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hanks beardvet.com promo code gavin 20 off all orders bubba and hanks.com promo code gavin 20 off all orders thank you for your service beard vet and bubbin hanks god bless our troops i should be wearing um the our military helmet right oh good idea it's veterans day yes by the way i was in a bar all day as you can tell by my inebriation he says as you can tell by my inebriation um and
um the family watches a war movie every veterans day a good one obviously and uh it was a little bit rich at the beginning with my seven-year-old wow that that uh storming the beach in normandy that was i think 4,000
dead that was not pretty but after that it gets pretty good I mean it's always good but it gets pretty palatable for a seven-year-old and I just I want the kids to know what these fuckers went through it was unfathomable it was unfathomable look at the way we talk about traffic or or gallstones like what these soldiers have been through,
and for what?
Someone said, We want you to support our country.
Okay, how are the decisions made?
Well, a lot of them are bad decisions.
All right.
Are they mostly good decisions?
Yeah.
They mostly declare American independence and are good for America.
Okay, well, I'll take the crunchy with the smooth.
I'll do the Obama with the Reagan, and I'll do them all.
I'll just take it on the chin for 10 presidents.
I might go to three out of ten shitty wars, but I'll do it because I love this country.
I mean, it goes military cops firemen, or maybe military fireman, cops.
But the rest of us, can we just like sit in awe, please?
Can we not scoff?
Can we not roll our eyes at people braver than us?
That's all I ask.
I don't ask you to serve in the military.
I know you don't have the balls.
I don't have the balls.
But the eye rolling is what bothers me.
The lack of reverence and the lack of attention today to Veterans Day.
Ryan, your dad was in Vietnam killing white people.
My dad was not.
What was he, the top gook in all of Vietnam?
I don't know if that is a position, but he was not present in the wars.
So your dad was Japanese.
First of all, your Vietnamese grandfather was out there killing white people.
And then your Japanese dad was, what did he do?
Bomb Pearl Harbor?
No, he was of the race of people that did bomb Pearl Harbor, but he did not.
He's alive, so he didn't kamakaze into the Pearl Harbor.
But my grandfather did serve on our side, America.
The Puerto Rican guy.
Yes.
In the Vietnam, in the Nam.
In the Nam.
Shit.
God, I was watching Saving Private Ryan tonight, and they're showing them Storm Normandy.
Storm Normandy.
Stormandy.
And I'm just like, can we not fucking have some planes?
Yeah, I know.
Like, I'm watching these men get deteriorated, fucking just full of holes.
I'm like, can a plane not come up?
What was the story there?
I think they were...
There's aerial battles all over the place, right?
There's a scene in the movie where Tom Hanks looks over.
I think it's at the pilots that could have been saving their lives.
And they're eating roast beef sandwiches.
Wow.
You know that everything in that movie came from, you know, real accounts.
You can just tell.
Except there's this one scene where this Jewish guy, he gets like a Nazi knife off of someone, and he starts going, mm-hmm.
And my understanding was we didn't really know what they were doing to the Jews until like post-end of war.
So like 1946, we went, what the fuck, the Holocaust?
And saw the pictures and the starving people, and we were disgusted and mortified, obviously, as one should be.
But as far as like, I'm going to go there to save the Jews, I don't think that's what it was about.
But you watch movies like Captain America and he's like, what's going on with the Jews?
Oh, they're being gassed in the future.
Okay, I'm going to go there and prevent that.
So there's a couple corny scenes like that.
But outside of that, what a fucking movie.
And no, I do not want any kind of recognition for watching it many times, including stoned and watching with my family.
Save your recognition for the actual vets.
Yes, I appreciate it.
And yes, you're welcome for my service.
I don't know how I feel about this particular genre of comedy.
I don't know how they'd feel.
It's a little shaky.
What I said to my grandfather today, because I think I'm every veterans today, but I shook it up this time.
I said, I just want to thank you for your strength and your courage and your bravery and your sacrifice.
He's like, thank you, Papy.
I was like, and that's just for dealing with me.
And he laughed very hard.
He wasn't.
Nice David Letterman after your joke.
So we have a great show for you tonight.
Apparently there was air support.
There was air support.
There were 26 squadrons of Typhoons on D-Day.
They provided support for the mission.
I think they were ordered to take out communications and communications and transport targets as a priority.
My grandfather strafed trains in a Spitfire.
Where were you in the movie I saw tonight?
Yeah, I don't know.
That does make sense, though, right?
Just bomb those bunkers.
They're right there.
They slayed, I think, 4,000 men.
Normandy overall, I think it was June, July, August.
I think it was three months.
And we lost 72,000 men.
Now, not we.
That's Canada, Britain, and America.
But that's still more than American soldiers lost in fucking all of Vietnam.
Vietnam was 60,000.
Omaha Beach.
What a nightmare.
Holy fuck.
And then we have 2020 when people talk about how they were made to feel uncomfortable in the workplace.
Someone ogled their buns.
Imagine these guys being told that you're going to live, but someone will ogle your buns in the workplace.
What a fucking pussy generation, huh?
Maybe we should call my dad.
Let's call dad, shall we?
He needs his own show.
A lot of people are big fans of dad.
I like calling him at this time of night because I know there's no way on God's green earth he could be sober.
My son's on the cover of a magazine.
Let's give him a ring.
Sounds promising.
The last ring sounded long.
Oh, now it's sounding bad.
There was a breakup and it went now.
It sounds good again.
No, now it sounds bad.
Hi, it's Floraine here.
Leave your name and number, and I'll call you back.
Thanks a lot.
Bye.
After leaving a message, you can hang up or press pound for more options.
Hey, mom.
Um, sorry to bother you.
This is not a big deal, but um.
We...
I think I miscarried.
I was running really, really fast, and I tripped, and I hit my belly on a stump.
And I...
I had a bowel movement that felt very sort of organic and not shit-related.
Anyway, this is not your problem.
I'm sorry, Cald.
I'm sorry, Cald.
So that might get her problem.
We don't know.
We don't know.
Is that something you do?
What do you mean?
Was that the kind of like first go-head for a joke like that where you fake cry and pretend you had a miscarriage?
I've never done that particular bit before, but.
Okay.
It's kind of fun.
I kind of want to call my brother.
My dad will do that to my brother.
He'll be like, Kyle, call me back.
I'm not going to make it.
I need your help.
No.
And then my brother will, you know, run from the bar and call him in an alleyway and be like, so what's up, my man?
How are we doing?
Dad, I thought you were stabbed in the neck.
Oh, I could have been.
I might be.
Let me see.
I'm trying to connect with the callers.
As we promised.
We have a lot of.
There's a lot of gossip.
The NDP party in many campaigns.
I don't think they could hear you.
The NDP Party is spending their whole fact that Proud Boys are a white supremacist group of Canada.
And they have to prevent that from happening again, I guess.
And there are 300 white supremacist groups in Canada.
300?
You must be counting every single fucking tweet.
Every person's a group?
Every, every, everything.
Every, everything.
People are hating this.
What?
The sound?
Like this?
Yeah.
I'm fixing a microphone, dickweeds.
We have to make that often?
No, I'm a people, so I just figured.
Oh.
So when you say people are hating this, you mean you?
Yeah, but we get like thousands of people.
Well, I hate a lot of people, and that lot of people is you.
Ouch.
Everybody knows what I'm saying is true.
I wish that wasn't the drop that happened.
So yeah.
Veterans Day, incredible day.
And let's just separate it from politics.
Separate it from, I didn't like that war.
I didn't like Vietnam.
Imagine your job is to go to work where you can die.
Now, cops have that.
What about black people?
Every time they get in their car, they could die.
Shut the fuck up.
That's not true.
Firemen, yes, they can die.
And I definitely have them in a category way the fuck above me.
But soldiers, they're even above that.
And these pussies who criticize them or criticize anything about them, they're just pure cowardice.
Like it's a level of courage we can't imagine.
Literally can't imagine.
I can't imagine with my gun going over, you know, the fucking sand dune, the grassy knoll, the hump in the land, knowing that I could just fucking get drilled at any moment.
And they weren't all single men.
Like, they had kids.
They had mommies.
Ah, fuck.
They talk about George Floyd called out for his mother.
Yeah.
All 4,000 of the men killed on the beaches of Normandy called out for their mother as they died.
No, I don't want to look like that.
Why was this not all over the media today?
I checked Twitter moments, and Veterans Day came up zero times.
Now, I checked the hashtags, right?
Trending.
Veterans Day was the number one hashtag.
But isn't that the people doing that?
Like, why wasn't the number one trend on Twitter Veterans Day?
Because of Trump?
Because Trump was in World War II?
Fuck you.
The other funny thing is, too, they trivialize military service, but they also shit on Trump for not serving.
You can't have it both ways.
I get the whole, like, why didn't Trump serve?
I understand that.
But, so you like people that serve now?
Veterans Day giveaway.
Caller One gets a $50 Bubbin Hanks Wagyou gift card.
Please say domain and promo card.
Okay.
So J, sorry, BubbinHanks.com.
Promo code Gavin.
First veteran that calls in.
First veteran.
Yeah.
And he gets two free beard vet coffee bags and beard equipment.
Yummy.
He gets one Jenny Johnny Apple CBD prize pack.
Jenny.
And whatever else the ad guy can make fall off the prize wheel.
We love the vets.
We love the vets.
Love the vets.
Great guys.
You wouldn't even believe it.
I mean, you look at the numbers.
You know, when we got...
Who were Al Kabadi Badaghi, whatever it was.
Bagdaddy.
You'd think they'd go through the front door.
They didn't.
They went through this side.
Remember that?
Yeah.
Knock knock, you would think they made.
And this dog, this beautiful dog, I mean, the coat was pretty great.
I mean, it was great.
It was good.
I like when he does like the big language.
He's like, these are great men, these big brawny men with the arms.
I was listening to a great Dave Smith sat in the car today.
And he's like, I don't like politicians at all.
I hate the government.
I Feel the same way as Dave.
I hate the fucking government.
I hate Republicans.
I hate conservatives.
I hate liberals.
I don't like the government.
I don't want it to be there.
I want the White House to be gone.
Military police, yes.
Infrastructure, sort of.
No, no, not really.
We'll pay tolls.
But otherwise, I hate fucking politicians.
I hate the government.
What are you doing there?
Oh, the TriCaster is already getting hot.
But he was saying, you know, the amazing thing about Trump is like, he doesn't have a script.
Like, name another politician that says, what now?
And there really isn't one.
What now?
What now?
And then someone will yell out, I'm doing Dave Smith's bid.
I'm stealing it.
China.
And then he'll go, China.
And he'll do a whole spiel on China.
He did like an improv thing?
Like, could I get a name on the night?
That's the thing.
His whole election, his whole presidency is improv.
That's pretty great.
I need an occupation and a name.
What do you get?
All right, let's do some calls.
I'm doing calls.
We have a lot of news to cover, and we will have Election Gate covered tomorrow.
But let's save that for the main shows.
And on these free shows, I want to catch up on some calls.
All right.
So we got...
Oh, it has a veteran right here in the title.
Hopefully it's a real veteran.
We don't.
Are you going to quiz them, guys?
$2 is pretty rare.
I'd say so.
What's up, guys?
You're on the line.
Hey, man.
Just calling in about the Senate war.
Here in North Carolina, Tom Tillis, he, I guess, officially, if you will, won today.
Cal Cunningham, the Democrat, conceded.
So that's a plus for the Senate race.
So I guess it comes down to Georgia as far as control of the Senate.
But military thing, and they give Donald Trump shit about shin splints or whatever that he got deferments from Vietnam.
But Biden, I believe he got deferments for asthma.
Yeah, that's the thing.
All politicians got out of war.
Yep.
I don't like it.
It's absolutely nuts.
What's your military history?
I was in the Air Force for six years, 4-0.
I was a medical technician.
I was a medic in the Air Force.
I spent two years in Europe and Germany.
I did a year tour in Korea.
Then did a year at Charleston Air Force Base in South Carolina.
And did my final year at Pope Army Airfield, Fort Bragg, North Carolina.
So what's that like?
You don't have to fly a plane.
You sit in planes?
No, no.
Well, could be doing a lot of different things.
We did a lot of general practice where we see patients on a daily basis.
We can do flight ops, taking people back and forth.
Did a lot of that in Europe coming from theater to Launch Dool, which is the regional hospital there in Europe.
