Tom Segura and Mark Normand dissect Segura's harrowing DMT addiction, a terrifying 200mg Joey Diaz edibles coma, and past GHB overdoses requiring ICU care. They recount thrill-seeking stunts like NASCAR wall-riding at 170 mph and flying helicopters with his mother, while debating biological age scans showing a 38-year-old with a 23.4-year body. The conversation pivots to conspiracy theories linking Garth Brooks to missing persons, the rise of Andrew Tate's performative misogyny, and Alex's new Netflix series "Bad Thoughts," which features cinematic vignettes funded by his own pay-per-view platform before securing a deal. Ultimately, the episode blends chaotic personal histories with industry insights on comedy evolution and digital storytelling. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: CohereLabs/cohere-transcribe-03-2026, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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First Time With Tom Seguro00:04:26
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant.
Today, we are joined.
This is our first time.
It's crazy.
Yeah, this is wild.
Tom Seguro's on the pod today.
Tom is a wildly successful stand up comedian, podcaster, Italian bakery owner now.
Very true.
Okay.
Very true.
Which we'll get to this origin story.
He first exposed Garth Brooks as a serial killer, I think is very important that we know.
There's no sarcasm right there.
That's an allegedly, so we don't get sued.
So we don't either.
Very alleged.
He literally created the manosphere by propping up Andrew Tate.
That's confirmed.
You know that 100%.
He has a massive podcasting studio business.
There are all these things that he's managing.
And he lost weight in the worst time in history because nobody believes that it was an honesty.
I know.
And you did it honestly.
And not only that, my buddy Bert went on tour.
And on tour in arenas, he would be like, Tom Jabba Nozempic.
And I'm like, oh, he's spreading.
I was like, no.
Good job.
He said, good job, Bert.
But here's the thing he was like, I never would.
I would never do that.
I was like, yeah, but you're fat.
And then this year he lost like 50 pounds with Manjaro, with the shot.
And people think it's because he was running two and a half miles.
It's crazy he's alive, dude.
First of all, I love the 5K stuff that you guys are doing.
But it's funny, my buddy said, my buddy Tim, that I'll leave his last name out, he goes, I have a buddy of mine who just wants to get out of the house.
That's his thing.
So he started running 10Ks.
And he tells his wife, he's like, Yeah, you know, I'm into these 10Ks.
That's my thing.
I got to go to Sao Paulo and run a 10K.
You're going to Brazil to run five miles?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's crazy how much of a like I prepare every year to do the 5K, which is three miles, right?
Like I have to like, no, and then I meet people and they're like, Start running.
But I'm saying, like, I don't normally run.
So when it comes to running, I'm like, I hate this, but I do it.
Can't you just knock that out three miles?
Not out of, I mean, it's like running a midtown.
If it's like a if you want to actually like not walk at all, yeah, for me, no, I have to actually do some prep.
But I meet people who are like, what, you know, and they go, that's like a warm up.
I go, not to me, dude.
I think the whole point is anyone can do it.
Yeah, I think a mile, yes, for me, once I get into like two and three, I can't just do it out of, I can't, I can't.
How much you running?
Nah, but I could do that.
I honestly believe that I could do a marathon.
No, I mean, walking.
No, In what time frame?
I think on a slow jog, downhill, I could get.
Yeah, I'm not going up.
With a bike.
No, no, no wheels.
No wheels.
I could do it honest.
But I think I could do it.
So I think you could do the three miles.
15 minute mile?
Like where?
I think I could do the three miles.
I could average it in an eight minute mile.
Really?
Right now.
That means you have really good cardio then.
I think I could do an eight minute mile.
Right now.
But eight minutes is not.
I mean, It's not elite, but it's not casual, dude.
Like, that's a pretty good pace.
When I was younger, I could do like a long amount, an average in the sevens.
Really?
I ran a five minute mile once.
Really?
Not 5 0, but within five minutes.
But that's why the three mile thing's laughable to you.
If you had a five minute mile.
Wait, what?
Why would I lie about that?
If I'm going to lie, I would say that I ran a marathon in like two hours.
You ran a five minute bop.
I ran like 559.
558.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
That's fine.
That's fine.
It's a five minute bop.
How old are you?
Distinction, I was probably like 25 years old, 17 years ago.
No, no, no, I was in my 30s.
I was in my 30s, really.
Yeah, yeah, that's pretty fast, man.
Yeah, got runner legs, man.
Got runner legs.
Look at these things as I stretch them out.
Were you a good sprinter too?
Um, okay, not like incredible top speed, but like I could, I could, I could go.
Yeah, go.
Yeah, okay.
You caught up to that homeless guy pretty fast.
Oh, yeah, there was a homeless guy who called me in San Francisco.
We'll bleep that.
And then, uh, yeah, we had a you know, you can't call me that in San Francisco.
No.
I also think, too, when I. People might believe it.
Running A Five Minute Bop00:06:21
Exactly.
It's like anywhere else I would fucking go.
Did you catch up to him?
Yeah, I caught up to him.
Uphill.
Uphill.
What'd you say?
Fucking walked away.
The guy's like, oh, homies.
I got my senses to me.
And also, uphill is hard.
So by the time you get up there, you're like, I'm winded.
Yeah.
There's nothing like going on a run, though, and seeing like, like you're running, and then either like an old person or like an older, fatter woman goes past you, and you're like, nah, dude.
Oh, yeah.
And then you have to like, yeah, yeah, focus, man.
I'm like, dial in.
You're like, I can't let this happen.
Just get them rinsed.
Okay, listen, Tom, there's been a really important development.
The reason I started about all of your successes is because I wanted to let people know that despite all your successes, you have a crippling addiction to DMT.
I actually had to put that thing away.
So I'd heard about it for years.
Did you know that?
I did not.
This is not even fake.
I heard about it for years.
And then one of my buddies was like, Like last year, it was like, you want to try it?
And I go, Yeah, I want to try it.
Yeah.
So there's two ways you can do this, at least that I know of.
One is you get like the real thing, sort of like you can get weed or you can get like a vape pen.
Got it.
With DMT, there's both are also an option.
You can get like the real crystallized whatever it is.
Yeah.
Or a vape pen.
So the first time I do it, I do the real thing with him.
And the experience that I have is like auditory and some visuals.
And it is like a few minutes thing that then you're, it's over.
I go, yeah, that was cool.
Like, I don't have like some profound revelation, but I'm like, that was a cool experience.
Somebody else, no, sorry, same guy goes, hey, do you want, I have a DMT vape pen.
Do you want to do that?
And I go, yeah.
So he gives me one.
I'm on the road and I do it.
And I have the same kind of thing where it's like, there's colors and there's some things.
And then he tells me, he's like, you know, you really got to do a pull.
Like, you really got to pull it if you want to like, Go there.
And I'm like, I mean, I am.
He's like, I'll get you.
Those vape pens, you do a hard job.
This is one of the most terrifying things that ever happened to me.
I had had two or three times with it where I was having that, I'll just call it like a mild experience.
Okay.
Where I go, colors, there's things, but it's like, it's over.
I'm like, yeah, it's pretty cool.
I'm in some hotel on the road and I do, I'm alone in my room and I just, I go like one, two, and like the third pool is like, as deep as I can go.
My eyes are closed and I'm like, I'm cold.
I feel cold.
So I'm going to change.
I'm going to get up and change the temperature.
And my eyes were closed.
I open my eyes and the whole room is sketch drawn, right?
Like it's white with black and white.
Black and white.
I stick my hand out, this black and white, and I'm like, no.
And I get up and I'm looking, everything's, and I see a mirror.
I go, like, I get so scared because I'm a sketch in the mirror.
Are you sketching the mirror?
Everything's, everything's black and white.
Dude, I go up to the thermostat and I, Reach out to it.
I'm like, there's no way.
And I just, I jump under the sheets, get in the fetal position, and I'm in a level 10 panic, absolute panic.
I cannot believe that I've broken through to like what people are talking about.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It can't last that long, maybe 10 to 15 minutes.
Yeah.
Once you get over, like, the, I don't want to open my eyes because I don't want to see the sketch thing.
So you start actually thinking about other things and then slowly open your eyes and you're like, holy shit.
It's starting to fade off.
And I was like, that was the wildest experience I've ever had with a woman.
How long are we talking?
I think this whole thing lasts about 15 minutes.
Okay.
Wow.
But the sketch thing is not imagined.
It's really what I'm seeing.
I'm like, that is terrifying.
And then I do it again the next day.
I do it the next day.
Same hotel room alone?
Yeah.
And I'm like, I want to see if that happens again.
And it does.
It seems the same thing.
The same thing.
It's just that everything in the room is sketched.
What is in your subconscious?
I don't know.
Some people see God, some people see heaven.
And then I start to go, like, with this pen, I'm like, all right, I wait, I wait a few days.
I do it again.
I go, I wonder if I do it with not as deep a pool, what will happen?
And it does become two different things like a mild experience or the Well, I started doing and doing it.
And then I tell the guy, I was like, Yeah, I'm like, did it like four times last week.
He's like, You really shouldn't do that.
I go, What?
He goes, Yeah, you can get like, I think it's like serotonin poisoning, basically, of your, or you're releasing too much of it.
Right, So I have to like take the pen apart and I put one piece here and one piece at home so that I don't have it with me.
It's like nuclear.
I have to like, Bring it with me.
Yeah.
It is.
Have an experience where you actually feel like you're, you have it, you know, your mind works where you shelf things and then sometimes you come to life.
Yeah.
And so I was able to have some experience like that, but it became, I wouldn't say addictive, but like, how regularly?
I mean, I haven't done it in months and months and months.
But when you were on it, I was probably doing it like three or four times a week.
Jesus Christ.
Did you have shows that night?
The next day.
Yeah.
And you just, you were cool.
I was like, I hope I can remember it tomorrow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hold on.
So, All right.
So you're relegated to your only DMT experience is seeing sketch.
Well, that and then having, once you get over the visual aspect of it, you feel like you can have more profound thoughts.
Okay.
Do you have any interesting revelations?
You know, I thought about like, there's just like people you like, thought about like my dad who died and things like that, relationships with people and having like almost like truth serum.
To yourself about it.
DMT And Honest Moments00:15:35
Yeah.
That felt more profound.
Kind of honest moments about what that was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
And did you like talk to any of those people?
No, I don't think I, no, I didn't talk to them.
It's just, it was really more about like.
I'm saying afterwards.
No, no, no.
It was, for me, it was more like facing those fears or realities in yourself.
Right.
Yeah.
And just for you.
Just for me.
And you didn't want to like go apologize to somebody.
Fuck them.
No, it was.
It's just restorative for you and no connection to those people at all.
Well, I don't think it's so much that as, As much as you go, like, this is something that I haven't really processed, and I'm processing this thing now.
Yeah.
And it took this moment that was definitely enhanced to have that revelation for myself.
The experience on DMT versus getting dosed by Joey Diaz and the real version, not what you.
Oh, my God.
Because there's the stand up bit.
Yeah.
And then there's what actually happened.
He's such a fucking animal, dude.
Can you tell us the actual thing?
Because people know the stand up bit.
This fucking guy.
So everybody was making fun of me because I like a mild edible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, you know, people who partake a lot are always like.
Milligrams.
Yeah, so it's like, oh, that's like, what are you, bitch?
You're like, but I like this.
You know, it's like somebody being like, you don't.
Why don't you eat your food?
Your own Spot Cat.
Hotter.
Because I don't want it.
I don't want to burn my mouth.
They're like, what's wrong with you?
I don't know.
It's what I like.
So I was telling everybody I like 10 milligrams.
Okay.
It's like 10 milli Tom.
They cup 10 milli Tom.
So I'm in Miami and I have a show and I see that Joey's also in Miami.
I go, you're in Miami?
I go, I have a show.
I want to come see you.
He's like, well, come over.
I have a late show.
Come see me here.
So I go over to see him, and the place is packed.
My sister comes.
She's like, I want to go, I want to see Joey.
And I'm like, yeah, come hang out.
We're hanging out backstage in his green room.
And he's like, hey, I know you're 10 million, Tom.
I got you some 10 millis.
I go, really?
He's like, yeah.
He has a jar.
And he pours them in his hand.
He goes, here you go.
I go, because I know, I know the Joey stories.
Yeah, why would he even have a 10 million?
Knowing what you know about Joey.
Exactly.
And I'm like, I know he doses people.
So I go, nah.
And he's about to go on stage.
So he has like five of these in his hand and he goes, and he eats them.
And I'm like, well, they can't be that much if he had five.
You got to perform.
Yeah.
I go, all right, I'll take one.
So I take one, and literally as I go down, he goes, oh.
I go, what?
He goes, nothing.
I go, come on, man.
So now I'm in a, because he's not telling me anything.
Oh, that's even worse.
Yeah.
So I'm like, what is it?
He goes, it's 10.
I told you, I told you it's 10.
I go, all right.
So I go out there, and I'm with my sister, and she's like, what's wrong?
I go, I don't think I just ate 10.
I think I'm going to be fucked here in a minute.
And she's like, really?
I go, yeah, there's no way.
Well, he comes out and he does a show and he is murdering and on point and doing all his thing.
And about 45 minutes in, I'm like, this isn't 10, right?
This is not 10.
And so, as people are leaving, we're waiting to talk to him more.
And then it starts to really hit me that I'm fucked.
Like, I'm comatose.
And I'm like, yo, dude.
And I'm like, what did I take?
He's like, 10.
He keeps saying that.
I'm like, this isn't 10, man.
And it starts, I don't even realize this till later.
Later on, I keep processing that he had five and that with five, you can do a show.
Like how insane that is to me.
Cause I used to do on the road, I would go on the road with Rogan back in the day.
Yeah.
And he would always be like, hit this joint.
I'm like, I don't want to hit a joint and get on stage.
I don't want to.
He's like, do it, bitch.
All right, fine.
All right.
One time, peer pressure, your 30 year old is really funny.
Yeah, also, you sound easy to peer pressure.
Someone's like, do it, or you're a bitch.
You got yourself addicted to TFT.
I know.
I don't blame them.
I think we got to hear these stories from Joey and Rogan, where they're like, Tom was begging me.
No, I definitely did not.
I remember in Vancouver, I was with Joe, and I did, we did like the Vogue theater.
Yeah, yeah.
And at one point, I'm on say, high as hell, and I hate it.
Yeah.
And I'm like, Every time I hear something, I'm like turning my head and I get off and I was like, that was awful.
I was like, that was awful.
He's like, what are you talking about?
I go, the people were like, he goes, those were applause breaks.
You were fucking killing.
I was like, I didn't like that.
He was raining a bit.
And then we went to Columbus and I fucking bombed.
Bad.
Bad.
Like, worst bomb?
One of the five worst bombs.
How long?
He was, it was one he would bring, it would bring like Ari, Diaz, like a bunch of us.
So it probably not that long.
It felt like six years.
It felt like the longest set in my life.
But it was also, that's the club that Stroop owned.
Called this Money Bone.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So for people that don't know, this guy owns a piece of a bunch of these clubs, but he was also the person that would book you into all of them.
He booked like 20 of them.
Yeah.
So like they're like, you're going to showcase for Stroop.
I eat.
Fucking shit in front of him, like so bad.
And later on, I was like, because when you're high, you don't, I was like, how bad was it?
He was like, it was really, really bad.
He was like, I was like, what the fuck is this guy doing here?
Like, this is one of the worst sets I've seen somebody do.
I was like, oh, thank you for the honesty.
He was like, yeah, he didn't, he didn't like save it at all.
He was like, it was terrible, man.
I really wondered what was wrong with you.
Did you power through or are you on stage like trying to save it, like referencing it?
I was, here's the worst part is that I'm trying to save it, trying to get going, and I get off.
And I remember I had seen, I think, Ari bomb right before me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I was like, How was that?
He's like, It was great.
And I was like, That didn't look great.
You're only like, You're.
Oh, so now when you're bombing, you're like, I guess I'm doing great.
Like, Ari said this was good.
This doesn't feel good.
I mean, I didn't think what he did was good either.
Okay.
So I was like, This is a disaster.
But I'm at that thing with Joey.
And then I'm like, Bro, I can't even keep it together.
We have to catch a flight.
And I have a guy with me.
Who has to care?
He carries me like my arm over his shoulder, and he's like walking me to the plane like this.
I'm like, Bro, Joey's on the flight with us, and he's like, You know what, you need right now?
I don't want anything from you, dude.
He's like, You needed a little Xanax, it evens you out.
I take it, I take it.
You have no ability to say no, dude.
Well, I also.
Try it.
You can talk.
You can walk me into some shit for sure.
But I'm also in such a pain.
I'm comatose, but my paranoia and my anxiety is at like a 12.
So I think like Xanax, I'm like, all right, like maybe this will dissipate how fucking anxious you are.
