Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E157 - WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT [2020-04-29 - S02E157 - WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT]

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April 29, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:44:26

S02E157 - WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT [2020-04-29 - S02E157 - WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT]

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	Call and call my phone, thinking I'm doing nothing better I'm just waiting for it to stop so I can use it again It's gonna call you back from you Call and call my phone thinking I'm doing nothing better I'm just waiting for it to stop so I can get back to it How funny family is actually fucking had you in bits Your mum has good jeans but Dads are ripped.
	Dads like no one...
	Betty.
	What's up?
	I think I've wet meself.
	That's Frank from Some Mothers Do Av'em.
	That was my parents'favourite show.
	I was too young to get the jokes.
	Just mocking this beta male who was always wetting his pants.
	He'd go, Betty, I think I've wet meself.
	And my dad would be dying laughing.
	And his beautiful wife would be like, Oh, Frank!
	I hope that television back soon.
	The repairman said it was going to be a big job.
	Well, it usually is.
	Well, it's going to be back for Christmas.
	I'm banking on it.
	Jessica wants to see the Queen.
	She's never seen a Queen before.
	There we are.
	It's all ready now for the tree.
	It's back when you could make fun of beta males.
	He looks like an alpha male by today's standards.
	Well, bring it in.
	Well, I'm a bit tired now.
	Why don't we do it all tomorrow?
	I only want to see it, Frank.
	I love it.
	I'm glad you decided to get a nice big one.
	I've stolen his gestures when I do like a wimpy guy.
	Why did you pull up the most boring...
	Well, we have to see what the tree is now.
	It's not pretty.
	I remembered her being really hot.
	So, let me guess.
	It's a small tree.
	It looks a good one.
	Yes.
	Got the big roads.
	Frank, you bring it in.
	Anyway, that was a fucking waste of time.
	Sorry about that.
	And I apologize on behalf of my parents.
	That subjected me to that mediocre show my entire fucking life.
	We don't usually bring in the New York Post.
	Or show it, I should say.
	Because every single headline is coronavirus, coronavirus, coronavirus.
	We're all virused out.
	I've been hanging around all my friends, all my MAGA dads.
	I got this haircut as a fuck you to all of this quarantining.
	Because I've realized a haircut has become a political statement now.
	You know, in World War II, the blacks were told, everyone was told, that you can't use textiles.
	So, just don't buy any more clothes.
	We need everything for the war.
	And textiles were very expensive.
	So, the pimps would wear zoot suits because they used maximum textiles.
	So, they'd have the big wide pants.
	The hat would be this big.
	They'd have long tails on the backs of their blazers.
	That was the point of a zoot suit.
	This is the new zoot suit.
	We've been told not to go, not to have a barber over.
	And I clearly had a barber over.
	And so, I've been sending his number to the MAGA dads saying, don't tell any snitches, but this is your guy.
	Forty bucks each.
	And my eldest boy got his head shaved.
	You know why?
	Because he said to his friends when he's playing Fortnite, if we win this battle royale, I'll shave a hole in my head.
	And they won.
	So, he went, oh, shit.
	And he took my clippers and just went, bzzz.
	And I go, you know, you just shaved your whole head.
	And he goes, no, I can comb over it.
	No, no.
	So, now he's got, now he looks like an egg.
	But, yeah.
	This is something I thought was worth seeing.
	I didn't show you this yet.
	Look at the fucking subways.
	Your eyes are not playing tricks on you.
	That is clothes piled to the ceiling.
	And you know what's hilarious about this?
	So, the reason the bums have taken over the MTA is they're understaffed.
	The MTA police are working on a skeleton crew.
	Ske-crew.
	And we're seeing what happens when there's no policing in the subways.
	Do you remember, maybe three months ago, Oink Oink You Monster is based on the mayor daring that sign.
	We've got to make that t-shirt, dude.
	That's so many t-shirts we have to do.
	We have to do the Get Fired.
	We have to do Invade Greenland.
	And we have to do Oink Oink.
	And the way cops will know we're not saying fuck you is we'll make tears coming out of her eyes.
	Like, really obvious.
	But, yeah.
	So, they said, during those ridiculous protests, they had two basic premises.
	One was, if you get more police in the subway, that's racist because blacks will be disproportionately.
	affected.
	Well, isn't that racist just saying that?
	Because you're saying blacks are criminals.
	Like, don't enforce the law.
	It'll hurt black people because they always break the law.
	And then the second premise, which was bizarre.
	Free public transit.
	The subway should be free.
	What?
	And I looked it up.
	I couldn't find anywhere on earth.
	I think Estonia has free buses.
	But no one has a free subway, dumbass.
	And then, after all those stupid protests, we see they pull down the MTA police just a bit.
	we have clothes piled to the fucking ceiling look at that you can't get past and violence and rape and robbery the subway is forced is is going to hire private security to take care of it did you see that clip of those those nypd cops some fat little black woman just a little chocolate jujube uh was arresting some very strong black man,
	and he kicked her so hard that he kicked her like a soccer ball.
	And she was so round and fat, she rolled like a soccer ball about 20 feet and into the subway tracks.
	Is that it?
	Yeah, there he is.
	Oink, oink, you monsters.
	I mean, she really is like a little pig.
	We having trouble with our player.
	Don't do anything fancy to it.
	Look at her.
	She's can't.
	We got a lot of cop videos on today's show, by the way.
	That's right.
	Break it.
	If you're a male cop and you have a fat little tiny female cop with you, you're in danger.
	My buddy Willie, when he had a little tiny midget of a female cop.
	Look at this, look at this.
	It's about to happen.
	And he said that when he went to something like this, he would just call for backup before he even got there.
	He was sless.
	She's the Ryan Ketsu Rivera of cops.
	Look, look.
	Oh, Jesus.
	That was a long way.
	Yeah.
	Whoa.
	Easy with that third rail.
	Have you noticed women are kind of bad at falling?
	Like when I have the water.
	We should do another unpopular opinions because I've really been piling them up.
	Here's one I just thought of before we started the show.
	And I'll get to women falling.
	I kind of am not mad at Joe Biden for sniffing that chick.
	If he just sniffed her neck, like if it was my daughter, I guess I'd beat him up.
	But it's not the end of the world.
	Like, I worked with gays in advertising.
	They'd grab your ass and joke around about fucking you.
	I mean, you're with someone who might be president one day.
	There's going to be some hijinks.
	And she probably smelled fantastic.
	Just give them a sniff.
	Let them have one sniff, ladies.
	But yeah, I've noticed women fall weird.
	And they're better at gymnastics than us because they have a lower center of gravity.
	So why do they fall so weird?
	I went to our place in Costa Rica with Shane Smith from Vice.
	We invited all our families down for the year 2000, right?
	That big party.
	We're going to party like it's 1999.
	And his wife was sick.
	She was going through some breast cancer stuff.
	But it's treacherous there.
	And there's rocks.
	And I never brought my kids once because they're scorpions.
	And every time you get cut, it's so organic and tropical that the cut always gets infected.
	Stub your toe, that's getting infected unless you wash it with soap literally four times a day.
	So I would carry around soap in my pocket to wash cuts, little cuts.
	Anyway, on all these crazy trails that got to our house, it was like walking like this on a hill to get to our house.
	And old ladies shouldn't have been even trying it.
	Anyway, sorry, she tripped on a rock and I watched her fall.
	She fell like this.
	Arms at her sides.
	Like, so she fucked up her face because arms were at her sides.
	She fell like a tree.
	I'm like, don't you instinctually put your hands out when you fall?
	Ow.
	Why did you show that?
	Oh, that could have been the end, my dad.
	Holy Toledo.
	I'm glad she can still walk.
	What did you look up?
	Women falling?
	laughter
	You know what I mean?
	Like, even when she fell there, she didn't put her arms out.
	Oh, Jesus.
	Okay, I don't want to watch this anymore.
	This is sadistic.
	You ever see the female skateboarding?
	And here's another horrible one.
	This is a horrible thought I had, and I apologize to God for it.
	But there was a cyclist in Central Park who hit a woman, and she died.
	And I'm afraid, this is very unchristian, but I'm afraid my first thought was, oh, for fuck's sakes.
	I could just see that the psych, a cyclist hits you, you fall on your ass, you fall down, you fall on your hands.
	I bet she just went and hit her head on the curb like a fucking collapsed tree.
	This is a very sexist and cop-heavy show today, folks.
	In fact, we have a whole segment on men and women are different, and let's look at that through comedy.
	But yeah, the streets opened the show.
	That was a song they did with Tame Impala.
	Just came out right now.
	Fun little diddy.
	I haven't listened to it much.
	The streets were the biggest thing in the world and made us a ton of money at Vice Records.
	And then poof, he just disappeared.
	And I was actually looking at his album sales and I think he just wasn't popular anymore.
	And he said, I'm not doing this anymore.
	I'm not selling enough records.
	That's my guess.
	It was just supply and demand.
	He had his moment in the sun and they because his last albums were just as good as his first ones.
	And you know what you should do if you're a band like that that's having a moment in the sun like Sonic Youth were big during Lola Palooza or the Pixies?
	Stop when it starts to go down, wait 10 years and then have an insane reunion tour.
	I think that might be what Mike's doing.
	This might be his comeback.
	And he's got the same phone in this video that he had in Don't Mug Yourself, which must have been 20 years old by now.
	It could taste weirdly better when your life is fucked up.
	I was gonna call.
	It's a good song.
	Yesterday I was at home after I got the haircut and I heard my son, my youngest boy, crying, Johnny.
	And you can tell as a parent what's a bullshit cry.
	It's like a certain octave.
	So I'm downstairs and you can tell what's like a faking to get something cry.
	But I was like, that one has actual tears.
	So I go upstairs and I go, what's the problem?
	He just keeps crying.
	Go, tell me what's wrong.
	And he's just going, and there's actual tears.
	So he's something he's worried about.
	And I go, just tell me what it is.
	I'm being that loud.
	And he starts, he's got a new character that he does.
	He did this character before where when he was freaking out, he'd pretend that he was falling and he couldn't get up.
	It wasn't as a joke, it was for sympathy.
	So you'd say, Johnny, come on, get your shoes, we're gonna go.
	And he'd go, whoa, and like fall and pretend to fall downstairs.
	Oh, ow, and then slip.
	It's like slapstick comedy, really.
	And it was terrible acting.
	It's like when you see these soccer players or basketball players pretend they're hurt and they're like, oh, so he'd fall and he couldn't get up.
	So he has a new guy now.
	And it's like the Dickensian orphan who gets beaten every day.
