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July 26, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:15:30
S04E15 - FROM THE MAIL BAG 1
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Time Text
Hello folks, welcome to a special edition of Get On My Lawn.
This is from the mailbag, banked summer shows.
We don't want to leave you empty-handed during the summer weeks, days, heat waves, even if we're away.
We have our co-host here, Mr. Matty O'Dell.
He'll be helping us parse through these various letters.
As you know, we always get more letters than we can deal with.
So during these holiday episodes, we thought it'd be great to catch up.
So let's just dive right into it, shall we?
Should we even have the mailbag song?
We could, if you'd like.
Why not?
Okay, let's try it.
This is from Jason S. You don't have to have the camera on Maddie at all times, Ryan.
Okay.
And Maddie, you don't have to say anything if you don't have anything to say.
Obviously.
Fagenkrantz and Gavin Stern.
Where did the computer go?
I missed the random questions you would sling at it.
It's fun watching Ryan trying to beat it to the punch because it's like watching the Special Olympics.
Yeah, what did happen to our Alexa?
We have it.
We just didn't.
We stopped trusting it.
Remember, we thought we were like, this thing's listening to us all the time and it's not worth getting shitty information.
Huh.
But we could reinstitute it right now if you'd like.
I think you just have to hook it up to the Wi-Fi.
Yeah.
Let's do that later.
Cool.
I like it.
I know it's spying on me, but I'm not planning another meandering on January 6th, so I have it in the house all the time.
It's good, like, what's the population of Australia type of stuff.
Plus, with little kids, they're always asking questions you don't know the answer to.
Like, what the fuck did my son ask me the other day?
What's the deepest part of the ocean?
I don't fucking know.
I looked it up.
It's seven miles.
But we don't know.
He also said the other day, he said, dogs' hearts are better than ours.
They would need two heart attacks to die.
What?
Does that mean dogs have two hearts?
This one's from Jason, oops, almost said his name.
It's happening, he says, and he shows me a letter from the Secretary of Veterans Affairs.
Dear veteran, thank you for your service to our nation.
Your commitment to our country's long legacy of service has protected us, and our nation owes you a debt of gratitude we can never repay.
That sounds nice.
Thanks, government.
Thanks for noticing.
We must once again ask you to volunteer to serve.
Uh-oh.
COVID-19 has affected all of us in unique ways.
We have lost far too many former brothers and sisters in arms, family members and friends.
It's time for this pandemic to be over, and I ask for your help in protecting this nation and completing the last part of this journey.
Our greatest hope in defeating this deadly virus is for each of us to get vaccinated as soon as possible.
Blah, blah, blah.
Vaccination is essential.
Here's a brochure.
If you can do it.
That wasn't such a juicy letter.
I should have screened that first.
This guy is telling us sucking on a chili dog.
I bet it's the same fucking video we already played.
Oh, no, it's not.
Oh, that's exciting.
Dude, that's my type right there.
Hold on a second.
Maddie, what is your type?
Me?
Yeah.
What, women?
Yeah.
Oh, men.
Look at her.
We can do men.
Yeah, no, no.
I'm into women.
Thanks.
Yeah, that's not bad.
I mean, I've been married to a blonde, but I don't like brunettes.
Maybe that didn't work out because you're a brunette type of guy.
Maybe.
Who knows?
Her hair is really weird, too.
It's like two hairdos at the same time.
Yeah, it's like almost a bob or something.
She's got a bob and long hair.
I like Jews, American Indians, Italians, Chings.
Go back to the beginning.
Oh, this is a chick who watches the show.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
That's the best thing about being a man.
When your wife dies, like in a plane crash or something, you're like, I'm sad.
And the kids are going to be fucked up.
But this would be one of the first calls I make after my wife dies.
She's in Razor Night.
Hi, Diana Depp.
Man, this is Gavin.
I understand you watch the show.
I am single.
And I'm mourning.
Diana Depp.
She's going to be like, uh...
Is this because your wife died?
Yeah.
How old are you?
Well, I'm 79.
It's the year 2042.
Yeah, I'm fucking 60.
I'm not interested.
I'm not horny anymore.
Alrighty.
I did not know she was going to die of old age.
I was hoping it would be a plane crash.
Yeah, I think if my wife looked down from heaven and saw this is the next one I did, I think she'd be pretty happy.
You know, you don't want it to be like, who's that famous Asian chick that was on H3H and she has like 9 billion followers?
She's half Asian, Filipina.
She was abused as a kid and she looks like a 10-year-old.
Oh, right.
And she does these TikToks where she's like, oops, I'm a baby.
Oh, what did I do?
And there's all these fucking millennials just, oh, I want to be a pedophile, but it's illegal.
Oh, Jesus.
That would disappoint your wife.
Bella?
No.
Here we go, buddy.
10, top 10 most like TikTok videos of all time.
Oh, yeah, she's the number one, I think.
And all she does is go boop, beep, bop.
Where is the distance?
There she is.
That's her.
That's the number one TikTok video of all time.
I don't get it.
It's pedophiles.
Annie Mae video games has turned this new generation of men into pedophiles.
They want to fuck children.
You know what that's proof of?
They're virgins.
Because any of us who were laid when we were young teens, it sucked.
Who was your first lay, Maddie?
A girl I went to high school with, Tammy.
How old were you?
15.
Oh, that's pretty late for a tough kid.
You tough guys usually lose it like 13 to your babysitter.
That was my cousin.
Were you kind of late in your scene?
No.
Because I was 17 and I was the laughingstock.
17?
Yeah.
No, 15.
And what was it like?
You know, a little awkward.
Nothing to write home about.
See, that's what I don't get about this glorification of fucking teens.
You fucked teens when you were a teen.
And it sucked.
Yeah.
I'll tell you what.
There was a girl that I had gone to junior high school with and high school with.
And it wasn't until maybe 2007 or 2008 I ended up hooking up with her.
And it's better when they're in there like, I think at the time she's probably in 2006, in my late 30s.
Like once they're comfortable with their body, they're not self-conscious and they know what they like.
Yes.
It's a way better ride.
Way better ride.
Yes.
Yeah.
I think 30 is a peak.
Obviously cultures are different, different parts of the world, but in Canada, in the 80s, when I was a teenager, girls were not into it.
They wanted to make out for six hours, which you do and you have red all over here like a rash.
And they have skin.
In the 80s, the girls would need a coat hanger to pull up their pants.
So to get your hand down there, it was like sliding your hand into a wall.
So you get down there, you're trying to feel, you might get pubes, you're probably not going to get pussy lips.
I should have actually gone around the back now that I know.
Yeah, down around.
Yeah.
It's basically where the asshole is.
The reach around.
And then you get to college.
Now, I think it's different with kids today, but back when I was in college, they were not climbing up the walls looking for cock.
They were like accepting a dick from behind and sort of like, ah, ah, ah.
And then now we're up to like 23 years of age.
Now they're starting to get into it, but not crazy, not experienced, but like, I enjoy this, let's do this.
