All Episodes
Previous Next
June 2, 2014 - GabCast Bellgab.com
53:36
02 June, 2014

02 June, 2014 ---------- A surprise edition of the GabCast! Only the punctual members of the GabCast discuss pranking telemarketers, mean tweets and an ex-forum member's unique brand of bullshit. Onan finally shows up just in time to say goodbye. Three out four GabCasters agree: this is a prerecorded GabCast.

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
The Gabcast, a podcast about Belgab.com.
Visit ufo ship.com for live streaming and chat.
Hey, everybody, it's a Gabcast.
Yes, it is.
It is.
I'm Eddie Dean.
We've got Onan.
Oh, no.
Onin isn't here tonight, is he?
No, he's not.
We've got B-Dub and Jazz Mundu with us.
What we are doing is this is not a live show right now.
We are actually pre-recording this show just to test it out.
And what we'll do is we will play this show Monday in our normal time slot on the Mondays that we have off and give you guys a little extra content there.
And then we'll be back live on June 9th.
How's it going, guys?
It's going.
It's going.
Are we going to have our legal department read something before we start it?
Oh, yes, you're right.
Almost forgot about that.
Let me stop this music here.
Okay.
You might need to use the sexy music for the legal department.
The Gabcast is not legally responsible for your feelings.
Yes.
That's important.
But yeah, the Gabcast is not legally responsible for your feelings.
Because there tends to be a lot of butthurt, especially this week on Bellgab.
I don't know if you guys want to actually get into that or if we should talk about it.
The meltdown.
The meltdown and the subsequent banning.
I don't know.
And I don't even know if he's actually banned or not.
I just know that.
I'm thinking he is because he didn't stop posting until MV was like, all right, I've had it.
Yeah.
And Envy does that.
He will warn either publicly or possibly in a PM.
He'll warn maybe once or twice.
And after that, if it's still a problem, then Envy will usually post something like, you know what, fuck it.
And after that, the guy is banned.
That's been my observations anyway.
I was banned once for about 15 minutes.
Really?
What did you do?
Good question.
What'd you do?
Do you guys remember there was a jackass who I can't remember his name, but he would post like a picture of like he's fancied himself a painter, so he would have his paints outside.
He was like in southern France or something.
Yeah.
He's like, you fools with your jobs.
This is where I work.
And he has like a photo, a picture of his paints and his easel set up, and he's on the side of some mountain or something in France.
And it's like, aha.
And I just, I basically made the mistake, the classic mistake.
You're not supposed to feed the trolls.
And I fed the troll.
And then as a consequence of that, I created a bunch of work for Michael because he had to go around and delete all these posts.
Because we basically were having like a little post-war.
So you guys were like flaming each other?
Yeah.
It got out of hand.
What were you going to say, Jazz?
No, I just wanted to know if Be Dub read the sign before he entered the forum about feeding the trolls.
Was there a sign back then?
I might be the reason why there is a sign.
Oh, yeah.
But he banned me and then I was just out of day.
You cut out there a little bit.
Just don't make a habit of doing that.
Yeah.
Do you remember what your initial comment was?
No.
No.
No clue.
It was stupid.
It was dumb.
It was just, the guy was a jackass, and it was just obviously some douchebag that was probably a trust fund kid.
What did you do?
What did you have to do to get your account reinstated?
No, he just turned it back on.
Did MV warn you or did he just ban you and say, hey, you're gone?
How did that actually work?
He banned me and said I'm called me an asshole or something.
And then like later, like a couple hours later that day, I noticed I still had access to the forum and I was like, look, I don't know if you realize this or not, but I can still post.
He's like, yeah, I banned you, but then I realized I was just having a shitty day.
So I let you back in.
He's like, don't worry about it.
My gosh.
So you've gone from being banned to being one of the inner circle of MV's click.
Apparently.
Yeah, you're inside the click, man.
I've got a Bell Gab black American Express card.
Nice.
Yeah.
Nice.
That costs you to use.
It costs me hundreds of dollars every year to use.
I don't know why.
The percentage rate is like 50%.
And that's per week.
Well, the thing is with the American Express is you have to pay you have to pay it off every month.
Right.
And then you have to pay a premium to keep it in your wallet.
That is a credit card for rich people, people that can afford to pay their bill every month.
Yeah.
Plus pay the service fee or whatever that is.
Well, they used to be the only credit card that would give you like a breakdown of your expenses for a year.
So you could just take that and hand it to an accountant and they would do your taxes and say, we're going to write off this, this, and this.
But everyone does that now.
Yeah.
So it's not so unique anymore.
Does everywhere in the States accept American Express?
Because we have a lot of places here that will accept American Express, but will charge you a surcharge to use it.
Whereas if you use Visa or MasterCard, you can just use it without a surcharge.
Yeah.
Do you keep cutting out people?
Yeah, you cut out for me.
I cut out for both you guys.
So maybe I'm having problems.
Maybe it's my router where we're having.
It is your fault.
It could be my fault.
You know, my knee-jerk reaction is to blame everybody else first, especially on this show.
And then I usually realize that it's my fault after all.
