Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh recount their comedy tour through Abu Dhabi, Dublin, and Amsterdam, highlighting cultural clashes like literal Dutch humor and provocative London art. They critique UFC 294 and YouTube boxing while debating Jon Stewart's cancellation over China AI policies. The episode culminates in a somber analysis of the Israel-Palestine conflict, noting how occupation persists in the West Bank despite Hamas's absence, with Russia and Iran potentially exploiting the crisis to block Israeli-Saudi peace deals, leaving reconciliation seemingly impossible amidst mutual suffering. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Illegal Tobacco at Gas Stations00:15:10
This is Arabic tobacco.
Have you ever tried this before?
I could barely hit a vape pen without vomiting.
It's legal.
You could buy this at a gas station.
Gas station drugs are the best.
All right, you hit it.
Okay, here's the thing.
It's no fun if I hit it first because then you know what you're going to feel.
Out of here.
How many bite people got set up with that one?
No big deal.
Just are you going to hit?
No, I'm not going to hit it.
I don't care.
I don't care.
Come on, just take one little hit on the madwash.
Oh.
All right.
What's going on here, boys?
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant.
We just got back from Abu Dhabi.
Okay.
For some reason, Tanya and Dove are still there.
We're still figuring out what the issue with that is.
We're doing our best to get them back over.
They had some more questions for them while they were there.
What do you think that was?
I don't know.
We had to start a podcast.
We are already probably a day late on this.
Apologies.
But we're here and we're in touch with the embassies and everything.
And we're going to hope that they'll be back.
So in the meantime, if you have any questions about Israel, Palestine, now is the time to ask.
And we'll get to the bottom of it.
No, no.
We're out in Abu Dhabi and Dubai.
That's the last destination.
Obviously, we did the European tour as well.
And it was awesome, man.
The show in Abu Dhabi was insane.
Really?
It was insane.
And I didn't edit anything.
That's what I wanted to ask.
How were they about flagrancy?
Oh, they were loving it.
There was one joke that I was concerned about.
And I don't want to say it, but I'm sure if anybody's seen the life tour, they're probably aware of it.
And there was one joke.
And in the moment, I was like, I don't know.
And I was like, fuck it, I'll just do it.
And they fucking exploded.
Really?
Whoa, Not like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good point.
Good point.
They exploded.
There's no more anti-iodity.
Be more sensitive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, it was, it was crazy.
And yeah, the Emirates is just, it's really interesting.
Like everybody there, like all the locals, they went to school in America somewhere or they went to school in England.
So like they're fluent.
English is perfect and they are aware of all like the cultural stuff.
Like they've experienced the cultural stuff.
So like it was probably, that was probably our most fluent American audience.
Really?
In American culture.
In American culture.
Yeah.
London as well.
But I was shocked because I think we all went into it going, I don't know what they're going to find funny.
I don't know what's going on.
You also have the guys in the robes, the candor as they're called.
Like, so you're thinking, okay, are they going to get all these things?
But all those dudes went to school in America and they didn't go to school in like New York.
They went to school in like Alabama.
Yeah.
Cookville, Tennessee, Arkansas.
Like, so they're really aware of it.
Yeah.
And yeah, it was fucking, it was fun.
I didn't edit anything.
Admired.
Yeah, it was really cool.
It was really cool.
Yeah, I'll get hit up sometimes and be like, hey, you got to come to Dubai to do a show.
And I'm like, no, that seems crazy.
Why would I do?
That seems dangerous.
And they will always say, no, you don't get it.
We're way more down than you think.
It's cool to know me.
Yeah, it was far.
I think way more down.
Because they don't get it necessarily.
They don't get that type of thing.
Not that many people go there.
And the people that do go there, I think, go into this conception.
They're terrified.
Oh, this is like a very conservative Muslim country.
Like, you can't do the certain things you would normally do.
And so I think people probably button it up.
Whereas they're like, yo, we.
And they also tell you, like, there's like five different versions of what you can or can't say.
Okay.
You know, the promoters are saying one thing, but the promoters might be from outside of the Emirates.
So they're worried about their reputation.
So don't touch about these things.
And then you talk to the people there on that side.
They're like, yeah, kind of, you know, say whatever you want.
Like, they're like, listen, don't trash Islam.
That's not a good idea.
But, you know, have jokes, do whatever.
And but the audience is like, I mean, like women, hijabis, women in the hijab just fucking dying laughing and flaming jokes.
So it was like, it was very cool.
People are people, bro.
Yeah.
People are people.
They just like jokes.
It was funny, but yeah, to what you said, I do think there's a thing where the more like constrictive a culture is, the more the comedy club is the haven where everybody can come laugh.
Like it's different, but we talk about Portland and you'll say like the audiences love the offensive jokes because outside, none of that is allowed.
So we go to this place where now, oh, I can finally hear it.
Let's go.
I'm done.
Especially if it's like, if it's with love.
Yeah.
You did a good job, though.
You didn't go up and just be like, hey, here are my jokes.
Yeah, no, it's not.
The first 15 minutes, he's talking about deep cut.
Like, I'm sure you're going to put clips out from it, right?
Yeah.
Like, you're talking about like deep-cut things that like you only know if you grew up in Abu Dhabi.
Yeah.
Like even people from Dubai were like, oh, wait, like, it's so nuanced.
It's so niche.
There's a guy sitting in front of us at the show while we're watching.
And the whole time, he's just like, how does he know this?
Like, he's like touching the people next to him.
He's like, how did he figure this out?
Yeah.
Like, like speaking in Arabic words that they were like, this is insane.
So you did a good job of like being inserted into the culture.
And I think like if they see that, then they know that you're not coming there, just judging them and, you know, basically criticizing all their shit that's different from yours.
They're like, oh, okay, you took a little second to absorb what's going on.
And then I think they give you, you know, the longest leash to, you know, they're the most open about anything else you say because you're not coming through with that critical lens.
Yeah, right, right, right.
The intention is good.
He took the time to learn about us.
Yeah, yeah.
Like it was some, yeah, it was fun.
So I'll put some clips out for it.
But there's, yeah, there's some fun.
There was some fun shit.
It was fire, bro.
Our hotel in Abu Dhabi was literally in the middle of the F1 track.
Holy shit.
That's what he tells me.
And like, there's a bat, my bathroom where I would take a shit.
I look out the window and that's where the F1 car and everything go.
And we got on the fucking F1 track.
Yeah, that was fire.
That was crazy.
Yeah.
Inside of roosters, you just hear.
And I wake you up.
You think it's awesome and you get to like, dude, we're on the track.
And then like 10 a.m. It's just, we could move the schedule a little bit.
But dude, it was so cool.
Are we going to share some of the people that came to the show?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know what the rule of that is.
But before the show starts, there's one of the promoters that's there.
And I'm going through all my jokes being like, is any of this funny?
Is any of this going to work?
Do they know what this means at all?
I'm like so stressed.
I'm only doing like 12, 15 minutes, but I'm like so, so anxious.
And I talked to the promoter and she looks super nervous.
And I'm like, wait, what's going on?
And she's like, well, one of the members of the royal family that's a little bit higher up in the family than we anticipated showed up tonight.
Fuck.
And we didn't anticipate them to be here.
We expected some of like the lower levels of the family to be here.
Did you know this?
We didn't tell them.
No one told them.
Because we were like, so they're like, yeah, you know, one of the members of the royal family.
And again, United Arab Emirates is controlled by basically one royal family.
Like every different Emirate has a royal family.
Basically seven different tribes that got organized by one guy.
Yeah, okay.
Right.
And that guy was from Abu Dhabi.
Abu Dhabi is where all the real money is.
They have oil still.
They have gas still.
Dubai doesn't have any oil or gas.
And their whole bet in Dubai was, yo, let's turn it into like a tourism hub because we're going to run out of the oil and gas.
But originally, these were all their individual tribes.
And they're organized by Zaid.
What's his name?
Sheikh Zayed.
Sheikh Zayed.
And he convinced a bunch of these other tribes to lock in.
Now, there's a few that didn't.
I don't think Oman decided not to.
They're like, we'll do our own.
It's like stringer bell for oil.
Right, exactly.
Qatar and Bahrain.
Qatar, Bahrain.
They decided not to, but then the other ones got down.
But so we're sitting there, I'm talking to the girl.
I'm like, okay, I'm level like one being like the biggest dude and 10 being like a lower level person.
Like, what would you rate it?
She was like, probably like three or four.
Oh, fuck.
And so we're like, okay.
Yeah.
And so we're going through the jokes.
Like he's going through jokes.
Like, should I say this one?
Should I do this one?
And then no one's.
I don't know if it's going to be expats or locals.
Yeah.
And by locals, that means you have to be born as an Emirati.
You're not born there.
Like you have to be part of an expat people who move from the U.S. too, right?
No.
Okay.
The opposite.
So, you have to be like from there.
You're a tribal from there.
And then an expat that moves there is not considered a local.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
And an expat is someone who comes from somewhere else.
Yes, yes, yes.
So then we do the show.
The show is amazing.
Then afterwards, the promoter like kind of comes up to Dove and Andrew and they're like, members of the royal family would like to meet you.
Crazy.
What are you thinking in this moment?
Because you didn't even know they were there.
Anybody I see in the Condora, I assume, is the Royal Family.
It's really amazing.
No, it's an amazing way that when everybody puts on the outfit, you just kind of assume.
So you don't know.
And the Royal doesn't get like a stick or anything to let you know that they're like a crown or anything like that.
So it's actually kind of cool in that way where anybody you see is dressed the same.
So the flex happens in another way, not just the clothing, right?
Where like, obviously, you know, in America or something, I was like, we're flexing, right?
Oh, they don't have a bunch of logos on there.
But you would think.
You would think.
So I was giving royal treatment to some bums, probably.
I'm seeing a candor.
I'm like, what's up, man?
How you doing?
And it's nerve-wracking.
Yeah, the royals are going to come back.
We're not allowed to say no to them if they want to meet you.
Like, that's kind of the rule.
Imagine saying no.
Yeah.
So good.
So good.
They're coming back right now.
And yeah, they would like to speak with you.
And then the dude comes back and what happens?
I think, yeah, I think that, yeah, I think it was just, it was vibes.
It was fun.
The nicest guy.
He's like a 20-year-old dude, super sweet, huge fan of comedy.
Love Schultz.
Had the best time of the show.
Brought all his boys.
And we just had a lot of fun.
It was just, yeah, it was fun.
And all of these things that I made up in my head of like, oh, they're going to be this and conservative.
They were just like, no.
We just like jokes.
We just like hanging out with the boys.
They're just kids.
Yeah, it was crazy.
We went out to get some food.
They're like, hey, do you want to come back to our pals and play FIFA?
And we're like, Smart's dream, dude.
Bro, immediately.
Yeah, we would, we would like to do that.
I started instigating a lot of fun.
I started instigating it.
We were talking shit.
I was like, dude, I'm going to wash him in FIFA.
If I beat you in FIFA, I get citizenship.
I'm going to sports wash it.
Bro, it was crazy.
It was so fun.
And then he had one of the most insane comebacks in FIFA history.
Oh, yeah.
I couldn't let them beat me, bro.
You can't do that, dude.
I mean, he beat me, but it was penalty kicks.
It only penalty kicks.
It was penalty kicks.
Wait, you were bragging about a loss here?
But it was a good comeback, though.
That's a Schultz win.
That's so fun.
It is a Schultz win.
It is a Schultz win right there.
No, it was just fun.
Like, it was, it was cool, like, learning little things about the spot.
Like, I didn't understand the whole license plate shit.
Have you heard about this thing where like license plates are incredibly expensive there?
So the smaller the number, it's like the higher they are or it's just more expensive.
Oh, okay.
Right.
And it's like, if you buy someone bought number three for like $10 million or some shit like that.
And I was like, yo, what's the deal with this?
Because I didn't understand it.
I was like, this seems like such a flagrant waste of money.
And one of the kids was like, yo, when everybody has a G-Wagon, like, it ain't a flex.
Yeah.
And people are going to find their ways to flex outside of just having a G-Wagon.
So it's the license plate number.
And then he was like, and now what's happening is if people don't want you to know who they are, they buy a shitty number.
So if you got real money, the way of kind of like making your identity a little bit more obscure is to not have the loan.
And is that its own flex?
Like people who buy designer clothes in America and they're like, I don't want the logo on it at all.
Yeah.
Whereas when you first get money, you're like, I want the logo.
Everybody's got this.
And you got to say, like, they are first getting money.
We're talking about like, they've been, you know, rich for 50 years.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They've only been a country for like 70.
Yeah.
So like they're still learning how to deal with money, what to spend it on, where you invest, like what kids are going to do with their life.
Like it's just, I don't know, it was just a very interesting thing.
I had, I had no expectation really going in into it.
I was like, okay, it's just going to be big glitz, glamour.
Hotels are crazy, super flex, et cetera.
And then just getting into like the nuances of the culture, I thought was kind of cool.
Can you explain to some people had a license plate more expensive than the car?
Like some people had a Nissan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They told me that like back in the day that during the war, like they sided with Kuwait, I guess, against Iraq.
And the guy who had like the Nissan dealership rights in the country basically like gave the army Nissans.
So now Nissan is like a beloved brand there.
So everybody gets these Nissans and as a way to just, you know, show respect.
But then you put the super high license plate on it.
So you let people know, like, yo, I don't have to have a Nissan.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I got it.
And, bro, they were saying like dating is wild.
Like, you can't just take a girl to your house because obviously it's strict Muslim rules.
Like your mom is going to tell their mom there's only a million Emiratis.
So what they do is they'll like have their first dates and they'll fucking like mall parking lots.
So you basically get the SUV that can get folded back.
And then you go to a mall parking lot and that's your fucking date.
And you can't go to the hotel because every hotel, you got to show your ID and that will get back to mom and pops.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So they got to find all these workarounds for the system when they're not banging out Russian hookers and shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, it was cool.
Bro, it was awesome.
Yeah.
Chamakis, can you explain that?
I don't even know how.
I don't want to get into it.
Yeah, man.
We'll put out all the clips and everything like that.
But yeah, it was really cool.
I'm excited for everybody to see it.
But it was good that I think that was like our last stop.
Yeah.
So cool.
Yeah.
It was really, it was really fun.
And it was an arena.
Like we watched the UFC fight in the same place the night before.
Holy shit.
That was dope too.
UFC fight was crazy.
Yeah.
Did you guys watch that fight?
I did.
I did too.
The thoughts.
I mean, Avalk took the fight on such short notice.
I just hope he's doing okay.
I love him.
It was obviously we hate to see him lose, but he's just like, fuck, dude.
I hate that he took that fight on such short notice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he was very transparent in the post-fight interview.
I don't know if you saw it.
No, I didn't.
But he was getting a little emotional.
He was just like, hey, man, you know, in between fights, like, I didn't have a fight.
