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Nov. 26, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
41:08
Ep 210 | Border Chaos | Get Off My Lawn
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Time Text
Yeah, live from New York, it's Get Off High One with Kevin McGinnis.
You wake up late for school, man, you don't want to go You ask him I please, but you still said no No You bitch too, classes had no homework.
But your teacher preaches class like you're some kind of jerk.
It's funny them bitching about teachers because they all went to artsy fartsy schools where you could just do anything you wanted at all.
You would get credit for getting a mohawk.
That was Fight for Your Right to Party from the album license to Ill.
I believe it's the most successful rap album of all time.
I believe it sold 10 million copies.
I guess that's more than Eminem.
Is that right?
That can't be right.
But it was when the Beastie Boys, who were a punk band from the early 80s in the East Village, got into rap all of a sudden.
Rap blew up in the Bronx, and they said, let's stop with the punk and do the rap.
But we can still do kind of punky stuff.
And they invented party music.
And I'm bringing it up because I am reading this book right now.
And it's called Beastie Boys Book.
And I tend to glorify that era, the 80s, early 80s.
I don't want to live there.
I don't want to get mugged and have people stand over my body.
But I do like looking at pictures of it, like when The Clash played in I think it was 83.
I think everyone thinks that's the best looking New York.
So when they show that in the book, and it's mostly a picture book.
Well, no, it's about half and half.
It looks awesome.
But then you get into the 90s.
The 90s isn't as attractive.
I don't know.
Guys with blonde hair and baggy pants.
The 90s was not a good look.
But I got to say, it is so badly written.
And I've noticed this about the in crowd in New York.
They either grew up going to public schools, so complete illiteracy, or they went to artsy-fartsy schools like these three guys did, or they didn't have to learn anything.
And you're reading this, and it's funny because these guys are like the kids of doctors and stuff, so their parents had great educations.
But you're reading this, and it's just like, it reads like a really crappy high school letter.
We all have different types of friends, right?
There's the one that's kind of an ass, a-hole, but fun to be around once in a while.
New sentence, fun to get drunk and talk-ish with, comma, but you never actually call on them for physical or emotional help because they're just unreliable.
And then in brackets, and kind of an a-hole.
And then new sentence, or there's the friend you see once in a while and it's nice, and it's a nice hangout, and you're always like, I should spend more time with that person.
But for some reason, you don't.
Then there's that true friend.
It's tedious.
Be better.
Be better.
It's really hard to follow.
And that's one thing that's true.
I remember Dash Snow, God bless his cotton socks.
He was sort of another, that was sort of the early aughts wave of cool.
These guys were in the 80s wave of cool.
And he had a gang called Iraq.
And that gang just stole expensive clothes from stores.
RAC is to steal.
And I said to him, I pretended that it was about Iraq, R.A., Iraq to steal is I-R-A-K, but I pretended I thought it was R-I-R-A-Q.
And I said, so how are you feeling about the embargoes?
And he said, who are the embargoes?
But you notice that when you talk to New Yorkers, like when I used to hang out and party in the scene, they just wouldn't know anything about anything.
Like they wouldn't know what the word carpet bombing means, or they wouldn't know when World War II was.
Like they just didn't have a foundation.
So these liberal revolutionary parents and then these lazy poor parents in New York just totally obliterated education.
And so they end up just saying platitudes.
But the reason I brought them up is because back in those days when they had fight for your right to party, I was 14.
And it was just such stupid, dumb fun.
It was just idiotic partying.
Have you got that video of them partying?
This is backstage at one of their shows at the peak of their tour.
Okay, so women aren't really being abused here, right?
This is just dumb partying.
No one's getting hurt.
Everyone is having a great time.
There's no victim here.
Look, he's the wettest guy, Adam Horov.
Is it Horowitz?
And they're signing tummies.
Okay.
Now this gets a little suspect.
but this woman doesn't seem to be having a bad time.
Now this is getting into the...
That's getting into the Donald Trump joke.
But we can't really see how much her consent is.
But, oh, let me see.
Are these people having a bad time?
Is this a group of victims?
It doesn't look like it to me.
And they had songs like Girls.
Do you have that song?
