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Oct. 30, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
38:43
Get Off My Lawn Podcast #93 | What’s going on with sex these days?

I'm out of the loop but what's going on with messing around these days? Are tits still a thing? I've been out of the loop for a while but I'm worried porn and divorce has ruined sex for young people. That sucks because done right, it's pretty fun. Slut walks are sad. 

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What's going on with sex these days?
What's it like?
I mean, I know what sex is like.
I'm not going to talk about the sex I have with my wife.
Suffice to say, the trope about how, why would you want to have a cheeseburger every night for the rest of your life when you could have different food every night?
That's the sort of bachelor's retort against marriage.
It's not like that.
Tom Shalhoub summed it up well.
He goes, it's not fucking cheeseburger.
It's the same kitchen every night.
So you look at the kitchen and you stroke your beer and you go, what about a prosciutto tonight?
Not even a meal, just an appetizer.
That kind of thing.
So, single people try to tell you sex with marriage is mundane.
That's a lie.
Also, another lie about marriage sex is that it's, you get lesbian bed death, LBD, as soon as you're married.
That's true when you have kids, simply because you can't facilitate it because there's a bunch of toddlers in your bed.
You gotta follow the dad on Instagram, by the way, because he has a great parody of paranormal activity, but it's not about a monster or a ghost coming into your room at night, it's your four-year-old.
And then once the kids get older and get independent and sort of leave you alone, the sex goes back up again.
It's like my friend Fred from Brooklyn said, he goes, Been married 40 years.
I'd love to eat her out right now.
That was at an Anthony Cumia party, and she was like 10 feet away.
And she looked great.
I don't know how old she is.
Well, if he said 40 years, she can't be, she must be around 60.
Maybe he said 30 years?
Anyway, it was a big number.
And you know, she kept herself pretty and still wore high heels and all that stuff.
I'm making her sound super old, fuck.
Every time you try to compliment a woman, you dig a deeper hole.
Like, "I think you look great.
I love kind of plump." Not that you're plump, you're skinny.
I don't like skinny.
I hate skinny, but you're not.
I like a fat ass, but you don't have a fat ass.
One time I did this documentary called A Million in the Morning, and it was about the movie watching World Championships.
I don't know if it's available anywhere, like most of my movies, but we sat with people while they watched movies for five days, I think, is the world record.
And it was really hard to do because They're just watching a movie.
They can't talk to you.
If they look away from the movie, they lose the competition.
So it was mostly just me ranting.
And yeah, I did have a couple of drinks during that documentary.
It was five days in Times Square.
It was very enlightening, though.
Times Square is a fucking hellhole at night.
It's tourism.
You can walk around made of money.
You can glue money all over your body and walk around Times Square at noon and it's like you're in Disneyland.
Literally like you're in Disneyland.
But at two in the morning it is the the freaks come out at night.
It's just bombs.
Zombies walk in the streets.
It's fucking creepy, man.
I don't think it's as dangerous per se as it was in, you know, the classic 80s New York.
But it's just sad and decrepit.
But anyway, one of the women was a slightly chunky lady.
And everyone loses their mind when they don't sleep.
And she fucking... We were close.
We were joking around.
And she lost it at the very end of the movie.
And all my flirtations, my jokey flirtations, like, we should get married or something like that, became sarcastic in her mind.
And I was mocking her.
And so, after three days of getting along with her great, she sort of rewrote the whole three days, and it was all a big, you know, sarcastic joke.
And I was actually mocking her, and this whole documentary was about her being a big fat pig.
So I said, um... Uh-oh.
Got something going on downstairs.
Dogs make good alarms, I gotta say.
I know he's pretty worthless, but... And it's always the post office.
Postman.
He's obsessed with the postman.
That trope is accurate.
Not even like UPS.
FedEx he doesn't mind.
Post- I don't know.
What are you supposed to call them now?
Postal workers?
Postal workers?
Bad news.
Anyway.
While she was crying, I said, I don't- I think you have this all wrong.
I said, you should see my wife.
And I implied that my wife was as big as her, which is, I think she was like 250 pounds.
So I lied.
And I said, my wife is, whatever the politically correct term is, like, heavyset.
And that totally diffused it instantly and like she sort of shook it off and was normal after that.
But again, you're just walking on eggshells with women, especially when they're drunk.
But that's not what I want to talk about.
So yeah, sex with marriage is fine.
Shut the fuck up.
