| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Shave Me Dry
00:02:23
|
|
| I got nipples on my titties, big as the end of my titties. | |
| Live from New York. | |
| Get off my lawn with Gavin McGuinness. | |
| Baby, won't you shave them dry? | |
| No, no, no. | |
| Want you to grind me, baby. | |
| Grind me until I cry. | |
| Said, I fucked all night and all the night before, baby. | |
| And I feel just like I wanna fuck some more. | |
| Great God, Daddy. | |
| Grind me, honey. | |
| Shave me fly. | |
| And when you hear me holler, baby, I want you to shave me dry. | |
| I got nipples on my titty, big in my thumb. | |
| Daddy, you say that's the kind of home you want, and you can make them come. | |
| Oh, daddy, shave me dry. | |
| And I give you something, baby. | |
| Swear it'll make you cry. | |
| It's Lucille Bogan. | |
| Just discovered her recently. | |
| Oh, Ryan, can we move this monitor so I can see the guys? | |
| Sure. | |
| Did Dusty suggest her? | |
| No? | |
| She's the one who said, Mick Jagger stole her line, I'll make a dead man come. | |
| That's real life. | |
| I don't understand that. | |
| I don't understand. | |
| No, I will not. | |
| I'm on the wheel. | |
| Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn. | |
| Of course, this is our Thursday episode of Cops and Robber. | |
| Roddy's still sick. | |
| He's still hacking his lungs out. | |
| We're still trying to ruin Budweiser by associating my name with their brand. | |
| My reputation is unsalvageable, so I might as well take some fuckers down with me. | |
| And just like we ruined Fred Perry, we're going to ruin Bud. | |
| Welcome to the Cops. | |
|
Ariup's Aristocratic Adventure
00:02:39
|
|
| We have John, Dick Man, and John. | |
| Cheers, boys. | |
| I noticed, John, one, you're drinking Stella to avoid Amheiser-Busch. | |
| It's made by Anne Heysel Bush. | |
| Yeah, there's no, I think PBR maybe he could do. | |
| Miller Light, yeah. | |
| That's the beauty of Bud. | |
| It's easy to quit because there's so many things like it. | |
| Coors Light, I'm not, I find Coors taste kind of like wet cardboard. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I would drink Miller or like Nickel Ober. | |
| I love Miller High Life. | |
| Yeah. | |
| PBR is great. | |
| Corona. | |
| Corona is a little fruity for my taste. | |
| Oh, it's got fruit in it. | |
| What are you supposed to put it in? | |
| It's a fucking lime. | |
| Good stuff. | |
| As you know, we take calls at this show. | |
| We've got the super chat coming up. | |
| We read letters and we talk to the police and the felon about the various things we've seen on the internet. | |
| We were just talking about black people's names before the show started. | |
| And John 2 was telling me that he knew someone named His Highness. | |
| What was it? | |
| Well, there were brothers, Ya Highness. | |
| Ya Highness. | |
| And Ya Majesty. | |
| Your Majesty. | |
| And what's funny about that is naming them that worked, and they are now aristocrats who live in Saudi Arabia and do mostly corporate mergers. | |
| Right. | |
| They just severed ties with America. | |
| Saudi Arabia did? | |
| Yes, today. | |
| Bye-bye. | |
| Home to mommy. | |
| Home to mommy. | |
| Sever ties economically. | |
| Also in today's news, Johnny Ronton's wife just died. | |
| He married a woman much older than him, and she's been suffering from dementia for a while. | |
| And I think her body finally went, okay, this person doesn't know what's going on. | |
| And shut it down. | |
| So sorry, John. | |
| Course out for your homie. | |
| She was a great woman. | |
| Great woman. | |
| I think she was Ariup from the Slitz's mother, I believe. | |
| And John adopted Ariup. | |
| Ariup died of breast cancer because she's a Rastafarian and decided that chemo is the Western man's way, and she's Rasta, so she's just going to take herbs. | |
| But that didn't work out too great. | |
| Now, John Won was at Trump's arrest. | |
| Is that correct, sir? | |
| I went down to the arrayment. | |
| It was a very interesting day down there. | |