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Feb. 21, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
37:06
Get Off My Lawn #86 | Hold Their Fire
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Time Text
Hey guys, that's day two here, Tuesday.
We got the second installment of your musical education.
You've been listening to all this homophobic crap, and now you can finally hear what real music is like.
This is a British band that is queer positive, pro-trans, pro-homo-awareness, pro-queer, pro-2-spirit, pro-polyamorous.
They're from London and Glasgow.
And you can tell by the music that they have a lot going on upstairs, unlike my brother and his exceptionally racist, bigoted, stupid show.
Oh, my iPhone's ringing.
Hold on a sec.
Hello?
Hi, I'm doing a show.
What's up?
Okay, bye.
That was my partner.
And I'm not going to say girlfriend or boyfriend because it doesn't matter because sometimes it's a girlfriend, sometimes it's a boyfriend, sometimes it's in between, as shopping are.
By the way, can you deny, like, let's up on our homophobes?
And then when you finally allow queer people to make music and you allow them into the form, you hear what they can do.
I heard you say we're learning.
I wanna listen.
Turn your head.
I heard you say.
Isn't that awesome?
Sounds like Funboy 3 or something.
Anyway, today's idiotic show, I can't believe he does this every single day.
This is getting...
And it wasn't that hard, but they did have to get up kind of early.
Day two of filling in, working every single day of the week.
You know, I support the workers, and I enjoy Billy Bragg's album, Workers' Playtime.
I should have made that the intro.
Maybe we'll make that the outro.
But I don't think you have to work every single day as a worker.
You need time to replenish yourself.
You have to recharge your batteries.
We're all essentially electric cars in that sense.
We need our solar power.
We need to go out in the parks and just take in life and watch movies and enjoy various vegan snacks.
Working this hard is not healthy for you.
That's why.
And capitalism is generating too much money in many ways.
We're making too much.
Anyway, today, Gavin tries to mock an incredibly intellectual comedy video where they show a Trump supporter trying tacos for the first time.
And, you know, Gavin doesn't seem to understand it, but for all the talk they do about how much they hate Mexicans and how much they hate diversity and how much they hate multiculturalism, they would hate to give up all the restaurants.
And that's what's so great about multiculturalism.
You can have Somalian one day, all vegan.
You can have Mexican one day, all vegan.
You can have vegan pizza.
You can have all these different cultures serving you food.
And then he's going to make fun of emotional support animals because he doesn't understand that, because he eats animals and doesn't understand that they have value in human life.
So that's going to be petty and ridiculous.
And then he's going to show a cop bullying a girl whom he will refer to as a spoiled brat.
And he'll pretend that she deserves whatever this cop is doing here in the police state.
And finally, it'll just come back to me.
And I'm going to find Workers' Playtime in the interim and play it for you because it's a really good pro-Mau record.
Okay, I don't think I get jokes anymore.
A joke has to have a semblance of a point.
And this video is called, This Trump Supporter is About to Learn About Tacos for the First Time.
Now, as a new right dude, I say, the idea that we've never heard of tacos is ridiculous.
So if you think that, you're dumb.
So that makes this video a mockery of the left.
But I don't think that's what they're going for.
What they're going for is these dummies, they probably don't even realize that Mexicans make tacos and Mexico brought us tacos.
And if they ever tried a taco, then they would freak out.
How could you not know that we've tried tacos?
Anyway, let's start it.
What are your issues with Mexico and Mexican culture?
If we're not careful, America is going to completely turn into Mexico.
I want to give you something to try here.
Clause it here.
Clause it.
That has happened in California.
There are entire sections that are basically indistinguishable from nice parts of Mexico.
There's entire sanctuary cities where they speak Spanish in the town halls.
You have tons of people in California who are unilingual Spanish.
So no, we don't think all of America's going to turn into Mexico.
I'm not sure what you're mocking there, but Mexification is definitely a problem in the Southwest.
