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March 6, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
38:14
GOML LIVE #37 | SO YOU WANNA BE A JOURNALIST?

This show is dedicated to Gavin’s family babysitter who has decided she wants to be a journalist. It’s a strange career to pursue with many avenues but we cover them all in this episode.

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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Baron McInnis.
Man, that ghetto blaster that ghetto blaster is deteriorating.
The pause is perpetually paused.
Hello, folks.
Welcome to Get Off My Lawn.
We have a special episode today.
My babysitter's mom said that my babysitter, and I don't personally have a babysitter.
I'm 49.
I can do whatever I want.
I can stay up all night if I want to.
I can have candy for breakfast.
My kid's babysitter.
Um, wants to get into journalism.
And I thought, I would have to sit down with her for at least an hour to explain all the different routes you could take.
And then I realized, well, I'll just make that a show.
Send her the link.
So Jenny, not using your real name, this Bud's for you.
Um, do you want to talk about you screwing up there?
Uh, yeah, that's a case of the old Butterfingers.
So you're even screwing up your defense, because that's not what the term butterfingers comes from.
Is that when you drop something?
Well, yeah.
But it means your hands are slippery.
Like they have butter on them.
So you went to the wrong image at the beginning because you had butter on your fingers?
Yeah, I did a... They were slippery?
I just slipped on the butter.
I went like... That's what it sounded like.
So this will be the journalism episode.
And I think we're gonna go behind the paywall early this time, like maybe at half an hour in, at 9.30.
I gotta stop saying um.
What are you doing?
Clearing my throat.
You're not allowed to clear your throat.
I know, earlier today.
God, we're in the car, it was like Baba Booey.
So basically, he was trying to pitch me, I was going to Skank Fest.
Yes.
Which is like $750 in tickets and then another $750 for playing in a hotel, even though it's sold out.
So I'd have to kiss their ass to get something.
And I go, I don't really get what's in it for us.
Interviews with a bunch of comedians?
Yeah.
Well, that's assuming they would do interviews with me.
I'm not going to fly down there to get a hot commodity like Joe List on the show.
You know what I mean?
Well, you could get Gomez and Dave Smith.
Yeah, I could get them in New York.
They all live in New York.
Tim Dillon.
Tim Dillon?
Okay.
Let me fly to Houston, Texas to talk to Tim Dillon.
I think that could be the angle right there.
I'd much rather go to LA and get all the Tim Dillons.
Anyway, before we get started...
Ouch.
I cannot recommend Johnny Apple CBD enough.
What is Johnny Apple CBD?
What is CBD?
Well, basically, it's hemp without the THC.
So you don't get high, but you get all the good stuff.
Remember all these people who complain about pot being illegal?
I think most of them would be happy with CBD.
Um, now it's- it's many different things.
Maybe we should cut to the site.
There's the tincture that we use in our coffee to take the edge off.
There is the... topical, the cream that I use.
I was working out- God, will you stop fucking up, please, Butters?
Um...
I don't know what happened to my arm.
It's taking me about 30 seconds to get out of bed these days.
This is what it's like boxing as a 49 year old.
I'm skipping rope on, ow!
I'm skipping rope on Monday to warm up as one does, and then I just get shot in the back with a tranquilizer dart and have to stumble to a chair, just like someone had knocked a window on me, like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
I wasn't even doing that much exercise.
I was just jumping up and down.
Then sparring on Wednesday, wore this whole thing out.
You know, like in the Avengers, the arm that that guy has, Mr. Winter Solstice or whatever?
I feel like this isn't mine.
This is so beaten up and stuff.
It's Winter Soldier.
So what do you do for that?
You use the Johnny Apple CBD Topical.
You get that on there.
We also have the gummy bears.
The gummies that help you sleep.
They really take the edge off.
And then there's the delicious cookies right up there.
So go to JohnnyApple.com.
Are you sure that's the URL?
Yeah.
So it's JohnnyApple.com.
The company is JohnnyAppleCBD.
And of course the pun there is JohnnyAppleSeed, right?
And use the promo code GAVIN.
You get 20% off all orders when you use the promo code GAVIN.
And free shipping, by the way.
So use the promo code Gavin, go to jacbd.com or johnnyapple.com and try it.
Try the, try the topical on your sore muscles.