It's none of your beeswax.
And shut the fuck up, Leroy.
He's still barking.
They're gone.
This is like post-bark?
You're mad that someone from the post office has ever been here?
I was talking to a friend of mine's sister and uh she told me that I'm giving you this news source so you know that you don't necessarily have to take it to the bank but she told me there's a thing with millennial women now where they have a real problem with distended anuses like anal whatever you call it like when your anal anus is destroyed I bet old gays get it but young girls are getting it because sex with millennials now is straight to porn
And that's pretty sad.
Sex should be pretty normal.
It should be kind of uncool until you're 25.
Sex should be, say you're 15, 16, and you're sort of sitting on the floor.
I remember there was, when we were teenagers, maybe 14, we heard that this guy, Trevor, in our school, he sat on a basement floor with his girlfriend, and they took their shirts off, and they just sort of touched each other, touched each other's areas, not in a passionate way, just sort of almost like a curious way.
And we all thought that was so funny and ha ha ha, what a loser.
And I look back at it now and I think, how sweet.
How innocent, how pure.
That, you know, there was no teen pregnancy going on in that scenario.
It was just two people who had attractions to each other, carefully moving forward.
That's what sex should be.
And ladies, being a whore, having a slut walk, that's not good for you.
You don't understand that the whole, like, I'm a slut, I'm empowered.
Don't you see that that only benefits men?
There's this myth that women love being sluts.
Yeah, I'm a total slut.
I was so wasted.
I fucked that dude.
Nah.
I would argue that none of us are like that.
Even dudes, I mean, outside of rock stars or whatever, but even dudes who are fucking lots of chicks, I think even that night as they crawl into bed, they're sort of thinking, this could be something serious.
This could go places.
She could be the one.
You never know.
What about guys who fuck prostitutes?
Yeah, that's a strong point.
I don't quite get that.
Because when you have sex with a prostitute, all deals are off the table.
Like even strippers, I've known a few guys that fell in love with strippers and it actually worked and some of them got married.
There's hope there.
Like this is just an adult dancer.
I actually did another podcast where I said it's kind of not even wrong.
It's kind of beautiful in a way.
I know it sounds just like prostitution to you, but I think I could make a good case that they're very different things.
Prostitution is sad and disgusting and you're taking the most sacred thing you have and just monetizing it.
And that's all a woman, I shouldn't say that's all a woman has, but it's a woman's most sacred treasure.
The dude, it's not quite as sacred.
But to sell that is just like, that's the end of the line.
You know, that's like a minstrel show.
That's like a black guy going, oh well.
No one seems to want me to do anything else.
I guess I'll put on big white lips and some white gloves and go, hello my baby!
You know what that reminded me of?
I was in Taiwan, and I went to some water show where they had like an orca whale or something.
I had one family I was teaching and we got along great, even though their English sucked shit, thanks to me being a crappy teacher.
But we'd go on things together, and you know, mime and stuff.
I want shoujin choufan.
They took me to one thing where it was two dogs and and they were it was a statue two porcelain black porcelain dogs side by side and they were on a beach by the water and everyone was praying to them and touching them and trying to be part of them and I said what's what were these dogs and they said it was two dogs The sailors went out on a fishing boat around here.
We're in like Kaohsiung, I guess.
Which I guess is south bottom of Taiwan?
I forget.
The cities in Taiwan are fucking disgusting.
They're just Chinese like every other Chinese city.
It's just soot and people crammed together, but rural Taiwan is breathtaking.
So this was pretty rural.
They said that the dogs were waiting for the fishing boat, but the fishing boat, uh, capsized.
I was gonna say drowned.
Something about these podcasts, like, you're smarter in other ways, and you'll come up with words that you hadn't said in a while, like pulchritudinous, but then also, at the same time, there's a hole in your brain where you won't remember your dad's name.
Jordan McInnes?
What's my dad's name?
And I just forgot the word for when a boat sinks.
Anyway, it's sinkted.
And, um, the dogs stayed on the beach until they died of starvation.
And so there's a beautiful statue to them.
By the way, I want you to, as you get older, you should always have in the back of your head, that could be bullshit.
Not that I'm lying now, I'm telling you 100% the truth.
But it could be bullshit about those dogs.
Those dogs could have, like, had mange.
I know there's a dog in Scotland where they say it's a famous pub.
I think it's in Glasgow?
Maybe Edinburgh.
