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April 18, 2024 - Gishgallop Girl
01:00:30
Episode 4 - Introductions Are Still Being Made

Website (Under construction): gishgallopgirl.com Email: ThomasAnderson@GishallopGirl.com Mastodon: @Gishgallopgirl Patreon: patreon.com/GishallopGirl TWITTER: (don't follow us there) @gishgallopgirl Our last episode consisted of answering one question Candace had for the reader. This one, we do go deeper into the Introduction and we try a new soda with surprising results.

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Time Text
Hello, everybody.
This is Thomas Anderson, and I'm sitting here with...
Matthew Anderson.
And we are cutting this new intro.
The show you're about to hear, and the...
Okay, there's nothing new except for this on the first six, seven episodes of this show.
We had originally called this Please Only One Lie at a Time, and that's what it's referred to as throughout the first series of episodes.
We had recorded that when we had other goals for the show.
We were going to do one shitbag book a season, but life got in the way of recording a lot of stuff, and I had time to reflect.
And so we have changed the name of this to Gish Gallop Girl, which is what it's been posted as.
And you may have been referred here by someone who likes you or hates you.
I don't know.
Your life is your life, man.
I'm not going to step into it.
This is the new intro that's going to be running in the front of all those old shows.
You will know that you're in newer material when you hear us introduce the newer episodes as Gish Gallop Girl.
And that is all kind of explained and handled in what I believe is episode 8. Right now, I could be totally wrong on that, but I believe it's episode 8 that I'm about to post.
Where we explain the name change and we go through what the new goals of the show are, the new website, and all that good shit.
So, at any rate, this is just running for this.
We just wanted to say hi, and we will do our damnedest to have a new episode every single week.
That's all I got.
And also to try weird, nasty sodas every week as well.
Yep, yep, we're gonna, yep.
Ah, yeah.
Yep.
Alright, everybody, have a great night.
Oh.
Okay, hello everybody.
Welcome back to Please Only One Lie at a Time, otherwise known as Pool at a Time.
I am Matthew Anderson, and this is...
You mean Thomas.
Oh, I'm Thomas Anderson.
Shut up.
Hey, I came up with the original nickname.
I am Thomas Anderson.
You are Matthew Anderson, yes?
Yes, yes, I'm Matthew Anderson.
So far, Matty?
Yeah, yeah.
Matty Mateo.
All right, let me put on my reading glasses because I am an ancient 42-year-old person.
And we are still in the introduction of Candace Owen's seminal work, Blackout.
God.
We only read through the first paragraph the last time where she asked a question that I had to spend a fucking hour talking about.
And then we had a pickle soda.
I can still taste it, is the bad part.
Yeah.
I don't eat pickles.
I despise pickles with a passion and...
I tried it because it was a novelty thing that I thought might play well for the show.
I hope that's the case.
We have another one later that we're going to do.
We're not going to talk about it yet until it's the time.
Not looking forward to it.
Not at all.
We're going to get there, though.
Alright, so, picking up where we left off.
We're still in the fucking introduction.
We're going to be in the introduction for a while.
So do you have anything to add?
Anything positive to add before we dive into this hellscape?
I mean, I do eat bread and butter pickles myself.
I can't really think of anything.
My brain's on the soda right now.
Here we go.
Well, let's put away the soda thoughts for the distaste of this book.
So here we are now picking up on...
What I'm pretty sure is page...
Well, still in the introduction.
If you're on the digital copy, it's on page 21. Unbelievably enough.
I think a bunch of the pages are devoted to the table of contents and legal crap and all that shit.
So, at any rate, my review so far of this book?
Trash.
But, picking up where we left off, Candace Owens says...
If you are a black person in America today, your identity is as much defined by your skin color as it was more than a hundred years ago, and quite similarly for all the wrong reasons.
To be a black American is to have your life narrative predetermined.
A routine of failure followed by alleged blamelessness due to perceived impotence.
It means constant subjection to the bigotry of lowered expectations, a culture of pacifying our shortcomings through predisposition.
Above all else, being Black in America today means to sit at the epicenter of the struggle for the soul of our nation.
A vital struggle that will come to define the future of not only our community, but our country.
A struggle between victimhood and victorhood, and which adoption will bring forth prosperity.
Will we decide upon victimhood?
Will we choose to absolve ourselves of personal responsibility and simply accept welfare and handouts from the state?
Or will we awaken ourselves to our potential through the recognition of our own culpability?
Now, that's where I stopped.
I stopped reading and I looked up the word culpable because I wanted to make sure I was reading the shit right.
I...
Okay, here we go.
Here we go.
This word, culpable, basically means to be blameable.
What I think she's trying to say here is that by recognizing that they caused their own problems, the people she is talking about can fix them.
A bit like an alcoholic when they're sober apologizing for shit they did or said.
What I get out of this is that she's saying that African Americans should recognize that they somehow caused all the problems in their communities and should accept the consequences and move on.
Which is, of course, fucking insane.
What black Americans dealt with until and even after the Civil Rights Movement was a soft apartheid in America after the Civil War.
And we talked about apartheid last week.
Yeah, yeah.
So the South was always racist against their former slaves, but many Yankee and new states, such as Oregon, weren't exactly havens either.
In large cities, blacks were barred from marrying whites, moving into certain neighborhoods through a process known as redlining, denied bank loans for housing, businesses and farmlands, denied promotions above a certain station and many lines of work.
