Ralph Barbosa details his Hulu special Planet Bosa, financial success, and junk car collection while recounting an engagement to a Spanish woman and past co-hosting struggles. He critiques Bobby Lee's character, discusses therapy after childhood trauma, and debates Tom Hanks' alleged Jeffrey Epstein ties alongside automotive stereotypes. Ultimately, the episode blends personal anecdotes with broader cultural commentary on comedy evolution, conspiracy theories, and family dynamics. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome Back To Flavor00:13:14
And we're back, everybody.
I'm Ralph Barbosa, and I'm going to be taking over Flavor today.
Hell yeah, let's go, baby.
I'm down.
First off, we're going to be able to get away from this.
Also, what are we back from?
Commercial break.
This is the start of the episode.
Start of the episode, dude.
Well, welcome, everybody.
Hey, Ralph Barbosa is on the episode.
Let's go.
Superstar.
Who are we talking about today?
You, man.
You, whatever else you want to talk about.
I heard George Lopez loves you.
Favorite, your favorite comic.
Probably.
Me and George Lopez will be starring in the new Street Fighter movie.
So I think that's just a Street Fight.
I think that's a Street Fight Tit.
Yo, so you got a new special.
It just came out last Friday as of the time of this video.
Yeah.
Last Friday, my special camp.
Yeah, I heard it's I heard it's killing it, dude.
It's crazy numbers.
Yeah, it's special in the world.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the greatest special ever made.
What's it called?
You want to plug it?
It's called Planet Bosa.
Yeah.
And it's on Hulu.
It's on Hulu.
Not Netflix.
It's a Dragon Ball Z ripoff name.
It's like they have Planet Vegeta.
Oh, I was wondering what that was.
Yeah.
So this is like Planet Bosa.
And that was kind of a stretch.
I'm going to be honest.
It was a stretch.
It wasn't that clear.
It definitely is not that clear.
But it always makes sense.
The trailer had like, you know, like some video game animation.
You hit the Dragon Ball.
Oh, no, no, I hit.
I hit the Kamihami Ha.
Hadukin was the last special.
I didn't know you were such a little weeaboo.
Nah.
No, you're a weeaboo, bro.
Not really.
What is a weeaboo?
A weea boo?
That is a white person that's obsessed with like Japanese Asian culture.
I'm not obsessed.
I'm not obsessed.
I don't even know the name of my favorite sushi spot.
He ain't saying he's not white, though.
I can't really hurt that.
100%.
I'll take it, bro.
You got to take every opportunity to be white.
What are you doing now that you got all this money?
You got all this fame.
How's life different?
You came on here 2023, I think it was.
And you were just starting your crazy rise.
Yeah.
Which is fire.
I'm glad we see you both.
So, how's how things change?
How's life changed?
You know, what's crazy is I made so much money from then to now, but today I have the same amount of money I had when I first came on here.
But what?
You live in your pops?
Facebook marketplace, brother.
Yeah.
How many Devils?
How many Devils?
Horrible negotiators.
Yeah, what does it look like?
Like, how often are you on Facebook Marketplace Linux cars?
Be honest.
All the time.
Every day.
And I love to be the guy who blesses people because you're on Marketplace.
You know how it is.
Everybody's lowballing you.
I love to be the guy that's like, I'll give you $10,000 extra.
Why?
I won't do that.
My gosh, his Indian inside of him is getting swing.
I couldn't handle it.
Wait, so what are you spending money on?
I know whips, but like, how many cars you got?
So the first time I came out here, I had a few cars and I was really proud of like, oh, I have like this low mileage and parlor and stuff.
But I've discovered, I don't like that.
I've discovered I'm more into the marketplace junk that we can like turn into something, you know?
Yeah, what kind of junk?
Junk, like junk, bro.
Like, like, I bought a 1976 Camaro.
Not even like a Z28.
Yeah, real trash.
Real trash.
That sounds awesome.
Automatic.
Huh?
Four-speed automatic.
Like the worst version of it.
The worst version.
But I like that.
I like that.
It holds it.
It seems like white things.
What are you saying?
It's a weea boo, bro.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, this seems like what white people do.
I was out in the Hamptons for a couple weeks, very white place.
And what they will do is buy old cars for while they're in the Hamptons and whip those around.
And that's the flex.
That's the Hampton car.
How shitty is your Hamptons car?
Yeah.
What?
No, it's not shitty.
It's not shitty.
It is shitty, though.
But are they like old classics?
Are they like shitty, but worth it?
It's like an electric FJ, or it's like just like a 1988 land cruiser.
That's okay.
It looks kind of tough.
It's completely refabbed.
The interior is all redone.
They're super talking about Andrew's fucking SUV.
He was like, where's the gear ship?
His car is impossible to get.
It's impossible.
It's all esoteric.
That kind of shit.
What's what'd you say?
It's like all cars that are sort of hard to get, like that are unique and low-volume cars.
They're still pieces of shit.
But they're no, they're like technically valuable.
Yeah.
But they're like, no, I don't think they're technically valuable.
Like a 90s Defender is like 200K, and everyone out there wants one of those.
Is Michelle Pfeiffer still alive?
That's a great question.
Yes.
I'm going to say yes.
I'm going to say.
I went back to the shit.
When I see these cars, I think of like Michelle Pfeiffer.
Like in her time.
She was just a joint.
It was the thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, like, you still have to respect the beauty.
Okay.
You still got to respect that it's a Michelle Pfeiffer car.
Even though today I wouldn't.
Yeah.
Stop it, Ralph.
You're not going to come on.
Let's get Michelle Pfeiffer.
That's what you're saying.
In this time.
No, let's get Michelle today, though.
No, I think she aged as a woman is allowed to age naturally.
Jamie Poor.
She didn't do any work done.
During Michelle Phiffer.
But I'm not taking a run at it.
But I just did Rogan's podcast.
Her as Catwoman?
Made me a start like a white woman.
No, Ralph.
Ralph, how is being single at this?
Oh, I'm single, but I'm in love.
Oh, with whom?
I can't say.
Why not, dude?
Wait, hold on.
She doesn't love me back, bro.
Can you?
Wait, sorry.
I forgot your name already.
Gabriel.
Can you feel me?
Abraham.
Abraham.
Oh, my bad.
Abraham.
Bro, you're so rich, bro.
People's names are like.
He just makes it up.
He's like Abraham.
He's like, Gabriel.
I know.
I'm just old, dude.
I'm cool.
He's like Eric.
And he's too nice.
He almost accepted it.
He's like, yes, sir, Gabriel.
He's like, I'm going to go.
I didn't want to interrupt, bro.
All right, so Damien, tell us a little bit about this story.
Please do that to him because he needs a comeback story.
This dude's going to be in the NFL one day, hopefully soon.
Word, what happened?
Nothing happened.
It's in the process.
What do you mean, what happened?
Did he already look like he missed his shot?
Yeah, so the way you said it.
You said comeback story, dude.
Why are you putting that on me?
The comeback story is in like when he makes it big, he's going to come back here and be like, all right.
Aaron, so tell us a little bit.
What's going on with Ralph's love?
He's in love with some girl, unrequited love.
I can't say much, but.
Then why the fuck we give you a microphone, Dimitri?
I can't be a sellout to my guy, bro.
He's a loyal friend.
That's why he's on the team.
How many cars he buy you?
To keep this silence?
Zero, but he fixes my car.
Oh, there you go.
He's mad.
That's AC.
He thinks to me.
He's not a Mexican.
He needs it right now, bro.
He's sweating.
My AC got messed up.
I didn't know the Dallas heat was real.
And he warned me, but.
Where'd you come from?
California.
Oh, Dallas Heat is different.
Yeah, sucks.
And now when I go back, I'm like, I can't do that.
I used to say I'm going to move back.
And now I'm like, fuck that.
Now you're in the Hamptons driving Michelle Pfeiffer around.
It's crazy how fast it changes, right?
It switches up quickly.
Wait, so where's this girl?
Does she live in Texas?
I don't want to talk about it no more.
No way.
Dating life has been fun.
Abraham.
Didn't life is cool.
I'm not trying to threaten you.
All I'm saying is I do have the number to ice.
Hey, bro, they want me here and there.
You can't get me here.
I'm legal in both countries.
I heard Trump is trying to take that shit away.
The dual citizenship for everybody?
You got to choose up.
That's what I heard.
That's fine.
You're getting dual citizenship.
I know, but it's still fine for Trump to do that shit.
It's like, nah, you got to choose, bro.
If like you had to pick a country to be the next like superpower, like the place everyone goes to to get jobs, what would you want to do?
India?
Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's what I think it's going to be.
For real?
Yeah.
Nah, India's doing that good right now.
I like to keep talking about the NFL team.
Who'd they get?
Who'd they get?
India's on the come up, dude.
They got a long way to go, but they're on the come up.
They got a long, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got to build a factory.
Yeah, yeah.
China might be it before India, but I think India's gonna outlast.
But like, if it was up to you, you would choose India?
Yeah.
Who else would I choose?
You're trying to get it.
It's like where I want it to be or where I think it's gonna be.
Where you want it to be?
I don't know, bro.
It's gotta be a place with dreams.
People got to believe that it can happen, and it's also got a place with nice weather.
That's what I want.
Spain.
Yeah, South Party.
What if we just run it back?
Because Spain used to run all the shit.
Spain and Portugal.
Spain used to run shit?
Yeah, back in the day.
I thought you were.
Why do you think you speak Spanish?
Jones said you would use it.
You said he was a history guy.
You're talking about the history of Australia.
When?
Talking about the history of Australia.
You were talking about the Boston Tea Party at the podcast in LA.
Oh, yeah.
Do you know about the Boston Tea Party?
You switched up on us, bro.
Do I know about the Boston Tea Party?
I have an idea of it.
I feel like that's one of the.
It's because the Boston Tea Party, like, if you really think about it, like on social media these days, they don't make white people look good, Mark.
I'm sorry.
What do you mean?
I agree.
White people did this and white people did that back in the day, right?
I agree.
That is true.
Yeah, I agree.
Make white history look so bad.
Thank you.
But you guys had cool-ass moments, like the Boston Tea Party.
Yes.
Right?
Yes.
Because of taxes and shit, right?
Something like that.
Civil War.
Right.
I don't know about Civil War, but half of us look good.
Half of us look pretty good.
Half of them look good.
Half of you guys look good.
That half gets lost.
It's a real, hey, hey, we look at the Civil War as a real glass half-empty kind of situation.
Isn't it?
You know what I mean?
What about the other?
What about the water?
Yeah, yeah.
That was half.
That's what you guys were waiting.
Exactly.
What half?
What half are you talking?
I'm Canadian, bro.
People would come up there for refuge.
And we would take y'all in.
So Boston Teacher.
I forgot to start Canadian.
It's a Boston Tea Party cool moment to you.
I think that was cool because a bunch of Boston dudes, you know, just mad as fuck that the Czech said net and then gross.
They got a versus deal.
They're like, the fuck?
Let's go dump this gay ass tea in the water.
Yeah, Doug, coffee from now on.
And fucking, you know, well, Great Britain was just like, fuck they doing and start fighting.
Well, I was watching this one video because I'm not really a history buff, but I'm trying to, you know, gain up my knowledge here.
I was watching this video on like how like a bunch of wars started and shit.
Yeah, like which ones?
Yeah, there was like World War One.
It started with like World War II.
It was like, how did that one start?
And the video was like, well, to understand how that one started, you got to understand why World War I started.
And then in that video, that dude was like, if you got to understand how this one started, you got to understand the Seven Years' War and then the French Revolution.
That's too much.
See, now you're losing.
This is my theory.
You got to understand.
They lost me on all of them.
This is my theory on history.
To understand any war right now, you got to go back to the first one to the other one.
There's only ever been one war.
You know what I mean?
Which was?
Just life.
You know what I mean?
Like, to understand what you're doing.
You're a real poetry, aren't you?
I know.
That was true.
Okay, because Genghis Khan, I got to study fucking Genghis Khan to see how Trump got elected.
Unfortunately, yes.
Yeah, I mean, like, what is that?
It's so annoying.
To understand the Middle East right now, you got to go back to World War II when it all got carved up.
But that's not that far back.
But then to understand World War II, you got to go to World War I.
Okay.
And then to understand that, you got to understand the truth.
Let's start Africa War I. That's the one.
All right.
From there forward, from that guy getting shot, what's his name?
Franz Ferdinand?
Archduke.
Who the fuck is that dude?
You're the one that saw the video.
So apparently, I don't know.
He's going to know better than me.
He'll give you an in-depth.
We need a history expert on this pod.
But Franz Ferdinand was an Archduke of Prussia.
Prussia, which ain't even a thing anymore.
Prussia.
His assassination.
Where were they at?
Fact checks me.
Near Russia?
Yeah.
They were biting Russia heavy.
They were like, yeah, we need a name for this shit.
Austria-Hungary.
Austria-Hungary, fuck.
He got shot, and that's what kicked off.
That was like the thing that kicked off World War I.
And then World War I kicked off World War II.
It's kind of sick.
That one I know about because we were.
I saw on the video that Great Britain, they were like dying to go to World War I. Like they were like, they wanted that shit because they wanted to take out Germany's navy.
Apparently, like everybody was kicking Germany's ass pre-World War I.
So I think that makes sense because apparently after World War I, Germany was fucked and then they made him pay all these taxes or whatever.
I don't know what taxes were, but very heavy-handed.
Germany had like some rough fucking years.
And then they got really poor.
And then when Hitler came in power and they started making more money, they were like, oh, okay.
Like that allowed for Hitler to come into power and to be like enabled.