Where the owner was sick and died and the dog stayed outside the pub until it died of starvation.
They made a statue of it and it's a big tourist attraction.
Everyone goes to that pub.
It's all a lie.
Scottish people are like the Irish.
They love to fucking pump up a story.
The dog did not wait there till it died.
So maybe that's where my...
My, um, skepticism comes from.
But every time you hear something that seems awesome and too perfect, just go, or possibly that's all bullshit.
Anyway, um, they're all rubbing it and praying it, praying on it and stuff.
And I said to my hosts, what are they saying?
Because I don't speak Mandarin.
And he said, uh, they're all asking for stuff.
They want, this guy wants a Mercedes Benz.
This guy wants a dryer.
So it was basically that Oprah thing, the, the secret, you know, where you go, I want a Mercedes Benz.
I want a Mercedes Benz.
You think about it nonstop and eventually you get a Mercedes Benz.
I think there's some truth to both of those, and I think they're both linked to Christianity.
Like when you pray that your friend doesn't go to prison, and you pray and you pray and you pray to God, I could almost make an atheist argument for the effectiveness of that.
Because it puts it in your frontal lobe.
And you're thinking about it more.
And you're like, well, who's his lawyer?
And then you think, can he afford a lawyer?
I gotta get him some money for a lawyer.
And then, is this lawyer incompetent?
Maybe we should fire this lawyer.
Praying puts your problem in your frontal lobe.
It also sort of prioritizes what you want.
So say you're shallow and you just want a Mercedes Benz.
You don't give a shit about anyone going to prison.
Okay.
I mean, the reason Mercedes-Benz exists is because it's an acquirable goal.
There's not a lot of $50 million yachts.
In fact, I think Robin Williams had a lot of trouble selling his $100 million ranch because no one has $100 million.
But a Mercedes you can afford.
So it's believable.
Anyway, Jesus.
Tangent police.
So we go back to the water park and there's a black dude there.
And he's American.
And he was doing this sort of like the...
The, um, orca whale, whatever, would come out of the water, the killer whale, and they'd feed it fish and stuff, and you could stand on its nose, and then you could do a flip and all that stuff, so they had all the Chinese guys doing regular stuff, but there was this patsy, this fall guy, and it was an American black dude, and he was, like, slippin' on banana peels, and he fell in the water, and I'm a dumb black dude!
And, um, Um, he was being a buffoon.
And, to be honest, at 48 today, I think I would just see him and go, whatever dude, you're paying the bills.
None of my beeswax.
We're in Taiwan.
It's not like you're hurting black people with these stereotypes.
Enjoy yourself.
Want to go get a beer?
I'd like to speak English for a change.
Or speak English without having to mime.
But, I was politically correct back then.
I was probably 20.
And, uh, I sort of had this shame.
How fucking shitty of me, by the way.
This guy's out there making a buck.
And I give him this look, which was like, what have you done?
I'm basically Sean King.
Like, yo, man, you let us brothers down, dawg.
Yo, what's up with that?
Amos and Andy shit, y'all.
I'm from Canada and Britain.
Yo, dawg, why you gotta act like a clown around them fishes, yo?
What you done to us, us peoples?
So I gave him this look and we met and I went, hey man, and he was obviously ashamed because he's aware of the trope, right?
So he's like, hey, uh, hi.
He should have punched me in the face.
You know another time?
I did that to a black man and he did punch me in the face.
This is how politically correct I was when I was 18.
Punk rocker at a punk bar, punk club called Fufun Electric, which means electric asshole.
It was in Montreal and it was like Studio 54, but punk.
So it was two floors, and there was barbed wire everywhere, and fucking cages, and punk rockers.
It was kind of like Disney punk.
It was a punk club.
People would dance.
They'd slam dance on the dance floor.
It's why I moved to Montreal, actually.
I moved to the house at 18.
I heard about a punk club in Montreal, and I was like, I need to be by the punk club.
So I went there.
And, you know, it's...
Hello?
It's a politically correct time.
Uh, we're talking about 1988 now.
It's the beginning of it all.
Really, it's when all this, like, you-can't-say-that shit started.
It died in the early 90s and then came back in the late 90s, but right in, like, 87 to 90, it was a big deal.
So anyway, this band was playing 24-7 Spies.
They're kinda good.
And this was a weird sort of Red Hot Chili Peppers time.
