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Jan. 14, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
30:13
GOML LIVE #131 - THE LYING EPISODE (Part 1)

We raise money for Max and John while taking calls, letters and superchats from everyone in the world.

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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
Oh, shit! shit!
That's a first.
It's got great sound even with the obstructions, the obstacles in its way.
Yeah, you'd think it would sound muffled down there.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to GOML Live.
I was raped on the way here and my voice is a little hoarse from screaming.
Help!
Help!
No one came except the perpetrator.
Don't interrupt me because you'd guess the end of my joke.
No, because I knew it because you told me before.
Welcome back, Matty O'Dell.
Haven't had him here in two weeks, right?
Oh, New Year's Eve, I was there.
Well, we had Jan 6th.
Just Mandarin.
Right.
Well, that's two weeks.
Yeah.
That's two, my two co-stars have corrected me now.
Twice.
I'm not good at math.
I was always told, don't do math in public.
What the fuck?
Where did we see that before?
Where they said, I'm not doing, oh yeah, I was watching a documentary about agnostic front and the singer Roger Marais, Marette was on the phone.
He's like, I can't do that.
No, I got a family now.
I'm not doing two.
I'm not doing three fucking weeks.
No way.
25 days tops.
He's not doing too well.
Are you sure?
Yeah, he's been in and out of the hospital with cancer.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
He's unlike Joe.
He's really going through it.
I thought he had beat it, though.
Can we get an update on that, Ryan?
Joey Moretz?
Roger Moretz.
Joey Moretz, he says.
You got the sponsors there?
What are they?
I can just wing it.
Roger Moret.
Like, check news.
No, you spelt it wrong.
M-I-R-E-T.
Remember the other day we were trying to find some guy who was making fun of people at the gym, and he types in J-I-M.
For Jim.
Yeah.
G-Y-M.
Shocking.
At the gym.
While we're shitting on you, Ryan, and you look up those two assignments, one is to find out the latest on Roger Moret and the other is to find out the sponsors, I want to give you shit for this fucking mantis shrimp.
Okay.
Where the fuck is it?
I don't know.
Well, it was your assignment.
Yeah.
Okay, that's September 11th.
September 11th?
It's in remission, yeah.
I mean, I follow him on social media and he was actually in a hospital a couple times.
Since September?
Yeah.
Fuck.
Moment of silence.
Yeah, we need you to get us a mantis shrimp.
Okay.
What is your deal?
Okay, I don't know.
I'll get a mantis shrimp.
Get it now!
Let's watch you do it.
How do you do it anyway?
Because when I looked it up, it was like, there's one in Arizona.
What are we going to do?
Ship it here in a fucking Styrofoam container?
Wait, I got forwarded the ad reads and I can't see the attachment.
Okay, I'll handle it.
I can't see the attachment.
But like, how do you get a weird fish like that?
I believe they send it to you.
Okay, how?
In like some sort of cooler.
That's crazy, man.
Yeah.
That's crazy, Jamie.
Uh, how the fuck does it survive?
It doesn't.
Okay, I got the live reads here, and the first one is Tactical Walls, of course!
Tactical Walls, they're here on our walls, and we're jealous that we can't have guns here in New York.
Uh, we can have rifles and stuff, but you, the rest of America gets those cool handgun holders and stuff, and We can have long guns, that's about it.
What's the rule?
36 inches?
How long does a barrel have to be?
16 inches.
16 inches.
So basically me with a boner.
26 inches overall.
Two of my boners, head to head, is what it has to be.
And that's not good enough.
We want them to be even smaller than my dick.
So like under 9 inches.
Tactical walls calm uses the promo code which will appear right here shortly Gavin 15 you get What is it 15% off 20% off?
Yeah, enter the promo code GAVIN, get 20% off all orders.
Go to tacticalwalls.com.
And I can't even begin to list the things.
So, initially when we say Tactical Walls, you go, oh that's cool, I can display my guns.
That is the main thing they sell, but it's the tip of the iceberg.
Cool doohickeys for your Jeep, when you open it up and it's got all these holders and stuff.
Workbench shit?
Places to secretly hide your guns?
I mean, the options are endless.
This guy is an idiot savant when it comes to plastic.
