Episode 3 - Blackout Introduction by Candace Owens
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In this episode we actually start covering the material that is Blackout, by Candace Owens, starting with the Introduction she allegedly wrote. This episode introduces a new segment near the end, to help us all chill out a little from debunking Candace and her grade-school-level "knowledge" of the world at large.
This is Thomas Anderson, and I'm sitting here with...
Matthew Anderson.
And we are cutting this new intro.
The show you're about to hear, and the...
Okay, there's nothing new except for this on the first six, seven episodes of this show.
We had originally called this Please Only One Lie at a Time, and that's what it's referred to as throughout the first series of episodes.
We had recorded that when we had other goals for the show.
We were going to do one shitbag book a season, but life got in the way of recording a lot of stuff, and I had time to reflect.
And so we have changed the name of this to Gish Gallop Girl, which is what it's been posted as.
And you may have been referred here by someone who likes you or hates you.
I don't know.
Your life is your life, man.
I'm not going to step into it.
This is the new intro that's going to be running in the front of all those old shows.
You will know that you're in newer material when you hear us introduce the newer episodes as Gish Gallop Girl.
And that is all kind of explained and handled in what I believe is episode 8. Right now, I could be totally wrong on that, but I believe it's episode 8 that I'm about to post.
Where we explain the name change, and we go through what the new goals of the show are, the new website, and all that good shit.
So, at any rate, this is just running for this.
We just wanted to say hi, and we will do our damnedest to have a new episode every single week.
That's all I got.
And also to try weird, nasty sodas every week as well.
Yep, yep, we're gonna, yep.
Ah, yeah.
Yep.
Alright, everybody, have a great night.
Okay, hello everybody.
Welcome back to One Lie at a Time.
Or please only One Lie at a Time.
Pool at a Time or Pool Time.
I'm going to work on all that.
Anyway, welcome back to the show.
This is episode three.
And we are still very much in the Candace Owens book, Blackout.
Okay, so right off the bat here, I want to mention, as always, that...
While I have said before that there was no bibliography in the book, and indeed there isn't, there's no section marked bibliography.
I stand by that shit.
There is, towards the back of the book, a notes section, but the notes section is not comprehensive in any way.
So, let's get into it.
My name is Thomas Anderson, and I'm here with...
Matthew Anderson.
Fair.
My son.
Alright, so...
Let's read from the eponymous work by Candace fucking Owens.
Is that her official middle name?
I think it should be.
Well, bullshit artist.
It's probably a little more socially okay to say.
Bullshit artist.
Candace bullshit artist Owens.
Okay, here we go.
So, from the introduction.
We're not even in chapter fucking one yet.
From the introduction.
A.K.A.
What do you have to lose?
She says, What does it mean today to be a Black American?
Does it even mean anything more than simply my skin color being Black and my having been born in a landmass bordering the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans?
Indeed, why does being a Black Canadian, a Black Russian, or even just a Black person from Southern Africa not carry quite the same weight as being a Black American does?
All right.
So, she asked a question.
And, you know, she asked a specific question.
And that is where I started my research.
To quote her one more time.
Indeed, why does being a black Canadian, a black Russian, or even just a black person from Southern Africa not carry quite the same weight as being a black American does?
Now, Maddie.
Yes.
You were here earlier when I was researching some of this shit and almost losing my mind.
You know some of the answer to this.
Partially.
It was said before I really had my coffee in me.
Good enough.
Okay, so I went on to say here, because I wrote this down, because I wanted to make sure that I got enough of this right.
Good question.
I decided to explore it.
Let's start with Canada, okay?
Canada.
Never had large plantations like the American South did.
And slaves were encouraged to learn how to read and write.
In the American South, it was actually from the founding of this country, it was illegal to teach slaves how to read or write.
Like, even if you own them, on the secrecy of your property.
It was illegal to teach them how to read or write.
A lot of people did because they just wanted their slaves to be able to do basic shit, but it was illegal.
Going on here, numbers estimate that in all, only 4,200, that's 4,200, slaves lived in Canada during British rule before blanket abolition was passed in 1833.
You might recognize that as being about 32 years before the American Civil War.
Yeah.
Of those 4,200, only about 1,200 were from Africa.
Canada set up a system where escaped slaves from America could gain freedom just by getting to Canada.
In one case in 1829, the Canadian government refused to return an escaped slave to America, citing the fact that slavery was outlawed in Canada so they didn't recognize the American claim.
The abolition of slavery in Canada wasn't just for African-descended people.
It also applied to native Canadians, which they call First Peoples, who made up the majority of the enslaved population.
Canadian abolition was set up to be a very humane system.
Slaves were allowed at one point to simply leave their master's service whenever they wanted after 1790.
There are some other things that I didn't write down, but it came up in my research.
A slave that was born after a certain period, Once they hit the age of 25, could just walk off the plantation.
They could just voluntarily leave their master's service.
Because the slaves were highly educated, there were a lot of them that could speak several languages.
The Wikipedia entry actually quotes a...
A classified advertisement from the time for someone who was trying to sell off an 18-year-old slave girl that could speak English, French, and German fluently.
So she was doubling as a schoolmarm.
