Nirvana soared past them and they got carpal tunnel syndrome and just, they literally did, and quit.
That song is a great makeout song.
If you take a girl home and you guys are going to do it for sure, like you don't really have to seduce her, that's a good one to put on.
You just have your underwear on and maybe a beer in your hand, like party sex.
And then you, you got it all wrong.
You can't allow that.
Andrew WK is good for that too.
I'm not talking about seduction like Drake stuff.
I'm just talking about partying and beer and hold on a sec.
You know that kind of sex where you'll drink during the intercourse.
I haven't seen you guys in a while.
We had some banked episodes.
Today's New York Post, New Jersey teen kills family.
Asperger's guy.
They keep calling it a semi-automatic rifle that he used.
A normal rifle he used.
I haven't seen anyone make it about guns yet, but it just happened.
So we'll see.
He was homeschooled, kind of a mental patient, very blue-collar, hardworking, beautiful family.
All dead except the big brother and the grandpa who ran out the back door.
Lord, and this is, by the way, a day after this headline.
Last flight.
Jewish family, I assume, and they're from Scarsdale.
They've got red-hot chili peppers.
I live in Westchester.
Chili peppers are huge with families here.
I don't quite get it.
But yeah, remember on my Costa Rica podcast, I was talking about those one-engine prop Sansa planes that are illegal in the States, and they're all over Costa Rica?
That's what they were in.
Obliterated.
All dead.
They're going to have to use DNA to figure out who was there.
So that's horrific.
I'm glad I can finally throw these in the garbage.
Remember David Cross saying at Christmas he just opens cards over the garbage.
You just go, yeah, nice family.
But there's a new trend I've noticed this Christmas where you just send a card of kids.
And I don't know your kids.
I don't know who any of these people are.
I know my friends by their faces.
Sometimes they're drinking buddies and stuff.
I've never even seen their kids once.
So I've had my fireplace, my hearth, has been decorated with just strange kids.
That's new this year.
I think it's because, you know how women, especially when you get into your 40s, they hate the way they look in photos.
I think women see the pictures of themselves and go, no, let's not do that.
I want my angels in it.
That's fine if I'm your kindergarten teacher and I know your angels.
The Knights of Columbus Christmas card is about the only one where I recognize the angels.
So that's fun to finally throw a bunch of strange kids in the garbage.
Iran.
Iran.
Oh, Iran and Iraq are fighting each other.
Can't they both lose?
That's my favorite Kissinger quote ever.
Iran is blowing up.
And once again, the media's reaction is one of the most interesting things about it.
So Iranians are educated, ultimately Western people who don't like regimes.
It's not natural for them to be under oppression.
In North Korea, they've been oppressed for so long, or in China, it's been happening so long that it's in their DNA.
But I think Iranians are meant to be free.
So the ones that left in 1979 are called Persians, and they live here.
But the Iranians still back there, they don't like it anymore.
And there's a beautiful meme going around of a woman who took off her veil and she was waving it standing on like a hydro box.
And I hear she's in custody now.
But she's now up there with the guy who stood in front of the tank in Tiananmen Square.
Or there's that other famous picture of a bunch of people Zeke hiling.
I'm not going to do it, or you're going to freeze it and release it to the public.
But it's like a sea of people Zeke hiling.
Yeah, there it is.
And it's one guy just standing like that.
So she's become an iconic figure.
And I love that she's using her hijab, taking it off as a symbol of freedom, as a symbol of feminism, of equality.
Meanwhile, these boobs over here in America make it all about the hijab.
Feminism is all about the hijab, which is just, you're such useful idiots.
But another interesting thing about all this, too, is CNN, they're calling it anti-government protests.
What did they say?
Jack Pasobic tweeted it out, and I had to go check it out for myself because I assumed it was Photoshopped.
There it is.
Just bizarre.
They had CNN.
First of all, CNN ignored the story for as long as possible.
And then they said they pretended that it was just about the regime, and they're actually pro-government.
No, they're against the entire oppressive system of Iran.
In 1979, women were going ballistic because they hated the idea of having to wear these coverings.
And I think Iranian women are some of the hottest women on earth.
In fact, they're so hot, I find myself occasionally condoning the hijab, the veil, because you wouldn't be able to concentrate walking around that country.
They're all AIDS.
Maybe that's my type.
I like like big-lipped, sort of Asiatic kind of eyes and big, thick black hair.
