Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect Iran's geopolitical rise, the Ottoman Empire's Janissary indoctrination of Christian boys, and historical debates on ancient sexuality versus modern identities. They critique online conspiracy theories regarding plane crashes and Holocaust denial while analyzing AI's impact on trade skills over academic degrees. The hosts explore mental health through EMDR therapy for childhood trauma, contrasting American individualism with Scandinavian collectivism, and reflect on the necessity of community for longevity. Ultimately, the episode argues that true resilience stems from nurturing social bonds rather than isolation or material success. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Air India Plane Safety00:15:04
If you flown Air India once and that was your second time flying Air India, I'd have no sympathy for you.
I have no sympathy.
The planes are janky as like you'll see first-class seats with just like rips in them with duct tape over them.
So you already was the plane.
It wasn't pilot era.
How could it be pilot error?
You think they were saying something with flaps?
The guy hit the wrong button.
I decided I don't know aviation.
Yeah, is it possible Pakistan was involved?
That's what I thought immediately.
That kid said he wanted to become pilot.
Yeah, he's the pilot, Greg.
His dream job.
My only question is: how did that one guy survive?
I don't know.
How?
He said he jumped out.
And they for sure verified it was him.
They verified his passport, allegedly, verified his plane ticket, his name.
What are the chances they just grab somebody?
They're like, this would be a cool story.
So, like, I could buy an Indian passport at a vape shop.
So it's like, did it still be?
Have you seen how this has turned into a 9-11 conspiracy?
By the way, dude.
People online are like, because now you can see the building, it just looks like a plane with the tail sticking out of just like a two-story building.
That's right.
It doesn't penetrate.
It's just sitting there.
So they're like, how the fuck did you?
It's like a white guy trying to dunk.
I can't get to the rim.
So, oh, wow.
So they're saying there's no way that the twin towers could be.
How is it possible that this happened with these massive buildings reinforced with steel beams?
Well, luckily, we have two engineering experts on the podcast that we have history.
We're definitely Middle Eastern experts.
So how did the plane get stuck?
Can we figure that out?
The plane got stuck because all of the South Asian geniuses who were Indian are in America.
Brain drop all there.
We took all their engineers.
Brain drained.
So they couldn't even fly a plane through a building.
If you're a good Indian, this is the NBA.
Yeah.
This is the United States.
Like if you're a good black person here, yes.
Yes.
Indian.
Yes.
The best of the best get here.
Yeah.
Vince right here.
We got one of the benefits right here.
It's true.
Yeah, I do.
So I just think it was one of those situations where that becomes evident when they try to fly a plane and you're just like, I should have hired Aikash for that.
I also imagine Air India might be the type of airline where they just pack so many people in, like people are standing on the subway.
You know what I mean?
They have handrails.
And maybe that's how the guy got out.
He was standing.
Maybe.
I won't defend Air India ever.
Again, I've flown it twice and I've learned my lesson.
But there are, Vistada was a really good Indian airline.
And then Air India bought them.
And I was like, now because this plane is like the legitimate, like, it's a Dreamliner, right?
That's like a new age plane.
Man, it took off from Gujarat, right?
You don't know what kind of corners these motherfuckers be cutting on.
Seriously, right?
These Gujratis.
I mean, look at that.
It didn't even go through the building.
Yeah, we should look at the plane and how it started.
I want to look at this building.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess the Twin Towers of the building is mostly glass.
With, well, with why the Twin Towers?
Yeah, why did it just go right through the Twin Towers?
Oh, right.
Right.
Steel beams.
That's the thing.
Well, yeah, it went through the steel beams.
It went through the steel beams.
Maybe, maybe because I don't know, because here's the thing I don't know.
Remember, you're an engineering.
I'm going to say Chris Real and try not to blame Israelis.
He was rubbing his nose to the ship.
That's why I went through it because I'm not 100% sure.
I'm not 100% sure if the steel beams needed to be removed on September 10th for the Israelis to put the bombs over.
I don't know if I don't know because I don't know if Israel was able to wire that building with bombs before the question, obviously, young people.
So what's happening in Iran now, then, guys?
Let's just get to the, let's just get down to it.
And what are you guys doing for?
Yeah.
Iran is an inch.
Who am I real?
Who's the first one?
Yeah.
Yeah, who's the good guy and who's the bad guy?
I'd like to see.
Here's the thing.
I like to see somewhat of a fight with Iran.
Like, I kind of look at Iran as the pacers.
Okay.
They're the underdogs.
He's supposed to not like them.
This is a team.
This is a terrible idea.
I think that Iran has got some fight in them.
This is the most Andrew has ever cared about an issue.
And I love watching him be uncomfortable.
It's just because I'm invested and I have no clue what the truth is at all.
Everybody that I talk to says that they know exactly what's going on and they're completely different takes no matter who I talk to.
Because it's just like, what the fuck is happening?
Well, that's what timelines are now.
You go on one timeline, you get one thing, you go on another timeline, you get another one.
What do you mean by that?
What do you mean by that?
Your timeline's either going to go an echo chamber.
Yeah, it's an echo chamber.
Oh, okay.
I thought we were talking about like Marvel timelines.
Like there's some sort of like sound.
It's a multiverse.
No, you mean like your timeline, your algorithm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, got it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My algorithm is disagreeing with each other.
Yeah, yeah.
It's totally.
You go on one, you're like, okay, that's the truth.
And then you go on another, and you're like, that's the truth.
It's hard to know.
And I think it's funner that way.
Do you?
I think it's funner.
You want to get straight to the extremes and let them fucking fight it out.
Yes.
But does it not give you anxiety?
Or you can compartmentalize it and just be like, hey, I'm on the outside.
I'm not as rich as you.
If we die, we die.
Yeah.
That's when the devil's also getting rich.
You're our property owner.
You're a proper amount.
Also on YouTube.
New York Republic and YouTube.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
No, yeah.
It's the better you do, the more you get scared of World War III.
But that's why I like to stay in the middle because if you're not going to be able to do that, we asked ChatGPT before.
They did say there's no, World War III is not happening.
Chat GPT said it's not going to happen yet.
Yes.
Because that too much mutually assured destruction can't happen.
The only way they said it could happen, the only way they said it could happen, is if they said Trump decides to, or I'm sorry, Netanyahu decides to kill the president of Iran.
I can't say those names.
Khomeini, the lead guy in Iran, said if he drops him, then we're going to get close.
And then I shut down ChatGPT and I went in the New York Post and they said that Netanyahu said, I'm going to kill him.
He said he's going to kill the lead guy in Iran because he said he thinks it's the only way to stop the war.
I said, buckle up.
We're going into World War III.
And I agree with Yanni.
It depends on what timeline you're on.
It depends on what group chat you're on.
If you're in the group chat, if you're in the group chat that believes, you know, Donald Trump is king and you go protest.
Listen with Donnie flip-flops, man.
Listen, listen with Donnie flip-flops.
Donnie flip-flops.
I think that if he, I think if we do go into war with Iran, then I think he knows he can't do that.
Why does he know he can't war?
Because the support.
What are your boys saying right now?
What are your boys saying?
They're going Jews, Jews, Jews.
Laser Jews everywhere.
Running down fucking Jews.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
They may not be wrong.
What does the firehouse say?
What is the firehouse saying?
Ladder 14, the firehouses.
We know what Westchester said.
They're at the firehouse.
Down with Iran.
Yes.
We are, you know, also, I don't know if you know, a couple of firefighters from Vladimir.
We get all our information from a guy named Schmitty.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Schmidt, we got a lot of time at the firehouse, you know, waiting for a fire.
All I'm asked, I'm going to ask you this, right?
Tell me, how could they, you really believe that number six million?
Six million.
I mean, the thing, Schmitty took out the calculator, he said, and he knows something about fire.
Yeah.
We're talking about ovens.
What you got known is about fire.
That's a lot of ass.
You don't know about that.
Dude, you could never do $6 million.
That's like fucking $3 million a day.
There's no way it's $6 million.
You have to fucking cook the pizza.
You get one pioneer at a time.
You cannot get fucking 16 million people at a time today.
Okay, so maybe 10,000, maybe 5.
Who knows?
Everything happened.
Every book is happening.
Smithy opens.
You told us there's another number.
No.
What's the real number?
We know FOIA.
FOIA.
We know FOIA.
So that's what they're saying.
If it was Greeks, if it was fucking Greeks, they're combustible.
They would repel it.
They're combustible.
They know 6 million Greeks.
Then I could understand it.
They're combustible.
So you can get 6 million, but fucking dry, psoriasis, fucking Jews.
You can't burn those things quickly.
You ever try to get a cooking sticks on your fucking...
Ask your fucking boy Dub.
You can't burn that guy.
Yeah.
This is taking over.
That's the fire.
That's not us.
That's it.
That's 514.
There's a character piece.
That's nothing to do with it.
There's nothing to charge.
This is taking over every single aspect of the internet.
There's this guy that I follow, and I've talked about him before on the show.
He basically goes up to people who does kind of like man on the street content, but in gyms and asks people.
Sorry, I can't take you sad.
Are you having him be the straight guy?
No, I just haven't seen it.
What's even done to him?
I haven't seen conquistador face Andrew Schultz yet.
Yeah, this is last time I was here.
It was dictator without the fucking with that haircut.
Hello, my name is Ania Montoya.
You'll be in my father's fire from Spain.
The original people who brought Africans that created slavery, Spain.
I think we should just, you want to know about history?
I know whites are bad, but we're not, we're the worst, but just recently.
Spanish people from Spain, they're the ones that brought African people.
They're not slaves, but they're white.
But Spanish people are very interesting.
Spanish people are very interesting from Spain.
Because when they want to be on the right side of history, like, no, we don't spend this.
Oh, no.
And then when I say, yeah, but you know, aren't you guys fucking you brought slavery here?
Yeah.
You're white.
They'll say, no, we're, no, we're not white.
They're white when it's good for them, Spanish when it's good for them.
Don't ruin what he's saying with a fact.
Which is very white, though.
That's a very white thing.
That's a very white thing to do.
What?
Pretend you're not white.
Exactly.
Yeah, so they're just being white about it.
They're being white about it, right?
They're being whitest.
Right.
Yeah, they are white.
Spanish are white.
Anyway, there's this guy who does this natty or not thing.
He'll go up to people.
Yes.
And he goes, natty or not, if you're on steroids, he goes up to people working out, right?
I've been watching this guy's content for like a year or two or something like that.
It's just funny to expose his workout things.
The last video he posted, he just goes up to people and he goes, you know, he goes, if you were kicked out of 109 bars, would you say that it was the bar's fault or was it your fault?
And then he goes, and then he goes, he goes, do you think it'd be possible to make 6 million pizzas in three years?
And then he goes, what do you mean?
He goes, like, that's like 3 million pizzas, 3,000 pizzas a day.
Do you think that's possible?
I'm like, when did the Holocaust denial hit the workout algorithm when social media?
His whole content is now the Jews are lying.
And he was originally.
And you're lying about steroids in 96 million.
Yeah, I guess he is natty or not.
Yeah, it's interesting.
Do you think this is organic?
Enhancing ovens.
Do you think this is organic?
You mean the no kings protests?
No.
Well, yeah.
I mean, like, just everyone interested in like, you know, when I was a kid, dude, I have no idea.
I didn't even know whether the mayor was.
Being Indian's a good place to be right now.
If you didn't come to me and ask me to smell your fingers when I was 12, I wasn't interested.
So where do you think it comes from?
I just think there seems to be sort of, you know, the digital places where all this is playing out.
Yes.
And we, all the kids are on there.
You can't fight war anymore the way you used to fight war because of mutually assured destruction.
So there's a lot of foreign influence online trying to win the hearts and minds.
Who's influencing?
Who's paying the money?
I don't.
You got to pay the most.
You got big players.
China, Russia?
Big players.
Probably all of them.
Yeah.
Probably everybody, dude.
Yeah.
Lasers.
Well, it's not Israel.
Israel's losing.
Israel's losing the fucking, what's it called?
War war.
They're losing the PR war.
So they're not spending enough money if they are spending.
China, you couldn't.
That sounds about right.
They're just not spending enough kind of deal.
You know what I mean?
But what is it?
Is it Qatar?
Is it Russia?
Well, Qatar, this is a fact.
This isn't a history hyena facts.
This is a fact.
Qatar spends the most money on education.
What does Smitty have to say about that?
Schmitty would say.
Schmitty would remind you that slavery is still alive and it's in Qatar and Saudi Arabia.
That's what Schmitty would say.
He would tell you that they're still fucking alive and that it's Middle Eastern people who are the worst and not the white children.
Smitty would deflect from the white people and it's and it's not don't blame fucking the one good thing to do they pick the right people.
Yeah, they did pick the right people.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what Schmitty would say.
Yeah.
He would say, you know what's fucking going on.
He would say, oh, Samoa fucking, you know what's going on.
You know what the fuck's going on.
What's going on?
You know what the fuck's going on?
What's going on?
The fucking Sandra Dees.
Right.
Sandra Deese.
That's what he would say.
Sandra Dees.
You know, they got a different religion.
Yeah, it's all it is.
And, you know, they want to conquer.
They want to fucking.
But it is.
That's what, you know, they were building a mosque in Smithy's neighborhood.
Did you hear about this?
There was.
Before we burnt it down.
Oh, wait.
There's a fire.
We'll go put out the fire.
Who knows how to start a fire better than fucking Schmitty?
Yeah.
I mean, the guy's fucking crazy.
That is crazy.
But he takes care of his fucking neighbor.
He doesn't know.
I just kalal's inflammable food.
And we have to come and put out the fire.
Oh, oh, you got to call.
You got to call this fire.
We put out the fire.
No more mosques.
That's what would happen.
That's what happened.
I don't think anybody really knows because I think there's so many angles.
Thank you, Chrissy.
And you have so many angles.
These guys are a treasure.
Perception is reality.
It's however you perceive the facts to be.
That's how they'll be.
The history hyenas are back.
Thank you.
The history hyenas are back.
I love it.
I'm so sorry I broke y'all up.
Wait, how did that happen to you?
I was thinking about this on the way here.
I was like, what was your role?
I gave them COVID.
Yes.
Yes.
Giannis had a mental breakdown.
A mental breakdown.
He's spreading it knowingly.
I would talk about this.
For a period of enlightenment.
That's it.
But you used to call me with a weak voice.
Do you remember that?
Yes, because I scared I was going to die.
And I just didn't want Akash to be the one that killed me.
Imagine the Indian gave you the disease.
Oh, my God.
What a fucking idea.
What a freaking guy.
Ironic die.
Ironic.
Yeah.
So then that seemed to be the beginning of the end.
Yeah.
Right.
But then, no, but in reality, though, you know, we took the vaccine.
And that's the vaccine.
We took the vaccine and then we took the bottom line is we do not do the history on this podcast unless Trump is in charge.
And Trump was on for four years, so so were we.
And that's when he came back.
That's when he came back.
He came back.
Read into that however you like.
The thing is, if you want to see more history Ienians over the next few years, then you have to change the presidential election laws.
Give our king a fair time.
I'm just kidding.
Before the podcast, Chrissy with a straight face.
Cancel Culture Comedy00:07:00
We're discussing what's happening in Israel and if America is going to get involved.
And he's like, listen, I don't think they can do it because if they do it, his base is going to revolt.
He's not going to be able to win another term.
And I go, well, yeah, you can't do that.
He goes, yeah, I know his base won't support it.
And I go, no, no, that's not legally allowed.
And he goes, we'll work on that.
Dan Bajikar, one of the heads of the FBI, is from our neighborhood.
What's up with Danny Over?
What's the sending off on Malta Wall?
He's a neighborhood guy.
But his fucking mother lives above my nanny.
She's a great tenant.
Is she getting shit now that he's bent over?
No, no, no.
I think, I think that he.
I don't know.
If I'm going to be honest with you, can you be honest with me?
We don't know because when we had his conversation with Dan Bongino at O'Neill's in Massbit, we thought he was going to go our way.
And then the guy's out there saying that the Epstein's killed himself.
And we're like, that's not what you said in Massachusetts.
I heard they got him wearing a little hat.
Right.
Oh.
I heard that guy wearing a little hat behind closed doors.
I already got a blow.
That's what I heard.
I already got a little bit of a drink.
We called Jews frisbees.
No.
Because of the hats, yeah.
Oh, I know.
We weren't sure.
Thank you for explaining.
You want to, you know, you don't need a frisbee at the park.
You just.
The frisbees.
The frisbees.
No, honestly, I don't know what the hell's going on.
I have no idea.
Darren Bongito, nobody really knows what's going on.
All I know is I went to the bottom.
I'm in the cash immediately.
Why did Cash even go on Rogue in a cap like that?
I don't know.
I didn't even know.
Trump is on the Epstein list.
But we all know that.
Yeah.
This is not like we saw the picture with them hanging out.
They're all friends.
Yeah, but if so, what?
Do you think the bass would care?
So they can't.
Yeah, you're right.
Well, the hardcore base.
You just can't be on the island fucking 14-year-olds.
He knows the guy.
But the island isn't where the fucking supposedly happened.
Of course, we know what happened, but the evidence is from the apartment, from the townhouse.
That's where they found the cameras.
That's where they found the tapes.
Why haven't we seen any of the parties, the videos?
Why is your boy running cover?
Danny B?
Yeah, this is a cool guy.