I was kind of doing my head in.
Like, and he goes, and I know I shouldn't.
Like, I have a beautiful family and I have my lovely children and everything, but it was still really hard for me.
So I like to stay busy.
But it was, I think he was like explaining something that a lot of athletes probably go through, which is, you know, dealing with the fact that you're not happy when you have everything you want.
You're recognized as one of the greatest to ever do it.
You have a beautiful family.
You have beautiful children.
You have money and you're still kind of struggling.
Yeah.
And him taking the fight, I think that was like part of that.
Yeah.
I need this goal.
I need something to work towards.
I need to be in the game.
And having him like open up about that was very, it was like almost like tearing up.
Yeah.
That's very cool.
But yeah, so it was a bummer to see him lose.
And then Kamaru, I thought Kamaru beat.
I thought he won.
I had a 2-1.
Really?
I didn't think he won, but I thought it was a great fight.
Or even.
Yeah.
I had him winning the second round.
And then obviously Chamayav winning the first round.
And the third round could have gone even.
But like Kamaru was starting to get the better of him.
Yeah, I thought if it had gone five rounds.
Again, I don't know much.
I thought Kamaru lost the third round, but I think if it had gone five, he would have won.
Yeah.
I mean, he was coming on.
Yeah.
I'm watching it on TV.
Could you guys hear Andrew screaming?
He don't want it from Chamayev's like dad is like three rows behind me.
The second this decision gets announced.
His dad is like laser beam eye or uncle or somebody goes in fucking Russian.
Fight Card Drama and Upsets00:04:18
I don't know what the hell he's like.
Like and no smile, nothing.
Yeah, they don't fuck around.
Dead serious.
Didn't say nothing during the fight though.
Because he was waiting because he wasn't confident.
But you know who won me over?
Chamayav won me over, bro.
Yeah, yeah.
Like afterwards.
Even the embrace they had afterward was great.
Yeah.
Beautiful.
Like, and he was, I think he's one of those dudes where it's like, he's a very nice, sweet, sensitive, like, kind person that happens to be one of the most talented people on the planet at hand-to-hand combat murdering people.
And like, that whole culture is like, kind, thoughtful, sweet.
Nobody's an asshole.
Nobody's they understand what they have to do to like sell the fights, which is kind of like antithetical to how they're raised.
So they do it to sell the fights.
But outside of that, like naturally humble, humble, chill.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was fucking, it was really cool.
The energy was really cool.
Yeah.
Your twin was cool.
Oh, yeah.
That's insane, dude.
Bro, I go up to meet him.
I saw Zlatan, right?
I go up to meet, you know, Zlatan.
Yeah, yeah.
And remember, we posted that clip about the LeBron James jersey where LeBron sends him a jersey.
He signs it back, sends it to him.
I go up to me and was like, hey, man, I just want to say hello.
Like, you know, a big fan.
Really appreciate you.
And he looks out to me.
He goes, do you like that jersey thing, don't you?
I'm like, you saw it.
Of course, I saw it.
And I was like, dude, I love it.
He goes, yes, if he come to me with the jersey, obviously I don't do this.
I give him a jersey.
We train, but to me, the jersey, not the person, who does he think he is?
That's so fire.
That was so fire.
Yeah, it was amazing.
He is Latin the whole time.
Even like as we were leaving, Dove was like, oh, you should come do stand-up.
And he's like, you'd be lucky if I showed up to the show.
No, no, no, no.
Wait, hold on.
We offered to come on the podcast.
And he's like, why?
Why would you do this?
You have to give him something that he hasn't done.
We're like, look, open up for Schultz two minutes.
And then his eyes lit up.
Maybe we work on this.
Yes.
And then he goes and starts speaking different languages.
He goes, I could do it in any language.
He goes, Italian.
He goes, what else did he?
Swedish.
No, it was fire.
Bro, the legends.
Yeah, it was cool.
Just meeting Dana and Hunter and all the guys.
It was really cool.
It was really cool.
Yeah.
And shout out to Rogan, man, setting it up with the tickets, bro.
That was vibes.
Yeah.
The legends.
Yeah.
We rolled deep.
That's the other thing.
We rolled deep.
Like, whenever I ask for tickets, it's an asshole thing to do.
Yeah.
How many do you need is my least favorite question again because it's a lot.
And then he made it happen.
It was really fucking cool.
That's very cool.
Announcement.
The life tour is coming back to America.
Okay.
We announced the first three cities, Chicago, D.C., and Boston.
We just added second shows in all three of those cities.
Thank you guys so much for grabbing tickets.
TheandrewSchultz.com, go there right now.
Get those tickets before they're gone.
And then Australia, the life tour is coming in a couple of weeks.
I'm incredibly excited.
Perth, thank you so much for selling out the show.
We added a second show, okay?
Sydney, thank you so much for selling out the Super Way Theater.
We added a second show.
Melbourne, that was insane.
Show is officially sold out.
Thank you so much.
Where they play the fucking Australian Open.
That's going to be unbelievable.
Brisbane, we just added more seats in the arena out there.
Thank you guys so much.
Adelaide, sold out.
Thank you so much.
Go grab those tickets, whatever is left, and I'll see you guys there soon.
And then some pretty cool announcements for the life tour back home in the States coming very soon.
Stay tuned in for those.
Peace.
Also, guys, tour dates.
This week, I'm going to be in Atlanta, October 27th through 29th.
Then December 1st and 2nd, I'm going to be in Portland.
You know you hate it there.
You know you want to break from those fucking monsters at Antifa.
Come to my comedy show because the rest of the city sucks.
Also, December 8th, New Orleans, Louisiana.
My first time ever performing there.
Super hype about this.
And this is important.
December 17th through 19th, UK.
We just added a second show, December 18th in London.
Thank you guys for selling out the first show with two months to spare.
So we're adding a second.
Also, January 18th through 20th, I'm going to be in DC, January 26th and 27th, Salt Lake City, Utah.
Wise guys, get those tickets at akashing.com.
Wow, man.
Logan Paul Tour Dates00:15:06
Awesome fight card.
Let's go to another awesome fight card.
You were at the Logan Paul fight.
Yes.
So that was awesome.
Yes.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
I mean, the KSI Tommy Fury fight sucks, man.
It was just so bad.
Tommy Fury is really not good.
Yeah.
He's like really bad.
He's really bad at boxing.
And like.
Well, compared to what?
At this point, we don't know, but like.
Professional boxer.
Compared to what he should be, which is a professional boxer.
I'm just like your brother's toy.
He comes from a legacy of like boxing.
Like he's just been around it his entire life.
He should absorb it.
And listen, here's the thing.
KSI has like this really weird style, which actually makes sense for how little he's been boxing.
He has power and he has speed.
So you curate a style that works for what you have.
He's not going to out-box a guy who's been boxing for 15 years by standing in front of him.
You have to curate a style that maximizes the things that you do well.
So he was doing this like karate kind of stance and really creating distance, then lunging in.
Tommy could do absolutely nothing to mitigate it.
Yeah.
Like there was no adjustment made.
Like, what do you think the adjustment is?
You beat him to the punch with a straight right.
Okay.
Or you get the jab going.
He kind of stuck the jab a little bit and then kind of stopped, but no change happened.
Like, I think Tommy probably won the fight.
It was close, but it shouldn't be close.
Yeah.
KSI's got 15 other fucking jobs.
And I don't know why Tommy was like staying with the grab because that only helps KSI push him off of you and boxing.
He was just like kept doing it.
No, it was bad.
Yeah.
It was bad.
That was a shitty fight to watch.
And the other one was also a shitty fight.
I think that was the only fight of the night, really.
The other one wasn't really.
You can't even call that a fight.
Bro, the Logan fight went exactly how we thought.
Yeah.
It was a decision, Logan.
And then obviously I didn't think that Dylan was going to outbox him.
I thought Dylan would box.
I actually thought Dylan would win because he sat so confidently in this seat and was like, I'm fucking.
I thought he was going to do a little bit more of what he did.
At least I called it.
I knew he was going to do some UFC shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That stopped.
I know he's like, hey, I don't want to take an L.
So I'd be like, nah, nah, I stopped because I started fighting.
That's what I figured.
But I didn't think he would not throw punches for five and a half rounds or whatever.
And then just try to even get the takedown, which is also sad to watch.
Yeah, I mean, you got to give Logan credit for him not wanting to engage as much.
Like Logan boxed well.
Logan did box well.
He was landing punches and Dylan kept pressuring him the entire fight.
Like, it's not like Dylan just sat in a corner.
It was running.
Dylan kept pressing, but he couldn't get off.
He couldn't get off.
Logan's coach.
You got to thank him because he was just throwing crazy punches in the beginning.
If he would have stayed doing that, he would have tired.
He would have made a mistake.
And that's what I'm doing.
Oh, and that's what Logan's coach said, chill.
Yeah, Logan's coach is like, yo, chill.
Don't kick your spot.
Yeah.
And that's when he made that adjustment and it was a wrap.
Yeah.
Because Dylan was just hoping that he just got tired out.
Yeah.
And then he was going to land something big.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dylan wore those punches, though.
Like he took big shots and walked them down.
Like that was impressive to me.
I kind of expected that he wouldn't get knocked out, but like the level of shots that he took, even body shots, it just like kept on.
It just kept coming forward.
Yeah, I just thought he would throw, I don't know, three punches.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you want him to be more active and throw more, but you got to give Logan credit for that.
It's listen, if punches aren't landing on you, it's very easy to throw punches.
But when they are landing on you, you're worried about that defense.
You're worried about getting caught.
And he got caught in a second.
I thought Logan was going to drop him in a second.
This motherfucker ain't going down.
You got to think Dylan's calculation, though, is don't get knocked out.
Yeah.
If you don't get knocked out, it's...
His win is not getting knocked out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess.
I don't know.
I didn't find a way.
He didn't fight.
I thought he, yeah, if he, I thought if he lost like a warrior, just based on the way he presented the fight.
All right, cool, man.
You went out.
You got hit.
You did your fucking thing.
Just see.
And I don't know much, but I just saw this weird defensive stance, didn't throw any punches.
And that's where I was like, dude, what is this?
This is wasting my life.
I'm 39.
I don't know how long I'm going to live.
This is the life that I could be living doing anything, watching a blank screen.
I'm not going to lie.
He owes you 18 minutes.
You owe me 18 minutes, though.
But the Logan, the Logan Dannis fight was interesting and entertaining.
The crowd was into it.
Yeah.
To you.
No, not to me.
Everybody there.
Yeah.
Like the energy was, the energy was insane to everybody there because there was action.
You have to understand, like, even if Dylan's just getting pounded by Logan, that's still what people are there to see.
They're there to see a fight.
The KSI Tommy fight was hugging the whole time.
Yeah.
Maybe a punch.
That was like beyond boring.
It's boring.
Interesting you say that.
It's probably just different being in the room because watching that on TV, it's like the Logan Dennis fight was boring as fuck.
Really?
Yeah.
At least with the KSI shit, it's like, all right, he's trying.
He's not completely good, but he's trying to get out of the way.
Well, completely opposite in the arena.
Yeah.
Snooze Fest for the second one.
People starting to look at their phones, like do other things, like booing.
And again, this is their hometown.
And it was just like, what the fuck is going on here?
But Dylan Logan was like, big shots are getting landed.
Oh, wow.
Big.
I see.
I felt bored watching both.
Yeah.
Interesting.
I thought the second one was a bit more fun.
It was more fun, but again, it was more frustrating than boring.
Yeah.
Because it was like anytime there was action, hug, hug, hug, hug.
And that was, I guess, frustrating and not boring.
The Logan-Dylan fight, I found myself bored.
Again, maybe I just expected Dylan to throw, and I don't know boxing.
So maybe I was an idiot who bought a whatever, got sold a bill of goods by Dylan.
But like, I thought Dylan was going to throw.
Logan threw interesting, like how it's so like how the narrative changed.
Like the narrative was he won't even show up.
Yeah.
And that changed for you to, well, why isn't he just going in there and beating the shit out of you?
I mean, because that's what he said.
He also said he was going to show up to the other fights and then didn't show up.
So there was a narrative, like even before he even came out, I was sitting there and Mike was next to me.
He's like, do you think he's going to walk out?
Wow.
So there was a moment even before the fight started was, is this fight going to happen?
Yeah.
I got pretty convinced it was going to happen.
But you're still thinking about it a little bit.
And the narrative is so shifted to now.
It's like, yo, why didn't he go there and beat the shit out of them?
Yeah.
Yeah.
The energy inside the room, though, a little bit to me felt like high school after school fight energy.
That makes perfect.
And that's what all these YouTube fights are going to be about.
That is, they're not watching for the skill.
It feels like a little weirder, though.
I didn't enjoy the energy as much.
Like you go to like a real boxing match, like a UFC fight, and it's like a bunch of fight fans that are ready to see like two warriors really like trying to get it.
And just high-level skill.
I can see how you get put off by that after enough.
Like you're in it long enough and you're like, you know what?
I don't really like it.
Because a lot of people try to be seen.
Like a lot of people, like there's fights breaking out, which is common in fight sports, but like just felt like people, everyone had cameras.
Six interviews for instance.
Everybody's trying to get a clip.
Everybody's trying to get a clip of something and videotaping you and clip it, clip it, clip it.
Every person coming up to you and Mike is trying to get you in some sort of weird situation where they have this viral video that's from it.
Yeah, that I agree.
And that was an uncomfortable energy to be around because I never feel that in a fight.
Like when I was at the UFC, it's not like every single person there was some form of influencer that was going to potentially use me in a compromising situation to get views.
And feeling that, every person that asked, I'm not someone who says no to pictures.
I'm not someone who says no to video.
I always say every single time.
But every time I went into it, I was like, who is this person?
And how are they going to try to exploit me?
Did anybody get you?
No.
Like, I was pretty, I was pretty sharp on it.
He was locked in.
Yeah.
Like, you see him on stage.
It's the same vibe.
Like, well, people were coming up to him.
He's like, all right, okay.
This person, like, he's like triangulating.
Like, I don't even know if you drank at all.
Like, you were like.
No, I was pretty.
Yeah, I was pretty sharp.
And I said the same thing in every single interview.
Every single interview.
This is the Charlamagne tactic that I learned from the red carpet.
I was just going to say that, but I always say that.
When I was on the red carpet with him in MTV days, he's such a genius.
He would have his shtick ready for whatever they were going to ask him about because they're going to ask the same question every single time.
So he had his bit ready to go.
And it kind of kills their clip.
Like if they're just using you for a clip, it's all.
It doesn't kill it.
The opposite.
It gives them a better clip.
Here's your funny thing.
Okay.
Here's your funny thing that you could clip, but now it's on my terms, not your terms.
And your terms are always going to be the most lo-fi.
So it's just, what is this funny little anecdote that you could give them?
