Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh reveal their new Brooklyn studio while dissecting Jordan Peterson's fat-shaming of Yumi New and debating whether attacking comedians like Dave Chappelle constitutes a hate crime. They analyze Elon Musk's alleged sexual harassment claims, compare monkeypox stigma to AIDS history, and recount performing at a Grand Rapids rapist lounge. The episode concludes by exploring George W. Bush's post-presidency painting as guilt coping and promoting upcoming Chicago and Vancouver comedy shows. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Voice From Earth00:14:24
Go ahead, help yourself.
Hello?
Up here.
Who is that?
I'm a voice from Earth.
Who do you think he is?
Where are we?
What's going on here?
What the fuck is that supposed to mean, buddy?
This is the future.
I just walked through a light tunnel.
I come out in a different outfit in a brand new studio.
Can you explain to me?
Why would you think that a little personal shoot?
No, I just thought that.
I'm joking.
So, what do you think?
You mean what I think?
It's unbelievable.
I mean, whoever paid for this probably is poor now and hasn't told their wife yet.
And she's going to be furious when she finds out.
But Flavor 2 is done.
What do you want me to do with this?
The Flavor 2 podcast is done.
Does this look like a podcast?
No.
It doesn't look like a podcast at all.
It looks like box seats to the squid games.
That's what this looks like.
I mean, it's like a casting couch for the Vatican.
This is beautiful.
Look at the ceiling.
Dude, this place looks like the Ninja Turtles hosted the view, bro.
Stop.
You're missing it.
This is not just a podcast.
This is the greatest head in the universe.
Thank you.
That means a lot coming from you.
I mean, you have experience with the universe, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that Flagrant 2 is over.
It's called the Bubbler, okay?
And it's funny.
Hey, we don't want to just interview people.
We want to hang out, bust balls, show their funny side.
Exactly.
And that's why we watch.
This is one of the few places on the planet where we can all dance together and have a bunch of bullshit going on in the world.
This is real friendship.
And when I hang with you guys, that's when I feel like the truest version of myself.
Wow.
I had no idea.
God is gay.
Jesus, bro.
I'm the truth version of myself.
What are you talking about, gay?
You listen to a harp.
It's the gayest instrument ever.
Didn't you harm your own face?
What's gay about that?
It's my own face.
The only thing that's gay is watching me do it.
That was pretty gay of you to watch.
See how much fun this is?
You need this.
The boys need this.
The people need this.
This is your destiny.
And from this day forth, this show shall be called Flagrant.
You're so gay, bro.
Dude, it's unbelievable.
Hey, fellas, come in here.
I'm just going to answer the question right away.
Too expensive.
Too much.
Okay?
That's how much it was.
Too much.
Okay.
It got to a point, I don't know if you guys are aware of this, but where I just told Dove to stop telling me how much things cost.
Months ago.
He bought a forest today.
Yeah.
I got charged for $4,000 for Flints.
My Flint sent the Venmo request immediately.
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If Dove bought anything with his credit card, not 30 seconds would pass before I got a Venmo charge.
Not 30 seconds.
Does he charge for tax too?
Dude, everything's locked in.
He has my credit card on his Uber.
I said to him, he could take three Ubers if he goes on one day with a Jewish girl.
Yet to be used.
How's it business?
You get stood up at a restaurant.
Oh, you're saying expensive.
Hold on, do we have the ability to get the shade that's on the side of his face?
Dude, earlier, what is it?
The fan of the opera where they're just wearing hats?
Yeah, yeah.
That's what you were looking like, the fan of the opera.
He's Harvey Dent.
Jew face.
Okay, guys.
Obviously, we've been talking about the studio amongst ourselves for a while.
Is there anything that you've been saving for the podcast to tell the people?
This is where we should be now.
Brooklyn was where we should have been then.
It was the man cave.
Yes.
Conversations that you quietly have.
Yes.
Now, this is us.
Classy joint.
We weren't quiet, but people weren't supposed to talk about it.
Now we made it, but we still us.
The studio is fucking fantastic.
There we go.
In the perfect area.
Thank you, Vala.
Volla did a great job getting the studio together.
Yes.
Let's go.
This is absolutely killing.
And Doug, thank you for helping Valor.
Yo, you are a great assistant.
No, you did a great job with the plants.
That was very good.
Could you put a price on this in terms of weddings?
I'll put a price on that.
No, no, no, no.
I'm going to put a price on it right now.
The other day, Mark set a price that he thought was an exaggerated YouTube title.
Yeah, we could do something crazy on the YouTube title like my ex-Amount Studio.
And I almost slapped him in his fucking face, thinking that's what this costs.
You know how much this costs.
You've worked in the business.
Look at all the lights.
Go to the one where it shows the lights.
Go up.
Go up.
There you go.
Okay?
Expensive.
My wife doesn't know.
Yeah.
I told my wife there's a $50,000 button in the studio.
That's good.
I went over that at WTO.
That's a great.
She's not just another dumbass.
Google something.
Now, I know she knows the expensive because she just keeps running up the honeymoon.
No, any other thoughts about the new space?
Because we've been talking about this.
It's not a podcast no more.
Yes.
We're fastest.
We're past the podcast.
Yo, have you never seen a podcast look like this?
This is a show.
Yes.
It should be on TV, but we're too flagrant for it.
Yes.
This is the greatest show on the internet.
Don't ever let Akash prepare something before he says it.
I can't help it.
I'm passionate about what you spent your money on.
It is weird because obviously we know this was going on.
Now, a lot of people thought that we were stopping the podcast.
And by a lot of people, I mean nobody thought that we were stopping the podcast.
We really thought we were going to trick motherfuckers.
We were like, yeah, yeah, we'll put a flagrant sound with a question mark on it.
Ooh, mystery.
Mystery.
It's two weeks for them to pick up on it.
I think two weeks later, somebody posted in the rent.
They're like, did you see the question mark?
Something might be happening.
And the IG story is like, yo, somebody noticed, please.
Yeah.
Y'all weren't asking enough.
Do y'all not care?
You weren't even asking enough.
We had to post ourselves.
It's over now.
We're doing thirst traps.
Fuck.
Like some podcast thoughts.
But the real reason why we didn't have the episode last week, we liked to front like we were scaring you, we were leaving.
But I was in Los Angeles and I was filming a movie because I'm an actor now.
Yeah, you were.
I'm a death spear.
And also, also, you got to get some money for the studio.
And I also had to make some money for the studio.
I had to do that.
Are you allowed to say what movie or no?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm White Man Cam Jump.
I'm a superstar.
I hope you didn't flub your lines like you flopped.
Hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
Hit the super white button.
I don't see me.
You can still see me.
Now, Joe.
Start standing up on your podcast.
Start standing up on your podcast.
Why don't you?
Okay, well, you literally told Hollywood, you say, yo, don't cast me any more movies.
Acting is stupid.
Yo, yo, yo.
Okay, so here's something interesting.
So, Cal Maddick, who's directing it, brilliant fucking dude, happens to be a Brilliant Idiots fan.
Been listening to Brilliant Idiots forever.
And he straight up told me, he goes, bro, I almost didn't cast you in the movie.
Well, because you said I'm Brilliant Idiots.
I'm the worst actor ever.
Don't ever cast me in a movie.
Like, what are the chances the director is going to be like a fan of Brilliant Idiots, right?
And I was like, well, thank God you didn't do it.
And he was like, oh, it was really close.
It was like, really close.
Yeah, yeah.
So, yeah.
Keep not casting me.
Yeah, oh, right?
Reverse psychology.
You know what I'm saying?
I only know two people cast in the movie.
Okay, go.
You and Jack Harlow.
Yep.
Yo, Jack's good, man.
I ain't gonna fry.
Jack's a cool ass dude.
He seems smart.
He seems like he'd get acting on it.
Yeah, but he's good energy.
Like, he's sweet and he's like, he'll give it up.
Like, he's not like a lot of times, famous people, like at least entertainers, are so insecure, they don't compliment at all because they're just like, the world is about me and nothing else type of thing.
But he was just like, I'm looking at this young kid.
He's in his 20s, right?
And I'm looking at him like going up to people and be like, hey, man, you're making this movie better and this is really awesome.
I don't even know if he has insecurity.
I don't know.
Like, it was just a lot of confidence.
Yeah.
I have insecurity.
Where?
I cover it up with extreme confidence.
Yeah.
Oh, that's hard.
I'm like, that's really smart.
You want to see my insecurity?
It should have been in the last movie.
Hiding in my fucking trailer.
Yeah.
So I didn't get bullied.
Yeah.
You want to know how good Eddie Murphy rose to you, bro?
Oh, my God.
You want to know how good?
Don't know.
Oh, yo.
Yo, this is so funny.
Go, Tell, tell, tell.
At Akaza's show in Tacoma.
Oh, God.
He's having a back and forth with a dude.
He's doing crowd work.
He's doing jokes, blah, blah, blah.
He's ripping.
He finishes a big joke, big crescendo.
The energy's kind of coming down.
It's silent in the room.
And one guy in a booth in the very back goes, yeah.
Levels the room.
Fucking crush, dude.
He did it the first time.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Hey, Eddie Murphy.
Fuck you, dude.
Yo.
Wait, what?
What?
Eddie Murphy, bro.
Wait, what?
It was the guy.
Why are you giving me a shot?
Yeah, but he started that.
You started it.
I did?
Yes, by being a bad actor.
Goddamn it.
My bad, Eddie.
You're good.
By the way, the funny thing about the plants that people don't understand, those aren't, there's no light, real light coming in there.
And we're using real plants.
What do you mean there's no real light coming in here?
I see a skylight right here.
Oh shit, you're right.
My bad.
Yeah, where are we?
Well, don't say where we are.
Oh, shit.
Bleep that, believe that, believe that.
Make sure you mark that.
Yeah, but there's a beautiful window there with our gorgeous new view of wherever we are on the planet right now.
Do you know what I mean?
What exotic locality?
My bad.
My bad.
Yeah, right?
We need to change this.
It's a jet ladder.
It's good, too.
Hey, thanks, man.
This is a good outfit.
Yo, thanks, buddy.
You really went to it.
I thought of Al when I did, when I put the shoes on.
I was like, I think I'm matching.
I had to check on my wife.
I was like, hey, baby, am I matching?
They can't see it.
I saw you.
She was like, yeah, close enough.
Nah, you went for it.
Al, you got it.
Al, you got it.
Mark wore the same thing he's been wearing on the podcast for the last three years.
And you know what pissed me off?
Is I know Mark had an outfit on deck that he decided not to wear.
Wow.
What do I have on deck?
Oh, you act like, I don't know.
I had the backup.
You had a backup.
Okay.
Yeah.
This is the backup.
Nah.
Yes.
No, no, no, no.
You had a backup.
Can you say the backup?
That's my hottest shit right here.
Say the backup.
The backup.
The backup.
How would be from my friend Jamil that has a sick, you know, little.
Jamil came through with a duffel bag like he was playing basketball 15 minutes before I saw him.
I was like, what's in the duffel?
He goes, oh, I got Mark's fit ready.
I go, oh, shit, you brought Mark up?
No.
Yeah, yeah.
He goes shopping in his closet.
To hook me up.
Mark goes, yo, what you wore at Radio City was fire, bro.
That shit was fire.
And he was like, oh, yeah, that was kind of cool.
He's like, you wearing that Monday shirt?
No way.
Yes, look.
If I don't know what to wear, I text all the black people I know.
I say, hey, do you have anything?
