All Episodes
Previous Next
March 29, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:30:45
S4E101 - BLACK SPRINKLES
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
What was the drums?
New York band, put out an album every two years or so.
Been around for about 10 years, five albums.
Fantastic, fun little band my wife turned me on to.
I guess she listens to KEXP a lot and she learns about the hot new shit, even though that's 10 years old.
I can't listen to KEXP because they went woke and they suck now in the mornings.
Speaking of my wife, my sex strike worked.
A lot of negative nellies, baby monsters telling me that it's stupid to do that and I'm never going to get laid.
You have to temper the strike with grumpiness, too.
You're not just like super fun, happy-go-lucky guy who also didn't get laid.
Then it's win-win.
I was on strike the whole week, but I was grumpy all week.
Very curt, no texts, no jokes.
Then there was suggestions of intercourse.
There was elaborate outfits involved.
I got the top of the line everything.
And then Pavlov was very fun and friendly after that.
In fact, we partied till the wee hours on Sunday night at Gavstav.
By the way, the sign for GavzTav looks amazing.
It's amazing.
I couldn't have dreamed for anything better.
Holy shit.
You know when you think of something in your head and then you finally get it and you go, eh, that's similar, but oh well, nothing's perfect.
This is way better than what was in my head.
Damn.
Shall I show you?
Yeah.
Of course it occurs.
He says, where should I mail it to?
And I'm like, I guess I got to give away our address.
And then I thought, no, let's not even risk it with that.
Let's send it to another guy.
Sorry.
I should have had this ready earlier.
Here we go.
You're not going to believe this.
It is stunning.
Try to hide his fucking email and all that.
But it's not just cut out.
It seems kind of like cut out and rounded in a weird, groovy way.
And it's shiny, too.
You can't really see the shine in this particular shot I sent you.
What the fuck was that?
I hate when that...
I don't even know what it is, but I don't like it.
I think it was mine thing here.
Computer, what's wrong?
Everything seems to be working.
If something looks wrong, you can use the Alexa app to submit feedback.
Computer, why were you yellow?
A pulsing yellow light is an indication your device may have unread notifications, messages, or you may have missed a reminder.
Computer, please read notifications.
These are going to suck, by the way.
One new notification from Amazon Shopping.
Your return for bird feeder.
Okay, thank you very much.
Ew, you got a bird feeder?
Oh, man.
What, that's embarrassing?
Yeah.
Fucking Derek from More Place, More Dates here.
Fucking bird feeders are like really low in all-ergeninine, L-carnisine, and L-citrilline.
So if you're a new with the remarkably low T is making fun of me for a bird feeder?
Bird feeders are cool.
Feeding birds is fucking not enough.
The reason I shut her up is I was scared she was going to say my address.
Oh, true.
But yeah, the bird feeder I got was more China crap.
The software doesn't work.
It purports to be a bird feeder that takes a picture of the bird, which is the bald eagle, and then tells you that it's the bird which is the bald eagle.
But this thing that it was garbage.
Gav stav.
But look how gorgeous that is.
That looks really low-res, right?
It is.
These pictures were like one kilobyte by one kiloninobyte.
Really?
It wasn't on my side.
Look at this.
I had to blow it up.
Don't show my home bar, you fucking idiot.
Well, it's blurred.
Well, it's blurred?
Jesus Christ.
No, no, no, I mean it's blurred in post.
Like, nobody could see it.
So yeah, you got to temper the strike with grumpiness if you want it to be effective.
But it was effective.
My life couldn't be better.
And I've sent the message that when Gav gets regular horsing around, the world's a funner place to be in.
Also in the news, our con ad bills are so fucking insane.
Our con ad bill for this studio is $25 a day.
Now, these lights are all LED.
They don't use any electricity.
There's zero heat from them.
They're the new fangled.
This is in the 50s anymore.
So lights are not hot.
They don't use a lot of electricity.
Cameras, computers, they're not that big on power.
This is all just binary shit.
And then the lights in the bar, the lights, it's just lights.
Lights and computers and cameras.
$25 a day.
Now, obviously there's heating in that.
But it hasn't been that cold.
You can hear the heating come on on the show, and it's pretty hot.
What?
You're right.
But What did you just say?
No, I accidentally played a video.
Who is that guy?
Is that like some YouTube bodybuilding dude that only you are into?
He's the guy that makes your fucking pre-workout energy drink.
Yeah, Brian, stop advertising these fucking weirdos no one's heard of.
This guy is the most popular man in the sub space.
Called, why the fuck is Trent Turning Me Homosexual?
Substantiated underscore hand.
He seems awesome.
He was on Rogan.
No, he is awesome.
He's based.
He was on Rogan?
He was on Rogan.
He's based.
And he's got fucking huge delts.
And he makes these great products.
Are those your real delts?
Or are you wearing football pads?
Go to sensor.tv to get some incredible merch.
And guess how much my Coned bill is for my home?
$15 a day.
$50.
Our last bill for a month was $1,600.
Is that right?
Yeah.
$50 a fucking day.
I'm like, is the dryer on non-stop?
What the fuck is going on?
And then I talked to other people, and their bills were similar, not as bad as mine, but they were like $1,100, $1,200.
Now, we were doing a lot of renovations, so the doors were open and stuff, but that's not the reason.
People are getting like $30 a day.
The studios, $15 a day.
Con Ed in the upper, in the northeast is out of fucking control.
Well, let's just go to somewhere else.
Let's go to renewable energy, non-fossil fuels, like wind and solar.
You know what percentage of vehicles in the world use oil-based fuel and not solar or anything else, not electric?
98%.
We've spent $5 trillion in the past 20 years in America trying to get more wind and solar, and we've increased wind and solar by maybe 2% or 3%.
It's hopeless.
Stop it.
They look so fucking dumb.
In Costa Rica, the entire skyline is just filled with fucking wind turbines.
Windmill, not windmills, but you know, the big giant stupid pieces of shit.
It's so frustrating.
It's so ugly.
Now, you know what they did in Costa Rica?
They made a man-made lake and then harnessed the energy from draining that lake into the river system.
That actually worked pretty well for them.
But wind and solar, can you just stop, please?
You look so stupid.
It's embarrassing, actually.
I'm embarrassed to see those fucking things.
Wind energy.
There's a whole factory, likely powered by gas and coal, that is on base there, constantly fixing these dumb things.
All right.
I don't want to have any money.
Let's...
I want to get into racism in a second here.
But before we do, I often talk about the sprinkles, and you guys often send me people who are just humorous.
That's not magical.
Magical, the magic in humor involves very specific timing.
It's a magic thing.
I don't know if Ryan has it, actually.
That last thing you did, Ryan, with the with the Mets and the Yankees, I was watching it and I was like, it needs one more second at the end.
Like a little punctuation at the end.
Just like one more.
And maybe you're just not funny.
That could be the evidence to I'm not funny.
That could be it.
I know you're not in focus.
No.
Yes.
But that's funny to be not in focus.
Nope.
Not the 3,000th time.
I think one of the best bits, one of the best shticks that we did in a long time, I had to do with.
Up with wet jeans anyway.
What's the difference?
No need for that.
There's no need for that.
How dare you?
You go peepee in your pants.
How dare you?
That hurts like fucking hell.
I'm not going to lie.
This is me sleeping as Gavin.
That insult hurts like fucking hell.
Oh, I'm pissing him.
Really good insult that really hurts.
Oh, I'm pissing him Gavin.
Yep.
You got me.
It happens.
Even drunk, I'm funny.
But anyway, back to this old.
I'm in a blackout, and I'm still amusing.
It's like drunken kung fu.
The drunken master.
The drunken master.
The drunken master.
Like, that was hilarious.
Drunken master.
It's a difficult drunken master.
Okay, so I know this ruins a joke.
It's like discussing sex.
But we're going to ruin the joke by super analyzing it.
But I want you to focus on the delivery here of this bit.
And I've lost your laugh.
You're going to ruin the laugh.
But just enjoy the sprinkles, the magic talent.
This can't be learned.
Even the title, Just Two Guys Enjoying the Swans.
Enjoying the Swans.
What's better than this, man?
Nothing, man.
Can't beat it.
Can't beat it.
We got to figure out how to talk to one of them.
I was just thinking, like, this is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, I don't really want to be doing this with you.
It's too romantic.
I mean, if you want the kiss, we could, but.
