Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E181 - DAY OF CANADA [2020-07-01 - S02E181 - DAY OF CANADA]

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July 1, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:51:59

S02E181 - DAY OF CANADA [2020-07-01 - S02E181 - DAY OF CANADA]

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	That's a good garnish for a garnish collection.
	So that's DOA, Death on Arrival, covering Bachmann Turner Overdrive, BTOs, taking care of business.
	But in the BTO version, he goes, taking care of business, working overtime.
	That's right.
	He's got a little, that's right.
	Then he goes, workout.
	Oh, yeah.
	Work out.
	Just a soft suggestion.
	Workout.
	Happy day of Canada.
	I don't like saying Canada today.
	It's too hard to say Canada Day.
	Day of Canada.
	It's Day of Canada today.
	We've got some special additions.
	I've got my Quebecois drinking glasses.
	Sous cum and but, which is a song by Plume La Traverse, which we'll be checking out.
	Sous means drunk.
	Sous Raid, which means completely wasted.
	Chu maganet.
	Chu being an abbreviation for je sui maganet, which means I'm very hungover.
	And then ch finie, ch being an abbreviation for je sui fini.
	I am fucking done.
	And I also have my Quebecois license plate that says tabernac, which is the worst thing you can say in Quebec.
	But it actually means tabernacle.
	And I also have my Canadian beer, Budweiser.
	Because this is all I ever drank in my entire life of drinking.
	So it's Canadian to me.
	What about most Canadian Gab?
	You can't really find Canadian beer in America.
	I don't know why.
	This is my Poutine Snow Globe, which looks kind of dirty.
	What's going on with this thing, man?
	It's the gravy.
	So you shake that up, and it just looks like hungover shit.
	It looks like shit water.
	Yeah, it looks like diarrhea water.
	I mean, even close up, I'm not that impressed.
	This has changed since I bought it.
	It's gotten murky.
	I guess I should have checked the pH balance.
	That was too much of indecents.
	God, I miss.
	I gotta say, out of all the things I miss here on this day of Canada, I miss Poutin the most.
	By the way, today's all Canada.
	So if you don't care about the hat of the North, America's hat, then fuck you and turn off the show.
	But what about the riots?
	What about Chop?
	What about Nancy Pelosi?
	What about Biden's latest gaffe?
	Fuck off.
	Remember on 35th Street there was the White Castle?
	There was.
	It got shut down.
	While you saw the TGMS, and I was going to get you Poutin because White Castle had Poutin.
	I bet it sucked.
	Probably, but.
	There was a great poutine on 3rd Street, right by St. Mark's.
	There was a Dutch place there that had Dutch fries, but they also thought might as well get some cheese curds sent in and make...
	And they'd have perfect Poutin, just as good as Quebec.
	Then guess what happened to that?
	What?
	3rd Avenue near St. Mark's?
	Oh.
	What happened?
	It, uh, heroin.
	Yeah, the store died of a heroin overdose.
	It was injecting heroin into its own bricks.
	No, it blowed up.
	It blowed up good.
	That's disgusting.
	What is that?
	KFC pretends.
	Yeah, they had a bunch of Polaks in the East Village doing what Polaks do, which is what Russians do, which is, yes, I'll bid low on the contract.
	Then I'll get the deposit for 10 grand.
	Then I'll YouTube it and go buy the tools and then do the job that I've never done before.
	And this time they were using sketchy natural gas inputs without proper licensed plumbers moving them around, filled up the entire fucking building with gas.
	Kaboom!
	A block in the East Village, including Drea DeMateo's apartment, blowed up.
	Remember Drea DeMateo from The Sopranos?
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, that was Christopher's wife, girlfriend, whatever.
	Every time we would see her in the East Village, we'd yell, tell Tony!
	Because at the time, she was bugged.
	And to be honest, I never really understood why they don't do that.
	Get a Sharpie, right?
	I'm wearing a wire.
	The FBI is on to us.
	And go, hi, Tony.
	They shoved it on your head.
	Wearing a...
	What the fuck?
	So yeah, let's look at some fucking Canadian tunes, eh?
	Here on the big day of Canada.
	Tab out of knack.
	That was DOA celebrating BTO.
	Now, BTO are from Winnipeg, which I'm going to show you the whole country in a second.
	But Winnipeg fucking sucks, man.
	Holy shit.
	The only good thing about it is hunting.
	And even then, you better get the right time of year or you're going to get eaten alive.
	Oh, this is such a jam.
	Guess how many days of the year these guys would tour?
	380.
	That's more than.
	Yeah, that's how hardworking they were.
	One time they ate a rat.
	What?
	They were on tour, and they had KFC, and a rat was going along the pipes, and it fell off into the deep fryer.
	And as they were eating chicken, one of the chickens had a rat's tail.
	You don't believe me?
	You got to look that up?
	Yeah.
	Okay, look it up, bitch.
	I believe you.
	I just want to see it.
	That's not uncommon in New York.
	I'm sorry to talk about New York so much on our Day of Canada thing, but my fucking buddy who was just on vacation with a North Fork up in eastern Long Island, whatever it's called, he's biting into Chinese foodie gun in Crown Heights.
	And he's like, those are very thin bones for a cow.
	I'm eating beef.
	And this is looking like a tiny, tiny rib cage.
	And he googled it, and there it was.
	There was the rat's rib cage.
	So he called them.
	I think I've told this on the show before.
	He called them and said, hey, I just thought you should know with his lover Puddlian accent.
	Shot you should know.
	You done put his, every time he says a letter D, I was like, Tim, dude, you got to find synonyms for all your D words because I'm getting a headache every time you go, so what are you going to do?
	And he goes, I called them up and said, what are you doing?
	You sent me a rat.
	And so they came by, like, ding dong.
	Five minutes later, I said, we need the food back.
	We need the food back.
	We give you a discount.
	You need the food back, huh?
	You mean the evidence?
	And ever since he told me that story, which was not long ago, maybe like six months ago, I'm always like, I haven't eaten Chinese food in so long.
	I told you I found a live trap in Chinatown.
	For sale.
	Like plenty of large live traps in Chinatown.
	Do the match.
	They're not known for their catch and release animal ethics.
	Anyway, did you find the meeting?
	I think no, couldn't find the meeting.
	B-B-A-O, K-F-C, rat.
	Seems easy to me.
	What the f- I think I broke the internet.
	Oh.
	That's a new one.
	Oh, fried rat was chicken.
	Okay, that's a totally different story.
	Maybe I gotta type the whole turner overdrive.
	Whatever.
	Anyway.
	So go back to the opening song, though.
	Because it's such a cool video.
	And this jacket is very, very hard to find now.
	I actually got this in Madison, Wisconsin, and pooped my pants.
	Oh, wow.
	Look, BTO are in it.
	Huh.
	See, this is interesting too.
	A friend of mine, Mark, a Canadian from Perth, pointed this out.
	He goes, see, Britain is sedentary.
	They don't move around.
	They stay in their living rooms because it's raining out and they're not pioneers.
	So that's why they have songs like, Satan laughing spreads his wings.
	Oh, Lord, yeah.
	And fairies wear boots and you gotta, because it's like J.R. Tolkien imagination stuff.
	By the way, DOA from Vancouver, down the road, about three days of driving, also toured 380 days a year.
	380 degrees a year.
	There you go, corporations.
	It's those acronym band names.
	Three name acronym bands.
	They were the first hardcore band.
	I mean, they were trying to be punk.
	I think they were trying to be like the clash a little bit, but they were actually hardcore.
	And they actually invented the word hardcore when it comes to music.
	So Minor Threat, all those dudes, they learned the term hardcore and the music from DOA.
	That's how heavily they were touring.
	They're in DC with Minor Threat.
	That must have been like 82.
	Anyway, so they're covering Bachman Turner Overdrive, a fucking amazing Canadian band from Winnipeg.
	They did Let It Ride, which don't play Let It Ride.
	I don't like that song.
	But for the weekend, I just can't wait.
	Now that goes back to what I was saying about, so Britain is all about imagination and Satan laughing and J.R. Tolkien and Hobbits.
	And then these guys are about busting my ass during the week.
	And like, this is why Bruce Springsteen is so popular in North America.
	this continent is just about work and being a pioneer and building a country.
	Who split as a nation?
	It's the working class and the non-working class.
	Or I should say the working class and everyone who respects the working class, and the non-working class and everyone who disrespects the working class.
	Wait, no, that doesn't make sense.
	It's the working class and everyone who respects the working class.
	Like me and Tucker are not working class, but we side with them.
	Trump is not working class, but he sides with them.
	And then the non-working class.
	That's it.
	Two groups.
	Some kind of stinks, too.
	Oh, you missed the best part.
	Oh.
	These guys in Washington who worked at the GM plant there.
	And they would leave for Florida on Friday after their shift at 5 and show up at work Monday morning at 9 a.m.
	So they would, they would, the car would just, I think it's 16 hours.
	Wait a minute.
	No.
	Look up how much, this is, this is Oshawa to Miami.
	Oshawa, let's see.
	Oshawa, Ontario to Miami.
	It's got to be like 24 hours.
	You got limited time.
	So wait, you wouldn't get there till Saturday at 5 p.m.
	Show what you're doing.
	Oh, I hate when it does that shit.
	Open maps?
	Let's see, uh, Miami.
	Florida.
	Maybe it wasn't Miami.
	I just knew back then, Florida was just like Florida.
	22 hours.
	That's not bad.
	Yeah, it's real bad.
	Ever driven 22 hours?
	Think so?
	You start seeing Fred Flintson on the road going, hello?
	So they would drive all night.
	So that's Saturday at 5 p.m.
	Wait a minute, wait a minute.
	Go back to a map of Florida.
	This story can't be right.
	Don't just zoom in on what's there, shitlips.
	No, that's zooming out.
	Okay, take it easy.
	Take it easy.
	Is there anything worth a damn that Canadians would want to check out?
	Like, they wouldn't go to Jacksonville.
	Maybe Orlando.
	No, no.
	What's that?
	Daytona Beach, maybe?
	Yeah, that's a good one.
	Yeah, let's go with Daytona Beach.
	So change your Miami to Daytona Beach.
	It's going to be the same.
	It's going to be like 20 hours.
	Yeah, it's just deduct, you know, like three hours.
	Yeah.
	Okay, 18 hours.
	But wait a minute.
	So you leave Friday.
	Say you get off early at 3, right?
	So Saturday at 3, you're probably there on the best case scenario, Saturday at noon.
	You have to leave Sunday morning.
	So two-thirds of your weekend was driving.
	Terrible.
	Maybe they're just fucking idiots.
	I used to think they were badass partiers.
	Now I think they're morons.
	We had a Florida near Oshawa called Sandbanks that we went to every year.
	Sandbanks was fun.
