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Oct. 8, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:15:04
S02E69 - THE WAR ON COMEDY
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Time Text
That's a good band.
What are they called?
The Alabama Shakes?
Alabama Shakes.
From Alabama.
Yes.
It's a chick singing.
Really?
I wonder if she's a lesbian.
She is a mulatto.
I'm a shake.
Do you allow to say mulatto anymore?
I think so.
Are you a mulatto?
You can say mulatto if it's about furniture or food or things like that, but not people.
And that's oriental.
Oh, wow.
Not attractive.
Is that a lesbian?
I don't think they have lesbians in the South.
Can you be gay in Alabama?
It's like Saudi Arabia.
They just throw you off a building.
That's a bod.
A big old didn't.
That's a big gal.
I tend to get along with chicks like that.
Look how small that SG looks in her hand.
That's wild.
She looks like the dude who did the Humpty Day.
It looks like a guitar hero guitar.
Yeah, it really does.
Find out if she's gay.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah, the Alabama Shakes from Alabama.
I like kind of a new kind of music.
Oh, her sexual preference is Reggie Watts.
Oh, that's not funny.
Do you know Reggie Watts is a super fancy guy?
Yeah, yeah.
He speaks perfect French.
Wow.
I think his aunt wrote the color purple and stuff.
Wow.
He's an aristocrat.
He's a European aristocrat.
Yeah, he's an interesting, very, very cool dude.
His Rogan was pretty nice.
Oh, yeah, I'll check it out.
Howard said she didn't become fully aware of her identity as a lesbian until she was 25 or 26.
Lesbian.
Yes.
Is this a coincidence that I keep putting on music?
Like, I keep hearing a female vocalist, and I go, I'll really dig this chick.
And she plays us some sweet licks.
And I inevitably find out she's a lesbian.
Your most male females are the only good musicians you ladies got.
I mean, you're good singers because you have a sweet voice, but you tend not to rock on the guitar.
It's a very mathematical instrument.
I'm not even smart enough to play it, and I'm a genius.
Why can Ryan play it, you ask?
Great question.
Yes.
Some weird Japanese gene.
Little brains in your fingers.
You have your brains where your brains go.
Speaking of hotties, I fell in love today with Allie Tate Cutler.
I'm coveting another man's wife.
She's in the notes.
It's weird.
Victoria's Secret's having a lot of trouble.
Probably because women are lazy.
This is a very sexist episode.
And they don't like dressing up for their men anymore.
So, like, the idea of a woman spending $60 on panties.
Plus, we're so horny that you could just wear our underwear.
And we're like, oh, yeah, some of those sweet fruit of the looms.
Let me try to work my fingers into that P-hole in the front.
So yeah, women don't dress up.
They wear sweatpants and flip-flops.
They don't give a shit anymore.
But so they said, let's try a plus size.
This, by the way, in the fashion world is a gigantic fat pig.
This is a sphere.
That, to them, is a basketball with shoes on.
Now, to us, that's perfection.
It's fantastic.
This is all we've ever asked.
Ladies, this is not adventurous.
You're not blowing anyone's mind with this.
This is exactly what we want.
We don't want the 12-year-old boys the gays give us.
And we don't want the fake tits the nerds give us.
But check out her Instagram feed because you can get lost in that.
Like I was looking at it going, yeah, this is basically what we're going for.
She's perfect.
Alley Tate Cutler.
I might give her a nine.
Oh, go to that one with the blazer on.
Oh, that one's good too.
Go to that one.
They're all good.
I just showed.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now, if you look at her nipples, you can see a nipple there.
Oh, wow.
It's pointing straight down.
Yeah.
A little sad nip.
That's not ideal, but she's leaning forward a bit.
But we can get into that.
That's kind of cool.
In fact, sometimes when there's a weird thing, it gets so spooky that we get into it.
Like a gap in the teeth.
She's got very interesting tits.
I have a feeling, and I'm not a huge tit guy.
Very interesting.
I feel like they sort of go boop.
Bazoop.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like some sort of squash.
Yeah, like a ski jump, but kind of that's been squished a bit.
Which is very, very fun.
I'm not against that.
I know somebody personally that used to hang around in a group that you would be like, all right, if you like her, my gore.
What do you give her?
Her?
She's like an eight-point something.
Almost a nine.
It's strange how you just, am I the only one who just cannot stop thinking about sex when you look at her?
Yeah, she's like if she was a doctor and she was the nurse and she goes, okay, well, you got the test results in on that little boy and it's not looking good.
I would just think, oh yeah, you're looking good.
That's terrible.
He has two weeks to live.
Well, how long do I get to fuck you?
That's what we in my head, of course.
She would have to be swatting you.
She's fired.
Again.
Oh my God, that lucky grass.
I would want to be just one of those blades just lying there.
Sweet and quiet.
I kind of like that when the skin has an impression of stuff, almost like silly putty.
Like, if a girl's been her legs have been sitting on those, you know, the train benches that they have, that they always put like a little impression on your skin.
And they get up, and then they got this red grill pattern.
It looks like they've been grilled.
Looks like the man grape.
Dude, we know what you're talking about.
You don't need to write a book about it.
All right, I just like it.
She's so beautiful in everything.
Let's see her video.
I haven't seen video before.
That's boring.
Why did you make that a video?
I don't know.
Look at that dress.
She's classy, too.
She looks so healthy, like her parents always loved her.
She's always had good food.
She's never gone shit.
She's never taken a shit.
No.
Maybe once when she had food poisoning, a little piece of diamond came out.
That's her thinking.
And she put it on shit.
She doesn't get it.
She's like, is this what you do?
Where is she from?
She's American.
Oh.
That's her pussy.
But she just married a British guy.
Oh, go back to that one.
That's one of my favorites.
Yeah.
And that.
Look at that.
Look at that.
The girls.
Speaking of women, I have a fun story I haven't told you.
Oh, my God.
What's that?
Sometimes their friends are hot, too.
That's not my cup of tea.
You're out of your mind.
Let me see.
I have to frame it in such a way where you can't see who she is because she's not a public figure.
Oh, it's a friend of yours.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, she looks very nice there, actually.
But she doesn't.
Are you kidding?
What?
Yeah, yeah.
That's ridiculous.
I'm just suspicious.
Is she like Russian or something?
No.
She's all American.
She's Italian, I believe.
Oh, Italian.
Dude, dude.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is a good news show, isn't it?
Dude, dude, dude, tune in to Tits TV.
I love that they're kind of shitty.
Yeah, I know.
That's why we hate fake tits because we go, those are perfect.
What am I?
17?
I don't like perfect.
Anyway, so here's my story.
So I've been attracting attention.
I don't know if it was that LA Mag article, but I'm back in the headlines.
And when I go home, at the end of the day, I see people like on the train looking at me.
And some of them are trying to summon the courage to say something.
They have in the past.
They've gone up.
Like one time I was reading, right after Charlottesville, I was reading about it in the New York Post.
And this guy, I'm on the quiet car, and this guy comes over and he goes, how does that make you feel?
And I go, what?
And he goes, you happy about that?
It's like a rest made after Charlottesville or something.
And I go, he was implying that it was my event.
And so he keeps sort of grilling me, but in a kind of like a, I think his adrenaline was pumping.
So he's overcompensating and being really Fonzarelli.
Like, oh yeah?
What do you think about that?
Like, I'm brave.
I don't know.
And I go, this is a quiet car, isn't it?
