Sam Jay clarifies dating rumors and recounts a tumultuous marriage involving police intervention before moving to New York for SNL. He critiques societal conditioning where men feel pressured to provide while women tie self-worth to partners, arguing true equality requires mutual emotional fulfillment rather than just financial sharing. Jay reflects on Atlanta as a sanctuary for Black gay culture that fostered authentic expression, contrasting it with assimilationist pressures elsewhere, before noting that urban decline is ultimately driven by class dynamics rather than race alone. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Star of the New Movie00:14:29
What's up everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant.
And today we're joined by genuinely one of my favorite comics that's working right now.
Star, star of the new movie, you people.
Star.
Star of the new movie, you people, carries the movie.
All right, this is what we do.
This is the picture.
Come on, man.
We got Sam Jay.
Sam's about to take over for Andrew Tate.
Oh, shit.
Yo, Sam's.
Yo, you were talking before the pod.
We were about to get some real Tate-ism.
Andrea Taylor.
This is real.
Remember?
You're like, I'm not letting my girl drive my Bugatti.
You were saying stuff like, yeah.
Why are you saying that?
That's weird.
I absolutely said nothing like that, guys.
I was on Jennifer Hudson today, okay?
Yeah.
You got a lot to lose now.
Yeah, man.
She's like, let me hit the weed.
I'm going to do something corporate earlier because you hit the weed the second you walked in the studio.
You need to adjust.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Hollywood ranting and raving about you.
Would you.
This is real.
It's real.
Scoops.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I was talking to Hollywood earlier today.
Hollywood was ranting and raving.
Mr. Hollywood.
But what we need to know is with this newfound super stardom, you know what I mean?
Like, like, you know, how are you managing the expectations of wifey?
You know what I mean?
Nah, you know, I went through like, I went through like, I went through my like cheating phase and like bullshit.
I did.
And we like, we went through that.
Like, we'll just dive right in.
We went through that.
It's funny that it was a phase.
It was a phase, right?
It was a phase.
Yeah, yeah.
I think it was a phase.
How long ago?
Because I'm on the other side of it.
So I can look at it very objectively and go like, you.
You faithful now?
Yes, fully.
Oh, God.
Hey, hey, hey, black women don't cheat.
You know what I mean?
Black women don't cheat.
No, no.
Seriously, like, I'm like, I'm past it.
You know what I mean?
And like, so I guess even with like all this, because yeah, there's been some new attention.
Like, like, just immediately.
And I don't know if it's like, I don't want to say it's like, oh, people saw the movie.
I just think I'm like, I'm walking around with big dick energy right now.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm walking around.
I'm walking around with a lot of stuff.
Sam Benfly.
Sam Benfly.
I'm walking around with a little swagger, though.
Like, my energy, my auras just coming off.
Yeah, yeah.
You can kind of feel when your shit's like transitioning.
And I'm like, yeah, no, this shit is transitioning.
Can you?
So I'm giving a little bit of that energy to it.
So definitely it's been like, it was crazy.
Like I was coming up the cellar though.
She's going to be so pissed.
I'll tell a story.
We were just at the cellar and I came out.
And we good.
It's my titty.
And I came out and I was holding her hand and this girl walked up, like got that in my face, looked at her, then was like, hey, what bar are you going to next?
Oh, wow.
I was like, this is fucking crazy.
And I was like, I'm going home.
See, you a square now?
I was like, I'm going home.
What is happening here?
You look at your girl, you're like, you see, babe?
Yeah, you see here.
It was a phase.
I'm like, damn, but now it's like for real.
Like, I don't even be looking at bitches, bro.
Wait, I don't know if I, I don't know if I believe.
No, no, no.
Same.
Same, same, same.
Like, I don't even register because there's no point.
What's the point?
Fucking is good.
What's the point?
Yeah, yeah.
You done that.
So I'm not going to cheat.
I'm not going to do it.
So I was like, I don't even need to register this person.
Like, they just be like blurs.
It's just like, all right, lady.
But do you ever look in the DMs like that even Instagram keeps from?
I look now.
I'll go in the DMs.
You gotta know.
But the DM DMs, the ones that Instagram's like, try to be faithful.
This is what I will do.
Yeah, Mark Zuckerberg's like going beat.
The second one.
The second one is in the DM.
I go in the second one.
I'll go and I'll like, I'll bust the profile open because I want to know what I'm attracting.
Oh, bust the profile.
Profile wide open.
Yeah, like that.
Because I want to know how the caliber is shifting.
Yeah, where's Sam at now?
I want to know.
You know, you want to marry them.
And has it?
He can't shift it.
He just went from I don't look at women to I look at girls.
Everybody the bit of shit.
Profile.
Just busting up.
I throw it up.
In the streets.
I mean in the streets.
I mean as I'm moving throughout my day.
Like there was a time moving throughout my day.
I'm like, damn.
Damn.
And now I'm just like, for what?
But when you're just at home, you're just taking shit or something like that and you're on Instagram.
I want to know who's why.
What I'm getting.
You want to know how lucky your girl is.
Yeah, yeah.
Now, would you share?
Like, if you got a crazy DM, would you be like, babe, look where I'm at?
Like, I tried and she got mad.
I did try.
That seems like a bad idea.
What do you mean?
I was just like, it seems like a bad idea.
That seems like a kid's been through it.
Yeah, no, no.
I tried to get through that.
Nobody's DMing me, but that seems like a bad idea.
Hey, your girl's coming up in the world.
The bitches is getting better.
Like, give me some problems.
Like, give me some problems.
You'll be proud of me.
Yeah.
Like, give me some problem.
Give me a high five.
Like, just be my homie right now.
Yeah.
It did.
It didn't work out that way.
What did she say?
Did she try to DM me?
She said, I'll beat the fuck out of you and that bitch.
Walk out the fucking door.
My girl, she acts like she can fight, but I don't believe that she can.
Yeah, I don't believe she can.
She always says she'll beat somebody up, but I don't think so.
Has she ever tried to square up on you?
Yeah, of course.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't believe in all that, like, uh, you should never get hit in a relationship.
I'm like, I don't know what kind of relationships y'all be in, but I be cheating.
So shit's gonna happen.
It's the new tape.
Oh, God.
It's the new girl.
Kissing the man is a savior right now, bro.
But like, shit's gonna happen.
You know what I mean?
Like, yes, she's definitely, yes.
I definitely pushed her to the limits.
Yeah, yeah.
Now, I remember you telling me some fucking story.
I think when we were in LA, you were telling me some shit about when you got caught or her catching you.
Oh, good lord.
Is that private information?
Yes, nigga.
Is this some friends being family?
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
But also tell it.
Since this is all behind me as a person.
Exactly.
I mean, yeah, I've been caught before.
I don't, I always end up just telling on myself.
Like, once the pressure's on, I'm like, man, yeah.
You know, I crumble really quickly.
But like, she's good at lying.
Like, she'll be like, I already know.
I know what you did.
And I'm like, oh, man.
She's like an interrogation.
Yeah.
I'm just like, we got evidence on it.
Good kid.
And then I'm like, I don't know.
And it's like, I don't know what she really does know and what she doesn't know.
And I don't, the more you go fishing, the more you're like, and then she's good at being like elusive enough where I'm like, she might.
And then I'm just like, man, I can't live like this.
So I was like, yo, I did the bad thing.
And have you ever admitted to the bad thing and then she thought it was some other shit?
If she did, she played it all.
I don't know.
She's still holding those cards if that's the case.
Oh, so just in case.
You got to get an attorney.
You got to get a lawyer or something.
Like, you need representation.
Like, you can't be snitching on yourself all the time.
That's why I'm out the game.
Done, bro.
How long have y'all been together?
We've been dating off and off for 15 years.
Wow.
So, how long have you been?
Yeah, how was lean?
How was the phase?
I mean, we went through a whole thing like that.
It's not super secret.
Like, I talked about it on pause.
Like, we went through a whole thing and we went through an actual breakup and stuff like that.
The summer, I was doing a movie, really, like, right around that time.
And it's been like a year.
So, you've been together 15 years and you've been faced with one of them?
Like a year.
That's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
That's like 7%.
7%.
The rest of her life.
So, also, you got to be.
Yo, who's seen this one?
That's crazy.
Also, also, that's a long phase.
But slow down, Pimpstick.
Like, I'm not like, show the fuck out.
One, this is 15 years off and on.
Like, we're American.
We're not Indian.
We don't just lock up.
10 years old.
Comparison to raise.
We just stay together, my niggas.
Like, we were dating off and on this 15 years.
It was a consistent 15.
Hey, why are you making a racial?
I'm just doing math.
That's all.
If it's one time a year, that's only 15 times.
No, no, no.
I've only cheated twice.
Thank you.
See?
You've only cheated twice.
You need an attorney.
I'll represent you.
I'll represent you.
I wasn't just out here like going crazy.
I'll see you a great actor.
You're a fucking great actor.
We have the evidence on you.
We know.
We know what you did.
Wow.
We know what you did.
So you waited 14 years to cheat.
Like, we would have to do that.
Dow doesn't respect you the other day.
So I was like, I'll break it down to y'all.
Y'all really must know you want the fucking details.
We were together.
You didn't know this a gossip podcast?
We broke up.
We broke up.
And then we got back together.
So when I met her, okay, so first of all, I have a problem with cheating, period.
So when I met her, I was with somebody.
So I cheated with her on the person that I was with.
She can give you one.
No, she can give you one.
That doesn't count towards the record, though.
So then I immediately left that person.
Like, had sex with my girl.
And the next day, I was like, yeah, we can't be together anymore.
Cause I knew I wanted to keep having sex with my girl.
I was like, it was that fire.
I was like, I'm coming back a bunch of times over here.
So I need to like...
How did you break up with your old girl?
I just came home like, hey, yeah, this ain't working.
You know what I'm saying?
But now she knows, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She should.
Yeah, she was just like, no, she understands.
She was pissed.
But then I got with my girl.
Then.
Wait till she sees this.
We were together.
Fox trash.
We were together.
And then my girl.
I'm just saying.
That's what you said.
That's not what I said.
You just, I just found some better box.
That's all I say.
Hers was trash.
But you just found that like a more elite.
This got better.
It just got better.
It does get better.
That's what they say.
So then we got me and my girl together.
Then she claimed she didn't check on me, but she cheated on me.
We broke up.
Oh, wow.
I got back with the girl I was with before that.
You went back to the old bumps?
Well, I went back to the old box because I was down bad.
Then this poor girl, bro.
No, and I always feel bad because she was a very good person.
I've always felt really bad about that.
Junior Lamar.
White girl?
No, black girl.
I've never dated a white girl.
G's up.
Oh, shit.
Now we, hey, now we're connecting.
Al quiet over there.
Then we got back together again.
Come on, Green.
Stay right here, motherfucker.
But we got back together and shit.
So we broke up, right?
She cheated.
We broke up.
I got back with the other girl.
Really, really, do I still like love my girl?
Me and the other girl just not working out.
