Cam Patterson joins Flagrant to recount a chaotic Kill Tony moment, detailing how Kevin Hart mentored him into acting and contrasting his accidental mall robbery with his brother's drug arrest. He shares traumatic high school basketball stories involving coach Wally West and a heartbreaking final-second loss, while discussing his controversial "Disney adults" comments and interactions with Tucker Carlson. Ultimately, Patterson reveals his delusional drive for success, his upcoming marriage to Alicia, and his complex views on race and family dynamics within the comedy world. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome to Flagger00:04:31
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagger.
Today we are very excited to be joined by a young legend in the comedy game from Orlando originally.
Now out of Austin.
I think we might be getting him over here in New York.
I think there's rumors for like Cam Patterson's five.
Hell yeah.
So Cam, Mark was saying before, Pa that you guys grew up in the same neighborhood.
Is that not true at all?
The same block, basically.
Oh, it's a block.
He's from the same hood.
Yeah, yeah.
And how is Mark appreciated in the hood back in the day?
Man, Mark in the hood love Mark.
Really?
Look at the photo of Mark.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Also, this is Mark's one black friend that he talks about.
Yeah, this is where the past came from.
This is where I got the past.
With the past.
What the fuck that means?
That sounds like different.
No, no, no, no.
That's where the past was at.
The past.
Oh, to say it says.
Oh, to say it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, correct.
I give it to everybody, dog.
We got to get him out of Austin.
Got to pass that shit out, dog.
10 to 99.
They're going to happen.
What happened to time?
Fun thing about the past, and you can hand it out and give it to somebody.
But like, it's really like, I'm giving you a pass to get your ass beat.
I'm not going to do it.
But if you got enough gusto, you're going to say it around the right nigga and he's going to fuck you up.
Not you, because you are smart.
You're going to say, I love you.
That's a good point.
Like, if you do give someone a pass, it's not like you could tell the people that are upset about it that you got a pass from.
Yeah, yeah.
It's not universal.
Not universal pass.
It's not like alone.
You got to pick and choose when you then will fuck.
But if you don't have good skills, you're fucked.
Yeah, yeah.
You got to see if it's redeemable.
You know what I mean?
You got to be like, is this pass accepted with these people?
Examines.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Yeah, Mark, you shouldn't use it anymore, man.
And what do you mean, Mark?
I was just joking.
No, no, no.
I was just joking.
You feel what I'm saying?
You don't say a lot, right?
Yeah, it is crazy.
I say it the cool way.
Okay, well, wait a minute.
Wait, yo, what is that?
Remember the episode on camp you did about how to say it?
It was like you brought it in a bit.
I did a whole personal deep dive.
It's like what the proper ways are or whatever.
You kept using the R though.
That's where I was like, to show people how not to do it.
Because if I don't show them, then how will they never show it?
What are you even talking about, guys?
A lot.
I like it, though.
I'm excited.
So you moved to New York.
Probably.
Really?
David?
I'm thinking about it.
Okay.
Yeah, I think.
I think, yeah.
Okay.
So you're here doing a movie in Jersey, which this is out.
We can talk about at least.
It's been announced that you're going to be announced, right?
And then this is your, is this your first like big acting thing?
Yeah.
Do you like acting?
I do enjoy acting.
Really?
Yeah, I like it a lot.
It's not boring just standing around all day.
Nah, nigga.
Really?
Got a lot of free time.
I still can do comedy at night, most nights.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, it's not bad.
I don't hate it.
I'm not good at it.
Yeah.
I wouldn't say I was a good actor.
What happened to letting you know you're not good at it?
I just, I'm around people that act for real.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm around people that really act.
Who's the best actor you're working with that you're like, we know that?
Man, Kevin's great.
He's a man.
You can tell you've been doing it at a high level for a long time.
I know he gave you the job, but who do you really?
No, he didn't know.
I mean, we did all this and he was pissed.
He was like, what the fuck?
Why do you hoop like that?
But nah, he's great.
I'm really short carries back to Black Dude on his name.
Why you got this nigga, man?
But now, the new, somebody who's really, well, Ben Marshall is phenomenal, dog.
He's like, him and Marcelo are like really like...
They're good at the craft of action.
They're good at it.
They're really good.
I feel like that is a thing that stand-ups do where we're just like, all right, we're just going to be ourselves in the movie.
It'll be funny.
Whereas actors, they will be two different people.
It's the exact opposite.
But they laugh.
They stand like, Marcelo stand up.
And then Ben, he's in Aka.
In a he's in a comedy trio, like a like a what is a troop, like a sketch group, yeah, which is really good, but it's also gay, respectfully.
You say that time, it's really great, though.
I want to watch him, but it's also a gay thing, but he's there, he's great.
He's a phenomenal actor, man.
It's gay, respectfully, though, yeah, respectfully, you know what I'm saying?
Respectfully, of course, yeah, 100% respectful.
You can say that word, but you might run, you might run into the wrong trio.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
Yeah, that's the same.
You never know.
British Niggas and Pills00:07:36
You're in New York now, you're not in Texas no more.
Let me tell you something.
They fight.
It's okay.
I'm faster than a lot of people, dog.
I'm not fighting that bit of fight a moment.
I'm running away.
Yeah, we talked about this.
You said you robbed people, and I was like, I don't, I don't pick that up from you.
I robbed one person, and I didn't even really rob the nigga, dog.
This is what happened, right?
So we were selling weed.
We was doing a thing called like Disney Gas.
That was on Instagram.
I wasn't selling weed.
I don't think you're bad either.
I was bad at all of it.
Yeah, I don't put, I don't attribute most black things to you, except be it on the bus.
Wait a minute.
What the fuck?
Wait a minute.
Like, the negative stereotypes about black people, I don't put most of those up.
Yeah, no, I'm not the same.
You seen that.
I mean, I'm not saying like, wait, shut him up.
Yeah, I'm not setting that black.
You said I'm gonna shoot you.
You get a pass.
I'm getting out of here, man.
It's a setup.
This is what this is.
I'm on Carl, having a good time concept.
We have to treat our guests with respect.
But that's true.
Okay.
I'm a good guy.
You were robbing.
You were robbing something.
You were saying that?
Why are you saying that?
You know, it's so funny.
This is.
We're just out there by the fucking coffee machine.
And he goes, and he was like, you're like, I did rob one time, but I was just, I was horrible at it.
And then Al immediately goes, me too.
I wasn't going to say that part.
Me too.
I was holding down there.
It's not fun, though.
It was the British niggas that came through.
My homeboy, they was British.
Yeah.
And that's the funniest.
This is the funniest analogy.
They are.
That's what they were.
And so they come through.
They're white, but they're British niggas.
And so they came through at the Florida Mall.
We met them in the bathroom.
They gave my homeboy like a bag to put the money in.
I mean, the weed in, but it was a bunch of money in the bag.
So he just took the bag.
Nice.
And then we just left.
We thought you were going to sell him drugs.
Yeah.
And then you just robbed him instead.
Well, we really, they really just dumb.
They just kind of gave us a bag of money.
They gave you a bag of money.
Yeah, and it was like, why would you do that?
You don't know who we are.
So we just left.
And then what happened?
Then we split the money.
And so it worked out.
It was good for me.
Yeah.
So you just retired one and oh?
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, I mean, that wasn't.
Usually, if it goes that well the first time, you're like, I think I should keep doing it.
So I told my brother about it.
My older brother, he was just like, he was like, yeah, bro, that's cool and all, man.
But I remember one time he told me the story about how he was selling drugs and he was doing that shit with these pills and shit.
And he was like, he was selling.
This one dude came up and was like, man, I just want to get a whole bunch of, I'm going to get a whole bunch of pills.
He really recognized like, he was like, he was buying like one or two, but he wanted like 400.
And then so my brother Homeboard was like, well, we'll go to Walmart.
We'll get like something a little like the pill, fill it up, give him that.
Yeah.
And he said, when he walked into the mall to go like to serve him, he said it just felt so weird.
Like nothing was going on.
And the police thought that my brother was like the kingpin.
And they arrested my brother for that.
He had fake pills.
A whole bunch of like fake pills.
Hilarious.
Thank God.
Robbing.
Wow.
So robbing people who want to buy drugs always works out in your family.
Yeah.
We're pretty good at it.
That is hilarious.
I've been thinking about it.
You think it's this big sting and it's just Tylenol?
Yeah.
That's hilarious.
Yeah, it was crazy.
He got on scot-free or I mean, I ain't the crazy thing.
Had no idea that was like a story about him and none of that happened until I did that thing.
I did.
I told him about it, and he was like, Nigga, you understand this what could happen?
That's wrong with that to happen.
That's crazy.
Yeah, then I stopped the music.
Wow.
I was terrible at being like outside.
Yeah.
I dunno too late, though.
Yeah.
Why?
Your childhood, you weren't outside of that.
Like, I played basketball.
I was a basketball player.
Really?
Yeah, I was real good at it, too.
See, he didn't think he'd be good at that.
He said, really, with like, he doesn't think you're good.
Wait a minute.
I'm not listening to you no more.
First quarter.
No, he didn't.
I saw you, man.
You hate black people, right?
I'm thinking we're having a good time enjoying ourselves.
You're like, yeah, you hate your brace, right?
Yeah, right.
How are you feeling about that?
I'm not listening to you no more.
Nothing, bro.
Miscommunication.
You came across me.
Not with me no more.
Never again.
That was fucked up.
Off the dribble is crazy.
No, okay.
So you played.
Yeah.
You were really good at basketball.
Yeah.
Well, what the fuck?
Wait a minute.
He's height shaming you right now.
I was really old.
Are you good at basketball?
No, I mean, you know, obviously back in the day was elite, but now I mean, yeah, I play sport.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you were decent.
You played in high school?
Obviously, I can play ball.
You played high school?
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Come on, come on, come on.
I bet money you can't beat me.
Now, no.
Yeah, I'll beat you now.
No.
Yeah.
No way.
No, now he won't.
Yeah, now he's too old.
His ankles are bad.
How old are you actually?
Hold on.
He'll bust it.
And do you play regularly?
At 26, he'll bust it.
Do you play like in a league or anything like that?
No, listen, look at me.
Look at me there.
My face.
You fucked up.
Jokes.
He got four positive talkers.
Anybody focus on Zoom, dogs.
No, I do.
Look at me, but you won't.
You will not.
I think I will.
And when he was 26, if y'all can match up.
Can you shoot?
Do whatever you want me to do.
No, but like, is your game?
Are you a shooter?
I can do whatever.
I don't play defense on shooters.
Oh, why not?
It's too much.
But if you can go to the rack, then there's no way that you'll lock it up every single day.
That's not a question.
I promise.
I don't think at 41 you could do it.
Yeah.
Like, I really don't.
Hey, like, you know, at 26, 26-year-old Schultz, I put my money on him.
Hey.
41-year-old.
It'd be fun to see, though.
It'd be fun to watch.
Listen to your friends.
They have your best interests at heart.
They believe in you.
I like the confidence.
I'm not going to lie.
The confidence is there.
You know how I will cook you.
Would Derek beat you?
No.
Not at all.
No.
Nobody in this room beat me.
No.
You're not being out.
I'll stop.
I'm playing no way.
I'm from New York.
I'm talking shit.
We didn't even play basketball in Florida.
What the fuck would we know?
We got real hoopers.
No.
Mark fired.
Yeah.
Mark is great.
Mark Hurston's backboard.
Have you ever seen him shoot?
Nah, he told me.
He told me.
Look at you.
Hey, hey, hey.
That's true.
Whenever, whenever you want one word, Mark Hurst.
Nah, that's all right.
Whenever I say, he goes, yeah.
Don't do no movements.
I've never seen bad air basketball in my life, though.
Both of these is crazy.
That's crazy.
What's better than one reason?
He did a day, yay.
That was crazy, though.
Double the power, bro.
I was insane.
We shot one time.
We were just shooting.
And then just watching him, his wrist when he dribbled.
I was like, this is crazy.
Don't ever do that.
I can't.
That was terrible.
Soccer is soccer.
Yeah.
I'm good at basketball, though.
I ain't played a lot of high school.
I was a bitch player, but I'm at basketball.
No, no, you're getting cool.
That didn't sound that convincing, honestly, to say I was really good at basketball.
I almost said in high school.
He went to a good high school.
He went to a good high school.
It was competitive?
No, we were.
I'm not going to lie to you.
You guys, did you guys did your high schools play?
Why is he putting it?
I went to Orangewood.
It was like a little Christian school.
Oh, no, we didn't.
Nah, nah.
Wait, you guys knew each other when you started in Orlando?
Nothing.
No, he was gone.
He was gone by the time I got started dressed up.
Oh, really?
Three Weeks on the Mic Stand00:14:48
Funny as shit.
Everybody, he was like folklore.
You know, that's conversation.
He was like, oh, five, oh, five, because everybody in the seat, I swear to God, when I first started, everybody was like, yeah, nigga, Mark, Mark, he was so smart.
He's doing great.
You know what I'm saying?
He had a plan.
Every homebuck, I went to, it was always cool.
Comedy is the only business where having a plan is folklore.
Everybody was there.
Most had a plan.
Yeah, I know.
I was going, what was the plan?
And they'll go, we have no idea.
He had a plan and it worked.
And then I heard about Cam the other way because all my friends that were still there were like, yo, there's this kid, Cam, and he's fucking unbelievable.
He's like a year in and like, he's just like the best one.
And I was like, I was like, all right, I'm sure.
Like, you hear about people that come up.