I'm the neighborhood guy running cover.
That's what I said when he went.
He gired.
When he got into the FBI, we were like, wow, look at this guy.
One of us really made.
I mean, this guy used to take the Q55 with him.
He said, he's the Goodwill Hunting the Mask back.
And now the kid really made a mask.
He's the Goodwill Hunting of Mask.
If I'm there over this deli tomorrow, Ridgewood.
I'm going to fucking make something up.
The Ridgewood Glendale Mass Vitaria.
I mean, Danny B is the biggest of all.
He went to Archbishop Milloy High School and used to, at first, you know, used to just be me.
Those alumni from Jesus crap used to just be, which would just be odd.
The good alumni used to just be fucking 300 cholesterol.
I'm on the beam.
He's on the beam right now.
He's got 300 cholesterol.
He doesn't eat what he ate.
He just dropped 20 pounds.
But his hair looks incredible.
This is what it is.
I'm scoring.
Back like the 40s, just in case we go into WW3.
I got slick back on the side.
It looks good.
Like a cadet.
All right, guys.
Not that many show dates.
June 19th, that's this week through 21st, Salt Lake City, Utah.
I'm at Wise Guys Comedy Club.
These tickets are almost sold out.
Also, oh, I need to say this: Dubai, I'm going to be there for the Dubai Comedy Festival, October 5th.
The tickets are already over half sold out.
So hurry up and buy those tickets.
And last but not least, I'm very excited.
I went to India like a month or so ago.
I interviewed some people.
I'm very excited about it.
I also interviewed one or two people in the States, and I'm going to start dropping those.
My first episode with Rami Youssef.
We'll be dropping either this week or next week.
But look for it on my YouTube page.
I'm very excited about this.
I love y'all.
Thank y'all.
Let's get back to the show.
What's up, guys?
Special announcement.
I want to shake your hand.
I have a very secret and special and important message for you listening.
Yes, you right now driving your car working.
And the best way for me to tell you that is if you come to my shows, I'm going to Portland, Oregon, Fort Worth, Austin, Texas, Stanford.
I'm also doing the Hard Rock in Times Square in New York City.
I'll be doing a show produced by my good friend Alex Media on July 19th.
Also at the end of the month.
Oh, I'll suck his dick.
Suck his dick.
Suck his dick.
Dude, please don't.
Dude, Father Ben, my priest, hit me up and he was like, yo, why does Akash keep saying that?
And I said, I don't know.
Chandler, Arizona, Washington, D.C., San Diego, Burlington, Vermont.
And then also at the end of the month, we're doing a show at Maryland, New York City.
It's my show with Joey Avery.
I'll see you guys there.
I can't wait to tell you my secret message.
See me after the show.
What's up, guys?
Finally, I'm here.
I'm throwing a show.
Comedy show.
It's going to be fun.
No two-drink minimum.
Fuck all that shit.
Just buy a ticket.
And he's paying the comics more.
And I'm paying comics more because comics being drunk.
You know, I do good stuff.
Do not suck his dick.
Why not?
Because that's why.
Because that's why.
Do not suck his dick.
He's an engaged man.
We're talking to the dudes when he's married.
You can suck his dick because then that's all that stops.
Yeah, but if it's dudes, it's not cheating.
That's true.
If you're a man, you can suck his dick.
It's huge.
Oh, fuck.
This is going to be an episode.
Okay, we're throwing a show on June 28th at Barloom and then also July 19th at the Hard Rock.
July 18th.
Also, it's July 18th.
Cancel comedy, right?
Cancel comedy?
Cancel comedy, July 18th.
We're making it a day from the show.
Just go to cancel comedy X on Instagram.
Check the bio.
We'll have a link for all the tickets.
And let's get back to the show.
You can only call this the podcast administration.
That's what it is.
Yes.
They're all podcast guests.
Yes.
That's what they are.
Yes.
Tulsi, they've all Obama was Facebook.
Was it Trump was Twitter?
Cambridge Analytica.
Right, but that was Obama's Facebook.
I think Trump was Twitter.
Biden was, I don't even know what it is.
And then the latest Trump was probably TikTok.
Yeah.
And then podcasts.
And podcasts.
Yes, TikTok podcast.
And then the next one will be AI.
Yes.
And that's going to be the interesting one.
Do you think the AI will be culturally sensitive where they are?
Like, do you think in the Muslim countries AIs will be wrapped up?
Of course.
The Jewish AIs.
Absolutely.
You have to respect the culture.
100%.
And will they be white or black?
Yeah.
Well, what do you think they'll be?
I think they will be culturally sensitive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And in America, what would they look like?
America, they'd just be fat.
Probably fat.
Fucking fat robots.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Canadian, they'll be trans.
Canadian, they'll be trans.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, everyone's scared of AI, but once we can fuck them, the fear goes away.
Everyone was scared of the internet once you found out you can just jerk to infinite porn.
Once we can put a dick in a robot, it's a lie.
They have the thing in China already.
They have the sperm extract.
Chinese sperm extractors.
Look it up.
Reality.
Chinese sperm extractors.
Yeah.
And then they're just going to put faces on it.
Isn't that like a nail salon or something?
Yes.
What we call a massage by an Asian woman is a loophole.
If you don't want to cheat on your wife, little loophole.
You get a massage from an Asian family.
You know, his wife is cool with it and he won't do it.
You got to do it.
Hitler And Sperm Extractors00:14:49
She's starting to flip-flop already.
He's trying to be like, I don't know.
I know, because, dude, that's listen to me right now.
The Chinese are taking over.
We're getting the silver medal.
Okay.
What's happening?
But if you want a little fucking American dignity, what you go is you go get a pedicure to get those Chinese at your feet.
You go get jerked off to get those Chinese at your feet.
Just to feel one more time.
That we're on top.
I'm going to pay you.
That we're on top.
I went and got a pedicure and I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's funny.
Like Mariner.
Yeah, get down there.
We're losing it.
We just have to accept my feet.
Like General George Washington, just accept defeat.
And that's United States.
Silver medal situation.
Did you check to see if they were even Chinese or it was close enough?
Dude, I mean, I'm not a phenotype expert.
I don't know.
Nobody can tell the difference.
I just say, look, Pakistan and India is going to war.
It's sad to see two people who smell so similar.
I don't go in a cab and go, oh, that's Pakistani.
I mean, it's just fucking, they're all the same.
They just got different Turks, Greeks, the same thing.
Same shit.
I mean, I'm Turk.
I haven't turned anybody.
Really?
I have a lot of ripped gene.
No way.
It's not.
Maybe you got some sell-outs.
Have you ever met Greeks and Turks?
Yeah.
Yeah, they don't get along.
No?
No.
But there could have been one that was turned on by the power of that Turkish.
You mean like a Romeo and Juliet?
Possible.
Yeah.
I want to think so.
But unfortunately, I know one of my ancestors was held down and fucked against their will.
And it's just what happened.
Is that what they said to avoid the shame of falling in love with the Turkish?
Are you talking about a woman or just a Greek boy who got fucked by her?
Many of your ancestors were held down against their will when they worked for a mathematician.
There's no other way to explain.
You know?
Yeah.
There's no other way to explain.
Were you an island Greek?
I was an island Greek.
Which island?
Well, half-island Greek.
Yeah, both island Greek.
Which islands?
My dad is from, I still call it Imbros.
Now it's some name with some squiggly shit on top of it.
Oh, it's a Turkish island.
Yeah, Turkish.
And Crete.
Oh, whoa.
The big one, yeah.
Where similar it started.
And Cretes are fighters, right?
They're fighters.
Right.
A little inbred as well.
Yeah.
Most Greeks are.
Yeah.
I mean, look at my eyes.
I mean, that goes together happening from good breeding.
Yeah.
Well, what is the competitive advantage of having that?
You think?
Of being inbred?
Yeah.
They're all stronger.
They're stronger.
I see zero.
Yeah.
If my immune system's worse, my eyes are too close together.
I get a 10.
His eyes are too close together.
I call his eyes Israel and Palestine.
This is the border right here.
Yeah, this is the UN zone, right?
That's what it is.
Cyprus.
Yeah, it's a tight border.
It's just what it is.
He's got a small head.
I have a big head.
We just even each other out.
We just do.
So tell me why the Cretans, Cretians, are they called Cretans.
The Cretans.
Why are the Cretans different than regular Greeks?
Because they're like the Sicilians of Greece.
If you go to Sicily to Italy, the Cretans are like to Greece, what the Sicilians are to Italians.
Are they like thought of as part of Greece?
The Greeks make fun of them because they're crazy and violent.
Which is what, again, yeah.
So, but they fight.
I mean, look at the you know, World War II.
Most historians credit the Cretans and that resistance of Hitler as it took, to put it into context, it took the Nazis like four days to take France.
You fucking pussies.
Yeah.
Clean your mirrors, too.
Every time you go in a fucking French restaurant, you're like, why are the mirrors dirty?
Yeah, you know, but you know, you know, I mean, you ever notice that?
It's like, that's your, that's your, that's your style.
It's a dirty mirror.
Yeah.
Anyway, that's another thing.
Yeah.
But I'll tell you why it took them four days, France, in the second half.
It took them a couple days.
Yeah.
It took the Nazis 10 days to take the island.
But we did eventually take it.
Yeah.
It is true.
It's funny that we're friends and we have a podcast together because he really is the predator and I'm the prey.
I did my ancestors and it said like 98% German.
And she was like, holy shit.
That's not enough.
Yeah, one drop rule.
Yeah, I couldn't believe how German I was.
But what's your new dog?
You know?
Yeah, but it is.
But it took you twice to take twice as long.
It took him 10 days to take the island.
So that Hitler had to refocus down there, right?
And so that's.
Why was the island a strategic advantage?
Because of Africa, access to Africa.
He was the closest to Africa.
Launching Pad, yeah.
So it was very important.
And so that made him focus there.
And then they had to put off the invasion of Russia towards the winner.
And then we all got it.
So you guys are the deciding factor.
Yeah.
Winston and Hitler gave us props.
There's a quote.
No, not Hitler, Churchill.
Both did.
Hitler also gave us props.
Just for those people who love Hitler out there, and there's a lot of them now.
Hitler also gave the Greeks props.
Churchill said from here on we will see.
They started translating those speeches and it's fucking worse.
I know.
I know.
I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what.
You know what?
It's a guy, don't you?
You get your point.
Don't tell us.
No, it's one kill.
Listen, I put your hand like that, though.
Hold on, you're just autistic.
No, I'm just fucking off.
I'm just doing shoulders.
Yeah, and so.
But I was in my listen for research, I was watching a Hitler speech from the 40s translated in English.
I was just watching it.
You know, whatever.
Watch it.
It's a little thing weekly, whatever.
I was watching one and had the kids around.
We don't do Miss Rachel anymore.
Now we do that.
I'm kidding.
I was watching this.
I forgot to bring my knee podcast.
And it's his podcast.
And it's in English, and it's in English.
And so, you know, my girl, who's, you know, Latina, feminist, whatever, you know, despises Hitler and the right and all that stuff.
Yeah.
That didn't make her a feminist.
But she's got a push.
And so.
And so she's in the kitchen, you know, making, you know, whatever, nurses, her food.
And so she's just listening, making breakfast, and she's, and Hitler's going off.
I mean, Hitler's going, because what Hitler, when you listen to him in English, no, it's awful what he did, right?
But if you just listen to the words, forget about what he did.
Listen to the words.
He's basically saying, and he says it like, you know, in German, but translate English.
He goes, we are about to fight the two great superpowers.
Germany is about to fight England.
Okay.
And he says, and oh, what this video did was they changed Germany.
Every time Hitler said Germany, they changed it to the United States.
But that's just, it was a weird AI thing I was watching.
But he says, Germany is about to fight England.
These are two superpowers.
And the only way, the only way to move forward is one must die and one must live.
And I swear to my people, Germany will live.
And people are like going crazy.
It's like, whatever.
And so you go wild.
And then she goes, yo, who is that like a new candidate?
Who is that?
That guy sounds awesome.
I'll vote for that.
I said, oh, yeah, it is a new candidate.
His name's Adolf Hitler.
And she was like, why you tricked me?
I was like, no, I didn't.
No, I didn't.
Because that's the thing with Hitler.
He's all.
You loved him.
No, no, no.
I don't love him.
The kid is a closer.
No, no, no.
The kid is a head.
That's what I'm saying.
He's not a middle-aged dog.
When you watch that guy perform, you almost, you want, you're like, fuck.
Yeah.
He's adding shows.
Yeah.
No, so I'm saying that Hitler, all the stuff he did was.
He is.
He is.
He's hitting his bones.
Try to follow that dude at the cellar.
They're not.
Okay.
So it is.
He's like a comedian that raps.
You can't follow him.
So.
What's his name?
Just Bird.
I don't know.
There's a lot of them.
Shout out Derek Gaines.
Yeah.
So, oh, he was not talking about Derek Gaines.
I was Derrick Gaines.
Okay.
I forgot it.
I don't know.
I honestly knew that.
The one guy that doesn't have to sell it that you follow.
No.
Ain't Dick.
No, they usually, I always go, when I want to do the comedy style, I always say before 10 p.m.
So I'm always on the nice and early shows where it's just a bomb fest for everybody.
Everybody's just kind of mailing it in at 7 p.m. and we're just having fun.
And then I go home, get the kids to bed, and throw on Hitler in English.
But I'm just to go to sleep.
No, what we're saying is because, you know, just having a conversation about it.
You remember the last episode it was all parenting techniques?
Right.
I think my family.
So, but what Hitty, he, what he wanted.
So, so the thing is.
It's so uncomfortable.
Because when people, people always ask, how the hell could Germany stand by and do this stuff?
It's because Hitler was that gifted of an oratory.
He was to take the German people and make them do atrocious things that when they woke up from the smoke, they're like, why did I do that?
It's like, he convinced you to do it.
So that's what he did to my girl in a minute, accidentally.
I mean, you know, he had to be that good when you look at a guy telling you how much the Jews are a problem and look that much like a Jew and convincing you like that this dude.
Yeah.
His speaking.
They didn't even notice that he looked like he was like blonde hair.
He was like, we're the superior people.
The kid was a squeak and he fucking.
He's like, where's the paleo?
Where's the pale?
We're like, where?
You?
Yeah.
You?
You're fucking.
You look at your fucking art, dude.
You look.
You look like you're a fucking accountant.
And he says, and he was a vegetarian.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Dude, if I put on paper, if I put on paper, you know, vegetarian, loves animals, and great speaker, and then I put on the other one, you know, eats meat, really uncomfortable being around and wants to kill everybody.
And I said, which one's the good guy?
Which one's the bad guy?
You would obviously say, oh, the guy who eats me wants to kill everybody is the bad guy.
Like, no, that's Winston Churchill.
And then the good guy that you thought on paper was Hitler.
Yeah.
Oh, Churchill wanted to kill everybody.
Well, that's what's going on.
Churchill really hated Indians, so I don't fuck with Churchill.
That's what I'm saying.
That's why I made unblinking eye contact.
I wanted you to feel it.
He wasn't too fond, right?
He did not like it.
The Holy British Empire.
Yeah.
He just did not like you guys.
I mean, I guess it's a bad time to finish what Churchill said about the Greeks then.
What did he say?
He said, from here on in, we will no longer say that Greeks fight like heroes.
I get chills when I think about it.
We will say that heroes fight like Greeks.
Yes.
Fucking.
Hold on.
Big one.
Yeah.
John is coming.
I love it.
Yeah.
He said that.
And he failed against the Turks, like the Greeks as well.
Why do you think he would say that?
He had a historic failure in World War II.
Why do you think that is?
Because, you know, the Muzzies are just tricky, dog.
Okay.
Muzzies are tricky.
Who's trickier, though?
Right.
Muzzies are.
They're good.
They're good.
Muzzies, by the way, they're good.
Muzzies, they're the science, the best scientists since antiquity, always the cleanest people, right?
Like in the Crusades, you always talk about the, you know, you read these accounts, and it's like they could, the Muslims would say they could smell the Christian army coming from miles away because it was just barbaric.
No, they had good, they had good, like, what they had janissaries.
So what they would do, like, you always got to unify, but conquer, unify in the right ways, divide in the right ways.
So what the Ottomans would do is they would take a Christian boy, young, from the family, and then they would indoctrinate him and make turn a Muslim, and then he would go kill the Greeks.
So they were like Manchurian candidate, fucking brainwashed, kind of like King Z. You know, Z. Z's got an interesting story.
That's why he makes, he's so dangerous.
King Z, dog.
Bow down.
Fucking Zoom.
You know who King Z is?
You don't know who Z is?
You know who King Z is?
You guys are going to know real soon.
Zorhan Mamdani.
I call him King Z, but he's Z.
The president of China.
Zhe.
Oh, Zi.
I don't do the whole Zhijia.
Tomato, Tomato, who stands with us.
Isn't that fucking Chinese?
I don't say hero.
I say hello.
Did I say hero?
I'm not speaking Jesus.
Here's the thing about us.
It's a Z to me.
It says it's a Z and an I. Here's the thing you're saying.
Say shit.
I'm stupid.
No, no matter what it is, what it is.
XY is Xylophone in your defense.
Isn't it ZI?
It's XI.
What we call Yannis is Yanni almost because Yanni will have a great point as he's about to make, and then one thing will be almost diagnosed.
