It's no-one special this week; just Dick!
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The Delingpod LIVE IN DORSET | James Delingpole x Clive de Carle
For the first time in Delingpod history, James will be bringing his podcast live to Dorset to chat with Clive de Carle. Purchase tickets here:
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Welcome to The Delling Ad with me, James Dellingpole, and I'm really excited about a very special event I've got coming up quite soon with our old friend Clive DeCarle.
This is my first, well actually it's my second, I lie, or maybe my third, my third Dellingpole event outside London and the smaller events are really good.
I mean they don't have the crowds of the London events but They're more intimate and you get more chance to spend quality time with James.
Anyway, my special guest is Clive De Carl and if you turn up you can discover all sorts of exciting things like is Clive's voice really as silky and yet sort of strangely nicotine stained as it sounds on the podcast?
Can he really be that laid-back in real life?
Of course, maybe you want to ask him how you cure the Big K. The Big K, of course, is something completely different from cancer.
And as you know, it's illegal to talk about any alternative methods of treating cancer.
But Clive can talk about all sorts of other conditions which are quite similar, like the one beginning with K. And we'll talk about other things as well.
I think Clive is keen to talk about the battle for freedom and what we can do to escape the encroaching tyranny.
Anyway, The event is in Dorset.
I thought, you know, I'd give the South Coast a chance to experience the Deling Pod.
And it's not far, it's outside Poole at a venue called the Hamworthy Club, if any of you know the Hamworthy Club.
It kicks off about seven, I might change the time and make it a bit earlier, I don't know yet, but seven roughly.
And it's on the 28th of July.
I didn't even mention that, did I?
I didn't mention the key detail.
28th of July.
July.
I'm going to put the booking details below.
It's going to sell out fairly quickly.
My events tend to.
So I'd get in there quick if I were you.
And I really look forward to meeting you.
Those of you I've met before and those of you I've never had the joy of meeting.
Anyway, it's going to be fun.
Of course it's going to be fun.
look forward to seeing you there.
Welcome to The DeliPod with me, James DeliPod.
And I know I always say I'm excited about this week's guest, but I'm not, because before we say hello to him again, a few words about things I've got coming up.
I'm really excited about seeing some of you, lots of you I hope, at my event with Clive de Carl.
Clive with his lovely silken, slightly nicotine stained voice in Dorset.
And I hope that we'll have a chance to explore Hardy country and meet lots of Dorset people.
Maybe PJ Harvey will turn up.
Who knows?
Maybe Tess of the d'Urbervilles.
Who else comes from Dorset?
Definitely those two.
And it's just going to be great.
I've got some other events coming up which are really exciting.
One name so huge you're just going to wet your pants.
But that's in the future.
My nearest event is this thing, 28th of July in Dorset.
You can find the Eventbrite advert below this podcast.
And the smaller events are kind of nicer.
The big events are a bit too huge.
I don't get to see you all.
But anyway, whatever.
Do come along if you can.
Now, also, I've got an exciting new sponsor.
Do you know what?
This sponsor, the Pure Gold Company, they've been trying to get hold of me for ages.
And I was so flaky that I just didn't do anything about it.
I didn't answer their emails or whatever.
And they're the perfect sponsor because, okay, so we've got Monetary Metals, the company where you can own gold and get paid interest on it.
But if you want to own actual physical gold or have it in a vault, Go to the Pure Gold Company via my link at the bottom.
I think that's the housekeeping stuff.
Now, who is this person, this guest, who I'm what excited about?
It's Dick!
It's Dick.
Has it come around again so quickly?
Has it been the usual sort of ten podcasts and then me?
Or am I... I think it has.
I think it probably has.
Why are you... Sales... You're quieter!
Through my headphones.
I'm on sort of Apple things because I didn't like the great big cone things over my ears.
Is it working okay?
Well you're just sounding quite quiet in my ears but you might be sounding loud in... Are you using the actual horrible Apple mic?
Yeah.
Inbuilt?
Yeah.
What's yours on?
You're on some sort of super duper... I've got some super duper thing.
I've done this before, so it should be alright.
I'll just speak a tiny bit louder.
OK, fine.
But I'm back.
I'm here.
Well, as usual... As usual...
We're catching up.
We don't see each other because we don't really like each other anymore.
We don't see each other nearly as often as people seem to think we do.
People keep saying, tell your brother.
And I go, yeah, yeah, right.
And then it's like, I don't think you realise how often we see each other or even speak to each other.
Weeks will pass without us even having a phone call.
So when we do this, it is genuinely catching up.
It's not right.
We're brothers and we should see each other more.
Yeah, I know, but you're busy, I'm busy.
Time flies past.
What can you do?
But do a podcast occasionally and let the whole world share the joy of two brothers talking shit.
OK, well, I've got a story to tell you, Dick.
I'm probably going to tell it on the London Calling as well, so people may have heard it already by the time they hear this podcast, but it's worth repeating.
So, all about my Twitter.
Well this is going to be the first thing I was going to ask you, because I've been on to Bam the BBC, who's been doing some good delving for you, so big shout out to him, he's a lovely guy, I've met him IRL, and he's been trying to find out what's been up, so I can fill you in on that later if you like, but yeah, people are trying to make things work.
I'll tell you what my perspective is.
So, as you know, the wife is the last to know.
And sure enough, loads of people were aware that my account had been hacked before I had.
And what seems to have happened is that some hackers, doing promo, apparently this happens all the time, doing promo for some crypto, which I hope collapses completely as a result of this, ApeCoin or something.
They hacked into my account because I hadn't changed my passwords because I don't like changing passwords because it's so hard for me to remember them.
And obviously there'd been a data leak sometimes, there always is.
And they'd found their way into my Twitter using an old password which I was still using.