And he goes, free speech.
Jesus Christ.
Suburbanites aren't used to confrontation, so they get weird.
Anyway, I've managed to sort of carve out little areas for myself where I'm safe.
And if I'm with the kids, I'll wear a baseball hat or something and not go too close to the house because I don't want to seen.
But like when I'm buying beer at CVS, I get that big gay dad dude.
Or sometimes the people just yell something from the car, fuck you.
Or give my house the finger or vandalize my car.
Yeah, I've had a lot of shit happen.
And there's this working class bar near my house that if I get it like at 8 o'clock on a weird night like a Tuesday, then it's just other blue-collar types.
Most don't even live in Larchmont.
So that's one spot.
Then I have a happy hour place where if I'm out of there before 5 p.m. and I just grab a beer after like 3.30 to 4.30, then that's all blue collars.
So I just like, I'm like a truffle pig sniffing out blue collars because they're all cool.
And even when they're left, they're like, yeah, whatever.
I got bigger shit to do.
It's the board people you got to watch out for.
The idle hands.
That's trouble.
Shoot the board.
Yeah.
So anyway, I got to meet my son, my youngest son, and I'm early.
And I think, I'll just pop in here.
It's not on my grid of places to go, but it's near where he's at.
And I'll just grab one beer and I can go pick him up.
So I get in there and I pass a couple and they look kind of young and she's got a bit of red in her hair.
And I go, ooh.
Any kind of style scares me because the war on Trump and all this Nazi bullshit is fashion.
So when you see people into fashion, you're in trouble.
If they have dirt on their pants, that means they're busy and you're good.
No dirt on her pants.
So I sit down.
Oh, good.
I know the bartender.
Hey, how you doing?
So we joke around.
There's an old lady there who's pro-Trump, I know.
She always buys me a lottery ticket.
I pretend that I won.
I don't even check.
I pretend that I won and I say, I'm not sharing it, though.
That wasn't part of the deal.
I just like coming here still because I like getting in touch with the people, you know.
Obviously, I had to take a helicopter here because I won.
Anyway, so everything's going fine.
And then this should scare you, okay?
You ready?
This should make you very nervous.
You ready?
This is a purse strap, what I'm holding.
Okay.
Ready for this?
Did that make you shake?
Yeah.
The purse strap and the face is what women get when they're not just drunk, but drunk and ready to give someone a little who's who and what's what.
And they hold onto their purse like this, and they have this kind of a face like, and they don't know they're drunk as they sit there.
Sometimes their eyes are closed for just like a second too long, like, and then I just think, oh, fuck.
Here we go.
And obviously I'm not scared of a five-foot-tall woman, but I'm scared of a five-foot-tall woman.
I'd much rather just go outside and fight someone who has a problem.
In fact, at the DC free speech thing, there was this journalist, and he's like, his first question is, so there was Proud Boys at Charlottesville.
And I go, we're going that route, are we?
And then I just, and he said, was there not?
And I go, look, you want to hurt me.
You want to hurt my family.
You want to frame a narrative a certain way.
Here's the good news.
I want to hurt you too.
So rather than sort of circumvent the problem or flank it or have some passive aggressive article where you try to hurt me through that, let's just fight.
We can go right over there and the problem is solved.
And I think he got a little scared and ended the interview shortly after.
But at least that's something tangible.
A woman, obviously there's no violence that can possibly happen.
She could hit you.
She could fucking stab you.
And, oh shit, that just reminded me.
I saw a brutal video.
I might be able to find on my phone of a fight with Muslims in Manchester where this kid just shows up and starts knifing one of the women in the brawl and then running away.
And I'm like, I'm watching a snuff film.
But anyway, so she has that face and she goes, are you Gavin?
And I go, yep, Gavin McInnes.
Yep.
First mistake.
I should have said Ryan.
I've been saying Ryan now when I order pizza and stuff, so it's spit-free.
And I go, yeah.
And she goes, we had a little incident at this other bar.
And it got a little uncomfortable.
So, and I go, oh, I don't recognize you at all.
So I guess I was blackout drunk.
But I apologize.
I don't know what happened.
I hope it wasn't threatening or anything.
And she said, yeah, it was uncomfortable.
And I go, okay, well, I'm sorry.
She was, just be nice to people.
You know, just be kind.
That's a thing I'm hearing from broads a lot.
In fact, I think at the same bar, this woman said that as she was going up the stairs to everyone at the bar, be kind to people.
A, what does that mean?
B, no.
Be kind to pedophiles?
Be kind to assholes who antagonize me?
Should I have been kind to that Charlottesville shithead who was fucking with me?
No.
Trying to hurt my reputation and by proxy, my children's reputation with some fucking blown-up story about three guys who were then booted from the club for daring to go.
About a fucking rally that lied about what it is and said it was about statues?
See, this is how they trick you.
Next thing you know, you're a Charlottesville advocate.
So I go, okay, let's wrap it up.
And she's got this dude behind her who doesn't seem aggressive, but he's about my build, 5'11, 190, not the best fighter in the world.
Likely gay, because if he was straight, he would be fucking her.
And if he was fucking her, I would have got a more of aggressive vibe.
But he was just sort of like, I'm here to try to tackle him if he jumps on you.
Because I'm El Chapo.
I'm Tony Soprano.
It's a very difficult situation.
So she starts talking to me like I'm Tony Soprano.
And I didn't say this, but I should have said, if I really am this El Chapo Tony Soprano guy, and I'm going to get to that in a second, why would you have the balls to talk to me?
Like if it's the 80s and you're in Hell's Kitchen and there's the head of the Westies there, there's, what's his name?
Not Mickey Spillane, but the next guy.
You avoid him like the fucking plague or you're dead.
So anyway, she's sticking around.
And I'm just like, this is going to get worse and worse because I know how drunk chicks are.
And if you don't totally lick their butthole, they start getting mad.
And if you send out a little like, all right, I think we're done.
Or let's take it easy.
Or I'm not conceding that.
Then they start punching back twice as hard and getting violent.
What was his name?
Mickey Featherest?
Yes.
James Coonan.
Okay.
James Cooney.
Coonin.
Coonan.
They were all bad.
Jimmy Coonin.
So then she goes, yeah, I was just, you know, you were, you had a bunch of friends over.
That's not me.
I don't have a bunch of friends.
That's not, like the bar she's talking about is a little, is about two miles from my house, and it's super hipster on a Saturday night.
And she's talking about a Saturday night.
If I was there, it's because someone was visiting me, like maybe my brother.
Or I got the bar from CRTV's After Hours delivered to my house, and that was two Proud Boys who I paid to drive it out from DC.
So I hung out with them one night.
That's two, but never at the same time.
So the Max is always two buddies, usually one, and almost never on a Saturday night.
It's too packed with the youngsters, and the music is so loud, and there's yelling, and oh, Jesus, you can't get a seat.
You can't get served.
Everyone's having those stupid white claws.
You're kvetching again.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
So she goes, yeah, you were, and she says this like I'm going to go, wait, what?
She goes, you guys were being really loud and you were telling tranny jokes, jokes about a tranny.
And yeah, I came over and said that I found it offensive.
And now I'm starting to get annoyed, right?
And I go, oh, so it was a joke and we were talking amongst ourselves.
And she goes, well, you were being pretty loud.
So other people, it was very hard not to hear.
And I said, okay, so you're eavesdropping.
No, it was impossible not to hear.
