Matt McCusker details his 15-year drug dealing career, including a $15,000 robbery and a "light kidnapping," before transitioning to social work after witnessing opiate devastation. He debates Bad Bunny's Super Bowl fit for global audiences while promoting his October 7th Netflix special. The conversation shifts to parenting-induced risk aversion, marriage struggles with pornography, and critiques of algorithmic news manipulation that flattens politicians like AOC into 2D caricatures, ultimately warning against relying on social media pipelines for truth. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Selling Drugs and Getting Robbed00:10:05
I try to make the argument that selling drugs is addictive in itself.
I did for like 15 years.
I quit embarrassingly not that long ago.
Did you ever get robbed?
Yeah, for sure.
I got robbed at Club Point one time in West Philly trying to buy Perker Steps.
That was embarrassing.
A guy just busted out a Billy Club.
Like, I'll smack your ass.
I was the last guy to get robbed of Club.
Living Tot?
By your wife?
Yeah, for sure.
We were like dating, and I was in her apartment.
We're in the apartment.
I was in her bed.
Hold on.
I want to get like a guy in office hard.
Hey, yo, what the fuck?
Actually, it was like a late kidnapping.
I was like, you're not going anywhere until I get my fucking money.
I take him to the T-Mobile store and we walk in there.
And I'm like, yeah, he needs a new cell phone.
He's just sitting there, just like looking at his feet.
And then at one point, he goes, help.
And I was like, shut the fucking fucking shit.
Bad Bunny's the biggest music star in the fucking world.
I'm a fan.
Is there a song about like his being horny for his aunt or something?
You literally have a bit in your special about wanting to f ⁇ your aunts.
No, that's one.
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagred.
Hello.
It is great to be back.
I'm very excited for this first episode back that we have a hilarious comedian, successful podcaster, a shaman, sorts, a man of many talents, a radio play in the near future coming.
It's coming.
It's coming.
So I would love to talk about that.
And a Netflix comedy special, a humble offering coming out on a date that you specifically.
I did not ask for.
They were saying we're going to do it in January.
And I said, all right, I'll take January.
That's a while's out.
Hey, we might do it in October.
I said, that'd be great.
What's the date?
And they're like, October 7th.
And I said, that's, hey, we'll do what we have to do.
That's what they said.
Yeah, I mean, you know, it's funny.
It's all like bringing it up to people.
I'm like, they gave me October 7th.
And they're like, so what?
And I'm like, remember that thing?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just so long ago, dude.
It's not really what we're doing.
That was like last year.
Yeah, that is a while.
On the year anniversary.
You know, it's funny that I saw you promote it and I did not forget the date.
Yeah.
So I wonder if this actually is like working out in your favor.
It's like October 7th is going to work 20 years.
That would be a horrible thing to come up on.
Yeah, it'd be a horrible thing to bend in my favor.
Yeah, it actually worked out pretty well for me.
But people need to cheer the laugh, you know?
They do need a laugh.
They'll be happy.
They need a good laugh.
True.
Yeah.
That's what we need right now.
We need a good laugh.
Also, I just want to say you're welcome to the Puerto Ricans.
Okay.
The Puerto Ricans have been.
I also think you've shaved your face just to look more Puerto Rican.
This is the actual Bad Bunny.
I never thought you were Puerto Rican until yesterday when I saw this goatee.
Let's go, my people.
Yeah, thank you.
I will love it.
I did.
But can you explain to me?
So basically, I told you this earlier, but like a few months ago, I had this take where I was like, there's no way that Bad Bunny's the biggest movie music star in the fucking world.
Like there's no way that he can do the Super Bowl.
And it's because he's, and Robbie said this really well.
He said, he's actually like too universal and like football is an American thing.
Right?
And I said he was incredibly wrong.
He was doing this two months ago?
No, I had no clue.
That's why I said it.
I was like, why would they be?
He's just always wrong.
I called Bad.
I said, you called Bad Bunny last.
He's definitely perfect for the Super Bowl.
He's definitely big enough to be the Super Bowl.
I don't know if you said that.
I did.
I said all that.
I never said he wasn't big enough.
Dielsa didn't say shit, did he?
No, no, no, I did.
He said he did.
Somebody made this video.
I'll only get Puerto Rican when Bad Bunny gets brought up.
He's ever Puerto Rican.
He's like, sometimes J-Lo, you know?
I like, listen, I don't know a single song of Bad Bunny, but I like him as an actor.
I like him in WWE.
I'm a fan.
But the guy doesn't have a song in English, so I thought it'd be difficult to do.
Did you ever translate his lyrics and actually read them?
So I've just started that with Hitler, but I'm gonna jump there.
You're kidding.
Bad bunny is definitely next.
They're very graphic.
I've like translated his lyrics to see what he was up to, and it's pretty wild.
Is there a song about his being horny for his aunt or something?
Oh, there's a song about it.
Hold on.
I'm sorry.
You literally have a bit in your special about wanting to fuck your aunts.
No, that's why.
Literally, in the first 10 years.
I was thinking when I was a boy.
Yeah.
You just think about what your uncles get to do, and you're like, But some of those aunts aren't related to you.
And they're not related.
Exactly.
Yeah, but he literally said, I didn't know which ones are related and which ones are not.
One of my uncles is a gay dude.
One of my uncles.
I'm going to do research on this pod, bro.
You don't know.
It was just any moral stance on that specific.
He's trying to get ahead of it.
He saw the tape.
That's your girlfriend.
They weren't like your real aunt.
It was like, my uncle had an aunt when we were like little, like real little, and she was so hot.
And me and my brothers, we'd all like line up and hug her.
So we'd try to hug her like three times.
I would talk to my brother about, yo, how many times you hug Aunt Janet?
She's like, I got two.
I'm like, fuck, I'm going to get another one.
He's bossing me when I hug his aunt.
Yeah, girlfriend answered.
Oh, man.
Is she still in the mix?
What happened to her?
It didn't work out, unfortunately.
Damn.
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll figure out.
Your cousin swept it, stole her away.
This didn't work out.
Anyway, we were talking about this earlier, but with the fucking bad bunny thing, which is like, I think, and I was saying this to you, this is a gift that I gave for the Puerto Rican people.
Okay, hold on.
How is that?
If I say something and I declare it, the opposite will happen.
I said this.
This is like, this is how this is.
This is the power you need to use wisely.
Yeah, I've been trying my best.
Yeah, okay.
Okay.
Netflix.
I said Netflix is dead, and then it becomes the biggest streamer.
And then I end up getting the Netflix special, right?
Like, so if I declare, I said to my wife, I'm going to get you pregnant.
That fucking did not happen until a long time until I was like, I don't even know if I could do this.
And then boom.
So, like, whenever I say it, so I put that out there for the Puerto Rican people that I care deeply about.
We appreciate you.
Thank you.
Yeah, we appreciate you.
Thank you.
At least you acknowledge.
Make some more claims about Puerto Rico.
Well, I know for a fact it's not going to be a good Super Bowl performance.
That's going to be clipped.
I already know.
It's going to be.
I have to say no, it's amazing.
I have to say no.
It's amazing.
He's not going to have a good performance.
I love him and Happy Gilmore.
I think he's phenomenal.
Bad Bunny and Happy Gilmore?
Yeah, he's really good.
That's how good the actor is.
Dang, dude, he's great.
He plays with WWE.
Yeah.
He's clone Marcelo Hernandez, but actually.
Yeah, Marcelo's in it too.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And they're both great.
Yeah.
Okay.
So listen, we're positive.
Thank you.
Yeah, we're pumped.
We love Puerto Rico, don't we?
Yeah.
I'm a big fan.
Big fan.
Yeah.
And we've helped out.
Alex, you donated.
You donated electricity.
Yes.
I shot some paper towels at the end of the day.
They had a big power out of the page.
I went to the parade.
I'm a part of it.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
We did that growing up.
Yeah.
And what happened?
Saw tits.
You hugged my customer's aunt.
A lot of options.
Almost him.
Yeah, former aunt.
Almost had it.
Anyway, my boy, we're back.
So listen, the special is coming out.
Very excited for you on that.
But I really want to know about this radio play.
Dude, it's should be out soon.
So I just thought it was funny to do a radio play because nobody does them.
They were like the things in World War II when London was bombed out.
You just sit by a radio and listen to a story.
And I came up with a story about the idea was to take sons of anarchy and something like traditional tough guy stuff, but interject it with weird gay stuff.
So I always wanted to do like imagine Fast and Furious if like The Rock and Vin Diesel just like kissed at the end.
It would just be funny.
So I did a song.
I thought it would be funny, but I did a radio play about it.
I like how you do it on the radio so you don't have to actually act it out.
Exactly.
We're not going to do that guy.
You and your boys kiss louder, kiss louder.
The dream was too, because there is also lesbians.
Everyone's, it's very inclusive.
And the dream was to have a very long audio lesbian sex scene that somebody at work would just be listening to at headphones with headphones on that just went on like forever.
Like, I want to get like a guy in an office hard as a joke.
As a bit, yeah.
He has a bit, it's a bit.
Is that funny?
It's funny probably this dude's hard in the fucking Amazon wear on this podcast.
It happens all the time, dude.
Boners around the world.
Think about that.
Oh, by the way, I've adjusted my take on Bad Bunny, by the way.
Since when?
Since like maybe 25 minutes.
Uh-oh.
I thought it didn't make sense, right?
Because the guy doesn't have a song in English, and football is only played in America, like I guess in Canada, but like, well, they play games in London every year.
They're trying to be streaming artists this year.
No, no, no, no.
I've already acknowledged he's one of the biggest artists in the world in history.
I've never said anything about that.
I've never been critical about the music.
What I'm saying is, I didn't think it made sense branding-wise.
I'm like, why don't you put a country artist or some shit, right?
But then we were talking, I was like, oh, the NFL is just trying to be an international brand.
They're trying to.
They're doing the games in London.
They're doing a game in Mexico City.
They're trying to expand as much as they possibly can.
Brazil.
So Bad Bunny might represent all the people who don't watch the Super Bowl.
So you actually inserting him at the halftime show might be the perfect thing to do because you'll get all these people who would never watch the Super Bowl to come watch and then they might like some of the gameplay.
So I think it actually more people tune in for the halftime than the actual game.
Is that true?
Yeah.
It goes up.
Really?
There was more people that saw Kendrick's performance than that actually saw him.
Nobody watched that shit.
Watch that fucking shape.
Yeah, that was your enemy.
Joe Simruel halftime takes that shit.
There we go.
Dude, is this the police?
I don't know about that.
I don't know.
Who watched that for anybody?
What am I holding, yo?
This is a little crazy.
What is that for?
Yo, McCuzzer, what is this flag, bro?
I don't know.
Yeah, that's a little scared.
I don't know how I feel about that.
The Kingpin Dream00:15:20
I think I got to stay with this one.
Yeah.
I got an anime smash.
Shout out to Big Pun, bro.
I never got to finish the...
So the radio play is about a group of bikers who create a meth.
They create a meth so powerful.
I thought he was done.
I just want to get a guy hard and work, bro.
That's a sub-joke.
It's about a gang of bikers who create a meth so powerful it turns them all gay.
So they're like, they're just like, you know, like stem fapping?
Stem fapping?
Stim fapping.
No, it's stem fapping.
Stim fapping is like guys will take like meth.
And there's like chem sex and stuff.
Like gay guys take meth and they have like gay sex for like three days straight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And there's guys who just do it on Adderall and just stim fap all day.
Oh, fapping, like jerking off.
But that was the whole idea.
It was just like the two.
Why did they say stem?
Stim, stim, stimulant.
Stim fapping.
And then Adderall is a stemulant.
Yeah, okay.
Got it.
It's a big thing.
A lot of guys online do it.
They like just stay up for like all night and just.
Are you big?
Are you big?
No, I don't actually sort off.
What made that change in your life?
Just putting down my phone and going, Jesus fucking Christ.
Alone in the hotel room every week.
I wish I could be there at the moments in your life where you make these like monumental changes.
You know, where you go, I don't think I'm going to be a drug dealer anymore.
That's a great radio play.
Where we just go through these like four's gum moments.
I could be a kingpin in this shit.
Or maybe I'll just stop.
And then like cold turkey, you just stop.
It was a way.
Honestly, I've tried to make the argument that selling drugs is addictive in itself.
Talk to me.
It is.
It's like an absolute adrenaline high.
It's genuinely an addictive thing.
And I got like, I brought, I was in social work school like only during COVID, like right before COVID.
And I was still selling weed in social work school.
And I was trying to make the argument that selling drugs is addictive.
And they're like, that's bullshit.
And I was just like, guys, I've been semi-successful, successful podcasts, and I still can't stop doing it.
I quit embarrassingly not that long ago.
It is a weird thing that, like, I get why, like, Alex sold drugs.
You know what I mean?
Allegedly.
Allegedly.
Back in the day.
I wasn't moving like you.
No, you were moving away.
I was discussing it, man.
I mean, you had the social word pipeline.
You would find it.
I was in and helped.
And then I was like, yeah, I guess.
Are you selling to the clients?
No, no, not when I was.
No, no, no.
Oh, no.
I was, they, you know.
Oh, I was, I just did it for so long that, like, I don't know.
Like, it became legal.
And it was just kind of like.
This is a thing that I think is like.
This is like 15 years.
Yeah.
And you weren't in a situation where you had to do it.
I mean, yeah, so I can avoid like an office job.
But yeah, I didn't have to.
I didn't want to.
Yeah.
But I can't begin to explain how common that is.
Like, I had a lot.
Like, I weirdly, I went to like Spain and I was like, we should like sell drugs.
And we're like, we like bought a half a pound of weed, me and three guys.
And I think I made 17 euros total because we just smoked for like a whole half a semester.
But and we just gave it out to everybody.
But like there is, and the friend that I was there sold drugs and he's a kid who like grew up with kind of like money and that.
So there is this thing that's kind of exciting about it.
Yeah.
And I'm trying to understand like where that comes.
It's not lazy.
It's usually smart kids too.
Yeah.
They're like, maybe I don't want to do this dumb job.
Have you like kind of reverse engineered why?
Yeah, for me, it was just like my whole family does construction.
I would do that.
