Get Off My Lawn Podcast #13 | How To Pick up Chicks
Amidst all of this sexual harassment, we are starting to see young men completely give up. The cons are outweighing the pros, and the whole idea of courtship and romance is being replaced with porn and loneliness. In this crucial sex guide, I tell guys how to avoid the friend zone without coming across as a rapist. This war on sex and all things fun is rooted in communism and hatred for traditionalism, so getting laid is no trivial matter. It’s imperative to our survival as a species. Note: The name of the Antifa kid I was trying to remember in this episode is Nathan Andrew Hose. He killed himself on August 15th, 2017.
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Peace and love.
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How to pick up chicks.
You know, amidst all of these controversies, I'm getting a little worried about young men.
And I'm scared that they're going to be too scared to hit on girls.
Can you imagine being a single man right now?
You know, I was talking to my brother, he's 30, or 34, something like that, and he said out of all of his friends, out of all the couples, 100% of them have a male cook.
I gotta work on rephrasing that.
Out of all my brother's friends who are in a relationship, Within those groups, the guy always cooks.
Not once does the woman cook.
And I've come across this a few times.
I used to work with a guy, we'd be having drinks after work and he'd go, oh crap, I gotta get back.
Why, what's going on?
My wife's really hungry, I gotta make her something.
If we were going on a business trip, he would pre-prepare Like a chicken casserole that would be ready to put in the oven.
And I'm not talking about one case, I'm talking about many cases where the woman couldn't feed herself.
Like my other buddy, an old drinking buddy, this was back when I was single, he'd go, oh man, I gotta get back, she hasn't eaten all day.
And I'd go, it's not a goldfish!
What are you, just sprinkle some food along the top?
She comes up and eats it?
Are you just in the relationship for the fellatio?
Because she doesn't have any legs.
Um...
So it's a strange time.
It's a genderless time.
There's no roles.
And that's not a huge deal when it comes to food, obviously.
But it becomes a bigger deal when it comes to courting.
And I want to do this episode on how to pick up chicks because I'm the master, obviously.
But I also want to make it a sort of a broader look at gender and these roles we have and how I think a lot of men are lost now.
Or a lot of them just give up and go to their computers.
That's why we're so anti-pornography here at the Proud Boys.
Because we don't want you hiding alone in your room.
Beating off.
I mean, what's sadder than that?
You're sitting there watching a movie.
You're watching a video of two people, who don't even like each other by the way, having sex.
And this has already happened.
So you're watching footage of a previous act.
Could have happened years ago.
And there you are, just jerking it to, you know, when they say you look at a star and it could have burnt out years ago, but you're just seeing the sort of refuse of the light, because it takes that long for light to travel to you.
That's what you're watching.
You're watching a dead star.
That anus that you're looking at, that brown star, is a dead star.
That happened a long ass time ago.
What is sadder than that?
It's pathetic!
And the only thing worse than it is people defending it.
Like I used to work with this guy, Ben Ratner.
We called him Rat.
And I'd say, look, Rat, you're a virgin.
You're 23.
I want to help you.
You need a motorbike.
You need a leather jacket.
You need to grow out some of your facial hair.
You need to drink.
You need to do drugs.
You need to get in a fist fight.
And that all starts with not masturbating.
Stop.
Quit porn.
He goes, no way!
No thanks!
And I go, pardon me?
You're defending that?
That's, like you say to a smoker, you need to quit smoking, they don't go, no way, Jose, I love it.
They go, yeah, I got a, I'm on it.
I'm trying, I'm gonna try Nicorette gum.
But he goes, yep, no thanks, I'm good.
He said, and I quote, that's all I got.
Yeah, that's the problem, dude.
Now, the problem with me talking about picking up chicks is I'm half a century old.
I was born before tight jeans.
I was born in bell bottoms.
I was wearing bell bottoms when I came out of the womb.
They were drenched in placenta and after birth.
They had to cut them off me with surgical scissors.
I was born when Vietnam was going on.
I was born-- I think I was born before JFK was shot I'm not very good with history.
Let me just look that up.
JFK shot.
1963.
1963, sorry, no, I wasn't born then.
But, so I'm talking to you and you have dating apps And my understanding of these dating apps is you just go and get a blowjob.
It's just a given.
That's really sad, I think.
That's like being in a band.
I'm sure after the fifth groupie, you sort of go, this is not romantic.
I honestly believe men are romantic.
We're sort of seen as, we just want to bang and run.
But I don't think that's true.
I think we like to cuddle.
I think we want to go for breakfast with you the next day.
And I've talked to porn stars, like Mercedes Carrera told me that men in these porn where they're, you know, violent towards these women and choke fucking them and all that, they will steal a little break and go off with one of the girls and just sort of hold her and kiss her and stroke her hair while they make love.
And the director will go, what the hell's going on?
Get over here.
Stop it with that disgusting snuggling.
Get back to work.
Get back to degrading her, you softy.
That's why I could never really get into prostitutes.
Because it's so clinical.
And it's like, yeah, okay, so here's the deal.
200 bucks, you can do this, you can do that.
You got 40 minutes.
What are you, a dude?
That's what's so sad about gay sex.
Alright, let's get started.
Alright, we're gonna do it.
Okay.
My wife worked with a gay guy once, and, uh, he would... She worked in fashion, so I shouldn't say once.
I should say all the time.
And he would just sort of be horny, and he'd go, ah, fuck.
I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go get laid.
He would get up from his desk.
They were in Soho at the time.
And he would just walk around Soho, and then sort of do the eyes.
Hey.
And then they'd go down in an alleyway.
He would receive a blowjob, and then he would come back to work.
Ah, there we go.