I don't know about all that.
I didn't get that far into the video, but from what I understood, Germany had only become Germany for like shit.
They had austerity.
World War Chaos Explained00:15:34
Type shit.
Yeah.
Type shit.
Type shit, bro.
I know about World War II.
My information is all type shit information.
I'm not exactly right, but it's that type shit.
The way they try to kill France Ferdinand is hilarious.
So this is the dude.
Basically, you got like a whole, everyone is pissed off in Europe.
Everyone's got different alliances.
And then this one guy dying basically created a whole issue and put every little alliance into motion.
Everyone starts fighting.
I feel like the bigger your mustache gets, like, the more people probably want to kill you.
You know what I mean?
Like, that guy was pushing it.
I feel like that's how Andrew's shoulder is going to look in a few years.
Yeah, once they start going up, like, once it starts to defy gravity.
So you don't, he hasn't talked about this, but they're going to take the extensions out of his hair and weave a couple for his mustache.
Yo, you know what I noticed about this guy?
Beautiful eyes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You didn't notice that?
I can't say that.
Are you too homophobic in Mexican to be honest about the fact that his eyes are...
I thought he was blind because they're that blue.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
He was probably fucking bitches back then.
I think that's actually what happened.
He was literally on a vacation with like his mistress, I'm pretty sure.
Yeah.
Well, he was in Sarajevo with like a side piece or some shit like that.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
And then they shot him.
What about that?
If he had just been honest and told his homies who he was in love with, maybe they could have saved his life.
You know what I mean?
Maybe he would have gotten killed.
It's like you got to die for love.
You don't know what true love is, even though you're happily married.
Okay, tell me about true love, dude.
True love, you just feel it.
True love is a combination of like head chemicals and brain chemicals.
If you don't stop rotating in this chair, we're going to have to switch.
Oh, yeah.
It's been way.
People tell me that a lot on the podcast don't rotate.
You understand here?
Because now you look less comfortable.
No, it's okay.
You put your arms here, just rest them.
I better not.
All right, let's stay still and let's talk about some real subjects.
How's married life for you?
How's that been?
I love it, dude.
I love it.
You thinking about it?
Do you feel like it's affected your comedy?
Like, are you more like a Ray Romano type now?
Yeah, I talk about marriage more, but as soon as I started getting into relationships, I talked about it more.
But there was like a whole, there's like a whole gold mine there of stuff to talk about.
There is.
I mean, and everybody's situation is a little unique, but also relatable.
The more unique and specific you get into your stories and your jokes, the more relatable they end up being.
I know I got a good relationship joke based on the type of laugh.
Because there's a laugh that's like, that's us.
That's when I'm like, oh, I got one.
Nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think there's a big market for people who are in love with somebody they could never be with.
No, there's a massive market for that.
Yeah, Drake built a career off of that.
Drake loves everybody, though.
Well, I mean, now he's a different, he's in a different space.
He's whoever he wants.
Yeah, I mean, back when he started, it was a lot of like, I like you.
I don't know if you like me.
I can see that kind of journey for you.
Do you think Drake will ever find love, like true love?
I don't know if he's looking for it.
I think once you hit a certain tax bracket, it's that much harder.
Do you think you're going to hit that tax bracket?
Because what I'm seeing from you is, I don't want to be that.
I want to be like, I don't know.
Who knows what I want?
You, motherfucker.
Also, let the record show.
Arcash is going to try to force you to get married.
Okay.
Because ever since Arcash got married, he wants everyone else to be married.
That's not because I got married.
We arranged marriages.
That's don't ever test myself.
He's like, I got it good.
You get to choose.
My dad didn't get to choose.
That's a good point.
He won.
That is true.
My mom lost.
See, that's cool about the Indian cultures: you guys get to choose, and I feel like that's a big weight off the shoulders, you know?
Yeah.
It's like, I don't want to choose, bro.
Yeah, because too many women are throwing themselves at you.
I've heard stories.
What?
From who we do the same, we do the same venues sometimes.
I hear stories.
You hear stories?
They're bad stories.
They're wrong.
Pretty cool stories.
They're pretty cool stories.
They're pretty cool stories.
They confuse me and Abraham a lot, even though he's like seven inches taller than me.
I don't want to blow up your spot.
I'm just saying I hear stories.
And if this girl whom you love or guy, whatever, if this person that you love, this non-binary person, if they don't get it together, they might lose the opportunity.
They might let Ralph Barbosa slip through their fingers.
Bare fingers.
I'm saying that.
You should listen to them, bro.
Don't listen to the stories, all right?
The stories are just rumors.
This is a coveted asset.
I'm like, like, I'm very professional.
I'm like CIA.
I go in there, I get the job done, and I'm out.
Like James Bond.
James Bond, Jason Bourne.
Are you talking about comedy or a hoes?
No, comedy.
You ever go on a boat with hoes?
I know that sounds, I know it's like the song or whatever, but you just brought up a memory.
Is this Chicago?
Yeah.
How do you know about this?
I just, you know, I heard stories.
What can I say, Ralph?
You heard these stories too?
Yeah.
Sometimes we do the same boats.
You know what I mean?
Sometimes I got the captain.
I was like, yeah, I didn't even get any pirates out here.
He's like, oh, there's one.
We took the captain to the show afterwards.
I was not like partaking in the hoes on the boat.
I was more just an observer.
And I'm also not saying, like, I have to be very clear about this because I don't want to be upset the person that people.
No, no, no.
I just don't want to.
Do you tell me about this story?
Because I didn't hear about this boat.
Yes, hoes refresh.
Oh, I just want to say, I'm not saying that all women are hoes.
No.
I'm not referring to women as hoes.
No, I'm saying these particular women were, in fact, hoes.
I was on a boat.
As in whores, prostitutes.
No.
Okay.
They're not professional or whatever.
When you said in fact, I just thought the fact was.
When you add the R, I feel like you're implying that they like get paid.
These women were not getting paid.
They do that.
That's worse.
That's actually considerably worse in my eyes.
These women were hoes.
They were the sport.
Love of the game.
That's better to me because they're doing it out of their heart.
They're hoing from the heart.
Okay, got it.
Nah, it just was just crazy to me.
We're in Chicago and I just look at hoes like open my comics and whores like headliners.
You gotta work your way up to yeah, like you're doing it.
We all love the game.
Earn the heart.
Yeah, but you have the paid spot.
You don't get paid spots yet.
I don't know, man.
Okay.
I'm like very artsy, so I just prefer a hoe over a whore.
It's crazy.
The money's not tainting.
Yeah, yeah.
It's all creative.
Okay, go ahead.
Sorry, continue.
Sorry.
Anyway, we're in Chicago doing some shows and we decide to stay an extra couple days to rent a boat because everybody, not everybody, but a woman at a nightclub was like, you got to go on the lake while you're here.
You got to go rent a boat.
Like everybody goes on boats.
And so I'm like, all right, that's cool.
So I tell these guys and like other guys that were with us, I'm like, let's do it for Monday.
It was like a Sunday.
And, you know, like most men, I'm in a group text with my boys.
So I hit these guys up.
I'm like, hey, come to Chicago like tonight so that we can go on a boat tomorrow.
If you guys get here early tonight, we'll go out to a club and you go out there, meet girls, invite them out to the boat because I don't want it to just be a bunch of dudes on the boat.
You know what I mean?
It feels like a Hell Mary play almost just very last minute.
Like, come, we meet some girls.
Let's go on a boat.
And everybody's like, fuck yeah, let's go.
Let's do it.
Most, most of the guys show up.
Even the dude with the girlfriend who should not have showed up.
But it's a boat, though.
But hold on.
So this is how he almost sinks the boat.
He shows up.
They all show up.
And the dude with the girlfriend ends up bringing his girlfriend.
Oh.
So it's like, all right, fine.
Yeah.
It's like, cool, whatever.
At least you have your date.
You know what I mean?
Fine.
The only thing I don't like about that is that this isn't a couples thing.
Yeah.
This is guys inviting random women on the boat thing.
Yeah, amateur whores.
Yeah.
So it's like, if you're going to bring a girl, you should have just stayed out.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Because here's what can happen.
I'm not anti-coupled, no, but here's what can happen.
And it did happen.
Couples argue on boats.
Oh, this sounds awesome.
It's inevitable.
Once you get to a certain longitude, latitude, the arguments just start.
You get out there, things start getting a little taywire.
So anyway, my buddy invites this one, the door chick at a club.
And Abraham takes a date out there.
It's a very nice present.
She brings like her cousin and TikTokers and stuff.
A door girl at a club is hilarious.
Like a bouncer?
You brought a bounce?
No, I don't know.
I like the idea of a door woman.
Which I don't understand what her job even was.
She was just there.
Names.
I guess I think she's just there to be like, well, you didn't get her name.
She was just like, go in.
Yeah.
She's just judging you.
She'd be like, yeah, they look good enough together.
I think she's just there in case people invite her on boats.
Yeah, or that.
Or that.
Yeah, she was nice with her.
And we go out there and there wasn't even like music playing.
And the women just started shaking their asses.
Which was like...
Like a cappella?
A cappella twerking, yeah.
You just hear clapping in the distance.
Which is why I'm like, bro, like, when women get over water, they just get like extra holy sometimes.
Not all women, just hoes get extra hoe.
Hoes set their game up on the water.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a big venue for them.
Yeah.
That's the show.
Maritime law also.
You know what I mean?
Like, you just get out into like these deep waters.
And I just think it starts messing with their cycles or something.
Yeah.
It was like the moon and the waves.
Exactly.
But even my photographer, Skiky, he's out there.
My photographer, his brother, even he was shaking his ass.
That's when I was like, all right, bring the boat back.
We gotta.
The waves were affecting them too much.
But anyway, it was fun.
Didn't music get put on?
Yeah.
No, we did put music on immediately.
Nah.
We got out there, got settled in.
The water was cold, man.
Yeah, you went on a lake.
That's kind of funny to me.
Then you got a yacht on a lake.
Nah, that Chicago lake is beautiful.
I'm sure it's beautiful.
They got a yacht on there.
I just assumed this story got placed on the ocean.
He might be being liberal.
Just a yacht.
You know what I mean?
I would say, yeah, bro.
It was big.
Big?
It was the biggest yacht you've ever seen.
How many of these women, these G-League whores, how many of them were on this boat?
Double digits, like six tops.
And what was the ratio?
Because it was about even, right?
It's like six dudes.
Okay.
Six women.
Just a you know, basketball game, six for six.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, five on five with the subs.
You know, it's crazy.
Like, Chicago is nuts, bro.
I think Chicago is top three greatest nightlife cities really in the States.
I think Chicago, if it wasn't for the weather, it'd be, and it's a massive thing, but it'd be the best city, maybe in the world.
Bro, fuck up.
Yeah.
It's incredible.
It's not better than New York, but contestants.
Well, like, New York is cool.
But I guess I haven't experienced enough nightlife in New York.
I need to experience more nightlife in New York because I like that the bars stay open until like 4 a.m.
That's cool.
Chicago, you can find some of that too.
But Chicago, I feel like is also, I don't know, I guess because it's not as big as New York, it's easy to like run into different people, which I think is pretty cool.
Like you get to know people and stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You build, but Miami's so much talent out here.
We have like professional whores, but they still act like hoes.
So New York women, unbelievable.
Probably better than Chicago women.
Like, I can't imagine Chicago.
You have some fun out here.
Not to say that.
You in particular, based on the stories I hear about you.
You know, yeah, yeah.
I don't know if you can move out here.
I know you were thinking about moving out here.
Is that still a thought?
Yeah, I stayed out here for like two months.
Yeah.
And I remember I saw you like a month in and you're like, yo, I think this might be, this might be it.
Yeah, but now I went home.
I couldn't do it.
Because I got a son, you know?
Yeah.
And I couldn't work it out the schedule the way I liked it.
Because you're just drowning and pussy over here.
I don't know what they're talking about.
Well, this is what I'm curious.
You say you like Chicago for the nightlife, but I don't see you as like a big partier.
Like, correct me if I'm wrong.
Well, it just depends where I'm at.
Would you like anything now?
We have alcohol.
We have, I don't know.
Let's get drunk.
You guys want to get drunk?
Yeah.
What do you like to drink?
Yeah, we can get you some.
I don't drink.
But these are old.
Are these real?
What do we have for him to drink?
Damn near everything.
Damn near everything.
Whiskey, tequila, rum.
What about beer?
Good old-fashioned beer.
We can get you good old-fashioned beer if we don't have it.
Madello, not for any reason.
Hot beer.
Do you like beer?
Yeah.
Are you going to have a drink with me too?
I don't drink.
You don't drink?
I don't drink.
I don't want to drink then.
No, no, they'll drink.
You guys going to drink?
No.
Also, awesome when he gets drunk on the pod.
It will get racist.
It will get insane.
He's half Puerto Rican.
Yeah.
You're half Puerto Rican?
I am.
Why don't you talk more, bro?
I'm trying to understand your accent.
It's very un-Puerto Rican open, isn't it?
Like, he's very stolen.
You know, you get on his pod, you become white.
Shoot, he's telling you, shooters, shoot.
What is the Mexican perception of Puerto Ricans?
Is there an internal perception?
We're better people.
I don't know.
I've never asked other Mexicans.
In my mind, I'm always just like, bro, Puerto Ricans are always making music that we dance to so much.
Puerto Ricans are very talented with music and shit.
Right.
But then sometimes I kind of am jealous that you guys are like technically American territory.
Yeah.
So it's just like, damn, they make good music.
