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Sept. 8, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:35:48

S03E10 - TITS V. ASS [2020-09-08 - S03E10 - TITS V. ASS]

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	See that STG bad boy by the way?
	Oh shite, I left a fucking AC on and all.
	That was a little blast from the past.
	Raver culture there from the 90s.
	Gabber and happy hardcore and all that.
	I think Gabber started in the Netherlands, but it really blew up in Scotland, especially Glasgow.
	Over at the arches on a Friday night, by the way, and all.
	Fucking DJ Zitkiss and DJ Gammy.
	Those guys would, so Gabber Techno is like that.
	And sometimes it was just like Happy Hardcore was a little more musical and they'd bring in songs and do mixes.
	I think I have some here, actually.
	Did I?
	Yeah, if you look up IamAraver.co.uk.
	You can hear more of it.
	They'll take like Bruce Springsteen and shit and, you know, whatchamacallit.
	Oh, there they are.
	That's the fucking blokes.
	Wait, I'm doing British now.
	They'll take all these hit songs and add that sort of gabber beat to it, happy hardcore.
	And, you know, raving was big when I was a young man.
	In my book, I don't really cover it because there's not much to say besides we were getting wasted on GHB and MDMA and just dancing with girls and making out with girls on GHB for like an hour that you have no particular interest in.
	It's nothing of consequence to document from that era of my life, but it was fun.
	But in Glasgow, dude, it was over the top.
	They would get off work.
	This is when there was still some manufacturing in Glasgow in the early 90s.
	And they'd work at some like, I don't know, pharmaceutical plant where they're rolling these big barrels of aspirin.
	And they'd bust their ass, as Northwegians are wont to do.
	But they would leave work Friday at 5 p.m., go to the rave, and return Monday at ready for work, having not slept or stopped the entire fucking time.
	That's when you know a town has manufacturing DNA in it.
	And that's what's so sad about Glasgow today.
	But those guys used to go 48 hours.
	Boom.
	Wait, is that more than 48 hours?
	24 48.
	I think it's 72 more like.
	Well, it wasn't 72 because they work on the Friday.
	But anyway.
	And I think it's coming back now.
	So all these guys, DJ Rank, Rankin, Gary McEff, DJ Gammy, they're all starting up again.
	If you go to 1-2, you can see that Happy Hardcore is back.
	I think it's a combination of old-timers like me.
	That's the guy we just heard.
	DJ Bad Boy, by the way, come by my hoos.
	I'm a lightweight.
	Everybody knows.
	DJ fucking bad boy here.
	Steaming of Shite.
	Steaming of Shite.
	Steaming means wasted.
	I was meant to be going to dust 20 minutes ago.
	Then I heard, DJ Bad Boyd's football.
	Get me there.
	Yeah, it's like a staple grown up in Scotland.
	Weird seeing a hot Glaswegian woman, no offense.
	Glasgow.
	I believe Lamoti joined the event, which brings back the nostalgia and the pain.
	We've got a fun show for you today.
	We've got Ryan Long on.
	We'll be talking about him, to him, and of him, and getting good at it, if you will.
	And being good at it, if you will.
	That was good.
	That was a test, Ryan.
	Thank you.
	You passed.
	Today's post, Madness.
	Thanks a lot, white people.
	Six-year-old mom among five victims in Jover shootings, which is a Haitian festival in Brooklyn that inevitably leads to death.
	It rivals the Caribbean parade and the Puerto Rican Day parade.
	And why are there so many deaths and rape?
	Well, Puerto Rican Day Parade is more rape.
	But why are there so many deaths at these African and Caribbean festivals?
	Because of systemic white racism.
	This six-year-old is crying because of lack of after-school programs and organic food.
	In other words, you.
	It's your fault and also you support this system.
	It's not enough to be not racist.
	You have to be anti-racist.
	There's a difference.
	So that means when you're anti-racist, you go to, you want to defund the police and you want to make sure that six-year-old black kids don't get shot by other black people because of the lack of opportunities.
	Like, what if the guy who shot this six-year-old had an opportunity to go to law school?
	What if we had a New York?
	This is totally hypothetical, where you could go to school.
	And if you went to any public school in New York or any of the boroughs and you got like a 65.
	So in other words, you went to the majority of classes, but barely.
	And what if that person who graduates with a C minus average, right?
	An underachiever.
	What if that person could then get a scholarship to a community college, which is only $3,000 anyway?
	And then he could easily get a job, a trade, anything, and be making in a city like New York, after a couple years of apprenticeship, be making a good 80K a year.
	If you want to get really ambitious and be an electrical engineer or do some sort of forensic accounting or be a plumber, that might take you more than five years sort of in the lower rungs, which is the same for doctors.
	Doctors and surgeons.
	But if you were to do all that, you're looking at 80K a year, which isn't a ton in the Upper West Side, but it's a fuck ton in the Bronx where you're from.
	The why of things.
	Okay, don't get over ambitious now.
	Okay.
	What if I could create a New York City like that for you?
	Would you be happy?
	Would this stop?
	I did create that in New York.
	It is there.
	It's a fucking breeze to get a scholarship to community college.
	My neighbor, remember when I first moved to the burbs, my neighbor goes, We're having a charity run, bike ride.
	We're going from Manhattan to the suburbs to raise money for kids so they can go to college.
	And I go, community college is three grand and it's a fucking cinch to get a scholarship.
	Once again, you don't know blacks.
	You don't know these areas.
	You don't interact with them.
	You just see this 1950s version of the world.
	So we'll get to that actually later on the show.
	Today's book of the day is Rats by Robert Sullivan.
	What I love about this book is he said goodbye to his family.
	And every night, I'm going to have to buy a bookstand.
	Every night around 8 p.m., he would leave and go to the area where they seem to be the most prevalent, which is in lower Manhattan here, Wall Street, Chinatown.
	They love Chinese food.
	And Chinese people are not great at taking care of their garbage.
	And I think they eat rats.
	I have evidence of that, by the way.
	He stayed up all night and just monitored rats.
	He became a rat expert.
	This is what writers should do.
	This is what artists should do.
	I don't have time to do that.
	I'm busy.
	The plumber I just talked about, who's making 80K a year, he doesn't have time either.
	So we want you to go and do all that work and then impart to us.
	That's what makes human beings special.
	That's why we're better than monkeys.
	Because we have memes.
	And I don't mean the present version of the word memes.
	I mean the dictionary definition of memes, which is the ability to pass on stories.
	We pass on our genes, but we also pass on our memes.
	And that's telling stories.
	Hey, I checked out all these rats.
	It took me months.
	Here's what happened.
	Now I have that experience by proxy.
	A monkey just goes, ooh, ooh, ah, after it gets attacked by a tiger.
	We go, hey, you know the giant cats with the stripes?
	Stay away.
	Now you have my experience.
	That's why we're the superior species.
	That's why we should read books like this.
	And that's why artists should do shit like this, which brings me to my beef from yesterday's show.
	I was thinking about this.
	Tim Poole, he thinks like a chick.
	And he goes, I'm so sick of hearing about Soros.
	Do you do it, Tim Poole?
	I'm sick of hearing about Soros, man.
	I mean, the other day, Joe Biden, I mean, he's heading for, you know, the left looking like they're in trouble, man.
	They've got to put a B on B Real.
	I was just going to say that.
	You need the B. Yeah, I need the B. You should shave a bald spot and then do the B. I need that.
	And that's how chicks think.
	They go, you know, we're a nation of immigrants.
	We should let more people in.
	We should spend more.
	Children are our greatest asset.
	We should spend more on education.
	Okay.
	How much are we spending on education?
	How many immigrants are there?
	Like, the numbers matter, ladies.
	And that includes you, Tim.
	So he goes, you know, they have Soros.
	We have Peter Thiel.
	Both sides have millionaires.
	Oh, okay.
	So that's the end of the discussion because some people have money and other people have money.
	Ergo, there's no left-wing bias.
	There's no massive influence with donors in politics.
	Dude, the Koch brothers are irrelevant.
	Peter Thiel doesn't influence elections.
	Barely, barely.
	They influence elections.
	They have the media.
	So what you do as a journalist, just like the Ratsman, is you go look it up.
	Like it's okay to sit there and pontificate with your beanie on if you're Pap Buchanan.
	Because the guy, for example, for the book The Unnecessary War about World War II, he read something like 70 books just to do research for that book, which is like a fucking compendium of incredible information.
	So some old geezer like that can sit there and just shoot the shit to me.
	Ann Coulter can.
	Christopher Hitchens could.
	But when you're a little kid, I don't care about your fucking opinion.
	You have to look it up, do the work.
	That's what journalists do.
	They knock on doors.
	They make phone calls.
	So Jim Goad is the opposite of this.
	And he does his research.
	And he's done extensive research on this concept of our side influencing elections and media just like theirs does.
	And it's not even.
	For example, here's an old article he did in 2011 about the Koch brothers getting Scott Walker elected.
	They're being blamed for buying the recent Wisconsin governor's election.
	He's talking about the Koch brothers.
	Although, if you were suddenly compelled to do something insane, such as look at the actual numbers, I'm underlining my own notes, which go in the garbage immediately after the show.
	You'd find three unions who each kicked down more cash to the Democratic candidate than the Cokes gave to Scott Walker.
	You might even learn that all Wisconsin unions and public workers welded together their angry oppressed fists to outspend the Cokes by a factor of at least 20 to 1.
	This is not an unusual case.
	And that as a quotient of total Republican domination, donations, dominations, very difficult donation, the Coke's contribution to Skywalker's campaign amounts to less than half a percent.
	And then he did a much more extensive article many years later, that's one for where if you want to follow the money, you got to turn left.
	Oh, this is the same year.
	Despite a 2006 study of Fortune 500 companies that showed America's wealthiest 100 corporations donated 59 million to leftist causes and a paltry 4 million to the political right, 4 to 59 isn't just some are like this and some are like that.
	That's how you talk when you're a teenager.
	Yeah, there's Antifa, but there's also the KKK.
	Remember that dude at the bar?
	He's a fucking teacher in the Bronx charter school, so it's pretty easy because everyone there is determined to win.
	And I go, you know, they have goons showing up at these rallies, these Antifa goons, attacking their political opponents.