And then it was only until 25 and up where they started wanting the cock.
Yeah.
And it was fun.
But from fucking 14 to 20, 10 years, 15 to 25, was just like, it wasn't fun.
It's a lot of negotiating.
Yeah.
Like I said, most young women are very self-conscious.
Yeah.
I remember this chick Tammy I went out with.
I showed her my dick or something.
We were dating.
And she goes, well, I guess if you show me that, I can show you these.
I was like, yeah, yeah, let's see them.
I've never seen them.
And she goes like this.
Dude, two ferret heads.
The saddest banana tits you've ever seen.
And I had seen porno mags.
I knew they weren't supposed to be that bad.
And I was just like, all right, okay, let's put those back in.
And thank you very much, by the way, letting me see them.
And I'm a huge fan.
Those were great.
But if you don't want to pull them out, we can do sex with the t-shirts.
Yeah.
T-shirt on.
Put your fucking t-shirt on, bitch.
All right, now I'm jumping down a bit here.
You do know a woman beater, says this guy.
Hey, Gav, you claim to not have any examples in your life of a man hitting a woman for no reason.
Did you forget about the time you went to jail for allegedly headbutting a guy who slapped a mouthy bitch?
Once again, wrong.
When I was talking about woman beaters, I was talking about the archetype of the like, where the fuck's my dinner?
Hey, you stupid bitch.
The one that's in the movies where the guy's in Brooklyn and he has a wife beater on.
He's always Italian.
He's got black hair slicked back like mine.
He's a drunk like fucking Robert De Niro in Raging Bull.
That archetype, I've personally never come across.
Have you, Maddie?
Someone that just beats women just because not.
Just because her dinner's late or she's getting lippy.
We hear about it all the time.
We get accused of being that way.
Anthony Kumia has to go to fucking anger management and rehab because he's accused of being that.
But I obviously wouldn't be friends with anyone like that.
I'd go, dude, what the fuck was that?
Because obviously that person's a psycho.
He obviously also kicks dogs and like shoves kids.
You're not a good person, obviously.
So in this case, we had a girl at our store, Sarah Brania, Filipina, little tiny girl.
I could pick her up and throw her across the room.
She's probably, my daughter, my 13-year-old daughter is probably, 14, sorry, is probably way bigger than her.
And my daughter's tiny.
So she, at our behest advice, fired this douche who had a man bun and flip-flops And sold weed at our store.
She fired him because he kept not showing up for work.
And he lost his shit because he was fired and he was so spoiled.
His parents paid his rent.
He didn't really need money because he was.
Are you going to blow Maddie, Ryan?
Not today.
He's in the crotch region.
The crotch region of Antarctic.
Just going to give Maddie a quick beach, just relax him.
Yeah.
Looked a little stressed.
Full hospitality.
Full service shop here.
We do everything top to bottom.
Would you like a body work my Asian to blow you?
Would you like a happy beginning?
I knew this guy who was doing business in China, and he came back to his hotel room, and there was a woman on his bed.
He goes, what the fuck are you doing?
This is my room.
And she's like, oh, he got me to stay here.
You want sex?
He's like, no, get the fuck out of here.
So he tells her, he goes, what did you do?
You had some young woman in my bed?
They go, oh, you don't like that?
He goes, no, don't fucking do that.
Not that I don't think any of us would be objecting that much if it happened to us.
We'll see what we can do.
I don't know how many men would have done that, but.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, this is his version of the story.
Although, this backs it up.
So he comes down to his hotel room the next night.
Guess what's there that time?
Nothing.
A handsome young man.
Ooh.
In a leather jacket, ready to rock.
He's like, no, no, no, it's not the type of prostitute that was my problem.
And then day three, a dog.
Day four, a goat.
A watermelon with warm water in it.
He's just not a fan of gratuitous sex.
Wait, I forgot what I was talking about before.
Oh, the fire demand bun with flip-flops.
Oh, yeah.
So he swatted her.
An open-handed slap that was probably more shocking than painful.
It's not like she had a black eye, but she's probably never been hit by a man before.
So we went to his apartment and kicked his ass very briefly.
That's not what I was talking about.
That's a lunatic, pothead, fuckhead, spoiled brat who slapped a woman and got his comeuppance.
That's not the where's my dinner guy.
So sorry, this doesn't count.
This one is from Kishkish.
I can say their names if it's fake names.
Dear Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
Which one is which, do you think?
Oh, you're for sure Mermaid Man.
Isn't it a Merman?
Yeah.
There's no such thing as a Mermaid Man, lady.
It's a jellyfish.
Wait, no, no, that's from SpongeBob.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
Oh, okay.
She explains the SpongeBob reference.
She goes, it's not because I'm a gay adult who watches kids' cartoons.
I'm a stay-at-home mom with three kids.
All right.
She goes, this article is fucking weird.
I know you have both lived upstate, and I'm curious what your take is.
We live in Kingston, and I can't decide if we should get out now or if we're in the right place for the apparent impending apocalypses.
Only half kidding.
This article is really good and gets crazier and crazier as it goes on.
I like you more than a friend.
So Warren Buffett's son, Peter Buffett, has dropped $160 million on a shit town in upstate, Kingston, New York, which sucks.
I don't know.
I get how this would make you uncomfortable.
I think $160 million is obviously more than their entire budget.
But upstate is such a shithole that who cares?
Like in Monticello, I was up in Berryville, not far from Port Jervis, half an hour, 20 minutes.
In Monticello, the only people who have money are criminals and corrections officers.
So when you're at a restaurant, it's the guy with the gold chains, who's clearly a Coke dealer, or the fucking corrections officer guy that are getting their asses kissed by the waitress because they're the only ones that tip.
So that's the situation you're in?
Yeah, I take the philanthropy.
Why not?
Do you know Kingston, Ryan?
Yeah.
Shithole, right?
It's all a shithole up there.
What's a nice upstate town?
New Windsor, Monroe is really nice, but all the Hasidic.
Calicoon is okay.
Calicoon?
It's a little quaint.
Do you know Kingston, Maddie?
Yeah, exit 19 on 87.
There's nice parts of all those upstate places, but the places that are in disrepair are very...
I've stayed there once in the middle of a snowstorm.
They shut the highway down, so we had to stop and stay in some motel 6.
Is this as a biker or as a driver?
No, no, no.
Just I was going to visit a girlfriend of mine who was going to college at Delhi University, and we never made it because of the snowstorm.
Huh.
Yeah, I say if they're throwing money at your town, say thank you.
Plus, it's increasing the property value around.
So yeah, by all means, go nuts, Peter Buffett.
Buy yourself a town.
I'm into it.
Black Rifle Coffee.
Hello, fuckers.
Just canceled my subscription to Black Rifle Coffee.
Been with them for years, but after the recent interview with the New York Times, they can fuck off.
The CEO went on a rant about the Proud Boys being extremist and racist.
Really?
I would link to the article, but I don't want to give them one click.
Wow, what amazing business acumen.