I like the Raquel Welch kind of look.
And everyone in Iran has it.
But it's really fun watching this revolution happen and watching the West, especially the left, go, yeah, that's not really, well, or just parrot the state propaganda verbatim.
Also, in news, our boys, I can't say exactly who, but let's just say my organization is very cordial with the group who did this.
They put up these banners below Welcome to California.
They did it in three different spots.
People assumed it was Photoshop.
So a friend of mine sent this video of it.
Can you just play that video?
Official sanctuary state, felons, illegals, and MS-13 welcome.
Democrats need the votes.
Isn't that beautiful?
Hey, street artists who are just spray painting their nickname everywhere.
Hey, Puerto Ricans all over New York and wiggers who want to be Puerto Ricans, writing CESC and all these balloon letters everywhere.
That's tedious.
That's writing your nickname on other people's property.
That's not street art.
This is street art.
Going to those signs and making realistic looking welcome to California subheads that call it a sanctuary state.
I mean, that is true art, is it not?
I wonder how long they'll last.
Also in the news, Logan Paul, he's a YouTuber, very popular guy, who, you know, I don't like him.
I don't like the kids today.
I hate the way they dress like infants.
He's got some funny hat on with three eyeballs.
He went to the suicide forest in Japan.
You probably know about this.
The Japanese are very organized about everything they do, including suicide, where they go to a designated area and they hang themselves from trees.
And the bodies stay there for a long time.
So this guy goes there and makes it part of his giggly vlog thing.
And he's sitting there by a body.
I mean, I'm of two minds of it.
On the one hand, I think, look, you committed suicide.
Sorry, your body wasn't treated with respect.
You didn't treat it with respect.
Suicide is a sin.
So I don't really mind people going there and logging in.
And also, the fact that he giggled, I laugh my head off when I'm in every car accident I've ever been in.
I can't stop laughing.
I don't know.
It's such a rush that it makes you crazy.
And maybe that's the way these dumb millennials deal with it.
We can't find footage of that, though, right, Dave?
Yeah, there's just a few excerpts, but none of the excerpts.
Let's see the excerpts and we can just imagine a dead body in there.
Okay.
I really hate to say this.
I think there's someone hanging right there.
Excuse me?
*laughs* This is the thing.
This is a thing that is now in our lives that we just experienced.
Now our lives unfold.
There's no going back.
I've seen things I can't unsee.
We found a dead body.
Yo!
What the f ⁇ ?
Get off my lawn.
Aren't the kids today the worst?
So that's a thing.
Also, Joy Villa.
I've been texting her.
She won't text me back.
She's been outed as a Scientologist.
I always knew she was a Scientologist.
I think it's weird, but all I know is at conservative conferences, she'd be the only one that wants to drink.
And she'd always get funny drinks, too, like weird, fruity margaritas and stuff, which I don't mind when girls do it.
I only mind when boys do it.
And so I don't know.
I'm told, her ex-manager told John Cardillo, who's over at the Rebel, that she's going to foist her Scientology values and she's pretending, only pretending to be MAGA, and she's actually a spy, a saboteur.
I'd love to get her on the show and find out, but it's pretty fascinating seeing someone explode like that.
But surely someone with her past and who is a proud Scientologist knows that this shit is eventually going to hit that fan.
In fact, I texted her months ago saying, you realize there's going to be a giant shit storm when your Scientology thing comes out.
She goes, no one here cares.
Well, apparently they care.
But let's start the show.
So I have a million things to talk about.
I'm quite sick.
I've been waking up with my eyeballs crusted shut and a cough.
But I want to talk about this myth that conservatives aren't funny.
The truth is you banished us from mainstream comedy.
I also want to talk about my type of chick.
After talking about those Iranians, I became very interested in women I find attractive, and I'd like you to be equally interested.
Just an excuse to look at hot chicks.
And I want to talk, I want to do a long, long, very in-depth look at the six, my six favorite injustices of 2017.
Six egregious examples of our liberty being trampled by the state.
And I also want to talk to you guys and ask you, why don't you care?
Why is there not more outrage about these six cases that I'm very close to?
And then I want to make fun of people who go to magic school.
And now I did what I think that you could love me.
A lot of people ask me, they say, Gavin, what is your type?
And by a lot of people, I mean absolutely no one, but I like talking about my type.
I don't know why.
My wife is my type.
