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Oct. 8, 2010 - Jimmy Dore Show
57:15
20101008_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_-_October_7_2010
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It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...the kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
So sit back or sit up or keep driving.
Because it's the Jimmy Door show.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the show.
This week in Los Angeles, where I usually do the show, is a fun drive week.
So I took a week out of town telling jokes at the San Francisco punchline.
Now, if you know, I recorded the show this week at my house.
And we didn't have the services of my usual producer, Ali Lexa.
So you're going to notice a little difference in the quality of the audio recording.
But there's a lot of good stuff in there, a lot of good comedy.
But before we get to the rest of today's show, I wanted to play a little.
I was watching Michael Steele.
I couldn't believe they let him on TV during the election season.
Michael Steele was on television with Lawrence O'Donnell Tuesday night.
And this is what...
He is the chairman of the Republican National Committee.
A lot of people say the Republicans chose him as their chairman because we had our first black president.
And they wanted to show that, hey, we have one black guy, too.
He makes so many gaps that they've sent him out to Guam in the last couple of weeks.
And they have him driving around the country in a bus so nobody can talk to him.
But somehow he ended up on the Lawrence O'Donnell show on national television again.
I mean, the guy's a gaff machine.
We all know it.
Remember a couple of months ago, he was asked if he could condemn Rand Paul's view that private businesses should still be able to discriminate on the basis of skin color.
They asked him if he can condemn that view, and here's how he handled it.
You know, the first view condemned that view.
I can't condemn a person's view.
That's like, you know, you believe something, and I'm going to say, well, you're, you know, I'm going to condemn your view of it.
Yes, when you're being asked to condemn someone's view of something, it's like someone having a view of something and then you say, I condemn it.
That's exactly what it's like, Mike.
And here's Michael Steele on CNBC telling us who we should trust to fix our economy.
Don't trust the federal government to get it done.
We're here on Wall Street.
Trust those people who built the economy in the past.
The federal government has never created one job that is sustainable long term.
It creates government project work, but it's not creating real work where people are.
Goodness telling the American people to trust Wall Street.
So that was Michael Steele genius telling two financial reporters that the American people should trust Wall Street to fix the economy that they broke.
So here he was Tuesday night on with Lawrence O'Donnell, and they were talking about the minimum wage because the teabaggers new thing.
First of all, you have to remember teabaggers are Republicans.
They won and they're running as Republicans and a lot of them are against the minimum wage.
Now, the Republican Party doesn't want to be seen as coming out against the minimum wage publicly.
They want to do these things behind closed doors.
So Michael Steele was in a tough spot.
Lawrence O'Donnell asked him a tough question.
So Michael, do you want to make a Republican Party commitment to minimum wage workers that you absolutely will not consider repealing or reducing the minimum wage?
Nice try, Lawrence.
I don't do policy.
I do political.
Okay, so there we have Michael Steele saying, ah, you're not going to catch me in that.
He's not going to disagree with his Tea Party Republican primary candidates.
He's not going to, Lawrence, you're not going to trick him into that.
He doesn't do policy.
He does what he calls politico.
Now, I don't know what politico is.
I know it's an online news organization, but I didn't know it was an actual word.
Politico?
Is that an actual word?
I don't know.
So he says politico, and Lawrence O'Donnell comes right back at him.
Do you think it's a good idea?
Do you think it's good politics to reduce the minimum wage?
So there's Lawrence O'Donnell.
Said, okay, I'll play your game.
You don't do policy.
You do politics.
Well, is it good politics to be against the minimum wage?
Very deftly played.
And here's Michael Steele's response.
Doesn't matter to me what I think.
You know, I didn't think Michael Steele could top himself, but he just topped himself.
Hey, you know what?
To get out of a tight spot, I'll even say it doesn't matter what I think to me.
It doesn't matter to me what I think.
Okay, Michael.
And yes, I'm going to admit that I'm getting a lot of pleasure.
I'm getting a lot of joy out of watching the mainstream Republican establishment twist like a pretzel to try to accommodate these Tea Party, these teabagging Republicans.
It is fun to watch, and that's what's happening right here with Michael Steele.
And then Lawrence O'Donnell asks him a question, which seems like a pretty easy question.
By the way, what is the minimum wage?
Oh, no.
Are you kidding me?
Asking a Republican what the minimum wage is?
That's worse than asking George Bush, how much does a gallon of milk cost?
Okay, well, here goes.
What did he say?
You really like the minimum wage, don't you?
Okay, so everybody knows by this time already that Michael Steele doesn't know what the minimum wage is.
Because if he did, he would have said it.
And what follows is an example of a guy who doesn't know the first rule of when you're in a hole, stop digging.
I want to talk about where I have a thing besides one issue.
Our minimum wage job was a lot of people.
The country is hemorrhaging.
The country is hemorrhaging jobs right now.
If you don't care about the minimum wage, I tell us the minimum job.
Look, look, I know.
Look, look, Lawrence, stop the trap playing here.
That's right, Lawrence.
You can stop the trap playing because the trap has been tripped.
Yeah, that's right.
You caught something.
And who is it?
It's a big idiot.
But that is really Michael Steele's M.O. Michael Steele does not know when to stop talking.
I think he talks to really dumb people most of the time.
And then every once in a while, when he goes on television, he's talking to people with reasonable intelligence, and he doesn't understand why they won't buy his BS.
Here's another great example.
Harry was back on that same CNBC program trying to tell two financial reporters that George Bush actually created jobs during his administration.
George Bush created a lot of jobs.
Now, when somebody says, I beg your pardon like that, they're not really begging your pardon.
They heard exactly what you said, and they don't need anything pardoned.
What they're really saying is, are you shinging me?
I think there were jobs created in the eight years that George Bush was.
I can pull up some numbers too.
My numbers against your numbers, and we'll see what we end up.
I think the jobs were created.
I'm almost almost confident.
Boy, it really sucks when you're trying to peddle some BS and the two people you're talking to know more about it than you.