	So I said, just tell me what the problem is.
	And he goes, like I beat him with a pole every night.
	And then he goes into my closet and he's buying my wife's dresses, like our walk-in closet.
	He's buying my wife's dresses.
	I go, tell me what the problem is.
	I'm being that loud.
	And he goes, I've never hit you in my life, asshole.
	You monster, oink, oink.
	A little older than that.
	That's a different.
	That person's gone.
	That's the weird thing about having kids.
	We're like foster parents.
	That little tiny baby, the new Johnny's nothing like him whatsoever.
	So that cute little baby's gone from my life.
	Isn't that weird?
	It's like someone just took my baby.
	They said, hey, your baby's gone, but here's a five-year-old.
	Oh, okay.
	I like that little guy.
	Sorry.
	Can't have him anymore.
	I used to joke about putting the kids in wood boxes every night so they couldn't grow.
	They'd just be these contorted, like Chinese feet.
	I'm still two, dad.
	And then eventually he told me, and it was that his brother touched his iPad.
	And that he's so, I said, okay, bleach wipe it then if you're so worried about germs.
	And I said, go get the bleach wipes from my bathroom.
	And we go downstairs to my bathroom.
	He won't get them for some reason.
	And then we're in my bathroom, my study bathroom, my office.
	And I realize he thinks the floor is gross because there's a piece of New York post that's stuck on the floor from when I had a spill, toilet overflow.
	So he thinks the floor has germs.
	That's why he couldn't get the bleach wipes.
	And I was actually talking to a doctor about it later because I was saying, is he getting autistic?
	And the dude told me that you really got to watch young kids right now because their view of the world is being formed.
	And this is a strange world that's going on.
	So you're going to have a lot of germaphobes, especially six-year-olds, five-year-olds, four-year-olds.
	And then he brought up, you look at old people who were around in World War II when food was scarce and they were rationing.
	And they're super fucking weird about food.
	You know, like 90-year-olds, you'll find like a little dried fruit in their sock drawer and stuff.
	And that came from, what are we at now, almost 100 years ago.
	So all of this crazy behavior and him wanting to bleach wipe his iPad is actually consequential.
	I've got to watch it with him.
	And I'm telling my kids, go play, but I can't find any parents that are cool enough.
	Well, I sort of can, but not for all three.
	You see this in the news?
	They found an alien.
	This is 1.3.
	They have footage of an alien.
	This is very worrying for me because I've always said, if aliens exist, I'm no longer Catholic, no longer Christian, no longer believe in God.
	We have to be the center of the universe.
	God made the universe, made us in his image.
	If there's another place over there that he also made, and we're what, number two?
	That fucks up the whole thing.
	So atheists must want this to be real.
	But it's moving really fast.
	As Joe Rogan points out, rates of speed and violating the known laws of physics and everything we know about propulsion.
	Why was this classified and now it's out?
	We think the aliens died of old age and they're not a threat anymore.
	They're all going against the wind.
	The wind's 120 miles from the west.
	I'm a wall pink, dude.
	I don't...
	I don't have a solution.
	I don't have an explanation.
	I'll tell you one thing, it's not another country building better aircrafts than us.
	No way.
	And then you say, Gavin, you just said that you're not a Christian if aliens exist.
	Have you ever heard of faith?
	You're supposed to have faith.
	And then to that I say, yeah, good point.
	That's weird.
	But I'm not going to deny what my eyes see.
	Like that guy, Tam the Bam, in Leadhill, Scotland, who told me a story about seeing on the news that they are going to have a man on the moon when he was a little kid.
	And his feather said, don't talk shite.
	They're not going to have a man on the bloody moon.
	And then like two weeks later, and a small step for man, a giant leap for mankind.
	We have landed on the moon.
	He runs in the kitchen.
	He goes, da, da, they just said it.
	They done it.
	They're on the moon.
	And he smacks his son in the hand.
	He goes, you believe a man on the telly before you believe you're on theater!
	That man in that story is...
	That's how old that story is.
	Speaking of CNN and crazy conspiracies, one, two, this fucking bitch, I discovered her because she, what's her name?
	Caitlin Polance.
	I think she is the conduit between the FBI and CNN.
	And she is out to get Stone.
	She said that Roger Stone had 50 fake Facebook accounts he was using to spread fake news.
	That's still a lie.
	And so I think CNN's attitude here is to double down, right?
	Because they know that they have a very shaky premise.
	Just like Chris Cuomo, when he said, shit, I got caught in the Hamptons.
	I'm going to pretend that I want to quit in case I get fired.
	This is what liars do, they just keep doubling down.
	So we know for a fact, this is not controversial, that what's his name, the stakeout king, was at.
	David Shortel.
	David Shortel was at Roger Stone's house half an hour before the FBI showed up to take him away.
	He did a 30-minute stakeout that became, brought him the biggest story of the year, possibly of a decade.
	He has never broken any story before or since, but somehow in his gut, he decided to fly from D.C. to Palm Springs, not stake out there at night, not pull in at 8 p.m. and wait for the morning.
	No, sleep at a hotel, have a good time, you know, rent a car, and then get up around 5, head there, 5.30, 6 a.m., boom.
	Magically stalking out, staying out at Roger Stone's home as FBI arrested.
	That's the word for it.
	Magically.
	And he's a little kid, right?
	So I think this bitch is the one who set it up and told him to fly down there.
	She will not stop hammering Roger Stone with lies and lies and lies.
	So this segment, The Turgid Tattletale, Brian Stettler, they sit there and they talk about how many crazy conspiracy theories there are about CNN.
	And the woman that I believe is behind the Shortel bullshit is sitting there going, I know.
	It's crazy, Brian.
	Check it out.
	We have the Mueller probe.
	You know, there's a Hollywood vision of how journalism happens, secret meetings and darkness.
	Secret meetings, that sort of thing.
	Okay, so, Brian, there's no secret meeting, right?
	How did that little runt get there half an hour before the bus?
	Just that's one simple question.
	And remember that when it happened, the CNN woman kept talking to him.
	That chick there, who, by the way, I'm very attracted to in the picture.
	She just kept talking about his great instincts.
	That interview where it says the one you're looking at right now, she talked about his instincts.
	Again, doubling down.
	Anyway, just look, let's look at this CNN.
	People think we get tips from the FBI?
	From the CNN senior report.
	Okay, now I've heard everything.
	According to the Mueller report on Thursday, three dedicated printers on standby.
	That's all we are.
	One of the reporters in that room was CNN senior writer Caitlin Palance, and she's here with me now.
	Caitlin, this was the end of something and the beginning of something else.
	I want to know about the stakeouts that you helped manage for the past 18 months, because people might have heard CNN had a team of young reporters staked out outside Mueller's office, what, every day since November 2017?
	Every day, every weekday.
	Stop.
	Maybe they're trying to obfuscate it because they're trying to sully the word stakeout.
	So in the future, when someone goes, didn't they have some weird stakeout thing that looked really bad?
	Yeah, no, that people said they were having a stakeout outside Mueller's office for like 20 days, which doesn't make any sense.
	And they go, oh, okay, I thought it was something, oh, I guess I'll drop it then.
	We're not dropping it, David Shortel, ever.
	6 a.m. until most of the prosecutors went home at about 5 every day.
	We had, basically, they split two and two, one for the first year, one for the second year.
	The producers' names were M. Steck, Sam Plossom, Caroline Kelly, and Liz Stark.
	They get so much credit.
	And they really saw everything.
	They saw prosecutors coming in every day.
	They saw Robert Mahler coming into the office every day with very few exceptions, a couple exceptions.
	So you did do a statement.
	They really did see witnesses going in.
	They saw defense attorneys.
	We were able to identify how much activity was going on in the office.
	Well, here's an example.
	You all were seeing pictures.
	What was this lawyer's name?
	Tom Green.
	He was a white-collar attorney that was pictured one day coming out of the office.
	You all found out that he was working with who?
	With Rick Gates?
	We did.
	So we saw a photo of Tom Green early on.
	I forget what's going on here.
	Maybe another angle is they're saying we are really good at stakeouts.
	We do have a stakeout gift.
	I think CNN has a whole damage control department, probably mostly broads, that sit there and go, okay, we got a few problems here.
	That stakeout thing with Chartel, we fucked up.
	He should have been parked there like for two days, but 15 minutes, that's not going to go away.
	All right, all right, calm down, calm down.
	We already complimented him and said we're good at stakeouts.
	Let's just keep doing stakeouts.
	And that will just be one of our many stakeouts.
	And it'll just be our most successful one by far.
	But if we could stack some more below it, it'll look more reasonable.
	Okay, let's do it.
	In other words, CNN is a PR firm whose client is CNN.
	And they're constantly doing damage control because they're all incompetent and corrupt.
	Speaking of important news, I don't like these Joe Biden gaffes.
	Remember when Danny Bottaducci fought Barry Williams?
	It was the two guys from the Brady bunch had a celebrity boxing match?
	This was in the 90s, I believe.
	So there's no good footage of it.
	I'm not sure you should bother bringing it up.
	But you're watching a guy who's like 60 get pounded by a fit man, and you're just watching it going, ugh.
	Like boxing is good because they match them up perfectly.
	So you're seeing two men at the peak of their performance nailing each other and digging out punches.
	And you're like, whoa, I got to watch that in slow motion.
	Canelo's a fucking animal.
	Deante Wilder has a nuclear weapon in his fucking glove.
	But this, I mean, this isn't fun.
	I don't enjoy seeing my dad get smashed to the mat.
	It's sad and disturbing.
	It's sort of like when you're watching street fights and you see them jump, kick the guy in the head when he's already passed out and the head is just going bling, bling.
	I hate it.
	Anyway, that's how I feel about Biden.
	Like I'm genuinely intrigued by people who support him.
	I want to meet them.
	Step back.
	If, in fact, for example, we solve the problem in the United States of America and you don't solve it in other parts of the world, you know what's going to happen.
	You're going to have travel bans.
	You're going to not be able to have economic intercourse around the world.
	We just talked over the most important part, shithead economic intercourse around the world.
	You're going to have travel bans.
	You're going to not be able to have economic intercourse around the world.
	There's a lot.
	Look, when America goes alone, when America is first, it's what the fuck is economic intercourse?
	Why would your brain like I would have to be so wasted to say something like that?
	It's fun.
	It's become a guessing game.
	The only fun thing about it now is to figure out what he was going for.
	Does he mean economic interactions?
	Recourse.
	Recourse isn't a bad guess, actually.
	Like when he said all men are created equal, and then he said, you know the thing, the thing was obviously we hold these truths to be self-evident.