I like ethnically ambiguous brunettes.
My wife is so my type that she looks like a porn star to me.
Like I'm self-conscious when we walk into a room because I feel like I'm with a naked prostitute who's in lingerie, like that porn star that Terry Richardson did a book with, the 70s one.
I like women my age.
I like brunettes.
Uma Abedin is also my ideal chick.
I like sort of laugh lines.
I like those weird things she had.
I also like slightly haggard Italian women that have been divorced.
A lot of mob wives are my cup of tea.
A lot of real housewives, if they've got some sort of trashy Italian past, but they're nouveau riche, I like that.
I don't like when they get plastic surgery.
I don't like fake tits.
But my ideal woman, if I was divorced, and by the way, I know that it's wrong to covet someone else's wife, and I would never cheat on my wife, but you're allowed to look, right?
You're allowed to ogo.
You're allowed to have a type.
And amidst all these disgusting perverts molesting young girls, I'd like ladies to know that a lot of us out there like wrinkles.
We like laugh lines.
We like Age.
We don't want to play tennis with a toddler.
We want someone to return the serve.
We want a woman who's been around the block and has a tattoo she's embarrassed of.
So, if you were asking what kind of type I have, then I'm here to tell you that it's this and this and this.
Oh, you weren't interested?
Alright, well, you.
*Dramatic Music*
Hello, folks.
Let's take a moment to look at the worst injustices of 2017.
Now, some of these cases go way back, but they're still going, so I'm counting them as 2017.
And I've noticed a common thread going through all of these, and it's political correctness.
It is people so scared of offending people that they're happy to destroy lives in the process.
And actually, looking at the victims of all of these, they're all white people, except Lexi, but that's arguable.
All right, number one, the case of Chelsea Wright.
Now, Chelsea Wright was a woman who was brutally gang raped in the UK and England by six Syrian and Iraqi refugees.
You know, these wonderful people just looking for a home?
These are Muslims from disgusting hellholes, and they, they, not only are they incredibly sexist to their own, right, but they come here, they come to America and they see a woman like Chelsea with tattoos who's attractive, and they go, oh, good, human garbage.
I remember her from the porn I used to watch, or still watch, so I'm just going to rape her.
She's my property.
So I'm almost condoning their actions by saying, this is how these animals think, but no, I'm not.
I'm mad at you for importing them and saying, they're just like us.
They're going to assimilate.
Or as the Mayor of London says, don't bother assimilating.
Bring your crappy culture here.
Well, you import the third world, you get the third world.
And England is quickly becoming a third world country.
Chelsea Wright went to the police after she was attacked, and they shrugged it off because it was Iraqis, it was Syrians, it was Middle Easterners, and they didn't want to appear racist.
That's how it works in Britain.
You can gang rape children, no problems, to the tune of hundreds and hundreds of children.
And we went over this on previous episodes.
It's not like they have them in chains and they're in cages.
You can go have sex with them whenever you want.
They seduce these students after school and molest them at the bodegas, the corner shops, as they're called over there.
And they tell them not to tell anyone and send them on their merry way.
And then they keep coming back.
They keep repeatedly molesting these children, these teens.
And this goes up to Chelsea's age, where they gang rape them and physically assault them.
She ran out of there screaming.
And thanks to Tommy Robinson, this story got some press.
They've got a lawyer now.
They're fighting to get these people arrested.
Meanwhile, in the UK, you have Count Dankula facing prison now.
His trial, I think, is this month for teaching his pug to Zikai.
You get those Polish guys who go to jail for throwing bacon at a mosque.
You have that guy who was killed in prison after being arrested for some sort of bacon joke.
He went to prison.
He died there.
We can't get the story.
I assume he was murdered by Muslims.
Muslims tried to kill Tommy Robinson when he was in prison.
He was imprisoned, by the way, for something like aiding and abetting a felon, and it was his brother, because his brother wasn't paying his mortgage on time.
Like, there's two different standards here.
There is, don't even sneeze if you're a white British guy.
And then Muslims, rape and pillage, do whatever you want.
Gang rape.
So that's still going.
Chelsea Wright, Justice for Chelsea.
Rebel Media has worked hard on that.
I'd love to ask Tommy about it on the show, but Mr. Levant has banned him from speaking to me because he sees us as the competition.
Screw you, Ez.
No, I love Ezra Levant.
I understand his mentality, but I'm still pissed about it.