And they can do surgeries there and or bring back people to stateside, to Walter Reed, or bigger military hospitals.
It sounds like it was pretty easy, though.
There was never anything major.
You never had a guy who had his leg blown off.
I'm not trivializing your service.
I'm just curious.
I'm just trivializing your service.
Oh, yeah, yeah, certainly.
No, no, no.
You know, certainly saw a lot of it.
Guys coming back from theater with horrible injuries and stuff.
Coming back from where?
Still currently in the army.
Coming back from the theater, Iraq and Afghanistan.
That's called the theater?
Theater of war?
Yeah.
They call it being in theater when somebody's in an act of war zone.
Like you're like the Pacific Theater?
Don't you think that we have these low death tolls with the Middle East, and then we have obviously a high death toll in the Civil War with 620,000.
But you look at the numbers, and so many of those guys died of dysentery and shrapnel and infection.
Maybe these modern wars are just as bad as the Civil War, but our medicine is so good that it's giving us a funny count.
Certainly.
And, you know, there's a lot more people are living today because of medical advancements.
And they kind of refer to it as the golden hour.
If somebody's able to get to a trauma hospital, whether that be at Bogram Airfield or somewhere where there's a trauma hospital basically, and is able to receive care within the golden hour, they generally, I think it's like a 50% chance of living,
which is very good if you have massive internal injuries or losing limbs, that kind of thing.
Well, as someone who served in Saving Private Ryan now twice, at least twice, maybe probably three or four times, I noticed in the movie that they have mere seconds to survive.
Oh, yeah.
And we certainly look up to you as Captain of the Castle.
This is going way too far.
This is my most uncomfortable joke.
Well, you won.
Yeah, you won, sir.
You won a Bubbin Hanks gift card, two free beard vet coffee bags and beard equipment.
And you can grow a beard at any time, by the way.
You don't have to have a beard today.
You won a Johnny Apple CBD prize pack, and that's it.
Yeah.
Well, I do appreciate It guys, we appreciate you, sir.
Ryan, you got his number?
I do.
Certainly.
I will contact you after the show.
All right, buddy.
Thank you for your service.
Thank you for your service.
Sounds good.
Certainly.
Thanks, guys.
Oh, wow.
I didn't like that one.
That one stunk.
So, thank you for your services.
That's you know, T-Y-F-Y-S, if we want to keep it a little shorter, because I feel like there's going to be a lot of that.
T-Y-F-S-Y-S.
Put in T-Y for your service, T-Y-F-Y-S, and we'll skip right to you.
T-Y-F-Y-S.
That's the kind of guys we are.
You risked your life to protect America, even with an asshole president.
We are willing to jump a call.
So we're basically the same.
We're skipping Charlie because we know what that means.
He's the enemy.
His name is Charlie.
Seeing your wife and kids for a year, we're willing to click a button on our mouse.
Sounds the same to me.
Kevin.
Hey, what's up, guys?
What's up, dude?
Hey, you know, it's really hard being a veteran walking around seeing all these civilians and knowing, you know, they've never been through it.
You know, they've never watched Apocalypse Announce Surround Sound.
They'll never know what it's really like.
I know how you feel, my friend.
As a fellow war movie vet, we both are in a different group, a different dimension almost.
And you know what the worst part for guys like you and me who've watched tons of war movies is we try to get back after we watch the movie, we try to get back into society and we're like, you haven't seen it.
You can't relate.
I don't know you.
We're forgotten, man.
Well, all we can do is text them the movie recommendations.
Like, what was the most recent one I liked?
The one where they're in that pit with the mountains on the page?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The pit one.
I just sent it to Maddie O'Dell.
1917?
No, it's not.
No, that was brutal, too, and I can't believe I survived it.
It was fantastic.
I told you, man, you got to watch it in theaters.
Because it's basically like you're there.
But what's the one?
The Outpost.
The Outpost.
That's actually playing in the middle.
Where Clines would use guys that were there in the movie.
Why doesn't he get more accolades for that?
That's a fucking badass thing to do.
He made a whole movie about that train fight with the jihadists, and he used the guys.
Right now, I'm too busy making America great again.
All right, thanks for calling.
Next call.
Okay, here we go.
There's a call from a fellow vet from my tier of vets.
We should have our own Veterans Day.
Like, I understand soldiers want theirs, blah, blah, blah.
That's great.
But what about war movie buffs like me and the trauma we've gone through?
I was bawling my fucking eyes out like a whore at the beginning.
The beginning of the movie is Private Ryan going to his, not his grave, obviously, but the grave of the people who brought him home.
Like, that's 10 seconds into the movie.
And I was just like, and I look over at my son, my middle son, and he's looking at me.
And it's weird to see your dad cry, obviously, especially when he's a dick to you 99% of the day.
And he sees me going, and then I noticed he was going like this.
He was doing my cry face.
You fucking dad.
He's like, that's a win.
Air Force veteran here.
T-Y-F-Y-S.
Air Force vet, go ahead.
Hey, this is Lighthouse Tom.
Hi, we have to keep him on.
Oh, my God.
Were you an Air Force vet?
Yeah, I'm an Air Force veteran.
All right.
Promise.
I was also in Germany.
Really?
Yeah, and I want to thank you guys for your service.
Really?
You look up to us as war movie watchers.
No, that's so awesome.
But I was going to say that when people say that to me, it's natural to say thank you.
But instead, I say it was my privilege and an honor.
And you should see how that throws them, man.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Assuming that you're telling the truth, I don't think you should say you're welcome or even thank you.
I mean, you put your life on the line.
My privilege.
Yeah, yes, I did.
You know, and it was an honor.
That's great.
But I wanted to talk about a couple other things.
One thing is that I had to ask you, Gavin, when you're in the gym, right?
Yeah.
Is there still that whole thing with holding onto your jizz so you have more stamina?
Yeah.
I mean, they still do that.
I mean, guys talk to you about that?
No, no, I don't.
That has nothing to do with my gym.
That's a Proud Boys thing.
We discovered that when you don't beat off, your marriage is better, sex is better, your relationships are better.
And I've noticed with millennials, it gets them off the couch.
Yeah.
I had a girlfriend who used to say to me, don't you dare do that.
And so when I didn't, and after three days, man, I was all over her.
Yeah, now the problem with all this Zoom shit with school is I'm never alone with my wife.
I used to get a whole Wednesday where I could have lingerie, whatever I wanted, and I would shoot a load that would burn holes in the wall.
And now I'm never alone in the house.
So, shish.
It makes it very uncomfortable in the workplace.
Because that energy is good.
I did another thing.
You guys, a couple of weeks ago, you were talking about what your spirit animal might be.
Yeah.
You know, your spirit animal?
Yes.
And I went and did one of those goofy tests on BuzzFeed.
And I found, you know, I pretended I was Gavin.
I pretended I was you, Ryan.
Nice.
And it turns out, Gavin, you know what you are?
You know what a spirit animal is?
A sea otter?
You're a lion.
Nice.
Oh, that's a good one.
That guy's cool.
Rion.
Yeah.
I don't think you take pride.
The Rion has any natural predators, does he?
Can a rhino even beat up a lion?
The lion is the king.
The lion is the king.
In fact, it says: you take pride in your friends and family and will protect them at all costs.
You're a natural-born leader.
You have a strong distaste for ineffective leadership in others, and you're not afraid to challenge the status quo.
That's your characteristics.
Now, Ryan, guess what you came up as?
Something small and weird.
You're a spray animal.
That's a fang.
A penguin.
Ryan, you are a meerkat.
Oh, fucking.
That's way worse.
Is that real?
Oh, it's cool.
Oh, okay.
Meerkats are cool.
This is as cool as a lion.
All right, so what is the meerkat about?
He sucks.
You are talkative, friendly, and funny.
You are intelligent and capable of accomplishing just about anything, but you often struggle with knowing exactly what that is.
Fucking good.
This guy's good.
And, you know, so listen, listen, thank you guys for your service.
I love your show so much.
It's really a pleasure talking to you.
I'm telling you, Gavin, you got to read my lighthouse story.
Come on.
Well, if there's one day, I'll give you the time of day.
It's Veterans Day.
Yeah, we'll check that out.
Anyway, thanks for calling.
Who's our next vet?
Let's see.
You know, I was at a bar today.
Actually, all day.
And did I already say there was no veteran shit?
I did that, right?
And then I'm talking to this dude.
I'm talking to Maddie.
And it comes up.
Bars in New York are going to be closing at 10 p.m.
Yep.
Starting like, I think Monday.
Oh, really?
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Closing at 10 p.m.
Like it's not shitty enough.
And there's a thing where, like, say you want to get on a flight.
You come back and they take your home phone number, not your cell number, your home phone number.
So say you get a round trip to Florida, which, by the way, the flights are 20 bucks.
So you fly to Florida, you come back, they get your home phone number, they check it while you're there.
And then you have to stay there for two weeks.
I've done a test three days before the flight in Florida.
And if it's negative, if it's positive, actually I don't really understand this.
I shouldn't be talking.
But yeah, there's so many intricate details that I don't even understand how you could possibly do a round-trip ticket.
I will build a great, great wall.
Okay, we have a...
Well, I really blew that.
Veteran on the line.
No, I'm interested.
Well, now I've got to look it up.
Paige.
Hey, hey, hey, go, go.
Uhuru.
Uhuru.
Hey, hey.
Gavin, I got to tell you, my friend, frigging, as a Marine veteran, I've been to Iraq several times.
I've been to Afghanistan several times.
This shtick of thank you for your service is fucking hilarious.
Just keep at it.
It's hilarious.
Ryan, I got to tell you, man, I'm sorry to hear that your dad kamikaze himself.
Is that why he was never around?
That's very funny, but untrue.
Go ahead.
One thing that I've got to look up, one of the best reproductions of my experience in Iraq is HBO series What Generation Kill.
You got to watch that one.
That has, for me, the most realistic depiction of my time in Iraq.
So check that shit out.
It's freaking awesome.
I got one favor and one question for you, an idea for you.
I'm an old school punk rocker as well.
I grew up listening to the germ, freaking dead Kennedys.
And I'm curious, when did punk rock go from anarchy in the UK to socialism in the USA?
When the fuck did that happen?
I'd be really interested to hear like a censor presents or something like that on that, on your perspective on that.
Well, thanks for calling.
Yeah, it was pretty late in the game.
I mean, when I was a young man, punk rock was left-wing, but the right-wing was also welcome because it was no wing.
Like you had conflict, the anarcho-punk band conflict that were sort of an evolution of crass talking about the code is cut.
And it was an anti-abortion song because they were so pro-animal.
I'm not kidding.
They're so pro-animal that they ended up being pro-human and pro-life, and they were against abortion.
And then you had Gangrene with Budweiser on their fucking album covers.
And you had Forgotten Rebels doing bomb the boats and feed the fish.
Like, it was Anything Goes.
Sid Vicious had a swastika on his shirt.
And in early hardcore, in the 80s, they continued that like Anything Goes philosophy.
And then it sort of split into like crust core, grindcore, napalm death stuff, which was unintelligible.
And then there was the SoCal scene with like face-to-face or whatever the fuck they were called.
And a bunch of these bands with big board shorts on the stage.
And they started trying to do politics.
You got Bad Religion.
Maybe Bad Religion was the beginning of this shithole.
And all of a sudden, it was about political correctness.
And by the time we leaked into the late 90s, the early aughts, things were starting to stink.
But I would say punk still clung to a sense of anarchy well into the Early 2000s.
But then, I don't know, this is pre-Trump.
During Obama's presidency, I'd say, you started getting these fucking dogmatic assholes who wanted to shut you down if you didn't support the socialist status quo.
What's the band that Communism Now, Boys, that band?
Real Communism Now or something they're called?
The something boys?
The fuck are they called?
Wait, go back.
Yeah, Downtown Boys.
The Downtown Boys were really the beginning of this extremism.
Them.
Jeez.
Look at them.
Saxophone.
Great jam.
There we go.
Great drumming.
125 million Africans, what?
Oh, they're talking about neighbors?
Black Panther.
Two-pack secure.
Yo.
Well, they ruined it.
And the thing I don't get about this whole need for the band that you see to be the same politics as you is how unfun is that?
Like you're watching a band and the keyboardist, the drummer, the bassist, guitarist all feel the exact same way as you about everything.