But yeah, slaves were allowed at one point to simply just leave their masters.
They could just go.
They decided they didn't like it there.
They'd just walk off.
That's a hell of a deal.
Certain laws allowed for slavery to a certain point.
But Canadian abolition was set up to be as humane as possible.
It was easier to make happen due to the fact that Canadian ports never once docked a slave ship.
They didn't go there.
They didn't go that far north.
Slavers had to come from the USA by way of border sales or slave owners relocating to Canada, which happened with a lot of Crown loyalists after the Revolutionary War.
People that were loyal to the British Crown decided, you know, fuck this noise.
I don't like this America shit.
Mm-hmm.
So in short, slavery and descended black folks are not the same as in the U.S. because Canada stopped engaged in the U.S.
in outright slavery decades before the American Civil War.
Canada is not some racial paradise, but they have allowed for black citizenship and equality for far longer.
This one I did hear earlier.
foundation in 2013 there were only about 30,000 Afro-Russians living in Russia.
You know, in a country of millions of people there's only about 30,000 black folks.
The Atlantic slave trade never existed in Russia.
The Tsars never allowed it.
They had a serf-based economy.
Even from a practical standpoint, slaves would have undermined the serf economy, which they had built their empire on.
Why would they undercut themselves like that?
So yeah, the most notable slave was a man gifted to Tsar Peter the Great named Abram Petrovich Ganibal, who was freed by the Tsar as a boy.
As soon as he got him as a gift, he freed him.
He had been of princely descent and became a Russian nobleman and military general.
He was raised as the Tsar's godson.
He had 11 children.
Most of them became nobles.
Slavery from Africa and other places was discouraged in Russia by the Tsars because it would diminish the value of the serf class.
class, which is what their economy relied upon.
Serfs weren't slaves because serfs had certain rights and were usually part of the land they farmed.
If land was sold, the serfs living there were part of
Yeah.
To sum up this one for Miss Owens...
Being a black person in Russia, whether it was imperial, Soviet, or current, isn't the same as it ever was here.
Blacks were respected and not treated any worse, and sometimes better, than average Russians.
A lot of black folks from the U.S. and Europe and Africa traveled to the Soviet Union during its 70 years for education opportunities that didn't exist for them at home.
It's a vastly different culture for them, and it has been for a long time.
You know, leading into that, a lot of American revolutionaries, students, black students back during, you know, the Soviet years, like I said, they went to Russia, whether they came from England or Germany or America or Canada even.
A lot of black folks, even Africans, went to Russia because Soviet Russia had really good schools.
Yeah.
You know, they would go there, study, and then go back home.
If they got involved in government or anything, they were more tenable to working with the Soviets on things.
Not all the time and not always, but it was a better opportunity.
That's where we circle back around to the schooling opportunity was better there than it was at even historically black universities here.
A high school student could do well.
Go and get an education in Moscow.
And then if they didn't really care about returning to America and dealing with all the propaganda bullshit of coming back with a Soviet education, they could go somewhere else.
They could go anywhere in the Soviet Empire.
Yeah.
You know.
For this next part, I'm going to read this quote again from Ms. Owens.
Indeed, why does being a black Canadian, a black Russian, or even just a black person from Southern Africa...
Hmm.
We've gotten our black Canadians, our black Russians.
So what about these South Africans?
South Africa.
I can't believe she actually said it.
I doubt Candace's basic as hell views acknowledge apartheid, but here we go.
Oh, right.
That's what you were going on about earlier was that she made you look up the apartheid.
I had to look up apartheid.
I had to read about apartheid.
I had to read so many fucking pages about apartheid.
I knew it was bad.
I knew it was terrible, and it is.
I'm glad it's over and it's done and South Africa is healing and it's better for everybody.
But holy fucking shit.
This bitch.
Oh my god.
Just, I can't stress enough how dumb it is that she not only brought up South Africa, but no one in editing was like, maybe we don't include that.
Candice, maybe you're too young to understand Apartheid Lady, but maybe we don't include that.
I can't believe someone let that go.
In the introduction of her book, her publisher sucks, is what I'm saying.
They suck, and I hope that someone buys them and just fires everybody, because good God.
So, as we've established, starting in the early 1800s, the British colonies abolished slavery with various acts.
Like, they had all kinds of things they signed into law and parliament and across the empire.
The Dutch colonies had a lot of capital wrapped up in maintaining slavery, but eventually they had to follow suit.
There are still portions of Africa that have slavery in their economies.
But let's talk more specifically about South Africa because Miss Owens does.
South Africa is still dealing with the after effects of the apartheid system, which literally translates to apartness.
It was abolished because it was a terrible and terrifying system of government imposed on South Africa by the white minority.
I didn't write it down, but part of my research showed me that apartheid was a complete system of segregation.
People of various races were not allowed to mix.
Whites had to stay with whites.
Blacks had to stay with blacks.
Asians had to stay with Asians.
And Indians had to stay with Indians.
But it got even worse than that because it wasn't just, oh, well, you're not white.
It was...
Any kind of mixing that had happened previously, people were categorized over a series of years with ID cards, identifying them as anything from white to black and everything in between.
So you could be a different shade than your brother and be placed into a different group.