The moment I knew Cam was popping crazy, I'm in the back of an Uber at 5 a.m. going to the airport in Orlando.
Did I tell you this?
Yeah, you told me.
There's a private investigator that's driving me.
And we're in the car for an hour.
She's telling me a whole story about all of her private investigators.
She's like a 55-year-old white lady.
And I was like, oh, yeah, I do comedy.
She's like, I love comedy.
I was like, who's your favorite comedian?
Expecting she's going to be like Bill Bird, Dave Chappelle, whatever.
She goes, Cam's so funny.
I was like, Cam?
She's like, Yeah, yeah, look at his Instagram.
And shows me this dude's Instagram.
And I was like, This is your favorite comedian in the world.
She was like, Yeah, he's the best one.
And I was like, Holy shit.
If 55-year-old private investigator driving Uber love Cam, I think he's out of here.
And this is when, this is where were you?
You were in Orlando.
You were in Orlando.
Oh, you got white bitches.
You good.
White people always love me.
You good.
When I first thought of it, my stepmom looked me dead in my face and I was like, I'm going to do stand-up sick.
White people think you're funny.
I was like, that's fucked up.
All right, guys.
Let's shout out some dates.
August 8th and 9th, Perrysburg, Ohio.
That's Toledo, I believe.
August 22nd and 23rd, Liberty Township, Ohio.
It's a lot of Ohio.
September 11th and 13th, I'm back in Civilization in Downia Beach, Florida.
September 25th and 26th, back to hell in Ohio.
And this is a show that's, I'm very excited to do it, but it's going to sell out October 5th, Dubai Comedy Festival.
I didn't get to go last year.
It was a big mix up.
This year, I'm there.
The tickets are already like 80% sold out.
So you need to hurry up and buy those.
All those dates and more at akashing.com.
Get your tickets.
Also, I am very excited to announce the Akash Singh show.
This is my podcast.
I flew out to India to record a bunch of episodes.
He was just like, nobody really gonna see you here.
Who's that?
He's a comedy that's been on Kill Tony a couple of times.
He's funny as shit.
Nobody's gonna see you here.
You were opening for him in Tampa?
Yeah.
And he was like, you gotta go to Austin.
You gotta get out of Florida.
Hell yeah.
We also gotta give a little credit to David Jolly.
Oh, yeah, but Jolly was like, nah, Jolly.
That's like I called on my uncle, but he's like, um, he had a comic who, when I first thought there was stand-up, it was, it was no, there's no, there's no black scene in Orlando.
There's no, there's no black comedy scene.
So I'm running around and I'm talking how I talk and I'm talking about shit.
I've been doing life and shit.
Nobody's really like understand what I'm trying to say.
There's no black scene for real.
And then so I was, I probably would have not even kept doing stand-up if I ain't meet Jolly because Jolly is a, he looked like a crackhead.
Like real shit.
You know what I'm saying?
This is making me so happy, right?
No, real shit.
So, Jolly, I meet Jolly.
Jolly has three goalkeepers.
Now, the other rest of the team rotted, they no longer existed.
He does.
I meet this nigga, right?
I meet him.
And he just go, he's an alcoholic at times.
He don't drink no more.
He alcoholic at the time.
He goes, Hey, yo, nigga, you funny as hell, dog.
You funny as fuck with you, nigga.
You funny as hell.
So he gave me like confidence to keep going.
I was like, hey, this nigga believe me.
All this is pretty dope.
But then I watched him do that to like six other niggas.
He was like, man, you funny as hell.
You were fucking for nothing.
But at the time, I was like, yeah, fuck it.
Like, I'm just going to really.
I'm going to try to, I'm going to try to get good at this shit.
He would do this thing.
He lived in like a, he lived by the Citrus Bowl, by the Orange Bowl in Orlando, which is in the trenches, right?
He lit.
And I would, um, I would work at, I worked at Publix, and I would go to his house like every day.
Every day, and he'll help me like tag Joseph.
He would be like drunk.
He would during the hour.
First of all, I would break into his shit.
Like, because he had two, like, he had two doors.
The back, the front door would like lock for real, but the back door, you could like jimmy.
And he was drunk, he really want to answer the phone.
So I would jimmy the back door open, and I would go wake him up and be like, hey, I got this new joke I want to tell you.
Wake up, listen to the joke.
All he had in his in his uh his apartment was a couch, a mic stand, and uh, um, and that was it.
So I only had a couch and the mic stand.
I swear to God, couch and the mic stand like a table in like the corner with like a bunch of shit on it.
But I would sit up there and I would just tell him jokes, and he'd be like, that's funny, that's funny.
Then he'd be like, make it retard.
That was his thing.
He would tell me, make it more retarded.
It's good, but it's not retarding us.
I would even say, I swear to God.
Why the mic stand?
Because you had to practice how you play.
I just have mic stands at home.
I practice.
It's out.
And a microphone and a mic stand.
No TV, nigga.
Yeah, no TV.
No TV.
And a mic stand with like with a mic with no cord on it.
Like, just this is like just having a poll at home and they be practicing himself in front of nobody.
Yeah, bro.
Some cam is practicing jokes in front of drunk David Jolly.
And he just going, I like that, but make him over tall.
I'm a week.
I'm like, I'm like a week, about two months into comedy.
Like, all right, so, and we, uh, and I got it.
I had a car at the time, so we going to mics.
I understand.
He just taught me like everything about stand-up.
Like, everything.
I mean, like, him being like, him being fucked up.
He don't drink no more, which is a blessing from God, dog.
But him being fucked up was like, he would, I would take him everywhere, and then he would just tell me, like, you know, this is the improv.
These people here are like, family.
Don't fuck these hoes.
I tried it.
It's not fun.
Family.
You know what I'm saying?
He would just show me a lot of shit just by stand-up, dog.
And that nigga, he taught me shit everything I know about this shit.
And what did he think about you going to Austin?
Oh, he was like, at the time, he was fucked up and he was still drinking and shit.
And then I was staying with my cousin in the project about the street from his house.
I was telling my cousin.
And it was just nothing.
It was nothing left.
It was really nothing left in the sense of me to really do.
You feel what I'm saying?
Like, I was in at the club.
Everybody, it was kind of like there was nobody.
Nigga, it was great.
It's still great comics in the city and shit like that.
But like, there was nobody that was, I could say that was, I was like, I was scared to follow up.
So shit like that.
You've done everything you could do in Orlando.
Yeah, so it was kind of the point where it was like, I got to get it.
I got to get it out the way.
Why Austin over in New York or LA?
I went to, I came to New York, I think, like, probably like a year and a half into stand-up.
Yeah.
And, you know, nobody, there was just, it's such a fast city, bro.
Nobody gave me, paid me no attention, no mind.
Yeah, it's tricky.
And so I was like, I ain't, I ain't trying to sit here and just be lost to open mics forever.
And then LA was just a situation where I was just like, I just didn't, it just feels, it don't feel real.
Like, I know you're not because, I mean, even then, I like because it feels like a real place.
LA is more like, what can you do for me type situation?
I didn't like that.
And then when I went to Austin, dog, it was like, man, funny, funny, funny's first.
Funny was first.
Man, my favorite story to tell about me getting to about me getting to Austin, Derek, nigga.
Yeah.
I'm posting.
Yeah.
It's like my real big brother, dog.
Like, he, um, I was, I was, I'll never forget.
I was there.
I was running around for a minute.
I went off Kill 28.
And people started to know my name from like, they just catch this kid crushed.
Cam does really good.
He crushes, right?
And so my dog Bianca Parado was running the show at sunset.
And she said, if Derek don't show up, you can just do his 20 minutes.
He had a bunch of shows.
He might not make it in time.
Right before I was getting ready to go up, Derek walks in.
And she's going, I'm sorry.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, he's here.
I'm just giving the time.
And they're going, no, no, like, split it in half.
Like, give Cam Tim.
I do 10 a week.
That's cool.
And they sat there, he watched me.
And right after he got off, he said, come on, he took me right to the ship.
Like, right after he took me straight to the mother ship.
That's fire.
Like, off the like, I probably, and I was like, man, thank you so much, bro.
I really appreciate it.
He's like, nigga, you funny.
That's what the fuck we do here.
You funny, bro.
You feel what I'm saying?
And that's why I think Austin was a great jump for me from the city.
Because instead of having to run around and prove it a little more, it was like, no, you funny.
Let's 100%.
You know what I'm saying?
It's also probably a lot of, I don't want to say maybe more, but there is that excitement and it's built specifically around stand-up.
Dude, the city's on fire if you stand up.
You feel it.
It's amazing, dog.
You feel it.
Yeah, I liken it to that's the professional sport in Austin.
Yes.
Like there's no professional basketball team, but there is stand-up comedy.
And I think you guys are kind of like the athletes that are walking around town.
UT, stand-up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's crazy.
And then you get on Kill Tony, but after that.
Yeah.
How quickly?
I did, I want to say like six months, maybe.
I've been signing up.
I signed up every week.
Had you been, you signing up every week?
When I signed up, the time I got on, I wasn't even going to go back, dog.
I kind of signed up, I kept signed up, and I was like, bro, I ain't trying to.
I'm sitting in the alleyway.
Motherfucker said, Sam, I'm just work on stand-up.
Yeah.
Instead of like, just keep signing up.
That was the last time.
That was the last time.
And then I went to the Creek in the Cave, did a show.
And then I got a phone call to do a Don't Tear special.
Wow.
And I just went back to go tell my homeboy white Cam with my roommate.
I was like, bro, I just got a Don't Tear special, nigga.
This shit is amazing.
And right when I went back to tell him, I got pulled for Kill Tony.
Wow.
I wasn't even going back, bro.
And you weren't even going to be there for long.
You were going to be there for five minutes.
And in that five minutes, I was sliding.
I was just so excited for the Don't Terror special.
I'm like, now I got to go touch.
This shit is crazy, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
As soon as I got that, I call Gil Tony.
I never put Don't Touch special a lot.
Question about the Kill Tony.
You have to give up a minute every week when you're a regular.
And like, is it hard to build your hour and be working on the minute that millions of people are going to see every week?
Because I don't think people realize that.
Like, usually you get to work on jokes for like months.
You're probably doing a new minute every week.
And it's going in front of, it's the most watched stand-up platform in the world right now.
Like, yes, it's one of the biggest podcasts, but in terms of just weekly stand-up platform, it's the biggest.
There's no one close.
So, like, are you dividing up your week?
Are you going, okay, three days a week I'm working on these jokes and one day I work on this?
Do you just riff it when you go up?
Like, what is the.
It's a mix between like two things.
So it's like sometimes I have a joke that just starts cooking in the beginning of the week.
And then it gets to a point where I think it's just funny enough I can do a minute on it.
And that's perfect.
That's the best case scenario.
Is there ever a situation where you're like, I want to make this part of the hour?
I don't want to give this away.
Yeah, but then I get backstage and I go, I can't bomb.
Yeah.
I don't want to, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't want to go out there and eat a dick.
Yeah.
That's the real shit, though.
That's like, that's the dichotomy of the shit where it's like, damn.
So then how do you, all right, you have something that's crushing that's part of your hour.
Yeah.
How do you, you get to a week where you're like, I don't know if I have something for Kill Tony this week.
Do you take something from the hour?
I'm trying to like, as a stand-up comedian, you're touring now.
Yeah.
I imagine it's in your brain.
It's like, okay, I need to have an hour of stand-up comedy.
I need to turn this into this beautiful hour that absolutely fucking crushes.
But you also have like an incredibly high-stakes responsibility to put stuff out on a platform that has done wonders for you.
Taylor.
And, you know, other comics.
But like, what do you do?
Is there ever something where you're like, oh, I can't release that?
Yes and no.
It gets to a point where it's like, the best thing about it, the best thing about it right now is three weeks episodes come out every three weeks.
Oh, it's not weekly.
Well, it is.
It's weekly.
Yeah.
But we do them, it's like a, it was like a three-week kind of, you feel what I'm saying?
You want to rotate every three weeks.
No, no, I do it every week.
Yeah.
But when I do a joke, it's three weeks.
I got three weeks to make it better before people see it.
And then when they see it, it's kind of like, it's kind of changed since then.
The MSN air is three weeks later.
So you can still build on and change it.
And if I build it fast enough, by the time it comes out, I still got to stop doing it for a minute.
But then by the time I keep running this, it'll turn into something else.
Everything I do in my house now has been on Kill Tony.
Right.
But some people come see me like, I don't think he did a joke.
So that's Kill Tony.
That's the other thing that people don't realize is like, you could start with an idea for a joke.
And then a year later, it's a completely different joke.
Or a 10-minute bit.
Yeah.
I saw something you did on Kill Tony that was like a one-minute thing that now I saw the other night was like six minutes.
Yeah.
So you don't want to abandon a great premise just because it was out there, but you still are like, oh, those people probably just saw that show.
Oh, I got to wait a minute.
Yeah, that's it.
But I like it though, bro, because I always told people all the time, man, I would rather you throw me in the water and let me learn how to swim than just tell me how to swim anyway.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I'd rather just get thrown into the doors.
And nigga, at four years in, so I come on a new minute every week.
That shit is.
It's crazy hard.
You know what I'm saying?
It's tough, but I fuck with it.
Like, I like the, like I was saying earlier, man, I was saying earlier this shit, early days, bro.
This coffee got me wired.
I'm on coffee for the, I'm on coffee for the first time.
Like, this shit got me.
I'm more mature.
I'm out of there.
I'm jolly with the crowd.