So I just had my thing ready to go and I was just like, whatever, they're coming asking.
After seeing those fights, is there any interest left for influenza or fights?
Yes, 100%.
KSI, Jake, you could watch.
This is the thing that people want to see KSI.
It's not about that counterpoint.
Did you care at all to see Dylan and Jake or Dylan and Logan before they started doing promo?
These guys are also entertainers by trade.
They're great at promoting their fights.
So every fight, pretty much when it was announced, for the most part, I've been like, eh.
And then by the end, I'm like, all right, I want to see how this goes.
I just, so maybe Jake is probably the only one because we actually see him getting better, but the others aren't necessarily getting better.
It's an it's like, yeah, but look at your metric for interest.
Your metric for interest is skill.
You're like, they're getting better at the skill and I want to see skill.
Yeah.
It's a high school after-school fight.
Okay.
Which I'm interested in every single time.
Yeah.
Right.
If I see two people on the subway arguing with each other and I think it's going to fight, I'm locked in.
And once that is your expectation, and the more you're invested in one of those sides, the more you're going to see it.
So it's not about the skill.
It's about these two people that you really care about.
You either really love or really hate and you want to see justice.
Right.
And if I switched my outlook, then maybe I can you liked fighting before this.
A lot of these kids that are watching, I think, weren't fight fans.
No.
Like, I think they grew up in YouTube spaces.
They're watching streaming.
I was sort of, it's not surprising, but you go there and 14-year-olds, 15-year-olds.
Yeah.
Notch.
Yeah.
And so it's like they grew up watching soccer.
Yeah.
Like being a fight fan doesn't happen unless you're like a legacy fight fan.
Like my dad got me into fighting early.
You don't get into fighting until a little bit later.
Maybe as an adult, you start to box for exercise and you're like, oh, this is kind of fun.
You start watching some boxing matches, et cetera.
Or you have like a friend who's really into it.
Because we had Mike Tyson.
So it's like we had this golden age of fucking boxing that we came up in.
And even then, it's not even the biggest sport.
To me, it felt like if it was a Mike Tyson fight, everybody stopped what the fuck they were doing that night and had the TV on.
Or if they had what you could call YouTube culture surrounding, which is like those 24-7s.
So HBO did those 24-7 series, and all of a sudden, exactly.
You're like, now I'm invested in this person.
That's what these streamers are doing all the time.
That's what these YouTubers are doing all.
They're getting you invested.
So if you're going to see the person that you love go into a situation where they could get knocked out, I got to watch.
So I don't think it affects it at all.
I mean, the shit was sold the fuck out.
It was crazy.
Like, they made some money.
Yeah.
And they were there early.
Like, it wasn't, they just like with regular boxing, people show up for the last fight.
That shit was packed when we showed up.
Packed.
Wow.
Yeah.
So I think it's just about making sure there's a reason to see people fight.
Like if Jake wanted to fight Logan right now, you don't think that that would be crazy numbers?
That one we need to see.
I mean, like, that's the one we need to see, but I don't think we're ever going to see that.
I think we could see that.
I don't think we see that.
I think we will see.
I think we could see that.
I don't think we see that.
I think we will see that.
Do we want to see that?
Logan?
I don't want that.
We don't want that.
I'm just saying.
Logan's biggest option.
Logan don't want no problems.
I think at the end of the day, these guys are entertainers.
And they know what will make money and what will sell.
They sell very well, and nothing will sell better.
No fight, maybe in history, will sell better than that.
I'm not saying there'll be the best fight or even necessarily a good fight.
No fight will have as high of stakes as that ever.
I'm fighting my brother.
I mean, who the fuck is not interested?
Yeah.
Logan ain't gonna do that.
So after that fight, he's like, Ray Mysterio, I got you.
That's what he wanted.
He went a five-foot Mexican.
Anybody else still a little high?
No.
Come on, I can.
Do you think do you think Dylan goes UFC?
Um, you see him, he pulled out a Bellator, I think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, release the Bellator.
I mean, that's the most logical move for him, but like he needs to get training and he needs to like he needs to train the hands too.
Yeah, the jiu-jitsu is nice, he's gonna be in the UFC and he's gonna be better than everybody in the UFC at jujitsu.
You have that, but we've seen people who are nice at jiu-jitsu when they go up against guys that can mitigate the jiu-jitsu and have hands, they have real problems.
So he needs to get in there, take it serious, and do it.
Now, if you're the UFC, you go, this guy can sell the fuck out of a fight.
I mean, he just sold a million pay-per-view, and people were not tuning in for KSI Tommy.
No, they're tuning in for Logan and Dylan, so he can sell fights.
So, if it's not UFC, maybe it's another one of these fledgling promotional companies that wants to get after it and they could give the bag to a guy who could sell the fuck out of a fight.
So, let's see if he wants to do it.
Three things: um, did they drop the lawsuit?
I don't know, that's a good question.
I gotta ask.
Why is Logan not fighting him in uh MMA?
Because he shook hands and said he would fight him if he shows up to the fight, or no, if he gives his purse, he gives his purse.
So, it's like both of them need to there, yeah.
Yeah, that's interesting.
Yeah, I don't think Logan should do that.
Yeah, that's gonna be tough.
Yeah, I don't think he should do that.
I mean, he shouldn't, but he said he was gonna do it.
And well, there's a perfect example: like, people will pay for that fight, yeah, people because now it's like you even it up.
Yeah, you got power, you got height, you got reach, but he got the graph.
You want to do a crazy fight right now?
Oh, boy, let me get it.
It's my promotional charge.
Get it ready?
Oh, same night, Nate Diaz versus Jake Paul, MMA, Logan versus Dylan, MMA.
Yeah, I'm paying for that.
We're going, we're going, yes, we're going.
Perfect example.
You could keep dancing with this thing and keep making crazy money.
And as long as the guys are walking out and they're okay, like the bare-knuckle thing is different.
You see what someone looks like after a bare-knuckle fight.
That's true.
It's rough.
Yeah, you're different.
Your voice is different.
I wonder if you take less damage in an MMA fight if you get choked.
Yeah, they say, Yeah, they say that with like MMA, you take it's like less cerebral damage.
Yeah, boxing, it's just constant.
It's like you're an offensive lineman or something like that.
It's just constant micro concussions or whatever.
Exactly.
But yeah, that would be now we're into it.
That is cage right there.
That's that's one.
Yeah, that'd be crazy.
All right, guys, we just talked sports.
So, you know what that means?
It's prize picks times.
Your boys' cold streak ended last week.
My prize picks are on points.
The Wakash locks are back, baby.
First of all, I'm telling you, Tua Tagaloa gets more than 272.5 yards passing.
Bare-Knuckle Fighting Damage00:08:20
They got embarrassed last week in Philly.
It will not happen again.
They will bounce back.
And Adam Thielen will get less than 68.5 yards receiving.
I just don't believe it.
I'm sorry.
I love you, Adam Thielen, but I don't believe in it.
So, those are your prize picks.
You're Akash Singh Locks.
All you got to do if you haven't already signed up is go to prizepicks.com and you will get a 100% deposit match up to $100 with the promo code Schultz.
So, that's a free $100 if you want it.
Again, prizepicks.com, 100% deposit match up to $100 with the promo code Schultz.
Let's get back to the show.
Manchester was cool, man.
We had a good vibes.
It's cool to see like tribal white people because y'all aren't allowed to do that here.
Well, the only thing not that cool is something.
The only January 6th.
The only tribal white.
January 6th looked pretty fun.
We could be completely objective here.
Fun, not fun.
Didn't seem not funny.
You wouldn't get the pay-per-view to watch the January 6th.
You wouldn't just watch it.
Oh, yeah, from home.
Watch fucking Pelosi running around.
Yeah.
There's a, yeah, it was just when you're in England, you get to see like tribal whites.
And in America, you only see like Italians that are like that, really, like culturally tribal.
The Irish a bit, but I think the Irish are like so mixed in general.
Like, and then I've, yeah, so it's like you go there and within 30 minutes distance, they speak completely differently.
Like Liverpool to Manchester, the accents are completely different.
They're culturally different.
The way they identify is completely different.
The way they relate to the crown is completely different.
And yeah, you get how like the soccer teams or the football teams are a manifestation of that tribalism.
So everything you feel about your town, you get to express through this game.
And when you're playing against this other town that probably thousands of years ago, you guys used to fucking go to war with and shit.
That's why they'll fight the, what are they, the hooligans?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they are distinctly different.
Like an hour away.
Like in New York, there's an accent from the Bronx to Brooklyn, like a little bit there.
The way that the scouts speak in Liverpool is for a one hour difference, it is the same as from Texas to Mexico.
No.
Bro?
It is crazy.
But they look the same.
They just sound the same.
Look the same, dress the same, act the same.
And then they say the word chicken.
Oh, yeah.
She's chicken.
Shechen.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it's like that's Liverpool?
That's Liverpool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's just, it was like, I don't know, it's cool to go see that.
And then obviously going up to Scotland was the shit.
Oh, yeah.
We linked up with your family.
Yeah, my family all came out like doing a show in fucking Scotland.
Yeah.
And yeah, it was just, that was an honor.
That was really fucking.
Yeah, that's amazing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now, I want to ask you also, Royal Albert Music.
Royal Albert Hall.
Yeah.
Royal Albert Hall.
Yeah.
It's like a historic Venny Burr filmed a special there.
What was that like?
Oh, that was crazy.
I mean, like that, that venue was just.
That's one of the bucket list like of dream venues.
Yeah, it's beautiful.
It was beautiful.
There's like this gigantic organ in the back and like it's stunning.
It's like massive, but also intimate.
And yeah, it was just unbelievable to be there.
And, you know, Emma's whole family was there.
That's the first time they've ever seen me.
Holy shit.
That's a pretty good way to meet.
So there was another expectation.
And this, this hour, anybody who's seen it is like by far the most intimate and personal hour that I've ever done.
So like it raises the, you know, the stakes when they're there.
But it also lets them meet you, get to know you, and see you being successful.
Yeah.
We're all in an hour without you having to do it right here.
Yeah.
So it's kind of nice if it goes well.
I mean, the risks are there, but if it goes well, great, we're good.
Yeah, it was so weird.
It's like I wasn't nervous.
I was just hyper-aware of anything sexual.
Oh.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, I was confident it would go well, but anytime that there were like sexual references or I was like, oh, wow, her family is whereas if I'm doing it in Ireland.
Who gives a cool thing?
I never even thought about it.
Do you ever change stuff if your girl's family is there?
Has her family seen you?
Her mom has seen me perform.
Her dad has not.
And I definitely softened it a bit.
Yeah.
Definitely.
I don't, you know, even stuff.
Stuff about her.
My mother-in-law loves it.
Yeah, yeah.
But I definitely softened it a bit.
Did you soften anything?
Come on, see.
Yeah.
This guy, I was there when you did that.
Oh, Dallas.
Dallas.
It was my family.
My mom was there.
Yeah, and then it didn't work or something like that.
No, it did better.
It did way better.
Standing up, I think.
I think it's a standing up.
I'm pretty sure.
Oh, we got to talk.
Bro, dude, we got to talk.
Okay, so we're in the Netherlands, right?
And the Netherlands is like, we're doing a show in Amsterdam.
Beautiful city, unbelievable city.
But the Netherlands, these are like the most literal people you'll ever meet in your life.
Like, this is fun.
This is fun.
And like a very literal people, right?
And they actually have like a history of American comedy being there.
There's this show called Raymond is Lot, like late night with Raymond or whatever.
He would bring American comics.
So they're aware of like American comedy and they've been fans for like decades.
So good place to go perform, but understand very literal.
Like I was even joking around with the guys, but this is 100% serious thing.
Like I was in the hotel.
This is how literal.
I'm in the hotel and I walk by a guy and I was like, I was like, hey, what's up, man?
How you doing?
Just like, that's what we would say to somebody as you walk by them.
And he goes, I'm a little sad today.
Things will go better, you know?
Like, literally told me how he's doing.
So I know this because I performed in Amsterdam.
We did the special.
Like, I'm aware of what I'm going to get.
And Mark, before he goes on, he goes, yo, I have an idea for a joke.
Can I throw it by you?
Yeah.
I've never been to Amsterdam.
And so I had this Aunt Frank joke that I normally do.
And then I had another thing is Aunt Frank was from Amsterdam.
Her home is still there.
So like, I was trying to do this idea that I thought would be funny.
And like, after you do the set so many times, you're like, yeah, I just want to do something new, something local, something fun.
So I was like, okay.
It's interesting to me that like two most famous people from Amsterdam is Vincent Van Gogh and Frank.
You know what I mean?
Vince Van Gogh famously cut off his ear.
And it's just funny to me that two most famous people, one of them can't hear anything and the other one can't speak.
Van Gogh and Frank.
I was like, this would be kind of a funny idea we could play with.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Now, so I go, let me tell you something.
Gangogan, this is what the how that Van Gogh can hear.
He just doesn't have an ear.
And Anne Frank can speak.
She just shouldn't.
And that's how they're going to interpret this.
They're not going to be able to remove it a little bit.
And you know what I mean?
Like, and be like, oh, I see what you're doing.
Yeah.
They're going to go, they're literally going to be like, that is incorrect.
Ann Frank could speak all the time.
She spoke a lot.
So they made me go riff on it.
So I was like, all right, that's good input from Andrew, you know, hater.
And so I was like, let's go, let's go ask some Dutch people and see what they think.
So I asked like two Dutch guys and they're like, yeah, they laughed.
I was like, yeah, that makes sense.
Like, you could probably do something with that.
So I went up and did that shit.
They took it very literally.
Bro, so literally.
Yeah, they were like, huh?
And then afterwards, the guy goes, hey, the joke worked.
And we're like, no, it didn't.
And then we're like, what did you think he meant?
I go, what do you think he meant when he goes, Anne Frank can't speak?
He goes, oh, well, because she's dead.
I was like, when you're dead, you can't speak.
That's literal.
That is literal.
Like, God damn it, dude.
It was fun.
Yeah, Amsterdam was.
Amsterdam was cool.
And we just went for a walk, dude.
We just kind of just walked around.
Oh, yeah.
Hit that red light district.
What do you do?
Did you do anything?
No, you just substances?
No, substances while you're out there.
No, I don't think so.
Just drink, whatever.
You can't really.
That's actually good.
What did Dove and Volley do?
Nothing.
Oh, yeah, nothing.
Nothing.
You can't, really?
Yeah.
Oh, all right.
You can't smoke while you're walking around.
Oh, no, no.
Volley did smoke.
That was too fast.
Yeah, I know.
It was too quick.
He's like, no, nothing.
Oh, I thought you meant like actual, like real drugs, not like weed.
I'm just saying red.
Yeah, come on.
We know what we talk about.
Dove was negotiating.
He's trying to get a rage just to see what the deal was.
He just wanted to know the deal points.