I just said, now we're starting to do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
And I go, oh, now I'm switching, right?
From the apology, oh, well, let's, you're right, let's be kind, whatever the fuck that means.
And I go, well, I think that men can tell rude jokes when they're drinking late night at a bar.
If we can't do that, what do we got left?
And it's not like, let's say the N-word is boo-boos.
It's not like you're sitting at a bar going, I'll tell you what, if another fucking boo-boo walks in here, he's going to have some trouble.
And then like 10 guys laugh.
All right, I can see that.
That's incredibly offensive.
And it's ruining the turn.
But you'd get kicked out for that.
And other people go, will you shut the fuck up?
And that bar is very multicultural.
There'd be black guys there.
There's always at least three or four.
And they're just going to go, shit, man, that racist is really loud.
When I was there, they were playing dice.
Really?
On the bar thing.
Either it was dice or cards.
Don't say the name of the bar, by the way.
I will not.
So now I'm annoyed.
And I go, Can you remember the joke?
And she goes, look, it doesn't, look, that's not important.
I go, because there are good tranny jokes.
Like, you could say, Caitlin Jenner, you're not a man anymore.
Sort of like that woman you killed is not a woman anymore.
I stole that, of course, from Nikki Glazer.
That's who it was, yeah, yeah.
Who's special, by the way, is really good.
But as a dad and as a friend of hers, I've hung out with her a few times.
She loved Death of Cool, as I said.
We've partied before.
I was on her podcast she did with that other chick way back in like 2010.
It's really fucking sad.
Like she's talking about how guys just want to fuck her and then dump her and how that's the way guys are.
And as Joe Rogan said when she was on Joe Rogan's show, he goes, she goes, men have this cave thing where after they come, they want to go inseminate others.
Oh, you found it.
That was fast.
They want to go inseminate others.
So they want you gone.
And Joe Rogan goes, no, that's if you don't like the chick.
If you do like her, then you want to hang out with her after.
They just don't like you.
Could be the fact that you have the ugliest feet in the world.
Could be the fact that you just admitted in your stand-up special that you have about two ounces of extra labia hanging down there that looks exactly like roast beef.
No.
Yeah, she says that.
Oh, good lord.
But that's not the sad part.
The sad part is about halfway through, I'm just an old man hearing about this young lady and how lonely she is and how she's getting old and how she's never going to have kids.
And you're just like, way to go, feminism.
And she's just like, yeah, sometimes I let a guy fuck my face.
I mean, at least it means he'll stick around.
And you're just like, ha ha ha ha.
It's terrible.
It's like seeing a black guy do a Sambo show or something.
You just go, oh.
Anyway, so she keeps going, is this interesting, by the way?
I think it's interesting.
Whatever.
I got to get off my chest.
Whenever these stories happen, I go, this is really boring, but I got a story.
She goes, oh yeah, she said that too.
She goes, I'm one of these people.
She has like some red dye in her hair, which in the suburbs is a mohawk.
And she goes, I'm one of these people that think she was about 30 years old.
She was like a 6.1.
And she goes, I'm from Indiana.
I'm a Republican.
That was a lie.
I know a lot of Republicans.
I'm one of these people who like, I hate boring people.
And I get the feeling that you're not a boring person.
This is what they do, by the way.
All these cunts that are fucking with me, when they meet me, male and female, they kiss my ass.
Like at that same bar, there was this British guy who goes, oh, no who you are.
Yeah.
You're not a proper cunt.
You're just a cunt.
Like the way I'd say it to my friends, come on, you cheap cunt.
It's your round.
You're just a cunt.
But no one likes a proper cunt.
And I don't think you're a proper cunt.
You're just like a cunt.
It's like, okay.
And then he said, my mai over there is Jewish.
She feels unsafe right now.
I've told that story, I assume.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I go, that's pathetic.
And he goes, no, it's not.
And then we had a, no, it's not.
Yes, it is.
No, it's not.
Yes, about seven times back and forth as men that are almost 50.
Any is.
So then she goes, now I'm getting annoyed that, and she goes, it's actually kind of offensive because a lot of these trans people are getting murdered.
Murdered.
And you're making a joke.
Like, what's happening now?
So now a joke I don't remember from weeks ago that I said privately amongst my friends is now I'm now having to get a lecture about it in the day when I'm drinking a beer talking to my favorite bartender.
And I go, I guess they are getting murdered, sure, but they're also mentally ill.
A lot of them tend to be drug addicts.
They're involved in shaky drug deals and hanging around other drug addicts.
And also, there is a big spate.
Maybe shouldn't have said this because everyone, when these confrontations happen, everyone is around me.
Like when I told you about the beer one, there was everyone waiting in line, just going, pretending it doesn't happen.
That's a boomer thing.
Like if you're around boomers and you let out a huge fart, they won't laugh.
They'll just go and pretend nothing's happening.
So the CVS confrontation, everyone was just like this the whole time.
It was busy there, including the cashier, just going.
And then at this, at this time, everyone was just drinking their beer like this, looking straight ahead, almost like a couple were having a fight.
Going, I don't know if I love you anymore.
You're coming home late.
Like it was that kind of thing where they just go, uh-oh, those two.
Even the bartender was like, wasn't going, lady, will you just go home?
You're drunk.
So then it starts to get more heated and she goes, you know, that night I went outside and seven Canadians threatened me.
What?
And I know that you follow people home.
I've heard you follow people home.
And I know that you have your proud boys.
They were driving around looking at joggers in a car with unmarked plates.
What the hell?
Okay, that is all of these stories have truth to them.
So the following people home, that's when my wife went to that activist house.
You wanted to have a vigil in front of my home after the, yes, when I don't say names, it's for a reason, Ryan.
After the Pittsburgh shooting.
So that was the following someone home.
No, it was my wife going there with our babies saying, what are you doing?
You're going to terrorize my children?
No, get out here and explain yourself.
So that's follow people home.
The unmarked car, I got to admit, that took some research.
Here's what I discovered after talking to the police about it because it was a huge thing.
I had commanded Proud Boys to drive to every home that has a hate has no home here sign and just, I don't know, stare at them.
You fucker, you're dead.
And then you can't report it because it has no plate and then drive away.
Like, would even Tony Soprano do that?
Tony Soprano would have his guys like go get someone, take them for a scary drive, like when that guy was giving his son bad grades.
No, someone stole his son's math teacher's car.
So they found the car thieves and beat them up and got the car back.
Do you remember that episode?
No.
All right.
So that's the kind of thing that gangsters do, but they don't have their guy.
Anyway, the local car dealership that's like a mile down the road had this Jeep, whatever it's called, Buccaneer, some name like that, right?
Jeep Cherokee, whatever.
Rubicon.
Rubicon, a red Jeep Rubicon.
And so people take it for a test drive.
And I live on a pretty street.
So they, instead of going up and down the highway with stop lights, stop signs everywhere, traffic lights everywhere, they turn away from the dealership and they go down by the park and they look at the water.
Then they drive up and they go slow because they're new to the car and they're checking out the dials.
That's why it has no plate.
The plate is in the windshield.
I went to the dealership and I saw the car, this secret Proud Boy car with the fucking license plate in the front windshield and nothing on the back.
And that's what the cops explained to me.
So this is the only allegation she's come up with where I can even recognize it.
And I go, no, no, no, no, no.
And I just explained to her, tried to explain to her, what I explained to you just now.
