Shane Gillis replaces Trevor Noah as Daily Show host, sparking debates on his vaccine hesitancy and controversial TikTok jokes involving Down syndrome. The duo critiques therapy versus life coaching while dissecting a sketch featuring Guy Fieri with PTSD and recounting DiCaprio's alleged cocaine offer. Their conversation intensifies with graphic accounts of a traumatic mushroom-Molly experience inducing ego death, contrasting their habits against the Philadelphia opioid crisis where users inject drugs into sores. They analyze Molly's emotional impact, discuss a blocked $10,000 Nate Diaz bet, and address a canceled John McKeever podcast before announcing upcoming tour dates in Pittsburgh, Virginia Beach, and Philadelphia. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Huge News: New Daily Show Host00:14:46
What's up everybody and welcome to Flagrant.
Today we are joined by, and we're going to be the first ones in the world to say it.
Absolutely huge news.
We have the new host of the daily show.
Give it everybody!
Give it up, Cheer!
You wouldn't be back, dude.
Dude, that couldn't keep you down, bro.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's big.
This is unbelievable.
Yeah, I didn't think they would do it, but this is so unbelievable.
The woke mob, dude, finally beat them.
Yeah, you did.
Fucking cancel culture.
Yeah.
So what are your plans for the new show, you know?
Geez.
Is it going to be daily?
Is it going to be daily?
Take a couple nights off.
I don't know.
What would I do with the daily show?
Yeah.
I'd probably make fun of the Dems.
Yeah.
It's time for the Dems to get a knuckle sandwich.
You know what I mean?
Talk about the VAX.
Yeah.
The truth about the Max.
What a mistake, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
What a mistake.
Why did we all do that?
Huge.
Did you get boosted?
No.
Yeah, dude.
I'm not getting boosted.
Who would do that?
You guys got boosted.
You got boosted?
Who would get a booster?
You got boosted?
No.
What do you mean?
I got it.
That is the worst where you go with your friends.
You got a booster, dude?
When I go home to my conservative friends, they're like, you got to fucking vax.
Me and your friends.
Yeah.
True.
True.
My real friends.
I have a nephew.
Yeah, come on, Al.
Adopted.
Adopted.
Obviously, yes.
What did you just say about my skin?
What did you just accuse my sister?
When you go home?
Yeah, it's just embarrassing to be like, yeah, I did get the vax.
Yeah, you can't do it.
Listen, I'm stoked for you.
The daily show, I think good things will happen.
Obviously, we just played FIFA.
You're feeling pretty good about yourself.
I'm actually still uncomfortable from that.
Why?
I had adrenaline going to this.
Really?
Yeah, because you lose in front of your fucking bros in here actively cheering for you.
Come on, Andrew.
They're cheering for you.
Andrew, come on.
And you had a comment about every team.
Oh, shoot.
We lost, Andrew.
And then what happened when you were changing up your team and you were doing all those things?
I made subs.
Oh, you made subs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't pick the best.
You took it really seriously.
I had to make subs.
Oh, is that an excuse?
No, an excuse.
I'm not excuses.
For winning?
PSG is not good?
I thought PSG was really fucking good.
No, I didn't pick PSG.
Stop it.
Why would you lie now?
Why would you lie now?
You guys, are you on Andrew's side?
You liar.
I'm a neutral.
Whoa, that's a huge accusation, bro.
He lied.
He knows I was man you.
What do you mean?
Man, you.
You were PSG.
What is happening?
He was man you.
I was Manchester United.
Yeah.
Can we not play a game here where we had to die a little bit?
He was PSU.
This is flavoring.
Why are these guys?
You guilted them all into supporting you.
That's what this is.
No, they were happy.
Jesus.
Oh, my life is so hard.
They were happy to see you lose, dude.
What a happy disease.
You with your victim culture.
All you do, come in here.
Oh, Vax, it's so hard going to my conservative family.
Oh, my family's so conservative.
No, my family is not.
Lean back, dude.
Fucking A.
Yeah.
Now I'm definitely not.
Are you leaning forward to rest?
Are you leaning in?
Is that what's happening?
I'm not going to lean back now.
Listen, listen, Shane.
We played a spirited game.
You won.
I'll give you that.
Yeah, you seem like you're taking it well.
Yeah, yeah.
I am.
What was that?
Sarcasm?
You see loud.
What is that?
Sarcasm right there?
Every time I come on this fucking thing.
Yeah.
Actually, this is funny.
Now, this one you got.
You did something entertaining.
Everybody's on this fucking episode.
I sat back because I wanted to, by the way.
Okay, good.
That's a good thing.
You know what I mean?
We're not the 40th podcast in a row you're doing.
So we're getting high energy.
Yeah.
That was brutal for us.
Yeah, it was a bad episode.
It was everybody didn't, but I was doing that podcast thing, and every podcast was like, so SNL.
I would sit down and they'd be like, I think it probably helped you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
Well, thank you for giving us the energy for the question we didn't ask.
No, I'm excited about it.
Yeah, yeah.
Excited about SNL.
You got a new problem, dude.
You had a bad attitude.
I called you today.
You were grumpy when I called it.
Yeah, I did have a bad attitude.
Why are you being grumpy?
Because you faked the whole, I don't know what's going on thing.
And I've been like, oh, you did.
You called me the day of the pod.
You're like, oh, yeah, we had that today?
I said, oh, shit, are we doing pod today?
How often do you call me?
And I wanted to call you.
I wanted to talk to you.
Yeah, right before the pod?
Yeah, I wanted to say that.
You are being fake.
That's why I just got awesome.
I don't have no context.
What's happening?
I called today, and he was doing the whole, like, oh, I don't know what's going on.
And he goes, this is outrageous.
He goes, he goes, oh, I'm so crazy.
I drink beer.
I don't know what's happening.
This is the most insane thing.
I don't know what's happening in the world.
He doesn't trust anything ever.
I'm a genius comedian, but I'm a schlep.
This is the most insane situation.
No, it's okay.
It's okay.
That's your outfit.
You know how Judah used to wear the outfit every night?
That's your outfit.
And then, like, no, not fit.
Come on, Metaphor.
Come on, Shane.
Look, so you called me.
You called me.
You called me.
Yeah, yeah.
But you don't call me in the a.m.
You called me at 11 a.m.
And you're like, hey, what's up, bro?
And I'm like, what's up, bro?
And then I'm like, I'm like, are we doing the podcast today?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You said, yeah.
No, no, you said, oh, after you called me, oh, yeah, are we doing the pod today?
And I was like, yeah.
I know, that's, yeah, that's.
Oh, yeah, that's.
No, I didn't.
No, I didn't.
Don't say, oh, just say yo.
No, I literally called and said, are we doing the podcast?
I didn't say, what's up, dude?
No, I said, what's up, you fucking hoe ass.
That's what I said.
You fucking bitch ass.
And then you didn't respond with the same energy.
You're like, what's up?
I was like, all right.
I was pushing.
That's crazy.
I told you I was pooping.
You did admit that.
Okay.
But that was.
You were like, oh, yeah, we got the pod today.
I said, oh, yeah, the pod today.
And I was like, don't do this.
Yeah, because that's the only reason you called.
Yeah, I wanted to call to make sure that we were doing the podcast today.
You just said, hey, just confirming.
I'm like, oh, yeah.
I said, hey, what's up?
I had a revelation.
Are we doing the podcast today?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's decent.
What's insane about this?
No, no.
Oh, yeah.
You're too absolutely surprised.
Hey, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm the artist.
You fake this.
Yo, you guys do anything?
Step in here.
I don't know this shit.
I'm just step in here.
This is what I didn't color, bro.
Yeah, maybe I'll rub my fucking head before a podcast and then shoot on the Indian audio.
That'll kind of sun both people.
And you guys let it happen.
That's an alpha shit.
You guys let it happen.
You rubbed the back of my fucking head.
You got a nice head.
What's wrong with that?
You got a nice head.
Yeah.
What was it like feeling hair on the back?
I have hair all over the back.
Don't get defensive.
The top's not great.
We're hanging on, though.
I'm just going to let it ride.
I'm just going to go bald.
I'm not going to shave it.
Okay.
We're not going to fix it.
Next time, I'm not going to play with an American team when we play.
Okay.
Yeah, you were MLS and I was PSG.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then we'll figure out something with that.
Okay, listen.
So SNL is.
Oh, no.
No.
Listen, Shane.
What the fuck are you looking at, dude?
Just staring at me.
Who do you want me to look at?
Look at everybody up.
Alex, I look at this motherfucker every week, twice a week.
Another guest.
I took a sip.
I look up.
You're the guest.
Fucking like, what the fuck, dude?
We're ignoring Shane.
You guys talk.
Gillian Keys is coming out.
Gillian Keys is coming out, right?
Can you shut the fuck up for a few seconds so I can introduce your thing?
Gillian Keys is coming out, okay?
They have a live special and they're going to sell it through the website.
What's the website?
GillianandKeeves.tv.
GillianKeys.tv.
So it's so different.
What was Gillian Keys staking?
Yeah?
Dot com?
I don't fucking.
I didn't set the fucking website up.
I don't know one thing about this.
Yeah, I hate when you do this.
What?
Because you do care.
Of course you can do that.
And then you play the thing.
No, I don't care.
And it drives me fucking crazy.
That was the energy of tonight.
I didn't set the website up.
Who did?
I said, I don't know.
You didn't have any part in it?
No.
I said make the show, Bill.
I believe him, B.
I believe him.
I hate him.
I'm telling the truth, see?
How come you supported him and he immediately made fun of you?
And that should be the punishment.
It's from Half Baked.
It's a comedy movie that he was.
I'm leaving now.
Why are you so mad at Shannon?
Why are you so mad?
Why are we so mad?
Before the last time he came on, he was so bad.
It was because I was so complimentary.
And also, if we're really going to analyze it, he's going to be good at entertaining the worse I try to make him feel.
Oh, okay.
You know what I mean?
So right now he's got his energy up.
The fact that I explained it, now he's just going to deflate into a fucking bulldog like he was last time.
He just sat there licking his lips for fucking two hours.
But if I rip him enough and bully him enough, then I think that we can get good energy.
GillianMotherfuckingKeys.tv.
You can watch it on not TV.
You can watch it on the internet.
It's only 10 bucks.
Our special sketches, also live portion where they're like in front of a live crowd.
I've watched a few of them.
Amazing.
It's not sketches.
Sorry, I don't want to compliment too much, but it's not sketches that are like cheaply shot.
There's a fucking airplane in the first one.
That's all I'll put out there.
So you're getting a bargain for your money.
Go support that.
When is it out?
I think today when the show's coming out.
Okay, when the show comes out.
Yeah, 8 p.m.
I fucking love it.
We're all supporting.
We're going to it.
I love that you did that.
How much did it cost to make?
Like $270,000.
A lot.
That's a lot.
Let's fucking go.
We'll see.
Let's fucking go.
Also, I don't want to compliment you.
Okay.
But we wouldn't have, you were very, very crucial in doing any of it.
That's not, that is not true.
It is.
They were not going to do it.
Not that they were not going to do it, but they needed some prodding.
And I was like, let's talk to Schultz and hold tell you guys.