I mean, on the one hand, that sounds awesome.
If the genders were correct.
But on the other hand, it's profoundly sad.
And I was talking to a guy about this, a conservative in New York, and I said, I want to talk about picking up chicks on my podcast, but I have a feeling it's not a problem.
And he goes, yeah, actually, I'm at the point now where I just want love.
I just want to hold someone.
I want a relationship.
Like he'd been too laid.
And it reminds me of graffiti I saw in Israel, where it said in Hebrew, hey Tinder, my dick is broken, I want love.
And in Israeli, my dick is broken means I've had enough.
I can't handle it anymore.
It's a weird saying, too.
They'll say it in a business sense.
My dick is broken, I can't work with this client anymore.
So there definitely is, it's definitely possible that I'm sitting here telling you how to have sex and the opposite problem is going on where there's just too much sex and it's too clinical and there's not enough romance.
That's conceivable.
You know I talk to these millennials and they tell me that 25-year-olds, when you start getting serious with them, they think you're desperate.
They think you're a loser.
Because in women's minds these days, a 25-year-old is like 16.
So she doesn't understand why you want to settle down.
I'm just a 25-year-old.
I'm a teenager.
Meanwhile, ladies, you really only got five years left of breeding.
The hourglass turns upside down at 30.
The sand is dwindling till 35.
You can still have a kid.
My mom had my brother when she was 40.
My wife had my youngest when she was 41.
But A, you're an old parent, like me, which sucks.
And B, those aren't the statistical odds.
Statistically, You're looking at fertility drugs, you're looking at adopting, and you're risking autism.
Have you noticed every kid has Asperger's these days?
Have you noticed how many kids are on Adderall and Ritalin?
It's because they have old moms.
Like Jimmy Kimmel is up there talking about health care and his son was born with a heart.
Yeah, dude.
No one's talking about this, but your wife is ancient.
You had a baby with an old lady.
And that leads to health problems.
What about men?
Yeah, that's true.
Old men, old sperm leads to problems.
But that's much older.
65, 70-year-old sperm is problematic.
But 35-year-old women?
It's not the best scenario.
And, trust me, you want to have five.
Having three is not enough.
Having one is for losers.
I've always said, one is for losers, two is for fags, three is the bare minimum.
But these women, I know of a girl, and this is a very common story.
Not common, but this is totally typical.
My friend proposed to this girl.
He was 20.
They'd lived together for five years.
So she's 25.
He proposed to her.
She said, no, I'm too young.
What the hell does that mean?
You want more dicks?
Sorry, I want to try a black guy, a Hawaiian.
I want one that's sort of corkscrew-shaped.
I want a long, skinny one that's like spaghetti.
Then I want to try a short, fat one that looks like it's in Lord of the Rings.
So, of course, she tries that, I guess.
She goes out with an East Indian guy, we'll say.
And she was surprised how small it was, because he's kind of black.
And he goes, well, we are technically Asian.
And she tries to get him back.
This always happens.
They say no.
I'm too young.
They go try some dicks for some reason.
Like there's a variety of dicks.
I've seen a million dicks.
You know, at the gym and stuff.
Outside of like some African dude with a baby leg.
They're all basically the same.
I mean, there's some tiny ones, sure, but it's not like an epidemic.
For all the cock talk guys do about the contours and the length, it's not really a thing.
I mean, I haven't seen a lot of boners, but I'm sure they're basically the same size.
Anyway, she comes back, tries to get him back, and he says, no, I moved on.
I wasn't going to sit here and wait for you, you dummy.
So, the problem right now with relationships, serious relationships, is women think they're 10 years younger than they are.
25-year-olds think they're 15.
And that's really dangerous.
And this is the funny thing about all this feminism, too, is it's screwing women.
They are just colostomy bags for men's cum at this point.
They're just booty calling, showing up, like all these feminist bloggers who attack me at Salon and Slate and Huffington Post.
Their lives are miserable.
They're so lonely.
And they're victims of feminism.
Men fuck them whenever they want.
And then they dump them.
And they'll do stuff like buy them a dog.
I'm a dog mom.
I'm a cat mom.
That's all just a, that's a synthetic baby you just got duped with.
It's a decoy and you fell for it.
So the irony of fighting feminism and talking about picking up chicks and putting a ring on and all that is, it's best for women.
And the other route, the feminist route where sex doesn't matter and you shouldn't, you know, do anything that where it hasn't all been laid out in advance, that's bad for women.
You'll never find a happier couple than two Catholics who got married in their early 20s and just started churning them out.
And their marriages last longer, too.
You know why?
Because they developed their habits together.
Monday night's movie night.
And it's been movie night forever.
The problem with old couples, like when your dad tries to get remarried, he's set in his ways.
I don't watch movies on Mondays.
That's not my thing.
And she wants Mondays to be movie night.
No, I'm not doing that.
They have their traditions, they have their values.
If you ever hung out with any 50-year-olds, like Anthony Cumia, or David Cross, or Bill McGowan, Peter Brimelow, they all have this thing where it's like, take it or leave it.
And Colter's like that.
Like, hey, you want to go for dinner on Tuesday?
Actually, Monday would be better for me.
No.
They're not open to negotiation, people in their 50s.
I can feel it happening to me at 47.
Another thing millennials told me about dating is this kid called me up and he goes, I have a theory about all these sex scandals.
He goes, it's a way for women to court men by playing the victim.
He said, whenever I go to a bar and I'm trying to pick up a chick, inevitably the conversation goes to, I am a victim.
So it'll be, Yeah, I just got out of a relationship.
I trusted him, and he was cheating on me, and he hurt me really bad, and sometimes he'd hit me, and, you know, I kept going back for more, and blah, blah, blah.