And I go, go talk to the police.
They'll explain.
It was people going for a test drive from the car dealership.
And she goes, I did talk to the police.
And they said everything about you is true.
And I should be very concerned.
And I thought, I don't believe you that they said that.
I bet they said, ma'am, you should be concerned.
They don't want to get in shit, right, if something happens.
So they probably said something like, if you feel unsafe, you should definitely be aware.
You should call us.
If you feel like someone's following you, if someone's outside your house, definitely let us know.
You know, what cops say.
And of course, in her drunk mind, that becomes, you're in trouble.
You should be scared.
And I'll bet, I'll bet the seven Canadians outside that she alleges said, watch your mouth.
I bet those seven Canadians were my two proud boy buddies from DC who just moved the bar here.
And I bet, this is just a guess.
They were outside having a cigarette and she's like, you guys need to fucking check yourself, you know, fucking trannies.
And there are people too.
And they probably said, lady, you shouldn't be so antagonistic to people you don't know.
Like, you're going to say that kind of shit to the wrong guy and he's going to fucking lose it or something.
Like, we're sweeties, but I wouldn't be that aggressive at a bar late at night to people.
That's a guess.
That's the worst it could possibly be.
And then she starts saying, this is why people hate you in this neighborhood.
This is why no one wants you here.
And then he starts sort of, I go, you're inebriated and you're not speaking logically, nothing concrete.
You can't give me anything.
I'd love to have an argument about something I said and try to defend myself and even admit I'm wrong.
But seven Canadians threatened you?
And then you went to the cops because you thought the seven Canadians were going to follow you home, just like that spooky Rubicon that plagues the neighborhood?
It's people with money and too much time on their hands.
Use your hate mobile.
You'll never hear this from a plumber.
Fucking ludicrous.
I want to talk about the war on comedy today, but I got sidetracked by her.
And I said to her, too, another thing I said is, and this is probably regrettable, but because everyone could hear me, I said, the murders you're talking about with those trannies are guys, mostly blacks and Hispanics, that are killing them or beating them to death because they didn't know they were going home with a dude.
And when they see the penis, they have a lot more stigma in their communities about homosexuality.
So they flip.
And she goes, actually, a lot of trannies are black.
Yes?
Yeah.
Okay.
What are we doing here?
Speaking of trannies, I went into Gigi Gorgeous hole the other day.
Oh.
No, I didn't fuck him.
You didn't go in.
Do people see that and not see a sad dude who's drawn on his face after plumping up his lips?
Like, do people see a beautiful woman when they look at Gigi?
I've come a long way, and my journey hasn't been easy, but why not make a little fun of it?
And, of course, revisit the past.
Oh, this is one where she washes off her makeup and then puts on a baseball hat because she was looking at pictures of herself when she was a boy.
And she has a penis still, by the way.
Google Pixel is paying for this?
I'm sure they are.
How many views did these things get?
Absolutely.
Half a million.
That's pretty good.
So this guy, Italian kid, gay, transitions, which really just means gets lips, takes estrogen, grows tits, and then wears tons of makeup.
And then he decides that he's a lesbian.
So he hooks up.
Look at this.
Now, just like the Nikki Glazer thing, I'm watching this and my heart is breaking.
Like I think of her dad.
So this is a woman dressed as a boy, but the boy she's dressed as is herself when she was a boy.
Wow.
How sick and depraved and twisted is this?
Hi, I'm pretending to be a guy.
Really?
You're doing a good job, especially the part with the dick.
That's really convincing.
Oh, that's my actual penis.
Okay, you see the kid in the hat who looks like a weird little boy?
That's a lesbian.
What's her name now?
She's from Nats Getty of Getty Oil.
She's rich, obviously.
She does a clothing line called Strike It Rich or something.
Strike Oil.
Strike Oil.
I don't hate it, actually.
But she's one of those lesbians that just looks like a weird boy.
And then Gigi Gorgeous looks like a weird boy.
So there's these two weird boys that are in a lesbian relationship wherein Gigi's penis, I assume, becomes erect and goes into Nat Getty's Vagina.
And they have like the kind of sex a lesbian would have with a strap on, only the parts are real.
So they're a straight couple masquerading as lesbians.
Are we all as lost as I am?
But it gets weirder.
You ready for this?
They want to have a kid.
Oh, is that the dad?
Did you know that all his ribs are broken from excessive hugs?
From guys going up to him and going, must be tough.
Of course, if he ever heard that, he'd go, tell you what, you fucking Nazi bigot.
I have enough hugs for my beautiful daughter, Gigi, and blah, blah, blah.
We're so in love.
Never been prouder.
Yada, yada, yada.
Okay, whatever.
Whatever gets you through the day, dad.
So, Gigi wants to get pregnant.
But she doesn't have a vagina, and her wife doesn't have a penis.
Are you following me here?
It doesn't appear to have occurred to her to inseminate gnats.
Or maybe she took so much hormone stuff that she's infertile.
No, that doesn't make sense because she talks about giving a sperm sample.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So in this video, and I'm sorry if this is freaking you out, but I'm at the point now that comedy is dead.
So I just look at the real world for my laughs.
And here she is talking about going to the gynecologist.
No, don't, don't go yet.
Going to the gynecologist, wherein the doctor has to explain to her what's wrong with Nat's penis.
It's inside out.
And what's wrong with her vagina.
It doesn't exist.
What?
Eggs.
Fuck.
She thinks that I have eggs.
So I'm like sitting looking at Nats and we're like kind of smiling at each other.
But like, you know, when you're in school and like you're scared to talk because you're scared the teacher is gonna like get mad at you and tell you to be quiet.
So we're literally just like holding hands underneath the desk, like looking at each other like, whoop, whoop, hook, like, when do I say?
Like, hi, I'm transgender.
Hi.
Hello.
One of your students is transgender, ma'am.
It was really fucking awkward.
She's asking all these questions like, you guys are so young.
Why do you want to do this?
Like, you're only in your early 20s.
Like, people come in here in their 40s and want to do this.
Like, why do you want to do this?
I finally say, okay, well, what does the situation look like if I'm transgender and I have sperm and you know, she has eggs?
She's like, oh.
Just pause.
What does the situation look like if I have a penis and she has a vagina?
Well, I guess we could go back to the birds and the bees, but put it in.
Put it in.
Shake it around.
Do you think they don't have sex that way?
Because it goes against their gender?
Well, this is where my mind really boggles.
Does Nate eat her out?
Like, does she just sort of treat the...
Like, you just lick it or something?
It seems like a strange thing.
It's sort of like eating a hot dog sideways, or if you want to eat a hot dog, but you don't like that, you just cut a hole in your stomach and stick it in.
Yeah, how to eat out a non-op trans woman.
Just blow it.
It's very, very efficient.
So listen to this.
This is the clown world that they create for themselves, and then they run into the little roadblocks like they basically need teriology to get out of and say one times one equals two.
Show me a straight line.
They need different symbos.
I can't give birth to my own child, Gigi says, admitting she feels inferior to women who can.
I mean, can we just sit and digest that sentence, please?
It's just like, do, do, do, do, do.
Do you have any problems as a woman?
There's a few things that bother me.
Like what?
Well, the fact that I have a huge cock and balls and I can't give birth to my own child.
Oh, you mean like a dude?
I guess it is kind of like a dude.
I don't know.
I don't really think so.
Yeah, I see what you're saying.
I get the analogy.
I get the analogy.