Number two, two and three are very similar.
Number two, the Bundies.
Now, this trial really makes me mad because you have these anarchists and these liberals, and they hate the Bundies because they're white and wear cowboy hats, and they hate cowboys, even though this story is the perfect anarchist sticking it to the man, rock and roll, rebel story.
But if this guy was black, if he looked like Bill de Blasio's son and had a big Colin Kaepernick afro, then everyone would love it.
What a cool story.
But no, he's a white guy, so they don't enjoy the story.
And the story is that the Bundies got sick of paying their stupid grazing rights.
I've been in this land since before the government.
I'm third generation here.
I've been here for 100 years.
And they've bankrupted, what, 53 ranchers in that area?
The Bunnies are the only ones left.
And all these rules, all these regulations are bankrupting me.
No, I'm not paying.
I'll pay the local authorities.
I'm not paying the federal government to improve their land.
And by the way, these ranchers improve the land.
The American government continually wrecks it.
And so the bunnies have this trial for the sin of refusing to kowtow to the federal government.
There's a standoff.
Remember, we had guns and everything involved.
We had people come in from all over America and stand up to the government.
And by the way, Occupy Wall Street.
If you stand up to the government without guns, you get pepper sprayed.
If you stand up to the government with your guns, they go home.
And that's what they did.
And it was a bizarre trial where the court banned any reference to the First Amendment and the Second Amendment.
What kind of legal precedent is that?
You're not allowed to mention those two amendments in a court of law.
Anyway, they won.
It's declared a mistrial.
They're free to go.
Free men.
They fought the law and they won.
But it's still in my injustices list because the government is trying to pull them back in.
Can you picture these BLM Bureau of Land Management bureaucrats?
They probably dress like me.
Can you imagine the kind of evil they are?
Well, it's got to happen.
Got to go down.
That's the law.
Speaking of that's the law, we have number three, the Hammonds.
Now, this is a father and son team who were arrested for arson, portrayed as arsonists.
And I hate the way the left, they have this strange tendency.
We even see this in the right with Nakula Basili and Nakulu in the Muhammad video, where they sort of go, well, shouldn't have broken the law.
That's what you get.
Sorry, cowboys.
That's life, you stupid ranchers.
A real sort of sense of disdain.
That's what we have here in America.
A real disdain for the Midwest, for the flyover countries.
It's not just I don't care about them, that used to be the way.
Now it's I don't like them.
Let's tilt this screen here.
Sorry, folks, I'm being unprofessional, but this glares.
Like, go back to me, Dave, and don't cut this out.
I like the sort of lo-fi.
There we go.
I like fixing stuff live.
So, this is what happened with the Hammonds.
They did brush fires.
That's an integral part of being a rancher.
You have to burn your own land.
It's good for the crops.
It makes it grow better, better food for your cows eventually.
And it helps control forest fires.
One of the reasons we're seeing these terrible forest fires everywhere is because the government is managing it.
The government is buying stupid trees.
They're not managing the land.
And so when a fire happens, it happens.
But ranchers prepare for this by burning certain areas so fires can't spread.
So the Hammonds were doing this, and oops, they burnt 140 acres of government land.
That is nothing.
That is not a big deal over there.
But the government decided it was arson, and they were trying to hide.
This is the government's charge.
You were hunting deer out of season and you're trying to hide the evidence.
What?
I'll just dig a hole and bury the deer.
Thanks.
I don't have to burn 140 acres.
But they went to prison and the judge, the judge sent them to prison for like a year and said, I'm sorry about this.
I can't believe it.
Technically, I guess it is a law, but this is not what the law was intended to do.
They went away.
They're released.
They're sitting at home, having a nice time.
Then the government goes, wait a minute.
Oh, wait, sorry.
It's a five-year minimum.
You only did two years.
You have to go back to prison.
So they've gone back to prison now.
Talk about a cruel and unusual punishment.
They said, sorry, the judge screwed up being too kind to you.
And I got a letter from this woman that Carrie, what's her name, that we had on the show, Sheffield?
Was it Stadheim?
Stadder?
Steider?
Stadheim, I believe.
Stadheim.
Sorry.
Sorry, Carrie.
And she said, she pointed out to me, she goes, yes, they did accidentally burn 140 acres, but they got five years in prison for that.
She said, the government regularly does burns, and they do a terrible job at it because they don't know what they're doing.