And I've, I've already noticed a difference over the past day and a half just using them on my weird arm.
I love the tinctures.
I use them literally every time I have coffee because jitters were a problem.
Oh, thank God you said literally.
I'm so sick of people using that as a metaphor.
This is what it looks like.
How about I use them every time I have coffee?
I use them every time I have coffee.
Wait, literally?
Literally.
They have new flavors though, which is interesting.
They have vanilla, strawberry, and original.
We're supposed to wear the shirt.
The sponsor guy told us to wear the shirt.
I'm not wearing the shirt.
I forgot the shirt.
Is it here?
I don't think so.
I'm not wearing the shirt.
Maybe yours is.
That's not my, I don't know.
I appreciate the shirt.
I'm happy to plug Johnny Apple CBD, and I love that they're a sponsor of the show, but no, I'm not doing that.
Speaking of the show, before we get into my kooky fun idea, we had a great week here.
I went through how to do a sex change in elaborate detail.
It's remarkably complicated to make a vagina.
Wow.
You know what the weirdest part I thought was?
When you're making a clitoris, the way you just carve away the head.
Like, when they cut the bag and they take the balls out, you can kind of... like, that makes sense to me.
Right?
That seems like an awesome thing to do.
But the way they carve the edge of the bell end just off, there's no rhyme or reason to it.
Like, even... I'm against circumcision, but even when you see it done, you go, oh, I get it.
That piece comes off.
Like, if you were to cut your earlobes off.
Okay, I get it.
But, like, this clit thing, it would be like cutting the tip of your nose off.
Don't show it.
Don't show it.
We'll get banned from YouTube.
Just remember the YouTube episode.
Ouchie.
We made fun of, uh... We made fun of animals, again, because they're losers.
And we had Copper Cab on, losing his temper, freaking out, as is his want.
Copper Cab's show, by the way, episode three just came out this week, where he's just constantly eating.
And there's always like a weird dildo in the background.
We're not sure what's going on with him, but we know he likes to stuff his face.
That's all he lives for, which is why when he arrived here for the fight, he called me and said, uh, Hey man, no one was here to pick us up.
I go, Yeah, I got you a driver.
Well, he didn't come meet us.
Well, he's there.
Okay?
Use your phone.
Call him.
I'll make sure he meets you.
Okay, but he... and then he calls me right back.
Okay, we have the driver here.
We have no money.
He didn't have any money for us.
How am I supposed to get money to a driver?
Like, you call the car service.
If I have to get the money to the driver, I might as well just pick you up.
I go, what do you need money for?
He goes, oh, uh, well, there's the per diem and also I need food money.
Anyway, I've told you that story a hundred times.
Um...
And then we have a new episode of Gary's Mailbag coming out this Saturday.
I think we're going to leapfrog them.
So Larry one weekend, Gary the next weekend.
Larry one weekend, Gary the next weekend.
Because it's a lot of work for an old, old man who's essentially retired.
Meaning me.
But someone did a video letter.
Thank you for sending in your video letters and please continue to send them.
To Mailbag at censored.tv, but make sure you put in the subject.
What is it now?
Gary or Gary video questions.
Yeah, anything Gary, Gary video, uh, letter or whatever.
But some guy called, uh, videoed in and said, can you tell that fucking millionaire who gets paid to talk?
Uh, that it's anthropomorphize, not anthropomorphicize.
And so Gary and I went back and forth, and I was like, oh, I get it now.
It's anthropomorphize.
And he's like, anthropomorphize.
Anthropomorphize.
Anthropomorphize.
We did it back and forth maybe 20 times.
He really didn't know.
And he just goes, I can't do it anymore.
He doesn't enjoy his job.
Gary.
He wants his money, he wants to go buy lunch or whatever with the money, and then he wants to get the hell out of there.
He does not enjoy being there.
So when I asked him, one of the letters was, what's Wu-Tang's, what is the best solo album after Wu-Tang?
Which is a great question.
I mean, it's obviously not U-God, it's going to be, and I don't mean you personally, God, if you're watching the show, I mean the rapper U-God.
It's gotta be Ghostface Killer, Raekwon, or Old Dirty Bastard, right?
That Gizza Rizza stuff is just production work.
