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July 2, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
44:57
Ep 150 | Holding Court | Get Off My Lawn
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That was Judge New York hardcore band.
New York Hardcore.
They were a band that was formed from former members of Youth of Today, Mike Judge.
And that was actually a cover of the Blitz song.
Blitz were a skinhead band from the 80s in Britain from Derbyshire.
You know, John Derbyshire, who was fired from National Review.
They were a skinhead band, and that song was called Warriors.
Judge was covering it.
I chose that song because of their name, Judge, because everyone's talking about the new SCOTUS.
We will be analyzing our top 10 choices for the next Supreme Court judge, and they all come from reality TV.
I think we're being too bourgeois when we talk about Ted Cruz.
Oh, Ted Cruz, the fancy pants guy who has the Constitution memorized?
What about the people on the street, man?
What about the New York Hardcore Cruz?
What about Judge Brown?
Judge Faith, Hot Bench, Judge Judy.
There's a million judges who would be just as good.
And judges, by the way, who understand the people.
We're also going to get my brother in here because I saw Stephen Harriet tweet out that today a Nazi is someone who just drinks normal beer and has the same views as your dad.
And I said that to my brother and he said, basically.
So I want to get him to lay out exactly what defines a Nazi.
And he says he has top, he's going to give us 10 things, 10 criteria that define what a Nazi is.
And I have a bad feeling Israelis are going to be on that list.
There's a video coming out about the Proud Boys that an Australian film crew did.
Now, Australia, their mainstream media is, I believe, even more left-wing than Britain's is.
So their Channel 4, I forget what it's called, SSV or something, is pretty grim.
But a bunch of Proud Boys spoke to them.
I like little pieces of symmetry, like this little line here.
And they went on a boat cruise with Proud Boys.
And I want to just take a quick glimpse at that video because it's kind of fun watching.
You know how you make these things fair, by the way?
The first thing you do to the journalist is introduce them to a black guy, a black proud boy.
And they instantly go, and you can see the whole pitch to their editor.
You can just see it sort of fade like that superhero guy with his glove who makes you turn into particles.
You can see their whole hypothesis just turn into particles.
Check it out.
I'm a Western chauvinist and I refuse to apologize for creating a modern world.
Chauvinist doesn't mean sexist.
Chauvinist means extremely patriotic.
Pause, pause.
That was Tiny.
He's from American Samoa.
That's why he said for creating a modern world because English is a second language.
But he's setting up a Proud Boys chapter in American Samoa, which is 9 million miles from here.
It's the farthest place that's still on Earth.
American Samoa.
When did we get that place?
Why did we get it?
What are we doing with American Samoa?
I guess it's a good strategic location, especially for things like a World War II.
So anyway, sorry, go ahead.
Things that will save America.
Give everyone a gun.
Venerate the housewife.
Recognize the West is the best.
shut down the government.
President Trump.
Political correctness is just another word for censorship.
Getting pig up some myths.
Islam is not a very good ideology, and we're allowed to criticize it.
Being a man is almost frowning.
All different races and even sexual orientations.
I mean, Maurice Meet is a fighting solve problem.
Yeah, fighting solves everything.
Fuck it's me.
The fight is a long line of what would be normally called white nationalism.
The soy boy generation has overtaken and there is no mutest positive.
Isn't that interesting?
And Miles will probably explain this later on.
All you say is you're not ashamed of yourself and it instantly becomes white nationalism.
I think what we're seeing here, and I've said this a million times, is these people have been indoctrinated with Marxism.
And as Pat Buchanan points out in The Death of the West, the Frankfurt School's number one rule was when someone becomes too irritating, just call them Nazi, Nazi, Nazi.
White supremacist, white supremacist.
It just, you don't have to argue.
You don't have to have points after that.
And I have a solution to that.
Call them Nazis.
That's what Sabo did the other day when we had his Republicans our verboten.
And we've been doing it at rallies, yelling Nazi at Antifa, because they are much more like Nazis than we are.
And it makes them poop in their pants.
They really, you can see them just go, it's like when you call, if you were to call a religious Puritan a blasphemer, they go, wait, that's everything I hate.
Go ahead.
The alpha is diminished, so I wouldn't call it a war between the sexes.
It is a war by men on women.
Shut up.
Anyway, that's going to be interesting to see if it's a hit piece or not.
You never know.
But I'm at the point now with the left where I don't think we have to worry about marketing anymore.
God, I shouldn't have worn this.
I hate the way the wrinkles sort of go over the suspenders.