Fly.
And then they do.
I got that call before Radio City.
He's like, what'd you think about that?
I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.
Did you bring the gloves?
Somebody has black gloves, black stage.
Someone had black leather gloves backstage.
Was that you?
You it feels vala.
Come on.
Oh my god, I saw black leather gloves backstage.
And I remember thinking, I was like, yo, one of these motherfuckers is going for it today.
How'd you think that Vala was the second choice?
You went, Akash, you think that that wasn't.
He's not black leather gloves.
You got a crush as an opener?
Yes.
Fuck you.
Hell yeah.
What did you, what were you using those gloves for?
Gloves?
I can't speak.
Yo.
Uh-oh.
CGS?
It's the altitude where we at right now.
Ah, you're right.
You're right.
You're right.
I had to adjust my accent.
You know what I mean?
Different time zones.
Yeah, you know.
You know, what time zone are we in, guys?
What cup you drink?
Son, they're going to know where we at.
Oh, this kind of gets.
Why'd you drink every rate when you said it?
Damn it.
Son, it's a ceramic cup.
We bought those.
Yeah, we're making a gross.
That's true.
These are the coverts.
Yo, take a lap.
Just one time around.
Oh, okay.
I didn't walk around.
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
How does he not know anything about it?
Okay, it's because we've been sitting too long.
That's it.
Yeah, but we've been sitting too long.
I sit too long.
We don't do this in the morning.
It's a rap.
It's a rap, right?
I didn't have my call too.
It's a rap.
It's a son.
I can't do it.
It's a rap.
Son, how do we talk for a living, bro?
Son, I don't know.
Okay.
Look, so anything else to say about our studio, my blossoming movie career?
Acting is also a talent.
Now that I got good at it, I respect it.
Did you play ball?
Say that.
Did you play ball?
No, I can I say what I do?
No, not in the movie, but like while you guys are waiting.
Did you play ball?
No, but I had a oh, yeah, I was hooping a little bit.
But you can't exactly do it.
So you have to take it to Jack.
Nah, Cinqua can play.
Nah, I give Jack buckets on any time.
The only person that could probably beat me on set was Cinqua.
He played ball in college.
And I beat his ass too.
Talk that.
I'm sorry, bro.
This is what it is.
I'll go on this one too.
Let's go.
I got you.
I got you, baby.
I got you, baby.
No, no, I'm giving them all buckets.
But yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was fun.
One scene was fun.
And they were just letting me fuck it in.
So Blake Griffin and Noah, Noah Weinstein's company, different wine scene.
Same behavior.
He makes hit movies on a limited bucket.
Blake Griffin is a production company.
So he's producing films and that kind of stuff.
Like he was on set too?
Yeah, yeah, he was on set.
So you're not beating everybody on set.
Well, he was on set one day after.
You know what I'm saying?
You probably do the win.
I can't give him buckets, bro.
No.
He was the number two pick.
No, you ain't giving me buckets.
He wasn't the number two pick.
He wasn't the number two pick.
I already beat a number two pick.
I already beat him.
I think Blake Griffin was number one pick.
That's why you're not beating him.
Yeah.
Well, he wasn't number two.
Blake Griffin Production00:15:20
Fuck.
Was he really number one?
Yeah, he was number one, bro.
God damn, bro.
Anyway, shout out to Blake.
So what year was that number two pick drafted?
Time is a circle that's flat, bro.
Do you know what I mean?
It's kind of like Shifty's head.
Time is Shifty's head.
What do you think about it?
It really is.
All right, so maybe Blake will bust my ass.
But outside of that, no, I got him.
Second best on the screen.
Second best.
No, but him and like Kenya, Kenya Barris, obviously producing as well.
And they basically were like, yo, just go for it.
Like, just go riff some lines.
And bro, it was, do you guys know Duno?
He's got a podcast on No Jumper.
And he does a show with Letty as well.
Yeah.
Okay.
And, but it was him and like two other dudes, two other Mexican dudes, and they were just kind of there on the scene.
I want to say what's happening in the scene, but like they're just go, like, go riff.
So I interpret that as like make fun of three Mexicans.
Yeah.
So I had them go hangers, you know, dude.
I call them the Wet Backstreet Boys.
I had a couple good ones.
I'll save the ones that I think they might use.
But I think that gave me a little confidence.
Yeah.
I did not have that shit in the old movie, bro.
I'm no Mexicans.
That's what I'm saying.
Bro, that's what I need.
That is a great idea.
I think you need to improv your lines.
I think a scripted thing is not for you.
It's very similar to what sign fans are.
I think you gotta go.
You just gotta let this guy improv.
You know what I mean?
You just gotta let him go.
What do I tell you about when he prepares shit, bro?
He just hurts feelings when he prepares shit, man.
This is the greatest show on the internet.
Let's go.
That's my single.
Yeah, we're not used to all this.
This is a little fancy.
Number one shows.
He's crazy.
Who's producing this, man?
What are we doing?
Okay, boys, shall we talk about Jordan Peterson trying to act like he didn't take down no fucking elk in his day?
Should we talk about that?
He's a big game hunter.
He's from Alberta.
Did you hear about no big chicks?
So, you know who Jordan Peterson is, right?
Okay.
We got to ask you about white people.
We had him on the podcast.
So there's a girl who's on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Her name is Yumi something.
Yeah.
She's actually like the niece.
She's like related to Steve Aoki.
Oh, really?
In a weird way.
Yeah, yeah.
Or I'm just racist.
But yeah, so she's on the cover and she's a bigger girl.
And Jordan Peterson writes, Sorry, not beautiful.
No amount of authoritarian tolerance is going to change that.
Here's the thing.
Face, beautiful.
She's a beautiful girl.
Body, beautiful.
It is.
It is.
Body.
She's built like I Honda, bro.
But, but I don't think, I think that you could still be beautiful.
What is beautiful?
Is it the perfect package totally?
What if you're talking about this?
You've talked about quote-unquote fat models.
That's different.
How is that different?
Fat models can be beautiful.
I just think being a fat model is the laziest thing ever.
Okay.
You know, that was my argument.
My argument wasn't that there aren't big, beautiful people.
There's tons of big, beautiful people.
My mom, right?
I talk about her big beautifuls all the time on this very podcast.
That's a good point.
Speaking of which, there's a baby formula shortage.
Sandra Cambridge.
We never talk about that.
No.
We got to get her out here in the world.
Save the planet, bro.
There's two brothers here that could be doing some work.
Oh, my God.
I'll get some couch.
I also want to get the mom in the mix.
I'll just say it.
Them four locos.
Come on, Al.
Come on.
They're about to legalize them fucking.
I said nothing.
Yeah, I know.
You smart.
Because you don't want us to talk about your mom.
Yeah.
And we won't.
I don't have one.
I have nothing.
What?
I got nothing.
That's more rude than saying your mom doesn't have beautiful bodies, bro.
Because you guys are animals.
You guys are animals, bro.
You're a mom, though.
You guys are animals.
You can't pick up your mom?
Yeah.
No.
I mean, no.
She doesn't exist.
There's no one.
No.
She's not poor, bro.
She's real.
No one exists.
No.
No, come on, dude.
Come on, what?
I mean, just describe your mom.
You sucked on your mom's tits.
No, I did.
Not his mom, my mom.
Oh, you just sucked on yourself.
Come on.
That's what he got his green eyes from, bro.
Sucked him out of a white lady.
Come on, man.
My game is in teeth.
Come on.
I'm not going to try wallet, bro.
You can't do that to her.
It's not fucking just like touching shit, moving shit for no reason right now.
All right, all right.
Okay, so just to clarify, we're not going to talk about your mother and her body, even though now you've created a situation where we need to.
Yeah, I guess.
Like, nobody wants to talk about my mom, my and you know, her big old tits because we talk about it.
She might crush us with one.
Yeah.
Say again?
What?
She went very well.
What?
She might crush us as well.
Honestly, dude, you started.
You started.
You opened up the body.
Stopping it up.
Honestly, you went too far, Edward.
You went so far, we might not be able to come back, bro.
I just said, I think you're not going to be able to do it.
You're mad at Al.
Because he was going to just say, yes, I know what's wrong with Ali Improv?
If I caught it, you'd get me excited, bro.
What?
My mom got four locos.
She went so high.
She do got the four locos.
She do have the four locos illegal in 49 states.
M shits is illegal in 49 states.
Can we talk about this model, please?
Say again?
Can we talk about this beautiful model?
Why don't we talk about other beautiful women?
Why do we always have to talk about models?
That's a good question.
Yeah, everybody wants to talk about models non-stop.
Let's talk about other beautiful women, like our mothers.
You mean?
You mean that?
Real talk.
Yo!
Thank God, real talk.
That's what God does.
Crazy big ass titties can't get pregnant.
Oh, man.
Right?
Right, though?
That's brilliant.
Oh, come on, Mark.
Mark, why don't you look at that right there, Mark?
I'm looking at the other Mark.
The guy in the DP that's watching us like, what the fuck did I do here?
No, listen.
It's like when you go blind, but you hear better.
Is that even true?
It must be.
You know the mom's breasts?
You know the Marvel fucking thing, Daredevil?
He's blind, but he can still tell if black people are in a neighborhood breast.
How was that?
He could hear them?
I think we could all hear them.
The music be loud in the car.
Ain't no spidey sense.
Perfectly every time.
Okay, guys.
Listen, we'll get back to Mark's mom in a little bit, but now we are going to unfortunately have to discuss.
It is his.
Or one family member.
Listen, I don't have sisters.
I don't have sisters.
Al, you have a sister.
But we're not talking about sisters.
We're talking about mothers.
I thought sisters were disrespectful.
Say what?
I have sisters disrespectful.
Sisters disrespectful.
I wouldn't do that to you, Al.
But can we talk about your brother's tits?
He's gone.
He lost 180 pounds or whatever.
Fuck!
Did he give it to Numi Nama?
He lied him.
Listen, I think if we're going to make the actual point, I think that girl is absolutely beautiful.
There we go.
And you can be beautiful.
You can be beautiful, skinny, you can be beautiful, big, but being a model that's big is lazy.
We can just say that.
What do you have to do for work?
Well, you got to learn poses.
You got to walk.
Yeah.
What are they posing?
What is it?
You know, actually, Molly is an actual position.
Pose.
They're like, are you hungry?
She's like.
Come on.
So you hit that.
Stand up.
You hit that right there.
You don't think I can hit that pose?
Yeah, you got the super wide going, yo.
Look how easy it is to pose.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Nah, he ain't working, though.
Yumi's got you, bro.
Would you want me to act?
Yeah, bro.
You guys want me to act?
I was feeling myself after acting, bro.
So we were coming in here and just checking out the studio.
And I was like, well, you could just get a version of me walking around the studio.
We could just, you know, play like the first time we walked in or whatever like that.
And I decided to make a choice.
Down the stairs, but I didn't tell them or nothing.
I was like, yeah, we'll just like act it out.
And I went like this, and I went like, ooh, dude, how fire is that, right?
Like, because aren't you thinking about how hot that is right now?
I wish he was going to Willie Walker, do a little fucking spin on the floor and shit like that.
That would have been way cooler.
It was a subtle choice.
Good ass dude.
There you go.
It was a subtle.
He made a subtle choice.
Yeah, I made a subtle choice.
Understated choice.
I didn't understand it at all.
That was stupid.
Man, this is why my confidence goes away because y'all are bullies, bro.
Can we talk about Yumi New shaking over swimsuits cover reveal?
