Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #33

Feb. 8, 2020 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:20:57

GOML LIVE #33 | BANNED

After discussing our recent ban from Instagram, we realize everyone who even remotely associates with us is banned from Instagram AND Facebook. Ryan lost all the pictures of his ethnically ambiguous cousins. This brings us to the fear of "hate" and how illegitimate it is. Then we kick off the freeloaders and take some calls.

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	Sorry, I'm late, dog.
	My chair's stuck.
	Yeah, I don't got notes.
	I ain't organized.
	I've been running around like a chicken with his head cut off.
	Just running, running, blood spurting everywhere, making weird gestures, joining the circus and living for approximately 2.8 years before eventually toppling down dead.
	That's a true story, you know?
	That a chicken that survived 2.8 years?
	Yeah.
	What?
	There was some attraction at some circus thing, and there was like the bearded lady and the two-headed snake, and one of the things was a chicken with his head cut off, and he was doing fine.
	The no-headed chicken.
	The no-headed chicken.
	Mike, his name was.
	Mike.
	Mike, you're acting like the headless chicken that is your namesake.
	How long did he live for?
	18 months.
	What did I say?
	2.8 years?
	All right, I was off.
	1.5 years.
	Yeah.
	Fame.
	Fame.
	I want to live forever.
	Wait, fame.
	I want to learn how to fly.
	Oh my God.
	That song's about Mike.
	Fame.
	I want to live forever.
	I want to live forever.
	I want to learn how to fly.
	Holy shit.
	The people who made the movie fame are fucking geniuses.
	They're chicken lovers.
	Or more specifically, Genie I. We've got a lot to cover today.
	The reason I'm late is I've been dealing with all this most recent gossip.
	We're banned.
	We might be banned from YouTube.
	You might not be seeing this on YouTube because I might not have a YouTube channel.
	So who am I talking to?
	I guess the people behind the paywall at censored.tv, which you cannot say.
	You cannot say censored.tv on Instagram.
	You can't say it in private DMs.
	Hey, man, did you hear about censored.tv, which I hate?
	Those guys are jerks.
	I'm glad they're banned.
	Send?
	Nope.
	It won't send.
	They tried to, I got some screenshots.
	I don't want to show them.
	I can't see you.
	I don't want to show the screenshots because it gives away people's identities.
	Oh, I love the way you make the word identities fun.
	Yes.
	Someone with a vocabulary of 140 should not be coming up with fun names.
	Why don't you just stick to words?
	Identities.
	There we go.
	But yeah, they would send me a thing where they can't, you know, you could put your website in the bio and you try to.
	You can't censor TV and it says you're a Nazi or something.
	Yeah, you're a Nazi.
	You could put Pornhub or, you know.
	Pornhub's fine.
	Ryan had his personal Facebook shut down today, which is like pictures of his little Puerto Rican Japanese siblings and cousins.
	Not necessarily in that order.
	Some are Japanese, some are Puerto Rican.
	And some aren't cousins.
	Who else?
	Oh, yeah.
	We have this Serbian dude who does our tech, which is not easy with censored.tv because everyone's trying to shut it down.
	So everything is on 340 levels of encryption.
	And he's like, I'm not sure what I appreciate you make a news show, right?
	News?
	You like a podcast?
	You don't really understand, but I've just been kicked off of Facebook.
	So I have to explain to my boss why I can no longer administer it to the Facebook.
	Like what they're really doing here is they're saying, I don't just want you to not have a voice.
	I don't want you to have any friends.
	Like Max Hare, the proud boy who's in prison and governor for the next four years, he's dating this girl.
	And she's not political.
	They met shortly before he went to prison, but she says, I think I'm going to stick by this guy.
	She works at a nail salon.
	They start, Antifa radical leftists have been harassing her mother, her father, her, she's like 21, and the nail salon.
	They don't want Max to have a girlfriend.
	The fact that he's in prison for four years is not good enough.
	Do you understand?
	This is really what's going on here.
	Ron Coleman, the lawyer that's helping me sue the SPLC, summed it up perfectly.
	They're Bolsheviks.
	They only care about power.
	And people who care about power are insatiable.
	Like ISIS.
	They're never satisfied.
	So get the guy in prison.
	That's nothing.
	I want to make sure he doesn't have a love in his life.
	Bullshit.
	Oh, that's good.
	Anyway, we got these shirts.
	I'm not really liking them.
	What?
	First of all, they're too fucking small.
	Look at this.
	This is a large, right?
	Mine fits perf.
	Yeah, you're a midge.
	Mine's a small.
	Okay, this is my large.
	Well, you're putting it over a trench or a P coat.
	Does that look like it fits?
	That's over your trench coat.
	Now you're stretching this out.
	Now you're making me look fat.
	Look how hard it is to get on your body.
	Yet again, you're wearing multiple layers of clothing.
	A shirt's supposed to go under those things.
	You know what's perfect?
	Earlier I said you don't have a vocabulary.
	Correct.
	So don't make funny words.
	And then you called a P coat a trench coat, but fund it up by saying a trench.
	And then I said a P. Because I'm so positive that's a trench coat.
	I'm going to call it a trench.
	And then I said a P.
	To abbreviate a coat means you're familiar with it and you're bored.
	So you think it's the coat?
	Well, mine fits perfect, and you can get these at censor.tv.
	Don't say that.
	We'll be banned.
	Didn't you get a notice on your Facebook that you were promoting hate?
	Yeah, some crap like that.
	And what was the hate?
	You were saying like, hate's awesome.
	Hey, everyone.
	We're having a hate convention on Thursday.
	It says as follows.
	Yeah, I broke the policies, the following.
	Support for a violent or criminal organization or group, credible threats of harm to others or the promotion of self-destructive behavior, targeting other individuals, hate speech, single out people based on race, ethnicity, national origin.
	Did you do all of those or they're saying this is the rough?
	No, this is just basically we don't like you.
	God, look at my nips these days.
	They're like pencil erasers.
	You got three of them.
	Finally, a good joke.
	Thanks.
	I like these shirts, but they kind of, without explanation or context, it kind of looks like a Nambla shirt.
	They can see your head is the full size.
	So yeah, that's what's going on today.
	And I got all kinds of goss about it.
	You know what was funny?
	Gateway Pundit wrote an article about it.
	Cassandra Fairbanks wrote it up.
	And it was banned because it had censored.tv in the title.
	Wow, wow.
	But I got, there's weird shit going on.
	This isn't as simple as it sounds.
	For example, um, do, do, do, do, do, do.
	Still on Twitter.
	Apparently we got reported by some Bernie groups and similar types of people.
	One of the initial reports mentioned that they couldn't believe censor.tv was allowed to operate in public venues like Facebook.
	These bans have been passed to Facebook PR team and there's a note that has been logged for law enforcement.
	Logged, meaning it's not deleted.
	They've saved everything.
	It doesn't mean they've sent it, but that they've kept all of the content and comments in case law enforcement wants it later.
	Apparently, we don't belong on the internet, let alone Facebook.
	But it's definitely coordinated.
	There was actually only one content-related report for our pages until yesterday.
	Then there were lots of them that came in all last night at once.
	This is right after Trump's State of the Union, right?
	No, that was two nights ago.
	Yeah, it was after his little Victory Lap speech.
	Right.
	Kind of.
	That's the timing, I see.
	They waited for our named banning, our name change.
	Banning censored TV is a lot easier than banning free speech.tv.
	And then some insider, insider insiders said, if Gavin says he is distancing himself from some groups, Facebook might consider a reinstatement.
	Distancing myself.
	Yeah, we tried that.
	It didn't work.
	Two men still went to prison.
	Although I was happy to get that letter from John where he said, dude, don't freak out.
	Yes, they used everything you've ever said in our trial, but if they didn't, it would have been a MAGA hat.
	And he brought up a good point.
	He said, you know, they had those big banners that were put all over New York.
	And one of them had Max as a smiling.
	It said, smiling in the face of tyranny.
	And then Cuomo really freaked out and made Max a CMC, I believe it's called.