	They just did it recently attacking Rand Paul on his way back from a GOP convention, whatever, talk.
	And he goes, well, the left has that too.
	They have got their goons.
	I assume he's going to say Proud Boys.
	And I go, oh, really?
	Who?
	And he goes, the KKK.
	What the hell are you talking about?
	The KKK goes to DNC rallies with their giant burning torches and their horses.
	And they intimidate.
	What the f- sometimes the complaints will be false.
	He's lips looked out of sync.
	Sometimes the complaints will be false.
	A little bit.
	Is that just maybe my monitor?
	Maybe.
	It seems a little stuttery.
	Despite a 2006 study of Fortune 500.
	Wait, did I already read this yet?
	Yeah, 59 million to leftist causes.
	So Kevin Williamson over at National Review, who I'm not a fan of, he's a never-Trumper.
	He shits on Proud Boys and all kinds of stuff.
	And I've met him a couple of times.
	His breath could melt molten steel.
	No, steel.
	It could turn steel into molten lava.
	It could turn molten steel into regular steel.
	It could make molten steel be more molten.
	It could burn molten steel.
	It could evaporate.
	It could turn molten steel to steam.
	What's that called?
	Sublimation?
	It could sublimate molten lava.
	Oof.
	By the way, that's one of the good things about these masks.
	You realize if you have bad breath, and I'm one of them.
	I was walking around the other day going, someone here has really bad breath, and it's making me barf.
	Who's been farting since I put this on?
	Did someone fart in my mask?
	So I've been using Listerine now.
	And I got laid twice in the week, which for a married man with three kids is like being at a fucking crystal meth circuit party.
	I was going to say orgy.
	All right, so Kevin says he sums it up.
	Why?
	Because he goes more than just the fact that there's donations from billionaires like Soros.
	He gets into the actual donations from corporations.
	conservatives are cheap dates.
	You do not have to convince the readers of National Review or Republicans in Val Paraisio that American business is in general a force for good in the world.
	But if you are, e.g.
	Exxon, you might feel the need to convince certain people, young and idealistic, and maybe a little stupid in spite of their expensive educations, that you are not so bad after all, and that you are spending mucho schmundo turning algae into biofuel,
	in the words of an Exxon advertisement, and combating malaria and doing other nice things.
	All of that is true, and Exxon makes sure you people know it.
	The professional activists may sneer and scoff, but they are not the audience.
	This is all me correcting Tim Poole's rant, by the way.
	1.6.
	A recent Capital Research Center analysis of charitable donations showed that donations by the left to Fortune 500 foundations totaled $59 million compared to $4 million to the right.
	These are Fortune 500 foundations, very difficult foundations, not corporations.
	They're up to no good.
	Again, we're seeing the same kind of ratio we saw before, right?
	So the donations to these woke foundations is $59 million left, $4 million right.
	And before, the numbers were very similar, right?
	They were...
	Come on, Gav.
	It was 20 to 1 with the unions and the Koch brothers.
	Oh, and then with the oh, it's the same stat I'm reading.
	Yeah, that sounded familiar.
	Yeah, yeah, the same one.
	Sorry.
	It's like, we're seeing a pattern here as I repeat the same stat twice.
	Noticing this number every time I repeat that number?
	One out of one times.
	It's the truth.
	Look at all the different people that are doing this.
	Why?
	There's the Koch brothers, Soros, there's Soros and the Koch brothers.
	And then finally, of course, as we know, the left owns the media.
	So it's not six and one, half a dozen or the other.
	Just 7% of journalists are Republicans.
	Holy shit.
	Also on yesterday's show, we had Jessica Krug, who is a white woman that I would have dated back in high school, kind of a quirky Jew.
	And she became a, I think she went black first.
	And then they go, wow, are you an albino?
	And she's like, oh, yeah, I know I look white.
	That's because I'm Hispanic, Afro-Hispanic.
	And that throws in the whole Caribbean slave trade, Aztecs.
	It gets pretty ambiguous there.
	I'm sure there was even some Jews.
	So it gave her a better hiding spot.
	So then she was like from the Bronx, but she's from Kansas, suburban white Kansas.
	So then she had the thing about her accent is it goes from like fucking Cardi B and shit to just a normal accent as she focuses more on her point.
	But in that footage we showed yesterday, 1-8, we didn't show the very beginning where her accent is even thicker.
	This is 1-8.
	I gotta.
	Wait, was that 1-8 you're looking at now?
	Yeah, I could get the original.
	It's when she talks about indigenous New Yorkers.
	Yeah, there we go.
	Yeah.
	I'm Jessa Bombalera.
	I'm here in El Barrio.
	Now, I'm not a Puerto Rican like you.
	Does anyone say the barrio?
	No.
	That's like a 70s Puerto Rican thing to call the suburbs.
	You could say Jessica if you're Puerto Rican.
	She just fails.
	So like Jessam Bombera.
	No, no, no.
	She calls herself, it's a new name.
	Jess La Bombera.
	I think Bomberta is a firefighter.
	Oh, okay.
	So she's given herself a cool name.
	I'm Jessa Bombalera.
	I'm here in Nerbario, East Harlem.
	You probably know this neighborhood because the Hosanna Melizamarc Piverrito, who used to be the speaker of your city council, sold my fucking neighborhood to developers and gentrifies.
	So I got a couple of things to say.
	And when y'all...
	No, they need to hear that.
	From Nabario?
	I'm Jessa Bombalera.
	I'm here in Nbarrio, East Harlem.
	You probably know this neighborhood.
	That's insulting.
	Because the Hosanna Melissa.
	What accent is that?
	I'm offended.
	She's kind of going black.
	Who used to be the speaker of your city council, sold my fucking neighborhood to developers and gentrifies.
	So I got a couple of things to say.
	And when y'all know, she goes white.
	Tell me my time.
	From Nebatio?
	That is very embarrassing.
	And it's insulting that she thinks that Puerto Ricans couldn't just not curse that much in a meeting.
	She tells them, like, fuck out of here with that shit.
	Yeah, I know.
	When Cardi B spoke to Joe Biden, she managed to keep it clean.
	Although she's Dominican, right?
	What's the, you got your own Jessica Krug research?
	So didn't you say a guy was her student and she kept shitting on him for being a piece of white shit?
	Yeah, he wrote a whole article about how he's half black, but she was like, how many protests have you been to?
	And he's like, none.
	She's in the studio.
	You ain't black enough.
	He's a little blacker than you.
	And he liked Bob Dylan.
	He's like, well, he talked about protesting and uprising and stuff like that.
	She's like, nah, he's white and stuff.
	You got to listen to Migos and some other things.
	It's a great article.
	Oh, put it up.
	Okay, here we go.
	Yeah, actually, funniest thought is, true stories.
	It's my dad and press.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	The guy that recognized us on the street that one time, I don't know if you remember, it was a while ago, but there was a couple.
	He's kept in touch and he sent me this.
	So he's still watching the show.
	Yeah, he wrote this article here in Counter magazine or something.
	Jessica Krug, the fake black professor, once questioned my blackness.
	Look at her.
	Go back up.
	Let me see her.
	I mean, I guess because she's putting it all on her nose?
	Yeah.
	All her money's on her nose.
	Because we've seen black, straightened hair, and it's never that sort of full.
	Look at the hoop earrings, too.
	Like, to make an afro go straight, you got to fucking fry it to jet.
	So then it's just like, pss, like singed to shreds.
	It never has that sort of curly, Jewish body to it.
	Look at the hoop earrings are insulting.
	The hoop earrings are hula hoop earrings.
	In 2016, Dylan did not deserve the prize.
	I posted a comment disagreeing with him, doubting Dylan's out of the blue.
	I was verbally attacked by someone With a peculiar Facebook name, Jesla Bombalera, who we just heard from.
	She claimed that Dylan was an old, irrelevant white man who had nothing to do with the modern-day protests in the streets.
	She told me that the kids protesting in the streets weren't playing Dylan, but future and amigos, who were more relevant to the protest.
	Don't amigos just sing about like Taco Tuesday and shit?
	Yeah.
	My dick, my dick.
	Migos just sing about their dicks, eating tacos, fucking chicks, and getting high.
	Yep.
	That's more the streets, yo.
	There's a couple of other notable things in here.
	Like Jess Lovenberre took this opportunity to attack me personally.
	I wasn't a real revolutionary person, a person of color.
	He said that his dad was from Jamaica and his mom was an anti-apartheid activist from South Africa.
	She then attributed my respect for Dylan to my whiteness and questioned my white mother's motives fighting apartheid.
	That's awesome.
	Isn't that awesome?
	That sums up so much of this shit.
	It's always deflection.
	Every time they're accusing you of something, it's because they do it.
	So she's sitting there doing exactly what she's accusing that man's mother of doing, which is just showboating for virtue signaling.
	Wait, what was that Twitter thing you had up, a montage of her?
	Oh, it's just a little clip of her being very white.
	Politics of New York City has done for many, many years.
	Aren't you from the part of the story that gets emphasized in different ways is that he was an explorer, right?
	Which is a program that the NYPD has to bring youth in to eventually work for them.
	And so when I think about this politics of silence that I'm talking about in the archives, right, and how silence can be a really radical presence historically, I think it's a radical presence today.
	When people talk about snitches get stitches, right?
	Or when we think about a history of anti-apartheid struggle in South Africa and necklacing, right, and that kind of violence towards people who are collaborating.
	There's a lot to unpack here.
	So she's talking about the Trinitarios who murdered that kid in a bodega.
	And she's saying they murdered him because he's a snitch and that's their culture.
	And they have to do that.
	That's how they maintain order like a gang.
	First of all, that's not a good thing.
	Like the mob and bikers and MS-13 murdering what you call snitches and informants, that's not a defense.
	But minor detail, bitch, he wasn't a snitch.
	He was a nice kid who eventually wanted to become a cop.
	So he was in their rookie program where you go and you do volunteer thing.
	The military's equivalent is the cadets, where you go and you shine your boots and you do little drills.
	And it's basically plain army man.
	They were playing cop.
	Nothing to do with the Trinitarios.
	That kid was murdered, you lazy bitch, because they thought he fucked a Trinitarios girlfriend and filmed it.