And then I'm mad because Bad Bunny got that part in Happy Gilmore 2.
It made me like, not.
Yo, he was good.
He was.
He was good.
I wasn't going to do better than that.
I auditioned for that part.
Oh, did you really?
Yeah.
But I watched him.
I was like, he did it better.
Yo, yo, you wanted to be an actor first, right?
Yeah, yeah.
And now you're blowing up as a comedian.
I feel like you could just be you in movies and TV.
Is that a thing?
That's what I tell the casting directors, but they don't see what it is.
They don't see it, bro.
I did a commercial for Verizon in Spanish.
Oh shit.
And should we pull that up?
Is that online?
I'll look for it.
Miles will look for it.
My Jamie will look for it.
They made me change the way I speak Spanish because apparently the way I speak Spanish is like a country Spanish.
It's like I guess instead of being southern in Mexico, it's considered a northern accent.
Is that more rural?
Yeah.
And I was going to get away with it, though.
It was like one day of filming, super easy.
And it's like voiceover.
It's like the so at the end of filming, they just had me like record the lines into a mic and I was just like, hell yeah, like easy money.
Yeah.
You know, this is dope.
And then there was like different types of Latinos.
It was like Puerto Ricans and like Argentinians and like they were all like, okay, yeah, everything's going good.
But the lady who's like the costume designer who ended up becoming like my buddy, she was Mexican and she was like, hey, this dude talks like country Spanish.
Recording Spanish Voiceovers00:02:31
Damn.
She sold you out.
Yeah.
So she was like, you know, like, and I think somebody else too, they were just like, hey, I don't know.
It talks kind of country.
Like, so then I.
But your accent is good or no?
Like, my accent when I speak Hindi, it's clear I'm not from India.
I think you can tell I'm not from Mexico for sure.
Like, okay.
But I think also it stands out that like my family's from like North Mexico.
Okay.
So yeah, I had to go and record.
I had to fucking talk to a, what do you call it?
Like a chick who knows how to linguistic.
Linguistic type.
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah.
And she was like, oh, yeah, you talk like my dad.
No, that's not it.
I mean, I had to do that too, but that's not the commercial now.
You're not speaking Spanish in that one.
The commercial is not there.
It's just gone.
No, but you're speaking Spanish in that video, though, right?
Yeah, we are speaking Spanish in that video.
I was like, I had to do that too for the thing.
Oh, I can tell.
Yeah.
That's like deep.
That's like farmers.
Yeah, you can tell.
You can hear it.
For real.
You can hear the way it says it.
Why are you making me watch this?
Painful.
We've all done some shit, dude.
Don't even worry about it.
I do it again.
You got paid for yours.
I've done shit that I didn't get paid for that I hope would get me a paid gig.
You were doing a lot of acting?
No, I was doing whatever.
Back before we had YouTube and you could just put clips on.
You didn't know what you were doing.
So if somebody was like, hey, do you want to do this web series?
It could be a thing.
I did shit that I was like, this is trash.
And we're doing like background dancing in Bollywood, right?
I wish I was.
That would be fire.
I would, that would be fire.
I know you're doing that every day.
No.
But yeah, you just, you didn't know.
And then like, yours is like the quintessential modern blow up in stand-up where you're doing comedy.
How long were you doing comedy before your don't tell?
Six months.
Like first set.
It's like fucking six, almost seven years.
Then you do this don't tell.
As far as I know, that's when I saw you.
That shit blew up.
And then boom, boom, boom, boom.
Which I think was still for like comedy was still pretty early.
Oh, very.
Right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't think I was ready to headline.
People were coming to see my shows, and I'm just like, fuck they doing.
No, my brother saw you.
He went to go see Usama.
I remember the one Indian guy you showed.
Now, I feel like Indians will fuck with you.
I think so, too.
Especially like when I go to random ass cities like in the south of the Midwest, you get a lot of Indians coming out.
Especially like a pothead Indian.
Oh, no.
Hell yeah.
They would love you.
Kraken Crypto Special Offer00:02:30
You know Usama.
Yeah.
Bro, he's funny.
Yeah.
So Usama and my brother are actually friends, weirdly.
And then my, because before, I think I introduced someone, I don't know, Usama met me or whatever.
They went to school together.
I know this.
So my brother watched Usama and then watched you come through and he was like, he's very funny.
But now get to your racist story.
I know this is racist.
I hope it is.
Every time I meet somebody Indian, they know Usama.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was at the airport Yesterday, the day before yesterday, I flew into Austin.
Yeah, and this dude was like, Bro, I've seen you on stage before.
He's like, I actually know Usama.
And I went to watch him, and then I saw you.
I know every Indian fan I have is thanks to Usama.
Now you can have a couple more.
Hell yeah.
Thanks to Usama.
See, this is where it comes from.
Anytime you meet someone, it's like, oh, do you know this person?
And just because you guys are the same race, you assume they didn't know him.
But a lot of times a lot of times they be right.
That's the problem.
You know what I mean?
And even if you don't know that Usama, you know another one.
All right, guys, take a break for a second.
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Mark, you know, he researches things.
We don't.
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Yeah.
This guy's an ETS, which I thought was very interesting.
I didn't even know that was an option, even though I read the copy every week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's stocks, there's crypto, then there's ETFs.
There's the whole ETF, exactly.
It's an exchange-traded fund.
Ah, now I get it.
Yeah.
What does that mean?
So basically, like, this is the way it was explained to me.
I remember I've interned in like a wealth management group.
Back in the day, these ETFs were like managed by wealth managers, and you could only really get in if you had like a wealth manager.
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I don't, this is not investment.
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Yeah, that's true.
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I'm already overwhelmed by Bitcoin.
But it's already done.
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Understanding ETF Basics00:15:43
There's a lot of words.
Bitcoin.
How do we know it's a smart guy?
I'm in.
Because it's with a bank that you hope has a smart guy in there.
So if you do like a JP Morgan, smart guys.
That's what we're calling them.
Yeah, I know.
Smart guys.
They keep presenting themselves.
Readers, right?
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Nice.
Thank fucking goodness.
He said one in Portugal in Montana or something.
Let's get back to the show.
Look at that.
Oh, shit.
Look at that.
Mark, shotgun one of those or do whatever the white things are.
That shit is fire.
Have Mexicans figured out a shotgun yet?
Have Mexicans figured out a shotgun?
Yeah.
I have seen Mexicans shotgun pretty fast.
I can't shotgun fast, but really?
Yeah, but I've seen them do it at my house.
What about beer bong?
You guys ever do those?
Y'all do drinking game.
I always associate drinking games because more of a white thing, but I could see Mexicans getting in on it.
Yeah, I love like old white things, like 70s rock.
But they don't need a game to drink.
Beer, just fun.
They don't need like two, three questions.
Beer bong?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like a bong for beer.
This is what you think.
But it's not exactly that.
It's literally just like a tube that you pull.
Oh, that thing.
No, I've never done that.
Really?
Yeah.
This is, yeah, this is like peak white boy shit.
Look at neon colors.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, it has to be neon.
And now they got them where like there's all sorts of contraptions.
You fill it up, you pull the plug, it all goes down.
I feel like I got to do that before I turn 30.
Yeah.
27, 28.
I'm 28.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a good element of white culture, I think, that we did pretty good at.
Yeah, like the drinking games, I think it was a good contribution.
This beer will take down my nerves.
Chug that shit, guys.
Let's get what are you doing?
What the fuck?
This guy's so good.
I want to chug a beer at two in the morning, whatever time it is.
Oh, man.
It's 12:30.
Why is it that the sober guy's like, you guys got to chug these by the way?
Right?
I just don't want you to get married and you want to see a chunk of beer.
It's like he is a lot of projection.
That's my point.
I'm already married.
What do you mean I want him to chug?
I'm just saying.
It's like, I feel you're trying.
If there was like shrooms and weed that do it, if you got that, I'll do it.
I just forgot mine.
I didn't think we'd be doing this.
I've been trying to get this guy to a shroom pod forever.
He won't do it.
Bring this guy an ounce of shrooms.
I would do an ounce of shrooms.
No fucking weed.
No fucking clunky.
You would die.
You would pass away.
An ounce?
An ounce is not that much.
An ounce will get an ounce.
Oh, I was thinking a gram.
No, I did an eighth one time.
You sound like you've never done shrooms.
You need an ounce for breakfast.
I did an eighth one time.
That was crazy.
She is this motherfucker.
I'm going to sip.
I just want to chug.
You just sip.
You fucking homo, dude.
Just drink the fucking beer.
I'm not chugging.
I'm not going to shock on a beer.
Yeah.
We're just saying, have you figured it out yet?
I mean, all right, now you're going to do that.
But that's cool.
I missed you guys.
Hey, dude.
I know.
We missed you.
Yeah.
Dallas, Texas, born and raised, superstar.
Yeah, you from what?
I'm from Dallas.
No, but we have to lie, bro.
And you didn't miss it.
I did.
I missed those eyes, bro.
I miss this every podcast I've done.
I've got one sip of beer and shirts just rolling the pod.
I actually lied.
All right, bro.
You said enough.
Back to quiet time.
Nah, I miss this guy.
Every podcast I've been on since this one, I'm just comparing their eyes to your eyes.
Nothing, nothing matches up, right?
Nothing.
I know, dude.
I know.
I get it.
What's your wife's name?
I'm jealous that she gets to look into those eyes every morning.
Just lean.
Just a lean?
Yeah.
Dude, that's a pretty name.
Hey, thanks, dude.
What's your future wife's name?
I don't know.
It's probably going to end up being.
That's crazy.
I share information and you don't share it back.
That's fucked up.
Yo, I thought we were bonding just now.
I mean, we are, but you got to give me time, baby.
He needs three more Mandela.
End of the pod.
I need this girl's name.
We can bleep it if you want.
Can we just say her name is bleep and then just bleep that?
I like that.
I like that, dude.
I hate it.
That part.
All right, let's keep the end of this beer.
Yeah, I don't know.
I like the situation I'm in.
Yeah, I mean, because like we get along, me and this girl.
Yeah.
And I don't know if it'll ever happen, but I like that I at least got to like talk to her for a while.
You ever have one of those?
That's romantic.
Isn't that true?
That feels true.
I'm romantic.
That's true love.
So, is anything physical happened at all?
No.
No.
Nothing physical.
I don't know.
You got a little tell when you lie.
What do you mean?
You wipe your nose when you lie.
Nah, I just, I just, I'm a cokehead.
I'm not, by the way.
I don't know.
I gotta be careful.
I don't know when to joke or not, drove because then people in the comments will be like, you know, he's not playing about that.
Yeah, you were saying that on, I was listening to your club, Shayshay, and you were saying you get a little bit of like comments about like you're the Mexican people being upset that you're XYZ.
And to me, from the outs for macroscopic, it feels like it's so much love for you, which is great.
No, there's a lot of love, yeah.
I've been trying not to read them in general.
Because like good ones and bad, good comments and bad comments are, I feel like, are bad for you.
Yeah, neither one of them is the truth is, yeah, not a real good comments bet because if you start to believe them too much, I feel like you can uh fuck up your own like uh what do you call it?
Like your perception of yourself and like your work.
I think additionally, I think if you believe the good comments, you kind of have to believe the bad comments.
That's the thing.
Like, y'all don't, y'all don't tell me good or bad if I'm good.
That's what I ideally.
I try not to even look because you will, when you get a good one, you want to keep reading.
And then you see one bad one, you're like, maybe the next one will be good.
And if it's also bad, you're, you know what I mean?
You start spiraling.
But like, ideally, y'all don't decide whether I'm good or bad.
That's not up to you.
I decide that.
I keep going.
I keep doing my thing.
I keep doing what I want to do.
I don't feel like I decided for me, though.
I feel like it's just up to the audience that night that I perform in front of.
I care about their no, I know.
I used to freak the fuck out whenever they didn't laugh any joke.
I would start talking faster.
I would whatever.
And I realized this because I didn't think I was good enough or funny enough.
So if they didn't laugh, I would be like, ah, shit, they're finding out I'm a phony.
And then I would, but then that makes you you got a great comfort on stage.
I didn't have that for a long time.
Oh, I feel like I got comfortable once I started headlining.
But because I was so uncomfortable still, but like I was featuring your don't tell.
You're what's a you're filming that.
How was the taping of that?
People laid back.
They really relaxed us right before.
Okay, because you seem super calm.
I remember being like, no, I know you get those on his own.
That's why it's called don't tell.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He gets those on his own.
They really made us.
Now, just know that if you marry this girl, those don't really happen.
I got you.
Okay.
You got to get engaged, but not married.
Yeah, that's the move.
Sweet shit.
Yeah.
That's what you're doing?
Yeah.
How long have you been engaged?
About two years now.
His girl is from Spain.
Yeah, yeah.
Keep her up.
Ask you from Spain, though.
How do you meet her?
In Spain?
No, she moved here for work.
Oh, nice.
What did she do if you don't mind, man?
Yeah, she did.
I don't know how I feel about that.
You're doing the work, dude.
Yeah.
You see, you need to record a podcast.
This is the guy.
If you're doing your own podcast, there's a Rock Barbosa podcast.
That's your man's.
I was on a podcast.
I was co-hosting the Fat Fish podcast with my friend Jaime.
I love Jaime.
Yeah, Jaime's dope.
He's like my funniest.
I think he's the funniest dude ever.
But I grew up with him.
So my very biased opinion, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
But yeah, we started a podcast together, but I stopped showing up to record.
Because it's a lot.
It's a lot.
Doing a podcast is a lot.
I didn't know how much of a commitment it is.
I have commitment issues.