	What the fuck does that mean again?
	There's some things my brain just cannot remember.
	And one of them is this acronym.
	Probably because, yeah, here it is.
	A CMC, close monitoring case.
	I can never remember that.
	Close monitoring case.
	It's like the guy in the Kansas City Chiefs that went to New Rochelle High.
	I can never remember him.
	Already getting screenshots from your little shirt debacle.
	Quasi-Modo.
	They made John a CMC right after.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Oh, wow.
	So John with the Black Wife is basically, a CMC means when they move you from prison to prison, you have like your own, this is another word I always forget.
	And you, of course, will never be able to help me.
	No way.
	But when a president travels in a bunch of different cars, it's not a convoy.
	It's a thingamedoodle.
	A motorcade.
	Motorcade.
	Yes.
	Wow.
	Ryan is on his game tonight.
	That's right.
	An MC.
	So they have to travel in an MC.
	And that's John and Max now.
	And obviously, John had no banners.
	So the banners don't really matter.
	In other words, the impetus, the justification is all bullshit.
	It's all lies.
	This is what we have to understand about Clown World.
	They're lying to us.
	Did you know that there's a Nazi threat in this country that's as bad as ISIS?
	The FBI, according to my alma mater, Vice.com, just announced that the FBI has declared that ISIS is just as serious of a threat as white nationalism.
	Why are you fucking blogging on social media when you should be looking up the article I'm talking about?
	Putting out a tweet.
	Why are you putting out a tweet?
	Hey?
	For the video comments and also letting people know that we're live.
	Okay, the latter makes a little more sense.
	Yeah, that's the real threat in this country.
	ISIS, jihadism, the real threat, what's really killing us are Nazis.
	Ah, Jesus age.
	Fucking Christ.
	Sorry, folks.
	Lull in the show.
	FBI.
	ISIS.
	White nationalism.
	Vice.
	Why is that so hard?
	I got other articles that aren't by your Alpha Mater.
	Alpha Mater.
	Yes.
	Alma Mater.
	Alma Mater.
	FBI considers white supremacist groups as much of a threat as ISIS.
	And what the fuck is the picture they use?
	Bunch of guys with Confederate flags.
	I don't know what the black and white ones are, but I've never seen those before.
	Yeah, they keep going back to Charlottesville, of course.
	So from what I gather, the big risk of white supremacy is the base and Atomwaffen.
	When Andy No doxes Antifa, but he doesn't really dox them.
	He just publishes their publicly available mugshot and says this was the one who was throwing bricks at cars.
	So the criticism for him for doing that is, quote unquote, and this is going to sound radical, but radical is mainstream now.
	Andy No is providing kill lists for Adam Waffen.
	So this Nazi mafia sees, I guess, these mugshots and they just put it on a list.
	And they go, that's the guy I'm going to kill next.
	I'm going to kill that guy.
	Which, if that was true, I kind of get your point.
	That is as bad as jihadists.
	But then you look them up and it's a fucking joke.
	We talked about this this week because I had never heard of them before.
	You look them up and you go, oh, the New York Times is like, there was this death and it was associated with them.
	There was that death and it was associated with them.
	There was this death and it was associated with them.
	And you go, fuck, that sounds bad.
	A lot of deaths associated with these guys.
	There it is.
	Look at the opening paragraph.
	When two Florida men, the name came up.
	When the roommate, he did not shoot with sentenced five years, the name came up.
	When his arrest was made, the name came up.
	Wow, it sounds like we have a problem on our hands with Atom Waffen.
	And then you look at those cases and it's like, oh, one of them was some psychotic Muslim who killed someone in Adam Waffen because he said they were Nazis, which I believe they are.
	The other was, the other two deaths were like some guy killed his girlfriend's parents because she said, don't date him.
	He's a Nazi psycho.
	That's the Muslim.
	So it's basically like this tiny group of a handful of psycho kids who have deaths associated with them that are not really white supremacy.
	And that's fucking like three or four or five.
	Meanwhile, 20 black men killed by other black men in this drug war.
	130 opioid overdoses a day.
	And if you want to get into mass shootings, which we should get into in a second, white nationalists, that's something I actually want to really examine because I think I've been too generous in the past with that term.
	But anyway, then you look up the base and you go, okay, that sounds terrible.
	Apparently the base is some, oh, it's an English translation of Al-Qaeda.
	And you go, fuck.
	Like, I consider I'm wrong sometimes, believe it or not.
	So when I hear about this new group that's planning to take over America with a giant race war, I go, shit, that's bad.
	And then you look at them.
	Look at these clowns.
	Look at these little kids.
	Same as Atom Woffen.
	And what does it say?
	Alleged members of white supremacy group, the base, charged with plotting to kill Antifa couple.
	And then you find out, actually, no, it's a CIA operative who gets on these chats trying to find the bad guys.
	And then he says, blah, blah, blah, we should kill them, the Jews and blah, blah, blah, the Negroes, whatever.
	We need to fight for whatever.
	And then some kids go, yeah, that sounds cool.
	Why don't we fucking kill them?
	And the next thing you know, you allegedly caught these fucking white supremacists.
	Again, tiny handful of freaks.
	But they take these weird little, totally irrelevant groups slash events and they make it into a pattern.
	And now it's the new ISIS.
	And that's okay if it's the Huffington Post and the Daily Beast saying stupid shit like that.
	But when it's the FBI, like remember that guy?
	I was an FBI double agent.
	And he said, he literally conflated the two.
	He said, I was on a hit list and put up, look up like FBI double agent, Proud Boys, Adam Waffen.
	I think he was on the Daily Beast.
	And he said, I was doxxed after I said, blah, blah, blah.
	I don't know what the fuck he said.
	And then I got scared I'd be on a list, a list that could include, you know, psychotic groups coming to kill me like Adam Waffen or Proud Boys.
	You go, no, no, no, no, no.
	The Proud Boys is the Elks Lodge.
	Yes, they've been involved in violence, but it's violence defending themselves when they get attacked by lunatics.
	How many times do they attack Mark Bray's Antifa handbook book readings?
	Zero times.
	They don't go looking for trouble.
	Their motto is fuck around and find out.
	You're not finding it, are you?
	No, I know who you're talking about, too.
	It's that precious smiley dude.
	Ready?
	Let's have a race.
	I'm going to go.
	Was it Daily Beast or Buzz?
	Yeah.
	FBI Double Agent Proud Boys.
	Let's do that.
	What do we got?
	Searching, it's searching.
	It's wondering.
	Robert Hansen comes up.
	Andy No, here we go.
	Naveed Jamali.
	How long did that take me?
	How long did that take me?
	A couple seconds.
	Very fast.
	Very fast.
	Newsweek, Andy No says Antifa far left are as violent as white nationalism.
	Far right.
	Sorry, sorry.
	I'm saying this headline very poorly.
	This is someone criticizing Andy No.
	Andy No says Antifa slash far left are as violent as white nationalism slash far right.
	Here's why I disagree.
	Opinion.
	This guy's Naveed Jamali.
	Wait, you still are unable to fucking locate this?
	You spell that?
	No.
	So he goes, I was notified that my information and that of my spouse, our minor children, my parents and siblings, were listed on a Target website.
	And here's where he gets weird.
	Associated with the likes of Atom Woffen.
	So not Adam Waffen, not those little kids I showed you earlier, but just the likes of that.
	I was on sites associated with that.
	What the fuck does that mean?
	Not only was being on the list shocking, blah, blah, blah, filed police reports.
	And then he squeezes in a sentence later.
	As a result, I am so terrified that even today, I do not wish to use my name for a very real fear of reprisal by groups such as the Proud Boys.
	Dude, you're still fucking tangled over your sweatpants.
	Newsweek, Andy No says Antifa.
	Just go into the search bar and write Andy Ngo says Antifa and then Newsweek.
	I typed it in.
	So this is a new one.
	I can find something in a matter of seconds, and then I start discussing it, and you still have no fucking clue what's going on.
	Are you using Brave?