And he said, sometimes I don't even think it's true.
It's just like, I'm going to portray myself as a victim, and then you, naturally, as the alpha, want to come over and help her.
You see this injured bird, and you want to put it in a shoebox and, you know, feed it milk with a little eyedropper.
And he goes, that's become courting in New York City in 2017, is injured birds.
And he also said the problem there is that these betas, they don't have that instinct.
So you can't just say, I was in a relationship and he cheated on me and I cried.
They go, so?
So you have to ramp it up and go, he raped me 15 times.
Oh, okay.
That's sort of getting me.
It's like movies now where every single movie has to start with a dead child just to get you interested.
Are we becoming numb?
Are we losing our benevolence?
Maybe one of the problems with this war on boys and this castration, this cultural castration of men is they're losing their heroic instincts.
They're losing their empathy.
So now, movies have to start with a dead child, and courtship has to start with this woman saying she was raped 15 times.
By the way, unless you're a Yazidi sex slave, you can't be raped 15 times.
I'm talking about this makeup artist I was reading about who said that this guy would force her to perform fellatio, and he said it would, it would, she had to do it to keep her job, and she did it 15 times.
That's insane.
That's a lie.
And, I gotta say, T.J.
Miller, not a fan.
Don't like them.
I think he's an opportunist like everyone in L.A.
They're all just ruthless, soulless scumbags, especially comedians, and they will do anything.
They'll sell their mother to get ahead.
However, as someone who cares more about justice than the individual, I don't think what T.J.
Miller did was that bad.
She mentions being punched during sex.
That's a bit rich.
Although I have had French chicks ask me to do that.
They're very intense, the French.
But she kept going back for more, and then she didn't want to prosecute him because it took her a year to process this.
So she couldn't go to the cops because it took her a year to process what had happened to her.
And you go, it sounds like you just had rough sex and you weren't that into it.
Move on.
And what this culture is doing is it's making men scared.
I was talking to another person.
I'm just reciting all my conversations here.
It's a good way to absolve me of any blame.
I just say, someone said this, and I'm just a random observer.
I'm just an objective observer.
But she said, and I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but she said, Back when there was date rape?
Yes, I know, this is getting pretty controversial.
She was obviously being hyperbolic, by the way.
Like Tom Shalhoub, he used to say, you gotta quit masturbating, it makes you rape your wife.
He doesn't literally mean rape your wife like your wife is screaming, no, no!
He means it makes you much more hungry and determined to fornicate.
There's so much policing of language now that you can't be hyperbolic anymore.
Could Jonathan Swift exist today if he told the Irish that they need to eat their young?
Jonathan Swift should be arrested.
He wants you to murder babies.
So, she said, back when there was date rape, you could maintain your chastity.
You know, the guy would chase you up the stairs and you'd giggle and say, get your hands off me.
And then you'd end up sleeping over and you would say, I never.
And you'd storm out in the morning.
Why, my goodness, you are an absolute cad, sir.
And you'd go, ha ha, you love it.
And she'd still be a lady.
But now with all this, look, as I made it clear on Tinder, I do BJ's first date, second date, we can do normal sex, third date, uh, anal.
You can opt out at any time.
You just killed it.
You killed the fun.
And so I guess when I say this episode is about picking up chicks, what I'm really saying is let's try to get the fun back into courtship.
And that includes molesting, I'm afraid.
Now, Young men say to me, but Gavin, how do I molest without molesting?
Without it being gross?
And that is the real challenge.
That's what being a dude, a single guy is, is finding that balance between being rough, being assertive, taking charge, and being a disgusting pig.
Like Harvey Weinstein.
Disgusting pig, obviously, that's a great example, that's an easy one.
Louis C.K., well, he's not cool, But it's not the same as Weinstein.
Louis C.K.
asked permission.
Now, I don't get it, personally.
My thing, sexually, is I need to be adored.
So the idea of, like, I don't even like, the idea of putting on a condom for a blowjob is like, is my penis a frozen piece of shit?
Why is it so disgusting to you that you need to put a condom on it?
So I don't get the Louis C.K.
thing, but it's not really predatorial.
It's just loser-ish.
But the balance a man is trying to do when he's hitting on a girl is he's trying to be a cad.
I mean, it turns women on to be a pig.
You just have to find the balance and read her.
And sometimes no doesn't mean no.
Sometimes three no's means no.
And you gotta work that out.
It's funny that Louis C.K.
has a whole bit about that, about how this woman kind of wanted him to rape her, and then she got mad that he stopped.
And he goes, I'd rather not risk 15 years in prison, thanks.
And now we're in a situation where, like with Mattress Girl and with this T.J.
Miller case, and with Terry Richardson, by the way, you can have consensual sex, then she can regret it years later, and now you're a rapist.
Like Jamie Peck.
She is sort of the go-to person for Terry Richardson.
She was an example of a woman who was raped.
And you go, why'd you do it again?
Well, I wanted to get into modeling.
Your ass is the size of a Honda Civic.
You never would have been in Vogue.
Terry can't get you in Vogue.
You have cheesy tattoos all over you, like squids, and you look like a juggalo.
You're a juggalette.
There's no way Terry could get you in Vogue, so what are you talking about?
Well, it was, it was so, I couldn't, I was paralyzed.
Yeah, no, you weren't.
I've been to his shoots.
They're orgies.
And then there was an article in the New York Mag where they discovered that Jamie Peck had gone back ten times.
Because they're going through photos of Jamie that Terry took, and she's wearing... She has a different hairdo in every one.
Like, length and colour.
Either you brought a lot of wigs to your raping, or you're lying.
But she's the go-to girl for him.
