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July 8, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:06:19

GOML LIVE #106

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	From New York, it's Get Off Money One with Kevin McGuinness.
	I don't know if it's the shot of Fireball talking, but that might be my favorite band.
	Amel and the Sniffers, starring Amy, I think, Taylor or something.
	God damn it.
	The Australian punk scene is better than the New York punk scene in the late 70s, and the same with England's.
	Pull up some of that video.
	She's such a wife.
	Sometimes you think you can get someone like that, and you're wrong.
	And I love that their car sucks in the video.
	It's not a Mustang.
	It's your mom's friend's car after the divorce, and he doesn't have any money.
	You moved to Australia?
	Is that the last bachelor's sanity?
	My cuts infected, folks.
	I did my own bandaging because the bandages that the doctor put on didn't work.
	So this could be the end of the devil's right hand.
	I was watching some fireworks footage.
	Don't worry, we'll drop July 4th after this.
	But I was like, these are my people.
	And then I also got jealous.
	Why didn't they get fucked up?
	This is 1-3.
	You hear about this hockey player today, by the way?
	Fuck?
	24 years old.
	He's in a hot tub.
	And one of these, this isn't the footage, obviously, but one of these projectiles hit him in the chest dead.
	He's a dead man.
	So these could all be deaths.
	I mean, my problem was flames and heat, but the impact of some of these can really do a number on you.
	These are all probably Roman candles.
	I don't know.
	I was about to downplay it and say it's not dangerous, but here's a tip.
	Don't take tips from me about danger with fireworks.
	I'm not a reliable source.
	I just realized we don't have the sponsors list here, dude.
	Oh, no.
	Maybe you can print that out while I blather on about today's New York Post.
	It's Adams.
	I don't know if it is.
	I was shocked to discover that it's between Adams and Shilwa.
	Whoa.
	Like, we've always been going for Curtis.
	I don't trust this guy.
	He seems like a fake cop.
	I heard that when he was a cop, he was a whiny, I don't want to say bitch, but like a whiny SJW.
	He's part of the 100 Black Cops Brigade.
	And they were always complaining about racism and stuff.
	He's a lefty cop, which is.
	Oh, we don't have live reads today because today is not supposed to be a live show.
	This is a surprise.
	That's good news.
	Maybe I should explain what's going on here.
	So I take a taxi down from the South Bronx to Midtown, which is not cheap, by the way.
	I think it was $45.
	And I noticed there's not a lot of traffic in the city.
	Okay, I guess that's the pandemic.
	The whole city's gone because of July 4th.
	They take the whole week off, these lazy New Yorkers.
	I think New York has a culture of big holidays in the summer because it's so fucking hot and pre-air conditioning.
	That's what they do.
	And it's sort of stuck culturally.
	So anyway, I get to the studio.
	No one's there.
	Fucking A. Fucking, what the fuck?
	So that's why this is a live show.
	Because I didn't have time to run back and do any pre-recordings.
	So yeah, we don't need to read sponsors.
	We'll do a normal live show tomorrow night.
	Wait, does that mean we won't take calls?
	We could take calls.
	Who knows?
	We'll leave you hanging.
	We have a special guest in the studio, Mr. Maddie Odell.
	Gavin, thanks for having me back.
	That looks like such a fake green screen behind you.
	No, it's real.
	It's real.
	I'm in the studio.
	Studio 3.
	No, Studio B for bar.
	Yes, Studio B for bar.
	Yes.
	Maddie's been keeping up with all the local vernacular.
	Oh, yes.
	He's well educated.
	That fucking buck looks like shit with that cheap frame.
	Look how wrinkly it is.
	I got to get a new frame for that.
	So Maddie will be answering all things.
	I don't know.
	Tough guy?
	He's a tough guy.
	When I told a cop friend I was hanging out with this dude, Maddie, that was in the same precinct as him, he goes, that's a bad guy.
	Yeah.
	He attacked cops with a knife.
	And then I said, Maddie, you attack cops with a knife?
	And you go, no, I had a tendon cutter in my hand.
	I had a karambit in my hand when I opened the door.
	I didn't expect to see four cops standing in front of me.
	So you were prepared to sever their tendons.
	I mean, that's what that thing does, right?
	Yeah, that's definitely a dangerous weapon.
	So yeah, I don't know how I feel about this guy.
	How do you feel about him?
	Because you weirdly are kind of like an ex-con who is kind of pro-cop.
	I'm not going to say you're pro-cop, but you know cops.
	There's a reason for cops.
	Yeah, you got cops in your family, right?
	Yes.
	More than one.
	So what do you think of Eric Adams?
	I don't know too much about his background, but it's kind of stunning that it's him and Curtis Sleewa.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I'm stunned too.
	Here was another funny article I saw today.
	This little girl, she's five years old.
	Good news.
	You're coming from Somalia?
	No, Ethiopia.
	You have a huge tumor.
	Good news.
	We're going to fly you to America and remove it.
	Oh my God.
	Thank you.
	This thing is obviously a huge burden.
	Here we go.
	We're done.
	What?
	Well, we removed the tumor.
	You took a lot of it off.
	I don't want to look at gift horse in my mouth, but you took about 50% of it off.
	And I, look, if I stayed in Ethiopia, I would have died.
	So I'm not complaining.
	But you said when someone says we're going to remove a tumor, it's usually implied 100% of the tumor is going to be gone.
	This is like a good majority.
	Good portion.
	The tumor, which is called the bald eagle.
	Take the bird, which is the bald eagle.
	So yeah, this is a weird show.
	It's kind of live.
	We might take calls.
	We won't deprive you of tomorrow's live.
	We will probably have a Friday show.
	We've got Maddie on deck as a consultant.
	I assume everyone's discovered libs of TikTok because it is absolute gold.
	And it shows you, like on the one hand, I go, ha ha ha ha, this is funny.
	Millennials are retards.
	On the other hand, I go, is there something more sinister going on?
	Is TikTok normalizing mental illness?
	And is a Chinese-owned company trying to destroy the West?
	So we can get real heavy on this if we drop acid, or we can just have a beer and laugh at these pathetic fucking, the worst generation ever, I think.
	Right?
	I think that I would like validation for my gender identity.
	Are some pictures of me?
	No.
	My pronouns are it and they.
	My gender is none.
	I saw Sandy the other day.
	Oh, yeah, what was it up to?
	Oh, it was talking about how it wants to be a clown.
	That sounds mean to me.
	Yeah.
	Like, remember the other Kumiya show where we were like, oh, it's washing itself.
	Yeah, that's not a good thing.
	It's not good to be an it.
	Damn, girl.
	I enjoy dressing in a more feminine, I guess, way.
	But I don't want to be associated with gender.
	I enjoy looking like a clown.
	I kind of be a job.
	That's fantastic.
	I'm fucking built different.
	Oh, that's a thing they say.
	I'm built different.
	I noticed that when I laugh, it hurts here.
	And when the doctor was checking to see if I'm infected, he kept pushing here.
	Is this the thing with infections?
	Sounds like a rib infection.
	Didn't you have a rib injury?
	No, he put a stethoscope on my back, and then he went, breathe in.
	And then he goes, does this hurt?
	And he went like that.
	My belly.
	He had a yarmulke on.
	Maybe he knew I was a Nazi.
	That's the weirdest statement of 2021, but that about sums it up, where we are as a nation.
	My fucking wife lost another friend today.
	Really?
	Who said, yeah, it makes sense that we need a break from you.
	And she's like, first of all, I'm not defending the Proud Boys.
	That's not my thing.
	That's my husband's thing.
	Secondly, what do you want me to do?
	Divorce him?
	Because he started a multiracial men's club on a lark?
	And they go, that club, his words, his hateful rhetoric, started a hate group that represents a division in this country today.
	And she's like, what about the black guys?
	What about Proud Boys Israel?
	And she's really pissed off at me now because she's like, why am I defending your thing?
	I don't even know, like, Proud Boys Israel?
	Like, when was that formed?
	Now I have to be an expert on your stupid club.
	And then the girl goes, ready for this?
	This is the state of...
	And these aren't millennials, obviously.
	My wife's 47.
	She goes, anyone, anyone who supports the Proud Boys, trivialize, or no, sorry, anyone who supports the Proud Boys is okay with my grandparents dying in the Holocaust.
	Who said Holocaust jokes aren't funny?
	What are you talking about?
	So Proud Boys Israel are okay with the Holocaust.
	Reminds me of a joke my dad always says.
	He goes, what's the difference between this fat part on a woman's arm and the Holocaust?
	You can make jokes about the Holocaust.
	I never asked you your pronouns, Maddie.
	Maddie.
	No, but what if I'm...
	He, him.
	He, him?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	I'm a, you know, I'm a male.
	So never they?
	No.
	Oh, I was with Maddie today.
	Oh, yeah.
	What was they talking about?
	What?
	Like.
	This doesn't fit.
	No one's tried this.
	It's a concept.
	No one's ever, like, tried to use it in a sentence.
	They's really mad at me.
	What do you mean?
	Like, they's really mad at me and shit?
	They would be plural, not singular.
	Yeah.
	But it's they, them.
	So they have to use they even when it's singular.
	Hey, I got some bad news.
	They have cancer.
	All of them?
	Who?
	Everyone has cancer?
	Here's another one I thought was funny.
	You know, Jim Goad says, gender studies?
	Gender studies?
	Line up 100 people in front of me.
	Put whatever you want on them and I'll tell you who is who.
	That's all the gender studies you need.
	So this girl thinks it's cool that no one knows what her gender is and how she can change it at will.
	No, you're just, You know what this comes down to, by the way?
	And I'm starting out light to keep things fun, but this is just people who are boring.
	People who are not interesting.
	They want to have culture.
	White people are told that they suck.
	So that's like that ADT guy.
	Remember where we go?
	He goes, I'm Native American.
	And we go, No, you're not.
	You're blue eyes.
	And he goes, and we go, what percentage?
	And he goes, like 4%, but I wish it was more.
	Wow.
	You wish it was more?
	And she wishes it was more, too.
	So they go, I don't really want to be gay.
	The smell of pussy is kind of gross to me.
	I like dicks.
	So what do I do?
	I know.
	I'll invent a whole new astrology of identity.
	And now I'm like a fucking Sagittarius with a full moon rising on Venus.
	And I'm not even a chick.
	And you're like, yeah, you are.
	You're just a boring chick who drew on her face.
	Okay, so I'm non-bearing.
	Okay, so I'm non-binary.
	And some people have a problem with that.
	So they like to hang out in the comments and remind me that I do have a gender.
	But they don't know if I was assigned female at birth or male at birth.
	So the common things like, no, you're a girl or a boy.
	And I'm like, yeah, motherfucker's this the point.
	You don't know.
	Okay, so I'm non-binary.
	So I'm non-binary.
	Some people have a problem with that.
	So they like to hang out with them.
	These are hard to take, and we're done with those.
	It drains me.
	But it also makes one wonder: are they the worst?
	And I think it's possible that theater kids are worse than these genderless queers.
	Tell me what you think.
	Hey, you!
	Be a millennial with totally cold.
	We got TVDs and funds of students.
	Oh my god, I love the office.
	So wait, was that like Gen Z versus Millennials?
	Do you have a monitor there?
	Yeah.
	You want to turn it up?
	What are you wearing, Ryan?
	Come here.
	This looks absurd.
	Yeah.
	You look like the guy who plays the saxophone at the beginning of that movie.
	What the fuck is your look?
	So you're just going for 80s?
	Well, get behind me, maybe.
	Maybe stand on my desk.
	I look like your bodyguard.
	Then I'm dead.
	You want to hit him?
	Go around this way.
	Here's my tiny bodyguard.
	But so 80s, is that it?
	Like, when we were kids, you had to be consistent.
	Like, same with Matt.
	You're a biker, then you're a biker.
	You're a punk, you're a punk.
	You were going to be a goth for an hour and a half.
	You bought, like, one shitty sweater, and then you dropped it.
	It's so expensive.
	Then you were going to be German.
	I wasn't going to be German.
	I was learning the German language.
	And now you're an 80s guy, which I'm fine with, but now stick with it and throw out all your non-80s stuff.
	It comes with the hair.
	It comes with the hairatory.
	The territory here.
	But you know what my song?
	I have a theme song.
	Who knew?
	It's a theme.
	This pretty much I identify as this song.
	Okay.