Just two guys enjoying the swans.
What's better than this, man?
Okay, like.
Wait, turn it up.
Go back to the beginning.
Can you go back to the beginning?
Just two guys enjoying the swans.
What's better than this, man?
Nothing, man.
Can't beat it.
Can't beat it.
Okay, keep going.
Beat it.
1, 1,000, 2, 1,000.
We got to figure out how to talk to a woman.
Like three seconds, and then we got to figure out how to talk to a woman.
And then he beautifully Venn diagrams his next line on top of that.
And the tone is like, we got to figure out how to talk to a woman, man.
So it's going down like that.
And then he, with his higher voice, goes on top of the end of the, we got to figure out how to talk to a woman with, I was just thinking that.
So then you go, all right, that's enough joke for me.
You could stop it now, right?
And then they give you a little bit more.
Just thinking, like, this is getting ridiculous.
I don't really want to be doing this later.
This is too romantic.
I mean, if you want to kiss, we could, but just two guys enjoying the swan.
And in a way, that's kind of comedy in twos, right?
Just two guys enjoying the swan doesn't count.
We really need to figure out just thinking that.
That's one.
And then if you want to kiss, we could.
What?
That's two.
Comedy comes in threes.
Those guys did it in two, and it was still fun.
You might count the funny.
You might count the sharp edit at the end as the third of the three.
Yeah, I think so.
Well, it's all really part of that same second.
It's kind of stand-up-ish because it's like set up, two guys enjoying the swans, punchline.
Yeah, we really got to get the fuck.
And then a tag is like, we could kiss if you want.
So it's kind of like...
I guess it's all one.
It's a three-part oneer.
Well, what's the three, though?
Well, it's like set up, punchline, tag.
Hmm.
But that doesn't even...
I was going to say, like, part of it reminded me of Key and Peel, the overlapping.
But they soared into originality at the end.
I wonder if they planned that in advance.
I think so, yeah.
Or if they're, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Could have been a couple takes, who knows?
Who are those dudes?
I don't know.
Oh, that's someone else posting it, though.
Let's see, TikTok.
Usually has a...
Wait, wait, wait.
Look, look, Vine Energy LOL pickup lines.
LOL pickup lines and then also CC box top.
So let's see these.
This is memes.
This might be them.
Yeah.
So he's a stand-up comedian.
Oh, let's hear his shit.
Sometimes I'll do this.
I'll see a sprinkles.
I'll look the guy up and then he won't have the sprinkles.
And I realized, oh, he fell into some sprinkles.
There's a guy that I follow that's like that too.
Every post is very disappointing.
Like I saw this Indian dude and he was like, when you get blankets for your friends at a sleepover, and he shows up with the blankets, and there's like a guy sleeping with a TV on him.
Someone is using a chair as a blanket.
Someone is using someone else as a blanket.
And I remember that from being a kid at sleepovers.
And then I looked at his other shit and it wasn't funny.
And then I realized, oh, it's a meme.
Everyone is doing this like blankets at the sleepover thing.
Boxtop, first mate prance.
He does the he-him thing on his.
Oh, that's a bad sign.
He-him?
He-him.
Isn't that redundant?
You can only say your pronouns if you have stupid gay pronouns.
Y'all got two more minutes of being cute.
If it goes any longer, y'all are dying tonight.
I'm the night though.
Y'all are dying tonight?
That's pretty funny.
Wait, what does he say about the Confederates?
Rep in the Confederacy in Brazil is crazy.
Y'all don't even go here.
That's pretty funny.
Okay, that was fun.
Lots of pictures of him on stage.
That's funny that he was making fun of that.
Okay, can you put in some jokes, dude?
Does he not want to give away his jokes for free?
We got his TikTok, same thing, box top.
Yep, we'll play it.
It doesn't link automatically, so we have to find it.
TikTok.
TikTok.
TikTok, as you may know, is Urdu for A-O-K, groovy dude.
So if you're ever in a taxi and you want to make the guy laugh, just say, everything is Tikka.
Everything is TikTok.
And they go, holy shit, you know, it's Urdu.
Oh, this is a follow-up to the Swans.
Oh, nice.
So a sequel.
Good bookend to the Swans.
This looks beautiful out here, yep.
I just, when I said we needed girls, I meant for us.
I mean, they look happy, though, so it's like, it's whatever.
Bro, they're on a date while we're peddling.
This is basically a job.
That's fair.
I mean, it's more to make them jealous.
No.
That's just a rule.
That's funny.
I mean, if you're getting jealous, we could kiss.
I like how we spelled kiss, K-I-H-S.
I don't know why that's funnier.
You want to try one more?
No.
Okay, okay.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Right, right, right.
Number one rule of gambling.
When you're up, get out.
Same with boners.
Second you get an erection, leave the bedroom and don't go near your wife or you'll end up fucking her.
Interesting.
Yes.
Okay, let's get in.
Let's start the show.
Right.
And get into some racism.
Okay, so these are two good things that we should do.
Some great things coming up.
I think there's a truck coming from here.
No.
There is.
It comes from here and it goes there.
Just about.
So I'm going to face here.
Yes.
And get ready for the truck to come.
Because it's coming.
Because we're starting the show.
Bam.
Starting now.
Hey, go the bell.
Five Trump.
Three, two, one.
So we just earned some points by liking black people.
So now we can go back to zero by discussing what a mess affirmative action is.
But let's start with fucking the racism thing.
I'm a black female.
What other different...
What else could I have done to piss you off?
Black woman?
This is really inconvenient.
Affirmative action is going strong.
I just, I can't express enough.
I was talking to two South Africans at a local tavern, and they were, it's fun to hear people of another culture talk amongst themselves because it's like no holds barred.
I notice people from other countries, they don't like talking about their other country.
Have you noticed that?
Like even today, there was a boxer at the gym and he's like, number one man in Uzbekistan, I hear Larry Barnes say.
And I go, oh, you're from Uzbekistan?
The chicks are hot there.
I like that look.
Kind of Asian, kind of not, kind of Russian.
Weird, ambiguous brunettes, ethnically ambiguous brunettes, Eabs.
And he was like, and then he's wrapping his wraps.
And I go, isn't that the place where they steal chicks?
Like they put them in a bag?
You put your wife in a bag where you just throw her in the car?
And he's like, that's Leah Ramini.
That's where they're made.
Look, this is the Gavs type factory in Uzbekistan.
I'd fuck every single person there.
She's getting it.
They're all getting it.
Except for that one on the right who looks like a baby.
Oh, that looks like Mercedes.
They're all getting it.
I'm shtupping her.
They got the cheekbones.
Like your boy.
Like your boy?
Yeah.
They got my cheekbones.
What a weird thing to reference when you're talking about beautiful women.
They got the high cheekbones.
Look how beautiful they are.
They have beautiful big cheekbones like me.
Mile-high cheekbones on runway looks like I do.
I'm basically her.
Yep.
Thank you.
But yeah, look that up.
I think in Uzbekistan, they just steal brides.
Like you see a woman you like.
I assume you can only do it once, right?
You can't have a bunch of brides.
And they scream and yell and hate it, but I don't think they do.
Somewhere around there, somewhere in Eurasia, they just steal their chick.
Sounds awesome to me.
That's romantic.
Yeah, but Ryan, that's not the most fun thing to do in a video show.
Karakalpak bride?
No love lost in Karakalpak.
Old practice of abducting women persists despite opposition from Uzbekistan Muslim clerics and the forced brides themselves.
Love will find a way.
Show us video of this, you retard.
People don't want to tune into a TV show to look at Wikipedia entries.
It's not exciting.
Oh, good.
Vice, my alma mater.
Are we clicking it?
Sure.
Always feels like, I don't watch Vice shit because it feels like betrayal.
Yeah.
But I've seen things that made me want to watch it.
And I'm like, I can't.
How serious are they when they're screaming no?
No, please don't.
Oh, oh.
Oh, that chick's ugly.
She's hairy.
Dude, she's nude.
There's baby balls.
I named him baby balls.
Oh, yeah, baby balls.
Aha, we got you in the hole.
I called him baby balls because once he was going to, for 100 bucks, he was going to break a thing of ketchup on his head.
And I was like, A, your best case scenario is you knock yourself out.
B, the worst case scenario is that glass is like thick, dude.
You're going to cut your head open.
You could have facial paralysis.