I think at the end of it, it's like, girls to do the laundry, girls to do to clean up my room.
Do you think that's a serious diatribe about how women, young, and this is from a guy who's 18, is saying that women need to do his laundry and clean up his room?
It's called goofing around.
It's like when you call your friend and you say, don't be gay when you're a little kid.
These are not tomes.
They're not dictums.
This isn't written in his Bible.
But since then, play girls.
From White Castle to the Nile.
So we're not really being geographically accurate here.
This is not a serious song.
It was not a serious tour.
And then on tour, they'd have, I think they'd have like women in bikinis and high-heeled shoes and big inflatable books on the stage.
It's called joking around.
It's called being a teenager.
See, this is what really scares me about all this political correctness is you're taking fun away from lifestyle.
And you can take away my fun.
I'm old.
I just like going to old man bars.
But don't take away teenage fun.
Don't take away people pouring beer on each other and whipped clean.
Being stupid is a wonderful thing.
And it's a uniquely American thing.
Stupid fun.
Look at the jokes.
I mean, you look at British humor and it's so sophisticated.
And there's all these double entendres and stuff.
You look at British, I mean, American humor, and it's Beavis and Butthead.
We like fart jokes.
You're ruining America by turning us into Britain.
And not just any Britain, but Victorian Britain.
I remember medium, or I was looking up, because I remember they changed their mind, and they did some really cool stuff.
Like there was a rape at not Lullapalooza, but Woodstock, I think.
And it got so crazy in there, and then it wasn't the fun thing I just showed you.
It was the bad thing, which, by the way, we have laws for, and that's illegal.
And this woman got raped, and during the awards ceremony, when everyone was partying and having fun, Horowitz got up and said, we need to do something about this.
Women can't be getting raped at shows.
We're going to not play shows if this doesn't get under control.
That's a cool thing.
But then they also got into this apologizing for the past and saying, and I want to separate, by the way, the anti-rape thing with all this stuff.
That's an important distinction, and that's why we have a legal system to do that distinction.
But he said, there are no excuses for past lyrics, Adrock told Time Out New York in 1999.
But time has healed our stupidity.
No, you didn't rape anyone.
You had fun, stupid jokes.
You know one thing they did do, Rock, that no one ever talks about?
They had a chick in the band when they were a punk band.
Her name was Kate Schellenbach.
And when people see the sort of stupid youth appeal, boy appeal, to these guys, they said, we've got to do a huge tour.
We're going to set you up.
Rick Rubin's going to set you up with, what's his name at Def Jam?
Russell Simmons.
And you're going to be rich.
But you've got to lose the chick.
And they go, we can't.
We have to stand by her.
She's part of this band.
And it would have added a cool sort of a twist to all this misogyny if there was a chick there, right?
But then they saw the money and they took the pressure and they said, Kate, boom, hit the rocks.
And they kicked her on.
I think she's a lesbian.
So these guys are apologizing for a song.
Why don't you apologize for the lesbian you kicked out of the band?
Now she started her own band, Luscious Jackson, and then the Beastie Boys started a record label called Grand Royal.
And the first band they signed was Luscious Jackson.
And I can't help but think that was their way of apologizing for being lame.
There they are.
This was their big hit, Naked Eyes.
I don't hear it.
If I can't hear it, does that mean people at home can't hear it?
Okay.
Yeah, they're a very mediocre band.
Eugh.
It's funny how...
So these liberal types, right?
These academics, they have all these dumb art schools, like the schools these guys went to.
And then these guys come out without really a strong foundation of history and war and, you know, the political backgrounds of this country and the revolutions we've been through.
So it makes them more susceptible to rhetoric.
And they can say things like, you need to own your past words and black women need to, no, white women need to speak to black women and be their allies.
You know, all these platitudes about fascists always deny that they're fascists.
And you can get away with that when you didn't get a good education because you don't know about Mussolini and Stalin and Mao and Mugabe, bona fide despots.
And then I get kind of conspiratorial and think, was that the plan?
I mean, is one of the reasons they don't encourage math in school anymore so they can manipulate numbers better and say, we need more illegals.
There's not that many.
How many?
Don't worry about it.
