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July 30, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:52:16
S04E15 - BABY MONSTERS
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Time Text
I came to church to praise all love.
Oh, live from New York.
It's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGinnis.
I said it was a lover's team.
Didn't trust my own feels.
Let someone else behind my wheel.
Said it was love driving me.
But the only one who should seriously meet it.
They see me in a red dress, popping on the deathbed.
What are you doing here?
They see me in a red dress, popping on the deathbed.
See me in a red dress.
She sings like a man doing a woman's voice.
Hello, I'm a lady.
I'm wearing a red dress.
But yeah, that sounds like a rip-off.
Sucking on a tailpipe, sitting on a headlight.
That chorus sounds like a popular country song.
Yeah.
You think it's Taylor Swift?
I think it's Taylor Swift red.
Wait, she has a song called Red?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, Red Dress, Red.
Loving you was hella, watching you was tailpipe.
Talking on a headlight, fucking on a headlight.
Alright, not this part.
Here we go.
No, that's not it.
That's impressive that she can play guitar and sing at the same time.
She's a great songwriter.
Very talented young lady.
Remember, we were all supposed to feel sorry for her because she sold her publishing?
Oh, yeah.
Sorry?
I was young.
Yeah, but your dad wasn't.
And you got a shit ton of money.
I know, but now I want it back.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Look at all my student debt I signed up for.
I owe a quarter of a million.
Yeah, that was dumb.
You shouldn't have bought a Ferrari, Ninkum Poop.
Sucking on your tailpipes.
Sucking on a tailpipe.
Hanging with my hot wife.
So I'm watching that video, and I don't know much about music.
You look at my, you can see my taste on this show is terrible.
I like punk.
But why is that song so bad?
There's mathematical reasons why.
She's off key.
So the actual structure of the song is fine.
There's some guy out there who made this whole video happen just to fuck that chick.
And a producer who got a beach for the production.
But didn't one person go, uh, Sandy, this sounds really, really bad?
Well, that's true.
Does Dharman produce music videos now, too?
Oh, they did a highs and lows kind of thing right there.
But there's two of her.
And he's like, nah.
I know that's me, but nah.
So that's a little joke they throw at the end there so she can say she was just kidding the whole time?
Click on her other.
Does she have other songs that are just as bad?
Fantasy.
Official music.
She's brand new.
So she's the new Fridays girl.
I had a fantasy about you and me being in love.
After the midnight up, feeling everything to the moon and you suck.
Thinking of you.
Holy shit.
So why?
See, this is where I get confused.
I know that sounds terrible.
I have earholes.
But why?
What's mathematically is wrong with it?
Is that off-key too?
She's off-key.
So what does off-key even mean?
Like, okay, let's see.
If we get an instrumental of a song.
Here, you sing it in key.
I am a guy and I'm loving you.
Right.
Now if we do a song that sounds like the song you made up this morning, One Headlight.
This is the karaoke version.
I'm going to sing on key for one bar and then I'll sing off key.
So long ago I don't remember when.
It's when they say I lost my only off-key now.
Well they could have died easy of a broken heart disease as it listens to the cemetery tree.
I can't sing off.
Now I'm just hitting different notes.
You're so good.
I'm so good.
I wrote a song this morning in Ryan's car and it's really good.
You want to hear it?
Oh, I can't wait.
Oh, man.
That's good.
When I call at you, when I don't at you, when I don't ban a thinking that I miss you.
Yeah.
Pretty good.
See, they didn't do the miss you part, but I mean.
Yes.
Unfortunately, I had heard that song earlier in the day.
What is the song?
One Headlight by the Wallflowers.
It was playing like as you were recording.
No, I was listening to it.
Then I went into the mechanics.
And then I had a song in my head the entire time I was putting down the deposit and talking about the wheels.
And then I was shocked that I came up with such a great chorus and forgot that I just had a song in my head from your car.
It was playing very low, but here's the part.
they didn't do the I miss you part.
And think about that's probably stolen from somewhere else.
Just like my fucking, can you imagine if the races were reversed?
The only good thing I've ever come up with, and then we find out it's hockey night in Canada.
Fuck.
Well, don't forget about the You Can't Mess Around with That Petty Bone.
You can't start a fight with the Pettybone.
You can't start a fight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Yeah, that's a good song.
Yeah, that is a good one.
You're right.
Thank you, Ryan.
That feels really good.
And then there was, of course, Did You Get Shot When Your Hot Got Caught in the Dog?
You don't even have a stop.
That's awesome.
And you.
And you.
One time, Saroosh Alvie, who co-founded Vice, was sitting at his computer and he's like, Did you get caught when you hot got caught in the dog?
He goes, What is that song again?
And I'm like, That's my hit.
Yeah.
You're singing one of my top hits.
Just like you be singing highs and lows sometimes.
Oh, I sing highs and lows all the time.
You don't know the words.
You call it ups and downs.
How can I give you my heart if I can't take your word?
Dooba-da-da-da, the dooba-dad-dird.
Yeah.
The song is a fucking dird.
Speaking of unbelievably bad music, some, we got to come up with a name for our guys.
Like, Lady Gaga has little monsters, right?
Well, we have a little monster on the show every Thursday.
Bait, we have a baby monster.
Maybe we should just call him our guys baby monsters.
That's cool.
Okay, that's so.
A baby monster.
I wonder if he'll be mad about that.
I'm the baby monster.
What the fuck are you calling other people baby monster?
No, when he's mad, he says, my man.
My man.
Why are you calling other people baby monster?
What the fuck's going on there?
He lost 360 bucks the other day, and he lost his shit along with the money, comes into the bar, locks the door.
Whoa.
And yells to the bar, no one is fucking leaving this place until I get my fucking money.
I'm running everyone's pockets.
Damn.
And then he went through everyone's pocket in the bar.
And I think what happened was he doesn't keep his wallet in his pants because it's bad for his back.
What the fuck?
Yeah, when you sit on it, it hurts your back.
I took my wallet out too.
You take your wallet out every time you sit down?
What planet are we on?
So your wallet's outside of your pants right now?
Planet Big Wallet.
Yeah, it's right here.
But it's a big boy, so.
I thought you had one of those stupid, like, Instagram ad wallets that you can take keys and credit cards and it's razor-thin?
No, no.
I have a card holder for when I wear a suit.
That's it.
What?
What kind of cards?
It has your identification, your credit card, and then a money clip.
And then that's it.
And then it's just a little certificate.
So why don't you use that?
Because I have so many documents.
Documents?
You carry documents in your wallet?
Yeah.
What is your birth certificate?
My receipt for the Nintendo Switch comes with a $5 gift certificate.
So there's that.
So when I buy another game, I could go there.
Then I got a lot of cash.
I have Jamaican cash, Haitian cash, and Israeli cash.
That would come in handy.
Yeah.
Do you even have a valid passport, Mr. World Traveler?
I do.
But I've never left the country still, the continental yet.
And then I have an Epstein Didn't Kill Himself pen inside here.
A pen.
By PokePens.
No one cares a pen in their wallet, my friend.
Nobody.
It goes right in the spine.
And then I have a wall.
Yeah, and it's so small and so comfortable that all I have to do is take out my wallet every time I sit down.
Yeah.
Brilliant.
Speaking of...
So wait, he comes in the thing, he checks everybody's wallet.
That's it?
Oh, wait, sorry.
So he keeps his money in his front pocket.
And he was getting out his keys to give someone something, and I think it fell out then.
And then an African-American gentleman was sitting there, and I believe he stole it.
Was he there for the pants checking?
No, he was outside.
Everyone ran their pockets.
We all know him.
Right.
And there was no money there, obviously.
And then he gave up on that.
Never apologized.
He likes to make us like put the spotlight on himself when he's confronting everybody.
Like that's this, that's a similar part.
That's a part two of the shutting off the TVs when his porn magazine fits.
Oh, yeah.
It's the exact same thing.
Everybody.
Well, it's an announcement.
You're all in trouble until I figure out who's in trouble.
Yeah.
Well, it's an easy way to get to the bad guy, right?
You just tell the crowd they're going to get stabbed.
Right.
Yeah, that's what drill sergeants do.
They're like, we're all going to run a mile if whoever didn't fuck up comes forward.
So we had another baby monster send us this guy, and he said, my buddy's in his 20s, and he's still making music.
I keep telling him to get a trade.
What do you think?
Does he have the sprinkles?
And spoiler alert, no.
This has potential, kind of weird music, and the quality of the video is really good.
So if he's not a good artist, he definitely knows some.
That's interesting.
Johnny Gordon.
Okay, he looks kind of weird.
A lot of potential here.
Like, the lighting is cool.
Only 90% sure this is not a joke.
Is this like zombies making music?
This is after the apocalypse.
We train zombies to stop eating brains and they start having rights.
Yeah, this does seem like a thing in a zombie movie where zombies have rights.
Like, there's a cutaway.
His name is Zombie Kodak.
This is your target.
The last zombie movie I saw, the one with Tignataro saying, holy fucking shit.
They were breeding.
There was a baby.
So maybe they'd eventually make videos.
Maybe this is the baby all grown up.
Is it possible that this is what exactly they're going for?
Like the sort of...
My brain is pretty big and my imagination is pretty expansive.
I just cannot imagine anyone not thinking this is garbage.
Even in the background.
Like, remember there was that rapper?
I think he was from New Zealand.
And he was like, Zoo, Betty, we gotta get home.
We're gonna get over this.
And he was so bad that it was kind of a cool type of music.
And I could see it being played in a club and people not even noticing that what they're listening to is terrible because it had something to it.
I know what you're talking about.
Yeah, babe, you're going to get with me.
We're going to be together.
Yeah, we're going to have fun.
It's just a ramble.
He rambles.
Yeah, just rambling, mumbling.
How do we find that?
Because you're going to get into mumble rap if you say.
But before we get into that guy, do one more that he has.
Because I just went, oh, it's like comedy music, which I don't like.
Like ween, I hate ween.
I hate joke music.
It's like joking during sex.
Like, if you're having sex with a girl and there's a giant queef, you know what you do?
This.
It's not comedy time.
I don't break for queefs.
That's a t-shirt.
This one's called Vampire Killer.
You told this guy to get a trade.
I don't think he's smart enough.
I don't think I want him wiring my home.
Don't let this guy run electricity.
He's going to get zapped.
I mean, if he's making the music video, then yeah, kip it.
