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July 27, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:33:20
FROM THE MAILBAG 2
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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.
What happened there?
Why'd you pause it?
I did not pause it, but it sounds different because I hit off the...
Usually you're walking in frame and you have to hit the whatever.
Uh-huh.
But let me show you all.
So this is the straight.
Cool.
Oh, you can't really see it, but the soundboard, there's a series of events to do the intro music.
I'm just breaking your balls.
Welcome back to From the Mailbag.
We're here with our guest, Maddie Odell, co-host, actually.
Gavin.
Ryan, always a pleasure.
Hello.
Subscribers.
Let's begin From the Mailbag.
Cue graphics.
And shall we just dive right into it?
What do you think?
Sure.
Dive alive.
This is from Josh A. Gavin and Butt Pirate Ryan.
Parlor is working better now.
You should post more.
P.S. Like it or not, pro wrestling in the past has been a major part of American culture, but it's been super gay the past few years.
Any ideas how it could improve?
I don't like pro wrestling, and I'm baffled at how many of my friends that I respect and hang out with love it.
My gym, let me just...
First part of your thing, let's try Parlor.
Because I was having a lot of trouble with that fucking app.
Oh, see, it wants me to log in again.
Dude, Attitude Era, I think you would like.
If the Budweiser was a TV show, it would be WFROS.
It's for children.
I think it's awesome for nine-year-olds.
But my buddy Tommy at the gym worships the ground they walk on, knows all their names.
He probably knows this fight.
And then my trainer, the guy that I work out with twice a week, his whole workout area is the warrior.
The ultimate warrior.
The ultimate warrior.
He would like Stone Cold Steve Austin.
He smashes beers and drinks them.
No, shithead.
It's all gay.
I don't mean gay like homo.
I mean like embarrassing.
I can see the argument for it being gay homo.
I don't even care about that.
Gays don't bother me.
Like musicals are gay.
I don't hate musicals because they're gay.
I hate musicals because they're boring.
And the songs suck.
Because some guy had to make up 42 songs in a year.
That's not a good songwriter.
So when you watch this, do you go, uh-oh, that guy's mad at that guy?
Yeah, you're scared that your guy will lose.
But it's preordained.
Yeah, but you don't know the ordainedness.
You're still in the dark.
Well, this sucks.
John Cena.
It's quiet for him.
So you like some of the guys, but not the other guys.
Like, I'm grown up now.
Okay.
That was 14 years old.
I think it's awesome for eight-year-olds.
I think it's cool.
I like eight-year-olds watching it because it's tough and they're fighting and it's, yeah, that's awesome.
A lot of rough boys.
But, you know, you get to be a grown man and you watch real fights.
And I notice even the adults, like the 40-something guys who still watch it, they're still pissy about the it's fake thing.
Yeah, you don't want to bring that up.
Why not?
Do they not know that?
Is it an insult to them?
The mullets, the amount of mullets here, it's just...
He's out of the ring.
To do what?
You sith.
You thump your Bible and you say your prayers and it didn't get you anywhere.
Talk about yourself.
I mean, it's just pathetic.
It's like it's so popular for kids.
Yeah, I mean, I guess I'll get back on parlor if it's working better now.
A bunch of videos wouldn't upload and stuff, and now I have to go log again.
It's like that beer buddy we were trying to make work the other day.
It shouldn't be a chore.
If you have to spend more than two minutes setting it up, and then after we set it up, we couldn't figure out how to announce it.
You're at the bar.
The only way it's, you have to understand, this needs to be better than texting.
So from my ass, without me touching anything, it should go boodleop.
Gavin's at bar flies.
Boodle loop.
I'll announce it to Maddie.
I shouldn't even know.
If I have to take out my phone, get into Beer Buddy, select beer, select location, select guy, select, how is that faster than texting?
So that can suck a dick.
Definitely not user-friendly.
No.
That's disappointing.
Aziz Ansari and the Muslim struggle.
Yo, Gav and Ryan, on yesterday's show, you talked about liberals defending Muslims after they commit atrocities in the name of Islam.
In this clip, Norm McDonald, in this clip from Norm McDonald Live, this crazy liberal quote-unquote comedian goes off on exactly what you spoke about and goes on to compare ISIS attacks to Timothy McVeigh as a Christian attack.
Okay, first of all, Timothy McVeigh was an atheist, but let's say he was a Christian.
I'll take it.
That's Christian terrorism and there's Muslim terrorism.
How much of each is there?
Like, Jesus Christ, there's this site, I think it's called, it's not Jihad Watch, but they list every terror attack, every Muslim terror attack in the world, and it's said like a daily basis.
I mean, right now, they're murdering how many Christians a day in the Middle East?
I think it's 160.
So I'm happy to acknowledge Christian terrorism, but now you're opening the Pandora's box of the numbers, and you guys aren't going to do very well.
Norm later goes on to mock her openly on the show with an obvious bit, and she completely agrees with his sarcasm.
The clip starts at 2:23.
I can't say my friend's name, but he said his biggest fear is that ISIS or some terrorist group like that would get a hold of a dirty bomb and explode it over a major city within the United States and kill tens of millions of people.
Oh, a dirty bomb could destroy Manhattan forever.
That's a valid fear.
Against innocent Muslims would be absolutely terrible.
Yeah, that's rude.
That's true.
All right, let's do some jokes.
Was this Margaret Cho?
Looks like it, right?
That's rude.
Muslims would be absolutely terrible.
Why are you going backwards?
To see if that's Margaret Cho.
Well, we're going to see more for 10 minutes.
No, that's the end of this.
That's the whole thing?
Yeah.
Oh, what a shitty letter.
The first few haven't been screened, I should warn you.
Cool tune.
I just found this out and it's pretty cool.
I bet it's going to suck.
Let's see.
Hiro the Hero Bullet.
Okay, we've got to wait through a whole fucking ad.
Pretty cool so far.
Not hating it.
It slaps.
Yeah, or Rage Against the Machine, but Rapier.
I hate when I'm enjoying these songs, man, they talk about dead cops.
Hey, Captain Comover, and still not cool, Ryan.
Our most revered physics expert who can't figure out how to put his luggage in the overhead bin.
We're not sure when you're going to be watching this.
This is a pre-tape to make sure that you don't complain about lack of content when I'm away.
They're referring to the Dharman episode where there was a retard, black retard on a plane, who sits next to a juke, and the juk doesn't realize that the guy is a physicist, which makes no sense.
And as someone else pointed out, if there was a black retard who was America's top physicist, he would be the most gigantic celebrity in America.
There'd be flags for him.
There'd be parades for him.
Neil deGrasse Tyson was a mediocre astrophysicist who had like a 50th of the published papers of most prominent astrophysicists, yet he had 10 million followers or does.
And every other astrophysicist is like 872.
And that's Neil deGrasse Tyson, who's not even retarded.
So if this guy existed, he'd be a fucking rock star.
Do you know the episode we're talking about?
Yeah, yeah.
He says it can't fit, and the guy says, well, you're not smart enough.
It's not rocket science.
Yeah.
He's one of the cast members on Born This Way.
I present to you, Mr. John Tucker.
My name is Kaylee, and I am with one of the stars from Born This Way, John Tucker.
Yes.
So John Tucker.
So do you keep your swag together or is this casual for you?
It's casual.
It's casual.
It's quiet.
Like everything I wear is casual.
So yeah.
Oh, he got it wrong.
Let me ask you this question.
Do you see yourself?
So she says, is this big a reunion or is this just a casual thing?
He says, everything I wear is casual.
Now, does she understand that he fucked up and she's moving on?
Probably.
Or does she even know?
Well, they're not great at interviews.
She succeeded at asking a question and getting an answer, so I think that feels good.
You're just like, I'm not sure she understands what goes on.
Because remember, How's Your News?
They would interview people on the street and had quite a bit of trouble with it.
It's not easy doing interviews.
What's her next question?
As a leader, do anything?
Yes.
I see myself, I see the leader of my TV store born this way, you know, because they always want to get...
I guess they always want to get some good advice from a person that knows everything.
So they always come on to me for some advice.
And I do give good advice.
The music is kind of demeaning.
It's like this is inspirational.
It's like they're just having an interview.
Let him fucking have.
You notice his ego too?
People come to me and see me as a leader because I know everything.
Damn.
He was playing himself.
That's pretty good advice.
That's a sign of a low IQ is extreme confidence.
I think God gives you that so you're not miserable.
And I know you just...
You just did Where Black Girl song, right?
I did.
That was on my second album.
Where Bite Girl song, right?
White Girl song?
Oh, he's got album.
He's got music.
We have to hear the music now.
I used to hang out with some of the special people at How's Your News, and I became friends with Sue.
Forget her last name.