So I talked him out of it.
We're going to go.
His first wife was so hot.
Massive tits, but unfortunately, vice culture.
They broke up.
Kyrgyzstan is a tiny landlocked country next to me.
Funny, remember once he was mocking me for believing in IQ?
And then, like, a few months later, his wife, because they were still married when I knew them, goes, yeah, well, Thomas has his IQ is 160 or some crazy number.
And I was like, oh, so we like IQ when it's in our favor.
How convenient.
Can we see someone steal a fucking bride, please?
I don't need your gay.
There we go.
How it works is, guy wants to marry a girl, gets a few of his friends together, they grab the girl off the street, then they drive her back to his place, and his mom and aunts try to convince her that marrying their son is the right move, even if he's a total stranger.
We'd heard a young East Kyrgyz villager named Kabanti was in the market for a bar.
Yeah, that's not grand larceny.
That's just a mystic.
Well, it's not worth it.
Like, I've seen some girls, like, fucking, what's her name?
Kim Taylor Bennett.
Like, I could kidnap her and understand that the first year or two, she's going to be pretty sad.
But eventually, with treats and cakes and TV privileges and even a walk, I let her go for a walk month four.
Dang.
Yeah.
Eventually she'd learn to love me.
Budding photographers.
Let's get back to racism, please.
Oh, yes.
So affirmative action, yes.
I like how we assume that affirmative action is still what the original idea was, which is poor people who deserve these jobs finally get them and we're evening it out.
And to go back to the South African thing I started this with, I overheard two South Africans saying, you know the GEDs?
Yeah, yeah.
When were you last back home?
I was back home.
What gives you the right to ask me when I was back home?
And he goes, yeah, the GEDs for your high school diploma, it was down to 40%.
You needed a 40 out of 100 to get one.
And he goes, you know what it is now?
Well, zero.
I've told you this before, but zero to get a GED in South Africa.
In other words, it means nothing.
And we're headed there with this bullshit affirmative action.
So check out these APOCs, African-American people of color, who are bragging trends like this will get people killed.
Just wait until they start ramping this up with fields like engineering.
Yeah, or medicine, getting accepted into law school with a low LSAT and GPA.
Full tuition scholarship.
Good.
Is this what affirmative action was supposed to do?
Made a C in chemistry, got put out of honors program on technicality, barely did research, didn't shadow.
GPA was good, but could have been better.
Professors wouldn't give me the time of day.
Mediocre MCAT.
Applied the very last day.
Was told I wouldn't get into med school.
Current MS3.
Can you not work on me?
Like what this says to me is if you see a black doctor, say, can I get a second opinion, please?
I saw on Twitter that you guys cheat.
Like real black doctors who deserve to be there must not be happy with this trend.
And then there's a whole bunch.
Getting accepted, law school, low LSATs.
142, low LSAT score.
Getting accepted in law school, low LSAT score.
Please do not waste your time applying to law schools.
How to get into law school with low GPA.
All black women.
Okay.
Now they're anesthesiologists.
Okay, sir, count backwards from 10 because I think you're going to be out for this operation.
Or you might be awake.
You might wake up in the middle.
Or you might die.
Oh, hi, I'm an engineer.
I'm designing this crucial piece of a Boeing 747.
Hope I get it right.
I don't deserve to be here.
What a tangled web we weave.
Look at this guy.
This poor guy's like, why most won't make it 175 plus, and that's going to hold you back.
I had 177.
Didn't work for me.
What you could do to get a lot of money.
Look how much Adderall he had to take to get into law school.
This is what white males have to do to compete with affirmative action.
They have to eat a bowl of cereal that's Adderall.
He took so much Adderall, he looks like Gypsy Crusader.
I don't know how that works.
He took so much Adderall, he has four eyebrows.
I thought this was interesting, saying the quiet part out loud.
If you recall, at Charlottesville, those stupid, evil Nazis were marching with tiki torches, and they were saying Jews will not replace us.
The indication was that Jews are for open borders and for demographic change in this country because they don't like, they don't consider themselves white and they hate white people.
So they want to breed white people out of existence.
Jews want that.
This is what they said.
Then you see this article, 1.6.
Wait, is that it?
That's the link?
Oh, shit.
Klaus Arminus.
Okay.
Well, you can show that while I get you this thing.
Is this our buddy Nas?
This is our buddy Nas talking about how he went to London and there's not a lot of white people there.
It's awesome.
If it isn't obvious, I'm not white.
I'm brown.
You're white.
Growing up in the Middle East, I thought white people lived in places like London.
But now that I'm a grown-up in London, I realized I was wrong.
I am inbred.
I'm a grown-up.
I have the IQ of a fish.
Who says I'm a grown-up?
Who wears a sweatshirt of how close they are to death every day?
Kind of glum, is it not?
Was wrong.
London is not white.
Turns out, British white people in London are the minority.
And the majority is India.
France.
People from all races and colors.
This place has 300 languages spoken of.
You know what's funny?
Stop.
The only two groups that have really assimilated in London are Jamaicans and Indians.
And that's because they're former British colonies who grew up on British culture.
Pakistanis, not so much.
The inbreeding in the Muslim world is not good for their assimilation.
And it's ironically why Nasir is such a fucking retard, because he's Palestinian.
It's not a joke.
Go ahead.
Former British clerks.
That's a great theory.
I feel that way about women.
The more men a woman spreads her legs for, the more men can call her their girlfriend.
And I think I know why.
Yeah.
By the way, I saw Jackass last night.
I know I'm a little late to the game.
But now that they're getting woke, they have women and blacks involved.
And I didn't realize it before, but it's weird to see blacks getting shot at with paintball guns and chased with tanks.
Or falling or wiping out and everyone laughing at them wipe out because we've been conditioned to see them as victims.
And to have a bunch of white people laughing.
And then you realize, wait a minute, why am I so comfortable seeing a guy kicked in the balls?
Like, they have one of the best heavyweight boxers in the world punch this dude in the nuts.
And it's funny because the boxer's black and the guy's white.
But if the guy was white and the boxer was white and the guy was black, you'd be like, that'd be really odd.
So it's a weird world where we are, in the name of equality, we're introducing blacks to all the bad stuff.
And I think white people are the only people who can take getting kicked in the nuts and thrown off a cliff and shot out of a cannon.
We're the Vikings originally.
We're a resilient bunch.
But when we see it happening to blacks, we go, that's mean.
It's like what I always say about farting.
My kids can fart on me, no problem.
They fart on mom.
They're losing screen time.
That's a biggie.
It's sort of like this thing, Bridgeport.
Go to 1-2.
Have you seen this?
They're reinventing England.
Queen Charlotte, I guess she was like around the time of Mary Antoinette.
Clearly a white woman.
This is 1-2.
And she's portrayed as an old black lady in this show.
And it's blacks wanting to be aristocrats.
Now, Queen Charlotte did have blacks around her.
She owned them.
So the problem with putting blacks, look, that woman, Queen Charlotte, was white and she had plenty of black servants that she owned.
So by making these people black, you're making them okay with the fact, like that woman, the real woman, they all had black helpers, servants, whatever.
So these people, these black aristocrats are okay with slavery.
Oops.
What a tangled web we weave when we enforce equality.
Incompetent doctors, lawyers.
We have old aristocrats complicit with slavery.
Come here, old friends.
This is my sister.
Duke.
I would recognize him anyway.
It's all about blacks humping white girls.
It's all about mixed-race couples.
Okay, go to the next one.
Look at Queen Charlotte.
Wait, in Wikipedia, I think there's a good picture of her.
Maybe it's 1-4.
Yeah, go to 1-4.
The only black person that she was remotely associated with is serving her.
Go to the right-hand side?
Yeah.
There she is.
That's a black woman, according to...
This is Shonda Rhimes, the one who did all these other stupid fucking Netflix shows where she crowbars black people into them.
What are you doing?
Oh.
Go to the other pictures, though.
From that same Wikipedia.
Keep going.
That's kind of blackish.
No.
You don't see a little.
I guess not.
I saw a picture with a little black servant.
I thought it was on that.
Anyway.
Speaking of the depiction of African Americans in film and television, I want to take him.
There you go.
Oh, there he is.
You know what's funny?
I didn't see him before.
Because he wasn't smiling.
Yeah.
He wasn't going like this.
That's terrible.
It's not terrible.