They were denied and barred from attending certain schools and trades.
Often in the trades, black unions had to be built separate alongside their white counterparts.
Even in clubs like Freemasonry,
There is?
Yes.
I don't remember the name of it, so I don't want to fuck it up.
It starts with Albert something, like Albert blank Masons.
Those are entirely set up for Black Masons.
Even in Masonry.
Are we talking about Masons as in the Stoneworkers, or are we talking about Masons as in the Freemasons?
The Freemasons.
Okay.
Yeah.
I honestly didn't even think they accepted Black members.
Technically, they don't.
Right.
They didn't.
I don't know.
Maybe the rules have changed over time, but yeah.
Like I said, I think it's like an Albert Hall Mason or something like that.
But yeah.
Even in Freemasonry, which has no reason to be racist, they have racism.
They also have a separate Mason Hall for women called the Northern Star, I believe.
I'm not up on Freemasonry, so I'm not totally about all that shit, but...
Let's get back into things such as redlining.
Do you know what redlining is?
I don't believe so, no.
Okay, redlining is the process whereby cities literally put redlines on a map in order to keep mostly black folks out, but also Latinos for a long time.
Italians, Irish, anyone who basically wasn't in the white upper class was kept out of certain neighborhoods.
Banks were not allowed to issue home loans to people within certain neighborhoods.
There was all kinds of racism within cities, in places like New York and Chicago, even as far west as California.
You had these things going on.
There were a ton of black cowboys after the Civil War.
Yeah.
They went out west to, you know, have freedom and try to make their fortunes.
Unfortunately, a lot of them were also barred from owning land.
Yeah.
The reason why we know about certain black cowboys, or not cowboys, I guess you could call them a cowboy, but people like a guy they talk about in the Watchmen series, Bass Reeves.
Yeah.
He was a famous black lawman slash bounty hunter slash sheriff slash all kinds of shit.
Because, you know, that's what kills me is that, you know, like, we know his name.
Yeah.
There should have been a whole ton of people like him, but there weren't.
Because most of them were barred from ever getting that high of a station in the world.
Candace Owens goes on to say, It is undeniable that for black America, the Democrats have had the upper hand for several decades.
Now what Candace isn't mentioning here is that when the Civil Rights Act was passed, many politicians on both sides of the aisle flipped what side they were on and black Americans followed suit.
One of the most notorious Southern Democrats was a man named Strom Thurmond, a man who led the Senate in a filibuster to block a Civil Rights Act from passing previously.
He famously spoke for 24 fucking hours.
Really?
At a podium.
Just...
Beginning to end 24 hours.
Just bullshit.
Because when a bill is introduced, either side can pull what's called a filibuster.
Usually the side that has the lower amount of members will try to filibuster bills from getting passed.
And that exists even today.
And any attempt to get rid of the filibuster usually hits a lot of opposition.
Because you may have an overwhelming amount of Senate Republicans now.
Four years ago, we didn't.
Yeah. So at the time, they really loved the filibuster.
It kept the Democrats from overwhelmingly passing certain things that they didn't like.
Yeah. Well, now we have a Democrat minority in the Senate.
And they will call for the removal of the filibuster when they're running the show.
Yeah. But now that they're not running the show, the filibuster is their friend.
Filibuster allows whatever party...
To basically talk about fucking nothing for several hours at a time because bills only have a certain amount of time that they can actually be voted on.
Yeah.
Well, everybody gets a chance to speak.
Well, you can filibuster and stand at the podium and speak utter nonsense and bullshit for as long as you need to to block a bill.
That seems like a lot of energy to just block a bill from going through.
It is, but it's the one thing that the minority side has in their back pocket at any given time.
Now, they can actually vote to, and this rarely happens, but they can actually vote to stop a filibuster from happening within certain bills.
Like, they can vote separately to not filibuster and to just move forward with the bill.
But that usually only happens when both sides have a bill that they agree on.
Yeah.
Such as the original Patriot Act that was passed after 9-11 happened where everyone wanted to make sure it didn't happen again.
The hurt was still fresh, so the Patriot Act was largely voted on and sending troops to Iraq initially was voted on overwhelmingly.
They didn't have to worry about filibustering that shit, but...
You know, that's the kind of thing that they tend to pass so that no one can filibuster.
Because every now and then you do have people like Bernie Sanders in there who would be willing to filibuster just based on his personal beliefs.
Yeah.
You know, not just voting no against the thing, but also to stand up for as long as it took.
So, yeah.
Strom Thurmond was a man who led the Senate in a filibuster to block a Civil Rights Act from passing previously.
When the act was passed, he switched sides from Democrat and he ran as a Republican until he died in the 90s, which was 30 years later.
So if the people that have been barring you from having a normal life scream about you having a normal life now when they flip their allegiance, it's natural that you'll probably play for the other team as well.
A lot of Democrats, when the Civil Rights Act was passed, flipped to being Republicans.
A lot of them.
A lot of Republicans that supported the Civil Rights Act flipped to being Democrats.
It happened within the first few years of the Civil Rights Act being passed.
So, Candace goes on to say, They have expertly manipulated our emotions, commanding the unquestionable commitment of our votes.
Unlike the physical enslavement of our ancestors' past, today the bondage is mental.