And I was actually, I was just bad at it.
Like I was like, they'd be like, cut a piece of wood, you know, 40 inches and three quarters.
And I would just be sitting there with a tape measure like for an hour.
So I was like, all right, this isn't for me.
And then I was in an office for like three weeks and I just had like a panic attack.
I was like, this is insane that people do this.
And then, yeah, I was just like, I'll just start selling weed.
And then I was so good at it.
Because a lot of people who sell drugs are just like, they, they don't function well at all.
You're kind of a more pure drug dealer, though.
Because like you had a way out and you were like, no, this is for me.
Like guys that grew up in the hood, they're like, this is my only option.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, that's the thing too.
You loved it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, no, it became really, you could start to box yourself in because after like when years go by, you can't do anything else because you're like, dude, I used to make a thousand dollars playing Xbox for an hour with a guy.
I'm not going to go to an office.
So you kind of like warp kind of what you do.
And you have like no marketable skills after it.
Yeah, it's like stripping.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Once you touch that cash, it's just very difficult to go back into the mainline.
Yeah, but it's also like, but the thing is, you eventually crawl because I was like a suburban kid.
Then you cross paths with like dudes from Philly.
Like you grew up in Philly, especially like in like the inner city, like North Philly.
And yeah, they'll like, they'll just take all your money with a gun.
You're like, oh, these guys do this for real.
Did you ever get robbed?
Yeah, for sure.
How many times did it?
Three.
But one of them was like in a house with like a gun, all that stuff.
Your house or theirs?
I was at someone else's house.
I had a gun pulled on me in my house too.
But that was over like some other thing.
But like, it wasn't like.
I'm trying to fuck my aunt.
It's like a domino thing.
Let's go through each one.
Also, yeah, afterward, I want to know what made you a good drug dealer because right now it doesn't sound like you're punctuality.
I was punctual.
I didn't do that bullshit where like everything's short.
What are you trying to say?
That's where I fucked up.
What are you going to say about the people who sell drugs?
Are they a little tardy?
It's very tardy.
I'd be on text, like, dude, you said you'd be here at noon.
This is unacceptable.
It's two o'clock.
Where are you?
Shut up with a gun.
I'm like, give me your money.
Like, ah, god damn it.
Okay, so the first time you get a gun pulled up, did you grow up with guns?
Was that like a okay, so I grew up like my dad's a big gun guy.
Okay, so you're not like you're you have a fear of guns like any of us would, but like simply seeing one might be terrifying.
Yeah, I had a gun briefly as a but yeah, but I didn't was it legally or it was like it was someone else's.
I just kind of borrowed it off him for a while.
See, so that's not legally, but bodies on it, no bodies, but you had it in case you got into a bad situation, yeah.
But then the penalty, if you get caught with drugs and a gun, the jail time just like you'd probably go to jail for sure.
But if you just have trucks, especially just weed, like you didn't, it wasn't like a definite you would go to jail.
So it was just like, you know what, I'll just not have a gun.
Also, guys, the generational triumph tour tickets are live.
First of all, thank you so much to Toronto.
We sold out three shows in the first day, added a fourth.
Vancouver, we sold out a show, added a second.
Dallas, my hometown, you stupid fucks.
What are you doing?
Oh, all I ever get asked, when are you coming to Dallas?
When you're not even friends and family, comments.
Well, man, please come to Dallas.
Every Indian, you cheap fucks, buy a ticket.
Akasing.com.
I'm tired of you.
I'm tired of you.
Only 50% of one show sold out in my hometown.
I'm trying to bring my mom to that show.
One show we're going to sell out?
You fucking losers.
Four shows at the Majestic Theater.
That's what I need.
Four.
If we don't get four, I might not show up.
Akasing.com.
What's up, guys?
I'm going to be in Dubai, Nashville, Tennessee, Mobile, Alabama, New Orleans, and a bunch of other places that I don't remember exactly right off the top of my head.
I think Nashville, a bunch of other spots.
You can check them all out at Mark Gagnon Live.
Come on and see one hour of stand-up comedy, no more, no less.
And I'll see you guys at the show.
You know, don't suck his dick.
Don't.
Thank you.
It's a standing.
It bothers me.
The amount of people.
You don't deserve a dick.
A guy, an Indian dude came up to me afterwards.
He was like, hey, dude, can we just do a picture?
No, you cannot just do a picture.
If you're not going to suck his dick, you don't get a picture.
Don't do that.
I'll see you guys at the show.
Bye.
Tell them what is happening in your life that you go, I think I need a gun.
And then I also need to know the self-reflection of you.
Like, I need to know you in the bathroom going, I just said I think I need a gun.
The right thing.
Dude, so when I graduated college, me and my brother bought a house off this.
No, no, no, my brother, my older brother.
We bought a house off this Irish immigrant in West Philly for $27,000.
Wow.
That was a house.
Handshake deal.
He was like, I want to move to New York.
Like, if you guys just take over the payments, give me $500 a month.
I think he owned it outright.
Give me $500 a month and I'll just transfer you the deed when you're done.
And it was in like a pretty rough part of West Philly.
Like literally, there was only four other houses standing on the block.
And then I was on 37th Street on 38th Street.
It was like an open-air drug market.
But the cool part was, is like, you know, I could live there for $250 a month.
Yeah.
So it was not a like a safe neighborhood at all.
And I was selling drugs and growing weed out of that house.
So I needed a gun.
Were any of the dudes that were selling drugs in that neighborhood feeling like you were encroached on the street?
Oh, no, no, no.
I had learned that lesson a long time ago.
I just stayed completely out of the mix.
I always had like, I just rode a bicycle everywhere.
I think they thought I was a cop, honestly.
Sort of gun.
Because I would ride a bike and I would like my neighbor across the street was this old lady and I was like super friendly with her.
I'd thought about sending weed packages to her house and then like getting them off her, but I was like, that's that's actually getting them in the mail too.
I had a whole thing going there.
Yeah.
Would you ever go to the drug farmer market?
The one you're describing, the open air.
Oh, hell no.
That was not free.
Dude, a paddy wagon would come like once every two months and just snag like four of those kids and then the next day there'd be four more kids out there.
How legit is the corners thing like from the wire?
And you said you learned that the hard way.
It's not that so much.
It's like, so like, okay, so say you're like, Temple's like a great example.
Temple is in Temple University is in North Philadelphia.
You get guys up there, like, you know, like hippie kids.
They're like, oh, I'm selling weed.
But they're living in North Philly.
Yeah.
So then there's guys out on the block, like real drug dealers out there on the block.
And like, you know, they're smoking weed.
And these like kids from college were like, hey, I got some weed, man.
You want to buy it off me?
And they're like, oh, that's awesome, man.
And they get like, oh, yeah, let's come over.
And these kids think they're cool.
So like we're hanging out with like fucking gangbangers.
And then they're just sussing out your setup.
And I was always very good at, like, I would see that because I had already been robbed myself.
So I'm going like, dude, I don't know if this guy's your boy like that.
He's probably kind of, and then, dude, they would, you know, tie people up, go through.
So I had kind of witnessed that already.
So it was like, like, a couple times too.
So I was just kind of like, yeah, dude, like, you got to be careful.
So where was your clientele?
It was, it was like different colleges and different in the suburbs, but I was able to like, I don't know, I had a couple connects that were like, like there, there was time, like when I did the pills and stuff big, I never did pills, but I was selling pills.
And that was like, I'd go to like a bar in West Philly that was like, it was in the hood, but they, I was making people money.
So they would, you know, they were cool.
They were cool with me.
Did you ever feel guilt?
Not till later.
That was because I was like 19.
Right.
And I didn't do pills.
And I had a friend who was like, no, they're cool, man.
Everything.
And like, we just like take them.
And then I like watched an apartment.
Like there was this apartment complex in Brookhaven that like there was like all these kids living next to each other going to like different like local colleges.
And I slowly watched how like fucked up they became from opiates.
And then I was like, never again.
What?
Because I didn't think they were that bad.
I was like, oh, like pills, drugs, weed, mushrooms, like people having fun.
And then I like saw like, oh, these are really bad.
The pills specifically.
Yes.
The mushrooms and the weed is kind of guilt-free.
It was for sure.
Right.
You just don't want to do high school stuff.
That was kind of grinding.
Because it's the kids.
Yeah.
But yeah, but the pills, and then you get into the opiates or even like Coke, and then it's cut with weird shit.
And then God forbid somebody.
I've never done Coke either.
Never done Coke.
Really?
It's disgusting.
Coke is so dirty and disgusting.
Before the fentanyl, dude, people cut it with baby laxatives.
There was guys like, oh, I shit myself at work because I took Coke with baby laxatives.
I was like, shoot, stop.
Stop doing that.
I had a conscience, though, man, because I sold Coke for a little bit.
And people would come over and like, it was really funny because they would come right back and be like, I need some more.
And I'd be like, you did all that already?
Like, what's the fucking, man?
You felt the addiction.
Yeah, I would be like, dude, you have a problem with this stuff.
So I like swore all that stuff off.
As, you know, again, like 19, 20, I was like, okay, like, I got to witness firsthand, like, this stuff's bad.
Yeah.
And then it was just weed and mushrooms from then on.
And could you make good money on the weed?
The weed, yeah.
Coke is dumb.
Like, you can't really, in my opinion, you don't really make that much money unless you're like so much higher.
That's what I kind of sussed out early on.
I was like, dude, the risk of this is crazy.
Yeah.
Whereas like weed, you can have a couple pounds and like make way more money, way low, way more low stress.
Yeah.
But it also, it just, it is bad for you.
I never, I never want to glorify it because it's like it ruins your nervous system.
Like every time you leave your house, you're going like, who's that guy?
Why is he outside my house?
And you're just constantly adrenalized and it's like, it's bad.
Yeah.
Sorry, sorry, maybe that's the addictive quality that you're talking about.
Kind of.
At first, there's this excitement.
Like every single day you feel like you're living and eventually there's this exhaustion that comes to that.
And getting cash too.
Like at the end of the day, just being like, dude, look at all this cash.
Yeah.
It all feeds into my addiction.
It makes you a liar too because you have to lie to everybody.
Like the less people who know what you're doing, the better chances you have of getting away with it.
So then you have to start like lying to everybody in your life about what you're actually doing because you can't be like, if you're like telling everybody, then they're going to tell people and you're just going to get in trouble.
Did your parents know?
Dude, your brothers must have known.
Yeah.
I think my dad had, he was pretty hip to stuff after a while.
Cause like I was like, I was like paying for stuff.
I never was really flashy or anything, but like there was things I paid for that my dad was just like, bro, like how?
Like what?
And I was telling my mom, I was like, I'm a blogger.
I write blogs all the time.
More shameful than selling drugs.
I'd paid for like a whole wedding.
I was like, I'm a blogger.
When were you bringing in a year?
What type of money are we talking?
It's always up and down, man.
It's like you'd like, at the best of the best of it, I would make, there was a period where I would make almost like 4,500 bucks a week cash.
And that's it, dude.
I was like, tax-free.
That's like 500K a year.
Yeah, in my 20s.
And it was just like, but then again, I'd have it all stacked up.
I'd get robbed or like you'd mail out money for a package that would get taken.
So I'd be like, I'd have 50 grand.
I'd have zero bucks.
I'd have 40 grand.
I'd have zero.
So I would bottom out constantly.
Are you growing it or shipping it?
Tried growing it.
I stunk.
So I was, I was, I, dude, I grew the worst weed ever.
I wrapped that up and then I was just shipping it in.
Okay.
Or just buying off people who shipped it in.
You know, it was, but yeah, at the height of it, I, yeah, I would, I think, yeah, I think legally I can't get in trouble for this anymore.
It's been so long ago.
But at one point, there was a summer where like I would get shipments where I'd split them with somebody of like 60 pounds.
Wow.
Wow.
That's nuts, bro.
Where do you put 60 pounds of storage unit?
Putting a storage unit.
It smells like crazy.
It's all triple vacuum sealed.
And it still could smell a little bit.
You'd have, there's a can of ozium in the unit.
If you went in to get anything, the policy was you'd kind of hit the ozium.
You could just check out.
Walk out with a giant duffel bag and be like, hockey game.
Off the hockey.
And how many people did you trust with the knowledge of the storage unit?
Me and one other person.
That's it.
Because if that gets out, forget it.
You're done.
Yeah, you're toast.
Private Eye for Two Days00:04:33
And this guy was like a good friend of yours, somebody you really loved.
Yeah, you're selling.
How hard is it to grow weed?
So hard.
Really?
It's so hard.
Yeah.
It's like, it's not, it's, it's, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a job.
That was my whole thing.
It's like, I don't have a job.
And actually, you've done a great job of your life in your life of not having a real job.
I, dude, it's my radio play.
I always had jobs.
Whenever we, whenever, like, I hear you talking right now, I'm talking, I'm like, wow, this guy is so smart and qualified to have a job.
I couldn't not do it.
But here's, I had a million odd jobs, though, because I would also, you know, like things would he like, you would know a guy close to you.
They'd get in trouble.
So then you'd have to like chill because you're like, I don't know what this guy's up to.
So there's so many times where I'd have to leave that world and jump into a job.
Like what?
Any dog walking, construction.
I was a private eye for like two days.
I got real jobs.
This is got real jobs.
Dude, I was a PI for two days.
Dude, I worked so many jobs.
I walk dogs.
Dog walkers.
You spied on people.
You were a PI for two days.
Did you solve it?
I was paying attention at all.
I was supposed to sit outside a job.
And like, dude, they gave me a grainy photo.
And it's like, who talks to you?
What guy talks to you?
He goes, no, because it would be perfect for you.
He'd just sit in the car, play his flute, and just watch this cheat of life and take pictures.
It was so boring.
PI was.
Yeah, whoever.
I know somebody who does PI stuff and he was like, yeah, you can work for me if you want.
And I just, I didn't, you know.
So you asked him?
You were like, I'd like to do it.
I was like, I heard my cousin was doing it.
I'm like, dude, I want to be a PI.
And I just, I just sat apart.
I thought it was going to be like, have like a spy watch recording a conversation.
I was just sitting in a parking lot and they were like, we got to find this guy because we want to impound his car.
And I was like, dude, this sucks.
