Welcome to The Delling Pod with me, James Delling Pod.
And I know I always say I'm excited about this week's special guest, but I haven't got a guest.
A special guest, rather.
It's just a guest.
It's Dick.
Hello, everyone.
Sorry we kept you waiting.
James is notorious.
To say he's notoriously flaky is an absolute understatement but you've all got a chance to witness it at first hand.
He bought a new set of microphones and of course he left it till an hour before we drew on to work out how to use them and it involved downloading an app and there's no real reception here so he has to go off to the top of the hill, hold his phone up to download the app Come back, and anyway, very boring and long story, so let's cut it short.
No, no, but no, actually, that was going to be the first part of our chat.
I've just got to ruin it.
No, no, it's very interesting, because I thought, obviously, a professional person would have prepared for today and got all their, you know, because I ordered the microphone things off the internet, but A professional person would have gone through all the instructions.
And I looked at the instruction manual, and it had lots of pictures in it.
I thought, fuck that, I'm not going to deal with that.
I'll find somebody at the festival who'll do it.
And it was the same with all the other stuff.
Like, I wasn't sure how I was going to video it, or anything.
And then I met a man called Andy, who helped.
And a girl called Elizabeth helped.
It was just like... And you know that bit in Proverbs 3, which I learned?
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not into thine own understanding.
And actually, if you leave, if you let God take care of it, you don't have to worry about it.
And that's what happened.
All these sort of people... Thank God.
They were like angels, they were.
They really were.
Well, having said that, we'll probably find that you are the only people who ever get to hear this podcast, because... Is it going to work?
I don't think it will.
So, you know, you've got your money's worth already.
But what we've decided to do with this particular one, because we arrived here yesterday evening, about seven, and immediately greeted from some old friends back up Midlands Way, who are sitting here, And it just kept on getting better and better.
What?
The theme song that we... No, Charlotte... Do you know what to do?
We wrote a theme song for the Dick and James show.
It sounded a lot better last night than when we tried to recreate it this morning.
For some reason, being drunk and stoned, everything sounds a lot better.
How did it go?
Dick and James.
James and Dick.
Rescue Rangers.
Is that it, Charlotte?
But Charlotte's a singer.
She could have done it.
She doesn't want to do it.
She's being all coy then.
Unusually shy.
So, we're really excited to be here because we used to... And we've got my sister, Hell, here as well.
Sorry, our sister.
Our sister, Helen.
Say hello to Helen.
She's our merch girl today.
We used to go, oh yeah, merchandise.
Yeah, buy!
Buy!
There were sharkling t-shirts for...
James of sharklings and I've done the people are saying it's just a barcode but it says resist very very clever and designed by me so they're there they're the Fred support that bought them so that's got to be a ringing endorsement yeah exactly look thank you chaps um and so we have have you mentioned where we are people don't even know no obviously people here no actually some of these don't most other people here know where they are yeah but No, it's true.
I didn't know where we were last night.
But for those in the unlikely event that this actually works, the recording, we are at the Hope Freedom Festival.
Yeah.
And we've been to lots of festivals in our time.
We used to go to Glastonbury a lot.
I went to my first Glastonbury in 1990 and I was completely unaware of the symbolism of the giant pyramid stage with a eye on top of it or whatever they do now.
But I would say that this is like going to the green fields in Glastonbury, but without all the kind of slightly dodgy eco shit.
I mean, the great thing about being at this festival is that everyone looks like a freak in a good way.
But when you go up to them and have a chat, you don't need to kind of censor yourself or sort of suss them out to see whether they're going to You know, think you're a nutcase or whether they're going to be on site.
Everyone here is on site.
It's like... I'm a nutcase.
Everyone's a nutcase.
That's a given.
Yeah, everyone's a complete flake.
This is the festival that Glastonbury thinks it is.
Yeah, it is.
And they couldn't be more wrong.
In fact, I liked your analogy last night when you said, it's like being a closet gay.
I'm going to Bumfest.
And suddenly you can be yourself and really enjoy it in all manner of ways.
So this is like Bumfest for freaks.
What are we?
Awake people.
Awake people.
Are we not?
It's a continuing process.
You're never as awake as you might one day be.
That's true because there are so many rabbit holes that we haven't yet been down.
Last night I was talking to Wayne about this.
Wayne is one of those random characters that one meets and bonds with instantly as we've all been doing all day and all last night.
And I said, so wait, what about crop circles?
Because, you know, I'd gone through that stage that normies go through where they hear about... Not that I'm not a normie now, you understand.
I'm not.
That stage where you read about crop circles and you think, ooh, ooh, maybe they're aliens, maybe.
And then you see documentaries or newspaper articles explaining that they've met with some people who make these And suddenly it's all okay, you don't need to worry about crop circles and the fact that Led Zeppelin put them on their remastered box set shows that it's just a normal thing and not aliens.
But then Wayne explained to me he'd been to see a crop circle and that the weaving How would you weave all those... without breaking it?
Yeah.
I should have got you on to explain, Wayne, rather than... I recommend that you all take an opportunity to speak to Wayne and Charlotte at some point.
They're on this luxurious beanbag in the middle here.
But if anyone knows of any crop circles nearby, you know, within like five minutes' walk...
Yes!
I did think about this, actually.
I did think that if aliens were going to visit any particular festival this year... This'll be the one.
It's obvious, isn't it?
They're going to get a pretty welcome reception.
They're not going to be people going, oh, I don't believe in you.
They're going to say, can we come aboard and have our anal probes and all that.
But one of the other things we... Back to Funfest again, aren't we?
...we observed last night.
Lots of kids running around this place, and they're also...
Lovely, well-behaved, they're really comfortable talking to adults.
They were coming up asking us questions and directions and things like that.
And they were all playing nicely with each other, different age groups.
And I mentioned this to our new friend Matt, who sat out the front here, who's our tent neighbour.
And he's a farmer.
Oh, ex-farmer.
So if the tent burns down, we're going to be sorted.
He said, you know why that is?
Why these kids are so nice and balanced and well-behaved?
I said, what?
They haven't been jabbed?
He said, no, it's more than that.
They're all homeschooled.
And this is a loved homeschooling festival.
And it just really bears out how much of a brilliant thing homeschooling is.
So credit to all of you parents who are homeschooling, because you're doing an amazing thing.
You're making really decent human beings, and God's sake, we need a lot of them.
And so, yeah, I would certainly homeschool my kids if I had my time over again, but, you know, that ship has sailed.
Yeah, and can I stress that we're not saying this shit just to be nice to our hosts.
It's really, really obvious.
When you see these kids, they are not like normal kids.
Although, having said that, we were telling somebody else the story about how these kids are amazing.
They're so intelligent and so well-behaved.
He witnessed a fight between some of these kids where the language would have made Bernard Manning blush.
The marshals have to be called in to pull them apart!