	I lost my virginity there.
	Well, sort of.
	She was number two.
	Look up Sandbanks.
	Am I allowed to go to Canada?
	Good question.
	Do I have to go into quarantine?
	I haven't seen my parents since Christmas.
	Sandbanks Provincial Park.
	It's fucking fun, eh?
	We used to go there.
	It was so weird.
	It's just a normal beach, but it's got a lot of dunes.
	And we would go there and stare at the back of someone's head really, really intense.
	Me and my buddy Cheese, Paul McCarthy.
	And we would just stare at the back of someone's head.
	And then they would inevitably go and see who was staring at me.
	No way.
	It was a weird trick.
	We did it a hundred times.
	It was like magic.
	Or another thing we'd do is we'd see some like, Cheese was like a very white dude, skinny little redhead.
	And we'd go, every time we saw like an old black guy or something or an Indian woman, we'd go, Cheese!
	Paul!
	It was very funny.
	He had to be there.
	The third funny game we would do at Sandbanks, which I'm not very proud of, is the kids would be making sandcastles along the beach.
	And we would be walking, talking, and seeing their sandcastle there.
	And I would just walk with like Paul Toddy, who just died.
	And we'd be walking down the beach going, no, I got in there and I was scared.
	I didn't know what to do.
	And then we would walk through their sandcastle.
	By the way, we're 16-year-olds.
	We're not 34-year-olds at this point.
	So we're kind of, we're barely like five years older than the kids we're fucking with.
	So I don't think that's the end of the world.
	But we would just walk through their sandcastle and go, so, and then I felt like that I, you know, nothing was going on with her.
	But I was at this point where I was like, what is going on?
	And then we'd look back on the sandcastle we just destroyed and go, oh shit, sorry, kid.
	Anyway, and then just keep walking.
	That's pretty fucking.
	Oh, those are the days.
	It's not like this.
	Two fucking grown beaches are fucking.
	I find that funny.
	Yeah, it is very funny.
	The guy would throw all the wood oof.
	Such a shitty move.
	There's no reason to do it.
	Look at him.
	He's drunk.
	Hitting it with a pillow.
	Like, your job isn't done there yet.
	Look, there you go.
	Boom.
	I hate sand.
	Especially when it's sculpted out of shit.
	That's like that video we showed the other day where he goes, you a figure!
	Yeah, it's no need.
	Calling a pedophile because he has a skateboard and he's my age.
	No need.
	Speaking of Canadian rock, the guess who and their hit, American Woman.
	We're also of the BTO era.
	Now, this song's really cool because it's got an acoustic version at the beginning.
	Play the beginning.
	I teach air guitar, by the way, to kids.
	You want to keep the left hand moving as though you know what a chord is.
	Occasionally, you want to be a child.
	American woman gonna mess your mind.
	American woman, she gonna mess your mind.
	Party Day of Canada!
	She's gonna mess your mind.
	American woman gonna mess your mind.
	That's like Friday.
	What's that?
	You heard me?
	No, not the first part.
	How no?
	The mix in this is a lot louder than freaking July 4th.
	We won't be here.
	True, I've been trying to, So that's not happening.
	But a bunch of the nearest fireworks.
	There's no fireworks in my little suburb.
	I don't know.
	Unless you write Black Lives Matter on them, and then there is a July 4th.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Let's just put up a let's just start writing Black Lives Matter on everything we want to do.
	I'm going to carry around a Black Lives Matter sign.
	And when someone goes, sir, you can't be here, I'll be like.
	Go back, go back, go back.
	Boo!
	What's that boo?
	Like an electric tom?
	Some weird zoo-zoo machine coming up.
	Boo!
	Morgan from outer space?
	that's a real like a oddly distorted guitar American woman stay away from me American woman mama let me be I'll come a hanging around You know, we used to do like on Day of Canada.
	We'd go to, we were in Ottawa, right?
	And she'd go to Hull, which was just over the border.
	Ottawa's on the border of Quebec, and uh, and I'll show you the map, don't worry, of Quebec and Ontario.
	And if the beer was cheaper there, you could drink when you were 18 as opposed to 20, wait, 19.
	Quebec was 18, Ontario was 19.
	So we'd go there, but we'd dress up like fucking lunatics.
	And this guy, Andrew Geddes, he like we dress up like monsters.
	I don't mean we'd dress up a little, but it was like a rave.
	Like we'd have a maple leaf this big on our head and stuff and Canadian flags and like ski boots that were impossible to walk in.
	We'd be boiling alive on July 1st in ski boots, like the stupidest fucking costumes imaginable.
	And one time Andrew Geddes dressed up as a little sailor boy.
	He was very small, right?
	So he had on knee-high white socks, deck shoes.
	He had a blue sailor suit with the tie here, like the bow with the thing on the back, just like the blue bell boy or whatever that is on some sort of kid.
	Yeah, maybe cracker jack kind of vibe.
	And then he had on a little sailor hat.
	Yeah, that's what he looked like.
	But with short sleeves and tiny shorts.
	And he was like shorter than you, if that's even possible to live outside of a circus exhibit.
	And it was funny, right?
	And it made a good part of our entourage, but we're all dressed up like fucking drunken idiots with mullets and wrapper on sunglasses and stuff.
	And he's our little sailor boy.
	It made sense in the group as the A-team, right?
	Like it was almost like the Avengers or something.
	But then, you know, it's mobbed.
	Ottawa and Hull are mobbed on July 1st.
	And after waiting in line, by the way, we wait in line.
	All the bodegas in Quebec are called dépaneurs.
	All the depanuers are packed.
	So you wait in line and then you go through the beer fridge and you come with the line.
	So we'd hang on the beer fridge, just cooling out, drinking, stealing beers, drinking and stealing at the same time, sitting on a bunch of fucking two-foursisty.
	And then we had a good buzz and it had about three kink cans and we're starting to get hypothermia, we would pick up some beer and leave.
	Anyway, you can imagine there's a lot of hullabaloo, including the time Peter Zabo went up to some dude and was like, what's up, man?
	He's got a cigarette in his mouth.
	What the fuck, dude?
	And Peter, by the way, didn't dress up with us for some reason.
	He was a preppy and he'd have on like polo and stuff.
	It bothered me, to be quite honest, but whatever.
	In the grand scheme of things, it looked kind of funny to have freak, freak, freak, freak, normal preppy guy, rich kid, freak, freak, freak.
	So he, it was also a shit show.
	The guy was a bull in a China shop.
	So it was funny that he was the preppy of the gang.
	But with a cigarette hanging in his mouth, he goes up to this guy and he's like, what's up, dude?
	And he grabs him.
	And he's a big, huge beast of a man, Peter Zabo.
	And he knocked the guy down in the hugging.
	And we have no, he'd never seen the guy before.
	What are you doing?
	You want to know a major detail with this story?
	The guy had a fucking baby backpack.
	Oh, no.
	Like the little baby had his hands on his little shoulders.
	So when Pete knocked him down, the baby fell out of the backpack.
	Oh, my gosh.
	And we all went, oh, shit, and just ran.
	Pete's on his own.
	You're going to jail for murdering a baby, you fucking drunken idiot.
	Hope you didn't.
	They are retarded, and in some ways, they're geniuses.
	That's a perfect place for that.
	Here's a pet peeve of mine, by the way.
	I went to this pro-Canada thing.
	Get to know Canada when we went on vacation in Niagara Falls, which was a weird choice of vacation.
	My kids hate our vacations.
	We go to like Colonial Williamsburg, Niagara Falls, Krass's Dial House.
	It's never anything fun for them.
	We go to like the Legoland or Legal.
	Where we just were, a weird motel in North Fork called the Cliffside Resorts with just mulattos and fat white chicks that they fuck.
	Terrible.
	I don't know, because it's rich people who own the condos and then poor people who rent them.
	So it's a strange combination.
	But these two mulatto dudes were playing with a beach.
	So their fat chick girlfriends were just sitting looking at their phones with their cellulite on their lawn chairs after they had sat in the water just holding hands with them like this, staring at each other.
	And then the two, they were twins, by the way.
	These, what are you supposed to say?
	Half white people of color?
	What's the new word for mulatto?
	So it was longer.
	Mixed doesn't do it.
	You're mixed.
	So I'm just going to say mulatto.
	Guess what they were doing?
	They're in the pool.
	They've inflated a beach ball.
	That's okay, I guess.
	And they're going like this.
	Maybe three feet apart.
	Boop bop, boop bop, boop bop boop, boop bop.
	Sometimes they'd go boop and they'd almost miss it.
	That's scary.
	And they would laugh then.
	That's funny.
	I almost didn't hit the beach ball three feet back to you.
	At least Puerto Ricans go boogie boarding.
	Yeah.
	Believe me.
	The more I learn about the world, the more I realize Puerto Ricans are not at the bottom of the barrel.
	Oh, not even close.
	They're at least third.
	What do you think about this?
	I bought this.
	I'm already annoyed and I don't know what it is.
	You bring it to the beach, and you blow it up with just air.
	I don't know why they're not showing the fucking product.
	Like, in use.
	Wow, what a pathetic marketing.
	They're not showing the product, Ryan.
	Because it sucks.
	No.
	It's like a stool softener, they just show people having a good day, they don't show them shitting on the streets.
	They don't show the shit just oozing out of their butthole.
	That's a good theory.
	Yeah, I'm gonna be this guy at the beach and then you lounge, man.
	I think I'll make some friends at the beach like that too.
	They'll be like, what's that?
	You can do more work than a lawn chair.
	Yeah, you burn some calories.
	Oh, yeah, buy inefficient products because you can burn some calories.
	Play these eyes by the guess who.
	What was that you're showing with the gun?
	At Niagara Falls, they have the history thing.
	At Niagara Falls, they have the history.
	That you were talking about?
	Oh, that's a really cool thing to check out.
	That's fascinating.
	Problem is, though, when you have three kids, you want to sit there and read every single one of those.
	Niagara Black.
	Plus, we have to have the black history of Niagara.
	The three black guys who were there.
	Yep.
	So that's where you went?
	Yep.
	Nice.
	That's where we saw that stupid, shitty Scottish thing on, it was all about the history of Scotland.
	And it was so fucking crap.
	They yelled out a few poems.
	They talked about St. Andrew.
	And that was it.
	And I thought, here's what you do, fuckheads.
	You show, you just steal this from the internet.
	You can steal from Wikipedia all of the inconsistencies with the movie Braveheart.
	Like the love interest at the time would have been four years old.
	That's fun.
	The guy who betrayed him, Robert the Bruce, didn't really betray him.
	That was a different time.
	That kind of shit.
	He was at the same time as Robert the Bruce, but the argument for Robert the Bruce's betrayal was that it was a tenacious move that helped forward him to a point where he could run Scotland.