And it leads you to say things like, I'm almost confident of that.
Almost confident.
I'm almost confident.
I'm not confident.
I'm not confident, but almost.
So that's pretty good that George Bush created jobs.
But true to form, Michael Steele couldn't stop digging.
So the Lehman blow up and all that, that didn't happen on Bush.
Now you switched.
Now you're John DeBlue.
You're talking about the market.
You've got to get into the term.
So you're now at the end of the term and there were a whole lot.
That doesn't count.
It does count.
He was still in town.
Okay.
Take your rose-colored glasses off, all right, and look at what really happened.
The question is, and you asked the question, what's the plan?
Yes.
And the plan is, I'd much rather take the billions of dollars that we're spending on government intrusion into the markets and turn it over to the capitalists, the entrepreneurs, and the risk takers out there.
We tried to do their thing.
No, we didn't.
Look, and we've been successful doing that.
You tried this unfettered capitalism that you're preaching.
I'm not preaching.
I'm wound up with a disaster.
Let me just finish my point.
We wound up with a disaster on Wall Street.
A disaster in the Gulf thanks to no regulation from MMS during the Bush years.
Wait a minute.
Man, this guy just keeps getting his lunch handed to him left and right.
But he had all the buzzwords in there too, so it must have really confused Michael Steele how this guy's tripping him up.
Wait a minute, I said capitalists.
I said risk takers.
I said entrepreneurs.
I said every buzzword that's in my right-wing catalog, and this guy is still coming at me.
And Michael Steele tries one more time.
This administration signed off on that.
This administration signed off on that.
So don't start doing the Bush administration question.
You guys, you guys, no question, Obama.
Look for where we are and go forward.
I mean, the past.
You must be used to like buying time and speaking without interruption.
And let's close out this Michael Steele tribute with some thoughts that David Feldman had about the Republican chairman last April.
Michael Steele failed the Washington, D.C. bar and is therefore forbidden from practicing law in our nation's capital.
Those who can't become head of the GOP.
Steele is black.
The party's white.
Steele's not just a black Republican.
He's the black Republican.
He's chairman because that makes it easier keeping an eye on him.
His name is Steele, if you catch my drift.
But money is still missing.
Steele burns through cash faster than he earns it, or as Republicans might say, typical Negro.
Steele squanders cash on lavish parties, Hawaiian vacations, and bondage clubs.
Yes, that's right.
SNM, the party of Lincoln, is into slaves.
Steele became chairman of a GOP, promising to convince blacks to vote Republican.
Pretty difficult considering the Republican Party's primary objective is preventing blacks from voting at all.
See Florida, Texas, and Ohio.
Republicans love money just about as much as they hate blacks.
But to be a black Republican, well, Steele must love money a whole lot more than he loves himself.
Then again, I'm pretty sure that rings true for all Republicans because there's a lot of self-loathing on their side of the aisle.
The only thing shocking about that bondage club is it didn't operate out of a bus station men's room.
Michael Steele heads the GOP because he's black.
Period.
Leave it to the party of closeted gay men to perfect the art of window dressing.
Michelle Bachman's face gets tarted up to disguise the real ugliness of the Tea Party, while the old Confederacy's vice-like grip is tempered by Michael Steele's melanin-rich veneer.
They fool nobody.
Since the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the GOP has been a sanctuary for white supremacists.
You can put lipstick on a pit bull, but Sarah Palin's still a pig.
So thank you for indulging me at my little walk down Michael Steele Lane.
When he's on television, it doesn't happen too often anymore.
You got to take advantage of it.
So once again, thanks for indulging me on my Michael Steele trip.
And now on to today's show.
I want to billboard quickly, let you know what we're going to talk about on today's show.
We talk about the fire in Tennessee and the firemen who watched it.
We talk with Troy Conrad from AngryTownhall.com, who's really against fire departments and socialism.
We hear from Jim Hightower, Moron drops in, and a lot more.
So enjoy.
We'll be right back.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to a special edition of the Jimmy Dorcher.
What makes it special?
Well, because I'm actually in San Francisco right now.
We pre-recorded this show.
It's something a little different.
I'm not in the studio right now today doing this.
While you are in the studio, I can see you.
No, Ben, I'm in San Francisco.
What?
That's Ben Zalavansky is here.
Steph Zamarano is sitting in with me.
Our technical director is Paul Bartunik.
And Troy Conrad is here too.
Say hi, Troy.
Hi, everybody.
Okay.
So I think we all are familiar with the Tennessee story, the fire in Tennessee.
A house goes up in flames and firefighters don't respond despite the homeowners' plea for help.
I had invited my $75, and that's what they want, $75, and they don't care how much they burn down.
Imagine your home catches fire, but the local fire department first won't respond, then watches it burn.
That's exactly what happened to a local family tonight.
A local neighborhood is furious after firefighters watched as an Obayan County, Tennessee home burned to the ground.
The homeowner says he offered to pay whatever it would take for firefighters to put out the flames, but was told it was too late, and they wouldn't do anything to stop his house from burning.
That's right.
You know, it's $75 was the price it would cost, buddy.
Okay?
So if you guys, if you aren't familiar with the story, that was the news report from the Tennessee news station.
What happened is this Obayan County in Tennessee has a great system.
They don't, if your house catches on fire, they just don't send the fire department out to put your house out.
What you have to do is pay a $75 fee up front, and you pay a $75 fee up front every year, and that is like your insurance.
So that you pay them $75.
They're going to come and they're going to put your house out.
But this guy didn't pay $75.
And so his house caught on fire.
He called the 911 and they said, I'm sorry, you're not on the list, which is a great way to do it, by the way.
Hi, my house is on fire.
Hang on, let me check the list.
So then they have to check the list of people who have paid the $75 so that your fire company will come out and put out your fire.
He wasn't on the list.
So it's probably not, it's a small town, right?
There can't be that many people.
I'm sure it doesn't take hours to go over the list.
Maybe it's another five or ten minutes.
Right.
I see.
So what?
