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April 9, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
57:39
GOML LIVE #92 - SAYONARA
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Time Text
No, I don't want to fuck you, you can't even sing.
Thanks, Simon.
Get some boots on.
Ooh, baby, I like it.
Roar.
Live from New York.
Get off my lawn.
Oh, baby, I like it.
Roar.
Yeah, baby, I like it.
Roar.
Yeah, baby, I like it.
Roar.
Baby, shimmy, y'all.
Shimmy, shimmy, y'all.
Shimmy, y'all.
Give me the mic so I can take it away.
Off on a natural charge, bon voyage.
Yeah, from the home of the Dodger, Brooklyn squad.
Old dirty bastard.
I was just listening to him earlier today on Stern.
An interview from two, from '96.
And, uh, God.
It's so funny.
It's funny, because people hear that album and they go, oh, he's doing like a dumb thing.
It's like a sloppy, drunk, clueless guy character.
Which is what the Brits did with the Ramones.
They go, oh, I get it.
You're saying that anyone can play an instrument.
You're doing this working class.
It's empowering.
It's a working class type of music.
And you're pretending to be a bunch of dumb Goombas from Queens.
No.
No one's pretending.
The Ramones are the retards.
And old dirty bastard.
There's no irony there.
I met him once.
He told me he got his, he changed his name from Old Dirty Bastard to Baby Jesus.
Um, and he got that name.
I said, where'd you get to come up with Baby Jesus?
And he goes, Oh, uh, Wonder Woman gave it to me on Batman Island.
Your brain's garbage, dude.
Um, did you print out the sponsors?
No, but I can.
Please do.
So we have a new thing we're doing apparently.
This might be a common thing, but I'm gonna do a very short show today.
We'll take some calls, not for long.
But I did a show with Anthony Cumia of Opie & Anthony.
Opie wasn't available, unfortunately.
We tried and then we talked to various agents and they said, would you be happy with his sidekick Anthony Cumia?
And we said, no.
We obviously want the Obster.
We want the Eye of the Storm.
We want the main guy.
We want Batman of Batman Island.
We don't want Robin.
But they go, Opie's very busy, he's talking to Joe Rogan, and he's got his new podcast called, Me on the Beach on Instagram.
Where he just points, I think Opie points his camera at the beach to say, I live in expensive real estate.
He probably has a three million dollar home, and that's the only thing of value he has left, so it's like a old dude showing you his 57 Chevy.
It's embarrassing.
Anyway, we ended up with, With Anthony Cumia.
Dude, I gotta say, when we came up with the concept, when I said, why don't I go there and we'll make it free on your site and free on my site, everyone can hear it.
I thought, that'll be fun and it could only do good, cross-pollination, right?
Maybe he gets some of our subs and we get some of his subs and there's more people watching our shows, right?
The more the merrier.
But I'm sitting next to him and I'm like, wait a minute.
He's the host.
I'm in the passenger seat.
He's running the show.
He might be taking our subs.
I kind of had this brief moment of like, I take my straw and I drink your milkshake.
Like it says Anthony Cumia everywhere.
And he's better than me.
You need to come up with some graphics.
You know, I don't know about that.
I think he respects you in the same way that you respect him.
But dude, if I do another show, like Josh Denny.
I love Josh Denny.
If I do Josh Denny's show, or Chrissy Mayer's show, or Sherrod Small's show, or Talib Stark's, I'm just hanging out with the guy shooting the shit, talking about tits.
I'm only halfway there.
Like my, both my feet are not in.
Cause it's, I'm repeating things I've said a million times and stuff like that.
But with Anthony, like, you have to be, Head to head with him on what he's talking about and then be thinking of your next point.
And your next point better be outside the box.
It can't be like, well lots of people are like that and some are like this and some are like that and the answer is somewhere in between.
You can't have a derivative thought like that.
You have to come up with original shit like, if black on Asian crime is not on the rise, crime is on the rise.
And Asians tend to be victims and blacks tend to be criminals.
That disproportionately, I'm saying.
Relax, calm down.
Don't bring this up in a court of law.
And that's what I just described there.
That's 20 seconds of content.
This is an hour and a half.
So we're going to have that on the side.
I want to call it compound censored if it becomes a regular thing.
But I only have so much chi in me.
So if I'm doing an hour and a half show, then I'm not doing another two fucking hours here.
Especially because does anyone like these calls?
Is anyone really going, oh good, it's the call-in show.
But I guess this will be the podcast.
Right?
We'll still make this the free podcast.
Can we hand me those papers?
And Ryan, number one rule of printing, never print color.
You fucking boob.
That's kind of racist, but sure.
Always switch to grayscale.
Whitescale.
And ad guy, don't add little cartoons to the ad reads.
Microsoft Clipart?
This cost me printers ink.
I'm so cheap that when I see Infowars and I see his he's got like 900 papers out there and I can see he's printing in full color I go ah.
Even with Anthony I can tell that he's printing from the actual article.
I'm like just print the link.
It's all so expensive.
Our sponsor still... I'm never going to financially recover from this.
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True.
It's not hot outside.
Why is it so hot?
Is it these lights?
Maybe.
What are you doing now?
That makes zero difference, dude.
Yes, zero difference.
Why don't you try that?
You can walk by the window.
Anyway, Tactical Walls is cool.