	By the way, the English tried to give Scotland Scotland, and they fucked it up.
	And then they said, okay, well, get a committee and come up with the king.
	And then they said, England, can you help us?
	There's some culpability with Scotland there.
	But anyway, sorry, tangent here.
	So I'm in Niagara Falls, and that was a different visit.
	No, I guess it was the same visit.
	No, the museum you just showed me was Colonial Williamsburg, wasn't it?
	No, no, no.
	Okay, it looks like a museum in Colonial Williamsburg.
	I've never been, I don't think I've been to that museum you showed.
	But at this pro-Canada thing, they said, hey, Canada.
	And they did a bunch of dances and they were dressed like this or whatever.
	And then they said, hey, and it had some bunch of songs.
	And the songs were like, you like Miley Silas?
	Miley Cyrus?
	Well, guess what?
	Her producer is Canadian.
	And it was all this like super American stuff like fucking, what's the most American thing in the world right now?
	Kanye West.
	Yeah, Justin Bieber.
	Kanye West?
	Well, Justin Bieber's from Canada, right?
	His stylist is from Winnipeg.
	And Justin Bieber is from Canada.
	And it was all this really popular American.
	The godfather, the boom, my godfreeder.
	The godfather, the word father actually comes from the Canadian for fatter.
	And it was like, I don't, I don't, and I remember this in high school.
	They'd say, define Canadian culture.
	And you were supposed to write things like, well, I'm not Elvis Presley.
	This is the analogy I always use.
	This episode is going to be a little repetitious because I'm drunk and I've talked about Canada many times.
	I call it the Elvis' brother syndrome.
	If you said to Elvis' brother, who are you?
	He would say, well, I'm not the Pelvis guy and I'm not Mr. Rock and Roll and I don't have blue suede shoes and I don't have a hound dog and I'm not Mr. Karate.
	And you're like, yeah, yeah, I don't give a fuck.
	I know who Elvis is.
	Who are you?
	And so so much of Canada's identity when they get questioned is to say what isn't American.
	And I think that's their obsession with diversity because they think that America is KKK town.
	So they're going, we'll be the opposite of KKK.
	Unfortunately, that's based on the assumption that America is KKK.
	Whoops.
	So yeah, this whole play was like all these American things, but we have fucking cool stuff.
	Like Stomp and Tom.
	No, like let's jump to Quebec here.
	I'm jumping down a few.
	Plume la Traverse, which means feather of the traveler.
	And he was a, he was a, hold on, he was a hippie in the early 70s in Quebec, which is all French.
	He barely spoke English.
	But he was such a raunchy hippie.
	He was kind of punk rock.
	Now, punk rock, when it first began in like 76, was just, you could look like that.
	You didn't have a blue mohawk.
	You'd have pajamas and rubber boots.
	Frank Zappa was kind of punk rock.
	It was kind of pre-punk punk.
	And this was Plum.
	And there's nothing remotely American about this song, Bobby Pin.
	So it's a Bobby Pin like you put in your hair, but it's about a woman he calls Bobby Pin.
	How about singing Bobby Pin?
	Okay, fine.
	I'll try it.
	I didn't sing that for two years.
	I'll try it, just for you and for everybody here tonight.
	Okay, and all over Canada.
	Okay.
	That's notable.
	He's doing an English accent, and there was some animosity there.
	It's sort of like blacks and whites.
	So that's sort of like a black guy saying, yo, all right, I'm going to do this song, and I'll do it for all of America.
	Let's do it for the South.
	Oh, I see.
	So he's sort of like, here you go, white people.
	And his song is from Bobby Finn for his mother and his father and his La Pan.
	Is that Geraldo Virevera?
	No, that's Peter Servinsky.
	What the fuck's his name?
	Stravinsky.
	He was a Peter Kizinskeko.
	Kizinskeko?
	Nope.
	Look at that.
	Peter Kwinski?
	Kaczynski?
	Kizinski.
	That's what it says.
	Yeah, he used to...
	In Canada, you have free government-funded radio and TV, just like the BBC in Britain.
	And I used to set Grawalski?
	Peter Growalski?
	I used to set my alarm to him because I would get so fucking mad that I would shoot out of bed in a rage.
	So like I would turn, my alarm would come on and it would be like, the term refers to duct work.
	So it was named duct tape, but we call it duct tape today.
	We're going to talk about why we call it duct tape.
	And it was such a great example of what the kind of radio you get when you can't be fired.
	A whole segment on duct tape versus duct tape.
	What was his name?
	This song is so good that it's like sans parents couched on la cuisine.
	El utilise la perfume terre bantain.
	Her perfume was paint thinner, and her parents slept in the kitchen.
	bobby pin Her daddy works in Ontario.
	Her mother flies to the rock show.
	Who's that?
	Bobby Pin!
	He's adding English.
	Okay, now I'm worried you guys think I'm full of shit and Canadian music sucks because you don't get Plume La Traverse.
	I thought that was pretty cool.
	Like, that's not easy.
	He was a really weird kind of poet, dude.
	Look up another Plume La Traverse.
	He was like a drunken hippie poet guy that no one outside of Quebec got.
	That's the thing about Quebec.
	It's sort of like Glasgow in that it's such esoteric culture that it couldn't translate anywhere else.
	This is 85, I believe.
	I don't know how to go 70s.
	Oh, recount.
	Wait, go back up there.
	What's that one?
	This one, you now we're cooking with gas.
	Oh, succumb.
	Drunk as a boot.
	I'm sitting at the bar, not far from the bar.
	I look at the black label dance See, they've had their own powerfully nationalistic folk scene.
	That's the funny thing about Quebec, too, that they're kind of PC hippies, but they're fierce nationalists.
	I mean, when Jacques Perizot realized that they had failed to separate in, I think, 92, he said in French, who's responsible for this?
	We all know.
	The English and the fucking immigrants, because he was wasted.
	And they have a thing called pure lane there, means pure wool.
	And they only want you if you're French.
	You can be black.
	It's not about that.
	It's not racial.
	Which is why I found it so weird to come here and see everything was about race because I grew up where everything was about language.
	But the new sort of nationalist Quebecois are the cowboy fringe.
	The fringe cowboys.
	And it's kind of a double meaning because it means cowboys with the fringe on their jacket, but fringe also means what it means in English, which is like on the fringe.
	So they're saying like we're the cowboy, the edgy cowboys, I guess, the troll cowboys.
	But they're a really popular band that is incredibly talented that is only possible in Quebec.
	They have zero following outside of Quebec.
	And meanwhile, they're millionaires.
	They're huge.
	But look up Shooting Stars.
	The link was broken.
	Shooting stars.
	Which link?
	Is it Cowboys?
	Mabel Sophie, I want to see Les Etoiles Philante, which means Etoiles are stars.
	Philante's shooting stars.
	Welcome to the me listening to my favorite song show.
	it's off the record The songs have such a huge progression, too.
	Like they get, they're kind of like the Quebecois pogues because it gets more and more intense sometimes.
	Day of Canada, Steve.
	You can buy this album and you still enjoy it.
	I enjoy Latin maths.
	I like that and the last one.
	Plume de la Traverse.
	Jump ahead about a minute.
	No way ahead.
	I guess this doesn't have the progression to crescendo I wanted.
	I think this is their first album.
	They're big.
	And even if we know that everything is done Okay, look up the one before this, Mabel Sophie.
	My daughter's name is Sophie, and I was determined to learn this on piano.
	That's the kind of thing you say you're going to do, and you'll never fucking do it.
	I didn't do it.
	But it has this great opening where it's like, It's good when you have friends over just to have this song in the background.
	To carry all the weight of destiny So they have two singers.
	sometimes they have a female singer they're big band So it's about a woman looking at a crying baby.
	I may tear up.
	I'm warning you.
	You know how you see a crying baby and they're fucking hysterical?
	And you think, for something like, for me to react that way, the entire human race would have to be obliterated and Jesus would have to be proven not to exist or something.
	Like, Jesus Christ, take it easy, baby.
	So she says, stop.
	Arrête de proté tout le pois de destin surtend d'eau.
	Je séré uncour la démais même si il fait pas poubeau.
	Stop wearing all the weight of fate.
	But it's better in French because it says tout les pois de destin.
	She says all the pounds of destiny on your back.
	It'll be.
	I'll be there again tomorrow, even if the weather is not better.
	Even if it doesn't fais both.
	So even if even if tomorrow is a bad day, we're all still going to be here.
	It's okay, Sophie.
	Stop crying.
	Isn't that beautiful?
	It's very nice.
	Some things are very much better without translation.
	Oh, thanks.
	Yeah.
	I know what you mean, because there's this Japanese song that I like.
	You read the words and you're like, that sucks.
	The words are brilliant.
	She's carrying all the pounds of destiny on her back.
	And you don't have to.
	Stop crying.
	I'm still going to be here tomorrow.
	And it's also kind of a parody or a double look at the way we see babies crying and we feel the stress.
	Because we go, oh my God, you're fucking hysterical.
	You must be being stabbed.
	There must be a gang outside coming in here to murder you.
	And you realize, no, they're just slightly hungry.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Stop crying.
	What the fuck was I thinking?
	I'm going to learn this on piano?
	I don't play the piano.
	I thought I'll just learn these chords and the lyrics and play them at some party we have.
	That's fucking vain, by the way.
	Excuse me, everyone.
	I've been working on a song about my crying baby daughter.
	And if everyone could put down their drinks and come to the piano room.
	We had a piano room.
	And did you just picture everybody like first they're drinking?
	and they're just like, "What?" And then you play and then they're like, Souton tour.
	I'm looking at the woman who helps my wife do Pilates.
	Il va être le rencor du mer.
	Même s'il ne fait pas beau.
	Holy shit, no wonder I didn't learn it.
	I'm not a fag.
	The why of things.
	I'm getting nervous now, actually, to be frank.
	I won't show you my favorite band from Canada.
	Do not, do not, do not.
	Sloan Underwhelmed.
	We also had a good indie rock scene.
	They were from Halifax, I believe.
	She was underwhelmed.
	If that's a word, I know it's not, cause I looked it up.
	That's one of the skills that I learned in my school.
	I was overwhelmed and I'm sure of that one'Cause I learned it back in days too old When I was young She said you was funny, I said you are funny She said thank you and I said never mind Got you over the right Isn't that a great line?
	She told me affection had two F's, especially when you're dealing with me.
	What are you looking at?
	I want to add this to my songs.
	And then there was from Edmonton SNFU, great hardcore scene in Canada.
	Mr. Chai Pig, Chinese guy, and his hockey composer buddies.
	And they had a hit Cannibal Cafe.
	Cannibal Cafe is Edmonton now, which is sort of like Winnipeg, but not as harsh.
	I don't have any Winnipeg.