I mean, if the house burns for another couple of minutes is that such a thing.
It's not like time is of the essence in an emergency situation.
Yeah, you know, I mean, where's the fire?
Oh, and no, wait, it's at the guy's house.
Wait, it's at the guy's house.
Yeah.
So that's so just the backstory on that.
That's what happened.
The guy didn't pay $75.
So they pay $75 a year for this protection.
Correct.
Or they don't.
I guess they're saying that.
Or they said this guy didn't.
So he calls up.
911 says, no, we're not coming.
He calls up again.
They say, no, we're not coming.
He calls a third time.
They say no.
The fire actually starts to catch his neighbor's yard on fire.
His neighbor calls.
They check the list.
Oh, you paid your $75.
They come out and they put out his neighbor's yard, which caught on fire.
And they go right up to his fence line with water and they stop right there.
No.
Do you know what?
And the thing is, it just makes me, I can't wait to travel now.
I wish I was out of the country when this was happening, just so I could show everybody else.
See, America is a good country.
We're great.
We don't let people's.
I mean, we do let people's houses, but isn't that what makes us great?
I think so.
That we let our houses burn to the, I mean, whatever.
Whichever way we're doing it, I'm sure is the right way.
Well, it's the American way.
It's the American one.
That makes it right.
And if you don't pay, you get suck it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Isn't that some of that Latin, I think, initially that was on the flag.
If you don't pay it, if you don't play.
If you don't pay, suck it.
I think that's.
It sounds a little better in the Latin.
But I think.
Now this really happened, and this is Ready?
If you don't pay your $75, then that hurts the fire department.
They can't use those resources, and you would be sponging off of your neighbor's $75 if they put out your neighbor's house and you didn't pay for it.
I mean, if your neighbor didn't pay for it, you did, and they put out their house.
Your neighbor is sponging off of your $75.
Yeah, see, and that's the way it's a good way to look at the world.
I think so.
That's what I think.
Glenn Beck really nailed it there.
It's either someone's sponging or someone isn't.
Well, far be it for me to point out any flaws in Glenn Beck's logic, but he's saying that the fire department needs that guy's $75 or they can't function.
They cannot function.
Although they are functioning without that guy's $75.
They put out the other fire.
Somehow.
So maybe they didn't need it that way.
Sounds like somebody's been sponging.
Yo.
Yo.
Yeah.
Sounds like somebody's been sponging.
The fire department's sponging probably off the police department, right?
Don't you think?
Yeah, I think so.
Wet fences make good neighbors.
Wet fences.
Yes, wet fences make great neighbors.
So that's so Glenn Beck says that you're going to want to be sponging.
And as soon as they put out the fire of somebody who didn't pay the $75, no one will pay the $75.
Why would you?
Okay, so that's a great point.
As soon as you put, if they would have put that guy's fire out, so what they're really doing, they're really doing a bigger service.
Sure, it would have been easy for those guys to put out that guy's fire.
That's the easy thing.
That's what a liberal would do, right?
But then, you know, you know, you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.
Right.
See what I'm saying?
You let his house burn down in the ground, and then he's going to be out of luck for a while.
Yeah, he'll remember that.
You see, that's the way that saying goes, isn't it?
You give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, you let his house burn down, he's out of luck for a while, and that's when he's really going to pull himself up by his bootstraps.
Obviously, this guy's been having it pretty easy for a while.
He didn't care.
He's a sponge.
He's a sponge.
And sponges are very flammable.
Unless they're wet.
Oh, that's true.
See, he didn't.
I forgot that you should have been a wet sponge.
Wet sponges make better neighbors.
But you can't argue with the lie.
Here's the logic at the end of the.
And as soon as they put out the fire of somebody who didn't pay the 75 bucks, no one will pay the $75.
It is hard to argue with logic that's so completely stupid.
And in unison.
That's true.
No one will pay.
Oh, that's right.
I didn't think about it.
I don't know why.
I wonder.
You know, I didn't think about it like that because no place else does their fire like that.
I live in Los Angeles.
We don't do it that way.
If your house gets on fire, they come out and they don't check your papers or they put out your fire.
Glenn Beck is like, you know, this guy, if they went and put his fire out, then the whole idea would be revealed to be a sham.
And we can't have that.
Better that his house should be burned down.
Yes.
And we'd be revealed.
We can't have this guy's house.
Yeah, exactly.
You know how stupid we would have looked?
You know why?
That's why.
Let's play it.
I want to play that again.
As soon as they put out the fire of somebody who didn't pay the $75, no one will pay the $75.
Why would you pay the $75 if they're going to pay?
Well, that's, you know, and someone made this point before, but it's funny how they're speaking as if the system that they have set up is a good system.
They go, well, this is how the system works.
It makes sense.
But this is the problem with this way of thinking, is that they're defending the system.
To them, the purpose of the fire department is not to put out fires.
It's to prove that a certain way of thinking is right.
Yeah.
Oh, yes.
Like, in other words, we can't have it.
People know that this is dumb.
Like, the point of the fire department is not to prove a point about privatizing.
The point of the fire department is to put out fires.
Yeah.
Like, they don't want to do the thing that it's actually supposed to do when it could be used to make a cheap political point and ruin somebody's life.
Ben, that is very well said.
Oh, you know what?
No one.
It's very, you know, I can only half enjoy you making that great point because the half that I can enjoy it is the part that I didn't make that argument myself.
Do you want to go back?
I would like to go back and erase this because, you know, I'm in San Francisco right now.
In your defense, it's going to take you a little bit longer.
It would take normally I would, and I would co-opt that as my idea so the listeners would still respect me.
And then.
But who knows?
You keep saying things like that.
You might get your own show.
Oh.
Work for David Felson.
Fridays at 3.30.
Yeah, you know, I keep seeing this fire department as if it's like they've shaped and been inspired by the little red hen story.
You know, it's the little red hen who wants to make the cake or something that day and nobody will help her make the cake.
And if they don't help her make the cake, then they don't get any.
