Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E55 - CLOWN WORLD IS FUNNY AGAIN

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Sept. 4, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:31:45

S02E55 - CLOWN WORLD IS FUNNY AGAIN

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	That was quick.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it was.
	The pausing of the song?
	Yeah.
	Why that quick?
	It's usually not that quick.
	Because I don't like getting fucked with.
	Why?
	You don't like that song?
	No.
	This was meant to be your week where you chose the music and you choose the only cool song I've ever heard you listen to in my life.
	Oh, I see.
	Okay.
	Nice try.
	I was like, Gloria Estevan.
	You like El DeBarge.
	You like Puerto Rican woman's music.
	I told you I liked that once, and now that's my whole identity to you?
	No.
	You like all that shit.
	You like, I feel like a woman.
	Sometimes.
	I mean, that's not my go-to.
	No, but you really enjoy single mom music.
	That's why I came up with the idea, or maybe you did.
	Well, that's why I liked the idea of you doing your music this week so we could listen to a bunch of shitty, stupid salsa music.
	got some bad ones.
	And make fun of your terrible taste.
	Like the whole...
	Blonde.
	Yeah.
	Oh And It was It was She She had bare feet.
	She was British.
	Oh, Natasha Benningfield, yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's what you like.
	Natasha Benningfield.
	No, that's good for the headlines.
	It's good for your narrative, but that's not true.
	I like a lot of macho-ass shit.
	He says, as he flimps his hair.
	I'm actually super macho.
	I'm actually a pretty tough dude.
	So that's a fail on your part.
	You started the show with a fail.
	That's just a weird thing.
	Why don't you just get a haircut and stop playing with it all the time like you work at the Muppet show?
	I actually am going to get a haircut.
	No, you're going to get some gay trim.
	No.
	Just cut your hair off.
	It looks ridiculous.
	I'm going to get like a crew cut or something drastic.
	Fine.
	Good.
	Start to be part of the crew.
	Should we just start the show?
	You know what I've been thinking about recently?
	I...
	I don't know about guests.
	Do we need guests?
	I haven't noticed that we haven't had guests, so I'd say no.
	They can kill the flow.
	I want to have Soph on tomorrow and talk to her about her being our second addition to the family.
	So that's crucial.
	But like, you know, James O'Keefe's in the news.
	Let's get James on.
	Oh, Laura Loomer just had a new thing.
	Let's get Laura on.
	There's our friends.
	And we say, hey, I just saw you in the news.
	And she goes, yeah, that was me.
	Okay, bye.
	I love Laura and James.
	I'm talking about my friends, people I'd love to go grab a beer with right now.
	But I don't know.
	I'm kind of in not a guest mood these days.
	Even Tucker, when he has his guests on, do they really improve the show?
	Like yesterday, last night, he had someone on and he was talking about Beto O'Rourke who said, just to be clear here, you know, the whole government's going to come take your guns.
	We are.
	That's exactly what we're going to do.
	We're going to buy them back.
	I love the term buy them back.
	Oh, you had them first?
	And I bought them from you?
	What else are you going to buy back?
	My clothes?
	Is this yours?
	Do you own everything?
	It's like when my kids at my house say, that's mine.
	I go, no, it's mine.
	Everything here is mine.
	All of your toys, those are all my toys that you have in your room.
	Get those toys out of my room.
	Clean up my toys in one of my rooms.
	Go to my room.
	Go to the room of mine that you stay in.
	And you're mine.
	I got you for your natural born live.
	Clean up our toys.
	But yeah, the government just thinks they own all our guns.
	Anyway, Beto Work said that, and he had a guy on from a Democratic strategist.
	And the Democratic Strategist said, well, first of all, Tucker, they always say his name, which drives me nuts.
	First of all, Tucker, Beto Work's not going to be president, so you don't have to worry about that.
	All right, how are you furthering the conversation here?
	I kind of am brainwashed by Soph's last video where she says all of this discourse is a waste of time.
	Maybe that's where I got the no-guess thing.
	She's getting into my head.
	I believe I dropped that to you too while watching Chappelle.
	I was like, we can't be arguing with, you know, logical retardation out there all the time.
	We got to be funny.
	I'm not talking about that.
	Classic Rye guy.
	I'm talking about the guests we have are usually our allies.
	When I get a liberal, I put them on free speech and take them to a bar and shine a bunch of lights on them because I'm so happy I finally got one in my trap.
	Not a trap.
	You know what I mean?
	Anyway.
	But, you know, like Run Don't Walk or that Elon guy that we really like who's an awesome dude.
	He was just at the Straight Pride Parade and he interviewed that dude who has a boot on his head and he's running for president.
	Yeah, it was funny.
	We could look that up, talk about the video.
	We could talk to him and he go, yeah, it was fucked up.
	He's not going to give us new information.
	We've got it all in the video.
	Yeah, what's his name?
	Vermin Supreme.
	Vermin Supreme.
	I like Vermin Supreme, but I guess he's left-wing.
	didn't think he was.
	I saw him at the deplorable and it seemed like he was Yeah.
	Look up Vermin Supreme.
	And what's the name of Elon's show?
	Oh, Elan.
	Yeah, Elan Uninformed.
	Oh, no, barely informed.
	Barely informed, yeah.
	He said he had a confrontation with Boothead.
	Vermin Supreme is awesome, actually.
	I did an article about him for Tacky Mag, and he's actually a pretty smart dude with a political background and a background in acting.
	He's not actually in that.
	It's a ruse that I just ruined.
	Spooky!
	This thing's taking its sweet-ass time.
	How do you get on Facebook?
	I can't see any Facebook links.
	I have a Facebook still.
	Oh.
	For name.
	What?
	We're in New Hampshire?
	Wait, New Hampshire.
	I'm sorry.
	I made a wrong turn.
	I don't know.
	You got a boot head, so I don't know.
	How are you?
	What is the point of the boot?
	The point of the boot of the head is: would you rather have a boot on your head or a boot on your neck?
	Are those boot on your head?
	Yeah, are you going to be wearing this boot or is the boot on your head?
	Is it on your head?
	Does the boot have a foot in it on your head on the ground or is it on my head right here right now?
	I think the choice is obvious.
	Can you paint the metaphor more for me more explicitly?
	Once again, this boot stands for all that is good in America.
	The right and ability to wear a fucking boot on your head if you want to.
	It's that simple, Fred.
	It's that simple.
	Is Trump telling people that they can't wear boots on their heads?
	That's my impression.
	That's my impression.
	Well, why isn't law enforcement taking any action?
	Because this boot is definitely on your head.
	Elhand, Elhan.
	That's ill hand.
	They've been informed.
	I don't think Elan gets the bit.
	This is sort of like Nardoir the Human Serviette.
	When he first met Jello Biafra, he thought he was getting fucked with.
	So he just started drawing all over Nardoir's face with a marker for the whole interview and treated him like shit.
	And all us Canadians were watching it going, dude, Nardoir is a huge fan and he just acts that way.
	He's not being a character to fuck with you.
	That's how he talks.
	That's sad.
	If you got a later one, then the next time he did Jello Biafra, he was much cooler.
	That's this one, right?
	Yeah.
	This is the cool one.
	I think so.
	Gotcha.
	Yeah.
	Man, so you know a lot about that Narbor guy.
	I know him.
	We're friends.
	He's very impressive.
	Yeah, that's his shtick.
	Yeah, it's very cool.
	He almost died in about 2008.
	How?
	He had cancer or something.
	Oh, schnapps.
	You know, there's a great compilation of him just like wowing rappers.
	You know how they don't like magic very much?
	The urban community?
	Yeah.
	They'll run away from magic.
	He's like, so now who is your friend that you went to school with?
	His name was Big L. He's like, yo, how the hell you are you FBI?
	And they just go, Bonanskis.
	It's awesome.
	Because it's magic.
	It's a form of magic.
	Yeah.
	Wait, that's my high school.
	Wait, there ain't no way you did that.
	Wait, now you have to find Jello Biafra and the Mattookers.
	Part one of two.
	Okay, I got it.
	This is old, right?
	This is hard.
	Mr. Biafra?
	This is it?
	1989?
	Okay, what is the difference between an American and a Canadian?
	That's for you to decide.
	And what right does the media have to pry into things?
	Well, you're crying right now.
	Is it allowed?
	Is that allowed?
	I'm allowing it now against my better judgment.
	But the thing is, wouldn't it be nice to suck up to nice little pump reporters and lift them?
	What is your in regards to that?
	People fooling you, pounding you, trying to track you down.
	How do you deal with this since you have elevated in society?
	He is so sarcastic all the time that he probably is always wondering if he's being messed with.
	I see.
	But go farther ahead to the markers.
	It does seem a little confrontational almost.
	Yeah.
	Like Narbor is kind of being a little snarkier than I'm used to.
	I've never seen him this young before.
	Oh, there it is.
	Okay.
	Final, we have a nice Canadian present for you, Jello Biafra.
	A lucky chestnut for Jello Biafra.
	Thank you.
	Looks like a chocolate-covered tumor.
	Who are you?
	I wish I knew.
	Okay, so now we're getting on the field.
	That was a long, long time.
	We should start the show here.
	We're trailing.
	I have a big announcement to make.
	Are you ready for this?
	I lied.
	I lied.
	Andrew Liggett.
	Hi, Alex.
	Now, Arthur, you were telling us that you are in medical research.
	Would you care to tell us a little about that?
	I lied.
	I'm sorry?
	I lied.
	I thought it would sound good on TV.
	Okay, that's enough.
	I didn't go to Breezy Point.
	I rented a house there for August, and the whole family was going to go there, and I got my sponsors all lined up, and then I lied.
	Because they ripped up my contract at the 11th hour, July 28th.
	They said, no, you can't move in.
	We Googled you.
	And it's not so much that the town doesn't want you, but it could hurt the town.
	It might hurt the town if they were to, the media would come here.
	And this is what I was talking about at that free speech rally, where I said, the problem is not the left.
	The problem is us.
	We are fucking pussies.
	Fox News lives in perpetual fear of being made fun of by the left.
