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Jan. 19, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:00:23
Get Off My Lawn Podcast #17 | We jumped a guy the other night

This isn’t going to happen again but this episode is just about my week. It gets its own show because it involved: knife fights, spies, cocaine, heroin, prison, guns, Anthony Cumia, James O’Keefe, Milo Yiannopoulos, Ann Coulter, Artie Lang, Stefan Molyneaux, Mike Cernovich, antifa, Proud Boys, and police. It’s been the most insane time of my life and the week isn’t even over yet.

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Time Text
We jumped a guy the other night.
At least that was the allegations that his friends in Hawaii made.
I was going to make the first sentence, I've had a hell of a week.
But it doesn't make for a very enticing title.
And the title of this podcast is always the first sentence.
So I gotta really grab you with the headline.
So that's the headline.
We jumped a guy.
But it was more nuanced than that, and he was not jumped.
He was dealt with in a normal, draconian manner.
So I've had about five humdingers of stories this week.
So unlike other podcasts where I focus on one thing, like Costa Rica or a trip to Italy, I'm just going to tell you about my week, and it's as exciting as any other story, because it's been a hell of a week, as I said.
So I started this group called the Proud Boys.
It's just a men's club like the Knights of Columbus or the Shriners or something.
It's a place where men can get together in a chick-free zone.
We tend to be all pro-Trump, but so are the Masons, so are the Knights of Columbus.
It's just dudes and dads and cops and military guys, and we just drink Budweiser and sing.
The song, Proud of Your Boy, from the musical Aladdin, as men are wont to do.
And one of our guys is moving to Texas.
He's actually our hunkiest member, so our average look, our median look is going down, unfortunately.
Actually, no, he won't affect the median as much as he'll affect the average.
That's one thing I did learn in high school.
He's going to Texas and I said I said to him about I go I don't I mean I Envy you in that's in the sense of Texas Everyone has their head screwed on correctly and they love the Constitution and they love guns and they love America But I couldn't be in a microwave for six months of the year and he goes the heat you can deal with but look at this I see these about every mile and he showed me a picture of a
An American flag on a gigantic pole in front of a building like a carpet store or something, and it was the size of a house.
Texans have house-sized American flags everywhere.
Here in New York, an American flag is seen as fascist.
It's sort of like Paris or Sweden or London, where if you're patriotic, you are clearly a Nazi because you like the country that destroyed the Nazis.
Sounds logical.
Anyway, so he's going away.
So it's not a real meet-up.
We're not wearing our shirts and we're not having our normal ceremony with the gavel and the hear ye, hear ye, say aye.
We're just drinking beers.
And this kid shows up.
And I don't know him.
And how did he know about this event?
Now, obviously, we are constantly under threat from Antifa because we beat them up.
And we don't go to their things.
But when they come to our things, like a free speech rally, we pound them until we get arrested.
And in New York that's fun because they're all rich kids.
They're all academic sons of academics.
It's not like Berkeley where they're homeless teens who were raped as children and were taken in by Yvette Flarka and will kill for the Queen, the Queen Bee, the giant larvae producing beast who sits in the basement of the home that Soros bought and hands them out smoothies.
Berkeley Antifa are dangerous.
That's why when you confiscate their weapons, they have these knives that'll plunge into your neck.
Whereas New York Antifa, the only weapon they have is pepper spray, which they hit you with and then run away.
Anyway, we always have to be aware that they're going to infiltrate us.
James O'Keefe style.
And also feds.
There's also feds that think we're a hate group and they join us.
And there's even guys in our group I think are feds, but I'm sure they've discovered that we're cool guys.
And so I think, I'm hanging out with a fed and I like cops, so welcome aboard.
It must be the best gig if you're a spy and you infiltrate the Proud Boys because you're just drinking beer with a bunch of cool guys once a month.
Anyway, so I'm always aware of that, and I'm aware that people want to kill me.
And, uh, when I walk down the street, you know, I have eyes in the back of my head, and if someone's following me too close, I sort of move over to the right and make sure.
I'm always aware.
My hands are always up by my tits.
And, uh, so I'm aware of this guy, and he tells me That he's facing a weapons charge for having a handgun in New York.
Now, for those of you who don't know, New York City is unhinged when it comes to weapons.
Brass knuckles, paintball guns, BB guns, scuba guns, five-year minimum boom.
So what?
When you hear someone has an illegal gun, and they're not in a gang, you go, what the fuck were you thinking?
So I don't really know if I believe him.
It sounds like a lie.
And then he said he had hollow point shells.
I don't know a lot about guns, but I assume that's a bullet that explodes when it hits your skin and makes a gigantic, unsealable hole.
And I go, well, that was not smart.
He goes, yeah, I got it for 150 bucks.
I had it in my glove compartment.
Again, you had a car in New York?
That's the second dumbest thing to have in the city.
And he goes, yeah, parking was hard.
I had in my glove compartment and I was dating this chick and she was crazy.
And so after I broke up with her, she told the cops.
Now as a side note, I can't tell you how many guys I know who are in trouble with the law.
And it somehow goes back to abroad.
And... I'm an anti-femite.
I'm like an anti-semite, but I directed at women.
And it's not women per se.
It's women that have been polluted with feminism.
And they are like robots who've been dipped in water.
They're malfunctioning robots.
I call them shit chests because it's like you took the glowing orb out of Iron Man's chest and replaced it with a piece of poo.
So Iron Man is cool.
In its purest form, with the glowing orb.
The women I bitch about are the shit chests.
It's the ones that have been polluted with feminism.
They've had children taken away from them, so they end up just being busybodies and policing you and telling you that you have to go to the corner and telling you that you need to eat your vegetables.
Actually, they do do that, right?
They become vegans and vegetarians and they tell us, they literally tell us we have to eat our vegetables.
So, as a side note, I go, that sucks for you.
Damn broads.
I do my spiel about how I want to get racists and anti-semites over on my side to attack the shit chests, because they're the real problem with society.
I call them balls now.
B-A-W-L.
Boomer, Angry Women Liberals.
They're the ones messing with everything.
They're the ones that got Obama elected.
B-A-W-L.
And, uh, so we're talking some more.
And he's acting strange.
And he has a strange little sweater on.
And he's wearing our uniform, the black and yellow Fred Perry.
No one's wearing those tonight.
And we're at a going away party for John, the hunk.
Uh, why are you, you don't know him?