I don't get that joke.
And no Trump supporter has ever said that all of America is going to become Mexico.
We'll lose everyone, and there'll just be one Mexican state.
That's not the issue.
The issue is there's too many illegals.
Just because you say there's too many is something, doesn't mean you're indicating that they're going to take over the entire country.
Obviously.
And that's the crux of me choosing this video.
Obviously.
It's my new favorite word, actually.
Like if the kids are loading the dishwasher and they're putting it up facing the jets and I go, the plates have to be down facing the jets.
Obviously.
I didn't take a night course in dishwashers and I didn't take a night course in logic.
All right, go ahead.
Here, you want to try this?
What is this?
It's a taco.
What did you call this?
A taco?
Taco.
I have no idea what this is.
What's that around the sides of it?
That's a tacilla.
A tortellini?
Stop!
Now, this guy's got good comic timing, by the way.
You can just tell funny people.
He's clearly a funny person.
I used to bond with those kind of guys until they all became dogmatic liberals and now we don't get along.
But I hate tacos.
I think they're a stupid food.
The cheeseburger is the greatest invention ever made.
And it's so American because you've got the juiciness, you've got the meat, you've got your carbs with the bread, you've got your tomato, your lettuce, your onion in there, you've got all your food groups.
And it's a very to-go food.
You just like bite into it, you're running around, you're over here.
You don't have to sit down like the French with your five course meals.
And tacos are like a crappy hamburger.
You took one of the buns, you flattened it, and you folded it.
And now, look how awkward it is to hold.
You've got to sort of like, any food where you have to poise your body, you don't have to do that to eat a hot dog.
Oh, my hot dog's spilling everywhere.
A taco, you have to eat twice.
Once you eat it, and all the stuff falls on the plate, then the second you eat the stuff off the plate.
That is a sign of an inefficient food, but it's all you got with Mexico.
And again, this really is all they got.
Oh yeah, well, we enrich with the culture.
Vincente Fox was asked by New York Times Magazine, I've already mentioned this on the show, what's the greatest contribution from Mexico in the past 50 years?
And he said, the taco.
Stop putting all your eggs in a taco basket because a taco is not impressive.
It's okay lunch cuisine that's hard to eat.
All right, go ahead.
What's that green guacamole?
Whac-a-mole?
Guacamole.
Okay, I'm going to need you to start speaking.
Okay, pause.
This is where the joke goes awry.
So he's never heard of guacamole and he calls it whack-a-mole?
You're doing a parody of how the left sees Trump supporters.
Trump supporters know what guacamole is.
So when you make a guy this absurd, you're saying the leftist view of MAGA is absurd.
Therefore, this is a conservative joke.
Greg Guttfeld says that all the time about Portlandia.
He goes, it lampoons liberals so well.
It's conservative comedy.
All right, go ahead.
And tell me what you think.
Look how hard it is to eat.
That meat is really, really juicy.
That's a Mexican food.
What?
No, no, no, no.
There's no way something this delicious could be invented by a Mexican.
This is the best food I've ever tasted in my whole life.
Can you just unbox it here?
I don't think the taco is Mexican per se.
I've been to Mexico many times.
You don't really see tacos off the tourist beaten track.
Like if you go to some CD bar, I went to a bar once in Mexico where you piss at the bar.
There's a trough there.
Women don't go in.
The real Mexico, real Mexican food, they don't really have tacos.
It's like China.
You go to China and they don't have like chicken balls and stuff and Captain, what's his name, chicken fried rice, whatever you call that stuff.
They don't really have that in China.
I think tacos are what's made in the amalgam of Mexican immigrants and America.
In other words, we made your food delicious.
You're welcome for that.
Go ahead.
Made these?
That is Mexican food.
Why do we treat them so poorly then?
How can I get more of this?
You could go to the taco truck down the street.
You can get something this delicious out of a Mexican truck?