Well, it's relevant because if there's a million, we don't have a problem here in this country.
We can take a million illegals.
If there's 30 million, we got a problem.
So what is it?
Oh, it's some fair amount.
Speaking of which, they got their photo.
The left got their photo.
It's a little late.
I think they wanted this before the midterms.
But remember I was saying they want to have a kid face down at the border, and they can call Trump a monster?
They got pretty darn close to that.
They got two kids, shoeless, and then two moms running from tear gas.
One appears about to fall.
And if you look far in the background, you see people who don't seem that panicked.
They seem just to be hanging out.
I see one taking a selfie.
So the reaction to this, of course, has been insanity.
And let me be perfectly clear.
This is horrible.
It is horrible seeing kids in peril.
But who is responsible?
Who brings little toddlers with no shoes to a border crossing?
Getting to a border is a nightmare.
They're near Tijuana.
It's about, I think it's about a mile from the border.
Walking through that unbearable heat and you're going to a police standoff and you brought your little kid.
Why can't you go first and then call for the kids later?
Can't the kids stay with Nona or something?
And weren't these people offered asylum in every country along the way up?
But they said, no, thanks, we're going for the big guns.
This doesn't sound like refugees.
This sounds like a photo op.
And the gullibility on the left is just amazing.
Check out this guy's.
I was just walking around Twitter, checking out timelines.
Check out this guy's timeline.
What's his name?
What's his name, Ryan?
Guthrie Fitzsimmons.
His whole feed is just pure AIDS.
It is.
And it just, I don't know, I don't know why I torture myself watching these people talk, but look at some of his tweets.
Just go through any of them.
What does it say there?
The hottest Cyber Monday deal is calling Congress and telling him to stop Trump's madness at the border.
What?
This is what I don't get.
What was he supposed to do?
You described the scenario to me.
How is this supposed to work when 500 people show up at any border in the world?
You just let them all in?
No one does that.
Obviously, anyway, we'll talk about that later.
I've got an interview with Anna Paulina and I want to save some questions for her.
There's another one now.
I've been to the border with my church youth group mission trip, staffing Catholic border mass and with Southern blah, blah, blah.
Every time, I'm cut off there.
Go higher?
Every time I left in awe of people who journeyed to America to contribute to our country.
The rhetoric is stultifying.
It really is.
Just take a step back from it all, folks.
Every country has borders.
When you have a country with wealth, other people want to get in.
The reason you have borders is because you have to draw the line somewhere.
If 30 million illegals is not where you draw the line, then you tell me when.
50 million, 60 million?
If you let people in with an open border, aren't you going to get more?
When you reward behavior, don't you get more of that behavior?
I mean, I keep repeating this, but I don't get the left's version of events.
Do you have that Breitbart one?
Celebrities freaking out?
Is this the right, have I got the right notes?
This seems a little short.
Yeah, yeah, let's look at some of these.
Uh-oh.
Amy Schumer is pissed.
Oh, God, it's just so insincere.
Keep going down.
Oh, Alyssa Milanos.
I mean, we can't say it on the show.
You tear gassed women and children, ass wipe, and on Thanksgiving weekend, like Mexicans care if it's Thanksgiving, you piece of ished, a-hole, mother-effing, evil creature person.
That's got 54,000 likes.
Or here's another good one.
Keep going down.
Sarah Silverman had a great reaction.
If human empathy isn't your jam, how about this?
You will be the stranger in desperate need someday.
How do you hope to be treated when it's you who is in an emergency situation and instead of aid, you are punished for not following official protocol?
If I'm in a war-torn country, I'm going to take, and I'm a refugee, I'm going to take the first country that offers me asylum.
I'm going to make sure my children are protected as much as possible from the combat element to this.
If I'm going to sneak in somewhere and break the law, I'm going to be free of babies.
Remember, there was a baby recently, one of these illegals who died of emphysema or something because she got sick, and they were suing ICE, suing America.
And you think, you brought it, and the baby was weeks old.
You know, newborn babies, you don't really leave the house with them.
I took my three-week-old, when she was three weeks old, my eldest daughter, I took her out for a walk in like December, and it was cold, and I had her all bundled up, of course.