Get bad with my girl.
She does some foul shit again.
Whoa.
Whoa, Sam, you're the victim here.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Does some foul shit again?
We go through it, but we were just young and going through it.
It's whatever.
Then I got married, dog.
I married a whole other person.
You got married?
Yes, I married a whole nother person because I was like, I really let my guy.
I hit her up and I was like, Do you want to be with me?
Do you want to run the streets?
And she was like, I'm having fun.
And I was like, all right, then I got to kind of like get you out of my life because I'm always like kind of on this, you know.
You know, lesbians really do be moving in with each other after one day.
So I was like, I just got it.
If you don't want to be with me like that, I'm talking about my old girl.
I was like, if this is not really going to happen, then I got to like go.
And then process that I met the woman I married.
The day I got married, my girl called me from a block number, like, what the fuck are you doing?
Like, you know, we're supposed to be, you're, you're bugging.
Like, divorce this bitch.
And honestly, when she on the phone, I was like, this marriage isn't going to fucking work.
She's going to just, she's going to destroy this.
Was all your family there and shit?
Because I had blocked her.
So she couldn't get contact me.
So she called me from another number.
Wow.
That's crazy.
From the payphone.
That's ominous.
So after that, I was like, damn, that's crazy.
Then I got comics to watch.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Don't bring up comics to watch.
Don't bring up Byron Bowers.
Your ex called you on your wedding.
I'm the craziest thing ever.
You're about to get married.
And this girl calls you and says, don't do that shit.
By your shit.
I had to Byron Bowers.
I just said I do.
And I was like back in my room changing.
No.
Was your family there?
Like, was everyone there?
No, it was very small.
We went to like Provincetown.
It was like a couple of my cousins.
It was like a small thing.
Right.
You didn't believe in this from the beginning.
It was a bringer show.
Not inviting your family.
There's 20 people there.
It's like an open mic wedding.
You don't need to be at this one.
It was super small.
And yeah, she called me and she was just kind of like, what are you doing?
Like, you know, this isn't going to last.
What happens when you hear voices?
I'm like, my heart stops.
I'm like, oh, no.
Like, she's back, you know?
Like, because I know, like, I'm like, so in love with her.
I know.
I know.
This is why I like blocked her from everything.
She should have busted in the church.
Been like, oh, I object.
That would have been fired.
I was like, oh, whatever.
But she, so then after that, I got comics to watch.
And she happened to be here because she was working at the Victoria Secret Fashion Show.
So she was like, yo, I want to see you.
We need to have a conversation.
Like, we need to sit down face to face and have a conversation.
That's love too because she could be trying to get after them Victoria's Secret miles, but she wanted you guys.
Voices and Blocked Exes00:03:34
So then I was, I mean, true.
You know what I mean?
She probably was doing a little both.
Maybe.
Damn, ass.
I'm waiting for you to wait for you.
She waited for you.
She waited for you.
Because back then, she waited for you.
They both good.
So y'all some toxic motherfuckers.
Golly.
So I told my wife.
Golly.
Golly.
So, aka love.
That's what I think.
But I told my wife that she was, I was trying to be like, really, like, hey, I don't want any shit.
She's going to be there.
I did not plan that.
This is circumstance.
Blah, blah, blah.
She was at dinner.
Like, she knew all about her.
Like, she, you know, this is an important person in my life.
Like, I do believe this requires some closure.
She was like, cool, I trust you, but this is a bad decision.
Wow.
I went, young Metro go.
I went.
I had the dinner, whatever.
And then after the dinner, I was like, damn, like, I love her.
You know what I mean?
Like, I kind of like, I was like, this is.
Was she gassing you up too?
She was just smelling good.
She smelled good.
She looked great.
She smelled good, but also she is my best friend for real.
So you guys were just chopping it up.
She knows me.
So she said real shit to me.
She was like, you're settling.
She was like, even if you're not with me, you've never been a person that settles.
What the fuck are you doing?
I was like, damn, I am.
That's gaslighting.
That's gaslighting, y'all.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
I am settled.
But it was true.
It was true.
I met this woman.
I married her quickly with like, I would say maybe nine months with knowing her.
It wasn't like she wasn't bad, like the way that I date.
And it was just like, in every way, I was shot the old X's.
Oh, yeah, exercise.
This is in every way.
It was just different.
She was dope in a thousand ways.
It was just very different.
And it was just like.
But I don't think it's a bad thing.
She was also running from something too.
It was two people kind of trying to distract themselves from some real shit.
Yeah, both of us were making like that type of submission because I was broke as fuck.
She made way more money than me.
She dated professional people usually.
I was like broke, dirty comic at this time.
So like she was settling in a million ways too.
So it wasn't one-sided by any means.
But after that shit, I kind of knew.
And then the marriage did not work out.
Partially, I think, because I was bringing that energy now.
I didn't cheat or anything, but I was just bringing that energy.
And then there was just some other problems that were just there.
And that were going to be there because we rushed into it.
It did take our time.
And we weren't like, there was just a million things that was going to go wrong.
And it ended up ending in some wild shit.
I talked about on my album.
She punched me in the face.
And then like the police had to come and all this shit.
And the next day, my girl, my fiancé, came to LA because she had took everything with the apartment.
I was just, all I had was a futon.
She took everything.
So my fiancé came to LA, like, just helped me deal with the court shit I had to do and just be there with me because I was just in alone in an apartment on a futon.
And then like two weeks from that happening, I got SNL and moved to New York.
Wow.
And then she came with me to New York and we've been together since.
And then the cheating started on my end.
You started seeing a new York baddies.
My end.
And I cheated twice within this five years.
Yeah, yeah, even though she was.
You're not a cheater.
You're someone who got cheated on and then just got even.
Yeah.
I mean, it's a wall.
Very different.
I was wrong and I have grown.
Embracing Vicarious Hate00:11:07
That's the right thing to do.
That's what you're supposed to say.
That's what you're supposed to say.
When we get off podcast, we're going to talk for real.
Yeah, yeah.
She can't hear it.
Yeah, that's, you've been institutionalized.
We've all been there.
Beautiful.
When you go lock it, that's Adlin.
You married the other one in nine months.
This one you've been with 15 years.
I think she proposed.
You propose, right?
Yeah, he's engaged.
She said that to my fiancé now.
Yeah, when's the wedding?
2024.
Fall or spring.
We're trying to get married and Martha's Jr.
So it's just unless they make a sequel to you people.
And I'll be busy.
Then I'll have work to do.
Push it back.
So that first wedding was just as fast as the one in you, people.
Oh, Sam.
Okay, so obviously great things happening from you people.
You know, marriage is in a, or almost marriage is in a very good place.
This is good things happening for you.
Yeah, I feel good.
Balance.
Do you feel good with things going so well, or is that a more difficult situation for you emotionally?
I wouldn't say it's more difficult, but I have been trying to, I'm a, oh, when's the other shoe going to drop?
Type of thing.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Like that like looms over me and I've been like really like working on that just like spiritually like letting go of fear.
That will fuck people up too.
Cause now you're so focused on the negative thing that could happen.
Yep.
So I've been just working on like, that was my New Year's resolutions.
I just want to be less fearful period of things.
Like, cause when good things happen to me, then I'm like, man, maybe I shouldn't get on any planes for a while.
You know what I mean?
It's like my brain just.
Am I pushing it?
Yeah.
Do I need to go to Miami?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like all of life, bro.
No, but it's true.
It's not like a guilt.
It's not like success makes you guilty in a way, but there is a version of it where it's like, should I be more grateful for this?
Am I pushing this too far?
Am I going too hard?
Also, sorry, but this is an industry where it's extreme highs and a lot of extreme lows.
So you're just kind of, we've all been through the extreme lows and the extreme highs.
We've all make taking that trip at least once.
So when you're at the extreme high, you're like, bro, is this shit coming around the corner and I don't see it?
Because last time I didn't see it.
So this time I need to see it.
That's for me at least.
That's interesting.
I feel like it's more like a relationship with... with like I'm not even religious, but like with God almost.
I'm like, am I acknowledging the blessings enough?
You have that fear too.
Hey, bro, like, hey, hey, this is awesome.
And I don't want you to think that I'm taking this shit for granted.
And if I do some wild stuff, like go skydiving for no fucking reason, I'm wondering if God's going like, oh, you want to play with this?
Oh, Icarus.
Exactly.
You're flying too close to the sun.
Exactly.
So, and then like, and it can like, yeah, weird, like, weirdly obsessive where you're just like, damn, like, you know, like, when I knew the movie was coming out in like two weeks, I'm like, oh, I just got to stay alive till Jay Rays when he says, please let me be good.
Cause so much crazy shit's happening all the time, you know?
Yeah.
So it was like, just trying to work on that, that fearfulness that just kind of naturally, like, that is the weird thing.
Like, some of that is healthy.
And like, crave success, you know, and want and crave like a creative outlet, but at the same time, have like a fear associated with it.
And you never have to worry about that shit until you actually get success.
You know what I mean?
Like, you think the success will be peaches and cream.
You're like, okay, I got it.
It's not liberating in a lot of ways.
And especially if you're used to fuck shit happening, that becomes your normal.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
And nobody is there to like help you through that.
Because how many other people have experienced the level of success?
And it all just sound like crazy to people.
It sounds super privileged.
Oh, it's so hard having a movie coming.
Yeah, it's like, chill out.
For real.
Yeah.
So I've just been trying to like really just, when that stuff like sparks up, I am, I do believe in God.
So I just try to just have that spiritual conversation of like, this isn't real.
You need to like chill.
Yeah.
You need to just embrace what's happening around you.
You know, just like talk like that.
I just have blessings.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just talk myself back from like the ledge of whatever that is.
I was thinking about, I was talking to Charlamagne about like the greatest public speakers ever.
And he was, he was, he brings up Bishop T.D. Jakes and like obviously Farrakhan.
I was saying Dave, like Chappelle just has like public speaking ability.
But I was wondering, if can we use religious folks as great as public speakers because they have the best bars ever?
Yeah, I think that I think.
But without, like, I need to see you talk on like real estate or some shit.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, you can't talk on God because God gave you the most fire things ever to say.
But like, Martin Luther King's like a religious person.
He's a preacher, but he's a dope public speaker.
But he wasn't talking about Christianity.
He wasn't, though.
He was talking about ruining white people's lives.
Right?
Like, it's ruining, ruining everything that we worked so hard for.
Ruining everything that you worked so hard for.
That's a dream?
No.
But do you consider actors worse if they have a fire script?
If the dialogue is amazing, the writer's genius doesn't make the acting worse.
Ooh, that's a great point.
So you almost have to treat it like acting, like the skill of delivery.
Also, there's a speech around the sermon.
It's not just the bars are the greatest bars, but it's not.
They don't just read those and then get off the stage.
They dissect one or two lines and then give you a whole sermon around them.
You also got to make the bars great.
Like it's the way they come into it and come out of it.
And it's all the stuff they build around it.
Yeah.
Like God is Clinton Miller and then the preacher is Drake.