	Oh, guess who are Winnipeg?
	This is just a picture.
	but it starts up very slow with the cafe We never opened for them, unfortunately, I don't think.
	But it was the same time frame.
	But this one, Nazi skinheads were everywhere.
	And they hated SNFU because the singer was a chink.
	So they would come to our shows.
	We would book them.
	was a club.
	Oh, turn it up.
	I didn't listen to a hardcore at the time, but to me right now it sounds like soft pop.
	I didn't listen to a hardcore at the time, but to me right now it sounds like soft pop.
	I didn't listen to a hardcore at the time, but to me right now it sounds like soft pop.
	Anyway, the Cannibal Cafe, won't you come to the only place where you can be the special of the day?
	Anyway, these skinheads would show up at shows, and Chai Pig, who has a great song he did called Dad, My Hair and Me, because his dad, it's not on my list, his dad hated that he was a punk chink.
	I think he's since gone crazy.
	And his dad terrorized him for it.
	Every punk kid went through that.
	Their dad hating their hair.
	My Dad, My Hair, and Me by Who?
	Dad, My Hair and Me by Chai Pig.
	No, you're rice balls, dude.
	You know, Dad, My Hair and Me.
	And it's CHI.
	Oh, so he had his own pig.
	I mean, he had his own band after SNFU.
	So this is 90.
	Probably about six years after the last summer.
	So anyway, Skinheads would just pause for a sec.
	Skinheads would show up at these shows ready to kill him for being Asian.
	Because the funny thing about Nazi skinheads in Canada, which whole other show was a phenomenon generated by the government, where just like the SPLC, in their quest to find hate, they actually fomented hate and created a Nazi skinhead scene.
	Unfortunately, the Nazi skinheads in Canada had no Jews, blacks, anyone to deal with.
	So they would attack...
	I hope not.
	They would attack like the randomly half-Asian singer of a band from fucking Edmonton.
	Oh, he doesn't look like he's doing so good.
	That's not doing great.
	unless that's bad pits come and you're gay So the crazy thing was, so we'd be at this tiny club about that big, and he was just ready to throw down.
	That's a thing people don't get, and we'll get to that in our hosier section, is that Canadians will fight at any time.
	And I believe it's hockey related.
	They're very polite, they're very kind, but fighting is not a big deal.
	That might be why I'm so banned.
	It's a cultural difference.
	I seem violent because I'm ready for a fight.
	In fact, I have to go boxing because there's no real-life fights in America.
	Whereas in Canada, it happens every time someone burns your new fucking shirt with a dart.
	Anyway, that's very interesting.
	Okay, last song before I...
	Yeah.
	I'll come.
	Because I got better lips today.
	Awesome.
	So, here we are in the fucking airport.
	The flackin'Tim Hortons right behind him.
	Ummm...
	No, I just gotta...
	Okay, so we'll take a break.
	Good time out.
	Good time out.
	Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
	Okay.
	It's not good.
	I saw there's a documentary on him.
	I'm hoping he's just troubled.
	Like, I might do that with Guinness Foam.
	What's this one now?
	Boy, I'm old.
	He became an old white redneck?
	Pretty good.
	Okay.
	Before we leave the song section and I take you to my wonderful homeland, just to be clear here, my parents are Scottish.
	They moved to England right before I was born.
	I was born in Hitchin, right near Tommy Robinson.
	Lived there for five years.
	We moved to Canada in 1975 to Ottawa, Ontario.
	And then I moved out of the house when I was 18 in 1988, moved to Montreal.
	Left Montreal in 99, moved to New York.
	And I've been there ever since.
	So I feel an allegiance to Scotland, to England, to Canada.
	But within Canada, moving from Ontario to Quebec is a much bigger move than England to Canada or Canada to America.
	So I would argue I've lived in England.
	Scotland we went to every summer, right?
	So I feel allegiance to England, Scotland, Ontario and Quebec.
	I feel that those are two, they're in the same country, but they're so fucking different.
	And then America, of course, which is not very New York.
	New York is not very American.
	Anyway, boring.
	So Canada also has a big sort of a country scene, which probably looks like American mimicry.
	And in many ways it is, but that's ignoring Calgary and Canada's deep-seated cowboy culture.
	I mean, the Calgary Stampede is one of the biggest rodeos in the world.
	Now, Stompin' Tom is an East Coast nigga, but he's still beautifully Canadian.
	And I was kind of reluctant to show this because I'm avoiding anything that looks like you're trying to be American, but Stompin' Tom may have a cowboy hat, and he may sound like he's ripping off country songs, but he's also, because I'm not denying those things, he's also intrinsically Canadian.
	So this is Big Joe Muffara.
	50 mile radius of the city of Ottawa.
	Here's a story that takes us back to about 120 years ago when a French Canadian lived up that way.
	He made himself a legend in his own time.
	He got buried under a tombstone for a while until a fellow named Stompin' Tom went up that way and heard a few of the tall, tall tales and wrote a song about Big Joe Muffraw.
	Hey, hey, hey, ho!
	The best man in Ottawa was Muffarawa Dole.
	Muffarawado.
	Big Joe Mufferaw battled in the Manawa on away from Ottawa just one day.
	Hey, hey!
	On the river Ottawa, the best man we ever saw was Big Joe Mufferaw.
	The old folks say Come and listen and not tell you what the old folks say.
	Can you get me another Canadian beer?
	sure Mumpara Joe.
	You see, Big Joe used to get real wet from cracking down timber and working up a sweat.
	And everyone will tell you round Carlton's waste, the Mississippi drip off of Big Joe's face.
	You hear that?
	Big Joe's face.
	He get kind of wet from working all day and digging up a sweat because he would, you know, he would drink a lot.
	And he would sweat.
	And the Mississippi started from Big Joe's face.
	Oh, damn.
	Yeah.
	He sweat that much.
	He would be drinking booze, too.
	There was a fire that started around Smith Falls, and he drowned out the fire with five spitballs.
	Damn.
	What are you doing?
	Smith Falls.
	You're showing us your computer, you fucking tard.
	Just get back to the song.
	Is there a Smith Falls fire?
	Is that real?
	Let me see this video, please.
	The path he wore became the Rideau Canal.
	That's how many times he walked back and forth to see that gal.
	The path he wore became the Rideau Canal.
	Make it small like it was.
	Big Joe Moppa paddled in the Mattawa all the way from Ottawa in just one day.
	Hey, hey!
	On the river Ottawa, the best man I ever saw was Big Joe Moppa, all the old folks say.
	Come and listen and I'll tell you what the old folks say.
	You see, Big Joe put out a forest fire halfway between Renfrew and Ol'Arnspire.
	A forest fire he put out?
	He was 50 miles away down around Smith Falls, but he drowned out the fire with five spitballs.
	Oh, so the fire was not in Smith Falls.
	He was in Smith Balls.
	It was over by Earnprior.
	Most of these are not true, by the way.
	He jumped in the Calaboge lake real fast.
	He swam both ways to get a cross-eyed bass.
	Lay threw it on the ground and said a canny death.
	So he covered it over with Mount St. Pat.
	He did not cover it over a fish and create Mount St. Pat.
	That's not true.
	Stomping Tom was also a compulsive liar.
	Displaced.
	No one can drink a bucket of gin.
	And to beat the living tar to 39 men, you'd have to be Charlie Sarone or Angelina Jolie or even Lena Dunham or someone.
	There's no way this quote-unquote Big Joe Muffara drank a bucket of gin.
	Anyway, let's hear him out.
	All the way from Ottawa.
	This one day.
	Hey, hey.
	On the river Ottawa.
	The best spammy ever since Big Bole Muffler.
	The old folks say Come and listen and not tell me what the old folks say.
	This ain't Nepi, Nepai, oh, the best man on Ottawa with Mupperado.
	Mupparado.
	So he's from St. John.
	Now he had some problems with Stompin' Tom.
	He's canceled postpartum.
	Is he dead?
	No, he's still going.
	Fuck, age 77.
	He not bananas about the immigrants.
	Worried about diluting Canada's culture, which seemed like a stupid thing to say until Toronto happened.
	And then we went, oh shit, I guess Stomp and Tom was right.
	You can ruin a country with demographics and too much sympathy.
	But I feel like we've talked about this country so much on Day of Canada that I'm getting confusing here.
	You've heard about bands from Winnipeg, Edmonton, St. John's, Halifax, Vancouver, Montreal.
	Where's where?
	So let me take you to the country of Canada and just give you a dummy's guide to the second largest country in the world after Russia.
	Thank you.
	How's it going, eh?
	I thought I'd take this time to give you a little tour of the old fucking Canada.
	The great white north.
	And you're going to have to excuse the swearing, not just in this segment or on this show, but in general for coming for me.
	But the culture of Canada is Scotch-Irish.
	The people who couldn't handle the cold, they went south to America.
	The Scots, the Irish, they didn't have a problem with the wet and the cold, so they stayed up there.
	And you'll notice the accent, even the A. The A is a Scottish thing.
	What's going on?
	A?
	So part of that is the bad words.
	Like in upstate New York, in the book How the Scots Invented the Modern World right there, Arthur Herman, we hear about things that were called like Hunt Creek and Shit Mountain and fuck hill.
	Thomas Sowell claims that this sort of ghetto culture, this low-grade, rude, over-the-top, offensive culture, is actually the freed slaves mimicking the Scotch-Irish.
	Anyway, let's start with the East Coast, shall we?
	Wait, wait, before we do, one thing you have to understand here is this is all shit.
	Even like this high is a nightmare of bugs.
	The spring is like an hour and a half.
	The winter is unfathomable.
	Like so fucking cold.
	Well, we'll get to Winnipeg in a second.
	But So the only thing you can do is skidoo and hunt.
	And if you don't do that, you lead a miserable life.
	So if you look at a topographical map of Canada at night, you see that no one really lives much more than like 40 miles from the border.
	Okay, so sticking close to the border, let's go over to the east coast.
	We basically don't have a lot here.
	This is Trailer Park Boys.
	Trailer Park Boys is in Halifax, right?
	This is St. John's.
	St. John's, this was all Scots who settled this.
	And this was big for cod fishing and everything.
	And they were successful fishermen.
	It was a relatively lucrative province, Newfoundland and Labrador.
	St. John's is actually in New Brunswick, like with Halifax.
	But the cod just died.
	I heard the same thing happen in Canada recently.
	That was the end of that entire part of the world.
	This part of the world is extremely poor.
	And lots of welfare.
	When you call up something about government stuff, someone over here, some newfield, Newfoundland, we used to call them newfies.
	It was like newfield jokes.
	They were stupid, I guess.
	Everyone's so stupid now, though, that they don't do that anymore.
	We used to do newfield jokes.
	Americans would do Polak jokes.
	They don't do that anymore.