It's so unsmooth.
I apologize for this.
Although maybe it's good texture.
You know, you're watching a show.
You want to see different textures, different things.
You don't have to always look at the guy's ugly Donald Suttlin with AIDS face.
But I've been Saying this for a while, like when I saw that woman dump her menstrual cup on Trump's star, and then you saw the woman after just smoking a cigarette with her giant breast heaving, I just thought, you know what?
Let's just leave it to Beaver.
Like, let them hang themselves, give them enough rope.
And this is what the RNC has finally figured out.
Their latest ad is just a montage of liberals acting like lunatics.
And I don't know how they got this footage.
A few years ago, ideas that we talked about were thought to be fringe ideas, radical ideas, extremist ideas.
She takes herself so seriously.
Look at that face.
Kathy, no one's listening to you.
No one cares what you have to say.
You're a roast comedian who does like raunchy sex jokes with your gay friends.
It's not like someone goes, what's going on from the caustic fag hag?
No one's ever asked Kathy Griffin anything.
And could they have done a worse job with that face, too?
You can't see him anymore.
Anyway, go ahead.
Extremist ideas.
Those ideas are now mainstream.
I just don't even know why there aren't uprisings all over the country.
And if you see anybody from that cabinet in a restaurant, in a department store, in a gasoline station, you get up and you can get a car.
What is a gasoline station?
Hi, officer.
I know this isn't your job, but I'm literally, I think I have like 100 feet left in the tank.
Do you know of a gasoline station?
The guy would go, he'd grab your face and try to peel your skin off because he'd assume you're an alien trying to act like a human from Earth.
Hello, I am enjoying my stay here.
Does anyone know of a gasoline station where I could procure some salty snacks and also get the drinking fluids that are used for my machina, my card device, my driving machine?
And you push back on them, and you tell them they're not welcome anymore, anymore.
Buzz Buzz!
I can't resist.
I know this is a weird thing to do, but we need to jump ahead here and go to Maxine Water's house because it sums up what I was saying the other day about how these guys keep picking fights.
They keep slapping bikers in the face and going, what are you going to do, pussy?
Well, you're going to get in a fight with a biker.
So these guys pick on the entire country.
They call us all Nazis.
And Maxine Water says, go to their house and yell, no peace, no sleep.
No peace, no sleep.
Guess what happens, Maxine?
People come to your house and bang on drums and scream.
Like, did you not think that was going to happen?
Didn't you go to junior high?
Don't you know that for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction?
Angry demonstrators shouted and held signs outside the home of a longtime congresswoman in northwest D.C. Hey, Mixie!
Where's your niceness gene?
Hey, Mixie!
Hey, Maxine, where's your niceness, Gene?
A group called Patriot Pickett took aim tonight at Congresswoman Maxine Waters last night.
Last week, you were called Waters.
All right, that's enough.
The left can't meme, but it's perfectly conceivable that the right can't chant.
That was a terrible chant.
Hey, Maxine, where's your niceness gene?
Let's try to think of a better one.
Maxine Waters, where's your daughters?
I don't know if she has daughters.
Maxine Waters.
Just say no peace, no sleep.
Just steal their chance.
All right.
And then Diamond and Silk, who look like two gorgeous cartoon birds.
They went to, and I mean that as reverentially as possible.
I love Diamond and Silk.
They went to her work and tried to get her to come outside from her office.
No peace, no sleep at work.
That's probably where Maxine does most of her sleeping anyways, under her desk in a futon.
Hey, y'all.
Okay, so we are here in Los Angeles right in front of Maxine's Waters office.
They call her the water office.
Maxine's Waters.
She stays in a $4.3 million mansion on a $174,000 salary.
A year.
That's a problem for me.
That's right.
Can I just interrupt them for a sec?
This is a total tangent.
But I don't think insider trading should be illegal.
And if it is illegal and you are prosecuting, you need to prosecute these politicians.
You look at Susan Rice and Maxime Waters and their net worth, and it's insane.
It's like hundreds of millions of dollars.
Yet you check their salary and they've only been making 200 grand a year their entire careers.
And you go, that doesn't add up.
Here's what they do.
Obama says, I'm going to invest in solar power.
They go and invest in Solyndra.
Boom.
Master.
I think you could do well if you just follow major players in the DNC and just mimic their investments.
I bet you do great.
All they do is insider trade.
That's why people become politicians.
Anyway, let's see, watch Diamond Silk.
we're knocking on the door.
Because it seemed like, Is that Maxine?