I thought maybe I'd get this out of a five-star restaurant like Applebee's.
Have you ever heard of Taco Bell?
Yeah.
I thought that they were just a bunch of Mexican churches.
Mexican culture is more than just their cuisine.
Oh, really?
Stop, stop.
All right, so this is another part where this thing falls apart.
So again, he's never heard, he thought Taco Bell were churches.
Again, it's a parody on how the left sees Trump supporters.
But they put all their eggs in the taco basket, but then they also go, it's their art and their, let's see examples of this wonderful Mexican culture.
And again, you have to counteract the lowering the wages, what the increase in population does to the environment.
All the greenies can't like that.
You look at the population in America, and it's all immigrants.
The locals haven't really increased their population.
They're having one to two kids.
It's the Mexicans that are responsible for the increase in American population.
If you're a true environmentalist, you should be concerned about overpopulation.
Crime is obviously a factor.
We keep hearing about these illegals with drunk driving, especially in sanctuary cities.
Obviously, MS-13, as Donald Trump put it, they're not sending their best.
So we have, and John Lott did some studies on this in Arizona about the abnormally high percentage of Hispanics and especially illegals that are responsible for crime.
Go look at LA's most wanted list, the FBI.
Go look at any southwestern, actually go look at any most wanted list.
And you are going to see a shocking amount of Hispanics.
They are contributing a disproportionate number of crime.
What about sanctuary cities?
They have less crime than Detroit and Chicago and Baltimore.
Yeah, but for whatever reason, those cities are all black.
And black and crime tend to have a correlation.
I believe it's welfare shattering the family, but there's a million reasons for that.
That's a whole other vid.
All right, go back to this.
Can I get another taco?
I'm going to quit my job and just need tacos.
Why hasn't Fox News done a piece on these?
Fox News wants you to believe Mexicans are bad.
What?
I guess I got to stop watching Fox News though.
Just pause it there.
Fox News wants you to think that Mexicans are bad.
That's why they haven't done a piece on tacos.
How is that not a parody of the left?
Like, if you're making fun of someone, shouldn't there be a semblance of truth?
There's not a semblance of truth here.
Mega men have heard of tacos.
And they're not going to stop watching Fox News because Fox News doesn't glorify the taco.
I mean, I'm overanalyzing comedy, but it just shows how bad the left is.
I think the problem is leftist comedy is communism now because they bought comedy, right?
Comedy Central, you can't be right-wing and work at Comedy Central.
You can't be right-wing and be on TV these days.
You can barely tweet or be on Facebook if you're remotely right-wing.
In fact, they call us all far-right if we're just remotely right.
So after buying comedy, it's sort of like Mugabe in Zimbabwe.
He owns the whole country.
Might as well just let it die and eat 400-year-old turtles and give my kids Ferraris and Rolexes.
That's comedy in America today.
This is the Mugabe of jokes.
All right, go ahead.
Oh my God.
Can I have another taco, please?
Donald Trump building the border wall is literally ripping a delicious taco out of my son's mouth.
No, we'll still have tacos.
There's no reason to hate Mexican people.
I'm not racist anymore.
What did you call it?
A taco.
Taco.
Taquito.
No taco.
Oh, just a taco.
Good.
Last chance.
you you You know what a great argument against the free market is?
Communists, you want to use this one?
It's called flying.
It's gotten cheaper and cheaper and worse and worse.
It's a nightmare.
When I go to DC to talk to CRTV, flying, it takes an hour and a half.
The train is four hours.
I take the train.
It's better.
It's the same price in total if you get them in advance.
And I like to go business class.
So it's like 400 bucks both ways.
I'd way rather take the train than fly.
I was on a flight recently from LA, and in first class, there were some dunce.
He looked like a really wealthy hairdresser, gay dude, probably.
He had two wiener dogs.
Two wiener dogs.
So he was sitting in his seat and then at his feet, and it's first class.