	This song is your pronouns.
	Yes.
	Well, the sound is shit quality.
	That makes sense.
	And I'd lost the chin.
	It's a dead man's party.
	Yeah.
	Oingo boingo?
	Oingo boingo, Maddie called it.
	Boingo boingo.
	What's it?
	This was made its fame.
	I mean, the song was out before, but made its fame in going back to school with Rodney Danger.
	That's right.
	Oh, with Oingo Boingo.
	Back to school.
	You know, the lead singer of Oingo Boingo is Danny Elfman, who does all the, like, the Batman theme and Nightmare Before Christmas.
	Batman theme, you mean the terrible Batman back when it was like Prince?
	No, Prince did Prince, I guess.
	Prince was Prince.
	What Batman theme?
	It was the movie with Keaton, Michael Keaton.
	Oh, he did that?
	Yep.
	So he just sucks at everything.
	He's a theater kid, kind of.
	Yeah.
	The original.
	Gross.
	Oingo boingo.
	Every time you listen to 80s on Sirius, you're like, why do all these songs suck?
	The 80s had tons of good jams.
	They had the kinks, and they had Motley Crew, and they had punk, and they had new wave.
	There was tons of great songs in the 80s, and then you turn it on, and it's oingo boingo.
	And I started thinking, maybe Sirius has to pay royalties to, you know, Billy Squire, so they don't have good songs.
	Or maybe they just have bad taste like you.
	I think they have infinite money for songs because they got some high-end stuff on there.
	I mean, it should be, you should put on 80s on Sirius and it should be Panama.
	Or Hot for Teacher.
	Remember the beginning for the video of Hot for Teacher?
	Yeah, that did rule.
	That was a great time in music.
	I'm not just going to say music videos, music.
	Where they had this over-the-top cartoon.
	Everything was a cartoon, but it wasn't a cartoon.
	And they couldn't just have like, hey, man, I want to fuck my teacher.
	They had to have this whole intro.
	No running.
	What the fuck?
	Why are you showing his porn?
	I don't know.
	Figures the guy's not out.
	Yeah, maybe pull up the video I'm talking about.
	But they were like, we're going away for a while.
	Squeech, squeeze.
	And they're squeeching his glasses.
	And he's a nerd with a totally over-the-top nerd, too.
	He has tape between his glasses.
	And then...
	Oh, wait a minute.
	No.
	I'm mixing two videos.
	Yeah.
	This is Twisted's sister, right?
	This is what you want.
	Hot for teacher.
	Oh, really?
	Go back.
	Now, Waldo, I hope you find some friends.
	Oh, Waldo, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Waldo, how creative.
	But I like that it's so not creative.
	I'm nervous and my socks are too luck.
	Sit down, Waldo.
	Look, it is made by a child.
	It's the least sophisticated short film ever made.
	We get it.
	He's a nerd.
	And these guys are not.
	They are 12-year-olds that want to have sex with grown women, which is illegal.
	We just want to send our teacher away for life.
	The coolest pedophile movie I've ever seen.
	Wait, wait, the girls are whores too?
	Can't the kids just fuck each other?
	I don't want them to fuck the teacher.
	This is back in the 80s when pedophilia was perfectly reasonable.
	Like in Tom Hanks' Big, where he puts his big cock into a woman despite being, I don't know, 10.
	Wow, man, that's like you.
	Wait a second, man.
	What do you think of jam?
	Nothing wrong with that.
	I think the pendulum has sort of swung too far the other way now.
	Like, I don't advocate for children fucking adults, believe it or not.
	But the way we treat, like, a teacher, a 20-year-old teacher fucking a 16-year-old boy as the same as the genders reverse, like a 20-year-old male teacher fucking a 16-year-old girl.
	The 20-year-old male teacher is going to get beaten to death in the parking lot.
	The 20-year-old teacher with the 16-year-old boy, we're not fans.
	It's illegal, but we're like, meh, you.
	In the sense that.
	Don't do that again.
	You're robbing him of his innocence.
	Not a catastrophe.
	Okay, now look up.
	What was the other video that's exactly like that?
	I want to rock.
	No, no.
	I want to rock with Twisted Sister.
	I think it has the exact same beginning.
	You're worthless and weak.
	It's the dude from Animal House.
	Yeah.
	And he's pissed off.
	I think it's at a nerd.
	Is that a Twisted Sister pin on your jacket?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Because they loved Animal House.
	Parents, and the theme with all these is like, parents are jerks.
	Teenage Rebellion.
	Hello, students.
	School has begun.
	It's the same.
	The summer is over.
	I am in command.
	Just curious, what was schools out for summer like?
	Was it the same thing?
	The intro?
	I don't think so.
	I think it was a lot earlier.
	This poor guy didn't really get a career after that, right?
	He did Animal House.
	He was this asshole, and then it was just like asshole man.
	Like, this is where a director goes, playing this a little big.
	Can we play it a little smaller, please?
	All right, Mr. Sister, I want you to tell me.
	Slow down.
	Wouldn't you blow him the other way?
	I feel like he should have got into the chalkboard.
	Yeah, he might flew out.
	I want to rock straight up.
	And then, okay, last one I'm going to do.
	Look up Possessed to Skate by Suicidal Tendencies.
	Possessed Escape.
	Yeah.
	Yes, Possessed to Escape.
	It's about a guy who escapes from prison because the devil takes over his body.
	Possessed to skate.
	Oh, okay.
	Pee-wee Herman, when he had, all of his characters were exaggerations of how kids see adults.
	Like Missy Vaughn was this crazy, over-the-top, beautiful lady.
	And then Cowboy Curtis was like a crazy dude who was a super cowboy tough guy.
	Wait, what's this?
	This is the story of Possessed Escape.
	It's an interview about what I'm talking about.
	But maybe it...
	Yeah, there it is.
	It's there.
	So go back a little bit.
	Parents are stupid.
	Not that I have a problem with parents being stupid idiots.
	I'm just saying that this is like a kid's show way to portray reality.
	And when I was a teenager, this was how you portrayed reality.
	In a cartoony, lo-fi way.
	It was awesome.
	Oh, that's Mike Weirs, the kid.
	I never realized that.
	I remember no skateboarding until you've done your homework.
	Okay, granddad.
	At what age did you have me?
	Homework sucks.
	I hate it and disco.
	Oh, he's pretty good at fucking algebra.
	I'm getting pumped just watching this.
	Homer turned into Satan.
	I gotta skate.
	Fun fact about Mike Moir, he is not Hispanic.
	And I don't believe he skates.
	All right, that's enough.
	Let's get serious here.
	Enough joking around about the 80s.
	Let's watch My Pet Biden.
	I'm going to see if I can get a beer in the time it takes to play My Pet Biden.
	Why is my pinky cold as ice?
	That's not a good sign.
	It's a great journey song.
	Wait, fuck.
	My pinky's cold as ice.
	Biden.
	On him I can depend.
	My pet.
	Biden.
	A monster of the president.
	He's big and blue.
	Sleepy.
	But a friendly monster too.
	My pet.
	Biden.
	Wait, what?
	That doesn't rhyme.
	This is from the ice cream scenario that we had so much fun with until we realized we were making fun of a mentally handicapped person, which is not quite as amusing as the other stuff.
	Did Benny Johnson post this?
	I could tell because it has like, this is hard to watch.
	Yeah.
	Where he's always like, guys, I know we're always thinking that Biden makes these mistakes, but this is sad to watch.
	I mean.
	And then he interrupted this other video of like Bobert on the floor.
	He's like, she made this awesome speech that lit up the Senate and the Congress, and you have to check it out.
	And it's like, just play the video because that's all he had to do.
	Yeah, check it out.
	I am checking it out.
	I was.
	I'm waiting for you to play it.
	Yeah, he's very pumped.
	He's like the male cheerleader of the right.
	Yeah, he's fun.
	I don't disparage anyone on the left.
	I mean, right.
	Sure.
	Wait, so she just said, so he's buying, I think this is the chocolate chocolate chip.
	I'm not sure.
	Maybe not.
	But so they're being followed by journalists, and they're like, okay, you're buying fucking ice cream, whatever you're buying there.
	Maybe this is like a breakfast burrito.
	Can I ask one of my fucking questions now?
	That's my job.
	And he's like, sure.
	And then everyone laughs.
	She's a real ball buster.
	Sure.
	Right now, sir.
	With the most recent hack by the Russians, would you say that this means that you're not going to be able to get a brief as I was on the plane?
	That's why I was getting off the plane.
	I got a brief and that lag worked perfectly.
	Would you like your receipt?
	I'll move my piece first.
	Would you like your receipt?
	What are you doing?
	Better shape to talk to you about it.
	I'll tell you what they said.
	The idea, first of all, we're not sure who it is for certain.
	And what I did, I directed the full resources of the government to assist in the response if we determine what else should be.
	Oh, nothing.
	You're all set.
	Okay.
	And the fact is that I directed the intelligence community to give me a deep dive on what's happened.
	And I'll know better tomorrow.
	And if it is either with the knowledge of and or a consequence of Russia, then I told Putin we will respond.
	You didn't tell him already, sir?
	No, no.
	I have a call because we're not certain.
	The initial thinking was it was not the Russian government.
	But we're not sure yet.
	Sure.
	How about that shit show escapade?
	Like, my dad is a drunk who's 75 years old.
	He falls down all the time, breaks his ribs.
	He's a mess.
	I have to pick him up.
	Sometimes he wets his chair.
	He's me in the future.
	If you had asked him right there, Jimmy McInnes, after like 40 beers, Jimmy McInnes, what about the hacking?
	Oh, it's strange as I know.
	I mean, with the elections, there was talk about, you know, Putin and the government getting involved.
	And it turns out it was just a few hackers, you know, with about money.
	And, what, 200 grand they spent on Facebook?
	Like, putting up a few ads.
	It was hardly a Russian intervention.
	But who knows what this is?
	It could be Russian kids, you know, just random hackers.
	Could be American hackers.
	Could be Putin himself and the government.
	You know, I'm not going to sit here and start telling you my plan when it's this person or that person, but we're definitely investigating it.
	And then it's a concern, my boy.
	It's an absolute concern.
	That's what he would say.
	And people would roll their eyes and be like, I can't believe he doesn't even know who did it.
	That, what we just saw, is an absolute fucking shit show of a man with no brain.
	He's lost.
	It's extra chocolate chips.
	I don't think we can play that anymore, Ryan.
	Because it's cruelty?
	Because we found out who said that and he's special.
	But Drew.
	I want to talk like Jimmy at the bar.
	Does he watch that and go, I'm glad I voted for Biden.
	At least he's not Trump.
	I would imagine so.
	What was that fight that you and Mike got in with him like months ago?
	Was it voter ID?
	Yeah.
	What did he say?
	He said he has to show ID when he gets his driver's license.
	No, no, no.
	He said it was racist.
	Yeah.
	And then we were all screaming, you need to show ID when you do everything.
	Yeah, you go to the doctors.
	You got to bring your ID and your insurance car.
	Pick up Mets tickets.
	Yeah.
	It's hard.
	Our friend, we have one liberal friend, and he avoids this subject with us, obviously, because we drink at his bar and we'll start losing our shit.
	But I mean, here's the thing: when Trump would say shit, like grab the pussy, whatever, people would go, aren't you embarrassed?
	And I go, no, and I'd explain it.
	Or they'd show tweets with typos and they go, come on, doesn't that concern you?
	I go, yes.
	That's embarrassing.
	Those typos are not good.
	I don't feel good about those typos.
	Like, I had eyeballs.
	I had a brain.
	How do they feel about what we just saw?
	He had to pull out a form from his pocket to answer a question.
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	He said a press tour.
	He's always got cue cards for everything.
	And he's openly said, I wake up every day my entire adult life and someone hands me a card with what I'm going to do that day.
	I'd be totally lost without it.
	And he means literally lost.
	If you just pushed him out of the White House right now and said, go buy a salami sandwich, a pair of shoelaces, and a chocolate milk.
	He'd be gone for three weeks.
	It would be like Lewis and Clark.
	He'd have to sort of take in some Pocahontas woman who'd be like, I know where we can get the laces.
	The chocolate milk is a mystery, though.
	We may have to trek out to farm country in Wisconsin.
	Dude, I don't know what...
	Did you see, are you, do you watch everything Mob Shizzen these days?
	Dude, I spend more time with Mob Shizzen than my wife.