Families were split up.
It was pretty fucking terrible.
Anyone who voiced concern about it could, because the government had outlawed communism or communist thought, anyone who voiced any opposition to the government could be labeled a communist and chucked away into jail.
One of the more famous examples is Nelson Mandela, who, along with his wife, they were revolutionaries.
They were revolutionaries against a horrible, horrifying fucking system.
He was in prison for 27 years.
And it wasn't until the end of apartheid that they released him.
A lot of people died in prison during apartheid.
Apartheid lasted from 1948 until the 90s.
Here's what's super fucked up about that.
World War II ended around 1945.
So...
Three years after World War II, the South African government goes and says, hey, why don't we do a fascism?
You guys want to do a fascism?
Let's do a fascism.
And so they did a fascism.
It didn't matter that the UN and a lot of countries involved in the UN called them out on it repeatedly and constantly.
Didn't matter.
Anyone involved knew that apartheid was bad.
They knew it was...
Fucking terrible.
But, you know, they went along with it anyway.
So, I go on to, I went on to write, the reason why Candace wouldn't know anything about how terrible it was is due entirely to her own ignorance.
Especially as a media figure.
For fuck's sake, if anyone has access to information about how bad apartheid was, and maybe don't include it as an example in your book, It should be her.
Not to mention that she's also a political figure.
You'd think that that would be a part of it because it's a political thing.
Yeah.
Apartheid was abolished in my lifetime, but it ran from 1948 to 1991.
It took away votes from black citizens and was worse in many ways than segregation in America.
The effects of apartheid are still being worked out.
She has access to the same internet that we all do, and for her to insist somehow that South Africa doesn't have a disgusting history of racism and racial violence is stunning.
Being a black person from South Africa was automatically akin to being a criminal during apartheid.
dismantling apartheid didn't change the hearts and minds of people overnight.
It has gotten better since, but for her to pretend it doesn't affect them today tells me that she doesn't know anything about South Africa, and it is in her best interest
Unfortunately, the kind of person that buys her material also doesn't usually give a shit.
The whites in South Africa have always been.
Mm-hmm.
Outnumbered.
Yeah.
So, blacks over there are the majority.
They always have been, for a lot of obvious reasons.
You know, that's why it's different from here, where black folks are still not even 20% of the population.
Yeah.
But the violence they suffered post-World War II...
It's all the more damning, because the Nazis had been defeated and fascism had been dealt a stunning blow.
But, as I said, apartheid basically enacted fascism in South Africa.
The difference being that black Africans weren't being subjected to death camps or slavery necessarily, but the society was definitely geared towards doing as much harm to them as possible while keeping them as a slave underclass.
Slaves in every sense but the actual word.
So, to sum up, Being black in America, while it is not my direct experience, carries the weight that it does because of things like police violence, real estate redlining, segregation, events like the Tuskegee experiment, the Tulsa massacre, the beating of Rodney King, the murder of George Floyd,
and so many others.
These events and more that don't get reported.
Things that happened due to continued systemic racism and violence due to our society having to literally fight itself to remove slavery from the national economic system Are why being black in America
In her examples, England and Europe got rid of slavery in large-scale first before America did.
Russia, also cited by her, never had a slavery issue from Africa.
The rest of Europe abolishing slavery didn't entirely solve racism, but it ended a horrible practice in most countries.
America continued to do slavery until we fought with ourselves and then still had laws about segregation on the books until the last few decades.
The closest parallel to the worst examples of racism in America is South African apartheid.
You know the worst part of this from her, though?
I haven't even gotten through page one.
We're maybe two paragraphs in.
Two paragraphs into this fucking book.
Mm-hmm.
Not including the foreword as well.
Oh, God, yeah.
By Rodney King.
Yeah, we're...
No, no, sorry.
Yeah, no, definitely not Rodney King.
No, no, he was beaten to death.
He wasn't beaten to death.
He was beaten...
He could have been beaten to death.
Nobody was stopping those cops.
No, the single worst part of this, Larry Elder was the guy.
That's the guy.
Now, what's funny about that, though, is Rodney King happened in Los Angeles and Larry Elder was in California.
He's a radio guy in California.
Oh my god.
Here's what's truly fucked up about this, though.
This book came out the year that George Floyd was killed.
So he wasn't part of the consideration for this.
As you might imagine, she didn't re-release a book with a chapter on George Floyd.
She has gone on record with...
Kanye West of denouncing Black Lives Matter.
Which I heard Kanye West.
I haven't looked into it myself.
Oh, go ahead.
I heard that he actually also defended Hitler.
Several times.
Here's what's fucked up about Kanye West.
They did some Knowledge Fight episodes about him that everybody should check out.
Kanye West went on Infowars.
For three hours.
He didn't host the show.
He basically had a three-hour long interview with Alex Jones.
Here's what's fucked up about that.
The media people that Kanye West has around him are Candace Owens, Milo Yiannopoulos, and Nick Fuentes, as well as some other terrible people.
We're discussing Candace Owens, so I'll shove her off to the side for the moment.
Milo Yiannopoulos is a Greek-named British American citizen who, up until very, very recently, declared himself a gay Republican with a black husband.