You know, Steve Saylor says there might be some sort of historical merit to this.
Right.
Because before electricity, you told stories around the campfire in the dark.
And if you want to emote, we need to see you.
So it might make more sense to be going like this when you're telling a story to help convey it.
You're like, happy.
So maybe this is a natural evolution of storytelling.
Who knows?
Why is everybody in your stories always happy, Leroy?
Okay, let's do a green screen about epochs.
Apochs.
Epochs.
Epochs.
I just want to sort of have a little moment to talk to NASA and the Fields Medal.
The area of science as it applies in our day-to-day seems to have forgotten African Americans.
And it's obvious to me that people of color would make great astronauts, great mathematicians.
We have Terrence Howard doing talks at Oxford about the Otis symbos.
Yet, if you look at, like, look at this Cobalt JBL team from NASA.
Look at these guys.
Zoom in on them.
This is what NASA thinks science is in this day and age.
One black dude.
And they're very careful with their pictures because they're aware of their diversity problem.
So this is probably the most diverse picture you can find.
Every time you look at NASA, they try to drum up as many women and they'll do a thing like, here's our whole staff.
And they'll throw in the fucking cafeteria staff and stuff to get their numbers up.
But it is disgusting, deplorable, and quite frankly, sad how few people of color there are at this space and aeronautics company.
It makes you think that they don't think black people are worthy.
And I've also noticed this in the Fields Medal.
The Fields Medal is basically the Nobel Peace Prize for mathematics.
We finally got a pachyderm in there, some Indian dude, New Delhi born mathematics.
But that's fairly rare.
It's usually whites.
It's usually Orientals.
It's never black people.
Do the people at Fields think that black people aren't capable of math?
Is that the message here?
Scroll down.
You'll see other pictures of the winners.
There's the guy.
Look at that.
White dude, white dude, Indian guy.
Are there any more pics?
I bet there's maybe a Chinese guy.
No, that's it.
So I just want to point out how embarrassing this is and how many opportunities there are for these companies to recognize the brilliance of blacks.
And we need go no further than popular film and yeah, popular film.
Number one, Donald Glover in The Martian.
Look at this guy.
He was doing so much math, he passed out.
Has anyone at NASA ever passed out from mathematics before?
I don't think so.
Go ahead, one.
He's the guy, by the way.
He played Richie Purnell of Astrodynamics.
Look at this.
He's asleep from doing math.
Rich.
Rich.
That's the nerdy guy from Freaks and Geeks, I think.
Everyone's fine with him.
Sorry, but they're asking for the probe courses.
What time is it?
It's 3.42.
Look, I know we're coming at this backwards, but we can't come into a firm line.
Look at all the computer stuff he's doing.
It's all right.
All 25 models for long.
By the way, this is the movie where he figures out we can't turn around and come back.
We're going to have to slingshot around the Earth.
But he can't explain it to people because it's too brilliant for them.
Why isn't he...
Why?
Where are the Donald Glovers of the world in NASA?
Also, another example.
In the movie FF9, Ludacris works out mathematically.
Turn it up.
Numbers don't lie.
With my ceramic polymer coating, you're going to be just fine.
But this is a black person who figured out how to get into outer space in an old, I don't know what that is, a pinto?
And they get so far up in outer space that they destroy a satellite that was going to destroy the world.
Look at this.
compression differential.
They know about compression differential.
And what is the motto of Ludacris in this film?
Numbers don't lie.
Hey, Fields Medals, where's this guy?
Number three.
Who can forget Janelle Monet in Hidden Figures, my favorite film on this subject.
I'm often criticized for referencing it too often, especially when I discuss it with Anthony Cumia, who's also very fond of the depiction of the various scientists.
She's playing, of course, Mary Jackson, who was not just a math janitor.
Stop saying that.
She did a lot more.
For example, in this scene, she figures out...
What does she figure out again?
Play it.
Shield erosion occurs on the posterior side abutting the retro boosters.
Conclusion.
The area closest to the boosters is closest to the heat.
Coupled with rising temperature on re-entry, the contact softens.
We could consider another fastener other than the boats.
Yes.
Yes.
Brilliant.
There is another opening in the engineer training program.
Flathead rivets would reduce wind drag.
Mary, a person with engineers' mind should be an engineer.
You can't be a computer the rest of your life.
Mr. Zelensky, I'm a Negro woman.
I'm not going to entertain the impossible.
And I'm a Polish Jew whose parents died in a Nazi prison camp.
Now I'm standing beneath a spaceship.
Isn't going to be an option.
Didn't America get all their rocket scientists from Nazi Germany?
Now you just switch them over into Polish Jews?
Anyway, that's for another day.
He must not like his co-workers at all.
Are you comfortable around the Nazis that you work with, my friend?
Another brilliant mathematician, scientist, space guy, genius is Joe Morton in Terminator 2.
He played Miles Dyson.
This guy was so smart, he almost destroyed the world.
This might be why you don't see many blacks in engineering in real life, because they're scared their high IQs will destroy the entire planet.
Look at this.
Mr. Dyson!
Mr. Dyson!
Lots of scientists falling with garbage cans all over the place.
Notice that?
Mr. Dyson.
There he is.
He's running another series this afternoon, and you have to sign for the it.
You have to sign it out.
Okay, come on, I guess.
Listen, Mr. Dyson, I know I haven't been here that long, but I was wondering if you could tell me.
I mean, if you know.
Know what?
Well, if you know where it came from.
You know why I asked them that very same question once, and you know what they told me?
Don't ask.
This man's brain ended Earth.
He made computers so smart he outsmarted us and started killing us.
Less than three, two, one.
And finally!
Speaking of permanently changing the world with robots, we have Eric Andre in Mitchell's vs.
the Machines.
Just like Miles Dyson, he created robots that were too smart and became dangerous.
His character is Mark Bowman.
Let's check him out.
Oh, that's good drone footage.
He betrays her.
By the way, that's the problem with this AI.
By the way, have you heard this rumor that AI is racist?
Yes.
Are mirrors racist?
It thinks that black women are men.
That was one of them.
It's racist.
Math is clearly racist.
I've always thought of you as like family to me.
Seriously.
I always felt that way too, Mark.
What a very black mirror, isn't it?
I will never forget you, Pal.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mark, Bowman!
Wish me luck!
Bowman!
Anyway, this guy, if you've seen the movie, he says we're going to update our phones to now robots.
He throws that phone away and he maybe skip ahead a little bit.
The phone wants revenge, by the way, and she gets it.
Skip ahead.
And look at the robots this black man made.
They clean your room.
More?
You've seen this, right, Ryan?
You watch children's shows.
I did not watch this one.
Oh, is it too mature for you?
No.
Look, he made those.
Hey, NASA, look what they can do with books.
Look at that.
They chop up all the vegetables in midair.
So anyway, I don't understand why reality seems to have a problem with what TV and movies have shown us to be clearly scientific facts.
Was that proper grammar?
The movies have shown us to be clearly scientific facts.
Clearly scientifically factual.
You know, honorable mention, another Disney movie.
I just happened upon it.
Ron's Gone Wrong.
The super genius who creates the program for this thing is a black kid.
Oh, really?
Yeah, and then the evil white guy is like, no, we have to fucking do bad shit with it.
And he's like, no, but chill, yo.
And then I'm going to...
You did see that one, though.
Yes.
Ryan, I don't think...
I think you avoided Mitchell's vs.
the Machines because it's too old for you.
It's too mature.
This one's mature.
There's friendship beginning.
Ron is going wrong.
Wrong is not a positive thing.
That's a negative thing.
That's very adult.
Nope.
All movies have conflict, you fucking dart.
So, yeah, that was amusing.
Got so much to cover here.
Let's end racism for today.
Right?
Did you show the Jews will not replace us thing that I sent you?
Nope, not yet.
We teed that up and we never hit the ball.
It was teed but never whacked.
This is insane to me because this is exactly what the Tiki Torch guys were saying.
So I'm sitting here trying to make sure no proud boys ever become Nazis and arguing with anti-Semites about why they're wrong.
And then you guys go and do this.
You make my job pretty hard.
You have a man in a yarmulke standing with people of color.
He's the only white guy there.
And he's looking at these people having a baby and saying, that's white supremacy.
Stop it.
In these times of reckoning, we need to stand united against all forms of racism and white supremacy.
The next generation will determine the fate of this country, and it's up to us to decide what kind of future we want.