I had this cop at my, Jimmy's like, you know what you gotta do?
You know the bucket by your front door there with your umbrellas and all that kind of stuff?
He goes, what you wanna do is you got a shotgun in there.
Right by the front door.
You know, lower down, saw it off so it's low, you don't see it.
But that way that's right by your door.
I'm like, that's the worst advice I've ever heard.
Cops often give bad advice, I've noticed.
And no, I'm not leaving a shotgun, a loaded shotgun, right by my door where my kids pass 1,000 times a day.
Not gonna do it.
All right, let's jump right into the calls.
We've already given them.
When are you gonna put up the compound censored?
It'll be up after this.
I'm gonna have them put on the stream, but it's gonna be a little... What?
It'll be up right after the show.
When is that?
When are we gonna end the show?
I don't know, let's say... 10 o'clock-ish?
10 at the latest, probably before that.
Alright.
So does it take long to upload?
This is about, what is it, an hour?
Hour and a half?
Yeah.
Yeah, it'll take about 40 minutes or so.
What is this?
What are you doing over there?
What is that?
I don't know, I've never seen that before.
What does it say?
It says keychain.
Login keychain.
Yeah, just use the thing you... I had that once actually.
This is... It kept asking me for the same shit again and again and again.
We gotta get new computers.
Or as my daughter said when she was four, new Mcputers.
I notice when you talk about your kids, to people without kids, you see them sort of go...
Like let's get through this.
It's like dog owners and their dogs.
Like today on the show, I was talking about kids and how, you know, I worry about my daughter dating some guy named Blair, whatever his name was, the black guy who beat the shit out of that Asian woman.
Um, and you can see in non-kid people's eyes when you say, if it was my son, I would, and you see them go, but you know what?
I don't blame them because I don't really talk about my kids that much.
When I do, it's an amazing story.
But then there's these people who have, they usually had a shitty life and they finally have a kid and they can't believe how great it is and they won't shut up about their cool kid.
It's tedious.
Like this other dude at my gym was like, yeah, me and Kevin are going to see who can get a six pack first.
That's his son.
Okay.
You and your son have a competition going for six packs.
That's great.
Great.
Or you know who's really bad about that?
Who's a great guy?
Is it Bob Levy?
Yeah.
Bob Levy has a 14 year old son and he's like, yeah, he likes metal and he plays the bass and we went to see Iron Maiden.
I don't fucking care.
Do you think that's cool?
That your son plays the bass and likes metal?
Medals for 14-year-olds.
Hello, you've got a bass.
It's not impressive.
Now, that's how guys talk to one another.
Calls are ready.
Steve is on the line.
Hi, Steven.
Uhuru.
Uhuru.
Hey, Gavin.
For a guy on a budget, what alternate whiskey would you prefer, other than Maker's Mark, which is the standard?
Um, that's a good question.
So, Woodford Reserve is super pricey.
All the good ones, Buffalo, whatever it's called, is pricey.
Bullitt is pricey.
I mean, bourbon's pricey.
I don't really like Turkey's Nest or any of the cheaper bourbons.
I'd hate Jack Daniel's.
Um, I don't know.
You know what I kind of like just to do a shot, a little wake-up shot, is a fireball.
But you don't really want to... How do you feel about Wild Turkey?
Pardon me?
How do you feel about Wild Turkey?
I just said I'm not a fan.
I don't know why though.
It could be I'm just brainwashed by the marketing and everything and I actually my dad made me do a taste test and I wasn't able to tell the difference.
All right, proud of your boy, thank you.
Proud of your boy, bye.
But the fucker tricked me.
He did two glasses with 50% wild turkey and 50% Makers.
So I tasted one and I was like, that's my Makers, that's delicious.
And I tasted the other one and I was like, oh gross, turkey's nasty or whatever.
Wild turkey.
Was it turkey's nasty or wild turkey?
Wild turkey.
What about Seagram's 7?
Or Seagram's Canadian whiskey?
I never tried it, but I remember- Pretty good.
I think I tried Canadian Club recently, and I was like, this is a lot like Maker's Mark.
Or Crown Royal.
What is Crown Royal?
I don't fucking know.
That's just, that's such my parents' drink.
Like, when you're a kid in the 70s, that little plush bag it comes in is the coolest thing in the world.
And all the kids at my school, they'd hold their marbles in it.
Right.
It's whiskey.
Royal Canadian Whiskey.
Yeah, it's good.
You know what else?
Oh, I got an answer for you, sir.
Fucking Tullamore Dew.
With a how'd you do and a Tullamore Dew.
Tullamore Dew's awesome.
If there's no Maker's Mark and we're doing shots, I'd way rather have a Tullamore Dew than a Jameson.
And, Lent is coming to a close, my friends.
I think I might just sit in the bathtub and just drink an entire bottle and piss and shit and barf myself.
That's gross.
Wine, That I Love You.
Okay.
That's what it says.
904, you're on the line.
You don't have to read the intros.
Hello?
Hi!
Hi, Avin, it's Arie.
How are you?
Oh, hi, Arie.
How are you?
Hey, good, good.
Hey, I had a question.
If you're moving, is Ryan going to move with you?
Yes.
Yes.
Okay, good.
And then, Ryan, when you call in, it's also Spring Beach TV.
You might want to update that.
Okay.
I will try and do.
All right, love you guys, bye!
Love you too, bye!
