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Dec. 2, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

52:17

GOML LIVE #174 - DUMP HER ASS (Part 1)

After analyzing Ye's philosophy, we take 100 calls and advise a newlywed to give up on the evil bitch who just canceled their marriage after 15 months.

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	I wonder who you are, you make me happy with the things you do.
	Oh, can it be so, this feeling follows me wherever I go.
	I never can believe in miracles, but I have a feeling it's time to try.
	I never can believe in the ways of magic, but I'm beginning to...
	Shut up, bitch!
	Sorry, it's wrong to speak ill of the dead, especially as a Christian, but... This song's annoying!
	Christine McKivvy.
	Beckavy?
	Of Fleetwood Mac just passed away.
	She was the other vocalist besides Stevie Nicks.
	And that song is all about how hot it is to fuck her new boyfriend after she totally threw away her marriage and had an affair.
	And how she always thinks about this magic that is fucking him.
	And you're like... And then towards later in life, she talks about how much she regretted not having kids.
	What a mistake it was.
	Dickman, do you have kids?
	Yes.
	And you're like, no, you weren't.
	She goes, we were always on tour.
	And so like Stevie and I could never have kids.
	And you're like, ah, Stevie Nicks and her.
	And you're like, nah, you're the singer.
	We can have a temporary singer.
	We can take a year off you.
	You're fine.
	You're fine.
	You're rich.
	You get a nanny.
	We'll be okay.
	So it's gross hearing her say that.
	Welcome to GOML Live.
	Get Off My Lawn Live with our co-host, Maddie O'Dell.
	What's up everybody?
	Good to be back out of the hospital looking fresh.
	He just had a very minor, very routine operation where they put about 37 cameras up your femur and down your throat.
	And then they did like a pressure test inside my heart.
	Then they fill your heart full of salt water to see if it's airtight.
	See if it's properly sealed off and no leaks.
	I think because they can't really care about you.
	You're a bad man.
	I'm a professional patient.
	You're a biker.
	So it must be like we have a perfect guinea pig.
	He's a human.
	Yeah.
	Because they've spent millions on you.
	Yes.
	Literally.
	Like that operation alone was what?
	$150,000?
	$157,000.
	- $150,000? - $157,000. - $700 billion and $1,300,000,000,000. - I got my net in Yoohoo here. - Incredibly hard to find. - The most entertaining television since the Sex Pistols were on Bill Grundy and said, "You dirty old man." Kanye West appeared with a mask on, on Alex Jones today, We watched it.
	$700,000,000,000 and $1,300,000,000,000.
	It was four hours in total something like that Wow Wow What quality TV it was.
	And the thing I loved about it is Kanye's saying, oh sorry, yay, yay.
	I apologize.
	Is it yay or ye?
	Yay.
	It's yay.
	It's just Kanye without the con.
	Yay.
	It's going to take a second for us to get used to it.
	But he would say these totally outrageous things And then Nick would provide, whenever we needed context, he'd provide a sort of salient argument backed up with data that was rational.
	So it was this bizarre combination of Alex trying to mediate.
	So it was a cool combination.
	everything off and then Nick being like well actually you know the troops were there a little earlier than people say and the problem with Israel is that the the war of 1812 blah blah blah all this smart shit so it was a cool combination combination but I mean when he would say shit like Hitler was a good guy I At one point, I think he said, I like Hitler.
	And then Alex Jones goes, well, I know what you're saying.
	You're saying everyone's God's children.
	And if they do evil things, it's because Satan got in there.
	I understand that logic.
	He's like, no, he's a good guy.
	Architecture, great artist.
	I might not be getting it perfect, but we were sitting here in the studio today and every once in a while, we had it on this screen, and every once in a while I'd come from my desk and I'd come over here and I'd look at Ryan and just go, like we are watching history in the making!
	Every other TV event seems so dull now in comparison.
	Oh, Geraldo had some skinheads on and they threw a chair.
	Eww.
	Oh, Tom Cruise jumped up and down on a couch.
	Eww.
	Someone cried on a show once.
	I'm so scared.
	This was fucking... Show some of the highlights here.
	Show the Net and Yoohoo.
	That's the first clip.
	No prob.
	Hey, yay, right after this, I'm gonna say you're crazy, I'm gonna take your family away from you!
	We're not done with you yet!
	You cannot cause free thought!
	We have to control the history books, we have to control the banks, and we have to go and kill people!
	Also, we're in a pedophilia!
	- - So, hopefully you're gonna take the mask off, 'cause is this actually yay here? - The word so has never been so funny.
	And I love how he read a bunch of Owen Benjamin jokes about Ben Shapiro from his phone that I guess Owen had sent him.
	Owen was seen recently wearing a yay jacket on his farm.
	Like, I knew everyone, too, in this fucking episode.
	Ali, I think, is doing his stuff now.
	I'm not sure if Milo's still involved.
	It was like Simpsons meet the Jetsons.
	Dude, it was like, this is what TV needs to be.
	Fucking alarming.
	Yeah.
	There's some good... Sam Tripoli had a good take on it.
	What was his take?
	It was, um... Kanye says, Hitler did some good things.
	Everyone's, boo!
	Fuck Nazis!
	Also, everyone, I love NASA, founded by a Nazi.
	I support the CIA, rebranded by a Nazi, and I think we need to support Nazis in the Ukraine to fight the Russians who almost lost... See, that's what I love about good art.
	That's why I was so mad my prank with getting arrested got exposed, because I could have played with that a little bit and made it into different things, but it was stripped away from me.
	Yeah, like by him bringing up, I like Hitler, I don't know if he does or not, but now the conversation has this fucking, it's not stirring up dirt, it's getting a nuclear infusion.