	That's an easy one.
	Yeah, I know the thing.
	Thing equals full sentence, basically.
	Thing equals we hold these truths to be self-evident.
	But economic recourse, I think, is better than my guess.
	Yeah, I'm going to go with economic recourse, intercourse.
	I said orgasm on a science quiz instead of organism once, and that was a big problem in fifth grade.
	Great story, Ryan.
	And here's another one, 1-5, where Hillary's endorsing him and saying he's awesome, and he falls asleep.
	Remember, my theory was that he's on Xanax or something, or opioids, and those make you very touchy.
	And that's why he's such a sniff machine because he's like high.
	You know, the way they're always like this and stuff.
	Our women.
	And one out of three jobs held women in our country has been classified as essential.
	So this is an issue that affects all of us.
	They're not sending their best.
	These are not worthy adversaries.
	Jesus H. Christeist.
	Speaking of not sending their best, let's do a deep dive into the difference between men and women and how evident it is when you look at that difference through the prism of comedy.
	I'm just waiting for it to stop so I can use it again.
	Women are different than men.
	They have different brains.
	They look different.
	They act different.
	They have different instincts.
	This has become a crazy revolutionary thing to say, despite what our eyeballs and earholes tell us on a regular basis.
	Now, humor is a great place to showcase this difference.
	John Clees said that the problem with women and humor is that good jokes have an air of mean-spiritedness.
	It's a form of conflict.
	It's a form of sort of, it's almost a mockery of violence in a way when you're messing with people and insulting them.
	I mean, I was just saying to Ryan that I read an article that said that co-workers who have sex in the workplace, they tend to be more productive.
	And studies have shown that even when it's two men who work together and are intimate, even if they're not gay, the production increases.
	So in my joke, I'm essentially threatening to rape Ryan.
	And that's why it's funny.
	Now, a woman saying to her female co-worker, or a woman saying to her female employee, we should fuck.
	It'll be good for productivity.
	It doesn't even make any sense.
	She's not strong enough to rape her.
	And how does a woman rape a woman?
	They just sort of rub their vaginas on each other.
	Get off, get off.
	She just chases her around the room, rubbing her vagina on her.
	Get off of me, get off of me.
	I'm raping you.
	You need a thing to rape.
	You can't rape with a hole.
	Anyway, that's enough rape jokes.
	I've got some fun examples of this, but before we get on to the humor part, 90 Day Fiancé has this weird little mongoose on Adderall who has a Parisian accent, even though he looks Bangladeshi and lives in Australia.
	And he had a seminar telling women how to get laid.
	Hey, ladies, you want to know how to get laid?
	Say yes.
	Out of the hundred times men try to fuck you, say yes to one of them, and you will get a man.
	Jesus Christ.
	So this is obviously fake.
	This is obviously the producers paying people $100 each to come to this fake seminar.
	But that's not why it's interesting.
	Hey guys, how are you doing?
	Hi.
	Bella, nice to meet you.
	Pleasure meeting you.
	Hi, I'm Kate.
	Hi, Melanie.
	Perfectly normal when you're going to do a seminar to introduce yourself to every member of the audience.
	Yes, we do that a lot on stage.
	Yes.
	I just say hi to everyone.
	And I'm just going to be able to do it.
	How are you doing?
	Just pause.
	He's clearly never done this before.
	Jordan Peterson doesn't go, hi, clean your room, to every single person in the auditorium.
	And look at his eyes.
	This guy must be on, what, 40 MGs of AD?
	Ash.
	Hi, Alec.
	Hello.
	One of my friends told me about Ash.
	He sounded like a lovely guy.
	And I've always been interested in the psychology behind relationships and what makes us tiff.
	So yeah, I was just interested to come see what he had to say.
	Good morning, ladies.
	Thank you.
	Thank you so much for being here.
	It will be very, very exciting to be telling you a few things that I have put together today.
	A lot of my work is one-on-one, but seminars are great because seminars are great when the producers of 90 Day Fiancé pay people $1,000.
	I can see the lucrative.
	Lucrativeness.
	I actually looked that up.
	It is on Google as a word.
	We'll see that I'm passionate about helping women find the right man just to make her feel more safer and certain about what I'm doing.
	What was that?
	Is that an Adderall thing?
	Your eyes dry out from not blinking, and you have to sort of squeeze them shut.
	By the way, He's sitting there.
	He's about to talk to women about their brains.
	Women are remarkably closed-minded about their minds.
	They don't like a lot of people, like males, especially white males, we're interested in stereotypes and things you tell us about ourselves.
	Like, you know, that men don't really sleep as long as blah, blah, blah.
	We go, oh, really?
	Hmm.
	But women and minorities, they don't like any kind of stereotype because they think it could be used against them.
	They feel vulnerable.
	Like, I remember Nike noticed that American Indians have bigger big toes than us.
	So they made a special shoe that had more room in the big toe area.
	And Indians rejected it and said, wait, we don't have bigger toes.
	What the fuck is this about?
	And Nike went, us, I'm just trying to help.
	I don't have a big, big, big toe.
	Fuck you.
	And Nike went, okay, sorry.
	Well, we're burning them, but they're done.
	Sorry.
	This is what is about to happen here.
	Anyone of you ladies who are in a relationship at the moment right now?
	Boyfriend?
	No.
	Okay, cool.
	Yeah, they're all single.
	Sure.
	Did you notice, by the way, them lying?
	Producers of these shows are all gay, by the way.
	So he said, when he asks you if you're single, you have to be single, okay?
	So if you ask you to have a boyfriend, just say no.
	And they're so ashamed as they lie, they just go.
	Anyone else?
	No.
	Look at this one.
	She hates lying.
	Okay, cool.
	What I'm going to be talking today about is how to find a man and not kill him.
	Why not kill him is because women don't really understand the different ways that men work in their brains.
	If you think a Parisian man, there is black box.
	Do you see a white marker on a white eraser board?
	You have to trust me is that I'm drawing.
	This is obviously a circle.
	You can tell by my movements.
	So he just said that men's brains are a series of boxes and women's brains are more like scales of a fish.
	They're interlinked.
	That's an interesting theory.
	And that sort of checks when I think of my own brain.
	I definitely have a box that's thinking of sex 24 hours a day.
	And if I'm talking to a dead, obese manatee, it's still like, well, maybe I could fuck it somehow.
	Maybe somehow.
	Maybe my wife dies and you put some lingerie on.
	Who knows what could happen?
	It's annoying, by the way.
	It's not fun.
	Thinking of anything at a time, everything is like, it's going crazy in your brain.
	And for a man, it's going to be different.
	Just pause.
	This is all factual.
	We know it to be true from our own life experience.
	This is why women are better at dishes.
	See, a man can do 10,000 dishes.
	So Thanksgiving, I'm happy to do the dishes for all 15 people that were here because it's a major thing.
	It's like it takes us a while to get into the zone.
	And then once we're in the zone, we can't stop.
	It's like a boulder in Indiana Jones.
	And I say that to my kids all the time.
	I say, I'm getting mad.
	And when I get mad, I can't get unmad.
	Because it's true.
	They push me and push me.
	And then I blow my top.
	And then I can't be fine after.
	But a woman can walk through a plate glass window and say, fancia copper.
	In fact, I remember this happened once.
	I was upstairs visiting my parents.
	And I heard my mom say, why the fuck did you marry me?
	Why the fuck did I marry you?
	And the you was so loud that the windows were shaking and she shifted the entire foundation of the home a quarter of an inch.
	And I went, uh-oh, someone's going to die.
	So I came downstairs, and I swear to God, this was maybe 15 seconds later.
	My mom goes, you fancy a cuppa?
	Would I like a cup of tea?
	What happened to Godzilla who was just here?
	So a woman can go in, clean like three plates, one fork, and do it.
	If we do that, we go, okay, I'm the cleaning guy now.
	And then the plates are done.
	I'm like, oh, fuck, now I'm in the cleaning zone and I can't get out.
	So he's correct.
	But women hate hearing stuff like this.
	I'm not positive why.
	It's only been a few minutes into the seminar and I can feel the room getting tense.
	It was turning into a subject of like, men are this and women are this, which to me smoke shows in this how to delayed seminar, huh?
	And bend over and lift her skirt.
	That's the key.
	I have never gotten that vibe from him previous to the seminar.
	The woman, when there's something small, it tends to get really big.
	And for men, our brain is working very different.
	That's why with men, there is a box in their brain that we call the nothing box.
	And we love to be in the nothing box.
	Fishing, that's what it is.
	There's a million memes about this.
	Like it's two, it's a couple lying in bed, and she's on the other side of him.
	She goes, I wonder if he's thinking about me right now.
	And then they show his brain, and it's just like a dead spider or just like an empty parking lot.
	Why we can fish for such a long time.
	And that means successful because it's based on reality.
	But you want to get in that nothing box and try to start decorating.
	By the way, just pause.
	Why is a guy telling us how to get guys?
	Have you been getting in a lot of men's nothing boxes?
	Where did you develop this skill?
	Is your only qualification that you're a male and you like chicks?
	Thanks.
	Question?
	You talk a lot about like men and women being very different.
	Do you recognize that we all have both inside of us?
	Like we are both masculine and correct.
	He's not talking about that, you dumb bitch.
	He's talking about the general structure of a brain.
	Not that men can sometimes like flowers and be affectionate and women can sometimes be boxers.
	We're aware that there's a Venn diagram of male and female thinking, but it's a very thin sliver down the middle.
	We're fundamentally different because we've had fundamentally different roles for hundreds of thousands of years.
	We've only had feminism for like an hour and a half, but we've been hunters and gatherers for hundreds of thousands of years and women have been nurturing and being back in the cave for a long ass time.
	And no, cave isn't yesterday.
	I was in Israel and there was Palestinians who were still literally living in fucking caves.
	So we haven't evolved that much.
	My impression of Ash is he's quite out of his depth talking to us as if we don't understand the brains of a man.
	So what if we learn to balance the masculine and feminine within us?
	So then there's not really a distinct difference between the two.
	That's the key.
	Zubi was kind of doing this with Saudi Arabia where he says, well, there's good sides and bad sides of all countries.
	And it's, you know, there's things called patterns.
	Okay, anecdotal evidence doesn't nullify the pattern.
	Just because you can think of some exceptions doesn't mean that I can't see with my own eyes that men and women are different.
	And I think women have this tendency to say, Well, we can just, I do male stuff and you, and we're just as strong.
	That's why you see women getting into fights and telling bouncers they're going to beat their ass.
	We'll play a video today where this woman just punches a cop in the head because you think we're all the same.