And she'd call me every major holiday, and we'd speak briefly.
And then I went to see them do a thing at some art gallery in the West Village, and Amy Sederis was in the lineup.
Paul Danello, I think.
Lots of famous people were waiting to talk to her.
So I had to wait in line to see my friend.
And I finally get there and I go, wow, Susan, you're a big deal.
All these celebrities, everyone's lining up to talk to you.
I had to line up to say hi to you.
And she goes, yeah, and you'll do it again when we do the next set.
And then I always thought, I don't like this retard anymore.
She's an arrogant bitch.
She would still be arrogant.
That was the end of our friendship.
Yeah, I don't care if your special needs.
If you're a dick to me, we're done.
You don't get a handicap for you?
Because, you know, there's another side, the Republicans, they want to get elected too.
Oh, I know, but right now I'm just thinking.
I think you meant to say if they get elected.
Right, if and when.
Well, you've just said when.
You don't know for sure they're going to get elected.
But I'm saying if.
I meant to say if and when I say if they get elected.
Because there's Republicans.
They're not known for interface skills.
That's true.
Yeah.
So what's the question again?
But if and when Carrie Edwards get elected, what would you like to see me?
Yeah, right?
Yeah, yeah.
You don't really need to nail her on her grammar.
Yeah.
Fuck this, yeah.
Wolf Witzer, White House correspondent.
He is Trevor.
Witzer can't get cornered by special needs people.
He plays hardball.
Wolf demolishes interviewer.
What's her name?
Susan Sue Harrington.
Sue Harrington.
Yeah, she had a lot of flair to her, too.
Like that story I just told, she probably said, like, you bet your bottom dollar, Buster, and you're going to be lining up to talk to me again.
But he didn't put kids' gloves.
He didn't, you know, he was your mother when she was a cunt.
Right.
Whatever.
Equality.
This is way down the line.
I've just absolved the viewers of like 50 shitty letters.
If you star these, this would be massively easy for me to find.
These are all just as a red flag.
Okay.
So it's just going to be a star on yours.
Follow up from what you said about types of equality yesterday.
I see it as there are three types of equality.
Two are bad, one is good.
All right, this guy's been doing some thinking, smoking some Mary Jane, I assume.
One, and this one's bad.
It's called equal outcome, where everyone, I assume, makes $35,000 a year.
Two, equal opportunity.
He calls this one bad too.
Equal opportunity, an example.
Some people, me, have an IQ of 140.
Wow, he's very confident here.
About the same number of people have an IQ of 55.
Those two groups of people will never have the same opportunity.
There is no amount of regulation and social engineering that will give them equal opportunity.
Oh, I see what he's saying.
So equal outcome is everyone in America makes 35 grand a year.
Equal opportunity is every single person in the country gets to try being a CEO of a major data science company.
There's only so many people that could even handle that job for a day.
Right?
Three, and this one's good.
Equal standing before the law.
An example, a group of Antifa people get violent, they should be punished, the same as a group of right-wingers who get violent.
And then Mr. Genius says, say it one more time, equal standing before the law.
Yeah, dude, that's a wonderful little assessment you just did.
That's called not lefts.
That's called conservative politics.
That's what Pat Buchanan has been asking for for his entire life.
This is what we've all been asking for.
Equal standing before the law.
But what about the schools, the schools in the impoverished neighborhoods?
Yeah, my dad went to, worked in this, lived in the slums of Glasgow.
He's smart, so he got out.
His brothers weren't smart, so they ended up not getting out.
This is from a black woman, I believe.
Gavin Rye, throughout the pandemic, I didn't really take any precautions, just live my life as normal as possible.
And I work at a restaurant in LA where I'm touching plates, use silverware, and talking to people all day.
I took a COVID antibody test, and I did not have the antibodies.
That means I never got COVID, despite all of that.
I hate that the vaccines are being pushed so hard.
My fiancé is being forced to get the vaccine in order to be admitted to law school.
Isn't that hilarious?
In order to learn about the law, he's having his personal human rights violated.
Yeah.
We see the kind of lessons he's going to be taught.
He should hire a lawyer.
These are law schools today where you don't have to take rape law, the classes on rape, because it might be too traumatizing for you.
He worked so hard for so long to get in and didn't want it to be all for nothing.
He scored in the top 2% on the law school admissions test and feels that being a lawyer is his calling.
What would you do in this situation?
This will probably make our viewers very angry because we seem to be a very anti-vax show, but I would just fucking do it.
What the hell?
You got it, right, Maddie?
Yeah, I did.
Well, I have underlying medical conditions.
I mean, I know people who don't get it.
My kids and my wife got it.
They wanted to visit their in-laws who were sick.
And my in-laws is, my father-in-law is a scientist.
And he said, you can't come here without the COVID vaccine.
And I let them get it.
I'm not getting it.
But I'm not getting it.
It's not some massive political hill I'm standing on.
I'm just like, I don't feel like I'm at risk.
And it's not my cup of tea.
I don't think it has microchips.
I think there's a risk in getting it.
I think that's not very big.
But it's not my cup of tea.
So you might as well just do it.
Fuck.
You're not going to die.
Ooh, I can just smell the anger from our subscribers now.
Dude, check this out.
I keep getting these letters.
Your wife and kids are going to die.
It's not a nice thing to tell people, even if you believe it to be true.
Yeah.
What am I supposed to do now?
They're already taking it.
That's a quick way to not like somebody if they say that sentence.
Why did Gavin say on an episode a while back that he would never move to St. Louis?
Because it is full of wiggers.
I've lived here most of my life in the metro area of St. Louis.
Jesus H. Christ.
The metro area of St. Louis.
You know, I have another relative who's a surgeon, and he said he wants to Go, he wants to deal with the worst possible things.
Like a baby that got his eyelids cut off.
Like, I want the biggest challenges, someone with rebar through their neck, gang shootings.
And they go, oh, St. Louis.
The ER in St. Louis will give most people nightmares.
He's like, great.
That's where he cut his chops because there was so much gang violence.
There was always cool stuff to stitch up.
I don't get that job, by the way.
Isn't that weird?
You know, in the 1800s, surgeons were considered losers because they did gross shit.
It was a dirty job.
Yeah.
So does he have the magic sprinkles as a surgeon?
He does.
There you go.
God's will.
Like the guy at my gym, Jalapeno.
Did I tell you about him?
No?
He walks like this with his hand always in his right pocket, but he's magic.
He came here illegally from Mexico, probably like 30 years ago.
And they were all jumping over this giant fence.
One of the guys landed, shattered his ankle.
He said, go ahead.
He spoke English for some reason.
Go ahead, I say, you guys, stay here, man.
And Jalapeno goes, no, I'm going to fix you.
No, he didn't say that.
He said, no, I'm going to try and fix you.
He didn't know he was magic at the time.
He gets into the ankle.
He's walking like this.
And they go, jalapeno, you're magic.
And he goes, holy shit, man.
So to this day, he travels all over the country fixing his fellow Mexicans.
Holy shit.
Medicine man of Mexico.
He's a medicine man.
And he just, he doesn't use anything.
The verde mayo.
He just like touches them and does something and they're cured.
Now, I don't know why he doesn't do it on his own leg.
That would be serfish.
But there's no humor about it when they tell this story.
It sounds very serious.
He broke his leg.
It sounds very humorous.
Oh, okay.
We got you.
I've not had any experience with wiggers.
I've dealt with retard rednecks and left-wing lunatics, but not many Wiggers.
Well, that was not my experience.
I went to a big sort of outdoor party thing by the giant Lewis and Clark arch, and it was just nothing but Eminem dudes with do-rags on and low-slung jeans.
Yeah, I only stopped at St. Louis once to get gas and grab a bite to eat, like riding across country, and it was, you know, pretty sketchy.
Yeah.
It's gang warfare hell.
Also, some gratitude for you, guys.
Censored TV is the best hundred bucks I spent this year.
Thanks for the entertainment.
Bunnies and rainbow-colored farts.
Tim, my wife wants me to dress like you, and I'm not doing it.
Well, I'm wearing a t-shirt today, sir.
Oh, they probably got a lot of juggalos over there, too.
Yeah, I see it as a very juggalo-y place.
Actually, where's St. Louis again?
Missouri.
Missouri?
What is that, a wigger chart?
Close.
Let's see.
It's juggalos versus polar bears.
Okay, a few more polar bears.
What are polar bears?
Mostly juggalos is like, we're looking for blue.
Blue equals more.
What is a polar bear?
Polar bear.
Collecting all geotechnologies.
I've never heard of a polar bear.
Okay.
In fact, there are more juggalos on Earth right now than there are polar bears.
Okay.
Oh, actually, a choke chart.
Yep.
Yeah.
Go back up.
There's David Cross being funny.