That's the woman who puts up our notes, the show notes on GavinMcInnes.win.
But what's going on now?
It says welcome to FreeSpeech.tv?
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
That's the first I've been... I never call into the show while I'm doing the show, so it's hard to know something like that.
This pocket square is starting to look like a used surgical glove.
9-1-7 on the line.
This is actually your pocket score, by the way.
Oh.
Or is it?
Ah.
It looks like it.
What's up, dude?
Steven?
Alright.
Hello?
Hello?
Uh, hi!
Hi!
Hey, uh... Alright, fuck, I fucked up.
Um... Hey, Gavin, I was hoping I could get some advice on how to pick up a lady.
Okay.
That's it?
You just want me to dive right into it?
So I do this gay trivia thing on Thursdays and there's a bartender that works there.
She's really cute.
I think she's Filipina.
She has a really big ass and tits.
That's great.
They're the Italians of the Orient.
What?
I said they're the Italians of the Orient.
Oh yeah, definitely.
But I have this, like, I don't know.
I'm sure you have experience with doing this, but I don't know.
It's always hard for me to, like, initiate a conversation with a bartender because I don't know if she's flirting or to get a tip or she's, you know, genuinely interested.
How do I go about trying to, like, circumvent that to, like, see if she's interested?
Well, the most common trick guys use is, I had a dream about you last night, it was weird, we were making out, and then we both fell out of a plane, and we didn't have parachutes, and you go off on a tangent, and you see if when you said we were making out, if she goes... Or if she goes...
That's one good test or another thing I like to do and again I haven't been single in a long time but this was my go-to I'd be telling a story and your stories can be lies by the way telling some crazy story and I go so we get in there and then we yeah Sorry, you're so pretty that it's distracting me and I'm forgetting where I am with the story.
Hold on a second.
And then you put your hand over her face and you go, so we get in there and there's like 10 people there and no one knows why the fuck the door was locked, but they're running and you hide her face.
During the story.
Or another one I did there was this barmaid who had insane cleavage and I would I would hold up like a piece of paper or something over her tits so I was like sorry I can't stop staring okay so anyway we got there on Friday and then and then she giggles because you're like acknowledging that you're attracted to her but you're also saying this isn't a deal-breaker we can still be friends.
Also, you know, get fired.
Get in trouble.
Like, hit on girls.
I can't tell you how many girls that I finally made the move on and they're like, what took you so long?
Actually, that's not true.
That's only happened once.
But a lot of women will be frustrated at guys for not making the move.
Just come out of the corner swinging.
Another one is like, God, you are so hot.
Wait, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Oh no, I was gonna make a joke.
I thought you were dumb, but go ahead.
Just talk about how beautiful they are, and like, what is with your hair?
Like, it's so... What's the word?
Flaxen?
Like, what are you... Do you shampoo with, like, the dead of sacrificed virgins or something?
I can't get over how hot you are.
It's hurting me.
It hurts me.
Okay, so just be super flattering.
Yeah, and then you don't have to worry about the friend zone.
Anyway, thanks for calling.
We're getting a delay with a lot of these calls where I say something and it takes them a minute.
Yeah, a lot of background noise, too.
Well, that's different.
Brent?
Hello?
Hey.
Hey, Gavin, Ryan, how's it going?
Good.
Gavin, you're Scottish, right?
And you've got a son, and he's going to be He's growing up, I'm sure, and you guys are going to have to have activities to, you know, compete against each other with.
What's your deal against golf?
Why don't you like golf?
You never talk about golf.
Really?
I love golf.
I play golf all the time.
We can't play it in the winter, and I'm not a member of a club, but my littlest boy, I have two boys, a 12-year-old and an 8-year-old, and the 8-year-old has a little mini set of clubs, and we go to the driving range all the time.
I pay for lessons for him to get it.
He keeps going to the left, and we've never played a game together, but we go to the driving range on a regular basis when it's a warm-out, at least once a week.
Alright, I didn't know that.
I figured, you know, I hear you talking about golf boxing and everything, but yeah, that's cool.
Dude, have you not seen my Budweiser bag?
My insanely beautiful red leather Budweiser bag?
What's that?
We spent, like, an entire episode on my golf bag.
It's this beautiful red leather Budweiser bag.
Oh, that's sick.
I know, I must have missed that episode.
That's pretty cool.
Alright, well, when you move south, you know, you might be able to enjoy more year-round golf.
Yeah, the problem is I don't Google very well, but I might be able to join a course if I use my wife's name or something.
Where are you?
I go to school in Mobile, Alabama, so it's pretty warm here all year long.
And my school, Spring Hill, it fits on a golf course, so I'm able to play a lot.
Oh, that's awesome.
Although, it must be a fucking oven there six months a year.
Yeah, it's pretty brutal, like August, September.
It's actually really nice this time of year, though.
Also, I have one more thing, if you don't mind.
Some of my favorite artists, I feel like you don't talk about them too much, but like, I know it's kind of like cliche, they're really popular and everything, but do you like Pink Floyd?
I don't know, I just feel...
They're a pretty good group that I don't hear you talk much about.
What's like, is there like a punk?
I saw there was like a punk group that wore a shirt that said like, fuck Pink Floyd.
This was back in like the 80s maybe.
Yeah, this is Johnny Rotten from the Sex Pistols wore a shirt that said, I hate Pink Floyd.