Yeah, yeah.
I get what you're alluding to.
This is why I'm getting lectures in bars, by the way, for not going, oh, you can't give birth to your own child?
Oh, yeah, because your ovaries are neo-ovaries.
That's an actual term.
But it's still embarrassing to me, and that's just how I feel.
It's a sensitive subject.
I feel as much, if not more, than a genetic woman.
What the fuck does that mean?
I'm more than a woman, bitch.
And that's not comparing.
That's how I felt even before I came out as transgender.
That reminds me of that letter we got.
Remember that British woman who said there's a weird animosity towards women where they're like, hey, and they showed that RuPaul or whatever it was, that video where they're like, you better get it together, girl.
We're taking over the show now.
You drop the ball and we're wearing way more makeup.
Fuck you, whore.
A lot of resentment there.
Yeah.
Like, remember that weirdo tranny kid in Vancouver who's suing all those people?
And he got a chick kicked off of Twitter, Jordan Peterson's friend, co-worker, because he was like, yeah, you got your big fucking loose pussy from giving birth.
Oh, you're gross.
Jessica Yagiv.
Yeah, I got a tight little sweet pussy.
Meanwhile, he's talking about his butthole.
Your pussy's loose.
Mine is in the back.
And shit comes out inside of it, but it's tight.
I'm sorry for saying.
Oh, my God.
We got to go to the gynecologist.
You have feces coming out of your vagina?
Yeah.
That's fine.
It has a rectum attached to it.
What?
Your vagina has a rectum?
Where do you poo?
I don't poo.
You don't poo, yet feces comes.
I mean, you should be at a medical conference right now.
It is sad.
The sadness is there.
I feel it.
Yeah, we're normalizing mental illness with this person.
At least admit with this person.
Blair White thinks he's a nut bar.
She is a trans woman.
Look at this guy.
Is this a normal dude or a normal anything?
Scooting around on a rascal that he doesn't even need.
Anyway.
Yeah, Jessica Suiette of Rebel did a really good piece on them.
Yaneve, I keep saying she, but I mean Yanive, whatever, went in to go get, they said that they wouldn't serve, like a McDonald's wouldn't serve her French fries because she was trans.
And they go in and she was lying.
But no, Jessica also says that they wouldn't wax her cock and balls.
Right.
Which we talked about this in the show before.
I don't think you can wax a bag.
You can't wax a bag.
I haven't tried, but it's it comes with you.
I would agree with you.
It's easy to wax a desk or a chest even.
It's not going anywhere.
The bag will come with you.
The bag wants to join you.
Put pressure around maybe get it cold.
Ah, that would work.
Yeah.
Then you're freezing my Wabos.
I don't know.
Why are you doing that?
It's sort of like, remember when you're on a first date and you're taking off a girl's bra and the tits are following the bra?
As you take the bra off and you're like, stay there, stay there, stay there.
It's like when I go outside and I don't want my dog to follow me.
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Stop coming.
Like, it's like a slinky.
It keeps joining you.
And you're like, no, no, you're not invited to this party.
You guys stay way back by the chest.
I'm like, no.
They're like sloths.
No, we're coming.
We're joining you.
That's what a bag looks like.
It's like getting a hair off a shower wall.
Either it's on your person or the wall.
So I don't know what's going on with these people's genitalia, but if she can give a sperm sample, and I think I also read, I think I also read that they were trying.
So just fuck more.
Anyway, go back to her talking about, so eventually, after wasting this doctor's time, Gigi explains, oh, by the way, I have a dick.
Oh, oh, okay.
So for you, it's a lot easier.
To me.
And I was like, oh my God, great.
Call me a man.
Why don't you?
She was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
I had no idea and all that stuff.
And I was like, thank you.
No, but on the reel, I was like, oh, my God, thank God.
I got that off my fucking chest.
So what she knew, she handed us both folders, different folders, mind you.
And she said, this is basically your homework.
And if you want to go make an appointment, you can go meet with a nurse outside.
So we go meet with the nurse.
She puts us in another room.
We're sitting.
Let's clean the palette with some normal girls.
Okay.
Okay.
I feel like everything was so colorful and beautiful and pure when we were showing that plus size model.
And now I just, I feel like dirty.
I have to wash the inside of my body from Clown World.
Anyway, I got a bunch more videos of her crying about her sperm sample and them trying to have a baby, but you get the idea.
It's clearly mental illness.
But remember when we had that chick, Mary Sinfiltre?
Mary the Infiltrator on the show?
Apparently, she's a ripoff of another chick named Zazon.
And what they do is both of these girls...
Remember last week she crashed a thing and everyone said, Gigi had dashed her fashion dreams.
No, she was fucking with you.
She's a prankster.
She wasn't trying to get into fashion.
She was saying, fuck you.
So I thought that picture was important to show.
But what they're both doing is going up to people with hidden cameras.
And I actually suggested this to James O'Keefe a long time ago, where instead of, or not exclusive, instead of exclusively exposing political fraud and lies and crime and corruption, what about comedy, Project Veritas, where you just, you're annoying.
And that's what these girls do.
And I thought it was interesting to mention because, is that Daily Mail?
No, that's Pure Break, right?
It kind of brings up the question is what is what is an homage and what is ripping off?
No, not Lena Dunham.
I'm not talking about Lena Dunham, you tard.
It's only Daily Mail when I see there for this asshole.
Yeah, so forget that.
Okay.
So next you go looking for love.
Gotcha.
What do you mean, gotcha?
You don't got me.
It's one link down from the link you just clicked on.
So this is this other chick who does it.
And she just sits outside a flower place and goes, Hi, I'm really lonely.
Can you buy me a flower and ask me on a date?
just tell me that I'm beautiful?
Just give me a kiss.
Make me feel loved.
This is art.
Excuse me, mademoiselle, I saw you in front of the flowers, I wanted to offer you flowers.
Oh, it's great.
Oh, thank you very much.
I wish you a good day, you are great.
So she's told him to go and buy her flowers.
Anyway, we can't understand that.
Look, it keeps working now.
Go back.
You know what I get from this?
Men are just really cool and nice.
I don't think this would work the other way around.
If you get some losers, like, oh my god, no.
And it shouldn't work the other way around.
Women and men are not the same.
That's true.
But they hear her and they think maybe she just got dumped.
LAUGHTER Pretty good.
And this is Zazon's first ever where she pretends she's taking a call on the train, even though she has no earpiece or anything, and then says, my friend's coming.
Can you move?
The reason I'm bringing this up is because it's kind of cool to see that other cultures can be funny and weird.
Turn it up, obviously.
Is it funny?
Uh, yeah, it's a net, yeah.
Pardon?
A color.
Well, listen, yeah.
The bag and everything, yeah.
I'll ask.
In any case, yeah, yeah, tomorrow.
Okay, no problem.
Yes, yes, tomorrow.
No problem.
In fact, I was with a girlfriend on the phone, and tomorrow we'll be two.
So, it would be a problem to put you in a way.
So just pause.
She said, hi, I was just talking to my friend on the phone, and we're two, so you're going to have to move.
And she's been on no head, no AirPods.
This is pre-AirPods.
And no one knows if she's insane or she has the smallest earpiece imaginable that is invisible to the human eye.
You're both asses here, so if you could put you somewhere else, I don't know, even here in front, it's not a problem.
See, I'm making you love women again after that weird Gigi Gorgeous thing.
I don't know about you.