I've never tried a Dave Cross impression.
I like making fun of juggalos.
It's poor, white trash who have single moms, and it's such the bourgeois, middle-class, liberal, white thing to do.
Jim Goat has written a lot about that.
Dear Green Hornet and Cato, Gavin, stop reliving your past.
Music about girls in relationships are gay.
I think you mean is gay.
Grow the fuck up.
Shit is getting real in the world.
Read the book of Revelation.
P.S. Face-to-Face is awesome.
You're dumb.
That was a lot of hurting me today.
Too much of indecence.
You have hurt me today.
Hey guys, I got into metal detecting a year ago.
It's an awesome hobby.
Every time I see those guys, I just think, how much money are you going to find and how much was your metal detector?
It's an awesome hobby to teach kids nowadays.
It teaches kids patience.
They get out in nature.
They learn history.
It's awesome to find stuff that the evil colonists dropped when our country was first getting started.
I live in Connecticut, so there's a lot of history.
Anywhere in New England is good, though.
So this is just a suggestion for any viewers that might be looking for something to do with their kids or just by themselves.
What do we think of that, Maddie?
I did it once when I was a child.
Was it boring?
I didn't find anything of any significance, so it didn't last too long.
I've attached some pics of the best finds I had from last year.
So over the course of a year, you find three fucking coins.
And they are a silver half rail from 1753.
Oh, you should.
Okay.
A Connecticut copper from 1788.
This is the Connecticut.
Before we had government-issued currency.
And an 1875 seated quarter.
I don't know.
Sorry, that's a no.
This one's pretty cool, though.
That first one?
No, it's not.
It's boring and stupid and gay.
Dear Gavin and Rye guy, more Norm McDonald-ness.
Isn't it funny how he's a Scottish Canadian and our viewers keep referencing him?
Maybe it's genetic.
And Maddie's Scottish.
Yep.
We keep getting pulled back to the mix.
Regarding that Darman airplane video you showed on Friday, I think the most realistic part of the video...
Oh yeah, this was the guy who said they would have been famous.
Also, here's a Norm McDonald video drop, both at 1057 and 1504.
You know, remember that whole controversy where he said he was gay and we couldn't tell if he was kidding or not?
I get a weird vibe from him and his not-funny sidekick, who's handsome and young.
Like Jackie Chan, who's not married, has this protege that he's been training for like 30 years.
And the guy's a young hunk.
He's a rough boy.
So I'm smelling some faggotry.
Captain Bennett.
Uh-oh.
Yeah, Adam Egret.
Adam Egret.
Hey, what the fuck?
Birds Aren't Real is a meme.
We covered that.
Here's one.
Do you play video games, Maddie?
No.
Unfortunately, no.
Gavin and Most Honorable Father to Be, I've been listening to your latest shows.
I believe your theory that keeps coming up about excessive video gameplay and feeling trans may have some merit.
I'm a guy, I'm in my 30s now, but when I was probably seven and well into my teens, I played video games constantly.
Now I play with my son maybe an hour a week.
There were and still are loads of games, usually fighting games that you probably heard of, like Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter.
Yes, we've got Street Fighter right there, that had superbly animated ladies you could play as.
I don't play those types of games anymore, but I can only imagine what the current state of graphics are like with these animated ladies.
Yeah, look up the latest Chun Lu in Street Fighter.
I think we're up to like six.
It's Chun Li, right?
Yeah.
Now remember what we learned about the trans thing.
It's not I'm a lady.
It's I'm a heterosexual man who loves ladies so much, I'm putting them on me.
Like smelling panties.
So you start from smelling panties and then you put the panties on.
You start smelling the socks or whatever and then you put the socks on.
Then you start saying I'm a lady.
So it's way sicker than just I'm a lady.
They're basically like put the lotion in the basket.
Like they want to cut off women's skin and put it on them and be like, like they have a boner when they do this.
So it's like, it's not I'm a lady.
It's like I have lady all over me.
La la la.
I have the lipstick.
I'm touching my tits that are lady tits.
But they're still like a weird psycho male that's possessed a woman.
Because it's the ultimate lay to be inside her body.
That's not just your dick, but your whole body's inside her body.
Put the lotion in the basket.
All right, so she looks pretty hot.
Here's the embarrassing part I think adds weight to your theory.
I recall around maybe age 14 or 15 playing some of these games for hours on end and at times feeling almost like I wanted to be one of these women, wanting to look like them and move like them.
I'd play as the women for gameplay reasons, like harder to hit and all that bullshit, but I really just got hard from looking at them, if I'm being honest.
Fucking weird, I know.
But what you've been saying lately struck a chord and dredged up, dragged up.
I think he means dredged up.
Some memories of that.
It's anecdotal, and of course, this probably isn't the only source of this trend today, but I personally think you're onto something.
And then he goes, you know how I didn't end up being a nut job trans and ended up being a father with a phenomenal wife today?
I had a great dad who looked out for me, made me do hard shit when the time called for it, who I appreciate still and just got drunk with last night and talked for hours with.
He is a supreme example.
This never got out of hand, but rest assured, he would have stamped it out if he did.
We need good fathers more than ever.
Fuck him.
Wheezing.
That reminds me of another guy who sent us a video about his dad.
And it was a pretty cool thingamedoodle.
Yeah, here we go.
So this is called, it's from July 13th.
It's an oldie, but a goodie.
Vanity Fair article at my father's passing.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Vanity Fair article sucked.
He was talking about himself the whole time.
As if he were an 80-year-old man looking back on the great successes of his super interesting life.
He's talking about the author, when in reality, the only interesting thing about him is he's around to ride the coattails of someone truly interesting, blah, blah, blah.
This is where it gets good.
My dad passed away super suddenly at our Memorial Day barbecue.
He was truly an exceptional human being and sadly one of the last of a dying breed.
He thrived in the 80s, starting a beautiful family.
What kind of bike is that, Maddie?
That is a shovelhead.
That's probably anywhere between 72 and 1980.
Harley Davison.
He started a beautiful family, working his ass off, and yes, wearing short shorts.
I just thought you might be interested because you always talk about how MAGA means us getting back to the 80s in America.
I'm only 24.
My mom passed away when I was four, so he's the only parent I ever really knew.
The only thing that brings me peace is knowing he got to live his youth during America's golden age and that we partied, danced, and told each other we loved each other until the day he passed.
Definitely the most traumatic shit I've ever been through, though.
We always hear that people can die any second, but having it actually happen to the person you love most in the world right in front of you fucks you up on another level.
I know you and I don't know each other and you might not care very much, but he lived an amazing, interesting life and I promise it's worth reading about.
He found a smoke show to call his wife, learned a trade and worked his ass off, started a beautiful family and was a rock to all four of his kids for as long as he lived.
Basically lived the American dream.
This guy's a little too verbose.
Anyway, you should show pics of him after John and Max.
Yeah, what a cool dude.
Yeah, he was doing it.
Is that the shovelhead?
Yeah, that's the shovelhead.
What does shovelhead mean?
What's that come from?
That's the type of, like, Harley's would refer to as by the types of mode.
You have panhead, shovelhead, knucklehead, flathead, blockhead.
I see.
He looks like an awesome dude.
Minus the flip-flops.
And look how hot the wife was.
Holy shit, she was only a mom for four years?
What the hell happened to her, do you think?
Here, I got an idea.
I'll email him back and say, How'd your mom die?
And maybe by the time we're done the show.
Yeah, maybe.
It's worth a shot.
His obituary is here.
It was funny, he referred to his mom as a smokeshow.
Well, it might be a woman, actually.
Arbella?
Oh, maybe.
That sounds kind of like a chick's name.
Smoke show of a wife.
Learn to trade more cards.
Yeah, it's a girl's name.
Okay, let's get back to the task at hand.
Educating children.
Listen, you talk about educating children about a story to mine about one of my close friends and his daughter growing up in New Zealand.
She was a poor student, not interested in applying herself.
He told me how the school had hired a fundamental Christian teacher from South Africa, and his daughter happened to be placed under his care.
After a quick introductory period, he segregated the classroom into stupid kids and smart kids.
I might be getting the precise terminology he used wrong, but the story goes that the teacher was very blunt and it drew some criticism from parents.
In response to my friend Gary's questioning, how can you refer to the kids that?
So the teacher separated them from stupid kids and smart kids, put them in different areas.
And the father found out his daughter was in with the stupid kids.
And he said, how can you refer to kids that way?
It'll hurt their self-esteem.
And the teacher said, but they are stupid.
They don't want to learn.
I separate them that way so the kids who want to learn can get on without being dragged down.
Gary's daughter was stuck in the stupid class.
Fast forward a few years and she graduated top of her year in mathematics and went on to become a chartered accountant at a large firm, technically in charge of almost 100 people below her.