Anyway, thanks for calling.
That's great.
Play golf.
So that guy's two cents are play golf and listen to Pink Floyd.
I hate Pink Floyd.
Not unlike, oh, that's Steve Jones.
And no, that's Paul Cook, sorry, the drummer.
And yes, I'm familiar with one of the most popular rock acts in history.
I thought he was going to say because like the lyrics.
Do you like the Rolling Stones?
You should check them out.
I thought he was going to say because the lyrics have a lot to do with what's going on or something.
Something?
No, just I like Pink Floyd.
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Hell yeah.
Next we got Mary on the line.
Oh no, Angelo.
Angela?
Hello, can you hear me?
Hey man.
What's going on man?
It's honestly fucking awesome to talk to you right now.
Just want to say that first and foremost.
Um, but I just, I wanted to ask really quick.
I originally had a question about the video you did on the David Cross shit.
Uh, but actually I wanted to ask cause I, I'm a history major and, uh, I heard you said you're an English major and just wanted to know what, what, how did you make your way with like a pointless major like that?
Cause I don't, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.
Yeah, it was a total waste of time.
It was a stupid move.
History makes you an interesting guy at pubs when everyone's talking about the difference between Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun.
Otherwise, it's a totally useless degree.
And it gets more useless as information becomes more and more available.
So I would recommend you just drop out and save your money right now.
What is the difference between Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun?
You're asking me right now?
Yeah.
Shit, man.
I can't tell.
I'm kind of a little, like, shell-shocked right now being on air.
So, I don't know.
No, no, that shouldn't affect it.
Who was Attila the Hun?
The Hun?
I can't hear you.
Have you never heard of Attila the Hun?
Matilda the Hun?
Okay, go to college.
Wow.
Matilda the Hunt.
Matilda the Cunt.
She was just really mean.
I can't hear on the fucking phone, bro.
It sounds like shit, I'm going to be honest.
I can't hear anything.
Oh, really?
Are you hearing it through a different mic?
Do I sound really quiet?
No, no, no, you sound fine.
It's just like the phone call compared to me listening to on the app or fucking on the website.
Okay, well stop listening to the show outside of the phone call.
Who is Attila the Hun?
I'm sorry, I don't, I don't know.
I'm not gonna look it up and lie to you and say that I know.
Alright, well thanks for calling.
Apparently you're not the only one who's had this problem.
What does it say on this?
There's a whole damn article about it.
Tell the Hun, Genghis Khan, those names stirred fear nearly worldwide a hundred years ago, and even today their names are synonymous.
So, Tell of the Hun is from 406... How weird that there was a year four?
What year is it?
It's 406.
How about the year three?
What year is it?
It's three...
You know, March 3rd, 3.
When were you born?
October 14th, 7.
Yep.
The 7th year in the world?
Yep.
When were you born?
I was born July 13th, 100.
That would be a cool year.
I think the coolest birthday would be January 13, 100.
No.
11313.
The year 13.
Born under a bad sign.
So Attila the Hun was 406 and then what was Genghis Khan?
So keep going down.
Yeah, yeah, keep going.
Around 1162.
Okay.
He was born around 1162, way later.
Okay.
Genghis Khan's the one where like a third of Asia can be traced to his DNA.
Right.
He was the guy who would fuck everyone, and that's how he would dominate you, just by Polluting the gene pool.
So you don't want to kill Khans, because your son is half-Khan.
Khan fought to conquer, not to raid.
The Huns would just raid, for the most part.
Ah, okay.
So one was more of a jerk.
Yeah, oh, total jerk.
And they're both in Asia.
Well, Hungary.
Till the Hun.
What is now Hungary.
Right.
So that was Europe.
And then Genghis Khan was just Asia?
Yeah, he's with Chinese, isn't he?
Oh no, Mongolia.
Okay.
Northern China, sure.
Temujin.
Got it.
So one was Europe and one was Asia.
That's the correct answer.
And they're about 1,200 years apart.
All right, next call.
Okay.
Okay, James.
Hey, Gavin and Mayor of the Red Zone.
Gavin?
This question's for you.
I just wanted to... It seems like in 2021, above any other year, that we have a lot of weak males in the world, and guys can curl into a fetal position from one single tweet or a Facebook post.
Just from listening to your show, I hear you catch it from both sides.
You're in the news.
Last week, I believe, there was a white supremacist that was calling you out for not being enough of a, I don't know, basically a white supremacist.
Being a Zionist who cucks for the shekels for the Jews.
Right.
That dude was pissing me off.
But anyway, I guess my question is twofold.
One, how do you not let it bother you?
Because you seem like you just Keep moving forward.
And number two is, do you ever have a moment of weakness where it does occasionally bother you?
Yeah, I have a moment of weakness.
If I drink too much and I wake up at four in the morning with the night terrors, I start worrying about, like, my children's reputation.
And will they get into a college after they Google me?
After the college Googles me?
My daughter's already been rejected from a private school because she was my daughter.
Holy Child is the name of the school, ironically.
But you just gotta keep going.
I mean, if you lie down and cry and beg for help and say you won, you don't win anything.
It's not like people go, okay, you finally gave in, you're free to go.
They just keep torturing you.
So it's sort of like when you, you know, someone's beating the shit out of you and you look up and say, why are you hitting me?
I didn't do anything to you.
