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March 18, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:52:27

GOML LIVE #140 - HAPPY ST. PAT'S

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	And it's all fun megrop, me, jolly, jolly glove.
	All fun me beer and tobacco.
	Well, I spent all me in with a lassie snake again.
	Far across the western ocean, I must wanna.
	I'm sick in my head, and I haven't been to bed.
	Since the first time ashore with me, plumber, I've seen seventy beads and snakes.
	And I have to take a pump.
	What's the motion I'm where is me, bad?
	Me, nothing, nothing, bad.
	Oh, live from New York.
	It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.
	So easy and free when you drink on me on the mine.
	You tell me I have because of the blood.
	I have always been a drink on me.
	I'm the one who dropped these every day.
	That reminds me of my good friend Sarah Egan, who dumped me because of Proud Boys and Trump.
	And it hurt my feelings.
	No, it didn't actually.
	I was just like, that's fucking retarded.
	I'm drunk.
	We're doing St. Patty's Day.
	Drunk as a skunk.
	Maddie, are you drunk?
	Pretty well in the bag.
	Yep.
	Pretty well in the bag.
	Pretty well deep in the bag.
	Pretty well deep in the bag.
	Sarah was like a very close friend to me, Sarah Egan.
	She does like horror makeup.
	She works on SNL.
	She does like makeup for SNL.
	And we were always close.
	And then the Trump thing happened and she dumped me.
	And I can't remember what I sent her.
	I was like, hey, look at this thing.
	It's a monster that has zits.
	How would you do that with your technology, whatever?
	And she didn't respond.
	I went, oh, wait.
	Are you dumping me too?
	Because of the incident that happened, which was Trump?
	And she didn't respond.
	Ghosted you.
	And then I went, oh, what's your biggest beef with me?
	That I want blacks to go back to Africa or that I don't think the Holocaust happened?
	Again, no response.
	I also had this fucking babysitter, Katie Shadowins.
	We were like two peas in a pod.
	Totally raunchy jokes.
	Oh my God, the jokes we told.
	We were rude bitches.
	And, you know, when all this shit went down pre-Trump, we were like, ha ha ha, what a bunch of fucking losers.
	And she was the best babysitter, best nanny, best whatever you call her, oh bear for my kids.
	My kids loved her.
	Fantastic woman.
	Katie Shadowins.
	Awesome.
	And then one day, no because of Trump.
	And it's weird because I'll text her and I'll go, hey, I'm here with my daughter.
	It's her birthday.
	And she'll go, happy birthday to your daughter.
	And I'll go, okay.
	I don't have AIDS.
	What about me?
	No reaction.
	I thought that was a great dishonor to her and to her family.
	It's so weird with these people.
	I totally understand if it was pedophilia.
	And I would support it.
	If you have a bunch of pals and you want to suck a kid's dick, by all means, you should be ostracized.
	And castrated.
	I was going to say circumcised, and that would have rhymed.
	Just say killed.
	Just religiously killed.
	Well, it would be a better place.
	Decapitation, no breathing.
	But it's funny that it's funny that you lose, like when you become like the national divorce, right, with Trump, you understand that you lose like your radical friends.
	But then you lose friends that are not radical at all.
	Like John Glazer.
	I considered him an apolitical friend of mine.
	He has a black daughter.
	I clearly didn't care, right?
	He's an interesting guy, too.
	That sucks.
	I didn't go on vacation with him and be like, yeah, when we go on vacations, can you not bring your black daughter?
	She's gross.
	She's like, I don't like that.
	He got popular lately because he did this weird series.
	At first he did Delocated, and then I think he did this weird thing, an alternate reality thing.
	It's called Something Daddy.
	And he did these creepy videos where there's like secret messages in it.
	So he had just a very recent revival of his popularity.
	I would say, despite John Glazer stabbing me in the back, and this represents Derek Beckles too.
	Two of the funniest human beings on earth.
	Unbelievably talented.
	Sprinkles dudes.
	They have the sprinkles.
	Very funny.
	Am I going to be able to fucking maintain a two-hour show this wasted?
	I think you're doing good so far.
	I don't know about that.
	And I'm dead sober, so it is.
	You're sober?
	Yep.
	Well, I'm having...
	I decided because it's a festive thing.
	I'm having the green lemon lime zoa in a pint glass.
	Hey, you're blurry, dude.
	You're blurry.
	In a pint glass.
	You're blurry.
	You're blurry.
	I'll have to click.
	How can you not figure out your job?
	There we go.
	There we go.
	Now you're clear.
	Now you're clear.
	So this is a lemon lime zoa.
	I got the green tie.
	We're rocking it.
	All right.
	Let's call my dad.
	I was thinking about my son and how much he does not like me anymore because he's a teenager and he's being a dick.
	And I thought, let's...
	Because I didn't like my dad for 10 years.
	I'm going to pretend I don't like him anymore.
	What about that idea?
	That's a good idea.
	Yeah.
	Let's call him and let's be like, fuck you, dad.
	What do you think?
	Be a good idea.
	Pick Jim McGinnis.
	Ryan can't do it because his dad's gone.
	And Maddie can't do it because his dad's dead.
	Yeah.
	At least one of us.
	Hi, Mom.
	Hi, baby.
	How are you?
	I'm okay.
	I'm good.
	I'm going through some stuff in my life right now.
	Oh, okay.
	I'm okay, honey.
	What's happening?
	Well, I hope you guys don't take this the wrong way, but I met this 72-year-old named Johnny Blaguinis.
	Bluginis?
	Blaguinis.
	He's Serbian.
	And he's the best guy.
	He's a huge mentor to me.
	He's a huge inspiration.
	And I thought, as I meet this guy, I thought, maybe it's time to cut the cord with, you know, some loose ends that are not inspiring me.
	Okay, well, you're on speaker.
	Okay, you're on speaker, honey.
	Hi, honey.
	Hi.
	Sorry, Sorry about that, but Dad and I were trying to listen.
	I'm in bed with this strange guy called Jimmy McKinnis.
	He said I just picked him up today on St. Paddy's Day.
	You know, he was drunk.
	Anyway, sorry.
	Go on.
	So I met this senior citizen named, well, we don't need to get into what his name is, but he's a carpenter, and he's showing me all these cool, like, things with his trade, like, you know, sanding down these oak trees and building a bookshelf.
	Like, he's an incredible guy.
	He's 74 years old.
	And I feel like he might be my new, I don't know, my new dad in a way.
	A new guru.
	My guru.
	Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
	Because my actual dad has offered me nothing.
	Nothing in the past.
	He certainly can't teach you anything about woodworking.
	I think he built a shelf one that one fell down.
	Let's cut the cord.
	To be totally frank, I've been waiting for you guys to die because I thought I would get enough money to buy a vintage car.
	And then I realized I have enough money of my own to buy a vintage car.
	So let's cut the cord.
	You probably have more money than us.
	So I guess this is a goodbye call.
	Oh, okay, honey.
	Well, please, please don't rush it because if this is our last conversation, I'd like it to be a little longer.
	Listen, did you know your brother's getting married?
	It's time for this shit.
	That's it, huh?
	I'm not talking to them.
	Fuck them.
	So anyway, tonight is Get Off My Long Live.
	We do an incredibly exciting pre behind the paywall show with Maddie O'Dell.
	Everybody, happy St. Patrick's Day.
	Normally we have Sylvia, but she fell down some stairs and she broke her hip.
	So my whack pack has been hurt.
	Once again, we lost Donovan Crip Daddy on Monday and Tuesday.
	We lost Sylvia.
	The only whack packer we have left is Maddie.
	Somehow his heart is holding on.
	Not for long.
	No.
	So what we do is we have it all free before 30 minutes in, and then we cut you all off.
	You hear my drunken voice sounding pretty drunk.
	Who are our sponsors?
	Well, you have the paper.
	Wait, what did you do with the papers?
	I don't want the papers.
	Just tell me the sponsors.
	Let's see.
	I can find out quick.
	Our ad sales guy says www.
	Would you rather fuck your wife while staring at Maddie or Ryan?
	Kate, let me just say something about would you rather stop affecting our immediate families and our lives with our wives.
	It's weird.
	It's gay, it's stupid, it's boring.
	It's like, would you rather suck your dad's dick or eat out your mom?
	Yeah, they're both horrible.
	But anyway, other thing, we're going to be raising money on the live chat for Joe Biggs.
	Yes.
	Because Joe Biggs needs 80 grand.
	He's going to the Supreme Court because he's innocent.
	And this is going to be not the roughest transition ever, but he is a vet.
	And he has a beard.
	He's a vet.
	And we have Beard Vet as a sponsor.
	We have Beer Vet Coffee.
	And Beer Vet Coffee isn't just Beer Vet Coffee.
	And thank God these guys promote the show and show up to sponsor us.
	Beard Vet Coffee is also Beard Vet Beard Grooming Materials.
	Did you know that?
	No, you didn't.
	And if you apply to Beard Vet, now you're obviously buying coffee.
	So why don't you buy the coffee from the people who support us?
	Which is 100% vet owned.
	We do not have a sponsor that is not vet owned.
	I don't know why.
	Beardvet.com, promo code Gavin, beard oils, beard grooming kits, beard grooming products.
	It's incredible.
	The oil smells so good and it makes me wish I had a beard, but I don't.
	So you lucky fuck freaking people out there with beards, put it on your fucking thing.
	It smells good.
	This is the first commercial in history where a Japanese man has insulted the clientele of the product and said, fuck you, I wish I had a beard.
	Yep.
	That's never been done.
	It's a little cuckish, but yeah, I do wish I had a beard so I could put lovely oils in it.
	Wow.
	It wouldn't stick in here.
	What do you have?
	What is that thing?
	I don't even know.
	Peach fuzz.
	Like peach fuzz.
	It's a weird band-aid.
	Anyway, beardvet.com, promo code Gavin.
	Thank you guys for promoting the show.
	We appreciate it indefinitely.
	We love you.
	I like you more than a friend.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	So, and beard.
	Oh, we didn't do this last week.
	We're going to do it now.
	Caller 1 and 2 are getting a free gift pack.
	I hate the word pack from Sean and the Beard Vet team tonight.
	Thank you, Beard Vet.
	You hate the word pack?
	Yeah, and kit.
	Pack and kit.
	They just sound like weird ASMR words.
	You get a prize pack or you get your prize kit.
	I don't like that.
	I don't like it.
	It's like it sounds like splashing, like wet splashing or something.
	I don't know.
	Hate it.
	You know what I mean, Matty?
	Not particularly.
	No, but it's all right.
	That's fine.
	No.
	But we do have something exciting.
	There are people who are supporting our show, and you don't like the particular vernacular of their prizes.
	Well, it's actually our ad guy.
	It's his fault yet again.
	I mean, he's no stranger to having the blame be put on him, but he put the word pack in there.
	All right.
	So tonight, the live chats are for Joe Biggs.
	Not Jon and Max, but Joe Biggs, who is sitting in a cell for a year because he dared to enter the Capitol, which is the worst thing imaginable.
	How dare you?
	How dare you enter the Capitol?
	Why'd you do that?
	So right there, you go to the live show on the browser, right under the live show, there's that button.
	Donate to read a message on air.
	And then it'll pop up like so.
	Okay.
	Hey guys, please check my email.
	Just got married.
	Sent to the mailbag.
	Also, Ryan, please send your workout routine for Mad Gains.
	Interesting.
	Okay.
	Hey, you know what?
	It's weird.
	I used to love wearing house shoes.
	Now I love wearing flip-flops.
	Ryan, what's the previous one?
	Let's pull that up.
	Oh, the previous email?
	Just got married.
	Lawrence, it came in at 9 o'clock.
	Okay.
	It says, let's see, I can pull it up on screen here.
	Try not to show any info, though.
	There we go.
	We should bring a weight bench into this studio.
	It would rule.
	How are you doing with your mantis shrimp research?
	What's going on with that?
	Well, I just got a personal beta for myself, beta fish.
	So I'm getting back into the swing of things.
	I looked at some of their fluval tanks, which we have to get a very big one.
	I don't think they had a big enough one there, but I'm going to check out some pet stores and do recon.
	Did anything come out?
	Computer, who is Ryan Katsu Rivera?
	Here's something I found on the web.
	According to Baltimorasun.com, Rivera was the defensive coordinator for the Chicago Bears for three seasons before becoming the San Diego Chargers linebackers coach.
	Computer, stop.
	That was my old life.
	Computer, who is Ryan Katsu Rivera?
	According to an Alexa Answers contributor, Matthew Mario Rivera is a successful American producer, reporter, close.
	Producer, successful?
	Casey Hunt.
	Did that answer your question?
	No, you suck.
	You're a stupid bitch.
	Am I not Googleable?
	That sucks.
	She actually sobered me up.
	Okay, I'm going to go piss.
	Ryan, you take a call.
	Let's do this.
	All right, let's get the calls on.
	First, we're going to thank you for calling.
	You are on air.
	We're going to have a conversation.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's great hearing from you.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, next call.
	Okay.
	We're going to get these all set up.
	See, Maddie's mic is on.
	Yes, sir.
	Good stuff.
	And can manage your callers from the calling.
	Okay, first call here.
	307.
	You're on the line.
	307, you're on the line.
	Hey, what's up?
	What's going on, Caller?
	Not too much.
	I'm just trying to get on the air.
	What are you doing?
	Talking to you on the air.
	Is this Matt?
	Yes, it is.
	Hey, what's up, man?
	My name's Matt as well.
	Oh, nice.
	Nice to meet you, man.
	Not too much.
	How's everything going today on this St. Patrick's Day?
	You what now?
	I said, how's everything going today on the St. Patrick's Day for you?
	Oh, pretty good.
	Pretty good.
	I'm about done with my drink, and I'm about as in the bag as Gavin is right now.
	He's not going to work tomorrow, so, you know.
	Yeah, where's the shitty kitchen?
	Is that this week?
	Yeah, it'll be out either tomorrow or the next day.
	I filmed the shit.
	Thanks for calling.
	He got the fade.
	But that does lead us into a good...
	That's a good point.
	We filmed another Matty Shitty Little Kitchen.
	And that's coming now.
	I heard, can I just say something?
	I heard it was so bad that it's actually getting scrapped.
	No, that's not true at all.
	I heard that it was so unfunny.
	Who would scrap it?
	I mean, you're the boss.
	Are you scrapping it?
	Yep.
	What the hell?
	Yeah, it's not airing.
	What the fuck?
	We worked really hard on that, and I had to eat this.
	Short-lived.
	Short-lived.
	Hey, and it's not taking anything away from Maddie, but what I had to eat on this episode was horrendous.
	What do you mean?
	Show us.