	The conversation is fucking through the roof now.
	And isn't that what good television is about?
	A good news show?
	What does he say?
	If I Love Hitler wasn't a controversial take, he wouldn't say it.
	Yeah, Josh, our very own Josh LaCashe.
	Yes.
	Who's it you?
	By the way, our sponsor still, our ad guy is still sending us sponsors.
	It's like George Costanza after he got fired coming back into the office.
	And I go, moron, why are you sending me reads?
	He goes, because it's money?
	And I go, no, I don't want your money.
	Fired is fired, moron.
	Man, we got to get him back on the show at least one.
	Oh, you're such a loser Ryan.
	It was it was such a good bit It was like Gary and Stern.
	That's what this other guy I work with said who started handling the promo stuff He goes it was one of the funniest shows you ever did and I'm like dude If an employee is so bad that exposing his incompetence is the funniest thing we've ever done.
	He shouldn't be on the show You get it you shouldn't be employed What's this now?
	This must be on the way home.
	Everybody claims to hate hate speech, but really what they're hating right now is too much love speech.
	I love Ben Shapiro.
	I don't know who he is.
	No one knows who he is.
	I wouldn't recognize him in a room full of one.
	But I love him.
	He'd be the short guy.
	I love Ben Shapiro.
	You know, it's fine.
	You know, I love all of these guys.
	I love the police officer that followed us over here.
	I love all of these guys, you know?
	And that's the thing, I just love everyone.
	What's up with the mask?
	No, people are not going to tell me who I like.
	He had that on the entire show.
	I love Ben, and I love Hitler.
	I love both you guys.
	If Hitler was alive, I'd have you both over for dinner at the same time.
	Is that a zipper and an eye slot?
	It is.
	I don't know if Hitler would show up, but I feel like he probably doesn't like Ben.
	What's wrong with his face lately?
	Is that his beard?
	That sounds like Trump.
	I don't know if he'd have showed up.
	Keep going.
	Anyone else notice about him?
	For some reason?
	His face is always swollen.
	Like, super swollen.
	Yeah.
	I love Ben Shapiro.
	I love Nick in this too.
	He's like, no matter what they say, what do you think Nick?
	He's like, I agree.
	Nick is like 23.
	Remember being 23?
	You're just like, I'm along for the ride.
	Even going to jail.
	You go to some concert, there's a riot, they take everyone who was fighting in jail and you're sitting in jail and you're like, this is awesome.
	I'm just here.
	But I think he really does get what he's trying to say.
	It's just like, you know, there's nuance just stripped from it that he indexed back into it.
	Well, Nick is intelligent and understands this whole, like, fighting for America thing.
	I disagree with him when it comes to the Jews, but that's permitted.
	And so he's not like a doofus going along for the ride.
	He's an intelligent person.
	I feel like he's almost traveling back in time to when he was 23 and saying, I want to be part of like the craziest shit that was going on in 2022.
	And you are!
	Right in the middle of it.
	Fucking met the president.
	Had dinner.
	Kanye.
	These are both of his heroes.
	Dude, in fact he had a thousand people, including blacks and Jews, screaming, USA!
	Waiting to hear him speak.
	Marjorie Taylor Greene shows up.
	I think he's out of heroes to meet.
	What do you do?
	Man, that's crazy.
	What's crazy?
	Just all this stuff.
	Why do you keep deadnaming Ye?
	Man, I know that man as Kanye for so many years.
	Now he gonna change his name.
	What if I said tomorrow my name was Pell?
	Damn!
	Nobody would do it.
	I want to go by Vin, but fucking retard Vin Diesel ruined the name.
	Yeah, he's retarded.
	Stupid!
	I hate that guy.
	Damn!
	What's the next clip we have?
	I mean, there's too many highlights to show.
	You have to watch the entire thing.
	And I gotta say, since Larry, Moe and Curly, Gary, Keith and Ron, John, Paul and Ringo, Dickman, Gavin and Matty.
	You're excluded, of course.
	There was this combo of guys.
	With Nick being all sort of mild and quiet, but this is what happened, this is what Ye's referring to.
	It's like a sniper, yeah.
	Yeah, and then Alex just trying to steer the ship as it was going out of control, like the fucking De Niro's Cape Cod.
	And then Kanye just like throwing color bombs at everyone.
	Yeah.
	It was like getting hit with water balloons that were a different color every time, like yellow, red, green.
	Nice.
	What lunacy.
	Not saying he's a lunatic.
	I'm saying the whole thing was... I mean, are my grandchildren gonna ask me about this day?
	Possibly.
	You're not a Nazi, you don't deserve to be called that a demonized.
	Well, I see good things about Hitler also.
	the Jews.
	I love everyone, and Jewish people are not going to tell me.
	You can love us, and you can love what we're doing to you with the contracts, and you can love what we're pushing with the pornography, but this guy that Invented highways.
	Invented the very microphone that I use as a musician.
	You can't say out loud that this person ever did anything good, and I'm done with that.
	I'm done with the classifications.
	Every human being has something of value that they brought to the table.
	Especially Hitler.
	You're not a Nazi.
	You don't deserve to be called that.
	Like, what did the Sex Pistols say?
	They said, fuck off, you dirty old man.
	Boring old shit.
	Fuck the Queen.
	They didn't even say it, I mean on the Bill Grundy episode.
	They didn't say fuck the Queen.
	I don't know if they even said fuck.
	I think they said shit.
	Yeah, Johnny Rotten said shit, and that I believe was the only swear word, and then Steve Jones said, you dirty old man.
	That is a... How does that look in comparison to what we just heard?
	Holy shitballs.
	So, as you know, this show is free for the first little bit.
