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Dec. 27, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:03:42
SELF-HARM
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Time Text
Oh, oh, oh, ribs still broken.
I'm not healthy.
So that's, we'll get to that in a second.
That's Tahir Shah.
He's a Pakistani pop star and a talentless shitbag that sort of sums up my views on Western and Eastern culture.
When I say the West is the best and non-Western culture sucks, I don't mean like it's not my cup of tea.
I mean it fucking blows.
Could that video have been shittier, please?
Could that musician be less talented?
Could he be more of a loser?
Look at his face.
I mean, just kick him in the face.
Throw him off a cliff.
Shoot him.
It's legal to shoot him.
Why does he exist?
I guess he's a rich guy's son?
That can't be a hard Scrabble pop star who made his way.
What is he crying there?
What's on his face?
Is that just a bunch of weird growths?
Jim, the other day, this Puerto Rican kid comes up.
He's got blood all over his forehead and hands.
I guess he was touching it.
And we go, what are you doing?
He goes, oh, he's lifting weights back there.
Huh?
I popped a wart.
Did I talk about this already on the marathon?
What?
Dude, warts don't pop.
It's like dead shit in there.
Dead skin.
It's not this turgid balloon waiting to pop.
You lowered the weight too hard on your head.
You cut your head open.
My wart popped.
I mean, the thing that kids say the darkest things, don't they?
Anyway, this is going to be a fun week, short week.
We are just doing we short episodes because it's Christmas time.
That's why I'm dressed so cute and Vermontian.
I think I have Omnicron.
I was under about 15 blankets last night.
I couldn't get warm until about 3 in the morning, and then I was boiling hot.
And dude, the nightmares I was having were disturbing.
We're on some island that was sort of like Malta.
It was some sacred island.
Remember when Italy was the only place that could make glass?
This is all in Michelle Malkin's amazing book, Who Built That?
And because it was such an incredible talent, the king, emperor, kept them all on the island of Malta, all the glass guys.
And he treated them like kings.
They did very well.
But people would show up and try to kidnap them so they could have glass, transparent glass.
And, you know, it was his most valuable asset was these glass makers.
And that's the kind of vibe it was.
And this dude was on there, and he was a shapeshifting guy that looked like Ian Astorbury from the cult.
And he was there to do some sort of a thing that was going to destroy the entire world and kill everyone in the world.
So my first instinct is, obviously, I got to get my wife and kids off of this island.
We've got to get the fuck out of here.
I don't want to be.
But then I think, well, wait, the whole world's going to go.
Luckily, there was a guy on the island who knew everything that was going down.
And I remember saying to him, I have this sort of strange tool.
I can't even remember where I got it in my toolbox.
And it's just like, it's a wood handle, and it's a long, pointy pick.
That's it.
Just like a pokey, pointy thing.
I don't even know what it's for.
And I remember saying to him, should I just take that pick and go up his chin and into his brain and try to kill him?
And eventually I decided, I think I have to stay here.
I'll ship my family out, and then I have to stay here and try to fight a guy who's obviously powerful enough to shapeshift and kill everyone in the world.
Dude, stress.
It's very uncomfortable.
Having a vivid imagination is fun sometimes.
Sometimes it's fucking scary, yo.
So yeah, I have some kind of disease.
I don't know.
And then, of course, there's the broken rib from the asshole.
Have I told you that story yet?
No, I haven't.
So we go to my coach's 50th birthday, and it's a roast.
There's barely anyone there.
And I had some great roasts.
Like, the bad news is there's only five people here.
The good news is all of Ryan's friends are here.
And then I had some good bits.
Like this one dude, Danny, he's missing a tooth.
He got it knocked out in a fight.
He's black and he's drunk.
And so he kept trying to walk and it was like a midget kept kicking his legs out from underneath him.
So every time he would come over here, I'd go, security, security.
There's a homeless man here.
There's a homeless man accosting us.
No, sir, we don't have any money.
Because he looked like shit.
And then my third great bit was at the end of the night, there was just me and four other beasts, like heavyweight guys.
Timmy, Gary, Terrence.
Timmy, Gary, Terrence, me, and Tommy.
All heavyweights.
All could fight like Tyson.
Big guys with pro records.
They've been doing it since they were little kids.
And Those guys are usually very gentle giants because, you know, they can kill you.
That's the ones you got to watch out for, by the way.
The nice guys.
So Timmy's holding court because he's drunk.
And he's talking about, I don't fucking know.
And I kept interrupting him and going, Isn't it nice, guys, to be around the same exact level of skill as you?
Like, the five of us don't have to talk down to anyone.
We can relax and know that we're with our peers.
I think we should have a little group.
The five Banditos.
And four of them, three of the five liked it.
And then Timmy just kept going, shut up, you fucking suck.
He's the one who broke my ribs later.
I'm starting to realize that it wasn't an accident.
So then my funny bit became deciding that some people might be out of the banditos.
Like, I think you're out, dude.
Especially if someone said, I got to go.
I'd be like, all right, you leave this bar.
You leave the banditos.
You're done.
And then all the banditos were gone.
It's just me and Timmy, the guy that kept telling me to shut the fuck up.
And he's doing that thing that boxers do when they're drunk where they talk about boxing.
And it's always the same conversation.
So it's like, all right, so get in your stance.
Okay, sit, sit, sit down, sit.
Meaning like lower yourself.
And then I come at you like this, right?
Now, where are you?
And then they hold your arms.
They're always like, okay, so what do you do now?
I'm here.
Where does your arm go?
I guess a body shot.
Right.
You come down there, but then what do I do?