It does nothing.
It does absolutely nothing.
I sort of fall asleep and I wake up out of nowhere and I start talking about love on this plane.
Okay, I'm like, that's what we're all here to do.
Like, give me a speech.
Who are you sitting next to?
This guy that works with me, Sean.
Okay.
He's like, yeah, buddy.
Yeah.
And I'm like, right.
And he's trying to talk.
I go, shut the fuck up.
You don't understand?
It's like Bill Murray and Scrooge, where he's like, you got to feel it.
Yeah.
Like, you know, it's there.
I'm like giving this speech about love.
And every time I look at Joey, he just goes, ha ha ha.
He just starts laughing, which makes it worse because I think I'm kind of getting somewhere.
And he thinks that you're acting insane.
Yeah.
And he's loving that he did this to me.
Yeah.
So I get home and like, Christina's like, as I walk in the door, she goes, Are you high?
I'm like, Yeah.
So what happened?
I tell her what happened.
I go to bed.
I wake up.
I'm high.
Like, I'm fully high.
The rest of that day, I'm high.
I go to bed high.
Yep.
And then the next day, I feel like it's weaning off as I wake up on the Second, now almost third day.
Dude.
So I finally, I call him and I'm calling him to also be like, hey, man, like that wasn't cool, right?
Like you feel like I gotta say something to you.
Like that was not fucking cool.
So I call him, I go, dude.
How much did I take for real?
He's like, you took a 200.
That was a 200 milligram.
So he took a thousand and he did a show.
Holy shit.
And does he just have a slow metabolism or something?
Like it hits you at the end.
Because years ago, he gave me like a 20, like a 25.
This is, we were also traveling to do a show together.
And I was like, that was horrific.
Like that was horrific.
And I asked him, I was like, so do you not feel.
That doesn't affect you the same?
He goes, What are you talking about?
I almost had three panic attacks on that flight.
And I go, So you also feel that?
He's like, Yeah.
And he goes, I like going there, like seeing the devil.
You know?
I'm like, Why?
So he's not like, I thought he's chasing the anxiety.
He wants it.
Yeah.
He feels that.
Yeah.
And I go, Bro.
A life of crime will get you that out of him.
Yeah.
To him, it's like invigorating.
Yeah.
So it's not that he doesn't feel it.
He feels it.
He like misses the cake.
That's kind of interesting.
Imagine I miss chaos.
Yeah.
That's exactly right.
Yeah.
And at the end, I go, Hey man, that I go, so you give me 200.
I go, Bo, that was one of the worst 48 hours I've had.
Yeah.
And he goes, Yeah.
I go, So, like, kind of like, what do you have to say?
He goes, You needed it.
I go, What?
Yeah.
He goes, You needed a reset.
And I gave you one.
And I go, Why did I need a reset?
I was doing great.
Yeah.
He was like, Nah, it's good for you.
Now you start over.
I go, This is just fucking.
This is just like criminal talk.
You need to learn a lesson.
Yeah.
You needed a lesson.
And I go, What are you fucking talking about?
This has nothing to do with anything.
Being high for like multiple days, though.
Like, I remember in college, And I'm going to date myself huge here because back in the day, to have an edible, you had to bake it.
Yeah, yeah.
Like you couldn't just buy edibles.
Like you had to make butter out of weed.
Yeah.
And then you would put it.
I had to make the brownies.
Okay, yeah.
So then you'd make brownies, right?
And I didn't even know that.
Like I thought you just cooked the weed with the brownies and then consumed it.
It's like there was this whole thing where you.
Like oregano?
Like you sprinkle it?
I had no clue what it was.
And I didn't even smoke weed really that much.
But I remember college.
And then we made the weed butter and we really squeezed the juice and then we put it in and we mixed the brownies.
I don't know if the tray was lopsided or something like that, but I remember having a piece and barely any.
And I was high for three days.
Yeah.
And the first one, I got so high that I was about three seconds behind myself.
So, like, something would happen.
I'd be aware that it happened, but then it would register a few seconds afterwards.
And I was like watching a FIFA, I was watching buddies play FIFA, and like they would score a goal, and I would see them get up, and then I would see the goal score.
And then I would realize what happened.
And I'm in my friend's room, and I go, Oh, fuck, I gotta throw up.
And then I go, That was three seconds ago.
And I ran to the bathroom and I just projected Alvonne's ramen noodles into the bath, like just made it.
And the entire floor of the bathroom is just ramen noodles.
Couldn't eat fucking ramen for like years.
Yeah.
It was just like baked into my subconscious.
I think my worst drug experience had been weed.
What about the Molly?
Well, that was after.
Was that worse?
You had a rough one on Molly.
But that was after.
During was the best.
It was the after part.
During you were stressed.
No, during was fine.
Was after because of like the come down, like the.
From the Molly, yeah.
Yeah, I got like a week where I was, I feel like I was in a dream.
Yeah.
Like I would just like walk around.
I'd be like, oh, I'm not here right now.
We had to go, we went to Austin.
We did shows with Mothership.
And I'm on stage watching myself do comedy.
I think that's that serotonin drop, right?
Depersonalization, derealization is what they call it, DPDR.
And I was just like tweaking out.
Mark's so analytical, though.
It was so adorable.
Like he was feeling all these good feelings.
I always do this.
And maybe it's because he's so Catholic, too.
He's like, why do I feel good?
This is not allowed.
And he's having these, Feelings and he's like in real time going, I'm aware that this is just the chemicals in my brain that are making me feel this.
And we're just sitting there like, just feel it.
I had a journal.
I would journal every like minute.
So, like, okay, I've taken a bigger dose at like 1205.
And like, I would jot it down the whole time.
Yeah, yeah, journaling.
I still have the notes and I would like log how it felt.
And I would go up to him and be like, hey, dude, I know I'm on drugs, but I do love you.
That's the best part.
That's the best part.
Yeah.
But weed, though, no, I would smoke weed and then start thinking about like planets.
And I would start being like, oh, we're just monkeys.
And then we're walking around, we're all monkeys.
And I had to go home to my wife and be like, hey, can you take care of me?
And then she's like brushing my hair and like plucking stuff out of my hair.
And I'm like, oh, we are monkeys.
We are monkeys.
I mean, other than overdosing, the worst stuff I've had was the worst experience I've had have been with weed.
Dude, weed is the worst.
The worst.
It's the worst when it's bad.
Like, I remember one time I had another one of those like multiple day highs.
I was visiting a friend who was going to USC.
And I got so high off edibles, like the floor was lava.
Yeah.
And I spent like a day in a dorm room.
Yeah.
Just like on a couch.
Because she was too.
Because I didn't want to touch the ground.
And I was like, I know this is stupid.
But why risk it?
But why risk it?
Yeah.
You can't play those games.
It was too dangerous.
You would feel so embarrassed if your leg got molten off.
Exactly.
It's not worth it.
It'd be so humiliating.
Old school edibles, too, like you're talking about.
Yeah.
Bro, I'm sorry.
When I.
This guy.
The guy that I went to visit, his roommate had downloaded all the Porn from the internet, and I'm not being hyperbolic.
All of it.
This guy, Neil, I won't say his last name, he fucking loved porn.
Yeah.
And he had files and files.
This was at a point in time where, like, there wasn't that much porn.
Like, the internet was new.
Like, and he had hard drives and hard drives.
And I was trying to look up something on his computer, right?
And I got on his mouse and I clicked the mouse, and it was like, not it, it was a PC.
So I clicked the mouse.
Remember, it had those two things?
Clicking The Mouse On PC00:03:53
Yeah.
Then I clicked it.
With my pointer finger, and all of a sudden, like that little box opened up.
And right click.
Yeah.
And I was like, yo, Neil, I think your mouse is fucked up.
The right click keeps popping.
This guy switched the mouse so he could jerk off with his right hand that he made the mouse lefty.
That's amazing.
The dedication.
That's such commitment.
The dedication is unbelievable.
That's amazing.
Yeah.
To plan for a stroke session is great.
That's supposed to be something that overtakes you like a demon.
You remember old school CD cases?
Yes, of course.
I knew a guy who had one of those of just porn DVDs and he would travel with them.
So he's like, I'm going to Phoenix this weekend.
Needed.
And he would have it in the airport, like walk through with a full CD case of like 100 DVDs.
You're like, you need this for the weekend?
That's how committed he was.
All right, guys, we're going to do dates real quick.
But first, we got to shout out the boy Akash Singh, did it, man.
Radio City sold the fuck out.
Killed it.
Not a single seat.
Killed that shit.
Really awesome set.
And like, addressed the things that he's been going through in like a fucking hilarious way.
And like, I hadn't seen his set in a while and like introspective, and it was very, very, very awesome to see.
So, make sure you guys go continue to check out Akash.
But he sold that out, the entire internet came for him, and he sold it out.
Yeah, and none of his critics could be able to handle that type of onslaught and then push through and sell out Radio City.
Absolutely not, no way, not a chance.
So, he just shut them all up and as he should.
Shout out him, and that was amazing to see.
It was beautiful.
Shout out to you, love you, dog.
Great job.
Salutes to Akash Singh in the building.
We got some shows coming up this week on Tampa, sold out.
Thank you guys so much, Tampa.
Denver is sold out.
Thank you, Denver.
We got the Greek Theater.
I think there might be a couple seats at the Greek left for the Netflix is a joke festival with Jelly Roll.
And we just announced some more comics.
I think they just announced on the lineup.
So go check that out.
That's May 8th, May 15th, Sitting in Salt Lake, sold out.
And then we added Virginia Beach, June 15th.
Fifth and sixth have been added at the Funny Bone Comedy Club, Virginia Beach.
So get that.
And then Halifax, Nova Scotia.
We're going to be up there.
Me, Mark, Cam Patterson, Lucas Zelnick.
And we're going to be out there in Halifax running it up.
Amazing.
You know, shout out RIP to go, Pat Stay, man.
We need to do like a Pat Stay tribute when we're out there.
Wait, what happened to Pat Stay?
He passed away.
I didn't know this.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
The roast legend, man.
The rap roast legend.
Yeah.
Anyway, Halifax, Nova Scotia.
Okay, Mark, let him know.
I'm going to be at the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island on April 23rd.
And then at the end of the year, I'm doing a bunch of dates in Plano, Texas, Chandler, Arizona, Pasadena, California, San Diego, and Detroit.
I would love to see you guys all there.
Thank you so much.
And guys, I'm throwing tennis events this summer.
Three dates: May 16th, July 25th, and August 29th.
Just head over to All Love Racquet Club on Instagram.
The link in the bio.
These tennis events are going to be dope: music, food, giveaways, all that stuff.
See you there.
And fart.
But with those edibles, dude, I worked in a post house in LA.
I remember this is like the early 2000s.
And again, it's like, you know, there's not weed stores or anything.
And there's a guy there in Post who was like, you want, you want like an edible cookie?
And I was like, yeah, I would love that.
He gives me a, it's one of those giant chocolate chip cookies.
And I go, how much should I eat?
And he goes, eat the whole thing.
Giant Edible Cookie Story00:05:59
I was like, all right.
I remember I told someone else and they're like, eat half and see how it goes.
So I'm just home alone.
Like on a Friday night or Saturday night.
And I eat half.
I'm just like watching TV.
I don't know, half an hour later, I was like, I feel nothing.
I'll just finish this cookie.
Dude, within an hour, tears, tears, crying.
And I'm like, I'm a bad brother.
And it stays like that for like six hours.
Is there anything that you enjoy?
It seems like every experience, it just brings out like a lot of emotion.
Well, I think the weed ones were too much weed is just always a disaster.
Like when I OD'd, I OD'd on GHB and a bunch of stuff, right?
What do you mean you OD'd?
I was like in a coma when I was like 19.
On when I took a bunch of GHB and drank and mixed it up, and I got GHB is the uh, yeah, yeah.
So you took it voluntarily?
Oh, we all did then, yeah.
Who's we all did?
I mean, that girl's guy.
I mean, it's just Florida, yeah, in like the late 90s, early 2000s.
That was like very popular.
So you put it in a bottle cap.
So, like, the way you took it, this is how you would do GHB, guys, for real.
It was just like this, you go like this.
This was a dose.
So you'd go, that much.
Yeah.
Tastes like ocean water.
Tastes like salt water.
Okay.
You go, it's almost immediate.
Like, immediately, your whole body, you'd be like, we'd call it like permigrin because you'd be like, just chill it.
Okay.
Yeah.
Someone would be like, fuck you, bitch.
And you'd be like, that's right.
Nothing bothered you.
Everything felt good.
Okay.
So I was doing that regularly.
And that was everyone in my high school clique was, and I went to college and I brought some to college.
And then I ran out.
Uh oh.
So I came back and I saw the dude.
I was like, yo, let me get some more of that Georgia homeboy, man.
Let me get some of that shit.
Georgia homeboy.
And so that's how we would get it in these water bottles.
It looked yellow.
And he hadn't dispensed it yet into the water bottles, he had it in a gallon jug.
Okay.
So he's like, here you go.
And literally, I'm like, well, How do you take the right dose if you're used to the literal water bottle cap?
So I have a full gallon jug, which is, you know, weight to it, right?
And you're like, okay, so you put it up.
Ooh, yeah, it's over.
And what happened was I just went like this.
And I realized I have like 10 doses in my mouth.
And now I don't want to be rude.
Yeah.
And I don't know, like, it's like a wine taste.
You spit it out.
You're like, do I spit this out?
Yeah.
It was like a split second decision.
You do, but you do.
You do.
But you do.
But at the time, I just went, Yeah.
And I just put the thing down.
I was like, thanks, dude.
I love how you're framing this as I didn't want to be rude.
I didn't want to be rude.
I'm a guest.
I'm a guest.
You just gave me free drinks.
You have to eat.
Yeah.
I will overdose in front of you.
But the real thing, the reason I ended up in a coma was because the big rule with it always was don't drink on it.
That's right.
And I had drank already a bunch.
So it's in the system.
I was already cooked.
Yeah.
And then I just was out, woke up in ICU, fucking.
You know, tubes and all this shit.
Chance you would have died?
Oh, I was going to die without in a moment.
The only reason I didn't die was my sister was at the same place.
She called 911.
Get out of here.
I would have definitely died.
Yeah, definitely died.
How long was the coma?
Not that long, eight, 10 hours or something before I would fall in two.
Damn.
But the thing was, she was like, yeah, everybody there was like, just let him chill.
She's like, he's just chilling right now.
She's like, that is the way.
You kind of deal with it.
You hope that it just like, yeah, because some don't want to have it.
Because you're also in Jesus' feet.
You're like grinning.
You're like, oh, he's really good.
Yeah, he's good, man.
I'm telling you, he's good.
Yeah, but she called.
She called.
I'll piss for your parents.
Bro.
So, wait a minute.
So, you gave her a bakery?
Is that how you started the bakery?
No.
I can tell you this when you wake up, right?
You don't know what's going on.
Yeah.
Obviously, I have no idea what's going on.
All I do is like, I wake up, I'm in a hospital.
So I wake up and I'm looking at lights.
Yeah.
And also, they have my arms strapped down because they don't want you to pull tubes out.
Yes.
Because that's a knee jerk reaction.
Yes.
I have a breathing tube.
I also have a tube sending liquid charcoal into my stomach.
Yeah.
To have everything coagulate.
And so I'm looking at these lights and I'm like, and then I see a doctor that I know come into frame.
Like, literally, like, and I know her.
And I'm like, I'm like, that's Dr. Casson.
And she's like, you're, she goes, you're in the hospital.
She goes, You overdosed, but you know, here's where you are.
This is what's happening.
And I can't talk.
So I'm just like, Okay.
And in my head, I'm like, I hope my parents don't know.
Like, that's all, that's my thought.
And then they come into frame.
Oh, shit.
And they hand me a piece of paper because you can only like scribble.
And I'm like, I'm 19, but I still write.
I go, Are you mad?
Right?
And they show that my dad looks and he goes, No, buddy, just disappointed.
And I was like, Man, I couldn't pick another thing to say.
We're happy you're alive.
Can you give me a beat at least a little?
Just wait.
And yeah, that was fucking.
What does mom say?
She's just traumatized.
She's not really saying much.
And you haven't stopped traumatizing her.
No.
That's kind of the biggest joy I think I have in life.
Flying Helicopter At Nineteen00:05:07
You ever seen the helicopter thing I took her on?
Yeah, I think I took it.
That's one of the hardest I've ever laughed because I couldn't believe she would go up with me.
Do you have a see if you can find this clip?
It's amazing because I started taking flying lessons.
Okay, and I went up with this guy helicopter flying, helicopter flying.
Why helicopter?
I just always liked them.
Why?
It's just I don't know.
I like before, after Kobe.
After wow, yeah, you're a wow boy, bro.