Yeah, I'm top thick.
But I'm, I'm, why?
I'm on one.
But even, but it's a situation where it's like Pressure McDonald's.
Yes.
And Pressure Bust Pipes.
Dude, one of the best things about the internet is I think it forced comedians to write new jokes.
Like you're coming into the game a little bit later.
I think like there was a time where like I knew you probably know guys that like have been doing the same hour for 25.
And now that just can't exist anymore.
New Jokes Every Week00:02:12
There are certain guys that do it and then they just kind of fall off.
So you do need to generate more material because the way that we get on now is we put our material out.
Yeah.
But you also need time to develop it.
And that's just the tricky thing.
Like I remember early in my career when I was putting out, I was putting out a joke a week and I did it for a year.
And that shit was hard.
And I had a bunch of time from the last hour I did that I could put out.
So I always think about that with you guys.
It's like the best opportunity in stand-up is being regular on Kill Tony.
And it will force you to learn how to write jokes in a way that most comedians will never understand.
Quit fast and hurt.
You gotta get on it.
A lot of my shit be ass though.
Yeah.
A lot of my shit.
Does the audience get that?
Like, that's the other thing.
Like, I hope the audience starts to understand.
Like, this is a new minute every week.
You can't get, they don't give you that expectation.
Now, some people do.
People that don't read the comments, they're talking about me.
I'm going to read them, bitches.
Then the situation where it's like, some people be like, no, you got to understand.
It's like, it's a new minute in this tough.
But you also got dickheads that don't understand comedy.
So they think it's a very easy thing.
One.
And two situations where it's just like people don't get the fact that, damn, what I was trying to, I was going to say something really smart and worded.
Then the coffee was like, no, you're not.
Why do you think that?
They don't understand this idea that it takes time to work on a joke to make it good.
Because that's the thing.
It's like every time.
Oh, this is it.
The situation too is like, so I'm coming up with new jokes every week.
And most of them, like, I thought when I was taking the shit.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Where it's like, I just might, hopefully this is funny because I really have too much to come up with.
And then you got people that are like killers that'll get pulled.
Yeah.
And they're doing like they clothes.
Yeah.
And that's put up against my taking the shit joke.
Yeah.
You feel what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Which is also like, well, this nigga make shit.
Everything else I had is gone, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
So one of them situations too.
So some uncle advice, though, on the comments, it's like, if you ever look at the views versus the number of comments, it's 0.1% of the people, and they're the most insane people for a lot of times making the, oh, this joke sucks.
Like that guy, it ain't about you.
But it only hurts when you kind of think your joke sucks.
Basketball Coach on Crack00:05:49
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like when you think your joke is a shit, somebody's like, yeah, this motherfucker comedy.
So when you kind of think it sucks and you look into the comments for shit sucks, man, he's right.
This guy's on.
He's signing.
He on to the oh shit.
You got me.
You got me.
I was wrong.
This ain't funny.
I get it, dude.
You feel what I'm saying?
Now, how do you safeguard against that changing your, because you're four years in.
So like, as you develop your voice, do you have to safeguard against what I'm writing one minute at a time?
And that could change the kind of comic I am down the road.
No, I like, I think I enjoy telling stories.
That's kind of what I'm just.
So you just take a story, crush it down to a minute, and then by the time you see it for real, it's like a whole different.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a whole different thing.
You feel what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Which is like, which that's what I joke.
I like stories.
I like telling stories.
I'm not like a, I'm not really a one-minute guy.
Yeah.
I like trying to build.
I'm learning too, bro.
Cause like one thing I really like right now that I'm doing, it's trying to build a world around something that I'm talking about.
Like trying to give you like a picture of what I'm trying to paint for you to see.
So that's that.
And that's what I'm learning how to do like right now.
Do you talk about your basketball coach?
Yeah.
Well, not yet.
But I'm trying to figure out how to do it.
Man, what happened?
Who is your basic?
My basketball coach was on crack.
My basketball coach wasn't.
I had one on, I had one on crack and I had one coach that just hit it.
All the people guiding your life have been like extremely worked out.
The best and the funniest shit is I never forget his name.
My basketball coach had is a chair, a basketball.
No hoop.
Just a pass.
That's it.
And it was flat, deflated.
No air in that bitch neither.
So what happened?
What happened?
Nah, so I had a coach named Wally West, and he was on crack.
He's the only coach that ever believed in me.
Only coach that was like.
Only coach, the real deal was like, Cam, he told me, I swear to God, he said, Cam, if I had you all four years, you would have been all-American.
I swear to God, you would have been.
But you might not be that good at balloon.
So only guy who believed me, I'm telling you.
I don't know.
He played in the lead.
He played in the lead, all which lead.
NBA.
He was on the practice screen, but he was there.
He made it.
He was like, he was like, he was like 6, 11, tall as shit, but a crackhead.
Like, on crack.
He was like, man, I'm telling you, all for you to be a fucking all-American.
I promise you that.
And he walked away.
And another coach came up to me was like, I just want you to know, Cam.
Did he say that accent to the people?
Nah, but he was like, he actually smokes crap.
Like, this is a real crackhead.
Yeah.
For real.
The school would employ him.
Yeah, nigga, he was the best basketball coach and the volleyball coach.
Yeah.
What did he know about volleyball?
Nothing.
Nothing.
He knew shit about volleyball, but he gave him the job.
And my other coach, the head coach, just hated me.
He just wasn't, he just didn't fuck with me.
Why?
Well, I did a couple.
I was.
Well, at one point, we was like, I was on, I was on JV, right?
And I was off on JV.
I was like the gallon JV.
I was also 18.
But that's not the point.
I could have made a team at 18.
No, you couldn't have.
JV, 18.
I was amazing.
What are you talking about?
I was amazed.
I was talking about 20 points of games.
You're scoring on freshmen in high school.
You could serve in the military.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, that's not good.
That's not impressive.
I was amazing.
Yo, I can't make it there, coach.
I got drafted.
To the league?
Gotta go to Afghanistan.
I apologize.
I was amazing, dog.
I was fucking great.
But it was a situation where...
You got him.
You got him.
No, he doesn't.
I promise you, you don't.
By the way, he walked.
I was dead.
I promise you.
I promise you, you don't.
No, you didn't.
I'm on your head, dog.
I'm like, really?
There's no way.
You might be like scrappy on D or something.
I'm going to cross over.
You're going to be over here.
I'm going to practice all-star, dog.
Yeah.
No, we're not practicing, though.
No, no, one-on-one.
It's damn near practice.
I never lost a one-on-one game.
You know what?
In your life?
Never lost a one-on-one.
I'm beating NBA players one-on-one.
I'm just getting money.
You're beating NBA players.
I got a badge you don't beat me.
I beat the number two draft pick.
I got a badge you don't beat me.
The best college players.
I got a badge.
You don't beat me.
I got $1,000.
I'm going to beat you in basketball.
He's going to be a beat.
$1,000.
He said a badge.
I'm like, I know you know that.
He's like, news.
He's like, cold play.
Hey, hold on.
I'm not going to fucking bad.
I'm going to go bad, man.
He said it like he was so good.
$1,000.
$1,000.
Okay, $1,000.
$1,000.
$1,000.
I don't beat you in basketball.
I bet money.
Your hands are too small, bro.
You can't even fall on a basketball.
There's no way.
Look at me.
Dead ass.
I swear to God.
$1,000.
I swear to God.
We're playing.
Yeah, I'm playing hands.
Next time I'm in Austin, we'll play.
Let's play.
Yeah, I swear to God.
I believe you.
You've seen it a lot of times, which makes me think you didn't think I was going to shake your hand.
No, I know you're shaking now.
He's shaking.
You fucked.
I already got a piss and this coffee's on my hand.
Two things going on right now.
I got to leave.
Clear the bank.
Hey, move the money.
Move $1,000.
Move the savings to Charlie's.
Don't let him touch it.
Don't let him buy no furniture.
I need that, though.
Now we got it.
We're going to play.
And when Derek, real quick, Derek's going to be the referee.
Renters in America00:07:46
Go be.
I'll beat you to the story.
You're fucked, man.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second because I think we got to talk about America.
And when I say America, I mean energy.
Okay.
It takes energy to become the greatest country in the history of the world.
It takes energy to create the greatest economy in the history of the world.
It takes energy to create the greatest people, the greatest culture, the greatest ideas, the greatest innovation in the history of the world.
Okay.
How are you going to do that?
I know how I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do it by a veteran-backed energy company because veterans know about energy.
They've been around the world.
They try all the beans.
Okay.
We go, we conquer a country.
We see what kind of beans they got.
These guys are the first ones on the bean fields.
Okay.
They've tested them all.
All right.
They know how to stay awake.
They got to stay awake for 36 hours to bomb a nuclear facility in Iran.
You think you're doing what that's with some French caffeine?
No.
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What we're doing is we're connecting all the resource sources from the countries we destabilize.
I'm not saying that these guys are doing it, but who knows?
Okay.
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That's blackriflecoffee.com.
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God bless America.
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Now let's get back to the show.
Oh, wait a minute.
What is this?
What is this?
What y'all find?
Oh, we got some highlights.
This is me.
Hold on, hold on.
Y'all have this is me?
Oh, hell yeah.
This is good, man.
You're lefty?
No, three.
What about anything I do?
Just know you shoot.
Just know you're fucked.
That's all my highlights, by the way.
That was it.
He put me out of the game after that.
He put me out of the game immediately after that.
Hold on, go back to this.
I got pulled out of the game immediately after that.
Let me see how excited you are after hitting it.
Oh, no, you're cooked.
You think so?
Yeah.
You putting your hands up like Mark's shooting?
Give me the ball.
You got to stand so no.
The real shit.
Oh, actually, I have a let me tell y'all this shit.
This is perfect.
So that team we play, right?
That's Winnie Mitch.
That was their first year being like a school.
What number are you?
I'm number four.
Okay.
I'm not in the game no more.
I told you.
I made that shot.
I got pulled out of me.
Wait, why?
Huh?
Because my close fucking hated me, man.
He fucking hated me.
So this real shit.
That school we playing, that's Winnie Mid, their first year being like a school and shit.
Yeah.
And then, but they're like, they're good.
Like that whole team was pretty nice.
And we played them at their first home game ever.
Like as a school.
And just imagine like a movie basketball game.
Yeah.
Like everybody's shit.
Everybody's there.
It's sold out.
Like all that shit is full.
Every school in Orlando was built the exact same.
Like every gym.
Yeah.
So like this gym.
That Jenjo was hoop.
Who's he?
Oh, Jenjo.
He was five, dog.
Yeah.
He was five.
That's my game, Mort.
Like, look at it.
That's all I got, man.
That little hitch in your jumper.
I'm really like, that's not good.
That little hitch.
Give me up.
That's not it.
Yeah, this is hear me out.
That's not your shoulders.
No, I don't care what you say, you're fucked.
I understand that.
Remember how confident I am about this?
He's fucked.
I don't even know if you're really a lefty.
That's how ugly that shot is.
Have you tried to shoot with your right hand?
Have you tried to shoot with your right hand?
Shoot both hands, nigga.
Exactly how we do.
So it's the first home game.
The entire school is showing up.
Everybody's bleachers.
Everybody out there.
It's insane, right?
And they're supposed to be blowing us out by like 100.
They're a way better team.
They're supposed to be beating the shit out of us.
And I, the funny thing about this game is I knew I wasn't going to play.
Okay.
I know for a fact I'm not getting in the game.
I'm at Walmart lines and drawing that I'm in the gym.
I'm just happy to be there, dog.
I'm just excited to be in the gym.
And so the game's going on.
It's close.
And I'm very happy because I'm getting to watch this close game.
Close as shit.
I'm like, hell yeah, dog.
I got the best seats in the house.
I'm having the great.
This is amazing, dog.
And we're really competing with you.
I'm just for the team.
I'm just excited, right?
My shoes, not tied.
Like, I'm like, I don't even know if my jersey under my shirt, under my Walmart anymore.
I'm like, I'm just happy to be there, right?
And my coach called a timeout.
We're down by one point.
That's my one point.
It's four seconds left on the clock.
Four seconds.
I haven't played the whole game.
Coach called a timeout.
They inbounding the ball.
He said, hey, Cam, get in.
I say, huh?
He said, come here.
We're putting you in the game.
He calls, he said, listen, hear me out.
In front of the whole team, he goes, listen, hear me out.
When they inbound the ball, I want you to steal it, score, we win the game.
Hey, I swear to God, I haven't played the whole game.
He looked at me down my face.
He goes, listen, OC, steal the ball, score, win the game.
If you don't steal the ball, foul immediately.
I say, okay, I got you, right?
I'm thinking, my brain goes, this is my Disney.
Like, this is my Disney moment.
Like, I'm going to score.
I'm going to get a scholarship for this.
My life is finna change, right?
We beat the team 1.
It's going to be amazing, right?
I go to get the steal.
I don't get to steal, obviously.
I go to foul, four seconds left, no time on the clock.
Time runs out.
Nigga throw the ball in the air.
They storm the court.
I'm sitting there.
I'm mad.
I like, I think I fucked up for everybody.
My coach lit me dead in my face.
And he go, you the fucking reason we lost.
You a bitch.
And then that was it.
That was it.
That was the cracking.
Coach that believed me.
That was the head coach.
You the reason we lost the game.
And the cracking came up to me.
He was like, you fucking won the game.
Cam, you're the hero.
Cam, you did it.
You fucking.
You did it.
I missed it, but you did it.
You fucking did it, dog.