	The thing is that you can balance them, but you will be always in that essence of a feminine.
	That's true.
	There's different.
	What kind of idiot talks to women and tells them stuff like this?
	I mean, you go up to a bunch of short people and tell them they'll never be in the NBA.
	That's a fact, but you're going to get shat on, dumbass.
	I'll explain that.
	Why are all these men?
	They're very logical about their way of being.
	Hate facts.
	So men and women, there's never.
	I bet most of these girls work on the show.
	I bet we're looking at a bunch of ADs and sound people and shit.
	An understanding on each other's...
	I'm going through a few stuff in my mind that is actually going too crazy.
	Wait, didn't he say that women will think of a thousand things at once?
	They don't know what's going on.
	In the movie, I think it's called What Women Want, Mel Gibson reads this woman's brain because he can hear people's thoughts.
	And he says back to her exactly what she was just thinking: like, I wish a man would come up to me and just say, I'm going to take you out for dinner.
	I love you.
	And he says that verbatim.
	And she goes, what the hell?
	Get away from me.
	And I think that's, it's obviously a fictional movie, but it's a very factual trait.
	Why did you come to this seminar?
	This is so, reality shows are so fucking fake.
	Wait, he's stopping the seminar to go look at his phone?
	What an imbecile.
	This guy's a loser.
	By the way, people on 90 Day Fiancé, if you have to travel to the other side of the world to get a van or he has to travel to the other side of the world to get you, he sucks.
	So if you're a dirt-poor peasant in the Philippines who lives under corrugated tin and your dad sleeps with pigs, the guy that you get is going to suck.
	He's going to have no neck.
	He's going to tell you to shave your legs and brush your teeth.
	He's going to be a fucking loser.
	I just need a moment.
	Your breath is not so good.
	Is he stopping his seminar?
	I've never watched this whole thing.
	I fucked up.
	How female of him.
	He got confronted and he buckled.
	All right.
	So that was just a fun way to introduce it.
	Women and men are different.
	We used someone with the IQ of a fish to do it.
	I think he got too high on Adderall and he had like a mind meltdown.
	What's the next clip?
	So Tony, Tony, Tracy Connors sent me this, and it's a regular feature that this guy, Hollis Miller, this chick, Hollis Miller, does.
	So the reason that we see more male comedians and female comedians has nothing to do with men and women being different.
	It's because of sexism.
	So a super hilarious chick goes to go on stage and the owner of the club goes, no, we don't have chicks here.
	It's 1945.
	What do you think?
	I don't want people to laugh at a comedian on stage here at my comedy club.
	Again, not logical, ladies.
	It's like skateboarding.
	It's a very, very rare ability.
	And when you can do it, you're set.
	If you're a fucking blind, retard, fat chick albino, and you can do an ollie kick flip and get five feet of air on a half pipe, you're in.
	You're in all the skating competitions.
	You've got your van sponsorship.
	It's rare.
	Anyway, so this woman combs through Twitter and tries this affirmative action thing where she shows tweets.
	So what you're seeing now is the funniest of female comedy Twitter.
	Let's see if some of them are actually funny.
	I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby.
	I guess that's a song, a lyric from a popular chick song.
	Me pushing 30, many of my friends have kids.
	So you were singing a song that wasn't accurate to you personally.
	Boring.
	To live a fulfilling life, you're supposed to regularly do things that scare you.
	My anxiety nailed it.
	That's not funny.
	And also, there's this, like these, I had her on my show once.
	I had her on Free Speech, the show I did at the Comedy Club.
	Remember that?
	And she's like 35, has no kids, no prospects, doesn't think that's even a thing.
	Her Indian parents must be going nuts.
	And so she's a miserable, childless person.
	Like my wife doesn't talk about her anxiety and how lonely she is and how she just had four tubs of Hagen-Daz.
	She's too busy with her beautiful children.
	So you're going to see a lot of anxiety, depression, listlessness, sad shit.
	Like when you see Nikki Glazer talking about getting skull fucked all the time, you just think, Jesus.
	And getting ass raped and you're like, you're living the life of a prostitute, lady.
	Okay, what's this one?
	Lately, I've been ordering stuff online just to give me a will to live for four to seven business days.
	That's okay.
	At least it's a joke.
	Me turning my Wi-Fi off and on again.
	I am a woman in STEM.
	Okay, you're just doing sexist jokes now.
	Wearing jeans today like a goddamn first-class passenger on the Titanic.
	I love that their repertoire is always these terrible kiddie things.
	Like their canon includes Harry Potter and some little girl movie like Titanic.
	You can't think of a more adult aristocrat than someone on the Titanic?
	I'm the only adult I know.
	A lot of this like I'm a perpetual kid stuff, right?
	I'm the only adult I know who drinks regular Coke and not diet or Coke zero, and I'm never going to grow up.
	Why are you telling me this?
	Like, if this was your best friend saying this, and he was drinking a Coke, and you're having a BLT at a diner, and she said that, you'd go, Are you going to a marks on Thursday?
	And that's your best pal.
	You're telling me the earthquake busted in here mere minutes after it becoming Earth Day?
	An icon.
	Chrissy Teigen is not funny.
	And she's using drag queen talk to make her jokes.
	Elizabeth Hackett, every woman's wardrobe needs black dress, white blouse, cursed necklace purchased at garage sale that allows her to move furniture just by thinking about it.
	Jeans.
	More Harry Potter jokes.
	Ashley Nicole Black, all I need is someone to tell me that making a bunch of epaulettes and sewing them on all my clothes is a bad use of this time.
	Is that a joke even?
	I'm lost here.
	I got so bored.
	I'm going to sew epaulettes on all my clothes.
	Okay.
	I'm going to put a shoe in the fridge.
	Husband rearranging our throw pillows.
	Me from upstairs.
	That's not how they go.
	Husbands aren't good at organizing throw pillows.
	These are making me sad.
	Wait, is there really a TV show you can win $100,000 just by not having sex for a month?
	I could have won over a million dollars last year.
	I'm lonely.
	Got a fridge full of bullshit leftovers I loathe and resent.
	That's okay, that's just like a throwaway line, but I don't hate it.
	It's not the end of the world.
	It's not funny, but I can see myself saying something like that.
	Whoa, what happened?
	The only thing I'm good at.
	What are you doing?
	The only thing I'm good at when it comes to home improvement and adding another dog to the family.
	There's an okay joke.
	Are these, am I the only one getting depressed right now?
	I feel really sad.
	It's like Debbie Downer.
	Womp, womp, womp.
	I can't wait to go back to avoiding people on my own terms.
	Cinderella, you were always, again, with the Harry Potter Titanic Disney tales.
	Have you not read a book in your adult life?
	Cinderella, you were always my fairy godmother.
	Fairy godmother, yes, always.
	Cinderella.
	So you watched my stepmother horribly mistreat me for years and did nothing?
	And then they have a silent back and forth.
	And then fairy godmother says, look what I can do to this pumpkin.
	That's a well-structured joke, and it's a good point.
	By the way, speaking of good points, I realized the other day that the cop at the beginning of Rambo was right.
	He didn't want Rambo in his town because he sensed that this guy has a potential to do a lot of damage to his town, which is what happened.
	He ended up blowing up a gas station.
	So I know the guy only fucks with you if you fuck with him, but I don't want some drunk teenager going home once and drawing first blood, and the next thing you know, my town blows up.
	So yeah, get Rambo out of your town.
	Go ahead.
	Guy Fieri, stop wearing those shirts with flames on him because we made fun of him so bad.
	That's a good observation.
	This is from Jill.
	Every recipe.
	This dish is super easy to make.
	A thousand spices you don't.
	Two quarts.
	You know what a quart is.
	You never heard of this item.
	Google it, bitch.
	Cookware your parents don't even have.
	Not that kind of flour.
	Yeah, that's a good observation, and I have noticed that about recipes.
	Soap.
	You mean hot cracker sauce?
	That's not bad.
	Soup.
	And then finally, I'm mad about everything and nothing all at once.
	A PMS tale.
	I'd like to make some of these myself and see how they're.
	Women are mad at everything and nothing all at once.
	Is that PMS?
	Am I right, guys?
	As I sit here drinking a sprite with vodka, I wonder how many $17 cocktails I've had that were just sprite with vodka.
	Welcome to female comedy.
	It makes you really sad.
	It makes you want to cry.
	Now, this final clip will show you.
	Some friend of Rich Voss's, I don't know who it is, but she dressed up as a man and did a comedy set to show you.
	Oh, no, this isn't the last clip.
	Go to, okay, we'll show this clip.
	She goes and does a comedy set dressed as a man.
	So to prove that the people that aren't laughing are sexist.
	And if I have a beard on, I'll do my exact same set and everyone will laugh.
	You go picking pussy hairs off your tongue.
	I can't help but I feel like an eat pussy before.
	Is it Bonnie?
	Oh, that's what he cares about so much.
	Welcome, Bonnie Mac ladies and gentlemen.
	Oh, Bonnie McFarlane.
	I get it.
	I love animals.
	I would never buy any.
	I would never buy any product that have been tested on animals.
	Never, because I like to do that myself at home.
	Make sure the control group is isolated.
	You don't know what they're doing in these labs.
	Very loose.
	Guidelines.
	This lady wants me.
	I can totally tell.
	I know I'm weird.
	I'm a weird dude.
	I used to always carry a man purse.
	A merse.
	You ever carry one of those?
	A merse.
	I loved it.
	I loved that merse.
	But I was losing it.
	I'd lose it everywhere.
	I was always leaving my mercy around.
	Wait a minute.
	Wait a minute.
	Just pause here.
	Bonnie does really good when she does stand-up.
	So she's, doesn't she?
	To be honest, I don't think I've really seen it much.
	I've seen her bomb more often than not.
	Not bomb, but just dead silence, but she has confidence as if she's doing good.
	Her book's really good.
	Yeah, it's really good.
	But I just started carrying everything on my person, my pants.
	I only lost my pants a couple of times.
	So that's really working out.
	All right.
	Thank you very much, everyone.
	Good night.
	But is this fake?
	I'm so dubious now because after she's crying, I don't know if that's on the clip, but she's crying, and Rich is consoling her.
	And she's saying, You were the only one that was laughing, and I thought you were laughing at me.
	So I can't tell if they're trying to do a parody of sexism or what, because the bare bones of that is women aren't funny.
	Here, you got it?
	And if your reaction going into you look like you're I mean, I was a little moved to teaching.
	I hate when I can only find the commentary video and not the actual video.
	I don't care if people think women are funny.
	I just don't even care anymore.