Unfortunately, occasionally we have to deal with the idiot part, but you don't.
You just get the savant all the time.
I'm just kidding, Tim.
I'm just kidding.
So TacticalWalls.com is a sponsor of today's show.
We have no other sponsors.
Maybe Johnny's Apple CBD is mad at me because I talked about my wife getting way too high on the Delta 8.
Sorry.
I don't think that's bad, Johnny Appleseed.
I mean, I'm saying that people can get really high on your shit.
Isn't that good?
Like, don't you want people to go, oh good, I can get legal weed.
I guess all weed is legal these days.
You couldn't get arrested for pot these days, could you?
Well, it's recreational in New York State now.
What if we had this desk was all weed?
Well, on your person, you're allowed three ounces.
And in your home, you're allowed up to five pounds.
That's it?
Five pounds, that wouldn't last me a night.
So what if you get caught in your house with six pounds?
I guess you could get in trouble, I guess.
They'd probably give you a fine.
But you gotta understand, just because New York State made it legal, same in California they made it legal years ago, medical and recreational, it's still illegal federally.
Oh, right.
So anything could happen.
Right.
If the feds want to come in and kick your door in and arrest you for it, they could, because it's not legal.
Because you're in two places.
You're in New York, but you're also in America.
Yeah.
And that's the problem with investing in all of these CBD places.
Well, CBD's legal.
What?
CBD.
Sorry, but investing in all these weed dispensaries is, your money's not safe because it could get shut down at any moment.
Well, for a long time, I mean, I was in the business for a little bit and you couldn't get, like, the issues that you have.
Processing servers, banks, they didn't want anything to do with it.
Like, you would have it for a few months and then they would find out and shut you down.
You'd have to keep going from bank to bank to bank, processing server, processing server.
Yeah, actually, while we were having trouble with payment processors, that's who we ended up with.
People who do porn and people who do CBD and weed dispensers and all that.
The banks didn't want anything to do with it.
So this show is as dangerous as drugs.
What does that tell you?
This is your brain.
This is your brain on drugs.
Clock keeps fucking me up because it's stopped.
So did you get us a mantis shrimp yet?
I'm still on it.
Look it up.
Let's see you look for it.
And one of our fans has a mantis shrimp that's famous on YouTube.
Really?
Now some of them look kind of gray and green.
I don't want that.
I want the blinding one.
That's a rainbow.
It's a rainbow.
Let's see it.
Peacock mantis shrimp.
Rolling stones.
Oh, that's what it is.
Yeah.
Peacock mantis shrimp.
How much is that?
100 bucks?
No problem.
I got that on me.
I spend that on foreskins for my foreskin collection.
Pardon?
I collect foreskins.
I didn't know this.
Yep.
I have them pickled in brine.
Uh, but let me see that.
So what do you go back?
This is, we're finally making some progress on this.
I think three year endeavor.
So your price night, a hundred bucks.
And then, okay.
So say, say you add to cart, add to cart.
Okay.
Why do you keep, why do you hide it?
Proceed to checkout.
I just don't want any of my personal info to be auto-filled.
Oh, I see.
So I'm trying to make sure we don't... Well, there's nothing there.
But what does it say?
Does it say, like, boxes and bags?
Yeah, uh, eight bucks for that.
That's fine.
What are boxes and bags?
Well, it's just gonna be a plastic bag filled with water, salt water.
And they're gonna put it in there, they're gonna seal it, and they're gonna put it in like a styrofoam box and send it to you.
That's a tough little guy if he can survive on the FedEx truck.
Let me see, uh, Unboxing Mantis Shrimp.
I'm gonna look this up to see- Okay, hold on a sec.
I gotta throw you my credit card.
Okay.
Ready?
Holy shit, I'm good at throwing credit cards.
You don't have a saltwater tank, do you?
No, it's a hard... Just get one!
It's so hard to maintain.
The shrimp are the most finicky of the fish.
You can handle it.
Unboxing mantis shrimp.
Aren't they like an exoskeleton or something?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, they're an insect.
They're not really a fish.
No.
Jewish people can't eat them.
That's why I want one.
Because the past four fish we've had, we had a hamoka fish.
Jews broke in here and ate it.
We had a koi fish.
I saw there was two yamakas on the ground.