Kiss up to the lefties and see how much coffee you can sell them.
Oh, better change the name of the company to something less scary for your new customers.
Pink pussy coffee, perhaps.
Says Vlad.
That's Evan Hafer.
Now, I saw that.
Are you online with New York Times?
Should we give them a click?
Of course.
Okay.
Yeah.
They're not going to get rich off our click.
No.
But we should be subscribed to New York Times and I actually drink Black Rifle Coffee.
What?
Currently?
I actually drink Black Rifle Coffee.
Well, you should stop.
I know.
I haven't seen the article yet.
Well, they stabbed Kyle Rittenhouse in the back.
You know that, right?
Really?
Well, I know the CEO is Evan Hafer, and then a guy, Matt Best, and a guy named Jared Taylor.
Those are like the three main.
And they're all vets.
Yeah, yeah.
And they all don't know.
Evan Hafer was a Green Beret.
Jared Taylor was what they called T-PAC in the Air Force.
He would go on special operations and control the overhead, the air.
When he needed air support, he would call it in for the special forces.
And then Matt Bess was a Ranger in 2nd or 3rd Battalion.
Why don't, like, we're not asking them to support Charlottesville, but how could you not support Kyle Rittenhouse?
He was actually wearing one of their shirts.
Yeah.
Well, that's when they had to make it clear that they don't support that.
That's when they went left.
I had no idea.
Kyle Rittenhouse does not strike me as a radical righty.
We were going to have his lawyer on the show.
He missed his flight.
But it was clearly self-defense.
And it was fucking radical nut bar leftists that would love you to die.
Everyone who drinks black rifle coffee, they would love, and Tifa would love them all to die.
Weren't they hitting him in the head with a skateboard saying, I'm going to kill you?
I'm going to fucking kill you.
Yeah.
Sounds like a pretty clear case of self-defense.
So in this article, he says, I hate racist, proud boyish people.
That's the poll quote.
See if you can dig it up.
Who's that, Evan Hafer?
Let me see.
I hate racist, proud, boyish people.
Like, I'll pay them to leave my customer base.
How many are...
First of all, proud boys have nothing to do with racism, but how many racists are like, we love black rifle coffee and we hate niggers?
Seven?
Here, go to, let's see who said it.
So just the way you do that, Ryan, yeah.
I'll pay them to get the fuck out.
If that was the case, I asked, had Black Rifle Coffee, which sells a thin blue line coffee, consider changing the name of its Beyond Black Coffee, a dark roast.
It has sold for years to Beyond Black Lives Matter.
Surely that would alienate the racists.
He began to laugh.
You wouldn't do that, I ventured.
I would never do that, Hater Hafer replied.
We're trying to be us.
But he did.
He just did it.
I saw, I don't know if it was Photoshop, but I saw a bag that had Black Lives Matter on it.
Really?
Black Coffee Matters.
I actually have a bag.
I've had a bag of Beyond Black.
Oh, you have a bag of Black Lives Matter coffee.
So that was Hafer.
Yeah, Evan Hafer.
So which one is he now?
He was the one who...
He's the founder of the company.
Not that guy.
What a cock.
No.
So he was Green Beret.
That's best.
And a CIA contractor.
I think it's his...
How can you be a Green Beret and be a douche?
I don't understand it.
Just following orders.
They have great photography at the New York Times.
It's one of the only good things about that place.
That's the guy, right?
Hafer?
Yep.
He's the one who did the video saying, hey, the written out shit.
Not me.
Fig.
Fat?
He's a fag.
He's not a fag, actually.
That's a compliment.
He's sub-fag.
Here's a lame thing to say, but the fact that he has no tattoos bothers me.
I don't say that about everyone.
I don't say it about my waiter or anything or my accountant, but you're in the military and you have no tattoos?
Oh, his partner Matt Best is covered.
Yeah.
We don't see Matt Best saying any of this shit.
You know what?
If it's controversial and it's going to shut your company down, I could see you when Kyle Rittenhouse is wearing your shirt, just shutting your mouth and not saying anything.
I'd forgive that.
That's not the end of the world.
But to go out of your way to shit on your supporters.
What called article written?
It's brand new.
Oh, I was just saying.
Yeah.
I haven't heard about it.
No, I think it was this weekend.
July 14th.
Wow.
Updated July 19th, but July 14th.
I'm going to have to look that up.
Hey, Gavin, Rygai, I've stumbled across a rare 10 out of 10.
Her name is Gina Holgwin.
She is a Mexican sports journalist.
I stumbled across her show while watching TV with my Spanish mom, and I couldn't believe my eyes.
I can't believe we have Mexican viewers.
Just kidding.
Okay, now I want to make something clear when we review these kind of women.
I know that I'm a, without any of the money or the background, I'm like a 5.8, right?
So I would eat shit for a mile just to get to her ass, just to be clear.
But we're obviously just judging 10, so it's like when you're talking about the MLB and you say Noah Synergaard sucks this year because he's only throwing 90 miles an hour.
I could probably throw 45 miles an hour, and even then it would make my hand throb from the blood going forward.
I'm not in the same league as this person, but the beauty of, you know, media is you get to bitch about women out of your league.
I'll tell you what, though, the way her top is makes her right boob look very long.
Oh, let's see that again.
Hispanics tend to have...
Why do Hispanics have such huge jugs always?
I don't know.
Something in the water.
They have small asses and gigantic tits.
Something in the agua.
They definitely look better.
Her left, our right, is propped up in the cup.
But the one that's like kind of down on her shoulders.
It's a little sad.
Cleavage is weird, too.
She's got butt cleavage.
Yeah.
Like publicity.
See, right there, she's smoking.
Well, of course that's incredibly hot.
I mean, Maddie could wear that and I'd have a boner.
There's some other longies.
But I gotta say, I'm not at bananas about her nose.
Oh, wow.
So she's got butt cleavage, and her nose is not cute enough for my taste.
Sub-ideal.
It's a little sharp.
It's got that Sarah Silverman kind of a beak thing.
Well, it's had work done to it.
Yeah.
She's got a bit of a pelican nose.
What's a pelican?
But yeah, she is fucking hot.
Sorry, but not...
There's ones like the change your life.
This isn't changing my life.
Hey, Gavin and Fagarikin.
I don't think he's talking about anyone but Ryan there.
That can't be me.
Been watching every night with the wife and have been noticing the stuff you're always bringing up.
It's sad.
The greatest threat to our democracy since 9-11, the Civil War, Pearl Harbor, etc., are the narrative the idiots of the country are gobbling up in reference to the meandering, voting, and any other thing they can use.
They're even talking about censoring anyone from all platforms if they get banned from one, as well as censoring text messages.
What?
Some real 1984 shit.
Thank God for your show, as many say.
A breath of sanity, keep plugging away.
And check out Cocaine Country Dancing for an intro song.
Okay, I gotta see that.
I don't remember seeing texts.
Do they maybe mean DMs?
You can't DM someone a censored.tv link on Facebook or Instagram or anything.
But a personal text?