We got on the phone with Schultz and he was like, you guys got to do it.
What do you guys, why are you not doing it?
It's the same story you told in Austin.
It was you telling them and then being like, I don't know.
And then you calling Schultz.
I told you that privately.
You got to do this.
And everybody's like, hey, I think this is a good idea.
Yeah, that did hurt.
That did hurt.
The guys I'm making the show with, they were like, dude, I don't know.
I was like, Schultz, please talk to these guys.
As soon as they got on the phone with him, they were like, yeah, I guess that is a genius idea.
Come on, fuck.
I do this every week with my therapist and my wife.
It's like I try to explain something to her.
And then when we talk to the therapist.
You guys both see a therapist together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
On Zimek couples therapy.
On the Zee, on Zoom.
How's that going?
It's fucking amazing.
Really?
You guys should do it.
I think you'd be great at therapy.
Just sitting there going, hmm.
I tried therapy.
I hated it, dude.
What do you mean?
I went to a therapist for like three months.
Is that how you tried it?
And he was like, and he was, all he did was try to get me to hate my dad.
I was like, for real, the whole time I was like, no, I genuinely, I like my dad.
And he was like, did he hit you?
I was like, yeah.
But he should have.
I kept being like, no, he's the man.
Bro, that is true.
Therapy is your parents fucked you up.
Yeah.
Therapy is you're not accountable for anything.
Your parents did bad.
Yeah.
And the whole time I was like, no, this is me.
Yeah.
For sure.
And that's why you got to go to a psychologist.
Apparently there's a difference.
Well, psychologists.
Psychiatrist and psychologist, right?
Or a therapist.
There's three.
Isn't one?
They're all therapists.
What's the difference?
Yeah, psychiatrist is medication.
I think a therapist doesn't have to be a PhD.
That's true.
Yeah.
Come on, come on, come on.
But I don't want somebody to be a PhD.
I want someone with street smarts for you.
You know what I mean?
Like, been through what you've gone through.
A life coach.
Just some dude from Buffalo.
Yeah.
That sounds sick.
Can you go to the bush?
Do you ask them want to jump on a table, bro?
Like, just do it.
You know what I mean?
I'm in Buffalo this weekend.
Oh, really?
I might go.
I'm going to go to the game.
Hell yeah.
It'd be fun.
Hell yeah.
I don't think I could do the.
I'm not jumping.
Come on.
Why not?
I would destroy.
You're going to need a shatter.
You're less tables.
There's some big guys in Buffalo, you cocksucker.
Whoa, dude.
Whoa.
You know what you were doing?
Listen.
Listen, I noticed the little piece of the sketch that you put out to first promote that somebody's been working on their arms bare minimum.
Oh, that's true.
Some of them are exactly, Doug.
I watched your fucking Getting Back in Shape series that you just put on YouTube.
That's Stavros.
Oh, that was Stavros?
Yeah.
I thought it was like, I'm getting back in shape.
This is more mean to Stop.
We're using Stob as an insult to people.
That's a nasty thing to do to your friends.
YouTube title.
That's a nasty thing to do.
Stopping baby gets back into shape.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I thought you were getting in shape.
No, no, no, no.
It's different comics.
I'm not getting in shape, dude.
And then I saw the video and your arms are so buffed, dude.
Dude, I hate this.
Dude, I saw the video, and your arms are so buffed.
GillianKeats.tv, dude.
10 pounds.
This is so good.
You know how often I get mistaken for every other brown comic?
Watching it happen to white people.
It's so fun.
It's so fun.
I see when they do it to me.
I see when people do it to me.
It's so fun.
Dude, it's so hard, bro.
Your life.
I've never been mistaken for Starbucks.
Dude, life is so hard, bro.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
This is how we got it.
This is better.
This is what we did.
Last time we sat here like, God, you're such a prolific genius comic.
And then you just, your brow furrowed.
Yeah.
That was good.
Why are you not good at receiving compliments?
You think that's your dad, maybe?
It's true.
I guess he didn't really compliment me.
Why not?
Why not?
I don't.
You fucking did great.
I didn't give him.
Now he likes me.
But not when you got to Notre Dame?
I didn't go to Notre Dame.
To West Point?
Maybe.
No, he was excited for that, but then I quit right away.
And then what did he say to you?
And he was like, you fucking pussy.
Really?
Yeah.
But did you tell him that you were just knocking box the whole time?
No, I wasn't.
I wasn't having any sex.
Were you queer until you left West Point?
I think sexing at West Point.
That's what you came up with?
I mean, that was tough improv.
I'll give you that.
That was the good line right there.
That is a good moment.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
West Point Dreams and Quitting00:02:55
Yeah, but what about you guys?
What's going on with you?
Yeah, it's hard driving a pot.
What about you guys?
It's hard, huh?
What have you guys been up to?
Bro, Shane actually has been working out, dude.
This is fucking shocked.
Let's see it.
Hold on.
That's crazy.
Oh, my God.
You look good.
Is this for West Point?
That actually is.
You guys, you know what?
That's his rival's profile picture.
Jane, Jane, can we click the video?
I just want to hear the sound.
I just want to hear the sound.
It's a suit.
It's a suit.
No, you look great, dog.
Congrats.
I don't think that's funny.
Yeah, I see that.
I see why.
I see why.
But you don't get it, you mean?
Yeah.
But that's not me.
So I don't understand it.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't get the joke.
That's okay, dude.
It's okay.
I noticed when you get frustrated, you often lean forward and do like this.
Like, where did that come from?
Like, how many chromosomes?
What is that?
What is the deal with that?
Like, how does that?
Like, what's the question?
You're being a bully, dude.
He's a young bull.
He's a young bull.
Listen.
Have your fun, dude.
Listen.
Have your fun.
Listen.
You want to start a FIFA.
I'm riled the fuck up.
You thought it was over?
You thought I was filling you?
Shane is a munch.
Yo, you're a munch, Shane.
Be honest, bro.
What's munch?
Yeah, what's that?
Come on.
You don't know about ice spice, bro?
No.
I'm 36.
I'm amazed you didn't.
You're only 30.
Wait, how old?
I'm 34.
How old are you guys?
Say what?
38, dude.
Oh, wow.
38, dude.
Damn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I look older.
Yes.
I don't think you do.
You guys act young as shit, though.
You guys.
You guys, what are you guys?
18?
Yo, son.
Come on.
You're fucking munching, dude.
You know what I mean?
Come on, bro.
Come on, Shane.
Dude, I was watching your TikTok account.
That shit.
What's that?
Which one?
That's better.
Yeah.
That was a better.
The Gillian Keys?
That was a bit.
No, your personal TikTok.
I don't think.
I swear to God, I don't have one.
Also, you sounded 38 when you said that.
That was great.
Yeah, your TikTok.
Your TikTok account is also a count.
Your account on TikTok.
I swear to God.
Maybe somebody's doing an account with you on TikTok.
What is it?
Obviously, fucking hilarious.
It's you doing dance moves.
Are you trying to find a guy with Down syndrome doing TikTok?
Is that what you're trying to do?
I didn't say that at all.
Search answers.
Search.
It is going to be good.
GillianKeys.tv, dude.
Political Syndromes and Clowning00:04:17
Yeah, there's going to be a lot.
There's going to be a lot to go.
Down syndrome dudes love TikTok.
Oh, my God.
That guy's nice.
By the way.
These guys are awesome.
Yeah.
They're having fun.
For you guys to sit here and be like, oh, wait a minute.
Let's bring it up and mock them.
That's fucked up, dude.
That's a dude.
I'm not getting you.
By using them as an insult.
Using.
Using you.
So you're insulting them by saying I look like them, or you're insulting me by saying I look like them.
This is you backing your victim thing.
No, no.
I'm not being a victim.
I'm saying the jokes you're doing is not.
It's not like.
It's not PC.
That's not cool.
You know what's really weird.
You're making fun of these guys, these Down syndrome dudes, putting out TikTok videos.
You're punching down.
I'm sorry.
I'm actually sorry.
I'm sorry.
No, no, but go back to analyzing fun.
Yeah.
That's always great.
Dude, with people like Shane, you have to go into like their interests.
You have to ask about the things that they're fixing.
Who's the 34th president?
No, I don't know.
That's a lie.
I'd have to count them.
Backward.
It'd be tough.
Tell you who 46 is.
46, go.
Donald Trump.
The king is back.
You think he's coming back?
You think he's going to win?
I don't think he's even running.
You've been saying this forever, and I don't believe it.
If they keep talking shit on him, he's going to run.
You don't think there's a fear of losing, which is going to stop him?
I don't think so.
If he runs against Biden, he'll win.
They can't run Biden.
Can he beat DeSantis in the primary question?
DeSantis probably won't run if Trump runs.
I don't know.
Trump will end a career in the primary.
If Trump says fuck DeSantis, all of his people are going to be like, yeah, fuck DeSantis.
But DeSantis is winning in his state between the two of them.
In Florida, yeah.
But again, if Trump goes out and says, he's going to start clowning him.
Yeah.
If he does, then DeSantis won't run.
I think that, yeah, I think DeSantis won't run.
I think it's going to win next time.
Exactly.
That's more than being advice.
But I was talking to this kid who said a really interesting thing.
It's like, you run when you have heat.
Like, I remember when Obama ran.
Yeah, people thought it was too early.
I was like, why would he do it?
We just found out who he is.
But the longer you stay in office, the more shit you have on you.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
That you can bring up.
And I think this is the time for DeSantis to go.
Remember when we thought Chris Christie was like, we liked him after that hurricane?
He brought up Chris Christie, actually.
Yeah, and people were like, yo, he should run.
And then he didn't.
And he waited.
And we're all like, oh, fuck this guy.
Yeah.
He sucks.
And then Trump buried him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then he was standing behind Trump.
God, that was embarrassing.
And then Trump was like, go, you can leave.
And he actually left.
And he walked off the stage.
You're good.
And he left.
You were really studying those things closely, those Trump news conferences.
Yeah, hell yeah.
They were fun.
Now, that is.
I watched every one.
I'm not going to lie.
That is one regret.
I wish that we went and saw a rally, a Trump rally.
Yeah, me too.
Never been to one.
Yeah.
Why'd you wink?
Hey.
Feels like you're trying to communicate in another way.
No, I did not go.
My bros went and they said it was a good time.
Was it?
Yeah.
You really never went.
I feel like it'd be funny.
I never went.
I would have gone.
I feel like you'd be like the feature actor.
You would open up the show.
It would be fun to go to.
You could actually roast Trump and Trump would like it.
Oh, yeah.
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I think that he's really sensitive.
He hates being aware of it.
I think so.
I thought of that too.
I think Chane could get away with it.
Because he does a good impression, which, first of all, even if you're sensitive, if somebody does a good impression, you're like, ah, it's fun.
Oh, there's some flattering.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you're not just going to openly shit on him.
You know what I mean?
You're going to be like, yo, this is Trump's fun time.
On How Recern with fucking Artie Lang.
No.
They're talking about they did a roast of Trump and Artie was on it.
And he was like, Artie was there.
He was great.
He was hilarious.
And then they were like, he said some mean things about you, right?
He was like, he was the biggest loser out there.