	I remember when Jon Stewart was doing a show and Hannity was criticizing spring break and Jon Stewart was going, ah, Hannity doesn't like it when kids party.
	And they go, we're really getting it hard from Comedy Central.
	Meanwhile, Hannity was right.
	Girls were doing opioids and getting gang raped when they're half awake on the beach by black kids.
	And the sheriff was saying, can you press charges?
	She's like, no, man, it's okay.
	We're partying.
	And he couldn't get girls to concede that they just had a train run on them by a bunch of strangers.
	And then, a few days later, after Hannity was done, the show, there was a shootout where a bunch of, you know, middle-class rich kids, middle-class rich kids, middle-class kids from the north got shot.
	These college kids got shot dead at a party.
	So Hannity was right that it wasn't the spring break of yesteryear.
	And Jon Stewart was proved wrong.
	But that didn't matter.
	Fox News was still too busy shitting their pants.
	And Blaze TV got scared when they got swarmed with Antifa, so they fired me.
	Oh, no, I don't want to get in trouble.
	I don't want to be embarrassed.
	Meanwhile, the left just laughs.
	The left laughs in your face when you...
	Or if Trevor Noah was a segment on the Greg Gutfeld show, can you imagine Trevor even batting an eye?
	He wouldn't give a shit.
	We need those kind of balls.
	I don't know why our balls are so small.
	But anyway, Yeah, the board, it's very, very difficult to rent a home in Breezy Point.
	It's a gated community of all cops, and they love me there.
	I walk down Breezy Point, I get high fives.
	American flags everywhere, Blue Lives Matter.
	Something like 80% of them voted for Trump.
	And just to give you some perspective, 1% of Manhattanites voted for Trump.
	So to have 80% within the three boroughs of Queens is basically everyone who voted for Trump.
	It's in Queens, at the very bottom of Queens by the water.
	And yeah, the board refused.
	And, you know, I've had a pretty rocky year.
	So have the kids.
	So is the family.
	Banned from everything.
	Massive ostracization in our community.
	And so I said, okay, you don't want us here.
	That's cool.
	That's cool.
	We'll just go to Breezy where we belong.
	And I get the sponsors to write the letters.
	Yes, we love the McInnes'.
	Our kids play together.
	Blah, blah, blah.
	He'll be very welcome here.
	And they look it up at the end.
	And so they incinerated our August because we don't have time to come up with anything else.
	And my neighborhood is a ghost town in August.
	So we had this horrific patch quilt of an August that the kids hated.
	The Rockin' Ranch was okay.
	We went to Quag because I got a buddy who has a house here.
	That's near the Hampshire.
	What is it called?
	Is it not the Hamptons?
	Hamptons, sorry, near the Hamptons.
	It's like a less glamorous Hamptons.
	Not that I give a fuck about shit like that.
	Excuse my language.
	That was pretty crap, man.
	So I'm pissed off.
	True.
	And I've noticed that the best way to retaliate when you've been ostracized is not to say, boycott, or I'm going to sue you, which is what we used to do.
	The best way is to say, this is my favorite spot.
	So to punish Breezy Point, I shot shows from my living room, not in Breezy Point, called Live from Breezy.
	I lied.
	I thought it would sound good on TV.
	If we ever have visual gifts, like a soundboard that's visual, I want that to be one of them.
	That is a fun idea.
	That's Joe Flaherty with a gigantic fake nose.
	I lied.
	I thought it would sound good on TV.
	That show, by the way, is Half Wits.
	It was written by Catherine O'Hara.
	It's the funniest sketch in the history of man.
	And it is a group of imbeciles on a quiz show, and they can't get anything right.
	Martin Short plays a guy who is struggling to get through high school, and it's one of his goals.
	He also wants to be a doctor.
	You want to watch it, don't you?
	You kind of do.
	Yeah.
	Do for a living, Arthur?
	Well, it's a job.
	It's nothing special.
	What kind of a job?
	Just a job, you know, not a normal job.
	What do you do for a living?
	At home.
	I work.
	Where?
	Oh, around.
	All right, I don't have time for this.
	I know that.
	That's fine, Arthur.
	Don't really care at this point.
	This is the same character he does with the synchronized swimming.
	You got me blocking him.
	Lawrence, you were telling us you're still in school.
	Right, oh, Alex?
	Postgraduate work?
	No, high school.
	I'm having some degree of difficulty getting through high school.
	I see.
	Well, good to have you here.
	I'm sure you will, Lawrence.
	Because I have certain goals in life I feel compelled to complete.
	Very, very good.
	One of which is becoming a circuit court judge.
	Good.
	Good to have ambition.
	And the second is perhaps playing professional hockey.
	Good to have you here, Lawrence, and good luck to you tonight.
	Right-oh, Alex then.
	Now it's time to play.
	And did he say end?
	No, he said, right-oh, Alex then.
	Oh.
	And then the next was clothing found in a bedroom, and Blanche suggests a coat hanger.
	Anyway, sorry.
	Can we do a game show one day?
	No.
	Oh, man.
	So I lied.
	And I thought that's a win-win because fuck them.
	And if shit hits the fan, well, they're right, but the shitting is hitting the fan.
	And if nothing happens, then I go, see, dummies, I did a whole live from Breezy and nothing happened.
	And it's a gated community.
	Like, I remember the chief of police had trouble getting in through the gate because he didn't have a sponsor.
	I'm like, sorry.
	And he goes, I'm the chief of police.
	I can go anywhere.
	I own this whole everything.
	They go, actually, you don't.
	So say the paparazzi wanted to go there and shoot me, which doesn't happen.
	I've never been paparazzi'd ever.
	So I don't know what media attention the pussy board was talking about, but they fuck with my whole family.
	We had a shitty fucking summer because of those pussies at the Breezy Point Co-op.
	Anyway.
	They treated you like the Grinch, basically.
	Yeah.
	Well, it's just frustrating because you go, all right, you can't.
	I'm a pariah in Manhattan.
	I'm a pariah in the burbs.
	All right, all right.
	I get it.
	You don't like Patriots.
	You don't like Trumpers.
	Why don't I go to Trump Central?
	I retreat.
	I hereby officially throw in the white flag.
	I'm going to run home with my tail between my legs.
	I'll hide.
	You win.
	This is your land now.
	And then I go there and they go, you can't come here either.
	Too much heat.
	Okay.
	That's not a good deal.
	And without a plan B, your August has flushed down the toilet.
	So is this cool graphic?
	Everyone's seen that.
	Oh, that.
	Yeah, that was nice.
	But I told you to include the drone footage of Prezi Point.
	It doesn't look like we were there.
	Why would I send you drone footage not to use?
	Well, because when I ran this past you, I thought you were just kind of.
	I thought that was the beginning.
	I go, yeah, it looks great.
	That doesn't mean you're done.
	No, I thought you sent me basically a mood board, which is like, this is kind of what I'm going for.
	I want some footage of some beachy stuff.
	And it was all low.
	I would send mood boards.
	I'm a 49-year-old asshole.
	Okay.
	Mood board?
	That's the first time anyone's ever said that to me in my life.
	That's the two modes that you're in.
	You're either in a bad mood or you're bored.
	You Grinch.
	There's a third option when I get stabbed in the chest with a shitty pun.
	So as we learned with the Griffin, was it yesterday's show?
	The Griffin, Proud Boys went there.
	The bouncer didn't notice.
	Some very wealthy trust fund open mic comedians found out.
	They ran down there and said, Get those guys out of here.
	They're white supremacists.
	And this is the, what's the word I'm looking for?
	Totality of the bar's transgression.
	Ready for this sin?
	The bouncer said, a bunch of them are black.
	And then the comic goes nuts.
	Why are you defending them?
	And the bouncer immediately capitulates and goes, I don't know.
	I'm from San Francisco.
	I don't know any of this.
	And then the bouncer just kicks them out.
	Too late.
	You've already sinned.
	So we go, all right, let's sue them.
	There's a great law.
	I'm sorry to repeat the news from yesterday, but there's a great law in California that says you can't discriminate against anyone due to their political beliefs.
	It was a law written for communists during McCarthy days, but I'm happy to take advantage of it.
	So we paid five grand, had a complaint written up.
	No lawyer would take it in LA.
	None.
	And this has happened before.
	The Proud Boys case in Halifax, where they all got kicked out of the military for questioning an anti-Canada Day ceremony on Canada Day at the 150th anniversary of the entire country.
	No lawyer would take that either.
	We had it all written up.
	Here's the document.
	Just submit it.
	Because you have to be a local lawyer to submit a complaint.
	I'm happy to write the complaint.
	I'll have it written anywhere.
	But someone locally has to submit it and check the I's and dot the T's according to the local law there.
	So it's not unusual.
	So we dropped it.
	We just wasted five grand.
	Time goes by.
	The Griffin closes for a few days to think about their horrible sins.
	Then they have a benefit where they raise money for the AD and the SPLC.
	Then business just starts going like that.
	Sorry, not good enough.
	Your balancer paused and that's messed up.
	So now they have to sell the venue.
	The venues shut down because a multicultural group of patriots were not kicked out quickly enough.
	Crazy.
	Clown World.
	We need a soundboard for Clown World.
	It's Hong Kong.
	No, yeah, okay, just Hong Kong.
	Yeah.
	Well, that's what they do in text form, too.
	Yeah, Hong Kong.
	But shouldn't it be Hong Kong Clown World?
	That's pretty fun.
	And then no, that's way too long.
	Clown World.
	You're the king Midas of shit.
	Everything I touch turned to shit.
	Yeah.
	No, it should just be all we need is Hong Kong clown world.
	Boom.
	That's cool.
	Somebody will submit something.
	So, the reason I tell you that I lied was that there's been some news.
	Apparently there's been some racist and anti-Semitic graffiti in Breezy Point at a bar called the Silver Bell.
	It's not a bar.
	It's a beach club.
	So Breezy Point is the bottom of Queens.
	It's just like Long Island, and it's a long, long, skinny penis of a peninsula.
	So there's beach on both sides.
	This beach is kind of wave crashy, and this beach is super long.
	And along this super long part beach, which could be anywhere in Jamaica, it's beautiful, there is a weird spot that's called the Silver Bell Beach Club.
