| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Cops and Robber Episode
00:04:27
|
|
| Oh, live from New York. | |
| It's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGinnis. | |
| All the weapon states of the dies, they make it happen, they get to strapping. | |
| Cold matter what happened inside. | |
| Won't stay alive for no one's benefit. | |
| Same reason I refuse to die, and I'm waiting on the red line. | |
| Sorry, boys, you get a big long intro, and we don't get to hear your song because we got shit to do. | |
| That was Show Me the Body, New York Hardcore Band. | |
| That song goes crazy after what you just heard. | |
| But we don't get time. | |
| We have another episode of Cops and Robber. | |
| Today we're welcoming our cops are John 1, Dick Man, Mr. N, should we call you? | |
| Sure. | |
| And John 2. | |
| And then we have Maddie Odell. | |
| What up, everybody? | |
| Gonna be back from the Brink of AIDS. | |
| Two more shots, and I'm cleared. | |
| Oh, good. | |
| And that's AZT you guys take now? | |
| Yeah. | |
| I noticed in the commercials for that shit, so was the weirdest-looking dudes in the world. | |
| Like the beard that blows in the wind. | |
| It's real long. | |
| They're picking up seashells on the beach. | |
| I guess the subtext of those ads is fags are weird. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Fags are people too. | |
| Speaking of fags, so this show is no longer free, which means we can relax. | |
| We don't have to do ad reads. | |
| I don't have to explain what the show is. | |
| I don't have to explain why this show is not like any other show. | |
| In fact, that's why we stopped making this the free show of the week, because it doesn't represent anything. | |
| It's really just a self-indulgent way to hang out with your boys. | |
| Cock balls. | |
| Pardon me? | |
| We can say Joe Biden with Tourette's? | |
| Well, we could say anything we want, just the fellas. | |
| Those aren't swear words. | |
| No, cock is a rooster. | |
| You can say cock. | |
| I think you can say cock on TV, can't you? | |
| Maybe not. | |
| Sure, cockadoodle. | |
| Oh, my cock. | |
| Could you say that on like on Law and Order? | |
| I wouldn't. | |
| Looks like his cock got stuck in the elevator, and that's why he died. | |
| I can't see it on television because I'll never be on television. | |
| But maybe other people can. | |
| Your hair is... | |
| It's supposed to be annoying? | |
| It's for us. | |
| Now that we lost all the losers for free, now that this is just the boys. | |
| Why would we punish our boys? | |
| Yeah. | |
| I don't know. | |
| What do you think, panel? | |
| Oh, well, they're biased. | |
| The blue view? | |
| The blue view. | |
| Regarding Ryan's hair? | |
| Yeah. | |
| I can't comment on dude's hair. | |
| Oh, come on. | |
| Well, you can get mad. | |
| Give a Dominican barber five minutes with that. | |
| No, please, no. | |
| Yeah, just throw it in a wood chipper. | |
| No. | |
| You left your brush over here. | |
| I did not. | |
| That's not my brush. | |
| Do you even use a brush? | |
| You're probably so advanced you have all kinds of like spritzers. | |
| No, I use my fingers. | |
| Gonna use my fingers. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So, yeah, we'll be taking calls. | |
| It's the same as every other show. | |
| Well, the super chat's up here. | |
| Those are going to Max and John, who are getting out on the 21st. | |
| We're going to have a humdinger of a party. | |
| Pente uno. | |
| I think that's the day, yeah. | |
| What? | |
| Damn. | |
| So I talked to Zenoa, his wife, and I said, so what's the plan? | |
| And she's like, well, I'm not bringing the kids because I figured the first thing he wants to do is fuck. | |
| I'm sorry to be rude, but. | |
| I'm like, yeah, he's going to fuck you into a wheelchair. | |
| Like, you're going to be rolling up to the party. | |
| It's been four years. | |
| He had his Fifi. | |
| He's going to rip her in half. | |
| She's been bodybuilding, though. | |
| She can take a pounding. | |
| No conjugals? | |
| Nope. | |
| No. | |
| New York State conjugals only a max. | |
| Oh. | |
| Trailer visits. | |
| Isn't that only with married couples? | |
|
Aesthetically Pleasing Beer
00:00:26
|
|
| Yeah. | |
| Can you lose that garbage on the side of the bar? | |
| I don't know who put that there. | |
| It's a TV set. | |
| We can't have shit hanging on the bar there. | |
| Who's responsible? | |
| Who did that? | |
| It's my shirt, my jacket. | |
| John, this is a movie set. | |
| We can't afford to have bric-a-brac hanging around. | |
| I allow Budweisers because they're aesthetically pleasing. | |
| But no, like, water bottles or anything. | |