But having said that, I think it's good that these kids can fight because they're going to need to fight against the insect overlords if we're going to come out of this one in one piece.
So I think it's all good.
But yeah, homeschooling is great and I really love this place.
I hope the idea spreads across the country because it's...
- I read a book by John Taylor Gatto, it's called Dumbing Us Down, and he was a teacher for 30 years, and he smashed the education system, and he was just taking notes. - But you can't hide, you can't, - Have you read that anymore? - What's the other, read a book by? - John Taylor Gatto. - John Taylor Gatto, right. - It's called Dumbing Us Down, once you read that, he smashes the whole education system. right. - It's called Dumbing Us Down, once you read that, he smashes the whole education system. - What we are gonna be doing, by the way, is dragging up some of the characters we met last night, So I will probably... This is your idea.
This was my idea, but I thought it'd be a good idea if the podcast actually reflected the festival we're in.
Yeah, I mean, I'm happy to go with what Dick does because I don't like organising stuff.
I would have just Happily sat here, chatting shit for however long I can last.
But I don't know, if you can make it work... We'll wait until we've run out of material and then start dragging randomers up here.
Yeah, OK.
So we've done Bumfest, the Bumfest one.
What else are we not covered?
We've had excellent food here.
Oh!
Yes, we had the best pasty!
I'm seriously worried that if this video thing Are we recording us, not the crowd?
Have you actually checked that?
OK, fine.
If it does go out, people are going to come and say, oh, I wasn't at that festival, I don't care.
I couldn't eat the food there, so why should I care what you had?
OK.
No, no, no.
No, no, it's not.
It's your show as well.
I'm just worried that that might be the effect.
Nevertheless, we did have the best pasty.
And you'd think it would be horrible because it had no meat in it at all.
At all.
And yet, it was made with cauliflowers.
It's like a sweet curry one.
They're the green pasties.
If you see them, it will definitely... If you have a top 10 of pasties that you've had in your life, this will be straight in at least the number 5 slot.
Maybe higher.
You shouldn't have said that.
Because if we want another one, they're all sold out.
Yeah, well, we should get a freebie at least.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I still think there's nothing wrong with it.
It couldn't have been improved by a huge chunk of bleeding, bleeding steak.
I've been, I've been meeting, I'm sorry to you vegans, but I've been meeting carnivores and they look bloody good.
They look well-henched, the men, and the girls look sexy and young and yeah, and like lionesses.
No, not like lionesses.
I bloody hate that, don't you?
What?
You're supposed to care about these women football players.
Do you see that?
No, you don't read the papers, I hope.
No, of course not!
That's the other thing I like about being here.
I don't think the mic has a sports age.
Nobody comes up to me and says, James, James, who do you fancy to win this dress or...?
Or whatever he's called, you know, Rishi.
Don't care!
Don't care!
And nobody's asking me, so they don't even have to find out I don't care.
Which is good.
There is no mainstream politics going on, and that's another one of the lovely assumptions, that when you're meeting people here, you're not going to be pussyfooting around the, you know, tentatively asking, what do you think about the Vax?
And similarly, you're not doing any sort of... Chemtrails.
Everyone.
Everyone.
We got chemtrails this morning.
Who doesn't believe in chemtrails?
We've got one.
No.
Yes.
No.
And that was a joke.
That was a joke.
The only person who put up their hand was joking.
She believes in chemtrails too.
Well done.
And we know that chemtrails exist because this morning at about sort of seven, the sun came up and burned us in our tents and woke us up.
And we thought, oh, it's going to be a lovely day.
And then we looked up and we saw the lines and that vapour.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
And it's contrails, isn't it?
It's just vapour trails.
And here's a photograph taken from World War Two showing some bombers.
And so that clue's there.
Is it?
Yeah.
OK, so we've sorted out that one.
Chemtrails.
So we've sorted out crop circles and sticks.
Yeah.
Chemtrails are just vapour.
Ah, that's a goodie.
I had a stone conversation last night with Daz and he decided to bring up flat earth and started talking about stars in the distance and how ships or some such, and it just went way over my head.
And I said, look, can we deal with sort of smaller conspiracies rather than going full Flat Earth?
Keep on safe ground like 9-11.
9-11's a cosy, a cosy night.
9-11's almost the Kennedy assassination.
It's all good, yeah.
Yeah, so what are the easy ones?
I mean, 9-11's easy because, what's the tell on that one?
Building 7.
And steel beams and all of that.
That's a given.
The moon landings, you've got the Van Allen flags.
You're right, you're right.
Yeah, yeah, OK.
We're definitely among friends here, as you know.
But, but, but, having said that, Daz was, in his stone state, was quite unable to explain to me what happens at the edges.
Or if his explanation was cogent, I wasn't.
I wasn't, certainly.
Something about how when you... I said, what about round-the-world ships?
Could anyone explain how that works?
They go round the world, but it's flat.
Okay, it's a four-dimensional... Okay, we're there.
But you know who we have there?
Because that is... Because I knew I was going to get his name.
Daz.
Yeah, yeah.
Daz is the proprietor.
He's a newspaper proprietor.
He's like Lord Rothermere.
Yeah, you will one day get... You're bound to get an O-Balls, Daz, I would have thought.
It's only a matter of time.
Yeah, but we're not in the right orifice, right?
Can we have Daz up?
Can I step aside?
because Daz is an absolute legend and you know the light newspaper is chosen.
*applauds* We'll have plenty more of that later.
That was your song that you sang.
But I recognised the tune.
Are you already going to get done for plagiarism?
It's about 150 years out of date, so we'll be OK.
I actually found something really interesting out a few months ago about that song.
It's based on She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain.
And in the mid-19th century in America, They were obviously trying to unionise and what have you.
And they used that song in two different keys to let people know whether it was safe to come or whether the government thugs and whatever were about.
They played it in G, which is quite a lot lower.
It means it's good to come.
They played it in D, which is quite a lot higher.
And obviously people were absolutely musically trained in those days.
And they knew not to come because they were going to get bashed, so it was always a people song.
I didn't know that when I wrote it, I just totally didn't.
And what's it done in?
420 hertz.
What's it called?
What's that do?
432.
Is that a thing?
Is that real?
Yeah.
Okay, everyone knows.
Some of these, you know, I haven't really gone down that rather hard and checked.
I'll tell you why I'm not convinced by that, because there were a whole lot of records and music that were recorded at 440 that do it.
You know what I mean?
What are you thinking those?
Anything.
Most of the recorded music was at 440, so if you've been a music fan at some point, it's music.
Yeah, but maybe it would have moved you more.
It's not as important as the banking system, you know, as money being completely fraudulent, you know what I mean?
No, do you know what?
I disagree on that.
People say to me, for example, why do you talk about whether or not Paul McCartney is dead?
And then you ask which Paul McCartney, which of the number of Paul McCartney is dead.