	And it's actually not part of Breezy, even though it's in Breezy, and it's owned by the federal government.
	It was predominantly Jewish, I think, for a while.
	I think it's owned by a Jewish guy.
	And apparently he's a dick.
	So my guess is the employees, who aren't necessarily from Breezy, a lot of them are from Brooklyn in general, who work there, got sick of this guy's shit.
	And to piss him off and offend him and wreck his place, they did anti-Semitic graffiti like – is there – It should be in the links of that previous one.
	They wrote things like Gas Chamber.
	I don't know what else.
	Heil Hitler.
	Heil Hitler.
	That's a little on the map.
	I think they also threw some N-words there.
	Now, this is not Nazi skinheads descending on a place.
	This is disgruntled teenagers being stupid assholes, as you can tell by the way their graffiti is.
	Kind of terrifying.
	No, it is not.
	Are you serious?
	The hands, yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's like what my six-year-old son would do if he had a gripe with his boss.
	I'm also terrified at like, yeah, the things hanging on your fridge when they come over.
	Hand paint art.
	Yeah.
	Anyway, so I've just told you the truth.
	I caught you up to everything.
	But Cuomo is a dunce.
	And Cuomo is furious about this.
	And he's noticed that he gets a lot of traction when he pretends there's racism everywhere and things are a huge deal.
	We saw a sharpied swastika in a bathroom stall.
	So we will be pursuing this to the fullest extent of the law.
	No, you're too soon on that, you fuckhead.
	Why are you showing that?
	Oops.
	So here is my theory.
	My theory is that word got out, obviously.
	No, let me go back a bit.
	Cuomo hates my guts, and he sees the Proud Boys as a good way to leverage his own personality.
	So if he can make me into David Duke, it helps his political aspirations.
	It helps him have power.
	It gives him power because if there are Nazis running all over New York, then we need a task force.
	And guess what a task force means?
	More money for him, more power for him, more police, just more Cuomo.
	And he's done this before.
	He's used this before.
	After the fight, after my talk, he threatened me, said he wanted to fight, said I'm from Queens, tough guy.
	I'd love to fight Cuomo.
	Oh my God.
	I'm almost getting a boner thinking about it.
	In the ring, obviously.
	And he also has used it in politics.
	He was up against Ed Cox.
	He wanted to obliterate the Republicans.
	And after that talk, he kept bringing up the Proud Boys all the time.
	And when he was in a political argument with Ed Cox, now you can pull it up.
	No, not A.M. New York, but New York State of Politics.
	Yes.
	Oh, he said, why would the Republican Party invite the Proud Boys, who are known to be a hate group, who are known to incite violence?
	He's talking about me doing a talk at the Manhattan Republican Club where I'd been many times before.
	They didn't invite the Proud Boys.
	And yes, they are known as a hate group by the SBLC who are being sued for that nomination.
	And then Cuomo says, in a stultifying irony, it's a political tactic because what they're trying to do is fire up their base.
	He says this sentence as he's trying to fire up his base.
	And then he added, referring to the state Republican chairman, are you a proud boy, Mr. Cox?
	So the reason I bring this up is to show you that I'm clearly on Cuomo's radar.
	So here's what I think happened.
	He's got a bunch of staff, right?
	Half of them are doing social media garbage.
	It's New York State.
	New York is Tammany Hall.
	It's totally corrupt.
	So there's like just people doing, like you hear about De Blasio's staff and his wife has got this program like to help, I don't know, bullying and education.
	And there's like millions and millions of dollars poured into just a poster.
	So Cuomo has a bunch of employees that are just like, it's like the movie Brazil, where one room scrambles up numbers and then the other room unscrambles them.
	They're digging holes and filling them in again.
	So he probably has one person whose job is just to follow me and Proud Boys every time it comes up on Google.
	And they watch my show.
	They're watching this show.
	Ironically, the person I'm making fun of, the stupid, useless bureaucrat, the Luddite, you, sir, that is watching me right now on Cuomo's behalf, you're a waste of humanity.
	You're a fucking loser.
	You're a zero.
	This is your job.
	Chasing ghosts, chasing a mythical Nazi?
	You are an irrelevant human being.
	You're not helping.
	You know what you are?
	You're worse than a ghostbuster.
	You are one of these loser reality shows where you pretend that there was a rustling in the basement and then they cut to a commercial.
	That's you, you useless turd.
	People are busting their asses in New York trying to make money and you're a succubus, a leech.
	You are sucking this money into your stupid sweater vest, going to Central Park and having a picnic with your ugly girlfriend because you're a useless fucking turd.
	Anyway, this guy that I was just talking to goes to Cuomo and he goes, I think I got something.
	Oh, good.
	Because you haven't had anything since October 12th when I hired you to be Gavin's spy.
	Sorry.
	I always have to answer my phone because my kids' first day of school and I want to make sure everything went okay.
	He goes to Cuomo and he says, I think I got something.
	McInnis, he calls me McInnes.
	McInnis, it was in Breezy Point this summer, all August.
	He shot a show from there, live from Breezy.
	I watched it.
	A lot of disgusting stuff.
	Really misogynistic.
	And if it's in an email, he spelt misogynistic wrong.
	Even though misogynistic itself is already irritating because the ick is superfluous.
	So we must have had Proud Boys there, right?
	And Cuomo goes, yeah, what do you got?
	What do you got, kid?
	And then he just goes like this and shows them the headline that there's racist and anti-Semitic graffiti all over the beach bar at Breezy Point.
	And they don't know that that part isn't technically Breezy Point.
	And he goes, it must have been Proud Boys.
	Gavin must have had them over in droves.
	And then they went loose like a pack of wild animals riding gas chamber on everything.
	So here's what we're going to do.
	I want you to come down like a ton of bricks on this place.
	I want you to get all the videotapes.
	We need to find these Proud Boys.
	He probably envisions them wearing like surf shorts and the Proud Boys uniform and doing all this.
	And the best part about this, I'll give you some advice, bureaucrat, just lie.
	Like I can prove I wasn't there, but your voice is bigger than mine.
	So just say, yeah, we found them.
	It was Proud Boys.
	They did it.
	He was shooting a show live from Breezy.
	We got our bad guy.
	And oh, I can't go on social media.
	I can't go on Twitter and Instagram and prove myself wrong.
	So you control the narrative.
	Go bananas with it.
	You fucking loser.
	And when you're on your deathbed and you're on your last moments, you'll be sitting there going, I was a vile little piece of shit.
	I lied.
	I framed people.
	God damn it.
	I guess I'm going to hell.
	And you will go to hell.
	And I don't care.
	I don't really care either way.
	Speaking of Proud Boys, they were in a show.
	I guess there's a show called Secession.
	Wait, did I not send you this?
	I think you did.
	Okay.
	Here we go.
	Oh, here we go.
	Tucker and Proud Boys on Secession.
	Secession is a show on HBO.
	And Tucker posed with Proud Boys once.
	He got in big trouble for this.
	See if you can find this picture.
	And it was like, Tucker poses with racist hate group.
	And you go, that sounds pretty bad.
	The problem is, in the picture, one of the Proud Boys is black.
	So what I've noticed they do in the articles is they say Tucker poses with well-known hate group.
	Then for the first picture, they just show Tucker.
	And then you scroll, scroll, scroll, which the incurious never do in our mentally obese times.
	And then eventually you see, oh, it's a black dude.
	And by the way, hold on.
	And a Spanish dude.
	He's one of those Caucasian-looking Hispanics.
	The other guy.
	I don't want to say his name, but.
	So, okay, so they go.
	He posed with a hate group.
	He's got hate group fans.
	Ergo.
	Even though those guys were being bodyguards for Roger Stone, Roger was on Tucker, so they happened to be in the green room.
	They followed Roger around when he's in town and make sure he doesn't get fucked with.
	You know, because it's a sin to make sure that conservatives don't get beat up.
	Anyway, so on this show, they amalgamate all that into their silly, stupid narrative.
	And this is what I love about this clip, by the way.
	And you'll see this in, I sent you the link.
	You sent me a clip?
	Well, it's in the fucking thing.
	Newsbusters.
	The thing I love about this clip is these shows, it's written by a nerd who's never been outside, some fat loser who's had one girlfriend his whole life.
	And then the act, and he injects all this sort of arrogance, hubris.
	That's my word of the week, hubris.
	He injects all this arrogance and pomposity into the script, and then the actors ramp that up.
	So you're dealing with just basically the coolest, most overt people in the world, man, who are, oh, yeah, what's that?
	Oh, that's boring.
	Meanwhile, you're looking at actors, the biggest gay lords in the world.
	I mean, you know, those drama club kids in high school who are so fucking annoying and make bracelets and stuff.
	They're still them.
	They don't change.
	They don't become grizzled.
	They don't work at an oil tanker for a few years and not be that high school kid.
	All actors you see on TV are drama club geeks.
	They're zeros.
	They're embarrassing.
	They wear funny socks.
	And the writers are even below them.
	At least the drama club geeks got laid.
	They were really annoying about it and they said too much stuff during the act.
	But the guys who had a crush on the drama club girl, those are the writers now.
	So you're dealing with the biggest losers in the world.
	Almost bigger losers than the guy Cuom was hired to watch this show.
	And here they are acting like the Fawns, totally getting it, man.
	All right, so what do you got to give to us, Drama Club Girl?
	So what's the current thinking on Ravenhead?
	Ravenhead, stick with him.
	Young talent.
	Nice guy.
	Your dad likes him.
	And he's one of our most popular actors.
	Yeah.
	So to be clear, her dad is Roger Ailes in this metaphor.
	And Ravenhead is Tucker Carlson.
	Sure, but is he a fascist?
	Wow.
	Just pause.
	So you're supposed to believe here that real people who work at real networks, like say, let's go to Fox.
	Let's go to Suzanne Scott and Bill Schein.
	So Bill Schein and Suzanne Scott, which wait a minute, that might be who this is sort of meant to be, although Suzanne Scott isn't the daughter of Roger Ailes.
	She's very close with him.
	I've met Bill Schein and Suzanne Scott quite a bit.
	They're the top executives, although Bill's not at Fox anymore.