And then ask history angels.
We're both almost there.
Like, I'll give you an excellent point, well researched, about Greek mythology and give you points that will wrap around into present-day America.
But I will accidentally, the entire time, be calling Plato Pluto.
Yeah.
And that's just one of the story is very interesting because his father was like killed by the communists and then he was taken as a kid and indoctrinated much like a janissary to love the Communist Party and stuff like that.
The Ottomans would do this with the women too.
Wouldn't they all take like orphan girls and that's who the uh they would take boys too.
This is a true story.
But it would impregnate the orphan girls.
Yeah, right.
So it wouldn't be one bloodline and like one royal family, right?
There was like a harem of all these orphan girls.
So sometimes the kids were like Jewish or Muslim.
Didn't matter.
It was kind of an interesting way to continue a bloodline.
But he would take boys took boys.
The day back in ancient history, everybody was for the table.
It's true, everybody, everybody.
It didn't matter, boy, girl, you were just gonna get eaten sexually.
And I thought the tooth fell out, but it was really a sesh.
It was just a sesh.
It was a sesh.
Use sesh, kids.
Disclosure, I have invested in a company.
Disclosure, FTC, disclose.
We're disclosing.
Okay, continue.
In Sesh?
You have to disclose.
Oh, yeah.
You better disclose it.
You got to disclose me because if not, Dan Bongino will take a look at it.
He's on that extra.
Listen, you were saying, though, you're saying I want a sponsorship of Sash on the History Hill.
Oh, we don't do sponsorship.
You can invest in all of them.
You can fucking invest.
Yeah, I know you gotta.
I believe you're gonna be a little bit more.
You're a property law.
I got the property.
I got some collateral.
No, but you were gonna say about Zhi.
So I told you about Z. You're finished.
No, I was gonna say about my grandfather.
It's a true story, I swear to God.
So we disease of making it.
Why don't we talk about Xi Jinping?
Xi Jinping Pong?
So my daughter went to an Ivy League school.
Yeah.
That's what people say.
Magic Spoon Sponsorship00:03:44
Oh, how could it be that bad?
His daughter went to Ivy League, Ivy League school.
I'm like, yeah, she's trying.
Yeah, and she's trying to go.
Why do you think she's fucking?
Didn't a couple teachers smuggle like some chemical weapons in?
100%, dude.
That's insane.
They were going to kill the crops.
Dude, it's crazy.
And then I think Trump in this most recent agreement with China allowed them to have the students here again.
Yeah.
A lot of Donnie flip-flops.
I don't like this.
Because listen, dude, it's like we can't stop the Chinese.
It's like saying, if you're going to say there's no more Chinese in the Ivy, it's like saying no more blacks in the NBA.
I mean, they are the blacks.
Just real quick for Ivy Leagues.
Well, it's true.
Come on, come on.
Come on.
Money.
Come on.
Indians too.
But Chinese, really.
No.
No, not Chinese.
No, Indians are the best.
Dude, look at India and Pakistan.
They can't even get a plane off the ground and they got the most nukes of anyone in any Indian scientists.
And these guys are just making that.
That's why India sucks.
We're making nukes.
Indians are killing it too.
I love Indians.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
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Now, let's get back to the show.
Italian Brothers Worry00:15:16
So, my dad's family was from Imbros, right?
So, it was part of the Ottoman Empire.
So, they actually sent my dad to Egypt to Alexandria because the local viceroy, I don't know what the, I can't remember what the Ottomans called it, but he's basically the governor.
Yeah, governor of this place.
Yeah, he would Greek boys.
That was his thing.
Oh, really?
Into it.
Yeah.
Why is that?
Why is that inconsistent?
I thought you were about to say, why is that bad?
No, no, it just seems like a consistent thing with the Greeks.
It's like, what is it so special about you?
It's not consistent with the Greeks.
Hairless asshole.
The Ottomans were doing it.
Right?
The Greeks are hairless assistants.
That's the thing about them.
They don't have hair.
They have everywhere but the asshole.
Oh, so they're like a chimpanzee.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Interesting.
I get it.
That makes sense.
That makes sense.
That makes a lot of sense.
Yes.
That's why they're prime candidates.
And Korean people have genes where they don't smell.
Yeah.
Koreans do not smell, can't smell.
No BO, stinkless people.
That's why they make them ladyboys, too, Asians, because they're starting with an advantage with no hair.
So they're more believable.
They don't got to give it all that.
So you were saying, your dad got sent away.
So your dad ripped a Greek boy.
My dad ripped the Greek boy.
So they sent him to Alexandria because this, so he and he never saw his family again.
To avoid being to avoid being ripped.
So he was like the brothers?
Did your dad have brothers?
Deader brothers.
And how did the family pick his asshole to save?
Because he might have been the cutest.
He might have been the cutest.
Here's the thing with being Greek.
That's just been the cutest.
Is gay will touch you.
It's going to get you one way or another.
Yeah.
Like it, Yanni's got one of three.
Now one of his brothers is fully gay.
Fully.
Like full out of the closet.
Which we call fully charged.
Actual fully charged.
Charge belt.
Have sex with men.
And then Yanni was nicked.
I was nicked.
Yanni was nicked by the gay gene.
Not fully gay, but not fully straight.
What does that mean?
How did you figure that out?
I got nicked just because of my tastes.
I mean, I dress up in a dress and put a wig on.
Yeah.
About the best, most famous things ever got.
I don't think she males are that gay.
No.
I mean, there's certain things we can do.
We actually proved it.
Yanni proved it to me scientifically why masturbating to trans porn is actually the manly thing you do and it's the solution.
Because he showed me an article and then we spent hours speaking about it where he said that this is a neurological thing.
When you watch porn, the two most excitable parts of the male brain that stimulate your sexual organs are when you see big tits and a big dick.
Yeah, that's what you will.
You will subconsciously fast forward through porn if the guy's piece isn't big enough.
So if you connect, combine a big piece and big titties, you have a trans person.
That's the type of porn that gets you the most excited and that's what you're on the sensor of an imagination.
You just call it a horniness antenna.
Well, you call it really is, because who's horny?
Well, you call it again another version of a loophole.
Yeah, how is it cheating on you, babe?
If that's a guy yeah, or was a guy or was a guy you just go.
Oh, my dick was so big it broke through to the other side.
Problem solved, went right through her.
Problem solved.
Nobody can look at you, anyone.
I want anyone to look at Carmen Carrera and tell me that's what a babe.
Pull it out.
Tell me that's a guy At me and tell me that's a guy with a straight face.
Even Alex will admit it, and it's not.
Those are things that's not easy to admit in his community.
But when you know, we found out.
We know what's going on.
Don't worry about it.
You're about to see who it is.
Don't worry.
I mean, just go to her.
Instagram.
Carbon Correct.
Don't act like you haven't fucking Googled it.
Look at this kid.
He looks like a disguise face.
It's like a disconnect Halloween.
Who the fuck is this kid?
Don't act like you don't know who Carbon Carrera is, dog.
She's the one from the Joe Budden.
Talk to the sky's face and then pull up this kid.
Wait, guess what?
Who the hell is that?
Pull up at the sky's face.
Look at this kid.
Disguise face is unbelievable.
That's unbelievable.
Look at his rusty kid.
This kid bought his face at a 99 cents.
You gotta know.
Oh, my God.
Is that exactly what he's doing?
That's incredible.
Oh, my God.
This is the girl from the Joe Budden clip.
Is it?
You know the one where he finds out on the couples therapy show?
You haven't seen that one?
No.
No.
Al, you know what I'm talking about?
Where he turns his head slow?
Yeah, he turns his head slow and he's like, what the fuck is going on?
So he's in a couple's therapy.
Yeah, she looks shockingly female.
Shockingly female.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which one is she on that?
Left, yeah.
It's something people got to accept, you know?
Like, gorgeous.
We can go to Mars.
We can cure cancer.
We can change.
Have you ever dabbled?
No, I haven't dabbled.
Would you feel uncomfortable dabbling?
No.
I mean, I'm married.
I would not.
Obviously, in a hypothetical scenario.
I mean, you know, it depends.
What does it depend on?
Yeah.
If she says yes, it depends on how I'm.
I'm fooled.
I'm fooled.
No, that doesn't count.
But if you're fooled, it doesn't count.
You're saying going into it.
Going.
Absolutely.
I wouldn't care.
If I see a woman, it's what I'm attracted to.
And if she's got a piece, we're just doing something different.
When the piece is.
I know we're doing something different.
This gets hard.
You're not going to let the piece get it.
I guess we're doing something different today.
So when you're on.
Sometimes you have Italian.
Sometimes you have Mexican for dinner.
You just do something different.
You got to do something different.
You like a little something different.
Let's see.
Have you ever done a little something different?
I've never done a little something different with a trans person, but I will.
I have publicly said that I'd like to go the first 50 years of my life straight in the last 50 days.
I'm an explorer.
So I like to explore all types of things.
I am not, it's not out of the question.
It's not out of the question for me to at some point dabble.
But I don't want to do it now.
I have a beautiful family.
I have a beautiful life, a beautiful fiancé.
So I'm not going to risk that.
Y'all still ain't married?
Huh?
Y'all still ain't married.
No, but I'm going to fucking kiss you with three kids.
And the thing is, I got to do it now because he's committed to fucking trainings for 50, 50 years.
He gets married.
That's what it is.
I got to do it now because now she wants citizenship.
Seven year, how old are you?
40s.
So he's going to need 10 years and then he gets waiting around.
He's waiting her home.
No.
Can't do it, baby.
We're getting out.
This is my 10 years.
No, we aren't getting married.
We got engaged on January 6th.
Swear to God.
Which is a holiday to a lot of people.
Which is how you do it.
They do an AOC piñata.
They get zip ties.
The whole thing, grandma.
Yeah.
Some people's houses, that's a holiday.
I will say it's not out of the question.
I'm not looking for it.
I don't want to.
Right now, I support whatever people want to do.
Right now, I'm not interested in having some head.
Waking up with a trans listen.
Like I said, I grew up in Queens.
I've gotten blowjobs from girls with mustaches.
But I'm not.
You know what I mean?
Italian chicks.
You know what I mean?
You know who you are.
Shout out Sabrina Patisi.
I would beach.
You had a little bit of a dicker until you came.
So I would tackle you.
I would.
I'm not interested now.
I'm certainly not interested now.
What's the gayest thing you've ever done?
He got mouth fucked when he was 14 years old.
Yeah, be an altar boy.
He's telling this story on the pie.
Yeah, the gay.
Is that the gayest thing you've ever done?
Yeah, I've never really done.
I mess around.
I've begged Mateo Lane to tell me I'm gay.
And he's like, funny, you're not gay.
I can tell you you're not gay.
It's just a thing that I think I have fun with, and it's my comedy.
Well, I think being Catholic, I think we're all just all-boy Catholic high schools.
It's like you would get teabagged or teabagged someone, and if they didn't laugh, you'd be like, what, are you gay?
It's like, no, I'm traumatized.
I think everyone lies, dude.
I think everyone lies.
I really do.
Wait, honestly, question.
You're having sex with a trans person or whatever.
Penis.
Hold on, let me get my dick.
The penis gets hard.
You're charged up.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
My penis gets charged up.
No, no, that girl with the penis, the penis gets erect, as I assume it would because she's turned on.
Sort of fucking.
Are you putting your mouth on that dick or no?
Oh, that's a good question.
Because you're all horny.
You know what I mean?
It's there.
Problem.
You're already.
Yeah.
Okay.
It says you deserve it.
What about this?
I mean, I don't know.
I can't.
I can't.
You know, that's the thing.
This is what's interesting about history, what we've learned in what a lot of people have.
This is what's interesting.
This is what I want to tell you about the Revolutionary War.
Yeah, this is, but seriously, when you look back in history, when you look back in history, Greeks really do.
Yeah, I'm here lobbying.
This is Pride Month, dude.
I'm a great spokesperson.
Dude, do you know how many times I've walked into his apartment and he's not recording anything and he's just sitting there with the Marisa wig on?
That's what I do.
Just sitting there hanging out.
I just go, I'll fuck me, Dafrey.
Yeah, I would fuck me.
That's right.
I would definitely fuck me.
Yeah.
But when you look back in history, a lot of the manliest guys and a lot of the cultures during these empires, there wasn't a concept like we have now of gay and straight.
Alexander the Great had a favorite eunuch.
He was gay.
He had a gay lover.
He was gay.
Two of the best Roman emperors were gay, like Trajan, Hadrian.
These guys were gay.
Hadrian was gay.
Adrian was gay.
You weren't in a box back then.
Now we have all these rules and regulations.
There was no rules and regulations back then.
You just had a little fun.
You don't think there was any rules and regulations?
No, but not with sexuality.
Most people deal with all the regulations.
The only rule was don't be a Jew.
That's the only thing you hold up by.
But everybody was gay back then.
All these guys, if you look, I mean, even at Abraham Lincoln, now it's like, oh, is Abraham Lincoln gay?
It's like back then, everybody knew that the president before him, James Buchanan, 100% gay.
Really?
1,000?
Buchanan was for sure.
He did not have a wife.
FDR's wife, definitely gay.
Definitely 100% gay.
100% Wheels wasn't gay.
No, FDR's wife.
No, FDR's wife, Eleanor.
She was all day.
Dude, she was wearing cargo pants.
Just dude, watch wedding crashes.
I mean, Bill Clinton's wife's gay.
Oh, yeah.
Which goes, big.
I think people.
So what happened?
Why do you think that we're so homophobic now?
I think religion.
I think religion.
But there's always been religion.
You can make the argument that there was more religion back then.
I think the Abrahamic religions are exceptionally against homosexuality.
And there's probably some societal reason.
Probably Greeks are doing too much.
I think one.
Seriously.
Well, I also think we're living.
It's not really gay if the boy can't consent.
Right.
But you can make any argument for boys.
Dude, you weren't the only ones.
Ottomans, Chinese dynasty.
Spanish from Spain.
I just want to lump them in because I just want to make it a point that they started slavery.
I want to make sure everybody knows that.
The boy stuff is kind of inexcusable.
Yeah, it's kind of hard to bring out another boy.
Yeah.
It's kind of maybe that's how bad the fumes were.
That guys had to create alternatives.
I think because there was no shaved hair back then, and the fumes do get caught in the hair.
That's good.
Maybe the guys just were like, you know what?
Tonight, I just don't feel like dealing with well, I think that pregnancy might have been a concern.
Pregnancy a concern.
Maybe impregnating someone that you don't want to.
You're just trying to colonize back in the day.
What's that?
It had condoms.
Like, what was it?
Like sheep skinned.
I don't know.
It was like a sheep colon or some shit.
They just use a juice for skin.
No, but I also think that nowadays.
Instead of using a sheep's colon, I'll just use a boy's colon.
That's why he's having sessions.
I'm trying to get that colon.
Rip it out.
The human mind is really crazy.
Yeah.
It really is kind of.
We're very weird.
It's the greenhouse.
It's the Greek mind.
It's the Greek mind.
Yeah, don't put it on.
But I think that even though there's a lot of problems today, there's war and a million problems going on.
Ultimately, comparative to the past, you're living a great life.
Oh, absolutely.
So now you have a lot of time to get enraged at who's gay and who's not.
Back then, it's like you're either going to die in the war, you're going to die of polio, somebody's going to kill you.
So you're like, do you care if your president's sexual proclivities?
Nobody cared.
They were like, how often was a town getting sacked back in the day?
Oh, dude.
What did that look like?
Like, you have a town, there's probably like a few hundred people living in it.
A lot of grape juice.
Yeah.
A lot of grape juice.
He means.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
He got it.
Oh, sorry.
I got it.
He's not going to repeat the problem.
So I was wondering, you're doing your thing.
You're farming.
You're doing whatever.
And then some army shows up.
All I see is his shirt.
This guy's face is unbelievable.
We got to show Jelly on camera so you can't unseen this.
Unbelievable.
Like, how regular was that happening?
It was so regular, man.
So, so was like, was conquering that hard?
Like, and we give all this credit for like Alexander the Great, like going to conquer all these places, but was it really just showing up with more guys?
It's really more sticky to the Greeks, dude.
You're talking about the Floyd Man.
He wasn't even Greek.
Yeah, he was in the Macedonian.
He would never identify as Greek.
Macedonia is Greek.
He was the Floyd Maywell that were conquerors.
I also think Philip apparently did a lot of it.
He set up a lot of that shit and then died.
Yeah, he was a little bit of a little bit of a Nepo baby.
Yeah.
But he took it to another level.
He's like the Steph Curry.
You know, his dad was Del Curry, but he was the Steph Curry.
You know what I always think about?
And he was Greek as fuck.
How did they know what these big land masses?
Like, how did they know where the other army was going to be?
There's got to be like one road.
Yeah, but couldn't I, I feel like even that, like, how would I know?
Like, oh, how does Genghis Khan know?
It's like they're going to be there.
You follow the river.
You think?
People live on the river.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You just kill them all.
Yes.
That's what you think.
Yeah.
I would think there was like a Phoenix back in the day.
Yeah.
Like where they just make a place in the middle of the desert.
I think everything's by a body of water.
You follow the body of water, eventually run into some people, take over their town.
Right, right.
That's what we did.
We just conquered each other over and over.
That's what I'm trying to wonder.
It's like, you're this town.
There's 300 people.
The Ottomans come in.