It's important because it shows their attention to detail.
They're not just going to fake the moon landings, the big things, like 9-11, but they're also going to take care of your favourite band.
And they tell you they're your favourite band.
I mean, I wonder if people knew The Beatles were the best band in the world until they were told that this is your favourite band.
And Lennon and McCartney are geniuses.
And all this stuff.
They do it to mock us, to...
Programmers.
It's a combination of things.
Demotivation and demoralisation.
Not entertainment like theirs.
Get people to do insane crazy things that don't make sense but they have to go along with them.
So the mask thing, most people knew it was bollocks, people that were wearing masks, but they knew they had to go along with it and it demoralised because The brave people went, I'm not wearing one.
And that's how they wanted to be.
And the more we give them the permission to do that, the more they'll, I mean, forget it.
They try and do a mass thing or a mass mandates and lockdowns again in this country.
They're going to have to have a really good excuse for it because most people are now aware.
Because they know people that have had the vaccine and they've been injured by it and all the rest of it.
They know they've been sold a crock of shit.
They're not yet allowed to say it, but we should give them the permission to do that by standing up and speaking out wherever and whenever you are.
How many times have you done that in the shopping queue and somebody goes, yeah, absolutely, you know what I mean?
Some random person.
They're absolutely on it.
Yeah, we've got to keep cash.
Yeah, we've got to do all this, that and the other.
So that's how we do it.
We're humans.
We live in a society.
Spread the truth.
Spread the good.
Don't get demoralised.
Don't get demoralised.
Yeah, and you've got to have no embarrassment, which I've been blessed with that.
I just don't give a gift.
- Me and your mouth. - I had some toothpaste on my mouth last night and Dick was really upset about it.
And I think, well, I can't see it, so I don't care.
That's pure eccentricism.
Yeah, yeah, no, it doesn't bother me.
You've got to tell us about your media empire.
Listen, I've been to Lord Rodimere's house.
You've got some really good shit coming your way when you get your proper empire rolled out, when you're online.
With the sidebar of shame, that does really well.
And all you've got to do is put out propaganda for the Deep State.
Play the game, basically, and I'll be a lord myself one day.
So, your paper is called The Light.
It is.
And, like, tell us about it.
OK, well, we started in September 2020.
It's by the people, for the people.
It will continue for as long as people want to distribute, want to use it as a tool.
It was started from organising coach trips and then doing flyers.
It was kind of the next step to do.
Now it exists, it's kind of obvious, but I was always like, why has nobody done this before?
It's such a, especially with online, I think because the online censorship is getting more, they're not stopped yet.
They're not stopped with the online censorship, with the controls.
They're doing stuff offline, real world, you know, face to face with people.
First of all, it's the only way you can really communicate.
How much better is it rather than, hey, let me, you know, check out this Blink, or, you know, go and read this, go and watch this Doctor's video, or there's a paper you can go and read, because they're all actually just talking to somebody in the street.
You know, they want us separated so the light exists to help us do that, through, you know, standing in the parks, all those kind of things.
It was a response to always doing activism online, yeah?
It's important, yeah, we do that, but know that you're in a network chain.
I was thinking about this, I was thinking about what about when the internet goes down, which they're planning.
Somebody mentioned this theory they've got, that we're being given shit internet at the moment in order to make it, well not us obviously, but The norm is to make them hungry for 5G, for better internet.
And you know it's going to work, because they fall for these tricks all the time.
So you're basically reviving the era of pamphleteering.
Exactly.
Which was a sort of golden era for... It made a difference.
It did the trick.
Now obviously we've got a whole load more media.
When there was pamphleteering in the 18th century, there was newspapers and there was pamphlets.
There was no telly, radio, online, etc, etc.
But it's not a competition either.
We do everything in, like I say, the online world is going to get more and more restricted.
At one point during the lockdown, when we were getting news from Australia and New Zealand and Canada, are those things still in your feeds?
Or are the geo-fences, the geo-restrictions, so you don't get to know what's going on?
Obviously, we do more because we're connecting and we do share information, but the norm is I have no idea what's going on really in in Holland with the farmers' protests.
No.
The worst thing for the rulers, possibly, is to have people know that there's a fucking huge resistance against what they're doing, and they're not alone, and there's many more of this than they're left of the world.
That's good.
Dick.
Yes.
You know how everyone thinks of Dick as the organised one?
Who forgot to give Daz his special square microphone that makes the thing record on the thing.
No, it's too late now.
It's too late now, because you're coming back, because we're going to do other special guests.
I'll do a full podcast with you.
Yeah, absolutely, yeah.
Because I'm really interested in how you plan to spend your money and shit like that.
Yeah, fair enough.
I can give you advice.
I won't waste it all.
No.
I'll obviously spend some of it on booze, drugs, rock and roll.
But the rest I'll throw away, obviously, on massive billboard campaigns.
Screens going around towns all the time, showing truth videos, that kind of thing.
Can I recommend having a stables with about ten hunters and some stable girls called Araminta?
This is my plan.
But you don't have a media empire anymore.
Yeah, but you're giving me ideas now.
Barriers to entry, I don't think there are many, are there?
Listen, if a busker from Manchester can do it, and that's the other thing about the light paper as well, we achieve something together.
It's not one guy, there wasn't £10,000 to start it with.
We all did it together and continue to do it together as well.
So that should give inspiration for every one of us that has an idea, that wants to share the truth, that wants to make the world a better place.
Take part in the fight that we're fighting.
I'm going to get off the stage now.
I hope you all come and see the band on the stage after Victoria's over later.
Thank you so much.
Well done, David.
Sure, thanks.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Well done, David.
Sure, thanks.
Thank you.
Um, I was just going to tell you something.
We will have recorded me asking Helen if that sort of attack or a joint.
So that's going to make it interesting.
I only had one puff, and I'm sure it's affected me.
Maybe I need more.
He said the man who's just been to Bumfest.
One puff.
Now, um... - I'd said the man who's just been to Bumblefest. - No, yeah.
One puff.
Now, Wayne, do you want to come and tell the story about the strange thing you saw in the...
He's only just got me up.
He can get rid of me.
We'll come back to Wayne in a moment.
He can prepare himself.
I'm sorry to the listeners at home.
It's really annoying hearing about Wayne.
You don't know and you're not at the festival stage.
It's boring.
Wayne did tell me some amazing, amazing series of stories last night.
I thought, this is going to be wasted on me.
It should be out there.
It's for the people.
It's for the people.
And I was trying to decide which of the many stories you were telling me, we should... I think the kind of the creature that... Shall we do that?
I think we should do the creature.
I mean, you know, in a bit.
Right.
Have you heard any creature stories yet?
What sort of link is that?
I don't know any creature stories.
Has anyone here seen one of those shape-shifting creatures?
I've spoiled the punchline now.