	Mob Shizzen is my wife.
	I feel like I'm cheating on Mob Shizzen when I talk to my wife.
	That's a good point.
	What do you got there, though?
	Oh, my God.
	Just somebody trying to say the name Biden?
	I think he calls him President Byron.
	You seen this?
	No.
	Who's the president, man?
	Who's the president?
	Byron.
	Who's the president?
	He's out back in Pokemon with this big head.
	There we go.
	Byron Byron.
	Oh, fucking President Byron rules.
	That's like what's her name, Macy Gray, talking about how the insurrectionists wanted to kill Ted Pence.
	Ted Pence and Byron Biden.
	I want to get to the January 6th meandering, but before we get that, let's cover some very important news.
	Trump made a big announcement today.
	The real president of the United States.
	Donald J. Trump announced to the world that he has become best friends with our buddy Fleckis.
	You can see him.
	There's Fleckis on the, ironically on the far left.
	Shit.
	What?
	Jesus.
	Fleckis is one, two, three, four, five people away from the president.
	What is going on?
	Like, I was just making fart jokes with this guy.
	Unbelievable.
	So anyway, the announcement is, do we have audio of it?
	There he is.
	He's suing big tech.
	Now, this is great news, not because I think he's actually personally suing Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg.
	But it's good news because it'll get free speech.
	Look at this.
	Motherfucker.
	That makes me really jealous.
	Yes, I'm a level of jealous where I'm pissed off.
	I'm not happy for him at all.
	Yeah.
	I hope he's allergic to shrimp, but he's just eating it so he's not going to be able to do it.
	This would be like, I was working on a chick for three years in high school, and then I walk into a room and she's blowing you.
	And I just met her that day.
	I mean, you probably have to be so much on your guard that you can't totally relax.
	What's that purple?
	No, that's not true.
	Trump's whole thing is like taking down your guard.
	That's why the pussy joke exists.
	Because he thought, all right, this guy's nervous.
	I'm just going to break the ice with some pussy talk and then we can chill.
	So he probably said to Fleckis something like, can you be a 10 if you have no tits?
	What do you think of that?
	He did level off with him.
	Yeah.
	And Fleckis holds that in really high regard, so he's never going to tell us.
	Because that's his.
	I'll get it out of him, my friend.
	You ever heard of this truth serum?
	You ever hook up with a chick and you wanted to maintain the sanctity of it and you didn't tell anybody for at least a week?
	And you were like, I'm a good guy because I'm not bragging.
	Yeah, not if she didn't have a boyfriend.
	I would tell it right away.
	I'm a blabber mouth.
	I fucked somebody.
	What are they eating?
	Purple mystery meat?
	What the is that?
	I think it's really good beef that doesn't photograph well.
	So it's purple?
	Next to shrimp?
	It's roast beef?
	What do you think, Maddie?
	You're a food guy.
	I can't see it over there.
	I got in the background as you.
	Oh, you're looking in the background of me?
	Zoom it up real big.
	No, no, no.
	I'm saying on my monitor.
	I know.
	I'm telling Ryan to zoom it up real big.
	There you go.
	Oof.
	Some purple beef.
	That's what they eat in Peter Pan.
	Prime rib.
	Yeah, that's prime rib.
	The food you must get with fucking Donald Trump.
	Okay, we're starting to sound like simps.
	We are.
	Wait, there's some more pictures, though.
	Okay.
	That's how close they were.
	He was right with them.
	He's one chair away.
	Fuck.
	He's in the left-hand man.
	Ponte's pilot seat.
	So I love this, that I love his announcement because I love the idea of free speech and what these assholes have done to the national conversation, talking about social media.
	And, you know, my wife was upset about her friend, but I go, this is a national problem.
	Think of all the Christmas dinners, Thanksgiving, all the fights within families, brother-in-laws, sister-in-laws.
	Like, it's not just your immediate family that are splitting up here.
	Entire families are getting shattered by this division.
	And the irony is they think it's us, and we think it's them.
	I blame the media, social media.
	They think it's Trump and his divisive rhetoric.
	The divisive rhetoric is just, no, we're not having multiple bathrooms.
	We're not using they, them, and America doesn't suck.
	That's really what it comes down to.
	One side says America sucks, right?
	The far left.
	And then our side says, fuck you.
	And then they go, oh, that's being divisive.
	Fuck you.
	I'm never speaking to you again.
	You're a Nazi.
	You think that the Holocaust was great.
	And you go, what?
	I'm not playing this game.
	Let's hear his announcement.
	I don't think I've heard it yet, actually.
	Today, in conjunction with the America First Policy Institute.
	I'm filing as the lead class representative a major class action lawsuit against the big tech giants, including Facebook, Google, and Twitter, as well as their CEOs, Mark Zuckerberg,
	Sunder Boce, and Jack Dorsey.
	Three real nice guys.
	Today.
	You gotta be proud of you, boys.
	See, he doesn't pull a fucking note out of his thing.
	Do we have a...
	What is this?
	Who's what?
	If you're successful on this in Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and all the social media platforms, let you back on and let everyone else back on uninhibited the way that everyone's supposed to have access.
	Would you use their platforms again?
	I don't know.
	It's a good question.
	I don't know.
	I might not.
	I don't know.
	I do, but I don't know if I like them that much.
	If I'm not sure what you're doing, I'm getting.
	Wait, sorry to interrupt, Mr. Trump.
	They can't put out a pressure at least.
	People would say, who the hell is that?
	If you're successful, let's say.
	Oh, I see.
	What are you trying to say?
	Maybe he's making room for his own platform.
	Yeah, maybe he sues them, crushes them, gets all this publicity, and then starts like Getter.
	I saw one today that's called Getter or something.
	Nice.
	I met with Gavin Wax.
	I'm surprised he didn't do YouTube.
	Or is that owned by Google?
	Maybe that's the same thing.
	Wait, did he say YouTube?
	No, he said, well, he said including...
	Facebook, Twitter, Google.
	Google is YouTube.
	Yep.
	Okay, and Facebook is Instagram, too.
	So, bada boom.
	Bada bing.
	Bada bing, bada boom, of course.
	All right, let's do the January 6th meandering.
	Is there any, do we have a interstitial for that?
	I think we have a background.
	Dude, I'm getting paranoid that my body hurts here.
	Is that a sign of an infection?
	You need those lines.
	Yeah.
	You would have red lines going up your arm.
	Yeah, I don't got the lines.
	Lines disease.
	Do you have social, do you have health care yet?
	Oh, you got to get married.
	Close.
	We're right around the corner.
	We're getting paperwork.
	See, this is the other thing, too, with my wife.
	All her friends have seen that New York Times supercut where they finally, after hours of editing, make the insurrection look dangerous.
	But this is what it was.
	Dudes just tooling around, sitting on the floor, staying within the barriers.
	I went to punk shows that were crazier than this.
	Yes, but it was at the Capitol.
	Okay, good.
	Here's my first question with the January 6th meandering.
	And it's actually proof that the whole hype is biased.
	We have these dummies, the Moors.
	Okay?
	Now, the Moors came up from Africa and dominated Spain for, I think, 400 years.
	I can't remember how long.
	True, great.
	Just because you come from Africa doesn't mean you're black.
	They were northern Africans, guys.
	But black dudes take it as evidence that they dominated Europe for a long time.
	No.
	Sorry.
	This was not sub-Saharan Africans.
	But anyway, this is sort of the nomenclature they use when they start their own militia groups.
	And they were in, where were they, Massachusetts?
	I forget.
	But they get pulled over and they say, sorry, we're not abiding by your rules and jump into the forest.
	Members of Rise of the Moors militia refuse to cooperate arraignment and claim they're not subject to U.S. laws.
	I like this, by the way.
	It makes for good news.
	Funny news.
	After 11 were arrested during an armed standoff near Boston.
	Click on the link.
	And we all know the story, right?
	They're just doing this like my rights.
	I'm an independent person.
	They always say I'm traveling when you catch them moving.
	Oh, these guys.
	Yeah, they're part of the sovereign citizen thing.
	But my question to you is, where's the anger from the left?
	Why aren't they...
	They say the insurrection was the worst thing that's ever happened.
	This is an insurrection of sorts.
	This is a militia group.
	This is everything you say.
	The reason that I can't fundraise is because they're scared I'm going to be buying arms for my secret army.
	Well, here's a secret army.
	Are you mad?
	Is this okay?
	Look at the weird way the women dress.
	Wow.
	They look like they're at Studio 54 in 1979.
	One of the least boring militia groups in history.
	All right.
	So the real reason everyone's mad about the January 6th meandering is the race and the political affiliation of the people.
	That's why they're pretending some old lady is somehow 9-11.
	What's 3-2 there?
	Oh, this was a funny thing.
	I noticed this with Proud Boys.
	If you're affiliated with a violent group and somehow, and someone new shows up with the pep and enthusiasm of Clippy the Paperclip, but for bombs, your new friend is the FBI.
	And I noticed this at Proud Boys meetups where everyone was normal and there'd be some dude who was built like he should have tattoos, like a ripped big guy with a beard with no tattoos.
	And he'd be all about, yeah, we got to fucking do something though.
	And another thing besides bombs was Coke.
	Let's get Coke.
	I want to get some cocaine.
	I love cocaine, right, guys?
	And we're like, I think some of the dudes might have some.
	It'll come up.
	Don't worry about it.
	No, no, we got to get cocaine.
	Definitely not a Fed.
	Definitely not a Fed.
	You had the Feds bothering you for many years.
	Nine years.
	Oh, that's me.
	Nine years.
	Nine years.
	How much money was spent following you?
	Well, I know one day, a buddy of mine from Boston, he was in the club with me, the Hells Angels at the time, and they spent $250,000, 40 agents, two fixed-wing aircraft and a helicopter to follow him from his house to my house.
	Oh, yes.
	That was after you may or may not make a purchase from he was pulled over going back into the state of Massachusetts with 7,000 bills.
	So when you're in a group, like a biker club, you must constantly be wondering, like scrutinizing people.
	Yeah, the individual that this incident happened to with me and myself was a personal friend of mine, good friend of mine.
	I had known him for years.
	Us being in the same organization, the Hell's Angels Motor Slave Club, had absolutely nothing to do with our illegal activities.
	Right.
	That was separate from...
	But I'm saying, when you're hanging out with guys, and like I have this as a curse now forever because of Proud Boys, not that I'm in the same league as you with crime, but every time someone says something weird or they're big and they don't have tattoos or they know a lot about crime,
	I'm always like, well, you sure are informed.
	Yeah, well, our buddy at our local.
	Yeah.
	Case in point.
	Yeah, he knew every criminal you had been with and every jail you've ever been to.
	He was asking me about certain individuals that I was in federal prison with and a couple of names that I had mentioned.
	He rattled them off like he was old friends with them.
	Well, I hope you don't mind.
	We talked about this on the show.
	Yeah, yeah, no problem.
	There was like Spanish.
	Spanish Carmine was Lucchese Soldier.
	And when you look up Spanish Carmine, the Lucchese Soldier, it's not like there's 300 Google pages.
	And then the old one was Christy Tickfinari, who was in the commission case back.
	He was born in 1924.
	I looked him up after all this, of course.
	Only black and white pictures.
	Look at him.
	This is like Bugsy Malone.
	Yeah, and our friend at the bar, he can't be more than, what, 30, 32?
	It was very odd.
	Yeah.
	And if you're that much of a crime nerd, I don't know.
	I feel like you should have like crime clothes.
	Exactly.
	And be like work at some website.
	What was his explanation?
	I'm into subculture.
	Subcultures.
	Okay.
	I'm fascinated by subcultures.
	Okay, I got it.
	So let's hear about disco.
	Let's hear about mods.
	Let's hear about the boot boys.
	What about the Sharpie movement in Australia where they were all sort of semi-skinheads?
	Let's hear about some other subcultures.
	What about the club kids in New York with Michael Eilig killing his meth dealer, Angel?
	Angel, yeah.
	That was a big popular subculture, and there's crime in there.
	Oh, yeah.
	Tell us about Michael Eilig.
	I don't think he knows anything like that.
	Yeah, the New York City club scene was a big subculture.
	So just like that guy was talking about Chippy the paperclip, are there times in your life where someone has been like, ha ha ha ha, like remember in 40-year-old Virgin where he goes, yeah, I love tits.