	I don't care what the camera's on.
	That's well, if it's real, I'm right.
	Female comedy makes you cry.
	But if it's not real, I don't really get your joke.
	Are you on my side?
	This is an Indian woman doing comedy to a mostly Indian crowd.
	She's one of the ugliest little balloons I've ever seen in my life.
	She looks like a condom full of ice cream.
	And she's here to ask you, why do we have flavored condoms?
	Yeah, man.
	Sweet guy.
	Sweet guy.
	Yeah, but he's really precious, my boyfriend.
	He's really awesome.
	I really like him.
	But, you know, he's into really kinky things, man.
	Really kinky, weird stuff.
	Like the other day, he told me, I want to try flavored condoms, man.
	You want to try?
	You want to eat it or what?
	Has anybody...
	Yeah, he's definitely into weird stuff.
	By the way, this was on my radar because one of the comments below it said, this is stand-up comedy.
	And then Netflix, who put it up, said, if you don't want to hear see beautiful women making awesome jokes, then you can go watch our other comedy specials.
	And then they killed the comments.
	So now you're not allowed to comment.
	The only way women can survive is if no one can criticize them.
	Anybody understood the concept of favorite condoms?
	Why do they exist?
	I don't understand this, man.
	No, but I asked my friend Sunena.
	She's a sex-positive vegan condom expert.
	She's a little bit dressed up as a man to make her jokes.
	And Mr. Potato Head dressed up as a woman to do his jokes.
	She's also a virgin.
	That is fine.
	I have some good news and some bad news.
	The bad news is you need to lose about 100 pounds.
	The good news is it's just above the neck.
	So I was like, man, Sunana, man.
	Sunana.
	Why the fuck do flavored condoms exist, man?
	Suprea.
	Where was Sunana standing?
	On a balcony?
	Man.
	Supreya.
	Basically.
	It's a hard edit.
	She's trying to do She's trying to do a white accent, but she doesn't speak English well enough.
	You wear a flavored khanda.
	Like, if you're going down on somebody, it feels like you're eating a strawberry.
	You know that fruit strawberry?
	I know that fruit ended up becoming a video clip of ours.
	You know what that fruit strawberry?
	Eat that fruit?
	I don't know.
	I know what strawberry is.
	Like, who wakes up in the morning and goes, like, mmm, a chocolate khani gamma charo blow job that applause.
	Here's the other problem with female comedy.
	You need logic to point out something like my Rambo observation, right?
	But women tend not to be great at logic, so they don't understand stuff and then they think they have a valid philosophical question and they bring it up on stage.
	But all the men in the audience are going, some people insist on condoms when they blow a guy because they're worried about getting oral herpes or something.
	It's not my cup of tea.
	I'd rather just not have the blowjob.
	But a lot of young people and sexually promiscuous people, gays, will use condoms for everything, oral sex, even eating out a pussy.
	Latex tastes kind of weird, and we cannot get rid of that taste.
	We've tried having flavorless condoms, but it still tastes like latex.
	So one solution that some people like is you overpower the latex taste with a fake taste like strawberries or chocolate or something.
	And now you don't really have a latex taste in your mouth.
	You have a taste that you're familiar with.
	That's the answer to your ridiculous question, balloon face.
	Who does that?
	All these flavored condoms, man, they come in weird flavors.
	Okay, I'll give you one more chance to be funny.
	Aubergine flavor.
	Tirami Thu.
	I saw one recently, Adrak flavored condoms.
	Did she say ginger?
	Yeah.
	The subtitle said ginger.
	I didn't hear it.
	I hear ginger.
	I saw one recently, Adrak flavored condoms.
	She said drug flavor.
	Yeah.
	She certainly did.
	So not only can you not comment, but the closed captions guy is helping her out.
	Oh, I know.
	Ginger in Urdu is probably dogi or something.
	And now she's talking.
	She's doing the George Lopez thing where he speaks Mexican and everyone laughs because it's an inside joke.
	Wait, that's the same joke you already made.
	That's Urdu, right?
	I don't know if it's Punjabi, Urdu.
	They're a very tribal people.
	There's 9 million stupid languages over in that disgusting oven ship.
	Dung pile of a country.
	And all these flavored condoms, okay, they come with this tagline.
	100% authentic taste.
	Who is tasting these for authenticity, man?
	Who?
	All right, I've had enough.
	Who is?
	I'm going to end up slitting my wrist if we keep examining female comedy.
	And of course, there are funny women.
	I often say women can't write, but in my top 10 writers, about five of them are women.
	Do you understand?
	Anecdotal evidence?
	So we're noticing a general pattern here.
	And political correctness is the blind determination to not notice patterns.
	And it's ridiculous because all we do As humans is walk around noticing patterns.
	Fuck.
	Fuck.
	By the way, those last two videos: the Bonnie McFarlane, possibly crying, which is sort of re-going viral right now, even though it's from 2006, and that weird little balloon Indian.
	Those were both sent by a viewer named Tanner.
	By the way, did you know this?
	I said that we had to work hard to build this pirate ship and have several layers, but one thing I didn't add is that we're constantly having to improve it because we're constantly getting attacked.
	Having to change the name from free speech to censored is nothing.
	We're getting these crazy hack things, DDoS attacks and malware.
	And then the hackers are sort of scarring our URL.
	So providers say, no, that's dangerous.
	It has a scar on it.
	So in Britain, Sky News has prevented us from being broadcast.
	So subscribers are not, their video player isn't working in some places in Britain.
	Same with New Zealand.
	They've successfully done this.
	So people who are paying for a service cannot have it.
	Why?
	Because it's not, there's Cornell West and Candace Owens on the front page.
	I know, but you say some other things.
	You said women aren't funny.
	So people may not hear your thoughts.
	How fucking mental is that?
	Come on, man, Mikey.
	And that's not all.
	We were advertising on Drudge, and Google prevented the ad from playing.
	So Drudge has to work on a workaround.
	Our mailouts, we were paying for mailouts to advertise, and Google was putting them straight into people's spam, treating them like spam.
	So we can't, this is, we're at Soviet levels of thought control, where you can't see things you pay for.
	You can't see videos.
	You can't talk to people.
	You can't email.
	Fucking Roger Stone can't hang out with his friend of 16 years, Michael Caputo.
	Banned verboten.
	I think it's more than 16 years, actually.
	We should have Caputo on the show again.
	And again, like I was saying to Anthony Kumia yesterday, I'll try to get the interview from them, but in Soviet Russia, you would be punished severely for wrongthink, and you'd have to go to a re-education camp.
	But after that, you were cleansed.
	You were redeemed.
	This isn't the way here.
	Once you're Laura Loomer, you're persona non grata.
	And it's amazing how much time we have to, like I always say, it's good to fight.
	You got to fight.
	But it's amazing how much time we spend fighting.
	Did you know that James O'Keefe, a third of his budget is legal stuff?
	That's the room, by the way, where Johnny was scared of the floor.
	Don't advertise our competition running.
	Did you know that a third of his budget, and his budget's big, let's say it's probably something like 10 million, 3.3 million would go to fighting frivolous lawsuits.
	And a third of his time is depositions.
	So he'll be sitting there with some bullshit lawsuit from some liberal, probably funded by globalists, where he has to answer questions for 12 hours.
	And he's won every case.
	He's refused to settle because they're all frivolous.
	They're all meant to break him.
	And he settled once at the very beginning of his career.
	I think it was the Acorn thing.
	And he regretted it immediately.
	But it was like, spend a million dollars I don't have or pay them the $15,000, $20,000 to fuck off.
	But since then, he's got much more money.
	And he says, no, I'm not settling.
	I don't care if it's for five bucks.
	Fuck you.
	War.
	The End I just made a great video about the SPLC that we'll put up after we add all the pics.
	But I'll give away the scoop.
	Oh, I've already given away the scoop on the show.
	The SPLC got their name from Martin Luther King's SCLC.
	And they made sure Charles Abernathy was on the papers because Martin Luther King's SCLC was run by a guy named Ralph Abernathy.
	So from day one, they were immoral and were using their name as a bait and switch to get some of MLK's money.
	What?
	Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
	I was going to talk about some other stuff, but I'd like to get to the mail.
	I enjoy it, although yesterday sucked.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	Why are people sending...
	People are sending shit to like my personal email and stuff.
	It has to go to mailbag at censored.tv.
	Okay?
	Or it gets lost.
	Okay, this is going to be tough.
	Think of the Beatles.
	Think Sing Songy.
	Hi, boys.
	Greetings from Liverpool.
	No, that's Irish.
	Gavin, I was watching an old...
	Don't.
	I was watching an old episode yesterday.
	I can't do Liverpool.
	I'm sorry.
	I apologize.
	And I hang out with a fucking scouser on a regular basis.
	My daughter's best friend's dad's a scouser.
	And I can't do that accent.
	So every time he talks, too, I'll say, dude, you got to take it easy on those Ds.
	You're going to murder someone.
	He's like, same way Lady Sauce says, fuck you.
	That's all his D's.
	Are you going to go out to him?
	Breakfast.
	How would you say?
	So how would he say karachi?
	How do you say karachi?
	Karachi.
	That was a great video, Ryan.
	Thanks.
	I've seen it before.
	I know exactly what it is.
	Greetings from Liverpool.
	Gavin, I was watching an old episode yesterday, and in it, you said that you had not kissed, made out with your wife in years, and that once you are married in a few years, the whole kissing thing, holding hands, goes away.
	Is this really true?
	Yes.
	my wife, and I used to hold hands all the time.
	I didn't like it.
	So I would do a thing with my thumb where I would sort of like release her hand.
	But now, and snuggling too.
	Like if I go over and snuggle my wife, it'd be like I snuggled Ryan.
	Like she'd just go, why are you preventing me from sleeping?
	Now, I think it might be that Indians are bitches and cunts.
	Bad.
	Because we killed all the nice ones.
	So maybe I just have a particularly cold wife.
	But now, if I've tried to make out with her a few times, and she goes, your mustache is itchy.
	Stop.
	Just leave.
	Just go somewhere else.
	I'll probably get her if I got her wasted.
	Anyway, I'm a recently married wife and hate the thought of all that stuff going away from a female's perspective.
	If the only time your hubby shows you physical affection is when sex is involved, you start to feel like a bit of a cum dumpster.
	Yeah, you still hug.
	Sometimes I'll just grab my wife and hug her like in the kitchen and stuff.
	That happens.
	And the sex isn't like raunchy sex.
	That's affectionate too.
	You know, it's not just like, yeah.
	In fact, the sex gets more, less like ball gag stuff and more like a hug.