Yeah.
So I've done that.
Also, I'm going to tell this girl.
Jaime goes to LA every week to tape for Tiger Belly.
He's Bobby Lee's co-host.
So while he's out there, he can reach out to more potential guests and record while he's out there.
So I was like, you should just record Fat Fish out there with like other people because we're taping out of Dallas.
So it was kind of hard to catch people while they were in town, especially on tour.
So yeah, ups to you guys for like running a podcast.
Thanks, dude.
How did I get hooked up with Bobby?
I took him with me when I did Bobby's podcast because me and Jaime were always Bobby Lee fans.
But Jaime was definitely a bigger Bobby Lee fan than I was.
Bobby Lee's so funny.
He's such a terrible person, but he's really the biggest piece of shit I know.
But he's so funny.
I hate him, but he's so funny.
My first time going to the comedy store, I walked into the main room just to peek.
I forgot who I was waiting for.
I was going to do like a spot in the belly room.
I think it was for like Netflix's or Jokes, like new faces audition thing.
And I went downstairs and I just peeked in a random door and it was for the main room.
And Bobby was on stage.
And as soon as I peeked in the room, I thought he almost, I thought he pointed at me, but he pointed at somebody.
He was like, you, he's like, because of something, something.
He's like, now you get the pubes.
And he's like, just pulled his pants down.
The son, he tried to show me his dick the whole podcast.
I wouldn't, I didn't see it.
I dodged it.
And then I texted him because the guy had just fucking sobered up.
I said, hey, man, I'll check in on him every week.
Hey, man, I hope you're doing okay.
Want to let you know I love you, blah, blah, blah.
My man sent me his dick first time I checked in.
Couldn't believe it.
And that's hilarious.
I was Asian.
You just feel it.
Figure out what the rest of it means.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But anyway, so you okay?
So you, oh, yeah.
I want to ask you, you're doing it, don't tell.
They relaxed you beforehand.
Oh, yeah.
They told us they were like, hey, um, go out there, do whatever you want.
It's your 10 minutes.
If you want to do new material the whole time, do new material.
Yeah.
If you only like a few minutes of it and you hate like eight minutes of it, we'll just upload what you like.
Like, yeah, just go out there, have a good time.
Yeah.
So I wrote a bunch of jokes on the bus ride over there and I was just like, fuck it.
I'm going to just do those jokes.
Bus ride from where to where?
From I took a Greyhound from LA to San Diego.
Oh, okay.
So those are all new jokes.
You had never done those.
No, no, no.
I did like maybe 60% new jokes.
Wow.
And which of the jokes that blew up, which ones were new?
Like the first six-ish minutes.
Wow.
Yeah.
But I was kind of, I was kind of like, obviously, I'm happy that it worked out.
You know what I mean?
But I was also mad because I like touched the jokes up.
Yeah, they get better.
Yeah.
Every joke.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
So I like, I had like a good month and a half of doing like the better version of those jokes.
And like, I remember I got an applause break in Austin.
Yeah, I was just like, it was a bittersweet moment because I was like, yeah, this is it.
Like, this is the last time you're doing it.
It's already and you can't do it anymore.
But then, what are you thinking as it's blowing up?
We probably ask you this, but like, I'm always curious at the thought process of people who blow up quickly.
What does that feel like as it's all happening?
Uh, it feels cool.
Uh, money is cool.
That's awesome.
Yeah, how does it feel for you?
It didn't happen quickly for me.
That's why I'm curious.
It was a long road.
So, like, flagrant happened when I was doing comedy for like 10 years at that point or whatever.
Started.
We didn't make any money the first year.
I'm going broke.
Then we started Patreon.
I'm like, okay, I'm making a living.
Then COVID things start picking up.
Then my stand-up really just started picking up in the last like two years in terms of people seeing it, which is cool because I felt like I got to grow for that time, kind of like without people knowing.
Kirin Akash is like in the mud stories or some of the most horroring things in your life.
I mean, they're harassing.
What did you have to do?
Oh, dude.
If this podcast, if I was a guest on the podcast that you didn't have the commitment for, I would tell you all the stories.
On Fat Fish, you want to come on Fat Fish?
I would come back on Fat Fish.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Next time, I'm in LA.
You, me, Jaime, beat the shit out of Bobby Lee.
And then we go to Fat Fish.
You boys need a fight.
Just we need to do a pay-per-view.
We just need to fight.
Or fuck.
Or either one.
Neither one.
I can't betray Bobby, so I won't condone.
No, I'll condone it.
You should fight him and fuck him.
Nah, he wrestled in high school.
I'm worried.
I think I need help.
You think he can still wrestle now?
I don't know.
The guy, yeah, I know he looks young.
The guy's like 80.
Bobby Lee's as angry as everybody thinks I am.
Everybody thinks I'm really.
You have like resting bitch face.
Like, you look like you just got done complaining at a restaurant.
He loves complaining at restaurants.
You might have gotten a dude.
You nailed that.
I do.
I do.
You know what?
I love complaining after I leave the restaurant.
But I try not to cause a kerfuffle in there too often.
I've done it once or twice, maybe.
Did you say kerfuffle?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You go off at restaurants.
Yeah, yeah.
I'd be kerfuffling every once in a while.
What are you kind of food you like?
You know what?
I've realized I don't like.
We come from Texas.
Everybody's good manners.
If you're rude, I don't fucking handle it well.
I don't handle it.
Yeah, I don't really like that either.
That shit be setting me off.
Yo, one time, one time I went off on an old dude.
I feel really bad.
And I gave him a good tip, but he was being a fucking piece of shit, bro.
What was he doing?
I hadn't eaten in like 24 hours.
That's his fault.
Very much his fault.
Yeah.
Had been, we were in LA and it was like, it was like the shows where Hulu was like watching to see if they'd want to give me money or shit.
Yeah, yeah, high pressure.
A lot of pressure.
So like in between shows, a lot of industry would like go and talk to you, which I don't like.
I get nervous today.
So I ate a bunch of mushrooms and how much like an ounce?
Nah, two ounces.
We ate maybe like two, three grams.
Okay.
And I was tripping.
This is some good shit.
I'm not going to lie.
I was tripping pretty hard.
I stayed up, didn't sleep at all.
The next morning, I did Big Boys neighborhood.
And then right after Big Boys' neighborhood, because I don't live in LA.
And while I was in LA, my agent or my manager wanted to have like a meeting.
We do this meeting.
So it's like fucking 3 p.m. the next day.
It was like 24 hours since my last meal.
Yeah.
Fucking starving.
I got a headache, hungover.
And I go sit down at this restaurant and they sat me.
I didn't just sit down at a random table.
They sat me there.
I fucking sit down.
And I know what I want.
I want the alboonigas, meatballs, and like a little soup, a little stew, right?
Last syllables are rough, but go ahead.
So I sit down and the waiter comes and I tell him in Spanish, I said, I want a Diet Coke and some albundigas, please.
And he says, I don't know how big of a party you have coming here, but I need this table by five o'clock.
And so I'm like, all right, all right.
Maybe.
I'm up.
I'm already ready.
I'm ready.
I'm getting ready.
So I take a second, though, because I'm like, oh, shit, maybe I'm an asshole for sitting here.
Maybe there was like a mistake that they sat me here.
What time is it?
Is it almost five, you know?
So I checked my phone.
It's 3.44.
I will never forget the time.
Because as soon as I saw the time, I'm like, this fucking piece of shit.
Ordering Albundigas In Spanish00:15:37
Yeah.
So I never yelled at a waiter or anybody in customer service ever in my life.
And I just fucking yelled at him in Spanish.
I told him, I don't give a fuck who's coming here at five o'clock.
I'm here now.
The faster you give me the food, the faster I get the fuck out.
You know?
Never done that before.
And I thought he was going to punch me.
Right after I was done saying it, I was like, I fucked up.
This dude's about to beat my ass.
But now he just said, okay.
And I'm assuming he went and spit in my soup.
Absolutely.
Right?
He definitely.
But I was so hungry, I didn't even care anymore.
I was like, fuck it.
You think it's because you could tell you were kind of like from the farm country?
You said it in a way that was like rednecky.
Yeah, he probably did.
He thinks I'm like some Mexican fucking redneck.
I had a whole 360-degree conflict within 30 seconds at the Kansas City airport last Friday.
Kansas City.
I'm putting off the flight brave going off.
I just want to buy, well, she was Latina.
I just want to buy water.
Yeah.
Fuck her.
She ain't going to be here that much longer anyway.
God damn.
But no, I just want to buy water.
I go.
You know, sometimes like the food place has the water, a little water on the side.
So I grab a bottle of water.
This Latina piece of shit.
I'm talking to my friend loudly.
We're just having a conversation.
She got her back fully turned and she's on the TV screen.
And I'm standing there like 10 seconds.
And I go, yo, can I get a water?
And then she turns around, doesn't say a word, brings up the water, and then doesn't say thank you, doesn't say okay.
And then I go, just hi.
That's all you got to do.
Just say hi.
And then I started walking off and she goes, I'm sorry, my English isn't too good.
She tried to guilt me this bitch.
And I go, sounded pretty good there.
And then she just goes, yeah, you're right.
So we had a fool.
We became, we didn't know each other.
Then we became enemies.
And then we were kind of homies by the end of it.
I don't know.
I don't think you guys ended up homies.
Son, she said, yeah, you're right.
I was like, oh, yeah, she knows.
You got me.
Yeah, good for her.
At least you like acknowledged this.
Yeah, just say hi.
Hello.
That's it.
What's so wrong with that?
I guess so.
Why do you need the high logos?
Yeah.
Because we grew up in the South.
The same reason.
That guy didn't say anything that crazy to you.
But if he had just, if he had said, hey, man, it's just a lack of manners.
If he had been like, hey, man, just so you know, I got a big party coming at five.
You think you'd be out by then?
Be fine, right?
Yeah.
If he would have told me more polite manners, the thing is, it was Mexican on Mexican crime.
That's what this was.
Mexican on look like Mexican five.
No, you don't look Mexican.
Are you sure?
I don't think you look Mexican.
You know, when I was when I was younger, I was like lighter.
I tanned up as I got older.
And everybody thought I was Mexican in Texas in Dallas.
My middle school principal, I swear to you, saw me multiple times and would just go, hold on, Amigo.
I get that sometimes when people like sometimes Mexicans think I'm uh yeah, yeah, I can see that.
Do you mind if I fact-check this real quick?
Yeah, because I recently saw an image of you.
Um, uh-huh, there's me at 18, yo.
Do you think this is like a little no sabo here?
You look Puerto Rican, bro.
Yeah, I told you, yo.
Yeah, they don't know the difference.
White folks.
Bring it back immediately.
This is unbelievable.
Son, I get, I'm uglier.
This is me less ugly than I was my next year.
I was 18.
Have you seen my middle school pictures?
I'm just posting it.
Is it?
Can you send that to me?
You're doing like the diddy lips?
Like the son, this is a this is like we were just laughing at this mouth breathing in you.
We were just laughing at this.
Uh, my best friend and I will laugh at this all the time.
What I used to look like.
And my brother used to tell me I looked I looked gay when I smiled or something.
So I wouldn't smile and I just look retarded.
Yeah, and it just looks a little bit like shark tails.
You ever see that?
Ah, you look good, bro.
How do you have an afro though?
Like your hair changed.
Yo, black people used to love my hair, dude.
They'd always be like, let me braid that shit.
But you should go for that.
Is it not shark tails?
How about that?
How about that guy?
Oh, man.
That guy.
That's rough.
That guy's sex smiles.
I'm going to text you this.
I think you guys have seen this picture.
You had to have.
Son, my sixth grade hero picture.
I swear to God, I look like I could potentially have like, you know, some kind of developmental thing, but I look fully retarded.
No, no, like I look like I could be.
Sixth grade, fully retarded.
This is, it's worse.
It gets worse than this.
This is eighth grade, I think.
That's a picture that's a picture that's so bad.
Your parents.
Son, I look like hey, you guys from Goody's.
I never saw that.
Looking at this picture, do you get your dad's point a little?
If I was your dad, I would get you for that picture, bro.
My dad never hit me.
That's probably why I look like that.
I get it.
My brother got hit.
You needed to get hit after that.
Yo, Donald and I, hey, you guys, bro.
God damn.
I'm with the head tilt.
You level up, bro.
So, did you think you smiled gay even at this age?
I knew it looked bad, but I didn't know how to, I didn't know I could just smile.
My brother got me so in my head about it.
That is an awful thing to put in someone's head.
It's fucked, man.
Hey, your smile, like when you're being agreeable and charming, everyone hates that.
Yeah, he was.
But he said gay, and back then, that was like the worst.
She's like Nazi.
You smile like a Nazi, bro.
Yeah, that's so dad.
Think about someone telling a kid that he's not going to smile.
I mean, nowadays, maybe.
What year were you in the sixth grade?
Sixth grade is worse.
That was, I can't find that picture.
This is eighth grade.
I was 14.
You were 14?
Yeah.
What year is that?
1998.
I'm born in 84.
Oh, shit.
Oh, I thought maybe we'd run into each other somewhere along the way.
No, never.
You're too young, dude.
Yeah, I was like two.
Unless you were into weird shit.
I don't know.
So you've been Mexican, black, and Indian.
Which one is your favorite of all the races that you've been?
I like Indian, but that's because I have the most money as an Indian.
It actually really tracks us economically.
Like when I looked black, I was broke.
I had nothing.
But you were flexing a little bit.
And then when you were Mexican, you were just, you know, you were just here, happy to be here.
Happy to be here, dude.