	They're the top executives at Fox News.
	The idea that Suzanne Scott would just be sitting in a car going, yeah, but is he a fascist?
	No one uses the word fascist in real life.
	Sorry.
	There are no intelligent human beings over the age of 20 that go, yeah, I know he's a good worker, but is he a fascist?
	It's unfathomable.
	Yeah, we had a, sorry, boss.
	We had someone in here earlier.
	We asked them to leave.
	They were actually a fascist.
	It's not a word.
	It's like intersectionality.
	It doesn't leave college and Antifa rallies.
	People don't use the word fascist.
	Good lord.
	TV writer of you.
	You've seen the video, Tom.
	He's right there with the fascists.
	It was a long time.
	The video.
	You've seen the video, Tom.
	He's right there with the fascists.
	That's the picture I was just talking about of Tucker.
	And look how cool she is.
	Did she just beat the shit out of 10 Russian bodyguards and then smoke a dube with Snoop Dogg?
	Like people don't act that cool.
	Time ago.
	He was interested in politics.
	He gets invited to a conference.
	He's excited.
	He has no idea who he's sitting on a panel with.
	It's all perfectly plausible.
	Oh, yeah, it's plausible, but is it true?
	Shiv, come on.
	Who wasn't a bit salty when they were 21?
	He's grown up now.
	He lives in Connecticut.
	He's crazy about the Knicks.
	He's just pods.
	That might be me.
	That sounds very youish.
	I think I often get lumped in.
	Like, they make amalgams.
	It's been a Gavin Richard Spencer machine.
	This could be a Gavin Tucker Carlson.
	I live in Westchester.
	I love the Mets.
	I see what they do.
	They make a Voltron out of little parts of all people.
	And that's because they know so little about everyone, and they're too lazy to do research.
	They just go, I'll just make a big bubblegum amalgamation of all the tiny pieces I've thought of.
	Lovely guy.
	And his demo skews younger.
	Fuck is this?
	Bravenhead fanboys.
	Morning, assholes.
	Hey, those are all assholes.
	This is morning, assholes.
	Well, check it out.
	By the way, when you're a, I don't know, 39-year-old woman and you're walking into a mob, your attitude is, oh, Jesus, this looks like, is this, are we, is this going to be okay?
	Like when Charles Murray did that talk at a college, I think it was in upstate New York, and the mob was screaming and attacking.
	And then she said, Charles, I'm really sorry about this.
	And she tried to lead him forward, petrified.
	She got tackled.
	I think they broke her ankle.
	I know she had to go to the hospital.
	So I don't know why you're sitting there with your stoga going, good day, assholes.
	Even the guys were just like, yeah, the guy's like, I'm just a man who's six foot four.
	What am I?
	I'm not 18 people.
	This is a problem.
	I'm not a little girl in an Archie Andrews comic.
	And she's like, technically, they're your assholes.
	I used to stack these assholes five feet high.
	Use them as sandbags in Korea.
	Yeah, she's a tough cookie.
	Okay, now who are these assholes?
	Can you imagine if someone actually cleaned up here with a cleansing fucking zeal?
	Like Mary Hoppins with a heart on?
	No, like me.
	Or you.
	Just pause.
	Did she just say, can you imagine someone cleaned up here with a cleansing fucking zeal?
	Someone like me?
	What are you going to do?
	Kill all the Proud Boys in Antifa?
	And there's another misnomer here.
	I overused that word.
	There's another misunderstanding here.
	And lazy people always do this.
	They always say, well, actually, Trump did it with Charlottesville, the previous thing to Charlottesville, which was the statues.
	Don't get it twisted.
	Where he said, ah, there's people on both sides.
	Or it's that thing where you go, some people say this, some people say this.
	The answer is probably somewhere in between.
	Sounds good.
	It's like the sound good theory.
	Like, ah, Gavin probably quit the Prowboys because, you know, they were getting out of hand.
	They were getting too violent.
	He didn't want to be part of that.
	No.
	They've not been getting more violent.
	They've been doing the same thing forever.
	I quit to alleviate sentences in jail.
	And it worked for nine of the 11.
	Seven of the 11.
	Eight of the 11, sorry.
	And this whole thing with Antifa and Proud Boys, ah, they're both fucked.
	That's just keep both these assholes.
	No, one of them shows up at events and starts riots, like what just happened in Portland on the 17th of August.
	Proud Boys planned a thing.
	They went across the bridge, planted one American flag, and went home.
	That's it.
	And they refused to fight.
	They were determined not to get into any trouble whatsoever.
	There was a different group that was on a bus, and a guy had a hammer on that bus.
	Antifa attacked the bus.
	They pried open the door.
	They smashed the windows and they were pepper spraying into any hole they could make, making the bus driver unable to breathe or see.
	So someone in that bus, after the door is open, he comes out with a hammer.
	Someone grabs the hammer and starts hitting him with it.
	Hits him in the ribs, breaks his ribs.
	That guy was arrested.
	He had a shirt on that said beta cuck for life.
	That's right.
	So Proud Boys did that rally in Portland to say, hey, we're not the violent ones.
	They are.
	Watch this.
	I'll dip my toe in the water and retreat and the whole pool will go crazy with piranhas.
	And it did.
	15 have been arrested.
	15 since then.
	And guess who's got their backs?
	Oh, there's a good picture of what happened.
	Yes, the guy on the bus had the hammer first.
	So what?
	He was trying to defend his life.
	They were attacking the bus, smashing the windows, and pepper spraying the holes.
	What do you do after that?
	You have to come out.
	You get attacked.
	Sounds like a great place for a hammer.
	And those weren't Proud Boys.
	But anyway, AOC has noticed the arrest.
	She's noticed that the PB plan worked.
	And she is compelling.
	Oh, so he comes back with the hammer.
	You know, my philosophy is just let all these people fight.
	We don't need police involvement.
	Anyway, AOC tweeted out a defense fund for the violent protesters in Boston.
	Sorry.
	Is it Boston?
	Oh, wait.
	She's done both.
	Yeah.
	So, sorry.
	This is another thing she's done.
	So she, in both cases, she's promoting these defense funds to help Antifa.
	Now, there was also in the Straight Pride Parade, the exact same thing happened.
	Antifa went ballistic, started attacking people, and there were arrests.
	So AOC's reaction is, let's have a defense fund, because if you go and plant a flag across a bridge, or if you march down the street with a sign that says it's okay to be straight, then in both cases, you're a white supremacist.
	Even if you're black.
	Did you know that?
	Yes.
	So go back to AOC's tweet.
	I got it twist.
	One way to support the local LGBT community impacted by Boston's white supremacist parade.
	Wait a minute.
	Why would LGBTQ care about white supremacy?
	Those are two different things.
	Eh, you know.
	Are the handicapped community impacted by...
	What hurts them with white supremacy?
	She's so stupid.
	Anyway, what's it say next?
	Contribute to the bail fund for the activists who put themselves on the line protecting the Boston community.
	Yes.
	We may have to double check, actually, that she was pushing for a defense fund for the Antifa in Portland.
	I'm only 71% sure about that.
	But does it matter when she's trying to get the Boston Antifa released?
	By the way, speaking of black white supremacists, there was a black white supremacist in Grand Central this weekend.
	Show this clip.
	So, sorry, I'm hopping all over the map here.
	Oh, that's the, is it the Infowars?
	Yeah, Grand Central protest.
	I participated in one of these.
	Back before I was too famous, I infiltrated Black Lives Matter on behalf of Project Very TAS as a punk rocker named Chippy.
	And I had on a hat that said LMFAO.
	It was actually my daughter's hat, and my tattoos helped, and I had my punk coat, and my beard was big.
	And I guess it was so long ago that I wasn't that recognized.
	And I was able to infiltrate them, and we went and we did a die-in representing all the black victims of cops.
	And they handed out all these signs of their names, and there was a ton of signs.
	I looked up most of the names later, and it was all pulled a cop.
	I mean, pulled a gun on a cop, walked into a police station with a knife.
	It was never just like, hello, I am trying to get to Los.
	So they go back.
	It's got to be the same group because look at this.
	Show the video or the picture.
	No.
	So it says, first they came for the tall, but you see on the far left there, you see that poster board?
	Yeah.
	Now, those aren't cheap.
	I've made them at Kinko's.
	When we had a memorial for people who had died of winning AIDS after Trump was elected, back before Clown World took over, I made a bunch and the bill was nuts.
	They're like $60 each or something.
	Anyway, when you have a stack of them like this, we're into the hundreds.
	And I noticed everyone handing them out.
	I could just tell that they were lesbian lawyers.
	And it looks like the same group was involved in this.
	These weird lesbian lawyers getting Soros money and a seemingly blank check for Kinkos.
	But stop, stop, stop.
	So this guy braves the crowd, the mob.
	He walks into a mob with a Trump 2020 sign and confronts them all and says, you guys think less of blacks.
	You think we're your little pets?
	You think we're victims?
	Fine.
	Give me reparations then.
	I'm not asking for reparations, but if that's your politics, then hand them over right now.
	Trump's a patriot.
	You guys have all been brainwashed.
	Anyway, check it out.
	Trump 2020, baby.
	Trump 2020.
	Ain't nothing black about them, but it's not color.
	It's not about color.
	It's not about color.
	It's about policy.
	It's about policy.
	Protecting you as citizens.
	Protect you as citizens.
	You're a brainwashed.
	Go sit down somewhere.
	You're a brainwashed.
	Go sit down somewhere.
	I'm your next governor.
	Sit me down.
	And watch what kind of policies I ain't at.
	The nonsense is over in the state of New York.
	Something fishy is going on with the people around here.
	Keep going.
	Ignore the counter protesters.
	They have a sign that says ignore the counter protesters.
	You got the right to do that?
	I have the right to do this.
	See those signs?
	Those are the same signs as the last one.
	The cardstock, whatever you call it, foam cord.
	First, they came from the toddlers.
	Close the camps.
	What do we do?
	Tell me what to do when 200 people...
	wait wait i want to hear what he said That's why I do not like white liberals and a Democrat.
	They are the worst on this earth.
	A white liberal Democrat wants to control you.