	But he looked like the guy who did that.
	He didn't do that.
	So it had fuck all to do with snitching and everything to do with killing the wrong guy for some bullshit jealous rumor.
	Secondly, the necklacing was done by Winnie Mandela, wife of terrorist Nelson Mandela, to terrorize locals, various tribes in South Africa, and accrue more power.
	It had fuck all to do with snitching.
	Who are they snitching to?
	Winnie Mandela was the powers that be.
	She was the gangster.
	She was the El Chapel of South Africa.
	She was necklacing her enemies.
	Anyone who disparaged her, she was a fucking fascist.
	She was a Nazi terrorist cunt.
	You know what necklacing is, right?
	You told me not to Google it.
	You put it, don't Google it, please don't Google it.
	You take an empty tire, car tire, put it around your enemy's neck, fill it with gas, light the gas on fire, you tie them up so they can't get it off, and then the hot tar melts, hot rubber, I mean, melts all over you and you dive third-degree burns.
	Who are working against their communities?
	We have to consider a radical moment in 2018 in which people are using machetes to hack apart a 15-year-old boy who's working with the police.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	Did she just say it's a necessary evil to maintain the community standards or some shit?
	Because he's working against their community because he's trying to be a police officer.
	We just guessed that.
	Yeah.
	He's not an informant?
	Right.
	He's like, it's like Paw Patrol.
	Yeah.
	Kind of violence towards people who are collaborating, who are working against their communities.
	We have to consider a radical moment in 2018 in which people are using machetes to hack apart a 15-year-old boy who's working with the police.
	The way the story about his innocence and the inherent violence of the people who hack him apart become the narrative of innocence is the story of people.
	And it's so much more difficult to understand what kind of freedom we achieve by being willing to confront those within the community who are working against the interests of the community as a whole and the future.
	So I will end there.
	Thank you for listening.
	What an absolute sociopath.
	I heard an applause starting right at the end of that clip.
	That's terrifying.
	Do you know what I always want to see with these things?
	Let's see the person you're talking about.
	Let's see his family.
	That's a great point, Jessica, about how they had to hack him to death because he was working with police.
	Can you just say that in front of his mother, please, and his family?
	Or, you know, when they call John Kinsman's wife, they go, he's a Nazis.
	He's in a hate group.
	Really?
	His wife and kids are black.
	Yeah, she's a bed wench.
	Okay.
	Can you say it in front of her?
	She's right over there.
	Can you tell her that she's just a slave, a fuckbag for John?
	She's a bed wench.
	She's human garbage.
	Can you just...
	Also, you may want to say it in front of the kids, too.
	Say it to her, but her kids will be an extra.
	Can you do that?
	Or the Central Park Five, which Ann Coulter watches MSNBC like non-stop, and I hadn't seen it before.
	I don't really watch it.
	And they had a big interview with one of the Central Park Five, you know what they called him?
	One of the Exonerated five.
	Okay, while you're talking to the exonerated five, can you bring out the woman who's still alive from the Central Park Five who had to rebuild her brain?
	And she goes on tours with neurosurgeons where she discusses how discusses how the brain can slowly repair itself and how there is hope.
	There she is.
	She was raped literally within an inch of her life.
	She was raped and beaten so severely that the police just started investigating a homicide.
	When they saw the buckets of blood around her, they went, oh, well, she's dead.
	So let's find out who killed her.
	And then she starts gurgling blood.
	What the fuck?
	So can we have her on with the exonerated five, please?
	If nobody snitched, they wouldn't have been in trouble in the first place.
	To be fair.
	Yeah.
	They're just trying to help their community.
	How are we doing for time?
	How long have we been chatting for?
	I did a hand signal.
	I've got some random shit here.
	Did you know there's Coke merchandise?
	No.
	Oh, yeah.
	Of course, like sure.
	Coke is a...
	No, no, no, no.
	Oh.
	Shit for doing Coke.
	Oh.
	Now they pretend it's for snuff, but like cocaine is a vice.
	And I never got, like, people who buy a carton of cigarettes, they're committing to, I'm going to be smoking for a long time.
	That's why whenever I buy a bottle of makers, I get the little one because I'm like, I'm probably going to be slowing down a bit.
	Now, if I was economical, I'd buy that fucking gigantic Thor hammer.
	But let me see it.
	Why aren't you showing it?
	So they're selling two things.
	One is like a credit card, right, that you use to cut up your Coke.
	But that also has a little bump stick on it.
	Go back.
	You see the little thing that protrudes?
	Perfect.
	That's two things you can do bumps off of.
	And is that a line?
	That divot right there?
	That little that you can put a little line in there?
	So you have two cards.
	One card puts the Coke in there.
	So there's two ways to do Coke, according to these guys.
	You can do little toots magoots.
	Or you can do lines, but they also have trays.
	Look at this.
	Here's a nice tray.
	And you can cut out your lines.
	It lights up.
	So you can see your lines perfectly.
	Dude, you're really committing to this vice.
	It's a fusion board.
	Yeah, like you're basically saying, I'm going to be doing Coke for 10 years.
	There's a nice black one.
	How do you explain that when your kids find that?
	Dad, what's this glow-in-the-dark line box with the wonky credit cards?
	Here, pull out a bit.
	Look at the black keys.
	Oh, the keys.
	Oh, they have plastic keys because, oh, you know.
	Because you keep losing your keys when you use your own keys, right?
	But there's a cool black one.
	Keep going down a black board.
	You know?
	It's like a black cocaine board.
	Well, I guess the one you see there, wait, the one shining on the left next to the blue one.
	Yeah, I guess that might be like dark black.
	Yeah, it seems to be pretty big, too.
	Oh, here's gold, next to a hand.
	It's a lot of cocaine.
	Oh, dude.
	Yeah, that's serious biz.
	Also in the news.
	I definitely don't want one of those.
	I saw the movie.
	Oh, my kids made me watch Bill and Ted.
	Oh, cool.
	How was it?
	Sucks so much shit.
	Oh, man.
	Oh, my God.
	The acting, it's about Bill and Ted's daughters.
	And guess how Bill's daughter walks around, dude?
	Totally, man.
	It's politically correct.
	It's all about chicks being empowered.
	And again, every time they empower chicks, they make them into dudes.
	So now these girls are just like fucking dudes, man.
	Here's a real idea for you.
	Be role models to your daughter.
	Get real jobs.
	We've spent our whole life trying to rename the world.
	And I'm tired, dude.
	Ted, we have a destiny.
	I'm tired of this acting career.
	Kristen Shawl is so shockingly hideous.
	I mean, I commend...
	Isn't it proof that we live in a feminist society when, oh, they're about to show her.
	Okay.
	When someone like that can have a career, you're welcome.
	You're a movie star and you're a two.
	When your wife suggested couples, that's what they had in mind.
	Remember in that, what's it called?
	Sky Street, Hijack Street, 21 Jump Street?
	Uh-oh, in the sequel, Seth, what's his name, is chasing her.
	And she, because she's a bad guy, and she keeps stopping going, are we doing this?
	Are we fucking?
	He's like, what?
	No, I'm arresting you.
	And then she keeps running.
	She is very funny.
	She was one of the funniest scenes in a movie I've ever seen.
	Should I find it?
	Let me find it.
	Yeah, see if we can find it.
	See, was it 21 Jumpstreet?
	It was such a random thing to do in a chase scene.
	All of a sudden, have one woman say, are we doing this?
	He's like, what?
	No.
	You probably have to find her name.
	Yeah.
	And while you do that, I'd like to take a side note here to talk about this obsession we have with women being part of the story.
	Women aren't in enough of our stories, right?
	So let's do Bill and Ted, but make women in it.
	Women are not story types.
	Like, you know why there's not a female Paul Revere?
	Because the females in Paul Revere's life were making him with their vaginas, right?
	Raising him, shaping him, helping him be brave, providing him with the security to become a successful soldier and brave man, being there for the father as he helps.
	So the problem with you saying that women have to be in all stories implies that stories are the be-all and end-all.
	I went to some dumb feminist seminar for a lark a few years ago, and they were talking about how women are only in like 4% of action movies.
	Yeah, they're in about 4% of fights in the world.
	That's not their bag.
	And it trivializes what their real role is, which is creating the men in these stories and shaping their lives, shaping their homes, providing the foundation.
	It's like, why are we always talking about humans and God isn't in any stories?
	God is in 3% of Movies, he's the one who created the universe.
	And you go, Yeah, it's because he created the universe.
	It's kind of a given.
	It's like God at the top, gotcha.
	Then we're down here doing a little silly stories.
	Pew, pew, pew, pew.
	So it's fucking lame.
	What are you looking at?
	This actually isn't.
	It says chasing and it's at the end of the movie.
	I found it by searching her, but no.
	My kid.
	I remember they're going through the dorms.
	This looks like a car scene.
	Yep.
	Dang it.
	Her name is Jill Jillian Bell.
	Jillian Bell.
	Women tend not to be funny, but some of my favorite funny broads, funny people are women.
	Women don't tend to be good writers, but some of my favorite writers are women.
	It's called counterintuitive thinking.
	Okay, let's give up on that.
	You're never going to find it.
	Yep.
	Plus, it's kind of X-rated, so it's not going to be on YouTube.
	Are we doing this now?
	Are we fucking?
	So don't watch Bill and Ted's.
	It reeks.
	Oh, man.
	I have to.
	Well, you're returning.
	Hey, wait, that might be it.
	This is the.
	This is Old Man River.
	Come on.
	Get up and hit me, you fucking pussy.
	I'm not going to fight a girl, so just stop.
	Shouldn't matter.
	Unless you're going to fuck me.
	I'm not going to fuck you.
	We can fuck you.
	No, we're not.
	Is that what's happening?
	I'm not going to fuck you.
	Ever.
	Wait, go back.
	You went too far ahead.
	Are you kidding me?
	It's plastic.
	Doesn't even hurt.
	This isn't a dream.
	Somebody's moving in my face.
	Don't fuck off me unless you're gonna fuck me.
	I'm not gonna fuck you.
	I gotta watch this.
	Wait, keep going.
	Okay, okay.
	It's cool that they chose her, too, to be this major, you know, coke mogul murderer criminal.