And it was just a grainy photo.
I sat outside of like a commercial freaking.
It was like a catering company.
I sat outside just like staring at different guys being like, then the guys would walk by me like, why the fuck are you?
What are you doing?
It wasn't very private.
First day on the job.
And I would completely zone out and be like, oh, dang, that was supposed to be a shift change.
I missed it.
And, you know, I was reading a book.
I'm just sitting there kind of like.
Is there no job job that you now at this point in your life?
You know what I actually liked?
I went back to school for, I wanted to be a therapist.
That was the job.
And actually, I worked in a high school briefly and I loved it, man.
I worked in a high school in Philly doing like, I wouldn't say therapy.
It was like a, yeah, it was like an like a guidance counselor with like a clinical kind of like tone to it where you'd like, you know, you get to bring in families and do family therapy.
Oh, wow.
It was cool.
I like, that was the one job.
I was like, I actually like this.
And why'd you stop?
Uh, because the podcast did well.
So you were doing that while you were.
Yeah, it was still going well.
And then it was like, that was, so as Shane was getting SNL, or I think he got like, yeah, you know what it was?
It was the birth of my first kid.
He got like canceled right during that.
And then I was like, it was COVID didn't happen yet, but I remember thinking, like, let me just try to do, he's, I always wanted to be a therapist since I was like in high school.
And I just, I thought it'd be a cool job.
And then I was like, I can't imagine there was a lot of therapy in your Irish family, though.
There wasn't.
That's why I didn't become one because I was going to school for psychology and then I told my family what I was doing.
They're like, they're like, what are you nuts?
You can't do that.
They talked me out of it.
And I was always like, I was like, let me, I'll go back to school for social work because that is kind of a shortcut to become a therapist.
Yeah.
You kind of like, you know, skip a lot of school, which they don't like to say, but it's like, it's true.
Yeah, if you want to be a shitty thing.
I had my master's in social.
Yeah, I had my master's in social work, dude.
Or you could do the psi D, it's called.
Psi D is probably even a little more intensive, I feel like.
Yeah, but it's just like you get the doctorate in five years, so you don't have to do the master's.
With psychology, you got to take all these biology classes.
Social work, you literally sit in a room and they're like, did you guys read the article on Foucault?
And everyone's like, nobody read it.
And everyone just like talks for five minutes.
Like, the truth is, we don't really know what the truth is.
And you're like, sweet.
That's not silly.
I was a psych major.
I love psychology.
Yeah, it was great.
It's great for college because you're just learning about these studies that make great conversation when we're at the bar with chicks and that it's like the perfect thing to talk about.
Actually, you know, we're deciding our personalities between the ages of one and three.
And that's probably why you're like this.
No, like, it's like, it's, what is it?
Astrology for men.
Nobody Read the Contract00:08:42
But so what happened with the robbery?
Um, well, the big one, there was a couple.
There was a couple embarrassed.
I got robbed at Club Point one time in West Philly trying to buy Percocets.
That was embarrassing.
A guy just busted out a Billy Club.
Like, I'll smack your ass.
Club point.
Dude, I was the last guy to get robbed to Club Point.
Yeah.
I'd give him 200 bucks to get me Percocets.
And he like, he's like, I'll be back.
And I just waited, like, standing on like a street corner for like 40 minutes.
And eventually he like, I think he came back, like, oh shit, you're still here?
He's like, get out of here.
And I was like, I'm waiting for, you know, not until I get, and he just like pulled out a club with three of his friends.
Like, I'll crack your fucking head open.
And I was just like, all right, you went.
I'm out.
Keep it.
But the, the, the big one, the, like, the one that really, this actually like kind of rocked me when I was, it's like this whole thing where like I went to someone's house, someone I knew, and they were, they owed, they both owed me money and they were getting more weed off me.
So there was like, I was in his room and there's uh, like, you know, he owed me like 15,000 bucks.
There's 15,000 bucks on the table.
I had like four pounds of weed on me.
$15,000?
It was like $50,000 because he was paying me back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was fronting on the front, which is, hey, man, you got to do what you got to do.
And then he was like, my friend's coming from Penn State and he's going to take four off us right away.
And I'm like, this is great.
So I had four ready to go.
And then as we're sitting there, he's like, oh, you know, doorbell, whatever.
He goes downstairs and I see him come back upstairs and his eyes are like this wide.
And I'm just sitting there like, that's weird.
And then I see another kid come in with like a weird look on his face.
Then it's a dude in a ski mask with a gun being like, you know, give us your cell phone, slide him forward, all this stuff.
So we slide our phones back.
And he like, he just says all he's like, who's Matt?
Who's Matt?
And I was like, they were specifically asking for you?
Yeah.
And he because it was all just orchestrated to kind of scare me, but they were like, if you guys look out the window, we have people outside, we're going to shoot you guys, blah, blah, blah.
And then, uh, so then you look out the window like that.
No, no, dude.
I was like, damn, dude, I'm scared.
There's a gun in the window.
If he looks your left, but no, he was the whole thing with.
I had made a YouTube video back then that went like lightly variable.
Speaking of the Super Bowl, it was when the Coca-Cola commercial came out years and years ago.
There's a Coca-Cola commercial where they like had Spanish in it, and everyone like freaked out and went nuts or, you know, whatever.
I strongly disagree with that.
Do you remember the thing earlier?
I strongly disagree with that.
And I think that we need more Coca-Cola, more Spanish representation at Super Bowl.
Like, I made a video, and that's how they got my name because the kid to be like, this is what the kid looks like.
Like, kind of using my goddamn fucking YouTube viral video.
I thought it was a poor thing at the time.
Wow.
Was it a funny video?
Safari?
That was like, I got 24,000 views.
What year is this?
They were all drug dealers, though.
They were all your ops.
21,000 people.
When was this?
This was like fucking 2011, maybe.
It was a while ago.
That's a good thing.
Yeah.
That's just huge, man.
Yeah.
I was pumped because I had been doing stand-up too.
I started stand-up this whole time at 23.
So I would do stand-up for a little bit and I was going, you know, blah, blah, blah.
And so he comes in.
He has like a gun in my face and he's like, you know, I should kill you guys, all this stuff.
And I'm just like, the one thing that does happen when you have a gun put on you, like time, like you don't feel anything in the moment.
Time just like stops.
Yes, it does.
Right?
And you just go like, whoa, and everything goes super slow.
And you're like, you're very calm and relaxed.
Like, I think you're just overwhelmed.
So he's doing all this stuff.
And the thing I was proud of, I did have $1,000 behind me that he was like, they just had all the money.
And I was like, yes.
And I got to keep the thousand bucks down.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, that was 2014.
That's when I watched it.
This is where the guy fucking nailed me from.
And he just matched you up with this image.
He was like, this, he was a PI.
He's pretty tough.
This is the video that got my likeness from.
Hey, I just got done watching that national anthem.
Oh, they sung that.
You got to call it?
Yeah, something like that.
Ain't no nothing national about that.
It's fucking human.
Ain't nothing national about that.
That thing is just like, that's a disgrace, man.
I got robbed like four days later.
You can't everybody in the national anthem.
You know what I'm saying, guys?
You can't have that, man.
That just ruins it, man.
God damn.
I mean, seriously, why you take my two favorite things in the world, national anthem and Coca-Cola, and just totally fucking ruin it for it, man.
I can't get that image out of my head.
You know what I'm saying?
I can't.
Nah, man, I ain't cool.
Guys, look, man, it took the Dunk Dynasty guy off us.
Now they're taking our national anthem.
What the hell's next?
Are we just like continental drifting, like right into Europe and coming to some big fucking pussy state, man?
That ain't America that I know.
This is the first time you've ever recorded something and uploaded it to the internet.
There's like no other videos.
It's just this.
No, this is pretty much one of my very first YouTube videos.
I was like making fun of the uproar about, you know, of course.
Yeah.
And then got robbed.
They used my face from this.
Like, this is the guy we're going to rob.
Yeah, man.
How many Mexicans you know fall in the Civil War?
Yeah, how many Mexicans do you know that fought in the Civil War?
But people thought it was real and they like freaked out about it.
Yeah, you know, today this video would be real.
No one's going to be able to do it.
49 damn is double.
Let's go.
But yeah, so they use that video.
And so they just took all the drugs, they took all the money, and then they bought it.
Yeah, they took everything.
But the thing is, here was $900,000.
Did you know they got it?
It was, yeah, like four pounds and $14,000.
And so then that guy left.
So the guy at the ski mask left, but he left the kid that what I think happened was that kid was on other drugs and he probably fell into debt with like pill dealer, heroin type dealers and was like, hey, I know a guy, you know, we can blah, blah, blah.
That's kind of how it goes.
And so they left him behind.
And so I'm just sitting there.
The guy leaves like, you know, finally all that like anger and all those feelings come back into you.
And I'm looking at the kid I know who's like mortified and I'm watching this other kid.
I'm like, this is like a bad actor.
Like he, he's not, he was in on that.
And I just, I literally started like choking him.
Just like, I got, I like snap.
So you put it together?
I figured out, yeah, I knew exactly.
Because I was like, this dude, he was like, oh, we've been watching.
That was the whole thing.
Like, oh, we've been watching you.
You're over here.
You're infringing on our territory.
And I'm like, probably we're all working together, most likely.
Even the guy you know, I guarantee it.
I would guarantee he was fucking terrified.
And this other guy was like, literally.
The other guy was like, oh, another guy was like for real freaking out.
And this other kid was just like, oh, shit, what's going on?
And I started just like, but that's a fair point.
And, you know, maybe I'll call him.
But he, but yeah, I started choking this guy and just started just like, motherfucker, blah, blah, blah.
And then like, you know, my, my, because you're like, it's like a blackout anger.
Yeah.
And then the kid I knew was like, stop, stop, blah, blah, blah.
So then like, I had this kid who had, I, you know, had set me up and robbed me.
And it was like a, it was like a funny day.
It was like a light kidnapping.
I was like, you're not going anywhere until I get my fucking money.
I figure out like what's going on.
And I had to take him to a T-Mobile store because they took all of her phones.
He's like, oh, I swear to God, my friend from Penn State's still coming.
I'm like, well, if that's the case, he should be texting you like crazy.
Let's go to the T-Mobile store and let's check your text.
So I take him to the T-Mobile store and we walk in there.
And I'm like, yeah, he needs a new cell phone.
And he's just in the way.
He's like, okay.
And like, he's just sitting there.
It's like looking at his feet.
And then at one point, he goes, help.
And I was like, shut the fuck up.
I wasn't like a tough, violent guy either.
I was just, you know, at this point, I was just angry dad.
I was just disappointed in him.
I was disappointed.
And I like just kind of carted this kid around for an afternoon.
He'd be like, you the little motherfucker.
I need that.
And he's like, just take you to my dad.
My dad will pay it off.
I swear to God, my dad will pay for it.
And I'm like, all right.
Which that was a horrible idea.
So then I take him down to like a warehouse in South Philly.
And again, when he had called his dad, I was like, don't be fucking screaming or any of that shit you're doing in the T-Mobile store.
At the end of it, he's like, dad, seriously, I need help.
I'm like, motherfucker.
So then like, I drive down to this warehouse in South Philly.
It's like Italian guys.
And like the dad's there with a ex-cop with two fucking guns on his side.
And I'm like, dude, can this day get any fucking worse?
And he's just like, let me get this straight, blah, blah, blah, blah.
He's like, if I find out my son was responsible, I will pay you the money.
And I was like, that dumb to be like, well, great.
I'm glad we figured this out.
You're going to give me my drug money.
And they never did.
And then like me and this dad had a big back and forth.
Warehouse Confrontation in South Philly00:05:02
And, you know, that got a thing.
And his like wife spazzed on me.
And then this is like in the community or something?
Like, I was like bumping into them.
I knew it.
Well, you got text messaging.
I got, I, well, here's the thing.
The wife claimed, because they were like South Philly Italians.
So the wife tried to be like, we're in a fucking mob.
We'll kill you.
And then I hit them with the totally bluff like dead man switch where I'm like, bro, I know your address.
If anything happens to me, they're going to burn your fucking house down.
Not true at all.
You know, it worked enough to where we just did like a truce and parted ways.
So that was like, that was, and it was, yeah, it was bad.
That was on my ex-wife's birthday.
So I had to then drive to her birthday in Atlantic City with no money.
You know, the Dave Chappelle half-paked where like he's checking.
That was the birthday.
I was like, let's take it easy, man.
I don't want to ruin your birthday, but I just lost pretty much all of our money.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
Okay.
America, Black Rifle Coffee.
Yes.
They just pulled a full-on takeover of Nerd Espresso machine.
I don't even know if it's legal.
I don't even know if it's legal what they did, but they basically created the Black Rifle coffee capsules.
They're compatible with Nespresso.
I think, I don't even know if Nespresso is aware of this.
This is full-on regime change.
It's unbelievable what they were able to accomplish.
It is American bedassery at Switzerland.
Okay.
If you guys don't know what that word means, look it up or pronounce it differently.
These capsules aren't just tasty.
Okay.
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Okay.
Black Rifle isn't stopping at coffee.
They've also got the zero sugar energy drinks.
They got the badass mugs.
Yes.
Shirts geared the whole nine yards.
Every single thing designed to make you feel more American than what?
More American than wrestling a bald eagle wearing a pair of aviators.
That's pretty American, dude.
Yep.
That's throwing a Mexican family over a wall.
It's too American.
Dude, that's too much.
That's too much.
Yeah, that's too American.
Definitely.
Okay, but I have to turn back the American drone strike in a Venezuelan submarine filled with fentanyl.
Oh, that's good.
You're positive.
That's pretty good.
That's good.
That's a good one.
You're in a good one there.
I like it.
Okay.
Charging 100K a pop for Akash's cousins to get an H-1B visa and take valuable engineering and tech jobs away from hard-working Americans.
Hard-working high school educated Americans.
Is that a good amount of American?
Yeah, I think so.
I think so.
What I'm trying to say is get your caffeine loving ass over to blackriflecoffee.com/slash flagrant right now.
Slap down the code.
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That's blackriflecoffee.com slash flagrant.
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You also find out their pods, energy drinks, ink gear, wherever bedasser is sold.