If this guy helped plumb your building, you're all dead.
It's going to start rotting from the inside out.
The walls are going to smell like sewage.
What trade could he do?
Does he think this sounds good?
You know what I'm sensing?
Mickey Avalon.
So Mickey Avalon's serious about what he does, but it happens to not hit the...
This is good mark.
I mean, I don't want to be too honest about this because I'm scared the guy's going to kill himself.
This is a little cruel, yes.
This is mean to him.
This is so bad that it's cruel of him to himself.
Like, this is bullying.
He's bullying himself by putting this out.
Poor kid, leave you alone.
You bully.
Stop ridiculing this poor guy.
Did he say I'm a patriot in Hollywood?
I'm a patriot in Hollywood.
Okay.
Well, now we take it back.
Now it's good.
Now that we know your MAGA, all your music's suddenly good.
Who's that?
So who's Mickey Avalon?
He's the guy who did the My Dick song.
My Dick.
Oh, yeah.
No, but that's joke music.
That's Ween.
Yeah, but he has other songs that are like serious, but it still sucks.
Same with Ween.
They have a whole country album that's serious.
Oh, I see.
But it doesn't suck.
It's good joke music that I hate.
Now I got to find that guy, though.
I know, I'm looking for him.
New Zealand rapper, Cringe.
Cringe rapper, maybe?
Cringe rapper, mumble.
Pretty sure he's from Australia or New Zealand.
Or maybe he's Armenian and American.
I remember what he looks like, so I'm on the lookout.
Vampire Killer.
When we were kids, we were in bands and we knew we sucked.
How come the kids today don't know when they suck?
You suck.
Red dress?
You suck.
Fridays?
You suck.
Vampire Killer.
You suck a vampire killer.
Okay, I want to move on, but I'm scared to change the subject.
I'm on the lookout, but...
I don't know.
To which your veil.
To which your veil?
Wait, wait, wait.
What is this?
What are you talking about?
Oh!
That looks like him.
I think you got it.
I'm so happy.
Yep.
Getting on this shit for you.
2010, baby.
It's coming straight through you.
You feel this, baby?
Coming straight through you.
See, now, if you're at a club, a very hip, cool club, cutting-edge stuff, and among all the really cool songs this came on, no one would bat an eye.
They'd just be like, oh, I haven't heard of this kind of music.
It's probably from France.
Turn it up.
And I don't know what it is right now.
But I know she wants me back.
I know she wants me back.
Why is she not?
Why are you in a hole, dude?
And I don't know what it is right now, but I know she wants me back.
I know she wants me back.
And every time I try to move on, too, I keep on stumbling back on.
Now, maybe people would start going, what the fuck is this?
What the?
What is that?
Somebody's little cousin paid the DJ 20 bucks to play their hit.
He has another one too, but the weird thing is, is he remembers all these lyrics.
This is not just spit out the top of the head because he doubles it up.
So that means he has to remember.
So there must have been a moment where he, because this went viral.
So he got recognized and he's like, yo, what's up?
And they go, holy shit, you're that hilarious, shitty guy that everyone was laughing at.
He's like, yeah.
It's a joke.
Or maybe he fought like the first two guys and then they kept coming and coming and coming.
And he had to go like, yeah, I know.
I'm really funny.
Oh, do some more jokes, funny guy.
Oh, I'm pretty tired.
I did a lot of jokes yesterday.
I'm kind of joke hungover.
Oh, that was a joke.
Can someone else carry your backpack while you're making your video, please?
All right, that's good.
Thanks to the baby monster who sent that in.
I'm not sure this baby monster thing is going to take.
This movie looks cool.
By the way, yesterday, we got a letter from a baby monster who wanted us to watch The Siege of Jardotville.
And we watched it here in the studio after the show.
And it's fucking good.
But we'll get to that another time.
This movie is a true story about some guy who was a dirtbag criminal and a great dad.
But after he got caught, he had to disappear.
Which means you're not a good dad.
Whoa, what happened to the lighting there?
Oh, that was a...
I did a fade.
Oh, thank God we know that it's MGM.
Why do they do that?
My father lusted after freedom.
The kind of freedom most free people never experience.
The suspect has been identified as John Vogul, the second largest counterfeiter in U.S. history.
Vogul printed over $22 million.
But he only spent $50,000.
They caught him before he could unleash them.
He came and went from our lives.
He always made me feel like part of a bigger world.
I'll be on the riches.
When I watched his trailer, all I could think was just, I'm a shitty dad.
I love you, baby.
You're leading me on the same heart, Dad.
You're a piece of a pot.
And through the thing.
I don't say shit like that to my daughter.
I suck.
I gotta pick her up more and swirl, spin her around.
Yeah, what are the good dad things that he does?
Like, picking them up and stuff.
Dancing with them and stuff.
Saying things that.
Having a cigarette.
Yeah.
Having a cigarette, missing a tooth.
Talking to Josh Brolin.
No, that's just something great dads do.
They have a cigarette in their mouth and a beer and like, get over here.
Yeah.
You couldn't catch this if your life depended on it.
You just start smoking cigarettes and you're like, Kevin, what are you doing?
You're like, I'm trying to be a good dad.
I'm being a good 70s dad.
Kid, you don't ever let anyone tell you what you can and can't do.
You can do anything you want.
Anything.
You see that?
That was good.
That's the sky.
There's your limit.
It's up there.
And it goes on forever.
Homeboy's getting that like, edit.
Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do.
I'm trying to be such a good dad that I get laid.
Well, that's just your fangirls on the sidelines.
You're like, I'm not trying to get laid, but thanks.
And that makes you a good dad.
Fucking tons of chicks.
No.
I want to be such a good dad that I get groupies.
They're lusting for you, but you're not.
Listen to that concept.
A guy who wants to be such a good dad that he gets tons of pussy.
Oh, no, that's just a single dad.
Yeah, okay.
Sorry.
I want to be such a good husband that I get tons of pussy from chicks.
Yeah.
That's what I'm talking about.
All right.
Sorry.
I am my father's daughter.
Come here.
The singer.
Oh, this is a good part.
I'm an entrepreneur.
Share things about your father that you don't know.
He's good at playing fuck-ups.
Just tell me the truth.
You're gonna get it when you walk a mile in my shoes.
I'm guilty for proven innocence.
Through the years, long and wearing, with you, my dreams, I will be sharing.
In whatever you choose to endeavor, I will support you forever and ever.
It's weird.
Okay, that's enough.
So that's his real daughter.
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
When I saw that trailer, I cried.
And now I'm looking at it going, this is gay.
Why am I showing this on the show?
What a waste of fucking time.
I think you're a fag in the mornings when you're hungover.
So sometimes I'll be doing my research in that state.
And then I'm like, here's a movie, guys.
It's beautiful and you're going to cry.
And it's about a dad who loves his kids and just can't be there for them as much as he wants to, like all of us.
And then, you know, sober after lunch and a beer, I'm like, what the fuck kind of faggot shit is this?
I'm bullying myself too.
I'm just like Johnny.
By the way, so that's his daughter in it.
I guess it's a coincidence that his daughter happened to be the perfect part.
But this is amid some controversy where Ben Stiller, son of Jerry Stiller, one of the most successful comedic actors of all time, said, you know, there isn't really nepotism in Hollywood.
It's basically just meritocracy.
If you're good, you make money.
And he was, of course, instantly lambasted because everyone in Hollywood is there because of nepotism.
There's some stragglers who blew their way in, but for the other 99%, including Ben Stiller himself, it's all nepotism.
Daily Mail had a whole list of them, like Gwyneth Palcho's daughter and fucking Diana Ross' daughter and fucking Angelina Jolie is John Voigt's daughter, Jennifer Anniston.
Show Friends was based on a soap opera.
And her dad was in the soap opera for like 50 years.
He grew old in front of a bunch of housewives' faces.
What a moron.
Again, we're not really mad at you for cheating.
Just don't gloat.
Like that pedophile photographer.
Okay, we are mad at him, by the way, for being a fucking pedophile.
But the fact that he's so smug after.
Just go disappear.
And Ben Stiller, you got your job from your daddy.
Fine, fine, whatever.
Now go hide.
Don't go bragging about how no one ever helped you And you made it here on your own.
That's fucking horseshit.
In other news, let's do some LGBT.
Let's do the intro and then the cool background.
Did that guy send us his new background yet?
The new racism one we got.
So that one's physics.
Actually, wait, that happens in the future.
Oh, yeah.
That doesn't matter.
Why are you lying?
I felt ugly.
I felt gay.
And then we fell in love.
And then they eat them pooping.
And we have a very good relationship.
I don't like the fucking.
You don't want to see the closed-up picture of my haters.
You hate gay.
You ugly.
Homophobe alert.
Amazing.
Good stuff.
One thing all of, like, there's gays that we grew up with, like YMCA Village People, Rob Halford, Queen, Freddie Mercury.
Those were just people who happened to like dicks.
And we didn't hear much about it.
In fact, a lot of us never even registered.
Liberace would be on talk shows, and they'd ask him if he has a special girl in his life.
So these new gays, I don't think are gay.
I think it's people that are boring.
Like Elliot Page is a lesbian who toured the world via my old company, Vice, doing the show Gay Caitian.
And she, that's some currency, especially in other countries.
You say you're gay in Mexico, a Maricón.
You say you're gay in the Middle East, you're fucking dead.
It's a capital offense, the Caribbean.
So she was like, yeah, I'm fucking living life on the edge.
And then Juicy Smoulay comes out and she starts crying on Colbert about hate crimes and how hard it is to be gay.
But then she looks around and she goes, everyone's fucking gay.
It's boring to be gay.
So now she goes into like, I'm a dude, cuts her tits off trying to keep her currency.
Similarly, you have all these straight white middle class people who hate themselves because school tells them they suck constantly.
This is still pretty distracting.
And they go, I want to be interesting.
I wish I was a race.
And that's why we have our ADT guy wishing that he was more than just 4% Native American.
And so they go, I'm multifaceted.
Oh my God.
I'm not even a woman.
They started with I'm a woman.
And now they're like, I'm all these different creatures.
And then this guy, he vacillates from male to female during the day.
And he explains, a lot of people are going to be cynical about how fast he changes, but he explains why here.
Hi, everybody.
It's your friendly female alter art.
And in today's video, we will be switching.
