Joe Rogan and Andrew Schulz dissect everything from moose hunts and polar bear attacks to the "stoned ape theory" linking mushrooms to human evolution. They debate boxing legends like James Toney, analyze UFC knockout power, and explore conspiracy theories ranging from Christianity's psychedelic origins to Bob Lazar's Area 51 claims. Amidst heavy marijuana use and discussions on Neuralink, the hosts reflect on comedy's role as temporary insanity and question whether civilization will survive the next two decades without technological intervention or societal collapse. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Overcomplicated Podcast Steaks00:07:48
That's why you need to have some of this.
It's done after this.
Yeah, it's more like an upset.
I am not interested in being around grizzly bears.
The bear caught up to the moose and broke its back.
Just fucking giant beast just running through the camp.
It's literally like a machine that crushes moose bones.
Okay.
That polar bear smells that man's meat.
Have you ever been to a furry convention?
Oh.
You think you've been to talk about?
She got some crazy things.
What?
Don't you do it.
This is what it looks like.
My man does not give a fuck.
They're real good at stomping.
You're going to stomp the fucking shit.
Come here, buddy.
Oh, my God.
This is my most fun podcast ever.
What's up, everybody?
And welcome to Flagrant.
First guest app.
You know, we had to start out with a banger.
He is the only Joe that should be running this country.
Okay.
He is a man with a leg kick so hard he could snap Lizzo's thigh.
Wow.
You've seen him on NBC.
You've seen him on UFC.
You've seen him on TRT.
He is the man, okay?
Stone cold, stuck in Austin himself.
It is Joe Rogan, everybody.
It's officially in the motherfucking building.
Let's go.
My brother.
You guys have overcomplicated the podcast.
You had a good thing going on.
You guys had a fucking normal, simple thing.
You're like, no, no, we need wireless mics.
We need introductions.
We need 10 minutes of silence before we go so we can get dead air time.
I walked out of the bathroom and Joe's just going, there's really no need for all this.
Podcasting is better.
It's better.
You've overcomplicated things.
You have.
Yeah.
We have.
Well, everybody wanted to be on the tonight show, so you made your own tonight show.
Look at this.
For you.
You got fucking stage lighting and shit.
This is hilarious.
But you kind of did this.
That's the thing.
But I didn't do that.
He's just doing that so you don't think it's a bad idea anymore.
Exactly.
This is your fault.
He doesn't mean that.
He said.
He has done.
This is all you.
I didn't do any of this.
Yeah, he did nothing.
He did absolutely nothing.
No responsibility whatsoever.
Joe, we have a little bit of a debate that needs to be settled.
Oh.
Because the last time we all hung out, Mark was with us after the fight.
You remember we went to the fight?
In Phoenix.
In Phoenix.
And we sat down at a great steak restaurant.
They didn't shit for this, first off.
And you did.
You were a fish or something?
No, no, no.
What we thought could be worse.
Okay, we're sitting down.
You get the tomahawk.
Yes.
Okay.
Everybody else looks at the menu and they look at the most expensive thing and they go, I'll just do one below that out of respect for Joe, who's going to pay for this dinner, as you always do.
Oh.
I see.
What are you doing?
Mark!
Why are you doing this?
It's sitting like this.
It goes, Joe, and then Mark.
And then Joe goes, oh, the tomahawk.
And then Mark doesn't even wait for the waiter to come over.
He goes, double it up.
Run it back.
I trust you got it.
Double it up.
It's a good move.
I don't see where there's a problem.
Thank you.
It's an expensive steak.
Oh, you don't think Joe can do that?
You don't think Joe's got it?
We're having fun.
Come on, bro.
You can't think like that.
You can't think like that.
You cannot think like that.
Andrew, you've been hanging out with me too long.
Yeah, I think that's it.
Yeah, you said it super nasally right there.
I think you're chewing it up for Joe on the show.
You should never think like that.
It's just a restaurant.
You're not buying Ferraris.
Yeah.
You know?
But we can buy steaks.
For people, you're going buying steaks for people?
Who gives a fuck?
You're supposed to drink, have fun, order wine.
Have a good time.
Yeah.
Now, Mark was a little disappointed that you didn't finish your steak, bro.
Okay, all right.
I didn't say it like that.
I didn't say that.
He did.
No, you did say it like that.
You did.
No, no.
No, I'm the checkman guy.
And you were like, I finished it.
And I thought about finishing his.
I didn't know it was a context.
I thought we were just having fun.
I left a couple of pieces of meat.
You did bring it up.
You were like, man, you know, I could do two of these easy.
And I was like, all right, well, if you're going for it, I'm going to go for it.
And then you did not say I could do two of these, Joe.
No, come on, bro.
No, Joe.
You fucking people have the weirdest things you focus on.
What do you mean, you people?
You people.
You guys.
You're focusing on how much a steak cost.
That's it.
And then how much did you eat?
Did you eat it all?
You didn't eat it all.
I can't wait a month to talk about it.
Oh, when it gets on, the first thing is what I'm talking about is how much you ate a month ago.
What is wrong with you guys?
You changed this into like a regular studio.
You've abandoned all the rules of podcasting.
That's right.
We have.
What are the rules of podcasts?
There's no rules.
You look at your studio.
There's no rule.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's a great studio.
We ordered all kinds of food that didn't get eaten.
There were desserts and all kinds of shit flowing around that table and lobsters.
No, I'd be pissed if I paid for somebody's food and they didn't eat it.
Well, you got to let that go, bitch.
There's things to be pissed at in the world.
Thank you.
Nuclear war, famine, disease.
Famine, they could eat them fucking lobsters y'all left hanging out like assholes.
But they can't because you kill it.
You have to eat it, you know, within a certain amount of time, or it's not good anymore.
Let it go.
We appreciate you so much for coming, Joe.
My pleasure.
Now, you're in town for a day.
Yeah, I'm just in town for you, man.
I'm supposed to be going to Atlantic City.
I'm going to Atlantic.
I brought cigars for everybody.
I'm going to Atlantic City tomorrow.
I'm doing Atlantic City with Hinchcliffe and Hans Kim and Joey Diaz.
We're doing this new arena that they got down there.
Yeah.
So that's Friday and Saturday.
So I'm here on Thursday just for you, my friend.
You're the fucking.
Thank you, man.
And did you have to move the Lex combo?
Was he cool with that?
Yes.
Yeah, he was fine.
He's a legend.
Thank you very much, Lex, for doing that.
I forgive you for being absolutely shit face at my wedding.
As opposed to he was shit faced at your wedding, but he was way more shit faced in the 12 hours I hung out with him after the wedding.
You sent me a video of him just knocked out, dude, like a homeless guy.
He was annihilated.
It was brutal.
And then some weird gig that you guys were at.
Yeah.
It was like Whitney's corporate gig.
Yeah.
I can't believe you even went on.
I'm good.
Thank you.
Get the fuck out of here.
You get the same thing as the host.
You know what I mean?
Thank you so much, man.
Okay, we got a comment.
Cutter?
I'm good, he says.
I'd rather be straight edge and just be upset about food.
I just want to sit around complaining about shit that means nothing.
He's not even allowed to use steak.
What means anything, Joe?
Come on.
Oh, that's right.
Indian.
I forgot you're Indian.
Yeah, exactly.
That's a drag, dude.
That's right.
Just being Indian?
That is a bullshit-ass rule.
I ate steak before.
I've eaten it.
Oh.
I don't miss it.
Let's put it on the cigar, bro.
No, you got to please.
You don't miss it?
I don't know.
I want to see Arcash try that.
How do you not miss it?
I don't know.
I don't miss it.
I stopped eating it when I was like 12, and then I just never found myself.
I would have like hamburgers and stuff on accident, and then my brother told me veal was deer like an asshole.
And I just, I ate it, and I was like, this is not good.
What is this?
It's mad fatty.
I'm not into it.
Wow.
Manipulating Fight Champions00:16:43
Is there any animal you won't kill?
You eat one?
I don't want to eat a dog.
Why not?
Because they're cute.
I like them.
They're fun.
Giannis Pop has had this like crazy explanation why we have this connection to dogs.
They helped us develop our frontal cortex or something because they protected us in the night so we didn't have to stay up so predators didn't devour us.
There's an argument for that.
I mean, we definitely turned them into dogs.
It was basically the bitch-ass wolves.
The bitch-ass wolves that didn't want to hunt and, you know, kind of like cowered and submitted themselves to us and we'd throw them food and then they would bark when other things come near.
That's what happened.
That was the process.
A chihuahua is a fucking wolf, which is wild.
Yeah.
It's like they started out as a wolf, but through selective breeding, they figured out a way to turn them into chihuahuas.
And why can they breed like with close family members?
Well, they can breed with dogs, you know?
I mean, no, but you can breed the same family of dogs.
Yeah, well, the same way people can.
You can fuck your sister and make a kid.
But then it becomes retarded, right?
Yeah, but it doesn't, you know.
It becomes a chihuahua.
It's not definite.
It doesn't definitely become retarded.
It becomes retarded when there's a lot of inbreeding, right?
But people have been inbreeding forever.
I mean, look at the English family, the English royal families.
Yeah.
I mean, you ever see those paintings of those old dudes like from back in the day on the walls?
No, what?
You know, oh my God, they're like horrendous.
They all have like distorted faces and shit because of inbreeding.
Because they would only have sex with other royals.
They had all problems and shit and like their bodies were all fucked up.
But it didn't affect their intellect in any way.
Oh, it definitely did.
Yeah, it probably did.
Yeah, I'm sure.
How could they run countries?
Because they were a monarchy.
They were in charge already, just like Joe Biden.
I mean, you think about it.
How could intellect?
He can't fucking count, right?
There's no idea what's going on.
When he starts banging out numbers, dude, whoa.
Oh, I get excited.
No, but that's a perfect example of like, if you just get into a position where you're already in power, people will protect you.
They want to keep their jobs.
They want to keep that form of power.
Because their safety is dependent on your power.
So they just keep you there kind of as a puppet.
Yeah, and then they manipulate you.
That was my theory about George Bush Jr.
Yeah.
They just had him there and they're like, let's just, he'll let us run the country the way we want to.
Well, look who he had for his fucking vice president, the CEO of Halliburton.
Yeah.
And they did the most transparent shit of all time.
They gave Halliburton billions and billions of dollars in no-bid contracts.
No bid.
So no one's competing.
No one's going, I can do it for less.
And they did it for shit that they blew up.
So they would blow things up and then they would hire Halliburton to rebuild it.
And he had stock in Halliburton.
So he was profiting off of the United States rebuilding shit that they blew up because of his decisions.
Have you met with people that are in these positions of power now?
No, never.
I've avoided it.
But they've tried to meet up.
I've had some opportunities to meet some people that I don't want to meet.
Yeah.
No thanks.
How do you say no thanks to the people that do whatever they want?
You just don't respond.
You ghost them.
Ghost them.
The CIA is hitting you up and you're just leaving them on red.
Come on.
I think by this point in time, they probably don't want to have anything to do with me.
But I think before a lot of the controversy and the Spotify stuff, they were looking at the podcast as a way for people to get on there and have a chance to shape the narrative.
You know, and I'm a friendly guy.
I'm a nice guy.
I'm not trying to play gotcha with anybody.
When people come on, if they say they don't want to talk about something, I say, no problem, no problem.
I'm just interested in having a conversation.
And so I think they would look at it as like a unique way to manipulate public information or public concepts on things.
So they're doing that with you.
They're definitely doing it on Facebook.
They're doing it through news, through everything.
There's no question about it.
They're doing it with everything.
Everybody's compromised.
Well, there's the problem is the people that are actually doing it are also aware of it and upset by it because it also affects them.
So, you got people like Edward Snowden who get to a certain point in time and he goes, What the fuck are we doing?
And then he goes public with this.
Right.
And now he has to ironically live in Russia and hide from the United States.
But that was he's that kind of guy because he's an internet guy.
When did you know you're you were big enough that people could use your platform to manipulate the messes?
Was there a moment where you're like somebody hit me up and you're like, oh fuck, I'm big enough that I need to start being watchful or wary.
I just take it was like a slow burn.
You know, over time, I figured it out.
Yeah.
It wasn't like right in the beginning, early days, I'd have anybody on.
Oh, Holocaust isn't real?
Come on.
Tell me more.
After a while, people started getting mad.
I was like, okay, I don't agree with him.
Jesus Christ, I have to have people on that I only agree with.
This is going to get boring.
Is that a thing you seek out?
Like, I want people I know I'm going to disagree with, at least early on, you'd be like, well, that's the only way it's fun.
No, the only criteria is, am I interested in talking to them?
So I get like hundreds of requests, right?
They all come into the email.
And I looked at them and I go, hmm.
Where'd this guy go?
He walked across Antarctica.
Yeah.
I like that one.
I saw that.
I have had a couple of those.
I got another guy coming on soon that's done some wild shit like that.
Like those, like, it's just got to be interesting to me.
Yeah.
Like I had Kristen Beck on this week.
Okay.
She was a male Navy SEAL and then became transgender.
And then they have Shapiro and Lady Valor.
No, the one where he was threatening.
Yeah.
She was threatening.
Grabbed Shapiro's neck.
No.
Shapiro goes, that's not very ladylike.
That was a pretty good lunch.
No, he's hilarious.
Ben Shapiro's a funny dude.
This is Kristen Beck up there.
So was a Navy SEAL and then decided to transition and become a woman.
But just super honest and open.
And, you know, it's so odd because used to be this badass dude with a beard and now she's got fake boobs and but looks like a man.
Yeah.
Like dresses like a man.
Like full, like, I don't think is like really trying hard to look like a woman, just looking like herself.
Does she talk about that?
Yeah.
She, I mean, she doesn't try to hide her voice or anything.
She's not like, what's that?
The chick from Faranos?
Oh, Elizabeth Holmes.
Elizabeth Holmes.
She's my favorite.
She's amazing.
Yeah, that's...
Wait, so you spoke to her already?
Yeah, I had her on the podcast this week.
She grew up in a small town of Texas and always felt wrong, always felt like she was in the wrong box.
Yeah, always felt fucked up.
Had no, there was no manipulation.
No one was grooming her.
It was 100% just how she felt.
And it's interesting because you got to realize, man, everybody is different.
You know, there's a spectrum.
This motherfucker doesn't even eat meat.
I'm basically trans.
Yeah, basically.
Kristen Beck eats meat.
Yeah.
Lots of it.
So we had Derek Poson's favorite porn star, Daisy Taylor, right?
And that was the first time I had like extended conversation with a trans woman.
And by the end of the podcast, not even by the end, but I was like, no, no, this girl is a girl.
Yeah.
We had her boyfriend on who said that he had done gay shit before.
And he's like, but when I'm with her, it doesn't feel gay.
Now, if you've done the gay shit, you know.
Yeah.
No one knows better than him.
How am I supposed to disagree?
No one knows better than him.
No one knows better than him.
I'm down for people to do whatever the fuck they want.
That's why you need to have some of this.
What is that?
What?
Okay.
When Schultz smokes, have you ever been around Andrew Smokes?
Fuck this up.
Do it.
Dude, take a hit.
The whole podcast is.
Yeah, it's about to go downhill, but it's fine.
That's a real blunt.
That's the real shit.
That stuff is nuclear.
You're going to have to take the reins after he does what it is.
Woo!
Let's go.
Last time we smoked wear in Vancouver, and then he went out.
Took a light.
Where's the ice?
Yeah, boys.
Let's go.
Come on.
Remember when you just took the dirty on the grater?
Let's go.
Let's go.
There's only three glasses.
Who doesn't?
No, he really can't drink.
Son of a bitch.
You want one?
You got one?
Why doesn't he have a drink for it?
Drinks.
Drinks around.
All right, we got single malt whiskey right there, and we got tequila in front of you.
Okay, where's the whiskey?
Good idea.
Al, you want to throw me an ice cube?
Strong ass hands.
Oh, thank you.
We're not doing the first podcast in the new studio sober.
Thank you.
That's fine.
When's Alex Jones coming on?
When he doesn't go to jail.
I don't think that's an option.
I don't think the jail's a possibility.
I think it's just money.
Yeah, it's mostly money.
Wait, really?
Get in there, bro.
Get in there.
Oh, here we go.
It's done after this.
I just want to let you know.
Oh, no.
You can do one more.
I just want to let you know, and it's fine.
You're already high.
Look at his eyes.
It will hit, and you'll just know.
And it is what it is.
We're going to go.
I like watching you get peer pressure.
This is awesome.
Yeah, I know.
Okay.
I've never smoked weed in my life.
How will this treat you?
Do it.
Oh, you're going to be perfect.
He's going to be amazing for you.
You don't have to drive, right?
No.
I feel like I'm being pressured.
It's fine.
Everything's going to be fine.
Don't need pressure on you.
If I smoke weed, it would be with you all.
I'm 100% pressuring you.
I take full responsibility.
How deep do I?
All right, take a big hit.
Oh, he's going to cough.
I got asthma.
Take a real hit.
You're going to see Krishna soon.
You probably have asthma because you don't eat meat.
That's not a hit.
That wasn't a hit.
Now what the flowers are.
That was some real pussy ass shit.
I'm going to eat.
Oh, he's eating beef tonight.
Munchie's going to kick it.
There you go.
That was a hint.
Maybe.
You got to run that back and a little bit.
Let's see about 20 minutes.
Oh, that's a good one.
That's it.
Oh, whatever, bro.
Who cares?
People that care about what people eat don't care about people smoking.
The rules are different here in New York.
Come on.
Okay, Joe.
Before I get too high, we have a weightlifting question for you.
Okay.
Al is incredibly diesel with his arms.
Actually, he has to not lift weights or else they'll get bigger.
He has to actually not lift weights.
Wow.
But his legs will not grow at all.
Yeah, will not grow at all.
What do you do to try to make them grow?
Squats, deadlift.
Really?
Don't grow at all.
Stop.
I swear to God.
Consistently works out.
Yeah.
And the arms don't touch.
Well, look at John Jones.
John Jones is a great example.
John Jones is one of the.
Al's not like that at all with him.
Al is like an amazing guy, his girl, and everything.
I meant about his athleticism.
John has tiny calves.
They're tiny.
They're like almost non-existent.
It's the craziest thing.
And he works out fucking hard.
Nobody works out harder than John Jones.
Just powerlifting, deadlifting, squats.
Yes.
Calves are still tiny.
Like tiny calves.
Like it makes no sense.
Look how little his calves are.
Like you can see there.
They're so small.
And he's got like literally the perfect frame for fighting because he only has the muscle where he needs it.
He's got shoulders.
He's got arms.
He's got thighs.
He doesn't need his calves.
He's so long.
It's like he's designed in a lab.
Like, if you wanted to design a perfect like physique for fighting, I think it's John Jones.
And he's a master at distance.
He's the best at using this gift that he has, which is being very tall for the weight class, is incredible for keeping a guy away from you.
You think if he fought Nganu, he'd win?
You never know.
I mean, John Jones is a tough guy to bet against, but he's never really fought a heavyweight.
He's trained with heavyweights for sure.
You know, you get a guy like Gano and Gano has the nuclear option on any person that lives.
Any person that lives, if Ngana, if he catches you with one of those ones that he hit Rosenstrike with, or that he knocked out Stipe with, or the Aleister Oveream left hook, oh, yeah.
That Aleister Overim one was one of the most disturbing punches I've ever seen a guy get hit with because he was off before like he went to the ground.
He got shut off immediately and his head went almost all the way back.
Like slammed and came back.
And then he hit him with a hammer for him.
Yeah, but I mean his head went back while he was standing up.
Like pull that video up.
Watch this.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Fuck me.
Bro.
Yeah.
And that guy he did that to, that's Aleister Overem.
Yeah.
Like that's a big guy.
Like Aleister Oveream is the former K1 Grand Prix champion.
Aleister Oveream was the strike force heavyweight champion.
Aleister Ovream is a fucking savage.
He's really good.
So for Francis to do that to Aleister Overim, I mean, Aleister Overhead is one of the most dedicated strikers.
You want to see how good Aleister Overham is?
Pull up Aleister Ovream versus Brock Lesnar.
Sound Martin.
Bro, this was back when they were.
How did Martin do that?
How did Sam do that?
They were doing a smell test back then for steroids.
That's all they did.
Yeah, you're good.
Everybody passed.
It's so ridiculous.
When you look at Brock Lesnar and he's standing right next to, like, look at the two of them.
How the fuck did he pass anything?
They used to call him Uberim back then because like he wasn't like a real person.
He was like a comic book superhero.
His physique was perfect and his kickboxing skills world class, dude.
I mean, K1 Grand Prix champion.
When they didn't test or when they tested very lightly, Alistair was running the show.
I would have loved to see what happened if they just like was testing.
We need to do our best.
Everybody wants to do their best.
Do any of the other organizations not test?
The bare nothing shit they're not testing, right?
I don't know how they test.
They test depending upon the commission.
Like some commissions are very strict.
Like you can't pull any funny business in Nevada.
Nevada's got a down pat.
They're the best athletic commission.
They do the most big-time fights.
They have everything smooth and polished.
But some commissions are wild.
Like Michael Bisping got passed multiple times with one eye.
How could they be doing a good job?
How is that possible?
Who the fuck let him do that?
I mean, all respect and props to Michael Bispin because when people talk about toughness, toughness, like to what extent?
What about a guy who loses an eye and then doesn't tell anybody because he wants to keep fighting and wins 10 fights plus the world title with one fucking eye?
Yeah.
That's crazy.
I don't want to tell a guy you can't do that.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like, I don't want you to do that, but I don't want to tell a guy you can't do that.
Hey, why is it that when guys get knocked out, they get chinny?
Well, Chuck Liddell told me that it's because your brain is trying to protect you because it knows you're too tough and you're going to take more shots.
And it knows those shots are damaging you.
So instead of letting you just be tough and take it, your brain, after you've been shut off a few times, just lets you go out quicker.
And do they know the amount of times?
I don't, no one knows because it varies.
Some people, You could also catch someone at a point in their career where they've been concussed and then maybe they've been concussed at the gym and then they get knocked out one or two times that year and it's a real problem.
But then they take time off and they come back and they're good.
So it's like, is it that they're getting damaged a lot in training too?
Maybe they've lost a step.
Are they coming into a fight damaged?