AK grocery stores and gas stations.
Okay.
I'm trying to think of some badasser.
I'm like, where's the groceries?
So many bedazzed places you can buy badass goods, but grocery stores and gas stations are super badass.
Anyway, let's get back to the show.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
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Kraken Deposit Match Explained00:15:12
I was working.
I was working for my dad too, doing construction.
Here's my $250 a month.
You're not buying flashy things.
What are you doing with the extra money?
Dude, I paid for a wedding.
I paid for a wedding.
Your wedding.
Yeah, my first.
Yeah.
I paid for that.
That was a big one.
I like that you said you paid for a wedding.
I know, I did that.
You seem so benevolent.
Like, you did it for like a client that was going through a hard time.
You paid for your wedding that you had.
I paid for two of my life.
Oh, you paid for remarried.
I know you were remarried, but so you paid for the second one as well?
Damn, bro.
All my money went to just weddings.
I just funded weddings.
And then I just got, and then like that day, another guy crapped out on me.
And then I like got desperate with all the really bad.
I got desperate with the gift money from the first wedding and mailed it to California.
That got snagged by the postal police.
So I was really on my ass.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, that was another bad.
That was a tough conversation.
But I was wondering why was marriage fucking divorce?
Yeah.
You know, people are different.
I was just a maniac.
I was a fucking maniac when I was younger.
That was the problem.
I was like a nice person, but I was just like my risk.
I couldn't calculate risk really.
I was just nuts.
Yeah, no risk aversion.
None at all.
Which is helpful in this business.
That's kind of true.
It's like a huge advantage.
Yeah, people are always like, how do you, how do you like manage the nerves?
Like, it's like, I just like had a feeling in my body that I hated all the time.
And I just wanted to just do something.
Not do it.
Yeah.
Now, does that change with kids?
Yeah, big time.
That's when I stopped.
Once I had kids.
Yeah.
So I told my wife, I was like, I was like, I'm going to have a pound of weed on me forever.
So, because she'd be like, I don't really like it.
And she actually became a cop.
My wife now became a cop.
Wait, she's not a WNBA blesser.
That was great.
That was so good.
I was so good.
Dude, that I saw.
Were you aware of it?
Yes, I saw the day before.
She didn't know.
She knew Shane.
We weren't going to go until last minute.
I was like, you know what?
I think it'll be fun to go.
And because at first I was like, I'm cool.
And she found out.
She's like, I want to go.
And I was like, all right, fine, we'll go.
So like two days before, I'm like, hey, we're going to go.
And Shane's like, hey, like, you know, blah, blah, blah.
Texted Brittany, like, would you be cool with this?
And then I read the text and I was like, dude, that's so funny.
So, yeah, that was really good.
Oh, so she was aware of it.
She didn't realize she was going to be like front and center in that way.
He just thought she was going to like, he was going to bring her up.
Oh, I thought she sold.
I thought she sold really well.
When we got there, when we got there, he was like, hey, you're probably going to be on camera.
And she was like, what?
That's great.
She did a great job.
She did a good job.
But yeah, there was a period because then that was like the big fall.
But then, you know, you come back up and you know, I could still, it was never that big after that, but I could still make a comfortable living.
And I did it for a while.
And then, uh, and then I had kids.
And yeah, it was just like the risk aversion was just like, dude, I'm going to go to jail.
That'd be fucking free.
Once I had kids, this was a big thing for me.
When I had my first kid, I remember seeing the guy come into the hospital room just like changing the paper towels.
And I was like, dude, I could totally do like I'll do anything.
Just give me a job at this point.
I don't give a fuck what it is.
Before it was such a thing for me where I was like, I don't want to do that every day.
Now I'm like, I don't fucking care.
Yeah.
I'll go shovel holes.
I'll go dig holes, man.
Yeah.
It is interesting how that changes.
Yeah.
And like, like your relation, I don't know about you, but like your relationship with money changes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's not this thing that you're just lighting on fire.
Like you can do that when you're single, you're alone.
You can even do that when you have a girlfriend, to be honest with you.
Like, okay, what is the big risk here?
Yeah, they want you to.
Your yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, but like with the kids, it's, yeah, you just feel it's like every you make a big purchase, you take this, you know, risky, you know, you know, situation, and you're like, oh, is that college for them?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then they get old enough to talk to you.
And then they like, that's the worst part when you have to confront you.
Because I was also, I always had anger problems.
So like, I used to like break shit.
Like I was bad.
Like I, you know, with my wife now, like we, I would like throw fucking break shit in our house.
Yeah.
And then you have kids and you're like, you can't be doing that.
Funny because you wanted to be a therapist.
That's why.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I. You don't gravitate towards like psychology unless you either like have clinically depressed parents or you're dealing with something because you're like, I just got to figure this fucking shit out.
I smashed a bottle of olive oil in our old house.
And you can never get that statement.
So we'd be fighting and she'd be like, oh, yeah, great.
Fuck.
I don't think now I've, but kids come and you're like, yeah, I can't have the environment be like that.
And like, don't even old enough to talk.
Dude, if I even like catch a slight attitude towards my wife, my daughter's like, you're being mean to mom.
And I'm like, fuck you.
You guys are right.
Morris caught than taught.
Like, if you look back and think about like how many things your parents taught you with their words, I don't know how many things my dad like said, hey, you're going to learn how to do this.
Like I distinctly remember him telling me the importance of apologizing, which now I know as a married man came from my mom.
But in the moment, I was like, okay, I guess you just do apologize.
You just learn and like I take accountability and allows you to move on.
Like I remember him like sitting me down and like teaching me that or whatever.
Outside of that, like I've learned everything about like who I am as a person from just observing him with other people.
Yeah.
So it's great that you keyed in on that because that's the expectation that they'll have for a relationship.
Yeah.
No, big time, man.
And that was like, yeah, you really, yeah, that was, that was like kids definitely, I was already trying to like get myself together.
I mean, the worst part is at the time before I had kids, I'm like, bro, I'm like, I remember I went, when I was in social work school, they were like, you got to go to a therapist yourself.
And I, I'd never been to a therapist.
And I remember thinking, walking into the office that I was about to just blow this lady's socks off.
Dude, I thought I was going to walk in and she was going to be like, bro, hold on, dude.
She's like, which seats?
We don't think that's the ghost.
Which switch seats?
That's funny.
Why don't you lay down today?
Dude, she just gutted me.
She was like, wait, why do you think that?
And I was like, what do you mean?
What do I think?
And then I started being like, oh, fuck.
And I got devastated in the first hour.
I'm like, fuck.
Do you miss the game at all?
You know what?
It's like, you know what's funny?
Like, I'll drive and I'll still have a cop pull up behind me and I'll go, oh, and then I go, oh, I don't have to worry about that.
And it's like a nice feeling.
But towards the end of it, like, I really didn't need to at all.
The podcast was doing well.
Yeah.
And I had so many friends I sold weed to that I knew and I gave them like a fantastic thing.
Well, really, because I was like, they're going to get cooked, man.
I'm like, they're going to get tripped out.
I can't have it.
There's an injustice.
It's hard for me to party.
Well, the weed price just plummeted, dude.
It used to be so high.
And there was a point where like it plummeted, but there's a lot of people who didn't know it plummeted.
You could take advantage of that opportunity.
God, bro.
You could.
There were still $400 ounce guys that you'd be like, oh, my fucking God, I can't believe he paid.
But then I was like, you know what?
It just became like everyone.
I became friends with people.
There was like, you know, when you do that, that's like the only people we're really talking to.
And then I was just like, you know, and I, the part of like being like addicted to it was like, I still love this of like when I go into a house and you get to pop open pounds of weed and like smell them and see all the different kinds.
And like, I want that one, that one, this one, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then you get to show it.
And they're like, oh, this is awesome.
Like, I just, I love it.
It's like a wedding.
You know, you're tasting all the cakes.
It really is.
But then it was just kind of like, you know, and they were just like, you know, you just deal with people for years.
And it's like, they're like, man, I just like dealing with you.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
And some people like, you know, a huge chunk of their livelihood depended on it.
So eventually, yeah, I just kind of handed it off.
I was just like, you, you know, and did you give your Rolodex to like someone, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Keys.
That's actually how I got in the gate.
Yeah, like somebody gets everybody.
Yo, here's everybody.
It's all you guys.
Do you just call them like on a cold call?
Like, hey, we've actually changed hands.
Like, they tell him, like, hey, this is my new guy now.
Is it like when you're in a restaurant and like the waiter comes over?
My sentence is over.
You know, Janine is actually going to take over for this.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
I used to have a tear coming by.
It's been great.
There was this one guy who I met, and I love this guy to death, but I like, I had never met him before.
Like the first time, you know, it was just like a friend of a friend.
Like, oh, so I had gotten rough directions to his house.
And he was an older guy.
And they were like, you know, blah, blah, blah.
I called him.
He's like, yeah, it'll be my house.
And but it was like a driveway situation with like multiple houses, kind of like in the sticks a little bit.
And I pull up this driveway and I'm terrible with directions.
And I'm like, I think this is this guy's house.
And I was just like, all right.
So I like walk into this dude's house with a school bag with two pounds of weed in it.
And there's a dude, another older guy outside.
So I'm like, okay, like the older guy, you know, I'm like, hey, I'm looking for Evola.
And he goes, the guy's hammered.
He's like, he's in his bedroom.
And I was like, it's fucking weird for an old man to say another old man's in his bedroom.
And I'm like, why the fuck?
Why are they living together?
And I walk up, I just knock on the door, no answer.
And I open the door.
There's like a fucking 12-year-old boy in his room.
Like, I was like, whoa, no, And I come out and I was like, oh, fuck.
And I come out.
And the guy's, I like, explained to him, like, hey, I'm looking for it.
And the guy, like, I got through his drum.
He was like, oh, dude, he's in the.
I thought you were one of my friend's buddies.
I'm like, bro, I'm fucking 30 years old.
What are you talking about?
I have gray hair, dude.
Why the fuck was it a 12-year-old boy in the back?
It was just son.
I was in the wrong house.
Oh, my God.
I just walked into the wrong house.
I thought you walked into like a battle.
That's what I was doing.
Thank God.
Clarify it.
No, no, no.
Oh, my lord.
It's like, oh, no.
Sorry.
It was just funny.
I walked in the wrong house.
And we were both like, we just scared each other.
He was just like playing video games.
And I was like, okay, then I found the guy.
Epsilon opened the door.
He's right down the hall.
I'm glad you guys asked that.
That's been terrible.
Yeah.
Just to horror.
Sandusky.
Did you ever get pulled over with weed in the car?
No, I got in an accident one time with weed in my car.
And I just like told the guy I was like, there was a cop over there.
And I was just like, hey, dude, I'll totally don't worry.
I'll take care of it all.
Blah blah blah.
I took his information.
I was like, just bounce.
Yeah.
I didn't like hit and run the guy, but yeah, I was just like, let's get out of here.
And I had a one time I had an elderly Chinese man bump into me in traffic.
And it was like, it was like, it was really funny because we were going so slow.
And he just fucking hit my bumper.
And I was like, what the fuck?
And he got out and he was like, he was like, kept being like, that's no big deal.
And I'm like, I mean, I guess, but I'm like, what the fuck?
How the fuck did you do that?
That was the same thing where I was like, man, let's just get the fuck out of here.
Let's, you know, let's just go.
I had weed in my car too.
I was like, well, let's get out of here, man.
We're good.
No, I never got pulled over with anything crazy.
Just an insane.
I just couldn't handle the stress.
Stress is crazy.
My feet used to shake.
I'd be driving around like.
But you need it.
Like, you need your brain to be occupied.
I feel like exactly.
That's the nice thing about having kids.
Like, your brain is always occupied.
Exactly.
It was hard.
That was the thing, too.
Like, free time, I just float around.
And when you're doing that, you're locked in all the time.
Same with parenting, though, but I'm just like, what the fuck are they doing?
What are they doing?
Yeah.
Survival mode.
Yeah, I like it.
Dude, I used to, I knew this guy who was a cop that was like a crooked cop.
He was like doing cops up and then also like stealing drugs from drug dealers.
And he said that he had to quit because he would drive down the highway and half his body would go numb.
Yeah.
Just from stress.
Like he would just like, guys were trying to kill him.
Other cops were on his case.
And he would just like, he'd have to pull over because he couldn't use the brake.
Because like his leg would just be full enough.
He's like, I just can't drive.
Yes, it's really bad for you.
It is.
It's a bad, it's a bad thing to do.
You're being wicked.
It turns out being wicked.
You're being the sickest dude ever.
When you have gray hair at 30.
I wonder what it was.
So what now?
Like, how do you keep that?
I guess parenting, obviously, this is so interesting with the kids when they start talking.
Like the guilt that you can feel.
Like, my daughter, she's in Santa Barbara with my wife to visit her family.
And we were coming back from Australia and they stopped there.
And I FaceTimed and then obviously I wasn't there.
And then she goes, she goes, oh, she goes, dad, that movie?
And like the fact that she had like a reason in her head why I wasn't there was like heartbreaking.
Yeah, dude.
I was like, you're aware that I'm not around during the day?
Or dad that work?
And it's like, yeah, I have to work.
That's my responsibility.
And I can like justify that to myself for sure.
But, oh, man.
Yeah, that was, that was tough.
My, my daughter, my oldest daughter hit me with that.
I was like, I love hanging out with you guys, my favorite thing.
She's like, no, it's not.
It's working.
I was like, fuck it.
Yeah, I like made her.
I'm like, no, it's not.
Say that you, you're all right.
You're wrong, actually.
You fucking raise the olive oil bottle.
The worst.
When we moved, we moved to Texas.
We were in Philly and they like, I didn't realize they come take all your stuff like two weeks before and put it in a truck and take it down there.
Then you fly later.
Yeah.
So we had a house.
Our house was empty.
And it was totally empty.
And I was like, you know, I was in my head.
I kept being like, look, guys, we're moving.
You could do this multiple ways.
I like how you're like, this is how it's done.
They come two weeks before.
You got to live in.
Dude, we had no stuff.
Yeah, we had no stuff.
And I remember like when they were taking our stuff, I'm like, look, guys, see, this is why I work.