	That's what they want to do.
	They are fucking dead.
	If you ain't white liberal Democrat, pay me reparation because y'all say I deserve it.
	But you're gonna say I deserve it.
	And I want you to be turned over to the Trump campaign.
	I do not want your money.
	You say I deserve reparation.
	White liberals and Democrats pay up.
	If you a white liberal democrat because you told me I deserve reparation.
	I did not ask for it.
	They told me that to the vote.
	But you won't get my vote.
	My vote is going here for Trump 2020.
	But if you're a white liberal Democrat, pay up.
	If you have white guilt, I have the cure for your white guilt.
	Put your money in my bank account and you will be healed.
	That's fucking great, huh?
	At the gym today, where I'm getting a new box.
	I'm back in the gym, by the way.
	Very disappointed with the strength in these Elmo arms.
	I was doing overhand writes that if I did them to your face, you would say, can you stop that, please?
	I'm trying to get work done.
	I'd Pillsbury Doughboy it.
	I'm going to go on HGH.
	Are you really?
	Yes.
	What does it do?
	What are the side effects?
	Human growth hormones.
	Yeah, what are the side effects, though?
	Prostate cancer, baldness, crazy mood swings, and you grow tits.
	Oh, wow.
	All of those, huh?
	Besides that, you're carrot top.
	Yeah, I said, what are the side effects, though?
	Oh, the side effects are you're fucking ripped.
	Oh, I see.
	That's good trade.
	I'm just going to try it for a little bit.
	And it's not steroids, per se.
	It helps your body create steroids.
	Oh, I see.
	But it's done with a doctor, and they measure all your shit, and then they give you estrogen blockers to avoid tits.
	Nice.
	The baldness is not good.
	don't want to lose this it's my only if they give you estrogen blockers i don't know if you'd You'd probably not be able to understand what I say to you anymore.
	Yeah, I'll say, when you play the music you like, I'll just hear...
	Yeah.
	I'll go, what do you think of this song?
	Well, why don't you play it?
	There's static feedback.
	No, we just played Gloria Estevan's Rhythm of the Night.
	I'm sorry.
	Okay, let me try and sling Dion.
	But you also hear live from New York.
	That comes through just fine.
	That emerges perfectly.
	Speaking of black people, at the gym, one of the guys there told me that he read an article where Dave Chappelle was listed as a white supremacist.
	Just makes me feel weak.
	Clown World is getting funny again.
	It's sort of like a joke, a really stupid joke.
	Like, are you trying to get with me?
	Like, say I said that to you, right?
	Yeah.
	And you'd go, what?
	And then, like, three times, wait, are you trying to get with me?
	Are you trying to get?
	What are you doing?
	Are you trying to get with me?
	Not funny.
	And then like six, seven, eight, nine, ten, it's getting annoying.
	Yeah.
	Joke's over.
	Then we get back up 14, 15, 16.
	We're on day four now.
	And you're like, that's funny.
	All right, so yeah, yeah, it comes back around.
	Yeah, it comes back around.
	That's right.
	And now when I go, wait, are you trying to get with me?
	Now it's become part of our vocabulary.
	It's become an inside joke with us.
	And now it's fun.
	That's a thing.
	That's a fun thing.
	Now we start doing it to other people, and then they feel the same way that we first felt.
	And I just want to hold their hands and go, we're going on a voyage.
	We're going on a trip.
	And it's going to get rocky.
	There's going to be some turbulence.
	But eventually, we're going to get to the promised land.
	And that's how I feel with Clown World.
	Dave Chappelle's a white supremacist.
	Now you're funny again.
	You've gone from exasperating, throwing my friends in prison for 15 years for coming to one of my talks.
	That was not hilarious, but we're getting funny again.
	I see, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Anyway, Owen Benjamin put up a video.
	One of his bears.
	I can't do an Owen Benjamin.
	Ah, dude, it's brutal.
	I'm doing Burr's material now.
	Why is he doing Burr's material with Jim Gaffikins aside?
	So Owen Benjamin points out to the world that the whole funny LGBT joke that Dave Chappelle did, I put that there because we're going to get stepped on.
	Gotcha.
	Thank you.
	It's his.
	Now, if he was a good editor, he would have done the L and the L and the G and the G. So this is a bit, I'm giving you just like the flour and the eggs and the butter and the milk and the baking powder and a little bit of salt and some sugar of the pancakes.
	but let's make some pancakes together.
	That's what I feel bad for her, because you got the LBGT, right?
	Yeah.
	There's more every day, I know.
	But I'll tell you what it happens.
	It all started with the L's.
	And the L's are great.
	No one has a problem with the L's.
	That's pretty unique.
	You say the L's are great.
	And everyone's like, oh, yeah, L's.
	Great.
	You guys are really cool.
	You're great dinner guests.
	You know?
	Because they love knickknacking.
	But they always have interesting magnets.
	You know, it's like a Sylvia poem on a mug.
	But they're good people.
	And then the Gs came in.
	And the G's are cool, but they're male.
	So they're a little more aggressive, but they're a blast.
	You know, they're like, hey, we're the G's.
	Males are like, hey, G's, what are you guys up to?
	They're like, you know, we're facing some discrimination.
	Why don't we team up?
	You guys have the Subarus.
	We got like Red.
	Can you just pause it?
	this is actually better than Dave Chappelle's.
	It's much more sophisticated.
	Chappelle was just like, Then there's a G's.
	They suck shit.
	They're in a car, and they're like, Y'all want to bang?
	Then he does the hits his leg.
	Dave.
	I'm your friend Trip.
	Go ahead.
	We're pretty ripped, and we're fun.
	We're hilarious.
	So let's do that.
	You know, we're a little unpredictable.
	We might have a coke problem, but let's all team up.
	And the altar went great.
	And at this point, everything's going great.
	And then the bees came in.
	The bees threw people for a loop because you never really know if you can go camping with them, but they're cool.
	You never quite know if you can go camping with them.
	You know, they're like, we'll bang anybody.
	They're like, anybody?
	Anybody.
	So he just said right there, the bees will bang anybody.
	Yep.
	Yes.
	And at that point, everything's going good.
	And then everything changed with the T's.
	The Ts came in.
	Right?
	And they were like, hey, we're the T's.
	And they're like, hey, what's going on with you guys?
	They're like, yeah, we're being discriminated against.
	And everyone's like, oh, we'll protect you, T's.
	And they're like, yes, what's up, Chopper Cockstella?
	And everyone's like, whoa, man.
	What's going on with you?
	And they're like, oh, my God, Japan doesn't even exist.
	Nothing matters.
	A four-year-old can be a T. Everyone's like, dude, can we kick out the T?
	They're like, no, he's already brought the Q's, the A's, and the I's.
	And they're like, we're going to burn this bitch down.
	And he went to the bottom.
	We're going to burn this bitch down.
	Oh, okay.
	Can we kick out the teaser?
	Now let's do it with Chappelle.
	All right.
	I did like what Chappelle did to it, but he definitely, it's...
	Sure.
	I think it's just one big with the longest shirt in the world.
	Isn't that the worst?
	It's a sexy woman's t-shirt dress.
	Like, I want that on a poker-tudinous Puerto Rican.
	Yeah, that would be fun.
	I want to see her tits and her fucking ass sticking out in that.
	Yeah, and no pants.
	Of course not.
	Like, those pants are out there.
	And knee-high boots.
	He's wearing a sexy Hispanic woman's shirt.
	I'm going out for a night on the town, man.
	Me and my friend Dave.
	But it's one big movement.
	It's not.
	All those letters are their own movement.
	They just travel in the same car together.
	So the G's are just driving the car.
	Of course, next to the G's in the passenger seat is the L's.
	Everybody likes the L's, except for the Gs kind of different.
	Yeah, I don't know what that's.
	The G's don't like them that much.
	The only thing that breaks the tension between the L's and the G's are the B's in the back seat.
	If it's one thing that the L's and the G's agree on, it's that the B's are fucking gross.
	They seem greedy to the L's and the G's.
	You know what I mean?
	Because they're just sitting in the back seat like, yeah, man, I'll fuck anybody in this car.
	That's the exact same joke.
	Yeah, that's verbatim.
	And then he's cracking up the Owen Benjamin's joke.
	And sitting next to the B's, all the way in the back seat by themselves, looking out the window.
	That's the Ts.
	Everybody in the car respects the T's, but everyone also resents the T's.
	It's not the T's fault, but everyone in the car just feels like the T's are making the trip take longer.
	Because you're wearing the same color shirt.
	Yeah, imagine, you know, I kind of actually have like no problem with that.
	You know, because it's just like, you know, it's like Louis Vuitton is there, it's the original, then you get like a Chinese knockoff, if that's the case, if he intentionally did it.
	But it's like, you know.
	We like when that happens, when you're like, I think Amy saw this joke and you compare them.
	We all like that stuff.
	So it's like, you know, whatever.
	But whether...
	I guess the point is, is he getting...
	You have an ancient Chinese response to what I said?
	Yeah, Owen Benjamin is a hardworking comedian who has been ostracized for being too edgy, including that very joke.
	His career is hanging by a thread for no fault of his own.
	Dave Chappelle is a gazillionaire who doesn't need to steal jokes.
	He steals this ostracized comedian's joke and makes more money off it.
	That's stealing.
	Do you think it would be a good idea?
	How can you be okay with stealing jokes?
	Of course I think it's intentional.
	You think that's a coincidence?
	I don't know.
	How many comics are watching other comics things?
	Robin Williams, people at the comedy store used to be when Robin Williams showed up.
	Yeah.
	But that's why you know about it.
	That's why you know about Mencia doing it.
	I mean, it's...
	I don't think he intentionally did it, but it is very...
	The B's?
	You know what my L's and the G's?
	They're all in the car together.
	What next?
	You're going to say that Chappelle stole this joke?
	So, dude, I'm just drinking a couple of claws.
	Wait, I was supposed to do a Dave Chappelle.
	Man, I'm drinking some claws with my bears.
	You just ruined the joke.
	But what was it?
	What was yours?
	No, no.
	Your joke was going to be, next thing you know, you're going to say Chappelle stole this.