Well, it's weird to say Red Hot Chili Peppers because they've never stopped, but it was like a funk punk That's kind of getting into that.
Yeah, 24/7 Spies.
Yeah, whoa, fishbone.
I was kind of getting into that.
I'm going to become an acapella funk punk.
What happened to Gavin McInnes?
Oh, I'm a good guy.
Oh, it's weird, dude.
He was getting hassled for being right-wing and shit, and he just quit his job.
He, uh, dyed his hair blonde, uh, shaved his beard, and he became an acapella funk punk.
And, uh, he's not very good.
So he does these shows, and he'll get paid, like, 80 bucks.
His wife, she doesn't really hang out with him anymore.
I mean, they're not divorced, but it's pretty sad, dude.
And some people go to his shows where he does this acapella funk punk.
I don't even want to tell you this, but they throw shit at him.
And he just keeps doing it.
I saw him do a whole set, and he had a tomato in his hair.
And he was like... And he just kept bobbing his head.
His hair is kind of long now.
Until the tomato just worked its way out.
And by the end of the show, it was just a little bit red.
So that's how much he was thrashing.
And then the other guy goes, what's acapella funk punk?
And the other guy goes, I don't know.
I Googled it and nothing came up.
Like that's a trillion possibilities and zero.
There's no acapella funk punks.
It's lots of acapella people, but they have like a team and they go, Hum-ha, hum-ha, hum-ha, sail away.
One of the best acapella guys actually is kind of Gavin's mentor.
And he's this dude who does Jimi Hendrix all the time.
You ever heard of him?
His name is Johnny Hendrix.
And he does... You should hear him do All Along the Watchtower.
It's spooky.
I mean, it's better than Jimi Hendrix.
I feel like if Jimi Hendrix came back from the grave, he'd go, Damn, man, that's really good.
You really nailed it, brother.
You know, I played the guitar for so long trying to make a sound, but when you do that shit with your mouth, it makes me want to light my guitar on fire again.
Light it up like Woodstock, you know what I'm saying?
Just like, forget about it.
My job's been done, you know what I'm saying?
Anyway, he would do along the watchtower like this.
like this.
He was that good.
So 24/7 spies are playing that, and then they want to do, Fishbone were doing this thing at the time called a celebration of heterosexuality.
Which in my old age now, it sounds awesome.
You know?
Sure.
We got gay pride, how about straight pride?
Sure.
But back then it was like, fuck that.
I was basically Miles McInnes.
Fuck that.
It was like saying all lives matter means black lives don't matter.
So if you are pro-heterosexuality, it means you hate gays, basically.
That was my mentality.
So they go they go we want to bring all the woman on the stage This is fucking New Year's Eve by the way let the woman on the fucking stage Gavin So they're pulling women on stage, but this is a punk club Okay, this is not spring break.
I don't want woman on the stage being exploited so He posted on the stage this could have been could have been psychosomatic but I felt like some of them didn't want to be on the stage and in my mind they were being exploited and I think they were just shy.
This is Quebec.
It's like an orgy Like people are it's like France.
They have the French mentality, so they're always one tits hanging out some guys Jerking off.
It's just it's a giant sex is nothing to them.
It's like going to the bathroom.
There's pooing peeing fucking so um Uh, he's pulling people on the stage and they're dancing on the stage, and I get it in my head that this is bullshit, that this is exploitation, this is wrong.
So I wait by, after the show, I wait by the sort of, the door to the green room, and I just go, I'm giving them the finger, going...
You gotta fucking make women get naked and entertain us?
This isn't about women.
You wanna exploit women for New Year's Eve?
And I was probably not making very coherent sense.
Plus, it's a loud club with music blaring.
These guys just played a set.
They're all sweaty.
They're not looking for an intellectual debate.
And so two of them just walk by and go, what the fuck's that guy talking about?
And then the third guy was like, I just go, fuck you!
And he just goes, poof!
Just fucking nails me right in the face.
I think my head may have hit the wall behind me.
And, um... That's when I realized that your personal dogma might not apply to every single person in the world, and they might not want it shoved down their throat when they're trying to have fun.
Lesson learned!
But anyway, um... Believe it or not, I remember what I'm talking about, and sex is your most sacred thing.
And I know a lot of dudes throw it around, but... And they definitely see it as less valuable than women, and I think that's perfectly natural, but I... It's not absolutely nothing to men.
Like, fucking a blow-up doll isn't funny, it's inexplicably sad.