	Nope.
	Yes?
	Naveed Jamali.
	I'm using Brave and DuckDuckGo.
	Okay, because I got them.
	Yeah, you got him, but you don't have the Newsweek article.
	We're discussing.
	Look what I typed in.
	I'm going to zoom in on that.
	Andy No says Antifa far left are as violent as white nationalism.
	You said Antida.
	Welcome home.
	Anyway, that shit show overrode the story that I'm talking about.
	But he says, by the likes of Adam Waffen, which sounds terrible because it is, though it's only seven guys.
	And then he conflates that with Proud Boys and then has a picture of Proud Boys.
	This is ironically why we're banned from Instagram because right now, by me just sort of clarifying these common misconceptions, I'm glorifying hate and extremism and violence.
	Which is why you cannot show this anywhere.
	God damn it, that took you a long ass fucking time.
	I gave Ryan a raise today, if you can believe that.
	Yes?
	I gave him a raise.
	I said, let's give you $200 more a paycheck.
	But no more, let's not do any more invoicing.
	Like, oh, I went on this trip.
	I'm going to send you, you know, invoice you $200.
	This was Ryan's takeaway.
	Wait a minute.
	If I work like every single weekend and I go on trips every week, I won't, I'll be down.
	I'll actually do less.
	I'll make less money than I would if I'd invoice for those.
	And I had to explain to him that not every single week do we go on a trip.
	No, not a trip.
	But we just got two new shows, both of them being shot here.
	And I figure that's going to be a me thing.
	I have to edit them and shoot them.
	So that's, you know, if it's every other week, it's $100 per day.
	It's whatever.
	I was just asking, what days do you need me?
	No, you literally didn't understand that if you had a bad week, like say we go to CPAC and AFPAC and all that stuff, and you work your ass off and you work Saturday and Sunday, you could have invoiced that for more.
	But that's just that particular week.
	You don't seem to understand there's 52 of those.
	Right.
	No, yeah.
	So, but the two new shows are a big thing too, because that's going to be.
	No, they're EZ Ps.
	Okay.
	One is just Larry Barnes with a green screen talking about various fights.
	And then Gary's mailbag is just one long shot.
	What's the editing there?
	Just in case we do an ambitious Larry Barnes thing where I'm cutting up stuff like a normal green screen.
	Anyway, so that's what pisses me off about this bullshit rumor that white nationalism is everywhere and Nazis are everywhere.
	They're not fucking anywhere.
	And if you tell anyone saying that, they go, yeah, I know.
	But you tell the left that and they go, you're fucking insane.
	They're a major threat.
	What about Charlottesville?
	They always say that.
	Now, we've done this video a million times, but I want to change it a bit.
	So what did we work out?
	We went through the past 10 years of mass shootings because the reason people need to be censored is they will lead to online radicalization and there will be a mass shooting.
	So it starts out, it's a nice, innocent boy, your son, your 18-year-old son, and then he watches something like this and he hears all the hate we spew.
	And then he goes and gets a gun and shoots up a synagogue or a black church or something.
	That's the mentality, which sounds fucking insane, obviously.
	But that's a mainstream belief.
	So we thought, okay, let's go to the very end of that crazy equation and look at mass shootings, right?
	And we found in the past 10 years, it's been about 14.
	And Antifa responsible for one of them.
	That's 10 dead in Ohio, was it?
	Radical Islam, that's crystal clear.
	Four shootings, 84 dead.
	Mental illness, of course, dominates the charts.
	But you know the problem with mental illness?
	If you talk about it on the news, you have to criticize pharmaceutical companies like Dylan Roof and what's his name?
	Adam, what's that guy with the crazy eyes?
	Adam Lanza?
	Adam Lanza.
	If you start talking about that on the news, you lose all your pharmaceutical advertisers.
	And that's not good for business, which is another great thing about censored.tv, by the way.
	We don't have to worry about pharmaceuticals.
	Oh, shit, I forgot to mention our sponsor.
	Our pharmaceutical.
	Our pharmaceutical.
	Most of these kids who do these mass shootings are on CBD, but you won't hear that on censored.tv.
	So the radical Islam category here, there's no controversy.
	You know all these cases.
	It's San Bernardino.
	It's the Pulse shooting.
	Of course, I didn't include 9-11.
	There'd be a few decimal places on the biggest one.
	But the white supremacy, wait, I want to have a new look at.
	So we got three, three shootings, 42 dead.
	Four shootings, 84 dead.
	And again, I'm sorry to repeat myself, but Muslims are 1% of the population.
	We're told white supremacists lurk around every corner.
	So you should already, even by your crazy stats, be concerned that 1% is doing only twice as much damage.
	Wait, twice as much damage as, what, 40%?
	But let's re-look at these.
	Can we re-look at those three white supremacy things?
	11, 9, and what was the other one?
	2?
	No.
	11, 9, and 9.
	Wait, 11, 22, and 9.
	11, 22, and 9.
	Okay, so what are the white supremacy shootings?
	Okay, El Paso.
	El Paso.
	1022.
	Yeah, I'm not really, I'm changing my mind about this.
	Weren't his politics like totally not aligned with the right at all?
	It was pretty lefty.
	And are we out of articles here?
	Aren't you logged into New York Times?
	No, this is it.
	Oh, okay.
	That's a full article.
	But it says you have three articles left.
	Oh.
	Anyway, this guy was against immigration.
	Lots of Mexicans are against immigration.
	I've seen studies that show 30% of American Hispanics who are citizens and are middle class are against illegal immigration.
	So it's not really a white supremacy thing.
	And most people against immigration are against Bosnians, Chechnyans, all kinds of Eastern Europeans coming in here.
	They don't get that specific, really.
	Pat Buchanan said, who would assimilate better, a thousand Zulus or a thousand Englishmen?
	But outside of that, it's not a common argument you hear.
	Like Ann Coulter says, stop everything.
	I don't care where they're from.
	I don't care if they're PhDs from England.
	So to call a shooting about immigration a perfect example of white supremacy, I'm crossing it off the list.
	So what was that?
	That was, what number was that?
	That was 22 of them.
	Okay.
	22 killed.
	22.
	This one would be 11 at the synagogue shooting.
	Again, white supremacy?
	I mean, aren't Jews white?
	We had the black Hebrew Israelites.
	Right now, there is a massive scourge of black people attacking Jews.
	Actually, we just had black people attacking this Chinese woman with a mask on because she must have the disease, the Huan virus, the corona beer virus, which I've always said was a virus.
	It's a disgusting beer.
	It tastes like wet cardboard.
	Yeah, no one is talking about this at all in New York.
	Go back to the front, the top.
	I'm trying to see if there's a video.
	Yeah, but let me see the title.
	Oh, coronavirus hate attack.
	Woman in face mask allegedly assaulted by man who calls her.
	Man, it was not a man.
	It was like five black teenagers.
	Man.
	Equaling one man.
	It was a youth.
	Oh, got the video.
	This wouldn't even be that much of a story if they didn't have the video.
	Warning people at home.
	Look at that man Don't touch me All right.
	You can start by not hitting me.
	Don't touch someone you don't want to be touched.
	Maybe it is just one guy.
	He's got a knife.
	No, you can see someone else coming around the corner.
	They all seem to be armed.
	Oh my God, this woman has a disease.
	Let me start stabbing and punching her.
	Don't come around here no more.
	But yeah, so there's a massive problem with black on Jew violence in New York, which is horrible.
	The media is even more horrible at reporting it accurately.
	In fact, they say that the black Hebrew Israelites are sort of, what's the word they use?
	Manifesting white supremacy somehow.
	It's an example of white supremacy.
	Anti-Semitism isn't blacks versus Jews.
	Saying so hurts us all.
	What?
	Well, no one's saying the concept is that, but as far as the past six months goes in New York, it seems to be a predominantly black problem.
	We have black teenagers in Williamsburg.
	This is going to get us kicked off YouTube.
	I'm trying to be as factual as possible.
	And then we have the two shootings, the black Hebrew Israelite shootings.