Nothing wrong with any of that.
Do your life.
Here's what's fucked up.
He defended pedophilia at one point.
And lost a book deal, lost a bunch of people, got kicked out of Republican conventions, you name it.
He became a shit stain on their already shitty underwear.
So they moved to get rid of him from every possible thing.
But Milo, for some reason, got hired by Kanye West to help run his media shit.
The worst part about all of that, because I haven't even gotten to the worst parts yet, the worst part about all this shit is that recently Milo came out and said that he's not gay.
Yeah.
Broke up with his husband.
Okay.
Decided he's going to be a Catholic of some sort?
A straight...
A straight celibate Catholic?
I'm sorry.
Celibate?
It's all probably wrong.
Celibate, yeah.
As in could get laid.
What sucks about Milo is he's a good looking guy.
Could get laid, chooses not to.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
He got kicked off of Kanye's campaign.
He's such a shit stain.
Kanye West kicked him off his campaign.
He retained, and still has as far as I'm aware, a White supremacist, neo-Nazi, known as Nick Fuentes.
Nick Fuentes has hundreds of YouTube videos.
He's been YouTubing for years.
He is a white supremacist in every sense of the word.
Fucking Nick Fuentes.
I always find it funny that the white supremacists that are very out there with it have like...
Black friends and shit.
That's like...
Well, a lot of that has to do with, you know, like a lot of white supremacists don't have a problem with black supremacists.
There's a lot of middle ground these people have.
The most notable middle ground is that the Jews are bad.
They don't like us at all.
Yeah, yeah.
And they don't like Jewish people that are like us in any sense of the word because we're not religious.
I'll eat a pile of bacon.
I'll work on the Sabbath.
I'm not religious.
I got stuck with it in my genetic history.
So did you.
Congratulations.
Yeah.
But, um, yeah.
They hate us more because they're like, oh, they've assimilated.
They're hidden.
We don't know who they are.
There could be millions of them.
There's no winning.
There's no fucking winning.
Okay?
There's no winning with the fascists.
Even if you join up with them, they're like...
Okay, like one of the most prominent Klansmen pushers was a Jewish guy.
The other Klansmen knew it.
They knew it, and they let it go because he was really good at recruiting people.
But you can bet, had they ever got their revolution, had Germany ever succeeded, he would have been thrown under the bus immediately.
Yeah.
The Goyems that are like that do not like us.
Never, ever, ever think otherwise.
That being said, so Nick Fuentes is a personal friend at this point of Kanye West.
Nick Fuentes is against pornography.
He went on record as calling himself an incel, which is an involuntary celibate.
Which is a bullshit thing.
Okay.
If you have $200 in your pocket, and he's a fucking millionaire, if you have $200 in your pocket, there's nothing involuntary about celibacy.
No.
You can get laid.
You can get laid.
Yeah, yeah.
Celibacy is completely by choice.
There's no such thing as an incel.
So, Nick Fuentes, though, he's basically running Kanye West's campaign at this point.
Candace Owens falls into all this because her and Kanye have done things like the Paris Fashion Show, where they wore White Lives Matter t-shirts.
Why?
To troll people.
But yes, Kanye West got on Infowars, and even Alex Jones.
Terrible human being, Alex Jones, tried to dial Kanye back.
And Kanye made a lot of fucked up statements about Hitler that weren't even remotely true.
Like, he claimed that Hitler invented the microphone.
Yep, yep.
Well, one of the most recent people that I've started playing D&D with, we were talking and Kanye West came up and I was like, oh, by the way, I'm Jewish.
I hope that's not a problem.
He's like, nah man, I ain't Kanye.
Yeah.
I was like, why did he say that about Kanye?
And he's like, have you not heard the latest things with Kanye?
Yeah.
You haven't heard about it because I spare you the details.
And I don't bother checking my news feed.
You shouldn't.
The only time I do, it's like video game stuff.
Well, here's what's fucked up.
As politically centered as I try to be, it didn't come up in any of my stories.
Jesus.
But...
The Knowledge Fight guys were all over it because it happened on Infowars.
And we keep calling him Kanye West because, honestly, that's his name.
He's professionally changed it just to Ye.
That's kind of vague.
But I've called him Kanye West for so long, it's hard for me to wrap my head back around just calling him Ye.
Because part of me thinks he's going to change it in a week.
I'm going to start doing it and he's going to fucking change it to like Billy Bob or some shit.
And then you're going to be mentioning him in conversation and somebody's going to go, who the fuck is Ye?
Yeah.
And then you're like, who's Ye?
And then I'm going to get some shit about, he changed his name.
It's like, I don't care.
He's a celebrity douchebag.
I don't care.
And to be fair to that, to be fair to that line of thought in my thinking, when Prince changed his name, See, you're too young to know this, so I'm going to let you in on the 90s a little bit.
Prince, I think it was to get out of some legal dispute.
I hope it was, because he had no reason to do it otherwise.
Prince changed his name to, you know the symbol that he's famous for, the weird heart with the arrows and shit?
He changed his name legally to that.
I swear to fucking God, that was his name.
So when his videos would come on VH1 and MTV, which were music video channels, not reality show stations, that's how old I am, his name was that symbol.