That to me seems polluted and wrong.
Oh shit.
We're supposed to go off the air.
Can you just do a hard cut?
No, we'll end it here.
Okay.
So this is the end of the free podcast.
By the way, Ryan, we were way behind on the free podcast on iTunes.
Is that your fault?
I don't know, but like you said, 64, a couple other ones I remember putting up there, they're not there.
So I'm going to look into it.
What do you mean you don't know?
I don't know.
So you do put every episode up.
Sure do.
And then I looked at the other one.
And then there was like three of them that were not there.
So I was like, well, all right, I don't know.
But then we also did the ones I know that the reason why they weren't there, the hot tub episode.
Yeah, that was a million years ago.
And then me, like the Just Me episode.
So we didn't put those up.
Those are the only ones I didn't put up.
But those were thousands of years ago.
I'm talking about three weeks ago was not up.
Hmm.
Weird.
Which episode?
You did put it up?
Yeah.
Which episode was it?
Well, I texted you.
You said 64.
I think 64.
But that one's certainly up there.
Okay.
Anyway, that's enough free stuff.
We're going behind the paywall now.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Did you say something about chinks?
I don't think so.
No one really cares about you guys.
Me neither.
We don't tend to appear in songs.
Like, fucking...
I went out with my bird.
And there was tons of fucking chinks there.
Yeah, I don't see any chinks in the lyrics.
I mean, as far as world trade goes, we're a little annoyed that you guys are everywhere, but like in a pop song, a rock song, an oi song.
Fucking chinks are walking about.
Walking about.
And we got...
Let me see here.
Now I hope these are real veterans here.
I think everybody's trying to...
They're being honest because it's looking a little faster.
Here we go.
Like, stolen valor is pretty fucking rare.
That's balls.
Yeah.
It's not balls.
Every time I see it exposed, it's not balls.
It's crazy person.
Yeah.
So I think this is a veteran here.
You're on the line, sir.
Yellow.
Yeah, so anyways, what's that?
Happy to be on the show.
Thank you for having me.
Oh, cool.
Anyways, what about Fox News?
So Disney bought them, just like they bought ESPN, and then it went to shit.
It's all Social Justice Warrior crap.
When did Disney buy them?
2019.
So it seems like they pay the bills over there.
So that's why you have all the anchors that are more like models and actors just saying, okay, whatever.
Some of them are so good.
Tucker's good.
Yep.
How about that woman's face we show in the show yesterday where they go, it doesn't matter what media calls it.
You're not the president when the media calls it.
And then she does that like, what?
It's almost like our video drop.
What are you talking about?
What's your...
What's your military background?
I was a Navy cook in 2001, went in after high school.
And then I was in a car accident overseas.
I busted my knee and got out.
Huh.
And what do you do now?
Yeah, nothing.
Now I'm a respiratory therapist down in San Diego.
That's cool.
Well, thank you for your service, sir.
Hey, thanks a lot, man.
Enjoy the show.
Have a good one.
Bye.
All right.
TYFYS.
You know, another way you can tell non-stolen valor is they don't want to talk about it.
They're just like, yeah, I work with the Navy.
Yeah, I did some stuff.
I got into an accident.
Let's move on.
They're not like, I was in battalion 314.
We saw a lot of shit, man.
A lot of shit.
Once we build this new studio, I have a Vietnam vet.
My buddy's dad.
I'm going to get on.
I have a plan.
So the bar, the bar set is going to be regular people.
So it'll be, they won't be called their name, they'll be called Vietnam vet or janitor or guy who farts on Thursdays.
And then the fancy set will be celebrities, like Coulter and stuff.
And I bet you the regular dude interviews will be probably more exciting than the celebs.
True.
Like, how is Cornell West not more exciting than Maddie Odell?
Okay, we have Nick on the line.
Hello, Nick.
With some facts about Normandy.
You are not a veteran, sir, right?
And you're not claiming to be?
No, I'm not a veteran.
I actually come from a military family somewhat, though.
My dad served in Vietnam and actually received a bronze star because he was protecting an ammunition bunk on the incoming forces.
And he's from a small town in Minnesota, so that was a pretty big deal at the time.
I wasn't allowed in the service because of my asthma, unfortunately.
I tried for the Marines and the Army, but found out a little too late that I wasn't eligible, essentially.
So that's unfortunate.
Dang.
Asthma.
Isn't it funny how they won't allow trans people in the military, and everyone's mad at that?
They're like, that's transphobic.
Meanwhile, you can't get in if you have flat feet or asthma.
So they are.
Sorry, go ahead.
No, no, they are strict.
Yeah, it's pretty crazy, too.
It's like, how come I can't carry my inhaler around?
I mean, I have mild asthma.
It doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.
But, you know, what can you do, I guess?
But anyway, yeah, I do talk to my family a lot and friends because I have a lot of friends that are from the military.
And actually, the thing about Normandy is the reason they didn't have much air support is because the weather was so bad that day.
And they used it to their advantage, though, because the cloud was low, the wind was high, there's a lot of rain.
And the Americans, us, thought that we could use ground troops and kind of hold back their airmen.
But that also kind of fucked us, too, because we couldn't use our air supply either.
Oh, nice.
Low visibility.
What a massacre, though.
I mean, it seems like it could have been better planned.
Yeah, for sure, because, you know, we did have some paratroopers and some mortars and all that, but everything that we would send down was way off target.
And the bunkers that were designed in German, because the German had such advanced technology at the time, they were like far superior than anybody else.
They had such fortified bunkers that it was essentially impossible for us to hit on target.
But couldn't they have been, like, I know this is naive, but couldn't you have a boat that was farther away that was shooting missiles at these fucking guys that were shooting our guys?
I know that sounds retarded.
I just think at the time, our technology wasn't, you know, progressed far enough to the point where we would just be way off target.
So even if we were backed up, Dan, you know, however far away, I just think it wouldn't be accurate enough to.
But we had, like when there was the riots in New York about the Civil War, the Brits were like shooting missiles from boats into New York.
And that was whenever the fuck that was.
This is 100 years later.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's just from my understanding, it's true that the technology wasn't really available.
And also the weather was shit, too.
Because the Germans, there's a famous quote actually from a German general, and he said, our tank was worth four American tanks, but the Americans had five tanks.
Huh.
Okay, thanks for the time.
We were not cranking off tanks.
I hope I'm not cutting off veterans on tonight's show.
He was not.
That's okay.
Yeah.
It's just, it's so horrific.
And as a vet of war movies, it's so hard for people like me to see all these men, innocent men, die.
And you think, you're screaming at the screen, like, shoot the guy who's shooting them.
That helps, yeah.
Bomb him.
The guy that's shooting the guys, shoot that guy.
Use the bullet thing.
There's a few scenes in.
Did you know Vin Diesel is in Saving Private Riders?
I did.
And so is Cheers Ted Danson.
Ted?
Oh, what is he?
Like an official?
Like a high-ranking, like an officer?
Well, yeah, of course he is.
He wouldn't be a freaking.
He would be some fucking front-line guy.
I'm infantryman.
Well, I'm fucking busy.
We got Lacey, veteran.
Is this true, Lacey?
Not with the false value.
No, I believe her, but this is kind of a news there, because I remember Lacey.
So it's like, you know, you never know.
Lacey, you're a vet?
I am.
Cool.
And I just want to say thank you for your service.
Nothing makes me giggle more than when you do the vet trope.
The stolen valor trope.
Well, it's not easy.
I have some, like, I think I have a spooky message from God for you.
So I was on the USS Normandy, and on every ship, we had like a memorabilia case for whatever the namesake was.
So we had a case full of like jackets and pictures and medals and rifles from the day that the Normandy beaches were stormed.
And right there on the wall was a framed poster for saving Private Ryan.
And it was signed by Tom Hanks and Steven Stielberg.
So wait, what part of that is eerie?
I think the poster is like God telling you that like you've done a good thing by watching the movie and serving your country.
Oh, I see.
So it's a message to me, Gavin McInnes.
Yeah, a spooky message from God.
Okay, that's a good theory.
I support that theory.
Thank you for calling.
You know what I was thinking about today?
Speaking of, remember we were like getting weird stone talk, even though we weren't stoned?
And we were talking about the Rolling Stones having sold their soul to the devil?
Yes.
You know that rape murders.
It's just a shadow way.
It's just a shadow way.
Yay.
So that song, the woman who's singing on it is a black woman, and she was pregnant at the time.
They woke her up in the middle of the night and said, come to our studio where we've made a deal with the devil to make a rock song.
And so she did.
And she sang her fucking heart out.
And she's like, Ray, Prime!
It's just a shadow way.
It's just a shadow way.
She was pregnant at the time.
Like, bursting, obese pregnant.
And she had a miscarriage.
Whoa.
From screaming so much about rape and murder.
Whoa.
Isn't that like a spooky message?
Holy shit.
Mary Clayton, that was her name.
Yeah.
That's wild.
Wow.
So you're listening to a baby dying, I guess.
Holy shit.
You're listening to a woman murder her child.
That last chorus, she gives it pretty much everything that exists.
Listen to that.
Yeah, her voice cracks.
Maybe that was when her baby died.
Maybe.
I mean, we don't know.
If it had to be a note, if you had to assign it to one.
By the way, ladies, if you're out there and you're pregnant and you get a call, she didn't know who the Rolling Stones were at the time.
You get a call and they say, hey, can you get up and sing a song?
We'll give you like a thousand bucks.
Say no.
Be like, it could wait.
Be like, actually, I'm pregnant, but I don't know why my phone even rang.
How'd you get my number?
The answer is no.
But yeah, sometimes I get kind of like weird.
And that thing last week we were talking about where those black dudes were yelling at the Jews and they were saying synagogue of Satan.
And I looked it up and it was a reference in the Bible from Philadelphia, the ancient city that's near like Turkey.
And they were in Philadelphia at the time when they said that.
Or how about Shane, what's his name, who did a sketch, a comedy sketch.
Oh, Shane Gillis.
Shane Gillis did a comedy sketch about a firefighter who saves a family, but he gets his life ruined because he's a Trump supporter.
And then he ends up having his life ruined because he's a Trump supporter.
And the firehouse that is in the sketch is the same firehouse where there was a proud boy who worked there and they said, you have to shut down the firehouse or fire him.
And they go, actually, we'll shut down the firehouse.
And they all went on strike.
So, I don't know.
Is he talking to us?
Am I stupid and crazy for thinking that God leaves little clues?
Whoa, what was that naked chick?
Well, you got distracted quick.
I see the boob challenge.
Boobs look nice when they're cold.
They're like the opposite of dicks.
Tits are kind of the opposite of dicks.
Yeah, dicks look sad when they're cold.
Tits look awesome.
America!
Wait, why is that American flag a barcode, though?
Kind of.
Oh, here we go.
Here's titty McGitties.
Clickbait.
Yeah, it is.
Ice bucket challenge.
Talk about something on Veterans Day to show.
I was called for literally one second.
True.
Yeah, imagine, I mean, just...
I don't know.
The amount of discomfort on top of the fact of...
Oh, man.
I'm watching Save It Private Ryan as a vet, and I'm thinking, like, these guys were never dry.
Like, their feet were never dry.
They never had...
And my daughter actually pointed out something.
She goes, why are they always smoking?
I think she's right.
I think that's a hole in the plot.
I'm sure you got some cigarettes, but I bet it was a fucking honor to get a cigarette.
Oh, hell yeah.
Because I remember I did an article for Vice once about drugs and alcohol in war and how, you know, there's a whole thing about how the Nazis were high on speed.
And I talked to a Vietnam vet and I go, so how much of you were just fucking like on heroin?
And he goes, heroin?
Yes, there were junkies in Vietnam.
But he goes, we were so lucky to get like water.
So the idea that we were sitting around smoking heroin, like all people talked about in war was chocolate.
And that's not just my war.
He goes, World War I, World War II, all we talked about was chocolate and how delicious it would be.
And I noticed that in Louis Zampaneri's book, Unbroken, where he talks about how they would sit around in their yacht,
in their rubber dinghy after they got shut down, and they would all talk about their mother's cooking.
Like these guys were starving to death.
There was no decadence.
That's it for Quentin Tarantino.
Anyway, sorry, let's get back to colours.
Sergeant.
Sanders.
Is this you?
Brandon?
Oh, young up.
That sucks.
I wanted to hear that.