I don't want to have to call the police.
I'm going to call the police.
All right, that's enough.
By the way, Laura Loomer, what's the word?
I got to choose my words carefully.
Confronted Maxine Waters, and Maxine Waters got delirious and started hitting Laura with papers.
I believe she scratched her.
So Laura Loomer is now pressing charges against Maxine Waters.
I said this on Michael J. Knowles' show on Daily Wire.
I said, they're picking a fight with someone they don't know how to fight with.
They're going to be getting it back tenfold.
It's so bizarre because you say, every Trump supporter is a Nazi and every gun owner is a pussy and I'm going to eradicate them all.
And you go, that's a strange fight to pick.
Who's next?
The Trinitarios?
So this was interesting, though.
While I'm talking about all this confrontation and how we have to get tough, I saw a very interesting article from our side on the Federalist, which I would consider myself a Federalist.
And it's a chick, and she's a conservative.
And her contention is: conservatives must be civil.
If conservatives set aside civility to fight the left's rude provocation, we will all lose.
And this is a lot of different things that I have a problem with.
One is women getting involved in politics.
Two is non-New Yorkers.
The reason Trump is kicking ass is because he's from New York.
We tried Mitt Romney.
They ate him alive.
We tried Ted Cruz.
He was ridiculed.
We tried Donald Trump.
We got a pit bull in there and he destroyed them.
And I'm sorry to repeat myself, but what's a perfect example of this?
And I stole this from Ann Coulter, by the way.
The Huffington Post said, we're only covering Donald Trump in the entertainment section because he's not politics.
Bitt Romney would have folded on that, not even mentioned it.
Ted Cruz would have folded on that.
Every other little stoic Jesus figure we sent would have folded.
What did the New Yorker do?
The New Yorker said to Arianna Huffington, didn't your husband leave you for a man?
Hmm, I think he made the right choice.
That's what we need.
We need brawling.
We need hypocrisy.
I want Samantha B to lose her show.
I don't want Roseanne to lose her show.
That's hypocritical.
I don't want a Christian Baker to have to bake a cake.
I do want all restaurants to have to serve Republicans.
That's called survival.
We are the dirty street kids.
We are judged, the New York hardcore crews.
We have to get tough with these people.
We have to abandon civility.
When they take the low road, we take the lower road.
When they go low, we go lower.
We are scrapping, literally fighting and metaphorically fighting.
She says in this article, I don't want to become that callous and divisive.
I just want to be clear here that callousness and division are our only hopes.
We are now in a civil war.
We are fighting back Georgie Berman.
And I'm not attacking Georgie Berman, by the way.
She's a great writer, and I think she's a wonderful gal, but she's not a New Yorker.
And right now, in a fight, you need New Yorkers.
You need Bill the Butcher.
This is Tammany Hall we're dealing with, and we need Bill the Butcher to fight them.
Are you calling Trump boss tweet?
No, no, no.
I mean the mainstream establishment outside of Trump.
And people think Trump is the establishment.
He's a stick of dynamite we threw into the White House, okay?
He's a bull in a China shop.
We still hate the China shop.
Just because the bull is in the China shop doesn't mean he's a China salesman.
I will never accept that premise that I must be a bully to win a culture war.
Wrong.
Yet it is jaw-dropping how quickly the right has weaponized the double standard to permit their side the same wrongs that have been inflicted on them.
I mean, I could not agree more.
Less, sorry.
Her article reads like a manifesto for the Proud Boys.
I want to commit the same wrongs.
I am going to pepper spray you and then beat you up as you hold your eyes screaming.
Seriously, are you really on board with telling socialists they can't eat at your establishment?
Yep.
Or buy your gift cards or use your car wash?
Uh-huh.
Way more than that.
Way more than that.
You know, there was a band called the Stranglers, a punk band in the 70s, and they used to, when they got a bad review, they would go to the journalist's house and beat him up.
And one time, the Stranglers were playing a show and they saw someone from the NME, the new Musical Express, in the audience.
They picked him up, dragged him up on the stage, then they duct taped him or taped him to the chair on the stage and then played the show around him.
Like when you criticize a band like the Stranglers, who grew up in, I think, East London, brawling all the time, you say, these guys are a bunch of poofs, you're picking a fight.
There's ramifications for that.
Would you rather not show them kindness and that you are not, in fact, a brainwashed, bigoted monster incapable of hearing the other side?
I am a brainwashed, bigoted monster.
Or even being in the same room with them, I don't want to be in the same room with them.