I don't know, they must have fallen off when they were stealing it.
One of them had his address in his... What's going on with your fucking shirt there, dude?
Got a hole in it.
I hate that.
What the fuck is that for his thumb?
When it's extended?
I hate the kids today.
That's not an example of it, but they're thin, flimsy... Darth Vader's boss sweatshirt hoods.
That are like thinner than sock material.
As we're getting the rocks out, I'm gonna attempt to get in there with my net that has a hair on it.
Disgusting.
Cool that is.
I would get a hundred of those.
Yeah, yeah.
Can we just see the prey?
Get an enemy.
Mm-mm.
As we're getting the rocks out, I'm gonna attempt to get in there with my net that has a hair on it.
Disgusting.
Cool that is.
I would get a hundred of those and have them in the tank.
Yeah, yeah.
Can we just see the prey?
He's like a f*cking raccoon.
I mean, look down at the bottom.
It's in a blackout bag.
This generation really doesn't know how to get to the point, do they?
This bag's a f*cking mega bag!
If this is how big he is, we're f*cked.
Don't look at him.
Really good bagging.
Don't look at him yet, bro.
Okay, here we go.
Am I an old asshole or are these kids annoying the shit out of me?
That thing wants to f***ing kill me.
Holy s***, it's punching the air already.
I'm taking this bag out.
It's time.
Let's go, Jack.
Holy s***.
We're gonna have... Our unboxing is gonna be way better.
What they need to do is put the bag in the tank and let the water acclimate to the temperature of the tank and then let them out.
Cause if you do that, you're going to kill that motherfucker.
Yeah.
Are they not doing that for real?
Well, they just put it in a box first.
They didn't just pour it in the tank.
Right, but you have to have the box... What he's saying is, if they're gonna acclimate him into the box, put the box in the tank, but that doesn't work.
You gotta put the bag in the tank so the temperature is the same.
Oh, and then let the bag open in like half an hour.
Right, let him out into the tank.
Yeah.
What they just did there, took him out, put him in that... These guys, they can smash through an inch of glass.
They can smash the subsquat.
Oh my god, I want that.
I want, I want, I want, I need, I need, I need.
And then you feed them fish, I think?
How big do they get?
I don't, I don't think they grow.
You heard that?
I don't think they grow.
You heard that?
Yeah.
We get to do that.
Guys, we've had this thing overnight and he is an absolute savage.
We're gonna try to beat him right now.
Brooke, put her finger in here.
Charge the glass.
We're not gonna beat our mantis shrimp.
No.
But I am gonna put my dick in the tank.
That's a good idea.
If your dick can't take a smash with a mantis shrimp, you have a shitty dick.
You have a less than shrimp dick.
Let's go!
That was it!
So, a saltwater tank.
How hard can that be?
You get a tank.
Oh, it's time-consuming.
It's terrible.
It's terrible, yeah.
What's the time-consuming?
Why are you such a fish expert?
I knew Ryan was into it, but you know all this?
I knew guys that had brackish water tanks, they had saltwater tanks.
It's just a lot of upkeep.
Like what?
You gonna empty it out every few days?
Oh, pH levels, temperatures, species.
It's a lot of involvement.
The right substrate.
It's not like you win a goldfish at the fair and you got a little bowl and you throw the fish in there.
But we're here every day!
I mean, yeah, I mean... And I assume it can go two, three days over the weekend without... Right?
Let's see, this is a video telling you all about stuff.
All about mantis shrimp, how to care for them, and I'm even going to tell you guys where I got mine and where you can get one yourself.
Ow, ow, ow.
So to start off, I need to tell you what a mantis shrimp is.
It's actually not a type of shrimp, it is a stomatopod, which is an ancient group of marine predators that are distantly related to other crustaceans.
Don't you think, like, this is my belief, I believe in God, but I also believe in evolution.
I believe in the Big Bang, and my religious beliefs are, and I think the Pope is fine with this, Just like the movie Prometheus when that guy ate the shit and he dissolved and then he went into the ocean and became life.
So God set up his first little domino with his little microchip in it and he pushed that and then everything evolved from that.
So this is all part of the plan.
Not that we don't have free will.
You could blow your own head off right now.
Of course.