	Choke me with your liver-spotted hands?
	You know, push me over with your walker?
	I'm impressed you caught up to me.
	You probably haven't run that fast since you played stickball in the field behind old pop Wiggleby's sweet shop.
	Freaky, bitch.
	Thank God.
	Look who got off the motherfucking leash.
	Now who's the damn zone of distress?
	Well, I guess it's him.
	I'm gonna have a clean shot, Schmidt.
	Then don't take the shot.
	Maybe I want to take a dirty shot.
	Kind of like the dirty shot you took on my daughter.
	Can take a dirty shot.
	That happens with Kumi all the time.
	They'll watch some like old honeymoon or something, and then you'll notice that he's just sort of zoning it out.
	We're just watching.
	Wait a minute.
	Oh, I'm at work.
	Yeah, see if you can look up Hard Kill.
	Because it really is.
	I wouldn't recommend watching it alone, but if you're smoking dubs with your pals and you want to see a piece of fucking garbage, this was shot in 10 days.
	It's this weird Iranian dude who always works with Bruce Willis these days.
	Wait.
	Derek Miller, Red Abornia.
	Impressive stuff.
	Just doing my duty.
	Spoken like a true soldier.
	Pause.
	Can't you just see the script in what's it called?
	Final draft?
	You can see like whatever Willis's name is in the middle there.
	And then the whole movie, I was just seeing the script page after page.
	I could almost see it like subtitles.
	And what drives me nuts about that scene is he's like, just doing my duty, spoken like a true soldier.
	So you saw some action, he says to Bruce Willis, and Bruce Willis is like, yeah.
	And then he says, Mogadishu.
	He pronounces Mogadishu wrong, like Mogadishu.
	And then Bruce Willis goes, Mogadishu, Somalia, Afghanistan.
	And I'm like, wait a minute.
	Mogadishu is the capital of Somalia.
	You went to, I've been to New York City and New York State, if you can believe that.
	Stupid.
	And here's the other thing infuriating, and this infuriates me about a lot of movies, about these low-budget action things.
	The dumb bitch stylist who probably blew her way into the job just buys new clothes for everyone.
	Everyone is wearing brand new clothes.
	These are mercenaries fighting some other terrorist who's going to take down the world.
	And everyone just got their shirt that afternoon.
	It's like they live at Walmart.
	Hey, look at that.
	It looks so stupid.
	He looks like a mannequin.
	Hey, stylist, you should have a warehouse rented with just like go to a second-hand store and buy like 900 dirty dress shirts.
	Hey, play the whole trailer.
	I almost paused it and said, we're going to rent this as a movie.
	Okay, so this guy's called The Pardoner, but the acting is so bad and lazy, and the director, I guess, doesn't speak English.
	So he forgives everyone who calls him the partner.
	P-A-R-E-R.
	Partner.
	The partner.
	Partner.
	You mean the pardoner?
	And what a stupid name, the pardoner.
	See, he annoyed me the most.
	He's the kind of guy who says Saturday Live and the President of the United States.
	President of the United States, downtown.
	It almost sounds like he's saying partner, but just weird.
	Yeah.
	With like a little skip in there.
	Last week, partner stole a piece of technology.
	Partner.
	This is how we change the world.
	I need you and your team on this one.
	Hey.
	We do my way.
	Oh, that scene was so cornball.
	All right.
	Look at his new sweatshirt and the new t-shirt.
	And that guy's at a dirty dive bar and he's an ex-marine.
	Look at his hat.
	He's owned it for one hour.
	And he's supposed to be a schlub, right?
	And she's in the bar too.
	She goes, I'll get a bottle of beer, please.
	A bottle?
	What kind of beer?
	No one says a beer.
	Can I get two beers?
	Okay, we have 37 different types of beers.
	What the f?
	What was that?
	If you want to survive, we're going to have to work.
	What the f?
	He's got someone's Zuba pants around his neck.
	Together.
	It's got a sarong.
	Who knew what?
	Is that the loosest?
	The loosest turban.
	This whole movie's in this shitty warehouse.
	The budget must have been 90% Bruce Willis's salary.
	He's using my daughter to get to me.
	You know, you watch a Liam Neeson movie with, I got a very...
	What does he say?
	I've got a very particular set of skills.
	Very particular.
	My daughter.
	And you're like, get his fucking daughter.
	This movie, you're just like, why don't you just kill the bitch and we can all go home?
	Like, you feel nothing for that.
	Just go in, my little girl.
	Let's do this.
	Hoorah.
	I never even noticed that.
	That's their thing.
	Hoorah.
	By the way, the guys that they're...
	So there's four of them.
	The Pardoners team is, I would say, approximately 200 people.
	All dead.
	One by one.
	I mean, the trailer's too long.
	And when I say too long, I mean you're all bored watching this trailer.
	Imagine I watched the entire movie.
	I can't get over the clothes.
	How pristine they are.
	We had one stylist.
	He was a gay man who did Jaws and many others.
	And you can't...
	Like, go back and look at movies like Rosemary's Baby or Oh God.
	I don't know why I was about to write those down.
	Or Jaws.
	And everyone just looks amazing.
	Like, Anthony Kumia had that Mayor's Blazer made with the little things on it.
	But dude, look at the trailer for Rosemary's Baby.
	Like, the clothes that Cassavettes wore were just perfect.
	If I was to start a clothing line, I would just rip off.
	I just watch Rosemary's Baby and tell my gay designers just to draw everything they're wearing.
	And it was so believable, too.
	Young, new couple, Upper West Side, New York City, 60s.
	Taxi driver, too.
	Taxi driver.
	I just saw that.
	Fucking amazing outfit.
	A lot of grit.
	These 70s trailers, they go on for days.
	Is this a trailer?
	They just take a clip.
	Interesting.
	Mia Farrell.
	How did...
	Why was everyone in love with her?
	Frank Sinatra made Woody Allen's son with her.
	Ronan Farrow.
	Who looks exactly like that?
	Exactly.
	Oh, I mean, that and Frank Sinatra.
	I just blew the story that that's his mother.
	Of course it's his mother, dumbass.
	Wait, this trailer sucks.
	I'm lost.
	All right.
	Fuck you.
	I'm number 60s.
	No, just go Google image Cassavetes, C-A-S-S, E-V-E-T-E-S, Rosemary's Baby.
	Satan fucks her in that movie.
	Satan fucking spreads her wings.
	Satan fucks her in that movie.
	Oh, Lord, yeah.
	Evil child.
	Look how good Cassavetes looks in this film.
	Cute little suit.
	Nice little sweatshirt, champion sweatshirt.
	You were talking to me about the Harrington.
	Do you like the Harrington because of the classic people that wore it?
	Like the Steve McQueen and stuff like that?
	Yeah, but the Harrington was popular before Steve McQueen put it on.
	But yeah, he popularized it.
	But that's a mod coat.
	Oh, gotcha, gotcha.
	Look at that blue suit just above.
	Yeah, that is class.
	Look at his PJs.
	I want to fuck him in his PJs with my heels on.
	I have the same PJs, but blue.
	I have those same PJs, but care.
	Yeah.
	I understand.
	No, I should have said I have that same care, but don't.
	All right.
	That's enough bullshit.
	Let's get serious here.
	Oh, by the, real quick, did you ever see this where for Bill and Ted, his daughter says her pronouns before the interview starts?
	And is here with us today, man.
	The other half.
	The other half, man.
	I mean, another emotional.
	Give it up to Bridget Lundy Payne, ladies and gentlemen.
	And just to have something that I use they them pronouns.
	Is that right?
	Well done.
	Just screeching halt.
	She's the worst bullish shit.
	She does this herky-jerky thing that is so fucking distracting.
	Ugh.
	Bridget Lundy Payne.
	What a shit name.
	Also in the news, do you still have this Joe Rogan crying?
	I might.
	I might have it clipped.
	Do you want the full context?
	Well, first, let's hear that.
	We have a new video drop.
	I still like Joe, by the way.
	Well, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt with banning my interview on Spotify.
	But the guy's never really crossed me.
	He's just got a little scared.
	So in this, he's recounting stories.
	I would make fun of him this if it was my brother.
	Yeah.
	No, this is.
	So he's talking about Chadwick Boseman dying.
	What?
	Oh, wait, that's a different one.
	Who cares?
	First, this is the...
	Oh, this is seeing a couple wins.
	But the Chadwick Boseman thing, like, what's with all the mourning in the streets?
	The guy from Avengers and like the Jackie Robinson movie?
	Were you guys dating?
	Are you going to be like this when Thanos dies?
	Who fucking cares?
	Like, he was in, what, two or three movies?
	Yeah.
	It's like...
	And plus, dying of somebody snapping their fingers a pretty nice way to go.
	That's a Thanos joke.
	He was just so incredible.
	Brilliant happened to you and how you'll grow from them.
	Just his perspective.
	He was just such a brilliant guy.
	It sucks so hard that some assholes live forever.
	Never heard that one before.
	Cool people die young, and he was one of them.
	I put on Instagram.
	I put on my Instagram a video of him doing the Wing Chung, you know, getting ready for the Black Panther movie.
	Those headphones have got to go.
	Oh, yeah, they still forbid you to wear them.
	I use mine low profile.
	It looks like earrings from the movie The Fifth Element.
	Great.
	All right, That's hard to argue.
	A person that it was inspirational for so many.
	Have you ever seen that video where the Avengers movie?
	I'll really tear up if I talk about this.
	You mean the superhero movie for little kids?
	Do you cry when you watch Superman too?
	Did you see the movie where Lois Lane is her car stuck in a crack in the earth and Superman going in the reverse direction to try to reverse trying to bring Lois back?
	And then fucking Lex Luthor has to show up.
	When Spider-Man gets knocked off that bridge by the goblin and you're not sure if he's going to pick it.
	I know this isn't what you want and I'm sorry.
	And when in the Avengers movie, when there is a video that someone took from the audience where they see him show up on screen and the whole audience goes crazy.
	Have you seen that?
	Yeah, I have.
	It's amazing.
	It's amazing.
	Like, that movie.
	It is a moving scene.
	It is amazing.
	I was there in the theater with my kids and I was amazed at how embarrassing it was to hear adults cheer at a fucking movie like a movie can hear you.