If that's not impressive enough, she was on track to become a partner in the firm, but turned it down to focus on being a wife and a mother.
She's now happily married with four kids and a very proud father.
She's not a proud father.
Her father's a proud father.
I mean, her husband's a proud father.
It seems clear to her father that she would have never applied herself without being given that rude assignation of stupid, without being formed of the higher standard.
She might never have thought to strive for it.
Yep, the good old days when you could call kids stupid.
I really do feel that way.
All right, so that was under father.
Let's get back to...
I'd like to apologize for my wheezing.
I guess there's a pollen influx turning off the AC maybe?
The air is very bad quality today.
Oh, yeah?
You can see it.
It looks fucking musty outside.
Is that a thing?
Yeah.
Yeah, it should say it on your app on the weather.
It says air quality.
Yeah, I didn't know that was a thing.
Air quality 146, unhealthy for sensitive groups.
Yeah.
You could look outside and see it.
It's like there's a haze.
Looks like LA.
Hmm.
It's like thick.
Suzanne, red pill your kids.
Hi, G-Dog.
Thanks for sharing your recent challenges with red pilling your daughter.
I agree with actively nudging your kids in the right direction, and that has worked for my 16-year-old son so far.
Can you tell us what your parents did wrong, considering you became a massive rebel who almost had his dick cut off?
Well, I did almost get my tubes tied.
I think my parents never really discussed politics.
But I would argue nobody did.
There was Vietnam when every home was political.
But when you think about the 80s, it didn't consume everything the way it does today.
Make politics gay again.
Yeah.
We had a shitty prime minister, Pierre Trudeau, Justin's dad.
And I don't think my dad liked him.
But even today, my parents talk about politics all the time.
And I don't remember it being discussed as a kid back then.
Back then, you didn't really see your parents either.
Like, I didn't know what my dad did.
His business card said manager of fire control.
And I thought that was like a fireman, but it was firing like from a cannon.
I didn't learn that till very later on.
Did you know what your dad did?
I just knew he worked for the phone company.
I mean, what he did, I found out later on in life what he did.
He was a lineman.
So he was the guy that made sure that the wires were working.
Correct.
Like up on the telephone poles and the bucket trucks and like if the storm hit, knock the wires down.
Didn't he end up there by accident?
Yeah.
He got out of the Navy and his friend told him, oh, I'm working at Con Edison.
Come down to fill out an application at Con Ed in the Bronx.
And he walked into the wrong building and he said, I'm here to fill out a job for Con Ed, a job application for Con Ed.
And they're like, no, this is the phone company.
Con Ed's across the street.
And they said, we're hiring two.
And he filled out an application there.
He worked at the phone company 27 years.
That's not a good one.
Aaron Cross.
I was talking about Hobo Johnson a lot.
It got a lot of people mad.
They thought he's gay.
Hobo Johnson says he's Portuguese and Mexican.
He means Portuguese American, probably.
There's a big Portuguese descendant population.
They came to America a few generations ago to work the dairy farms that were started by Dutch immigrants before that.
Eventually the Portuguese took over those farms.
Now those Portuguese Americans are mostly just regular middle-class people.
Ah.
Nothing wrong with that.
Nothing wrong with that.
This guy I found years ago, he's got the sprinkles in my opinion.
Ever heard of him?
Scroobious Pip?
Yeah, I interviewed him before I had any shows on street carnage back in the day.
I know it sounds weird.
I do want you to look back on this and smile.
What are you doing?
I got two keyboards here and I fucked up.
Scrubulous pipped.
Nope, not even the movie picture.
So wait a minute.
I interviewed this guy in 2009.
I Wonder what he's doing today.
He's got a better song where he talks about all these bands that we worship and how they don't deserve it.
Scroobious Pip.
Crass.
Just a band.
That's the jam.
Thou shalt always kill.
When was that put up?
That's gotta be 08.
Yep, April 08.
Play something.
Thou shalt not steal if there is a direct victim.
Thou shalt not worship pop idols or follow pop idols.
Thou shalt not take the names of Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Johnny Hartman, Desmond Decker, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, or Sid Barrett in vain.
Thou shalt not think any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a paedophile.
Some people are just nice.
Thou shalt not read enemy.
Thou shalt not stop liking a band just because they become popular.
Thou shalt not question Stephen.
Oh, so he's an actor now.
I believe he has a podcast too.
He has a podcast, but he's an actor in a law and order type of action show called Debris.
Ooh.
That's furgish.
Alright.
That was fun.
Kebby, I just wanted to write in thank you for helping to clarify my belief system in the past few years, inspired me to be a man and put a ring on it.
I proposed to my wonderful fiancé, Lauren, over the weekend on a trip to a little beach town on Lake Michigan.
You hear that, Ryan?
That sounds nice.
We can't wait to start a new chapter in our lives and start pumping out beautiful Western babies.
This is exactly why the commie shitheads are so afraid of you.
You can't brainwash and make sheep of men who stand by their convictions and by what is objectively true.
So thank you for everything you've done to strengthen the American family and all the laughs along the way.
Here she is.
She wrote that.
She did that withnail and I painting.
Oh, yeah.
There we are.
Congratulations, dude.
Congratulations.
Oh, my God.
I said congratulations.
And then that's the guy.
Withnail says that.
That's great.
Show him.
Congratulations.
Hey, Gav, in the past, you've done videos on how you've enjoyed Latin Mass and how it's peaceful and makes you thankful for existing during it.
It is a wonderful experience.
You ever go to Latin Mass?
Latin Mass?
No.
It's great.
Do you like church?
I've gone all throughout my life.
Not regularly.
What do you think of it?
Do you believe in God?
Yeah.
Something's got to be out there.
Something's going on.
Something's going on.
Someone's up to something.
Anyways, have you seen the new encyclical in which he is restricting the Latin Mass?
Pope Francis told those who wanted to say the traditional Mass to submit a formal request to the Dioecian bishop.
I think this is a PC thing where Latin used to be, the books used to be only for the elite church.
And Latin used to be only for the aristocrats.
Yeah.
The educated and wealthy.
And the educated and wealthy, so the poor couldn't understand it.
And it was used as a way to separate them, allegedly.
I don't know.
So they're going back to that.
Now, the thing about Latin Mass is it was getting really popular with young people.
And it was bringing in young people into the Catholic Church.
So in the name of political correctness, they just cut out the youngsters, which is like it's suicide.
You're nowhere without young people.
The document also calls for bishops to ensure that people who attend Latin Mass do not deny the validity and legitimacy of the Second Vatican Council, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
The Latin Mass has become a focal point in the conservative liberal culture war between U.S. Catholics, much like the current culture of the United States, which parallels divisions in the country at large.
Traditional forms of worship, like the Latin Mass, generally are favored by conservative Catholics, while left-leaning Catholics typically prefer more contemporary styles of prayer.
Yeah, I get that.
But why restrict the one group who wants Latin Mass?
It's none of your fucking business.
What are your thoughts on this decree?
I think it's fucking stupid.
One time we were at the Knights of Columbus in Hell's Kitchen, and they were talking about some rules that have been handed down.
I can't remember what it was.
They've changed all the various degrees, first degree, second degree, what you have to do to get into them.
And our main guy was like, you know what?
If they keep this shit up, we'll just run this ourselves and separate ourselves from the church, be a satellite council.
I like hearing that.
I'm pretty new to Christianity, so I just assumed everyone was a bootlicker.
And then I have this other friend who, his kids were made with surrogate.
Yeah.
And he was going to get them baptized.
And his dad said, I don't know, the church is kind of back and forth on surrogates.
And he said, if that fucking priest, with all that's going on with them these days, has any problem with me and my kids, I will pick him up and I'll throw him out one of those fucking stained glass windows.
Like when my younger brother and my younger sister were going to get baptized, because my mother was Protestant.
Oh, yeah.
My father was Catholic.
The priest didn't want to baptize my younger brother, my younger sister.
It was a big to-do.
My mother had to convert.
Really?
Yeah.
And did she really convert or did she just say that?
My mother was, I wouldn't say she was the most religious woman in the world, but she damn sure made me went every Sunday to Sunday school and CCD and we all got confirmed and baptized.
So she spent some time there.
Now, the difference between this is going to sound really stupid, but the difference between Catholics and Protestants is Protestants are more like by the people, for the people.
They want to take the hierarchy out of it.
And the Catholics are more like this person has been ordained by God.
He's more special than you.
We're not all equal.
But as far as the belief system, I don't think there's much of a difference, is there?
No, they all believe that.
I believe Protestants don't believe in idoltry.
Like, there's no statues of Mary.
There's no...
It's only God and Jesus and the Holy Trinity.