You're visiting from Hawaii and you're here at a going away party?
What?
And he's got like a sweater on that you would get from a Salvation Army.
It's like a yellow ratty orange sweater with the Fred Perry coming out and it's going too low and you can see his t-shirt which looks weird.
And then he has these diamond earrings which usually means I don't have a dad.
That's what diamond earrings mean.
And I'm wondering why this fatherless child, who's dressed like he's on Sesame Street, is coming to this going away party for someone he doesn't know.
It's all acting very suspicious.
And then I find out later, I didn't know about this, our buddy Mike is talking to him and he goes, yeah, I'm gonna get my, the little kid goes, I'm gonna get my third degree when I'm in, in the clink, because I'm looking at three and a half years minimum on Wednesday.
And Mike goes, don't do that.
That's stupid.
Don't get a tattoo in prison.
You know, I'm sure we can raise money for you.
We'll help you get a tattoo here.
They're only about 50 bucks.
I think I've got that on me.
And then the guy, I didn't know this, pulls a gigantic knife on him and says, oh yeah.
And Mike had to leave anyway, and he goes, oh shit.
All right, you're out of your mind.
I'm leaving.
And then he goes up to another buddy of ours, Max, and he goes, by the way, that weird kid just pulled a knife on me and it wasn't in a jokey way.
So keep an eye out.
I gotta go.
So he leaves.
And Max immediately goes up to the kid and goes, What's going on?
You're pulling knives on people?
How is that funny?
Did you do it in a jokey way?
He goes from smiling to dead serious scared face, then pulls the knife on Max!
Now, I know Max well, right?
And I've been in fights with him.
He's a good dude.
He actually, he works on the railroads.
And apparently, down there, where they all make obscene amounts of money, by the way, these guys who work at Penn Station, you know, on the tracks, they're all blue-collar dudes, and in New York, that often means $180,000, $200,000 a year.
Like, if you see the parking lots, it's all Mercedes-Benzes and BMWs.
So it's a weird class of people.
These, hey, what's going on?
I asked him, what's a blue-collar drink these days?
Because I've noticed in the suburbs where I live now, they do this weird thing where they'll have a martini, like a martini glass, with their own shaker by them.
I've never seen this before.
So they'll have, like, a tough guy who works in sanitation, just sitting down at the bar, watching the game, with an apple martini and his own shaker.
It's bizarre.
So I say to him, I go, is that a thing?
Blue-collar thing you guys have?
And he goes, look, you're asking the wrong guy.
All the guys I know drink Hennessy.
They are the elites.
The top 1% are the bottom 1% in Manhattan.
If you can wrap your head around that.
Anyway, he's a good boy.
And I know that if he says he pulled a knife on me, it wasn't like, yeah, I have this knife right here.
Which, in New York, is a big deal, by the way.
Even a knife.
If you have a knife on you, that's a huge deal.
You can have a Leatherman, I believe.
But you can't have a knifety knife.
No, they measure it by the blade.
I believe it's five inches or something.
So he pulls a knife on Max now.
And here's what it is.
Well, no, I'll get to that later.
I'll get to that later.
So he pulls a knife on Max.
So Max is a New Yorker.
He's used to conflict.
On the tracks, by the way, every time there's a conflict, they go, all right, well, you'll have to fight it out.
They have a fighting room.
This black guy was giving him all these stats about like men in prison and how racist America is and Max went home and researched and he came back the next day and goes, Marcus, you're wrong.
This stat was off by about 300% and he broke down all the stuff that the guy had said the previous day.
So he goes, I want to fight you.
And instead of going, what?
That's idiotic.
They go, okay.
And they go to the fighting room.
I guess it's where the coffee is and they have a fight.
So part of his job is fighting.
So this weird little Muppet kid pulls a knife on him.
He, Jason Bourns it out of his hand, knocks him down, and shoves the kid away and puts the knife.
And then I come over, I go, what the hell's going on?
And he goes, you just pulled a knife on me.
And I thought, I fucking knew it.
I knew you were Antifa.
I knew you were a spy.
And I knew, now I know you're here to kill me.
That's even worse than spying.
James O'Keefe just takes your conversations.
This guy was going to take my life.
And I felt this Scottish rage.
Holy shit was I mad.
And so I put his hands behind his back and I grabbed his wrists and I myself was shocked at the strength I had.
That's the thing about us little Glaswegians.
We don't look strong, but we're like ants.
In fact, sometimes if I'm moving like a couch, I'll pretend the couch raped my brother.
And I can just go, you bastard!
And just lift up a couch by myself.
A fold-out couch.
You raped my brother!
And I just fill the whole moving van alone.
In a rage.
With tears of rage, as Cory Booker would say.
And so with my, my hand becomes like Aziz Ansari's claw, but a rage claw.
And I hold his wrist together.
I know you won't believe this, but I swear to God, he could not have freed himself from this grip.
With one hand, I was holding both his wrists, and I'm surprised I didn't break them.
They were an iron bar.
I could have towed a car with this super grip.
So I grab him by the back with a super grip.
I take him outside.
Getting angrier and angrier, by the way, as we do this, because I'm thinking in my head, what are we doing here?
Are we planning a robbery?
Are we planning to blow up the White House?
Are we planning a murder?
Are we planning a gay rape fest?
Is there going to be a meeting of NAMBLA?
No.
It's ten guys saying goodbye to their buddy.
And you want to come and wreck that?
That makes me madder than anything.
I understand if there's a riot and you're There's communists versus, you know, capitalists or whatever.
I was going to say anarchists, but communists are anarchists now.
That's guys who went to fight, like the Mods and the Rockers on Brighton Beach.
I get it.
You guys both went there to fight.
That's one thing.
But for someone in a free country to come and wreck my going away party, I'm apoplectic at this point.
I'm ready to murder.
So I, by the time we get to the door, I don't think his feet are touching the ground.
I'm lifting him up and I take him outside and I kick his legs out from under him and I slam him down on the ground.
I go, put your hands behind your back!
And so he puts his hands behind his head, sorry, and then I put my foot on his chest.
And when I put my foot down, his shirt slides up, and guess what?
He's wearing a wire.
Now I'm beyond pissed.
I'm out of control at this point.
So I reach down, I just rip it off!
And he's acting innocent.
He's not acting like someone who was caught doing a crime.
So my instincts are starting to falter now.