	Yay!
	Good work, Screen.
	It was so, and it wasn't just Black Panther.
	It was a bunch of people.
	Yeah, they show up and save the damn day.
	By the way, they're building a Wakanda.
	Did you know that?
	Acon's building it, isn't he?
	Really?
	Akon City?
	Black Hammer, I think it's called.
	2-4.
	That might be a different one.
	They're just making Black City.
	We have a whole montage of Joe Rogan crying, but you get the idea.
	Hammer City.
	I think that was a Nazi skinhead gang.
	Hammer City skins.
	But okay.
	You build Hammer City.
	Let's see it.
	So it's like these domes?
	See, this is what I...
	Didn't I promise you this?
	What did I say when all this shit started?
	Not the COVID, but the riots?
	I said, America is drifting into a state of silent apartheid where both sides, black and white, voluntarily segregate.
	Where are you getting this little knobby in big ears fucking my little pony homes?
	Who's making these?
	Yeah, Dr. Seuss?
	Like, who's paying for that?
	You could probably, a billionaire could probably make that for a friend somewhere in Arkansas, but it's still going to be like a million bucks.
	Did Horton.
	That's not cheap.
	Did the studio who makes Dr. Seuss, Horton, Here's a Who just give up their set?
	They're just like, you could have these props.
	Decolonize people.
	No, Acon's making one too.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, let me see.
	Acon City 2020.
	He wants a freaking futuristic Wakanda.
	It actually looks more like Wakanda.
	By the way, I don't know if anyone saw the movie.
	Wakanda sucks.
	They have a substance that can be anything.
	It's a magic substance like vibranium, whatever, and you can use it for fuel.
	They still have dirt streets.
	Downtown Wakanda is a shithole.
	And that's with free magic stuff.
	It looks worse than Zurich.
	And what does Zurich have?
	An ability to do banking and make watches?
	So Zurich has no magic shit, and their city looks nicer than your mud huts in Wakanda.
	I don't think it's anything to be proud of.
	Hammerskin Nation is the Hammerskins, yeah.
	But yeah, Acon reveals $6 billion futuristic Single East City inspired by Wakanda from Black Panther.
	What a, what?
	Is that a dildo?
	Who's paying for this?
	Can you live in that?
	I bet that thing's in Senegal.
	I bet you touch it and your hand burns off.
	It's approximately 1,000 degrees inside.
	So the air conditioning uses up 100% of their city's fuel.
	Sure, that looks cool, but why is Candace Owens at the top?
	Oh, because Cardi B was.
	Oh, yeah, we got that story.
	By the way, before we abandon this first thing, so we've got Akon's Wakanda.
	We have Hammer City Wakanda.
	And we had those Georgians who bought like 1,700 acres the other day.
	This has all been tried.
	It was called Liberia.
	The Garveyists in Liberia, American freed slaves, following the Marcus Garveyisms of go back to Africa, go back to the mainland.
	Same mantras of KKK.
	They said, okay, we will.
	They went back to Africa.
	They created Liberia.
	It was eventually recognized as an independent country, I think, during the Civil War.
	But these colonists didn't get along with the Indians, the native black tribesmen, because as they started to settle, the tribesmen would come, rape all their women, steal all their shit.
	So they started killing them all.
	Isn't it amazing?
	No one ever talks about this.
	This is a problem with education.
	My kids will never hear this story.
	So they murdered the Indians, and I shouldn't say Indians, the indigenous people, and then they set up an apartheid where the indigenous people couldn't be part of their society.
	So that implies that the only way to survive in Africa is to build a wall.
	Assimilation with the indigenous people apparently is impossible.
	So Liberia becomes this fascist dictatorship run by freed American blacks.
	And then they become the elites of this place.
	They still are to this day.
	The ancestors of the freed American blacks who live there are the ruling classes.
	But of course, corruption permeates this, and a massive civil war breaks out.
	And today, it's still a war-torn shithole of conflict and hatred.
	It doesn't look dissimilar to this.
	Oh, those are all bullet shells.
	Oh, my God.
	Holy shit.
	I think we're getting a future look at Hammer City or Aconda.
	I had a friend that English is a national language because it's from three place, but I really hear their accent.
	That's another thing no one talks about with all this multiculturalism.
	Did you know that eating hearts is common across the turd world?
	Like, not just Africa, the Middle East.
	We would find these our guys, our Marines, with holes in their chest.
	Because they go, wow, this guy's so brave, I got to get some of that bravery out of his heart.
	Which I'm sure we did a thousand years ago.
	If you try eating the brain then, you dummies.
	What's the Candace Owens Cardi B thing?
	They're having a squabble.
	It's a beef.
	They got beef.
	This is from Censor Doc.
	Candice Owens humiliates illiterate Cardi B in social media squabble.
	I noticed she kept spelling Candace's name wrong.
	Say Kanye West.
	He's never really written about go out, grab a gat, and just kill people.
	But unfortunately, today, that's the majority of what rap has become, right?
	And so, and I completely agree with your assessment about Cardi B. It is one of the biggest insults.
	If black Americans are not insulted by the fact that Joe Biden, who has been hiding in his basement for the entire year, made an appearance and came up because he was going to do an interview with Cardi B, do we have nothing better to offer?
	I mean, this would be akin to Donald Trump saying, I'm going to give no interviews, but he came up and he decided to give an interview to Justin Bieber, right?
	I mean, M ⁇ M or Machine Gun Kelly.
	You're a Christian man.
	I don't even want to put you in the same boat as Cardi B. But it would be absurd.
	White American would go, what is this?
	Why are you being interviewed by Justin Bieber?
	And it's because you're pandering, right?
	You're pandering.
	You look at Cardi B's Instagram, you see she has millions of followers, and you think, okay, this is an illiterate person.
	And if I appeal to this illiterate person and she does, oh, like she literally did in the middle of this interview, and they think she's cool.
	But what does it mean?
	You know, it's like that thing that Shakira did where it's like, but without like a cultural background.
	No, that Shakira thing has a whole cultural background.
	Exactly.
	But no, this is just a sound, maybe borderline Tourette's.
	Okay, let's, so we get what Candace is saying to Squeaky Ben, Stuart Little.
	Fuck out of you.
	Move your vehicle out of me.
	Move the fuck out of my face.
	Okay.
	Don't ever come to a female pressing her while I'm not here.
	I don't give a fuck.
	Get the fuck out of my car.
	Get the fuck out of my car.
	Cause I'll pay my fucking taxes.
	We're going on.
	Got the fuck up.
	So this is...
	Get the fuck out of my face.
	You ain't my vehicle.
	Get the fuck out of here.
	This is update.
	Why Joe has to talk to me?
	Because I have the number one song.
	Yet, my sister can't go to the beach without getting Trump supporters in the shop.
	Cardi, I'm going to wait and hear the whole story with your sister on the beach.
	She seems a little rough to deal with.
	Those guys seem pretty calm.
	I have a feeling that you did something fucked up.
	Wait, what's this now?
	I want to see her reaction.
	Sorry, folks, we should have this ready.
	What if you go to the censored...
	I highly recommend, folks, when you wake up, you go to censored.tv.
	Oh, that's that's reaction.
	Is that where we are?
	Uh, this is censored.tv.
	Yeah, so it should have the Cardi B quotes there, too.
	Wait, what are you doing, dude?
	Uh, the Cardi B made a video?
	No, but she commented on this.
	Oh boy, I'm getting mad.
	What are you doing?
	Reading it.
	Why are you reading it?
	Well, because she wrote the so the response was that, that her sister couldn't go.
	That's right.
	No, she also talked about Candace Owens being a bitch and fuck you.
	We might have to leave.
	Yeah, look up Candace B and Cardi.
	I mean, Candace B and Cardi.
	Candace B. Did you see the Instagram thing?
	Yeah, look at 2.6.
	It's in the fucking notes, shithead.
	I don't know.
	I assumed you couldn't find it because you had already checked the notes.
	It is one of the biggest insults.
	And encourage people to, right?
	I know you're a Christian man.
	I don't want to put you in the same boat as Cardi B. But it would be absurd.
	White America would go, what is this?
	Why are you being interviewed by Justin Bieber?
	And it's because you're pandering, right?
	You're pandering.
	You look at Cardi B's Instagram, you see she has millions of followers, and you think, okay, this is an illiterate person.
	And if I appeal to this illiterate person and she does, oh, like she literally did in the middle of this interview.
	I got to go to jail.
	You got to go to jail too.
	But I'm going to give Demons a response today.
	I'm going to give a double response today.
	So let me tell you something, right?
	It's not a secret that I use my platform for people to vote.
	I love politics.
	I endorse the Democratic Party.
	Everybody knows I don't really fuck with you like that.
	We know you endorsed the Democratic Party, Cardi B, but you're not a reliable source.
	The fact that people are coming to you is embarrassing.
	You got on your Instagram and talked about how y'all getting your pH balance fucked up because you suck those nasty dicks with your bad breath and your bacon and cheese, and then he stick it in your wet pussy or your dry ass pussy.
	Then you got all that bacon up inside your shit.
	That's right.
	So we're not really, you can, nope, we're free speech.
	We want you to be able to say that, but the president of the United States should not be consulting you.
	I don't see this because, you know, y'all don't be paying attention.
	But I get harassed by Trump supporters so much.
	And there are some Trump supporters that are like celebrity Trump supporters.
	Like that they just have like a huge platform.
	And they be coming for me every single day.
	They be degrading me.
	They be making fun of me.
	Everything.
	Degrade yourself.
	Only time I never, that I be going hard.
	Let me tell you something.
	She gets so intense.
	Is that her pussy?
	That a Trump supporter posted my address and encouraged people to box my home to fire my to put my house on fire.
	I to literally put my house on fire and serve them with a warrant and arrest this boy.
	Mind you, this boy was a fucking teenager.
	His parents were fucking shook.
	Is this all this is like 16 minutes?
	You know what?
	I'm the number one Joe Biden to have fucking free American supporting children.
	I've had enough of race shit.
	oh, this Candace responded, though.
	I don't know if we want to Biden because I was not, I'm sure Ben Shapiro was not.