Me and Alex will be switching out who is in front and now just as a disclaimer, every system is going to switch differently.
And every switch in every system is going to look differently.
Just because me and Alex can switch very fast does not mean every alter in our system can switch this fast.
Please give us a like because I know we're going to get called fake for this.
All right, here it goes.
Please give us a like.
Doesn't that sum it up?
Yo, what's up?
Hey everyone, it's Alex from the A system.
The reason me and Art can switch so quickly is because we've been in the system the longest.
We've both been in the system since early childhood.
We have switched tens of thousands of times.
Not all the switches in our system are that smooth.
For example, the switch between me and Asher is a lot longer than that.
Thank you.
Hi, everybody.
It's your friendly email.
Can you like that?
Let's give that a like.
Okay.
I like that.
There's your like.
You happy now, bitch?
I don't like art.
I like Alex.
So when I go over there and I go, hey, man, is Alex around?
And she goes, I don't think so.
I go, come on.
I want to talk to Alex.
Okay, what's going on, dude?
I go, hey, man, what's up?
Glad that fucking bitch art is gone.
Is she a chick, by the way?
And he's like, nah, she's just a fag.
And I thought this was interesting.
I'd never really noticed this before, but someone pointed out that these people are always alone.
Have you noticed how lonely they are?
I've noticed this with Sarah Silverman and Chelsea Handler, and I think they're starting to notice it.
I'm noticing a, oh, farts.
What are some key things I could look up from that tweet?
Oh, was this girl explaining her pronouns?
It was called libs posting their L's or something, but I don't think that'll be it.
Wow.
So they got banned?
Yeah, I guess they got banned.
Fuck.
But she was saying sometimes she's he, she, and then other days she changes, and the way to know if it's going to be a change is to check for this, then that.
This is.
This isn't the one, but I mean, they're all the same, right?
And look, they're always alone.
So I would suggest that you do your co-op.
It was a TikTok, right?
Yeah.
But you just show that one.
They're all the same, and they're always alone.
So it's not just boring people that wish they were interesting.
It's lonely people that wish they were interesting.
And that's why they're lonely.
Because they're boring and self-obsessed.
Hey, hey, lesbian.
I don't get it.
Can someone please explain it to me so I can like understand?
Hello, my name's Phoebe.
I use Neymar.
Whoa, did she cut her wrists and she's doing a video and making sure you see her bandages?
Go back.
Was mental illness this prominent when I was a kid?
Look, she has to get her bandages in the shot.
Yeah, nobody does that hand thing normally.
Yeah, she just wants to show them off.
I did cut, sure.
A lot of you have noticed and have been asking me.
Meanwhile, nobody did.
Is it raining out today?
Go back to her, though.
Hello, my name's Phoebe.
I use pronouns primarily, and he, him is sort of like a secondary pronoun, and I'm a lesbian.
So somebody tagged me in this.
Nice to meet you.
Pronouns do not equal gender, and that's like the whole thesis statement and the answer to your question, basically.
Like digging a little deeper into that, though.
Lots of lesbians have complicated relationships with gender for all kinds of various reasons.
Lesbians who were socialized as women and are not attracted to men like have a really weird experience in patriarchal society and like the male gaze and like all of these things.
So it's very common to feel like incredibly disconnected from womanhood as a concept.
Anyone?
Another one?
Alone.
Okay, I can't look at that anymore.
I've had enough.
I'm going to wager that we've never been this crazy.
This is the craziest we've ever been.
What do you think?
Dude, it's bad.
I mean, I'm just scrolling through that same video here.
And just the amount of cosplay, mental illness, narcissism.
Like just damaged narcissists.
Yeah, this is what social media has done to a generation.
When I was a teenager, if you took out a camera and started photographing people, it was just annoying.
They'd go, fuck off, stop.
There'd maybe be one guy who had a camera in a dark room, but he would go to shows and take pictures of bands.
He wouldn't be always catching people on their couch.
I mean, I guess there would be some kids who took like photography in high school and they'd have the artsy-fartsy pictures of their friends, but it's everywhere now.
I think it probably has to do with fatherlessness.
I think pretending you're a woman in a video game is fucking up the genders.
And constant porn this past year has been a porn festival.
Every time you shake hands with someone who works from home, you're shaking hands with penis skin.
That guy just beat off.
I'm telling you, the amount of wanking, like no wonder, what's his name?
Jeffrey Toobin got caught.
Everyone's beating off 24 hours a day.
Stop it.
Get your hands out of your pants, you fucking perverts.
You smell like dick cheese.
And it's all, I think it's adding to rampant gayness.
Like, look at this.
1-7.
This is the level of faggotry we're experiencing here in New York post-pandemic, pre-pandemic, too.
Wait, what's this?
Yeah, there we go.
That's Washington Square Park right by NYU.
He's shooting water in his heiny, yeah.
That's really bad diarrhea.
That's me on my tushy.
My tushy bidet.
Yeah.
Well, at least he's clean.
And then I thought this one was funny, too.
This guy is such a diva that he stops for no one.
Look out, boys.
I'm too sexy for my taser.
It's best to, right before he gets it, he really gets his stride.
There must be times as a cop where you're sort of going, you're like, oh, I put your, put your hands behind your back.
And then someone goes, are you laughing, officer?
No, I'm trying not to cry.
God.
Back in the good old days, you could joke about stuff like that.
Go to jump to 2-0.
This was some good news.
This is loosely linked to homosexuality.
Man found dead with the words, I touch little girls, written on chest.
Damn.
I mean, gays are disproportionately linked to pedophilia, but this isn't a case of that.
I thought it was.
Isn't that great news?
That guy, John, from the office, who also was John Wick, not John Wick, but he's also in those adventure movies.
You know the guy?
John Creacher?
Yeah.
John Krasinski.
John Krasinski.
He has a show called Good News.
It's a YouTube show he does with his kids, and it's all like, a kitten was saved from a tree.
This should be in his Good News segment.
Hey, a pedophile was murdered.
Doo-doo-doop-da-doop-doop.
Beep.
Let's see the article.
Yeah.
Today, with John Krasinski, they killed a fucking pedophile.
No need for taxes.
No need for courtrooms.
No need for nothing.
It's been handled.
What does it say?
An elderly Staten Allen man was found dead in a multifamily house with the words, I touched little girls written in marker on his chest.
Robert Raynor, 80, was that 80?
Was located by emergency medical crew in the hallway of Tompkinsville and blah, blah, blah, blah.
The law enforcement source told the advance the message was written in black ink, and it was unclear who wrote it, why, or whether it was written before or after Raynor died.
Yeah, that's not giving us any details, dude.
On the foot, he also had the words, I touch, written on one foot when discovered by police.
So maybe they just tried starting there, and they were like, nah, what's not really an attention grabber?
Huh.
Yeah.
So that got me looking up pedophile vigilantes or sorry, vigilantes who kill pedophiles.
And I discovered this case from the 80s, 19.
Marianne Bachmeyer, Germany's revenge mother, who shot her child's killer in the middle of his trial.
So I guess they didn't do metal detectors back in Germany in the 80s.
And in the middle of the courtroom, she just goes, he murdered her seven-year-old daughter.
She murdered him.
Sounds good to me.
More good news.
Here on John Krasinski's great news.
And she had leather pants on when she did it.
You can't beat that.
Only Germans can pull off recreational leather pants.
Yeah.
Can you imagine I had on leather pants right now and didn't say anything?
Yeah, you'd have to be like slash or above.
Yeah, unless you just stepped off a motorcycle, leather pants are impossible to pull off.
And also, I assume they're boiling fucking hot.
Oh, yeah.
Wasn't that an episode of Friends?
Her sentence divides the country.
What division?
Between pedophiles and non-pedophiles?
They should have had a trial.
They got the right guy.
Alright, let's have some fun and jump over to my pet Biden.
Alright.
Yes, I did it.
I shot and flusen him.
Are you mad?
You mad, bro?
You mad, Broseph?
You mad, mine guy?
Mein Dudas.
Mein Dudas.
Biden.
On him I can depend.
Biden.
A monster of the president.
He's big and loose.
Sleepy.
But a friendly monster too.
My pet.
Biden.
Wait, what?
That doesn't rhyme.
He's at it again.
So, my cute little senile old grandpa, Mr. Magoo, who I think is going to make it to 2024, but it'll be like crawling towards the finish line.
You know, you see those marathons where it's some woman on her hands and knees just trying to get to the end and she's four hours late?
That's going to be 2024.
Like they'll say, so, Mr. President, how do you feel about losing the second election of your term?
Your second term.
And he's just going to go, oh, all kinds of bananas are aimed directly.
Not bananas, but it is bananas.
But anyway, I probably said too much.
No, not even close to that.
Like her, there we go.
There's Biden in 2023.
She leads him by about four car lengths.
That's going to fuck up your knees, ladies.
Stop.
What a scene right there.
She was awarded.
Hey man.
Hey, man.
She was exactly like Biden there.
So anyway, this is ancient news now, but he's at some, I don't know, truck factory, and they're looking at a beautiful 18-wheeler, and he gets caught up in the moment, and he goes, yeah, I used to drive one of these.
What?
When were you a trucker?
Did you deliver Fresh Direct in a sprinter van?
It's Peapod, man.
Yeah.
Corn Pop and I used to travel the country.
I'd sleep, he'd drive.
Corn pop.
I'd drive, he sleeps.
No, Peapop.
Not 18-wheeler.
I used to be in an 18-wheeler.
And then the defense people use is, they go, no, no, he rode in one.
He misspoke.
And he rode in one because he gets to know the people.
And Trump doesn't know any people, which is just horseshit.
No one's more connected to the working class than Donald Trump.
He worked with them, literally, for years.
And you notice this when he talks about the unions and inside jokes.
Yeah, there's the steam fitters.
They'll be checking out at 2 p.m.
And no one gets the jokes, but blue-collar guys go, yeah, classic steam fitters, Don.
Classic steam fitters.
There's a plumbing crew.
They'll probably be building a potato gun on their own downtime.
Am I right?
Yeah, we do do that.
We do do.
Let me hear it.
Man.
Oh, I wish.
And anyway.
And if I used to drive an 18-wheeler, man.
Oh, I wish.
I forgot to.
Hold on.
I used to drive an 18-wheeler, man.
Oh, yeah?
And then he has time to say, no, no, Ryden.
And he goes, yeah, I had to.
