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April 7, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:53:35

S4E237 - GAY BOOKS

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Time	Text
	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Music
	I don't want to be idolized.
	I want to be the person that you see waste away.
	I want to be a character in the feature film that slowly slithers away.
	And when I'm standing there facing you, I want you to look at me and feel nothing.
	Once again, Australia hits it out of the park.
	I don't know what the F is going on with that country/slash continent, but they keep churning out awesome bands.
	Who the fuck are these guys?
	They're from New South Wales, Newcastle in New South Wales in Australia.
	Dust, they're called.
	like Emil and the Sniffers, the fucking Smoko guys, the chats they just, as The Australian music scene right now is as relevant as New York and England in the late 70s with the punk and CBGBs and the 100 Club and the Sex Bistles and all that stuff.
	It's as consequential.
	Might not get the same media attention.
	They don't have their looks down the way Malcolm McLaren and Vivian Westwood did, but go back to that song.
	And I know this sounds naive, but how do you...
	Right.
	Yeah, that's super fucking tough.
	Yeah.
	Like painting.
	There's no crazy keyboards going on.
	How are you a painter in 2023?
	What are you going to do?
	A landscape?
	What are you going to do?
	Some weird DALI-esque thing that looks like what it isn't?
	Oh, he's going up the stairs.
	He's going down the stairs.
	Like MC Escher.
	Like fine art in that sense.
	It's got to be done.
	And you think the same of rock.
	And then these guys come along and they go, no, I can take a bass, a guitar, drums.
	the bass is playing two chords it's going and then repeating There's two more songs here for me.
	This is going to be a long app, by the way.
	We got a lot to cover.
	sorry I've become so good at detecting musical sprinkles.
	Detective Sprinkles that I can just Similarly, you hear this and you go, amazing.
	Opening song.
	Again, curly hair.
	Who would have known?
	Guys with curly hair usually can't rock.
	That's a jam.
	What's that one called?
	Zoom out?
	Dust.
	Ward 52.
	Ward 52.
	And then what's this next one?
	So the song is Ward 52.
	The band is dust.
	The guts are.
	The guts are.
	The gutter.
	Fly.
	Ooh.
	Ooh, they're getting angry.
	This is more my speed here.
	Turn it down, goddamn!
	You damn kids with your rock and roll!
	Welcome to the gutter, baby.
	Oh, the gutter's filthy.
	Stop.
	It's loud in the gutter.
	That guy's in an alleyway.
	He's gonna mug me.
	That store's closed.
	You better not break those windows, you dicks.
	Ew, get away from that.
	It has rabies.
	Ew, bad.
	They're gonna start another fucking COVID.
	You better not put that in a soup and eat.
	Better not throw tomatoes at that clock, you jerks.
	music
	Every song totally different.
	That's a different vocalist than before.
	Huh.
	One of the least boring bands I've ever heard in my life.
	Nice work.
	You win the musical sprinkles.
	Speaking of musical sprinkles, oh, by the way, I did that hand tattoo thing a few days ago.
	I cannot get these off.
	Yeah, no, they're so embarrassing.
	It says, how fast time flies with roses.
	And this is fucking tiger.
	I just meet those.
	These are a joke.
	It's for a thing.
	Anyway, let's get to work.
	But speaking of sprinkles, speaking of sprinkles, we have some exciting news.
	Anal Chinook.
	The remastered recordings are available at the very least on YouTube.
	And you can listen to all my cringe lyrics I wrote when that's me at 17 with no Nazis, you guys.
	This is Entrepreneur.
	Yep.
	Yeah, go to the beginning.
	It says Alex P. Keaton here.
	Alex P. Keaton here.
	This song is about people who just want money.
	A nice house and a car.
	Ooh.
	Yeah, you really need that.
	Because as punks, we all lived in the suburbs.
	So we're like, why do people need money so bad?
	I don't want to be a service man.
	Lots of money and mine and my house.
	And lots of friends.
	Nobody knows that I'm socially dead Beep Turn it up.
	Turn it up.
	You're socially blind if you just want to make money.
	You're greedy.
	Wait a minute.
	Socially Blind!
	Great jams with you.
	You've got your pubic lights.
	You got God Bless You about choosing a religion.
	A 17-year-old is telling you that it's your own life and it's your own decision what religion you choose.
	So that's good to know.
	Thanks, Teenage Me.
	What else have we got there?
	Idealistic tease.
	No, show me the previous list you had.
	I can't see it anymore.
	Pubic lice is just about having lice in your pubes.
	Idealistic tease is like, you tell us that we're free, but we're not free.
	So you're teasing us.
	Acid rain, of course, is about the depletion of the ozone layer.
	I mean, sorry, it's about America polluting our forests and our legs with acid rain.
	Red Blisters is definitely the most cringe song on the list.
	That's an ode I wrote to women about the suffering they endure.
	And Red Blisters is from High Heel Shoes.
	And one of the lines in it is, giant red blisters on the backs of their heels.
	I won't even pretend.
	I know how it feels.
	I know how blisters feel.
	And I knew how blisters felt when I was 17.
	I don't know.
	High heel shoes.
	And then that song has the chorus, women can't articulate, why can't women masturbate?
	I worry about the world's fate with men in control.
	Women can diddle their bean like crazy, actually.
	But back when I was 17, it seemed like only guys jerked off.
	So I thought women don't masturbate.
	Why not?
	Use Your Brains Now is self-explanatory.
	In fact, Use Your Brains Now used to throw cowbrains out into the audience.
	So that's why I have brains all over me in the picture.
	Those are cowbrains we got from the local butcher.
	Entrepreneur, we just heard that's about how evil it is to want to be rich.
	And then Pee Wee's Playhouse is a cover of us live.
	And then a silly interview.
	And we all know how to control wacky at Pee Wee's Playhouse.
	It was really hard finding who wrote that.
	It's like three people.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	The guy from Devo, some other person, and then Paul Rubin.
	Mark Mothersbau.
	Yes.
	He has written everything in the world, by the way.
	Yeah.
	Go to the first one.
	Goodbye, Ozon.
	Lay.
	I love the beginning.
	Yeah.
	Silence, and then we'll start it again.
	Were you aware?
	No, it's on the beginning.
	Damn it.
	It won't let me.
	All right, I'll go from one song to the next.
	Ready?
	Set.
	Hey, John Brown.
	Were you aware?
	The ozone's completed, but you don't care.
	Should have been a Kellbell there.
	Don't do that.
	Do the heavens.
	The people.
	The animals.
	Deforestation.
	Time.
	And time again.
	We put the environment behind McDonald's Corporation.
	Goodbye.
	Ozone Rare.
	Farewell.
	Alright, that's enough.
	You can look that up yourself.
	We have to boycott McDonald's.
	I hear some nice tapping in there.
	Scrawny Ronnie won't pay a cent to help protect your environment.
	That's Ronald Reagan.
	Fucking scrawny Ronnie.
	Hey, Ronnie, if you're watching this, fuck you.
	Sit on this and rotate.
	Oh, Ronald Reagan.
	Jook.
	We're going to get to more sprinkles in a moment in this extra long episode, but I'd like to talk to you briefly about our sponsor, Jump Medic.
	Jump Medic is a company owned by a baby monster who happens to be a longtime paramedic.
	Jump Medic sells top-notch first aid kits and first aid equipment.
	Their premier product is the Jump Medic Pro, which comes in red or black.
	This is the red version here.
	It contains two world-class first aid bags.
	The larger bag comes stocked with nine pounds of first aid equipment, absolutely everything you would need in a first aid kit, from bandages to sutures, to medications, and even a blood pressure cuff, glucose meter, shears, and a flashlight.
	The shears in particular would be perfect if Ryan decides to do something about his incredibly embarrassing hair.
	What?
	Now, unfortunately, this ad copy was written before Ryan and I went to Los Angeles where his deadbeat dad gave him a mullet.
	And there is nothing wrong with that.
	Thank you very much.
	Something wrong.
	Your hair has been annoying for years.
	That's not annoying.
	Take your headphones off.
	Show them a profile.
	This is what people look like when they're not annoying.
	I told him to give up being annoying for Lent, and he said he's new to Catholicism, and he has to start light.
	You don't want to set yourself up for failure.
	You know you can start...
	I didn't know that, and I usually don't.
	I usually quit.
	But you quit coffee, right?
	So you don't have a coffee.
	Cream and sugar, I quit.
	And then also sugar drinks.
	I would look at the clock.
	The second it turned midnight on Saturday, I just start pounding bourbon, and then Sunday was a shit shot.
	See, I asked my wife about that, and she said, does that feel good to you?
	And I'm like, it feels like cheating.
	Rules are rules.
	Rules are rules.
	Go check out jumpmetic.com and look at the what's included page to get an idea of everything including the jumpmetic pro first aid kit the jumpmetic pro kit also comes with a smaller secondary bag that's not this smaller secondary bag we have it somewhere it's about this big it's good if you're going to rallies you might get cut by one of these antifa nuts um and go to the what's included page to get an idea of everything included in the jumpmetic pro first aid kit the jump medic pro kit also comes with a smaller oh yeah sorry i'm repeating
	myself um you can use the bigger kit for your home and take the smaller one with you when you plan on doing anything remotely dangerous and folks it's the wild wild west out there nowadays everything is dangerous just ask eric or scott adams all joking aside if you don't have a first aid kit you need to get one yesterday you don't want to be unprepared for a very difficult situation fumbling through an old and out-of-date first aid kit asking does this do anything both of the incredibly durable blags allow for open flat access while in use.
	Very simple here.
	This is zipped up, right?
	Nothing's falling out of this.
	You take the jumpmedic top here and just go zinc for ding-dong.
	Look at that.
	Now you can access every single thing in the bag.
	Both of the, sorry, Jumpmedic also sells refills for these kits and they sell first aid supplies for anyone who may need bandages, medications, and more.
	If you already have a first aid kit, keep them in mind if you need to resupply anything in your kit.
	Jumpmedic Pro is great for nurses, paramedics, firefighters, and police, but it's also great for hobbyists and families.
	If you don't have a first aid kit in your home, and even if you do, this is also a great product, possibly the most comprehensive first aid kit at this price point that is currently on the market.
	Go to jumpmedic.com, enter promo code RyanSucks, all one word, or Gavin for 10% off.
	No, only Ryan sucks.
	I made them get rid of the other one.
	If you don't think Ryan sucks, you need first aid.
	It's a catch 22.
	There's something wrong.
	You're in trouble.
	Oh, I gotta...
	Are you injured?
	So leg and broken?
	Gotta heel, go and heal.
	Don't play that, or we won't be able to make this show public.
	It's instrumental.
	I'm sure they own that.
	All right, let's get back to work here.
	We started the show with some musical sprinkles, and now let's get to some comedic sprinkles.
	I gotta say, baby monsters, I'm a little worried.
	I assumed you appreciate comedy because you subscribe to censored.tv, but when you send me clips and you go, this is definitely sprinkles.
	First, it's usually two years old.
	Secondly, I don't know how to convey this.
	Sprinkles is magic, okay?
	It means God sprinkled magic dust on you.
	How many people have written more than five number one hits in world history?
	It's like six people.
	Taylor Swift, Bruce Springsteen.
	Michael Jackson.
	Michael Jackson.
	The Beatles, Elvis.
	The Beatles is a whole band.
	There's very few.
	Maybe two hands, you can count them.
	Number one hits.
	Jimi Hendrix had none, by the way.
	So when you're talking about comedy, I don't just want someone who's pretty funny.
	I want someone who has weird, magical, new skills, like the opening band, Dust.
	This is the comedy equivalent of Dust.
	I have anxiety and depression.
	I've been dealing with it over the past forever.
	I feel like they cancel each other out, though.
	I feel like the anxiety is like, oh, what if everyone here hates you?
	What if they all want to kill you?
	And then the depression's like, yeah, they do.
	And there's nothing you can do about it.
	So I have anxiety.
	Oh, shit.
	Quality.
	And then, of course, the Friday Beers crew never disappoints, but this was a particularly good one about a blind bully.
	Oh, did you make it?
	No.
	Oh, who do we got here?
	It's Billy Langdon.
	Butt Munch Billy.
	What's he wearing, colour?