That's what the tweet was.
I also did.
I didn't like that.
That's what New York wrote is the tweet.
Yo, New York Post don't give a fuck, bro.
Shout out to the post.
Shaking over Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover reveal.
I was like, that's not the right word.
Why can't she be beautiful?
Why is she not beautiful to Jordan Peterson?
Authoritarian tongue.
She's overweight, is his whole point.
Hmm.
Come on.
Also, if you say that shit about a woman, like you're opening up the door for people to talk about your woman.
Ooh.
Good ass point, yo.
I'm not saying we're going to do it, but someone might.
He was getting roasted online.
What do they say?
Not people saying just how ugly he looks.
I don't think he's ugly.
I think he's not ugly.
I think he's a handsome guy.
No, he's not.
He's got a vampire kind of vibe.
That's not attractive, man.
Everything that guy's attractive?
Probably one thing I know, though.
Skinny people hate fat people.
Skinny people hate fat.
Every skinny person hates fat people.
Deep in their fucking bones.
Do you know what it is?
What?
When you're skinny, it's not a choice.
You just have good metabolism.
You grew up eating right.
And then exercise was just part of what you did.
Nobody grew up exercising a kid, like going to the gym to lift weights.
They played a sport.
They required it.
It just becomes part of your life.
So when you see someone that's fat, you assume it's a choice.
You're like, oh, you want to be like this because this is effortless.
Right, right, right.
So I think there is a little resentment.
Like, why the fuck?
Yeah.
Bro, why don't you just be normal like everyone else?
Yeah.
When you were big, right?
And then you had to fucking lose it.
Yeah.
What did you do?
Son.
Stop sucking on them fancy.
Oh, my God.
That's not fair.
That's not fair.
That's not fair, dog.
Come on, come on.
You think I would ever stop the camera?
Good camera.
I figured it out.
I got it.
But no, what'd you do to lose it?
I have to do whatever everybody does, but much more so.
For example, I have to be super strict with eating.
I can't eat any junk food.
I have to exercise every day.
I have like no wiggle room really.
I've never seen you do that.
I know.
We live together.
That's why I've been.
And you always, no, you look good.
You've always looked good when we live together.
Oh, no, buddy.
Listen, whatever you eat, I always eat half.
No way.
Yeah, I used to eat a lot and I was heavier.
I would eat like a lot of healthy food.
I couldn't even do that.
You've seen my family.
Everybody's overweight.
That's not true.
Not anymore.
Not my brother.
Your brother lost a fucking 100 pounds, dog.
Yeah.
That's a whole awkward.
100%.
140.
Yeah.
130, 140.
I'm crazy.
Crazy.
Let's fucking go.
Kick that shit up, yo.
Yeah, absolutely.
Proud of him.
But he was overweight for a while.
My dad overweight.
My mom mows her weight in one place, but it's, you know, it's a lot of weight.
You know what I mean?
What?
What, dude?
What?
What, you think your mom got no body?
That's disrespectful, dog.
Nah, let's get back on bark.
Don't bring my weight on.
Hey, Mokey, come on.
Moke your mom's got bodies.
Marked up when we made this whole studio and it was going to like up the level of discussion on the podcast a little bit.
No, Mark.
No, no, no.
We're going to talk about you and yours.
Talk about you and yours, too.
You know what I'm saying?
All right, come on, bro.
Can we let's have a real discussion?
Yes.
Can we have a real discussion?
What do you think of Jordan Peterson?
I think that he's like gets drunk and goes on Twitter and then says stuff that he.
Mokey, I don't know if he's actually drunk by that.
You know it's coming.
Gets impulsive.
He said he's suffered from like addiction in the past, starts tweeting crazy, and then wakes up the next day and is like, yeah, I don't know about why I really who gets and thinks fat girls are uglier.
That's true, yo.
That's a good point.
Point counterpoint.
That's a great counterpoint.
You know what I'm saying?
If you're drunk, you're on the internet filling yourself.
Yeah.
Trying to get into a Twitter space with that girl.
You may chop it up.
I must be drunk.
Shorty's bad, right?
No, she's a pretty girl.
We're trying to act like stop it.
Like, there's one dude out there who's only slept with skinny girls.
Come on, bro.
I mean.
Oh, that's right.
But yeah, we got to have a number for one away from gay.
What is it?
Like, what is it?
Us, yo.
No, but there's like a name, not a number.
We have to have like a name for you.
Cool guy.
Cool, dude.
Cool guys.
Yeah, yeah.
Wow, that's crazy.
You guys have never slept with a fat girl.
Yeah, that's true.
But the fact that you keep saying it feels like you're, you know, trying to get in front of something.
I've slept with hella fat girls.
I'm proud of that.
Yeah, I was doing like a face.
Like, I was into it.
I was like, you're into it.
Hell yeah.
I went to the window.
I had one of those beds that, like, the wine glass wouldn't move.
Temperatures?
What is it called?
Pepperpedic.
What's the wine glass bed?
Why?
Pepperpedic.
No, it's like memory foams.
Yeah.
They could be on one side.
I wouldn't roll into them in the middle.
I was going to put all the elephants on it because I got the memories.
Conceptually, I know, that was one of the worst deliveries ever.
But conceptually, it was good.
I never forget.
I was like, how do I wear it?
I was so excited to get you out.
That was really good.
That was amazing.
I'm surprised you just didn't go.
Okay, yes, I had some elephants on the bed, but like it was fire, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you get the bed on purpose?
Second?
Did you get the bed on purpose knowing?
No.
That was just a coincidence.
I just thought it'd be a really comfortable bed.
That's a plan, yo.
Yeah.
And then it just worked out.
But for real, yeah, dude.
What age were you fired from you in your chubby chasing run?
Late 20s.
Wow.
Yeah, late 20s.
Yeah.
Mid-20s?
Yeah, mid.
And what was it?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Right?
But there's you felt it, right?
And then you get with like a skinny girl after you're with the big girls.
And you're just like, what's going on with all?
Like, I turned into like an old black dude at a barbecue.
And I'm like, I need some, we don't need barbarians.
Comfortable Bed Coincidence00:07:13
It's like, for real, there's something off, right?
Yeah.
Thank God my girl got the wagon, bro.
When did you transition back?
What?
When I transitioned back to white girls with fat dumps?
Oh, here's a fun combo we can all knock out into.
This kind of a fun combo starter.
You guys want to talk about my belongings?
Oh, you guys don't actually want to talk about that.
Alex ready to chill.
Okay.
I can swim down.
Are we talking?
Okay, we're not talking about it.
Our girl.
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Okay, Mark, can you bring up something?
Can we talk about this dude that left his wife for a Ukrainian refugee?
Yeah.
This British guy takes in a Ukrainian refugee and then just dips out on his girl.
Go.
I blame the girlfriend.
Go.
The arrogance.
The absolute fucking.
This is a pretty girl.
The utter arrogance to think I'm going to let this attractive person live with me and my significant other.
If I'm taking in a refugee, they better be an ugly motherfucker.
Is it arrogance or is it like, oh, I'm so trusting of my husband?
Arrogance.
That's dumb as fuck.
You also don't get to pick the refugee.
It's not like they do a lineup or a tender shit.
No, it's a big picker.
They were talking on Facebook for a minute.
This is all set up by Duke.
And if you look at dude, he got like face tats and shit.
He's a wild boy.
And his girl is kind of fine.
They got two kids, though.
But they were basically talking on Facebook for a minute and then brought it over.
And you get paid by the government.
You get like $3.50 a month for taking in the...
Really?
So he's getting paid to pound that.
Why don't we have refugees?
Say again?
Why don't we have refugees?
But let's re-up on the new ones.
Let's get white ones.
Yeah, exactly.
White refugees you get paid for.
White refugees are sick.
Yeah.
That's a great point.
Let's do that instead.
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
He was trying to catch a Trizzy.
Of course.
Yeah, of course.
It's like, oh, she's here.
Helpful.
Yo, used to getting invaded.
The trifecta.
22 years old, though.
So here's something interesting.
I remember when I was a youngster, parents would have babysitters from like Sweden or some shit.
Opairs, which I've heard of.
Sometimes like Costa Rica.
And the dad.
Always.
Always, bro.
Always.
Why keep doing that?
Yeah.
You heard the same story.
They made a fucking movie about it.
Why are you snitching on Larry like that, bro?
What you doing, Alice, bro?
As a youngster to me, as if it was his life.
At the end of the summer, he's like, I forgot.
I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
CT's.
Have a CT.
No, no, no, no.
We never had an opaque.
My dad knew what time it was.
But isn't that crazy?
Like, why would.
You did have a babysitter.
Yeah, the...
I had my aunt Edith.
And the lesbians.
I had the lesbians when I was younger.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was fire.
The hot nanny is the dumbest.
Like, if you want to be faithful, this is the dumbest thing possible.
Hey, let me watch this hot woman take care of my offspring while the girl that actually made the offspring off doing whatever the fuck she wants to.
You don't think you're going to biologically want to fuck this girl?
Yeah, but you could also just not, though.
You could.
You could not.
You could not.
And you should not.
But it's arrogant of the wife to be like, no, nothing's going to happen.
Yo, these wives, huh?
Trust you.
I'm not saying it's okay what he did.
But that'll make her not arrogant.
Fuck them.
Damn, right.
Yo, if I got sounds of ass honeymoon.
You remember what you said?
How many places do we need to go in Italy?
All of them?
Remember when you said about having a male bodyguard for your wife?
What?
You said I'm never going to have no male bodyguard for my wife.
Just some other dude protecting her?
Well, sometimes I like to be robbing my wife when she don't know me.
Like, she'll walk the dog and I'll come chase after her.
I'll be like, give me that shit.
And then she's just like, give me my shit.
I got to see how she reacts in that moment.
You know what I mean?
That's a repo, dog.
That's not a robbery.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
You're right.
She's getting a little outlandish.
I got to return some shit.
I bought her some nice, buy her some nice Chanel.
That goes back.
Yo, that's a good business.
Rob your wife.
Oh, you should start that.
Buy your wife some shit.
Okay, talk about it.
That's super expensive.
Dude pulls up, robs her.
You don't have to do a scary.
You don't see it.
Not even scary.
If you just dude, pulls up, robs her.
Well, how do you do it less scary?
Like, she could leave it at the park and then it's like, oh, yeah, maybe I left it.
Or like, she's gonna leave it at the park, right?
Yeah.
Like, you, like, I think you do it more like coincidence with it.
Like a pickpocket as opposed to an armed robbery.
Like, you don't have to do the scheme.
You just pulls up.
Yo, give me your fucking money.
And she's like, no, don't.
And then he punches her one time and then he takes a bag.
It's like, you don't gotta do all that for me.
Can I be honest with you?
No, please don't.
Be honest.
Be honest.
I like when you're doing all this.
Mark is onto something, bro.
Because if she gets violently robbed, she don't have to feel bad about it.
But if she leaves it at the park or at a restaurant, not only do I have to not pay for it, I don't even have to pay for this shit.
Pickpocket vs Robbery00:13:54
I get to be upset at hers.
And also, they're fucking brilliant.
Oh, you want to talk about robbery?
Yeah, we can do that.
We didn't rob, bro.
We moved culture.
We got civilization.
Yeah, we civilized.
Yeah, we gave them clothing and shoes.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
And Ricochet's.
Yeah, they got Rick in the name, dude.
Yeah, it's extremely white.
The kid is Rick Shaws our shit.