So do you guys get telemarketing calls?
All the time.
We actually have in Australia, you can put yourself onto a do not call register.
And I don't know if you guys have that in the States.
We do.
But it doesn't seem to work.
It doesn't work here either.
No, it doesn't work here either.
There is a national do not call registry, which I am on for my home.
Well, let me ask you this first.
Do you guys both have home phones or just cell phones?
I have home and cell, but rarely use the home phone.
I have a home phone, a cell phone, and a business phone.
Okay, so do you get telemarketing calls through all of those services?
Yes.
I don't get any on my phone.
I'm on my mobile.
Oh, yes.
No, I do get on my cell phone.
Okay.
I don't get any on my cell phone.
But what I do on my cell phone is every time I get a new number, well, first of all, I don't answer numbers if I don't know who it is.
I'm paranoid that way.
But if I sometimes what I do is if I get a call from a number I don't know, I go on the internet, I put the number in, and often a site will come up that says, who calls me from this number?
That's what the site's called.
And it'll often say that this is a telemarketing call or some scam or something.
So what I do is I immediately put that, I've got a, in my contacts list, I've got a thing called do not answer spam.
And I just add that number to it.
So if they ever call again, denied.
I don't get very many telemarketing calls on my cell phone.
I've maybe gotten one or two, but it's mostly on my home phone.
And the national do not call registry absolutely does not work, but they use some sort of workaround where they spoof their numbers, you know, the caller ID numbers, or they use robo calls.
And in order for you to actually talk to anybody to tell them to put you on their do-not call list, you know, the company-wide do-not-call list, you know, you have to press a number.
And then when you actually get to talk to somebody, you know, they're all pissy.
Or as soon as you say, could you put me on the do-not call list, they hang up on you right away.
So I've gotten calls, oh boy, I get like eight or nine calls a day sometimes, depending on the time of year.
And it comes in like in waves.
You know, sometimes I won't get a call at all for weeks.
And then I'll have a couple weeks where they're calling three, four times a day, and that's each company.
So I really don't know what the fuck to do other than just to change my phone number.
Do you ever consider just playing with them and or do you just hang up?
Yeah, I used to do that.
I used to fuck with them.
But now I'm just bored of it and I just don't even answer the phone.
I even take my answering machine offline and just let it ring, ring, ring, and hoping that the companies will somehow take my number off of their registry.
But do you guys know where they actually get all the phone numbers?
They probably get those phone numbers from the do not call registry.
The government sells it.
So how would they do that?
I don't know.
Oh, you're just joking.
They say like maybe they could hack the database somewhere, but I know where the if you ever fill out a form for a promotional offer or I mean, if you give your information to anybody.
Yeah, I try to not do that.
You know, especially like I've got a Yahoo email address that I sign up for everything on the internet with that email address just so that my regular email address doesn't get spammed.
Yeah, and you know, they have those supermarkets have those discount cards that they sell your numbers.
I've learned to, if I ever want one of those discount cards, I'll just write some stupid name.
My name is Mike Hunt.
And my number is, you know, I just make up a number.
Usually it's a 555 or something just to get the actual card.
And they never check.
You know, I'm sure when whoever enters that information into their database, they just throw the card away when they realize that it's bullshit.
And, you know, they don't disallow use of that discount card either.
Me and a buddy would do our best pranks and record them and play them for each other, you know, with telemarketers that would call in.
And we'd see how long we could keep them on the line.
We'd tell them outrageous stories.
Like there was this one time, I can't remember what the company was, but there was a woman.
And I pretended that, you know, I let her go through her script and her spiel for a little while.
And while she was reading her script, I got out my electric drill and a hammer and a bunch of tools and stuff, metal tools.
And while she was trying to go through her script, I'm making all this noise in the background, you know, with a drill and I'm hammering and all this stuff.
And she finally said, what are you doing?
And I said, oh, my TV just died.
So I'm trying to fix it.
But go ahead, you know, with your script.
She kept going and I'd kept interrupting and trying to make as much noise as possible just to see.
And she'd get louder and talk louder and louder.
And then I'd stop her and tell her, well, I just got to take the back off the TV now.
And I'd, you know, make, hit the screwdrivers together and just make all sorts of noise.
Finally, I told her, hey, I got my television working again.
And I turned on the raunchiest porn tape that I had.
And she says, okay, thank you, sir.
Goodbye.
And she hung up on me.
And I actually recorded that whole thing.
But I don't know where that recording is or I'd play it for you guys.
But it was pretty funny.
We used to really fuck with people like that.
Have you guys ever done that?
I remember when I was 11, 10 or 11, I got a phone call from some guy that was trying to sell me exercise books from Time in Life.
It was like a Time Life series on exercise.
And he kind of went on and on for a little while about the books.
And eventually he asked me if I was interested in them.
And at that point, I just started, I acted like I was crying.
And then I told him I was paralyzed from the waist down.
Did he feel bad about it?
I don't think he did.
I don't think he actually believed I was actually paralyzed.
I was like, I can't walk.
I'm in a wheelchair.
