass.
It was important.
It's rude.
She's right about that.
I'll tell you what's rude.
I'll tell you what's rude when I'm on the phone with my friend Jimmy and I gotta talk to you.
Jimmy, I'm gonna go.
I'll tell you what's rude.
We're gonna do this.
You're catching Mr. Steamy with your hand.
I'll tell you what's rude.
Okay, another Tuesdays with Moron.
Moron calling in.
He's getting the Muslim Brotherhood.
He's a little afraid of this.
I love that the Mr. Steamy reverses what the dryer is trying to do is get the moisture out of your clothes.
I never thought about it like that.
You're right.
Yes.
It's putting steam into your dryer.
There's already moisture in the dryer.
You don't need to put steam into your dryer.
No!
There's already steam in the stream.
Oh my god.
I never thought about that, Paul.
How could that work then?
It can't make your dryer work harder.
It can't work.
Okay.
It does make your dryer.
Oh.
Okay, that's our show.
And I want to thank everybody who helped make the show possible.
Ben Zelovansky, Paul Gilmartin, Robert Yasamura, Steph Samurano, Stan Stankos, Ali Lexa, the voice of Haley Barber today, done by Mike McRae.
And I want to thank everybody for stopping over at JimmyDorkComedy.com, signing the email list, leaving a comment, checking out the videos.
And until next week, I beg you, be the best you can be.
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