I counter it.
So pivot off the shoulder, counter it.
You're like, okay, I don't want to talk about this.
It's like talking about work.
Shane Smith used to always do that advice.
He'd get drunk.
He'd put his lips up right to my very ear hole and be like, we are going to be so fucking rich.
And I was like, I don't want to talk about work.
We're at a bar.
Let's talk about boobies.
So during all of this, they're getting harder, all of these demonstrations.
And one of them cracked my fucking rib.
That might be why I feel so weird.
It's because I'm taking like six Adderalls, I mean, Advils a day.
So I've got a lot of little funny random scraps.
This is what we do after Christmas, right?
We have leftovers.
So I've got a bunch of leftovers we could pick at.
Maybe we can make a sandwich out of them.
This will be the sandwich episode.
I'll call it leftovers.
If you look at 20, by erasure is never okay.
I was looking at Elliot Page.
I can't remember how I got there, but her talking about Juicy Smoolet, which is ancient news now.
But she's just such a damaged moron.
And then she was humiliated by that.
So she decided to eradicate herself.
Elliot Page is gone.
Or what was her name before that?
Ellen.
Ellen.
Ellen's gone.
So you say something embarrassing, you make a fool of yourself, cut your tits off.
And then people go, oh, you're that stupid bitch that said that Juicy wasn't a hoax.
And you go, no.
I'm Elliot.
Ellen's gone.
I agree.
She's a dumb bitch.
She doesn't exist.
And then, of course, lots of other people are doing it now, cutting their tits off.
But here's some patronizing megalomaniac teenager.
You know what's possible, by the way?
Maybe teens have always been this annoying.
We just didn't realize it because we couldn't hear from them.
I mean, I'm 51.
When would I ever hear a teenager talking?
I guess my daughter's friends, but they're kind of cool and they don't talk very much to me.
I'm a straight passing girl, and I'm here to say high ratio is never okay.
Oh, uh, and by the way, if they're in a same-sex relationship, they're still not gay.
I'm a straight passenger.
I'm starting to understand all this shit.
If they're in a same-sex relationship, they're still not gay.
Yes.
Because one of the men with a penis might identify as a woman.
Sound good?
There was just an article in New York, New York Mag, about a lesbian who got herself a penis.
And she's posing in the picture.
She's got her, they always have such a weird beard, such a strange adolescent beard.
She's got a weird beard.
Her tits have been removed, of course, as is their wont.
And you see a large cock in a pair of underpants.
And next to the bulge, you see his bare leg, her bare leg.
And you see what looks like a World War II shrapnel wound.
This person was on the beaches of Normandy, but the Nazis, they were fighting was their femininity.
I think I have it on my phone somewhere if you can't dig it up.
But man, these people are getting disturbing.
We're no longer doing leftovers now.
This is modern shit.
Your password is required to enable Touch ID.
Sometimes I try to bluff it and say, oh, is it though?
Is it really?
But it doesn't work.
You can't outsmart a computer.
No luck, Ryan?
No.
You can text it to me.
You can't find a New York magazine article about a guy, a woman, who just recently got herself a penis.
What an intellectual.
Have you seen the picture?
It's a naked guy on the cover.
Yeah, I'm sending it to you now.
There's a lot of articles about trans stuff.
In New York, Maggie?
Yeah.
Oh, so that's a different one I just sent you.
Covering scars.
Yeah, that's a different one.
That's also disturbing.
I just sent you one of this woman who cut her tits off.
She's not a woman.
She's a child, 13.
And speaking Of being out of touch with teenagers, I'm going to assume a lot of you are.
I'm going to assume I'm the only one who talks to them because I have them and not everyone does.
They're kids.
13-year-olds are little kids.
13-year-olds, like 13-year-old boys, they do that thing where they act real tough and then you call them on it and they collapse and start crying and they miss their mama.
Or they see a horror movie and they poop their pants.
So it's a funny stage because they front like they badass.
But when confronted with anything, they go back into Little Kid Town.
So they're a little kid and a grown-up at the same time.
Now, that's pretty disturbing.
Oh, I think I might have it.
Fuck.
No, I don't.
Fucked MIPD.
Facial, fecal stains.
Oh, that's ancient news.
I think I may have skipped it.
It's a woman saying, I wasn't complete until I got my penis.
Here.
Yeah, yeah.
New York remote.
Oh, got it.
Yeah.
Gabriel Mac on the story of his penis.
Look how happy he is.
That's a dude.
Look at his leg.
I didn't need a penis to be a man, but I needed one to be myself.
It's not a penis.
It's part of your thigh that's rolled up into a burrito that's not functional.
Sometimes they have a pump that makes it do a thing.
Look at his poor leg.
Like, doesn't that look like the leg of someone who doesn't like to talk about the war?
It also doesn't look like a dick.
No.
You could tell.
Even in that, it's way too.
It's a big undies.
Like, you have the biggest dick in the world.
That's way too much meat.
And they don't do balls, right?
Yeah, there's no balls involved.
Oh, shit.
Good question.
Good point.
So, how is that a penis?
You know what, this, just like I said, that women are trivialized by this whole concept of all you have to do is identify as a woman and you're a woman.
That trivializes women.
I'm mad about you trivializing a penis.
A penis is involved.
But anyway, sorry, go back to that previous thing you had with the 13-year-old child.
I mean, her nipples are gone.
Can't they keep the nipple?
Like, cut along, then cut around, and then cut along.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she's so happy.
By the way, why doesn't she have long hair?
You know what I mean?
This is looking more and more like a tomboy.