	I tried going over news stories, which is what we do every other day of the week, but it just smudgies the waters.
	This is where we get to know people, people call in, we read mail, we have the super chat.
	It's the relaxed Thursday night party vibe.
	And we used to take Fridays off, but people got pissed, so I do a show on Friday now, but I read recently that Ireland instituted a four-day work week, and it was a smashing success.
	Productivity is up.
	Employee satisfaction is up.
	The bosses are happy.
	The customers are happy.
	I mean, I guess they don't do it in retail, but they've been doing it with everything else and it's been working out great.
	I don't know.
	We tried it for a while, right?
	We were pre-recording a Friday show.
	I got kind of bored on Fridays.
	Yeah.
	I would kill to have a Ryan IQ where you can just be happy just sitting on your couch just going, Oh, I got a baby.
	The baby makes everything fun.
	Yeah, you have a peer.
	You guys can debate politics together.
	We really do have conversations where she's like, ba-ba-ba.
	I'm like, ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba.
	Simple pleasures for simple minds.
	Simple minds.
	How many words does she know?
	Like a bunch now.
	And she's walking around the house like willy-nilly.
	Oh, she's walking now?
	Yes.
	Wild.
	Wow.
	Way ahead of her time.
	This is a really funny thread.
	That's the other great thing about it.
	Everyone is hysterical.
	Like, why are you so scared of someone's ideas?
	I know why.
	Because we live in a country of black worship.
	Charism.
	And when Kanye calls himself yay, and Jay-Z calls himself, what is it?
	Hove.
	Hove.
	Hova, Jehovah.
	I think that's a reflection on the way they're seen.
	Like Beyonce is our Queen Elizabeth.
	People worship her.
	If you want to get your fucking house firebombed, be famous and say Beyonce sucks.
	You'll get, your children will be stabbed.
	The beehive is real.
	That's what I love about this art that we saw today, is it shows how invested people are.
	Like, what if fucking Pat Buchanan said all this?
	You'd see it on some political blog, and he's a far more experienced political commentator than Ye or Nick.
	But no one cares about that.
	It's when our monarchy says it.
	All right, Ryan, you don't need to show your tweets on the fucking show.
	If somebody else said it, I'd show it.
	This is so wise.
	You should check out what I said.
	No, just, like, how is this real life?
	It's like, dude.
	What are you talking about?
	It's the internet.
	Go back to that previous thing?
	This thread's hilarious.
	On stream he praised the Nazis and mocked Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu.
	Is he still Prime Minister?
	But that wasn't all.
	Here are six other highlights you missed.
	He seemed to believe he's on Joe Rogan's show.
	He said, great to be here, Joe.
	Throughout the interview, what happened with you and Spotify?
	He also seemed to believe Fuentes was Carl Benjamin, calling him my buddy Sargon.
	That's weird.
	In a bizarre 20-minute rant, he denounced Syrian leader Bashar al-Assad.
	Good.
	After all that he's done to Syria, he has to go.
	There's simply no route to a negotiated peace agreement in that country.
	What's the matter with that?
	You wore a mask as disguise but forgot he was wearing it as the interview began.
	Planned to appear on the show and on all the scenes to wear the mask to hide his real identity but when the interview began he forgot he was wearing the mask and repeatedly took sips of Diet Coke.
	I don't know if you could count that.
	But the great thing about the mask too is he never took it off.
	You could tell Jones was dying for the big reveal at the end.
	Right.
	But he never did it.
	Nope.
	That's great art, as far as I'm concerned.
	Because now, forever, people will say, was that real?
	Yeah.
	Especially British people.
	He never took off the mask.
	And there are flight reports of him being in Miami at the time.
	So what you had was someone doing an incredible yay impersonation.
	That'll be floating around.
	Just to spoil it, the whole thread is a joke.
	He said, just get to the... Oh, this is all fake?
	Yeah.
	This one's for the funniest one.
	He repeatedly tried to sell, quote, brain powder to Jones on air.
	He revealed he was taking a substance he called brain powder.
	Why are you bringing on pranks and portraying them as news on a show?
	I'm not portraying it as news.
	You're dicking with me now.
	I said it's a funny thread.
	I can sell you something, he told Jones.
	When Jones asked what brain powder was, Ye responded, this isn't a joke.
	You don't get, like, the joke?
	Yeah, but you just played a joke on me.
	It's a given that when you show me things- But that's the joke!
	You verified them.
	The joke is that you look through it and you're like, oh yeah, I don't remember that.
	And then it gets crazier and crazier and you're like, wait a second.
	What an absolute tit you are.
	You know, some humor isn't for everybody.
	He's right!
	No, but this is not the way our show works.
	You're my Jamie, speaking of Rogan.
	So when you pull shit up, you have to say, this is a bullshit thread.
	So I'm watching that, same way as the audience goes, so you're pranking me, for some reason, on my own show.
	Holy shit, he called him Joe Rogan?
	I don't remember that, I thought I saw the whole thing.
	That's like I tell you the punchline before a joke.
	The punchline is that you read it and it progressively gets more unbelievable till you're like, oh, I get it.
	Okay, all you've done is confuse everyone and totally derail the show once again.
	Anyway, um...
	During this show, we have Super Chats where we raise money for our friends Max and John, two patriots, proud boys who are currently serving four years for daring to say yes when asked if they would fight Antifa.
	Antifa said, you want to go?
	And they said, we sure do.
	Antifa threw a bottle of piss at them.
	They obliged.
	They get out in March, I think.
	They're still appealing it, by the way.
	They'll be appealing it after they get out.
	Because they want their probation.
	Anyway.
	So we take chats for those.
	I think we're up to $20,000 around?