	He's got on a gray t-shirt and some black pants to need his pants.
	Okay.
	How tight are these pants?
	They're pretty tight.
	Queer.
	You gay, Langdon.
	What is this?
	Okay, and what color were his clothes again?
	It's a gray t-shirt, black pants, and white shoes.
	White shoes, black pants.
	Okay.
	Are those colors pleasant to look at?
	Do they go together?
	I guess.
	Because he doesn't know what matches.
	Do those colors represent anything socially?
	Is there something he's wearing that makes him stand out based on our socioeconomic status?
	Um, I don't know.
	It's just like, it just feels like it's casual way, I guess.
	Normal.
	Okay, how about this?
	Are they expensive or cheap?
	Cheap?
	Your mom's still working two jobs, Layden.
	Hey, yeah, tell me.
	Jesus, fuck!
	It's me, Chen.
	I'm one of the mean popular kids in your crew.
	Well, announce yourself, okay?
	Make your footsteps louder.
	Fuck!
	SNL doesn't know how to end sketches.
	But he does.
	Those crews always have one main sprinkles and a lot of sprinkling dick riders.
	You can tell the main guy, the blind bully, is the main funny guy in the crew.
	And then there's other guys who are moderately funny.
	And then there's always two guys who are not even remotely funny, but you've known them since fucking grade school.
	Like the Birthday Boys, remember them?
	Yeah, yeah, with the music and the songs.
	You could tell like the fat guy was the main guy.
	But then the other guys were also pretty good.
	Actually, pull up the Birthday Boys.
	Birthday Boys.
	And then there was one dude where you're like, you're the shit staying they all hate.
	And when they signed a contract with Comedy Central, everyone just was so happy that they finally got something going that they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, equal parts, equal parts.
	Fucking, we're the team.
	And then after two years, they're like, what the fuck?
	Why is this guy here?
	Cooking Pepsi boys.
	Okay, so yeah, go to all your favorites are back.
	Let's play a sprinkles game.
	Live from television studios in the show business capital of the world, all your favorites.
	And by the way, this is just a hunch.
	Do you guys ever see this?
	Definite sprinkles.
	That's who I meant when I said the fat guy.
	The first guy that I just showed.
	That guy has the sprinkles.
	And I feel like just like the blind bully, he's the main guy.
	I can't believe I'm ruining comedy by being so clinical about it.
	Isn't it crazy that that used to be the fat guy?
	Yeah, yeah.
	He's going to wider shit.
	He's literally five pounds overweight.
	That guy, I bet.
	That's who I was thinking of.
	I bet that guy's the shit stain they all hate.
	That guy also has sprinkles.
	That's two sprinkles.
	Richard Trick Car.
	Sprinkle-esque.
	Yeah, yeah, he's sprinkly.
	So that's three sprinkles.
	And then we start repeating.
	That show was so good.
	Remember the musical about a book?
	That's the only one I do know about them, yeah.
	Great stuff.
	Fun for the whole family.
	Speaking of comedy, sometimes you don't need jokes to laugh.
	Sometimes reality delivers the jokes.
	Like, this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen, and it's not trying to be.
	Future Razorback Quincy Rhodes Jr. is on the front line today, cleaning up his community after Friday's tornado.
	Full report from Mims Courtney.
	So there's been a tornado.
	Some trees are felled.
	What do you do?
	Let's ask Quincy.
	Everybody, when they see QJ, they see, oh, he's going to Arkansas.
	He's a four-star.
	He's this, this, and that.
	They think he's too big to.
	Are you punishing the tree for falling down?
	Never fall down again.
	He's a real supporter of this community.
	And I feel like once he gets to the NFL, even when he gets to college, he's going to get back to the city.
	What is that black thing where people talk like that?
	I just know I love everybody outside their mouth.
	I'm lived once, so I just know.
	I just know if I was in their shoes, I would want somebody to help me.
	Who, the tree's shoes?
	Look at what he's doing.
	He's sawing a random part of a tree.
	That's not helping, guy.
	And then look at this.
	What the fuck are you doing?
	First of all, say hypothetically, go back to the axe.
	Say hypothetically, the plan here is I want to get this part of the tree separated so people can still park here, I guess.
	I mean, that whole tree's got to be separated and wood chipped up or taken away, right?
	So if that was your plan, which is a retarded plan, by the way, axing it like that, that's what, four hours, I'd say?
	Yeah, four hours of chopping is eventually going to get through that.
	And then what have you done?
	You just broke off that piece.
	And then the first part where he's got some fucking axe on, which is for small branches, by the way, he's sitting there just randomly.
	Thanks a lot, buddy.
	Ask me about my axe.
	I got to ask you something.
	What the fuck are you doing there?
	Oh, my God.
	Thank you for this, Real World.
	See, once you stop being nice and you don't worry about, you know, hurting or being politically incorrect, all of this humor just falls into your lap.
	I just know if I was in Nation.
	I'm done with charity.
	I'm done with going, well, at least they're trying.
	No, that's funny.
	Fuck you.
	Like the guy, the black dude who said at our show in LA, he comes up to me and he goes, man, I love your show on Wednesdays and stuff, but could you take it easy on the black people for once?
	Like, just release the chokehold just a little bit?
	I'm like, no.
	Can you take it easy on everyone else?
	Black people?
	Speaking of black people, the wig guy is still rocking.
	I think he's European.
	because it takes an outsider like me i'm from canada and britain uh to really not play by the rules and this is just we thought if Oh, no way.
	I'm sorry.
	Oh, you want me?
	I'm sorry.
	I can show you.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry.
	It's still good.
	I'm still forgiven.
	I can repay you.
	No, no, no.
	This is crazy.
	He's the best.
	He's the best.
	I'm sorry.
	I can show you.
	I'm sorry.
	This is so rude, Don.
	Again, wild, this is wildly disrespectful.
	Nah, brother, this is not it.
	You're messing with a culture that's already vulnerable.
	That when you're walking around the Bronx and, well, more specifically, New York City, Manhattan, the fact that every black woman you see is wearing a wig is like the elephant in the room.
	Like, it's ridiculous.
	I'm seeing a lot of black people here with zero humor about it.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I know.
	You're not supposed to acknowledge that this thing exists.
	Anyway, I remember when I was with my old buddy that I had the ad agency with, and we were at a hotel on a business trip, and there's an ad for Beyoncé blonde shampoo.
	And he goes, motherfucker.
	I go, what's the matter?
	Look at this.
	She's advertising blonde hair shampoo.
	And that's not her hair, A, and B, she can't get it wet.
	So why is she telling blondes how to maintain their fucking sewn in hair?
	Anyway, that's enough racism for one day.
	We're going to see a lot of stuff here in a second where the person just needs a beating.
	And like, especially Antifa and Rappaport.
	I'm about to show you Michael Rappaport and talking shit.
	He's still doing his New York thing.
	Dude, he moved to LA when he was a teenager.
	He's not a New Yorker.
	He's a Los Angeles LA dude dressed up as a New Yorker for Halloween.
	He's always got his Yankees hat on.
	He's got a black wife, which Shane Gillis calls you a daywalker.
	If you have a black wife, because you can be racist and no one can touch you.
	Is that the funniest thing you've ever heard?
	A daywalker?
	You can walk among the zombies.
	But he's talking shit, and the Antifa dude's talking shit.
	And you're like, none of these people are ever going to fight.
	And I just wish they would.
	Fighting solves everything.
	And here's a dude with a pit bull.
	The pit bull attacks his stupid gay dog.
	And the guy gives him and the pit bull a beating.
	Like, this situation is handled now.
	Classified is finished.
	We're good.
	Oh, okay.
	Fuck you.
	You want to go, dog?
	Literally?
	And then the doggie comes out again and the pit bull attacks it again.
	Is he a drunk?
	I think his face is pretty swollen.
	That might be from the punches already.
	Look at that.
	Great punches.
	He fights the pit bull too.
	Want more?
	Okay, you wanna get up?
	Remember my buddy Trevor in Tampa told me about this dude.
	He was a drug dealer and Coke, I believe.
	And one of the kids in his neighborhood, one of the guys who had bought from him before, snitched on him when he got in trouble.
	Now, I don't think he ended up getting Arrested for whatever reason, but he knew that there was a snitch down the road.
	And the guy was a fucking beast, murderer, scary guy.
	The kind of guy who has hand tattoos but isn't a poser.
	He has them so when you pull out your prison plate, the guy giving you the food can see your hand tattoos, and he might give you a little more schlop because he's in your gang.
	So the snitch has his pit bull with him at all times.
	Like, I'm going to get fucking killed.
	I fucked up.
	And then the dude, the drug dealer sees him, and he goes, oh, there you are.
	He was about half a block away.
	And he goes, yo, my man.
	And he's like, fuck, fuck this.
	And he just released the pit bull.
	He goes, shake him.
	So the pit bull is charging at him.
	And the story goes that the drug dealer was like, waiting as he thinks it's coming towards him.
	And then when it does the leap, he just goes fucking.
	It gives it an overhand right, knocks it out.
	It just goes, wow.
	And is lying on the ground.
	That's fucking awesome.
	Of course, our dog owner fans will be furious about that stuff.
	I feel like that probably feels, like the feeling of that is probably like, um, I want to say not like punching a shark, because that's different, but.
	Oh, you know what I mean?
	I have a hand tattoo.
	I forgot.
	Because I don't ever douche display.
	I don't do that.
	What is it?
	It's the tea tree.
	It's the symbol for my old band.
	Huh.
	My old band.
	What are you, Joe Biden?
	Oh, that's a joke.
	My old band.
	Oh, band.
	Where's your game?
	Yeah.
	Kids used to rub my legs.
	When I played shows, kids of the neighborhood, I'd be on stage.
	They'd rub the hairs on my legs.
	My old band.
	You should see all the cute groupies.
	I was in the wiggles.
	I used to tour the teletubbies.
	I'd be sniffing kids after every show.
	A free meet and sniff after everybody.
	That's a show, man.
	Come on.
	I've sniffed so many kids I got a fucking sinus infection.
	Barney was my teammate, man.
	They used to clip my nose hairs so it wouldn't impede the smell.
	I had to clip the hairs on my elmo costume, man.
	Not a joke.
	Not a joke.
	Okay, so here's from the Trump arrest.
	Rappaport showed up.
	What are you doing, dude?
	What are you doing?
	So he shows up, and I guess he assumes because he hates Trump, he's going to be down with the lefties.
	But they hate famous people.
	They hate everyone.
	Antifa hates everyone.
	So here is Rappaport talking about how he's going to fuck him in the ass.
	I'll explain that in a second.
	Look at him.
	Nobody's going anywhere.
	Don't make the mistake.
	Don't make the mistake, mama.
	Dude, let me tell you something.
	If you move somewhere when you're 18, by the time you're 50, your accent's gone and it sounds like the people there.
	Not 100%, but if you move to Britain when you're 18, you're going to have, you're going to say war like Andrew Tate does.
	You're not going to be the same fucking New York dude from Queen.
	And I bet you, his dad's a rich LA like director.
	So I bet he grew up in like Soho or something, which doesn't have an accent and never did.
	Maybe Bill the Butcher days.
	But no.
	Yo, don't make that mistake.
	I'm from New York.
	And that's a chick, right?
	No, it's a dude.
	I have a picture of him.
	What's with the weird tits?
	Here, go to 2-0 first.
	That's exactly what I said on Getter and Telegram and the other social media I'm still allowed on.
	So that's the guy.
	Is that a woman's hat?
	What the fuck?
	He's in drag, basically.
	Like, that hat is what your Nona wears.
	Yeah.
	That's an Italian grandma hat.
	It's a black pussy hat.
	Men don't wear that.
	And then look at his moobs.
	He's got beautiful tits.
	This guy's never been in a fight.
	He's never been punched in the nose.
	And he knows that he can talk to celebrities with impunity because they never risk getting sued.
	Especially Jewish celebrities because they don't want to lose their money.
	Just kidding.
	What the fuck you think you are?
	Don't make the mistake.
	Get the fuck out.
	Get the fuck out.
	Why are you wearing a mask?
	That whole body shape is absurd.
	It's rough.
	It's like your mom's friend.
	Yeah.