Happy to be here.
Ready to eat in the backyard somewhere.
Go have a party.
Food tastes better in backyards.
It's been scientifically proved.
I believe that.
You know, Indians say food tastes better with your hands because we eat with our hands.
Oh, yeah.
They say scientific tastes.
They don't taste no plastic.
It doesn't contaminate the food.
That's what I'm saying.
White folks, y'all worry about plastic.
Nah, knees together, paper plate.
That's the best meal.
That shit slaps.
When you're just eating right there, trying not to drop it.
Yeah.
That's the ideal meal.
Enjoy it the most.
And now, bro, you're going to the Hamptons.
You're going to be fully white.
I've done it all.
You're really going through the whole thing.
If you go to the Hamptons, do you think people will assume you're in the medical field?
Like, if they don't know, you know what?
My favorite thing about the Hamptons, nobody talks to me.
It's been great.
I really love that.
I want to go to the Hamptons.
It's fire.
I didn't think I'd like it.
I didn't do all the shit that I didn't go.
I just liked being a white.
It's Hampton shit.
Like, they go out.
Well, you guys did more than I did, probably.
You got been there a couple of times.
They go out, they party, they do whatever.
They're on yachts.
I didn't get in no fucking boat.
You've never been on a boat?
I've been on a boat.
Yeah.
I didn't love it.
Little boat, big boat.
He don't really like hoes, so yeah.
Yeah, I'm not fancy.
I'm fine with the hoes.
Nah, I'm a one-hoe human.
Why do you do that to your wife?
Hey, I love that bitch more than anything on earth.
She knows.
She knows what it is.
I respect that.
Yeah, I'm like, very, I'm very in love.
So I get away with a little like saying bitch and whatever the fuck.
That's cool.
That means your wife has a lot of trust in you, too, if you get to say this stuff.
Because I'm so gay, I don't think that you.
So she's like, she didn't even worry about me.
You've also been gay.
You've done all the races.
Yeah.
I've done it all.
Al's gay now.
Yeah.
A boat really is everything you hate.
I'm thinking about it.
Like, you like to be in your home.
I love it.
And a boat is the exact opposite.
You're not even on the earth.
Yeah.
And on top of that, you're stuck.
Yeah.
And people are drinking and listening to loud music.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you don't like loud music, bro.
I like it in small doses.
I'm an old man, dude.
You just put the full blast for like 30 seconds.
Exactly.
No, I went on a boat actually in Miami.
Small boat.
It was fun.
It was just like me and a few homies.
That's it.
And then wifey.
And that's it.
And we did shrooms.
Oh, and I, a gram.
A gram.
I thought I did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was great.
That was fire.
Yeah, I guess I've always heard mushrooms with water is a good pairing.
For real?
Like, mushrooms and like being at the beach, looking at the ocean.
Yeah, and I've done that too in Hawaii.
That shit was sick.
Yeah, people said that.
I got to try that.
I haven't done mushrooms in a while because the last few trips where I did them, I started hearing voices.
But I don't know if it was maybe I was just like exhausted, like I needed sleep already.
Take a break from that shit.
I think so.
I think take a break from that.
For what kind of voices?
It depends.
A couple times whispering.
Asian accent?
A couple times yelling.
Yeah.
Bobby Lee.
I would keep doing mushrooms, bro.
If I just had a full feed of just Asian accent, I'd be like, what time am I ate like a shit though?
Like, man, like, it had to be like eight grams, maybe.
And I kept blacking out.
And then I would hear voices so clear that I was like yelling at them.
But it was just like me, like other versions of me.
I feel like I was arguing with like three versions of myself.
What were they saying?
Whoa.
One of them was saying like, call 911.
And the other one was like, shut the fuck up.
Like, don't, like, don't be a little bitch.
And then I was just like, fuck.
Like, oh, I'm just on drugs.
Like, I just, time.
Time will save me.
Like, time.
This feels like a very calm argument.
If it's three versions of you, it's just you like, yo, bro.
But it was just like fast.
It was like, call 911.
It's like, no, no, no.
And I was like, it's time.
And they're like, come on, call 911.
It's like, and then I would dial like 9-1.
And then I would hang up the phone and be like, nah, don't do it.
Holy shit.
You ever done so many mushrooms that like your body goes paralyzed?
Nope.
No.
I've had that like maybe three times where like I'm talking and then as I'm talking, I hear my voice turn into like slow motion.
So it'll be like, oh, like it's like a record.
Like, yeah, and I'm like, what the fuck?
And I was holding my phone and all of a sudden it just dropped it and I just like fell to the ground.
And then a couple times when I happened, but after the first time that happened, that didn't stop you from, hey, let me not do that much again.
Nah, I was just laughing.
But one time that it happened, like I did that and then I blacked out.
And then I woke up and then I ran around the hotel for a while and then I blacked out again.
It was bad.
It was just a lot of bad shit.
Damn.
That wasn't even my last time doing them.
The next week, I was like, I could get it right this time.
The next week is crazy.
See, that's the problem when you're into drugs, but also competitive.
You know what I mean?
That's a bad combo.
Because you don't want to like, it's like an ego thing.
Like, I don't want to just take the loss.
I want to be like, nah, I'm good on it.
That's how you know you need more mushrooms to get the ego death because you're just getting enough mushrooms in your ego situation.
That's true.
You need to do 12 more.
People say ego death, but I feel like mushrooms did the opposite of what everybody says it does, which I love, by the way.
Maybe it was like a cure for me.
But like, I feel like mushrooms got me out of my feelings.
It got me stimulated.
I was having a good time.
You are a cokehead.
I think that's what happened.
I feel like after mushrooms, it's always been easier to like submerge all my feelings.
To like just shove them in a box.
Shove them in a fucking box.
Mushrooms helped me lock that shit up.
You're then you're the type of dude to come back from therapy and be like, bro, I am so much angrier.
I am.
I am.
I signed up for a therapy session one time and I got in the car and I was like, fuck am I doing?
And I just, I just didn't even like call it a cancer or nothing.
I just went back inside.
But bro, this isn't a podcast.
You can't just not show up.
You know what I mean?
This is a fat fish.
That's crazy.
The therapist lady that I uh I ended up messaging her later.
She'd be like, hey, I'm sorry I didn't show up.
And, you know, charge me what you got to charge me.
And this is like a year ago.
And she messaged me like three days ago.
She's like, Vera need help.
I'm still here.
She's seen some podcasts.
She heard about this boat.
She was like, yeah, let's talk.
Here's the thing that everybody says about therapy, though, is that it's not like this cure thing.
It's more like kind of like medicine where like you kind of, you go and you let it out and then they talk to you and help you feel better.
But it's not like this instant, like, oh, you're good.
That's like a dentist session.
Like a dentist thing, right?
You go get kind of tuned up, cleaned up.
My cousin's psychiatrist, he said, you get out of it what you put into it.
Like you gotta, you can't just go and bitch about everybody and then leave and not think about it.
You gotta like think things through when you're outside of therapy and like just really keep it on your mind and then you'll start to work through all this shit.
Andrew and a good therapist.
My therapist, I went one time, this motherfucker was annoying.
I sat down.
He was like, by the way, I'm gonna need this couch back by five o'clock.
I was like, this motherfucker, what the fuck?
I just, I sat down one minute ago.
I just feel like alcohol is good enough.
Like, let's go.
And it's like therapy too.
You know, you feel better for a little bit and then next week, you come back, talk again, and you work it out.
That's all.
That's reality.
I love Southerners, bro.
This shit is fine.
This immigrant shit.
I went to therapy.
My mom was like, don't tell anybody.
She was like, you don't need it.
You're not crazy.
She would just embarrass you around a fake doctor.
That's what it was.
She's just like, I don't want you talking to me.
I think it also has to do with like just childhood trauma, like crazy shit, what happened as a kid.
And then like my mom or like my grandma or whoever happened in front of my dad or whatever, they'd just be like, hey, don't tell anybody.
Like, yeah.
Uh, that such and such hit you or nothing.
Like, just get over it.
Yeah, yeah.
And I'll be like, all right.
Yeah.
My mom wouldn't say get over it, but she would say they could use it against you.
And I was like, what?
And then the fucking soap opera here.
Like that, it's not succession.
Everything is just like a big 13 years old, big drama.
You know what I mean?
Oh, big drama, big drama.
But yeah, but you saw a lot of crazy shit when you were growing up, right?
Your family in the cartel.
We talked about that last time.
Yeah, I mean, I saw some crazy shit.
It's just the shit that they would really not want me to talk about was just like if my cousin kicked my ass and be like, don't go telling everybody, all right?
Because then they're going to think we're dysfunctional.
And I was like, we are.
I'm getting my ass kicked over here.
Like, can you caught an L. You don't want that on your record.
You know what I mean?
That you're 0-3 against your cousin.
Nah, I'll tell them.
I'll tell everybody.
I was a big old, I'll tell everybody.
Yeah, but you said on Shay Shay that you were fighting people much bigger than you.
And you can, now that you box, you like legit box, right?
No, I did that for a little bit, but no, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't really like stick to it too often.
But you said when you fought people your size, you fuck them up.
Yeah, I got a lot of ass whoopings from bigger people, but it made me better.
So, yeah, I fought a dude.
He said they had a thing the in-between, where'd you go, Mesquite High School or East Mesa?
No, no, no.
So this was in middle school.
This was advanced in middle school.
Three minutes between classes.
Him and his boys would have fight club for two minutes of the three.
So two minutes, would they just run?
You just punting the fuck out of each other?
Yeah, we just run into the restroom and then just be like, uh, who?
He's like, you and you.
All right, fuck it.
Let's go.
And then just fight.
One time, somebody.
And then you have one minute to get back to class.
We try to do like, hey, don't hit in the face, you know, but then you like slip up.
One time, somebody brought a UFC gloves and uh, but they just had one pair.
So like one person had like a handy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's kind of nice.
But somebody had to be lefty, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
That shit was fun.
I don't know.
Fighting is fun.
I think like as an adult, you know, you got to be more careful because now you've got like grown mass strain.
One Punch Fight Stories00:02:39
But I think as an adult, every adult needs to get punched at least like twice a year.
Yeah, that's a little too much.
Okay, maybe once a year.
But in a place, you know, you literally die.
Well, yeah, maybe not like a fucking, you don't need like Mike Tyson to punch you, but somebody with like equalish strength needs to just remind you what that feels like.
Do you punch back in this scenario?
Yeah, I think like we don't got to do a whole purge.
I think the world would be a better place if at least once a year you go in for like a checkup and it's you and one other guy and you just I get one punch on you and you get one punch on me.
It's like taxes.
Like every year you have to do it.
Yeah.
And you show up.
Chin.
Got to be chin.
You got to remember what it's like to just fucking take one to the face.
And it probably also feels good to just punch somebody.
That way, when somebody walks into the store you work at, you're not ignoring them when they're asking you for water.
You're like, this guy might punch me.
I better fucking treat him with you.
Exactly.
Pretend you don't speak English, trying to white guilt them.
I ain't got no white guilt like you.
That ain't me.
I couldn't believe she tried that shit.
Oh, I'm sorry.
My English is not so good.
I almost spun again, but I was afraid you didn't let me.
No, you know, I noticed it.
You've been doing it.
You haven't stopped.
I watched you in the story.
You haven't stopped.
I think I stopped.
You think he's on the boat again?
I cut back a sea lash.
I cut back, bro.
No, no.
It's been going.
Have a dream.
You'll relax.
I'm so glad I've never been in a fight.
I've never like, I've been involved in fights, but I've never been in a fight.
No one's ever been like, now we're fighting.
I used to think that it was like a flex to be like, yeah, I've been in fights.
That's a bigger flex, though.
So I've never been in a fight.
This guy just always keeps it cool.
Well, I feel kind of like a pussy, but I've always like diffused.
People have wanted to fight me.
And then I'd be like, yeah, what is the point of all this?
People take advantage of him, though.
He's very, no, he takes advantage of people.
What are you talking about?
No, this guy's a sociopath.
Remember the time he was waiting for the fucking moment for six hours or some shit like that?
And the guy made him pay or some shit like that.
Oh, yeah.
Like, yeah.
Like, he gets fucked up like that.
But like with his friends, he like he uses the fuck out of Miles and Miles just doesn't say anything about it.
Oh, yeah.
He manipulates Miles.
He has no experience.
We've both never been in fights.
So it's sort of first.
Yeah, we could be.
We got to put on this Mark versus Miles fight.
That could be.
I would actually love that for Patreon.
That could be beautiful.
We got 12.
Gloves and headgear in a boxing ring.
We would absolutely WWE it and the whole thing would be scripted.
We would just do the fucking moves.
It'd be like luchadors.
No, you gotta fight.
Yeah, just fight for real.
Do the gear.
Just do the gear.
Headgear.
But like, don't do gloves.
Let's just talk about it.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's just like, you don't think we could just settle this?
Like, I feel like this is just a big miscommunication.
You know what I mean?
Anytime someone's trying to fight me, it's just like, hey, let's just, you know, you're going to murder somebody one day.
The Flagrant Wallet Collab00:03:22
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Acorns Investment Bonus Deal00:08:04
I was on Joe Rogan's podcast yesterday.
We get it, bro.
Second time you said it.
Every time he brought up somebody that I didn't know, I could see it.
His face is just like, what the fuck?
Wait, like, who though?
I don't know.
He brought up like, uh, well, I was reading this book that he had in like the lobby of like his studio.
And I know I'm gonna get for this, but I didn't know who Hunter S. Thompson was.
And I was reading a Hunter S. Thompson book, and I loved it.