I'm starting to be less sure of what just happened.
And he goes... This is where it all starts changing, by the way.
He goes, that's my insulin pump.
I did think it was kind of weird that you were wearing a wire so low on your body.
I've worn a wire when I was working for Project Veritas.
It goes pretty high up.
I mean, you have the camera on your chest, really.
Your mic is up there.
It's all going to be near your head, right?
Not on your belly.
So with my foot on his chest, I Google the name on the back of the pump.
By the way, this is one day of this week.
And sure enough, it's linked to diabetes.
It's an insulin pump.
And then some more research and a couple phone calls.
We discover that he is a proud boy from Hawaii.
He is here on a drug charge.
He did have hollow point shells.
He does have diabetes.
Have you noticed guys with diabetes kind of have a death wish?
I mean, they're not going to make it to my age.
They're going to have no hands and no feet by the time they're 47.
So they're particularly reckless, this crew, the diabetics.
So that's probably why he did it.
That's why my instincts were skewed.
And this is sort of thing has happened before, and this is about to get super gay.
So hold on to your hats.
Because I'm sort of the founder of this group, When there's new kids, and they're young, like millennials, I think they get nervous, because it's like Ahmaud meeting Paul Weller, or a punk meeting Malcolm McLaren.
So they overdo it with the vodka shots, and then they start getting erratic.
And they do dumb things like pull knives on people as a joke.
So that poor bastard, he ran off.
Thank God we didn't call the cops.
Holy crap, he would have been screwed.
Because he would have had a knife charge on top of a gun charge.
I mean, he'd be in prison for 15 years.
Guaranteed.
We were one phone call away.
Thank God we didn't call the cops.
But it was handled, and the Hawaii chapter was very angry, and they ended up apologizing, and I still talked to that guy.
He had his trial on Wednesday.
It's looking very good for him.
She also said that she was stalking him, that he was stalking her, and they discovered that she's insane, and now they're starting to realize he's just a weirdo with diamond earrings who bought a gun on the street, and he wasn't gonna kill anyone.
He's got no priors.
I think he might get away with probation.
I'm not sure.
So that was Saturday night.
And then, on Monday, I do this thing where I'm filling in for Artie Lang.
Now, the story, I don't want to be a rat, and I consider Artie a friend, a peer, a great guy.
And the Anthony and Artie show, so this is Opie and Anthony, right?
Anthony Cumia.
He split with, uh, Opie when he had some, he had a tweet tirade after he took a picture of some black tranny and she attacked him.
Uh, it attacked him.
And one of the things he said was, these people, meaning blacks, have this knee-jerk reaction to violence with no in-between.
It's zero to 60.
And that was deemed racist.
And, uh, he lost his job.
Opie didn't have his back.
But instead of hiding, he does what we all do.
And we talked about this, actually, on his show, which...
We just keep coming back.
We keep getting up off the mat.
We're like Rocky.
And he started his own network called The Compound.
Compound Media, named after his house, which is like a compound.
It's got incredible security, a generator that could last a week, guns galore, cameras galore.
He's got a Waco compound in his suburban home.
His suburban home is a Waco compound, I should say.
Which is good, because Looney's come by his house.
So, Artie Lange, the story I got...
Is he's addicted to drugs, right?
And I think what he does is cocaine and heroin.
But he's scared of needles, so he snorts cocaine and heroin.
Not uncommon with comedians, actually.
Isn't that what Richard Pryor blew himself up doing?
What was it?
A speedball?
Where he mixed coke and crack?
I don't know.
Crack and heroin?
It must be a weird buzz.
I've done both those drugs.
Coke is Chatty Cathy powder.
And heroin is just like falling asleep during fellatio.
So, I don't know how you could be a Chatty Cathy while you're falling asleep receiving oral.
Uh, that seems like a bizarre high to me, but it's probably great.
I mean, if Artie's that addicted, it must be great.
What did you say?
Uh, Pryor suffered a heart attack.
He was taken- No, no, no.
That doesn't help, David.
I don't care.
Find out what- He did like a speedball?
Richard Pryor burst into flames.
Find out what that was.
Although we will have moved on for the conversation by the time you dig it up It'll be boring and pull us back just like it's doing right now.
So forget it So I think it was snorting coke and heroin and Your nose is a very sensitive chap That membrane there, it's for detecting the slightest of smells.
One of the reasons a cold is such a nightmare is because that one vital resource, the tympanic membrane.
No, it's not tympanic, that's on a frog.
Your mucous membrane, that slender, delicate membrane in your nose, is doing a lot of work.
And when it's screwed up, your whole head is screwed up.
So he was doing coke and heroin, and then he tweets out a picture of his face where his nose looks like a caricature of W.C.
Fields.
You know that puppet show, Spitting Image?
Excuse me, I got a bit of a cold.
It looked like a spitting image puppet of W.C.
Fields.
So Keith the Cop, who runs Compound Media, just goes, uh, let's have a little break.
I think he takes him to rehab, goes to rehab.
So we have, you know, Aaron Berg fills in for him for a week, and I fill in for him for this week.
CRTV says it's cool.
Just promote your show, which I do, which I'm doing right now.
CRTV.com forward slash Gavin.
Get off my lawn with Gavin McInnes.
Very funny show.
Very exciting.
We go through the news and make fun of everyone.
I'm gonna release a sizzle reel actually maybe today on my YouTube of some of the past Highlights of the past I think we're up to like episode 60 or something so He says I'm gonna show up.
I've been clean.
It's been 35 days I can't believe it's been 35 days since he tweeted that picture of his giant nose, but time flies so maybe it was So he shows up on the show which is weird It's sort of like you're on a first date with someone And then their ex-husband shows up.
And you know they're gonna get back together.
That's actually a terrible analogy because Anthony and Artie, I think Artie starts this Monday.
In three days, he's gonna be back there.
But I don't know if that's a good idea.
Because I don't think he was clean when he showed up.
And this is, I'm probably gonna get in trouble for saying all this, but hold on.
He comes careening into the studio.
Right?
And I'm worried that he thinks that I'm here to take his job.
I don't want that job.
My job at CRTV is great.
Even if they offered me more than I'm making at CRTV, I've got a contract with CRTV for a long time.
I'm not leaving.
So I'm just doing a solid.
I have no interest in Artie Lang's job.
I did a couple years ago, but I've since moved on to greener pastures.