But as far as, like, albums standalone, only built for Cuban links, and then, uh, Ghostface Killer had a bunch, right?
Mm-hmm.
And then Old Dirty Bastard had his kooky gimmick albums.
The Weird Al Yankovic of the Wu-Tang Clan.
He likes it raw.
I really like the Ghostface Killer song, Daytona 500.
Do-doon, doon, doon, do-doon, doon, meow!
Do-doon, doon, doon, do-doon, doon, meow!
But when you look at the lyrics, you go, do these guys really believe what they're saying?
Does this mean, look at the lyrics for Daytona 500 Ghostface Killer.
I once had the cartoonist Mark Bell draw a comic of it because it was so unbelievable.
What are you doing?
Because you said comic.
So I was like, what?
Okay.
Okay, so not that.
So it starts... What are you talking about?
light up the mic, God acknowledges this fly joints that carry two points, Corolla Motorola holder, play it God, EPAC over the shoulder, Chrome tanks, player like yanks, check the franchise, front of my guys, my enterprise, spush many lives.
What are you talking about?
Repel all fakes like reflectors.
Okay, I got that.
He had sugar in his ear in his last crack career.
What?
He smuggled crack in his ears?
We can manhandle him, manhandle him, if you wanna run his crib-o, get ditto, skate like a limo.
What are you talking about?
That's just gibberish, right?
There's no message there.
And if it's an inside joke, it's an inside joke with himself.
Anyway.
Um... And then, um...
John Miranda had a cool thing about Ozzy Osbourne and Pete Buttigieg.
Butt-a-jig?
Butt-a-yig.
He says it.
Yeah, he mumbles that guy.
He doesn't enunciate.
Butt-a-yig.
Butt-a-yig.
I have a problem with Pete Buttigieg.
Pete Buttigieg?
Gidge?
John had a good point though.
He said no one's gonna vote for a gay president.
Ever.
And when you say that, people think that you have a problem with a gay president.
No.
No, we're talking about all of America.
The idea of two men 69ing in the White House is something that the boomers will never be able to handle.
So, you better wait till millennials are the majority before you run a gay.
Why are you gay?
Alright.
Oh, see, we're already 15 minutes in.
And if we're going to cut out in half an hour, we already have to read the second sponsor.
Which is?
Which is BetDSI.
Is it?
Yeah.
You thought it was Bubba and Hank's.
Yes.
Nope.
That's not the email that I got?
Mention Bubba and Hank's giveaway on the big show and tell audience that one value subscriber is getting a buttload of FDA meats from Bubba and Hank's, because that's a Gavin certified Uh, beef.
Yeah, why does he have the mid-rolls, Bette Desaim?
We don't get to mention Bubba and Hanks.
Oh, we talk about Bubba and Hanks after the paywall.
So don't you people who are watching this for free go to Bubba and Hanks and check out their delicious beef.
Don't.
That would be terrible.
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You can bet on pretty much everything.
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Mets used to mean must end the season.
Now it stands for must eventually tick off the Superbox.
I don't watch much baseball but is Superbox a thing?
Superbox is the top box when you're betting on the World Series.
So that is a thing?
Yes.
I didn't just make it up.
BetTSI.com slash Gavin promo code.
You don't mind if I Google it?
Uh, there's no time.
There's... No, there's no time.
We're shooting the show, so... You're the boss.
We've got to plow forward.
You can look up Superbox maybe... I already typed it in.
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Might as well just... I like BetTSI more than a friend.
Alright.
We've only got a few minutes left.
So, Jenny.
I thought this was a very interesting question.
Now, first let me start with if someone asked me that I didn't give a shit about.
And I truly care about my babysitter.
She got a lot of, back when the shit was hitting the fan, she was pressured to quit her job.
Even her boyfriend, I think her boyfriend dumped her for not quitting her job.
That's the rumor I heard.
She refused to quit.
She also deals with some abuse.
Because my youngest boy, I think he has a strong alpha gene.
And he sees her, not just as his girlfriend, but as his bitch.
So he doesn't like when other people talk to her.
He doesn't understand why I pay her.
That's my girlfriend.
What are you doing?
And sometimes he'll be kind of shitty to her.
Like they'll be drawing together and then she'll show him the drawing and he'll go, yeah, that's okay.
He's nagging her?