And then they changed the emails to one from my email to another one with Delingpole in it that they'd invented themselves.
So I was locked out of my account and from that point on I couldn't get back in.
They were just spamming all my followers, you know, like 100,000 followers with their crap.
And Twitter have been absolutely useless.
I mean, you know how difficult it is anyway, going through negotiating their complaint system.
I mean, if I were to misgender somebody, I'd get cancelled in an instant.
But when it comes to actually somebody taking my, is it intellectual property?
Anyway, taking the 100,000 fans that I've built up over the years, my audience, all my secret data and, you know, my conversations and stuff, everything.
Twitter just do not want to know.
So I've put in about three complaints so far to their help desk.
And whenever I try and check on the progress of this, you get a complaint number saying, we are sorry to hear that you're having trouble.
Here's your number.
And then I enquire how this is progressing and they say, your case has been closed.
So that's three times in a row.
So they just do not want to know.
No.
I almost wonder whether it's deliberate, whether actually this is a way of getting rid of people like me through the back door.
Because we know that Elon is not really as Mr Freedom of Speech, Mr kind of Trump Easter, Mr... Well he's just gone and appointed a WEF aligned CEO, hasn't he?
And now it's a case of...
They're going to instantly throw off anyone who makes any sort of a threat of violence, whether it's implied or hinted at or in any way.
I mean, we know that you or I wouldn't threaten anyone with violence, but something we say might be interpreted as such.
And it's only a matter of time before both of us are thrown off, I think.
You'll be back onto your Telegram or what have you.
I'll be looking for another format altogether.
I don't know, Getter or something like that.
But I can't maintain more than one regular social media platform.
It's just, you know, there aren't enough hours in the day.
So, Twitter is my go-to.
People say oh well don't you think you should leave Twitter anyway blah blah blah, but that's not the point You know the people are saying this haven't got a hundred thousand You know even if I used it as a kind of promo device just to promo my latest podcasts and stuff.
It's a way of Reaching reaching people.
Also, I've didn't you find whatever I've tried getter and gab.
I know gab is really sound I know the guys Andrew Torb is a Christian and all that but it it's there's not enough grit in the oyster from annoying people to to to sort of provoke one into saying into saying provocative things, you know quite kind of
It's kind of like, you know, we want to be on Earth where it is the realm of Satan and we're battling demons and we don't want to be floating around on a cloud in heaven just yet because the battle is down on Earth.
One day, maybe, but right now I want the cut and thrust and the general bants that you get out of all the wrong-uns that are on Twitter.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, and then I didn't tell you that.
So, just talking God for a moment.
Right.
Have you noticed, I mean I'm sure that there are lots of sort of proper you know fully fledged Christians who can correct me on this or have got their own views, but a thing I've noticed is that God quite likes it when you just make odd little random sacrifices for him.
You do things just to please him.
You sort of deny yourself things.
I'll give you an example.
Yesterday, I was really looking forward to my morning fag with my coffee.
And I thought, you know, you really want this fag and you're going to enjoy it.
Why don't you deny yourself this fag as a gift to God?
And so I did.
And then I thought, well, God's going to give me a nice treat now to show you he likes Michael Sacks.
Because that's how it works!
And then I thought, that is completely wrong.
You do not ever, ever make bargains with God.
He does things out of his goodness.
He loves you anyway.
And if you are going to make a little sacrifice, you shouldn't do it in the spirit of, all right God, what are you going to give me now then?
That's appalling.
And of course, because he sees all your thoughts, he knows this anyway.
So he knows that, so I thought, Oh no, I'm going to have to make another sacrifice to show that I'm not just trying to get gifts out of him!
Get free stuff!
I then denied myself looking at my iPhone all day and I announced this to the wife and she was obviously very happy about this because she hates me on the iPhone all day.
And so in order to distract myself from not being on the iPhone I did all these boring things like dealing with my password changes on my computer.
And then, but then unfortunately, I thought, well, I need my Twitter back.
How am I going to get my Twitter back?
It doesn't count as being on the phone.
I just need to go about getting my Twitter back.
And one of my team of helpers had sent me this thing that people had posted on Twitter in my absence saying, here's a way you can get your Twitter back.
There's a Russian hacker and you just go to this guy and he specialises in getting... I know, you know where this is going.
You know, you know.
You know where this is going.
So I thought what?
It's got to be worth a shot.
Twitter aren't helping me.
Maybe this guy can help me.
So, long story short, I contact this alleged Russian hacker.
I think, yeah, he's a Russian.
He's going to know his shit.
I mean, if you want a hacker, make it a Russian hacker.
And he had Russian Cyrillic scripts, I thought, whatever it said.
It probably said, I am a con artist.
Anyway, if you fall for this, you are a complete dick.
I saw you coming in Russian.
You saw me coming.
So I contact this guy and he says, yeah, I can help you.
I just need $75 to get this thing to help you.
get this thing to help you.
And I'm thinking well, $75 is only 60 quid.
I mean, I I'm prepared to lose 60 quid just for the sake of an anecdote if this doesn't work.
So I said, yeah, OK, how do you want me to pay you?
So I arranged to pay him by PayPal, which I'm still using.
I know I shouldn't be, but I can't be arsed.
I'm not perfect.
And so I sent him this money to this account.
He sends me this message back saying, I don't want to use this because the money's gone through but it's on hold, so I'm going to send it back to you.
And I say, right, fine, well I'll wait for the money to come back to me and then I'll send you some more wherever you want.
So the money comes back.
So I send him to a different account the next time and he says, no this is no good either, I'm going to send it back to you and try a different one.
And I say, fine, I will send you the money when I've had the money returned to my account.
And he said, in his garbled English, I have tried to send you money.
I have sent you money.