I tried.
I've tried for years and years.
I've tried, since Trump, I've tried to be in the same room with them.
They're erratic.
They are stupid.
They haven't done their research.
Here's a test.
And I can feel these lefties watching this from Media Matters and you, Jared Holt, writing all this down.
Go up to these people who love immigration so much and think it's so great and ask them how many legals there are in the country.
And then say how many legals are too much.
And when you ask them these two questions, you realize they don't have an answer for either because they don't really care.
They're virtue signaling posers.
They're lying.
So I am done being in the same room with them.
If I'm forced to, because it's like my wife's friend, I'll just be quiet and then eventually ridicule them and then we'll get in a fight and have to leave early.
But I am done trying to work stuff out.
You can't work stuff out with your crazy ex-girlfriend.
When she's outside with her shirt all ripped and one tit hanging out and lipstick smeared all over her face and her foot bleeding from the broken glass she stepped on when she threw a beer bottle at your front door.
You don't go, hey, Julia, come on in, sit down.
Let's work this out.
No, you go, there's a lunatic outside of my house and you shove her.
Which is how they very much would like to think of you.
So I love the gal.
Love her to death.
Georgie, Porgy, putting an orgy.
But you're very wrong.
I don't think you realize the severity of this.
And that's why Trump is a great president, because he's a New Yorker.
He used to collect rent in the projects in Queens.
He understands severity.
Speaking of which, our buddies joined UKIP.
You see, this is why our side is winning, because we're dangerous and fun and reckless.
And then you have Will Summer, who I believe is working for Antifa.
Hackers have told me that he's running something like the Northwest Antifa page.
But Will pretends to work for objective journalism.
He's at the Daily Beast.
I'm not sure if he's still at The Hill.
And he's like that Jared Holt kid I just mentioned, where they're just sort of like gremlins on A wing, you know, who don't contribute anything to society.
They just sort of pick away what you're doing and try to rip the wires out.
They're like little rats.
And Will Summers decided that this is evil joining UKIP.
By the way, UKIP's too mainstream for me.
They're not radical enough.
My problem with UKIP, and this is why Jack Buckby left, is because they refuse to identify the Muslim problem.
They pretend that, oh, I'm doing Israel's bidding if I stand up to Islam in Britain.
So that's my only beef with them.
But I think it's weird and fun and crazy that Milo Yiannopoulos, Count Dankula, go back to the picture.
Count Dankula and Paul Joseph Watson and Sargon of Akkad, who's a liberal, all joined UKIP.
This is why I don't understand that more young people aren't on the right.
It's the side of rebellion.
And go down to the very bottom of that article.
But yeah, no, I've got it here.
So take over UKIP for the banner, Watson tweeted.
How hard can it be?
Paul Joseph Watson saying him and the rest of us are taking over UKIP just for the banter, just for a lark.
It's sort of like on Howard Stern, they were criticizing Ronnie Mund for rallying.
You know what a rally is?
That's when you do an illegal car race from like, say, Vegas to Montego Bay.
No, Montego Bay, Mandalay Bay.
No, that's a bad example.
Atlantic City or something.
It's like a long race.
Johnny Knoxville would do it.
They do it in Europe all the time.
And Stern was criticizing Ronnie Mund for doing it because it's dangerous.
I just thought, you're such a pussy.
That's so un-American.
These British people are more American than the American left.
They are reckless, stupid, and fun.
And that's really what defines America as far as I'm concerned.
UKIP has struggled in the past to keep far-right figures out of the party, responding with a ban on members of the English Defense League, who, by the way, are totally moderate as far as I'm concerned.
A group of street protesters who oppose Islamicization.
But UKIP leader Gerard Batten called Islam a death cult earlier this year, marking a further drift rightward.
And then this is the best.
This is the ending.
And this is why we will win.
Asked about his decision to join the party, Yiannopoulos wrote in an email that he can't wait for the vigilante squads to start gunning down journalists on site.
laughter laughter laughter And if you don't get that, then you're no fun.
Anyway, let's get serious here and we will talk to Miles McInnes about what a Nazi is.
Hey guys, a lot of people ask me, hey, Miles, what do you mean when you call Nazis Nazis?
What's a Nazi?
And I think it's time to sort of update the term because terms change over time.
Fag used to mean a stick within a bundle of sticks, and now it means a cigarette in London.
So I'm just going to clearly state for once and for all what we mean when we say Nazi.
You ready?
Number one.
Oh yeah.
Someone who doesn't think pre-existing conditions deserve health care.