	And you're kind of uncomfortable when she's around because you know she just got divorced and you're scared she's going to put those ideas in your wife's head.
	She's got all fag hag friends and she goes out for like $300 lunches because she got so much money from her ex.
	It's a mess!
	Dude, what is the purpose of this?
	What's the guy behind doing?
	He's going from portrait to landscape.
	Are you filming?
	Get him out of here.
	Get him out of here.
	There's some lefty dude.
	He looks familiar.
	I think I've seen him.
	Looks like his mic doesn't work.
	Yo, you want to walk around the corner with me?
	So you're going to walk around the corner and have a fist fight and no one's going to follow you?
	Do you want to walk around the corner with me?
	You mean that's what I'm saying?
	I'm just going to follow you, genius.
	And then I'll fuck you in the ass.
	See, this is a funny part.
	Shit talking for Gen X, a lot of it we stole from Mike Tyson.
	And Mike Tyson has a prison background, so he would talk about making someone his bitch, and then he would exaggerate that and say, yeah, you're going to suck my dick, and I'm going to fuck you.
	In the context of 80s and 90s tough guy talk, it does sound kind of scary.
	Like, I'm going to face fuck you.
	You're going to be my bitch.
	It hasn't aged well.
	And now you just sound like an angry homosexual.
	And Zoomers and millennials, they're like, you're going to what?
	Now I don't even matter.
	Now I like you because you're gay.
	So now he's like, oh, sorry, Michael.
	I didn't know you were gay.
	You're cool now.
	Gap Michael, support the great Mike Tyson.
	Yeah, you left out a certain word.
	Look at that short little Communist.
	You can tell he has a commie podcast.
	Communists want short people want communism because it's a grand equalizer.
	So chicks will have to fuck you.
	You'll have to have friends.
	What a cavalcade of clowns.
	Hey, now that he's not getting into the corner, he's not like a summer.
	Cough
	Speaking of homosexuality, Dylan Mulvaney's ramping it up, dude.
	He's ramping it up.
	He is now the face of Nike.
	Nike.
	In Canada, we used to say Nike.
	And we say Huskerdoo.
	I think you say Huskerdoo in America.
	And Nike, right?
	I say Nike, but I say Huskerdoo because I only know of it from you.
	Ah, well, you're learning about it.
	Do you also say Uz and women?
	No.
	And buried.
	And Dr. Zeus.
	What is it?
	Well, he wrote all the coloring books with all those books with Lightning Bolt.
	Dr. Zeus.
	It's Zeus.
	Oh, it's Zeus?
	It's Zeus.
	That's Zeus.
	Do you ever get a massage by a Meseus?
	That's where she uses electricity.
	These lightning bolts are going to really come.
	Trust me, it's good in the long run.
	No, don't go back to me.
	I want to see the video.
	The great thing about Dylan, by the way, is that he doesn't do any work.
	By the way, let me just make something clear about Dylan Mulvaney.
	He doesn't think he's coming across as a woman.
	He's just fucking around.
	And the right, for the most part, doesn't really get it.
	They don't get that this is all a dumb game.
	Stop, stop.
	Stop.
	This is a dumb game.
	He's like an artist, really.
	It's almost like Yay's anti-Semitism.
	It's just like a dumb show.
	I think the women who put these things out and pay him, these marketing women, they don't get the joke.
	They're doing it to say, fuck you, conservatives.
	Conservatives are going, fuck you.
	Well, fuck you, too.
	Dylan, meanwhile, is just like, I'm doing a silly dance and everyone's fighting and I'm getting tons of attention.
	That's how deep it is.
	There's zero depth to Dylan Mulvaney.
	Anyway, sorry.
	Look how half-assed this ad is he did for Nike, who spends millions of dollars on their ads.
	Turn it up.
	I'm actually kind of liking him now.
	Because it's such a good parody of it.
	It's almost punk rock.
	That you infiltrated.
	He's like a perfect mockery of everything on the left.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's your team.
	He's just an idiot.
	Turn it up.
	Yeah, high knees.
	You're showing your cards that you don't deserve this.
	Right?
	Yeah, like I don't even know how to watch out.
	I'm a lazy sord.
	I'm a lazy sid.
	Look, I cut my face up.
	Fuck off.
	It's all a joke.
	Life's a fucking joke.
	Nike angers feminists after choosing controversial trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney as the new face of its women's sports bra days after Bud Light was slammed for putting her on.
	I have been through this with so many motherfucking people.
	I'm going to have an aneurysm.
	Yo, you're not joining the boycott?
	Guys, I am toxic.
	I am brand death.
	So yes, I think you should boycott Amheiser-Busch for this bullshit.
	I am doing the opposite.
	And so are Proud Boys.
	Nike is now the official shoe of Proud Boys.
	Fuck that.
	They're gay.
	I don't want to.
	Yeah.
	How can you not get this concept?
	If I, look what we did to Fred Perry.
	Fred Perry's over.
	It was big in the 50s.
	It's done.
	So if Gavin McInnes, Proud Boys, Nick Fuentes, anyone else who's known as evil endorses your product, it's bad for the product.
	As far as sales go, I drink about five a day.
	That's five bucks a day.
	Profits are probably, I don't know, one buck?
	I hear they overbrew their beer.
	So let's say I give them one buck a day.
	It's not that important.
	What's important is that Nike and Bud Light are associated with Proud Boys and Gavin.
	Okay.
	Got it?
	Explain Pit Vipers.
	What?
	Pit Vipers?
	Pit Vipers.
	Baked Alaska.
	Right.
	That's part of their identity now.
	That they are the alt-right sunglasses.
	And they keep taking Baked Alaska's money and giving it to charity.
	Like, no, it's over, dude.
	Hey, Pit Vipers, you lost.
	You lost.
	Yeah, those are the fucking...
	Baked glasses.
	And he's out, by the way.
	Oh, really?
	He's already done his time?
	Yeah, a couple, like, maybe two weeks ago.
	I like baked Alaska, but he's one of the most fragile people I've ever met.
	Oh, because of that prank?
	We met these Christian dudes when I was with Milo.
	Yeah, we were doing, what were we doing down there?
	Oh, we went to the gay shooting the day after and said, fuck Islam, and kissed.
	Pulse nightclub?
	Who the fuck is this?
	Eviameni, what are you talking about?
	Steve?
	I love you.
	I thought you looked familiar.
	What are you talking about?
	And then these Christians saw we were there and they knew what we were there for.
	And so they did a group prayer around us.
	They held hands and did a group prayer.
	And Milo and I were like, that's a nice gesture.
	Appreciate it.
	Thank you.
	Dude, Baked was bawling his eyes out.
	Oh, like emotionally, he was emotionally touched.
	Yeah.
	And then the other, I know the story you're talking about where my brother at a WestFest, for no reason, said, dude, you just got, some dude with a hypodermic needle just walked by and poked you.
	And he's like, what?
	Yeah, what does that mean?
	It got AIDS in it?
	Why would you do that?
	Did you feel it?
	He goes, no.
	When?
	He's gone now.
	It was.
	What a weird thing to do.
	That was very cruel of my brother.
	My brother's not a nice guy.
	But how did he detect that?
	I'm sorry.
	Hey, did he detect that he'd be the kind of guy that would fall for that?
	Like, nobody would fall for that, right?
	How did he know that baked would be like one of like gone better?
	It was perfect.
	He was lying.
	He was begging my brother to admit he was lying.
	No, he said, please.
	He said, dude, he said, the last game pressing.
	He's like, dude, dude, no, please, please.
	That didn't happen, right?
	Please?
	He's like, I can't take back what happened no matter how much you say, please.
	We were eating dinner and then it came up.
	He was like, but no, he, like, this was an hour and a half afterwards.
	He was like, so you saw it?
	He wouldn't stop.
	It's like he got stabbed.
	I think my brother got bored of the prank, too.
	He's like, I'm just lying, dude.
	Calm down.
	Stop crying.
	Purpleworks pre-workout.
	It's the pre-workout I use.
	By the way, Ryan, we got a letter.
	The prickles in my hands are not what you say it is.
	It's something else.
	I think it's, I mean, I've gotten, I've used beta-alanine.
	It gives you the prickles.
	It's known to do that.
	Oops.
	I know, but you just guess stuff, and then you present it.
	That's a fact.
	I'll look it up.
	Beta-alanine tingles.
	Someone wrote in and said the tingles are not from beta-alanine.
	They're from blah, blah, blah.
	I don't know anything about this shit.
	Here we go.
	I got plenty of beta.
	Is that what it's called?
	And I've beta-alanine, yeah.
	I've taken this.
	There's articles written about this.
	By the way, the thing we're arguing about right now is...
	What's alanine?
	A-L-I-N?
	What causes beta-alanine itch and how to treat it?
	It causes itching, yeah, and you feel tingly.
	Alanine?
	I have an article right here.
	Why does beta-alanine make me tingle?
	It's one of the most useful, used in professional comment commended supplements and to athletes and to professionals to enhance the capacity of exercise and train.
	It has a dip of it.
	A-L-A-N-I-N-E.
	Yes.
	A-L-A-N.
	It's on the screen here, yep.
	A-L-A-N-I-N-E.
	The tingle feeling.
	Once again, Ryan is a moron.
	The prickle feeling you are getting from Purple Workout is niacin, not beta-alanine.
	Oh, niacin also does that, yes.
	But beta-alanine does that too.
	Okay.
	There's articles.
	All right.
	Everybody knows it.
	It's a combo of I'm not accusing you of that, right?
	Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
	But that email is, and I don't know.
	You remember World Peace 2, the CEO sketch?
	You might not remember it, but Eric Hayden did it, and he was like the boss, and he's like eating niacin pills.
	It makes you red, and it makes you tingle and itch.
	Okay, talk to him about that.
	What I've noticed, by the way, so I get the tingles from Purple Works, and then I do my workout.
	I got this second wind halfway through the workout.
	I take it half an hour before I work out, and then the prickles go away.
	Yes.
	And if I don't work out, the prickles remain.
	That's correct.
	You know what my wife told me?
	She said there's a new thing called dry shots where ravers are doing a shot of pre-workout and then washing it down with, I don't know what.
	Dry scooping.
	Dry scooping, that's it.
	And then they go rave.
	That's fucked up.
	That's not recommended.
	And if you sit still, you will, like you said, you'll be like, I need to get up and start.
	Like, it'll take you to the next one.
	Do not take this if you're not going to work out this scoop.
	If you're on a plane, that's annoying.
	That's a bad idea.
	Imagine being on a plane taking a scoop.
	Well, I told you, I do not do an entire scoop.
	I think I'm very sensitive to anything in the speedy.
	Like, I remember when I would try Adderall, I'd only do like a quarter of a pill.
	Oh, yeah.
	That'll do it.
	I couldn't imagine doing that.
	And then even then, I'd do it at 7 a.m.
	And even then at 11 p.m., I'd have trouble getting to bed or midnight.
	Anyway, the Purple Works Pink Lemonade Pre-Workout enhances your strength, energy, and focus to get you ready for even the most strenuous workouts you have planned.
	Their products are made in the good old USA, and unlike a few other pre-workout companies who sometimes operate in a Wild, Wild West scenario, Purple Works Nutrition's Pink Lemonade Pre-Workout is manufactured in an FDA-registered facility that is also GMP certified.
	Purple Works not only enhances today's workout, but bolsters tomorrow's as well.
	Each scoop contains vitamins to aid in and support immune health, muscle, and tissue repair.
	There are no artificial dyes or sweeteners and no preservatives.
	It's an expertly crafted blend of high-quality creatine, caffeine, carnicin, beta-alanine, and more.
	So he didn't mention niacin.
	Well, it seems like this writer might be wrong.
	Simply add 8 to 10 ounces of water in your shaker, which they also sell for a great low price, and you are ready to hit the gym and get your day started.
	Check them out at purpleworksnutrition.com and enter promo code GAVIN for 15% off.
	The promo code will work now and will continue to work in the future if this ends up being the pre-workout you rely on.
	And this probably isn't good to say, but I don't do pre-workout every day.
	I work out every day, but I like to like, sometimes I'll do coffee, sometimes I'll do nothing.
	I think you should mix it up.
	Absolutely.
	I totally agree.
	All right, let's jump over to some proud boys.