Like, they don't have what they would consider Catholics as false idols.
Yeah.
And then with Jews, it's just really that Jesus' miracles they have a problem with.
That was only three months.
Why all the disagreement?
The biggest difference between Catholicism and Judaism is that they don't believe that Jesus was the Son of God.
They're still waiting for the Messiah.
Right.
They believe he was around.
He was just around the world.
Yes, they acknowledge his existence.
They just don't think he was the Son of God.
They just think Mary was a slut who got pregnant and was looking for an excuse.
Yeah.
Which is very rude.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm not running to be read on air or anything.
Uh-oh.
But I wanted Ryan to know about Christian healthcare ministries.
Oh, yeah, you told me about that.
Yes, I did.
So the deal with, he goes on to explain it.
It's think of it as a pot.
Everyone puts money in the pot.
Now, he says you have to pay $500 copay.
I shouldn't say copay.
So if you go in there and your injury is $499, it's on you.
If it's $501, you pay it with your money, but they pay you back.
Okay, I got you.
Yeah, and it's up to you.
And if you get candy.
Well, yeah.
So if you get like fucking neck cancer, throat cancer, and your bill's $25 million, they'll pay the $25 million.
Right.
But when I did it, I had my, whatever you call it, write-off thing, was $1,000.
Your deductible?
Deductible, yeah.
My deductible was $1,000 for me and my wife, and then $500 for the kids.
It's pretty good.
Yeah, it's pretty cheap, too.
And because I had $1,000 deductible, my monthly payment was pretty cheap.
That's awesome.
Oh, yeah, we're definitely looking at it.
That's going to be one of the top contenders.
And Coulter told me about it.
So the only bummer with it is you have to pay it yourself.
So you better have, if you have $1,000 deductible, you better have $999 floating around in your bank account.
Or if you go to the hospital, just do something worse to yourself, so that way it'll cover the deductible.
Yeah.
Just bite off part of your lip.
No problem.
I do that every day.
This is from a guy named Manuel Music from Argentina for the intro.
I didn't think this was good enough for the intro, but you might want to hear it anyway.
This is from 1996.
Sounds like chopsticks.
Zoom out button so people can see who it is.
And then 2014.
A different artiste.
Oh, this is a chick who shows her boobies.
Booby break.
In the video?
Yeah, sometimes you can get away with showing tits.
If it's art.
Yes.
And she has paint all over them.
They're great tits.
I guess that's why we're seeing them, right?
If a woman had terrible ferret heads, she wouldn't be dancing around with her shirt off.
That's hardly painted tits.
That might just be a nipple disease.
Who let you fornicate with her?
Yep.
Can this be arranged?
You don't gather she might be shy in the sack?
You think she's self-conscious?
Yeah, she might tend to up.
I'm kind of getting bunny boiler vibes off her, though.
It would be an amazing lay.
It would be really fun.
And then she'd be on you like a chicken.
The bat shit crazy comes free with the vagina.
That was a lady that was stalking Maddie.
And she explained that she is batshit crazy and it comes free with the pussy.
Comes free with the vagina.
Yes, it does.
Hey, Gavin Fagbag.
I just started reading The Death of the West.
And my God, it's one of the best books I've ever read.
I can't get away from it.
Everything in it just really shows you why and how we got to where we are as a nation in the West overall.
One thing I loved that I've read so far is for agricultural jobs brought us extended families.
God, his fucking writing is brutal.
One thing I've read so far is that agricultural jobs brought us extended families and industrial jobs brought us the nuclear family.
Now we have to worry about equal rights in which work leads to the non-family, which I grew up with and really isn't good for kids mental.
It's not really good for kids' grammar either.
Love the show, you guys.
P.S. I want you to fuck me with your heels on, but don't get caught.
I'm not 18.
No, thank you.
We were obsessed with modern baseball last week, and lots of people wrote in to tell us that our worst fears were confirmed, and that Mr. Romantic, the singer there, lost his fucking mind.
Oh, he changed his pronouns.
He did change his pronouns.
They.
Yep.
Oh, God.
He also got up on a group to kill himself.
Oh.
Because he missed the guy so much after they were done a tour.
Brendan, Jake, Ian, Sean.
These four boys didn't know yet, but they all would eventually meet and change the face of rock and roll forever.
It all started to be a little bit more.
Okay, so you can leave that up, but turn the music off.
After their album Holy Ghost came out, they shortly later became one of my favorites, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Short documentary here.
Anyway, Brennan Lucas is the super emotional fat guy you see in the music videos, the singer.
He's been affected by the whole gender identity crisis going on.
Turns out he is a they, and now they are no longer a band.
And then he puts in brackets, see why this gibberish isn't going to work?
He is a they and they are no longer a band.
Which they?
Yeah.
It's a super shame because you'll learn in the documentary he did half of, he did his half of the Holy Ghost album in like two days all last second.
Yeah, I could tell he had the sprinkles.
You can tell he's just got a magical gift from God, but he's also a troubled soul and a manic depressive, I guess.
Maybe a touch of mental illness.
Yep.
Maybe that's what it takes sometimes to be that gifted of an artist.
In my opinion, they're really great to jam and sing like a fag when you're having that type of day.
They're incredibly unique as a band because they both write songs and yet the album flows really well.
On the bright side, Jake and the other singer are still making music with other band members.
You can find them at titles as Slaughter Beach Dog.
Still good music, but more laid-back than modern baseball.
I like you more than a friend.
So yeah, I think if you go in, go into like 10.30, Ryan, or let me see the slider.
Yeah, that's it.
Back when he was in the bedroom?
No.
Smoking a ton of weed and just not doing life at all.
Just cutting and smoking and not doing life.
The mood swings are one thing where, like, we're all very aware of it.
We talked about the backlift.
But it's far easier to be like, dude, Margie being such a dick than it is to be like, I'm worried about you.
It's like Daniel Johnson.
Guys, I don't think he chose the best music to play in the background.
Or the right volume?
Yeah.
It's really irritating.
Are they trying to mimic what it's like to have severe mental problems?
Because that's how I feel right now.
Can't hear you.
At his worst, he edited this video.
I can't hear you.
After the Say Anything Tor, we all split weights.
No, there's not two things playing at once.
For whatever reason.
Yeah, yeah.
Press pods.
Okay, I would have killed your entire family if you had something else on.
I would have held them down.
Hey, guys, run hot water down your beer taps and put saran wrap on the edge of your fucking tap.
For a flu flies.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
We had so many fruit flies yesterday, and it's because we have one working tap.
The rest of them are fake, I'm willing to admit.
So because of one hole that big, I don't get fruit flies.
Where do they come from?
Homeboys get my leg.
I don't understand.
They just spawn, right?
Like if I had a strawberry in a perfectly hermetically sealed Tupperware, would it have fruit flies on it?
Where do they come from?
They're going down the street.
Like fucking pollen.
They're up here.
They hear about strawberries and they come into our building.
If you say strawberries, I think.
Did we say any fruits out loud?
I don't understand.
Like, I want to take a piece of fruit, let it get infested with fruit flies, and then like reverse, go to the cameras.
Fruit flies can breed in many areas.
And reverse.
I got you on that.
From where?
They can smell fruit from very far away and get into your home through the smallest of holes, making it appear like they came from nowhere.
So they smelled...
Wait a minute.
They smelled our beer tap from outside on the street.
It could have been something else.
The back door alarm did go off last week.
It was probably a fruit fly.
Maybe they got like a thousand of them together to make a giant hand.
Yeah, to open it up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe it was Dref Goblum who came in and he was the fly.
Like, you guys can't see the studio, but there's not a lot of doors here.
Yeah, but it said that it could fit through a hole so like Brian Stettler's wife-size hole.
And so that's impressive.
To get into your home through the smallest of holes, making it appear like they came from nowhere.
Inspect the following areas to find the decaying organisms.
Okay, where's the problem there?
I'm annoyed with you, by the way.
They get in through the smallest of holes.
That should be 98% of this entire story.
What holes?
How big?
Where?
He just throws that out there.
They get in through the smallest of holes.
And they're just cruising around the neighborhood?
I've never seen a fruit fly outdoors.
Yeah, if only.
Only indoors.
You see turkey vultures riding the thermals 100 feet high looking for roadkill.
That we've all seen.
Hello?
Hi.
I'm shooting up.
I'm banking a show for when we go away.
Can I ask you a question?
Are you busy?
I guess you could ask me a question.
It doesn't make for very good TV.
I'll put up a video in the meantime.
And his pickup game at 6.
So last week Rhyme was over and kind of drinking some beers in the garage.
Okay, well you could bring him to the studio.
I guess we were dumping the extra beer down the drain, down the sea drain here.
Yeah.
So it came up through the drains?
Where did they come from?