They're like, we're in charge.
You go, well, will you protect us from these people that are raiding?
They go, yeah, we'll do it.
I'm like, okay, you guys are in charge.
Can't do it.
I wonder if it was that much actual like battle.
But that's the problem with culture.
And we're giving all this credit to these people who've won all these wars.
But if you're winning a war against someone who's not even really fighting back, they're just like, hey, just protect us.
I always suspected that because when you think about like the tales of Alexander the Great being in the front, it's like you would never be in the front.
Yeah.
Did you actually drive?
He was probably on the back on his horse, just like, just make it, just put me in the front.
Like, oh, that looks bad because you're in the front.
You can't believe any of the old history shit.
Yeah.
No.
I don't even know if you could believe like revolution shit.
Yeah.
We know who won, but that's why Tyler Hero has the best theory right now.
You heard what he said.
I don't believe that.
He says he doesn't believe in history.
Yeah.
He does not.
He said it in the dumbest way, but he's not exactly wrong.
Right.
Where it's just like, whoever wins kind of like writes it in the way that's most favorable.
And then we just make movies about that.
And that's hilarious.
Just read a book or Google or like do some research on whatever history you believe.
Read the opposition side.
Like read American history from the Nazi side, from the British side.
Read it.
No, I'm saying read it from their side.
And then you get a clearer picture of like, whoa, what actually happened?
Because it's just two versions of the same story.
War Of 1812 History00:04:03
Yeah, what did the Brits say about the Revolutionary War?
The Brits say about the Revolutionary War.
And when you look at the British, they say that.
They fought, they wanted to, you know, these colonies, the 13 colonies, which still is just the best landmass in the world.
I really genuinely only fucked with the 13 colonies.
I liked the American 13 colonies.
When I go on there, like I was just in New Mexico, it's like this wasn't part of the plan.
I know it's American now, but it's like I get there and I'm like, the people were fine, but it's like, dude, and then I'm there in Santa Fe, the capital.
I love state capitals.
I love taking pictures from the state capitol.
It's a little autistic.
And I like it.
But I'm there in Santa Fe and it's like these people with the no kings thing.
They're doing the no kings protests.
And it's like, guys, you're not even really a place.
Like, I understand, like, you're not even really a state.
And it's like, I have to see, like, and it brings out these protests, brings out the most nuts people.
Like, have you ever seen a trans Native American person?
It blows your fucking mind.
They've had those forever, though.
It was kind of two-spirit.
Yeah, the two-spirit.
Please.
It's trans-Native American.
Disclose.
We're disclosing by the closing.
Yeah, yeah.
But anyway, so anyway, these 13 colonies, the British believed that, you know, we got to fight for them.
We want them.
There's an uprising here, blah, blah, blah.
And then when it became not financially good for the British anymore, they just left.
So yes, France came and that's called losing a war.
Right.
But no, but there was like Britain was fighting like 10 other wars at the time of the Revolutionary War.
So even the soldiers that the 13 colonies were fighting were not the best of the best of Britain.
Britain was fighting in India.
That's what they would say, of course.
Right, right.
Because they would send their best to India where they don't even have weapons.
Yeah.
They don't even warn the line.
And so, so, but they, the British would say, hey, they let, you know, France came, we left, whatever.
It wasn't, we were losing too much money trying to hold on to these colonies.
So let them, let them go.
Because what we like, you know about, we know about 1776, we know about that war, our American Revolution, we beat the mighty British.
All these things are true with little quirks here and there.
But then you don't really learn much about the War of 1812.
Why?
Because the British beat us.
But the War of 1812, in Britain, you learn about that.
But in America, that's a day.
You got to research the War of 1812.
What happened in the War of 1812 that they beat us?
The British basically knocked us.
It wasn't about territory.
The War of 1812 was, you know, like we got the Louisiana Purchase out of that, like Thomas Jefferson.
But Jefferson worked that out with the French.
Yeah, with the French, but the British.
What a deal.
I mean, that's how you know.
You had some Jewish advisors for that deal.
Give me the whole land.
You give him two pack of cigarettes and some belts.
You know what's crazy about the Louisiana Purchase is like every, I always think about this.
Like whoever the smartest person is at, I don't know, Elon Musk, right?
Whoever the top person is.
He's the highest person.
They know, like, if we look, people 200 years from now are going to look back at whatever is we're thinking and be like, remember when they used to think like that?
Idiots?
Because it's just what it is.
Thomas Jefferson, sitting active president of the United States, get the Louisiana Purchase, has Lewis and Clark in his office and says, guys, going to go out there.
I want you to explore this territory.
Okay.
I want you to take extra people and extra weapons.
We know there's Native Americans out there.
We know there's going to be crazy terrain.
There also could be dinosaurs.
Absolutely could be dinosaurs.
So we got to just be careful.
And so at that point in 18, they literally, Thomas Jefferson, the president was like, yeah, there could be a T-Rex out there running around Louisiana.
So that always fascinated me because I don't know.
I'm actually just buying time because I forgot why Britain won the war before what they got.
But I just know they won.
And I am just.
Isn't that how you get people excited to just go to the middle of nowhere and get bow and arrows shot at them?
You go, listen, guys, I need you to go over here, and there's no civilization whatsoever, but you might see a dinosaur.
Doesn't that seem like you kind of propagandize people moving out west?
Maybe.
Or you just, there was, they didn't know any better yet.
Like, I don't think 200 years from now, we're going to be eating meat.
I think they're going to look at us and be like, what a bunch of barbarians.
I think about that a lot.
They were.
Remember when they used to eat animals and not understand that their consciousness is like the same as ours?
Brunson Olympic Athlete00:08:00
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Well, I hope that never happens.
Yeah, I don't know if that will happen.
I want to ask you.
Because technology will be to the point that there will be some lab-grown shit that will taste the exact same.
And then what's going to be funny is they look at our heroes and they're like, that guy.
He ate meat.
He killed animals.
The same way we look at like slave owners 200 years ago.
I think they're going to do that with our guys now in 200 years.
That guy killed so many, just ate meat whenever he wanted to.
Whoever.
Oh, yeah.
Whoever the hero is.
Look at Obama or something.
Yeah.
Like, first black president.
They're going to pull Joe Rogan clips and be like, this guy killed bears, dude.
Dumbad.
We have to take the statue of him in Austin down.
All right, guys, let's take a little break for a second, talk about these NBA finals.
I think OKC wraps it up.
I know.
I know.
Game five, I think the Pacers had their shot and fucked it out.
Or game four, it was.
They could have gone 3-1.
And they fucked it.
What happened to Tyrese?
I don't know.
He's hurt, but he's zero points in the first half.
Just don't play at that point.
Yeah.
What was the injury, David?
The Tyrese Halliburton net.
Oh, yeah.
It's interesting because if they lose, nobody remembers this playoff run.
Yeah.
It is one of the great playoff runs by an NBA basketball player history.
Like, stole multiple games, game winners, fantastic outings, and OKC is going to win.
And then none of those mean anything.
Yeah.
It's kind of crazy.
And no one cares that OKC's won.
Yeah.
It's Oblama Z. Yo, shout out OKC, though.
Like, there's no reason that team should be good based on any metric in terms of a small market team with limited budget.
No NBA stars want to go play there.
And they find a way to always be in it.
Just a bunch of young boys, bro.
But they did it back with the young boys before James Hart.
Yeah.
What is that?
Just front office?
I think it's that guy, Sam Presty.
They're just nice.
They get it.
They draft well.
They know the only chance they have is drafting well.
And then when they have to make some big trades, they just go all in.
Yeah.
And they'll sign role players like Hartenstein was perfect for what they needed.
Alex Caruso is perfect for what they needed.
We could have used some Hartenstein.
Yeah.
Like a guy who won't turn the big that won't turn the ball over can kind of dribble and will play D. Any contender could use Alex Caruso.
How you don't pay that guy.
Yeah, it's just crazy.
He didn't sound like a massive deal.
He said something funny.
He was there's a guy, Jalen Turner, who's like the other star on the team.
He was saying, like, man, everybody's saying Alex Caruso is a great defender.
I'll be cooking him in practice or something like that.
And he goes, Alex says, yeah, once I got an NBA contract extension, I haven't been putting as much effort in my practice.
Jalen Williams, what's his name?
Sorry, Jalen.
Sorry.
Yeah, sorry.
Well, OKC just defensively is dominant, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they have like, like, they have guys that can bring the ball up fast.
Like, I love Jalen Brunson.
I love him.
I run faster than him.
Right.
I can run faster straight than Jalen Brunson.
And he could barely bring the ball up against the Pacers.
I can run faster than him in a straight-on race.
At 41 years old.
At 41 years old, I think at 50.
I think we need to bring Jalen Brunson on the podcast and do it.
I love Jalen.
What's his 40s hundred?
Jalen.
Yeah.
You do.
We would love for Jalen.
Jalen, let's cut a promo.
Jalen Brunson, Andrew Schultz, the global phenomenon comedian, says he is faster than you, global phenomenon, NBA star.
Yeah, straight up race.
Full race, straight up full.
82 feet, end-to-end basketball.
Penny amounts to what it is.
Penny amounts.
Before you do cat cows, you said distance.
He says he will beat you in a straight line.
I need to do my cat cows.
I need to do my cat cows.
I need to do all my stretches, cats.
If it's cold, no cat cows, I think you're in trouble.
Come on, Flagrant.
We will do this.
I genuinely believe it, just straight up.
I'm not saying that I'm a better basketball player.
No, We know that.
We know that.
You're saying something different.
I'm not saying that he's better than me at basketball.
I think he's a better shooter.
I think he's a better dribbler.
I think that he uses his body way better.
It's amazing what he can do being so limited with speed.
I think I've been faster than Jalen Brunson since I was 14 years old.
I mean, that can, I mean, that's 100% serious.
He told me 21-year-old you could beat him in a foot race.
There's no way you're going.
There's no way we're going.
Yeah, I would.
Barely.
Five-foot-nothing Taylor from Brilliant Idiots.
Taylor barely.
She barely.
I think she could beat him.
I think Taylor could beat him.
Didn't he beat her ass and she like pulled a hamstring?
I did.
I did.
I think he beat the shit out of her.
It's funny.
Let's call it like it is.
He beat Taylor's ass.
She ended up just getting pregnant.
So she was like, I have nothing else.
I got to settle down.
I'd help him settle down.
With all the respect.
With all the respect.
I do not think you'll beat Jalen Brunson in a foot race.
I think in a foot race.
At 41 with a bad ankle.
Two.
Son, you got me.
You got that thing with the wood thing that you got to do.
I know.
I do it every single time.
It's like, I got to stretch out the Achilles.
I don't have to do a proper stretch of everything, but I'm saying in a foot race, without a, we're not dribbling in basketball.
If we were dribbling basketball, I think he'd beat me.
But if we were just in a foot race and it was just go start here and get to there, as long as it's enough distance where I could pick up speed.
Okay, 100 meters.
It's not even close.
I mean that's insane.
We have to be able to, I mean that's insane.
When you're in New York, it's the offseason.
It's a part of your training.
Let's do it.
I don't even think it's close.
If you want to bet on that, hey, stake me on.
Yo, let's have stake set up a fucking.
Let's have stake set up a bit.
Yeah.
I think he's a better basketball player than me.
I just want to say this.
I'm not out here saying, like, I knew that I could beat Jason Williams when I played him one-on-one.
I knew that that would happen because I think if he gave you seven in a game to eight.
It doesn't matter.
Like, if he gave me four, I would have done it.
I did what it was needed to be done.
I did what was needed to be done.
I didn't ask for it.
He gave it to me.
I was like, okay, I'll make it interesting.
I think, I think.
Charles is a psycho competitor.
I saw him do a 10-minute plank one time.
No training, just out of it.
It was 11 minutes and 48 seconds for no reason.
For nothing on the line.
And he was like, I'm going to do a plank for 11 minutes.
Well, because somebody said that they could outplank me, and they busted first.
I'm actually impressed by that.
I think it's longer.
I'm there, I think, actually.
Really?
Yeah, we can't exactly say who it is.
It's incredibly impressive.
Yeah, yeah.
But I'll put my body on the line.
Jalen Brunson is a top five NBA player, quite possibly, if not six, seven.
Top five to me.
I mean, I think he's so good.
Like I said, he's better than me at basketball.
What I'm saying is, in a straight-on race, I am better than him.
This is a future Olympic athlete.
It's just genetics.
It's like, do you have fast Twitch or not?
I have more fast Twitch.
I also have long legs.
I have a lot of advantages that are unfair.
I'm all legs.
My Twitches are unbelievable.
He's one of the fastest Twitches.
All the Twitches in your legs.
Jalen's Twitches are much.
Can he slow down faster than me?
Yeah.
If it was who can get to the fastest speed and then slow down.
There's a brick wall in front of you.
Jalen, I'm going through the brick wall.
I'm going through the brick wall.
100%.
He's, I would say he's a better athlete.
Reluctantly.
I would say.
Lateral quickness, he got you.
Oh my God.
I don't even know if I have that anymore.
Okay.
Actually, glad you brought this up.
No, no, no.
I think he's got me on that.
No, he's got me on everything pretty much in terms of math.
You're pretty good side side.
Pretty good side of side.
I'm just saying.
Yeah, I am pretty good side of side.
But in just a straight race, I'm beating him.
Put it this way: I could D him up like 94 feet.
Like I could do the, I could full court press against Jalen and I wouldn't be like worried.
Like, yes, he would get in front and body me, but I could just run back around in front of you.
It would take him eight seconds to get the ball up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Against me.
I don't believe that.
The other stuff, I believe.
Okay.
Anyway, Steak, you can put some money on that.
Steak is the leader in global betting and you are social casino.
He's been on top sports and political events.
He used the promo code Flagrant for your welcome bonus.
Now, let's get back to the show.
What do you think happens with AI, Giannis?
Wow.
Comedy Clubs Theater00:16:20
This is the generation right now.
Dude, Gen Zers, when you look in Gen Zers' eyes right now, I see they are shell-shocked.
Yeah.
This is the generation that you're being told there's going to be no jobs when they grow up.
They got all this World War III stuff going on.
Their whole lives are recordable.
So they're scared to make a mistake.
Yeah.
Right.
Because their big thing is they don't want to be cringe.
No, that's so cringe.
So one moment can define their whole life.
So they're just walking around to live.
They're scared to live.
This is the first time.
I have daughters, and I, you know, my daughters are someday going to be like, what should I be when I grow up?
And I can't, I'm going to be like, you got nice feet.
Be a foot model on OmniFans.
Yeah.
Because I know that'll be there.
So it's like, I can't say some AI feet are going to figure it out.
Yeah, they'll be a fetish for human feet and my girls, but they'll be one.
I got to be honest with her, right?
I never thought about that.
Like, what do you tell your kids when they go, I want to be this when you grow up?
And you go, that job might not exist.
Well, what I've never considered that.
You look for a job that's way down the line.
Like I'm telling my daughters already, I got a three-year-old and 10-year-old.
I'm saying, plumbers, be plumbers, because AI is not going to be able to do plumbing.
Plumbers not coming into your house for an, you know, an AI version of a robot.
Plumber's not coming in your house for another 10 years.
I mean, another 100 years, I would say.
Plumbers are coming through.
So I think they should do trade skills.
I would have my kids go to a trade school over an Ivy League school all day long.
You think they're not going to have like sewer systems?
No.
No, I'm saying in the sewer systems are like, you know, maybe they have some type of AI technology that can snake your toilet, but that guy, he's going to have to come in.
I'm telling you, dude, I'm telling my daughters to be plumbers or some type of trade system.
There's not going to be nano robots that you can just dump in there and they take you not letting them into your house.
There's going to be discrimination against fucking robots.
Oh, yeah.
That's what's going to be.
I'm actually excited about AI because this is going to get rid of our division.
We're all going to come together versus them.
White, black, Spanish, trans, Chinese, it don't matter.
Happy Treasury to be up.
And that's why I think it's good for all businesses.
Not now.
We've got to get through this storm.
But then eventually there's going to be a major need for, I want the human version of that.
I want the human feet.
I want the human script.
I want the organic.
Do you feel that way with teeth now?
Like you see an actor with real teeth, like they don't have veneers.
It is nice.
It's kind of nice.
Oh, I believe this character is a working class guy.
And then when you see one of these actors that has like these perfect veneers, you're like, I don't think you're working at the shop.
And I wonder if like authenticity comes back in a major way, however, we can find it.
I think so.
You know, like seeing things that are a little bit broken.
Like the music that's going to come out is going to be this perfect version of everything.
Like, well, what if, you know, the early recordings of like hip-hop, like in the 90s, where you could kind of like hear the reverberation of the speakers?
Like, I wonder if that is in the same way vintage clothing is kind of cool to this generation because they're like, oh, this was this real moment.
I wonder if that manifests in all art.
I think you're, I think it will.
I agree with you.
I think that's what it's already the unique experience.
Like, seeing people on screens is like nothing now.
Now going to see someone live is like being what being on TV used to be.
Oh, that's interesting.
So, so the live experience is not replicatable by AI.
So we want to go do live things, but live shit is so fucking expensive now that people are kind of like hesitant.
Well, lower your fucking prices.
I'm not on a road.
Yeah, yeah.
Smart to not be on the road right now.
Why is the road rough right now?
Yeah, it's not great.