So, yeah, there's a real climate of fear there.
Mattress girl.
He was putting it in her vagina, he put it in her pooper, and she said no.
And then she carried a... even though she flirted with him afterwards... Like, can you imagine someone beats the shit out of you?
And you text them, hey Jerry, what's going on on Thursday?
Aren't you the guy I kicked the crap out of?
Yeah, just wondering what you're doing, dude.
And when she was discovered contacting him after the alleged rape, she says, there are no perfect victims.
I was contacting him because I was scared he was going to hurt me, so I was pretending to be friendly.
Shut up, you liar.
Way to trivialize actual rape, by the way.
I know girls that have been actually raped.
They don't want to talk about it.
They will talk about it, briefly, give you the very clinical facts.
They might even make a joke about it.
But they're certainly not carrying a mattress around.
They want to move on, generally.
So you have to worry now, when you're horsing around.
And by the way, the mattress girl thing, the vagina into the anus and then back again or whatever, that was an episode of the Mindy Kaling Show, where he claimed he did it by accident.
It was a comedic sitcom episode, where everyone laughed and clapped.
That ruined that boy's life, by the way.
I think he's a German guy.
He sued the school.
I think the charges were... I think he lost his case.
I'm not positive.
You can look that up.
So, yeah, you're in a situation where you could have some saucy sex and then two years later you're a villain for it.
Especially in New York.
I come from Montreal where girls are, you know, barefoot and they have a toe ring on and dreads and they want to make love.
Let's make love outside.
I love you, and that we are doing it from the back And then like even this strip clubs you go to strip clubs in Montreal.
They're not fun because they're not seedy They're like she's not a single mom with fake tits and like a Mickey Mouse tattoo on her neck That's strip clubs are supposed to be kind of sad, but in Montreal.
They're just like oh Libidinous ladies who like to dance around nude.
And you go, meh, this is a party.
It's not decrepit enough.
Sorry, I'm leaving.
Super sex!
That's one of the clubs.
There's more strip clubs per capita in Montreal than I believe anywhere else in the world.
When we would go in Montreal, it was really just a place to drink expensive beer.
Like, it was just a bar with $7 beers.
Anyway, yeah, here in New York, oh yeah, so coming from Montreal to New York, the violence, like, they wouldn't just say, hit me, they'd say, kill me!
Jewish girls, mostly.
Very raunchy in the sack.
And of course, the second you're done, the session, you know, the roles end.
So, I remember one woman, um, she was, we were fornicating and at the end she goes, I'm your whore, I'm your stupid whore!
And then the final act happens.
And then she's smoking a cigarette after and she goes, I'm not your whore, by the way.
So it's all a game.
And the challenge is playing that game without having your life flushed down the toilet.
Now, you say, well, the way you do that is you get consent for everything.
And do you mind if I put my hand here?
Yeah, that's not going to work.
Here's what works.
Here's an example of a handy tip.
So, you're in the bathroom with a girl.
You have cocaine, you're both doing it.
And you go, you're so hot, I can't believe I went.
The key to picking up chicks is you have to find one you like.
You have to really feel it.
You have to know your type.
My type is ethnically ambiguous brunettes, smart girls.
And so when I'm hitting on a girl like that, I mean it.
But if it's just like a pretty girl that your friends would be impressed if you got, I say don't bother.
Or if it's a girl, you're kind of horny, and she looks like she's a goer, and you could do it, don't do that.
Your heart's not in it.
You're never going to see her again.
That's lame.
I don't get that sex for one night.
And I've blown minds by saying this, and I'll say it right now.
If I met Jessica Alba, and I didn't know her, and she had platform flip-flops on, I would not have sex with her.
Yeah, you heard me.
Because we would not... I couldn't love someone with platform flip-flops.
Similarly, if I met Rosie O'Donnell, and she wasn't Rosie O'Donnell, and she had Louboutins on, and she was funny and interesting, I would have a great romp.
And I think that's a handy tip for you.
Go with someone that you have an incentive with.
Anyway, so you're in the bathroom, and you're like, God, you're so hot.
I need to see your tits.
Just flash them.
Now, she's never going to show you them.
But that just shows that you are determined.
And it prevents the dreaded friend zone.
There's nothing worse than taking a girl home to your house and being a buddy.
And then you have to, like, you're laughing with your buddy that you brought home, and then you have to go... And then go in for the kiss.
Oh, God.
You go in for the kiss the second you meet her.
You're like, God damn it, I can't stop staring at you.
You are the hottest.
What are you?
Are you from some other land?
And now you've established that I'm going to kiss you the second you give me an opportunity.
And then you don't have to do that.
Gross.
I was just kidding.
We're not friends.
I like you more than a friend.
So anyway, you're in the bathroom and you're trying to... One time, by the way, I was in Austin and I go, look, this woman had huge tits.
And I go, look, let's address the elephant in the room.
I'm dying to see those.
It's not a big deal for you to show me them.
And I was kind of bluffing and she just goes, all right, and just pulls up her shirt and dumps them out.
It was the best.
But you're in the bathroom, you're molesting her.
This, by the way, the whole show is about this imminent tip.
And I'm framing everything around it.
And she's like, get off me!
No, no, no, no!
Stop!
Will you stop?
And you're wondering, am I, uh, is this a mattress girl moment?
Or is it, is she aware that I'm not gonna literally rip her clothes off?
And so, you do this.
You go, You know what?
Fuck this.
And you pull out your phone.
And you pretend to call 911.
And you go, yeah, hi.
Yeah, no, yeah.
No, I'm at a bar called Chesar Cat.
I'm here with an 8.9.
And she refuses to show me her tits.
I'm waiting to send a squad car right now.