	Anyway, my point of all of that is to say, is anti-Semitism, which I'm against, I'm a Semite.
	No, I'm not a Semite.
	I'm a Zionist, pro-Semite Zionist.
	I love Israel.
	I love my Jays.
	But is anti-Semitism white supremacy?
	It's certainly not when it comes to the black Hebrew Israelites.
	It's certainly not when it comes to these black teenagers attacking Hasidim in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
	Certainly not in any of these clips.
	So, no, you can't have that either.
	You hear me?
	So, so what do we got now?
	We got 22, 11, and 9.
	Yeah, what we have left for the nine.
	Hold on, go back, go back.
	So, what was the 22?
	22 was the first one.
	What was that?
	The first one was the 11 Dead for the Synagogue.
	11 Dead for the Synagogue.
	I don't want to come across as I'm trivializing any of these, by the way.
	They're all fucking horrific.
	22 lives lost at El Paso.
	El Paso.
	So that was immigration.
	Yes.
	And then Dylan Roof church massacre.
	And I believe, what isn't that?
	Yeah.
	I'm sorry.
	That's the remaining one.
	I'm done.
	This is not necessarily indicative of white supremacy.
	This is a lunatic.
	Look at his fucking face.
	Now, I'm sorry to bring Michelle Malkin into this analogy, but I have to.
	Michelle Malkin, if she was to be called a conservative, she is, I would say she's far right.
	In fact, she hates most of the conservative movement, hence her new book, Conservative Inc.
	If you were to allege that she's a conservative, you would have to prove it.
	You would go through maybe this many best-selling books and article after article after speech after speech.
	She has a canon.
	She has a legacy.
	She's well known in that community.
	She's had back and forth.
	She's had debates.
	We have her on censored.tv arguing with Michael Eric Dyson, was it?
	Yep.
	Who was wearing an African garb?
	No, no, no.
	He was wearing a suit.
	It is Roland Martin that was wearing the African garbage.
	The daishiki.
	Yes.
	Remember when Michael Eric Dyson was like, fucking with me because I'm a teenager with a little bit of gold and a pager.
	Motherfucker got it bad because I'm brown.
	Yeah, I'm familiar with NWA.
	They have two arguments on that album, dude.
	But he said it.
	One is, why are cops fucking with me?
	The other is, I never should have been let out the penitentiary.
	Yeah, one of them is I kill cops.
	One of them is I'm not just cops.
	They talk about killing motherfuckers everywhere they go.
	And then secondly, why are there cops everywhere?
	It's like, I'm just a murderer who never should have been let out of the penitentiary.
	And now I'm the bad guy.
	Anyway, sorry.
	The reason I bring up Michelle is to say Dylan Roof as a white supremacist, really?
	Like, were people tuning into what Dylan Roof has to say?
	Yes, he said stupid racist shit in his dumb manifesto.
	Yes, he was carrying a Confederate flag in a picture.
	He's also carrying a Gold's Gym flag.
	I put him on the same plateau.
	Same pedestal?
	Panel?
	Category Group?
	Adam Lanza.
	Come on.
	Be honest with yourself.
	Is Dylan Roof a white supremacist or is he a crazy supremacist?
	So, I mean, I kind of got to redo that whole video because I'm done with those three.
	I'm totally open to the threat of white nationalism.
	And I'm totally open to you cutting accounts of people on social media if there's an imminent race war.
	That sounds right to me.
	Good.
	Do that.
	But not only is there not an imminent race war, there is an imminent racism.
	You're making it up.
	And I can't quite figure out why.
	Like, I know with climate change, it makes sense to say, uh-oh, there's global warming, we're all going to die, because you get money when you say that.
	But do you get money when you say white supremacists are the real problem?
	Maybe because there's more of them.
	I mean, Muslims are only 1% of the population.
	When you say jihadists are an issue, it doesn't really pay the bills.
	There's that chart of whiteness becoming more reported than ever.
	Oh, that's a tough one to find.
	I'll give you a blowjob if you can remember that one.
	Ooh, searching.
	Incentive town.
	Do we do CBD yet or no?
	No, I'm about to do it now.
	Go to jacbd.com.
	Johnny Apple CBD.
	You see, it's a pun.
	Johnny Apple Seed, Johnny Apple CBD.
	You will not get high, but everything else wonderful about this particular gift from God is present in Johnny Apple CBD.
	We've got the tincture.
	We've got the gummies.
	We've got the cookies.
	We've got the topical.
	Everyone in my gym uses a topical.
	I did weights today.
	I just did weight training and I'm starting to feel the burn right now.
	Tomorrow is going to be AIDS and I'm going to CBD it up.
	Yep.
	So I can spar.
	I CBD every morning with my coffee.
	I fucking, I got to be honest.
	I hate sparring.
	Like today, my buddy Huey was like, I fucking got in it with Tommy, man.
	We were brawling.
	We were brawling.
	It was crazy.
	Coach Svenci said, stop, stop, stop.
	After the fourth round.
	Like, he makes it sound like it was two dudes jamming.
	Like, you were in a fight.
	That's terrible.
	It's not fucking.
	It's not like I had her ankles like this.
	It was fucking crazy, dude.
	No, it's like the punches fucking hurt.
	Even with the headgear is bullshit, by the way.
	The headgear only prevents you from getting cut with stitches and stuff, like on a glove.
	You know what I mean?
	It's still the same impact.
	And I've noticed after I spar, I'll touch my forehead and my forehead kills.
	Which brings us to our new show, Fighting with Larry Barnes.
	He did such a great job on reporting on his fight with Felix Trinidad.
	I'm just going to make him go through the greatest fights of all time.
	Apparently, there was this guy named Merle Haggard, who was a big deal.
	Do you know about this?
	I hear your little joke that you tell every time you go there.
	Well, couldn't you have gone with it and said, I think his name is Marvin Hagler?
	Have you ever heard of a straight again?
	I thought it was Merle Haggard.
	Wow.
	So you thought Marvin Hagler's name was, well, then how did you know what my joke was?
	Because I thought it was the other name.
	Do I get some sort of Special Olympics gold medal for working with you?
	Copper Cab.
	I think you should write it off in your taxes like that.
	Yeah, shouldn't the government be paying me to hire you?
	You give the guy a raise?
	What if I work every day, all day?
	That is not a raise.
	Yeah, I guess technically that would be fucked up.
	That looked like a nice.
	Anyway, so we'll get Larry go through that.
	You know what would be funny too?
	We'll have him do like a Tyson fight that's 30 seconds, and that episode will be 30 seconds long.
	Wow.
	And then other fights that are 15 rounds will be whatever it is, an hour.
	Also, another new show, even though we're banned, and by the way, peace.
	Gary's Mailbank.
	Yes.
	A gentleman who surrounds the studio on a regular basis and is not your average beauty.
	He's like a nine.
	Eats Fritos and goes through our mailbag.
	I got to give it to you.
	That was, there's magic there.
	Yeah.
	There's magic.
	You don't understand how much of a genius I am.
	What's that box?
	That's a Fritos box.
	Oh, this isn't the show.
	This is like before when I'm giving him the Fritos.
	That's all you got.
	Anyway, he gets some Fritos and some money and he reads the mailbag.
	I'm there too to help guide him because he doesn't have a ton to offer as far as life advice, as you can imagine.
	What are you talking about?
	Wait, let's hear some of this.
	Let me hear.
	The spitting here.
	Turn it up.
	I have to read out everything.
	All right.
	This is behind the scenes.
	Jesus Christ.
	Well, so yeah.
	So yeah, that's worth the $10 alone.
	Those.
	Oh, and by the way, for him, he reads the letters, but when he reads, it's very slow.
	And he seems to have a lot of trouble with words like gratitude.
	He's methodical.
	Yeah, no, he's phonetic.
	Ah.
	Well, he's both.
	And so what we would appreciate if you would send into the show video letters.
	Now, I know some of you are worried about being associated with those because you get banned just for whispering the word censored.tv in your head.