Our compulsive voting patterns empower no one but the Democrat leaders themselves.
Yet we remain invested in their promise that welfarism, economic egalitarianism, and socialism will somehow render us freer.
To that, I say, well, so aside from Candace introducing new words like welfarism, which has caused my spellcheck to nearly throw up, she is just parroting Republican Party lines here.
The fact is, honestly, both sides suck.
But almost no one that runs the Democrat Party has ever seriously considered expanding welfare or enforcing egalitarian economics and definitely not socialism.
I have to ask, what is egalitarian economics?
I was hoping you'd bring that up.
I really was.
Because that sounds like some...
Sci-fi bullshit where somebody's like, you have to worry about the economic, because I can't even fucking...
Egalitarian.
Egalitarianism.
It basically means equalism, such as everybody's on the same page.
Which, you know, you're not far off.
That's basically Starfleet.
Okay.
That's basically Star Trek.
Yeah.
You know, we're...
I mean, which, I mean, you know, let's be honest here.
In Star Trek, they have, you know, the device that can make anything.
It can make your food.
It can make a diamond ring if you fucking want it to.
Yeah.
It can make anything.
If you have a device that can make anything, nothing is worth anything.
You got a point there.
I don't think I've ever seen anybody in Star Trek.
I know this is a sidetrack, but I don't think I've ever seen anybody on the fucking Enterprise pay for shit.
They don't.
They don't have money.
They just walk into the bar and they're just like, the blue one, please.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah, they don't have to pay for shit.
It's a society without money, basically.
Okay.
And the only groups that have money are seen as evil, such as the Ferengi.
Fair enough.
Yeah.
You know, the Ferengi have money, the fucking Klingons have war and whatever.
There is mining.
There are jobs that are done by people.
But for the most part, money doesn't exist.
Because if you have a device literally called a replicator...
That can make anything from thin air.
Yeah, in your kitchen.
Why have money?
At that point, why slaughter animals for food?
You can just have a turkey dinner if you want a turkey dinner.
Yeah.
That's...
You know, but, yeah.
So, I went on to say, you know, yeah, so that's egalitarianism, is everybody being on the same page equally.
So, many Democrat leaders have for several decades, openly and behind closed doors, squashed any attempt at changing the way things are done.
Their voters often don't seem dumb or misinformed.
But when the choice is someone telling you they'll fight for you to keep your lifestyle or someone openly threatening to take it away, most people are going to vote along the lines they think benefit them the most.
You know, like, if you are somebody who's on food stamps, you know, or you've got housing vouchers or whatever, and the Democrat leaders are like, yeah, look, you can keep those things, but the Republicans are telling you openly,
vote me in and I'll take that shit away.
Why the fuck would you vote to lose your house?
Why the fuck would you vote to lose your food?
Especially when you have kids, which many people on assistance programs do.
They have families.
They hit hard times.
They need help.
They get help.
And of course, the people that are going to need the help are generationally poor, most of them, because Of redlining because of being shut out of schools and jobs and going to underfunded schools and universities because that's all they could get because racist assholes were keeping them from it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Naturally, they're going to vote for the people that are like, yeah, look, those people suck and we can't get you more shit unless there's more of us, but we're not going to take your shit away.
Yeah, at that point, you vote for the fucking Democrats.
Yeah.
You know, like, only a completely out-of-touch moronic asshole like Candace fucking Owens could come up with this shit.
Moving on.
She says, Understand that it was not always like this.
While blacks certainly have always generally voted in a block, that block did not always exist beneath the Democratic Party.
In the beginning, of course, blacks were committed Republicans.
When black men were given the right to vote in the 1870s, they cast their ballots on behalf of the party of their great emancipator, Abraham Lincoln.
To which...
The tiniest bit of fucking research.
The tiniest bit of fucking research.
Black men first got the vote in 1867.
Yeah.
Not the 1870s.
Again, the lack of research here is absolutely astounding, even for Candace.
In the post-Civil War era, only about 1,500 black men held office, and most of them held office at local levels.
So you're talking about, like, basically your city council members, your mayors, that kind of thing.
Yeah.
You know, maybe a sheriff such as Bass Reeves.
But, yeah, they, you know, or bureaucratic positions.
Because...
A lot of racist white people still existed.
Which I do have to point out.
Yeah.
You read that last part very quickly.
Which?
Candace Owens' part?
Yes.
Yeah, because that's how she talks.
Yeah.
It's a gish gallop.
When I'm reading her shit, I know how she talks.
Because, God help me, I've listened to her talk.
Mm-hmm.
And I know how she talks, and I can't not do it when I'm reading her fucking words, which makes it real hard to read this book because I have to constantly go back and go, hold up.
Wait a minute.
Where's the line?
Moving on.
Post-Civil War Reconstruction efforts began strong.
Blacks were given land to work and federal protection courtesy of Union soldiers, and in a short time went into business and were elected to political offices.
but southern democrats still wallowing in their defeat from the civil war were outraged to see that their formerly enslaved were ascending in social status and would soon avenge their grievances buoyed by the eighteen sixty five assassination of abraham lincoln and the resultant presidential appointment of his vice
president democrat andrew johnson southern democrats began efforts to reverse every reconstructionist gain
This is true somewhat.
It's not total bullshit.
She's not wrong here.
Reconstruction is its own course of study for historians.