Shouldn't she have this hairdo?
Look at that shit.
I feel violent towards the doctor and the mother.
She also doesn't look like the same ethnicity.
Right.
Which implies she may have been adopted?
That's not what people expect when they give up their child for adoption.
They go, I don't have any money.
My husband's abusive.
We live in war-torn fucking Mozambique.
Take my baby away so it can have a life and not die and go into prostitution or something horrible.
And then we go, don't worry.
I'm going to fly from America, the land of the free, and give your daughter a wonderful life.
Then they check back in 13 years later, that's not too long.
There's a giant fucking machete scar.
And remember when Gigi Gorgeous did it with her husband?
The poor girl was in a wheelchair for like a week.
And Gigi would drive her around.
And every time they hit a bump, it hurt.
I mean, my tattoos hurt right now.
The tattoos we got during the marathon.
Not a lot, but they scraped me with the pin thing.
It went in like a millimeter.
And it's a little bit itchy and uncomfortable.
Imagine you have your fucking tits cut off.
Or an enormous piece of your thigh.
Do they have more pictures of that guy?
That guy.
So yeah, the thing doesn't work.
You can sometimes get a pump.
Oh, my lord.
You can sometimes get a pump, but like, it's not like it feels good.
It's just they take your vaginal peehole, and it's not quite as, well, it's exactly as disgusting as the male to female.
Female to male.
They're both equally ridiculous.
What the fuck just happened there?
Oh.
Oh, this poor girl.
So here's what happened with them.
Gigi Gorgeous is a gay man who wanted to become a woman.
And she met a billionaire, heir to the Getty oil throne.
This lesbian will do anything to be with Gigi because she's madly in love and it's a girl with a built-in strap on.
Perfect.
So Gigi's not attracted to her.
And she wants her to be more male.
She's gay.
No, this is confusing because I keep changing the pronouns.
Gigi has long hair.
Nat has short hair.
So Gigi's a gay man, as far as I'm concerned.
Nat is a lesbian.
The gay man, gay men are not attracted to that.
Gay men want to fuck like The Rock or Tony Soprano or someone very male.
So she married her for money.
Gigi married Nat for money, and now she's like, can you get rid of these tits?
I mean, we already talked about this, but...
That's so depraved.
Without further ado, let's just get into it.
Let's bring Kate in here.
So, your head.
So, attention.
Here is Kate.
I think it would be interesting for people to know how we met.
We were at brunch together.
Drag brunch.
We were at drag brunch, and someone was like, oh my god, she did Shi Chi's makeup.
And we're both like, okay.
And then I came over here and painted you in drag into the chicken.
Because that's a chick who's an effeminate guy.
And then we went to Mickey's, and the rest is her story, I feel.
Wait, with the colorful sweater?
The rest is her story.
When I look at that guy in the middle, I just see this poor, deranged homosexual who's been mutilated.
And then with Nat on the right with the spiky hair, I see this pathetic lesbian who's also been mutilated.
They're pro-mutilation.
It's funny how they say, we need to be free from the patriarchy in order to be safe.
So we say, okay, fine, I don't want to get in your way.
Enjoy yourself.
So we release them into the wild.
And what do they do?
Maim themselves and then commit suicide.
Good vibe.
It's going to be super fun.
I'm really excited.
No, Chad Character.
Can you believe that it's the sexists like me that are saying, please don't let little girls chop their tits off?
Oh, God.
I remember seeing it for the first time.
Oh, that's not Nat.
So that's a girl.
So what did you call that girl?
I remember seeing it for the first time.
It's a chick pretending to be a gay, effeminate guy.
Wait, that's her with tits.
They're removing them now.
So she has like no tits, basically.
You know what's funny?
Oh, no, that's what that is.
Oh, what is that?
What is going on with that nipple thing?
What is going on with that nipple thing?
What the fuck is that?
That's a garlic.
It's like that show of the swan.
Look how funny.
At least this surgeon's better at it and you get to keep your pepperonis.
In pancake, yeah.
Oh, my God.
It's just remote.
Your body must be so confused.
Jesus, that's like this is...
All of this is horrific, but that's so much nicer than that weird Asian-looking girl.
That Asian-looking girl looks like they used a table saw.
You should be.
By the way, the implication here, the insinuation is that when women are lesbians, they walk around with their tits and they don't feel like men.
I'd say about a third of the men I hang out with have tits.
Like, to say you're not a man if you have tits, you haven't been to Disneyland.
Pretty much every parent there, every dad has tits.
Even semi-fit guys have tits.
What's she getting removed?
This is so depraved.
Like, isn't it weird how Gigi wants them to lose their tits?
What is that?
That's Gigi?
Yeah.
It's a dude.
What the fuck?
What's going on with your hand now?
Dealing with, like, in the most adorable, like, endearing way, like, a three-year-old child.
Just to wear a pin that says she.
I was going to have to get my hand amputated.
Yeah, no, and like, no, no.
But it's like, I stole your tits.
You know what this is?
What we're watching here?
The patriarchy.
Gigi is the male.
Gigi is the patriarch.
She's controlling these women and maiming them and stealing their tits.
I don't want you to have tits, but I want tits.
So she gets fake tits and makes them take away their tits.
This is depraved.
This is sick.
Like that dude who had the sex cult where they talk about how, oh, he was so evil.
He burned them.
Now, if he was fucking underage girls, yes, yes, throw him in jail.
But if he's not, and the whole thing is like he controlled these women and made them have sex with him.
What about maiming them and making them cut off four tits so you can have two?
I know he didn't literally take their tits, but you get the concept.