We were window shopping.
Legalization Risks for Society00:03:19
That's a fruit.
I mean, it is so much fun.
I get why women do it.
Like, if they're, if they look at clothing the way we look at pussy, it makes total sense to just go out to stores and see what they have.
Because that's what we did.
And I could have done that for six hours straight.
Walk by the horde drums.
You know, they just see what they have.
You know what I mean?
I mean, it was so much fun, dude.
Every different design, a woman you could imagine.
And all, not all, but like bad.
Yeah.
Not like, that's what Blau was saying.
They're telling us that.
Bad.
Yeah.
We're not talking about just like American street horse.
Yeah.
Which they look like that's what they have to do.
Right.
They human track the crop of the creme, the creme of the crop.
Oh, whatever that fucking.
I got it.
I got it.
That's all I'm saying.
It's regulated.
They're getting money from it.
What was it?
The crop of the creme was.
What is it?
Cream of the crop.
Yeah.
Yeah, we got it.
Tom of the crop.
Yeah, that's what it technically is.
So if, you know, like, what does that even be?
I don't know.
The cream of the crop.
Yeah.
You know, her crops are creamy.
You're right.
It doesn't mean anything.
You're right now.
No, no, you were actually right about that.
It's a stupid saying.
I mean, you got it wrong, but you're right.
It makes no sense.
It's so little.
Literal.
I should know that cream.
Yeah.
No claim on these crops.
Interesting, interesting place because like they don't have like religion, right?
Like religion plays like no part in their daily life or like the decisions that they make at all.
So it doesn't play any part in how they create laws, right?
Like, you know, in America or in other countries, like if you're religious, the laws kind of need to reflect the laws of God.
So without that, you can create laws that just protect the people, even if they're kind of immoral.
Yeah.
Okay.
Which I love.
Which is interesting because you can make laws that are the lesser of two evils.
Yes.
In America, you can't really do that because there'll be certain religious groups that go, well, this is wrong and this is wrong.
Even if this is less wrong, they're both wrong.
So they have to be illegal.
Don't compromise with you.
Exactly.
Can you give an example?
Horse.
So human sex trafficking is more evil than legalized prostitution.
They feel like people are going to pay for pussy no matter what.
If we legalize it, maybe there'll be less human sex trafficking.
These women can make money.
They don't have to deal with these violent pimps.
They will be protected.
And also the people that have sex with them will be safer because now we're going to make sure they get tested every week, et cetera.
So they go, this is the lesser of two evils.
We'll make this legal, even though it's wrong.
And then our society will be safer.
And I love that because you don't fight against human nature.
Human nature, guys are going to go out and solicit sex workers, girls too, I guess.
So what is the safest way that you can curate your culture?
Drugs.
They will test your drugs to make sure that you don't OD.
Because humans will never stop doing that.
We're going to do drugs.
So what is the lesser of two evils?
That you at least are safer when you do the drugs so you don't OD and then put this crazy weight on our medical system that we're all paying for anyway.
So when you're in that environment, and this is a weird thing because I've never felt this in America, you kind of start, and I'm not trying to do this thing like, oh, Europeans do it better.
Fuck them.
But here's the thing.
You start to feel like everything there is a little bit safer for you and that the government is looking out for you.
Drug Safety in Amsterdam Pubs00:04:56
Like, for example, if I was going to get like food somewhere, I would assume that the food is good for me.
It doesn't mean that the candy is good for you, but I would assume there's not going to be something crazy in the food that's going to give me cancer.
Where in America, everything that I eat, I go, probably going to give me cancer, but it is what it is.
But over there, I would assume the government would go, you know what?
This is going to be bad for the people if we legalize these.
We were literally talking about this before the podcast.
Food in Europe is much more regulated than America.
They won't have like, my wife bought Sour Patch Kids out there.
There's some colors that just don't exist in England where she bought it.
It was like licorice flavor.
The flavor has to be somewhat natural.
We can't just make red 40 and pump it in everything or whatever.
Skittles could cause cancer that are banned in California.
They're not banned in the other 49 states.
We don't give a fuck.
You go to Europe, they're going to have a version of Skittles that won't cause cancer, which they do.
Yeah, again, I think that's not everything they do is better, but that's a big thing they do better.
Yeah, it was kind of, and it was cool, like feeling to have while I was there.
And I understand why they're a little bit more obedient when it comes to rules because they assume that the rules benefit them.
Yeah.
You know, like Vala said when the announcements were happening before the show, they're like, guys, there'll be no filming.
Put your phones down.
You'll be asked to kick out.
He said he saw 100 people take their phones and put in their pockets.
He's like, I've never seen that happen before.
Everybody hears it.
And then the intro, they want to get a video of it.
And then they keep their phone out.
And I think that, yeah, I would be, it's like being obedient almost with your parents.
It's like, if you trust your parents, have your best interests at heart, okay, you're going to listen to them a little bit more.
And I think they had that relation.
I was like, that's kind of cool.
Yeah, we were hanging out with these Dutch guys and they said that when they came to America, they like spent some time driving around like the Midwest and stuff.
The thing that they just saw, everybody thought was so funny is this phrase, it's the law.
Like they would say it to them over and over, like, it's the law.
Buckle up.
It's the law.
Don't text and drive.
It's the law.
And they're like, there's this like reinforcement of the law, but yet Americans love to break the rules.
Whereas in like Amsterdam or Europe or in the Netherlands, like everything's kind of legal.
And when there are rules, everyone follows them.
Because you can do pretty much anything.
So when we say don't do it, don't fucking do it.
It must be bad.
Yeah, they're looking out for me.
Whereas here, we love breaking rules.
I always thought, and this is probably part of it, but I always thought America, it just glorified rebellion because that's how our country was founded.
So rebellion is like, and it should, in that case, it should be, but like, it's a beautiful thing to rebel against.
So we're, it's all kind of just baked.
Also, everybody here rebelled.
Yeah.
Like every immigrant class that came is rebelling against something.
They're like leaving their whole family.
It's like in our DNA to rebel, to fight back, to push back, to antagonize.
It's just who we are.
Like the family members that didn't come here are the ones that, you know, got along with the system.
Yeah.
Like the system says I should do this.
I'm going to do this.
So yeah, just culturally seeing that was cool.
And then going, one place that was like really interesting was Ireland, Dublin.
First show we did.
Amazing venue.
I mean, unbelievable.
I've never been in a venue that big that had that incredible acoustics.
Really?
Like usually you get into these venues where you got fucking 7,000 people.
There's a little echo.
This was almost none.
Really?
And I don't know how the fuck they did it, but it was amazing.
But the entire time we're in Dublin, we're asking people, what should we see?
What should we see?
Not a single person gave a suggestion of anything to say.
The entire time, not a single person.
They all just go.
You don't see the spider.
Yeah, there's like this chopstick that's in the middle of town and people go.
And then there's like a Trinity College or something, some college that looks like any other fucking.
Go see this book.
Go see the oldest book.
It's over in the library.
Literally, they have no clue what to do, but they all say go out to the pubs.
And we're like, what are we going to do?
We're going to have some fucking Guinness.
Go out to the pubs.
Go out to the pubs.
Fire.
We went to some pub.
I forget the name of it.
There's two guys playing guitar and people are in the pub.
And the Irish, they need the drink to open up, to bloom a little bit.
But once they have it in, like during the day, they're kind of reserved.
They're a little bit kind of quiet.
They're removed.
When the drink gets in them, it's the lower deck of the Titanic.
I mean, they are singing, dancing.
I love you.
Affectionate.
Like, it is a beautiful thing.
And once you experience that, and that's just one pub.
There's a hundred pubs in the city.
They're all doing that.
We're singing every fucking song together, arm in arm, having this amazing time.
And once you realize that, like, that's what exists there, you don't need other dumb shit.
Recover during the day, do whatever you need.
Because once you guys hit the bar and that music starts, and they're like a musical fucking people, they're like going after it.
And I would say I was like, maybe that was our most fun night.
Really?
Yeah.
That's why they do the Irish goodbye because the love is wearing off.
I got to get out of here.
I got to get out of here before I mean again.
Or they just forget you said bye to them.
They're like, they're going to fucking leave and say bye.
And without saying bye, no, he said bye.
You're too drunk.
We got a fight and then I kissed you and I left.
What do you mean?
Bro, that, yeah, it was that or London.
Drunk Irish Goodbyes00:04:15
We went to the box and that was crazy.
I almost wish Derek was here to tell this story.
But like, you know, the box, have you heard of this venue?
So the box that we have one in New York, I think the original one is in London.
It's basically this like cabaret.
Like avant-garde, provocative type of performance, right?
The idea is to be as provocative as possible with performance art.
It starts at two in the morning.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah, it would be like a kind of one of these like very difficult to get into, can't have your phone out, like vibes.
And so we go to an after party for the show, and then we go to the box afterwards.
And we walk in and there's a guy on stage dressed as a homeless dude.
And he's shitting into a silver pan.
Oh, he's naked, by the way.
Oh, yeah, naked, shitting into a silver pan.
So there's shit coming out of his asshole.
He's bending over.
They're shitting into the pan.
Then he grabs, say again, big meat.
Meat was red.
That's it.
Long balls.
Decent long balls.
Oh, yeah.
He had fake tits, too.
Real attached.
Yeah.
They're like breast implants.
Oh, shit.
Dick and shitting into this pan.
Then he grabs the shit and starts to rub it all over his dick and genitals.
And I think he even throws some of it at the crowd.
Oh, that's a fight right there.
That's good.
Well, well, so anyway, we're watching this, right?
And we're watching Derek.
And Derek is looking at this and he's like, what the fuck is going on?
Where did you guys bring me?
No, no, you would think, but he's like shocked and going, I'm is everything okay?
And none of us realize it.
But earlier, a trans woman, a gigantic like fucking linebacker, trans woman, walks up to him and just grabs his dick.
And Derek is like, what the fuck did you just know?
He is not.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
He was like, he's like, yo, you acting like a man right now.
Like only a man would do that.
I thought he'd be in heaven with that shit.
No, no.
Dicks and tits.
But keep in mind, so in his, so in his, I thought, I thought she knew him.
I thought she knew him.
You know what I mean?
I was like, yo, this is his moment.
I thought she was giving him a moment, but none of us knew that that happened.
We just saw him really disheveled in this environment.
And I'm assuming it's because he's watching the guy shit in the pan for the first time and running on his genitals with fake tits, which is a pretty reasonable reaction.
So all of us are dying laughing.
Derek thinks we're dying laughing that the gigantic trans linebacker grabbed his dick and he didn't do nothing.
So he was like, they don't think I'm pussy.
And he's like, he goes, I don't want to beat the shit out of this girl and ruin the after party for everybody.
But right now, I'm fucking freaking out right now.
A trans grabbed my dick like it's okay.
And to recover, there's another trans woman shit all over his dick on the stage.
And everybody's laughing at me.
All my homies are laughing at me.
I lean into him.
I go.
So I say this.
I go, bro, it's okay.
You got to understand.
Like, they're trying to provoke.
They're trying to act weird.
And he thinks I'm talking about grabbing the dick.
But I'm talking about the man shitting in the pant, right?
And I'm like, they're trying to act weird.
He goes, he goes, yeah, I don't fuck with this because he thinks I'm talking about the dick rap.
And I'm like, you got to understand, it's like doing edgy jokes at a comedy club.
You can't beat it.
I was like, you can't beat a white girl offended.
And he's like, this man, bitch, grab my dick.
He's not saying it.
So we just laughing and I'm like, bro, you don't can't be a camera.
He goes, so I just got to let a man bitch grab my fucking dick.
Bro, everybody.
He's like a sit down.
Bro, it literally was.
Derek was fuming, but he didn't want to ruin the night for everybody because he knew if he did what he would normally do, the night is over.
Like we're kicked out, right?
Immediately.
See you later.
And it wasn't until we got outside after the fucking thing that he explained the whole situation.
We were laughing at him for an hour.
Every time we turned over, he's like, he can't believe he's just sitting there staring at the ground.
But that's not that serious, though.
Bro, getting your dick wrapped?
Yeah.
Mike, you've been to TSA before.
Sometimes they see where you at with it.
Yeah, I guess.
This person that was there was being way too much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like extra, like grab people's faces and shit.
And you'd be like, all right, all right.
Jamil ran away.
He saw it coming.
Jameel ran away.
Like, yeah, he was.
Heisman.
He's been to the box before.
He knows.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second.
Hugh Grant Stereotypes vs Reality00:06:03
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There's the fight culture in Europe is nice also.
That's something I didn't really ever see.
But like in America, I feel like fighting has such a high, so much like high stakes.
Like someone might have a weapon.
There feels like there's a desire to really hurt someone.
It feels like there's death connected to it every time.
Whereas in Europe, it's way more likely you could find a fight.
But when they fight, they're like, hey, let's just punch each other and then let's go eat after.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like it's, it used to be like that.
Really?
Yeah.
And then it's just, we got too many guns.
So it's just like, nobody wants to be embarrassed.
We got guns and uh camera phones.
Yeah, the social media.
Yeah.
Like we go eat after.
The embarrassment lives forever now.
Yeah.
Bro, we go eat after.
There are these two guys that came to the show earlier that's like in this place.
It's like this deli at like four in the morning.
We're all eating.
We're all like tired, kind of drunk, just like eating food.
And then this dude walks in.
I think he's Scottish or something.
No, no, he's from England.
He is.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And so then he walks in and he's just like talking shit.
He all he walks in.
We're all like joking with him, like making fun of it because like it's raining, everyone's soaked.
And then he starts talking to one of the guys at the booth.
And the guy at the booth, they start like jawing at each other.
And then the guy at the booth stands up and he's like, yeah, punch me.
And he's like, yeah, I will punch you, motherfucker.
And like they just start yelling at each other.
And then Schultz is like, just sit down.
And then both of them are like, that's a better idea.
And then they both sit down and then they all just eat together.
We also love Bomb, the guy.
The guy needed a little bit of love.
He had like a chip on his shoulder, and then we just started love-bombing him.
Yeah, we were like, Patrick, Patrick, we love Patrick.
And he was like, Oh, all right, let's get to that.
Like, grabs his dick, but like, from one minute to be like, Yo, we're going to fight in this deli.
Like, if someone threw a punch, it was on to then just like eating beans together.
Two seconds, yeah.
Like, that is kind of nice.
Yeah, yeah, you, I think we get this like different version of like British people where like we get the Hugh Grant version, so we expect they're all like these like mumbling pussies.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, nobody is afraid of Hugh Grant, right?
Hugh Grant is a bitch for all intents and purposes, right?
Like, that's what his character has always been.
And, like, talking shit after he leaves it about, no, Hugh Grant knows, like, that's the way he's been playing that.
Your perception of the British is they are like him, but they're not.
Yeah, I remember the first time I saw a guy Richie movie, Lockstock and Two Smoking Barrels.