And I would wear on a baby Bjorn and then have my jacket zipped up, and she'd have just maybe her eyes, just to get some fresh air.
And I got chastised by these old ladies for daring to take out a baby in that weather.
That's the way most people see babies in danger.
But this, they look like they're going to the beach.
What are you doing?
Why are they at that border chaos?
Anyway, I want to...
Oh, what did Rosie say?
Pure horror.
How the hell did we get here?
I know, with him.
Just sickening.
Remove Trump.
By the way, this is all the same stuff Obama did.
He didn't seem to mind back then when he deported way more than Trump.
I think illegal border crossing has gone down recently.
And it's probably going to, because the economy wasn't doing well.
But now that the economy is doing well, it's probably going to start going up.
And the whole reason he was elected is because Americans in general wanted better borders.
And they got them.
Albert Einstein was a refugee.
Yeah, and he went through the paperwork.
He did all his stuff.
There wasn't 500 Albert Einsteins.
Actually, didn't we turn away a big boat of Jews who were escaping World War II?
Anyway, let's talk to Anna Paulina about this.
Oh, before we do, you got to see this.
You got to see this.
I think she's in trouble because she was on Fox and she called Hillary Clinton herpes.
Have we got that clip?
I'm all for starting a Clinton investigation.
I'm just amazed that with everything going on in the world, we still have Hillary Clinton in the headlines.
Well, she's cute.
She walked away.
She likes herpes.
Okay.
That's news that we're breaking here.
Not appropriate.
Can we talk about the mortar then?
We're going to wrap this segment a little early, Doug, because of some of the language that was used in this segment, and we apologize to our viewers for that.
I have one last question for you, Doug.
Where are you going to be spending this Thanksgiving?
I'm going to be with my 92-year-old mother and family.
And Rick, I do wish to all viewers, certainly to you and to Anna, a very good holiday.
We want to reiterate that we do not condone the language that Anna Paulina just displayed here.
And we apologize to Secretary Clinton for that.
Fox News does not condone her sentiments.
and we...
It's Thanksgiving, guys.
Lighten up.
Come on.
Isn't she?
Hillary?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She certainly is.
Pops, clean, smoking, man.
He says no way.
Music Anna, are you there?
I am.
How are you doing?
I'm great.
You're looking wonderful as usual.
We were just watching you on Fox News describe Hillary Clinton as an STD.
So it probably was not the time or the place to make that brash joke, but I am a biology student and I more or less rent a cold sore.
I think, you know, with my experience with media, which has been about zero, as you know, oh, I just got out of the military about like four months ago.
So and there's some issues too.
Like in this, not only was I on the wrong segment, but there's issues making producers from where I was filming.
Don't apologize to me.
I thought it was hilarious.
Don't backpedal.
I think I've used that exact same analogy on Red Eye when I was on Fox News.
I actually think you stole that from me.
Well, what I meant was that the Clinton dynasty's been around for so long.
Americans are tired of it.
Let's move on.
Let's actually appreciate what this president is doing.
And there's bigger fish to fry.
Probably not the terror of the place.
So I would make that joke.
Well, I'm glad you brought up what's really important here in this caravan.
Remember two weeks ago where Nancy Pelosi and everyone was laughing at conservatives and saying, it's a thousand miles away.
They're never going to get here.
And they're here.
And I don't see a lot of apologies from them.
I think right now, too, what's happening is they're down there with their cameras and they're saying, look, Trump hates Hispanics.
He hates immigrants.
Oh, look, he tear gassed them.
Look at what Alyssa Milano just said about the president, tear gassing and using, I don't know, probably the most grotesque profanity I've ever heard referring to the president.
Yeah, good point.
And she doesn't even know what's happening, right?
You don't see her reading the 2018 human trafficking report.
But yeah, there's no apologies.
They don't have any solutions for it.
And yet they're sitting here deepuising the president, even though he literally did something called a warning shot.
So I'd say for the last weeks, he's been saying, don't come to the border.
You won't get in.
We're going to use force.
They come to the border anyways.
And now he's one of the people.
Well, you look at the cover of the New York Post, and you see that woman with her two toddlers.