Yeah.
Because sometimes guys come into fights.
Like Shaub talked about that.
Back when he was training with all those guys in Colorado, like they would have some crazy ass wars.
And guys would get banged up really bad in the gym.
And then they would fight and they would already be kind of.
That's the football thing.
It's like those guys are getting concussed in practice and they're putting them back out there.
Shaub used to spar with Shane Carwin.
Yeah.
Shane Carwin's fists are two of my fists.
I'm not exaggerating.
Ordering Diet Smoke Delta THC00:02:11
He was a preposterous man.
And Shaub used to spar that dude.
And Shane Carwin was probably the single biggest one-punch other than Ngano striker ever in the UFC.
Shane Carwin knocked a lot of it.
Look at that with Shane Carwin.
That's a big boy.
Dude, he was a house.
That's a big boy.
He was the interim champion and he almost got Brock Lesnar.
He had him fucked up in the first round and he was on top of him and beating the shit out of him, but he gassed out.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because we got to be less high.
Okay?
And the way that you get less high, but still get high at the same time is with Diet Smoke.
Okay.
We should have taken some Diet Smoke today, matter of fact, because it can, you know, just give you that nice, beautiful buzz instead of what, I don't know what part of the episode this is on, but as it gets later, I'm way too high for the Diet Smoke.
That's for sure.
I wish I Diet Smoked it up and then I would be perfect.
They got Delta 8 THC, okay?
Delta 8 THC is hemp-derived, federally legal.
Yay, yay!
And packs the perfect buzz within each gummy.
You're going to love the taste.
You're going to love the high.
And you don't even have to go looking up a bunch of fake ailments to tell your doctor in order to get a medical car.
How are you sorry?
I'm sorry, dude.
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All right, guys, let's get back to the show.
You think that the UFC will start to get...
Pretending To Be A Victim00:03:40
I'm good.
Bro, they're like canned hams.
I'm good.
I'm glad you're stuck in.
I know what he's talking to you.
I know.
I'm out here.
He said, let's get paranoid.
Let's do it.
That was the message.
Yeah, let's get there.
You text me, like, I'm bringing weed and cigars.
Let's get paranoid.
I'm like, I don't want the fuck paranoid about it, bro.
Job's calling cops on himself right now.
Hey, bro, I'm looking up conspiracy shit.
Are you, are you?
There's some conspiracies now, right?
There's some conspiracies, I'm sure.
Okay.
Conspiracies, a lot of them are just made-up shit.
So I'm sure I'm in a few.
Yeah.
Have you heard any about yourself?
No.
No, I try not to listen to anything about me.
It's just too dangerous.
I don't want to get my feelings hurt.
Do you still get hurt by anything?
No, I mean, you would, I guess.
You're a human.
Yeah.
People say mean shit and you read it.
You're like, oh, wow, is that really me?
Yeah.
You know, just like, it's this, you know, Louis C.K. said something interesting.
He goes, it's just talk, right?
Like people always just talk, but it's written down.
So it seems like it's something more because people could read it like, oh, because, but people have always been doing that.
It's just talk.
But it's now everybody could read what people decide to talk about.
You're just saying that because it's recorded.
Well, because it's recorded and because of how you're doing it.
Yeah.
You know?
Like you just hurt.
If it's just mad voices out there talking, it's whatever.
It gets lost in the noise.
But if it's written and you read it, then it feels more official.
It feels more weighty.
That you're saying?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think there's something about it being written down.
So this is a real thing.
Yeah.
You know?
There's a...
Yeah.
Amber Heard started OnlyFans.
Did you see that?
Did you really?
No.
You just don't believe it.
He's starting a conspiracy right now.
I don't believe anything.
What do you think about the verdict?
Well, I think it was probably good for all people who believe in the truth.
And the problem is there's like this boys versus girls narrative that I think we all get into on these things.
You know, and there's a lot of guys who wanted a guy to win one of these things.
Yeah.
You know?
But it's just not good to not be honest.
And if you're doing that and you're doing it to try to hurt someone, like if you're purposely changing reality, you're lying about what happened just to try to hurt somebody.
Right.
You're, you're doing a fucked up thing because you're pretending you're a victim.
And so it's not as simple as you're just lying.
You're turning someone into a criminal.
You're pretending you're a victim.
And if it's all not true, if it's all not true, it's a really bad thing.
Yeah.
It's really bad.
It's just bad for all of us.
So whether it's bad for, like someone said that the verdict is bad for women, I'm like, that's crazy.
They're going to say that.
That's crazy.
It's just not good to do shit like that.
Do you think it's pretty?
Why can't some guy beat you up?
I don't know.
I could, you know, you watch the trial and you form your own opinions unless you're there, unless there's direct evidence.
And other than the evidence of like the conversations they had that they were both recording, which is wild.
Like, shit gotta get fucked up before you press record without arguing.
So wild.
Now, did they secretly record?
Yeah, watch each other.
Listen to what your wife says twice.
Think about it.
Did they secretly record each other?
No, I think they both knew.
So they both knew.
So they decided to have like a performance conversation.
Because if you're recording it, you're recording it knowing someone else is going to listen.
So that's not a real conversation.
Like you're putting on a show.
Finding Danger In New Variants00:05:14
Yes.
Yeah.
It's a real, it's like keeping up with the Kardashians knows the camera's there.
They know the cameras are there.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
They're putting down a show.
You need Chris Jenner on.
Oh, I don't need that.
Yes.
Why do you need that?
I would.
What is so fascinating?
There's a bunch of people.
I've never met a demon before.
Oh, my God.
What?
They just call people demons.
Yeah, bro.
Why?
Because I downgraded her from devil?
But isn't she just crafty?
Yes.
I think that's crafty words.
Well, she's like made the most with whatever resources she had.
She went for it.
Daughter pool.
That's a resource.
That's the crazy thing.
I'm trying to look at things with rose-colored glasses.
That's that Austin shit.
There's so much defensiveness in this world right now.
And there's so much like what we think of as things that are completely out of our hands.
Like when you think of things like the war with the possible war with Ukraine, that's completely out of our hands.
We're all just sitting here in a state of anxiety, right?
Like, what are we going to do?
Like if Russia launches a nuke, if some wild shit happens, if China invades Taiwan, what are we going to do?
And so we're in this like perpetual state of never feeling like I'm just living life because I'm living life under this canopy of danger and doom.
And if it's not that, it's climate change.
If it's not that, it's the new variants.
There's going to be new variants coming in January.
Get ready.
It's like this constant, which is, we've got to be aware of things, but the problem with danger is when it gets in the zeitgeist like that, it takes a long time to clean that out.
When I was a kid, the Cold War days were happening, and we were legitimately worried that at any day, Russia could nuke the United States.
It came super close, right?
Super close.
Well, they definitely did during the Cuban Missile Crisis.
Exactly.
Yeah, that was a little bit before my time.
But not by much.
I'm old as fuck.
I'm 54.
But they were worried all the time, man.
They had stop, drop, and roll, or what did you do?
Stop, drop and cover or something like that.
They had like that stupid saying, though.
500 deaths.
It wasn't stop, drop, and roll.
That's if you're on fire.
That's fire, yeah.
But it's like stop, drop, cover or something like that.
Something like that.
But when we were in high school, man, that was a legit fear.
Like when that Red Dawn movie came out.
Like there was a legit fear that we were going to go to a nuclear war with Russia and we would all get wiped out.
And everybody had this kind of anxiety about it.
It like stuck with you.
And then when the Soviet Union fell, that all went away.
And for a brief moment of time, it felt relaxed.
It really did.
It felt like we don't have to worry about nuclear war.
We just have to worry about fucked up wars.
We just have to worry about these hot wars.
They're shooting tanks at each other in the desert.
As long as we don't have to worry about nuclear war.
You know, so we like accepted a certain level of war.
And now the nuclear war part is back on the table.
And I think that's one of the things that it flavors all of our conversations, whether we realize it or not, because we're all under this like steady state of anxiety.
Yes.
And then climate change.
And it's not saying don't do things about climate change.
We should, but all this, how dare you, all that.
Why is that advantageous to keep us in a steady state of anxiety?
It's not that it's advantageous.
It's human nature to like seek that.
It's human nature to try to find the danger.
The problem is you're not supposed to know about danger with 7 billion people.
It's too many fucking people.
You're supposed to know about danger in your community.
Like you're supposed to have a small tribe of 150 or so people and you know about everything you can't eat and you know about all the people that are dangerous.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like 70 people.
Like the Dunbar number.
I think it's 150.
But it's actually tiered.
I didn't know it was tiered.
The Dunbar's number is you get a certain amount of like intimate, close friends that you know well.
And then from there on, it's like you get 50 people who you know their name, but you don't know too much about them.
And then there's like another 100 people.
1,500 people you can recognize, 500 acquaintances, 150 meaningful contacts, 50 friends, 15 good friends.
Yeah, interesting.
Someone's got to be able to get people.
You've got to call loved ones.
Well, if you know a lot of cool people, we know a lot of cool people.
Someone's got to get cut.
I'm going to get cut from my top 15.
It's like MySpace.
Everybody's like, bro, why am I not in your top nine?
Remember that?
Your friends want to be your top nine.
Like, okay.
All right, man, this is so silly.
It's your MySpace list just all over the place.
That's your Dunbar number, bro.
Cut, dude.
That's the thing.
It's like, I think we really are only designed to interact with a certain amount of people.
I think that's why interaction on social media is so hostile.
It's not normal.
You're not supposed to be interacting with that many people.
It's like you got data coming out.
It's like too much.
And I can't care about you.
I just have too many people.
It's too much.
Past that 1500.
Social Media Hostility Explained00:15:50
So I don't give a fuck about that.
But do our brains adapt though over time, you think?
I think they do.
I think our brains are going to evolve and they're going to eventually, whether it's through electronic intervention, which is the most likely scenario, that they put something in our brains and it allows us to interface with each other in a different way.
And Elon, the way Elon described it, he said, you're going to be able to talk without words.
That's Neuralink.
Yeah, this is his version of it.
But I'm sure there's multiple versions.
Do you think we see that in our lifetime?
Yes.
Yes.
I think we see that way quicker than we think.
I think how cell phones took over when cell phones went from being like, who has a cell?
Look at Michael Douglas on the beach with that fucking brain.
Green is good, bitch.
Remember those days?
Yeah.
How much assholes did that movie make?
That movie made so many righteous assholes.
He goes to jail in the end and no one talks about that part.
Yeah.
No one talks about that.
But before that, he was boggling that phone on the beach, bitch, making phone calls.
No cord out here in the sand.
Doesn't give a fuck.
Drinking margaritas and shaping world politics.
You can't finish the movie.
You cut it off right before the end.
You're like, oh, that's good.
Yeah, yeah.
That's when it's good.
It's like Scarface.
I'm sad when he dies.
I wanted Tony Montana to live.
I did.
I wanted him to live.
I should have never seen that.
I like him.
I like him, too.
I should have never fucking smoked that.
I like him.
Be honest.
But one to ten.
Damn.
One to ten.
Light it up again, Joe.
Fuck it.
Let's go.
We're going for it.
We're going for it.
Let's go.
I've been a masculine bike guy wearing a fanny pack right now.
I don't know what to say.
I'm too fucking high.
I like how you went leather.
I always wear this one.
It's my nice one.
I love that you wear fanny packs.
You take care of ones.
Yeah, I got five of these fuckers.
You got a sleep one.
You got the workout one.
No, no, but this is the one I usually use.
Yeah.
Andrew has one of those, but he wears it around his shoulder, which I think is way gayer.
Oh, yeah, that's worse.
Well, it's just a cop-out.
Yeah, right.
You're just afraid of this.
My wife gave it to you.
You're just afraid of it.
You're afraid of this look.
It's just too bald.
Look at this.
It's like a kilt.
This is what it looks.
Like when a man does not give a fuck.
Look at this.
This is what it's supposed to look like.
This is what you've been working for.
This is better.
It's better.
I can keep stuff in there.
It's better.
It's just better.
Yeah, what about pockets?
Yeah, but they get in the way, dude.
They dig in your legs.
But what are you keeping that?
No, no, no.
Weed is affected.
Look at Joe's legs.
He puts a cord in there.
He's like, God damn it.
Like the princess and the P. Remember that story?
Is that the dumbest fucking story of all time?
With the beds?
Yeah, they found out she was a princess because they put a P, like 13 mattresses under her.
She couldn't sleep.
She's in agony.
Imagine, like, she's a princess because her body is so weak that if you put a P under her, she can't.
It was the in-breeding, dude.
Her body's just like a break.
Imagine that insane.
That's a good treat.
But imagine that that's supposed to be a good trait.
Yeah.
But that's how you can tell she's a princess.
She can't even sleep with a P under there.
She's so delicate.
She's delicate.
That a P fucked her up.
And that's supposed to be amazing.
Like, what are you talking about?
That's like the more fat and pale you were back in the day, like, the more high in society you were.
Food, man.
If you could afford gluttony in the face of abject poverty all around you, people literally starving to death, and you're a sloth.
And you're sleeping on food?
You're just slothing.
Just filled gut with wine, beer.
That was the first Gordon Gecko.
That was it.
That was a guy that was super fat in the 1700s.
Greed is good.
Everybody's like, we could just get a few crumbs.
No, I'm going to get a good shot.
Go scared you.
Why'd we do this, bro?
This guy's high already, dude.
Wait a minute.
You gotta let it go.
You gotta let it go.
Just accept it.
Accept it.
This is what's happened.
He's gotten high in front of the whole world.
It's Tai Chi, bro.
You just move a little.
Yeah, you gotta move.
Yeah, he knows what the fuck is going on.
Come on.
I Googled that right before, but I got it.
I've never seen you high.
How are you not high?
I don't know.
Because he faked it.
I didn't fake it.
You know, Joe accepted it.
He might have faked it.
It was an acceptable puff to do.
You have to take it on the honor system.
Depends on how much went in.
Some came out.
I don't know what I'm saying.
Something, you know, it was in there.
I think it was one of these.
Did you guys get fucked up at all from the week?
A little bit.
Come on.
A little bit.
I feel a cat's slow, but not like this guy.
I'm not slow.
I'm chilling.
It's not that it's slow.
People look at it the wrong way.
It just removes a layer of protection.
I feel.
Between you and the known universe.
Yeah.
I don't feel like that.
I feel more like I would like the layer back.
You'll get it back.
I enjoyed it.
I enjoyed that protection that I have.
You'll get it back.
You're going to get the layer back.
How far is that?
It's nice.
That couch, right, though?
It's very nice.
It's a nice couch.
No good.
It does make you more comfortable than like an office chair.
Where I don't make me rethink my situation.
He likes wireless microphone.
See what I'm saying?
Wireless mics, you have to move around, do act outs.
It's definitely better for talking shit.
Jim love that.
Just definitely better for talking shit.
That's it.
We're just here to talk shit.
But wonder if speech would be the way you'd want to interview a scientist, though.
No, but a guy who just got tits.
A guy who's now a woman, a female woman with huge tits.
Yes.
That's how I would like to interview them.
Well, I bet she'd probably do your show.
Say again.
I bet you would probably do your show.
Can you get me the North Korean?
Oh, my God.
She has a name.
Oh, my gosh.
Yomi Kim.
You want to make me pronounce the name, bro?
Yeah, come on.
I think she's the North Korean.
I think they're the North Korean.
Yeah, I'm talking about Kim.
Oh, you're talking about Kim?
Yeah, my boy Kim.
No, is there...
Do you think that she would ever come on?
I want him to reach out.
Yeon me.
Yeon me park.
Yeon mee park.
Her story is crazy, man.
Yeah.
What else is that?
Her story is so crazy.
What else?
She got some crazy things.
Don't you do it.
You're being done.
Joe, come on.
Stop acting like you got a fanny pack on.
We're just trying to talk about the hurries, bro.
That's all the heavies.
We send each other memes.
He'll send me pictures of a dude squatting, and I know exactly what he's talking about.
The heavies.
The soup heavies, bro.
No, she got some, bro.
That's how they make them out there.
That wasn't K.
The majority of our interaction on text messages for a solid four or five days after I have a scout.
Andrew just texted me the heavies.
Dying.
Yo, me park out to dinner.
Dinner, me too.
Oh, my God.
What, Al?
Listen, your boy getting a little saucy.
And it is what it is.
You know?
Bro, hash your cigar, dog.
What?
That's that little foreskin, dog.
Let me get my fourskin.
Let me hang, man.
These are good cigars.
What do you think about circumcising women?
Why?
I might have made a mistake, ladies and gentlemen.
I take full responsibility for whatever happens here.
It's clearly my fault.
Why'd you get them high?
Because I want to see.
You got to experience it, bro.
Someone come on.
These pants are getting crazy right now.
You know what I'm saying, Joe?
You know what I'm saying?
My friend.
I'm really happy for you.
And I want to tell you one thing that I love about what you do is you find your own ways through things.
You know, you find your own ways through things.
And I was talking about you the other day in the green room with the Vulcan in Austin.
I said, think about it.
Like, you can't even say, turn your phone sideways.
That's Schultz's shit.
Turn your phone.
You can't say that anymore.
I agree.
No one else can say that.
You can't.
You figured out how to own, turn your phone sideways.
I've stolen stuff.
We did.
But that's a weird one.
That's a weird one.
I can't steal that one.
It's like, wow, how did he like?
Okay.
And then you figured out how to do that and make these cinematic comedic pieces while the world was falling apart when no one was doing anything.
Yeah.
You put your shit all out on YouTube, blows up.
And then you put together this place.
This is cool as fuck.
We did.
We did.
All these guys.
Yeah, no, no, no.
I know.
I know there's other people involved.
I'm just trying to tell you.
Well, I thank you.
What you're doing, bro.
What you're doing is awesome.
What you're doing gives me hope because you're doing exactly what the cameras are off, what you do when the cameras are on.
The way we talk shit when the cameras are off is the way we talk shit when the cameras are on.
You're a real dude.
And it's so important for people like that.
And Akash, I really wish you would go back to eating meat.
Thanks.
Yeah, bro.
Get back on, dumb.
You're awesome too, both of you guys.
And the fact that you've carved your own show.
You got your own vibe to your show.
It's like your show is a fun, silly hang, but you could talk about serious shit too.
Like you can flow back and forth between serious shit and complete preposterous conversations.
That's the only way it's fun.
It's so fun.
We're so lucky that we get to do this.
Don't you have some of them scientists you were talking to had a fucking joke in their body?
No, sometimes people.
But sometimes I want to talk to them too.
You know, I mean, even if they're dry, like I want to extract like what you need a person who thinks like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what's fascinating to me because I'm so dumb.
Yo, this is the biggest cap in the world, bro.
You telling people you're dumb is bullshit.
No, no, no.
I'm dumb compared to these people.
No, no, listen to me.
Listen to me.
They're good at walking.
Do you know how to play pool?
Yes.
Okay, me too.
I'm one of the most players ever.
Let me tell you something.
I know how to play pool, but I suck.
I don't suck compared to you.
I'll fuck you up.
But I suck.
But I suck compared to regular people.
Right.
Or rather, compared to professionals.
There's levels.
And I am fucking dumb.
When I talk to Elon Musk, I'm very aware how dumb I am.
Really?
Yes.
When I talk to Lex Friedman, when I talk to everybody, if you talk to Elon about emotions and human interaction, probably you're much smarter than him.
He's not dumb in that regard.
He's a different kind of human, man.
Like, that's an unusual combination of characteristics.
He likes to make jokes.
He takes a picture of Bill Gates and then he puts it next to a pregnant man emoji and it says, here's a quick way to lose your boner.
Or if you want to lose your boner really quick, that's what he said.
He posted that.
He's the richest man in the world and he's dunking on other billionaires.
I love that.
You got to celebrate that.
I love Elon.
And he loves that nature of the internet.
And the thing that bothers him is this idea that like one gatekeeper can dictate whether or not something gets released into the whole world if you're using something like Twitter.
Like you could have an amazing story and they can block it if ideologically they disagree with it.
Like that's what happened with that Hunter Biden laptop.
Yeah.
What happened with that?
Well, they decided to say that it was Russian disinformation and that you couldn't share the links on Twitter or Facebook.
Twitter said that.
Yeah, Twitter would not let you share the links.
And the link is from a story in the New York Post, which is really kind of crazy because that's like one of the oldest newspapers in America.
It's a long established newspaper and they wouldn't let you post.
It's not like some wild ass website, you know, some weird, it might not be a real website.
It was fucking New York Post.
And so when something like a Twitter has the ability to just tell you what you can and can't talk about, even if that thing is valid, even if that thing, what if it does legitimately, I don't know what the fuck is in his laptop, but what if it does legitimately point to corruption?
Are we supposed to just ignore it because we want to own the people on the right?
That's what we do with Pelosi.
Right.
What you mean?
Is she corrupt?
She's definitely corrupt, but she's corrupt in a loophole way, I think.
Talk to me.
She's doing a thing where her husband buys stock in companies and she may or may not know things that happen that would affect the way that company.
And they're so rich.
They did a thing on her husband where they showed like how successful he is in the stock market compared to regular people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's hilarious.
Yeah, he's like, it's like it's totally, there's no way that he knows things.
She makes like 200 grand.
I'm not saying that he knows that.
He's just a genius.
Great investor, bro.
He's better than Buffett.
That's all.
100%.
He's a goddamn wizard.
He puts a wizard's hat on and he finds the right things to gamble on.
Yeah.
And he always wins.
I mean, she's worth like hundreds of millions of dollars.
So good for her.
Does she come from money?
I don't think so.
I think she got it.
I respect that, though.
Because most of these motherfuckers come from money.
They keep changing the rules of the game to help themselves.
At least if you were in the gutter before and then you shift the rules up, it's like, well, at least you made the climb.
A lot of these motherfuckers are just born in it.
Ah, you're saying that she hustled for it.
Yeah, at least she got there on her own.
Hey, what is it about people that were born in it, right?
Like princes.
Why do so many of them become like psychopaths?
I don't think you throughout history.
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
You said the first generation becomes psychopaths?
A lot of like Saddam Hussein's sons were some of the most evil people that have ever lived.
They would do horrific shit.
There's stories of them kidnapping women on their wedding day, like going to them, taking them from their husband, raping them and feeding them to their dogs.