Man, you got to hate on Drake all the time.
Why are you hating Drake?
I hate nonsense.
No, it's so.
Do you hate Drake?
No, I thought I was complimenting white.
I love Drake.
I thought I'm complimenting the preacher.
Why would he hate Drake?
Why would that be a compliment?
Because I'm just saying the preacher is great.
Hold on, work yourself out of this one.
I just said the preacher deserves credit because you don't just get the bars, you do everything around it.
But you are kind of taking a shot at Drake.
A small shot.
I didn't think it was worth stomping down the whole fucking thing.
I didn't think he was worth stomping down the pond.
You know what I mean?
This is a fact we all know, and I'm still making the light.
He fell off the balcony of the show.
That's why he's pissed.
Yeah, he was that guy.
It's all right, Akash.
You didn't go to his town and make fun of his baby mama.
So I think you'll be good.
I think you'll be good, bro.
Hey, good point.
Good point, son.
Drake has this.
It was a phase I was going through.
Yeah, it was a phase.
I was making fun of baby mama's phase in my life.
So I figured that out, bro.
Phase is the best ever.
Phases are crazy, though, because sometimes they just take hold of you and make you behave in a way you would never behave.
Phase was gaslighted you.
Yeah.
No, but yeah, I don't know why Akash has this animosity towards Drake.
That was an animosity.
That was a light-hearted shot.
But yours was mean.
You do say.
Your shot was mean.
I'm mean.
I hate on Drake, but I understand a lot.
He's a lot of people's greatest ever, and I can't argue with it.
But you don't like him.
Objectively, he's great.
I'm not a fan.
But I give him credit.
Objectively, he's great.
He just doesn't grab it.
Okay, let's have this here right here.
Why do you hate Drake?
Because you're talking to someone who loves Drake here.
I love Drake.
I don't love Drake because I like living vicariously through rappers.
And for me, Drake was never somebody that was like, oh, I want to do like DMX is somebody who's like, I can never live this life in a million lifetimes.
You know that you can be like emotionally connected to someone in Linefield.
But being DMX.
Heartbroken is my year one through 31.
You know what I mean?
This is not new to me.
That DMX.
That's a good argument.
That DMX shit is like, whoa, this guy's talking about shit that I've never been exposed to.
I could see a whole new world through this.
DMX is like the wire on record for me.
The wire on wax.
That's a fun argument.
That's my actual feeling.
And Drake, I was always like, I just, I don't, yeah.
When you say the thug shit, I don't buy it.
And when you say the heartbroken shit, it's like, buddy, I'll go listen to an RB album and cry myself to sleep, whatever, however I used to do it.
It's almost too relatable.
Yeah, I, I, you know, okay, good to know.
Okay, Sam's up on it.
I thought this was a good argument.
Sams up on it.
First of all, you haven't been through what Drake.
The type of heart rate Drake is talking about, you haven't experienced it.
Yeah, you don't know how big of a sucker I am.
No, it's not the sucking shit because he's also talking about being like a rich popping nigga and like trying to deal with these hoes and with what's going on and like all this.
Take a look.
You haven't been dealing with that for one to like whatever years you said.
Like, no, absolutely not.
And like, and on top of that.
I'm wearing sneakers that cost hundreds of dollars.
So high.
But I'm not going to pretend like that.
At least three.
So then Drake.
When Drake was talking that way, you were wearing sneakers that cost hundreds of dollars.
No, no, no.
That's my point.
Yeah, yeah.
So at that point in your life, you don't have Drake experiences at all.
But that wasn't romantic to me in the way that thug shit was romantic.
It was like, oh, that's, I'm heartbroken all the time.
That's whether you're a level of dealing with fame or whatever, these are problems that aren't as like fantastic, I guess, as like fantasy type.
It's like, oh, this motherfucker's in the streets doing dirt.
Well, I guess the how might relate to you.
I guess the hard line difference is like, I'm a real nigga and not a lame.
So I already knew them type niggas who do dirt in the streets and live.
Like, that's not vicarious to me.
Agreed.
I'm a lame.
That's not vicarious.
That's a number of kid.
Like, exactly.
Not a lame.
I didn't mean like a lame.
I'm high.
But like a.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Like, that was mean.
I think we could.
Yeah, no, I apologize.
That was just a high.
That was a high as shit.
But you know what?
I kind of liked it.
So let's own it.
The meaner, the better.
This is kind of fun.
Yeah.
I don't like therapy, Sam.
She therapize, bro.
Suburbs.
Suburbs.
Yeah, like a suburban.
Can't even say that.
She's so hood, she can't even say suburbs.
Suburban kid.
Like, I grew up around niggas Austin.
I know them and it was whatever.
So it didn't seem that vicarious.
But that life is too familiar for you.
Yeah, where Drake, I'm like, this nigga's turnt.
Like, he just, this is cool.
And Drake is a suburb kid who kind of plays ad hood shit.
And I'm like, well, that's a lot of kids I know.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, so there might just be the closeness of the.
And that doesn't, I'm truly not saying he's not incredibly talented, incredibly smart, incredibly charismatic.
But for me, it's like, I know less talented, charismatic, smart versions of you already.
Can we go?
Can we see us show the scene of the movie where you get to see Sam's stroke game?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, we're judging.
I knew this was going to come to this one day.
I was waiting for Twitter to do it, but all right, we'll do it here.
Okay, so there's a bachelor party.
We're all part of like Jonah Hill's friend group, right?
And right now, it's not even Vegas.
It's like Palm Springs or some shit.
Where we shot it, but we're supposed to be in Vegas for the purposes of a movie, I think.
The girls are in Vegas.
Oh, the girls?
The girls are in Palm Springs.
We're in.
Okay, so then we're in the hotel room before we go out partying, and there's just like a montage of us doing drugs and having fun.
Eating Boxes Backwards00:03:17
But there are a couple funny moments with blow-up dolls.
Let's just watch it and see what happens.
Yeah.
Sam, let's just watch it.
I don't know what exactly we can include on YouTube.
So some of this might get cut out or it might get silenced.
But you can always go watch the movie.
Where, though?
Maybe on Netflix.
You know what I mean?
No big deal, but like an absolutely smash fucking hit when it comes to the numbers.
This is the craziest cast I've seen in a comedy in years.
The cast is crazy.
Little Duval's in the background of this scene.
I mean, everybody's just unbelievable.
All right, you want to watch it?
Yeah.
Okay, Sam.
So what were you thinking in that?
What was the motivation?
Like, how do you prepare for a scene like that?
I think in every acting experience, there's a moment where your integrity is going to get tested.
You know what I mean?
Where they're going to be like, hey, do something really silly and uncomfortable.
And you got to be like, am I making this movie or am I not making this movie?
So I definitely didn't want to do it.
I definitely was like, this is stupid, bro.
So then it was like a decision had to be made in the moment.
Do I try to stroke for real?
That sounds crazy.
That sounds crazy.
Or do I just make it look crazy?
And I was like, and if you notice, I'm kind of...
That's my favorite part.
I'm kind of at the late.
I intentionally was not at the pussy.
I was like, we're not playing that game.
No, watch the video.
Watch.
She's not fucking the pussy.
She's fucking the lay.
I'm trying to maintain as much of my integrity as I can.
Ah, okay.
Not me.
I'm just boxed backwards, bro.
No, you're eating ass.
I was like, oh, boy.
That's the worst thing died.
You eating ass and you just get your dick just headbutted everybody.
That's a great way to say you're eating ass, though.
I'm eating box backwards.
I'm eating box backwards fire.
No, I wasn't fired.
I fell asleepy in box and woke up.
Acting choice.
No big deal.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, wow.
That was multiple.
Yeah, you see him in the corner still going for it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, yo, this is what's weird about those scenes is like, you're doing a scene, there's no direction, and you're seeing like the other acting folks, like the people who actually know how to act.
Going for it.
Hey, because they're like, I'm going to get, you know, noticed in this scene.
So you're like, okay, how can I be creative in this scene and do something that will stay?
But then it does start digging at you.
It's like, do I need to be seen in the scene without talking?
And there's just a doll.
You're there for probably how long you're doing.
Oh, we're there for the whole day.
So you're just the whole day to just think about it.
Yeah.
Eight seconds.
You feel like you don't want to try too hard.
It's not try too hard, but it's like, bro.
I don't want to look corny.
I don't want, you're still a comic.
You're like, this is corny, bro.
Your hair just fucking plastic dolls when they get it.
Like, we say funny things to live in that are smart.
That's good.
When you phrase it that way, when I watch it, I'm like, oh, this looks fun, but I can't even imagine the awkwardness in the room when it's quiet.
She's like, yeah, you're like, yo, what are we doing?
The worst is like, you're doing it.
It's not even your coverage.
The camera ain't even really on you.
It's like trying on you.
Like, do I really need to eat the pussy of a doll from behind?
Attracting Women Powerlessly00:15:10
From behind.
And like, you just see the back of my head.
Like, what am I doing with my life?
What I loved about this is like, you look like you got shoulder pads, huh?
Like, yeah.
Fucking that foot.
I mean, there were lines to this.
Oh, yeah, we had some lines.
We had some reactors.
Oh, we got the script.
No, we're not doing that.
We got the script.
We ain't got that script.
No, we're not doing that.
Why not?
Because if it was supposed to be in the movie, it would have been in the movie.
Wow.
I never seen Andrew not play before.
No, no, I played.
That was definitely.
For real, for real.
I mean, this made it in the movie.
This is a beautiful moment.
That's great.
I think this is one of the best scenes for the movie, in my opinion.
Yeah.
I stormed the Capitol.
Wow.
Guys.
Wow.
It's quite affected.
That was great.
That's what I did.
What did you think of his decisions there?
You're a good actor, so I'm curious.
What did you think of what he did?
I thought he pulled it off.
I thought for the situation that we were in.
For the situation that we were in.
She's an amazing actor.
That was believable.
That was great.
Objectively, great.
I thought that was great.
It was all like, he just had to make shit up.
It was just very cool that Kenya let you ad lib and a very smart choice to just play yourself.
I thought that was great.
Yeah, I thought that was awesome.
So when you went to January 6th, you were just like method acting, like trying to prepare for the role.
I was trying to get up in there, bro.
Oh, really?
I was trying to get up in there.
100%.
100%.
It was just preparation for the role.
I was chasing down Pelosi, bro.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I was chasing her down.
Did a little party want to go?
Hells, yeah.
Yeah, right?
Looks like there's a bunch of white people doing something.
Oh, no, not that.
Like, not that part.
I wanted to change the course of America.
Just to stop and steal.
Yeah.
No, in the same way that, like, I want to go to a Billy Joel concert.
I don't listen to Billy Joel, but people geek out over Billy Joel.
That's what I'm saying.
There's a bunch of white people that gathered, they're hype, and they're doing something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's like, some of your whiteness got to just want to see like what's they would have you trying to bring me into it on like some white shit.
Would you observe it?