It said, I kill bad guys.
Oh, that's pretty interesting.
I kind of wanted to hear that.
Killing bad guys is as interesting as interesting gets.
Air Force, active duty.
Hey, what's going on, guys?
Codename Adam?
That's right.
Active Duty Air Force right now.
I did two tours in the Apocalypse Now, and I did one in American Sniper.
So hats off to the War Hero movie bets out there.
Hats off to you, dude.
I've done both of those movies, and they are a wild ride, especially if you have a bit of a buzz going.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
You'll notice, by the way, when we talk to any kind of government bureau about our service, they're like, we only deal with people who are literally there.
Which I think is fucked up.
In what way?
Well, they're like, no, you have to have been on the actual, like, in the actual battle.
We don't care what movies you saw.
And I'm like, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
There's millions of ways to serve your country.
It's sad because, you know, I lost a couple of buddies of mine in the first tour of Apocalypse Now.
You know, the girlfriends wanted them to come back home.
And it was tragic.
You know, I had to sit there and watch the rest of it by myself.
You might even have people fall asleep.
You know, they're just, they're out, and they're not there anymore.
How about the dudes that play Call of Duty?
I feel intimidated around them.
They're actually out there doing this.
The real gamers are out there.
They're like the war vets that crashed a plane type shit.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
We're not in their league.
We'll never be in the league of guys who play Call of Duty.
Of course not.
No, no.
No.
I salute them.
You can smell them on the street because the stench that they have is just so musk from obviously serving our country and just getting sweaty.
And the Cheeto does.
The smell of the Cheeto.
I mean, I don't want to make a big deal of this, but I play Black Ops and Modern Warfare.
I mean, I didn't want to bring it.
I didn't know that.
Jesus, Ryan.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, no, no, Ryan, you're more of a vet than me.
I don't like to make a big deal about it, but it's my honor.
Why am I calling in?
Why isn't this Ryan's show right now?
We should have a bugle right now.
I'm standing up right now and saluting.
Can you imagine the guys Ryan's lost?
Yeah, the strangers he's lost.
Thank you, guys.
Yeah, when I thank my grandfather for this, he said, Ryan, thank you.
Anyway, what can we do you for, caller?
Yeah, well, so I'm legit, like, chair force.
I obviously don't fly a plane.
And I sit there and I feel like, well, for the most part, I feel like a drain on the taxpayer.
And being in that position, you see just how horribly run just government bureaucracy is in general, just because what do we get?
Like, at my rank, we get about 50 grand a year if you include like benefits and all that shit.
But so I'm looking at like hundreds of people in the squadron, and half of them are just like spreadsheet junkies.
And these spreadsheets are just like bullshit tasks that the commander needs filled out because his commander has this, you know, fuck the police's boss, his boss, all that shit.
So, and it's demoralizing as fuck, you know.
It's why suicide is up because we're not at war, you know, quote unquote.
And people are sitting at desks fucking doing not shit.
And honestly, on the note of the whole thank you for your service shit, like I was in an elevator one time with some, and I was in uniform because I had to go to this appointment.
And that's another thing you'll notice about Stolen Valor people is that they will be dressed to the fucking toes in like full decorative, like, what's it just like ceremonial bullshit, just casually.
We're not allowed to do that.
We're not even allowed to be in uniform in public.
So that's an easy way to comment.
You're dressed blues?
Yeah, isn't that for like funerals and ceremonies and stuff?
Say that again?
Isn't that for funerals and ceremonies and stuff?
I mean, yeah, it's either you're getting promoted then and there, or somebody fucking died.
So if you see that, granted, you know, whether or not they're stealing valor, just leave them alone.
They're either crazy or they're just not worth talking to.
But anyways, I was in the elevator with some legit blue-collar salt of the earth motherfuckers.
And they gave me the whole, you know, thank you for your service.
And at this point, I feel like I'm doing less than a fucking grocery bagger for the country.
And so I tried to turn it around in a casual way.
I'm like, you know what?
I hear it all the time, but honestly, thank you guys for your service because you guys make the fucking country run type shit.
Like you are what gives people hope in the economy and having like money in their wallets because you're out there grinding daily.
And they were confused as fuck.
It was hilarious, but at the same time, I truly meant it from the bottom of my heart.
I'm like, honestly, if you knew what I did on a daily basis, if the taxpayer knew how much I was getting paid to shitpost on the internet, honestly, I feel like they'd be at DC every single fucking day saying,
fuck the, fuck the military chair complex, the chair industry, where we're all just fucking sitting in our chairs doing nothing.
So, what's a typical day for you?
Like, did you work yesterday?
Yes.
So, what did you do yesterday?
I've been working from home, and for a while there, I was literally doing nothing.
I was only being accountable.
They just wanted me to tell somebody every day that I'm still alive and do one thing once a week, but no supervision.
I'm at home just fucking metaphorically jerking my dick doing nothing.
Now I'm in an eight-hour teleconference all day because I'm a software developer, so we're sitting there just fucking all day.
Well, you know, I flew an RJ45 one time, no big deal.
Hmm.
Is that a video game plane or a real plane?
That is an Ethernet cable.
So you developed it.
No, that's a good one, too, because I'll tell you, if you're ever, like, whenever we're out in public and there's just chicks around and they even hear that you're in the Air Force, obviously the first question is, what do you fly, right?
Like, clearly, we're not all flying shit, but you hit them with just the name, right?
You think they're going to sit there, pull out their phone, and look up the fucking model of plane that you fly and be like, oh, shit, yeah, well, you know, that's got decent armament.
I can see it has it does Squawk 5, which is great.
No, they giggle and then, you know, they get aroused because they think you're a fucking cool guy.
Are you in a relationship right now?
No, there is not shit where I'm at.
I'm literally in bum fuck Egypt.
And I've been...
You've been in bum fucked Egypt?
Like, literally Egypt?
No, it's...
I'm actually in the Baltimore area.
Probably shouldn't say that, but fuck it.
Honestly, I've been on dates with military women who are fucking married.
They're on a date with military members who are married.
Like, ring on finger.
I didn't even notice until.
Give us an example of a day where you did something productive and you went, I served my country today.
I made some really successful software.
That was a great day.
Everyone got their money's worth today.
Yeah, I mean, you know, software development in of itself is an annoying and tedious fucking process.
But at least if we can push a product out that we can see on a website, it's nice to see that, to know that, you know, the software, it's, you know, it's not like, honestly, I wish,
if anything, I was working with my hands.
I think software development is a trade.
You know, it's like the most white-collar, blue-collar job that there is, but it's still muddied up with the bullshit like PR and fucking, it's just, it's an office job, but you're still producing something.
It's still a trade.
You know, coding is something that there's demand for, and you have to specialize in.
That's the only thing I can really take pride in.
If I was sitting there fucking with a spreadsheet all day, I probably would have blown my brains out if it weren't for my friends and just like the days as a software guy with the Air Force where you've went, wow,
that was a very successful piece of software I made.
That's going to help guys at some point.
At some point.
Honestly, and, you know, it's definitely not every day.
Some days I literally get off work and I'm just like, Jesus fucking Christ.
Like, I really do wish I was busting my ass in the hot sun sometimes because that, you know, I used to do a lot of, I used to work at restaurants and I used to do a lot of package moving, just straight up, you know, work with your hands.
And you miss it.
Like, I always wanted the nine to five, but once you get in the nine to five and you realize the monotony of the shit, like, you want to go back.
You want to say, you know what, I want to be a fucking active member of society that, like, because I'm out here, I'm in the military, and I'm seeing these blue-collar guys on the elevator.
I'm like, you know what?
Thank you for your service.
I know you guys bust your ass just to feed your fucking kids.
And like, that shit is righteous.
It sounds mundane to you guys, but fuck me.
I would trade everything I have just to, just to be, like, you know, just to have, like, that, that amount of purpose that comes from, you know, actually producing.
Yeah, it feels good to work hard.
It feels good to produce something.
Even like, I go to the beach sometimes.
I've got to go back for a day of work.
In the summer, I'll see these guys at the beach, and there's like, there's the women who just sit on their ass and sleep.
And you'll see these men, they get out, and they're with their sons, and they'll build like some sort of elaborate trench where there's a wall to stop the tide coming in, but there is a sort of a let in case the tide does come in.
And then they even take up fucking boogie boards, and they make like a barrier to protect the women who are just sleeping and gossiping.
Like, we're just sort of meant to do stuff.
Yeah, I mean, it's idle hands make people go fucking crazy.
And it's, I mean, as long, I can be typing all day, and it is, it, it feels good to produce something through code because it's hard to fucking do.
And it's something I've always wanted to do because I just want to have, I want to make a product that helps society as a whole.
And, you know, honestly, I can't imagine, I never went to college, but sometimes I imagine if I had gone to college, like, I could honestly just be some fucking blogger right now, or I could just be some shitty fucking like PR person or HR or just some dumb filler job.
And I can at least be thankful of that.
Yeah.
Those people go home after work and they could have gone to not work that day.
They could have not shown up and no one would know.
Anyway, thanks for calling, buddy.
We got to get up the phone.
TYFYS.
fucking slamming the phone down on guys who are trying to protect our nation.
That's the problem with Veterans Day calls.
You're like, fuck you, bitch.
Go save another country.
Cody is a veteran and he wants to know, would we rather?
What do you got, Code?
Oh, hey.
Hey, what's up?
Hey, man.
Hello.
Okay, I don't know if this one's been on the show before, but it's kind of related to Fetchy Sticks I got from Donnie O'Malley.
You guys familiar with him?
No.
Sounds like a porn star.
Gavin.
I think he actually had Mercedes in some of his skits, but would you rather suck one dick ten times or ten dicks one time?
One dick ten times or ten dicks one time.
All right, let me just sort of stop here.
What about you?
What would you rather do?
Well, I can't tell you.
I've been tainted by the skit already.
That does taint things.
Yeah, we're going to see how gay you are, depending on how you answer it.
It does grundle things.
Okay.
Let me just finish this R in the word never.
All right.
So, 10 dicks.
Hope the vets don't mind if I take off this helmet because it's got a weird echo every time I talk.
10 dicks one time.
Massive variety of dicks.
Or one dick 10 times.
So I guess the thing is if you suck one dick 10 times, you're getting to know the guy.
Right?
There's more.
You're starting to love him or something.
Which I'm not sure I believe.
Because we don't even know whose dick it is.
But I get the setup.
You get cockrome syndrome.
What do they call it?
Cockholm syndrome?
Cox syndrome.
Cockholm syndrome.
Cockholm.
So I think that's where the joke is going.
But fuck the joke.
What's the reality?
Suck 10 dicks one time.
I know my answer.
Or one dick.
I think I would do the one dick.
Absolutely.
Because then you know how to make it finish.
Because I guess that's when you're done.
I wasn't that excited about helping him come.
No, but you know how to get it quite.
But I just thought, I don't want any more surprises.
Like, what if there's like some fucking 13-inch dick coming down the pipeline?
Yeah.
You know?
They're like, you did that one.
Now take this huge blackcock.
And you're like, Jesus Christ, this thing's an arm.
That's the small one, too.
What's the correct answer?
Well, so in the skit, it was one dick, or no, 10 dicks one time, because one dick shows...
If you suck one dick 10 times, then that shows a level of commitment.
And that's fucking gay.
That's pretty good.
I think you'd get a kick out of that guy.
Thanks for calling.
This is the guy.
Didn't you make Captain?
Yeah.
Marine Corps fucked up pretty bad, huh?
Dude, I got to say something here.
Do not chew tobacco in any public forum.
It looks fucking weird.
Oh, he is doing it right.
Yeah, it's not a good look.
I understand you're going to chew tobacco.
Put it in there.
I don't know if you're golfing, you're going to the driving range or something, you're going for a long drive.
But if you're going to be on TV or talk to a human, we got to outlaw dip.
This is not.
Look, it looks fucking retarded.
It's not a good look.
Typical fucking quick.
Look at that.
I'll be honest with you.
Looks like you have cum in your mouth, actually, and you're about to spit it out.
Like you did the 10 dick challenge already.
Yeah, you already did the 10 dick challenge.
Guys, every time we had our fucking LANAV exam, I was fucking hungover a shit of commitment.
It's a very serious question.
No, that's a fucking good question.
Yeah.
Well, let's break this shit down.
You suck the same dick 10 times.
That indicates some level of commitment.