What?
That's harmful.
Yes.
Like for real?
Yes.
Yes.
That's horrible.
That's feeding them to their dogs.
Yeah.
I think there's a sociopathy that develops, or sociopathy, however you say it, when you're so removed from any normal human interaction that you don't like ever.
You don't get to feel bad for people because no one shows you the bad shit.
So there's no remorse to feel, I think.
So you're just like, well, let's just push this as far as they can push it.
This is a theory I just came up with.
But I dare you to debunk it.
I think they get stuck in this idea.
Like we have a human beings have this thing where we other each other.
You know, like if you're going to go to war with that group, even if it's like North versus South America, we can other each other.
And I think we could do that with anything.
I didn't know that happened with the kids.
I thought the kids ended up being a kid.
I heard they were weak.
No, I heard they were awful, but I don't know.
They're not Saddam's kids.
I'm just saying in general.
I thought the kids are successful people.
Or sometimes, but there's a few of those instances of evil kings, right?
That's like Game of Thrones.
Joffrey.
Joffrey.
He was an evil king.
Like, there's a long history of young men who take over the throne from their father and they're just fucking evil.
Yeah.
Well, maybe they don't have the empathy because they didn't have to earn it.
Like, if you come from nothing, you have empathy for all the other people who have nothing.
And those kids who come from everything, why would they even feel bad?
Also, the reality, just the reality of violence was accelerated back then because people were doing sword fighting.
They were hitting each other with bows and arrows and hacking each other to death.
And so it was happening and probably like everybody saw it.
Like the amount of laws and rules that they had back when that shit was going on.
Yeah.
You used to see death all the time.
Like, I think about that now.
Dead Sea Scrolls And Rituals00:14:38
I've seen a dead body like three times in my life.
So, if you yeah, I mean, like my grandfather passed away, open casket, like that kind of thing.
But, like, back in the day, they all saw bodies.
Yeah, like you're confronted by life and death bookended all the time.
You know, when they talk about like people, the life expectancy, the average life expectancy used to be like 30 years old.
You know what a lot of that is?
It's the babies would die.
Infant death, yeah.
It's like average, right?
That was a big part of it.
A big part of it was they used to have all these fertility rituals back then.
They would do fertility rituals to try, like it was like important to make more people, and they would be worried that they would run out of people.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
So the fertility rituals are like the community coming around to make sure that you have a baby.
Well, there's just so many infant deaths that they're like, yo, let's have as many kids as possible.
But so many die.
We might run out.
Yeah, die.
It couldn't be like that they did, they had dances or myths or stuff like that.
But there was a guy named John Marco Allegro who wrote a book called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross.
I was literally told them today, I saw this thing yesterday with you.
Okay, go on this.
Christianity is like the mushroom?
John Marco Allegro, he spent like just, I think it was somewhere in the neighborhood of 14 years deciphering the Dead Sea Scrolls.
And he was an ordained minister who.
What are the Dead Sea Scrolls?
The Dead Sea Scrolls is the oldest version of the Bible, I think, that they've ever found.
It's in Aramaic.
I might be wrong about that, but it's an old version of the Bible that was written on animal skins and left in clay pots in Qumran.
And so they found these fairly recently.
Like, I think they found them in the 20th century or the 19th century.
Yeah, 46, 47.
Okay, so it was the 20th century.
And so then they started deciphering them.
And this one guy, he was an ordained minister, but then as he became a scholar of ancient religions, he became agnostic.
But he was still on the Dead Sea Scrolls Committee.
So this guy is an expert in languages and they're trying to decipher this language.
And so his conclusion at the end of 14 years is that the entire cult of Christianity was really all about the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals.
And that the whole thing was a way to hide this knowledge in parables and stories.
And that it was just passed down and translated over and over and over again and lost like a lot of its meaning along the way when people stopped participating in the rituals.
But his belief was, and he was an expert in the origins of words.
And he traced back the word Christ to an ancient Sumerian word that meant a mushroom covered in God's semen.
Because they thought when it rained that it was God coming on the earth.
Because that was how things would grow.
That is what we do.
So when you have no science, we know nothing scientific.
Liquid when it rains.
Exactly.
And then all of a sudden things grow.
That is life springing from the earth.
So it must be God coming.
So here's where it gets more complicated.
Mushrooms grow like that.
So you could have no mushrooms and you get out of your tent and then there's mushrooms.
Like literally overnight, there could be mushrooms.
So they would eat these mushrooms and trip balls.
And mushrooms in low doses increase visual acuity.
They make people hornier.
They establish a more potent bond of community.
It allows creativity that is linked to the development of language.
Can I interrupt me for one second?
We have mushrooms here if you want.
Let's go.
Do we really?
Yeah.
I'm not doing up there.
Don't be scared.
Let's fucking go.
The Dead Sea Scrolls, mostly in Hebrew.
A little bit of Aramaic.
Mostly in Hebrew?
Yeah.
All right, guys.
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Now, let's get back to the show.
The Dead Sea Scrolls, the way they found out what pieces were, they had to do DNA tests.
They had to find out which cow the pieces came from.
And then they put all the pieces where the cow came from, and then they had to try to piece it together.
It's wild shit.
I mean, that's insane.
And I've never read the Dead Sea Scrolls, but the people that read it say it's really fast.
If that's what it meant, would you be a Christian?
Come on.
I'm not joining any groups, man.
But I think that's a real problem with people.
What do you mean groups?
Talk to me.
Yeah, you join the Christians and all of a sudden the Baptists are your enemies.
You don't like Protestants anymore?
You know, like that's what happened with the Catholics and the Protestants in Ireland.
I mean, there's obviously a lot more to it, but it was literally religion versus religion, killing each other.
When one group finds itself, they tolerate each other and then they don't tolerate anyone else.
That's the other thing we're talking about.
Yeah, I mean, that's the history of humans.
That's crazy.
Do you subscribe to the high ape theory?
The higher, it's called a stoned ape theory.
That's stoned ape.
That's McKenna's idea.
No, finding mushrooms, I don't know.
The best guy describing that is actually Terrence McKenna's brother, Dennis.
Dennis is a real scientist, like a rock-solid scientist.
And the way he describes it, he explains why the theory has some merit.
He never says that it's definitely what happened, but there's a mystery.
The mystery with the human brain size is that the human brain size doubled over a period of, I think it's like 2 million years, which is extraordinary.
They have no idea what happened.
And so there's a lot of theories.
Like, my brain drunk.
I feel like this happened to fucking thousands of people.
Are you going to take this long?
I don't know.
I'll feel it.
Come on, bro.
Tell us about these high-ass apes.
Anyway.
I'm high as shit.
Come on.
Where's Miles?
The stoned ape theory is the.
Come on, Joe.
Oh, God.
I thought we lost Miles, bro.
But he's back.
He's back.
Everything's good.
He was just covered by the monarch.
Andrew's hallucinating.
It's okay.
Let's go.
So that's the theory.
We missed the whole thing.
Yeah, I missed the whole thing.
What's the theory, man?
The theory is ancient primates experimented with mushrooms and they led to a rapid development in human brain size, which doubled over a period of two million years.
So the human brain size doubled.
And he thinks it coincides with the rainforest receding into grasslands, which would give to a lot of undulates that would shit like cows.
And then on those paddies, they would find mushrooms and they would try them out as a food source.
Because ancient primates.
Well, that's the reason why you probably know.
That's why India is so smart, yo.
Yeah, you can grow that shit in a lab, dummy.
You don't need to come up with shit.
Why are you playing in shit?
We asked him that.
We have scientists now.
You have a cell phone.
You don't need anything.
You're not organic, Joe.
Oh, yeah, okay, okay.
God damn, dude.
You don't have to put pesticide in the lab.
Yes.
Organic just means no pesticide.
Wait, you only eat organic?
I eat whatever the fuck I want to eat.
Right, he ate six burgers when we were out that one time.
Oh, yeah, that is.
That's one time I did.
Now you understand why we talk about food with you, Joe.
I like to eat.
We met you to get a hamburger.
Yeah.
You ate three, and then there was one more on the table, and you just said, This is nobody's right because sometimes they leave them there because everybody's just ordering shit.
We got like giant trays.
Yeah, you don't be wasteful.
I think that was a chicken sandwich, too.
The recall.
Recall, bro, Alpha Brand.
This is what we think it is.
I think you have insane recall, and you think that you're dumb, but your recall, like, are you one of the guys that you could know exactly what happened in a round of a fight that you watched 10 years ago?
Not always.
No, definitely not always.
Sometimes I get it.
Yeah, a lot of times.
That's pretty crazy.
Sometimes I get it wrong.
Sometimes, like, oh, I thought he did it that way.
Because you've heard athletes do this.
Like, Bill Russell could tell you every single play of every game.
LeBron, they say, can do it.
I don't know if I believe it.
That's interesting.
Sean McVeigh and you're a little bit more than a bit more.
Sean McFinney.
Yeah, yeah.
A lot of fighters don't have that.
A lot of fighters kind of go.
Fog of war, also, I assume.
No, even when they win, like sometimes they just get in a zone.
And then before they know it, they've won.
And then they'll watch it on camera and go, whoa, look at that.
Like, almost like they don't remember what they did.
I assume if your life is on the line, that's everything is heightened, but you don't remember any of it.
It's just, I have to survive.
I don't think it's that as much as they're so focused on delivering shots.
They're so focused on delivering shots until like in a trance.
Boy, not my theory, Joe.
You're the most good theory.
Your theory is great for pussies.
Shut the fuck up.
Eat some beef.
Right, Joe?
Come on.
It's a really good thing.
Get the beef.
If you weren't talking about the toughest people in the world, your maybe you're just scared theory would be great.
You don't think Akash would be a good fighter?
Oh, he's easy.
A lot of smart guys are good fighters.
Say again.
He's a lot of really smart guys.
Oh, I didn't say that.
He's a very smart dude.
I have no good.
He's a good recall, actually.
The worst recall.
Yeah, but you're smart, man.
I'll be reading shit and forgetting it in 30 seconds.
Every time y'all ask me for something I talked about two weeks ago, I'm like, I don't know, man.
But is that the case, or is it just that you don't give a fuck about what they were talking about?
Like, if something matters to you, do you remember?
I still forget.
Dead ass, dude.
I read about what every Hindu holiday means every year, and then I forget the next time it comes around.
But what if that's something that's important?
Like, what if your wife is telling you something that happened?
I wasn't listening in the first place.
So, what could you do?
You know, that's not good.
Well, you all, you see, that's not good.
Don't do that at home.
Seem to have a commitment to this ideology.
Come on, Mark.
It's his fucking fault.
He got me high.
This chair goes back so far in the audience.
You do have comfy, comfy choices.
But this one, because I'm all the way back here.
Try to shoot me even.
Come on.
It does make me feel like sitting here, like more casual.
It's more casual.
It's chill, bro.
Yeah, yeah.
Like the office chair.
I'm always in like these little fucking chairs that make you sit up like this.
Yeah, yeah.
But don't these hurt your back after you're talking about it?
No, Prop that shit ball.
Get a little lumbar support if you need it.
It hurts him sometimes.
Yo, you know your boy Cameron?
Yeah.
Who's awesome, by the way?
Yeah, I love that.
Why does he carry the animal himself if he has a photographer?
Well, because the photographer doesn't carry animals for you.
Yeah, what?
But he could.
No, no, no, no.
You just take an animal carry.
This guy also could take it.
He's got expensive cameras.
He's not going to throw a fucking barrel.
You know, those are completely different skill sets, right?
I don't know.
You know, good photography.
This guy's an artist.
The photographer's an artist.
He's dumbass, dude.
No, I'm just saying, I watch this shit all the time.
He's my motivator.
Like, I just love it.
He got great music choices also.
You know what's interesting?
He's on the New York Times bestseller list.
Oh, really?
Yeah, and I don't know if I'm supposed to say this because it's kind of weird.
But he should have the number one book in nonfiction based on the numbers.
But they put him in self-help instead.
Which is like, it's really weird.
And he goes, he's number eight in the New York Times on how-to books, but he outsold the number one nonfiction book and the number one audio book and didn't make either of those lists.
So you think they're hating on him?
I don't know.
I mean, why would you?
Like, it's maybe an idea.
New York Times, dude, liberals.
I know, but they shouldn't do that.
It's so silly.
It's like you have an idea of who that guy is.
He's a super sweet guy.
Wait, what's the bad thing about him?
He's a family man.
He's a bow hunter.
He's a very manly bow hunter, but he's also an ultra marathon runner.
He's a savage.
I want to go home.
He's a psycho.
I want to go.
He's a psycho in the nicest way possible.
Meaning that he's the type of dude that's like, how many miles are we running?
500.
Well, guess a better pack of lunch.
And he just can go.
He'll just go.
If his body doesn't explode, if he doesn't have a heart attack and die.
You guys men.
He's been across the fence.
He can't do the special.
He's a beast.
You should go hunting with him.
I want to go hunting.
You can't have been hunting.
You can care the animals.
I've never been hunting.
We're camping.
He'll take you.
Will we camp?
Because I want to do this.
You've never camped?
I've never gone camping.
Burning man was his camping.
But that was inside an RV with air conditions.
Camping, listen, camping is amazing, but I recommend doing it where grizzly bears don't live.
Have you wait?
Why?
Yeah, I don't think I would camp.
I just, I am not interested in being around grizzly bears.
You have a fear of grizzly bears.
Everyone should have a fear of grizzly bears.
Because if there was only one grizzly bear and it was a myth, like if a grizzly bear didn't exist, but then it was in a movie.
And there was this thing that's a 900-pound predatory wild dog.
Everyone's dead.
It just roams through the woods.
No fences.
No fences.
Oh, you want to climb a tree and get away?
Break down trees.
Break a moose's back.
My friend watched through a scope.
He was looking through like a long-range scope.
He watched his bear as it was chasing.
They're like, oh, shit, it's Jason.
It's Jason.
The bear caught up to the moose and broke its back.
With a slap.
Just bang.
And the moose is fucked, slams against the side of this tree.
The bear took down a fucking moose.
Those are just running around.
And you're going to have a little cloth house that you sleep in.
But what if you scare them by yelling at them?
Well, you might scare them off.
Generally speaking, they're not going to want to kill you because you're not a primary food source.
They focus on what they try to eat.
They're trying to eat berries.
They try to eat animals.
They try and eat a lot of fawns and calves.
That's what they want.
Terrifying Bear Hunt Stories00:11:58
They want babies.
Right when they get out, they're the most vulnerable.
And bears are on the hunt right around that.
Did you see this one?
Oh, my God.
It's the most terrifying.
I've said for years that bears are my biggest fear.
And you guys made fun of me relentlessly.
Wait, wait, was it?
This is the polar bear.
This is the polar bear.
This one is fucked.
I live in Florida.
Yeah, there's mad bears where I live.
But what's going on?
Where do you live?
Oh, I grew up in Florida in North America.
Oh, there's a lot of bears in Florida.
But they were like little black bears.
They weren't even that big.
Little, but they'll still kill people.
But this thing right here?
So this is him just being curious.
He's just kind of looking at me.
No, no, no, no.
Incorrect.
You don't think you're there?
No, that's a polar bear.
He smells meat, and he's trying to get in there and eat that dude.
That's 100% what's going on.
He's not curious.
You know that you're sniffing around?
Uh-uh.
He smells like a polar in there?
That polar bear.
Look at this.
That polar bear smells that man's meat.
That's why he's doing this.
This has nothing to do with curiosity.
He is trying to bite that box to eat that man.
100 million percent.
I mean, this is insane.
Yeah, because polar bears only eat meat.
They're not like any other bear.
They're the most predatory of all bears because they don't have any other options.
They don't have any vegetables.
There's no grass.
All they eat is fucking seals or anything else.
Yeah, photographer's anything that's there.
Polar bears will come for you.
So, what do you do in that situation?
Dude, prey.
I heard the most terrifying story of these explorers.
They were on an icebreaker and they were on an icebreaker.
I don't even know if this is true.
What's an iceberg?
So, they're out there wherever the polar bears live.
And they have a leak in their boat, and they have to literally get off the boat because the boat's sinking.
So, they make their way to an ice raft.
They get off the boat onto this ice raft and they wait.
And there's multiple hours before someone can come get them.
And they see a polar bear.
And they see a polar bear on a neighboring ice raft.
And he's looking at them and he stands up and bloom comes up in the water and pops up on the next one next to it.
And they're like, oh man, back in the water, pops up on the next one next to it until he's right next to them.
He dives in the water, comes up onto their ice raft, takes one of the guys, grabs him, pulls him into the water, swims with him over to the other one, and starts eating him right in front of those dudes.
Holy shit.
So they're standing there going, What the fuck?
Where do you think it was heading at?
Get away before.
And then the boat comes.
So they have to watch their friends get eaten by a fucking polar bear.
They have to watch their friend get eaten alive by fucking they eat you alive too.
They don't bother killing you.
Do you have any friends that died from like grizzlies or anything like that?
No.
No, I don't.
I do have friends that have been chased by grizzlies and attacked by grizzlies.
Brown bears.
Well, most of the time, it's what they're trying to do is scare you.
Most of the time, it's like a female with her cubs, and you just zigged when you should have zagged.
That's his thing.
He thinks he could zag at the right moment.
There's no zagging with bears.
And that's happened with friends where they got charged, you know.
Shot at them.
Can you remember what happened with camera?
No, he never had to do that.
But Steve Renella from that show Meat Eater has a horrifying story of they had shot an elk on a Fognac Island, which is this island in Alaska where the biggest brown bears live.
These things are fucking huge, man.
Like 11-foot-tall bears.
Right?
They're monsters.
And they killed this elk.
And when they went back to retrieve it, they noticed bear shit.
And they ignored it.
And they said, let's just sit down, have lunch, and we'll carry this meat out of there.
And they heard a noise, and then they turned.
And there was this fucking giant beast just running through the camp.
And they all stood up, and guys were falling over each other.
The bear was like running right past them.
One guy, this guy's named Dirtmouth, wound up on top of the bear as it was running down the hill for like 30 feet, falls off onto the ground.
The bear runs off into the woods and starts hoofing at them.
And then they scramble back to the camp.
They didn't have their guns on them.
The guns were sitting there.
All they were doing was eating lunch.
They had no idea it was going to happen this fast.
And then all of a sudden, they've got guns.
They've got to try to back out of there.
Wow.
But the bear had claimed their elk.
Of course.
Oh, it took their kill.
They got off easy.
He decided it was theirs.
Oh, yeah, they got off easy.
They just lost an elk.
Who cares?
Who cares?
They're lucky that's it.
I don't even know if they lost the whole elk.
I think they only lost part of it.
I think they were in the process of cutting it up and shipping it and moving and moving it back to their camp, which was like a couple of miles away in this rugged terrain.
This thing just came out of nowhere.
Yeah.
Is it just the bear that you have to worry about?
You got to worry about everything, man.
That's the thing that's great about the woods is that it's a human reset.
When you're like legitimately out in the mountains, it's a human reset.
Right.
Because you realize, like, oh, oh, no one gives a fuck who you are out here.
No one gives a fuck about you.
Yeah.
Everything here is trying to do their thing.
Right.
Them bulls are literally killing each other to fuck.
They're killing each other.
What do you mean?
They grow weapons every year.
They compete.
They kill each other.
I don't know they attack each other.
That's how female chooses.
The males will, like, there'll be competition.
Whoever wins as the dominant male, that's who the female will mate with.
Dude, mate.
So bullshit.
Whenever she's in a seat or whatever, that's when male competition happens.
She's saying, I'm going to choose the dominant male because I want the strongest genes for my offspring.
Yeah.
I control this because I got the animals.
So look at how look.
They start smashing at the water.
Those are two big ass bulls.
No.
And they decided they both want to be the king of the herd.
And so they have to go to war.
So if you are in the woods and you're elk hunting and you hear clackity clack, clackety clack, you're like, oh shit, they're fighting and you could run in and kill one of those bulls because they're distracted.
Yeah, have you seen what?
They got locked up.
Sometimes they'll like lock up their antlers and they'll just die that way.
Dude, i've watched this personally from you know, 50 yards away.
Really, it's amazing, it's amazing to watch.
It's wild yeah, it's terrifying.
And then what happened?
Well, in the my situation, the wind was bad and we never really could get a shot.
It was like there was too much, there was too many trees and for us, by the time we got to them, they had smelled us and took off.
What's the biggest animal you could beat the out of?
I don't think I could beat out of a monkey.
No, scared a monkey, would me?
What about a wolf?
I'm not kidding.
Did you see that video?
Do you ever see that video?
A monkey pulls that strip of that dude's head off.
Oh, monkeys are freakishly strong, but it just climbs.
This guy's like trying to be peaceful.
He's like on his on his, like sitting crisscross applesauce, and the monkey comes and sits on him and it's like, hello, my friend he's like, and the monkey just bites his head and pulls a giant chunk of his scalp off and runs away.
Can you get that up?
I mean, pulls like a subway sandwich sized chunk of scalp from this dude's head.
I'm not bullshitting like this big.
Do we have monkeys?
Uh, in America?
No, we do not.
What about South America?
South America has some monkeys.
Yeah, Arian Foster, who's a football player, he said I could take a wolf.
Yeah, he's crazy.
We talked about on the podcast.
We did a podcast together.
That's ridiculous.
No chance no, impossible.
Even you're a no chance, no chance, no chance you would get.
It's literally like a machine that crushes moose bones.
Okay okay so, no animal.
A wolf's bite is five times stronger than a pit bull's.
Okay, did you see this?
And their teeth are designed to crush bone.
Oh, this is the craziest i've ever seen.
What are you doing in this situation?
So this is a.
This is a family that went to Thailand for like a trip.
Okay, if i'm not mistaken.
So they're like hanging out and they go to like an orangutan exhibit and this is like one of the.
This is not graphic, but this is one of the things that they do.
Watch this lady get bit, but but she's just chilling there and then they do like an orangutan experience and this is what happens.
He walks up behind her.
Do you see grabbing, grabbing boobs, smiling tongue out.
He smiles and then just dips.
But I don't think I would want to be that close to an orangutan ever in my life.
No yeah, it's not necessary.
If that thing wanted to, it could pull you apart Like a roll of toilet paper.
Just shh.
Yeah.