Had to.
Had to to pay the bills.
Your mandatory 18-wheeler ride.
But he, I think his first job in politics was when he came out of the womb.
He's been doing this for 50 years.
When did you have a chance to become a trucker?
I had to to make ends meet.
Back in Scranton, PA.
The other thing they do, too, is they, I noticed, I saw it when this was big on Twitter that people were saying, oh yeah, Trump dodged the draft to Vietnam.
Who the fuck wouldn't?
And by saying he had bone splints, he's not brave.
Yeah, I'm not brave enough to go to Vietnam.
Are you?
Would anyone?
And Biden deferred the draft, the Vietnam draft, exactly as many times as Trump did.
Or maybe even more.
So that's a non-issue.
22, the White House is having trouble defending this allegation or lie.
What the fuck's going on?
Something's going up with your computer, guy.
White House, I love this word, struggles to defend Biden claim that he used to drive an 18-wheeler.
Look at his face.
That person is lost.
That person is totally confused.
He's like, you know when you're super duper blackout drunk and you're like, am I in a parking lot or am I at work?
That's sad.
You know, he got booed thoroughly in his hometown.
Oh, in Scranton?
Yep.
Have you seen this new commercial going around?
The Biker ad?
It's for, I don't know what he's running for.
Mayor of Scranton PA or something?
Congressman?
I don't know that stuff.
But it's a very popular ad that's gone viral.
Look up Biker Scranton political ad fire.
Benny Johnson said it ripped his face off.
I have a feeling Benny Johnson made it.
He seems to be very enthusiastic about things he had something to do with.
Let's see.
So it's on Benny Johnson's Instagram.
No, you should already have found it by now, Ryan.
Mayor or Scranton PA political ad biker.
And don't say ad, say commercial.
Ad.
We'll just wait here.
You can show.
No.
Biker, Scranton, PA, political, commercial.
Cut out mayor.
And now go to videos.
Are Scranton for Biden commercial?
No, no, no.
Might be on Benny Johnson's Instagrams.
Yeah, it probably is.
Let's check him out.
So, guys, I know I've been talking about Biden for a long time, but this is getting crazy.
Oh, click on that one where Biden looks like a lunatic.
So any Biden picture?
Sorry.
I have to compliment Republican Senimar leader, Mitch McConnell.
Oh, God.
He had made a political encourage people to get vaccinated and continue to do so?
And the state's in pretty good shape.
Alabama Republican governor, K. Ivy, recently spoke out to encourage vaccination.
And even the commentators on facts who have been belittling it.
On facts?
On facts?
I am not going to take advice from a fing three-year-old that can't stay.
Even facts.
He called Fox News facts.
Wow.
And you know what he does with sentences?
He reads things and he stops mid-sentence and then barrels through the period.
So a lot of people have said they don't want to get the vaccine and that's because it's really hard to do actually.
Pull up an article or go back to Benny Johnson's thing, his Instagram, and hopefully there'll be a...
Yeah, okay, look at that tweet.
Walk into the Capitol without a mask and you'll be arrested.
So this is what Joe Biden does.
He goes, walk into the Capitol without a mask and you'll be arrested.
Cross our border illegally with COVID and you'll get a bus.
Take it to the city of your choice.
He doesn't even know that you have to go walk into the Capitol without a mask and you'll be arrested.
Cross our border illegally with COVID and you'll get a bus.
Take it to the city of your choice.
He just goes, walk into the capital.
And I bet it's because his vision is gone.
So the font is size a million.
So the teleprompter says, walk into the Capitol without a mask.
So as it's scrolling, he's like, walk into the Capitol without a mask.
And you will be there tomorrow.
But yeah, let's go back to his Instagram to find that political campaign ad.
Dupa Da, Dupa Dee, Dupa Doo, Dupa Dee, Dupa Do, Dupa Dee, Dupa Dee.
Boy, we're really going back now.
Fudge, we can't find it.
Is it super new?
Yeah.
I don't think it's this far back.
What are you doing now?
Maybe it's on a story.
Oh, this is not making for very good TV.
John Fetterman?
Yeah.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
There it goes.
No?
Right?
Smashing the face.
What was the burning the face thing you mentioned?
Yeah, just because it has the word face in it.
No, it's a whole ad.
It's like 30 seconds, and it's not that good.
And I'm getting mad that we're wasting so much fucking time on this bullshit.
By the way, did you see the news that the guy who confronted Tucker Carlson and said he's the worst thing in the world, worst thing for our country, worst thing for our state, worst thing for our town, and what you're doing to humanity?
This is the thing that they do.
They have this vernacular that is like little kid talk.
Like when Judd Appetow said Tucker and I were the worst humanity has to offer.
Like that's how you talk when you're a sullen teen.
How's it going?
Terrible.
I want the entire earth to die.
My teacher is the worst thing available to humanity.
That's how they talk.
But it turns out that that dude has CIA ties.
Damn.
Uh-oh.
I got it.
It's in the separate.
You sent that in a separate email.
Yes.
And it is right here.
Man who confronts Tucker Carlson faces conspiracies about being a CIA operative.
A conspiracy theorist is once again citing an unnamed White House source.
So this is a skeptical publication.
Justin, the White House knew about the Tucker confrontation.
The entire setup was planned out in advance per White House official.
Yeah, the Daily Dot's full of shit.
What a strange link to send about that.
But yeah, this guy who does the tour guides is linked to this CIA-funded outdoorsy thing.
Go back.
So NASA, yeah, there we go.
This is kind of odd.
So the NSA got caught spying on Tucker when he just happened to bump into this Montana man with CIA Connects.
So click on those pictures.
Keep going.
It's not every day you get to tell someone they're the worst.
Daily Dar Bailey MT, okay?
Yeah, yep.
Wait, I skipped one.
There we go.
Board member of the Asia Foundation Securing Our Future project.
During his first field season, Dan performed numerous rivers assessments across Mongolia with American scientists.
So he works for the Asia Foundations.
And now we'll go to the next one.
He's a river ecologist.
The Asia Foundation proposed improvements.
Memorandum from the CIA to the 303 committee subject, the Asia Foundation, proposed improvements in funding procedures.
He works for a CIA-funded foundation.
And while Tucker was bitching about the CIA bitching, pointing out that the CIA was tracking him, he gets caught by or accosted by a CIA operative.
Yep.
Too true, JD Vance.
So to the guy that sent me that story, why would you send me a daily dot link?
I know what you're going to say.
You're going to say, well, no, I just looked it up.
You could have looked it up too.
Terrible excuses.
We still need to find that fucking ad, dude.
True.
Here, I'm going to do it.
Something's done, you got to do it yourself.
Want something done right, you got to ask a busy person.
That's the only way anything gets done in this fucking town.
Like, I'll bet you forgot about Katie Hopkins' trailer for her show.
Right?
I just saw that email yesterday.
That just came in, right?
So you have forgotten about it.
Forgotten?
You forgot about it recently.
It happened yesterday.
Maybe he's not an actual biker.
there it is.
That's better, Teddy.
Look at you now.
See, if you don't do it our way, we won't back you.
We pick who wins and loses around here.
I hate these rich turds.
You know what?
I'm not doing this fake, phony, elitist BS.
It's not me.
I don't need you, and I'm not going to let you clowns muscle me.
I'm not doing this for you.
What the heck?
I'm Teddy Danes, and I'm running for Congress in Stranton, Pennsylvania.
You know.
Dude, if you have a shirt that says America first, then wear that shirt in your commercial, because right now we see Eerie IRS.
That's confusing, and it's distracting.
Anyway, minor flaw.
Joe Biden's hometown, I despise swappy sellout politicians, and that's exactly why I'm running.
I'm tired of these elitist suits who have sold out our country, and something needs to be done about it.
These establishment sellouts are completely out of touch with real America.
They are nothing more than bought and paid-for hacks who sell out America and the individual freedoms and liberties of everyday people like you and me.
Hell, they'll even eat their own for a dollar.
They don't care about protecting your freedom of speech, your right to bear arms, or even Alexa security.
They're more concerned about appeasing the left than they are standing up for us.
Time to bring out the big guns.
And the big guns are the millions of men and women in this country who feel as though their voices aren't being heard.
I'll be your voice.
I did my part.
I served our country in the U.S. Army.
I survived gunfights with Taliban terrorists in Afghanistan.
And they gave me a purple heart.
If I was willing to risk my life for freedom, when I was deployed overseas, you know I will take the fight to the enemies of this nation in the halls of Congress.
We are at a pivotal moment in American history.
If we don't act now, we could lose our freedom forever.
They used to say socialism was at the door.
Well, now, it's in the building and coming down the hallway.
It's time for we the people to take our country back from corrupt swamp creatures in both parties.
I'm in this fight for my family, and I'm in this fight for your family.
I've been a fighter my whole life.
This is a fight that I won't walk away from, and I've never backed down from anyone or anything in a fight.
Send me to Congress so I can be your voice.
Kid looks pretty young, Teddy.
What took you so long?
Yeah, that was a good ad.
I thought it was a little corny at the beginning, but then I started to get pumped.
A lot of Trump dog whistles there, too.
Like what?
Trump stickers, people with Trump hats?
Oh, little Easter eggs.
Yeah, Easter eggs.
He's so right, though, about how socialism is in the building.
The communists always said they would take us over from the inside out.
And as my buddy Tony was saying yesterday, they have.
They did.
They've won.
When you have...
Okay, the number one mantra.
It says, fuck your feelings in his head.
Nice.
The number one mantra for the communists is, you're racist.
You're racist.
Now, why is that?
Because it's good at controlling white people.
Blacks are already controlled.
They have the military-industrial complex.
They have the drug war.
So they're already kept under the boot.
And they're voting Democrat.
They're easily controlled.
They're done.
But we need something that can control whites and Asians, I guess.
And so what we do with them is we make them feel bad about themselves and we put this terror on them.
We say, you're racist, you're racist, you're racist.
And they're constantly dodging that bullet, going, no, I'm not.
No, I'm not.
I'll do anything.
To the point where they're sending themselves to re-education camps.
Like that guy who said, yes, I am racist, but I'm going away to a center to learn how to de-racism myself.
So it's like self-imposed communism.
And then what are our top brass saying?
We've got the director of the American military saying that white supremacy is the number one problem in America right now.
We've got the FBI and the CIA saying that domestic terrorism from patriots is the number one problem.