He had a lot of room.
He's got his two wiener dogs, and the second wiener dog leaned a bit into the woman next to him.
So I'm sitting to the left of them.
And the stewardess goes, do you have a problem with the dog being a little bit on your side there?
And she goes, yeah, I'm allergic to dogs.
I can't have him here.
And he gets all pissy.
Sorry, dude.
You don't deserve your wiener dogs.
It's a support animal.
No, it's not.
Support animal is a seeing eye dog for the blind where they'll fall downstairs and die if they don't have the dog.
Your companion animal?
It's just an animal you like.
You're happy around it?
Yeah, I know.
That's why people have pets.
It doesn't mean you're going to die if you don't have it.
No, you may not have this.
So he picked up his two wiener dogs, glared at that stupid bitch for being allergic to them.
And he probably goes, she's probably lying.
All right, so she's lying.
Sorry, you didn't get Every single flight.
It's just normal now.
Dogs, someone's got a bag and you see him sort of through the mesh staring at you, farting, whining.
So she takes, he has to go to coach.
They've got one seat in coach.
And then he has to have one wiener dog stuffed down by your feet there, like where you'd put your briefcase.
And then the other wiener dog is on his lap.
And he rotated him throughout the flight.
And she's just like, ah, two first-class seats because a gay stylist was selfish.
But I looked this up after I landed, and it is everywhere.
Did you know you can have a support, a miniature pony?
Can you imagine how much feces comes out of that thing's ass?
And you just have to sit there going, oh, it's bad enough.
Go to passengershaming.com, Dave.
It's bad enough.
We have people sticking their toes.
Well, don't show us while you go there.
Sticking their toes.
What would you do if you saw toes sticking out in between your seats?
I haven't seen it, I don't think ever.
But I would order a hot coffee and then go, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Oh my God, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
And you wouldn't get in trouble, right?
You didn't mast it in their face.
Or that other thing where women do where they put their hair over the seat and it's in your face.
This is why you can't bring scissors on a flight.
I would just maybe put jam in it or something.
One trick I do, I did a video for this for vans about where I put my feet up so they can't lean back.
If you lean back and it's not on an international flight where you're sleeping and the person behind you isn't leaned back, you're a sh ⁇ person and I don't want you to be my friend.
So if anyone actually don't subscribe to this show, if you're the kind of person who leans back, I'm like the guy saying Trump supporters don't watch my show.
If you lean back on your chair, don't watch my show.
I don't want you in my life.
You can only lean back if a kid is behind you or the person is leaning back already behind you or the seat is empty.
Otherwise, just don't go, I'm on my laptop trying to get work done and you crunch my tray into my stomach.
You suck.
Anyway, passenger shaming is a great place to see this.
But there was another woman.
This is old news now, but I have to include it if we're talking about this.
Bullshit companion lie.
And by the way, passengers, you are some of the worst people ever.
All these millennials sleeping at the gate, wearing their PJs, bringing stuffed animals, putting your toes everywhere, putting your feet straight up like that so your feet are in the air so I have to look at your feet, leaving crap everywhere.
Passenger shaming is shocking.
And all, and we're the bad guys, just because we're alcoholics who want to get drunk on a plane.
Screw you.
But anyway, this woman demanded she bring her companion, Peacock.
A peacock?
How the hell?
That's a giant bird.
Where does the tail go?
There's an general understanding, at least with that idiot with the dogs, he didn't take up more than his little allotted space.
But like with fat guys, you're taking up a lot of space.
I had this one.
My way to fly, if I don't fly business or first, I am stuck with coach.
I just get blind drunk, so I sleep the whole way.
And it's the best thing ever.
You have like four makers, and then you sit down in your chair, and they go, sir, we are.
And then the next thing you know, you're being rattled, sir, we're in New York.
Oh, I thought it was 3,000 miles away.
We were in the air for what, one second?