But I remembered that one of the things you learn is just like with you know, I never want to get in a helicopter.
I love helicopters, it is the most convenient.
Way to get from Manhattan to JFK.
Yeah.
You're there in five minutes.
Yeah.
Okay.
It is.
And like now, when you get like a car service and something in traffic, it's like unbelievably expensive.
It's not that much crazier to take the helicopter.
When I come here, you do it.
I take the helicopter to Newark, I take it to Long Island, I take it everywhere.
It's amazing.
It's five minutes.
The thing that I'm terrified about is every single time, and I had to stop.
Once I had kids, I just stopped doing it.
Is that I don't like, at least with a plane, maybe this makes no sense, but I'm like, all right, if the propellers go out, the wings are there.
Yeah.
Land on the Hudson.
Land on the Hudson, slowly.
What do we do with the helicopter if the spinny thing stops?
Auto rotation.
And you just fucking, you just go down.
So you believe at the height, you believe knowing everything you know about things falling, that at the height the helicopter is, that it would just slowly.
Well, we do it.
We do it when we're training.
We shut the engine off and actually just.
But at what height?
I mean, we start for probably the first time you do that, it's several hundred feet.
You know, you shut it off.
Higher than when you're going from Newark to the city or JFK to the city?
From JFK to the city, you probably find most of probably 1,200 feet.
And then.
You think we're 1,200 feet up?
No, sometimes I've done it.
You're not flying at 5,000 feet.
I thought we're like 500 feet or 300 feet.
Oh, sometimes you're at 500 feet.
So you're toast at 500.
No, no, you're not toast, man.
You're toast if you fly into the side of a fucking building.
That I think we could avoid.
Yeah.
I'm never worried about that.
Yeah.
Because you can see there.
You can't see the engine turn off.
Well, we take the waterways.
Birds can fuck you pretty bad, you know?
Yeah.
Birds are a real problem.
And there's this thing, too.
Why are you smiling at us?
This is reframing every story he's ever told.
Yeah.
There's this funny thing, too.
When you're flying, they go, just so you know, we're always about two seconds from dying in this thing.
They say that, too.
Yeah.
Because when you fly a plane, like I've flown planes for lessons, too, you basically.
Once you take off and you're cruising, like you could read a fucking book.
Yeah.
Right.
In a helicopter, you have, there's a zero time off.
In other words, like you are, you're just engaged the entire time.
Why?
Because you have to be.
You have to have your, the cyclic, you're, you're, you have to have control of all times because you, you can't, if you'd let go, the aircraft would go down.
Like a plane, you can just be like, I'm sorry.
You're saying you have to hold it up manually?
Yeah.
You have to, you have to hold that and you have to, Keep your elevation the whole time and you're looking at the horizon the whole time.
Oh, so there's no like just autopilot?
There's none of that.
Oh, yeah.
You're always, but here's the thing there's like an upside and a downside of that.
You're fully engaged, you're hyper aware, you're not really thinking of anything else.
You're just looking and you're making inputs all the time, constantly.
There's never a point where you're not giving some type of direction to that character.
It's not more reassuring at all.
Yeah.
I trust me less.
I like to read a book, obviously.
Yeah.
I mean, sometimes I do too.
Sometimes I do too.
But like also, I'm not going up there alone.
I'm up there with an instructor.
Have you guys ever gotten into some.
Well, I'll tell you this.
So, why are you smiling at all?
There's different types.
There's different types.
I'm learning a lot about Tom today.
There's different capacities, just like with a car.
Yeah.
A Honda Civic and a GT3 RS are different.
So, with helicopters, there's a big difference.
One of the ones that I learned about was this MD500, which has fully articulating blades.
And it's like Coast Guard uses it.
So, this means that blades on top can actually rotate this way.
So, you're not changing direction with the back thing.
Well, you still.
Totally.
The thing still operates the way.
That's this one.
What the hell?
I don't know if that's an MD, is it?
This is the one that looks like they take you to.
To JFK.
The thing that.
Yeah, MD500.
Yeah, it is.
So it has maneuverability options that you wouldn't get like in a Robinson 44.
Got it.
Right?
So the guy that takes me up in this is like a super experienced pilot.
And he's like, You want to see some shit?
Articulating Blades Explained00:02:50
And I was like, Yeah.
So he's doing some crazy shit in the aircraft, like sideways, fucking up, down.
And I go, I want to try to get my mom in this and do this to her, you know, because she's scared of.
Air travel anyway.
Yeah.
So it's a good reason.
I go, I go tell her I've been taking lessons.
Yeah.
I want to take you up and do like a city tour.
And she's like, I'm expecting her to be like, not a fucking chance.
And she goes, I'd love to see that.
And I go, Really?
Which city?
In Austin.
I go, just like, I'll fly you around Lake Austin, take you to see.
Yeah.
Maybe the most boring city tour.
You're in fucking Hawaii, I guess.
Yeah.
You're going to see the top of these three story buildings.
She's like, I will do it.
And then I tell him, So I like, we take off, I do some flying.
And then I just give him a signal and I go, like, let it rain.
It's like, just fucking go nuts.
And I had these, and she, I mean, I've never heard her play this and give us a little buildup, Joey.
Make sure that we're at like, she's calm, at least in the beginning.
Okay, good.
Is this right?
Okay, here we go.
I mean, you can't see externally what he's doing, but we're like sideways to the ground.
She's so scared.
And I can hear her laughing.
I can hear her laughing, dude.
Dude.
Mom, is this your mom?
Dude.
He flies vertically, he sends us into nosedives.
And you can hear on the intercom.
Yeah.
She's making me cry.
When it's one of the hardest I've ever laughed, dude.
You're going to hell.
I know.
Like, this is your mom.
He was so.
I want to see her coming out.
Do we have her coming out?
Oh, yeah.
I don't think a human being is capable of doing stuff like that.
He's as bad as a gun.
Yes.
He's a mean son.
And he tried to kill me.
It didn't work out for him.
I thought you would enjoy it.
I would show you some of the coolest maneuvers.
I cried.
I prayed.
I got petrified.
And now you're like.
And now you get to go.
It's my birthday.
I'm shaking.
I have completely nauseated, by the way.
Isn't this cool, though?
No, it's not me.
Kick cool.
Kick cool.
It's nice.
In the middle of the side, we are crashing them.
We are going to the foot.
They were going up to the sky to go down.
It was everything that can kill a human being.
That's all the stuff that I've been trying to master.
You came here with the intention of destroying your marriage.
And now we go home?
No, we're going to the mall.
To the mall?
Oh, you are going to the mall, and for a long time.
Don't forget to mention how cruel is my son.
Nauseated Birthday Thrills00:09:53
Maybe I'm gonna get the iWatch 15 or the first one.
I'm getting both.
That wasn't even the answer.
I thought you allowed him to do that.
He's a good pilot.
How much did he pay you to say that?
She, at one point, this was after my dad died.
And in her chaos, I heard her screaming, Think about your father.
Was there any moment you were like, Oh, maybe we should chill?
Or you were just.
No, definitely not.
No.
Do you have no fear of death?
Are you not like a big what happens in the future guy?
No, I think I definitely have a, you know, I don't walk around like scared to death all the time.
Right, right.
But no, I think about mortality for sure.
But.
This is also just so much fun.
Like sometimes the fun outweighs that, supersedes it sometimes.
Even when you had kids, was there not this part of you that's like, all right, I got to turn down some stuff?
Yeah, some of it.
Some of it.
I mean, I used to go to the track more.
Like in Austin, we have Coda, Circuit of the Americas.
Yeah, yeah.
I have been since we've had kids, but there's a couple of times.
I thought it was running.
Oh my God.
There's a couple of times where when you're doing laps, and especially when you start to build up.
That track is sick, by the way.
Six of the tracks, amazing.
That, that like.
Incline before that first return.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
And there's this back straight that I had been in.
What are you driving on it?
I've taken out a couple GT3s.
Yeah.
This is a Porsche.
Porsche.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then, but then my neighbor, I had a neighbor there with a.
So those are the ones I were driving were manual.
Okay.
Right.
My neighbor was out there with a Ferrari F8 and he was like, You want to take mine?
And I was like, Yeah, it's automatic.
And the.
But doesn't have the.
It does.
Yeah.
If you want.
But just the.
But even with these paddles, which you're using, you can never mimic how fast this is compared to this.
Right.
And, bro, when I was on that back straight, I was like, oh, that's one of those times where I was like, oh, I could die doing this.
You really felt it.
Because it was significant speed compared to what I had been driving.
I think in the manuals, you hit like maybe 145, 150 on the back, and on his, like 177.
And I was like, Jesus.
You feel that more of like, The margin for error feels like much, much smaller there.
I did not even close to that speed, but I was on that track with Yuki Sonoda, you know, the F1 driver.
Yeah.
Small Asian guy.
Yeah.
And he took me out in a, I think it was like a Ford, I forget what the fuck it was.
That's somewhere.
Ford GT.
The GT?
Yeah, I think it was the GT.
That was badass.
And it's a badass car.
They soup it up.
Obviously, it's not some like F, you know, Formula E3 or whatever.
The thing that I noticed the most was, The car wanting to just turn over on the turns.
So, like, you actually feel the tires like pulling.
And I was like, Can you give me an example of what this is compared to what you're feeling in the Formula Cars?
Yeah.
And he was like, This is the equivalent of like taking a golf cart on the track.
Wow.
Yeah.
I mean, crazy.
This is the F1 track, the Coda track.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I remember I did the Spanish Latino, right?
Uh huh.
You don't have to do white people shit.
We got them.
That shit is crazy.
You're right.
That's your mom.
You can't do that to your mom.
Were you like this as a kid?
Did you like dirt bikes and shit?
No, no.
Just GHB, dude.
You did.
Just GHB.
I always liked cars.
I always liked fast cars.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I never had any, but I still liked them.
Right.
But you were thrill seeking in some way.
You know, I didn't.
I never did bungee jumping, I never did the parachuting stuff.
You know, to me, it was always like something with an engine.
Like, that's always what was it.
I like boats, like going fast.
Yeah, I like going fast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But she, oh, I went to that Dallas motor speed, but I got in a NASCAR there.
And I was like, how fun could that be?
The loop.
Amazing.
Amazing.
Is it because of the.
Yes.
So break that down.
What is that even called?
The bank, the gradient, right?
Yeah, dude.
Can you even stand on that at its highest point?
I don't, I think you, I don't know if you could.
Yeah, it's tough to run up.
Yeah, it's difficult to get up there.
So, what happens?
The horse guy causes that.
You can get up there, but it's tough.
But, like, is it at 45 degrees towards the top?
Is it at.
Might be.
That's what it feels like.
Sure.
But what fascinated me was they were like, all right, you have to keep this speed.
Because if not, the car's just going to fall over.
Wow.
You know, and like, you realize.
It's a carnival ride.
There was a guy in the radio telling me where to go, what speed to keep, when to push.
And then to maintain, he was just like, now just hold it.
And you're alone in the car?
Yeah.
And what do you have to hold on that?
Huh?
33 degrees.
33 degrees.
And what do you have to hold on that speed wise?
Well, so they had this thing where they were like, we don't want to be liable for your death.
Right.
So they start you off.
And then when you complete a lap at a slower rate, you come in and they would manually change the limiter.
There's a governor on the car.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then so every time I would do a couple laps, I would have to pit and they would like ramp it up a little more.
And then I was like, let it go all the way.
And they're like, not a fucking fan.
But it was super.
I think the highest we hit on that was like in the one.
50s or 60s.
There's a clip of this guy, I'm sure you've seen it, where it's like he's talking to his, what is the captain or who's the guy who's basically.
Crew chief or pitch chief.
Yeah, his pitch chief.
And he's like, I'm just going to push my foot down and either see a checkered flag or see God.
Oh, yeah.
Have you seen that clip?
Yeah.
You see that one?
Yeah.
And he just pushes, we should bring it up.
He pushes his foot down on the gas and then he rides the wall.
Yeah.
So he doesn't even try to maneuver.
It's like he's like enlightening McQueen.
Literally.
It's something outside of cars.
From cars.
And he just basically scrapes the whole side of his car and uses the bank or the wall as his own protection.
So he doesn't fly out.
And then I think he wins the race.
Yeah, they made it illegal after that, I'm pretty sure.
Probably a good idea.
Yeah, you can't like the wall ride.
See the checker flag or see God's pretty wild.
Ross Chastain.
What is his name?
His name's Ross Chastain.
You got it up, Joe?
You guys are fucking crazy.
You need audio on this one just to see this guy.
You guys are nuts, bro.
I'm not lifting the lazy god or a checkered flag.
My man.
Look at this.
They always play sniffle.
Oh, wow.
No one's ever gone through three and four at Martinsville that fast.
He went from 10th to the fifth place.
I've never seen anything like that.
Wow.
Foot strategy.
Holy cow.
That's pretty nuts.
The next day?
Yeah.
Why would they ban it?
That's kind of sick.
It's Grand Teresa, though.
You can't do that.
I mean, Have you been to an NASCAR race?
Not NASCAR.
I'd like to go to NASCAR because it was a much different experience.
It's awesome.
I had the same thing where I was like, I'm just not interested.
Yeah.
And I went there.
First, I went to the Daytona 500.
Yeah.
First of all, just the atmosphere of it.
Sort of like the first time I went to UFC, I wasn't that interested in you.
I was like, yeah, I'll go.
You go to an actual fight.
You go to fight and you're like, holy shit, the energy.
So the energy, Daytona in particular, is just, it is electric.
I mean, really takes over.
Then you're in there, you were able to walk around with like the different teams and you see like the caliber of people, the conversations they're having, the studying, and you're like, holy shit, there's so much strategy going into this and like so much commitment.
The whole way through about this.
And then the skill itself, when you hear the engine start and they take off, you're like, it's like this visceral reaction.
Yeah, the sound.
And you just being there changed the way that I looked at the sport.
I mean, the flyover.
The flyover is awesome.
You need that at everything.
The flyover is unbelievable.
They had the, what's it called?
Not the Blue Angels, but the Air Force One, the Thunder.
No, no.
But holy shit, I thought we were getting bombed.
I was like, oh my God.
The Thunderbirds.
Just them flying over it.
Yeah, the whole atmosphere, you walk out of there being like, that was fucking unbelievable.
There's something about the races, which is like, I didn't grow up with car culture at all.
Like, I grew up in New York City, nobody had a fucking car.
Yeah.
And I went to a Formula One, and the sound of the cars made me feel like this childhood nostalgia.
And I never had cars, but it was something about just like this loud motor.
You just feel like a kid.
Yeah.
And they zoom by, and every time I just find myself going zoom.
Yeah.
Have you been to everyone?
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're fun too.
We did Miami, we did, and then Austin.
And I don't know if we were there for, no, we weren't there in Abu Dhabi, but there is a hotel on the property.
I think we drove, I drove on that track too.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was sick.
So fun.
So fun.
I will say there's something about NASCAR that makes you feel all American.
Like I haven't been to an F1 race that I imagine it's like a little, a little higher class.
Loud NASCAR Engines00:02:35
Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean?
You definitely, it's, it is the same.
There's something about NASCAR where it's like you see like pristine, like engineers working on shit.
You see like former D1 athletes in the crew.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And also, just like a dude with the shirt off getting sunburned.
And you're like, this is great.
It's very American.
Yeah.
Yes.
It's worth going.
At that track in Abu Dhabi, I thought that the markers on the side before the turns were the speed you were supposed to go, not the distance to the turn.
Yeah.
So I was like, trying to.
I have to go 220, right?
Yeah.
So I was like, I don't even understand the point of this, really.
But that was sick.
It's so cool.
They were so, such gracious hosts, too.
Like, they were so, like, yeah.
Yeah.
The best.
The best.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
I've realized something over the last couple of years, definitely since having kids, that sleep is the most precious resource on the planet.
It is more valuable than oil, gold, other things.
Diamonds?
Diamonds, diamonds.
Like, none of these things matter, really, to be honest with you.
If your sleep is off, your whole life is off, your mood, your energy, how you think, all of it.
And I didn't really take it seriously.
And then I did little things that could incrementally change how well I was sleeping.
And one of those was I switched to Brooklyn bedding.
This mattress is different.
I'm not just like crashing anymore.
I'm actually recovering.
You want recovery.
You want a mattress so comfortable you're sleeping through the night, not waking up at 2 30, then again at 4 30, tossing and turning because you're on some horrible mattress that doesn't allow you to get that recovery that you need.
Okay.
I reset.
That's what I do.
I recommend getting yourself a mattress from Brooklyn Bedding.
They're not just throwing together some random mattress, they've designed and built everything themselves in their own factory in Arizona.
No middlemen, no gimmicks, just quality.
Yes, it's Brooklyn mattress.