They didn't really change their shape because they just sort of gave you an intimation of what they were.
I'm really gutted that I haven't seen one yet.
This friend of Yeah, but I want to see what they show.
So this friend of Dick and mine, I won't mention his name, but he's like quite famous.
And his brother, I think, was in Scotland out on the piss with his friends.
And he needed a piss.
So he turned down this alley and he was just, you know, having a pee.
And there was a tree next to him.
And he became aware of this presence and he was he was he he felt that something was was not right and he looked up and there was this seven or eight foot creature with a with a crocodile like head and it was looking at the the house across the road and where people were having a dinner party that hadn't seen him having a pee
And then, suddenly, the Thing looked down... Well, okay, he was pissed, but I believe the story.
And the Thing looked down and started going like this.
You know, like lizards move when they're going down trees to eat.
And it was looking at him like Carr in... Hey, I know where we're going with this.
Like Carr, the snake in the Jungle Book, Which was made by Walt Disney, who based his castle on the chief pedophile child sacrifice castle in Germany.
Yeah?
Right?
I don't know if that's why he gave the car the eyes, but that connects him with the story about the thing.
Then, luckily, because the chap thought he was gone and the creature was going to eat him, the guy's mates called him and said, you know, in a Scottish accent, obviously, and... Hey, Jimmy!
Hey, Jimmy!
And the lizard...
Creature disappeared.
So that's my second-hand lizard story, but I do believe it.
Somebody last night was being really annoying.
They were saying, yeah, I mean, obviously some conspiracies and theories are true, but you've got to be sceptical.
I said, you know, sod that.
Obviously they're all true, because once you understand the enemies' modus operandi, you realize that everything is a construct.
Everything, you know, it's just like, everything that you grew up to understand about the world, everything you were taught is a lie.
You know, like the vaccines, like, oh yeah, milkmaids, they had such better complexions than because, why?
Because they had the cowpox.
Yeah, all these, these cosy, cosy lines you're talking, you say, oh that's nice, oh maybe I would have, maybe I would have, um, taken the cowpox and had a clean complexion instead of got smallpox and had It's just rubbish.
It's all lies.
Men are women, women are men.
That's another big one.
What?
I haven't heard about women can be men and men can be women now.
That would be silly.
I think some of this, I think they probably sit in these, you know, they're probably meetings above the level of Bilderberg and above the level of the Trilateral Commission and above the level even of the Committee of 300.
They're thinking, what crazy shit can we try on them next year and see what they've got.
I know, yeah, but there's 500 genders.
Yeah!
Yeah!
I'm a...
I think what they do is they're pushing it to, let's take some absolute givens.
So they're sat round the Bilderberg boardroom table and I think they've gone, what are the absolute givens in life?
Well, night and day, black and white, oh black and white, we'll come back to that one later, but men are men and women are women.
Let's run with that one, let's completely deconstruct that one and make it so even that isn't true and let's see how that messes with their little minds.
We don't like chest feeding.
And it's not mothers, it's birth givers or something like that, isn't it?
The language, it's always about owning the language, isn't it?
Once you own the language, you own the truth.
I mean, you know a bit about language.
Yes, I'm really clever.
I think I was kind of like the inside agent.
I was sent to go through my establishment education, which you all know about.
Well, some of you, most of you.
I was there as a spy, and I didn't know I was a spy.
It is ridiculous how much of the establishment are your mates.
What?
Ex-mates.
Yeah, I'm not sure.
Chill!
Yeah, you really want to watch him.
I wouldn't trust him, and he's my brother.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was just going to say something interesting.
Oh yeah, look, look.
Did you, did you?
No, did you?
No, I, no, it's, it's my, it's the, um, the cannabinoid receptors in my brain are just, yeah, yeah.
Um, what, did you, did you get to collect, were you old enough to remember the, um, Those Shell coins.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember them.
Did anyone else have them?
You know, like the Panini football stickers, and you collect them in albums, but the petrol stations all did coins.
72.
And they all had coins of the moon landings.
And they were really cool.
And it reinforced in your head that these moon landings had happened, because no way would they release Shell coin collections if the moon landings It hadn't happened.
It was obvious.
Proof where it needed.
Yeah.
That we've been to the moon.
But we were talking about quizzes as well, weren't we?
That's my great new theory.
Right, it's not even a theory, it's obvious when you realise it.
So, what were the things that I used to enjoy most watching on TV?
Quiz shows.
I love quizzes.
I've always loved General Knowledge and I've done well in pub quizzes sometimes.
As long as there's not too many sport quizzes.
Yeah, no way.
Sports questions are evil, aren't they?
Really are.
I mean, it's a bastard trick.
I hate that.
But yeah, proper general knowledge I'm really good at.
And why do they have quizzes?
Why do they make quizzes so popular?
Why do they have three-world pursuit?
Why do they have Mastermind?
Why do they have University Challenge, where people are sort of, you know, impressing you with their knowledge?
They have these quizzes to embed in the popular knowledge, particularly the kind of higher level, all this bullshit, all these lies.
Who was the first man on the moon?
Well, I mean, there hasn't been one yet, but that's not going to win you the pop quiz, is it?
It's really not.
You don't get any reward for being awake.
Yeah, you know, who planned, who planned 9-11 from a cave in Afghanistan?
No, it wasn't me.
No!
I... I don't know who it was.
Was it... Was it Dick... Who did Plan 9?
Was it Dick Cheney or was it... Do we know?
Or George... Did George W. Bush know?
I think his dad... Didn't his dad organise the Kennedy assassination?
He was head of the CIA.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, anyway.
Yeah, so quizzes.
They are another way of...
Fooling us into thinking that this fake knowledge we've been acquiring is actually a desirable thing.
It's not.
I mean, I suppose actually, I was quite lucky because I read a subject where, I mean, I think my knowledge about Beowulf is still valid.
It has not been affected by knowing that the world is run by an evil cabal.
Thomas Hardy, the ending is the same, you know, Tess, I can do the beginning of... I can't remember what it is.
which is children all top themselves.
I don't know that gets changed.
So I read a fairly...
I didn't do gender studies or...
You did English.
Yeah, yeah.
And a lot of that was medieval English, which I used to love when you used to come back speaking Middle English.
Oh, yes.
I can do the beginning of...
I don't know what it is.
It's...
I remember the last bit.
It means that monk was called Abbo in the time of King Alfred.
A certain very learned monk came from the south across the sea in the days of King Alfred and his name was Abo.
It's got me, I've had many happy pub conversations.
In fact, I once, in my, in my, in my Pop music critic days.
I used to enjoy interviewing rock stars and I spent an evening with, do you remember the Boo Radleys?
I had an evening in Liverpool with the Boo Radleys and they were very impressed with my knowledge of Anglo-Saxon.
It got me a long way.
They were actually a great, great band.
But the song that everyone knows from them, Wake Up Boo, was a terrible song.