I was like, this is England?
That's more of England than Hugh Grant.
Okay, okay.
Hugh Grant is kind of like the royal idea of like, let's be elegant and simple and have our feelings and you know, be unaware and unsure of ourselves.
Yeah.
And the majority of England is like, so you want to fight about this or what?
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't like your soccer team.
You know, like, am I saying you want to just fight?
Maybe we'll stab each other a little bit.
And then if we live, then we'll do it again next week.
When you leave London, you're like, oh, I see how you guys voted for Brexit.
Okay.
I understand what's going on here.
I get it.
Yeah.
I'm surprised they don't vote to further Brexit.
Like each one of the little areas wants to Brexit.
Like, yeah, it's amazing it's kept together.
Actually, shout out the Crown.
Shout out the Royal Family.
Holding all these guys together is quite impressive.
Yeah.
Like that's a good feat because they're not all on board.
No, they can't hold their family together.
That's true.
Yeah.
But yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a lot of dissent, put it that way.
Yeah.
It was fun, though.
It was fun.
Smells and Brexit Politics00:10:17
You farted in the lounge and it created a scene.
Do you remember that?
Yeah, the Indians got all excited, dude.
Ray is when we're leaving.
You know how he just farts often?
Most of the time he farts and no one says anything.
But then we're raised, we're leaving, bro.
We're in Abu Dhabi.
We were sitting in this tiny lounge and he just goes, uh-oh.
And we all just look at him and it's just the loudest fart.
All of us walk away.
And then literally, some dude from across the thing goes, Hey, that's pretty gross.
You got a picking and flicking situation.
I did, I did, but I didn't care.
I leaned the fuck up.
But then it became like a combo.
You guys were like talking about it.
You're like, yeah, they want stoners.
Here's what it is.
Created a moment.
I've never seen that before.
My stomach wasn't ready, bro.
It wasn't fucking ready.
What did that guy say?
Do you remember?
Oh, no.
I thought he liked it though.
The Indian dude, all they needed.
Bro, nobody milks wheelchairs on a plane like fucking Indians, bro.
And it's goddamn annoying.
It takes twice as long to get on a fucking airplane if there's Indians there, because every Indian over 45 pretends they're 300 years old and they get in a stupid fucking wheelchair and then like, when they have to get out, they exaggerate how slow they have to.
Oh, like i've never walked before.
They're 80 dude, they just look young because they don't age like white people no no, they look like they look bad, like they're old.
No, they look bad, but like they're a hundred years old, all of them, I bet.
So they are old.
Yeah yeah, that's what that was what I was saying.
Yeah, you said, every Indian that's 45 gets in a wheelchair.
I'm telling you they're old.
Oh god, they are 100.
Yeah gotcha gotcha gotcha, gotcha.
No, but they're doing the old Disney World trick.
Yeah, that's what they're.
They're milking it, dude.
They're milking it even here in the sky.
The best is that they were doing it and Andrew's just seeing like six of them go unloading.
It's like the best part is they unloaded and so the people that are walking the wheelchairs are now coming off the skybridge, except then one person behind Andrew claim like an old Indian lady, gets into the wheelchair and turns around Hero, dude.
Awesome.
Just Auntie.
Unbelievable, bro.
Unbelievable.
Are they doing it here in the States, too?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, you'll have a fucking over there.
They were coming back.
Yeah.
It's getting excessive.
Right?
With the, if, yeah, you can't.
If you need the wheelchair, I don't know.
I don't know if you could travel.
You used a wheelchair when you sprained your ankle.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I was trying to get a bigger.
It's a legit injury.
He wasn't being a lion fucking Indian.
Like, load them in from cargo, you know, just God.
Damn.
Honestly, no.
No, that is, that is, honestly, it might be a good idea.
It might be a good idea.
No, no, bro.
We on top of the plane, but not on the Z. That's subjugation, dude.
No, it was.
And then the fucking, we might have to cut this, but the smell.
Like something you've never experienced.
I have.
You have?
Fuck me, bro.
Like, it was one of those things where I was like, this, this is, it's not a stereotype.
I went to.
They've designed something where we were in the plane to like create a cocoon with air because it didn't get into my seat.
Yeah, no, the mask dropped down.
Do you remember?
Did they?
Oh, my God.
It was such a good curry flavor air coming out.
What airline is.
Oh my god, Etihad, but the Jetbridge smell when you're just locked in this little thing.
Yeah.
And they are, and I don't even know why they're sweating.
They're sitting down to getting rolled, but they are fucking emanating stink.
It's a distinct BO.
Because I feel like there's an African B.O. and there's an Indian B.O.
And you know which one is which.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Relaxed.
Oh, my.
Not African American, but you never got into an African's cabin and been like, yeah, yeah.
So I went to an Indian comedian friend of mine, India Indian, his like comedy show, entire rows.
I would just be like, God damn, what?
But what is the deal?
They don't wear deodorant.
Why not?
Why not?
Because they're the first hipsters, bro.
No, but I think it's because we've go to Brooklyn.
They always go like that.
No, no, but we've been limited in our ability because bullying people is how you kind of get them to assimilate, right?
Like you bully them a little bit and then they kind of get on board because they understand like what they're doing that's different from whatever the dominant culture is.
They try to bully a haircut for the longest.
It's not working, bro.
Dominant culture.
This is the dominant culture.
Okay.
They try this as the tried to make the word deodorant.
They invented the brand.
What is it?
Old spice.
They were like, dude, these people love spices.
Let's make a company.
It still didn't work.
The oldest spice.
It's the worst one.
I mean, unbelievable, dude.
I just could not.
We need to do something about it.
I think it'll change over time.
I think the actual issue is infrastructure.
There's not like supermarkets with deodorant on every whatever.
So as infrastructure improves, more and more people are just going to be able to do it.
Do we sponsor someone?
But we were in the United Arab Emirates.
Yeah, so just culturally, it becomes not.
You just don't wear it.
Okay.
And then I remember Richard Pryor had a joke where they think, you know, he went to Africa and he's like, they think we smell weird with all the deodorant shit.
So he's like.
But that's a joke.
Yeah.
He said, but he's that's not true.
That is a lot.
That is a lie.
You think he emotionally truthed that whole thing?
I think he emotionally, that's an emotional truth.
I don't think that's an emotional truth.
No, this is an emotional truth.
I think there's a seed of truth.
I think it's the Armen Palmer 70%.
It's the smell.
This happened to me.
I smelled this thing.
No, because I don't think Africans smell or Indians smell like a rose and they're like, ugh.
Like, I think they go, oh, that's a beautiful smell.
That's awesome.
Oh, you're saying the deodorant.
Okay.
All right.
Well, yeah, all these things are based on fragrances, right?
Like the nose knows what smells well.
I think they smell like a flower and they go, ooh, disgusting.
I don't think they do.
Maybe I think they go, this smells great.
Maybe it smells fake to them.
To them, it's like when people who put on too much cologne or perfume.
So then they're like, yo, you're smelling too strong.
It's a good smell.
It's like overpowering.
Anything at this point, anything?
It was a real problem.
My brother-in-law, I was stuck behind one of these guys, man.
And it was like a wall.
Like, it was a, I was walking through a wall.
Like, and keep in mind, on the side, they got the wheelchairs going.
So I'm just further stuck behind him and just boom, smacking.
I feel like Dylan Dannis, bro.
Just get smacked around by Indian fucking body odor.
Oh, it might have been Pakistani.
Could have been.
It could have been actually.
Yeah.
We had a brother-in-law who stayed with us and we kept telling him: we're like, dude, you smell.
And he was.
And he was like, no, I don't.
I don't.
I'm telling you, I don't.
Then he went to, he told us he went to his cousin's house in LA and he was on a business call.
And the cousin's dad, his uncle, smelled him, went and got a brand new stick of deodorant, handed to him.
While he's on the call, he's like, in Bundabi, he's like, no, now, put it on now.
And then lectured him about how you're giving us a bad name.
There's a stereotype about Indians that we come here and we smell and people like you make it harder for me to do business.
That's holy.
It was so funny.
His uncle would be like, now when you want to call, you should have done that shit.
But you know how like I was too nice about it.
We'll overtip sometimes because they're trying to make up for the fact that you have that stereotype.
They don't do that yet.
But you were being rude.
You were being too funny.
Oh, I bullied him to tipping woke.
Yeah.
Let's go.
No, not tipping.
No, I'm not playing.
I know what we're talking about, but it just came up.
But when we were getting on the plane and you febrezed that lady, that was too far.
I didn't Febreze her.
You did.
You got a little bit of a shot.
Also, you fart all the time.
You smell like shit all the time.
I did.
I do fart a lot.
That is true.
So you smell a lot, not as consistently, not as constantly.
But he's battling fire with fire.
Like he only does it when he's around me.
Only thing I can do.
Yeah, he's battling spice with fire.
Exactly.
Spices with gas?
Yeah, for real.
That was the only weapon I had in that moment.
But when she turned away and you sprayed her, that was too far.
I didn't spray her.
Well, it wasn't a spray.
I had gotten some of the, what's it called?
What are they called?
Aerosol.
Not aerosol.
It's a fire extinguisher.
Yes.
I gotten a fire extinguisher.
I had taken one fire extinguisher and I hosed her down.
I had to.
I had to hose her and him down.
I mean, it was, I'll never forget that moment when I was stuck in a jet bridge and my nose was on fire for 15 minutes minimum.
You're going to go to, you know what's crazy?
You're going to go to India?
Yeah.
And that's on me.
The other smells are going to be so overpowering, you're not even going to notice.
Can I tell you something?
I'm opting into that.
If when I go to India and everybody there smells of body odor, I deserve that because I'm going to their culture and I'm adopting their culture.
If I complain about it one bit, I'm a bitch, right?
Because I'm opting in.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, you can't go to the beach resort and complain there's sand.
You asked to be here.
We're in the United Arab Emirates.
Okay.
We're flying Eptihad.
It smells like a fucking pet store.
God damn suck.
I mean, God.
If it said, God, it smelled like a hamster cage, dude.
It was one of the craziest things I've ever seen.
You had a shower on the flight.
You offered to give someone a shower.
I tried to, because there was a shower.
And that was rude.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But one of the, I saw the guy reject the shower and I said, I can't argue with the smell.
I won't argue with the smell.
It's a smell that's there.
I be telling people, you got to come here.
There's not as much pollution in America to overpower the BO.
But maybe that's alpha.
I don't know.
It's kind of alpha.
No, I really think it also, India, there's just a lot of pollution.
It hits you in the face when you come in from America.
And I think you don't smell these things.
Dude, my dad, cigarettes in America, when he would smoke, I would cough.
I couldn't handle it.
In India, he'd be smoking this close to me and I wouldn't even notice because there's so many other smells.
Fucking fantastic point.
Like if you live next to like a bakery, you smell the fresh croissants every morning.
Yeah.
Right.
I'm sorry.
No, there's no, I'm just saying you smell it, so it's covered.
Yeah.
No, it's just it.
The pollution really is like, especially in like New Delhi, it's just crazy.
You notice it, the smog.
So that's what you're smelling.
You're not noticing the person to person.
So they come here, they just think that there's pollution.
They're like, they just think, yeah, this is, there's never been an issue before, so why would it be an issue now?
Alpha Pheromones and Pollution00:02:06
Yeah.
This is clean here.
But then they started to smell it.
They don't smell themselves.
That's crazy.
I think you get threatened by alpha pheromones.
That's probably like you ever go to like a like a valid.
It's not a key bone on it.
No, that's true.
Like if you go to like a situation right now, that's probably right.
Like if you're around like gorillas, you're probably right.
Like gorillas have like a like a pheromone that smells like BO, and you're like, oh, these are like fucking boss ass gorillas.
Yeah.
And that's alpha pheromone.
I was bodied by them.
I was bodied.
Yeah.
I think you smell alpha pheromones.
I don't know if you can handle it.
No, I think what happened is one of those old women in the wheelchair crossed her legs and I fainted.
That's what I think.
That's what I think happened.
That's what I think happened.
I saw her go like this.
I saw her go like this, like this, like this, and my knees got weak.
Like I just hit the medwaq for 20 minutes.
Dude, we got my, we know.
I think we might need to run back to madwaja really quick.
It was, that's hilarious.
It was, yeah, it was truly one of the most excruciatingly painful moments of my entire life.
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There was an awesome Instagram moment while we were gone that was giving us extreme FOMO.
We watched Akash at his first concert.
And he's my first concert.
He's on stage at his first concert with Fateh.
Fuck this.
Shout out to Fateh.
Fantastic concert.
Shout out to Fate, who's on tour right now.
Go check out Fate.
And Akash was vibing.
He was getting into it.
Yep.
What were you doing exactly?
What was posted and that you reposted happily was you texting next to him on stage while he was performing his heart.
So before I get your boy, your boy.
Yeah, this is my boy.
It's my brother.
I love this guy.
He's fantastic.
Check him out.
Before I go.
Have you ever checked him out or do you just look at your fucking phone?
No, you was checking him out, actually.
Oh, you're watching him?
Okay, you're watching.
Gotcha, gotcha.
Before that, I was rapping one of his songs that he hasn't released.
I knew more words than him.
But this was the funniest moment from the thing.
Right, right, right, right.
I don't know I'm gonna get called on stage.
So I'm texting my wife.
I'm like, yo, I'm starving.
I'm on this diet.
I can't eat jack shit.
I can't eat certain things at Chipotle.
They're gonna close.
Can you just order something for me?
Okay.
And then she sees the message and then she's like, text me your order.
They don't have X, Y, and Z.
So while I'm on stage, she's like, they close in two minutes.
You need to text me.
I have to start texting her my Chipotle order as I'm on stage vibing with everybody because I have two minutes.
So they're all getting fucking hype, raising their.
And I'm, I can't have sour cream.
I can't have cheese.
I can only have this double chicken.
It's just, it was so fucking funny that someone caught that moment on camera.
I was like, this is the best.
Your wife caught it.
Yeah.
No, somebody filmed me texting the thing and then he sent it to both of us and then she posted it and I reposted it.
I got you.
I got you.
Yeah.
But it was fan.
The concert was fired.
It was so fun.
It is working, by the way.
You're looking very trim.
Yeah, you're looking good, my boy.
How much you lose so far?
I think I'm down like 21 pounds.
There's something hilarious about you.
21 pounds?
Losing weight and then just also losing the will to live.
You know what I mean?
Like, there's something so poetic about this.
Strict ass diaper.
Best you've ever looked.
Just so miserable.
It's called state-of-the-art soda, I guess, but it's like super strict.
So you can't eat anything, really.
Like even certain vegetables you're not supposed to eat.
So I'm fucking miserable all the time, but I do feel like I look great.
There you go.
You look great.
Well, thank you.
Yeah, you look great.
Appreciate that.
Shouts.