	I don't know if we want to spoil it yet.
	Show it.
	Show it.
	You want to show a little sneak peek?
	Yeah.
	Sure.
	Or it's canceled.
	Okay, whoa.
	I'm about to cancel it.
	I don't want easy.
	I think we should kill Maddie's Little Kitchen as a show.
	I don't think you're done.
	I don't think it's done.
	You're not speaking with a clear mind.
	You know what?
	It's done.
	Tonight it's done.
	All right.
	So you don't want to see the clip?
	I want to see the clip as a goodbye for why we killed the show.
	I don't know.
	It seems like maybe this would save it.
	So hopefully, Maddie, this clip, this will help it.
	Sure.
	I love hearing you go, whoa.
	Yeah, it's crappy.
	Scoop up and rick.
	Get in there.
	Now we won't spoil what's in it.
	That's there.
	What's in it?
	We got to spoil.
	You got to leave something in there.
	That's not a spoiler.
	No.
	Say what's in it.
	That's not a spoiler.
	I'll name three ingredients that are in it.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Tuna fish, fucking Jack Lynx beef jerky.
	Meat chick sticks.
	And mustard.
	I love it when people say fucking.
	Fucking fucking tuna fish.
	Oh, yeah.
	Dude, it's the real deal.
	It was tough.
	Well, I was talking to Maddie earlier at the bar, and he said he had a bite of this, and it catapulted.
	Yeah, I saw his eyes back into his incarceration.
	Instantly.
	And he remembered being in prison.
	Magically.
	Like, you went to a place.
	I saw you.
	You did this.
	You went.
	Yeah.
	The whole texture, taste, and everything.
	I was just like, wow.
	Oh, my God.
	You could feel the walls around you and shit.
	Fantastic.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Do you remember like every time, like, this is what I was thinking, when you were crunching up one of the ingredients, the Cheetos?
	Do you remember, because usually when you're doing something methodical, like if I'm cutting scallions, for instance, I'll think of one of the times I was cutting scallions at the old restaurant.
	Did it bring you back to a specific time where you were bashing the Cheetos and crushing up the ingredients?
	Yeah, I mean, we've made, I made tons of those things.
	Not like just one occasion, but it was a daily routine.
	Me with a bunch of other people.
	So Detective Shitty just said to an ex-con, we made prison food with you.
	While we were making the prison food, did that bring you back to when you were in prison?
	No.
	The answer is yes.
	No, specifically.
	It's like when I was cutting scallions, I'd be listening to Opie and Anthony, so I'd imagine it's a hot day, you know, like the doors open to the restaurant, so I'm getting a little bit of a breeze.
	And I remember like a specific time listening to like a Louis C.K. boat story cutting scallions, like a specific time.
	No, not, I mean, it brought me back to being in Virginia, in CVRJ, Central Virginia Regional Jail.
	Is that the only place you made this dish?
	No, they've made them all over the place.
	And what was the dish?
	I mean, we used to call it a mash-up there in that particular jail, but other people call it a swole, a brick, a spread.
	I mean, there's all different names.
	The lighting hasn't been.
	Yeah, depending on where you are geographically in the country, there's different names for stuff.
	So you guys broke up a bunch of Cheetos and put them on some ramen noodles and poured hot water on them.
	That's basically what this episode is going to be when we air it.
	Similar.
	There's way more.
	There's a lot more other stuff in there, but yeah.
	It's like 20 ingredients.
	That's all the stuff you can get off commissary.
	That's available to you.
	Like all the stuff.
	Hey, Gav, you want to turn your mic on?
	What do you mean?
	For the Peach Tree on the line.
	Hello, Peach Tree.
	Peach Tree.
	Or two six.
	Hello.
	What's going on?
	What's up, Peach Tree?
	Who the fuck's Peach Tree?
	That's what it says on the screener.
	Screener's not very accurate, apparently.
	You got the wrong motherfucker.
	You're Peach Tree, Definitely.
	Anyway.
	Yeah, this was Mark from Philadelphia.
	No, you're Peachtree.
	And you've called 18 times.
	I'll take it.
	Hey, real quick, look, I know that I only get one thing.
	So the first thing isn't really a thing, but, you know, I want to get myself a bird, which is the bald eagle tattoo.
	I'm going to be part of the club.
	So where can I find your guys?
	You know what?
	Good question.
	We should make that thing.
	I'm trying to get in the club.
	We should put that on the site because we're about to have a massive party in Orlando that is going to be a censored.tv a palooza.
	Nice.
	Maddie and I will be there.
	We're going to do the whole show.
	It's going to be awesome.
	And if you have this tattoo, you get in free.
	Nice.
	So we do need to make this, you know, tattooable.
	Totes.
	So we're on it.
	Buddy, thanks for calling.
	We're going to fucking fix that problem.
	It's funny when you're drunk, you see yourself slurring and not handling problems and your brain is like coherent and you're like, get it together, shithead.
	Like, I got this.
	Seeing yourself as a third person.
	Yeah, you're watching a drunken idiot.
	All right, we got another one on the line here.
	Plug in 619.
	You're on the line.
	6199.
	What's going on?
	What's up, 619?
	What's up?
	Tight lips do not sell.
	Thank you.
	That was great, Ryan.
	No, just a quick idea.
	Ryan, you're kind of a genius.
	Your fucking drops are gold.
	Thanks.
	And I thought maybe using Goat's idea of the karaoke's with the facewaps, if you did request to maybe earn some extra bucks for the show.
	Good idea.
	I haven't really thought it all the way through, but you guys are pretty good with that stuff.
	I thought that would be a good idea for a lot of the callers here.
	That's all.
	Mash up impression songs.
	Good idea.
	All right, so let's go behind the paywall now.
	Thank you very much, freeloaders, for checking in on drunks on St. Patty's Day.
	But we are now officially shutting down the thing.
	You're done.
	You're fucked.
	You're in trouble.
	You're toasted.
	You're fired.
	Did you like the Johnny Rebel thing this week?
	Yeah, that was pretty.
	That mask was haunting.
	Yeah, a lot of people said those very weird.
	I can't believe how many people told us that Johnny Rebel's a guy in America.
	Can I pull that up real quick?
	It's amazing.
	It's shocking.
	The email that we got from this gent who didn't get...
	Do you people have any idea that I never really truly fired Ryan?
	Joe Tonelli never worked here.
	Oh, my God.
	Are you familiar with Johnny Rebel?
	Like, you guys keep explaining our jokes.
	It's all coming out now, huh?
	Yeah, it's all all.
	You know, it was tough because I was on Dalton Claude Felter's show, and he was like, so the firing thing, and I was like, no, it wasn't rehearsed, you know, but we had planned to.
	The brilliant thing about firing Ryan was Joe Tonelli only had one day off.
	So we filmed his bits on Tuesday, and then we also aired it on Thursday.
	So both of his experiences were filmed on the same day.
	And when you saw him going, what?
	Are you serious?
	Come on, really?
	He wasn't there.
	That was fake.
	It's true.
	We tricked you.
	So when you saw that guy reacting to me on the Thursday night, he was in White Plains on Thursday night.
	He was not there.
	Negative.
	No.
	So he was actually video drops.
	And yes, when he was looking at his girlfriend, it was actually Orion.
	I'm not talking about that.
	So I don't want to ruin all of the gags we do on the show, but come on, for fuck's sakes.
	Negative.
	You know, it gave it away.
	We like Easter eggs.
	And one of the Easter eggs was me clearly saying, no, no, no, say this at the end of one of those clips.
	Well, I love people telling us who Johnny Rebel is.
	Oh, my God.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That was great.
	And they're like, Rebel?
	Leber is Rebel backwards.
	Yeah.
	It's also how Chinese people say L's and R's.
	You fucking dummy.
	He's very informative.
	Like, if we didn't know, this is a full summary of who that gentleman is.
	Did a great job of that.
	It's like the people telling us about the crazy hot matrix.
	Like, there's so many fucking zoomers on this show explaining to us the most basic things imaginable.
	So do we send them off with the get fired and the music?
	Yes.
	So, goodbye, freeloaders.
	Hi.
	I'm sorry I'm drunk.
	I'm actually sorry Maddie's so drunk.
	Maddie's much more drunk than me.
	Look at him.
	He holds it together.
	Hey, Maddie, what's eight times eight?
	Eight times eight?
	72.
	Say, no, 64.
	Yep.
	See?
	Wasted.
	Never do math in public.
	So.
	I agree.
	Or in private.
	I'm the only sober person here tonight, but we have to shut it down anyway because you guys are fucking...
	Oh, wait, wait, wait.
	Let me just explain something before we shut it down.
	So I was under the impression that I could have three different crews.
	My boxing crew, my MAGA dad crew, and wait, what's the third?
	My local crew.
	Oh, duck-in crew.
	My local bar crew.
	So I get wasted, whatever.
	And then today they go, we're going to go on a pub crawl.
	So I go, that's awesome.
	So I don't go out late last night.
	I got a good eight hours.
	I spar, which to me means like sparring is like going to a spa.
	Like it's like doing hot yoga.
	Like you're ready to tackle the rest of the day if you spar.
	Now, while I sparred, I got my ass handed to me.
	I got fucking fucked up on the chin.
	I actually did not like today very much at all.
	Huey was very bad to me.
	Maddie's face.
	You gotta be careful with that.
	So I'm sitting here.
	I come back to the studio and I'm watching like Dave Wakefield and Stevie Jones jukebox and I watch a bunch of old punk stuff and Steve Jones is talking about mods and rockers and stuff, which was the origin of the Proud Boys.
	And I start getting in touch with who I am as a person.
	And I'm like, I'm a flamboyant dude.
	I'm a peacock.
	I get it.
	I get me.
	So I stop waiting for the text from the boxer guys.
	This is at like 1 p.m.
	And I put on this stupid suit.
	And I go to McLean Avenue in Yonkers.
	And I go to Dussey Somethings as the first bar.
	Dirty Nelly's.
	Dirty Nelly's.
	I go to Dirty Nelly's.
	And I'm there, and I have a couple beers, and I watch.
	You know, when you're alone at a bar, you're watching like fucking golf and basketball, and you're like.
	And McLean Avenue is very regional.
	So they're not like, hello, where are you from, buddy?
	Like, let's talk.
	So I go, okay.
	I don't mind that, by the way.
	I don't need love.
	And watching those old videos of the English Beat and Pete Townsend and Stevie Jones had like reinstilled who I am as a person.
	And I remembered that I like youth subculture.
	So I was like, this is who I am.
	And I'm going to go to McLean Avenue alone and enjoy myself.
	So then I go do that.
	And then I pay my bill.
	I have two buds in a can.
	And I go to Whistling Donkey.
	And are you laughing?
	Well, me?
	No, not Maddie.
	No?
	No, I'm not laughing at all.
	I don't think it's funny.
	I almost was brought to tears.
	Basically.
	I mean, because what you're saying is you fundamentally, you know, grounded yourself and found out who you were again.
	And it's like, well, sure, anybody can do that.
	Read a book.
	Read your own biography.
	But I'd say you don't have a biography.
	Well, it's like, what do you do?
	It's like, well, you listen to music.
	And music has the power.
	I have a biography.
	I have a book called Death of the Cool.
	That's my...
	Yeah, not everybody has a book, Joe.
	So when you listen to it...
	Why are you crying?
	When you listen to music, it makes you feel like holding it.
	Like there's some hope.
	Like there's inspiration.
	And that's what you did.
	And I think it's a beautiful music.
	Hold on.
	I wasn't even remotely depressed.
	I was just annoyed.
	I know.
	But I'm not crying because of sad things.
	I cry because of happy things.
	Like Joe Rogan.
	Like Joe.
	It's beautiful.
	Really?
	I didn't mean to cut you off.
	What were you saying?
	So anyway, I go to the second bar.
	Now it's like 3 p.m.
	So when I was sitting at the studio, which is like three feet from here, I thought I could work on my book.
	I could do some stuff, but I don't want to like start a two-hour project.
	And then I get a call to go to McField McLaren.
	What's it called?
	McLean activity.
	McFuck.
	McLean.
	Who are you, McLean?
	Fuck.
	So I go down there and I go.
	Um.
	Fuck you.
	I hate you.
	You said that to them?
	Yeah.
	Fuck you.
	I hate you.
	I did.
	I went to two different bars.
	I had three beers.
	I watched a bunch of fucking footage from various parades.
	And let me tell you exactly what I said.
	Okay?
	You ready?
	Yes.
	We have footage of you entering the bar, by the way.
	What you do?
	Hello.
	Okay.
	So I go, I'm going to send you this, Ryan.
	Okay.
	I'm sorry, that wasn't the footage.
	This was the footage.
	Good afternoon, guys.
	Ryan, I actually don't like it when you're funnier than me on my show.
	So let's have a little meter.
	That's cool at that point.
	You get like a.
	Well, it's fitting that it's a meter, isn't it?
	Because it's about me, not about you.
	Otherwise, it'd be a uter.
	Okay, so this is what I said.
	I go, gotta love Ryan's pub crawls.
	He really knows how to put a party together.
	And then one of the people on the chat goes, where are you at?
	You got your Sunday best on?
	And then some stranger, I don't know, I just see him as a number.
	He's like, yo, I'll be in that area at seven.
	Anyone still out?
	And then he goes, Gavin, Uber to Rory Dollins.
	And I go, no.
	I go, I just did Dirty Nellies.
	Now I'm at Whistling Donkey.
	I had a great day so far watching parades and golf on TV.
	And he's like, dude, calm down where we are.
	And I go, wait, you already started hanging out?
	Oh.
	I go, thanks for the heads up.
	And he goes, I said I'd text you after I'm done eating.
	I go, I got a way better idea.
	Why don't you go fuck yourself?
	Damn.
	And then I said it worse because he's had a lot of shitty pub crawls that have sucked.
	The first one was awesome.
	We dressed up as the guys from like Peaky Blinders.
	But the past like four, five have sucked shit.
	So I go, I'm done with these shitty parties and half-assed plans.
	Buh-bye.
	And he's like, I'm waiting for you, blah, blah, blah.
	Damn.
	So was he hurt by that?
	Who cares?
	Wow.
	So anyway, the moral of the story is, remember when you would fuck a bunch of chicks when you were single and you had like that tall Korean chick that you love fucking but you had nothing in common with?
	And you would try to fuck her like once every two weeks.
	But if you didn't talk to her regularly via text, she'd like move on.
	So I think what I learned today is you can't have like three crews.
	I used to have my Mameronek duck-in crew, my MAGA Dad Larchmont crew, and my boxing crew.
	I think it's naive to think you're going to have three kids and three crews.
	I got to amalgamate those.
	I am done.
	Here we go.
	I'm done.
