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July 21, 2014 - GabCast Bellgab.com
01:28:48
21 July, 2014

21 July, 2014 ---------- So long Skype! The Gabcast crew tests their new Mumble audio setup live on air, what could possibly go wrong? (Redacted) joins the guys to share her views about annoying people, creepy dudes and idiotic rules for engaging a certain self important singer from U2. Eddie successfully pranks a telemarketer using the famous George soundboard. B-Dubb introduces a new segment called Master Post Theater.

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The Gabcast, a podcast about Bellgab.com.
Visit ufo shit.com for live streaming and chat.
The Gapcast is not legally responsible for your feelings.
Hey, everybody, it's the Gapcast.
This is the July 21st edition of the Gabcast.
Gabcast is a podcast roughly based around the website called Bellgab.com.
I'm Eddie Dean.
We have Onin.
Damn, I always say that.
I always go with Onin first, and Onin is not here tonight.
We got B-Dub and Jazzmund.
We got B-Dub and Jazz Munda with us tonight.
How you guys doing?
Hi.
Big butthurt.
You're butt hurt?
What are you butthurt about?
Well, you seem to love Onin more than you love the rest of us.
It's just a tick.
He's a creature of habit.
Yes.
Exactly.
He loves Onin more than us.
Well, I promised Onin, I wouldn't say anything to you guys about that.
You caught it.
I feel like someone's got a man crush.
Possibly.
What we're doing tonight is we're using Mumble for the very first time for the show.
Well, I just noticed that your guys' level is really low.
So we've abandoned Skype, and we're using Mumble to get everybody together to do the Gabcast.
You are the weakest think.
And I'm just looking at my levels, what's going on on the stream, and I'm looking at B-W and Jazzmunda's levels.
You guys say something, please.
Say something.
Something, please.
How do I sound?
Hello to all the people in the chat room.
You sound very Australian.
Yeah, no, I can't help that.
Can't you do something about that, Jazz?
Jeez.
Come on.
I can talk like an American.
That was the worst American accent ever.
Yeah, that was pretty bad.
You need to say something about hamburgers, though.
Giant hamburgers and Budweiser beer.
Pray for Goatsy.
Pray for Goatsy.
Have you guys seen this new food show about like extreme food or something?
They made like a car out of tater tots.
They made a car.
It's such a waste of money.
I don't know.
I think it's on TLC or Food Channel.
Well, no, it wasn't Food Channel.
It was a food show, but it was more like we're doing crazy stuff with food and mainly just wasting it, which I thought was really offensive.
It's very American, by the way.
Yeah, it is very American.
But anyway, was it a real car?
Did they drive it?
Did they just make the outer shell out of Tater Tots?
Pretty much.
Jesus Christ.
Deep-fried, tater-tot shell.
So did they have like a big vat of ketchup at the end of the driveway and then they drove it really fast into this ketchup?
I didn't actually see the show.
I just saw a commercial for it.
Sure, you did.
You saw it.
Come on.
You can tell us.
It's okay.
So when they run an ad like that and they tell you what day and time, that means I have to plan ahead to be available to watch something at a particular day and time.
And that's something I'm just not capable of doing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not for TV anyway.
Certainly not for reality TV.
You mean you don't sit around and watch TV all day?
Suddenly I feel like a communist.
Why do you hate America and the children?
Why do you hate America's children?
Why do you hate the children so much?
So I'm getting...
So I'm getting, like, little clicks and pops.
I'm not sure if that's the push-to-talk thing, Jasmundu.
Was that you?
No, I'm not using the push-to-talk anymore.
Okay.
I ditched it.
Okay, so you're just doing, you're using the continuous?
Is that what you're using?
Yes, I think so.
Okay.
No, not continuous.
I'm using voice activity.
Voice activated.
Okay.
Yeah.
Almost like the Star Trek Enterprise, isn't it?
The communicators.
I'm not hearing anything.
You're not hearing anything?
You're speaking, and I'm hearing that, so that's good.
But as for weird noises, I don't hear anything.
Yeah, well, my ears are hypersensitive to that kind of shit, so I kind of go crazy over that about the quality of audio.
But I'm not sure exactly where that's coming from.
Go ahead.
Eddie, I just need to correct you.
The Star Trek communicators weren't voice activated.
You did have to tap them, I believe.
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
And when you wanted to speak to the computer, you had to say computer.
Computer?
Yes.
And I'm a geek.
Yes.
Well, we are going to do that.
Being the professional broadcasters that we are, we actually didn't even test Mumble as a group.
So I'm kind of doing this on the fly, you know, making sure that the levels are at least close to one another and there's not any extraneous noise or things like that.
But so far, I'm kind of liking Mumble.
But I mean, if I hadn't been so damn lazy this week, then we would have this lockdown already.
I agree.
Yes, I agree.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What do you guys want to talk about tonight?
You guys have, oh, I know what I wanted to talk about.
If you guys would like to call the show tonight, the number is 623-242-2278.
I just remembered I forgot to give the number out.
Again, that's 623-242-2278.
I've been really fucking annoyed this week, or this past week.
And I've just been noticing things that normal everyday things that happen to me that just annoy the piss out of me.
It's like I have no patience for anything.
Like I go to the grocery store and somebody's talking on a cell phone and walking in front of me.
And normally I just, you know, go around him if I could or be patient.
But this week, no, I couldn't.
I just got all pissed off and I never said anything to him.
But I just noticed that my patient levels were, or patience levels were really low.
And I thought that I'd bring that to the show and ask everybody, is there things that annoy you in everyday life other than every other person that you meet like me this week?
Well, that's what I was going to say.
I was going to say people in general annoy me.
Either people or actually the phone annoys me.
A ringing phone actually annoys me because I don't want to speak to people.
And I just know that anytime my phone rings, it's someone who's going to want something from me.
So the phone ringing is never a good thing.
There's no one ever ringing to tell you you've won the lottery or anything like that.
It's always something either someone wants or it's bad news.
So I'll add the phone to the things that annoy me.
To your annoyance.
What about you, BW?
B-W, you don't have anything that annoys you?
Did we lose B-W?
Oh, my God.
Mumble microphones.
Mumble is not going too well.
I see in the mumble display, I can see each person's name, each host name, and next to them, there's this little mouth.
And when the mouth is colored in, that means that their mic is open.
And when their mouth is grayed out, that means their mic is closed.
And B-dub's little mouth has been grayed out for a few minutes now.
And I don't know why.
He mentioned in our chat window that he was muted.
Yes, he mentioned that he was muted, and now he's unmuted, but apparently he still can't talk.
But he will actually now he's connected again, but I think maybe mumble is something that annoys him.
Well, it's starting to annoy me a little bit here, and we've only been using it for 10 minutes.
Well, maybe we should have tested it beforehand.
Yeah, oh, that's 100% my fault.
I just too damn lazy and annoyed this week to actually do any fucking testing.
So that's totally on me.
And now I'm hearing crackling in the background.
I wonder if that's B-dub.
I wonder if I can actually mute each channel to see where the noise is coming from.
Let me try local mute.
Oh, no.
And then he just dumped out again.
This is interesting radio, isn't it?
Yeah, I'm watching the screen that I can see, the mumble screen.
It has all the things, anything that B-dub does on Mumble, it tells us.
So he's muting his microphone.
He's unmuting his microphone.
He's disconnecting.
He's connecting.
I can just sort of picture him at his computer just going crazy.
B-dub is now pulling his hair out.
Yes.
And now he just typed in you fuckers in the mumble window.
So if anyone else would like to join us as another host.
Yes.
Oh, yes, you're on now.
Oh, how pleasant.
Welcome to the Gabcast, everybody.
Yes.
What were you going to say, Jazz?
I was going to say, if someone else wants to join us as a guest host to replace B-dub, we're open to download Mumble Client and install it.
Nice.
Thanks.