	But we'd like you to send in these video ads and then we can show them to him.
	And please do a horizontal next time, lady.
	Then we can show them to him and then he'll respond accordingly.
	That'll be much easier for him than reading.
	Is that one you want to do?
	Yeah, we got two in already.
	Okay.
	Well, so Gary will answer this.
	Hi, Gavin and Ryan.
	I guess this is your female demographic.
	I'm a 35-year-old, happily married mother of three.
	And I have some advice for all the men that want to have more sex with their wives, especially Gavin.
	As you might know, women have a hard time after having a baby, getting back into things.
	It's really simple advice.
	It's a TV show called Outlander.
	And it's super sexy romance.
	Pretty much geared at women, but men seem to like it too.
	But trust me, get her interested in this show.
	It takes a couple episodes to get into, but it will not fail you.
	It's done wonders for me.
	All my friends that I know love it.
	Which leads me to my next point.
	There's no female romance movies anymore.
	This is one that's great.
	And it also has Scottish history, which might be good for Gavin.
	It might annoy you as well if it's not totally accurate.
	I don't know.
	But you might like it.
	Anyway, give it a try.
	Thanks.
	Love you guys.
	Bye.
	Where is she?
	In her closet.
	She's hiding from her kids in the closet.
	Yeah.
	Have you ever seen Outlander?
	No, no.
	We can't show it or this will be banned.
	Oh, yes, yes, yes.
	We should check it out.
	Anyway, after the idea.
	There's one more if you.
	Okay, what's this guy got to say?
	Let's see.
	Big old beardy guy.
	What's up, G-Dog?
	Yo, what's up?
	Ryan from South Carolina.
	I'm not.
	Just wanted to send you a message saying thank you for everything you do.
	It's just fucking awesome to have a show that I can go to that is not ashamed of being masculine and promoting masculinity and proving that the West is the best.
	Wait, is he in a kindergarten?
	Oh, yeah.
	Look at the background.
	He's got some FFJJ in it.
	Get that in here for Gary.
	I've been teaching these kids for fucking 20 years now.
	Most of them are pussies.
	Most of my pre-K class doesn't know what the fuck time it is.
	Thank you, Uhoo Ru.
	And I like you more than a friend.
	Right up.
	But those, maybe, folks, maybe I should have been clear.
	I appreciate both those letters.
	And we will, after the paywall, get more involved in showing shit like Outlander and decide if it's sexy enough for us.
	But we want to direct it to Gary.
	So I guess you don't know Gary yet, right?
	They don't know that yet.
	No, that announcement came within the episode, and it was impossible for them to have known that.
	But correct.
	You know, we get people getting in the habit of it.
	By the way, this just came in.
	They tried to send censor.tv, and then look at the two little exclamation points in red.
	Operation could not be completed.
	Look at that.
	Yeah, that's what we talked about.
	Yeah, but seeing it in a DM, I thought that was kind of...
	You can't DM it to your friend.
	That's...
	I wasn't lying.
	Until you see it, you're like, nah, maybe one person have seen that, but wowee.
	Yeah, I know what you mean.
	We forgot to promote Cavefe, our favorite coffee that we drink here every day at the studio.
	It's hello?
	It's delicious.
	Right.
	Why don't you pull up the website or...
	I'll get the bags.
	No, we don't really need the bags.
	Just pull up the website so people can see where to go.
	Because we're almost done here.
	C-O-V.
	We're about to go behind the paywall and take some calls.
	Yeah.
	That's going to be fun.
	And I'm going to take some mail in front of the paywall because a lot of you cheapskates at my gym, Hydro Man, if you're listening, don't listen, don't pay for the show or even ask me for a free code at the gym.
	So they don't know.
	They haven't heard letters in a while.
	So that's Cavefe.
	C-O-V-E-F-E.
	C-O-V-F-E-F-E.
	C-O-V-F-E F-E.
	What's the URL?
	The URL is doyucafefe.com.
	It'll show it.
	But if you search Cafe Coffee, you will find it.
	Hopefully.
	There we go.
	So we drink that every day.
	It's the official sponsor of this.
	Uh-oh, my application's not responding.
	That's actually good because it gives us some time for you to find the little song that we play before we answer the mail.
	This one?
	No, I don't.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mail back.
	Let me touch it.
	This is from Senator Doug Jones.
	I am turning to you, Gavin.
	Last night I voted to convict Donald Trump on both charges brought against him by the House.
	This was far from an easy decision.
	My vote was not made based on part of the blah blah.
	Yeah, I signed up to the DNC's junk mail to see what the enemies are up to, and I can't unsubscribe.
	There's no unsubscribe button.
	And like, if you no longer wish to receive emails from the DNC, submit this form to unsubscribe.
	And then you go there and you have to log in and update your, I don't remember any of this shit.
	Which is stupid.
	So I deeply regret subscribing to the DNC because it's like three fucking emails a day, which I know doesn't sound like a lot, but they add up.
	And it's always like, hey, Gavin, I'm Barack Obama.
	And you go, oh, shit.
	Finally, he responds.
	All right, let's get down to the nitty-gritty here.
	You ready?
	Stupid rally idea.
	This week we were talking with the stupidest rallies of clown world basically since Trump was elected.
	We went through 10 going to Tucker Carlson's house to say that you don't want any borders, any wall, any USA at all.
	So going to Tucker Carlson's house to say no USA at all is pretty good.
	Assuming that a We the People rally to celebrate the Constitution was actually celebrating a synagogue shooting was a doozy.
	Pretending that Proud Boys were going to celebrate the knife murder of Nia Wilson, that was a doozy.
	But for me personally, I think the most ridiculous protest of this epoch was going to Mike Pence's house, Work for Peace, W-E-R-K.
	It's a homosexual dancing man who shakes his tiny ass like anyone's looking at it.
	Twerking involves a big fat black ass.
	When you're a little white Jewish guy and you're twerking, that's not the point.
	You're missing it.
	It's like being in a wheelchair and crunking.
	You're not doing it right.
	But anyway, this guy was outraged that a Muslim man killed whatever 40 people.
	How many was it?
	The Pulse Nightclub?
	49 and then somebody say 50.
	49 or 50 people murdered dead.
	Almost 100 shot.
	Well, that's going to get us kicked off YouTube.
	Wait, that's on YouTube.
	But that will get us kicked off.
	Right.
	Rogan doesn't even do it.
	So he doesn't even make out with dudes.
	What a pussy.
	50 people dead.
	And this guy, this twerker, he decides, well, we have a homophobia problem.
	When a Muslim kills gays, does your first mind go, America has a homophobia problem?
	Or do you go, maybe Islam does?
	Maybe it's a jihadi thing.
	And so he decides, instead of I'm going to start dancing and showing people that it's great to be gay, wait a minute, is he Muslim?
	Is his background?
	No, it's Jewish, Jewish.
	So I'm going to show these homophobes that they're wrong about dancing.
	First of all, that guy didn't go to that nightclub because he didn't like gays dancing.
	He went there because he didn't like gays and he knew they'd likely be the gay nightclub.
	So this is why I think this is the stupidest demonstration there is.
	It wasn't about your dancing.
	It was about your sexuality.
	And you got the wrong guys.
	It was jihadists who don't like your homosexuality.
	So if you want to do what you're doing, be gay and maybe dance, but even you don't even have to dance.
	Just be like gay and go to mosques, go to Dearborn, Michigan, go to Islamberg, and just be a just go twerk there.
	But instead, they look at the Pulse nightclub shooting and they blame Mike Pence.
	So then they go and dance, and this Jewish guy shakes his tiny ass in front of Mike Pence's house.
	And when asked why, they talk about how we just show that there's a space for us to control our bodies and to show that we have ownership of who we are and we will always exist.
	What?
	Sounds like Donald Sutherland in an animal house, stoned.
	Work for peace.
	If you can find an interview with that guy, it's stunning.
	Anyway, this is from Dan McMillan.
	Please don't use my last name on the show as I work in law.
	Oh, and we're live.
	Just kidding, made up that name.