	Our kind.
	Let's do that probably right now.
	Cadai.
	Stand back.
	Stand by.
	Proud boys boys.
	Proud boys.
	Somebody's got to do something about Antifa and the left.
	Antifa is an idea, not an organization.
	You got it.
	Not Melissa.
	I want to stand back and stand by.
	Stand by.
	Stand by.
	and we You've got to add Bud Light and Nike to that montage now.
	Oh, shit.
	That's got to be done.
	Okay, I haven't been covering the trial because that could be an entire show.
	Julie Kelly is the best one.
	There's some other law dude who live tweets the trial, but Julie Kelly is the top expert.
	Excuse me.
	I'm sorry.
	If I covered this trial the way it should be covered, it would honestly be an hour a day.
	For example, go to 2-2.
	They've now discovered 4T.
	Now, are they agents?
	No.
	Undercover informants.
	So again, I've said this a million times.
	My understanding is you find a proud boy, you catch him doing something wrong like Coke or whatever.
	You go, look, you can go to jail for six years or you can be an informant.
	The guy says, always choose his informant.
	And then he doesn't have anything to inform.
	But what I find relevant about this filing is if there were so many FBI operatives, we'll call them, within the club, then there's two possibilities here.
	Either they had no plan for the January 6th insurrection.
	I almost said resurrection.
	Either there was no plan for Jan 6, in which case let Joe Biggs and Zach and Ethan free.
	Or option two, you knew about the plan and let it happen anyway, in which case the FBI is complicit In treason, which is also pretty bad, and should also, by the way, lead to a mistrial and get those guys out of jail.
	So, which is it?
	Help me out here.
	Go back to the thing.
	No, what Julie says about it?
	Like, this threat alone would take up a half hour of the show.
	Defense writes that DOJ just recently disclosed involvement of undercover officers/slash informants from other agencies asides from FBI, DC Metro Police, and DHS.
	At least 40 undercover informants.
	Like, 40 is a massive chapter.
	I don't think I've been to a meetup with Proud Boys where there was more than 40 guys.
	There was the one in New York City, which doesn't exist anymore, as far as Proud Boys go, after Ethan Nordine delivered that knockout punch.
	Remember that?
	Were you there for that?
	There was 100 dudes there.
	I don't think it was there.
	It was shoulder to shoulder.
	And I don't like that.
	They always say you're trying to recruit.
	Recruit?
	No, don't recruit.
	You don't want a good...
	And you can make jokes and hang out with each other.
	I've been told I'm testifying, by the way, at the trial.
	What?
	And you know what that's going to be?
	It's going to be the same as Max and John.
	They're going to go through thousands of hours and have me saying, like, fuck shit up.
	Like the one they love is Choke a Tranny.
	I'll probably take that out of context.
	And the context is Antifa were going up to Trump supporters, spitting in their faces.
	I wasn't there for this or I would have done something.
	And then saying, I'm a woman, you can't hit me.
	And the fucking idiots who were being spat on were complying and just going, security, with spit on their face.
	Security!
	Security!
	We need to get back to that dude with the pit bull.
	Or without the pit bull, I should say.
	So that's a doozy.
	Dave Portnoy was called a proud boy.
	I guess it's an adjective now.
	It just means Nazi to dumb people.
	Is there a time code on that?
	Well, you can tell on the right where they are.
	He literally can't take your eyes off him.
	Is Vega Ramir, though?
	I love Dave Portnoy.
	I love seeing entrepreneurs be successful.
	Mayer, also, he went into the booth for the Yankees game and he called it Yankee Pisces.
	It's crazy that they're that rich and that's the way it sounds.
	You can't get lavs.
	I'll buy your lavs.
	The guy's got a lav on it.
	It's just they're using the M audio, I think, for him.
	For everybody.
	It's so echoey.
	Crazy.
	Ted Kenny, Sammy Sousa, and like he had all the rock, like Minnie Maguire.
	It is.
	Your lav is weighing your shirt down and it looks sloppy.
	Dan, before we sat, I'm going to have to put you in a box during this.
	Your ace, Marcus.
	Oh, yeah, man.
	Okay, so yeah, I was wondering if he was the worst guy on the planet.
	Quint listen.
	Quint listen.
	Quint is.
	I don't even care about that.
	He, it's crazy.
	He calls, he just, if you say anything, calls you a Nazi.
	He pitched well yesterday, and I want him to pitch well for the Cubs.
	But what I would say is, if you think that you are that guy, send that tweet before you pitch.
	Because you wait until he pitched.
	You wait until the end.
	Wait, the picture of the Cubs called Dave Portnoy a proud boy?
	Like a real, like, bona fide number one ace would say, would try to put you in a box and then go out and show him.
	But yeah, I'm rooting for him.
	Listen, and I don't mind going back and forth.
	I actually asked some people like he's in here.
	He kept responding to it.
	So if you missed it, I did a three-team parlay baseball, and basically he and Kevin.
	And first of all, and one of the things I'm going to defend KFC, I don't like KFC, but KFC is like, I don't know what the fuck they're talking about.
	If you have enough trouble following the Mets, what's KFC?
	It's that guy with always the worst takes.
	Okay.
	because you're a proud boy.
	Now, I googled what...
	He's like, that's because you're a proud boy.
	Now, I googled what proud boy actually means because I wasn't even sure.
	I think it means you're a Nazi.
	That is pretty much you're calling somebody a Nazi.
	So Kevin's like, I don't like the WBC.
	You're a Nazi.
	So I just threw the Brewers in and someone's like, don't bet against the Cubs on open dance.
	It's like, well, I don't like Strongman.
	He's a little baby.
	He called me a proud boy.
	He's like, how's that, proud boy, you soft little.
	So fun.
	It's like, why do you call everybody?
	Wait, go back.
	It's like, what proud boy?
	Marcus Struman.
	Bad bet, you strongman.
	Privileged little petty, weak, soft, proud boy.
	What a weird insult.
	I think you misspelled hardworking entrepreneurial maniacal name.
	Manchild, petty, yes.
	So Marcus Strowman is a picture for the Cubs, I guess.
	Oh, you soft little.
	Right, keep going, keep going.
	What I just, if someone, if you disagree, they're a Nazi.
	I guess so.
	I am taking the stance because, you know, everyone has to do this sometimes when you have a team you love and a player that maybe you don't love.
	I'm just pretending his Twitter doesn't exist.
	All right, that's enough of that.
	I'm just pretending.
	They think it means like good old boy.
	Like, oh, you must be a proud boy.
	No, it means you're a Nazi.
	And that's, like, I can't fix that.
	I used to spend thousands of dollars suing people, and it's just like, did that change anything?
	You have to send out a lawyer letter every day.
	What am I going to do?
	Sue Marcus Strowman?
	Here's Giannis Pappas getting it powerfully wrong.
	Promo code Fumes.
	And they call themselves the Proud Boys.
	Part of it is fashion.
	It's cool.
	It gives them something to do.
	And it's just humans are stupid, man.
	When can we just say this is stupid?
	Why?
	This guy has no insight that in a couple of years he's going to look back at this the way I look back at my haircut in eighth grade.
	It looked like someone stuck a bowl over my head and cut the sides.
	Being the chairman of the Proud Boys was the greatest moment in Enrique's life, and he will always look back at that as his peak.
	Yeah, it's a vehicle for your patrons.
	I do not know that.
	Look at him.
	You know how much pussy this guy was getting?
	For a son.
	You know why, by the way, Giannis is saying this?
	Because a black guy is the head of a white supremacist organization.
	So again, when people get information that contradicts their beliefs, they become more steadfast in those beliefs.
	So this dummy assumes that Enrique's dumb and he's just a member of...
	Unfortunately, this kid is 40-something.
	And look at him.
	Yeah, so maybe you're wrong.
	He thinks people only do things for fashion, and then they could look back and be like, I was such an idiot.
	He's a Cuban, okay?
	He doesn't like Marxism.
	It destroyed his family.
	He escaped a socialist tyrannical shithole.
	And like all Cubans in Miami, he fucking hates Marxism.
	Could that be what's driving him?
	Not white supremacy?
	Is that possible?
	What a moron.
	You'll notice, by the way, stupid people say stupid a lot.
	Stupid.
	You're so stupid.
	I mean, why does he look like Tom Cruise on his way to a jet in the movie?
	He's got a vest on.
	Top Gun?
	Top Gun, the coolest movie in the world?
	Gear on.
	He's got gear on because he's been stabbed multiple times, moron.
	And then he goes back to a split ranch home wearing that.
	That's not true.
	And his mom goes...
	His mom, he's 47.
	He has kids.
	How is your night out?
	And he goes, pretty good.
	You know, me and the fellas are preparing for civil war.
	And she's going, what?
	I can't hear you anyway.
	What do you want for dinner?
	What strawman comedy is this?
	I can't even be offended by this.
	This 47-year-old goes home to his mother?
	Is his mother even alive?
	I don't know.
	This is so off the mark, it's almost like I don't think he's talking about the right thing.
	They put the wrong graphic character and then talk about what a loser that character is.
	This guy can eat.
	He's got a home.
	He's got a roof over his head.
	People have roofs over there.
	They have homes.
	The problem is people don't know how lucky they are because they don't deserve any of that.
	We're all just living on the backs of smart people, genius people, who can build stuff, created stuff, gave us electricity.
	We're also on the backs of people that created a revolution where we're getting fucked with by Britain and shit.
	Yeah.
	And also, those geniuses can design all the buildings they want.
	They need working class people to build them.
	So what are you talking about?
	What is he?
	Pro-elites?
	This is what we do with it.
	It's a waste.
	Fight to save America and the Western world.
	This is what we do with it.
	Try to prevent kids from getting stripped in front of.
	That's what we waste our freedom on.
	What are you guys having awesome parties in Vegas and all over the world and having camaraderie and a brotherhood that you guys could rely on each other when the world says you're a fucking outcast and you can't be afraid of it?
	You're wasting your time trying to maintain the Constitution and save America from itself.
	Why don't you just laugh at stuff like me?
	Yeah.
	Come on.
	Why don't you do a podcast where you get everything completely wrong?
	Why don't you dress like a chick, like a Latina chick, and try to make people laughies?
	Have a little laughy-waffy.
	A post.
	Which we also do, but we also.
	I can't see it.
	Because he's behind the camera.
	It's just the Foley black shirt.
	It's just that L.A. Ricky Gervais thing.
	Yeah, they love no-branded shit.
	Like Joaquim Phoenix in that black hoodie.
	And then if you looked at what's his face, Michael Rappaport, no-brand hat, no brand hat.
	What's around his neck?
	Is that a silver chain?
	A little silver chain for the guy.
	He could use gold.
	I think his skin tone has reached the gold.
	Silver is for pussies.
	Oof, you heard it here, folks.
	Anyway, keep going.
	My father-in-law's neighbor, who's a doctor, and his son is a brain surgeon, and he had to have a tumor removed from his head, right?
	And then he had to do like 23 hours straight of surgery because doctors are on call like that.
	So you're saying that Enrique is not as good as a genius brain surgeon who works 24-hour shifts?
	Okay.
	Driving home.
	Point taken?
	Yeah.
	Are you changing your strokes?
	Okay, you think you're smart?
	My friend's brother's father-in-law's neighbor did brain surgery for 23 hours.
	That was literally exactly that.
	Okay, I'm definitely not as smart as that guy.
	What's your point?
	Nor is any of your audience, P.S. Yeah.
	They're not listening to this in the opera.
	Meanwhile, the dumbest person that we've seen here, including this guy, this guy, and Enrique, is this guy.
	He's dumber than you, Ryan.
	You don't think he puts his scrubs on after the Annus Poppa show?
	Like, give his family and his kid breakfast.
	He got into a car.
	Okay, enough.
	Enough.
	I get it.
	He's great.
	Shut the fuck up, you moron.
	I used to like that guy.
	What the fuck?
	He's always been a douche.
	For real?
	Yeah.
	Damn it.
	I think I was on Red Eye with him once.
	Anyway, Proud Boys on Joe Rogan25.
	You got to go find that email.
	Oh, shit.
	I heard Joe Rogan saying that there's more feds in Proud Boys than there are Proud Boys.
	For the record, Joe, I've said this before.
