Esther Povitsky and Khalyla Kuhn dissect Hollywood power dynamics, revealing how fear of blacklisting by figures like Harvey Weinstein shapes career choices. They debate the ethics of possessing old high school sex tapes now classified as illegal child pornography and analyze the biological versus pheromonal drivers behind controversial encounters with potential family members. Ultimately, the conversation exposes how trauma, identity fluidity, and industry exploitation complicate modern relationships, challenging listeners to reconsider the line between personal freedom and societal consequence. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Sex With My Brother00:14:32
Did you have sex with your brother?
I had sex with a boy who I was told after I had sex with him that he could potentially be my brother.
He does look like me.
There are whispers in the family.
You know what?
I fucked my brother.
Why not fuck my child?
I think we've got the start of the pot.
I quit doing anal in high school.
I think it had fucking high school girls game.
Like, I think that's when you do it.
Get it out of the way.
Same with sex tapes.
Like, I did him in high school.
I'm done now.
But yes, when I went to the house.
We were just talking about this.
Yeah, Al is a friend who filmed a sex tape in high school.
A friend.
It was more like a girl's gotten wild tape, but.
Ah, yeah.
Okay, so you have these sex tapes.
Well, from high school.
They're illegal child porn now, so they have been destroyed.
You don't watch them anymore.
No.
But if you did, would it be wrong?
We just were having this conversation.
So I did.
Okay, I'm so glad you're bringing this up because.
We're going to get to anal in a second.
I recently came across it on accident.
Sure.
And disgusting.
Yeah.
I'm calling the police right now.
I accidentally took my VHS and put it into my.
I swear I can back that up, but it's not worth it.
But basically, I talked about it.
Why were you backing up?
I talked about it openly on our show, Trash Tuesday, and I got all these messages saying that like, that you can't talk about that.
It's illegal.
And I'm like, but it's me.
I own it.
And everyone was like, no, you'll get arrested for it.
So we had it deleted because I was like, is this, it's weird, though.
I felt comfortable with it.
It's my body.
It's me.
But it's not, it's illegal.
Was it your body with guys?
Well, why did you have to say guys?
Yeah, why was it plural?
I had a feeling it was multiple.
There was one that had multiple people.
I knew it all girls.
Millions of girls.
Oh, it was just girls.
But I knew because it seemed like you like company.
It wasn't even for like sexual thing, but it was more like a somber party.
That is such a friendly way of telling me that I seem lonely.
You like company.
But yeah, I'm not allowed to have it, but which I think is unfair.
So it was you and other girls.
I don't see that as that bad.
If there was like, if you were watching like underage dudes have sex with you, like that'd be kind of creepy.
Why is that creepy?
Because you and like underage girls, it's like swimming.
Like I'm sure you have like swimming stuff.
That's also because you don't think lesbians are sex.
Yeah, I also don't think that that's necessarily sex.
I kind of view sex as penetration.
I don't view it as like.
It's very biblical of you.
Yeah.
I'm biblical.
Dude, I'm biblical as fuck, dude.
So you're saying.
Yeah.
If a lesbian was elbows deep in my asshole, that's not penetration.
Now we're back to anal, and I'm glad that we got here.
And I'm going to go wash my hands.
Elbows deep?
Yeah, that actually.
Elbows deep.
Could you use your asshole as a motor when you swam?
I don't know.
Why is there the assumption that I'm talking about myself?
Although I did, when I had a colonoscopy at the age of 28, they asked me two questions.
They said, it might be, do you think it could be autoimmune?
Or do you get fucked in the ass?
No.
Yeah.
Your doctor said that.
Yeah, because I had proctitis.
Like, I had inflammation in that area and I had a colonoscopy because I was, there was like, I was shitting blood.
Did you tell them that you were just getting fingered by that tree person when you grew up with?
You were not fingered.
Dude, a fist of 12 is crazy.
That's crazy.
I think that's it.
I think I want it.
Okay, wait, for real?
They really asked me that?
They asked me that.
They were like, what are your sexual practice?
Well, they didn't explicitly say that, but they like insinuated that it might have something to do with, you know, my sexual practices.
And to be fair, I had just been railed in the ass all summer in Spain.
And in Spain, even.
Yeah, in Spain.
This was before Bobby.
This was pre my sweet, you know, love of your life.
Shout out to Bobby.
I love Bobby.
I'm glad that he's healthy.
Yeah.
He's better.
He is better.
I fixed him.
He fixed them.
Okay, good.
But you are not fixed yet.
No, I'm as broken as broken in.
Okay, this is including my asshole.
But from the Spanish man, right?
Oh, yeah.
And why ask?
What was the deal with that?
I don't know because they needed a way to heal my asshole.
No, no.
Why did he just want to have sex with your asshole?
You know what?
There was a trend in my hand.
A trend in Spanish.
Spaniards and Filipinos have a history, I think.
That's right.
I think that's what it is.
This isn't the first time.
The first time he's falling to me.
He colonized my asshole over again.
Oh, my God.
And you let it happen.
I let my people down.
You should have pegged him.