And I don't care.
I'm going to throw the book at her.
Like, I want to go fully to trial.
OK, thank you.
And that is an element of humor where you can gauge how funny it's going and see if she laughs.
I've actually had girls get mad when I do that because I'm breaking the fourth wall and I'm leaving my character and I'm saying, are you okay with this?
It's like too nice.
Nice guys finish last.
Another one you do is you call your lawyer.
And you say, hey Artie, uh, I wanna go through with this trial.
Um, I wanna sue this- I'm here with an 8.9, I'm trying to- I want to sue her for not showing me her tits or her ass, by the way.
Yep.
Okay, well write up a letter, um, I'm gonna get- I'm with her now.
I'll get her- I'll get her details, I'll find out if she has counsel.
That takes the edge off.
But the danger is sometimes, you know, they don't want that.
They want you to seem like an evil rapist.
You know, Margaret Atwood wrote about this once.
She's the one who did that, what's that show now about the Handmaid's Tale?
Really irritating show.
Because she wrote it back in the 70s with Iran.
Remember the Iranian hostage crisis and the revolution there?
When the women were told they had to start wearing hijabs.
I remember Margaret Atwood from when I was a kid.
And she was obsessed with sexism in the Middle East.
I remember reading when I was a teenager about how in the Middle East they torture these women by prying open their vaginas and having millipedes and other insects crawl in as a form of torture.
And Margaret Atwood would write about this.
But then 2017 rolled around, or 2015, whatever, and it wasn't cool anymore to notice Muslim sexism.
So she just makes the Handmaid's Tale about Trump.
Yeah, it's about Mike Pence.
Mike Pence wants women to be baby machines.
So she twisted it and she took a tale that was lampooned, not lampooning, exposing Muslim sexism.
And now she updated it because she's a mercenary.
She updated it and made it about tradition and how me, the patriarchy, cis white men, want women to be baby machines.
No, we're trying to rescue them from being colostomy bags.
50% of the Proud Boys mantra is put a ring on it.
When we have our little meetings and some guy shows up and his wife's pregnant, we all high-five him.
You did it, dude.
That's what it's about.
The feminist version is the lonely cat lady binging Netflix all weekend.
So she can't wait till Monday when she can get back to some sort of an existence, which is blogging.
And by the way, if you notice these women, it takes them like two months to write an article.
I used to write a 3,000-word article a week, and I'd do it the day before.
That's like a magazine cover story.
They work for weeks and weeks on these.
Go look up any of these feminist spinsters, shit chests, as I call them, because they're like Iron Man, but instead of the powerful thing in the chest, it's a piece of poop.
Go look up their sort of bio on their website and you'll see there's an article every month or so.
A month?
I could read a book a month.
You're not a writer.
You didn't choose the right vocation.
But anyway... The trads that The Handmaid's Tale is now attacking are best for women, ultimately.
But yeah, Margaret Atwood wrote about all that stuff and, you know, she had a valid point.
It was.
It is a disgusting sexist hellhole.
But yeah, women often, especially in New York City, where it's dog eat dog, they like rough sex.
They like guys to be predatorial.
They like guys to be tough and assertive.
And you want to do that without going to court.
I remember this girl I had sex with once.
She emailed me the next day and said, thank you for raping me last night.
That really sums it up, that email.
Oh yeah, so Margaret Atwood, she said, she conceded that women have rape fantasies, but she said, uh, this is true, but we're not getting raped by some, like, hairy fat dude behind a bush who has a knife and a ski mask on when we're, you know, it's 4pm and we're coming back with the groceries.
She goes, our ripe fantasies involve Mr. Clean, and he's, you know, coming over to fix something, and then he takes me in the night.
And I think that's true.
You know, it's a role, and the woman has to define the parameters.
So sometimes the woman defines the parameters, and she's like, okay, we're safe now?
Be evil.
And I think, and I think women enjoy that, and I think men... Men don't necessarily enjoy that, by the way.
Like the rough sex thing.
I think men just will do whatever you want.
Like, I remember when I started having sex when I was, you know, in my early twenties, regularly, I was like, what do you want to do?
I'll be a clown.
You like clowns?
I'll put on a clown nose.
I don't care.
And then I noticed over time that when I would say, who's your daddy and smack her ass, that I would get a very positive response.
So I pursued that route.
Because supply and demand, the free market of intercourse.
But yeah, when men are doing all that rough stuff and slapping and choking and dirty talk, we're just sort of like whatever turns you on.
But I think women tend to enjoy that kind of scary sex even.
But man, in today's day and age, I, you know, I heard about a fraternity where they, when every time the guy has sex, a pledge has to sit in the room on a kitchen chair and watch them.
So if you want to have sex with a dude in this fraternity, you should know a guy sitting there.
He's not jerking off or anything.
He's just sitting there observing.
And I'll tell you what, if I was a 20-something right now, I would get a Nest Cam.
You know Nest?
Those sort of thermostats you can control with your phone?
They have cameras, too.
And I would hide a camera in my house.
I wouldn't tell a soul, because it's probably illegal.
And I would record every time I had intercourse.
Now, if I went to a girl's house, I don't know, I might, like, put the phone on the floor and record it.
Set it to at least record audio.
And then when she says, you raped me, like the T.J.
Miller situation, you go, look, I'm not going to show this to anyone unless it goes to court, but you should know that I have it on tape.
Like Dove Charney.
Someone, Kimber Lowe, said he raped her.
And he goes, really?
I have photographs of the intercourse.
And you seem to be having a pretty good time.
So that saved his ass in that case.
You know, it's... it's... it's... another example of the left's war on fun.
They ruin comedy, they ruin movies, they ruin Star Wars.