Like would you go like curious binoculars just to see I didn't care because I was just like there's these white people over there acting while I didn't care but if a bunch of a bunch I mean I thought it was crazy but I didn't want I didn't care about going or what I didn't care.
If a bunch of black people were like, I was like, I want to see what these things are doing.
You know what I'm saying?
To be honest with you, if a bunch of black people did it, I would be as far from that place.
Yeah, no, I agree.
I agree.
Because if it's white people and I'm there, I might be like, let's go see what's going on.
We're going to live.
If it's black people storming the Capitol, I'm like, I want to live.
I'm not saying like storming this.
I'm not saying specifically.
I'm just saying a gathering of my kind in a mass of any, I would be like a little bit interested in.
Oh.
This is the interesting thing about whiteness is that there's so many white people.
You guys, you guys think we're all, we all identify as white.
Who's you guys?
Is that black?
Who's you?
You people.
Because I think this often happens, like, and it's unfair to black people, but they get, you guys have this like monolithic judgment, right?
It's like there is one way to be black.
There's one opinion set for being black.
And if you divert from that opinion, you probably had shifts with this before, where it's like you're being Sam J, not black person that's also Sam J.
And that can be like frustrating.
Whereas like white people, when you're the majority or whatever, it's like we chop ourselves up into these little groups.
So the white people that obviously don't care to go do that are like, oh, yeah, those are those types of white people.
But we don't go, oh yeah, that's our group that does it.
I get what you're saying.
Does that make sense?
It's just separate from it.
You don't even feel a relation because when white is like normalcy, if you will, you have to subdivide.
I get what you're saying.
You know what I mean?
So I think that like, yeah, I remember seeing, just thought it was like, like, I'll be honest, I want to see fucking, I want to go to them Trump rallies.
I did.
Like, I just, I think, like, these people are going crazy for this guy.
Crazy.
And I just want to see the energy.
Like, I've been trying to talk to fucking Dr. Umar for, I mean, we talk about this, but like, she was Dr. Umar for Halloween.
Oh, that's fire.
As a guy.
Last year.
Like, she was up on the earth.
But, like, this guy's, this guy's a communication genius.
And I'm like, how do I, I just want to talk to him.
I want to go to one of his, like, I just need to be in the environment and like experience it.
So yeah, that's what it comes down for me.
I mean, it helps that I agreed with what they did.
But in terms of like experience, I got to feel it.
I got to be in the room for it.
All right.
The school is opening up.
Did you hear that?
Say that?
He set a date for the school to finally open up.
It's opening up this year.
Talking about.
Oh, really?
That's what I'm talking about.
Like, anything.
I mean, it's going to open.
I hope so.
Donations hitting, bro.
I hope so.
I want him on the pod so bad.
Have you met him?
No.
I would love to meet him, but I don't think he would approve of me.
Why?
Wait, what?
Gay.
Is that a thing?
I'm breaking the number one hotel rule.
Wait, what is the number?
It's sexuality.
That's the big deal.
That's right.
He would tell me I'm confused and lost.
Would you be like that too?
And I need a black man.
Oh, damn.
Yeah.
And you've dated dudes before.
Is it harder to get a dude or a girl?
It's not hard to get dudes.
Yeah, that's kind of why.
It's not, everyone knows that.
Yeah.
Except dudes.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No, it's not hard to get dudes.
I mean, like, there are levels of dudes in the track.
Like, we can get into that.
That's that, but just like getting dick isn't hard to do.
Yeah.
What do you think about like when you see, I don't even know if you're like on YouTube with that kind of shit, but when you see like what's happening with in like the manosphere, these like tates and you see a lot of dudes like just frustrated with women.
Is there a part of you that like relates to it?
Like do you do you hear what they're saying?
You're like, yeah.
I don't know anything about as you can.
I was saying that out there.
I was like, I'm just not aware.
I just feel like Greta Thunberg went to jail and he's like a masochist from what I understand.
That misogynist.
Oh, okay.
I thought he was doing masochist stuff too.
I don't know.
Yeah, he was like slapping that girl around.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's right.
But I don't have like a real clear understanding of what it all, what it all is.
Right.
But there seems to be like this like frustration with, you know, in dating for men lately.
And I'm just curious, like, if you felt it ever, like dating women.
100%.
Like.
Yeah, it sucks.
Why?
Because women are like, women are just, I think each group, this is actually going to, I'll be in my special.
This is very funny that I'm talking about this.
This is a crux of what I'm talking about.
But I just think it's a perspective thing and you don't really get the other side if you don't have to experience the other side.
So when I was dating, then I just truly didn't understand how awful I was being until I became a man.
And then I was like, oh, I was making so many things crazy for no fucking reason.
Example.
Whoa.
And it was like, but it's also, it's also like a confidence thing too, right?
It's the way women are positioned in society that causes a lot of these issues because women, we are taught to attach ourselves to men, and that's where our value comes from.
Now, you can talk a lot.
Oh, no, that's not the case.
But at its core, it is the case.
It is the case.
And so, so much of you is reflected in the guy.
In the guy, he has so much power.
He has so much power to determine.
You lose all your status if you guys are.
Because you feel so, I didn't realize how powerless I was actually feeling in that position.
And you were probably acting out because you felt powerless.
Right.
And yes, and being smothering and being all these things because your definition is so in relation to him.
So if you leave me, I lose everything.
So I got to be on your ass so I don't lose everything.
Yes.
And that's why you said shoot.
Love to do that shit.
Fuck that shit.
Sam's a new Andrew Tate.
Yo, I'm Sam.
Okay, listen, listen.
This makes so much sense.
Because you've been to the other side.
You know what I mean?
You're like Blade.
Yeah.
The gay walk without the blanket.
It's funny.
Shay called me that.
Really, really?
Oh, that's funny.
That's so funny.
Okay, okay, okay.
So this is all.
Okay, so the jealousy, the smothering often comes from this idea that their identity is wrapped into who the guy is.
And maybe women don't even understand that.
No, they don't because it's just a natural thing, right?
Like, like.
So like this one, you got something on your notes.
Oh, like when I had a boyfriend, I was going to, I was doing my thing.
I was going to school and he was in college, but I felt such a need to like support him and make sure like his thing was good because it was like, as long as his thing's good, then our thing's good.
And then thus, my thing's good, right?
But in that, you lose your own self-identity and your own, like your own fight for your own life and autonomy, right?
And then it wasn't until I became like a masculine sinner lesbian that's out here dating women because now everything changes, right?
Now, and now there's different things I need to attract women, right?
Like as a woman to attract a man, all I got to do is show up.
I just got to show up and not be the ugliest bitch in the room.
And like something will come my way.
But once you're in a masculine position, it's like you have all these requirements.
You have to be able to protect somebody.
You have to be able to provide for somebody.
So by nature, you're going to be ambitious because getting the things is what gets you the pussy.
Yes.
The other way, it doesn't work that way.
You don't need women to have shit to be with them.
A bitch could be sleeping on another bitch's couch.
You'll still fuck her.
And if you love her, you'll just bring her into your home.
But bitches ain't out here picking up homeless niggas.
It don't go that way.
Yeah.
So that changes just, you get what I'm saying?
100%.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there's, there's almost like.
Whoa.
No, but it's like, whoa.
These reactions over here.
But to me, that is real.
Nah, you're great.
And I, if you haven't seen Sam stand up, it's amazing.
I've said this to you before.
I'll say it.
And she is female Patrice to me.
And if you know how much we love Patrice, that's lofty, lofty praise.
100%.
But I've said that to you.
I think we're fucking a bitch.
When you were dating, this was probably more femme or like, would he come home and you just dap him up?
No, I mean, I was, I didn't really have a sense of my masculine idea.
I've always been some level of this, but it was definitely way more feminine.
Definitely way more feminine.
Now, what you were saying before, like in terms of like incentive for success, you were like, dudes are incentivized to succeed and be ambitious because that's how you get the girl.
So as a girl, like my mom was very successful.
You know what I mean?
Like, is that you more unique that you find a woman that is incentivized for success that has nothing to do without attaining the dude?
See, so of course there's always going to be nuance to this, right?
Nothing is sweeping, nothing.
But I think it's also, right, a little bit of it is class too.
Because a certain class level, you need to, as a woman, you're trying to attract a certain type of man at a certain level, right?
So it's like, oh, I need to go get these things because it allows this type of person.
If I'm not this, then I can't date the guy who went to Ivy League or something like that.
Also, there might be another little bit of nuance where it's like.
If you are incredibly passionate about a thing, that passion drives you.
And then success comes with the passion.
Yes.
Where it's not, you're not going, I just need status.
You just love like my mom dance or whatever, but like you just love a specific thing.
Yes.
So have you felt that's to the passion of it?
100%.
And that's the main thing, right?
Like the main thing too is like a lot of times I think I find, I've always found like it's like when you're, when you're in a masculine, you have to identify all this stuff kind of earlier because you need it to do shit.
Like you got to.
You're saying as you're in your position.
Yeah, like you gotta, because you can't like.
You have to learn a new identity almost.
Yeah, and you can't like, you can't, I had to, yeah, because it's like, I'm used to going out and niggas buy me drinks.
I'm used to going, I could go out with no money, really, and still have a night.
And then I'm out here masculine and like bitches are like, what's up?
And I'm like, damn, I'm broke.
So now my mind is like, yo, I can't be a broke nigga.
I got to figure out what I'm going to do with my life.
Yo, there's no such thing because as a broke girl, I'm going to get fucked up.
Like, I'm not going to be able to get bitches.
I'm not going to be able to have.
Now I'm competing.
Now I'm in a race.
I'm watching other niggas money.
They're getting more.
They're getting their women are more attracted to them.
So it's like, oh, okay, I got to be able to play this game.
Wow.
I'm curious.
So knowing that, knowing that girls attach their identity to the guy that they're with, what can guys do to empower them so they're not as insecure?
I think it's about like understanding.
Like I talk to my homeboys about a lot of like each position has its power and you have to be respectful of that power.
And instead of being like, oh, like, bitch, you are annoying.
It's like you have to like, in some ways, reinforce for her why that isn't necessary.
Like if she's feeling confident enough in her position.
By reinforcing her position so that she doesn't feel like, I used to get frustrated with my girl, like blah, But now like I make sure just consciously to text her three or four times a day.
Like I just I put a number on it at least three or four times a day.
I'm just like, hey.
Hey, I'm still here.
How are you?
We're still here.
I'm thinking about you.
We're cool.
I'm thinking, I used to think that was so like annoying.
Like, why do you need that?
But when you really think about it, like, she's not, and I'm not saying this is everyone's position, but like when you know, especially that is your woman's position, you have to understand that.
Cause like she's not working, she's chilling at the crib.
She knows I'm all over the place doing all types of shit.
You're doing the cool shit.
She's not.
That's going to make her feel insecure.
Right.
And it's like you, if you love someone, there's just a responsibility that you have to like taking care of them.
And especially if you're coming from that masculine space and you know these things are going on.
So that's the mature way of looking at it.