I went to Kid Super's birthday party.
Oh, how was that?
It was fire.
It was cool.
Yeah, it was.
He has a very young crowd and they like to fucking party.
So like when I'm walking and I'm walking to my shodi and all of a sudden a fucking mosh bit starts up.
Yo, I've never seen her look more terrified ever.
She's getting bumped around.
I'm like this, like a fucking security guard just trying to get her.
And we're like, but thanks.
He showed love.
We went backstage.
Fucking Bobby Schmurder.
He performed.
He was high as fuck.
But that was a great performance.
Fucking Rich Homie Kwan.
He came and I'll tell the boy.
So Kid Super gets on stage before Rich Hobie starts to perform.
He's like, yo, guys, Rich Homie Kwan.
He's a fucking legend.
Like, this guy's a genius, a musical genius.
I'm like, I think he's only had like two hits.
One of them still slaps.
It's just like the way he spoke about him, you thought he was like bringing Jay-Z on stage or whatever.
I'm like, that is love right there.
Like, that's what's up.
Rich Homie Kwan got bangers, though.
No, he does.
He has bangers, but I mean, the way he was speaking about him, you thought like Jay-Z was coming to perform.
Nah, but both of those shits is fire.
Like, he knows how to throw a party.
Yeah.
Who Kit Super?
Yeah, he knows how to throw a fucking party.
Yeah, it looked fun.
That was fire.
Over the break.
Well, not even the break while you guys were away.
It's funny.
I think I figured out where strippers do during the day.
Okay.
Because it's like, you know, they work at night, but they work for a few hours and then it's like, yeah.
So I went to get my teeth white.
You know, this place We Smile in Astoria right up the block from Riviera's popular strip club there.
It's called We Smile.
Yeah, it's called We Smile.
Yeah.
And so all the dental hygienists.
Or strippers.
Fucking.
Oh, wow.
Like, yeah.
Couldn't even concentrate.
Like, they didn't even have to ask me to smile.
I was just like, that's the whole time.
Smiling.
Yeah.
It's called We Smile for a while.
But yo, the baddest dental party.
What do they wear?
Just regular dental hygienists?
You know, they got the tightest, like, fucking scrubs and shit like that.
There's a sorry, babe.
This is an old trick from dentists.
So your dentist will never tell you the price of the procedure.
Oh, they got me.
Who told you?
Because I just went in for a whiting and it's like, oh, I'll do the cleaning.
I'll do the extra.
I'll do everything.
But why'd you pay singles, though?
It's kind of weird.
Like, I've never done that at dentists my whole life.
I was like, you want to extra tip on that cold pay right there?
Your teeth look white, bro.
How many times have you gone?
Oh, I'll run back.
But isn't that crazy?
Like, you just have the, my boy is a dentist.
It's like, yeah, you got to have like the fine girl go tell the dude how much it costs.
Oh, that's a thing?
Yeah, because you won't say no to the girl.
If a guy comes in and he's like, yeah, it's going to cost five grand for your molars.
Fuck your dude's like, I don't need molars.
But if a girl comes in, this huge fucking ass and these tight ass scrubs and they're like, hey, listen, it's $5,000 for that and you probably need a whiteening or whatever.
You really going to tell her no?
They got me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Always Latina.
Hate strip clubs, right?
God damn, I always walk out a lot poorer than make eye contact the whole time.
She's like, spit here, Poppy.
I was like, oh, she's feeling.
Why'd she ask me to see it?
What else we got going on, Martin?
We just have some feelings on facts?
Yeah, he's got a bunch of random things.
All right.
Jon Stewart's show got canceled.
The problem with Jon Stewart.
Apple canceled it apparently because of some of the content related to the AI in China.
So what I heard is John Stewart is a fucking goat, by the way.
He's an absolute goat.
What I heard is he was okay with them asking him not to criticize China because he's like, all right, I get it.
Fine.
A lot of your products are made over there.
It's a spiteful government.
Whatever.
I get it.
I'll pull back on that.
Then when they asked about the AI criticism, he was like, you know what?
Fuck you.
I don't need this.
You're not going to sit here and police my material.
That's just not happening.
Yeah.
Wow.
Which is so fire, dude.
Yeah, I love that.
And I get him.
I get him not doing the China piece because he's agreeing to do a show on Apple.
Yeah.
So it's like, if you're, you know, that you're in bed with Apple, who's in bed with China.
So it's, are you really going to be critical of him?
You're supporting the brand.
You're building the brand.
Yeah.
Right.
So I get him going, all right, then I could potentially be hypocritical.
Which is also so cool of him to have that self-awareness and be like, I'm going to give you Apple.
Give you that one.
Done.
Who am I?
Yeah.
But then, you know, Jon Stewart's in the I don't need your money land.
He's got fucking money.
But there's a lot of people in that land that still take the money.
And I don't judge them because I could end up being one of them if I had that kind of money.
But Jon Stewart should truly be like, now this is my ethic and I'm not going to fuck with that.
I'm out.
Now, question.
Details of the AI story.
No, I don't know.
Was it something he did do or something that he wanted to do?
I think he wanted to do it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now, here's the question.
I'm sure, like, Jon Stewart is like the most caring dude.
Like, he's dedicated his post-daily show career to like getting health care to the firefighters that were, you know, affected by Natalie.
Like, this guy clearly cares about people.
Burn Pitts thing he talked about on his show.
He's the man.
Now, I wonder how difficult it was for him to stop the show, knowing that there are probably all these people working for the show that depend on it.
Like, I wonder if he's like, ugh, I can't be censored and just become like a propaganda arm for Apple.
But at the same time, there are all these people I fucking really love and believe in that rely on this.
That's a good point, but I think it's going to be a crazy bidding war for that show.
Oh, so you're saying the show won't stop.
It will just go somewhere.
Somebody is like, hey, we'll let you say whatever you want.
Netflix, now's your time, bro.
Netflix, now is your time.
I mean, look at like John.
John Oliver.
Yeah, Kills.
He's with HBO.
Yeah.
And they gave him so much more money.
It's on YouTube, but you can watch all of it for free.
Yep.
Like, yes.
I mean, if I'm Netflix, I go, okay, let's compete with HBO.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Put it on YouTube.
Get the money.
Yeah.
Also, another cool story about John.
One of our friends wrote for him on another project that he, John, decided not to move forward with.
It was supposed to be like an animation thing, and the technology wasn't there.
He thought about his employees, and then he just paid them out for an extra, like, it was like way more than what the standard is.
Like, here, you guys, this will give you time to figure out what you want to do.
He just paid them.
So, like, he's the fucking goat.
What I was wondering, you know, who still needs a host for their show?
The Daily Show.
Does he come back?
Oh, imagine?
I mean, imagine.
Yeah.
Even if he guest hosted for a month, it'd be the craziest.
The Daily Show needs him really, really bad.
That would be awesome.
Yeah.
That would be so fucking cool.
And then immediately reestablishes it as the brand that it used to be.
Yes.
That would be so fucking cool.
Daily Show, get on it.
Or if he runs for president.
Oh, Jesus.
That's my vote.
A thousand percent.
I don't think he wants to do politics because he can't.
He probably feels like he can't be the honest, good person that he is.
I feel like, you know, that's hard.
Let's speak to his character, but he goes to Washington and he speaks like he's trying to change.
That's what I'm saying.
That'd be interesting.
Yeah.
Okay, what else we got?
Michael Irvin called out his rapper's son.
I love this.
Michael Irvin's the man.
We need him back, dude.
Yeah, Michael Irvin.
Are we allowed to play, you think?
You want to get a clip for us?
Is it ESPN?
Then yes.
Basically, just describe it.
He goes, he goes, my son is rapping all this nonsense.
You grew up in a gated community.
He says his name.
He goes, my son is a rapper, Tarantino.
So you out the guy immediately.
You can't even hide behind it.
He's like, he's rapping about all these things, lies.
He just, he grew up in a gated community.
You rapping about my life.
Yeah.
So fucking fire.
Amazing.
Michael Irvin's a legend.
Oh, my God.
Shitty father, though.
My thing is like, come on, Mike.
Let him eat.
Nobody can eat but you.
Also, like, talk to him.
You got his number?
Give him a call.
Like, you don't got to do it on national television, bro.
But then I saw a clip of a couple of his son's music videos, all in the big mansion show.
I'm just trying to eat breakfast.
I got to maneuver the fucking cameras.
He's crazy.
That's funny.
Oh, that was fucked up, bro.
That's funny.
What's this?
What's this Britney story?
Yeah, all this Britney Spears drama is all of a sudden dropping right now.
She got a book coming out.
So these are excerpts from the book.
And apparently, they're not making Justin look great.
So she's basically, apparently, she said, I don't know if I saw this on Twitter.
I know she said he had a small penis, but I think the first, the excerpt of the tweet I saw was the first time they had sex.
She said, you can put it in now.
And he was like, it already is in.
Is that real?
I don't know if that's real.
Is that real?
It's really funny.
It's really funny.
This bitch is crazy.
Nah, free Britney.
Yeah.
Lock that bitch up, bro.
It's crazy that people are still making money off of her.
That's what's crazy.
Like, this girl is absolutely out of her mind and they're signing book deals.
Like, they're like agents and people maneuvering behind the scenes.
Pimpin never ends, bro.
Yo, it's fucking insane.
They're gonna eat.
Now she's off the conservatorship, right?
So yes, her money.
So they could take even more money.
But she gets the money at least.
Yeah, hopefully.
Does she?
Or does the agent and the lawyer and all these other people siphon it all out, make sure her bills are going to hurt?
This feels like some Eldis shit.
Y'all seen the Elvis movie with the homeboy in it?
Major or something or something like that.
What is his name?
His manager that took half of his money.
50%.
Yeah, but just treated him like a dairy cow.
Like, yo, you live here, you perform here.
You don't got to go anywhere else.
And I feel like that's what they're doing, a dairy cow.
Quite a bit of musicians.
100%.
But once you know that she's out of her mind, it just feels worse.
Like if you're a sane person and you're being taken advantage of, it's fucked up and it's fucked up.
But there's part of you that's going, I really want this fame.
I really want all these other things.
So if you're sane, you are, if you're aware of it, you are allowing it because you're aware of it.
There are people who get stolen from that don't know.
That's fucked up.
This girl's out of her mind.
She Jameson with the knives and shit.
There's two stories about Justin.
Let me know what you think of them.
One is he actually cheated on her twice before she cheated, and then he came out with Crimea River.
Oh, wow.
Shut up, bitch.
Who are you talking about?
I don't even like this.
Who is that bitch for?
I was on your side.
What was that bitch for?
I was on your side for a second, but you just now gone out with that shit.
That's so crazy.
Because she was looking bad when that whole Crime River shit.
And she never once mentioned that he cheated on her for a while.
Yeah, you're going to come out 20 years later, say this shit.
Fuck that.
So you don't believe it?
I don't believe it.
Okay.
How old were they when they dated that bitch up?
How old were they when they did?
They were like 20?
No, 17 and 18.
They started.
Bro, like, these are children that are like being stupid.
I don't know.
You're also, dude, they had America in a chokehold this couple.
Did we?
I don't know.
We were teenagers.
You're legitimately too young to remember.
We were teenagers when they were together, and it was like it's the cup.
Crimea River was fire, dog.
Fire, it was probably that level, like Kim and Kanye, right?
Like that type of level.
But like, people were rooting for them.
I don't think a lot of people were rooting for Kim and Kanye.
We were just captivated by people were rooting for them.
That's why they hated Brittany when he said she cheated in that song.
Kim K, male nanny.
What's this?
Yo, come on, yo.
I already know how you feel about it.
Oh, come on, bro.
Do you know the details?
Yeah, she's like, she and I are a male nanny, so there would be a good male role model in Kanye's absence for her son.
But a male nanny ain't a good male role model.
Yeah.
Why not?
Why not?
He's an entrepreneur, bro.
Hard-working man, entrepreneur.
Care of the kids.
Yeah, compassionate, empathetic.
Yeah.
I don't know, man.
Aging Parents and Nanny Drama00:12:17
I'm with you.
But you're on some real gender role.
You get to molest the kids.
Come on.
What grown-ass man wants to babysit other people's kids unless they're going to molest them?
So that's only a job for women.
Babysitting?
Yeah.
I'll hear him out.
I'll hear him out.
You male babysitters?
Caring kids.
This is a to be fair.
This is not.
This is a grown-ass man.
This is a grown-ass man whose full-time job is babysitting.
Yeah.
You are crazy.
I got to see.
Is he gay?
He gets to be.
I got to see the guy.
He gets to be around Kim Kardashian and, you know, and all her intimate settings and shit like that.
That's, you know.
Okay, so he's in it for the clown.
Good ambiance around.
No.
A male babysitter?
You're going to trust her on your children, Al?
A male babysitter.
I mean, a female one killed Selena.
So it's so, it's funny that she just trust easy.
No, that was her aunt.
No, that was just like the worker bitch.
No, no, no, no.
Now, she like handled much.
She was like heavily involved in their thing, I think.
Oh, okay.
It wasn't her aunt.
Oh, it wasn't her aunt?
Yo, point is.
No, it wasn't her aunt, but she was like a super fan.
They've like got to work with them and work her way up.
But it's also funny that she's just so bad at having a relationship with a male who's a healthy role model.
She's like, why don't I just hire somebody?
Try not to fuck them.
And then maybe they a male.
Is that him?
I don't know, bro.
Is that him?
Oh, that's a problem.
No, that's a football player, right?
I think he's a black dude.
You just saw a black guy in a fucking jersey and you assume that he played for the team.
Oh, yeah.
And when I do that, it's racist.
When I do that at the airport every single time, it's race.
He's the tallest one with the jersey up.
Bro.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.
So who can be a babysitter?
Women.
Okay.
Jamaicans.
Lesbian.
Jamaican women.
I was raised by lesbians.
Latina women.
I was raised by Columbia lesbians.
I can tell, bro.
That's why you dress like that.
I'm a Columbian lesbian.
She'll just leave you at the park.
No, that was the white bitch.
My mom hired this Irish bitch never again because she left me in the fucking seat, lazy bitch.
All right, then the Colombian Lezos got on it and it was fire.
Oh, she had a lesbian.
I had a Colombian lesbian.
She used to cook me rice and tuna.
You know, she liked that tuna.
Rice and tuna every single day.
But I'm, yeah, male babies are no.
I had a male babysitter once and I had to sit down with my parents after that shit.
I was like, what are we doing, yo?
I sat them down.
He left.
The door closed.
I said, yo, sit down.
What are we doing, yo?
He was like, y'all trying to get me fucked?
Y'all try.
If I didn't have my Oshcosh, but gosh, it would have been on.
It was too difficult to unsnap the shoulders.
I was luckily in my Oshkosh, but gosh.
Apparently, Kanye's been cool with him.
Female babysitter is going to fuck the kids.