We've got hundreds of people in solitary confinement right now because they dared to vandalize and trespass on the Capitol.
And they've turned that into some sort of insurrection.
They've turned a meandering into an insurrection.
That's all communist.
That's all socialism.
That's all out of Chairman Mao's little red book.
We're living in it now.
Look at the judges that John and Max were set up with.
Three black women, the Asian guy left.
So three radical leftist black women, probably Soros linked, say, no, we're not giving him an appeal.
Who is the DA who threw them in jail in the first place?
Cyrus Vance.
Major globalist funded by Soros.
So we talk about this looming threat of globalism and communism.
That's in the past tense.
Black women represent 7% of the population.
They represent 75% of Proud Boys' appeals.
Let's check in on Antifa, shall we?
Oh, this was interesting.
Well, show you a little clip.
How do you hear that?
I mean, I'm sure for jaywalking, there is a case in the book where you can do a year work and you can pay a $50,000 fine.
There's two things playing.
Well, stop the other thing playing.
That was a good one.
Yeah, that was a pretty good one.
He deeked out the first punch, if you recall.
Pretty good.
But he couldn't take the other 22.
Wrong background, Ryan.
So this was at a, I don't know, a pro-life thing in Northern California.
And, oh, I love this one.
And it's fun to watch really carefully.
You should probably go to, yeah, stay on camera too for this one.
It's almost worth a green screen.
But the way they fight, it says tomes about who they are and where they come from.
So, watch this.
I'll try to get out of the way a bit.
So, you wait, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
So, there's Proud Boys there, it appears.
I see some black and yellow.
And it was this Christian pro-life group.
And Antifa just showed up to beat them up because if you don't want to kill babies, you need to die.
And what I see always is these arrogant women who obviously can't fight.
Maybe a hundredth of 1% of women can fight.
And so these women who can't fight, they have all the hubris of Conor McGregor, and they dive in there ready to kick some ass and take some names.
They always get a rude awakening, and they chicken out immediately.
And then there's, and by the way, those women with too much moxie are on both sides.
Both women just dive in and rush at these dudes who go, I guess I'll punch you in the face?
I don't know.
And then you have the male dudes who aren't quite as brave, but they go in anyway, and you can tell this is their first fight.
So right now, what you're seeing is patriotic bodyguards versus pussy white males and stupid bitch feminists.
Good punch there.
Wait, stop.
Now, see, that even takes more.
So you'll see yellow arms deliver a good normal punch that he turns over beautifully.
And then the other guy does like a plap-plap.
Yeah, look at that other punch.
It's like down.
And then his helmet comes flying off.
So they know, look, they understand grappling and they pull him down.
Why is that chick?
Look at all the chicks in there.
Of the right and the left.
Ladies, leave.
You're not dudes.
Look at her.
Like that woman-on-woman crime right there.
And that's probably a woman in the ski mask.
But you'll see now, see that guy in the t-shirt?
He obviously has fighting experience, and he's learned that with these little pussies, it's best to pick them up and drop them on their heads.
Bye-bye.
So he just picks him up and slams them on the ground.
He figures, all right, that guy's handled.
And now this guy with yellow arms proceeds to make sure he stays down.
Gives him a few kicks while he's down.
Look, they just throw them around like little rag dolls.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
We're taking our doll back.
Yeah, have him.
That's another annoying thing women do.
We have you on camera.
You're going down.
First of all, they could be holding their ID up to the camera.
They're not going down.
Antifa consistently gets out of jail.
Secondly, they're masked up.
Like, no one's going down, smartass.
Your phone is not a weapon, Karen.
Conservative Karen.
Look at that monster in the tank top.
He's not filming anyone.
If he wants someone to go down, he throws them on the ground.
So that was fun.
And this is...
That's the end of fucking...
Oh, this is sort of similar.
Get to get on mic a little more.
This is pretty similar.
Jump to 2-8.
I'm really happy I finally figured out the problem with black women in America.
Oh.
No, 2-8, Ryan.
2-8.
2-8 is Jim Bro predicted this.
2-8A?
Or 2-8-B?
2-8.
No, there's 2-8-A, there's 2-8B, and then there's another 2-8.
Okay, and yeah, there we go.
Look at the way they talk.
And I think I know why.
They just are screaming and abusing.
See, where's my mouse?
What was this protest about?
Oh, this was ELAD.
Okay, there was a community center or something that they tried to board up and prevent from being seized.
Maybe people were living there illegally, something like that.
But this is ELAD's footage.
So you came.
Stop, stop.
So this is the old trope that the police in America came from a security force that was meant to catch escaped slaves.
Therefore, all cops are inexorably linked to slavery.
Okay, first of all, that's a retarded argument, but how do you explain Mongolia?
We've talked about this before.
I don't understand how you get away with all the other cops in the rest of the world.
Do you know there's other countries outside of America and you have to apply the same logic if you think that there, so there'd be no police here if there was no catching escaped slaves?
Who fucking cares what the first ones were?
Every nation has police.
America needs police.
New York City desperately needs police as we've learned over these past few months.
You should see fucking Penn Station.
It's disgusting.
Blood, junkies, filthy people like with no clothes on, just covered in dirt.
People shitting, pissing, vomiting.
Everywhere.
Blood and piss and shit everywhere.
It's shocking.
The walk from Penn Station to Anthony Studio, the least number of junkies I've ever counted was six.
And when I say junkies, I mean like with one shoe on, was six.
It's usually 13 to 20.
And it's a block and a half.
So, anyway, go back to these fucking bitches.
Are you seeing a lot of white privilege here?
Don't found this black girl being a bitch.
See, they're spoiled.
We don't like you, so leave.
So that's Elad they're pushing away?
Yeah.
We don't like you, so leave.
Recording ass bitch.
No, it is him.
See, the problem with him is he's now recording ass bitch.
While he's recording him.
Now that you've...
He's going to be recognized by everyone.
How does he go to these things now?
He goes and he gets recognized.
It seems like that's been the case for a bit.
Yeah, but they're just going to block his camera and harass him.
He's not going to get any interviews anymore.
Right?
Yeah.
Well, no, he gets some interviews with people that aren't so extreme.
Like Antifa knows who he is, but like leftists that just go out to protest probably don't.
Yeah, but even then, the leftists are going to come over and start screaming at him and shoving him and saying, you can't be here.
I tried to get him uncensored, but he's got his own thing going on.
Yeah, why don't you talk to all that?
Why don't you talk to all that?
So that guy that's harassing him the whole time gets arrested pretty aggressively.
He didn't stop him.
And dude, there are people that hit cops with, like the white shirt cops.
What are those, the captains, sergeants, somethings?
Yeah, sure.
They hit them with a fucking skateboard in the leg.
And like, dude, you are going to jail for a day until you get bailed out by that.
Do the logic.
You create a society on your computer right now and then have your little digital citizens beat the shit and humiliate and pour water on the guys you have enforcing the laws.
Let's see your little simulated city now.
Do the math.
We can't have police officers getting accosted, dummy.
What do you think?
It's like those people who argue with cops.
Like the cop is going to bow his head and go, you know what?
You're right.
I'm sorry.
Bye.
Free to go.
You called me a bitch.
Yeah, so it was a...
They were locking themselves in a space.
They were squatting.
This guy tries to go back in.
They're like, you're not.
Oh my God.
What are you doing?
Are you serious right now?
Are you serious?
Imagine squatting in New York City in this heat wave.
You're not going to have AC, I assume.
Toss your guy getting tossed.
Record the cops tossing your buddy.
Look at you.
This guy right here with the repent shirt or whatever.
I don't know what video, but he gets slammed pretty good.
Huh.
It's kind of nice revenge because he's been bugging Elad the whole fucking time.
Elad's not even conservative.
I mean, he's a Zionist.
But his politics are pretty liberal.
And in modern New York City, that's David Duke.
Boom.
Oh, I remember seeing that.
That's the guy?
That's the guy that was bothering Elad the most.
Who wears his stupid camera?
Oh, wait, here comes the...
Look at that.
That girl hits this fucking cop in the back of the legs with a skateboard.
Bam!
Doing my part.
And then she's like, what are you doing today?
Ow, are you serious right now?
It was a clean hit.
Are you serious?
Get off of me, you fucking pig.
My dad's a lawyer.
All their parents are rich.
And I think they squat because they want to keep the rent money.
Or maybe their dad tried cutting them off.
I'm going to see if she can pay for herself for a week.
Like, I can't liquidate them paying for my rent, so I'll sublet, then take the money.
Dude, that's a good guess.
Right?
They've got a decent apartment that's on like somewhere that's not so dangerous, like 14th and 3rd, somewhere near Union Square or something in the NYU zone.
Then they sublet that to someone.
Yeah, there.
He's got his camera.
Where's his camera gone?
He probably gave it to one of his brothers.
Oh, he gave it to his brother right there.
And then kabuki.
Kabuki.
It's fun seeing Antifa get slammed.
There was a big, speaking of Tucker, there was a big Make Tucker pay was trending because Tucker said, Fauci, who started the pandemic, who invented COVID, who started this mess,
he said something like that.
Maybe it's within the trend.
They go, well, Fauci has to sue him because Fauci did not start COVID.
But there's actually a pretty good argument that he did.
Because we have him talking about major investigations into genocide and pandemics and how sometimes you may have to build the actual virus to see and Wuhan doing exactly that and Fauci's money and Fauci's okay being linked to Wuhan.
So all of that together says that he's at least tangentially responsible for this mess.
Fauci said, I don't mind making viruses in order to study viruses.
Fauci said, I know there's a risk there, but it's collateral damage.
We'll get to know.
And Fauci's okay was linked to the funding of the Wuhan lab.
See, he doesn't just say shit.
And then these people are so uninformed, they don't know any of this, so they just go, make Tucker pay.
Sue him.
Donna wants him to be sued.
Donna, resist.
Now...
Take it from the guy who created COVID.
Watch this.
There.
Now that we have a Delta variant.
Wait, take it from the guy who created COVID.
Watch this.
Now that we have the Toyota Corolla, we can drive five miles and provide an unusual gas mileage.
By the way, that Jimbro, I think he's Canadian.
He predicted all this.
Fucking Jimbro, dude.
Remember him?
Jimbro Slice.
He predicted the second lockdown.
The mask.
The mask is about compliance because they know Canadians like to do what they're told.