And then he sends me an image of how he's sent me the money.
And I said, sure.
But until it comes into my account, I'm not going to send you any more.
And he says, OK, he says, yes, I don't want to rush things.
I will give you five minutes.
You wait five minutes.
And then he says, has the money come back?
And I said, no, it still hasn't come back.
And he said, well, you know, I sent you the money before.
And I said, yeah, but I'm not going to... I said, people are going to think I'm an idiot if I send you more money when I haven't had the original money back.
And then he starts flipping and said, but the place will close if I need to make this purchase.
And I said, well fine, I'll wait till Monday.
And he starts flipping.
And I'm thinking, hang on a second, this person I suspect isn't altogether sincere.
So then he starts flying off the handle and starts making threats saying, you know, I have got your IP address, remember I am a hacker!
And for a moment I start shitting myself thinking, oh my god, I've offended a hacker and now my life is... A Russian hacker no less!
If you were a hacker if you were really good it's basically just a scam I've fallen for it wasn't a kind of nothing more than that it's just a kind of anyway I thought it was 60 quid's worth of story I know some people will say James is such an idiot, such an idiot.
It was a bit like when I got ripped off by the, when I went to the garage that sold me the crap car and I trusted them because they had Muslim music playing in the background and I thought well they're people of God, albeit Allah.
And people say, how can you trust, they're the worst people, you're just a bloody idiot.
But look, I'm not You know, there were some people who were really good at this sort of thing, and they're normally lawyers, and they spend their whole lives counting their fingers.
You know, they're terrible to play bridge with.
I used to play bridge with some lawyers.
And just, they were so sort of graceless.
There was no kind of give and take.
It was just like everything had to be, you know, they weren't going to give you any leeway.
They were just going to be legalistic about everything, because that's what lawyers are like.
And some of us are complete idiots.
We can't help it.
And I'm really good at other things, but I'm just not good at not being ripped off by a Russian hacker.
There it is.
Right, I think the big thing people will say is you've found the scam in all the things where nobody sees a scam, as in government, climate change, Covid and everything, and yet a really obvious scam you just fell straight into.
Do you know what?
It's true.
Do you know, the thing is, what they do, it's, there's that old phrase, if something is too good to be true, it is.
And so it certainly applies to things like financial advice, you know, somebody finds this amazing timeshare or this amazing crypto, well actually, you know, sometimes it can come good on crypto, but often it doesn't.
that they play on your desires.
And my desire was obviously, I want my Twitter account back and I'll do anything.
And suddenly a solution presents itself.
And all you think of is the end goal.
Your common sense goes out of the window. - I had exactly the same thing when my Instagram account got hacked.
And before you know it, they've changed your password, changed your email, sent themselves emails, changed the name of the account.
They do this in a matter of moments.
All of these things are put in place to protect your account, but the moment they've got in, and if they do this before you've reported it, everything's gone.
And I never got my original Instagram account back, but I know the desperation you're feeling at that time, because Instagram themselves are completely uncontactable.
All of these people are deliberately uncontactable.
You can't speak to a person.
It takes forever to get beyond just bots.
Unless, of course, someone's been offended.
And then there's practically a button to say, I am offended, I'd like to report this.
But you try to report, well, you have done, try to report this account has been hacked.
There isn't a button for that.
You have to make out like something else has happened to get their attention.
So yeah, I feel your pain, and I know why you were desperate enough to go to one of those things.
But when I was trying to report your account as being hacked, There's bots looking for the word hacked and they immediately bombard you with, have you been hacked?
I'm sorry to hear this.
I've heard great things of such and such.
Now I received at least a dozen of those within an hour of reporting your account as being hacked.
And each one of them had about two or three followers.
And an unlikely picture of an attractive girl.
So I was just laughing at them.
Well, if I'd seen the attractive girls, I think I would have had my faith reinforced that these were kosher sites.
Did it sound like an attractive girl you were talking to?
No, it sounded like somebody whose English was his fourth language.
Do you know what, Dick?
I don't even believe he was Russian.
I think he was lying about... I think he might even have been Nigerian.
Is there anything you want people to do?
Do you want people to carry on reporting your hacked account because people are offering to help?
Do you want them to pile in on a campaign to get James reinstated and all of this sort of stuff?
Yeah, what do you think my chances are of getting my account back?
You need a groundswell and a constant presence.
You need people talking about it because you'll be missed.
If you decide to let this drop, you will be missed on Twitter.
I'll have to end up fighting your side for you and that will be a lonely foxhole.
It will be.
But then we're used to that.
Yeah, I suppose.
But, you know, we're good on Twitter together.
We can bounce stuff off each other and shit.
it.
Anyway, let's talk about happier things.
Right.
Is there anything happy we can talk about?
I've just come across, you know, I finished reading the New Testament in the King James Version, and I'm still reading Old Testament in the King James Version, and for New Testament I'm reading this that our father, who art in Molven, gave me.
You familiar with this one?
No, it's the C.S.
Lewis Bible.
It's got his annotations and things like that throughout it.
It's a good one.
But, in Old Testament, I'm on Judges.
Do you remember the standout parts of Judges?
Do you remember what happens to Sisera when he goes into the tent of Jail, the wife of Heber the Kenite?
Something bad happens.
He's fleeing the battlefield.
He's just been taking on the Israelites and it doesn't end well.
And he's running away and he comes across this tent where this woman beckons him in and says, don't worry, I'm friendly.
Come in here and rest and hide.
And he comes in.
She killed him.
I know.
Does she put a thing through his head?
A tent peg through his head.
Yes.
He asks for water, and she opens a bottle of milk, it says.
So, you know, he asks for water, he gets milk, and then he lies down to have a kip, because he's shagged out, and she hammers a metal tent peg through his head.