	We were not meaning to attack you, we're just simply telling the truth, which is the fact that Joe Biden did not spend the whole year in his basement to come up because he's a big Cardi B fan and sit down with you.
	He thinks you're an idiot.
	And, you know, I just am encouraging you to stop proving him right when you say ridiculous things like, I had to sit down with Joe Biden because my sister got attacked by a Trump supporter, Santa Claus, making it seem like Trump supporters are homophobic.
	A little education for you, Cardi B. Donald J. Trump is the first president that's ever gone into office in support of gay marriage.
	So, you know, those eight years that your presidential candidate, Joe Biden, spent as a vice president with Obama?
	They didn't support gay marriage going into office.
	Obama changed his tune on gay marriage in his second term.
	So the whole idea of Trump being a homophobe is a bit pointedly ridiculous and shows how uneducated you are.
	Then you came and you...
	That's enough.
	That's enough.
	It's also a little bit high school.
	You know, that thing girls do in high school where they've learned to say, you're a fucking bitch.
	That shows that you care.
	So what they do now is they go, I actually feel sorry for her.
	Oh.
	So it's like, we didn't mean to insult you.
	There was not our intention to hurt you.
	We just, that person thinks you're an idiot and kind of a loser.
	And you keep proving him right.
	So you're actually being a huge loser.
	I'm sorry.
	Ryan Long has been on the show a few times as far as us looking at him.
	I've never met him before, but we've had his videos on the show.
	Now, before we show some highlights, just to remind you who he is, I don't know if you know this, that he's big in Canada.
	He was with the CBC at a show called Torontopia, another show called That Guy.
	He had another show.
	He had several hit shows.
	Ryan Long is Challenged.
	He had a successful band called the Johnstowns.
	He's a part owner of HardTimes.net and did videos for them.
	He's been around.
	Like, I think most of us, including me, first saw him and thought, oh, he's just a guy that did some viral videos that caught on.
	But no, he's been doing shit for a long time and been getting very good at it, if you will.
	And being good at it, if you will.
	Record-breaking.
	But let's look at some of our favorite videos to remind you of how much we love them.
	So, of course, this is the hit.
	It's got 2 million views now.
	Everything should be looked at through the lens of race.
	Shins, you owe me a Coke.
	We both have a lot of opinions about people of color, even though we barely know any.
	I say colored people, but there's long-term colours.
	It's kind of what my hair does if I don't use black people.
	Sorry, I don't know.
	I just think we should roll back discrimination law so we can hire base on race again.
	Shins, now you owe me a Coke.
	Hey, tell them what you told me yesterday.
	White actors.
	That's one of the reasons why this has 2 million views now in retrospect.
	You realize, oh, the guy's tons of TV experience, and he's figured out how jokes work.
	And you're not seeing some rookie trying to do a funny video.
	You can tell by the structure that thought goes into the...
	I'm ruining jokes.
	I hate analyzing comedy.
	Sorry.
	This is fired from Vice.
	Ryan, by the way, said, you know, that guy used to work for Vice?
	This is how Ryan gets to work for Vice.
	I take responsibility for falling for the fact that somebody said he worked for Vice.
	So I take full responsibility.
	But you were familiar with this video.
	Yeah.
	But I was...
	How did you be familiar with this video and think he worked at Vice?
	Well, because maybe it's like both, both, it's not mutually exclusive.
	Yes, it is.
	So somebody.
	Yes, it is.
	There's no way someone who actually worked at Vice would make this video.
	It's a fuck you to your boss.
	It's former judge.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I take full responsibility that I fell for this.
	Ryan, but this is your problem.
	You can't process information.
	No one who worked at Vice would do a video like this.
	That's all.
	I know that's like me pushing a rock down your throat.
	Because they're not capable of.
	No, they just wouldn't do that.
	That's like someone leaving Fox and doing a huge parody video and all the typical things Fox would do.
	Good point.
	Of course it's a good point.
	Your dick.
	Yes.
	Go back to the beginning.
	And then I find out via email that I'm being let go because my articles aren't generated.
	Hi, New York Times.
	Thousands of articles that are never going to see the light of day.
	No, I know you told me to stop calling, but I had an idea for a new article about canceling the Easter bunny.
	Articles like 10 dildos are better than one, and your boyfriend's racist if he won't sit on them.
	Lesbians should become trans men because most of them don't even have to change anything.
	My boomer dad isn't even gay.
	You know, journalism is supposed to be about normalizing weird shit, removing people's accountability, and most importantly, writing the same article over and over again.
	Why this 27-year-old barista is drinking piss to combat Islamophobia?
	I had plans to write an article about how women are better at football, women are better at fathering, and women have nicer hogs than men.
	Fight the patriarchy by having sex with an entire bar.
	My fucking glasses just rang.
	I got this, I got all that drunk guy stuff.
	Look, you see that little chip there?
	And now it's randomly ringing.
	That's not good.
	How do I fix that?
	Separation alarm off.
	Oh, there you go.
	If it's too far away from me.
	It was not far.
	No, it's not far at all.
	Okay, let's hope that works.
	I mean, the app wasn't even on.
	Boy, that's embarrassing.
	That's like my I've fallen and I can't get up alarm going on.
	Okay, last one.
	This is our favorite one.
	Tittays.
	Remember this?
	When these women were so impressed with themselves because they thought they caught us in the act doing our tit stuff.
	Who do you think has a nicer set of jugs?
	Elizabeth Warren or Kamara Harris?
	Oh, you mean Kamala Harris, the mayor chick?
	Yeah, the mayor chick or whatever.
	She has like titties, two of them.
	And then the other one also has a couple.
	I'll go with the white chick.
	You go with the white titties?
	I don't care for the.
	Why is it that you take the white gazumbas over the black today?
	Her ideology is not breastlight at all.
	I actually thought I entered a time warp and went back 100 years because I could not believe something.
	Somehow they think that their camera is somehow shattering the world.
	Meanwhile, someone's filming Ryan.
	Caught you on tape.
	Remember they did that too as in DC?
	We were filming an interview and they come up like this.
	Right.
	Got you.
	Yeah.
	You may want to check censored dudes.
	You're bootlegging our material is what you're doing.
	All right, let's talk to the better Ryan of the two.
	Oh, man.
	Ryan Long.
	Ryan, are you there, sir?
	Ryan Long and the place to be.
	Ryan, are you a big tit man or an ass man?
	Sorry, I think.
	Stop.
	Stop.
	That's not the correct way to phrase the question.
	Are you a titman or an ass man?
	I pronounce it the Jewish pronunciation, which is assman.
	But I would like to say that I think that I subscribe to the idea, the philosophy, the ancient Chinese philosophy, that big tits are overrated and tits are for kids.
	So it's not necessarily to say that I'm an ass man over a titty man, but it does say that a big pile of gazumbas are nice, fun once or twice.
	But if your girlfriend's got like a big set of like triple Zs, I think by day five, you're like, get me some tiny mosquito bites because I'm over this.
	Yeah.
	And you'll notice that ass men say that about titmen.
	I'm an ass man, but we always call titmen gays and say you have some latent breastfeeding problem and blah, blah, blah.
	And then titmen say the same thing about us.
	They go, oh, you love an ass.
	You're a homo.
	You know, boys have asses.
	What's the matter with tits?
	They're the most feminine thing in the world.
	You're a queer.
	Yeah, I love the idea of that to be gay.
	Yo, this guy likes tits.
	We're fucking gay.
	This guy was hanging up with his girlfriend all day, fucking fag.
	You should be with dudes.
	Yeah, he thinks it's a dude's ass.
	I like big tits when they're around.
	Not that I get any big tits, but I remember back in my single days, it wasn't so much what you do with them because there's not much you can do.
	Like, what are you going to do?
	Lick them?
	Like, no girl says, oh, my God, I suck my tits.
	If they're saggy enough, you can tie them up.
	Yeah, that's a fun, fun little trick that some people do.
	Do your tits hang low?
	Do they wobble to and fro?
	Can you tie them in a knot?
	Can you tie them in a bow?
	Can you throw them over your shoulder like an over-the-shoulder boulder holder?
	Do your tits hang low?
	Yes.
	But visually, if a girl has fairly big bazooms and you're having intercourse and they start going in concentric circles, I can really add an element to it that's fun.
	Yeah, it can hypnotize you into thinking that your girlfriend's actually hot.
	So there's like a lot, there's a lot of benefit.
	She just notices.
	She notices that you zone out and then she goes, what's your pin?
	4417.
	Get off me.
	You will have me moving by day three.
	We're friends now.
	Give me keys.
	When was the last time you had intercourse?
	I'm going to stop you right there because I'm not done with this conversation.
	The asses have been very, very in vogue lately, which almost the counterculture element of me makes me sort of want to back off of them.
	Like, you see everything is like this big ass fat asses.
	And I'm like, well, I guess asses are out.
	I can't go with the flow.
	Yeah, I can't be in my body part to, yeah, that's my specific thing.
	Potentially become a neck roll man, perhaps.
	It's like when Hoosker Doo put out Flip Your Wig and you just went, oh, okay, you're CBS records now or whatever.
	Yes.
	You're making it.
	It's exactly like that.
	How girls made sex not cool over the last five years.
	I was watching this thing yesterday and it was this woman.
	It was like, you know, she's in her 40s and she made these vagina cookies, right?
	They're like cookies with vaginas and blah, blah, blah.
	And it's just like, yeah, it's this big, big empowering thing, right?
	And I'm like, to me, I'm like, that would have been a funny thing for like a high school kid to like make like tit cookies for his like, you know, bakery at his school and get in trouble.
	And now it's like empowering where you're like, well, I guess vagina cookies aren't fun anymore.
	And you think about like in a normal man's sex life, you don't really like see a vagina.
	You know, you feel around, you dink in it.
	Even when you go down on a girl, it's not like you're seeing it.
	But when they go on these women's marches, we see the labium majoris, we see the P-hole, we see the foam clitoris, and then these big coarse hairs sticking out.
	And you're like, oh, I guess that's exactly what it looks like.
	Thanks for ruining the orchid.
	It used to be in the back of my head.
	I've actually took a page out of their book and I stopped wiping my ass for men's rights.
	So there's a, you know, you want to play in their ballpark.