It's sort of like these women who think that they're feminists and they're rich, you know, American housewives and they fly in a nanny from the Philippines.
You stole love.
She's not with her kids anymore.
She has kids in the Philippines.
The Philippines' number one outsource is human beings, and that's love.
So you're taking love from the Filipina family and you're putting it into your family.
Oh, God.
You don't look like a dude.
Yeah, it's the moment.
You sort of look like a maimed 12-year-old boy.
A chubby 12-year-old?
Is that what you were going for?
It was definitely weird.
It was the first time someone was like grabbing really hard right there.
But yeah, it feels great.
I haven't worked on my chest at all, so I'm like still the flattest, but I kind of like love that for me right now.
Okay, so thank you guys for watching this video.
Thanks, Kate, for being so open and honest.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you guys for doing this for me.
I literally would have died without you, and I can't believe the universe couldn't be in your lives.
Yeah, babe.
Yeah, Kate.
Love you.
These are my pets.
I control and disfigure.
Their lighting is better than mine, Ryan.
I seem kind of dark.
I want to be like Gigi.
Can you fix that live?
I mean, we got a lot of lights on.
They have like a ring light right on their face.
Yeah, they have those circle things on their jiggies.
They look very natural.
All right, that's enough homosexuality.
Oh, this was interesting.
So an insider told me, he said, all of this stuff with COVID and mandates as far as the FDMY and NYPD goes, what they're really trying to do is make the old timers quit.
Did I tell you this already?
The old guard?
Yeah, the background seems to change what the camera wants to do.
What if you made it really dark?
Do I brighten up?
Maybe it's all just relative.
Because there's the old guard at MYPD and FDMY.
And they get a great salary, great perks.
It's not hard.
So they tend not to leave.
So if you want to be captain, I think it is, lieutenant, I forget the top guys.
It's not looking good for you.
There's like 100 people who want the job, and there's six positions.
And the six guys aren't going anywhere.
So Eric Adams, who is, make no mistake, he's a blacktivist.
He's Black Lives Matter.
He doesn't give a shit about cops.
He doesn't give a shit about New York.
All he cares about is black rights activism.
Yes, I know he was a cop.
When he was a cop, it was all about black rights.
And he was a member of the 100 Black Cops or whatever the fuck it's called.
So he is taking that into the mayorial ship.
And so they just hired this head of, what is she?
she's the top brass.
Okay, so, sorry.
We've had some time off.
I'm not quite as articulate as I should be.
So we do the mandates.
We insist everyone is triple vaccinated with the booster, all you old guys.
So they get pissed off and they go, well, I mean, I have been on the force 42 years.
I'm only supposed to do 20.
Fine.
This is the straw that broke the camel's back.
Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
All these positions open up.
Then Eric fills them in with his black paintbrush.
And now, MIPDF DMY is all black.
I mean, they do that with judges, prosecutors.
They're changing the color of America.
And the reason I have a problem with that is because it's not based on meritocracy.
If they were changing the top brass to all be people who were good swimmers, I would be pissed off.
If they all had to have a large mustache, I would be pissed off.
It's not the mustache or the swimming.
It's that you're not going by who has the most seniority, who's the best.
So if you want proof of any of this, check out this, The Wall Behind This Woman.
3-5.
Jumping way ahead here.
Uh-oh.
Geeks.
All right.
This is the problem with old links, too.
Don't worry, you can't bring me down.
Because guess what?
I texted a cop about it.
And I said, look at this shit.
Um.
Eric Adams' new MIPD commissioner is being impointed in front of a mural.
Her name is KeyChant.
What?
What kind of fucking name is that?
Keychant.
K-E-E-C-H-A-N-T.
Wait, the link's coming up for me, Ryan.
35, I'll click again.
Eric Adams, new NYPD Commissioner, is being appointed in front of a mural featuring Malcolm X. Okay, I like Malcolm X, but he's pretty radical.
That's a pretty big deal.
Also on the mural, Nat Turner.
Okay, so Nat Turner, which one was he again?
Was he a Black Panther?
Nat Turner.
See, they get more and more radical as we go down the list.
Angela Davis, Huey Newton, and Asada Shakur.
Asada Shakur, Tupac's mom, killed a cop and was taken away, smuggled into Cuba, where she lives today.
I assume they just send her money.
Like, just to be clear here, the NYPD commissioner is being appointed in front of a mural of a cop killer.
Yeah, that mural.
I wonder if they're trying to hide it.
Look, the shots include Malcolm X, who's like the most tame guy on the wall.
That's what they're doing.
And you'd say, okay, so they're radicalizing the MIPD.
Don't put too much thought into this.
It's not about radicalizing the MYPD.
All Eric Adams cares about is that they're black.
Well, would he put a black conservative in?
Not really, but that's just because a black conservative would be less likely to be on his affirmative action squad and would get in his way.
Can't you find this, fuckface?
I'm looking on Gurduski's thing, but I can't find it.
Give up on Gurduski.
That ship has sailed.
Here, I'll email it to you.
I just want to find this.
I want to show people this mural.
Who's this guy?
Here's a wide.
Yeah, but still kind of obscure.
Tupac's mom is still cut out.
Asata.
She's on the far, well, the far right of the photo, not the far right of politics.
Isn't that weird?
Who is this guy, Paul?
Paulo.
He's probably a racist.
Paulo Friere?
Education is an act of love and thus an act of courage.
What the fuck does that even mean?
The rhetoric is just, it doesn't stand up to any kind of an analysis whatsoever, does it?
Paulo P-A-U-L-O.