Look at all these fans.
They so excited for this.
Nigga, you did it.
They had the wrong jersey and themselves.
That's amazing.
You changed it.
They looked at me down and face like, yeah, nigga.
Who are these coaches?
Like, how do these people, you hear these stories of coaches being like brutal to manually?
At the end of the day, it's high school kids.
How did that happen?
You were in that position where you could just curse at least.
Senior Year Dunk00:14:59
He was an adult at the time.
That's how I coach I was at LA working on my taxes.
You bumping him in the HR block and shit.
But I was, that shit, man, that nigga hated me that whole year, though, dog.
I had a homeboy.
Why?
Were you 18 at the time?
Were you like?
I was 18, turning 19.
I failed a great shit.
This is JV.
I'm on varsity at this point.
That was varsity.
That was bars.
Imagine being 20 on varsity.
But that would be crazy.
I'm making the other team's moms and shit.
And everybody that scored on that team, like Jenzo and them niggas, they always like, them niggas was sophomores.
So I was the senior.
That kid number 10 was a super.
Was a sophomore.
Super senior.
Did he go play ball in college or anything?
I think he went like Juco for a minute.
I don't know what he, I don't know what he's up to now.
But a lot of them people on there, a lot of that team, they were really good.
Yo, This is like the dumbest question, but it's going to go somewhere.
Do people in Orlando go to Disney World?
Is that like, or is Disney World like us going to the Empire State Building in New York?
No, what the fuck?
So you never go visit it?
Like when you were kid, so it is fun as a kid to do it.
It's not looked at.
You doing that shit like when you're older?
I think that's just gay.
Okay, there is okay.
So Mark has this point.
Okay, okay, okay.
This is actually good that you're here for this.
Disney adults, Disney adults.
Miles believes that Disney adults are like mature intellectual people.
And was that the argument you were making, Miles?
Yeah, you got it.
Let me not put words in your mouth.
No, you got it.
You got it.
No, let me not.
You tell me.
You tell me.
I just think Disney is a nice place, and I think that adults go to enjoy it for different reasons than just childish shit.
Because they're pedophiles.
Yeah, they're vague.
Because they're pedophiles.
That's what they say to you.
So they can look at happy children.
They want to get drunk and go, that fucking kid.
Drink around the world.
Yeah, that's a wild.
You can drink around the world.
Yeah, you drink around the world.
That shit is actually kind of fire.
Hold up.
No, I'm not wife.
Wait, hold on.
What do you mean?
Hold up.
Come back to Miles.
They're all you know.
No, that's just sick.
What the fuck is going on better?
Still pedophilia bullshit.
But like, you can drink around the world.
For sure.
Okay, so you can still, you can go to Epcot.
Is that the one?
Yeah.
Epcot is okay.
You can drink around the world.
Yeah, that's cool.
And Epcot doesn't have risers.
There's no risers.
There's no kids.
You're getting fucked up.
Right.
So you're not into being around children sober.
I don't want to be around kids at all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm trying to.
Stop trying, nigga.
I'm tired of your bullshit.
Stop trying me.
I've learned it.
I've learned the media train shit.
You can't say retarded as much.
You feel what I'm saying?
Yeah, don't call people gay ass.
Respectfully, you got to say respectfully.
Respectful gay.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And nigga, you.
We got real shit.
We was in the end point of Austin.
You told me some real nice words, man.
I went home.
I called my dad.
I think you're fantastic.
I don't know.
My dog called me.
I was like, but that nigga told me he was like, he was a really fuck with me, dog.
Made the world to me.
Can I tell you something about him?
No, he smokes crack.
No, he's smoking cracks.
I got a severe cracker.
Hey, you hold it up real well, dog.
I guess it's a big fan of yours.
No, I mean that sincerely.
I know that, but it's funny that it's funny to be like, he's going to try to make you look like a complete fucking asshole.
You're a piece of shit for me.
I'm just making fun.
I love you for that, but you're a fucking piece of shit.
You're a bad guy.
You're born in hell.
I think you're super talented.
I think you're super talented.
I think you're super fun.
I think you're super funny to white people.
Yeah, you're right.
Hey, listen, that's that much shit, though.
No, I think you're fucking sorry.
I really don't.
No, I'm a big fan.
No, I love every that's.
I don't know why we're acting like I love you.
Yeah, we just love you, buddy.
Yeah, yeah.
But just watch them.
You think you can remember in a game?
Not at 41, but when 25, I think I beat it.
You cook them?
No, I'm telling you, nobody in this room would beat me, bro.
Like, that shit on you.
So, first of all, finding that.
Thank you for that.
I'm open.
Hey, read the caption, though, nigga.
You got to read the caption.
What does it say?
Yeah, nigga.
What is dot dot dot?
You know what the fuck is going on?
The two hands up looking for a pass.
That's what the fuck is going on.
Part of my old IG is diabolical work, though.
Read the caption.
Read it, though.
I love that picture.
Go back to the picture real quick.
That's me in my backyard.
Yeah, that's hungry right there.
Yeah, come on.
I was 18 then.
Jay-Z.
Just staring at some 13-year-old.
That's the only realized nigga.
Oh, this is fire right here.
She had that shit on it.
My mom dressed me.
No way.
What was you about going to sell bean pies?
You see that?
You see that chain I got on?
That's a community chain.
What do you mean?
What does that mean?
Me and my dog sharing that chain for him.
That's not my day to wear.
That is fire.
That's my day to wear.
That's my day to wear it, dog.
Hell yeah.
You got the flick off.
Come on, man.
Let me take a picture with a chain.
I will dunk.
I can drink.
By the way, I can dunk, by the way.
Really?
Yes.
That's impressive.
How tall are you?
Five, five, seven.
Really?
That's good.
Dunk?
Yes.
I'm an athlete.
If you could dunk, then there's a chance that you could be dunking.
I'm going to fuck you up.
No, no, no, no.
That's not going to happen.
Okay, no, no.
But I don't believe that you can actually dunk in a 10-foot round.
That looks like it's time.
I can't do it now.
But I could, yes.
Would you believe me if I told you that I used to be able to dunk?
Hey, look at me in my face.
Would you believe me?
No.
What if I told you dunk in games?
Five on five.
He was like back scratches?
Not back scratchers, but like I'll throw it down.
Yeah.
I saw him dunk on a kid that was about 5'3.
I gave him a 5-point.
You dunk it on me just now?
Yeah, it was funny.
I mean, it was game point to be fair.
Yeah, it was that's how we ended the game.
Oh, oh, we don't want to watch this with taken down.
This is just a number two draft pick, and I took him down.
But no big, this is the last person.
This is the last person that tried to challenge me in basketball.
How do you play, though?
That's Jay Williams.
You know who that is?
Yeah, I understand what you're saying.
And that guy's probably amazing.
Look at you.
I'm sweaty.
Dude, he's actually so young that that name doesn't mean anything to him.
Isn't that crazy?
Go back, go back.
Yeah, watch this.
Go back to, yeah, go to the end.
Go to the end right there where you see that hump.
Yeah, right there.
Look at him.
He tries to play me.
I don't play around when people try to play me.
That's the thing you need to know about me.
If you try to disrespect me, you know, bad things happen to you.
So Jay got a little cocky.
He thought he could disrespect me.
And defense is terrible.
You ever play defense with your head?
He tried to throw a ball over there.
I let him shoot that weak ass jumper.
I know he don't got the legs for it.
It's a long game.
It's tied up.
I pull up.
Brick, but whatever.
Hey, hey, what the heck?
But you got a bad brick.
And then it has to rebound.
You're going to have to rebound.
But what I told him is, I'm going to hit him with the Hesse and I'm going to hit him with the and see you later.
You're out of here.
We got to go to the premonition and then pull up.
And let me just make it dramatic.
And so this is what's going to happen to you, but you didn't play in the NBA.
So this is what's going to happen.
Back to me, full context.
It was a game to seven, and Jay Williams gave him six.
Listen, that's the what you want to give me six?
I will.
Put a thumb on it.
Hey, look, I'm a comment nigga.
I don't want to say that to myself.
Give me six.
That's crazy.
That'd have been crazy.
No, I'm not doing it.
That's a liar about it.
Last dude that did it.
Got it, man.
Why would I do that?
That sounded very good too.
Last dude that got it did it.
It does happen.
It does happen.
Last dude that did it.
Last dude that asked for it got it.
Did you ever explain why your coach didn't like you?
He just.
No, you said you did something.
It was not really.
It was.
It was a lot of situations where I was just like, not the best guy.
You feel what I'm saying?
Like, you're a smart mouth or what?
Not even, not even like a smart mouth.
It just like, I thought he was, I low he thought he was a bitch, respectfully.
Respectfully.
How do you do that?
How do you respect that?
But you can't really lie.
You can't really cuss him out and shit.
I just wasn't like, it was a lot of situations where, well, he did one time.
We were, he's real shit.
I had a homeboy.
He was like a star player, right?
We was insane.
We were both seniors, but he was a young senior.
He was like 18.
No, he was not.
It's like he's youngster.
Working 40 hours away.
He's a young senior, man.
It's crazy.
Three kids.
Young guy.
Young guy graduated.
Young guy graduated.
He senior graduated on time.
One of them youngsties.
He was like, she was like, he was like a.
He was like, Jeff turned 17.
And I've seen you like, you know what I'm saying?
And he was dating a girl who was like an old freshman.
Man, Cam.
Cam, just be careful, Cam.
It's too many Epsom files out right now.
That nigga was not me.
That nigga.
17 and 15.
But calling her an old freshman is funny.
What's an old freshman?
13 and three quarters?
You 14 if you're a freshman.
She was like a little dumber.
So she was like 15, one on 16.
Okay.
So it was like a 17 and a 16.
Yeah, so right.
Right though, right?
Yeah, it's probably Lily, a lot younger.
But for the story, we'll do 17 and 16, which is totally fine.
First of all, it's not me.
You're making it seem like I'm saying it's not.
It's that nigga.
You're right.
You're right.
Why am I so protective of you?
Yeah.
I appreciate that.
But like, soon.
Because I need my money.
Okay.
I need my thousand.
You're not going to win.
Okay.
So he was dating.
I was calling a pedophile all day.
Yeah.
As one was as one was one way.
I was calling him a pedophile the whole day.
You're on the right side.
You a pedophile.
You a pedophile.
Yeah.
You're a pedophile.
The whole day.
You get the study hall.
I tell him, I say, hey, man, did you know you're a pedophile?
In front of my coach, right?
Our coach hears me call him a pedophile.
He said, why you call him pedophile?
I say, dating a freshman, you're a senior.
It's kind of crazy.
Right?
My coach goes, yeah, nigga, he a pedophile, right?
Which coach is this?
Which one?
The coach that called you the bad word.
We had to punch the game.
He wanted to make in the game.
So he said, yeah, nigga, you a pedophile.
That's what he said, right?
So we get to the game later that day.
He is our leading scorer.
It's halftime.
We're getting beat by a team.
We should be blown out by like 40.
He's not producing anything.
He's not doing good at all.
And we get to, he scored like two points the whole game.
My coach goes, I know why we lose.
I know exactly why we lose in the game.
It's because Cam McCall Jamel a pedophile all day.
He's a bad teammate.
That's crazy.
He's a bad teammate.
It's his fault.
I'm telling you something.
Hadn't played the whole game.
You haven't been in the whole game.
Right.
Not at all.
It'll be shit like that.
He just don't.
So he would just blame everything on you.
Yeah, everything like it.
For real.
But then I got in that game.
And then after the halftime, I got in.
He got mad.
We were losing so bad.
He quit coaching.
He sat in the bleachers.
He's winning Sat in the bleachers.
I swear to God.
This guy's awesome.
This guy is amazing.
Saxon got a cool coach.
He said, You know what?
Y'all want to coach ourselves?
Coach ourselves.
Then fuck it.
Went sat in the bleachers.
Listen to coaches.
Like, fuck it, Cam, get in the game.
So I got in the game.
And I was so nervous that we were working on skip passes a lot.
And so I tried to throw a skip pass.
The dude jumped it.
And you know, like the baskets that like aren't in play.
Yeah.
They want to fold it out to the same.
Yeah, but they were down this day for some reason.
And so I just launched that bitch to the other basket that wasn't in play.
And I got pulled.
Oh, no.
That'd have been cool.
I got pulled out immediately.
You just chucked it off some shrimp.
Yeah, it was bad, dog.
And you can find that.
I posted that somewhere.
It's like on TikTok or something.
I posted that.
It's bad, dog.
Come on, you're blaming it on the skip pass.
Yeah.
Well, no.
As a coach's fundamentals.
It's his fault.
He told you to skip passing.
I blame Kosar for all my mistakes in life.
That's his name, Kosara.
He's a real bitch.
One time I told her, I told me my own boy, he a Christian rapper now.
I told him, we say, what's his name?
Caleb Gordon.
Let's look up Caleb Gordon.
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
He's amazing, dog.
And so we were both on the team and shit.
We came into practice.
Both didn't play.
Both didn't play at all.
It was like, yeah, coach, you know, I think we're going to be something in life, though.
That's it, right there.
I said, I think we're going to be something in life, though, bro.
So, I think what you should do is you should get pictures of us and you should put it in the gym and let people know that we went to school.
Oh, I love these stories.
I love these stories.
My coach lit me down.
He looked at them out.
I swear to God.
He looked at them out face.
He goes, You know what?
That's a great idea.
I'm going to get two pictures of y'all.
I'm going to print them out.