And they didn't even particularly like that one, did they?
They had a lot better songs than the one... There's a few bands that put out... I'm not including the Freds in this, obviously.
But there's a few bands that... Like R.E.M.
Everybody Hurts.
The worst possible mortgage... How can they do that?
That's got to be part of the evil plan to destroy our brains, no?
You can't make a song that evil and not... I mean, that's wrong, isn't it?
Oh, I love R.E.M.
Oh, I... Everybody Hurts!
We get Charlotte back up.
Yeah, yeah.
And what's the other horrible one?
Shining... Shining People!
Oh, I once... Oh, this is just... I...
I had a flashback to a time when I went to see Radiohead.
I mean, I've seen Radiohead more times than almost any other band, I think.
They befriended you at one point.
No, no.
Ed O'Brien's dad was a fan of my Spectator column, so I had an in with them that way.
But you don't get to Radiohead's level without the whole Do you?
I mean, they're all under 33rd degree, aren't they?
And they've probably got monarch butterflies tattooed on their testicles or something.
You don't?
Anyway, I was reminded about the true horror of that industry.
I went backstage, and Michael Stipe was there, and Tom York was there.
And they were giving off these, like, I'm Tom York, and...
Oh!
Oh, it's MI5!
No!
What?
It's yours working?
No!
Climate change!
It's a coincidence, alright?
No.
Sorry.
It's a coincidence, alright?
No.
Sorry.
Listeners in the world, in the real world, our microphones have gone on.
We've just been hit by an EMP.
An EMP?
It was definitely that evil pootie.
No power!
I think it's single amps.
They're what to blame.
Oh, sorry.
Renewable energy, that's what it is.
Yeah!
It's fucking diesel!
That was wind power in action.
That was definitely intermittent, unreliable.
Is it a message telling us to finish together?
No, but they're hungering for more!
Speak up!
I spotted, he's gone again, Mad Mix.
We were going to drag him up.
I know, he was going to do it.
He went round the back and pulled the plug, didn't he?
That's the simplest thing madmen make.
So, um, after that wind power incident... Outage.
Outage.
Where were we going?
Can anyone remember Wayne's story?
Tom York.
Oh yes, Tom York's story.
No, it was just basically he's a cunt.
That was the story.
And so was Michael Stipe.
They were both...
I get these really sad letters that make me feel really bad.
These emails from people saying, my 11 year old son is really awake and we listen to his podcast in the car, but would you mind not fucking squaring?
And I feel really bad because I used to swear more and I've reined in my... What I haven't worked out...
I'm not going to do the God thing very much, but no, this is my last God question.
We know it scares us.
I'm not quite sure how much you're allowed to swear if you're a Christian.
Does God sort of fuck you over?
Or is he OK with it?
For example, Catholic priests swear a lot.
So I'm thinking, well, that's on the plus side.
But then, is Catholicism Is it a heresy?
Is it?
I'm not sure about this one.
This is another rabbit hole.
It's great.
This is great.
- It's been pleasing to Jesus Christ.
- Oh, well done.
- Oh, okay. - You have all the bloody answers.
- This is great.
- Okay, so for those at home. - You did like what he said when he was going to change the tables in the horny.
- Apparently.
- Yeah, that's not how you do it. - It's interesting you use the word cup because the word vagina means a sheath or a sword, which was apparently made up by them.
Oh yeah, you knew them.
Oh, look, look, he's come back.
Get him up, get him up, get him up.
Mad Mix.
Mad Mix.
So this is a man who upsets people.
So I was being stoned last night and somebody said, oh, look, it's him.
He's an interesting person.
You should talk to him.
And then I wasn't really in a state to work out.
It was very late.
Yeah, it was.
It was.
Yeah, exactly.
So, Mad Mix, come and sit next to us.
This is Mad Mix for those who don't know him.
I think one or two of them might know him.
They all watch Crime Watch, you see.
That's why they know him.
Actually, you have got quite, you know, spooky eyes.
You could be a convincing bad guy if you wanted to.
I know you're not.
Cross Eye does that to people.
Oh, that's what it is.
I was wondering.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So tell me about your fracas with the establishment.
Well, the most recent ones that you guys have seen, we've been to the libraries this week trying to stop the Drag Queen Story Hour.
I don't need to tell you guys, it's a sex worker who earns his living working in nightclubs impersonating women, reading Inappropriate stories to children.
We've had quite a bit of success in Bristol actually, getting them shut down.
We've all been very peaceful.
There's been about 20 of us outside each library, but yesterday they brought Antifa in to try and rile up the crowd.
Or were they?
They were all wearing hoodies, sunglasses, masks over their face.
They were not LGBT.
These guys were there for a fight.
And one of them had a mic concealed underneath his... Yeah, but you could see his earpiece through his hoodie.
So it was all a bit of a set-up.
They were trying to wire us up.
All it did do, in effect, is get the whole thing shut down.
They didn't bring the drag queen to the library.
They just took him straight to the next library.
So we got one library shut down.
Then yesterday, they shut down all three of them in Bristol.
So that was a real result for us.
Well done.
I don't think.
But something doesn't seem quite right about that thing.
Why would a drag queen suddenly say, right, I know what I'm going to do.
I'm going to go and do a tour of libraries and see lots of children, as we drag queens do.
It's the natural thing.
Absolutely.
He certainly didn't come up with the idea.
I believe he's an agent for the government.
I believe the whole thing's a set up.
We managed to get some fantastic footage, it's gone viral, of the police carrying his luggage out, putting it in the back of a landmark car, him getting in the car and the police officer driving him to the next library.
So this guy's got more police protection than the Queen.
We're thinking someone's funding that, well we're funding that.
I've had an idea.
Go on.
If we could get some dresses.
Um, we could do a tour of the library.
I'm thinking that, you know, because I've got the look.
Yeah.
Would I make a good drag queen, guys?
I really would.
Yeah, yeah.
I think it'd be good.
And we do that and we get the message across.
Absolutely, absolutely.
But I would read them more appropriate stories, you know.
Like what?
Biggles.
The fleece of pig.
You couldn't eat a whole one, mind you.
Unless they're well cooked.
And I gather that Jeremy Vine is your number one fan?
Jeremy Vine, yeah, he likes me, he likes me.
We serve notice at Jeremy Vine's house.
During the Covid, whatever it was, farce, I don't know, ridiculousness that went on over the last two years, we started serving notices of liability to celebrities, MPs, and we did Jeremy Vine.
The good thing about Jeremy Vine is he went public with it straight away that he had been served with this notice of liability.
Otherwise no one would have known that we had ever done it.
But he was tweeting about it and it kind of blew the whole thing and it went viral.
Also, I heard a rumour that he had, he kept trying to keep it quiet, but I think he had Covid.
You know why he had Covid?
Because he only had six injections.