	I said, well, you ain't that straight.
	Please don't tell me this is what I have to look forward to.
	Trust me, it's awesome.
	Fun scientific fact.
	Apparently part of the reason why we kiss is so the male can pass off testosterone to the female in order to raise her libido closer to male's libido.
	I remember reading that, yeah.
	So if you want more Nookie Gavin, kiss your wife more.
	I'll just get her drunk, thanks.
	Also, unrelated, I know you're a fan of some British comedy sketch shows.
	Have you seen this before?
	I reckon it's up your street.
	Well, here in America, we say, Allie.
	Congratulations.
	You've done it.
	You've got married.
	Good luck with those breasts.
	You know a funny thing to say at a wedding?
	You say, boy, way do you guys trise sex?
	You're gonna love it.
	I've said that joke at 100% of the weddings I've been to.
	Turn it up.
	Well, the baby comes out of an opening near the woman's bottom.
	This marks the end of the pregnancy cycle, a period of nine weeks, during which time the woman is referred to as pregnant Nancy.
	That's okay.
	What's the other one?
	Combination of advert sketches?
	Primitive.
	When I wrote my novels all those years ago, I never thought they could be improved upon.
	Well, how wrong I was.
	Now, they've got even tastier.
	It's the jammy goodness in New Dickens' Free Corners that makes them better read than ever.
	Have my cup of tea.
	Hey, G-Dog and Retard.
	Firstly, I know you guys are big fans of Sam Hyde.
	I don't know if you saw any of his Adult Swim show before the cucks who run Adult Swim put the kibosh on Sam and his brilliant satire of modern culture.
	Let's just be clear.
	Who was involved?
	Tim Heidecker of Tim and Eric fame pushed for Sam Hyde to have his show canceled.
	He recommended that his fans contact advertisers, contact Adult Swim, put the pressure on.
	The guy who wrote that article, it's got a very Jewish name at BuzzFeed that said, I called it Adult Swim's alt-right show.
	He also was a big part of it.
	And the bald guy from Eagle Heart, who now is in a very successful show, you know who I'm talking about?
	What's his name?
	Brett Brett Geltman or something.
	Brett Gelman?
	Gelman, yeah.
	He's the third shitstain.
	And what happened with Brett Gelman is he's got this little black wife who's bald and sort of like de Blasio, de Blasio's wife.
	So they said to him, hey, Brett, you're really funny.
	Can you bring us some more shows, some writers?
	And he'd go, how about my ugly wife?
	And they go, she's a stylist.
	She's going to make it.
	No, anything else?
	Hold on.
	Give me some time.
	Hey, I know.
	How about my wife?
	Like, will you stop with the wife?
	Okay, give me some time.
	Oh, I got an idea.
	What about my wife?
	Eventually they said, just fuck off.
	And so that's not a good story, right?
	Just like CNN, they have to double down.
	So he changed the story to, yeah, I had to leave because there's so much alt-right stuff going on at that network.
	Sam Hyde and lots of Nazi shit, and I'm really against racism.
	So they didn't fire me.
	I quit.
	In other words, comedians are fucking pussies.
	Most of the people in modern comedy right now are just fucking weak, weak human beings.
	Boopa doopa-doo.
	Joe Bernstein.
	Joe Bernstein.
	Total piece of shit.
	Like, he's just a saboteur.
	He creates nothing.
	All he does is destroy things.
	He's like that little gremlin on the wing.
	Kill a straight man on your way to work.
	But if you haven't, I have two amazing clips for you.
	I believe the first clip has some of your favorite things.
	Disabled people, cringe, little shoes, hot chicks, and quotes for days.
	The second is just a great parody of dating shows and how coddled and stupid women are these days.
	Please, God, add a sound clip to the soundboard from one of these two clips.
	Bucci.
	Knee deep in some gash.
	I don't care how small you are.
	These are just two extra dicks right here.
	We're here at the Black People Mall.
	Yes, I remember this skip.
	Bucci.
	Hi, Robbie.
	Check it out.
	This right here is my boyfriend, Nitro Dubbs.
	AKA?
	Mr. Shit King shit pussy.
	Yo, he's my boyfriend, my number one buddy.
	Nitro Dubbs is about to swag you out.
	Major League swag out.
	Major League Swag Out.
	Major League Swag Out.
	Hi, Robbie.
	I want you to look at yourself in the mirror right now, because this is the last time you're going to be looking this gay in your whole life.
	Pretty good.
	But I invented doing comedy sketches with handicapped people.
	So Sam was just learning from the best in that one.
	I'm not saying he stole from me, but I brought him, I led him to that art conceit.
	Look up me curing multiple sclerosis.
	MS. And it was actually based on the fact that he...
	Did you spell multiple sclerosis correctly?
	Is it gone?
	Do some research off YouTube.
	Maybe it was banned from the internet because Vans paid for it and then I became a pariah and Vans didn't want to be associated with it.
	But anyway, he has bad multiple sclerosis.
	It was suicidal for Rocks in so much pain and he's crippled.
	And his parents would take him to all these new age things with sage and all this magical fucking bullshit, hippie shit.
	And I thought it'd be funny if some guy was trying to teach him it's all about a positive attitude, PMA.
	And then he would be able to walk.
	And then when he can't walk, the guy gets mad.
	And that was the joke.
	What's the next clip since that clip's been erased?
	You know what's unfortunate, too?
	Is that there's this guy, Gavin something, Professor Gavin something, and he treats multiple sclerosis.
	So that's dominating the search.
	Damn it.
	Okay, let's see the other clip.
	Other clip coming up.
	Hi, my name's Steve.
	I'm 33 years old.
	I'm a lawyer, so I have my JD.
	And I hope some of the contestants enjoy swimming and jet skiing as I own my own lake house.
	I'm a rap artist.
	I got a hot new single right now.
	I'm about to blow up right now.
	Man, I got a nice body.
	I get to the gym.
	And by the way, my name is.
	It's kind of stupid to be sitting here watching shows all show.
	We've seen it.
	We've seen it all.
	Well, we're very familiar with Sam Hyde.
	Thank you for recommending him to us.
	Would you also like us to check out the sex pistols and other things we're already very familiar with?
	I would like to give Ryan, this is the same guy, I'd like to give Ryan a quarantine homework assignment.
	Have him read a book and give a green screen segment similar to the ones you do.
	I believe that would be good watch-ins.
	Okay, Ryan, why don't you just finish that book, The Joke's On You?
	The Joke is Over.
	Yeah.
	I almost picked it up the other day, but I'm going to actually pick it up.
	I gave Ryan a book to read, The Joke is Over by Ralph Stebman.
	It's a great book.
	It's really good.
	I recommend it for everyone.
	And he's not really a writer.
	Sometimes people who don't write are the best writers.
	And he's been reading it for, I'd say, two years now?
	No.
	Not that long.
	Yeah.
	That long.
	I want to fuck you with my heels on, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	Oh, this is fun.
	This is from a guy named Brock.
	You're skipping, right?
	Well, I'm going back to the top.
	This just came in.
	This is what Tara Reed has said, what happened.
	And it's minute 1444.
	Katie Helper Show.
	Please rate and review the Katie Helper Show on iTunes.
	And if you like the show.
	Privileged internships.
	He was helping that kind of stuff was happening to these really privileged interns.
	So it was that kind of stuff was happening.
	So there was like regular work challenges happening, right?
	So how much interacting did you have with Biden?
	I would, well, it's because I was there.
	I would see him on and off quite a bit, but wouldn't necessarily talk with him.
	He was always breezing out, breezing in with his people that would stay around him, usually the upper level staff.
	And they usually kind of kept right with him.
	So, but once in a while, I would see him and he would just do that thing that guys do, you know, when they look you up and down and then smile and stuff.
	It just was obnoxious.
	I mean, I, and back then, I just accepted it for what it was.
	When I talked about this discomfort that I had, I was really timid about it.
	I found myself getting more and more like withdrawn and timid about speaking out because of the atmosphere and because I was so closed down about hearing about it.
	She would just be like, you know, one of the things she said to me was, you know, the senator likes you.
	You know, most women would really like that attention.
	She goes, you know, I don't understand your attitude.
	Like, what is the problem?
	So it was, it was.
	It was just an ogle?
	You know, I definitely felt started feeling like I just didn't really belong there.
	It definitely wasn't a progressive office.
	Yeah.
	It was definitely not like that.
	You swept down and did a like now.
	You mean like Lenny and Squiggy do?
	Then the incident when I talked about the discomfort, like I said, I was told to just do what I was told.
	And then it wasn't too long after that that called me in and said, I want you to take this to Joe.
	He wants it.
	I want you to bring it.
	Hurry.
	And I said, okay.
	And it was a gym bag.
	She said, you know, take the gym bag.
	She called it athletic bag.
	And, you know, she said he was down towards the Capitol.
	He'll meet you.
	And so I went down and I was heading down towards there.
	She went down.
	And he was at first talking to someone.
	I could see him at a different distance.
	And then they went away.
	And then we were in like the side.
	It was like the side area.
	And he was, he just said, hey, come here, Tara.
	And then I handed him the thing and he greeted me.
	He remembered my name.
	And then we were alone.
	And it was the strangest thing.
	There was no like exchange, really.
	He just had me up against the wall.
	And I was wearing like a skirt and, you know, business skirt, but I wasn't wearing stockings.
	It was kind of a hot day, that day, and I was wearing heels.
	And I remember my legs had been hurting from the marble, you know, of the Capitol, like walking.
	And so I remember that kind of stuff.
	I remember like that.
	And it was kind of an unusually warm day.
	And I remember I was wearing a blouse and he just had me up against the wall and the wall was cold.
	And I remember he, it happened all at once.
	The gym bag, I don't know where it went.
	I handed it to him, was gone.
	And then his hands were on me and underneath my clothes.
	And yeah, and then he grabbed her by the pussy.
	He went down my skirt, but then up inside it.
	And he penetrated me with his fingers, whatever.
	And he was kissing me at the same time, and he was saying something to me.
	He said several things, and I can't remember everything he said.
	I remember a couple of things.
	I remember him saying first before, like as he was doing it, do you want to go somewhere else?
	And then him saying to me, when I pulled away, he got finished doing what he was doing, and I kind of was pulled back.
	And he said, he said, come on, man, I heard you liked me.
	And it's that phrase stayed with me because I kept thinking what I might have said.
	And I can't remember exactly if he said I thought or if I heard, but it's like he implied like he, like, that I had done this.
	Like, pretty bad.
	And from there, like rape goes penis in vagina.