	We've been out stupided.
	Anyway, so this is poor.
	And the interesting thing about Halifax is it's pretty black.
	Lots of racial tension there.
	My buddy got beat up for wearing a Jamaican sort of a wristband thing.
	But Halifax was the end of the Underground Railroad that the slaves took.
	So the slaves went out here, ended up in Halifax.
	There was even a town called Africaville.
	It's gone now.
	And this place is a fun place to visit when you're older.
	Check out the bars.
	The people are great, really talkative, which must be the Scotch-Irish thing.
	But as a young person or someone watching this show, if you have kids and stuff, you're probably not going to want to go here.
	This probably isn't for you.
	So I would just erase this entire half or this entire portion of the country.
	Now we get back to the only French province in the country, Quebec.
	Everyone here speaks French.
	Here in Quebec City, they don't speak fucking English.
	The only people that speak English are here in Ottawa.
	I mean, sorry, Montreal.
	Ottawa is actually in Ontario, but it's right on the border, so it looks, it's hard to see.
	And by the way, speaking of nightmares, this is livable.
	Laval has a few English in it.
	Montreal is pretty bilingual.
	As soon as you get up to like here, it's hell.
	So we only really managed to eke out this much.
	This is about an hour from the border.
	Montreal.
	Sorry, this is about an hour.
	So you go another hour north and you're in the tundra.
	But Montreal is heaven.
	It's kind of too late to go there now because it gets so fucking hot and humid.
	It's like Florida.
	But in the spring, the women there are stunning because the French originally sent priests to go down there, missionaries.
	And they said, hey, Indians, you need to worship Catholicism.
	This is a guy named Jesus Christ.
	And they went, sure.
	Ripped their throats out, ate their hearts, ripped off their fingernails, put wood splints underneath their fingernails just to torture them, killed them all, ate them, cut them up, had fun with them.
	So then the French sent the military, and the military did a good job.
	They just said, accept Catholicism or die.
	It was a jihadist movement, really.
	And it worked, and they established a French colony.
	But there was no chicks.
	So King Louis XIV had these women called Les Fides de Roi, the woman of the king.
	And he thought it was just like all the garbage, all the trash.
	But they were so uptight back then, it was actually all the brassy brads, like the Joan Rivers and the Eva Mendez and the Sarah Silvermans.
	So the kind of fun, sexy chicks.
	Then they started fucking the Indians.
	So you have French prostitutes and sluts and funny chicks with like the native Indian thing.
	So you get this kind of a face.
	Like, I can't really see my face right now, but I imagine I look super hot.
	Big full lips, slightly oriental eyes, long black hair, tits.
	Whenever we would have bands stay with us at our house in Montreal, they would say, I'd say, what do you guys want to do?
	Anything.
	And they'd always say, we want to get king cans, usually bud, I'm afraid, and sit on the stoop and just look at chicks.
	Okay.
	I do that all day anyway.
	We're in.
	Sitting on the corner watching all the girls go by.
	All right.
	So Montreal is basically, if we're talking about visiting, Quebec City is good if you've got some money.
	I'd say if you're like 34 and up and you're already in a relationship, you and your significant other, your newlywed wife, should go to Quebec City.
	Even in the winter, it's super cool because it's not that cold.
	You're right on the water there and there's like toboggan hills and they have this bonhom de Nege guy, a big snowman who walks around and there's an ice hotel, hotel made completely out of ice.
	It's cool stuff to see, but it's not a young man's game.
	None of this, none of this.
	So basically, by the way, we've only done Halifax as a town, which I don't really recommend.
	Quebec City, sort of if you're old.
	As far as our viewers go, Montreal is the only town I've recommended so far.
	If you zoom out, Canada is really just Montreal, Toronto, and Vancouver, as far as what you want to check out.
	That's the only places you should get a plane ticket to.
	Anyway, go back a little closer.
	So Ottawa, don't check that out.
	That's where I lived the most of my life.
	I moved there in 74, left in 88.
	And it's a government town.
	But because Pierre Trudeau, Justin Trudeau's father, demanded that everyone be bilingual, it's all French people.
	Because bilingual means I speak French without an accent and some English.
	It doesn't mean I speak English and perfect French, but with a bit of an accent.
	You have to have perfect French to be in the government.
	I don't know why.
	But there's only one French province.
	We just finished it in a second.
	So everyone in this town is boring.
	But I got laid a lot in Ottawa because the women are still les fit de roi genetically.
	So you actually do pretty good with pussy in Ottawa, surprisingly, there's almost nothing going on.
	In fact, I think one of the reasons I'm so incredibly fun is because it was such a funless town.
	We invented fun.
	Like Tuesday nights was Nepean Sports Plex night, where we'd go in our pajamas to the sportsplex and jump off stuff.
	We changed into bathing suits, jump off the fourth tower, these big diving towers until we got kicked out.
	And we always had to bring party crackers.
	Dumb rules like that.
	Kind of the same kind of culture that started the Proud Boys.
	So yeah, that's enough of Ottawa.
	Fun parks, though.
	Great lakes.
	Great places to hang.
	Like Ottawa, Montreal here with these lakes and Ottawa, the little small lakes around there in the Gatineau Mountains.
	You just like, it was so fun.
	You would just sit in a lawn chair in the water with a six-pack floating next to you and just piss.
	You wouldn't have to get up.
	You wouldn't even know you were peeing after a while.
	Maybe that's why I wet the bed.
	Sorry, maybe that's why I wet the bed present tense.
	All right, so zoom out a bit.
	Now there's nothing going on except Toronto, which is here.
	This is about four hours away.
	Montreal is about six hours from New York City.
	Ottawa is inconveniently located because of highways because no one wants to go there from America.
	So it's like eight hours, nine hours.
	Toronto is a good 12 hours from New York City, but four hours from Ottawa.
	Toronto is the most diverse city in the world, and it fucking blows chunks, I'm afraid.
	And the women have zero fi de roi in them, so there's zero sex going on in Toronto.
	Not a ton of partying, not a lot of...
	You got to understand that Toronto was just a tiny little town like Albany in the 70s.
	But the French decided they wanted to separate.
	So they blew up a building and started killing people.
	They were called the FLQ, the Front de Libération de Québec, the Quebec Liberation Front.
	And when they started killing people in the early 70s, all the English of Montreal, mostly Jews, in other words, all the money, left Montreal, left Quebec devastated, and made Toronto, which was Albany, into New York City overnight.
	So culturally, they got whiplash.
	And the men regressed into this form, superhoser as fuck.
	And the women were like, I'm a raver.
	I'm sex in the city.
	I'm Metropolitan.
	I'm the Dolly Parton in 9 to 5.
	I'm a working gal.
	It's just been a complete mess.
	I don't know, man.
	Getting late in Toronto is a chore.
	You should see my friends show me their swipes, like on their dating apps.
	And it's like 25% hideous trannies, like your dad wearing makeup level trannies.
	All right, now we zoom out, and there's nothing.
	There's just tiny little towns forever.
	Go back to the normal look of the map.
	Right.
	All right, so we've done Montreal, no, not Ottawa, forget Ottawa.
	We've done Montreal and Toronto, and now you want to go to the next town.
	It takes four fucking days of driving to get out of Ontario.
	Zoom out.
	Way out.
	So you're driving from here.
	This is all Ontario.
	This goes on for infinity.
	If you're a young man here, by the time you get to here, Alberta, which is Winnipeg, you have white hairs in your beard.
	Winnipeg blows, I'm afraid.
	Winnipeg is so fucking cold that when you meet people from Winnipeg, you go like this.
	Hey, man.
	It's like meeting a Vietnam vet who was in the shit.
	Like you want them to talk about it, but they're probably not going to want to talk about it.
	Mosquitoes there that you could put your dog on and he'd ride off into the sunset, like the never-ending story.
	Now, one cool thing about Winnipeg is the northern lights.
	Dude, this is one of my favorite things about Canada.
	You know how I was saying all this is shit, all the high-up stuff?
	It is, but we would tree plant up here in northern Ontario and northern Quebec, all up here, the top, basically.
	And you go out of your tent to take a piss at two in the morning, and it's like God has these undulating shower curtains that are infinity tall.
	Like they take up the universe.
	I think it helped lead me to deism because you just think, this is not a shooting star.
	This is not a solar eclipse.
	This is the entire universe as you know it, undulating, multicolored rainbow shower curtains with like sprinkles and sparkles.
	It's fucking crazy.
	I've seen it about three times, maybe four times in my life, always in the north.
	And fuck, man, I'm so happy I've seen them live.
	The internet can get pretty close, but when something takes up the universe, it has an impact.
	So you'll never go to Winnipeg.
	I went there hunting a few times.
	It was super cool.
	But again, the mosquitoes almost murdered us.
	Saskatchewan, you're never going to go there.
	You have no interest in Regina or Saskatoon?
	No one does.
	Alberta is very interesting.
	Alberta has a Texas in it called Calgary.
	There's a Calgary Stampede, which is a rodeo.
	They got tons of oil.
	They carry around guns.
	Same with Edmonton.
	Very right-wing.
	They used to have a thriving economy when this guy, Ralph Klein, ran the show.
	He was probably the best guy that has ever existed in the world of politics.
	I would happily blow his corpse right now.
	One time he was on TV and some bum goes, hey man, can I have, as he's being filmed, he just reaches his pocket, grabs a change and goes, get a job, throws him the change.
	And he shut the government down.
	He said, you're not getting involved in oil production.
	We're not paying these stupid taxes.
	And it just, it started thriving.
	Last time I was in Calgary was sort of the peak of this, and it was like being in Zurich.
	Now the leftist government has gotten involved, taxed the oil to death, and now it is Detroit.
	Thanks, guys.
	Edmonton is very similar.
	I don't know why, but the weather in Edmonton isn't bad.
	Like, compared to Winnipeg, which is closer to the border, Winnipeg is a fucking tundra.
	Edmonton doesn't seem so bad, and Calgary's just fine.
	And this is, you talk to these guys, and they're rednecks.
	They're not even hosers.
	Hosers are Canadian rednecks.
	These hosers are rednecks.
	And then Edmonton is a little more metropolitan, but similar.
	This would be Dallas, I guess.
	And this would be like Paloma, Texas, or something.
	This has a West Edmonton Mall, the biggest mall in the world.
	That's kind of freaky to check out because it's like a city that's a mall.
	There's even like a theme park in it.
	And I mean roller coasters and everything.
	But whatever.
	Unless you're really into malls, you're probably not going to go there.
	So Calgary, I used to not recommend it, but yeah, just sort of like Quebec City.
	If you're a couple and you're 35, you're newlyweds, it might be a real trip to check out Calgary.
	Especially the Stampede.
	Okay, now we zoom out again.