Just one clip.
He was like, I was lying.
I was trying to be nice.
He actually ruined the entire shit.
One fucking one sentence.
Yeah, I think if you make fun of him, he'd probably be mean to you.
Haruto's Chicken Taste Test00:05:35
Yeah.
Well, Whitney roasted him and then said afterward, he just shook her hand and said, that was great television.
And she like went in.
Yeah.
So I think he also, he knows the fuck you.
Yeah, he knows the value of it.
I know we had a, fuck, we did something and then his son reached out or like tweeted something.
This is one of your ideas.
He did one of my videos.
He's, yeah, he's into it.
Which one?
The one where you were.
The Trump firefighter.
No, the firefighter.
It was an old one where a firefighter saves a family and they're interviewing him.
They're like, we found this video and he's a Trump supporter.
So the media's like, gets him fired.
Right.
You know.
Yeah, yeah.
Shit, they would like it.
They liked it.
They liked it.
Nice.
Yeah.
Can we watch the sketch that you guys have?
We have a never been seen before.
Never been seen publicly.
From Steve .tv.
This is coming out literally out tonight.
Yeah, this is one of the sketches in it.
Any setup or you want to just...
It's if Guy Fieri had PTSD.
Fire.
What's up, gang?
I'm Toby Picteron.
And not only am I a military vet, but I'm also a grilled meat connoisseur.
I went through hell and back to defend this country.
Now I'm traveling all over it to find the best greasy grub.
When I was in war, I went through a pretty dramatic experience that left my memory fragment, but my taste bud perfectly intact.
Whoa.
And sure, sometimes.
Fuck!
Oh, not cool, game.
But I'll never forget these tasty flavors.
So join me while I'm trying to remember who I am with some unforgettable food.
I am the grill sergeant.
I'm here at Garudo's hot house, where I hear he's got a spicy chicken dish that's hotter than napalm.
Let's check it out, gang.
Hey!
Nice work job, asshole!
Hey, I'll beat the fuck out of you!
I'll bust your ass, boy!
You don't fuck with me!
Whoa!
Whoa!
What's up, guys?
I'm here with Haruto, and this is his world-famous spicy chicken.
Rudo, though, is his sports.
What's Haruto, Haruto?
I tell you what, Toby, it's all about the spices.
Ain't that true, brother?
Back in the military, we used to have the saying.
Whoa!
Tell me about these spices, Garudo.
Yeah, so we're just gonna slide in some cornstarch right there.
That's cornstarch.
And then a little bit of garlic powder, super important.
Garlic powder.
And then a little bit of cinnamon.
Cinnamon.
Yeah, it's really gonna make it.
It's crazy, Haruto.
It is crazy.
It's really gonna make the flavors explode.
Not gonna try too much.
Okay?
You motherfuckers!
I just love the funchiness on the outside.
I know what you did, you son of a bitch.
Cheesy chicken on the inside.
Got me close on it!
I don't really like the pachani shit on the walls.
That's why I don't wear my glasses.
This chicken is unreal.
Jesus Christ!
It's okay.
He's just having a flashback.
Doing great.
Talk a little bit more about the spices, the cinnamon.
That's a little goofy, huh?
You know what I love about this restaurant?
They play loud music in the bathroom.
What the fuck, man?
Okay.
Can you get back to the chicken?
Can you get back to the chicken?
Wow, a chicken's not half back.
Whoa!
Hey, Haruto, you can really taste that center.
You want a bag of ice?
Yeah, a bag of ice might help.
Thing me up pretty good back there, Haruto.
Also, the spices getting into the wounds pretty bad.
That's it for Haruto spicy chicken.
Wow, that stuff had a kick.
Coming up next week, we're headed to Denver to check out Christ.
Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm driving around at Convertible eating pussy and sandwiches for a living.
So fucking stuck like this.
Yeah.
Stop.
I mean, you guys are fucking great.
Yeah.
You're fucking great.
Thanks, man.
I mean that.
Thank you.
As much as I want to just bash you right now.
No, thank you.
You guys are fucking great.
Yeah, that was a good one.
That is.
When we filmed that, they were like, there's old people out in another restaurant.
And like when we pulled up, everyone were like, oh shit, it's Guy Fieri.
And like me walking in, I was like, fuck you, motherfucker.
And they were all like, holy shit.
Yeah, it was pretty fun.
I mean, okay, a couple things.
First of all, you're a very good actor, and I'm curious if you would do dramatic acting.
I'm just going to ask that.
Yeah.
I've never done it.
Do you train at all acting wise?
Did you aspire to do this sketch?
Yeah, to do like sketches in general.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, I feel like you might be like a really like low, like a sneaky, really good actor.
Okay, second of all, the edit.
Guy Fieri Acting Impressions00:15:22
The edit.
So edit.
Dude, I thought you were going to be like, Loki, I think you're a little gay.
No!
Dude, you're not gay at all, dude.
No, I'm not gay.
You're not.
Okay.
Acting's not gay.
Yeah, there's nothing gay about it, dude.
You're not acting.
Second of all, the edit.
You involved in the edit.
No, John's, he's the one that's.
He's brilliant, too.
Yeah.
I mean, it's all that.
We'll film sketches where I'm like, is this even funny?
This sucks.
And then he'll send me the edit.
I'm like, damn.
Yeah.
The pacing, like jumping back between the girls.
And then I noticed when this one, I don't even know if you did in the old ones as much, but you showed me another one as well.
Using the music.
That's John.
It's fucking.
And we asked him to be here today, but what did he say?
He was too fucking busy.
No, he has a job.
He's a day job.
Come on, John.
Yeah, buy this thing so John can quit.
John, please.
Yeah, this is.
We need John to quit.
Everybody at home, this is a keys.tv.
I doubt he wants me to say.
Isn't he in then?
Yeah, he works.
He works, government?
Yeah.
Yeah, for a company.
But no, it's just fucking amazing.
And it's like, it's just, I've said this when it first came out.
I said it when you guys were originally doing it.
I know you fucking hate the compliments, but I just want people at home to realize.
I think it's the best sketch out now.
I don't know anything else that I'm seeing that's making me laugh consistently.
Sleep cop.
Tim Robinson.
Oh, dude.
Sleep cop is great.
Fucking, I think you should leave.
Tim Robinson.
Was it Tim?
Tim Robinson?
Logan Paul recommended this to you.
He's like, dude, this show next up.
And he said, I think you should leave.
And then he kept on going, wait, well, what do you mean?
And he goes, I think you should leave.
And then he kept going, why would you say that?
We had like a who's on first moment.
Like, he was like, I think you should leave.
And I'm like, buddy, what's happening right now?
Like, why are you asking me to leave?
You're mad at it.
When I saw the Isis Toyota sketch, I watched it mad late.
Yeah.
And then I texted you after I watched it.
I was fucking howling on my phone, played it on my TV for my wife and cousin who were visiting.
And all of us were just like, this is incredible.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Maybe this is inside baseball for comedy, but I don't know.
I love, I love Geek It Out Comedy a bit.
The way that you write jokes, and there are other people who are like this.
Like the way Chappelle writes jokes is sketch.
Like if you see like one of his bits, you can also like it comes almost with visuals.
Yeah.
And I remember jokes that I think you said that.
Yeah, maybe.
And we did it.
Well, the one joke, you saw me do a joke at the seller's.
It was so funny.
That's just a sketch.
Yeah.
Like it wasn't even a joke.
You were pitching it.
I think you were either.
It was just a sketch.
I don't want to give it away.
Wait, can we tell the premise?
The premise.
You've seen the joke.
It's at the beginning of my special.
The guys coming up with Age of Consent.
So funny.
And the guy having a guest.
So funny.
As soon as I said it, he was like, that's a sketch.
That's why we used it at the beginning of the special.
It's kind of just a standalone joke.
Like, it doesn't have anything to do with.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
See what happens when we just say how great you are?
Yeah.
I think if you have that.
I'm actually not making you.
Big, big shade fans on the pod.
But this is good.
Would you ever do your version of Chappelle's show?
Yeah.
Like stand up into sketch, into stand-up, back and forth.
Yeah, I'd like to do that.
I think I might be.
Yeah, that's kind of what you're doing now, right?
If somebody gave us more money.
Are there elements of this?
We could make that.
Could you do it on a small version and then just build it up on YouTube?
Yeah, I think so.
Like, you would just do it at a club.
The hard part is the rest of the guys, like, if we put this out for free, I get to make money because I get to go tour with it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What are they?
They get nothing.
So when you say we had to put this behind a paywall.
But when you said you paid $270, are you also paying them out of that?
Or are you waiting to get it?
They got some.
Okay, good.
Yeah, they got some.
Yeah.
But yeah.
Interesting.
What's the cuisine choice on this sketch?
Cuisine?
Yeah.
I didn't pick it.
And no other options.
John wrote that one.
You're going to make me beat up with Trump and Asian dudes.
We had to address it at some point.
But you got beat up this video.
That was good.
This is right back.
You got me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which that was tough to film.
I've never filmed a fight scene with a stranger.
It's very uncomfortable.
And then he had to wrestle for like an hour.
Really?
Yeah, that's really uncomfortable.
You rubbed his hair.
I grabbed his head.
But he was like, go hard.
And I was like, don't go hard.
Is Dave Goggins in the chat?
Go hard.
Go hard, dude.
In between every scene, I'd be looking back at John and them filming, like, dude, fucking hurry this up.
You know, Alison noticed.
Hold on, how long ago did you film this?
Is this in the middle of like stop painting?
It was kind of.
It was starting relatively.
He did it.
Yeah, yeah.
What are you saying?
Well, I'm going to say what I noticed.
SNL and all these shows push so much for diversity, but your sketches are always just naturally and not in like a weird force way.
They just are diverse.
You know what I mean?
Like you got so many sketches with Reggie, Reggie Conquest, who's so funny.
And like, you know what I mean?
I think you actually just got a lot of fun.
There's a lot of fun people in it.
Ant Moore's in a couple.
Who's Ant Moore?
You know, he's at the cellar, Anthony Moore.
Oh, yeah, He's great.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So it's Anthony.
Yeah.
He goes by Ant.
Yeah, I've never called him Ant.
Ant Moore.
You got to check him out.
Check him out.
Hey.
Check him out.
I know him, bro.
Check him fucking out.
Yeah, I know him, bro.
It feels weird when someone points at you like that, right?
Like this?
Yeah, yeah.
Whoa, dude.
That was crazy, dude.
You're so tough.
Look, you often focus on in your sketches, and that is progress.
And you put Francis Ellis in a few of your sketches.
Yes.
I noticed that.
Yes.
And is that because you support blogging about dead women?
I mean, he was innocent.
Francis was innocent.
He was innocent of murder, for sure.
He's purely innocent.
He didn't murder anybody.
He didn't do anything.
He didn't know.
He wrote one bad article.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Have you talked to him about it?
It's the funniest fucking story in the world.
He broke the whole set.
We got to get him on here.
No, he's been on here to say him being like.
We've had him on right after.
And they found her scorched remains.
He's back at Barcelona, dog.
Yeah, yeah.
You got to get more celebrity cameos.
I think that's the level up, dude.
Yeah, I was really upset that I was not included at all.