I sent you the mural, Ryan.
Yep, still waiting for that to come in.
Text or the email, right?
Still waiting.
Paulo Friere.
Paulo Friere was a Brazilian educator.
Dude, this guy was a big deal in Brazil because he was all about public school and wanted public schools to be popular in fucking Brazil.
This is the second time I've come across this penis face.
In Bryant Park, my favorite park in New York City, there's a massive bronze statue to this guy.
Why do we...
I brought this up on my old show after I saw it because I looked up the statue.
I was like, who the fuck is this guy?
It's him in like the 60s.
He doesn't look like that.
He looks more like a suit type.
I look him up and he's like this big public school advocate in Brazil because they love public school and they got to get their Hispanic numbers up.
So they just go to Brazil for a guy.
I'm like, why isn't Bill the Butcher there?
Well, he was a violent gang member.
Okay.
He's still, so is most of the people on the wall behind you.
And at least he's from New York.
Paulo's got nothing to do with New York.
And I betcha he was racist.
Racism, no?
Blacks.
We know that we know that Shea Guevara was racist.
In South Africa, Freire's ideas and methods were central to the 70s consciousness movement, often associated with Steve Biko.
Okay, so I didn't catch him being racist.
Not that Wikipedia is going to be hard on a socialist.
Oh, so this is racism.
Let's do the racism interstitial.
I'm a black female.
What other differences?
What else could I have done to piss you off?
Black woman?
This is really inconvenient.
Oh, Black Betty.
Bamba Lamb.
Bamba Lam.
A lot of ums on today's show.
That's not entertaining.
What's 3-7?
What is Jussie's story today?
I was hanging out with Zanoa Kinsman on the weekend.
I just can't not call her son Jussie Smollett.
John Kinsman, the Proud Boy's son, JJ, is an exact clone of Jussie Smollett.
I think he even, she told me he saw a picture of him, and he said, that guy looks like me.
What?
That's incredible.
Yeah.
What is this now?
Blow it up.
Oh, this was all the initial.
Yeah, yeah, this is, boy, talk about ancient Chinese secret.
This is from fucking two weeks ago.
But it's just a funny reminder.
Speaking of Elliot Page, in a way, of all the people who jumped on this, they're just such fucking sheep over at the DNC and they're lackeys in the media like Joy Reed.
What does Joy Reed got to say?
Nooses never what?
The fuck does she know about nooses?
Her parents are from Africa.
Nooses never really disappeared.
Messages of a very specific terror, but every time they do, God, it's chilling.
Praying for Jesse's full recovery.
This is exactly what happened when the Proud Boys were arrested for the fight, and one politician said hate has no place in New York.
And then they all went on to say the exact same thing.
3-8.
It's a question above my competence.
What's that again?
Ooh, blackberry.
Bamba-lam.
Oh, this guy's a fucking clown.
Why?
This might have to be a green screen.
This is long.
For a good chunk of the last year or so.
Isn't it weird how writers at The Guardian, Huffington Post, and Washington Post don't realize they're a joke and no one takes them seriously?
They're just for like silly girls.
Like, it's not like academics and scientists constantly refer to The Guardian as a source.
You can always, if they call proud boys crypto-fascist or neo-fascist, you know you're dealing with underdeveloped minds.
Revere or remove the battle over statue's heritage and history.
And really our subject, in a way, is memory and how we grapple with that publicly.
It's one thing how we grapple with it in our own personal lives, but the larger question here is how do we deal with memory in the public sphere?
Part of that is going to be about statues, but we're going to also, I hope, explore other areas in which we have to reckon with our past.
And with me are four people who do that professionally and are really extraordinary.
So this guy in the end is just such a twat.
And he talks right there.
It's just a white guy.
And he always does being black and British.
And he's got a show called Black and British.
He's got a book for kids, Go Black and British.
He just makes up shit.
Like they'll find a body in Wales and they'll say, judging by the oxidization in her bones, she's not from Wales.
So he says she's from Africa.
No, she's from Liverpool.
She travelled.
Not black, sorry.
Oxford's Oriel College, which of course is your benefactor.
I was in John.
Yeah, that's to win a battle of power.
And so just to inform this bit of the conversation, why don't you, because I know you've written about this, say something about the context in the United States about these Confederate generals on horseback often, which people assume were built in the Civil War and therefore we mustn't take them down because the Civil War is a big part of American history.
The history of their construction is slightly different.
Can you just say that?
Well, see, this is another myth.
We presume these statues are much older than they were.
It's always presumed because they're meant to look old and they weather and they look grey and awful very quickly.
We presume they're old.
Most of the statues in the Civil War, which was 61 to 65, were not put up in 1866 when people were, the wounded and the veterans were still alive.
There's a great burst of statues being put up around the time of 1919 at the end of the First World War.
Around the same time, 21 African-American soldiers were lynched for wearing their uniforms in public.
Can you also comment on how from a distance your hair looks like a white man's.
When you zoom in, it looks like a bit of worms.
When you zoom in, it looks like a 14-year-old girl who works at Five Guys.
Wait, go back to the beginning of his first appearance, though.
You know what?
It just, if I was black, I would just say, shut the fuck up and stop making us look like pussies who are constantly complaining about being lynched and how horrible it was and how we're the only ones who were ever putting it.
To me, it's a very simple case.
Many of the figures that we're going to debate tonight, they have two sides to their story.
They did great things, but they did terrible things.
Colston doesn't have another side to the ledger.
He ran the Royal African Company, the most infamous, the most prolific slave trading company in British history.