I bet it's raw milk as well, so it would have been really good for him had he survived.
It would have been good for him, yeah, but it didn't do him much good ultimately, did it?
Do you know what?
The dog's just farted.
Oh, that's great.
Well done.
I'm inhaling dog fart as we speak.
It's disappointing how quickly one forgets key sections in the... I mean, I tell you what, Dick, wait till you get to Elijah and I'm currently on Ezekiel.
Right.
Ezekiel is just crazy stuff.
Well, I've enjoyed hugely.
I was really looking forward to Revelation, and it didn't disappoint.
So, you know, I'll get back round to that the next time I'm reading New Testament.
But there obviously are boring bits that you have to plough your way through, like a lot of stuff in Numbers.
But, you know, even Numbers, you get... I think that's where you get... You get little bits.
Talking donkeys and things like that so that and Giants and there's good bits in all of them But but it's like everything you've got a you've got a plow through the the not-so-great bits to get the the standout bits But very rewarding you know it's it's it's fun.
It's informative.
It's great for your soul and your faith and I'm Yeah, it's one of my pleasures in life.
It's definitely not boring.
I never find it a chore.
In fact, I always look forward to my evening Bible readings.
But sometimes it's better than others, yeah?
Yes, it is.
Sometimes you get, especially if you're reading the KJV, you get chapters that you just don't understand at all what's going on there.
And I sometimes think, shall I reach across to get my NIV version that James Fox rather sweetly gave me?
And he thinks I don't like it or I'm down on it.
It's not that.
I'll probably read that one when I read my next version.
But what I'm saying is that if you're reading it in bed, do I really want to reach into my bedside cupboard?
It feels too much like you're doing research rather than just reading, doesn't it?
Yeah.
So you just sort of plough on.
Anyway, Ezekiel is...
I don't know about Prince of Persia except as a video game.
The prophets do have these Well they have these crazy visions The one I'm looking forward to Is Daniel Where we get to meet The Prince of Persia And all that stuff Which explains a lot I think You know about that I don't know about Prince of Persia Except as a video game Yeah well exactly That's how they sort of colonise This is how
The entertainment industry Sort of takes things from the Bible And sort of corrupts it As part of its satanic mission To corrupt the world To corrupt the world Talking of which, have you seen the Sparkle Creed?
Have you seen the Sparkle Creed?
No.
No.
You know the Apostles' Creed?
Yes.
Well, there's some blue haired lesbian trans vicar somewhere who's come up with a much nicer, more up to date version of the Apostles' Creed.
Brilliant, because that's what God wanted, I'm sure.
If only somebody would update this old-fashioned shit.
Because it's so out of date.
It's barely relevant at all anymore.
You know, stating what your beliefs are.
So obviously it needed to be more inclusive and someone has come up, this particular priest has come up with a sparkle creed.
But look it up.
I haven't got the URL or anything but she's reciting it and she's got a whole congregation reciting along with it and it is just...
You couldn't make it up.
If it had been a Python or Not in the Nine O'Clock News sketch, you'd just laugh at it, but it's for real.
This is what we're up against, a completely captured church.
Honestly, it's dead in the water.
There's going to be a massive schism, and whoever starts up, be it Gafcon or whatever, one of Calvin Robinson's things, if anyone starts up a church that's legit and traditional and gospel-based, it's going to do so well.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, I guess.
Although, so what do you think about it?
You've been, have you heard about this, the guy who runs an evangelical church, who claims never to have had sex with anything, not a, not a, not a human or a vegetable or anything.
And, I think he's... Why would he state it like that?
Well, this is part of his spiel when he goes on the road.
I can't remember.
Soul Survivor, is it?
That's his mission.
And I think it's massively big on the Evangelical circuit.
And they used to have a festival, which I think the last one was a few years ago.
But anyway.
There have been rumours going around for some time that he's not quite as chaste as he claims to have been.
Or rather, he likes giving 20-minute massages with oil, which culminate in a sort of fight, a sort of joke fight.
And he likes to, particularly with handsome young men, And one of the young men that he did this to is one of the world's most successful gospel singers, who now lives in California and is huge, but is English.
And this guy, the singer has come out and said, no, he did it to me as well.
And there's this big, but I think this is why I'm thinking, well, what is it about Christian movements, which tend to end up in this way?
I suppose it's when money becomes involved, and they start becoming the thing they hate.
I mean, I've been thinking a fair bit about this whole money being the root of all evil thing, and sometimes I'm glad I haven't got lots of it, because... It's love of money, Dick, it's not money.
Yeah, I suppose, but... Well, no, no, technically, biblically, it is love of money.
It's not some stuff I made up.
Okay, so you can have lots of it and you can still get to heaven, but having lots of it is going to be problematic in its own right, isn't it?
Yes.
If you've started making money through your ministry, the temptations are going to be there, aren't they?
Yes.
And a lot of them fall to corruption because of it.
It comes down to that passage from Matthew, lay not up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt.
Thieves break through and steal.
Because it stops you thinking about the spiritual life.
It stops you thinking about heaven.
That's the deal.
So if you keep obsessing about how your Bitcoin, how your crypto holding is doing, you're not thinking of the higher things, are you?
No.
So anyway, there's that.
- Yes. - Well. - Do you know what, I've been distracted.
I'm going to get grief from the bit earlier on where I had God using the word S-H-I-T.
And I bet you there's going to be one or two listeners that are going to go, this is blasphemous, blah, blah, blah.
And...
What can you do there, babe?
I was reading...
I've been lent this book, and it's going to be a pointless thing, me even starting this book, because I can't remember the author.
But it's a series of novels, and the heroine is a young female C-O-V priest, priest.