It could pull you apart like you were nothing.
Yeah, these people are like.
We think of our, like, oh, it's not that much bigger than me.
It's like, it's kind of the same size as me.
It's not even the same thing.
Strength to weight ratio.
We're made out of jelly donuts.
That's what it is.
There's not a goddamn animal where you wouldn't be able to fight off a feral cat.
Bears are the scariest animal.
I'm glad we actually cleared that up.
I think they're one of the scariest.
I accept that as an apology.
But big cats might be even scarier.
I'm more afraid of a big cat.
Big cats are scary.
Way more afraid of cats.
Bears, I feel like I could get away, or I feel like I do something, but with a tiger or a lion.
I'm being dead serious, but with a tiger or a lion, I feel like there's nothing.
Do you remember when you scared me with the bear thing?
No, what was that?
Do you remember this?
I forget where we were.
We were at some comedy club.
I told you about my fear of bears.
And I was like on edge all day because I was like going through all my childhood trauma with bears.
And then you just popped out of nowhere at the comedy club.
I think we're in like Salt Lake City.
Do you have a lot of childhood trauma with bears?
I mean, kind of.
I was a kid, it was the scariest thing in the world because we would just be sitting in our house and all of a sudden all the trash cans would rattle.
And I'm like six years old and all the dogs would start barking crazy and then we'd run outside.
There'd be a bear there.
And Florida bears are like Florida people.
They're all very, very unpredictable.
Smoking PCP.
These bears are crazy.
Unpredictable.
Running from the law.
Wearing Trump hats.
Yeah, they got guns and shit, bro.
These bears have guns, dude.
And I would go outside and I would just bump into one and I'd run inside.
I'm like six years old.
And then my family found out about it.
They bought a bear mask.
And then we had a full bear mask and I'd be sleeping in my bed, eight years old.
My brother kicks in the door, wakes me up, and growling, and I'd wake up and there'd be a bear fighting.
This is amazing.
So we made fun of you because of this?
I didn't listen to a lot of things you said earlier.
I got so terrified of bears.
And then they knew once I got comfortable with the bear mask, then they just flipped the mask inside out.
Oh, my God.
So it was like just a beige.
Oh, and then we did something.
We drank.
We were planning to do it.
I don't know if we ever did it, but we wanted to scare you with a full bear costume.
I was terrified.
It's still covered.
Oh, my God.
Please go.
It's going to come.
That's the scariest animal.
Real bears are fucking, they're weird to see because you actually see them in the wild.
I saw one grizzly, and it wasn't a big one.
It was only about six feet tall, but it stood up and it was looking at us.
It was looking at us in a totally different way than anything's ever looked at me.
I saw a bear when I was in fucking Montana and its cub.
Nothing to me.
It didn't.
I was biking.
Might have been a black bear.
Maybe a black bear.
Grizzly man.
I swear to God in my life.
I was at my boy Edmundo's bachelor party.
We're doing a bike trip.
I don't believe you.
You need to get high.
I'm out of it.
I baby.
He's not arguing with you.
He's fighting against the feeling the weed is bringing inside of his head.
What is the feeling?
I don't think I'm high anymore.
I think it passed.
Oh, yeah, you're fine.
Okay, let's get him a little bit more then.
More afraid of bears.
Give us a blunt because we're in New York.
Depends on where you are.
We got to smoke a backwood with a bag.
Oh, yeah, pop these out.
On the ground, bring the whole joint over.
On the ground.
No, no, give the whole thing.
Oh, we got the dipped ones.
That's too crazy for me.
Just bring the whole thing over and then we can choose.
So here's my answer.
On the ground, a bear is not as scary as a shark is in the water.
Oh, bro.
Shark is the ape fashion.
I'm way more afraid of sharks.
Way more afraid of alligators.
Way more afraid of.
Have you ever smoked a backwood, Joe?
Yeah.
You really have?
Yeah.
Who the fuck do you smoke a backwood?
I'm telling you, it's not that unique to New York.
No.
I thought this is like a Brooklyn, New York thing.
No, they spread around.
Charlie Murphy introduced me to the concept back in the day.
He was the first guy I ever smoked blunts with, and I was like, oh.
Really?
I was like, this is better.
Yeah.
Boxing Kicks And Ring Fights00:06:33
Blunts are better.
You just have to admit that you're enjoying the tobacco.
There's a conversation online with me and Wiz Khalifa about that.
He's like, why do you like blunts?
I go, I think I like the tobacco.
He's like, I'm glad you're honest about that.
A lot of people, they don't want to admit that they like that tobacco part.
But the tobacco is not good for you, right?
But it's awesome.
But it's awesome.
I would smoke tobacco.
Why I like cigars.
Oh, yeah.
The Schultz, after a few beers, I'll just say, I love cigars.
He's lighting up a cigarette.
I don't really like cigars that much, but cigarettes are great.
I love a cigarette.
Well, you know what cigarettes do?
They give you a head.
Ooh, that's nice.
They give you a head rush.
That's good stuff.
Cigarettes give you a.
We talk about his legs.
He's thinking, he's going, I could never make my legs bigger.
And John Jones can't do it.
I can't.
I'm like, yes.
I'm just apex.
That's Apex.
You think he's the best ever, bro?
There's a real good argument.
He's the best ever, but I don't think there is one best ever, honestly.
Why not?
Because I think it's like all, there's so many variables.
There's like the quality of the competition.
There's the length of the rain.
There's, you know, there's so many, there's like weight classes like 125.
But there's a real argument that Mighty Mouse is the greatest of all time.
A real argument.
Did you see that fun against the Muay Thai guy?
Yeah, that was amazing.
I love that Muay Thai.
Because he had to get through that first round, Rod Tang.
He had to go through that first round before he can likes MMA.
It was a crazy rule set.
I like how they did it.
I'm getting high.
Get high, son.
Yeah, they did one round.
One round Muay Thai.
One round MMA.
Yeah.
And then one round Muay Thai, one round MMA.
It only went two rounds.
Yeah.
All Mighty Mouse had to do was get through that first round, essentially.
And then he took him down quick and got his back.
I got enough.
Are you good, son?
You want one more?
No, I'm good.
Okay, good.
Yeah, yeah.
Once he took him down, it was a wrap.
But it was so much, it was so interesting to see him like respect the distance.
Like that first round, Rod Tang was just walking straight into him.
He didn't give a fuck.
Mighty Mouse even landed a couple shots.
But the second round, when he knew that there was like jiu-jitsu a player wrestling or anything, to see him backing up, keeping like four feet in between the two of them, like going, I cannot engage with this guy because if he gets me on the ground, it's a rap.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mighty Mouse is legit.
And him leaving the UFC and then going over and fighting with completely different rule sets, too.
They have a thing they did over there where they allow people to soccer kick your head on the ground.
Yeah, that's fire.
Oh, really?
Yeah, you can knee to the head on the ground and you can soccer kick.
That's legitimately crazy.
But is it that much crazier than the rules that exist?
Yeah, guys, damn, you're unconscious.
You can just kick the fuck out of the way.
No, no, you don't mean when he's unconscious.
You mean when I mean when he's going out.
I mean, he's still away.
Yeah, no, he's right.
It's tricky.
It's very tricky.
The problem is, it's like for us, like for one single blow, it's one of the most powerful things a person can do.
Because it's a natural human movement, right?
It's a natural human movement to just do that.
That's so normal.
Everybody knows how to run.
So anybody who runs can probably kick a soccer ball pretty fucking hard.
And when someone is going out and they're already like collapsed and the referee can't get to them in time, that person, if you can't soccer, could come in the head, might survive because you get on top of them and you ground a pound them.
Maybe they deflect some stuff and maybe they clinch.
Maybe the referee like, oh, he might pull out of this and he go.
But if you were allowed a soccer kick, a lot of those fights are done.
A lot of those fights are done.
If you're allowed to soccer kick and you just go watch some of the fights in Japan, Japan allowed soccer kicks.
But it was different because Japan allowed it in a ring.
And in the ring, you can kind of move around the ring.
The cage, you can't go anywhere.
So soccer kicks in a cage are uniquely problematic because you could get to a position where you're pinned.
Your head is pinned.
The cage is here.
And a guy could just punt your fucking face, which is, I mean, I mean, I can't imagine getting hit harder than that.
But it's happened.
And, you know, it's been a big factor in the fights where it does happen.
Where you're allowed to do that?
Yeah.
Where you're allowed to kick a guy or knee a guy in the head when they're down.
And so what 1FC, I think, has decided is they're going to allow that.
That's like the soccer kicks.
Yeah, I've seen some rough ones.
Have you ever?
Did you ever get dropped?
I've been dropped.
I've never been knocked unconscious, but I got TKO'd.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I got hit with a left hook and my legs gave out.
They went like boink.
Can I?
It was really interesting.
It didn't hurt.
It was like it just, they just shut off.
Yeah.
They just shut off.
And then I got back up and then I got hit with an uppercut and the referee stopped the fight.
But it was, I was conscious the whole time, but I was aware that I was like ready to go out.
Sparring ever, ever been closed?
No, never been knocked out.
I've been hurt for sure.
I've been dropped.
I've been, you know, probably, I don't know how many times I've been hit really hard where I had to like go home.
But that's totally normal.
Yeah.
That's part of the problem with any kind of combat sport is like when you're learning, it's not just the fights that you have that give you damage.
It's also all the train.
Like what Shaw was talking about with training with that guy Shane Carwin.
Yeah.
He said Shane used to like ring his bell all the time.
Yeah.
Like that's where I would see a lot of guys that had like one pro fight.
Do you know who Jerry Quarry is?
How do you spell it?
Oh, the boxer.
Jerry Quarry the boxer.
Yeah, the boxer.
It's a famous story because Jerry Quarry fought Muhammad Ali.
And, you know, it was like in a lot of people's eyes, like, wow, how did he hang in there with Muhammad Ali?
Like, sort of like this story where people are like romanced and like, yeah, he gave it a great shot.
Yeah, yeah.
But he was one of those guys that was a very good fighter in an age of very great fighters.
And he fought the best of the best and took some tremendous beatings.
But his brother, who I think had very few fights, had just as much brain damage as him.
Wow.
And his brother and him used to spar.
So it's all that training.
Jerry Quarry Vs Muhammad Ali00:15:19
And part of it.
So it's not one or the other.
Obviously, fighting Muhammad Ali is terrible for your brain.
Yes.
Right.
Obviously, all those other great, great fighters he fought for your brain.
But those sparring sessions cannot be denied.
Yeah.
Dude, there's, you know, who James Toney is.
Fuck yeah.
Of course, you know.
I mean, if James Tony is an amazing boxer, and he also played Walt, no, no, who?
He played Frasier.
Not for Walt Fraser, but Joe Fraser in the Ali movie.
The one with Will Smith.
With Will Smith.
Oh, yeah.
Remember?
Anyway, so.
I never watched that movie, to be honest.
Why is she telling you to watch movies and you don't fucking watch them?
Did you see everything everywhere all at once?
No, I haven't because I haven't gone to the movies yet.
I'm waiting for you.
Have you spoken to Ari about it?
About streaming?
Yeah, yeah.
He loved it.
We had like a long story.
What are you going to see first?
That or Top Gun?
Bro, you got to see Top Gun.
That, I'm going to see that.
Top Gun, I've got to be high, so I'm going to be Top Gun.
You can't watch Top Gun Sober.
Yes, you can.
Not me.
Why not?
Not me.
I need to be intoxicated.
Wasn't it?
So you can bring hot Tom Cruises without feeling weird about it?
No, no, I'm cool with that part.
No.
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Now let's get back to the show.
Yo, who's the hottest guy?
That's a good question.
Probably Thor, right?
Dude, Chris fucking joined.
Don't do that.
Right, guys?
You guys agree, right?
Jason Momoa.
This is between Jason Momo and Thor.
Did you ever watch his workouts?
No.
People go, you think he's steroids.
Well, he's actually, yeah.
For sure, you saw it as not knocking on Chris Hemsworth's door, but you don't get that big without immense amounts of hard work.
There's no way.
You just don't.
People think he always just take good steroids, bro.
That's relax.
Can you get those girls off the screen?
And can we get back to that hot guy, Mark?
Thanks a lot, bro.
My bad.
Come on.
Yeah, you got to use an ad blocker, bro.
Son, Al is trying so hard to participate.
It's so funny.
Isn't he good looking?
Al, isn't he good looking?
He's kind of hot.
Who's your number one guy, Al?
Who is it?
You know, how long we've been doing this podcast?
I know Al's number one guy.
Okay, go.
It's the guy from This Is Us.
Yeah.
A drama?
Yeah, it's Al's obviously in a white guy's.
Oh, it's the white guy from This Is Us.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Justin Hartley.
Justin Hartley.
He's no Thor, bro.
He's dying.
He's a Thor, bro.
Is he a brunette?
Is he a brunette?
Yeah, because that's like the ultimate insult.
You know Thor, bro.
What?
You're no Thor.
I mean.
Who is?
That's your number one guy.
Hold on, hold on.
That's your number one guy of any dude on the fucking planet.
That's the guy who.
No, that's Jason.
This is the guy.
Cheers Morgan is on top of your head.
Now it's okay, right?
He's like, oh, yeah.
He got number one.
Pale face.
I was taking a hole.
I was the same guy.
Who's your number one, I guess?
Idris Elba.
Really?
That's a little bit of a bad thing.
It's everything.
That's a white man, bro.
Watt Luther, tell me you don't fall in love with Indris Elba.
He likes personality.
He's fucking weird.
What's the character in the show?
He's served the day.
It's not personality.
He just has a confidence about him.
He's even gay.
He's even gay.
He's so witty.
Yeah, no, no, he's confident.
That's all it is.
Yeah, Joe's just about body, dude.
I like the guy's personality a little bit.
You're right.
Itre's a little old for me.
Right.
See, so that's in you.
See, you're assuming you would be the top.
He's assuming he would be the bottom.
That's what that was.
That's a great point.
That's 100% what it is.
He's like, Illitrous is my man.
And you're like too old.
You think you've been the topic Thor?
You think I'm going to be able to do that?
That's exactly what is his point.
You think you're going to top out Thor?
You think you're not Thor's mom?
No, I don't think that, but I don't think about Thor that way.
I don't think about Thor that way.
You're the one who submitted me.
I think you do, Joe.
We both think the bottom of the body.
I don't care about it.
Listen.
You're offended.
But you couldn't top out Thor, bro?
Nah.
What do you mean?
He's blonde.
He wouldn't want to.
Go for it.
Why would you want to?
No, no, no.
I got to talk about Thor.
Andrew stare at you.
You don't want to flip him.
I've got to be able to see this thing.
I got my expectations, bro.
You ain't got to be a missionary.
Yo, look at me, Thor.
Stop fucking around, bro.
Oh, my God.
It's prime month.
We out of here.
I respect that.
Mark, you haven't said anything.
Catholicism have anything to do with it?
The most beautiful man is Jesus Christ.
Real talk, though.
No, Jesus got all y'all gay.
Fire stories.
Or Malibu from American Gladiator, bro.
Oh, yeah.
Mark got ombre in his hair one time.
Because of Malibu.
One time.
Malibu?
Does he keep doing this?
Oh, yeah, bro.
Malibu's my number one.
Malibu kind of got it, bro.
Come on.
Have you ever been to a furry convention?
Oh.
We're talking about a girlfriend.
We're going to talk about.
For real.
We're talking about who you're attracted to, right?
You know what those people do?
Yes, I do.
He's too high to have a confidence.
It's perfect.
It's perfect.
There was a UFC once?
No.
And it was in Pittsburgh.
It was a UFC furry convention.
No, no, no.
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm trying to tell you a story.
I thought it was both of the UNC ones in Pittsburgh.
And the day we flew into town was the same day as a furry convention.
So we landed at the airport.
We get the rental car.
We're driving to the hotel.
And along the way, we're like, what the fuck is going on?
So what do you do?
You like hop out and suck their dicks?
Jesus.
They're animals.
Marijuana is not good for everybody, ladies and gentlemen.
If we've learned anything today, it's don't give in to peer pressure.
Imagine he ain't when some drug addict offers you their damn drug of choice.
You never don't listen to them.
Bro, he's much more high than me.
I'm not high, but I got up hit.
Well, you should probably go ahead and do that.
Hold on, so the furry convention, go.
You guys pull up.
Who is it?
It's you who?
I don't remember who was with me at the time.
It was probably some of the folks that worked at the UFC.
We're probably, I don't remember, but I remember that as we were on our way to the hotel, we were like, why is everyone dressed like a mascot?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, I was like, what is going on?
And we're passing by, what the fuck is happening here?
And then somebody figured out that it was a furry convention.
And by the time we got to the hotel, we became friends with the guy who worked at the front desk.
And he goes, dude, I'm so glad normal people are staying here.
I go, what do you mean?
He goes, most of the hotel is furries.
I go, what?
I go, well, what's the big deal?
He goes, do they want a litter box?
No.
They asked for a litter box to put in the front courtyard.
I go, what?
Disgusting.
They literally asked, they requested a litter box.
They were eating all of their food off of bowls.
I'm like, are you fucking serious?
He goes, no, dude, it's crazy.
He goes, it's not.
He goes, I'm not saying everybody's doing it.
He goes, there's different levels.
I'm just saying we also use bulls.
It's not the craziest thing.
Little boxes.
Some of these people are like Asians doing party drugs and fucking each other while they're wearing their costumes.
And I never take the costumes off.
I love that.
Burn a bit.
I mean, that's crazy.
You think that's that crazy?
I don't think it's that crazy.
I just don't want you to know.
The tuberbox is fucking insane.
Yeah, they got to have them Pixar bodies, though.
The Pixar animals are fired.
That's my point.
The Pixar animals got the dumb dumpsters.
But I don't like that they're cartoon animals.
Like, I like animals.
If you're going to dress up in like one, be it like actual market.
Stop it.
Like the one that scared you as a child.
What the fuck is he doing, bro?
Be a full volume.
Mark, what type of bears?
You really like rainbow shirt?
Bro, he got you in a pink Floyd shirt.
Isn't that crazy?
Do you like pink Floyd?
Oh, fuck yeah.
Yeah, he loves them.
The gays are on the rainbow.
We all know this.
Yeah.
Really?
Yes.
Yes.
Wait, pinky.
He pointed at me when he said gays.
But the rainbow.
He pointed at me.
He was like, the gays are there.
Oh, yeah.
Rainbows are theirs now.
They got that, bro.
They got that.
Damn, man.
How do we get back the rainbow?
We have to share it.
They can keep it.
I bet if Crimson.
Come on, bro.
That's a brother.
I have a fire one, too, damn.
Merry Krim.
Merry Krimmer.
Back it up, Terry.
That's what my brain tells me.
That's been single time.
I say it.
Greatest video ever.
Do you know about Terry?
You know about Back It Up, Terry?
Back It Up, Terry.
You haven't seen Back It Up, Terry?
I might have.
You've definitely seen Back It Up Terry.
What is this?
Mark, please get back it up, Terry.
Let me pull it up.
One second.
Back it up, Terry.
Okay, hold on.
Why am I scared?
No, this is actually really fun.
Put that volume up.
Bro, this shit is unreal.
We're fucked.
All right, so this dude, Terry, is in a wheelchair.
It's a motorized wheelchair.
He's lighting a firework with his family on 4th of July.
Oh, no.
Okay.
Okay.
Hold your hands, you go.
Two cars, come on.
Two cars coming.
They're being saved.
Two cars coming, two different ways.
Two cars coming.
Two different movies.
Bang up, Terry.
Oh, no.
Oh, Eve.
I'm so loud.
What you doing?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
He doesn't try to help him at all.
You can't.
Oh, my God.
Just the best video, bro.
Come on, bro.
You need to get prepared.
Do you want to see a dude?
He didn't even move the camera.
That shit was perfectly stable.
He was worried about the cars, but as soon as the fireworks started going, hold on, what you got for us?
What you got for us?
Do you want to see a dude get his hand blown off by a fire?
That's way less fun.
And then Chuck will be.
You want to see a guy going to somebody see him take it out of his hand, bro?
That's what I'm saying.
I like the way you think.
Yo, back it up, dude.
What do we got?
Tell Mark that.
Trying to find this video.
Oh, here it is.
I found it.
Watch this.
Go full screen.
This is what is this?
You're going to see.
So these guys are drinking apparently and one guy has a firework.
Oh, this is his hand.
Oh my gosh.
Watch this.
So the drink, firework goes off.
He didn't even realize that shit happened.
He's so drunk.
And now, no, no, no.
Now.
This shit is.
The guy who just had the firework go off in his hand stands up and he's holding up his hand.
Oh.
Now watch this.
Watch this.
It's like, yeah.
The white boy shit.
Yo.
I mean, I don't know what happened to his hand, but that should never happen to your hand.
Oh.
That's crazy.
It's a claw.
Okay.
Bro.
Why are you so high, dude?
This is embarrassing.
I'm fine.
You're not high at all?
I don't think so.
I don't think he's in an alt high.
Yeah.
Just Mark, can I hide at all?
You guys are such rookies.
He's smoking.
You guys are such rookies.
You get high and you go, are you high?
I'm high.
What about you?
I feel so young.
This is literally his.
Joey Diaz used to get so mad at me when I first started getting high.
He goes, Joe Rogan, I'm tired of hearing about this.
I know you're fucking high.
We're all high, we're all high.
But rookies always want to talk about how high they are.
Yeah, that change in state.
Just let it go.
Yeah, all right.
All right.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Watch this dude's fingers get munched by a lion.
Oh, my gosh.
This is the dumbest fucking thing of all time.
This one, I guess, I feel a little better about because he's kind of.
He's asking for it, bro.
How many fingers did he lose?
Satisfying The Cooking Tribe00:04:59
Nope.
Spoiler alert.
How many?
Oh, fuck me, dude.
So he's fucking with his life.
Fuck me, bro.
And then Jesus, don't make me watch this again and again and again.
Ah, fuck, fuck, He does deserve it, though.
Fully.
Fully deserved.
It's a thing like you're not going to win.
Yeah, bro.
And the more you pull, the...
Oh, boy.
I saw a 10.
Stop, stop.
Yeah, that was crazy, dude.
Mark is going to pull up more for sure.
Did I tell you about the mountain lion that I saw in Utah?