Yeah, he's nagging her.
You got to keep your bitch on a short leash.
That's the guy.
You may know him from how to fight a baby.
He said to me in the car today, coming back from boxing, he goes, uh, he said, uh, Hey dad, I heard that video I'm in has more likes than guava juice.
Cause they all have their little YouTubers, right?
And the kids love guava juice.
Oh yeah.
Okay.
That's their guy.
He's like this little Asian dude who does very clean humor.
Yeah, he'll eat like a pool-sized jello and stuff like that.
I love candy.
2.1 million views.
Hey, I cut my shoe in half.
Look at the smallest spam.
See, this is the problem with what's-her-name, Lilly Singh.
They saw that with Lilly Singh and they went, 2.1 million views?
If we got that on TV, we'd be kicking ass.
So they give her a talk show.
And she continues to do what she does, which is pander to 12-year-olds.
And 12-year-olds are not watching TV at 3 in the morning whenever she's on.
So her show is a complete flop based on some retarded TV exec who assumed that kid YouTube is the same as adult late-night TV.
Welcome to the brown barf.
Welcome to the brown barf.
How to deal with brown people part 2.
Jesus.
So she goes from- Brown.
I hate brown.
Yeah.
Oh, you got- it's always said in this sort of ostentatious way, like, oh, you have a problem with brown people?
I find myself using it just to speak their language, like that Proud Boy who got away because the DA couldn't use the white power narrative.
I often say, yeah, they didn't like it because he was brown.
Oh, her show's canceled.
Her show's canceled already?
It says one week ago, Lilly Singh's show is canceled.
I don't know if that's true.
But, let's see.
Oh no, it was confirmed.
Lilly Singh is just being cancelled from this other person.
How long was that on?
God, it was so bad!
One season, yeah.
Okay, anyway.
So let's start with someone I don't give a shit about.
Right?
Julie.
I would say, do not go to journalism school.
That piece of advice is for everyone from people I don't give a shit about to people I give a shit about.
Journalism school School in general makes you stupider than when you went in.
You should always do a trade, unless it's STEM, right?
Unless you're gonna become a chemist or an engineer or a biochemist, by all means, you should go to school.
If you're sort of like, um, maybe I'll take speech pathology?
Or mass comm?
Or in my case, English literature?
What?
Don't do it.
You're not even, it's not even like I, I took, I have a BA in English for some stupid reason.
Um, even though I already spoke it when I went in.
But they give you this syllabus of Charles Dickens and Emily Bronte and all this crap, boring soap opera shit from the turn of the century, and then a teacher tells you how to interpret it.
So now you're experiencing the books less than you would on your own.
They're telling you how to think, how to enjoy a piece of art.
Now you're getting less out of the art.
You have to go through their fucking eyeballs.
Anyway.
You don't need to go a quarter of a million dollars in debt for that.
And with journalism school, it's not like the 50s where they teach you the five W's, right?
Who, what, when, where, why.
Now they just teach you hegemony and inclusion and fighting white supremacy and blah, blah, blah.
So you come out stupid.
You come out not even stupid, but like a Klingon.
You speak a different language than anyone else in the world.
So do not do that.
The best way to work To become a journalist is to choose what kind of journalist you want.
You want to be.
Now...
Figure that out, say it's Vice, then go to Vice as an intern and just be around.
Do the shittiest job you possibly... By the way, the advice I'm giving right now is for both the people I care about and the people I don't care about.
I'm gonna add an extra layer when we get into people I care about, but I'm just telling you the basics now.
So you go to this salon, slate, whatever the fuck it is, Huffington Post, and you're an intern there.
And what you have to understand as an intern is it's an initiation.
When the guy started the company, like when I started Vice, I had to carry the garbage out, right?
That we didn't come with a garbage man or a maid or even an accountant.
We all had to do those jobs.
So when you start out, we want to punish you and make you experience the same kind of bullshit.
So that means take the garbage out.
I'll never forget this black girl who was an intern for us at Vice.
And I was giving her the normal shitty jobs I give everyone.
And these interns, these millennials, they have this hubris where they want to start just writing a cover story and then being a photographer too.
And I want to design uniforms for the revolution.
So I give her shitty jobs and she quits after three days and I found a crumpled up note inside the intern desk and it said, why do they keep giving?