She's a single mum, well she's a widow, her husband died, and she is based in Hereford, And she inadvertently finds herself nominated as the parish's new exorcist, yeah?
And she goes to Brecon for her exorcism training.
And she doesn't like it, and it's no job for a woman, and it's all a bit nasty.
It's kind of about to fall prey to a trendy new bishop in Hereford.
It's really good.
It's got all the characters.
It seems to be very pro-church.
But one of the things she says is she allows herself to say Jesus Christ when something appalling has happened.
You know, in the same way that a lot of the time you'd find yourself not wanting to say it.
Because her justification is it keeps the name out there and alive.
So I think it's a perfectly good justification for for what seems like blaspheming, but kind of isn't because you're invoking the name.
So in the same way, I think, you know, we're...
We're generally speaking good people, and everything we say comes from a good place and is meant well.
Yes, we make mistakes.
We make mistakes.
Exactly.
I hope people won't judge me too harshly for that moment.
And I hope God doesn't get too cross with me.
I think he'll forgive me.
After all, there is a scene in Ezekiel Where God tells Ezekiel, I want you to eat this diet and I want you to mix up this mix of seeds and stuff with human poo and eat it.
And this is true, this is actually in the Bible.
And as a symbol, by doing so, by eating this before the Israelites, you are going to be demonstrating to them just how much they have defiled my name.
And Ezekiel says, I don't want to eat human poo.
I don't like poo.
And it's disgusting, or something like that.
And God says, oh alright then, you can eat cow poo instead.
I know, I couldn't believe it.
It reminds me a bit of the scene where another God shows his displeasure to the Philistines or the Canaanites or something by giving them terrible piles.
All right.
Or emeralds, as they're described in the Bible.
All right.
Good word.
Emerods, i.e. Hemeralds.
That's good.
Talking of diet, and this has neatly segued us on, and I know you're in and out of your keto things and you're talking a lot about gut health and all of this sort of stuff.
Yes.
And you had that story you told me the other day on one of our rare phone calls.
Talking about pooing out that black rubbery material.
Oh, the dick!
This is my new mission.
It's called the mucoid plaque.
Shall I explain to the... Well now we're on to it and you're so passionate about it, you can delay my little story which has got nothing on your mucoid plaque.
So hit us with your mucoid plaque.
I've been reading this very good book by Sharkling, which he very kindly sent me.
It's brilliant.
It's called The Mercury Diaries.
And for anyone else who's been plagued with health problems like me, he goes through all the things and tries everything out.
And it's quite a good book to read before you make mistakes.
I mean, for example, it's called The Mercury Diaries because it's about the damage done by amalgam fillings.
And one of the things he says was, I don't regret anything in my life apart from one thing, and that is getting my mercury fillings out without getting them done by a holistic dentist with all the equipment.
Right.
Blimey.
Which is good advice.
Advice which I went against and felt pretty rotten afterwards.
Anyway.
There's a bit where he says, look, you can try all these things, all these amazing different
Potions and stuff to sort out your your problems, but the first thing you have to address is gut health You know we've all got a vague idea about what gut health is yeah, it means you know like taking kefir and stuff like that but he describes his adventures with something called a mucoid plaque and a mucoid plaque
It's like the inner tube of a bicycle tyre lining your intestine.
We're meant to have mucus lining our intestine and it's good and it helps us absorb nutrients and stuff, but the mucoid plaque gets in the way.
It's this accumulated crap which builds up and it's full of these toxins and stuff and it stops your body absorbing all the nutrients that it wants to absorb and it can't because the mucoid plaque's there.
So clearly, you want to get rid of it, right?
And because conventional medicine denies mucoid plaques exist, but if you google mucoid plaque, you will find loads and loads of grisly photographs of people's mucoid plaques that they got rid of.
So I instantly thought, this is my new obsession.
I want to get rid of my mucoid plaque.
I want to see this stuff come out and restore my... because apparently you feel great afterwards.
So, I started, you know, glancing around, you know, in my stupid way, wondering how, you know, am I going to go on a three-day fast?
Am I going to take the seven-day juice fast, where you drink, you do nothing but drink fruit juice?
And I'm thinking, actually, what would that do to your teeth?
And what would that do to your, well, it would completely ruin your keto diet, for one thing, because it'd be the exact opposite of what you're supposed to be doing on keto.
You know, you're having loads of sugar and stuff, and loads of, Maybe it would work.
And then I discovered a shortcut.
There is this company somewhere abroad.
I don't know where.
It could be a scam.
It could be run by the same guy!
Hello, it's me again!
But fingers crossed, a few of my sharklings say they've tried it and it does actually work.
And it's quite expensive, I won't tell you how much it is.
Until it works, I don't want to give away that information.
You can use the money that your Russian hacker sent back to you.
So, apparently, you take this stuff, I don't know what it is, but it's all natural, so they say.
And you spend like 24 hours.
24 hours, maybe 48 hours.
You probably get the initial earthquake and then you get the aftershock.
So the 24 hours are just pure poo hell.
When do I sign?
I'm in!
That's fantastic!
I'm going to make sure I take it on the day after I've been riding rather than on my riding day.
Can you imagine?
Or probably not just before your Clive DeKalb session, or anything close to when you're going to have your audience with you.
But I'm figuring, what is the point of it?
Okay, so Clive has sent me this new stuff, which he speaks very highly of, the new thing, called Methylene Blue.
Right.
But I'm not going to take the Methylene Blue until I've got rid of the mucoid plaque.
Because it'd be a waste, wouldn't it?
Well, yeah, you want to know which medicine is doing what, but... I think you should livestream your poo hell as it happens.
That'd be fascinating.
Do you think there'd be many takers?
I think it could be a high-tier Patreon thing only, maybe.
Special treat for you.
If I could have us come to an arrangement with the with the Mucoid Plaque Company.