Okay.
And that's fucking gay.
So, 10 dicks.
Next question.
If you could lather yourself in one, I disagree.
The problem with dicks is there's so much variety.
Yet again.
One guy could maybe take 40 minutes to be done.
Yeah.
If you know the one.
Well, what if your first dick was the 40-minute dick?
Well, but you try to get it down.
You try to get better at your job.
Now it's just a task.
You know?
I just like, I don't want, like, I'm doing something horrible.
It's sort of like, would you rather eat the shit of one homeless man or ten homeless men?
And I'm like, you know what?
I'm eating the shit of a homeless man.
I want to just like get this over with.
I don't want to be meeting new homeless men and like checking out new diarrhea.
Yeah.
And maybe your body could defend against one set of diarrhea.
Yeah, like I already started this diarrhea mess.
You know, it's kind of like that question.
Would you rather your, you know, your girl have had bang 10 guys one time or like one guy 10 times, whatever.
No, it's not like that.
Because that one is...
She could have been a Mormon and banged a guy 8,000 times.
But it was her husband.
So that's awesome.
Yeah, that's the same thing with the one dick.
One dick?
One guy.
You mean a Mormon widow?
Yes, please.
Please, and thank you.
We got Patrick calling about his dad in Vietnam.
Ooh.
Patrick.
All right, we need a bugle.
We got to wake him up.
I want to get your dad on my new show, my new studio.
I want to have a regular Vietnam vet show.
Wouldn't that be cool?
Every week you have a new Vietnam vet.
Wouldn't that be cool if there's a show called Vietnam and you sit down at our new bar set and you just talk to a different Vietnam vet?
Oh my God, that's our shit.
Can you hear us?
We can hear you now.
Yeah, I can hear you, guys.
Cool.
Go on now.
Yeah, hey, so I just want to call about my dad.
He's a Vietnam vet.
Been a Vietnam vet, obviously, since, God, 1968.
He never talks about it, which is why I think he was like, you know, the OG, like, real deal.
He's talked about it like, God, four or five times.
Really heavy stuff, but he is like a super liberal now, which is the weirdest thing because he would be the opposite.
But, oh, yeah.
Biden, he votes for fucking all that stuff.
Not a Trump guy at all, voted for Hillary, everything.
That's so confusing to me.
I don't understand.
I am just as confused as you are, but like, the reason I like, like, again, I don't, like, obviously, growing up, never wanted to, you know, talk about it within, like, kind of, you know, he mentioned it offhandedly, like, a few times.
Like, he mentioned, like, when one of his friends died, like, oh, this is a guy I knew in Vietnam.
He, like, got shot going into a helicopter and he just died of, you know, ass cancer, you know, whatever the fuck.
He dies a Vietnam vet.
But, yeah, I mean, so it's like, it's, these guys don't talk about it.
Like, I think it's a serious conflict in Vietnam.
Not a lot of people, you know, realize that, like, you know, my dad, he was a great dad, you know, never beat me, nothing like that.
But, like, I mean, he never talks about it.
But I really believe he was, you know, deep in it.
He talked, you know, he's mentioned it like five, six times, offhandedly killing people, stuff he saw, people getting shot.
Talks about this guy like grabbed this barrel, this heavy machine gun, like in a, in a firefight.
And like, it was obviously, you know, a million fucking degrees.
So all the skin just melted off his hand right in front of him.
You know, again, he said that to me like offhandedly one time, like it was nothing.
So, I mean, he's seeing some serious stuff.
And yeah.
Wow.
I wish you would open up a little bit more.
Maybe, like, I was going to say, I understand a Vietnam vet hating the government and being dubious of any government, but Joe Biden is going to have you in more wars than Trump would.
Trump has no new wars.
I think the thing is, he's like apolitical.
I think he just, after he got out of Vietnam, he just kind of like, you know, was like, whatever, I'm not going to talk about politics anymore.
And I always say that, you know, it's easy being a liberal.
It's easy, you know, being a Democrat.
It's easy saying welfare all.
It's easy, you know, all this stuff.
So I think that he just kind of, you know, he saw this stuff when he was younger, when he was literally 20, 22 years old.
And I think now it's just like, you know, he's out of it, whatever.
I think this is just the easy thing for him to do now.
So I don't really hold it against him.
I try to tell him like, hey, dad, you know, you're wrong.
This is what's going on.
Like, Joe Biden fucking hates you.
The Democrats fucking hate you.
You know, Donald Trump is the first presidential candidate in the last, I don't know how many years, to actually, you know, shake a vet's hand, sit there, talk to him at a rally, ask him his story.
You know, he's not just some fucking photo op for him.
He doesn't want to hear it.
You know, which I guess his mental bandwidth is just there for him, I got it, or something like that.
So that's what I tell myself.
Yeah, I mean, if you're a Vietnam vet, it's none of my fucking business what you think.
I'm not about to criticize you or try to change your mind.
And I think it's important when someone's your dad to not die on that hill.
You know what I mean?
Like, not fucking lose your father.
And then that's what's going on with the left so much.
They're Xing their fathers.
They're Xing their siblings.
I think we should just, as real men, we revere our father's decision and we go, well, that's your opinion.
It must be coming from somewhere real.
I'm not going to fuck with it.
Yeah.
I don't think he's wrong necessarily.
I just think he maybe doesn't know what he's talking about.
Listen, my dad gives me great advice.
He tells me how to fix stuff.
He gives me great life advice.
He's a fantastic father.
I just happen to think he's wrong about politics.
I think mostly because he's undistrusted.
Where are you guys?
I live in Portland, Maine, up here.
So it's a good, wholesome, you know, it's a liberal town, but it's a really great state.
You'd actually probably love it up here, if I'm being honest with you, especially the Portland area.
Well, that's where Tucker just moved.
Yeah, I'd love to go up there.
We get Tucker sightings up here.
We get a lot of celebrity sightings.
We all kind of sneak up here because it's fucking beautiful, but it costs an arm and a leg to live here.
Yeah, I'm sure it's way more expensive than New York.
Well, it's expensive like that, but they pay you dog shit money to work here still.
So they haven't caught up.
Yeah.
All right.
Thanks for calling, buddy.
I was going to say we should get him on the show, but what are the odds that the guy's going to come down from Maine and talk about Vietnam doing ass?
I know my grandfather wants to write a book.
Can I get your grandfather on the show?
I'll ask him.
But yeah, he's mentioned, I've heard about four.
What would happen if we got your grandfather on the show, we were talking, everything was going cool, and we got Super Waste, and then I ended up fucking him.
I thought you were going to say making up, but that's way worse.
Obviously, that'd be terrible.
And then we fell in love.
And I would just be over here all the time at the studio.
I'd be like, when is Gavin done?
You don't want to hang out with him.
He's such a cool guy.
I love fucking him.
He doesn't even kind of sound like that.
I want to fuck him again, man.
He sounds like this.
People think...
Never mind.
But, no, I'd kill you both.
No question.
A love like that cannot blow.
Negative.
It sure is.
That's very Romeo and Juliet.
That's making us more attracted to each other.
My grandpa is not.
It's more protective over you because I don't think he'd be a pleasant top or a pleasant bottom.
So you're worried about my butt lips.
He would annihilate you.
You're worried about my butts.
Yes.
And then you would...
I don't know what I'd have to do.
Clean up after you.
That's your concern is cleaning up my shit streak after your dad, your granddad ripped my ass to shreds.
And he's a very, like, intense lover.
So he's like your intense lover.
He'd call you all the time.
It's like we would get work.
We'd call you all the time.
I love that.
I love that song.
Oh.
Calling About a Fallen Soldier.
This is Tom.
Tom online.
Hello.
Hey, man.
How you doing?
Man, this is recent, so excuse me if I'm emotional.
But I had a fallen soldier.
It's the the war of Ovlock versus Louisiana.
Right, if you could look it up, uh, King Vaughn got shot down in a battle.
He was uh great guy.
I'm sorry, what is the name again?
Did you hear me?
Yeah, you're talking about what a football game King Vaughn.
Team Vaughn.
Oh, King Vaughn.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Yes, yes.
And it is actually footage.
It happened in Houston.
And we've got to pay our respects, you know.
That is true.
I'm looking for the video right now, search.
Please excuse me while I find that.
You know what we used to do, speaking of fallen soldiers, if you're talking about beers that aren't drank, we'd go to a party in my teens late, and then we just grab beers, and we'd go like this, and then drink them like that, because there'd be cigarettes in them.
And if you grit your teeth, the cigarettes would stay on the other side of your teeth.
Oof.
I'm having a hard time finding the actual footage.
Yeah, the joke's dead.
Next go.
Wait.
I think I'm the only person subtle enough to do Stolen Valor jokes.
I thought he was really crying and that I was getting.
I don't think anyone else should do them but me.
Here we go.
Because I'm not even sure about mine.
So this is a rapper that people enjoy.
He died?
Yeah.
This is why you don't fight people, you know, for what was the reason?
You know?
What was the reason?
Is there a good reason?
So he's dead?
I believe so.
You don't want to fight people.
Not rapper people.
Don't fight rapper people.
Wait, that guy, the murderer's coming back.
Oh, shit, he is.
Dude, you're going to be...
You know, there's multiple camera more now that you're coming back.
I don't think they think about these things.
You know what would be smart if you're kind of a murderer guy?
Bring like a very thin t-shirt in your pocket.
And wear a white shirt, right?
Go out.
No, long sleeve.
Bring a red long sleeve shirt out with you.
And roll it up in your pocket.
And then, you know, you murder someone.
And then run into the bushes, throw that shirt away.
And change into that.
Oh, wait.
His friends are showing up.
Good murder, dude.
Come on in.
What the fuck?
Is he invited in?
Yes.
They're like, can you get in?
They don't seem to be letting him in.
I think he's saying, yo, dude, you're bleeding.
Are you a little murderer, dude?
I think that was the victim who got in there.
White shirt.
No, the shooter was the white shirt.
I don't know.
That was the one being dragged around.
This is Mary Clayton, the singer of Give Me Shelter.
She explains the thing, if you're interested.
She might be a lion.
Put it around my head.
Oh, because I had those in those days.
Put the Chanel scarf around my head and stomp to the den where the fur coat was sitting.
Obviously, she's very torn up about the miscarriage.
Put the fur coat on.
Seems pretty sick.
Put some blush and blushed up my lips a little bit, you know.
And we opened the door and the car was sitting down there waiting.
They knew you.
So we go to the studio and I see these little wow guys coming from the back of the studio.
You know what they've been doing.
Not having.
Didn't your child die that night?
They said, hello.
I said, well, hello.
Excuse me telling the story of when my child died.
What do you want me to sing?
So they took me in the booth and they showed me what they wanted me to sing.
I said, okay, cool.
So we're out singing.
Old children, it's just a war children.
It's just a shot away.
And then you're all up in your face and, you know, with the lips and the whole thing going on.
Get married.
So I kind of cried, yeah, because I kind of dismissed them.
I said, well, you guys can, you know, you finish.
You can go now.
So they asked me to put that part on.
I put that on.
I said, uh-huh.
I'm going to fix them.
I'm going to wear this out real good so I can get back to my warm spot.
Continued to sing.
And then they came out to me and said, this part right here, darling, you must sing about the rape and the murder.
I said, child, I'm here by myself.
I'm not trying to sing anything about rape and murder.
It's just a child rape.
Rape, murder.
That was the lyric to the song.
I said, you have to explain this to me.
So they explained the rape.
I said, oh, okay, I get the gist of the song.
I don't get the gist of the song.
What is the rape and the murder in Gimme Shelter?
It's all Gimme Shelter, protect me from all of these evil, mean things in the world, right?
I don't know what it was.
Something just came over me.
Like all the things that was going on in the world at that time, the racism and the killing of this person, the shooting of that person, and all the civil rights stuff that was going on.
The war.
White stuff that was going on.
It was supposed to be war.
Did you just say all the super white stuff that was going on?
I don't know if that's going to be at that time.
All the civil rights stuff that was going on.
Civil rights.
Which is the super white stuff.
I was like screaming to the top of my lungs.
That was like child.
Just like children.
You know what else was in you?
A child.
They hooting and hollering back up in the booth.
You know what about the booth?
Is it going to come up at all?
And I said, okay, I'm going to do it one more time.
And then I had a miscarriage.
There's only five seconds left in the clip.