No, it was six hours, sir.
You were snoring and making everyone uncomfortable.
Thanks.
That's my companion.
That's my companion pet.
Booze.
One time I was on a plane and I sat next to this big fat pig and he had a normal head.
And that's a different kind of fat pig.
That's someone who's overindulged themselves.
I know all fat people have overindulged themselves.
But even when they have a fat neck and everything, you go, you were fat when you were a kid.
This guy was normal up until a few years ago.
And he just went normal, normal, normal, pajah.
And I was looking at him just thinking, you God, You love your self-indulgence.
Do you masturbate three times a day, too?
And then I was drunk and I fell asleep right on him, like right on him.
And I was using him as a giant pillow.
I woke up next to a Chinese gentleman.
And I said, What are you doing here?
What happened?
And he goes, Oh, I was asked to switch places.
And so I switched place because he don't want to be here.
A big man, no one to be here.
Why would you do that?
Excuse me, everyone.
Someone has a drunk guy next to him who keeps falling asleep on him and sees him as a giant pillow.
Anyone want to replace him?
I don't.
Like, why would you do that?
Did he get points?
Did my snores buy him air miles?
So the last case we'll do, and I wish there's something we could say to these people like, I don't like you.
F ⁇ you, was a young girl, and young girls are the worst at flying.
It's just a giant sleepover to them.
They wear slippers, they have their PJs on.
They sleep everywhere.
They bring stuffed animals, adults with stuffed animals.
And you think, back before the free market ruined this, back before capitalism killed us, you had steel cutlery and suits on.
Everyone was in first class back in the 60s.
Lady would have a nice hat on and you'd have your suit.
Good day.
Let's go to Los Angeles.
Mmm, ribeye steak, cooked on the plane, delicious.
I think I'll have a cigarette in a bourbon now.
Can you imagine how awesome that must have been?
You would need a private jet today to get a taste of what it was like to fly up until 1972.
I remember as a kid, we'd go to Scotland a lot.
When I was like six years old, so this would be 76, I'd go into the cockpit.
Hello, I'd like to meet the pilot, please.
No problem, kid.
I had a little book where they would sign and say the thing, and I had a little flight pin because we'd go back and forth to Scotland so much.
I had a little collected pilot's autographs.
They'd show me the buttons, and this one would kill us all if I flicked this.
And here, you can hold on to this thing.
No, I never touched the controls, but still, thanks a lot, Arabs.
Anyway, this girl, she brings a hamster on, and the stewardess says, sorry, no hamsters.
You can't have it as a companion pet.
It's a rodent.
It could get free.
How the f is a hamster necessary for your survival?
Could we have strayed farther from a seeing-eye dog, please?
Anyway, the best part is this stewardess browbeats this girl until she just flushes Tim, I assume that's his name, down the toilet.
And so Spirit Airlines feels bad because everyone's outraged because we're all a bunch of spoiled brats who don't find it funny when you flush a hamster down the toilet, even though they're basically just Mexican rats.
They bought her a new hamster, a new support.
Is it called a support rodent?
It's a replacement rodent, and it was a support rodent.
What in the Sam hell is going on?
This is what happened when we eradicated bullying and said you can't be mean to anyone.
I'm the only mean guy left in America.
Are you happy now?
Are you happy with your ponies and your support rodents?
No, you're not.
Okay, well, guess what?
You can't have me back.
I'm not going to be mean to these people because I'm going to punish you for outlawing bullying and jerks.
propositions.
As a father, you have a lot of concerns with your children.
You want them to respect authority.
You want them to be independent.
You don't want them to get bullied.
You want them to be able to pursue their dreams and be unfettered.
But we spoil our kids.
We are helicopter parents.
We don't let them get bullied.
We tell them to tell a teacher.
We also, many of us, especially the libs, tell us that cops are pigs and we should fry them up in a blanket and we don't revere the police.