Wow.
Wow.
That's pretty nuts.
You could get canceled for saying that.
Like for saying that's what they want.
If you made that a fake article, people go, fuck you.
No one's saying that.
There it is.
Not a good look.
Nobody's overtly saying that.
Yeah.
No one's supposed to say that out loud.
Stop revealing the magic trick.
All right.
Let's jump over to some Proud Boys.
Stand back.
Stand by.
Mount Boys Boy.
Somebody's got to do something about Antifa and the left.
Antifa is an idea, not an organization.
You got it, Matt Bulletin.
Stand by.
Stand by.
Stand by.
Stand black.
Stand black.
So I talked to Brandon Vaughan last night.
If you recall on yesterday's show, Brandon Vaughn was the guy who got into a fight at a pro-Israeli rally in 2017.
He was choked out.
I talked to the guy on the phone.
He was having his first cheeseburger and beer in two months.
He did a month in Canadian jail and a month in D.C. jail.
He goes, I was the only white guy there.
Everyone was there for murder, attempted murder.
I'm there.
I had to lie.
I said I was there for firearm possession and attempted murder or something.
Because the real reason I'm there is a guy choked me out, so I punched him in the head and knocked him to the ground.
And then the Jewish Defense League used their poles and stuff and kicked the shit out of him when he was already on the ground.
But I wasn't even arrested.
I just hung out after because the cops saw the guy choked me and they saw me go bonk, bonk, shove.
Anyway, amongst all those murderers, he had to pretend to be worse than he was.
So he's been in there for two months.
He was facing 15 years.
He was about to kill himself because he's not the kind of guy who can handle 15 years.
I don't think I am either.
Very few of us are.
And then he goes to court, I forget when it was, maybe Friday, and they said, misdemeanor.
He has a $500 fine and he has to stay out of trouble for three years.
That's it.
That's all.
Jaywalking.
So he considered fighting it many times, but no, truth is not on your side.
And they only, he wasn't a Proud Boy when he committed this act.
He was just a hoser.
He's still a hoser.
But he joined the Proud Boys afterwards.
Proud Boy started kicking ass in Ottawa.
And that's when they decided we have to clamp down on him.
And then turned the whole thing retroactively into a hate crime that he needed to be arrested for.
Now, you need to know a little bit about my hometown of Ottawa, Canada.
They had a massive influx of Somalians, right?
And it was a complete fucking failure.
They call them Mollies in Ottawa.
And what Mollies do is they'll steal your skateboard, they'll steal your weed, they'll beat you up, you fight back, and then that day, four minivans show up of Mollies of all ages, usually mid-20s, to kick the shit out of the person.
The police do nothing, and the media totally ignores it.
Why?
Because this was Trudeau's experiment.
It's exactly like Britain.
Tony Blair imported a bunch of Muslims to fuck with the working class, as Nigel Farage put it, and it worked.
But it's embarrassing because there's grooming gangs, there's violence.
Check out Tommy Robinson's series, The Rape of Britain.
It's been an abject failure.
So what do you do about a failure?
Well, you hide it.
And so the CBC, sorry, the BBC, the British Broadcasting Corporation, runs the news there.
So they just totally ignore the Muslim problem.
They got Sidi Khan further hiding it, deballing the police, and they make sure that no one knows the problem.
Exact same story is true in Ottawa.
I mean, Canada's modeled after Great Britain.
In fact, one of the reasons Brandon was able to keep his passport is because there's a new law that says a passport is actually property of the Queen of England, Queen of Britain, Queen Elizabeth.
And they invented that law for Omar Kader, the terrorist who killed an American soldier and was rewarded $10 million from Justin Trudeau for the inconvenience of going to Guantanamo Bay for being guilty of terrorism.
That second part is, it was just inconvenient that he went to Guantanamo Bay because he was just a child.
He's only, what, 17?
Poor kid.
Poor murderer.
Poor terrorist.
Anyway, so Brandon Vaughn grew up fighting Muslim kids, gangs would come to his school.
And there's zero reporting about this anywhere in Canada.
In fact, Trudeau spends tons of money to hide it.
And who does he spend money on?
Evan Baal Gord is his name.
And he proudly calls himself Antifa.
He is the executive director of the Canadian Anti-Hate Network, which Trudeau rewarded $45 million, an anti-fascist nonprofit dedicated to countering, monitoring, exposing the far right.
He was formerly an investigative journalist and VP of the Canadian Association of Journalists.
Look at this child.
This little kid awarded tens of millions of dollars to fight hate.
And you know what fight hate means in Canada?
Hide the problems with diversity.
Hide our incompetence.
Hide the problem with Somali gangs.
And he was a big part of getting Brandon Vaughan arrested, getting Proud Boys designated a terrorist group.
Another cunt that's behind all this is Bernie Farber of the Canadian Jewish Congress.
Oh, we didn't show this.
Yeah, I know, Ryan.
Okay.
That's 29C.
Look at this fucking clown.
I said earlier, don't show Wikipedia, and I got all these.
And you know what's funny about the Canadian Jewish Congress?
It was Canadian Jewish groups in the 80s when I lived there that created Nazi skinheads.
They got $7 million, fucking birdseed compared to the $45 million they're getting these days, to catch Nazis.
Problem being there were none.
So they started a thing called Heritage Foundation, and this put out propaganda saying the white race is this, white race is that.
And they ended up getting a bunch of homeless kids and orphans and Pepsis, French Canadians, to fall for it.
And the next thing you know, when I was 18, 16, 17, when I was a teenager in Ottawa, there was Nazi skin heads everywhere.
Read my book, Death the Cool.
Wolf had a rapier in his cane.
Francois had a fucking Klansman galloping through the woods on his back.
His entire back was a Klan rally.
Joff would go down south to the States and bring back machine guns.
He was a one-man militia, all thanks to the Canadian Jewish Congress creating hate.
And it's funny because this guy, even Balgord, says that his new group is modeled after the SPLC.
And what does the SPLC do?
They create hate where there was none.
It's fucking fascinating.
These idiots are the biggest danger to our society, and they're all globalists.
In fact, this guy, Evan Balgord, has a degree in global journalism.
Whatever the fuck that means.
It means globalism.
These people are globalists and they're Bolsheviks.
Bernie Farber supports Muslims who are anti-Semitic.
That's how badly they push this diversity crap at the risk of exterminating their own people.
Bernie Farber is anti-Israel.
And he promotes this Iman whose name is Ayman El-Kassare.
El-Kassarawi.
And Culture said the hardest part about our audiobooks is getting all these fucking Muslim names right.
And this guy said, we have to purify Al-Aska Mosque from the filth of the Jews.
That's who Bernie Farber's defending.
He's also out to get our friend Brandon Vaughn, who just escaped suicide and death and 15 years in prison for fighting a guy who choked him.
Is that justice here?
Unfucking believable.
All right.
Let's take a quick look at Antifa.
And then we'll go to the mailbag.
You fucking wife man!
You've never experienced that like me in your entire money!
You're a leader of life!
Look at these fucking horrible, weak losers!
Fuck your dad!
Those have worked forces.
This chick is suing Chad Loader.
Remember Chad Loader?
He's like the...
He's the top of Antifa, I would say.
The main dude.
They always have a disgusting home life.
I think he's a single dad or something.
Who knows what the fuck?
But a UCLA Masters in Public Policy alumni is suing Antifa member Chad Loader in L.A. County for falsely claiming she's a convicted burglar and vandal.
She says she lost a work contract as a result of his defamatory statements that show up first on a Google search of her name.
That seems pretty cut and dry, right?
Look at his fucking eyebrows.
What a freak.
Looks like that Asian filter I use.
Yeah, it does.
Like a weird long upper lip, weird eyebrows.
Go to 31A.
So that's good.
We're seeing them getting...
We're employing lawfare because there's no other options left.
I mean, you saw what happened to Brendan Vaughan.
So the law doesn't trust us.
We get arrested.
We can't go by normal routes.
So wait, hold on a second here.
Pause that.
So you want to play law games?
Okay, we'll play law games.
We're left with lawfare.
So we've got Christian Ek su, anti-fash Gordon in upstate New York getting sued, and now we have Chad Loader.
It's all great news.
But I thought this was interesting.
I don't understand why they say Jordan Peterson started crying.
That's just false.
But this was an interesting take on Antifa.