It would have to be a murderer.
It was going to be a white man.
Give you one for safety.
And I did it again.
They still hooting and hollering and carrying on.
So I was waving good night, and it was done.
I said thank you and good night, and that was it.
Where's your miscarriage?
Wow.
Is that a shirt?
Yeah, where's your miscarriage, bitch?
That's the worst.
Somebody sent this link in there.
Suicide rates are fucking bananas, apparently.
For who?
White veterans.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah.
YPG veterans.
I remember that guy.
You do?
Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
YPG.
Okay, let's see.
Let's look here.
But you've got to wonder sometimes, is it the chicken or the egg?
Like, do sometimes mentally fragile people want to fix their life and they go, I got to go to the military.
I'm not saying people in the military are mentally fragile, but it must attract a few guys who are looking to fix their problems.
And then maybe like trans who have sex changes and they go, that didn't fix my problems.
Maybe afterwards they go, wait, I'm still nuts.
That are a lot of adrenaline, not adrenaline junkies, but people that really live super hard.
You know, they got a lot of intensity.
Intense people.
This will be going on the doodle auction.
Doodle auction.
It's terrible, but we'll see if you like it.
That's terrible.
That's tearmaller.
So this is Cover Me.
It's like gun skins that you put on your guns, but it also they donate to soldiers afterwards.
Great.
So that's a thing that somebody sent us, too.
Cover Me Veterans, it's called.
Okay.
And who do we want?
Let's do another call.
We got...
I like this, by the way.
I like this two hours of calls.
I feel like we get a chunk out, whereas with the previous setup, I felt like we were ripping people off.
Believe me, and I am always right.
United States Marine Corps.
Hey, Gab, you there?
I'm there.
Hey, Phillips, how are we doing?
Good.
How are you doing?
Oh, I'm alright.
So I was wondering if I can ask your advice on something.
I know this isn't really like the help me fucking hotlines.
Going on.
Alright, so, well, you know, I joined at a pretty young age.
Joined at 17, which if anybody out there that's listening is thinking about fucking joining that young, I can tell you, don't fucking do it.
Wait a couple fucking years, you know, until you mature.
But, you know, I got married like a fucking idiot, you know, age 19.
And then I got, you know, divorced after that because the divorce rate's pretty high in the infantry, especially in the Marine Corps.
Why?
Bottle a day, well, bottle a day type drinker, man.
I mean, you know, for about seven years, I mean, I'm three months sober today.
So this is you out of the service while you're non-deployed, you're drinking a bottle a day.
Yeah, well, I mean, while I was then, because I joined 2013, so it was probably about the time I hit the fleet.
It was about a bottle a day, you know.
But what was your day like during the bottle a day?
Because they say alcoholism is when you can't, it hurts your life.
It hurts your lifestyle.
What was your lifestyle back then?
Well, it was mostly, you know, either get back from a field app, you know, busting your ass for, you know, two weeks straight.
And then, you know, you get up, you know, you clean the weapons, whatever.
Hey, guys, fucking go home.
And, you know, you get home about, you know, 4 p.m., start drinking, drinking until 4 a.m.
And then wake up and make sure you're at fucking formation on time, you know, at 0.6 or whatever, 0.8.
And then go run three or four fucking miles and then do it again the next day.
You know, that didn't really impede my ability to perform my job.
That's amazing.
I box sometimes after a night of like three bourbons and I feel like AIDS.
I can feel the toxins coming out of my pores.
I think it burns my skin sometimes.
But a bottle of booze.
Yeah, I mean, I'd show up to formation and my staff starting to walk by and be like, hey, App, like, you fucking reek.
Like, did you fucking drive here?
Like, yes, that's our technical.
Like, I'm fucking like, hey, I'm good.
You know, like, what are we, are we bought?
You know, like, what are we doing today?
You know, there were times that they'd be like, all right, you know, fucking, we're going to do a gun run.
You know, so a gun run, like, you'd go to the armory, you'd pull the 50 Cals, the Mark 19s, you know, all the heavy machine gunnery.
You know, you'd take that and you run for, you know, in full gear for about six, seven miles, come back, do some ground fighting for about an hour, and then go to Chow and fucking sit around and wait for them to go tell you to, I don't know, fucking listen to the colonel talk about sexual harassment or some stupid shit,
you know.
But yeah, that was a day-to-day thing for me.
And then, you know, I got divorced right after I got out after, you know, ironically enough, we spent 11 grand on a fucking vacation in New Zealand, which was hilarious.
But why was that hilarious?
But that's the type.
Well, it was hilarious because it was like, I wanted to go on the fucking trip.
And I looked back and I was like, oh, shit.
Like, that's $11,000 I wish I could fucking have back.
You know what I mean?
Was she cheating on you?
I think so, because on my second deployment, she ghosted me for about 30 fucking days.
That sounds pretty cheaty.
I mean, that was.
Sorry, say again?
That sounds pretty cheaty.
Yeah, oh, fuck yeah.
You know, and of course, you know, the other Marines make jokes like, yeah, man, she's got a cock in her mouth right now.
And you're like, ah, shut the fuck up.
And on the inside, you're like, oh, what if she has a dick in her mouth?
You know what I mean?
Like, how do you deal with something like that besides the bottle or just get in fight, you know, like there's no other way to fucking deal with it.
And, you know, of course, we get out and well, fucking, we get out.
I fucking got out.
She knew shit.
But, you know, I get out of the Marine Corps and then, you know, I'm in therapy and shit to try to deal with the alcoholism.
And after that, she fucking bitch.
Went to my parents' house like the, like, the night of, she basically planned this out.
Like, sat me down and told my parents before me, like, hey, I'm fucking leaving your son.
And she's, like, showing my mom, like, pictures of apartments and shit.
Like, look at this fucking tile.
And, like, my mom's sitting here not trying to, like, fucking lose her shit on this woman.
Like, I'm about to break your neck, bitch.
So she takes off, whatever, yada, yada.
And then now I'm in my second marriage.
And ironically enough, I married the maid of honor for my first wedding, if you can believe that.
Wow.
Nice.
And now we're separated because I was drinking heavily again in the second marriage.
Oh, dude.
You got in the same mess again?
You know.
What's that?
You got in the same mess again?
Yeah, basically.
I mean, of my own doing, because, you know, I'm a fucking drinker.
What's your ethnicity?
You know, I'm trying to kick it.
I'm white.
I'm white as fuck.
Irish?
Slovak?
Russian and Norwegian, Swedish.
Those guys are family.
Throw them back.
Okay, so the question is, how to get her back?
No, I mean, we're talking again.
You know, we're separated right now.
You know, like, we're, I see her all the time.
You know, she comes over and, you know, like, we have sex, we talk to each other and stuff like that.
But me trying to work on the sobriety, you know, she basically told me, like, hey, if you drink again, like, we're done, you know.
And that puts a lot of pressure on me because I'm like, well, the statistics on me fucking, if I'm a bottle-a-day drinker relapsing are pretty fucking high.
You know what I mean?
So it's like, how do I deal with that being over my head and trying to have the relationship at the same time?
Because I love her, but I don't know if I give a shit about myself enough to just completely fucking be done with the bottle altogether.
You know what I mean?
Well, my advice would be to lie.
To tell her that you've quit the bottle forever.
And to promise her beyond a shadow of a doubt, I swear on my life, I will never touch the bottle again.
And never touch the bottle within a fucking gas tank of her.
Never let her see you even with the slightest buzz.
Order Diet Cokes at restaurants.
But say you got to go see your brother and then go to a motel, sit in a bathtub, nude, and drink a bottle of fucking Jack Daniels.
Yeah, you got me on Maker's Mark, by the way.
I had never tried it before I started watching your show.
And I was like, yeah, well, fuck it.
I'll give it a whirl.
And I tried it, and I fell fucking in love.
Oh, great.
I fucking love Maker's Mark.
Sounds like it's really good.
I apologize.
It's been a real help.
I apologize.
Isn't vodka sentless?
Why not rock with the vodka?
No, they can.
A woman who knows you can tell.
She sees you stutter.
Even...
Like, I was more drunk at the beginning of this show than I am now.
I bet people who watch the beginning can be like, he's got buzz on.
They can tell.
So just lie.
Just say, I don't drink anymore.
I swear to God.
And then fucking drink in private.
Yeah, fucking.
What would Trump say?
Fogg.
Frankly, he would say, put the bottle down.
You could have it stayed.
Trump lost his brother to booze.
Anyway, thanks for calling, dude.
Trump lost his brother to alcohol.
Fred, so Trump is very anti-booze.
And I always think, like, when I see these goddamn Jews doing so well, a lot of my anti-Semitic friends, just kidding, will go, those fucking Jews control the media.
And I'm like, dude, it's because they're not hungover.
Like, have you ever seen an Amish person build a house?
They do it in, like, an hour and a half because they don't drink.
If you don't drink, look at fucking my buddy Willie McAloon's dad, Danny McAloon.
Bronx boxer, fucking badass.
Bronxer.
Look him up.
He was the greatest boxer in the history of the Bronx.
And people go, why weren't you pro?
Why weren't you Mike Tyson?
And Danny McAloon would have told you, because I drank too much.
There he is.
Danny Irish McAlone.
Danny McAlone!
Pretty cool.
Here's another piece for your art collection.
Ooh.
I recognize that.
That's a Stedmond.
Look at the dripping.
Oh, shit.
It just dripped across it.
Drip, drip, drip.
It's got some drips.
It's pretty drippy.
We have Sergeant Sanders on the line.
Yeah, right there.
He's back.
I don't know if he knows he's there.
Let's see if we can.
Hello?
That's a sound.
Hello.
Hello.
The horns woke you up, huh?
Sir, you're on.
What you're doing is you're listening to the show.
You have to be on the phone.
I can't.
That's the problem with our show.
Guys are partying.
Yeah.
This is going to get hold of them.
Can we play the paratrooper song?
Sure.
This is a Marine Corps sergeant.
So it's like kind of a hop on him.
I know.
Marine Corps Sergeant.
We're there.
We're ready.
Hey!
What up, Gavin Rye Guy?
There he is.
Hey, how you doing, buddy?
Hey, I'm all right.
Happy Veterans Day!
Happy Veterans Day!
Tell me, you can't be looking at that watch.
Everybody's drunk right now.
Now, help me out here.
Weren't the Marines created to fight Muslim pirates who were stealing our women?
That is true.
That's what I thought.
Yeah, the Berbers or the Barbers or whatever they were called.
Yeah, hey, they sold us up.
We go fuck them up.
And you did.
And you ended that.
Yeah.
Marines end problems.
Yeah, we do.
That's it.
That's all we do.
Semperify.
What's your question, sir?
I'm trying to figure out what the hell I was going to talk to you about.
Oh, Lieutenant O'Malley.
That guy with the big dip in his mouth?
Yeah.
He's killed more people than smallpox.
Wow.
Really?
The guy we just showed?
Donnie O'Malley?
Yeah, that guy.
Really?
How many people do you think he's killed?
Yeah, he's a badass.
That's just like his, you know, every, I mean, in country, every Marine runs around with a dip in their mouth or a cigarette hanging out their mouth.
It's just that cliche of us.
Like Eden crayons.
Eden crayons, yeah.
That's great.
How many people do you think he's killed?
Lieutenant O'Malley?
Yeah.
I'm going to say, I want to say 12.
That's a lot of dudes.
I'm going to say 12, yeah.
That's a lot of fun.
You know, sometimes I was at the gym today, and I was looking at all these posters on the walls of all these boxers.
And I was looking at them, and I was thinking of the same way I feel about these guys who jump off cliffs with squirrel suits on, and they do that air, you know, surfing thing.
And I'm like, can you guys stop boxing and stop jumping off cliffs and just join the military?
We need you.
We need less chicks, less fat, short, five-foot-tall girls, and more like men, more badasses like you.
Well, those crazy folks are hard to control.
Oh, yeah, good point.
If you willingly jump off a damn rock and want to fly like a squirrel, you're a goddamn weirdo.
Who survives the best in war?
The ones that have buddies they love next to them.
But what percentage is that?
Like 90%?
Well, I can't think of the numbers right now, but my battalion, we lost 30 guys in Iraq the last time.
And a battalion is right over, I don't know, hell, ours was just a little over 1,000.
So we had to lose at least 10 or 15 in our company.
That's horrible.