So I wonder, I had a theory about this with comedy, actually.
Think that, like, the I think the bubble has subsided a little bit.
Yeah, well, you can tell that by our ticket sales.
Go check out Yannis and Chris on the Ghost Property Owner.
No, but I think, I think there's a version of it.
Like, I remember, I remember, I remember Shane and I were doing a show in Canada, and it was an outdoor show, and there was fucking like 40,000 people.
Like, people were sitting on a bridge watching the show from the bridge, right?
And I was like, Yeah, this is the end of it.
Like, this is, it should never be this big.
And it has to kind of come down.
It doesn't mean it comes all the way down, but I think that like after COVID, everybody wanted to be outside.
They wanted to laugh.
Comedy dominated the culture.
The most influential person in the world loves comedy.
And because of that, there's like you know, interest in the people that he influences, obviously, Rogan.
And I think everybody got those experiences.
And I think for a little bit now, they're just like, all right, we're cool.
We, we saw it.
We saw four or five shows.
Yeah.
And then I don't think it goes away entirely, but I think there's a little bit of a reset.
100%.
It's going to be a purge.
Yeah.
Oh, you think it's purge.
We're just going to, there's going to be some, what do you're cutting the fat or whatever.
Yeah, I just think certain comics are good or whatever.
Certain comics are going to sustain.
And you're just going to see things kind of.
That's why I think the comedy clubs, like, I know there's a lot of people that like, they can't wait to get out of comedy clubs.
Comedy clubs.
I love comedy.
I can't wait to go back to them.
No, comedy clubs because that's what thrives during this time.
It's like going to do a show.
Like, don't get me wrong, the arenas are fucking awesome.
It's amazing, et cetera.
But tell me about it.
I don't, I would.
I love them.
They're incredible.
No, no.
But like, I don't think anybody gets tired of seeing their favorite comic with 200 people in a room.
No.
300 people in a room.
Also, too, the audience.
One thing I realized too, the audience doesn't really care about the difference.
Like, if you want to go do a theater or an arena, it's amazing.
Obviously, you make money, big people.
But then you run the risk of like someone sitting in section 10,000 that was like, oh, I didn't even really think it was that funny.
And it's not the performance.
Like, you were distracted.
You got to make the show for them.
Like, that was the thing.
It's like when we did, when we were doing these big venues, it was like very intentional.
How do you make the show so those people up there can experience it as close to those people down there?
And I think a lot of people just go, oh, I do comedy shows in comedy clubs.
Now I'm in a theater of 5,000 people.
I'll just do the same thing.
It's like, well, people aren't going to come back if that's what you do.
It has to change.
When you do 50 people in a little like one-off room in the city, it's going to be different than when you do 500 people.
Like, do you remember going to your first funny bone where it was like 500 people?
Yeah.
And do you remember like your jokes feeling thin?
Yeah.
Like you're like, whoa, this is a little bit different.
Like when there was 200 people packed in the cellar, I'm ripping and all of a sudden it feels a little bit distant, right?
So I think there has to be that adjustment.
I think it just exploded.
And I'm curious what happens in the next five years.
Yeah.
Well, it's definitely going to recede for sure.
Because you're right.
It's gotten to the peak.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So what does Steve Martin said in his book when he went to the stadium and he was like, this is what I knew.
I had to, this was not comedy.
Sustainable.
Yeah, this is crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was like it became like it became a part of people's identity to like like comedy and want to see comedy less than it was, I just like that person.
I want to be there.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I know exactly what you do.
It's almost like football in Europe.
Like I just, I got to go see Manu because that's my team and I got to do it.
Like comedy was people's team in a lot of ways.
And I think like now it goes, if I really like that person, I need to go see them.
And the problem is too, mention the economy.
It's like you might have, they might really want to go see you, but for other comics who are on similar strategies, similar universes and podcasts.
$300 a night.
They went and saw them and they're like, I just don't have the money.
I really would love to see you.
I just don't have.
And maybe that year you don't get picked because they just saw you 18 months ago.
So you come back in the other one.
But I think the comedy clubs too, it's also, I personally like just, you know, we're doing comedy 15 years, 20, 50.
Like we've been doing it a long time.
Now, it's like I realized like I wanted, I'd rather do the packed comedy club or you know, small theater because then I feel like a comic.
I know there's more money getting bigger like that.
But I've also said to myself, well, also, time is money, and I got kids now.
So it's like, do I want to go on a world tour?
If I was going to do it, I would do it once and I would try to bring my family as much as possible because I love the art of stand-up.
I will do stand-up all day till I die, hopefully soon.
But I hate the road.
I do not care about performing in any other city.
I couldn't care less how the room is, how the vibe is.
I like being in New York.
I like being home with my family.
If my family's with me, I'll go anywhere.
If they're not with me, I would truly love to just do it here as much as I can because I don't, I never considered the road.
I started comedy before I had a family.
Once you have a family, you're like, things change.
Yeah.
What?
Like, I got to miss my kids' recital.
Yeah.
I know I'm making money and it's for them, but it's like, is it for them?
My parents didn't leave me any money.
Move to Vegas, my boy.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, that's that's what happens.
Well, my girl can't leave state lines that'll change when you marry her in nine years.
I'm going to keep finding ways to push it back.
Yeah.
Buying time, baby.
You're serious.
You're back in clubs.
Because I put off theaters for like a year and a half.
I think I'm finally going 2026.
I'm going to put the theaters now where I can really do the theaters, where I can, where if it's like I can easily sell it out, or you're adding shows at the theater, like New York, Boston, Chicago theater, I'll do because those I can do it there.
But the other places, why?
Do the theaters where you can add shows.
That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'll tell a lot of guys.
It's like a lot of people are so excited to do the theater, they don't realize you make less money in the theater.
Yes.
So they're just excited to do it so that they're saying you're doing a theater.
And that is like a cool accolade as a comedian.
I remember coming up and like, oh, one day I'm going to be able to perform in a theater, right?
But if you don't mind doing the thing, if you don't mind doing a few shows, then wait until you're doing multiple theaters.
For me, the arenas are sick.
I'm not going to lie.
I don't want to seem like I'm bagging on it.
Like, it's fucking unbelievable.
It was like.
Well, the way you do it, it's like fucking John Cena's coming out.
Explosion.
Yeah.
I would just come out there and be like, hey, guys.
And they'd be like, what the fuck?
Well, that's what you can't, because then I feel like they get upset at that.
Yeah.
So I should come out in like a toga.
No, just put, like, spend the money.
Like, it costs tens of thousands of dollars to put those fucking screens up.
But that's the difference between somebody way back there who like spent all the money they saved up for a month to go to the show enjoying it and not.
And if I was them and I saved up money for a month to go see the show and then I couldn't even really see the act, I'd be fucking pissed off too.
So the idea, at least for us, is like, how do we make sure that every single one comes back?
And so far, you know, knock on wood, that's been the case.
So yeah, arenas.
And if you could do them, I mean, it's just obviously it's a big show financially.
You just make so much money.
But for me, when I'm on the road, I just look at the money I make on the road as freedom coupons to be back with my family.
So if I'm going to go do a theater and make way less money, I'm always going to pick the club because I'm like, this means that I don't have to go on the road for the next two weekends.
That's really all I care about.
Like the moment you gave me an opportunity to make a full living not leaving New York City, I would take it immediately.
That's called podcasting.
Well, I feel like I have it already.
I feel like I could do that already, but it's just you convince yourself to stay in the treadmill.
So that's why I like to just say publicly a lot because then I like when my girl hears it and tells us, were you doing that already with your podcast?
You can just do that already.
So why are you going on the road?
I'm like, you know, because I'm an idiot.
The point of it, I don't know, the point of the podcast, I think, is like it gives you the freedom to do stand-up how you want to do it.
Yeah, but I want to do it how I want to do it in New York.
Yeah.
And if you can do it that way.
And I guess to me, like the freedom of making money and like providing yourself on the pod means that like you don't have to go do stand-up when you don't want to.
And doing stand-up as like a job, meaning like you have to go to this place you don't want to do, seems to me like, I don't know.
We did it, you know, for 10 years of our lives growing up, but it's, I don't want to perform for people when I don't want to.
I want to be excited.
Like, I can't wait to get back in that market and I got new stuff for them.
And I'm like, Jeffy and I were, we were actually talking about this on the way over here where, like, you know, you're walking, we walked like what, 20, 30 city blocks.
We got our steps in.
We got our steps in.
And it's like, you know, the love that you feel from the people in New York walking around.
Oh, Inus, you guys are back.
What's up?
And then even the financial aspect of it, like, I mean, the creative aspect of it, number one, like how free we are, say whatever we want, do whatever we want, make the jokes you want.
And then the financial aspect of it, we're like, oh, you have to consciously tell yourself, like, you have it already.
Like, there's not more out there to get.
It's like you convince yourself, I need this.
If once I get this, this will happen.
It's like, no, you have it or we have it already.
Do you feel sometimes that like you don't have it?
Is that what you're saying?
No, well, I think sometimes I feel that it's because of my kids.
I feel, oh, I got to go out of pressure and do so much more for them.
I got to leave them with something.
But then I realized I was left with nothing.
My mom and dad don't have any money, and I'm fine.
I'll fit you.
The tools that I'll give them to be able to self-start anything in their life and go after things is what they need.
They already have in their accounts more money than I've, because I inherited zero dollars.
So they, the money that they already have a better start than me.
So it's like, what is that?
Where's what's the treadmill here for?
I've been doing it for 15 years.
So it's like, just at some point, be like, would you ever take some time off and just like kind of?
Like I said, I love the art of comedy.
I want to take time off the road.
Yeah, 100%.
So at the end of December, I'm all.
I really have these shows booked through December.
I have, so I have, there's no plan to add anything in 2022.
This is the first time I've.
So what I didn't get to start headlining.
I'm way behind y'all.
Like 2021, I think I finally was out on the road.
So I didn't take a break.
Even after it, I took like a month off to get canceled.
I had to wait for Z to get his addiction.
I said to the Indian spot open.
Yeah.
For Hassan to send anthrax.
And then, yeah, and then I had to wait for all these Indian spot open.
I had to wait for anything for Kumail to start just.
You just massaded that whole thing.
He was on the side like that.
I actually sent a fake anthrax.
Go, go.
You're going to be able to do it.
But yeah, so, but this is the first this summer.
I'm doing like one show next week, then nothing in July, then maybe one show in August, two shows in.
And I'm like, oh, this is nice.
But for four years straight, I was like, man, I got to catch up to everybody else in terms of just not money, but just reps.
Yeah.
Because you feel like you grow so much on the road, especially early.
Well, you're in a race with yourself.
That's why you take it out.
It's like you're not ever in a race with anybody else.
I used to look at guys who were headlining and be like, oh, like when I was just doing club spots and be like, dude, I don't know if I could ever get that funny.
And then when I started headlining, I was like, oh, it's not that I can't get that funny.
I didn't have the reps.
And then when I started to feel that growth, I was like, no, well, it's not even on it.
You're a different bag of chemicals in that person.
You have different circumstances, different things.
Absolutely.
But the idea that that level of funny was unobtainable, unattainable, was like, I was like, oh, that's not it.
I just needed the reps.
And now, then when I started getting them, I was like, I want no 10,000 hours.
Now you're cooking.
That's another thing.
I think once you catch, like, once that heat happens, you know, you're just selling out everywhere right now.
So it's very hard to stop doing that when you've been working for so many years.
Like, this is what I worked for.
I remember when you first caught heat, and it was like, I remember you were doing those shows at Times Square Art Center.
And it was, this is like, I'm, this is way throwback.
So any people in New York that really remember 2011 era.
Yeah.
2011.
Yeah.
That was one of the biggest inspirations for me, to be honest.
I was like, oh shit, you can do something on the internet.
People will appreciate it.
And they'll pour into the shows and everything that you're doing.
Because before that, the only salvation was TV.
Yeah, you pretty much.
Right.
But I remember telling you, I was like, dude, this is amazing.
I remember I would call you when I heard someone on the street doing it.
And I'd be like, yos, this is fucking insane.
Like, I just saw this thing happening.
I was like, oh, there's there.
It is possible to do this a different way.
Now it's the only way.
The only way.
It's the only way.
And it's like, so anyway, when you catch that heat, I do think it's important to like put your foot on the gas.
Like I do, like run after it, run after it, run after it.
But after you get a nice little runway where you've been succeeding, I also think it's important to pull back and relax.
That's just me personally.
I know there's guys that are on the road relentlessly.
I don't like doing that because I feel like the jokes they become like versions of the same shit that I've been telling.
And if I take a step back and I wait for a few months and I don't even touch the stage and I start getting really excited to go back on, all of a sudden it's a different perspective.
And then the audience, when they see the jokes, they're like, oh, I didn't see this side of you.
It's like, I didn't know that there was that side of me.
I had to be a human being for a little bit.
You could start to treat it like a band on tour, take a little time off.
And then people get a lot of people.
Put a new album out that's different than something you've ever done.
They get excited for it.
They don't see all the Beastie Boys used to do that.
They would put out a Smash album and then tour, and then they go away for three years because they are in their minds, three years, right at the cusp of about three years.
They were like, people are starting to be like, what about the Beastie Boys?
And then boom, they're back.
And then, yeah, I think even, I don't know how long the Beatles or whatever would take time off, but like, at least the albums feel a little different.
You know, say whatever you want about the Beatles, but like, at least the music feels.
Democrats Illegal Sniffing00:15:22
Okay.
Yeah.
So it's like the music feels a little different.
And then your fans, when they come out, they're having this new experience that they haven't had before.
And hopefully it's good and they like it.
But now every time they come back, they're like, oh, this shit is going to be different.
This shit is going to be new.
And yeah, I think that's how you do it.
You got to remember it's an art.
That's the thing.
It's so, because it's a business, you got to remember that it's an art because.
And you got a lot of people pushing you different ways.
You got, you know, shout out to agents and everybody like that.
Like, I understand that that's how they make money and all that kind of stuff.
But it's hard to not, not even that.
But it is hard when they come with offers for certain things and you have a family and you've got a fucking mortgage.
You're like, oh, we got to do that.
So it's hard to push that off.
But I do think for the art.
You have to remember it's an art or else you keep chasing the money, then you're going to end up hurting yourself.
The money always comes second.
That's the way to look at it.
You're going to end up hurting yourself.
Happy Juneteenth, by the way.
Yeah, that's why we're going to be honest with you.
Right then you decided he was going to be on a nine.
100%.
That's why we're related.
Let's get some four guys.
Let's get fucking four of the white guys in an Indian for fucking Juneteenth.
This is the respect.
This is the fucking lack of feedback.
Three days.
Juneteenth.
It's in a couple days.
Of course, you don't know.
What are my friends who be early on?
I'm early.
Yeah, we should have been late to celebrate Juneteenth.
And that's not a black joke.
That's a Juneteenth joke.
It's late.
Specifically, because that holiday is like a huge money.
That took so long to offer it to the bottom.
That's what it is.
Absolutely.
Disguise fuckface.
Yeah.
You know, it's like Juneteenth.
They plop it right in the middle.
It's like a fucking project.
You're a good person.
A whole month.
He doesn't believe in it.
No, I do.
I really do like you.
You look like a woman in Portland.
You do look like a kid who will sniff a woman's seat after she.
Yeah.
You look like a goddamn that has no kings tattooed around your belly button.
Wait, I actually don't even know what the no kings protest is.
Saying that Donny Tonight wants to be a king and protesting.
They're like 776 and they're protesting against it.
And Walmart paid for it.
Yeah, so what would be the argument about the organization of these protests?
Because it seems like awfully organized.
Well, it was just the money came from, or a big chunk of the money came from one of the heirs of the Walmart.
Was it Kathy Hilton?
Maybe they mix business.
And she got money.
But the argument would then be like the person who benefits the most from not having tariffs and illegal labor is the person that is supporting this no-kings protest.
But then other people are saying that she's separate from the family and that the company itself has disavowed her political affiliation.
Yada, yada.
But as long as everybody's being, you know, law-abiding, I love it.
I think it's cool.
Go protest.
The thing that's so dumb is when you see like when everybody has like a Mexican flag or they have a like a Hamas flag or some shit, it's like, you guys are subverting your own protests.
You're just giving ammunition to your opposition.
Like, why would you do it?
This is what the FBI used to do.
The FBI used to put in fake people.
What is it, CONTEL PROS?
They used to put in fake people to cause violence and fuck shit up so that they could subvert the protests.
And now people do it on their own.
Right, right.
You're doing the FBI's work for it.
Right, right.
Right?
Like, yeah.
So you would think somebody was saying it to us.
I forgot who it was.
Maybe it was Jenk.
You know, Jenk?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Young Turger.
Yeah, Jenkins.
The young Turtle.
So he was saying something like back in the day, like during the Martin Luther King protests, like if there was somebody that was acting out or doing something violent, they would like circle that person and then hand him over to the police because they're like, you are going to subvert this very important messaging.
And right now it feels like it's not exactly happening.
It's going to be very easy to shut down.
And when you say subvert, you mean make moderate people be like, oh, they're bad.
Exactly.
Like, oh, this is what it stands for.
When in reality, I'm sure the majority of people that are out during these protests are not being violent.
They're not doing anything.
Well, the difference with this in 1964 is that they had a message.
They had a whole thing.
Like, we want to change the segregation on the bus lines of Birmingham.