Andrew Johnson and others that were opposed to Reconstruction did more than just reverse the social and political gains of blacks.
They went on to enact laws that not only harmed blacks, but also poor whites.
Things such as, and I think I get into it a little later here, but things such as they had poll taxes.
A poll tax was literally a tax you had to pay in order to be able to vote.
Not everywhere had poll taxes, but a lot of places had poll taxes.
So, if you were poor and black, which a lot of people stuck in the South were, good luck, you can't afford a $70 poll tax.
You just fucking can't.
Neither could, well, I mean, that's just an arbitrary number, yeah.
But they were high.
They were often too high for anybody to reasonably pay out.
Other ones were, there was the poll taxes, which poor people across the board could not afford.
Women didn't have the vote yet, either.
Mm-hmm.
But also poor white people who were often working in the same jobs and along the same lines as poor black folks couldn't afford that shit either.
No.
And the Civil War as it was, I was just reading, you know, in the Wikipedia about Reconstruction, just a couple of facts I didn't bother to write down, but they were there for anybody who wants to read them.
The Civil War, they think, wiped out 40% of the livestock in the South.
Yeah.
It wiped out something like a full 25 to 33 percent of men in their prime working age, like 18 to 49. It wiped them out.
From the research that I had to do for a civil war back when I was in school, it definitely did a number on the South, especially in the...
Not just in the realm of, you know, people getting shot and killed, but also the Union side of things.
They used ships and even makeshift borderlines to prevent supplies from getting through to the...
Yeah.
I mean, you know, it's a tactic to starve people out.
Yeah.
It's just, that's a classic war tactic, but...
No, it was part of the reason why.
Yeah, well, they burned southern farms.
Yeah.
They did that.
You know, they burned southern farms.
They, of course, confiscated food stuff and medicine and things like that.
Burned down towns as well sometimes.
Yeah, they burned Atlanta.
Yeah.
General Sherman burned Atlanta.
They show a little, they show like a little sliver of that in Gone with the Wind.
Yeah.
But, yeah, you've...
You have not seen the city of Atlanta.
We avoided it on our way out to Minneapolis.
Atlanta is fucking huge.
It was fucking huge for its time when Sherman decided it needed to go.
Yeah, it's basically a war crime.
There were a lot of innocent people in Atlanta.
Yeah, yeah.
But it definitely sent a message.
I'm not condoning it.
But it did send a message.
As my one friend puts it, it's not a war crime the first time.
It totally is, actually.
That's not true.
It's totally a war crime.
Because we get to go back and go, no.
No, what?
Why?
No, no.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
All right.
Moving on.
She goes on to say, White vigilante bans used physical force to keep blacks from voting, allowing for segregationists to be elected to Congress.
She's not wrong.
However, it's interesting how Candace refers to groups like the KKK as white vigilante bands.
When she could easily name and thusly disavow such groups.
That's just intellectually dishonest.
Yeah.
Thoughts on that one?
White vigilante.
Usually vigilante is used in the sense of like Batman to vigilante.
Yeah.
You know, it's a hero that isn't legally condoned.
Yeah.
And she just called them white...
Vigilante bands.
Vigilante bands.
Yeah.
I hope she's meaning that in the sense that they're vigilantes for racist people and not vigilantes to her, because...
Well, interesting history about that.
Okay.
In her speech to Congress that we had played previously, she talked about how her...
I think she talked about her grandfather in this way.
But she talked about how he grew up in the Jim Crow era South.
Jim Crow itself is kind of a racist term.
Jim Crow was not a person.
Jim Crow was like saying John Doe.
But for black men.
So Jim Crow laws were specifically there to take votes away from black folks, to make sure they didn't get land, that kind of thing.
It was a catch-all term, a catch-all derisive term for black people.
We know it now as the kind of laws and rules and policies and shit that are intentionally racist.
Yeah, part of redlining and whatnot.
Yeah.
So, she goes on to say...
No, let's talk about the white vigilante bands first.
There wasn't just the KKK.
There were other groups.
They claimed...
A lot of them claimed vigilantism as their thing.
They wouldn't just go and, say, burn a black farm down.
They would also go and harass or beat up...
Let's say they found out that a guy was cheating on his wife.
Yeah.
If he was a white dude, they would go and beat the shit out of him.
Okay.
If they found out that someone was a train robber and they knew where he lived, they might go take him and do whatever to him.
Anything from beating the shit out of him and reclaiming stolen goods to hanging him from a tree.
Okay.
So they doled out justice as they saw fit.
Oh.
So it wasn't...
It wasn't entirely just racist, but it was mostly racist.
They did that little bit to not seem as racist.
It's like they diluted it just a little bit so that they wouldn't have white folks just turning on them for being total assholes.
That being said, the Klan was so in the Southern ecosystem that A lot of Klansmen were your local sheriff, your local cops, your politicians, even.
A lot of people were part of the Klan or these other groups.
There was one, there was a dollop on them, and I don't remember their name right now, but they famously would go about with sticks on their heads as horns and these sackcloths.
Like, canvas sackcloths they'd poke eyes into.
And they'd go around with, like, these horns on their head.
And, like, yeah.
It was mostly racist bullshit.
But, yeah.
The white vigilante bands.
I can't believe she fucking...
See, that...
Just...
God.
It doesn't help her case, either, with defending Hitler.
No.