I'm going to take them to the gun range and I'm going to shoot him until I get a bunch of people.
Wow, that's crazy.
And then get more bullets.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
You didn't see that coming.
What did you think he was going to say?
Well, I thought you now are in the school because you're so successful.
Caleb's so successful.
He's doing great.
And no, we're not.
He goes back all the time because, you know, he's a Christian rapper and they really fuck with that.
Babe, my time.
Nah.
Yeah, your coach sucks, dude.
Yeah, I mean, you're a bad guy.
One thing he did say, one thing he did say that was that I think about a lot.
Two things he taught me.
Yeah.
One thing he taught me.
I always make my bed because of this guy.
You always make your bed.
Yeah, because he always would say, if you start some day making your bed, you always start with a win.
That's something you would always, I like that.
So I do that because of him.
And he would always, he would always be like, you know, I'm always right.
I'm never wrong.
I'm always right.
He said, you a fucking terrible basketball player, but you funny as hell, man.
They said shit about coming.
We say you funny.
You should do something about being funny.
He said that.
Yeah.
That's pretty cool.
Real shit.
So maybe he was trying to force you out of basketball.
I mean, that's why.
So you can focus on your true gift and passion, which is comedy.
Yeah, but I didn't know that.
You trying to kill my dreams, you dirty bitch.
My dream is to play basketball, dog.
But he's always right.
You're a terrible basketball player.
So you're a terrible basketball player.
Better than him.
Do not be surprised.
Do not be surprised.
I'm telling you.
When I bring your ex-coach to coach me.
That might happen.
He might be there on the side.
That might be the.
I'm going to lose.
I'm not going to win.
That's some psychological warfare.
I've brought your pedophile friend and he'll have like a school of children with him and said, you spoke this into existence.
Therapist vs. Basketball Dreams00:12:13
This is all you.
I didn't even want this life until you told me you did this.
It's possible.
I'm going to play fucked up psychological warfare guys.
I'm excited because you're not going to win.
We'll see.
I mean, we're going to see.
Next time I'm in Austin.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
You see the lights.
You already know what time it is.
Blue Chew.
Blue Chew.
It's summer, guys.
Summer dick is hot and sweaty, but it's not always stiff.
Obviously, there's a lot of things that are going in your system.
I'm not judging.
You might be stressed.
You might be sad.
You might be depressed.
If Fall's about to be here, there's a lot of things that are going on up here, and you don't want to have to worry about what's going on down there.
You want it stiff.
You want it hard.
You want it erect.
And that's what the girl in your life deserves or the dude in your life.
You know, no judgment.
You do whatever you need.
You put that dick wherever it is allowed to go consensually.
Okay.
Point I'm trying to make here is Blue Chew has got your back.
It's got your back so much.
You're going to get your first month free.
All you got to do is pay $5 shipping.
Same act of ingredients inside Viagra or Cialis, but this is the Chew, the one that we rock with, the one you're going to stay rock with.
You're going to go to bluechew.com.
You're going to use the promo code Flagrant.
You're going to get that first month free.
Just pay the $5 shipping.
You are welcome.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
I want to shout out Talkspace.
Why?
Because they were so unbelievably ahead of the curve.
It's amazing.
When they first started this company, this idea of like doing a FaceTime or a Zoom call with your therapist was absurd, right?
We were so like locked into our habit of going to some shitty apartment building and walking into some tiny little closet room that had an adjoining bathroom and a small waiting area where you heard a couple fight before you walked in.
And then you poured your heart out.
You walk out crying.
There's four people judging you.
Very uncomfortable.
Not the ideal space to get therapized in, okay?
Talkspace went digital.
COVID happened.
And now this is the only way people do therapy.
I mean, maybe not the only way, but for the majority of us, this is the way that you do have your conversations with your therapist.
It is so easy to get started.
You can easily sign up online, get paired with a licensed provider, typically within 48 hours.
And Talkspace makes it getting help convenient.
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You can even talk it out between your sessions, sending text messages to your therapist.
Listen, I cannot tell you enough the ease of this, the ability to get connected with different therapists.
Most people go, I don't even know how to get a therapist.
You have to like ask a friend.
Your friend can't give you their therapist because they're like, shit, I told that person, you know, all the horrible things about my friend.
I can't have them talking to him.
It's too, it's too much.
It's too inside.
This is where Talkspace can help you out.
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And as a listener, this podcast, you're going to get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com slash flagrant.
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How'd you get the movie, bro?
She all did something?
Oh, just straight audition?
Oh, wow.
Nah, usually some people got it.
Sometimes, and I'm sure this will happen in your career.
Like people would be like, hey, you'd be great for this role.
Can you do it?
No, that was.
That wasn't at all.
I don't act like I'm not a.
But you are, you have like a real star quality.
And like I said, I'm a fan.
You can do whatever you want.
And it seems like a similar career path to Chris Tucker, where it's like Chris Tucker starts stand-up.
He has five great minutes.
They're super funny, but it's like, all right, now what do you want to do?
You could just kind of do that.
You know what you want to do?
You want to keep cracking the stand-up, be the greatest ever, et cetera.
Or are you like, nah, being in movies seems way more fire.
Do you have any idea?
I like stand-up.
Okay.
I like movies.
Movies are nice, but I love stand-up.
Never leave stand-up.
No, never that.
I think it gets lost in the fact that it's kind of happened fast with me.
Yeah.
That people just think I just want to be like, people think I wanted it to happen as fast.
I didn't know you even wanted to act.
I mean, I'm something that just can't kind of happen.
He just kind of came.
And I was like, yeah, fuck it.
And what I did.
In the movie, he does have, I don't want to blow up your whole spot.
He does have a makeout scene in the movie.
Oh, what's his name?
I have a feeling that Cam would push back on that creative choice.
If they said, listen, you're going to have to have this makeout scene.
I bet money I would have quit the movie.
Y'all got it, dog.
They made me gay in a scene once.
For real?
They made me gay two weeks before they changed my character to gay.
They made the whole character gay?
Yeah, but like he was in the closet gay.
So he's like, basically, they call me.
This is like 100% true story.
This is when shit was going like, this is when shit was going like super, you know, whatever.
I hate this term, like woke everybody's new, but basically the guy who I won't say his name, but he's like a big guy, big actor and producer, whatever.
And he calls me and I'm going to use the words he used.
And he goes, hey, man, we got to make you a f ⁇ .
So, and I'm like, what?
What?
What do you mean?
We're filming two weeks.
What do you think?
You moved out to LA.
No, no, I was in New York at the time, but I was agreeing to move out.
And I remember I was walking in Union Square Park.
And then he's like, yeah, we got to make you.
I'm like, what do you mean?
He goes, he goes, there's not enough diversity in the movie and we don't want to recast you.
So we got to make you diverse in some way.
So you're going to be.
Swear to God.
That's what he said.
And then you.
Anything for Hollywood.
I was like, what do you want me to do?
He's like, nah, you don't got to do anything.
This is pre-Youtube, pre-Kill Tony, pre-like, you needed the industry back then.
Back in the day, you thought that was your career trajectory.
He was like, oh, you get it on the movie.
I was like, well, do I have to do any shit?
He's like, no, you don't have to do anything.
And then you actually, nobody knows you're gay in it.
That's like this, like, you're closeted.
Exactly.
And then, and then what happened is there's a scene.
This is, I bet this will end up on like one of the streamers one day, but there's a scene where, like, I think I've already put it up.
Did we put it up?
Yeah, we should.
I mean, I should post it.
It's hilarious.
But there's a scene where, like, I basically hook up with some guy or I get fucked by some guy in a bathroom, but you don't see it.
All you see is my hands go on a wall, and then it's over.
And then, and then they tried to, and then they tried to do uh, they tried to put this other scene where uh we were at some like party and it was like they changed the script the day of and they're like, yo, by the way, instead of you just hanging at the party like with everybody, we're thinking that like you would walk into this room and three guys would follow you.
And I would be like, That's not gonna happen at all.
But isn't that crazy?
Yeah, dog.
I looked up to you, man.
At one point in my life, I looked up to you.
You should never finally tell me that.
I gotta tell you what this industry is, bro.
And then I started posting clips on the internet, and I was like, I can't do this.
What the fuck?
It's humiliation ritual, bro.
Illuminati.
It was illuminated.
God, I came in after that.
But isn't that crazy?
Like, that's what's agreed to the one guy, but he's like, gangbang too far.
It's like, I can't be leading y'all into a room.
Like, it just felt too egregious.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Three niggas behind you.
Right.
You're smiling and shit.
I was like, nah, bro, that shit happened the fuck out of here.
I was just walking in there, dog.
Yeah, but isn't it like some producer and them had a talk?
Looked at you.
No, and then you get up.
No, they didn't even say that.
I looked at the script that day and I was like, what the fuck is this?
No, but that's what I'm saying.
They looked at you and said, yeah, train.
Yeah.
And I was like, that's fucked up.
That's disrespectful.
That's crazy, though.
Crazy, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You pull up to clip.
That shit is a little bit more.
I doubt it's even available.
They got it.
You found my jump shot, nigga.
You can find this clip.
If you found my jump shot, nigga, you can found find the clip.
Find that shit.
Please, God.
Please, God.
We've tried.
We have tried to find it.
I'm fine.
You'll find it.
I'm going to find it.
Bring it to Messiah.
And just have that play on some human beings.
Playing on a loop, nigga, just your hands and shit.
Yeah, so the whole time.
Play on the Demo John for your next.
This is so crazy.
That's crazy.
But you don't have to kiss guys.
Not fuck with the fuck.
No, respectfully.
No.
Would you play a gay character that didn't do anything gay?
He just was gay.
I'm cool.
Really?
Nah, mine.
I don't like acting that much.
Acting is fun, but I want to, I'm not going to go out my way to be a gay nigga.
I'm okay.
But like, you be gay.
Suck, nigga.
Have a good time.
You feel what I'm saying?
I'm just.
But you just wouldn't do it.
Yeah, no.
I wouldn't mind playing a gay character.
I just wouldn't want to do the kissing and that kind of shit.
But if he was gay, it is what it is.
You wouldn't care?
No.
If the character was dope.
Okay, thank you.
What if it was like you get to play Batman?
But you know, why would they make Batman gay?
Why would they do that?
Well, they'd make everybody something different now.
I think Snape is black.
Several Snape, Harry Potter?
I would play Black Snape.
I would do that.
Yeah, I would do that.
They did make him black.
Yeah.
Nah, I couldn't.
But you're early in the game, bro.
Don't worry about it.
No, I'm good.
They're going to try you.
Hey, shit, they better try because I'm not doing it.
Yeah, I was just saying.
They got to try to see.
That's what they could do, though.
You can go test you a little bit, but I'm not.
I ain't going to play that shit.
I'm okay.
Me, I was like, one guy.
Three is too much.
Which is one consensual guy.
Yeah.
And you was getting fucked.
No.
Yeah.
You had your hands on the wall.
You don't think I was cleaning the wall.
I think I was like, this doesn't look like a sterile environment.
Whoa.
No.
But I look like Cam for a jump shot.
I'll just take it over here, guys.
Please.
Watch out for Hollywood, man.
Where's this movie coming out?
Theaters, Netflix?
I think that's the thing.
I think theaters are.
I think theaters are tricky.
I think you can do theaters if it's Superman or like something big.
But not saying this is not big, but like existing IP that we were familiar with when we were kids.
But like a new concept, I want it to be the place where everybody already are.
You know what I mean?
I don't want you to have to get a babysitter, put on an outfit, and go to the theater, see it.
I want it, you're at home, and then it pops up while you're scrolling Netflix.
And then you're, oh, shit, Cam's in that?
Oh, shit, Kev's in that.
I want to watch that.
I think that's where...
No, I think it's going to be like, I think it's going to be pretty good.
I mean, everybody else is great.
Like I said, but I'm just not.
Learning how to act is fun.
It's pretty dope.
Yeah.
Like, I truly like enjoy it.
Are they patient with you?
Because I remember I did an HBO show.
They were not terribly patient with me.
No, very.
Do they let you riff?
Do they let you have fun?
It's riff city, though.
Really?
Sometimes the writers and directors are like, yo, I wrote this shit and I want you to deliver it.
Tim Story, he needs to direct on it.
And the whole time is like, y'all think that's fun?
Let's go with it.
Really?
Yeah, so it's a lot of creative like that.
I think that's pretty, it's really dope for me to have that as my experience for my first movie because it's not too light.
Like, it'll be scenes where I have like no lines and it'll come up to me and be like, if you feel like saying something funny for me, jump in.
And I've done it a minute.
He'd be like, yeah, that's like, we'll keep that.
Which is so light.
It's a blessing to be in a position where it's like, oh, like, is that opening for me, especially as a new.
Also, you've taken two months out of your life to do a movie.
And it's like, you make money on that.
I think a lot of people don't realize this.
Like, comics, now we can make money on the road.
Before we were making, you know, $1,500 a week and $2,000 a weekend.
Like, now we can make real money on the road to where being in a movie makes us lose money.
I don't know how much you're making, but I lost it for sure.
Compared to what you make on the road.
So it's like, you want to make sure you maximize that fucking experience.
Like, if you're there, shit.
If I'm in a scene, I want to say some shit.
I want to, you know what I'm saying?
Let it be known.
But it's like, it's a super dope time.
I really like just being everybody in there.
It's like, it's so helpful.
You know, my son done my SNL and then Kev is Kev.
White Cam's Job Offer00:09:28
Also, I ain't tell you, I did.