They're not going to go, oh shit, that's a wake up call.
I'm going to stop beating you.
No, they're going to beat you more.
So as far as Continuing to fight.
You have to.
There's no other option.
You have to just keep fucking plugging away.
And then as far as like surviving it mentally, I can't say enough about boxing.
Punching other men.
Punching the heavy bags every morning.
It just sort of realigns you.
And then you walk differently down the street.
You sort of walk differently and you're like, you're alright?
You got a problem?
Who has a problem here?
Like today on the train, there was this black bum, and you say that men are weaker now.
People are weaker.
So this black dude was there and she said, do you have your ticket?
And he's got writing all over his shirt.
He's a lunatic.
And he goes, no.
And she goes, do you have ID?
And he goes, no.
She goes, all right, well, I'm calling the police.
And he goes, fuck you, bitch.
The train was stopped for 40 minutes as the police, sorry, 25 minutes as the police show up.
They come with like nine guys and girls, like a whole army comes to get this.
He had a white beard and a white afro.
I mean, just grab him and throw him off the train.
Easy peasy!
The whole entire train was held back 20 minutes because we all, we call the police, we're so weak, we have to overcompensate for everything, we have to cross our t's and dot our i's, and it's just, it's just a sign of a dying society when we don't have men to handle it.
Thanks for calling.
I walked up there and just watched the whole thing unfold.
And then, of course it's only the women that are brave, and as he was leaving, this woman claps and she goes, she goes, thank you, have a nice day!
And then you know what he yelled when he got off the train?
What?
He goes, you're not dummies, you're yummies!
That's what you all are, you're yummies!
Because they're tasty treats.
What?
Right?
Yummy.
I eat you for breakfast.
Why are they tasty treats?
You taste good.
Cause like I eat niggas like you for breakfast.
You're yummy.
That's a real stretch.
Do you know what it is?
I never heard the term yummies of you.
It's like some rap shit.
No it's not.
Skeet skeet, yummy.
Do you know what yeet yeet is?
Yeah.
Okay, do you know what skeet is?
I've heard my kids say it.
Okay.
Have you heard yummies before?
No, but that's just a new thing we'll learn about in two years.
As white people.
Yeah.
Alright, next call.
Street topic, fight.
Sir?
Yes?
Hello?
Hello motherfucker, how are you doing today?
We're doing pretty good, buddy.
We're trying to rock and roll and keep it groovy, you know what I'm saying, fucker?
Oh my god, oh my god.
My question is, uh, street fight.
If you're going one-on-one with somebody, what's the first punch you're throwing?
The overhand right or a sneaky left hook?
Thank you so much for your time.
Proud of your boy.
Okay, bye.
I would go... We were just talking about this.
I wouldn't do a big haymaker, like you see in all street fight videos.
I would try to keep my arms relatively close.
I'd rotate my hips, and I would lie.
I'd be like, no, look, this is a huge, and as I'm like, huge misunderstanding, I'm getting my positioning to throw my right cross, I guess.
I don't really believe in right hooks.
And then, with all of the 100% I had to give, I would go vrabish, and go right here, right on the button.
And hope to knock him out, or at least get him disoriented, so then I could lay a bunch of other punches.
But, uh, it's funny, when you watch street fights, they always seem to be a haymaker.
That always seems to be the move, and they're effective!
It's just in boxing, that's the dumbest thing you can do, because you're so open.
But I would have to go with my training, and that would be a tight fucking KABOOSH!
An overhand right is more like in the middle of the fight.
When things are cooking, then I would do a bunch of body ones and then do my text.
It's not, I say it's like my textbook move.
It's my only move.
I can't seem to get any traction outside of that particular punch.
It's frustrating.
Jason.
Turn off the show, please, sir.
Jason.
Jason.
Sir Jaysalot.
7... 720 your number is, sir.
Jason!
By the way, yummies could be a gay term for physically attractive young men.
The male genitals.
Yeah, that's not what he meant when he was yelling it at the train.
Alright, that's enough of him.
Sam next.
He's gonna hear that.
Good whiskey.
Gabby, Rye Guy, what's going on?
Yo, dude.
I'm more of like a PBR kind of guy.
Me too.
I like to crush PBRs when I'm watching the show.
Oh, I love it.
A little cheaper.
Yep, it's great.
So, good whiskeys if you're balling on a budget.
Rittenhouse Rye, Hunter Proof.
Shit's cheap as fucking bottled and bombed.
And Elijah Craig.
Oh, Elijah Craig.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah, I love that show.
Elijah Craig, 94th Street.
And Gavin, you're trying to find a place to live?
Check out Carmel, Indiana.
It's been ranked the number one place to live by, I don't know, some fucking magazine.
How do I spell the name?
Carmel, Indiana.
C-A-R-M-E-L, Indiana.
Okay.
I'll check it out.
Super nice town.
Tons of money.
Great, great schools.
I'm talking, like, all-star schools.
Great for academics.
Great for sports.
Tons of shit to do in Indianapolis.
I'm gonna check out West Virginia this weekend.
Hell yeah.
Fuckin' love West Virginia, dude.
Alright.
So, hey, in the fight, I'ma agree with your boxing.
I picked up boxing.
Became a USA amateur boxer.
You did?
But I got my ass kicked in my fucking first fight.
Why?
Nothing more humbling.