It really don't...
No.
It doesn't play well.
No.
So...
She goes on to say, With their political power affirmed, new regulations, which would come to be known as Jim Crow laws, were implemented.
Stripping blacks of their newly gained sense of enfranchisement, these laws re-designated blacks as second-class citizens.
Enfranchisement is, it means voting.
It just means voting.
She's just using a big word to sound smart.
Voting is also known as franchisement.
Being able to cast your voice, You know, so these laws redesignated blacks as second-class citizens.
As stated already, but it bears repeating, the Jim Crow laws took away the right to vote from blacks and poor, illiterate whites and others.
Yeah, there were actually literacy tests, too.
It was an implementation of things like charging people for voting through the use of unconstitutional poll taxes and literacy tests, among other measures designed to keep people of lower classes out of the voting booths.
Now, one of the other fucked up things, though, is that they would often allow illiterate whites to vote based on...
And this is where we get the term grandfathering from.
Basically, you could show up to the voting booth and provably not be able to fucking read a line, but with somebody else there to help you through the voting.
And they could...
They could deny a black citizen the right to vote because they couldn't read while helping the white person vote the way that they wanted them to by saying, oh, well, you know, he's grandfathered in.
Because his grandfather was literally a voter, so his father must have been a voter, so, you know, he's grandfathered in.
That's where we get that term from.
It's not necessarily a racist term, but it has racist roots.
I came to found that out in this fucking research.
Did I want to know that?
No.
I don't want to know that.
Because now I'm going to think about it every time I use that fucking term.
Thanks, Candace.
You fucking insane idiot.
Moving on.
Then came the Compromise of 1877.
After a corrupted presidential election of 1876, Democrats agreed to concede to Republican candidate Rutherford Hayes on the condition of his agreement to remove Union troops from the South.
Credit where it's due, this is actually true.
But...
The election was only hotly contested because of voter suppression.
Also, it should be noted that the only people that could legally vote were men, regardless of race.
So...
The election was hotly contested because of voter suppression, meaning, of course, the South, the Klan, was out there making sure blacks didn't vote.
They made it one of their missions, basically, to prevent them from doing it, to cause them to be afraid to go to the polls, and so on.
So there's that.
So you got voter suppression from various Jim Crow laws that were enacted during the time.
Because, you know, and also one of the things that Andrew Johnson did, one of the things that Abraham Lincoln signed into law,
That Andrew Johnson took away It's known as the 40 acres and a mule Today Where a Select area of South Carolina I believe And it's Okay it's funny
We're going to get into Gola Gola Island in a second.
Okay.
Okay.
So, there was a section of South Carolina that was given 40 acres at a time to certain families that resided there.
Certain black freedmen families that resided there.
They were given it to farm fish, do whatever.
Do what the fuck ever they wanted to do.
One of those areas...
Was actually the literal, physical, real-world location of Gola Gola Island.
Did you ever see the kids' show?
I did not.
Oh my god, you missed an epic program.
It was mostly in the 90s.
It did go through the 2000s.
But Gola Gola Island was a kids' show on Nickelodeon where there was this black family that was just being a family on this island.
The big mascot on the show was this human-sized frog.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
It was actually a pretty decent little show.
They made a really good kid's show out of a place that was hotly contested after the Civil War Reconstruction era when Andrew Johnson got into power after Lincoln was assassinated because the way that our system used to run was...
You'd have your president.
He did not choose as vice president.
These days, they do.
Back then, we had a system whereby the vice president was chosen by other means.
Well, the vice president was often part of the opposition party.
So, the way to get the opposition party in total power is to kill the motherfucker at the top.
Yeah.
Immediately.
So, that's why presidents were assassinated before was to...
It was one reason.
I mean, you know, John Wilkes Booth had his own plan.
But, yeah, Andrew Johnson, when he got into power, repealed that section of the law.
Like, they were going to give every freed slave land to work.
40 acres and a mule.
Well, 40 acres at least.
Yeah.
Maybe not the mule part, but definitely 40 acres.
Yeah, they were going to give them this as part of the, hey, we're sorry this shit happened.
Here's land to work.
Do with it as you will.
And yeah, Andrew Johnson repealed that shit right away.
And he tried to get Reconstruction to be ended years before it was.
Congress stopped him.
Because Congress said, you can't just walk in here and fuck up everything.
Because you don't agree with it, because you're the president now.
And he assumed that because he was the president, he could just do that shit.
So that's why Reconstruction, it's like a fucking 12-year period of our history that has its own fucking scholars.
Because of how badly it was all botched.
And how much people fought it.
We actually get a term from that period.
We get two terms from that period.
We get carpetbaggers, which the general impression in the South is that carpetbaggers were completely Yankees who came down to take advantage of the Reconstruction era.
That's not always the case.
A lot of them were Southerners that didn't agree with the South in the war and went North.
They went West.
They got out of the fucking South because they were like, I'm not with this shit.
Maybe they didn't fight for the North, but they left to go have better lives while the shit went on.
They came back.
A lot of them were returning Southerners.
Returning back to maybe their family plots, maybe their family lands that were now available.
Maybe shit that they inherited or stuff that they just knew was openly available because the slaves had left.
The original owners had been killed in the war, possibly, or had left themselves.
There's no telling.
So not every carpetbagger was some evil bastard trying to come down and make a buck off of the Reconstruction.