He's responsible, we estimate, for the deaths of around 30,000 people who died in slave raids, died in the whole civil society.
See, I always get in shit with Americans because they're very sensitive about the Civil War, but it's showing history.
And the argument they always say is, oh, should you have statues of Hitler in Germany?
Yeah.
You should.
There's statues of Mao in China.
It shows history.
It doesn't necessarily mean I revere this person.
Does a book about World War II with a big swastika on it called The Third Reich, does that mean you revere Nazis?
No.
You just are marking history.
The irony is, by the way, this guy with the 14-year-old girl's hairdo is a history professor.
He doesn't know anything about history, constantly getting it wrong, and he's anti-history.
He wants statues removed.
Removing statues is book burning.
But keep going, because there's one part here, I should have time stamped it, where he says, I mean, a lot of these statues, really, to be honest, you know, we all feel the same way about them.
They look silly.
They just look silly.
They're funny.
I mean, we've had one, when I grew up in Bristol, we would always put a pylon on top of Lord fuckface's head because we were mocking him.
They do that in Glasgow too, by the way.
They don't look silly to me.
It looks silly to you because you're an asshole and you disdain your country's past because you make money whining about it and pretending that America's racist.
I mean, sorry, Britain's racist and you're a victim.
Keep going.
And he has statues built in honor of him, buildings named after him, because he gave lots of money to the city he was born in, Bristol.
That's all.
He decided that he wanted to whitewash his legacy and make sure that he was well remembered.
The statue in the centre of Bristol was built in 1895.
He died in 1721.
We have no idea what he looks like.
Never mind whether the statue was an accurate representation of his likeness.
This is somebody for whom there is no mitigating argument.
Because statues aren't about remembering history.
They're about memorialization.
They're about saying this was somebody who fairly, where'd you get that from?
Is it not about remembering history?
What about plaques?
What about in New York City, we've got a big sort of mound of dirt on the West End by Chelsea Piers, and it's in memorial of the potato famine.
Is it pro-potato famine?
Is it pro-the Irish starving to death?
What are you talking about?
Statue says he's a wise and virtuous son.
He's not wise.
He's not virtuous.
He's a killer.
And his statue shouldn't be on public display on the streets of Bristol, but it should be in a museum.
Because when they talk about toppling statues, that's another trick they do.
They say, no, no, no, we don't want it destroyed.
We want it to go to the museum.
And then there was just a big Confederate statue that after they took it down, they melted it.
They're not going into a museum.
They're going to put it.
What putting it in a museum is doing is I control the narrative.
So I'll take your Confederate soldiers and then I'll put them in a museum of slavery and it'll be in the asshole section down the cunt wing.
My hair doesn't belong in my head.
It belongs in a museum.
He's clearly disappointed in how un-Afro-y his hair is.
I'm kind of like, if I had hair like that, this would be a good look.
Because it like falls like a longer regular type of long hair.
It's kind of cool.
Like from that far away.
It's vain and irritating.
I want to hear him talk about how they look silly.
Thank you.
Thank you.
All right, so then she says don't take down statues.
She's reasonable, rational.
We don't have time for that on this show.
We're already reasonable and rational.
And then the one in the frizzy hair talks about reparations and how important those are.
You should watch this on your own time.
It's a shit show.
But he complains about how silly they look.
We don't have to find it exactly.
But go to 3.9.
Real quick, speaking of hair, Sam recognizes that you recognize he's sexy.
Yeah, that's boring, Ryan.
Don't break that into that.
Statue, Rivera.
And look, why are you injecting that into a discussion about statues?
Because it's about hair.
Very sexy, so.
Okay, this is not your show.
It was fun.
Do 3-9.
Don't erase our history.
Very simple.
It's not even my history.
I'm Canadian and British.
I'm new to America, and I revere the country that took me in.
Oh, this is perfect.
Yeah.
So this was, I'm glad I put this right after him saying how silly they look, right?
Turn it up.
Fuck Lincoln.
I thought it was about anti-racism.
Oh, he can't stand with Indians.
You know what they've done in New York with Roosevelt?
They just covered it in plywood.
It's too heavy to lift.
So now you have this big, beautiful museum with just a series of wood boxes in front of it.
Talk about censored.tv.
Anyway.
Let's jump to the mailbag.
Short Eps this week.
Short Eps.
I don't want you to fall Out of the habit of watching this show, but I also want to experience some time with my family.
Hey, Gavin, there's an article in The Root about a black lady that collects black Santa's.
Talking about Santa after Christmas.
Although it was Kwanza yesterday.
Do you know how stupid you'd have to be to still celebrate Kwanza after it's been exposed that the guy started it was a corrupt, depraved, perverted, career criminal, scam artist?
Unlike Santa, who is literally a saint.
No, I'm not interested in saints if they're white.
I'd rather just follow some made-up shitter, a pathetic, disgusting, criminal pervert made-up.
There she is.
Wait, the one behind her is not black.
And one of them looks kind of like a Sambo, a gollywog.
You've mentioned that you don't agree with the concept or having to see it to be it, so you should like this.
Oh, sorry, he says I don't agree with the concept of see it to be it.
So you understand there's this thing where the reason they make every surgeon on TV black and they make every astronaut a woman or a black girl is because these young people need to see that in order to dream.
And they always say like, I finally someone who looks like me is on TV, which is such a weird thing to say.
My wife is a Ho-Chunk Slovak.
You know who else is a Ho-Chunk Slovak?
Her brother.
That's it on Earth.
Tia Carrera sort of looks like her, but that's not what she is.
So she never saw anyone on TV who was just like her.