I haven't seen it yet, but I hear it's a huge steaming pile of diversity.
And I heard that women are all the lieutenants and generals and they're driving the ships and the starships.
What is this obsession with women being in action movies?
Women can't fight.
Every guy I know has been attacked by a woman who was drunk once.
You can take like, well I've said it many times, you can take 12 punches to the head from a woman.
It's very annoying.
It's like being hit by a bird.
It's like a seagull came in and smashed you in the head and you go, ow!
Damn it!
But without the beak.
Put a sock on a seagull's beak and then have him dive bomb you from the sky and that feels like a woman's punch.
It's very irritating.
It kind of startles you.
But you don't look like a pumpkin the next day the way you do when you fight a man.
But no, we need them in action movies.
We need them kicking ass.
We need them punching Nazis.
Antifa's entire movement is just women that want to kick your ass.
And then scream police.
Or, I notice what the left is doing is they browbeat the men in the movement.
Say, you should be punching those Nazis.
Go in there and fight.
Get in there and kick some Nazi ass, you pussy.
You're supposed to be fighting for me.
Like the Proud Boys beat up in Vancouver.
That was a woman.
Getting on the phone and saying, uh, go kick his ass.
Go handle this for me.
It's just sinister.
And that's why I say shit chest.
Because I love women and I think women are wonderful human beings.
They're, as Ann Coulter says, they're sentient.
They're magic.
They can create life.
A human comes out of them.
And then that human can talk and draw a picture and walk down the street.
That came out of a woman?
All I could do is lay turds.
I'm impressed.
But when you inject feminism into a woman, it's like you got a robot wet.
So they're just malfunctioning.
And they're miserable in these terrible jobs.
They've got their cats.
And they want revenge.
That's why these articles that they write are so malificent.
Is that the word I'm looking for?
Malicious?
They're just so craven.
And there's so much vitriol in their writing.
They just want to get revenge.
And it's revenge on their terrible situation.
It's revenge on the fact that they can't cook.
They don't know how to make a home.
They reject traditional values, having never even tried them.
And what are you replacing it with?
Nothing.
You know, when I met my wife, her room, her house, looked like every other girl's apartment.
There's two massive mountains of clothes.
One is dirty, one is clean.
There's three dishes in the entire apartment, and they're both dirty in the sink.
You open the fridge, there's nothing at all in there.
Maybe one little thing of takeout, and hot sauce, and maybe mustard.
And then there's a TV on the floor and a mattress on the floor.
That's every girl I ever slept with.
And I'm talking hundreds.
Now, I was very lucky.
My wife sort of became domestic.
She just magically learned to cook overnight and is the best cook I know of.
So I'm very fortunate that way, but a lot of these other women, they've just, they've had traditional roles usurped, taken away from them, and they get replaced with nothing.
And so they're just an empty vessel.
In fact, they end up being a shitty man.
So you don't cook or clean or have babies, but you, what's your career?
Oh, I'm a writer.
Really?
How many books have you written?
Oh, haha, I don't write books.
Those are too hard.
No, I just write stupid blog articles where I call people Nazi.
Oh, okay.
So are Nazis a big problem in America?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Huge problem.
You know, there's twice as many deaths since 9-11 from Nazis than there are from Muslims.
What?
I'm sitting in a chair here with a mind, and I'm playing back the past 15 years, and I'm seeing San Bernardino and Fort Hood and Pulse nightclub, and I'm seeing two attacks in New York last week.
There's lots of Nazi attacks?
There's Heather Heyer in Charlottesville.
I'm happy to give you Dylan Roof.
Because you want it so bad, but you know deep down that this guy is not your typical Nazi.
Who is he friends with?
What organization?
Like, where are his articles in Daily Stormer?
He wasn't known to people, like Jared Taylor, David Duke, those guys are known in the white nationalist community.
If they did an act and they shot up a black church, I'd go, that's a perfect example of terrorism.
But whatever, Dylann Roof is a racist, so fine, we'll call that terrorism.
But that's pretty much all you got.
And if you want to include the globe, if you want to include Europe, if you want to include Paris, you're going to see a plague going on.
But for some reason, we have robbed women of any joy in their life, we've stripped them of anything rewarding, we tell them they need a career, and they spend their career Nazi hunting.
Which is Bigfoot hunting.
Like Will Sommer over at the Hill.
His whole job is finding a Nazi in a haystack.
Why?
What a stupid, useless job.
The ADL, the SPLC, their job is just hunting Nazis.
And you go, can we wait until there's more than a Heather hire?
Until there's some sort of pattern?
Like, they go through my life, Proud Boys' lives, with a fine-tooth comb, trying to find, like, this guy met this guy, and that guy went to Charlottesville.
Or this guy was friends with this guy, who drew a racist cartoon.
That's literally what happened once.
Patton Oswalt was in a picture with some guy, I forget his name, Wyatt or something, but he'd...
He drew, you know that sinister looking Jewish cartoon where the guy's rubbing his hands together and he's got a big nose?
Racists always use it as a sort of cartoon image of Shylock, of a Jew.
And this is the guy who originally drew it.
And Patton Oswalt was in the picture.
And that guy from, what's his name, BuzzFeed, Ben Robenstein or something, he's the guy who got Sam Hyde fired.
Because he claimed Sam Hyde hid swastikas in his show.
To which Sam replied, what?
Why would I do that?
Muslims do that.
There was a Muslim cartoonist at Marvel Comics who was hiding Muslim nomenclature in comic books for kids.
But yeah, Sam Hyde's not a Nazi, and you're trying to ruin Patton Oswalt's life because he was featured in a photo with a guy who drew a racist cartoon?