Yeah.
And I was just like, that's honestly kind of your life right now.
Yeah.
Just traveling and doing crazy drugs.
Crazy drugs.
Yeah.
Fear and loathing.
Fear and loathing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was like, hey, man, is Hunter S. Thompson a dude or a chick?
And he's just like, he was just like, huh?
That's not a bad question.
The question is not a bad question.
Here's the thing.
Not knowing isn't bad.
Joe is from Boston.
Boston, we see as like the whitest place.
I have a feeling Ralph grew up super Mexican, super Latino, Hispanic, whatever.
They're just not, they're not going to know about Hunter S. Thompson.
Yeah.
He's probably not going to know about some Mexican shit.
But it's just funny watching.
I guarantee you there'd be people Joe didn't know that Ralph would be like, are you kidding me?
Yeah.
Like, you don't know Jenyo de Revere?
You don't know Chente?
Yeah.
But to be fair, I mean, I don't have any books of Chente.
But yeah, and then there was other people that would be like, what's going on there?
And he's like, huh, you don't know.
But it was cool.
I just feel kind of bad that like so many people go on these podcasts and they share all this knowledge they have.
And I kind of just go on these podcasts and like gather the knowledge.
If you listen to like these podcasts that I'm on, a lot of the time I'm just gathering information.
What do you learn so far?
What'd you learn from Shannon?
From Shannon?
Stay away from white women.
Yeah.
Be careful.
Let your team gather all the information.
You know, I think that work.
I feel like all his team gathered information for his episode.
Yeah.
How much do you think he actually knew about you?
Oh, that I'm Mexican.
That's a start.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Do you think he knew who you were?
Because I feel like he interviews people and he doesn't.
No, yeah.
I think he's saying.
I don't think he knew, but I think he's like a good interviewer.
He made me feel like comfortable and stuff.
He's so friendly.
Yeah.
That's what it seems like.
Very affable guy.
Yeah, yeah.
He was very friendly.
He was very friendly before we started the interview.
So I was like, all right, feel comfortable with him.
Yeah.
But I get nervous too because people who are really good at interviewing, that's like a specialty of theirs.
They get you comfortable.
And then, like, boom, next thing you know, you're saying the name of the woman you love.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
I got to stay on my toes.
That's that's so.
If you want to validate me as a good interviewer, you'll let that name out.
You're a pretty good interviewer, but nah.
Not really.
You know, Shannon.
Yeah.
Yo, you, if you had said her name on Club Shay Shay or their name, I'm sorry.
You had said that human being's name on Club Shayshay, that would have been nobody's like asked me about my love life like that.
I mean, I think on Club Shay Shay, he asked me like a little bit about Dave or something.
That's a sensitive subject for him right now.
For me, I'm fascinated by it.
I love knowing, especially with comics.
He asked about that.
He said, you know, it's hard to find love because, you know, you're traveling so much.
I always find it interesting when comics date other comics.
I feel like they're comics with like they're either like really good mental health or really poor mental health.
Yeah.
Go in between.
Yeah.
And I'm going to be honest, the first group that you mentioned, not many of those.
Very few.
Very, very few.
Yeah.
I'm not one of them.
So I want to marry somebody.
I don't know if I'm going to get married, but I want to be with somebody who's like very different from me.
Yeah.
I feel like it's way more interesting like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, like, I don't, I want her to not like comedy at all.
Hey, that will happen.
Don't worry.
I remember when I first started dating my wife, I was asking, like, you want to come to shows?
And I was like, you're going to get too kept wanting to come.
I was like, you're gonna get tired of this.
And she was like, no, that could never happen.
And then, like, eight years later, I asked her, I said, hey, do you want to come to this show?
And she goes, literally, I would rather do anything else.
That's cool when somebody can be honest with you about that show.
Oh, yeah.
I thought my girl was from the jump.
I used to drag her to open mics.
I don't know.
You like women?
No, I'm trying to fight.
All right.
Doesn't mean I won't fight a woman.
I'm sorry.
That's a dumb thing.
She was sitting on that for an hour.
He's about to sit on something else.
This guy's gay, right?
But I would drag her to open mics and she'd be like, I don't like this.
And I was like, yeah, well, we get to hang out.
You know what I mean?
You can like hang, and I'll do the spot.
Then it's cool.
And she goes, I don't want, I would rather not see you.
Oh, shit.
She's like, I'd rather stay at the house and then you just see me whenever you're there.
She's right.
She was right about that.
And even to this day, I will just talk to her about anything.
And it's so hard to even get into the combo because she's like, you know, what's going on?
I'm like, well, there's this crazy thing happening with this current event and we're trying to figure it out.
And she's like, and who is that guy?
Straight up.
She was just like, who is Net Tanyahu?
And I was like, what's funny you ask?
And then, like, she doesn't know anything.
And so I just like break down shit.
And she's like, that's great.
She's like, that's crazy.
That's great.
My shoti's exactly like that.
It's remarkable.
Yeah, she has no idea what the fuck is going on.
That's awesome.
And she's so happy.
Yeah.
Like every guest, she's like, What did they do?
I'm disappointed in myself that I relate more to y'all's girlfriends.
I also don't know what's going on half the time.
Good, dude.
Yeah, you'd make a good girlfriend.
I think I would make a good girlfriend.
If I go to prison, I'll be all right.
Damn.
That scares me, bro.
I went to a prison recently.
For what?
Just to go check it out.
What do you mean?
What do you do for fun, bro?
Honestly, this kind of shit.
Prison tours?
Yeah.
Just like emailing.
Can he tell you the real thing?
He went with Jelly Roll.
You know, Jelly Roll.
Oh, yeah.
I know Jelly Roll.
Yeah.
So I was with Jelly Roll in Portland.
He was like, yo, I'm going to do a concert for the inmates.
Jelly Roll's like a real he's and he's because he was in prison for some time.
He's a great guy, dude.
He'll go perform at prisons because he was incarcerated.
I didn't know he'd perform at prisons.
I've met him once.
He don't talk about Burke Chrysler.
He will never talk about that publicly.
He'll just do it.
Yeah, that's the kind of guy.
He doesn't get paid for it.
He just goes.
And like, you would think, like, oh, well, this is like a thing the prisons do.
When he went to the prison, no one had ever performed any type of live act there since like 1994.
Wow.
TV Ray Vaughan went to this prison and he was the next person that went.
I love TV Ray Vaughn.
He was the last one to do it like 25 years ago.
And so Jelly Roll went and then he went back like two years later and that's when I was there and he was like, yo, you want to go?
What kind of prison is this though?
There's a max.
So like people in there for life.
Oh shit.
Crazy.
Yeah.
Like murders and shit.
Say yeah.
Like a lot of murders and shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And great group of guys.
You were going to do comedy, right?
Bro, like Jelly Roll wanted me to.
He was like, yo, will you open the show?
Do five minutes.
Did you?
I was stressing.
And he was like, yeah, just come.
And I was like, I'd rather just go check it out.
He's like, no, no, go.
20,000% what I would do.
I was like, I don't know.
Bro, you got to do it just to fucking just for the reps.
Bro, just to try it out.
Just the workshops and stuff.
When's the last time these guys had somebody like bomb in front of them?
No, but what's the last time somebody could just be vulnerable in a prison?
That's true.
They need that shit.
But I don't know what I think.
I don't know.
I don't know what I could say.
I'm going through my jokes.
I'm like, I was going to do crowd work.
I'm like, what do you do?
All right.
What did you used to do?
What do you want?
What did you do to get in here?
We'll get some fun with that.
You would have got punched in the face for the first time.
Yeah, probably.
Yeah.
I was stressing.
I was like, okay, opening joke.
I might just be like, hey, guys, I want you to know I'm not going to pander to any of you motherfuckers.
Jeff Ross, didn't he go and like fucking roast prisoners one time?
Yeah, I think so.
They fucking loved it.
Yeah.
He's alive, you know.
But I was so stressed.
But then the second we got there, apparently, like the prison's run by a union and the union boss of the prison or something.
I don't know how the hierarchy is, but they were like, yeah, we can't do anything like off script.
Silverado And Catfish Tales00:15:06
So like, just stick to the music.
So they were like, music on guys, you see the lights.
You already know what time it is.
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All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
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Let's get back to the show.
I feel like I'm similar to you, except for I have less money.
I'm on Facebook Marketplace all the time.
What do you like?
I like fucking clappers and shitholes and whatever I want, but I...
Son, the second you talked to him, he checked his cell phone.
You know how rude that is?
I'm sorry.
I just keep blowing.
Bro, my phone is blowing up.
Whoa, I got a couple images here.
I want to know what you would pick and why in this situation.
Catfish Camaro.
Catfish Camaro kicks ass.
I think it's a catfish Camaro.
Because the front looks like a catfish.
Yeah.
Okay.
The front of it.
But why the Camaro?
Is it something you just like Chevy?
I like Chevy a little more than Ford most of the time.
Why do all Mexicans like Chevy?
That's a question I need to know.
I don't know.
He was, you know, he pulled this up with that exact question in mind.
Well, why do Mexicans like Chevy?
He had you because it was a citizenship test.
They're actually both Mustangs, but I see the Camaro.
But why is that?
I don't know.
Every Mexican I knew wanted a Silverado.
I know a lot of Mexicans who like Ford's.
Really?
Yeah.
I feel like Silverado's a lot of people.
I think the best truck you could buy right now is an F-150 from like 90s F-150s are like fucking beautiful.
Don't get me wrong.
But like the best performing truck you could get is from 20, he's like 2018 to now.
Yeah, single cab F-150 with the 5-0.
I mean, single cabs are dead.
5-0 is about to be dead, so it makes a lot of sense.
Those trucks are like the fastest trucks out there right now.
Yeah, they're fired.
They call them Mexican GTRs.
That's very funny.
I don't know about like every state, but like in a lot of you see it a lot in Texas.
They tune those and they're just a twin turbo, single cab F-150 with a 5-0 is like they rip.
They're all-wheel drive.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
So like against other trucks, like they're undefeated.
I think can you explain slab riding?
Like, why do people like slabs?
Oh, I don't know.
I guess it's more like a Houston thing than like Texas thing.
I guess they're just loud music.
It looks nice.
But they do it to cars that look good, but are usually slow.
So I don't, I think they just stuck to like, well, let's just keep it slow then, you know?
There's a style too.
Do you folk at Houston more or Dallas more?
I mean, I'm from Dallas, man.
That's my whole sound.
But Houston is fun.
Houston sells my shows out quicker than Dallas.
I have the same.
You two?
Same.
That's crazy.
That's why both my specials, the first one was like 20 minutes, but I filmed both in Houston.
Oh, I have things in Houston.
I almost filmed my last one in Houston.
Done.
I don't understand it.
I feel like in general, I don't know about the Latino culture, but I'd vibe better with Houston people.
They seem a little more down-to-earth.
But I'm talking like Indian white people, black people, like, yeah.
I just vibe better with them, it seems like.
Maybe.
I feel like my next special, I'll probably do like Houston or Chicago.
Those two cities, I don't know, man.
They show a lot of love.
That's crazy.
Which is crazy too, because Dallas and Houston have like a rivalry for some reason.
But Houston shows love, dude.
And Paul Wall told me he got love in Dallas before he got love in Houston.
It's a weird thing.
Yeah, it is weird.
Yeah.
But he was like, yeah, because I remember telling him he came to a show and I was like, yo, I feel like I'm getting more love here.
Oh, hold on.
This is more important.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Single camp slam Chevy Silverado.
Silverado.
That Silverado looks tough as far as like that generation.
Chevy's are better.
Tough.
Yeah.
I like those better.
Take that out.
What do you drive?
Let's take that out of the car.
You don't have a car?
That's such a New York thing.
No.
Dude, that's why I don't never move here, bro.
He's not going to drive the train.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I mean, I like the train.
Like, it's freeing sometimes too, but yeah, I got to drive something.
All right, you got to go charge on it.
Charger, not even Charlotte.
Charger and Paula?
Nah, I'm still going.
Why?
Yeah, I'm still going Paulo.
Charger, dog.
That shit looks good.
Charger looks fucking heavy.
Yeah, they're both boats.
They're not moving fast.
But for sure, it's way sicker.
I don't know why the Impala sicker.
You got more of these?
Were you making this the entire thing?
Yeah, I was making this while you guys were talking.
So I only got a couple.
Yeah.
Oh, that's awesome.
Let's do this.
I'll get the.
I had that car.
Infinity or the 350?
Infinity.
You know, black people love Infinity.
Isn't that fast?
Black people love Nissans and Infinities.
I don't know why.
Mexicans love Chevys.
There are rules here, and I don't know why.
I don't know about that.
I know Indians love Toyotas and Hondas.
Toyota more so.
Yeah, because they're cars.
You guys know what to invest into.
Yeah, resale value is the best.
The Infinity G35, I think, is like a better car, I think, right?
The 350Z is going to be way funner to do it.
Way more fun.
It's always ready to drift.
Yeah, they're sick.
What would you pick?
The 350Z.
I'm so white.
I look at both of these.
I fear they're just like grandma cars.
I bought a 350Z from a dude who looks like he could be Mark's cousin.
The dude looked like he was on Med.
Oh, what the fuck?
Yeah.
My cousin?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're a bad drug addict.
Marauder.
Oh, I'll get the.
I love the GTO, but I'll get the Marauders.
The Marauders are so sick.
Yeah.
They're harder to find, I think, than the GTOs.
Yeah, they're awesome.
Yo, you vibe with Carlos Miller on this?
Carlos be doing this shit.
He'd be fixing up cars.