We had some fruit flies.
So I said, all right, let me look up on the internet.
And I did on how to get rid of them.
Apple cider vinegar.
This is the red wine with the dish soap.
This is the apple cider vinegar with the dish soap.
Oh, so they go in it and the dish soap kills them.
These have been out now.
Usually people put apple cider vinegar in a jar like that, and they take a piece of paper and they make it like a funnel.
Yeah, with a tiny little bit.
What Jimmy was talking about.
But he said, I don't know how to...
I can't do the cone.
Yeah.
You couldn't make a cone out of it.
You can't make a cone?
Jessica's pretty good.
Hey, Jimmy, I'm done.
What is it?
You got to make the hole so small that when they crawl down in there to get the apple cider vinegar, they can't find their way out.
I got it.
I'm done.
Yeah.
I think you have to make the diameter of the cone hole 200 Stettler spouse pussies lengths.
Where the fuck did these come from?
Look at the sink.
I'm lost.
So when I walk down the street, there's thousands of fruit flies just like...
No, there's not.
And we had that tap, that's one little dot.
We don't have a lot of fruit in here.
So that was one tiny dot in the studio.
And remember, there must have been, I must have caught like four or five fruit flies.
Right, basically, what I want to do is I'm the only geezer in London who's got roaches.
I've never seen roaches in Britain ever.
This is one of the worst I've ever seen.
With an investigation of this magnitude, Pete's going to have to use the whole forces available to him to even stand a chance of getting the upper hand.
That actually doesn't look like the most gross thing I've ever seen.
I've seen more shows in New York City.
It's probably the worst in Britain's history.
Dude, Larry Izzo is a comedian, but he was a fucking exterminator for all his life.
And he, oh my god, there's shit that this motherfucker can tell you.
Like, he was just raining roaches in this school.
They shut down the whole school.
He went in there, he poked the ceiling with a thing, and then just rained roaches.
He's like thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands, just a plague level amount of roaches.
And he's telling me like it's nothing.
He doesn't care.
He won't flinch at any of these.
Rats, too.
He's like, yeah, I've been covered in rats.
Big deal.
And you're like, Larry, you don't understand what that means to other people that are not you.
You can't.
Well, rats, I mean, roaches, whatever.
It's just gross.
And then you don't want them to get all over you because they have eggs in your clothes.
But rats will bite you.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This woman with the barflies also says a whistleblower signed an affidavit saying 45,000 vaccine deaths were not reported.
And then she said, please don't take the shot.
Well, my wife and kids already did, so in a way, I already did.
Here's someone saying that I should endorse Black Rifle Coffee just to fuck with them and say Proud Boys Strong.
Wow.
I, I'm the founder of Proud Boys, and when I wake up, I have some Black Rifle Coffee.
I don't know if you'd be owning them because they'd be making money from it, though.
I don't think they would.
They'd be like, oh, go ahead.
That's you trying to own me?
Oh, this is an interesting one.
Space Jam 2 is a great movie.
How far are we?
Okay, there we go.
I know this sounds insane, but in spite of the shitty acting and levels of wokeness, and then he has in brackets WNBA players being among the elite players, this movie is a great family movie focusing on dads.
LeBron is trying to push his son to be great, and it's a great journey with the mom kind of playing back seat, which is something I haven't seen in a long time.
It's also anti-screen, as the bad guy is a computer program.
I was honestly shocked as I hate LeBron and the new woke films, but I found myself and my son absolutely loving it.
What in the Matrix?
Hell yeah.
What are the odds you're gonna land where your son is?
I am the king of this domain.
This is the service.
I am the computer now.
I am the king, which is the king of this domain.
Send this clown to the rejects.
You are the man who is the bald basketball player.
What is this?
I'm a cartoon?
I'm a cartoon.
I need to attack.
Space Jam song rule.
Give my son back.
I know what you're looking for.
Dream team.
Come on.
All right, that's enough.
Hey, Scotch and Saki, nobody will gamble with me on the exact date of Ellen Page's eventual tranny suicide.
Any takers?
I say around December 25th of this year.
Maybe a secondary on the first day of school for people who didn't cut their big fun tits off or have irreversible fertility-ending surgery.
You think she's going to kill herself?
I don't know.
She doesn't seem very cheery.
She was really pumped about her flat chests.
With the pool.
Yeah.
I remember that tweet where someone says Ellen Page could beat the shit out of any of us, and I love it.
Oh, no, not Ellen Page.
Elliot Page.
Do you know who we're talking about?
No.
The actor from Juno, she cut her tits off, and she's a man now.
Oh.
Yeah, that's all it takes.
I hate when they do that.
Like, you still have a cunt.
Help the actor psychologically.
And what does Hollywood think about Elliot Page?
Hi, I'm Janet, and you're watching Awesa.
Before, Ellen Page grew up in Nova Scotia, where she was regularly raped by casting agents.
Several small roles followed in what Paige's family tried to make a normal childhood until everything changed in 2005 when Paige appeared in the revenge thriller Hard Candy.
Hollywood took notice.
And two years later, she was the face of Juno, a film that earned the actor her first Oscar nomination.
But Juno also had other consequences.
A year after the film's release, scores of 17-year-olds around the U.S. were getting pregnant in what Time magazine dubbed the Juno effect.
Feeling partly responsible and wholly uncomfortable, Paige tried to disappear from Hollywood for a while.
But when you're talented, that's a bit of a challenge.
And the actor later went on to secure a few life-changing roles.
From inception to X-Men, Ellen Paige was everywhere.
Is it good that you made a bunch of babies?
In 2014, Paige publicly came out as gay during a speech at a human rights event.
At the time, she said, I am tired of hiding and I am tired of lying by omission.
I suffer from hiding.
Hiding must be so hard for an actress in the 2000s to be gay.
No roles available.
When I started to become known, people cannot know you're gay.
Maybe black males who play tough guys in movies exclusively.
Maybe a dyke not only did it mean being forced to maintain an image that wasn't real, but it meant conforming to various pressures, including find her.
Remember, she was bawling her eyes out with Jimmy Fallon?
I think it was Colbert.
Colbert?
Yeah, it was Colbert.
And it was based on a hoax.
Remember that?
Oh, Jesse Small A. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jesse Smalley.
She was crying hysterically about how that was typical of what gays go through these days.
Where he was attacked, and the racists threw bleach on him to make him white.
And it was a night that was so cold, bleach would have been frozen.
The new Netflix series, The Umbrella Academy.
Please welcome back to the late show, Ellen Page.
You misgendered her in the past.
Look at that fucking forehead.
The five head.
What a great argument for bangs.
It's got lumps and bumps.
I mean, shit, lady.
You hear a delight.
How have you been?
I've been well.
How's your forehead been?
All over the world.
Where have you been?
I've just been working.
Do you live here in New York?
Do you live on the bus?
I just moved here.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you ever live here before?
Thank you so much.
Did you live here before?
Briefly, I've shot movies, you know what I'm saying?
But nothing.
Greatest city in the world, right here.
That's the beauty of it.
Congratulations.
Thank you so much.
Excellent choice.
Excellent.
Boring.
Get to the tears.
I know that this is your forehead yet more coming up.
You just had your first anniversary of your marriage.
I did.
These days is on a work and you don't want to ruffle any feathers.
Is it that long?
It's like this is something that's happening.
And it's happening to most marginalized people and we need to be talking about it.
It's really serious.
We've been told as we know it that by 2030, the world as we know it, that's it.
That's it.
If it was a movie, we'd have Bruce Willis in a suit like talking about something, please catch me.
And said, but you have like a million dollars.
I want to see you cry.
I can just pray that it...
So the world's going to be over in nine years?
This is what happens.
Look, if you are in a position of power and you hate people and you want to cause suffering to them.
Oh, this is good.
Let me just explain what's going on here.
Not only is Juicy Smalley real, but it was Trump's fault.
He ginned up all this hate against gays and blacks, and it worked.
And Juicy got the shit kicked out of him.
Thanks a lot, Trump.
He was in court last week.
Who was, Juicy?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
That's still going?
Because he's still being prosecuted, even though the District Attorney of Chicago threw it out.
I forget who picked it up, the state or the feds.
And weren't they trying to sue him for all the money?
Oh, yeah.
The investigation and all the money that went into it.
Justice Smolley returns to court over conflict of interest.
Over years past, since blah, blah, blah.
A recent court appearance had had to do with Smollier's attorney talking to the brothers.
It's unclear.
It was the two twins he hired.
What was allegedly said, but USA Today reports that the Osner claim was about the case.
The hearing was closed with no media allowed, so it's not known, blah, blah, blah.
So his lawyers spoke to those brothers.
That sounds like a bribe.
He was probably offering them like $100,000 to fuck off.