They burnt 10,000 acres by accident.
10,000 acres.
Did the government go to jail?
Oh, sorry, 11,000.
I'm wrong.
11,000 acres burned.
And a lot of this is on ranchers land.
Now, we have a double standard here.
The government isn't punished in any way, nor do they even pay a fine.
And it costs the ranchers hundreds of thousands of dollars because A, they just lost all that food for their cattle.
All that grazing land is now gone, burnt.
And it's their own land.
You burnt their own land, and all their fences are destroyed.
But the government doesn't have to answer to that.
So, to be clear, 104 acres, 140 acres, two men in prison for five years.
Government does 10,000 acres, not a penny paid, no punishment whatsoever.
And the thing that disturbs me most about this number three is how little people care, how little empathy people have for ranchers.
The guys who bring you cheeseburgers.
Do you know what a cheeseburger is?
It's the greatest thing in the world.
I've talked about this in other videos.
It is a portable meal that you can carry and feel perfectly satisfied, perfectly healthy.
It is a wonderful invention.
It's one of the best things about America.
I'm at the point now where I go to restaurants and the waitress says, what would you like?
And I go, what do you think I would like?
I would obviously like a Budweiser and a cheeseburger medium rare with cheddar cheese.
And if you have home-cut fries, I'll take those.
And if you have frozen fries, please leave them in the kitchen.
I don't like those ranchers.
They look like cowboys.
Cowboys are racist.
They killed Indians.
No, they fought with Indians for 400 years and eventually won.
All right, number four.
This one is hard to talk about without crying like a complete fag.
Lexi Page.
There we go.
Many years ago, Lexi Page, who's part Choctaw.
When I say part, I mean 1.5%.
Basically, as Indian as everyone.
If you do me in 23 or whatever it's called, and you get your papers back and it says 1.5% Choctaw, you go, huh?
You don't go, I am 1.5% Choctaw.
I need to be reunited with my other Choctaw tribal members.
Oh, hey, welcome.
I am from New York City.
I needed to be reunited.
The Choctaws would tell you to get lost.
They go, you're not Indian, dude.
My wife's tribe, if you're not 25%, no checks from the casino.
You don't count.
You're not a ho chunk.
I think that's a pretty good number, 25%.
My go-to for Indians is, if people don't ask you if you're Asian, then you're not an Indian.
So Lexi Page was removed due to the welfare, the WACA, Indian Welfare Child Protection Act.
What's that called again?
The Child Protection Indian Act.
Look that up, Dave.
Anyway, under that stupid act, which started noble.
I mean, the Indians were treated terribly by us, by the Catholics.
They were separated from their families, sent to these religious institutions where they were molested by disgusting priests.
But you can't undo that wrong.
Sorry.
And revenge is the stupidest way to do that, especially because the revenge ends up being on the kids.
So what they've done here, what's the act called?
It's called the Federal Indian Child Welfare Act.
ICWA.
Under that act, they've taken Lexi Page from her foster family that was loving her to death.
And she was growing up with siblings who she loved.
She got there when she was like two, so she doesn't even remember her previous life.
And they found a like fraction of a percent more Indian family.
So she's 1.5.
They found a family that's 1.8 that's sort of related to one of her cousins.
They rip her from this family.
Siblings crying.
The worst part about this for me, the thing that makes me cry the most, is the kids, the white kids, crying as they removed their sister.
So that shows that she had a great relationship with these siblings.
And they took her away from them, threw her in another family.
And the reason I'm including this in 2017 is that we're at the point of no return now.
It's been two years.
I don't know if I want to bring Lexi home.
I think it might be more damaging to return her back to her family.
No visitation rights, by the way.
They can't see their doctor.
They can't communicate with her.
They just, it's so disgusting.
And when you talk to the Choctaws about this, they have, again, this total lack of empathy and this, huh?
Whatever.
Try a taste of your own medicine for a change.
No, no, no.
You're not punishing me.
You're punishing Lexi Page.
You vindictive fools.
Anyway, I'm going to, let's try to dry these eyes with number five.
Tommy Trigger, friend of mine, proud boy, terrorized by Antifa for years and years and years.
And I don't think, again, the people who laugh at this and go, whatever, he's a Nazi.
This guy's not a Nazi.
He's a punk who likes Trump.
He's a punk who hates commies.
A la Johnny Ramon, a la fear, a tons of bands.