	It was $21,000 last time.
	$21,000 last time?
	We didn't have one last week.
	I think there was some $100,000 from last week that didn't get read, Ryan.
	It's true.
	Are they still in the machine?
	Let me, I'll check.
	They better be.
	$22,065.
	I'm a man of my word.
	She's a woman of hers too.
	And then we'll also be reading letters from the mailbag.
	So let's start the show.
	There's other stuff I want to get to like Project Veritas had an incredible expose where they looked at human trafficking and it's something that real journalists should be doing instead of worrying about what Ye thinks about Nazis but of course they're totally focused on that and the royal family and what was the other thing they were obsessed with this week?
	Fucking Balenciaga, which Balenciaga is important actually.
	But they're usually obsessed with frivolous things as MS-13 uses these open borders to import kids, pretend that they're their children, and then use them as sex slaves and prostitutes and lookout spies, various other things.
	They abuse children.
	But the DNC and the media don't want to talk about it because it makes open borders look bad.
	So Project Veritas did an incredible expose on that.
	Digging into tomorrow, and then I'm obsessed with this male.
	M-A-I-L.
	It's a big thing in Canada.
	It's medically assisted end-of-life.
	I guess it should be male.
	Dr. Kevorkian.
	Yeah, but they are they are murdering 27 people a day.
	And it started out with stage four terminal cancer.
	I get that.
	You're dying.
	You're in incredible pain.
	You have a week left.
	You don't want to live for a week suffering intense pain.
	You're 87 years old.
	I understand that.
	Even as a Catholic, I get that.
	And I know other Catholics.
	At the Knights of Columbus, I asked them about that and they're like, ah, she's had a good run.
	This isn't an eight year old.
	But this is like depressed people, handicapped people.
	It's Nazi eugenics.
	10,000 people a year are being euthanized for being depressed.
	Basically inconvenient.
	They are culling the herd here.
	So as everyone freaks out about Ye saying Nazis are good people.
	We didn't say that.
	I like Nazis or whatever he said.
	Canada is practicing Nazi tactics and separating the wheat from the chaff.
	We kill blacks killed 20 blacks a day, and I know we have a bigger population But 27 Canadians a day dead by the government for being sad lonely elected inconvenienced Yet, they shouldn't be using those pictures They should be just showing a guy with like a beard who's a little blue because he hasn't had a girlfriend in five years and The mentally ill now.
	Who defines mental illness?
	That's the scary part.
	What about ADHD?
	What about bipolar?
	What about all these ambiguous verdicts?
	Because if he's mentally ill, who's to say that he can use the brain compact, the cognitive, to realize what he's doing?
	Yeah.
	Like insanity.
	Kill him on his own accord.
	He can't make the decision for himself.
	Right.
	All right, so Ryan, I want to make the free part short today, because we're too generous to these fucking... We call them Nuggles.
	We tried to call them Muggles, but we got sued by Harry Potter.
	Nuggles are people who only watch the show for free.
	Come on now, dawg.
	Come on, man.
	So we want to take some calls?
	Yes, so do the Ryan shut up thing you are on the air conversation.
	This is a fucking loser And why does that one get two things you have one thing thank you for calling from you Alright next call bye-bye Man that guy really owns bye-bye he does Where'd you get this net from - Home Depot. - You drove out to Home Depot?
	I did.
	But the the Yoohoo was the hardest thing to find.
	Where was the Yoohoo?
	Not at any CVS.
	Not at any gas station on the way.
	What about the Cubans down the street?
	Yeah.
	Coulda went to any bodega.
	I went to bodegas.
	I went to one bodega.
	What about the Cubans right down there?
	I didn't try that one.
	Because it was on the other side of the road and I went to the CVS.
	CVS is a huge selection.
	Hold on, hold on, hold on.
	No, no, no.
	The Yoohoo was the hardest thing to get.
	What about the Cubans?
	Oh, they were on the other side of the road.
	In fact, I'm pretty sure they don't have it because I wanted a Yoohoo.
	I'm pretty sure they do, dude.
	No, I wanted a Yoohoo once and they didn't have it.
	Neither did the pizza place down the street.
	You want to bet?
	Yes.
	Okay, I'll bet you.
	Ten dollars.
	Ten dollars.
	Right now.
	That the Cubans have Yoohoo.
	Shook.
	Shaken.
	Yep.
	Dick Van, can you do me a favor?
	Could you go down to the bodega?
	It's right outside.
	Sure.
	Uh, is that insulting?
	No.
	No.
	So, you just, you go out the door here, you walk down one block, two blocks, and you'll see it on the corner.
	I don't want to say the name of it, but if you, it's on this side of the street, so you keep walking, you'll pass.
	I don't want to say what you'll pass.
	Just, just text them the info, and then, uh.
	Yeah.
	Well, we got a call coming in.
	Okay, what do you want me to get?
	Thanks.
	Please buy a Yoohoo.
	Okay.
	It'll come out of my $10.
	I'll split the winnings.
	What's going on?
	Hey, man, what's up?
	Hey, I like your new sunglasses.
	I don't have a mic.
	Okay.
	I'm talking into Ryan's mic, I guess.
	Okay, I got my mic now.
	What's up, dog?
	Hey, Uhuru.
	- I got the mic buddy.
	Okay, I got my mic now.
	What's up dog? - Hey Uhuru. - Uhuru.
	- Hey, I'll make it quick.
	I got a theory I want to run by you guys.
	I'm looking for everyone's opinion on this one.
	Alright, so I don't think that lesbians are real.
	Alright?
	I think that women, some women that claim to be lesbians are those that are consistently rejected by men over the course of their lives.
	So they just have to kind of default to women or trick themselves into thinking they're like girls.