	There's 5,000 Proud Boys around the world, even in that crazy Julie Kelly scenario where they were injected into the club possibly because of the plans for Jan 6.
	We got 40.
	So ridiculous amount, don't get me wrong.
	That's fucking toxic.
	But it's not more than the members.
	I think he's getting from an article that said there was more FBI-linked Proud Boys than there were non-FBI-linked Proud Boys in the Capitol.
	So it's a matter of like seven versus eight.
	Anyway, people at LA are not known for their facts.
	50, 20, and I have to get it on, hold on one second.
	Nudes.
	I mean, the FBI, Haas's rescue teams are great guys.
	But it was likely told and communicated through some kind of agreement between Facebook and the FBI where they say, hey, here's the blacklist.
	And I can't prove this, but this is Kyle thinks the same thing.
	Here's the blacklist.
	Blacklist all these guys and all these organizations because they're potentially extremist.
	I mean, the three percenters, the Proud Boys, who we are not any of those, we are lumped up in the same exact list as that.
	And it said, these guys have a low history of violence.
	And I'm like, what the fuck does low history of violence mean?
	That's it.
	That was a waste of time.
	It should be zero.
	It's a low.
	So, Proud Boys are blacklisted on Facebook.
	We're aware of that.
	Did Joe Rogan do the mandatory thing where he's like, You know how it was started, man?
	You know how I got these scars?
	Gavin.
	Kurt Metzger, 1810.
	This better be better.
	Damn, it's got to be in black and white.
	Now, Kurt Metzger, I know.
	So if he stabs us in the back, I'll be shocked because he's smart.
	He's been canceled.
	Oh, he's got the comedian t-shirt.
	This looks pretty good for 1810.
	Wow.
	For Ginsburg.
	No, no, it's 18-10 minutes in.
	They didn't do these vid casts in 1810.
	They didn't even do them in 2010.
	They didn't.
	Okay, yeah, I was thinking that makes sense.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Cleaned up his thing at the end.
	I did put that part in that.
	Why is Gavin on there as the...
	So that picture that they have at the end where it shows Gavin McGinnis and the Proud Boys as the bad.
	Here's the terrorism they were engaged in.
	They were at Berkeley doing the speech Hand Coulter was going to do, but they said she couldn't come.
	So that's, like, how is that as the antithesis of George Carlin?
	Like, we wouldn't even be in this position without all the censorship that George Carlin hated.
	So it's a little bizarre.
	That's all I think.
	Yeah, that's what he's saying.
	You know what he's talking about?
	That's valid.
	That's a while ago now.
	That was.
	Oh, I used to know that guy.
	Wait, is that the guy from Comedy Bang Bang?
	Yeah, I think so.
	Oh, my God.
	He got old.
	What the?
	No, that's not the guy from Comedy Bang Bang.
	Oh, shit.
	Is it?
	If it's it's it?
	It looks exactly.
	Well, zoom out.
	What are the, what is the.
	George Carlin?
	Kurt Metzger, Wayne Fetterman.
	Wayne Fetterman.
	Yeah, that's not him.
	Okay, cool.
	But Paul...
	And then the picture uses, well, because it's a bunch of pictures.
	It's a weird documentary.
	It's just a PowerPoint presentation.
	And the picture is me at Berkeley going like this.
	And the reason I was there is because Ann Coulter had a speech.
	She was banned.
	So I said, Ann, give me the speech.
	I'll fly down there and I'll just say it on the grounds, like with a bullhorn.
	That speech has to be made at Berkeley.
	And the reason I was able to do that, despite being mobbed, is Proud Boys showed up and surrounded me.
	So I was able to do the speech.
	And Judd Appetow used that as an example of fascism and tyranny and how free speech will be shut down.
	It's actually so inaccurate that it ends up doubling back on itself, and it does make a point.
	It's not what he was intending to do, but yeah, I was the victim of censorship.
	But jump ahead, Ryan to Ann Coulter on the Proud Boys 28.
	Well, you just saw a little bit of Antifa at my Berkeley speech a couple of years ago.
	You didn't hear about it because the speech ended up going off without a hitch thanks to the Bay Area Proud Boys.
	That's why the Proud Boys have had to be destroyed.
	But there were about, according to the police, about 5,000 Antifa.
	2,000 at one end of the day.
	There we go.
	About 2,000.
	No one ever interviews Ann when they're talking about the Proud Boys or Michelle Malkin, people they have saved from attacks.
	And even Rogan, his whole thing, like, man, you can't call for violence, man.
	Dude, I didn't call for violence.
	I called for defense.
	You got to understand the violent situation that Proud Boys was born into.
	It's a reaction to Antifa violence.
	They don't go looking for fights.
	They don't start fights.
	They finish them.
	Here's Dave Lando talking about it.
	I think 3043, it says.
	What's going on, Dave Lando and Steven Crowder?
	I'd love to get that gossip.
	Oh, that's unavailable, Evid.
	Fuck.
	Oh, really?
	How do I find that?
	Where's where on?
	I don't know.
	Anyway, Dave Lando was talking about the club and said they're cool, and he doesn't get the racism thing.
	He's met them.
	They're multicultural.
	He said there's more blacks and Hispanics than there are in the normal population.
	He was probably in the LA or the New York chapter.
	Let me see.
	Wait, did they find it?
	Proud Boys and Other Evil Movements with Dave Lando.
	White nationalists, anti-Semites, and Proud Boys.
	That's a lot of health.
	They've just gotten themselves into that list.
	I feel like the random.
	Yeah, I feel like the random.
	The random reader wouldn't even know what that is.
	Wasn't it based off a song that they thought sounded gay?
	I don't know.
	That's what I thought it was.
	Sort of some song, and he thought it sounded gay, so he called them Proud Boys.
	But that's like a person who lives in that world.
	He's like, Proud boys.
	If you just said that to a person in a supermarket, they'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about?
	Get away from me.
	You know, the fascists, the Nazis, the commies, and the proud boys.
	And the society.
	All of the great evil movements of the 20th century.
	Killers, rapists, Lady Gaga's little monsters.
	Funny enough.
	And other assorted groups.
	Hitler, Stalin, McGinnis.
	Clown posse.
	Clown?
	The insane clown posse turned on Proud Boys.
	Who's that, Shane Gillis?
	Oh, Andy, no.
	Hi.
	Hey, Andy, I appreciate your bravery and everything, but you make me want to take a nap.
	And I mean that in the nicest way.
	You're so soothing.
	Well, maybe you should take some beta-alanine purple workout.
	Okay.
	What should I take that with?
	A milkshake?
	That's not very funny, Gavin.
	Why do you give kill lists to Adam Waffen?
	I don't do that.
	That's not.
	Yes, you do.
	You dox anti-fascist protesters, and then hitmen from various nationalist groups use it as a to-do list, and then they go kill Antifa.
	Okay, you're really going to want to do that with me?
	Come on, Gavin.
	That's so pedestrian.
	Andy knows one of those guys that doesn't like me, and I like him.
	I like a lot of people that don't like me.
	Okay, we'll wrap this up now.
	We've got two more.
	I really want to get to this Isaac Ferguson dude, even though we're way past our bedtime here.
	I like this, this gay dude.
	He's such a fucking loser.
	And homophobia creeps in when I look at this guy.
	And I think maybe they are weaker than us.
	Maybe they are constantly dealing with mental trauma because they're weird.
	And you wonder why I don't like you.
	Let me know too.
	Okay, please be nice to me.
	Wait, stop, stop.
	So, this is called Immature Baby.
	And the show is this dude who interviews losers about their financial problems and tries to fix them.
	They're usually unfixable.
	Most things are.
	Like, you know, all those bar rescue and those places end up bankrupt like a month after Gordon Ramsey or John Taffer, what's his name?
	Yeah.
	A month after they leave.
	Like, your restaurant sucks because you suck.
	It's not that you didn't have a nice enough sign or you should have had trivia night.
	You just suck.
	So this guy is trying to help people sort out their financial lives.
	Pretty successful YouTube channel.
	And this is some weird, sad homosexual who lives with his parents.
	And he goes, just work harder and stop going out to eat, which is basically what he says to everyone.
	And this guy is like, I've had it really rough.
	And I don't think me going out to eat is the problem.
	And he goes, it is.
	And then he just said, well, look, email the show.
	Email this guy if you think that not going out to eat is going to solve his problems.
	And he goes, yeah, I can take it.
	Email me.
	And then he's about to tell you how tough he is.
	Please be nice to him.
	Yeah.
	I'd be happy to hear from everyone.
	Sincerely.
	I've gotten hate mail.
	I've gotten threats from the Proud Boys and neo-Nazi ganks.
	I have been through so much.
	That's just like what they were talking about with Luis Gomez.
	What are they called?
	The Fabulous Rodents?
	The Skanks?
	Oh, yeah.
	Legion of Skanks.
	I misremembered Legion of Skanks as the Fabulous Rodents.
	That's so AI of me.
	That is.
	But they're saying the same thing.
	Now it's just in a list.
	Like 3%ers, Oath Keepers, Nazis, Proud Boys.
	It's just like the thing.
	And not only is it a straw man in that sense, where they go, these guys, they come home to their mommy and they pretend that they're saving the world, but it's also used as a straw man to say, like, sorry, I'm late.
	I was attacked by the Proud Boys.
	Look up this email, local bookstore.
	Well, first of all, I will say I'm a proud boy also.
	And I do threaten him that if I find his address, I'm going to go to it with a toothbrush and some fluoride.
	I'm going to clean up those big old yellow corn teeth.
	Go ahead.
	Okay.
	We have a bookstore here in Riverside, California that borders on parody.
	They watched the feminist bookstore sketches on Portlandia as guidelines for their business model.
	By the way, that feminist bookstore that is in Portlandia hates Portlandia and Fred, and they're all banned because they finally caught on that they were being ridiculed.
	So they can't shoot that show and that sketch anymore.
	Not that Portlandia is still on.
	This is the only business in all of Riverside that requires you to mask up.
	Here's the TLDR version.
	This ghoulish woman was on a month-to-month lease.
	Why don't you pull up the picture?
	The property owner told her to get out by the end of March with seven other tenants in this shopping center.
	These businesses clearly do not generate revenue.
	The property owner seems to be condensing this basis for a new lease agreement.
	Gotcha.
	Normal business.
	This woman blames her eviction as a bigoted harassment attempt.
	She has hosted Drag Queen Story Hour and is convinced it's a retaliation.
	Remember, seven others are also being evicted.
	She mentions that someone put a Proud Boy sticker on her door as a sign of what's to come without showing any proof.
	Yeah, you'd think she'd take a picture of it, right?
	She has riled up her sycophants to attack the property manager through any digital channel they can and has lied that she only has four weeks to vacate when she has 10.
	Also, look how formatted this memo.
	Look how she formatted this memo.
	White with a lilac background.
	What an incompetent bitch.
	These people, oh my God, that reminds me.
	I don't know if you're going to find this as funny as I did, but Larry Barnes at the gym.
	He was talking about this guy's ex-girlfriend who ruined his life, the guy's life.
	And he goes, he hated her from day one.
	So Larry clocked her.
	He knew that she was going to be a trouble, and he knew the guy was being a sucker.
	He was being taken.
	But he goes, he said the line, I'm sorry, but that bitch was a bit of a pig.
	I fucking fell down.
	Like, wait, have I already said this before?
	No.
	Like, to put the worst word before the other word, bitch, before pig?
	That is hilarious.
	No.
	And apologizing?
	That cunt is a dum-dum.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You got to imagine a little black man from the hood saying, I'm sorry, but that bitch was a bit of a pig.
	A bit of a.
	I wouldn't say she's a full-out pig.
	I'm not a monster.
	These people are out of their minds.
	They think Riverside County is a hard-right bastion for Proud Boys.
	They are having an event to combat this hate.
	And worst of all, my ex-girlfriend is attending.
	I dodged a bullet there.
	This whole event feels like a microcosm of leftism in general.
	These people are ready to spend their time fighting the assumption of injustice, fucking hearsay about Proud Boys when presented with the fact that seven other businesses are also closing.
	And then here we have their flyer that Ryan just showed.
	And they want you to know, again, guys, allow me to be sexist.
	This is woman in the workforce.