	Yeah, that's me.
	I'm done.
	I'm done trying to have three crews.
	Too much work.
	It's too much work.
	Like, when you meet that girl that you fucked, that like tall Korean chick, and you're like, hey, Liz, I want to fuck you again.
	And she's like, I haven't seen you in three weeks, dude.
	I haven't heard from you.
	Not even a text.
	I have a boyfriend now.
	Goodbye.
	Yeah, you're not the chick that you could just call at any time, put in no work.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, fuck that.
	Wait, you sound like...
	Well, I like him too, but I don't know if I like him that much.
	At any rate, I'm on your side.
	Tonight was an abomination.
	I'm done with my boxing crew.
	I'm done with those guys.
	I'm breaking up with them.
	My crews are now my local bar and my MAGA dads.
	Damn.
	Well, they get what they freaking deserve.
	It hurts.
	What the?
	What was that?
	Is that...
	Hey, computer, what's 8 times 7?
	64.
	8 times 7 is 56.
	Oops.
	I never heard a woman be good at math before.
	All right, so we're done.
	We're going behind the paywall.
	We're going to take live stream donations for exclusively Joe Biggs, who is in solitary confinement for daring to trespass on the Capitol.
	We'll also answer letters and have a gay old time.
	But as far as fucking, you know, freeloaders, goodbye.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Watch out!
	To be free, nothing wrong with that.
	Mr. You okay?
	Now you know this is one of the oldest symbols.
	Well, that means you're gay.
	The wise thing.
	So easy and free.
	So good love you.
	So brown me and my watch comes out of play.
	So easy on the tree when the day comes on me.
	I'm a man you don't need.
	Sarah Egan was one of my closest friends.
	She was going to marry David Cross, but she said no, who knows?
	Maybe it was dick size?
	I don't know.
	But then she dumped me.
	Unbelievable.
	Her loss.
	I don't get it.
	I love her.
	Same with Caddy Shadowins.
	Our home nanny.
	That's the weird thing about these dumps is they don't go like, did you say the Holocaust didn't happen?
	To which if you were a Holocaust in our, you'd be like, well, I knew this was coming.
	Bye.
	Fuck you.
	Didn't happen, bitch.
	300,000.
	Bye.
	Yeah.
	It was a smattering of Jews.
	$700,000 and a trillion three hundred million billion dollars.
	But these fuckers just like dump you for no reason.
	And I want to make it clear here.
	I'm not heartbroken.
	I don't give a shit.
	It's more curious.
	Like Maddie Odell, if he was like, fuck you, you're dead to me.
	Cut off.
	I would call him the next day and be like, wait, what?
	Why?
	And if he didn't respond, I'd go, Maddie lost his mind.
	He's not explaining himself, blah, blah, blah.
	But I'm not talking about Maddieisms.
	I'm talking about like, you know, people you knew, like, Katie was our nanny.
	Like, she helped raise my kids.
	And she was super racist.
	Her jokes.
	Isn't that the fucking thing?
	We all did like earburning jokes about blacks and stuff.
	I have a friend that dumped me in for Trump, and he, dude, he made me uncomfortable back in high school with his racist.
	Yeah, that's the thing.
	Hilarious.
	Like, they did jigaboo jokes, and they had a fucking rat named...
	And you go, what about your rat?
	Yeah.
	Hypocrites.
	But yeah, Sarah Egan, she was super funny and cool.
	you know what I was thinking about, by the way, with the Holocaust denying like bad guy Nazis?
	Here's their version of events.
	Let's just hear their totally innocent, totally cool, totally pro-Jew Nazi version of events.
	All we did was round up Jews and put them in concentration camps, just like you guys with the Japs and the internment camps.
	We just felt these people were a detriment to us.
	And then they bombed the supply chains.
	And we couldn't feed them.
	We couldn't feed our own POWs.
	So approximately 300,000 to 600,000 Jews died.
	They starved to death.
	Okay, so that's their version of events.
	That's still pretty bad.
	You rounded up people based on their religion.
	And POWs are your responsibility, by the way.
	So if there's a bombing, that's on you.
	Even if you didn't predict the bombing, that's on you.
	So you starved to death 300,000 to 600,000.
	This is the good guys.
	This is their version of the good guys.
	Almost a million Jews died of starvation.
	Pretty bad.
	Pretty bad, guys.
	Yeah.
	Pretty bad.
	Not good.
	Not good.
	Don't round up Buddhists.
	Don't round up...
	Don't round up Nazis, for that matter.
	Like, don't round up people with a belief system in the first place.
	That's really, really bad.
	I don't care what the belief system is.
	I don't care what the religion is.
	Don't ever round up anyone.
	Now, I would defend the internment camps in World War II because they were trying to find spies.
	Oh, the Japanese, yeah, they were killing themselves.
	So you can't trust.
	The other thing about the internment camps is it wasn't just Japanese.
	It was spies.
	It was clowns.
	It was anyone who was threatening America.
	I heard they weren't so bad.
	Not to trivialize the American internment camps, but I heard that they weren't so bad.
	They were awesome.
	Did Malkin do something on that?
	Who did something on that?
	Michelle Malkin wrote a book called In Defense of Internment Camps.
	I was in my son's room last week, and he was away at my in-law's house, and so I'm wandering around my own home, and I see this fucking graphic novel.
	And it's George DeKay, We Were Niggers.
	What?
	Okay, I'm exaggerating.
	I don't know what the book was called.
	Oh, my.
	We were jerks.
	And I text him, I go, what is this?
	Is this what you're fucking being taught in school?
	I go, we fought the Nazis and won.
	We ended a world war.
	Yes, we were mean.
	They called us enemy.
	That's it.
	I go, yes, we were rude.
	Yes, we were bad.
	Yes, internment camps were horrible.
	Sorry, that's war.
	It was not great.
	Never is.
	And so I bought Michelle Malkin's book in defense of internment camps, and I gave it to him.
	And he said, this will make a great paperweight.
	And you should be like, and by the way, George Takai is a...
	He's a faggot.
	No, I did send him that.
	No way.
	No, I sent him an article about George Takai molesting a guy.
	Wow.
	And I was like, this is who your school is telling you to research.
	But in his defense, my son said, dude, I just hate books.
	And this was a graphic novel, so I thought it'll go faster.
	And then I proceeded to send him 37 graphic novels that we have on our own books.
	That are dope.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Of like Persepolis and Guy DeLeal and Joe Sacco and a million awesome graphic novels.
	By the way, is it a surprise that he does man rape when his name is literally George Take Guy?
	I mean, come on, guys.
	All the signs are there.
	Let's take I call.
	Let's torture Ryan with all his worst jokes.
	George Take Guy.
	413, you're on the line.
	Hello.
	Yeah, Kenny.
	Hello?
	Hi.
	Yeah, Kenny.
	You're cutting out a little bit, not going to lie.
	You're calling about January 6th in Rikers Island?
	Yep.
	That's better.
	Yes.
	Yeah, so I wanted to call and talk about my January 6th story.
	Okay.
	So I was inside Rikers Island, actually.
	I just got there.
	I'm not going to lie, I'm not a big dude.
	About 130 pounds, 5'6 Jewish guy.
	And they stuck me in what they call like a blood dorm.
	And I was the only white person there.
	And it was quite interesting.
	The guards were black Hebrew Israelites.
	And so I'm seeing on the screen this images of January 6th.
	And all the inmates thought that I was an anti-black terrorist because they had me in there on these bogus charges saying that I tried to blow up a mall with a pack of hot dogs.
	And so all of...
	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	You tried to blow up a mall with a pack of hot dogs.
	I mean, that's what they claimed.
	They evacuated, like, a whole mall in Queens and a couple of blocks, and they made a whole stink, and they put it all over the news.
	Now I'm starting to think that you're doing, like, a prank call.
	No, I know this guy.
	You do?
	Yeah, yeah.
	You met him?
	And he has a New York accent?
	Yeah.
	He's a Jew.
	Okay, sorry.
	Go ahead.
	He's a Jew.
	That's me vouching.
	I know, isn't Matt?
	Are you a Met fan?
	I just...
	No.
	No, I'm Red Sox.
	Red Sox?
	How do Jewish New Yorkers support the Red Sox?
	No, I'm from Massachusetts, but I don't know.
	Oh, you're forced to...
	If you don't support the Red Sox and you're in mass, you're going to get beat up.
	So I understood.
	Go ahead.
	Yeah, no.
	Anyhow, so I'm watching this, and then all the black guys just start going crazy.
	And they locked us down for the next two days.
	And the entire time, the guards were all screaming at me, like calling me the synagogue of Satan and saying that I was controlling this insurrection and it was a Zionist plot.
	And it was just a very bizarre experience because on the news, the only story that we saw was about the insurrection and then about the fact that they had a so-called vaccine shortage.
	And at the same time, they had these bureaucrats coming into the cell.
	And mind you, because of COVID, they already cleared out most of the islands.
	The only people left were like the rapists and the murderers and me.
	And so they bring in this bureaucrat and he's like explaining the benefits of the vaccine and why we need to take it as inmates.
	And on the news, they're saying there's a shortage, but they're not giving it to the guards at this point.
	They're just giving it to us.
	And so I was like, is it a DNA vaccine or an mRNA vaccine?
	The guy's like, oh, it's an mRNA vaccine.
	I was like, oh, has it been taken the safety tests?
	And he's like, what are you doing?
	And so a couple of days he had signed off, and he's telling the people, he's like, yeah, you'll get a high sensation from it.
	I mean, it was just such a bizarre thing.
	And I couldn't access the internet.
	So I obviously couldn't research the vaccine, but it was just an indicator.
	When they started offering it to him, it's like, what the fuck is going on?
	You know what I mean?
	So did you take it?
	No, no, no, no, no.
	Are you allowed to not take it?
	Yeah, you have to sign a special disclosure because of your medical rights or whatnot.
	But they wouldn't let me go out into the yard because I didn't take it.
	They would harass me and whatnot.
	Try to tell me to wear a mask.
	And what prison is this?
	Rikers Island.
	I'm sorry?
	Rikers Island.
	Yeah, it's AMKC.
	Wow.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	That's crazy, man.
	Thanks.
	It's Davin?
	That can't be.
	516.
	Yo, what up?
	What's going on?
	Hey, man.
	Alright.
	Yo, I just want to say that, Ryan, you're awesome.
	Hey, thanks.
	And when Davin's bullying you and fighting words, you should punch him in the face.
	I would never.
	I don't get.
	Okay, you know what?
	Go ahead.
	Punch me in the face while I'm yelling about a thing.
	Does that make the thing go away?
	That's true.
	It's almost admitting guilt.
	Like, Ryan, you didn't edit this.
	You took 18 hours to make this thing.
	That's fucked up, you fucking idiot.
	You asshole.
	Oh, yeah?
	Bonk.
	Okay.
	Now was it done sooner?
	Yes.
	As a person who avoids guilt at all costs, that would be like me being like, I'm guilty.
	And you actually.
	This is the problem with the whole like, fight the guy.
	Okay.
	If you fight the guy, does the thing change?
	Yeah, I think in a lot of ways, anger is weakness.
	And I have control over my anger.
	Next call.
	Because I'm strong, like a bull.
	Brian...
	Oh, I don't want to say his last name, but he had it there.
	626.
	You're on the line.
	What's going on, Brian?
	Hello?
	Hey, what's going on?
	Hey.
	Hey, Gavin, I have a question for you.
	So I want to know how you feel about the Ramones.
	Oh, great question.
	Here's what I think about the Ramones.
	In the 70s, there was this massive push to reboot the 50s.
	Everyone loved it.
	Laverde and Shirley, it was the thing.
	So a lot of New Yorkers, and by the way, all media, all movies came from New York at the time.
	Now it comes from Hollywood.
	But back then, it was from New York.
	So American culture was about supporting the 50s.
	I don't know fucking why.
	What a weird thing.
	Greece, happy days.
	Rumble seats, Greece, happy days.
	Hey, I'm a bum.
	Hey, the Fons, whatever.
	Fons comes from Lords of Flatbush, Henry Winkler.
	So the Ramones are a bunch of fucking retarded meatheads who said, let's do Rockabilly.
	Okay, hey, oh, let's go.
	We'll burn up the backsheets.
	They were so nervous on stage that they sped it up.
	And so they accidentally made kind of punk.
	Do you want to dance?
	So they created this fast rockabilly that the Brits, of course, the British people, when they saw them, they went, oh my God, what they're doing is they're showing you that the working class can make rock and roll.
	And it's so inspiring.
	No, that's all an accident.
	Joy Ramon is a retarded Jew acting like an Italian.
	It's all a shit show.
	So, but so, okay, so I read this book when I was like 15.
	It was like, I don't know, it just said Ramones on the cover.
	It was like the story of the Ramones.
	And it was like fucking their dick saying, like, they were, they strayed punk and they inspired like the sex pistols and the clash.
	Is that like revisionist history?
	Is that fake?
	Or is that true?
	Um, good question.
	I don't know.
	It's possible that the sex pistols in the clash saw Joey Ramon and these fucking dumb losers from Queens in 1979 play a show in London at the 100 Club or wherever it was and go,
	oh my God, what they're doing is so profound.
	They're reinventing what rock and roll can be.
	So it's possible that these dummies saw the Ramones do that dumb show and they went like, it's a gift from God.
	But what's incredibly important to remember is that the Sex Puzzles already had a set list before the Ramones played that show.
	The Clash already had a set list.
	They're already ready to rock before the Ramones played that show.
	The Ramones did not invent punk rock.
	Punk rock was already thriving in bubbling up, you would say.
	Are you trying to say like the Ramones were like pushed forward because they were embodying that like 1950s aesthetic?
	Like they were propped up, would you say?
	I think the Ramones went for the 1950s aesthetic because that's what everyone was doing then.
	Including, by the way, Twisted Sister and a bunch of other bands.
	You mean New York Dolls?
	The New York Dolls.
	They did that show in London, and because of the timing, everyone goes, oh, America invented punk.
	But it's not true.
	Brits had, the Clash and the Sex Buses had already had their set lists done.
	They'd already established their bands.
	And I know I'm slurring like a drunken idiot, so I don't sound accurate, but it's a fact.
	Was the whole CBGB thing like bullshit?
	Or like, what do you think about that then?
	Wait, what's bullshit?
	The CBGB scene, like with Blondie, the Talking Heads.
	CBGB was fantastic, but it was art rock.
	Television, all those bands, Talking Heads, they were art school kids who were doing art rock.
	That wasn't punk.
	Punk had to be...
	The definition of punk is like a guy screaming because he's mad at you.
	For sure.
	That was maybe the Dead Boys.
	You could do that for CBGBs.
	No.