And I love, like, if you have a terrible thing to do, like the dishes or fixing up your workshop or cleaning up the garage, you put on the Artie and Anthony Show and it's just the time whips by and doing your job is fun.
It's fun doing the dishes because it's almost like, you know, when you're having a long dinner and you're playing with the candle wax.
During a conversation, it's sort of like that.
You have something to do while you're listening to this.
And, you know, when they talk about a picture, you can stop and look at it.
Great show.
So, I want that to continue.
But anyway, now I'll talk trash.
So, he comes careening into the studio, spinning, rotating 360 degrees.
Now, we've all sort of lost our footing sometimes, but this was at ballerina levels.
And you can look this up online, compoundmedia.com.
He's got the gloves that you handle negatives with.
Right?
Those white gloves.
And they're not... I'm not talking about a butler white gloves.
Hell yeah, sir!
Where they're thick and they have those three lines in the back like on Mickey Mouse's hands.
I'm talking about cheap, garbage, really, really, really thin cotton gloves.
The kind that you buy in a pack of 50.
So he's got those on.
He has a cigarette, not lit, in his hand, and he's dressed like a homeless man.
So he comes careening in, and he sits down, and I want to show that I'm not threatening your job, so I sort of, I bow down to the alpha, and I move one chair over, and I don't say anything, and I let him talk.
He's rambling on about Stuttering John, which is this comedian who was on the Whack Pack on Howard Stern.
And Anthony and him both hate the guy, so it's a common ground they can always riff about.
But for everyone else, they're like, yeah, I think I remember Stuttering John, especially millennials.
They don't know who Stuttering John is, so it's a strange tangent to get on.
And he says, I'm wearing these gloves because my hands are cracking because of the diabetes.
Now that's true that you have terrible circulation, right?
But if your hands are so dry they're cracking, you'd have maybe surgical gloves on and tons of cream or something.
Something plastic.
Not thin cotton.
Thin cotton is going to usurp the moisture from your hand.
So that was weird.
And then it gets weirder.
He says he was hanging out with a rapper named Crucifix, which I believe, but he had made a joke about a prison guard who was there.
I don't believe that.
And they, to punish him, they put him in GenPop, general population.
I don't believe that for one second.
And I know cops.
I talk to cops about this.
And they go, when a celebrity's in there, you're shitting your pants because you know every single molecule of his experience is going to be made public.
And if you even have the slightest screw-up, If you stray from procedure one iota, you could lose your pension, lose your job.
So you're walking on eggshells, and for that reason, they never put celebrities in GenPOP.
They don't put anyone remotely weird in GenPOP.
They don't put trannies in there, pedophiles.
They probably wouldn't even put a punk in GenPOP.
Like if he had particularly colorful hair, I bet they would put him in a private cell.
Just to be safe.
It's not that corrections officers care about you.
They just don't want to get in trouble.
Because if you retire at 40, you make 80 grand a year.
We're talking about millions of dollars are on the line here.
So he says he went to Gen Pop.
And then he says, they were beating me and dragging me by my hair.
Now, Artie's a fat guy.
I don't think he'll deny that.
I don't think you can grab him by the hair.
That's like grabbing Jabba the Hutt by his eyelashes.
The eyelashes are gonna come out.
His hair's not strong enough.
What are you, Superman?
I'm gonna drag you by the cape?
You can't drag Artie Lang by his thin, grey hair.
He has like a thousand of them.
You could count his hairs in an afternoon.
So I don't believe that.
And then he says, they got up there and they're beating me with this lead pipe.
Beat me in the back.
What?
I said to him, I go, what is this, Papillon?
That might be an old reference for you, but it was an old Steve McQueen film, a true story about a guy who was in some ancient prison in the, whatever, early 1900s.
First of all, there aren't lead pipes.
Lead pipes are from the 50s before we knew that lead gives you brain damage.
Who has lead pipes lying around?
It's like Bay Stickman is facing trial now because they claim his stick was a lead pipe.
And Kyle Bay Stickman goes, where am I going to get a lead pipe from?
I bet they're a hundred bucks on eBay.
They're probably illegal to sell.
So you're telling me, Artie Lang, that prison guards held you down and beat you with a lead pipe repeatedly?
And then he takes off his hat and he has a mullet.
The front of his head is shaved.
Closed shave, military shave, but the back is still long.
And he goes, and then they shaved my head.
They said they weren't going to shave the whole thing, just the top.
Now this could just be comedy, and you're speaking in a colorful way to amuse people, but it's not even close to the truth.
As far as I'm concerned.
And I was talking to a cop about it later and we both came up with this theory.
He's on methadone.
He is clean, he did kick heroin.
Still doing coke, which is why he was acting so kooky and doing spins and stuff.
Still snorting it, still destroying that poor nose.
You know what happens to these people?
They lose their septum.
The skin in between your nostrils.
Bob Beckel has this too.
And already when I was on the show previously, I noticed he always has blood on his top lip.
He always has a nosebleed, which he claims is a diabetes.
But that's... It's like a little kid with snot, you know?
Like he could wipe it and then the red would just come back.
Bob Beckel was the same way on The Five, right?
The liberal that was on Fox News.
He would get nosebleeds on the show!
This membrane can't handle abuse!
And you see that with British people.
You know how British people do endless coke?
It's totally normal to meet some British partying chick and she has no septum.
It happened to Stevie Nicks too.
She had to do her cocaine anally.
So we just pour a little bump into her butthole.
Lucky guy.
Anyway, um... So...
He, he, I think he was on methadone and coke.
And then, and then the other theory that we're working on, and I'm sorry Artie if you're hearing this and it seems disrespectful, but just a theory.
You were acting strange and people come up with weird theories after you're acting strange.
He says he's facing jail time for possession.
So one is going to start pontificating about the details that surround this.
We think, our theory is, that his withdrawals for heroin were so bad in the clink, where he was not in gen pop, he was in his own cell, he was probably scratching his head.
Scratching his head maniacally, the front of his head.
And it was bleeding, and he had blood chunks and scabs in his hair, in the front of his hair.
He also showed us his back, which looked really messed up, and he said that was from the lead pipe.
I think he was scratching his lower back, too.
You're constantly scratching when you're a junkie, especially when you're quitting.
Your skin is on fire because the heroin's been taking care of all good feelings for many years.
When you stop, your normal dopamine, your normal things, your normal endorphins, whatever you call them, they don't know how to release.