	That's how you want to do it.
	It's itchy empowerment.
	Just to get back to the asses for a second, I think it's a black thing because in the 80s, it was like white and white chicks and you had the sort of, they didn't have an ass.
	Like all those sort of hot dog and all those 80s movies with the sort of ZZ top vibe and the blonde girls and the t-shirt contest and all that.
	When they would turn backwards, you would just see like zoop.
	And then we had I like big butts that I cannot lie right up to It's all about the bass, no trouble, and Kim Kardashian dating black dudes.
	And now like my favorite song was Dude's Butts.
	So I don't know if you heard that one, but.
	No, Dude's Butts?
	Yeah.
	It was by the village people.
	I don't know, whatever.
	It's one of their B-sides.
	I'm a big fan long time.
	Do you remember that song, You Want to Fuck Me My Butt?
	In My Butt?
	Remember that guy?
	What, what, in the butt?
	What, what, in the butt?
	Is that right, said Fred?
	No, it's the exaggerated black version of him.
	But yeah, I think that black culture is changed.
	Because black people have, black women have bigger butts.
	That's just a fact you can't deny.
	Yeah, and Latino community.
	Yeah, I don't know if we're allowed to.
	Although my ex-girlfriend was she was Venezuelan, tiny butt.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, that's because she was starving to death.
	Yeah.
	That's what happens when she's making food.
	Yeah, we do starve to death.
	So, like America, you're an ass man, but I think I'm ready with you to just give up on asses because they become too mainstream.
	It's too trendy.
	Yeah, you know what?
	There is a cautionary positive tale here, a reverse cautionary tale, in that, you know how there's a big movement to be like, you know, these girls are hot right now.
	Look at this 400-pound girl.
	She's beautiful.
	And everyone's like, no, she's not.
	So they could take a page from the black community because they know how to make something cool.
	There was a lot of girls with these big asses, and that wasn't in vogue at the time.
	And they were like, you know what?
	This is actually cool.
	And they pulled it off where an entire generation is like, yeah, yeah, big ass is hot now.
	So there is a way to do it if you do it right.
	Like you make it hot, you know, you put some butter on those.
	You get it, you get the right photos out there.
	And everyone was like, you know what?
	I'm in.
	That's the new look.
	Yeah, you're right.
	But the key is degrees.
	Like, yes, we can take a flat 80s ass and we can make it into maybe like two bowling balls, maybe.
	But you have to pay your waist tax.
	And with Lizzo, she's just got this huge, shitty hippo ass that's got no form to it.
	And then she has that gunt that hangs over.
	So if she was wearing a belt, you wouldn't see the belt at all.
	That's, no, I can't do that.
	You bent it and it broke.
	You know what, though?
	I know you're saying that.
	And I hate to be this guy to like be fact-checking or whatever, but I looked into it and that's actually just Martin Lawrence in a fat suit.
	Well, if it's a fat suit, why didn't they make the ass half decent?
	It looks like a belly.
	Yeah, no, it's COVID.
	It's hard to get the right materials.
	So they would love to have gone to Abracadabra, the number one costume store, but they had to string it together with materials they found at the local bodega.
	So it didn't end up being the suit that it could have been.
	Yeah, the lineup was insane.
	I was there the other day.
	All right, last question, Ryan.
	I did that, talked about it in my last video, but that there was an entire genre of film that was black fat suit movies.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, there was the nutty professor, the clumps.
	Yeah.
	I think Eddie Murphy did it.
	I'm all the Tyler Perrys.
	Like, if you go into a thing, they were like, you know, are we talking comedy, drama, fatsuit?
	Like, it was, it was one of the, there was like a department of Universal that was just making fatsuit movies.
	Yeah.
	Even there was even drama comedy.
	Like Shallow Howl was a comedy, but you're still supposed to cry at how much they love each other.
	Yeah.
	Last question.
	Are there any deal breakers for tits?
	Like, I find when they're just sort of like...
	Yeah, not enough meat in them.
	Yeah.
	Well, you want the ones that like, you know, I mean, bodies that unpack bad are bad in general.
	That is the problem you get into because you're taking that gamble.
	When you see like a big set of titties and a big ass, you go, okay, I'm listening.
	But, you know, you're like, how's this going to unpack?
	And that is a big question.
	And sometimes it unpacks where you don't have enough meat in there.
	And that's the problem.
	You know, so that's probably the least desirable titty where it just looks like the, you know, the nickels in a tube sock.
	Yeah.
	Well, there's two types of meatless patties.
	There's one that's just like a lemon that's in a brown nylon and she could put her tits in her pockets if she wants.
	And then there's the other ones where it's like someone went in there with an X-Acto knife, took out all the meat and just left just a tit skin.
	Yeah.
	And that always does a number on the nipples, dude.
	They never look good when you're dealing with that kind of situation.
	I mean, you know, you wouldn't want that situation the other way around where you had a guy that had gigantic balls the size of bowling balls and then they just removed them and left the skin, you know, got a ball reduction.
	Yeah, well, that's what those steroid guys are, too.
	They have little peas.
	Yeah, it looks like a cake on her face.
	I think both of those are a deal breaker.
	The meatless patties much more than the ones that droop.
	But as far as droop goes, I think it comes down to a matter of degrees.
	And I can do...
	I mean, it usually comes down to pencils, right?
	I think I'm willing to do like how many pencils could you put under.
	I'm easily happy with four pencils.
	I think I could go to eight pencils.
	Yeah, I mean, small tits drooping is a different game altogether than big tits drooping.
	Like when you have a big tit, you know that droop's part of the game.
	If you're a big tit man, you go, listen, I'm going to deal with some droop.
	That's something I signed up for and I'm living that life.
	But when someone shows up with small tits and you pop them off and they're drooping, you feel like you've been duped.
	You feel like you've been had.
	And that's something that's a deal breaker particularly interested in.
	It's a deal breaker.
	I like what the long ones do.
	You're taking off her bra.
	If it has a back clasp, you're taking off her bra and the tits are following you and you're like, you guys stay home.
	It's like a dog following you to work.
	No, no, no, no.
	You stay home.
	No, no, no.
	And they just keep coming until they finally leave home like at her waist and you go.
	Well, what you can do, and again, it depends on how much time you have, but if you want to, you can actually use some scotch tape to tape them back up and just do like sort of a roll around her office space style.
	And that will, at least while you're having sex with them, you can enjoy what you're looking at.
	I actually, you're joking, but I did do that once.
	I took hockey tape and I put them along the, they weren't particularly droopy and I put them along the base and then tied them tight so they were like these turgid balloons.
	Just like a genre of porn right now, too.
	Yeah.
	I'm actually getting aroused thinking about it.
	Okay, we're out of time, but just before we go.
	We covered some ground here, though, honestly.
	To be honest, I think we got to the bottom of all the tough issues.
	I think that if you look up tits in Wikipedia now, it'll just be a transcription of this and they'll know everything.
	Breast surgeons can go on it.
	Everyone will know.
	What do you call those?
	Tit surgeons?
	Booboo.
	Oh, tit surgeons?
	Yeah.
	What are they called?
	Lucky dudes.
	Yeah.
	I'd love to slit a woman open and remove shit and then put other stuff into her and stitch up her tits.
	I was talking about how if your job was like the doctor that's the transgender doctor that cuts off like the dicks, like if it would be a great job for like a hardcore feminist that really hate men, you know, when you love what you do, just wake up every morning chopping off dicks, like fighting the patriarchy.
	It is a massacre.
	We went through the details here and it was fucking even CGI.
	It's shocking.
	I heard a guy on Real Housewives of Beverly, no, of New Jersey, say that that must be the best job in the world doing kid implants.
	And you're like, you know, that you're lacerating a woman's breasts to like mass murder levels.
	Okay, last question, though.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Who do you think has nicer tattes?
	Camala Harris or Elizabeth Warren?
	I mean, obviously Harris has nicer titties because Warren's 150 years old, but I would say the redeeming characteristics are that Warren would be more annoying, whereas Elizabeth Warren seemed like Elizabeth Warren,
	if you wanted to play with the tits, she'd be like, what are you doing?
	Whereas, sorry, Kamala Harris.
	Whereas I think if you're playing with Elizabeth Warren's titties, she might be annoying at first, but I think within two years, you could have her mind wrapped up to where the tits were yours to do as you please with.
	Really?
	I would think the opposite.
	She would be more likely to get bossed around by you.
	Have you researched this?
	Because my instincts say the opposite.
	Kamala Harris is more like a whatever, and Elizabeth Warren would be more nitpicky.
	No, you are right that that is the case currently, but Elizabeth Warren has less backbone and less willing to less of an ideology.
	Like everything she says is someone else's ideology that they told her.
	So if she was living in my house within six months, that would just be mine.
	I like it.
	So she's easier to get.
	I'd be like, oh, you know all that stuff you think?
	That's stupid.
	Like, this is what we think now.
	Like, what you want to do is put the tits up.
	And she goes, yes, sir.
	Is this going to help communism?
	I go, yeah, it's great.
	Get the titties up.
	It's like tits.
	I think you can infect her.
	Eventually you comply.
	Yeah, eventually you comply.
	Okay.
	Well, thanks for coming on the show.
	We learned a lot about jugs.
	Yeah, this is hilarious.
	This is the most informative interview I've done.
	And I'm hoping for you, it felt the same way.
	It was good for you as it was for me.
	You're welcome.
	Ryan Long.
	How'd you think that went?
	Great.
	Sometimes when I meet people in my realm or above me, as far as amusingness goes, it can be a little not awkward, but...
	Is it like you have to almost pull punches when it's like non-funny people?
	So you're like, when there's a funny person in the world.
	Or maybe I'm just insecure and I hang out with retards like you because I can bully you.
	But then when I'm with someone that I can't, you know, demean and insult constantly, I don't know what to do with myself.
	It's like the opposite of swinging a bat with a donut on it.
	You just get an easy ride with me here.
	Why are you so dark?
	The sun at 10.
	Seriously, we got to work on the lighting here.
	We've got to get a new studio.
	I'm in the shadows.
	I'm going to look at some space today because I think we've been doxxed.
	And the real estate market here in New York is fucking incredible right now.