Mason Gooden Jr., Cooper Gooden Jr.'s son is playing like he in it too.
Really?
Oh.
So he's a great actor in his own right.
Yeah.
I'm surrounded by these phenomenal actors.
So it's like, it's dope.
I really like it.
Kev drop stand-up jams.
Y'all chop it up.
Does he?
Yeah.
It's funny, dog.
We be talking this shit.
And it's a line in the song that I like a lot.
It's Jack Harlow with Drake Church at Down.
We say it's hard to chop jokes when you really do want advice.
Like we joking and shit like that.
It's like, nigga, I really want to be like, nigga, tell me everything you know.
Nigga, I look.
Soak up the game.
He's been there.
Yeah, because I mean, it's be 100%.
He's also popped early.
And then had the star dim and then come back and become Kev.
So like he knows all the every step of the way.
And it's like, I mean, I looked at him nigga my whole life.
Yeah.
So being able to be around that nigga every day is like, it's insane to me.
Yeah.
And it's hard to be like, nigga, it's all not to fan out.
Like, nigga, you.
What's the best thing he told you advice-wise?
Have a plan.
Not even that.
I mean, it's not even too much like just, I think watching is more than anything.
Just seeing how he moves.
More is caught than taught.
He don't, yeah.
He don't, he don't stop.
So being able to sit there and just watch it, he talks and he gets us game and shit like that.
But it's more of like just seeing like the work ethic I thought I was gonna see and then knowing like, no, this is exactly the same.
This is it.
This is what I want to do.
You feel what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And it's dope, bro.
Were you nervous the first time you met him?
Nah.
I can't say I was.
Nah.
Who'd you meet at the mothership that you were nervous about?
Rogan?
But even like, even then to get to a point, I just try to tell my brand, like, man, we are people, nigga.
Yeah.
You feel what I'm saying?
Had you met him before the Tucker Carlson moment that went viral?
Because that, there's a moment.
I talked to these guys about it, and I think I talked to you about it.
Yeah, that's what I have.
This moment, I don't think people understood how impressive this moment was with you and Tucker Carlson on Kill Tony.
Had you met Joe Rogan before that?
And then we'll talk about the rest of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you and Met Joe, okay.
But Joe Rogan is there.
He brings Tucker Carlson.
It's Kill Tony.
Cam is going up.
Here's where I don't think people appreciate how dangerous of a position you're in.
Tucker, you give him five.
If you just let it slide, black people are going to look at you and be like, he's corny.
He's this, he's that.
If you say something like, fuck you, I don't like you.
Everybody in the room and probably Joe Rogan who brought Tucker is going to be like, what are you doing?
And so you give him five.
You go, this crazy.
My grandma hates you.
And I was like, that's the perfect thing to say.
Now you, nobody in the room is uncomfortable.
And any black person watching is like, nah, he addressed it.
And then Tucker tries to get you to backtrack and goes, nah, she doesn't.
And you go, yes, the fuck, she does.
So now you double down.
You got two laughs.
And when I saw that moment, I was like, dude, this kid is nice.
And I called him a fuck nigga.
It's such a like a non-offensive thing to say.
It was like, man, you handle that so fucking perfectly.
I'll tell you right before you play, the funniest shit is, I didn't know who he was.
Oh.
So I didn't know who he was.
And everybody in the green was freaking out he's on the podcast.
And I called my dad.
I said, hey, Pops, who is Tucker Carlson?
My dad go, he a fuck nigga.
And your grandma hate his ass.
Thank you.
All I needed.
That's it.
There you go.
But this is, yeah, this is impressive.
Fair play.
Cam Patterson.
Tucker Carlson, high five.
And this is.
Yeah, it's crazy.
My grandma hates you, nigga.
So good.
Joe Tyron.
She doesn't mean it.
Yeah, the fuck she does.
Yeah, she's done.
I'd heard your name.
I saw your first clip.
And then when I saw that, I was like, nah, this kid is nice, dude.
Thank you, man.
Again, that was a position I don't think people appreciate how fucking well you handled it.
I really, I really enjoyed that.
That was dope.
Yeah.
That was a good one.
I want you to bring back Cam and the whites.
I want to, but it's just a...
Did you ever see this?
This is a series Cam was doing where he was just doing white shit and trying to experience all this white shit for the first time in his life.
And he did a couple episodes.
I think he put out one.
One I won, it was Rock Climbing.
And people loved it.
It did good.
But I'm like, you need to do more of these.
Yeah.
Because there's so much more white shit to do.
People tried to make it.
The people around me tried to make it a TV show.
And I didn't know how to navigate that at the time.
What do you mean?
Like, I wanted it to be like just fast-paced, like, put me in a room with people and just show them what I'm doing.
And then I just, I just, it, I'll.
No.
But it was, it seemed that my dog Maverick and Louis McQuarry.
And the game, the idea was Maverick was going to be like my coach the whole time.
And then I would always bring out another comic on with me to show me the white shit.
Yeah.
And then today there would be like an exponent in the white shit.
And then they would show me like, this is what I enjoy doing.
And I would do the thing.
The last episode we really shot was I went mountain bike riding.
Okay.
I'm fucking pretty good at it.
Yeah.
By the way, like five.
I took my homeboy white cam with me and that nigga was terrible.
Yeah.
He kept falling and shit.
But it was like, it just seemed too white cam.
So I moved, when I, when I moved to Austin, white cam was already there.
Yeah.
You feel what I'm saying?
And he started in Gainesville, but he um he went to Austin early.
And then by the grace of God, this is Cam the comic.
No, Cam, Florida guy, too.
Different cam, he's cool, Cam.
Yeah, that's cool.
Yeah, and then Cam.
Cam.
They tried to go black.
Hello, you know, we can't do that.
Claim it.
Claim it there.
Just Cam.
But so he, but White Cam had a job for me to work at and then a place for me to stay.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
But when I got there, so they was like, well, I just started calling a white cam immediately.
So everybody, it was stick in everybody's mind.
Like, that's white camp.
You got ahead of that.
Yeah, that's my white cam.
That's fucked, dude.
This guy gave you a job.
He gave you a place to stay.
And you just gave him the shitty name.
Tom Cam.
Okay, on White Cam's couch.
White Cam.
So it is.
Is there some white shit that you want to do?
Is there some white shit that you're curious about?
Man, it's an issue.
You had it done.
Like, what is what is something?
You got to go.
So white people shit is fun.
Try it.
No, it's all the white shit, by the way.
He's done more white shit than any of us here.
I want to ride a bull.
I want to do that shit too.
Right?
Oh, yeah.
Al did say that.
I want to easily stay on 8 seconds.
I want to be easy.
I don't think I can, but I want to try.
I want a slow bull, though.
I want one of them.
I ain't going to buck a lot.
Yeah.
I don't want to go through all the.
I think they call those horses.
You might want to ride a horse.
I want to see.
Put Cam on a baby sheep.
That's just women from San Antonio, right?
Okay, so bull riding.
What?
I want to ride a bull.
I don't want to scout out.
That's the shit I want to do.
Well, I want a fence.
Fencing sounds cool.
And singing.
Fencing sounds.
It sounds fun.
Fences sound funny.
Shit.
I fucked somebody up and fence.
Believe in that.
What else white people do that I want to try?
I want to experience baking with an old white grandma.
I think that'll be fun.
I would enjoy that.
Yeah.
I don't know if she would.
Yeah, she might not, but it's fine.
It's okay.
My house or whatever.
She be out there and you're inside.
That's kind of crazy.
I want an old C-9 old lady too, dog.
She just forgets you're there.
Oh, no, hold on.
Okay, okay.
Cookies, cookies.
Oh, my God.
How much longer are we doing this?
I said chocolate chip.
Not chocolate, nigga.
What are we doing?
What's going on?
All right, what about travel?
Any places that you really want to go to?
No, I don't know, man.
No, not really.
My mom's a flight attendant.
Nah, I'm okay.
Yeah?
Your mom's a flight attendant?
She traveled a lot?
Nah, not really.
Okay.
I mean, I traveled enough when I was younger.
I went to Hawaii.
Yeah.
That's why I really knew I could be a thug.
I did two things I knew I couldn't be a thug.
I knew I went to Hawaii as a kid and had an allergist.
I came there.
I laid on my back and nigga picked me with some shit.
And they decided to have allergies.
I could be really outside for real.
It's calling outside.
Grass.
I'm living the grass.
I can't be outside.
Not my shit.
Your tour is coming.
You're going to get that opportunity within the year if you have.
And I've been to Canada.
I've been some places.
But it's like, I don't know.
I feel like Europe.
Yeah, Oh, wait, but yeah, I mean, yeah, when I get that offer, though, I'm saying that.
If it hasn't already, Amsterdam, all those places, you're going to have to do it.
I do want to do that.
But the weird thing is, I want to go around the country, but I don't want to go around the country for fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want to do it like stand-up.
Yeah.
I want to go places and do stand-up.
But everybody's been trying to get me to take a break.
I'm like, you fucking insane.
Run with it.
Don't take a break.
You're no.
Take a break when you're old.
No, no, no.
When I'm dead, I have some time to chill.
Is it different in New York versus Texas?
It's bad.
They're bad shit out here, but there's some shit out here, but I'm going to tell you something.
It's a different game.
It's some shit out here.
I ain't cracked shit yet.
I'm on the way.
Girlfriend in Houston00:14:29
What came out of the middle?
Yes, beat my meat a lot.
I've been locked here.
I love that y'all.
I love that.
That was great.
I've been locked up.
I've been locked.
I've been doing stand-up.
I've been doing this movie.
I've been beating the shit out of my man.
The dog.
She, I bought a bottle of loci.
Now I've been going to war.
You see me?
Miles that's cool.
Oh, shit out of there, dog.
Shit up out of there.
I've been going to war.
You hear me?
I've been out of time.
I said, You got to till it's a lot.
It's a lot.
I've been beat my meet a lot.
Do it two days?
No.
Two days?
You never did two days?
When I was young.
Yeah, you're now you look older.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think by 26.
My dick mad at me, boy.
My dick upset.
But also, though, bro, I've been like, I've been leaving.
I've been going back and I've been like, I cracked the bitch.
I had a girlfriend for a second.
So when I first got, I had a girlfriend.
Yeah.
And then my lady had broke up.
So I went back home, cracked my favorite whore at the crib.
Had to go fuck her.
That was amazing.
You know what I'm saying?
That's pretty dope.
Then I cracked another bitch.
How did she become your favorite?
She do a lot of shit.
Really?
Yeah.
And does she know that?
Is she like really proud that she's your favorite or she knows?
Yeah.
Orlando?
This Orlando?
Yeah.
Okay.
She knows.
You know what the fuck you did.
I came right there.
What's that?
On side, I know the fuck you are.
I love you.
Wait, what part of town?
What part of it?
She doesn't live in Altamont or Longwood or something?
No, you don't know it.
Shut up.
You don't know at all.
As long as it's West Orlando, that's fine.
West Orlando.
It's on my side.
I ain't never even what you're asking for.
Would that be a violation of respect to sleep with one of Mark's?
Yeah, we'll never do those shit like that.
I don't crack nobody's respect sister.
Now, if I don't, I don't respect you, then this is the fair game.
Yeah, that's fair.
Yeah, this is a gift.
Well, Miles and Mark are best friends, and Miles wants to fuck Mark's sister.
That's right.
That's not true.
What is that?
Yeah, what is that?
That's not true.
Yes, it is.
Why are you lying?
Can we talk about Disney or something?
Mommy got a lot of sisters, though.
That is a good point.
That is a good point that we should make: you and him are best friends, and you respectfully have an attraction to one of his sisters.
Or multiple or multiple.
Craig fans.
He don't just want to crack them.
He wants to be with her.
Yeah, more than him.
She's not that different, though.
Which is almost more respectful.
Yeah, that's respectful.
If you take her name, that's the closest.
You want to be in the family for her.
Yeah, he's trying to get a thing.
You really?
Yeah.
You just love Martha.
You want a fucking sister to get closer to Mark.
I see what's going on here.
That's my homie.
That's a dog.
Yeah, you.
Isn't that beautiful?
You trying to put your hands on the wall or something?
I'm open.
I see.
I'm going to go to him, man.
I'm open.
I'm open.
I'm off me too.
No, I mean, obviously, the sister that you were interested in is happily married.
Right.
Oh, has a child?
Has a child, so that maybe, you know, the cards.
Daddy, he had the energy, though, that he would take the child.
The dad's sister.
I think you would be a great sister.
With all due respect, I think you would be a great family.
Miles Gagnon.
Miles McCreer Yagna.
Maybe you hyphen it.
Oh, hyphen is cool.
Miles McCree Gagnon.
I'm telling you.
I'm just saying with one woman and one moment only.
You what?
Mark Smump.
That's where I'll take the last thing.
Whoa.
Hey, wait a minute.
That's kind of crazy.
How the fuck do we even hear?
Respect for Labor.
With all due respect.
Yeah, I respect her so much.
I would take her.
But you don't take her last night.
But that would make you my dad.
Accept that.
Oh, my God.
You the nigga with the producer tags, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I've seen that.
Yeah.
Miles.
Why don't you drop that producer tag that you really like?
Oh, with the.
Yeah, he's got a couple bangers.
Yeah, he got a couple.
I got a couple.
You can warm him up to it if you want.
Yeah, yeah.
Al, I'm sorry, Mark's mom.
All the respects.
Mark's mom, I respect a lot.
I think she's a lovely lady.
Yeah.
And you take the last name.