It has to be.
Did you have wheels?
Did they have meals?
Did they have wheels?
They had wheels?
We invented the wheel.
You did not invent the wheel, dude.
God damn, fuck you.
You idiots.
Oh, no, be on him.
You ain't even know that.
You don't know that shit.
Brace, what's up?
Nah, dude.
Mahanjo Daro.
Mahanjo Daro.
What is this?
Yo, you gotta step into it.
Okay, around 1880, Rick Shaws appeared in India.
First introduced by Simla in Simla.
Oh, fuck.
Reverend Jay Farside.
Forty.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Fort Shaw.
What are you talking about?
Forty.
Fort Shaw.
Son, it's hard to read in this new studio, bro.
It's hard to read in this new studio.
I just left out a whole word.
I'm not used to reading English all the time.
You know what I mean?
Where we are in the world.
All right, but can you go and see who invented the wheel?
See who invented the wheel.
Google search for that.
Ain't no way in the world.
Yeah, that was in Mesopotamia.
That's the Middle East.
It's Middle East, bro.
Go spend more of Andrew's money.
Africa.
Africa.
Nah.
Yeah, who invented the wheel?
Well, that's fine because I'm there.
The Sumerians, bro.
Come on, dogs.
What does Sumeria even mean?
Modern-day Mesopotamia.
No, Iraq.
Iraq.
Yeah.
Iraq.
Sumer.
Is this you?
What is it?
That's me, bro.
So we out here, dude.
This is technology.
Come on.
Okay.
What did Sumerians look like?
You know what I'm talking about?
What did Sumerians look like?
You know, it's a free win.
I'm on the TV.
Go, go, go, go to that one.
Go, go, go.
Before the flood, before the flood.
Go.
Dove.
They all look like me.
They look like Louis C. Kang.
How do you?
Yeah, there's no way.
Yeah, that's who invented the wheel.
These guys.
Okay, good.
So we invented the wheel.
How's that you?
Okay, hold on.
Lube is trying to send me something.
Duff, can you read what Lube is showing you?
Bro, bro.
I don't like Love.
Trip Knight.
No, no, I like it.
Lube is way better.
Trip Knight is cool.
A nickname shouldn't be cool.
A wheeled vehicle, but not the wheel.
A wheeled vehicle.
You guys had a vehicle.
Yeah.
It's a rickshaw.
It's a wheeled vehicle.
No, that's 1880s.
Still one.
Jackass.
That was the 1880s by Darion R. You didn't even know.
Shut up.
Sorry.
I don't gotta know.
We don't know.
I don't gotta know.
We know.
It's almost not knowing when you're only black hopping.
It's almost like that.
Who's the biggest sellout?
Okay, I'm down for this.
I'm down for this.
There is something else that Okash's people invented.
What is that?
Your mom's tits?
Doesn't even make sense.
Doesn't even make sense.
It doesn't even make sense.
No, no, we woke up and killed me.
I don't even make sense.
Why is that even funny?
Lowbrow.
Duff, isn't it?
That's the car.
He's back in the car.
It doesn't even make sense.
That's not even a joke.
It's a premise.
What are you talking about?
But you're right.
It doesn't make any sense.
There you go.
You can hit it.
Let's go.
Funniest thing I've ever heard a comic saying, what are you getting roasted?
It doesn't even make room.
It's illogical.
It's illogical.
It's like Body Turkey.
Look at that shoe right there.
Look at Follow wants to ride that thing.
Up on that thing.
It doesn't need water for two days.
Okay.
Guys.
Guys.
Okash's people invented something important.
What is it?
They claim that Monkey Pox has been founded at Gay Rave in England, and now it's spread across the world.
That doesn't even make sense.
Yeah, it does.
Gay people started Monkey Pox.
Oh, you gay people the word rape wrong.
I'm going to take it.
I was waiting for it.
I was waiting for you to Google rape.
No, no, no.
So apparently, monkeypox is spread around.
Okay.
So my gay people, not my brown people.
No, no, no.
Yeah, your gay people started.
Got it.
Noted.
That's what they're suggesting.
Yep.
And that's like now in Miami, and people are suggesting that it might be time for a little lockdown.
Yeah, this shit is interesting.
This is going to be.
This is just more that COVID fucking fear shit.
I think only like 90 people got it.
You know what, though?
I think this will be more effective.
I think more people will get this vaccine than COVID because it fucks up the way you look.
And nobody wants to.
You're walking around as a leper.
Like, almost literally.
So I think with this, you're going to be like, no, I'm going to get the vaccine.
I'll get this vaccine.
I saw Jordan Peterson tearing apart some girl who had it.
You didn't see it?
You didn't see him ripping his pocked hand, bitch?
I'll never find these monkey hands sexy ever again.
You didn't see Jordan Peterson making fun of the monkeypox, girl?
You didn't see that?
I don't think I was going to do that.
Go hang out at your gay raves and destroy the nuclear family, you pock-handed bitch.
He was more like, go hang out at the mood.
Go hang out at the monkeypox festival.
I'm sure you're in monkey AIDS.
Well, this is the go-go.
I think you're thinking about it.
My question is: does this shut down the world the way COVID did?
No, I don't think it does, but I do think it's very interesting how they're just doing the same like AIDS treatment.
Yeah.
Like when AIDS came around, it was like, oh, this is just a gay thing.
It's just happening to gay people.
It's because they have all this crazy sex, and that's why they're getting AIDS.
And a new virus comes around, and immediately they're like, them gays is added together.
Like, they're not even thinking that what they're saying could be insensitive.
I think they're like, we gave you a break with COVID.
We didn't blame you for that.
We blame China.
So how about this?
Yeah, didn't they call AIDS like monkey virus or something?
Like, didn't they call it?
No, it's called gay grid or something.
Gay-related immunodeficiency or something like that.
But what didn't they say that it came because like someone had sex with a monkey?
That was like the middle.
No, they tried to say it's a Chappelle joke.
Yeah, that's like the myth around it.
And now this one's literally called monkeypox.
That's your point?
I'm just trying to say, don't you think this will be looked at as insensitive in the future?
Well, I guess it depends.
And have the British ever done something that, like, in retrospect, they go, like, oh, man, maybe we shouldn't have done that.
Like, no.
Is there any historical precedent for that with the British at all?
I don't think so.
Never happened.
Brown people laugh loud in the background.
I got a guy who just got PTSD, actually.
And you just blocked it out entirely.
I just thought about it for a second.
I was like, fuck.
Well, I don't know.
What do you guys think?
I think this is the same bullshit.
They're like, we need something to be afraid of now.
Nobody's afraid of this.
I thought about that, and it could be, but I do think this will be more effective.
And they're trying to say, like, the things I read are like, yo, this isn't that contagious.
Don't worry.
They're a little worried because it's happening more often.
Maybe it's mutating or something.
But I do think you don't want to walk around with them fucking legions.
So you're, I think people are going to take it much more seriously.
And I read something you get from like contaminated sheets.
You travel, you stay at hotels.
Horny, you got to be to fuck somebody with all them lesions on their body, though.
Oh, that's right, because it's got to exist for you to do it.
God damn.
Yeah, that's a little low.
No, but if you get, they say contaminated sheets.
So if a hotel doesn't clean their sheets properly, somebody slept that had that shit.
You're, you know?
I think this is nothing.
Like, in the way that, like, there's new viruses that pop up every three months that, like, the who is watching, and they go, oh, yeah, there's X amount of cases here, X amount of cases here.
And now that we're just in pandemic, like, panic mode, these are just going to pop up for the next few months until eventually it's just nothing.
I think, yeah, there used to be nothing.
Bird flu, pig flu, we don't care.
When the circle tips are going to come out so we can go that one.
I want to know that one, bro.
Do you think there's any monkeys with like firm tits?
Because most times you're not seeing monkeys.
They're kind of flabby, right?
Could you do a boob?
Boob job on like a chicken.
I think Marky goes.
He goes, I'm trapped.
No, but for real, like, are there any like... Gorilla tits.
No, but the high set ones.
You could do a boob job on like an orangutan, perhaps.
Yeah, they did that.
I think Chloe Kardashian.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Did she not get it or something?
Oh, my God.
I don't know exactly what happened.
Oh, my God.
Something definitely happened.
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
That's funny.
What?
Guys, listen, let's be.
Can we be serious?
We're in a new studio.
We have to up the level of the show.
Finally, I got my speech back.
That was a little hard.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Here's a Kardashian question for Jordan Peterson.
Isn't that less healthy for girl self-esteem than any imperfection you think you have?
You just surgically take care of it, as opposed to a girl who's just a little bit bigger.
She's not like morbidly obese.
I can see if you said it about a girl 50 pounds heavier than her.
But she's just big and she's cool with it.
Isn't that healthier for girl self-esteem than, hey, anything that's wrong with me, let's just carve up my face, let's carve up my body, do whatever we got to do.
Yeah, she's probably below the Kardashians.
She's probably below the American average.
This girl.
I don't know about all that.
What do you think the average American weighs?
150?
Let's find out.
Average American woman.
Yeah, because there's women, too.
I'm talking.
You sexist buzz up?
Look that up, monkey tits.
Come on, guys.
Y'all are crazy.
Who's going to edit the audio?
166.
Say what?
166.
Yeah, that far off.
Exactly.
Ain't it summer now?
Girls always lose a little weight in summer, you know?
Oh, fuck.
Wait, so 166 is the average of women?
Yes.
Women.
Men, it's like 200.
Men is 196.
Men, we're some big boys.
Wouldn't you rather be the fattest country than the skinniest?
Yeah, absolutely.
Fuck yeah.
But wouldn't you rather be the middlest than either?
Yeah.
Pretty good.
Especially after COVID.
Say again?
Especially after a pandemic?
Yeah, after a pandemic.
Actually, that's an interesting one.
Should Sports Illustrated, or is Sports Illustrated by rewarding a girl who is overweight, are they being insensitive to like COVID concerns?
Okay, that's interesting.
Yeah, real.
This reminds me of a point Uyada brought up, though.
Okay, go.
Which is about these like new media types always getting us like upset about things these legacy media things do.
Okay.
And it's like, with Jordan Peterson, Uyeda was like, Jordan Peterson has a bigger reach than Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.
So you can espouse what you believe and it will have, it will impact more people than Sports Illustrated.
We do this thing all the time and we get upset about what legacy media does.
And it's like, yeah, but we have more influence in them.
Why do we care?
Or pass one.
So if you don't want people to say it, don't talk about it.
Yeah, how many just made it?
You purchased that additional Sports Illustrated thing before.
Alan and I might have passed it.
If I was 28, 29, maybe losing a few pages together in the woods.
Nah, that girl right there put an apple in her mouth, bury her up for her, dude.
I mean, nice little.
That's a hula right there.
What you think?
That's a hula?
Hey, we're trying.
We're shooting, all right?
That's a hula TV.
Hula right there.
He's so confident.
Oh, my God, dude.
But objectively beautiful.
That's why I don't think big jokes about a girl who knows she's big are a problem.
She's acknowledging she's big.
She's confident.
She's calling herself a big, what do they call it?
Big, beautiful woman.
Plus-size model.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, us also saying you're plus-side, that's not offensive.
We're saying you're beautiful.
You're fine.
You have to say plus-size jokes.
I just did.
Plus-size joke.
Okay.
You can't do fat jokes, though.
She probably doesn't identify as fat, you know?
Well, what is plus?
It's like, you know, CNN plus.
It's just a little extra.