It was all written on a post-it note.
That have been crumpled up.
So it took tiny writing.
I said, why do they keep giving me these shitty jobs?
Surely 400 years of history has taught them that I'm worth more.
Crumpled up.
So I unraveled it and I just went, yeah, it's cause you're black.
It wasn't 400 years.
I was like, Hey, colored girl, you take out the garbage.
I'm going to give the cool jobs to the white interns because we live in a fucking movie.
By the way, I just got a mail from some liberal saying, didn't you start Vice with a government grant?
You're a fucking hypocrite.
You say you're against the government, then you take... I've explained this many, many times.
Here's the deal.
When you're living in Quebec, you're living in Russia.
It's a communist state, and English people may not work.
You cannot get a job in Quebec, not just if you're not bilingual, but if you have an accent in French, as I did, as my friends did.
So we would do things like we were bike messengers under the table, and stuff like that.
You'd wash dishes, do shit.
Or you would tree plant in the, uh, in the spring, and then save that money for the rest of the year, because Montreal was very cheap.
However, they did have an out.
There was one out, one crack in the pavement, and that was these make work programs.
So, you would act like you had Down Syndrome or something, and you'd cross your eyes, and you'd go to the welfare place, write out the forms with your left hand, get on welfare, and then there'd be a program to get you off welfare, right?
And this off-welfare thing was a magazine called Image, no, a company called Image Interculturelle, which was a big welfare hodgepodge scam system where Haitians were ripping people off, pretending they cared about diversity.
Meanwhile, if you're a Haitian and you're living in Montreal at the time, you were rich enough to get out of that shithole country.
So you're an aristocrat.
And all you cared about was classical music and tea.
So we got on that bandwagon.
Put out the magazine, started making it our own.
We didn't, it was supposed to be a diversity calendar.
We made it about punk bands and stuff.
And then we had to free ourselves from that.
So that involved paying back our debt to that stupid grant, not grant, that welfare program.
And we had to pay them like 35 grand or something.
And eventually, and we changed the name from Voice of Montreal to Vice.
And that's how we started the company.
So it was not because of a government grant.
It was despite.
The government welfare socialist culture at the time.
Think of it more as escaping from Cuba in a raft.
It wasn't like someone helping us going, here, here's some money, make a magazine.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you for this grant money, government.
You did a great job of helping us.
No.
Anyway, sorry.
That's a tangent.
And it's covered in my hit novel, Death of Cool.
So, the thing about being an intern is, you just skulk around, you take out the garbage, you mop, do whatever you can.
It's still way better than school.
And plus, even when you're doing that shitty work, you're seeing people mill around and you're seeing how a magazine works.
You're seeing who works hard, who doesn't, who gets the good stories, who...
Who gets the good stories in that they're given to them.
Hey, can you go interview Ozzy Osbourne?
And who gets the good stories in that they provide them.
Oh, I know this guy in France who just bought a dirty bomb and then ran away because he didn't want to have a nuclear bomb.
Wow.
Thank you for that scoop.
That's a hell of a scoop.
And you see the way they behave.
You also see if this is for you.
You know, writing is hard.
It's, That's a whole other show, but the thing about writing is you have to learn to convey a simple point, like trans athletes are ruining women's sports.
You have to have that as your hypothesis, and you have to nail it quickly.
In the opening paragraph, just nail it.
Get it out there.
And be done in less than 3,000 words.
3,000 words is a massive cover story.
If you have a good point, you should be able to hone it down to 800.
Maybe 1,000.
And then you have your conclusion at the end.
Bing, bang, boom.
Men tend to be better at that kind of writing than women because it's mathematical.
It's the same reason men make better directors.
When you're directing a movie, you have to remember we need the scene from this angle, this angle, this angle.
We have to make sure this is explained.
If this scene isn't working, I have to cut it.
We were just looking at Charlie's Angels today with Elizabeth Banks.
Who wrote and directed and produced, and God, she's just, she did a terrible job.
How dare you!
She made a movie to show how much girls rock, and it showed how much girls suck.
Including the scene at the beginning where Kristen Stewart is standing on a helicopter going, bye!
And you think, that, any normal man would have said, well that scene didn't work.
It looks like it was done by Ryan Ketsu Rivera.