Because if we don't have any stuff, if we don't work, we don't have any stuff.
And that's as soon as I took all their stuff, my kids were like, yeah.
And I was like, yeah, it's just for my own ego.
You're right about that.
They don't want us to work at all.
They really don't.
I know.
And they beat the guy with nothing.
I hit him with that's finally sunk in.
I'm like, Disney Plus.
And they were like, I was like, if I don't work, we don't have that.
And they were like, yeah, it's all worth it.
Disney Plus is a good one.
I'm like, oh, you guys like Disney.
Wait till they find out how to make $12 a month.
Oh, yeah.
So we, wow.
Have you ever thought of a cover story?
Like, your kids are one day going to know about your past.
And they might ask.
I'll just, I mean, no, I'll just be open with them.
I feel like, I don't know.
I have a lot of faith in them.
They'll be way smarter than I was.
And they'll know, like, yeah, this is, you guys are going to do good stuff.
Yeah.
Are you like an parenting strategy with your wife?
Like, is it honest parenting?
Do you kind of communicate to them as adults almost?
Kind of.
Like, I'll, what I try to do, if I try to like really kind of get on their level.
And like, if I ever raise my voice, I apologize.
Even if they're doing something that like they shouldn't be doing, I always am like, hey, sorry I raised my voice.
Covering Up a Dark Past00:08:59
That's wrong for me.
I shouldn't do that.
But, you know, I need you to do this, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And they're like really amenable, especially like what you're saying about apologizing.
That's like the biggest marriage hack ever.
Cause I, if my wife had a problem with me or something I did, I would get angry and then be like, all right, I'm just going to tell her why I'm right about this.
And dude, and I would, I would just non-stop.
And then one day I was just like, you know what, man, I'm sorry.
I fucked up.
And it was like, well, I forgive you.
And I'm like, fuck, that's all I had to fucking do.
You know what I'm saying?
Destroy you with an audience.
You know what I've realized about it is like, and I can't speak for you, but I think a lot of the time it's like fighting for our how they perceive us.
Yeah.
So it's like we do something that hurts them, right?
And I need to convince you that that's not who I am.
So you keep loving me.
And they're like, I'll just love you if you say, I'm sorry.
I know you're a good guy.
So it's just like I'm fighting to be the knight in shining armor constantly.
This is back to your Bible take.
This is why Christianity is kind of fire.
Because it just starts off with being like, hey, we're both pieces of shit.
This is a great Adam and Eve ruined all of us.
So we're both scumbags.
So I'm just being shitty like I always am.
And it's also your fault.
Fundamentally.
You kind of fucked up.
You ate the apple.
Only for one second.
For one second.
Dude.
But yeah, you had this great take.
What is it?
You phrase it.
You phrase it.
But I was watching on YouTube yesterday.
And it's like 10 seconds.
Well, it was really like me and my wife, my wife really likes church.
And I like it too.
I grew up going to church.
My mom's like very Catholic.
We went to Catholic Mass every Sunday.
But, you know, like you get older and you're like, oh, yeah, you don't really go.
So like my wife has like expressed a desire to go to church.
And I'm like, you know what?
Like, yeah, let's just go.
Black church, white church.
So we've done both.
We've like black church way more fun.
Black church is sick.
I just feel like I'm kind of ruining it.
Like just a white guy at Black Church.
I feel like I'm like, I feel like they can't go as hard.
You know what I'm saying?
I just feel like I'm kind of a damper on the environment.
I like it.
Oh, dude.
Like, don't they look bad at this?
They're like, is this what they think we do?
Yeah.
Well, and it's also like, you know, I come from Catholic.
The Catholic Church is like the biggest church.
Sometimes you're at a black church and it's kind of still a startup.
Yeah.
You're kind of like.
But the environment's more fun.
It's so fun.
A lot more dynamic.
Yeah.
A lot more dynamic, a lot more interaction.
But we've like met in the middle kind of and like we just go to like kind of like a Christian almost mega church kind of thing.
Yeah.
So which is it's a nice format.
A lot of people hate mega churches, but it's like whatever.
People are there like trying to work on themselves and whatever.
I don't like do whatever you gotta do it.
You feel amazing.
You feel good.
You feel amazing.
Like you cannot deny the feeling you have when you walk out.
Yeah.
You know, it's great.
And it's also you sit down and it's like they're tackling issues from a point of ultimate authority that my wife respects.
Me, not so much.
If I can get the supreme creator of the universe a little bit on my side, I'm kind of like, they'll hit points and she'll be, I could see her like, that's fair.
And I'm like, oh.
Say that.
Well, I missed that part.
What are you saying?
Serve your husband.
Interesting.
I'm married to God.
But, you know, it's like a touchy subject, but there are like, because then like now where it's kind of like, you know, like, whatever, there's no difference in gender.
It's like, okay, fine.
If you're two college students, like, you know, riffing on gender stuff, it's whatever.
Once you're raising kids, you're like, yeah, there kind of are.
And it's like, not everybody's exactly the same.
Like, not all women are like this or all men are like that.
But like, yeah, when kids get hurt, they tend to run to their mom.
And like, they tend to want their mom.
Like, before I left for this, my daughter, because my wife went away for like a weekend trip, came back because I'm going to be gone for a while.
And my daughter was like, I can't wait till you go on a trip and mom's here.
Because they just, they like, if my wife's gone, they're like, what the fuck is this?
But if I'm gone, they're kind of like, I wish that guy was here, but they're fine.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
It's just, it's just, and it's nice to have like, you know, contextualize that in a way where it's not just like, you know, you're being like, make me a fucking sandwich bitch, but it's also there's, there's some reality to like the roles in household and raising kids.
Like, you know, just like the team roles and everything.
Like if you're tall, you're a center in basketball.
You know what I mean?
Like you got milk in your titties.
The kids like it.
Yeah, that's how it is.
Yeah, I just, you know, but so it's good to kind of like, otherwise, too, it's like you do have to root yourself in something.
And it's like religion is, it's, like, you go to weddings where it's like, we're just going to read like, you know, modern poetry.
And it's like, okay, this is nice, but like, you know, you root it in a real, whatever faith-based perspective.
It is just deeper and more enduring.
You know what?
You know what gets me at church is the submission, like seeing people submit to a higher power.
Like, I get emotional every single time.
It's like that.
The music is on and they're singing.
And you can tell like they're fully submitted to this higher power.
And this guy just likes when people submit.
Yeah.
I don't know.
That's just hard as hell.
How do we harness this?
No, but like, I don't know.
Like, there's something, it's something beautiful about it.
Yeah.
There's just this idea that like you're not going to try to control every aspect of your life.
The idea that you're not the biggest thing in the world.
Yeah.
Like you're humbling yourself.
And in such a narcissistic society.
Oh, it's nice to see this pocket of people or this place where everybody remembers, oh, there's a much bigger thing out there.
Yeah.
It's like now, my one piece of pushback is I do think if you are married, Islam is probably the best religion as a man.
Yeah.
And I formed this opinion when we were doing shows in Malaysia.
I think I headline one weekend after you headline or something.
And I asked about Valentine's Day or something.
And then everybody got quiet.
And then I said, what's going on?
They said, we don't celebrate Valentine's.
I said, why not?
They said, I don't know.
It's haram.
And I was like, what does that mean?
They're like, well, it's against God's will.
And I was like, isn't that convenient?
The day for them.
Everybody's like, you know what?
God don't like it.
God don't like it.
And I was like, that is fire.
That is awesome.
I mean, the real reason they don't celebrate is because it's St. Valentine.
Right?
You look at it.
You're just like, they fucking ain't wine.
Jesus is a prophet, but we're going to draw the line of St. Valentine.
Well, they don't count the saints.
So they just count the prophets.
Christmas ain't haram.
Christmas is haram.
I went to Malaysia.
I saw Christmas decorations everywhere.
We went Christmas time.
Yeah, but it's still haram.
But there's still Christmas decorations everywhere.
Yeah, you can't celebrate Christmas.
It's haram.
You've putting up decorations.
They'll celebrate.
They're giving gifts.
They're doing the celebrate the birth of a prophet?
Yeah.
That's not haram.
Yeah, they might not go to church and pray to St. Valentine, but you give gifts in the same way they won't go to church on Christmas, but they'll give gifts.
But because it was like this day is for them and it's a lot of pressure on us.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're done with that.
Align with it.
They're people too.
I can respect that.
You know, like, I think that's what I've learned.
It's like they're also people.
You know what I mean?
Like, they're human beings.
At the end of the day, you know, like, as long as they apologize and submit to me, they're human beings.
No, that is a sick move, though, to be like, yeah, man, we're just not with the whole thing.
You know, that's, I try to be like, it's just, it's like a Hallmark holiday.
My wife's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But they don't work.
But if you're like, hey, God don't like it.
Now, what you're going to do.
Yeah, you can't really force God.
Yeah.
Sit down.
Jehovah's got that down.
Yeah, they do that with birthdays, too.
They do it with birthdays.
Yeah, and women love their birthdays.
Yep.
Anniversaries, probably.
I don't even know.
I'm just talking about that.
Birthdays, really?
Birthdays.
That's a tough one to stop.
Women love their birthdays.
I can't.
I didn't.
I got in a massive fight with my wife on a birthday.
That's pretty worth.
He's like, hold on, what type of Christian birthday?
Sounds impossible.
These facts like Jones winners.
I don't think they don't get presents.
You can celebrate.
Like, you can say happy birthday to one another.
They avoid celebrations with roots and pagan customs.
Yeah.
You can't celebrate anybody butt gut.
Yeah.
That's a slippery slope because I would like to take away Valentine's Day, but then you do Christmas, Halloween.
Thanks, Thanksgiving, cool.
Probably not.
You could do hot.
You can do Thanksgiving thing.
No, thanks.
That's true.
Can't dress up.
Yeah, you can't do a ghost on Halloween.
Yeah.
Sometimes you got to give up something to get something.
You know what I mean?
True.
Yeah.
Not bad.
All right, guys.
Let's take a break for a second.
Holiday Holidays to Cancel00:03:26
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Is the flute stuff Native American?
The flute's everywhere.
But the ones I were playing were native.
They were like native flutes, yeah.
But it's just here or native to South America.
I think it was like native to America.
It was just those native flutes are just a pentatonic scale and they're just five notes.
So like you're just only playing within the scale.
They have the Asian flute, they have the Celtic flute.
They're just like slightly different.
Right.
Every society has pretty much a flute.
Somewhere.
Native Flutes and Pentatonic Scales00:15:48
Had the flutaphone.
What was the flutaphone?
This is like this ghetto-ass instrument they gave us public school kids to like make it seem like we were the recorder.
I've never heard of it.
I got a recorder.
Yeah, you got it.
What is that?
The flutophone, bro.
That's the one.
Nice.
That's the squidward.
I think that's the squid word.
That's the squid word.
That shit is more the flutophone.
Wow.
So that's probably major.
It's just the spork of instruments.
Yeah.
You can't play it wrong.
Whatever you're dealing with it is the right thing.
Yeah.
You ever try to sing to your kids and then realize you don't know any of the words and you're a terrible singer and they get pissed?
Personal story.
Early on, sir.
Early on.
You ever try to have sex with your wife and you hear your nanny reading llama llama bread?
You have to do that.
You ever do that?
No?
Yeah.
I've pushed for if, yeah, we have a baby.
I call her a babysitter, but she's a nanny, but she's there during the day.
But yeah, if I try to have sex while she's in the house, my wife's like, absolutely not.
Can't do it.
Yeah, she can't.
She won't do it.
What do you, how do you like, how do you do that?
What?
Have sex with your wife.
That's literally like the overarching thesis of my entire special, just how to find your wife.
It's a trick, man.
There is a trick to it, man.
Okay, to break it down.
Yo, this is, I swear to God, I stopped.
Well, I do my best to stop masturbating.
I've been pretty successful.
Yeah.
So I told her, I said, look, you know, like, you obviously hate if I watch porn.
Totally valid.
I'm not even going to jerk off anymore.
She's like, that's awesome.
I'm like, but it's your thing now.
I'm passing it.
You're irresponsible.
I'm passing it.
You gave her the role.
You're doing a godly thing.
Now she got to do it.
Yeah, I'm like, you just, I don't want to.
Tamas isn't going to control Gaza, but now we have someone else.
But I kind of just told her, I don't know.
I was just kind of like, you know what it was?
And it's not even like true reverse psychology.
I was like, I'm kind of trying to retain.
I was like, I'm more into retaining.
I feel stronger.
Because before I just be begging her, begging her.
Second she heard that.
Oh, bro.
I'm going to destroy you.
And I kind of, honestly, now I like the feeling of like, I just kind of let it ride.
I don't like, I used to get like, it was like only, I felt like it was a thing that was being done to me personally.
Like, if I'd want to have sex and she wasn't in the mood, I'd be like, how the fuck would you not want to do it?
I'm not like partying everywhere.
I've been mean to her for three days and partying everywhere.
I'm not even all the way hard.
What is this woman?
She's been responding children all day and over here with a hard pick and she doesn't want to handle that?
I did a podcast for two hours and came home working hard.
I'm tired too, all right?
We're all doing it.
Yeah, and I just, you know what?
I was just like, I just, it was like a vicious loop because then you get like mad about it.
You get cagey about it.
And I was like, you know what, man?
I'm just like, I just like got to the point where it was like, I'm just not going to worry about it, man.
When it comes, it comes.
When it doesn't, it doesn't.
And it just like, once I let go of that whole thing, I just feel like it's just, it's just more and more now.
And it's nice too when you, they can tell too.
When you're like goons, when you've been like watching the porn, all that stuff, they know, dude.
Like they can feel the difference.
What do you mean?
What do you mean by that?
Dude, you know, Goon.
Of course, I know what Goonie is.
It's like they can.
It's been in California the last three years.
I'm very familiar with Goonie.
They can tell.
I'm surprised my drain not pregnant.
You like, you hit a gear, especially if you're like watching porn all the time and jerking off.
Yeah.
You like, like, your boner is just like different, give a different, give a goon boner.
Once you remove that, and you're just like seven days of just nothing at all, yeah, dude.
Like, you'll catch like, I'll catch like my wife's like brawn.