So if they tell you you have to wear a mask, next they're going to tell you you have to contact trace.
Then they're going to tell you you have to take the vaccine.
And because Canadians like to do what they're told, they're hoping that everyone just complies.
And then guess what, kids?
Once you take your vaccine, like a dumb person that doesn't know any better, they're going to tell you, sorry, the vaccine isn't as effective as we thought it was going to be.
So now you still got to wear your mask, still got to get contact trace, still have all the restrictions and social distancing, and still take your vaccine.
And then what did you get out of all of this?
You got a whole year where you weren't allowed to travel.
Your business was closed.
They took your rights and freedoms.
They forced the vaccine on you.
And what happened?
The same amount of people died.
Everything is the exact same.
And now they're going to put you back on lockdown and bring it all the way till July of next year so they can do the same thing again.
Bring you from July, August, and September, getting you off lockdown, but just to bring you back on lockdown again.
If you idiots haven't figured it out yet, it's a perpetual cycle that you never get out of.
And it's a way to take your rights, your freedoms, close your business, take your wealth.
Why?
So you become dependent on government.
Why?
If you're independent, the government works for you like it's supposed to.
If you depend on the government to give you a paycheck to feed your family every month because they closed your business on you, now the government doesn't work for you.
The government rules you.
So instead of a middle class, we have the government, upper class, and the lower class dependents that rely on the government to survive.
In other words, we have a slave class.
And that's what they're trying to do.
It's that simple.
It's not a joke.
Nailed it.
By the way, just to leapfrog back to Biden while we're talking about COVID, he said about six months ago, or maybe less, four months ago, he said, look, it's very simple.
You get vaccinated, you don't need a mask.
We're finally done with this.
Vaxed or masked.
Or both.
But he also said, is that all that has?
No.
Because he clearly said, if you get a vax, you don't need a mask.
There's text.
Oh, yeah.
Folks, if you're fully vaccinated, you no longer need to wear a mask.
If you're not vaccinated yet, go to vaccine, blah, blah, blah.
So what's the date on that?
May 13th.
May 13th.
So May, June, three months ago, he said this.
And then what does he say today?
He says, that was true then.
It's not true anymore.
What?
The vaccine got less good?
This is hard to hear.
If you're fully vaccinated, you no longer need to wear a mask.
They didn't get vaccinated.
It was spread more rapidly.
And people more people were getting sick.
That's the difference.
What the hell?
Those are just lies.
How about the deaths?
What are the deaths at?
You're just making this shit up.
And they always choose the highest number.
If the deaths are high, they go for deaths.
If the cases are high, they go for cases.
And they can manipulate the number of cases, too.
I think I'm having COVID exhaustion at this point.
Okay, last thing on the cops.
I heard that the cop shot a guy, and he all he had was a water pistol.
And four years ago, I would have gone, what the fuck kind of ushole cop was that?
What a moron.
You got to train these cops better.
That's where your brain goes in a normal, not fake news world.
You go, cops need better training, guys.
Come on.
By the way, if we had more time, we'd start doing sketches.
And I would love to do a commercial for cop training where we teach you how to shoot guns out of perp's hands.
Yeah.
Next time we have some time off and we're in the country with some guns, we should do that commercial.
Yeah.
Pretend to be a training thing where you could show cops how to shoot shit out of perpetuation.
Shoot just the trigger finger.
If you have to shoot a shot.
Or shoot a guy's hat off.
Nothing scares a perp more than getting their glasses taken off their eyes because now they can't see.
Or like shoot, if you want me to say me to comply, shoot my glasses and my tie off.
Yeah.
Whoa, okay.
And we show footage from Wanted.
You got me?
Where they curve the bullet?
Yeah.
Or fucking Josie Wales, whatever, that Glenn Eastwood thing where he's an outlaw.
I've been wanting to do some skits while you were away.
I was like, maybe I should do like a Hobo Johnson music video recreation because I was doing the car, me and my wife.
Wife.
We were driving around.
I was like, so my sister was like, hey, I got a blister on your foot.
And I was like, read me a book.
And my mother and my father never raised me, but I got a message.
You might want to work on that writing.
We got the easy.
So have we announced that you got married?
Not yet.
Well, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah.
I did, yeah.
But if that's coming up in the future, we're going to tell you about the proposal and all this.
You know what's funny about that episode?
What?
When you asked me how I proposed, I hadn't yet done it.
I did it later that day, so I was like, okay, this is in the future.
So that's why I was saying...
So you're lying.
Yeah, for the show.
I was like, you know, because this was going to air after post-marriage.
So I was like, that's why I keep saying, so, well, you give her the ring.
And you're like, why are you saying you?
Ryan's talking about we banked episodes for various emergencies, me going away and stuff like that.
And in it, he describes his proposal.
But you told me like it had already happened.
So you lied to me.
So you're a liar.
I'm a showman.
No, that was a lie.
You lied to me.
So you've since done that?
It was exactly the way I explained it.
Except we did dinner before.
Uh-huh.
And it was in the projects in the Bronx?
Not the projects.
It's a co-op in the Bronx.
Yeah.
The shittiest part of America.
Co-op City is the crown jewel of the Bronx for sure.
There's sprawling parks.
Something tells me if I look up the rape stats for rape, but I mean...
But it's beautiful rape.
It's the crown jewel of rape.
Could you picture a better backdrop to get raped?
It's the best place to be raped in the Bronx.
It's the spoonful of sugar to make the rape medicine go down.
So anyway, you hear a cop shot a guy with a water pistol, and you're like, you need better training, man.
This poor guy was shot just for having a water pistol in his hand.
Maybe he was playing with his grandson.
Why'd you kill him?
Then we see the bottom.
Here's another thing.
Before I get to that, have you seen this footage of the guy throwing drugs into a dude's car?
The police officer throwing drugs?
Yeah.
No.
So the footage from the black dude in the passenger seat was, hey, what are you doing?
Why are you throwing drugs in my car?
And you see the drugs go through the air and into the car.
And you go, that looks pretty bad.
And then you see the body cam footage.
And what the cop was doing was, with his body cam, he said, what's that?
The guy pulls out a bag.
He goes, it's an empty bag of cocaine.
And then he throws it back to him.
And he's like, well, this is looking bad for you.
And then he throws it into the car as like, we'll deal with that later or we won't deal with that.
Or I already have the bag on tape.
I don't need the bag anymore.
And I don't want to be carrying around a bag of Coke.
So he threw it over there.
I guess it's not needed as evidence.
And the guy's like, I got you on camera.
And he's like, yeah, I'm wearing a camera.
I got me on camera.
I got me on camera too.
Hey, bro, what's that?
What's that?
What you just threw in here?
What's what word?
I got you on camera, bro.
I got you on camera.
We're all good.
We're all good.
Hey, bro, you just threw that in here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If this article doesn't add that in there.
It's edited.
Fish kid Savo, local rapper from Racine, Wisconsin.
I am okay.
I'm not locked up.
I was detained for a little while, and they talk about investigations.
I haven't gotten it.
This is my new pet peeve.
Why do you have that accent in Wisconsin?
Wisconsin is...
Hey, how's it going?
They sound like Fargo.
Hey, the fucking cops threw this in my car.
But he's got that yo accent from screens.
Dude, they did not add the body cam.
Wow, this is just a half-assed article here.
No, no.
They don't.
But go back to the one.
The first article you said refuted it.
See, this is the problem even with body cam footage is someone gets a hold of it and they cut out the beginning.
I've talked to cops that don't like body cams.
They go, oh, it does us more harm than good sometimes.
This is a post.
Yeah, yeah, but viral video shows.
No, no, this is.
This is the body cam.
Oh, yeah, this is what you want.
I got specs of green.
You're good at the surgeon.
Now, how many people have seen this?
And how many people have seen the drugs being thrown in the car?
I mean, every fucking time you hear a story's pushing.
What's what?
What's what were?
I got you on camera, buddy.
I got you on camera.
We're all good.
Now this is what part they cut out.
Hey, buddy, you just threw that in here.
Yeah.
Because it was in his pocket, and I don't want to hold on to it.
That's on their body cam that they took it off of him.
I'm telling you where it came from.
It's an empty baggie at the moment, too.
So.
Okay, buddy.
Oh, so it's useless evidence, I guess.
Wow.
Because whatever they scrape out of that is going to be like a billionth of a gram, and it won't go anywhere in court.
So it's just like, fuck this.
But let's see the poor innocent man who was murdered just for having a children's toy.
Here's the audio from Howard's first 911 call.
Phoenix 911, where is your emergency?
What is the emergency there?
Now!
Do you hear me?
Do you have an emergency?
Officer down.
Officer down.
Officer down.
Officers responded to Howard's residence at about 8.20 p.m.
When they made contact with him, he was uncooperative and broke a window, injuring his hand in the process.
Here is body-worn camera video from the first police contact that night.
Three contacts then.
Now this guy's aggressive, and he's already said there's a dead cop.
It's not a good combo.
It's a phoenix police permit.
You become the copy of the colour.
And they're saying, fuck you.
The odds are getting higher and higher that you're going to get shot.
No, I did not.
Are you sure?
No, I believe you.
You're a fucking idiot.
You have a fucking way out.
I believe in you.
I believe this fucking place.
Fuck you.
Alright, have a good night, sir.
Fuck you, Big.
Have a good night.
So anyway, scroll ahead.
So he cut his wrist just then.
Right?
To offer medical aid for his injured hand.
Keep going back.
Go to the next visit.
Have a good night.
Go away.
So he does it again.
Calls the cop, says he's bleeding.
And then he tells him to fuck off and go away.
Now, the third time he calls, they go back because he says he cut himself.
And he says, I'm going to kill you.
I have a gun.
On the call or in person though?
In person.
921B.
All right, 92%.
Go back to the city.
Not back, forward to the house, I mean.
At about 9.15 p.m. or CIT.
Officers who are CIT spam.
Here's the body-worn camera video from the third contact that night.
That's fucking brave to stand there.
You're right, right.
A very aggressive drunk, huh?
I'm more of a funny guy when I'm drunk.
Although, when I watch footage of me on this show drunk, it doesn't seem very funny.
Seems sad and funny.
Sad and wandering.
Do you need medical attention?
You call the fire department.
I don't know.
Fire department.
Oh, I don't know either.
Did you call the fire department?
Well, the fire department's here.
Can they help you?