Yeah, I've never met him in person, but he'll send me like car videos sometimes.
Yeah, he's great, dude.
That's the man.
Do you like German cars?
I do.
How is this even comparable?
I don't even understand.
I'm just saying, you got the money.
You got to look.
One of them is way more like scary to buy, which is $160,000 or $160,000 mile SLK.
Bens, yeah.
I still go SLK though, but I wouldn't go convertible.
Is that GTI stick shift?
I miss it.
I miss driving manual.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How is the GTI even in the conversation?
Like, why is that cost?
People like souping that up.
That's a hatchback.
Yeah, GTIs are cool.
They have history.
People soup those up.
My first car was a civic hatchback that Pete SI, and people who like souping up cars would be like, yeah, I'll buy that car from you on the fucking spot.
Oh, yeah, especially in Texas.
Yeah.
How many minivan cars do you have?
Do you have a collection or not?
Nah, no, no, no, no.
I'm here, so I'm in New York.
I got one car.
You got one car?
Yeah, I want a minivan real bad, though.
I feel like I would save money in New York.
You want a minivan?
I want a minivan.
You have kids already?
Nah.
No, how many kids do you want to have?
Two to three, ideally.
Fucking get on there, brother.
I know.
I know, I am trying.
Speaking of vans, speaking of vans, this is a clapper edition.
Which clapper are you going?
This is like between two evils.
Yeah, this is clapped out.
Astro van.
Absolutely.
Beener and beaner.
Yeah, I'd go van because you could live in it.
That's what I said, man.
That's what I want to do.
I want to take a van and take it on the road.
That would be spotified.
If I didn't have a kid, I would live in a van.
Really?
Yeah.
How are your oldest son now?
Six?
He's six.
Damn.
Math, dog.
Math.
You were here three years ago.
He was three.
Damn.
I was here a minute ago.
Yeah.
How's he doing now?
Oh, man.
He's he hates my job.
He likes it, and then he don't like me to leave, though, but he says he wants to be a comedian.
Yeah.
Every time he says he wants to be a comedian, like it warms my heart.
But then I think about all the drugs I've done and I'm like, nah.
Yeah.
Do something else.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I'm like, be a police officer.
You know, it helped him not be a comedian.
You getting a therapy.
You going to therapy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You keep leaving this kid.
He's going to be like, I have issues.
I got to work out.
I'm going to be a comedian.
Nah, man.
He's with me like half the week.
So I think that's pretty good.
And then the other half, I'm out here.
That sounds insane to somebody who like just lives with their kids over here.
Nah, he's going to be fine.
You never bring him on the road with you?
He's 50% of the most weeks.
I've taken him to like two-road gigs.
Yeah.
How was that?
He likes traveling.
I took him to Denver and I took him to Houston.
The Houston one was tough because my dad was out there with me and my stepmom.
And he was with me like two days.
And then on the third day, he had to drive back to Dallas with my dad and my stepmom.
And he was like sad to go and stuff.
But the other one, we flew to Denver and then flew back with me.
And now he's just like, let's go back to Denver.
I want to see the snow.
I'm like, bro, it's summer.
Like, it's not snowing right now.
They don't get it yet.
That's so sweet, kids.
Kids don't understand.
Nah, no, they're the best.
It's just the kid.
Was it crazy showing him the venue?
Like, did he walk on the stage at all?
Nah, he didn't really give a fuck about it.
He's like, I don't want to see that.
That's a good sign.
Right?
That's a great sign.
I love that.
He's just more there for like the other experience.
He just wants to be with you, dude.
He could not care less that you're famous.
Yeah, for real.
Nah, we were at a mall and I wore shades and a hat because I just, I don't like it.
I don't get recognized like a crazy amount, but that day I was like, I don't want to go.
Mall in Dallas?
Yeah.
North Park.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just didn't want to get recognized or somebody.
Sometimes people take pictures of me.
Yeah.
Like I'll get a picture of me taking without me knowing.
And I get like tagged in it.
And I don't want that to happen when I'm with my kids.
Yeah.
I'm out there.
My bitch ass was walking on the street with my kid eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the street.
How old's your kid?
Nine months or 10 months.
Oh, he's tiny.
Yeah, he's a little baby.
But I was walking in some dupe.
I was like, yo, love the podcast.
I was like, oh, burger ball, bro.
Just like eating peanut butter on the street, like looking crazy.
Yeah.
My hair is even fucking frizzier than this.
I was like, I should probably not be outside.
Like, because I don't even think about people saying what's up to me.
I'll go sloppy everywhere.
It's embarrassing.
Nah, it's all right.
I don't like it.
I feel, I always want to apologize.
I'm like, hey, I'm sorry that I am this way.
My son be wanting to expose me though.
Like, I was wearing the hats and the shades, and my son wanted to grab the shades.
I was like, nah, don't take them off.
And this, it caught me off guard that he, like, said this.
He was like, he's like, why don't you want to take them off, pa?
He's like, you don't want people to know you're Ralph Barbosa?
Oh, and then he goes crazy.
He goes, I'm going to yell.
I'm going to be like, everybody, it's Ralph Barbosa.
I'm like, motherfucker.
Yo, you really made a little.
That's crazy.
Because that's exactly what you would say to you.
One time, I think he was with his mom one time.
She was telling me that she took him somewhere recently.
And I guess they went to a store where I've taken pictures of the people there before or something.
And that she told my kid, like, oh, yeah, these people are fans of your dad.
And apparently he went up to the register.
He was like, I'm my dad's son.
And they're just like, all right.
Like, they don't know who the fuck you're talking about.
Trying to get candy and shit.
But yeah, give me this.
I'm like, all right, bro.
Get the fuck out of here.
Well, I like being a dad, man.
I don't know if I could have more kids.
One time they told me my semen was like not up to par.
And like.
It's something about that chair.
Sorry.
But I kind of want to go to the doctor and like get my nut fixed.
Well, Andrew had the same issue.
Slow swimmers, I think.
It was like his issue.
Well, you can IVF.
You can get that taken care of.
Yeah.
They told me it's like slow swimmers, very few swimmers, and a lot of them were not shaped right.
Yeah, it's weed.
I haven't seen the weed in months.
Do you want to run that back?
I'm pretty sure they're months.
Now that I heard that, I heard too much marijuana can affect your sperm.
Yeah, I could see that for sure.
I also heard it's like boxers.
Do you ever get these ads that are like, they make you feel stupid for like stuff that you just were doing innocently?
Yeah, like the underwear one.
I think I know what the hell is going on.
You know what I'm talking about?
Organic underwear?
They're like, yo, fucking idiot.
You still wearing polyester boxes?
I don't fucking know, maybe.
I wore the ones in the store that they sold.
Yeah.
They're like, no, that can fuck up your sperm.
Yeah, I've seen that exact commercial.
Bro, that happens so much with parenting stuff.
Like, I get TikToks or like Instagram reels all the time.
It's like, yo, are you playing music for your kid?
Because it can affect their hearing.
They'll be deaf forever.
Yeah.
And then I'm like, is this real?
Yeah.
And then you'll see another one that's like, you need to play music all the time to expose them to different sounds.
Yeah.
Okay.
You fucking love no matter what.
Exactly.
We have to do our best.
You don't have kids, bro?
Nah, no kids.
Well, go ahead and get a kid.
He's killed a female before they were born.
Jesus.
That's fucking brutal.
How do you kill them before they're born, though?
Ask Texas.
He's in Texas.
He doesn't even know what that is.
This guy's not allowed within state lines, dude.
Nah, bro.
He tried to fly to Austin.
They stopped him at the border.
He had to plan turn around.
There's one poster of this guy everywhere in Texas.
I can see that, bro.
I don't think I want kids.
Nah?
Yeah, I don't think so.
I guess it's not.
I still got to hop in.
Tom Hanks Movie Confusion00:15:18
I changed my mind, but right now, I don't think so.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
I don't know.
It's just not calling me.
You know how you guys want kids?
He wants kids.
I'm like, look, man, I'm going to bring this up for the third time.
But I did Joe Rogan's podcast.
He told me there's a shortage in Japan of people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which you wouldn't think, right?
When you watch Tokyo Drift, you see the scene where they go through all the people.
Also, 10 times Rob Japan for the record.
A little weed.
Little weed.
I'm worried about Japan.
They have a shortage of people.
They can't replace the people that are there.
Yeah.
So, and then Joe showed me a picture of some guy who's like in a relationship with an anime character.
You want to be that guy.
You don't want to be that character.
But that's like some scary shit.
Don't be that guy, bro.
Why?
It's better you be a shitty father than not a father at all.
That's a good point.
I never disagreed with anything more in my life.
For the sake of our economy.
I think my dad took that advice.
Say it.
Say a kid and then just leave.
Why?
It's because we need to not beat Japan.
Well, why?
Why is it a bad thing?
Yeah, you didn't say anything about why it's bad.
You just know what Joe Rogan said is bad, man.
But Joe's with his kids.
Yeah, it's true.
But he said that it's bad for Japan because that's like really bad.
Yeah, they got a negative birth rate.
More old people than young people.
So people will die, right?
Yeah, I understand that part.
But why is that so bad?
I don't necessarily understand.
But a few people can't support a bunch of pensioners that don't work.
You're going to die off.
I would imagine.
This is just high school diploma talking.
Okay.
I would imagine that there's like not going to be enough jobs being taken care of.
Like if there's fucking three farmers working on a farm, but they didn't have kids or whatever, who's going to like take over the farm?
There's no farm who's going to make the weird choice.
But once those old people die, now the population just shrinks and now we're back.
It's a short-term problem.
It's like a 20-year problem.
Once these old people die, we're all good.
And AI and robots are taking most jobs anyway.
I would like to say that's probably a better thing.
Why have you fucking valid points?
I need you three guys to go on Joe Rogan next.
Or I need you guys to go with me next time I do it because you probably won't be invited, but I will.
And every time he brings up a subject, like, I'm agreeing with you guys.
It's funny.
And then we rebuttal.
The Epstein thing.
What's going on?
Who's going to jail?
He's a pedophile.
No one's going to jail.
That we've learned.
No one's going to jail.
Hey, you know, apparently nothing happened.
No, that's insane.
That's so insane.
So Mark could probably tell you more about what actually happened.
Tom Hanks was on the list.
Okay, I don't know if that's true.
I need to know if I can say Tom Hanks or not.
I don't believe Tom Hanks is on the list.
I think people who get really deep into the conspiracy start saying Tom Hanks is on the list, but I don't think he's actually on the list.
I really hope he's not.
I need him to not be on that list.
Yeah.
I love Tom Hanks.
Yeah, I agree.
What's your favorite Tom Hanks movie?
Toy Story.
The one where you don't see him at all?
This is voice.
The one where he's getting played with by a kid?
Or maybe.
That's kind of crazy, bro.
That's wild.
The one where he's a little woody.
Stop connecting the dots, Mark.
Stop connecting the hotel.
A kid is playing with him and it's good.
A kid's touching him and he's woody.
I was going to bring up another movie, but it's still just a pedophilia.
I was going to say big.
Big.
A grown woman fucks Tom Hanks.
Bro, there's a chance.
All the writings on the wall.
You're connecting the dots, really.
Welcome to it.
Fuck.
The Matrix.
Tom Hanks in the Matrix.
If he was on the list, would you stop liking him?
If he wasn't on the, if he was on the list?
Yeah.
Those movies would hit way different.
I mean, I just like, ever since I even heard the rumor, I just can't watch a Tom Hanks movie without just wondering.
Like half the movie, I'm like, this guy is so fucking talented.
And then the other half, I'm like, but he's twisted.
Yeah.
I don't think Tom Hanks on the list.
I just don't think so.
Maybe you're in love with Tom Hanks.
Maybe, maybe I choose to believe the good in Tom Hanks.
You know, it's an underrated Tom Hanks movie.
You've seen the terminal?
Yeah.
That shit cracks.
Did you ever read about the true story of the terminal?
Yeah, the dude that lived in the airport.
Yeah, the dude lived in the airport and he was not as handsome as Tom Hanks.
I'll tell you that right now.
Yeah, he got an upgrade in the casting on that.
Yeah, and then they like gave him citizenship, right?
And then he didn't like living in the outside, so he went back to live at the airport and then he died at the airport.
Yeah, can we get an image of the dude?
Yeah, he literally just posted an airport for like 25 years.
If I saw that guy at the airport, I would report him.
You're allowed to do that?
He would be reported.
I would do that.
You're going to snitch, yo.
Look at him.
I'd be like, that guy.
I don't think he's that bad looking.
That guy's on the fucking Epstein list.
Yeah, he just looks Middle Eastern.
Nah, bro.
Look at that mustache.
Yeah, Middle Eastern.
He's Iranian.
Bang.
Yeah.
That's it.
And he was like stateless, if I remember.
Look at his eyes.
I don't think he's that ugly.
He's just bald.
He's no Tom Hanks, though.
He's no Tom Hanks, bro.
That's a fact.
Okay.
I didn't know Tom Hanks was hot.
You could tell me that guy's not that ugly.
Come on.
I don't stop doing drugs.
That's me in 10 years.
I'm terminal part two.
I don't even know how that happens, though.
Like, you just try to, you like, miss your flight and you're like, fuck it.
I live here now.
Nah, I think the story was that he fucking flying to America.
And as he's flying in, his country ceases to exist due to a war or something.
They infiltrate his country and they took it over.
So when he lands, he's a citizen of like nowhere.
So he's stateless.
Yeah.
So he can't even leave the airport because it's like illegal.
He's like, he can't watch the cookie.