Yeah, it was about them receiving the check.
Something happened to do with the check they got paid by Juicy Smollett.
And because they had prior contact before criminal action and stuff like that.
So now he's trying to say that my lawyer has a conflict of interest because he talked to these two before the criminal acts.
Why is he holding hands with a woman?
How much contact the Osandaro brothers are going to court?
That's what you were signing on with my brothers say to you.
And you are in court.
He is Uchi, who now represents Smollett.
Uchi denies having that conversation with him.
A special prosecutor.
So yeah, are we going to see this bitch cry or what?
Kids are going to be abused and they're going to kill themselves.
And people are going to be beaten on the street.
She's in a movie right now.
I have traveled the world and I have met the most marginalized people you can meet.
I am lucky to have this time and the privilege to say this.
This needs to stop.
Yeah.
Wow.
Thank you for doing a performance on the show.
I just remembered my old company gave her a show, Gay Cation, where she traveled the world meeting various gays.
Did she get an Emmy?
You know what?
She's working her way to an actual man.
She's not a man yet.
She's like Jared Holt level right now.
Yeah.
Like see the face.
She's a 10-year-old boy.
They have to go.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, they never become men-men.
No, they become...
Or mechanics.
They're always like these weird homosexual men.
I'm in a boy band.
They always look like little boys.
Look at that.
At least she finally got bangs.
I did a testosterone test and it came back as Natalie Imbruglia.
I don't know if that's good or bad.
What the fuck is this?
What is that little thing?
Imagine getting in a fight with it.
Look at how delicate this picture is.
Yeah.
You could just blow it away.
Me and the guys just hanging out.
We're working on my bike.
I had to change the air filters.
And then we had to do some electrical.
That shit is, it's like spaghetti in there.
I don't even know what the fuck to do.
My indicators don't work.
So I had my buddy Tex come by.
He's an electric wizard.
Toxic masculinity will be the name of this photo in five years.
I got to work on that joke, Maddie.
What's the hardest thing?
What's the hardest motorcycle repair to do?
Oof.
I mean, I would say to true flywheels.
I got to chew some flywheels with my boys there.
They're wobbling all over the place.
Yeah.
No good.
Do we have any interviews with Elliot Page as Elliot Page?
I want to hear him talk about all the bullshit going on these fucking days.
Hey, Oprah.
It would be funny if one of these guys becomes a guy and they just are always talking about pussy.
Hey, what's going on?
Fuck, you should have seen the chick outside.
I'm on way here, Felon.
Fucking big fucking dicks.
And then they would realize that that's toxic masculinity.
That's objectifying women.
Good.
I love objectifying women.
I'm a dude.
After coming out as trans, this is your first television interview as a trans man.
Elliot Hage.
She's in a trailer for the Oprah Club.
Big fucking deal, Oprah.
She's just a white male.
What do we want to hear from a white male?
All the trauma aside.
Even the little shoes.
She looks like a girl.
Look at her brand new shoes with her little outfit.
All you did, you're just a fucking weird dyke who's a drama queen who cut her tits off.
The Oscar-nominated actress.
She's leaning back, you know, like a dude, just kind of chilling back.
And the sitting, look at sitting.
All the trauma aside that it took you to get here.
The courage that it took you to stand within the tits off.
To cosplay as the best gender.
By the way, it fucking kills cutting your tits off.
Remember when Natty Goetz did it?
She'd be in a wheelchair for days, and if the wheelchair hit a bump, it was just searing pain.
I mean, imagine.
No.
If you work your pecs out too much and you go down the stairs, it's like, oh, I mean, that's a lot of meat to take out.
Imagine what your body's thinking.
Your body's like, where the fuck did the tits go?
Where are those big fucker tits?
I can't do it as good as you guys.
Truth of yourself.
And to do the thing.
Let them talk, Oprah.
You've always known you needed to be aware of it.
Why are you woman's planning?
What part of your transition has actually brought you the most joy?
Goodness, what has brought me the most joy?
The most joy?
Mendel, feel joy.
It's the little, it's, you know, getting out of the shower and the towels around your waist and you're looking at yourself in the mirror and you're just like, there I am.
The upcoming interview.
Elliot's announced the break.
There I am.
First question, 10 seconds into the answer.
There, hi, that's me.
Could she have not put the towel around her waist as a woman?
Yeah.
And looked in the mirror?
I don't know.
Just be aware of that.
And by the way, you don't see this when you look in the mirror.
No.
You see a hairless chest with two brutal cesarean scars right here that look like World War II vet-like shrapnel.
Yeah.
This is the best we could do for you, son.
The good news is, y'all gotta live.
The bad news is we had to remove your tits.
You got trench tit, kiddo.
I mean, it doesn't look like most trans women like Jazz Bona, they try to grow facial hair.
Yeah.
Even the pregnant husband, she grew facial hair.
Yeah, I think she's starting, or maybe this is the new thing.
I mean, that jawline looks pretty fucking synthetic.
I have a feeling she doesn't want to be like gross and hairy.
She's like, I happen to be a smooth dude.
She's half-assed.
Is she going to get a role?
What role is she going to play?
Just a regular guy in like a kid's high school show?
Hey, I'm Joey.
Yeah.
I think you probably...
That would be interesting to see what kind of role she gets if she ever works again.
Basketball protainment.
So you're the new kid.
My name's Joe.
Let's see what you got.
Just being in a t-shirt.
So just dressing again.
So the biggest, your favorite part is the no tits.
That's twice now.
Okay, I got you.
T-shirts, towels.
Anything else?
Anything that's not a key table?
Being in a t-shirt.
Shoes?
Socks.
Iced tea.
Just not having tits, I guess.
It's being able to.
So three.
Oh, wait.
I get it.
Three.
What's the best three things about cutting your tits off?
Having no tits, not having tits, and then having no tits.
And then this.
You know, just going like this.
Doing the macarena.
Just doing the first two moves in the macarena.
Touch my chest.
Oh, wow.
This person is mentally ill.
Feel comfortable in my body for the probably the first time.
Yeah, you seem really comfortable.
Yeah, you seem comfortable.
Tears of joy.
You seem pretty chill there, Elliot.
Tears of joy, dude.
Tears of joy, dude.
That's not even how we cry.
I feel comfortable in my body for the probably the first time.
Tears of joy.
Convincing.
I would need more.
I'm just as convincing as her time, but I would need more Elliot Page.
Toughen up, son.
You can act like a man.
What are you a fucking pussy?
Tears of joy.
In March, the Umbrella Academy star became the first transgender man to be featured solo on the cover of Time Act.
That's not true.
There's a fucking dog in there, too.
You assholes.
Edwin.
Look at that meek dog.
I need more Elliot talking about it.
Became the first transgender man to be featured solo on the Time Act.
Answer one question as a normal dude.
It says protect transport dying matters.
In an interview with Vanity Fair, Elliot said.
Trans children are dying.
Who the fuck thinks that?
Where are trans children?
They're just getting killed by like Nazi skinheads?
Their parents?
I don't know.
They're dying from fucking children.
I'm sure it's happening in shithole countries like India and stuff, where they kill you for being a fag.
They just throw you off the roof.
Why are you making and if it is your top priority?
Shouldn't you be over in Saudi Arabia and fucking the Caribbean and all that stuff where it's illegal to be gay?
What are you doing here, bitching about it?
In fucking San Bernardino.
He calls the anti-trans rhetoric in our culture, quote, devastating, and points to the recent wave of controversial laws and bill proposals, which have been criticized for targeting transgender youth.
Elliott said talking to Oprah, quote, felt like an opportunity to use a wide-reaching platform to speak for my life.
I want to read me quotes.
I want to see it talk.
Fuck.
That's all we get.
At what point do they understand that children are children?
They cannot make life-altering decisions until they're 18 in any other aspect of their lives.
They can't get tattoos.
They can't do anything because they are a minor.
Their parents or guardian are legally responsible for their decision-making.
We just had a show the other day where Sarah Silverman was talking about how she went to visit her sister when she was 13 and she was a very petite 13-year-old.
And she got raped by the dorm guy because the sister was gone all day.
And she's no animosity towards the parents or anyone else.
That's just like, that's life.
No, I need Elliot.
She called out Chris Pratt for going to Hillsong Church.
You're almost just like, oh, I wish I'd done that.
I don't need...
Why did Elliot Page end his wife divorce?
When she's Ellen Page, she's being this phony character where she's been this actress her whole life.
So she just acts like an actress.
And a lot of actresses are like that.
They just become this really pretentious, boring person.
But now that she's a dude, she doesn't have a character worked up yet.
So she doesn't know how to talk.
And that's why when Oprah says, how was your transition?
She's just like, I...
I could touch my chest.
Just this.
Shower.