	But, like, I've seen first-hand accounts of, like, girls that think they're lesbos that Once they get the right guy, or, you know, once they get a good dick, get a good dicking down, they somehow are magically straight.
	So, I'm not convinced that lesbians are real.
	I wanna know your guys' thoughts.
	Well, as is said about the Jews not being a monolith, lesbians are not a monolith, and there's definitely a contingent that were molested by their dad or uncle, and a dick just gives them nightmares, so they managed to figure out how to get into pussy, which isn't hard.
	Woman are attractive.
	An alien would come down and if he had to look at a pair of tits or a bag he'd choose the pair of tits.
	So there's that contingent.
	There's definitely what you call the ugly contingent.
	I knew this girl named Amy back in early Vice days and she was a fat ugly Jew pig and she was a lesbian.
	She had some lesbian girlfriends but then some guy was interested in her and boom that was all over.
	So there's those.
	And then, and as a separate thing, I have noticed that they're all super sexually into each other when they're hot in college, and half the time it's to entertain a man.
	But then as soon as they get together and get older, you hear of lesbian bed death, LBD, and they don't fuck each other anymore.
	So, like a normal, sexy, lesbian couple with a strong sex life, it's kind of hard to picture.
	Like getting dressed up and going out.
	Even like the mayor of Chicago, that little Beetlejuice thing.
	Do you really see her 69ing her giant fucking big bird of a lesbian wife?
	You've hurt me today.
	I think it's a good theory.
	What do you think?
	I don't see it.
	What don't you see?
	Female couples, even the male couples like that.
	Well yeah, even with male couples, it's not like, you know, we've been together for 20 years!
	This is my number one!
	Like you say, those Instagram videos where they've made a pillow of the guy's dead wife, and they were married for like 70 years or whatever, and he just sees it and breaks down crying.
	Can you imagine a gay getting a pillow of his boyfriend who died and just crying?
	He'd be like, oh...
	Was that it?
	Was that Rico?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember him.
	Oh, that's fun.
	Okay, I'll put that over there.
	Well, most of them are very promiscuous.
	Yeah, one fucks way too much and the other doesn't fuck enough.
	So both are fake.
	We got four... No, I don't think homosexual men are fake.
	I've talked to enough about a pussy.
	Talked to enough of them about pussy to know that they're repulsed.
	Go ahead.
	407 about a wedding speech.
	Oh, good.
	I love this subject.
	Go ahead then, caller.
	407.
	Hello?
	407.
	I'm gonna mute it and unmute it.
	I'm guessing this is our fault.
	Hello?
	Just had a perfectly fine call.
	We've got a call.
	This is a free call from...
	An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
	This call is not private.
	It will be recorded and may be monitored.
	If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions to register this number as a private number.
	To accept this free call, press 1.
	To refuse this free, thank you for using Securus.
	You may start the conversation now.
	Hey Mercedes.
	Hey Gavin.
	You were live on the air.
	Is that advisable?
	Can't hear her so good.
	Can you not hear her?
	We're having trouble hearing you.
	Can you let me... Okay, I'll go get my phone.
	Yeah. - That's a juicy call. - So Matt, are you feeling good?
	Me?
	I'm hanging in there.
	A little tired.
	Nice.
	Well, not nice about tired, but...
	I look disheveled today.
	The cast iron skillet, I have not used it yet, but the wife was very impressed by the brand new sheen of it.
	Good stuff.
	Did she like the meat and cheese board?
	Oh my god, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	It was just, uh, amazing.
	Great episode, very, uh... Oh, very different.
	Moment of truth, Dickman is back with his $10 YooHoo.
	Oh, you're in trouble!
	He has YooHoo in hand.
	Damn it.
	Why didn't you go get it from the Cubans?
	Oh, they were across the street.
	Anyway, I went to five different places and I just couldn't find it.
	Well, that's across the street from here.
	I'm driving away from the studio, hitting five places before I get to even this area.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So, it's across the street, like, I would have to have turned around, like, gone forward and turned around.
	This is why you're dumb.
	It's no, it was nowhere near, like, that's a tiny Yuhu anyway.
	Look at my, look at my Yuhu.
	Oh yeah, you're right.
	Ours is way smaller.
	That's the Yuhu that Ye had.
	That's a Yehu.
	You don't have a Yuhu, you have a Yahweh.
	I have a Yehweh, and you have a different one.
	So, I got a different one?
	Yeah, it's smaller and shittier.
	It's smaller and shittier, is it?
	Look at it.
	It's literally smaller, and it's darker.
	I guess it is a little thinner.
	It's smaller.
	Look at the answer.
	See, this is why your brain never expands, because you're never wrong.
	But I found it.
	So you don't get any smarter.
	But why do I need to get the Yoo-Hoo from the place you want me to get the Yoo-Hoo from?
	Because it's right there!
	No, it's not.
	Your whole story is that you went to five places.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	On the way here, that were miles away.
	This would be like the last stop.
	Like, in other words, I found it before I came to this area.
	You know what I mean?
	Listen to yourself.
	So is your point, if it wasn't there, I'd be fucked?
	Yeah, that would be my last resort.
	Yeah, but we're not at the end of the world.
	But I hit a different bodega.
	If your car doesn't die, then you could go to other places in there.
	You went to five places.
	But why would I go there?
	And if it wasn't there, I'd have to now go back the other direction.
	Yeah, that's still less than what you did.
	You parked your car five times, Juan.
	But why would I do that when I'm trying to hit the spot that I think that they are?
	I think it's going to be at this pizza place.
	It wasn't!
	And then I hit the CVS which has a huge selection of beverages.