Ryan is so slow that I'm...
Censoring a text message, just the beginning.
By Red State.
Let me see.
Red State is a very underrated site.
They've got some amazing scoops.
They're the ones where Ryan Gurduski pointed out that if you're looking for a race war and racism, check out the Mexican gangs murdering blacks in South Central just because they're in their neighborhood.
They have ethnically cleansed South Central.
Shooting, they shot some black teenager 13 years old on her skateboard.
They would shoot into homes and throw Molotov cocktails into black people's homes based on where the children are to maximize the terror.
Zero media coverage outside of Red State.
So let's see this opening paragraph.
Oh, fuck.
It would be a grievous error to assume that President Joe Biden and his merry band of Democratic lawmakers only wish to tamper with your tech message over supported COVID-19 misinformation.
The very idea they would make such a suggestion should send a chill down the spine of any freedom-loving American.
Yeah.
See, that's such a great way to get in the door.
I'm protecting you from misinformation.
I love you.
I'm worried about you.
It's like a parental filter for everybody.
Well, that was his big push the other day, Biden, about misinformation.
He wants the cellular phone companies to tap into your SMSs.
Is there anyone in America who goes, that sounds good?
Yeah.
Let's stop the misinformation.
How could he even...
Like, even Antifa.
I didn't even know he was talking about that.
He was like, what?
Antifa's got to know that they're on the chopping block, too.
Who declares misinformation?
Like, who's the ruler?
Starts out, we don't want you to think that if you take this vaccine, you'll die.
And it ends up with, you shouldn't be criticizing Biden.
That's misinformation.
And don't mention his son's laptop.
That's Russian disinformation.
They called the laptop thing Russian disinformation.
Wow.
The realities are we'll handle that.
Realities are.
Wow.
Hey, Gav, this is just one example of insanity going on in the Bay Area.
The crime is so bad in Oakland that even all the BLM anti-police brutality people are starting to think, Jesus Christ, Mercedes calling me like 15 times a day now.
This is getting...
I got to tell her to chill the fuck out.
I don't talk to my wife 15 times a day.
Take a chill, pill.
Wait, have we messed things up?
Yeah, sorry, the left is starting to think they've messed things up.
The D and the judges in San Francisco are still letting out criminals with little to no punishment.
So this woman, this young girl, is being stalked by a lunatic.
And she calls her father, Blaise Zariga, and she says, this guy's been chasing me, groping me.
I'm hiding in a bookshop, and this nut is telling me they belong together.
So he jumps in his car, heads down there.
She calls the police.
They get the guy, Bill Gene Hobbs, and he has evil tattooed on his fingers, and he's been stalking her.
Sorry to laugh.
And they let him go.
They don't even let her have a restraining order.
Wow.
The question is, where are they now?
How old is this girl?
15.
Did you show the link?
Yep.
A 15-year-old girl.
Stalked.
He's grabbing her.
Been following her for half an hour.
Holy cow.
I mean, is that an argument for vigilanteism or what?
Shoot to kill.
Shoot the pervert.
Shoot the kill.
Dear Gavin and former faggot, Ryan.
Thank you.
This is actually spelled Faget.
I don't know if that's on purpose.
First, I'd like to congratulate Ryan on having a baby and getting, quote unquote, married, which he's not done.
That's not true.
Girlfriend's wearing the ring is not proposed.
We're getting married this Thursday.
Very exciting.
This Thursday?
Yes.
Okay.
Then I would like to thank Gavin because he's the reason I cannot find an aide.
Who wants aides anyway?
I'm in a wheelchair and need an aide to help me do my daily things like eat, go to the bathroom, and basically do everything for me that I can't do.
I've been looking to hire a new aide, and every time they walk into my room and see the Proud Boy's flag and how religiously I watch your show, they get offended and don't come back.
What are you going to do?
Beat them up?
So that's a perfect example of someone scared of your thoughts because you're clearly paralyzed.
You're no physical threat to them.
You're only sitting in a chair and thinking and those thoughts are a threat to them.
Talk about the fucking pussification of a country.
That paralyzed man's thoughts are a threat to me.
Keep calling the agency.
If anybody that lives in Syracuse wants to help, please let me know.
One more thing, I've been wanting to get a VPN.
I wanted to know if you could suggest a good one.
Also an internet, because Google is taking over.
Thanks.
I like you more than a friend.
Well, we had a VPN guy as a client for a while, right?
Yes.
What was that again?
Should we give them a free shout out?
Sure.
ExpressVPN.
Express VPN.
And then for browsers, we've been using Brave.
Brave.
Which works 99% of the time.
Sometimes there's a weird thing, though, where you look up like Maddie Odell, and it'll say zero results.
Wow.
And you go, zero?
Like, I'm sure there's a football player with that name from the 60s.
With Chrome, you never get zero results.
Yeah.
But you often do with Brave.
This is from Brandon.
Hey, Gavin, if you thought Ryan's apartment was disgusting, you need to check out Hood Meals on TikTok.
I'll leave a couple of links below.
I jumped way down here to the next flag.
This guy is living in the hood, and he shows his various disgusting meals, and occasionally you get a look at his...
I'll tell you, he's shrimp and terminated.
Damn right.
I'll show you right now.
Maddie, you missed it.
Go back.
He's got to put it on my monitor.
Oh, you don't have the monitor on?
Wait, he hasn't been able to see anything yet?
Everything I put on the back behind you.
Like the chick.
Okay, check him out when he goes to his fridge.
Oh, my.
The door comes.
Both door.
Holy shit.
Look at the sink.
No water.
Oh, my God.
I told her to fucking give me another weed.
Hood pride.
I think there's roaches in there or no?
I think the toilet you shoved your hand into was a lot bigger than that tank.
Yes, sir.
Why do black people like shrimp so much?
Scrimp?
I hate shrimp.
It's insects.
Ooh, that thumbnail, though.
That's got to be for Coke.
What's the other one for?
Both ends?
Yes.
Oh, that was depressing.
What is it supposed to be?
An air fryer?
I talked to a cop once who said he went to a house in East New York, kids running around.
The mother did nothing for the kids at all.
They were all just roommates.
And the kids went to bed when they went to bed.
They had TV on 24 hours a day.
There was no nothing, no dinner time, no bedtime.
There was food, though, and the food was just a big iron skillet on the stove that was, what do you call it, Sloppy Joe?
Yeah.
And when the kids were hungry, they would go by and have a nibble.
That's how they ate.
Like a buffet.
But it was infested with roaches.
So what you would do is you'd go by the frying pan and you'd go, kong, kong, kong, kong, kong, with your spoon.
That would scare the roaches away.
And then you'd have your spoonfuls and then drop the spoon and leave.
Aren't you embarrassed?
So the sloppy Joe would be probably at least 2% roach shit.
Utterly disgusting.
Holy shit.
We didn't see this one yet.
What one?
Oh, this one.
Ramen noodle.
Yeah, the same joke.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck?
Oh, no.
What the fuck?