	New York invented the word punk, but as far as the music, it was British.
	Who's this guy talking?
	Like the attitude and everything.
	Thanks for calling.
	Good job holding down the Fort Rye guy.
	Have Maddie tell prison slash bikers with us to show.
	Let us know how much you remember on the Monday G-Dog.
	Okay, that's very insulting.
	CBGs.
	That sounds like a little candy you could eat.
	Those aren't CBGs.
	Those are M ⁇ Ms.
	Whatever.
	I wish they had bacon on them.
	I got on my pillow today.
	That guy was on our side, by the way, for a while.
	Jim Gaffigan?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, but then his wife was like...
	So yeah, 100% of the live feeds go to Joe Biggs.
	He needs 80 grand.
	This is kind of a good would you rather?
	Would you rather piss to bed tonight or shit your pants in the car on the way home?
	Neither of those seem like a big deal to me.
	One of them seems like a big deal.
	I mean, I shit myself at the bar tonight.
	You did what?
	I shit myself at the duck.
	That's gross.
	Did it taste like candy?
	I don't know.
	I didn't taste it.
	Why is he talking about tasting his shit?
	Because I'm hungry.
	Somebody asked a pretty good question.
	They were for consequential amounts of money.
	Meeting girlfriends' parents for the first time.
	Any advice?
	Shut up.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Can Maddie bake?
	I don't do a lot.
	I have, but it's not my forte.
	And then they asked about $50, asking you about Blink 182 and the pop punk era of quote-unquote punk.
	Like the fat records type of shit.
	Yeah, that's what made me quit punk.
	I hated that shit.
	I'm white trash.
	Fuck off.
	The bowling shirts.
	The bowling shirts made me quit.
	But you know what's weird?
	I was saying this on, I can't remember whose podcast it was, but I was like, I went over to NWA and Paris and MC Ren and all these MC rap dudes who would just talk about white people and how they all need to die.
	And I'd be sitting there with my headphones being like, fucking right, man.
	The white devil needs to die.
	Die.
	For like five years of my life.
	Gangsta rap.
	Yeah.
	MC Wren, the black nigga that they call Wren.
	Or Paris, the devil made me do it.
	Strange.
	It's a strange thing about whites.
	And I can't repeat how much, how often this has come up, but like Japanese, Mexicans, blacks, there's something about whites Where they're just like, let's kill all white people.
	And white people go, Yeah, that sounds good.
	Let's do it.
	I can't figure it out.
	Doesn't sound like a good idea to me.
	No other group is like that.
	Or even tonight, like when I was leaving the boxers who I'm dumping, by the way.
	I'm dumping those guys.
	We're done.
	I'm coming back to my main core friends, like Maddie.
	And it's an African dude with dumb mesh pants, and he makes sure I wear my mask because he's a retard.
	And I'm like, so he moved here from, I don't know, the Congo, and he's got a gig driving a cab in, you know, driving an Uber in New York.
	Imagine us moving to Paris.
	My French sucks, but I could probably, you know, do good enough to pick up people from their locations.
	The idea of me picking up someone in Paris, 0% chance.
	0% chance.
	But why do we constantly have, like, you go to the fucking airport in Ottawa, Canada, and everyone's a Sikh.
	They all have the fucking turbine.
	The idea of me going to, we're Sikhs, Bangladesh, and being at the airport with, I don't know, a fucking sideways rap baseball hat and being like, what's going on, dude?
	Yo, what's up, nigga?
	And checking their fucking ID, it's unfathomable.
	Why are we so eager to let everyone in when they would never consider letting us in?
	Go move to fucking Spain tomorrow.
	Go work in an airport in Barcelona tomorrow.
	It's not fathomable.
	No.
	I don't care if you're the top airport expert in New York City.
	There's no fucking way you can work in Barcelona.
	But if you're some random fucking seek, yeah, you can work in any airport in fucking New York.
	We got a caller on the line named Brian651.
	Is this true?
	Hey.
	Hey.
	What's going on?
	I need some fashion advice about your jewelry, about your Cuban chain.
	Wondering what the length is and what the diameter is.
	My Cuban lengths chain is the normal Italian Brooklyn guy that has it.
	Thanks for calling.
	I've had this for 20 years now.
	My wife got it for me.
	Nice.
	Let's see, we got Calvin about his relationship, 949.
	Hello, Gavin.
	Hey, man.
	Hey, can you hear me?
	Yes.
	First of all, this is the one I was going to say, but I have to say, Gavin, like, Ryan, you are in the presence of a legend amongst legends.
	Like, I don't know, dude.
	I'm 20 years old, and you're funny, Ryan, but you have the best job in the world.
	I'm so jealous, bro.
	Thank you.
	Second thing, the main thing I wanted to say, Gavin, is so I'm 20 years old.
	I live in San Diego.
	I want to go back to college, but every college I have to get vaccinated.
	I did online school during COVID, and it was the most depressing saga of my life.
	So I just, honestly, I'm looking at moving to Texas or another state, but I love it down here in Southern California other than how left it is.
	But I just, I don't know what to do.
	I want to take a school.
	Go to school.
	What are you going to take in school?
	What do I want to do in school?
	Yeah.
	Business.
	Business.
	What does that mean?
	Like, you're going to take business in school.
	I don't get it.
	Like, wouldn't it make...
	You could open a lemonade stand and you'd learn more about business than you would in school.
	Well, my main option is journalism, but like, I know for a fact I've deleted all my social media just because it's not good.
	But if I became a journalist, they're going to find a tweet from my past.
	I can't go into journalism as a conservative, right?
	Right?
	Sort of.
	I mean, you can't go into that.
	Look at Savannah, what's her name, Hernandez?
	I think so.
	Yeah, that sounds about right.
	Savannah Hernandez.
	Yeah, dude, fuck, stop what you're doing.
	Get out of college.
	If you want to relay the news and do storytelling, do what I do.
	Just make up your own shit.
	But the idea of acquiescing into the mainstream and generating normal dollars from what?
	MSNBC?
	What do you mean by make up your own shit?
	Just like, I don't know, tweet yourself.
	Like, make your own statements.
	All right.
	Thank you, Gavin.
	Okay, he didn't seem convinced.
	Tim Poole's hiring people, too.
	He's expanding his journalist thing.
	Go join Tim Poole.
	Like, apply for that.
	There's people making, you know, shit.
	It's true.
	We got...
	The idea of being remotely intelligent and going to journalism school.
	Okay, I did it.
	I got my degree.
	And then you want to apply to like the Washington Post, the New York Times, and Breitbart.
	Why not?
	I'm an unbiased reporter.
	I'm just looking up the news, and I want to report on shit that's happening with Breitbart and the New York Times.
	Why not?
	It's just facts.
	No.
	Not happening anymore.
	It's all done.
	Media is a joke.
	So stop wasting your fucking money.
	Oh, the debt.
	That is insane.
	It's 300 grand.
	I'm rich as shit.
	300 grand?
	That's me getting punched in the cunt.
	And I have three kids.
	Luckily, they're Indians, so they get free college, but if they didn't, I just go, don't go.
	You're not going.
	No.
	If you're obsessed with biochemistry and you know the periodic table of the elements, by all means, let's do it.
	I'll fucking empty my bank account.
	But that's never the case.
	They're always teaching like speech pathology or some bullshit.
	Multimedia.
	What does that even mean?
	You'll be so broke, you'll make William Rockefeller look like Gary's mailbag, babe.
	You know, our very own Josh LaCash interviewed Mr. Sam Hyde.
	Oh, that's cool.
	And talking about only finance.
	And he's like, yeah, don't go to school.
	Don't go to school.
	It's retarded.
	Go to school if you're in S-T-E-M, science, technology, engineering, mathematics.
	By all means.
	Definitely go.
	But what the fuck?
	Speech pathology?
	No.
	My degree, I have a bachelor in English literature.
	So you want to talk about Jane Austen and Charles Dickens?
	By all means.
	I might remember, I don't know, an hour of the bullshit that I was taught?
	Probably not.
	Waste of time.
	Total waste of fucking time.
	And this is back in Canada where the tuition was like four grand a year.
	NYU, it's 60 grand a year.
	It's a joke.
	It's a joke.
	You're wasting so much money.
	You're going to make Motley Crew look like Casey in the Sunshine banter, right, babe?
	We have another call.
	Bernie, 95, 925.
	Go ahead, Bernie.
	Babe.
	What's up, guys?
	Hey, man.
	I got a quick.
	I called in when Gab made the comment about shutting down Maddie's shitty little kitchen.
	I'm telling you, made a good date night for me and my wife pan-frying some steaks and getting the river-eyes going.
	Probably.
	Yeah, Maddie's shitty little kitchen is done.
	I don't like it.
	It's canceled.
	Damn.
	Yeah.
	One episode done.
	Maddie.
	The fans don't like Maddie.
	They find him abrasive.
	It's not happening.
	It's not working out.
	I want to start a show called Gazzlow Kitchen.
	Me, I do like grilled cheeses.
	Dude, you're like stealing his...
	You're stealing the guy's fucking idea, dude.
	I think you guys fucked it on the corner beef.
	I think you could have put a show together for that.
	Maddie and I got a bunch in common.
	I did like 15 hours in County.
	Oh, yeah, 15 hours.
	15 hours.
	Nothing.
	I did four hours.
	Dude, I had to watch Green Mile, and like 90% of the people in there were black.
	That was a rough, rough crowd.
	That's true.
	What did you do 15 hours for, sir?
	So I got a domestic with my ex-girlfriend.
	She was drinking some scotch.
	Told her to get out of here.
	She sounded guilty.
	Got mad.
	Threw the glass down on the ground.
	Left, went to go get some money out of the bank.
	And by the time I came back, she called the cops.
	So we had a couple cops there.
	They knew I didn't do anything to her, but are you still with her today?
	Negative.
	Good.
	It's a negative.
	No, she's a psycho bitch.
	That's not worth fake domestics.
	I've been down that road.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	Ladies and gentlemen, Bill Burr is here.
	Yeah, dude, you can't take Maddie's show.
	You know, that's his fucking show.
	No, it's done.
	But you just said you wanted to do Gav's kitchen.
	I want to do my show.
	Yeah, dude, you're just stealing his fucking show, dude.
	So what?
	I own the network.
	I want to cancel Maddie's little kitchen.
	And I'm going to make like fucking spaghetti.
	You don't even know how to cook.
	I will learn.
	I'll Google it before the show.
	No, dude, you don't even have recipes.
	And you're stealing this fucking guy's show.
	Look at this fucking guy.
	This guy could cook.
	And you're just like, oh, I'm going to make a grilled cheese.
	Oh, I'm going to make a grilled cheese.
	Dude, you're not going to do it.
	You're going to say you're going to do it.
	You're going to make like the fucking banner and the little fucking icon and have a fucking intro.
	Make the Asian kid do an intro?
	Yeah, probably.
	Yeah, do it.
	And you're not even going to do a show.
	You're not going to cook.
	Watch.
	And then this fucking guy's out on his ass for no reason.
	It's fucking brutal.
	Well, but there's something about fucking blackjacks that gives you an obstramus view of the future.
	Gotta be.
	I was wrong.
	Wow.
	Maddie's shitty little kitchen is back.
	Yes, we got him.
	We're back.
	Canceled and back.
	Thanks, Bill.
	Dude, no problem.
	It's like, dude, he was going to make MREs or like some like, you know, like fucking just put water in it.
	Oh, today I'm making tea.
	No, you're not.
	If it wasn't for Bill Burr, I would have canceled the show.
	If I hear a celebrity make a case, I'm biased.
	And I say it like, let's say.
	Because the celebrity word, celebrities are better than real people.
	Celebrities are better than real people.
	307, you're on the line.
	Hey, how's it going, guys?
	What's going on?
	Hey, I was the first caller.
	I was calling back to demand my free shit.
	Yeah, the first two callers.
	Oh, for free.
	Right on.
	hey, I'm also in the market for a suit.
	I'm out in Wyoming.
	And I was thinking about Nika Fashions, but I'll tell you, I ordered some censored TV t-shirts two weeks ago coming out of Vegas, and they're not to Wyoming yet.
	So thinking about Nita Fashions in Hong Kong, how long is that going to take?
	I don't know if it's the booze talking, but I hereby am going to pay for you to get a custom suit from Nita Fashion.
	Damn.
	No way.
	Yes, sir.
	No.
	So email me gavin at censored.tv.
	I am going to make sure you get a custom suit.
	It could be fucking blue, brown, corduroy.
	It's going to be your suit, dude.
	Damn.
	Thank you.
	Thank you, Gavin.
	You are my hero, dude.
	I've been listening a long time.
	I'm turning 40 this year, and that means a lot to me, buddy.
	Do you have kids?
	Yeah, but they're not mine.
	Okay.
	How old's your wife?
	She is a year younger than me, so she's 39.
	She'll be 40 next year.
	Okay.
	Can you make your own kids with her?
	Well, she has three of her own and is, you know, fixed.
	She's too fat to have kids.
	She's spaded.
	She's fat.
	Spade.
	Yeah, she's got her cubes tied.
	I know I'm not too old to do it, and it's something I'm going to do very soon, I think.
	All right, well, thanks for calling.
	You're getting a suit.
	Congratulations.
	I love you, man.
	Cut her locks.
	Fucking A fuck.
	Now we got...
	Oh, he left.
	904 on the line.
	Well, you got Maddie.
	Go for it.
	What's going on, 904?
	What's up, dudes?
	What's happening?
	Where's the drunk asshole at?
	He just ran to the bathroom.
	Of course.
	And I don't really get it.
	Why is he always talking about being a Catholic, but he doesn't really give a shit about learning anything?
	Well, I don't either.
	What do you think about that?
	Hey, Dinesh.
	Hey.
	Well, I think everybody has a different path to Christ or God or whatever you believe in.
	And, you know, sometimes, you know, like a lot of Catholics, for instance, they tell me to join the Catholic Church.
	And, you know, I see them, you know, sinning or, you know, there's flaws in the way that they go about life.
	Not very Catholic, but it's okay because you can't judge the shortcomings of people as long as they are believing in Christ and they are, you know, a faithful person.
	It's a good start.
	And you can't judge them by their shortcomings.
	We are all sinners.
	We are all toads.
	Well, yeah, I mean...
	Yeah, but Gavin acts like he would be a Hindu if Hinduism was huge in New York City.
	Well, I don't know.
	You've got a major in the majors, a minor in the minors.
	Like, yes, Christ is the center of everything, but he's...
	I don't know nothing.
	Deanette Sousa is here.
	Yes.
	How are you?
	Right now he's talking about your relationship with Christ and the Catholic Church and how you're not a good Catholic and things like that.