I wanted to ask you about the, based on your knowledge, your background, your clinical experience, what is the psychology of mom violence?
When I see it, I don't even recognize some of these.
They seem animalistic is what I mean.
No, they're worse than animals.
They're worse than animals, because animals, they just kill to eat.
Human beings, they have a twist in them that makes them far worse than animals when they really get going.
Well, I think it's, I think, you really want to know what I think?
I think it's revenge against God for the crime of being.
That's really what I think.
It's Cain and Cain and Abel.
It's like, oh, Abel's your guy, eh?
God, what if I take him out in the field and beat him to death?
How do you feel about that?
All my sacrifices went unrewarded.
Yeah.
It's like...
Yeah, that's what it is at the bottom of the hell of things.
I was hardly crying.
I think that's too intellectual for most people.
And the left is determined to get a bad guy, so they rephrase what they just saw.
But that was deeply profound.
They are mad at the world.
That's why they say no borders, no wall, no USA at all.
It's not about a solution.
It's not about helping people.
It's about destruction and death.
Okay?
You want death?
We got death.
Have you got Crip Daddy on the line?
I want to ask him about this.
Oh, I can get us some Crip Daddy.
He's beyond angry, this poor guy.
It's going to take a second to get him on there.
That's okay, because, frankly.
We should probably have these mics ready.
But yeah, we over-intellectualize the Antifa motive.
And I've seen these people, you see the way they scream.
It's daddy issues is a big part of it.
So you go, okay, well, then that's a solution.
I'm against divorce, or I think dad should be more present in children's lives.
No, that ship has sailed.
They don't want to fix that problem.
They want revenge for their father's lack of love, lack of interest.
And maybe daddy didn't care about you because you suck.
Where's your dad, Crip, Daddy?
Fucking, I don't know.
Where were Mexicans hang out?
Mexico?
Mexico, fucking Home Depot, same thing.
What's your life story?
Were you the product of a one-night stand?
I was born a poor blank child.
No, I mean, my mom was a little hoodlin, and my dad was a Mexican gangbanger, and it's the love story of the century.
Wow.
And how long did he stick around?
Oh, not at all.
Zero.
Yeah, no, no, no, no.
So not unlike Ryan's dad.
Oh, do we have the same backstory?
Yeah.
Same guy.
We're brothers.
Well, but Ryan is the low testosterone version, so his dad was a hairdresser.
Medium.
Ooh, gay.
No.
It's like Zohan.
Is that why your hair is like that?
Yes, that is exactly why your hair is.
His beautiful hair is like that.
We were just talking about Antifa and what motivates them.
And Jordan Peterson said in his own inimitable way that they just want to destroy.
There's no thought process behind it.
It's just gremlins from the movie Gremlins.
Yeah.
No, that feels about right.
I mean, I remember going through my, you know, little anarchist phase as a teenager, you know?
Yeah.
And some anarchists like the band Crass, they wanted to rebuild a society, blah, blah, blah, have more like independent sort of communities.
But then you had the exploited that just wanted to destroy everything, anarchy and chaos.
And that's all these people want.
That's all there is to it.
Yeah, it feels like a bunch of insecure kids that didn't have a lot of guidance coming together thinking that they're a part of a bigger thing than themselves and they just get lost in it, you know?
Yeah.
I think they were picked on and so their thing is, I'm going to stand up.
It's sort of like these guys who, and this is a noble pursuit, who were molested as kids and then they become these like pedophile hunters when they get older because they're like, I'm going to stand up.
So I think these dummies think that's who they are, but they're really just nerds who are picked on.
And then they're trying to find new nerds, like trans kids, to defend.
But it's not very anarchist because they end up going for like pro-COVID mandate shit that doesn't really fit their agenda.
They just want to fight, but in a mob so you can't lose.
Yeah, no, the whole hardcore scene is completely changed nowadays.
It's so different and weird because it's not hardcore at all.
It is the softest, safest shit.
They're giving out like safe hair and needles now at shows.
Like, come on now.
Fuck it.
That's not punk.
Hey, I want it.
Speaking of shows, I want to have a big show soon, like a censored.tv presents with people buying tickets and stuff.
I'm thinking of Florida in the spring sometime.
Are you allowed on airplanes?
Right?
No.
No, they don't.
I'm on a flight list.
Really?
No.
Oh, Ryan falls for it, of course.
So you could come down maybe and do a set, right?
Do you leave Chicago?
Given enough time, I totally could.
Okay, well, let's talk about this off the air.
But I want someone to put you in a little bag and throw you on a plane.
Just carry me around or one of those fucking baby things where they strap them to their chest.
Yeah, we'll ship you.
A papusa.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can you come?
Carry me around.
You will one.
I've seen you with a picture of your baby.
Yes, I have.
Can you come to Limp Biscuit with me?
I would fucking love going to Limp Biscuit.
Anything, if I have to go to some weird handicap row or whatever, I'll change my ticket and I'll make sure.
I promise you, every time I go to a concert, I meet the band.
So we'll party with bread.
If you want to come, let me know.
But text me.
Ryan, he's not going to get on a plane and come to New York to see Limp Biscuit.
He's got a bus.
Did you get the bus yet?
Yeah.
He's got a bus.
They've raised money to get him a bus.
How long do you think it takes to go to Chicago to New York?
Six hours, but I don't know.
Six hours, really?
Is it farther?
It's about 16 to 20 hours.
Oh, man.
It's a bit of a drive.
Okay, we'll figure it out.
Yeah.
Hey, do you want to sit in a fucking steel box for 20 hours to spend one hour with him?
He's been in a steel box for his entire life.
No, he's sitting on a steel Box correction.
All right, Crip, thanks for coming on the show.
We'll see you next Monday.
Later, brother, absolutely.
Later days.
All right, let's get to the Mail B. And I didn't forget my computer this time.
The bell scout, Ryan, shut up.
You don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Okay.
I think people are figuring out my schedule and they're sending me shit right when I do the mailbag.
But anyway, remember that guy in Calgary who told us all about the mantis shrimp?
Yes.
I looked up flights from Calgary.
They're like $400.
So he said, why don't you just come down here and do it?
Ryan is clearly incapable and I'm too busy.
So can you do it?
So we'll see what happens with that.
I was also thinking about the sucking off the piece of shit.
I'm not doing it anymore.
Whoa.
I got a letter from someone.
It's actually in the mailbag today.
And here it is, from Bruce.
You don't need to eat a $100 bill.
Trump did not lose.
That retard in the White House was cheated in.
You're right.
81 million votes, my ass.
You're off the hook.
You're absolutely right.
Yeah, then you're conceding a bullshit election.
Yeah, yeah.
I would be justifying the election if I ate.
So I will still suck off a piece of shit.
Sorry, maybe I misled you.
I'm not going to eat a $100 bill.
Oh.
Because I don't think Trump lost, but I still have to suck off a piece of shit.
I can't even remember what that was for.
I was going to ask you what that was for.
I have no idea.
Okay.
This guy thinks he's got the sprinkles.
I showed you sprinkles at the beginning of the show before we were racist.
And let's see if you understand what sprinkles means.
Hey.
Yeah.
Morning.
Good morning.
How'd you sleep?
Good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Me too.
Can I just say something really quick, dude?
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
I just want to say, like, thanks so much for last night.
Yeah.
I feel the same way.
And for real, dude?
Those hand jobs and blowjobs you gave me.
Out of this world, bro.
For real.
Thanks for saying that, man.
Yeah.
And you have so much cum, dude.
I'm full to the brim.
You were saving up your cum.
Dude, I've been saving up for like three days.
Like, ever since I got here, I've been jerked off once.
Also, like, your cum tasted so good.
Thanks, bro.
Pineapple?
Have you been eating pineapple?
Mango.
Mango?
I hadn't heard that one.
Yeah.
Try that.
It's underrated.
Yeah.
Pineapple, it's too much in the zyg, guys.
We're just choking around with my friends every single day.
Yeah, because we know what's up.
Yeah, I mean, it's on for another minute and a half.
We get it.
Oh.
Hey, man.
What's going on?
Like, I could hear you guys the whole time.
You could hear us sucking and fucking each other.
I was facing that way, so my ass was out.
Oh, so what you're saying, you were in prime position to be fucked and sucked, too.
Exactly.
I'm sorry.
It's not suckable.
It's very amusing, whatever.