But he knew that there'd be a Matty O'Dell.
He knew some guys would have bad hearts.
Some guys would have good hearts.
Some people would die of lung cancer.
But if they didn't smoke at all, some people could smoke their whole lives.
That's all, like, programmed in.
And there's checks and balances, too.
Like, I don't want you to fuck your sister.
Okay, I'm gonna make the kid retarded.
Like, just don't do that.
Or Middle Eastern.
I don't want you to murder people.
Okay, people who murder people are going to have nightmares.
They're not going to be embraced into society.
There's all kinds of checks and balances.
He doesn't like socialism, even communism.
Stalin plays God.
He tries to feed millions of people.
Everyone dies.
The free market nature, everything is natural.
But, while all this is happening, I think there was some, like, splash marks.
So he, like, jizzed his magic and made human beings.
But then there's all these losers, which are animals.
Animals are losers.
And he doesn't really care about them.
He's like, eat them if you want.
I don't know.
I got some jizz on the wall and it made a thing.
I was going for humans.
That was my main thing.
Humans and then a place for them.
And I made some coral and that shit happened naturally in the background.
And then some animals ended up.
They're like shitty humans.
So he was, it's sort of like you're making a bomb, but then there was some other explosions over there.
And some animals are pretty good.
Dogs turned out great.
Cats are all right.
Fucking, uh, we were, um, uh, you know, mice, little rodents for a while, but then there's stuff that is just off the wall, like hammerhead sharks.
What the fuck is happening there?
Yeah.
Some of the creatures in the ocean are, I think God sees hammerhead sharks and he goes, Whoa.
And same with fucking peacock mantis shrimp.
Like, that's just a boring mantis shrimp, but they were not part of the grand plan.
The grand plan included crazy mistakes, and that's one of the mistakes.
Oh, that's a mantis shrimp killing... Was that a crawfish?
See?
We can't see.
It's killing another shrimp it seems.
That looks like a crawfish.
Oh, a crawfish.
Yeah, he just has this thing that comes out and bonks them.
This is what you need to do and what you need to watch out for if you're going to keep a mantis shrimp in your aquarium.
First thing is first, food.
These guys are really finicky eaters.
No, that's not first thing first.
Manta shrimp in particular will not accept freeze-dried krill or freeze-dried anything for that matter.
It needs to either be frozen, as in frozen clams on the half shell every once in a while.
That should be his name, Opportunistic Predator.
just as a little treat but uh he's not the type of thing that will or the type of animal that will eat the same meal over and over again because in the wild they are opportunistic predators and they go for a lot of different things so you need to vary their diet that should be his name opportunistic predator it sounds a good name for a band not only that you have to feed them live food a Hunting is like the biggest thing in the mantis shrimp world.
Not only would you not get a mantis shrimp to not feed it live food, like that just wouldn't make sense, but these guys are not going to be happy unless they are going out and hunting and punching the shit out of their prey.
Because that is what they love to do.
They will literally go around and punch rocks and break off rocks just because they're bored and they have nothing to do.
And of course, you would never want to keep anything with a mantis shrimp because it will eat it.
Not only that, it will eat fish too.
I know I said that clubbing or, not clubbing, but punching mantis shrimp will not go for fish, but they will.
Mine has eaten goldfish.
You can click that link above.
It's a video of him eating goldfish.
It's pretty cool.
And by the way, you seem reluctant to want to do this because it's more work for you.
It's your job.
You're getting paid.
It's not like I'm going to say, you know, come in here on a Sunday.
Nah, it's not that.
I don't want to let this guy down, I mean, because I've considered having saltwater fish and it's just so much... You don't want to let the shrimp down?
Yeah.
It's a fucking bug.
See, that's where we differ.
It's an expensive bug.
It's a beautiful creature.
How is it more valuable than a fruit fly?
Oh, because fruit flies you don't want to watch.
You could watch this guy all day.
Show me a video of a fruit fly.
You could make a shrimp cocktail.
So you value life by how aesthetically appealing the creature is.
Well, when it comes to taking care of it.
I mean, look how easy it is to take care of a fruit fly.
That shows you the value.
Nothing good comes of no work.
And these guys are really good.
So the more high maintenance a thing is, the higher value the life.