I could make myself cry if I think about a guy fucking a blow-up doll or a sex robot, and it's not at a bachelor party, and it's not a joke.
Like, a guy making- I might tear up.
A guy making love to a- a, like, cyber-whatever-realistic sex doll.
Is there- There's not a lot of things sadder than that.
Poor fucking bastard, dude.
You've really completely given up on society.
Um.
So.
So, to get back to the ideal sex.
It should be awkward and uncomfortable.
For young teens, even normal teens, it should just be like exploration and weird and slow and it should be the opposite of porn.
You don't skull fuck your teenage girlfriend.
You'd like try stuff and get nervous and it's awkward and it doesn't last long and you could even joke later about how that wasn't great.
You know?
And then you get into your 20s, and you start maybe trying out some moves, right?
30s, all bets are off.
30s, you're a fucking animal.
I don't even want to see it.
Please, don't show it to me.
Jesus Christ, you people are disgusting.
Is that even legal?
How'd you get your leg over there?
And I think that's a very natural progression.
Oh my god, 50s?
Jesus Lord.
Can you imagine what they get up to?
They just go inside each other.
The man puts his head into the woman's vagina until he's 100% in her body.
And then he puts her legs in her legs and he wears her like a suit.
And then they squirt.
They each have 14 orgasms and then he...
Goes out again and they have a shower and never talk about it again.
But, I know this is a weird subject, but I just, I'm saddened by how raunchy millennial sex is.
And I talk to these people, and these dating apps happened after I got married, but I talk to these youngsters on it, and they just, like, some of the guys go, you know, I just got tired of being blown by sixes.
Oh, that's romantic.
Remember the graffiti I told you I saw in Tel Aviv?
It was translated to me.
It said in Hebrew, um... Hey Tinder, my dick is broken.
I want love.
I've talked about it a bunch on the show, so I'm sorry to bore you, but... My dick is broken in Israeli just means I've had enough.
And it's a perfect double entendre in that case, because... The guy was like, I'm good for fucking tons of chicks.
That's what I was saying to this bartender the other day.
Alright, guys.
You lost your virginity at what?
I mean, I was 17.
But, um... Some guys are like... I talk to Americans and they all seem to say 14.
Maybe that's living in New York, but... The norm number seems to be 14.
Especially with Hispanics.
It's crazy young.
Especially with black people.
When I hear, oh, you sucked my babysitter's tits when I was 8.
Uh, I think you got raped, dude.
I loved it.
Yeah, no, no, I don't think that matters.
Um...
But, uh, I think that, uh, I just had a brain fart.
I remember this article I read in the New York Times that talked about horrible things men have done sexually, and it was a bunch of, their faces were blurred, and it was like, I couldn't read the article, but it was like, we gang raped a chick, or we made fun of this girl, or we pulled up her dress and we saw it, or we fucked this girl and got her pregnant and we made fun of her when she was pregnant.
I assume, I don't know.
But I think there are a lot of stories like that.
And so you read that and you go, we live in a rape culture.
Men have always been evil.
Women have always been victims.
This is horrible.
And that kind of was my initial takeaway when I saw the article and sort of glanced what I could stomach.
But, um, I realized later, no, it's an epoch.
It's divorce.
When you talk to baby boomers about sex, even the cool ones that smoke a marijuana doobie once in a while, they don't talk about gangbangs.
They don't talk about the girl they raped.
They talk about this one, like Howard Stern talks about his parents, and he goes, yeah, I fingered another girl, but that was my second love was your mother.
I hate when he talks about his parents, by the way, and that imitation is infuriating.
But boomers, and I assume everyone before them, they had a pretty normal sex life.
They probably would have some heavy petting, as they called it, in the back of the rumble seat at the drive-in.
I was doing air quotes that whole time.
But then, you know, they eventually realized, I want to have a lot of sex, and you got to get married for that, so I'm going to marry this chick.
And these people who get married young, their marriages tend to do much better than people who marry late, because their habits form together.
Hey, Monday night's movie night.
You get two 40-year-olds with each other and they're like, Monday night's movie night.
No, my Monday night's mini-putt night.
Well, fuck you.
No, fuck you.
Next thing you know, they're in a different room watching different shows.
So... I think...
Like, I had a pretty- I had a very normal sex life.
Um, 17, I lost it, but I remember even- even then it was kind of, uh, enforced.