Oh, is LGBTQ plus is plus gay?
Is it?
I honestly don't know.
Is that what the plus is?
Yeah, that is actually.
So they get to be gay because they're fat?
Yes.
Or trans.
What?
Or questioning what they're going to eat next?
I identify as hungry.
Dude, that's not really what plus is.
No, I think plus is just, they're like, yo, there's a lot more shit we're adding.
We don't even know really what it could be.
Bet.
It's an umbrella.
All-inclusive.
Yeah.
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Dave Chappelle Flex00:14:49
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Gotcha.
Okay.
Speaking of which, the guy that attacked Chappelle apparently said that he was bisexual.
And that was the reason that he attacked him is that he was frustrated by the LGBTQ plus jokes that he was saying.
Hate crime.
Wait, which way?
Towards Chappelle.
Wait, why?
Why?
Hates him for his views.
Not what hate crime is.
Now I would hate crime.
Hates him for his views.
By definition, that would hate crime.
It could be OJ killed Nicole because he hated her.
Hate crime.
Hate crime.
Crime of passion.
Not a hate crime.
Hate crime.
Okay, that could be a crime of passion.
What about that fucking Jewish guy that he killed that was fucking her?
He didn't have any reason to hate him.
He didn't have to pass him.
Why do you bring him up being Jewish?
I didn't know he was Jewish.
I'm trying to inform Al.
I can't help Al be a little cultured about past events.
Al knew that.
You didn't think that was going around the community?
I just thought he was the pool boy.
That's why we don't like to swim.
Oh, really?
Don't feel like fucking wake up.
I asked.
No, I need to.
I see Al in that pool with four floaties on.
Hate crime, bro.
But he didn't do it because he was black or any other minority status about him.
He just did it because he was annoyed at his jokes.
That's a hate crime.
Chappelle identifies as a comedian, and he was attacking him because he's a comedian.
Now, okay, now we're getting somewhere.
Now we're getting somewhere.
So if you tack someone because you don't like the jokes.
One of the plus sign labels is comedian.
Oh, comedian.
Yeah.
That's a hate crime.
He should go to jail.
Oh, he's already going to jail.
Did you hear the joke that Chappelle made?
When?
That was funny.
Yeah.
On Milani's show, there was like the whole, oh, I don't know.
This is kind of attached to it.
So Chappelle went up and opened for Milani.
Milani was doing a show in Ohio.
And The joke he said, he goes, He goes, The guy who attacked me had a knife, but it identified as a gun.
Oh, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Or something like that.
So, I think that was the big tram joke that everybody's all upset about.
People are tweeting about it, they're like absolutely furious.
And my question is: Do you think Mulaney is at all embarrassed of his audience?
Because I'm sure Mulaney is a comic admirer, Chappelle, and then he brings Chappelle on to his show to open, and then people in the audience start attacking Chappelle.
From a comedian's point of view, if Dave Chappelle can open for you, that's the biggest flex in the fucking world to say Chappelle opened for me.
Yeah, you don't, it's like he doesn't say no to it.
Yeah, I mean, how often is Chappelle open for anybody?
Like, he'll pop into shows, yeah, but he's not specifically going, I'm gonna open for this guy.
Yeah, that's legend shit.
I just wonder, it's like, oh, fuck, have I curated an audience that doesn't love the type of comedy?
I think everyone is ashamed of some percentage of their audience at specific times.
You know what I mean?
So, like, I don't know.
Because there's just stupid people.
Yeah, exactly.
The bigger you get, the more people you get.
There's just going to be some stupid people.
And I don't know.
So I can't imagine Mulaney sitting there being like, oh, all my fans hate Dave.
It's like, oh, yeah, there's a small vocal minority.
And those, that vocal minority is embarrassing me in this moment.
That shitty person or those few shitty people in your audience don't represent your whole audience.
Yeah, exactly.
And the worst people in your audience, you probably don't appreciate or you might be embarrassed of.
Yeah.
But they don't define the collector.
And you also recognize, oh, some of these people aren't comedy fans.
They're me fans.
And they go to a comedy show and they get exposed to the greatest comedy ever, Dave Schapelle, whoever else.
And if they don't fuck with it, it's like, yeah, they're not.
This is not what they're fans of.
And if they're being vocal and trash with someone that I fuck with, then maybe Mulane can draw a line in the sand, like, yo, if you don't fuck with Dave, then you're not my fan.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I like how he didn't come out like fucking Ratatouille.
You go, oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm friends with the funniest guy ever.
How could I do this?
Take a picture over my shoulder as I write this note.
Do I look like I'm in thought while I'm writing my apology to my fans?
What a fucking loser that guy is, dude.
Ratatouille was good, though.
It was good.
Yeah, you like Remy.
You love Remy.
Nah, that was fire.
I don't lie.
And I probably would have loved it even more if I didn't know that he wasn't there.
Okay.
Or whatever I tried to say.
You know what I'm saying?
I would have loved that shit if he wasn't in it.
If he wasn't in it, or I didn't know that he was the guy who plays Ratatouille.
Love that.
You should have been in Ratatouille, bro.
I was in Rakunui.
That movie was fire.
It was incredible.
That movie is amazing.
Everything everywhere all at once.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you see it?
Remember Rakanui?
I haven't seen it yet.
Rakanatoui?
No.
The raccoon?
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I'll fell asleep.
Yeah, you didn't.
A lot of people are on TV.
It's like, subtitles, I'm not watching this shit.
100% that's what happened.
Okay.
Can we talk about Elon's meat and how bad I want to see it?
I love seeing famous guys' dicks, bro.
How many have you seen?
I saw Brett Favre's.
Did you really?
100%.
I saw it to a reporter.
Dead Spin got a hold of it.
You guys didn't tell me about this?
What do you mean, bro?
It's not that impressive.
Really?
It's not that impressive.
That's the saddest part of it all.
That's actually pretty cool.
Wait, what?
A better dick than Brett Favre?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Pretty awesome, right?
Was it all soft or was it full schmeet?
I don't know.
I doubt you're saying it.
I mean, also.
Bold-ass dudes will do that, though.
Like, they'll send soft dicks.
100%.
They don't know.
You think I accidentally don't know how to work the iMessage?
Yeah.
Or they just don't understand what exactly is going on.
But yeah, I saw that.
I saw his meat.
Who else did I see?
Greg Odin had the fucking stupid hog.
Yeah, Hammer, bro.
Pretty tall.
Actually, it's one of those.
We attached them.
You're not even in the combo.
We're just like sitting off to the side.
You're like, dude, Jesse Williams got a huge dick and hit it from the back of Google's, bro.
He's hard.
I know a hard dick, Massey.
Like, I'm saying, I got Jesse Williams.
I'm not hitting it.
A big old dark-skinned dick.
Ain't no fucking way, Al.
Al, when you saw that thing on Salt, that was crazy.
We would have known about that.
Nah, it's Regs.
Oh, wait.
That's my chase.
That's not the first thing.
We motherfuckers can't just be honest about that.
When a bunch of dudes see a huge dick and then you gotta wait to see who acknowledges size first, my dumb ass, like, that's just huge.
You're like, oh, oh, yeah.
I get it, maybe.
For some deal, man, y'all some tuck up, tuck up niggas.
Like, we don't do that out here.
Yeah, he's still on this.
Me and Miles.
God, wait, what do you mean?
Oh, yeah, Miles.
Sounds sentence took so long to say, right?
Yo, it's a new studio.
We're figuring it out.
Yeah, jet light.
Jet light.
A little tricky.
Yeah, jet light.
Jet lag.
Jet lud.
Okay, um, where's my camera?
He's he's suggesting that if you tuck your dick up and put it in your waistband, that means you have a smaller dick than the type of guys that have their dick in their pant leg.
Yes.
That could be true for me.
There we go.
No, don't do this to me.
That could be true for us.
Exactly.
How do you have missionary sex if your dick won't come up like this?
It's not.
Missionary sex on top of each other, so it needs to come up.
Boom.
It's not that it doesn't come up.
It's just when we're hard, it hangs straight.
Nothing.
It don't go up.
That's weird.
You don't have enough blood left.
It's a weak heart.
It's a weak heart as well.
Me and Bob's heavy.
Could you hang a weight from your penis?
Yeah.
How?
What type of weight?
I got a strong dick.
You see these heads?
It goes outside.
You see these heads.
Just admit you got a little dick.
That's what it is.
How do you have no ass big dick?
That don't even make sense.
It went all to my legs.
There's no way.
Al.
That's why I got tiny legs.
It went all to my dick.
So you're saying you're all dick.
All dick.
Let's say, for example, you had like two lattes in your hands.
Hard dick.
You trip and fall.
Would you just let your dick catch you so you could hold on to the latte?
Or you drop a lot.
The dick's going to slurp all that up.
There's nothing hitting the ground, son.
It just does crazy.
That wasn't even part of the hyperventure.
You invented that part of it.
Yes, and he improvised.
I do think Al's dick is probably big in comparison to his chopsticks.
I think in comparison to his tiny legs, his dick is actually probably proportionate.
How big is your dick in comparison to the tips of somebody who's like, bro?
I didn't say tits.
I didn't say that.
We're not saying it.
It's funnier if you don't say it.
It holds no weight to a monkey tip.
No weight, son.
All right.
So Arkash's parents.
No, he loves me, bro.
Oh, yeah.
You think it's real?
You think he actually is sexually harassed?
We're trying to drop the topic, bro.
We're talking about Elon's.
My kids with bangs.
What are you talking about?
Disrespectful.
Monkey ticks?
But we don't know who we're talking about.
Monkey tits is monkey tits.
Okay, fair enough.
Do you know what I mean?
It's Coco.
Remember that sign language ass, Big Titty?
What?
Sign language.
I'm so glad we both struggled today.
Sign language dissolved.
Remember sign language, Coco?
What did she say?
Oh, she was signing, dog.
I didn't know what she was saying.
I'm hungry.
Let me out.
Do you think Elon Musk actually flashes girls?
What do you mean?
Do you think he actually flashes her?
I'm open his back, yo.
I'm getting better.
I'm getting better.
You got it?
I'm good.
Okay, good.
Do I think, hold on, can you move your head out the way?
Do I think that Elon Musk?
Okay, so what is the accusation?
So the accusation isn't even coming from the woman.
It's from Business Insider.
Who don't talk about business that much?
When is the last article about business has come out of this place?
That's true.
It's business, adjacent.
Why is it business?
Because it's.
What if we call it business inside her?
How's it?
She went, Mark.
Why'd you say that?
Why'd you say that one?
So basically, we're just big laugh.
So this girl is basically, she didn't even come out and say it.
It's like her anonymous friend, Anonymous, who is leaking the story that said that Elon Musk exposed himself to her and like propositioned her for sex, allegedly.
And then they settled.
He asked for an erotic massage.
She was a SpaceX.
She was hired to be a SpaceX stewardess.
And then I guess they asked her to be a masseuse while on the flight.
SpaceX masseuse.
A SpaceX masseuse.
And this is their corporate jets that they use to fly around to all their destinations.
And you love stewardesses.
Big fan.
Yeah.
That's one of your favorite people.
Big fan.
I'm so glad y'all explained that.
I thought it was like, they getting massages on their way to space?
Masseus on the shit.
We'll be better, actually.
But yeah, so basically, they're like, what's up with the massage?
What's up with the massage?
And then how come she basically got like a severance, like a severance?
The friend also said when she walked in when Elon was, she was going to give Elon a massage, he was hard and exposed himself to her.