This is working for me.
Oh, you know what happened?
He jumped up because all this lunacy made him realize he was missing his stop.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, look at him.
That freeze frame right there.
And then her face is.
Look at that little mischievous smile.
French chicks are awesome.
They're cunts, though, for the first three days.
It's really hard to get through to them.
All French people are like that.
They're super mean and nasty.
And then once you get through the final barrier, friends for life.
Same joke.
My friend's coming, you have to move.
I think she's saying she doesn't like kids.
They get too close to her, it gives her a headache.
So, other people are being funny, but here in America, we seem to be having some comedy troubles.
And I saw a tweet from Mark Marin yesterday where he said, Shut up.
There's no war on comedy.
Stop being a bitch.
Comedy's not getting too woke.
You just have to be better.
And if that's hard for you, well, then you were never that good.
There's still tons of cool scenes where you can be edgy.
And he's in total denial.
Anyway, I want to do, just to just to re-solidify the fact that there is a war on humor and fun in this country, I want to give you 10 examples of the war on comedy and why Mark Maron is totally wrong.
Let's go to the green room, shall we?
There's no war on comedy.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's fine.
No, it's just we don't want you saying retard to someone with Down syndrome or yelling the N-word at a black family who are at the zoo, even though that gives you immense pleasure and everyone loves it because that's the culture we live in, a racist, bigoted, horrible hellhole.
Just don't do that anymore.
And if that is the thing that's holding you back, then you were a shitty comedian.
Oh, oh, and all the other fat, ugly lesbians and loser nerd, weird trans people who are now pushed to the front with affirmative action, they belong there.
And all the other people complaining, they're just whiny bitches.
All right?
That's the gist here of Mark Maron had a tweet that all these loser comedians are going, nailed it.
What does he say?
Mark fucking Marin, folks.
This is by Dan Telfer.
He was the editor of Mad Magazine and helped it go politically correct.
Now, if you pick up Mad Magazine, you'll see an article, a comic on how to know he's not that into you.
And it's two gay guys, where one of them's too horny and stuff.
And every single picture has every single race, and it's really tedious.
And Mad Magazine is done now.
I don't know if you know this, but they stopped printing new stuff.
Now they just recycle old stuff.
You know, like Howard Stern will have that channel where they dig in the crates.
That's all Mad Magazine is.
So he ruined Mad Magazine.
And he loves this kind of shit because PC, political correctness, is very beneficial to losers and cunts, basically.
Losers like it because they get a job and all of a sudden they're performing at a comedy club they don't belong at.
And cunts like it because they can use it against their enemies.
And everyone I disagree with is Hitler and let's deplatform them and let's try to hurt Trump with it.
Let's get Trump deplatformed.
Anyway, look at Mark Maron's stunning denial of the war on comedy.
There's plenty of people being funny right now.
Not only being funny, but being really fucking funny.
Legion of skanks and rich people who can afford to get fired.
That's about it.
There are still lines to be rode.
If you'd like to write a line, you can still write a line.
If you want to take chances, you can still take chances.
Really, the only thing that's off the table culturally at this juncture, and not even entirely, is shamelessly punching down for the sheer joy of hurting people, for the sheer excitement and laughter that some people get from causing people pain.
What the fuck are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
Like that sarcastic intro I did is all there.
Hey, everyone, how about handicap people?
Oh, I'm in a wheelchair.
Oh, that makes me feel so good.
And the audience loves it when you make fun of paraplegics.
What the fuck is he talking about?
For making people uncomfortable, from making people feel excluded.
You know, that excitement.
As I've said before, if you're too intimidated to try to do comedy like that, you just weren't good or you're maybe just insensitive, blah, blah, blah.
This is the old trope with PC culture.
They go, I need a bunch of bathrooms.
I need you to ask me my pronouns.
I'm not doing that.
You can't even ask one pronoun.
It's that hard for you not to hurt people, not to crush people.
You're hurting me.
So I just want to acknowledge, I just want to show you 10 examples that prove unequivocally, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that there is a war on comedy.
I think the only controversy left is, is it ruined?
Is it Dresden in 1946?
Or is there still hope?
I just made hope sound like Nazis can win.
I should.
Good thing I'm off Twitter.
And I don't say horrible things like that.
Now, before I get to this list of 10, I want to tell you some things I excluded.
Like Kevin Hart and Tracy Morgan had jokes about beating up their sons if they were gay.
All right, fine.
That's offensive.
I'll give you that.
Louis C.K., his career has been nuclear bombed, but the impetus for that was him beating off in front of girls.
Concentrally, by the way.
But that's more of a Me Too thing.
That's a whole other video.
All right.
So let's.
Oh, and I also didn't include Bill Burr.
Bill Burr has a special out called Paper Tiger that he purports is as politically incorrect as Dave Chappelle's.
Here we go.
And it is at the beginning.
But then he shits on white people and brags about his black wife, and that gives him a pass to get out there.
So he's a very cunning marketer because he managed to get the Dave Chappelle clout while doing politically correct comedy.
And I know that sounds crazy, but watch it.
The second half is very PC.
All right, let's start with number one, Todd Phillips.
One.
We should have like a card saying one.
Todd Phillips left comedy to make the Joker because woke culture ruined the genre.
And he said to Vanity Fair, I'll tell you why comedies don't work anymore.
Because all the fucking funny guys are like, fuck this shit.
I don't want to offend you.
The end.
You know what I just remembered?
Brett Ratner was at a Q ⁇ A for his movie Tower Heights.
I don't like Brett Ratner, but that's neither here nor there.
And someone asked him, hey, did Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy's famous for never memorizing his lines.
So they go, was it Ad Lib?
Did you guys rehearse or did you just wing it?
What they really wanted him to say, by the way, I'm off at a tangent now, is Eddie Murphy's a nightmare to work with.
He just makes up shit, the whole movie.
But so they asked him that, maybe he had a few drinks.
It's like two in the morning.
And Brett Ratner goes, ah, rehearsals are for fags.
Oh, no.
Rehearsing is for fags.
Clearly a joke.
And if you really want to get into the syntax of it, it's kind of a parody of the way we talked about gays when we were 10 years old.
So he had to go on an apology tour.
And I think he was going to produce the Oscars or something.
And that was canceled.
And then Eddie Murphy refused to host them in solidarity with him.
It was a major catastrophe.
Yeah.
And this was before things got really bad.
All right.
So sorry.
That was a Brett Ratner tangent included in Todd Phillips.
Number two, let's ask Seinfeld if comedy is being canceled, if there's a war on comedy.
And he says political correctness will destroy comedy.
In that article, he talks about how Seinfeld said college students don't understand racism and sexism.
They just want to use these words.
That's racist.
That's sexist.
That's prejudice.
They don't even know what the fuck they're talking about.
Similarly, number three, Ricky Gervais.
Now, Ricky Gervais was on comedians in cars getting coffee, and he was with the aforementioned Seinfeld.
And he said, the thing I love about New York is everyone's different.
And then Gervais goes, that's true everywhere.
And where would that not be true?
And then as a joke, Seinfeld goes, I don't know, China?
Which actually isn't a joke.
I heard the facial recognition software there is having some trouble.
Anyway, they spend the rest of the episode, basically, talking about that joke and should they leave it in and the controversy it would cause.
And they both agree that in today's culture, you can't make stupid throwaway jokes without being pilloried, without being crucified.
So that's Ricky Gervais agreeing that PC culture is out of control.