The other term that we get from that period is scalawags.
Scalawags was a term used by the people who were loyal to the Confederacy against the people that they saw as turncoats.
after the war.
Southerners who had stayed but were openly helping with Reconstruction were teaching black folks how to read, that kind of thing.
Scalawags and carpetbaggers and freedmen were the victims a
of the time of the KKK
I honestly thought scallywag was a pirates and shit sort of term.
Right.
It sounds like it should be.
Like, they even use it in movies every now and again.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a term that was specifically used for Southern loyalists, or used by Southern loyalists against the people they saw as turncoats.
So, in a sense, you could be both a carpetbagger and a scalawag if you said, fuck this shit, and left...
And came back because you were retaking your family land and you were doing non-racial things with it.
You could be both a carpetbagger and a scalawag.
It's an endless universe.
You could be whatever you want.
You could be those two things all at once, you know.
There's another two pages of notes that I have to go through on this that I didn't go through yet.
So, we're gonna leave that there.
Candace has no idea about the fucking Civil War.
What kills me, again, about this shit is that she is in media.
There is no reason, under heaven or above hell, why she can't at least do what I did and go to the Wikipedia page.
And just read.
Mm-hmm.
Well, hang on.
Is she...
All right.
Did she go to school?
Presumably.
Okay.
She went to school in, like, Connecticut or New Hampshire or something like that.
So she's one of those folks...
She had moved from Texas, I think.
I think her life story, she gets into it later in the book, but I think her life story is that she moved from Texas to Connecticut.
To live at her grandfather's house.
Okay.
So, what I...
In the modern day.
What I got to say there is, in the...
I want to say it was either second or third grade, is when I was made to do all my research on Civil War and Great Depression and Revolutionary War.
Yeah.
Absolutely loved those three semesters.
Yeah.
In the second grade.
In the second grade?
Yeah.
In Florida.
In Florida.
In Florida, yeah.
At what one could call a rural elementary school.
Yeah, yeah, because it was in one of those kind of...
It was in a shit town.
Let's go ahead and name it.
It was in a shit town called Middleburg.
Yeah.
Outside of Jacksonville.
Yeah, it was a shit little town that...
A town that...
Prior to the Civil War, was named Whitesville.
Really?
Yes.
Oh.
Yeah, they have a museum.
It's only open like on Sundays from 2 to 4. I didn't even know we had a museum there.
Okay, technically we live in a house bigger than that museum.
That's okay.
Okay, that's kind of...
Yeah.
That explains why I didn't know we had a museum down there.
Yeah, the original name of that town was Whitesville.
Okay.
Yeah.
To give you an impression of where they stood.
Yeah.
Okay.
But yeah, in a place like that, yeah, you had to learn more as a second and third grade child than this grown-ass adult is able to put pen to paper.
Well, what I figure, she's one of those, because there were a few somehow ditzes in the class that...
Didn't do any of their own research.
Yeah, no, they're called the general population.
But go on.
Yeah.
I had two of them on my group for the Great Depression.
And they chose the small sections.
The fucking copy-paste Wikipedia page.
I had to work on the fucking dust bowl end of it.
The dust, the fucking storms, the fucking...
Bugs, all that shit.
I had to research the massive majority of it.
They worked on the lack of food end of things.
Yeah, because of the dust storms and the locusts and whatever.
Yeah.
I did the hard part of that.
And I didn't even finish writing it.
I passed out at the keyboard and Mimi's finished writing it for me.
Yeah.
Yeah, so...
Yeah, and...
Yeah.
And you have a better handle on this general shit than a grown-ass adult that went to college.
This shit is stuck in my head.
Because it is on her brand to be ignorant of this shit.
Because if she knew the actual history of things...
See, it's plausible deniability.
Okay.
Which is a term they use to great effect in the awesome sci-fi movie Independence Day.
Yeah.
The president questions why he wasn't told about Area 51 and the aliens and stuff.
And they're like, plausible deniability.
Because they establish early on in the movie the man can't lie that well.
So why are we going to tell him something that he's going to have to lie about when he doesn't even need to know it?
He's never going to come here.
So.
Yeah.
It's plausible deniability for her to not know this shit.
It just, it hurts my head so, because...
Yeah.
You think it hurts your head.
I have to dive into the nuts and bolts of this crap.
I went to a shit school, too.
It wasn't even, like, the greatest...
No.
No.
Fuck.
You know what, though?
There are worse schools in that area.
You know what they're called?
What?
Private Christian Academies.
Fair enough.
I'm glad I wasn't Christian, honestly, because I met a few people from there.
Yeah.
No, one of the worst things that happens in Middleburg, and I can say this with some authority, because my brother went to school.
I'm doing quotation marks, listeners.
School.
And I know other people that went to school this way.
Okay, so there's a little thing.
There's a little loophole.
And a lot of private schools get away with this.
I don't know when the loophole happened because I only knew about it after I had gotten out of school.
Anyway, the loophole is this.
Let's say you establish a private Christian school in Florida.
All you really need is a place that's big enough for students to come in and take exams on a regular schedule.
They are homeschooled.
Most of the time, from materials, from a curriculum, that curriculum is usually from Pensacola Christian College, and it's called ABECA, the ABECA Book Program.
So, you got kids learning from a substandard education that has somehow nonetheless been passed and approved by somebody in the state.