Whereas with this, I don't know what the goal is.
Right.
It's just they're throwing a temper tantrum against Trump.
Yeah.
They don't have like an objective.
Well, some people say the objective is like have a little more empathy for the people who are here illegally.
They have families.
Yeah, it's just harder to make it like a systematic thing when there's no actual law.
Like segregation was a law.
I can go against it.
That's not quite here.
It's a little blurrier.
So it comes across, I'm sure, anybody who's against it as, oh, they're fighting for more illegal immigration.
Yeah.
Which probably not.
They're probably like, yo, these people have been working here for like 10, 20 years.
They got a family and you're sending the dad back to Mexico.
Like that's a little fucked up.
But then people will, it is.
But then people.
And Donnie flipped on it.
Donnie flipped on it.
But people will say then, and when I mean people, I mean my group chat will say that Obama got rid of more illegal immigrants than Trump.
They just didn't publicize it.
The media wants this.
So the media.
Whose fault is that?
But he's saying the media is cherry-picking again and making this a bigger.
Or you could say that the administration ran on it.
So they gave them the opportunity to publicize it.
Maybe.
Naturally, of course, anything Trump does, there are going to be people who are like, this is the worst thing ever and let's organize against it, of course.
But if you run on it specifically and you go, we're going to do this.
And Tom Homan is on every single news outlet, like, we're coming for you.
It's very easy to push back against it when like Obama and Biden did it behind closed doors and didn't really look anyway and sent way more back and probably tore apart way more families and did way more fucked up shit actually, but they don't shine a light on it.
So, and they have maybe protection in the media.
So it's harder to organize against it.
But also Obama wasn't making promo videos of guys with chains sending them to the business.
So he's trying to protect him.
That's what I'm saying.
Also, Communists should be grateful that Trump is so brazen.
Wait, wait, wait.
That's what I'm saying.
They should be grateful that Trump is so out there because then it brings attention to it.
You know what I mean?
If everyone else is doing it so covertly, then they're actually deporting more people.
Trump is good for the liberals.
Exactly.
Yes.
He's making it easier.
He's making America greater.
He's bringing the liberals in.
He's helping everyone.
He's in office and then he's helping Democrats.
But it is interesting.
And I think this is something maybe Democrats do know, maybe they don't know, but like he really responds to public sentiment almost immediately.
Like if he feels his base doesn't like some shit, he backs off of it immediately.
So maybe the way to get him to do the things you want is just to convince his base that they're not interested in it.
Instead of just going, bad guy, Hitler, he's fucked.
Like that doesn't work.
He don't care.
Like he's not the type of person if you tell him to do something will work.
But if his base turns, he's switching it.
Right.
Remember, like, remember he was like, yeah, we're going to turn Gaza into Mar-a-Lago or whatever.
And his base was like, the fuck, we are.
He's like, I was joking about that shit.
I don't even want a Mar-a-Lago out there.
He'll turn.
Yeah.
So like, why isn't that the strategy?
Well, how would you implement that strategy?
I think they did it with the No Kings protests.
Like they said, hey, we don't want this.
And immediately he's like, you know what?
We're actually not going to send people back who are farming.
We need our farmers and we're not going to send our hotel workers.
We need these people.
They're servicing the community.
So there is a version of it where it works.
So just make sure that his base understands it.
That's why I'm curious about the Israel-Iran stuff is because his base does not want intervention.
I think he also realized that you actually do need those people and you can't send them back because Americans don't want the farmers.
Yeah, the farmers just don't function without illegal labor.
Some things just don't function without a legal layer.
I mean, there was Alabama where they did it.
And they actually enacted state law.
You heard about that?
No, tell me.
Yeah, this is like a case study for it.
So a state law where they got rid of all of the illegal migrants and like the economy just plummeted.
And so they reversed it because the farmers were like, yo, we can't, nobody wants to do this.
Nobody can do it.
And then he'll respond to the economy, right?
So if the economy of Alabama is shit and you have all these senators and congressmen going, yo, we can't sustain this.
We need to do something.
He'll move on that.
So I think the way is to just show the public sentiment.
The reason I kept asking about AI is because like the next election is probably JD versus, who knows, AOC or Buddha Judge or something like that.
But like he likes it in the Buddha church.
So like this is the AI presidency, right?
Like and like JD's from this part of Ohio, like Appalachia, right?
Which is like was ravaged by outsourcing and technological advancement.
Like it destroyed.
I think there's this rule called like the Appalachia student grant, where if you have a 3.0 GPA, you get into any school in Ohio for free.
So they treat him like Native Americans.
Louisiana has a similar thing.
Okay.
Just fucking idiots all over the place.
He's this guy, right?
And it's like, how is he going to grapple with this idea that AI is going to do to the country, most likely, what happened to the place that he is from?
Right.
And you're funded by tech.
And big tech wants it more than anything.
And they've been investing in him for fucking two decades.
So how is he going to handle it?
And I do think he has empathy for these things.
Like, obviously, he grew up in that community.
And I think that, like, say whatever, you know, the internet will say all these different things, but I think that he has empathy for people.
And I think that's why he's a good communicator.
But like, that is a big thing to fucking grapple with.
Are you going to be supportive of this transition when it could ravage the country in the same way that the community you came from has been ravaged?
And how are you going to handle that?
Right.
Like, that's murky.
What do you do?
Do you say to the tech guys?
Do you say, hey, fuck you, this is going to kill the country?
Do you invest in like transitioning the workforce to I think you just gracefully lose an election?
You go, I don't want that responsibility.
I don't want that to be on.
I'm going to run and you try, but I think it's going to swing back left after this.
Really?
I really do because Trump is not really delivering on a lot of people.
On the promises.
I mean, the wars are still going on.
His big, beautiful bill.
He's raising the debt by trading the dollar.
He's still debt.
He's spending.
He did a military career that was a fucking joke for 40-something million.
He's spending and we have a spending problem.
And that's what he ran on.
We're going to cut all this stuff.
And it's.
It seems like he backed off a Doge.
Yeah.
He's just making his deals.
Man, he went to Vietnam.
His son opened the golf course while they were having a tariff war with Vietnam.
They're like, no, we got a billion dollar guard.
The kid's getting rich.
He's got his fucking meme coin.
He's being Donnie.
Yeah.
He's making money.
And already there's just too much chaos and shit going on.
It's like this was the same thing that happened the last time he ran for a second term where it was people go, it's too hot right now.
The temperature is too hot.
I don't like it.
Let's calm down.
And then they put Biden and nobody really was supportive of Biden back then, but they wanted to not be this temperature.
Yeah, dude, Donald Trump has not won an election.
Okay.
Wait, wait, what do you mean?
Hurst.
The Democrats have lost two elections.
I don't know if that's fair.
Oh, come on, dude.
I think that's very, come on.
They ran a candidate who is currently being investigated by the FBI.
The Democrats are so unlikable.
She kills everybody.
Hillary.
Hillary.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And then you don't even have a primary.
She was the first one ousted in the primary.
No, she wasn't the first one.
I agree with that sentiment.
I guess what I would say is like he had to win the primary against the Republicans.
And he did that against all odds.
So I wouldn't take credit.
Nobody wanted him on the Republican Party took over the party.
Simply general general election.
I get what you're saying.
General election.
Yeah.
Dude, I mean, I hear what you're saying.
The Democrats have just been going, this is what our thing is going to do.
We're going to support this culture that's saying, on top of all these white people who are struggling, their jobs are gone.
It's also bad that you're white.
That's going to be our strategy.
And then on top of that, we're going to bypass black people and go, the gay people are the most discriminated against group, and we're just going to focus on all these policies to protect them.
It just wasn't a good idea.
It's just as simple as that.
Do you think that they're able to transition?
Can they look themselves in the mirror and take accountability for those messages?
And I will vote for her.
Just come, well, look at her tit.
Oh, look at her.
I want to look at her for four years.
She's a fucking smokeshow.
She's four room, a fucking slurper poop.
Yeah, she's a hottie with a body.
And it's just time for a stronger.
She's got more teams in Israel.
Yeah, 100%, dude.
Yeah.
100%.
If I was there, January 6th, which I was not, I would run right into that office and sniff for seats.
Sniff for seat.
And he would get there first, but we'd get there second and third.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He would definitely demand.
There's four parties now, dude.
There's four parties.
You got Maggie, you got the old school Republicans.
You got the Democrats.
You got the progressives.
And I think we went extreme right, and I think the progressives are going to come in.
I think this is, you know, we'll become a little bit more Europe-like.
We'll get universal health care.
We'll get some of the things.
The military budget will be cut.
I think progressives can win if they don't make it about identity politics.
If they stay away from identity policy, Bernie was on the pod here, and there's a moment where he just goes, yeah, there's a lot of people, and they're like, oh, I'm gay.
I'm the best.
I'm black.
I'm amazing.
He goes, well, who gives a fuck?
Like, what do you stand for?
And I was the first time I saw somebody on the left in politics kind of acknowledge what everybody feels, which is, hey, why are we making that the zenith?
Why is that?
If you're going to have a thing, it should be like rich, wealth, rich versus poor.
That's what's going to win Benzener.
Rich versus poor will win Bensoners.
Kanye broke that.
We don't like the people should see that just being black or, you know, it's like he's a Nazi.
So it's like, what's the more relevant thing, him being black or him being...
Don't get me wrong.
It is impressive.
He's the Jackie Robinson of Nazis.
He broke the race for him.
Dude, in some weird way, that was Martin Ryan King's dream.
That's a thing.
To be that type of equality, I mean, that's a premise.
I mean, that's true.
You have to respect.
That's great.
I mean, and that shows that we are certainly fascinating when a black boy could grow up in Chicago to become the most famous racist on the planet.
Yeah, yeah.
We are now equal.
And that's why you thought the 1940s Nazis' uniforms were nice.
Way until Conte said, yeah, fashionista.
Yeah.
That's interesting.
Absolutely.
Maybe he broke that.
He did break it.
Maybe he broke that mold going like, oh, what you look like isn't the most important thing.
It's what you see.
And you can see even like the, but you can even see like progressives moving away from that idea.
Simply, like, I would see like write-ups about our pod.
Like, we're the only pod with any diversity, right?
Realistically, we are, right?
And I just see three.
Well, yeah, we have some black guys sometimes.
Yeah, and he's sitting on the side on 13.
But I wish I could see this kid's face.
I can tell you what he is.
We're honoring him.
He's on a pedestal.
No, no, I meant the disguise face.
You thought it was a black child?
I was making a disguise face.
Yeah, Jacob.
Yeah, right.
He's got it.
He's got a, yeah.
But anyway, in terms of like how we were positioned for a while, like none of that mattered.
And all of a sudden, diversity didn't matter.
It was just like ideas.
What do you think?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
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Castle Doctrine Bullets00:04:40
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People just want to fight.
I mean, you know, at the end of the day, our base thing as a human being.
I mean, we've talked about this.
There was how many different versions of there was like Homo sapien, Homo, there was a bunch of different homos types of people.
And then we, as the Homo sapiens, we won this thing.
How did we win?
Because we were the most ruthless and the most, we were the ones built, our humanoid was the ones built, designed for war, the savage.
Why was that?
Like, what happened to Neanderthals?
What happened to the other people?
We're just more savage than them.
Homo sapiens from any part of the world.
So I think our baseline state of being is war.
And then when you can't, aren't physically fighting in war, you'll find it another way.
I'll find a problem with a podcast that is very diverse.
I'll find a problem with negativity.
I'll find a problem with a religion.
I'll find a problem at home.
Because that's our baseline.
That's who we are.
That's why you're we have to overcome the negativity bias, which is you know in us from evolution.
Trauma EMDR Therapy00:15:13
It's just horrible.
And that's religion, right?
And that is Jesus coming through, going, Hey, I love you.
Yeah.
Where I forgive you for the shit that you're going to do that's fucked up because you have your negativity bias.
I'm here to fill you up with love so you don't do that stuff.
And when you do fuck up, I forgive you again.
Right.
And wow, you could see how like profound that is.
Well, I wonder if it took down the temperature throughout the world when it took over.
Well, or some people would say religions killed more people than anybody.
Because they needed a fighting about different things.
People would say, there's the argument that fucked it up.
Exactly.
They'll say, Jesus, nobody's killed more people than the idea of.
We don't got time for that, though.
It's an emergency, dude.
We're close to the fucking world we're thinking about.
We're not on the chat chi team.
Put everyone on a low dose.
On a low dose of Lexapro.
You can get the Lexapro, put it in the water supply.
And fucking come, everyone.
Are you on the line?
Yeah, why do you think we restarted the podcast?
Wait a minute.
Tell me, tell me, tell me.
Daddy's on medicine.
I have five milligrams of Lexapro.
I mean, most people say it doesn't do anything, but if the placebo effect is not going to be a problem.
I can tell you it does a lot.
Look, okay, so this is something that I've seen.
Like a lot of my friends that I grew up with that are kind of like 40s parents, like a staggering percentage of them are on a low dose of Lexapro.
Yeah.
And nobody's having a conversation about this, but they're all kind of happy.
Yeah.
Especially the ones that are not living the life that they thought they would live.
They are much more accepting of this life.
Is that what it does?
Well, I had a complicated situation, dude.
When I had kids, something happened.
Like I started realizing so much about who I was and my life and where I come from and my parents' trauma.
I'm the, you know, that was big.
And I've had trauma, you know, I've had violent things happen to me.
And so, you know, you have kids and then you love them so much and you don't want them to go through that.
And you, but you also start comparing it to your childhood.
And you're like, and so a lot of traumatic, I started having like, you know, anxiety and panic and went on a journey and, you know, did EMDR therapy, which is what's that?
Right.
EMDR therapy, it's the it's sort of the, you know, it's the gold standard for trauma therapy.
I did trauma therapy.
And what they do is it was created by this chick Shapiro in the 80s.
And it's bilateral stimulation.
So the whole goal of it is to simulate REM because when your body, when your mind is in REM, you access your subconscious and so and you reprocess the memories, you know, from a safe place as an adult to sort of reprocess those emotions.
I mean, the whole, we're going through another, like we had the pharmacological revolution in mental health.
Yeah.
now we're sort of we know now that pills are not the long-term cure that they were so now we're going into this trauma in the body and it seems to be all the science because we've we've been able to to mix neuroscience with uh all these schools of uh psychiatry that have been around and and and pills and everything and figure out a lot and learn a lot because they can see parts of the brain they can see that trauma is not stored the way it's supposed to be stored in your brain.
Some of it they think is in your gut.
Some of it is inherited through your mom.
Your mom went through something horrible.
You inherited that.
A remnants of it.
I'm on a low dose of Lexipro too.
No way.
I talked to, so I have a doctor, Omar Duran.
He should be talking about.
Fucking low dose, baby.
Low dose, brother.
So I would just talk to him about like, well, I can't sleep, whatever.
And then he would, for like a year, he'd be like, hey, you might have some level of anxiety.
I would kind of brush it off.
And then I talked to another, like a psychiatrist who specializes in sleep.
And I just told him about life, whatever.
How long ago?
It was a few months ago.
And he was like, I think...
Has been selling out shows ever since.
Yeah, yeah.
It works, dude.
Fucking kids.
He said people who grew up in that kind of situation often have anxiety.
It sounds like you have anxiety.
And then I've been seeing a therapist for like 10 years.
And I was like, yeah, I guess maybe I have like some low level of anxiety.
I can just function with it.
And she literally goes, yeah.
Like it was the most obvious thing in the world over years.
And my wife had been saying it too because my wife has like general anxiety disorder, whatever, OCD.
She has these things diagnosed.
And she would look at me and be like, I think you have anxiety.
You just can function really well with it.
So you have changes in the last, I do think so.
And I noticed when I used to get mad, especially like within the relationship, the temper would be like, I'm screaming, I'm going nuts, I'm whatever.
And now that has pretty much died out.
So I do notice that.
That's one thing I have.
I thought back.
I was like, oh, since I started and my body's adjusted to it.
We're also too, I think, like, I'm sleeping a little bit better.
Through evolution, like anxiety might not be a thing, you know, I don't know, 50,000 years from now because we have it because when we, we were just another animal on the plane.
We were just another animal at some point that would just get eaten by a lion.
So we needed a level of anxiety for survival.
We don't need it anymore.
We don't have a social utility for this anxiety that's baked in us.
So it's like searching for things to justify itself.
Yeah.
Wow, that's really interesting.
It's why in war-torn countries, they don't have the problems we have because they just have one major problem and that's staying alive and being killed and gassed by whatever, you know, person enemy wants to gass them.
They don't have generalized anxiety.
Yeah, their anxiety is used to.
They're not worried about, they're not even fighting with their spouses half the time because they're like, we have to survive.
So we have this, our anxiety is actually being used for the, for the human.
You're basically saying that their life is not that dissimilar to the anxiety that a human 20,000 years ago would go through.
So their anxiety is being used for what it was designed to be used for.
So therefore it doesn't trickle into bullshit.
But what we know about the nervous system now, and we know it, is that your nervous system is the most archaic part of your brain.
And the communication between the neocortex and the nervous system is not great.
So your nervous system will respond before your reasoning gets a chance.
And that, so anything that reminds that person of that trauma, it reacts.
And your brain, it actually shuts your reasoning down and for good reason because you don't want to reason when a lion is on you.