No one has exactly.
Or it's like the fable about the industrious, like the field mice or something, and one of them stores food away all summer and the other one is just playing around.
Yeah.
Goofing off.
Yeah, and then at the end, the industrious mouse says, okay, you can come in and share mine.
Except at the end of this story, he lets the other mouse die.
Yes.
Well, you know, it's so funny because Michael Moore was making the exact point.
He was going around the country saying when he was trying to during the healthcare debate, he was saying, hey, we need single-payer health care because, you know, the same reason why we have single-payer fire care and single-payer policemen.
And that's the same reason why you need single-payer health care, but they don't have single-payer firemen down there.
That is a it is a pay-as-you-go.
It's not, it's funny, that guy paid taxes, but they don't put the fire department in the taxes.
Please, do you think, is it the same thing with police, do you think?
Like, do you have to call up in the middle of being murdered?
Well, I guess, and give your credit card number.
Well, I'll tell you what.
That's funny.
That's funny.
You know, I live in Pasadena.
I say Los Angeles.
Your vacation home is in Pasadena.
My vacation home is in Pasadena.
Yes.
Now, I had to call an ambulance, right?
So I called 911.
I had my knee.
I was chasing down.
I was killing some criminals.
So, yeah, I took care of it.
I did a couple of bad flips.
They got scared about my gymnastics.
They thought it was a ninja.
But then I hurt my knee.
Anyway, so I had to call a 911, and then I got a bill for the ambulance ride.
I got a bill like for $1,100 for the ambulance ride.
I'm like, wait a minute.
Isn't this what I pay taxes for?
Luckily, my health insurance covered most of its death.
And then the part that it didn't cover, we had to cover.
Wow.
But I was like, well, isn't that what I pay taxes for?
And what the hell?
And that's the thing about Glenn Beck and his, and let's play it again.
But, Jimmy, you know, if you take an ambulance without paying for it, then no one's going to pay to ride in the ambulance.
Soon as they put out the fire of somebody who didn't pay the $75, no one will pay the $75.
Yeah.
Why would you pay it?
You know what?
The bigger question is, why do you have such a screwed-up system?
That's not like, hey, this system's screwed up.
And maybe if we only need $75 from a guy to ensure that his house, maybe we should just include that in the taxes.
Why don't they just include that in the taxes?
By the way, I called them today.
Oh, really?
I called down to the, what's the county?
It's not the Obama.
Obayan County.
Obayan.
And you know, what do you say about well, if you want fire protection?
Oh, Bayon.
That's what it stands for.
All right, Obayan.
Obayan.
I called this.
What is the county?
Obayan County.
It's Obayan County.
And then the city, I called the city.
South Fulton.
The South Fulton.
I called their police, the fire department, and no one's answering today.
I am sorry.
You know, if you want to leave a message, go ahead.
But if you need to talk to somebody right away, press this number.
So I did.
Got another machine.
And they go, hey, if you need to talk to somebody right away, call this number.
I called that number.
No, no machine.
No nothing.
Did you try giving them $75?
Somebody did.
Yes, I did try.
Somebody did answer.
I called back like three times, right?
So then at one point, so I kept trying different options, trying to get a voicemail.
They go, if you know the extension, oh, so I did that.
So then somebody picked up and hung up immediately.
Somebody went, click, click, click.
And I was like, you son of a.
Maybe there was a fire.
But I did leave some messages.
And I got a hold.
The guy who was the fire chief happened to be golfing.
Honest to God.
This is just a day he was?
The day when the fire.
When the guy's house was burning down, the fire chief was golfing just a few miles away.
He was golfing during the fire.
A public course?
And he had to say, I wonder if it was.
And the course.
That's covered.
That's covered.
Public golf.
Public golf course.
If it caught on fire, of course, they take care of that.
Yeah, then they would want to put out.
But they had to ask that guy.
You know, that guy had to say no.
You know, they, no, he says no.
And he's golfing, and they found out that that guy.
So I found out who that guy was.
So I found him on Facebook.
I found him on Facebook.
And I sent him, I said, hey, I just want to say thank you.
Great job on letting that job on letting that freeloader's house burn down.
We have to get rid of these lazy liberals and teach them that socialism does not work.
Every time another house burns in Tennessee, an angel gets his wings.
When I heard that fire departments were finally letting houses burn, it made me shed a tear of joy at what a wonderful example we are setting for the rest of the world.
America hates socialism so much that it's willing to let its neighbors' houses burn.
That's true commitment to liberty.
You are the new greatest generation, and you should be proud.
Don't beat yourself up either.
You did what Jesus would have done, and you know it.
Good for you.
It takes a strong man and an even stronger fireman to watch as a neighbor's house burns.
God bless you.
Wow.
That was my fire chief is David Wilds.
That's his name, W-I-L-D-S, David Wilds.
And he's on Facebook?
And he's on Facebook, and you can find him.
I'm sure he's really glad that he's on Facebook.
And you can find him.
I found him on Facebook.
It's a picture of him right in front of the fire truck.
So you know it was him.
There's a bunch of David Wilds that come up, but it was his picture.
And if you go to cityofsouthfulton.org and then you click on the fire department, it comes up, his picture.
And here's their mission statement, right?
The mission of the South Fulton Fire Department is to protect the lives and property of its citizens and provide good public relations through fire safety education to all businesses and schools.
That public relations thing, they're kind of falling out of the job on that, I think.
I read that this mission statement holds a record for the most asterisks in a mission statement.
Is that true?
I think it does hold the most asterisks.
So I wrote that guy.
It's just funny.
It's just the stuff that they I called 731-479-0213 is the number.
That's for non-emergency calls.
And that's on their website, so it's not like I'm giving, I'm not telling tales.
So that's the fire.
And you want to call?
And I tried to get an interview.
Let's see how long it stays on the website.
731-479-0213 for non-emergency calls to the city of South Fulton.
And I was asking for an interview with David Wilds or the city manager or the mayor.
And nobody could even answer the phone.
So they're really on it.