So they're learning from this substandard shit.
And they have to take tests on this kind of substandard shit.
But that's all they have to do.
They show up every few weeks, they take an exam, pass, fail, and they fuck off back home.
They never really have to be in a classroom.
They never really have to do any real work.
They don't do group projects.
So it's not school in the sense that school is for most people.
Yeah.
It's real bullshit.
Because I know this because the private Christian school that I went to used the Abeka book program.
And I would cross-reference facts with the actual encyclopedia set that I had at home.
And with factual places on the internet.
Encyclopedia Britannica was online.
And they would update it on a regular basis.
It was the forerunner of other encyclopedias.
It doesn't hold a candle to Wikipedia.
But the Brits gave it a shot.
But, yeah, I would find all kinds of factual inaccuracies in the shit that I was being told was factually true.
It had this constant, not just Christian angle, but constant Republican conservative angle.
And that brings me around to another thing that I found out in my research for this bullshit.
The term conservative has not ever been good.
It has not.
It goes all the way back to Civil War Reconstruction.
The conservatives were largely landowners and planters that wanted to Can serve as much as possible the slave-owning days.
Meaning, they wanted to basically have indentured workers on the lands.
They didn't want them to vote, and so on.
It has not been a good term.
Going back 160 fucking years.
It has never been good.
Yeah, which I still find it funny at work.
I use liberal and conservative as my measurement thing.
I'm just like, do you want me to be more conservative with this seasoning or more liberal with it?
And they're like, what do you mean?
And it's like, well, do you want me to just put a lot on there or do you want me to keep a lot for myself?
They're like, put a lot on there?
And it's like, okay.
That's all you gotta say.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's this big twist in reality where they try to say things that the conservative word...
Or the notion of it means, yeah, we're conserving resources.
We're conserving the environment, whatever.
No, you're fucking not.
No, you're not.
No.
What we know through history is that you're being a stingy bitch for no reason.
Yeah.
You're being a stingy bitch and you don't want to accept that things change and people have fucking needs.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
I have only got...
I had to pull.
Five pages for this thing, and we only got through half of them for the introduction.
Dear God.
There's more to go.
There might be another two episodes in this fucking introduction.
The intro-fucking-duction.
We're not even 10% of the way through the goddamn book.
Hopefully the drinks will help wash away the foul taste of Candace Owens.
The first drink won't.
It won't do shit.
It will make it worse.
Because, dear listeners, it has come time for...
Hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
Let's set this up.
It has come time to do the Soda of the Week.
This is also from the same brand as last week.
It is from W.T. Heck, which comes to us from Blue Sun Soda.
You know what?
I'm going to give these people the benefit of reading their entire name with my reading glasses on.
Blue Sun Bottling Company in Spring Lake Park, Minnesota.
Again, this is within the Twin Cities metro.
We have not cracked this open yet.
We can guess what we're in for based on how accurate and accurately terrible last week's still pickle soda was.
We have been dreading this one from day one, from the time we decided we were going to do this for the show.
We have been dreading this particular one.
And I thought maybe Dill Pickle would have some ability to not suck.
I was wrong.
We didn't even finish the bottle.
I took it out to our family members here after we very loudly pronounced it the devil.
I took it out to them and offered it to them.
And they didn't even want to smell the bottle.
They were like, nah, we're good.
If this one is as terrible as we think it will be.
I'm going to dump it outside this time because that dill pickle stuck in the sink.
I went to do the dishes the next day.
And you know how I like to have the water piping hot?
I went down one drain and then the dill pickle stench out the other side.
Yeah, we can pour this outside.
Definitely.
I think we're going to wind up doing that, dear listener, because this...
You want to read it off?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You read this one off.
This is...
Go ahead.
Blue cheese dressing.
Yep.
Blue cheese dressing soda.
Blue cheese fucking dressing.
Now, let's read off the ingredients here.
The ingredients are...
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to put it off as much as I fucking can.
The ingredients are purified carbonated water, sugar, natural and artificial flavors, citric acid, Sodium benzoate.
Blue number four.
I believe that's a four.
Glycerin.
And titanium dioxide.
Fuck.
Alright.
Let me see if that is blue number four or not.
Pretty sure it's blue number four or blue number one.
It's one of those two.
Their print's real weird.
It's a weird font.
Yeah.
No, that's blue number one.
Okay.
It's a real light blue color.
You know what?
Take a picture of it.
Take a picture of it because we're taking a picture of it because on the website for the company, I went and looked them up after last week's debacle.
They don't list all of their sodas.
I want people to know what this is.
In the event that you think you can tame the beast and drink an entire one, I salute you if you can do that.
I personally despise blue cheese dressing almost as much as I despise dill pickle.
Because here's the thing, I like blue cheese.
But when you mix it with mayonnaise and probably ranch seasoning, I'm out.
I'm fucking out.
So, get the glasses ready.
I'm not only going to get the glasses ready, I'm also going to grab my water.
Yeah.
Go ahead and give me my coconut LaCroix.
I know Dan from Knowledge Fight does not like coconut.
I do not concur.
Coconut LaCroix is amazingly good.
And I have a habanero salsa that I will follow this up with later to numb the shit out of my mouth because that's the only thing that worked last week.
And I got myself today some haunted ghost pepper chips made by the same company that makes that chip challenge chip.