I think a lot of times people go like, I'm not going to, I'm not going to move my position at all because I'm the masculine one.
I'm the lead.
I got to do whatever I have to do.
But the reality is, is giving a safe amount of security.
Now, some people are irrational in their insecurity and there's no way that you can satisfy it.
But making someone feel secure in their position is part of your job to have the best relationship with that person.
That is the leadership.
Yes.
It's like, yes, that's the leadership.
That's what it is.
That's right.
Maturity in Masculinity00:11:09
Like, that's what I'm saying.
Like in this last year, year and a half, where I'm like, I'm really like, fuck, I had to grow into that person.
Like, that's maturity.
You come to that level of maturity.
Like, oh, that is the leadership.
And then in that, she, it'll allow her to kind of springboard off of that energy.
You get the best version of her.
And then I get the best version of her rather than if I just basically, by my behavior, feed all those insecurities.
Right.
Because the more that she's grabbing for attention, you're pushing her away, which just makes her want even more attention.
So it's like, I just do it.
Even though I'm like, I don't always get why you need this, but it's fine.
That's a certain level of confidence also there because if you're an insecure dude or masculine, you're not going to want to move it all for your partner because you don't have the confidence to what could be perceived as like submit to some demands.
But the reality is you're just filling them with confidence.
That's interesting.
Yeah, Like some, yeah, you got to find out what your partner needs in order to operate at their best so that you guys can work.
Yes.
And what would you tell your homegirls that your man needs or their man needs?
Like shut up.
I realized like with at least in my own relationship, I it's appreciation for how hard it is to be the provider.
To do it all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
To keep it all going and the pressure, the pressure.
Like, I um I'm like giving you my hour right now.
I didn't realize until I became a man how much pressure it is.
Yeah.
You're just under, and men don't really get to discuss it because there is no space.
If they talk about it, it's like, well, what are you complaining about?
Or like, what's the big deal?
Even when I do this as like a set, like a stand-up thing on stage, there's always women in the audience.
Like, so what?
Yeah, yeah.
Until I really get into it, because I can come to it also from a feminine standpoint.
Also, they got to listen to you.
And then they're like, oh, shit, I've never thought about it.
But it's like the pressure to perform, to succeed, to maintain is like fucking incredibly high.
And if especially if you're successful, because women don't want to be downgraded.
I can't, I can't, I have to keep it here.
If it goes any lower than here, I'm a fucking failure.
She will look at me like I'm a fucking failure.
And that is a fact.
I fail.
So I have to at least stay at what I built.
And the pressure of that is insane.
It's like, that's why sometimes you see like a dude and he's just, he's like with a dusty bitch that wears Crocs and there's always bitches like, why is he with that dusty bitch?
Because he can maintain that.
He can maintain Crocs.
He can maintain Croc bitch.
He can get her as much Crocs as he needs to get her.
He can handle whatever this is because once you go there, you got to stay there.
And that's a daily pressure on top of you have to fucking protect this person.
Like on top of like their life, their life.
All this shit is on you.
And they get to just walk around.
You know what I mean?
And it's like, bro, like every once in a while, just say like, thank you.
Yep.
I need more than every once in a while.
I know real.
I just feel like that is so real.
That is a lot, dude.
It is true.
I need it every day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Affirmation.
Yeah.
And it's like, I think a lot of men need that.
They don't know how to ask.
I don't know how to ask you because we think it's weak to ask for it.
It's weak to ask.
But the reality is, is like, in the same way that they need that security that we're thinking about them, that provides them the confidence to know that, hey, we're together and you're not going anywhere.
Everything's good.
Yeah, we might need that appreciation to make us feel like all this things that we're working for isn't worth it.
Yes.
And I shouldn't cheat on you.
All you got to do is say thank you.
You don't get cheated on.
I mean, for real.
Like, well, you not like, no bullshit.
It's like, if you're not getting that filled up the way you need to, try to fill it up somewhere.
You're going to try to go somewhere else where you're getting affirmed.
Exactly.
And it's usually a new girl who's just trying to be on your dick.
And she's feeding the hole that's there.
She's feeding the ego.
It ain't even about sex at that point.
That's where I'm at with my fiancé now.
It's like, yo, I need you to do that.
Because it needs to get done.
I will turn back into a relationship, but you also have to.
You know what I'm saying?
So like, I like, I take all my sexual energy, I turn it into my relationship.
Like, I'm back to dirty texting my girl constantly.
Like, it's like, whatever this is, I'm going to turn this back into you.
But in that, I need you to tell me I'm the motherfucking shit and I'm the motherfucking man and I'm doing this shit on a level that's damn near impossible and you're you're grateful for it.
Yeah.
I need to feel that.
Talk that shit.
At least that's special.
For that equality to actually, because that's what it is.
Like equality isn't, oh, making the same money.
We both take care of both.
That's all so stupid.
Both of us feeling full in the relationship.
Yes.
It's like all that stiff is goofy.
It's both of us feeling full, like you're saying.
Like that's the true equality.
That's what we want.
The word is arbitrary, right?
You could call it equality.
You could call it respect, whatever the fuck it is.
But if both of us feel like we're fulfilled in a relationship, that's where we're going to act our best.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm curious.
What do you think of this term toxic masculinity?
I mean, I get it.
I get it because it is, there is things that you learn through masculinity that may not necessarily serve what is today.
But I think it's one-sided because there's also toxic femininity and then that doesn't get discussed.
Whereas there's things that you're learning, both things are not serving.
What's an example of toxic feminism?
Like you're in the kitchen too much.
It's like, like, like, even when I do some issue on stage, it's like, yeah, I'm independent.
I'm this, I'm that.
But yeah, he's supposed to pay the bills.
Right.
He's supposed to do that.
He has to be able.
And like I said, the pressure to have to be able to do that.
Like, like, to take, to, to take full responsibility for another grown up is a lot.
Yeah.
So it's a lot.
It's a lot.
And so this idea that like just because somebody's a man, they are to be capable to do that.
And thus I shouldn't have to really do anything to help that.
And if I do have to do stuff to help that, then you're a bitch and there's a problem there.
And it's like, well, that is not actually our partnership.
And partnerships could be stronger and better if you come in like, no, I am going to help match that.
And I am going to do whatever, you know what I'm saying?
So like.
Like with more, yeah, like with more honest dialogue.
Well, a lot of people don't even know what they really want.
That's the tricky thing.
But like if people are able to communicate what they actually want out of a relationship, then both parties would be happier because it's very little that you actually have to do.
Like the gratitude that you were talking about, like a dude just being like, listen, I'm working hard to maintain all this.
And I like doing it.
Don't get me wrong.
Like I'm, I'm doing what I love or I'm a provider.
I like being a provider.
Like that is part of my fucking identity.
That's fire.
But that little acknowledgement that you know that I'm fucking holding it down, like just that, that tip of the hat, like, yo, I'm with a guy who holds it down.
And not like, that's what you're supposed to be doing.
So I'm like, don't tell me what I'm supposed to be doing.
I'm doing this shit for you because I care.
The opposite happens once kids get introduced is that the girl will take care of the kids all day and the guy's never like, hey, thank you so much for taking care of our babies.
And it'll just be like, yeah, that's what you're supposed to do.
You take care of the kids.
And then she's like, I've been working all day.
And all we got to do is be like, yo, I'm so lucky.
Dope, handling it, and it's like that's the maturity, like now, like I thank my girl for like, making us such a lovely home yeah, i'm paying for it but without her it would be a shithole and it wouldn't fill me up and I wouldn't walk through my door and go oh, this is a sanctuary where I get to think and be.
I would just be on a leather couch like a loser.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, how did you get to this place?
I just grew up oh really yeah, I just grew up.
I just it's just life and growing up and really analyzing what the was happening, you know, especially like that last time that I cheated and it was just it exploded my whole life.
And then, like we were in couples therapy together and I just had to do some real thinking about, like what the i'm doing, you know yeah, and why i'm doing it, and what I want and what am I getting out of this relationship with what?
What is it doing for me and how do I nurture that?
And you know just yeah just, you've also probably had to reflect on these roles more than the average person, being that you came from the opposite yeah, so it's like you know what that person craves, and now you're learning how to satisfy what that person also craves.
So it's like a really unique experience.
Yeah, you're the perfect person to talk about.
Do you ever miss the old role like, are you ever like in protector masculine?
I don't want to give up your joke with that joke about your suitcases.
Yeah oh that, the oh, that's old one, that's the special that like I mean you.
I mean I don't want to make you tell you joke, but they were traveling.
Don't do this.
It's so funny though, like it's so good.
All right, go watch it.
The specials on Netflix, the fucking.
But it was just a perfect example of like yeah, you're gonna be in this masculine role, but there's still some that you don't want to do.
Like you know you don't have to take this girl's suitcases.
You know what I mean.
Like it's just, but it is true that's gonna present itself.
We're gonna want our, our creature comforts if you will.
Yes, for sure, yeah for sure, and it definitely want to go out and get a free drink every once in a while.
You know, like there's things I met and also just the like, the ability to just not have to do nothing.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yo yo, it's just relying.
Yeah, what you do is gravy, ain't that nice what you do as a bonus yeah, do you think y'all are gonna have kids?
Uh she, she goes back and forth, but I don't think so.
No, what do you want?
I don't care.
Interesting interesting, not at all.
If she really wanted to, i'd be like, all right well, it's not gonna happen on accident.
Yeah, it's such an intentional thing.
It's an intentional thing like, so I mean, if she really wanted to, I would be like, all right, we're well, we'll do it.
Is there part of you that wants that like parental experience?
Not really, i'm chilling.
If you did, do you think you'd rather have a son or a daughter?
A son wait, why?
I feel like a son.
I feel that is easier.
Yeah yeah, so many ways.
It's just easier.
If you had to do, you think you would adopt or would you try to get like a donor?
I think we definitely would do a donor.
Yeah, would you carry?
I was talking about you got to make money.
Yo yeah, maternity leave, I gotta make money.
Yeah no, I wouldn't want to.
You know what I mean.
But if she wanted to get really bad and she couldn't, you would and I could, I would because you provide.
Yeah yeah, That's how much of a provider I am.
Finding Peace After Insecurity00:14:56
She's pregnant for my bitch.
Bro, that would be interesting.
Try to pick a sperm.
No one ever talks about that.
You got to go through a whole file and pick sperm from like headshots.
That's right.
You're like a casting director.
You got to be like, all right, yeah.
Or you ask a friend.
You just get a friend if they want to throw down.
Another thing that's like that's toxic femininity is the value that women put and what we're taught to put in that position on our vaginas and our like sex.
If we're good at it, do we have good?
Like, I feel like women put that.
It's like, that's why you have to act like they pussy bomb, like for real.
Like, and you can't, and that's also why they can't handle like sexual rejection that which men don't get to talk about a lot.
Like, if you reject a woman's sex, like if you get to the point where you're just like, okay, it's fucking time.
And you're like, oh, actually, I don't want to do it.