This is designed in Arizona.
Maybe there's a part of Arizona called Brooklyn, but we're not looking into it.
The reality is, you're going to sleep.
They got options for everybody.
Whatever your sleep style is, they got something for you.
If you sleep hot, personally, kind of sleep hot.
They actually have mattresses that stay.
Cool at night so they can cool you down.
You want your temperature to be a few degrees colder so you get that nice deep sleep.
Also, this is big.
They're endorsed by the American Chiropractic Association.
Brooklyn Mattress Design00:15:31
So if you believe in fake medicine, you will appreciate that.
Okay.
You don't have to stress trying it either.
They're going to give you a 120 night trial.
Think about that.
That's four months.
If you don't love it, you can swap it out.
Simple.
So do yourself a favor.
Go to BrooklynBedding.com.
Use the promo code FLAGRANT at checkout and get 30% off site wide.
That's BrooklynBedding.com.
Promo code FLAGRANT for 30% off.
Get your sleep right.
Everything else gets easier.
Also, before we go back in, we've gotten some very interesting results, some health results.
All of us on the podcast have gotten some health results.
Yeah, I don't know why we did this.
It's just a full on body scan of all of our markers.
All of our markers.
We're going to find our biological age.
And we know what our biological ages are.
And before we tell each other what they are, I just want to know, like, how confident you guys are and who is the youngest.
Well, this is where it's tricky.
Because I have the youngest biological age for sure.
I mean, sure about that?
100%.
I don't know.
I don't know if I have the biggest delta.
No, no, no.
Forget that.
No.
There's no way you have a younger biological age than I do.
Do you have the fact you haven't pulled your phone up makes me think that you're lying?
I only have to remember two numbers.
No, I get to see it.
I know what mine is.
I need to see it.
I have my age.
You have your age?
I got my age.
Okay.
So we got this whole body scan and they looked at all these different markers, et cetera.
Yeah.
Shout out to Function Health that did it for us.
And, you know, it really just bestowed bragging rights on us.
It's not even about living forever or like understanding how your body's becoming decrepit.
This is just another bragging tool that we have on the pod.
Why don't we start with Alex?
Black don't crack.
Yep.
Let's see.
It definitely doesn't crack.
I'm going to blow you out of the water.
Just let's see.
Let's see.
Well, should we start with his actual age?
Yeah, what is your actual age?
I don't know that.
What is your actual age?
You're 38 years old.
You're a 38 year old man.
My biological age.
Yeah.
It might be extraterrestrial because it's 23.4.
Oh shit.
Boss y'all ass.
Boss y'all ass.
Oh no.
That is health.
I don't know if function health is accurate.
That is.
I don't know how accurate it is.
Accurate, bro.
That is.
That is.
You beat Mark.
Yeah.
You beat Mark.
I didn't say I would beat you.
I said somebody else would beat you.
Did you know?
You are younger than Mark is biologically.
Look at him.
No, this is what Mark is.
First of all, you're not even married.
It doesn't count.
Yeah, you're married and have kids.
You don't have a kid.
It's not even.
I'm shocked yours is as low as it is.
I saw it.
Yeah, I'm coming in at 23.8.
All right.
But he has a child.
That's three months.
That's three months.
He has a child and a wife.
That's barely younger than his.
Actual age.
No, but when did you take yours?
What's your delta?
He did his three, three months.
What is my age?
Yeah, what is yours?
I think I'm older.
I think I might be a few years older.
Who's got mine?
I'm 35?
I'm 35.
You're healthier than Mark because you have a bigger delta on yours than Mark does.
I don't know.
You got a dumb ass.
You got a dumb ass.
You brought out your delta, dumb ass.
But you said why you trying to talk about deltas?
I never even wanted to talk about deltas.
I know.
You brought out delta.
Now you're in third place.
Get some sleep.
No.
Yep.
I'm 23 over 29.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Divide his.
Now you know what Siki is.
Now you know all these religions in the world.
I'll teach you all this shit.
All the breathing shit, you do the.
Yo.
That shit ain't doing nothing.
I don't do that.
What's crazy?
He does all that breathing shit.
I don't even know what just happened over there.
Thank you for bailing me out.
I feel shit.
Upstate, you do your little breathing exercises.
That shit ain't doing nothing.
You need to take some time off, B.
Now the outfits and the nails make perfect sense.
Hey, I dress my age.
I know you're not.
What is your hairline on your function?
Can we get that?
That must have had a couple decades of shit.
No.
What is my.
I'm 35.
35.
Damn.
Take seven years off.
Damn.
That's how old I am.
I'm still old.
Even with my biological age, I'm old as shit.
Yeah.
Golly.
What do I take?
Anyway.
You can fix it probably.
Look.
Wait, how would I fix it?
I mean, I don't know why you look so tired when you said that.
I know.
I'm tired.
I try to shame you into, you know, taking care of yourself.
No, I look good now.
That'll make it crazy, bro.
When you sit down, you know, your stomach goes up and your belly just like flops over the whole interview.
That's what I'm supposed to do.
No, the whole interview, you're like, Is that your pubic hair coming so high?
Why are you sweating?
Son, I don't think you're 23.
No.
I don't think you're 23.
Hey, numbers don't lie, man.
But you do.
You do lie, though.
You are a liar.
There's a problem, you know.
Numbers don't.
Were you honest on the intake form?
Do you say your actual age?
Oh, that's right.
What are you talking about?
I was like, How tall did you say you were?
That's a good ass point.
I think now you have to show them your IDs.
You're built like a child, though.
For real.
You got a young body, you got short height.
Fuck, I'm fucking disgusted.
Yeah, thank you.
I'm trying to get out of it.
I think what Mark's trying to say is.
That's an old ass brain that's just backfired.
No, honestly.
The synapses weren't fired right there.
What I think Mark's trying to say is like, there's still hope you could still be growing.
That's what I meant.
Like, you might be able to get a couple more inches on you.
There you go.
It's a chance.
There is hope.
Highly unlikely.
Come on, man.
Gotta be optimistic.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Anyway, look, you can own your health for a dollar a day.
Think about that.
$365 a year.
That's a dollar a day.
You learn more and join Function using our link.
Visit FunctionHealth.comslash flagrant.
Use the gift code FLAGRANT for a $25 credit towards your membership.
Get your real age up, okay?
You should do it, not tell your girlfriend or wife, end up being younger than her.
Oh, yeah, deal with that existential crisis.
They love that.
They love that.
Also, my wife is still like shedding baby weight.
I'm supposed to get shredded while she's going through her.
Yeah, it's disrespect.
Shedding baby weight.
Yeah, look at this guy.
I'm trying.
And how much is he aging?
Oh, yeah, it's true.
Stressing me out.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, let's get back to the show.
I didn't realize you were such a thrill seeker.
This is news to me.
I mean, I think it's pretty much like.
There's people who are like, it's 247, all these things.
Yeah.
I feel like I just like fast cars.
And what does Wifey feel about this?
Um, could you take it easy, please?
That's that makes sense.
Yeah, could you not do something stupid and crazy?
Yeah, and then you continue doing it.
And then what's that?
Well, I just feel like I like, like I said, I haven't done the track thing in a while, right?
It wasn't like a I don't want you to go anymore, it was just kind of like a natural fall off thing.
The flying, she's like, yeah, do it.
She prefers fixed wings, she prefers a plane.
Yeah, she's like, yeah, learn to fly a plane.
Yeah, yeah, so yeah, but I haven't gone up in motorcycle.
I've never, no, I did it one time.
I did it one time and I was like, nah.
Never again.
Why?
Just is one of those things where it's like when you know your limits thing, where you're like, this ain't for me, you know?
This ain't for me.
The bike shit is crazy.
It ain't for me, dude.
There's people I know that like, the other thing is, I think there's a, like, in a lot of ways, if you start your motorcycle driving at 16 and you're 40 now, like, it makes sense.
Yeah.
But if you're like, I'm going to pick this up.
Nope.
It feels crazy.
You know?
You're a motorcycle guy?
Yeah.
That's what you ride around?
No, I mean, not anymore.
Now I have just an electric bike, like a dad.
Really?
No, but he had a proper motorcycle in New York City.
Yeah, still have it.
Still have it.
It's awesome.
It's the best.
I mean, I imagine in a city like this, that's also not that dangerous because you're in the city, you're going like 25 miles out of the top.
Yeah.
Then you go out of the city, you just go through like little winding roads.
I was never like a fast, like, you know, like motorbike guy.
My last experience, sorry, I did the motorcycle once and then I was in Australia and I went to Daniel Ricardo's ranch.
Oh, in Perth?
In Perth.
And he was like, yeah, like, like, I got all these toys.
He's got the dirt bikes out there, right?
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
So he's like, let's ride these dirt bikes over to the other part of the ranch.
And I was like, yeah, I don't know, man.
He's like, it's a fucking like whatever, 10cc.
I don't remember the.
He's like, it's nothing.
I was like, I just, I don't trust me.
He was like, these are fucking nothing.
I go, all right.
So he's like, just, I go, just tell me the basics, right?
I can't wait till we hear this story from Daniel.
And he's like, yeah, Tom just wouldn't stop begging me to get on the fucking dirt bike.
Every time.
Every time.
Just wouldn't stop pestering me about this fucking dirt bike.
He just asked him one time.
This was so clear cut.
Friends like you, by the way, who like everything happens to them, yeah, you know what I mean, yeah, yeah.
Like, my I have a buddy, I won't say his name, but it's just like, yeah, this girl is like begging me to come back to her room, and like just begging me to stuff my dick in her mouth.
I was like, all right, fine, I gotta do it for you, for her, yeah, she'd be so insecure.
I don't even like coming, it's just like, okay, go, go.
Well, he so we we fill it, he fills it up in this one garage, and then I go, just tell me, I don't, I go, I'm not an experienced rider, I know this is a mini bike, but like, what do I need to know?
And he's basically like, This is your gas.
I think, you know, up, up for like, there's like three, it's like three gears.
And he's like, and then these are your brakes.
Your brakes are right here, like on the, let's say the right side.
I'm like, all right.
So we're going up this hill and then we start like cruising.
And we're cruising this, say, let's say like 30.
It's like it's up this dirt path.
And I'm like, this feels good.
It's fun.
And then you're like, man, this is fucking rad.
I like this.
And as this thing comes up to the top, you see that there's a turn to the left.
So I'm cruising and I'm like, all right, well, now it's time to slow down for this turn.
So all I know is ease off here and pull this brake.
So I start to do that.
And I turn, slide out, fall off, right?
And it takes me a second to just check like, is everything okay?
So I'm checking.
There's blood coming out of here, there's blood here, but nothing's like broken.
I turn to Daniel, and he's laughing so hard that he can't even say words.
Like he's just in tears laughing.
And then he's like, huh?
He's like, you okay?
And I go, yeah, what?
I mean, I did what you said.
He goes, I forgot to tell you that, like, the left side is like the rear brakes.
So, you threw the front brake, yeah.
I mean, that would have been cool, yeah.
From someone who said, I don't know how to do this, yeah.
And then he just like patched me up, like, we had to clean everything and patch me up.
I was like, bro, like, you could have said, he goes, Yeah, I just forgot.
He's like, I need to have fun.
I need to have fun too.
It's fun to watch people eat, yeah.
Ricardo's the man, by the way.
He's the man, he's the coolest dude I know, yeah, for sure.
Did that, he did it right.
Oh my God.
Like he maintained a positive Daniel Ricciardo.
So if you watch, like, do you watch Drive to Survive, the Formula One show?
Do you remember when that documentary came out?
It was like a documentary about four million people.
It's white people shit for sure.
It's super white people shit.
But yeah, he's a coach or a driver.
Driver.
He's a driver.
Okay, okay.
But like he just maintained positive vibes the entire time.
Always.
The most hyper competitive.
There's 20 spots.
Yeah.
There's 20 people on the planet that get to drive the car.
Yeah.
And your teammate wants to take your fucking head off.
Nobody is your friends.
No one likes you.
Everybody's jockeying for another, you know, seat at a different car.
If you're, you know, what is it?
Your contract's about to go up.
And the guy won races and fucking made crazy money and he's got his life.
Oh, yeah.
It's awesome.
Standard Ranch Australian is fucking awesome, dude.
The Ranch is sick.
Amazing.
Yeah.
Amazing.
Yeah.
He is.
And he's, this is him.
This smile is this guy like all the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's handsome, like retired at 35.
Yeah.
Just having the best time.
Like, what have you been doing like so far in life?
Well, for like, 15 years I was a professional race since I was like 21.
Oh, and you have this great disposition.
Yeah, he's great, dude.
Yeah, he's the man.
But it is a crazy thing.
Think about that.
There are 20 spots.
How many jobs are like that?
No, I know.
It's like just 20.
Because even when you think about like pro sports, where it's like the elite of the elite, still 100.
In the NBA, there's 400 and some NBA players, you know?
NFL, 53 man roster.
You're still super elite, but this is like 20.
Yeah, that's it.
And it's kind of hard to conceptualize because you're like, well, what makes you good at just driving?
I know.
And they're so young.
Like when they get in, when they.
Now I feel like they're much younger than they used to be.
I feel like back in the day, the guys would have like longer careers.
Some of them last.
Long, you know, yeah, but but for the most part, these are like, yeah, they're like kids, and they go from they go from driving a go kart, yeah, to driving the fastest cars on the planet.
It's wild, it is weird that there isn't this like intermediary.
I know it's go kart, then it's like Formula 3, Formula 3, yeah, yeah, but why is go kart the best comparison?
I think it's the only thing that can be accessible to somebody who goes, I want to race, like, what could you possibly get into?
That's right, because all the other cars is just millions of dollars.
It's so much.
Money and even like you hear these stories of like Lewis Hamilton, and I'm sure a bunch of other guys where they're like, I wanted to race, even that go karting was expensive for us, and the people had to sell things and work second jobs just to let their kid go kart, yeah, yeah.
But we got to like talk to one of these guys and ask them like what the actual competitive advantage is because they're not engineers, right?
It's not like, yes, they understand the cars, and like some of them know how to fix them, etc.
But, like, what do they know that we don't know?
Well, the one thing that I learned, because I thought, you know, you see about these, like, how the budgets are crazy for, like, Mercedes, Ferrari, McLaren, and how these other ones have, like, a fraction of the budget.
And they also get some money from the.
But here's the thing that money goes into, like, even though you think you see, like, 20 F1 cars, these ain't the same cars.
F1 Budget Realities00:03:10
Oh, that is.
They're not driving the same shit.
Yeah, this is, like, capitalism in its most pure form.
Yeah.
And here's another thing.
Even the cars on the team are not the same.
Not the same.
And that's the thing that they try to pretend isn't the truth.
Yeah.
But like, Max's car might have 20 engineers working on it.
Yeah.
And the second car at Red Bull might have three.
And you could be a driver who's top tier and you get into one of those and you go, this car, like they know, they're like, this car is bullshit.
You know, like the way it handles, the whatever, like everything about it, they go, this feels like I'm driving a truck.
Yeah.
And you realize, like, oh, I thought it was the same.
Like, it's not the same.
It's not the same team.
They've different cars.
They make the car just as good.
So they say they do, and it's the same engine and the same parts.
But, like, the amount of people working on it to tweak it basically, what a team like Red Bull has to decide is hey, we got to keep Max happy.
And if the car is not that good, we have to deploy way more people to working on that car to get the most out of it.
And we can only really do that with one guy.
Oh, no, I'd be pissed.
If you're the second guy, there'd be 14 different scientists.
So that's the shit.
But that's the shit where basically, like, you got to be a politician in that game because you could have a stank attitude about it and then people don't want to work with you.
Or you could be lobbying the team constantly to get them to support.
Yeah.
Like there's all this behind the scenes drama that's kind of interesting that, again, there's 20 spots.
So if you're a fucking pain in the ass and you're not winning every race, they're going to go, I can get another guy to lose.
You forget how sensitive those guys are to the mechanics of like on a lap, what they sense.
So that's the competitive advantage, right?
I feel like it is because the same way that like you and I, anyone who works a microphone, We can feel a crowd.
We can feel a circle.
Yeah, this is Tinny or this feedback is here.
Those guys are like, this understeer, it doesn't feel right.
Something that I feel like most people would just be like, this is just how this car moves.
They're so dialed in on things that they know, well, I can't win in this car.
Andrew, you got to have a good neck.
You got to have a good neck.
And I think Ricardo told me, I was like, how much do you guys think about weight?
Like how much you weigh?
Oh.
And it's because, you know, everything counts.
And he's like, the.
Heavy in F1 is, I think, 160 pounds.
Wow.
You want to be under that.
You can't get dwarves doing that?
But you can't get little people?
Maybe.
They have midget racing.
Yeah, you're right.
That's the cars, technically.