And that's when she was like, that's the rapey thing about it.
And then her hours got cut.
And then she...
That's why she sued.
Yeah.
Because they weren't hiring her anymore, basically.
And she was like, yo, I need some bread.
And she felt like she wasn't getting hired because she said no to Elon Rights.
She got $250,000.
Yeah.
So should she lose the money?
Are NDAs done?
Like, what's the deal?
Well, also, is it illegal to tell your friends on?
Also, if it's part of the NDA, apparently, in California, if it's harassment or like, I guess, rape, there's no NDA.
NDAs don't apply.
Which makes sense.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Where are they flying?
Because I did research for the story.
You came prepared, haters.
Did you hear my monologue at the beginning?
Prepared, dog.
Elon Musk Lawsuit00:04:54
In all seriousness, though, do we think it's bullshit?
Everything I think comes out of Business Inside is bullshit.
Yeah, he had two good points.
Okay, go.
He said one that was like, look, if I've been a CEO or whatever for 30 years, and this is the first time you've ever heard about me having sexual misconduct, that should count for something.
That was the one that stuck with me.
The other one was just there's way more to this story.
You haven't heard it yet.
And that was like, all right, I guess I'm willing to listen.
But the thing where he's like, this is the only thing that's going to be a little part where you won't Tesla suck.
Remember that?
That's the third part of the story.
No, but here's the thing that's that's kind of weird to me that undercuts a lot of that is he finds out the story is coming out and then he puts out the tweet that says I'm gonna vote Republican.
I've always voted Democrat.
Now I'm voting Republican.
Watch, I bet they start a smear campaign.
That's because he was told the story was coming out and then he tweets.
And then the next day the story drops.
I thought that that tweet could have been a little manipulative.
For sure manipulative.
And I think it's not just this story.
There's other stories.
One dropped by the post today.
I forget what it was.
But I think there's a bunch of like critical stories coming out about Elon.
And I don't know if this is because they all want to take him down.
I just think he's like the new Trump replacement figure now.
And like it was Rogan for a minute.
And maybe they're moving on to Elon, whatever's going to get the most clicks, whatever's going to get the most views.
So it maybe part of it is this organized attack, but there's also part of the people that are just grifting off of it.
Yeah.
Right.
And you don't know exactly which direction it's coming from and who's doing it for what reason, but it feels like an organized attack because overnight, all of a sudden, you are the topic of discussion on every single fucking channel.
CNN's going to cover his ass.
You know, it is Neutron.
It is new rubber.
But it was fishy the timing.
And then he had another tweet that was like, oh, they're doing all this just because I tweeted that I'm voting Republican.
Yeah.
So that's now it was actually a brilliant way of handling it because it's like any negative story that comes out, we just get to go, oh, this is the campaign against Elon.
In reality, he knows there might be a few things out there.
Yeah, and I think Tesla and SpaceX have been sued for sexual harassment, which and a toxic work culture, which doesn't mean he did anything, but I don't know.
It just seems like it seemed a little fish.
I would believe it more if he didn't tweet that.
Sexual harassment is fucked up, but toxic work environment, it's like, I don't want my astronauts taking casual Fridays or whatever.
That's fair.
Like, scientists got to be worked to the bone.
That's fair.
Like, why?
Because they got to be scienceing.
You're saving the world.
Yeah.
I mean, not according to you.
Remember when Marie saved the world, actually.
Fucking Marie Curry.
Remember, didn't she get polio from being around a radiation?
The monkey pox.
Yeah, monkey box.
Do I have monkeypox?
Yeah, both of you guys.
Yeah.
No, but like, remember when that dude went blind trying to figure out the sun?
What?
One of them scientists back in the day was trying to figure out the sun.
I believe him.
He's going to be looking at the sun through, what is it called?
Telescope.
Kaleidoscope.
Yeah.
A telescope.
And he would look at it for a second and he could see like sunspots and little things on the sun.
And he went blind.
He's staring straight into the sun with a fucking magnifying glass, stupid idiot.
And that's real science.
But he figured out the sun.
Yeah.
It's there.
Don't question that.
It's hot.
And don't look at it.
That's science.
Okay.
Who was the person who developed the vaccine for polio?
Jonah Salk.
Jonas Salk.
What did Jonas Salk die from?
I don't think polio.
Are you kidding?
I don't think.
Got the Ralph Lorenzian, bro.
Did he really?
Yes, dude.
Oh, that's polo.
What?
I mean, lost on him.
Look at it.
Look at it.
Look at it here.
Congestive heart failure.
What are we talking about, bro?
No, no, no, no, it wasn't Jonah Salk.
What did Marie Curry die from?
He got it, right?
Yeah.
She got what?
Radiation poison.
Because being around radiation.
Thank you.
Don't say that sounds good.
Chernobyl, what'd they get?
Who's to say?
Chernobyl.
They did.
They got Chernobyl.
Scientists need to die from the thing that they're researching.
Honestly, it is probably the only way to be great.
That's the highest standard.
If this shit don't kill you, what did you do?
What if you were like a fertility scientist?
Didn't we talk about this on the pod once?
It's like, if you really want to cure a disease, give it to all the scientists.
Yeah.
Give every scientist some AIDS, bro.
Well, not every, because just in case they don't figure it out in time, we're real fucking.
We're going to make some new ones.
Once you get a doctorate, you get a disease that you got to solve.
A random disease.
Random disease.
The second they hand you, you tassel AIDS.
But then you're only fixing.
You're only fixing diseases then.
Say again?
You're only fixing diseases.
What else is we doing?
What else is that?
Lip injections.
You know what I mean?
That's fine.
That's a disease.
Yeah.
Having no lips.
Andrew would know.
Andrew would know.
Sahe now.
Nugget my new angle.
Yeah, going.
Yeah, old song.
Your lips got smaller, though.
Your injections running out, son.
Give me a good light.
Give me a good look.
It's distressed.
Give me my sex light.
Give my red sex lips like.
Lip Injection Disease00:04:54
Home.
Get that.
Your lips got smaller.
Smaller.
From the profile, I'm seeing it, right?
Look at that.
Look at the profile.
Yeah, those who proceed.
Oh, god, damn, dude.
Go back to the regular light.
You motherfuckers hate.
You guys know.
Poor dub.
Literally black on half of your face because of your nose.
It's unbelievable.
Dark side of the moon.
Warren Trump.
I mean, it's crazy, dude.
Isn't that crazy?
It really is.
Shifty's gone.
Where's Shifty?
Joining a militia in fucking Michigan?
I'm just funny.
Listen.
Yo, how did he get out of here, though?
Say what?
How did Shifty get out?
I think he might just be sitting right there.
No, he went through the tunnel.
What's the camera pointing at now?
Nothing at all.
Nothing.
This son of a bitch.
Yo, Bob, do something.
Come on, Bob.
He charges by the hour.
Want to know what Bob makes an hour?
Actually, no.
No.
Don't know numbers.
Okay.
Mark, so what do we think this is?
What do we think this is?
At the end of the day, you think it's bullshit?
I do.
I forgot what we're talking about, but I do.
Elon Musk.
Elon Musk.
I think there might be something to it just because the way he got in front of it.
It seemed like he's covering for something.
Made me a little suspicious.
He seems like a wild boy.
Yo, here's the crazy question.
And this is, I mean this sincerely.
Is Elon smart enough, effective enough, and important enough where the public would look the other way about this?
Some of the public, but like he's powerful enough that he can still operate in his world.
And there's nothing you can really do.
True.
You never not buy a Tesla.
Well, some people might.
Some might, but I think a lot will actually.
Who do you think is digging this up?
Now let's get it.
Let's get into the complete.
But people that buy Subaru's aren't going to buy a Tesla officer.
Hold up.
What is coming out this year?
Electric vehicle from.
Oh, Miles.
That was risky because if you fucked it up, we would have fired your ass.
But you didn't fuck it up.
That was fire.
But now you get intimate.
Conspiracy theory.
All these other car companies are coming out with their electric vehicles.
GM.
GM.
Mercedes coming out with electric luxury.
A few others have had some successful ones.
I think Hyundai came out with the EV or something like that.
The electric vehicle market is about to be competitive.
Not the autonomous driving.
Obviously, Tesla has so much more data and all that other shit, but just electric vehicle, right?
We've seen movies.
There's been tons of conversations about the automotive wars in the past.
Would you put it by a Mercedes, a GM, any of these other companies to start slandering Musk so people go, I don't want to drive the car of that guy who's like assaulting women.
Better yet.
Who was Musk adjusting a beef with?
Ooh, who is that?
Another billionaire.
Bezos?
Who's that?
Jeff Bezos.
And does he own a company, a car company?
He owns Blue Origin.
Space travel.
Not only is he competing.
What car company did you think of?
He was going somewhere with this.
I was throwing out.
I was like, oh, Mercedes.
Is he a big investor?
The trucks, though?
Because Alan's going to have the trucks.
Bezos?
Trucks?
The trucks are going to be shipping all the packages.
And space travel.
So Bezos better be good friends.
No, but he'd be feeding into Elon.
If you can get GM.
Get off this shot.
Thank you.
But they have beef.
Okay.
So not only does he have beef on the Blue Origin shit, but they're dick swinging about being the richest man in the world.
Who's got money and leverage to try to push a little story, you know?
Go be old Jeff.
Oh, but this has nothing to do with the car thing that I just brought up.
So like I said something to you and then like you took in the information and then you were like, hey, that was too stupid to even respond.
And I'll say something else.
You know what I was thinking.
Okay, that's quite interesting.
That's quite what a piece of fucking garbage that is.
That's why he tried to tie it to the cars.
Yeah, I was like, what's called Jeff Bezos own, bro?
Yeah.
But I think the car thing may be, but I'm also like, who's the other billionaire that's got a beef with him?
They were like talking back and forth on Twitter, like, oh, don't fall.
Yeah, yeah, I remember.
The beauty of being, there's probably like a name for this, but like when you're essentially like a superstar CEO, what is that?
Like when the CEO of your company is also famous and synonymous with the company, celebrity CEO, no?
Celebrity CEO, something like that.
So the beauty of being a celebrity CEO is you can use that celebrity to build a company.
The shitty part.
Seinfeld Representation00:04:04
Bad publicity can take the company down.
And there's only one kind of bad publicity that can do that, and it's this.
Miramax.
Yeah.
Same exact thing.
Miramax is Weinstein, right?
Yeah, exactly.
And I don't know necessarily what their numbers are, but like the company, in my opinion, just for me personally, has like its stock has gone down.
If I were to see a Miramax film, I'm like, oh, it's Weinstein.
Yeah.
Who's the dude?
Who's uncomfortable?
Yeah.
Who's a dude who's buying Virgin Airlines?
Richard Brown.
Did he have any scandals or anything like that?
Because I don't think publicly.
He hasn't had any public ones, but that's a wild boy.
Yeah.
But you just, you think about it.
You hear someone has like a sexual assault thing, and all of a sudden you're in a fucking Tesla getting a back massage.
You're like, it doesn't feel as good.
No, honestly, honestly, on that, I saw like Travis Scott was at a concert or something.
It wasn't a concert, it was like a live DJ event.
And he was like, you know, when they give the mic to somebody while somebody's DJing, it wasn't like his live show, but he was like hyping the crowd up, and it kind of felt uncomfortable.
Yeah.
Because the more he's telling people to go wild, the more you're thinking, oh shit, the last time people went wild, things didn't go that well.