By the way, folks, if you're listening here and you have bad parents, when cops approach you and they act corrupt and they act evil and they act like jerks, just seethe.
You hear me?
Just seethe.
You're not going to win.
You're not going to escape.
You're not going to beat him up.
You're not going to browbeat him.
You're not going to get out of the ticket by intimidating him and telling him some Citizens Rights Act bullshit.
The best you can do is document everything up here and file a report later on.
The cop is going to win.
That's his job.
That's what we hired him to do.
We said, here's a badge, here's a gun.
Always win.
But in the age of spoiled brats, we have plenty of children who don't understand this.
Let's roll one of the worst examples ever.
Chloe, what's her name?
Hey, Chloe.
Hey, keep your hands where I can see him, all right?
Hey, nah, nah, nah, nah.
Don't be moving your hands where I can't see him and shit.
Here's the deal.
My name's Patrick.
I'm with Bail Bonds.
The Bail Bonds company that bailed you out.
What you've done is you haven't made any of your payments.
Your father is not here to meet you.
You put your butt, your fuck.
Where's my dad?
He's not coming because he contacted us because you haven't made any of your bond payments.
You haven't made a single payment.
Your dad's not going to bail you out.
So tonight, you're coming with me.
And that's the end of it.
And that's the end of it.
Step out of your car for me.
No, I did.
Just pause.
Okay, you can step out of the car the easy.
Just pause.
No, I'm not doing that.
It reminds me of my buddy Chad.
When he was being born, his mom found it too painful.
And she said, stop, stop.
I can't do this.
We're not doing this.
I'm sorry.
Maybe we'll come back.
I'm not sure what you do, but I'm out.
Like a lady, he can't quit.
The baby's coming out of you.
I'm sorry.
That's the way it works.
A lot of women who have been spoiled, a lot of daddy's girls just have, and you can tell by their chubby arms that she's just been eating Hagandas whenever she wants.
This is the biggest problem, I think, with kids today, and I think it comes from illegals, not being familiar with the word no.
This is what's so great about sports.
Kids learn to lose.
They learn that some things just suck.
It sucks, but you're going to jail, my dear, because you have totally trivialized the fact that you got out on bail.
To get out on bail means you don't have to go to jail.
You should be thanking your lucky stars, praying to Lord Jesus Messiah.
Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
I don't have to be in jail.
Not just going, man, I'm going to drive around, maybe get some more ice cream, and tell a cop no.
Let's see how this goes down.
Easy way of the hard way.
You can call your dad in a second.
I'll let you call your dad when you get to my car.
You can do this easy way of the hard way.
Let me see your hand.
Stop making your hands disappear.
You want to do this the easy way or the hard way?
Stop making your hands disappear.
Let me see your hands.
Let's go, Diddy.
You can see she's got a moment.
Okay, that's fine.
We'll do this this way.
It's not hurting you.
Don't give me this fucking owl bullshit because I'm not going to buy it.
Step out of the car.
Everything you're doing is being recorded right here.
Do you understand?
Come over here.
What did I do?
Stand right here.
You didn't make your bond payments.
I've explained that to you four times.
Take this hand, put it on top of your head.
Don't move it.
Be okay.
You didn't.
You didn't.
That's just a fair.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Stop.
Stop.
It's not hurting you.
It's not hurting you.
You're fine.
I don't have a cat at home.
Okay.
I don't give a shit about your cat right now.
Okay, well, maybe you should make your bond payments, and then you have to worry about your cat.
No.
No.
Four months ago?
I didn't know you have to.
Bond payments.
Stop.
Stop.
It doesn't hurt in the water works again.
You know, stop.
Stop.
God, can you imagine?
Can you just pause it for a sec?
Can you imagine how exhausting it must be to be a cop?
I know he's not a cop, but any kind of enforcement agent like that, you must just have to deal with lies all day.
You're a professional lie listener.
No, I was, no, he was, No, what happened?