	And I'm telling him that, you know, sometimes you feel like you're a toad.
	Or not.
	I don't know.
	Getting like a note.
	Sometimes you feel like you're a toad.
	Toad.
	Crazy, Dinesh.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	Flapping around like a d-toad.
	All right, thanks, Maddie.
	Yep.
	Ooh, just thanks, Maddie.
	It's kind of a burn.
	Somebody with a $100 super chat.
	Gavin, do you ever feel you created an irreverent, amoral, substantially ironic, iconoclastic media empire that accelerated the collapse of journalism in the West by at least a decade?
	Thank you for your comment that's going to Joe Biggs is lawyer trial.
	Yeah, I did do that.
	But what I've been doing to correct it ever since is trying to promote the family and saying, yes, irreverence is important.
	Let's be rebels.
	Let's be hipsters.
	But don't not get married.
	Don't not make babies.
	So, yeah, I fucked up, I guess, with vice.
	And I did do a lot of bad stuff.
	I did promote a level of atheism and anti-family culture.
	And then I met my wife, who was my girlfriend, and she was like some random party squaw.
	And she was like, if we get married, will you want to have kids?
	And I said, no, I don't want kids.
	Which is what my dad said when he met my mom.
	And my mom was right, and my wife was right.
	So ever since, I've been fanatically trying to encourage marriage and babies.
	Please get married.
	Please make babies.
	Please.
	Somebody wants Maddie to do the war drop.
	So you would just mouth war.
	So let's...
	You want to try it out?
	Okay.
	War.
	Oh, shit.
	I miss it, right?
	Yeah.
	All right.
	War.
	Close.
	War.
	It's hard, dude.
	We are ready.
	War.
	War.
	War.
	You know what I was thinking today as I brushed my teeth this morning?
	What was it?
	Is it possible that Breitbart would have less of an influence on society if he was alive today?
	Hmm.
	Like, his impact is overwhelming post-death.
	What if he was running around, showing up on like Kennedy on FBN, appearing on podcasts?
	I don't know.
	Would he have the same impact?
	Yeah.
	Dead people are more iconic.
	Then I should kill you.
	I don't want to be iconic.
	Thank you.
	But I do appreciate it.
	No.
	No, no.
	I don't want to be iconic.
	Tonight.
	No, no.
	No, not tonight, please.
	Why don't you think about it for a while?
	Because it's a big move.
	I mean, plus, I have a daughter.
	You know, she needs me.
	Otherwise, she's going to wind up like...
	I was talking to Conor McGregor's striking coach, John Kavanaugh, yesterday.
	And I said, I was sparring in the morning, and I beat up a cop.
	And all cops are bastards.
	And I felt great.
	And I was strutting around.
	I did my show with Anthony, and I was like, fuck you, world.
	And I was like, sparring is great.
	You have to do it.
	And then I did it today.
	And I had my ass handed to me, and I was severely abused.
	Hurt.
	And I got to say, walking down the street, didn't feel like strutting.
	Felt like a mouse.
	It's humbling.
	Felt pretty bad.
	And right now, my nose is tender.
	Like, this is all tender.
	I don't feel very good.
	Don't spar, folks.
	Sounds like your nose was tender and somebody swiped right on it pretty high.
	And I showed up late, assuming that they would be on like round 15.
	And I got to the gym and I go, where is everyone?
	They go, they knew you were going to show up late, so they showed up late.
	You foiled your plans.
	Foiled my plans, and they punched me in the face super fucking hard.
	Like in the chin and the nose and in the head.
	Those are bad places to be.
	I don't like sparring.
	I hate it.
	It's tatable, huh?
	It hurts my head.
	Like imagine tonight if Maddie was like, good show and everything, and then he just punched me in the nose.
	Bam.
	We'd go like, what the fuck?
	Like, it'd be a major deal.
	Yeah.
	It'd be a major ordeal.
	What the fuck?
	Why does Maddie hate Gavin?
	What's going on?
	Why did he do that?
	He can't come in the studio ever again.
	No.
	No, he's a psycho.
	Yeah.
	He punches people.
	The show wasn't.
	Oh, my God.
	That would be like the craziest.
	He shouldn't be allowed in the Bronx.
	An unprovoked attack.
	He's a psycho.
	He punches people.
	Psycho.
	And that's one second of sparring.
	I hate it.
	I want it banned.
	Just to cap that off of the fart.
	We have 479 on the line.
	479.
	Go ahead.
	What's up?
	What's happening?
	What up?
	So I have been on the phone so long that I was whooped.
	I don't know.
	Four guys in horseshoes.
	Got a little drunk.
	Forgot what the fuck I called for.
	Well, bye.
	I'm just kidding.
	I'm going to talk about Bryce Mitchell.
	Do you guys know who that is?
	UFC fighter.
	Is he based?
	His name is Bryce Mitchell.
	He's from Sierra, Arkansas.
	I don't know.
	Think about him.
	He's very open about his political views and what he thinks is going on in the world and everything.
	And he had like a $90,000 purse.
	It was the biggest one he was.
	Yeah, that's the guy that was on UFC the other day.
	Yeah, yeah.
	He was on Tucker.
	He said, if you come to my neighborhood, I want to fight.
	But otherwise, I don't give a shit about you.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Great guy.
	Perfect definition of how we all feel.
	So I think I was calling in to talk you into Arkansas if you ever moved, but now that I hear some of the fuck-ups that have called into the show tonight, we have like cottonmouth water moccasins.
	We have fucking ticks.
	You don't want to be down here.
	Alligators, you know.
	Like critters and creatures.
	Okay, thanks for the heads up, buddy.
	Thanks for calling.
	By the way, St. Patrick's, whose day it is today, he removed all the snakes and banished them from Ireland.
	No more snakes.
	No more snakes.
	He had a staff.
	Yep.
	Later snakes.
	I haven't seen anybody express it better than you did.
	Why did you say that?
	Well, thank you so much for having me, brother.
	And I said that because that's the first thing that I thought when he asked me, and I was trying to give him the best answer that I could.
	And that's just my opinion and thoughts on the subject.
	I was going to say, I know Tucker Carlson.
	We speak regularly.
	And I spoke to him about Ukraine, and I was like, I don't give a fuck about any of this.
	I'm not remotely concerned.
	And he goes, I'm very scared.
	This is real.
	And Jim Goad, too.
	I talked to Jim and I was like, who fucking cares?
	This is bullshit.
	And Jim goes, I'm very scared.
	We could all die.
	And I went, personally, in my spine, I feel zero fear.
	This is all gay.
	But I talked to smart guys like Tucker and Jim, and I go, hmm, you guys seem scared.
	That's valid.
	Would you rather join Orange Theory Gym or become a cross?
	I don't know what that means.
	It's like a pushy girl gym.
	Okay, now, who cares?
	That's a gay question.
	I'm officially moving out of state with the family.
	Do you have any advice on how to make new friends?
	I want to be gay.
	Yeah, I do have advice on making new friends.
	I've lived in a million new places, from fucking Taiwan to Quebec to New York City.
	This is what you do.
	When you arrive at a new place, shut your mouth.
	It's not about you.
	Ryan is the worst person for this.
	He talks about himself.
	He mentions like, when I was seven, I used to eat licorice.
	Shut up.
	Don't talk about yourself.
	Ask people about themselves and get to know what they're about.
	The worst thing you can do when you're ingratiating yourself with a new group is to talk about yourself.
	Sit there, take it all in, be silent.
	If no one asks you anything, be silent.
	And then eventually, if they start asking you about your life or whatever, do like generalizations.
	Maybe people who got beat up by their big brother tend to sign up for the military.
	I don't know.
	Like patterns that eventually get into who you are.
	And that goes for getting pussy too.
	Don't talk about yourself all the time.
	Let them talk.
	Let everyone else do the talking.
	The worst thing, this guy, Ryan, I hang out with him, we go traveling.
	He like will tell the person at the airport about his mother's vagina and say that it's flaky because she put too much yogurt on it.
	It's just an example.
	Like don't talk about your life.
	Talk about their lives.
	And this is why Trump is so endearing because he gets into what you're about.
	Oh, what's going on with your daughter now?
	She's going to Harvard.
	That's exciting.
	That's a big school.
	Be that guy.
	Be Trump.
	And if you want to get pussy, my number one piece of advice is be Bill Murray in stripes when he's putting the spatula under the chick who's sitting on the fucking kitchen counter or the grill.
	He's the thing.
	That's who you want to be.
	If you want to get laid, be a Bill Murray.
	Talking, laughing, fucking.
	That would totally turn me on 100%.
	That's my HeliClan impression.
	Thank you, sir.
	Super chat.
	Here's 50 bucks for anything other than college fun.
	Even for STEM, you can learn more in a hackerspace or just researching.
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	Even STEM, like just volunteer at a fucking biochem lab.
	This caller's been on for a while.
	He's been waiting for about five minutes.
	Hey, can I get a can Dimitri?
	Dimitri from Grandma.
	847.
	You're on the line.
	I might want to say hi.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	What's going on?
	Yo, first of all, Ryan, you got to fix this fucking phone call system.
	You sound like you're 50 feet away.
	I can barely fucking hear you.
	We don't care about Ryan, though.
	We don't want him to be local.
	By the way, we got a call here.
	Maddie's Kitchen is amazing.
	Wait till you see the next Maddie's Kitchen.
	It's prison food.
	I didn't see the first one.
	Why the fuck would I watch the second one?
	Well, you're an idiot.
	Second.
	It's like, I've never been to Turkey.
	Why would I go to Greece?
	You're totally off about college.
	If you want to have skills and demonstrate yourself to a business, you got to go to college, get a degree.
	It's not that fucking hard.
	Fuck.
	I mean, anybody can be.
	What are your skills, sir?
	I'm about to graduate.
	I'm getting an aerospace engineering degree.
	Okay, that's different.
	We already said, like, that's the E in STEM.
	So obviously engineering is self-defense.
	I thought you could just get that shit from Google.
	That's what you just said.
	No, not engineering.
	No one's saying that you can learn how to repair a fucking helicopter from Google.
	Although maybe I am.
	You can learn anything on Google.
	But yes, goes gay.
	Goodbye.
	Thanks for calling.
	Gatman, my buddy and I have been on the origin of Uhuru.
	I found a member of this from a black activist guy.
	Yes, Uhuru comes from Gazi Kadzo, and he was brainwashing retarded whites into defending reparations.
	And not only were they saying, we need to do reparations, not only were they screaming, Uhuru, but they were speaking in Ebonics.
	And we thought it was funny.
	So Proud Boys go like this, mocking an inside joke.
	It's actually a comedy thing.
	It's like chicken cross the road.
	So it's amazing how many of these fucking critics cite this club as evil and racist and whatever, when so much of their fucking things are based on you need a bump of cocaine right now.
	Okay, let's see what.
	A drunken bite of pizza.
	Green triangle.
	Yeah, he's a guy who has a, he's got a picture of you eating a drunken slice of pizza as his icon.
	You're a beta.
	Beta.
	Amazing.
	Amazing.
	Oh, there's a caller online.
	Hello?
	Hello, Carla.
	What's your name?
	Where do you want?
	We had someone call.
	Hey, Gavin, you're 100% right about college.
	It's fucking bullshit.
	I'm a young business owner.
	It's bullshit.
	Skip all that.
	These fucking kids have been brainwashed.
	I'm a thousand years ahead of everyone my age because I own a small business.
	How old are you?
	22.
	And what's your business?
	We do infrastructure repair.
	Like bridges and shit?
	Sewer infrastructure repair.
	Fantastic.
	Another thing, the reason I called was something that I haven't seen you talk about is how cities are requiring 10 to 20 percent, if not higher, of these infrastructure bills to be going to fair share or disadvantaged businesses, which is minority work.
	I live in a tiny city, 56% black.
	We spend over $500 million, and they want businesses that have done $10 million to 10X in a fucking year instead of outsourcing it.
	10X?
	Because it's mandatory to be 20% black.
	Amazing.
	Do you hate white people?
	Dude, I can't hear, Ryan.
	Do you love white people?
	Do I love white people?
	Absolutely.
	Amazing.
	Yeah, you should look into the federal government, they're getting over a trillion dollars in infrastructure work to be done.
	20% of that's going to have to go to black business.
	They're printing money for these fucking people.
	It's not just black people, it's also women-owned.
	They're printing money for them.
	And you'd be stupid not to be a veteran, black, or woman, and not make a fucking fortune in the next 10 years.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	Jesse, I feel like you're not sophisticated enough to understand what the fuck was just going on.
	What are you doing?
	No, he's talking about they make bridges, right?
	Out of pipes.
	You weren't even listening to his call.
	I was.
	He said black, and he said women, too, so they have equal opportunities, but what they didn't do is they didn't forget that mother.
	This is what I just discovered.
	It's not on the show, by the way.
	So who is the black chick that was just voted into the Supreme Court because Biden thought she's black?
	Black.
	Jackson is her name.
	Brown.
	So Biden goes, I'm going to get a black woman to be in the Supreme Court.
	The disturbing thing about that is it's fucking affirmative action.
	And as we were discussing yesterday on Anthony's show, these fucking affirmative action hires like the fucking dude who was starting fires so he could be the first guy at the fire.
	And he made $380,000 a year as the best fireman in the world because he was at the fire first.
	And this cunt Jackson is the same Bill.
	What's her name?
	Ken Dodger Brown Jackson.
	I hate that.
	There's always three names, by the way.
	Yeah, they got a lot of names.
	And she has consistently voted for pedophiles to be forgiven.
	Hold on a sec.
	Let me pull this up here.
	Yeah.
	That's crazy.
	Often when there's someone with kiddie porn, the minimum sentence is like 60 months a year, 60 months forever.
	But she has regularly voted down the lowest sentence for pedophiles.
	Wow.
	I think she might have been fucked as a kid or something.
	Maybe they're setting up an easy way for Hunt to buy and to get away with what he did.
	So that way, if it goes to Supreme Court, she's going to give him like, you know, less time.
	Even the New York Times admission laptop tapping.
	You heard about that, right?
	I know.
	Yeah, I think it was New York Times.
	Okay, here I have it.
	This guy, Josh Hawley looked it up.
	I've been researching the record of Judge Katanji Brown Jackson, reading her opinions, articles, interviews, and speeches.
	I've noticed an alarming pattern when it comes to Judge Jackson's treatment of sex offenders, especially those preying on children.
	So Josh Hawley, who's on Twitter as Hawley MO, lists his research after that.
	And it's fucking alarming, dude.
	It's like pedophile after pedophile.
	And every time you find these pedophiles, by the way, they don't have like four pictures on their hard drive.
	They have like four terabytes.