Yeah, Paki.
Yeah, pecky.
Pecky, peckwee, something like that.
I think it's pecky.
Yeah.
I don't think it matters.
I don't think it matters because...
Alright, I'm going to give this the sniff test first.
You know what?
You know what?
This doesn't...
I'm going to say this.
This doesn't smell bad.
The dill pickle one was dead on.
Let me get a...
Honestly, I'm not getting anything out of it.
That is the most neutral fucking smell, right?
Yeah, it smells like...
I'm kind of hoping we got a dud bottle.
That's what I'm hoping right now.
I'm hoping we got a dud.
And it's just like sugar, blue sugar water.
Yeah.
Now, I've given you a glass, and I have my Batman mug, because we're not going to put more than a mouthful in here, because I anticipate I will not handle it well at all, and I will spit it back into this mug, and I will immediately grab my coconut LaCroix and chug the shit.
But, let's pour you a little bit.
I think that's enough.
I think that's enough.
Give it a smell, see if that activated it.
No, no.
I hope this is a dud bottle.
I really do.
I'm not just being deceived.
I really do.
I hope this is a dud.
I get, like, I'm getting, like, sugar water smell out of it.
I'm not getting anything actual.
That's so weird.
Okay, we've got about an ounce in each vessel here.
Okay, I need a minute because I'm doing that nervous laughing thing because I don't want to...
I don't want to do that.
Are you sure you don't want to choke on it?
No, I don't want to choke on this.
No one does.
Alright.
Next week's is going to be not as bad.
Next week's will be, I hope, more flavorful.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm more looking forward to that.
I really am.
Hold on.
For the audio.
Okay, hold up, hold up, hold up.
Okay.
All right.
Get out of your system.
Get out of your system.
Let's...
Okay.
See, I understand now why there's a Korean tradition of not looking at somebody when you're taking a drink.
Yeah.
Because maybe they do sake shots like this where it's like, sake kind of sucks.
It does.
Don't hate me, listeners.
Sake blows and you know it.
I want to try Japanese whiskey sometime, though.
I mean, mirin's not bad, though.
But we cook with that.
Yeah, you cook with mirin.
People do drink it because people suck.
People shouldn't drink it.
God, I really hope this is a dud.
I hope so, too.
I'm not buying a second one.
Or that maybe this is just their way of fucking with us, you know?
One hopes so, but here's the thing.
If this is a dud, if this is just straight sugar water, I'm not buying a second bottle.
They had their chance to fuck me up.
You know?
Yeah.
They had their chance.
All right.
Let's just...
Hallelujah to fucking dud.
It's sugar water.
It's not unpleasant, actually.
Yeah, no, no.
It's fucking Kool-Aid.
Yeah.
Wow.
I think they left the blue cheese out.
I'm fucking glad.
Well, regardless, I'm still not going to finish that off.
I'm still going to drink my coconut LaCroix.
And I'm still going to eat some habanero fucking salsa.
Oh, yeah.
Crap.
I just spilled coconut LaCroix on myself.
You know, I'm real fucking glad that was a dud because I did not want to have blue cheese, Jackson.
I didn't want to, yeah, no.
I wasn't looking forward to that whatsoever, but they had their chance.
Yeah.
It is what it is.
I spilled a little coconut LaCroix on your floor.
No, that's fine.
I gotta mop it anyway.
You gotta sweep in here, too.
Yeah.
Okay, well.
Good, I'm glad.
I'm so glad.
I'm so glad.
I am glad that was a dud, too.
I'm never buying another one.
No, like I said, they have their chance.
Okay, good.
I'm glad that was a gag bottle.
Yeah, yeah.
And that it wasn't, you know...
Actual blue cheese dressing.
I don't have to witness your stomach become your chest again.
That was...
Nothing in me wanted to keep that in.
My entire body was like, no, we'll get rid of it all.
We fucking dare you.
You do not swallow this.
The rest of us are leaving.
It really...
My stomach held a strike on the rest of my body.
My entrails were going to become my extrails.
It really reminded me of that episode where a family guy where...
What's his wife's name again?
Lois.
Yeah, Lois.
She was trying to get him to eat McQueen.
Yeah.
And he swallowed it.
And then he just started, like, gagging like a dog, just going...
And Lois is like, come on, Peter, it ain't that bad.
And he's like, no, Lois, it isn't, but my body, it's rejecting it.
Ah, good old family guy.
All right, everybody, well, that has been it for, please, only one lie at a time as we get through the introduction of this stupid fucking book.
All right, do you have anything to add?
Uh, not really, except I did notice we...
When we hit about 40 minutes, we tend to, like, do a little 10-minute thing of something that isn't Candace Fuckin' Owens.
Last week it was Kanye, this week it was education.
Well, you know, you gotta cover other shit with this.
You need a brainwash.
You need a brainwash and then some mouthwash.
Yeah.
That is...
I'm so glad that SOTUS...
I'm so glad it wasn't like it's dill pickle, brother.
I am a little sad that they don't come in like...
I'm a little sad that they don't come in like little bottles.
That way we could call it mini soda in Minnesota, you know?
Right.
Something tells me somebody already branded that.
Fair enough, fair enough.
We'll find out if we ever actually go to Blue Sun Foods or sodas or whatever the fuck.
All right, everybody.
That's it.
Have a great week.
Bye.
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