Meltdown.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And absolute, like, what?
Because there's their whole like buildup is in like self-esteem.
I have this, and you're supposed to always want this no matter what, because that's my power.
And if you say no, then you're saying something is intrinsically wrong with me.
And I can't handle that.
I had a friend of mine, I'm not going to say his name, but like the first time he was with a girl who ended up like you dated, and that was a girlfriend for a while.
He was like real drunk and he couldn't get it up.
Right.
And he came to me and he's like, bro, I'm so embarrassed.
She's going to fucking hate me, whatever.
And I was like, buddy, she is having a way worse time right now than you.
She will not stop liking you because of this.
She's probably going to want to win you over even more because her identity is crushed that a guy wouldn't get up with her.
Yeah, and I'm going to end up dating.
But yes, it's like it is a thing.
Bro, that's a good hack.
You got to sell supplements.
Sell supplements that don't make you hard.
That's fire, actually.
No boulders are available in Hustle's University.
And just be like, oops, can't get it up.
Try again next time.
Oh, damn, bro.
That's a good idea.
We breaking hearts, Mark.
Yo, write that down.
Yeah, that is a fucked up.
Yeah, when you wrap so much of your identity in it, it's not like a choice that they do.
Yeah, but that's also why cheating is so hard for them.
They're like, oh, yeah.
So they can't even see that.
Like, yo, maybe there's something emotionally not happening here that I need.
Maybe it's pat, like, maybe it's past that and it's something else going on.
And I'm out here because of that reason.
I'm allowing this energy to come to me because of that reason.
And it has nothing to do with like your vagina not being good enough or me not wanting it.
It's that's yeah, most people aren't making it to the emotional reasons for this.
And it's like, yeah, it's, yo, that's the weirdest thing because dudes are so, when it comes to sex, it's just, we can be so callous, right?
It could just be like, yo, that's it.
Like, let's have sex.
It means nothing, whatever.
But cheating is emotional.
That's like, just fucking when you're single is fucking.
That's beats market.
Guys think it is.
They don't think it is, but it really is emotional.
So it's like, really, if you cheat, that's the softest thing.
Cheating is soft.
I've heard someone say is that when you cheat, you're not looking for a new person.
You're looking for like a new version of yourself.
Where you're like, you're that old version that you felt with her.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I don't look, I want a different person.
I want a different version of me.
And this person makes me feel like a different version.
It makes you feel like I'm the king.
And it's so weird because you hear this advice oftentimes to women, like, you got to make him feel like the king, blah, blah, blah.
And it's like, just using the term king, I think, might turn off a lot of women, right?
Because they go, oh, well, why do I have to make him think he rules?
He's in charge, whatever.
It's like, no, it's not about that.
It's about exactly.
It's the security that you need.
Yes, to keep going out here and doing this.
And that's that's the thing I think that like a lot of times like women don't get maybe enough credit for in relationships is like the emotional stability.
I know we talk about how like irrational women are in relationships, but that's the emotional stability.
They're understanding what is making this person the male relationship is feel feel like feel strong, feel confident, making understanding how far her behavior can push and pull.
And it's suddenly like I've noticed in my wife and I had that like that moment where you said about you know your wife creating the home.
I had that shit even like last night with my wife.
Like there was an opportunity for her to completely justifiably like give me back some shit about something.
Like I have fucked up.
And she chose to go about it a different way.
And I and I was like overwhelmed with this thing.
I was like, oh, wow, you're, you're maintaining this.
You're fucking maintaining the ecosystem.
That's a job.
That shit is.
That's a job.
An important one.
And if that isn't happening, it's just beef.
Yes.
And the whole thing can get crazy.
And it's necessary.
Like both things are very necessary and both things need to be affirmed.
So then how do we, how do we have conversations like we're having now about that with people that aren't only with a therapist?
Because I feel like the average person, the average like younger man or woman is not having a discussion like this.
They're not talking about like what they need almost like emotionally or biologically in a relationship.
They're watching rom-coms and going, well, that's that's what happened.
It's tough for dudes, especially if they're younger to even say I need anything.
What do you need, bro?
You feel so.
What the fuck do you need?
Go get it.
You need something.
Go get it.
Yes, go get it.
Exactly.
You need that.
But essentially, right?
That's what you do when you cheat.
You're like, I'm not turning into the relationship.
I'm going to go get it.
I'm not going to tell her.
I'm not going to be out here like, why would you pay attention to me, but I'm not doing that.
I'm turning outward.
I'm going to be self-reliant.
I'm going to go get what I need.
And that's toxic masculinity.
Yes.
That's that masculine urge to go get it.
For me, the hardest thing shit.
Yes.
For me, the hardest thing.
How do you be vulnerable, turn into the relationship, which I do now, and go, hey, I'm not being fulfilled emotionally in this position right now.
And I need that from you.
Because when you don't give me that, I'm hurt.
And then I go out here and I don't feel good about myself.
Yeah.
That shit is scary to do, bro.
Yo, it's so much easier.
And this is what we do.
And dudes, I know I do too, but it's like, we just, this is what you're doing wrong.
We leave with you're doing this wrong.
And that's why I feel this way.
Instead of leading with, hey, I feel unfulfilled or I feel like not cared about whatever.
It might not be your fault, but that's how I'm feeling.
Can you help me?
And just starting with that vulnerability, I know for a fact, especially like women who are way more understanding with that shit, they're not going, oh, fix it, pussy.
They're going, oh, fuck, man.
Damn.
I think it so much has been so much like scarier for her that I'm doing this now.
Cause she's like, oh, now I got to step up.
I got to step up to it.
Yeah.
It's like, no, now it's like, whoa, okay.
So emotionally, like you're like, because most of the time she was just thinking physically and it's like, oh, no, no.
No, it goes beyond that.
Yeah.
And I think all men are deeper than that.
Yeah.
And it's toxic on both sides.
It's not thought to be that way.
And it's like, no, it goes way deeper than that.
It's not about, I just wanted new pussy.
It was about I wasn't being made to feel good here.
Yeah.
And it's scary to admit, for me, the hardest thing about saying what I need is I might not get it, which sounds so logical, but if it's so hard for me to say what I need and then it's not met, it's like, bro, I don't matter at all.
You know how fucking hard this was for me to say this?
And then you said no?
A little hack, I think.
But it is like this thing where like, if you're gonna do this, everybody's gonna have to take some emotional risk.
Yeah.
And you got to be okay with that.
No, it's just what it is.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's not going to work without that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's, you're not always going to get exactly.
No, and you're not.
And sometimes you're going to get let down.
But also, if you're with a good woman and you bring up a shortcoming that you have, she's going to be like, oh, I completely understand.
I failed in providing for you emotionally.
Let me fix it.
I've never brought up something to my girl.
She was like, no, I'm not going to do that.
But I think, though, if you say, I'm feeling unfulfilled, that might, they might get insecure and read that as failure.
But if you say, I'm feeling insecure about this, then they look at you and they say, Oh, he's feeling insecure about this.
And if they love you, I want to feel that insecurity.
Whereas if you say, Hey, I'm feeling unfulfilled, they can hear you, but that scared part of them that feels like they're not good enough is like unfulfilled because I'm not good enough.
Fuck you.
Oh, yeah, you're not going to be able to do it.
Fuck you, you're not sure if that's on you.
And it's like, and I just, yeah.
And I'm just like, I've really just started being real about that.
Like, even when big shifts come, like this movie or whatever, like, my girl will just be like, how are you feeling?
And I'll be like, scared if I feel.
Yeah.
I'm like, I'm freaked out.
I don't know what this is going to be like.
I'm feeling a little uncertain about myself right now.
Like, whatever it is, I'm just trying to be like honest.
You know what I mean?
You feel me?
Like, hey, that's where I'm at.
You know, it's funny is like on stage, saying the thing that you feel in the moment.
Like, the honest, true thing you feel in the moment always resonates.
Like, it may not always be a laugh, but it's always there's interest and reaction.
And in life, that is harder.
But for some reason, on stage, just being like, just literally, somebody saying something, like, that was louder than I thought that was going to be.
There's, it's like this pure organic reaction, and the crowd recognizes it.
It's crazy we can't just take that and do it to the people that we, you know, it's probably funnier because people don't do it in life.
So you're like shocked by it.
Like, God, you're like, whoa, he's, yeah, yeah.
I guess that's why it's funny.
And then it's like, because it is novel.
And then there's like this new level, too, like, of like, you have to then fucking once you're in that space of it.
It's also like you got to respect where she is.
What do you mean by that?
Like, because she might not be where you are.
Like, just because I'm, just because now I'm like locked in in this way.
She's, yeah, she's not, she might not be as emotionally secure or even ready to share like that.
So you got to create a different expectation for her.
You can't just, and you have to recognize it's like fucking emotionally with like your grandpa.
Oh, motherfuckers working on it because like I look at it like, yo, I cheated.
So I also threw a thing in our situation.
I didn't.
She's going to have distrust.
So she's going to have distrust.
She's going to have this type of thing.
So sometimes she'll like spiral and like she'll accuse me of cheating.
And I know I'm not.
And I'll be like, no, I'm exactly where I told you I was.
And I used to get angry and be like, what the fuck's wrong?
But now I'm just like, hey, I'm sorry that I entered that into our relationship.
I know that I did something wrong, but I'm not cheating.
I love you.
And this is where I'm at.
And this is where I'm going.
And I'll text you when I get there.
And I just have to do like the extra shit to like make her feel safe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Even if it feels fucking annoying.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I think that toxic masculinity thing is always creating instability.
So you feel like you have some power, but that's just fucking unrest all the time.
I want peace.
And if you feel secure, the whole thing is peace because your peace dictates our piece.
Even a lot of the time.
Like, she was absolutely losing her mind a few days.
Like, literally, like, you are cheating.
I don't care.
And I was just like, hey, baby, no, I'm not.
And now I'm on my way to Love Low House.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm just like, I'm not even going to like, you can't.
You know what I mean?
You just got to like, and that's also a part of the leadership.
That's also crazy because you can't even take your phone out there.
It's like a perfect place to go to.
I'm going to the one place where I just can't look at my phone.
You can't take pictures or something.
Oh, yeah.
But it's like, you know, that, but tell you what you said for like, that's also a part of the leadership and the masculinity.
Like leadership is like, okay, I'm not going to jump down this rabbit hole with you and start screaming at you.
Yeah, just I get why you're where you are.
Yeah, I'm gonna be steadfast in where I am and give you some time to come over.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Whether you like it or not, you're my new therapist.
You know, straight up.
Yeah, because you understand the irrationality.
Like, my only hope is like watching a movie, and then like the girl character does something stupid.
Oh, and then I have to pass.
And then my girl's like, oh my gosh, this girl's so annoying.
Like, she's being so irrational.
Why would you say that?
Yeah.
And then I'm like, what is it about her behavior?
And I got to use the movie as a conduit to be like, that's what you fucking do.
You know what I mean?
It's so annoying.
I'm just going to call you up.
Oh, you put on her special.