No.
Is that a lake?
No, this was in the woods.
We were driving, luckily, because we were in a car.
We were in a truck.
And this dude does with my friend Colton.
He stops the truck and goes, stop, stop.
Look under that tree.
And I go, oh my God.
You see a big cat, big, with a head like a pumpkin.
It's like 30 yards away.
And I have binoculars on.
So I'm looking at it through binoculars.
I'm like, holy shit, man.
It's like 180 pounds.
Just this fucking cat just sitting there.
Big ass pumpkin head, wild eyes that are reflecting the headlights off of the truck.
Oh, God.
It's like, this is crazy.
And then it darts behind that tree and it's off in the woods.
Like gone, like nothing.
Oh, God.
I'm like, you just, when you see something like that, that's that close to you physically, you're like, what?
What this idea?
I'm going to stop it.
I'm going to fucking want to come for me.
You ain't doing shit, bitch.
You ain't doing nothing.
You ain't doing nothing but dying.
You're not doing nothing.
It is humbling, right?
You get around.
I was in a car.
I was in the car and it was terrified.
Why do white people do this shit?
Are you just that bored?
I was in a car.
You're so precise.
Why do we do it, Joe?
It's so pretty.
I've never seen that in these animals in my life because I enjoyed it.
Yeah, but you enjoyed it.
Corey Anderson hunts.
He hunts a lot.
Corey from now on at Bellator used to fight for the UFC.
Where's that cigar lighter?
You want the shrooms?
No, the cigar lighter.
Here.
Oh, thank you.
No, I don't get it.
You don't get it.
You haven't done it.
But if you did it, you would get it.
Like if you eat meat and you actually get a chance to go and get it yourself, it's a different experience.
I remember talking to you about this.
I was like, do you think we'll ever get the dopamine hit that people back in the day got from like bringing a fucking deer back to their tribe or something?
We'll never get that level of satisfaction of like killing something and then bringing it back.
And then everybody gets to live.
For sure.
It's like if you catch a fish, right?
You get excited.
Why?
Because a long time ago, that meant your family would eat.
Yeah.
That's why it's exciting.
Oh, I got a big one.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Even if you're not going to keep it, even if you're going to like catch and release.
Yeah.
You're still excited if you get a big fish.
It's going to feed everybody.
Oh, I'm going to live today.
I'm going to live.
So that's what the fishermen are tapping into, the guys who just releasing.
100%.
Yeah.
100%.
And no one would deny that.
No one would deny that.
It taps into like ancient genetic memories we have of catching fish to feed our village.
Yeah.
We have a buddy.
I've been fishing before.
That's just boring until you finally catch a fish.
Right.
But when you get one outside.
This is like, hey, we're finally doing something.
Well, you might not be into it.
I'm not saying that you're into it so much so that the boring parts, like fishing is boring as fuck until it's not.
That's what fishing is.
So if you don't like the boring parts enough to get to where it's not boring, it's no big deal.
But the experience you get when it's not boring is undeniable.
Everybody, when you catch a big fish, you're like, oh, shit.
You see it coming.
It's genetic, man.
It's like in our system.
That's going to feed us.
That's why we, it's like a weird primal jolt of excitement.
And it's, it's built in memory because you had to have that because it would reward you for providing for your family.
Do people get that same thing out of cooking?
I bet.
Right?
Like, there's a satisfaction you get from cooking.
I can't imagine it's anywhere near the same.
No, not the same, but I guess I'm trying to understand why there is this love of cooking.
And it has to be baked into our DNA a little bit because you're providing a meal for these people that you love.
Yeah, it's not like it's probably more similar than you would think.
Because I think when someone decides to cook for a group of people and they all sit down and really love it, I bet they get an excitement that's very similar to like when a successful hunter knows he's going to feed his family.
It's like a thing like you provided, like you gave a bunch of people a good feeling.
That's really what it's all about.
Eradicating Pigs Like Wolves00:16:00
Yes.
It probably took dark.
Come on, I mean, for real.
No, I think about that.
I think it taps into like satisfying the tribe, if you will.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
And you're rewarded for it with a dopamine rush.
Yeah.
We're all little dopamine junkies.
I mean, that's what you're doing when you're trying to kill.
Trying to get smash.
Smash.
You just want to get big laughs.
Wait, does that does that feel like when you shoot the elk or whatever with the bow and arrow?
Like that's no, no, that's very difficult.
Does it feel like stand-up?
No, I'm not sure.
No, no, no, no.
But the thing, this is what's similar about them.
How do you improv in that situation?
No, no, you don't.
You really don't.
But you do have to improvise sometimes.
You have to move around.
But it's different.
This is why.
Let him get off it.
Oh, my God.
My most fun podcast.
Dopamine.
Bro, it's the dopamine rubber.
This is my most fun podcast ever.
We got antlers ever.
Hey, Al.
Hey, Bullwinkle.
Never been.
Hey, look at this bullwinkle, bro.
Yeah, bullwinkle's a good one.
Hey, there, Moose.
Hey, Moose, Moose, where are you from?
Don't talk to moose, by the way.
What?
Because they're the one animal that will kill you in the deer species.
What?
They'll chase you down and kill you.
But how would they kill your deer?
They'll stomp you to death.
Moose will, they regularly stomp people to death.
It's a normal thing.
Most people avoid them at all costs, but if you fuck up and you're too close to a moose, they'll come for you.
They're different.
They're different than any other wild animal because they deal with wolves.
So they're like real good at stomping.
Real good at just stomping the fucking shit out of me.
That's what they have to do.
If you want to stay alive, you're a moose.
You got to stomp the fucking shit out of everything near you.
So if you're talking shit to a moose in a parking lot in Anchorage, Alaska.
If you're talking shit to a moose in a parking lot in Anchorage, Alaska, you might get stomped to death.
Yeah.
That's real.
That's how Will Smith, bro.
That's not a little slap.
That's a stomp.
They're stomping.
They're 1,800 pounds when they're the giant bulls.
Yeah.
I might have made that up.
I'm just saying correct.
I like that number, bro.
I like your number, best.
Nope, no fast.
I'm a fat James elk.
Remember, we were talking about elk fighting and how crazy it is?
Moose fighting is next level.
Elk is the welterweight division.
Moose are heavier.
Moose are double the elk.
Double.
1400.
The size of an elk.
Up to 1,400 pounds.
Jeez.
Have you ever eaten them?
Seven feet tall.
Huge.
They're fucking gigantic.
Yeah, I've eaten a moose.
So what's more dangerous for humans?
Moose.
Moose, 100%.
Or bears?
Bears, for sure.
But you can avoid the moose.
You can avoid the moose if you're really smart and you don't frighten them and you don't get between them and their calves.
You're fine.
They don't want to fuck with you.
They're worried about you as a threat.
Bears are worried about you as a threat too, if they have cubs, but they also might be predatory.
A bear could be very hungry, especially like older bears.
Like that guy, Grizzly Man.
You ever watch that document?
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
That was crazy.
Bro.
What?
Bro.
You never watched Grizzly Man?
No, what's Grizzly?
It's the craziest documentary ever.
But look at the size of these motherfuckers.
Look at the size of these fuckers.
These are like 1,500 pounds or 1,400 pounds.
They're like enormous animals.
Yeah.
With huge saloon doors growing out of the size of their fucking heads.
Look at the size of them.
They're immense.
And for them to survive, they have to be able to fend off predators.
So if you just get too close to them, they'll just fuck you up.
Because they don't know what you are.
They've never seen a person.
They probably think you're a wolf.
Yeah.
You know, like if you get like next to a mother, a mother bull, if there's a bull elk, he might go after you if you like interrupt him or if you get too close where he feels threatened by you.
But the cows will stomp you if they have children.
I have a friend who lives up there.
And my friend Mike, shout out to Mike.
He was on his horse and he was running from a cow moose.
She was chasing him and the horse was running full throttle and barely getting away from this cow that had decided to chase after him because they had gotten too close to her calves.
That's real world.
That's not Twitter.
Okay.
Are you fucking people that are putting your pronouns in your Twitter bio?
Look at that.
That's real world.
Yeah.
Yeah, we need to go hunting, boys.
You know, I want to go on a hunting.
I don't know if you got it, bro.
If I need to kill something, I'll be honest.
I don't know if I need to kill him.
You definitely don't need it.
I want to be around.
So what would you do if you were on a hunt?
What do you think his role could be?
I'm a scout spy.
You can go on a cat.
I'll carry your weaponry.
If you're going to go on a hunt, you're a spy.
I would carry your weaponry now.
This is how you should do it if you really wanted to do it.
If you wanted to go on a hunt, you should go hunt something that's like ethical, where you really, there's really an imperative.
Like they have to remove them, like wild pigs.
That's a great example.
It's a great thing to hunt because they literally have to.
It's a terrible, the word cull is terrible.
They're killing them because there's millions of them.
They're destroying agriculture.
Texas has a fucking giant number of wild pigs.
Yeah, I can tell you that.
Don't go there.
I'm a Texas joke.
He can say they make that jokes.
Those are our work.
You can make it.
So if you wanted to do a hunt where you would get meat out of it, you get the full experience, and it's really doing good.
That's the best hunting.
It's pigs.
Wild pigs.
But I'm the one who do that helicopter one.
I think that's a little easier.
No, You want to do one like on the ground.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You want to do like a real pig hunt.
And it's not that difficult.
These guys are shooting them at night.
That's a lot of people do that.
They do it with thermal scope.
That's pussy.
Yeah, I want to be during the day.
I want to do it.
There's two things going on at the same time.
There's like, how close do you want to get to a fair fight?
Which is ridiculous.
You don't want to get close at all, so don't call anybody a pussy.
Two, you got to eradicate them.
You got to eradicate.
You got to eradicate them.
And what's the most efficient way possible?
Is there an animal that attacks humans other than I'm scared and I think he's a threat?
Yeah.
Yeah.
If she thinks that they can eat you.
A lot of animals that they think they can eat you.
A woman in Canada got killed by coyotes.
She was 19.
She was like this promising folk singer.
And she was like hiking in the woods and she got killed by coyotes.
Jeff, see, that's the thing about being white: you just got to do these fucking hikes.
Look at him assuming this girl was white.
What?
Wow.
She's a folks.
It doesn't matter.
A Canadian folk singer?
A fucking Cambodian?
Is a Canadian folk singer on a hike?
Come on, have you made jokes?
That's a good one.
You're absolutely correct, sir.
I'll be right back.
I got a pig, please.
Get in there, buddy.
Get in there, fellas.
You guys continue.
You guys continue.
Come on.
It's been too long.
This is Joe Rogan's flagrant right now.
This is what it is.
Welcome to the show, baby.
Keep rolling, bitch.
Come on.
The director has spoken.
Yeah, dude.
How is the marijuana treating you right now?
Hey, I just decided to let it be and I feel fine.
I don't think you did.
I don't know if I have to smoke more or less.
More.
Here's the thing.
I'm not, I don't want to be concerned about it, but I feel like this is the only time I'm going to get high in a long time.
Never been high.
I should get high.
But I also don't want to get fucking stupid baked where I'm useless on the podcast.
Right.
As funny as it would be to see me fall.
You cross the threshold and at least you know the cap.
Now you can just next time just take it.
Look at this.
Drunk advice.
Yeah, right?
I don't want to do it a bunch.
Maybe not.
Maybe never do it again.
Look, I'm the head of HR.
I feel like I should smoke weed with you.
Thanks very much.
Yeah.
I'm honored.
How are you so high on a pod that you couldn't function?
What is couldn't function?
I could function poorly.
That's the point.
Okay, that's a better question.
What's that?
I could function poorly.
I'm not high enough.
Don't say I'm not high enough.
Oh, get a little bit more high.
He's fine.
What are you doing, Drew?
Producing.
People instigated.
I'm not a kid all the time.
I'll peace soon.
I'll give you a shot.
Trying to make content for those goddamn content creators.
What a bunch of losers, huh?
Fucking YouTube stars.
Come on.
Who does that?
Who does such a thing?
Wouldn't you make your own show?
Great.
Want to watch a fucking show.
You just made it.
Oh, your rules.
You can't follow everybody's rules.
Isn't that amazing that that's like the best thing you can do right now?
Is this?
Yeah.
Like, the best thing we could all do is this.
Yeah.
The best thing.
Yo.
This is.
Listen, man.
No one's indebted to anybody.
We're all indebted to each other.
If there was only one person doing it, it wouldn't be any fun.
I can't think of a single thing you might possibly owe me.
Oh, man.
No one owes anybody anything.
We're all benefiting.
Like, we all benefit from being a part of a group of fun, interesting people.
We all benefit.
And it doesn't like, you know, you can make tallies and decide like who benefits this and who benefits that.
But it doesn't matter.
What matters is the only way any of this shit is fun is if there's many people doing it.
The only way it's fun is if you have all your friends having a great time doing the exact same thing.
Like everybody's trying to do the thing.
Everybody's doing their own version of the thing.
I don't think they're all doing that.
I don't think you realize that is a completely different paradigm.
That's like a complete, that's not what we grew up in at all.
And I do think you are at the forefront of that.
You don't have to put yourself there, but you are.
We can all eat.
This is for everybody.
That's brand new.
Well, you have to recognize where weakness is in you.
Like what bothers you about you?
You know, and what one of the things that bothers, what used to bother me about me is that I would get weirded out by other people who are better than me at stuff.
And I would not like them.
And I'd be like, why do I not like them?
Because they're better than me at something.
Like, what is that fucking weird weakness?
And I realized it was like a fear that there was like a finite amount of success that existed.
Yes.
And then you could only, you could only have a certain amount for yourself.
And if you were around other people that were doing well, it would somehow or another take something away from you.
It's weird.
I used to hate complimenting other people.
And I think I was just so scared to show any vulnerability that I wouldn't do it.
And now I'm like, yo, if I like anything you do, you deserve all the praise.
I never want to hold that back.
I'm just making this person feel not as good as he could.
I learned how to do that from a guy who is a pool hustler.
I was really good friends with a dude when I lived in White Plains.
I always play pool in White Plains.
I lived in New Rochelle, New York.
And I met this dude.
His name was Johnny.
And he was like this mathematical genius who was also homeless, who was a pool hustler.
And when I met him, he tried to hustle me in the game of pool.
I was terrible at pool.
I'm like, what are you talking about?
I could tell he was full of shit.
He was funny.
And I saw him there a bunch of times.
We became friends.
But he was like the first guy that I ever met that would tell you what he liked about the stuff that you did.
Like he would come with me to comedy shows and he'd be like, dude, that thing that you're doing.
And he would go into this like explanation.
I loved it.
And he would like, like, give you, like, I know your generation likes to call it give you flowers.
Yeah.
He would give you, he would give you love.
He would give you love that, like, I was like, oh, nobody does this.
Everybody like kind of like never compliments their friends.
Yeah.
And then I'm like, oh, this doesn't hurt you to do that.
I'm like, it doesn't change anything.
But that's what I'm saying is that's how different that thought is of what you're doing.
Is back in the day, you were a legitimate hustler if you made people feel good about themselves.
You're a con artist.
And now it's like, no, it's just what we should do.
Yeah.
Well, he was a con artist, but not like in the sense that he like, it was almost like a half of a joke because he was a like a world-class professional pool player.
Like he was just crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
And he had all sorts of, like, he was always trying to convince me to drive him to Harlem so that he could score.
It was wild.
It was a wild friendship because I was a young boy at the time and I was pretty fucking straight-laced because most of my time, like all through high school and into the time I was like 21, I was doing martial arts tournaments.
So I didn't drink hardly ever.
Mostly didn't do anything.
And I was pretty like on the grind.
And I met this dude who smoked crack.
He did all kinds of drugs.
And he was gambling.
He'd stay up and sleep.
I would meet him in 24-hour pool halls.
Like, I would have like an audition in Manhattan in the morning.
And I'd go, hey, man, I'd go, I got an audition in the morning.
Are you going to be at Chelsea?
And I'd meet him at Chelsea Villiers where he was sleeping.
Chelsea Villiards was a 24-hour pool hall.
And dudes would sleep under the tables.
They would just go to sleep.
They didn't have a place to live.
They just stayed at Chelsea.
They gave themselves horror washes in the bathroom.
Yeah.
You know, with like fucking paper towels.
Horror wash.
And, but that was the first dude that I ever met that, like, he would talk about like even people he didn't like.
He would like, this guy's a fucking asshole.
He goes, but watch how he does this.
Fired.
Yeah, it was amazing.
Like he would, he would tell me what they did wrong and he would be like, explain.
It's all fucking ego.
It's all their old bullshit.
They get scared when they think they might win.
Like he had this like mindset of understanding psychology.
But he could look at a guy that he fucking genuinely hated and tell you, dude, he does that really well.
That's a beautiful thing, dude.
He was an honest guy.
You know, he was a wild, crazy dude, but he was an honest guy.
And he was honest about it all the time.
So it's like, I just sort of adopted that.
Yeah.
So at the time, I guess I was like 23 or some shit.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
When I met this dude, yeah, maybe 24.
Somewhere in somewhere in that range.
And we started hanging out together.
And I was like, what a fucking interesting guy could play piano.
He could do math in his head.
Like you could have a calculator and you go 500 divided by six minus seven plus 11 and go 265.
Whatever.
So obviously that's not what the real name is.
I can't do that.
But he would literally be able to do it like that.
And we would do it with calculators.
It was like a trick that we would do at the pool hall where people would like let him, they would gamble with it.
He would tell people he could do that.
He would gamble with it.
Wow.
Wow.
And they would like do calculations and he could keep up with the fucking calculator.
He could play piano again with the mic, bro.
He took a whore bath that accidentally.
You ever played pool with a guy named Nick Shulman?
Nick Shulman.
I went to school with a kid and when we were in like is he a professional?
Well, he became a hustler.
This is when Amsterdam was like way uptown.
Yeah, I played there.
And there was another one on the east side called York or something.
I don't know.
There was another one on like Chelsea was the big one.
86.
I remember it.
No, right here.
Remember that Chelsea was a great place.
Two floors.
But what was the one on 86 between like second and third or something?
Anyway, this kid in high school, he would just like he stopped going to high school.
I went to middle school with him.
We stopped going to high school and just became a hustler.
Bro.
I don't know how these guys make money.
That's the thing.
Freezing Emotions In A Fight00:03:59
You don't make much.
But the thing is, the camaraderie of the pool hall is so fun.
When I was a young man and I first started hanging out in pool halls, because I really didn't play until, really didn't actually play pool until I was 21.
And I just had this girl that I dated and she was older than me.
And she was really competitive.
And she wanted to play pool because she thought she was good at pool.
She's always trying to beat me at pool.
I got you.
And I decided that I wanted to get good at pool because I didn't want to get beat by this girl.
So I practiced a little bit and I still sucked.
But I had this weird bug where I was trying to get good at it.
And then when I moved to New York, I fucked my knee up.
I tore my ACL.
Fighting?
No, no, just training.
I was just hitting the bag at the time.
I just, something twisted weird.
It was weird, real strange.
It might have been hurt already.
But anyway, it blew out.
And I couldn't do anything physical.
Like it's like anything like with my legs for like, it was like six months at least.
It was crazy.
I had to have a knee brace and shit.
And so I started playing pool with my friend John.
And we were hanging around these pool halls.
And I was like, oh, this is like a weird thing that these people are doing.
They're all figuring out how to control their emotions.
Like, this isn't as simple as a game.
This is like all these people get together and they all puzzle on how to control their emotions under extreme pressure.
And they're all trying to gamble more and more money to make the stakes higher and higher.
But it's all about who can control their emotions and who can keep that arm straight under extreme pressure.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because some of y'all need to get a new bong to smoke out of smoking out of these whack-ass bongs.
That's why your throat is hurting like crazy because you don't got the glycerin chambers.
Keep them nice and frozen so the smoke comes out icy, goes down smooth, comes out smooth.
Okay, not hacking, coughing away like you usually do with your whack-ass bong.
You need a freeze pipe, simple as that.
I don't know what to tell you, buddy.
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Let's get back to the show.
Yo, guys, also, the big daisy energy tour, the one we never got to finish because the pandemic is back.
I said, we're going on a tour.
We're hitting a lot of big cities.
We're selling the fuck out.
What do we do?
This is what we do.
We sell this shit out the way we're going to do if the pandemic didn't stop us.
So go to akashing.com for tickets.
We are going to be everywhere.
We sold out Austin.
We're heading to Zane's this weekend in Chicago and Rosemont.
Dallas and Fort Worth Hyenas at the end of June.
Cobbs Comedy Club in San Fran.
We're doing Vancouver, Orlando.
We're doing the Palisades.
Guys, we are going everywhere.
Go to akashsing.com for all those dates and plenty more.
This shit's going to be crazy.
Let's get back to the show.
Robots Eating Biological Material00:13:36
Is Elon compromised?
What does that even mean?
Well, I don't want to say compromised.
Like, no way he might be compromised by the aliens.
Yeah.
Yeah, because he was a little easy to dismiss aliens.
He goes, look, they're real.
They're very subtle.
Yeah, he didn't want to go into it at all.
Well, I didn't like his pyramid stuff either.
One of the reasons why, maybe, just like from a pragmatic perspective, guy does one podcast with me.
I get him to smoke weed.
His stock drops.
You know, NASA's mad at him.
Same thing.
Wait a minute.
Hold on.
And then he bounces back and everything's fine.
So next time you're on the podcast, probably better to dismiss aliens.
Nonsense, Elon.
Nonsense, Elon.
I don't know.
I don't think he has time to think about aliens.
Dude runs five fucking companies.
To him, it'd probably be really convenient if aliens just stay the fuck out of his way.
Yeah, he's got shit to do.
Like if they land, it's going to ruin everything.
Like if the aliens land, you know what kind of chaos it would be?
You think it's bad right now with the Republicans versus the Democrats?
Like what happens when the aliens land?
You think it's bad or you think we all link up?
That's the only time we'll be able to do that.
That's what we need.
That's every news.
What do we get?
They come here from other galaxies, bro.
But are they bringing their galaxy?
Yeah, the whole thing.
Are they bringing their good shit?
I don't know.
Like, are they bringing their good fighting stuff?
Are they just exploring?
Like, when we send astronauts out to space, we don't send them with any of our good shit.