If he'd have got the seven, he wouldn't have got the Covid.
No, no.
One more injection and you'll be alright.
No, no.
One more.
One more and you'll be alright.
Alright.
Alright.
One more after that and then you'll be alright.
It's weird.
Shame he didn't die of COVID, though.
That's unfortunate.
We're waiting for that one.
He has become annoying.
He has.
Look, look.
You know, I used to go on his shows.
I heard.
I was a regular.
And he was like, you know, I thought he was okay.
You know, the thing is, we didn't realise about these celebrities and these people in the mainstream What complete cunts they were until the Covid came along.
You're not used to seeing my face.
I'm sorry.
Just one time.
It's for special people.
It's for Michael Stipe and Tom Yorke.
Oh, right.
- Why tell me they're allowed with that one? - It's for special people.
It's for Michael Stipe and John York.
- Oh, right, well, okay, I'll try and can tell that one.
Yeah, we didn't realize what kind of scum these people were until the COVID happened.
And then everyone's showing their true colours.
They're going out, people are getting paid like big bucks to advertise their vaccine, to try and get children to take the vaccine.
You know, we're getting all famous celebrities.
We finally realise now, if we didn't know before, that they're all part of this Illuminati, New World Order, you know, set up.
But we've been happy watching their films and paying their nine quid to go to the cinema.
And these guys have been taking the mick out of us from day one.
So, do you think that everyone, everyone in the public eye, they were all like sleeper agents, like waiting for the signal, the Covid signal, and suddenly they revealed their true colours, like blossoming, you know, like butterflies coming out of their cocoons, and the trigger word, I don't know what it was, was it I don't know, Dr. Schillery or something.
And they all suddenly became terrible shills for the death jab.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
This is not going on YouTube, is it?
I can see the bots are going to be searching this thing.
Death jab, Dr. Schillery.
Can't talk about that.
The thing is, I don't know if it's everybody.
Is it fair to criticise everybody in the I'm thinking I don't trust them.
There's no way they would have got that far.
- I'm thinking I don't trust them.
- No, see I do trust them boys.
- There's no way they would have got that far.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Without being. - But anyone there in the public eye who says don't take the vaccine has got to be on our side.
Because people know what they're playing.
No, it's all the science.
No, no, no, no.
I trust these boys.
They're flashing their one eye symbols.
They're probably like one of their eyes.
It's terrible.
No, it's because he's got dust in his eye.
That's it.
Yeah, yeah.
And he's now doing that poke trick where he turns his fingers upside down.
But the thing is, as long as they keep saying don't take the vaccine, they're on my side.
Yeah, but which... All the vaccines.
Whatever's coming, guys.
Whatever's coming.
You've got your monkeypox vaccine.
That's coming.
What is it?
Marburg?
Marburg.
Marburg.
As pushed by... As invented by Stanley Johnson.
Boris's.
Oh, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember.
I remember the book.
I didn't read it, mind you.
No, no, no.
I can't read, so I don't read.
But isn't it weird that Marburg causes the same reaction as vaccine injuries?
Who would have thought?
And that's the crazy thing because monkeypox, which was a disease with the big spoils, turned into the vaccine rash that the people who had the vaccine was getting after they had it.
They were getting the shingles rash and all of a sudden it's monkeypox.
Monkeypox never used to look like that.
Only after the vaccine.
It's amazing what the vaccine can do.
I don't know what monkeypox looks like.
Have you been to Bumfest?
I didn't want this to come out in public, but I have to make a confession.
You remember Monkeypox started at a gay orgy?
Well, I was actually at that orgy, so it might have been me that started the Monkeypox in the UK, but I even... I don't want to pretend that it was, but it might have been, you know, so just watch out.
I think the conversation's taken a very low turn, Simon.
I think I'm going to bring back Dick back now.
All right, thank you.
Thank you for having me on.
Cheers.
Guys, I love you all.
Thank you.
And thank fucking nobody noticed the embarrassing cross-eye thing, because that would have been...
You're a monster.
No, I don't get embarrassed, that's the problem.
I'm completely insensitive and stupid.
Obviously, we're going to get Wayne with his story about the... Although, I've kind of spot the punchline now, haven't I?
I've told you about the crocodile-headed... What was the other one?
Have you seen the Brian Gerrish Put The Hat On song?
How did that Put The Hat On Brian Gerrish song go?
Is Brian Gerrish going to put the hat on so we can see the Brian Gerrish put the hat on song?
How did that put the hat on Brian Gerrish song go?
None of us can remember half the songs we made last night.
It's like this whole podcast is a sort of extended in-joke about stoner conversations we had last night.
I'm really sorry about that.
You can all make your own tonight because I dare say it'll happen again but even stronger tonight.
Really looking forward to it.
DMT?
Ayahuasca?
Sassafras?
What does that do?
It's a bit like really good pills from years ago.
Have you just made that up?
Sassafras?
Sassafras.
Whoa, what does that do?
It's a bit like really good pills from like years ago.
Oh, whoa!
Do you know about sassafras?
Have you just made it up?
Sassafras.
No, it's a real thing.
I like this thing called sassafras.
Is this just a normal roll-up?
It's a bark of a tree.
Thank God that is just a normal roll-up.
Imagine the trouble that would cause.
It's a bark of a tree?
Yeah.
And it's like... It's like old school... I bet it hasn't been banned, has it?
Oh, I don't know.
Sassafras.
Is it like cake and made up drug?
Yay!
It's very effective if it's made up.
No, no, no.
It was just a cigarette.
I think the Ferrero Rocher ambassador has arrived and he is spoiling you, is he not?
Those of you who don't know the Dick and James podcast... Who doesn't know the Dick and James podcast?
if he wanted one.
- Oh, ho ho ho!
I think the Ferrero Roche ambassador has arrived and he's spoiling you, is he not? - Those of you who don't know the Dick and James podcast, who doesn't know the Dick and James podcast?
What, you don't know about the yes/no game?
Okay, so it's a simple game.
I read out a list of names and James has to say yes or no.
Yeah.
And now, it's no more complicated than that.
And people say, but yes or no to what?
What are the rules?
They're either a yes or they're a no.
So, we start off with one to check the equipment is working as, you know, like with a lie detector test.
So, I start with Piers Morgan.
No.
So, the equipment is working.
That's good.
Let's carry on then.
Michael Hesseltine.
No.
Michael McIntyre.
No, no.
Frankie Boyle.
No, no.
He used to be good when he was evil.
Jacob Rees-Mogg.
No.
And that's really sad because he was on the podcast and it was like, you know, that was back in the day.
They took me for lunch at his club.
That was nice.
Yeah, they all had liberate.
You're not going to win any friends in that one, yeah.
No, that's right.
Yeah, the club.
The seat where we planned.
We planned what we were going to do with you useless teachers.
That's great.
You should have heard.
Boris Johnson.
No.
No.