No.
They're idiots.
Okay, well, why are you calling them then?
What?
I'm not even calling them.
He's on the board.
We're just trying to get you some help, family.
I have a gun.
You have a gun down.
I have a gun.
What the fuck?
So the story is...
Cop shoot an innocent man with a silly little space water pistol.
The truth is, men commit suicide by cop.
And then that brings us to, remember the guy last week?
He's covered in facial tattoos.
He covers his tattoos with brown makeup to rob a bank.
When they're doing the wanted poster, they want him to not look like the guy with tattoos because that's what he's disguised as.
If it was me and I had a clown nose on, the wanted poster would include me with a clown nose on.
That story becomes cops photoshop a man to make him look more like a suspect.
Well, yeah, kinda.
But anyone who knows the whole story, and they did get the right guy, he was a serial bank robber.
So it worked.
But anyone who hears that story, looks it up, gets what I just said, and they see him and they go, oh, I get it.
They didn't photoshop him.
They just took out the tattoos because that's how he looked when he robbed the place.
Right?
But the young Turks, and that looks exactly like him, big, huge nostrils.
The young Turks have this new Malcolm X dude.
I believe he's with the Young Turks now.
At least that's what one of our baby monsters said.
And they're running with the original rumor.
So this video I'm about to show you might as well be a guy bitching about cops shooting someone with a water pistol.
It's that naive.
Decided to manipulate a photo of a black man in order to make him look like a suspect.
A Portland judge decided to...
It's one thing to hear a rumor and be fooled for a second.
It's another thing to have the rumor explained, the myth dispelled, and then go off at a tangent.
Bitching about it still.
Like, you might as well bitch about hands up, don't shoot right now.
I guess that's what they do.
I bet 70% of black people think that Trayvon Martin was just an innocent, sweet boy that went to go get some Skittles.
And I bet you 60% of black Americans think that Mike Brown said, hands up, don't shoot.
Do they ever take calls?
That would be a good streeter, dude.
What?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Asking black people what happened with Mike Brown.
Interesting.
Like in Paul's neighborhood in South Jersey, he should do black streeters for us.
Why are you saying that?
Doesn't sound safe.
One time he did a streeter for me, and I got it back, and it was like...
And I go, this was kind of a cool idea asking people about aliens, but it's inaudible.
And he goes, oh, you can't fix that.
New York City is really loud.
I'm like, no, I'm not talking about background noise, shithead.
I'm talking about the fact that your mic wasn't on.
Anyway, let's hit the mailbag.
It's coming up.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Let me touch it.
Yeah.
I want to touch it.
I want to touch it, touch it, touch it, touch you.
I want to be dirty.
That was jazzy.
Yo, Gav, saw a comic this morning and almost spit up my coffee when I noticed the resemblance to Sean King.
Okay, these are not tagged, right?
Okay, gotcha.
This was from 11 a.m.
And it's called This Morning's Comic.
Would you oppress me?
I'd oppress me.
I'd oppress me hard.
Sean King's in shit.
I think he's finally losing his hustle.
Isn't that supposed to be Sean King?
That's that comic.
Yeah.
The comic man.
Yeah, I don't think this went over this moron's head.
Well, the illustrator did his job.
Possible 9 from 1966.
I watched this old game show called What's My Line.
And look at this beautiful woman.
Jim Goad thinks women were prettier back then.
I strongly disagree.
Yes.
Is it used by all four of us?
I would have to be the authority to answer that specifically.
And with my understanding of their overall areas of activity, we'll give them a no.
It is not used by all four of you.
Well, now wait a minute.
I guess we better give them a yes.
And we better give you a yes.
Self-confidence, John.
It could be.
It could be self-confidence.
She is pretty amazingly sculpted.
She looks like a cartoon.
Okay, we'll give her a nine.
It's Friday.
TGIF.
We're generous.
We're ready to party.
Vote for Teddy.
That was that guy?
Oh, Teddy Daniels.
We already Showed that commercial.
I guess we could have waited, right?
Pit bulls.
They don't disproportionately attack kids.
Dalmatians and poodles are higher up on the aggression list than pit bulls.
It's like AR-15s.
They look scary, so people want to ban them.
You fell for the bullshit.
I don't believe you.
Do pit bulls, and you know there's going to be a lot of disproportionately attack.
I'm just going to say attack.
Ow.
Poor husky.
See, there's all kinds of shit like defendpitbulls.com.
Hidden reason about pit bulls.
Why are pit bulls dangerous?
It's the owners.
There's so much.
This is like when you try to look up if old single women are happy.
You just get article after article written by old single women about how they're just fine.
But like I was saying earlier with Sarah Silverman and Chelsea Handler, if you watch their Instagram feeds, they're doing a lot of like, some people are asking me if I'll never have kids and I won't.
And that's a choice I made.
And I think post-pandemic, they're going to like family reunions and stuff.
And they're seeing all these big happy families with cousins.
And I had three kids and now I'm a grandma.
And she's like, okay, so you've got quite a group of loving people surrounding you at all times.
I make videos where I'm all alone and I talk to my phone about my pronouns.
And I'm happy.
So yeah, the Pitbull thing's going to take some research.
But my hunch is that, yes, Dalmatians and poodles are higher up and no one has a Dalmatian.
Dear Gavin, Intergalactic President of Fag Zone, thank you for alluding me to the existence of Viagra Boys as a bigoted, biased Gen Xer.
I really thought that edgy, funny, yet cool music was done.
But sports is a great, that is a great album.
I mean, song.
Baseball.
Basketball.
I want to get some more tattoos.
Dude, let's get some tatts.
I want to get tatted up.
I want some mince and tattoo.
I'm going to get a nantifa tattoo.
A big black crow carrying an A bomb.
A bomb with an anarchy on it.
Does the stomach hurt as a tattoo?
Yes.
You have your stomach tattooed, right?
Yeah.
No, I don't have my stomach tattooed.
Really?
Nope.
Huh.
Chest?
It all hurts.
Chest hurts.
I hate anything on the bone.
Yeah.
Hey, Kweef squad, I want to start by saying that I don't care whether or not somebody gets the vaccine.
With that being said, giving in when you feel strong against it is no different than quitting on your country in the Olympics.
Giving in to political pressure, despite your personal views, is weak and un-American.
What's next?
You can't go to law school if you're a Christian?
I understand that is a wide gap, but the government feeling comfortable exercising political pressure is a slippery slope.
The more people that go along with the move, the more they'll take.
If we want to get this country back, we need to be strong, stand up, and say, I'm not doing this shit.
Just my opinion.
Love you more than a friend.
Yep, you're right, sir.
I was wrong to tell that girl that she should get it if it means getting into law school.
That was a mistake.
Ayo, she has the sprinkles.
Either one is hilarious and hot.
Okay.
This is sprinkles, by the way.
I jumped a few down.
Hi.
Did they come back with the numbers?
Hi, my name's Amanda, and I'm a girl boss.
Oh, hi, Kylie Jenner.
What?
You need to borrow more money?
A lot has changed since you've last seen me.
I bought my own skyscraper, started a seminar, and got more money.
I used to wake up from my nap as a child and wish I was in an office.
And now look at me.
I bought my own skyscraper.
Same joke twice in 10 seconds.
China, talk to me.
You're a girl boss.
You don't have time for traffic.
That's why I'm not.
So anyway, this is pretty funny, especially for a hot chick.
A lot of riffing, but how long is this fucking joke?
Check the length of this.
Five minutes.
Five minutes of girl boss.
This is part two.
Jesus H. So we get it, and you did a good job, but it just goes on and on and on.
She's the inventor of TB coin.
No sprinkles there, I'm afraid.
And then the second one.
No, we're good.
We're good.
We're good.
Greetings.
First of all, there's no better...
This is death of cool.
There's no better entertainment available than your content.
Your show provides everything, politics, music, and humor.
I constantly laugh out loud and sometimes laugh so damn hard that the beginning sounds like the cry moms do at weddings.
What the cry moms do at weddings.
Or when they drop a kid off at college.
Kind of like a gasp.
So thank you for that.
Although I have not read your book, the sentiment is spot on.
I grew up in the 90s doing nothing but listening to music and going to shows.
We had to judge albums by the cover and risk good money on the hopes.
So he's talking about my book that he hasn't read and saying he agrees with it.
And he's saying we used to work hard to be cool and now the kids can just sit on their ass and look on their phones for all the pop culture things.
That's not the point of the book at all, sir.
The death of cool is about your life and how you have your cool phase where you're into like partying and chicks and stuff.
Then you cease to be cool, propose, get married and have kids.
Now there's a new chapter.
And what I'm saying is they're both awesome, but you got to grow up, get a ring on it, be a man and say, all right, that was fun, kooky days, played a lot of video games, goodbye.
Now I'm being a dad starting a life.
He judged the book by its cover.
He really did.
He surmised the entire synopsis.
And no, I'm not one of those people that say, my cool was better than your cool.
Dearest Gavin Lil Rygai, I ended up popping out like five kids because I couldn't handle the emotional side effects of hormonal birth control.
That's a great story.
The cops crying on television remind me of the two months I actually tried to take birth control pills with the soap opera tears.
Yeah.
From now on, camera people, when someone is crying, like the mayor who was doing the jiggling to George Floyd, or the guy who said, boo, nigger, or Van Jones, a lot of people can wake up.
He's drying the.
You know the I can't breathe.
You know the I can't breathe.
You remember that?
You need to zoom in on those tears.
We need to see them.
What is going on at these meandering hearings?
Did those creeps agree to eat estrogen for the week preceding the inquiry for full dramatic effect?
Did someone slip mare urine into their iced teas at lunch?
I didn't know mare urine makes you cry.
Aren't your cop friends shaking their heads right now as their asshole cop image gets dragged through the mud?
I think a lot of cops see the Capitol Police as not real cops.
But yeah, it's embarrassing.
And a lot of people assume cops are a monolith.
When all of that fucking with people for COVID and shutting down gyms is going on by cops, cops were mad.
They go, what are our fucking fellow cops doing?
They're giving us a bad name and they're trampling people's rights.
I want confirmation that these are real cops with families and dignity.
The suits look far too oversized and puffy.
The material for the crying cop uniform looks like a costume.
They don't even fit properly.
It's not real.
That's a theory.
I mean, dude, I thought that as soon as I saw this.
As soon as I saw this like days ago.