	Very hard to read.
	We also, we, oh my lovely, amazing, beautiful, I hate the word community.
	It's always used to refer to people that are not a community.
	We love, we so love you and all that we have created together here at Cellar Door.
	Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	We're looking for a new home wherever we, all our people.
	So she doesn't mention Proud Boys in this.
	Our voices will be heard with much, much love and a healthy heap of rage.
	Linda and the Cellar Door staff.
	Aww.
	All right.
	I've been meaning to get to this the entire show.
	Homosexuality and bookstores are the perfect segue to this dude who is called Isaac Ferguson.
	What's his name?
	Go to 3-1.
	Isaac Fitzgerald.
	So he wrote this book called Dirtbag, Massachusetts.
	It's sort of like five easy pieces, but without the exciting bits.
	And he's a very effeminate homo who dresses like me because I guess, I don't know, he thinks I'm cool.
	Look, he's all about tattoos.
	He's got his hand tattoos and his neck tattoos.
	Those are all his tattoos, by the way.
	And that's from the flashbook at any sort of like tattoo party.
	Right.
	When you go through the binder.
	You know, when homos do that, they're being like, I'm a thug.
	Right?
	But they're not.
	And so this LARPing as a tough guy is now his autobiography, a collection of essays from me, a total dirtbag.
	And then you, like, look at him talk.
	Look up Isaac Ferguson, Fitzgerald, sorry, on The Today Show.
	Did I not include that?
	Yeah, go to 340.
	We're back.
	It's 851 with Read More Today and something.
	She got finger tattoos?
	She needs a finger tattoo.
	No, it's for the...
	Oh, I see.
	For years, our viewers have watched Isaac Fitzgerald.
	He recommends books, and as Carson says, he makes non-readers want to read.
	Ew, what the fuck is the little hair doing there?
	Holy smokes.
	He recommends books.
	He went to My Barber.
	They'll be happy to hear.
	After this, that fag is a bit of a queer.
	He not only recommends books, he writes them.
	And this project has people talking.
	It is raw.
	It is a revealing memoir.
	It's called Dirtbag, Massachusetts.
	It's all about the many lives he's lived to become the man we all know and love.
	Hi, Isaac.
	Hi, Hoda.
	Thank you so much for having me on.
	I am good to see you.
	I am good.
	Okay, so this is a New York Times bestseller.
	Do you know why?
	Because the people who are in charge of the New York Times bestseller list are gay.
	So when a homo farts onto a page, like, perfect, love it.
	Anyway, a large part of the book is all about yours truly.
	So I thought it would be prudent to sit down and read a few pages from this stunning memoir.
	Will you abide by that?
	Will you listen?
	It's going to be a good 25 minutes because that's how long he spends talking about me in this fucking book.
	Let's check it out.
	Stop, panic, stop, drive, crash, die.
	Stop, start, stop, panic, stop, drive, crash, die.
	Dirtbag, Massachusetts by Isaac Fitzgerald.
	The second time I saw Gavin McInnes' dick wasn't my fault.
	It happened when I was getting a haircut and the hungoverly, Chatty Barber, was telling me about his partly professional and occasionally social relationship with McInnes.
	He's taking some liberties here with the word hungover.
	He calls it hungoverly.
	This is common in this book, which is, again, terrible.
	And once you realize that this person is just a raging queen, you go, oh, it's just like a gay guy going.
	And then I was over there and I was freaking out.
	Uh-oh, you might be calling me now.
	I don't, someone in prison.
	See, I am an actual dirtbag.
	I'm not posing like one.
	And then the other liberty here, of course, he's doing the second time first, mixing it up.
	The second time I saw, oh, sorry, blah, blah, blah.
	If you're lucky enough not to know, McInnes is a founder of Vice Magazine and Vice Media whose post-Vice careers involved a lot more speechifying, denying.
	See, you almost have to read this in a gay voice because he makes up all these words.
	Involved a lot of hate, speechifying, denying that said hate, speechifying was meant sincerely and creating a group called the Proud Boys.
	So I have to reread that for you here.
	If you're lucky enough not to know, McInnes is a founder of Vice Magazine Vice Media whose post-Vice career has involved a lot of hate speechifying, denying that said hate speechifying was meant sincerely, and creating a group called the Proud Boys.
	Give you two guesses what they're proud of.
	Apparently, Proud Boys are proud to be white.
	Now, he's gay, so what about the gay Proud Boys?
	Are they gay white supremacists?
	You don't come across those very often.
	And what about the black Proud Boys?
	Are they black white supremacists?
	Like, shouldn't you confront these obvious problems with your theory when you're writing a book?
	Anyway, no, they're just fucking Nazis, you guys.
	Now, Nazis would try to keep the fact that they are Nazis kind of secret, despite it being like 100% obvious.
	That's not, that says that in the book.
	I've never, like, I like David Sedaris, but he doesn't write gay.
	Brady Sinellis doesn't write gay.
	This is the first gay book I've read that's written in gay.
	And it's weird because it's a book about being a fucking badass.
	Yeah, when I was a teenager, we started a fight club.
	Yeah, that's teenagers do.
	They fight.
	one-on-one, all those things, meeting by the baseball diamond at 3:20 after school.
	Yeah, that's not...
	I thought I was fat.
	Okay.
	That's not really dirtbag shit.
	Hey, guys, remember when I was pleasantly plump?
	Oh, man.
	Crazy times.
	Fuck.
	Hand tattoos, of course, because he's a biker.
	Which is like, it's really what bears do, right?
	They dress like badasses and you go, holy fuck, that guy probably built his own motorcycle.
	And he goes, hey, what's going on?
	And you go, whoa, Jesus, whoa.
	Sorry, you've tricked me.
	Now, Nazis who try to keep the fact that they are Nazis kind of.
	Why would Nazis want to do that?
	Show me a Nazi who's like sitting there sweating going, no, I'm normal.
	Look, I'm hanging out with black dudes.
	Nazis are very vocal about being Nazis.
	They don't want to waste anyone's time.
	So if you join the Klan, you better not be a goddamn Jew or a Negro or you're out.
	Obviously.
	They don't want Negroes and Jews showing up to the Klan rally and they're like, dude, what the fuck?
	You said you're not racist.
	I know, I was hiding it, dude.
	Anyway, Nazis kind of like to use two words.
	Okay, here's the two words as Nazis use.
	There's pride, which is invoked whenever they are accused of hate.
	No, they're just proud.
	That's not true.
	The pride comes from being constantly told that we should be ashamed of ourselves because of slavery and Indians, and we're horrible, we've ruined everything, and toxic white masculinity and all that.
	We go, no, actually, not only is it not toxic, but it's awesome.
	And we invented everything you see here.
	This fucking book, the binding.
	That's all dudes.
	And Western dudes.
	So we're not going to apologize for creating the modern world.
	It seems, like, take Occam's razor to the origin of Prowboys, and that's where you end up.
	It's pretty obvious to me.
	No, they're just proud of being white.
	That's the only feeling they have about their whiteness.
	Oh, okay.
	Tell me more about myself, Homo.
	This charade never lasts for any length of time whatsoever.
	It's so catty, isn't it?
	But to be fair, white pride is shorter than everybody else hate.
	Man, this is good.
	Weird.
	It's one thing to rail against straw men.
	It's another thing to fucking bitch slap your straw man.
	Fuck you!
	They also love to talk about humor, as in the left has no sense of...
	He's clearly obsessed with you.
	So the guy is obsessed with me because I'm funny.
	And he was a big fan of do's and don'ts back in the Weiss days.
	So now he has to atone for his sins and say, I don't know what I was doing.
	They also love to talk about humor, as in the left has no sense of.
	Yeah, that's what this is all about, by the way.
	As if they can brute force compel people to laugh at jokes that aren't funny and shame them if they don't.
	Sorry that you're only funny when you fail clownishly.
	Again, with the Lee thing, it's really jarring.
	Which is often, because you know what is fucking funny?
	Naming their, in their words, pro-Western fraternal organization for men who refuse to apologize for creating the modern world, the proud boys, a name that sounds like nothing more than a group of four-year-olds who've cleaned up their toys or gone potty successfully, both major accomplishments in early childhood development of which one should actually be proud.
	There's plenty of groups called the Boys.
	Ever heard of Saturdays for the Boys?
	The Bowery Boys?
	What should you be called, the Proud Men?
	Though the Southern Poverty Law Center has designated the Proud Boys as a hate group, McInnis denies this and has even sued the SBLC for defamation.
	A not-at-all hate groupy thing to do.
	Yeah, it isn't a hate-groupy thing to do.
	What is with all these letter Ys at the end of every fucking word?
	It's really annoying-y.
	So by the time my barber held out his phone to show me a photo that I didn't want to see, we're getting back to the dick, by the way.
	Though I didn't know just how very much I didn't want to see it, I wrote a book about how I don't want to see Gavin's dick.
	You're lucky you haven't seen it.
	I hated seeing it.
	Ew, gross.
	I wish I could delete his gorgeous cock, I mean his disgusting cock from my mind.
	He wrote a book on my cock.
	I'm resting his book on my cock right now.
	My heart was already sinking, sunk, hopelessly submerged.
	He's talking about a penis.
	My penis.
	In the photo, Gavin looked drunk, ew, wearing a robe that hung open like stage curtains to reveal his dick, just chilling there.
	He and I had the same haircut.
	My barber and I had the same haircut.
	It was the worst imaginable version of who wore it best.
	This is like RuPaul levels gay.
	At the same time, I couldn't deny I liked the haircut.
	My dick doesn't have a haircut.
	Did he believe that thing we said on Ant's show about foreskin hairs?
	It looked good on me, but what did it say about me that just by sitting in this chair?
	The guy looks, he dresses exactly like me.
	He's got the tattoos, he's got this cut, the beard.
	He's dressed as me for Halloween.
	But what did it say about me?
	Very me, this book, by the way.
	If you read my book, what's it called again?
	The Death of Cool, you'll notice I'm not talking about myself.
	I'm like, then we went over there and there was this dude there who shit his pants and blah, blah, blah.
	But gays and women, when they write books, especially black women, there's a lot of me, me, me.
	What is Michelle Obama's book?
	Becoming Michelle.
	I can't wait to become Michelle.
	But what did it say about me that just by sitting in this chair, getting this haircut, looking like whatever I looked like, all of a sudden I appeared to be the type of person who'd be really pleased to see a picture of Gavin McInnes, head of the Proud Boys, literally partying with his dick out.
	Long before getting a haircut somehow exposed me to Proud Boy dick, hair had always been fraught for me.
	So now we go on and on about his fucking hair.
	I'm not joking, dude.
	It's pages.
	Arnold Schwartz in your hair.
	This is how I learned how haircuts could be magic.
	This is for women, isn't it?
	How could a dude read this book?
	By the way, when I said my friend's husband, it's a woman, like my female friend's husband.
	So I'm going to email her and be like, dude, your husband's gay.
	If you made it, this is towards the end of the book, too.
	If you made it this far and you're rating that's buck or listening to the audio book, I wonder if he narrates the audio book.
	So anyway, I got that.
	I was like, fuck you.
	E terrible blonde tips.
	So now we're talking about blonde tips.
	Slicked back.
	Getting a trauma haircut is a time-honored way of attempting to reassert control.
	Lots of therapy in here.
	Gays are always going to therapy.
	Maybe that's them knowingly admitting that they're just kind of broken.
	Still going!
	Okay, I think we're back.
	Are we back?
	Finally, there was the guy.
	So this has all been hair.
	Five pages of hair.
	Finally, we're getting back now to my cock.
	Get back to where you once, Petus belong.
	Finally, there was a guy who showed me Gavin McKinnis.
	There was the guy who showed me Gavin McKinnis dick, being the captive audience at the men's evil bullshit parade.
	Every time I sat down for a haircut, sucked.
	What also sucked that I wasn't just sitting and watching the spectacle go by.
	This was their way of holding a hand out, inviting me to jump on the float.
	I felt implicated.
	Let me just tell you what's going on here.
	He's at my old barber shop in Brooklyn.
	And it's a dude spot.
	And they have whiskey there sometimes, and we would tell dirty jokes and stuff and say horrible things like Bill Burr was saying the other day.