Now take that kind of rigor...
And apply it to Islam or the left.
Apply it to, I'm going off on a tangent here, it's nothing to do with picking up chicks, but apply it to Antifa, where they've got Mika Rhodes, remember him?
He was, I think he was a Portland Antifa guy?
This guy would take in, the thing about these far left groups too, the alt-left, is they'll sort of adopt Losers and, you know, juggalos and someone without a dad and someone without any parents.
You know, homeless kids.
They'll take them in and say, we have a family now.
We're anarchists who fight the man.
Cool.
And then they get raped.
And Mika Rhodes raped couples.
This is a huge Antifa guy in Portland.
He raped boys and girls.
Teenage boys and girls.
Several times.
He's a repeat offender.
So when he got arrested for disrupting DJ 20 or whatever, they go, wait a minute, you're that rapist guy.
And he was subsequently thrown in jail.
Or Luke Coon.
Remember him?
He was the guy who said, James O'Keefe caught him saying he's going to blow up, he's going to blow up a train track.
And sorry, I'm saying Amalok because I'm looking up this other guy that I want to talk about.
I'm not doing a very good job here.
Sorry.
He talked about how he was going to blow, come to your house, I'm going to burn it down.
You know, we, if Trump, at the election, if Trump wins, we're going to derail trains, we're going to do all this stuff.
Typical Antifa guy.
And then we look him up and we discover that he writes sort of erotic fan fiction about having sex with boys, like 10 year olds.
And he talks about, he talks about How he was, you know, very young when he had sex and how wonderful it was and how we have to stop preventing children from exploring their sexuality with experienced people.
In other words, we have to rape children.
And there was this other guy, what was his name, Nathan?
Thorpe or something?
God, I should have had this ready.
I'll look it up as we talk, but he was this kid who joined Antifa and he, oh God, this is the worst podcast ever as I try to find this.
Nathan Thorpe?
Anyway, sorry.
He was this guy, and he was in New Orleans, and he was kind of a lonely kid, and he, you know, one of these sort of street punks you see with a dog that has a rope on it, and he got encouraged by Antifa to go get involved in violence, and he did, and then he's facing prison time, and he gets so scared he kills himself.
He offs himself.
And, uh, you think, okay, so your problem with my group is that you think that it's a gateway drug to Nazis somewhere down the line.
This threat, by the way, that doesn't exist.
It's Bigfoot chasing.
Yet, this group here is replete with rapists and suicide, and that's not just Antifa.
Like, the entire left is so unbelievably corrupt, and they say to us, they go, well, okay, if you don't have a problem with Nazis, why do I see you kicking out Nazis?
Because we have a degree of rigor.
Because we go, well, back to William F. Buckley at National Review, he would say, oh, you're a Nazi?
Get out of here.
We don't like you.
The left doesn't do that.
The left goes, oh, you're a child rapist?
Don't worry about it.
Oh, you're encouraging kids who are lost to get so in over their heads they kill themselves?
Don't worry about it.
Oh, you're a new Black Panther Party member who wants to kill all white people, wants to end the white race?
Yeah, me too.
I hate white people.
I hate myself.
Oh, come on in.
So, when they call us Nazis and they call us rapists and sexists and stuff, we're really just people who want what's best for everyone.
And those are all lies.
Meanwhile, all the things that you're pouring over our lives and our quotes and taking jokes out of context, trying to find the bad guy, you're the bad guy.
All of those details, all that racism, all that genocide, Is on your side.
And I think that's why they, you'll notice they say that a lot too.
They'll go, you want us to literally die?
Like Chadwick Moore, I had him on my show and he was saying that he showed me this screen grab of this guy who said, why do you have mega in your profile?
Do you literally want us all to die?
They think that Pence is gonna have, like, this gas he's gonna release that kills gays.
And I've heard gays say this, that they're scared of getting rounded up in the middle of the night.
Open up!
Gay police!
Get in the van!
And I think the reason they say such absurd things is because that's what they would do.
They dehumanize people.
They want Ann Coulter dead.
They want me dead.
They would make tons of jokes if I died.
I saw them making jokes when Roger Ailes' body was still warm, laughing about his dead body.
Nason Hose, that was the guy, the name of the kid who killed himself.
And we know this because they wear hammers and sickles on their clothes, and communism is responsible for a hundred million deaths.
Nazis are responsible for six million deaths.
And we're not Nazis, and you are communists.
How did we get here?
Like McCarthyism, they were trying to find, they were trying to stop communism.
Communism was a major global problem.
And the actors that they were persecuting were communists.
The actors, the people they're persecuting now are not Nazis.
And Nazism isn't a thing.
What kind of life is that?
You sit at home.
I'm a Bigfoot chaser.
I chase Bigfoots all day.
I have evidence.
We found a footprint somewhere.
And what's even worse than that, the people who write about it and hunt these people down, is the people who get money for it, like the ADL and the SPLC.
They sit there, and they find traumatized old Jewish people who have justified PTSD, and they say, there's Nazis lurking.
Really?
Yeah, you should give me a check.
I mean, you're taking advantage of a damaged person, and you're getting them to give you money.
I don't know why they don't do it with Islam.
Every time they have a list of hate groups, or like 60 Minutes had the thing with Christian Picciolini, and it was all about how Nazis are the real problem here.
They didn't mention Islam once.
This guy claims that he's there to help people who used to hate, but he never deals with someone who was a jihadist.
In fact, Canada is now welcoming jihadists back into the country because they have an important voice that needs to be heard.
That's an actual quote from Justin Trudeau.
He had this guy, Joshua Boyle, come over to the parliament buildings and sit with him in his office.
This guy brought his pregnant wife to Taliban territory and had her raped.