Yeah.
And you know a sort of... I can just see John Peel announcing that he's got the latest latest 7-inch from Mucoid Plaque and we'll be playing that later.
Apparently it's more than 7 inches, Dick.
It's at least a 12-inch Mucoid Plaque.
I've got the latest 12-inch from Mucoid Plaque.
Yeah, it's the extended club remix, isn't it?
Actually, what we could do is have a kind of a poo-a-thon, where people do it on a particular day and everyone sort of compares notes.
It's almost like taking the Kool-Aid together, isn't it?
Yeah.
Lemmy, no.
I know he's near your... Tell me... Tell me, Dick, about your not quite as interesting story.
I've got a horrible dog here.
Look at him.
Yeah, but he's not farting, is he?
No, but he's telling me that it's lunchtime.
Lemmy!
Lemmy, are you going to say hello to Uncle James?
No, he's not interested.
Oh, well.
It's a star appearance.
I'll tell you what.
Talking briefly of lunch... Yeah?
So, I had my...
Keto breakfast of bacon, egg, and then... Sorry.
I bought a jamon.
Oh, you've done that buying the whole thing, have you?
The problem about jamons... Is it on a nice wooden stand?
It takes much longer to carve them than it does to eat them.
Right.
So I spent hours carving these little shavings off and I did a plate for enough for two days.
And then I had my eggs and I realised that without bread, I kind of needed more meat to go with them.
So I had all the two days worth of jamón.
And now I'm thinking, what can I have for lunch?
And do you know what the options are?
Well, cheese and salad, cheese and salad basically.
That's no bad thing.
That is the problem when you've eliminated the bread.
You do miss it terribly.
So my story about diet was this new chap who's turned up at just the regular Wednesday drinks in Worcester.
He saw me in Wayland's Yard, which is a bit of a hipster cafe in Worcester that I favour that does a very good breakfast.
And he recognised me and he said, oh, I'd love to come along to one of your drinks one time.
So he came along.
Actually, Dick, Dick.
Yeah?
Dick, can I hold you there?
Yeah.
I need to piss.
Can I just... Are we pausing?
Promise you.
Are you pausing?
- I'm pausing it. - Hold the story.
Right, so Lemmy, this is just you and me.
This is the Dick and Lemmy Show.
Yeah?
So what do you want?
Do you want your lunch?
Or do you want your ears scratching?
Because I can't give you a lunch just now.
Go and bother Oliver.
Go and tell him.
No?
What's a walker doing?
Is she back at the house?
I hope he does pause this because it will be very very boring for the viewers.
Oh!
Oh!
Sorry about that.
Oh, the dog's farted again.
Oh, blimey!
Where is your dog?
It's underneath my feet.
Oh, OK.
We've both got dogs at our feet.
How sweet.
Oh, yeah.
So, um, sorry, sorry about that.
I wanted to give you a full attention.
I didn't want to be wriggling like I do.
Right.
So he turns up and he's, um, uh, He just dropped into the conversation and he was quite relaxed and wanted to get his story about what sent him down the rabbit hole, what woke him up.
Because anyone who joins, you want to know what it was particularly that was their thing.
And his was essentially diet.
Because he was a professional rugby player.
As it turns out, he said he'd considered two careers.
One, he wanted to be in the Marines, or an accountant.
I said, oh, well, that's a bit different.
Which one did you go for?
He said, neither.
I ended up as a professional rugby player.
And he beat type 1 diabetes with, essentially, keto.
He'd been quite impressed with this keto guy who'd got Navy SEALs in America to improve their health with keto.
And he had great results.
And so through his own research and his own trial and error, he managed to get his injections of insulin, the need for insulin, way down through diet.
And a lot of fasting as well.
Now, he regularly does one-day fasts.
And I think once a year, he does a three-day fast.
And he says, by the end of your third day, you're not even interested in food.
You've completely retrained your gut.
And he was talking about the really strong link between brain and gut and how your gut is constantly telling your brain that you need things that you don't necessarily need.
You know, the bad things that you're hooked on, like crisps and what have you, and chocolate, and all the things that, by resetting your body, by doing a fast, you are kind of taking control.
You're taking back the reins.
And so, with a combination of essentially keto and fasting, his health just went through the roof.
You know, his performance in rugby, and he was being told, Whenever he was advocating this diet for type 1 diabetes, he said, no, this is totally wrong, this is against conventional teaching.
What you are advocating is dangerous.
And so he came up against the blob in that way.
And that was his wake-up call to everything else that we're being lied to about.
Stuff that was self-evidently working and right, that you are told is wrong.
Yeah, so he woke up to everything else shortly after, which was the first time I've heard diet as being the thing, you know, the red pilling event.
But everyone is on to diet at the moment.
Everyone's looking at the benefits of things like keto, cutting out seed oils, Hunter and Gather.
I asked him about Hunter and Gather.
He said he'd been on to their products for ages and absolutely loves them.
So that's another little plug for our friends over at Hunter and Gather.
That one's on us!
He got me thinking, and so he said, don't jump into fasting straight away, do things like skipping breakfast, and therefore extending your intermittent fasting level.
If you haven't eaten since 7 o'clock the night before, and you skip breakfast and have a late lunch, you've got a sort of 18 hour gap of not having eaten, which is a pretty good start.
But... But?
Go on, you're going to tell me why this is bollocks now.
Well, it's like this...
I've heard much about the importance of intermittent fasting and about insulin levels and blah blah blah and so I spent a fortnight intermittent fasting and didn't miss my breakfast one bit and because one of the things about doing keto is you don't really have much of an appetite you just pretty much lose it you know because you're no longer a slave to your need for sugars because you
This is what he was talking about, retraining the brain-gut relationship.