You like, get horny, like you did when you were younger.
Yeah, and then you break her off of that, and she's like, whoa, dude, this is crazy.
You break her off with that, break her off of that, yeah.
So, this radio play is gonna be phenomenal.
I can cross my legs and I get stiff right now.
He's breaking over some dick, right?
He's got so horny from containers.
He's like, What if lesbians are suspicious?
I wrote it.
I wrote it when I had like first stopped watching porn.
I know.
Shane's like, Shane's like, dude, just watch fucking porn.
Just drink off.
He's like, This is wrong.
I have an apartment I use as an office.
He's like, You're just in your fucking apartment getting yourself hard.
Stop.
The other thing, though, with the porn stuff in marriage is like, well, for me, if I get into a little funk with my wife, I do that, I'd like slither away and be like, she'd fall asleep.
Like, I'm gonna jerk off.
And you get like a little parachute, and it's helpful to take that away.
So now it's like, we gotta hash this shit out.
We gotta work it out.
You have to work it out.
But the thing I found is like, don't be too hard on yourself because, like, you know, sometimes you do just have to relieve the pressure valve.
Yes.
You know, so what do you do in those circumstances?
A little nocturnal emission?
I mean, no, you just gotta, you gotta just, sometimes you just gotta slither away.
But it's like, you know, but if that's if you start doing that all the time all the time, I think it just kind of just like waters you down a little bit.
I subscribe to this.
Just because you get older, dude.
These guys on boner pills, it's like, bro, but but you need to.
There's another thing that happens if you don't for a while.
I feel like you can get used to not.
Yeah.
For me, where it's just like, I think being, I think like doing it more consistently is better.
Like it allows, like it like tells my body, like, hey, we need to continue building this up.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Yeah, I ran into that early on where I was like, dude, is my dick dead?
Like, I haven't like, no one's touched it in two weeks, and I think it's dead now.
Yeah.
You're all right about that.
But I do think you fuck.
And then like two days later, you're like, I really, I need this again.
Like, right.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a tricky thing.
I just try to, because a lot of people have become like absolutists about it.
We're like, I'll never do it ever again.
But it's like, for me, like, I try my best not to.
Yeah.
And I try to stack like months at a time where I don't.
But like, eventually I'll head it.
I'll get a night where like, you know, I've had too much coffee that day.
My wife's asleep.
I'm awake and my whole body is just vibrating.
And at that point, it's like, dude, just rub it out quietly.
Catch a quick imagination beat and just go to bed.
I was getting, I was getting fucking, what is it called?
Nocturnal emissions.
What is a wet dreams?
That's the best.
Like regularly.
Never had one, dude.
Really?
Really?
I've been getting those.
Bro, it's amazing.
It is.
I mean, it is, it is fantastic.
It's awesome.
That's so fantastic.
It's guilt-free.
It's like, and it's always weird.
Like, you always come like right, but like, I don't like, I'm not like this stallion in my wet dream.
Yeah.
Like, I like just put my dick in the girl's mouth and immediately I've apologized in a wet dream.
Like, I do not, I say, I'm sorry.
And then I wake up and I just come all over my boxes.
Like, it's always pass, but the buildup is amazing.
That is cool.
Every time I'm having a dream like that, it just ends.
Maybe it happened once, but like, dude, it like, I don't get them.
I'm always like, please.
Oh, pretty much the first.
That's like every time I go to bed, I'm like, you got to hide your underwear like a slut.
I try to come into the underwear and then I hide it in the hamper.
They get chilly there.
Someone else gets it.
Amazon needs to get chilly quick.
They catch the wind, man.
No, I don't like it because it ruins my sleep all the time.
Because once I come and I'm changing boxes, I'm up.
I'm not going back to sleep.
Wait, what are you trying to wake your babe up?
I'm like, I just fucking came.
I just fucking came.
Breathing her air.
That's what they love.
Yeah, my body just forced it out of me.
That's how long it's been.
You ever been caught?
That's always embarrassing.
Yes, I've been caught too many times.
Wait, really?
Oh, yeah.
What do you mean, caught?
Can't your wife?
Yeah, for sure.
Like, where are you?
Like, I've been busted.
And, like, I got busted.
We were like dating, and I was in her apartment beating off, and she caught me.
That's insane.
We're in the apartment.
I'm like, I was in her bed.
Hold on.
She like ran out.
I don't think she'd be back.
I got caught in the shower a couple months ago.
Slow down here.
You guys are just dating.
You're in her bed.
Is she also in the bed?
No, I thought she was gone.
She, like, I had gone.
I think we like were like loosely kind of living together staying there a lot.
And she left.
And I thought she's going to be gone for longer than she was.
And I was just sitting on the edge of her bed beating.
On the edge.
And she even like she replicated it.
She came in.
You're like, ugh.
And I was like, don't ever fucking do that.
That's not what it's about.
She's busting me.
Hold on.
So she walks in.
Do you like the phone and like cover yourself?
No, I didn't hear her come in because she does like to like sneak up and scare me and shit.
So she like slipped in quietly.
I'm just on the edge of her bed just watching fucking the hub beating off.
And she was like, What are you doing?
I was like, oh, busted me.
You just got to take it.
Like, yeah, you got me.
But now you're embarrassed with a just full rock.
I was humiliated, bro.
I was bricked.
I was completely bricked up.
So yeah, she's got, she laughs.
She's got me a couple of times.
She just thinks it's funny.
I'm like, it's not funny.
I feel so humiliated.
Yeah, she can get me, man.
She's light on her feet.
She doesn't like the, you watch the porn, huh?
No.
My wife doesn't like that either.
What?
What do you think that's about?
I mean, I. Where does that come from?
Like, I'm trying to, I guess maybe I'm just so detached from them actually being like human beings.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, they're not like real people.
It's like a cartoon.
It's like, I don't think they have souls or anything.
But maybe they think that we're really attracted to these people.
Yeah, I think it's just like.
Am I not enough?
I think is and also too, like, like, imagine.
I said this before because guys, like, especially back in the day, it was like, oh, dude, like lesbians hooking up porn.
Like, imagine if your wife was watching like two dudes like slam each other.
You'd be kind of like, whoa.
Yeah, what the fuck are you doing?
That'd be weird.
And if your wife was watching the, oh, yeah, like, yeah.
Because if you caught your wife watching porn, you'd be like, what the fuck are you doing?
Yeah.
That would bother the shit out of me.
Yeah.
I'd be so upset.
But I still think I should be able to do that.
Tell me weird about it.
I'm staunchly in favor of double standards.
The funny thing is the jerk off-related thing is tributes.
You ever heard of this?
Yeah.
This is the funniest thing in the world to me.
Have you heard of that?
No, Dudes will do this.
And they'll post on like Twitter or Reddit.
And they'll basically just like print out a picture of like a hot girl.
Like they'll print out like a picture of like Sidney Sweeney.
And then they'll just jerk off onto like the paper, like black and white.
And then they'll post a picture and be like, just did another one, boys.
Yeah, posting's crazy.
They share it with like their internal creativity.
Crazy.
These guys are drew sterkoff on paper.
It's so funny to me.
Because it's a tribute to the girls.
What a crazy existence Sidney Sweeney has.
It's so funny.
To be like, oh, yeah, there's guys who print out pictures of me, jerk off on them, and then put them online.
Every now and again, you'll see a warrior that just jerked off on his MacBook Air.
And you're like, dude, that's a real machine.
Come on.
That's wild, dude.
How does she become like such a player in the culture war?
I mean, yeah, but I guess even before the jeans thing, wasn't she kind of like her parents, I think, approach Trump.
Maybe not.
I think she's at a party.
There's like a Trump flag behind her.
Got it.
She was a raised Republican.
Her parents were a piece of shit on a political whim, and now she's.
Yeah.
She were like, the hot girl doesn't think what I think.
I'm mad.
Because all the hot girls are like also to have my same politics.
Exactly.
If I'm watching Port, I'm like, dude, she has to believe in healthcare.
That gets fundamental.
So evil too to be like, denounce your parents for like the 2016 election.
It's like, dude, it'll be over in two weeks.
Yeah.
He raised you.
Yeah.
Okay.
That makes more sense now.
Yeah.
That was like the first rumor of it.
And then yeah, the jeans commercial came out.
It was just so fucking ridiculous.
That was so fucking dumb.
Like people.
People already were mad, though.
And then they saw something that, like, you know, they couldn't.
Yeah, the feeling has to exist.
And then you just attach more and more things onto the feeling.
But now she's part of this conversation.
And she will be in perpetuity.
Yeah.
You know, some movie's going to come out.
There's going to be some line of the new season Euphoria is going to have some line.
Oh, what this really means.
She's trying to interject politics into blah, blah, blah.
Well, dude, I think they figured it out too.
Because remember, like they figured out at one point, maybe like the 90s, we were like, oh, let's show cool people in a commercial.
And then we'll be like, I'm cool if I buy a.
That was like a big marketing hack they figured out.
That happens in the 90s.
Yeah, like they started figuring out how to like, you know, or maybe like earlier, we're like, we'll show a beautiful person.
Yeah.
And then we'll associate like the desirability with that product.
That was like a thing, like a psychology trick for marketing.
They came out, let's just say a long time ago.
And now I think they really know, like, if we can just get these people pissed, it doesn't matter what about who's mad or why.
Oh, the marketing is enraged.
Yeah, just get them furious and then we'll sell more toothbrushes.
Oh, that's the Cracker Barrel thing.
I just saw an article on Gizmodo that's it was like mostly bot driven.
So this is fascinating.
Did you see this?
50% of the tweets about the Cracker Barrel like changing the logo were bots.
That sucks.
From where?
I don't know.
So it's one of these things where it's just like, obviously, we know it happens in music, right?
Yeah.
Like, so this is like pretty, it's not even pretty proven.
It is proven, right?
That like they used to do the payolo with the radios where they pay him to play it, which is like a version, but then you're still playing the song and people are still listening to it.
This is like bots are listening to music.
So certain artists that we think are at a certain size really aren't at that size, right?
So there's just like fake listening to there, but it gives the illusion that they're the number one or they got a huge record, blah, blah, blah.
But the fact that this is also happening with like social trends and like you pump up a story, so the Cracker Barrel thing goes crazy.
Then these like TikTok journalists see that something's trending on Twitter.
So they make their video reacting to the thing.
Yeah.
And then reaction channels react to these people.
And then it's, it becomes truth.
Yeah.
Like something that's completely fabricated and astro-turfed becomes the reality.
It was this, somebody said this, so I don't want to take credit for it, but like it's like there's a Fox News, the New York Post pipeline.
I don't know if you've heard about this, like how you essentially like launder information into a real story.
And I'm sure the left does this as well, but like it's like an op-ed piece on Fox News.
Like, this is what I think.
Yeah.
Then later the reporting from the news reports on the op-ed.
And then by the next morning, it's on the front page of the post and it is truth.
Oh, right?
That's really weird.
So how much of that shit is happening?
Yeah.
How much of that shit is happening on a regular basis?
Like, how much of the things we're seeing are just some random person curating an idea of something and that being repeated nonstop and algorithmically fed to us until it just kind of becomes reality.
Yeah.
And then it's like people parroting it.
It's not even about it being true.
News Stories That Fade Fast00:03:39
It's like, can I increase my like virtual self-worth through this?
And it becomes this like almost like a mold-like growth.
And the algorithm is going to reward the more extreme opinions.
Yeah, 100% more.
That was, yeah, that's because there's been a bunch of weird political shit going on.
It's like, you know, all this, a lot of the passion.
My take on a lot of this stuff is like, it's not even so much about the politics or anything.
It's like people almost like a bug attaching themselves and being like, yes, my follower count's rising.
And it's like, it just makes me feel really weird, man.
It's like, oh, 100%.
And I wonder if they're able to reflect on their need for that attention.
Like, sometimes things feel good and you don't attach the feeling good to the behavior.
So, for example, like an actor starts dating another actor and they get all this publicity for dating that person.
And they want publicity.
They want attention.
Like, that is part of the game.
So they might think they really like that person, but in reality, they like the outcome.
Yeah.
I didn't think about that.
But they might not be able to tell the difference.
And that's what I'm saying.
It might not be nefarious.
It's worse.
It's even worse.
I don't know what's worse.
It's sad.
It's sad and it's fucked up.
But like maybe they're not self-reflective enough to go like, I don't really like this person.
I like the outcome of being with this person.
Yeah, that's true.
Like people in the political space are like, they don't know that they're not a liberal.
They just love attention.
Or they don't know that they're not a conservative.
That's not the most important thing.
They just love the feedback.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, you see people like making that their identity.
And like, I wonder if they think like, maybe it's so short-sighted that they're just, they're going like, oh, this is what's getting attention right now.
And it's tough to get attention in this economy where there's content everywhere and people are eyeballs all over the place.
So they're doing a thing that's getting attention in the moment.
And they think that that will be like their career marker, their designer.
And they don't realize like in three months, nobody's going to care.
Yeah, literally not at all.
It's like, yeah, they're like, you don't remember.
You don't even remember.
I think like some overwhelming percentage, like 90-something percent of the things you were worried about three months later, you don't even remember like what they were.
And it's like, let alone news stories.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I forget which comic had this joke, but he's like, the news is just gossip.
Yeah.
Like it's just gossip.
Like it's just like, did you hear that this guy in your town did this?
Yeah.
And that's just like a headline.
And everyone's like, whoa.
A lot of people are saying this thing.
Yeah.
And you're like, what, really?
I really don't consume the news that much.
It doesn't.
Well, yeah, it doesn't matter.
It's like, it doesn't really affect you because eventually someone will be like, hey, do you hear about this?
And you go, well, I didn't hear about that.
What happened?
And they tell you.
And you get to filter out all of the other stuff.
Trice had a bit 10 years ago before social media algorithms, whatever.
And he was like, the news is important because it tells you what to care about.
It was really smart because it's like, all we care about is what they tell us to care about.
And now it's TikTok, bots, potentially China just telling us, oh, this is the thing that matters and dividing us more and more.
Yeah, yeah.
And we were talking about this earlier, but like before the pod, but like that algorithm, you'll see four or five people talking about a thing and you'll believe that that thing is more important than it actually is because there's like an inescapability.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, yeah, well, newspapers used to do this before like the algorithm stuff.