I also did no casting.
Yeah.
It's just Philly guys, other than Francis.
Francis is from New Hampshire.
Yeah, other than Francis.
Yeah, or Maine or something.
He's from Maine.
Yeah.
But he's like, he was in the first season as like a preacher or a priest.
This one, he's like a pilot and a judge.
I don't know if you know this.
Andrew's a great actor.
Yeah.
Known for it.
I've seen you in some stuff.
You are good.
No.
That one you're in a car.
I saw that.
Getting coffee with Jerry Seinfeld?
I was someone else.
I saw some shit where you were in a car.
I think that was an Israeli story.
I think he was promoting dates for Vegas.
That might have been it.
I think that's what happened.
Well, either way, it was awesome.
I was heartbroken, dude.
Really?
I was heartbroken.
I'm sorry.
I reached out to Keeves about it.
Let McKeever know, dude.
Be like, what the fuck was that?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We actually intentionally didn't put any big names in it.
Be honest.
If DiCaprio was like, dude, I love the fucking sketches.
You would put him in, right?
No question.
Yes.
Anybody that uses it, this is funny.
What?
Louis.
I was out with Louie and Louis.
What a good grand.
The young bull's got a nice real fuck.
Hold on.
I'm telling you a story.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But like, what tap did you realize you kind of like the texture?
Like, I early, ooh, you like that.
It's fun, dude.
Catching guys.
You feel like a cinnamon.
That's awesome.
I was at the airport yesterday.
I went out with Louie to get lunch and he was trying to be like, yo, you need to chill on the alcohol.
Like, he was, I was like, well, last night, somebody offered me cocaine and I turned it down.
That's good.
And he was like, nice, dude.
That's he was like, that's what you turned it down and you're like, nice.
I was like, yeah.
And he was like, you're going to get bigger.
And what if one time, like, you're at a party, Leonardo DiCaprio comes up and is like, me and Brad Pitt are going to go do blow.
Do you want to do it?
And I was like, yeah, 100%.
He was like, that's not good.
What?
I was like, dude, I'm doing that.
I'm doing whatever they do.
That's me.
That's network coolest fucking guys in the world.
Exactly.
That's who he picked.
And I was like, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
What reminded me was him saying, I mean, he wasn't disappointed.
That was a pretty good story.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was a good story.
I got a lot of stuff.
We got something better than a controller, dude.
Listen, we got something better than a controller.
Blue nights, baby.
Yeah, I'll get that.
Have you been getting, have you been?
I'm supposed to go to the gymnasium.
I gotta go to a gymnase.
I gotta do deadlifts at 4 p.m.
So no beers?
I have a couple.
I have like three.
Go do cardio.
My trainer's gonna be like, yo, what happened?
How long did it take you to make that start to?
Each one of those took like a day, every single sketch.
You mean like from when we started filming to tomorrow?
Yeah.
It's actually.
Thank you.
I have no, I think we filmed in July.
Oh, that's yeah.
That's quick turnout.
I'm good.
Fuck you.
Fly the cars.
Oh, wait.
Aren't you not drinking?
I'm not drinking, dude.
Are you off alcohol?
Cheers.
For 40 days.
How about how's that going, dude?
Dude, it's great.
No porn either.
No porn.
Wait, hold on, hold on.
What are you doing?
No alcohol, no porn.
No bread, no sugar.
I feel great.
What is this guy?
Wait, I'm trying to understand.
I didn't know that you were doing like a, are you a big porn guy?
I mean, an average, average porn guy.
Once every couple.
You know, I didn't know Mark was a big porn guy.
That's once more than me.
Yeah.
How often do you watch porn?
When you're on it.
But I mean, on the stuff.
Yeah.
When I'm actually banging, probably like, I mean, if I'm banging porn, dude, probably once every like three days.
Bro, you're like a fucking priest.
Yeah, no, I'm good.
That's fine.
That's great.
But now I'm at zero times.
Once every three days is fine.
No, no, no.
It warps your brain, dude.
I'm with your boy.
I'm with Shane on this.
Matt.
That's what I said.
Who are you?
You're Shane.
I'm Shane.
Okay, gotcha.
Yeah.
Matt's the one who's on no porn.
Yeah, I'm with Matt.
I was just his co-host says no porn.
I don't watch porn, but can you explain why?
You don't ever watch it.
Yeah, but just out of lack of sex drive, not any other reason.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll hit it.
I was just on the pern.
I was in the road.
Yeah.
So I watched porn.
Yeah.
And I masturbate.
Okay.
Both.
With hotel lotion.
With lotion.
Why didn't you use the lotion?
I used the lotion then.
Oh, shower.
It's nice.
The one nice thing about the hotel is you get sick.
You get a towel.
I've never drank my foot lotion.
Cool.
Give it a shot, dude.
It seems too high of lotion, guys.
It's too indulgent.
It's too indulgent.
Yeah, but I'm in a hotel room, dude.
There's nothing to do.
Indulge.
You know what I mean?
It makes your dick was a little hour, but shower in a full-body mirror, wiping jizz and lotion.
Sad, tired.
Yeah.
Fuck, I got a show tonight.
Oh, it's before every time.
First shows at like six.
Of course.
I'm not getting back from shows and whacking off.
Yeah, that would be crazy.
Yeah, I'm stumbling into the room like, yeah, we did it.
Another one, another hit.
Mark, I didn't know that you're doing this.
Yeah.
I knew that you were cutting, but I didn't know that you were doing no drinking.
He's cutting everything.
Cutting everything, dog.
Dopamine cleanse.
And now I'm sleeping with my phone in another room.
When what?
When I sleep.
Do you have your watch on you?
Nope.
So, I don't look at my phone first thing in the morning.
I don't look at it right before I go to bed.
I feel so much better.
I'm alive.
I've been doing the Hubrin thing, staring at the sun first thing in the morning.
Is that really good?
I mean, that's what he says.
I don't fucking know.
Stare at the sun?
Directly at the sun.
Yeah.
That's what he says.
Never done that.
I mean, yeah, definitely.
Totally.
I want to see who's stronger.
What's your record on that?
That's pretty good.
Sun's undefeated.
Yeah, yeah.
But no, I've been cleansing.
I feel amazing.
Really?
Yeah.
You don't think you could do it?
You don't think you could just cut out one thing?
Take the piece of pictures.
You cut out one.
You're really sober October?
I couldn't do that.
No.
What's the longest I want to drink?
What's the longest window?
I'll go like a week occasionally.
What happened?
Every once in a while, something terrible will happen.
Yeah, yeah.
And I'll be like, I need a week off.
I need a week.
I'm a family member.
No, like, I'll do a podcast where I look like a dumbass shit-faced.
I did that Barstool case race and took a week off after that.
What's the Barstool case race?
They brought me on.
You know, Roan from Barstool.
Of course.
Me and him were teammates.
We did a case race, see which team could finish 24 beers first.
I won.
I had 16 beers in an hour.
Which is a heroic amount of beers.
It was a huge mistake.
I got a fight with like a producer.
Yeah, he came out and stood over me.
But he was talking to me.
I'll fuck you up.
What did he think was going to happen, the producer, when he pitched this idea?
I don't know.
The show went exactly how we knew it would.
Yeah, it was a disaster.
Everyone was screaming over each other.
But entertaining.
Everyone was shit-faced.
Everybody that liked Barstool hated me.
Nice.
I woke up the next day with just like a thousand tweets.
Like, fuck this guy.
I got drunk and acted like a dickhead.
I'm remorseful.
Yeah.
But it's great television.
It's great television.
It is pretty entertaining.
I'm wearing a fucking, my face is painted.
Oh, that's what the Eagles say.
Okay.
Yeah.
Have you been in a lot of fights?
Like, have you been in some alcohol-induced no, not since, no, not since I was young.
Used to.
I was a young man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And would you start or would they start?
No, every fight I've ever been in started with me getting punched in the face.
For real.
Me being like, just squeezing a guy.
You got a good chin, huh?
Yeah.
Noel.
Not visibly, but yes.
I didn't mean visibly.
Boxing-wise, metaphorically, yes.
Yeah.
Wait, really?
People were checking you?
Yeah.
You're a big fucking guy.
Yeah, but I'm a big fat guy.
Like, not like, you can't tell.
So, like, somebody would hit me.
Now, were you teasing him?
Were you like it for sure?
Were you just laughing at people?
Because when you do that, it's interior.
When we were playing and you laughed at me, it really changed what was going to happen in my day.
Really?
Yep.
Yep.
Yeah, I got really.
You thought you were so good at FIFA.
Why'd you think that?
You're so bad at it.
Why are you acting like I don't still think that?
He's so bad at it.
Well, he's never lost.
Why are you acting like I still don't think that?
Well, yeah, but in his mind, you know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
Tie!
You know what I'm saying?
Tie!
He didn't tell me how to do penalty kicks.
We never had to go to penalty kicks.
No, it wasn't bullshit.
I didn't know how to do it.
And then with you, you scored one goal, kind of, and then the other one was luck of the draw.
Drugs, FIFA, and Teasing Friends00:15:13
We create our own realities.
That's what's happening.
That laugh right there is why you got punched in the face by Snow.
That laugh right there is my hand balls up when you do that laugh.
Look, you played your heart out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You tried your best.
I got in a lot of fights when I'm younger.
I wonder why.
They always punched me first.
I think you could go two weeks.
I could go two weeks.
But here was the thing.
I was going to do Sober October with those guys because we've got a fucking Skank Fest coming up.
Oh, impossible.
And I'm not doing that sober.
Shout out to Skank Fest, man.
Best comedy festival.
And I was not going to drink today.
You looked at your schedule and you're like, oh, I'm going to have to drink this month.
I'm absolutely going to drink that day.
There's no chance I'm not drinking there.
But what if you supplemented with something else?
Then I'd be doing so.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I did ask that.
Oh, yeah.
I don't think any alcoholics are like, I'm sober.
I do tons of alcohol.
Actually, they all do.
I do tons of heroin.
So many comedian in New York.
It's like, I'm sober.
They're high as fuck.
They're doing cold smoking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not list.
Soder.
Oh, but soda.
I'll throw my best friend onto the bus.
I'll destroy that relationship.
Who cares?
Yeah.
You know?
But more than just weed.
I don't count weed as bad as bad as weed is as bad as alcohol.
Yeah.
But it's also not as fun.
Yeah.
Well, it depends who you are.
Some people have way more fun, dude.
Alcohol is the best.
It is the best drug.
But that is Molly is good.
I mean, Molly was good.
Okay, here's what I'm talking about.
That's a Molly fucking.
What do you like on Molly, dude?
Come on, dude.
There's a whole show about it.
What?
Love on the spectrum.
I promise you.
I promise you, he is the most fun.
True.
I just sit there and go, I want hugs and kisses.
I love hugs and kisses.
Yeah, the alcohol, it is the joy for cost, right?
Like with Molly, I don't know if you, I'm like destroyed for two days after it breaks me emotionally.
But with alcohol, I'm like, ah, maybe I might be a little fucked up the next day, but for how good I feel.
Why?
You don't get depressed after Molly?
No, not really.
Not compared to like a hard alcohol and cocaine night, most depressed.