	And then you do a typical Owen rant.
	But people fucked it up.
	The small hats, man.
	They're just sneaky.
	I don't like them.
	My bears.
	I never seen a Jewish janitor in my life.
	Man, I always play piano.
	What are you talking about?
	I'm going farming, man.
	I got goats.
	All right, we got to go soon.
	But I want to get some more clown world out.
	This was funny.
	This woman said that we should stop wearing red baseball hats because they make her feel unsafe.
	I had a guy in my little suburban town in Westchester.
	His friend came up to me and I said, he was saying, yeah, I know who you are, blah, blah, blah.
	And he goes, Look, my friend over there is Jewish and he feels unsafe.
	And I go, That's pathetic.
	Meaning, first of all, that I'm not an anti-Semite.
	But secondly, if I was, what, you're unsafe?
	What am I going to do?
	Stab you?
	Am I going to smash your windows and say Kristallnacht?
	Like, I live in New York.
	I go to New York City every day.
	I'm surrounded with people who have my opposite views.
	1% of Manhattanites voted for Trump.
	I'm unsafe.
	Right.
	And I don't feel unsafe.
	I feel unsafe.
	And I also did a photo shoot.
	The LA magazine, whatever it is, LA Weekly, LA Magazine, is doing a, it's the guy from Radar, Iranian Jewish guy who left when the Muslims took over, but still doesn't see how Islam is a problem.
	He set up, and it's with that chick, Julia Greenberg, whatever, who does the pictures, really high-res pictures of the crying babies, which you couldn't have heard of because you don't know about anything.
	No.
	Julia Greenberg's crying babies.
	Anyway, cool chick.
	Yeah, that's her.
	Just show the page.
	Have you ever seen that picture before?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	Phew.
	You've almost heard of something.
	It's a Pampers commercial.
	Just kidding.
	Anyway, you spelt her name wrong.
	So I'm talking to her, and we're setting up the shoot, and I have my yellow plaid suit on, and blah, blah, blah.
	I'll just go ah.
	And she wanted me to do a crying shot.
	No.
	She did the infamous Glenn Beck crying shot.
	And I don't think that was good for us, Glenn.
	He wasn't literally crying.
	They put menthol under your eyes, as they do in movies.
	But the left used that as fodder.
	That's how stupid and useless they are.
	They thought Glenn Beck was a crybaby, and he just coincidentally happened to be in a beautiful art studio while he bawled his eyes out.
	Yeah, that's the picture.
	I mean, he's cool and he's funny.
	He's making fun of himself.
	But I'm not doing that.
	I don't want this to be on Antifa t-shirts.
	How could people think that's really crying?
	Like, people actually clap.
	No, but they don't think, right?
	So they just put it on posters and they're like, ah.
	Ah, I see.
	Cry, baby, Glenn Beck.
	Anyway, so we're talking, and on the hallway up, one of the service guys, like, oh, Gavin McInnis, wow, I love your stuff.
	Can I get a picture?
	Like, one of the maintenance guys who work on the elevator.
	And we get there and we're talking, and she goes, well, I can't remember.
	Oh, yeah.
	I was talking about, she was born in Montreal, and I'm talking about Montreal.
	And I go, that's the fucking separatists, the FLQ.
	They started literally bombing the place in 1970, and all the English left, and all the Jews left, and all the business left with them.
	And Montreal has been destitute ever since.
	And she goes, well, I think that's what they wanted, right?
	And I go, yeah, well, they hate immigrants more than Jews, but there's definitely some anti-Semitism there.
	And she goes, well, I'm Jewish.
	I don't know if you know that.
	And I'm so cool that I hadn't even thought of that when I read the word Greenberg.
	I don't think like that.
	I'm from Montreal, upstate New York, and New York City.
	I've never, in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
	Not only have I only always been around Jews, I've always been around Hasidic Jews.
	So it's not a thing.
	And she said, I'm Jewish because she has blue eyes and blonde hair.
	So it's surprising, I guess.
	And she goes, do you have a problem with that?
	Is that an issue?
	Oh, really?
	That's amazing.
	It really is amazing.
	They really think that.
	And it's amazing because then I sort of went back and went, wait a minute, your maintenance guy's a fan of me.
	If I'm David Duke, that means the guy who fixes your elevator hates Jews.
	And what, he's going to loosen up the fucking...
	I'd love to come by and just have tea and say hello and let you know we're not all like that.
	My wife goes, oh, great.
	Yeah, that'd be wonderful.
	Come on over.
	And then she goes, but I am Jewish.
	Like my wife's going to go, you better be fucking kidding me.
	You getting all that Jewish shit in my ear.
	This is what you should design at the bar too, Billy.
	But my friend's Jewish.
	You'd be like, where?
	Where is he?
	Where's he at?
	Lick your chops.
	I wish this bar didn't have a fucking fire escape.
	Because that little rat's got it outside.
	You're lucky we got a fire escape here, boy.
	You ain't getting out this door, I'll tell you that much.
	How did Quentin Tarantino get away with writing Hans Landa's dialogue in that movie?
	That movie is anti-Nazi porn.
	Anyway, another dumb thing you've said today.
	But I said to her, what are you talking about?
	Of course I don't have a problem with that.
	And have you ever, what are you, like 52?
	Have you ever come across an anti-Semite in your life?
	And she goes, well, not to my face.
	And I go, I haven't come across one.
	Not really.
	I mean, I've seen some bleather on fucking 4chan, and I've seen stupid kids trying to get revenge on their boss by putting rude words on a door.
	But I've never come across a guy with a plan to deny the Holocaust.
	You don't see that.
	And she goes, well, not in media.
	Okay, well, we're both in media.
	So why would you think that I could run a magazine for 15 years and work at Rebel and do all this shit and be like, what the fucking goddamn J's?
	Like, it can't be sincere.
	She can't think that an anti-Semite is walking up her stairs and her elevator repairman goes, hey, David Duke, what's up?
	Maybe you're supposed to laugh.
	Maybe it was a joke.
	Oh, shit, that's embarrassing.
	You think it was a joke, maybe?
	This is the cool guy best friend thing all over again.
	Yeah.
	She was like, he didn't even laugh.
	He just defended himself.
	What a loser.
	I thought he was funny.
	Whoops.
	Now, what do you think about that?
	Am I wrong?
	She didn't say anything else funny the entire day.
	Oh, not even 1%.
	Now you got the right idea.
	No, she probably meant it.
	If she was being funny, though, that's amazing.
	But there's this new Jewish thing with not actual Orthodox Jews who go to synagogue and temple and are practicing and read the Torah, but secular Jews who have basically abandoned it where they go, I'm basically Black.
	Do you hate me?
	You probably hate me, right?
	You probably want to put me in an oven, right?
	I'm putting brackets around my name to say, I don't care that you want to kill me.
	You go, no, I don't.
	I'm sorry.
	I don't care.
	It's like the whole trans thing.
	You don't want us to exist.
	I don't really think about you.
	Or fat people.
	You don't think we have the right to exist.
	No, no, no.
	You don't think you have the right to exist.
	You're killing yourself right now.
	I don't give a fuck.
	Bye.
	It bothers them when they don't get the reaction they didn't want.
	Just like gay, it's like when there's a gay guy, it's like, listen, I don't like gay guys, but I'm pretty good looking, right?
	And they're like, no, you're like, really?
	And you're upset that a gay doesn't like you.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Well, it's sort of like black and white couples, like with the black guy and a white girl, and they're walking down the street, and he's just like, I'm doing okay.
	And she sort of looks at you like, well, I suppose this is making your blood boil, huh?
	Oh, you're sucking the dick of a man you're in love with.
	What a brave revolutionary you are.
	You need a statue right over there.
	You're a real mentor.
	How brave.
	I make out with my boyfriend.
	What do you think of that?
	I don't give a shit.
	Nobody does.
	Except maybe black woman.
	All right.
	Yeah, seriously.
	So yeah, so this is the red hat thing I alluded to 10 years ago.
	Is anyone else made really uncomfortable these days by anyone wearing any kind of red baseball cap?
	Like, who writes the word like, Jesus Christ, your annoying voice is now transcribed?
	Like, I see one and my heart does weird shit, and then I finally realize it only says titliest or whatever.
	Titlist, yeah.
	Titlist.
	Maybe you don't wear red caps anymore, normal people?
	What?
	Okay, sorry.
	Red is out.
	Also, for the love of God, the clever folks wearing Make America Read Again or whatever caps, no.
	You're making everyone scared.
	Don't do it.
	Okay, mom.
	And who is Rebecca Mackay?
	Oh, she's a Nobel literary nominee.
	All these New York Times bestseller.
	Holy shit.
	She's got bazooms.
	She's got bazooms.
	Is she Jewish?
	Bazooms confirmed.
	What is it with Jewish girls in fantastic tits?
	I don't know, man.
	Wow.
	It's true, though.
	And this is how you become, you want to become, those are fantabulous.
	Wow.
	She just became a lot less annoying.
	Two times less annoying than before.
	Which hat can I wear?
	That's gone.
	Go, Hillary.
	Sweating.
	So she's got a book called The Great Believers.
	I'd just like to read you some of the In 1985, Yale Tishman, the development director for Chicago Art Gallery, is about to pull off a coup, bringing an extraordinary collection of 1920s paintings.
	Yet, as his career begins to flourish, the carnage of the AIDS epidemic grows around him.
	One by one, his friends are dying.
	And after his friend Nico's funeral, the virus circles closer and closer to Yale himself.
	Soon, the only person he has left is Fiona Nico's little sister.
	Oh!
	APPLAUSE APPLAUSE applaudissements Bravo!
	Bravo!
	So brave.
	Removing my red hat.
	Wow.
	Screw D-Day.
	This is the new Normandy.
	That book is braver than every man who died in World War II times two.
	Normandy, McDonald.
	There's another...
	Here's the other one, though.
	The shirt.
	Did I include that?
	This woman at Trader Joe's?
	It's not looking good.
	No, I'm just not seeing that.
	You may have to research this yourself.
	You're going to have to look this up.
	Oh, no, it's there.
	Is it?
	Yeah, it's in the same link.
	At the bottom of red baseball caps.