	They're like big bags of sand.
	Of course, you always run across people who try too hard.
	Yeah.
	It's definitely a red flag.
	Oh my God.
	Black Sabbath are fucking one of the best bands ever, you guys.
	Tony Iomi and...
	Tony Iomi is missing fingers.
	I used to smoke so much marijuana and do so many lines of cocaine listening to the band Black Sabbath and looking up at the bird, which is the bald eagle.
	Yeah.
	I saw a great gangland and they were talking about this one dude who was with the Mongols forever.
	Billy Queen.
	The Fed I'm talking about.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	And he lost his family.
	His marriage fell apart.
	He lost a relationship with his son because he was so focused on the Mongols.
	And some chick went to a Mongols bar.
	I'm not disparaging the Mongols to be crystal clear here.
	I never will.
	And the girl was flirting with them.
	The boyfriend was mad.
	He walked into the bar.
	He disparaged the club, which is like, that's a suicide mission.
	What are you doing?
	So they beat him to death.
	And then the undercover guy who had been there with them for five years goes, I know the three dudes who did most of the beating, and they threw them in jail.
	And you're like, as a taxpayer, was that the best use of my money?
	You managed to catch guys when someone poked a hornet's nest.
	He kicked a sleeping bear and he got bit.
	And we're like, I know which bear it was.
	Thanks.
	Yeah.
	It's like my federal case in 2004 when the ATF came to New York and raided my mother's house.
	They had spent, I think it was $2 million and I was the sole conviction.
	All the people that were the primary targets of the investigation were never prosecuted because the case was so shitty.
	I believe there was an article in the Washington Post.
	It was called Blank Check, if I remember correctly.
	What?
	Pint Check?
	Blank Check.
	Oh, Blank Check, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Because in the area, the case was originally out of Virginia, and they were having a lot of gang problems with MS-13.
	And they came up with this joint task force, federal and local law enforcement.
	We're doing a joint gang task force, but nobody could infiltrate MS-13 because of the ethnicity and all the tattoos.
	If you're not from El Salvador.
	Right.
	And the whole history, like who is your grandparents?
	So they formed a club called the Red Devils, which was like a support club of the Hells Angels.
	And they started hanging around, and then they eventually became a prospect charter for the Hells Angels.
	And the guy who started the Red Devil charter was an undercover agent, and that's the guy who bought me.
	So there's a major problem with MS-13.
	They're killing people in droves by dealing heroin to ex, like people who are addicted to oxy.
	We've got, I forget the numbers, wasn't it like 210 opioid overdoses a day?
	So we have a bona fide problem.
	Money's allotted to it.
	They try.
	They go too hard.
	I'm just going to get bikers.
	Yeah.
	Who.
	I mean, it was a couple other clubs like Fates Assembly.
	They were the predominant club in that area in Virginia at the time.
	And then when the Red Devils came around, the Fates Assembly challenged the Red Devils and said, We're not going to let you become Hell's Angel prospects because we're the predominant club.
	If anyone's going to do it, we're going to do it.
	So they absorbed the Red Devils and became Fates Assembly of Red Devils as a prospect charter in Manassas, Virginia.
	I just don't feel like my money's being spent well enough.
	And the January 6th meandering is a perfect example of that.
	Check out 3-3.
	They're just so happy to get the bad guy, right?
	The bad guys have to be Trump supporters.
	They have to be a threat to our nation.
	That's the must-have.
	And now everything sort of goes backwards and fills in that must-have laundry list.
	It's like you bake a cake and then you have to get the ingredients afterwards.
	MSNBC pundit Matthew Dowd, Capitol Riot was worse than 9-11 because it continues to rip our country apart.
	That is true that it continues to rip our country apart.
	My wife just got dumped by one of her closest friends, but is it the Capitol Riot's fault?
	I think we're in the most perilous time since 1861 and the advent of the Civil War.
	Down said, what a fucking imbecile.
	Look at what's Curtis Hauk say?
	Let me see.
	This is absolutely bonkers and offensive to the thousands murdered on 9-11.
	Yeah, 3,000 people died that day because of a terrorist attack from jihadists who had been planning it forever and still plan it, still want us dead.
	This was not an accident where your MAGA grandma wandered into a Capitol building.
	9-11 was a culmination of, you could argue, hundreds of years of hatred of the West.
	I don't know much about Matt Dowd.
	I was yesterday.
	I was in Kentucky.
	I decided to go to Lincoln's birthplace and his boyhood home.
	And I was reflecting about it because one of the things Lincoln said was, America will never be destroyed from outside.
	America will destroy itself.
	And I think that's what I fear about right now.
	And one of the things, if you think about this, what would happen if after 9-11 we had done nothing?
	Isn't this a perfect example of someone accusing someone else of something they're doing?
	This is so, what's the word?
	Macro?
	Meta.
	Meta.
	Meta.
	Hey, meta.
	Oh, it's kind of classic Sun Tzu, the art of war, divide and conquer.
	He's saying that we are using rhetoric to separate this country as he separates this country by pretending, he knows it was not the same as 9-11, by pretending that the meandering was 9-11.
	We had done nothing.
	Think about that.
	If we had done nothing after 9-11.
	And to me, though there was less loss of life on January 6th, January 6th was worse than 9-11 because it's continued to rip our country apart and give permission for people to pursue autocratic means.
	And so I think less loss of life than we had.
	As I've said to you before, I think we're in the most perilous point in time since 1861 in the advent of the Civil War.
	I do too.
	I do too.
	It frightens me.
	You know what scares me the most, Matthew, is that I'm not sure that at least elected Democrats in Washington agree with us are as afraid as we are.
	You know, I said yesterday, talking with Malcolm Nance and Susan Del Persio as Republican strategist.
	Oh, shock.
	I've hung out with Malcolm Nance before.
	I'm convinced he's a complete fraud.
	I don't think he's ever been abroad.
	He's a fucking liar, as far as I'm concerned.
	Has he been in abroad?
	He's their war expert who claims that he was in Afghanistan for 10 years.
	He learned Arabic or fucking Urdu, whatever they speak, and he became a Muslim over there.
	I think he said that.
	He's a fucking lunatic.
	I met him and I sat with him when Ann Coulter was doing a talk at some debate.
	And it was just at a comedy club.
	And he goes, it was before Trump was elected.
	And he goes, how can you support a man who's clearly mentally ill and will have his finger on the button and be in the White House where we could all die?
	And she's like, where did the crazy shit come from?
	I don't understand this thing.
	This is Coulter talking.
	And as she explains that the rumor that he's insane doesn't make any sense, he keeps yelling, nuclear warheads!
	Nuclear warheads!
	Nuclear warheads!
	Like a lunatic, until we had to tell him to shut up.
	You just go through that door and directly down.
	This is a distinguished speaker series, Malcolm Nance.
	And I talk to other military guys that go, I don't think he was ever there.
	Or if he was, he was there for like an afternoon and fixed the computer and came home and became Mr. War vet.
	Everybody says, ooh, you're an ex-spy, so you know all about this stuff and you're going to give us information.
	No.
	No, this is an unclassified presentation.
	This is Neil deGrasse Spicy.
	This is just unclassified.
	But what you're getting is you are getting...
	Because I was never a spy and I don't have any classified information.
	Anyway, sorry.
	Off of a tangent.
	So go back to the original Joy Reid and Matthew Dowd.
	I forgot who Matthew Dowd is.
	Are you thinking of Michael Dowd?
	The ex-cop, the dirty cop, cool guy?
	Oh, that guy's awesome.
	But who's Matt Dowd?
	I'll look him up.
	Down what this looks like to me.
	It looks directly like fascism.
	It looks like Mussolini's Italy.
	Yeah, it's exactly like Mussolini's Italy.
	You know, they almost dragged out Ted Pence.
	President Byron.
	Yeah, President Byron was almost murdered along with vice president.
	The only thing that kept him from being murdered is not existing.
	We're looking for Ted Pence.
	I'm Mike Pence.
	Yeah, I don't know who the fuck you are.
	Shouldn't you do this in normal search?
	I don't need to see his bald head.
	I already saw him.
	News.
	No, all.
	yeah, Wikipedia clicked.
	He's an American political consultant.
	He was the chief strategist for the Bush-Cheney 2004 presidential campaign.
	Oh, so he's one of those traders that they love because it makes them look more astute.
	Now, I'm a conservative, but this is too bad.
	I used to be a conservative until they went crazy and started reenacting, basically duplicating the Civil War and 9-11 at the same time.
	Now I have to force my child to be a different gender.
	That sounds like a joke I just made.
	It's not.
	That's what he said.
	He said it was 9-11 and he said it was the Civil War.
	Do you think he's saying that because he was, all right, the Bush-Cheney administration conquered 9-11, right?
	Like, it makes him more relevant to be like, you needed me back then.
	Now you need this.
	Bush-Cheney was neocons.
	Neocons are just liberals who were enjoying their state of the union until liberals started saying, fuck Israel.
	And then they said, oh, wait a minute, I still want foreign wars because they're good for Israel.
	So they pretended to be conservatives in order to further Israel.
	I'm saying this as a Zionist.
	But they're not really conservatives.
	They're Zionist liberals.
	That's what neocons are.
	And that's who Matt Dowd is.
	And that's who Cheney and Bush are.
	I think Cheney was a neocon because it was good money.
	I think Bush was a neocon because he's a moron and everyone told him what to do.
	But when you get into like, oh, what's his name?
	Rumsfeld.
	It's a little more strategic.
	He just passed away.
	He sure did.
	Check out 3.5.
	I'm jumping ahead one.
	This is my alma mater, Vice.
	It's talking about reporters.
	I love the picture they use, you dummies.
	See, this is something about media that a lot of people don't get if they weren't like designing a magazine or putting out a website.
	The person who writes the article writes an article about fire and brimstones and death and suffering and tornadoes and everyone dead, right?
	And he's like, that was scary.
	Then the person who chooses the picture and often the headline can have a totally different agenda.
	The headline writer wants to suck you in and suck you off.
	And then the designer is like, is often gay for obvious reasons.
	And he's like, I want the most color.
	And like, I want, if we're doing the insurrection, I have to have the dude with the horns.
	So someone writes an article about the crippling trauma that the Capitol Hill reporters are still going through.
	Okay, good job.
	Good piece of propaganda.
	Then the headline writer goes so, so angry, which ruins it.
	So he sounds gay.
	And then the designer chooses the most benign character in this entire meandering, which is the lunatic who wanted to use yoga and meditation to save America.
	The QAdon weirdo who was...
	I mean, when I say meandering, he's the first person in my head when I say that.
	We have footage of him walking in to Congress or whatever it was and going, hey, dude.
	With the cops in tow.
	What?
	With the cops in tow.
	With the cops in tow.
	Just saying, don't mess anything up.
	Yeah, and the cops literally saying, can you guys leave?
	Like, imagine riot police with their shields marching up to the protesters and going, can you guys leave?
	And then the rioters going, we are going to leave.
	We just want to make sure there's not too much of a mess here.
	Which is what happened.
	That's the second time on this show I made a joke that's true.
	Yeah.
	So yeah, all of the reporters interviewed for this story are worried that the Capitol riot won't be a one-off attack.
	By the way, that shows you did bad journalism.
	If everyone you interviewed has the same opinion, it means that you didn't get both sides, you fucking losers.
	You know what I'm going to do?
	I'm going to go back to Vice as undercover boss and just become an intern there.
	Yeah, I'd be happy to take all the garbage.
	I'll have like a Sean Anna Ramones accent from Queens and then slowly like get in there.
	I might want to try writing an article or something.
	You guys, I heard that the Capitol people were really upset.
	Could I try one of that?
	Like, I guess so, you stupid fucking Gino.
	And then slowly just rebuild it and take it over and grade again.
	They would like you the same reason they'd like the Ramones.
	Be like, he's got this rustic elegance.
	He's like old school New York.
	I like blue-collar people.
	And then that article got a lot of attention there, Gino.
	Thanks a lot.
	I was just saying what was on my mind.
	I think I had some good points.
	It's early back to normal, but sometimes it feels like one of those horror movies like the end of Jaws.
	They're so unaware of what pussies they sound like.
	So the meandering reminds you of a shark bigger than this studio that ate, remember what was in his stomach?
	It was like a license plate, a kid's leg.
	Like, that's what the insurrectionists are.