Being a comfortable body.
So that's it for Elliot Page?
Cups, curtains, basketballs.
There's no more Elliot Page talk.
She divorced her wife, his wife.
Her, his.
Yeah, well, his wife was a fucking dyke.
Gross.
That's not how you play guitar.
Well, I would imagine she's still attracted to women.
It's up to her.
She does it.
Oh, she came out as gay.
Now that she's a man, she could rate her.
She's like, well, she's like a six.
Oh, jeez.
My wife.
She had shitty tits.
There had to be something more.
I wish I could have cut her tits off.
Am I right, Bob?
She's like, well, Elliot Page is the worst dude I've ever...
He fucking sucks.
When you look this up, there's so many talk about the interview.
But.
That's her only appearance, huh?
Elliot Page on Coming Out.
Boring.
Oh, now they have to go back in time and call her Elliot Page.
Yeah, the Oprah interview was it.
Wow.
And then this photo shoot where she's like, I mean, I wonder if she'll get man of the year like Bruce Jenner got woman of the year.
Why can't just one of them come out as a dude and just be a funny, fucking good old boy dude?
Like the guy who is the bassist in your band.
He's like a funny dude.
Fart jokes.
Hey, what's that?
And then he hits you up because you look down.
Yeah.
Well, you don't think this gaunt nerd is a cool dude to chill with?
Yeah.
No.
A DJ on the side, but I want to play foosball with him and be like, okay, if I win, I get to punch you in the arm as hard as I can.
If you win, you get to punch me in the face as hard as you can.
Deal?
Okay, last letter.
Hey, Gavin, I've been a subscriber for a month now, and I just wanted to let you know it's been much more valuable than Netflix or Hulu.
Also, my roommate asked me why I listened to your show.
I thought about it for a minute and laughed and said, he's got the sprinkles.
I love everything you do.
You see how you can tell that I'm the one who chose which ones are worth reading.
Gavin, while serving tour as an active war movie captain, I found this Black Ding Gem.
I wasn't able to find great quality of it, but this one gets the point across.
skip to 21 seconds.
As a war movie vet, I remember this film.
So let me just give you the background.
They were in Vietnam.
This is Mel Gibson, I believe, right?
Yeah, Mel Gibson is in this.
Melanie Gibson.
So it's a Vietnam movie.
And they all live together in this one community where all the husbands are in Vietnam.
And so they found out that the military was coming by and announcing to the women that their husbands were dead.
And they decided that's not fair.
Give us the cards of who dies and we'll go do it.
So at least it's someone they know telling them.
So the local housewives would go read the announcements to the wives.
But then now when the wives see those two coming, they start crying.
And this black woman, of course, yanks you out of the movie with her overacting.
No.
Can you just pause it?
Yes.
I have a theory here that the director said, so they come, I'm just, I want you to hold them and just start crying.
And she goes, I wanted to do something different.
I want to do this denial where I'm like, no, no, no.
And the director was like, oh, for fuck's sake.
And he's so intimidated by her because she's such a fucking pain in the ass that he just went, yeah, sure, Cheryl, whatever.
And he let her ruin his movie because he was intimidated by her.
That's my theory.
This wasn't supposed to be in the movie.
After you watched this, two women went to your parents' house with a flag and they said, I'm sorry, your son died after being ripped out of this movie so hard by this black dress.
Her son has a purple heart for enduring this scene in the war movie Olympics.
You know, we could look up the screenplay, I bet, and find this scene.
And I bet it's like, oh, no.
Oh, no, that's horrible.
Sob, sob.
But she's not even selling it.
When she looks to our right.
Dear.
Horrible.
So flat.
That's her own take on...
The director's like, I'll just cut it short.
Yeah, that went off for 40 more seconds.
And they're both like, after that, that was fucking weird.
And then after that, they're walking down the street and she goes, are we in a shitty movie?
Was that not the worst scene ever?
Did that just ruin our career?
Did we just make history, but not in a good way?
Did I just lose an Academy Award because of that bitch?
Was that the bird which is the bald eagle?
By the way, I meant to say, Space Jam on Rotten Tomatoes is doing really well with the audience score.
Really?
I'm excited for it, dude.
That movie meant so much to me as a kid.
I was seven years old.
Please shut up.
That's like you with Andy Capp or whatever gay shit you grew up with.
That sucked.
And mine was better.
And D.Cap.
What is that?
Look at the tomato meter.
It's 44%, and the people are 63%.
Wait, that's the origin.
Oh.
Michael Jordan.
Okay, go to the 2021, obviously.
It's good to compare.
Ooh, 32, 80, 80%.
So it is based.
That tells you it's based.
Yeah, that's how you tell.
A father that's a little bit more.
That's almost become like the parental advisory.
If you see a low tomato meter and a high audience score, you know that it's a Christian movie with good values.
Or is it all the wokeness?
Okay, let's end it with this last one.
Salute, Gavin, Montabar Nac de Mange de Melde.
Tell Rygai to look up the Instagram handle, HellaHugh.
H-E-L-A-H-U-E.
And he says she's a 10.
She's our type.
And we should be trying to, quote-unquote, jizz our pants.
Okay.
Pretty, pretty, pretty good.
I'm a fan of those boobies.
Although I can't really see them.
I like those lips.
Oh, look at that one at the bottom middle there.
Where she's got those cool lips.
No, bottom middle.
You know those kind of lips?
Yeah, cartoon lips.
Those kind of like uppy-downy lips.
Like French lips.
I don't know why.
Yeah.
But they seem French.
Well, she's got anger as an energy.
That's the sex pistols.
That's, I mean, pill.
That's good.
Public image limited.
A little cankly there.
Cankly?
She had cankles?
Aww.
Kankly.
You don't think those are kind of tree trunks?
No, they're not the tree trunks.
There's nothing wrong with that.
I mean, again, we're always critiquing models, and as an old, ugly person, I feel ridiculous, but something's not right.
She looks a little Steve Coogan-y, my boy.
My man crush.
Those are Coogan lips, by the way.
Don't deny it.
So you like Steve Coogan's lips?
Your gay obsession with Steve Coogan is disturbing.
I don't think so.
What do you think, Maddie?
She's a little thin.
No, about Steve Coogan.
Oh.
My obsession with him.
Oh, hey.
That's a you problem.
Look at the third most recent picture.
She has that bum cleavage that we've been concerned about.
Which picture?
The third most recent?
Okay.
T-Mos R. You know what I mean, those?
Yeah.
Publicity has those too.
Public was.
But, you know, gravity will take effect sooner or later.
I mean, she can't be more than, what, 20?
21?
Yeah, she's got to be.
So you think we'll lose that butt cleavage?
No, it'll get worse.
It's kind of unusual.
Like, go to, are you at Publicity?
Publicity.
Pub L-Y-S-S-I-T-Y.
She has the potential to be a 10.
S-I-T-Y.
Oh, fuck.
Everything you do is garbage, Ryan.
P-U-B-L-Y-S-S-I-T-Y.
P-U-B-S-S-I-I-T-Y.
Yes, there she is.
Alyssa Amano.
Amoroso, I mean.
Amoroso.
Now look at that first pick.
That's got some serious 10 potential.
Those are some high tits.
But she also has the high butt tits.
Those are high tits.
And now look at the fourth most recent one there.
She's also a little more full-figured.
Yeah, I like that.
But go back to the first one.
Sushi.
That one.
That kind of looks like an aunt of mine that I don't have.
See, is that a tit issue or what?
A tissue?
A tito?
Yeah, that's a good tit shoe.
A tissue?
A tit shoe.
Well, it doesn't appear that she's wearing a bra there, so.
They're just so high up.
Yeah.
And they're so bummy.
Maybe she had a lift.
Go to the peace sign one there.
Those are too high tits, bro.
I'm sorry.
She's high-titted.
Yeah.
Could be fake.
I don't know why you'd want to artificially create that, though.
Unless it's like a deal.
We're like, here, we got these high-tits laying around.
Do you want these?
See, she's got kind of big hands.
She really has the potential to become a giant fat beast.
Oh, she's...
If I was going to marry her, I'd have to make her sign a contract.
She's definitely not petite.
She promises to keep it under 200.
I totally stan her, as they say.
Look at that one with the microphone.
Dude, she has plastic surgery face, though.
You think?
That frozen Botox mouth?
That's, yeah.
I hate when young girls do that.
All right.
We're way over the limit here.
We hope you enjoyed this particular episode of From the Mailbag.
Thanks to Maddie for joining us.
Feels good to catch up on the mail because we always just take a tiny chip out of it.
And there was a good hour and a half ensconced in the mailbag.
Thank you very much, Maddie, for coming.
Always a pleasure.
I don't have to thank Ryan.
It's his job.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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