	Ryan, the secret to staying stupid is to never learn from your mistakes and to keep defending yourself.
	It's not a mistake.
	It's not a mistake!
	You have a YooHoo on your desk, stupid.
	It's a better YooHoo.
	It's not a mistake!
	I said they're right there and they are!
	But I wasn't near there yet.
	I got it before there.
	It's a better YooHoo.
	Better YooHoo.
	What's better?
	Hi Mercedes.
	I know you deal with a lot of morons in prison, but you should see the morons I deal with at work.
	It's stunning.
	You know, I'm in jail, so it's even worse.
	Oh yeah, I always think of jail as one year, and prison as more than that, but you've been there four years, it's still jail.
	Yeah, exactly.
	You're not supposed to be in jail for four years.
	But the American justice system is broken at India's.
	It sure is, and there's some weird coincidences surrounding you now.
	We got some flack from supporting you at the beginning, but you're sounding more innocent the longer this goes on.
	The two big coincidences around you are, one, they set your trial for January 6th, even though you have nothing to do with January 6th, obviously.
	And two, the last time we spoke on the show, You were moved to the most disgusting... The very next day, you and your cellie were moved to the most disgusting cell in the prison with caked shit and barf, diarrhea all over the walls.
	It took you how long to clean it off?
	Okay, yeah.
	So, literally, I talked to you live on the air.
	The next day, they come into our unit.
	I think it was about 10 cops coming to our unit the next morning with a bunch of trash bags.
	Click.
	And tell our entire unit to roll it up.
	You've got five minutes.
	They move it over to Unit 2, which had been previously a lockdown unit.
	Lockdown is for the mentally incompetent violence.
	Now, I'm talking to you.
	Animals.
	These are the guys who smear shit on the wall.
	These cells hadn't been cleaned in 30 years.
	They throw us some Ajax and some steel wool, no N95 masks.
	no gloves and say start cleaning.
	Wow.
	And yeah, it literally took me eight and a half hours to scrub my toilet.
	I timed it.
	But you're also inhaling all the fragments.
	Isn't your celly pregnant?
	My celly just had sinus surgery.
	Oh, that was it, yeah.
	Three weeks prior.
	And there was a woman in our unit who was nine months pregnant.
	And by the way, guess what?
	None of the bones worked in the unit.
	Yeah, so they moved us into a unit where we had no outside communication for like a week.
	None of the phones worked.
	The showers didn't work.
	So what they did is they limited our communication.
	So, you know, notice it's taking me a little bit to get back to you.
	Hey, I wanted to... You said Free Prints or whatever?
	I couldn't find that app.
	There's a bunch of apps called Free Prints, but I did find a prison app for sending photos.
	The only photos I have of you offhand are from the show in the old days where you'd have your shirt off.
	Now, I covered your nipples with big yellow dots, but am I allowed to send you?
	Is that considered too salacious?
	You know, I don't know if those will come through because they... You know what's funny?
	I tried to get a book.
	By Paul Johnson, called the Papacy.
	It's about the popes of Rome.
	And they wouldn't let me have it because there's a picture of the birth of Adam with Adam's flaccid penis.
	But these people in here can have footbooks that discuss, you know, violence and murder.
	What'd you say?
	Footbooks?
	Hood.
	Oh, hood books.
	Right, right, right.
	Yeah.
	But can't they just rip out the Adam Dick page, please?
	No, I can't have a book about the Popes of Rome, but people can have books about killing people and murder.
	Wow, I'm sorry to laugh, but that is insane.
	Okay, Mercedes, we gotta go, but thank you for calling in.
	I'm gonna try sending you those pics.
	By the way, there is also black mold all over this unit, so they're killing me in here, just so you know.
	Yeah, I can hear it in your voice.
	Yeah, so if I die in here, it's been good knowing all of you.
	Well, we'll pray that doesn't happen.
	Hey, anything's possible.
	I have said some really bad things about Hillary Clinton.
	Putting that on the record.
	Love you guys.
	Love you.
	Alright, bye.
	Oops, I just said I love her.
	I didn't mean to do that.
	Uh-oh.
	You love everybody.
	I gotta leave my wife now.
	8-5-8's on the line.
	Hey, 8-5-8.
	I think I got some mold in my chest from that phone call.
	Ryan, try to find the $100 ones from last week I didn't read, or two weeks ago.
	8-5-8!
	8-5-8!
	Jesus.
	Why is this rocket science, dude?
	Okay, hello?
	Hello, 8-5-8!
	We are fucking up.
	I know this long enough- I've been doing this long enough to know that when there's a problem- Hello?
	Alright, they're getting an echo, but let me just reconnect.
	You have a problem.
	The problem is a large percentage of your fans are fucking retards, at least that is evident from the comments section on censored.tv.
	Now you also have brilliant geniuses like myself, so there's a balance.
	And if you doubt I am in fact a brilliant genius, allow me to demonstrate.
	The best shows on censored.tv are GOML, AIU, Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen.
	And Ryan is an incredible talent, a great impressionist, and very funny.
	Please do a public service and tell Baby Monsters to stop being such retarded little faggots.
	Yes, the problem with Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen is it takes a day.
	Out of five.
	To shoot and edit.
	Yeah, it's an out and about shoot with multiple camera angles and audio.
	It's gotta be good or it's gonna look not so good.
	Oh, he's here.
	Hello, hello.
	What the fuck is going on there?
	What the fuck is going on?
	Turn off your fucking show there, guy.
	Ryan.
	Turn off the show, guy.
	Turn your radio off in the background.
	It's coming through.
	Ryan says yes.
	Holy fuck, this is annoying.
	I'm seeing your audios and everything.
	Hello!
	Okay, hang up on him.
	Funny every time.