	Everything feels copacetic on the beach, but you wonder if there's anything out there.
	A six-year-old grandma who supports Trump and doesn't think the election was real.
	My pillow guy.
	Tucker Carlson has an opinion.
	Help!
	Help!
	And the Shark.
	The Sharkers motivated by Trump, but also planned this out months in advance.
	This is...
	And by the way, Jaws was not worse than 9-11 or the Civil War.
	No.
	I don't know what the casualties are in JAWS.
	I'm going to say like 11 Just because it's a funny number, 11.
	11.
	11!
	11!
	I want to go to the 11th floor.
	11!
	Can never hear that number the same.
	That was rarely seen footage of the January 6th insurrection.
	Yeah, actually, that was pretty bad.
	That was bad, by the way.
	I'm not going to deny it.
	A giant fucking shark crawling up on your boat and eating your legs.
	We don't advocate that.
	No.
	Go lower.
	Ginger Gibson, a fantastically huge pussy, I'm hoping as a woman or a gay, a politics editor, NBC News, has covered natural disasters and murder scenes.
	But this was different.
	That day, we weren't just observers.
	We were one of the targets, she said.
	Oh, thank God it's a woman.
	A lot of us reporters are having a tough time with that.
	This reminds me of an Adrian Tomine New Yorker cover for some reason.
	What does that remind you of?
	Oof.
	That reminds me of Last Call.
	You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
	All right.
	Do you have Coke?
	Do you have a way to get it into your skull?
	Because your nose seems sealed.
	I'm going to have to use a key to pour Coke into your butthole, but let's go back to your place, ginge.
	Keep going, though.
	There's more.
	Like, it's one thing to be a pussy.
	I'm a pussy about a lot of stuff.
	But to proudly talk about it.
	I'm sparring with Huey on Thursday, and he doesn't drink, and he's not going to be hungover, and I know I'm going to get a headache, and I know my forehead's going to be tender after.
	And then expect sympathy.
	Keep going down.
	I'm still not sleeping like I used to.
	Even to this day, said PBS News Hour correspondent Lisa Desjardins.
	I became kind of an insomniac, to be totally honest.
	I mean, keep going.
	It's gold.
	It's my office.
	The building I love most in the fucking world.
	I used to call the Capitol my girlfriend.
	I've devoted 15 years of my goddamn life to that building, said freelance reporter Matt Pussyface, choking up.
	Choking up.
	Oh my God.
	Now, I don't want to be there.
	Okay, we have to look up this guy, Matt Laszlo.
	Dude, do you have a dad?
	We got to get Matt Laszlo's dad on the show and just say, so how are you feeling about this particular quote?
	And how would your dead dad feel knowing his grandson said that the Capitol was the building he loved most in the quote unquote fucking world, called it his girlfriend, and then started crying to Vice News, saying he doesn't want to be at his job anymore.
	Because the guy with buffalo fucking horns meandered.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You're a failure, Matt.
	Your grandfather died early.
	You know why?
	He died of shame.
	His legacy is you and your stupid fucking face.
	You and your Tarantino skull.
	With those kind of guys, I honestly, I feel like a homo because I look at them and I go, please be gay.
	Please be gay.
	Like I want them off the books.
	If he's gay, then I'm not here to criticize him.
	He's obviously low-T, whatever.
	But don't be one of us, please.
	Whoa.
	Did he get stung by a bee?
	Oh, my God.
	January 6th was worse than my bee stinging incident that happened two hours before this picture was taken.
	You know what?
	His face looks like you were in a car accident and you lost your face.
	And they said, we have some good news and some bad news.
	We can rebuild your face, but we're going to have to use your bag.
	And you're like, okay, whatever works.
	Any more pics of Matt?
	Oh, yeah.
	He looks so insecure in that photo, too, doesn't he?
	Well, we're driving pretty fast.
	And the dog doesn't have a seatbelt.
	He could go right through the windshield.
	What?
	Nothing says call your therapist like a house floor debate about the insurrection you were trapped in as some people who gave you personal threats overran the Capitol Council.
	Personal death threats.
	Yeah, right.
	The personal death threat was like, fuck you.
	I hope you fucking die.
	Not like, Matt Laszlo, we saw you at Trader Joe's on Thursday.
	We're going to fucking kill you at 32 Claremore Slane.
	Oh, what's happening here?
	He's growing plants.
	What?
	Look at his tattoo.
	Ah!
	What is that?
	Maybe he's dumb.
	You know what I mean?
	What is that, Chester?
	Zoom in on that.
	Let's see.
	Hey, I let some weeds grow and now I want to eat them.
	What is happening?
	Oh, imagine the story behind that.
	It was a sketch I did at a party with my friend Jen, who was like my fucking soulmate, I swear to God.
	And we were talking about a dystopian future where only the strong would survive and all the Trumpers would die and it would be up and to the right.
	Our port garden.
	Sort of like a woke Wakanda.
	And I made it a tattoo.
	All right.
	Can we let's see a couple more?
	I'm worried my alcohol intake is making me go on this.
	No, no, I want to see more like how scared they are.
	My fucking girlfriend.
	Wait, he's the gay that says my girlfriend.
	Oh, so he's a straight.
	He's straight.
	Yeah.
	Whoa.
	That's a weird thing.
	Maybe it was like a joke girlfriend, like my work wife.
	My girlfriend.
	Like that.
	Yeah.
	I was like, hey, girlfriend.
	Yes, queen.
	Oh, my God.
	It keeps going.
	There's a lot more.
	Wow.
	Okay, we'll see how long we can last.
	Here we go.
	I do remember just feeling unsafe in my house, said Wasson.
	It occurred to me, like, I wonder if some protesters could show up in my home.
	Yeah, they really give a shit about you, Wasson.
	I was trying to assess whether there was actually any danger to me and my family.
	Your family, yeah.
	You want to talk about danger to people?
	Try being on the right.
	We are the ones getting attacked in the streets.
	We are the ones who can't show pictures of our kids.
	No one gives a fuck about you, you loser.
	Keep going down.
	The next day I was so angry.
	So, so angry.
	That made the headline.
	Said Congressional Reporting Veteran John Breesham.
	Anyone who doesn't want to come up here again, I don't blame them at all.
	Even a little bit.
	One iota.
	They all talk like little kids.
	Not even one.
	Not even one grain of sand.
	When the Capitol Wyatt happened, I was 34 and a half.
	Read our full story.
	Yeah, that's the whole dang thing.
	We already did.
	And of course, our favorite frothing-at-the-mouth liberal, Amy Siskind, my neighbor, is still pushing for Proud Boys to pay.
	They must pay for the insurrection.
	Kind of surprising that the Proud Boys haven't been classified as a domestic terrorism organization.
	Okay, Amy, what about the Moors?
	What about Antifa?
	And then final story.
	Capital Cop Michael Bird, I believe his name is, is an incompetent boob.
	And that Antifa dude said, jump, jump, get in there, get in there.
	She jumped in, which was stupid.
	And she got too close to Ted Pence.
	And this fucking trigger happy moron shot her dead.
	And we find out that this guy has a long history of being totally incompetent because he's an affirmative action hire.
	Mike Bird was hired because he's black.
	Mark Bird.
	He dresses like a fucking idiot.
	He dresses like Tariq Nasheed.
	Yeah, with the matching tie and the big old pocket square.
	When you're Secret Service, don't have an elaborate floral pocket square with a matching tie.
	But there's all kinds of stories of him leaving his service weapon in the bathroom.
	He's got a laundry list of incompetence.
	And he got Ashley Babbitt killed.
	So when you were saying the death toll wasn't quite so bad at the meandering, you're talking about Ashley Babbitt.
	Because the cops were not killed there, I'm afraid.
	They don't even show his picture in this article.
	This guy's...
	No, you've got to Google image of him.
	Successfully hidden off the internet for the most part.
	Well, you don't have to Google images.
	You saw Legos thing, right?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I didn't mention that's on my notes, but yeah.
	They caught someone with one of the meanderers.
	They went to his house, and while going through his shit, they caught him with a Lego of the Capitol building and a bunch of other buildings.
	So what's your point there, you dunces?
	He's planning what entrance to go into?
	That's like their model when they're doing their plan with the blueprints?
	Wait, and then Lego.
	You know, a while ago, January 9th, fake Capital Invasion Lego set goes viral.
	Oh, no, that's that Lego set that they memed?
	Oh, yeah.
	But, um...
	Yes, right?
	That's that.
	And then, you know, ages 6 plus.
	And they have Capital Invasion on there.
	Okay.
	You know what we should have ready at all times is the footage of them wandering in where the guy was like, hey, man.
	Yeah.
	Bullhorns, where he's like, my favorite dude.
	I think I have it here.
	It's sort of like, yeah, I'm going to have to dig it up because it sums up this entire debate.
	Was it a meandering or was it an insurrection?
	The New York Times spent 9 million hours carefully putting together everything that looks bad, like those dummies smashing the windows, whatever.
	And that's the takeaway.
	But no, I want to see the real footage.
	I want to see the whole thing.
	And a massive part of it was wandering.
	In fact, I'm looking for this clip because it is where I got the name meandering.
	Uh-oh, I'm back to February 8th.
	That can't be good.
	Shazbot.
	Rock the Shazbot.
	This does not make for good TV.
	Wait, wait.
	Looking at pictures.
	See here.
	These guys, they appreciated the shout-out, by the way.
	Stop hate.
	And they're doing the documentary that properly displays what happened that day.
	Some of the suspicious Antifa members dressing up from black into MAGA gear and suspicious person, you know.
	Yeah.
	You know, when there's 8 billion hours of something, you can make it look scary.
	But we know it was not.
	It was stupid.
	I don't think it was evil.
	I think it was silly.
	Like trashing a bar when you get kicked out.
	So they're correcting the New York Times hit piece and everything.
	So this is a good one-stop shop.
	They say, look at all this bullshit.
	That absolves Trump.
	And then...
	I'll look forward here.
	They probably have that footage.
	I don't know how many people are watching this live.
	Let's take some calls.
	All right.
	I always have racism on my sheet of my notes, and I'm always just like, oh, fuck.
	So bored of it.
	We are bored of it.
	It's like living in Quebec and constantly talking about English versus French.
	Although that's different because there is English versus French conflict.
	There is not black versus white conflict in this country.
	It's not a thing.
	There was, but for the most part, Americans have learned to separate themselves from people they don't like or they have conflict with or that don't like them.
	Like, we're all Hasidic Jews in a way.
	Hasidic Jews have chosen areas like Curious Joel and they said, you know what?
	I am very, very traditionally Jewish.
	I don't like a lot of the stuff you're talking about.
	I'm just going to stay here in my little enclave and do my thing.
	And you can go do your thing and let's not talk.
	Okay.
	And that's true of Puerto Ricans, of black neighborhoods.
	You see all of this voluntary segregation.
	White liberal suburbs like to pretend they're into diversity, but they're very big on eugenics.
	They're careful about who their daughter dates, where their daughter goes to school.
	It's all a big plan to propagate the species and separate groups.
	There's a huge myth of the American melting pot.
	It's dead a long time ago.
	It's totally different groups, totally isolated.
	So they abolished segregation, and then it became voluntary on all sides.
	And the irony is the people from the whitest enclaves are the ones mad at everyone else for not being diverse enough.
	And we're sitting with a bunch of different races and not genders, but sexual preferences going, why don't you put your money where your mouth is and actually talk to a black person?
	You don't seem to like them.
	I never see you with them.
	You are on the air.
	Oh, now I got to get Maddie's mic.
	Understand why we have to stay.
	Why does everyone get?
	No, you know what?
	I got you.
	You have one thing.
	Got it?
	Thank you for calling.
	Okay, great.
	This is sounding like something that's challenging, and it's also something Ryan's doing, which is not good.
	Wait, do we have a call background, first of all?
	No, we don't.
	You have to do three things at once.
	I have to make a pee.
	You know, one might.
	But I'm not going to.
	No, you're fucked not.
	You better piss into a mug.
	Just put that on the thing.
	You're throwing expensive equipment around?
	You should have a piss jug by your desk.
	Yeah, no, I could piss in a thing.
	Alright, so let's see here what we're sending these people.
	USB audio device.
	This should be good.
	You want to take the first caller and check it out?
	We basically just asked Stephen Hawkings to breakdance.
	You know, when my grandfather was a bookie, Johnny McGinnis, he would recalculate the bets in his head as he took them in.