She became a sex slave.
She had kids there.
One of them was killed.
We can't get the story on what that is.
He calls him a martyr.
This guy was a big fan of Omar Khadr.
Ezra Levant's contention is that he paid money to have Joshua Boyle released.
Maybe gave him 10 million bucks.
Ugh!
Imagine, like, there's bad dads, right, who don't, when mom's gone, he just makes popcorn for dinner.
That's a pretty bad dad.
But to take your children and your wife to become sex slaves in the worst place on earth, That's uh, that's, you're a rapist.
I mean, that's a level of negligence that should be a felony.
But no, he gets rewarded by the Prime Minister.
Anyway, what has all this got to do with picking up chicks?
Well, the saboteurs on the left, they want to burn society to the ground.
They want to burn Western civilization to the ground, and they have nothing to replace it.
They just want harm.
This is why the far left is such good friends with jihadists.
This is why Linda Sarsour is running the Women's March.
They know she's not good for women.
You know, they have Donna, what's her name?
Brazil?
I always remember her name because it sounds like a hotel.
Donna Hilton?
No, Donna Brazil.
She raped a man to death, a gay man.
Served 20 years for it in prison.
And she's up there talking about LGBTQ.
You have Linda Sarsour who wants women to be second class citizens.
She's pro-sharia law.
And she's up there running the Women's March.
So you clearly don't care about what you say you care about.
It's all posturing.
What you want is sabotage.
And you know that jihadists are the best at western sabotage.
So you put them up on a podium and say, YELL!
I wanna burn it to the ground.
I'm mad!
I'm mad at the patriarchy.
I'm mad at my dad.
It's all daddy issues, ultimately.
And maybe they have a point, because I think baby boomers were terrible dads.
They invented divorce.
They basically ruined America.
You know, before the boomers came along, you could buy a house.
You could afford a house.
You could afford an education.
Things were affordable, and education had a good quality.
Now it's just cultural Marxist brainwashing.
So these guys want to burn America to the ground, and we don't want that, not only because we love America and Western civilization, but because it's not good for them.
And I think this sort of war on sexuality is a great example of that.
It's all the same to me.
Like, seeing all these women in Star Wars is the same as Mattress Girl, is the same as false rape allegations.
It's all shit chest.
It's all sabotage.
It's all what a culture starts doing when it starts to malfunction.
There's a computer virus in Western civilization right now, and it's the same virus we've always had.
We fought two world wars based on this virus, and it's called communism.
And I think communism ultimately comes back to blasphemy.
You're playing God.
You're saying, I'm better at running someone's life than themselves.
And, you know, the Christian Bible Is really the best at this.
It's very pro self-empowerment.
You know, I know it says what rendered a Caesar what is his, but that just means don't get arrested for not paying your tax.
It doesn't mean worship Caesar.
There's story after story in the Bible where the person who takes a risk, the prodigal son, does something dangerous and sticks his neck out, and he's rewarded, even though it seems like what he did was reckless.
They encourage that individualism.
And I think that's a message directly from the big guy that says, look, I set you guys off.
You know, kids get cancer for a reason.
It's all chance.
There's a randomness in there.
I'm not gonna make you all supermen.
That's boring.
What, you just walk off a building, fall down and hit your face, and then you get up and you're fine?
That's stupid.
That's like being dead.
That's being in heaven.
That's not a life.
I want there to be chance.
I want there to be risk.
And I want you to be an individual.
Don't let anyone tell you what to do.
Follow your heart.
Follow your instincts.
And these communists have trained women to ignore their instincts and tell them that they don't want love.
Tell them that they want to be men.
You don't want to settle down and make a home.
You want to be in an action movie and you want to get used by guys until you're no longer considered attractive, which in New York, by the way, is 35.
You're dead at 35.
Women think they're 10 years younger than they are in New York, and they're actually 10 years older.
A 35-year-old New York is treated like a 45-year-old everywhere else in the country.
That's why I call New York an elephant's graveyard for ovaries, because they come here and get forgotten.
So all this meddling and telling people, forcing people, To follow this route is making them brutally unhappy.
You know, they say God bless America and America is the freest nation on earth.
I think that those two are related.
Because the freer you are, the more of an individual you are, the more liberty you have, and the closer you are to nature.
The less someone is playing God with your life, the freer you are.
So the closer you are to God, right?
This was all in the plan with the big boom 3.5 billion years ago when the first domino was pushed and it led to those multi-cell organisms that eventually became furry mammals and then we beat out the dinosaurs and now we became human beings.
The plan was always individual liberty, follow nature, follow the blueprint.
And the blueprint involves getting married and having kids.
You can party, I'm not going to fault you for that.
I still party quite a bit.
But eventually, you know, you started getting, you got drunk when you were 14.
You're 24 now.
That's 10 years.
That's 740,000 joints.
That's a kilogram of cocaine.
That is three entire barrel loads of bourbon.
That's a kilogram of cocaine.
That is three entire barrel loads of bourbon.
That's 1.2 million beers.
Do you get it yet?
You've had 32 STDs, and you've had sex with almost 100 people.
You haven't sowed your wild oats yet?
What are you, mentally ill?
It's time to move on to the new chapter, and that involves putting a ring on it and making babies.
Don't become a shit chest.
And guys, I don't envy you, man.
You're in a tough situation because women are turned on by creeps and jerks, but you don't want to be a creep or a jerk.
So my best advice is continue to molest women and be creepy about it but once in a while pull out your phone and say either you show me your tits or I'm calling the cops right now.
That shows that you're just kidding and it is a nice little sort of a break.
A little check.
A little check and balance to make sure you're not turning into Harvey Weinstein.