Maybe that's the secret to it all.
We need a car.
Right?
Like, I don't know.
Why not?
A top tier little man driver?
Would that not be a benefit?
I mean, there's people who try to cut their legs off to compete in Paralympics.
You ever heard of it?
Jesus Christ.
Yes.
There's like dudes that are like.
Maybe they cut them off.
So, like, they'll have like.
Maybe they'll have a little man.
Baby-bodied people.
Get the fuck out of here.
That, maybe.
That's another level.
The one I've heard of is like people that have like a spinal cord injury, they'll have disabled legs.
So their legs don't work.
So you might as well hack them off.
So you might as well chop them off so you can roll around faster.
And the guys that roll around with no legs go a little faster than the guys with the legs.
Weird Times For Sports00:14:23
So the dude will go to the doctor and be like, Can I get my legs back?
He's like, No, you're never getting your legs back.
He goes, All right, chop them off.
So I'm getting the gold.
All right, I'm competing for America.
I'm making the team.
But there, like, think about like Michael Jordan.
Jordan never cut off his legs.
Without a doubt.
Yeah.
Jordan never cut off his legs.
No.
No.
No, but that Ronnie Lott story, you know, the finger.
With the finger.
Yeah.
I respect that.
What is that?
Ronnie Lott got his finger caught in a face mask.
And it was the kind of thing where anybody would be like, What are we going to do?
And they're like, Well, you're out of this game.
And we'll whatever.
We'll go to the hospital and do whatever.
He was just like, Just take it off.
Yeah.
Like cut it off.
Oh, yakuza.
Went right back in the game.
And they did?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Who's the trainer?
Who's the team?
We live in a new era where the teams have to pretend they care about the athletes.
Yeah, yeah.
Like they put you in that little tent.
They're like, We have to see if you got a concussion.
And it's really just a guy in there like, So you're gay?
Yeah.
100%.
Are you a fucking bitch?
Yeah, look at you, you pussy.
But you don't remember your fucking birthday.
So, what?
Get out there and hit the guy.
Do you remember what a nickel defense is?
Yeah, good.
Get out there.
It's this many fingers broken.
It is a little, it is a weird time for sports where they have to pretend a little bit more.
They have to pretend.
And football, more than like that whole thing is like a big pretend thing.
Like, we're football, like, we know what's happening.
Yeah.
They don't give a fuck about you.
They literally treat them like cattle.
Yeah.
Like, that's the way they use people get like, they're like, they just take away your key card to work to walk in.
That's how they cut people.
Yeah, they're just like, your shit doesn't work anymore.
Like, they don't give a fuck at all.
You almost played college ball, right?
No, I played high school football and I almost played, I almost played like small D3, D2 ball, but I was like, I'm definitely done.
And I also, they told me before I went, was that not exciting enough?
But well, the thing was when I, the one I was going to go to, they, the admissions office called me in June or like end of May and they were like, I was like planning on going.
And they're like, your math scores are so bad from high school.
You got to take a math class this summer in order to come to school here.
And I just was like, I'm not doing that.
And it was just like, okay, goodbye.
It was like, that was it.
And then in August, like two days before camp, the line coach called me.
He's like, we're excited to have you, son.
It's going to be like, you know, the whole speech.
And I was like, oh, I'm not coming to school there.
He was like, what?
I go, yeah, you guys said I had to take a math course.
I didn't do that shit.
And he was like, what the fuck?
He's like, no one told me that.
I go, I'm in the I didn't have your number.
Like, you guys told me that.
And it was just like, all right.
And he was like, bye.
And we just hung on.
I was like, yeah, I'm just not doing that.
So it was just a disinterest in having to do math and also being like, I'm not.
I was, once I got in college and I saw how hard the guys worked that were on the team and like what I was doing, I was like, there's no fucking way I would do this.
Also, for like D2, D3 football.
Yeah.
D2, D3 basketball, even if you're riding the bench, it's fun.
Your whole body isn't destroyed for the rest of your life.
D3, you were playing the line?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like your brain is going to be different.
Oh, yeah.
From practice.
For what?
For nothing to do.
For the love of the game.
We won a championship.
D3.
Yeah, no, no, you're totally right.
And I saw that, like, these guys, their off season conditioning, where they were getting up at like five.
Yeah.
And, like, you know, it was just, like, so much work.
And it really is, like, the truth is, if you really, really love it that much, I could see, like, I did it.
I played D2, D3, and I was, I loved it.
Yeah.
But I knew that I didn't love it like that.
Yeah.
You know, like, I loved it when it was, like, fun and I got to play all the time.
And, like, you know, it wasn't that type of commitment.
Yeah.
And when I saw, like, how, I was living in college.
I was like, there's no way I could fuck it.
Where'd you go to school?
I went to a tiny school in North Carolina called Lenore Ryan, like a small, small school.
What is it?
Lenore Ryan.
Lenore Ryan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the only school I got into.
I didn't think I was going to get in anywhere.
Yeah.
And the high school guidance counselor?
Like, I went into the office, I went to a small prep school.
And he was like, For football?
No, no.
It was just like, we moved.
I was in Milwaukee at a big public high school.
And then we moved to Florida, went to the small private school.
I was a terrible student.
And I went in to see that counselor.
And he was like, You know, you don't have a lot of options.
And I was like, Really?
He was like, No.
He's like, Your grades are terrible, man.
I was like, Okay.
And then, He left the room, and there was a piece of paper on the desk that had my class's GPA of everybody in descending order.
So you could see, like, all the way down.
And I'm looking at it, and I'm like, probably in the middle, right?
And then I flipped the page.
And I'm second to last above a guy named Rocky.
I was like, fuck.
And what was Rocky like?
Dumber than shit.
I mean, it's dumber than shit, literally.
If you met Rocky, you'd be like, bro, this guy.
He's living up to the name.
Rocky was a box of hammers.
Like, he could barely fucking spit a sentence out.
Yeah.
And I was like, holy shit, I'm almost as dumb as Rocky.
And then he was like, where do you want to go to school?
And I was like, for some reason, I got locked in about Denver.
I love Denver.
I visited once and I was like, I want to go to DU, Denver University.
Yeah.
He was like, good fucking luck, man.
I was like, okay.
So I sent them an application they denied me.
Okay.
And then I was like, shit.
And I go, I don't know where to go.
Like, he's like, I mean, he's like, and I don't know why he pulled this school up.
He was like, This is a school.
It's in North Carolina.
It's in the foothills of the Appalachians.
It's like a small, picturesque kind of college town.
And I was like, All right.
I went on a visit and I was like, I don't want to go to school here.
Like, I don't want to go to school here.
And they were basically like, Well, like, tell us where you want to go.
I remembered that even though I had the fantasy of the big college experience, I didn't want to stay in Florida.
Like, I probably could have gotten into like some big, University, but I was like, I don't really want to be in this state anymore.
And so I applied and they let me in.
They let me in and I just went super small, really small college.
But as soon as I left, I was like, all right, I need to go to like a bigger college.
I went to Boston.
I did real estate for the summer.
Then I went to DC and I worked for America's Most Wanted.
And then I went to LA.
Doing what?
I was a researcher.
I would research stories for them to do profiles on.
Don't we know who's most wanted?
Well, but they have to.
What's the reason?
There's so many fugitives.
But they need it to be a good story because it's television.
So you had to discern if this most wanted person is also wanted by the American public.
Basically, it's like, who is this person?
What's the story behind it?
And would this be a compelling story to produce?
But also, is the person like.
Worthy of a profile on America's Money.
People get caught from that show all the time.
Hundreds.
Oh, so it was good.
Oh, the show was in.
There was a show at one point, Fox was like, we're canceling the show.
And the backlash was so severe that they're like, we put it back on.
No way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you discover any cases that got solved later?
I did.
The funny thing is, I interned there.
I got an internship when I was in college.
So one summer I interned there.
And that's how they offered me a job after I graduated.
And at one point, I was only there.
My first day was September 10th, 2001.
Okay.
So.
What happened soon after?
Tuesday was kind of wild.
There was something that was wanted.
Yeah.
We just started profiling terrorists.
That's a fun pitch on the 12th.
I got an idea.
Yeah.
Story of the Lightning.
We're coming to Torre Gorin.
It was real crazy, but I did pitch.
I had like, they would give you like these research documents.
And I was like, how about this guy?
And it was this guy who had been convicted of some horrible crimes in Costa Rica, American guy.
And then he likes to bribe his way out, and they were like, This guy's a nightmare.
So.
I pitched the story in the pit there and they take it into consideration.
Then I had an offer to re up my contract and I said, no, I'm moving to LA.
I want to pursue entertainment.
So I moved to LA, but like a month later, they're like, hey, we're going to do that piece that you pitched.
Do you want to go on location for it as an associate producer on it?
And I was like, yeah, for sure.
So I was able to go to Costa Rica and do the piece with them.
But it was.
It was a really chaotic kind of world to dive into these stories, you know.
Like, you see the eight minute version of it when you're like reading this stuff every day.
I mean, it's gnarly dudes, gnarly dudes.
And they caught the guy that guy.
I don't remember actually if they caught that guy.
We caught a number of people even the short time I was there.
But you know, anybody you caught that you were like, This guy's not that bad, like, he read his stuff, and you're like, Ah, he's just robbing banks, like, who cares?
There would be things where you were just like.
This is not that exciting.
Yeah.
You're looking for like exciting.
And then, I mean, the show's credited with Whitey Bolger, you know?
But wasn't Whitey kind of an inside?
Well, there's that whole story, but I'm saying him getting caught is credited to somebody watching the show because they featured him all the time.
All the time.
Yeah, but like everybody knew Whitey in Boston.
Yeah.
It's not like.
Called the FBI director.
Yeah.
He's like, he's one of our guys.
Whitey was like working at a flower shop.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They look similar, though.
And I thought they caught him outside of Boston.
They caught him in LA.
Yeah, for sure.
They got him in Santa Monica.
Yeah.
Was it a little sketchy doing these pieces, though, because these guys have a vested interest in not being caught?
Yeah.
You know, and then you are like a young kid doing like these investigative pieces.
Like, was there ever an internal conversation?
Like, hey, don't let people know you're working on this?
Like, not really.
I mean, the thing is, law enforcement would treat you like you were celebrities anytime, you know.
I got pulled over in DC and they saw like my hat and they were like, you've been drinking.
I was like, mm-mm.
And they're like, is that America's most money?
I was like, yeah, I worked there, like, oh, that's tight, man.
Can I get that hat?
I was like, yeah, here you go, man.
That's crazy.
They loved the show.
Yeah.
I mean, he did uncover also a serial killer.
Oh, that's right.
Partially his time during working on the show.
This gives you way more credence when you think about it.
He's a journalist.
You're a journalist, especially an investigative journalist with people who do violent crime, kill people.
Yeah.
And one of the things that one of your side quests in life, as you have many side quests, is there is a serial killer on the loose that happens to be tracking Garth Brooks.
Yeah.
I mean, Allegedly.
Allegedly.
We got to put that out because apparently he's quite litigious, this guy.
Things can, this guy's got deep pockets too, you got to remember.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what's crazy is that like talking about GB, GP?
He, we talked about just how weird his social media is.
That's how this all started.
Like you saw his Facebook.
Yeah.
He's doing like Raw stuff with him and his wife then?
No, no, when he joins Facebook.
Cool stuff.
Can you get that up when he joins?
This is.
This is how this all started was just commentary on this guy's.
Hey, I just decided to join Facebook.
It's one of the weirdest things that I've ever seen.
He's like, So I just joined Facebook.
And what he says in it, you're like, This is like an alien fucking talking.
Are you familiar with Garth Brooks contextually?
Just that he's a country singer.
I don't know what he looks like right now.
Iconic.
I know he's big.
Yes.
So big that he didn't put his music on Spotify.
He's like, You got to buy the album still.
I don't know if that's Amazon.
So he was like, he's like, you can't get Apple Music.
And they're like, you can't find Garth here.
He's like, my shit's on Amazon and at Walmart.
And Facebook.
Yeah.
Was he the one who didn't want to put his name on when we were talking about it?
No, it was a different one.
So this, just so you know, is like the first thing I ever commented on.
And this was what he put out.
I just thought it was weird, dude.
Well, I guess it's official.
We're now on Facebook.
I really wasn't sure about this at the start.
But then a friend of mine said something that just made all kinds of sense.
She said, Think of it more as a conversation.
I like that.
But I'm already finding out on my own.
So it's wiping the walls out between you and me.
And I really like that.
It allows us into each other's worlds, or I guess in my case, the hotel room.
When I think about things I want to post, I want to post cool stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff.
Oh my gosh.
The most stuff I'm going to post is going to be raw stuff like this.
This is just who I am.
Yeah.
So if this is truly a conversation, then I say let the conversation begin.
All right, that was it.
This is how we think all white people are.
Yeah.
Really?
This is how we think you guys talk at home and shit.
I mean, it's so weird.
Slick stuff, cool stuff.
But it's like the voice stuff.
It's like.
I like that.
Like he drops into a different.
Yeah, it's just like, it's awkward.
Yeah.
All I did was like say how awkward it was.
Somebody's got this fucking first person that time ever seeing a video.
Like it's so strange, you know?
We just talked about it.
Then he did another like press conference for something.
Awkward Voice Drops00:12:57
I was like, that was weird as shit too.
Like I was like, this guy's kind of, there's a thing where somebody gets to a level of fame.
Like you can, you might not realize how famous he is.
Oh, he's number one.
He's the highest savings.
And also, selling country artists' fault.
Unbelievably talented, so talented.
Like the shows are incredible, and when he and literally he'll put a stadium on like a legit, like where the giants play, and it sells like you're selling out a club.
Like they're like, I was sold out, yeah, wow, sold out like that.
Okay, so so so famous.
And I think when you're so so famous for so long, socially you become kind of awkward.
You've seen it all at Madonna, Michael Jackson, but yeah, you just get Tom Cruise dancing on the couch.
It's weird, yeah, yes.
So I just kind of was like, this guy's weird, man, you know, and I jokingly.
Said that like there's missing people, and I don't know, they kind of line up with places he's been.
But was that a joke or has that actually happened?
I mean, I completely just said it as like an alleged silly thing, right?
Okay.
And the funny thing is, you know, from being in this space, that the like as people start to give that legs, the easiest way out of it is if you're the person and you want, like, because they started to like take over his social media, is just to like.
Lean into it or say acknowledge, just say something, be like, Yeah, I chopped up some, or like, I'm not a killer, whatever, pick some angle.
Yeah.
But like the full ignore makes people get louder and louder.
Yeah.
So they just got louder and louder.
They took over.
He would do a post, there'd be like 5,800 comments all about, I want my grandmother back.
Like crazy.
People were just like, I want to see my family again.
They just went crazy.
And, Oh, this lasted a while.
He shut out no more comments.
No face, you can't comment on his Instagram, on his Facebook, nothing, just shut it down.
And then I was like, wow, this is crazy.
And I wasn't like hitting this up every day, it was just something you just kind of threw out there and it took off.
Eventually, I met somebody whose family member worked closely with him.
And they were like, I was like, does he know?
And they're like, oh, yeah, he fucking knows, dude.
He knows you.
He knows what you said.
I'm like, are you mad?
He goes, the family said, guard doesn't hate anybody.
And I was like, okay.
And then they said that he said, that Garth saw my basketball injury video and said, karma.
That's the camera right there.
But then, like earlier this year, I get it.
Just Garth watching the video.
Somebody on his team sending it to him.
You're going to love this.
I love this.
Cord's got some slicks.
They got this.
We get this book at the studio.
And I'm like, this isn't real.
And I flip through it.
And then they're like, I see clips of this guy.
A guy wrote a book about.
Is Garth Brooks a serial killer?
No.
He did a full.
Bodies in Low Places, which is a play on Friends in Low Places.
That's his song.
That's the only country song I know.
Yeah, that's on most people.
Great song.
Yeah.
But this guy does a full examination.
Two brave journalists there to expose the music industry's darkest secret.
Yeah, it's so strange.
Tom Segura and Burkreiter.
Two detectives, one kid.
That's awesome.
It's just so silly that.
Something that literally started as a commentary on that video I showed you.
Wait, Matthew Cox.
Is that, do you know this guy, Matthew Cox?
He's like, I think, yeah, this guy right here.
I don't know.
He's a big podcaster.
He goes on a bunch of podcasts.
Yeah, okay.
And I forget exactly what he did before.
He had some type of like criminal past and then like got out of prison, like talks about like his life in crime.
There's a few guys like that.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a good lane.
He's one of those.
He's actually really entertaining on pods.
I've never met him before, but he's a, that's shocking.
He turned into this shit, dude.
Yeah.
Bro.
You can't have him on the pod.
You know, that would just give more fodder.
I mean, I don't know.