Of course, they can't put out a fire.
They can't even pick up the phone.
Thank you.
I'll be alone.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to the show.
Before I let you know what's coming up on the rest of this half hour, I want to let you know where I'm going to be telling jokes.
People like to know when the Jimmy Doer show comes to their town.
This weekend, I'm at the San Francisco Punchline, October 6th through 9th.
And then on October 14th, there's a brand new comedy club in Burbank, California called Flappers.
Flappers at the corner of Magnolian First.
And that's October 14th.
I'm going to be there with Greg Barrent, Mark Marin, and Rick Overton.
So come on out.
And if you'd like to win some free tickets for that show, here's what you have to do.
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, you sign the email list, and I'm going to give away a pair of tickets to the first five people who sign the email list.
So if you go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign my email list, I'll email you back and let you know you got a pair of tickets to October 14th show, Jimmy Door and Friends, at the Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, California.
And if you're a KPFK Film Club member, you're going to get in free.
Look at that.
KPFK Film Club members, Flappers, Thursday, October 14th, Jimmy Doerr, Rick Overton, Mark Marin, and Greg Barrett.
Film club members get in free.
And then on October 21 through 23, I'm going to be in Ann Arbor, Michigan at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase.
And at the end of the month, October 29 and 30, I'm going to be in Ventura, California at the Ventura Comedy Club.
See you there.
Coming up on the rest of the show, we're going to have moron calls in, and we're going to talk about Carl Palladino.
And right now, here's some words from our good friend Jim Hightower.
In California, a surprising new union movement is growing like a weed, having taken root in a burgeoning economic sector that has enormous potential: marijuana.
The Golden State was one of the first to legalize the use of medical marijuana.
And a network of licensed growers, dispensaries, and other related businesses has since flourished.
It turns out that pot is a labor-intensive product, and the producers, distributors, and retailers of weed have become something of a hotbed for local job growth.
These workers, as in any other industry, need a unified voice to achieve a living wage, decent benefits, training, job security, upward mobility, and other elements of a shared prosperity that create a middle class.
In a word, unions.
In Oakland, the first step toward a unionized workforce for medical marijuana businesses was taken this May when about 100 retail employees voted to join local five of the United Food and Commercial Workers.
With a depressingly high unemployment rate, Oakland officials cheered this introduction of good paychecks, which will allow families to spread their increased incomes through the local economy.
Then, in September, Local 70 of the Teamsters Union added to Oakland's marijuana momentum by signing up about 40 gardeners, trimmers, and other skilled workers who were employed by a local business that contracts to grow pot for medical marijuana patients in the area.
The Teamsters negotiated a two-year contract with the business that provides a $7 pay hike, health coverage, paid vacation, and pension.
The kind of jobs that can sustain a community.
This is Jim Hightower saying, ironically, federal law still outlaws marijuana, but common sense state and local laws are showing that by literally going to pot, such legalized grassroots enterprises can give people and their communities an entirely new high.
Okay, thanks, Jim, for that report.
Very nice.
Thank you very much.
So now we're going to talk about Tea Party candidate again.
We're going to talk about Carl Palladino from New York, the Empire State.
Yes.
And, you know, he's had a few problems.
Like, for instance, that he fathered a child with another woman.
He sent around racist, sexist, and pornographic emails.
Yeah, which is not, it's not a big deal because he had a great, he did send around racist, sexist emails, but he has a great excuse.
I didn't mean to offend anybody.
See, he didn't mean to offend anybody.
Yeah.
So you can't.
All that intent.
Yeah.
You know, you're going to tell, you know, you're going to send an email that shows a bunch of monkeys doing the river dance and say, hey, proof that the Iris came from Africa.
I didn't mean to offend him.
How is that offensive?
So he has that problem.
He got caught threatening a reporter from the New York Post.
Here it is doing that.
Oh, no, no, I'll take you out.
So there he is saying he's going to take out a New York reporter.
And he said, how are you going to do that?
Watch, he said, okay.
And so here, and here he is giving his speech, his acceptance speech at the GOP convention.
By now, I think you're seeing the difference between me and my competitors.
One wants to clean up Albany with a whisk room.
The other, he might even use a map.
Me, I'll clean out Albany with a baseball bat.
Huh?
Because he's classy.
Although, in defense, you know, like when I'm cleaning around the house, I have stopped using whisks and mops.
It's all baseball bats.
It's all baseball.
You know what?
You can't get into the corners without a good How are you going to get the corners, right?
You got to get the bat.
And sometimes if there's a spot I just can't get out on the wall or something, I just hit it with a baseball bat.
I don't see it again.
Yeah, I think there's also, I find like for stubborn stains, I'll shoot it.
I'll just on the rug or whatever, just blow a hole in the floor.
Okay.
You know, but he actually called me.
Carl Palladino?
Well, we're kind of old friends.
And anyway, he left me a message.
Hi, Jimmy.
This is Carl Palladino.
I'm the Tea Party candidate for governor of New York.
People have been saying a lot of nasty things about me, like I'm a bully, or I have terrible judgment, or I don't have the right temperament to hold public office.
Basically, the kind of stuff that makes you want to bash someone's head in with a baseball bat.
I'm calling because I want to come on your show and explain to all the panty wastes in your audience that if they want to get things done for the state of New York, they're going to need a guy like me who's going to bash Albany's head in with a baseball bat.
Okay, I got to go.
I got all this laundry piling up.
I'm going to go bash its head in with a baseball bat.
Wow.
It seems like maybe kind of a one-track mind.
Yeah, he does talk a lot about the baseball bats.
I'll tell you that.
There's no doubt about it.
I wanted to – the team – Right now, Christine O'Donnell has hers.
She's running for Senate in Delaware.
She's a tea partier, but she's running on the Republican ticket.
And here's her new commercial.
I'm not a witch.
So it seems like she's going to...
This is how her commercial starts out.
Okay, let's do it again, ready?
Because this is a fun thing.
I'm not a witch.