	And she always goes down to 60 months when it's suggested that it should be, you know, 70, 80 months.
	And this is the bitch who's replacing the liberal who retired.
	And I said on Getter, I go, this is good news.
	Because the previous guy was somewhat moderate.
	And he would pull Kavanaugh and more moderates over to the left.
	But she's such a freak that she won't.
	And now I'm realizing, yeah, I understated my argument.
	No one is going near her.
	She's a fucking pedophile.
	This woman has pardoned a million pedophiles and said, all right.
	And Job, like, I knew there was judges that were corrupt like this, but Joe Biden was like, I need a black woman.
	Who do you got?
	And they found her.
	Okay.
	Let's do it.
	That's crazy.
	Don't look up her record.
	Yeah, that's crazy.
	I need a Democrat black woman.
	Now, my problem with affirmative action is that's like saying, I need a left-handed albino security guard.
	Well, we Have people who can protect you, Gavin, but we don't have any left-handed albinos.
	Well, find one.
	We have one in Brazil who's not that good at fighting.
	Okay, I want that one.
	So they fly in the Brazilian right-handed bodyguard who's an albino.
	Gets the job.
	She can't help me.
	She's a retard.
	That's crazy.
	Speaking of retards, we got somebody on the line here.
	301.
	Go ahead.
	301.
	What's up, Beavis and Butthead and the magnificent Maddie O'Dell?
	What's happening?
	Whoa, whoa, whoa.
	Why do Ryan and I get negative terms and why does Maddie get a cool term?
	Well, considering he was in one of the most notorious organizations known in American history, I owe him in a much more class of respect than both of you.
	Not that I don't respect you and Ryan.
	I definitely respect both of you.
	I watch every fucking show.
	I'm just scared of Maddie.
	Through the phone, even.
	I am too.
	It's all good.
	Love it.
	Thank you.
	Appreciate it.
	Anyway, so my reason for calling is I completely agree with Gavin's opinion on the drug war.
	My very short service in the Navy proves that the Navy has their priorities completely out of whack, in my opinion.
	This is completely my opinion.
	They're sending ships all over the world to seize drugs from the cartel.
	And the amount of money that I think they're spending in man hours and ordnance and everything doesn't even compare to how much we're seizing in the drugs, you know.
	Amazing.
	Amazing.
	AKA, we weren't listening.
	They should just make them all illegal.
	Okay, so let's fix that.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	So we only have like 10 minutes left.
	Let's do all Collins.
	I mean, you know.
	Pay attention.
	Live streams.
	Okay.
	Gavi, you're met John Bloom, aka Joe Biggs.
	Have I ever met Joe Biggs?
	Joe Bob Briggs.
	Oh, that guy.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Joe Bob Briggs.
	No, he's a great writer, though.
	I never met him.
	Next.
	Fucking...
	Teaser for fags and children.
	Please make sweatshirts.
	Okay, we're on it.
	We got a lot.
	You're not going to believe this, but you know how we said we're making a shirt that says, I don't break for queefs?
	Yeah.
	How do you remember that?
	I've been working with this Mexican dude who's a very talented cartoonist.
	And I swear to God, we have been working for months creating the perfect shirt that says, I don't break for quefs.
	Right.
	No, it says, I don't break.
	Then there's a monster truck.
	There's one of us, a baby monster.
	There's a chick with her tits out, the passenger seat.
	And then it says, four queefs.
	Dude, we have been back and forth for months.
	And I keep apologizing to him going, because he made a baby monster shirt that it's perfect.
	He showed the baby monster.
	I sent it to you.
	I'm like, you got it.
	You nailed it.
	That's awesome.
	Thank you so much.
	But with this, I don't break for Queefs.
	I don't know why.
	I want it to be like tattoo worthy.
	And I texted him last night.
	I go, I'm really sorry that I keep busting your balls, but what about this font?
	He's like, dude, I get it.
	You want it to be perfect.
	I'm going to keep working on it.
	When we finally complete the I Don't Break for Quefs shirt, it's going to be better than the Hells Angels logo.
	Maybe or a different club.
	It's going to be better than the American flag.
	There we go.
	That's way better.
	It's going to be shocking.
	It already is shocking.
	Like he has flames and smoke on the wheels.
	It will be glorious.
	It is fantastic.
	And what I love about it is the concept.
	I don't break for queeves.
	Yeah.
	Pussy farts.
	It's the stupidest political belief ever made.
	And it is political.
	It is political.
	I don't break for queeves.
	Some guys break for queeves.
	I've heard.
	And I feel like Maddie and I are the same guy, but I feel like you are kind of a gay lord, Ryan, but you fucked a lot of bitches.
	And I feel like the three of us, if there's one thing that unites us, we've never broken for queef.
	Never.
	I've never broken for a queeef or a regular fart.
	And amateurs like you, who don't have an electric heart thing or hang out with a Hulk, probably do break for regular farts.
	Wait, amateurs like me, Gavin?
	Yeah.
	I feel like if a regular fart happened, you'd be like, I'm out of here, dude.
	And I would just like fucking hand him out.
	That's my whole point of the shirt is I don't break for Quefs.
	Queefs are kind of rare, but regular farts, like, you know, if a chick just blows a regular fart at you, you're running.
	I'm sticking around.
	I'm Aaron Mann.
	Right, Jarvis?
	Yes, Tony.
	Thank you.
	Wait, was that Jarvis who said that?
	Yep.
	It sounded like you were doing that with your mouth.
	No, it was Jarvis.
	My mouth moved after she was talking, but it was like I had an itch.
	Why are your hands so much pinker than your face?
	I don't have to answer that.
	So, you know, I hang out with Thor?
	I'm getting the feeling that you're not Tony Starks.
	Yeah, right.
	What are you kidding?
	I totally am.
	Scotty, I apologize.
	Scotty, don't.
	Dr. Evil.
	$100 million.
	$100 million.
	Okay.
	Next one.
	Gav, you and Anthony are through how black people can't swim.
	Pretty sure it's because they're high bone density.
	Yeah, I got a letter from this guy.
	He's like, high bone density.
	Yeah.
	You could turn my bones into lead.
	I'd still figure out how to swim.
	How about iron, man?
	How about iron, man?
	Anyway, next.
	Okay, the same one.
	By the way, a friend of mine called me tonight, and he's like, dude, I got to hand it to you.
	I love what you do.
	I watch all your shit.
	Your stuff with Anthony is racist.
	It's a friend I've had for years.
	It's like, it's fucking racist, dude.
	I don't like it.
	Thank you.
	Now, my first instinct is with that kind of stuff is fuck you.
	I hate you.
	But this is a good friend.
	So am I wrong?
	I don't think it's racist enough.
	Like, for instance, why don't black people get drafted into the war?
	Because when the colonel says, get down, they all just start dancing.
	Yeah.
	Great delivery, Brian.
	That wasn't Ryan.
	So did you, Ryan, did you think Compound Censored yesterday was racist?
	No, but I think I have a...
	Here's my thing.
	I think nothing's really racist unless you're like, I don't think you could be hatefully making jokes.
	No, I take that back.
	You could probably say some racist jokes, but no.
	Racism, specifically my definition, is you have to have hatred towards the people you're saying.
	I think the new definition of racist is stop talking about race.
	Interesting.
	So we were talking about race too much, I guess he was saying.
	Hmm.
	Okay, yeah, yeah.
	Well, I don't know.
	I feel like a lot of other groups are talking about race, and if it's not equal, then we're perpetuating races by not doing what you're saying.
	I feel like he was basing it, too, on a couple comments on the site, and I'm like, can you imagine a different culture where you were constantly checking the comments on the site?
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Like Casablanca.
	Right.
	Was he always checking what people thought?
	No one knew.
	Probs nay.
	Van Halen, Motley Crew, no one knew what you thought of their product until years after.
	Yeah, that's why, you know, all these celebrities, they're fallible now.
	There's no icons.
	There used to be Eddie Van Halen's, like, a rock god.
	That doesn't exist anymore because comment sections.
	People just tear them down, speculate, spread rumors.
	Like, I don't have a rumors.
	Speculum?
	Speculate.
	Er.
	Hi, Gav.
	This is John from the Boxing Gym.
	I want to let you know we didn't invite you because we don't like your pseudo-intellectual jokes.
	Oh.
	That's valid.
	I know you're going to say that you're going to dump us, John.
	Oh, wait.
	That hurts, John.
	That might have been extended.
	I can get the full version if we want it.
	That hurt, John.
	Hi, John.
	You know, when you get to be 51, someone insults you and you go, that was very insulting and that hurt me.
	And then you feel nothing.
	You're like, good insult.
	Next.
	It's like sparring.
	That was a good punch.
	Yes, we heard about Justice Smoole led out of jail, but I've talked to people in the know and they go, relax.
	He's going to get flung back in when his trial continues.
	When his appeal fails.
	Yeah, it's just a dumb release during the appeal for the verdict, which everyone agrees is valid.
	So he'll get out for like a week, then he'll go back in.
	I love him being in prison, though, because I don't think he's ever experienced any fucking negative behavior, which is funny because he's a gay black.
	And all of these libs of TikTok teachers go, it's so hard for young children who identify as gay.
	And we're watching it going, no, it's not.
	No one cares.
	No one bullies gay kids anymore.
	That's an 80s thing.
	All this money is going to Joe Biggs.
	We need STEM engineers, just like Pooh on this.
	America needs to stop relying on foreign professionals.
	Agreed, as much as foreign manufacturing, blah, blah, blah.
	Going to compete with China.
	Keep pushing this BS.
	Just ban uses Greece.
	Yeah, I don't want to ban anything.
	That's a lefty thing.
	We don't ban shit.
	But yeah, it's true.
	Like, I dread my children going to university.
	I don't want them to go.
	My daughter's interested in art school, and I couldn't be more thrilled because art school is retarded and useless.
	My eldest boy is into baseball.
	He might get a scholarship into school.
	Good.
	Focus on baseball.
	Baseball is much more important than anything you can learn in school.
	Like, think of the concept of university.
	It was invented because books were rare and people were illiterate.
	And they would teach them Latin and show them the classics.
	Gotcha.
	Great concept.
	And then by the time it got To our parents, they went, Look, 5% went to school, and that 5% got rich.
	Yeah, it's got nothing to do with school.
	The 5% got rich because they're smart, because 5% of people are smart.
	Sorry, it's all a lie.
	And then they started inventing all this woke shit.
	Look at Yale University today.
	They had an open-minded discussion about free speech where a conservative and a liberal said, we can both agree that free speech exists.
	This was interpreted as trans children need to die.
	And so they had massive rallies tonight, yesterday, screaming hysterically.
	Women saying, I'm going to fucking kill you.
	Should you send your kid to that school?
	No.
	I'm super serious about the bone density thing.
	You're a fucking retard, Harry Manbach.
	Blacks are not swimming because their bones are heavy.
	Shut up.
	Stop calling us.
	That's a fucking lie.
	Blacks, Jack Blacks, bones are the fucking same.
	You're a fucking liar, dude.
	Chebi.
	That's pretty good.
	Yep.
	Please gossip about Grog Guttfeld.
	I did a million.
	I literally gossiped Grog Guttfeld to death.
	I actually don't have anything left.
	I will say there were times when I thought he was gay, and I'd be driving back in my cab, my Fox News cab that was paid for, and I'd be like, dude, if you're fucking gay, nobody cares.
	Just, and you don't have to tell me.
	Just be a gay.
	Enjoy your gayness.
	Well, maybe he's gay.
	You ever thought of that?
	We just, yeah, we just did.
	Like I said to my uncle, who was gay, who died gay.
	But it was not a big deal.
	It was like admitting you're albino.
	I said, well, you ain't that straight.
	You like to see the guys with the big penises?
	Then he ain't that straight.
	The ones with the big penis.
	I will say about Greg Gutfeld and David Cross, Samantha B, people I intimately know.
	I've been to their homes.
	I've slept in their beds.
	I got to say, wonderful people.
	Really noble people.
	Donate tons of money to charity.
	Yeah, really nice.
	Really cool.
	Not what you'd think from our side, but yeah, very caring.
	Who know?
	Maybe that is a good example of how the media is trying to separate us and we're all basically the same.
	Like David Cross, when I first met him, we were all broke, but he was rich because of Scary Movie 3 or Scary Movie 2, whatever.
	And he would get money.
	He'd go on vacation.
	And not only would he pay for all of our vacations and the place we rented, but he would match whatever he's paid to a veteran's charity fund.
	And he never told anyone about that.
	I'm maybe the only one who knows this.
	But he spent a fucking fortune on his friends and on charity.
	Maybe a lot of liberals aren't cunts.
	They're just brainwashed.
	And tonight you could donate some money to a veteran, too, who's in jail.
	I know I'm joe exotic, but it's pretty serious.
	So donate.
	You're not a veteran?
	No, to Joe Biggs.
	So send in the super chat, and then the money will go to him.
	We've reached the channel.
	Okay, super chat goes to Joe Biggs.
	We'll show the gifts angle at the end.
	But I got the feeling there that you were expecting money would go to you.
	Well, I wouldn't be mad about it, but I'm not really expecting it at the same token.
	So you were implying that some money should go to you.
	Well, not all of it, but...
	And if you don't give it to me, then ain't that straight?
	I got to say, I actually don't think you belong in jail.
	I don't.
	I was falsely convicted because that fuck, you know her name.
	Carol Biskins.
	Carol Biskins.
	And her Tuggers.
	She's got Tuggers.
	Yeah.
	All right, let's empty the call bin.
	Ryan's doing a good job.
	Last July show sucked.
	That hurts.
	Be funny like live.
	We don't have the sticky note anymore.
	By the way, Sylvia.
	No one's talked about Sylvia.
	Sylvia fell against the counter.
	She fucked up her hips.
	She is severely injured.
	Right.
	I can put her down if you want me to.
	No, I don't want that.
	Okay.
	Maddie, what's the most intimidating threat you've ever uttered?
	I can't say that on screen.
	Statute of limitations.
	I like the froggy one.
	If you're feeling froggy, fucking jump.
	Oh, yeah.
	But I'm an opportunity.
	Maddie, what's the most...
	Yeah, that's the same one.
	Okay, we've got to wrap it up.
	Do we have a bunch of calls on hold?
	We got a couple calls.
	Let's finish the calls.
	Get these out of the way.
	Let's go.
	All right, blast the ball.
	I think you might be a drunk.
	Okay.
	Yeah, you found an Irishman drunk on St. Patty's Day career.
	Would you rather blow Greg Guffold or lick Brian Kilmead's taint?
	That's actually kind of funny.
	Well, then you ain't that straight.
	I think I'd rather rick Brian Kilmead's taint because this is like, Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Oh, that's good.