	Just ridiculous.
	Hello?
	Yeah.
	Black people can only be heroes now in TV shows, says this guy who sends us a New York Post article about... Ryan.
	Oh my god.
	This is a different guy.
	Hello?
	Why are you saying Ryan?
	Hello?
	Ryan.
	Yes.
	Ryan.
	Yes.
	Matty.
	Yeah.
	Ryan, Matty, Gavin.
	Hello.
	You're the worst person in the world.
	I didn't mean that.
	Hello?
	If you're doing this just to make me nuts, I'm going to find your family and kill them.
	I think he hung up.
	- Hypothetically. - Yeah, have you heard this?
	Black people are mad.
	First of all, that there's no, the only bad guys in Wednesday the show are bad.
	Oh, the only black guys on Wednesday are bad?
	Yeah.
	Black people.
	There's a bad chick too.
	Sorry kids, you can't have it all ways.
	It's either you get to be all characters.
	You can't just be the cool ones.
	This is the same with feminists too.
	Where they're like, we wanna be action heroes.
	Okay, you can be action heroes.
	You also have to get involved in sanitation and doing service in Afghanistan, getting your heads blown off.
	What's going on with the calls, Ryan?
	I'm trying a different browser, but I mean, we had success with that one call, so I'm gonna go back to it if that didn't work.
	This one is just for Matty.
	Dear Matty, love the show, brother.
	You're a pleasure to watch in the kitchen.
	I'm seeking some of your kitchen wisdom.
	See, my wife is the laziest person I know and she refuses to clean the oven.
	We inherited this oven when we bought our shitty little house.
	So basically, the only way it's going to be cleaned up is if I do it.
	Do you have a certain method to cleaning an oven or any helpful tips on how?
	Thank you for your time.
	I've included a picture of my son.
	He loves watching MSLK.
	He screeches while you give your outro.
	Nice.
	He's a diehard baby monster.
	Nice.
	And then he sent pictures here, but Ryan's probably too busy to show them.
	I mean, I don't know how old the oven is.
	Like, most modern ovens have a self-cleaning mode.
	But, in Mattie's Kitchen, we don't have one of those either.
	So, I just get like, easy off, put the oven on 500, spray it in there, let it rock and roll for a few hours, go in there and wipe it all down with a sponge.
	Oh, you get the oven heated up to 500 and you spray that shit in?
	Shit on?
	Yeah.
	Easy off.
	And it comes off easy?
	It's aptly named?
	Yeah.
	Most self-cleaning ovens will go higher than 500 degrees, because once you go over like, I think it's 800 degrees, everything just burns, everything just burns off.
	Right, right.
	So, but most, my oven, it's a piece of shit electric oven, I think goes like maybe 500 degrees.
	But that's where EZ Off comes in.
	So that's kind of a dumb question, dude.
	Like, have you never heard of EZ Off?
	Go there, read the directions on the can.
	I mean, the key to it is, you know, clean as you go.
	So if you use your oven and something, like, overspills in it, clean up right away.
	Don't leave it in there and then use the oven again and you keep baking stuff onto the walls and the floor and everything in the oven.
	Then it just becomes, like, caked on.
	Alright, let's, uh... I think this guy's here.
	- Hello, hello?
	Nope.
	Doesn't work Lizzie there hello, sir.
	Are you there?
	Hi, can you hear me?
	Yes, I can hear you.
	Hello.
	Alright, good stuff.
	So I got a question.
	That's evident when you call in to a show.
	So you're a big fan of Better Call Saul, correct?
	Yes.
	Maybe my number one.
	Well last I remember you said that you have yet to watch Breaking Bad.
	I did watch a couple episodes.
	It stressed me out.
	I didn't really believe the main character.
	He didn't seem believable to me.
	So I kind of bailed after three episodes.
	Oh, you got to stick on, man.
	I know so many people that say that they've bailed in season one.
	And I've gotten a couple of them to go back onto the show.
	And it's just... Me and my wife have debated about this because we just watched through Better Call Saul for the first time.
	And we had both previously watched Breaking Bad.
	We watched them back to back and it's like a seamless story.
	So you start with Breaking Bad and then you end with Better Call Saul or you do Better Call Saul first?
	We do Better Call Saul first.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Honestly, they're kind of interchangeable though because like a lot of characters from Better Call Saul show up in Breaking Bad and vice versa.
	But I mean, I guess the last couple episodes of Better Call Saul kind of tell you what happens at the end of Breaking Bad, but I just, I feel like it's super worth, super worth the watch.
	But chronologically, they're designed like Better Call Saul is a prequel to Breaking Bad.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's the prequel to Breaking Bad, but there's kind of the jumping back and forth in the final season there.
	Is that chick, is Saul's girl?
	Wait a minute.
	That would mean that Saul is in prison for all of Breaking Bad.
	No, no, no.
	So the black and white stuff that happens at the end of Better Call Saul happens after Breaking Bad.
	So you're contradicting yourself now.
	No, no, no.
	So there's the Better Call Saul story.
	It ends after the stuff with Lalo and all that, and then you get the time jump.
	You get a couple of scenes set during Breaking Bad.
	Okay, so to answer what you're saying, it should go first a lot of Better Call Saul, then you watch Breaking Bad, and then you watch the last part of Better Call Saul.
	Yeah, and you fit El Camino.
	Well don't say yeah like it's nothing.
	We just figured out what you were saying was wrong.
	I'm sorry, what was that?
	Originally you said it's chronologically perfect to watch all of Better Call Saul and then start episode one of Breaking Bad and everything will fit.
	But at the risk of giving out spoilers, Mr. Goodman is in prison at the end of Better Call Saul and he's a lawyer with Breaking Bad.