	Really?
	Oh, nice.
	Yes, Ryan.
	Hey, G-Dog and Rye Guy, the show on the channel are great, blah, blah, blah.
	Your discussion of ridiculous protests from Tuesday got me thinking about a funny sketch or living art project idea.
	One group is having a rally for everything, and there's a counter-protest group of protest of everything people.
	Boy, this is why cops shouldn't get involved in sketch comedy.
	One group is having a quote-unquote rally for everything, and there is a counter-protest group of protest of everything.
	That's not proper grammar, dude.
	The rally for everything guys are happy and explain they mostly support good things, but they want to be inclusive of everything, literally everything.
	The protesters are cantankerous and have the fuck everything attitude often displayed by uniformed leftists.
	I imagine the rally leader and counter-protest leader in a back-and-forth argument like this.
	Why am I reading this shitty pitch?
	You hate everything?
	You're protesting against puppies and ice cream.
	You guys are rallying for wet socks and eating cold french fries.
	You hate rainbows.
	You like tornadoes.
	Eventually devolving into, well, you were supporting Nazis.
	Well, you were protesting against Islam, Christianity, and atheism.
	You like genocide.
	You dislike ending genocide.
	You get the picture.
	Maybe it's a stupid idea, but it gave me a chupple.
	Chuckle.
	Give up the hard work.
	I think the funniest thing about that whole pitch was me pronouncing chuckle chupple.
	Yes, you did.
	I thought he might have typed it that way.
	But you know what's funny about your joke here, which is not great, by the way, Joey.
	Oops. This is where we're at.
	Like with anti-fascists, they go, if you are not anti-fascist, then you're pro-fascist.
	It's very simple.
	It's in the name.
	So to be against anti-fascism is to be for fascism.
	So if you are not pro-life, you're against life.
	By that logic.
	Okay.
	You know what?
	I marked some special letters with a blue flag.
	Ready for this one?
	It's the flower of life.
	It's one of the otis symbos in a woad.
	That's how my youngest boy talks.
	I'm about Bogos.
	Now you know this is one of the otis symbols.
	Look at this one.
	You turn around.
	We just got that from somebody.
	That's great.
	They made it for us.
	I don't think I can.
	It's not clear he's saying turnaround.
	I'm not sure anything can compete with Otis Simbos.
	You think it's that good?
	What about this?
	Wait, what's the first recorded symbo moment a sambo existed?
	Like maybe it was ancient Greece.
	First Sambo ever.
	You'd have to look up Sambo on Wikipedia maybe and look up origins.
	When was Sambo?
	Well, technically, Sambo, the martial art.
	No.
	Thanks for helping.
	Thanks for helping, Ryan.
	Maybe I should just do it.
	Black America Web.
	This is probably a good.
	So what you do is you look up Sambo, and then...
	The racial term Sambo first came to prominence in modern American culture with the publishing of Harriet Beecher Stowe's anti-slavery book, Uncle Tom's Cabin.
	However, the origin of the term reaches back to the 1700s, according to some scholars.
	And there's even evidence that the name is a variation of a West African name as well.
	But it sounds like, to be realistic, the Otis Sambo is in Uncle Tom's cabin.
	In literature, sure, yes.
	But the Otis Simbo.
	The symbols.
	What did he just say?
	The symbol.
	The symbols.
	This is good.
	You're getting like Fred levels.
	Now you know this is one of the Otis symbols.
	I don't like the butt chick dear Gavin and Ryan.
	Now, this may or may not be a letter that I sent to Gary for Gary's mailbag, our new hit show, but uh, I'm gonna answer it because believe it or not, Gary does not do a phenomenal job.
	Dear Gavin and Ryan, my husband and I have been married for three years with a total of seven years together, if counting our years dating.
	In our dating life, we had a healthy and very active sex life.
	Once we got married, I got pregnant with our first kid, and he didn't touch me for nine months.
	Now, if she's turgid and ready to pop, I get not wanting to do it because you don't want the dick like going reint romp, reint romp, reint right by the baby's head.
	And even if that's not what's gonna happen, you don't even want to think about it.
	So, I understand like when she's really showing, but nine months oh, oh, oh, women aren't showing for four months.
	Uh, after giving birth, our sex life came back for a bit, but went away again these last six to eight months.
	I'm currently pregnant again with our second kid, and the dry spell is worse than ever.
	My sex drive is normally high, but abnormally high during pregnancy.
	I've tried coming on to him and being sexy, but he's not interested.
	Being rejected several times a week is really getting to me.
	He jokes about watching porn, but when I ask him in all seriousness, he says he isn't watching it.
	I've tried to approach the situation lightly, but I'm hesitant to really dig in to find the problem as I don't want to feel pushy or needy.
	I that's fair.
	Last night, I jokingly said, Oh, I watch porn every night and rather than fucking my wife, even though she wants it all the time.
	After he made a joke about heading home to watch porn.
	I don't know if porn is the problem or if he has something medically going on.
	He says he's very much attracted to me, even pregnant, but I'm not feeling it.
	Do you have any advice on appropriately approaching the subject that there might be a problem, porn, medically, or otherwise?
	Sincerely, Jennifer.
	Jen, oops, I keep saying these actual names.
	I should not be drinking during this show.
	Um, speaking of which, you got a fucking brew ski there, bro.
	Fucking I brought in a fucking 12 or fuck.
	You should see what Ryan's wearing, by the way.
	He's got a Carhartt jacket, a V-neck t-shirt tucked into dress slacks, bright red socks, and then brown dress shoes.
	So, what's his job?
	Why don't you show a wide of what you're wearing?
	You wide why are you wide?
	But put your foot on my desk.
	Well, maybe you young people like that.
	This is cool.
	I got the red socks idea from you.
	Yeah, with a suit that has red accents.
	Um, lady, he's lying, he's watching tons of porn.
	In fact, he's having an affair.
	Is it that different fucking a computer?
	No, I mean, they say emotional affairs are even worse when you like flirt with someone at work or something and you talk, you're like, right?
	Isn't porn an emotional affair?
	So, he's pretending he's not.
	The reason it's coming up in your jokes, by the way, is because you inherently know I'm right.
	So, what do you do?
	You're not going to divorce him, obviously, but it's like it's exactly like any other addiction.
	Like, say he was an alcoholic and you caught him opening up the fuse box and taking a sip of a flask and putting it away.
	Dude, I know a guy like that.
	Oddly specific.
	No, I know a guy like that.
	That's why I brought it up.
	My buddy's friend's sister.
	Anyway, it gets involved.
	But her husband was a sipper.
	Do you know about this?
	They just, uh-huh, they go hit the bottle.
	They don't sit there and go, oh, go, go, go, go.
	But they stash bottles all over the house and they have their bars.
	And so they'll nip down, do a shot, then they'll open the fuse box, chug this, put that away, go down.
	Oh, I better check the furnace.
	And then there's a bottle there.
	They're making a Long Island Ice Tea on their stomach.
	They have an Easter egg hunt.
	They have an Easter egg hunt of booze in their house.
	And this guy was getting so bad.
	He fucking hit his head on the sort of side.
	What do you call that?
	That's on the baseboard.
	Hit his head on the baseboard so hard.
	It opened up.
	He passed out.
	There's a puddle.
	He showed me a picture on his phone.
	There was a puddle of blood, which looks black when you see real blood.
	Puddles of blood.
	I can deal with most blood.
	Puddles suck.
	Puddles of blood are black.
	Puddles of mud are bad.
	They're just like: take blood, then go into Photoshop, then go into a levels, take out the white, pump up the black, pump up the contrast, then hit save.
	That sounds like somebody who just worked really hard on a really great Photoshop.
	I'm very happy with it, actually.
	I've been in Photoshop for the past two days.
	And that advice I used to spend, that was my job.
	There's literally nothing that I designed vice for decades.
	Good point.
	Aren't you going to show my incredible work of art?
	I'm looking for it, yes.
	I emailed it to you.
	Yes, you did.