Yeah, but are you a goblin?
I don't know.
How do I know if you're a goblin?
I'm nothing you've heard.
Really?
You mean, because all that stuff I heard came out of your mouth.
That would be weird.
I'm you.
Oh, really?
You know, unless you have a penis and think clearly, I don't think you're me.
You know, she's not me because I am a witch.
Oh, there you go.
None of us are perfect, but none of us can be happy with what we see all around us.
Wow.
You mean people masturbating and had.
First of all, if you see that all around you, you should maybe move.
Yeah.
Where are you?
Oh, my God.
What's happening?
Everybody's upset with what's happening all around us.
I see evolution happening right in front of my faces.
Politicians who think spending, trading favors, and backroom deals are the ways to stay in office.
What I'm going to do is I'm going to sell my soul to corporate America and do whatever they want.
Nothing in the back room.
Yeah, no, yeah.
The problem is the location of the deal.
I'll go to Washington And do what you do.
Really?
Because what I would do is I would go to Washington and vote for single-payer health care to reinstate Glass-Steagall.
Is that what you're talking about?
Well, I think she means – I'll maybe have a nice lunch.
Oh, that's what she means.
And it's a great walking town.
When I go there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Go see Ford's Theater.
Oh, that's what you mean.
Am I misunderstanding?
I had breakfast across the street.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm Christine O'Donnell, and I approve this message.
I'm you.
Okay.
So that's Christine O'Donnell.
That's really poignant.
But you know what?
That's a little bit better.
Here's another tea party.
Wait, can I just say, though, I think that, first of all, I love that she opens with I'm not a witch.
Yeah.
That's the first.
If you didn't know, like, what if you hadn't heard that?
And you saw that ad, and you're like, what on earth is she saying?
Yeah, like, if you were out of the country for the last month and a half, let's say you were away on military duty and you just came back, you just got back in and all of a sudden you're turning that.
I am not a witch, and I want to be your senator.
It must be like, I'm not a witch.
Okay.
I'm not a witch.
I think they should add that to the disclaimer.
Like, I'm Christine O'Donnell, and I approve this message, and I'm not a witch.
And I'm not a witch.
Everyone should have to say whether it's a bad thing.
I thought it was like a seasonal commercial for her.
Oh, because it was Halloween.
Like in October.
Oh, she's not a witch.
Okay, so here is November.
I'm not an Indian.
Yes.
So here is the.
I'm not a naughty nurse.
I am not Cupid.
No, that's for February.
It'll be over by then.
It'll be February.
I was wondering why.
And then in December, I am not the baby Jesus.
I don't think she'd say that.
I do not have.
Oh, that's right.
I am you.
I was trying to fit the word Magi into a joke right there, and I couldn't think of it.
I don't know what the Magi is.
What is the Magi?
Or the gift of the Magi?
Magi was the.
Here's another commercial for this.
Here's another commercial the Tea Party is running.
And you kind of can tell this is a little different than Christine O'Donnell's.
So this one's a little bit more extreme.
Let's see if you can tell.
After the Muslims conquered Jerusalem and Cordoba and Constantinople, they built victory mosques.
And now they want to build a mosque by ground zero.
Where does Bob Etheridge stand?
He won't say, won't speak out, won't take a stand.
The terrorists haven't won.
And we should tell them in plain English: no, there will never be a mosque at Ground Zero.
I'm Renee Elmers, and I approve this ad.
Okay, that's a real ad.
Wow.
Okay, that's real.
There are people voting for that person.
Well, first of all, Carl Palladino is getting 33% of the vote in New York.
But Chris Matthews heard that.
Chris Matthews heard that.
And he said this.
All right, he must be an idiot to vote for people to show this stuff to you.
A fool.
And luckily, America is full of them.
Luckily, 33% of the electorate in New York are an idiot to vote for people to show this stuff to you.
A fool.
That's good.
Yeah, a fool.
And you know what?
They're full of the, literally, the country's full of them.
I am not a witch.
But they still aren't going to get votes.
And I'm going to tell you why the Tea Party has a chance of winning this year.
There's these Tea Partiers, all right?
The Democrats are horrible politicians.
We've talked about this the last few weeks.
You know why?
Because the Republicans have.
We have politically cleaned their clocks and beaten them.
Yes, they've politically cleaned the Democrats' clocks and beaten them.
And you know why?
Russ Feingold is running in Wisconsin.
Now, if you don't think about Russ Feingold, he's a real progressive.
He's one of those guys who's not beholden to corporate money, and he actually does the right thing.
He actually votes with the people for the best interest of the people.
And he's not going to win this year.
He's going to lose to the Republican challenger in Wisconsin.
And here's his commercial.
And I'm going to tell you because you can't see it.
So I'm going to give you the visual.
The visual is there's a bunch of professional, and there's a clips of NFL players in the end zone celebrating touchdowns at the beginning of this commercial.
Okay?
This is his commercial to get re-elected.
Right now, you could talk about health care.
You could talk about the Citizens United, how corporations are ruining our government.
You could talk about the bailout.
You can talk about how crazy what the Republicans, they want to repeal Obamacare.
So there's a lot of things to talk about.
Here's what Russ Feingold decided to talk about in his commercial.
They're dancing in the end control football.
They call this excessive celebration.
And you take disgusting ads.
They only punish it with fines and 15-yard penalty.
The crowd doesn't like it.
It's exactly the kind of behavior the corporate special interests and Ron Johnson are engaging in.
They're dancing in the end zone because they think they're going to take down the U.S. Senator who's been named the number one enemy of Washington Live.
No, another half to play.
Fortunately, the game isn't over yet.
Okay, that's the Rush Feingold commercial.
And I don't want, you know, I think the word pathetic is overused, but I think it really fits.
Well, is it, I'm not an expert in advertising, but is it bad when the first half of your 30-second spot has nothing to do with anything?
Nothing to do with anything.
You see football players celebrating in the end zone.
Professional football players celebrating it.
Oh, so they like to celebrate in the end zone.