I would love to be able to exercise, but I'm paralyzed, you son of a bitch.
Yeah.
And that's why I'm a jackass.
What about you, Jazz?
You ever fuck with telemarketers?
Well, I used to feel bad, you know, and used to let them go through their whole schmiel and all that.
And, you know, and then I just sort of got very tired of it.
And I would either just, you know, just hang up on them or go, no, speak English, no English, no English.
Me no understand.
But I never did anything as elaborate as pretending to watch porn.
You cocksucker.
Yeah, that was my best one.
I can't remember some of the others I did, but basically just stringing them along as long as possible just to piss them off.
And, you know, now I kind of have a different perspective.
And the reason that I don't fuck with them now is because I just don't have the time.
I don't feel like it.
But also because these people that call, you know, they're working for a boss and the company makes, or not makes them.
The company is paying them, you know, not very well to make all these calls.
And the people that they actually talk to most of the time are pissed off.
You know, give them a hard time.
It can't be very fun to work as a telemarketer.
No, that would be soul crushing.
It really would be.
I think if you could look up soul crushing in the dictionary, they have a job, a description of that job and a picture of someone with a phone, a headset, talking to somebody on the phone and crying.
Yeah.
I knew a girl once that worked in a telemarketing center, but she took calls, people ordering something off of one of those infomercials in the middle of the night.
Have you guys ever worked as a telemarketer?
No, I never have.
A bunch of my friends used to, but not my.
It really is the worst.
I did that for a day, and then I just quit and never went back.
You know, I know somebody else that possibly should quit and never come back.
What?
Yes, George.
Who could that be?
Whatever.
He's running the biggest telemarketing scam out there.
No.
Yeah, he sure is.
Costicos is really just a bunch of telemarketers.
Related to this subject, I was searching on YouTube and I found a bunch of videos.
I guess it's a thing now.
It's called scam baiting, where these people basically prank the scammers.
I found another one that sounded really familiar.
Basically, what they do is they call you and tell you that your computer has some sort of a virus on it.
They have you browse to the event viewer in Windows, and any errors, minor or large, that happen show up in that event viewer.
And are you guys still there?
Yeah, so you're basically saying they fool you into believing there actually is something wrong with your computer.
Yes, and they use the event viewer, the little orange or the yellow triangles or the red dots or whatever those errors are.
They use those as proof.
And for a fee, we will fix it for you.
But first, they try to actually gain access to your machine.
So I found these guys that were actually recorded one of these calls.
So it's a long call, but I'll only play just a few minutes just to give you a taste of it.
So here it is.
Go ahead and malicious junk files or errors or warnings that are present in your computer.
It's only if there is anything serious with your system, then our certified technicians take care of that at a nominal cost.
But that is only if there's something serious is there.
Otherwise, not a single pound.
Basically, which is the one you connect to the internet most?
My black one.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that these guys called a tech support company.
So who they're talking to are actual experts in computers and viruses and all that stuff.
So it kind of puts it in a funnier context.
Oh, you're downloading stuff like online games, music.
Yeah, when you open up your emails, you can see a lot of advertising spam because spam technically it's junk email.
And if you go and click on that, there are chances that any junk files or all these viruses, they can be penetrated into your hard disk.
That's how hackers work actually.
Where do I go now?
Yeah, okay.
Can we switch it on first?
Yeah.
Can we switch it on?
Yeah, you turn on the laptop and be in front of it.
And when it turns on, I believe it's already on, right?
Oh, can you see tongue from there?
How'd you do that?
How'd you do that?
It's called ESP, Extra Sensory Perception.
Can I get that from PC World?
No, you can get it only from me.
Right.
How much is it?
It's for free.
Free?
I'll have two.
Yeah.
So what you do is you have to go and click, single-click on the start menu.
Yeah.
Start menu, yeah.
Make a right-click on that.
Right-click.
And then you're going to drop down which says open explore search manage.
Yeah.
So click on manage.
Manage, yeah.
So basically what he's doing is he's telling him to go look at the event viewer.
And you can hear a bunch of this guy's buddies in the background laughing when he's really yanking this guy's chain.
There's another clip here where, and it's not the same guy, but the scammer called this dude that is also a computer professional.
And they went through this whole spiel and this guy basically called him.
You know, you guys are scamming me.
This is bullshit.
I don't believe what you're doing is right.
And the guy ended up hanging up on him.
And then a few seconds later, the scammer calls this dude back and this is the exchange that happened.
I'm actually a programmer.
And you know a lot of things about computers, am I right?
What's your point?
Okay.
So the thing is, you know how to hack a computer?
I will show you that how to hack a computer.
I myself is a Microsoft 35 technician.
So just take a look into your computer's keyboard.
I will just tell you two things.
All right.
If you will do that, your computer can clash down in front of your eyes.
Do you want to see that?
I know something.
I'm not at that joking.
Okay.
You can see the ESC, escape button, at the top, left-hand side.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, you just need to tap escape or release.
Okay.
All right.
Now, I believe that your left hand is in the escape button and you just keep pressing it.
Do not release it, all right?
Oh, sure.
Like I'm going to do that.