Do you know what an eater robot is?
They don't got guns or nothing?
What is that?
An eater robot is a robot that runs on biological material.
Oh, don't make that.
They made a robot.
No, they've already made it.
It's a robot that's powered by biological material.
So I'm just saying, worst case scenario, this is a robot that eats bodies on a battlefield to stay alive.
And that's how it powers itself.
That's what it is.
So you can say, no, we don't mean biological material in that way.
We mean plant matter and dead rodents and what have you.
But there's a real fucking robot that they designed that eats biological material.
Who has it?
The U.S. has it?
As fuel.
It's called the E-A-T-R.
Google it.
E-A-T-R robot.
All right, now we got it.
When do you think they cancel this thing, man?
There's a fucking robot that it could eat bodies.
And it turns it into fuel.
Do you think aliens kill it?
I mean, robots kill us?
Oh, yeah.
Arcash is a big robot class.
I don't think they would want to.
Here's the thing.
Like, why would they want to?
Why would they not want to?
This is a cigar.
Oh, nice.
Well, it's not why would they not want to, because they would not act illogically.
We would have to give them a reason to kill us if they wanted to kill us.
Robots are not just going to kill us for no reason.
If we're not a threat anymore, what do they give a fuck?
But don't we really make everything, real talk, everything worse for every other species?
Oh, don't even say worse, just say less efficient.
Like, it might be easier if we're out of here, right?
Yeah, or just like if you're looking at the world and you're like, hey, what's the biggest problem that's hurting the world?
It's humans.
It's not right.
We're so cynical.
We're like, it's impossible for us to change.
So let's just assume that we'll never stop shitting all over the world and the robots are going to want to kill us.
I do assume that.
Yeah.
Okay, here's a question.
Do you think it's unfair to tell?
Okay.
I don't know how to word this.
You know how we had our industrial revolution, right?
My man, right?
That was like, hold on, What just happened?
We had the worst handbag ever.
Hold on.
But no, no, no.
You know how we had our time to fuck the environment up?
Now other countries get their time to fuck the environment.
Well, why can we tell them not to?
Well, we have no moral high ground.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, we had our time in the sun.
Now they have theirs.
It's okay.
Let them use it.
I mean, I'm not aware of what the environmental regulations are all around the world, obviously.
I've not studied that.
But I do know that it's a problem almost everywhere where people burn coal and where people, you know, like coal burning is crazy.
You ever see those documentaries on people that live in there's a certain area of Indiana where there's a bunch of coal plants near October Sky.
That's what it was about.
It's nasty.
Like you go by people's cars, you could just like swipe your hand on a windshield and you have this coal dust.
Like it's in the air.
People are breathing it.
All kinds of people are having all kinds of respiratory diseases as I suck on this cigar.
These fucking they're poisoning people.
These people are poisoning people.
For sure.
And they're doing it in the name of making power.
Like a coal-fired power plant that does that, you should start it.
You go, I have an experiment.
Let's see what happens when we burn coal and make electricity.
Okay, let's try it.
Oh, it's super efficient.
Seems to work really well, but it really fucks up the sky.
Yeah, let's not do that.
It should be like, let's not fuck up the sky.
But back then, they're like, let's fuck up this guy just in this spot.
Yeah.
That's what fracking is.
Well, fuck up the water right here.
Come on.
You won't touch the other water.
A couple of little fishes.
Try to get gas and electric to these people.
The indigenous communities need electricity.
Just fracking them.
That's what they do, though.
Indian land and letting them make bigger casinos.
It's the craziest shit.
No fucking predecessors of ours would have never guessed that we'd be hanging on this long.
Really?
Like this.
With the way we are like this, yeah.
Wait, how much longer do you think we got?
Not much time.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
I think, unfortunately, the way things have unraveled over the last 10 years, I have zero faith that we're going to keep this thing glued together for another 10 years or 20 years.
Robots, some cataclysmic investment.
There's so much generation thinks that you're living through it.
You're like, oh, this shit can't get worse than it is right now.
My parents never thought the world was going to end in 10 years.
I'll tell you that right now.
Tell that to the residents of Namasaki.
Where's Namasaki?
Nagasaki?
Nagasaki.
That would have been way better if I got the name of it.
That's high.
I was thinking of Mario shit.
Mario Yamasaki.
Oh, yeah.
I was thinking of Yasuzi.
No, I got my words stumbled.
I should have said Hiroshima, but I was trying to be crafty.
I chose.
Damn it.
In the under pressure live podcast.
Fuck.
I just want to apologize to anybody I might have insulted during this podcast.
I barely, barely been myself.
Yo, Namasaki.
I've been in a fog of chemicals since the moment we got here.
Andrew Schultz insisted that we get intoxicated.
This is not true.
That is true.
This is a Joe Rogan idea.
You pressure.
You like madness.
I do like madness.
I'm not going to lie.
I tried to start a tame with some steak talk.
You know what I like?
I like madness with food portion talk.
I like madness with nice people.
Why did I think that was the best way to begin the podcast?
It just came to me in the moment.
I didn't think about it that much.
Every podcast is like a small little colt that walks on baby legs.
Then it's going to develop a little trot, and then it gets going.
Right now.
Right now we're going.
Right now we're going.
We're at Homo Sape.
We're a fucking horse right now.
We're a full horse.
Fuck, dude.
We're running.
Oh, dude.
Hey, can we talk about one crazy conspiracy?
I'm going to pee so bad.
All right, go pee.
Go pee.
We got this.
Okay.
Do you know where the pee room is?
I'm going to piss right over that.
Please do.
Please do.
Those pants.
He would be absolutely.
You're getting the plants.
Yo, the plastic plants.
Those are real.
So they need those.
These are patriots.
Please watch them.
Those are real.
Don't touch them.
They're real.
You think dumb would get fake plants?
Kill dumb.
You get a plants and they go, I'm pissing your plants.
All the shit I'm on.
Yeah, water.
Watch out.
Do this.
Get it.
Do they?
Do it.
No, go.
Quadruple.
Do it.
Do it.
I don't know if you know, but I really don't respond to peer pressure.
I'll be right back.
I'm like, you're like a fucking gentleman.
Order pizza from all the places.
Oh, my God.
I'm a new man.
It's not going to go.
We're getting pizza from all the places.
We're doing an hour off the pizza.
We're getting pizza.
Duff.
We're getting pizza roll and get some fucking pepperoni and shit and mix it up.
If Joe Rogan wants pizza, we're getting pizza, bro.
Simple as that.
I did not ask for pizza, just like I did not ask for this to be a drunken, intoxicated extravaganza.
This is a lot of people.
I said I would play along with it.
This is your suggestion.
He demanded it.
He suggested that.
That's true.
That's true.
I'm not asking.
That's true.
I need Yon Meat Park's number before you leave, dog.
We sent each other so many emojis of the weightlifting guys.
The weight.
We get it, dog.
You explain it.
Alex look lost.
Alex hot.
It was a squat emoji.
He never done that.
Listen, guys.
Yo, don't like your fucking nose on fire, dog.
That's wild.
Don't worry about it, bro.
I got a couple of forehead hairs I didn't like.
Twinge them.
That's what happens.
You lose all your hair on the head and you get them in the ear area.
I get them in my ear area.
You get any ear hairs yet?
I get one on this one right here.
It's a sure sign of misfiring.
Your DNA is reverting back to your monkey self growing fucking ear hair and shit.
As you slowly fade away.
How long do you think you got him?
How long do you think you got, Jeff?
How many years?
Well, if Joe Biden gets re-elected, I think I got about four.
Wait, really?
You think?
I don't know, man.
I'm kidding.
Who do you think goes after Joe?
Doing comedy podcasts?
They have fucking shots.
Why does it get nervous?
You guys are so serious.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
He's like, I got four years to live.
Joe Biden wins.
You're like, really?
No, I'm telling you.
I was like, you think he's going to win?
Can I be thoughtful on this news?
Can I be compassionate?
Can I be empathetic?
No, you cannot.
That's what makes it unbelievable.
Oh, okay.
That's a good ass point.
No, you make a good ass point.
Joe Biden, Alpha Brain, black label.
Go get some.
It's real.
It's legit.
It works.
Yeah.
I'm a living testament.
I barely got out of high school.
I have a phenomenal memory.
No, your recall is crazy, bro.
I'm going to take this shit.
Alpha Brain.
Don't just take that because I said to.
But there's a bunch of other stuff you should try.
Joe, we've been promoting Alpha Brain on this page.
Alpha Brain is great.
No, no, no.
There's stuff that helps your brain.
Talks to get chiseled.
Neurogum.
Oh, you want to get big?
Yeah, he wants to get big.
Not even big.
He wants to be like slim.
Like his body is felt.
Like a swimmer.
Joe, what's everything you take?
Everything.
Everything.
That was sexual.
Most of it is like the big results come from testosterone replacement.
So there's that, and then there's peptides that increase your body's ability to grow hormones like growth hormone.
There's mad dude.
Yeah, there's BBC 157, and there's another one.
Now what?
Dummy?
CGC.
I think it's called Hypomoralin.
You've Googled BBC.
I'm fucking these names up.
And then another one's called thymosin.
And what these things do is they help your body produce the hormones that it should have when you're younger and your body works better.
And if you do that and you regularly exercise, that's the biggest thing.
If there's ever one thing that someone can do to stop aging, it's lift weights and don't stop.
And don't do it for vanity.
Do it because you want to keep your tissue.
Like, think of it as like age is like a little demon that's slowly robbing you of your tissue.
Christian.
Your ability to walk upstairs, your ability to open up jars, your ability to open a car door when it's frozen.
All that shit is real.
And the only way to stave that off is weightlifting.
You have to lift heavy things and you have to, you don't want to do anything too heavy where you hurt yourself, but you want to get your body accustomed to this idea that in order to survive, it has to lift things.
And you need to give that body nutrients.
And I don't care if you like lift your own body.
Your body's heavy.
You can do chin-ups and push-ups and body squats.
That's all great stuff.
You don't need to lift heavy weights in terms of your own body is assuming at least 100 pounds.
That's pretty fucking heavy.
When I do kettlebells, I don't do anything heavier than 70 pounds for the most part.
That's the heaviest shit I ever lift.
So it's mostly just full-bodied motion that makes your body know that this is a regular part of your life.
So the normal deterioration that most people experience, you can stave that off for the most part.
And there's a real potential in the future with genetic editing and all kinds of wacky shit that they're experiencing.
They're experimenting on all sorts of stuff that can extend lifespans in a radical way.
CRISPR.
There's CRISPR, but there's a couple of other things they're doing too.
Mitzi Mencia Crisis Actress00:14:30
And who knows what the fuck they're doing in China?
What do you mean?
They could be doing anything because they don't.
They're not impaired by the same sort of ethics.
They don't disclose.
Yeah, they don't have to tell anybody.
And they can work like hand and fist with the government.
And nobody has to know nothing about what's going on.
You know, that's why they can develop all kinds of shit without like the normal restrictions.
Their government and their business is like that.
They're inexorably connected.
The businesses don't get to make decisions that are bad for the government.
If they do, they disappear, dudes.
Okay, let's go.
Conspiracy theory.
Let's go.
How different?
How different?
Okay.
I see you, Miles.
Nothing less.
A conspiracy more than a high guy.
Okay, here's the conspiracy.
Are Joe Coyne and Chelsea Handler really in a relationship?
No.
No.
Tell me no doubt about that.
You did not do that.
Shield is bad.
Don't do that.
Why would you put that on Joe, bro?
I said, don't you?
It was Alex Jones who was hitting me non-stop.
There's something awry.
It seems like a false flank.
I want to remind you.
Middle-aged crisis actress.
I want to remind you that you just...
You have to not just say what I think you say.
What the fuck did you say?
Middle-life crisis actress.
No.
And I corrected it.
Because you said middle-aged crisis actress.
And then you realize mid-life crisis actress.
Actually.
It's T-Loo bad.
It's T-Liter.
It's cleaner.
It's T-Lee or Betsy.
Okay, but we love Joe on this podcast.
You know, Chelsea, I love Chelsea.
I like wrote a thing about one of her books.
Like, wrote a little blurb.
Oh, really?
Back in the Dizzy.
Yeah.
She was from the comic store.
She was always cool.
No, no, back.
Her show, she was great.
She was great.
Her interviewing was great.
It was different.
What happened?
Tone of this room just changed to bullshit.
No, I'll be honest with you.
Call that shit.
No, I think she was fucking great.
I'm not saying she's not.
She's not.
I'm not saying she's not, but I'm just saying there's like a general tone of, let's say something nice right now.
Yep.
That's really good.
He was called out the moment.
Okay, Terry.
Oh, you felt like I needed to justify it.
No, no, you don't.
You devoted it?
I did that word.
She's like, oh, I wrote a blurb for her.
100%.
Because we felt bad.
We felt like we were trashing.
Yeah, we're not trashing anybody.
That's the thing.
It's like, I don't like trashing fellow comedians.
I really don't.
I genuinely, genuinely don't.
No.
Did that change after Mencia?
You felt a little bad?
100%.
Really?
You felt bad at it.
During the moment of it, I realized how much negativity it creates.
I was almost looking at like if it was a system, right?
If you're looking at a system, you're looking at like you input X and you get back this.
And I'm like, okay, a good thing was done where people weren't in danger of having their intellectual property taken by someone who's far more successful.
But the weird thing was the anger.
Like watching the anger, like, it's like you're throwing meat to a group of fucking piranhas.
Like there's just this buzzing of people joining on one side or the other side.
And I realized like, well, a lot of this is not logical.
And it's one of the problems with the way human beings interact with each other that we just choose teams.
And it's like a normal natural inclination that we can't escape no matter how logical you are.
Like even if you're like a super logical person, you're still, there's some part of you that has an inclination towards teams.
So how do you push yourself away from it?
Just got to recognize what it is.
Like know when it pops up and just go, this is a dumb road.
But is that tough for you?
Like when you get shit on by one side specifically and then the other side is like, yo, you're pretty cool.
How hard is it for you to just stay even?
It's okay.
Like I would shit on me for sure.
Wait, really?
If I didn't know me?
Yeah.
For what exactly?
Some other comic, I would make fun of me totally.
What would you say?
Oh, I'd say terrible things about steroid use and insecurities being short.
I have a lot of great jokes about me.
Really?
It's gonna be a lot of fun.
So you don't even, when people make fun of you, do you care?
Well, you can care, but it's not gonna change the way they think.
Like, it's not good if you hear it.
Like, if someone said it to my face, I'd be like, that's mean.
Yeah.
Like, why are you being mean to me, man?
I don't even know you.
People will say mean things to you just to try to get a reaction out of you.
But those people are usually way more dangerous than the average person that says something online.
The average person says something online.
It's like you're not even connected.
Like maybe you are.
It's like you're trapped in a cave and there's like a tunnel that goes up to the air and you're like, fuck you.
You're not connected to that person.
You're not in front of them.
If someone is mean to you in front of you, that's a real problem.
And weirdness is when it spills over.
When people get used to communicating with people the way they do on the internet and they try to do it in real life.
And you see it all the time in WorldStar videos.
They just get fucked up because they think they can talk shit.
Like they talk shit on the internet.
They think they can just get away with it.
Like they don't have the same amount.
If you're 24 and you lived in 1976, or if you're 24 and you live now, you got a totally different type of interaction with people.
These fucking people are interacting with people in a text form 60% of the time.
So if that's a part of your development, and everybody agrees, I agree that people who grow up in sort of like touch and go environments, they're a little slicker.
Right?
We call it street smarts.
People who know, like, if you don't have any of that, forget it.
You're fucked.
And if all you're doing is texting, you're not experiencing life.
You're trapped in your house.
You're sitting on the couch getting a fucking neck cramp because you're fucking texting.
That's the people of today.
That's what's weird about it.
You're not designed for that.
So the human brain has to find a way to catch up.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because it's that motherfucking NBA finals.
Okay.
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Now let's get back to the show.
So let me tie this back to what we talked about.
Seeing all the hate, et cetera, what happened to Mencia, what would you do differently about this?
Nothing.
That's what I was thinking.
I wouldn't do a thing different.
I took the hit.
But it's like the hit wasn't, it wasn't bad because I was right.
And eventually I knew they would realize I was right.
And I would wish that he would realize I was right.
And well, the hate I also feel.
Well, people don't realize you took a hit.
I think a lot of people's history view is you called out Mencia and then you had the biggest podcast on the planet.
That's true also.
Yeah, they don't know what you went through afterwards.
It wasn't bad.
It was not bad.
Bad things happen.
For comic standards, I think it is.
Well, I got banned from the comedy store.
That was a real problem because it wasn't Mitzi Shore's idea.
The real problem was I was on the phone with Mitzi like more than an hour before they called me to tell me I was banned.
So I was on the phone with Mitzi and I told her out of respect what had happened.
I said, Mitzi, I go, we are fucking tired of this guy stealing jokes.
She's like, Carlos, are you sure he's stealing?
I go, Mitzi, we have videos of it.
He's a fucking thief.
And so we had this conversation on the phone and she goes, well, just keep away from him.
So I told her that we're going to release this video.
She goes, well, just keep away from him.
I go, I'll do whatever you want me to do.
And she goes, okay, you want to go up tonight?
And I said, sure.
What time do you want to put me up?
She goes, oh, 10.30.
I go, thank you very much.
I love you.
That's the last time I talked to her.
Wow.
That's sad.
And then I got a call an hour later, and I realized, like, she was in a state where Mitzi Shore is like legitimately.
If you looked at all of the people that are important in the development of comedy, she's the number one most important person that wasn't a comic.
Number one.
Explain why.
Why?
Why are you playing Mitzi Short to be a comment?
She let the comedy store.
Mitchy Short owned the comedy store.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Mitzi Shore is Pauly Shore's mom.
She's like, she started the comedy store with her husband.
They got divorced.
She got the comedy store.
And she ran the comedy store in a way where she was a strong lady.
And she had fucking strong ideas about what was good, what was bad.
And she would tell you right to your face.
She would tell you, I fucking hate that bitch.
Did she ever say that to you?
Yes.
What's she saying?
I had this bit about Anne Nicole Smith and her husband.
She fucking hated that bit.
J. Howard Marshall, that dude who was like 150 years old.
Yeah, Biden.
I had this bit.
He was older than Biden.
He was Biden's dad.
But she was responsible for the environment of the comedy store where she just let the comedians express themselves the best way that they could and give them a home and set these standards.
And those are standards.
The comedy store, Pryor.
Yeah.
Kinnison.
Kinnison, Bill Hicks.
So many legends.
David Letterman.
Worked out there.
Yeah, Eddie Griffin.
Damon Wayans was there a lot.
Martin Lawrence was there a lot.
It was like Dice Clay.
Like so many people came out of that place and it was chaos.
It didn't always work out perfectly, but she designed it in a way where she could create a place where these really fucked up people could come and perform.
And she would call it her island of misfit toys.
She knew what she was doing, man.
And, you know, she's a completely unusual person.
Why?
There's nobody, very few people just dedicate themselves to a thing like that and like have this idea of like what's the right way to do it and they're right.
She was right.
She was right so often.
Yeah.
Like someone would call and complain about Kinnison.
She was like, I don't care about the fact.
She didn't give a fuck.
She didn't give a fuck.
The place is packed every night.
She did not give a fuck.
But how is she okay with Mencia then?
Because this is why.
She didn't know.
And I also think she was having some legitimate health problems with it.
Unfortunately.
When I first met her, she was already in 94.
She was already struggling a little.
And then as time went on, it got worse.
And I don't think if people don't come to her and complain, I don't think she necessarily knows unless she's watching every single set who came up with this bit first.
She doesn't know.
So if you just come down for one 20-minute set and you see someone kill and you go, oh my God, he's hilarious.
If you had come 20 minutes before, you might have saw Paul Mooney do his version of it.
Right.
And if that was the case, maybe then she would be able to go, hey, what the fuck?
But like I said, even in the 90s, she was already struggling.
She had a, I think it was a neurological disorder.
And it was hard for her.
So I don't blame her, but she had ideas that didn't necessarily work.
But you fucking never know what's going to work.
How many people did we started out with that were like open micers?
I think about that.
I think about that.
You knew they were funny.
And they just fucking, they fell apart on re-entry.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Think about that.
Like the first friend I knew that there was a comic that stopped.
And they were funny too.
But they just didn't want to go through it.
Dude, there's a girl that I dated when I was 21.
It was a girl I dated when we were both open micers together.
She was funnier than me.
She was so funny.
She was hilarious.
She was fucking hilarious.
And I remember thinking, if I don't make it as a comedian, at least I fucked her.
This lady's the next Roseanne.
She's so good.
She was a killer.
And then what happened?
I don't know.
Stopped it.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I lost track.
I mean, especially.
I lost touch with her.
We stayed friends, but I want to know her name.
Yeah, I moved to New York and I don't want to say it.
And when I moved to New York, I don't know.
It just stopped.
Yeah.
I mean, back then, you had so few opportunities.
And if you didn't get one, I imagine it would just wear you down because you're just toiling at that point.
Like this internet shit is so different.
It's so different.
Well, I've been through both things.
Yeah.
And what it really makes me understand more than anything is how important it is to share success and like get everybody out of that horrible period in the beginning where you don't know if you're going to make it.
Because the more people that you can get that are convinced that they could be professionals, the more you're going to get those dudes that we remember from the open mic days that didn't make it.
I think about that girl all the time.
I think about her.
She was fucking funny, man.
She was funny.
She had a witty way of looking at things.
And I'm like, she was 21.
We were both 21.
I'm like, what would happen to her when she was 29?
What about when she's 33?
She might be a murderer right now.
She might be straightening up slaying on Netflix, selling out arenas, just walking out there.
She was that good.
But for whatever reason, there's not, there's no, you know, back then it was Dog Eat Dog.
And everybody thought they were going to be the host of the tonight show.
Ray Comedic Actor Pilot00:02:26
Well, there was two shows.
Yeah.
And then maybe you get a half hour.
And then there was the sitcom game.
The sitcom game when Tim Allen got his show and Roseanne got her show and Seinfeld and Brett Butler.
Then the whole game became get a deal to do a sitcom.
Yeah.
And craft an act about the sitcom.
That seems like a pilot.
Like he would do an act that was like a pilot for a sitcom.