So then somebody contacts me, who is a personal health trainer who's very interested in this kind of thing and is very big on diet.
And he said to me, look, it's not as simple as one size fits all, you know, the diet that is right for everyone.
He said, some people naturally put on weight.
He said, I suspect you're one of those people who naturally doesn't put on weight and actually quite often naturally loses weight.
You know, I'm one of those people that after Christmas, I'm lighter than I was before Christmas.
And he said, I suspect you're one of those.
And I said, yeah, well, I probably am.
He said, well, you really shouldn't be doing things where you're reducing your calorie intake that dramatically.
He said it's fine for you to do maybe a 24 hour fast once a fortnight to get the benefits from it, but actually if I were you, I would not be doing intermittent fasting because it's possibly counterproductive.
So I've, on his advice, and he could be wrong but I'm not suffering so far, I've gone back to eating breakfast, which has the bonus of making a wife happy, because she eats breakfast and I think it doesn't make her happy to have this void where her husband used to be, sitting next to her eating breakfast.
What I've also noticed since going on the Keto is when I try and cheat, because I don't want to be on there forever and I want to see what works and what doesn't, so I had some full fat yoghurt the other day, which I thought would be not too un-keto, but I don't think yoghurt is ideal.
And I had a really weird reaction to it.
I felt like, in the next two hours, I felt really quite rotten and bilious.
And I thought, jog it!
Greek yoghurt?
What's wrong with Greek yoghurt?
So I asked this guy and he said, yeah, probably you were never, you were never really tolerant.
Sorry, yoghurt has probably got stuff in it that your body doesn't like, but what you did was you built up a tolerance for it so that when you had it every day for breakfast with fruit it probably had no effect, but that wasn't a sign that it's not That it's good for you, it's a sign simply that your body has developed a tolerance for it.
I think this is what you find when you do these kind of, these extreme diets like Keto.
You discover that the things you've been eating actually, you have an intolerance for them.
Well in an ideal world each of us would spend a fortune on an expensive test and be told exactly, you know, a gut test to see what it is you're lacking, what would be the ideal thing for you.
And that would be run by a big farmer.
Well, there's a lot of these tests around that can be done and you can answer all your dietary need problems with them, but who's got the money or the time or the inclination?
And as you say, it's really antisocial to be on special diets when those around you simply aren't going to be going along on the same journey.
Yeah, and also, I was thinking about this.
So imagine Imagine going to, on holiday for a week, to Greece.
And because you're on a stupid diet, you can't eat squared in batter.
I was about to say calamari.
That was the first thing I was going to say.
You might as well go home.
You can't have misaka.
Or misaka.
I was hoping it was probably more correctly pronounced.
You can't have It's not pronounced gyros, but you know, whatever you pronounce it.
You can't have any of those delicious sort of pita wrap things.
You can't have...
Hummus you can't like yeah, so what kind of life is that you sit there smugly eating chunks of Lamb saying huh, but I'm superior because I'm on my special carnivore diet or you know, I feel so much better Well, maybe you do feel better, but it's like it's like the people you don't smoke.
I'm thinking well I'm not sure I want to be that healthy I feel the same about those who are currently giving up alcohol, and it's kind of like, yeah, sure it's better for you, but you're going to be a real bore to hang around with, especially down the pub.
And I do all my best talking down the pub, so that's not going to happen any time soon.
Before we finish, tell me about Brian Gerrish.
The question you failed to ask him!
The problem is, this joke is the nichest of niche jokes, isn't it?
So, we ought to explain to people what happened, so that they understand the Brian Gerrish.
Put your hat on, Brian Gerrish.
Put a hat on, Brian Gerrish.
Put the hat on.
A hat, not the hat.
Any hat will do.
Yeah.
So, at the Hope Festival last year, which was utterly brilliant, it was just really fun, and I do recommend people book tickets for it.
It's just fantastic, like, being in a field with the loveliest people, run by the loveliest people, it's just really good.
It's in East Sussex.
And we were there, and doing a Deling pod, Dick and James Live, eventually got it together.
And among those there, along with Danny Rampling, was Brian Gerrish of UK Column fame.
And we'd never met Brian before, had we?
We hadn't, no.
It was a joy to see him there.
It was very exciting.
It was very exciting to meet him.
And I dimly remembered that before he became a kind of freedom fighter and exposing everything on the UK column, he'd been in the Navy.
I thought he'd been in the submarine service.
Although I discovered recently on the podcast when I told him this, he said, no, I wasn't in the submarine.
I was in the anti-submarine service.
Well, or something like that.
Which I said, what's he got against submarines?
He just hates them, Dick.
He absolutely hates them.
I think he was traumatised by some incident.
Probably in the bath as a child.
With one of those ones you can put Alka-Seltzer in them and they die.
His generation would have had them.
And probably it didn't work.
No.
And it's quite traumatic.
He never ever forgave submarines for it, so thereof he's in charge of kind of anti-submarine warfare, depth charges and things like that.
Anyway, we're getting distracted.
Can you remember, so we were talking to him, and how did the song... It's down to the very naughty Charlotte, Baroness of Bolton.
Burnley.
Well, I was wearing a silly hat at the time.
I was wearing the pith helmet, actually, that's sitting right there above my head.
And as you do, on a hot summer's day, an Englishman needs to keep the sun off his bald head.
And I think Charlotte got in her head that we had to put this hat on Brian Gerrish.
We were kind of off our faces, to some degree, for much of the weekend.
Oh, I thought we were.
So obviously this made a lot more sense back then.
But then the obsession with getting Brian to wear my hat had a theme tune written for it, by Charlotte, and it went something along the lines of... Put a hat on Brian Gerrish Put a hat on Brian Gerrish Put a hat on Brian Gerrish So, these things take on a life of their own, don't they?