But yeah, it could be fun.
Yeah, it could be fun.
I've always, we tried, I tried to get Garth on because at one point they reached out and they said, Garth's going to do some interviews.
Would you like him to be on the podcast?
I go, of course.
So they were like, write something that we could show to one of his people.
And that's where the book came.
I just write this whole thing about how I would love to have him on.
I'm like, you know, just.
Very much interested in having him on and interested in his career and all this and that.
And then the person that I'm talking to says, Oh, I had a conversation with their guy.
And this is like how lazy agents and shit are.
The agent told my guy, instead of confirming, he goes, Didn't he say something crazy about Gar?
Like instead of looking at him, he was like, I feel like that could go wrong for him.
Like I feel like that guy has said something.
I'm like, You just fucking Google it.
Yeah.
But eventually they're like, Yeah, he's not coming.
Not happening.
Not happening.
No, I think we need to make that happen.
Yeah, that would be awesome.
How do we get Garth?
You have Garth on here, and then you just have me walk out.
Oh, hey, partner.
America's most wanted to have a cowboy hat.
I could get John Walsh here to be.
We've been looking for you.
Yeah, I mean, that's all.
You are weirdly tuned into internet culture.
I remember when I was doing your pod.
But is there any credence to that?
Yeah, so what is it?
Like, if somebody writes a whole book on it, there's got to be some.
I haven't read the book.
But it's also, it's like, hey man, weren't you on tour in Lafayette?
You know, there's a missing person there.
You're like, yeah, I mean, yeah.
If you tour the country, people are missing around the country.
So you could put it to them.
I don't think so.
Allegedly.
Also, it's very.
Reasonable to assume that if you have a stadium full of people, there's a serial killer in there.
Sure.
Someone's going to die after the show, man.
It's kind of crazy.
Yeah, they're following you around the country.
85,000 people.
They shot them.
Yeah, something went wrong.
They definitely killed somebody.
No, but what I was saying is when I was in your pod, I remember watching this guy.
I'm going to fuck him, I forget his name, but I'd always seen you connected to internet y stuff.
For guys our age, it's kind of odd to know deep internet shit.
Yeah.
Even when I come into the office and like the young folks in the office, like I'll say certain things, they'll kind of laugh at me, like, How the fuck do you know about that?
And I'm scrolling while I take a shit and then I see something.
But it was, it was, it was this tailor in Singapore, Hong Kong, or Hong Kong?
Yeah.
I thought it was Singapore.
They would like sexually harass the guys that he was making suits for.
He messaged me yesterday.
Yeah.
Okay.
After I did your pot and we talked about it, he hit me up.
Yeah.
And he's like, Dude, we got to do a suit or something like that.
And I was like, I don't know about that.
But it, It's the guy's hilarious, he's hilarious, yeah.
And I think you know more like his father was a very famous tailor, or something like that.
The place is called Sam's Tailor.
And in Hong Kong, Hong Kong has this really interesting history of, well, for many things, but there was obviously a lot of Indian immigrants that came, right?
Yeah.
And one of the trades they brought with them was suit making, like actually, you know, the clothing.
And so there's parts in Hong Kong that it's just like tailor after tailor.
And a lot of them are Indian, right?
Like Indian immigrants who ended up there.
And his father's place, where he is now, Sam's tailor.
Is like, they've dressed.
I think the last six US presidents have gotten suits there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The walls are adorned, like a lot of this place, with just famous soccer players, actors.
I mean, like a lot of people have gone to this place.
It's like super legit.
I saw his videos and I was just like, they're hilarious.
Like, same kind of thing.
I'm just like, you got to get up a video to play them.
So, this is the example of it.
Scroll, We'll find a good one.
This is how you get into Illuminati, right?
Get him with like a male.
A male, and then like, In his office?
Yeah, in like the fitting room.
Yeah, keep going, Has he stopped doing this kind of content as much?
No.
Okay.
Keep going.
Just have him standing next to like this.
Is this his personal account or is this Sam's?
It's Sam's Taylor.
It is surprising that there's not more of him.
Like that, scroll up, that guy on the left there.
That's what he does.
Go.
Young American boy.
How old are you?
41.
That young?
Yeah.
Are you short?
Yeah.
This young American boy is actually Polish.
His parents are born in Poland.
They emigrated to the United States.
And this bastard sold out fucking Lewandowski and Europe to be part of fucking Trump's ICE regime.
Oh, shit.
Fucking cunt fucking sold out to Trump.
You know what I mean?
I don't even understand who does this in this world.
You know, Trump is bombing Iran, destroying fucking everybody.
Bastard.
You have Lewandowski.
You know who is Lewandowski?
Who's Levin Dossi?
Who's U.S. Striker?
U.S.C. has the World Cup bastard, doesn't know who's Levin Dossi.
You pay for this shit?
I thought it's insanity.
I would hate this shit.
The smell's like a Yang disgusting fucking bombing pig.
Deep fries, fucking hell.
No accent, maybe accent color.
Cannot decide accent color.
Cannot decide U.S.C. or Poland.
Buckhead of his pocket with a curving kick.
There is the peak of my pocket.
Yeah, the kid's like, what the fuck now?
Fully lined, your face is burning.
Huh?
Overlapping buttons on a fully functioned cup, even porky pig here.
Jesus fucking Christ, porky pig is absolutely gift wrapped in my 4D fit.
Let me give you one thing.
He may be porky, but he's got his own fucking Chinese skin here.
Motherfucker comes to China, picks up a Chinese gift as well.
Okay, let's see, let's open him up.
That jaw is swollen, really.
The glory of the inside, lovely.
I mean, in the shirt, see you.
Wow, look at the sponginess.
Let's sit him around.
The sponginess.
And as you can see, no matter how porky you are, no matter how shivering now, no matter how non pole you are, whoever you are, I will absolutely gift wrap you.
Absolutely gift wrap you.
How would you do with that, do you think?
No matter how hard I go, this guy's so strong in the glutes.
This is.
Chinese massage.
Yeah.
Pause.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How would you react to this type of Taylor?
I mean, it wouldn't get that far.
Yeah.
You pay for this?
Well, no.
Well, sort of.
Yo, give me $1,000.
I'll insult you and smack the shit out of you.
He doesn't do it the same to everybody.
It's not the same treatment to everybody.
So some of them he just sexually harasses.
You got to get the little Asian.
Find him with a little Asian.
He goes.
He was really aggressive with it.
He's not, he always has aggressive energy.
Yeah.
It's not like always face smacks and like insults.
Sometimes he's just like, Like, overly effusive with like, like compliments, but he's just like really in there.
He does custom work, you know what I mean?
Whoever you are, you're getting a custom treatment.
Yeah, that was, um, that was pretty, that was a lot.
That was a lot.
That was insane.
Yeah, that was really cool.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Right here, let's see it.
Listen, what you got, brother?
I'll start.
Single button, a glorious pearl button, a deep prestige on a peak lapel.
Check out what has he got?
He's got my Richie Platzman, the Imagined Dragons, packed pockets.
One, two, three.
Last time he said, I was a coffee cat nonsense.
Like, this is his son.
Oh, okay.
So it's not going to happen.
He changed up the energy a little bit.
Yeah, yeah.
Different energy for his son.
Thank God.
I see.
I know.
Yeah.
But I see you like finding these like weird characters on the internet.
Yeah.
I mean, that's been like my fascination for, you know, we started our podcast in 2010.
Wow.
Wow.
So, like, it really did become from like, you see a weird or funny or crazy thing and being like, yeah, I want to talk about that.
I want to play that.
I want to dissect that.
Shower And Mystery Shots00:16:07
And sometimes I want to find that because that became what it became was like first we would just laugh, talk about it, have people like you where you go, let's comment on this.
And then this whole thing became like, oh, can we find this person?
It became big enough where they want to come on this person.
And that became a fun thing.
It's like we've found numerous people that a lot of times you see a video and you're like, I don't know, this isn't like this person has a business and everything.
But sometimes it's like just some random dude and the video has like eight views.
And you start talking about it, and then all of a sudden, one of your fans is like, You know, that guy's in Highland Park.
I know that guy.
You're like, What?
And then you kind of try to connect, and sometimes you've Zoomed, sometimes we've had people come in, but it's always been like an exciting thing to break down who these people are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you kind of discovered Andrew Tate that way.
Yeah.
Infamously.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You really put Tate on, dude.
That's so funny.
People have been saying that to me since.
But he was, for us.
Hold on.
Can I pee real quick and then we talk about?
Okay.
So your response.
For the man, save it, save it, save it, save it.
All right, guys, take a break for a second.
I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't realize how much water quality actually matters until I switched to Jolie.
Okay.
What's Jolie?
That's what you're asking.
I'll tell you right now.
Sometimes you can be doing all the right things, using good products, taking care of your skin and hair, and something still feels off.
You know what that is?
That's your water quality, okay?
You can't have good pizza without New York water.
It's really two places on the planet where you can have good pizza, and it's Italy and it's New York, and weirdly in Tokyo, but they figured that thing out over there.
Regular shower work can contain chlorine and heavy metals.
Great on pizza, horrible on your skin.
Yeah.
Okay, horrible for your hair.
What makes a slice of Joe's amazing?
Probably all those chemicals and medicals, whatever I was just talking about.
You taste the chlorine, you're like, oh, this is nice.
That's what's good about it.
You ever have a slice of pepperoni and no chlorine on that bitch?
That's terrible.
You don't even want to eat it.
But Joe Lee, that's where they come in.
Okay, would I suggest putting it on the faucet in the pizza place?
No.
Would I suggest putting it as your shower head?
Yes, it's a proven filtered shower head designed to remove those impurities.
Those impurities that make a pie delicious but make your head horrible.
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Yeah, yeah, Brooklyn bedding.
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Speaking of bricks.
Yo, yo, don't do that.
What?
The Hawks?
Don't fucking do that.
Speaking of the Hawks, bro.
Nah, you're talking crazy shit right now.
The Alana Hawks, bro.
Nah, nah.
Shout out my boy, Mikal Bridges.
Listen, I thought it was a good shot.
I thought he had a good shot.
I thought it was pretty good.
He tried his best.
That's all you can ask for.
He was the best on his team in high school.
What type of shot he took?
Free throw.
Why are your sneakers so red?
Why you got the Atlanta Hawks sneakers?
Why you got the Atlanta Hawks vans?
Oh, shit.
No, no, no.
I'm not a Hawks fan.
I like Trey Young, but that's the extent of it.
Does he play for luck?
No.
Fuck.
Didn't this happen to you?
You are getting soft, Taylor.
You would never tolerate shit like this back in the day.
He got a nice fit, so that's why he gets a pass today.
He actually put it together really nice.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
Give him that.
Nah, I'm not giving him shit.
He's wearing the nighttime version of my fit.
That's all it is.
See, why you got to mess it up?
What?
You're biting my whole neck.
See, fuck this dude.
I tried, I tried.
So, what happened with your Knicks, bro?
What happened?
Yo, Knicks are taking it.
Yeah.
Knicks in five.
Doing it.
Five.
That's it.
And I don't want to hear anything about it.
What's the odds we got right now on Calgit for Knicks in five?
66% and going down.
Damn.
There's a million dollars in volume put on this right now.
Nixon five.
I'm going to be honest with you.
That's easy.
If I'm being completely honest with you, I'm probably going Nixon six.
Come on.
I want to have delusional confidence, but it's eroded after years of torments.
Okay.
So I'm going to be safe and go Nixon six.
What do we add, Nixon six?
This is just the whole thing.
Is that your tummy that just did that sound?
Yeah.
Yo.
Yo.
What?
That was insane.
I thought your cell phone was buzzing.
Did you pick that up?
I got a call from my phone.
I was like, yo, the subway was coming through the subway.
I never heard nobody's stomach.
What was that?
That was the first time I ever heard anyone's stomach besides my wife with the children.
I'm being dead serious.
I always thought hearing your stomach is only you could do it.
No, anyone can do it.
Nah.
That's how you know Mark's fasting again.
Are you back to fasting?
I had three eggs this morning.
Yeah, I don't know what's going on.
How'd you have them done?
Scramble.
I always go scramble.
With a little butter mixed in.
Cottage cheese, you ever do that?
Beside the point, I don't know what's going on.
Nixon seven.
Fuck it.
Yo, chill.
No, no, Nixon six.
What are we at?
It's the same.
This is 65%.
This is just that they win.
Oh, it's just they win?
Yeah.
Serious.
Oh, well, shit.
Well, Nix definitely winning.
Did it just go down while we were talking about it?
Yeah, because you got bad Oracle in here.
Something happened, bro.
I've never heard of something.
I would do that.
I'm worried about what's going to come out.
Oh, you'll see.
Is that sound going to come out of your mouth and your ass?
That sound doesn't stay.
Yeah, I don't know what that was.
It's got to be some sort of like cancer.
Must be.
Yeah.
My biological age just went up a little bit from that.
Every rumble goes up.
That was the loudest stomach I've ever heard.
Can we see what the magic odds are?
Let's see.
I bet you the magic got it.
I bet you the magic will win the whole series.
Here we go.
Magic versus Detroit.
Let's go.
Okay.
All right.
Well, it's a minor step back for a major comeback.
Orlando's leading 1 0.
Damn.
That's all I'm saying.
Bro, yo, they won and they still.
No, what was it before the game?
Zero, that's great.
What the hell?
$650,000 worth of all your little broke ass cities.
Tell them put their money up, yo.
Tell them put their money up.
You put money up on the broke ass city.
How much are y'all putting on the next?
How much?
I put it up.
Did you guys just hear my tummy?
Well, should we connect?
You can hear it, right?
I don't think that my stomach sound goes out.
Everyone else has a tummy.
Did you hear my tummy?
I got two kids.
You got to tell me, you little child.
I just farted and that, I literally heard it here and then it came out.
It went all the way through.
Guys, I don't think you can hear my stomach sound.
I heard a little.
Has anybody ever heard your stomach?
No.
Really?
No.
Nixon Six, but in all serious, Nixon Six.
Al, in all serious, Nixon Six.
Okay.
Shout out you and your stomach.
Thank you.
We know what's in there.
Nixon Six.
Your stomach's got so many, it looks like the chair from Game of Thrones, but made out of dicks in your stomach.
Cave of Bones.
There you go.
Yeah, that's what it looks like, Al.
It got so many relics of dicks in there.
We all shoot.
Yeah, we all do that.
You the hoop.
All right, let's get back to the show.
I'm all about like cheering and like booing, and that call sucks.
But like when you start like yelling crazy shit to somebody, personal stuff, you're like, what are you doing, man?
My favorite thing to do is just butter up the refs.
You talk to the refs?
Oh, all day.
That's a great call.
They got numbers, and I'd But I'm like, yo, fantastic call, ref.
And I butter them up.
Look at this American boy.
That's a dude.
Beautiful strikes.
Do they give you a look?
Oh, of course.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, you know, that was a charge.
That was a good charge.
It was.
And not a lot of guys saw it.
Those other two guys didn't see it.
You're seeing everything.
I go harder.
He's feeling so.
Yeah, it's okay.
You can miss one.
He's going to miss a call.
Everybody misses one.
But I butter up hard.
Like, that's how I feel like I'm helping the Knicks.
Yeah.
I saw that.
That, um, because nobody is more entertaining than Garnett in this post playing world, like his storytelling, everything is just unbelievable.
Yeah, but he was doing it, it was a montage about he was saying what the old refs were like.
I don't know if you've seen it, it's unbelievable.
Get it, I'm joking, dude.
Is he talking about how today's refs versus the he's like, like, yeah, yeah, he's like, those refs would be like, you, yeah, and like, he would they would like literally call the players out, call them names, yeah.
Like, just he's like, it's a completely different world, but like, in his style and story, I mean, he's so fucking entertaining.
He, him and Paul Pierce, it's in the dynamic is just they kind of were podcasters, yeah.
Like, they have this, they're way too famous to be talking and sharing the opinion.
You saw his JR Rider MJ story, Kevin Garnett's.
Oh my god, dude, that is about when he talked to MJ.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have seen, I've heard different versions of this, which some of this could be complete fabrication, but that story.
It lines up with the video.
Like everything about that story is about.
I see it.
You see that he says something.
Get that one up as well.
Wait, should we watch that one or this?
Do the old school wrestling first and then look up the other one while you get that.
So, this is Kevin Gray talking about J.R. Ratton, but play this one.
Man, old school wrestlers talk crazy to you, dude.
They used to talk to guys like they could fight.
Like Mike Mathers would be like, hey, it ain't a foul.
And I said, you know what, man?
It's a foul.
They'll keep talking to you.
You want to play tonight?
Like, you'd be like, oh, man.
Like, straight up.
And Steve Jonah would look at you and be like, I wish you would.
Like, I'm going to get everybody.