	But right below that is finger in the vagina.
	In that moment, because I knew like he's one away from the worst.
	You were alone.
	It was over, right?
	He wasn't trying to do anything more, but it's, I looked up to him.
	He was like my father's age.
	He was this champion of women's rights in my eyes.
	And I couldn't believe it was happening.
	It seems surreal.
	And I just did she say stop.
	Not victim blaming.
	I'm just asking.
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	There's no time in between I'm against the wall for the in the pants.
	Huh.
	Right.
	Maybe he didn't even know that it was bad.
	Maybe he thought that was hot.
	Maybe he's just really quick.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Like if you try to put your hand down my pants and start groping, I'm going to go, what are you doing?
	I'm not going to go...
	As you sit there, like, massaging my scrotum.
	I thought you liked me.
	Don't.
	And they attached this video.
	Ah, okay.
	All right.
	Let's do a couple more.
	How are we going for time?
	Ooh, geez, we're late.
	All right, this is going to be a long one.
	Dear Gavin, Ry Guy, I'm 23, and the girl in question is 25.
	We dated for a bit early last year, but things faded out with our work schedule was clashing.
	Things, and he has two spaces after, period.
	Don't do that.
	It makes you look like an amateur.
	Things almost started back up again in the fall, but didn't.
	In January of this year, I asked her to go to a hockey game with me, but I didn't even get a response.
	I figured, okay, that's fine.
	She's not interested, move on.
	In April, I reached out to her since she's a nurse.
	I want to see what she's doing with all this BS going on.
	She was on my mind.
	Well, she's definitely showing more interest again, and I've been thinking about taking her out and then telling her I'd like to get serious with her.
	No, dude.
	What did I tell you from the hitman I met in Montreal?
	Everything is okay.
	No problem.
	You want to go to party?
	I go to party.
	And you never complain.
	If she does stand you up, oh well.
	And you just keep doing that until that time she looks at you and she says, I love you.
	And then you bend her over and you fuck her in the ass for all the bullshit she put you through.
	That guy ended up going to prison for double homicide.
	We get along very well and always have fun together.
	She's also Christian, not a feminist.
	My only hang-ups are that she's starting to gain weight at an alarming rate.
	She's very attractive, but if she keeps gaining, she will not be.
	And also, I could see issues down the road with her quitting her job as a nurse to be a stay-at-home mom.
	Don't worry about that.
	Once they hold the baby in their hand, work just goes poof out the window.
	Sometimes they say, like my wife says, she used to work at the American Indian Museum and she's going to go back there soon.
	And I'm like, well, okay, okay, let's cross that bridge when we come to it.
	I have no trouble with girls.
	I would say I'm an eight and I also stay in shape.
	I don't want to be vain because this girl and I do match well, but I don't want to be with a fucking walrus, especially as my value continues to go up since I recently graduated as a mechanical engineer and already have a good job.
	I dated plenty of other girls in between and we haven't been talking, but none have compared.
	Should I keep playing the field and forget about this one or do I pursue because she always ends up back on my mind?
	Let me ride on your ding-dong.
	But I'm talking to you here on a human level.
	Dump the bitch.
	If weight is already a problem and you're a little kid, she's going to be a fucking cow.
	Women put on a lot of weight after they have kids.
	And that should be way down the line.
	If you're already having weight issues right now, dump the bitch.
	She's going to be a fucking whale.
	I am done.
	You're gone.
	I'm done.
	This is from Vanessa.
	Hey, guys, love watching you Monday through Thursday.
	Rape me.
	Raped with a T, by the way.
	We get very few letters with women asking us to rape them.
	I would say we're at zero.
	What would you say, Ryan?
	I've seen zero of those.
	Zero rapes.
	Going strong at zero.
	I don't think women like being raped.
	No.
	I got to admit, I'm pretty shocked by that call.
	Like that, grab them by the pussy, they let you.
	Wait a minute.
	Didn't she let him?
	Yes.
	She literally walked right up.
	Oh, but the fact that he literally grabbed her by the pussy, that's They're not sending their best.
	Okay, what do you think, Rye guy?
	There's her, and there's her there.
	Very solid.
	Nice nose.
	There's her there.
	This is my type, too.
	Very cute.
	Like her little boots.
	Oh, where do you go?
	Where are the boots?
	That's the skirt.
	Oh, yeah, the boots.
	You're zooming in too close for a change?
	What do you think?
	What do you think?
	She'd be good for you because she wouldn't tower over you.
	Well, she could be sneakily tall.
	You don't know.
	No, I know that she's five three.
	Damn.
	Yep.
	Okay, the only way to do these is to just sort of.
	A drummer once told me the way you'd be a good drummer is you don't think about it too much, but you don't not think about it at all.
	You have to find an area in between those where you're not really thinking, but you're sort of thinking.
	That's the way you rate chicks.
	You just sort of.
	I see some, it's almost like those guys who can talk to dead people.
	It's like, I'm seeing an R, I'm seeing an R. Does someone here have an R in their family?
	I'm seeing sevens floating around.
	Eights are foggy.
	I'm having trouble focusing on an eight.
	I'm seeing the sevens get higher and higher.
	I'm seeing like a high sevens.
	I'm seeing like a 7.82.
	7.82.
	So not very far from an eight at all.
	Maybe you grow your hair longer or something.
	Wear heels.
	And she has no makeup in any of these.
	So we're really seeing her in a bare bones kind of a way, right?
	What do you think, Ryan?
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	What did you give her?
	You were not listening?
	What were you doing?
	Are you not on the show?
	I gotta look up stuff.
	I gotta find a good clip.
	7.82.
	That's fair.
	That's a fair tip.
	You should come out with the ultimate rating guide, where it's just one through.
	Have you done that?
	Like, here's a definitive one.
	Here's a definitive two.
	Here's a definitive three.
	Yeah, we should put that together.
	I've seen other people do that.
	I'm not familiar with it.
	Let me see.
	You know what would be cool?
	I might start spending money because this thing has been profitable.
	And the reason we're in such a shitty tiny studio is because I wanted to minimize cost and see if we have a nest egg.
	And I also wanted to save money to spend on Cornell West and getting liberals into the studio, which is just not cost effective.
	But anyway, maybe we'll get like a web guy that does stuff.
	Because wouldn't it be cool if you had this interactive bar?
	So it goes one to 10, right?
	But as you scroll over it, like with seven, it expands almost like your editing software there, Premiere, where you can zoom in on a sequence.
	So seven, you'll just see one chick.
	So it's just 10 heads.
	But as you zoom on to the line, you see 7.1, 7.2, and it ends up, there's like 100 chicks on this thing, depending on how you zoom.
	Wouldn't that be fun?
	That is kind of cool.
	There was a really cool site in the early aughts called hotternot.com.
	I remember that.
	And you just put a face there and it would say, you are a 7.2.
	And you couldn't say, fuck that.
	That's bullshit.
	I am not.
	Because it would say, 640,000 people made this rating.
	You're like, wow, that's an entire city.
	Just called me a 7.2.
	But I did notice that Asians did abnormally bad.
	Blondes got an unfair rating in the reverse.
	And any shot with cleavage did too well.
	I didn't understand why guys would go on that fucking site.
	What are you doing, dude?
	You want girls to rate you?
	That's so fucking gay.
	Why are you gay?
	All right, let's get to the final videos.
	You'll remember when we were discussing the difference between men and women, I talked about a woman hitting a cop.
	Like she's just going to get away with that?
	This isn't really a woman thinking she's tough because a man shouldn't hit a cop either.
	But like, what the fuck goes through modern women's minds?
	I have a theory actually, let me just, I think that two things happen to menopausal women.
	Their testosterone goes down to zero and they just don't want to fuck anymore.
	And two, their dad dies and they get, let's say if they're middle class, half a mil or more, right?
	So now they don't need their man and now they're lying under this man who's like, oh, oh.
	And they're like, why am I letting this pig fuck me?
	I don't need him.
	I have plenty of money.
	And if we got divorced, he'd have to give me half his money anyway.
	So fuck this guy.
	And they develop this disdain.
	I was reading on a local message board about these middle-aged women bitching and moaning.
	And they focus really on middle-aged men.
	And they say, I see them when they're out of shape and they're on the jogging trails.
	And she used the word expectorating, like, and they're exhausted.
	And it sounded like a bona fide racist talking about black people.
	Like there was real, it was dripping with vitriol.
	And I was sort of reading it going, Jesus, lady, we're not that bad.
	Fuck.
	Anyway, this is a good example of that sort of deep-seated hatred.
	Gene, I got you, baby.
	I don't know if you did.
	Oh, you did?
	He didn't like your comments.
	You don't push me.
	Imagine the balls you have to have to put.
	Punch a pop in the head?
	I saw a video of this too, where a woman was being taken out of a sports stadium, and it's this gigantic black security guy, and she just fucking whacks him in the head as he's taking her outside.
	So he punches her lights out.
	But yeah, and remember that other video where there was that woman filming it?
	Or was she?
	No, she wasn't filming it.
	She was just sitting like this, and she was telling both the security guard and the woman who was caught shoplifting how to behave.
	Don't bite him.
	Don't you dare bite him.
	Hey, you're hurting her.
	Take it easy.
	She's a ref.
	You have not just the key to the city, you have the key to earth.
	You can just walk around telling people, yeah, that was it.
	She's way down there, though.
	It's like she doesn't show up for a long time.
	There, she's the one in the back.
	Watch your mouth.
	Watch your mouth.
	Sitting there with her arms.
	Look at her.
	And she's like bored.
	Like, I just work security here on Earth.
	Fuck off.
	This is a very sexist episode, and I'm sorry, ladies.
	But there's, I blame feminism.
	And another thing: the teachers' unions.
	The teachers' unions keep telling these middle-aged teachers that they're wonderful and they're doing the hardest job in the world and the future is with you.
	And it gives them this arrogance where they're like, yeah, and I see it when they walk down the street or the way they talk to people and pick up that litter.
	I'm a criminal.
	Oh, shit.
	And by the way, the problem with that video that you just saw is people don't understand that when you want to put some cuffs on someone and they're resisting, it's really, really hard.
	You have to get them.
	First of all, it's very easy to wriggle around.
	So you've got to get them on their stomach.
	And then when they won't give you the hand, your arm has to be so strong that it can subdue their hand.
	Then you have to somehow get the cuff on it.
	And now find that other fucking snakey hand.
	It's really difficult.
	And in police training, they say things like, if he's resisting, punch him in the face, punch him in the head, kneel on his head.
	These are techniques that they are trained to do.
	But I think people just see a cop on top of someone and go, you're hurting him.