And we all got intoxicated by the sitcom world.
Yeah, I don't know if he did it on.
I mean, I loved his show, but Ray Romano's, it seemed like looking back, it's like, oh, his whole comedy was.
Ray Romano was my character on news radio and he got fired.
No.
Wait, really?
Yes.
Ray Romano was the original handyman on news radio and he got fired.
Ray was a good friend of mine.
I love, until this day, he's a good friend of mine.
I love him.
He's brilliant.
And I opened for Ray at a bowling alley.
I think it's Jimmy's Comedy Alley.
I think that's what it was called.
In Queens.
Like way back in the day.
And I remember sitting in the audience with my friend watching Ray Romano just straight murder, going, God damn, he's good.
He's so good.
And then a year later, we are in this situation where I have a development deal with NBC to do my own show.
But then there's this other show that they've already shot a pilot for, but they're going to fire this dude.
And you know, you can go and read for it.
He just didn't test it.
I have no idea.
I had no idea what he did.
He never found out.
But here's the good thing.
They fired him and then hired another guy to do the pilot.
So I was once removed.
So I felt like I was.
39.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm stealing it from this other dude who stole it from you, Ray.
He did okay, by the way.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Well, then, you know, like Kevin James and I were good friends and he was good friends with Ray too.
So we would go eat together and like this was right when Ray was creating Everybody Loves Raymond.
And he was like sitting there with like scripts and shit and talking to us.
That motherfucker was obsessed.
Good.
Like that show became amazing because that dude was dedicated.
We're at Jerry's famous deli eating Rubens.
And Ray is just going to watch script.
We're running jokes and shit.
I'm like, damn, this dude is fired up, bro.
That's so amazing.
The best stand-up comedic actor I've ever seen.
Like as a comedic actor and stand-up, stand-up primarily, he was a fucking great comedic actor.
And you know, just as important, really good dude.
Defense Mechanisms Wave Thing00:05:20
Yeah.
What you expect is what you get.
Real solid, real cool dude.
I was at the cellar once and he's just like the calmest, chillest guy, right?
Like not high energy, nothing crazy.
And we're sitting at the back table and we're talking about something.
I was like, yeah, you know, I'm from New York, but I went to school out in California.
And I go, yeah, I went to UC Santa Barbara.
And he goes, he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wild school, wild school.
And I was like, yeah, there's a lot of parties.
He was like, oh, no, no, no.
My son went there during the school shooting.
And his son was at the school.
Do you remember when there was like a school shooting at UCSB?
No.
His son was at the school during that.
There's so many school shootings now.
Yeah, but I don't even remember that.
I can't remember.
I feel so important.
Why is that specific here?
Have you thought about that?
No, Alpha Brand here.
In America, you mean?
Well, I think the problem is that it is a great way to get a lot of attention and to do the most horrific thing to a society that you feel like has abandoned you.
If you want to, if you hate the world, one of the worst things you could do is kill kids.
So that's the scariest thing for all of us.
When you have children, you'll have this feeling.
It's like the world becomes a completely different place.
And which is one of the things like I was thinking, one of the things that happened to me when I became a parent, and also just as I became older and I watched children grow and become older and wiser and figure things out, I realized we're all just babies that grew up.
And I used to meet a person, I think, oh, this guy's an idiot.
But now I look at someone, I literally like, I look at you and I think of you as a baby.
And I think of you going through your life and getting to who you are now.
And it just instantaneously develops more empathy for people.
Instantaneously.
It's like it's a paradigm shift, like the most profound psychedelic experience you could ever have.
And it makes you realize that this whole thing that we do with like teams or othering people or this, not you, all that stuff is just fear.
It's a giant percentage of what we're doing when we're interacting with people poorly is just fear.
We're fearful that they're going to be cruel to us.
So we want to be cruel first.
And there's like chest pumping.
Most people just want to be loved.
I remember talking to my cousin who's a psychiatrist, and then I just started therapy, like whatever.
And I was like, oh, are we basically all just, our personality is just adding up all our defense mechanisms?
And he was like, yeah, that's basically, you're just a bunch of defense mechanisms into a human being.
Yeah, there's a lot of that because you're accustomed to, in terms of your DNA, your DNA is accustomed to fighting off predators, fucking bears. and big cats.
That's our past.
All human beings.
We didn't get here instantaneously.
We got here through a long, bloody, horrific process where a lot of babies got eaten by wolves.
That's why the Little Red Riding Hood, all that shit was about wolves.
That's why it was about wolves because wolves used to eat people.
Do you know they stopped World War I because of wolves?
No.
Do you know there's a ceasefire?
There was a ceasefire between the Russians and the Germans because so many of them were getting killed by wolves.
They decided to listen.
They decided to decided to get together and kill the wolves and then go back to killing each other.
No.
Yes.
I saw that picture of them playing soccer on Christmas.
The Christmas.
Yeah.
Because they were trapped.
They were trapped in a crazy world.
And the world's still crazy.
It's just crazy with more information.
Is it possible to indoctrinate people with love for country more now, you think?
Neuralink.
Well, that's the way.
Well, that's the scary thing, man.
That's the only way.
That's the scary thing about the Neuralink, right?
If you can control something that's going on in someone's brain, I don't need the news.
I don't need the influencers on Joe Rogan's.
If you can control it.
But if it's something that can't be controlled.
Well, how do they prove that?
I don't know.
Would you let them do it to you?
Well, they're controlling things already.
If you look at the world like a system and you looked at the amount of resources and money that's pumped into controlling specific narratives, they're already controlling things.
But they're doing it because we choose to opt into our phone.
Yeah, but you're not, it's not negotiable.
Like what?
You're not going to stop using your phone.
No, I'm going to keep using my phone, but at least I can be like, oh, you're showing this because if I see an ad for fucking toaster ovens, maybe we spoke about toaster ovens yesterday and now I see the ad.
But you don't even have to convince me.
At least there's one layer.
But if you're already in here and you make me think I want to vote that way, you don't think that that's a little bit.
But how are you doing that?
How are you making someone think that they're going to vote a certain thing?
If you can make my dad have memory again, if you can make, you know, and anybody do anything, you can make them think anything you want.
I think there's a real problem with narratives, right?
There's a real problem with pushing narratives and not letting people really decide what's going on objectively.
But I don't know if any one person is ever going to have control of that.
I think there's like this wave thing that happens back and forth.
It's like Twitter comes and everything goes left.
Feeling Outside The Vote00:14:51
And who knows if people abandon that and go right?
Who knows?
It's just like this weird, wild sort of wrestling match of human beings trying to figure out what the fuck to do.
Yeah, society is just a bunch of overcorrections each way, it seems like.
There's a lot of that.
Yeah.
There's a lot of that.
Yeah.
And a lot of that is done, unfortunately, because of a lack of honesty.
If more people were honest and we put like a lot of value and honesty and a lot of honor in it, I think you could have like better conversations and then we would find out why people are behaving the way they're behaving.
But right now, there's like a lot of like, I want my team to win, so I'll bullshit about stuff.
The problem with that is like my friend Johnny, who used to compliment people that he didn't even like.
Like you got to be able to do that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll be like, that guy's a fucking dick, but you know what he does?
This is what he does.
Like he's an asshole, but his father is.
They make the best fucking pizza.
I hate the dude.
But I would go to his place.
He would tell you shit like that.
That was fun.
That's what I love about stand-up.
Yeah.
Is that like even the guys that were assholes couldn't be denied as funny?
Oh, no.
No denying.
There was a guy.
Do you ever know Todd Lynn?
I think he's passed.
You know, he's pissed.
He is passed, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So Todd Lynn was a fucking hilarious.
I didn't know for sure, but I know he had a baby arm.
He had a baby arm.
He's been dead, yo.
I've probably performed at one of his fundraisers.
Have I?
I'm performing his fundraiser.
Shouts to Todd Lynn and his family.
I'm performing his fundraiser.
Mark Theobald is hosting.
Mark's so funny.
Shout out to Mark.
And this is one of his good friends.
And Mark is passing around the bucket.
This is how big of a dick Todd Lynn was.
Mark is passing around the bucket for people to donate money.
He's like, if you knew Todd, he wasn't necessarily the nicest guy.
He's asking for money.
But this motherfucker was so goddamn funny.
Really?
Bro.
Oh, he's a monster, dude.
Bro.
Shit on me for bombing in front of him and then just crushed for it.
And he had a baby arm.
Yeah.
He had like a baby on, like.
No, no, no, like, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he was still talking that shit.
He was so funny, but everybody's seen an asshole.
And there's a lot of people like this.
Like, Patrice is the greatest I've ever seen.
My favorite, but a lot of people would be like, yo, Patrice was kind of an asshole.
But you couldn't deny him.
Patrice was an asshole to everybody.
Yeah.
That's fast.
He was always nice to me.
Yeah, because he thought you were a real one, bro.
He's nice.
Patrice was nice.
He was just, you had to be able to take a look at a joke.
You had to be able to take a joke.
You had to be able to take it right out of the chin and laugh right back.
Wow, what did he say, Joe?
Oh, he was always funny.
Always.
He was just always funny about everything.
Patrice had a way of looking at things where we would all talk and they would wait for Patrice's point.
He was one of those guys.
If you talked to Patrice and hung out with him, I hung out with him in Vegas once.
We were all at the backstage at one of those Opie and Anthony shows.
He was just such a, I remember hanging out with him going, man, I wish I lived closer to him.
Yep.
He was that guy.
But luckily, I had Joey Diaz.
Joey Diaz.
Joey's your guy.
West Coast Patrice.
Yeah.
He was very much like that.
Joey Diaz was very much like that.
Like we would all line up the back of the room when Joey Diaz was lighted on fire.
Yeah.
And all the people I've ever seen kill, I've never seen anybody hit Joey Diaz RPMs.
He would hit, he would have these bits that they were so funny that you couldn't, he could say things you weren't allowed to say.
Because he was like a human cartoon.
You weren't even sure if he was real.
Yeah.
This guy, white, is he spanning?
His timing was fucking perfect.
And he would nail punch lines and turn beat red.
And people would be falling out of their seats.
There's multiple times I've been in that original room where I would go, God, I wish we were filming this.
Yeah.
I wish we were filming this because I don't think anybody's going to understand if they're not here right now.
You know, you know, Fahim just put out his special.
Yes.
And shout out to Fahim.
Go check out Hat-Trick.
But that idea for the special, that's what I wanted to see.
I wanted to see Joey do that too.
Because Joey, for me, I was like, you have to understand him within the space of the store.
Yeah.
I don't know.
There's something magical about it.
And I didn't understand it until I went out there and I saw him for the first time.
You had been telling me a lot about him.
And I remember just sitting and watching.
And it was.
Yeah, it was special, man.
I'm working with Joey in Atlantic City this weekend for the first time in years.
I haven't been on stage with him in like two years.
God bless.
I gotta watch him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I told him, like, whatever you want to do.
What do I have to do to fucking get you back in there?
I'm like, dude.
Is this his first time back on stage?
No, no, he's been on stage a bunch of times.
Okay, good.
He did a bunch of shows with Brian Callan, and he's tuned up.
He's ready to rock.
I'm so excited.
I can't believe you got him back.
Yeah.
Yeah, Joey's a fucking beast.
He was like, you have like specific roles in like these communities, you know, in the comedy store community.
Joey Diaz was just pure chaos.
You would drop him in.
And like during the drug Joey days, like during the early days when he was like a straight-up criminal, he reminded me so much of my friend Johnny.
So much.
Johnny, who's the pool hustle?
Joey was like just like him.
Like a wild dude from the streets, but like a good dude.
Like I knew he was a good, like a good, solid dude.
And we were friends like instantly.
And he would come to the news radio set and he was a gorilla back then.
I mean, he was like, you know, way thinner and like built.
Don't you do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was wearing a leather jacket, built like a football player.
And all those NBC studio executives would get mad because he was eating all of their mental health.
Who is Jesus?
Jesus Christ.
Your children.
I would laugh too.
I would laugh too.
So he would just show up and slip just to sign.
I would come with him.
I would bring him with me.
But he wasn't on the show.
He was just my boy.
Yeah, yeah.
This is like 1996.
You know, we were both like, you know, I was probably like 28, and Joey was like a little older than me.
And Joey had just got to LA straight from prison.
Oh, he's in and out of jail.
I think he was like running from something in Seattle.
He had to come back to LA.
Like there's a warrant out for him for the longest time.
He couldn't get a passport to go places because all the crazy.
He kidnapped a drug dealer with a machine gun.
Fire.
Wow.
No, Joey Diaz did real time.
Joey Diaz is, but he's a uniquely beautiful soul.
And even though I knew all that shit that he did real time and everything, I knew, I'm like, I know what you are.
I know what you are.
You're a great guy who just had a crazy life.
You collect these guys.
These guys are valuable.
They're everything.
They're life, man.
Those are the Sam Kennisons.
Those are the Richard Pryors.
But why do you think?
Because they just, they don't fit in, and that's how you see what it is for real.
Like, if you're not a part of it, you see what it is for real.
Because you don't have to operate.
You're not fucking part of that system.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Joey Diaz found his mother dead on the floor when he was on acid.
No, that's what he was doing.
When he was like 14 years old.
Yeah, yeah.
Whoa.
Yeah.
When you're a part of a community like that.
When he tells that story, you're fucking, you're goosebumps to stand up.
You're like, what?
Yeah.
So it's like those type of people from that angst and that unusual view of the world.
Have to find themselves.
Yes.
And sometimes themselves is a little outside of the norm, it's outside of the group.
They find it through the most potent form of entertainment.
All of our great rock stars, all of our great comics, all of our great hip-hop artists, all of them come from crazy backgrounds.
Not all of them, obviously.
That's a big generalization.
But I'm trying to make my point.
No, I understand what you're saying.
I think that...
You don't get it, Joey Diaz, in a suburb.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But more, it's like there's a freedom to being outside if you're willing to harness this.
Yes.
And the freedom is you get to actually find who you are.
Well, the reality is there's no real outside.
Like people feel like they're outside, but so many people feel like they're outside.
There's a lot of people.
And when you go to a comedy club, all the other people also feel like they don't get it.
They laugh at your point.
They're like, yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
And even if even if what you're saying is wrong, but it's funny.
It's like, that's where it's like, we're fucking with the wiring.
One of my favorite bits that you do is that bit that you do about countries where they treat their women terribly.
They have food, boy.
You ever eat Canadian food?
That is so good.
Because, like, you look, if you were a terrible person, you wanted to misrepresent who you are, you would write that.
Oh, this is just saying that women belong in the kitchen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's not what they're saying.
No.
That's not what you're saying.
You're saying something funny.
It's a funny thing to say.
I was trying.
I did this talk with Noam from the Comedy Cellar.
Do you know Noam?
Yeah.
You would love Noam.
Okay, good.
I worked at his club way, way, way back.
I know, but he's like, he's an interesting guy.
No, Andrew should connect you with Noam.
I know.
I can get you an addition at the comedy seller.
Shout out to all these comedy club owners.
Yeah, without them.
He had an interesting conversation.
He had this talk where there were these intellectual dudes.
This guy named Glenn Lowry.
Do you know?
So him and a few other dudes, and they had some comics on stage.
And we were just talking about random things and comedy and political correctness and culture, et cetera.
And there was just a moment on stage where I was talking, like, we should never be together.
Like, we don't have to have these conversations because you guys say what's right and we say what's funny.
And I think what happens is the people that say what's right expect the people that say it's funny to be right.
And that's where our jokes become more than jokes and where we get in trouble.
If we're just out here just making jokes and talking shit and just being funny with no stakes, that's what, and then people look at us and they're like, oh no, these are the next intellectuals.
They are going to tell us how to think.
That's when we can't make the craziest jokes.
Well, one of the arguments is that, like, if you say crazy things in the name of being funny, then other people that are not as smart as you will say those things and they'll be hurtful.
They'll feel like they have license to say those things.
Maybe.
I had a drag queen tell me that after a show.
Maybe.
It was very intimidating.
She's wearing kiss boots.
But it's one of those things.
It's like, I don't know if you're responsible for the dumbest people in your audience.
You're not.
I don't know how that works.
You're not.
And I feel like at a certain point in time, we have to agree that most people love comedy.
If you don't love comedy, you have to opt out of this conversation.
So if you love comedy, you must agree that a lot of what people say, they don't mean.
They just think it's a funny thing to say.
Like, this is an artist.
Just like Quentin Tarantino is not really killing women when he's making Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.
This is what we used to say about the dead women involved in the production of that movie.
Correct.
The violent movies, violent rap, and them getting all the way.
All those things.
They just move toward comedy.
It'll move on.
But it's also like the problem is it seems like you're just talking.
It seems like it's not like something you've created that you've manipulated language in order to get a surprise result that makes people go, bah!
Yeah.
And it seems like your statements because they sound just like everybody else when they talk.
Yes.
But I also think it's because that's how we feel and we can have wrong feelings.
And I think that's the biggest difference.
What's wrong, though?
If you feel it, like, you don't have to do it.
Somebody might cut you off in traffic and you might think the worst possible thing for that car.
And then three seconds later, you go, it was just upset in the moment.
There's, I mean, don't, don't people like get out of, don't people, like, oh, yeah.
They don't get life in jail for murdering somebody because they had moments of rage.
You know what that's from?
Temporary insanity.
Temporary insanity.
You know what that's going to be?
That's what comedy is.
Temporary insanity.
This is my crazy thought in the moment.
And then I'm going to say it again and it's going to be funny, but I don't feel that way anymore.
Simple as that.
What are you saying?
Comedy's temporary insanity.
My funniest moment, my funniest thought, and my knee-jerk reaction to something, and I'm going to craft it and add words and add ideas and wrap myself around it.
Marijuana might not be for you.
What is it right now?
We went.
You would try to defend some insufferable position.
Yo, the joke about the woman food thing.
I don't think you should.
I don't think you should actually.
He said it was insufferable.
No.
That's a great word.
It's a big position.
You can throw people off your trail.
It's like covering your tracks with leaves.
It's crappy.
Crappy is wrong.
It's a good word.
It's a solid word if you're trying to be deceptive.
You know how you're trying to infuscate, obfuscate, whatever.
Obfuscate.
Hey, somebody, somebody got a high score in his essay.
Let's go, bro.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck it.
Yeah, fuck it, dude.
Let's just make the jokes.
Who gives a fuck what anybody says about it?
They want to write think pieces.
Who gives a fuck?
Well, the thing is, it's like they represent a valid group of humans who have their opinions.
But the problem is if they try to impose those opinions on people who have different opinions.
So there's some people who love shit talking comedy.
Yes.
That's what we do.
Yes.
All right.
If you want to pretend that everything I have to say, I always mean, I'm checking out.
I'm not interested in doing that.
I want to talk the same way I talk around my friends.
I want to talk the same way I talk around comics.
We know we're all having fun and talking shit.
And I want to do that to the moment they say, ladies and gentlemen, Joe Rogan, hey, what's up?
I want to talk to those people.
I talk to my best friends.
I want to develop bits that are as funny as I can make them.
And I don't mean all the things I'm saying, but I'm going to hit you with the best shit I have.
Funny is in the outcast.
Whether that's like the person on a TV show that's weird or the thought that's a thought that should get you outcast.
Should be on stage.
Like Kinnison.
He's the ultimate outcast.
Yeah.
Right?
Wearing a beret and a trench coat.
Yelling at you.
Screaming.
Used to be a preacher.
What the fuck happened to this guy?
Ultimate outcast.
What fucking class of people does he fit into?
He's out of the Christians.
He's gone.
Like, where's he fitting in?
Hollywood?
He's like five foot four.
He's fat as fuck.
He wears a beret.
He's got a trench coat on.
But when that dude would get on stage, you'd be like, whoa, what is this?
A new kind of comedy?
What the fuck is going on?
And all the people that have ever like completely ignited a completely different style of comedy, he's my number one.
Mike Tyson Preachy Comedy Bits00:11:08
Really?
Yeah, man, because out of nowhere, he's doing this wild, screaming, yelling, like passionate preacher comedy.
He was doing a fucking tent revival preacher comedy.
Right.
That's what he did.
He was one of Rock's favorites, which kind of makes sense.
Because they're both essentially preaching.
Yes, yes.
But Rock, he's one of Rock's favorites because Rock saw him in like the 86, 88 era.
I saw him in 88.
I got to saw him.
88 was, he was on the slide.
And this is as a lifelong die-hard Sam Kinnison fan.
I'm not saying this in any disrespect.
I think he's one of the greatest of all time.
But I think you have to judge comics as like the highest RPMs that they achieve.
Just the same way you have to judge fighters.
Like the people say, who's one of the greatest heavyweights of all time in boxing?
I say Mike Tyson.
Because Mike Tyson during his day was a fucking destroyer.
And maybe it only lasted a few years, but he's the guy who comes to mind for me because I grew up during the era where Mike Tyson was the executioner.
So I feel like that about almost everything.
Like almost everything has to be judged by the eras in which it happens.
Don't you think that's the case?
Yeah.
And for my money, Sam Kinnison during that era was just a fucking new thing.
Nobody had seen anything like that.
There's this guy with a fucking trench coat and a beret, and he's screaming about going to hell and how Satan's going to be like, oh, you've been married?
Oh, this is normal to you.
We'll show you the place where we torture souls.
He had this thing where he would scream at the audience.
I've been married twice.
I would be like Club Men.
He was this fat guy screaming.
Hell would be like club men.
I've been married twice.
It was like no one had seen anything like it.
And he had like knowledge of the Bible.
He would do like biblical knowledge in the middle of bits.
Like if Bill Hicks was funny.
Oh my God.
Shut your mouth.
I saw Bill Hicks murder.
Really?
Murder.
I saw Bill Hicks bump.
I saw Bill Hox.
You don't like Bill Hicks?
I hate that guy.
Really?
Maybe I hate his fans, but like people still walk around like Bill Hicks was the great.
It's like, come on, bro.
I'll tell you what.
Stop pretending you like Big Bang.
Listen to me, man.
There was a fucking green room at the punchline in Atlanta, and it had someone, everyone graffitied all over the walls.
And in one part, it said, quit trying to be Hicks.
Yeah, he had a chicken.
It's true.
Because he made you feel like you were doing something stupid.
You were so jealous of him.