	So now, there's a Venn diagram where Breaking Bad occurs somewhere before the end of Better Call Saul.
	So we have to stop at a certain episode, I don't know what it is, then watch all of Breaking Bad, and then go back to Better Call Saul.
	Yeah, no, sorry, I misunderstood for a second there.
	I was just saying for your purposes, having already seen all of Better Call Saul, I mean you could watch all of Breaking Bad and then revisit those last three episodes.
	I'm talking to the world now.
	What should the world do?
	You're asking about what's going... So yeah, Saul isn't in prison in Breaking Bad.
	Clearly.
	So what would be the proper chronology to enjoy both of those shows if you haven't seen either?
	Okay, yeah, so the proper chronology for that would be Better Call Saul up until the last three episodes, Breaking Bad, and then the last three episodes of Better Call Saul.
	Okay, thank you for calling.
	Finally, we worked that out.
	Dickman, you're saying no to that.
	Why wouldn't you just watch it the way the creators intended you to see it?
	Yeah?
	Well, is that what the creators intended?
	I haven't seen season six of Better Call Saul.
	Because with Star Wars, wasn't it designed for a newcomer to start with like whatever it was, one of the prequels?
	I think it started in episode four of Star Wars.
	Yeah, so didn't, what's his name, George Lucas want you to start with the fourth?
	Yes.
	Okay, so maybe they want, maybe the creators want you to start chronologically if you're a newbie.
	Well, did they write Better Call Saul?
	Did they write Better Call Saul?
	Is it all written as one long story?
	Because they would have told it that way.
	I don't know.
	Well, they didn't know it was going to be such a hit.
	I don't know.
	I think that they thought, let's leave it open.
	By the way, you owe me 10 bucks.
	Oh, yeah.
	Can you believe he was arguing?
	Well, this one's a better YooHoo.
	I was right.
	It's bigger and better.
	It's the one that was appearing on the show of Yay.
	Yeah.
	If we had just used this one, people would go, what the fuck?
	I got a net.
	That's a quarter inch skinnier than what Ye had.
	This joke bombed.
	Meanwhile, Ye's net was an inch by an inch.
	We have a thing for getting bugs out of a pool.
	But yeah, you're right.
	The quarter inch width is a real stickler.
	I'm never wrong.
	See if you can dig up those $100 ones.
	I'm very concerned I fucked someone over.
	There was one that just said, uh, time to wrap it up boys.
	Get fired, get in trouble.
	Okay, well if you pay a hundred bucks, you get a read.
	That's the deal.
	If you pay less than a hundred, we put it up there and everyone can see it.
	Oh shit.
	I wanted to get out of here within a half an hour.
	So put the super chats up, give me 10 bucks and we'll wrap this up.
	Okay.
	Here's the super chat that we missed.
	That is a hundred dollars.
	Okay.
	This has gone on long enough.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave and never stop fighting.
	Ryan, roll the credits.
	Okay.
	It's weird to read that now, but, uh, yeah.
	And then is there another one?
	That was the only hundred dollar one.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, it's weird that that guy sent a letter to the mailbag going, what the fuck?
	I bet it's a hundred bucks.
	He didn't read it.
	This guy's online.
	Go ahead.
	Call it.
	Who's in line?
	This is seven bucks.
	That's because I bought a company, YooHoo.
	No, no.
	I've been reimbursed for my... That's not how it works.
	We bet ten bucks.
	You owe me ten bucks, Mr. Never Wrong.
	The whole point of bets, too, is the guy gets the ten bucks and he's like, haha, I was right.
	You don't fuck someone over by paying in pennies or subtracting a YooHoo.
	How do I get paid back for my YooHoo?
	We'll work that out later.
	You and I had a bet.
	You pay the ten bucks for the bet.
	Alright, here I come.
	So much teaching with this guy.
	A lot of waiting.
	Yep.
	Seven plus three is ten.
	It's not rocket science, guys.
	Cole, are you on the line?
	Yeah, what did you mean when you said this guy's on the line?
	Yeah, what's going on, Cole?
	Hello?
	Hi.
	Hi.
	You're on.
	Hi.
	Uh, you guys, you guys are coming through like Max Headroom.
	Okay.
	I don't care.
	What's your question?
	Okay.
	Um, I have a suggestion for you guys, uh, to help beat the trolls.
	Uh, I want to preface this by saying I was at the Chicago show and you guys did a fantastic job the way you, uh, got the show together and handled yourself.
	So Bravo.
	But, um, uh, I'd like to know if I should waste my time or not and, uh, email you guys suggestions.
	Um, How to defeat Antifa to get your show through without a hitch.
	I'm sorry?
	So you're calling a show to ask if you should email a show. - I'm sorry? - I said you're calling a show and you're wondering if you should email this show. - Well, yeah, I don't want to take a whole email and you say I don't want to take a whole email and you say like, "Fuck this guy, Bullshit.
	Oh, okay.
	So you want to guarantee that I will like your email?
	No, I just want to get, uh, should I even bother?
	You like take suggestions like that?
	Roll the dice!
	I think you're gonna have to roll the dice, but God bless you for being cautious and making sure you had permission to send a FUCKING EMAIL!
	What kind of call is that?! !
	Jesus Christ!
	Get it together, man!
	Thank you for calling.
	Fuck!
	Alright, that's enough.
	The Yoohoo thing set me on a bad spiral and now I'm pissed off so I'll be taking it out on the next callers, but they'll all be behind the paywall.
	So they'll be used to the abuse as far as you freeloading nuggles.
	Thank you for tuning in.
	This has been a very unique episode of Get Off My Lawn Live.
	We have another hour to go with our people.

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