It's beautiful.
I've never seen it.
What's the girl's name in the movie, Catherine Candy?
She looks gorgeous in that movie.
Well, she was on the run during that little era.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She did Oceans 12.
Yep.
She's still.
Wait, but what country is he?
You said he's a Persian?
He was from the actual person's Iranian, but in the movie, they like make up a country.
Yeah, they make love.
They put him in some made-up country in the movie.
Whoa.
I still don't get how does he just stay in the airport, though?
Because they can't let him into America because he's not a citizen.
He's in Paris.
They can't let him into France.
Airports are not actually part of the country.
Wait, he was in Paris?
Yeah.
No, in the real story.
In the real story, he was in Paris.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I mean, but was he rich?
Like, how is he feeding himself?
How is he like...
People would like to donate and give him food.
Go to a coffee bean.
You know what I mean?
You're just eating for a while.
If you watch the movie, which to me is the real story.
He's also like homies with all the people.
He really hustles.
People that are there.
Yeah.
People that work there liked him.
They gave him like a little corner he could sleep in.
I thought it was a love story.
I thought he falls in love at an airport.
I thought that's what the movie was.
Watched them.
He just masturbated in an airport a lot.
That's Hollywood.
You know, what am I thinking?
A misconnection?
Is that a movie where people fall in love at an airport?
Yo, I really thought this was a love story.
I swear to God.
I had no idea.
This movie sounds awesome.
That's wild.
It's a beautiful film.
Yeah.
Tom Hanks not on the list.
I can't see it.
I also think he's not attached to the list.
I think he's attached to some like clubs.
Yeah, it's another different conspiracy where he's like post stuff on Instagram and people look into it and they're like, look, he's doing the, he's part of this big much more like hair-brained.
It's less, less.
Yeah.
He'll just post a glove and people are like, this is a sign.
He killed someone.
You can keep watching Toy Story.
Yeah.
I don't think he's connected to Epstein.
Oh, no, but he did react when Ricky Gervais did the jokes about Epstein.
He was like, so people are like, oh, he's involved because of his reaction.
Ah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's a reach.
If he was actually involved, he would laugh to lie.
That's what actual actors always do.
When someone else went to the Oscar and they all pretend they're happy, they're all lying.
No.
That's what he would do.
Happy.
Come on.
Don't be so cynical.
Are you not happy for the comics when they get like a motor?
You know what I mean?
Okay, but you don't lie about it.
So give the actual activity.
I'm not an actor.
Actors are liars by profession.
You pretend to be someone else.
That's like your whole job.
He's so hurried now.
He wanted to be an actor.
He's like, don't call by profession.
Someday I'm going to be hanging out with Tom Hanks and Brad Pitt, and we're going to look down on you, Akash.
I hope that, dude, I pray that happens for you.
Just stay away from the children.
I wouldn't.
You now don't even talk to Michael.
He is.
He's doing a great job.
Come on, who are you talking to, huh?
I don't think I could make it as an actor.
I didn't think about it, but when I did that Riser commercial, it was like all day filming.
Yeah.
But then that was it.
Yeah.
One day.
That's it.
Actors fucking do that shit for like months at a time.
If I did any acting, which I think would be fun still, I would have to do small roles.
Like I, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
But, you know, I don't think you need to be the lead.
I would love to be just like the comedic side character in the thing.
But before, that's how you used to make it.
This is what I was saying.
Before you get in a movie or TV show, and then people will be like, oh, that's Ralph Barbosa.
And then they would find out you did stand-up and see your stand-up.
Bro, something.
Now it's the opposite.
And I realized a little too late in life is that like middle spots are like the sweetest.
Like even in comedy.
Oh, feature.
I can't believe you would say that, bro.
Feature spots are sweet.
He has to leave.
He has to catch a flight to go headline, actually.
Mark, where you headline?
Where are you headlining next week?
Oh, I'm going to be in Detroit and then Montreal and Toronto.
Bang.
There you go.
Go cash Mark Gagnon suck his dick.
I was before the show.
I told Ralph how to leave and he was like, yeah, just at some point, just pretend to be offended and get out.
It is that I think middle spots, they're good.
Yeah, you got to dream bigger, bro.
His father was killed by a sandwich.
I told you that in confidence.
Don't bring that up.
Edit that out.
How dare you?
Sorry about that.
I'll see y'all.
I love you, buddy.
Love y'all.
Take a castle entrance.
So you miss being a feature?
I got to feature for a short amount of time, but I've never featured for anybody like on the road a lot.
Yeah.
Like to be touring with somebody.
Yeah.
But yeah, I feel like that's like...
It's the best.
It's a good spot.
If they give you 20 and let you rock 2025, oh, God.
If you can make a living off of that and I have to like really deal with a whole lot of, but then again, I sound so ungrateful.
I wouldn't trade.
I wouldn't.
No, I know.
And I think, and I'm even saying this, I think you have a healthy ego.
It's not even a shot.
I think you have a healthy, like, I'm going to be big.
And I think that's good.
I think you need that.
So I don't think you'd be happy being a feature.
I think you're, you, I think you're going up and you want to keep going up.
Yeah, because then if you're a feature, you'll never know people are there for you.
It's true.
But it's still sweet.
It's a sweet spot.
What he's saying is as a gig.
So like, I didn't feature a ton on the road either, but I'll look at my features and they'll do 20 and get off and they're done.
And then I have to go do an hour.
And it's like, oh, your job is easier.
Yeah.
It's just a fun gig.
Yeah.
This is more pressure and it's better, but it's, it's like, the weight of the thing is on me.
If you bomb, I'm coming to clean it up.
Yeah.
If I bomb, what the fuck happens?
You know what I mean?
People are posting about it, blah, blah, blah.
So it's just like, as a gig, it's the best gig.
Yeah.
I would not trade lives.
Feedback.
The feedback can be on you, like good or bad reviews.
Yeah.
But if the feature just goes out there and does bad, they're like, who gives a shit?
I ain't coming to see him.
Yeah, if he does funny, the show was so good.
If he does good, everybody's like, oh my God, yeah.
So much funnier.
Yeah, if you're funnier than it's less time and the audience is already warm and you just do your best shit and get out.
So sometimes they'll be like, you know, you're better than the feature or you're better than the headliner.
I just get that.
I never want to open for Andrew, obviously, but like other people, yo, you were better than the headliner.
It's like, yeah, maybe, but also they, I had an easier gig.
Yeah, I would tell people I tell him, I did like 15 minutes.
They could do like an hour.
It's not fair.
Yeah, yeah.
But how is your act changed since you're doing an hour now?
Like, are you digging in deeper?
Are you getting in any personal stuff?
You don't have to.
I'm just curious.
Nah, I mean, I've always, I feel like my material is always kind of ranged.
I mean, it's always silly either way.
But I feel like lately, like the last few months, I've been doing a lot of crowd work.
It's because I'm tired of hearing my own act.
And I've had a little bit of like writer's blog.
Yeah.
I've just enjoyed the crowd work more.
It's just been funny.
It's so fun.
It's the most honest moment.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Some people, I know, I know, like, I got maybe like two, three messages where they're just like, hey, man, I went to your show and like, you did like a few jokes and then you just did a lot of crowd work.
I just wanted to see jokes.
And I like, I get it.
Yeah.
And I don't really post a lot of crowd work because I also don't want people to like expect crowd work and just start yelling a lot.
But yeah, it's been fun.
Yeah.
I just need a little break from the script.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what people, so when I first started before YouTube, before like, if you need to put a clip up every week, you can't do a new joke every week.
You're burned out.
So now we all do crowd work.
But back then, people would judge it.
And I was like, Doug, that is the only real moment we're having.
98% of what I say is off the top.
Some, one or two things I'll probably reuse.
But every joke I've been working on, I do it in every city.
It's like it's a script.
Yeah.
This is not, this is real.
This is us having a thing.
I love that.
I like doing jokes too that are like you, what do you call it?
Like fill in the blank type jokes, depending on the city.
Yeah.
Like I was doing this joke.
So I'll ask, though, before the show starts, I'll ask like the staff, like, what's like the ghetto is neighborhood around?
So like I started doing it in Dallas.
I'd be like, the joke was like... Pleasant Grove or whatever.
Yeah, I would use Pleasant Grove.
So I'd go on stage.
I'd be like, I don't like when people act like they're too good for junk food.
Like they look down on junk food.
Like I was out with a girl and I was like, oh, look, there's a food truck.
We could just eat there.
And she's like, oh, I don't trust food trucks.
I was like, fuck you mean you don't trust it.
You're just going to drive off and get like a little laugh.
And then she'd be like, no, I mean, I don't like it.
Like, what if they don't have a good health rating?
Or like, what if it's not sanitary?
Yeah.
And then I'd be like, girl, I picked you up in Pleasant Grove.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then I'd be like, ah, yeah, yeah.
So then I like doing that stuff on the road.
Oh, they love it.
Because then I'll change.
Yeah, I'll say, like, oh, I picked you up in the Bronx.
And then it's like, oh, he gets it.
Yeah, yeah.
But then I also like to take it a step further and like let people know like, hey, like, like break the fourth wall.
Like, yeah, no, I do this.
I do this with a different neighborhood.
Like, you're like, it's stupid, you know?
No, that's great, though, because they also, they want to, they want to know you're a part of the thing and that you're talking about something that only they know.
And like, if you're doing a Mexican show and you talk about some shit that only Mexican people know, they love it.
If I'm doing an Indian show and I'm talking about some inside shit, they love it.
Avoiding Boredom On Stage00:02:14
So it's the same thing.
If I'm in San Diego, it's a little more intimate like that.
I love to like break away from my own act.
Even before I started doing crowd work, I would just fucking, like, at some point in my show, I would like give people a fucking behind the scenes on like that joke.
Like, you know, I wrote that and I was like, taking the shit.
Yeah.
Wow.
Why you like doing that?
I'm curious.
I'm not even.
I feel like if I just do a whole hour of like joke after joke or like joke, story joke, it can be very, I feel like people can tune out more.
And even I get bored of it.
Yeah.
But I get bored easily.
I don't know.
I don't know if it's like a fucking.
No, I think most people get bored easily now.
We got iPhones all the time.
Yeah.
So I got to think of some way to like fucking break the fourth wall.
Keep them, yeah, some new stimulus.
That's a great idea.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, I'm curious because typically, how many years in you now?
Eight, nine, nine?
I'm like nine, almost ten, I think.
Yeah, 10 years and then 15 years and then 20 years.
The act just keeps evolving.
And it's going to be interesting to see because you blew up pretty quick, like we said.
So you got about 14, 15 years left of evolving.
And you're still going to be headlined.
And so like, this is awesome.
Your first Hulu special, Planet Bosa, is different than your last Netflix special.
And then in 10 years, you're going to put out a special on whatever streamer or whatever that's going to be so different than this.
And your fans get to like really follow you on the journey, which is going to be cool.
You know, I actually like the Planet Bosa special a little more than my last special.
That's great.
Yeah.
But I actually feel like it's because it devolved.
What do you mean?
Like, I feel like my Netflix special was hard for me to tell if I really liked the jokes I was saying or not.
Like, it was getting laughs.
Fuck it.
I was using it.
You know what I mean?
And it was cool there.
But I feel like when I did this Hulu special, I had already had more experience on the road and gotten way more comfortable that I got to just be myself on stage more.
Awesome.
So like Calabunga was like very, very nervous.
Shitting bricks.
But I feel like with the Hulu one, I was just way more myself.
So I felt like I got to be like an older version of myself.
Breaking Bad Car Talk00:08:02
Yeah.
Well, who knows?
I don't know.
But that's again, that's part of it.
What do I do?
I don't even think that's devolving.
I think it's like part of it.
And you are.
You're going to keep growing.
I'm 41.
You're 28.
I remember that.
I'm a very different person in comic than I was in those 13 years.
I mean, I wasn't that good then.
But that's going to be the same thing for you.
Whatever.
Devolve, evil.
It's all the growth.
I see a lot of like comics that I think are very funny, like comics that I'm a fan of online.
And I start to wonder, like, bro, should I be reading more?
No.
Like, I feel like a lot of comics are like so, so much smarter nowadays.
I feel like you read a lot.
You mentioned multiple books that you were reading.
Which one?
The Hunter S. Thompson one?
Yeah.
I got like a new colour.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, he's.
I'm going to buy the book.
I don't read shit.
Nah.
No.
But you also didn't say you're a fan of me, so it's fine.
But I don't read.
I don't think you need to.
I think you need to be you.
That's my personal thing.
You just got to be you.
People love you, specifically you.
Ralph, they're like, oh, he's so funny.
Okay.
I'll take it.
Yeah.
So it's like, just the more you you are, the better.
I appreciate it, man.
Yeah.
Did I mention I started an automotive channel?
Fuck.
I was supposed to promote that.
Formula Bean.
Yeah.
What is it, man?
They can't deport us if they can't catch us.
Yeah.
I don't.
I'll be researching Florida.
That's our race.
Racing slogan.
So what do y'all race?
We've raced a couple times.
We put Nitrous and a Turbo in a 1989 Nissan 240, not tuned, so it ran horribly.
And we blew it up.
That's sick.
Yeah.
We committed a sin and put an LS in a skyline.
I don't even know what that means, dude.
I'm going to be honest.
This is one of those Rogan moments where I could pretend I know what you mean by asking him, but nah, I don't know what the fuck you just said.
I know Skyline because it was on Gran Turismo back in the day.
It's a Nissan, right?
Yeah.
Thank God.
How many cars do you own now?
Like, what do you, what's your, your stable look like?