Most bands, punk bands, wouldn't dare tell you their politics because they'll be ostracized and boycotted and ruined forever.
But all New York 80s hardcore bands were like this.
The Cro-Mags, Agnostic Front.
They all hated welfare because they lived among the welfare scammers and saw what socialism does to a city.
Anyway, Tommy Trigger, beat up, smashed, had his head opened up with pool cues when he would go to play pool based on the fact that he was attacked in Portland by these anti-racist skinheads who want to beat you up if you have a German last name.
So he moves to Chicago, gets terrorized, gets chased when he walks down the street, through social media, they can find him wherever he is.
No evidence that he's a Nazi, zero, and tons of lies.
They say he shot some Antifa dude and paralyzed him and then laughed about it.
Ha ha ha.
I shoot people all the time and laugh.
That's a felony.
You'd go to jail.
So he starts carrying a knife, goes to a rancid show, and Antifa goes, there's that Nazi guy who shoots people.
They attack him.
He pulls out his knife and thinking they'll go, whoa, whoa, relax, dude.
They keep coming at him.
Probably out of stupidity, I guess, or naivete.
I don't know.
So he goes, okay, and defends himself.
That becomes attempted murder.
Tommy Trigger is looking at 20 years in prison.
Now, luckily, we scraped together about seven grand, got him a lawyer, and his lawyer is still fighting the case, and it's looking very good.
We even got him his bail, which was set.
We needed, what was that, $250,000?
$250,000 bail for self-defense.
So we got the $25K.
You only need 10%.
Got him out.
He showed up to court wearing a suit.
We had to lie.
By the way, the lawyer had to send out false information about when the trial was going to be because they wanted to attack him on his way to court.
So he would go at 9 a.m.
They'd say it was 2 p.m.
They all show up at 2 p.m.
By the way, they showed up at 2 p.m. and got arrested for attacking the cops.
What is going on?
So it's looking like he'll get away with self-defense.
But that was going to be 20 years for carrying a knife in a situation where you've been terrorized for 11 years.
All right.
That was number five.
Number six, based stick man.
Now, I don't think people understand how severely we get attacked when we go to these free speech rallies by these unhinged anarchists.
They are about, depending on what city you're in, they're about half rich kids, son of academics, or academics themselves, teachers and professors, and then half homeless kids who've been taken in by these globalist lesbian lawyers, given a place to stay, and been asked to pay their dues by fighting.
And then just stupid rich white kids.
So these kids are, they bring knives, they want to kill us, they throw shock grenades at us, they bear mace us.
Kyle has had, he's in his car once.
He doesn't want to drive because he's too drunk.
So he's sitting in the back drinking water and napping.
He wakes up.
They're smashing at his windows.
So he jumps out of the car to beat them up.
They bear mace him back in.
And they're trying to smash the windows so they can bear mace the entire car.
And let me tell you, mace.
I've been mace at NYU right there, wild NYU protest.
Mace totally debilitates you.
I remember in the 80s, the Nazi skinheads would carry it to beat people up.
They'd mace them and then kick their ass.
You don't know what's up or down.
You don't know.
You can't hear anything.
Like, it is completely disorienting and you can't breathe.
So they were trying to smash his window so they could spray the bear mace in and then get him outside and either beat him within an inch of his life or kill him.
And he said to me, he goes, I think this is the globalist trying to have me killed.
I think someone is paying to have me killed.
And he talked about this new Trump executive order where Trump can confiscate all of your money and your belongings if you're sex trafficking.
It sounded crazy to me.
And Kyle can be a little intense, bass stick man.
But then right after I read about this, I saw Amazon and Google got caught sex trafficking.
Now, this could be just as simple as a few tech nerds used their work emails to buy prostitutes because they were doing a 24-hour Adderall shift and they got horny at the end.
Or it could be, as Bay Stickman says, globalists sex trafficking and mad at Trump for taking their money and wanting to shut down someone like Bass Dickman who can mobilize them.
I don't know where on the spectrum that lies, obviously, but I do know that it is a total and utter injustice that Bass Dickman is facing decades in prison.
He's already lost his girlfriend and the mother of his child.
He's already, if he goes to jail, he's not going to see his mother die.
These people are unhinged, and they're laughing at him.
So there's two charges now with Bass Dick Man.
There's the one you know about, the one that called him Bass Stickman, where he had a flagpole and he was hitting people with it to defend himself.