I was lucky.
I got a chance to see him when I was an open micer.
So I was just starting out.
And I saw him twice.
And one time he murdered, and one time he bombed.
I mean, it was amazing.
It was amazing.
And me and Greg Fitzsimmons and a couple other comics that I don't think are doing anymore were on the back of Nick's Comedy Stop.
And he went on after a dude who was a very regionally funny, middle-act, very, you know, obvious premises, but did a good job.
Had a good set.
And Bill Hicks ate cock.
He ate cock for the majority of his set.
And people were just getting up and leaving, getting up and leaving.
And he was doing this bit about some bit about someone taking his shit.
So he's in the middle of taking a shit.
I forget exactly, I don't want to butcher it.
In the middle of taking his shit, he's like, eh.
He looks up and goes, this usually clears a room.
And people are like leaving in droves.
It's like a 300-person room.
By the end of it, there's maybe 50 people and maybe 10 comedians were fucking crying, laughing.
And he never looked faced.
He never looked faced.
And we were howling.
And we weren't howling ironically.
We were howling because his shit was funny.
It was just so dark.
It was so crazy.
It was like some of his stuff was so funny.
It was just, it was different than any other kind of comedy.
It was like comedy from a dude who recently did mushrooms and was reevaluating everything.
And that was like pretty much what was actually going on with Bill.
And then he quit doing drugs and he just dedicated himself to like getting like messages out in comedy.
And the problem is back then, no one had a fucking podcast, man.
So you had to be funny.
And if you had something that you felt like people needed to know about it, you had to figure out how to put that into comedy.
It's too complicated.
It makes people preachy.
That's okay.
That's what I heard back.
So I do it.
But doesn't that happen to comics as they get better, as they get more famous, as they get more successful?
They become more preachy.
Watch Louis C.K. He's not preachy.
Yeah, Louis is a...
Dave Chappelle is not preachy.
Dave Chappelle is expressive.
He wants you to know exactly how he feels about things, but he's the biggest comic alive.
He's not preachy.
Yeah, I think a bit.
I hate that noise.
He's trying to express himself in the most honest and compassionate way possible.
He's a beautiful person.
He's one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life.
Like genuinely always nice.
Rarely angry at any, even if he's mad at someone's trying to ruin his career, he'll have a joke or two about it.
And they'll be like, and then everyone's laughing.
Have you seen Jamie Fox's impression?
So good.
We talked about this.
Is Jamie the most talented entertainer?
Maybe ever.
Maybe ever.
Impressions.
Yeah.
Singing.
He played the piano.
Yes.
Wait, I didn't know.
He played home.
No, no, Jamie Fox can do anything.
He's one of those people that can literally do anything.
Yeah, here's the impression.
You want to run it back?
Yeah, run it back because it's so preposterous.
I ran up on stage.
I was in Sants.
I was in Santa.
Powell, nigga.
Come on.
Thank you, Jamie Foxx.
If you're ever in trouble, if you're ever in trouble, Jamie Foxx will show up on the sheriff.
All the other comedians just stood there.
Wait, don't mean it.
Take over.
Even the physicality.
I see you, Chris Rock.
I mean, if you blindfolded me, I'd go, oh, that's Dave Chappelle.
What you talking about?
Yeah.
Now, Dave's stupid.
Yeah, Dave's stupid.
Who's that?
Yeah.
That's so good.
That's so good.
It's preposterous.
I want the Jamie Foxx documentary.
He's just done everything.
Like, his life is so fascinating.
You know what?
I think his work speaks for itself.
What do you mean?
I mean, I don't need a documentary.
I need that dude.
I don't want to interrupt.
Keep going.
Do whatever the fuck you want to do.
I want to see how he plays Mike Tyson.
He's going to play Mike Tyson.
Oh, that's crazy.
I bet it's going to be phenomenal.
He does an amazing Mike Tyson impression.
And he also is of that age who grew up during the time when Mike Tyson was the dominator.
So he knows what that really was like.
It's like you're not recreating that.
We experienced that.
Mike Tyson fought Bruce Seldon.
Bruce Selden looked like a comic book superhero.
And you could see the fear in his eyes when he fought Mike Tyson.
Mike Tyson just looking at you like there is not a chance in the world that you're going to survive.
Oh, hells.
Yeah.
There we go.
Oh, dumb.
What do we got?
What a legend.
We got a pee again.
It looks like a lot of fun if you hate your body.
TikTok.
Yeah, it's your pleasure.
I love it.
Don't get me wrong.
I wish I could have some.
No, I wouldn't buy it.
If I was hungry, if I didn't have dinner reservations, I would fucking eat the shit out of that pizza.
Joe, we got to wrap this up, bro.
Please let us.
It's an honor to be here in the new studio.
Thank you so much for all your support.
You support me, man.
My pleasure.
People need to know you're a great guy.
Damn it.
They know you're great, but I don't think they know how great you are.
I think it's very, very rare that people in your position are this benevolent.
And I think that you set a tone that the rest of us try to follow.
Well, that's so nice of you, but I think it's good for everybody.
I know you think it's good for everybody, but I think that if the guy on top is doing it and you don't do it, you're a piece of shit.
Right.
And I think that most people on top don't do it, and that's how they get to the top.
And I think that's what was so profound about what happened with you is that everybody underneath you was like, no, I got to look out for my boys.
I got to put them on a path and build their thing.
Exactly.
Yeah, they all took the same sort of strategy.
Yes.
Yes.
It was just the right path.
It was just like I saw that path.
It was just the right path.
It's not like a big deal in terms of what it really is is what we should have been doing all along, but we were all like scratching and clawing to try to get Hollywood gigs.
And I think once the internet came along, it gave comedians this completely new network of everybody became an asset, not just like a competitor, but competitor is good.
Like if you train at a jiu-jitsu gym, you want to train at a place that has black belts because you want to be able to get to a really high level and you want to know if your stuff is bullshit.
So if you pull something off and you can pull it off on a purple belt, but the black belt keeps fucking it up, that might be bullshit.
And you don't find that out.
The same way with comedy.
Comedy doesn't exist in a vacuum.
If you go to a place that doesn't have a comedy community, you never find the best comic in the world.
They just, it's, I don't say never, but it's super rare if that's ever happened.
I don't think it ever happened.
It's a fucking new art form, right?
We are really clearly indebted to each other.
And the only way to recognize that is to reach out to each other and to say it.
And to just like express, I try to express it all the time when I'm in my green room before my shows.
I'm like, we are so lucky.
We're so lucky we could do this.
This is the craziest thing in the world.
Is that all it sounds?
Beautiful.
Gratitude is, it sounds like wooden beads and crystals, but it's fucking real.
That shit's real.
Gratitude is real.
It's like you're putting an energy out there that makes people feel good and it makes people want to do the same.
Yeah, I agree with you.
I just don't think we realize that until you.
Yeah, I think that, yeah.
I think you made people, I think you guilted people into liking something.
Like, I think you were doing it.
So if somebody else didn't do it, there was under you that maybe put you put them on or somebody else was trying to emulate you.
They're going, all right, well, Joe's doing it.
I got to also do this.
And then when somebody starts to do it, it's like the altruism kick in.
There's a dopamine release for altruism.
You know someone else.
You start to feel good.
And then you do that.
And you're like, oh my God, I really enjoy doing this.
That's the thing that people need to realize.
Like, being nice is great.
Feels good.
Feels good to everybody.
When you make people feel good, you feel good too.
You know, it's good for all parties involved.
It's not a selfish, you know, one-way endeavor.
If someone gets success, it should be good for you too.
You should be happy for them.
And then they're happier.
Like you're happy and everyone's happy.
And we can all like sort of like go through this weird thing together because we don't know what this is.
UFOs And Community Feelings00:15:08
You know, every day you wake up and you try to pretend like all of it makes sense, but you fucking shut your brain off every night and you go black for like eight hours, gone, in another dimension.
And then you wake up in the morning and pretend that any of that shit makes any sense.
All of it.
We're so accustomed to going unconscious.
Literally having dreams.
I had a dream that I was spearfishing in a fucking tunnel that was in a cave where there was Mayan artifacts.
What the fuck is that?
What is that?
But it was vivid.
In the dream, it was vivid.
It was like I could see the paint and the gold and red paint on these artifacts.
I was like, this is wild.
We're in a cave system spearfishing.
Wake up.
Nope.
Back in Texas.
And you just go about your day.
Yeah.
Like it did.
Back in my day, like I wasn't just living in another world.
We're all going through this.
This is craziness.
Yeah.
Are the aliens real or not?
Tell me, bro.
I don't know.
We're going to find out, though.
You know, the first time we ever hung out, this is after we did the podcast.
Yeah, tell them.
We went out to do it.
I don't think anybody knows about this.
They might not.
You tell me, hey, what are you doing for dinner tonight after I do the pod?
And I'm like, well, shit, I don't have any plans.
I'm in LA.
He goes, well, come to dinner at me at the, what is it, the all-you-can-eat Brazilian restaurant?
What's it called?
Fogo de Chow.
Fogo de Chow.
He goes, come to Fogo to Chow.
And when you type it, I don't even know what food we're eating.
I got to Google it.
Right?
It's like, okay, it's a Brazilian restaurant.
So we go and you're like, we're going to come with Bob.
I go, okay, cool.
And we go with Bob Lazar.
This is the guy who was working on the UFO.
And I explained to you who he was because I wanted you to get a read on him.
Because I wanted you to decide whether or not you thought he was bullshit.
This is a guy that was allegedly, according to him, he back-engineered alien spacecrafts at Area S4.
It was a guy who worked for Lockheed Martin.
And he claims that he worked on these UFOs.
And we all went out to dinner.
Fogo to Chow.
And we're sitting there and Andrew and I are cutting meat and eating and just talking.
I got my green light on.
They keep coming around.
This guy, Joe's like, put the fucking red light on.
You had enough steak, whatever the fuck.
I don't know the rules of Fogo to Chow.
You get a green card.
It's the best fucking place ever if you love meat.
You have a green card on one side and it's red on the other side.
And so when you want to keep that food rolling, you keep that green up.
But Andrew's like, fucking fucking music coming.
He's taking chicken legs.
I go, you got to flip it over if you got to tap out.
Give you a break.
So you flip it over.
It's a good system.
So we're sitting there at Eaton and Bob Lazar is detailing to us shit that he couldn't even talk about on the podcast.
Wild.
And explaining what they were trying to do.
Begrudgingly, by the way.
Begrudging.
And that's what kind of convinced me.
He was like, I don't care to argue about this or debate about this.
Like, if you don't believe me, it's fine.
I don't need to be here.
Like, I don't even care.
Yeah.
Remember he kept saying that?
Yeah.
And then he was like, this is what I experienced.
I care a little bit.
You dedicate your whole life today.
No, he didn't dedicate his life.
Like he was an engineer.
He was only there for a short period of time.
And here's the word gets wild.
You want to hear the whole story?
Yeah.
He had top secret clearance because he has to work on these crafts, allegedly, according to him.
But because of that, they had to tap into his phones.
They had to monitor all of his discussions.
Like if he's selling information to the Russians, they're going to...
Okay.
So during that time period, his wife is having an affair.
And they kill his top secret clearance and suspend him during this time period and with no explanation because they think he'll be emotionally unstable.
And you can't have a guy like that working on fucking UFOs.
So they don't tell him, though.
They don't tell him his wife is cheating on him.
So he's trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.
And he brings friends out into the mountains to view the launches of these UFOs because they're on a very specific schedule and he knows the schedule.
So he takes these people out deep into the Nevada desert, which is now the area, though, he took people to.
You can't even go there anymore.
It's now off limits.
But at the time, you can go there.
And he was watching with his friends.
They were filming these fucking things flying around in like these preposterous ways that no airplane could fly.
Did you see any of the videos?
I've seen it, but you don't know what you're looking at.
Like you're looking at lights.
Like it could be anything.
That was the Elon thing.
Yeah, Elon said some shit.
Like, why don't they have better camera footage available?
But they do.
He's not totally correct.
The FLIR footage that they have from the David Fraver, the Commander David Fraver had one of the most impactful UFO video encounters that's ever happened.
It was off the coast of San Diego and they found this thing that moved from 50,000 feet above sea level to 50 in less than a second.
They don't know what it is.
They have no idea what it was.
But it was actively monitoring them because it blocked all of their tracking devices, which is technically an act of war.
And then just fucking just took off, gone, and went back to their cat point, which is the place where they had like a designated spot where they're supposed to meet up during this mission.
Because what they're doing with this mission is it's a training mission.
And they had a dedicated, and that fucking UFO went to that spot.
It's like, I know where you're going, bitch.
And it took off again and gone.
And then when they relayed this to the Nimitz, he was explaining how the people that were working there were like, we see these things like every couple of weeks.
We have no idea what the fuck it is.
We don't know what they're doing.
So you're 100% convinced, UFOs.
I'm not because it could be a drone that they don't tell those people about.
It could be something that the government's working on.
It could be a different government or something.
Most likely us.
See, the thing about communism is like it, like the way they do it over there is like slash communism, slash capitalism.
Maybe that works, but a lot of what they do is they steal a lot of intellectual property from the United States.
It's one of the problems.
There's not a problem with the United States stealing intellectual property from China, as far as I know.
It doesn't make the news.
But they banned Huawei.
The reason why they banned Huawei is the cell phone company, right?
The company that makes, they make modems as well.
They make many things.
But they found like enough of an indication that they were suspicious.
There's some back doors in order to get data.
So if you're using like Huawei devices and you have some like super secure network that's developing nuclear weapons or whatever the fuck you're doing, they would get all that data.
So there's like, chill the fuck out.
You know, we're in this weird time where we're only like a decade or so away from nothing being a secret ever.
What do you mean?
There will be no more secrets.
You'll be able to read minds.
You're coming to a place where language is probably going to be universal and you're going to be able to communicate with people that are nowhere near you using the power of your thought.
This is the Neuralink.
This is many of these technologies they're developing.
If you had to think about where it's going to go, that's where it's going to go.
That's the one guy I talked to.
He said, that's the end point of AI.
That's where it's all headed.
We're all in one consciousness.
Well, it might be that you give me a broken glass, you cocksuckers.
I almost caught myself.
What a dog.
Wow, wow.
If you, please.
The Russians.
Please.
It's no big deal.
You drink out of this end.
I drink out of that end.
Yeah, you can drink.
Write this part.
What were we just talking about?
The Russians.
Group consciousness.
No, group consciousness and singularity.
What they're looking for.
Don't worry about all that.
Don't worry about all that.
You have to miss the business.
It's a problem, bro.
It's just water.
And fingers.
I want to state for the record that most of this podcast is nonsense.
Yeah.
I would say 100%.
We like to be safe and just go 100%.
100% nonsense.
If asked, I stand by none of my claims.
No, this is all scripted.
This is a scripted podcast, and this is for your parody.
Exactly.
Okay, but with the five dudes drunk.
With the UFO shit, right?
Four.
They're out there.
They're out there, bro.
Say it.
You believe it.
No, the thing is, I don't believe it because I don't know for sure.
But if I had a guess, I would have to say most likely they're out there because there's not enough options.
Like, if you had to think that this is the most unique circumstance ever in the history of the universe, the problem with that is the universe is too big.
So it's so big that everything that's ever existed, including everything that's ever happened on Earth in the exact same order, has happened an infinite number of times.
You have to understand what infinity means.
It's too big for anybody to understand.
So are there aliens?
Of course, there's not just aliens out there.
You're out there.
You're not just out there once.
You're out there an impossible number of times and you're doing life all kinds of different ways.
The number of people that live exactly the same as you have with every pause, every mistake, every success, all of it is exactly the same.
It's infinite.
That's how big the universe is.
And there's also one that's the opposite.
Yes.
Failures, disgrace, everything.
Falling apart, murder, suicide, all of it.
Probably every single iteration of human beings.
Vegan you out there, Joe.
And that motherfucker trying to get it.
That's where you cross the line.
Yeah, I just wonder, man.
If you watched a moose stomp a person to death, you think you could eat that moose?
Joe, I'll suck the moose's dick and I'm good, bro.
I don't know what you don't understand about me.
That apex predator, this mouth.
This mouth is a predator, dog.
Take some mushrooms out, guys.
You need something, like a massage or something.
Something therapeutic.
Like your yoga class.
I don't know.
Sorry, bro.
This is married life, Joe.
This is married life.
Well, listen.
I'm going to end this bitch.
Listen, we love you, bro.
We love you.
I appreciate you guys.
And I'm very, very happy that there's so many of us out there.
You know, this is an interesting time because none of us would have ever had a show like this or like any of the shows that we do if it was up to gatekeepers.
That's true.
It wouldn't happen.
They would have never said yes.
That's true.
They would have never left you alone.
Like some of the shit that you say, you know, like they would never let you alone.
100%.
There's no way.
And the only way to do this is to do it this way.
Yes.
You got to just kind of.
And we are very grateful for you because of this.
Well, listen, I'm grateful that it exists.
And, you know, I just remember Sal's Comedy Corner or something like that, Comedy Hole.
Remember that?
Yeah, that's comedy hall.
That's when I knew something was happening with you.
With me?
Like, you were doing shows there, right?
Like, you would have like a live show or something there.
And there was this little place off Melrose or something like that, right?
Oh, okay.
And like, this is, no, no, this is like live like stand-up.
But like, this is when you were maybe not working at the store or something.
I was banned from the store.
Stand from the store, but you were like selling out these shows because of the podcast.
And I heard that and I was like, wait a minute, like something is going on here.
There are people who can't sell out shows at comedy clubs and they're giving away tickets.
And this guy's doing a comedy show.
It was a restaurant slash comedy club.
I don't think I had a podcast back then.
Are you sure?
Yeah, because the podcast was 2009.
And maybe that was 2009, maybe.
But I was banned from the store in 2007.
I thought it was off podcast because I was like, there's something happening with community here.
You're a whole lot of people.
No, I really thought it was off podcast.
No, no, no.
It might be.
It might be right.
You might be right.
I'm not.
I'm not doing it.
I don't know the timeline.
But the more I'm thinking about it, I'm like, it might be right.
It's hard to say.
But that time era, like Sal's Comedy Hole was a good one.
The Ice House was a big one.
That was our real safety route.
Such a fun club, dude.
Great club.
Great club.
Is that back open again?
I don't know.
I haven't been in LA since.
The Ice House was our spot.
And the haha, we did the ha-ha a lot and did the improv a lot, you know?
Anyway, I just remember that happening.
And I remember saying, like, oh, shit, like, you could create your own community.
And people want this.
They want this distraction.
They want the comedy.
They want the conversation.
And I don't have to do these shows on MTV or whatever fucking networks I was working on.
I remember seeing that and I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, something's happening right here.
Well, you create, you, you do create your own community, but what you do is just find other people that are doing the same stuff that you're doing.
Yeah.
And just like everybody, like everybody's creating their own community.
You just like have, you join.
Yeah.
You join together.
It's like no one, no one person really does it.
And if it's your responsibility, if you're the person that's at like, you're further along in your career or further along in the weirdness of the path and in terms of like the amount of people that are following you, it's your obligation.
You have to bring everybody along.
Like, hey, hey, hey, we don't need that anymore.
Those sitcoms are ruining your horrible jokes.
You can't tell terrible jokes if you want to get a sitcom.
Because there's a bunch of fucking trolls out there that'll get you fired.
Yeah.
And they'll take away your livelihood.
Right.
Okay.
Then before you leave, like, what is your.
Who are you looking at?
You.
What is your recommendation for how do we do for New York what you did for LA and then all kinds of people?
You're doing it already, man.
You're already doing it.
What you're doing here is perfect.
This is a perfect example, a perfect like expression of you and of you and of you guys, of everybody that works here.
It's like you're doing it and you're doing it with your stand-up.
You're doing it with your specials.
Just keep doing it.
And it'll get better and you'll find smoother ways to do it.
You're going to continue this weird path that we're all on.
Like, I feel like I get better at doing podcasts every day.
I feel like every time I do it, I get a little bit better.
And I know that sounds crazy, but I just think that we can define ourselves in like a confining way for no reason.
We just say, well, about as good as I ever got to get at this.
But that's not really true.
Like you can get better.
And I still fuck up.
Like sometimes I'll talk over something.
I'm like, fuck.
Like I didn't want to.
It just blurted out.
I'm like, control, settle down.
Like try to figure out how to get the most out of this person.
And it just gets better all the time.
And it's like everything else you do.
It's the amount of energy you put into it, the amount of focus you put into it.
And if you put a lot into it, you can get better at it.
As long as you're alive, as long as you're alive and you're healthy, put a lot into it.
Yeah.
Joe Rogan.
Yes.
Yes.
Get in here, you vegan.
Dirty vegan.
Man, thank you so much, brother.
My pleasure, brother.
I appreciate you for sure.
You have some shows you'd like to promote.
Now we're good.
Joe Rooka Podcast.
I'm in Vegas.
So Joe's July 1st.
Thank you, Michelle.
Appreciate you, Doug.
Appreciate you, too.
You guys are very important to me.
Like all you guys coming up, it's super important to me.
It's beautiful.
It means a lot.
It feels good.
It's nice.
It's like there's a whole fucking savage crew of like really good comics coming up right now.
Real Comedy Almost Mess00:01:32
And they're doing real comedy.
And it's heartwarming.
For me, you know, when I watch you, when I watch you, when I watch Shane Gillis, Norman, and there's so many of these guys that are coming up, Tim Dylan, some of these guys that are coming up, I'm like, God damn, Tony Hinchcliffe, this is a great time.
This is a great time for real comedy.
And Ari Shafir said it best.
He said, this is the best thing because comedy is dangerous now.
Comedy.
One more time.
It's dangerous again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We want there to be a time where you can't say things.
Yeah.
Because that's when we're fun.
Can't's a weird word.
When you're not supposed to say things.
Yeah.
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
You can't tell people what they can't say.
Right.
The problem is most of the people that tell you.
I tried to stop the podcast.
Joe's going.
I just want to point this out.
Tell what you can't say, Joe.
The problem with people, the people that want to tell people what they can't say, almost all of them are a mess.
What do you mean?
There's no amazing examples of people who want to tell you what you can't say.
There's no examples.
When you look at that person, you go, they're kind and compassionate and they're charitable and they're beautiful.