Like, what the fuck kind of fucking...
What the fuck can...
It looks weird.
Just as weird as that guy's hair.
Oh, we talked about his hair before.
Oh, yeah.
Fucking.
He has the worst hair in the White House.
And I looked him up online.
He's always had the shittiest, like, Jew just got out of the shower hair.
It looks like he just got done cooking for three hours with Ratatouille under his chef's hat.
Hey, Rygai and Gavin, I have a very important question.
I need your takes on it to settle a very violent debate I'm having.
Do teenage moms count as MILFs?
No.
On one hand, they're technically mothers.
It can be very sexually appealing.
I'm 19, so no pedo.
But on the other hand, the idea of MILF implies maturity.
Yes, of course it does.
MILF is based on the average mom.
The average mom you see is, especially these days, is 30 to 50.
So a MILF, like think about if someone was Googling MILF porn and they saw a 17-year-old, they'd go, what the fuck?
This is a gip.
I remember reading once that the two biggest words that are Googled for porn are MILF and barely legal.
And it was like, these guys are either disgusting perverts who are old women or their fucking pedophiles.
But what that really says is young men are probably looking at barely legal because that's the kind of shit they're into.
And then dads like me are probably looking at MILF because that's the kind of women they fuck.
How do you know when to fight and when to avoid the situation?
If you're out with your girl and a crazy homeless person is yelling at you, do you confront them ready to fight and potentially get stabbed by a crack addict when you could just have walked away?
Seems retarded.
That's obviously the extreme end of the spectrum.
At what point are you a pussy for walking away?
The thing about fighting you have to understand is you punch a guy, he falls, hits his head on the edge of a pot, a steel potholder, bleeds out, gets a concussion, whatever, dies.
Now you're going to jail for murder.
You should avoid fights at all costs.
And if you need to punch because of words, you're a pussy.
Yeah, and is that guy worth it?
Like you're going to go to jail or get hurt for this fucking guy?
No.
Now, I know if someone insults your wife, your wife's a whore.
Or you're with your mom and they go, your mother's a whore.
Now we're getting there.
It's hard to.
That's a tough one, but if you're witty, you should be able to come back with more.
Like, your mother didn't seem like a whore when I was fucking her last night.
She seemed like she loved me.
Is she that good at it?
Is she that good at it, if you will, that she can make every single guy think that he's the one?
She's talented at fucking.
She must have been doing this for a long time.
Then you see you're coming back with it, with his mom.
Now, the second there's any kind of actual violence, then you respond with violence.
And that's all written out in the law.
Now, what about you see four black dudes on the train, and they're calling some old Chinese lady a chink.
You got it.
I had that exact thing happen to me.
What did you do?
They didn't call her a chink, but it was like four to five.
I think it was four black kids.
This was July 4th, two years ago, I think.
And so we're on the train, and the lady was waiting to get off the train by the doors.
The doors open, and they pushed through her.
Like, they all just pushed through her.
And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
And I had my headphones in.
Like my headphones out.
Never have your headphones on the city.
That's annoying.
With my back to a thing.
There's no headphones in Manhattan.
But this was, here's the thing.
It was on the train, it was packed.
We're all waiting for a train that wasn't packed.
So, I mean, there's people everywhere, but these shameless kids do that.
So you're pretty safe.
You're surrounded by all family type people.
Nobody said anything to these kids.
And I was shocked.
I was looking around.
I was like, yeah, people would just let this happen.
But I don't know.
I was like, not me.
I'm sick of this.
The absolute worst case scenario is like a young Asian girl and these four or five black teenagers who don't know repercussions.
So stabbing you is nothing.
It's like stabbing a fish.
So you might get, it's looking like you're going to get stabbed.
So you have to go over there and go, guys, guys, guys, relax.
Leave her alone.
Now they're going to come over to you.
But you have to do that.
Because the other option is you sit here, maybe they slap around, maybe they start raping you, and you're just sitting there going, that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
What if you do something weird?
Like you're like, yeah, kill that bitch.
And then you keep just like distracting them.
They're like, hold on a sec.
Like the Joker on the subway.
Can I rape her after you?
Yeah, and then they're just like, you just take all the fun out of it for them.
Yeah, that's not going to work.
But so those are the gray areas.
No, there's no gray area with the Asian girl and those black guys.
But the gray areas are, of course, people verbally assaulting your mom or girlfriend or wife.
But I would start doing my best with, you know, coming back at them with other words.
But yeah, I think Every Man's Worst Nightmare is a gang of stupid teens Who don't know ramifications accosting someone, and you're like, Well, I'm either stabbed or I have nightmares about what a pussy I am for the rest of my fucking life.
I have another one while we're on this topic: lie and say there are police in the next car.
Be like, guys, guys, there's police right in the next car.
Cut that shit out.
I'm looking out for you.
I'm team raped that bitch, but there's cops right there.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
Yeah.
Or one time I pretended I was a cop and the kids just laughed in my face.
Right.
But if you pretend there's a couple cops, like there's cops right down there, dude.
I'm just saying.
Do you remember that story?
We were doing streeters, and we had a camera equipment and all that stuff.
And I got surrounded by like 15, 12-year-old, 13-year-old black kids.
And they go, yo, what you doing?
What's this for?
That's a nice camera.
And I go, guys, you don't want to fuck with this.
This CRTV cops review television.
Or the police.
That was pretty quick.
And they go, what you fixing to do, nigga?
And I'm like, so the cop thing, that's not throwing you off?
That's not bumming you out?
What if I show you my badge?
And then you have a fake badge?
Like, we still don't care about cops.
Put the badge up your ass.
We throw water on you, motherfucking bitches.
So in a way, de Blasio de-clawing the police has made all of us vulnerable because now we can't even lie and say we're cops anymore.
Okay, here we go.
Last one.
Hi, Gavin.
I'm Rygai.
I have a theory as to why some women are so obsessed with every possible sin of America's history.
It's because it's gossip.
More specifically, it's the type of gossip that women love.
Women aren't that interested in gossip about a person that everyone knows is a piece of shit loser, but they'd kill to know the dirty little secret about the person everyone respects and admires.
The same way housewives in the 50s might have said, you know that perfect new couple down the street?
Well, I happen to know he's banging his secretary.
Woke women instead say, you know that amazingly prosperous and free country, America?
Well, I happen to know a dirty little secret that they had slaves.
Check out this young female teacher talking about the evils of America.
Notice the lack, sorry, notice the look of absolute glee on her face while saying America is a racist country.
It's the exact expression she'd make while spreading a nasty rumor about the popular girl.
That everything is true.
See, when I read that, everything is true.
She loves it.
That's so poignant and true.
And what's with her verbiage?
She's a teacher?
You mean when I read that, I realize, or I can't help but notice everything is true.
But.
See, when I read that, everything is true.
That's such an ugly sentence.
Yeah.
So when I read that, I realize everything is true.
And then she tries to like condescend her whole, be condescending to her whole, I know reading is hard.
Yeah.
Well, you don't know reading is hard because you can't speak.
When I read that, everything is true.
That's not a sentence.
That's gross.
All right, folks, let's go to the final video.
This is amazing.
I would rather start with a video like, ladies and gentlemen, the weekend.
Make a fun TGIF thing.
Hope you enjoy yourselves tonight.
Hope you go out and don't get too wasted.
Here's my advice for going out tonight.
Don't do bourbon, bourbon, bourbon, burbur, bourbon, bourbon.
Bourbon is a reward.
Also, it takes a while for it to go through your system.
So you'll be like, I'm pretty sober.
I think I could have another one.
And then you'll have it.
And it's sort of like those people who take acid and they go, it didn't work, didn't hit me.
And then they take another hit and then two hits hit them.
I would say bourbon can take up to half an hour to really understand how much you've had.
So go like this.
Bourbon is a reward I get for drinking two beers.
The beers anchor you, they hydrate you.
They keep you safe at night.
So you go beer, beer, bourbon.
And then if that bourbon was delicious, oh, I'm glad you liked it.
Let's have, if you would like another one.
Uh-oh, my daughter's on the line.
Hello?
All right.
So yeah, you have to take the beers and see if you deserve the fucking comments.
The bird would just.
Oh.
There's nothing to do with this, I'm sure.
Is there a bald eagle in this at all?
No.
Okay.
What are some of the other comments?
So far, there's just those.
Oh, man.
So wait a minute.
Stop, stop, stop.
So you, yeah, you have your buzz, and if you enjoyed that bourbon, that's great.
But now you have to earn your next bourbon with two beers.
And then you won't be hungover the next day.
The more beer you have, the less hungover you'll be the next day.
And you don't want to destroy your Saturday, do you?
Anyway, besides that, have some fun and stick to beer as much as possible and take it easy on the shots.
And don't do Coke.
You know, you have a weekend.
You don't want to destroy one entire day.
Just to make Friday like 14% funner, you totally obliterate Saturday.
Take it down a notch.
Have a normal Friday night where you remember going to bed.
And then your Saturday will be awesome too.
Make plans.
Plans that make you get up early.
All right, so this is a guy getting arrested.
He decides he's going to make a run for it and doesn't check the traffic first.
And this guy should get into boxing because he's got an iron jaw.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
God.
Oh, my fucking God.
Alan.
Alan!
For fuck's sake, Alan.
Look, where'd your shoe go?
It's alright.
It's still in the air.
It's going to be landing in the next 10 minutes, probably.
That's you if you go bourbon, bourbon, bourbon, bourbon, bourbon.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Wow, that shoe went.
You saw it land?
No.
Yeah, it goes like this.
It goes lines up on.
Oh, you can't see my mouse.
Let's watch the first one.
Okay, let's watch it one last time.
18 million are going fast.
I'm good.
Oh, no, I'm not good.
Whoa.
Excellent drive by Nicholas in there.
Comes down and right down the fairway.
Jesus, dude.
And by the way, if you're running, run into the woods.
Have fun this weekend, guys.
That's the most important thing.
We've got a lot of work to do starting Monday.
We've got to save this country from itself.
We've got to fight the socialism that's already bled into every facet of our economy, of our culture, of our government, of our schools.
We've got a big mess to clean up, but the good news is that their leader is falling apart.
And soon we'll be able to pick up the pieces without Mr. Magoo driving everyone off a fucking cliff.
And in the interim, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
I wanna live the heartbeat of my fleet, and breathe the life in a mouse be.
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