The receptors are dead.
So your whole body has third-degree burns.
And you're constantly scratching trying to stop the pain, the itchiness, the scratchiness.
It's like full body eczema.
So, I think his hair had blood chunks in it.
And I think his back was destroyed.
And I think he was scratching so much that he wore his fingernails off.
He was probably scratching at the walls too.
I mean, heroin withdrawal is like going to hell.
So the gloves were probably hiding the fact that all his fingernails are just bloody stubs.
That is my theory.
I have a theory that the Brontosaur is skinny at one end, big in the middle, and then skinny at the other end.
That's my dad's favorite Monty Python joke.
I don't really get it, but it always seems to amuse him.
And they're called a Brachiosaurus now, Dad.
So that was bizarre.
And then Artie's saying, do I still got a job here?
And Anthony goes, absolutely.
And I'm sort of going, dude, I'm not here to mess with your job.
I'm here to fill in while you try to stop doing coke.
You've clearly stopped doing heroin.
You have no fingernails.
But you gotta stop doing Coke.
Your nose can't take it.
And Coke... Coke is great when you're a young man.
Well, all drugs are bad, obviously.
But the advantage with Coke is you're a young man in New York City, you're out networking, you're out last night, you don't feel like going out, but some friends are in town and a client's in town, and you gotta party till 2.
Coke says, I'm gonna make it feel like you haven't been out in a week.
And you're finally allowed to go out.
It turns every night into Friday.
But as you get older, I don't know, you get holiday heart, you know, you get heart palpitations and the next day is just unbelievable AIDS because you drank more than you normally drink.
I mean, it's not an old man's game.
And I think Artie's much older than me.
I'm a little concerned, actually, because genetically he's the same as my kids.
25% American Indian.
And I worry that it's a genetic predilection, this tendency for addiction.
I hope not.
The internet says that's not genetic.
Indians and booze.
It sure seems to be.
I know it is with us Scots!
We love our whiskey!
And by the way, part of my death clamp on that kid was the bourbon turning me into Groundskeeper Willie.
So then, the week gets pretty normal.
I should have maybe saved those two kooky stories for the end.
But on Wednesday, I went to a book launch for F.H.
Buckley, no relation to William F. Buckley.
He's got a book out called The Republic of Virtue, How We Tried to Ban Corruption, Failed, and What We Can Do About It.
He's one of the best writers there is.
He's a fellow Canuck.
I think he's born in Saskatoon, law professor, Harvard graduate.
And he's just one of the most remarkably intelligent people in the world.
And I think it's important to have a wide span of people around you.
And Saturday night was, you know, violent and dumb.
And seeing Artie's fucking fingernail-less junkiness was idiotic.
And then the next night you go to the Harvard Dinner Club and you talk to F.H.
Buckley about corruption and the two-party system.
And I'm reading his book now, by the way.
Our Machiavellian moment is the first chapter and it's just like some books, Mark Stein is like this, you know, as you read it you just feel your IQ rising.
Like I'll just read the opening flap, the dust jacket.
The Constitution is best understood as an anti-corruption covenant.
I mean that's a t-shirt right there.
We can't begin to understand its structure unless we recognize how the Framers meant to create what Buckley calls a quote-unquote Republic of Virtue.
But over time their Constitution has spawned the thickest network of patronage and influence ever seen in any country.
A crony capitalism in which business partners with government and transfers as which business partners with government and transfers wealth from the poor to the rich.
And so we all sat and had dinner, and it was all, like, editors from Wall Street Journal, and Michael Goodman from the New York Post was there, and New York Times writers, and everyone has this blustery sort of, yeah, yeah, yeah, you show it, I'll show him!
And I think it's this sort of transatlantic accent that's an affectation that you learn in boarding school.
They're all boarding school kids, these sort of New York intellectuals.
And boarding school picks up the affectations of not just the transatlantic accent of the 50s, which still has status, I think, in New York, but also the stuttering that I believe comes from King George, and it still prevails.
It's still there.
So yeah, there's a somewhat bombastic bluster where you also stutter and it's a very unique, very ideally...
Atypical way of speaking, if you will.
I love it, by the way.
I love those guys.
And I felt like my IQ had rebooted that night.
It was fun talking to them.
But inevitably with the intellectuals, and you see this in Israel too, there's so much pontification there about why we're here and what we should do with the Palestinians.
And I'm just like, Like in Israel, I go, let's cut the shit, okay?
They don't want to negotiate with you.
They appreciate, let's call it tough love.
And I had a Rottweiler for a while in Costa Rica.
The only discipline it got was a punch in the face.
And it understood that.
You don't say no to a Rottweiler.
You punch it.
And it doesn't hurt it.
So build the wall.
Love the wall, Israel.
And the Palestinians respect it, I believe, deep down.
And with this, they were talking about, well, you know, with Obama, we had this, and then there's a lot of... People don't seem to understand the metrics.
There was so much about emotions with voting, and they want bigger government.
And I just, I couldn't resist.
I just said, guys, guys, guys, let's cut the shit here, okay?
It's women.
That's why Obama was elected, because Oprah gave him the vote.
Single women.
Balls.
B-A-W-Ls.
Boomer angry woman liberals got Obama elected.
They always vote for big government because they are solipsistic.
They love the idea of holding people, loving them.
I don't know, by the way, if that's what solipsistic means.
It just seemed like a good place to stick that word in.
I'm 80% sure I've used it correctly.
But they're mothering, you know, so they want more welfare.
Oh, don't be mean.
Don't send the illegals back.
That's mean.
He's a dad.
He's been here for 20 years.
Yeah, so is that coke dealer.
He's breaking the law.
Sorry.
That's the way it works in Mexico and everywhere on Earth.
When you're illegal, you're committing a crime.
No person is illegal.
Really?
Well, that's not what the Constitution says.
Anyway, um, so I couldn't help but identify the elephant in the room and at one point I said, can we?
And then Frank, F.H.
Buckley, the author of the book goes, don't!
And he points to me.
I've had him on my show before.
He has another great book called The Way Back about how America can save itself from corruption and this satellite we've become from the earth of the Constitution, how we can get back to that piece of parchment.
So I know him.
And I was also, they knew I was about to go because I'm drinking too.
And last time I did this, it was Andrew McCarthy did a book called, where was it here?
Islam and Free Speech.
A little chap book and encounter books.