	And nothing, nothing, nothing, except for Vancouver.
	And actually, I said the North sucks.
	It's so temperate here that Northern BC gets pretty nice too, even up here.
	They really say A a lot up in British Columbia, Prince George.
	So that's worth checking out if you're a nature buff.
	But zoom in here.
	More, more, more.
	Now, of course, you have this sort of Pacific Northwest bullshit with Seattle being two hours away.
	Vancouver also has a huge problem with junkies.
	A death a day.
	So it's totally normal just to be walking over a dead body as you're walking around Gastown in Vancouver.
	Indians, too.
	Indians are like bad news in Vancouver, man.
	They're obviously drunk all the time, but they also want to fight you.
	And you'll notice when you go into a bar in Vancouver, a beautiful Native, not a Native American, I believe they're called First Nations up there, will start flirting with you.
	And you're like, wow, you're like a tall Asian with olive skin and you're super into me.
	No, she's trying to pick a fight.
	She's trying to get her boyfriend to beat you up because it turns her on.
	So if an Indian girl comes up to you at a bar in Vancouver, go, ha ha, okay, alrighty, I'm actually over here.
	So, but I appreciate the compliment and thank you very much.
	Okay.
	So Vancouver is a fun, hippy-dippy town.
	Lots of potheads watching TV in the day, but cool mountain bike trails and great places to swim and hang out at.
	But you know what's really stunning?
	And this is, and Vancouver is super fun to party into.
	Although they have, when I was there, they had a really early curfew, but you could get around it by joining some dumb yachting club for $10.
	And now you're a member, right?
	But go west, young man.
	Maybe zoom out.
	Vancouver Island, Victoria.
	No, not Nanaimo.
	Here, Zoom out.
	It's just across.
	Yeah, there we go.
	Victoria.
	These seem really far away.
	It's like an hour ferry.
	They're very close.
	Victoria is fucking stunning.
	It's sort of like Florida, like a hippie-dippy town, but not political the way Berkeley would be.
	But everyone goes to the dock to watch the sunset every single night.
	Beautiful sunset.
	Stunning.
	Very quaint little town.
	When I was there, there was no crime, but definitely worth checking out if you're going on a trip.
	So this is not exactly a road trip kind of a country.
	You do not want to go from end to end.
	I think if you want to visit it and you're young, zoom out now.
	I think of one separate trip could be Vancouver and Vancouver Island, Victoria.
	That's one trip.
	Calgary, if you're an old couple of newlyweds that appreciate cowboy stuff, you want to see it in a weird context?
	No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	uh Maybe if you have friends there or something.
	It's just like a very clean New York.
	And without black people.
	Oh, no.
	Actually, there's plenty of black people.
	And then Montreal is a yes.
	Quebec City, the same argument that Calgary has if you're old newlyweds.
	And then I wouldn't bother with any of this.
	It's not worth your time.
	That's Canada.
	So yeah, Stompin Thompson is from St. John's.
	He is dead.
	He died in 2013, 77, at the age of 77.
	I was wrong.
	But I'm sure the cowboy hat is confusing.
	But I'm not going to explain it to you.
	Okay.
	I mean, on the one hand, we're ensconced in American culture.
	On the other, we helped create it.
	The funny thing about America, Canada that I love is it's new.
	Got its national anthem in, what, 1980?
	It got its flag in 69.
	All this stuff you talk about, we can't really claim the War of 1812 where we burn the White House to the ground.
	That was Britain.
	Dude, we're not going to the mailbag for a fucking Coons Age.
	I don't know.
	I got a lot of shit to talk about.
	But Stomp and Tom, that was the guy we just saw.
	He's a very Ontarian guy, despite being from the East Coast.
	So there were these awards you would get in Canada called Junos.
	That was like the Grammys of Canada.
	And Stompin' Tom won six, and then he noticed that people like Justin Bieber, well, not Justin Bieber, this is the 70s, sorry.
	He noticed all these turncoats were, all these people who moved to America were winning all these Junos.
	And he's like, either you compete in America with the Grammys or you compete in Canada for the Junos.
	You can't have it both ways.
	You left this country.
	Oh, is that him packing up his Junos?
	Yeah.
	Cool.
	All right, so you keep showing that while I read that.
	So he sent them all back to the Junos.
	By the way, he never took that hat off, including when he met the Queen.
	Damn.
	And the only way that Buckingham Palace could justify it was they said, it's like a religion, I guess.
	Gentlemen, I am returning here with the six Juno Awards that I once felt honored to have received and which I am no longer proud to have in my possession.
	As far as I'm concerned, wait, I can't believe I'm not doing his voice.
	As far as I'm concerned, you can give them to the border jumpers who didn't receive an award this year, and maybe you can have them presented by Charlie Pride.
	I don't quite get what he's saying with that.
	I think he's saying like all your racial pandering and you choose the one black guy probably who does country music.
	I feel that the Junos should be For people who are living in Canada, whose main base of business operations is in Canada, who are working toward the recognition of Canadian talent in this country, and who are trying to further the export of such talent from this country to the world with a view to proudly showing off what this country can contribute to the world market.
	Until the Academy appears to comply more closely with aspirations of this kind, I will no longer stand for any nominations nor will I accept any award given.
	Very truly yours, Stomp and Tom.
	The thing is that they are taking opportunities away from the people who choose to be proud to live in this country and to do their work here.
	Disillusioned, Connors walked away from the spotlight.
	And that was the end of him.
	He died on his farm in Aaron, Ontario, northwest of Toronto.
	Frick.
	So the thing I love about Canada is even when there's rich, there's nouveau riche.
	And in Britain, I was always disturbed by this East London guy going, you know, you don't expect people like me to be at a party like this.
	I was like, why?
	Because your accent.
	So you have an East London accent.
	You don't belong at a party with rich people.
	That's fucking gross.
	Because the thing I loved about when I moved to Canada is we moved, I moved there with a big onslaught of Indians.
	Rajif was a common name in my class.
	But they all, and I was British, so I was into like fucking soccer and shit.
	And instantly, we assimilated hockey shirts, fucking guess who, disco sucks, hockey, how's it going, A?
	Maggie Longclaus is pregnant.
	Me and Rajiv lost our accents in about six months.
	We were happy to be there.
	And it's a classless country in many ways.
	And I mean that in the best way possible.
	And not only do we not look down at our southerners, our rednecks, our hosers, but we fucking love them.
	And you'll hear like Stephen Harper, he had a hoser accent.
	He'd be like, hey, how's it going, eh?
	All right, fuck.
	So today we're going to be, I don't know, just doing them with a bunch of taxes shit.
	I was down.
	I said this on Brotherhood of the Traveling Rants.
	I was down in fucking America there with that black dude in the White House talking to fucking Obama socks, whatever his name is.
	And we talked about all kinds of shit.
	That's how everyone talks.
	And there's been attempts at snobbery in Canada, but it's always laughable.
	So I'd like to take a little time out to celebrate, there he is, fucking Stephen Harper, witness, bruh.
	He was our greatest prime minister.
	I think it is important before people vote that they understand the true size and importance of this issue.
	The federal liberals are, as you know, planning to do what the Ontario Liberals want to do provincially.
	By the way, not just on the pension plan.
	We'll get to some of the other things in a moment.
	His intelligence compared to Justin Trudeau is alarming.
	Disturbing.
	Imagine just him and Justin and Stephen Harper with questions like, what's the population of Britain?
	How many people died in the Vietnam War?
	What is an aglet?
	Just playing, oh my God.
	Stephen Harper and Justin Trudeau playing Trivial Pursuit would be amazing.
	There are many answers to that question, and all of them are right.
	This is from today.
	If firing up the barbecue or heading outside with the kids, this is a chance to reflect on where we are as a country.
	Hate that word.
	Thanks, Justin.
	But throughout this pandemic, we've been there for one another.
	Because that's what it means to be Canadian.
	We're neighbors helping neighbors.
	Small businesses, men and women, protecting the most vulnerable.
	Doctors and nurses keeping our families healthy.
	My friends, Canada's success is because of its people.
	People like you.
	People who strive to live up to our shared values of peace, equality, and compassion.
	People who believe in the strength of our diversity.
	And people who know that it's only together that we can build a better country.
	These aren't words.
	Fucking safe place.
	Pussy alphabet soup.
	Someone stuffed alphabet soup up a woman's vagina and she's excreting it out of his mouth.
	Did he see his fight again?
	Larry Fryers fought last night from Puerto Rican named Braza.
	Larry Fryers?
	No, not Larry Fryers.
	That's the guy from our gym.
	But Justin Trudeau fought a guy, and I'm reluctant to concede.
	I think he did pretty well.
	Huh.
	What are you looking at?
	Boxing shit for brains.
	Staggering.
	Well, as his dad said, just watch me.
	Trudeau pounded his opponent with a series of haymakers.
	Oh my god, my mother's lost her temper.
	Look at the flailing.
	This is like a Kim Jong-un fight.
	Do you think he threw blood casting in his nostrils or gone?
	He definitely threw the fight.
	Did you see his party's windmill?
	Wait, I want to see the actual fight, though.
	Go Justin Trudeau boxing or something.
	I hate you.
	I hate you.
	Okay.
	Mikey McDonald's and Justin Trudeau full fight.
	There's another one.
	But there's the most views.
	The other one had the most views.
	Let's look.
	Okay, go back.
	Patrick Brazo with wait.
	Patrick Brazzo appears to be about 92 years old.
	Mikey McDonald.
	Okay, I don't want to see him fight my great-grandfather.
	It's the other one.
	Otto Ontario fuck.
	That's the fight we just saw.
	Yeah, this is the full one.
	Patrick Brazzo.
	I mean, he's a big guy.
	How he got a great reach.
	Oh my god.
	He moves like a sissy.
	He moves like a sissy.
	How do you wear shorts like a sissy?
	This is a girl fight.
	He looks like a girl.
	Cat fight.
	I'm actually getting pointy because pretending to be chicks who are fighting over me.
	Every men and Tia Carrera both want my car.
	What?
	You're hugging him out in eight seconds into the first round?
	I need a break.
	Oh, my God.
	This is unbelievable.
	I don't think he trained at all.
	This is celebrity.
	It's literally sled defense.
	No, I don't think there's going to be any knockouts.
	So is this a novelty event?
	I think he was doing this.
	Oh my God.
	I had remembered it.
	I remember being kind of impressed that he was willing to fight on a public stage like that.
	I guess I've never seen it before.
	Oh my God.
	My wife and my mom have had enough of each other.
	Mom, calm down.
	Blobs, chill out.
	She made a vodka joke.
	It's okay.
	She's not calling you an alcoholic.
	They're both slightly shaped too.
	Looks like their gas tanks are empty.
	All right.
	This is a very long app on Day of Canada.
	It's probably going to be late, right?