	But I thought before I spend like 50 grand building a huge studio and everything, I don't want to for them to find out who we are and then go, oh, no.
	So if I don't sense a mega vibe from the realtor, get this response I got from one of them where it was way too big for us.
	Like it was Steven Crowder's size studio.
	And I thought, we'll be there eventually, but if Milo's shooting his show in Florida now, why make an NBC-sized studio?
	Why have an Ellen set?
	But anyway, getting very close.
	This is me talking.
	Getting very close to a decision here.
	One thing I should probably make clear is we are a pro-Trump network.
	I'd hate to shell out a bunch of money and then have it shut down for our politics within 60 seconds.
	Unfortunately, it is looking like the company is going in a different direction and is now mostly likely going to utilize this space for their own use.
	I'll be happy to reach out to you again if this changes.
	I swear to God, if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get my hands around your throat.
	I'm telling you, man, gay in the 50s or gay in the 50s.
	It's not a joke.
	All right.
	Oh, there's one thing.
	He said, so just in case career ruining crap, the year already gets a lot of stuff.
	There's people that clip the show for YouTube.
	I know I'm touching the hair.
	If you could not clip that interview, Ryan said this.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Whoever's clipping, because we don't clip.
	We don't clip.
	And we don't cry.
	I cry.
	Me too.
	I like crying.
	But I don't like personally crying.
	I like when people cry.
	No, there's times you can cry.
	That's kind of why I was watching those Joe Rogan ones.
	You can cry for anything military.
	You can sob.
	Absolutely.
	But a guy who lost a lot of weight and Chadwick Bozeman, no.
	That's a no.
	Unless you're his wife.
	Yeah.
	Or how about Jimmy Kimmel blubbering about LeBron James?
	I don't think he knew him.
	You know who did a great one?
	A fellow Scotsman.
	Who's the guy who had that show?
	You know, Craig Ferguson.
	He was talking about his mom and his dad.
	And that was like, ooh, that was some good stuff.
	You can cry with parents stuff, right?
	I guess, but why are you talking about it on a show?
	I don't know.
	I like that he was open about that.
	That was great.
	It was great.
	It was a great story.
	He was telling how hard-working he was, and they came here and they did all this stuff.
	I don't like crying when you're being interviewed.
	Like, remember after 9-11, Dan Rather cried on David Letterman, and I was just like, dude, you're giving the jihadists a blowjob.
	Can you not do that, please?
	Go cry alone.
	Do you know anybody alive today who is capable of that?
	I mean, it's so aberrant and so far afield.
	Yeah, they're called inbred Muslims, you fucking left-wing losers.
	But there's several I reports that there was a report.
	I emphasize, I don't know this for a fact, but there's several witnesses who say this happened.
	They got on the roof of the building to look across.
	They knew what was going to happen.
	They were waiting for it to happen.
	And when it happened, they celebrated.
	They jumped for joy to see this happening.
	I saw that with my own eyes.
	That's a good clip.
	But it wasn't jihadists.
	It was Puerto Ricans going, yeah, bomb that shit, nigga.
	And they just thought, cool, something's exploding.
	It's terrible.
	So, was that the clip?
	No, he didn't cry there.
	Are you sure?
	Because that looked like the clip.
	Let me see.
	I mean, how many times was he on David Letterman talking about 9-11?
	Not so.
	To the core, evil people.
	It's probably same interview, different part.
	But we got the Rogans queued up.
	Isn't it weird that people are not more xenophobic or sensitive about radical Islam after that?
	They blew up the most prominent buildings in New York City, and today they're like, hey, hey, hey, don't, don't offend Muslims.
	Like, I'm the only one who does it.
	All right, what's this now?
	And it's a hardened crew of people that watch people eat animal dicks and jump out of helicopters for season after season, episode after episode.
	You know, we did a hundred and something shows.
	A hundred and I don't even remember.
	That mom and daughter couple won.
	I mean, team, probably 140 episodes of that show.
	Everybody cried.
	The camera people, like I'll cry now if I'm thinking about it.
	When the mother and the daughter are dissecting.
	I mean, there's a just to it, right?
	There's a comeuppance.
	It was a comeuppance.
	It was an underdog.
	It was.
	All right, this is a waste of my time.
	Just seeing.
	You're missing the happy cry part.
	I've been watching them win to this day.
	Like I tell him, it was you.
	So I'm quite pleased about that.
	Just adorable.
	You do, eh?
	Yeah, yeah, but particularly like that.
	I don't tear up for sad things.
	I tear up for happy things.
	It's adorable.
	Oh, that's a winner.
	That guy could kill me with his bare hands.
	That's how little kids talk.
	You're right.
	Yeah, it was very cutesy.
	Oh, we're mailbaging it.
	Ryan, shut up.
	You don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	I actually went through the mailbag earlier today.
	Particularly stinky day.
	I haven't checked this one yet.
	Hey, Gavin, Ryga, I stumbled across this great YouTube channel that does psychological breakdowns of police interrogation methods.
	Anyways, I was watching this episode and immediately thought of you guys.
	Enjoy.
	I want to fuck you with Mikey's Ding-Dong.
	That starts at 5.47.
	5.47.
	The only real difference between the more mainstream reality shows, such as Big Brother, compared to the considerably more target-marketed Ultimate Fighter, is that the participants are solely made up of professional MMA fighters.
	Not only that, but they are each put into a single MMA.
	Check that out sometime.
	This is a good channel.
	This is from Scott.
	Fucking hilarious.
	This guy claims it's fucking hilarious, and it is.
	I learned!
	I learned a lot!
	And I learned that I learned a lot.
	Anyway, Mo is associated here.
	Anyway, the point I want to make is I learned so much.
	I learned so much.
	I learned black, white, all colors, all backgrounds.
	What I mean.
	Men, women, gay, straight.
	Everyone deserves a shot, you know.
	You don't think.
	You know what I mean?
	You don't think.
	You know what I mean?
	What I have to do is I have to continue talking about things.
	I came down here because I remember the first bumper strict that I saw.
	I learned that I got hairy legs that turned blonde in the sun.
	And the kids used to come up and reach in the pool and put my leg down.
	So it was trading.
	And that flight's the hair.
	Could come back up again.
	I learned about the kids jumping on my lap.
	My bump is jumping on my lap.
	What do we do?
	Dead, dead, dead.
	You know, man.
	Give me the break.
	Taking cocaine or not.
	What do you think?
	I mean, all colors, all backgrounds.
	What do I mean?
	Men, women, gay, straight.
	Everyone deserves a shot, you know.
	You don't think.
	You know what I'm saying?
	You don't think.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I didn't know they had technology to make talking sing like that.
	Corn pop was a bad dude.
	Oh, yeah.
	What's that called?
	Very willing to get away from the badge.
	It's like pitch shifting, you know, but you do audio pitch shifting.
	So he's just speeding up how fast he says it?
	No, you can actually change the pitch of things.
	They go in.
	I understand, but the cadence is changed too.
	Oh, you would speed it up, slow it down.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But the words hit the right way, like corn pop was a bad dude.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So I guess you like corn, you slow down corn pop, and then you speed up was a bad dude.
	Yeah, doesn't that seem tedious?
	So it's really just speeding up and slowing down things.
	Man, poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids.
	Wealthy kids.
	Okay, we got it, we got it.
	That was cool.
	Not ancient news.
	This guy wants us to check out a Mongolian band.
	Go one minute in.
	I know Mongolians could have bands.
	Let's just jump in the middle.
	Mongolians look like Chinese guys that just got the shit beaten out of them.
	Imagine being into world beat gross.
	There was a story.
	I told you about this store in Montreal where they'd be like, these guys are kind of like the Led Zeppelin of Kenya.
	I'll just stick to Led Zeppelin there.
	One time I was at a meeting with Universal Records with Shane and Sarouche from Vice.
	Sarouche is Brown.
	And the sales dude was a total fucking turd.
	He's like, I love you guys.
	You guys are great.
	I got Sarouche.
	Here is my world beat guy.
	Great stuff.
	World beat guy.
	Sorry.
	Okay.
	We got to get going here.
	This has been a long show.
	Oh, I saw a really good one, though.
	I put a flag on.
	It got a blue flag.
	Okay, ready?
	Yes.
	Last letter.
	Hey, Gavin, I'm Ryan.
	My wife and I welcomed our fifth child into the world this Friday.
	During the pregnancy, my wife got a little sad and depressed.
	She felt that five was too many because she has friends that have capped off their kids at one or two because they want to focus on their careers.
	While she's a full-time mom and homeschools our kids.
	No, sorry, while she is a full-time mom and homeschools our kids.
	I showed her a clip from your show where you say one is for losers, two is for fags, three is the bare minimum.
	Five is perfect.
	It really cheered her up.
	So thanks.
	I tell her all the time that she's 1,000 times cooler than her friends who are too busy to have more kids because of some retarded job and that she is doing the most important job in the world.
	AJ.
	Yes, AJ's wife.
	Believe me, you will not regret five.
	Every time I talk to us three and unders, we never say, thank God I get to focus on my career.
	Every last diaper of my youngest boys was torture because I knew this might be the last diaper I ever changed.
	And one day it was.
	I wish I had five kids.
	They become a self-perpetuating machine where the oldest girl can drive around the youngest and be a babysitter and stuff like that.
	It's not more work three to five.
	Our grandparents used to have 11, 10 or 11.
	And you've got fucking five.
	I am so jealous of you.
	Believe me, especially as you get older, you'll think, thank God.
	You know, if all your kids are away in college right now, you could move to Montana, go skiing in the winter and just peter around, you'd be bored out of your fucking mind.
	And when you got to be 60 and 70, you wanted grandkids, there'd be none.
	You're going to have maybe 15 grandkids.
	That's amazing.
	And that is an accomplishment.
	So folks out there, if you have no kids, get on it.
	If you have one kid, you got to double that and add at least one.
	Three is the bare minimum.
	I just scratch by.
	And when I look at my kids and my wife, I think, why didn't I come in you the first night I met you?
	I could have had five.
	We waited so fucking long.
	From the day I met her to our first kid was, I think, six years.
	That's embarrassing and idiotic.
	You're doing the right thing.
	Your friends' jobs suck and they're miserable there.
	They should get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

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