The animation is as good as our mailbag animation.
The other thing about being a writer is you have to read your article like 50 times.
So when you're too verbose, I find what women do generally.
Now, again, I have to add this caveat that most of my top favorite magazine writers, column writers, are women.
Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Naomi Schafer-Riley, Carol Markowitz, Makowicz, that weird Russian chick at New York Post.
I enjoy all of them very much.
Laura Hillerbrand, one of my favorite book writers.
Is she up here?
That is a crazy Dinesh, thinks he's a dode.
But yeah, those are the exceptions that make the rule.
Generally, they tend to do too much research, and then just yammer on, like I'm doing right now.
And the thing I used to always tell young writers is, don't do the red book.
Do la livre rouge.
Now, in English, when you're saying The French way is la livre, right?
the red book, the way the brain goes is the and then red.
Okay, so now we just see this huge big pile of red paint.
Then you say book, and now we have to take that red and cram it into a little book.
That's too much work.
The French way is la livre, right?
They say book first, and then they say rouge.
So you fill in the book red.
Start with what you need.
I would say 800 word piece.
All right.
So I'm not going to get too elaborate.
It's too small.
Now, a perfect example of women being inept when it comes to writing, and I'm sorry to spend so much time on this, Jen, is find that article.
Was it in Slate about the Bible that bleeds oil?
This is the perfect example of women who shouldn't write.
Someone who probably would have been much happier at home.
So she finds out.
What's her name now?
Ruth Graham.
Ruth Graham discovers that in the second most uneducated town in America, the least degrees, so a working class, sad, derelict town, a small town in Georgia, she discovers that some senior citizens down there are convinced a Bible bleeds oil.
Well, let me get down there to debunk that myth and show these 87 year olds that they're, look at it, look at him.
So she flies down, she must've been there for two weeks.
She flies down there to tell these people, do tons of research.
She discovers, of course, that the Bible that bleeds oil, that oil was actually coming from a tractor supply store and the guy with the magic Bible was cheating.
Whoa.
Watergate.
Watergate.
So it's a silly, irrelevant story.
The editor should have said, I'm not going to go pick on some old people in a small town and tell them that leprechauns don't exist.
What a waste of fucking time.
But go, go to the top of the article.
Look how fucking long this is.
Okay.
Scroll down.
Circumcise your point, my dear.
It goes on and on and on and what is the point of this?
That uneducated geriatrics occasionally believe bullshit?
Wow!
Who knew?
She of course tries to extrapolate that Trump supporters and Christians in general are assholes, but that doesn't work.
Anyway, sorry, that was a long tangent to say, and we're going to go behind the paywall soon, and we'll be taking calls at ten, to say that when you're sitting there as an intern, you're going to see other people working, and you're going to see them stressed out, and you'll wonder, is this really for me?
And if you're a woman, I'd say the odds are 80% it's not.
A fucking woman, boss?
But, um, and I'm sorry, Jen, if this sounds discouraging, but, like, I'm probably not cut out for fashion design.
That doesn't mean there's not exceptions to the rule.
And again, most of my top writers are female.
But I'm talking to you here on a human level.
By the way, that's going to get us YouTube annihilated.
No, those little clips?
Yes, they're breathing down my throat.
Now, here's what happens as an intern.
Inevitably, they're going to press And, oh shit, they don't... Did they call back with that CD review?
Yeah, he's AWOL.
We can't find him, but we definitely... They're advertising with it, so we definitely need the review.
Fuckin'... Hey, you!
What?
Me?
Taking out the garbage?
Yeah.
Do you know anything about TripHop?
Or, uh, Skrillex or whatever?
Uh, no?
Uh, yes, yes.
Just say yes.
Always say yes.
And can you pound this out?
We need it in like two hours.
It only has to be like a hundred words.
Just say what you think of it.
Okay.
Here's what you got to do.
This is the secret to success.
There are times in your life where you're going to be handed an opportunity.
That's a tiny little window into, it's a portal into your future.
Take the crowbar when that happens, jam it in the hole and then pry it open.
And try to keep it open as long as you can!
So when you get that assignment, research the shit out of that band.
Research the background.
Where are they coming from?
Cram it all in.
Also have a new angle.
Like, I'm done with East Coast music.