It's basically an Egyptian ankh with some musical flair to it.
Changed his name to that, legally.
Then at some point, he changed his name legally to the artist formerly known as Prince.
So all the music videos had to have that as his name, the artist formerly known as Prince, Purple Rain or whatever.
Then he changed it again to just The Artist.
Then he finally changed it back to Prince.
If memory serves, I think it was Ma might have told me about this, but...
I remember somebody telling me it was a legal dispute thing of him doing that.
He was tied to contracts and then the people that had signed the other end of the contract were trying to fuck him over.
And he just looked at the laws and went, if I change my name, I'm out of the contract and I keep my music.
Hey guys, I'm no longer Prince.
Yeah, that would be the only thing I could think of because it went on for several years.
It was like every six months to a year.
It would be announced that he changed his name again.
So, that happened.
But I called him Prince the entire time.
I was like, the fuck is he doing now?
Why?
What?
Dude, just, why?
And it never came out.
It never came out for a long time.
It was just, I'm Prince and I'm doing this.
Alright.
Whatever, buddy.
Keep cranking out albums.
It's great.
But for Kanye?
Oh, good lord.
I just...
You know...
What kills me about the guy is that I will hear a song of his randomly.
Not on my YouTube.
But I used to listen to the Cracked Podcast.
And they would play...
The guy who ran it was one of the whitest dudes in existence.
But he loved hip-hop.
So he would start every show and end every show with different hip-hop songs.
And he played a lot of Kanye.
He wouldn't tell you right off who it was.
He would just play a minute or so of the song and then come in with the show.
So I heard a lot of Kanye West.
And I liked a lot of what I heard.
I won't look him up on YouTube.
I don't want him to get a fucking penny of my money.
But I'm like, dude, you're so talented.
Why?
Why are you...
Here's the worst part, too, okay?
Yay, I'll give him that.
Okay, the reason why he has a campaign manager that's a white supremacist douchebag, he's running for president in 2024.
He wants Donald Trump to be his bitch vice president.
He got on Infowars and...
Claimed to not know who Ron DeSantis is.
You know, the governor of Florida.
That is...
Turning it into little cow.
Well, he's turning it into little fash, is what he's doing.
It's gotten worse.
Yeah, someone told me recently, and I have not looked this up, so listeners, feel free to correct me on this.
Someone told me recently that they're not allowed to discuss menstruation.
In school anymore in Florida.
You know, as a thing that naturally happens within a cisgender female body, they're not allowed to discuss it in classrooms.
They're also not allowed to discuss gay people or transgender people or anything that isn't basically straight.
Fucking, yeah.
And he's still going through with making Disney not be Disney.
So, fuck that guy.
So, yeah, listeners.
We've debated whether or not we're going to talk about this.
And I think it merits discussion here.
We do not live in Florida.
Yeah.
We moved.
We moved last year to...
We weren't going to say the name of where we live, but...
I feel like we could get away with it.
Guys, we're in a city of five million fucking people.
Good luck finding us.
We're in Minneapolis, Minnesota, which we have loved the hell out of.
It has been five months of winter, which was supposed to end a month ago.
It has been five months of winter going on six, but we've really enjoyed our time here.
Part of that brings me to another segment of the show that we're going to talk about.
But first...
First, before we get into that, now Matty already knows about this.
Yeah.
We've discussed this off record, but y 'all are going to learn about it in a minute.
For now, though.
For now, though.
Let's get back to the subject at hand.
Do you want to talk any more about what I covered here with Candace Owens?
Ask me anything.
If I didn't write it down, I'd probably remember it.
Go ahead.
I already covered all the different blacks.
This is more just my brain thinking.
What you said about the apartheid, because I wasn't knowledgeable on that being a thing myself.
I wasn't knowledgeable on the apartheid part myself.
I'm just confused as to how she thinks.
I don't know.
I can understand that blacks in America have been treated pretty bad.
But apartheid sounds just as bad, if not worse.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And here's the fucked up thing, too.
Okay, apartheid, when apartheid ended, you know, the people got their universal voting back in 1994.
So, like, apartheid ends around 1991, and it ended because the president of South Africa at the time...
He was very opposed to ending apartheid.
But he had a stroke and he had to give up his office.
The vice president told him, yeah, look, if you let me assume power, I'm not going to deal with any of it.
We're going to keep things the way they are.
Total bullshit.
God bless this guy.
Because as soon as he got into power, he started dismantling apartheid.
He's like, this is bullshit.
We should have never been doing this.
It was the secret one that got up the ranks and just said, fuck this noise.
Yeah.
Him and public sentiment, people wanted to get rid of apartheid.
Even white South Africans who had benefited from it were like, this is fucked up.
Yeah.
Well, they start getting rid of apartheid.
They had universal suffrage, which is universal voting.
So blacks and Indians and colored people of all types that couldn't vote before now could.
So they voted in all kinds of reforms.
You know, better for everybody.
South Africa is not nearly as, I don't think it's nearly as large as the United States, so they didn't have the same kind of concerns that we did.
And they didn't have a fucking civil war.
Yeah.
That's one of the major differences here, is that, you know, America had the civil war, where people fought for or against slavery.