He owed me money and I was going to get money.
And then he works nights, so I had to come when he's off work at 3 in the morning.
And I'm in this neighborhood because my car was locked at a friend's house because my keys fell into my socks.
What?
No, that part was a joke.
I was scared.
They always say that on cops.
I was running because I was scared, yo.
Yeah, you were scared because you were committing a crime.
But yeah, the crying thing, you must just, after all, feel nothing.
In fact, the only thing you're worried about is, is this going to mess with my pension?
Can this video be played against me?
Am I going to lose in court?
But I don't think bail enforcement agents have much of a pension.
I don't know.
I actually didn't know what a bail enforcement agent was.
Isn't it just Dog the Bounty Hunter and then the actual police?
I didn't know there was another group in between those two.
All right, go ahead.
Your dad's not coming.
I just explained that to you.
You can call him as soon as you get back to my car.
He's not very happy with you.
Stop.
How old are you?
I'm not telling you.
How old are you?
I know how old you are.
You're my lawyer.
Okay, you want your lawyer, your dad.
You want to cry?
The only thing you're going to do right now is move your ass on over to my car.
Okay, Chloe, stand up.
Stop.
Oh, my God.
What a brat.
Okay, I'll force you.
Call Joseph Washington to be able to get away from this.
I'll force you to get this.
This is the daycare formation.
You want me to leave your car unlocked here?
With the window rolled down?
So why don't you start acting like an adult so we can button this up?
Make sense?
Okay.
Where your car keys at?
In the ignition.
In the ignition?
I won't move.
Okay, well, I'm going to hold on to you.
That'll be funny if she moves.
I don't care.
It doesn't work.
She can get a finger in bolt those cuffs.
There's no problem with these cuffs.
She runs at one mile an hour.
You could let her run away.
Check your email.
Call a friend.
Have a cigarette and then take your stuff.
Your dad's not here.
Stop.
Oh, my God.
This is exactly like being fucking ridiculous.
You know what's going on?
prefer to have you right there I've never seen it.
I can all the time in the world, sweetheart.
You can act like this all you want.
All it's going to do is delay the inevitable.
Okay, it's not going to change your going to jail.
We can take care of your cats.
We can have your dad go over there.
We can have somebody go over there.
Okay, okay.
You just got to make sure that they're fed.
Okay, I'm not making sure anything.
I'm making sure you go to jail.
I'm not meant to go to jail.
I'm not meant to go to jail.
Don't commit crime.
Wasn't there a rich kid who got away with that once?
There was a trial where the defense said he's too fragile to go to jail.
Yeah, I think they went on the land.
And that was his defense.
And I think it worked.
That's why when you're in court, you don't want to look stupid.
Stop.
Just be like this in the star.
I need water.
You don't need anything.
I need water.
You need to shut up.
Okay.
By the way, you notice I always have my hands up.
There's no reason for you to be acting like this right now.
She's ready to block.
You're acting like a two-year-old.
No.
Stand up.
Five.
Stand up.
Two-year-olds are sort of disoriented.
They're just like this.
They just look at it.
Do you have anything on you that I need to know about?
No.
You understand?
You take anything down to the jail with you becomes contraband, you can catch an additional charge for that, right?
Okay.
Okay, once again, anything else on you?
No.
Okay, I'm not going to search you because I don't want a female officer to search you, but they will search you comprehensively when they get down to the jail.
You understand that?
Yeah.
Okay, once again, anything else on you?
No.
Don't make it worse for yourself.
Okay, no.
What about the vehicle?
No.
No weed or nothing?
No.
Okay, nothing we need to lock up?
No.
Okay.
I need my cat.
I've made payments.
Stop.
If you made your payments, we wouldn't be here.
None of my kids talk like that.
I feel so sorry for this guy that he has to do with this.
Can you just pick up what you're in the back of your thing, by the way?
What's taking so long?
Walk.