	It just says quietly Trump 2020 shirt in Trader Joe's.
	Oh, that same pic?
	The same paragraph.
	It's not a pic.
	It's a link.
	So we're going to have to click on the link.
	Gotcha, gotcha.
	I have them all up here.
	And we're going to have to fuck him.
	God, I got some yellow chompers.
	One funny thing that that photographer said is I go, do you smile in photos?
	Because I don't know.
	You're so, like, photography is your life and going, must seem pretty phony to you.
	And she goes, I don't do it because I'm getting older and the lines, it's not very flattering for me to go like that.
	But it's a catchphrase too because I have nice teeth.
	So maybe, and then we both were going, maybe something like kind of like a, you could do that.
	That was funny.
	That is funny.
	All right.
	Do you want to read this?
	This right?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	This past Tuesday at a Trader Joe's in Tucson, a male shopper came in wearing a Trump 2020 t-shirt.
	My husband and I immediately felt threatened and observed the entire mood of the store shift as well.
	We quickly and cautiously finished our shopping and moved to the checkout stands.
	Before we left, my husband...
	Before we left, my husband asked our checker, Caucasian woman, to convey to management the anxiety that we had just experienced at suddenly finding ourselves in a confined space with a man.
	I've got a very good imagination.
	Yes.
	It's actually a curse.
	Sometimes I'll be reading about some horrible catastrophe, something in World War II, for example, Normandy.
	Normandy.
	I basically had a panic attack at saving Private Ryan.
	I think I'm very good at empathy when it comes to the West, solely.
	I can imagine gays.
	I can imagine murderers.
	I can imagine a lot of different weird shit.
	I see their point a lot of the time.
	Not pedophiles, but I see a lot of weirdos' points.
	I cannot fathom seeing a t-shirt of the president of the United States of America and saying that we need to talk to the manager.
	hmm What?
	What?
	Would you even do that to a Putin shirt?
	Or like a Kim Jong-un shirt?
	I would do it to a shirt where a kid was getting fucked.
	Right.
	Or like a head being cut off.
	Nope.
	If it was like a death metal shirt and it was a drawing, or even a very vivid picture of a beheading, I might, maybe.
	But even then I would go to the guy.
	And I go, dude.
	Dude.
	Ah, dude.
	It's like a guy with a shirt here.
	It's like a literally death.
	It's a snuff shirt.
	Dude, we got kids in here.
	It's a tea snuff.
	You're wearing a tea snuff.
	Dude, a snuff's a snuff, dude.
	Take it out of here.
	But I'll tell you what, if it wasn't a thing with kids and it was like a bar or, you know, a metal show or something, I wouldn't say anything about that.
	So just children getting raped, I think.
	And even then, I would confront the guy.
	Trump 2020, the majority of the population is going to be voting for Trump.
	He's going to win.
	So you're basically saying something about that you are triggered by something that 180 million people are totally cool with.
	I think it's kind of hard to find something that 180 million people are pretty cool with.
	Hamburgers?
	You're triggered by a hamburger.
	Yeah, but you like it with the onion rings in there.
	No, I don't.
	Actually, I'm willing to try.
	Then there's sub culture within agreeing with hamburgers.
	Sounds too filling if you were to add onion rings.
	Tell that to our buddy Alex.
	Remember?
	I had a whole thing with that?
	Who's Alex?
	Oh, you don't know?
	With the show Get Inside with Alex?
	Remember?
	Are you plugging one of your stupid podcasts?
	It's a guy.
	It's me and Paul's mutual friend.
	He was a proud boy.
	And he had a show.
	And then he vanished from the face of the earth after because he was so ashamed of it.
	I also ribbed him.
	He got really personally attacked by me calling out the fact that, all right, dude, we get it.
	The place that you work at, you put onion rings in your burger buns.
	You're saying an inside joke with yourself that you and maybe two people on earth know.
	No, everybody knows.
	It's what made him disappear from this world.
	And I'm sorry, and I didn't think it was going to happen.
	It's just onion ring talk.
	Okay, Ryan, if you made someone leave all their friends and move from New York and quit their job and completely vanish witness protection because you made fun of them for having onion rings in a burger, that's hilarious.
	You need to relay that to the crowd, to the viewers.
	And then in the future, that would have been funny if you said, well, at least you don't put onions in your burgers.
	Ha ha ha.
	Callback.
	But you're telling a remarkably esoteric story that nobody knows and then making it as a joke on a show.
	Well, everybody knows the truth now.
	Yeah.
	Now we could all do it.
	Looking forward to that callback next time.
	Sorry, folks, for your time machine callback joke that you now have to go into the future to hear.
	What are you doing?
	Why are you going through your Instagram?
	because you have a picture of it.
	I started trolling with the...
	Anyway, back to work.
	Just mailbag?
	No?
	You have to finish the letter.
	It's not done.
	It gets worse.
	Oh, crap.
	Okay.
	Okay, so we were not prepared for our checker's response.
	We were not prepared for a checker's response.
	Thanking us both profusely.
	She grabbed my husband's hand like a lifeline.
	Two fingers flying to check her own neck pulse.
	The Trump shopper had just been through her line and her heart was racing with fear.
	Wait a minute.
	She grabbed his hand as a lifeline.
	Oh, she grabbed his hand and then put his hand on her neck to check her pulse.
	Like, am I alive?
	Could you be more of a drama queen, please?
	T-shirt finger grabs someone's hand and then put the fingers on.
	That girl has to be a gay man.
	It has to be a drag queen.
	Feel my heart.
	Yes.
	I'm coming for you, Weezy.
	Yeah, they lift him up like James Brown.
	He gets back to his.
	They drag her out of the grocery store and then she comes back.
	Living in Trump's America.
	Ha!
	And they were still racing with fear.
	She actually needed us to help her calm down.
	I wanted to run after this man and run after this man and ask if he knew what he had done to this hapless woman, what he had done to us.
	But of course, he knew.
	That was the point.
	Yeah, that's why he did it.
	To hurt you all.
	But he's also got plenty of dark-minded company, and that's the most terrifying, awful thing about it.
	Terrifyingly awful.
	Terrifyingly awful.
	Oh, I would love to see a picture of her.
	I saw it.
	It's been going around as a meme, and there's a picture there of a woman in a pussy hat.
	I'm not putting it up because I don't know if that's her.
	Gotcha.
	But God, I would love to know if it's her.
	All right.
	Let's chew the mailbag and get out of here.
	Okay.
	But we also got a viral video at the end.
	True that.
	This is a long-ass show.
	It's long.
	Ryan, shut up.
	You don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	I don't like how wrinkly my eyes are in that.
	Can you do something in post?
	I could.
	Yeah, they do got some rinks.
	Have you seen that picture of Lawrence O'Donnell going around where he's been criticized for pushing the Russian Trump conspiracy?
	And they always make, you know, Steve Bannon and Glenn Beck and me look more sinister.
	And I think the right is starting to go, all right, you know what?
	We're doing that now.
	And it's this close-up where he's wearing his glasses.
	I don't see it there.
	I know what you're talking about.
	He looks like a dead human.
	Wait, go up a bit, maybe?
	It's this one, right?
	That's it.
	Wow.
	No, I don't even think that's it.
	It looks like dead Colin Fur.
	There's another one.
	There's a few of those around.
	He looks like one of those weird fish that live at the bottom of the ocean where there's no light.
	Why is he so pale?
	Why is he in the bottom of the ocean?
	There's no bacon there.
	There's no hot pockets.
	My Jim Gaffigan sucks too.
	Throw a hot pocket in the toilet bowl.
	Okay.
	He looks like crap in a lot of these.
	I met him.
	I know what you're talking about.
	I was having dinner with Ann Coulter at Keene's Steakhouse, and he was there.
	And Ann said, You got to get.
	Oh, there it is.
	Nice.
	There it is.
	That looks terrifying.
	Zoom in.
	Okay.
	Click on it.
	Let's get a real eye full.
	Yeah.
	Makes me feel like a gorgeous hunk.
	Colin Firth's body found in the ocean.
	Doesn't it look like a hunk?
	Lizard pays over $30 million to become human man.
	Still needs glasses to see.
	Yeah, right.
	Fails.
	All the other lizards make fun of him.
	Why did you give up your perfect visions?
	Body snatcher fail.
	Anyway, yes, she said, you should get me on your show.
	And he goes, it doesn't sell, Ann.
	The viewers don't want to see it.
	They don't want to see two sides.
	Little secret insider info about Larry.
	He might be right, though.
	Maybe my free speech business model is a bad idea.
	Luckily, it's only 10% of the show, the site, the platform, the network.
	Hey, Ryan and Gavin.
	So I fought in Afghanistan with the 45th Infantry.
	Got my combat infantryman's badge.
	Got most of my 80% of my combat wages garnished.
	I don't understand that.
	Why would they take 80% of your pay?
	Was addicted to meth and heroin.
	Oh, that's why.
	My older brother faked his deaths, and my fiancé was murdered.
	After getting out of the army after 10 years, he's got a lot of repeated words here, women in the infantry, and divorced.
	She had borderline personality disorder and was a nightmare.
	I was rudderless and a liberal.
	I was falling into the self-hatred that goes along with leftism and had legit made plans to kill myself.
	Then I saw how to be a man.
	And that's some film I did.
	I don't know how you can find it now.
	Maybe it's on Amazon.
	And as gay as it sounds, you gave me a purpose.
	I always pictured conservatives as George W. Bush and Mitt Romney, square, rich white men that are all about sending young men to war but don't give a shit about the 22 vets killing themselves daily.
	You were the first quote-unquote cool, ooh, I just gave myself douche chills, conservative I ever ran across and changed my whole perspective on what being a conservative is.
	I'm using the GI bill to go to school for filmmaking.
	Terrible idea, dude.
	And work part-time at a radio station now.
	I hope to make conservative films that aren't garbage.
	Then just make them.
	Just make little videos.
	Don't go to film school.
	You're not going to learn anything there.
	That's a total and utter waste of money.
	Schools don't know more than you.
	All you need, and cameras are cheap.
	You could maybe take like a stupid little $600 class at a community college.
	Don't go to film school.