Andrew McCarthy's a guy, a National Review guy.
So it was also at the Harvard Club and there was all these National Review people there and I was particularly pissed.
That night, drunk and mad, about a National Review doing a book on free speech when they had just fired John Derbyshire for doing The Talk, but for his kids.
Now, I've done videos about this.
The Talk is where you sit and you tell your black kid that the cops might shoot him at any time, that he lives in a racist country, and that even if you get a law degree, you're not going to get a job because we live in apartheid, and you have to work twice as hard It's child abuse.
First of all, it's a lie.
But even if it wasn't a lie, don't be like Roberto Benigni in A Beautiful Life.
Don't tell them that they're in the Holocaust.
Pretend it's a game.
But they're not in the Holocaust.
There's full equality in 2017.
So when you tell a black person that a cop could kill them at any moment, you're adding a sort of Damocles that doesn't need to be there.
And it's a defeatist mentality.
You're basically telling someone to avoid themselves of all culpability.
What a terrible and cruel thing to do to a child.
But anyway, John Derbyshire finds it amusing and he writes one for his boys.
Now his boys, by the way, are not white.
His wife's Chinese.
But he's still a racist.
According to the mainstream left and so he writes one of the talk for his kids and there's there was some contentious stuff in there.
I think the most outlandish points in his point form list was if you see a black person the side of the highway don't pull over to help.
That's pretty bad.
And another one was don't trust black politicians as much as white politicians.
That one's a bit saucy.
And I think another one was like if you're in a crowd and you look around you're the only non-black person there get out now That's that's some raunchy Dialogue, but if you would reverse the races and a black person wrote that article people would be in the root You know it would be a Taneshi Coates's latest article and everyone would love it You know, and you always have to do that.
That was a great thing about Roger Ailes.
He'd always say, let's reverse it.
What if this person was right-wing and that person was left-wing?
How would the reaction be?
And it's a great way to sort of show the inequality of what they're saying.
But John Derbyshire was fired.
Now, he wrote that article for Tacky Mag, where I was working at the time.
Tacky Theodorokopoulos' magazine.
He wrote it for them, but National Review fired John from their staff?
And lots of smart people I admire, like Jonah Goldberg, supported it.
So I'm sitting there, and I'm with, like, the opinions editor of National Review, and he's... Andrew, absolutely fantastic book.
I mean, Islam has a huge problem with free speech.
Well, they don't have the First Amendment, you see.
Islam, what, 500 years behind us?
It's terribly unfortunate.
I wish they would catch up.
Maybe with enough education, they can see the error of their ways.
Maybe if they all went to boarding school, we could send Islam to boarding school.
That's what we'll do.
So, uh, I just, I said, can we cut the shit again?
Exactly the same.
And there was a New York Times reporter there and I, and previous to, can we cut the shit that was, they were talking about Jihad and Afghanistan and this foreign policy and what John Bolton was advocating here and why that led to this pushback.
And it was all about getting into the mind of the jihadist.
And I just said, why are we imbuing all this intellect on inbreds?
And everyone at the table, and there was about 15 people, gasped.
And this is what pissed me off too.
These people who fired someone for using their free speech and then were gloating about free speech.
All the eyes go to the New York Times reporter.
And they start getting scared and looking at her and smiling like, I don't know what that was.
So scared that she was going to write in her book.
And then, of course, the racists started discussing eugenics and the imminent genocide of the gypsies and all gays.
Just so apologetic.
And it particularly pissed me off.
And I brought this up with the Opinions Center.
I can't remember his name.
Little Aryan kid.
Great guy.
But I said, don't you feel a little bit guilty sitting here talking about free speech when you fired John Derbyshire?
He said, well, I don't think that was the story.
I mean, no, it wasn't.
It hadn't occurred to him.
So that was Tuesday.
Tuesday was normal.
And then last night, Milo Yiannopoulos shows up.
And we go to do Anthony's show.
Little Michael Malice was there, propped up on his... He makes his chair go higher because he's short.
But it doesn't work on camera because you can see our belt lines.
And his belt is like next to my nipples.
Looks like a little Russian Pepe the Frog.
I love Michael.
I'm just messing with him.
Uh, and that was a fun show.
There was something weird that happened during that show.
Just like there was a weird alpha thing when Artie showed up and I became this sort of beta wolf and sat there like... At one point, and I think Malice to a certain extent, but Milo and Anthony and I are obviously all alphas.
And there's a weird dichotomy, not even a trichotomy I guess in this case, around alphas, where someone has to be on the top.
And they don't like being guests because they have to be subservient to the host.
And, you know, wolves, in a wolf pack, the alpha wolf fights every single day.
Every single day, number two attacks him, just to make sure you're definitely the strongest.
And I've noticed this in social situations.
And I think about two-thirds of the way through the interview, Milo decided he wanted it to be his show.
So he starts mocking Anthony's papers and throwing them away and saying, we're not doing this one.
No, let's do this one, darling.
And Ant just wants to go.
He's an old man, right?
And when you're in your 50s, you're done fighting.
And if someone wants to take over the show, fine.
Good.
I'll just relax.
Whatever is amusing, whatever keeps subscribers coming in.
That's all I want.
I I'm not petty.
I'm not going to I'm not going to be concerned about this.
Go ahead.
So then it was Milo's show, and Milo would sort of occasionally include Anthony, talk to me and Michael.
And if, I don't know, if it was my brother or someone, I would have said, dude, can you talk to that guy more?
That's the host.
He's running the show here.
But, you know, it's not my place, so.
That was just a bizarre little social thing.
If you're into those kind of cues, you should watch it.
It was Thursday's, it was yesterday's, uh, uh, Artie and Anthony Show.
And, uh, it's just, I love the way that, that humans act like animals sometimes, you know?
There's so much we can learn from these pathetic creatures.
I mean, that's what animals are, right?
They're humans gone wrong.
A dog was supposed to be a person just like it's it's the initial Dom Domino right that amazing microchip that God made he's trying to make a human but of course there's gonna be some mistakes along the way like a hammerhead shark is one of the worst creations that's one of the biggest tangents that this magic little pod went on but all other animals are just shitty humans and with wolves we see a lot of our social dynamics I find that fascinating that's kind of a
Scott Adams type of thing to be interested in.
Anyway, so after Milo's thing, I go, I'm going to James O'Keefe's book launch.
Now I've also got that book here.
American Pravda.