Whatever anyone tries to say.
I think one of the best quotes I ever read was, if someone says to you the American Civil War was fought wasn't over slavery, it was about states' rights, ask them what states' rights.
Because it's generally the right to own people.
Yeah.
For people to own people, literally.
That's what the fuck it is.
So, yeah, and if you read any papers from the time, there was nobody going, On about states' rights.
They were going on about slavery.
Newspapers from the time were very fucking clear.
Politicians from the time were very fucking clear.
Nobody was mincing words.
But a lot of the abolitionists were also kind of fucked up in that they wanted to abolish slavery and the practice of it and all that because the rest of the world had already done so for the most part.
But they wanted to...
They didn't want to give people their rights.
They wanted to send them back to Africa.
Mm-hmm.
They wanted to eject them entirely.
Including people that had grown up here that were generationally enslaved.
Yeah.
So, the abolitionists weren't perfect by and large, but there were a lot of them that were good people.
Yeah.
But yeah, we had to have a fucking war with ourselves.
Mm-hmm.
And then, after the fucking war, people were still bitches about it.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Too many people thought that literally the South would rise again.
Yeah.
Without the slave workforce.
That's actually something that's in that Western game we were playing.
Red Dead?
Yeah, in Red Dead.
You come across...
I can't believe I bought Red Dead.
I played that game for 10 minutes and installed it for an hour and I was like...
Y 'all can have this.
Yeah.
I wish I'd game-passed that shit, but anyway, go ahead.
At least it was on sale time.
It was.
You actually come across old Confederate soldiers that are sitting back.
Some of them, you come across them in forts.
They've just been sitting there waiting for Union troops, waiting for Confederate backup.
Others are just old vets that are like, South rise again.
You'll see.
And then usually you're putting a bullet in them because you've got a bounty for them.
But...
Yeah, no.
If there were a perfect world.
So...
God.
At least they got that right in the game.
But...
Yeah, no.
So...
Yeah, you know, and then we wind up with things like the Ku Klux Klan and the American Nazi Party that had...
A goddamn convention in Madison Square Garden in New York fucking City.
Really?
Yeah, you will never in your lifetime, unless I tell you, you will never ever fucking guess who their presidential candidate was because they had a real party.
Go ahead, just pick a historical name out of the bucket.
You'd never get this right in a million years.
I don't...
Hang on.
I want to say it was a Jackson of some form.
Not even.
No?
Not even close.
A Roosevelt?
No.
There was a man who flew from America across the Atlantic Ocean and landed in France and it was a goddamned achievement and his name was Charles Lindbergh.
And he was their presidential candidate.
Hero to the country, Charles Lindbergh, was the presidential candidate for the American Nazi Party.
There are pictures of Madison Square Garden in New York City with massive Nazi banners.
Full swastika, red.
That happened.
That happened.
You know what stopped at the Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor and America was like, oh, well, fuck these guys.
Ah.
Yeah.
He was so close.
The problems didn't leave the country after the Civil War.
They continued quite a bit.
So.
Yeah.
So to answer back to Miss Owens' question of Why does being a black Canadian, a black Russian, or even just a black person from Southern Africa not carry quite the same weight as being a black American does?
I think we've answered that one.
It's either pretty okay, pretty great, to absolutely horrible.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, South Africa, what I was going to say, though, was there's always been this idea that If you free the slaves, if you give them the same rights, then they will kill everyone once they have guns.
And that didn't happen in South Africa.
What happened was they had truth and reconciliation committees.
This part I knew about.
This is people being good and bucking the system that fucked them for so long.
They've had truth and reconciliation committees where they have taken people that were police officers, military people.
They did a lot of bad shit.
And they took them one by one and figured out whether or not they did their crimes against humanity in a lot of cases.
Whether or not their crimes against humanity were motivated by personal desire or the fact that they were afraid for their lives because they were under orders.
Yeah.
People who were legitimately like, look, I know I did bad shit.
I'm very sorry.
They were allowed to go on with their lives.
The people that were unapologetic, that just hated hard, they were dealt with, but they didn't kill anybody.
They have a very low, low kill rate.
Yeah.
Where they could have easily flipped the tables and just gone, we've got all the guns and power and money now.
Yeah.
They didn't do that shit.
And that's one of the things that the American South was like, It was very, very hardcore against...
And it's one of the reasons why they fucking...
They fucked up Tulsa.
Which, you know, they show a little bit of in the Watchmen series.
Yeah.
Tulsa was...
It was known as Black Wall Street.
Because the blacks in Tulsa had created a massive community of their own.
They were buying from their own businesses.
They basically had turned it into a very profitable system for themselves.
Yeah.
And the white folks in Oklahoma didn't appreciate that.
And they absolutely did use...
Airplanes were brand new at the time.
They absolutely did use private airplanes to drop bombs on people and do a massacre in like, I think, two or three days.
They killed most of the black citizens in Tulsa.
Jesus.
In Oklahoma.
In 1921.
A full...
60 years or so after the Civil War.
So people that had nothing to do with slavery, generationally.
They might have been the kids of slaves, but they went on, they made their own families.
They got out of the South, for fuck's sake, and went to Oklahoma to make lives, and then were slaughtered.