And it reminds me of Pollywood, you know, in Israel where they have the Palestinian throwing the rock with the flag.
And it just, it all looks so contrived.
I can't help but suspect that this has been a setup since the very beginning.
They were doing all of this, all of those weeks, for that money shot.
And I would go even further.
I think it's conceivable that they wanted this to happen before the midterms.
They wanted that picture before the midterms, but they couldn't get it together.
Absolutely.
I was just on with Bill O'Reilly when we were talking about the organization that was behind it, right?
Pebbles and Frontiers talking about how they had donations that they're orchestrating this stuff.
And by the way, I will add, if you spin to other people in the background of that photo, you're going to see them taking selfies.
So if you're really a refugee and you're really back, why are you sitting there selfieing it?
Like, what is this?
It is orchestrated.
It is to make, again, Hispanic single-issue votes.
And I think you and I had this very discussion when I first came along with you, that they were going to use this for political propaganda, and that's all that is.
If you turn down asylum in Mexico, turn down asylum from other UN nations, you're not an immigrant.
You're not a refugee.
You just want to cut the line.
Yeah.
Well, the other thing I don't understand about all this hysteria from the left is, okay, what's your scenario?
So they get there, we give them blankets and Gatorade, and we take them to a nice place and then help them get citizenship.
Is that what we do to 500 people?
Okay, don't you see now that there's going to be another 500 wanting to do the same?
And if you keep doing that, you don't have a border.
And if you don't have a border, you don't have a country.
I don't get their scenario.
I think this is, again, an agenda for open borders.
Obviously, here in the United States, we are proud nationalists.
That does not make you racist.
I think that I have talked to many people.
By the way, I will say that there were Mexicans protesting this as well because they don't agree what's happening in Mexico, right?
Mexico, right?
They're saying, viva México.
Well, vivas dados unidos.
Like, we don't need to be here making sure that these people come in and are cutting the line.
What they then do is they go into the welfare programs here in the United States.
And I think it was pewhispanic.org that said that not only are Mexican Americans the largest voting demographic, but first-generation Mexicans that don't really know English vote Democrat.
So do you see that this situation is creating basically a guaranteed vote?
I mean, you see what happened in Texas with Beth, though.
Could you imagine if those were where they had resettlements?
They would have flipped Texas right away.
Yep, there's no denying that this is definitely about votes.
The only thing that comes into question is how Machiavellian it was from the beginning.
What percentage of it was grassroots and what percentage of it was let's get optics so we can get votes.
And I'm thinking it's 100% the latter at this point.
It's 100% optics.
If they cared about these people, these organizations would have gone and created work programs so that these people never had to leave their country.
They never had to be exploited to some of the most dangerous territories in the world, which is the U.S.-Mexico border.
They don't care about these peoples.
I'll say it time and time again.
But if they did, they would have done a lot of stuff different.
And they would be acknowledging the fact that multiple presidents, whether they were Democrat or Republican, to include Obama, enforced the very same immigration policy.
Yeah, too true.
Anna, you've nailed it once again.
Thanks for coming on the show.
Thanks.
We salute you.
Thank you for your service.
What do you think of that?
Pardon me?
That looks stupid.
But like really.
You know what you look like?
You look like a Sentinelese tribesman.
Interesting.
Yeah, you know those guys?
They are the most untouched tribe in the entire world.
Oh, I think I might have seen something on the map.
Look up Sentinel.
Sentinel.
Or Sentinelese tribe.
There's India, and then there's Southeast Asia, and there's nothing and nothing, and then there's this little dot in the middle where these guys live, and I don't know how they survive.
We don't know how many there are.
Every time anyone goes remotely near them, they get stabbed with arrows.
Oh, yeah.
Are you...
No, that's the guy who was killed.
That's what's his name?
Alan John Chow.
John Alan Chow.
The camera's been on me the whole time, huh?
Yeah, I wondered why you were doing that.
The Sentinelese tribe, they look to be black.
I know, I just needed a segue.
I should have said you look like John Alan Chow, but that wouldn't make sense with the hair.
But you did sort of look like a tribes person.
I look just like this guy that you were talking about.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, he's half Asian.
You're half Asian.
But try to find on a map where that tribe is.