You just got fired on the air.
We do have an opening for tonight.
Because we're a short one.
Yeah, like people said on the forum that they want that one of the things they really want is for other bell gabbers to hear other bell gabbers talk.
You can talk about anything, talk about what words you put into Google to find out that George Nori sucks and find the site.
You might have a recipe.
You might have a good way to clean out shit stains or semen stains from underwear.
There's a good way.
Redacted just made a nice comment in the chat room.
Welcome to the Gabcast sound check.
That's basically what it is.
We're doing this on the fly.
I thought we got started off to a pretty good start and then it just came apart at the seams.
Get paid for this.
No, George.
But I think, Eddie, I don't know.
I don't know if you also have this in common with me and Eddie Jazz, but I'm also super annoyed with everything right now.
And I don't know.
Maybe all the Gabcast people have finally synchronized our periods.
We quite possibly could.
So you're annoyed at everything now, too.
Oh, yeah.
Not just right at this very minute, at Mumble.
Not at this very minute.
It's really bad when I'm driving.
Oh, Road Rage?
Like, I'm really happy I don't own a gun.
Yeah.
And when I go to the grocery store and there's like 16 people standing in one aisle, like reading the ingredients on something and making it impossible to get through, that sets me off.
I'm with you, man.
The thing that my grocery store did is they just expanded.
They made, I don't know how many square feet of product of space for this huge grocery store.
And it had real nice wide aisles.
And it was really nice for a couple of years.
And now what they're doing is they're putting pallets of shit right down the middle of the main fucking aisle.
That drives me nuts.
So either way you're going, you only have maybe two cart spaces, you know, like two shopping cart spaces of area to get by.
So if anybody stops in the main aisle and talks on their fucking cell phone, then it's a road rage time or cart rage or whatever.
But yeah, that really bubs me out.
Michael, what I see that you have joined us.
We have a special guest tonight.
Special guest, Michael Van Diven.
Well, damn it, you weren't supposed to say that.
I was just joining Mumble so I could hear how it sounds like actually in Mumble, not on the show.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
I mean, all the clicks and stuff that you're complaining about, Eddie, I don't hear on the stream.
Neither do I. Really?
I think it's just your shoddy 1950s vacuum tube equipment you're using.
Hey, that's classic.
Master.
He uses way less electricity.
Tubes are so much warmer, man.
Yeah.
Sounds so much better.
I don't know whether to embrace those people and just hold them and say it's okay.
It'll be okay or punch them in the face.
Well, I'm sure right now in the middle of July in Arizona, you don't want to have a big tube amp going full bore to further raise your heating or your cooling bill.
Yes.
It's so warm, though.
In more ways than one.
Literally.
You can heat your home with the Fender Twin.
So B-Dub, are you here?
Yes.
I am here.
Okay.
See, what you guys need to do is, first of all, eliminate all that speak-to-talk stuff.
You just want to have it wide open.
Just having continuous?
Yeah.
Like I see Jasmunda and B-Dub, it looks like anytime they're not making any sound, I see their mouths go gray.
Right.
Yeah.
And I don't think you want to do that.
Just leave it wide open.
And also, when you go into the settings and mumble, pardon me, you want to make sure that the bandwidth is as wide open as it can go.
Yeah, we have it set to 96.
Okay.
For everybody.
Do you know what the jitter, what is it, the jitter value?
Or let's see.
Let's see what it's called.
It is cold.
Let's just do some tech support right here live on the air.
Is that the one where the is that like the latency?
It's the audio audio output is called the default jitter buffer.
No, I think I slid all that stuff down all the way to the left.
Yeah, I did too.
Just like your politics.
Yeah, I'm a rabid communist.
I've been passing out leaflets all day.
Wow.
Okay.
So we're just going to have to really, I mean, well, I didn't mean to drop in on your show like that.
I was just, you know, I was.
I'm sorry.
You didn't even get a backstage pass and you're trying to go backstage at the Gabcast.
And we don't have security guards to stop Mr. Michael Van Diven.
Yeah, man, he brought a lot of marijuana.
Oh, well, then.
I'm doing exactly what Jasmunda frightened me when he made mention of, which was, you know, Michael, do we now have the ability to get right into your show in the middle of a broadcast?
Actually, that's more of a queen, like what's the English.
Yeah, I cannot do an Australian accent.
No Americans can.
There's a certain subtlety to it that you just can't capture.
Fuck you.
Anyway, Jasmunda's like, can we, is it possible I might drop right into your spec sheet broadcast right in the middle of it, just get in there and jean my finger up his bow.
I said, well, don't mention the butthole.
The thought of it frightened me.
I said to myself, Jasmunda's making mental connections here I had hoped he wouldn't make.
And I don't know what to do with it now.
Anyway.
So I'm sorry to dropped in on you.
I didn't mean for you guys to.
I'll assure you that I will not be dropping in on your broadcast.
Oh, Bill, on the other hand.
Big boy.
If I ever have a connection into Art Show, then yeah, I'll definitely drop in on his.
I'm sure you'll have a connection into Art's show.
You'll make sure of that.
There's no.
Oh, there's a little ambiguity here, guys.
Hello, what could happen?
This is Andy from Australia.
Yes, Andy.
Killer of shows.
Yes.
Okay, guys.
Well, everyone sounds fine here.
B-dub, say something.
I didn't actually hear you.
Hello.
Yeah, everyone sounds good here, and they sound good on the stream.
So, Eddie, I really would recommend a little more vitamin C, less Percocet.
Yeah.
What's the Percocet, Chief?
You know what I'm trying to figure out is how do I hang up on Michael?
I can't.
I physically cannot do it.
Okay.
There's no way to get him off the air.
Okay.
Message received.
See you guys.
See you guys later.
There we go.
That was the right button.
There he goes.
Okay.
Well, that was unexpected.
And yeah, apparently you can do that.
So we can audio bomb the spec sheet, too, if we'd like.
Oh, yeah.
We have the power.
I mean, maybe.
Maybe even the George Norris sound board could jump into the spec sheet.
What?
I think before each broadcast, Michael might change the password on us.
Yeah, we might end up having to set up our own server, our own mumble server for the gabcast.
That's no problem, though.
Let's see.
What else do you guys want to talk about?
We invited the callers or the listeners to call in if they had anything that annoyed them.
If you guys would like to join us on the show tonight, the number is 623-242-2278.
I promise I won't hang up on you until we get bored of you.
I mean, we have a whole thread that has 275 pages of things that annoy people.
So, guys, call in.
Yeah, really.
I think we need to single out Redacted because I know she's said at least in one comment in the chat room that she's been, like Eddie and I, just outrageously annoyed with everyone.
Yeah.
I don't know what it is.
You think it's something in the air or it's this time of year?
I mean, I have a theory that this time of year in Phoenix, there is a lot of people that just go bat shit crazy because of the humidity coupled with the heat.
And, you know, we've gone on two and a half, three months of plus 100 degrees, you know.
So I don't know what the rest of the country's problem is or if, you know, what the hell everybody's annoyed about.
But I certainly have to say that.
Hey, here's a question.
Sorry to interrupt you, but can people still call us on the Skype?
Yes.
Okay, so I just said don't use Skype, and I'm, in fact, sabotaging the gabcast this evening, so I apologize.
You son of a bitch.
Yes, you can use Skype.
You can use, call in that number, which is linked to our Skype account.
The number is 623-242-2278.
Or if you're a Skype user, you can just type in the dot Gabcast, and you can link to us that way.
So if you guys would like to join us on the show tonight, tell us what annoys you, then we'd love to talk to you.
Who started the annoys thread?
Was that Onan?
Yeah, it was Onan.
And that doesn't surprise me.
That makes so much sense.
And I looked at that today, and he was talking about, wasn't he talking about road rage and then some issue with his wife and picking up creamer?