Obviously, a lot funnier at the time.
No matter how hard we tried, we could never persuade him to put the hat on.
No.
He was very resistant, and that was when I developed the story that during his time in the submarine service, he had had some traumatic incident, a bit like the one in his bath with the Alka-Seltzer submarine.
Where somebody had tried to make him wear a hat.
Against his will.
Against his will.
And he'd done it then, but he was never going to do it again.
He was free of this obligation to wear hats.
A bit like... Can you imagine if I tried to explain that story to him on the podcast?
So, Brian, I'm glad I've got you.
But before I ask you about Common Purpose and UK Column, can I just tell you this funny story involving you?
You'd have lost him, definitely.
He wouldn't deserve it.
It wouldn't have been right.
Well, exactly.
He deserves our respect.
He does.
Do you know about the British guards officer who closed the gates at Hoogermont during the Battle of Waterloo?
The very huge man?
No, that was Sapeur Le Gros, who was the French Sapeur who smashed the doors open.
Was he really called Le Gros?
That's nominative determinism.
Yeah, yeah.
That was his surname?
Yeah, I believe so.
And he was a giant?
He was a giant, wielding a massive axe, so no wonder he got his way through.
But obviously the British are holding the fortified farm at Hougoumont, where I've been many times, and it's a fantastic place.
You've fought there?
The French managed to break in with Saper-le-Gros, They were eventually expelled from this yard after much bloody fighting.
But there was the British officer who managed to bar the gate again at Hoogermont, for which he was given a medal or a promotion or some such.
But for the rest of his life, legend has it that he never closed another door behind him.
Because he'd done all his door-closing during the Battle of Waterloo.
So I'm comparing that to Brian and his hat-wearing.
He's done all his hat-wearing.
No more for him.
Even though that was a tortured analogy, I'm glad, thank you for sharing that historical, one of the few bits of history that we can probably more or less trust.
I think we can trust what we want but it's probably complete bollocks but it's a lovely story.
Just think Dick, if we believed in normie history we could be having a podcast produced by Gary Lineker's production company and we could be making absolutely gazillions for our podcasting.
We could call it Dick and James's... True History.
True History.
Um... Project.
Or... Project.
What's that?
It's on shit already!
Yeah, but I tell you what, the appetite of normies for made-up history shit that they've been told about is just, like, endless.
Have you done Hadrian's Wall before?
What, is that not true?
Well, no, it's true, but there's a wall up there, because I've just come back from it a couple of weeks ago.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can visit one of the Russian... Russian?
One of the Roman forts up there.
And I went with my boy, and it's called Vindolanda.
And it was a massive Russian... Russian!
Stop with the Russian already!
A massive Roman fort that was there for hundreds of years, and there's many iterations of it, and they found out that each time they wanted to build a new fort and update it, they just demolished the old thing, levelled it, Grounded into small rocks and then built on top of that and used the old one as the foundation.
So it makes it quite interesting for archaeologists when they're trying to dig through the layers.
And so you get to visit this site and there's archaeologists working on it even as we speak.
And you go around it and there's a guide to show you all the underfloor heating and you can see the footprints.
It's about knee-high walls around the whole site and it's absolutely fascinating.
And they tell you things about like how Not all Romans came from Rome, I mean, duh, obviously, but the Romans who built Hadrian's Wall and guarded it, do you know where they were recruited from?
Um... Because they wouldn't have used locals, because you don't want to get the locals doing your dirty work, because they'll probably betray you.
And not all Romans can come from Rome, because you pretty soon run out of them, so they're taken from elsewhere in the Empire.
I'm gonna guess, just because, for...
Woke reasons.
They're going to claim that they came from Nubia.
No, think asterisk.
Gaul?
Yeah.
They were all from Gaul.
The Romans that they brought up for that area.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's an interesting little factoid.
And obviously as I'm hearing all this on the Guided Tour, part of me is going, I wonder how much of this is complete bollocks, but part of it's got to be true.
I mean, There's things like they've excavated various accommodation blocks and things like that.
They know how the soldiers lived.
They know they lived eight to a hut for infantry and three to a hut for cavalry, but they were with their horses.
They had to I wouldn't mind that!
with their horses.
It's going to be very cold up there in the winter, so you'd be quite grateful for the horse.
I'd be happy to sleep with the horse.
No, no, it would certainly be warmer than not sleeping with your horse.
But anyway, all of this stuff, endlessly fascinating.
You can be as cynical as you like about whether or not it happened, but endlessly fascinating stuff anyway.
So I do recommend a visit to Vindolanda.
I'm I haven't got any big punchline for this particular story, but it's just a case of knowing that most of what we know, what we're told, is bollocks.
You have to sort of just try and be a little bit discerning about it.
But knowing that the Roman Zeal from Gaul was an interesting little sideline.
I just, I wonder if you slept with your horse, if he sort of rolled over in the night.
I don't think you're going to end up being that close.
I guess it's going to be like the medieval arrangement where you're on a ledge, a sort of mezzanine type ledge above your horses and you're relying on their heat coming up from you.
But when you're spooning a horse, who's spooning against who?
I was thinking he was spooning, and I was thinking, actually, because I've been in Barnaby's stable when he's lying on the ground.
Yeah.
And when he gets up... Did you spoon him?
And it's really, well, it's like, horses are really crap at getting up.
You know, it's... Imagine if they leave you for the night for a pee.
Yeah.
You end up getting a hoof in the bollocks.
Not good.
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Don't spoon me horses.
Well, it looks like it's time for me to go and have my cheese and salad.
Oh, lucky you.
Don't, don't go, PJ.
I might peel the potatoes for our lovely roast potato and I'm probably going to go and buy myself a steak.