No, more enjoyable it is.
Okay, but that's not how you started this discussion.
You said, I don't want to let this guy down.
Now you're saying... He could die.
Yeah?
It's more precious than a fruit fly, in my eyes.
Why?
It's bigger.
It does cooler stuff.
Okay.
Like an ant's life versus a dog's life, if you want to go really extreme.
This thing is closer to a dog.
Yeah, I understand, but you get into a logistical problem where the Buddhists, they just treat all animals the same.
I'm not a Buddhist.
Thank you.
I'm a Bible-ist, a Christian.
But when you abandon the Buddhist logic of a fruit flies the same as me, then, or any other animal, I don't know if they go right up to human, then you have to develop this whole hierarchy of like, where is an elephant?
Is it size related?
Well, pretty much what it boils down to is every animal is here under the dominion of the human being, because we are the sacred creation of God, and everything else is pretty much just, you can kill it, you can do whatever.
This is a weird episode, man.
You can do whatever to animals, but it's where your particular values lie, and where you respect some animals.
Okay, let's stop the philosophical discussion.
So you, are you scared you're not good enough?
Like, I don't think it's high maintenance.
I've done a lot of research and it's, I know people that have had tanks, my friend's parents, I just visited them not too long ago, and they've had the 14-year tank and it just, they've had ups and downs with it.
It's not easy and they don't have, I think it might be brackish.
Brackish, Matty, is salt water and fresh water.
Salt and brackish?
Yeah, and that's easier.
Well, kind of, sort of.
Yeah, I guess you're right because then you have to worry about the blend of the The only thing that's going to be in the tank is the mantis shrimp because you can't put anything else in there except when you feed it.
Yeah.
Where are we going to get this live food?
Look at pet stores!
That's easy!
Is that what's holding you back?
I'm just scared of the whole process.
I've looked into saltwater fishing for angelfish and things like that.
I would love to personally get way more in depth with my aquarium stuff.
Because I love fish.
I've always had fish.
You have a problem where, and it might be the fatherlessness, where you can't close deals.
Like it goes back to the couch.
I offered you an awesome couch.
You kept your shitty couch because you don't like making decisions.
That's why your room at the Fag Zone was four feet deep and close because you can't throw clothes.
You gotta, you just gotta get into life.
Buy that, that Manta Jumbo Shrimp now on my credit card, okay?
Okay.
And while it's being shipped, we're going to get a saltwater tank.
You heard it here first, folks.
I know this has been an odd show because we've been arguing about Peacock Manta Shrimp the entire time, but you're going to tune in later and you're going to see it.
Let me make one quick suggestion.
What?
Get the tank, set it up first.
No!
No!
The shrimp's gonna get overnighted.
No, it will not.
I think it will.
It will not.
Okay.
It's gonna take like 10 days.
Guaranteed.
No, they overnight it so it doesn't die in the bag.
Right.
Pretty strong point.
Just saying.
Pretty strong point.
Get the tank, set it up first, and then If you're watching, sir, because I know he watches the show.
He's DM'd me.
Wait, peacock mantis shrimps watch this show?
No, not the mantis shrimp itself, the owner.
I believe it's this guy.
What guy?
Nick SBF.
Yeah, I think this is the dude.
Nick SBF.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's see if I could find him.
Call him.
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna try.
Has he ever contacted you?
Yeah, through DMs.
Okay, call him right now.
But that was my old Instagram.
And then we can Venmo him money and he can send us all this shit.
Like for the tank and everything.
Oh, interesting.
And then we'll have that set up.
And then we'll have like his shot, like he has his own shot.
What do you do with salt water?
You get normal water and then you just add salt to it?
Well not like aquarium salt.
Wait a minute we can get salt water ten feet from here.
Aquarium salt right?
They call it an instant ocean.
My salt water tank after six months now a year in somebody okay.
But like there's salt water isn't the Hudson River salt water?
Yeah no it's brackish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it's a... Because the Hudson River that flows south is freshwater and it intersects with the Atlantic Ocean.
But what if we went down to Staten Island?
That's brackish.
When does it turn into the ocean?
Like right past the Verrazano Bridge and stuff.
That's... Staten Island's past the Verrazano Bridge.
Yeah, it's right there.