Oh, sure, all right.
Now look at your right-hand side, your right hand.
Finger in your ass and keep shaking.
Your computer will crash down.
All right.
Stick your finger in your ass.
You're very easily amused, aren't you?
So basically, the guy calls back and tells him to put his left hand on his escape key and hold it down and put his right hand in his ass.
Which I thought was pretty funny.
That was good.
I actually had a call a while back from a number and I put that number, and it was a number from the US, and I put that number into a search, and it turned out that that number was one of those exact numbers where they call you from India and tell you you have a virus on your computer.
And I was so upset that I didn't answer that call because I would have had a lot of fun with them.
Yeah.
You know, that company actually called me one time.
And at the end, when I confronted them and told them, you know, I know a little bit about computers and what you're saying is bullshit because there's no viruses being viewed in the method that you're saying.
And, you know, the guy started arguing back and forth, or we were arguing back and forth with each other.
And the guy actually had the gall to tell me that he was going to send me some sort of a legal, he was going to sue me for threatening him or for malpractice or some fucking crazy bullshit.
And I basically said, yeah, I'll be waiting for the letter, pal.
And he hung up.
And, you know, of course, I never got any letter or anything from the guy.
But.
Look, they're just hoping that they get some, you know, elderly woman or someone like my mom who knows nothing about computers and worries that if they've got a virus or something, that, you know, their computer is going to explode.
And, you know, people fall for it.
It happens.
That's exactly it.
They're preying on people that don't know any better, which pisses me off even more when they do this.
Now, I don't know how much these guys were charging, but I suppose technically you can say that they were providing some sort of service, even though it's based on total bullshit and a lie.
But I mean, they try to gain access to your machine.
They tell you to browse to a remote viewing site, or a not remote viewing, remote access site so they can gain control of your computer.
And I never allowed them to do that.
And none of the videos that I saw on YouTube allowed them to do that.
So I'm not sure exactly where it goes from there as far as what the scammers try to do.
You know, they could get your personal information.
They could do whatever.
Emails, you know, don't some hackers try and get you, you know, view your keystrokes.
So if you go to your banking site and put in your, you know, your account number and then your password, well, they've got access to your bank account.
Yeah, they could download a small program that sends all that information on to their servers and they have all of that information, you know.
Oh, and there's one more clip that I want to play from this guy called Tom Maby.
He's got a bunch of videos up on YouTube and he really does a good job in screwing with these telemarketers that call him.
So let me play that right here.
Yes, can I speak with Tom Mabe?
Who's calling?
Well, this is Mike Stewart with Network.
You've been selected to receive a complete digital satellite system for free.
With this, you're going to hold.
Let me ask you something.
Did you know Tom Mabe?
Were you a friend of his?
No, I'm not.
I'm just calling to one second.
Hey, guys, get really good pictures of the body.
Yeah, and dust everything down for print.
Mike, you there?
Yeah.
Let me bring you up the speed.
You've actually called a murder scene.
Now, Mr. Mabe is no longer with us.
I'm Officer Clark.
I'm conducting a homicide investigation.
I want to ask you a series of questions.
What was the nature of the business you had with Tom Mabe?
I had no business with him.
I'm sorry to bother him.
No, no, hey, hold on.
Look, I wanted to ask you to stay on the phone.
This call's already been traced, and we may need you to come in for further questioning.
You don't understand.
I'm just calling.
No, no, no.
You don't understand.
Unless you want to be charged with obstruction of justice, it's imperative you keep your ass on the phone, Mike.
Well, how about you just fuck with my supervisor?
No, no, no, look, look, look, we'll get your supervisor in a second.
First of all, give me your whereabouts.
I'm at work.
You're at work?
Yeah.
You being a smart ass?
No, sir.
Let me put it to you this way, Mike.
Say I wanted to mail your ass a letter.
What would I have to write on the outside of the envelope to ensure the mailman would deliver it right to your ass?
Geographically speaking, Mike, where is work?
47 West Street.
Now, hold on, that's 478.
Yes, sir.
Mike, hold on one second, all right?
Yeah.
Get the little police department homicide division on the phone.
Give him this information.
Tell him he's being a sock connection with a fatal shooting and aggravated robbery.
How did you know Mr. Mabe again?
Wait, you're calling the Littleton Police Department?
I'm hundreds of miles away.
I don't even know the guy.
I'm in Colorado.
Don't let that scare you.
That's just a formality.
Have you ever been to his place of residence?
No.
And tell me again, Mike, where were you last night between the hours of 8 and 10?
I'm not feeling real comfortable about any of this.
Have you even ever spoken with Mr. Maybe, Mike?
No, I haven't.
I don't even know the guy.
That's what I've been trying to do.
Okay, just calm down.
Calm down.
Hold on.
Look, just back up.
I got one more question for you, Mike.
As you well know, I'm sure, Mr. Mabe was a flaming homosexual.
And there's no easy way of asking that.
I don't want to embarrass you or nothing, but were you his gay lover?
What?
No.
Look, look, look, look.
Gay is your way.
That's okay.
I still know there's a lot of you gay people in that closet.