I would commit random acts of violence if my home looked like that for sure.
I'd want to steal people's sneakers.
Go underneath the sink and turn up the water supply, asshole.
I am under the sink.
Now we skip a lot.
Can you just mark it for me?
A little flaggy?
It's pretty funny that guy.
Flag.
Okay.
What was that, Maddie?
I said, it's pretty funny.
That guy, he's living on the street eating what in prison or jail you would call a crackhead soup because it costs 15 cents.
But it's so good, right?
Ramen noodles.
Oh, I love it.
There is a YouTuber called Serpensa.
He is South African, but lived in China for a long time, and mostly makes videos about China.
He recently did a deep dive into what is happening in South Africa right now.
Great video from a great guy.
Here's one clip I pulled from the video around 40 minutes in.
What you can see here, guys, is my daughter playing with children.
Okay, that might seem weird.
Oh, okay, that's what kids do.
But my daughter is half Chinese.
She is playing with kids over there.
Mexican, black, Korean, Puerto Rican, white, and God knows what else.
Everything you can think of.
Like a big mix.
And there's nothing, there's no hatred, there's no weirdness, there's no racism, there's no bullshit, it's safe.
Look at that.
It's kids being kids.
Okay?
This is America.
Everyone in America is fucking deluded.
They think it's the most racist country in the world.
You don't know what real racism is.
Alright?
If you grew up in South Africa, if you lived in China, any of these places that I've spent great times, like great periods of my life in, you would know what real racism is.
America is a country where my child, who is a mixed child, can play with children of all different races and the parents sitting around there.
We gotta get Willem Peter on the phone.
My guy.
Let me try him.
What's the time difference?
I think it's like 12 hours.
It'll be 7 in the morning.
Oops.
Is this some goofy shit like 12 plus 4, like 12 plus 2, like 14 hours?
So this is the guy, if anybody wants to check it out.
His name is Serpentza.
Hanging up.
Yeah, he said it's the Wild West there.
He's in a gunfight.
What?
Him himself?
He was in Gunfights, soldiers in Afghanistan, gang members.
It's really fucking rare.
It's a big deal to be in a gunfight.
That's a once-in-a-lifetime thing, assuming you live.
He's busy gunfighting.
He hasn't been uploading.
Last upload was a month ago.
So he's busy.
He's busy fighting for his fucking life.
I don't think that's a good idea.
What was that Dianeford song you said was all about Zuma?
Oh, Never Lee Kameise.
He's talking about how bad it is.
They don't trust anyone because the cops will shoot you in the back of the head.
And they don't stop at the robots, which are the traffic lights.
You got to keep your head on a swivel, 360 degrees.
Well, they call traffic lights robots, right?
It is a robot.
They don't have a video for it?
No.
There's a live performance of it, but otherwise there is no video.
You have to forward it a little bit.
We were talking the other day about how they're much more comfortable with DMS and Lord Isak than they are with Drake and Kanye West because they come from hell.
A little bit further up the ride.
I'm not even trusting Roblox.
I'll get shot in the back of the head by.
What are you going to do?
Go run, tell Zuma?
He goes, he doesn't give a fuck.
That's why we keep a gangster.
I met this British guy who lived there recently, and it's been shitty for a long time.
Yeah.
And he goes, oh, it was the greatest time of my life.
You know, really wonderful.
Well, weren't you surrounded by razor wire?
Yeah, yeah.
We were in an encampment, and you come home, and the steel gates would open, and then they closed behind.
He goes, there was a shooting in the next block from me, actually.
Home invaders shot, and the people were armed, and they killed the home invaders.
But, you know, it was just a fantastic time.
What?
Yeah.
Not a good idea for an evening.
No.
Here we have a letter from Alfred.
Table Mountain.
Certain types of fish are being renamed in the wake of anti-Asian hate crimes.
So Asian carp is now being called invasive carp.
Oh, that's nicer.
And this is what I love about censorship.
You have less information.
So now I just know of this invasive species.
I have no idea where it came from.
Could be Turkish, for all we know.
And now I'm less smart.
Yeah, because doesn't it help to know where they're infading from?
Because if you're like, well, this is where they're from.
So it's, don't freak out if you see this carp.
But if you say it's an Asian, you're like, what the fuck's an Asian carp doing here?
This is clearly invasive.
They're huge.
Well, they say, have you seen the videos of them where people are riding in their boat and they're jumping everywhere?
Because they get really freaked out by engines.
I guess where they're from, there's not a lot of motorboats.
So they go crazy when they hear engines and they start leaping to get out of the water to get the sound out.
So people get hit in the head.
Yeah.
You spread bread into like balls and you put it on the hook and that's how you catch carp.
Oh, yeah?
They don't eat meat or worms or anything like that.
Bread balls.
They love red balls.
Bread, bread.
Oh, bread balls.
Aren't they not edible?
People do eat them.
I mean, I don't think it.
It's like a giant goldfish.
Basically, it's a koi fish.
That looks fun.
They were dumped at the waterways in the United States, and they people threw them there.
And that's why they're known as the invasive species.
They're also renaming the chinkfish.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Insensitive.
What about gookworms?
The gookworms are still staying because they come from, I believe, gook, Taiwan.
Gook is Korean and Vietnamese.
Carpra family of fish natives.
They've been in the United States for 100 years.
Four types of invasive carp.
How'd they get here, though?
Fuck.
They're stuck on the hull of some boat or something?
Why don't they tell us this shit?
See, if we had the computer up and running, we could say, computer, who brought Asian carp here?
They're all over the town island in.
They're all over what?
Town Island in.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You can stand over by the bridges, by the railroad tractions, and look down, and you'll see hundreds of them.
Wow.
Good question.
How did the Asian carp get here?
They were imported in the United States into some of the southern states for us in private aquaculture ponds to clean out algae.
Yeah, I thought so.
Which is another invasive thing, right?
We've had some invasive algae that's been pretty bad.
Sure.
Modern Baseball, the band, is just a copy of The Front Bottoms.
Also, I like both bands.
Sorority Noise is also a similar band that is good, but the song Flashlight by the Front Bottoms is a romantic song you would like.
It's from 2011.
The Hold Steady are also a lot like this.
And they all have ugly singers.
Which I like.
Great video, guys.
Really sucked in, doesn't it?
Like a black hole.
We just have some footage of like a train?
What about uh put on um the hold steady that's an exciting band that does that kind of talky emo while Ryan digs that up someone sent in a picture that's on the Fox News building the maastro still had glitter on his face They led us to the office and once my eyes adjusted I took a little look around Is this their biggest hit?
On the mantel was a portrait Ryan play their biggest hit they got this song that has this chorus like oh oh They go crazy people have been complaining about this lip here and asking us to get some sort of a board that makes it consistent.
But if you notice no You're a pussy if that bothers you dead on though that's the way it has to be so see how that picture lines up like that otherwise if we move flush like the picture don't line up like that.
Well also we get a glare if we don't have the screens at our glare.
That's true.
No one's gonna smash the subscribe.