I can do this all fucking day.
Okay, it's fine.
Let me sit right there.
When you decide you want to act like an adult, we can continue on to jail.
Until then, you can waste all your own time all you want.
I'm paid to be here either way.
This is exactly like a five-year-old.
I want my cat.
That's fine.
Dude, pick her up.
Your dad's not coming.
We just told you that.
Put your hands under there.
Kayla, do me a favor.
Let's take her car with us so we don't have to worry about these guys while we're searching through it.
Stand right here.
I'm not gonna let go of you.
Stop.
No, stop.
Why are you acting like this?
This is what you always act like.
I'm a good person.
You always act like a whiny little shit.
It doesn't want me to go away because I don't want to go away.
It wants you to go in.
It doesn't want me to go in.
The car isn't unlocking because it doesn't unlock.
I don't think your boyfriend tells me that you're not going to be able to put the light on for you.
I love you more.
No, I love you more.
That's a grown woman, right?
Finally.
That's a grown woman here.
Take it and follow me.
We'll search her car and get her together somewhere else.
The moral of the story here is you need to pay attention to your children.
I don't know how that girl got like that.
It must have taken a long time, a lot of years of whining.
You've allowed her to be on her screen.
You've been watching your screen, your TV, your daycares.
Pay attention to your kids or they will remain babies.
Great Leap Forwards.
One leap forwards, two leaps back.
Buy yourself a biking cycle all the way there and back waiting.
Great Leap Forwards.
Rightly forwards In a perfect world, we'd all sing in tune.
But this is a bike.
Early in the morning, leapfrogs.
Change your bike to yourself.
No one's gonna nick you.
Waiting for the great leapforwards.
Well, it's a mighty long way down rock and roll, but it's down on the way.
So you can coast if you've got a bike.
Track for the traffic.
Oh, it's doing a bike shop.
Leap forwards.
People like young women should keep quiet.
I just say free pussy riots.
Waiting for the great leap forwards.
Do you guys see the excitement you're missing out on?
The revolution's just a drop handlebar racing bike away I have to say this stuff.
I'm sorry.
It's all part of the deal.
Making fun of Captain.
You're waiting for the great leap forward.
Thanks very much.
Having a great time here this morning with you at the bike shop.
I sing for the Lovelore.
I sing for the radical.
I sing for the Saddle Saw.
Come see me.
Thanks, everybody out there on KEXP.
I'll see you.
Brilliant, as per us.
That album is Workers Playtime, Billy Bragg, where it's an ode to Mao and not the 70 million eggs he had to break to make an omelette, but the incredible progress they made over in China during the revolution and during all socialist revolutions.
You know, in Cuba, they talk about the downside all the time.
Or Venezuela, they freak out about someone had to line up for food.
Bernie Sanders pointed this out really clearly once.
He said, yeah, sure, they talk about having to line up for food, but that's better than having no food.
You know, a lot of these countries in capitalism, there'll be one guy with all the food, and no one else will get food.
Like Mary Antoinette, there had to be a revolution before the people were allowed to have cakes.
Before that, she had all the cakes to herself.
And eventually they broke down the door.
She said, fine, let them have some.
You know, that's what socialism is about.
It's about revolution.
That's what Billy Bragg is about.
And that's ultimately what Mao and my main man Shay was.
I almost used the N-word there against my will.
This has been day two of a lot of work, to be quite frank.
Getting all these together, putting the songs underneath.
I'm not doing it.
He does by himself.
He does these cards where he writes the thing and he gets some pictures from getting images.
I'm not doing that.
That takes like another hour.
How many hours?
This whole idea of capitalism with 40 hours a week, you know how many hours slaves worked?
Probably a similar amount.
So in many ways, capitalism in America is like slavery, but without the whipping and the rapes.
And I'm not saying that it's the same as that.
Whipping and rapes are way worse, but you're still kind of a slave if you're a capitalist.
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