It's hard to separate him from this thing.
From that tragedy, especially when his behavior and his like performance art is go insane, go dumb, go insane.
And Michael Richards, same thing.
Oh, yeah.
His whole persona is like wacky, crazy neighbor.
And then all of a sudden he's like saying the N-word all the time.
It's like, this is.
Now, every time you're whacking crazy, we're like, is it going to go down?
That's how great Seinfeld is that Al still likes it.
Ain't that fucking crazy?
No, no, I don't fuck with Kramer.
You don't know, but you like the show.
No, you never had a neighbor.
You didn't ran a neighbor.
That's how great Seinfeld is.
And you still watch the show.
Yeah.
And you forget.
You had to be reminded of him.
Kramer might have been a better character if he was more racist.
I think that's what the show is.
Every time he walked in the door, he just dropped the M-bomb.
That's my point.
Imagine that.
Now we got a show.
Dude, that's hard.
You're doing well, Seinfeld and Martin.
That actually is a knock-on Seinfeld that people bring up.
There were like three black people on the show in the history of the show.
Who were they?
I don't know.
One of the girls he dated.
Okay.
Was black.
And that was like stick there, right?
She was like half black.
There was one where Elaine dated a guy.
They didn't know if he was white or black or whatever.
Gotcha.
And was the same thing with the girl?
Like, did they make a bigger girl's black?
So there's only three in the whole history.
I don't know.
I mean, it's a small one.
To be fair, Upper East or West Side Jews in New York do not have a lot of diversity in their group.
Oh.
That sucks.
Yeah.
Like, I think that was a pretty authentic representation of the Upper East side of the world.
Also, in the 90s, it was just kind of like segregated in that way.
Like, Will Smith, Fresh Prince is all black people.
Martin's all black people.
Then there were friends that was all white people.
It wasn't all black people.
He went to the white school.
Yeah, I guess so.
But you always said the white person is that thing.
Kellogg Weaverbomb, whatever the flu.
Like, none of them are bringing home white girls, taking them on dates.
Unless it's like a shtick, like you're saying.
I don't even know that Will ever had a white girlfriend on this shit.
Never hooked up.
I think I remember an episode where he danced with one white girl, but that's it.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
It just TV was that.
That was like, that's what the 90s was on TV.
It was just like this one.
Hey, there's a black TV show and there's a white TV show.
Yeah.
Living single.
Friends.
They just made counterparts.
I mean, it just wouldn't be as believable if he had this culturally diverse group of friends in Seinfeld, but they were also being extremely Jewish about everything.
Yeah.
Like the show is, hey, this is how Upper East Side, Upper West Side Jews operate.
Yeah, that's true.
And the rest of the world saw it and they were like, holy shit, this is hilarious.
Jews saw it and they were like, yeah, this is Jews.
Right?
Like, you didn't see anything like shocking about it, right?
No.
It's like Italians watching Sopranos.
They're like, yeah, this is authentic.
Right, right.
And then everybody else saw it and they're like, what?
What's going on?
What they really talk like this?
Yeah.
You know, they're really going into restaurants and, you know, slapping people and not paying for meals.
Yeah.
So all good.
No?
Seinfeld, all good.
Not paying for meal partners.
I mean, didn't Tony didn't pay for anything the whole time?
Did he bankrupt that guy's restaurant?
As long as I had a gambling addiction and he like fed into it and took his whole business.
It was fucking son of a bitch.
Bowling Alley Etiquette00:15:27
Okay.
Can I ask one more question?
One more question.
Then we got to wrap this up, dude.
We have things to do, you know, in our new life, wherever we are.
I think what this Elon story has told me between this and Deshaun Watson is there's a big white space in the market for erotic massage.
How is nobody exploiting this?
Son, you could charge Elon $249,000 for an erotic massage and he'd save $1,000.
It's a Robert Kraft out here in these fucking orchids of age.
Erotic isn't even six.
You could just be erotic about it.
It could just be, hey, yeah.
Yeah, whisper some stuff, just go up and down the leg.
Boom, erotic.
But I think they want you to beat Dick later.
I think they beat Dick.
Nah, that's a different phrase.
What's that word for one woman guys?
Because they're doing it right now.
They're doing that very close to gay stuff.
Erotic.
We're erotic guys, dude.
A lot of sexual lives.
How is an erotic massage gay?
No, he said, what's an erotic massage?
Whispering in the ear?
Yeah, conversation.
By definition, that's just erotic.
What if you accidentally, oh, I can't help it.
I'm massaging.
I accidentally stroke his dick.
What can I do?
Ain't no accidental.
Plausible deniability.
You know, accidentally, bro.
Plausible deniability.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, we're lying.
As a business idea.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is a brilliant business.
But I also want a menu of shit.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I want a menu of shit that, you know, I could get when I go in there, like, how you could jerk it off.
Yeah, but that's just, you just order off menu when you get the massage.
You just order off menu.
Yeah, it's always off menu.
But I want a menu off menu.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, I want to be able to say certain things that I like with pictures and shit.
No, you got to hit it with the tooey.
I want some saliva.
I don't want just straight lotion.
I want part of you then.
Massageable, you wouldn't be into that?
No.
God, God.
Give me the nectar.
Give me the nectar.
Like plus size or normal.
Yeah, I like all that.
Oh, I prefer a bigger hands.
Yeah, I prefer a bigger massus.
Turn your body to memory phone, maybe.
I like a.
Actually, I'm actually, no, I'm not built for massages.
I had a couple's massage the other day.
Okay.
My wife had a fucking dude doing a massage.
No, I told you.
It was crazy.
We walk in the room.
It's a dude.
And it's a chick.
You take the dude, bro.
Damn, I thought in that moment I wasn't in the dark.
Hold on.
What do you do?
What do you do?
I wasn't sure I was more insecure about.
Was I more insecure about being gay?
Or this black guy with Dreads massaging?
Okay?
Would you rather go or a comb?
Do one of those Instagram massages where they'd be like really rubbing emails.
And my wife was on point because she didn't make a single sound because you know the second she did, I'm up off that trip.
And dude was asking her too.
Dude was like, dude, is the pressure okay?
And she was like, yeah, it's fine.
I was like, yeah, it better be fine.
It's not going to be harder in front of me.
But yeah, Shorty was rubbing me up and I was feeling all types of pain, but I couldn't say short.
But why did you moan?
Because my shoulders mad tight.
You should have moaned.
Say again?
She does your shoulders.
No, Why?
No, no, no.
Take the dude, yo.
Say what?
In retrospect, I wish I did.
I wish I fucked him up.
I was like, over here, home.
Yeah, get over here, Wex.
Let's do it.
Get in here.
No, I don't know.
So now I got my face in this fucking donut and no conversation, nothing.
I'm just in my head.
In my head, it's already a bad place for me to be.
And now I'm in my head while some dude is massaging down my fucking wife.
And Shorty was taking liberties with me, bro.
She was all on the cakes.
Bro, does this happen to you?
Every time I get a massage from a girl, I'm like, oh, she's in this.
She's in.
They do it in case.
I'm thinking, oh, shit, is my man going full down on the cakes up on the thigh of my wife?
Yep, yep.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yep, yep.
Yeah.
He did that.
Here's a fun combo.
Here's a fun combo we can all get on.
You know, it's five versus five.
I do that, though.
Every time I get a massage from a girl, I'm always like, oh, she's.
She's filling.
Because I don't have strippers.
You know what I mean?
I don't have a stripper in my life to fall in love with.
But I'm serious, though.
Every time I get him a suit.
I need more.
The first weekend.
Remember when we did it?
No, I was balling, bro.
I was balling.
I almost got us kicked out.
Do you remember this?
Yo, Mark is so fucking funny, bro.
You really, he found the most disrespectful way to give strippers money without touching them.
I didn't know it was disrespectful to say that.
I said it was wild as ever.
I didn't realize you were doing it so you wouldn't touch them.
Like in the moment, I thought you were like, man, he's just trying to dog out these women so he thinks we're cool.
So we think he's cool.
But what he was doing is balling up money and then doing fadeaway shimmy jumpers and hitting the strippers.
He's throwing money and hitting them.
So I'm like, yo, this guy hates women, bro.
This is crazy.
Did you see when he wound it up like a baseball?
The knee went up and everything.
He chucked it at him.
I'm like, she didn't get any signs, bro.
She went like this.
He's like, wow.
That's a speedball.
But now I realize he was doing it so he didn't have to touch them.
That's what he said.
That's respect.
So it's actually, I respect women so much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I didn't realize what I was doing.
I'd never been to a strip club before.
So say what?
You just call fastball a speedball?
That's a speedball.
You never done that in baseball?
No.
Did you just fuck up your work?
Fastball.
Did you just fuck up your work?
Speedball, slam ball.
There's like a spaceball.
No, there's none of this.
Make fun of him.
Dumb idiot.
Make fun of him.
Talk to me about cricket or whatever.
No, but it was, I didn't realize it was disrespectful.
I've never been to a strip club before.
You didn't think it was disrespectful to throw money at a game.
This guy is cat.
They had a bucket.
I've never been to a strip club.
They had a bucket.
You've never seen a bucket just a bit.
You've never seen a rap video.
You've never seen a movie.
You've never seen somebody just go and putting money in a woman.
You're not listening to that type of music.
No, I would never do that.
No, I don't.
That sounded weird.
I don't listen to any type of music.
That type.
I don't.
It's objectifying women, okay?
That's crazy.
I would never know.
I would never.
Bro, they had a bucket.
And also, this is Nashville where they don't take their clothes off.
So it's more just like a Hooters.
Mark, you got eight sisters.
You're describing your house.
Okay.
No.
Do you think your sisters would like it if you had to go to the house?
They take their clothes off there.
Jesus.
He balls up total.
They break.
Get out of here.
Buy a tank, though.
Okay.
Okay, one more before we leave, boys.
Okay.
Parents in India are suing their child for not giving them a grandchild.
Do we want to guess Akash's response before he makes it?
Yes.
Okay.
Say it one more time.
Okay.
Parents in India are suing their child for not giving them a grandchild.
Okay.
How old is he?
I have no idea.
I mean, that's important.
31-year-old daughter-in-law and 35-year-old son.
Ooh.
Okay.
I have an idea.
Very obvious for my responsibility.
Okay, just go, Akash.
Fucking legends, yo.
Fucking legends.
Should you have a lawsuit?
Absolutely.
I've been trying to get my girl pregnant all the time, yo.
Really, are you guys trying now?
We're going to start trying soon, actually.
I didn't need Cadafin.
Half.
I didn't need Catherine.
Half.
That's just what he thinks sex is.
He's like, yeah, I'm trying.
Okay.
No, this is dope.
My parents should get my ass in gear.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I'm ready.
Let's go.
Now, what I'm curious about is if they win the lawsuit, the people have a kid and it's a daughter.
They're going to be like, yo, yeah, get a refund on this shit.
I ain't trying to have no fucking granddaughter.
You better get a super wine right now.
Of course, I got you.
Oh, my God.
You're a bad guy.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Damn, you're a bad guy.
That's how much he got from the news anchor.
Fuck no.
That was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
I hit up Akash immediately after the scene.
That was one of the funniest things I've ever fucking seen.
Akash was on Fox 17 in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Grand Rapids, Michigan.
And he had this awkward ass conversation with this fucking interview lady.
It was awkward for her.
He killed it.
She wanted nothing to do with me.
Yo, really?
Nothing to do with you.
She was offended by your first month.