We will boo Nazis out of restaurants if they don't support pre-existing conditions for health care.
We understand that that can be expensive for an insurance company and potentially make them go bankrupt.
You know, someone, if they're insuring people and then someone with stage four cancer goes, wait, I want to be insured.
That could be monetarily harmful.
But Obama already looked into that.
And you got rid of him because he's black.
Well, way to go, post-black presidential America.
No one has health care now.
That's a Nazi.
Number two, someone who thinks there are only two genders.
As of right now, basically the only people stupid enough to think that there are only two genders are the medical community.
And that would mean that the medical community are Nazis, which is why I don't go to a doctor because doctors are basically Mengela.
And if you go to the doctor, he will breed you with a midget prostitute and make you move to some island in South America where he like does vivisection on you or something.
Number three, Trump supporter.
All Trump supporters are Nazis.
Is that 50% of the population?
No.
Russia did most of the votes and had people pretend to vote.
I would say that only about a million people voted for Trump.
But then they got in the heads of another million, and actually it is up to 50% through like the plague of Nazism.
Oh, number four.
A white male who's not gay enough.
Like a white male who plays baseball and drinks Budweiser.
Basically, your dad is a Nazi.
Nazi now means, it doesn't just mean like one guy.
It means basically your dad.
And I think you know that your dad is a Nazi.
I think you know that the things he says, the way he behaves, the money he's so reluctant to dole out, the loans he's so scared to give you in case you spend them wrong, the car you may not have, that's all fascism.
Where are we now?
White male, someone who doesn't...
Oh yeah, white male is not gay enough as your dad, right?
Did I already forget that?
Number five, someone who doesn't recognize how many cool restaurants you get with multiculturalism.
Speaking of get, I don't get how someone could be against multiculturalism.
You can have, I had tacos last night.
You can have Somalian food the next night.
You can have Bavarian food the next night.
You can have Scottish food, haggis, the night after that.
Every different night, you can have different food.
And you go down these streets in places like Toronto, which is the most diverse city in the world, and you just see restaurant after restaurant after restaurant after restaurant after restaurant after restaurant after restaurant after restaurant after restaurant And they come over like Indian food.
And they have like a little thing with no collar that buttons all the way up.
And they've got a plate with plates on it.
And they're all silver.
And you dip your stuff in like tomato stuff.
How can you not want to do that?
The only way you wouldn't want to do that is if a Nazi doesn't help, you know, loan you some money to do It.
Someone who opposes gay marriage.
Hitler killed lots of gays.
And if you don't want gays to be in love, then you don't think gays should breed.
And if you don't think gays should breed, you don't want them married.
And that means you're a Nazi, just like Hitler.
Ask Hitler how many gays he wanted to make love and give birth.
Probably say zero.
Finally, no, this isn't even close to finally.
Republicans.
Republicans or Nazis.
Oh, here's one.
Someone who supports the German army of the early 40s and believes the German people to be genetically superior to everyone else.
And I would like to add to that.
If you are an advocate of the German army in the 40s, 1940s, during World War II, if you support them and you support all their beliefs, and not only are you a eugenicist who thinks that the Germans are superior to everyone else,
if you want to take that to the point where you extinguish the other groups and the sort of dissidents within your group, so we have the anti-Nazi German army people, we have snitches, we have gypsies, we have gays, clowns, obviously Jews to the tune of 6 million.
If you advocate any of that, you are a Nazi.
Especially if you dress up in the costumes, if you had the maid and you have a Hitler mustache and you Ziegheil, you're a Nazi as far as I'm concerned.
Alan Dershowitz, number nine, Alan Dershowitz is a Nazi.
And then, of course, number 10, anyone who supports Israel is a complete Nazi.
You never forget the Warriors!
It's long enough.
Alan Dershowitz is a Nazi.
Did you know that?
I love the fact that he is ostracized in Martha's Vineyard.
I mean, I feel bad for Alan and his wife, but I just, doesn't that showcase how radical they've become that he's a Nazi?
And I'm told that he, at Martha's Vineyard or whatever sort of bourgeois academic parties these elites go to, I sound like I'm criticizing Alan, but some elites are cool.
And he said, yeah, I'm no longer invited because I want free speech for everyone, including Trumpers.
And I don't think he likes Trump per se.
He just likes the First Amendment because that's what the Constitution says.
And he said, I'm not invited to these things anymore.
And that includes family members banning me.
But he goes, but then the entire dinner party is everyone saying, what happened to Allen?