	Why don't you go to all your inboxes rather than focus on one type of inbox?
	I got it.
	I got it.
	Hey?
	Oh, no, I'm only on mine.
	Just to narrow it down.
	But, dude, I got a lot of, you know, just so many.
	What were we talking about?
	Oh, my God.
	My arm just looked like Jason Maurice in that Super Bowl ad where he takes off his muscular arm.
	Before I list it, I lifted 9 million pounds today.
	Here we go.
	There it is.
	Very nice.
	What a masterpiece.
	That looks like a colorful cartoon cast of characters.
	What a cavalcade.
	I had to, you know, Milo's suit was cut off.
	Oh, shit.
	I got to fix that a bit.
	You see his white shirt isn't perfect.
	And then Biggs' gun was cropped, so I had to design the head of his gun in Photoshop.
	Oh, wow.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	And then Laura wouldn't give me a fucking picture.
	Chicks go, I'd rather do a photo shoot.
	Just like with Copper Cab, he sent me about 40 in one minute.
	Anyway, so yeah, this guy is fucking lying to you.
	Now, the question is, what's the punishment?
	That's tricky.
	Like, stop watching porn or I would say put him in the doghouse.
	I can't believe I'm betraying my gender and I might get kicked out of the National Male Society for this.
	But I would say, I mean, I've been put in the doghouse for much less.
	You're jeopardizing your marriage by being addicted to porn.
	And that guy with the blood puddle, he went to rehab.
	I don't think she ever got over it.
	Because they have kids together.
	So his kids were in jeopardy when he was that fucking shit-faced.
	I think you should not let him sleep in the same bed as you for three days.
	And here's the key: tell him that this is about your porn addiction.
	What?
	Don't even watch porn.
	I would put all your eggs in that basket and just because even if on the one in 50 chance he's not addicted to porn, he'll be like, wow, shit is so bad.
	She thinks I'm addicted to porn.
	Hmm, hmm.
	Good point.
	Oh my god, I feel kind of weird about that.
	Well, I feel like a snitch.
	I don't feel good.
	You know the problem with porn too?
	What?
	There was too much of indecence.
	You didn't hear that?
	I heard it.
	I'm trying to find a really good one I got.
	Oh, there's a great one from a heterosexual priest saying don't give up on Catholicism.
	But I found this chick who is in a relationship with this guy.
	That's flagged, right?
	I flagged it.
	Now I can't fucking find it, yo.
	Why don't you talk for a while, Ryan?
	All right.
	Well, there's a little.
	Why don't we talk about Johnny Apple CBD?
	If you go to jacbd.com, I forgot to mention how important it is that you use the promo code Gavin.
	Yes.
	Yes, Gavin gets you 20% off, I believe.
	If you could aim the mic towards your mouth a little more.
	Okay, I'll try to aim the mic to my mouth a little bit.
	You know what I did?
	I put it in scent.
	So yeah, go to jacbd.com.
	Use the promo code Gavin.
	We have gummies, tincture, vaporizers.
	Oh my God.
	You know what?
	It's easy to say what we don't have.
	Topicals.
	Oh, wait.
	They do have topicals.
	Cartridges for your vapor pens.
	You got isolates and waxes.
	Now, I've not looked into this.
	Let's give a little peek.
	I remember I sent her the poster for get out.
	Found it.
	Nice.
	Subject line.
	Okay, this is from Stéphanie Lemieux.
	Okay, that's that's a little rough for me.
	And remember, I am always changing the names, but it is a French name.
	Okay, you ready for this?
	Okay.
	And then we're going to kill the live show, free show, and we're going to go to calls.
	Do I need to follow along?
	Any links?
	No.
	Okay.
	I'm very glad I found this.
	Dear Gavin Rye Guy.
	Which I don't like.
	Well, yeah, what do I have to do with any of these?
	You're my sidekick.
	No one says dear Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon.
	Dear Johnny and Ed.
	It's true.
	You're taking over my show.
	No.
	You're stealing my thunder.
	Look at the shirt proportions.
	I'm a little guy.
	Yeah, why are you even on it?
	I don't know.
	If you had a Johnny Carson shirt, it would just be Johnny Carson.
	Just doing anything.
	At least I'm not Andy Richter.
	No one's worse than Andy Richter.
	Dude, my friend.
	Hodge told me he likes Andy Richter.
	I was like, I don't think we're friends anymore.
	Hodge is done.
	Right?
	I mean, dude, I'm sure he's a nice guy.
	I was watching Strangers with Candy and I saw his wife standing next to a giant sign that said divorce.
	Wow.
	And I thought, God, I wish I was on Twitter and I could just send this to him.
	You can use the sensor.tv.
	Oh, okay, never mind.
	Yeah, yeah.
	How dare you?
	Now, she played a lesbian coach on Strangers with Candy, and this is 20 years ago, way before she even met Andy Richter.
	But I just wish that I could shit on him.
	I'm sending it to you now.
	Okay.
	Because he won't shut up about morality and families.
	And Trump has the kids in cages.
	Like, yeah, you let your marriage go down the fucking toilet.
	And now your kids have 50% of the parents they used to have.
	So maybe don't.
	This is what's amazing about comedians.
	And I'm sorry, but even dead comedians like Stephen Brody Stevens, this is not a very popular opinion.
	I love Stephen Brody.
	He was a great comedian, funny guy.
	But he sat there telling us all day how to live and love.
	And this is what's important to make your day go.
	Positive, positive push.
	Be positive.
	Yes.
	Why are you telling me how to live my life?
	You're dead and you killed yourself.
	Or Gary Goleman, another guy.
	Here's some tips on how to be a great comedian.
	You're not really that popular.
	And you almost killed yourself too.
	You went to a loony bin for depression.
	Like all these comedians have these shitty lives.
	If they have kids, they have like one outside of Jim Gaffigan.
	And Jim Gaffigan doesn't preach to you and tell you how to live your life.
	So when you see comedians telling you how to live your life and saying, this is all you have to do.
	You have to stay positive and write these jokes and do this with your life.
	And this has to be the way that the country is run.
	And this is what we have to do with healthcare.
	They're really just sort of pep talking themselves because they're on the verge of depression.
	Still nothing.
	Oh, I fucking hate that.
	It takes Forevskies.
	It is so frustrating.
	I like being able to at least yell at the computer when it's not doing something.
	Usually I'm the one fucking things up, but this computer shit is.
	Maybe when you get it, when we do show this on the show, folks, you can do a screen grab.
	And next time he says something stupid about families, you can send him this.
	Just to hurt him.
	And being good at it, if you will.
	All right.
	This is a fun letter.
	My favorite letter of the week.
	I can't believe...
	Shakira, Shakira.
	People aren't already piloting.
	You know, there's a sound attributed to that, right?
	No, I think that's a joke.
	No, no, no, no.
	There's a sound.
	Oh, I got the Richter, by the way.
	And I thought it was very weird.
	I think they were adding a terrorist sound.
	No, no.
	During the performance, it does that, too.
	No, that's because the Lebanese, right?
	They go, la, la, la, la, la, there's a sound.
	All Arabs do that.
	But can you scooch that over away from me?
	I go full screen.
	Yeah.
	Now, folks at home, please crop this and hold on to it the next time Andy Richter is annoying.
	You know, I met Andy Richter once and I was doing Coke at a Comedy Central after party.
	Really?
	And he had a track suit on, an Adidas track suit.
	And I was like, you want to do a little hooch?
	A little cooch magooch?
	And he's like, what?
	And I go, you want to heeha up the zimzam?
	He's like, what are you talking about?
	I said, you want to do a pump of cocaine in your nose, sir?
	To get high.
	To get in your sinuses and absorb into your bloodstream.
	He goes, oh, no, no, no.
	And I go, not a Coke guy?
	He goes, I've never tried it.
	You never tried Coke?
	That's a boomer.
	This is not long ago, by the way.
	Why are you gay?
	We were all adult men.
	He's a fag.
	Maybe that's why his marriage fell apart.
	Oh, shit.