Well, it started, yeah, he needed some coffee creamer, and I think it was more store clerks that were actually pissing him off, that were acting all holier than now and not really wanting to serve and do their job.
Yeah.
And that pissed him off.
And I can relate to that.
Here is one thing that will absolutely fucking send me through the roof: when I'm standing, I've been waiting in line, and I finally get up to where I'm supposed to be getting what I've been waiting for.
And the little fucker behind the counter, instead of doing their job, is sitting there yapping with one of their co-workers about some crazy shit they saw or some show they went to.
And now I'm waiting on them, even though I've been patient and I've been waiting for 15 minutes.
That just makes me want to slap their freaking heads off.
Oh, yeah.
And they also do the thing where you're waiting in line and it's finally your turn and you get up there and then they have to fucking clean out their drawer or the manager comes over and they have to sign out and sign a bunch of paperwork and count all their money and then the next teller comes in or the next cashier.
I'm not crying about the weights or fuck me.
That just really bugs me.
Yes, we are crying on the Gapcast.
Just the sound of butthurt.
That is the sound of butthurt.
So, Jasmine, do you really think that Americans can't do an Australian accent?
They definitely can't.
I mean, you listen to any American.
Yeah, what's her name?
Meryl Streep.
She's probably one of the best actresses ever.
Even she can't do an Australian accent because the dingo stole her baby.
I don't get that reference.
She was in this movie.
There was a very famous, in Australia, it's very famous.
There was this woman, Lindy Chamberlain, and her and her husband and her kids were camping in the Outback, and their child apparently was taken away by a dingo and killed.
No, it was raised.
It was raised by dingos.
Well, that's where they actually found.
And that's where Jasmine found the body of a little one-year-old kid mauled to death.
But the woman was charged with murder and actually went to jail for it.
But all the while, she kept saying that the dingo stole her baby.
And Meryl Streep played this woman in a movie.
And even she couldn't do the accent.
Well, she doesn't have to do the accent.
She's Meryl fucking Streep.
So that's right.
Yeah.
She can do whatever she wants, really.
It's true.
But you know, well, thank God.
Thank God that, you know, back in the day, you didn't have like James Cagney and who was the guy that Bogart doing trying to do an Australian accent.
Humphrey Bogart.
Train wreck.
That would have been terrible.
Yeah, sir.
I'm an Australian, sir.
I'm going to get you guys.
That's my closest Australian accent right there.
Yep, that's pretty good.
Thanks.
I thought Keith or Hugh Jackman had called into the Gapcast there for a second.
What?
Goodness gracious.
Let's see.
What else do we want to talk about?
Are we done talking about the annoyed things?
Things that annoy us?
Well, there's plenty of things that annoy us.
We could probably go on.
What about what else is in that thread, Jaz?
Is there other stuff that there's?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I took down a few things.
Aldous Burbank and where art thou oldest?
He said that he dislikes dogs that bark for no reason.
And I frankly agree with him.
I hate that when you have a neighbor's dog barking.
And usually it's the fault of the owners who aren't paying any attention to the dog or not feeding it or leaving it outside in the cold.
But yeah, that's quite annoying.
That annoys me to no end as well.
I mean, I love animals and I don't own a dog, but I own a cat.
My mom has a dog and it's a cute little dog.
You know, it's great.
But them little fuckers start barking.
Jesus.
It just has a Maltese or a Shihsu.
No, it's not a Shihhtzu.
It's kind of like a Shih Tzu.
It's about that size.
Actually, it's a little bit smaller.
But the neighbors have Chihuahuas.
No.
Oh, Chihuahuas.
They should be eradicated.
The fucking neighbors with their Chihuahuas.
And yeah, they let them out and they bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.
At the wind blowing.
Any dog that can fit in your purse should not be.
It's not a dog.
Here's a way you could deal with that situation.
You could get yourself some turkey vultures, set them loose, and they'll grab those chihuahuas and carry them away and eat them.
Eddie Dean, the falconer.
I will train a falcon, and he will swoop down upon thee.
Like a Chihuahua, I mean, at best, like 10 pounds, unless they're super fat.
And those turkey vultures can carry up to 15, I think.
There's dogs that are like five pounds.
I mean, they're no bigger than a cat.
Well, I was thinking like worst case scenario.
Yeah.
And the general, bless his heart, said that he dislikes homeless people.
So he's going to win a humanitarian award.
Oh, yeah, he's all hard that one.
Fucking homeless?
They're so homeless and stuff.
He was homeless with their own homeless.
He was comparing them to scam artists.
I'm sure there was much more to it than just homeless people.
Yeah, he just thought that they were scamming everybody.
So here's the thing, though.
the handouts and stuff?
Some homeless people, some homeless people Can you guys hear me?
Yeah, okay.
Sorry, go ahead.
You're just talking over me.
We're just talking.
Okay, sorry.
As long as we're clear.
Sorry.
Some homeless people are homeless because they're mentally ill.
Some people are homeless because they've fallen on hard times and genuinely need help.
And some people are homeless because they figured out they don't have to work for a living.
And so it's not really fair to make a generalization about all homeless people.
But when I lived in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, there was a homeless shelter right downtown, and those guys were a massive pain in the ass.
What would they do?
Accost you and try to get money?
I worked at this print shop that was right on the corner of the right downtown.
And they would just park their ass in front of our business.
We had like a little flowerbed, and it was right on the corner.
So we had one side was all big window, and then the other side was all big window, and the flowerbed in front of all the windows.
And then they would just park their asses right there, sit there all day long, drink mouthwash, and smoke cigarettes, and just be a nuisance.
And it got to the point where one of the homeless guys threatened one of our employees.
And that's when my manager went to the police and said, look, you guys need to put an end to this.
And basically overnight, that problem went away.
But it was really bad.
We used to have homeless people on the next the freeway.
What is it called?
The off-ramps on a freeway.
They'd stand there with cups and signs and things like that.
And this was 10 years ago, and it got to a point where every single off-ramp that or road crossing, you know, intersection, there'd be somebody out there with a sign and a cup.
And I think Arizona cracked down on that.
I mean, I don't mind maybe one or two, but, you know, and you have to think, okay, I give you five bucks.
You know, you know, the dude's going right to his dude's going right to his crack dealer or pick up somebody.
See, that's why I will restore money.
I will not give money to panhandlers for that reason.
I agree.
I'll buy some, but I'm not going to support their crack habit.
Yeah, I had an argument with a friend once.
We were downtown and we were walking, and he all of a sudden wasn't next to me.
And I saw he'd gone back to give the guy money.
And I said to him, you know, he's just going to go buy some alcohol or drugs with that.
And we got into an argument.
I said, look, I would prefer to go and buy him a sandwich than give him the money.
Yeah.
And some people do that.
They will go buy food and give it to the homeless or the panhandlers.
And sometimes they will refuse it.
So you know exactly what they're doing.
There was a guy that accosted me.
I was walking into a Circle K one time and he says, You got any spare change?
And I said, Hold on.
And I went in and I don't know what I was buying, a pack of cigarettes or something.
And I came out and the change, I gave him like a handful of quarter.
It was like 75 cents or 85 cents, something change.
And I gave that to him.
And he looked at me and went, Are you serious?
That's all you got?
I'm like, fuck you, man.
You give it back.
Give me it back.
Yeah.
I've given someone food before and I've had the same response.
Yeah.
You know, basically, give me money.
I don't want food.
Fucking asshole, giving me food and shit.
Fuck you.
I've definitely had that situation happen to me.
I actually went in someone.
I just wanted to give you food.
Bought these guys a sandwich and came back out and they're gone.
Really?
Yeah.
So, fuck them.
Speaking of.
You know what?
The general's right.
Homeless people.
Fuck ass.
Fuck them.
Fuck them.
They're homeless bastards.
So where the hell is all this?
Speaking of homeless.
Speaking of homeless people.