Like, you know, if there was like a big car crash, that would get, you'd write up a story and that would be like, oh man, that got a lot of coverage.
So then other papers would be like, yo, let's cover this car.
So like it would make it look like they're happening more and more, but they're just the same amount, but they're being reported on more because that fed somewhere.
You had with the train crash from that train crash and all of a sudden it's like, dude, there's a train crashing every week.
Pre-Algorithm Newspaper Coverage00:10:23
Yeah.
And then you look it up.
It's like they will, they just happen all the time, but nobody reports on it.
Yeah.
It's really weird.
Yeah.
I mean, it makes sense, right?
Like they're trying to sell.
Yeah, but you're going, dude, we're having an episode of just why is it what's happening?
People start connecting all these dots.
It's like, nah, man, this is just what was happening.
Yeah.
Planes sometimes crash.
We had a lot of meeting of all those plane crashes for a while.
Yeah.
Non-stop.
And it was like, and then stop, but we fixed it.
Yeah, we're done.
Yeah, we must have fixed it.
Yeah, Trump kept him in the air somehow.
He came in.
He was like, dude, stay up there.
No, there was a good six months where it felt like the Boeings were just falling out of the sky.
And it made itself into jokes.
Did you notice that?
Like, falling apart, like a Boeing jet kind of became a tag almost in Komodo.
Oh, yeah.
Like, that's how I know something is really in the zeitgeist when it becomes like taglines and comedy because we're really downstream.
Like, we're attached to culture, but for it to be a punchline, it has to be ubiquitous.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, the audience has to be like really aware of this thing.
And yeah, wow.
I don't know.
I'm just like, I'm just really interested in the information consumption and like how like how we're viewing the world.
And yeah, it's like, it's kind of fucked up.
Like, what are my, like, I have these opinions about AOC, right?
I don't even fucking know her.
I've never listened to a whole speech.
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't really know anything about her.
Like, and I, and I have to like talk back opinions I have.
For sure.
And I'm like, who gave me these?
Like, what did I consume?
What was served to me, not even from people I follow?
Like, what's just thrown onto my phone that gave me this version of a human being that kind of like stripped the humanity from her.
Yeah.
It's true.
Yeah.
If I see, if I even see that she's about to talk, there's a part of my brain like, what the fuck?
Dude, like, I've never met her before.
I actually think that that's going to like, if she was to run, I think that that would really negatively impact her chances because she has 100% face recognition, meaning 100% of not 100%, but like a very high percentage of the people who vote in America have a strong opinion about her already.
Yeah.
Obama came through on some like, who the fuck is this guy?
So he got to, you got to form your opinion on him in real time.
Based on his campaign, which is nice.
It was really nice.
I'm actually the man.
You're like, yeah, he is.
Right.
And I remember in the moment, like, I remember I saw him do a speech.
I was like, oh my God, I got this maze.
Like, yeah, he should probably wait a little bit so we learn a little bit more about him.
Like, there was this idea, like, oh, he was a junior senator or whatever, like that.
Wait a second.
And now I'm like, don't wait at all.
Zoran on fire.
Zoron, like, Zoran, to your point.
Wait, you don't want them to know things about you because the things they know about you aren't even who you are.
It's what people say about you.
And it gives them time to find a thing to make a story.
Yeah, true.
You got to come out of nowhere.
That's kind of crazy.
I didn't know because Trump we knew, Biden, we knew.
But to your point, Zoron, we just, he just came in.
I go.
And it's like, we were talking this earlier, but it's like, even with Zoran, it's like there are multiple versions of who this guy is.
Like, and none of them are who he actually is.
Yeah.
Right?
It's like they're these like flattened 2D versions of him.
So like he's either a fucking communist, he's an anti-Semite, or he's like a liberator and he's going to help the people of New York City.
And like, people believe one of those three.
Yeah.
He's a rapper from Uganda.
That's another thing.
That's who he really is.
Yeah, he's a rap and he loves Uganda.
He's a Uganda rapper.
Yeah.
You know that.
He's like Burnable, dude.
I mean, the reps are decent.
I don't know.
I haven't listened to that shit.
He doesn't fit in for your radio.
With the accent from there.
What?
Yeah.
That'll be true.
No, he knows.
How long has he been in office for here?
He hasn't won yet.
Oh, he isn't.
I thought he won already.
Even he won the Prime Prime.
So he basically win.
Derek Adams dropped out of the general trying to get him to lose because I think him and Cuomo are eating off each other.
So we'll see what happens.
But there's a perfect example.
It's like, this is not on your fucking radar because it doesn't need to be on your fucking radar.
Like, you don't live in New York City.
But like in New York City, you have all these billionaires who are freaking out because they're going to have to pay 2% more in taxes or whatever.
And they're just like, we got to find a way to get this guy.
God forbid, I have 2% less of the money I already don't pay in taxes.
Whatever.
I mean, there are other problems that I see with it, whatever.
But like, is it that big of a deal?
It's not going to affect your life.
I'm all about the experiment.
I'm like, dude, this country's an experiment.
Tell us an experiment.
And again, if I don't have to live in the city even better, let's see how it works.
Maybe it works.
Maybe it works.
I don't know.
If it doesn't, then you'll go, yeah, we did.
We tried it.
And it's pie on his face.
Yeah.
Like, that's one thing I would ask him.
Like, what if it doesn't work?
And like, it's actually really negative.
Like, how will you feel about, how would you feel about it?
Like, yeah.
Like, not as like a gotcha, but more as like, would you like feel horrible that like people ended up being in a worse position?
And like, yeah.
Like, I wonder if.
Are you comfortable with that risk?
Are you taking some books?
Yeah.
Like, I wonder if politicians didn't think about that shit.
Like, what are the, do they not at least?
I think Mao at the end was like, fuck, dude.
I realized I'm a lot of dead ancients.
My handle shot himself.
He said, you know what?
Not the move.
Did he commit suicide?
Yeah, he killed himself, didn't he?
Really?
He killed his wife.
That's a story.
That's a story.
I think it was.
I don't know in trouble.
Where's the body?
Like an alternative reality over here.
He's in Argentina, right?
You could have snuck him out of there easily.
I mean, probably, honestly.
Yeah, it's, I feel like we're just, though, come to grips with it.
The fact that, like, because it like, you know, COVID especially, like, it, that whole, like, just the narrative and feeling around COVID, like tore families apart just from like how you perceive how you perceived it.
And I think I'm hoping younger kids are able to like see it and be like, oh, okay.
Like they get more kind of aware of like, this is what's, because I was like aware enough to read the news when I was in college and be like, yeah, but this, there's interest behind the news.
I remember I was on a construction site and like this guy was like reading the paper and he's like, dude, I can't believe blah, blah, blah, blah.
He's freaking out about an article.
I'm like, yeah, but you know, like, that's because people have interests and they promote certain ideas.
And like the guy was just looking at me like, no, this is reality.
What are you talking about?
Yeah.
You're ruining it.
You're a good time.
Yeah.
And I had to be like, oh, shit, there's people that don't understand like literally like critical things.
Well, this is how this works.
They're just like, no, this is it.
This is, that's the words and that's, that's what they said happened and that's what happened.
What the fuck are you talking about?
That's all.
That's literally all of us.
Yeah.
That's what I think we're figuring out now.
About something.
Yeah.
Like the things like that are absurd, we'll look at and laugh at.
And then there are certain things that I won't question at all.
And someone would look at me and be like, that's ridiculous.
How could you not question that?
You know, like, it's, I, it's, I, uh, it's like anytime I'm talking to like a conservative buddy who's like, yeah, we're just too much government, you know, over, too much government influence on things.
Like, we need to reduce government.
Like, just let business do its thing.
And I'm like, you know, Kellogg's will put poison in the cereal.
Yeah.
They'll do it.
Right.
They did it.
And that's why we got the don't put the poison in the cereal commission.
Like, it didn't start as the don't put the poison in the cereal.
Someone put it in.
Yeah.
Right?
Exactly.
Yeah.
And then we're like, okay, fuck, we got to make a government company here to stop them from doing it.
You think North Korea feels bad for us?
Like, I wonder if a North Koreans like, dude, you guys don't know what to believe.
Everyone believes different things.
They're over there being like, dude, we all believe this.
If they weren't hungry, it would be the life.
So maybe they're like, it's tough med.
Maybe they're living it up.
Maybe they are.
And our government's like, no, this shit sucks over there.
No, they might be living it up.
You ever hear about the shit balloons they send to South Korea?
South Koreans have been sending them like, you know, like cool technology over to North Korea.
Like, hey, guys, by the way, there's a whole other world.
And North Koreans have been, I guess the government's been responding with their own balloons just with shit.
They just send shit balloons that just fall out of the sky.
They're just so fucking turd for people.
What a great government job.
I need you to shit in this balloon.
He's like, I'm going to need to eat for that.
No, you don't.
Figure it out.
Or just like it's like a basket being carried by a bunch of balloons and eventually they pop and just turn.
Wow.
This shit's not.
Like volcano bags.
It's filled with wow.
Yeah man, I mean, that's wild, that's pretty.
But on this specific issue, I think they might be happier.
Just on this specific part.
Yeah, it actually on the information part.
It makes me question all this, because it's like, okay, so we have this idea, we live in this like free society where there's all this information, and then, but like 10 years ago, we would have never questioned, like what the NEW YORK Times wrote or like what you know, CNN or FOX NEWS, Right Thing.
And then we live in this age where we're like oh, maybe mainstream media isn't exactly telling you the truth, but if, like tick tocker posts it, then it must be real.
Right, so it's like we've shifted our trust to people who are arguably less trustworthy.
Yeah, like just some random person on the internet that's doing like a video where like, he's imposed in front of a picture.
No, but that's just convincing though bro, how do you have green screen capabilities?
Like there's technology involved, especially if you walk into a news station.
You're like oh, Jesus Christ, it's like it looks like so cheap.
You're like this is where all the official information is.
This is how we decide to go to war in Iraq.
Yeah, I do.
Yeah theater, a play, theater yeah I, I it really the.
What I think honestly is like we'll eventually realize that you know there's we're not gonna like, there's not like any brand of logic or thinking that's gonna ultimately conquer you know, like reality or life in a way that's gonna deliver us to some like better life.
You know what I mean.
Like the Republican way is not gonna do it, Democrat way is not gonna do it.
Yeah, there's been like a huge push in philosophy from like I don't know, the 1500s on.
We're like dudes out of nowhere because they used to believe in like fucking, like vampires and demons in the medieval times and then at one point these guys started being like you know, if we just use pure reason, we can like figure all this stuff out, and they tried that for, you know, till now and it's just it's not working.
So it's like because people build an atom bomb and then you know just computers.
But it's like if I, I really think, if people just start like chilling on the political stuff and be like, let me just try to be nice i'll, i'll read what I read, that's fine, but i'm gonna try to be as nice as possible.
Yeah yeah exactly.
Republicans, Democrats, and Philosophy00:12:16
It's like a good father, be a good.
A lot of y'all screaming about political stuff.
Your family hates you.
They hate you.
Oh dude, it's shouting so and so down for xyz.
Your son hates you.
Yeah it's, it's just, it's a complete distraction.
It's like dude, you know, but it seems into everything though, like the worst is with parenting, like my girl sent me a tick tock.
She's like, yeah dude, the sun is bad.
Oh, and i'm like, well, did you get to the end of the video?
Because I think at the end they try to sell you something and in all these parenting videos it would be a mom like, what's up, mommies?
The sun is evil, it will kill your kid.
Also, i'm selling baby sunscreen and it's at the end.
And i'm like you got to see if they're selling it.
You don't have to listen to it and there's a chance that person's literally, ai yeah yeah, I got tricked, I got looking.
Almost perfect, I got tricked.
Recently I bought a copper water bottle, the doctor being like, if you have your water and copper, it charges it.
Yeah, they finally sent it from China.
It was stainless steel.
On the box it said material type, stainless steel, and I took a magnet to test it, because copper it's like it won't.
It doesn't hold a magnet.
The copper thing is an Ayurvedic thing.
Is it really water out of copper?
Yeah, so it turns out.
It is true.
I died.
Yeah, Google even verified it.
So I was like i'm in the clear and then like, but it was like I think it was a fake Ai doctor and they just sent me Some fucking stainless steel thing.
If you can hook me up, bro.
I almost got caught with that on TikTok with Bonsai.
I was getting into Bonsai and I would watch just endless bonsai videos.
And I was like, I think I'm going to fucking buy one.
This is when I knew he was in a bad place emotionally.
Been there, brother.
I had a bonsai tree die in my basement.
Why would you put it in the basement?
There's no weedless.
Hold on one second.
Wait, when did you get into bonsai?
Shane bought me a bonsai tree like a couple years ago.
And I had already been like blabbering to my wife.
Like, I'm going to get in a bonsai garden down here.
I'm going to put the you because like outside, you can't really control the environment.
So that's why I wanted to base myself.
Yeah, and then I uh, it was, it was doing all right.
And then I was like, I'm going to put it outside so the leaves change.
What type of do you remember what the tree was?
I had a elm, some sort of elm tree.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, I was so sad to die.
Yeah.
It's awesome.
How did it die?
I was taking care of it.
Were you wiring?
I put it outside.
Were you doing the wiring and everything?
No, no, no.
I had it.
He got me the bonsai, and then I was trying to just grow it and like just control it and trip.
It got shot by.
So I didn't.
You were growing up doing it from like seed, basically?
No, no, no, no.
I didn't even buy one.
I was just watching like endless videos about it.
I'm like, I want to kind of get into this.
I don't know what was going on emotionally, but something that I needed control.
Because that's really what bonsai is.
It's like, I'll make this tree go where I want it.
It's going to be tiny.
I'm going to be so much bigger compared to you.
It looks big, but it's small.
Like, that's the whole concept.
It looks old, but it's tiny.
They look awesome.
Those videos are so fucking cool.
And the guys that are into it, it's like, I know, I know, I know.
But you're eventually going to go through it and then you're going to get hit by the algorithm by a fucking bonsai video.
And you're going to text me and go, I understand.