This is in my book, but there was a girl, Big- Big K, we'll call her, and we all lost our virginity to her.
I think she'd been molested by her dad.
And she went on to have five kids and then leave them to go pursue a career in crack.
I know, it's not a very middle-class story.
So, um, all the guys called me and they said, alright, Kimmy's ready, she wants to do it with you, and if you don't do it, we're gonna beat the shit out of you because you're 17 and you're the last one.
So I went over there and, um, we horsed around and we did it.
It did not last very long.
It was fantastic, though.
Um, but, you know, it was not pornographic.
And, uh, I think that one of the reasons sex has become so degraded is because relationships have been trivialized.
And I think the reason relationships have been trivialized is divorce.
So, divorce got big in 1980.
I remember it.
I remember all my dad's friends sleeping on the couch.
My parents are still together, by the way.
So are my wives.
So are my wives.
So are my wife's.
F. I don't- I only have one.
Um, but uh...
Yeah, I think these, these, we've totally, every time someone talks about divorce, they talk about, I felt good and I could have ramen noodles for dinner and whatever I wanted.
And then when I was with my kids, I would see them and I would be, my batteries are fully charged and I was happy to hang out with them and they were never getting on my nerves because I only saw them once a week, a week.
And you go, yeah, that sucks for them.
No one ever talks about what divorce does to kids.
It's always like I could finally buy a car, a convertible and I had a new girlfriend.
It was awesome.
I think not only does it pollute their minds and make them feel bad about, you know, the here and now, and I have less... I have half a dad, and now I have a new dad and a stepdad, and can he tell me when I have to go to bed?
Is he my boss now?
But it's also, it makes you think, well, why have a relationship?
I remember I was at my friend's in Britain, and they're like lefty, PC, old punkers.
And she was like, you know, you don't need a contract.
You don't need a piece of paper to say you love someone.
Why does the government have to sanctify it?
And then her niece, who was like 30, goes, Yeah, I got a little disappointed.
I was talking to my girls.
I was talking to Jennifer and she said that, um, she'll never get married because, um, if it didn't work out with you and Dad, then why bother?
And I think it kind of put her off, you know?
And I thought, hey, what your niece just said contradicts what you just said.
Apparently the piece of paper matters.
Apparently marriage is important.
So I realized going back over this horrible article that it's not indicative of men and women and their relationships over time and you don't know that there's tons of rape going on.
That does have a semblance of truth but it's from 1980 till probably the 90s and it is a direct result of divorce.
Now the era we're in now is even worse in many ways.
Now it's like Sex is so meaningless, sometimes the rape doesn't register.
For example, I was talking to, I forget her name, at Fox News.
She went and researched Spring Break in Florida, and Sean Hannity kept pushing it, and Jon Stewart made fun of him and said, oh, looks like Sean can't handle a party.
What's the matter, Sean?
You never been to Spring Break?
But Sean's point was, it's not a party anymore, it's a rape fest.
And what happens is these girls will do oxy, and they'll be dead to the world, and then these guys will quote-unquote run a train on them, where seven guys will be fornicating on the beach with this woman who's basically half alive on opioids, and then walk away laughing.
Haha, that was fun.
And everyone's dancing around them.
It happens all the time.
It's actually been banned now.
I forget.
I'm sorry.
I forget the exact town.
And there was like a shooting there.
Yeah, there was a shooting and someone died.
And then there was a gang rape that wasn't opioid related.
Not that opioid related rapes are good.
And Sean Hannity was vindicated.
Jon Stewart looked like the guy who was saying, What's the matter, Sean?
You don't like a good shooting?
And a good gang rape?
But I talked to a woman who was talking to sheriffs down there, and she said, the sheriffs were saying, we're trying to prosecute these guys for rape, but the woman are like, whatever.
I guess I fucked up.
And they didn't see it as rape.
They were just like, whoops, I slipped.
I got a little too wasted on the vodoxyroxy.
And the 17 guys had a lot of fun, whoopsie doopsie.
Like, that's the kind of thing that traumatizes you for the rest of your life.
And they were just saying- they were treating it like nothing.
And I think it's- I- I- I think a lot of that has to do with divorce and this whole, like, slut culture thing.
Now, I know I sound like a hypocrite because I started Vice.
And we were a big part of that culture.
Fuckin' had to suck a dick- I wrote The Vice Guide to Eating Pussy.
But it wasn't, uh, totally debase yourself until you're a useless piece of garbage and let everyone walk all over you.