Okay.
When you're naked, I...
And so the Indian government's made it illegal for you to contact this tribe because they're scared they're going to get wiped out by any.
They probably don't have an immunity to anything.
They've never had the measles.
They've never had a cold.
They're probably not even immune to me having a tattoo.
They would instantly get covered in tattoos.
They're very, very vulnerable.
Oh, here we go.
Yeah.
Can you get more remote than that?
Oh, it's between India and wherever that other thing is.
Thailand, whatever?
Cambodian?
But it's owned by India, and the Indian government has said it's illegal for you to contact these people.
You're going to wipe them out.
But this guy, John Chow, I don't want to denigrate Christians, but what are you doing?
As my wife said, aren't there people in Baltimore who could do with some more Christianity?
Can't we talk to some atheists here?
Can't we help some poor un-Christian types here and get them on board with God?
Wouldn't that be a better use of your time?
The New York Times says, when Indian police officers in a small boat pulled within sight of...
So did I make it clear what happened here?
I assume you know by now.
What are you doing?
Oh, I see.
I look just like him.
Do it again?
It's actually creepy.
You've got more cartoony features than him.
Yes.
He's a little sharper.
So they think that he's there.
So he goes there on the beach.
They kill him.
And I've heard of this happening before with some fishermen.
They buried them in the sand.
So I guess they're not cannibals.
Probably can't afford to be cannibals when there's 30 of you.
And some helicopters came down to find the fishermen, and the blades pushed the sand away, and they saw the bodies.
So I think they were hoping for something similar with this guy, because he went over there, offered them presents on a boat.
He had the football and stuff.
Hey, thanks for the football.
We'll now play a football game.
What?
And then they chased him with arrows, and then he went back again.
He broke the law twice, trying to bring these guys Christianity.
Why?
Why, why, why?
So they were just today, they had to pull back.
When Indian police officers in a small boat pulled within sight of the remote island, they saw something strange.
A group of islanders were huddled on the beach, carrying bows, arrows, and spears.
They appeared to be guarding something.
Police officials said it could have been the body of John Alan Chow, the 26-year-old American missionary, was killed last week as he tried to spread Christianity to North Sentinel, a forbidden island in the Andaman Sea.
um...
What do you guys think?
Can I...
Is Christianity for everyone?
I mean, I guess Christians say you're going to hell if you don't accept Christ as your personal Savior.
But we've got 7 billion people here, only probably...
How many Christians are there in the world?
Look that up.
What do you guess first?
How many Christians in the world?
I'd say 2 to 5 billion.
Wow.
See what happens with this New York education?
5 billion Christians.
Out of 7 billion people, 5 billion of people.
I give myself a wide gate.
It's 2.18 billion Christians.
2.8?
2.18.
2.18, yeah.
You don't say 2.18.
You say 2.18.
What school did you...
Was it Sentinel, dude?
Was it made of paper?
Were your teachers cutouts?
Was it just a tape recorder saying things?
They were just trying to...
It was like just babysitting school.
Yeah.
Don't throw stuff.
I know a teacher who taught there.
She said, the first row is just two, there's two people in the front, very front, with dads, by the way.
Crucial detail.
Who are listening to me and want to learn.
And they're going to get in big trouble if they don't get good grades.
Then the rest are just sort of staring off into space.
The next two rows are just people talking like they're at a coffee shop.
Just like, yeah, well, I don't think that Jen even understands what she's getting into with him because he's not a reliable dude.
Yeah, not even mischievous.
Just like, there's nothing happening here that deserves my attention.
And you can't discipline them or you get in trouble because it shows up on all the data and the school gets a bad rep. So even if there's a fist fight, she said one day there was a fight where this black girl took this other black girl and she threw her against this wall that had a steel gate.
No, I think it was a Muslim girl.
I think it was a black girl who took a Muslim girl, threw her behind this thing.
They had a steel gate within the class that I guess has all the expensive stuff, and then you lock it at the end of the night, like with a big lock.
It's a steel gate within your classroom.
And she throws her in there and then locks it.
And the poor Muslim girl's having a panic attack, stuck in this steel thing, banging on it.
So the teacher called security, and she got in big trouble for calling security.