How did he get so lost?
And just again, in a loop.
Like, they're consumed.
It's Trump derangement syndrome.
Anyway, speaking of Trump derangement syndrome, the left is about to have a meltdown.
They cannot handle that we need a new Supreme Court judge and that Trump is going to decide who it is.
And he's definitely going to choose someone who's pro-life.
And a lot of people, smart people, want Ted Cruz.
I disagree.
I think we should get someone more in tune with the average Joe, someone who can recognize a myriad of Americans because we are a very diverse society.
So I'd like to go through my top 10 picks for the Supreme Court judge, and I'll explain why each one is better than anyone Trump has suggested or even thought of so far.
Kennedy's gone.
Kennedy's been shot.
Kennedy's retired from Fox business.
Kennedy is no longer a SCODUS.
And we have to find a new one.
Everyone wants Ted Cruz.
Ted Cruz is too fancy.
We need a judge of the people.
And I went to the various people's courts to find this judge of the people.
And I'll tell you what, I found 10 picks better than Cruz, better than anyone Trump could suggest.
I'm not sure the particular individual politics of these people, but that shouldn't matter.
The most important thing about a SCOTUS should be, can this person understand America?
And who understands America better than those who deal with the common man on a day-to-day basis?
So here are my 10 picks for SCOTUS.
Starting with number 10, Judge Maybelline.
She understands women, black women, who sue their mother for being too black.
Sorry, I was laughing about something else.
I'm going to look at her.
She's got a lot of makeup.
Now, look at you.
Yeah, look at her.
You don't look anything alike.
No.
Why?
Why do you say that?
She has that dark skin.
Lord, help me.
Jesus, help me.
Okay, she has that dark skin.
Look how fast Jesus is.
Can we both pause here?
This is going to become a theme with my pics.
God likes them.
She was overwhelmed.
This woman, by the way, is suing her mother for being too black, and she wants $600 for this, which didn't, what was her name at Fox, who got $20 million because Roger Ailes hit on her?
That's a good deal.
Was it Gretchen Carlson?
She got $20 million because Roger Ailes suggested they fornicate.
This woman had her life ruined because her mother's too dark and she only wants $600.
I think that's about $7 a year.
And this woman said, help me, Jesus.
And boom, Jesus jumped in and gave her a hand.
What do you have?
I have light skin.
And so mothers and daughters and families don't come in different shades?
Oh, yeah, that's great.
But I realized growing up that people with that kind of skin has it a little bit harder.
And you know, I worked really hard just to keep my life as easy as possible.
Okay, you need to hurry up.
Explain yourself to me.
I love the sound.
Your Honor.
Growing up with a dark mother was so embarrassing.
All of my friends were white.
Everybody was white.
Where did you grow up?
Where did you grow up?
My friends were white, Alabama.
And what?
She's from Birmingham, Alabama.
All her friends were.
$600 is like a trip and a quarter to the ATM.
You did grow up in that all your friends were white.
I got that on.
In Birmingham.
In Birmingham.
All right, that's so.
Judge Maybelline is my number 10 pick.
And by the way, don't you want a Supreme Court who's got some sassafras?
Oh, Lord, help me, Jesus.
All the other ones are boring.
And I know you try to make them dope by calling Ruth Gator Ginsburg RBG, notorious RBG.
That's an affectation.
These judges, I'm suggesting, are actually literally down.
All right, number two, Judge, what's her name?
Tolar?
She can deal with lesbians who go out with guys just for free stuff and are secretly having gay affairs on the side.
She can handle them.
Check this out.
Let me say this.
Ms. Penson, you're a scandalous individual.
I love it.
You just decided that you liked, no, you just liked another life altogether.
You had a good brother.
You were picking at him with a little bit this and that here and there.
And he did get mad.
He did get frustrated.
He did do the wrong thing.
I don't know what I did.
Ms. Penson, you are to speak no further.
I love that.
And you made all up these little reasons why you couldn't be with anymore because you chose a different lifestyle, which is up to you.
That's not what you're doing.
Which is up to you.
You see, I want a SCOTUS who enunciates and has some style.
Go ahead.
That's her.
And over the years.
Don't heat her out over the years.
Get her out.
Get her out.
You can go too.
Do you really want to have a SCOTUS who takes sassafras from lesbians?
Lifting off.
That's how we got Game Airs.
All right, that was eight.
No, that was nine.
Eight, Judge Joe Brown.
Now, the thing I like about Judge Joe Brown is, say someone shows up and they have a bad attitude, right?