That's the payback.
Wait.
Genius.
Maybe I have a misconception here, but I always thought that when anal is on the menu, everyone goes for it.
It's just a matter of is it on the menu or not.
Don't like it, personally.
No, everyone is.
Guys don't like it.
Just girls like Anal.
What?
Well, gay guys like it.
Yeah, gay guys like Anal.
But yeah, guys don't like Anal.
Okay.
Wow, we've been bamboozled.
Guys like to get it out of the way, though.
Yeah, we want to know we did it just in case there's some other guy there who did it to you and he doesn't have anything over us.
Like I have to do the most things to you, but I don't want to do those things.
It's just there's these fucking losers that you let bang you in the ass for somewhere in Spain.
So now I have to go push shit just so I can feel like I beat him or at least I'm equal.
You got to plant the flat.
Literally.
But you're also thinking Russia wants to go to the moon.
You put a flag there.
So now you're like, fuck.
We got to go there.
We got to do it.
I don't know if you're like the spokesperson for male sex, though.
I am.
But you only have sex on your back.
I only have sex on my back.
So I don't know if you're necessarily.
Have you ever done anal on your back?
That takes a strong dick, bro.
That takes a strong dick, dude.
Yeah.
And that's more empowering for the woman.
You only have sex on your back?
Mostly.
For her.
That's not tough.
100%.
We would never work.
We would just fight over the remote, but that's fine.
But really, you don't do any other position.
No, I back is really where I shine.
Yeah.
Just laying there.
Why is that?
Lazy.
You guys are both lazy.
Why is it for you?
For me, I can control my orgasm better.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
If I'm in any other position, I like, I'm too addictive.
What, like, it's just going to come out quick?
No, it's like, ooh, that feels good.
And I'm like, I can probably do this a little longer and then no.
Like, I chase it.
I don't know how to pace myself.
But if the girl's on top, she's controlling what feels good for her, right?
So I can't chase it as much.
Should we ask them about...
Yes.
Will you ask?
Will you ask?
So on our show, we have this theory that like it's a very feminist movement to be pro-skull fucking.
Skull fucking.
Okay.
What is that?
What is that?
I love it.
Come on.
Khalila, please take over.
I don't think it's a feminist movement as much as it's just the laziest move on earth.
Can you explain skull fucking move?
I think that blowjobs are an absolute chore.
And I would rather just sit there and not move my neck muscles and would rather just be penetrated.
Does that make sense?
I don't want to do the work.
It's a very lazy thing.
You're playing on your back of blowjobs.
Yes.
We feel like it's really been branded as this thing where you're like, you're destroying the girl, but we're here to rebrand it and be like, no, this is actually better for us.
The thing is.
You can prefer that.
Yeah.
To be skull fucked.
Yeah.
I don't like it.
Because you're, I know.
I understand.
Because you want to be on your back.
I want to be on my back.
But it needs a better name, though.
Skull fuck is so face to be.
Dude, I was getting heads once standing up once.
And.
Wait, you were giving?
Just getting heads standing up once, and I started to get tired and put my hand on my hip.
And there's nothing like a whole pole gun.
Like, literally, I was just kind of like this.
I had one hand openly like that.
And yeah, yeah, I just, I just can't do it.
It's too much standing.
You have blood pressure issues.
I might have blood pressure issues.
I do.
I don't like just standing in place.
It's either I have to walk or lay down or sit down.
Sciatica, maybe.
Because I spent a whole year in Spain, so that'll do it.
You've also been colonized.
100%.
100%.
But the, no, no, I'm curious about this.
So, skull fucking, you guys are trying to rebrand.
I don't even like the skull fucking.
I'll be completely honest with you.
I don't like the skull fucking.
Why?
Because you don't.
I like to skull fuck my wife, Mark.
I have a wife.
You don't want to do the effort.
No, it's not about effort.
Yes, it is.
No, it's not.
You come over a long day together.
You come up from a long day.
You come up with Bluetooth.
You lay on your back.
Yeah.
You want to be serviced.
I actually do like to be serviced.
Yeah, I know.
Treat me like a kid.
You're a taking treatment.
Yeah.
That's why you can't.
I just get abused on this podcast by these pieces of shit.
You're getting skull fucked right now.
That's what it feels like.
And the great thing about skull fucking is that if there is teeth involved, it's not our fault.
That's your fault.
You're the operator.
No, no.
No, it's operational.
It is operational.
You don't have to go over there.
There's a nick on that dick.
It's not my fault.
Interesting.
No, no, I think that's your fault because you have to open up wide.
Nope.
Don't tell me how to open if you control it.
I don't want to.
You control my mouth.
Open it for me.
Okay, here's the thing: all of that is terrifying to me.
I don't want that too much responsibility during a blowjob because now I'm worried during a blowjob.
Am I skull fucking her the way she wants to be skull fucked?
It's not for us.
It's not for us.
You just said it's for you.
No.
He said it's the most feminist thing in the world.
Because we don't have to do anything.
Exactly.
So we're.
Am I providing you with the skull fucking?