	You know, like, blow is like, wow.
	Yeah.
	If you're straight, you want to look at taint.
	I'm at Brian Kilmead.
	He's a great guy.
	Very funny.
	What was his taint like?
	It tastes like vinegar.
	This guy loves taint jokes.
	We've got our taint audience here.
	Oh, yeah.
	What's up, buddy?
	Hey, Greg.
	Well, his taint is probably cleaner than anything else on Kill Mead.
	Agreed.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And hey, yo, Greg going on.
	Maddie, I'm a baby monster.
	Thank you.
	And Gavin, I'm a baby monster.
	And Ryan, I'm a baby monster.
	And I've been with you guys since the very beginning.
	And yeah, when you talked about Greg Gutfeld, yeah, I missed you guys from Red Eye.
	That's where I first was introduced to you, Gav.
	And I just respect you.
	And I thank you for your attitude towards marriage.
	And, you know, well, Catholicism, I've already talked about that.
	You're okay, bro.
	You'll be a good magician.
	So what's your point?
	What's the question here?
	We got plenty of flattery.
	Let's get.
	If I had a question, I'd be cut off because you only get one question.
	Ah, the guy knows the rules.
	All right, thanks for calling, buddy.
	That was great.
	The first one was the first time.
	So anyway, Gas opinions on Bud Platinum.
	Stronger and Bruce for the night.
	I never tried Bud Platinum.
	What?
	Oh, it's pretty dank.
	Really?
	Back in my drinking days, yeah, they get you drunker quicker.
	So it's old news?
	It's old news.
	If you want to get a nice buzz going, you drink about three of those, and then you go to regular buds for the taste.
	I'm international gibbing.
	Okay.
	Five bucks.
	Let's see.
	We got another caller on the line here.
	Tallulah.
	736.
	What's going on, Tallulah?
	Hi, Janet.
	Hi, Tallulah.
	Hey, I was just wondering.
	Okay, I'm freaking out.
	I've been on here for like an hour.
	But what would you say, like, top five punk fans to get into, like, if you just got into punk?
	Okay.
	Well, I'm a fag, so I like the poppiness of it.
	So I would recommend The Sex Specials, obviously at the top.
	The Clash, obviously at the second.
	Crass, to get sort of weird.
	Then maybe Conflict.
	And then, I don't know.
	You know what would be fun for number five?
	Peter and the Test Tube Babies.
	Just to mix it up.
	Just to get crazy.
	And that's a huge variety of bands.
	So, Sex Bistles, Clash, Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Conflict.
	Yeah, enjoy yourself.
	Bow, wow, wow.
	Thanks a lot.
	Love you guys.
	Okay, bye.
	Bye-bye.
	She got the fade, too.
	Como cop denied entry America.
	Fuck fucking.
	416.
	I like your new sunglasses.
	I like your new sunglasses.
	Fucking so, okay, listen, man.
	My family right now, so I married an American chick and I made some American kids.
	And I said, Where are you from?
	Toronto.
	So you're Canadian?
	Yeah, I'm a Canadian, eh?
	How's it going, bud?
	So, yeah, I went to try to go down to Illinois today.
	Went down with my mom and my sister.
	They're vaxxed.
	I'm not.
	And they said, nope.
	I got turned away.
	Fucking horseshit.
	I've stopped at shoppers, got a COVID test, and it was negative, HIV positive, but negative.
	And fucking, yeah, they said you have to be vaxx to get into the country.
	So some fucking scumbag motherfucker can let his daughter get raped from Mexico and get into the country, but I can't with a negative COVID test.
	All right, thanks for Windsor.
	Go ahead, sorry.
	No, no, no.
	You're going ahead.
	And not sorry.
	I'll never recover from this.
	I am never going to financially recover from this.
	Okay, this person is 706.
	What's going on, 706?
	Gas again.
	Hot pocket.
	No, but hey, real quick, if you look up, if you look up on YouTube, Fat Korean laughing at his food, and that's you on your gym cheat day.
	Play that video.
	Every day I do.
	That's all I got.
	I'll cut it short.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	Every day is a cheat day.
	Why are we doing this?
	Like, we're 10 minutes after, and you think, like, oh, okay, that's a good thing to do because it helps people who, you know, didn't make it.
	But you're like, this is all garbage.
	Yeah, well, I pulled it up because it was quick enough.
	It's not like there's a bunch of gold.
	Babies are losers.
	Yeah.
	You're not kicking, bitch.
	Mom's moving your leg.
	That's me.
	I'm a dad.
	Oh, sorry.
	Is that your daughter?
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm kicking her leg.
	And I just adopted your daughter.
	I mean.
	But I was right.
	She's not swimming.
	She's a bitch.
	Well, she's not a bitch, but she's also.
	No, she's the bitch.
	No.
	She's the bitch, dude.
	Come on.
	No.
	She kept me up late.
	Great footage.
	Yeah, that wasn't very good quality.
	Okay, last call.
	Let's Wrap it up.
	This is dumb.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Okay.
	Look and look and look.
	You know what?
	I want to pick one here.
	Okay.
	Speaking about actual racism.
	Okay.
	You know, let's try this one.
	Okay.
	All right.
	505, you're on the line.
	Make it good.
	Otherwise, I'm gay.
	Last call.
	It's better to get it.
	All right.
	Well, you're making it last, so I'll just keep...
	I'm not going to talk about what I was going to talk about, but remember a while back when you said that your wife's family at the end of a joke goes.
	Yes, Indians do that.
	Well, the Indians in my area of the country at the end of a joke go...
	Oh, shit.
	That's pretty good.
	At the end of every joke, I went down to get a fucking beard up total.
	Oh, shit.
	And no white person knows what the fuck is it?
	Where do you live?
	Oh, shit.
	In New Mexico.
	What's the tribe?
	It's the Mescalero Apaches.
	They're like the craziest motherfuckers.
	They're the craziest Indians in the country.
	They're sucking.
	Oh, shit.
	They'll kill you.
	Oh, shit.
	Oh, shit.
	I like the bad.
	What's up?
	Love you.
	Gabby.
	Hey, guys.
	We love you, too.
	We have two more chats on the thing if you want.
	Okay, definitely not racist.
	Two racist science show.
	Call my attention's pure gold.
	Anyone doesn't like it as a pussy faggot?
	Blah, blah, blah.
	Okay.
	Would you rather be forced to hold your breath under water for a full two minutes immediately upon waking up for the rest of your life or go to bed in soaking my jeans for the bread?
	That's pretty good.
	That's actually pretty good.
	That's very good.
	I like that it doesn't involve me like blowing my dad.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So.
	Not too much to ask for, by the way.
	Would you rather be forced to hold your breath underwater for two minutes, which is a cunt, but it's possible.
	Yeah, it's doable.
	But so is sleeping in wet jeans.
	It's doable.
	They're going to drive on in the morning.
	Okay.
	Are you...
	It's contemplating.
	Go to bed and soaking wet jeans.
	So when you go to bed, by the way, your butthole, your legs, they're aerating, they're like rejuvenating, they're selves.
	It's not a random thing.
	It's important when you go to bed.
	So if you're soaking your legs, you're fucking that up.
	Very gaseous today.
	Yeah.
	Senior breath.
	St. Fartrik's Tateman?
	I feel like I can hold my breath probably for two minutes.
	You want to try it?
	No.
	That's a pain in the ass.
	Yeah, okay.
	I'll try it.
	Alright, well, let's all try it.
	Ready?
	I can set a timer.
	Hey, Siri.
	Set timer for two minutes.
	Ready?
	Ready?
	One.
	Set.
	Two.
	Go.
	Three.
	Wow.
	That was not easy.
	Timer still going.
	Let's see.
	No fun.
	It just got done.
	What just got done?
	The timer.
	You got real close.
	The timer just went up.
	Oh, did you pass out?
	Oh.
	So what did I do?
	You were about 15 seconds away, I'd say, right?
	145?
	Yeah.
	Okay, so we're not that farther ahead with this discussion, gentlemen.
	I think that solved it for me.
	I'm doing wet genes.
	What did it solve?
	I'm doing wet jeans because I don't think I'd be.
	I almost did two minutes, and I was in hell, and I fucking hated it, and I beat you two guys.
	Yeah.
	Who were crying like little bitches, by the way.
	I don't remember crying at all.
	You cried like a little bitches.
	You didn't cry.
	I didn't cry.
	I cried.
	You cried.
	I was greeting.
	You were greeting.
	So that's once every day, by the way.
	Yeah.
	Once a month you can go like, all right, I'll have my life.
	I'll go to Orlando.
	I'll do shit.
	And then, oh shit, it's 18th.
	I got to get back and do my dumb breath holding.
	Don't you already wake up with wet jeans anyway?
	What's the difference?
	No need for that.
	There's no need for that.
	How dare you?
	You go pee-pee in your pitch.
	How dare you?
	That hurts like fucking hell.
	I'm not going to lie.
	This is me sleeping as Gavin.
	That insult hurts like fucking hell.
	Oh, I'm pissing on my girl.
	Really good insult that really hurts.
	Oh, I'm pissing on Gavin.
	Yep, you got me.
	It happens.
	But anyway, back to this ultimatum.
	So I think all of us holding our breath for two minutes would take a lot of training.
	Yeah.
	And then what was the other option?
	We have to eat a piece of shit or something.
	No, no, no, no piece of shit.
	It's on screen.
	Go to sleep with soaking wet jeans for the rest of your life.
	Soaking wet jeans.
	You're going to get like a rash and shit.
	Homeboy's going to like get a rash.
	I'm going to say I will train myself and learn how to hold my breath for two minutes a day.
	Damn.
	But that is the first ultimatum on this show that was good.
	Yep.
	You didn't bring in like sex with our parents.
	You didn't fucking do dumb shit.
	That was a very good ultimatum.
	We were very confused here.
	And we finally came up with the solution.
	Holding your breath for two minutes a day as opposed to wet jeans.
	Good work.
	Thank you, caller.
	Finally.
	And Jim Gaffigan agrees.
	But he didn't pass his pants.
	Okay, can we please wrap it up?
	I believe so, yes.
	Let's empty the calls, though.
	I don't want these callers to...
	Knocking their money's worth.
	There's 14.
	Let's do all 14.
	Okay.
	Eric and I talk about the email.
	403.
	What's going on?
	Yo, are you guys serious about the mantis shrimp?
	Yes or no?
	What?
	The mantis shrimp.
	Are you serious about the...
	We're getting the mantis shrimp.
	I am genuinely embarrassed that it's taking this long.
	Laid it all out.
	Perfectly.
	Laid it all out perfectly for you guys.
	Thank you for calling.
	I fucked up.
	I remember that emails.
	My favorite is when Gav says you look like a child when you don't button your top button.
	That's true.
	Meanwhile, the ad for any of fashion or they don't have their top button up.
	Okay.
	They're not wearing your time.
	Bad work, guys.
	Don't do that.
	Okay.
	Next.
	Okay.
	Seven, five, seven.
	Hey, Gab.
	I'm about to deploy here in the next few months, and my brother's wedding is supposed to happen right after I get back from the deployment.
	And I heard you give out free suit, probably, maybe, to that one guy before.
	But I'm not going to ask for a suit, but if you had a recommendation from Nita, what kind of suit, because he hasn't, like, my brother hasn't specified like there's any particular theme.
	But if you had, like, maybe one to three suit ideas for, you know, my brother's hopefully only wedding, what would you recommend?
	Well, clearly, Nita fashions.
	Oh, what type of?
	I mean, like, what style of suit?
	Like, what kind of fucking from this?
	Get the fucking funeral suit.
	Be square.
	Be boring.
	Don't get weird.
	Get boring.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	Would you rather blow your dad or eat your mom?
	Don't fuck yourself.
	Guys, such a fucking lame question.
	Frankie, 203.
	Hey, what's up, Gav and Ryan?
	Uhuru from the bay.
	And you know what?
	I'm actually the co-founder of that Discord that you visited a while back with all those dumbass Zoomers on it.
	Oh, shit!
	What's up?
	What's up?
	What's up?
	So I just wanted to agree with the war on drugs.
	You know what's funny is black markets are incentivized through illegalization.
	So when you illegalize something, you're actually offering the market incentive or the premium for that product for people who are willing to take the risk.
	So the smartest thing you can do is to decriminalize the stuff and regulate it like SudaFed.
	You present your ID, you sign a thing.
	Isn't it crazy that that's the proud boy belief, and we are known as far-right radical Nazis?
	Well, we're calling for the mass black unemployment.
	Thanks for calling.
	Great point.
	Thanks for calling.
	Okay.
	Let's wrap it up.
	Fuggin.
	925.
	You're on the live.
	I'll make a quick PSA for the tradesmen out there.
	Electricians, plumbers, fitters, laborers, roofers, you're all fags.
	Carpenters run work.
	State union scabs are for shit bums that can't pass the drug test.
	Gavin, I got a quick question.
	My daughter's 19.
	I know your daughters are getting up there.
	She's with some fucking cuck that wants to move her up to Oregon.
	And I'm wondering how you're going to manage that when you get there.
	I know you're coming up on it.
	But what are your thoughts on that?
	Can't you say no?
	Well, he comes up and visits and says shit like, oh, it's okay that she makes more money than me.
	And it's okay that, you know, she's got good credit, makes all kinds of comments where he's okay laying back and being a little cuck.
	And I don't know how to manage that.
	I can't lose the daughter, right?
	But I'm sure how to work through that.
	I'm going through some crazy shit with my daughter right now, with her friends getting into drugs and it not going very well for the friends.
	I don't know.
	Can't we do no?
	Can we not bring back no?
	Yeah.
	I'll be arguing with my wife and she'll go like, she needs more love, and blah, blah, blah.
	And I'll go, I agree with you.
	Love her up.
	Like, love all the kids up.
	That's your job.
	My job is not love.
	My job is not hugs.
	No one's, by the way, asking me for hugs.
	It's not like they're like, won't dad hug me once?
	So, can I have a hug?
	No.
	Yeah, no, I'm not.
	On the AGM, I just know that when I send them money, they're going to San Francisco and kids can't protect her and that kind of thing.
	And how old is she?
	I'm trying to get her from them without losing her.
	How old is she?
	She's 19.
	Yeah, she's an adult, dude.
	Shut up.
	I guess my only advice to you would be you don't need advice.
	You have an adult daughter.
	19.
	I mean, talk to her.
	Send her texts that look funny.
	Every time you see something funny on Instagram, send her the text.
	But that's not your daughter anymore, dude.
	That's a woman.
	That's a fair point.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah, we have to accept the fact that 18-year-olds are not our children.
	I don't like it.
	Breaks my heart.