For her to even go on with this bullshit, all I gotta say is there's like...
I'm not even through the first page.
There's 300-something pages to this book.
We're technically not even on page one.
This is just the introduction.
To page one after the foreword.
No, no.
This is the introduction page.
She asked a question.
She asked a fucking question, and I had to go research shit and fuck her.
I didn't need to know this kind of thing.
But here we are.
This is what we do.
And now, on to something.
I hope clears the minds of our listeners.
Okay, so one of the wonderful things.
See, Maddie knows what's coming.
Y 'all are going to find out.
I really am not looking forward to this.
Oh no, I'm not looking forward to it either.
Okay, so.
Alright, we moved from Florida, as stated, to Minneapolis.
And I love this area.
I really do.
I love Minnesota.
I wish we'd moved a long time ago because you would have gone to better schools.
I would have actually found nerds as well and not, you know, had to do as much worrying about bullies and shit.
Life would have been far better for everyone, but here we are.
So one of the things that Minnesota has, they have this wonderful, they have a wonderful, they have a wonderful weed culture here.
Holy shit, this state's about to legalize marijuana in a big bad way.
Although we do have THC gummies and drinks that are excellent.
We have really good suppliers here.
In fact, I'm going to go ahead and plug one on the show.
They didn't ask for it, but we're going to go ahead and plug one.
It's known as Natrium.
If you're in the Twin Cities area, look up Natrium.
N-A-T-R-E-U-M.
They have a very good shop.
They make their own shit from THC derived from hemp.
It's very good.
Again, this is an unsolicited plug.
I like their shop and I want to see them do well.
They also have comedy on Monday nights.
Do they?
I didn't know about that.
Yeah, they have an open mic comedy show on Monday nights.
I know it because one of my co-workers films for them.
Cool.
Yeah, we might check that out sometime through mom.
But anyway, so...
We have a wonderful beer-making culture here.
Wonderful wine-making culture.
Lots of spirits.
Minnesota produces a lot of great shit.
We also have a soda-making culture.
And that's what I'm getting to right now.
Now, Matty is 18. I am well above that age.
And that brings me to we can't have alcohol on the show with him yet.
So instead, I was in a shop recently in a Lunds and Byerly's store.
Lunds and Byerly's, very good grocery shopping.
And I saw something.
Something caught my eye.
And God help me, I can't help myself sometimes.
I bought a bunch of different sodas from this one manufacturer.
Now, don't tell them what it is yet.
I'll get there.
I swear to God.
So, the name of this company is...
W.T. Heck Sodas.
As in, what the heck sodas.
They have a fancy man on the label.
I bought six different sodas.
We're going to do the first ones.
We're going to do the first two that I'm pretty sure are going to be terrifyingly bad.
We're going to do those for the sake of this podcast.
Because I have to wash my brain of Apartheid and Candace Goddamned Owens.
And I saw no better way to do that than to buy four that sounded really good and two that sound fucking terrible.
We're going to do the fucking terrible ones first.
We're going to do one per week.
Today, I'm cracking into an absinthe-colored bottle.
You tell them, because I can't.
It is dill pickle.
Soda.
Yep.
It is a soda flavored to taste like dill pickles.
Now, here's what makes this super bad and a really bad idea.
Aside from its existence, I fucking hate pickles.
I hate pickles almost as much as I hate the next soda that we're going to try next week.
Don't tell them.
Don't let it out.
It's so fucking terrible.
It sounds bad.
It sounds real bad.
I hate dill pickle.
I hate pickles.
I'm not a fan of cucumbers.
It's not like I love cucumbers and then they become pickles and I'm all like, no, fuck that noise.
No, I hate cucumbers too.
I, myself, love cucumbers.
I love bread and butter pickles, but dill pickles, that is where I draw my line.
I'm going to put this off by just another minute.
You can't delay the inevitable forever.
Well, we need to let people know.
Fair enough.
Okay, so...
This soda was bottled by Blue Sun Bottling, which has...
I didn't realize that, actually.
They have a bottle shop in St. Paul.
We'll have to go there sometime.
The first time I saw their name, though, I chuckled.
Yeah.
Blue Sun Bottling.
Blue Sun.
Mass Effect 2. No, nothing.
Oh, okay.
I laughed my ass off when I saw that.
I was like, no way, someone did that.
Blue Sun Bottling Company.
Located in Spring Lake Park, Minnesota.
The ingredients, in case anyone's wondering, are purified carbonated water.
Sounds good.
Sugar.
Okay.
Just straight sugar.
No corn syrup.
No bullshit.
Natural and artificial flavors.
Citric acid.
Sodium benzoate.
Yellow five and blue number one.
Wait, it says it has blue number one, but that's green colored.
Yeah, but it mixes with yellow number five and whatever else is in here.
I didn't hear yellow number five.
I think I went deaf thinking about the fact that we're about to drink this shit.
Now, I'm going to be honest with you.
If I get into...
You know what?
Let's have the water bottles at hand.
Yeah.
Let's have them open and cracked.
Right?
Let's just...
Let's delay this by another second, you know?
Yeah.
Well, it's not so much a delay as it is...