	Like, I think their brain thinks that the guy is trying to put his hands behind his back.
	No, he's not.
	And I don't have a choice.
	Once we're at the arrest stage, I have to cuff him.
	So that woman was like, why are you being mean?
	It's like they just can't handle conflict.
	Can we see it one more time?
	It's the most ostentatious punch I've ever seen in my life.
	It's the way my daughter treats her brother.
	Don't worry, nothing happened.
	Oh, shit.
	Oh, he's dead.
	He didn't like your comments.
	But she reached in.
	It was a real swamp.
	All right, don't do the ghost one.
	Let's jump ahead to God Almighty.
	This is a rich bitch who's never been in a fight and never really seen black people.
	Julia Louise Dreyfus was never not rich.
	She grew up loaded.
	We remember her dad would just buy art.
	That was his job.
	He was an art collector.
	I'm a collector.
	I shop for myself.
	So look at her quote, though.
	Before you show it, look at everyone's reaction.
	So it says, warning, this video of Colorado PD officer beating a 14-year-old is sickening and demands immediate action.
	How many of these videos must we see before we do something about police violence in this country?
	Now, when I saw that video, or I saw this tweet before I saw the video, I don't like seeing cops act egregiously because I know they're putting other cops in danger.
	So I'm sort of crossing my fingers watching this going, oh no, I hope he's not just randomly beating the shit out of some little teenage black girl, right?
	Now, Julia Louise Dreyfus has clearly seen it, and she is so flabbergasted.
	All she can say is, God Almighty, end this violence.
	So you go, this is going to be pretty bad, right?
	Check it out.
	What's up?
	Stop, Josh, stop.
	Stop, bro.
	Stop, Josh, stop.
	Stop hitting them, bro.
	Stop, bro.
	Stop, bro.
	What's your password?
	What's up?
	Stop, Josh, stop.
	Stop, bro.
	That's the whole thing.
	What?
	Stop, Josh, stop.
	Those little jabs.
	That's how I play fight with my baby son.
	Is that a girl or a boy?
	I think it's a girl.
	But she's resisting arrest.
	She's not putting her hands behind her back.
	Stop, Josh, stop.
	And yes, punching helps subdue someone resisting arrest.
	That's not a girl, dude.
	Stop hitting there, bro.
	Oh, you don't think it's a girl?
	No.
	Josh is listening to us.
	What's your passport?
	Stop.
	What's up?
	Stop, Josh, stop.
	Stop, bro.
	Stop, Josh.
	You're right.
	It's a Josh.
	It's a fucking guy.
	And then it says, oh, when I saw that, I was like, I could totally see that in a police training thing as an example of a fair way to subdue someone resisting arrest.
	Like, am I crazy?
	That looks to me like something, something that the police department would put out.
	Ugh.
	Like, we've been accused of police violence.
	Here, watch the video.
	You'll see.
	Think of what it would.
	What do they say?
	Wait, these are the replies.
	What a big, tough man.
	He's not trying to show off.
	Not a 14-year-old girl.
	And by the way, all middle-aged men try to get someone to put their arms behind their back.
	What is this one?
	I want to see the entire encounter.
	Yeah, there is no justification for treating a child like that.
	They love infantilizing black victims to make it sound more like a little kid.
	Their silence makes them complicit.
	Oh my God.
	Imagine hanging out with any of these people.
	The community should know our deputies have a heart for the rancho, blah, blah, blah community, especially for the youth they serve, blah, blah, blah.
	What the actual fuck?
	I really have no words.
	You can quarantine this beast.
	Wait.
	You can guarantee this beast has a history of beating women.
	What's he supposed to do?
	What are you supposed to do if you have to arrest a 14-year-old?
	I don't think it's a girl, but let's just say it's a girl.
	Tell me what to do when I have to arrest a 14-year-old girl and she's wriggling all over the place.
	Tell me.
	And the punches were like...
	Maybe that's the problem?
	All these, this new generation didn't grow up play fighting.
	Like, I thought it was bad they don't fight in schoolyards anymore, but I don't think they wrestle each other.
	All right, last video, I'm blabbing on and on and on here.
	This is a similar encounter.
	And these cops, they go to the beginning, it's a really long one.
	But these cops have a description of a guy.
	And he's got a black hat and a black shirt on.
	Now, they have the camera footage in their car.
	And they're saying, can you just come over here?
	We want to have you look at this.
	See if you're wearing the same shirt.
	I want to compare you to it.
	Just come over down by our car, please.
	He's like, no.
	And this, by the way, this was sent to me as an example of police being assholes.
	And I'm always, every time I get these, I go, oh shit.
	And then I watch it and go, what are you talking about?
	Just as far as Imagine your description.
	There you go.
	Like, when we were teenagers, we had confrontations like this on a daily basis.
	The 80s was a lot more fighty than the 2020s.
	Did you fight a lot in high school?
	Like, didn't you have to meet by the old abandoned baseball diamond after 320?
	Can you be shit in your pants all day because you got to fight Darren Beattie?
	Most of them weren't arranged, but there was one that was worse.
	Didn't you hate that?
	That sucks.
	Because all day, just, yeah.
	And then, like, people get wind of it and, hey, I heard you're fighting this person.
	Yeah, and there's by the time it happens, there's like 200 people there.
	I had to fight Barry Pueblo, and it was arranged a day before.
	That's terrible.
	So, like, all night I'm sitting there going, I'd forget, too, and I go, wait, why was I bummed out here?
	Oh, yeah, I gotta fucking fight that guy tomorrow.
	You know what I did for that fight?
	I had shish kebab.
	You know when you have a shish kebab steel thing?
	I put four down each side of my army coat.
	So when it comes time, I can just go, zing!
	Damn.
	Like Wolverine.
	Have you ever heard of a stupider plan?
	Yeah, that would be really wriggly.
	And then when I went like that, they'd all go blink, blink, blink.
	And say they did stick straight out.
	What am I going to do?
	Impale him?
	You can't even do that with a pen.
	It would just...
	You know what happened with that fight?
	We had some tussling, punching, a lot of that.
	One-on-one.
	Remember, they would yell the rules.
	One-on-one, man!
	One-on-one!
	And he got some distance from me, and he had a huge ego.
	And this is back when karate was kind of big.
	So he decided he was going to do a fucking circle kick.
	What do you call it, a roundhouse?
	Yeah.
	So he goes, but his adrenaline was pumping so fast that with a centrifugal force, picked up his other foot, and he went flying through the air like a starfish.
	And he landed flat on the grass and knocked the wind out of himself.
	Oh, boy.
	And he couldn't breathe.
	He was like, and I was like, I guess I leave now.
	Okay, bye.
	Thanks, God.
	Another one of those moments.
	I need to talk to him.
	Come down here and talk to me away from everybody else.
	He's going to piss me the fuck off and shit's going to get bad.
	Yeah, that guy.
	Other kids getting lippy too.
	So now he's getting pissed off.
	You're the fucking fuck, okay?
	Do you fuck with me?
	No, I'm going to talk to you.
	I'm not going to be about my wallet.
	Like when a cop tells you to do something, even if he's a fucking asshole, you're going to do it.
	What are you going to do?
	Tell him to fuck off and he'll say, okay, sorry, and get in his car?
	The whole thing with fucking Lucy cigarette guy, Eric, I'm trying to remember his name.
	You know the guy who was killed?
	Yeah.
	Eric Strangler, Eric Dangler.
	There's a weird thing about doing this show where names don't work.
	Okay, look, look.
	No, no.
	What I said, James.
	No, no, no, no.
	Eric Garner.
	Eric Garner.
	He said, this ends now.
	I'm not letting you.
	Like, what's your scenario?
	The cops shrug and just walk away?
	Now you're actually in trouble.
	Now, look how hard it is to get someone, even with the teasing.
	Here, just pause for a sec.
	Here's a theory I have.
	Is it possible that when you're getting teased, your pain is so delirious that you can't put your hands behind your back?
	Maybe.
	Like, you know how you see, guys, I saw this video, this guy, he lights himself on fire on a diving board in a pool.
	So he knows to just jump in and put it out.
	But he's so freaked out and the pain is so intense that he turns around and runs.
	It doesn't make sense, yeah.
	You just, you can't, just like I couldn't remember Eric Garner's name, there's a block.
	So maybe you can't put your hands behind your back.
	But anyway, that's a good time for a punch.
	Yeah, like I saw one guy got shot because he was like, shoot me, and then he grabbed the gun.
	And then you're supposed to put your hands behind your back.
	That's got a stink.
	But you just asked him to kill you.
	And you held a gun.
	Yeah, so this guy will not put his hands behind his back.
	And this is supposed to make me mad, by the way.
	This is an example of police violence.
	They just wanted to look at you because you fit the description of a suspect, which was Philando Castile's thing, too.
	He matched the description of a suspect.
	And then we cuff him.
	You didn't have to be that rough.
	It's like when they say you should have just shot him in the knee.
	Yeah, I'm fine.
	You take him down there to see who he was.
	He's on video.
	Anyway, that goes on.
	On video doing what?
	That wasn't a very eventful one to end with.
	I got a good one to end with.
	Here's a video of cops being scared of ghosts.
	Just in case you thought we were being too nice to the cops.
	This is not good, by the way.
	And one of them is a female cop, and that's predictable.
	But the mail cop, you're not supposed to be scared of ghosts, dude.
	Ah!
	Ha ha ha ha ha!
	Can you believe that?
	I would not.
	Yeah, I would run.
	That's not your job.
	Okay, well, you're not a cop.
	Your job when you hear a scream is not to assume it's a monster.
	What is it, a vampire?
	Is that where you were running from?
	What kind of monster were you running from?
	You're supposed to have your flashlight away from you in case they shoot at it and maybe get some cover behind a gravestone and say, come out, get out.
	Who's there?
	Go find where the scream is coming from.
	Oink, oink, you're scared of monsters.
	What do you think it is?
	What does a Scooby-Doo?
	You believe in ghosts?
	We need the Ghostbuster backup.
	Dude, if you hear screaming in a graveyard, the odds are pretty high someone's getting raped or some fucking coyote just bit their pinky off.
	I thought you were going to say, if you hear a scream and you get fired, get in trouble.
	Oh, man.
	Oh, man.
	You're going to get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave and never stop fighting.
	I was gonna call you back.
	I swear, just as soon as I felt.
	You call and call my phone thinking I'm doing nothing better.
	I'm just waiting for it to come so I can use it again.
	Love isn't a riddle.
	Love isn't made to be hard.
	You know I've given you my kidneys.

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