Well, up until yesterday or a few days ago, he hadn't been on the site at all for nearly a month.
And then I saw he had checked in on the site.
He hadn't written anything, but he must have briefly come back.
So unless someone logged in on his computer, he is alive.
Yeah.
I miss that, dude.
I miss him.
Yeah, so do I. Hey, Redacted, I got a joke for you.
See, Redacted just made a joke here in Oramark here in Chad.
She said, you guys are lucky.
At least they don't ask to move in with you.
Oh.
Which reminds me redacted as a music person.
Yeah.
Which reminds me of a music joke, which I would like to tell.
Okay.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
A drummer.
You stole my punchline, you jackass.
No, I thought you were asking us a question.
No, it's a joke.
Okay, okay.
Tell it again.
Tell it again.
You're fired.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Work with me here.
Come on.
It's not that hard.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Where's the dog?
There you go.
Sorry, man.
God, you step on.
Ball on my dick when you knew that.
I don't like it.
Didn't mean to blow up a joke, man.
We can fix that in post.
I'm so annoyed with you right now.
So also.
Tell us post about this.
Speaking about posters that were away for a long time and then came back, one of the probably one of the best things to come out of the great unbanning was the return of Eddie, the other Eddie, Eddie C., Eddie Coyle.
Yes, yes.
And his contribution was loud and obnoxious people.
So I'm sure we all are pissed off at loud and obnoxious people.
Oh, so Eddie posted in the first page of the annoying thread saying that he's annoyed by loud and obnoxious people.
Yes.
I would drop their pain in the ass.
Yeah.
They are.
Particularly young girls on mobile phones on public transport who are speaking into their phone like they're the only person in the world.
I don't want to hear your conversations.
So leave me alone.
That is pretty annoying.
Well, the worst is when they're talking to their doctor.
That's rash.
You know, the cream's not working.
The rash is worse.
The sores have burst open.
It's dripping.
It's dripping and it's green.
What does that mean?
You know, seeing that this is a horrible segue.
I'm just not going to do it.
So what else?
Any other posters in the annoying thread that you want to talk about, Jazz?
Yeah, someone, I've never seen this poster before.
Art Crow, who must be long gone because I haven't seen him post in a long, long time.
He said that cheating, no-good, low-life computer player one that pushes me into fits of rage.
So I'm sure we can all attest to being pissed off at the computer player on any game and that absolutely cheats, especially on my damn iPhone.
Whenever I play Backgammon, he always rolls a double six right at the end.
Yeah.
Bastard.
That happens to me too.
Pisses me off.
That makes me so mad.
So angry.
So Redacted said something in, I think it was the Annoyings thread that some dude walked up to her.
And yes, I'm trying to get Redacted to call into the show to tell us about this.
The number 623-242-2278.
But she said something about some strange random dude just walks up to her the other day or last week or whenever it was and gives her his number.
And I was thinking, that's got to be fucking, that was B-dub.
Redacted.
That was B-dub, by the way.
And I think she said she promptly just threw it right into the garbage, which is exactly probably the same thing that, well, I guess.
Being a dude, I don't know if I would do that.
If a chick came up and gave me your number, I don't know.
But it's got to be difficult for a different set of circumstances that happens to women when they're out by themselves in public and men.
You know, we got, I don't know.
That would fucking annoy the shit out of me if I was a woman and creepy dudes were coming up to me all the time, giving me their numbers or saying, you know, trying to hit on me or pick up on me.
Well, okay, so that wasn't me because if it had been me, I always brag about my six-inch taint before I give someone my digits.
So have you found that that works?
Oh, yeah, they just hop right on my shoulders and we go back to my place.
Ooh, B-dub.
What a love.
What lovely taints you.
You're on the air.
I'm on the air right now, this minute.
Are right now this very minute.
Oh my god, we're talking about weird dudes.
I heard someone say weird dudes.
Indeed, they were talking about us.
The Gabcast.
Welcome to the show.
What's up, Redacted?
Oh, just listening to the conversation, had to pop in.
So, did that really happen?
Some random dude just walks up and gives you his number?
Yeah, I'm walking along, and this guy comes out of the subway, incidentally, and just he's walking really fast, and he randomly happens to just have it in his hand on a little ripped-off piece of paper.
Yeah, and he just very strangely, and this is for you, and keeps walking.
He just kept walking.
He didn't look back.
Did he put his head on the mission?
Was there any eye contact?
Very, very a split second.
That was it.
He turned back to keep walking where he was going on his mission.
It was very strange.
I had an even weirder one on Saturday.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
This happened a lot.
Yes, lately, yes.
I don't know what it is, but okay, so homeless people, I had to return something, and I'm walking home.
It was way across town, and it's a bazillion degrees, so I'm dying of the heat, and I'm walking back home.
Yay, I got my refund, got my money in my pocket.
And here comes some just random guy, and he goes, Hey, how's it going?
Wow, you're pretty.
Can I walk with you?
Where are you walking?
And that is so smooth.
I need to take this down.
I didn't really have a choice.
I'm in traffic.
I have to get out of the way.
And he just goes on and on and on about his entire life.
I haven't had a shower in three days.
Yo, you got a nice crib or what?
We can go over to your house, right?
Fuck.
I've been doing it wrong all these years.
Yeah, wow.
Every time I've told a random girl on the street that I haven't taken a shower in three days and I wanted to go stay with her, it's always worked.
So I don't know.
Every time.
That's why.
Okay.
It works for me.
I don't know why.
Maybe his delivery is different than mine.
I'm not really sure.
Yeah, that would bug the fuck out of me if people come up to me like that and proposition me or hit on me or any of that stuff.
It's been getting weird lately.
It's been getting weird.
But save me my electronic dorky ass cigarette.
There was a shop called the Vapor Room that opened up.
So I went in there and just started talking to those guys about electronic cigarettes and vaping and stuff.
And the weirdo ended up just leaving.
Nice.
So did that guy on the subway that gave you his number?
Were you on the same subway train as him before that?
Because if you were, it means that maybe he was stalking you and checking you out.
Doesn't that out of a subway restaurant, actually?
Oh.
Okay.
Okay, that completely changes things.
Because I was thinking she lives in some like podunk town in California.
They don't have subways and little podunk towns.
But they have subway restaurants.
Yes.
It all makes sense suddenly.
So it was the subway west restaurant then.
I think guys who gratuitously hit on women, and I think you know what I mean, redacted, like they are just persistent.
They don't know when to take no for an answer, even when it's obviously unwanted.
I think those are guys who should be made to spend an hour in a room with a bunch of gay guys who've been doing cocaine in Viagra.
That's how you're thinking.
Because that would really give them a glimpse into what it's like to be turned into a piece of meat.
They would never do that again.
That might get it across.
But it would have to be for an extended period, like one of those parties where the sun's coming up and you're going, wow, this is still going on.
Oh, my God.
One of those.
Well, it could be like that.
But I tell you, an hour with a bunch of guys, a bunch of gay guys who've been doing Coke in Viagra, it would seem like an eternity for a stray guy.
Yeah.
Oh, looking at him, talking to him.
You got a girlfriend.
That was what this guy was doing, too.
You got a boyfriend.
Hey, you're hot.
You got a boyfriend.
I don't get it because I'm not dressing for the attention.
I'm wearing newly pajamas.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
Men are dogs.
Except me.
I'm cool.
Except me.
All men are dogs, except me.
I'm the nice one.
I'm the good one.
I don't know.
We were just talking about annoying things and homeless people.
I thought I would tie them together in my annoying homeless people situation.
But yeah, lots of things that involve the public are very annoying lately.
Yeah.
I must say.
So you're with everybody else, or at least me and BW, when there's been extra annoying bullshit happening to you this week.
Above the normal level, yes.
Yeah.
I would say.
Lots of weird, weird shit people do, or just that I notice more, maybe?
I don't know.
Where is it you live again?