	They just watch a bunch of movies and pontificate.
	You need a meme review.
	You did want to see our TV?
	Blah, blah, blah.
	Maybe you can riff off it.
	Glad Ryan's back, and I love you.
	New sunglasses.
	Proud of your boys.
	Your huru.
	I like you more than a friend.
	That's a nice letter.
	That's from Caleb.
	Dear Gavin, great show yesterday.
	The rapper for video brings a chill to the spine.
	He's like, yo, Pomboy looks like he wants to throw hands on me.
	He's like, I'm one wild and crazy guy.
	Yeah.
	Totally different guy.
	I said that to that Jewish photographer yesterday.
	I said, I never even knew Michael Rapidbor was Jewish.
	And she goes, oh, I knew he was Jewish.
	There's a lot of Jews with red hair.
	Oh, God.
	Yeah, I know that.
	Sorry?
	He's talking a little more about his accent.
	Right, right.
	Oh, man.
	Also, love the recent Milani episodes.
	Our gay amigo really stepped it up after that catastrophic e with Chadwick.
	The show with Luis Jess Gomez was legitimately on par with the last Chappelle special.
	Whoa.
	They stole from Owen Benjamin that much?
	Unfortunately, however, I do have to point out Ryan's ineptitude shining through once again.
	Alibaba is really not a search engine, but the Chinese equivalent to Amazon with more wholesale products.
	Yeah, who gives a shit?
	It's a serious competitor, blah, blah, blah.
	You know what?
	I'm done.
	I'm done with shitting on Ryan for today.
	Thanks, Gav.
	He's covered in poo.
	Woohoo!
	Let's watch this final video.
	It's from a show I really enjoy, and I really enjoy watching with my daughter.
	It's a good bonding show.
	That and my £650-pound life has saved my relationship with my daughter.
	No, that's DJ Khaled.
	This is my 90-day fiancé, and it is a Hispanic woman.
	She's coming from a culture where there's still testosterone and men are still men.
	And she's coming to our world where men have no nuts and it's not pretty.
	Wait, stop.
	What is that now?
	That's crazy business.
	If you told me that was a bad thing.
	I'm going to throw it 8.8.
	That's strong, and it's hard to meet.
	I don't know.
	If you zoom out a bit, you can see your feet, and even they're 8.8s.
	That is fully zoomed out.
	But you will see it.
	Are they long little French five feet?
	No, that wouldn't get you an 8.8.
	Okay.
	They're more like J-Lo feet.
	What are those?
	They're just strong.
	It's probably better if you clean everything off your eyes.
	Because it won't work.
	I see the feet.
	You see the feet.
	I see the feet.
	They're pretty nice.
	We've made them, right?
	Yeah.
	So when you finish cleaning your eyes, I need you to lay on your back and put your head back.
	So I can output.
	By the way, these are for 50-year-olds.
	It's like this collagen stuff that helps the bags in your eyes.
	It's not for gorgeous young people, and it's definitely not for 8.8s.
	It's definitely not for a guy to show a girl.
	Well, that's a doy.
	Yeah.
	This is not what I expected.
	I'm used to another kind of men.
	My ex is also different from Tim.
	Like, Latin men are always so loving and so passionate and touching and everything.
	Corny changing.
	And he's not like that.
	It's like I have a girlfriend with me because he wants to put me like these beauty teeth and all over my face.
	And it felt really strange.
	I'd like to put all over her face.
	What would that be?
	Kisses.
	Oh, that's sweet.
	To see a man like that.
	But kisses with my eyelashes.
	He made her.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	That's pretty sweet.
	I mean, maybe the chin's a little big.
	I don't know.
	This might even be in the nine zone.
	It's hard to think about this.
	Those boobs look like they might be insanely perfect, too.
	Yeah, when I see this woman and she's in my bed, my first thought is, Let's have a makeup party, let's get rid of these bags under our eyes because they're gross, right, girls?
	This is her expression to that.
	I'm gonna need to get looking for a green card and a pink dick.
	I need to fight you away.
	I need to feel endangered.
	Excuse me, why are you lying to me?
	Even if she spoke like Doctor Now, I'd be like, I'll just wear earplugs.
	Excuse me, why are you fucking me?
	I need to put my hand in my pocket and grip a switchblade to feel safe around you in order for me to like what's happening here.
	Wait, what?
	I didn't get that joke.
	She needs to have her hand in her pocket on the switchblade handle.
	Why?
	Because he's going to kill her?
	Just to be, you know, on edge.
	The point is that she's not scared of him.
	In fact, that's the problem.
	That's what she needs, is I'm saying.
	Oh, I see.
	She wants her finger on the mace button.
	Oh, I see.
	I want to be perpetually in fear of you.
	I need you to punch holes in the wall.
	Yeah.
	Gay, I don't know.
	Wait, go back.
	You missed it.
	She goes, this is how normal women from cultures that still have testosterone, this is how they feel about our men.
	This is what we're putting out there, folks.
	Over my face, and it felt really strange to me to see a man like that.
	He might be gay.
	I don't know.
	Now it's going to be cold.
	So you got to trust me, okay?
	He's doing that.
	I like how he's macho.
	Yeah, it's going to be cold.
	I don't know if you can handle this kind of cold.
	It's kind of badass cold.
	Yeah.
	But at least he'll get rid of those disgusting bags under your eyes, you old hag.
	He's got a preemie body.
	These masks are very odd, especially for a man.
	happening there?
	Is that Chaz Bono's like...
	It looks like a Team America World Police puppet.
	Yeah, it really does.
	God, he makes me feel like the Hulk.
	What's wrong with that?
	Maybe I don't need HGH after all.
	So I pretty much put this badass stuff on her face.
	I don't know.
	It's pretty unusual, but I'm doing it because I hope to get some pussy.
	That's what he says, by the way.
	Check it out.
	Oh, really?
	To wear a red shirt.
	He's a Satanist?
	A man's eyes should never go in that direction.
	He looks like a rooster.
	Yeah.
	The face masks are very odd, especially for a man to wear.
	I mean, I'm aware of that, but it was just a way to get physical with her.
	I wasn't really expecting more from it, but you never know.
	I mean, you don't know until you try.
	You didn't try, dude.
	You did not try.
	Boom.
	Yep.
	There you go.
	You look more like an age.
	Up and down, dude.
	So you wear them every day?
	Yeah, I wear them just about every day.
	that's the problem.
	Okay.
	Cause I've done cutesy things with girls like, like little, uh, you know, Right, but no, he does that.
	He's never had sex with her.
	Like, I've done a mask.
	And isn't it his fiancé?
	Isn't this show 90-day fiancé?
	Oh, snap.
	So he's, it's not like first date stuff.
	Can you just jump her bones the first night?
	And if it sucks, go, let's not waste each other's time.
	That's another thing, too, is like, I think men get a lot of signals that that's not ideal.
	Like, I don't want to feel like used, and they kind of do, though.
	But a 90-day fiancé, doesn't that mean it's guaranteed sex?
	I don't have to court you?
	Right.
	Right.
	Like, let's just jump in here.
	Yeah, and everyone who makes fun of me and tells me that I'm being like a girl, but they work.
	You actually, they work.
	You actually have a blue watch, too.
	What are you, 30?
	Yeah, but I gotta try to stay young.
	What?
	He's quite...
	Ryan.
	Yeah.
	Oh, you're 30 now, too.
	That's right.
	You better work to stay young.
	I'm trying, man.
	You don't want people to say, I Yeah, exactly.
	I was like.
	Yeah.
	And his girlfriend, too.
	He should have tried the gold bags.
	The GBs.
	Quite feminine, definitely.
	I can see that.
	I don't know.
	I just hope he is really strong in other ways.
	Because I think that he may not have that.
	Compute says no.
	Sometimes that things want.
	Yeah, it's not happening with you.
	So I kind of want to chase it and cut over me.
	You see something I see?
	What?
	Totally shaved arm fuck pits shit?
	Oh my god.
	That's just in case, you know, she wants to lick him or something.
	I'm just.
	What?
	What happened?
	her tattoo says conquistador.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Get closer.
	He's got a slight accent.
	Get closer.
	Wait, so long for this.
	The dog tags?
	He's like 1990s by show.
	He's like a crazy town man.
	I think he might be Eastern European or something.
	You think?
	Get close to me.
	Oh.
	Let me hear that.
	But that southern accent can be confusing, too.
	No, go ahead.
	We're wasting a second.
	Cut over me.
	Get closer.
	Get closer.
	I've waited so long for this.
	I cannot believe we're finally with each other.
	I cannot believe.
	It's kind of German.
	Holy shit.
	I waited so long.
	You know, when Europeans are doing American, they overdo the slang.
	I'm like, hey, man, you want to go dancing?
	A lot of IN catastrophes.
	Jiggy with it.
	Baby, it's been such a long day, and I'm so comfortable.
	Like, why don't you just stay?
	I'll behave, I promise.
	Oh, don't behave.
	I'm going to puke.
	Hey, now I'm putting my ass.
	Please turn off the lights.
	Okay.
	I can't.
	My arm.
	Your head's on my arm.
	Plus, we're on TV.
	Yeah.
	Okay, keep going.
	I haven't had sex in a long time, so I would love to have sex, but it's just not the right time.
	I'm not looking for something casual.
	Having an 8.8 bed that's your fiancé and is inner underwear, not the right time.
	Yes, the bags would go to waste.
	Maybe later.
	You have to make the bags work for you.
	Maybe after you guys write a consensual contract together.
	Bond and eventually have sex.
	It's been a long night.
	Literally Pokemon.
	It's very strange to me that he doesn't even try to kiss me.
	Or finger.
	Maybe all the drama with his ex and everything can be stopping him of doing something.
	But to win my heart, he needs to show me more because he's taking himself to the friend zone.
	The danger zone.
	I'm surprised he didn't try to like, you know, grab my butt right now.
	You know what I mean?
	Out there.
	You are getting into the friend zone.
	You need to go for it.
	We're not talking about rape, okay?
	When it's clear she's not into it, then obviously you stop, doi.
	But you need to try.
	You need to get in there.
	You need to take a risk.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.

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