I'm not saying I haven't thought about myself.
Say I was in Las Vegas or something, a couple drinks, cute little Mexican midget.
This is embracing.
Caleb?
Another guy hangs up.
Yeah, the guy's name was Tom Mabe.
I think I said maybe, but if you guys want to check him out, I think he's got a bunch more prank phone calls on YouTube.
I mean, he really handled that pretty well.
I mean, he got the guy to give him his work address.
But he also broke the law.
Really?
You can't pretend to be a cop.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
I guess that's true.
You can't do that.
Even in a joking manner like that.
No.
You can't misrepresent yourself like that.
That's fraud.
That's imitating a police officer.
Yeah.
That's a world of butthurt.
Was it just about imitating a police officer?
Can you pretend to imitate a talk show host and get away with it nightly?
People do that nightly.
Yes.
Nice.
Thank you.
I'm here all week.
Right to set that up, man.
That was like really professional, Jazz.
That was great, man.
You set that up, and I'm like, wow, where is he going with this?
Oh, by the way, before I forget, we played a couple YouTube videos last week on the show of George Norrie.
It's like a George Norrie mashup.
And on Bellgab this week, Coaster chimed in and said, hey, thanks for playing my video.
So I had no idea that Coaster put those two George Nori mashup videos together.
So I wanted to give him credit and say thanks, Coaster, for putting those together.
Yeah, I actually knew it was someone from Belgab, but I just could not recall who it was.
But yeah, thank you.
They're amazing.
Yeah, they were really funny.
If you have any more, let us know and we'll definitely play them.
We love to give George a hard time on this show.
Yeah.
I mean, we only get stuff sent to us so we don't have to do any work.
Exactly.
And the only problem with having to put something like that together is that you actually have to listen to George Norrie.
So there is a downside to it.
That's right, George.
Good.
Thanks.
Let's see.
What else do you guys want to talk about tonight?
You know what?
I have a clip that we never got to last week.
The mean tweets, the celebrity mean tweets.
Yes.
You guys want to hear that?
Definitely.
Okay.
So, and this is from the what, the Kimmel Show?
Yeah.
And they have stars.
Jimmy Kimmel show.
And they have celebrities come in and read mean tweets about the actual celebrity.
Is that correct?
Is that how it worked?
Yeah.
So basically, they get, say, Julia Roberts in, and she reads a mean tweet that someone on the internet wrote about her.
And so she's reading out someone's tweet about her.
Minnie Kaling is not funny or attractive.
She has an inter- Okay, go ahead, B-W.
I started it prematurely.
What is the internet?
I keep hearing people talk about the internet.
What is that?
You made me stop the clip for that joke.
Sorry, man.
Whack, whack, whack, whack.
Where's my clip for that?
Damn it.
You need a butthurd sound effect.
I need a butthurt sound effect.
I thought this was it.
Ow!
Yeah, that's the one.
That could be.
That sounds like a butthurt.
That could be a good butthurt.
I'm looking for my other one, but I can't find it.
Ow, my ass.
Ew.
Okay, so here's the mean tweets clip.
Minnie Kaling is not funny or attractive.
She has an annoying voice and just plainly sucks.
Why does she have her own show?
I feel like this is more than 140 characters.
David Blaine looks like his voice is putting his face to sleep.
Ethan Hawk seems like a guy who wasn't supposed to be a movie star, but he slipped through the cracks and everyone was just like, okay.
Matthew McConaughey is a d turd.
Turd.
But the f ⁇ 's a d turd.
So Fiergana sounds like she has that in her mouth.
I hate hearing her talk.
What's wrong with having that d ⁇ in my mouth?
Too bad they don't give an Oscar for blowing ass because Matt Damon would win every year.
Or buy another zoo and live in it, born eyed head.
Hashtag no disrespect to Ben Affleck.
Oh, I learned something by that dick turd.
Oh, God.
Yes.
Oh, dear.
Are we going to talk about that now?
No, no, we don't have to.
I just thought that was funny because it was McConaughey and the way he delivered that was so true detective.
Yeah.
So that was pretty funny.
Well, in asking the question, what the fuck is a dick turd?
I went looking to see if there was an answer, and indeed there is.
And frankly, I'm kind of regret the fact that I now know what a dick turd is.
It's not pretty.
It's not attractive.
It's not appealing.
It's definitely not something you want to find out before lunch.
Yes.
But having said that, I implore everyone to go look up the meaning of dick turd.
Please don't.
Thank you.
This is a public service announcement.
Please do not Google Dick Turd.
This is a public disservice announcement.
It's like if you've been to Two Girls, One Cup or Tub Girl.
I'm happy to say that I haven't seen either one of those and I've avoided them.
I'm very lucky.
Go ahead.
It's that gross.
But there are no pictures that I'm aware of.
Although I'm sure there are.
So I'm going to stop talking about it.
Not yet.
Now the Gabcast email is going to be filled up with pictures of it.
Thank you.
Pictures of Dick Turds.
If you guys would like to email us pictures of dick turds, our email address is there.
Don't encourage them.