This guy was huge.
It was amateur, so it was my first ever fight, and he came over, he threw an overhand right first punch and got, and collapsed me, and I never really regained my full balance from that point on, and it was... I got my ass kicked.
Where did the overhand right land?
It was boxing, man.
You gotta get that aggression out.
Yeah, it's really healthy.
It's Irish therapy.
But where did that overhand right land?
They landed on my left temple.
Ooh, yeah.
That's gonna fuck up.
Yeah, he threw it perfect.
And you know, I was like so amped up because my first amateur fight was in a bar in front of like a thousand people.
So I'm like kind of just like locked and loaded ready to go and I wasn't I wasn't on my toes.
So he threw that punch and I just was stuck in place and it landed hard as fuck.
And I was like, damn!
That's probably the hardest I've ever been punched in my life.
And it was on from there.
Yeah.
See, that's what's so fun about the sport, too, is it's such a roll of the dice.
I love that about baseball.
Like, you watch football and basketball and you kind of know where this game is headed.
But baseball and boxing, it can just go 90 degrees.
That's all it fucking takes is that one punch, man.
The sweet science and the beautiful fucking thing.
It sure is.
Alright, thanks for calling, buddy.
Hell yeah.
That's what happened to member Deontay Wilder.
He got that one super punch that sucked his eardrum out of his ear, and he couldn't stand properly after that.
I wonder how he's doing now.
Danny, would you rather?
This better not involve my family.
Or poop.
Wazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's no way I'm answering that question.
What?
No.
Alright, let's talk about your unborn kid.
How about your next kid, Gavin?
What would you like your next kid to be?
Oh, I see what you're saying.
I'm happy to do that.
I think I might go fag.
You could just use a little, I need a little fag in the family.
I lean that way too, Gav, to be honest.
My first instinct, of course, is to say, well, I wouldn't let her, I wouldn't let her have an OnlyFans account.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you don't allow an OnlyFans account, but if she's made to be a whore, she's gonna be off, you can't follow her 24 hours a day, so she's gonna be off sucking dicks in an alleyway somewhere.
I knew a girl like that recently who actually died, and she was like, I need to get fucked once a day, no matter what, and she was sucking off old dudes, and she was just a dirty, dirty girl.
And there's nothing her parents could have ever done about it.
So, you're not going to have a family with her.
You're not going to have grandkids.
So, at least with a fag, he might be like Chadwick Moore.
Where he's just a normal homo.
And you might even have kids with Viadops!
I think you might be better off!
I'm going to go with the fag.
I'm going to go with the fag.
Alright, thanks for calling.
Thanks, Cap.
Pest control.
It's about time.
Hey, what's up, guys?
Hey, man.
My name's... Hey.
And I tell you disrespect pest control in the past.
Yes.
I was wondering what the beef is wrong with me trying to take care of my family.
Well, if you work in pest control, I think that's great, and I want you to take care of your family.
I just think 90% of it is just bullshit, made-up stuff with little sprays and little cans.
The only way you can deal with pests is to take away their food.
Okay, maybe if you're talking about like a couple cockroaches, but what about subterranean termites?
Oh.
Or bed bugs.
Yeah sure I guess that's different.
My experience as a New Yorker is roaches and rats and every time I've seen and mice and every time I've seen pest control try to handle those it's just a bunch of bullshit and made up bills and fucking caulking like some weird sort of a stuff on the hinges of the cupboards what?
Yeah it's a date for German cockroaches.
They what?
German cockroaches.
It's a bait for German cockroaches so they would eat that and then they would like vomit and give it to the other ones and pass it around and they would all freaking die.
It's the only way to do it because there's so many German cockroaches in your walls that you don't see.
It's almost like an iceberg or if you see like five there's actually like 25.
Right.
German cockroaches, they'll kind of colonize and live up in the walls and you can't, it's even hard to spray or even fumigate to get rid of them all.
So why was that guy putting that weird sort of a cream or whatever on the hinges of a cupboard of all places?
Because they like to hide in there, it's always dark and fingers, like little kids' fingers don't go up in those little hinges very well.
So it's a safe spot to put a poison.
Oh, that's pretty good.
I don't know, I've been ripped off a bunch, but I'm not an expert.
I don't want to disparage your profession.
Alright, well you should move to St.
Augustine, Florida if you want to move south.
Too hot!
I highly recommend it.
Too hot.
Well, I mean, you actually get a season though, you know?
You get a season.
What is it, 90 degrees there today?
Oh man, it'll get up to like 106 during the summer for a couple months.
What was it today?
I don't know, I'm in Key West now and it's always hot.
Today it was like 90 or 85 in Key West.
Oy vey.
Like, I think 60 is warm.
Alright, thanks for calling.
Ryan, stop working on shit when we're doing a show because it's coming through the speakers.
Tony.
Tony?
Hello?
Hello?
Hey boys, how's it going?
Good, how you doing?
Good.
Good, good.
So I have a bit of a story I've actually been putting off telling you guys.
It was mostly for advice and I realized that now what your advice is probably going to be, but regardless, COVID dating, trying all the apps out.
Um, I ended up meeting this one girl.
She was, ended up being 19.
I'm 26 and Slowly but surely found out that she has a sugar baby past.
Now, regardless of what any girl tells you, to anyone listening to this, it's very dark.
Very dark.