Number four, Chris Rock.
He stopped playing colleges, and this is what he was talking to Seinfeld about.
Rich asked when Rock started to notice that, that colleges can't handle it.
College kids, he goes, probably a couple tours ago.
It was just like, this is not, and by the way, when you're transcribing someone in an interview, can you cut out some of the likes?
You make them sound like a fucking retard.
It was just like, this is not as much fun as it used to be.
I remember talking to George Carlin before he died and him saying the exact same thing.
So now we have Carlin included in this and Eddie Murphy, right?
If he quit with Solidarity for Brett Ratner.
So we're up, we're only at four, but we're up to more like six or seven.
All legends, by the way, that you lefties love, like Bill Maher.
That brings us to number five.
I don't know if you recall this, but Berkeley canceled his talk.
I can't remember if it went through, but there was massive protests trying to prevent him from talking at Berkeley because of Islamophobia.
Bill Maher, the liberal, is too intolerant.
And you know what the horrible thing that Bill Maher said?
After there was a bomb attack, he said, turns out the attacker was, oh, no, no, sorry.
This was the attack in Ottawa, Canada, where a Muslim stabbed, shot a man.
Remember the guy, Nathos, Corporal Cirrillo, I think his name was?
And he was guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier in a kilt, and a Muslim came up and shot him dead.
And Bill Maher said, turns out the attacker was Islamic.
What are the odds, huh?
It's almost like there's an elephant in the room.
How benign is that?
Comet.
No, that comedian must be banned.
And then, of course, our favorite example of this that Marin seems oblivious to is Shane Gillis.
Shane Gillis was canceled.
He, for what joke?
Okay, Mark, you're talking about punching down.
We just don't allow jokes that punch down and take advantage of the immense joy people feel when you denigrate Asians, for example.
Shane's joke, I've said it a million times, was how did Chinatowns begin?
Obviously a silly, kooky subject.
Yeah, they got these crazy buildings, and then people go, what the fuck?
Where did all these buildings come from?
Where did all these chinks come from?
People are like.
So they're creating a fictional character and he's saying silly stuff about Chinese people.
Again, if you want to really parse it down, you could show it that it's a parody of racism.
This guy was like, what are all these chinks doing here?
That's not a real guy.
That's not a good guy.
That's not someone people are holding up.
So in a sense, he's punching sideways, I guess, because he's talking about this.
Anyway, you're making me analyze comedy, which is like watching a woman put on lingerie.
You wreck it.
They're wrecking comedy.
Remember, Shane Gillis is the guy, by the way, who predicted this.
We talked about this on the show, wherein he plays a fireman who rescued a family but loses his job because he's a Trump supporter.
And the firehouse depicted in this sketch was shut down because the vice president of the firehouse was a Trump supporter.
Anyway, I've gone over that a million times.
Number seven, you'll notice I'm only using huge names so far.
Dave Chappelle.
Yeah, you shouldn't watch his special.
You can definitely skip Chappelle's new Netflix special, which I watched, and I would argue it's politically correct, meaning in the most literal sense of the word, it's politically safe.
But he says things like, I can't stop making fun of Trannies.
And then at the end, there's a QA, and he talks about a white woman that left one of his practice sets for the special at the Punchline Comedy Club in San Francisco.
And she says, as she's walking out, he goes, what's the problem?
And she goes, sorry, I was raped.
I guess he'd been making rape jokes.
And Chappelle says, he replied with, it's not your fault you were raped, which is very funny, right?
Because he wasn't saying sorry about that.
And then he goes, but it's not my fault either.
Ta-da, bitch.
Everyone laughed their heads off because it's possible to make a funny rape joke.
This means, though, however, go to the next link, that the Fox Business one, that the show should be skipped.
What is the headline again?
It's right after that one.
Nope.
There was two links for Dave Chappelle.
Chappelle's controversial special, Sticks and Stones, was a risky move for Netflix.
Ooh.
And then they go on to talk about Sarah Silverman, who is my next one.
Number eight, Sarah Silverman.
Wildly left-wing woman.
She wants Trump dead.
She hates his guts.
And she was fired recently from another job, a movie that might not have even have been a comedy.
She won't tell us.
But she was fired for wearing blackface in a sketch.
I guess this video is going to go through all the other people.
It used to be normal.
That's, what's his name?
Billy.
Well, there's Robert Downey Jr., but before that, that was Billy Crystal in Blackface.
But even more than the Billy Crystal in Blackface, when Sarah was wearing that, she was doing a parody of a totally ignorant bitch.
She couldn't have been more clearly mocking racism.
It was a sketch where she wanted to experience what black people go through, so she put on the most clownish makeup possible, and her character assumed that made her black.
It's lampooning blackface.
Why do I have to explain this?
The fact that a joke that simple has to be explained should show shitheads like Mark Maron that there is a war on comedy, and it's not saying just don't kick paraplegics in the head.
Which brings us to number nine.
You might not have heard of this guy if you're not Canadian, but he's pretty popular here too.
Mike Ward.
Is there a better example of the war on comedy than a comedian having to pay $42,000 for a joke?
The joke, by the way, was there was this kid, a Make a Wish Foundation, and he thought that that, isn't that, this is a joke, isn't that a thing you do right before you die?
It's like, my last wish before I die is I want to become Batman.
And then this, this guy didn't die.
What the fuck?
We wasted all that money?
What is he?
Unkillable?
That was his joke.
$42,000.
By the way, it's not just a good joke.
It's actually a good point.
We were all under the impression that it was a hopeless case.
If you're just sick, I'm not sure the whole town, remember in San Francisco, that guy got to be Batman for a day?
If he's just got a really, really bad disease that's going to be cured, like shingles or something, that's too much work.
It was like I got a big moving away party and then came right back.
Yeah.
It's terrible.
Yeah, we're not having a good, or it's like when someone gets married, you have a huge wedding, then they get divorced and a year later they have a new wedding in like Hawaii to the new girl and you go, yeah, I'm not going.
And I'm not buying you a gift.
Number 10, and this is very relevant, number 10, because I've only been doing super duper famous people up until now that are reiterating the unavoidable truth that there is a war on comedy.
But that's just to make my point to the people like Marin.
What I'm not including or I haven't included up to now is all the people you haven't heard of.
The thousands of comics and people in funny land who have been shat on and kicked out and rejected for trivial matters.
For example, you've never heard of Guy Earle?
He just paid $15,000 for a tirade of ugly words.
The National Post is a very PC paper, which is why they're talking like, did I just say peeper?
Paper.
The joke here for Guy Earl was this lesbian was heckling him and ruining his show.
It's kind of an understood thing in comedy that there's no holds barred for hecklers because they're ruining everyone's time.
So you can go after them.
And comedians do.
There's compilations all over YouTube of good zingers that comedians have done towards hecklers, but not in today's culture.
This guy said to this lesbian, you're not even really a lesbian.
It's just no guy will fuck you.
That's why you two are together.
This is after she was heckling.
Not the wittiest joke in the world, but it's a good go-to joke when ugly lesbians are bothering you.
She says she suffered PTSD from this now, was deeply traumatized.
And so he has to pay $15,000 to her to soothe her wounds.
I'm just remembering a bunch I haven't included here.
Like Gilbert Gottfried, remember him?
When he said, yeah, he said, is there a school around here in Japan during the horrible tsunami where buildings were floating down the street?