I wasn't quite going for that when I said enjoy sex.
And a lot of these older spinster feminists who run blogs, they have fallen into that trap.
And there they are, getting booty calls at four in the morning, old and alone.
And so that's the end of that sort of run, right?
It's just being a colostomy bag for someone else's excretions.
But the beginning of that is your teens and early twenties and pornography and these dating apps have just led to them having like the most, I will call it advanced.
I mean, I'm not saying it's evil to do crazy moves like that, but it's, it's basically the Olympics and these kids are doing Olympic sports and they're, they're getting, Shredded.
By the way, this is just... I'm not in the sex scene.
So... This is just what I hear and do research.
You guys are out there.
You're younger than me.
Are any of you having normal sex and, like, hugging after?
Are there any spooners on the line?
We got anyone spooning tonight?
Hey, welcome to WKRX.
We got any spooners out there?
That'd be funny if the spooners were one of the gangs in the Warriors.
They go, we got the Baseball Furies chasing Warriors out of the Bronx.
Also, we got the spooners who can't really pursue anyone because they just, it's a co-ed gang where people spoon.
So it's a hug, it's a cuddle party.
It's a cuddle party.
Ryan.
34.
I gotta wrap it up.
My neighbors are terrorizing me for supporting Trump and, you know, the usual threatening me with coming to my home, sending news crews to my house, threatening candlelight vigils to stamp out hate, making my children feel unwelcome, Putting signs on my lawn.
You know, that kind of regular neighborly stuff that you do when you're married to a vegan, liberal American Indian who voted for Hillary, but you dared to like Trump and you need to be punished for that.
That kind of normal stuff.
So, talking to police and detectives is taking up a lot of my time right now.
Especially when I'm trying to keep friends of mine out of jail.
So I'm a little preoccupied!
Little preoccupied!
Don't you worry your pretty little head about that.
You need to worry your pretty little head about sleeping.
That's what really defines health, you know.
You need eight hours, you need nine hours.
And you don't, you shouldn't be too drunk, too.
That's when you wake up at three in the morning with the horrors.
So one of the best ways to get a good night's sleep is, of course, with purple mattress.
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That's what's important here.
And you know what?
Even if you don't want a purple mattress, can you just buy one or do that text so the people who make this podcast happen can love me more?
Support me?
I'm not very good at that kind of stuff.
Like, Steven Crowder's great at the Mug Club stuff, and of course Alex Jones is great at all the pills and stuff, but I've never been a good salesman.
The way I've always made money in the past is I've just found a good salesman and said, can you come with me while we do this and you can do the talking about how to sell it?
Because when people say no to things I'm selling, I want to punch them because I get so pissed off.
That's a whole other episode.
I should have an entrepreneur episode.
Every business needs a hipster, a hacker, and a hustler.
I stole that, but it's very relevant.
The hipster is the guy who's obsessed with the culture and loves everything about whatever it is.
It could be cars.
You could be making, you know, hot rods, and he just loves the culture.
He's the one who knows what the latest things are, and he's just immersed in it.
He's almost autistic.
The hacker is the guy who gets all the technology of it all and can facilitate it, so it's great to do hot rods, but if you're getting expensive parts, and you're spending too much money, you've lost your net, and you're not making money, you're gonna shut down.
That's the hacker.
He makes sure everything works every day.
It could be as simple as your email and as complex as rack and pinion steering.
And then there's the hustler.
That's the salesman who goes out there.
It's a very unique talent.
These guys, they can get knocked down a hundred times like more than a Chumbawamba song and just come back and go, Hey, this is going to be a great project.
And they're not lying.
They're just incredibly optimistic.
And they get a lot of stigma thanks to used cars, salesmen, tropes of the 70s and 80s, but they've made me a ton of dough over the years, and even more dough for themselves.
So don't shit on Hustlers, they're a third of what you need to survive.
That'll probably, probably, probably, wow that's a tough word to say.
That will probably be next episode.
I like you more than a friend.
It's hard to be stuck in the car for an hour, much less weeks at a time.
But sadly, many families right here in our community call their cars home.
Wouldn't it be nice to help them find an apartment instead, or a bed, or even a shower?
Well, you can!
By giving to The Salvation Army, where every donation bites for good.
Visit SalvationArmy.ListenAndGive.org now to help fund housing assistance initiatives for our neighbors most in need.
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