No, that's what we do, though.
Hey, they sign us up, we sign up right out of freaking high school and go freaking kick ass.
I heard that coming back sometimes is the hardest part about it because your brothers are over there and you feel this guilt.
Well, not them being over there, but the ones that you left over there.
That's the hard part.
Yeah.
Well, I wish there was more reverence for your profession because that right there, what you just said, should be what this whole day is about.
But I was flipping through the channels today at the bar and I was not seeing it.
Like, well, there was not enough attention to Veterans Day this year.
I know, it's kind of crazy.
You know, I grew up, both of my grandpas were in the military.
September 11th happened.
I was like, fuck it.
This shit's happening.
I'm going to fight.
And then it kind of went to shit, you know?
It's like being a cop.
I mean, being a cop is no longer a noble profession somehow.
Yeah, and that's ridiculous because those asses, they do it every freaking day.
And they have to wear the mask.
And they have to be nice.
And they can't shoot people like I can shoot people.
You know what I mean?
It's bullshit for the cops.
How many people have you shot?
If you want to read a book called The Gift of Valor, you'll see my name in there and you'll find out.
Okay, I'm going to do it.
The gift of valor.
Thanks for calling, buddy.
Thank you for your service.
Thank you.
The gift of valor.
It's funny how I'm in a studio that's exactly 70 degrees and I can't wear a World War II helmet for, or whatever the helmet that is, for more than like 10 minutes without going, eh.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, I was watching Saving Private Ryan tonight, and I'm thinking of their fucking feet.
Like their feet were never dry.
If I'm wearing my socks, just to amplify the faggotude of your average dude, if I'm wearing my socks and I go into my wife's bathroom, like to see if she has any toothpaste, because I'm in the kids' bathroom, it's all like that dumb blue toothpaste with the sparkles in it that tastes like sugar.
And I want normal adult toothpaste.
So I go into my wife's bathroom and if I step in my sock on a wet part, I'm like, god damn it.
Fuck.
Now, one tenth of my sock is slightly moist.
Fuck.
And that's going to be moist for at least the next one minute.
Ah, shit.
Unless I go to my sock drawer, which has 9,000 socks, take off my wet sock, and put on a new one.
And then I've only been inconvenienced for maybe 22 seconds.
And then you're watching these guys in the mud.
And you're like, their feet were so wet, they died.
Like, they didn't just get pruny, they fucking started to rot.
There's a scene in it, too, where the medic goes, smell his leg, and smells, tell me if it smells south of cheese.
And he smells his leg.
He's like, oh, fuck.
That means his leg has to go.
It's rotting.
We're so fucking spoiled.
That's what Veterans Day should be about.
How spoiled we are.
It's a thank you to the guys who lived lives and died in scenarios that we couldn't even fathom.
Oh my God, it's raining out.
It's raining.
Oh, I'm drenched.
How about raining blood?
At the beginning of...
No, I'm sorry to keep quoting the movie, but it's an accurate film, okay?
At the beginning of the movie, Tom Hanks has moisture dripping down his face.
It's blood.
It's blood from people blown up around him.
It's like a spray.
And that's not a fictional film, all right?
You know that there was men on the beaches of Normandy who had blood dripping down their faces.
So, you're not saying, I think that war was good, or I think that was a good move for the military, and they should have stormed Normandy.
It's not about that.
Imagine a bike messenger who had blood on his face.
Like, it's a profession.
Fuck what they were told to do.
They're just doing their job.
So it's a profession where someone else's blood is on your face.
That's something that should give you pause because you're a pussy.
I'm a pussy.
I got punched in the face today at the gym.
My mouth guard came out and I stood, I did this, I went, and then I stopped.
I put my hands down and I went in a sort of like, are you fucking serious?
Kind of a way?
Because obviously I know the guy I'm sparring with, and I was mad that he hit me so hard.
But that was like, that was literally one second of my day.
It was an uncomfortable second.
One second later, there was nothing else.
I didn't have a dead friend.
I didn't have a letter I had to take from my body and give it to someone else so they can give it to his mother.
Like, can we at least fucking revere that?
If we cannot revere our veterans, we're lost.
Fuck what the war was about, you assholes.
You're pro-Vietnam, you're anti-Vietnam.
Yeah, yeah, look, we're all anti-war, dumbass.
When you sign up to be a soldier, you're not, there's no democracy there.
You don't go, actually, so what is this?
Vietnam is, that's France's territory.
Shouldn't France be fighting for it?
Why are we going over there?
There's no back and forth like that.
They're just like, we're going to Vietnam to defend France's territory against the communists.
Okay.
I met a guy the other day who he didn't get called for Vietnam.
He just had the luck of the Irish with the draft number.
But he had a friend who died without setting foot in Vietnam.
He was getting off the helicopter and he got shot to death.
So he died touching Vietnam for the first time.
Can we at least acknowledge that?
Please.
Please.
Just acknowledge that.
You don't have to say war is good or bad.
Nothing.
Just like, put your hand in your heart, tip your hat, take off your glasses.
Please.
For fuck's sakes.
We're talking about women on the front lines, a bunch of fucking fat black nurses who gave someone a COVID test.
Thank you so much.
Our first responders.
Yes, you're wonderful.
Thank you for doing a COVID test, which is your job, by the way.
And you're getting overtime.
That's great.
But the men who died, one day a year, 11, 11, 11.
Can we please do that?
Every day during the COVID, they clap and stuff like that in Co-op City.
They clap at 7 p.m., I think it is.
How about the fucking paper?
I wonder.
I'd like to think that.
I don't know if it's a boost, but I'm actually getting mad.
You should be.
She's mad as hell.
Get me in.
You're on the line, James.
What's up, James?
This is it, finally.
Hell yeah.
Hey, I'm the Giants.
I was glad to get on, but I'm a retired vet of 20 years, active duty army.
Hell yeah, man.
So what war is that 20 years ago?
Iraq?
Desert Storm?
Desert Storm?
Well, no, I joined in 97 with Bill Clinton.
And I just retired three years ago.
Huh.
And do you think there's less reverence towards the military today than there is 20 years ago?
Well, back then, nobody gave a shit about it.
You know, you never really hear about it very much.
Then when 9-11 kicked off, when 9-11 happened, I was stationed in Germany.
I had already been in the army for five years.
Well, three, no, that was 2003.
So yeah, almost five years.
And freaking, I was already, had two deployments in our belt, but those first two deployments were in Kuwait, so it was before the war.
So that was freaking border guard shit up there in Iraq, Kuwait.
Then we did Kosovo.
And in between that, 9-11 kicked off, then we invaded Iraq.
And then I didn't go in the invasion.
We went in the second round of 04-05.
So I was in Germany in freaking first ID.
And that's when we pushed out on basically replacements for the Iraq invasion guys, 04.
And after that kicked off, it was just back-to-back deployments all the way until pretty much I retired.
Because I was in actually combat units, and I was on tanks.
I did freaking tanks for 20 years.
Did you think you were going to make it through?
20 years.
Do you think you ever were like, did you think you would make it through?
How'd you feel about that?
Well, there was times when I thought I was a gunner.
But like, that was 04, 05.
The insurgency really kicked off during that time.
And I was in friggin Samara, which is like north of Baghdad.
Nobody knows where the fuck it is.
If you look it up on the map, it's Sunni.
It's called the Sunni Triangle.
But that's that city.
Samara was a city Saddam could control.
So he built a bypass bridge around it during his when he was still in control.
But freaking, we were like, we were rolling in tanks and Bradleys and shit.
So we were an infantry battalion.
So I was a tank platoon.
I was attached to an infantry battalion.
So we had, what, three?
We had three infantry companies, but each of those had like two, or questioned one tank platoon.
So we were support for the infantry guys.
And we would just roll around, do 100 killer teams, go around and just fucking blast fucking insurgents all day.
And we were outnumbered the whole fucking time because we had 800 guys.
That's counting support, fuelers, all that shit you have in your battalion.
So you go out there and their whole job is to support you.
Like we have fuelers, cooks, all that shit, but they stay on the freaking fob.
They don't do shit.
They support us.
But we're the guys going out.
We do the shit every day.
And we'll throw out there.
We'll be out there with a tank between 16 guys.
They have four guys per tank.
And you'll just go out there.
You'll have your mission.
Go out there, set up an OP at whatever pasty checkpoint shit, whatever street, because everything was named street.
All our street names were basketball team names.
So we would set up on 40th Street would be, so it was, it was 10th, so 10s, the street names would be 10s going north to south, and then the east to west were basketball team names.
So we just have like that code words like that shit.
And we'd set up like checkpoint between 10th Street, 10th, and Lakers.
And we'd go set up ACA checkpoint.
And we would just wait for people to come fucking shoot at us.
And then shoot.
So these assholes come out with AKs and RPGs.
And we just fucking gun them down instantly.
Is it possible to bring democracy to the East or is it incompatible with their genetic DNA?
Like Pat Buchanan says, we should stop wasting our time in these foreign wars because they can never embrace democracy.
They don't even want it.
It's like trying to bring homosexuality to straight people.
Well, it's hard to say.
Like, there are good people over there in those countries.
I've been to Afghanistan, too.
And we did 2011, 2012.
That was my last.
I did three tours in Iraq.
And then I did Afghanistan.
Then they stuck me on some instructor duty down there in Georgia.
And then I retired, finished my 20.
But frick it, I was there for the very first vote in Iraq, the very first voting day.
That was in 2000, was it December, I think, November, 2004.
And we had to guard all the polling places in Samarra.
And they, so we were out there doing checkpoints and shit with the Iraqi army and the Iraqi police.
They're all useless.
But freaking, they were trying to, insurgents were trying to mortar their own people at their own polling stations.
Theyraqi civilians.
People don't understand what animals those insurgents are, what the terrorists are.
They're pure animals.
And people don't get that.
They think we're going to change their minds and be friends and let them come back from Syria and come rehabilitate them.
They're garbage.
Once they're there, they're gone pretty much.
They're useless.
I've talked to soldiers who tell me about average Iraqis just cutting off dogs' ears with shearing scissors like stray dogs and then watching them go, just as like a haha, just a random fun joke, like flipping a coin.
Yeah, I've seen them.
They don't like dogs out there because they're every freaking way.
They all got rabies, too, so that's kind of a thing.
But like the funny thing about the dogs in Iraq is they all look like house dogs.
A lot of them are like mutts.
They all got released, like ran away from home.
So it's not like, they're not like coyotes running around.
They're like little like, hey, it's little freaking, you know, freaking baby little freaking poodle and shit running around.
And there are packs of them, like, having big old pack bites and shit.
It's hilarious.
What a mess.
So should we be there?
Should we be in Iraq?
Should we be in the Middle East?
Is it a good plan?
If you were president, would you send people there?
No, it's a waste of time.
So I am, my theory is different.
So whenever I talk, this is what I like to do, the piss liberals off when I talk to them.
So you're, yeah, we should never be over there.
Whatever.
I'll be, yeah, I agree with you.
Because if we're not going to go in there and kill everybody and take all the resources, it's a waste of time.
So they get all, uh, gurgle girl.
They get all tip-top and shit.
All right, man.
Thanks for calling.
Good having you on the show.
Thank you for your service.
You know, Coulter says that too.
She goes, why did we even tell them that oil was a thing?
She goes, we should have just said, we're going to clean your water supply.
Like, they didn't have the resources to build these massive structures that can usurp oil from the sands.
We should have just said, you have this pollutant in your own.
We'll pay you $300 a month to get rid of all of it.
We'll remove the black guck.
That's a good idea.
We got Dave online.
What's up, Dave?
Alfred, Dave.
Am I live?
You are.
Am I for real on?
You're for real on.
You're on real.
David McGuinness and the Fag Zone?
Oh.
Yeah, well, I mean, it's not pronounced perfectly, but that's...
Yeah, you seem to have the general idea.
I got the first part right.
The second part, a little.
David McGainus?
It's not.
It's Gavin McInnes.
Well, he's a veteran.
Let's not correct the man.
Okay.
Maybe just...
It's a little annoying, but okay.
Thanks, Fag Zone.
You know what?
Veterans shouldn't always get away with it.
Go ahead.
Yeah, okay.
I apologize.
Anyways, any Hizzle, I just want to tell you guys about when I was deployed to Afghanistan in 2012, I actually knew a black guy named Jews.
Like, swear to God.