	I'll try to make some I'm trying to work some magic.
	Let's, um, that's him?
	That's him.
	I said he was a separatist when he was a kid.
	By kid, I mean 20-year-old private school kid.
	A separatist from masculinity?
	Nothing on the cheerleader.
	Rich Montrealers are the worst.
	All right, so let me define opposers for you.
	These are our quote-unquote lower-class people, and America loves them.
	And this is, I mean, sorry, Canada loves them.
	This is one thing I resent about America is how much they hate Southerners and rednecks when these are the people who, I don't know, you should be hanging out with every day.
	Like in Canada, we see these people on a daily basis.
	So let's start with Out for a Rip.
	This is Canada in a nutshell.
	And this is why I hate when the Beastie Boys shit on Fight for Your Right.
	And they say, oh, that was just a phase.
	We were making fun of jocks.
	No, you were being your trashy self.
	And that's an important part of everyone's self.
	And it's an important part of everyone's country.
	Cheers, boys.
	Sorry about the bud.
	I'm from the great white north, right?
	Like up above the state, yeah.
	The big left, like 17 million views.
	We're like above that.
	Fucking north, I guess.
	The big patch of trees where everybody's bored to death.
	We're just chilling up here.
	Sipping syrup, playing hockey.
	Before we learn to walk, we can cross-check properly.
	Dance rock and flat jackets, chainsaws, we operate them, right?
	We do, bud.
	We caught our weight in firewood.
	Every 20 minutes or so, small grape.
	And if the leaves make the playoffs, I'll fucking jump in the lake.
	Fucking buddy comes over to my place the other night.
	He's like, wanna go out for a rip?
	And I was like, fucking hurry.
	Y'all.
	So we hop in the truck and hit the mud.
	And I was like, oh, fuck yeah, bud.
	This is Prowboys in a nutshell, too.
	This is the white supremacist threat that is getting everyone banned from normal society.
	Just out for rip.
	Tato gun.
	Just out for rip are you mud.
	Just out for rip.
	Just out for rip are you mutton.
	Just out for rap.
	I come from the man to the polite.
	Where shit's covered in ice.
	And when I'm down in the states, they're like, you're too fucking nice.
	Like, yeah, we got matters.
	But fucking buddies still fight and fucking swear and fucking drink all night.
	Like this one time.
	Me and fucking buddy are out hoping to dart and fucking buddy burns a hole in my coat.
	And I was like, fuck bud.
	Cause the coat was pretty new, right?
	And he's like, fuck you.
	So I put his head in the snowbank.
	Just started fucking feeding him.
	There ain't left.
	Like, fucking boom, boom, boom.
	Yuck, ya, ya.
	And he's like, okay, okay, fuck, chill out, shit.
	So I pulled him under the snow and we went out for a rest.
	Yeah.
	That's great.
	Yeah.
	That sums it up.
	I'm polite to you, but if you burn a hole in my coat with a dart, then I'm going to fucking start feeding you until you've had enough.
	Let's go to the trailer.
	So that's, I guess that's Northern Ontario.
	Let's go to the trailer park, boys, over in Halifax.
	And because you've seen the map, you know where Halifax is now, right?
	Fucking Ricky.
	I've never express myself sometimes when I need to be properly different.
	Fuck.
	number one we're on probation which is no big deal but you know i don't really want to go back to jail and number two or three or whatever number we're on you know he's getting all frustrated and I don't care.
	Just remember, Leahy, what comes around is all around.
	Don't you mean what's all around comes around, Ricky?
	It's pretty effed up if you can't leave our daughter with my father for half an hour.
	Well, it's pretty effed up if the last time Ray took care of Trinity, she came home all effed up.
	She had a few effing drinks.
	Leahy, knock, knock.
	Who's there, Rick?
	Mr. Stupid-y Head, that's fucking pissing me off right now.
	Thinks he's the captain of the shitliner, and by the way, your fish sticks suck, so fuck off.
	Best knock-knock joke I've ever heard.
	What the fuck are you looking at, huh?
	Don't fucking stare at me.
	Leave my cat along.
	Don't fucking stare at me.
	He's gonna give us homemade hot dogs when I finish putting the signs up.
	Why don't we give you some homemade fuck-offs right now?
	Wait, don't make me big school words.
	Just use normal people words and I'll understand what you're talking about.
	Hey, Sam, knock, knock.
	Who's there?
	Get the fuck off the stage, you idiot.
	Spongebob.
	I'm gonna start stealing those knock-knock jokes.
	Yeah.
	Mr. Denial and Error, probably say knock-knock.
	He'd say, who's there?
	And you'd say, you fucking idiot, tell you to fuck off.
	That's what I'd do.
	Look, little prodigus.
	This piranha wreck.
	That's what I said, Prodigus.
	But the other thing is, it's a catch-23 situation.
	It's not a ladybug, it's a cannabillar.
	Same as some of those sweet and powered chicken things.
	And getting caught masturbating sucks.
	Like, I got caught masturbating in jail seven or eight times, and it really sucks.
	Make like a tree and fuck off.
	But you make my words.
	I'm going to get my grade 10.
	It's hobby ports.
	That's trailer park, boys.
	Fucking hash drivers.
	And we love our Southerners.
	We love our rednecks.
	We love our hosers.
	I wish America loved their fucking Southerners.
	Fubar.
	That's Calgary.
	Fubar is an incredible movie.
	Fubar too, I'm not a huge fan of.
	Wait, go back to the bar.
	This is time coded for a reason there, bud.
	This is a mockumentary about hosers in Calgary.
	That's where my wedding.
	Give her.
	You just, you go out and you give her.
	Like, you work hard.
	That's what's that.
	Is that a plan?
	Yeah, that's a plan right there.
	We used to party a lot, but not so much anymore.
	Whatever, whenever we do get together, it's fucking awesome.
	Whoa.
	He he he.
	He he he.
	Gee, I...
	Gee, I...
	I want...
	I want some blood.
	I want some blood.
	I couldn't fucking babysit my fucking giant nut all day.
	You know, just fucking sit there and watch it and hope it doesn't fucking roll.
	You could die, do you understand?
	You could die!
	AHHHHHHHHH!
	Look at those underwear.
	They look translucent.
	So the Diener is a big part of that.
	What was the other guy's name?
	It's funny meeting those guys too Because I met those I love that movie We wrote about it in Vice And I partied with those guys And they were You know They were Drama guys They're awesome dudes Don't get me wrong But they're not as Trashy as that Go to the
	dinner Right below that This is Dave He built a cottage Out east of just I don't fucking care Like I ain't alone I'm part of like 39 and a half million Fucking people All together So You know Drinking my Canadian beer It's half owned by Americans Pilsner?
	No Fuck off This is from fucking Leftbridge Yeah they sold out About 10 years ago Well I don't fucking care I got 36 more to finish And The better half The water parts from America Well we got the water Oh fuck It says you're made Leftbridge by unions Coors Coors
	I don't know.
	I buy grapes from fucking Indochina and blueberries from Mexico even though I'm in a blueberry patch.
	Well, it don't matter.
	Like, Pilsner's German anyway.
	All right.
	Let's fucking end it with some...
	Before we get to the mailbag, my two favorite hosers, starting with my new favorite hoser, Larry Enticer.
	Just gonna send it.
	Gonna be a good day.
	Just gonna send it.
	He's wearing a Canadian tuxedo.
	Y'all thought wrong.
	I'm just gonna keep on sending it.
	Let's crack this baby open.
	He is between the ages of 14 and 70.
	No, that's not fair.
	14 and 60?
	55.
	He's between the ages of 14 and 55.
	Just gonna send it.
	Nothing better than waking up with a half-decent chick beside you in the morning than waking up with a fresh cold beer and fresh layer of snow on the ET.
	I'll take waking up with a half-decent-looking chick beside me.
	Gonna be a good day.
	I'll tell you about that time I woke up super horny.
	And then you had, like, imagined...
	And I was like, God, I guess I'm gonna beat off.
	Jesus.
	Wish I had some six next to me.
	And then I looked to my right.
	I brought this girl next door, six Jewish girl home, and had forgotten.
	I was like the kid in Animal House.
	Thanks, God!
	Did you fucking send her?
	I just fucking sended it.
	I don't have any beer.
	They don't have beers, man.
	Going for 16 feet, but that's just from takeoff to landing.
	That's just a number, I'm going way past 16.
	Tell you I'm a freak.
	Here we go, 69.
	Fuck.
	Oop.
	Bit of an impact there.
	Ooh, that'll knock the wind out of you.
	Did you send it?
	He puts his hand down.
	Piece of shit, you hear me?
	Okay, that's enough of that.
	I'll show a fuck.
	And then of course, Pug Life, you got to throw in there at the end, fuck.
	His nice little trailer.
	I'll have him on my old show.
	Great fucking guy.
	Great fucking guy.
	There's so much Scottish culture in this.
	Like this could be the Gorbals.
	Oh.
	Wow.
	Oh, shit.
	Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
	Hey, yo.
	Jesus.
	Oh my lord.
	Ju oh, Dukes of Hazzard, just gonna send it.
	No.
	Oh no, I didn't turn it.
	Your jumps have to stay intact, guys.
	There you go.
	Greetings.
	You're good.
	God, that looks so fun.
	No!
	No!
	I love when the jump attacks them.
	Great, what was that?
	Nice, that was a good landing.
	Oh.
	Remember the guy who was racing around the, around the old airbags?
	Remember the property?
	He wiped out and knocked himself out?
	And they give him a pillow?
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	We had that on the show.
	Give him a fucking pillow.
	Yeah, he needs a pillow.
	That's what I need when I have a Look at that perfect landing.
	Beautiful.
	I can't get one, you can't shoot me up right.
	Oh, he got him in the dank.
	Yeah, he's the antler.
	Dude, this is my adolescence.
	At the Earl of March High School in Canada.
	Oh, shit!
	State Park.
	it's these kids' go-karts they get that they add a real motor to.
	Nice landing, dude.
	That was beautiful.
	All right, let's, Jesus, we've gone way over.
	This episode is probably not going to air until the early 2021s.
	Let's go to the fucking mailbag, Estee.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our fries together.
	Let me touch.
	Just gonna send it.
	Oh, we're having email troubles.
	Are you online?
	I think so.
	I got a lot of the warning signals there, eh?
	Am I on...
	Yeah, that's showing up, right?
	Anarchy ends.
	Seattle police to clear out chop.
	A lot of un-Canadian news going on.
	All right, so here's my idea.
	Fuck.
	I'm just going to focus on Canadian news.
	Maury?
	Maury?
	My email is saying, can you enter the password for gavin at crtv.com?
	I'm afraid I can't because I got fired.
	So that email's done.
	I'm going to have to give you a cancel on that there, guy.