	And you would hope that your son will be able to say that about your job.
	My dad would have three mics at once.
	One was going into tape, one was going to the Skype, one was a guest, and then he'd also take the calls.
	But I have a feeling he won't be saying that.
	He'll be saying, they'll be saying, oh, wait, it's a chick, right?
	What's her name going to be?
	We don't know yet.
	We're down to two different options.
	I'm guessing that she'll have a show one day where she's an engineer, and the song will be, Julie, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	That's not true.
	That will not happen.
	Because I'll be there.
	Yeah.
	And their video clip will be Ryan saying, there's nothing wrong with that.
	There's nothing wrong with that.
	Oh, that's much funnier than my joke.
	Well, you have to do it in my voice.
	So that way somebody can clip it.
	Wow, you're already screwing up a lot.
	Jason.
	What's up, Jace?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Oh, wow.
	I got through right away.
	You guys must have had a lot of colors today.
	No, not really.
	We're not going to be able to do it.
	Yeah, I thought I'd be back in my car.
	I'm not walking my dog.
	Sorry if it's windy.
	So, um, your player, I was wondering if you guys could add a feature where I could skip back or forward 10 seconds at a time.
	You know, I like how you can do it with YouTube.
	Yeah, we'll look into that.
	Thanks for calling.
	That's a good suggestion.
	If you rotate the phone.
	Not the most dynamic.
	What happens if you rotate the phone?
	If you rotate the phone, you have it in full screen, right?
	Yeah.
	Wait, wait.
	I got a...
	I can't hear you, Maddie.
	Can we turn your phone?
	Maddie just said there is.
	It's 15 seconds.
	Yeah, I think you have to go sideways.
	Okay, you have to turn it sideways and large.
	Wait, talk a little louder, Matty?
	The bottom left corner on the app, when you turn your phone sideways.
	Yeah, here I am doing it like crazy.
	You can advance it and rewind it.
	So that's a stupid waste of a call.
	Next.
	All right.
	We got Matt talking about casual sex.
	Oh, sexy.
	Good afternoon, guys.
	That's my favorite drop.
	What's going on?
	Gavin, you made an acutely painful comment when you talked about the casual sex lifestyle being comparable to that of a fag.
	That one hit me home.
	I actually called into the Gavin McKinnis show a few years back and told you about a threesome with this Asian girl and a Brazilian girl.
	I don't know if you remember that, but I've had my fair share of casual sex and I'm definitely looking for more of a relationship.
	But what do you say to guys who don't want to faff?
	They don't want to masturbate their lives away, but they also need sex.
	And how do you strike that balance while kind of looking for the relationship?
	But in the interim, how do you make sure that you're not just masturbating and watching porn and you're actually getting sex?
	Well, that's the beauty of the whole formula is if you can't get it anywhere else, you go out and get it.
	That's like, you know, how am I going to learn to hunt if people are always bringing Kentucky Fried Chicken to my house?
	Say no to the Kentucky Fried Chicken.
	So the only way you can eat is to go out and hunt.
	You have to deprive yourself.
	At some point do you become a lavish stag?
	And does it just become like a lifestyle?
	Okay, so like where's the fish?
	So you deprive yourself of the Kentucky Fried Chicken.
	You go out and hunt.
	But after constantly hunting and hunting and hunting and hunting, you get the idea.
	It's time for agriculture.
	It's time to sort of raise some cows.
	And eventually you should, I mean, come on, dude, 10 years.
	You start finding a girl that's funny.
	There's a million ways to tell if she's the one.
	Do you enjoy breakfast with her the next day?
	Are you sad when she leaves?
	Is she funny?
	Do you not want To just fucking shove her out the window the second you jizz on her tits.
	And then it's time to settle down.
	10 years is enough partying.
	Time to make a baby.
	I think I know why.
	She rules with his drops.
	Thank you so much.
	Okay, bye.
	I think I know why.
	I think I know why.
	I hate how they're clapping as he says that, too.
	We got Danny on the line, dog.
	Danny.
	What's going on, Gab?
	Hey, man.
	How you doing?
	Hey, so we're heading into the weekend, a couple days here, and the bars are starting to open up in California.
	I'm wondering if you have any tips for picking up chicks at the bar.
	Yeah.
	Sorry, my wife's mad at me.
	She doesn't realize that I'm at work.
	Here's a great way to get a chick.
	I've told you the trick earlier about saying like, you're so pretty I can't look at you.
	But here's another one.
	Lie.
	All's fair and love and more.
	So you ready for a great lie?
	You walk in, there's some girls at the bar and you go, holy shit.
	I just saw a guy outside with no pants on and a red turtleneck shirt talking to someone.
	Someone in a scooter pulled up and said, what the fuck are you doing?
	He was about to beat someone up.
	And he said, I just need someone to love.
	No one.
	I'm not kidding.
	I'm not lying.
	It doesn't say that.
	You're a liar.
	And then the guy in the red.
	When did you last see him?
	You can be incredulous at your own story, too.
	When was the last time you saw a red turtleneck?
	Do they even make those?
	It makes me think of Satanists.
	Now you're giving some color.
	Anyway, he jumps on the back of the guy's scooter and they took off together.
	I'm like, I honestly thought I was in a movie.
	What the fuck?
	And now that justifies you talking to them because you're in such a daze from what you just saw, you had to tell somebody.
	But I'm talking to you here on a human level.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling, buddy.
	Yeah, make up a bullshit story.
	Some guy in a wheelchair.
	It's got to be, they have to be gone, obviously, because she might run outside and go, really?
	I got to go see that.
	You can't say, like, I saw a dead tiger in the road.
	It's got to be something that's mobile.
	Make sure your lie literally has wheels.
	Like a dead tiger.
	What?
	Like a dead tiger.
	I'm the tiger king.
	I don't like carabiscans.
	Dude, your tiger king is...
	I got a dust.
	It's gone sour.
	Your tiger king is milk.
	No, you haven't heard him since he's been in the clink.
	That's what he sounds like now.
	Okay.
	We got Big Brother documentary online.
	Hey, guys.
	Maddie, by the way, you're awesome on the show, man.
	We should have you more on the show.
	Appreciate it.
	It'd be awesome to have you on there.
	Yeah, Galvin, I was watching the Big Brother documentary just while I was waiting for you guys to get all your shit together because I know you guys were bouncing around.
	But you fucking showed up.
	You know you're in that, right?
	I assume you do.
	Yeah.
	I know I'm in a documentary.
	So it was kind of crazy because I was like, holy fuck.
	Your lack of chin is very disturbing, though, because you have like zero goatee right there.
	Yeah, so that was when we were shooting the movie that's been shelved, and thanks for calling.
	And we had to do youth scenes when I was like 20.
	So I had to shave my mustache and beard and get punk hair and diet and stuff.
	And I was like, whatever, it's for a movie.
	It'll be cool.
	It'll be finally released.
	I'll just be ugly for like six months.
	And then they shelved the fucking thing.
	So then when Big Brother call, I have nothing to show.
	So I draw a mustache on as something.
	And then I deal with the cards I was dealt.
	But Maddie and I are both Scottish.
	Believe it or not, Maddie and I are breathtakingly gorgeous when we go back to Glasgow.
	Oh, yeah.
	We have strong chins.
	We are tall.
	And we're definitely above average handsome.
	Now, that says a lot more about Glasgow than it does about us.
	Exactly.
	But like, we could, I'm not joking.
	We could be models in Glasgow.
	Like, we could do a seniors ad for long distance or something.
	Like, do you miss your dad?
	And then I could be like, hey, I miss you too, Paul.
	How's Australia?
	And it wouldn't look unusual.
	Too many hot.
	Dude, the city, since we've moved to the South Bronx, we go to the city more often.
	And living up in the burbs and then going into the city, the level of hotness.
	Even the asses are better.
	The asses are two bowling balls who are best friends just hanging out in some pants.
	Or those espadrilles where they tie it around the ankle a bunch of times and there's a big bow like around their ankles.
	That, but she's skinny with a fat ass and she's blonde and she's walking down the street.
	Even her walk was awesome.
	There was at least three times where I was in the Upper West Side meeting Gavin Wax and I would have to go like I just saw someone bite the head off a bat.
	You're talking like a nine?
	Oh, yes.
	Nice.
	Yeah.
	Look at that beautiful, beautiful bird.
	The bird, which is the bald eagle.
	Maybe I took calls too early here.
	I'm worried we're losing momentum.
	We got a guy named Justin on.
	What's up, Justin?
	Hey, what's up, guys?
	Hey, man.
	How are you today?
	We're fine.
	Hey, first off, I just would say real quick, Ryan, you look exactly like A.C. Slater from Saved by the Bell, man.
	Hell yeah.
	Looks a good movie.
	I don't say that disparagingly.
	I mean, that's pretty rad, but you look exactly like AC Slater.
	Thank you.
	There's no way to say a negative A.C. Slater reference.
	Oh, no, man.
	Yeah, definitely.
	You're like the captain of the Bay Side Wrestling Team.
	But, yeah, you were talking about pronouns earlier, man.
	Yeah.
	So I went, so I go to a doctor, but I hadn't been there in like five years.
	Last time I was there, I had this like gorgeous, like beautiful, like super hot doctor, right?
	And I went to the, this was like five years ago.
	I went to the doctor's and I forgot why I was there.
	I didn't want to tell her what was wrong with me because I was like, in my brain, I'm like, oh, I could get with this chick, right?
	So I was just like, I'm just here for a checkup.
	So then fast forward, like five years later, I have to go back to the doctor's.
	So I'm like, oh, yeah, I get to see hot doctor.
	I got a haircut, right?
	I'm all like walking on Cloud 9.
	I go to the doctor's, and the first thing I see is like doctor's office and like this giant rainbow and it's like LGBTQ plus.
	And I'm like, okay, that's kind of weird.
	Whatever.
	It's June.
	It's Pride Month.
	I walk in and there's rainbows everywhere.
	Walk up to the front desk and they're like, oh, hey, Mr. Justin, how are you today?
	I'm like, okay, how are you?
	What are your pronouns?
	And I'm like, huh?
	What does that mean?
	Like, pronouns?
	I'm a dude.
	I was like, you don't think I'm a girl, right?
	She's like, oh, no, no, your pronouns, how do you identify?
	That ain't you.
	It's a man.
	What do you mean?
	She's like, he, him, she, her.
	I'm like, yeah, no, just, just, just, he.
	So they're asking that to everyone at doctor's offices now?
	The problem with a lot of these places, too, is they don't want to get in shit.
	So they go, uh, I guess your pronouns.
	Well, no, it's even worse than that.
	So, like, I give them my insurance card.
	I sit down.
	I sit down, and you know how they have, like, highlights magazine or like Time Magazine or whatever?
	It's like out magazine on the counter, and it was like how one man struggled to be accepted for like his leather obsession, and it's this dude, like, in like leather kink outfit.
	And I'm like, holy shit.
	And then, like, looking otherwise.
	Thanks for calling.
	That sounds super gay.
	Yeah, it was, man.
	It was horrible.
	This is not getting much better, is it?
	It's only been a day or two, right?
	The fear is like when the red spreads.
	That's all you really got to watch out for is the lines.
	But the red is starting to spread.
	You've got to spread.
	Next call.
	Nick.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Yes.
	My first thing I want to say is, you know, I'm looking forward to the discussion you're going to have with Alex Jones in this new studio about 9-11.
	And hypothetically, if you found out today or tomorrow that 9-11 was 100% an inside job, they blew up the towers, what would change in your mindset?
	What would your reaction be to 9-11 being an inside job?
	100%.
	And also, I think I heard you say that you had your wife and some of your kids were vaccinated.
	And I just want to say, Jesus Christ, they're going to be dead in a few years.
	How do we let them do that?
	Totally depopulation.
	Thanks for calling.
	Very Infowarsy indude.
	As far as 9-11 goes, I'm already very upset with it.
	And I think that the inside jobness that I'm willing to concede is that Bush was aware it was a threat.
	Clinton had an opportunity to kill Bin Laden and said no.
	So I am okay with Bush being aware of an imminent threat and not doing anything about it.
	But it's more about incompetence than having a reason to attack the Middle East.
	I think that if a government wants to attack the Middle East, they just do it.
	Look at Afghanistan.
	Did we need justification for that?
	Most Americans don't even know if we're in Iraq and Afghanistan right now.