	He couldn't help when he was watching something about domestic abuse.
	He couldn't help think, I wonder what were the last thing she said to him before he hit her.
	That's a terrible thing to say.
	It's what guys say.
	And you're obviously, when you talk like that, you're not like a load of bitches deserve to get smugged.
	What you're really saying is there's no girls around here.
	It's like the equivalent of a fart.
	I don't know why I gave fart quotes.
	It's your way of saying, we can relax now.
	And they do it with him, and he's like, oh!
	And he calls it a bullshit parade.
	Yeah, dude.
	That's what hanging with the boys is.
	And you clearly are not a dude.
	This whole book's about being a dirtbag, but he's really just a woman saying, guys are freaking me out.
	One reason these men felt free to talk to me like that was I looked the part, the tattoos, the tight sides.
	I understand that if you took a photo meme and write alt-right poster board underneath it, nobody would blink.
	Because of this, certain people...
	He chose the look to get more male pussy because he looks like a badass.
	And then actual dudes come up to him going, hey man, what's up?
	Fucking, I farted.
	He's like, ew, gross!
	Stay in your lane, fag.
	The thing is, after years of working as a bouncer, I'm not inexperienced with physical altercations, and I'm pretty good at talking drunks down.
	Okay, blah, blah, blah.
	So he's mad at himself for letting sexist jokes go by in a barbershop.
	As he puts it, this politeness is a sickness.
	So it's another gay bummed out that he's weak, basically.
	blah, blah, blah.
	So now he's talking about, Now we're talking about moving from New York, I guess, to San Francisco or something.
	And he comes back to the G again.
	Did I fuck this guy and dump him on an answering machine?
	I don't remember doing that.
	Okay, whole new, it's not a new chapter, but you know, those little blips where they add a graphic and there's a space.
	Recently, I was at a friend's house in LA and mentioned that I was working on this essay.
	This book's just a collection of essays.
	Like, anyone who's had a column could do it.
	I could put this book together.
	I've got fucking 10 years of columns.
	So it's not an accomplishment, is my point.
	Recently, I was at a friend's house in LA and mentioned that I was working on this essay.
	On hearing Gavin McInnes' name, my friend got up and dug around his closet until he emerged with a copy of the 2004 collection, Vice, Do's, and Don'ts, 10 Years of Vice Magazine Street Fashion Critiques, a book I hadn't cracked in over a decade.
	Oh my God.
	I opened it up.
	Over the next hour, I took a trip down a very specific type of memory lane.
	One we might call, what a piece of shit I used to be, as evidenced by the shit I used to find hilarious, wrote.
	That's all hyphenated.
	Then he writes, woo!
	It's not a joke.
	It's not like I don't know what vice, that vice was meant to be edgy.
	It wasn't meant to be edgy.
	Vice was just me being normal and relaxed.
	It's the same with Ann Coulter.
	They always say, does she say that shit just to freak people out?
	I go, no, she talks in public the way we all talk in bars.
	She writes the way we all talk in bars.
	And when people see someone not censoring themselves and making like normal jokes, people go, well, you're just doing that to blow my mind.
	You're doing it to scare me.
	No, I'm just being me, dude.
	And you'd sound the same if you were just you.
	So here is a guy who used to enjoy himself and used to enjoy humor.
	Remember I said earlier that they said, proud boys pretend that we don't get jokes.
	And here he is looking back at something he used to think was funny and going, ah, I can't believe I used to think this was funny.
	It's not.
	It's offensive.
	I'm sorry.
	Then he goes into a whole thing at the end about, you need to grow.
	I didn't know this dude was gay when I first saw this.
	And I'm just, when I first read it, I was like, I don't understand why this person is talking like this.
	And then once you see him like on the Today show, which we just did, you go, oh, you're a queer.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Okay, fine.
	It's sort of like when you see someone dressed really femininely on the street and you go, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay.
	Because you don't want one of us dressing like that.
	Or if you see a guy getting a pedicure, you look at it in the salon as you walk by, you're like, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay.
	That's what you should say when you pick up this book.
	But the book wasn't just sprinkled with a few badly aged jokes here and there.
	It was nothing less than an artifact from another era.
	Over time, cool does one of three things.
	It dies a rapid death.
	Oh, the death of cool.
	That's interesting.
	After which the corpse is interred in the tomb of the permanently uncool, where it remains.
	Or it may die a rapid death and then 20 or 30 years later come back to life and fight its way out of the tomb.
	Rarest of all, it lives forever.
	Rarely, because cool changes fast and changes hard.
	So it was no surprise that the do's and don'ts no longer seemed at all cool to me.
	Why don't you give an example of a joke in the do's and don'ts book, which I highly recommend, and say, I thought this was funny, and then have the joke.
	You wouldn't do that, because I bet you it's funny.
	They sounded more like someone's shitty, horny, drunk dad, that's me, talking over the TV while channel surfing.
	Yeah, that's what humor is.
	That's called good jokes.
	The real surprise?
	After reading the book, I found it wasn't only overtly awful, it also contained more subtle awfulness than I'd remember.
	See, with the awfulness and the awful-y and authletizing than I'd remembered, ultimately making it all the more awful and insidious and damaging.
	I went in expecting a plain old outrageous face full of racism and misogyny and got, dot, dot, dot, well, yeah, a whole boatload of racism and misogyny with much of it cloaked and buried in tempered in ver and tempered in various ways, along with a whole lot of transphobia and fat phobia.
	Which wasn't?
	Wait, what?
	Oh, the transphobia and the fat phobia wasn't cloaked.
	Okay.
	Again, you're waxing poetic about these jokes without telling the author, giving the author an example.
	What if they don't have the book?
	He's so mad about a book he used to think was funny and now doesn't.
	I guess what he's saying here is he totally supports this political correctness and he's lashing out, betraying his old self and saying, those days were horrible and I can't believe I was part of it.
	That's just lame.
	This is the kind of person, by the way, when communism or fascism comes in, they're going to be like, it was my neighbor.
	Get him.
	He's hiding upstairs.
	This is the kind of people who tell you where Ann Frank is.
	Gavin McInnis loved to give offensive compliments to reference racist canards about black penis size and Asian math skills while thumb-upsing people's outfits.
	Thumbs upping?
	Yeah, yeah, just to be very clear here, that is one thing I do regret.
	I do regret in my earlier days with humor, sometimes I would infer that African Americans have larger than average penises.
	They don't.
	Black people have tiny penises.
	They're all, they're all, this is the biggest black penis there is.
	They have the smallest.
	And then Asian math skills, I want you to know that Asians are terrible at math.
	That's just a silly stereotype that's based on nothing.
	Both of those stereotypes are based on absolutely nothing.
	And if you check out, you know, people who win the Fields Medal or the leading minds in mathematics, you will see zero Asians.
	You'll see mostly small dick black dudes.
	That's who's good at math.
	Oh, and Asians have huge cocks.
	They were Trojan horses, which praise as the facade, because if you accepted the praise, you'd also need to engage with the horrible ideas woven into the praise as if they were worth considering.
	Weighing or even accepting, one page contained an image of some Nazi fuckheads at a rally, marveling at their dapperness and mastery of graphic design.
	Yeah, I remember that, dude.
	It was funny.
	When you see Nazis, Nazi skinheads marching down the street with their flags, you're like, I don't like you.
	Those are odious ideas, but you do look pretty sharp.
	The next image was of anti-Nazi protesters at that same rally.
	Both were dues.
	Yeah, so clearly the author is not a Nazi here.
	And he's, anyway.
	A brief interview at the front of the book highlighted McInnis's both sides either way, who knows, thinking.
	Especially when he tried to answer the question of what makes someone a don't, blah, blah, blah.
	He said, and then he quotes me, often there's no difference between do's and don'ts.
	It's just whatever works better.
	Occasionally there were too many do's for a given issue, so he turned them into don'ts.
	Yeah, it's a fashion joke book, dude.
	You're freaking out that sometimes I would randomly put someone in the do's or the don'ts.
	Obviously, the do's and don'ts was a construct to make laughs and do fashion commentary and humor.
	And the fact that they're interchangeable shows that you shouldn't be taking it so fucking seriously.
	Anyway, he goes on and on and on about this book and the McInnis of the Vice Do's and Don'ts was slippery, wrong-footed, and unpinned-downable.
	I feel sorry for the copy editor who had to go through it and go, so you meant to say unpinned-downable?
	Okay, I just, okay.
	But you can't joke about everything and mean nothing forever.
	Yeah, a fashion joke book means nothing.
	Get a grip.
	More than 15 years later, I believe he has shown us what he really means.
	The mask became his face, or it always was, and it is the same face worshipped and worn by so many people in this current moment that shifts at a moment's notice from troll to gesture to dapper dan, but is recognizable by the hate shining out of the eye holes.
	No, I'm not joking.
	That's what it actually says.
	Anyway, he goes on and on about the do's and don'ts for pages and pages.
	And then he talks about how my dick is in the book, which it is, because that's funny.
	And he goes, that's the first time I saw his dick.
	And then what I did was I didn't have my, I have a nude picture, but I'm wearing underwear.
	But then at the back, you can cut out my penis, and it's underwear-shaped, and then glue it on the front, which he admits he did.
	You're not supposed to literally do that, dude.
	It's also a joke.
	But he's like, I can't believe I glued it on.
	I think he mentions that.
	Yeah, here we go.
	Marooned on a page near the back was an image of the exact redacted dick area, which you were instructed to cut out and glue onto the photo in the front.
	It was a joke.
	A joke on everything.
	A joke on the prudish publishers.
	A joke on an author making it very clear he wanted everyone to see his dick.
	And a joke on anyone who would go to the trouble of cutting and pasting the dick, correct?
	A joke on anyone who didn't think it was funny, and anyone who did.
	It was a joke on everything.
	One last little edgy joke in a book filled with them.
	Or at least that's how it seemed to me.
	So yeah, to recap, when I moved to San Francisco, my copy of the book was in one bag I took, which meant I'd made room for it.
	A little cutout of Gavin McInnes' dick, removed from one page so it could be glued to another.
	Then he adds, because I was one of those idiots who did go to the trouble.
	This guy sat there with scissors, cutting out a picture of my penis and then gluing it onto my body so he could see the whole thing.
	Anyway, I can't do this anymore, but it goes on and on and on.
	And then he talks about growth and how important it is to grow.
	And the thing about these morons who betray themselves, kind of like the Beastie Boys saying that first album, which, by the way, made all their money.
	Kind of like when the Beastie Boys say that first album, Licensed to Ill, technically their second album.
	We were just joking, man.
	Those dudes are gay.
	That was bullshit.
	I was fucking around.
	It's a betrayal.
	It's lame.
	That's what's so great about tattoos.
	If this guy actually did understand tattoo culture, you're saying, yeah, I was an idiot back then.
	That's funny to me.
	You know, you embrace yourself.
	You embrace your past.
	But these assholes, not only do they say, fuck my past, I'm going with the herd.
	If that's not in anymore, then fuck that.
	I can't believe I ever did that.
	I was one of the idiots who glued it on.
	I can't believe it.
	Fuck me.
	Like, not only will they betray their neighbors when fascism comes, they're happy to betray themselves.
	But the strange thing about this, too, is as they do this betrayal and this sort of self-deception, they talk about how better they are as people and how better they are than you.
	You see, if you don't betray yourself, then you haven't grown.
	And I'm going to teach you how to do it.
	So not only are they ratting on their neighbors, but they're like, this is how you do it.
	This is how you go with Stalin and progress.
	And I just thought this was an amazing little paragraph.
	I know that educating people in this way can sometimes feel like explaining very nicely and patiently and calmly to the person who's just stabbed you.
	I've stabbed him.
	And who is still gripping the shiv as your blood runs down their knuckles why they may not want to consider doing that.
	Do you get that?
	So being normal, being edgy, whatever, being fun is ignorant and it's stabbing gay dudes with a shiv.
	And they should just kill us for being so rude and offensive.
	You should just kill me.
	But I'd rather educate you.
	And it does feel tedious to have to educate evil assholes like us while blood drips down your sides because it's just too nice.
	But you need to educate people.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	No.
	You don't need to educate people.
	You need to laugh.
	cough gurgling music
	Guilds.