I might need this entire bottle to wash away the stain of the swallow I'm going to give to this.
I swear, if I actually like this...
If you like it, you can have mine.
Because I know I'm probably going to hate it.
Now, one of the reasons why I will try things like this, why I'm always a game for this, is...
I don't like how much you're shaking it.
I could get more violent with the shaking.
No?
No.
Okay.
The reason why I'm willing to try shit like this is because, for all I know, it's brilliant.
But...
I don't think it's going to be.
I really hope it's a joke.
I really hope it's not dill pickle flavored.
It's just some like gaff.
And it's just like sugar water or something.
I really hope so.
Alright, so I've just cracked it open.
Oh, good lord.
It is going to be dill pickle flavored.
I haven't...
Oh, dear.
Hang on.
Oh, dear fuck.
It smells like a McDonald's cheap burger.
It does.
It does.
It smells exactly like McDonald's pickles.
Oh, dear God.
Okay.
I think that's more than any human should drink.
I have only put in about an ounce or two into his glass.
Don't yet.
We're going to do this together.
I'm going to take this journey with you.
Even though I know, by God, it smells bad.
You know what's great, though?
I've got salsa that's going to wash this shit away.
Lucky you.
You got salsa.
You can have some of the salsa.
It's happening here.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'll have some.
Oh, something else.
Love spicy things.
Yeah.
Just delaying this by another second if I can.
Bottles of water at hand for this one.
I got it right here.
This just, this smells like ass.
It smells so bad.
Okay.
Alright.
Okay.
God damn it.
See, the fact is, we're not just doing this for the show.
I would have done this anyway.
Show's a good example, though.
Or show's a good excuse.
It keeps us from going through all of them in one evening, too.
Oh, fuck.
I can't.
All right, all right, all right.
All right, so...
Reach down, find your nuts if you need to.
Remember, remember, the pimp pan is at the end of your wrist all the time.
It's never gone away.
It was always there.
Okay, I just need a second to...
Yeah, absolutely.
You might want to have that bottle of water open and, like, just ready.
That's up to you, though.
You do you.
If you'll notice, my cap is here.
Let me just, like...
I, like, tightly resealed it.
Let me just gently reseal it.
Because if I have this open and that's terrible, I'm going to spill it everywhere before I actually drink it.
Alright, so, hold on now.
Let's do this.
I can smell it from here.
Let me cleanse my palate.
Yeah, you're a great deal.
Yeah. Ah.
*cough*
Okay, we haven't even started yet.
And already I'm choking on water.
Good lord.
Okay.
Hold on.
It smells so bad, y 'all.
I can't.
Okay.
I think what I'm going to do is what I have to do with chicken grease.
You know, like three day old.
Just, you know, take a deep breath in and then just cut off your nostrils.
I don't think you can.
This shit's powerful.
So is the smell of rotten chicken grease.
No, no, I was a fry cook.
I'm aware.
And no, this is worse.
Yeah, no.
It's worse in every way.
I'm just going to pretend it's coconut.
Don't.
Do not besmirch coconut.
That's the way, sir.
Coconut didn't do anything to you.
It just is.
This is manufactured.
All right.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
So.
Okay.
You know what?
Count off to three in your own head.
Let's just.
Do this.
Oh, fuck.
It's so bad.
Oh. *coughs*
Breathe.
Breathe.
God, I hate the...
I have, like, a wide tongue, so it's just...
Oh, my crap.
What a bad trip.
You spit all over your computer.
Thank God I closed it.
I had a feeling that was gonna happen.
Holy shit.
Holy crap.
Oh, God, it's...
I'm crying.
It's sitting at the back of my, like, at the back.
The back of the palate.
Yeah, back of the palate, top of the palate.
You got more of yours down than I did.
I couldn't even.
It hit my tongue and my body was like, no.
Yeah, I was watching you.
It looks like you were about to projectile spew for a second.
I can still taste it.
I got almost none of it.
And I can still taste it.
That's...
I want to say...
They accurately did it.
Let's get the cups off the computer.
Holy shit, that's terrible.
Is it bad that after the first sip I was like, nope, I gotta commit to the rest?
I had that thought run through and then my sanity went, are you crazy?
No.
God.
This is an option.
This is...
Fuck, that's...
Okay, well I hope the listeners got a chuckle out of that.
Holy shit.
Oh my god.
That's...
That's one of the worst things I've ever had in my life.
Yeah.
I mean, to give...
It tastes like they distilled pickle juice into soda.
Yeah, to give the people credit.
They nailed it.
They nailed it.
They did that hat like Jelly Belly.
You know what, though?
It has me looking forward, not to next week.
Next week's gonna be...
Horrible.
Horrifying.
But...
The next four after that might be really good.
Yeah, yeah.
There's one I'm really looking forward to.
We're not going to talk about it yet.
Not on air anyway.
Holy shit.
What should I do with the rest of that monstrous?
Offer it to the other people in the house.
I don't think any of them are going to take it.
They're going to sniff it and they're going to be like, fuck no.
Fair enough.
Because they're smarter than us.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Man, what a bad trip.
Holy shit.
All right, everybody.
Well, this has been Please Only One Lie at a Time.