	So they don't really need to come up with some lie to justify it.
	I definitely don't think it was explosives in the Trade Center.
	I know it was planes, blah, blah, blah.
	I don't know.
	You know, 9-11 is like Holocaust stuff with me.
	I feel like.
	Or the album Legend by Bob Marley.
	I feel like I've covered it enough for one lifetime.
	There's nothing wrong with that.
	What's next?
	We got Tony on the lane.
	Tony?
	Thanks for calling.
	That was great.
	I got an idea.
	Hey, Maddie, I want to go up and get a drink.
	Say someone's going to prison for three years tomorrow.
	What would your advice to them be?
	Three years?
	Can you hear him okay, or is he on the wrong mic?
	That's right.
	So it's his lab?
	Yeah.
	You're hearing his lab?
	Can you hear me?
	Yeah.
	Hello.
	Hang up on that guy.
	Yeah.
	If I was going to prison, if you were going to go to prison for three years, it's a short timing.
	You know, it's not that long of a sentence.
	The best thing to do is to try to clear your mind of everything that exists outside of the fence or the wall, depending on what prison or facility you're in, because it really doesn't pertain to you anymore.
	I mean, you have to live your day-to-day life as mundane as it is in there every day.
	And you can't get mad at your family or your friends because they're not going to understand the situation that you're in.
	Never hang up the phone in anger when you talk to your family or your friends because it will just chew you up and spit you out while you're inside.
	You know, just try to make the best of it.
	Do the time.
	Don't let the time do you.
	I mean, a lot of people stress out and they're stress balls and they get in a lot of trouble for it.
	I mean, stay away from gambling.
	Stay away from gangs.
	Stay away from the homosexuals.
	Don't have a drug habit.
	If you steer clear of those four things, you're pretty much pretty safe.
	I mean, I don't know if anybody who listens has been in a communal setting, in military, prisons, or large organizations.
	You're going to find the people that you click with and that you're going to vibe with, and those are going to be your core friends who are going to have your back.
	And as well as you have their back.
	Because you have the same ideals, the same thought processes, maybe you have the same kind of charge, same amount of time.
	You know that it's not forever.
	Three years sounds like a lot, but it's really not.
	It goes by faster than what you would really think.
	Remember you told me about that guy who was obsessed with custody of his kids and where they were located.
	Well, he had a rough bit.
	He was a military prisoner.
	This is when I was in federal prison.
	He was a military prisoner.
	He had a triple zero number.
	That's how you design.
	Oh, I thought they have their own prisons.
	No, no.
	If you're doing more than five years in the military, they kick you into the federal system.
	And in the federal system, the last three numbers of your ID, like mine's 054, which means Southern District of New York.
	Military prisons are triple zero.
	That means that designates them as a military prisoner.
	My old cellmate was doing life because he had murdered another soldier in Germany and he was doing life.
	And he used to just tear himself up by trying to, I mean, it was great that he maintained a relationship with his children, but he tried to maintain a relationship with his ex-wife, which is like a lost cause because in federal prison,
	life means life.
	You're never going home.
	So.
	What are they going to do?
	Exactly.
	Celebrate.
	So he would transfer all over the country.
	Like when I was a cellmate, we were in FCI Allenwood at the time, in Pennsylvania.
	White Deer, Pennsylvania.
	And he had just transferred from like Terminal Island in California because his wife had moved to Wisconsin and he had asked for a near-home transfer.
	And they sent him to Pennsylvania as close as he could get to Wisconsin.
	And, you know, it's this.
	It's a 16-hour drive.
	He would just torture himself.
	Like, you can't live outside the wall.
	I mean, yeah, you can write, you know, talk on the phone, you know, have good communications.
	Still has children.
	You know, he wants to be a part of their life as much as he can.
	But, you know, he wasn't getting visits.
	And, you know, it was just too much for the ex-wife.
	Did he ever figure it out and distance himself?
	I don't know.
	I mean, he's still there today.
	Unfortunately.
	And it was tough because when I had met him, he was 37 and he had 17 years in.
	So he got locked up when he was, you know, he joined the army.
	He had got a heroin addiction.
	Oh, yeah, he killed a guy who made money for sale.
	He had a money back for $28.
	He had $8 in his pocket, and he took his ATM and his PIN number.
	He had $20 in the bank and ticket out.
	How'd he kill him?
	Beat him to death.
	Can you just beat him up?
	I would have thought.
	Hindsight's 2020 when you're in prison for listening.
	The guy, my old cellmate, was having a rough time with his wife, and he knew that my old cellmate was bummed out, and he went to the barracks to his room.
	He was like, hey, come on, I'll take you out to town and get a couple of beers.
	And one thing led to another, and he ended up killing the guy.
	Took a gold chain and $28.
	Doing life.
	What a waste.
	I blame heroin.
	Heroin will do that to you.
	People watching are going to want to know why you were in prison.
	Oh, I went to federal prison for what they call 922G1, which is felon in possession of a firearm.
	I was already a convicted felon from the state of New York for another weapons charge, criminal possession of a weapon in third degree, a D-felony.
	And I have given an undercover federal agent a handgun in the bathroom of a barn in Manassas, Virginia.
	So that goes back to what we were talking about earlier.
	Was there ever any time with that fed who you gave the gun to where you're like, why don't you have any tattoos?
	Or why don't you do Coke?
	I mean, at that point in time, I had met the guy prior.
	We had what they called was a president meeting and the charter, the club I was in, had held that president's meeting.
	And as a prospect charter, they were required to come up and do security and stuff like that as prospects.
	So I had met him briefly there.
	I mean, literally, maybe said hello.
	That was it.
	So was it someone else's fault for vetting him in a way?
	Because when you meet a stranger like that, you assume someone else has done their due diligence.
	Exactly.
	And I had been coming, I'd been traveling from Raleigh, North Carolina, back up, and I was going to a party in Maryland, in North Beach, Maryland.
	And we had stopped in to sit in on their weekly meeting, which is called Church.
	And we missed it.
	We got sidetracked and lost.
	And we finally met them at a place called Fast Eddie's bar in Manassas.
	And we went in, had a couple cocktails, you know, getting ready to leave to go to North Beach, Maryland for the party the next day.
	And we seen all the goons squad, like all the black suburbans in the parking lot, you know, doing surveillance.
	So I told the people I was with, listen, I'm carrying this gun.
	You know, what do you want me to do?
	You know, we're going to get pulled over when we leave here.
	So my buddy called over a guy.
	He said, hey, come over here.
	He said, take a walk with him.
	Maybe that buddy was also a fed.
	No, no, no, no.
	How much was the gun worth?
	Oh, probably a couple hundred bucks.
	I mean, it was pretty funny that the guy who called the guy over and told the prospect, a guy named his name was Poet.
	His nickname was Poet.
	His Real name was Ken Larson.
	And my buddy came and testified at my trial.
	And they arrested him for perjury.
	He never made it out of the courtroom.
	No way.
	Yeah.
	He had ever been in trouble before.
	And because I guess it was a perjury charge, he didn't do any federal time.
	He had federal supervised release for like three or four years.
	So, and by the way, folks watching, you can watch the whole story on Censored.t.
	No, sorry, on Free Speech, where we sat down with Maddie Odell for a long time about this.
	But what would you say to the folks watching if they would like to pursue a life of crime?
	Is it a good investment?
	Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
	I know it's kind of cliche, but in this day and age with all the modern technology, it's not...
	I mean, I have a criminal history.
	It goes back to 1988.
	That's what my adult criminal history starts.
	So back then it was a little easier, a little more play, attitudes were different.
	But if you don't want to do time, you don't want to be in prison, don't do crime.
	I mean, some people I know say crime face.
	I mean, it's sort of like everything, right?
	It pays for the top 5%.
	Yeah.
	Like the NBA, like music.
	Oh, yeah.
	The top 5%, we got people out there dealing drugs.
	They're making no money.
	Then there's the top 5% making 80% of the 100%.
	I know people that have been doing crime for 20 plus 30 years, you know, and they've never been caught.
	They're good.
	I read somewhere that the average salary for a criminal is like $60,000 a year.
	But what they're probably doing is the kingpins are getting medianed out by the little kids starting their way up selling like dime bags.
	Well, Rico in conspiracy laws changed all that because they say it takes a nickel bag to catch a kingpin.
	Ah, so Giuliani ended crime.
	Well, he put a dent in it.
	I'll tell you that one.
	Not only did he clean up Times Square, he did put a dent in it.
	He cleaned up America.
	That hurts me for my criminal friends, but I also am happy for cleaning up crime.
	That's the strange dichotomy of being a not left is you kind of like the cowboy element of the crime, but you also like Juliani cleaning up New York City.
	I mean, look at it today.
	Fuck.
	Well, look what Como did.
	He just enacted the first national state emergency for firearm crimes.
	Yes, because he acted.
	We have, you can pull this up.
	Go to 2-1.
	He said, we did such a great job with the pandemic.
	What?
	He's talking about himself.
	Yeah.
	That I could take this brilliant formula I used and extend it to gun control.
	What are you saying?
	Take gun criminals and put them in old folks' homes so 5,000 old people die?
	I don't understand.
	How many people believe this when he says I did such a great job?
	We went from one epidemic to another epidemic.
	We went from COVID of gun violence.
	Step one, treat it like a public health issue.
	We know how to deal with an epidemic.
	What we want to say is we want to do with gun violence what we just did with COVID.
	Step two, get smart.
	Use science like we did on COVID.
	How did we attack COVID?
	We mapped it and we found out where it was and we found the clusters and then we attacked the clusters.
	You can do the same thing with gun violence.
	Step four, break the cycle of escalating violence.
	Like COVID, gun violence spreads like a virus.
	And I want them to respond to the emergency for the way it is.
	So today, the first state in the nation is going to declare a disaster emergency on gun violence.
	Yes!
	I like how he has his sunburn from sitting on the beach.
	You know what the bad thing is, is what he's saying here.
	He goes, we have to map it like we mapped COVID and find the clusters.
	And unfortunately, as we all know, low-income, poverty-stricken areas are where the clusters are going to be.
	Yeah, Eastern Europe.
	And when we used to have stop and frisk, we used to have, you know, no bail reform.
	You're going to start picking on that community again, and it's going to be an uproaring that it's you're picking on the ghetto.
	You're picking on black children.
	Well, that's exactly what I thought with the whole you have to get on the database thing, where they said you can't have fake vaccine cards because you're going to have to have it on your phone, your iPhone, your $1,000 iPhone has to be registered,
	and you have to get on the internet and do all that shit.
	They say blacks can't have ID.
	That's too hard.
	But they can get $1,000 iPhones and log in and have all this shit.
	So I knew that eventually they were going to kill it because it would be like old Dominican dudes who have flip phones, can't get on, and it would become a racist law.
	So it's ironic that he's saying, let's make it like COVID by isolating the problem.
	And he's describing isolating gun violence as a black thing.
	Right.
	You're going to put more police in those communities.
	The cluster's called East New York and Harlem.
	Washington Heights.
	Staten Island.
	You know, the South Bronx.
	South Bronx.
	We're in the cluster right now.
	And, you know, unfortunately, those are the facts.
	Those are the facts.
	You can't get around them.
	Yeah, they get around it all the fucking time.
	Let's take another call.
	That was a good little break.
	Let's see.
	It just says, you know.
	I'm just staring at my blisters.
	253.
	Please don't be about 9-11 or juice.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hey.
	Did you see that Moore's Moore's guys?
	Did you report on this?
	Yes.
	Oh, I didn't see it.
	I watched all your shit, but we reported on it on this show, sir.
	Thanks for calling.
	I didn't.
	Oh.
	Thanks for justifying a call.
	Next call, you should get that guy, Matty O'Dell, on the show.
	The guy you did a free speech with a while ago.
	And put on a suit, for fuck's sakes.
	Yeah, and do something with that right hand.
	It's boring.
	Next time a Roman candle's coming at you, fucking grab it, dude.
	Get some of those.
	And hey, Ryan, get a haircut.
	Yeah, okay, all right.
	And Ryan, you can't see.
	Yeah, dress like Riffraff.
	Hey.
	Time Warper.
	That guy's Instagram is pretty funny.
	He's a cool guy.
	I can't tell how much he's kidding, but I don't care anymore.
	I live in Clown World.
	I've given up on determining what's a joke and what's not.