And he goes, no, there isn't, but if you stick around, there'll be one soon.
Hilarious.
Fired.
Then there was a funny one, Danny Baker.
I mean, I could go on forever.
These aren't included in my list.
Danny Baker was fired after showing this, Royal Baby Leaves the Hospital.
They assumed that he meant the baby was a monkey because the mother is part black.
It had never occurred to him.
But now, you see, they imbue racism.
They put it into your brain, even if you don't mean it.
I believe that Roseanne Barr is the same story.
I don't think she knew that Valerie Jarrett was black when she made that ape comment.
But finally, if you want the ultimate proof that there was a war on comedy, look at the people who thrive.
What's this chick's name again?
Anna something?
This is, so earlier, someone was complaining About woke culture ruining comedy.
And this woman said, trans woman, by the way, so a dude, a fat, ugly, stupid nerd with giant tits, said, no, no, no, there's nothing wrong.
In fact, I win all these awards every year for my amazing comedy.
Now, when I heard that, I thought, really?
I thought that all comedy these days is just Trump sucks, Trump sucks, Trump sucks.
Let's go check out this trans person who used affirmative action to get on stage and see if she belongs there.
We talked about this initially.
What was your name again?
Anna Carey?
Go back to the beginning, Ryan.
It says the name.
Amanda Carey's an even worse comedian.
Amanda Carey, yeah.
Why'd you go that far?
Go to her YouTube page where she had six subscribers.
Just pause.
This channel has been canceled now.
You can't find this video anymore because someone dared to go you suck and she can't handle it because she's not meant to be there.
That Donald Trump is not a human being is actually a computer program that randomly generates bigotry.
Just a really shitty bro.
Okay, that's enough.
That's what the war on comedy has wrought.
We've pushed the funny people out of the way and let fat, trans, ugly, lesbian nerds, whatever the fuck that thing was, take over the show and say Trump is a bigot.
He's a robot that randomly generates bigotry.
To end this discussion and this point, I would like to present Exhibit Numero Uno.
Here is bona fide truth that comedy is dead in America.
Rotten tomatoes rating is 100%.
100% shit.
100% shit.
Uh-oh, cops.
claps.
Um, do we, that's, Remember Blueshammer in the movie Ghost World?
Blueshammer.
I hate bluesy.
Oh, you like bluesy rock, probably.
It's, you know.
A little bit.
I get kind of bored with it quick, but if there's something awesome like John Bonamasa doing John Henry, I'm pretty sure that rules.
You found Blueshammer?
I don't believe these people.
He at least turned off their stupid sports game until he's done playing.
That's Steve Bassimi being Dan Klowes.
My daughter would love this movie.
Don't go away, we got Blues Hammer coming up in just a minute.
Hey, check that out.
You know, my daughter was kind of bummed this weekend because her friend was having a sleepover, but she didn't invite her.
And the reason was the friend hadn't seen this friend she grew up with in like a year or a long time, and they wanted just to be alone and have a sleepover together to rebond or something.
And so, you know, my wife was saying to my daughter, that's perfectly normal.
Don't be upset.
And then I took my daughter aside and I said, the two are not mutually exclusive.
Your friend can be reasonable and your being upset can be justified.
True.
Your feelings are valid.
So if you're pissed off, that's valid.
Like say your husband has to go away on a business trip and he's gone for 10 days and it's going to make you guys tons of money and it's good for his job, but you're stuck with the kids for 10 days.
That's valid that he's doing that.
And you could be pissed off that you got the fucking kids for 10 days all by yourself.
You can't do anything.
It's fair, but I don't like it.
Yeah.
So I said, because I don't want her to resent her feelings.
You know?
I don't want her to go, oh, I'm just being a stupid bitch.
No, you're not being a stupid bitch.
I'd be mad too.
You're allowed to feel.
Yeah.
You're having FOMO.
And FOMO is totally justified.
See, the thing about the liberals attacking me and doxing my kids is I want the show to talk about parenting more.
And I'd love to show videos of my kids and have them on the show and stuff, but I can't show their fucking faces or even say their names.
So that's actually a brilliant tactic by the left because they deperson you and they can say you're a Nazi and you can't defend yourself.
And then they also make your kids unsafe.
So now you can't show yourself, you can't humanize yourself by showing the world how much you love your kids.
Meanwhile, they have all the liberal hosts on Instagram going, here's my kids.
We're so happy.
I'm so normal.
Good trick, guys.
You're good at this sabotage shit.
And it even turned your pancakes into band cakes.
oh i get it Of course, this is Dan Clowes doing anti-white comedy where he's saying that we stole the blues from the black man.
But when I hear Led Zeppelin, I don't hear Blutengum's McGillicuddy.
I hear something that was an homage to the blues, but totally goes off in its own direction.
Anyway, I wanted to show this clip after my War on Comedy thing because sometimes I forget.
Andrew Breitbart was a friend of mine.
And sometimes I forget that he wasn't just interesting and fun to be around and comical.
There was something spooky about him.
Like he really, I'm sorry.
He really did feel like the Messiah.
I know I'm doing what the left does to Obama, but I scrap that analogy.
Of course he wasn't like Jesus Christ.
But there's some people, and it's very rare, very rare, and celebrities, nah, where you're around them and you're just like, this feels special.
like, when you're with a baby and their breath smells so good, and the top of their head smells so good, and you just think, This thing is magical.
And when you're with Andrew Breitbart, there's no like it's trivializing to say it's never boring, but that's all I can think of.
You just felt like I'm with a tour de force.
I'm with a legend.
I'm with the goat.
And I saw this clip late last night.
I couldn't sleep.
And it just reminded me how important the fight is and how special Andrew was.
And how when someone attacks something we love, like, what are you fucking doing?
Why did you do that?
Why did you do that?
Oh, it's a touch-sensitive keyboard, so just very lightly touch and then off to the races.
How important it is to fight this fight and win this fight and not let them destroy comedy, not let them destroy art, not let them destroy free speech, not let them destroy all of our freedoms, not let them destroy our country.
So when someone provokes you like that and says, I'm going to cancel you, the solution is not to cower.
The solution is to pick up your sword and to run into battle.
And sometimes it takes a legend like Andrew to remind you of that.
All the people that have gone out there against the mainstream media and said, you're going to call us racist, you're going to call us potential Timothy McVeighs.
Fuck you.
War.
War.
you you you you I have to see that again.
We're going out there against the mainstream media.
Full screen if we can.
Yeah, get rid of me.
All the people that have gone out there against the mainstream media and said, you're going to call us racist, you're going to call us potential Timothy McVays.
Fuck you.
War.
War.
I'm out.
War.
That's what this is about.
It's not just the war on comedy.
As George Orwell said, within every joke is a tiny revolution.
This is about a war on Western values, a war on everything that defines us.
As Breitbart always said, politics is downstream from the culture.
And right now, they are attacking the culture.
Western culture.
Fun, stupidity, hilarity, Rotten Danger Field in Caddy Shack, junk food, being an asshole, being a douche, being ridiculous, being offensive, being dangerous.
They're going against all of those things in the name of being sensitive and not oppressing, not punching down.
That's a fucking lie.
This has nothing to do with protecting people.
This has 100% to do with power.
They want to control you.
They want to dominate you.
That's why they say, you have to say this, you have to do that, or you're unpersoned.
Well, the answer to that is no.
The answer to that is war.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
Jesus is waiting on.
Just as he always does.
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