They're not going to fuck.
Why?
And if they are, that's what it's less.
It's less.
It's less.
You just, yeah, it's a head start.
It's less.
It's less.
Do we know where Ghislaine Maxwell is right now?
It's less.
I'm just saying.
It's less.
She's still alive.
Streets ain't safe.
Is that the guy?
I don't know who it is, bro.
We got to get him on the pod.
We immediately need him on the pod.
Nah, bro.
Hey, yo, seen that before.
Yeah.
All right.
Do we have any more, Marquis?
Um, do you see the oldest woman ever that went skydiving?
She was like 104 when she was skydiving.
Yeah, they be making big deals about this shit.
And then she died four days later or something.
Wow.
Oh, she actually died?
Yeah.
But why do people make a big deal about that when old people do daring things?
You made a big deal about you skydiving at 25.
Yeah.
What are you talking about?
No, I have my whole life.
Dumbass.
I was in your point.
I see the logic now.
Fucking idiot.
You've seen a logic.
Yeah.
If you're 25, you have the rest of your life.
When George Bush's dad did it, everybody's like, oh, it's crazy.
He's doing it.
He's going to die.
Who cares?
The whole reason skydiving is scary is because you could die.
It's because they're doing young people things.
They're living lives beyond being incapacitated in a house, not doing anything.
Them doing anything is cool and then doing something especially like the hella fragile.
She could have turned to dust.
She might have never hit the ground.
Pussy.
That's what I say.
Pussy.
Why y'all waited that long?
That's how she floated.
Do it when you're younger.
Do it when you're younger.
You got shit to actually.
She floated down, actually.
Was the pussy?
They just opened it up, lips.
No parachute.
They were butterflies.
She ripped the clips off the fuck pussy.
I'm just saying, don't do it when you're old, bro.
Get after it like the rest of us when you're young.
That's soft to wait that old.
This is you getting excuses for when you're 100.
I went skydiving.
Been there, done that.
Ask me if I'm going to go bungee jumping now.
Was it her first time skydiving?
I don't know if we know that.
I don't know if that's it.
Might not have been.
Yeah, she might have been a pro.
I don't know.
She might have gone with her.
George Bush Sr.'s legs ain't worked, bro.
When he hit the ground, ooh.
Wait, what happened?
Just accordion.
Just crumpled.
Ostrich.
He goes, bang.
Have you gone skydiving?
No.
Pussy.
Have you?
Yes, I have.
I would go.
I've been a little busy.
Someone bought you skydiving for your wedding and you didn't go.
Wait, wow.
Someone got you skydiving for a wedding gift and he never went.
Oh, hell yeah.
You never did one of your fucking weddings.
I would.
I would do it.
Why?
Wait, what?
Why?
Why would I?
Yeah.
Seems fun.
It's also out of my control.
I don't have to do anything.
You just lay there and then a guy floats you down.
Seems pretty easy.
That's the only part that's fun.
I'm not going to have a woman strap to my back.
Hey, yo.
I said no to the woman.
Yeah.
Are you crazy?
Gonna put your hands in the.
It was this girl.
She's like 5'4.
And I was like, nah.
Give me that big motherfucker.
I don't want to.
I don't want to die with a guy smushed up my back.
It is what it is.
But you're going to die if a girl's pulling a parachute.
Exactly.
You can't trust her.
So all she got to do is pull.
I'll help her out.
No.
Like, women are always late.
You don't know what she's going through, too.
Is she going to be fucking suicidal and shit?
You got to deal with this bitch moping on the way down.
You're like, yeah, hold on, hold on.
Why didn't he call me back?
It's like, hey, we're getting close.
We're going to have a bullet.
Dude.
Yeah, you don't have to deal with all that.
Dude, you would have you guys gotta die?
Fuck no, dude.
Would you?
No.
Pussy, man.
No.
What's your pussy, though, man?
But you a bungee jump, though, when you're 100.
I'm not bungee jumping.
When you're 100.
No.
Why not?
No, because I gave up my time.
Yeah, like there's a window.
You're 100.
Once you hit 30, you can't do stupid shit.
Yeah, why are you still trying to be exhilarated?
You're 100, bro.
You got nothing to lose at that point.
Yeah, that's why it's no fun.
It's fun when you got someone to lose.
That's the whole exciting part of it.
So then, so if it's not exciting, then you should do it.
It'd be easy.
For what?
If it's not exciting, now I gotta get strapped up and jump off a shit when I'm just like, oh, I didn't die.
Like, it seems like the biggest waste of a day.
I mean, it'd be the afternoon, bro.
I'm more likely to do it when I'm dumb old.
Really?
Yeah, because there's nothing else going on.
Nah.
When you're old, bro, you just fucking.
You're going to be doing Molly when you're old, bro.
I'm going to be doing drugs.
He's going to be 100 years old.
I'll be a drug addict, most likely.
For sure.
100 years old, you got nothing.
You got to preserve.
Exactly.
Your brain's gone.
Your brain is mush.
That's what I tell my parents.
I'm like, yo, you guys should just fucking do mushrooms.
Why don't they do it?
So how they don't allow drugs, like recreational drugs, in like retirement communities, nursing homes, it's fucked.
Let these guys have something.
Yeah, that's it.
Like, you should be 21 to drink.
You should be 70 to do anything else.
Yeah.
Not prescription.
Yeah.
Tell him about the villages, Mark.
Oh, villages in Central Florida.
Do you know what the villages are?
No.
This is the largest retirement community in the world.
They've literally built an entire city.
You have to be over a certain age just to live there.
And then you apply, you get in, everyone goes on golf carts.
Everyone's old as fuck.
And people just go around just fuck each other.
Swinging.
The golf carts have like different loofahs on the top.
And the different loofahs mean different things.
Are you a swinger?
Are you gay?
Open, gay, threesome.
Because they're all over 65, I think.
Just hopped up on Viagra, playing golf, smoking pussy.
Can't get pregnant.
Can't get pregnant.
Crazy STD rate, highest STD rate in the country.
Yeah.
So people literally just drive around golf carts, drink all day.
They got everything in the facility.
Golf course, tennis, pool.
That shit sounds like they got activities every single day.
Yeah.
You just pull up.
Grandkids can come visit you.
Then they got to kick them out at a certain hour because the fucking starts.
You know what I mean?
It gets crazy.
Yeah.
It gets old as hell.
But yeah, I think you get it.
You hit 65, all drugs are illegal.
Are legal.
Yeah.
You want to do heroin?
Why not?
Absolutely.
I mean, 65 is young, b like.
You got half your life left.
40.
You hit 40.
You can do anything you want.
It's fully legal.
Once you're 40, once you're old as fuck, like once you're washed, then fucking almost dead.
When is it?
80?
When's 80?
Nah, 70, bro.
65 because retirement.
I think so.
So you worked your whole life.
You paid into this economy and this world.
Now you can fucking do it every day.
You're going to pinch a bag of Coke, boom, on the table.
Light it up.
I think 70, 70 sounds about right.
I mean, to start just absolutely demolishing your body, 80.
Bro, no, it's 70.
You can slide.
Slide people don't make it to 80.
We got to see what life expects.
If you made an 80-year-old, bro, it's like, yeah.
No, you got to 65.
And then if they die earlier, it's fine.
It takes the burden off the social system.
Oh, that's a great point.
And they had fucking fun for 15 years.
Tell the people that blast, yo.
That's what I'm saying, bro.
It's a good idea.
It's like Tosh had this thing.
He's like, we made the age 65 when you died at 67.
You know what I mean?
We didn't plan for people to live this long.
We can't handle it.
So we got to find a way to speed up people dying.
What better way for people to die than do blow until you're done?
Oh my gosh.
Tashmid?
I mean, not that part, but he's like, yeah, you should retire later.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Drugs, dude.
Drugs.
Yeah.
I might be all right with that, but 70 feels crazy early, bro.
70?
He just, yeah.
We're saying 65.
I think we're all in the 65.
I think 80 or 75 at least.
No one in my family made it to 80, bro.
Yeah, that's crazy.
Really?
Yeah, I'm dying young.
Yeah.
By 80, it should be required.
They should be shooting you up with fucking fatballs.
You know what I mean?
That's exactly what you're saying.
Optional is 65, 80.
It's like it's in the soup.
You got to poison the water, bro.
You're micro-dosing at 80.
Yeah.
Run it up.
What a good way to die on heroin, having the best time.
Yeah.
Your kids are there.
Like, fuck, this is awesome.
Yeah, run it up.
Yeah, maybe that's a great idea.
Shit.
You can't do it before that.
That's crazy.
That's illegal.
Yeah, too much to live for.
70, though.
Prostitution, legal.
You can get it.
You can give it.
That's fire.
Sell that box at 70, huh?
Yeah.
Set your own price.
Whatever you want, dude.
70 is a different country.
Yeah, that's sort of a different country.
We're solving something.
I do like taking care of old people in that way.
Now, you're trying to get dick down?
Easy.
70.
Do we make, do we, do we, how do I phrase this?
Can we do national service?
At 18, you have to enlist and you can go fuck the old people.
Well, yeah, but maybe that's a way to get out of jail time.
Yeah, exactly.
Also, that.
So it's like if you're locked up for like a DUI or something.
Yeah, you got a year or you can take a plea deal.
Suck off an old guy.
That's exactly what I'm like.
What were you thinking?
Yeah, what were you thinking?
Because that's just prison.
That's just already prison.
Yeah, but not an old guy.
Yeah, it's usually like a young virile guy.
Who will fuck your ass?
Who's taking the drugs?
Who can suck this guy's dick?
I'm saying the women that get locked up.
Oh, okay.
And they could basically get a lower jail sentence by sucking off an old guy's dick.
Yep.
That works.
That's what I'm saying, dude.
I think that's a great scenario.
You've made America greater than it's ever been.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
You could run on that platform.
You would absolutely, because old people vote.
And if my platform is y'all get to do drugs, fuck hoes.
But then they stop getting to vote.
Yep.
I think once they reach a certain age, we got to stop that.
Because you aren't really in your drugged up to it.
No, not even that.
Like, you're not investing in the future of this country.
You just voting for now shit.
We need people who are like, yo, it needs to be nice for the next like 30, 40, 50 years.
You can't drive either.
Talk to me on that.
You can get the drugs, but you also can't drive.
You're going to be incapacitated.
But then they have to get golf is fine, but they should have like an Uber credit that's part of their social welfare system.
I like that.
So they have a way to get everywhere they want without us.
Because you don't want to have to, they can't drive now.
You got to drive their grandma everywhere.
Anti-Semitism and Geopolitics00:15:22
No, We got Yusuf for that.
Yeah.
He'll drive them around.
Yusuf?
Yeah, the Uber driver, Yusuf.
Oh.
That felt that did feel like a little bit racist.
Right?
Racially charged.
Wait, why is that racist?
I went to school with a Nigerian dude named Yusuf.
He drives Uber now.
Oh, God.
Don't do that.
Wow.
Why is that bad?
Wow, bro.
Don't do that.
It's not making it any better.
What happened, dude?
You're the one black friend.
Let's take a break for a second.
Let's take a break.
What the hell, dude?
Come on.
Give me the peace.
Pass me the peace pipe.
All right, we're back.
Let's do it.
Let's have the conversation.
Israel, Palestine.
It's been a little more than two weeks since the terrorist attack by Hamas, October 7th.
And I know a lot of people have been reaching out and they're like, hey, when are you going to talk about this?
When are you going to talk about this?
I learned something in the Russia-Ukraine war and it confirmed this quote that exists.
This quote is: when the war starts, the truth dies.
And I remember at the beginning of the Russian-Ukraine war, there was that great story of the ghost of Kiev.
And I got like emotional watching videos about it.
Like I remember almost tearing up about this man that gets in his plane after not serving in the military for 20 years and he hits this guy as he starts taking out these Russian jets and the news was covering it.
Every Instagram was covering it.
There's YouTube stories about it.
And then a week later, it turns out it's not true.
And I think that we've learned that, you know, when the war starts, the truth ends up dying, at least on our social feeds over the last few weeks.
And the reason why I didn't knee-jerk jump to, you know, saying, hey, let's talk about this and give our opinion and state, one, we're obviously fucking comedians.
We're not going to solve a geopolitical crisis that's been going on for 70 fucking years.
But also because we're reacting emotionally to these things that we don't know exactly if they're true or not.
Right.
Like, and I mean, you saw it.
You even see it with the hospital bombing.
Like, we to this day still don't know exactly what the fuck happened.
Yeah.
You know, both sides are obviously claiming the other side.
Both sides are obviously using tons of propaganda to support their positions.
And I think that what a lot of people are going through over the last couple of weeks, especially people who are like one bit removed from it.
Like, obviously, if you're Israeli, you're Jewish, you're locked in your passion.
If you're Palestinian, you're locked in your passion.
But those of us who aren't either, I think what we've been going through is just like, what the fuck is true?
Yeah.
What the fuck is going on?
Like, I'm getting all this information on my feet and I'm reacting to it.
And then I'm finding out two hours later, oh, that was actually a picture from Kosovo.
And you're like, what, what is, what is happening here?
And I think, I think it took some time.
And I just wanted to like talk to some Jewish friends.
I want to talk to some Palestinian friends.
I just wanted to understand what both groups were feeling.
And I understand now how unbelievably isolating it is to be both of them in this scenario.
So like, let's just take, for example, the Jews, right?
You're a Western Jew.
You're raised your entire life with your history, with the stories of your victimization and your oppression, right?
Jews have been kicked out of every single fucking country they've ever been.
I mean, like, literally, you go to a country, even on this, this tour, I'd be doing some research of the city we're in, and then I just come across the date that the Jews were kicked out.
And I was like, oh, shit, King George did it to the fucking Jews in the year 1000 or whatever in England.
I didn't even know that happened.
Like every single country.
So you're listening to this information.
You're as a Western Jew.
You're hearing about it.
Your grandparents, you probably have grandparents who died the Holocaust tells you about it.
100%.
People are going to try to exterminate us.
100%.
They're telling you this constantly.
They're telling, hey, you're different.
And just let you know it could happen again.
We've got to be very careful.
You got to be on your P's and Q's.
And you're a Western Jew that grows up in fucking New York.
You grow up in LA or something.
You're like, I'm just American.
I'm like a white kid from America.
What are they talking about?
You hear about the anti-Semitism that will pop up sometimes, but you're like, I'm American.
This is my parents.
That was like my parents' time.
And then October 7th happens, disgusting act of terror from Hamas, terrorist organization in Gaza and kills over a thousand Jews.
And you think the reaction is going to be empathy and sympathy and concern for you and what your people just went through, this disgusting act.
But all of a sudden, you see the next day, there are like people in the streets seemingly like excited about it.
And there are sections, it's not everybody, but there are people that are like chanting horribly anti-Semitic things.
Yeah.