They're even penalized for it.
15 yards sometime.
Are you talking about something?
What are you talking about to me?
I'm going to hear the top of that one more time.
They're dancing in the end control football.
They call this excessive celebration.
And you take disgusting ads.
They only punish it with fines and 15-yard penalty.
It's exactly the kind of beat.
Okay, so we're 11 seconds in.
And it's a 20.
I think it's a 20.
What's 15 and 11?
26.
It's a 26-second ad.
Well, it'll be, yeah.
Yeah.
I don't do math, by the way.
I'm not embarrassed by it.
I'm not embarrassed by it.
Maybe you should be a little.
I have a little bit about that.
But you know what he does accomplish in the first half of the ad is connecting his opponents with victory.
Yes.
These guys are my opponents.
These guys are winning winning.
Yeah, look at them celebrating.
It's the dumbest ad.
It's the dumbest ad I've ever heard in my life.
And you know what?
The worst part about what corporations are doing is definitely bragging.
That's the problem.
I'm not going to talk about what they're actually doing.
And you know what?
It makes me think, and it's like, let's like Rush Feingold.
You're right on all the issues.
You've got the issues.
You can beat these guys with the issues.
They're with you.
People don't want to privatize Social Security.
People don't want to get rid of Obamacare.
People do like single-payer health care.
People do want to get out of the wars.
People do want to re-regulate Wall Street.
But people also do like football.
People do want to extend unemployment benefits.
People do want to invest in our country.
People do want to do those.
And he doesn't.
He does a commercial like this that shows people playing football for half of his freaking commercial that has nothing to do with anything.
And that's the problem people are celebrating.
Why don't you show what the problem is, Russ?
And then we can, and then a solution.
Solve a problem, show a solution.
Who is doing his advertisement?
And you should lose.
He should lose.
He's a bad, he's a bad politician.
Isn't that so perfectly democratic that he's like, look, these guys are bragging a lot about their accomplishments.
That's not something I would do.
I like to keep a lid on what I've done.
That's not information I want getting out.
That's exactly.
You know what, Ben?
Again, you hit it perfectly.
Thank you.
Again, I'm going to rewind this in a minute.
I'm going to say that myself.
Well, since you put the perfect button on, I think we should play another voicemail I got from Carl Palladino.
Be called again.
Again.
Hey, Jimmy.
Carl Palladino again.
In my last message, I forgot to address the controversy about my sending around a bunch of racist and sexist emails.
As I have explained time and time again, those emails were not meant to be made public.
I sent them to a very select group of racists and sexists.
Suffice to say, if I find out who dropped a dime on me, I'm going to bash his head in with a baseball bat.
And what's worse, he's going to find himself banished from my email list.
You just don't rat out a fellow racist like that.
I'm sorry, but I have a no-tolerance policy when it comes to tolerance.
Okay, call me back and let me know when I can come on your show.
I got a pretty busy schedule, but send me some dates and I'll just bash my calendar's head in with a baseball bat.
Okay, that's Carl.
So it sounds like he's going to come on the show, maybe.
If you can get the dates worked out, yeah, we get it.
You know, he's a busy man.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, he's just a regular guy, working man, making $17 million a year.
Sure.
And not a witch.
I like that.
And he's not a witch.
He didn't say, but I think we could.
Doesn't it make you feel a little bit bad about yourself when you find it?
Does me.
Let me just put it that way then.
You know, it makes me feel a little bit bad about myself when I found out that Carl Palladino makes $17 million a year.
It was just like, really?
That guy has somehow figured that.
I guess.
Do you have a baseball bat?
That's a key idea.
Maybe I should.
What are you thinking?
I should go bash in a bank to burn their head with a baseball.
You're going to be at the punchline with a baseball bat?
I'm serious.
Don't you think?
Yeah, you know.
But, you know, in fairness, did he make the 17 million doing comedy?
No, no, no, no.
No, he went into the issue.
Thank you for being fair.
Hey, I really appreciate it.
It's about fairness.
It is about fairness.
If you don't have fairness, what have you got?
Okay, so you know what?
Let's play one more of those.
Carl left me one more voice.
Hold again?
I know.
I'd like to.
Here we go.
Jimmy, Carl Palladino.
What's the deal?
You don't return phone calls?
Are you trying to get bashed in the head with a baseball bat?
I mean, do you have any idea who you're dealing with?
Because it seems like you don't.
In case you haven't heard, I'm kind of a tough guy.
I got one advisor who doesn't pay his taxes, another one who stole a million dollars from a previous political campaign.
My driver's got a DWI.
I cheated on my wife and knocked out my old assistant.
And I like to threaten reporters with physical violence.
I'm basically so off the charts insane, even Rick Lazio won't endorse me.
So if I were you and I wanted to avoid getting bashed in the head with a baseball bat, I would give me a call back and set up an interview.
Don't make me take you out.
All right, I gotta go get on this conference call.
I'm gonna talk to about a sponsorship deal with the Louisville slugger people.
All right, Carl Palladino calling in.
Sounds like you better book him.
I think he's yeah, all right.
All right, I'm gonna, you know what?
We might take the show on the road, go to the Empire States.
There you go.
Hey, you know what?
Moron was sick this week.
He had the flu.
So we couldn't do a moron segment.
But now let me present one of my favorite moron segments, a vintage moron segment from earlier this year.
Hi, it's Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey, Jimmy, how are you doing?
It's Moron.
Hey, Moron.
What's going on, buddy?
A lot of good response to your last call.
Like people liked your alternate ending.
Hey, listen, Jimmy, you know me.
I'm a good American.
I bring my gun to the park.
Right, I'm easily manipulated by the corporate mouthpieces in the mainstream media to vote against my own economic interest.
And I always follow my government leaders right or wrong, no matter what they say, and left unless they happen to be a Democrat or a black.
Now, Jimmy.
Yeah, Moron.
Now, the thing I want to talk about today's is this Arizonas.
They got a new law.
Oh, yeah, the racist law.