David Attenborough.
No.
He's a national treasured.
David Bellamy.
Yes.
Yes.
But he's dead.
David Icke.
Yes.
Yes.
Lewis Hamilton Neil Hamilton.
Mayor.
Mayor.
Neil Hannon.
Yes, I think.
AKA The Divine Comedy.
Neil Hannon's alright?
I think he's gonna be alright.
I'm just checking with the threads.
Has he sacrificed Jordan to Satan or not?
Divine Comedy.
Divine Comedy?
Yes.
I love him too much to give him a name.
Neil Diamond.
You sound like Neil Diamond.
Apart from the fact that we grew up... Don't ruin Neil Diamond for us.
But the point is that when we sing this song, we sing from the position of people who grew up listening to Neil Diamond.
You know, we had Hot August Night.
We had all the Neil Diamond records.
We know them.
We know Holly Holly.
Shiloh.
Play me.
You are the sun, I am the moon.
You are the words, I am the truth.
Play me.
That was kind of like his... So what's the but with Neil Diamond?
What were you coming to?
Well, everyone in the music industry, apart from the Freds, is part of the style.
You wouldn't have got that part.
No, and in fact, it's true.
Neil Diamond cut his teeth on what was called Tin Pan Alley, in the Brill Building.
Where these songwriters would have churned out the songs for the music industry, which is controlled by evil overlords who want to make us all take drugs and break up the family unit and have random sex.
Isn't that the deal?
Something like that.
Anyway, yeah.
So what's not to like?
Well, yeah.
Neil Young.
He's a wrong one, isn't he?
He didn't play that whole cancellation thing very well.
Do your little... Little creatures come in... You know what I mean with me?
Little creatures come in from the court...
It's Kermit's nephew, Robin, isn't it?
Yeah, that was that Harvest Moon album, wasn't it?
So I used to be a massive Neil Young fan.
I mean, you can't argue with the needle in the dam is done, can you?
Yeah, how appropriate is that now?
Yeah, and it would have been a great anti-vaxx campaign song, wouldn't it?
But I doubt he'd release it for that, because he seems to be on board with the, you know, with his mate.
Well, I don't know if he's his mate, but...
The one who used to be in Nevada, who's now Chief Backstreet.
Dave, yeah, Dave Gold.
Another, talking of songs that have been re-released because the times have made them appropriate.
Did you hear Sting brought back out there?
I hope the Russians love their children too song.
It was a dire song when it first came out.
It was mawkish and Just generally shit.
He brought it back out again.
Is he pro-Putin?
I'm suddenly starting to like texting.
Is he anti-Zelensky?
No, it's about the Russians are so evil and naughty, but let's just hope it's the fact that they love their children that will stop them being so evil and heartless.
I was nearly brought to bombing just hearing that that song had reared its ugly head again, but that's a digression.
The Russians have got Dostoevsky and we've got Dickens.
I mean, like, you'd want Dostoevsky, wouldn't you?
Dickens is kind of shit, isn't he?
Hands up who thinks Dickens is shit?
What?
A lot of Dickens fans here.
Hands up who thinks Dostoyevsky's better than Dickens?
Dickens or Dostoyevsky?
Oh dear.
You'll be saying that Lewis Carroll was a paedophile next, and then you'll really shit on all my dreams.
Right, OK.
We're down to Neil Young.
We've done the Neils now.
John McEnroe.
Okay, so the reason he's in the list is apparently he spoke out in favour of Djokovic recently.
Djokovic was obviously, yes, too obvious to be in there.
But McEnroe, although he may not be fully on board with us, apparently he was picking up the job.
Jeremy Clarkson, he's a difficult one.
Oh!
Yeah, he's difficult.
I went to this drinks party the other day, Where Jeremy Clarkson was.
And, you know, everyone was sort of doing that thing where, you know, you don't go and talk to the sort of famous person in the room because it shows that you've noticed he's a famous person and stuff.
It's like the Freds over there, people are judiciously avoiding them.
It's like a whole sort of empty circle round them.
What's that star shape?
A pointed star in the middle.
Yeah, and...
And he comes over to me and starts asking me about one of my TV reviews.
So, like, that must mean I'm more famous.
Why did you give me a shit review, James?
James Dreyfuss No, no, no!
Actually, he is one of the good guys.
I feel we haven't done enough of my crap Neil Young impersonations.
We'll do it later.
We'll have plenty of time for that later.
JK Rowling.
You see, another difficult one.
She's fighting a good battle on the one front, but on every other matter, she's definitely not one of us.
On the plus side, on the plus side, when I went to, I once went to this incredible cabal level party at the house of one of those oligarchs that has sort of I once went to this incredible cabal level party at the house of one And Gorbachev sang a folk song, came along and sang a folk song, and there were synchronised swimmers beforehand.
Zolatsky played the piano.
Anyway, I can't remember who was there, but I imagine the whole of the New World Order were there.
And JK Rowling was there, and I asked for her autograph for the kids, and she was really nice.
So that's on the other side.
But, and also obviously all her trans stuff, but I was listening to the audiobook of one of her Cormoran Strike books, and it was really long.
And lots of killings were taking place in the past or something, and somebody was, you know, whatever, you know, what happens in detective books.
They're, you know, going through that.
And I worked out what was going on, because I took into account the dates where the killings were happening, and they were all dates in the Satanic calendar.
And I only know the shit because we do, don't we?
Because we've got to know how the other side operates.
But I was thinking, that's not why JK Rowling knows this stuff.
She knows it because she needs to know when to run around naked and make sacrifices to Satan or whatever, I would guess.
So I don't know.
I think, look, basically, basically, anyone who makes it big, anyone who makes it big, apart from the Freds, is working for the other side.
Is that not the case?
And maybe, oh, I'm sorry, Pat Cash.
And Djokovic.
Actually, quite a few cellist players.
Van Morrison.
- Ian Brown. - Do you think though, I was wondering about this.
So, what's he called, Lewis Hamilton?
I would like to think that he was actually a really, really shit driver.
Really no-talented, but that somehow, because he was selected, he was given all these dark powers to help him.
Do you think... Is that likely, that explanation?
It would really burn in my soul if I thought that he actually had a talent.
I've got an interesting story attached to that.
We've got this lovely chap at work who is from Angola and he was a pro basketballer and he was telling me about... we had a chat about do you believe in witchcraft and this sort of shit and he was talking about it's a very real thing over in Angola they all believe in the local witch doctor and he said there was this one basketball player on his team who was kind of rubbish and
He went to this witch doctor and he made a deal and part of it is really really dark deals involving you bring your young sister along and the sister disappears and that sort of thing.
This guy made a kind of deal of that order.
Suddenly he was the most amazing basketballer.
He did ridiculous things.
He was doing tricks that are impossible and It was obvious to all watching him that the skill was not something he was born with or that had worked on it.