Oh, but Coke fucks it.
Coke destroys me.
I haven't done that in, it's been weeks.
Are you a psychedelics guy?
No, I did do psychedelics.
Yeah, I like psychedelics.
Mushrooms are nice.
I just did some mushrooms.
Mushrooms seemed fun.
They were great.
Mushrooms are awesome.
I heard if you had a bad mushroom trip, though, you're fucked.
I heard that about mushroom.
And I heard acid, you're like never the same.
You have a bad shit.
I had a pretty negative experience on mushrooms once.
I took like seven grams, which is...
Yeah.
It was, I was on Molly.
Yeah.
I thought it was going to be funny.
That's like 18 Bud Lights in an hour.
That's, yeah, it's worse.
This is much more worse.
I was like, anybody you look at has like multiple eyes and heads and shit.
Like you fully hallucinate.
Yeah.
And then I was like seeing my own death over and over.
How'd you die?
I literally had that.
What did happen to Danny Brown?
I actually had the ego death.
How did it overdose and I'd stop doing Coke?
Oh shit.
Yeah.
It was scary.
Wow.
Laying there and I could see like paramedics shining lights in my eyes and then I would wake up and my friends would be around like, oh fuck, he's dying on the floor.
Yeah, it was terrible.
So how do you know which drug killed you?
I just figured it was Coke.
It could have been scrolls of the liver though.
You know what I mean?
You don't just sit out of nowhere at a party like, ah.
Yo.
That's so crazy that you're like, I'm only going to stop doing one drug.
I realized I'm going to die.
That was the drug.
And fentanyls everywhere.
You just guessed, dude.
That's, yeah, the fentanyls.
I knew it was Coke.
It was scary.
I knew in my heart it was cocaine.
Yeah.
That's what I was doing.
I mean, cocaine sucks.
Every time I do it, I mean, it's fun to do.
Yeah.
It's kind of the most fun doing.
I think you just cut out the drug that you already wanted to cut out.
Yeah, I did.
Yeah.
But I don't do other drugs other than, I don't even do shots.
I drink fucking Bud Light.
No weed?
I hate weed.
You get paranoid?
Yeah, real paranoid.
Yeah, same.
I don't see you as like a psychedelic guy.
Mushrooms are pretty sick.
Yeah, I'm like surprised by that.
Mushrooms in Molly, it seems like universally people enjoy it.
You don't, though.
No, I thought the Molly.
I'm very fucking love, man.
Mushrooms doesn't make anything.
We should do Molly.
Yeah, I told you that about this.
I said that.
I said, let's do Molly on the show.
But have you tried the Tesla pill?
No.
So it's an ecstasy pill.
I've heard about this.
Okay.
We've talked about the past.
I've heard about this.
It's something unbelievable.
Because it's Molly is just the good feeling, but it doesn't have any of the Coke feeling.
The Coke feeling.
So they put just enough in there.
We got some energy.
I want to get the music going.
I want to dance.
Do you dance?
Yeah, I can, I can cut a rubber.
You're a dancer.
So, like, let's, let's have, let's saw me hit that gritty out there.
Son, he did.
Are you sturdy, bro?
No, no, he's very sturdy, and he did it after the victory.
Oh, yeah, which was, which was crushing.
I mean, every time I do Molly, I don't get like, I'm not like sexual at all.
Yeah.
I'm just, it's just nice.
Yeah.
What makes you sexual?
Yeah.
What makes me sexual?
Yeah, yeah.
I just can't see as a sexual god.
I'm not a lotion in the hotel room.
Motion in the hotel room.
It's pornography.
Yeah.
Watching a fucking mom get stuck under a fucking bunch.
Is that your genre?
That's that's yeah.
Stepper, stepper full.
I'll toss it in there.
I'll toss it in full block.
Because that's a big difference in the middle of the day.
I want them to say, my actual son, what are you doing?
Yeah.
Biological son.
What are you doing back there?
But yeah, Molly's, it's great.
Yeah.
We should do it together.
We should have done fucking ecstasy on this one.
Wait a minute.
Hold on.
No.
No.
I got to cancel.
I'd be so happy to cancel.
I'd be so happy to cancel this fucking gym.
I'd be so happy.
We're going to go to the gym.
Look, I need this.
Dude, hold on.
That'd be a good pump.
You'd have a great pump.
Can you imagine doing Deadlift's huge boner?
Just borrowing the dick and then wrapping it back down.
It's like Adderall dick.
You get, like, when I do it, my dick's gone.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
You need to take a literally chill with it.
You can do a body shot out of it.
It's just reverse.
Yes, it's disgusting.
I thought we were.
Did you bring any?
No, I left it burning my wallet.
Why are you angry?
No, I'm just, it's a crazy thing to be like, oh, I forgot my wallet.
Oh, shit, I forgot all that ecstasy.
I think we need to have a night.
Would you just casually do it in the middle of the day?
Like, if it was here, would you?
Fuck no.
Right?
If we all did it right now, I would do it.
Together.
Yeah.
That's God.
Let's do it in the daytime because it's hard to see.
It's way better.
Yeah.
Like dessert you want to share with somebody.
That's like a CrossFit class.
It'd be nice.
Like, let's go through it together.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's also comedians work at night.
So like we could do a podcast high, but you're not going on stage on Molly.
I mean, that was the first time I ever did Molly.
And how was?
I was on stage.
And it was the craziest fucking thing.
Like, so during the pandemic, we would have shows at Helium.
Yeah.
And they were.
Helium was a comedy club at Philly.
Yeah, Philly.
They would let us let me book the show, bring our friends, and then hang out after.
It was the only place we could go to a bar.
So Big Jay would come down every week, and we would, he would bring Molly.
We would all do Molly.
And then it was like me, Norman, and Big Jay in the green room.
And he was like, come on, guys, do it.
And Norman was like, I don't know.
He was so afraid of it.
He was like, I was like, dude, do it, you motherfucker.
Love, love, fill up.
He took it and freaked out and left.
He got on the Chinatown bus back to New York.
He was on Molly on the bus.
Oh, no.
Mark Norman riding the Chinatown bus is the saddest part of that whole thing.
What the fuck are you doing?
I took it after I went because I was hosting the show.
And Jay was like, here, take some.
So I was like, all right, fuck it.
And I took some.
And then while Jay was closing the show, he was like, Shane, come out here.
And I was like, oh, fuck.
And right when he said, Shane, come out here, I just felt a wave of like, and I never did it like that.
So I like felt it.
I was like, oh, like, literally, like, it makes your knees buckle.
Like, I was like, oh, shit.
And he brought me on stage and he was like, I couldn't talk.
I got on stage and I was like, I was like, everybody, I just, I'm on ecstasy right now.
And then they were all like, going crazy.
So I felt that.
And I was like, oh.
I was like, yo.
I was like, dude, that's so nice of you guys.
And then Jay left.
He left me on stage.
Yeah, and I just had to, I couldn't talk.
I literally was like, guys, I have to go.
I'm so sorry.
How long ago was this?
It was first, it was during the pandemic.
It was right when the pandemic closed.
That's the first time we were at Molly.
That was the first time, yeah.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, then we did it every other week.
We did it every other week for like four months.
That's crazy.
I feel like more people from Philly need to do Molly.
I say Philly specifically or like Pennsylvania.
Philly, maybe Boston.
Like there's a blue, like, I think blue-collar people need to do more drugs.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Those places that don't have any problem with addiction, like they should really get into.
Yeah.
Well, don't get addicted to opiates.
Boston.
Get them off opiates.
That's my point.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get them on.
That would help.
God damn.
They are all on opiates.
I don't care if you're dying.
I just want you to be nicer.
Yeah.
Kensington?
Yeah.
I saw, you know, Kensington.
Another Gilly.
Kensington and Allegheny.
Okay, yeah.
This is the area in Philly.
So Gillian Wallow.
You know, Gillian Wallow, Million Dollars Worth of Game podcast.
So they're two Philly dudes.
And he was showing some pictures from fucking.
Dude, I didn't realize what was going on in Kensington.
Kensington's family.
When we were filming these sketches, I would, after we'd be done shooting, it'd be like 1 a.m. and I would just go drive up and down Kensington just to see it every night.
And it is, it's the craziest shit you've ever seen.
It's like an actual, like you're driving up and down, like, damn, somebody actually needs to do something.
Like, this is the Skid Row kind of thing.
It's the worst.
It's the worst place on earth.
Skid Row, the weather is nice, like 75 every day.
This is under a fucking train.
There's an elevated train in the street, so everything's like dark and metal.
Yeah.
And it's just a thousand people nodding off, injecting.
Is it like Hamsterdown?
Yeah.
But even more open.
It's weird.
It's like, I don't know.
I don't know where it is in Philadelphia, but it seems.
It's like North Philly.
Okay.
Yeah.
But it just, it seems like it's like, just imagine an average neighborhood in Manhattan.
You can then YouTube, Kensington.
It's gnarly, dude.
Kensington and Allegheny.
Oh, that's fucked up.
I never knew somebody.
Some guy films it like every day.
And you can watch any time a day.
Like he has like a Twitch stream.
Just go to YouTube and type in Kensington, Allegheny.
Is he making ad money on that?
That's wild.
Maybe.
Yeah, that's wild.
Let's give it back.
So, yeah, I guess Molly might not help them.
But Molly?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Has it always been like that?
Has this area always no?
It was the opioid, the opioid.
So this is last what?
Yeah.
10 years?
Yeah.
Five years?
15 years, yeah.
I never, I didn't know Philly was like that, man.
Philly.
Yeah, KA is like the, it's that, the whole fucking for 10 blocks.
And people live here?
Well, there are kids that always inject.
People open into like sores, dude.
That's the grossest part.
They inject into like wounds in their necks and legs and shit.
Because they run out of veins.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, it's this.
The whole street.
Damn.
Yeah, that legitimately looks like the wire store.
Somebody's making a killing out there.
You'll see, you'll be driving down.
Everyone looks like this.
And then there's just a black dude standing there.
You're like, yeah, motherfucker.
Yeah, dude.
I don't want a profile or anything.
I mean, you seem a little bit.
I mean, Skid Row's crazier.
No, but I promise it's not.
We're going to compare.
We're really going to compare, Dove.
Geez, just let bad things be bad.
Nah, let's compare.
He does this moral superiority thing recently.
He's doing moral with the fucking not doing porn.
Just in general.
Yeah, I hate that.
You'll be trying to make a joke and be like, oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
People are poor or whatever the fuck.
It just sucks all of them.
He defends the poor a lot.
Yeah.
Yes, dude.
For they will inherit the kingdom of heaven.
Yeah.
Come on, bro.
How do you feel about Meek?
They got a fucking duck.
He's one of my favorite rappers.
Nice.
He's going to inherit their.
Yeah, they got a duck.
That's awesome.
These guys seem like that park.
They do like open injection.
Or not open, they give them like safe needles and all this shit.
So they're like ice cream trucks.
They'll like pull up.
Every one of them goes to the park and injects at the same time.
It's pretty wild.
They're having fun.
Look at that.
It's every train stop.
Yes.
I mean, that's crazy.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah, this is just someone should do something.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
No one's doing anything.