Oh, beautiful Mercedes Central Valley, California.
I hate it here.
What was your number again?
Sorry.
Have we mentioned how hot you sound?
No.
Oh, my God, it's happening again.
No, nobody's ever said that.
No, but it's just really strange because I can get used to it maybe once a year, some weird dude in some weird situation.
Okay.
But this has been active lately, and I don't understand what has changed.
I'm older.
I'm not younger.
I don't get it.
Or is it just the hot weather?
Someone said Phoenix, you know, maybe they're annoyed because they're in Phoenix.
It is pretty hot here.
Have you showered in the last three days?
I have been showering.
Maybe that's all it.
That always does it for me.
I know what'll work.
Just be homeless.
And dudes won't hit on you as much.
Well, I'm not trying to.
But the homeless dudes probably would.
So that wouldn't work.
Forget what I said.
Maybe like, oh, that's a perfect match.
She's homeless.
I'm homeless.
It's meant to be meant to be.
Yeah, man.
Oh, my God.
That's interesting.
Do you carry a firearm or knife or I carry a knife and I carry this huge can of scorpion spray in my palm?
That sounds serious.
Now I remember why I don't hit on women in the straight.
Yeah.
Because that stuff stings.
Pepper sprayed one too many times, Sanchez.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hi, how are you?
Out of my eyes.
Oh, my eyes.
She's stabbing me.
She went Game of Thrones on my ass.
Excuse me, miss.
Have the ah okay.
That's the end of my joking.
Oh, it's funny.
Yeah, and just recently got, you know, the cell phone added to the little mix there.
I usually don't care because what's going to, I mean, who's going to come save me in one minute on a cell phone?
But I thought, ah, what the hell?
Oh, so you can call for help if somebody starts messing with you.
Yeah, I walk down the street.
You never know.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I walk down the street with 9-1 already dialed and have my hand on the other one just in case.
I have noticed that I see a lot of guys, and this is legal here in Ohio, and it's legal in North Carolina.
If you have a blade that's like less than three inches or maybe two and a half, you can just kind of tuck it in your pocket with the clip showing, and that's legal.
But I look at a lot of people doing that.
I'm like, are they carrying that knife around for protection or because they need to cut some boxes up or all the above?
They need to trim some cardstock or something.
I don't know.
I saw the other day, you know, how sometimes you'll see Indian people in their traditional dress.
And I always think it's awesome.
I wish I was Indian so I could wear their cool clothes like that.
But I saw a guy that looked like a chic just in the grocery store looking at the cheese or whatever.
And he had the thing on his head, but he had this thing around his waist.
And there was a big, huge, as long as half of my arm.
He had this huge curved blade and a sheath and this whole get-up.
It was surreal.
No, this wasn't around or this.
This wasn't around Halloween, was it?
No, it was yesterday.
Excuse me, young lady.
Do you perhaps give you my number?
Do you notice the giant car problem?
Where's the oasis, man?
No, seriously.
It was pretty surreal.
I mean, of all the annoying things that have happened, that one is kind of like, and then there was this completely fully dressed chic man, and he was seven feet tall.
I don't know if he was wearing platforms or what was going on.
You weren't smoking weed before you went out.
What?
You weren't smoking any weed before you went out that day.
No, that's the weird thing.
I think everything annoys me because I have quit.
Oh, you've quit.
And I think this is the whole problem.
Now we're getting down to the root of the cause here.
See, if everyone smoked, we wouldn't have a thread with 274 pages of things that annoy you.
But then there would just be people saying, you know, I'm really annoyed today because I'm out of weed.
It would be a lot of that.
Yeah.
No, it would be people would start posting something about something that annoyed them, and then they'd be like, oh, wait, I got to go.
Domino's is here.
And this thing happened today that what was I typing?
Yeah.
I was typing something.
Crap.
Hey, Redeck, did you want to talk about the radio show that you do, the Fret Files with Eric?
If you guys want to hear it.
Did you want to plug it?
Did you want to talk about it?
Yeah, well, we just did an episode, and that should be up.
And we were both kind of, you know, a little unprepared for it, but it still pulled off pretty well.
And we have a good time doing it.
You should listen to it.
That's what I want to say.
And it's on ufoship.com, and it's called The Fret Files, right?
Yeah, it comes out first, second week of every month.
Yeah, usually you post it around the 15th or so, right?
15th of each month?
Yep.
Yeah.
It's not really my show.
It's the generals.
Right, yeah.
Eric Dawk does it.
I'm just the Linda Moulton Howe of the Guitar News.
Do you play like audio clips from your 1980s style tape recorder?
I keep asking and my requests keep being denied.
Damn.
Do you report on guitars that have had their strings taken out?
No, I think that's Eric's job.
I mean, the general's job.
He does that.
What's your niche in that world?
You're more like music news?
Yeah, that's what I do.
I look up the interesting and hard-to-find tidbits of guitar news out there and give a quick recap.
You know, there's a cross-section here where your Fret Files world crosses and intersects with what we're talking about here on the Gabcast.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
I don't not right.
Things that annoy you.
Musical things that annoy you?
Musical things that annoy me.
Bono.
Oh, yeah.
Bono, dude.
You lit the fire now.
Oh, my God.
Hate that guy.
So much.
And would you like to talk about that?
Is that from perhaps some personal experience?
Didn't you roadie or something like that?
Yeah, yeah, that is from personal experience, actually.
Yeah, I did.
I pushed crates.
Okay, I was nobody special.
I just was that person you saw for a split second backstage rolling a crate from one place to another.
But they call that a grip?
I guess they call it a grip.
Mostly we're just, we're all under the same roadie name.
Yeah.
So people are just known by their name of what they can do and how good they are and how fast you are to get things done and all that shit.
Okay.
Or you'll be put on little teams of people that end up being little cliques of their own.
So I was one of the grunt type people that just carried shit around, pushed crates onto the truck, off of the trucks, that kind of shit.
And was known for being on time.
That's really all it took.
But yeah, the Bono thing.
It's in the rules when you're going on tour with somebody.
It's in the rules that you read of conduct.
And everybody has pretty much the same kind of conduct, but different bands will have different specific things in there for the crew.
And one of Bono's is that you cannot make direct eye contact with him or anyone in his band.
And if you do, you will be pointed out and you will be thrown out right then and there.
Wow.
What has to happen to you as a performer over the years that you would have a rule like that?
Like, I know myself, I would never make someone not, you know, tell them that they can't make eye contact with me.
So what has to happen to me after all those years to make me make may want people who work under me not to look at me?
So they have such contempt for the commoner.
It's like a common man or woman.
A god complex, or they're just so self-aware or not unself-aware.
What's the word I'm looking for?
Absorbed.
Absorbed with themselves, or they just don't want to deal with people.
I don't know.
It's medieval.
It's from medieval royalty.
They used to do that shit.
I'm sorry.
They used to do that.
No, you can cuss as much as you'd like.
All right.
All right.
Well, I thought, well, okay.
This is a thought I was just kind of having.
After being in that world for so long where that kind of thing was normal, it is so refreshing to hear a normal person's appropriate reaction to that.
That is ridiculous.
Who are you?
And your highness.
And what has happened to you in your life?
You think you're so special that people can't, regular people can't make eye contacts.
It's the money.
So you know what I would do to get revenge?
Poke his eyes out.
Fart.
At the end of every night, I would help myself to their hospitality room after everybody was gone.
Yeah.
And I would go in there and use the fancy showers and eat all the fancy food and just like mac out and glutton out and hang out on their couches and just had a good old time at the end of the night.
That's cool.
I didn't go out and party with the rest of them.
I'd wait until the party stopped and just there was always a backstage VIP party with the band and all their friends and nobody got back there.
But they would eventually clear out and leave their space behind where they were partying with all the leftovers.
You know what I mean?
That's interesting.
I was just distracted there for a second, so I lost.