It suddenly came on and he got in deep hock to this.
I totally believe the shit because do you remember my podcast the one I did fairly recently with the second one with Jerry Marzinski and the guy he had on who'd been possessed by demons and the demons said to him you can have you will get anything you want if you you know join join team Team Evil.
And I was thinking about that.
We could still do this.
We could... If... I mean, what would you like to do?
Be a Formula 1 driver or a star?
Be really good with sound equipment.
Imagine!
Imagine!
If suddenly you find the sound quality on my podcast...
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!
I have marshalled the dark force!
Fear me!
Fear me!
Wow!
You couldn't, you couldn't, even if we had technicians you couldn't recreate that, couldn't you?
That was just like...
Right, can we just do the last few names on the yes, no, and then I think we should move on to something else.
So we could turn JK Rowling.
This chap, Morrissey, stop watching the news because the news is there to frighten you.
To make you feel sad and alone.
To make you feel the world isn't your own.
Anyway, that's a really good song, that Morrissey song that we sang very badly.
Spent the day in bed.
Spent the day in bed.
If you haven't yet listened to it, it's one of his more recent things, but it's absolutely awesome.
The guy is amazing.
He's always ploughed his own furrow and done his own thing.
And yeah, we love Morrissey.
He is another, hopefully, another one of the good guys.
But yeah, let's keep him in that place in our hearts at the moment.
Um, the Pfizer Chiefs.
The Pfizer Chiefs.
Yes!
I love them.
They're one of my favourite bands.
Put your hands in the air if you had the AstraZeneca!
This is going to fall flat.
Put your hands in the air if you had the Pfizer!
Try another one.
Tough audience.
Put your hands in the air if you had Moderna!
Yeah, it's really embarrassing when you really bomb because you just don't get it right.
But I did wonder about that.
- I did wonder about that. - We're not reading our crowd.
- I did, I did, yeah, it's really embarrassing when you really bomb because you just don't get it right. - You're choosing the wrong Vax. - But I did wonder about that.
I had to advise a relative in Hong Kong where he had no option but to have a Vax.
And we were trying to work out which would be the least evil Vax.
And I thought, well, maybe the Chinese one is gonna be shit rather than designedly evil.
Was that a good call or not?
I don't know.
Ah, we have it confirmed.
All the Hong Kong resistance are having the Chinese.
There's a man in the Big Pharma t-shirt.
I like that.
Big Pharma is making a killing.
What I love about this audience, this festival, there's so much folk wisdom here.
You know, you can pick any subject, any conspiracy tinfoil hat pick, and they'll know their shit.
There's even a bloke in here about microphones.
Yes, I know.
It was amazing.
Andy.
Andy from Fulham.
We've got to buy him a drink, yeah.
Anyway, last two names on the list, Wright said Fred.
That's a resounding yes.
And Brian Gerrish.
Yes!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We love Brian.
Which means we can sing, put on the hat, how does it go?
Put a hat on Brian Gerrish.
Put your hat on Brian Gerrish.
We were hoping that, we were hoping that we'd jolly him along a bit.
I think sometimes you need that scene, you need a bit of that on his show.
We were thinking, you know, putting an amusing hat on him might jolly him along a bit.
So we wrote a song to go with it.
But we saw him just before we came on.
In fact, he's not a hat person.
And I said, you wouldn't know about this, but in the early days of submarines, in the 1930s, submarine commanders wore pith helmets like dicks.
To stop themselves banging their heads on the periscope.
He didn't know that, but he still wouldn't wear the hat.
Um, so, um, what?
Wayne.
Wayne!
Come and tell your story.
Whatever your story is.
You're gonna, you're gonna...
Oi!
*Clapping* Um, Wayne, this is the set closing anecdote.
So you better milk it for all it's worth, I think.
I think...
So absolutely no pressure at all.
Welcome to the Deling Podway.
Thank you very much.
It was really sweet.
I wanted to say that sweet thing you said about you not being a people person.
Yeah.
I've just said it now.
Well, before before before Covid hit, I was been away for a long time and I didn't really connect with people anymore.
I couldn't connect with people anymore.
But since Covid has hit, I think it's an amazing time to be alive.
I'm meeting people like I've met loads of people today, but all these different protests and the third Wednesday that Vic's been organizing around the country.
It's just been amazing.
And so I've become a people person since Covid.
So I think there's some positives.
It's a good time to be alive.
Yes, I was really touched by your stories because I thought I'd met you and you were telling me a string of amazing, really good stories.
Absolutely class A.
We were smoking a lot of drugs at the time.
But even allowing for that, they were good stories.
I was not bored at all.
You lost track halfway through some of them, but you found your way back.
But I thought there's got to be so many people out there like you, because we don't all live in this field, do we normally?
We all live in different parts of the country, and we're not surrounded by People like us, which is why it's such a weird experience, why this is to recap Bumfest.
We found our people.
But normally we're quite isolated, aren't we?
And we don't all have the chance to kind of talk about the things that we want to talk about, which we want to share with people, because we get closed down and it's really sad.
Which kind of leads me on to my story, I suppose.
Tell us your story.
Okay, so this was before I... This was early on in my awakening.
I was in... I went to a bar in Bristol and I just had sat in the scene.
It was about half eight in the evening.
I hadn't taken any drugs.
I was completely straight.
I drove over, just sat in the scene.
And I got a drink at the bar and I was with a group of friends.
And there was two lads by the bar.
They looked almost like travellers.
You know, the kind of hippie hair and intense...
And whilst I was looking at them, one of them, one of them had gills open up on his neck and wrinkled in his forehead.
So he actually, almost like breathing up there.
So it all like shape shifted in front of him.
Like the man from Atlantic?
Like the man from Atlantic.
No way.
No.
But yeah, that's what I saw.
And I was totally straight and I had a person with me who actually saw the same thing.
And we kind of looked at each other and went, what the hell is that?
So yeah, that's kind of my story.
And from that point on, I think when I started waking up and I started reading about reptilians, I kind of thought, wow, maybe there's something in there.
Or maybe someone slipped something in my coffee.
Although, to be fair, we did have an Ask Around, and you're the only person who's seen one of these pictures.
Has anybody else ever seen anything like this?
No.
So basically, you've revealed... You've gone on stage... I'm a mentalist.
Hang on, we've got one hand up.
Ah, okay, so we've got a second-hand sighting.
I'm buying that.
And were they like the ones described?
Yeah, so I was speaking to someone who was into reptilians and looking at them and he reckons that it was quite a hot summer's evening.
Yeah.
And it could have been his way of cooling down.
Like, you know, opening, almost opening the gills.
Okay.
Well look, it wasn't the best show closer, but I think it was important to get it out there.
I think the build-up to it was... I'm sorry if I've oversold it, but I think it's important to tell these stories about shapeshifting lizards, to show that they're not made-up stuff, they're real.