She managed to live.
She managed to survive it.
It's just total shit.
Ben Carson is a brain surgeon because he saw a black brain surgeon on TV?
No.
Anyway, so here is, this is both Black Santa and See It to Be It combined into sheer idiocy.
When talking about showing the children in the community her diverse array of Santas, she's quoted saying, I think it's very important that they see and they can identify with it.
It helps them to be proud.
They can say, okay, I can be anything.
I can be anyone.
What?
No, you cannot be Santa.
He's taken.
That's a dumb dream to have as a kid.
Look at that.
She says believe on her shirt, and she doesn't believe in the myth and the legend because she can't bear the brunt of it.
Dude, why would you get tattooed by a chick with a light hand and has zero tattoos?
What do you mean a light hand?
Have you seen all my tattoos?
And no tattoos.
She's got tons of tattoos.
My whole body's covered in tattoos.
I got my first one in 1988.
How old were you, sir, in 1988?
You didn't exist.
I guarantee it.
So once again, we have a child telling an experienced old man who knows what he's doing that he's doing it wrong.
You guys aren't great on reading books.
You're not great on work, but you're good on confidence.
I think the millennials have reached a...
Their tank is full when it comes to confidence.
Now let's fill up the other tanks, like the information tank.
You ever hear the saying, bright, bold, and will hold?
That's because the artist hammers that shit into your skin.
And any legit artist using a tattoo machine, either one they have built themselves or another artist built, he adds.
Like, who?
What a fucking moron.
Should I respond?
I can't resist.
Hey, asshole.
I've been getting tattoos since 1988.
You weren't born then.
Maybe step back and shut the fuck up.
Respect your elders.
You utterly useless child.
There we go.
I'll make that for me personally.
Then he'll have a big long response that I won't respond to because I'm not looking for any new pals.
I saw a movie advertised on Netflix called Escape from Pretoria.
Oh, I finally saw The Governor, something a baby monster suggested.
It's pretty good.
It's kind of sloppy, which I like.
I was telling you earlier, I like reading books by cops that are bad because it feels more authentic when they're sort of grammatically sluggish and they have non-sequiturs stuck in and it feels real.
It's like if you were hearing an interview with a criminal, you wouldn't want it to be perfectly polished.
It wouldn't feel authentic.
Similarly, a documentary about a bare knuckle boxer who had a film career towards the end, Lenny McLean, you want it to be a little rough around the edges.
And so it's very flattering.
It talks about how he was the toughest, the hardest man in Britain, but he also was a bit nuts.
And the son, who's my exact age, confronts that, and that was cool.
But yeah, it's a great movie.
You should check it out.
It's really hard to find, though.
I had to use a couple cheats to get it.
And it's GUV Apostrophe N-O-R.
Anyway, I saw a movie advertised on Netflix called Escape from Pretoria.
I thought, oh, cool, a jailbreak movie.
Should be good entertainment.
I only got about two minutes in before I had To shut it off.
Is this the Pretoria one?
Yep.
We don't plan on staying that long.
It's 20 foot high.
The bomb wire suffers every South Africa.
Everybody comes in here and I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Okay, so they're worried.
Oh, wait, the guards are all white, too, right?
What are they worried about?
Making blacks look bad?
It starts off immediately talking about what pieces of shit white people are during apartheid and even utters the phrase, I had to use my white privilege for good.
Then it shows him and his white buddy planting bombs.
I shut it off at this point because I could see where it's going.
The preview showed them in prison, so obviously the main story is them escaping from prison.
The filmmakers are trying to make us sympathetic to these characters.
It's pretty disturbing, the obvious message they're sending out.
If you're white, you have privilege.
We are in modern-day apartheid, and you must use that white privilege to do something radical and violent to send a message and fight for the black struggle.
When you do this, you will be viewed as a hero.
You may end up killing people and go to prison, but don't worry, you're a hero.
Yeah, it's sort of like Nelson Mandela.
I mean, he killed or was responsible for the bombings that killed hundreds of people.
Eh.
Remember, I told you that story?
I was at my local bar, some fucking nerdy dads who were both divorced with young kids, which I'm sorry, that's a sign of failure.
Ari the rugged man has his shirt that says, the good dad, co.
No.
If your kid's like three or four and you're divorced, you're not a good dad.
You fucked up.
I understand there's extraneous circumstances.
Maybe when she gets older, but you couldn't last three years.
Max and John are doing four years.
By the way, baby monsters, I can't thank you enough for writing to Max and John.
John has, John sent to Zenoa a box this big of all letters from all over the world, Africa, Russia, all over Europe.
He has more than one letter where it's the guy's last letter before he dies, which is, as Larry David points out in Curb Your Enthusiasm, fourth stage cancer wisdom.
And it's people going, I have brain cancer.
I'm not going to be around for next month.
Don't bother writing back.
I won't get it.
I'll be dead.
But I want you to know that you're an inspiration and, you know, times are tough.
Sometimes you'll get through this, blah, blah, blah.
More than one.
Ayo, I found this old video of you and Ryan.
Was that from a compound?
What would that be on?
This is just entitled Mailbag.
It's too down from the last one.
Oh, gotcha.
Yeah.
I don't read spam.
What does that mean?
Well, the next one below the one we just read is New York Times.
Okay, this is rude.
Which one am I?
Which one is you?
That's you.
You're the one with the Doctor Who shirt.
I'm like this.
That's your hair.
That's me.
Oh, you blew it.
Surprise, surprise.
I'm frustrated.
You can't believe you screwed up again.
I tell you to put it in the bowl.