I look forward to that, actually.
Wait, how'd you get Dupud, though?
This seems all I almost bought it because I was like, I'm going to buy one.
It looked amazing.
And then the comments popped up and they were like, did it.
It was horrible.
Doesn't look anything like this.
And it was a guy who was me, but like two weeks ago.
And I was like, all right, few.
Thanks, bro.
Like, I'm just going to reach out personally.
Like, he came back to the video.
Wow.
It was like, fucking.
Yeah.
He's like, you're not going to get more people.
This one's now.
Do you garden at all?
No.
No.
Do you guys garden?
No.
Tell me, tell.
I have a garden that other people garden and stuff.
I'm big into landscaping.
I love it.
If you had the bonsai itch, start a garden is really nice.
But you're actually curating the garden.
Yeah, I just plant the stuff.
I like, I go and I grew a little bit of food.
I have like a tiny space to do it, but I grew a little bit of food.
Then you start learning about, like, I have a flower bed that I like plant different flowers and stuff.
And it's just, man, it's amazing.
It is.
Gardening is really, really nice.
I have a Sego palm now.
It's just like a houseplant, but it was around since the dinosaurs.
Sego palms.
Not really a palm.
It's a psychad or something.
And they've been around since the dinosaurs.
Miles knows all this shit.
Oh, bro.
I don't know.
I just found out they're really poisonous for dogs.
You got to be careful.
But dude, I've been like just spurred on my wife.
I've been spurting on my wife.
Like, you know, that's been around since the dinosaurs, right?
And she's just like, I don't fucking care.
I tell you something about this.
Bro, I've been in Australia shooting this movie for the last two months.
Okay.
A week ago, I'm with my wife and we're watching a movie on her on the laptop and a message comes up on a laptop and it says a Viva dog sitter.
And I literally turned my wife around.
I was like, oh, we got a dog.
I forgot we had a dog.
I don't know what that says about me.
I don't know if it's because I have a child now or something, but like I literally saw dogs there.
My first reaction was like, the fuck is a dog sitter texting?
Like, I thought she was cheating or something like that.
She had a pizza hut or whatever.
But I forgot.
That's kind of beautiful, though.
Because then you got to come along and you're like, oh, shit, you're here.
Yeah.
That's kind of nice.
Oh, my God.
What kind of dog do you have?
Golden Doodle.
Oh, man.
This is what nobody warns you about with the doodle mixer.
Price.
The high energy also.
Super high energy.
And if it's big.
They're not the price to buy them to maintain them.
Big and high energy is a lot.
Our dog is a half poodle, but he's eight pounds.
So when he gets high energy, it's like adorable.
A little annoying.
Poodles.
When they're 80 pounds and you got a one-year-old kid, it's a different high-energy dog.
Our cottage dog is a bonsai.
It's out of his dogs.
It is.
He jumped on my dog's back.
My dog used to like his dog and now he hates it.
She almost killed him.
Respect.
Respect.
It's a she.
My dog's a she.
I forgot that until right now.
Yeah.
Wow.
It is a she.
A couple ladies at home.
I forgot about this dog.
What's up, Miles?
I have a question if we can.
When you were doing this radio play stuff, I love radio plays.
I think they're really cool.
I tried to write one once.
You weren't horny enough.
That wasn't.
No, it was about.
It was a podcast murder mystery.
Oh, nice.
Cool.
Did you ever look at it?
It's crazy.
The boss.
Give this man a race before you get murdered.
Oh, shit.
I didn't even put that together.
We got a podcast.
Oh, no.
What?
Honestly, when you said that, I thought you did like a podcast murder mystery.
I thought that you were just replacing radio show with podcasts.
No, But like you're saying, a murder takes place on a podcast.
Who done it?
And the host.
He just is really abused by his boss.
I got to watch him.
Watch him.
Watch him.
Did you ever look into how Orson Welles did the War of the Worlds one?
Did you ever look at that?
That's the alien one, right?
The alien one.
That's what they fire.
I've heard it.
I never listened to it.
It's an awesome listen.
It's also very fun.
Like, basically, in the late 30s, Orson Welles puts out a radio play and didn't really do a lot of placements in it where he's like, hey, this is a radio play.
So people are listening to the radio thinking it's news.
And it's a war of the worlds.
Aliens are invading across America.
They're tuning in to different live people across America.
LA is getting attacked, New York, whatever.
Oh, this is when people actually believed it was the aliens.
Yeah, and we're like, Steve in Times Square, what are you seeing, Steve?
And he's like, there's a ship above me.
There's a ship and it gets a bit more short.
But do you actually, like, do you believe that people really felt that way?
Well, apparently.
So this is a fun thing about the whole media narrative.
Nobody actually believes.
Dude, my mom's aunt watched Apollo 11.
My mom's aunt watched Apollo 11.
My mom called her aunt one time.
Her aunt was from Ireland.
She was living in the States.
And my mom's like, hey, Annalene, how you doing?
And she was like, oh, I just feel so bad for those poor astronauts who are stuck in space.
My mom's like, what are you talking about?
She's like, they're on right now.
They're on the.
It was just a new movie, Apollo 11.
She thought that some dude was.
She thought the dude was really stuck in space.
She was like, freaking out as my mom.
She was praying for them.
She was saying a rosary for this guy.
This is a movie.
She thought it was the shit.
And then she sees Tom Hanks in another movie.
She's like, dude, he made it back.
That's amazing.
And it ran across America.
It might have been a hurt election.
It could have been really dimension.
So there were people that thought it was real.
Yeah, we got Dewbud AI.
Nobody thought it was real.
We can't guarantee anything.
People thought it was real.
But the way that they tell this story is like everybody was out in the streets like the aliens are coming.
This is the fun why.
Newspapers the next day put out a bunch of things where like this was a mishap and because newspapers getting eclipsed by radio.
So they wanted radio to be bad and put more regulation on it?
Regulation on radio.
So I was right.
Yeah, but there were people that did it.
Did freak out.
But this is sort of your news media.
Yeah, I got to give them some stakes for this radio podcast.
Okay, but I'm just saying, was I right or was I not right?
Yeah.
You were right.
I'm barely wrong about these things.
You worried about Ben Carson?
What about Ben Carson?
You know that motherfucker didn't do shit?
Yeah, the heart, Dr. Grimes?
No, the Siamese twins.
But he had a Siamese twin?
No, the black Republican guy.
Yeah, he cut them apart.
He's one of the greatest surgeons in the world.
That's what they say.
But in reality, he just sliced them in half and they died a week later.
What?
Yeah, so he's not good.
And I was like, of course, obviously.
But they normally die in one day and then they live seven more days.
Yeah.
Good.
Wait, they die?
Why do you cut them in half then if they die?
Why don't you just let them be...
I think they were separated at the head like that.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, and it was hard for one of them to balance.
Yeah, true.
That makes sense.
Also, you got your brother nutting all over you when you're upset.
Is it raining?
Yeah, the whole thing.
That's so difficult, man.
Yeah, having your kid, just two kids with their heads lumped together.
Yeah.
That'd be hard.
Two kids with their heads separate is very difficult.
I know.
Stuff together.
You're like, man, that's fucking, you have to like V out of bed.
Two beds.
Dude, attached at the head is crazy.
Like, I mean, like, here.
Not here.
I'm pretty sure it was like here.
But he tried his best, and he's mad at him for trying his best.
No, I'm not mad at him trying his best, but I'm just like, this is...
Yeah, he's just, we're astroturfing this.
But then he also did some hard stuff.
That was fire.
What he do was hard.
Like, he did like the first heart transplant or something.
I didn't read his book.
Akash did.
You read his book?
Yeah, I read his book.
Holy Hands or whatever?
Gifted Hands.
Gifted Hands?
Yeah, yeah.
I read it like 15 years ago.
My cousin told me it was a bad thing.
He thought it was a basketball book.
This is before he got political.
This is legit, probably 20 years ago.
He was just.
My cousin was entering med school, read the book, and was like, this is a great book.
You're going to read it.
It's quick.
Nice.
Oh, okay.
It was quick.
He was like, yeah, what did he do that was good?
He just came from like humble beginnings.
And then he doesn't tell you that.
I don't think he says the kids died seven years later, but he talked about all the prep that went into it and all that stuff.
And again, it's a fairly forgettable read, but you walk away being like, well, this guy's a nice surgeon.
He's nice at that shit.
Yeah, the first neurosurgery on a baby in the womb.
There you go.
First neurosurgery on a baby in the womb.
Wow.
How did he get in there?
Yeah.
No.
I'll pull up a guy.
Double-fisted.
See, you got to look into these doctors.
It's also a good surgery because you don't know what the before is.
You know what I mean?
So the baby comes out.
He's kind of dumb.
You're like, nah, but he was always dumb.
He was going to be dumber.
Think about that.
That was tough when he took the stage.
I don't think they were ready for how big of a nerd he was going to be politically.
When he took the political stage, he was such a nerd.
Yeah.
I think, you know, because he was a Johns Hopkins neurosurgeon, of course, but they thought it was going to be Republican Obama.
Yeah, they need a cool black guy.
And they were like, we got the old white guys were like, just you wait and see what we got.
You remember they did that with Bobby Jindal?
Do you remember that?
Buch, they brought him out, and it was just like, what the fuck are we listening to?
Wait, who was that?
Bobby Jindle.
He was like, after Obama's second election, I think, everyone re-election, they brought him out to respond to Obama's State of the Union or something.
His name is Bush Jindal, but he went by Bobby.
He converted to Christianity.
He was from Louisiana, had this wild-ass accent.
Guitar Chords and Political Nerds00:07:18
I feel like I remember it.
And it was just a brutal, like everybody, Indians hated him.
And white people were like, what the fuck is this thing?
It's just, it was a real nightmare.
There's no check him out.
They're trying stuff out.
Yeah, exactly.
You guys just throw stuff at the wall a little bit, you know?
Olive oil, you know, just drinking.
See what happens, you know?
Give it a spin, dude.
Nothing wrong with that.
Wait, before you, you know, you have a hard out.
Before you go, there's a great clip of you just ripping, just shredding on a guitar.
We saw that clip.
Mark Gagnon brought a guitar.
What?
Oh, I can play a little bit.
That'd be nice.
I mean, it was awesome.
Yeah, I've been playing since high school, but I've never, I didn't really learn how to read music or anything, but I kind of like, my brother's really good, so he kind of showed me the chords.
I have a question about guitar.
Piano, like I understand.
I understand like the organization of it.
With guitar, like, would you say like you fluently understand the instrument?
Not fluently, but I know where like the main, a lot of the main chords and notes are.
And you just, you just memorize them up and down the string.
So like piano is nice because it's laid out.
Yeah, it's flat.
It's very simple, but I feel like I can play things on the piano that I can't play, but I can kind of sound them out and I can.
Yeah, you can find your way around.
I do not feel that way.
And I took like guitar listeners, but I've never felt that with guitar.
So can you.
Yeah, I can, I mean, you know, like the basic chords.
Like this is E. Right.
This is like a chord.
So this is the A.
So you just kind of, it's like E, F, F sharp, G, G sharp, A.
So you just kind of like, use your bar chords.
You kind of like find your root note, and then you can like, so this is E, the scale is going to be around the chord, and then it kind of goes all up and down.
Does that mean the scale is going to be around the chord?
So like this is A, right?
Yeah.
You can start in like the pentatonic around this chord shape and just kind of go like.
Oh, all of what you're playing is A.
And that when you're individually picking it.
Yeah.
And that's the minor.
So if I'm an A, I can even shift back here and play like a major sound.
Like.
And then come back into the minor.
What makes something major or minor?
Just the sound.
Like this is A. Minor is like kind of sad sounding.
Sounds a little nervous, but it's so hard to play on the spot.
Oh, hell yeah.
Fire.
Tens away, my boy.
I just like mess around in my office.
So is this you riffing?
This is like, this is not a specific song you're playing.
No, it's just like a jazz.
So you can learn how to kind of go like.
Little Stevie Ray Von.
Yeah, a little sound.
Yeah, a little song.
Just like that.
You play the different chords on the floor.
Can you play some bad bunny?
No, I'm not.
Do you play for your lady?
I don't really play for her.
I'll just kind of, she'll usually be like, stop.
So I'll be sitting there ignoring her and the kids.
So like if you learn, like this is like, so if I'm in A, you can sit here and then you go to like the one, four, five is a pattern.
If you want to play the blues, you literally just go like, so you stay here and go.
Go to the next one, and you're back to the thing.
And how many different chords are you playing in that?
Just three.
And where you play the chord on the, what is this called?
Fretboard.
The fretboard?
Like where you play, does it affect the chord itself, or is the arrangement of your fingers always the same chord no matter what?
No, so like this is an A here.
Yeah.
And then you can play the other, like these are like the cowboy chords up here.
This is also an A because this is your A root note.
And you go.
So that's the same chord.
Yeah, but this gives you more like versatility, so you can go like the other is a bar chord because you're holding the whole thing.
Oh, yeah, you know what I mean?
So it's like you know, and then you can play the minors like what about using your thumb?
Is that uh controversial?
They say not to, but if you want to play like, so if I want to solo and play, I can go so you're in like a I'm doing like an abbreviated version of this, but you can kind of play.
I haven't understood a single thing you said, but it sounded awesome.
I feel like if you knew this while you were getting robbed, it would have really helped.
You're just like, let's just all take a breath.
Nice to talk, Joe.
Oh, thank you.
I'm gonna be Yamaha myself.
But yeah, you know, you just while away the hours, it's kind of nice.
Do you know when we can sing along to?
Oh, yeah.
What song would you know that you can sing along to?
I can maybe find it.
Just anything.
Just something that just kind of symbolizes the power of friendship.
Yeah.
Oh, hell yeah.
Early in the morning, rising to the street.
Light me up that cigarette and I'll strap shoes on my feet.
Got to find a reason.
Reason things went wrong.
Got to find a reason why my money's all gone.
I got a dalmatian.
I can still get high.
I can play the guitar like a motherfucking riot.
I used to know the solo.
I forget it.
Well, either way.
Make sure you check out a Netflix special October 7th.
Obviously, listen to Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast and look out for the radio play coming in the near future and books and many other creative endeavors.