She was at the fucking beginning.
She didn't like you.
Go watch it, man.
There's a video clip.
It's on your Instagram.
Did you clip it short or is it the whole thing?
I cut it down a bit.
I watched that whole shit, man.
That's fucking hilarious, bro.
This girl hated me from jump.
And I had a choice.
I could try to make her like me or I could just enjoy her hating me.
And I chose the latter.
And I just had whatever fun I could in that interview.
Yeah, she didn't break, though.
No, no, no.
She was a professional.
She at the end, she goes, I just love having comedians.
Oh, yeah.
It looks like shit on your channel like that.
I said, I can tell.
Yeah, that's what I was.
I just acknowledged what it was.
Yeah.
I was like, I'm promoting the shows.
And I'm like, I had a feeling she won't be here.
And then she just was like, nope.
Yeah.
Holy fuck.
Yeah.
But you had a good weekend, though.
Yeah, I had shows.
Yeah, I had a great weekend of shows.
What was your favorite one?
It was either.
Either the show on the news, where I said we haven't sold any tickets to this.
And then I went into a fucking bowling alley and had to set up the shows myself or the ones that we sold out.
But then I was telling the waitress, she was asking where I was performing, and I said the name, and she was like, oh, yeah, I got roofied there.
And I was like, okay.
Wait, that's the same place?
Different place.
Bowling alley?
It was a different place each night.
Thursday.
Akash was tight, bro.
I was fucking heated, bro.
You had me in a rapist lounge and a bowling alley.
Yeah.
I flew out for these.
I flew people out for these.
Yeah, he almost fired his agent right there, bro.
I almost fired the agent, Andrew, got me right there.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
I said, fucking bad.
But the bowling alley is a little wild, bro.
He got to set his parameters.
If you want to perform in a bowling alley, you got to say that shit.
I thought these were unwritten rules.
I don't know.
Maybe it's just me.
Nah, bro.
Sometimes you're up in bowling alleys.
What's the worst show they booked you on, this agent?
Shit.
I was a little further beyond.
I think when I was doing it, I think it was mostly comedy clubs.
But early on, I did fucking Elks Lodges and like random backup restaurants.
No.
That's the thing.
I could have got that myself.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
I'm not flying to Michigan for it.
Gotcha.
But the funniest part is the suffering.
I wish I was there when you saw the bowling alley.
Did you hear the pins get hit by the balls?
No, no.
Luckily, I'm not.
That would have been fun.
Yo, we're driving, and then Big Kev, Hodor, he's telling me, he's like, yo, we're in Muskegon, Michigan.
He's like, this is.
Hodor loves bowling, doesn't he?
Simple games like that, right?
Big rock!
Big rock roll!
I bowled with this guy.
Big rock roll!
Wood slide!
I bowled with this guy.
He takes the heaviest ball.
Accidentally grabs Arkanash, just rolls it out.
He took the heaviest ball and just threw it halfway, Lance, halfway down the lane.
Strongest motherfucker I ever met in my life.
But he told me, he's like, yo, this is not like a great part of Michigan.
I'm surprised to have you performing there.
And then we're driving, driving to Kia Minivan, obviously.
Yeah.
And then he drives by a bowling alley and he goes, such captains.
Yo, we had a Kia Sedona.
Yeah.
Swear to God.
I bet.
Oh, God.
Why do you not believe that?
No, we believe you.
We believe you.
We believe you, bro.
What a weird lie that would be.
We believe you.
We believe you got the Kia Sedona.
Tell us more about fucking Hodor.
We're driving by the minivan.
And he goes, yo, that's where the show is.
And I said, what are you talking about?
That's a bowling alley.
He goes, yeah, that's where the show is.
And then I was like, oh, Back Alley Comedy Club is literally the back of a fucking bowling alley.
Wait, you don't look up where you're performing.
Oh, that's the alley.
Oh, that's kind of cool.
Back alley.
Yeah.
Oh, because it's an alley.
Yeah, like a bowling alley.
Bowling alley.
So you hit it well.
That's what you know bowling alley.
You should look up the I will now.
Lesson learned.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's kind of on you.
Like, you should know where you're flying to go perform.
Yeah, this is the first time I've ever done a show where it's three cities, three different venues, one a night.
This was an odd thing with Google so much.
So much.
There's no way you could exhaust all three of those things.
I mean, now it takes time.
How much time would that take?
I also took it.
Did you look it up?
I took it back in like October when I was just like, give me any gig.
I don't give a fuck.
Yeah.
And then now I'm like, I give a little bit of a fuck.
Yeah, you ain't performing no fucking bowling.
At least I should have to plug my own microphone in that I brought from New York City.
Yeah.
Because they don't have one at the venue.
They didn't even have a microphone?
No.
The girl that was working there was like, hey, we got fired today.
This is under new management.
So like, this is my last time working here.
We were like, are you, this is real?
She's like, yeah.
We're like, all right, well, do you know where like the microphone is?
And she was like, no, not really.
Was there like a stage?
You just go on a Hodor's shoulder?
How did you?
Well, I wanted to sit, so he carried me through the helmet.
Dude, I fucking love Hodor.
He's the best.
He's the fucking greatest.
He really is.
Shouts, Kev.
Shouts to Kev.
Look, go check out that clip.
It's a hilarious clip, and you're fucking brilliant on it.
Thank you, man.
Appreciate it.
You're just so great.
You just are unfazed.
This girl's giving you nothing, and you don't give a fuck.
I have to.
Stay in it.
There's no other option.
I loved it.
I loved it.
Okay.
Maybe you should plug some shows, my boy.
Oh.
Did y'all have another topic or something like that?
Zane's.
Chicago.
June 16th through 18th.
16th and 17th in Chicago.
18th in Rosemont.
And Cobbs Comedy Club.
I'm coming for one night only, you.
Cobbs Comedy Club.
I'm coming.
You're going to get it down.
I'm going to get it.
I'm going to get it.
It's a different place.
You know what I mean?
I'm coming for one night only, June 30th, and then July 1st, Canada Day, Vancouver.
I'm telling you, these tickets will sell out.
Make sure you buy them right now.
Vancouver!
And more.
Come on out, Vancouver.
AkotSing.com.
Now let's end the show.
Come on out.
Come check it.
You know what I mean?
What's the venue you're doing in Vancouver?
Yeah, which we're playing at.
Which arcade?
I'm trying to think the worst thing.
Mark, if you're lucky, I'll let you open.
I actually need that.
Did we do something horrible?
I truly mean this is the worst venue I've done.
And that includes actually no, worst venue ever.
I would take a restaurant.
Okay.
Listen, I had to chris in the room.
What's my mazel cute?
Are we going to end the are we going to end the podcast on the great George W. Bush's recent?
Do we want to call it a gaff?
Do we want to call it a truism?
What do we want to call it?
Or we just want to play the video.
George W Bush Rebrand00:03:51
Yeah.
Freudian slip.
I mean, he's still got it, baby.
He really does.
Ready?
Press player.
Fucking hero.
Fucking king.
Russian elections are rigged.
Political opponents are imprisoned or otherwise eliminated from participating in the electoral process.
The result is an absence of checks and balances in Russia and the decision of one man to launch a wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq.
I mean, of Ukraine.
Correct.
Anyway.
Fucking hero, y'all.
75.
I mean.
Comedy's powerful, dude.
Yeah, man.
Comedy's powerful.
He just made a joke about it.
He admitted that he fucked up in Iraq.
He admitted it was his fault.
And then he makes a joke about it.
And then you're like, he's not that bad.
Yeah, I love this guy.
He paints now.
He's a painter.
He's not bad.
Yeah.
When has a painter ever done anything bad?
You know?
Is there another?
No, I don't think there's anything.
Is there another painter that turned to a leader of a nation that did anything bad?
No, Bush went the other way.
He became a painter after.
That's what you're going to do.
Exactly.
Yeah, save your painting for when you retire.
I really do think Bush didn't.
He was just like led to doing all this fucked up shit, and he was too dumb to know any better, which isn't necessarily like exonerating him.
I mean, you're not too dumb.
He was just, I think, manipulated into it or whatever.
He was like, I don't know what I'm doing.
Y'all want to handle this?
I also think he grew up in like a class of, you know, I don't know, political family where they know how shit really works.
Like, he knows how the sausage is made.
So like, he knows that like these decisions are made by more than just the president.
You know, there's special interest groups that are like manipulating the fucking CIA to overthrow government.
Dick Cheney.
Not only Dick Cheyenne, it goes way beyond Dick Cheney.
Like there's just a lot more people that are in there on these decisions.
And like to us, we're like, oh, this guy's president.
He makes all the rules now.
And it's like, not even close.
It's like, you get all the criticism when the decisions fuck up, but you don't just get to walk it and make all the rules.
And I think he was just privy to that because his father was president.
And he'd probably have dinners where he's sitting down and his dad's complaining, like, these motherfuckers want me to go bomb these people.
I don't even know how to pronounce this fucking country, but we just got to do it.
So it's not shocking to him.
Like, they know what the fucking world really is.
And I think he feels guilty about it, and that's why he just fucking paints war bets now.
Because he's like, I had these guys in a war they shouldn't have been in, or I was a part of that.
And it's some weird way to cope.
Not that it's good enough, but I think that's why he does it.
I really do think he doesn't.
And I think he wanted to get that out on a Freudian level.
There's a great Robbie Slovakia.
Anyway, oh, yeah, it's great.
Yeah, but because he paints wounded war vets.
That's what he does.
And Robbie's like, while you're painting them, do you ever wonder how they lost their arms?
Shouts to Bush, though, man.
Do you know what I mean?
Hey, he's 75.
Nice little rebrand.
75.
75.
He has the best post-presidency of all presidents.
Like, complete.
Not complete.
A lot of people still hate him, I'm sure, but rehabbed his image a lot.
For how hated he was.
You know what I mean?
Like, consider where he was in 2004.
He's almost unanimously charming.
He was the biggest fucking dumbass while he's president.
He was a racist.
Remember, George Bush don't care about black people.
And he was a murderer and, you know, war-for-profit, all this other shit.
And now he's the cute guy that gives sweeps to Michelle Obama.
Yeah, gotcha.
Yeah, I agree with you.
Was loved though during his presidency, right?
Like with the 9-11 shit.
I forget how young you were during that.
Yeah, he was loved for that year.
But then that was the first year of his presidency.
He wasn't even loved, dog.
It wasn't even love.
I mean, again, you're in Texas.
I'm in Texas, so yeah.
But like in New York, it was like, yeah, that's that dumbass.
Post Presidency Charm00:01:06
Yep.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
There was no love at all.
I think they make a big deal about him like throwing in the first pitch.
I was in New York at that time.
That didn't even pop up on my radar.
Like ESPN did a 30 for 30 about it.
I didn't even know he threw out the pitch.
We didn't even know he was in New York.
He was one of the best first pitches.
That motherfucker had heat on his bus.
Yeah, for the speedball.
That's right.
Okay, anyway, listen, guys, we love you.
We appreciate you.
We hope you like the new studio.
This would not be possible without all of you.
We're so fucking grateful.
And just thank you guys so much.
And as always, we're going to keep on trying to deliver the best content that we possibly can.
Keep on pushing the game forward.
Keep on changing this fucking game.
We cannot do that without you spreading the word for us and making the show as big as it is.
So I know that we are all incredibly grateful that you have provided this opportunity for us.
And we hope that we provide the most fun fucking hangout that could possibly exist on the internet or in the universe or wherever.