Yeah.
I'm irrational for sure.
And it's like, I have, I'm like, and I've been, it's also too, like, I've been super honest.
Like, I'll be like, hey, like, when she started doing all this a couple days ago, I said, the movie came out and you're feeling insecure.
I understand that.
Yeah.
Like, a lot is changing.
A lot is feeling.
And I think what you're doing is you're projecting some of this onto me.
Yep.
And she was like, no, but I know.
But I knew, I know she heard me.
You know what I mean?
I know, even if she couldn't give me.
And that's the thing, too.
You got to give people time to react.
It's like you can't expect for you to say it.
And then they just go, it is.
Oh, you are right.
They got to like, yeah.
They're going to give you all the pushback.
Say you're an asshole.
They're saying everything in their head a little bit.
I have to get better at that.
I used to just be like, yo, I explained this so logically, you should get it now.
But the logic doesn't get over the frustration and anger they're feeling in that moment.
So you got to let that come down.
It took like a day.
And then the next day, we like sitting, I was like, okay, so like, are you ready to talk about what happened?
And reasonable for her to feel insecure?
Like, you're starting in a fucking movie, Letty Mercury.
You got a sailor holding hands, another bitch coming up to you here.
You're humping, you know, mannequins all the time.
Yeah.
Like, the girl came crazy.
The dam's looking packed.
Like, it's nuts.
Like, no, it is.
It's not unreasonable.
It's just like being like real about all that shit.
I just have found it's been better.
That's even one of those things where it's like, now that you know when these big moments are happening, you almost need to hit it up first.
You know what I mean?
You're talking to her first, your preemptive strike.
You're going, hey, listen, you're all, thank you.
It's awesome to be here and share these things with you.
And like, these things can't happen.
So now she's full of confidence.
So when that insecurity comes, she's like, okay, no, no, no, we're good.
We're good, yeah, yeah.
Yes, those happen.
I need to write what I just said down.
Yeah.
You got to strike first.
You got to strike first, basically.
It's just the truth is, like, our parents always try to tell us, like, it should just work.
Yeah.
Relationships are fucking worse.
I didn't understand when people were like, it's just communication.
And now I get so much what they mean when 90% of a relationship is communication.
Yeah.
And it's like, you can't just expect it to do it.
Yeah.
That's what people want.
Like, if it's real love, then it should just always be cool and it always just works.
And that's how your love works.
You should just know.
And it's like, nah, man.
It's like, no, this is actually a thing you have to care about, intend to, and work at.
It's so hard sometimes.
And it just is that.
And there's no way around that.
The Dating Stage Ick00:05:18
Yeah.
The word part is like when you feel an argument happening and you're like, okay, we're in a maze going down the wrong way.
Okay, how do we like back up super slowly to not go farther down?
You know what I mean?
And that's work.
You got to be like, okay, fuck.
What did I say?
How did she hear it?
How do I reverse this without pissing everyone off?
I think I've said this even on here before, but like, what I would just do is when I felt we were going down the maze, I would just go, I say the worst possible thing is, oh, so you want to ruin the night.
Oh, yes.
Like, why would that work?
You bluff.
Why would that work?
Oh, you want to ruin the night?
We've all done.
They're like, what is she supposed to go?
Oh, no, let's fix this.
I went home.
Let's try to ruin it.
Like, no, she's having a fan.
We've all done it.
I definitely have done it.
Yo.
Like, another night.
You're just going.
Oh, you're doing that tonight.
Yeah.
Are there any gender roles you refuse to do?
Like, do you have to drive every time you get in the car?
No, because I don't drive at all.
I always just give Uber.
Okay, that's smart.
That's smart.
But you don't let her drive.
No, I've never seen her drive ever.
And I know her personality.
I don't think she would be good at it.
During the break, I just texted my girl that I'm thinking about her, bro.
Oh, shit.
Needed that.
She's like, really?
Thinking about you for no reason at all.
Women always like, especially, I always get all this criticism of like being masculine leaning.
And I don't hang around up gays.
And I'm like, I'm out here doing God's work.
And y'all fucking belly.
I really am.
Dogs.
I'm like, I'm out here getting niggas of tap and tailbosis, bro.
I got some of my street homeboys cry.
Like, for real, my nigga, I really never thought about it like that.
Like, yo, I need to fucking da-da-da-da-da.
You know what I mean?
It was where I was talking to my homeboy.
He was like mad, frustrated with his girl.
And he was like, yo, like, you know, just like every time she always acts like she don't have an opinion.
I said, have you ever noticed that she shrinks around you?
And he was like, what do you mean?
I'm like, you just have such a big and aggressive personality and she's not that type of person.
And whenever you get like that, even though you're just talking, she gets small.
And he was like, damn, yo, I got to stop.
I was like, yeah, just maybe try talking to her a little differently.
And you might get her to talk, but you come at her like you come at me and she can't handle the interaction that way, bro.
He was like, that's fucking crazy.
I never thought about that shit before.
Yeah, man.
That's funny.
This is like when guys have a girl, like they have a baby daughter and they'll be like, man, I never understood like women before until I had a girl.
And it's like, really?
Like, you had to have a whole nother life.
You're basically doing that without having, you have to have a kid.
You know what I mean?
But I was asking about the ick.
So like the ick is this like Gen Z term that kids use where basically like a guy will do something that is just like, it's kind of random, like not even a big thing, just like a small little subtle thing, but it will turn the girl off so much that she can never like him ever again.
Like two people will be like dating, flirting, and then she'll see him like run with a backpack on.
Yeah.
And then be like, I can never see you the same way.
Do you believe in that?
Yeah.
I'm not saying I think it's right or wrong.
I'm saying, yeah, I believe that.
You really think that that's real?
Yo, I've always.
You don't think it's the excuse to stop liking someone you already don't like?
I think you might have had some like questions and then you see the thing and you're like, there we go.
You know what I'm saying?
It's the last straw.
But if you're in love with someone and they're doing everything, like, I just.
But that's anybody, though.
Everybody got that, though.
Like, women, when they love somebody, they are perfect.
Everybody got that, though.
Like, I tolerate.
So, but both ways, like, the stuff, like, I, the stuff that I put up with from my fiancé, I have left many of relationships.
You know what I mean?
Like, love her.
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's like, oh, it's different.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I was like, box crazy.
Box crazy.
When people talk about the ick, I think they're talking about the dating stage.
I don't think they're talking about like actual intervention.
But I think that a lot of dudes see it and they get this fear.
Like, if I do one thing wrong, then the girl will stop liking me.
It's just like, if a girl got the rose colored glasses.
Yeah, I always took this as like a courtship kind of thing where it's like, he's talking to me.
I think I like him.
But then he did this thing and I'm out.
Yeah, that's right.
Which is hilarious.
Yeah, yeah.
But I'm saying I do think that happens.
Yeah, that happens.
Agree.
And my own girl stopped talking to a dude because he wore shower caps and she didn't like that.
I love shower caps.
She was like, it bothers me.
I was like, all right?
She don't like that.
That's a look.
It's definitely a fucking look.
A shower cap is crazy.
I'm not going to lie.
There's those Twitter threads of the ick, and they're funny.
They're hysterical.
They're so good.
Shower cap should be on there.
So good.
Running with a backpack is crazy.
The backpack just hitting you in the ass.
That does look crazy, bro.
You're like, goofy.
You're holding it like that.
It says something about what type of nigga this is.
It's an insight.
And it's like, do I want to be with a person who does that?
Or do you want to be with someone who got somewhere to be?
Like, he's hungry.
Running Through the Rain00:04:11
But it's the way you get in the way you got to be.
You thirsty.
Yeah.
Like, come on, bro.
It ain't too powerful for Uber.
You still got a backpack on like a child at broad.
Yeah, bro.
I'm at the airport, man.
You're just trying to make a flight.
I can't make our flight.
Bro, when I was living in France, my host's family, the guy that I was living with, the dad was like this old bourgeoisie, like lawyer guy.
And it was pouring rain one day.
And I was like, oh, we should jog it out of the rain.
And he just walked in the rain.
And I asked him, like, soaking wet.
I was like, why'd you walk around?
He just looked at me and he goes, mock, a gentleman never runs.
And I was like, oh, yeah.
I think about that to this day.
I'm like running.
I'm like, I'm an idiot for running.
You know, you don't run anywhere.
I'm not running nowhere, man.
They say you get more wet if you run in the road.
Yeah, that's true.
We missed it.
There'll be another one.
Yeah, bro.
We missed it.
Like, I don't even go to the airport in like franticness.
Like, we can't make it.
I'm not going to make that one.
And you just accept it.
Yep, we need to do something else because I'm not living like that.
It's crazy.
I'm not living like that no more.
Yeah.
No point in stressing.
It's an unnecessary one.
It is.
There are more flights.
Yeah.
It's just like, and the thing will, it'll be fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The subway comes every two minutes.
I was late.
I missed my first flight to go to Kelly Clarkson when I was on my way to LA.
Yeah.
I was in the car and I was like, I'm not making this flight.
We need to find another flight.
And they were like, but do you think you could still, no?
Well, we're going to not cancel the flight.
I said, that's fine, but you should be looking for other flights because not making this flight because I'm not running around this fucking airport.
Yeah.
It is crazy when you think, but like, I remember sticking my arm in the subway doors to not miss a subway.
Yeah.
For a subway that will come in a few minutes.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Stop that shit today.
That's my point.
Jump down three steps.
That's my shit.
And the shit just stayed there.
And I was like, yo, I'm going to get it.
I had to tell the subway like you need an applause or something.
Gotcha.
I'm here.
You saw me just stop the train.
You're everybody mad at you because you holding the shit up.
You got your arm out the door.
I was on time, though.
But dude, that's exactly my shit of like, I don't, I just don't want to live frantic like that.
There's a whole life I had of being a fucking Best Buy boy and a Starbucks employee and all these low-level jobs and running around like this frantic idiot with my head cut off trying to get places and being like, if I don't get space on time, I may be fired.
It's like I'm not about to lose my life because I missed the plane.
I'm not running around here like a crazy person.
What was the worst job you ever had?
No.
Yo, that is what a little money will do.
Right?
It should just, it buys you time.
Yeah.
I'm going to be late.
We're not doing that.
I'm going to be doing that.
Convenience.
Money can't buy you happiness, but convenience, it buys a fucking time.
A ton of it.
And it's like, yeah, no, we're not doing that.
Yeah, that is, yeah.
You got to be.
Yeah, like when people are rich and on time, you got to be like, hey, man.
Wow.
You earned it.
Thank you, bro.
Thank you for that.
And I definitely try to be.
I try to be prompt.
I don't like being late, but it's like, if I know it, it is what it is.
We just have to make some other arrangements.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kelly.
I'm going to try to word this correct because I heard you mentioned multiple times.
You said, oh, I'm a man now.
Do you identify as a trans person?
No.
No, I'm just meaning like I had to go from one role to the other role because my nature is masculine of center.
Like that is the skew in which I see the world.