Truly anti-Semitic things.
100%.
And that's not everybody, of course, but there are documented sections of people that were.
But enough that it confirms.
All of a sudden, that voice that you quieted your whole life, because you're like, that's just my grandparents being crazy.
You're like, holy shit, is it true?
This is a worst case scenario.
We are different.
They are out for us.
They do hate us.
And they hate us because we're Jewish.
That's the conclusion that you would logically come to.
They want to externalist.
They want us gone, right?
You hear these chants.
So I understand what a Jewish person feels like in that moment, especially a Western Jewish person who is somewhat removed from the conflict.
Obviously, everybody there has family members, family members who have lost their lives.
You're aware of it, but you're living in the West, right?
And you hear this thing and you're like, oh my God, it is true.
It is true.
We are different and people are out to get us.
Shit, when we were in fucking Amsterdam, tell the story.
You guys are walking around at night.
Yeah, walking down the street.
And then this dude like comes out to Dove and he's like hammered walking through the streets, Amsterdam.
He just seemed like a regular dude.
He was like fist bumping everyone and being all fun.
And he looks at Dove and he's like, oh, where are you from?
And Dove was like, oh, Moroccan.
He's like, are you Jewish?
And he's like, yeah, I'm a Moroccan Jew.
And he goes, oh, what do you think about what's going on?
And like gets in his face and like starts to like size him up.
And Dav literally is just like, look, peace for everyone.
We just want everyone to be happy.
We love everyone.
And he goes, yeah, we don't fuck with Israel around here.
We don't fuck with Jews around here.
Yeah, your kind isn't welcome here.
Yeah.
Your kind isn't welcome here is where it gets like, oh, now it's hate.
And then we all step in and we're like, bro, chill, what are you doing?
The guy's like hammering.
He's fucking in a blackout.
He's like, see, typical Jew, you always run.
Like, you always get other people to fight your battles, typical Jew, blah, blah, blah.
And then that was it.
I had never seen anti-Semitism like that.
Out in the open.
Yeah, just walking down the street in Amsterdam.
Yeah.
You see, you hear about it on a fucking Call of Duty.
You know, you see it on comments, but you've never seen like the actual like hate and vitriol.
And you could see how fucking isolating that must be if you're Jewish in that moment, where you're expecting the sympathy and empathy of the world for losing over a thousand innocent people.
We're not talking about like two armies colliding.
We're talking about innocent people that have died.
Like innocent people should never bear the cost of this ever.
Still hostages and stuff.
Still hostages to this day.
And then you don't feel you're like, oh my God, I'm fucking isolated.
And not only are they not giving you sympathy, some people are celebrating.
Oh, exactly.
And that's when I was reaching out to my Jewish friends.
I was like, oh, I don't ever think I've acknowledged that anti-Semitism is a thing still.
Because I think we see it like, no, you're right.
It's not like that for a sizable percentage of human beings.
Not a majority, but enough that it's significant.
And also in the West, like you often see Jews and you're like, oh, they're doing well.
They're making money.
They'll be all right.
It's like you guys are like, well, you guys are doing well, but it's like, it's like, yeah, we go through racism too, but we're also struggling.
You know what I mean?
Like, so I don't think there is the same sympathy or empathy given to Jews.
Like death care in the West is like, they'll call out anti-Semitism before it's like, oh, they own the banks or whatever.
You're like, give me that.
How do I get that oppressed?
So I understand that.
Right.
And then you look at the Palestinian side.
And I can also see how unbelievably isolated they isolating it is for them, where the only time they're ever talked about and their plight is ever discussed is when they're the terrorist.
Yeah.
So imagine how infuriating that is, where every single day you're living, I guess, in an open-air prison in Gaza.
Every single day, there's an occupation.
This is not the first time buildings have been bombed.
This is not the first time there have been Palestinians killed.
Nobody's talking about it.
Now they're talking about, and they're talking about you guys as terrorists.
And rightfully, Hamas, absolutely terrorist, disgusting act.
Nothing justifies it.
Nothing that happened before justify what happened to those innocent people in Israel.
Okay.
And an Israeli kid that's eight years old doesn't know what the fucking word occupation even means.
There's no way you can justify the murdering of them.
But I can understand why these Palestinians are like, the only time the media in the West ever talks about us is when we're terrorists.
And what about our innocent people who got killed?
What about our innocent people?
You don't ever mention that.
What about our innocent kids?
Yeah.
You know, what about what we go through on an everyday basis?
Why are do we not have humanitarian concerns for us at all?
Where the fuck is it?
Where's the attention?
Where's the concern?
It feels like nobody cares about you.
That same feeling that the Jews felt on October 7th.
Nobody cares about us.
They're feeling that nobody cares about us.
And then when something does happen, when Hamas does this disgusting act of terror, not only does nobody care about us, now we're going to label you all as terrorists.
Now, not only are we not victims, you've stripped our victimhood, we're the oppressors.
Yeah.
While we're being oppressed, we're getting pushed off our land.
And then one action makes us oppressors and terrorists.
This has been going on for decades.
You guys haven't done anything.
And when I saw this, and I'm talking to my Palestinian friends, I'm talking to my Jewish friends.
I've realized there's this like gigantic chasm that exists with this issue.
First of all, the casuals, the people who are not involved in it, right?
Let's say the us, we're still trying to figure out what the history of this is for the last 70.
Average person doesn't even know that they hear these buzzwords, settlements.
I'm the average person.
Occupation, they don't get along.
They can't have a two-stage life.
Yeah.
That's literally what it is, right?
And then the people that are involved, every one of them has a cousin who died, a brother who died, a family member who has fucking died.
So they are locked in, right?
And I see this chasm.
I'm like, I have to understand like what both sides are feeling, but most importantly, like what they're feeling about specific things.
And the distance between both sides is so far you would think there are two different conflicts.
Like if you speak to an Israeli or a Jew about this and you speak to a Palestinian, you'd be like, there's no way you guys are speaking about the same company.
If you open your social media, it looks like two different.
Because, like, for example, there's the word that you see thrown around all the time, Zionism, Zionism, this idea, this concept that there should be a Jewish state, right?
Zionists is used as a pejorative.
If you're Palestinian, calling someone a Zionist, that is a negative word.
Like, you say, are you a Zionist, right?
If you ask a Jewish person if they're a Zionist, they're just interpreting that as, do I believe that Israel should exist?
Well, yeah, of course, I believe Israel should exist.
But what does the state of Israel mean to a Palestinian?
It means you're pushing me off my land.
You're going to keep taking away my race.
It stands for the oppressionists for the occupation, right?
It's like, it's like asking, it's like, I'm a patriot.
I love America.
A Native American has a different interpretation of my patriotism.
My patriotism represents the eradication of their people and the removal of them from their land.
So if a Native American asks me, are you a patriot?
I go, hell yeah, I fucking love America.
They're like, how could you love America?
You're a terrorist to them.
Exactly.
As a black man, if I hear make America great again, I was like, wait, how far back?
You know, what are you talking about?
Literally that, 100%.
And to them, a lot of them, it means, hey, we used to have manufacturing jobs.
My parents used to have a job.
That's the America I'm thinking about when I think make America great again.
I'm not thinking about you guys being subjugated, but obviously it's all y'all are.
But how could you not think about it?
Yeah, exactly.
So it's even the support the troops thing, Mark.
Like, break down that example that you had about the, like, as an American, we're like, yeah, we support our troops.
What does that mean to the places that our troops are?
Yeah, that's away at.
Yeah, bomb the wedding that my uncle was at.
All right.
Those are the troops you support.
And you're like, well, that's not what I thought.
You asked me to support the troops.
I support the troops.
Speakers are risking their own brother-in-law that's in the Navy.
Yeah, I support him.
Yeah.
So the words that are a sense of pride for one side are the source of oppression for another.
How can they even begin to have a conversation about what's going on if they can't even agree on the definition of a word and both of them are understandably right about it?
Right?
So so far apart, once I'm seeing like how far this chasm is, I'm like, what else is going on here?
And I'm like, okay, the problem it seems like everybody's talking about currently right now is Hamas.
How do we get Hamas out of Gaza?
Because if we could get Hamas out of Gaza, then Gaza could live free and everything would be good.
It's Hamas, this terrorist organization that's subjugating their people.
And every Palestinian I've ever spoken to is like, yes, Hamas is horrible, horrible, disgusting, absolutely disgusting what they did.
And that terror technique is discussing what they've done before and it's discussing how they've oppressed us within Gaza, right?
Every single person I've ever spoken to, just like every single Jew I've ever spoken to is like, yeah, we want a two-state solution.
We want them to be able to live free.
We want to be able to live free.
We don't want this at all.
Every single Jewish person I've spoken to is like, we don't even want the settlements.
Why are we keeping do the settlements?
You're just aggravating this fucking situation.
These people on both sides.
Just don't like the Israeli government either.
Bro, there was huge fucking, like, there was like riots and there was these huge protests in Israel before up to for the like six months up to October 6th about how divided the country was about, you know.
I went to Israel with Weezy and almost everyone we spoke to, like and younger kids around our age, it's like all don't like the government anymore.
Exactly.
Exactly.
I think it's probably no different for like American intervention strategies where it's like, I don't think that's representative of American sentiment.
I don't think if you ask the average American, I'm like, yeah, we should fucking be in Afghanistan for 25 years.
That's what we need.
We'd be like, no, we're like so far removed from it.
But if you're in Afghanistan, if you're a person from Afghanistan, if you're Afghani, if you're an Afghan, you're like, how could I separate you from your government?
How can I?
Like, it's your government that's doing this to me and you vote them in, right?
Isn't it a democracy?
Yeah, you just claim ignorance.
Fuck you.
You're taking my rights.
You're killing my family members and you're somehow removing that.
No, fuck you.
You vote these people in.
And then, I mean, and there's this guy, Bassam Youssef, that was on Piers Morgan.
He had this interview and he brought up an interesting point.
He's like, people bring up this thing about Hamas all the time.
Hamas is the issue.
And he goes, there's no Hamas in the West Bank.
And Israel continues to occupy.
There's an apartheid state and they continue to expand these settlements.
You can't tell me.
He's basically saying, what is the excuse for that?
Like, why isn't there this dream-like scenario over in the West Bank if there's no Hamas, if Hamas is the only issue?
And I understand that frustration as well.
I understand that frustration for the Palestinian people who are like, hey, yeah, let's agree.
Let's get Hamas out of here.
But where is the good faith?
Show us the good faith that it will be different.
How can I believe, if you're Palestinian right now, you're like, how can I believe it's going to be a different scenario than the West Bank if we have the scenario without Hamas and there's still people that are living and struggling under the occupation?
I get that frustration.
Israel needs to show that proof that with this scenario without Hamas, is it better?
Of course.
But are they still living?
Is it still occupied?
Is it still an apartheid state?
Yeah.
They need to prove that.
Tragedy and Burden of Proof00:04:53
They're the ones in control.
They're the ones in charge.
I think it's their burden of proof.
Don't you think?
Yeah.
But yeah, I don't think we're here necessarily to offer a solution, but just to empathize with both sides that are the biggest thing that's lacking across the board.
I think if both, and not geopolitically, but person to person, if both sides just acknowledge, yeah, man, what happened to you is fucked up.
I think they would be way more receptive to hearing the other side.
If Palestinians are like, hey, man, I understand a lot of people are anti-Semitic and that probably sucks.
And historically, you have been oppressed.
That sucks.
Then I think Israelis would be like, yeah, also what's been happening to you guys doesn't justify the terror attack, but you were oppressed for decades, you know, in your own homeland and that's fucked.
I think, yeah.
And it's just so hard, I imagine, for both sides to even begin to offer the olive branch when you feel like you're being stepped on.
You know, it's like, yeah, it's just, it's, look, again, like you said, we're not here to offer a solution, but we are here to offer that observation that there is this gigantic chasm between both sides and even how they're interpreting the same, not only events, but reaction to those events.
You know, like I, I can, I can, can't even imagine the frustration you must feel if you're Palestinian and there's not a peep about anything you're going through until your side commits an act of terror.
And I cannot even imagine the frustration of Jews that innocent Jews, a thousand of them are fucking murdered and there are people in the streets seemingly like supportive of it.
Really chanting some crazy things.
Fuck.
Yeah.
And we're not even bringing in like the geopolitical chess moves that are being made outside of their situation.
How this is really a proxy in a lot of ways for what other countries are trying to either stop or how other countries are trying to bring attention away from certain things.
Like Russia has everything to gain from America putting money into this struggle, from America bringing warships into this struggle.
You know, what happens if we start pulling money away from Ukraine and that support?
And Russia takes that immediately.
So if I'm Russia, I want to bolster this as much as I possibly can.
Fan that flame.
If you're Iran, Iran, Saudi Arabia and Israel were about to sign a deal that they're going to be friends publicly.
First time, I think, in history.
If I'm Iran, I'm like, I can't let that happen.
I got to do something right here.
I have to support something that's going to make Israel behave in a way that's going to make Saudi Arabia not able publicly to sign some sort of agreement or accords with them because they have to save face.
It's, yeah.
And like most wars, rich and powerful people will probably benefit and poor innocent people will probably suffer.
Yeah.
It is just anyway, it's super tragic.
And I know a lot of people were asking us to talk about it.
I'm sure that we'll continue to.
I mean, but I think it was important for us to like take a moment and really digest what was going on so we could be thoughtful about it.
You know, a lot of people reach out.
Hey, you need to talk about Palestine.
You need to talk about Israel.
You need to show your support.
You need to show your support.
And it's like, what they're really saying is, you need to echo my feelings.
And that's not what we have to do.
Right.
We have to look at this, digest it, and talk about it in a way that we feel represents our feelings on it and is most honest.
Yeah.
I think the thing we can all agree on is that what's happening over there is tragic.
Yeah.
Like the killing of innocent people is horrible.
This is.
Yeah.
On both sides.
No justification for it.
Yeah.
And if we miss something, don't kill us.
You know, we just want peace.
Yeah, 100%.
And hopefully that, yeah, hopefully that will be shit, man.
At this point, I'm like, yo, just ceasefires.
Please, please.
Please.
Yeah, it's so tricky.
So, yeah, hopefully, you know, hopefully we get that and then we get, you know, some sort of pause on this.
It feels like that's the only thing that's been happening over the last 70 years.
It's just pause, pause, pause.
And, but, yeah, at a certain point in time, at a certain, yeah, at a certain point of time, something needs to, something needs to happen.
I don't know what that is.
I don't even know how you begin to solve a situation like this.
Yes.
I don't think we're going to solve it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, guys, that's going to be the end of the episode.
Thank you guys so much for tuning in.
We appreciate you guys.
And yeah, hopefully we get some resolution soon.
Hopefully we get some peace soon.
And bare minimum, hopefully we get ceasefire soon.
So all these innocent people's lives cannot be taken away.