Notice I don't even break the yoke.
Your yoke is shattered.
Inconsistency.
He said sorry.
Oh, sorry.
What is wrong to you?
No, and he's going to fix the problem.
Maybe that's you.
I'm fixing the problem by stopping it from spreading.
So that's both you.
No.
Because I don't think I'd get a rag and assist with a solution.
That's me right there.
Look at me.
Look up.
How many times have I had to do that?
Okay.
You didn't do so great.
Ben, Ben.
Ew!
Ben!
Uh.
Why do people say ooh?
I know this isn't your average Joe, but what's gross about an egg when you're about to eat it?
Cat, cat.
Thraw.
All right, last letter.
This one's called Done for a While.
It's a few down.
Haven't watched for months since I realized you're a pussy.
I turned my siblings onto your show years ago.
She texted me.
I guess his siblings went from a bunch of people to just one.
She texted me that Ryan quit and she was happy for him.
Maybe it's a joke.
So in that case, it's hysterical.
Dot, dot, dot.
Not.
Okay.
If not, good for Ryan.
You're, spelled wrong, old and boring.
Comma.
No need for a comma there.
And safe.
Sincerely, Z. Okay, one more.
You can't leave off on one of those.
This guy always writes in after I eat on the mic.
Now, after 24 hours, I have to eat at some point, right?
He says, if you fucking eat another meal into your microphone, I will cancel my sub.
I love that threat.
You know, when people thought that you quit, or maybe you did quit, there was eight people who were threatening to cancel their subs.
They didn't, but they threatened to.
Eight out of 25,000?
I don't care.
One out of 25,000.
You guys always do this.
You're like, I'm this close to canceling my sub.
Like, I'm going to be going, no, no, no, please stop, stop.
We lost more subs when I said, I don't like dogs.
What little sense do you have that you think people want to listen to your chewing?
It's in my fucking ears, and it's nasty fucking chewing, exclamation mark.
Get a cough, spelled C-A-U-G-H.
Get a cough button or figure something else or you can get fucked.
Bye-bye.
Thanks for calling.
Amazingly similar.
Excuse me.
Very similar tone to the first angry letter.
You didn't say wimpers would.
The Jeopardy game with Maddie.
What are you, a whimper?
Well, that one you actually.
I wim.
That one you didn't win.
Hey, Maddie, you want to pull up some hard words for us to spell and me and Gavin do a spelling bee?
No.
What?
Come on, man.
I can't.
Talk to him on your super.
I can't speak.
You just spoke.
We got calls.
Let's do some calls.
I don't hear any eating.
Let's do some calls.
I think we should do a story time.
I want to tell my New Orleans story.
Okay.
Who this?
Tom?
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Bad news.
Bad news.
Oh, no.
Good news.
Good news.
Okay, we're out of time.
That's an hour's show.
Let's do the final video.
This dude is joking around with his friend.
And remember, just like I said earlier, I said earlier that they get rid of the patriarchy.
We're no longer in control.
We don't call the shots.
And they call their own shots.
And what do they do?
They maim themselves.
They also don't seem to have a limit to how far they will go in this self-maiming.
And as they self-maim, they self-harm, they, that's a good name for the show, self-harm.
As they self-harm, they get more and more indignant.
Like, remember that dude who said, it's ma'am.
Remember the guy at GameStop screaming?
Because the guy didn't purposely misgender it.
He could tell it was a dude.
Sorry, you have a pink sweatshirt on and slightly long hair.
So do lots of dudes.
And you are a dude, so I thought you were a dude.
Anyway, check out 9-2.
This guy with the...
So I forget what they're...
So he's at Auto Stop.
He's buying...
He's buying, I don't know, what is he buying?
Turn it up.
$10 on spark plugs or bank crash.
Spark plugs.
Driving face, zoom.
Say driving face.
Driving bait.
Oh, my God.
What?
Zoom in.
What is that ass?
Those have got to be balloons, right?
That can't be.
Or maybe it's some kind of underwear that has foam in it.
First of all, I refuse to believe that he's had an operation to make those.
I'm sorry.
No way.
And it can't be balloons because the second he'd sit down and they pop.
So he bought foam panties with an insane ass.
What is that?
Do you think you're attractive?
Look at that.
Bring back Archie Bunker right now.
And then 9-3, we get an update.
I think he's angry about his butt cheeks being on film.
It's too early in the morning for that.
Oh, my God.
Hey, yell out, dry-face for me.
I like, too, how they go, we're women, and the first thing they do is want to get aggressive and kick the shit out of you.
You know, like the way men do when they get ridiculed.
Like that dude, Zoe Tour, who was debating Ben Shapiro, and she said, you're going to go home in an ambulance.
Because Ben doubted the validity of the guy's femaleness.
And then everyone pointed out, you don't go home in an ambulance.
You go to the hospital in an ambulance.
Anyway, the worst thing for the oppressed, the unusual, the maligned, the oppressed groups, as they're called, is for us to get out of the way and let them handle their own business because it's like giving a five-year-old keys to the car.
They don't know how to drive.
And they're driving each other insane.
They're driving each other to suicidal decisions like cut your tits off.
So I'm afraid we're going to have to continue with the patriarchy for now because as we learned from pre-Christianity paganism, matriarchies lead to a lot of deaths, a lot of sacrificing babies, sacrificing virgins.
When everyone is right, nobody's right.
When everyone is racist, no one's racist.
When everyone is wrong, no one is wrong.
And a world without standards is no world at all.
So we're going to prevent them from ruining Earth.
And if that means we get in trouble or get fired, fine.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
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