Should have just handled that yourself.
So anyway, that's the next two rows.
And then the last row, or the rest of the class, is just guys like try and fight moves.
Oh, psh, psh.
No, you do that, I would block, and I'd get you in the ribs.
Body ball, body ball.
Oh, yeah, try it.
Ooh, oh, yeah, ooh.
Just like you were at a kung fu class and there was some downtime.
My teachers used to sit on me.
Really?
They sit on, yeah, after.
You should take off that hat.
You look like you're in the witness protection program.
Yeah, it does look silly.
They used to, if you were misbehaved, they would take you in the back room and they would sit on you until you behaved.
Miss Samuels and Miss Marshall.
But they're very nice ladies.
Were they fat?
Yeah, they were fat black ladies and they were awesome.
And I don't understand how.
Would you be on your stomach?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, they would just sit on you to try to restrain you.
But I would never tinch them out.
So I was like, I don't understand.
But I think they were like, well, if we just sat on that kid, we're going to have to sit on you, too.
So you're lying face down?
Yeah.
On your stomach?
Yeah, yeah, face down, yeah.
Face down on your stomach.
And they tell you to go lie on the floor.
No, there was a bed in the back room where they keep all the prizes.
They keeped all the prizes there?
They keeped them all.
Okay.
Is that where they keep the dictionaries, too?
Obviously not, because I spent a lot of time there.
No, I think they keep them there, and they never got out of that room, unfortunately.
dusting off the old words.
They got allergies from all the...
So you go there, they say, hey, Ryan, you're bad.
Lie on the floor.
And you lie there.
No, sir.
You go to a bed.
There's a bed in the classroom.
You got a bed behind.
Yeah, there's a classroom, and then right behind it, a separate room in there with a bed.
It was dark, no lights.
And then there was like a drawer there and some other shelves with books.
And they also kept, sometimes I would misbehave on purpose, kind of, to go back there because they left the prize drawer unlocked.
So there'd be like rubber snakes and stuff like that.
And I'd get a bunch of them.
And I'd show my friends and be like, look what I got.
Oh, you'd steal the prizes.
Oh, yeah.
You wouldn't keep them in the drawer.
No, I would take some of those rubber snakes and frogs.
I'd be like, hey, guys.
The Bronx sounds like a really good place to get an education, doesn't it?
Doesn't it?
This one time I blocked somebody in friggin tic-tac-toe, and he said I was cheating.
I was like, dude, that's how you play the game.
you block a move.
And then also, somebody didn't know the concept of...
So your friend in the Bronx didn't understand tic-tac-toe.
Did you know that it's a regular thing in county fairs to play tic-tac-toe with a chicken?
So what you're saying is even they get the concept of generating students in the Bronx who are sub-chicken.
They're below parsing.
And this teacher, by the way, friend of mine, I said, well, clearly the solution is charter schools.
And she goes, oh, hell no, not charter schools.
Okay, well, let's stick with your system of fight club, cafe, two people interested.
That's got a bright future.
People come out of there saying, keeped.
Roseanne, here's another story.
Did you hear about Roseanne?
No.
Weirdest thing ever.
So Lee Stranahan, I think he was a Breitbart guy.
I'm not sure.
I think he does his own thing now.
I'm not positive.
Interesting dude.
Smart guy.
He does these periscopes.
So he's doing a live periscope.
he gets a call um he gets He gets a call from Roseanne, and it shows up on his phone, Roseanne.
He has her number.
He's spoken to her a few times.
She likes his politics.
And the guy starts talking about a message that Lee had left on Roseanne's phone, and he says he's Roseanne's assistant.
So that gives him credibility, and he's obviously heard Roseanne's messages.
And then he says, Roseanne Barr just had a heart attack.
She's dying.
And then she says, I'm the victim of a prank.
Now, it was all done live, so Lee couldn't stop it.
He couldn't say, I don't know if she's having a heart attack.
I don't know if this is true.
He didn't have time to verify it.
It was live.
But this might be a call from Roseanne.
I don't know.
I'm going to turn my phone off.
Sorry.
And then she tweets out this picture of her, a funny picture where she's wearing a sexy t-shirt.