Or you can email a comment or talk to us either way.
You know, you can also get a hold of us and chat with us on bellgab.com or send us an email, and that is thegabcastemail at gmail.com.
I was going to say they could email us pictures of their vagina, but they could just as easily take a picture of an Arby's roast beef sandwich and send that in.
Oh, God.
That would be disturbing.
Vagina reference for the first time on this Gabcast.
Is it?
No, it's not the first time.
Well, first time tonight.
Oh, okay.
Are we going to talk about Mr. Fidget?
Yeah, I guess we can.
I was thinking about maybe waiting until we were live, but I mean, I suppose we can talk about Mr. Fidget.
He imploded, but I'm not surprised.
I don't think anyone is.
No, I think everybody saw it coming.
And as Forrest Gump put it so eloquently, that's all I have to say about that.
I've never used the ignore feature ever.
Yeah.
For anyone?
I've used it once before, and that person is now gone.
All the flame wars, all the back and forth insults, never.
Wow.
It was Mr. Fidget.
A lot of people were asking about if you could actually ignore, well, a lot of people.
One person that I saw asked if you could actually ignore an entire threat being insinuating that it was the Mr. Fidget thread.
I didn't have a problem with the guy.
Hell, I gave him, we all gave him airtime for however long he was on the Gabcast last week.
Was that 30 minutes?
Maybe a tad more.
I mean, I could have hung up on the guy right out of the gate.
But I wanted to give him airtime.
I wanted to find out more about Mr. Fidget and why everybody was or why that thread has taken off the way it has.
But when Mr. Fidget kind of, I don't know if it was a threat or I don't know exactly what it was, but he mentioned something about the show that he was on and some legal statute about impinging on his rights because we recorded his voice without his permission or some, I don't know, some crazy thing like that.
That's where I kind of drew the line because it felt like he wasn't directly threatening, but it was definitely passive-aggressive in my view.
And I was on Mr. Fidget's bandwagon, but I was supportive of Mr. Fidget until that point, until he starts threatening or being passive-aggressive towards this show that really only tried to help get the word out, which apparently that's exactly what he, or the only thing that he wants.
Just from what you said.
Have people listen to him?
Maybe that's it, yeah.
Or get his story known, no matter how convoluted or difficult it is to understand it.
I don't know.
I don't know what his story is, and I don't care.
I don't know what a fidget is.
I don't care to know what a fidget is.
When you ask someone, you give someone an ample opportunity to explain themselves, and they can't do it, and they can't, they say they want to do something like deliver said whatchamacallits to all the people that paid for them, but he can't.
And it's everywhere he goes.
It's, oh, yeah, I'd love to do this, but I can't because I'm a victim, and I'm a victim, and I'm a victim.
You just don't have any patience for that because, damn it, if you really wanted to find a way to do that, you would do it instead of making excuses.
And that's all he did.
And I lost patience with him pretty quickly.
Yeah, a lot of people have the same mindset that you do.
I mean, there are several people at Bellgab that are going back and forth with Mr. Fidget.
But I think that.
Well, not anymore.
I think he's been banned, hasn't he?
Yeah, I'm not sure.
But Michael certainly made it very clear that he did not approve of Mr. Fidget threatening the show or threatening Belgabrad.
You don't threaten a Gabcast.
Yeah, listen.
You just don't do that.
We know people over here.
It's like going into Tony Soprano's private residence, going into his own personal den, curting the cheese.
You just wouldn't do that.
You never insult the Gabcast.
Do you hear me?
Never, you never.
We know people, okay?
We can have things done to you that you wouldn't believe.
We would stick them fucking fidgets in places you'd never even realize a fidget could be stuck in.
So don't fuck with a gap cast.
Don't fuck with a gap.
That was pretty good.
Thank you.
Thank you.
That was impressive.
I thought you sounded like Eddie Murphy from Coming to America when he plays that 80-year-old Jewish guy.
Oh, yeah.
So you didn't, I was picturing that guy, so you didn't really sound so threatening to me because I thought I could have pushed you over with my finger.
You were giggling about it.
You know what?
I actually put Coming to America on my Netflix playlist just yesterday.
Wow.
I know.
I've seen the movie.
I've seen a movie a hundred times, but I felt like I wanted to reminisce about the good old days.
And I actually put Beverly Hills cop on my playlist.
You just have a heart on for Arsenio.
Especially when he's dressed up as a woman.
Nice.
Oh, snap.
Nice.
Just let your soul glow.
That's just so go.
Yeah.
Man, that was a good movie.
Those guys get up and they have soul glow on their hair and it's all over the back of the chair.
It's a big stain.
I don't know if I've ever been able to sit through that entire film.
Really?
I love it.
I probably have, but it's been a long time since I've seen it.
Really?
Typically, once I've seen a movie, I won't go back and watch it again.
The exception is the Wes Anderson movies and the Cohen brothers.
I could watch those movies hundreds of times.
Beta, speaking of where's Anderson?
Did you see his latest film?
No, not yet.
You should say it.
Which movie is this?
It's the Grand Test?
Yeah.