I wish you would.
I'm looking at you.
And then the real cats in the league, like Charles Barkley, Carmelo, Michael Jordan, they should talk crazy back to these motherfuckers.
Yeah, bitch, I'm looking at you.
What you looking at?
I'm looking at you.
I'm like, damn, Javi, you good?
Yeah, I'm good.
I'll throw that motherfucker out.
I was like, damn.
What?
Damn, it turned into some real shit.
Oh, shit got real out here.
Yeah, plus, it's a different world now.
Wow.
I think there's too many cameras now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You pick up everything.
Pick up everything.
Players are mic'd up randomly.
They have to do all the time.
Yeah, yeah.
Where back in the day, I don't remember a single lip reading video.
It never came up.
Yeah.
Nobody ever brought that shit up.
Yeah.
You just see the fucking action.
Yeah.
You almost kind of want a little bit of the anonymity.
Yeah.
You want a little bit of the mystery.
Like maybe we don't need all these fucking cameras.
Cameras are fucking it up.
It's fucking it up.
Because you want them to act in a way where they're not being observed.
And they're all mic'd up too.
So it's like cameras and mics.
Yeah.
And this, I don't know if this, just to give, if it's not set up correctly, Give me context.
It's Garnett is on the Timberwolves, and JR Ryder is too.
Mike has like an okay, let's say, first half of the game or third quarter.
And Garnett says to him, I guess it ain't dropping today, Mike.
You're like, yeah, JR, keep doing your shit.
Keep on him.
And there's like a break, like a timeout.
And JR's like, shut the fuck up.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shut up.
Like, you don't do that.
And even JR goes over to Mike and he's like, hey, man.
He was really good.
He's a rookie man.
He don't know.
But I just don't know how much of a setup is in this.
Jay's story.
We in Chicago.
It was my rookie year.
JR is having a good game.
So as we come out the timeout, I was just like, yo, keep killing that.
Killing that right here.
Mike can hear me.
Nigga stayed on me for about 15 seconds.
So now MJ on the back leg joint.
I can't even really describe the next six to seven minutes of play, though.
We get two, not one, two 10 second calls.
We're down 25 now.
It was just at two.
Mike had 18.
He had like 40.
JR, myself, we ain't scored in like about four minutes.
Then I subbed like three of the starters.
I was like, JR, remember my bad.
It's cool, man.
I told you.
Just shut your up.
They got bad quick.
There's also a little backstory here because when JR Ryder was coming in the league, there were talks about him being like the next.
Intense Basketball Minutes00:07:05
The next, yeah.
And MJ don't like that.
He doesn't like any of that.
Ain't no next.
What happens if you're a writer?
What happened to all the next MJs, man?
Yeah.
I mean, he had a good career.
Sure.
Yeah, he had a good career.
But yeah, no, no one's the next MJ.
No.
Damn.
Okay, can you tell us a Tate story?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So the way it's like the same we were looking at those Sam's Taylor videos of what is it?
Roshan, I think is his name.
Tate, the way that Tate actually first became a thing was like these clips where he was sort of misogynistic and rude, but it felt very performative.
Yeah, and you could see it.
He was like, When a woman brings me coffee in the morning, she should bring me two cups of coffee.
If one isn't warm enough for, if I finish it, I want my second one there.
And we were like, this is ridiculous.
When they say, Do you want still or sparkling water?
I always drink sparkling water.
Still water is for poor people.
So we would play this and comment the same way we comment on the Taylor clips.
I remember he had one and he was like, Something about paying.
And he was like, Yeah, I always.
Bring out my card because it never gets denied.
And then people were like, You mean overdraft protection?
We would just kind of roast him and play this very silly thing that I was like, Yeah, this guy's saying this thing that has like his an angle to it, but this feels like shtick, deliberate.
Yeah, there's a performative aspect to it.
So somehow, some way, I don't remember like the thing, it was like he was coming to the States and he was like, Um, agreed to come on.
I was like, That guy, dude, that's amazing.
So we came on and he was.
An A level guest.
Yeah, yeah.
I remember that.
I remember even Christina being kind of charmed by it.
Dude, we were like, I remember at one point he was, because he was saying all this stuff.
He was like, dude, this one thing he said that people were like, wouldn't you get bored of a woman that just does everything you say?
Like, he asked, he was a rhetorical question.
He was like, no, I'm like, bitch.
Of course, I'm not going to get, but I had a coffee, but I spit my coffee every day.
And she was laughing hysterically.
Yeah, yeah.
And, and, We left there.
First of all, he was like such a gentleman.
Sweet about it.
Yeah, you were like, oh, like you're a smart guy.
Yeah, yeah.
And this is your thing.
Yeah.
You're also looking at it through comedian lenses where we've seen archetypes like this pass through a thousand different ways.
And it's like, okay, this is another internet personality.
And there's a little shtick there.
Yeah.
And you actually go, like, I've seen this archetype.
And this is a very refined version of this because he actually would dance between exaggeration and like pure, well formed logic.
Yeah, very philosophical, very articulate.
Yeah.
We're like, this guy's a great guest.
Of several months later, where it's like his name and everything starts getting bigger, and then people are saying all these things about him.
You make him a star.
I make him a star.
It's my birthday, and I'm doing this show in Chicago, and it's on my birthday.
And I did not know that they had put together a montage of people saying happy birthday.
So I finished my show, they wheel out a cake, and they have the screen, and it's just like comedians.
It's just like, you know.
Bert and Sebastian and Joe, like everyone being like, happy birthday, happy birthday.
It just cuts to fucking him.
And he's saying happy birthday.
And it's the day after he's accused of like trafficking.
Right.
And I'm, I'm again drinking.
I think I'm drinking like a beer.
And I'm like, and I'm like, guys, like he's fucking, he's wanted.
And then, and everybody after them was like, yes, you put him on, you platformed him.
And I was like, yeah, we had him on as like a, Entertaining guest, you know.
Um, and he was super nice, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was very funny.
Sometimes it goes wrong when you have entertaining guests on the pod, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, we would know nothing about that at all, but no, you've never had somebody come on that something happened later.
Um, because he reached out to us, he like, have you talked to him at all?
He emailed, we emailed a couple times.
He was like, doing uh, he was like, I'm coming to do another American tour or whatever.
It was well after, but that just, I don't think he ever came or anything.
It was, but it was a perfectly polite.
Um, yeah, yeah, it's totally normal.
Wow, um, yeah, it was it was crazy.
Was there anybody that you saw that you were like, This guy's so entertaining, but I don't know, something's weird, and then all the time, like, well, I mean, just like a lot of times, huh?
GB, yeah, there's well, there's just times where you go because you you learn this thing of like, I'll play a video of somebody, yeah, and then you go, Should I have this person in studio, you know, like, even the ones that you go.
How just like is this person stable, right?
You know, that's like we had this one guy who was he always had he was just like, you know, sucking on your friend's nipples isn't gay, it's what the Spartans used to do.
And we're like, what?
And and he had like all these just crazy things like, you should cup your friend's balls, like that's how that's actually the straightest thing you can do, like all these types of things.
We're like, what?
So we were like, should we have men?
We had a man, he was like, can I just be nude during this interview?
And I was like, no.
I was like, there's women here.
Like, you can't, no.
So he did it in his underwear, you know?
Like, one of those things.
But then you kind of go, you're talking to him, you're like, this is a perfectly nice guy.
Yeah.
You know, he's a little out there.
But some of them you go, like, I don't know if this is like an unhinged person.
Yeah.
So you start to develop a sense of like, who can fall apart, like in the DM.
Like, you respond to a funny video and some guy hits you up like angry or he's like pissed.
He wants money, like, all the time.
Really?
Yeah.
How do you deal with that?
I mean, I've just had, there's the one thing is like, Because I don't know, like, we just play these clips, and it's like someone's like, You played my clip, I made that clip.
And you're like, All right.
It's a weird thing because you're reacting to the internet, and we do it here too, because it's just a fascinating thing on the internet.
Yeah.
And then some of these people on the internet are absolutely fucking batshit crazy.
Crazy.
Yeah.
They're crazy.
Yeah.
They're crazy.
And I think most of the time you ignore.
Yeah.
I mean, some people have gone so far as to like send documents.
You know, wanting something, and I'm just like, cease and desist.
Yeah, yeah.
And I'm like, fucking, whatever, dude, I'll give the document to my lawyer.
Go ahead, deal with him.
I mean, I'm not, you know, they make their case of like why we shouldn't play it.
I'm like, we won't play it again.
You're not that fucking fascinating, dude.
Yeah.
It's like, there's a funny clip, you know?
Yeah.
But most of the time, people are, usually people are excited.
Internet Personality Chaos00:11:25
Right.
I go, you played me, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that probably makes their whole life, right?
Like, some like small creator all of a sudden gets to go on a huge show.
I think they get, yeah, most of them see the upside to it of like, oh, you widened my, fan base you know you got more eyeballs on me yeah you stretched out this moment You know what I'm going to ask you?
Yeah.
Because every time I go on tour, I feel like I learn from the last tour.
Yeah.
And I want to compress, reduce what I do.
You don't do a crazy amount of dates, right?
It depends.
Like, I don't do like the long stretch.
So I do like a weekend warrior thing.
Right.
Yeah.
But you don't extend that like forever.
I did the last one probably, I don't know, we did like two years maybe?
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
But it was Thursday to Sunday kind of thing.
Friday, Saturday.
Friday, Saturday only.
Maybe even.
That is like pretty.
Yeah.
That's better for life.
That's the thing.
Like, I just had a kid and like.
My wife got pregnant again, so we just had another one.
And it was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's, I wanted to, I wanted to be home as much as possible.
Okay.
You know, but also like get out there and do it.
But that's the tricky, that's the balance.
And did you road dog it a lot in the early days or no?
All the time.
You did?
Yeah.
Cause I didn't know if you were just like New York, New York, everywhere.
No, like I pretty early started getting out on the road.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
I was out on the road pretty early.
Opening for people?
I never got that experience.
What?
I never got that opportunity.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So like I kind of just kind of went out.
I got some MTV, you know, luck and then, uh, Did some shows there.
And then, like, I would do the weekends.
I would do the club weekends.
You're headlining.
Headlining, yeah.
Out of the gate.
Not out of the gate.
I mean, years in, I developed an hour into like the shitty, you know, one nighter type of things.
And then once I got into the, once I got to be able to do the clubs where they could kind of paper the room.
Yeah.
Like, I was on TV and I couldn't really draw, but it was enough where you could paper it.
Yeah.
And I know what you mean.
Paper to room for anybody watching is basically like the club will give out free tickets.
Yeah.
And like, basically, they will sell full drinks.
And they're like, if it wasn't you.
Exactly.
But like, maybe.
You get to a point where, like, there's a little of you exactly.
It's a slow kind of yeah, and I remember doing that.
And then I remember once I started putting out some stand up, I was able to like fill the rooms now.
And then I did another round where I filled them and they were paying, yeah.
And then I think I did another round where they were paying, but I was still on like the shitty door deal, not even the shitty like guarantee, guarantee you get a $200 bonus, you sold it out, right?
Yeah, it's like, yeah, you sell out.
Yeah, I remember there were clubs that would give me more than the bonus sometimes, and I was so stoked.
I was like, What?
I get more than the bonus?
And it was like, they felt so bad that I was getting $1,500 a weekend or $2,000 a weekend, and it was like five sold out shows.
They're like, We got to give them something.
I would muscle them for more.
Tell me.
I would go into that thing, and I was like, I sold this shit out.
And they're like, I know, but your deal is this.
And I was like, Do you want me to come back here?
Oh, how ballsy.
They're like, Yeah, I'm like, You know what to do, man.
That is fucking ballsy.
I was always so like, Grateful to have the weekend.
And it wasn't until like the second time around where I sold them out, where I was like, let's do a door deal.
And that got aggressive.
Yeah.
Then I was like, hey, if we're bringing it all in, there's a guy who even gave me, he goes, this is what, so like, there's, it's all, it's a process.
Yeah.
I was like, set, like, when it was clear that I was selling them out.
Yeah.
This guy was like, I'll offer you X amount, which was a good amount of money guaranteed.
And I was like, I don't want the guarantee.
I want the door.
Yeah.
And he was like, but this guarantee is awesome.
I go, yeah, it's not as much as the door.
Yeah.
And he was like, right.
The guarantees for the stock, and I was like, What are we missing here?
I'm telling you, I want the deal of the door.
I think I can get those people in, and he's just like, This is crazy.
I was like, No, it's not.
And then eventually, early, you're asking for well, once like I just understood the business so well, so early, I knew exactly how things work.
But was that not how comics were doing it back in the day?
Were they just taking guarantees?
Well, it really depended on the power of your draw.
So, like, there was people who, like, there's I don't want to tell anyone's business, but there's comics.
Who are pretty good draws that don't want to have to worry about the degree of it.
So they'll just go, I'll take, I want the guarantee.
Give me that.
I can just, I don't have to think about it.
You fucking do the work.
And once you're selling tickets, you kind of just figure out what works.
If you're like, I like with almost certainty, I know this is going to sell.
Let's take the door.
Percentage deals are just better.
Yeah.
They're just better.
So I would just like be like, no, I want that, dude.
I know it's better.
I had to like push an agent of mine back in the day for it.
Same.
Yeah, and he was an amazing agent.
Love him.
And like, he was actually, yeah, he was great.
And, but part of what made him so great was that he had these amazing relationships with the clubs.
So he could get a no name comedian into a club.
I know exactly what you mean.
Yeah.
But the problem is, like, when you get to a point where you're like, okay, like I've gone two times in the club and they've made tons of money and we drew, I think it's time that, you know, now I get whatever my fair share is here.
And it took me kind of like muscling him.
It does.
It does.
Yeah.
The clubs try to be sneaky.
I had a friend just recently, you know him, that had a sellout bonus structure and it was a substantial bonus.
And he gets to the payout and like they're doing the settle up and they're like, yeah, you were two tickets short.
Yeah.
That's exactly right.
And he was like, two tickets short?
He said it was sold out.
They said, yeah.
Right before, you know, two people refunded their tickets, like minutes before the show.
And he was like, this is insane.
And he had to call his agent up to be like, what are you guys doing?
Yeah.
What are you doing?
But stiffing him out of like a substantial amount of money for like a young comic.
I had a guy who goes, uh, He owned the club.
He was a knucklehead.
He was a sweetheart, but he was a total fucking mess.
Can you give me a state?
And he's like, he goes, hey, I had 100% door deal.
It was 100% of the door.
Yeah.
He was like, great weekend.
This is at the end of the week.
He's like, it's a great weekend.
He goes, can you guess how much you made?
And I go, no, I can tell you what I made.
He's like, what do you mean?
I go, well, there's no guessing.
Yeah, I know how many seats there are.
I go, the seats multiplied by the ticket sale.
It's this.
And he goes, pretty close.
I was like, it's not close.
It's exact.
And he goes, really?
I go, yeah, man.
did what I just told you.
And he goes, hold on a second.
He's like, let me get Donna in here.
I don't know.
I was just Donna in.
And he goes, he's saying it's this.
Yeah.
But I think it's this, which his number was less.
And she was like, it's his number.
And he was like, well, goddamn.
And I was like, yeah, man.
I mean, it's not a guess.
I mean, you heard the stories back in the day where like your opener would take a counter.
Oh, yeah.
And they would, while you were on stage, count each person that was in the club.
Cause the rumor has it that some clubs would say that it sat.
That was a big thing.
But it sat 340.
Yeah.
And then that was.
I remember when I was out with Charlie Murphy.
He had his cousin with him.
Click, Charlie took me to dinner one time.
I'll never forget this.
The funniest sentence anyone's ever said to me.
He goes, You think Oscar de la Hoya could whoop your ass?
And I was like, What?
I was like, Oscar de la Hoya?
I go, Fuck yeah.
Of course.
He's a world class boxer.
And he was like, Keith Sweat thinks he could whoop Oscar de la Hoya's ass.
What?
I was like, Why?
He goes, He thinks he's too pretty.
I was like, Keith Sweat would not know it started.
It'd be the fucking craziest knockout of his life.
He's like, He's, He swears that he could kick Oscar.
Oscar is a dog.
Man.
I don't care what he wore.
I don't care what his shenanigans were.
That motherfucker was a dog.
When you see in person a pro boxer just hit mitts.
Oh, it's crazy.
There's a whole other thing, man.
Alex has said this exact thing 10 times on this podcast.
Yeah, Alex doesn't think white guys can beat him up.
White guys?
He doesn't think white guys can beat him up.
Like you versus McGregor.
No, not fighters.
Regular white guys.
Regular white guys.
All of them?
I could take all you guys.
Probably Zayn Duck.
Damn.
Probably.
Maybe.
You look like you're in shape.