Okay.
Yeah, you go to Hold Steady in Videos and you go The Bear and the Made and Fair.
You go most popular one.
Yeah View Count.
Okay.
Most popular.
This one smashes the subscription.
This one like eight years ago.
No, do your little hood rat friend.
That's good.
Little hood rat friend.
Yeah, that's their hit.
I like seeing singers that are ugly because I know they're good.
It's like in baseball when they're drafting guys, they look for the guy with the ugly girlfriend because it means he's a hard worker and he's loyal and stays true.
That guy's not here for his looks.
Hearts to be heartbroken and always being broken.
People still cut.
Isn't a hood rat like a ghetto chick?
So he's got some black crackhead calling him a lot?
I don't believe you.
They're not attracted to guys like you.
It's not a thing.
Anyway, due to belligerent, and check out the Hold Steady, they're worth your time, I promise.
Due to the belligerent and embarrassing actions of certain individuals, all Fox News and Fox business channel guests must pass a breathalyzer test before appearing on air.
Someone asked if that was my fault.
I haven't been at Fox for like fucking five years at least.
But I used to do their shows annihilated.
One show, I was doing Coke with Bill Schultz in Drinking All Day.
And then I went, oh shit, from 35th Street, I went, I got to go home.
We were moving out of our apartment.
So it was exactly five years ago.
Change into a suit and then get picked up to come do Fox.
I'm riding my bicycle, annihilated on Adderall and Booz, and I was hitting cars that were going in the same direction, like falling into them, wiping out.
I hit my head, cut it open.
And I remember like these construction workers getting out of their truck and going, holy shit, are you okay?
Jesus Christ, Mr. You okay in there?
And I went home, I put on the suit, I called the car service or whatever.
It was already predone.
And I just fell asleep on the hardwood floor in a suit with a puddle of blood growing behind me.
And then I woke up, cleaned up the bloodstain with toilet paper, got in the taxi, and then I get to the show and Jim Norton was there.
And I'm talking to him.
I'm still bleeding.
So he sees a line like coming down.
He goes, are you fucking bleeding?
I was like, oh, shit, I am.
So I got more paper towels and I cleaned it off.
And then I did the show basically Blackout Drunk.
Regularly did that on Red Eye.
Where can you find those fucking episodes?
That'd be awesome.
I bet if you looked up Gavin McKinnis Drunk Red Eye.
Yeah, I'm checking it.
Drunk.
Red Eye.
Like really drunk.
Sometimes they'd have to like Greg would have to acknowledge it because it was embarrassing.
Let's see.
But they often didn't notice.
No, they don't look.
They couldn't tell.
That's the beauty of being Scottish.
People just think, oh, he's bombastic.
Oh, here we go.
Kevin McInnis Under the Influence.
You got it?
I found a good playlist, by the way, but let's see.
Why are you so bad at your job?
Kevin McInnis Under the Influence is the name of the video.
It's me drunk on Red Eye.
Took me about eight seconds to find.
You still can't find it.
There it is.
So go to 13 seconds.
The truth about this story is actually kind of haunting.
Don't say anything disgusting.
It's not disgusting.
The woman had a miscarriage.
Oh, see?
What did I know?
She said.
Stop it.
All right, stuff.
You are a father.
You are a father.
And it lived.
Shut up.
It lived on snacks and on Smarties.
And she shut off.
Two years later, and a few people tried to rescue it.
And just before it does something, stop talking.
Stop talking.
And it lived.
Shut up.
It lived.
Stop it.
That was a good joke.
Did you get that joke?
Shut up!
They found a tongue in a claw machine, and I said the woman had a miscarriage, and she threw it in there, and it lived on Smarties and grew up in the claw machine.
That is pretty funny.
Pretty good bit.
That's pretty good.
Okay, scrolling down.
Gavin is a hypocritical moron.
Oh, shit.
See, this we're going to be removing from the mailbag for misinformation.
Yes, Queen.
This is not true information.
And for your protection, we're not going to read this email.
Gavin, you're such a staggering fucking hypocrite lecturing Ryan about willfully ignorant and refusing to take in contrary information.
You are far more mentally obese than he is.
Every time anyone emails or calls into your show with some sort of critique or contrary piece of information, you immediately accuse them of being a quote-unquote millennial and discount what they're saying.
It's such an embarrassing fucking crutch that this guy's got some real oomph to him, doesn't he?
He's so mad.
That anytime a caller brings up something contrary to what you're saying, we immediately start the timer to see how long it takes for you to start screaming the fucking M word at them.
Either that or you start quizzing them on how many kids they've had because pumping sperm into a bitch is such a high talent skill.
No, nobody with kids is a moron.
You're a fucking retard, dude.
That was very hurtful, but I think it would be much more effective if you had specific examples.
Because it is amazing how often millennials come up with some sort of criticism and they're wrong.
Now, in this case, you make an interesting allegation, but we need...
What you need to make your point is an example of me calling someone a millennial and them being right.
But you don't have that because you're a fucking millennial.
Either he's a very passionate fan.
It's easy to make an interesting allegation, but can you make an interesting alligator?
I mean, if you just have the tail and little hands, that's not really interesting.
But if you had, like, maybe elephant ears or something.
But that wasn't easy.
I came really close to destroying your studio.
But I held back because it's mine.
I was going to smash those fucking monitors.
You were going to smash my money on the market.
How much is that fancy one with the different colored things on the back?
That's a lot.
I mean, Pete Townsend smashed his stuff.
That was probably a...
What, a $2,000 amp?
He also had a lot of hard drives to smash.
So he's going to try to go ahead copy in that molester.
Yeah, you'd like to get doing his research.
Yeah, the jury's still out on that.
Remember that story?
What's that?
Pete Townsend was accused of having kiddie porn.
He said he was doing research.
No way.
Yeah.
How much fucking, how would that really help you?
If I was, first of all, I would never want to do research.
Like, say you're doing a screenplay about a pedophile.
That would be a bummer.
But I would call the police or someone and say, hi, I'm about to do some research for a role in a play about a pedophile.
I'm not happy about this.
I can tell you the hours I'll be doing this research from 3 to 4 on Thursday.
Like, I don't want this on my fucking computer.
Could be a guy, though.
Well, he did have a song called Rough Boys Out on the Street.
I want to suck and taste them.
Out on the street?
Now, when I see kids that are like bad boys and they have, you know, a rumble seat in their car and a chain and a switchblade, I think, oh, good.
There's some young youngsters getting up to trouble.
I want to, hey, guys, get out there.
Get some pussy and maybe get in a fight.
Yeah.
Sucking on their dicks and tasting them in any fashion doesn't come up.
No.
That's not something that goes through your mind when you see quote-unquote rough boys.
Yeah, that's a.
Is it a character?
I don't know, because there's some molesty stuff in that shitty album they put out.
Tommy?
Yeah.
Come over here.
I want to bite and kiss you.
Pardon?
Tough boys.
Come over here.
I want to bite and kiss you.