Yeah, but Mark's sisters are just great people.
Mark's brothers are cool too.
Yeah, Mark's sisters.
Yeah, you crack the brothers too.
We're going through the whole 11 year old.
This is insane.
No.
Wow, come on.
If you had to take a brother, though, win.
Yeah, now if you had to take a brother, Mike.
Oh, yeah.
You go, Mike.
Whatever.
Big Mike.
Yeah, 100%.
Big Mike.
Mike's way funnier than Mark.
He's going bar.
Mike's funnier than Mark.
Oh, you got an insult.
No, that is a fact.
I think in the hierarchy of Mark's siblings, Mark is third, fourth, fourth.
Funniest?
Yeah.
Not even close.
Yeah, Mike is absolutely funny.
Mike's so funny.
His sisters are funny.
Stephanie's funnier.
Everyone's funnier.
Damn.
Damn, right?
Wow.
You know what they're missing, though?
Didn't have a plan.
They didn't have that fucking plan.
They didn't need a plan.
They got to get themselves out of Orlando.
But with all due respect, I don't think you would be in anyone in my family.
Let me see.
We saw a few in his face.
Don't judge me.
But you described your type.
What is your type?
I like.
Let me get this out of the right.
I love black women.
But you got a starlight and let the bottle drop.
Hold on now.
Hold on.
I love, I love black women.
I would also like to say, me too.
I also love my women.
And let that be known on this podcast.
Oh, yeah.
I also love black women.
I love the ball.
We got to say it.
My grandma hates you.
I feel that.
I feel that.
But go on.
You love black women.
But you know.
I love that.
I like all women.
But I like hood, white hood.
Hood, white hustle.
So like a hand tie.
I know.
That feels like you like the white girls that get the same.
That feels like explaining.
That feels like aspartame.
No, it's not.
I fuck with it, dude.
But why, I don't know, but I just, something about them hoods, but she makes a nigga happy.
Wow, how?
What is it that they do?
I can't even express it to you, though.
Really?
I just see them and I go, yeah, but I also like, I like light-skinned women, like dark-skinned women.
My mom, marry a black guy.
I'm already got my wife picked out.
My wife already picked out.
She's in Orlando right now.
I'm just fucking hoes right now.
Now she's in Georgia.
I'm just fucking hoes right now.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Because life is good.
My wife already picked him.
Really?
Who's your wife here?
No, her name, Melisa.
That's a girl I think I'm going to marry in my life.
Oh, really?
I put her name out there, too.
Have you guys connected already?
Have you guys met?
You hung out?
Or is this like a person that you know of and you're like, that's going to be the perfect girl?
Nah, we dated.
We dated for three years.
And then we had broke up.
I got a new girlfriend, tried it out.
She wasn't one for me.
Great girl.
Just wasn't.
You know what I'm saying?
And then we recently started talking again, dog.
And she just, the thing I really fucked with her about is when I wanted to do, when I started doing stand-up, nobody, only my pops was like, really on board with the shit.
You know what I'm saying?
And she was going to school at the time.
She's still going to school, but she was like, she made it a point where I ain't had no car.
And it was slowing you down.
She was everything.
Wow.
Like everything.
And it was never a question on if it was always like, let's go.
Rock out.
Let's just do it.
You feel what I'm saying?
What's that?
Kanye line?
What it is?
Once you get on, you leave her ass for a white.
No, no.
Let me tell you something.
I tried that.
Oh, hey, listen.
I just told you I had a girlfriend.
Hell no.
I tried that.
I did it.
I did it.
I did that.
I did that to a T.
I said, yeah, for sure.
I'm going to try that.
Yes.
And then it was a mistake.
You're saying it was a mistake.
It just wasn't for me.
And it wasn't at the right time.
For sure, though.
Right.
But you still love Alicia and there's still a lot of love there.
Do you think that's going to be wife?
I think so, yeah.
I think if I really wanted to, like, I was talking about this shit.
I was talking about it yesterday.
I could really like start fucking holes if I want.
I don't.
I don't.
But if you did want if I did right now, and just I could have a perfect life with just Alicia.
Yeah.
Is there any fear that Alicia might meet somebody?
Yeah, that's the fear, dude.
I feel bad for that nigga.
Wait, wait, why?
Why?
Because he's fucked.
Because that guy's not you.
Yeah, he's.
Yeah.
He don't really have.
He don't have a shot.
Wow.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, she like, that's that's like my person.
Right.
You feel me?
Yeah, I do.
But there's always a concern, but you don't have it.
But no, I mean, I told all the time, like, go do your thing.
Please.
I don't want you to be in that way on me and shit.
If I, yeah.
You feel what I'm saying?
But also, it's like, I will feel bad for that nigga.
Like, respect, like, real shit.
You would feel bad for him.
Because he would, it wouldn't be.
Because she wouldn't have her whole heart in it.
Yeah.
That's what you're saying.
Got it.
And then if that hypothetically, hopefully it doesn't happen.
But if it did, would you be like, yo, don't make that bad decision?
Like, let's let's make this happen, you and I.
She gets engaged.
You stepping in before that and being like, if she's happy, I want her to be happy.
Wow, that's very good.
That's good for me.
I wanted to be, I wanted to be as happy as possible.
And I just know right now I can't.
I'm just outside.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I'm just.
You feel me?
But I do love that girl.
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
What about Latinas?
Yeah.
Into it.
Hey, hey, brother.
Who's showing you the most love?
Oh, that's interesting.
Oh, black girl.
100%.
And white women love.
White women love me, though.
Really?
White people love me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
White women scare me though, dog.
Why?
Because they're white women.
They're damned.
Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, it was scary.
Yeah.
It's like a thing that happens.
What happens?
What happens?
We know.
Yeah, we know.
We've all heard that Patrice joke at the very least.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why did you hurt me?
Why did you do that to me?
Yeah.
But you in Austin, you don't have that many options out there.
What it matters?
Isn't it just all white?
There's a lot of Mexicans out there.
A lot of Latinas.
I was surprised at the number of high girls and black dogs.
I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this.
Outside of Austin, but not really.
What's the area?
Round Rock, I think.
Round Rock.
But I go on the weekends, like on C Street, it's black people outside of a motherfucker.
But it's like, you know, it's like.
It's not Houston.
It's not Dallas.
It's a lot more diversity.
That's where diverse is shit.
Houston's, yeah, diverse.
Diverse as fuck, dog.
I like Houston, man.
Houston is great.
Houston's fantastic.
Does Houston have like, is there, I know they have clubs or whatever, but do they have the comedy scene that would rival any other place?
Or is it mostly just kind of.
Houston got good comments, though.
Yeah.
Houston has very good comments.
Yeah, like, yeah, but it's not.
The scene is not the awesome.
The scene is awesome.
So you got to come to Austin for the scene.
But also, like, you know, niggas made it out of Houston.
Like Ali Sadiq from Ali, yeah.
100%.
I got to try that nigga in my house.
Yeah, he's a legend, bro.
Oh my God.
I like Sadie.
He's awesome.
He was on air.
He fucking.
I love Shadi, bro.
He was phenomenal.
Great storyteller.
If that's another person, if we went to stories, I just hold attention, bro.
It's a different level of like, he's amazing.
Yeah.
It's cool to see him getting a lot of respect so long.
Yeah.
You feel what I'm saying?
Yeah.
That's why I love stand-up, bro.
As long as you keep going, nigga.
Yeah.
Yo, it's going to happen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you work.
If you got it.
If you have it, you work hard enough.
You know what I'm saying?
You keep going, dog.
Or you just don't have the drive for it.
Some niggas just don't want to.
You feel what I'm saying?
They want to.
They want to say that they're a comedian, but they don't want to do the work.
Sure, there's a lot of that, sure?
So what's the plan?
To lock someone down before you leave New York cracks or shit yeah, it's going.
What do you have game?
No, I don't like.
How do you solicit a woman?
I go, look at me, oh yeah, now you're super charismatic, off jump.
But then how do you close?
I'm not a good closer.
That could, I could see, because you're just a lot of energy.
I'm just i'm a ball energy and if she fought with it, she doing she don't, i'm shoot, i'm not really good at today.
They throw themselves at you something.
Do they have to make the first move or will you make the first move?
Women make the first.
I'm better.
Women make the first move because I can, kind of me go I I, I might come off too aggressive.
I'm excited about, i'm an excitable yeah, especially around polite women.
Yeah yeah, my game yeah, my game.
Pretty ass.
But with white girls, are you like you make sure they really make the first move.
They have to.
They're 100 happy.
Oh yeah, I don't even really yeah, but you gotta.
But you, why?
A white bitch gotta look at me, down my face and go, I want to suck your dick and I go, oh sure yeah, of course yeah yeah, but they gotta like, they really gotta like, make the move.
Yeah, so do.
Yeah, you need verbal, you need like a written confirmation of that.
Yes yeah, are you good on dms?
No, not even a bitch.
Gotta really like, shoot at me first dog.
You ever seen dick pic?
Nah hell nah respect, you do any of that?
Uh Shannon, Sharp Race Play.
No, how much do you think she got in that settlement?
I think five, five mil.
Yeah, that's what she's trying to get.
I mean, she asked for 50, and then they settled, and then she immediately posted that she was retiring from only fans.
Wow, bag secured.
How much was she making on only fans before?
Because there's a possibility you do that to save face if you didn't get much money.
Uh, to be like, oh, I got the bag now because if she's making like four thousand a month, then you could just be like, this ain't even real money anymore, but she's probably gonna make crazy money now that she's so famous.
Well, that's the tricky thing, is she though, don't you think I?
I didn't know who she was in the second she's.
You know, I kind of forgot about it until this moment yeah, so it's like that's the problem with them settlements.
It's a reminder.
I'm like oh, that bitch did do that.
I can't even picture her face.
Yeah, in my mind right now I, I can picture it.
Can you picture other parts of her?
Nope nope, on the face, just on the video.
Just the face you pulling her up.
She's not even that bad either, though I know that's crazy.
Mama Kicked Me Out00:15:05
That's what that really me up.
She looks like, she looks like a little boy.
Come on um damn, they really picked a picture of him that is not like, it's just not a good side-by-side smile like yeah, it's just not.
They knew what they were doing with that.
You know what I mean.
Have you done his show?
No no, I haven't done.
You for sure guy, really I still love the video of him on live.
Oh, that's my Michelle, that's my Michelle, that's my Michelle.
I don't know If he has enough drama to go on.
Shit, y'all don't do shit, yeah.
That's good.
Thank God, stay out of the drama, man.
Try to.
Yeah, I try my hardest, bro.
Yeah, I just uh, yeah, my life, my life is just a stand-up in uh this movie right now, which I love.
I'm telling y'all, but I really like even being on here with y'all and shit.
I'm gonna see y'all my whole for you, you know, you hometown hero, nigga, and then watching y'all since I've before I started stand-up.
Oh, so it's like a real, like it's it's so it's super dope how far I've gotten, and I really like, I really am thankful, yeah, to be in the spaces I'm allowed to be in because sometimes it don't feel real, of course, yeah, like even just even this shit.
It just I see how geeked I was outside.
Like, nigga, I'm just I feel like moments where it's not real, and it's took me 16, 17, 18 years, however long it's been.
So for you, it's four years, yeah.
I mean, you earned it, but it's like, that's a crazy thing.
Oh, it feels like a like, damn, like, yeah, what the light.
Because like you, you, you have a dream and you want to chase it, of course.
And then you reach and it's like, holy shit.
That's fire.
Like, my, my, my dream is coming true.
Like, the shit I prayed about and shit I like, and so I thought about it at night when I was like sitting on couches and shit and just like running around trying to get the shows.
Cause like niggas don't realize, bro, like when I, when I first started, I was so, my brother told me the shit out of the day, man, that made me want to cry.
Come, older brother, I love that nigga my whole life.
Nigga, I told y'all a story, but I love that nigga my whole life.
I wanted to be my older brother.
I wanted to be him, dog.
And the other day he told me, he was like, you don't even understand.
Like, you, you showed me how to go out this home.
Wow.
Like, watching you go out to the stand-up shit, dog, show me some shit.
Where it was like, he said, I realized, he said, I realized when I, at one point, every time he would come back home to Orlando, he would come to Orlando and shit.
He would always see me before I lunched with him.
He always made sure he saw me and shit like that.
He said, I realized when I would come home, like, I would have to, like, it was one point where, like, I only knew I could see you at an open mic.
Like, if you wasn't, if I wasn't coming to see you do stand-up, I knew I wasn't going to see you because you were just working.
I was just so locked in on it.
Yeah.
Like, so locked.
I would do, but I worked at the Publix, dog.
I would, I, I, I, I bed and plead for them to make me work, let me work overnight.
So I had time to do shows at night.
But nigga, I would do uh, I would work at Pudlix with time closing.
So what would the hours be?
So when I first got there, because I was brand new at Publix, I worked from like damn, like the mid shit, like five to eleven.
Okay, so like five o'clock.
Can't do any open mics.
Well, he would cut out on break.
What I would do was, I would, I would take a break late as hell, like eight, nine o'clock, and then I would go do shows, and then I would come back.
I'll be in my Publix, like my khakis and shit.
That was the first time I ever met Cam.
Yeah, like he literally ran up and he was like, hey, can I go on right now?
And everyone's like, yeah, sure.
And I was like, why?
He's like, well, I'm on break.
And I was like, oh, that's hilarious.
I go back to work.
He's like, no, for real, I'm on break.
Did the community appreciate it?