It's a real opportunity for a Gillian Keepskitch, I think.
I should end up down there, not do heroin, just Bud Light.
Sit down there with them like, yeah, life's tough.
You're on an episode of Soft White Underbelly?
They're like, what happened to you, man?
Just kept doing podcasts.
Fucked.
What was our bottom for you, dude?
What happened?
The fucking bars door.
Barstool cancer.
Oh, fuck, dude.
Yeah, I mean, this is kind of brutal.
Yeah.
In Vancouver, they're doing safe fentanyl exchanges.
Bring no Vancouver has an actual like three-block radius where it's legal.
It actually is Amsterdam.
But not only legal, like you bring the.
Although, what is a fentanyl exchange?
So you bring in the cheap shit, and the government that gets the clean fentanyl.
You agree to like at least have a consultation with the nurses, et cetera.
And it's like, it's really serving like, there's junkies that can actually survive off this shit over the last decades, like old school junkies.
It's like the cheap shit that someone just, you know, it's what, a thousand times or a hundred times stronger than heroin.
That's what's not going to happen.
Fentanyl is, right?
Yeah.
I mean, that's crazy, bro.
Yeah, I don't know the, I don't know the fix for this.
I don't know.
It's, yeah.
Maybe comedy?
Probably it's comedy.
Like, maybe if you did like a bringer show down there.
After.
But after it really heals all the medication.
It is the best medicine.
Yeah.
It's true.
Better than any drug.
They would love it.
Tell them that.
Like, hey, you guys like medicine?
Have you ever?
Well, no, but like, like, I've done like AA shows and like NA shows because I didn't drink for like years.
And the audiences were the best because one, they're used to listening to boring stories because of all the AA meetings, right?
So they're great attention span.
And then two.
That's so funny that they're boring stories to you.
And these guys are up there like, my kids won't speak to me anymore.
We lost the house.
And he's like, that's not funny.
No, I never went to the meetings, but the stage.
And then also, you can't offend them.
Like, the people in the NA have done the craziest shit for drugs.
I bet you can offend them.
Bro, it is.
You weren't trying hard enough, dude.
I wasn't.
Say, hey, are you an alcoholic pussy?
I bet you that would suck.
You fucking bitch.
Oh, you can't drink or you're addicted to alcohol.
I'm a drug drunk.
Offensive Stories on Stage00:02:12
Yeah.
Like, that would offend them for sure.
Like, that's really offensive.
I mean, are we cracking more, Shane, or what?
Yeah.
You know, what, did you finish that one yet?
Yeah.
You want a little help or whatever?
Are there more AA shows?
I want to do one.
Well, now.
I'll be at a couple.
I'm going to add it there.
Shane's like, is there a two-drink minimum?
What's going on?
I'll be shit-faced just like this guy's.
I used to be good at this.
Yeah, sure, buddy.
All right, let's go.
Big Daisy energy tickets.
Actually, first of all, let me say thank you to everybody who came out to Good Nights in Raleigh.
It was crazy.
We performed Hurricane Ian was sliding through.
We had to cancel one show, and so many people still showed up to the 1030 show.
It was fucking amazing.
It was awesome.
One of the best shows we've ever had.
Thank you so much to everybody who came through.
I was amazed that you guys showed that kind of love.
Also, upcoming dates, October 6th through 8th this week.
I'm going to be at the improv in Pittsburgh, October 14th and 15th next week.
I'm going to be at Virginia Beach, Virginia.
Again, nothing remarkable about each of these cities.
Don't pretend you have better things to do.
October 27th through 29th, Philly Helium Comedy Club.
That's a cool city.
You got things to do, but you're all miserable.
So why don't you just come laugh at Helium Comedy Club?
Also, quick announcement before we get back to the show.
The improv shows we have in December have been postponed.
We will get a new date and I will get it to you.
I know a bunch of you bought tickets already, but we will find a new date for you guys for the three shows I named and the rest of the shows for the Big Dancy Energy Tour this year.
Go to akashsing.com, get your tickets before they sell out, and let's get back to the show.
Do you have rules of how drunk you'll be on a show?
I mean, are you ever sober when you go?
Andrew and Avi Sahakash.
Sober.
Sober on a show.
Oh, no, I'm not sure.
Doing stand-up?
Yeah.
I usually don't drink before a show.
Oh, good for you.
I like that.
I'll have like one or two during.
That's good.
During the show.
That's why.
Three show nights.
By the late show, I'll have a couple.
So I'll have one or two.
There we go.
I'll have one or two.
I'll have one before.
Yep.
Usually.
Yep.
Which for you at your size, that's not much.
It's nothing.
Okay, okay.
And then one or two on stage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then maybe one or two in between.
And then so then the late show, I'll be like six, seven days.
You're slurring.
Which is, you know, the way this story started is I don't drink on stage.
Drinking Rules for Live Shows00:07:53
Yeah, I know.
And I'm seven years more than I do.
Before shows.
Now, before late shows.
First show.
Before first show.
Yeah, before first show, which is good.
I feel like you just told us, I don't drink at 4 p.m.
That's what he told us.
Yeah.
Basically.
Okay, hypothetical.
Your mom is kidnapped.
Okay.
Some guy says, hey, in order to free her, you have to beat me at a drinking game.
What is your go-to game to free your mother?
I would case race.
If somebody's life was on the line, I could put down a lot.
Mom or dad, who would you say first?
Dad.
Right, though?
Right, though.
Stop.
Right, though.
She's going to be.
She'll watch this.
No.
She should have done better.
That's, you know, that's what I think.
My mom was great, but like all women, she got older and is just out of her fucking mind.
Really?
Beating my mom for no reason.
No, my mom's great.
And I don't know.
That is a tough one.
Dude, but you kind of love dad more.
No, I don't want to say that.
But what are you thinking, though?
Like, what's in your heart and head?
I'm done.
Because my mom watches, and I love my mom.
I watch.
Oh, yeah.
Your mom commented on one of those.
I'm going to say my dad.
Okay.
Yeah.
But what's the cash?
Because you like your dad more than your mom.
Yep.
Okay.
No, you can't say that.
He did a better job.
You can't say that.
How did he do better?
He just fucking killed me.
Your mom's listening to this.
She's probably going to comment.
No, I love my mom and she's amazing.
She comments.
She did a few times.
There was one episode called Schultz's Mom's Jugs.
Yeah.
And she commented.
What did she say?
I know.
You guys are crazy.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
So she was like, you guys are crazy.
No, you're like that.
He was like, nice.
Dude, this is crazy.
You guys are talking about my jugs.
This is like you in a hotel room with a lotion, bro.
Your mom's jugs?
Yeah, I would.
Yeah.
Do a case race with those?
My dad, but my dad's on limited time.
I think he'll die before my mom.
Well, statistically.
You know?
So I'm saving him to keep him for like six more years.
Any sickness?
I don't want to jinx him on that.
Yeah.
He's got cancer every fucking 10 minutes.
Oh, really?
He gets skin cancer daily.
Really?
You'll see.
He won't tell me either.
He'll show up to like, I'll see him at like a family party.
He'll have a scoop out of his fucking head.
What the fuck is that?
He's like, Baskin Robbins.
Yeah, dude.
Chunk out of his nose.
31 flavors.
Shut up to Eastern Miss.
They like replaced it with like thighs.
He's got like a white part of his nose.
It's like, damn, what happened to you?
He's like, fucking it's cancer.
What?
I was like, tell me, dude.
That's kind of a double whammy, dude.
It just totally is like.
You got to lose it from your nose and your thigh.
Every once in a while, he'll be nice.
Like he'll call me and be like, what's going on?
Like the last couple of weeks, he's been calling me.
He misses me.
Yeah, yeah.
And so I'm getting worried.
Yeah.
I was going to say that.
He's going to call me to be like, what's going on?
Where are you?
What the fuck do you want?
Yeah.
How often do you go to the middle?
My dad phone calls and doesn't immediately go to the house car.
That's a problem.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The nose thing is, but look, yeah, I respect it.
It's like, I'm not going to be a burden on anybody.
He's a skin cancer.
He doesn't tell anyone.
He should have Prostate cancer, but that was our you can get that.
He got that done.
Yeah, yeah, he's fine right now.
Did they go in him?
Hold on.
Did he have an issue with that?
Uh, I don't know.
I don't know.
I didn't talk to him.
Can you go, like, hey, how'd they find out there's something?
Apparently, it was pretty gross, though, because he told one story my mom told was like, in while the nurse was talking, he was like, you better get a bigger, bigger catheter.
He was like, making sex jokes.
And then he was like, they're like, is it still going to work?
And he's like, oh, yeah, it still works.
Like, he said that at dinner.
I was like, God damn, dude.
Disgusting.
My dad's bragging about boners.
Anyway, where's that controller?
Let me see that.
Where's that fucking control?
Okay, then you were saying the latest ones.
No, that was it.
He had no, he started calling you and being nice.
Oh, he's being nice.
I'm just predicting.
Yeah.
Still doesn't say, I love you, which is funny.
Has he ever said it?
Occasionally.
But it's never like, hang up the phone, like, I love you.
You guys got to do Molly together.
Oh, fuck.
That would be awesome.
Imagine that.
One last time.
That would be so nice.
What would he mean?
65.
He's all right.
No, for you before you die.
So cool.
Like, you're six month lights away.
Marf, quick on him.
What happens on stage?
Dude, that would be good, man.
I mean, when he got Molly with your dad would be funny.
100%.
But what if he got horny?
What if he was like, son?
Hold on.
That's a different genre.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Steph, why are you stuck in the washing machine?
Like, what is even happening right now?
This is so weird.
I would do Molly with my dad.
That'd be really nice.
And he would, I think he would do it.
I think you need it.
You need to give them the opportunity to get those emotions out that they've had bottled up.
Yeah.
He takes a multivitamin.
Like, you can just pop when people do Molly.
They're like, holy shit, how have I not been doing this?
Yeah.
Not like, I guess that's.
No, no, promote it.
Every time.
Say killingkeeves.tv.
Yeah.
Try Molly.
Molly.
Go to Blogger.
Go to Kensington.
They'll hook you up.
For cheap, huh?
Watch out.
They're going to get you.
They're going to give you a bad thing.
You're going to die for certain.
No, I think it's, yeah, I think it's value, especially for like older folks that are oppressed.
Was your dad in a war?
I kind of want to see it.
No.
What?
What?
He actually tries to molly with my dad.
No, for real business.
They're going through something that's made them so bottled up they can't share a single fucking emotion, and that's got to be.
They weren't allowed to have emotions, maybe that until like 1998 and like so.
Okay so my, my dad, they are kind of right about.
I don't mean to cut you off no no no, you can.
The older generation is correct.
Dudes with emotions, fucking shut up.
Look at, look at you.
Look how emotional you've been today.
You've been sharing so many great things, very emotional.
I'm an emotional guy, so you're embarrassed.
Do the one emotion that you do, really do the one.
Oh dude, that was beautiful bro.
He's got two.
There's a loud noise outside.
You have a soft blankie in your hand.
You're good at that.
I am not.
You're a good actor, damn bro.
But yeah, that's you.
I want to see it.
I want to.
I want to see them.