That's the one that put him on the map.
They're calling that a lead pipe now.
Where the hell do you get a lead pipe?
You got to go in a time machine?
I've never seen a lead pipe with my own eyes.
They haven't used lead in pipes for what, 100 years?
But anyway, his stick has become a lead pipe.
And Antifa brings way worse than sticks, they bring chains, they bring those knives that have a T handle so you can really plunge into the neck.
But no, the stick is, so he's facing, I don't know, eight years for the stick.
But here's his latest charge.
He's driving around.
Yeah, that's it.
He's driving around San Francisco, Berkeley with his truck.
It looks like a monster truck.
It's a cartoon version of an all-American truck.
Big raised up wheels, giant tires.
I don't know about trucks, but you know what I mean.
A four-in-the-floor with a souped up Hemi or whatever it's called.
And in the back, he has a Trump flag and an American flag waving.
That in San Francisco is a swastika, basically.
So he's driving around this park, and then he's filming people's reactions as they're like, f ⁇ you, boo, you suck, that we hate Trump, that we hate America.
And he's laughing and filming them.
And then he goes up onto sort of a sand dune off the road so he can film better.
Everyone calls the cops on this.
I don't know what the charge is, illegal patriotism.
And the cops come.
The cops see the Rangers thing and they're pissed.
Sorry, they see the Trump thing.
So they charge him with going on a sand dune.
Like, they make it sound like he's riding sand dune.
Woohoo!
He was just parked there.
I just got a ticket for it the other day at my kids' baseball.
I parked, I got on the grass for a second because it's one lane, so I can get my kids out, and then I would go park.
No, you touch the grass, $60 fine.
Even though I was with a cop.
The cops didn't care that I was with a cop.
Usually an irrelevant little charge.
They impound his truck, that's $700, and then they start going through his stuff.
And go back to that picture, Dave.
They find this little keychain thing.
Now, just like Tommy Trigger, after someone's trying to kill you, you are armed.
You walk around with something to protect yourself.
So that is illegal to carry.
It's considered a deadly weapon.
And so he's looking at totally separate charges over the stickman thing.
Now he's looking at eight years, and they are coming down hard.
They gave him something like $300,000 bail, just like Tommy Trigger.
Insane bail.
Are you noticing a pattern here, by the way?
When we do something slightly wrong, they throw the book at us.
When a refugee or someone else does something wrong, ah, we can work it out.
You didn't know.
How many times have you seen this story where there's a Muslim rapist and he didn't speak the language?
He didn't know the word for no.
He didn't understand.
He's just learning the culture.
Meanwhile, Stickman is looking at eight years for a teaching.
Now, those are the six cases that just popped to mind.
They're all politically correct.
They're all a socialist mentality tangling with liberty, inflicting itself on our freedoms, and ruining the Constitution and this beautiful Western civilization we fought tooth and nail to build.
But I think the thing that disturbs me most about all these six cases is the lack of anger, the lack of rage.
Where's your anger, everybody?
Aren't you pissed?
When you see Chelsea Wright crying like that, traumatized after being gang raped, don't you want to kill them?
Don't you want to get out onto the streets and scream your head off?
You don't scream at the sky because Trump's president.
You scream at rapists.
I'm mad, and I'm mad that you're not mad.
There was an article in The Week recently, and you've seen it a million times.
It's why isn't there a conservative comedy?
Why isn't there a right-wing Jon Stewart?
Why conservatives just aren't into comedy?
And if you Google this, you'll see that it's almost like a perennial flower.
This article comes out exactly twice a year.
Boom, boom, boom.
Same thing.
And they never get it right.
They always say, well, conservatives just don't get humor.
They're not a funny people.
They're not cool.
We're the cool ones.
We own rock and roll and fun.
No, you banished us from comedy.
Look at Sam Hyde here, the story behind the sudden cancellation of Adult Some's Trump-loving comedy show.
Some anus over at BuzzFeed started a rumor that Sam Hyde was sneaking swastikas in the show.
Didn't, not even close to true, but it worked and it got him banished because no one right-wing is allowed in the room of comedy.
And I've seen this happen to my comedy career.
I was just basically blackballed.
I'm blackballed from all things creative.
I can't rent props because prop houses know my name and say, no, we don't want your business.
I was in a movie, Creative Control, a slightly comedic drama love story.