Black guy named Jews.
And he was like, he's what they call.
Wait, his name Was Jews or Junes?
I think Jews.
Yeah, he was seriously a black guy named Jews.
J-E-W-S?
Yes, J-E-W-S.
And he was what they called that guy.
You know, like Gomer Pyle, like in, you know, the guy that's kind of slow, slowing everybody down in the platoon, everything.
He's that kind of guy.
And then there was this funny ass day where this sergeant's like just talking shit to him.
He's like, hey, Jews, why do you talk so fucking slow all the time, man?
You're so slow, man.
Why are you so slow?
And he goes like, Jews, he goes like, I talk so slow because I'm fucking your bomb to brass.
And it is like everybody in the chow hall just started laughing, dude.
Yeah, that's something I wanted to tell you.
Did he not understand reverence to your superiors?
Like, there's certain jokes you can't do to the top brass, right?
Yeah, but when you're deployed, because it's like because it's like we could die, you know, there's just a little less, you could get away with more stuff, you know?
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, it makes sense.
What are they going to do?
Kill you?
You're like, I'm already going to die.
Yeah.
And then your comp, you know, I know you were asking about cigarettes.
Why you always see veterans with cigarettes?
Well, the reason is, is actually because when they're out and about, you know, fighting out the wire and shit, they're always smoking cigarettes to increase that flight or flight high.
You know?
Right.
But in World War II, were they heavily supplied with cigarettes at all times?
Like in Saving Private Ryan, they're nomadic, basically.
They're wandering through farmers' fields the whole movie.
They had them in their rations, in their MREs.
It was before MREs.
Yeah, they had cigarettes in their rations, military rations.
Had cigarettes.
Oh, yeah.
Hamlet unfiltered.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
Thanks for your call, sir.
I don't know.
TYFYS.
Huge mistake.
Yeah, there's this awesome channel.
If you want to just dedicate some of your time to looking up military stuff, there's a cool little stop.
You can see what they ate if you go to this guy's.
I'll pull it up in a second.
We'll take a call.
But he goes through all the military rations, the things that the guys over there eat.
Ryan not only watches this channel of a guy eating MREs.
What does MRE stand for again?
Meals ready to eat.
Meals ready to eat.
But he orders them himself and sits there eating like one cornmeal.
Biggs got me one.
He did the...
Was it Roland Martin and Biggs, right?
That's who did.
Yeah.
So he brought me in two MREs for very tasty.
We have...
Okay, is this Sean?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hey, what's up, Gav?
What's up, Rye Guy?
Hello.
What's up, dude?
Well, I had two different things.
I'll make it quick since it's probably been a long show.
I haven't been able to listen to it.
But my main question is just about, do you think that the states is going to get to a point where we're like a big religion that has a schism, and we're going to just completely divide into two countries?
Yeah.
I think we're headed down South Africa's path.
I think we're going to get into gated communities and civil war.
It looks like we will become a completely racially based country.
Black people vote for the black guy, Hispanics vote for the Hispanic guy, whites vote for the white guy, Asians vote for the Asian guy.
And we'll start becoming tribal.
And as you can see in South Africa right now, they say it's black on white.
That's not what's going on at all.
There's eight tribes, four on four.
Four are socialist, four are with the boars, and one of those four is white, and seven of those tribes is black.
So it's more like a socialism versus anti-socialism thing, but I think we're headed there.
We're headed into a totally segregated society.
And the part that pisses me off is it's based on rhetoric.
It's based on lies.
It's based on this myth of white supremacy.
That's not a thing.
We don't know any white supremacists.
They don't come along.
And Kyle Chapman's full of shit, by the way.
He's a fucking loose canon multiple felon.
People have been asking me about this all day.
He's a wacko.
Kyle Chapman has said he's taking over the Proud Boys.
They're called the Proud Goys.
How did you hear about this?
Through Twitter.
And the guy, he went to Ohio or some fucking place, and then he tried to join a chapter there, and they're like, no.
Maybe Oklahoma.
New York Times called me about it today.
And they said, is it true that Kyle Chapman's taking over the Proud Boys?
They're called the Proud Goys, and they're anti-Zionist and stuff.
He is a fringe weirdo.
He's a nut bar.
And he's done this a few times now, and it's always been like a silly joke.
But the fact that it's getting any legs shows how desperate they fail.
He started a failed military, not military, like the muscle of the Proud Boys side group, and that was just horseshit.
He didn't go anywhere.
Anyway, thanks for calling, sir.
I just want them to suffer.
Please don't beat me up, Kyle, with your stick.
When I meet Kyle in person, he's a great guy.
But when I see all this shit, I think, fuck you.
I don't think I've ever met him.
Really?
Yeah.
Beefy, dude.
All right, we've got to wrap it up soon.
All right, let's see if we can get one more.
Seems weird on Veterans Day to tell veterans to fuck off, but, you know, it's a two-hour show.
Let me see.
This one I'm kind of interested in.
This is not a veteran.
It's about Siri.
BLM, Siri.
Okay.
Can we hit this one real quick?
Bruce.
Hey, how you doing?
Hey, man.
I didn't say Siri, though.
I said theory.
Oh, okay.
BLM Theory.
Well, yeah.
So my general BLM theory is just that I don't think that BLM here in the U.S. is really For the U.S., my theory is that they are ramping up for something pretty big, and I think that the African immigrants moving into Europe are being influenced by the BLM information that they're pushing.
So while it is beneficial to generate a whole bunch of money to give to Biden, I think it's more about getting the people in Europe all worked up.
So whenever the thing does happen, they're ready to go.
And that's why you're seeing BLM riots in Europe that have nothing to do with getting it.
I was talking to Tommy Robinson recently, and he said, for everything I did against Islam and pedophilia, I got a lot of blowback and whatever.
I was arrested.
But he goes, when I went up against BLM, I've never experienced anything like this.
Like, they want to kill my friends, my friends' friends.
He goes, fighting BLM in Britain is a totally different setup.
And I was like, but Britain didn't have slaves.
Like, what the fuck are they talking about?
And this war on blacks in Britain, like, British police don't even have guns.
So what the fuck are you talking about?
And he's like, I don't know what's going on, but they've got a lot of power and a lot of energy.
So there is something fishy going on in Europe with BLM.
It seems like it's...
Yeah, it's very easy to manipulate somebody who isn't very bright.
And the people that come up from Africa, generally speaking, like you said, they're not...
You know, we're probably talking about 90 IQ.
Yeah.
All right.
Good theory, sir.
Good theory.
Thanks for calling.
All right, let's do one more vet, and then I got to go.
I believe this is a veteran.
Zuma Bourbon.
I believe that's the phonetic alphabet.
Hey, man.
Zoomy.
I called you before.
I'm a veteran.
I am a veteran.
Nice.
Yeah, listen, one thing before I talk about bourbon to you is I think the Marines were established in the Continental Congress.
Are you with me?
My understanding is the Muslim pirates, the Berbers, were stealing our women, and we had to create a task force to stop it.
And that was the Marines.
Oh, they invaded Nassau.
It was during the Revolutionary War.
They invaded some armory, British armory, and got weapons for the Revolutionary War.
So they had nothing to do with pirates.
Well, they reestablished.
I think they.
I don't think the United States.
They were originally just establishing the Continental Army.
That's all I know.
Yes, it was obviously pre-America.
We're talking about 250 years ago.
So it was pre-American.
But it was 1775.
It was before the Declaration of Independence.
Yes.
But it was them trying to deal with this.
They were not just stealing white women as sex slaves.
They were stealing white men as slaves.
Oh, I understand that.
Yes.
Yep.
And that's why they call them leathernecks, because the leather around their neck was hopefully to keep them from getting their head lobbed off.
Oh, really?
The Marines would wear leather on their necks to stop getting beheaded?
Yeah, I think that's what the original leather neck was for, was to protect them against that scimitar or whatever the curved blade they used was.
Right, smite E above their necks.
Yeah.
Okay, listen, bourbon.
I know you drank Baker's Mark, and that's a very fine, regular bourbon, but you got enough money.
You could buy some of these.
Eagle Rare makes a 10-year-old that's available all the time.
They make a 17-Eagle Rare 17-year-old that's available sometimes that I have had and is glorious.
The Double Eagle, the 20-year-old, I've never had.
My beer store says they've never even seen it.
They said last time the 17-year-old came around, they got one bottle.
So I don't know.
I think if I had your kind of money, I'd upgrade and drink better quality of bourbon.
Just my opinion.
A Makersmark bottle is $45.
It lasts me two days.
That seems like a lot of money.
You make the premium.
You make a premium.
But is the Eagle Rare sweet?
Every time I get some fancy bourbon, I'm like, it's got this rye, sort of a Jack Daniels kind of a bitterness to it, where the beauty of Makersmark is it's so sweet.
I think you'll find that the sweet nuttiness of bourbon comes from the aging and the more years you get.
Look for the years.
Single barrel and number of years.
I don't know.
Okay, sold.
I promise you I'm getting a bottle of what's it called?
Eagle Eagle Rare 17 year old.
Eagle Rare.
Try that double eagle.
The 10-year-old's available all the time.
The 17-year-old is even more rare.
But the double eagle, I've never had.
My beer store never even heard of it.
I had to look at their website to prove that it existed to them.
So I don't know.
If I had your kind of money, I'd never drink $40 bourbon.
Okay, good to know.
I'm on it.
All right, folks.
That is it.
There she blows.
We are done.
This episode of Veterans Day.
I thought it was really fun.
I like doing an all-calls show.
I obviously like taking vets' calls.
You learn that they're fucking just like the rest of us with the same problems and the same concerns.
I'm a little disappointed in America today for the lack of veterans, anything going on.
I checked Twitter moments, nothing.
Nothing about veterans.
I checked Twitter hashtags, and yes, Veterans Day was the number one trending hashtag, but that's us mortals trending hashtag Veterans Day.
The Twitter topics is what sort of the mainstream left choses, and I guess, chooses, and I guess supporting vets is like supporting Americans.
Supporting Americans, supporting Trump, and that's for Botan.
Well, fuck you.
All right.
Your job sucks, and you get pissed off if it's raining when you walk from the subway to your front door.
These men have died.
How many Americans have died in wars?
We lost 620,000 in the Civil War, 60,000 in Vietnam.
I don't know how many in World War II, probably 40,000.
We've lost hundreds of thousands of men who didn't go there because they philosophically believe this is a good war.
They went there because they decided to defend America and whatever asshole was in charge could send them somewhere.
What does it say?
650,000 in the 20th century?
Yeah, that's nothing.
And then another 620,000 from disease, combat, starvation, civil war.
Civil War.
Wait, what?
How does that matter?
Anyway.
Well, we have to come up with that total now before we leave.
How many Americans have died in battle?
And he's on some fucking Wikipedia.
Let me just look at mine.
Oh, computer.
How many Americans have died in war total?
Here's something I found on reference.com.
During World War I, a total of 116,516 American soldiers were killed.
That is the seventh most deaths of any country that participated in the war.
The United States sent 4,355,000 soldiers to participate in the war, and roughly 7% of them were either killed, injured, or captured.
Okay, so that's not acceptable, computer.
We have the Civil War, 620.
World War II, 400.
So we're at a million now, right?
World War I, 100,000.
Vietnam, 60,000.
So we're at like 1.6 million.
1.6 million men have died for you to make sure you're safe.
Sometimes the war was wrong.
Sometimes the dictums were wrong.
Sometimes the battle was a fucking shit show where they had no backup, but they did it anyway because they believed in the grander scheme of things, the bigger picture.
And the bigger picture is, I love this country and I want you to be safe.
Jesus H. Christ on a crutch.
How about a thank you?
How about a thank you for men who threw their lives into the wind to make sure that you were safe?
Well, I would personally like to say thank you to all the vets who died and all the vets who risked their lives and all the vets alive today who would dare to risk their lives for us.
Jesus, I'm sorry to blaspheme, but I am so thankful that these guys are out there.
Their incredible bravery is unfathomable to me as a fucking pussy, normal person walking the street.
Thank you so much to the American military, to the Western military, to all of these men who defend everything we hold dear.
And I deeply apologize on behalf of my brethren and the people around me for not recognizing what you do.
And I know you fight for them too.
And that makes it even more shocking, even more brave that you fight for people who tell you to fuck off.
Wow.
Thank you.
And to the rest of us, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.