Just normal funniness.
You know what's weird?
Not sprinkles, guys.
Having a sleepover and you're laying on the floor on a cot or whatever, and then saying goodnight, like when the lights are on.
What is this?
In 1836?
And you sleep in the corner.
You have like polio?
Yeah, like some sort of cot.
And like, do you say goodnight?
Is that gay?
That's gay.
Okay.
So you just stop talking, just like, yeah, man, fucking, yeah, blah, blah, blah.
Yep.
Well, ideally, you are drinking.
I don't know how far back we're going here.
Like, those guys were old enough to drink, so you just pass out.
But if we're talking about adults, I mean, sorry, kids pre-drinking, then there's that thing where you're like, yeah, well, she probably doesn't even know what they said.
And then that's it.
You're like, and then there's that.
What were you going to say?
Tyler, are you awake?
Yeah.
Tyler, are you awake?
And now.
Yeah, that's a funny phase.
It's well done and super bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you know what's a fun game at Sleepovers when you're a kid?
You wake up and you have a tug of war.
Like, wake up, go, wake up, and you grab the blanket and pull on it.
Oh, okay.
And you're both so weak that it's like two ants pulling on, like, it's pathetic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it only lasts for like 30 seconds.
You got to be fast.
The second you wake up, grab the sheets.
I guess you could do this with your wife.
Grab the sheets and have a tug of war.
And it's like, you get to see what it's like to be a girl.
Doing it with the wife, that's fun.
Because I was just going to say that sounds fun, but I can't go back in time and be a kid during a sleepover.
Like getting drunk in school.
Either you did it or you didn't.
It's too late.
You can't fucking try it.
You missed your shot.
Okay.
Please remind Ryan that it's David versus Goliath, not versus.
Versus is the plural of verse.
I don't think that's a big hill to die on.
I'm not a big accent guy, maybe because I'm Canadian.
But I'm more concerned with like actual grammatical mistakes.
Superman versus Batman.
What's this?
Trump bald eagle.
Here you go, Gavin.
Okay, someone sent us a bald eagle thing.
You know, in California, they were killing the bald eagle.
If you shoot a bald eagle, they want to put you in jail for 10 years.
A windmill will kill many bald eagles.
It's true.
And you know what?
After a certain number, they make you turn the windmill off.
That's true, by the way.
They make you turn it off after you.
And yet, if you killed one, they put you in jail.
That's okay.
But why is it okay for these windmills to destroy the bird population?
And that's what they're doing.
I'll tell you another thing.
Cool.
Someone wants us to bring Crip Daddy to New York and feed him.
That's weird.
Check out this song I saw in Cringetopia today, I'm a Black Nigger.
Oh, I should have said I'm a Black Nigger.
Oops.
Sung by an Indian.
Have a great show.
Yeah, we're watching Feng Wang or whatever, like the Marvel Asian superhero movie, and there was a rap part.
And I'm like, in a Chinese rap, can they not say Naga?
Because that would be weird.
It doesn't even sound like Naga, it's Niga.
Sorry, we're discussing the word there in Mandarin.
Shoot, I should have used that as an intro song.
He gets a pass.
Maybe ancient Chinese secret, but have you ever seen anything by PD USA on TikTok or YouTube?
Funny shit.
Usually when people say ancient Chinese secret, it is the most ancient Chinese secret imaginable.
Trans on TikTok realizes being a man is hard, but the link is broken.
Ivanka Trump versus Hunter Biden.
It isn't about scale.
Is that PD USA?
I think so.
What the fuck?
What's up, man?
I'm looking in the mirror, but it's not me.
Who is it then?
I think it's me in the future.
What?
No, man.
I think that's Bobby Weird.
Holy shit, man.
You're right.
It's Bobby Weir in the mirror.
How the heck did Bobby Weir get in the mirror?
I think he's here.
Oh, whoa.
Oh, holy shit.
You're here, Bobby Weird?
Yes, I'm right here.
Damn.
What are you doing here, Bobby Weir?
You know what?
I'm just hanging out.
I have no idea what I'm doing here.
Epic.
That is epic.
Listen, man, can I get you a glass of water or something?
Yep, that'd be great.
Cool.
I'll be right back.
So what kind of stuff have you been up to lately?
Uh, nothing much.
Everything okay in there, man?
Yeah, I just shattered a glass.
He's always doing stuff like that.
Cool, man.
That's a cool trick, man.
Well, thanks.
I like yours, too.
Well, cool.
Thanks.
It's Tigers.
Cool, man.
Who's Bobby Weir?
He's in fucking...
Oh, the dead.
Grateful dead.
Okay, that was pretty sprinkly.
I think that guy, I would, I think he's got it.
But listen to this.
So remember earlier I said, yeah, Ivanka may have used her name to get more copyright on a purse faster.
Hunter Biden was way more corrupt about scale.
And this writer goes, no, no, no.
Stop saying that.
It's totally different.
And he goes, Ivanka Trump uses her family name to run a legitimate business versus Hunter Biden is a vehicle for the U.S. political establishment to steal money from the U.S. taxpayer.
Ukraine gets billions of dollars in sweet loans and other aid from the United States.
Ukraine then gives made-up jobs in state-run companies to children, friends, and acquaintances of U.S. politicians, thus sending untold millions of aid back to U.S. politicians' pockets.
That's what this is about.
Good one, sir.
Amazing.
That was amazing.
It was transgender kid.
Hey, Gab, so my 12-year-old has self-esteem issues.
Meaning she told me she thinks she's transgender.
12.
12 is fucking young.
Two years ago, she came out to me as bisexual.
10.
Bisexual is a type of sex.
It means you want to fuck men and women at the age of 10.
I'm not just sexually attracted to women, meaning I want to suck their tits and spank them and make out with them.
I also am attracted to men, meaning I want to jerk them off and finger their buttholes or whatever women do to men.
That's fucked up right then and there.
And this isn't the first time I've heard this.
I have a friend whose son is 13, and I think he just told me that when his son was 10, he said he was bisexual.
I think it's the norm now.
I was okay with this, but just assumed it was a phase.
Now she's wanting me to use he, they pronouns, and I refuse.
She's only 12, and I believe most of this is from social media and school, as we learned from libs of TikTok.
Any advice?
I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I will not call my daughter he, they.
My wife feels the same way.
Well, far be it from me to get directly involved in you raising a child, but if that was my kid, I'd say no.
We're not using they, them.
It sounds like you might be gay, so we'll figure that out when you're 18.
You can't get a tattoo till you're 18.
You can't be sexual till you're 18.
Okay.
Tell that to Desmond, who's turned into Milo for some reason.
Oh my God, he looks exactly like Milo.
Same color of blue.
Milo's just going to be flattered and turn around and be like, actually, Desmond's pretty cool.
So Desmond is growing up to be just a homo.
Thank God he didn't take hormone blockers.
That's the beauty of these male trans is, we don't have any tits to chop off.
Oh, he released music.
We are all amazing.
Oh, great.
He sounds like he's on ketamine.
I am amazing.
You are amazing.
We are amazing.
We are all amazing.
Some are more amazing than others.
It's not amazing.
It's not amazing.
None of y'all are amazing.
Amazing.
I do not give up my feel of amazing.
But yeah, you got to have faith.
I mean, what they do, they hold your kids at gunpoint.
And by that, I mean they say your child will kill himself if he's not allowed to indulge in what we decide is his or her sexuality.
So follow our depraved path or your son dies.
If you could do everybody a favor and kind of track down where do you think that came from?
Like, is it from school, like fellow classmates meeting or the curriculum?
Or is it TV shows the kids are watching?
Where do they get this idea of buy at 10?
I think what the fuck is this?
Or reels or something?
TikToks?
Yep.
Yo, what up, G-Dog Rye and Maddie?
Check out this guy out.
He's hilarious.
He trolls city council meetings.
Oh, for fuck's sakes.
Are you showing us?
Thanks, heavy-duty research team.
Damn, dude.
You're late.
Yeah.
But this is great.
This is a new one.
Yes, he's a swimmer in this one.
Hello, how are you guys doing, Council?
But it is an ancient Chinese secret.
I know you say, well, this is from yesterday.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The video's from yesterday, but Alex Stein is so popular.
It was just on Tucker.
So thanks for your research.
And here's a good one.
Who's playing a Tucker?
Video games are a waste of time.