He can take it for a while.
He can talk trash with them.
He can talk like he's in the hood.
But then if that person turns into a dog, he will arrest them immediately.
What other SCODUS could be prepared for shapeshifters?
We'll be right back with Judge Joe Brown.
Let's talk about a little chunk.
I know.
So your problem is you needed a mama.
The first one don't have you in her nest, and the second one made you start throwing up because you're so sick about losing your mama.
So you found another one.
She started playing mama to you, and you started acting like a little girl in here, throwing a tantrum, and you're living off of the woman instead of living off of yourself.
You're a dumb fool now.
I know that.
You don't know me, buddy.
I don't have to do that.
Don't talk about mama.
I've seen no you over the years.
See, I know you.
You fit into a pattern.
Look at you.
He doing girl stuff.
I'm trying to provoke him.
So why didn't you pay this woman back because you're dumb enough to lock the keys in your trunk?
What happened?
The woman got into and took all your phones.
Listen, listen, just shut up.
Oh, shut up.
That's an excuse me, fool.
You ain't even trying to listen to me.
Excuse me, fool.
You're not even trying to listen to me.
You don't have.
I am.
Watch this.
Arrest him.
Take him under the arrest.
Second he goes, he put the dogs back in.
He let the dogs out, not Judge Joe Brown.
He put the dogs in the slammer.
Do you want a SCOTUS who can't handle that?
And you'll notice, by the way, he let him swear, he let him get away with it.
And that was to show the court and everyone else that this guy is out of control and he's easily provoked.
It's all 4D chess.
Trump probably knows Judge Joe Brown.
All right, so 1098, this is number seven.
Judge Faith.
Now, Judge Faith is dealing with a snaggle-tooth thought who is, her contention is that because she has no ceiling, she can't find a man.
The slumlord who lets people see the sky when they're on their toilet, which no matter how free market you are, you got to admit, that's pretty rich, libertarians.
She said that her defense is that woman's just mad because she can't find a man.
And then the black woman says, at least I don't have sex with 18-year-olds who come to help.
And she says she does a good rhyme with he ain't grown.
So anyway, all of this is clearly hilarious.
And a lot of Supreme Court cases are funny.
We want a SCOTUS who can have some self-control and not laugh.
Check out Judge Faith and her.
I could have gotten stuff back.
Yes, really.
She complained about her ceiling because she couldn't get no.
Yo, I'm going to have a problem with this getting baby.
Maybe if you couldn't sit on my 18-year-old worker of yours alone and get married when he went nobody feels like.
Get a real man.
Get a little man.
Leave them little boys alone.
18-year-old worker?
Leave him alone.
He barely grown.
Just pause there.
Leave him alone.
He barely grown.
Most judges would crack up with that rhyme.
Not Judge Faith.
Look at her.
Hold her own.
His mom on you, the judge.
Your honor.
Okay.
Your honor, leave him alone.
He ain't grown.
Watch her hold her own.
All right, that's enough.
Now we're, I think we're around, I don't know, six.
Judge Judy.
We know Judge Judy.
Now, the reason I recommend Judge Judy is she is very in touch with God.
Much like the woman at the beginning who said, Jesus helped me, and then Jesus helped her immediately.
This woman, the second she implies, even just says the word pin, God is so worried about identity theft and her having her bank account taken that he starts shaking the entire planet to stop her from saying her pin.
So when I say Judge Judy, when I recommend Judge Judy, I mean Judge Judy and her right-hand man, God.
And what I needed, and then, you know, that was that.
There was no discussion about what he needed.
Okay.
Well, he got your credit card, your bank card somehow, and he got your pin number somehow.
PIN number freaks God out.
He does.
Shakes the whole courtroom.
So someone could go up to try to assassinate Judge Judy or something.
God would like zap them with the lightning bolt.
Maybe it's Zeus actually.
Is she Greek?
All right, now we're up to like three or something, or what are we At now.
That was six.
So five.
Judge Milan.
Now, here's another.
This is another one in touch with God.
So Judge Judy, the first one, Maybelline was in touch with Jesus.
Judge Judy's in touch with God.
Judge Milan is so in touch with God that he gives her magic sneezes and it gives the people in the courtroom orgasms.
Check this out.
Hold on a second.
Hold on a second.
God bless you.
See?
Isn't that a gift?
This is just a little, that's enough.
That's a little side note.
She has some sneezes.
And look at the joy she brings.
She makes you ejaculate.
And not in a sexual way, in a joyous Jesus way.