They got this new law.
Yeah, that's it.
That says that you can't be an illegal immigrant in Arizonas or to get a trolley in jail, which now all the lefty liberals are upset because they want to give all my tax money to the lazy immigrants that come in to take our job and sell legal drugs to our kids at school.
Well, Moron, that's not really what's happening in Arizona.
Oh, Ned, that's what's happening.
I see that on Sean Hannity's.
We got, you know, all these illegal immigrants.
You know, the half of them come here to work for nothing and take our jobs.
And then the other half of them are coming here causing, you know, kind of criminal acts and stuff.
And then the other half of them are coming here selling dope.
So if you can identify who the illegal immigrants are, which we all know it's pretty easy to do that, that if you can do that, then you just isolate them and then you throw them in jail or get rid of them.
Problem solved, right, Jim?
No, Moron, problem not solved at all.
Sounds solved to me.
What this really does is turn us into a police state.
I like that.
What this does is says that the government, the government, can now come up to you at any time and make you prove that you live here in America.
It's like it's very kind of third Reichish, don't you think?
I don't know about no turn right, but the first right is that you gotta be here legally.
No, I'm talking about the third Reich.
Reich?
Yeah.
Reich?
Yeah.
Yeah, Reich?
Right.
Reich.
Right.
You're saying Reich.
Yes.
Yes.
Reich, right?
Yes.
I don't know what that is.
What are you saying?
Jimmy said it first.
Reika.
Reika?
Yeah, Reika.
A third Reicher.
The third Reiker!
Reich?
Where is he coming at?
I don't know.
All right, Moron.
Let's move on.
The bill is a bad thing, and that's what you need.
Yeah, but tell me why this is a bad thing, because you get to get rid of all the criminals that are coming here.
Well, see, that's exactly the point, Moron.
What this does, what this bill does, is demonize people from Latin American descent in America.
The problem isn't that immigrants are coming here to cause crime.
No.
That's called scapegoating.
What?
What the immigrants are coming here for?
No, they're coming here to work.
Well, then, why would everybody be so mad at them?
Because it makes good political hay to pander to racists to try to get elected in a primary season, I guess.
This is just a racist bill.
Even Father, the bishop in Los Angeles, Cardinal Mahoney, said it is one of the harshest assaults on civil rights in recent American history.
The country's most retrogressive, mean-spirited, useless anti-immigrant law.
Well, the Catholic bishops really know how to protect the innocent.
That's a joke.
What this really is, Moron, is a license to harass anyone who fits the bill.
In other words, Latinos.
Well, that's the problem, right?
I mean, that's who we are.
The problem is, we don't have a coherent immigration policy, Moron, which we've talked about before.
Well, I say anyways, you could avoid all this problem if they would just do secure the border like they secured the borders over in Iraq.
Well, I don't know what you what do you mean, how they secured the border in Iraq?
Well, I heard we're starting to pull out there, so they must have been able to secure the borders in Iraq and probably Afghanistan, too.
Like, whatever they do over there to secure it, why don't they just do it over here in America to secure it?
Well, Moron, I guess that would mean they're not secure over there.
Jim, you're telling me the border in Iraq and Afghanistan are not secure.
Yes, that's what I'm telling you.
Jim, then how could we be winning?
Listen, we're getting off track, Moron.
Let's get back to the issue, which is this bill.
The bill is specifically Bill SB 1070.
Makes it a crime to not be carrying papers that prove you are a citizen or proves your immigration status.
So that means, Moron, if you don't have your ID on you, cops could stop you and take you to jail.
Literally take you to jail.
Well, why wouldn't I have my ID on me?
That doesn't make no sense.
I always have my license for a half point something, or Derece is with me.
And you know what, Moron?
The whole thing is they're only going to be stopping people who look a certain way.
I mean, how are they going to be able to determine who they think is an illegal immigrant?
Oh, well, that's easy.
You got the ones with the dark skins, right?
And then you got the ones with the accents.
And then most of them play soccer.
That's easy.
Or if you get someone using the metric system.
You know, Moran, we don't need draconian laws like this.
Dracula.
Only scapegoat a certain ethnicity, a certain type of person.
Instead of really having compromises, what we really need is a comprehensive immigration policy in America.
But none of the politicians are gutsy enough to stand up and do what's right.
We already talked about why they don't really want to stop illegal immigration.
Listen, Jimmy, all this talking about Mexicans has got me hungry.
I know it's helpful.
I want to.
Therese knows how to say Trey Sayit.
Can't say.
She knows how to say that.
And I like to get the chili, chili cut quaso.
Mama, come on, Ren.
Let's go.
Therese, you better bring your papers or an ID.
You've been out in the sun all day.
What?
I'm just saying you look dark.
What are you talking about?
I need my paper.
Let's bring it.
I understand what you're saying.
Bring your back to the United States of America!
Yeah!
The United States of America And that was another episode of Tuesdays with Moron.
Thank you.
Okay, thanks, Moron.
I hope you enjoyed that vintage moron.
I want to let you know before I say goodbye to you that if you're a progressive and you live in Orange County, there's going to be a fundraiser for Melissa Fox.
It's a comedy show fundraiser.
October 10th, that's this Sunday in Newport Coast.
Go to melissaFox.com.
They have all the information.
That's this Sunday if you're in Orange County.
Melissa Fox is running for assembly, and there's going to be a comedy benefit for her.
And guess who's going to be performing on it?
That's right, yours truly.
Okay, hope to see you there.
And I want to take this time again, remind everybody, get your free tickets for the 14th, October 14th at Flappers.
The first five people to email me.
No, no, to sign my email list on jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Gonna send you some of those tickets.
And I want to thank everybody who helped make today's show possible.
My producer, Ali Lexa, my writers, Ben Zelobansky, Robert Yasimura, Stan Stankos, Jared Moskowitz, Steph Zamorano, Troy Conrad, and an especially big thanks to you for listening.
Okay, well, you know the drill.
Until next week, be the best you can be, and I'll be alone.
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