I didn't hear the last part of that.
But basically, you were just taking advantage of the stuff that was left over after the band left, right?
Yeah, everything.
Yeah.
I have a roadie story.
I worked as a roadie for 10,000 Maniacs back in the early 90s.
Oh, fun.
For a day.
For one day?
Yeah, for a whole day.
They came and played at the college I went to.
And I wasn't really into the band, but I liked a couple of their songs.
And so I just volunteered to help.
And I've never seen anyone alienate their fan base the way that Natalie Merchant did that day because she came out and she's like, you guys suck.
You don't have a real school.
You don't even have a real mall here.
This place is ridiculous.
And she started, people started bowing her.
People just started leaving.
And I kind of had a sense that something was wrong when I showed up for duty or whatever.
And all the roadies were like making remarks about the music, like, music, just slit your wrist, too.
And they were making jokes about her.
Really?
And no one, basically, I think at that point, like, everybody had had enough with her.
And she wouldn't associate with the band.
And it was pretty sad.
So she was all high and mighty, huh?
Yeah.
And after the show was over, we started tearing down the stage.
And I've got this platform that the stage is made of that kind of folds up.
It's almost like a giant table.
And I'm walking out of the gymnasium, whatever they played in.
And she's standing there in the doorway smoking a cigarette, looking all precious in her little goth costume.
And I'm like, excuse me, can I please get through?
And she doesn't hear me.
And I repeat myself, excuse me, can I please get through?
And she still doesn't hear me, and she's sitting there smoking a cigarette.
Finally, I'm like, because this is heavy, right?
I'm about to drop this.
Because I'm me and another guy carrying this.
So, anyway, finally, I'm just like, would you please get the fuck out of my way?
And oh, I'm sorry.
But it was really just kind of disappointing.
You get excited about seeing somebody, and then they show up and they're just a massive asshole.
And I'm sure, like, I didn't even pay.
So I'm sure the people that dropped like 15 bucks, like college kids, were really, really pissed off because it was just like super insulting and annoying.
And there was like a two-week window where I was kind of into 10,000 maniacs.
That window closed at that concert.
That's why I never want to meet any of my heroes because you just know they're going to turn out to be a douchebag and just crush you.
I don't know if you've ever heard of this guy named Grantly Phillips.
Used to front for Grantly Buffalo.
I've met him probably three times.
He's always been super nice.
Yeah, I've met a lot of them that are really cool.
Lita Ford is really cool, actually, and really cool to her fans.
She seems like a cool chick.
She is.
She is really cool.
She is actually pretty much like that in person.
She's a cool lady.
I don't know.
I've met a lot of them.
Zach Wilde's pretty cool.
Yeah.
People.
That dude's fucking crazy, though, isn't he?
Yeah, he is.
Ace Freely is a dick of epic proportions.
Oh, my God.
That's not much of a surprise.
Yeah, that doesn't imagine anything.
I've seen him throw beer cans at fans that were like half drunk.
He's drinking the beer and just tosses it at somebody he doesn't like walking by.
Really?
Yeah.
Wasn't Ace Fraley like a lot of people.
Surprisingly very nice.
I don't know.
They're not all assholes, but many of them are.
The bigger they are, the bigger the attitude, it seems.
What was that, BW?
You said you said something?
Wasn't Ace Fraley one of the guys that got electrocuted by his guitar back when that was still an issue?
Like in the 70s?
I think a lot of dudes got electrocuted by the PA systems in the 70s.
Ace might have been one of them.
I hope he did.
Well, maybe there's footage of that somewhere on the intertubes.
There's hope.
There's hope.
Zach Wilde, I remember watching some interview where he said that he would do an entire tour or at least half a tour without even washing, wearing the same leathers for the entire tour.
Or at least part of it.
Yeah, he'll have people hose him off, though.
Really?
Yeah, for real.
Get a hose or find some water anywhere where you can turn a water spigot on outside and he'll just put his head under it and shake his head all around like a dog.
It's hilarious.
So much fun.
Yeah, but he's a nice down-to-earth kind of person.
He doesn't pull that shit.
I mean, you still don't break the rules that are put down, but they're not like wipe my ass royalty kind of rules.
You know, it's like be on time, do your shit, and we'll leave you alone.
Yeah.
So, but yeah.
You know who else is cool?
It doesn't really help me pay the bills now.
Yeah.
You know who else is cool?
It's Kristen Hirsch.
Kristen Hirsch, who is that?
Throwing Muses.
I think that some of those people you're mentioning being cool is probably because we've never heard of them.
Hmm.
Yeah, I've never heard of Christian Hirsch.
Kristen Hirsch?
Yeah.
You've heard of Throwing Muses, though, haven't you?
No.
No.
Well, I'm sheltered musically.
I'm sorry.
What kind of music is it?
It's like an early alternative.
Yeah, no.
Like 80s alternative music.
Nope.
Not ringing a bell.
Well, all right then.
Thanks for ruining the show.
No, but I still came pre-working.
I'm doing now, so please tell us.
Kristen Hirsch, well, her sister was in Belly.
Have you guys heard of Belly?
Nope.
No, tell me again.
Yeah, I've heard of Belly.
I have.
Go ahead.
I have nothing to say to you.
Shameless name dropper.
So, who me?
I would agree.
That's me.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, Redak, did you got anything else?
Tons of shit.
I mean, it's your show, though.
I mean, what do you guys have?
What do you want to talk about?
What's on everybody else's mind?
Don't put us on the spot there.
Yeah, how dare you?
What are you trying to do?
Run the show?
No.
No.
Trying to hand it to you.
You know what?
I have a.
I got a call this week, and it was from an Indian service that is located in India, I believe.
And they try to help you with your computers.
They told me that I had some sort of a problem with my computer.
And I was able to get my George Norrie soundboard up and running quick enough.
And I was able to actually prank these guys with the George Nori soundboard.
So you want to.
Did you tell them that you were going to record them before?
Because I think that's wrong.
No, I did not tell them.
Oh, you got to tell them the call is going to be monitored.
Am I going to get in trouble now if I play this?
You're going to get so soon.
Hit it.
Put it on.
All right.
Okay, so here it is.
It's kind of long.
It's like 10 minutes long.
So I think it's worth it.
I think it's worth it at the end.
So here we go.
Calling you from Windows Technical Department in regards to your Windows home computer.
Okay.
Yeah.
And the reason I'm calling you, sir, is that to make you aware of this, your computer is sending some error reports and warning maps to our Windows Global server.
And this is indicating that your computer has downloaded some malicious files and programs and hidden judges which are badly handled in this area.
Is this about computer?
Yes, sorry.
Could you?
I'm not really the one to talk to about this, but I have my uncle George is here.
Can I have him come on the phone so he can listen to?
So he can help you.
So you are not the main user and owner of the computer, sir?
No.
But George is an urgent emergency call for the computer because your computer at high risk and might be crashed down at any point of time.
Get on the phone, George.
It's about computers.
Get on the phone.
He's kind of slow, but he can talk to you.
How are you?
How are you?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Good.
Thanks.
So, sir, the reason I'm calling you is that to make you aware of this, your computer is sending some error reports and warning messages to our Windows Global server.
Okay.
This is indicating that your computer has downloaded some malicious files and program which are badly hampering the inbuilt security of your computer.
And your computer system has badly corrupted through this online infection.
And regarding this problem of your computer, we are from Windows Technical Department.
We have called you up today.
Okay?
So this is an emergency security checkup call for your computer.
Right.
So I do believe that you are the main user and owner of your computer, correct?
Yeah.
So as I have already told you, sir, that this is an emergency security checkup your computer.
So I do believe that you are in front of your computer right now for the checkup.
Yeah.
Okay.
So is your computer turned on, sir?
Yeah.
Okay.
So what do you exactly see on your computer screen?
I don't understand your question.
Okay.
What do you exactly see on your computer screen?