Hi, Gavin and low-tee.
I am tired of hearing folks call in every week trying to defend video games.
They're for children and a giant waste of time.
These men need to get real hobbies.
Go to the gym.
Learn BJJ.
When I first read that, I thought it was learn BJs.
Learn Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, boxing or MMA.
Read a book.
Listen to a podcast.
Work a second job.
Learn a new language.
For fuck's sake, go do something.
Instead of taking the slow drip of dopamine, you get dominating 13-year-olds in Call of Duty.
I regret the time I spent on those things in high school.
Instead, I could have learned a real fucking skill.
I hope the younger viewers listen to your advice so they don't get caught in the same loophole so many of the last two generations have.
And maybe if you weren't playing video games, all those years you'd have known how to spell advice.
You could save this guy's life.
And I feel absolutely amazing.
Amazing.
What did I do?
Well, I'm a gamer, and I play around three hours of League of Legends.
So he's pro video games?
Yeah, no kidding.
Yeah, you're definitely not pro getting blown.
What do you play?
Clash of colors that you wear?
It's clash of clans.
What the f- That was dope.
Okay, here's the last one.
This one's kind of interesting.
Gavin, I received a suspicious phone call two weeks ago from a girl I knew in high school.
I didn't know her well, and she was curious to know what I was up to.
I suspected my ex-girlfriend to put her up to it, and sure enough, she called me later that evening.
We had several conversation and texts over the course of a few days.
We caught up with each other, had a few laughs, exchanged some grievances, and discussed how things went wrong.
I left the door open to future conversations, and she agreed.
We'd been together for several years, starting just after high school, and split because I was not ready to get married.
She got engaged shortly after, and she lives across the country in a house she bought with her assumed husband.
No kids.
My question to you is, should I pursue?
She seems unhappy with her current situation.
Without overtly speaking about her current relationship, he was not mentioned throughout.
I'm fairly confident I can pull this off.
But the question is, should I?
If you think I should pull the trigger, any strategic advice would be appreciated.
I have a decent plan, but need some encouragement one way or the other.
Thanks, Gavin.
I wish I found you sooner.
Now, this is tricky, obviously.
I'm talking about sabotaging a man's marriage.
He'd probably want to fucking kill me if he found out I was getting involved in this.
But I used to say in my single days, if you can get someone out of a relationship, they're not in a good relationship.
So, I don't know.
I guess I would try to figure out if this is ethical.
I mean, are they happily married?
Does he abuse her?
Does she not love him at all?
Was she stolen in Uzbekistan?
Yeah.
So, if it's a normal functioning marriage, I don't know if you could handle the guilt of sabotaging it by getting in there.
And also, you meet a woman through infidelity, you're probably going to lose her through infidelity.
That's something to consider.
And you have to keep her.
You can't pull her away from a thing and then not be there forever.
So if you dump her now, she's just got a big commitment.
You ruined her marriage.
But if her marriage sucks shit and you're madly in love with her, I don't know.
Doesn't sound very Christian to me, but go nuts.
All right.
Last one.
600-pound life, Dr. Rex, Fat Guy.
Cool.
And this is the infamous Dr. No?
Steve Asante.
Oh, what the frick?
What?
The page isn't available.
That's weird because I just watched it like an hour ago.
Guys, don't send me Facebook links.
I'm banned from Facebook.
Wait, are you banned from Facebook?
No, I'm not logged in, but I have a dumper.
Or a burner.
I have a burner, and I was able to open it on my computer with my burner.
I'm assuming I'd have to.
I just have to be logged in, right?
Yeah, you should probably know that by now.
Is there a way to find it?
Just log in.
I don't know my login.
That's some weird shit.
That's a handy burner, isn't it?
Anyway, it's Steve Asante, the most disgusting, fat, disgusting pig in the world who got married, by the way.
He's balding.
He reeks.
Like, when he came into Dr. No's office, people were dry heaving from the smell.
And he says, how are you doing with hygiene?
And he says, I had a bath the other day.
I'm not sure that's...
Look at him.
I would ask how y'all doing, but I have an idea.
All right, Stephen.
We obviously have a couple of issues that we have to address.
One is that you are 557 pounds today.
Yes, sir.
So that means after doing exceptionally well for the first two months, you started gaining again.
And the second issue is Justin claimed that you stole his painkillers.
And if you did that, I'm not interested in hearing your lies and your excuses.
I'm going to have some test run on you.
And if you find any painkillers in your system, we're going to have a serious problem.
I told you, if you did this one more time, that's it.
Didn't I?
Yeah.
And on top of that, we have a dysfunctional dynamic with your family that seems to make you in your better situation.
Look at his fucking lower half.
Well, him and his brother don't get along.
Yeah, let me explain to you is both a few.
It's probably not.
Anyway, that's not the right clip.
But he talks about how badly he smells.
And he says, people are in the hallway puking.
And then he says, have you ever heard of soap?
I looked up Steve Asante.
I can't believe he's still alive.
3-2.
He's still living.
Why is God letting him live?
You gotta see this guy's body.
Look at his fucking hair.
How is he married?
Why do I have single male friends who can't find Mrs. Wright?
And this guy is getting laid?
Scroll down.
You gotta see his body.
It's one for the books.
Look at that.
That's a human frog man.
Of course, it's the parents' fault for getting divorced.
And I could only find comfort in food.
Well, no, you found a lot of comfort.
A don't.
You found a comforter's worth of comfort.
So me and my younger brother, Justin, put up with a lot of abuse because of that.
It was arguments all the time and fighting.
He's feeling good on this page.
Justin was small.
Their mother did have a drinking problem and I just overlooked it.
But Justin was about five and Stephen was around 11.
Every time I hear about drinking problems, I feel like getting wasted.
My brother and I went to the speaking of fat cells.
Look at his fucking body.
I found the clip where he smells bad.
Ryan, you skipped over the one that says he stinks.
Well, he says it talks about his hygiene.
Go back.
Why would you not put the one where he says he stinks?
I can't fancy someone properly up.
Alright.
So what is going on with your personal hygiene?
You heard of something called soap and water.
Yes.
There are a couple of people back there puking from the smell that you have.
It's in my bathroom.
Yeah.
So why not take a shower?
Well, I do have a rash underneath here too, so that's smelly.
Yeah, but pills turn you gay.
Is he a zero or a one?
Yeah, you're right.
Pills do turn you gay.
I like you.
So that's smelly.
Ew, yeah.
The eyebrows, like, smell.
Smelling, smell, smell.
Go to 3-3.
This is not related to the...
Well, this is related to what we're saying.
This fat bitch, this factivist, fat activist just died.
Fat studies scholar Kat Pase suddenly died in her sleep last week for reasons that have not been made public.
The American Academic was an activist who spoke about countering fat stigma, queering fatness, and opposing healthcare bias against the obese.
Queering fatness.
Her heart paséed while she was sleeping.
Yeah.
Her heart pasé.
Look at her.
Can you pase the buffet, late?
Like, what do we always say about all this stuff?
We say, look, we don't care that you're fat.
It's not that we're saying you're not pretty, but you're not.
The real problem is you're dying.
This is all about you.
You're someone with a noose around your neck standing on a block of ice going, oh, I get it.
So nooses and ice are offensive to you.
What's the matter?
We're not good enough?
And you're like, lady, I don't give a fuck.
It's just rope and ice.
But I'm watching you die.
And you're going to die.
And then the problem is now they die and you can't say, I told you so.
Anyway, let's get to the final video.
Glaswegians are a special brand of human being.
The Scots are particularly resilient.
They're made of rock.
And you can tell when you see someone whether they can knock you out or not.
And if you have an iron jaw and you've been in a lot of fights, then you can look at the guy and say, you can punch me as hard as you can, and I will not go down.
In fact, you may even say, I can guarantee you I won't go done.
Dun, of course, is the Scottish pronunciation of down.
And here we have someone perfectly predicting how it will go if they get punched in the face.
They will be fine.
Because they can...
The Scots, they're street fighters and they can size up situations like no one else.
Take it away.
Yeah, don't go down.
Ah, you ruined it, Ryan.
You ruined the show.
Wait, are you making notes to add the audio?
Yes.
So what happens when I go, you ruined it?
That's just a hard cut.
No.
No, leave it as is.
Leave it as is.
He did go down, though.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
Don't ruin the show.
And never stop fighting.
▲
Export Selection