So we have a kidney porn allegation and talking about boys and saying he wants to bite and kiss them.
Does he say suck anywhere?
Okay, he didn't say suck.
Not yet.
I got the lyrics up there.
Kissing boys.
Doesn't say taste.
He says bite and kiss.
Like I'm trying to play devil's out of here.
Maybe it's a woman saying this and he's just singing it?
Rough boys, I want to buy your leather.
Make noise.
Try and talk me away.
We can't be seen together.
Tough kids, what can I do?
I'm so pale and weak.
Rough fits in my hush puppy shoes, but I'm still pleading, pleading, bleeding, fining, whining, shining.
I want to see what I can find.
Oh yeah, he's checking him out in a video.
Let's see the video.
Oh.
Ew, he just, did he tap one of their feet with his feet?
Okay.
The way he was looking at him, the guy he was standing behind there, just looking him up and down.
This is from a woman's perspective.
Can you please put her in the video and have her eyeing the rough boys?
Don't fuck away!
Maybe he identifies as a woman.
We're going to call this episode Rough Boys.
It's like Joe Biden when he sniffs women.
When he sniffs women, and we were talking with that weird gay black guy, remember, that was on the show a million years ago?
And we're like, you see cute kids?
You think you want to high five of them and go, what's up, buddy?
Sniffing them is number 1,036 on the to-do list.
That means you're gay.
That's the best case scenario.
Yeah, if Gay's a step up from your song that you just made, that's...
Not a good look.
Not a good look.
Frankly, he's smelling the boys.
Oh, I saw these kids the other day, these skateboarders, they were out there, they were doing tricks, and security was chasing them, and they were like, fuck you, and they ran away.
I mean, these guys were nuts.
I just wanted to bite some of them, maybe on the forearm, and then just taste like their legs or their legs.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
When you see guys out there up to no good, you're like, get over here, you.
Well, if they're rough boys, sure.
Just lick them.
No good.
No good.
Not easy to explain your way out of.
Oh, this is a retarded story.
This is from Mike, Portland PD doing weird shit.
Does this seem odd to you?
Also, look at the top reply to the tweet, LOL.
So it says, booking photo, lineup photo.
The Portland police used Photoshop to alter a defendant's photo to make him look more like a robbery suspect.
Now he'll be released from jail.
So at first glance, you go, well, that's corrupt.
What are they doing?
But I looked into this.
The guy was a serial bank robber, doing it again and again and again.
But when he would go up to the till, he would cover his tattoos with brown makeup.
I guess he's in blackface.
So when the police were looking for the guy, they didn't include the tattooed face.
They include the disguise, basically, that he was wearing.
But the judges went, oh, so you're photoshopping pictures now?
Case thrown out.
Oh, get the guy's robbed eight banks.
So they're basically defending his disguise.
They're like, no, that's not fair.
Don't.
Now, anyone who saw this booking photo would go, oh, it's not him.
That guy has tons of tattoos on his face.
Click on the link.
Rock boys.
Yeah, they put like hair and a beard on him.
They covered the tattoos.
Well, it's a little darker, so it's more beardy.
But yeah, you're right.
They did add hair.
But scroll down.
It was him, by the way.
Minor detail.
I'm not saying it isn't, but.
So this is him.
When he robs the banks.
His tattoos are covered up.
So if you're looking for the guy...
Yeah, like say I robbed a bank and then I shaved my beard off.
When you're putting out the can you find this guy, you're going to have me with a mustache on.
Abvi.
Dang.
Well, that's been done for years with guys would dress up as women and rob banks and they'll show the woman pick.
Yeah.
What are they praying for him now?
I want to bite and taste him.
Wait, did he say bite and taste or bite and bite and kiss?
Bite and kiss.
I want to bite and kiss them.
I love seeing rough boys.
Let me just triple confirm that.
I hate pleading, too.
Why are you pleading?
You sound like an old fag to me.
I want to bite and kiss you.
Yeah, Maddie's right.
I want to bite and kiss you.
Under the sheets.
Rough toys under the sheets.
Nobody knows her.
I don't even really want to do that to hot chicks.
Maybe I do.
Not a biter.
Yeah.
In my hush puppy piece.
Some girls that were into biting.
What is this?
In my hush puppy shoes.
Are those for men or women?
Well, he's saying he's so not a rough boy.
Oh.
Yeah.
But he's attracted to the rough boys.
That's why he wants to buy him leather.
Right.
Hush puppy shoes are like old man shoes.
Yeah.
They're comfortable orthopedic.
This is disturbing.
There's no way out of this.
He wrote a pedophile song.
Yeah.
Is this before lyrics were widely available?
Never ever really.
I'm trying to be open-minded here.
Attention to the lyrics, just the chords.
Rough boys, throughout my entire life, I've never heard.
The only way to do a song about rough boys is like, good work, rough boys.
Hope you get some pussy.
Anyway, bye.
Get up to mischief, you bad boys.
Not like, oh, I'm pleading.
I know you don't want to fuck me because I wear hush puppies.
Let me buy you leather.
Yeah.
Can I kick your poo cu?
What a fucking day.
It's kind of like, it's not even just a gay song.
Like, it's a submissive gay song.
Yeah.
So it's like a weird fetish gay song.
He is definitely the bottom.
Okay, last letter.
We got to wrap this up.
From Target.
This is David sending us a woke commercial.
What we value most should be held in our hands.
A trust that fuels us.
Baddies jogging.
Ethnically ambiguous children.
Black woman, of course.
Wait a minute, stop.
Black people don't need sunscreen.
I mean, I guess if a black woman really stayed out in the sun and lay there on a lawn chair for six hours, she might become a little darker.
Was that sunscreen or cocoa butter?
Oh, okay, go back.
We become the good, we can't afford to lose.
Go back.
A trust that fuels us to know exactly where we stand.
No, that looks like sunscreen to me.
Black girl sunscreen.
It says it on the.
Black girls don't need sunscreen.
Black girl sunscreen is just an empty bottle.
Actually, it's kind of racist.
It's just an empty bottle with a label.
It's just water.
Are you saying you don't want to be darker?
Isn't that racist of you?
We use sunscreen because we don't want to singe ourselves so we're peeling off giant sheets of skin.
That's painful.
And you can't sleep at night if you sunburn your back.
But you guys, you're African.
You're fine.
So the only excuse you have for sunscreen is because you don't want to be darker and that's racist.
A lot of melanin.
True.
Wow.
I remember I used to go to Costa Rica with my co-worker, Sarush Alve, from Vice, and he'd come back darker.
And his mother would be furious.
Oh, Sarush, what have you done?
You look so dark.
Because it's classism there.
Copywriting.
Well, they probably have the excuse of saying, well, it's not that we don't want to get dark or we don't want to get skin cancer.
But I think you need to get burned to get skin cancer.
I don't think it's bad when black people get dark.
I red that screen.
What?
I've been as red as that screen behind you.
Yeah.
Oh, when we were kids, you didn't wear, there was no sunscreen ever.