It's, yeah, if you're a Wester Anderson fan, it looks pretty good.
Yeah.
You know, I've got a.
This is not me doing an impression, but it's a pretty solid one.
If I post a YouTube clip in the chat window, Skype window, can you play that so that people can hear it?
I have to transfer it over to my other machine because the machine.
So, yeah, I would not be able to play it.
That's unfortunate.
Well, I could copy.
No, I can't copy-paste between two machines.
What about if you post it on Bellgab?
Yeah, I could do that.
If you post it on Bellgab, I could play it from there.
Let me browse to Bellgab here.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Stand by.
We're having technical issues.
You guys got me laughing that I'm not even trying to go to Bill Gap.
Laugh it so hard.
I'm looking for some music to play underneath.
You guys are doing a great job.
Stand by.
Please continue.
Technical difficulties.
There's a guy that looks all drunk with a bottle in his hand.
I think that's from The Simpsons.
The Simpsons.
Okay, so where am I going again?
Where did you post it?
I'm just going to PM it to you.
Oh, so I got to log in?
Fuck.
Oh, are you kidding?
You actually log out.
Well, no, I never log into Bellgab on this machine.
Okay.
So that's why.
Oh, man.
And I can hear your butt hurt from here.
And to tell you the truth, I don't know if I remember my password.
Let's see if you say your password out loud on the air.
1-800 butt hurt.
Australians suck ass.
Off the asshole.
65 at symbol.
What is my password?
This is so unfortunate.
I'm sorry I asked the question.
Is it really worth all this trouble?
It better be with it.
It better be good.
It's pretty funny, but I don't know.
This is a giant pain in the ass.
I kind of figured that Eddie would have his shit together, but I don't know what I was thinking.
I got it.
I remembered it, everybody.
I remembered my password.
You know, I usually don't let my browser remember my passwords just for the fact that I'll forget them.
Luckily, I wrote them down somewhere, but I usually just like to type in my password every time, even though it takes me another five seconds.
If you died suddenly and your family had to come to your house to clear out all your stuff and they got onto your computer, what would they find?
Footlockers programmed.
Oh, here's the video.
Oh, no, it's actually an ad.
Damn it.
Do I have to actually answer the question?
No, what they'd find on my computer depends on what computer.
Recording stuff on one computer and a bunch of Bellgab stuff and pictures that I post on Bellgab and a bunch of show-related stuff on my other machine.
So, really, not a lot.
I'm not a big porn downloader.
Is that what you were getting at?
To me, I don't even understand why people do that because, like, why would you need to save porn to your computer when it's just everywhere on the internet?
Exactly.
Like, why would you ever save it to your computer?
Yeah.
Be dub, was I having that conversation with you online where we were joking about they should have a service that someone comes in and cleans your computer out if you happen to die?
You know what?
It would be like a part of the identity protection service.
Yes.
You know, that if you did die unexpectedly, the company that's been guarding your credit would send people out to your house to get rid of all the porn the porn and sketchy toys.
All your butt plugs.
We'll take all them, putting them in a garbage can and incinerate them right on the backyard property.
All the lube and the magazines, the crusted crusted underwear, Kleenex.
Oh, God.
So you need to devise a system where they're the first ones notified if you do happen to die.
Well, first, you'd have to tell them, is it a crime scene?
Yes or no?
If there's a crime scene, they're like, well, you know, we can't intervene.
He was killed with a dildo.
We can't remove that from the.
Perhaps you have a system where every couple of hours you have to SMS them or message them that you're okay.
And if not, they come straight to your house and begin the work.
No, what they do is they give it something similar to that, but it's not quite as sophisticated.
They give you a radio and they have you.
It's like an old-time CB radio and they have you do radio checks every three hours.
It would be like a number station that you have to text a number from the number station every two hours.
And of course, one day you would forget to do it and they would come back to your house and all your porn and all the cool stuff would be gone.
Your front doors kicked down.
I know.
Oh shit.
I dated that porn.
I was looking forward to that.
I had plans.
Damn.
And it's gone.
They took it all.
They thought I was dead.
You know, there's a lot of people that actually get busted for child porn or whatever when they take their computers into get it fixed.
I wish M. Vay was here because we could probably, he deals with computers on a daily basis.
It would be good to see, to ask him what he's found on people's computers.
Oh, man.
Well, when I worked for a printing company that provided computer services to the public for an hourly rate, you would see people in there with computers and they'd be looking at the most fucking heinous shit.
Really?
Just sitting there just looking at porn, jacking off.
At a public place?
Yeah.
In one of the stores.
And it was like one guy asked me for help, and I went over there and he had this, he had like a zip disc.
This is like 10, 12 years ago.
Help with what?
Yeah.
He was working with some graphic files.
He was like a graphic artist.
But he had this zip disc in the Mac, and he was, and you could see like a little picture previews of the image files.
And one of them was like a guy and a horse.
Oh, no.
And I was just like, I turned around and walked away.
Oh, no.
And at that point, I called my manager and I was like, look, this is what's going on here.
Can I kick this guy out of the store?
And she's like, no.
Really?
No.
Wow.