We did this.
I did talk.
Okay.
I can barely run two and a half miles.
He needs a train to run two and a half miles.
First of all, I'm mostly with you.
I mean, you know there's these sleeper white guys that are fucking savage.
Yeah, the game has changed now with like Jiu Jitsu.
He said he could take Jake Paul.
But that was a while ago.
Is he less white now?
He's not.
Did he get a little black ribs?
He's been actually taking the sport seriously now.
When they first started.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
No way.
Come on.
But there's also like this, not even trains.
You're just like in some town and fucking, you know what I mean?
Like big old Greg just walks in and you're like, this guy will put someone's head in the air.
You're a drunk guy with cauliflower ears?
I'm crazy.
I'm mad.
You don't play around anymore.
You're sweat confident.
But I'm with you, dude.
I'm with you for most of it.
Yeah.
For most of it.
Yeah.
Have you been in a couple fights?
No.
I mean, There was one college bar fight, but that wasn't like.
What happened?
You square.
It was chaos.
Just fucking melee.
Everybody swinging.
It was a melee.
Yeah.
And the thing that is one of those things where I just lucked out that the guy I was with, he had his foot stepped on by this one of the guys.
And he was like, hey, man, you stepped on my foot.
So it was kind of like, all right, my bad.
And the guy did it again.
But the second time was definitely.
On purpose.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And the guy was a big dude.
Like he was 6'5, probably 260.
He was a big fuck.
And he grabbed the guy and he just was like, boop.
And you can see the guy's whole face fucking.
And that guy had a couple guys with him.
So, as they start swinging, we're in this booth, we get up.
But I didn't even know that I was at this small college that like the whole offensive defensive line was hanging out back here.
I didn't know they were in this part of the bar.
So, as we grab this guy, they come.
I mean, this is all like D2, big fucks, dude.
And they come.
And then it's just melee.
But it was like now it's like 15 on three.
Yeah.
And then those bouncers were like, just everybody.
Just everybody.
Just throw everybody out.
Yeah.
But that was like, I didn't get into like a lot of fights.
Yeah.
I got jumped in fifth grade.
Damn.
That was, that sucked.
What'd they get?
It was, it was just like, no, it was just like at school.
I was, I was, I moved a lot.
So I went to a lot of different schools.
I'm just walking in the parking lot, like going to recess or something.
And these three kids just come around the corner, just like, knee, punch, pop, pop, just like leave you on the ground.
I was like, oh, you know, just, Left for dead.
And the worst part is like, it's fifth grade.
Yeah.
So they have to, like, the teachers have to tell the parents.
And then my parents were like, yeah, we talked to his parents.
I was like, ah, fuck.
Movie Set Memories00:15:02
And like, what now?
They're like, well, we talked and we think you guys should hang out.
I was like, what?
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're like, you know, like, make a man.
Like, I was like, I don't want to fucking hang out with the dude that just need me in the stomach.
Yeah.
So I just go to his place and just sit there.
Yeah.
And just sit and like his parents, I remember his parents both smoked and the place was like full of smoke.
You started to understand why he was so angry.
Yeah.
He felt bad for me.
I kind of did.
Yeah.
And then I was just like, all right, good hang, man.
I'll see you tomorrow.
But that was like the extent.
It wasn't like a violent upbringing.
Damn.
Yeah.
Were you and that kid cool after that?
Yeah, we actually were.
Actually, it still worked.
Yeah, it kind of did work.
Yeah.
He sold me some GB.
Yeah, GSP.
Damn.
Tell me about the, because I know that we probably have limited time here.
Tell me about this show.
You have a second season of the show coming out.
Yeah, Bad Thoughts.
Yes.
I don't understand how you're able to do all these things and manage all these things, first of all, but like, The second season, how many episodes are we at?
We're at six episodes.
Okay, six episodes.
17 sketches or stories, whatever, yeah.
Oh, so they're okay.
So you're going to put multiple within the episode?
Yes, every episode usually has three.
Got it.
In them.
And these are like vignettes, sketches.
Yes.
But they're shot not like a sketch, it's shot like each one is its own movie.
That's exactly right, yeah.
So I did a pilot.
I did the pilot of this.
You funded it yourself.
Myself several years ago.
The idea.
Was once we had filmed a few of them, we were like, oh, this is like a show.
And I had only used, I have a pay per view platform that we kind of developed during the pandemic where you could sell tickets for like special ticketed.
Yeah.
We would do like live podcasts.
It was just a way to like try to do a podcast that was elevated.
Right.
I remember that.
That had like, yeah, that had like a little more to it and also no rules, no restrictions.
So when we did those, we would film sketches to be part of that live experience.
And we sold a bunch of tickets doing that.
So we learned like, oh, there's a, There is a market for that.
And so then what happened was I was like, you know, we've never done like a just like an entertainment based narrative thing.
I wonder if we did that and put it on there, if people would buy tickets.
Because if they would, it would inform us to the point like maybe you can make like a movie and put it on.
That was like the concept.
But when I had that pilot, I showed it to my eight.
They're like, what have you been?
I go, I made this.
They're like, you have to shop this.
You absolutely have to shop this.
And so it was like weighing, do I try the ticket?
Because that's what I was planning on.
Right.
Or shopping it.
Well, basically, the first place we took it to was Netflix.
I had a relationship there.
We showed it to them first and they bought it.
So that's what led to it being a series.
And then the first one came out last year in May and the season two, we just, We're delivering now, it airs in May also, but it's all new, like characters, all new stories.
But that one of the big emphasis of the show is that, like, I like sketches, but one of the things I always didn't like is how they look.
So I was like, I want these to feel more like short films, you know?
Yeah.
And so we, like, our DP, Nico Wiesnet, is like a brilliant guy.
And every single one of them has like a very distinct look and looks very cinematic.
Some of them look just absolutely stunning.
But that's deliberate.
It's like, it's fun to, I think it's funny to take like a premise that's ridiculous, but shoot it beautifully.
You know, so it's kind of like, I think it's one of like the characters of the show is having that be throughout.
Yeah.
That's, yeah, that's really interesting.
I guess that is, I'm trying to think of like sketch where they've done that, where it like feels very elevated and real.
I like the early Key and Peel stuff for what it was.
Kind of, sure.
Seeing it on YouTube in like 2010, you're like, oh, this is a TV show, but it's, For free on YouTube.
And then I feel like if you went back, maybe like Monty Python was probably shot on film, right?
Right.
100%.
And then some of the SNL, what's it called?
Like their.
Yes.
Yeah.
Digital shorts.
The digital shorts will sometimes have like a real look to them.
I always liked those.
I think it helps the comedy.
I think so too.
Because if you're not presenting something as fake immediately, I can get lost in the reality.
Because sometimes it just feels so flat.
Flat.
Yes.
100%.
Here's one set and everything's operating right here and it has that like a multi cam look.
Yeah.
Whereas like, yeah, if you get people lost in a world, Yeah, the formula for us, I feel like, is like make it really cinematic.
Also, play everything like it's, yeah, this is Shakespeare or whatever.
Like, this is really serious stuff.
And then make it absurd.
Yeah.
And push it.
Yeah.
Are there any this season that can you give us any of the premises?
Oh, my God.
This comes out in May, by the way, on Netflix.
But, well, one of them.
Tease a fun.
One of them is that I'm a middle aged dad that drops off his daughter at college.
And then I decide to go to college.
And I'm really intrigued by the Black fraternity.
That one's very fun.
There's one where.
I'm a 19 year old girl, and I get back from my semester abroad with very suggestive tattoos.
Okay.
Some of which you could say are extremely offensive.
Okay.
I rationalize them.
Okay.
Where are you abroad?
I was in Paris.
Got it.
Okay.
Okay.
Trying to think without the.
Oh, there's one where I'm at a fertility clinic.
Nice.
Yes.
And.
While I'm making the deposit, I get a FaceTime call from a family member.
And I feel like the call pollutes the deposit.
So then I fight to get it back.
There's all types of things like that.
Yeah, it's not exactly incest, but you can't be thinking about your family.
Yeah, you can't be thinking.
And the nurse tries to explain to me that that's not how it works.
And I'm like, I think it is.
It is.
Yeah.
Can you share any that you had to cut?
Were there any that were so close and you're like, we just can't do it?
Well, the whole process is like you start, obviously, and you build out in the room, in the writer's room, you end up with like, And you realize, like, we're doing six episodes and you got to have at most 18.
So you end up cutting so many, like, you and ones that you're on the fence about constantly.
I'm trying to think, my brain is so rattled from being so in post with this.
Our post schedule was fucking wild.
Yeah.
Last year we shot in October and delivered in May.
This year we shot in February.
We deliver in May.
Wow.
So, like, all I've been is just thinking about.
What we're doing, and there's you know, there's the notes and the edits and the music, and thankfully, like that really is managed by like Jeremy Connor, Rami Hishash, Tyler Cornack, and I just weigh in.
But those guys are in it, they know what it is, they know the tone of the show, yeah, oh yeah, and they're in the bay every day, they're in there every day, yeah.
Editing is grueling, dude.
I flew out a couple times to get in the bay, and like I get they're in LA right now, they're in LA.
I get in, I get links to like watch and then comment on them, but there's no substitute for being in there because when you're in there.
You literally watch it and you're like, didn't we do this take?
And then they literally pull it up and you're like, oh, here it is.
Dude, the way that they organize footage now is like unbelievable.
I was talking to a couple of guys on the movie that I was doing, and it's like, we were doing reshoots, and I was like, how is it like, what did you guys do when it was just actual footage?
Yeah.
And so, like Tarantino shot like Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, I think on actual like 30, is it called 39 millimeter, 36, 35 millimeter?
So I go, so what are they doing?
They're taping things together.
And he goes, well, what they do is they have digital versions of that footage.
They do all the edits on the digital versions and then they match it to the tape.
That's bad.
I didn't know that.
Otherwise, you're cutting tape.
Like that's how they made movies back in the day.
They had spools of tape, splice, organize them per scene.
And then are cutting and patching together.
So, how many times realistic, like the movies that we saw back in the day on tape, that wasn't the best take of every scene.
Definitely not.
It might have been the only take.
One, it might have been the only take because the tape is expensive, but also you're like, am I really going to cut this?
Insert another thing, tape it together, watch it.
No, give me back that other one.
Like, how much shit is on the cutting room floor from back in the day?
Literally, yeah.
Do you ever hear, by the way, how Eastwood shoots?
Oh, you get one take, my boy.
One take.
And if you try to push back, he's like, Do you want to go home or do you want to?
He's like a ref.
Yeah.
And then he doesn't say action, you know?
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah.
He says, whenever you're ready, go.
Because when he came up in those Westerns, action would scare the horses.
Wow.
Right.
So he never, because it would startle them.
So he's like, whenever you're ready.
And you just do it, cut, print, let's go.
And everybody's like, can I?
No, you can't.
No.
I saw there was a guy, I'm forgetting his name, really funny character actor.
I think he had like some wrestling background too.
He's kind of like a bigger guy.
Paul Hauser?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure that's it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's hilarious, but he's also an amazing actor.
Amazing.
And he was talking about how he did a movie with Clint where he was the lead.
And basically, he was, people said he was the only guy that got to do more takes.
Yeah.
And I think he had told Clint, hey, I'm not used to doing this.
There might be some times where, like, I need to find it a little bit.
Yeah.
Do you mind?
And then Clint was like, yeah, sure.
That's crazy.
Matt Damon said, yeah, like, you get two takes and this is it.
That's it.
Yeah.
And I'm working on a South African accent.
Dial in for six months.
Yeah.
Can I get another?
Nope.
Nope.
No.
That's it.
We don't waste your fucking time.
No.
I'm 90.
Let's go.
It is like once you've been on any set, the idea of.
Do you like it being on set?
Yeah.
Sitting around all day?
No.
But the actual acting itself?
Acting is fun.
What I like is building the scene.
So I like if we have a scene, I'm like, you're with the director and you're with the actors.
Like, I want to know what the director wants from the scene and what his vision is for the funny.
Yeah.
Because it could be completely different than what I'm trying to add to it.
And then I want to be able to pitch some stuff and, like, have it kind of like, whenever we're doing run throughs, if we get the opportunity, I'm throwing things out.
Yeah.
I'm kind of like feeling things out.
And if it sticks, then we go.
That part, even if I'm not in a scene and I'm kind of watching it and be like, oh, what if this happened?
I like that part of it.
Yeah.
Sitting around all day, coming in, doing one line and, like, the other actor isn't even there for your coverage.
Not fun at all.
No, no, no.
Making something fun.
Very fun.
I agree.
Feels kind of like joke writing.
Yeah.
Oh, what if I set him up for this?
And it's, yeah, that to me is cool.
It is cool.
The whole script, like, oh, there's no character arc here.
What if we put this here?
And that type of stuff is exciting.
I think so too.
Yeah.
Why?
What about you?
You like the acting?
I love it.
I love it.
And I love, you know, stand up is such a singular solo kind of endeavor.
The idea that, like, we're all trying to make this work together, especially if you have a good team.
That collaborative feel, the idea of like what would make it, and also when you go, there's this time too where sometimes you're like, all right, this is what it is.
Like, this is the scene, and somebody suggests something and you realize that it elevates everything.
That's very exciting, fun thing to be a part of.
Like finding what the funny in the scene is.
Yeah.
And to me, in my experience, it's not, it doesn't happen on the day when you press record.
It's before.
It's like, oh, what are we trying to get out of these?
Like, what is the tension in this?
Like, what are we trying to do, and where does this go?
And I will be honest when we did the movie and we did Street Fighter in Australia because it's like impossible to film anything in America, especially LA.
It's just so fucking expensive.
Yes.
There is something, and I would hear boxers talk about it all the time.
Like, don't put your fight camp in your home city because you have too many people that want you to do things and you'll end up doing them.
Doing a movie in a foreign country where you don't really know anybody and nobody on the crew really knows anybody.
Great.
You just have a singular focus.
Yeah.
Like, are you free Saturday?
Yeah.
I'm not doing anything for two months.
Yeah.
Always free.
Yeah.
And in a way, as much as I want, like, I have my fam out there, but like, as much as I would love to film, like, if I want to film shit in New York because I just love New York and I want to do everything in New York and that's important, yes.
If it's an action movie or some like wild movie that doesn't need to be in a city where the city's a character, Take us away.
Yeah.
Because then everybody's on the same page with one goal.
You're totally right.
You're totally right.
Yeah.
Being away is key.
And leaving the country is even better.
If you're in Austin, think about the amount of things that you're going to be pulled to do.
Pods or a meeting or dinner with the family.
It's everything.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Being away is key.
That's why White Lotus was the greatest show of all time.
Inventing a show that you're like, yeah, we're going to go to Italy for nothing.
And then they just fucking hang out.
Or the Oceans movies.
Oh, yeah.
I heard how that was partially like how they got them to do like the second and third.
They're like, okay, you can all live at George's house in Lake Como.
Okay.
Yeah.
Sounds good.
I saw that clip of Liam Neeson talking about how he, when he got taken, he was like, I'll be honest.
I thought this was like a straight to DVD movie, but I saw that it shot in Paris and I was like, I'll spend six weeks in Paris.
He's like, that's where I did the movie.
Yeah.
Sandler's that way.
Sandler puts his in really cool locations.
Hawaii.
Always Hawaii.
It's like every time Hawaii.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's the move, though.
Like, that's the goal.
Yeah.
So, definitely to pick awesome locations, that would be the goal.
That is the goal.
Yeah.
Go with all your boys, make something awesome, bring the family out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I'm always just like, I think this makes a lot more sense in Italy if we would do this.
Bad thoughts.
I only have them in Amsterdam for some reason.
Yeah, it should all happen there.
Anyway, dude, I want everybody to go check it out and make sure.
Are you going to be doing the road anytime soon?
I'm not going to go on tour until 27.
Valuable Time Off Touring00:00:57
Good for you, man.
Yeah.
It's been a lot of touring, man.
It's been a lot of touring.
Yeah.
I get it.
But I also think time off is valuable, dude.
It's been a lesson.
I think it helps a lot.
I think it makes you live.
And then you have something to talk about.
More time for helicopters, time for choppers, fucking 1,700 horsepower cars.
And then, like, yeah, it just gives you a chance to enjoy life, have some balance, experience some things, talk about it.
And it is good to pull back from the incessant road schedule.
I love that.
That's kind of been the way that I've.
Gone about it because I find I don't have anything to talk about that's different than the last time.
If I just keep touring, yeah, and then I'm telling you different versions of the same jokes exactly, and I feel guilty because I kind of want to give them, I want them to come and be like, What the was that?
Yeah, and that happened if you take a little time off, yeah, I think so, yeah.
Anyway, Tom Segura, thank you so much, thank you very much, my boy.