And so my question to you is, do you ever think it is possible to date one of these girls and it be normal?
Or do you avoid them like radiation?
So she's a sugar baby.
Dating 50 year old men.
So the day after we broke up, my sister's in town, we broke up at a huge tech, I'm in tech, and we broke up at this huge tech investor dinner.
And this huge scene, she shows up literally dressed like a hooker.
I mean it, like g-string only covering her butthole, like sheer black pants that you can see through.
And, and said, Oh, look, you can see my ass.
And I'm like, holy shit.
And all these old dudes are drooling.
I'm like, Oh my God, I'm just thinking about you, like low and old dudes.
And so I flipped out and I was like, Oh, you're a slut.
You're a sugar baby.
Almost got in a fight with an old dude.
Left.
And then the next day my sister's at a party, she was in town, and she runs into her with another guy who's about 55, bald, the one hair he had was great, and making out, and I haven't talked to her since.
Yeah, that's a no-no.
And like, if it happened once or twice before you met her, maybe you could argue that that's okay, but if she's regularly sucking off old bald dudes in exchange for money or gifts, you're dating a prostitute.
That's not good.
Right, right.
And it's so funny- This is not a tough question.
It's truly sugarcoating prostitution because they swear and they tell you, I've been seeing this person for six months and I should have thought something was sketchy when she insisted having her location sharing on.
She didn't need mine, but she wanted to prove she was so transparent about everything.
But then, she was like, you know, I'm so transparent, I'll give you the passcode to my phone.
And I was like, oh shit, you shouldn't do that.
Because my curiosity got the best of me, and one night, I go through the phone, I find everything from like, some Epstein-ass shit, her getting flown out by these people to BVI, British Virgin Islands.
I see shit about like, throat gonorrhea, and I was like, okay, I'm, um, I'm out.
Wait, what do you mean the Epstein shit?
She's getting flown to these islands?
Yeah, so literally like two months before I met this person.
She's honest.
Oh, I see all these texts between her, a group of about six girls around her age, and then these 40-year-old guys.
Four?
And they finally come out private to British Virgin Islands for like 12 days, and we're just on boats and in villas, and there was fucking orgies and you hear that shit going on there.
You're cool.
That's disturbing.
And you know what's most disturbing about this?
Is that there's no shame in her game.
Only Fans is the same thing.
It's prostitution and they're not ashamed.
They're like, I get mine.
You know, I'm in control.
I'm running my own business.
I'm a sex worker.
No, you're not.
You're a fucking whore.
You know, OnlyFans is actually more respectable because it's out in the open and they're owning it.
These girls, they make a hobby out of lying.
So if she knew, you know, I come from a Catholic background, none of that would ever be okay for me.
So her explanation of it was, oh, I would finesse 50 year old men across the table for, they'd pay me 300 bucks for dinner and that would be the end of it.
And our rule was don't fuck them.
Don't fuck them.
She told me Low average for someone who is under 20 today, but it ended up being like fucking 30 Yeah, that's disgusting.
Yeah, you got a dumper and run Yeah, I'm running I ran for the hills and I've seen the light but the most crazy thing is I can't help her bring it up on my next dates and my question to these girls is what percentage of women under You're in Miami.
It's probably a disproportionately high percentage in Miami.
I'm gonna go with 40%.
or I'd like you guys to guess.
Ryan?
In major cities.
I live in Miami.
You're in Miami.
It's probably a disproportionately high percentage in Miami.
I'm going to go with 40%.
Ryan?
I'm going to go 12%.
Wow, so...
See, Ryan's definitely a hopeless romantic.
Gavin, that's the answer I've been getting all the time from the women here.
They say 40 to 50 percent.
The guys here that I'm good friends with in the real estate world who actually use these services think it's more like 30.
But regardless, one in three or half are that.
That is shocking.
Alright, thanks for calling, buddy.
That was a hair-whitening call.
Did you notice, by the way, on that call, he made us his bitch?
Yeah, he just talked us right through.
He's like, Ryan, it's your turn to answer, bitch.
Yeah, he audio booked us.
Whose show is this?
His.
He fucking reigned it in here.
He had us running like little lap dogs.
Answering questions.
Can I say my number yet?
40%, that's what you got, bitch.
All right, Ryan, you say your percentage now, faggot.
And I was a hopeless romantic.
I'm nervous.
Can I do this later?
I got a pat on the head.
Yeah, you're a hopeless romantic.
You're a dumb.
That's real cute, but here's the actual info.
Yeah, you dumb bitch.
That's how I, that was my fear today with Anthony.
I'm like, is this the Gavin Gav Show?
Is this like two buddies or is, am I like, and then I felt my chair, my chair, am I paranoid?
My chair seemed a little lower than his.
That is paranoid.
Yes.
That's what you're experiencing.
Let's pull it up.
Okay.
That is what you were experiencing.
Paranoia.
Yeah because I just took it as these are two broadcasters who want to mix it up a little bit.
That's the truth.
Right.
Look at that!
Come on!
He's slightly taller than me.
He looks like a different species.
He's gargantuan up there.
I look like a preemie who came out of his pussy like an hour ago.
Came out of his pussy?
Yeah.
Okay, he birthed you.
Yeah.
Doesn't he look like my mommy?
Look how much bigger he is!
I'm not a small person.
I'm 5'10 and a half.
I'm in pretty good shape.