The West Coast keeps providing blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And these guys.
It's fun, and they're irreverent, and they have a sense of humor, but some sort of overall point.
You know, you have to squeeze that hypothesis, supporting paragraphs, and conclusion all in that little hundred word blip.
But really nail it.
And then they'll go, huh, that was kind of weird, and funny, and smart.
I like you.
Now you're going to have more opportunities.
The classic example I always use with the crowbar is Ryan McGinley, the photographer.
He got a gig very early on.
I think he was still in photography school, which is a stupid waste of time.
And I think he'd been in Vice a few times.
The New York Times was always poaching our contributors.
And the New York Times mag hired him to do pictures of the Olympic swim team.
They only needed like two.
So he could have just gone and handed them in the two pictures and they would have went, alright, Ryan's okay.
He went mental.
He rented all these underwater cameras with these weird filters on them.
He took roll after roll of film.
You should be looking at New York Times Magazine, Ryan McGinley, Olympic swimmers.
Are you?
Yeah.
Or are you just looking up Olympic swimmers?
No, Ryan McGinley, photographer.
So he went bananas.
And he basically handed them an encyclopedia of coffee table books.
Now, they didn't need any of that.
And I realize this kinda contradicts my red book, leaf rouge thing.
So that's what he provided them.
Shit, I just totally contradicted myself.
Ryan McGinley 2010.
My whole point was flushing down the toilet.
Photography is different than writing.
With writing, they don't want a huge pile of words.
When you give, when someone asks you for 800 and you give 3,000 or you write that fucking diatribe about the oiled, oily Bible, now someone has to sort through that and it's really, really hard To make 10,000 words, 3,000 words.
It's not hard to make this many pictures, this many pictures.
In fact, it's fun because it's like swiping.
You're just like, no, no, no, no, no.
Yes.
No, no, no, no, no.
Yes.
So that's why it's not a contradiction.
He pried open the hole.
They were so impressed that they asked him again and then again and again.
And that one opportunity he turned into a career.
You can do that with your stupid CD review.
All right.
Let me read the last one.
I'm going to go through the payroll.
And then after we're done this, behind the paywall, we're going to talk about People I care about.
And that's a much bigger question, Jen, because do you want to be the HuffPo, Daily Beast kind of a journalist like Jared Holt and Andy Campbell and Christopher Mattias and these hate watch tattletales who are tattling on someone who's not actually who they think they are?
So they're basically, they write fiction for a living.
Those people never go anywhere.
They never have a legacy.
You'll notice that 99% of the authors at Gawker never went on to do anything else because they're little cunty snitches.
And I don't even like saying snitch because snitch implies the person did rob the bank.
But they're just saying that guy's a bank robber who didn't rob a bank.
So they're worse than snitches.
They're more like people who think that other people are witches during the Salem Witch Trials.
So do you want to be part of that world?
It's, if you're not too serious and you don't want to do this for decades, then that's an angle.
Anyway, I'm going to get into that in more detail because my first half was how to make it if you're anyone, but my second half is going to be, what do you really want?
How do we give you a fulfilling career in journalism?
The kind of career someone like Ann Coulter's had, where they have a legacy they can look back on with pride.
That's trickier.
Anyway, before I get to Bubba and Hanks, I'm going to repeat johnnyapple.com.
That's true.
johnnyapple.com.
Please go there right now.
Use promo code Gavin.
Get 20% off.
There's the tincture for your coffee.
There's the gummies to nap.
There is the topical for your sore joints.
You know, I was thinking this morning when I got out of bed in slow motion.
Sore joints is things that working-class people have when they work in factories.
I've synthesized this by going to a gym and abusing myself and sparring and stuff and getting beaten up.
It's like I feel guilty about not being the same blue collar my dad was as a young man and all my ancestors are, so I'm synthesizing it.
Same with the fights, too.
My dad fought every day.
I don't really come across fights in real life, so I make them.
I pay people.
How dare you!
JohnnyAppleCBD.com, JohnnyApple.com, promo code Gavin, 20% off.
Please support those brave enough to support free speech.
We like them more than a friend.
All right, magical time here where I end the show for YouTube, and I end it with how I end every show, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
I also implore you to go to censored.tv.
Oh, that'll already be in the end card thing, right?
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