Well, there was also, there would be a couple of guys who would come in.
This guy, one dude owned a strip club on the west side.
And the west side of Dayton is predominantly African American and lower income.
Yeah.
And it is rough.
So strip club on the west side, basically you're taking your life into your own hands when you go there.
But anyway, this guy owned the strip club and he would come in with these porn mags and he'd be sitting over in the corner with the color copier and trying to figure out how to get the best, like make a poster, like a full-size poster.
Really?
These from these hard, like hardcore porn mags, but in the middle of the store with people around, and he's just sitting there holding up the porn bags, you know, trying to figure out, wow, how can I orient this so that I can get this booty as big as possible?
And one time he was in there, and I was helping these two, these like three, probably 12-year-old girls, something they were doing, like they wanted him to get a photocopy of their school pictures.
Yeah.
And then while I'm doing this, I look up and there he is with this, like, you know, any just take your pick.
Any hardcore porn magazine that you can think of.
Not even remotely tasteful.
Like hardcore porn magazine slash genological exam.
Bordering on like a urology textbook where they're just like, this is what, this is what genital arts looks like.
This is what the inside of a vagina looks like.
Yeah, exactly.
And I'm just like, dude, dude, I'm sitting here with these three 12-year-old girls.
Like, dude, you can't do that in here.
And he just looked at me like, what the hell is your problem?
Wow.
Yeah, it was just, it really kind of blew my mind.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Thank you for the story because it also gave us our obligatory horseporn reference.
Hall off the show.
Holospawn.
I need to isolate Jazz saying hold on.
Make that on the, put that on the soundboard.
Commander Rika, activate the horse porn.
There was somebody, the last place that I worked, there was somebody that was fired because the IT tech, which I was actually a good friend with him, found a bunch of porn that he was downloading off the T1 internet connection at work onto his work machine.
And I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you, man?
Why would you want to?
I mean, if you're downloading porn at work, you might have a problem with, you know, porn.
You know, you might be a dick.
That's a pretty clear indicator that you've got a problem.
If you lose your job because you can't stop looking at it, downloading it, collecting it, then that's a serious compulsive issue.
You might have a problem.
All right.
Is it worth playing this video now?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
The video that I'd forgotten about.
Yeah, the title is Christopher Walken as a nursery school teacher.
That sounds pretty good, actually.
Christopher Walken as a nursery school teacher.
Christopher Walken as a nursery school teacher.
Okay, kids, settle down.
No, I'm serious.
Quiet.
Oh, I see you, Timmy Watkins, standing there in the corner, taunting me with your eyes.
Big mistake, kiddo.
You're going down.
You see, I know your father, and he's a real bastard.
So you're going to pay the price.
I mean, sure, nothing's going to happen to you now here in class.
But later, maybe I'll find you on the monkey bars.
Or I'll wait until nap time when you're sleeping and I'll bounce.
Oh, what's the matter, Sally Cummings?
I see you there with your crocodile tears.
You think they have any effect on me?
You're sadly mistaken.
That guy does almost a spot-on Walker impression.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's pretty good.
Or Walkin.
That's Mark Amato.
Mark Amato.
He's hysterical.
I love that.
The idea of Christopher Walken as a nursery school teacher.
Yeah.
I love the when Walken was on Saturday Night Live and he did the Continental Man.
You guys remember those bits?
No.
He was like the sophisticated guy, and he was always trying to get chicks to come into his room to have sex with him.
But the girl was actually the camera.
So the camera guy was playing the part of the girl, and Walken was talking directly into the camera.
Yeah.
Yeah, those were really funny.
Where are you going?
And he'd have like chloroform and a bottle somewhere, and he was trying to lure him over to, you know, so he could.
He's wearing his little smoking jacket.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That's good stuff.
As a matter of fact, Owen has just joined us.
Hey, Onin, what's up, man?
Hey, guys.
Sorry, I'm late.
What's going on?
Didn't realize the time.
We were actually just winding the show down.
We're winding down.
Well, then it's perfect timing for me.
It's perfect for you to come in right at the end.
Sorry, guys.
I truly am sorry.
I didn't realize what time it was.
I was so busy.
Sorry, man.
We can record a series of responses or one-off comments and we can just chain them in.
Yeah.
Okay, let me start.
B-Dub, brilliant.
I agree completely.
Jasmunda, excellent point.
Eddie, as always, right on target.
Awesome.
You're just being obsequious.
Now we can add Onin into the entire show with those three comments.
Do you have any comments about dick tods?
And I'll take my answer off the air.
How do you feel about dick turds, sir?
Are you passionate about dick tods?
Oh, God.
Actually, I'm running on that platform, the Tea Party program.
No more dick tods.
I don't know why my guy has a cleft palate, but I guess he does.
Well, that's a side effect for turds.
So I think that is probably it.
Thanks for listening.
I spent too much time.
Thanks for listening to the GabCast, everybody.
I don't know what to say after that.
I'm Eddie Dean.
Thanks, Onin, Jasmunda, and B-W for joining me tonight.
And we'll see you next week, everybody.
Good night.
▲
Export Selection