I want to see them.
Let loose a little bit and uh, I think, I think it's good for them to do.
Dude, how difficult would it be to get our parents on here and all do ecstasy?
No, I could get my mom to do it.
Actually, it might be a health risk not, you know, it increases your, your heart rate right, your heart rates.
Yeah, I don't think my dad, I don't think my dad can't Tesla's like dude.
If you guys didn't kill all your parents, i'm still doing ad reads, just fine, No, they're not.
You better help me.
I got the parents on.
So we're gonna help as a guided meditation with therapists.
That's like, that's what people do if they really want to figure out.
These houses.
Let's go to a fucking house.
Let's get a cabin.
Yeah.
And you do it.
You drink some beers.
You take some molly.
Listen to fun music.
Yeah.
No girls.
Just guys.
Yeah.
All our dads.
A couple guys in our mouths.
You know what I mean?
Just hanging out.
Whoa.
Yeah.
You never know what happens.
If you suck my dad at the cabin, I'm going to be pissed.
Whoa.
You better not suck my fucking dad.
I would actively try to suck your dad's shit.
Shane's dad's gay.
I just blew that fucker.
You can trick him into it.
He was going to let me go.
Just checking for skin cancer.
That's all.
A little melanoma on the tip.
Cabin Hangouts and Dad Jokes00:13:41
Okay, before we hit Felix L. Fax, I think we have to discuss some picks.
Shane already has his gambling app open.
Yeah.
I just want to check the lines this week.
Put money on the Bucs thinking they would win for the Hurricane Victory.
I did not think.
I didn't care about him.
I did not think that would happen.
Yesterday I did good, though.
What'd you do?
Actually, never mind.
I lost on the Giants.
Oh, no.
This is New York.
You put money on the Bears?
I was in Arizona when I placed my bets.
I got the Eagles and the Eagles over.
I got Wake Forest Moneyline.
A lot of guys didn't see that coming.
Wake at Florida State.
Not a big deal.
I got that.
How much do you put down?
That one I put.
Or do you limit the amount that you'll gamble?
Yeah, I usually don't gamble a lot.
Like I put $200 or $520 on Wake Forest Moneyline.
And I won $1,500.
Now, total in the weekend.
So yesterday I only put two bets.
I put $100 on the Eagles spread and $100 on the over.
So I bet $200.
Actually, you know what?
Never mind.
I bet $500 on the blocks.
When I got home, I was like, you know what?
Fuck you.
You don't drink before shows.
I don't drink on planes either.
I got home.
I was like, put it all on the bottom.
Okay, so 2,000 a week tops you'll put down?
Yeah, not even.
What's your biggest one, though?
What's your biggest like?
You know what sucks?
In Vegas, I tried to put $10,000 on fucking Nate Diaz.
Wow.
One and the fucking because I couldn't, my card wouldn't do it.
My ATM was like, my banks.
You can't just take $10,000.
I had to call it.
It just was a whole rigmarole.
And what would you have won?
He was slight underdogs.
Slight underdogs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Probably double down.
$1,100.
Yeah.
$11,000?
$12,000.
First, shout out to Nate.
First one, have you spoken to him about what the next plan is?
Can you give us a question?
I haven't.
I haven't.
I love that you guys.
I'm not close.
I'm not close.
No.
Stop it.
No.
You're not best friends, but you guys have acquaintances outside of.
I don't want to keep going on podcasts and be like, me and Nate Diaz are friends.
I don't want him to think that I'm out here.
Don't say that you're friends, but you guys have hung out.
So you know Nate outside of TV and fighting.
Like you know him just as a guy.
Yes.
And what you've said to me is the best guy.
I think he's the best dude I've seen again.
I go on podcasts and suck this dude's dick.
He's such a psychic.
No, he doesn't.
I'm sure because everybody talks shit.
They make fun of him.
They have little jokes.
Nobody's going, I've hung out with him.
And he is the real fucking deal.
He's the only dude that, like, he's the only famous dude that I've seen that actively will like, if you're, I'm not advocating this, but like, if he, if people are around and they're like, can we get a picture?
He's like, oh, yeah, hell yeah.
Like, immediately.
Yeah.
Like, no hesitation.
Yeah.
He's out having fun with everybody.
Like the first time I met him, one of his friends, McDermott, what up?
Shout it.
He brought me to hang out with him.
Yeah.
And right when I got to the bar, they were about to shotgun some beers.
And Nate was like, he never met me.
And he was like, hold on, hold on.
Get him one.
Like, he stopped every, like, it was crazy.
Yeah, he's the man.
That's the nicest dude possible.
Yeah.
Every other famous person would be like, fucking another fat fucking idiot.
He was just like, get him another drink.
So there's this moment.
I don't know if you watched like the, there's a moment where he's in the, I think it was Megan Olivi, I think is her name.
And he's talking with Megan this after the final final contract.
He's like rock shoes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, he's trashing the rock shoes.
Shout out to Rock.
The rock is a man, but he's also.
Shout out to The Rock.
Shout out to Rock.
But he's doing, but he's, he's, I don't know.
It's the weirdest thing.
Like, it was the first time I saw like his, I want to say like true personality come out.
Yeah.
He almost feels like, I don't know, like he's, he's more reserved in the press conferences and all these other things.
Like this was him being goofy.
Like he was being silly.
It seems like after fights, like he was being funny after that fight.
Yes.
And then did you see them when somebody asked him about Kamzat?
Someone was like, what'd you think of that?
He was like, pussy.
Yeah.
Scared.
I won.
I'm one and no.
Yeah, But you can tell he's sitting up there like, this is funny.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah, yeah.
He's, yeah, he's the fucking man.
It's one of those things.
I think the reason why like people are curious, or at least the least reason why I'm curious when I saw you guys hanging, is that like oftentimes you meet people that are famous and you're kind of like let down.
Yeah.
And every once in a while you meet somebody famous and you're like, oh, this guy is the fucking truth.
Yeah.
And he is.
Yes, dude.
Every time I'm like, there's a girl at the cellar that's like obsessed with him.
Yeah.
So I like texted him.
I was hammered and I was like, I wouldn't do this otherwise.
I was drunk.
I was like, fuck it.
I'll text Nate.
It's like, dude, will you FaceTime real quick?
This girl fucking loves you.
And I was like, a minute later, he didn't respond.
And I text him.
I was like, I'm so fucking gay for asking.
Fuck, I suck so bad.
It ruined my night.
I was just like, fuck, dude.
But then he FaceTimed me and I was like, oh, shit, hold on.
And I held it up.
And she was like, yeah.
And he was like, yo.
What's up?
What's going on?
Like, he was just, also, he got me for the impression.
Oh, really?
We went out to dinner.
That's how I know they're watching.
People are watching.
Yeah, yeah.
I think I might have did his impression on Rogan and he was like, we're in the middle of dinner.
He's like, I don't sound like that.
And I was just like, how scared were you in that?
I was like, agreed.
100%.
I have not done it since, dude.
I'll bleep it.
We got to bleep that, bro.
We got to bleep.
Yo, I don't sound like that.
I was just like, yeah, dude, definitely.
Yeah.
Dude, he does it in every day.
Like, yo.
It's so nice.
No, it's great.
It's refreshing when they're eyeing this shit.
Yeah, it was crazy to also like to slightly know him and then watch him fight.
I was like, I was in there.
I felt like a wife.
Wait, you were there?
Yeah, I was cave side.
I was with Rogan.
That's right.
I was right up front.
What was sick is he got done.
We were at the after party and he was like, I saw you sitting up front, Shane Gillis.
I was like, damn, dude, you saw me during the fight.
He's been like, wow, he's fighting.
He's like, oh, that's shame.
I don't know why he won, dude.
He was like, I don't fuck with this.
I'm not going to lose.
Yeah.
After party.
After party.
Wobbling around at all.
What do they look like after a fight?
He was fine.
Really?
Yeah, he was fine.
Yeah, I don't think he didn't take too many big.
It was the leg kicks.
Yeah, he got some leg kicks.
So I'm wondering if he's like, dude, he took that one.
I was like, oh, fuck.
Yeah.
He like limped on it.
He made that look easy, though.
Yeah.
I couldn't believe that.
Yeah.
Ferguson's wild.
Yeah, wow.
Ferguson's a wild boy.
Wow, boy.
Ferguson might be a wild boy trying some drugs.
I don't know.
He's not ayah.
He looks like he's trying stuff out.
Yeah.
Did you see that?
I just watched a video of him like kicking a metal pole in his house.
Holy shit.
Striking that shin bone.
That's a terrifying guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like you stub your toe and it's like the worst 10 seconds of your life.
This guy's kicking a metal pole.
Yeah.
With the sunglasses on.
Yeah.
The hair and the insane sunglasses.
Sick foha.
Terrifying, dude.
That guy's fucking from the future, bro.
That's what it feels like.
He's from the future.
If we were in the 90s, we were like, What's the future?
How's that future going to be?
He's a T1000, basically.
Yeah, for real.
He's kicking metal.
Even his captions, do you follow him on Instagram?
No, I don't.
I got a specialist.
They're phenomenal.
What are they?
He doesn't really spell words.
He'll spell them with emojis in them.
Hell yeah.
And throw random things.
Yeah.
He reminds me of the kid in high school that would run to class.
You know what I mean?
That would have his backbone and just sprint there with his hands behind his back.
And then he just started fucking people up.
It's insane that he just figured that out.
Yeah.
He would be, yeah, he's a problem.
Do you think you could take Nate though?
Like, if you guys were drunk?
If I could, could I take Nate?
But if you guys are both kind of drunk after a fight, you start talking some shit?
Definitely.
Yeah.
Dude.
You start talking about it.
It would be over so sad and fast.
So sad.
It would be so sad.
Have you hung out Nick at all?
No.
Never.
No.
I'm curious about Nick.
Everybody seems very rev, you know, they hold him in pretty high regard.
Yo, that's one thing I really respect about Nate is like through Nate's success, he's always shouting out.
Every time.
Yeah.
Like Nick Diaz army.
The GOAT.
Nick Diaz's army.
Nick Diaz army.
This guy's the goat.
Like, yeah, I wonder what that is.
That whole crew is tight-knit.
They're great.
Yeah.
And they look like they're not, they don't look like you would imagine.
They're unassuming?
They're totally unassuming.
I mean, like, with, you know, I don't want to be gay.
Their shirts off.
I'm sure you can tell.
I've thought about it.
I've pictured every one of them.
They're not going to like me.
Oh, no.
It's so weird.
I get like, yeah.
I don't want to stop.
Coolest famous person you met.
Easily.
Yeah.
He was a guy, like, I was a fan of his before.
Yeah.
Like a big fan.
Yeah, yeah.
And then he lived up to it.
He lived.
He's better than most people I've just played with.
He's like a cool dude.
But then I'm always.
I'm going to see what happens.
Then I'm always like, I'm always like, oh, they're going to think I suck.
Yeah.
And you'll say that to them?
I'll say that to the one dude.
Like, what do you say?
Tim McDermott.
I'll text him and be like, fuck, I asked Nate if he wanted to hang out.
I look like a fucking idiot.
Fuck, dude.
The whole crew's not going to like me anymore.