You just accepted.
You just made sure there was no sand in the bed because that made it much more painful.
I can remember being young, like 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, and getting so sunburned that my back would be blisters.
And like you said, peeling pieces.
Oh, yeah.
And girls in the neighborhood would want to pop them and peel the skin.
I would sit there for hours with girls peeling sheets of skin off my back.
Well, that was the goal, to get the biggest piece you could.
Like if you got something like this, that was a major accomplishment.
I was like, hold on.
Start little.
Don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move.
Hours.
Yeah, that's skin cancer.
Young child.
That sucked.
So we're not making that the last letter.
Let's make this one from Rihanna.
Hi, Gavin.
I'm Ryguy.
Gavin, you changed my life.
At a time in my life when I was being convinced that a woman should prioritize her career above all else, your videos made me realize all I really wanted in life was just the opposite.
Nothing can make me happier than to be a wife and a mother.
I'm 27, dating very seriously.
However, a common attitude I'm coming across with men in their 30s is that they don't believe in marriage.
What they mean by that is they will live with you, they will be in a long-term relationship with you, they'll have kids with you, but they don't see the importance of a legal piece of paper that says you're married.
What would you say to a man that says they don't believe in marriage that would convince them of its importance?
Many thanks.
I like your new sunglasses.
Annie, just make it a deal breaker.
It's too easy to leave a woman that you're not married to.
It's just you're in a relationship and she has a kid.
I mean, they're still going to get fucked financially if it's more than 10 years, right?
But you should say to him, if it's no big deal, then let's just get married.
If it's just a silly piece of paper, then you shouldn't have a problem with it.
If I, and this is the woman talking, if I was at a thing where I like men to wear hats on Wednesdays and you go, that's stupid.
Well, if it's so stupid and nothing, pop a hat on on a Wednesday.
You said it's meaningless.
So you should be able to do it.
I think that's the way you have to do it because I'm not saying that marriage is the be-all and end-all and your life is meaningless without it, but it's sort of like not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslim.
Not all deadbeats that aren't going to be there for you are against marriage.
But wait a minute.
Not everyone who gets married is going to be a great husband and never stab you in the back, but the deadbeats are all anti-marriage.
So you just got to do it.
I suggest marriage rape.
And I feel like I'm betraying my gender here by giving all these tips.
The why of things.
But my buddy Tracy, she said to her friend Dan, what kind of wedding ring are you going to get?
What should we do?
And he said, well, I'd want to use my grandmother's wedding ring.
And she goes, well, I'd love to see it.
She's always talking about marriage, by the way.
And he goes, okay, I'll bring it back.
So next time he sees her, he's brought it back from his grandmother's house.
And she goes, oh my God, thank you.
I do.
And she put it on and accepted his proposal.
Hilarious.
Wow.
She marriage raped him.
And they had a kid.
I'm not going to say it went great.
That ruins the story.
So don't ask me if they're still together.
Wow.
A fucking woman, boss.
But yeah, you got to play hardball as a lady.
And all this shit about, it's just a piece of paper.
It's a major change.
What do you think, Maddie?
It's a milestone.
Definitely.
Now, you're divorced?
Yes.
Should you have not gotten married?
No, I loved it.
Like, we didn't get divorced due to like infidelity or anything.
We got divorced.
I would say I was 22, 23, and my wife was 19 at the time.
And we were married seven years.
How soon did you have a kid?
Right away.
Were you a biker?
I mean, she made me sell my motorcycle.
Were you in the Hells Angels at the time?
No.
Oh.
No.
But I've been riding motorcycles since I'm 10 years old.
She was a little unhappy with my motorcycles because she had a cousin that was very near and dear to her that died in a motorcycle wreck.
Okay.
So to try to pass a fire, I sold the bikes that I had at the time.
But I always rode.
And so why did it fall apart?
We grew apart as people.
Like, we had different directions we wanted to go.
You know, Chuck Zito says, I spent too much time at the club with the boys.
I neglected my marriage.
I didn't spend time with my daughter, I think it was.
And he goes, I ruined the marriage.
Everyone's walking on eggshells when they talk about Chuck Zito.
I mean, that's in his book.
I'm not.
That's in his book, Street Justice.
Yeah.
That's when he had the Nurse LMC, I believe.
And he told the story that he was going to show up on this day to go riding with the boys.
And he told his wife at the time, no, you can't come.
It's just the guys.
And when he showed up, the two other guys had their wives with them.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
But that's it.
Like you said, it's in his book.
It's public knowledge.
Yeah.
So was that a part of your problem?
No, no, no, no.
My wife would never get on a motorcycle.
My wife.
No, but I mean, spending too much time with the guys, with the club, with whatever.
In future relationships, yeah.
But not with the wife.
I'd be like, I'll be home in three days.
But didn't you go to prison while you were married to her?
No, no, no.
I got divorced in 2001.
Oh, and you were clean as a whistle back then?
No, I was actually in jail doing a year in county jail when I got divorced October 2001.
Wait, she dumped you while you were in prison?
No, no, no, no.
Because that's...
We had a guy on the show, Mike Kimmelman.
He did two years for insider trading, which I think he was innocent.
Yeah.
And she dumped him after a year.
No, no, no.
Just in New York State, it takes a year to get for the paperwork to go through because they want you to kind of try and reconcile.
But I would say.
So we're just not getting the gossip out of you is what I'm saying.
No, I was in jail.
I forget for what at the time.
I could go back through my rap sheet and look at it.
But in 2001, October, when it was finalized, I was actually incarcerated.
And how old was your kid?
2001.
He was six.
Huh.
He was born in 1990.
Sounds like we could do a whole show on this.
1990.
Oh, listen.
We go through my whole rap sheet if you want.
I don't care less.
So don't use Maddie as an example.
No.
That was a freak occurrence.
The guy was involved in crime.
That's not.
That's certainly not this guy here.
But Annie, you got to get a ring on it.
It's really important.
And if this guy says it's a meaningless piece of paper, then he shouldn't have a problem with going to get it.
You can go to the courthouse and everything.
That's fine.
Still works.
But when I got married to my wife, you know, her parents flew down there.
Like, we're making a serious decision here.
And to bail a year later would be I fucked over all of these people who came there and wasted their time for some bullshit.
No.
That's why when people have second marriage, the dad doesn't have to pay for it and no one has to go.
Because we already put all your eggs in the first basket.
Well, traditionally, it's supposed to be the bride's father who pays for the wedding.
Right, but he doesn't have to do that more than once.
No, I wouldn't.
Fuck that.
But I'm talking to you here on a human level.
On a human level.
I saw this great meme this morning that said how to arrest an Italian, and it was handcuffs over this part of the hand.
Hilarious.
I can't fucking express myself.
All right, folks, that's from the mailbag special edition here in the holiday weeks.
We don't want to deprive you of quality content, so we pre-record these.
We're also a little insecure and worried that you'll go get your pussy from someone else.
We want you to only bite and kiss us and no one else.
We want to be your only rough boys.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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