My fight for truth in the era of fake news.
James O'Keefe.
James is a great writer.
I'm very surprised.
It's funny.
I think writing is a very rare trait.
It's like being funny.
Maybe 5% of the population can do it.
And James is kind of autistic when you see him.
Like, that's the reason he has these balls to go up to people is because he's a robot.
Like, I'll never forget the time.
I probably told you this story before, but James O'Keefe was in Manhattan living there for a while.
And I go, what are you doing here?
I thought you were in Jersey.
He goes, one of my donors let me stay in his apartment, and it's just amazing.
I go, what are you doing?
Describe it.
And he's like, overlook Central Park.
It's two floors.
And it's got the best view.
I mean, it's basically like John Lennon's apartment.
And I go, so what are you doing, James?
I'm getting mad now because he was young and single at the time.
And he goes, I'm just like watching movies.
I don't know what to do.
In fact, that's why I brought it up with you.
What should I be doing?
I go, James, if I was your age and single and in your shoes, there would be a dead prostitute rolled up in the carpet.
There would be a midget who doesn't speak English doing heroin over there who I don't know.
I'd wonder how he got in.
I would have a tattoo on the back of my neck that was in Russian.
And one of the windows would be blown out and the curtains would be sort of blowing, whoosh, whoosh, flying outside the window.
Like, you should be having non-stop parties.
Jesus, when I was a young man in the early 2000s, it was pure decadence.
People literally died.
There was actual dead bodies floating around.
Twelve over the course of my wild oats.
All heroin.
Anyway, I'm not advocating drug use, by the way.
So, James is a great writer.
He writes... You know who else, by the way, is a great writer?
You'd never guess.
You know Ralph Steadman?
The guy who did Hunter Thompson's illustrations with the ink splats and everything?
He's a great writer.
The joke is over.
One of my favorite books.
And he's just an illustrator.
But James writes in a really exciting way, so it reads like a true crime thriller.
I don't like the title, American Pravda.
Everything Russian sounds boring to me.
It should have been called, like, Fake News would have been a good title.
Wrong!
Would have been another one.
Big picture of Trump in the front.
Anyway, we go to his book launch and everyone there from the right is there.
Milo and I breeze in.
There's this annoying thing, I guess it's all celebrities, but particularly on the right with old ladies, probably because they're donors, because they made a bunch of money from their divorce and they're used to conservatives tolerating them.
And letting them do whatever they want.
In fact, I remember at one party it was like a deplorable thing and there's all these rich old women with plastic surgery sexually harassing me.
Like trying to make out with me and grabbing my ass.
And I think they get away with that with a lot of conservatives and even libertarians because they're major donors.
Hey lady, I don't need donors.
I don't have donors.
Get your hand off my ass.
You're a five.
I'm not making out with your collagen lips.
I don't want to touch your disgusting, wrinkly, varicose fake tits.
But anyway, these women come up, oh I need to get a selfie!
And of course, like all boomers, they don't know how to work their goddamn phone.
So you're standing there as they scroll through the flash and stuff.
I hate it!
I hate selfies!
And I don't get them either!
What are you doing with that picture now?
You're gonna go make it your avatar?
I don't know you!
So your picture's just a lie!
What does your picture mean?
That me and my friend Milo?
You don't know him!
So if you go and frame it, it just means that you were next to Milo once.
Yeah, so were one million people that day.
It's New York City, you're constantly around people.
So your picture just means you stood next to someone.
It's idiotic!
It's as stupid as an autograph!
Oh, a celebrity signed a piece of paper near me.
So?
What does that mean?
I understand if you were best friends with Winston Churchill and you have pictures of him on your mantelpiece next to all your other friends.
Sure, sort of.
But these people who collect pictures of them with celebrities, it just is so bizarre to me.
It's so illogical.
It's so stupid.
Look, there's me and Barack Obama.
I was with him for eight seconds.
That guy probably met 1,000 people a day.
Congratulations!
So, lots of people are there having interesting conversations, hanging out, doing some stupid selfies.
Stefan Molyneux is there, does a great speech.
I'm talking to Mike Cernovich.
Steve and Mike and I are doing a talk tomorrow night called A Night for Freedom.
I better come up with a speech soon.
That has to be announced, by the way, the day of.
It has to be announced as a secret location.
We're tr- we, conservatives, the new right, are the gays of the 50s.
That's not a- probably a good way to frame it.
We're the gays of 2000s, but there are gays still.
We're like 1950s gays, is what I'm trying to say.
Like in the 50s, if you wanted- if you were gay and you wanted to go to a bar with your boyfriend, you'd find a lesbian, and then the lesbian and the gay would go to the bar with the lesbian and the gay, and they'd face each other and play footsies underneath and the lesbian could touch the other one's knee and the gay could touch- that's the way we have to behave.
Or we'll get fag bashed.
And it makes me particularly mad because we simply support about 50% of the population in America.
So for that you're a freak and you have to announce your whereabouts.
We're not pedophiles.
Why do we have to announce our whereabouts at the last second?
It's like at NYU where they said you can go in, we have a secret back door for you.
We'll sneak you in with this like jacket over your head.
I go, I'm not here to talk about how sexy four-year-olds are.
No, I'm not going in a secret.
I've done nothing wrong.
So we go through the front door singing Proud of Your Boy and have to fight our way through.
I get pepper sprayed.
The venue, NYU, locks my friends out.
So ten guys are there to fight a mob.
Ten people arrested at that rally.
Two of them are guys.
By the way, our two guys arrested, non-white.
The other eight Antifa who were arrested that night at NYU, all white.
But we were being beat up for being racist.
Okay.
So, amongst the right-wing celebrities I see at this thing, many of the same people by the way from the F.H.
Buckley launch, book launch, all of them actually, I see Steve Forbes.
Steve Forbes is just like Santa.
He's just pure goodness.
All he talks about is the Fed.
He wants to talk to everyone about the Fed.
He's not into this salacious gossip and violence the way I am, or Trump is.
He just wants justice for the government, and particularly monetarily.
He just wants the deficit to go down.
That's what he cares about.
So, I just see him as almost like Mother Teresa.
He's a saint.
Actually, Mother Teresa is probably much worse than him.
She just increased the population in the turd world, as Christopher Hitchens pointed out.
So, more like the Virgin Mary.
That's what Steve Forbes is.
And so, I'm walking over to him and there's John Levin is there.