They don't even know who the fuck I am.
They just keep seeing me drunk at parties.
Like, yeah.
I think he thinks you're a make-a-wish, dude.
I really do.
I really think that.
Seeing me front row, he must have been like, oh, shit, that guy is fucking retarded.
That guy that keeps showing up at parties is retarded.
He's like, die already, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, Nate's the fucking name.
That's funny.
Yeah, that comes out fight.
That would have been scary.
What do you think?
Comes out scary.
You know, he's, wait, you saw him.
That's right.
When you saw him on the undercard.
Oh, so it was like.
I thought it was kind of, I mean, yeah, protect yourself at all times, but like the fake hand touch that was go.
I thought that was kind of cool.
That was especially knowing the guy's coming up and wait to fight you.
He's trying to be a bad guy, and he's, I don't think he's built for it.
Yeah.
He seems like he wants to be liked.
Yeah.
So he's trying to be a bad guy.
Yeah, being okay being a bad guy is super fucking rare.
Yeah.
I don't think I know anybody like that.
Jake Paul.
Jake, yeah.
That's his.
He's like this amazing and Mayweather.
Mayweather.
In my life, you think of all the people you know, everybody wants to be liked.
Yeah, people are not going to be able to do it.
Those guys are saying trying to touch gloves.
Oh, but now he's after the chief.
That was after Ortiz head-butted him.
I know, but.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, included, you fucking jerk.
And Ortiz was also just doing it because the crowd started booing it and he didn't want to be disliked.
So he was being a little bit of a bitch.
And then he tried to photo's like, fuck that.
That's actually a fight we never talked about.
Mayweather and Deji.
Yeah, I can't.
That's a sad thing.
It's even happening.
That's a sad fucking thing.
What's that?
Who's Deji?
Deji is his YouTuber, KSI's brother.
He fought on this.
KSI is a YouTube guy.
Yeah, he's massive.
He's like...
He's huge.
He started the YouTube boxing trend.
Him and Logan Paul kicked it off.
Yeah.
And that was a close match, right?
Yeah, both fights.
Wasn't that a good fight?
Yeah, yeah.
That's all I know about.
I heard it was the KSI guy.
I always called him Sy.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a Gangnam style.
That's Gangnam Style.
That's the Korean.
Yeah, He's great.
Yeah, he is great.
I love those guys.
But Mayweather's fighting fucking.
He's fighting.
He's fighting Deji.
And I don't know.
Yeah.
Are you less impressed with this than like when he fights some random dude in Korea or Japan or something?
Mayweather.
He's fought random guys before, and Deji's less random than those guys.
Somehow, this is my assumption.
My assumption is there's a big-time guarantee.
And Mayweather goes, you have to hit this number.
I'll do an exhibition for 20 million.
Crack it open.
I'll do an exhibition.
We're just doing three and then we're going to the gym.
Three, and then I have to, I actually have to go to the gym.
What are you hitting at Assault Bike?
I have a fucking trainer.
So you have no idea.
So whatever he's got.
You wearing this?
Yeah, I'll wear this.
Instead of like a Mexican playing fucking bass.
That guy's the best fucking guy.
If you go to a soccer field to see a Mexican in jeans, you're getting fucked up.
Yeah, yeah.
No, basketball's the best because they play like seven on four.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's no rules.
No one can play.
Yeah, it's the best.
But yeah, I think it's just like Maylor is like, yo, it's 20 million for me to show up.
I'll fight whoever.
I don't give a fuck.
We'll call it an exhibition, but it's 20 million guaranteed cash.
I don't even think he cares about like sharing the fucking Japanese, dude.
Twice.
There's another two different ones.
This is more embarrassing to me somehow.
You know, when celebrities will like do random international commercials that you never see?
Yeah.
And you're just like, all right, whatever.
It's some fucking money.
It's your money.
I don't know what's your money.
How are you mad at that?
Because everybody's going to watch this.
And I also think he's going broke.
If you're Floyd and you make hundreds of millions of dollars fighting Connor McGregor and you need another however many million here, 10 total, you're going broke.
Promoting your fucking strip club on IG.
I just refuse to believe this guy's making.
I don't know if he's going broke, but I do think it's hard for him to turn down guaranteed $20 million.
No promo.
Didn't Logan say he owes him millions of dollars already?
Yeah.
So he's just a scumbag businessman like everybody else.
Like Trump.
You're not saying he's black Trump from any of the hedge funds.
Like, I don't know who Mayweather is.
No, Dr. Umar Johnson is black Trump.
Yeah.
No way.
Nah, nah.
Of course I know who Dr. I'm very interested in.
I'm trying to get Dr. Suleiman.
I'm very tapped into this.
No interracial marriage.
He's like, I like this guy.
Write that down.
He's on to something.
Philly educated.
Dr. Umar.
Yes.
Yeah.
And where's the school?
Is the school in Pennsylvania?
No, I guess I'm not as tapped in as I wanted, but yes, it's probably in North Philly.
I heard he's building one in Harrisburg.
Fuck.
Oh, is it?
Is it?
No, that's where it's.
That's where she is.
Can you imagine?
See, you guys forget every podcast.
I was supposed to do a fucking podcast tomorrow.
I thought it was.
Charlemagne Handout and Talent00:04:45
Sorry, I checked my phone, but are we boring you?
I forgot that podcast.
I'm going to call him and say, oh, shit, that's call him right now.
But when you call him now that you know it's tomorrow, you don't have to go and be a phony.
I was walking, but now you have coffee.
It's not for me.
I like to call people when I'm walking.
You don't even need to call him because it's been confirmed that you have a podcast.
You have the confidence.
I know he did the right thing.
He texted me and said, we're good for tomorrow.
Oh, yeah.
You haven't missed out.
Why didn't you text?
I didn't text you.
Let's look at our text.
I didn't text you.
We were texting about this.
Because you knew.
That's the thing.
He's used to the confirmation text.
No, because we already confirmed.
Did we confirm?
He was going to come back.
Are you going to be back in time from Phoenix?
And you're like, yeah, yeah, I'll be back.
We should do ecstasy.
Ha ha.
Yeah.
See?
Real discussions.
The last thing we talked about was: I said, John can't come.
And that was it.
That was the last thing.
I said, John can't come, October 3rd.
You said the N-word.
Then I said, Neighbor.
Oh, wow.
And then you said, connect us on text.
And then you and me and John texted that John was gay.
Yes, we did that.
And that was how it ended.
Yeah.
And I was on the road and I wasn't really thinking about it.
And then today, when I was walking to get coffee, I was like, oh, shit, I forgot I might be doing that.
So I called you.
Yeah.
You just trying to make this boring or what's the goal?
Well, I just want to prove my innocence.
Listen, John McKeever, you're a talented motherfucking man, and we wish you had you on the podcast.
Unfortunately, you're too busy for us, but I am annoyed that he's not here.
I am annoyed too.
While everybody does know how brilliant you are, and I do mean brilliant.
I mean this, and I know you hate it when I say it, but it's important that it's said.
I know you hate it, but you are fucking brilliant.
But McKeever is also brilliant.
No, you're going to need that.
This is going to be a fucking little, and he deserves his shout-outs too.
McKeever writes, directs, edits.
Yeah, well, you both write.
And we actually tell these ideas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But hold, take an idea.
Like, he'll take that joke and be like, he's really talented at the genre.
Yeah.
Yeah, McKeever, monster.
I know why you were mad about the phone call.
Why, why?
Because you felt like I was like, oh, great.
I got to do this podcast.
Yeah, I did feel that.
And in your mind, you're doing me a big favor.
No, I don't think I'm doing it.
Yeah, you're doing me a huge fucking business.
No, no, not in your mind.
In the world's mind.
McKeever, we love you.
That's what you were mad about.
Yes.
You were like, I was like, what's up, dude?
No, he's not taking this seriously.
But I don't think that I'm doing it.
You know, is that podcast today?
You're like, yeah, it is.
Yes.
Yeah, it is today.
That is, that is.
I am giving you a handout today.
No, not a handout.
I am giving you a fucking handout.
Not a handout.
I'm shitting right now.
You're going to call me.
I'm giving you a handout.
You called me during the ballad.
You were fucking a piece of shit.
You were being a piece of shit.
No, you were a friendly guy.
Oh, that was awesome.
Oh, that pod is today?
Yeah, it's a podcast.
It's called That Pod.
I said, are we doing the podcast today?
No, yeah.
No, no.
You said, are we doing that pod today?
The podcast, dude.
Yeah, you go, the one with you called him Charlemagne.
I was like, Charlamagne as Charlemagne.
Oh.
Yeah, exactly.
And I was like, no, it's not even that one.
Like the first Holy Roman Emperor.
No.
All right.
No.
He did pick it because of Charlemagne, right?
800.
Look it up.
800 AD.
Google it, dog.
I might be wrong.
It might be 500.
No, it's 800 AD.
I think it's 800.
Yeah.
No.
Charlemagne the ruler.
You can just type in Charlemagne, dude.
Not 800.
No, no, no, no.
If you type in Charlemagne on Google, it knows I'm texting you.
It's from Charlemagne the God's bigger than it knows.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
What a bum that old Emperor was, huh?
Well, what is interesting is that it's spelled differently.
Okay.
Yeah.
So Charlotte spelled with an A.
He spelled it.
Watch those previous searches.
Charlemagne Gay, question mark.
Okay.
See?
Now go with the Holy Roman Emperor, whatever you claim.
What year?
774.
He was anointed.
768.
Reigned 768 through 814.
Yeah, you kind of.
I got it.
I know when he was.
Oh, he died 814.
That's.
Yeah, but 800.
See when he was.
That's when you count it.
Well, see when he was announced as the Holy Roman Emperor.
Damn.
Guys, it's the almost.
No one in this room could have said 800.
Maybe you.
Thank you.
What do you mean?
You would have never.
Look at that.
And the first Emperor of the Romans from 800.
He was announced as the Emperor of the Romans in 800.
No.
Yes.
No, dude.
Why are you saying no?
I'm reading.
I'm sorry, dude.
I'm reading.
Okay, you don't have to show off, dude.
Yeah, see.
And he divorced Luftgaard in fucking 800, too.
As soon as he got announced as emperor, he got rid of his fucking jeans.
He cheese up, bro.
He divorced his lady when he got announced.
Holy Roman Emperor Announcement00:01:01
That's something that's a good thing.
Yeah.
It's kind of impressive, actually.
I'm having fun now.
Yeah, now you are.
Listen, let's wrap up this podcast.
Listen, Shane Gillis, make sure you go check out GillianKeeves.tv tonight.
Make sure you buy that.
We're all by it.
We're all watching it.
Shane, you know, I fucking love you.
I think you're absolutely brilliant.
I mean that sincerely.
I think you're fucking so talented.
And I'm glad that the internet has given you an opportunity to show people how fucking talented you are and make their decision for themselves about you.
And it looks like it's worked out.
And I know this is tough for you to hear, but it makes me really happy when you get articles written about you in the fucking New Yorker saying, like, yo, this guy's the fucking truth.
And I think that you are doing amazing things.
And I wish you the most success.
I know.
If you think about it getting fired off SNL, probably the best thing that ever happened.