And I was talking to the director when I saw it at the premiere and I said, hey, in that scene where he's having a panic attack at the disco, the music seems pretty calm.
You should have had crazier music.
And he said, I did have crazier music.
The artist found out that you were in it, and he said you want to kill trans people.
So he made me cancel the song and I had to switch it out at the 11th hour.
So the reason you don't have conservative comedy is because in a strange form of reverse McCarthyism, you've banned us from comedy.
And then people will say, well, Gavin, you're saying that, but maybe you didn't make it in comedy and TV because you suck and you just weren't good enough.
Yeah, that's possible.
I considered that.
But then when I went off and did it on my own, and I did sketches like how to drink in a bar, they got tens of millions of views.
Now, this video was a series of commercials I did for Vans.
And Vans was pressured by the same social justice warriors who got Sam's show shut down.
And they said, oh, he's evil, he's a Nazi.
You got to get rid of those.
So they took them all off.
But they've since gone viral on their own.
And I've seen this in different platforms with 10, 20 million views.
How to Fight a Baby has 13 million views now.
Just play a little bit of that.
This is how funny conservatives are.
And here's your water.
Thank you.
Oh, hell no.
Hey!
What were you having?
A smoothie?
Well, it was a blackberry margarita.
What are you doing?
You know how long those take to make, you asshole?
How long do those take to make?
I don't know, like five minutes?
Do you know how much time you wasted with that bullshit?
Pretty funny, huh?
I know, I'm whining, I'm crying over spilled milk.
But you started it, you said conservatives aren't funny.
We're funny.
The places we're allowed to rear our ugly heads, like when we do commercials or our own viral videos, they're incredibly successful and funny videos.
Our woman as horny as men, which I did on Funny or Die, instantly was granted immortality status.
I'm not bragging.
I'm just saying that we got some funnies.
Look how when you try to meme.
You can't meme, Left.
I've discussed this on previous episodes.
So the only way you can win is to stack the deck.
And you look at a show like The Daily Show, it takes them an army to make that show.
And plus they have so many diversity hires and women, they have to hire 10,000 people to dilute their values.
They can get some jokes on the screen.
I think the only show that's funny right now that doesn't take an army is South Park, and they're libertarians.
So liberals are not as funny as they think they are, and the only way they can win is to force us out.
You want to see some of the biggest losers in the world?
In the intro, I talked about Magic School.
I don't really mind someone who does those little pendillet kind of tricks, pen and teller tricks.
That entertains people.
That's interesting.
I'm talking about adults stuck in their childhood, these wrinkled teenagers, these adolescent 35-year-olds who go to Harry Potter school and pretend they're in Harry Potter.
They're pretending that they're learning to become wizards and sorcerers and stuff.
Adults!
Can you imagine the level of nerdiness?
I mean, it must be full-on Asperger's at this place.
I wonder if any of them are even human.
They're so autistic.
Look at these dots.
Music Oh, my God.
Look at her.
Probably costs a fortune, dealer.
Look at this complete loser knucklehead.
I mean, maybe if you were wasted the whole time, it would be a funny backdrop or something.
That's just called Halloween, though.
You know, these people are super intense about it and seriously sit there with just like dry ice or whatever makes the smoke.
And they believe that they're concocting a potion for Zalgabrad.
You're pathetic.
Oh, you fools.
You're adults.
Look at that.
You're dressing up with potion.
And then they have these people dress up.
Isn't it ironic, too, that that castle was made during a time when Poland was great, where real men would go and fight to the death to preserve Poland's honor.
And now it's where fat nerds from America come to look at a guy in an expensive tree suit.
Ooh, you're a tree guy.
I believe it.
I don't think that's a costume.
I think you're a tree guy.
I was just working on a potion, you know.
Ooh, there's a scary guy.
He's magic.
Oh, no.
Yay, you won the game of the magic balls.
Look at them in their wigs clapping.
Oh, my God.
Wait, wait, wait, what the hell?
There's an attractive woman there.
She's going to get mauled.
They just spontaneously ejaculate every time she walks by.
Yeah, that's more like it.
Now we're cooking with gas.
Oh, a guy my dad's age.
Oh my god, you're the worst.
Look at these nerds.
You see, there's something more sinister going on here, and it's called stopping bullying.
This is what you've done, guys.
Way to go.
You stopped bullying, and now we have these nerds running rampant, dancing all over Poland, making up potions.