	Okay, this is from Chris.
	Gavin, I just wanted to, I just watched a video of your pal Ezra Levant and his crew trying to film the jerk-offs at Toronto City Hall.
	It's insane how psychotic and violent the left have become.
	I'm at the point where if you support the left, whether you're family or friend, I don't care if it's my fucking grandmother, if you can support this behavior in any way whatsoever, you're either a complete piece of shit or a complete fucking retard.
	Either way, I'm done with you.
	The Civil War has started, my friend, even in Canada.
	When this shit really kicks off, I hope the Proud Boys can occupy a nice little chunk of land and start the new country, Proudville, where you will, of course, be president and Ryan will be the mayor of Fagtown.
	I don't see that.
	I will move there in a heartbeat.
	Oh, Ezra, okay.
	Here's a link to the video in case you haven't seen it.
	Fuck.
	You're going to go in Ottawa.
	Just pods.
	In Ottawa, in the Ottawa Valley, we end every sentence with fuck.
	Like, oh, you got a poutine snow globe.
	Fuck.
	Hey, Ryan has terminal cancer.
	Fuck.
	Fuck.
	So it's looking like he's got, like, I think two weeks to live.
	You don't even hear yourself saying it.
	Nothing happened, fuck.
	I didn't mean my go!
	What would you like us to do?
	F ⁇ off my lads.
	That's what I like.
	We've got another gender.
	Touch my fucking elder.
	Your elder?
	Touch my elder.
	What are you doing is causing a disturbance with everybody here?
	I need to ask you to leave, okay?
	What's your act?
	I don't get what you're doing.
	I need to ask you to leave.
	That's a cop, by the way.
	What is that now?
	Just a screaming card?
	This is a Toronto thing.
	Remember the Faith Goldie had a...
	Poor Menzies, look at him.
	That is not true.
	We need to know it.
	Pretty good, fuck.
	Rebel news getting shattered by the SJ dubs.
	Damn.
	All right, so here's what I'm going to do there, Rygai.
	And you can use this when you get back to the fag zone at home.
	You put in Canada in the subject of the mail archives, right?
	Right, right.
	Now, you're going to get a million of today's notes, obviously, because that's got Canada on it.
	So you whip through down all those.
	And then you start getting letters.
	I got Food Day Canada.
	So I got Nick.
	Nick is right below Chris there.
	Oh, I got Nick.
	Kids allowance is good parenting.
	There you go.
	So do you think giving kids an allowance is good?
	My parents received a $150 government check.
	He spells check C-H-E-Q-U-E fuck.
	As some sort of kids benefit every month.
	They would gift my sister and me the check as our allowance.
	This probably lasted until I was 14.
	$150 a month?
	Hang on a sec, eh?
	Let's fucking do the math.
	$150 divided by four is $37.5 a week.
	That's tragic.
	No way.
	A little kid getting that.
	Whenever I do a bunch of bets with my son back when he was like 10, and at the batting cage we go to, there's like a little tiny circle that the ball comes out of.
	And I said, if you can whip a ball into that and it goes in the circle, I'll give you his 100 bucks.
	And maybe on the fourth visit, he fucking pulled it off.
	So he gave him 100 bucks.
	Guess what he did with it?
	What's that?
	He just fucking bought him his friend's fries at the local diner after school.
	Like, it's not like he needed it, right?
	If you're buying your friends' fries, you're doing okay.
	Oh, that's a handy little metric.
	So age 11, $9.40.
	And this guy is getting 37 bucks.
	That's per week, though.
	Yeah, 37 is per week.
	Oh, okay.
	Yeah.
	What was that?
	That was per week?
	Yep.
	Yeah, it's $150 a month, dude.
	So that's fucking ridiculous.
	That's the great thing about the internet, too.
	You shitty parents can look up what the norm is and realize how far you've gone.
	Okay, here's a letter from my mom.
	Fuck.
	Ready for this one?
	Yeah.
	Why is she sending letters to the mailbag?
	What's the name on there?
	This was sent to Gavin at free speech.tv, which I don't own anymore.
	So you don't have to see this.
	Anyway, from Gavin's mother, much love mom.
	This is how it goes.
	The city that fun never entered.
	Lethargy by the Rideau.
	Everything canceled town, etc.
	I guess she's coming up with synonyms for Ottawa.
	You guys sound as if you're fun and having fun and keep it up.
	Glad the kids are enjoying themselves.
	Your brother's been here for three weeks with some ventures, a couple days.
	Who can blame him?
	Blah, blah, blah.
	It's Canada Day tomorrow.
	And Ray, who's dying, wants us to host an afternoon with his pub friends.
	Your brother took that in hand too and has hamburgers, hot dogs, fireworks, chairs, all organized for the limited number.
	I'm not sure I should be reading this.
	Anyway, should be a good time.
	Canada under Trudeau, Turdo, actually, she pronounces it.
	I should be doing a Scottish accent.
	Canada under Turdo is the usual nothing.
	The only good thing about him is that he is inept and stayed out the way of others as they may have persuaded him to abandon his Tiddlywinks game.
	Much love, mom.
	Okay, sorry, that letter sucked.
	But we're focusing on Canada ones.
	Hey, Gavinator and Sir Fry Rye.
	No mention of Fagtown, right?
	That's good because that place doesn't exist.
	They're just perpetuating a fictitious thing there.
	Question, if YouTube BLM protests, I see thousands of videos, tons of stuffs.
	I can't find any video or photo proof of these hospitals overrun with the sick and dying.
	Even the Spanish flu had tons of photos of the hospitals, eh?
	There's literally nothing out there I can find unless I'm a little downsy and just missed it.
	I just find this very strange.
	Wouldn't you think that CNN would send a cameraman and a reporter to the hospital and all the fancy gear and videotape the carnage?
	Fuck?
	I would do that.
	They do that all the time with famines, wars, accidents.
	Just find this funny.
	Stay safe, boys.
	All the best.
	Happy 4th of July from Canada, eh?
	And that's from the Wolfman.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	You know what?
	That background annoying noise on that clip is actually growing on me, and now I like it better.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	It's sandwiched between a bunch of notes.
	Okay, this is from Prince Edward Island.
	Fuck.
	Right?
	I don't even half see that.
	It's from Brian.
	Oh, I see.
	The subject is argument for all the fucking mutts who want statues removed.
	Check it out.
	This is not some gay shit.
	Hey, Gavin Ryan.
	So over the weekend, I went out to the beach up here in PEI, Canada.
	I met this guy who was in favor of removing the John A. McDonald statue, recently defaced with red paint.
	When he finished his rehearsed lines from whatever liberal hive mine he's connected to, I posed the question, hey, if that's your logic, should we remove the pyramids built by slave labor?
	Or how about we topple the Coliseum?
	I mean, it was used to murder slaves by forcing them to fight and feeding them to lions and shit.
	This guy just ignored my question and changed the subject.
	I let it go and moved on.
	I tried later to post the same question to Reddit on our political discussion and our political opinions.
	Both were promptly removed by moderators.
	So here I am sharing my thoughts with some of the last people on the internet who seem to actually see this fuckassery for what it is.
	I'll post my full draft post at the bottom since it's so damn reading.
	Sorry, so damn, so damning Redditors cannot see.
	Peace out from PEI Canada.
	And then he's got his thing.
	But it's just the same thing that he just said.
	My personal opinion is that this is all stupid and misguided.
	We should not tear down history.
	Please help me understand how this logic of tearing statues does not extend to some of the examples I listed.
	Believe me, there are thousands of years of human history with more examples, like all of Greek Roman history.
	I'm not even including Islamic statues and monuments.
	Maybe we should just nuke them all.
	I just picked the biggest ones.
	In my opinion, I am open-minded.
	Just looking if I could understand.
	Okay.
	Last letter.
	It's called Invade Shirt.
	Gavin, there's nothing in Greenland.
	No, dude, there's a lot of fucking nutrients.
	There's a lot of natural resources.
	There's a lot of shit.
	We need to take it.
	Gavin, there's nothing in Greenland.
	Fuck Greenland.
	We need to take Canada now.
	Their defenses are down.
	We need to secure their resources to fuel our future growth.
	We should not invade Greenland.
	We should take Canada now.
	Thank you for reading.
	All right.
	This extra long Canada, sorry, Day of Canada episode is coming to a close.
	We've got two final videos.
	I think we should do the cop first, eh?
	All right, let me just go ahead and get it.
	I should have done the whole fucking episode in a Canadian accent.
	I swear to God, when I come back and visit my friends in the Ottawa Valley, I have trouble understanding them.
	They're like, fucking, look at Mr. New York rolling up here like fucking Bill the Butcher.
	And I go, I'm sorry, I don't understand you.
	What?
	What?
	What is she?
	four eight I'm trying to bring it up to myself.
	I'm trying to get you saved for the medium.
	premium rubble everyone here you can take a chill pill and see the drugs and get to know me if you will I'm real.
	I'm real.
	I'm real, so chill.
	I get important to catch those drugs deals.
	Everything that works, I get a safe rider after You think your life doesn't matter.
	People wanna chop me up and serve me on a platter.
	Being like another means you gotta.
	I am 100% agree in love and equality and want never to feel free and feel like they could come to me without saying all the stuff.
	I hate this.
	It's the worst thing.
	It's the worst.
	It's like women in the police force is a bummer.
	Midget in the police force is a bummer.
	Police kowtowing to rap culture and trying to seem down with the kids.
	Women rappers is boring.
	Women rappers sucks.
	And whole people ass licking.
	Someone who doesn't normally rap rapping, like a butcher or a fucking parking meter guy.
	I got your meats and I live down the street.
	Fucking.
	I'm an old lady and I like to rap a lot.
	I broke my hip, but I can still get jiggy.
	Fuck you.
	Yeah.
	This is a better one to end on.
	This man in Canada who's on his way home and he should be left alone.
	He's had a rough day.
	He's dealt with a lot of bullshit, filled a lot of fucking forms.
	He's had enough.
	And now he hears his son was caught smoking pots.
	He's got to deal with that.
	I don't need you.
	I need this shit.
	Move it.
	Move it.
	What the?
	Are you serious?
	Why is newspaper as his weapon?
	This is proof, by the way, that birds are dinosaurs, especially Canada geese.
	And your jackets are too fucking expensive.
	They don't have any claws, dude.
	Just grab its neck and twist.
	They got like paddle feet.
	Like those webbed.
	Wait, why is his bag down there?
	Has he already been through this and ran away?
	Oh, he's coming back to get his bag.
	This is fight two.
	Did he throw his bag at them?
	Look at your slutty boots.
	A little dirty.
	See, that's the beauty of Ottawa.
	You get some blood.
	Oh, shit.
	No, I'm going to intend that he didn't get him.
	Wow.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.

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