Can you show that?
I think it's down a little farther.
What are you doing?
Yeah, that's...
And I think she's had a lot of plastic surgery.
I like to criticize plastic surgery, but the times that it works, you don't notice.
We just see the plastic surgery disasters.
So she's fine.
But what happened?
And who were they out to get?
Lee Stranahan or Roseanne Barr?
Are they trying to discredit him and make him a fool?
And here's my third question that no one seems to be able to answer.
Can you hack a phone?
Like, he saw the voice ID.
So can you call someone from someone else's phone?
I don't think that's possible.
And he did also get into the phone messages.
So it sounds like there was some...
It was her assistant saying a heart attack.
That went out live.
I don't know her status.
Right.
So that was before she said, I'm fine.
You know what this might be?
This might be some drunk stoned friend at her house who thought this would be a good idea because he was super high on pot.
And then after he did that, he went, what?
Why did I do that?
That was idiotic.
How are we doing for time here?
It's been about 35 minutes.
Hello?
Are you not paying attention?
You're not watching the show?
I just wanted to see what the What you would just see if you look at him is someone saying the same story, but with twice the forehead.
He makes that joke all the time.
What he gains in forehead, you lack in chin.
Yeah, if Lee Strandhan and I had a baby, it would have a normal-sized forehead and a normal-sized chin.
That's right.
That's it right at time, folks.
But I just do want to say that I think what happened with Roseanne is one of the most disgusting examples of political correctness gone mad I've ever seen.
She was not making an ape joke, and you know that.
But you just kicked Roseanne off her own show, and now there's a show I keep seeing when I'm in bars, because American bars are flooded with goddamn televisions.
I see the Connors.
And I guarantee you, the Connors is going to have the worst ratings ever, and the network is never going to drop it.
Those people have guaranteed jobs for life because they would lose too much face to drop the Connors.
So it's just going to go on and on.
I heard that TBS does that with some shows like Conan or Samantha B. They just go, we're a comedy network.
I don't care about ratings.
This show is going on forever, no matter who watches it.
And no, that wasn't a low-angled Zeke Heil.
You know, I heard the same thing for Louis C.K. once said that about like Sunglass Hut and like these stores.
They make no money.
They're like negative profit.
But it's just a living billboard.
It's like a billboard you could walk in there and kind of buy stuff sometimes.
Like a lot of these companies have just fronts, basically.
They exist in a place.
Yeah, let's look that up.
Again, I want to reiterate on this show.
Never get any news from Ryan.
Ever.
When I say these items, I've looked them up.
That's why they're on paper here.
When Ryan has a theory about sunglasses hut, totally ignore it until we get back to you.
It might be true, but we have no idea.
He's not a news source.
All right, we're out of time.
Let's end with a good water fight.
This is a drunk guy, short drunk guy.
Now, you've got to watch out with the shorties.
They will put your tooth through your lip.
They've been in some brawls.
This is a video with a short guy who thinks the tall guy has his bottle, his Mickey of whiskey, but it's in his pocket.
He neglected to check his own wares.
So he's gonna throw down.
I don't hear anything.
What's going on, dude?
Oh, this is the thing guys do when they're fighting.
They're trying to find the perfect time to do a knockout.
So I'll pretend that everything's cool.
And I'm just...
And then he picks up his body and they both go into the water.
Oh.
You know, it's really dangerous to fight in the water.
Because what if you knock him out?
And then he falls backwards and starts inhaling water.
Misses him.
He goes down.
No need for a rock.
Notice how perceptive we are when our lives are in danger.
All of a sudden, he's got spidey senses.
Perfect English.
Yeah, this is going to hurt.
Oh.
Oh.
He's like, are you serious?
Well, yeah, we're fighting.
Oh.
See, this is where I'd be worried about him.
Like, what if he's concussed and he goes into the water now?
And look, he's trying to help him.
Dude, you're wasted.
Here.
Nobody helps getting out of water.
Look in your pocket.
And then it keeps going.
Oh, jeez.
That is perfect.
If some drunk guy comes up to you with a bottle in his pocket accusing you of stealing his bottle, don't drown him.
Don't punch him so he passes out in the water.
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