George, what do you see on the computer screen?
He has it on.
He's kind of slow.
We kind of call him retarded.
So sometimes he doesn't answer questions right.
I can help him.
He's at the main Windows screen right now.
All right.
Is that right, George?
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Go ahead, sir.
So now have a look on your keyboard towards extreme left-hand bottom.
Do you see the CTRL key control key?
Okay.
So just next to control key, which key do you see?
Okay.
No.
Beside the control key, which key do you see explain that again.
Okay.
So have a look on your keyboard towards extreme left-hand bottom.
Do you see the CTRL key control key?
Yeah.
Okay.
So just next to control key, which key do you see?
George, which key do you see?
Do you know what he means?
Yeah.
He's half a retard, sir.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to help him.
I think it's the Windows key.
Is that what you're getting at?
All right.
Okay.
Now, George, please listen and answer his questions, okay?
Yeah.
Okay, go ahead, sir.
So just do one thing.
Press that four flag Windows logo key with one of your finger, only the four flag Windows logo key.
Press it and hold it down.
Okay.
And while holding it down, press the letter R R as an Romeo.
Okay?
Yeah.
So what comes up on your computer screen?
And I cannot comprehend all this happening.
What about you?
Yes.
So what can you see on your computer speak, sir, on pressing Windows and R?
I think you're right.
No, no.
What can you see on your computer screen?
New one?
Do they look the same?
George, answer the question, George.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, sir.
What was your question again?
Okay.
So when you press the Windows logo key and R both at the same time, what do you see on your computer screen?
Do it, George.
Coming up new.
Tell him what you see.
You've got to do something.
I can't do anything.
I'm not in the same room as you, George.
What do you see, sir?
Yeah.
What can you see on your computer screen?
Is that new one on pressing Windows?
Well, very good.
Now let's talk a little bit about what you mean.
Okay.
So just pressing the Windows key and R, what do you find on your computer screen, new one?
I don't know.
He's taking off his pants now, sir.
I'm sorry.
I'm not sure exactly what he's trying to do.
But what was your question again, sir?
I'm very sorry.
Okay.
So press the Windows logo key and hold it down.
And while holding it down, press the letter R, R as in Romeo.
Okay?
Yeah.
So now what comes up?
What can you see on your computer screen?
New one?
Do they look the same?
I don't know.
I don't know, sir, if he's doing this or not.
But what is he supposed to see?
So do you see any run window coming up on your computer screen?
Yeah.
So what is written inside it?
Okay.
Can you read that?
What is written there?
I don't think anything's written there, sir.
Well, what's written there is giant boobies.
He's typed in giant boobies.
See, sir, he likes to search the internet for porn and things like that.
So I'm terribly sorry, sir, but does he need to type something in there?
Yeah, George, it's really funny.
This man is trying to help you, and you're being a jerk.
So please listen to him and help him answer his questions.
Go ahead, sir.
I'm sorry.
Indeed.
Just type there.
E as an echo.
Yeah.
Okay.
Then E as an echo once again.
Okay.
Then M as a Nancy.
Okay.
Then T as in Tiger.
My God.
Then B as an Victor once again.
Yeah.
Then W as in whiskey.
Okay.
Then R as in Roger.
I think you're right.
So could you spell that for me, what you have actually typed in there?
Good point.
What you have typed there?
It has to have started somehow.
It is bizarre, to say the least.
Sir, are you still there, sir?
Oh, dark.
He got frustrated with George.
George, you son of a bitch.
How dare you?
I know.
I didn't even get to my goatsy question.
It is remarkable what's there, and it does make you wonder about the process and how it all started and everything else.
For you, what has been the most amazing thing that has happened to you with all this?
It's a gabcast, everybody.
Oh, my God.
That is tearful.
We're going to have to dispatch paramedics to unscreen call her.
Yeah, I think so.
Oh, is she having a problem?
She's going to die.
She's going to die laughing.
Yeah, yeah.
Absolute Gab Costco.
Well done, Dude.
Thank you.
It worked out pretty good, but that guy sure was dedicated to that script, wasn't he?
He was going to get right through that script if it was going to kill him.
He was never going to get upset with the customer, never going to raise his voice.
Yeah.
So what was he asking you to talk about?
He was trying to get me to go to...
I've had a call like this before.
This was years ago.
They try to get you to go to the, and we've actually talked about this scam on the show.
They try to get you to go to the event viewer in Windows, and they show you the critical errors and the regular errors that every PC gets, and they tell you that that is a problem.
Yes, exactly.
They make you think there's a problem when there really isn't.
And then they say, hey, by the way, we can fix this problem that isn't really there for a nominal fee.
I've never gotten that far in the phone call.
But I mean, they could get a hold of your computer too, because I think they actually tried to remote control into your machine at some point during the call.
But I didn't know how I was going to do that with George.
Oh, you did an excellent job, sir.
Thanks.
Thanks for that.
That was beautiful work.
Well, thank you.
Yes.
And good for messing with them.
That's a dirty trick to be pulling on people.
Some people might be dumb enough to go for it.
That's what really bugs me.
They deserve it.
The people that don't know that much about computers.
They see if this guy called some Southern Baptist, some old Southern Baptist.
Wait, hold on there a second.
You mean to tell me you can say what's on my computer here?
And that conversation would just last forever.
So that guy's probably had to work harder for, you know, to get the information he wanted.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Than he had to do with old Georgie.
Old retarded George.
He's half retarded.
Geez.
He's taking his pants off.
B-Dub actually wanted me to let him listen to it after I did it.
And he said, you should have.
What did you say?
I should have beat George.
I should have beat him with a stick.
Don't make me come over there and beat you.
Oh, yeah.
He beat this flat cherry right on top.
That would have been so funny.
But it's very, it's very Bateman.
It's very Ferris Bueller.
It's wonderful all around.
Thank you.
Yeah, I have no problem with you doing it to that type of caller.
Look, I feel sorry for the legitimate telemarketers, if there is such a thing as a legitimate telemarketer, but the people that are trying to rip you off or trying to get a hold of your computer or no, that's fair game.
Yeah.
Unleashed that.
Oh, yeah.
Take all their time as much as possible with stupid bullshit.
Any bullshit.
I would agree.
You're basically saving someone else from the dude was pretty patient, but he only gave me like 10 minutes.
I was considering maybe even cutting that down, that bit down a little bit, because 10 minutes is kind of long, but 10 minutes of comedy gold.
Yeah, that was good.
Could I just ask a technical thing?
What was your whole setup there?
Did they call your home phone, your cell phone?
No, they call my home phone.
And you were able to record that?
Well, what happened is they actually called a day earlier.
Some gal, she said her name was.
Hello, my name is What did she say?
Her name was some really American-sounding name.
Janet Smith.
Hello, this is Janet Smith calling Jan Brady.
That's the best thing about those calls, the names that they give themselves, the anglicized names.
Yeah, my name is Steve.
Not bad.
This is Bob.
But yeah, but yeah.
So Janet Smith called the day before, and I said, boy, I really want to talk to you, but can you call back tomorrow?
And she said, sure.
And so I set everything up.
I had my soundboard ready on my tablet and I put a phone tap on the phone and got it ready.
And sure enough, they called almost at the exact same time the next day.
And I was able to do it.
I think you found your calling.
I don't know if they'll ever call back.
I'd love to do this again, you know, but the only telemarketer calls I get are people that are basically like robo calls, you know, so you can't really fuck with them too much.
Right.
I used to love messing with the old ones that would call it MCI and Sprint and ATT when they were all fighting for long-distance plans.
I would keep them on the phone for as long as possible, an hour, just asking questions about the long-distance plans.
And, well, wait a minute, if I choose this one, do I get that feature or this feature?
And just do my best to see if I could possibly get them to show an emotion.
And if I did, then I win the game.
Really?
If you could get them to go off script or show any emotional anything at all.