	I'm three years away from that with my eldest girl.
	And I'm sure she's equally alarmed that she's turfed in three years.
	That's the deal.
	I mean, when my daughter turns 18 months and I'm out of the picture, I mean, it's going to be.
	No, no, Ryan, 18 years.
	Yeah, 18 months is, it's right around the corner, basically.
	No, no.
	No, Ryan.
	Right after Disney.
	Stop.
	When a girl's 18, it's time to move out.
	18 months is a year old.
	You got to take care of them and hold them.
	Over a year.
	And I'll probably be dancing with the stars, and we could probably go on trips together.
	I wouldn't have to ask for permission anymore.
	You know, ball and chain because I have no clue in this joke.
	I'm worried it's too simple.
	Drew, 904, you're on the line.
	Go ahead.
	What's up, Gavin?
	Hey, Manny, do you have any cool, or not cool, disgusting MRSA stories from prison?
	Someone's in jail and some dudes got like...
	MRSA's no joke.
	It'll kill you.
	I've had it twice.
	I've had surgery for it twice.
	Wow.
	Once on my leg, once on my knee.
	Once on my knee and once on my elbow.
	This is 80 to 90% chance of Mercer.
	How much shit did they pull out of your knee?
	They lanced them both times and squeezed it all out and, you know, full-blown IV antibiotics.
	I mean, it's nothing to play with because you'll get, you know, turn septic and you'll get sepsis and die.
	They can kill you quick.
	It's nothing to play with.
	But yeah, it's rampant everywhere.
	Anywhere there's communal living.
	Like a Brown the Crucibite or whatever.
	Yeah, it's...
	All right, thanks for calling.
	Great point.
	Maddie got super weird with that question, didn't he?
	MRSA?
	Yeah, it's no joke.
	He got super like serious.
	They said prisons have 80 to 90% sometimes of...
	Look how disturbed Maddie is now.
	Well, MRSA bacteria is everywhere.
	Oh.
	It's what it stands for.
	It's methicillin-resistant Staphysilococcus auroris, which is like a super staph infection.
	Wow.
	It's resistance to all the antibiotics.
	You know what?
	I feel like my high school girlfriend doesn't want to speak to me anymore.
	Why is that?
	Because I'm a Nazi.
	Oh.
	Marissa?
	Yeah, it's no joke.
	303, you're on the line.
	You're listening to the show.
	Shut up.
	You need to speak if you want to talk.
	That's it.
	You know.
	What are you saying?
	Make babies to serve the home?
	What's that?
	But what, like, let's say I do those things.
	I'm not enthusiastic about it, but let's say I do.
	I love...
	I'm sure if I'm going to get pregnant, I'm going to be happy for my baby.
	But at the same time, like, you know, you always say, go for it.
	Have babies at early age, can't marry it early.
	But what if, let's say, 10 years ago, hypothetically.
	Your call has been a baby.
	I didn't hear her call.
	Thanks for calling.
	Next call.
	Sorry, lady.
	Have a baby.
	Did you hear any of her shit?
	What did she say?
	72.
	Update on a vintage car.
	Oh.
	What was that caller?
	Update on the vintage car.
	Update on your vintage car.
	Oh.
	It's on its way to Fredericksburg, Virginia.
	It needs $3,000 of tweaks.
	It is doing great.
	And we have a very funny idea to do a car guys when we go over there and pick it up.
	So everything's going great.
	But I got to say, thank you for calling because while I walk away from my stupid, dumb BMW that I don't give a fuck about, I'm just like, I'm 51 years old.
	I've been involved in high fashion my whole life.
	I know that sounds gay.
	I get it.
	But I'm like, why am I with this shit?
	Like, my car's never been cool.
	My motorcycles have always been cool.
	Suzuki GS850, Triumph Bonneville 700.
	And then I have these faggot BMWs.
	Fuck them.
	I hate them.
	I hate them as much as my dog.
	Get them out of here.
	What you need to get is the highly reliable all-American vehicle.
	Like what?
	Well, the all-new Dodge Ram.
	Built with enough elbow grease to get you from point A to point A. Model T4.
	With the all-new Dodge Ram, you get security, safety, speed, and, of course, American badass.
	Making power.
	Watch the Dodge Ram roll down the road.
	You look like the coolest Dodge Ram.
	People be running around saying, hey, mister, can I shake your hand?
	Or maybe even shake your pee-pee.
	The all-new Dodge Ram.
	Gets you from point A to point who knows what.
	They got the Jebby song singing.
	Well, they got the wrong song.
	Got the wrong car.
	The wrong song.
	Wrong car, wrong song.
	Guys.
	Sam Elliott, what's happening, Damon?
	I'm getting the point.
	It's the all-new Dodge Ram.
	Watch it fiercely conquer all sorts of road and off-road to ramp.
	You know, it's funny.
	It's a really good ad for that car.
	It's really tackling some serious shit.
	Yeah, for real.
	They don't make them like they used to anymore.
	No, sir.
	That's for sure.
	Next call.
	We got Jake.
	Jake, you're on the motherfucking mind, bitch.
	Hey, baby.
	Hi, girl.
	Hi, how are you?
	Great.
	What's going on?
	I had a question about classwork.
	So what do you do when your kids don't do their assignments?
	Because I've got two and I get so sick and tired of having to go through the whole rigmarole of like, did you do your assignment?
	Blah, blah, blah.
	And like, I'm so sick of like having to get on their ass about grades and stuff.
	So what do you do about that?
	Well, you got to be a cunt.
	You got to be a bitch.
	You know, you can't be friends with your kids when they're young and when they're old.
	You got to choose young or old.
	And if you're homeschooling and you're getting involved with your kids' lives, you got to be a fucking bitch.
	And by the way, you are like sent from God to come on this show tonight because I've been arguing with my daughter and my son recently where I've been being too nice and reject regretting it.
	I don't know why I can't say the word regretting.
	But yeah, you've got to get tough and get mean and say, we're doing this.
	This is the card, this yellow card.
	We have to do this now.
	Get mean.
	And I too got to get mean with my kids.
	Are you grounding them for their phone?
	Because that's what I have to do.
	And I'm telling you right now that those kids, once they get grounded from their phone, they're like, oh my God, I actually see the light and I see like how great it is to be with family.
	And I freaking hate phones.
	I'm so done with it.
	I just don't know what to do, man.
	We do screen-free Tuesdays.
	We call it Amish Tuesdays.
	All of a sudden, I meet my kids.
	I never met them.
	I haven't seen them in six days.
	We talk, we watch movies, we have a great time.
	Tuesdays is heaven in our house.
	Then why are we doing this shit about phones?
	I'm so fucking sick of it.
	Yeah, you're so right.
	You have to get them off the fucking phone.
	You have to sit them down and say, listen, that's not homework.
	This is homework.
	And if they bring home a B minus, legit.
	You have to get up.
	You have to say, what the fuck is this?
	And you're fucking throwing around.
	He's right.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	Thank you.
	Fuck.
	All right, let's wind it down, folks.
	We're 20 minutes past this.
	We have three more.
	St. Pat's.
	Hey, fellas.
	How you doing, guys?
	Hey, man.
	Hey, I'm doing well.
	I had a question.
	So, per your advice, I got my wife pregnant, and the baby's due here in like a month and a half.
	Nice congratulations.
	Thank you so much.
	I really appreciate that.
	But I got fired from my job about a month ago.
	I got a new job already, but I got to go to North Carolina for training in June.
	So this will be about a month after my baby's born.
	Is that like a big deal?
	Am I going to miss a lot?
	How long is the training?
	You don't miss shit.
	A month?
	No one cares.
	It sucks, takes whatever.
	It's whatever.
	Okay, cool.
	Because it's just detailing cars.
	So I don't know.
	They got to teach me how to detail cars like extra good ones.
	Yeah, you're good.
	Thanks for calling.
	Nothing weird.
	Nothing weird at all.
	Okay, last thing.
	Okay.
	January 6th, 515.
	Hey, let me tell you why your opinion on Ashley Babbitt is completely inconsistent.
	You know, she was acting like a nigga just like on BLM and all those riots.
	You know, she runs up to this police officer and she jumps the barricade.
	What do you expect the guy to do if she gets past?
	Just say, wave her, say goodbye, go nuts.
	I mean, people were yelling, hang Mike Pence.
	People were hitting police officers with sticks.
	I mean, it was just a, it was a bunch of white people acting like Dindus.
	And so if she jumps the barrier, you let her go.
	And then what?
	The next guy jumps?
	The next guy jumps?
	No, you can't stop it.
	All right.
	So why did Derek Chauvin, who reacted the same way to the equal amount of Dindu, got 20 years in prison?
	And the black officer who shot Ashley Babbitt is a hero.
	And he's known in the media as the guy who saved lives.
	Because our justice system has AIDS.
	It's clown world.
	I'm not saying that she should have Chauvin shouldn't have got or should have been put in prison.
	I'm saying the correct thing to think is that they were both wrong.
	They were both rioting.
	They were both criminals.
	I'm sorry.
	Agreed, you're right.
	You're right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Good point.
	All right, can we wrap this up?
	I have AIDS.
	There's two more, but we can be done whenever you want.
	Hey, I still like your new sunglasses.
	Thanks, man.
	Yeah, did I get cut off when I got denied at the border?
	Wait, have you had more than one call?
	Yeah, I thought I got cut off.
	Did I get cut off?
	I'll fuck off.
	Go to bed.
	You're drunk anyways, right?
	All right, we'll take that.
	I'm drunk, but I'm not like...
	Forget you called before.
	Not coherent.
	Yeah, well, sorry.
	This guy's been waiting for 20 minutes.
	I want to make sure we get to.
	Here we go.
	Friends, Crazy Ex-Wife, 6'10, you're online.
	Hey, man.
	So I was...
	By the way, can I interrupt you?
	Sure.
	I hereby predict this question will be a huge head scratcher, and we will all have trouble coming up with the solution.
	Go ahead, sir.
	It's not a question.
	It's a little anecdote.
	I have a story to tell.
	So I was at a family function, and I said something about, I mentioned your name.
	Then someone else who was there, like a friend of someone who was there, looked at me and they said, oh, the bird which is the, and I was like, the bald eagle.
	And he's like, oh.
	So I had a connection.
	I was like, oh, this guy's a baby monster.
	So I started chatting with this guy.
	And I'm like, hey, you know, come out to my local.
	I'm going out there Tuesday night.
	We sit down.
	We have a great time.
	Where is this?
	I apparently know this guy.
	And I get into a conversation.
	Where is this?
	And he starts talking about this.
	What city is this?
	What?
	What city is this?
	I'm outside of Philadelphia, like Philadelphia suburbs.
	Okay.
	I don't want to get too specific.
	I don't want to blow the guy's spot up.
	So he starts talking about, like, I'm like, so what's your deal, man?
	Because at the event, I have four kids.
	He sees my whole situation.
	I'm like, yeah, I'm married.
	I got four kids.
	I'm 37.
	And he's the same age, but he's got an ex-wife.
	I'm like, ex-wife, let's talk about it.
	This has to be a fascinating conversation.
	Then he starts talking about how he's married to this girl who's a crazy, you know, he says, you know, he's a teacher.
	And he marries one of his students who's an exotic dancer.
	And the reason I'm telling this story, I know he's listening, so I can't wait till the next time I see this guy.
	I won't use his real name.
	Let's call him Pat.
	Let's call him Color.
	I marry my former student, and then everything goes to shit.
	She goes crazy.
	Like, crazy, like she's like taking down doors in the house with a power drill, like in the middle of the night, starts unscrewing all the doors off of the hinges.
	And he's like, yeah, so I had to get a restraining order.
	And part of me was like, a restraining order?
	Like, you're a man.
	Like, why do you need to get a restraining order against your wife?
	She's attacking me.
	So then the conversation goes on.
	And I'm like, all right, so keep going.
	Like, what are her parents like?
	What's her family like?
	And he's like, well, all of her brothers say that, you know, I'm crazy to marry her.
	I should break up with her.
	I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah.
	How about her parents?
	And he goes, well, that's a good question.
	Her dad.
	What?
	That's a good question.
	That's a good angle.
	Yeah.
	And I say, what about her parents?
	What are her parents like?
	You must have met her parents, right?
	He's like, well, her dad died when she was five.
	I'm like, oh, shit, that's crazy.
	And he's like, yeah, he was stabbed at a barbecue.
	And so I go, wait, was your ex-wife black?
	Because white people don't get stabbed at barbecue.
	No, it would be a cookout.
	So then everything starts making sense.
	It's like, oh, you married, so wait, you married someone who was younger than you, who is a black stripper, whose dad died when she was five, who was stabbed at a barbecue.
	God knows why.
	And by the way, Pat, I'm sure you're listening.
	I know Pat.
	That's not his real name.
	But this story, it was just, I could talk for another 20 minutes about this.
	It was just so fascinating.
	And here's, I want to say this.
	It's one of the things you said, Gavin.
	Talk to people.
	Get to know people.
	It's so fascinating, like, to dig into actual humanity and get to know people's real struggles and real problems.
	It's illuminating and it's life.
	It's why we're here to live and learn and to talk and to revel in each other's sorrow.
	This is the best thing.
	We're here to storytell.
	Thanks for calling.
	I appreciate it.
	Yeah, we're here to convey experiences.
	And apparently, this guy's friends did not experience a good turn of events, but we have turned a good turn of events by constantly repeating our experiments.
	And we are here in the Bronx hanging out at our home bar with Maddie Odell and Ryan Katzu Rivera.
	We're going to sit here doing shots after we leave.
	But the moral story tonight is, folks, keep experimenting.
	Keep talking to people.
	Keep trying to figure out what's going on around us because the media is lying to you.
	They are not being honest.
	Do not look at the New York Post.
	Do not look at the New York Times.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	As I was going over the farm in Carey Mountains, I met with Captain Farrell and his money he was counting.
	I first produced my pistol, then produced my rapier, saying, Sail in the river, all of you are the bold deceiver.
	My sire, rabbaroo, rabbara.
	Whack for the daddy, whack for my daddy.
	Oh, it's whiskey in the jar.
	I counted his money.
	It was a pretty penny.
	I put it in my pocket and I took it home to Jenny.
	She sighed and she swore she'd never, never would deceive me.
	But the devil take that moment for it can never be that easy.
	My siren dama do dama da whack for my daddy oh whack for my daddy oh and through his key in the jar And it's all for me grog,
	wear army boots Me no get no get boots They're all round the beer and tobacco You see soles were getting thin and the uppers netting in And the heels are looking out for better weather And it's all for me grock me jolly jolly grock All for me be rento And I spent a bomb me tin with my lassie drinking tin And I'm if I'm ready,

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