And I feel like I've always been that way.
I just didn't really understand what it meant in my body.
You know what I mean?
But I always mentally kind of was like a person that felt need to provide.
I always always did dudes that I had to do a lot for.
Oh, so you were providing sisters that I had to do a lot for in the sense of just like emotionally keeping them on.
So you was dating a bunch of bitch ass niggas.
That's success.
Oh, sure.
Not the fucking lambs.
Yes, I did.
I liked lame guys for sure.
Atlanta Business Freedom00:09:56
Oh, that's so funny.
It would have been something back in the day.
I like nerds.
I like, I love them.
Have you ever seen any of the dudes you dated back in the day?
Like now?
Yeah, for sure.
And what's the energy like?
Fine.
I don't, I don't know what it is for them, but they never really project anything crazy.
Right.
You know what I mean?
It's just like, what's up?
I mean, also, I'm so like chill.
Like, and I'm, I'm, like, a real person.
So I'm like, I know we fucked it.
It's weird.
But like, it's fine.
You know what I mean?
Like, so there's no reason to be weird because it's not like I'm like, hey, don't act like I fucked.
Like I'm like, it's whatever it is.
So you've hung out with the dudes that you used to be with.
Yeah, I used to hang out with my ex boyfriend all the time and I would go to LA because he lives in LA.
He moved to LA like years ago and he lives in LA.
And did he know?
Do you think he had ideas, suspicions?
We never really talked about it.
Really?
You know what I mean?
I don't.
Did you ever peg any of them?
No.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm like, I don't think so because I wasn't like grossed out by dick.
It wasn't like, yeah.
It just wasn't my thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But then you went to Atlanta and it turned you gay.
Is it water down there?
No, it's just there's a lot of five black women and they are gay.
Yeah.
Really?
So you're like, oh, whoa, I didn't even know this was an option.
But wow, this is interesting.
And I mean, this is seriously though.
Like, what is it about Atlanta where there's this like, it almost feels like there's this immense freedom in the gay community, right?
I just think it's just a hub for black people.
So you get all types of black people.
At first I thought that, but then I said, but then I also thought it's like, well, this is in the South.
There's a religious place, but it also seems like a place where like black gay people feel very safe expressing themselves and also accepted.
Yeah, there's a big black gay culture in Atlanta.
And then what do you think that was?
You think it's just a huge black community?
There's other big black places that you don't see it in the same way.
But it was a, but the attraction of Atlanta to everywhere.
Like Atlanta, like Atlanta, all black people know Atlanta is like the beacon of hope.
You know what I mean?
It's like, I'm going to go to Atlanta and I'm going to change my life.
I'm going to go to Atlanta.
I'm going to give me a good job.
I'm going to be able to get a house.
If you're living on the East Coast, everything's super expensive and you're fucking living in the project.
You're like, we need to save somebody and get our asses down to Atlanta so we could have some opportunity.
We used to read about Harlem being, we read Harlem what it used to be.
It feels like that's what Atlanta is now.
I don't know if that's accurate or not.
In terms of like that, that was like the center of black America from what we learned in textbooks and shit.
And now it feels like Atlanta is that.
Atlanta's just, yeah, Atlanta's just a place where you, like for me, when I went to school down there, I had not ever seen in my life so many young black people that were like just upwardly mobile and starting their own businesses and like out in the world, like getting to, I just had never seen that in Boston, never.
So it was like, whoa, there's just opportunity here.
You know, you'd go to little Five Points and it'd be 22 year old dudes and they own a store and they like chilling and like you're getting all types of black people too.
Not, it's.
It's like you got skater kids, punk kids, Afropug kids, gay kids, it's just like.
You know, I never seen nothing like that.
So I think Atlanta is just like this thing, where you you know at least it used to be where it was like hey, there's opportunity for me here and there's like opportunity for me to do this with people that look like me.
You think the freedom might come from being in a place where everybody looks like you, whereas if you look different, you kind of feel like you have to fit with the club exactly.
And I think the desire for individualism like if the majority culture looks like this and is like this, if blackness dominates the majority culture in the space, most of the time you're gonna see more like yes, i'll be the skater, i'll be like.
What is my new identity?
I think that comes from what's just my experience.
I think that comes with the freedom of fitting in.
I don't have to worry about fitting in anymore.
Yeah, exactly.
So now i'm me.
Yeah, now I do fit in, naturally.
So let me be me exactly.
Whereas the rest of us, as outsiders, only ending in whatever school.
Yeah, and if you go like, or if you're black in Boston, it's like or black.
In a lot of cities it's like okay, there's like the three places that black people get to go and then if I want to go into the city yeah, and be like in among, then I got to go do white people shit.
I got to go to white people bars.
I got to get white people music that doesn't exist in it.
Everything is black.
The bars are black, the music is black, the clubs are black.
You know what i'm saying.
The strip clubs are black, everything is black.
Yeah, so it just gives you this other layer of freedom so you can explore your personal identity.
The gay clubs are black.
You know what i'm saying.
So that makes sense.
Like yeah, that makes sense in a place where you can explore your personal identity.
If your personal identity is a different sexuality or for it's a different type of I don't know music or whatever the fuck it is where yeah yeah, you can do it in that place.
Wow, that's kind of yeah, it's like being white, but in terms of like, the way that you can explore it, it's so cool.
So segregation was you know.
Yeah, that was a head start.
That's all i'm saying.
You know what I mean.
And would you say that that's like the common feeling about Atlanta, like amongst your friends or black that have gone there.
It was definitely the attractions, why everyone was going yeah, yeah.
And I think as a person, I changed from experience, not just my sexuality, but just what I thought was possible for me.
It just opened my eyes to seeing the success.
Yeah, seeing all these other people yeah so, and seeing it done their way and seeing it like this, it can be totally black.
It doesn't have to ever adjust to whiteness.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah, there's an authenticity that exists there and that made you realize okay, I can be authentically myself and succeed.
And especially old Atlanta, it was a.
It was a.
It was also we're gonna all with each other and help each other.
Yeah, like it.
Like like you could come to a dude.
He's like yo, i'm renting out my business for like a thousand dollars.
You'd be like I got nine and he'd be like it, if you're gonna give me cash, like we can just do this or do that.
And it was like there was all these ways to work around shit, just like other communities do for themselves.
Yeah, but you were like seeing this and you don't really I, at least, didn't grow up really seeing that amongst black people, you go to city hall to start your business, like my girl always talks about, like when she first opened her hair salon and she had to go do all this paperwork.
She was, like you know, the black woman who worked at city hall, because it's black People everywhere.
She was like, they just walked me through the process.
Like, baby, this is what you got to do.
Then you got to go.
So they're like almost rooting for you, local.
Yes, they want you.
They see a young black person.
They want you to win.
Like, the police, like, especially in the city of Atlanta back then, when I was in Atlanta, the police didn't really, you got to be like, that's why people call Atlanta black Boston.
Because it's like, you got to be drunk as fuck in the streets.
The police didn't fuck with you.
They didn't, you know what I'm saying?
There was no real vibe.
We would go to the club.
We would listen to car music, push each other like all night.
Like white kids marched, no fights, none of that shit.
Because like everybody had shit to do.
And most of us were in college or at a business.
So you just had stuff you wanted to get home to.
And it was kind of understood.
Like, we all here chilling.
And the police would just be like, you know, get where you got to go.
As long as there's no real shit going on, we're good.
What's different about it now?
Because you keep saying it used to be.
Violence.
And what happened with the violence?
Just too many different people coming.
I feel a lot of people moved.
It became like, yo, that's the spot.
But people moved.
Side gangs come in and they start to move.
I just think people moved without a purpose.
It used to be, you would go into Atlanta to do something, and now it's go to Atlanta because it's dope to be there.
Oh, so instead of going to create, going to build.
Yeah, you just got wayward people just take away from it.
Exactly.
Oh, fuck.
And I think that's the main problem because it increased the police.
It increased the police like hospitals.
Because anybody going crazy is going to do what you were saying.
It's like, I'm busy.
I got a business I'm trying to build.
I'm not trying to be out in these streets doing this.
That's what I'm saying.
It's purposeful.
And now it just seems like there's a lot of people there with no purpose.
And it's just turned everything up.
Like, it used to be, I remember I ran into the back of a cop car drunk at a McDonald's drive-thru coming home one night from the club.
And he got out, he looked at it, and he was like, Where are you going?
And I was like, bro, I promise you, I'm just going right there.
Like, my house is right there.
He was like, get out of here.
You know what I mean?
He was like, I better see you turned down that street and I better not see you out no more tonight.
And I was like, no.
Did you get the order though?
I called him.
I was like, can I get my food?
He's like, get your food.
I was like, wow.
That was Atlanta.
You know what I mean?
It was like you felt really safe.
Go to Atlanta and experience white privilege.
Wow.
Not anymore, though.
And you know who ruined it?
Black people.
Is there any other place?
We ruined everything.
We really do.
That is very white view, honestly.
Is there any other place you can get in the middle of the day?
That's secretly a thing that black people think.
We're like, whoa.
All these black people going to Tulum.
I can't.
Black people to fuck up Tulum.
We've been fucked up fucking South Beach.
South Beach used to be cool.
South Beach Wild.
That's hilarious.
Hold on, hold on.
So there's like a first wave of black people that go and it's like, oh, we're here.
It's lit.
And then there's a second wave and y'all hate the second one.
Is that real?
I ain't going to say it.
I ain't going to say that either.
I think white people kind of do that.
The thing about like Vegas back in the day.
And now you go to Vegas and you're like, oh, it's like old fat white guys.
I know people do this with Europe.
Oh, yeah.
Like a new like European city or whatever.
Like you'll go to fucking like Sicily.
Now all the white people are going to go because it was in white Lotus or whatever.
But like they'll be the white people that have been, I've been going to Sicily for 10 years or whatever like that.
And then you see the motherfuckers from like Long Island coming to Sicily and you'll be like, oh, it's ruined.
It's over.
Here they come.
Blah, blah, blah.
Because then it's Beyond Race.
It's just class.
What's that part of saying?
Everybody went to Mikonos.
Mikonos, now it's then you say Crete.
And then I heard somebody, I already heard somebody.
No, Crete is tutorial.
Race Class Waves00:01:30
I literally heard that.
It's done already.
Already.
It's happening so fast now.
It's crazy.
Yeah, that's funny.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Yeah, everyone does it.
Once you can look beyond race, it's just class.
And then it's like, all right, how else can we divide our little group?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
Because you don't want to identify with the second wave.
No.
Even though you probably are.
Yeah.
You probably, man.
There was mad waves.
Let's be honest.
None of us went to Tulum the first time we were invited.
No, we ain't going to that.
There's someone that grew up in Atlanta in like the 90s listening to you, being like, What are you talking about?
Atlanta back for this show.
Yeah, like she don't even know for sure.
That's funny.
Look, Sam, I want everybody to go watch you crush it and you people.
I want everybody to go check out your special on Netflix, but also I want them to see the stand-up.