Is he on TRT or something?
I don't know, but his hands look bigger than my head.
Okay, look at the seat backs.
Okay, his is definitely taller than yours.
That's a fact.
So I'm not paranoid.
No.
His seat is further up than yours.
I should ask next week, I'm already being a bitch now and having demands, but I should ask that we change the picture on the TV.
You need new graphics.
Yeah.
To compound censored.
You know it'd be cool if it was like half his, like torn in the middle, half yours.
Oh I already had an idea for the graphic.
It's a shot dead on of me and a shot dead on of him and it says compound censored.
Is across his eyes, and then censored is across my mouth.
Nope.
Or maybe... Maybe, no, both our mouths are covered.
With each other's mouths.
Compound is on his mouth and censored is on my mouth.
And you're both naked?
Yeah, jerking off on each other.
Okay, that part is pretty cool, but everything else could be changed.
Now that's how guys talk to one another.
Let's see, we got Bruce Cheese.
I doubt that's accurate.
Have you noticed it's never the name that you read out?
Oh, Jesse Ventura.
I'm off the grid.
Hey dude.
- Yep. - Hey listen, Ryan's wrong.
You shouldn't be carrying your Cheez-Its around on a napkin.
The best way to carry them around in a little portion is to use coffee filters.
I've done that before.
They don't spill over the edge.
Yep.
I've done that with my biscottis because they're so crumbly.
You've eaten a biscotti on a coffee filter?
Absolutely.
It's a little plate.
You don't want to use a plate.
Why don't you want to use a plate?
Because.
Yes?
It's a paper bowl.
It's a little paper bowl.
How about a bowl?
How about a paper?
How about a fucking plate?
No.
Why not?
For two little biscotti?
Yeah.
See the thing about being a cook... Now you need to buy more coffee filters.
The thing about being a cook is plating and the proportion of the food to plate ratio is very important.
Something you learn.
So it's a small plate.
We have plates this big.
I don't... Well get some!
I will.
Seriously, I need- What about nuts?
You gotta put nuts in a little paper bowl, a coffee filter- No, paper bowl?
What's with this paper bowl?
Are we in a trailer?
The coffee filter guy rules.
Sir, I love you.
Sir, you're fired.
And by the way, get your ass to B&H Photo and get a friggin' TriCaster already.
What's your problem?
Yeah, we're looking into it.
You're right.
You gotta talk to- we have to talk to a dealer.
That is a valid criticism.
Alright, next call.
We're running out of time here.
I'm only- I'm gonna end it after 10 o'clock.
Hello?
Dominic.
Hey, what's up guys?
Hey man.
Hey, so Gavin, I just watched some documentary about you trying to join a biker gang in Oakland.
Yes.
A few years back.
Fantastic.
Best nickname ever.
Sissy Lala.
I love it.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
It wasn't Sissy Lala, was it?
It was Private Pyle.
No, the one they kept shouting after you got knocked out was Sissy La La.
So I actually called for one topic, but while I was on hold, somebody told a story.
Actually, you told a story about being on the train today and some guy harassing everybody and made me think of this really funny thing that happened.
Probably in the early 2000s.
And anyone that commuted from Brooklyn to Manhattan around, you know, 95 to probably like 2008 would be familiar with this guy.
This crazy guy kind of looked a little bit like Santa Claus, but would dress as a cowboy.
And this is in Brooklyn, New York, mid-90s.
He would get on the train and harass everybody.
He would zero in on one poor sap and just, you know, unleash on them, not physically, but verbally.
You know, he'd see a fat girl and just call her Fatty McFatty the whole day, you know, for the entire ride from Brooklyn to Manhattan.
The Honest Cowboy?
Nobody, you know, nobody ever ever challenged this guy.
So one day we're coming home, me and a buddy from work, from Manhattan into Brooklyn.
Where into Brooklyn?
On the train.
Where in Brooklyn?
In Bensonhurst.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So I live in the Bronx now, though.
So anyway, he zeroes in on this Asian-American guy, a really tiny little Asian guy, and he's doing the, you know, the typical, you know, the stereotypical type of abuse.
He's doing the ping-pong ping, the eye thing.
The little dick thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, eating cats to hold dogs.
Smells like cabbage.
So he's going on and on for a couple of stops and finally the Chinese guy, or the Asian guy, he just had enough.
He stood up and he started yelling at him like, come on, let's go.
You know, let's get off at the next stop.
I'll show you, I'll beat the shit out of you or whatever.
And like any bully, Once he was challenged, he kind of shrunk.
He wanted no part of it.
He gets all quiet.
But then, as we're pulling into the station, he starts doing the, I fought in the Korean War and this is my country and you need to go back to wherever you came from, blah, blah, blah.
Now, this is the funny part, at least I think so.
As the doors open on the N train, he jumps off of the train and it looked like When you would play the game Mario Brothers, that type of leaping thing.
Yeah, really?
And as he's jumping out, he goes, Sayonara!
So that's it.
I'm punching out.
Love you guys.
All right, see ya.
Wow.
Talk about going out on a good note.
I'm punching out.
Love you guys.
All right.
See you.
Wow.
Talking about going out on a good note.
Toodaloo, motherfuckers.
Wow.
Let's end the show now.
Short show, because we have our new show, Compound Censored, that'll be going up right now, basically.
In the interim, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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