Now, John Levin, J-O-N, is a guy, I first met him at an Ann Coulter dinner, gay Jewish guy.
Blogger and and likes she's a bit of a fag hag so she's always running herself with them, and there's two of these homosexual gossipers and So they sit down at dinner, and he's nervous down that I've sat down with him I go.
Oh, what's going on here, and he says look.
I just want to get this out of the way I did a hit piece on you in Mike or Vox or something, and I just want to apologize and And I go, I start getting mad, because I had a bad feeling about him the second I saw his little obsequious face with his little smarmy smile.
And I said, what was the article again?
Because I have a million bad articles written about me.
And he goes, I don't even know, to be honest.
It was like one of five things I wrote that day.
I don't even remember it.
It was just like, I just farted it out.
I needed the money.
And that part pissed me off.
And I said, why?
And I say this all the time.
I understand you have no honour.
I understand you're devoid of character.
Many people are like that.
But why did you choose writing as a vocation?
When writing is predicated on honour, accuracy, legacy, character, that's what the venue is.
That's what it's designed for.
It's designed for conveying truth.
And you, as a disloyal, untruthful person, chose that pursuit?
I don't understand it.
It's like a paraplegic deciding he wants to be a figure skater.
You have spaghetti for legs, my friend.
You can't stand up on the rink.
What are you doing here?
And I wouldn't shut up about it.
And I kept going, you can't even answer that.
You're devoid of character.
Why are you in this profession?
And his friend's like, he's right wing now.
He's a conservative.
He thinks all that stuff's bullshit.
I go, I don't care!
And by the way, right-wing, left-wing, as crass say, you can stuff the lot.
It's about truth.
You know, Thomas Sowell says you go from left to right without changing your political positions.
It's the background that moves.
I'm still an anarchist punk rocker, the same kid I was in 1988.
I still want minimal government.
I still want people being left alone.
I don't want people being told what to do.
Politics is people want to be left alone and people won't leave them the fuck alone.
I'm still in Group A. That's conservative now, I guess.
Okay, fine.
Call it New Right.
We'll see what it's called next week.
I'm not changing.
And so I don't care that he switched from left to right.
He's a dishonorable human being, and I don't want to break bread with him.
And then Ann Coulter just said, look, he said he's sorry.
Drop it!
She disciplined me.
So, I see him there, and I'm usually pretty good with people.
I'm pretty good.
Like, you know, notice how I broke down that Alpha thing with the Milo thing?
And I knew that Artie was lying.
I'm pretty good at sussing out vibes.
Maybe it's constantly being under threat.
Like, even when I was a kid, all the Nazi skinheads wanted to kill me.
So I was always, like, aware of my surroundings.
And, uh...
I see John Levine go up.
I don't know if it's Levine or Levin.
Let's say Levine, to separate him from Mark Levin.
John Levine.
I see him go up to Steve Forbes.
And I'm like, stay away from the mother of baby Jesus, please.
And he says to him, did you know that the magazine that Trump smacked that porn star's ass with was Forbes?
How do you feel about your name being used to smack a porn star's ass?
That was his question.
How mad are you right now?
And I just went up to him, I go, I knew it!
You piece of shit!
I knew it!
I knew you're a shitty person!
And I just, I wanted to punch him so bad.
And we're at James' event.
I don't want to cause a scene.
He's a tiny little man.
And I can sometimes, when you want to punch someone, you can feel it in your bones.
Like, I could feel my left hook.
In boxing, there's this beautiful combination where you make your left hook and your right so close together, it's almost a guaranteed knockout.
Because the head goes, ba-dum!
Left, right!
Ba-dum!
And I'm feeling that happen already.
Envisioning it.
That's a good, happy tip.
A good tip with baseball, too.
My son says this works.
He swears by it.
You, when you're up to bat, you envision yourself as having already hit the ball.
So hitting the ball is just paperwork.
I've already hit an RBI.
I'm already on second base.
We just have to take care of some formalities here.
I have to initial this and of course actually hit the ball.
Whack!
See, I told you.
And then you're off.
So I'm already envisioning it.
And then he starts, you know, he's got a smirmy smile and he talks about how rich I am and how he can see suing me.
That's his revenge, by the way.
You can beat me up.
I'll just sue you.
Like he's a demon.
he's an evil little cockroach an evil little parasite he's a virus you catch John Levine Levine you catch him and then you're bedridden for a week because you he got into your sinuses you inhaled him and that was just a week and who knows what's going to go on tomorrow night We got a big rally here, a big secretive rally.
I have like 10 security guys, all Proud Boys, they'll be surrounded with.
Could be tons of violence and fights.
Who knows?
It's an exciting time to be alive.
I mean, every time I look at the news, even just as I sit down today, I look here and we've got this release the memo hashtag.
That's since I've sat here, as they say in East London.
And the moral of the story is, this is not a crappy DM, this is a carpe DM.
It's really fun to be alive, and you know when the best way to conquer all this adversity is to be an honest person, to be totally truthful to yourself, to be open to different ideas, and open to the left and the right, and to just sort of bombastically Barrage the earth.
Just sort of carpet bomb the entire city with your personality.
Come bounding into the room.
Don't go in the back door.
Come bounding through the front door singing your favorite song and say, let's have at it.
What do we got here?
You want to fight?
Fine, let's fight.
You want to argue?
Fine, let's argue.
You're a shitty person.
You're a good person.
You know, when you keep it bottled up inside, that's cancer.
That's how you get depressed, is you hold it in.
You don't tell your boss that you're right-wing.
You don't tell your friends that you vote Trump.
You don't tell someone you're gay.
Any sort of closeted behavior eats away at you.
It eats away at your organs.
Your brain deteriorates.
You know, they find feral children and they say, we try to teach them English, but they do CAT scans.
Their brains are literally physically depleted.
It looks like a smoker's lung in there.
The parts of the brain are completely gone.
And that's from lack of stimuli.
The same thing is true in real life here on earth, not raised by wolves.
You need constant stimulation.
You need constant honesty.
You need to be yourself, warts and all.
This whole week could have been a shitty week if I wasn't who I am.
But I had a great time, and I want you to have fun too.
Goodbye.
Oh, by the way, I'm moving these up to twice a week.
I'm still trying to get them down to 45 minutes, but I don't seem capable of that.
And I will be releasing another one on Tuesday, come hell or high water.
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