Okay, so we go to Staten Island.
It's a fucking 40-minute drive.
Bring a bucket and we got salt water.
True.
See?
We're doing shit.
I'm messaging people.
We're going to get shit rolling this episode.
I'm sick of waiting for a shrimp because we look like bullshitters.
Like the whole point of this show is like, hey, this is happening.
We need to fight back.
We're living under tyranny.
These fucking mandates are nuts.
Come on, let's rise up.
You know, patriotism, liberty, venerate the housewife, glorify the entrepreneur.
Come on, never stop fighting.
And then I'm like, we're going to get a mantis shrimp and then And we're sitting here with no fucking shrimp.
Sitting here with no shrimps.
You're like, oh, well, what else is bullshit?
Now I get it.
Never stop fighting.
Never stop fighting unless it's saltwater and then give up.
It's a good point.
It's not a good message.
I didn't see it like that before, but now I get it now.
Well, wait a minute.
I don't like that that's how you see it now.
Well, there's symbolism in this.
Because I'm also doing it for you, because I want you to be able to like just fucking do shit.
Just follow my dreams of it.
You know, I've always wanted a saltwater fish, so you're right.
Salt, brackish fish.
I'm gonna look this guy up.
Like, I remember my dad wanted to knock down a supporting wall at his house, and he was like, ugh.
It's complicated and all that.
Because if we knock down this wall we've got to have beams, an I-beam across and then two beams going down right to the basement and then what, they're just sitting in the basement?
And I go, no, they probably need a, we're going to dig in to the cement of the foundation.
And then the I-beams are going that, and then we'll use cement.
And he goes, so you think we're just meant to dig a hole in cement?
I go, yeah, let's do it.
I just grabbed a sledgehammer and went, wham!
And then we just started, wham, wham, wham!
And we dug a huge hole in the foundation.
Next thing you know, we didn't put in the I-beams, but the guys get in the I-beams, fill in the cement, he can look out into his backyard, the sporting wall is gone!
Beautiful.
He died in the collapse.
Oh my god, I'm sorry.
Yeah, two weeks later.
Jim McGinnis died?
Jimmy's done.
Oh fuck.
No, it's still going strong!
Oh.
That was a lie.
This is the lying episode.
I've told about a hundred lies.
We should open the phone lines and if people know about fish, I mean shrimp.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Oh, I want to do a super chat tonight to raise money for Max and John.
Dude, Max Hare called me from prison tonight.
Oh shit.
And guess what he said from, I mean, outside of cancer and other serious illnesses.
What is hell on earth?
It's prison.
Okay.
Right?
Like I guess being trapped under a car is worse but it's a rough place to be.
And he calls me.
I'm at my son's birthday party at Five Guys and Which was in Palo Manor, and just a little side note here, that fucking area, it put me in such a bad mood.
I'm in a good mood now, but it started when I arrived at Dave & Buster's, and we're at a red light, and the person facing me in the red light just has their fucking brights on!
I don't know how many people in Pelham Manor, which is just north of the Bronx, can hear me right now.
I don't know how many of you are watching.
Your brights are for an old country road.
A windy road late at night.
You're the only one for miles.
And in the forest you're worried about a deer popping out.
Okay, put your brights on.
But the second you even smell a hint of someone coming in the opposite direction, you fucking, oh my god, it's like being seen taking a shit nude in the street.
You whack off your, whack off, you slam off your brights and go, sorry, sorry.
It's a sin.
And even that millisecond that they got flashed, like, I'm fucking I'm so sorry, won't happen again.
This guy's just sitting there like... I don't know, maybe he's a Mexican and they don't know that?
Or maybe it was some stupid bitch on welfare is just like... Because when I flashed him, he turned them off.
So that means they're aware.
They didn't just go, fuck you.
So it's not a complete asshole, it's just an idiot.
And that just set me off for the rest of the fucking night.
Fuck.
There's people overindulging themselves and wearing pajamas and and like everyone's waiting to get in and they're asking all these questions about the Dave and Buster's car.
You don't have a Dave and Buster's car.
This dude trying to get military, the military rate and I think because his dad was in the military.
No dude you have to be active service you fuck.
Move it let's go!
And by the way why are you waiting here?
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