	I've been talking to a friend via Facebook, and I think he likes me.
	Congratulations, lady.
	This sounds fun.
	Mostly we banter about politics and philosophy, but I notice him asking a lot of personal questions as of late.
	We live in the same city.
	I wasn't very mindful about pursuing him.
	Well, the recent information he exposed about himself really turned me off.
	Why should it?
	You're getting along great with this guy.
	Politics is cool.
	Philosophy, you sound like you two are totally compatible.
	Homeboys cannot like edit it.
	Jesus, she is fucking alarmingly attractive.
	Really?
	Yes, I guess.
	She looks like Bambi.
	Her brain is like a piece of fucking dog shit.
	As a man, you can't deny that.
	She's kind of like shockingly attractive.
	It's terrible.
	I think if you really wanted to marry her, you should drug her, take her to China, have her voice box removed, and then don't learn sign.
	That sounds like just like a regular Chinese tradition.
	Just go be Chinese.
	There's probably a whole town that does that.
	Anyway, he told me he broke up.
	And by the way, I have no problem with air quotes anymore.
	They're too efficient.
	I'm not taking it back.
	I think it was my parents that brainwashed me into hating them.
	They work.
	I love air quotes.
	Anyway, he tells me he broke up years ago with his long-term partner.
	That's fine.
	They lived in a tiny downtown studio apartment.
	Okay.
	I'm not sure why, but as of recent, he decides to take action to move out and onward from that relationship.
	All right.
	He's white.
	She's Japanese.
	No offense, Ryan, but that's kind of a bad sign.
	I forgot I was Japanese until you said it.
	You were like, fucking nips.
	Fucking Japanese.
	Oh, shit.
	Wait a second.
	Wait.
	That's why there's no mirrors at your house.
	By the way, the studio apartment is a typical no-bedroom, 400-square-foot hole in the wall with the rent being $1,300 monthly.
	That's got to be New York City.
	Did I mention he's 36?
	Oh.
	So his ex was actually the one that moved out from that place, and now he needs a roommate to pay half the rent.
	Goodbye.
	Bye-bye.
	Home to mommy.
	Mother Nature's hella pissed.
	Bye-bye.
	Go home.
	No need for you.
	No need.
	If you're 35 and you live in a city that's so expensive that there are $1,300 a month apartments and there's no bedrooms, just a studio, then you're a fucking loser or a drunk or a partier or you're in a band or you're some sort of struggling artist or maybe you're some sort of weird fucking charity dude who's like trying to do the new live aid.
	I could see that.
	That could be kind of cool.
	Like, I'm going to live on nothing.
	I want to save the world.
	If some dude like that.
	It's like a billionaire lark for a vlog.
	Like a Casey Neestad.
	There's like seven people, seven scenarios where this is acceptable.
	But no.
	If you have a $1,300 a month studio and you get a roommate who has to sleep on the couch, you're dealing with a fucking loser.
	Dump him.
	And by the way, I've been shit poor.
	I only got a $1,300 a month apartment when I could afford it.
	Before that, I lived with other people with the Otis symbos.
	Now, you know, this is one of the Otis symbols.
	So his ex was actually the one that moved out from that place.
	Oh, sorry, now he needs a roommate.
	He's posting ads on Craigslist.
	I'm already raising eyebrows while he types me this story.
	Suddenly, he brags about getting a call from his Instagram famous and successful 49-year-old clothing designer friend who recently divorced his wife.
	Sounds like a total badass.
	Imagine being 49 and being focused on being Instagram famous.
	He was also telling me how this guy was willing to throw down extra money for drinks when they meet in person to sign the lease.
	Holy shit, what a badass.
	Did you hear that?
	So the guy showed up to sign the lease, which means he's sleeping on the couch.
	Someone's sleeping on a couch.
	They're in a room like our studio.
	This is, we're me and him, but this is our home.
	And after he signs the lease, they go out, maybe have like what, four beers?
	And the other guy goes, it's on him.
	It's on me.
	Yeah.
	What are you talking about?
	This is $36.
	No, to me, it's not.
	To me, it's $3.6 because I'm a decimal place richer than anyone has ever thought of.
	It's quiet.
	Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.
	Yuck, she says.
	I quickly put on my detective brain and start asking him obvious questions like, how a supposedly successful 49-year-old businessman can only afford $650 a month?
	That's a pretty good question.
	I don't think I've ever paid, no, I did pay $650 a month, but like in 1990 in Canada.
	A divorce will ruin a guy, but not like that.
	That's true.
	He clearly has no credit.
	And to not even have a bedroom, as far as I'm concerned, they are both fucking losers.
	And he's asking too much rent to be sleeping in one space together.
	Also, does the word faggot come to mind?
	Am I being too harsh?
	Love you more than a friend.
	Female name.
	Yeah, ladies.
	Here's the deal.
	Here's my invite.
	When you're a young girl, when you're 13, 14, you start having sexual thoughts, save it.
	Your chastity is valuable.
	You're a Ferrari.
	To throw that away is for a Ferrari to throw its engine away.
	I'm sorry, but in many ways, it's your worth.
	That's why being known as a slut is denigrating.
	That's why guys can't be insulted by the insult slut.
	So save that little jar of coins you have and don't spend it.
	Now, you don't have to only dole it out to your married husband, although everyone I know who's done that turned out quite happy.
	But if you're going to dole it out, dole it out in very small portions to people who earn it.
	Like when you're going to open up your pussy, be like, is this a good investment?
	Is this worth it?
	Is it affordable?
	Do I want it?
	Does he deserve it?
	Stuff like that.
	And then when you get to be like comfortable with sex, let's say 20, then you can be maybe dole it out a little more.
	But 20 to 25, I'm going to say are your party years.
	You can try out relationships, see what you like, see if you like hippie guys, see if you like tough guys, whatever.
	See what you're most fulfilled at.
	They've always said you're happiest when you're surrounded by people that allow you to be the most yourself.
	So I would say you experiment with like four or five boyfriends.
	This is not a very Catholic thing for me to say, but whatever.
	And if you notice that you like tough guys or you like pussies, then you start at 25.
	All right, now it's serious.
	No more fucking losers.
	No more comedians.
	No more photographers.
	No more DJs.
	No more artists.
	No more sharing a room guy.
	And then you have some time.
	I hope it takes two years to find the one, then get a ring on it and start making sure, making it clear you need a ring on it.
	And then just fucking spread those legs and make those babies and get five.
	One is for losers.
	Two is for fags.
	Three is a bare minimum.
	Four, you're cooler than me.
	Five, that's, you're perfect.
	You made it.
	All right.
	We've done Johnny Apple CBD.
	We did Kevefe.
	Speaking of real jobs, did you?
	Speaking of real jobs, I just did a bubboke.
	That's my job.
	Another thing that we missed out from the Trump speech is that he's going to put free vocational schools in.
	He wants to put, he wants to do this.
	In high schools.
	Free vocational training to learn a trade in high schools.
	Are you just right now, did you just, oh my God, that is embarrassing.
	I have never done that on the show before.
	I know what you did, and I don't think you should say it.
	Yeah, I'm not going to say it.
	I am going to need a serviette at some point.
	Wow.
	That is really, really embarrassing.
	It's also gay that you made me do that.
	I didn't.
	Trump did.
	So Trump's decided to bring trades back to America.
	Yeah.
	And maybe we don't all need a 250,000 degree, $250,000 degree in speech pathology.
	Maybe I need at least one degree in speech pathology.
	All right, we're done.
	We are now going to go to the phones.
	And I'd like to say to the folks who are getting this podcast free, if you were seeing this on YouTube, I'm stunned, stunned that I'm still alive.
	But I don't give a fuck if I get kicked off because, oh, look, only one of those men.
	This is gone.
	Yes.
	And this will probably be gone by the time you see this.
	And you probably won't even see this.
	But fuck it.
	You have to be who you are.
	I mean, don't be egregiously offensive and don't pick on people who don't deserve it.
	But if it's who you are and you feel like you're being honest with yourself, then yeah, get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.

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