You don't want to start philosophizing when you're about to get eaten.
So that's what trauma is.
And so I was brought up by two traumatized people.
I didn't really know it was normal for me.
War-torn people.
Yeah.
I mean, my mother lived under German occupation for four years.
Something bad happened to her.
She told me every day a Nazi soldier would come to her house.
The way I look at it now and the way the therapists explain it to me is probably that's the way she remembered it by disassociating.
That's what that was a big part of occupation.
And my dad is a war veteran.
So my dad actually had PTSD.
He actually, when he came back from Korea, he spent like a month in a hospital.
He had the rash.
They called it shell shock back then.
I was on the corner with my dad once and a tire exploded.
My dad fucking crawled under a car.
You didn't have to yell the N-word, though.
That part was unnecessary.
Yeah, that wasn't necessary.
But the look in his face interviewed me.
Remember as a kid, looking at someone who's there, but they're not there was the crazy.
And now as an adult, I realize what it is.
And then my panic attacks didn't start.
I didn't have any until I got shot and I didn't know what it was.
So after you got shot, you got shot in your 20s, right?
I got shot in my 20s.
20s was when you were like doing the nightclub thing.
I first started doing comedy.
Yeah.
And then, so you get shot, panic attacks happen.
Do you associate them to that?
Or are you just like...
No, I had no idea what was going on.
The internet was just starting right there.
I had no idea.
You can't even look up this information.
Yeah, I didn't even know what was going on.
It was just like what?
I'd get on the train and I'd start bugging out and sweating and I'd be like, what is going on?
Then, of course, you go, something's wrong with my health.
Yeah.
So then you start worrying about something's wrong with your health.
And then I went to a therapist and I worked through it and it went away, but it didn't totally go away.
This is the EMDM.
No, no, no.
This was back then.
Then you got the EMDR.
EMDR.
So it's fascinating.
And all the science, they use it now in all the VAs.
It's the most effective form of treatment for people with PTSD.
Can you tell me like what exactly they do?
So what they do is they bilateral stimulation.
So they get your eyes to move back and forth.
You can do that with a ball.
You can do that with the ball.
Ball doesn't have to go very far with you.
With me, they just go.
EMDR with me is just like you actually don't even have to move it.
Yeah.
And then they take you back through the memory.
It's like calindrum.
That was a good one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Keep going.
And so, and then they take you back through the memory and you sort of feel yourself experiencing the memory very vividly because you're tricking.
You're hacking your brain.
It's not hypnosis because you're fully aware and fully conscious.
So it's just, it's just hacking your brain by tricking it into thinking you're in a REM sleep, like bilateral stimulation.
So it's all about bilateral stimulation.
You could do it, you know, tapping.
You can do it with fingers.
If you're doing something to activate your active mind, and so your subconscious mind kind of comes out.
Like when you're driving, you come up with good ideas.
I was going to say, maybe sometimes in a long run.
Yes, because it's actually bilateral.
Okay.
So I felt versions of this.
On a long run, yeah, you can get into this almost meditative state.
And you can access these feelings in a way that you can't when I'm just sitting down trying to, where my brain is tearing me in different ways.
Okay.
So you access these things.
And then when you're accessing them, the therapist is like helping you deal with them.
Or is it simply just acknowledging that?
Things start to come up.
You start to remember things, right?
You start to remember it.
And then the whole goal is to reprocess the memory as an adult.
The ultimate goal is to look back and sort of help yourself, be the parent if you were neglected.
You know, give the hug.
And so then you kind of re-remember it that way in a sort of way.
It's very interesting how the brain works, but you process it and you process those stuck emotions.
The emotions are stuck.
So it is kind of cool that we do have the ability to move past these traumas, but we have to access them in a way where we are, I don't want to say vulnerable enough, but like vulnerable enough to actually acknowledge what has happened.
What I've learned from doing this, man, is that most people don't know why they are, why they are, who they are.
It's all childhood.
Freud was right about one thing.
It's all from the childhood.
When your brain is developing, we know that too.
The first five years are the most important.
The brain develops until it's 25.
So for an example, I just get like some guy, you know, feels like he wants to get out of his marriage or something.
And he's like, something's wrong with my wife, really.
And he feels trapped just when he's home.
He has no idea that the reason he feels trapped is because when he was home, he was trapped with two parents who were fighting, throwing shit.
He has no clue that he feels that thing because of his childhood.
So he just projects it onto his person who's completely innocent.
And you can go to ChrisDcomedy.com and see that guy despair.
While I was giving the example, I was going like, am I fucking about Chris right now?
I love you, babe.
You know, I'm just kidding.
You said I could do those things now.
I was still joking around because you know that I love you.
I truly think the future of humanity depends on us.
Decoding us on an individual that like, somehow we it, because we're the complex species, we're the one that's creating all this problem.
We're the ones who need to get control of our brain and figure out who we are, why we are, and it's usually because of childhood trauma, a child things that happen in your childhood that make you the way that you are.
And we, we project it out into the world, unconsciously.
Yeah, because we have experiences.
Pharmacological approach was a brilliant band of it, but it's a brilliant innovation, but it is a band-aid.
But sometimes in order for society to function for a lot of us we needed a little bit of a band-aid and but now we're accessing it, or at least understanding it, on a different wavelength.
Wow, that's awesome.
And have they have, like the vas, seen massive improvements from 100?
Really real science?
It's crazy.
It's just you know, you hear about and you go like there's it's, it's a real science, you can go research it yourself.
It's like I said, you felt like transformation in your life.
I felt transformation.
But it's not it's not just the Emdr alone, like that.
You have to prep for the Emdr and then when you do the Emdr your, your pathways get open up so they know they can correspond with the neuroimaging.
What's happening?
Holy, we have neuroplasticity.
Yeah, when you're young your neuroplasticity is very elastic and you can change very quick.
That's why you can learn a language real quick.
And when you're old it's tougher.
Yeah, but it's still possible.
Yeah, so you know there's more resistance, it's harder to change, but you're actually through emdr, building new pathways and um, so that's cool to know that you can still change like that.
You're not locked into this childhood.
That was not your fault at all.
You just have to be willing to express.
Let me tell you something.
It's painful or it is painful.
It is painful how long a period is?
Can you talk about interrupt?
Yeah no yeah, can you talk about what the you revisited?
Like, if you're willing to like?
This is what happened.
This is what the the therapist or whatever asked me and made me revisit.
Yeah, I was brought up with a brain injured brother, so that's where it started.
Right, my parents just left me.
Not the gay one, not the gay one.
That's different.
Yeah, I was brought up with a brain injured brother and you know, my mom was a human rights lawyer, so she was out fucking trying to take care of the children, which was another thing that I know.
Oh, I know why you're doing that now.
Now I know why you're doing that.
Now I know why you're doing that.
Yeah, now I know why you're doing international rights at kids and that's what's her thing.
I'm like, I get it.
Yeah wow, it's sad it.
Even when i'm saying it it's real up.
But um, you know, I was left with a brain injured, brother.
Um, you know, my parent, my father, was working all the time and so I was left um with him and it was a confusing.
It was uh, as my therapist put it, developmentally inappropriate.
So I was left with something, a lot of responsibility, but I was responsible for him and it was just the two of us.
So my nervous system just developed In this hyper state, and then I got shot, which fucking reinforced it.
And is that why you think that the therapist says that's why he thinks you would put on your mother's fishnet stockings because you want it to be your mother?
Because that's a real thing.
No, actually, yeah, but you actually thought it was a perverted thing, but you were actually being a baby.
You're very vulnerable.
You're a brain-injured mother, you throw on the nets.
That's why we call me net.
It was a throw on fishnets around.
Yeah, it's a completely normal thing.
I made it into, yeah, I made Joe.
It was one of my shit.
We all do shit.
I should throw on my mother's high heels.
Yeah.
So, you know, we all have things.
That's the best way to have this combo.
Yeah, it's called being from New York.
So I would get so panicked when I was a kid and I didn't remember.
I would go try to smell my mother's clothes, which is what all mammals do.
And now I look back.
It's a comfort.
It's a comfort.
Because I was just at home alone and with my brother.
And so I would smell her clothes.
And then I would smell her stockings.
Next thing you know, I was throwing a mother.
Next thing you know, Marisa was created.
You've seen me.
There's some experiment where they have it's, I think it's a monkey, and they have a monkey that's a caricature of a monkey.
It's actually not real.
And they put it in some like furry outfit.
And then they have one that's like just made out of metal.
And the monkey will always gravitate towards the more comfortable, softer version because you are seeking the comfort of your mom's.
The metal one has food.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It wouldn't even go to the food one that's metal because it doesn't want food.
It wants the nurturing comfort from the mom.
Oh my God.
Blue Zones Long Life00:07:26
We can't.
They did this.
I think it's Romania.
They did this where the babies were unattended.
If you look up the study or some, it's a very important study where the babies weren't comforted or didn't get, they were orphans or something.
And then a lot of them just died because they didn't get care.
Like we actually humans need care.
We're vulnerable for the first five years.
Like community is so important.
Like I have a deals with a lot of like psychological issues.
And like when he is at his best, it's when he's socializing.
So like friend group, take him away from his friend group for a few weeks and he'll really struggle.
Like, and I mean like severely struggled.
Have him with his friends just hanging out.
And all of a sudden, these like psychosomatic behaviors that start to like just kind of like, I want to say evaporate.
Subside a bit.
But they subside a bit.
Like the temperature just kind of comes down.
And I guess that is the big concern you always hear people talking about where it's like, if we're all online, there is like a cold callousness for being online.
Like it is like the band-aid, right?
It's like you think you have community, but you don't have the nurture.
You don't have the high five.
You don't have the hug.
You don't have like your friends celebrating you when you hit a game where you shot in some fucking beer league, right?
And wow, man.
I didn't.
Wow.
That's why online is bad for your mental health.
Yeah.
The online is just bad.
But especially the isolation.
Yeah, the isolation of it, but also just our brains are not evolved to our brains can't tell the difference between real and fake.
Like we just, our nervous system can't.
When you're having an anxiety attack, even though you know it's not real, your body is reacting.
It's a real thing.
But that's why those centauri, though, every place you go to that has a majority, that has a high percentage of 100-year-old people or more after diet.
Of course, the second most thing, even more than exercise, is community.
The ones who live amongst a community and talk to someone on a regular basis live so much longer than the ones who don't.
That's why people die in nursing homes.
100%.
You're taking them, you're isolating them.
We're a social species.
That's how we see it.
What it is.
That's why we have the negativity bias.
When someone says something negative about you, we're focused on that and not the 100 compliments because you want to make sure you're in the tribe.
You're still like, it's just all built into us.
Yeah, they said we had Peter Attia.
Do you guys know a Peter?
Sure, Dr. Peter Attia.
I love him.
And but he said zone two heart rate.
Facts.
But he said an interesting thing where he said that community is like one of the most important things, 100%.
But he also said, he goes, we shouldn't be looking at centenarians, they're called.
We shouldn't be looking at centaurions for health advice because they are the LeBron James of people.
So you go to all these centarians like, yeah, I smoke a cigarette every single day.
I go to night with some whiskey.
He's like, yeah, yeah.
They're living long in spite of that.
They're the outliers.
Not because of that.
So we have to be very careful to copy their behaviors.
But in terms of community, massive.
And I think that's why they say like guys who are in a golf league or a tennis league, like all these pickleball, whatever you want to say, they're living much longer.
It's not pickleball.
It's the fact that every day you're hanging out with four other people talking shit.
Yeah.
And here's a big aspect that I experienced personally because one of the blue zones is Ikaria, which is the Icarians.
And so they have that in Greece?
It's Greece.
It's Greek islands, one of the blue zones.
And so they hired me, right?
So they have an Icarian, you know, convention every year in different cities.
So they hired me to do their show.
They come to a hotel.
They have festivals.
I experienced it firsthand, right?
So the show was like at 10 p.m. or 9 or whatever.
It was done at like 11.
And they took me to this ballroom.
It was like midnight.
It was empty.
And I was like in my mind, I'm like, oh, the party's over here, right?
It's done.
And they're like, no, we haven't begun.
And I was like, what?
It's midnight.
And they're like, no, no, this is when we start.
So, and then I see 90, I swear to God, old people, 90-year-olds, 80-year-olds, four-year-olds, 30-year-olds, 40-year-olds.
They all pack in, drank like fishes, partied like you can't believe traditional music.
Everyone's dancing, going party.
And, you know, they have a joke.
This is why they live long is because they party so hard.
And in the blue zones, that's one of the things too, is they party hard, but it's intergenerational.
You have the kids and the adults, and everybody's.
Everyone parties together.
It's like a Burt Kreischer cruise.
Except the weight's a little different.
Yeah, it's just a little heavier on that cruise.
It's just a little heavier on that cruise.
Yeah, I don't, sometimes I don't know how that boat just fucking stays.
I did a Burt Kreischer cruise and I did the Joker's cruise between the two of them, dude.
I mean, there was a lot of traffic just to get on the line for food, and it was just because people in scooters were holding up the line.
It was actual human traffic in cars.
Yeah, if we ever run out of bombs in this country, I'm going to start just dropping cruise ships, passengers out of planes.
I mean, they're fucking heavy people.
So the intergenerational factor, I think, is important too.
Yeah, you can't just, what do we do in America?
It's like with our old.
Throw them out.
Yeah.
Throw them out.
Throw them out.
And why do we feel more comfortable doing that here?
And do they do that in like Britain?
Like, where did we get this idea?
Because we surely didn't invent it.
I think personally, America is founded on looting.
We're all here to loot.
Our parents and grandparents came here to loot.
They are the people that left their families.
They left their families.
They're here for money.
Every one of us, our ancestors left their families.
100%.
So they might not value, maybe there's something even genetic.
They might not value that community aspect as much as those other people.
And there is an advantage to that because when you aren't as concerned with the group, you can innovate in ways that might piss off the group, but might really be successful.
So that individual spirit is what drives the economy.
It's what drives the identity of the country.
But the cost of it is that connectivity.
Yeah, it's a connectivity.
Also, I think we value who's got the most money.
Oh, yeah.
Thousands of people.
Over wisdom.
So like everyone's like, Elon Musk is a God.
You're like, this motherfucker.
You don't even hang out his kids.
Yeah, it's corny.
He's super catty.
Yeah, it's like so corny.
You know, so we don't value that kind of older wisdom.
We don't look at older people.
We just look at, even when you come to America, and I noticed this when I toured Scandinavia hard.
I noticed it right away.
When you're in Scandinavia, if you say to somebody, what do you do?
They look at you like you're rude.
They're like, they don't even, when you meet someone, they don't do that thing where they go like, what do you do?
That doesn't factor into how I'm telling you, they don't even bring it in.
I know that for a fact because we saw hot chicks working at McDonald's.
I was there with Ricky Belaz and we walked in McDonald's.
Ricky has a great bit about it, but and there was like a smoking hot chick that was like, and I think his joke is, she's like, can I get you some of the drink?
Can I get you something?
You couldn't believe that there was a dime working at McDonald's.
And you would do that, obviously, if you're a kid and you're trying to make a couple bucks and you weren't worried about like societal scrutiny and what people might think.
It's cultural.
It's a cultural difference.
They have something there called the Yanti Loven, which is the law of Yanti, which nobody's bigger than the group.
Don't get too big for your bridges.
We're all kind of in it together.
Now, a lot of people say there's negative to that, and I'm sure there is because in America, you can be who you want to be.
Yes.
But I noticed culturally they don't value that the way we do in America.
What's the first thing you say?
Yeah, what do you do?
What do you do?
And you define who that person is based on what they do.
Yeah, and they're the most important aspect.
It's important that you say that.
There is a cost to that.
There is like a restrictive cost to a lack of an individual spirit.
Like if you come from, my mom's from like a you know working class, like comes from nothing.
The idea that you could like excel is almost like insulting to your community.
Sacred Stepson Fentanyl00:13:59
Right.
Like, who do you think you are?
Is the conversation.
Well, you think you're better than us.
And that is like the restrictive pressure that comes with the community.
The benefit is, you know what?
Maybe none of us are going to make it out, but we all got each other.
But the cost is nobody's making it out.
So it's like, how do you balance that?
That's the tricky thing.
Yeah.
It's a very tricky thing.
You're right.
But that seems to be the way the simulator set this shit up.
Simulators have to do it.
Everything's opposite.
You know, oh, this tastes good.
Well, it's bad for you.
It'll kill you.
Yeah.
You know, it's just set up.
It's set up in opposition.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we do know that there's a God, I think, at this point.
Yeah, of course.
I think the more we learn about, you know, the universe and how it's going to be.
When did you come to that realization?
I feel like you weren't.
Yeah, I was very skeptical, but let me tell you something.
My dad died.
This is when it started.
My dad.
Fentanyl?
Fentanyl died of fentanyl.
No, my dad died when he was 91.
And, you know, the thing he wanted the most gets us all.
What'd you say?
Fentanyl.
Yeah.
Yeah.
91.
Yeah, you were fentanyl.
So he died.
And the thing he wanted so much was grandkids, right?
And I didn't, I wasn't able.
One brother's brain injured.
The other one's gay.
So I'm the only one.
Yeah.
A lot of pressure.
And it didn't happen.
I didn't make it to the kids to show him the kids.
But a year after he died, my daughter was expected and born on his birthday.
Oh, wow.
Right.