All right, Judge Mathis.
This is what I like about Judge Mathis.
And this is sort of the crux of my whole argument, right?
A normal SCOTUS would see a black guy who's a rapper and he'd go, uh-oh, this is a rapper from the hood.
Maybe he's in the bloods or the crips or some cool black gang.
I should try to be dope with him.
No, Judge Mathis goes, I know what kind of person you are.
He recognizes that this guy is just pretending to be down.
He's actually a rich suburban kid with a white mom.
Check it out.
That's the inner city of Cleveland?
No, no, that's another city.
We live in the suburbs of Cleveland.
You got a studio, gangster.
I'm so dark.
I'm one of those gangster rappers who get in the studio and all of a sudden they turn into somebody else.
They've been grown up in the suburbs, no thugging in the neighborhood.
They watch a few videos.
That's what I want to be.
I want to be a thug rapper.
So when I get on Judge Mather's show, I'm going to play like I'm one.
Yeah, you understand?
That's not cheap.
You're a suburban kid.
Nailed it, Judge.
Street smarts, like these judges, they know the people.
All the SCOTUS recommendations I've seen are Ivy League academics who don't know what they're doing.
All right.
Now, my last three, and I can't remember where I am with the numbers.
I'm probably wrong.
I'm not good at numbers.
I'm basically like a chick when it comes to math.
But my last three are the same one.
Gavin, you can't have three judges fill one SCOTUS position.
Yes, you can.
This is a triumvirant.
This is like the dog at the gates of hell who has those three heads.
They manage to combine and play off each other and intertwangle with one point.
One person will say something.
They're sort of like something out of like Alice in Wonderland or something.
They'll say something, and the other one will add to it, and the other one will add to it.
This is one person combined into three.
So I am combining these last three as my three, two, one.
My first top three choices for SCODUS are from the show Hot Bench.
Dungeon Mango, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
We both need to look at that.
I forgot to explain why I chose this particular clip.
I'm talking about the amazing variety of people in this country.
What about Mexican racists?
Can anyone deal with them?
We've got a race war going on in South Central LA, South Central right now, all over Southern California.
MS-13 is murdering people just because they're black.
The press is totally silent about it, except one guy, Ryan Gerduski.
He wrote about it.
And I believe Reddit Alert Politics.
But these three, they see this guy, a Mexican racist, and they don't go, what the hell is that?
Don't you go through that?
And they go, no, no, no.
I'm going to read all his emails and Yelp reviews and nail him.
Unfazed.
Unfazed by this weird demographic.
Go ahead.
These emails and these text messages in the abstract.
But I think it would be appropriate for us to read them in open court.
Here's the Yelp review.
Do not rent from this low-life couple.
He is black.
She is who knows.
Don't do business with them.
They will rip you off.
Let me read another one of your interesting missives.
I'm on my way to your house.
And please don't make me do something stupid.
It's your day tomorrow.
Enjoy.
Happy all-in-caps Negro Day.
You want to wish me happy Negro Day?
You're lucky they didn't file charges against you because, quite frankly, if I were the deputy DA in the case, I would have filed a hate crime against you and I would have sought state prison time.
And frankly, sir, I know you don't want me to read those texts because I know you're probably uncomfortable.
You're uncomfortable with me telling you these things, but you called him something and you're looking at me and you're like, oh my God, I hope that girl doesn't read the texts.
Well, I did.
And I think you meant it.
I think if you just didn't like him, if you thought they ripped you off, there's a way of saying, you ripped me off.
You guys are scumbags.
You went somewhere else and you went there deliberately.
Yes, I did.
What's your ethnic background?
Hispanic, I wonder.
So you yourself must have been the subject of this type of ridicule, abuse, persecution because of your ethnic group.
We have, I assume she's Italian.
We got an Italian woman, a normal cis white male, and then a black woman.
This pick that I'm picking combines all three into one.
So it's basically everyone in the world except a Hispanic guy.
And for the Hispanic ones, we'll get, is Sonia Sota Mayar still on the Supreme Court?
We'll get her to handle the Hispanic cases.
Ethnic background, am I correct?
How dare you?
How dare you turn around and do that to someone else?
How dare you?
I'm done.
Look, America is a melting pot, and it's full of hundreds of thousands of different types of people.
We need a street judge who is aware of the myriad of the diverse public, all the different types of criminals we have, from women who were suing their mother for being too black, to racist Mexican dudes, to guys who turn into dogs, to dudes who aren't in touch with God and aren't magic.
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