Were they like, okay, he's like, niggas really was like, oh, my bro, I'm a dog, Jar.
He was talking, he was like, I asked him, I said, like, he's going to roll me.
He's going to be over where I go.
And when I asked him, I said, did you see this?
Like, when you met me, you saw any of this?
And he said, to be honest, nigga, no, like, I thought you were just a fast talking little nigga who was going to stop in a month.
Yeah.
When you started coming on your lunch breaks, I was like, at least he cares.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, at least he cared about stand-up.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And so it's, but to be sitting with y'all and to be able to like.
So wait, what happened with the schedule?
So then you move your schedule to the nights?
Oh, yeah.
Then I just got out of here.
I got to work in the morning.
So I went from four in the morning to two in the afternoon.
I would be off, take a nap.
Go out every day.
Go home, sleep until like three, then go.
Move to my cousin.
My cousin was standing like the, I mean, the trenches too, nigga.
Like, I ride my bike to work.
But then my nigga, my niggas hate this shit.
Get drunk and I tell the story like a million times where I like, I was like, Y'all get it, bro.
I roll.
I'll ride my bike and shit.
And we had it.
But the best part about that, that bike ride going down through Paramount and shit like that was I passed three arenas.
We got three big arenas in Orlando.
Yeah, we got the orange, the Citrus Bowl, which I'll pass first, right?
Then I passed the, we just got a new soccer arena.
I'll pass that.
And the very last one I would pass with Dan Woodson.
Yeah.
I'll pass that every single way to work every single time.
Yeah.
I would always pass it.
I'll stop and I would go one day.
I'm one day.
Yeah.
One day for sure.
One day for sure.
Every time.
And I would tell my niggas, my niggas hate hearing that's because I get drunk.
I'm like, y'all don't even get it.
I'm going to bike to work.
I want to buy the perk for this shit.
You feel what I'm saying?
And it's, it's just, uh, but that was how that's how like locked in I was on this shit.
You feel what I'm saying?
And it's just to be to be doing it, it just doesn't feel real.
Yeah.
You feel me?
Yeah.
Like, but I. Even the shit you posted when you were the nigga made me shit made me cry with the uh when you was taking your pops to the garden to the garden this man cry bro.
You know, that wasn't actually my real dad.
I hired an actor.
Hey, that shit really fucked me up.
I was like, damn, that little shit.
Just some bullshit.
That was one of the coolest moments of my whole life.
No, yeah, that shit made me cry, bro.
But I relate to what you're saying.
And the one when you did, uh, the one you did when you went to the Toronto.
Yeah, that was crazy too.
Yeah, it's, it's, it's like, uh, it's a huge competitive advantage to be delusional with your dreams.
Gotta be.
And like, it's cool that your brother said that because I think a lot of people, maybe we take for granted that we can dream crazy shit.
And a lot of people don't.
And they need to see it happen to believe that it's real.
For sure.
And they almost need to see it happen to someone close to them because it's so easy when it happens to someone.
They need to watch it happen.
See it happen.
And then it becomes attainable.
And, but yeah, I think that's like my biggest competitive advantage my whole life is just like I would believe 100% that I could eventually do the craziest shit.
And when people ask me, did you believe this was going to happen?
And I'm like, yeah.
Like, I recognize it's crazy, but there was never a question in my mind.
So like seeing the garden or seeing those arenas, like it's such a, it's like a cheat code in a way.
But I walked Jolly in the moment.
I was too much in the comment nigga.
Like I walked Jolly in the street.
But we had an old mic that was right next to Dan Wilson, like right there.
Yeah.
And this was like when I was just learning how to do stand-up.
And I'm like, no, this is it.
I'm going to do this.
This is what I'm going to do.
I watched Jolly in the street, like in the middle of the street, and I said, nigga, we're going to set it up with you.
I pray to God you're alive, nigga.
But this is going to happen.
For real.
And I admit that.
And I stand on it.
You feel what I'm saying?
That was like a situation where it was like, yeah, I mean, but you got to be delusional.
You have to.
You have to be delusional.
Because we've chosen a delusional career.
Yeah, this is insane.
I'm going to go.
I'm going to go talk to people and be funny.
That's fucking psychopathic.
That's psychopathic in its own right.
So you already got to be a little crazy.
Everybody's already a little delusional to try to do it.
So your only way to get some sort of advantage is to be the most delusional.
I'm going to out delusion you.
Yeah.
And then I think there's a lot of people like, I didn't even know this was going to happen.
I don't fucking believe you for a second.
I don't like, there are some people like, you can't believe this happens.
Like, you fucking knew it.
We all fucking knew it.
And we were delusional and we chased after it every single day relentlessly.
You got to be delusional.
You was a bench player on JV and you think you're nice in basketball.
That's the delusion, right?
It's a real delusion.
I'm going to kick your ass.
I don't think you understand.
But I'm like a, I'm, I'm a, I was a big player on JV, yes, but I'm a really good basketball player.
I'll just freeze up.
I will freeze and clutch moments.
Yeah, yeah.
In the game, it's something I'm freezing, dog.
Yeah, you couldn't even foul a guy with four seconds.
I could do that.
Nigga, I pushed the shit out of that nigga.
I'm the rest of the ready to go home.
They do want to do that shit.
They got dinner.
They want to interact with their family.
They don't want no overtime for a bunch of shit.
Like, it was tired.
We tired this shit, nigga.
Not to mention every big moment you've had is cool because your family's there.
Like, your mom is so proud.
Oh, my God.
Every time I've ever seen Cam do it, like, he's about to perform MSG.
He's going up to the cellar, whatever.
All of a sudden, I just see his mom sitting in the back, just so excited.
Yeah.
My dad go everywhere, but my mom, because she didn't believe, she thought I was crazy.
But it's the funniest shit.
She's on a movie set the other day, and she was talking to the people, and they was like, did you see this?
Like, he's been, did you see this from your son?
My mom, I swear to God, she just goes, no, I thought he was going to be a PE teacher.
I was cool with that.
I was cool with him being a PE.
I just wanted him to be.
She always like, I knew he couldn't work like a regular job because he was energetic.
He just excitable.
And I knew he couldn't be in a cubicle.
So if he could just have something we can just have a lot of space and just move around and get energized, that's what I think would be great for him.
And she was like, but this is, man, my mom, when she told me, she told me she was, because she was so giddy.
Like, she used to be like, you, I'd be like, son, I'm so proud.
My mom talked like a white lady, like a real one.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, my mom talked like a, like, but I put her on the phone right now.
She sound like a real white lady.
Yeah.
And she was just like, son, I'm just so her being, she was just so proud to be like, because she didn't, she didn't see none of this.
Of course.
None of this.
My dad is also delusional.
Yeah.
But also he's like delusional where he's a fucking psychopath.
But my dad is.
He was like, I tell this story a lot on pods and shit, but it's like a situation where when I first started doing stand-up, my mama kicked me out because she was just nervous.
I wasn't doing it.
She kicked you out, you said, of the house.
But it was, I was 22, bro.
I was 22.
You were an adult living at home.
I was an adult living at home.
And I looked at my mom in my face.
I'm going to do stand-up comedy.
And I've only done it one time when I was 19.
And I've never done it since.
Now, you're 22.
You're starting stand-up.
Does that interfere with you playing JV basketball?
Yeah, that was.
That was probably the hardest part.
I don't know if you're practicing.
I just graduated high school.
Come on, please.
Give me some time.
But she, so I looked at her, I want to do stand-up.
And she was like, that's insane.
Like, are you fucking, are you crazy?
And then, so she was like, well, you got it.
I'm not going to, I'm not going to just let you live off me while you try to chase this insane dream.
And so she's sitting with my dad's house.
I was at my dad's crib for a minute.
I was sitting with my dad's couch.
And then she called him.
And she was like, she was just nervous.
She was just scared.
She was like, I don't know what he wants to do with life.
I don't know.
I'm just very nervous of what's going on.
And he said you want to do stand-up.
I just don't think that's a good idea.
And just please, my parents are going to get along.
But she was like, please, Kenneth.
She was on speaker.
I heard the whole thing.
She's like, if you could just please talk him out of it.
If you can talk him out of it, please do that.
And my dad said, I don't worry about it.
See, I talked to him, hung up the phone, and looked at me dead in my eyes.
I was like, you want to do this shit?
Go hard at it.
And I'm here for you.
Whenever you need it, I'm here.
I remember when I first went in the middle of me.
Yeah.
I remember she didn't believe in you, but I do.
Okay, so the funniest shit.
My first time on that one, doing Orlando Improv, right?
I sold it out.
And then my mom walks right by my dad.
She didn't say hi.
She was like, just walk right by.
My dad look at me and go, it's all this shit because of me.
All this shit cause I don't even get a thank you or nothing.
All this shit cause of me.
I mean this shit.
He was, I did this shit.
No, what did he do?
I'm not even going to say thank you or nothing.
Hold on, dance, y'all.
Oh my God.
Oh, that's a grandma.
I did this.
All this shit, please.
My dad, but my dad, the funny nigga, we'll go to shows and stuff.
And it's like my name on like a marquee or something.
Because he lived the dream, he lived the dream with me.
So he's like, I'm telling him all, he learned a lot about stand-up cousin me.
My dad thinks, my dad thinks, well, Kit Tony is huge, but he don't.
If you're not, if you haven't been on Kitoni, I'll know who you are.
Right.
He's like, that is the only thing that exists.
That's it.
That's all it is.
That's actually awesome.
Yeah, he has no idea.
My dad's a great dad.
Honestly, you feel me?
Yeah.
But he, I told him our story about the comic store and all about the selling shit.
My first time being on Marquette Comedy Store, he walked up and he seen it.
He said, man, that shit, that's my boy up there.
We said, that's amazing.
Plus, you know what's better?
That shit say Patterson.
That's me.
That's me.
Oh, your dad is hilarious.
You got to do a show once and just put Cam.
Just let him walk.
But he, but my dad, but he's so like, he's super invested.
Like, he's in.
He just coming when I cry and I crashed my car, bro.
I was like, yo, Pops.
Like, I ain't got no car.
Like, I don't know how to get.
I was just going to mics every night.
Yeah.
I don't know how I'm getting these mics, Pops.
He was like, nigga, I got, nigga, we got a car.
Yeah.
I got a car.
I mean, you got a car.
Yeah.
Oh, we good.
Nigga, we ran that car to the ground.
I wasn't good at driving.
And then my uncle, my uncle was a cracker.
He stole it.
How are you around so much crack, yo?
Oh, it's insane.
I know that such a crack problem.
This is where we grew up.
This is what we went to.
This is like the fact that we're even here is just crazy.
Me and my made it out of the mind bogging.
It's mind-boggling, dog.
My uncle stole to our RIP Uncle Hurt, but he got hit by a car.
Oh, no.
But he stole your car.
Yeah.
Or your dad's car.
My dad's car.
So you guys get the car back and you're still able to do the mics and everything.
No, no, it's gone.
That's why that's Christ.
That car was out of the.
What?
He sold it?
Soldier for crack?
Yeah.
You know, crackheads don't really sell cars for crack.
There's kind of situations where they like, it's like a rental.
Like, you can hold this car for like a couple hours if you give me this rock.
But then the car go missing.
Yeah.
You feel what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah.
So, but it was uh, it was funny too.
His, it was, he, he was so like fucked up on crack, dog.
My dad, my dad called him.
Cause my dad's a very trusting and like he just, he's a loyal guy to his core.
That's his whole situation.
Dad Sold the Car00:02:23
Yeah.
So he was, so he, my uncle herd called me, and my dad sitting right by me.
He got my dad's number.
The car was at the shop.
Yeah, worked on my uncle worked at the shop.
You know what I'm saying?
So he was, he called me and said, hey, give your dad the phone, man.
I got some bad news.
And I said, but you got it.
He said, man, give him the phone.
So I give him a dad the phone.
My dad go, what?
Huh?
What you mean, you heard it?
What are you talking about?
What you mean the car gone?
He said, he put him on speaker, and I heard just went, yeah, nigga, it's gone.
Where did it go?
It's gone.
Yeah, my merch was in the back of it.
All type of shit.
Your merch was in the back.
And they had to start making merch.
Hell yeah.
So those blue leg cam shirts might be legal.
They might be real.
Real.
Yeah.
Authentic.
Yeah, Camso Fanny with a microphone.
It was green.
My dad made me so proud of that.
Hell yeah.
Real shit.
That's how we knew who got the car because the car was gone, but we kind of tracked it to this house.
And then my cousin looked over the fence and my merch was over the fence.
No way.
But the car was nowhere to be found.
Did you go and talk to the family?
You know, nah.
Now, where was that?
What's very funny about this?
The people that stole your car resold it, but they kept that merch.
Yeah.
Like that.
And they hung it up in the high school right away supposed to go.
Cam Patterson, man, thank you so much for coming, bro.
Um, you're awesome, dude.
We wish you much success.
And uh, thank you, man.
Do we even know a time for release for this movie or it's too early to even think about that?
Too early, but I think like Rhonda Santa next year, next year, and you have tour dates on your website or anything on my website.
You can find me uh go check them out, and then you're on tour by yourself.
You also guys do the killers of killers, which is a fantastic idea, by the way.
That's all tony, though.
That's his brain chopping.
That's that's a great idea because you guys get to go on the road, get to do these amazing venues, but also you only have to do 15-20 minutes so that those people that see you go, Oh my god, this guy's hilarious!
I want to see him the next time I come back.
It's like you get to double dip on markets, it's such a great idea.