	Oh, I'm glad that we had that bit of levity at the end.
	The Prowboy stuff was getting kind of boring.
	But yeah, it's getting to the point now with critics where you could tell something sucks by how well it's rated, like the rotten tomatoes thing.
	So when you see something on the New York Times bestseller list, you go, oh, okay, garbage.
	And when you hear something is terrible, it ends up being awesome.
	My favorite example, of course, is Kirby's Enthusiasm, where they said, this is the worst season ever.
	It's just mean.
	I'm like, hmm.
	I like Kirby Enthusiasm.
	One season sucks.
	That's not really like Larry David.
	Then I discover it's because he has a fatwa out on him, and they're scared that season offends Muslims.
	Best season I've ever seen.
	Includes the term fatwa sex, where Salman Rushdie himself explains to Larry that when there's a fatwa out on you, you get mad pussy.
	Oh, we should mention.
	Look at my awesome suit.
	Look at the attention to detail.
	Is that the new one already?
	No, no.
	Oh, okay.
	Gavin McInnis in there.
	White silk lining.
	Nice.
	Extra boutons.
	And that is Nita Fashions.
	That's correct.
	That's our third sponsor for today.
	I was just there meeting them.
	I've got some beautiful summer suits in the mix.
	What color suit did you get?
	I got a very subtle patterned, but it's not, it's formal enough that you could go to a wedding, funeral, church, but it's dark.
	It's like a dark navy, super dark navy.
	Super dark navy.
	Super dark navy.
	Don't get an intense pattern because you can't show it on the show.
	Right.
	No, I made sure that it was farther.
	But why don't we show their dates?
	They're still on tour.
	Oh, yeah.
	They were just in New York.
	We were with them.
	You know what bothers me?
	They don't fly first class.
	And they tour the whole world.
	Like, give yourselves a Kid Kat.
	Give yourselves a break.
	Close.
	All right.
	So where are we now?
	I got their graphic that's actually better than that.
	It is the 7th, Friday, the 7th of April.
	So they have left New York, I believe.
	Oh, yeah.
	Long time ago.
	We've got two more days in Washington, D.C. And then they're off to Houston, Texas for mid-April.
	Dallas, till close to the end of April.
	No, Chicago is the end of April.
	And then I can't see it here.
	What do we have after that?
	So you contact them on their website, contact them on their social media, and you make an appointment.
	San Francisco is coming up, April 30th.
	Los Angeles, where we just were.
	April 27th, 29th, Denver, Colorado.
	And I'm telling you guys, going in there, choosing the fabrics, it's a male spa.
	It's the male equivalent to being...
	I hate going to spas.
	I hate sitting in hot water and then cold water.
	I just don't, I don't get it.
	It just feels like a waste of time.
	But when you're going there choosing a suit and getting the details, like what kind of pocket flap are you going to get?
	I don't know.
	What would you suggest?
	Yeah, that was awesome.
	Great experience.
	And then also, I'm thinking about making a video of how you could do that over Zoom.
	And we can kind of, you know, just show how easy that process would be.
	You get somebody that you know.
	Yeah, all you need is a measuring tape, the floppy Taylor's kind.
	Totes.
	And obviously, you're not going to have a yardstick.
	Think about it.
	I'm going to put it on your neck.
	Second date.
	She hasn't put out yet because she's a good girl.
	Second date.
	She fits you up for this.
	So you do the Zoom, you have fun, you drink a little bit.
	What are you talking about?
	I'm talking about the fitting process on Zoom.
	It feels like a second date?
	No, no, you have the second date with this chick, and she's the one putting up this tape around.
	You may want to add that a little detail.
	If you're on a second date, have a woman do the measuring with you, and it's a good way to flirt.
	Okay.
	Correct.
	Gotcha.
	Gotcha.
	All right, let's get to the mailbag.
	Very long up today.
	Lots of stuff for freebies.
	That's true.
	But there's one thing we did forget, too, and I wanted to add to this the other day.
	Let's turn our eyes together's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	Exactly.
	Otherwise I'm completely straight Uh Uh Someone wants us to know the misfits are punk.
	It's called horror punk.
	Okay.
	I've never heard that phrase before.
	That horror's a bit of a punk.
	Wait a minute.
	Didn't I have...
	Okay.
	Okay.
	What is the opposite of sprinkles?
	Whatever this is.
	This is a sad woman that's better off being a mom and not a cum dumpster.
	I haven't screened this yet.
	I usually do.
	But wow.
	Wait, I don't see that there.
	It's called opposite.
	It's not flagged.
	It's called Kill Tony's One Minute Murders.
	Gotcha.
	Unflagged going.
	Here we go.
	Never heard of a Chelby Morgan before.
	Make some noise for Chelby, everybody.
	Has she got no shirt on?
	Did you know that in Idaho, you can pay $200 a night to stay in a giant potato?
	In Austin, you can just ask me nicely.
	That's a pretty good joke.
	I was literally thinking, you look like a giant potato, so glad she said that.
	She didn't find the potato in the room.
	That's a good joke.
	It's not sprinkles.
	Sting a little bit.
	Sting a little.
	I do try to practice self-love.
	Sometimes I spit in my own mouth.
	That's funny, too.
	Although, what do women do when they do stand-up?
	They just make disgusting sex jokes because that's all they got.
	I have a boyfriend somehow, but I don't like everything he takes me to do.
	Sometimes he tries to take me to the shooting range, but I just don't enjoy it because for me, shooting a gun is a lot like giving a hand job.
	Like most women, I'm not very good at it, and I would really rather just put it in my mouth.
	That's like not bad.
	She's fine.
	You need to, I don't know, tweak it a little bit, but whatever.
	Here's a weird one.
	She was like not hot Britney Venti.
	I'm not saying she's hot.
	I'm saying that the world thinks she's out.
	Whatever.
	Which one are we at?
	Wait, are you so pussywhipped that you can't even say women are hot?
	To be fair, I don't find her hot.
	But I know that.
	Prove it then.
	Tell me someone you do find hot.
	That chick from Two Broke Girls.
	Whatever the fuck her name is.
	She just married Andrew W.K. Kat Dennings?
	Yeah.
	Fuck.
	Just kidding.
	Fuck, I was going to fuck her in the next life.
	Like, any Jewish woman is very attractive usually.
	That's how they get you.
	And the next thing you know, your kids are like, oi, yo, yo, yo, yoy, yoi.
	And you're like, damn it.
	Okay.
	Hey, Yins, guys.
	I don't get that.
	Have you ever heard of Nora Vincent?
	She was a lesbo who lived as a man for a year and a half.
	She wasn't trans, but she was writing a book about the male experience.
	A lot of gays in books here.
	Yins is a slang for like y'all.
	Pennsylvania, I looked it up in the Appalachian Mountains.
	Gay books.
	That's this episode.
	She was interviewed for a piece on 2020 in 2006, and she talked about all the scenarios she tried out as a guy.
	She went to strip clubs and tried to go on dates.
	I'm sure the females sussed out that there was something wrong with this guy.
	Okay?
	Pheromones, they can just smell something's up.
	Just like Biden told us in that awesome diatribe about trans people.
	She's hardly a supermodel or movie star, but today, Nora Vinson is getting the full-blown glamour treatment.
	I wish I could see her watching this episode.
	Okay, that's a weird thing to start with, but okay.
	Nora's a writer, and one of these shots will adorn the cover of her new book.
	This wasn't just a stunt.
	This was about learning.
	This is a human project.
	It was about finding something out about the human creature.
	And I learned it the best possible way because I went through it.
	No, you did.
	Nora went through, or more accurately, what she became in the last two years, was a man.
	Yeah, a little bit shorter on the top.
	No, Nora didn't get a sex change operation.
	She did it the old-fashioned way with acting and a disguise.
	I am Jeremy Renner.
	She starred in Marvel's Avengers.
	I found that men are real, or girls are really not horny around men.
	And girls end dates early.
	And girls often accuse men of being effeminate and having a weird chick voice for some strange reason.
	Even though it was just an experiment, Norris said the whole experience messed with her sense of identity, made her extremely depressed.
	She committed suicide about a year ago.
	That's the real reason for the higher suicide rate among trans people.
	They aren't actually the opposite sex trapped in their body.
	They just don't understand themselves.
	They need therapy, not enabling.
	So for Dylan Mulvaney, who's only 26, whatever artificial happiness he's getting from all the media attention, reality is going to catch up with him eventually.
	Probably after all the cameras have gone away.
	He's not going to like it.
	Yes, absolutely.
	Dylan Mulvaney's going to kill himself.
	Promise me.
	That's bad.
	I wish I hadn't jocked on this broad.
	Fuck.
	Whoops.
	Vice lawsuits.
	I need my money, mustache man.
	Oh, great.
	I guess I'm getting sued again for having nothing to do with Vice.
	Do you have an account with Vice Media?
	Have you ever watched videos?
	You may be entitled to Conversation.
	Is that a joke, dude?
	I can't tell.
	Wow.
	I don't ever ask if something's a joke anymore.
	Because that black kid axing the tree a question, that's just as good as a birthday boy sketch.
	So I'm equally satisfied.
	Oh, shit.
	What?
	I saw one that said that you call Anthony Andrew.
	Oh, I did.
	It's funny.
	It was an accident.
	Did he call it out?
	He laughed, yeah.
	Okay.
	I didn't mean to.
	That's fine.
	This one just says he's a fag.
	Oh, this is pupil records teacher's radical LGBTQ.
	You got to go to the very beginning of this.
	Make this very clear.
	You don't have a choice whether or not you learn about LGBTQ plus in school.
	You don't have a choice.
	It's one of our values, the British values.
	And if you refuse to do it, that will be dealt with severely.
	Why would I not?
	Why would I care if anyone in this room wants to love somebody, whether it's to be a man or a woman?
	Why would I care if someone wants to say, do you know what?
	I don't know if I'm more male than I'm going to be able to do that.
	There's two separate things here.
	One is, do you care if two adults, what two adults do in their bedroom?
	The answer is no for 99% of the fucking world.
	Maybe not 99, but a lot of, most of us, anyone we know, right?
	But teaching it in school, what are you teaching?
	The various details of polyamory?
	No.
	And he said that's part of British culture.
	I believe buggery was illegal up until like 1965 in Britain.
	So no, it's not really a stalwart of British history.
	Why does that matter to me?
	Why does that matter?
	It's not hurting you.
	Why is he so mad?
	But it definitely hurts other people by the words you use.
	And you don't understand that this has the impact.
	When I was at school, and I remember it now, and I was in an English class, I used to sit with my hand like this, and you're sat now like this.
	I used to be sat like this.
	And the girl used to call me bullyly and say, I was right.
	Okay, in 1861...
	The buggery act was the buggery act was from 1533.
	But sex even straightened up.
	But sex between men was punishable by death until 1861.
	And the United Kingdom, the UK Parliament repealed the buggery laws for England and Wales in 1967.
	So my joke was pretty accurate.
	All right, that's enough of that stupid shit.
	Fucking retards.
	Budweiser is for cunts.
	What the fuck?
	My God, Gavin, really, you're a fucking millionaire, which none of us are.
	You really can't just separate yourself from those faggots celebrating cunts.
	What an absolute pussy move.
	Be a fucking man, for Christ's sakes.
	See?
	Like, they just don't get it.
	I am more steadfast in my beliefs now.
	I will be wearing Budweiser everywhere I go.
	When I'm done with Bud, it's going to look like Fred Perry.
	Hey, Ryan.
	Yes.
	It's just a letter to you.
	It's probably boring.
	I'm not going to bother.
	Okay.
	Since you're a guitar nerd, I was wondering what your thoughts were on John Maker.
	I didn't realize he did more than catch you video tunes, but I've seen all the videos of him recently covering Hendrix, and was pretty impressed.
	Wait until tomorrow.
	You were a little late to the party.
	I think the world understands that John Maker is an exquisite guitar player, for sure, and very tasteful, but also very technical, really, when you look at it.
	My only problem with him is he doesn't really venture out of the blues.
	And blues just kind of feel a little muddy to me sometimes.
	But he's impressive.
	Super impressive.
	Super delicious licks.
	Almost better than Slash in some regards.
	But not as cartoony and pop and vivid as Slash might be.

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