So that's a one in 365 chance of that.
A year after he dead.
I mean, my daughter's, you know, it's crazy.
And then to put how crazy that is, real quick, like there's a two-day window you can even knock up your wife every month.
Yeah.
But let me ask you this.
Like, think about how it is insane the numbers are.
I know.
I know.
It's crazy to me.
It's not even like if you timed it, it would happen.
Like, you sometimes go, okay, I'm going to have sex with my wife nine months before his birthday.
So we might, no, no, her, her, her regular or menstrual cycle might not even match up.
That's all wow.
And it went even for spiritual.
You're not saying that your daughter is a man trapped inside a woman's body.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
I thought you were trying to point that.
See, that's why you are Maurisa.
No, but then it is your wife.
That is quite the possibility.
It's possible.
It could be your dad.
When we went to the hospital, too, and this was personal, but it's unmistakable.
And it just made me know that, like, oh, dude, I don't know anything.
You know, there's forces out there.
There's things.
Humbling.
It's humbling.
We get there and we turn on the TV.
And so what's on TV is a cooking channel.
And the person on the cooking channel is making Colt's Law.
They're showing making Colts Law, which is the most throwaway food.
I don't even know why they put it on the plate.
And so, but my dad loved Colts Law.
He grew up working in his dad's diner, of course.
My grandfather had a diner.
He would go to the diner and he would order more Colts Law.
Sometimes he would just eat Colt's Law.
How the fuck did he live to 91?
I don't know.
Outlook.
He's the only dude I know who loves.
I mean, what I mean, he loved Colt's law.
He loved Colt's Law.
And coffee.
He would always drink a lot of coffee.
I got to know Yanni's dad at the end.
He was a fascinating person.
You're so good looking, you should play for the doctor.
Yeah, you're good.
My dad was hilarious.
My dad would go, you know, he's gay.
He's gay as a $3 bill.
Yeah, his dad was always.
Tell me, keep going, keep going.
So, so it was on the cold slaw.
And I just immediately, I'm just going like, I just felt chills everywhere on the edge of his presence.
And like on his birthday, the cold slaw.
And I just don't look, I don't know.
And I've learned a lot.
I meditate now.
And all that stuff.
I think it's all the same shit.
Yeah.
And, you know, we're talking about Iran, Zoroastrianism.
I looked into that.
It's all the same shit.
It's about we are not our minds.
You know, and then when you separate and you meditate and you realize you're not your mind, which is something you identify with a crazy experience.
It's a feeling.
And then you go like, it's liberated.
But then you're also going, then what?
Yeah, when am I here?
And then you're like, you're, then you feel a part of this everything.
Yeah.
And like, it's in everything.
And then so you're it's either God.
Yeah.
But that's, but you, you guys are taking it in the best possible way.
Like there are some people when they come to that realization, when they are humbled, they go, well, everything's nothing and therefore fuck it.
I had, I had a little bit of that.
Well, no, but I think, I think that nihilism kind of takes over some people and there's like a bitterness and an anger that comes from it.
The other version of it, which it seems you are right now, it's kind of really beautiful thing.
Like, hey, we're not our minds.
We are interconnected.
There might be a bigger force out there.
And it's, yeah, it's kind of beautiful to assume.
Make absolutely no mistake.
Yanni is on the beam.
And what on the beam means is he is he is present inside God's warmth and love at all times.
He is on the beam.
If an airplane, the way that it can land the plane is it has a beam that is getting from air traffic control.
And if it stays on the beam, it's going to land.
If it goes off the beam, Air India.
So what Yanni is on the beam, folks, he is present within God's warmth and love in a way that I've never seen in our friendship.
The kid is on the beam big.
And I feel like you're on the beam.
I feel like I'm on the beam.
And I do feel very similar to Yanni, even in those stories about the spirituality of having a child, how beautiful that was.
Because when my girl was pregnant with our first order, when we got our very first appointment on the sonogram, I realized I had sex with the girl at the sonogram in high school.
And that was just a neighborhood.
I'm joking, obviously.
And she was a nine-year-old woman.
It was Yanni's dad.
But I, no, I do feel, I do feel one thing, one thing that I've accepted.
You know, you go through all this stuff.
Life's just getting older.
It's making a lot of mistakes.
It's failing.
It's hardships.
It's all that.
It's, I feel that, and Yanni and I have spoken about this, where for me now, still have residual anxiety.
There's still things to be nervous about.
There's still things to be upset about, obviously.
But for me, I always think about it this way.
And this might sound like nihilism, but it's not.
Is no matter what, no matter what, we have a one-way ticket to die.
We are dying.
Nobody's getting out of this planet alive.
So if you told me suffering and depression and anxiety was going to somehow get me off that train of death, I would do it.
But since either way, I'm going that way, I might as well be happy and enjoy everything because there is nothing that will save me.
So I accept that, but it's a very positive thing for me.
I think that I think you've made some decisions in your life that are very admirable.
You know, like you have, you take care of a kid that's not yours.
My stepson, sure.
And have embraced him.
And it seems like built a relationship with him.
Like, I think there are a lot of guys that are in your situation that might not do that.
No, because.
And I just want to compliment you.
I think that that's like a very, I think it's a courageous thing.
It's the right thing to do.
And it's an incredibly mature thing.
And a lot of people aren't confronted with a decision like that.
Right.
And a lot of people don't have the maturity when they are to even kind of like embrace that other guy that's in the picture and make sure that that kid doesn't feel like he's not part of the family.
Yeah.
So I think that there's some, there's a lot of love in you, my man.
100%.
A lot of love it that because for me, it's I look at him, my stepson, as an extension of my daughter's, right?
I mean, that's who he is.
And he's and number one, before I had children, he was, I fell in love with the woman, and that was her child, the most sacred thing to her.
So, how can I, you're not allowed to, how could I not, you know, how could I discard him?
You know, like he, he's, he's my child.
Fuck me after you're 18, though.
Two grown men.
Yeah, we're just guys.
You're not my guy, yeah.
No, I love my kids like they're my own.
You know, all three.
That's why I always say I'm three kids.
How do you balance that?
Like, you are that person.
You're his stepfather.
You're friends with his father.
But like, you're also someone that I imagine like he looks up to.
You're someone that I imagine you have a huge responsibility in his life.
Like, do you, can you, can you, like, reprimand is maybe the wrong word, but like, can you say that he's not doing something right?
Like, do you navigate it differently with yourself?
So what I do is with him.
What I do is with him.
I definitely cut him a lot more slack than his mom does, but it's his mom's more, it's his mom's role.
I'm a disciplinarian.
When I step in, it's almost very old school with it.
I step in and that because I understand.
And I always use the same word with him.
And I say, listen, your relationship with your father is sacred.
That's a sacred thing.
That is your father.
So anything you always want to go.
If you're feeling conflicted, I'm telling you now, go with what your dad thinks because that is a sacred relationship.
And he, I said, there's no one that's going to ever love you like your mom and dad.
Even though I love you with everything, your mom and dad, it's a sacred thing that I only understand because I have that sacred bond with your sisters.
But that doesn't mean I love you as much as you can imagine.
But it's a thing from nature that's just something you'll understand when you have kids.
But I get involved in a bigger way when I feel like a man needs to say something to him.
Like when I see him, it's not about the schoolwork or the not listening or whatever, but when I see I come on when he gets disrespectful to Jasmine or to our daughters, I don't say, don't you talk to him like that.
I say what you've just done, buddy, is you've taken the easy way out.
It's much easier to yell back at your mom and your sisters.
It's much harder to say, I'm a man.
And what I'm going to do is process what you said and walk away.
Or what I'm going to do.
And go fucking punch a wall.
Yeah, it's what it is.
That's what I load those and keep it.
I always tell him, don't take the easy way out.
You know, it's so easy to yell back at your mom.
And it's so easy to tell your sister she's an idiot.
That's the easy stuff.
Yeah.
The hard stuff is being, is being, is being a man.
You know, how did you navigate the relationship with his dad?
I am almost immediately from the beginning where like, because one of the benefits actually of, you know, Jasmine and I had our oldest daughter, Delilah, very quickly into the relationship.
Like we were only dating for a few months and she had conceived a baby.
So very quickly, that means her problems or her, not problems, but her parts of her life became parts of my life.
And I had to kind of say to myself, again, we're having a child.
There are that you have, you would have had kind of ways out of this if she wasn't pregnant, but now you don't.
You have a child.
So this is your life now.
So choose peace as much as you can.
Every opportunity you choose peace.
So when father, you know, got introduced to me, Tristan's father got introduced to me, I immediately shook his hand and said, you know, I'm about to have a baby with Jasmine.
That's, I look at you.
I look at this as the baby inside my girlfriend is your son's brother or sister.
So we're connected here.
And I'm looking at this as the three of us, as it takes a village.
There are three parents.
I look at this as like a beautiful thing for our kids.
They have three parents.
They have like an extra hand.
So I don't want this to ever feel like this is your family.
This is mine.
Let's all do this as one.
And I think from that, we always have, and we have a respect for relationship where it's like, you know, you're not going to be, there could be an opportunity to be best friends, but it's like when we see each other, it's cordial.
It's cool.
There is, we also made an agreement.
Him and I, each other, said there will be no ever, uh, there will be no talking bad about the mother of our children.
No, not at all about the mother of our children.
Right.
We will not do that.
Yeah.
I will.
And if we, if, if you know, we would say something to each other, if like you're speaking just to remind you, it's the mother of our kids here.
So, like, she needs to be sacred and held to a high standard.
So, I think that for us, it again, and that's a mine.
That's from my father, though.
My father would always preach to me, you got to do the harder thing.
What's the harder thing?
Usually, 99% of people are going to take the easy way.
You'll go with the easy thing.
It's very easy to pontificate online about, you know, like you were saying, nobody knows Iran and Israel.
And that's true because it's easy to just spout off shit that you're going to feel.
Yeah, it's harder to do the research and actually take months and go to Tehran and see what the people are actually living with.
Most people are not going to do that.
So, most people don't know.
So, my dad would always preach that, like, what is the harder thing?
And I remember he told me, and my stepmother told me because my parents were divorced.
My stepmother told me, Listen, when you, when I met Jasmine, he said, You're about to be a stepdad.
You're going to be a dad in nine months, but you're going to be a stepdad.
You're a stepdad right now.
It's the most thankless job in the world.
You have to give the same love and energy and the same support as a parent, but you will most likely, for a very long time, not get any appreciation or respect for it.
And you have to override nature because you are not bonded to this child by nature.
And almost every other animal in the animal kingdom will kill that baby in the wild because it is not theirs.
So you have to override systems that are so deeply embedded in you that it's very difficult.
And what you have to do is just say, This is the hard thing, but it's the right thing.
And you have to keep doing that over and over and over again.
So that's that's why I do that.
Wow.
And it's worked out, though.
Beautiful.
It's worth it.
Well, we're getting a divorce.
No, yeah, so far, so far, so good.
Now we're coming into some years.
My stepson's about to be 15.
So there will be challenges of a teenager, of a teenage boy.
But I'm hoping that, you know, we just, I'm just going to keep with that, you know, that same principle that I say, do the hard thing.
The hard thing is usually the right thing.
And, you know, you keep a loving relationship with them.
I mean, for me, it's like, it's like, again, and if, and even if I take it from a selfish point of view, of I only care about my children, well, then you should care about that's her, their big brother.
Your children are going to be on those times when you're not around because your kids don't want to be with you.
They're going to be around their brother because they're similar in age.
And don't you want him respecting them and loving them and being the big brother?
Because then they'll be better girls.
So either way, whether you look at it selfishly or unselfishly, the answer is love your stepson.
Yeah.
Yeah.
100%.
No, it's just a lot.
Yeah.
God, I hope he kills me in a murder, suicide.
That would be poetic play this at my funeral.
That would be all the Netflix talk.
That would be really funny.
That would be wild.
Yeah.
They go back and be like, wow, was he wrong about that?
You know what?
I bought a sidewalk with Tim.
He turned 16 and then the kingdom flipped off.
The FBI is actively investigating him right now because he has a list and I'm number one.
WNBA Caitlin Women00:05:40
Well, but here's the deal: true crime is so popular of a genre.
Yeah, we're going to run out of content.
We need content creators.
Someone's got to go do it.
I guarantee you, Mr. B starts killing people.
Yeah, somebody's got to.
We got to keep up with this demand.
We're running out.
I mean, there's just running out.
Why is there this true crime obsession?
Because we can get the thrill of what it is without experience.
Kill someone without experiencing it because everybody deep down wants to kill someone.
Because, like I said, we're the most savage type of homo.
Mostly women.
It's mostly women that watch it.
Maybe that's what I don't understand.
Well, maybe that's just how much they hate other women is they like to watch them get murdered.
And they just watch and go, you stupid bitch.
You dumb bitch.
You don't marry a guy who owns a fucking boat.
You fucking dumb bitch.
You're going to end up dead on that fucking boat.
Dumb, stupid bitch.
Your girls like true crime.
Mine does not.
I don't.
I don't like it.
My girl likes good taste.
She likes like Frasier.
She watches reruns of Fraser.
No, no.
She's into like mine of housewives and shit, but she only likes that too.
And they all love the housewives of the housewife.
But yeah, we hope that they're watching it to laugh at them.
Yeah, right.
That's what we hope.
I think for them, it's like, yeah, we hope it's not inspiration.
They go like brain dead when they watch.
Yeah, they're just like, they just kind of like that's a reset.
It's like, man, it's our sports, I think.
Yes, exactly.
That's exactly why they came up with like free agency gossip and all that.
That's what they, yeah, that's what they're doing.
That's what they're watching Housewives.
I'm watching Brian Winhorst.
That's why the WNBA just has to admit.
Listen, women are never going to be in to women's sports because their favorite sport is trying to destroy each other with fake compliments.
That's what they like.
So, what you have to do is stop trying to get women to like it and get men to late.
So, that's no more lesbian dressing.
Everyone in fucking mini skirts.
Let's see some titties.
But what you're saying is happening.
Like, I think Caitlin, like, first of all, this season or last season, they all just became hot.
Yeah, all that.
It's crazy.
There was Angel Reese, Caitlin Clark, they're all hot.
One of my favorite videos now is just watching them walk into the arena.
Oh, yeah.
I love watching it.
She looks good.
Yeah, yeah.
I watch her with a tub of assignment next to me.
I gotta admit, there's just a count.
I mean, I don't know the guy such.
Who's that girl that Cedra or whatever?
What's her name?
Yachty was talking about her.
Beautiful.
Cameron Brink.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I don't know.
I don't think she's in the game anymore.
Yeah.
They should have kept her in there.
Yeah.
There's this dude who he's an Instagram guy and he does this Smash Olympic, like Smash playoffs of all the WNBA teams, Smash or Pass.
It's very funny.
And he goes through all of the teams and he's like, Smash, pass, respectfully.
And it's really fucking funny.
There's a control.
Have you seen the guys that do the betting on Angel Reese missing her first shot?
She shoots like, but like they're up to 10 games.
There's just four of them.
And they just watch the beginning of the game.
And they just wait for her to get the ball.
And then they go fucking crazy.
But it is true.
It's like the once Caitlin came in the league, she started playing in a way that we wanted to play.
There's no guy that, I mean, outside of like NBA players that doesn't wish that they had Caitlin's game.
I want to be able to pull up from the fucking logo.
She could do it.
The second the game transfers to our interest point, we're invested.
We're watching.
Right.
So I think you're right.
It's like, in order to get women's sports, in order for women's sports to be incredibly popular, you need to get the people who like sports to watch, which are men.
Which are men.
You're not going to transition all these women into girls that watch sports.
No, and it's the same principle.
Like me and my girl got into a fight the other day because she was like, I was talking about the WNBA and how I was watching it.
And I was like, you know, my daughter, my older daughter, Tim, I was like, oh, maybe she'll like it, whatever, because I can't really get her into sports.
It's like a thing.
I'm like trying so hard to get my older daughter into sports.
She just does not want to play and I don't know what to do.
So, and so, and so I'm trying to get her to watch.
And then Jazz, like, oh, please, you know, you're only just watching because you think the girls are hot.
That's why you know Caitlin Clark's on the fever.
I was like, A, yes, but she's awesome.
But I was like, what?
You don't think it's the same for you?
She's like, no, I watch sports because it's fun.
I'm like, really?
Then how you're telling me you knew Danny Amendola's stats from random marketing from the Patriots.
You just wanted to have sex with him.
Yeah, that's just what it is.
So it's the same principle.
And then she just went into the other room and started cooking dinner.
I think Caitlin Clark, I think the long ball is kind of like the dunk to men.
Since women can't dunk like that, the long ball is like the dunk.
So now and Steph opened that up.
Yeah.
Like once the NBA transitioned into a three-point shooting league, WNBA got popular.
Yeah.
So Steph really made women's basketball exciting.
Stephanie Curry, bro.
That's what it's like.
He's gorgeous.
He would be the hottest player in the Phoenix Mercury.
And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the lesbians are great.
There's not a lot of lesbians in the world.
So just from a marketing standpoint, it's just harder to market that.
So no more cornrows and baggy clothes, girls.
So, lesbian, just pretend to be straight for fucking the marketing of it.
Just walk in hot, and then you can go eat pussy and do whatever you got to do.
But just be a girl on the walk-in.
That's what we need.
Listen, guys, thank you so much for being here.
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