	Now I'm just like, what's amusing?
	And you know what I've noticed with my daughter and her friends?
	I don't think they do irony.
	Did I mention this already on the show?
	Like when we would buy shirts from second-hand clothing stores and it said like Catholic Jesus Camp and it had Jesus on a cross and people would go, oh, you're not religious.
	Are you making fun of it?
	And you're like, I don't know.
	I just think it's a cool design.
	And my daughter will listen to super cool hipster stuff that's like the latest edgy music.
	And then she'll also listen to Insane Clown Posse.
	And I go, oh, are you making fun of them?
	And she goes, no.
	And I realize they don't do that anymore.
	I don't think they have cool and not cool in a way.
	Or maybe it's become cool to not have cool rules.
	I don't fucking know.
	727, you want a line?
	Otto?
	What's up, dude?
	Don't fuck around, Gabin.
	Don't fuck around, Kebine.
	Oh, you get abused, scene?
	I gotta tell you, that's one of my favorite fucking stories you ever tell.
	You know, I've been telling that story for ever since it happened.
	It happened in like 2001.
	And I didn't find it that crazy.
	You would not believe how many people call me Kebine and request that story.
	It's a fucking hit.
	I don't know why.
	It's a good one.
	Crazy little Rastafarian fucking Caribbean Tico.
	That's right.
	So I watched the whole thing, and Sam Peder claims that you had him lined up to debate, you know, that you had Crowder and Sam Peder lined up to debate, and that Crowder pussyed out.
	I have a hard time believing that.
	True, but do you have a recall that?
	Yeah, here's the truth.
	Here's what happened.
	So I hired a team to call all these people.
	My concept was liberals and conservatives fighting.
	Or not fighting, but yeah, fighting.
	Like Gore Vidal and William F. Buckley.
	I don't want to do that.
	I don't want to call them up and beg them.
	So I gave them a budget, which they fucking tore through like a Tasmanian devil.
	And I said, go find them.
	So they contacted Sam Seder.
	And Sam Seder said, I'll do it if I can debate Crowder.
	Now, Crowder has been stalked by Sam Seder for a million years.
	He really wants to debate Crowder.
	Crowder debates people for a living.
	Change my mind, that's all he does.
	He's fought with Rogan about marijuana, Ruben.
	He's got a long laundry list.
	He used to do it on Fox News all the time.
	On Fox News, right.
	So what I think is going on here is Crowder sees Cedar as like this sad Bassett hound that keeps following him everywhere, and he doesn't want to concede and be like, okay, Bassett Hound, I'll play with you too.
	So that's like me saying, I've been, you know, I've given Eva Mendez a million opportunities to fuck me, and she keeps chickening out because she knows that I'll blow her mind.
	Crowder just sees Cedar as below him, and I think he's right.
	Yeah, no, he never agreed.
	That makes sense.
	Oh, no, I promise you.
	I swear in a stack of Bibles, Crowder never, no, Crowder was kind of mad at me because he goes, what, now you got that fucking Bassethound back up in my grill?
	And I was like, I didn't even know this went on.
	I farmed this out.
	And I don't think the people, the people I got, there was like this black agency.
	And I don't think they even knew who any of these people were.
	They got me Cornell West and all the black dudes.
	And so when Sam Cedar said, I'll do it, but I need Steven Crowder, they're like, okay, let's look up Steven Crowder, whoever the fuck that is.
	No, Steven Crowder would never agree to anything and then pussy out.
	Yeah.
	Well, thank you very much.
	I appreciate it.
	Cheers.
	We can do a couple more.
	We got Steve.
	Gentlemen, how are you?
	Good.
	How are you?
	Good, good.
	So here's the situation.
	I'm expecting my first child in August.
	I live in an area pretty nice.
	Actually, I live pretty close to you, Gavin.
	She's a doctor.
	I'm a truck driver.
	So unless my project pulls through, I'm not going to make as much money as she does.
	I know where this is going.
	This is tough.
	Am I a sad because it looked like I'm going to have to raise our daughter?
	Or am I being a man by making a decision to provide my family with the highest standard of living that I possibly can, your opinion?
	So what does a trucker make if he's kicking ass and taking names?
	Not you, but someone who's been doing it for like five to ten years.
	Maddie would know.
	Are you union?
	Yeah.
	I mean, I would say 282 or 456.
	I can't really hear him.
	Are you saying 282 grand?
	No, no, no. 282 or 456.
	No, he's asking you what union.
	What's going on with his audio?
	Oh, I don't fucking know.
	I just started off.
	I'm making like $14 an hour, but with tips, you can kind of double it, and hours are kind of sketchy.
	That's not a trucker, dude.
	You're not driving an 18-wheeler.
	Oh, sorry.
	I should specify.
	It is not a giant 18-wheeler, but it is one of those big 35, 36-foot rider, 11-foot-high trucks.
	And what are you transporting?
	Grocery delivery, essentially.
	Okay.
	To grocery stores.
	No, from grocery stores to people.
	Like fresh direct.
	Like people.
	Exactly, yeah, like a fresh direct.
	Okay, yeah, yeah, I got you.
	That's minimum wage?
	And it's $14 an hour plus tips.
	But that's a hard license to get.
	No, you don't need CDL here.
	Oh, he's under £26,000.
	Huh.
	This is a tough one.
	I don't know what the fuck she's doing with you.
	October.
	I'm just that charming, I guess.
	So what's her annual salary looking like?
	Actually, hold on.
	You always said for women to find guys who had a thing, and I have things going on.
	Oh.
	Yeah, I did.
	I did say that.
	But what I wanted was for her to not be a doctor and for you to start out trucking with Fresh Direct and then move up to 18 Wheelers and then move up to your own fleet.
	This is correct.
	Unfortunately, she's already done the doctor thing.
	I mean, I met her when she was in college, and we went through the whole thing together, which was horrible.
	But yeah, I mean, she made it out, and that's what she always wanted to do, and I always supported her through it.
	And it's kind of shitty because at the end, she always did want to be with the kid at the end of the day.
	She wanted to be like a housewife, but she just was like, oh, but who knows if that's going to happen.
	So here I am doing this.
	We all agree at that.
	You know, Kennedy over at Fox Business News, she felt the same way, but she's so talented that her contract was like, I don't know what it was.
	Let's guess it was like $400,000 a year when she started.
	So it was, and her boyfriend, I think they might be divorced now, actually, which is foreboding.
	But I think her husband at the time was like a snowboarder pothead dude.
	Hey, man, I love the kids.
	So back then, it would be dumb for her to say no to $400,000 a year.
	And it's an incredible talent she has.
	Like, she reads the teleprompter, and it sounds like I'm talking now.
	It sounds so fucking natural.
	And she writes all her stuff.
	She's a genius.
	So it'd be dumb for her to ignore that genius.
	Though her marriage, I think, did fall apart.
	And he wasn't doing anything.
	I don't know, Maddie.
	We may have to go to the studio audience for this.
	This is a tough one.
	No, no.
	Don't go to Ryan.
	No one's asking Ryan.
	How does his wife feel about his job?
	Do you hear that?
	How does my wife feel about the job?
	Yeah.
	I mean, yeah, she doesn't, I mean, hate that I'm working.
	She likes that I'm working.
	But at the end of the day, let me put it this way.
	Even if I pulled doubles every single day, I wouldn't make half of what she makes.
	No matter what I do.
	Like I said, the only way I think I can pull through is that I have to break through and my project would have to pull through.
	My thing would have to really start making me real money.
	I know you're dying to ask me what my thing is.
	Is it a public thing?
	Oh, yeah.
	I mean, I wrote a book on the Second Amendment going through the actual historical record that's on Amazon.
	Oh, it's all along.
	It's a commercial for your book.
	He's been avoiding saying that.
	No, no.
	Don't even follow it up.
	I'm not going to tell you the title.
	You don't want to know it.
	No, I want to know the title.
	I'm just kidding.
	Is this John Lott?
	It's called The Second Amendment, Rediscovering the Inalienable Right to Firearm Ownership and Self-Defense.
	You can find it on Amazon in paperback and e-book.
	So I think we may have solved it.
	Yeah, the delivering fresh direct's not going to happen.
	Not if she's going to be making $300,000.
	But am I a SAD in that case?
	Or am I doing what's best for my family?
	Because clearly she's going to buy a higher standard of listening.
	I think you are a SAD, but you've figured out a way around it, and we don't have a choice.
	Like I have no chin, you know, I have the shoulders of Elmo.
	There's a lot of things we all have to accept that are not cool.
	And it's not cool to be a stay-at-home dad.
	But the way to save it for you is to keep writing these intellectual books.
	And then your wife can say, my husband's a writer.
	That sounds pretty good.
	You have no idea how hard I'm pushing this thing.
	I was on a podcast.
	I've just been pushing this like crazy.
	You don't understand.
	I mean, well, you do understand.
	And you understand this world.
	I was on a podcast called 2A All Day and kind of to talk about the book.
	And he's a great guy, Ross Carter.
	He's a cool dude.
	And it's, you know, this space, this kind of like media personality, kind of getting into this space, like, it's a tough world, man.
	I give you a lot of credit for, you know, breaking through and doing, especially what you do being so controversial, even though you're really not controversial.
	You're just regular dad politics.
	Yeah, I'm doing great with it, with media.
	You might want to check out the new issue of Rolling Stone or the new issue of Vanity Fair.
	It's been going really well.
	They're thrilled.
	Touched.
	I have a question about this because this was kind of similar.
	But if you go to work, right, and then she's there at home.
	Who is going to be cleaning your toilet, Donald Trump?
	Oh, that's tiny.
	Wow, what a large setup for a tiny, tiny junkie.
	Anyway, thanks for calling, buddy.
	That was a real.
	Thank you.
	That was a real brain teaser, but I think we got it.
	If you have to be a stay-at-home dad, which is bad and sad, S-A-H-D, you can counter it by doing something like writing books.
	You could also, like, make knives.
	Any sort of like male hobby Could save the day.
	And then your incredibly successful wife could be like, oh, he's always making axes.
	I wish he would do something more serious.
	And then at least the parents don't see like this.
	Like, I met this couple.
	The woman was like a brain surgeon.
	The dad, and I'm sorry, but the fact that he was Asian made it worse.
	And he was a stay-at-home dad, and he didn't have anything else going on.
	So he was like taking them to daycare.
	And not daycare, sorry.
	He was taking them to the park and driving them around and playing with their dollies.
	And it's like, that's embarrassing.
	Am I right, Maddie?
	Why's the children's country?
	And for good reason.
	Yeah.
	It's not natural.
	The men are usually the breadwinners.
	Yeah, and when you're a dad of little kids, you take them to the park and they play around.
	They're like, Daddy, Daddy, chase me.
	And you chase them for a while.
	And they're like, all right, I'm done fucking chasing you.
	Go play with other kids.
	I'm not four.
	I can't do this.
	But like my wife, she can play Kid Monopoly, Uno.
	Like she can play with kids all fucking day.
	Once I'm done playing, there's this, my youngest boy, obviously I adore him and I love playing this game with him.
	It's like Mario Monopoly.
	It's like Nintendo Monopoly.
	It's for kids.
	And it's the same concept of like buying land and then charging people, but it's a very simplified version.
	After I'm done with that, I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize.
	I'm like, all right, I'm going to the bar to do heroin for three days.
	I played that fucking stupid game.
	Like, I like playing it, but it's exhausting as a dad.
	As a woman, they're like, where's round two?
	I want to cream you next time.
	Just the way we're designed.
	So if you're stuck in that situation, which I think this guy is, Fresh Direct is clearly going nowhere, then you got to counteract it with something masculine.
	Shit.
	I saw this guy online today who was collecting Hell's Angel stuff and other outlaw motorcycle gangs, and he had bought these fucking Zippos.
	Do you know what I'm talking about?
	Yeah, yeah.
	They should be in not the Smithsonian.
	They should be in the Met.
	This guy spends 400 hours making these Zippos.
	There it is.
	It's a crack pipe.
	It's got a roach clip.
	And I think it's a functioning Zippo, too.
	Yeah.
	Everything comes out from the bottom in all sorts.
	It's one of the most fantastic pieces of machinery I've ever seen.
	It's got a lot of hand carved artery and stuff on it, I believe.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So if you're going to be a stay-at-home dad, at least make some fucking Zippo crackpipes.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

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