Or, you know, call up AOL and say you want to cancel, mess with those guys.
Yeah.
Reducted, I think you have too much time on your hands.
Maybe you should have taken the number from that guy.
I know, I got a job instead.
How dare you?
I'm kidding.
No way.
No.
I'm sure if I wanted one, I could just walk out there.
I wouldn't have to go very far to get a weirdo's number, I don't think.
You know, I was reading on the site today, or the other day, and it said there was a study that eating human excrement reduces heart attack.
What the fuck?
Reduces heart attack?
Yeah, I think saying just so healthy.
Just eating small amounts of your own food is supposed to help stave off heart attack.
You must have been reading the same newspaper news site online I was reading.
I think I read somewhere that if you smell farts, that somehow boosts your immune system.
Who's writing this stuff?
Yeah.
Where is it coming from?
There's a poop conspiracy, Jazz.
Do you know anything about this?
Yes, I do.
If you listen to George Norrie, you will not go dead.
What?
Sure.
So my favorite expression, eat shit and die, is now eat shit and stay healthy.
Exactly.
And it's not true anymore.
I guess.
Can we like, do we have to cut that out?
Can't say that anymore.
Well, we probably can because this story is actually fake.
But there is another story that you referenced, redacted.
I think this is actually true, that there's certain chemicals in flatulence that is supposed to help the mitochondria of your cells to regenerate or I'm going to live forever.
I know.
So there's a reason that we fart.
It's to make us healthy.
There was actually a medical study.
The study was called, I read this off of the Huffin Post, but the study was done by the Medical Chemistry Communications, and there goes Dub.
Hey, he's healthy.
I feel great.
So everybody go out and just fart.
Yeah, I'm going to tell my wife now I've got the perfect excuse.
I'm just trying to save the family.
Honey, are you not feeling well?
Are you back to the bottom?
Well, I can even go up to weird dudes and smell their farts.
No, just on a health cake.
Just on a health cake right now.
Don't do that, redacted.
You'll get a reputation.
Don't do that.
Hey, my actor chick, man.
She came up to me and she was like, smelling my farts and stuff.
It was totally weird.
And I gave her my number, too.
Just in case, man, just in case.
I kept walking.
Kept walking.
Is there anything else you guys?
You guys have anything you want to talk about?
I wanted to get that shit and that fart story in to the gabcast.
I mean, it wouldn't be a gab cast without some sort of a poop story.
Yeah, well, I'm marveling in the fact that my daughter shares my love of farting and all things farts.
Exactly.
So the other day, I was reading her a bedtime story and she let one rip.
So I thought I'd teach her a lesson.
And do you know about the game Dutch Ovens?
Yes.
Well, I didn't.
Very familiar.
I got her the sheets.
I put it over her head and made her stay under the covers until she stopped breathing.
And I might be out of jail.
So you Dutch ovened your daughter.
How old is your daughter?
I know, but it was her own brand.
So I think that makes it not as bad.
So she Dutch ovened you?
No, no, no, no.
She dutched oven herself.
She does.
Well, I closed the lid, but it was her own stench she had to live with.
I've got to teach her to fart in my presence.
She's five.
That's all right, isn't it?
Oh, my gosh.
She was laughing when she came up for it.
Sure.
Oh, she thought that was a blast.
That's what I'm going to tell the judge.
Jasmunda, father of the year.
Exactly.
Yes, she wins.
That's not something I would have thought of.
That's funny.
I wonder when she grows out of that being amused by farts.
Or if she ever will, with a dad like Jazz.
No, never.
Probably not.
It's a source of entertainment for them for a lot of people.
Or material for lots of years of therapy.
Yeah, that too.
That would work too.
No, she'll forget when she's a teenager and have all her wild times.
And then when she's 29, she'll get this memory just flash into her head of being under a sheet and you both hysterically laughing at her fart.
She'll remember it.
And it'll be weird.
Well, hopefully, when it's time for her to put me into a home, she'll remember those times and not get me back.
She will.
She will get you.
She'll remember.
What she'll do is she'll bring you a box of chocolate-covered prunes and then nail the windows shut.
She won't need any help in that department.
Nice.
And then not change your depends.
You just make you sit there.
I'm going to make you lay there and remember.
That's the same as what happens in these days.
Anyway, BW, do you have something else today?
And I can't exactly believe that you would do that too.
B-W, you have something else?
No?
Did we lose B-W again?
I'm here.
I'm just waiting.
Hint, hint, hint.
Oh, I see.
I see.
I got you.
Okay.
Just hold on.
I'll start the spoil it.
I'll start the music right here.
Do we want to announce this or bring this in?
No, that would be too professional.
Okay, so I'll just want to do that.
So I'll just start the music and you'll do your thing, huh?
All right.
I'll take your silence as a yes.
A new segment where we feature a highlight from the previous week.
Hello, welcome to Master Post Theater.
This week, Master Post Theater features posts from Jazz Munda.
I once posed the question on the Gabcast: that if we hate the majority of the guests that have been on Art Show, then why do we listen to art so much?
I guess that says more about Art Bell and his style than it does about the guests that we detest.
There was something magical about art, particularly his show in the 90s that made listening to guys like Dames and Hoagland palatable.
It was art that kept drawing me back in when these clowns were pushing me away.
This is further evidenced by a hack like Norrie being unable to hold on to a majority of listeners from the house yonders of Art Bell.
I can't think of many or any broadcasters who have a community that vigorously search for and share broadcasts, but are nearly 20 years old.
Hopefully in 20 years' time, we will be saying George Huitt, and I'm sure we will be still scouring the net for broadcasts of arts, even if they do include interviews with Hoagland and Dames and Company.
Thus concludes this week's Masterpiece Theater.
I bid you a fine idea.
I'm going to read all of my posts in that voice from now on.
But well talk, sir.
Very nice.
I did pretty good until I got to the end there and I just totally impacted.
I was picturing you looking exactly like the queen.
So what threw me off was hopefully the phrase, hopefully in 20 years time we will be saying George.
Instead of George who, I wanted to say George, what the fuck?
Ah, you hesitated.
Don't hesitate, dude.
Well, it's the first time that we've tried that bit, so I think it did a good job.
I like it.
I like it.
So is this going to be Master Post Theater?
Is this going to be a bi-weekly thing?
Segment.
We'll find out.
It might be.
We'll find out.
Okay.
If we don't get cancelled in the meantime.
Indeed.
We will get cancelled.
So you're going to pick different posts once in a while that stick out at you as master posts.
Yeah.
That's the idea.
I was going to try and do a couple.
But yeah, so I just use Jazz Mundos because frankly, it's a pretty good post.
Thank you.
There were several people.
Whoa, Jazz actually had something serious to say.
Sometimes my real life persona comes out on the air, and that was one of those times.
So what happened?
Were you sober?
I was.
The rest of the time, that's just my persona that I portray on Bellgab.
It's not actually me.
I mean, I'm not me now.
That's somebody else.
It's kind of like a Ziggy Stardust for Gabcast.
Yeah.
You should see what I'm wearing.
Is it a kangaroo costume?
Indeed.
Indeed.
Jazz starts talking about what he's wearing.
I think that's exactly the time that we need to wind the show down, everybody.
Hey, thanks, Redacted, for joining us tonight.
We appreciate it.
No problem.
Take care, guys.
See you around the forum.
There's also other shows on UFOShip.com.
The spec sheet, I believe that's on tomorrow night.
And Redacted is on the Fret Files, Eric Daw, Guitar Repair Podcast.
I hate doing these liners.
Not hate, but I just am terrible at doing these liners.
I'm so irritated right now.
I'm so irritated.
I'm so pissed off.
God damn it.
Okay, so this has been the Gabcast.
Thanks for listening, everybody, and we'll see you next time.
Good night.
Have fun changing your pants, everyone.
Got your hands off my payos!
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