No, we're providing.
No, no, no.
We're providing our mouths to you.
We're like, just do what you need to do, and then we can all go back to our separate rooms.
Yes.
Seems very passive.
Yeah, this seems like you just ruined skull fucking for all guys who like it.
Maybe.
Is that the trick?
No, no, I can't do this.
I'm not into the skull fucking thing.
I do, I want it to go as far as the skull fuck goes in terms of how deep in your mouths it goes.
Of course.
Of course.
Not, but I want you to do that.
Like, there's something so hot.
Okay, you know, backroom casting couch.
You ever watch that kind of porn?
Yeah, of course.
I don't like it.
I don't like it as much when like he's fucking them.
I like it when they are sitting down on his dick because it's like they're fucking themselves.
Feminine.
Feminist room?
No.
No, like, like, like, they're just like, I'm ruining my own life.
Do you know what I mean?
Do you know what I'm saying?
Right?
Like, I'm making the worst decision ever, right?
He's not doing it.
He's just innocently like, you want to make $1,000, $5,000 a day?
Right?
It's up to you.
I don't think it's ruining their lives, but it does seem like...
It's hard to come back from, right?
Is it?
Well, would you do it?
No, but that's just me.
And that's only in high school.
Yeah.
She got 16 ahead.
Come on.
Yeah.
Would you say that you maybe identify as like being submissive in the bedroom then?
So here's the thing.
Don't like that.
I know.
I had a feeling.
Thank you.
I don't like it.
I feel like I'm getting fucking cucked right now.
Okay, I'm going to get really angry.
I'm going to turn to Nate from fucking Euphoria, dude.
I'm only two episodes in.
I don't know what his character does, but two episodes in, he's a pretty angry guy.
First season?
First season.
Oh, yeah.
It's a wild ride.
It gets worse?
Yes.
Okay.
So far, he's just a really protective guy over a girl he really likes.
He's just getting dicked down in pools.
And he's kind of into the trans shit.
Are you in Nate?
I don't know what that means.
Wow.
I don't know what that means.
But all I know so far is I don't want to skull fuck you and I don't want to fuck you in my ass.
I don't want to fuck you in the ass.
I don't want to skull fuck you.
And you don't want to be submissive.
I don't want to be submissive.
He just doesn't want it labeled as submissive.
That's also that.
Yeah.
I'm an aggressive, a passive.
You're a power bottom.
Power bottom.
Finally, we understand what I am in bed.
Yes.
That is the thing.
Is it really?
Yeah, you just thrust upward.
That's like your finishing move, but it's really boring.
Oh, fuck.
Not for you.
It's fire.
I thought that was like the best thing my wife ever experienced in her life.
When I hit her with that popcorn, like every once in a while, them kernels start popping.
No?
There's a little move?
Yeah, that's the best.
Y'all would enjoy the popcorn?
Take you to the movies?
Just put a little butter on it?
Never?
No, that's good.
I'm down with that.
What do girls want?
What do girls want?
Exactly what she wants.
Okay, Esther, what do you want from sex?
I'm like, we're the same.
We're cut from the same cloth.
I want to lie there.
Maybe I'll throw in a little help here and there, but I'm like more submissive.
You and I are not like that.
Yeah, we are.
No, no.
Group of it.
I am not like that at all.
You like being submissive.
Yeah.
I am a power bottom.
You're not a power bottom.
No, I'm really not.
Exactly.
Okay.
Because you can't pop.
You're not popping.
Yeah, I guess I don't prefer to pop.
We're currently in a love triangle.
She'll the tattoo us.
I have Kalila's name to her on my arm.
Now I've had a little research done.
I heard that that tattoo can go away.
It does go away in a year, but I probably will re-up.
Honestly, I'll resubscribe.
I kind of feel like Kalila is like a stripper I fell in love with.
Wow.
And I just needed her name on my body.
And we would work out because I am not submissive, unlike both of you.
Yeah.
So does that mean Bobby is?
Yeah.
Bobby is just tired.
He's tired.
Yeah, that's what I am, too.
Pre-diabetic.
What's going on?
He's pre-diabetic and he's tired.
So Papa's got to lay on his back.
Aren't we all pre-diabetic?
Technically.
Everybody can pre- Yeah, what a...
You either are or you're not.
No, you're just at the border.
Tattoo Love And Roleplay00:08:41
Then you're not.
Yeah, but you're there.
No, but that's like a sympathy thing.
It's like a way.
I don't know what you're all in.
You're Russian tree.
You're a Russian tree.
You're at the border.
No.
Yes, you're about to invade.
Is it war or is it not war?
But the pre-diabetic thing, I don't buy.
I don't buy the pre-diabetic.
Okay.
That being said, that's a real thing.
No, it's such a real thing.
How many does he have to?
He has all his toes, right?
He has what?
He has all his toes, right?
Still, yeah.
But they could get amputated three years from now if he just tips over that, you know, diabetic line that you say doesn't exist.
I believe diabetic line exists.
Okay.
I believe diabetes exists.
But I don't believe pre-diabetes.
Okay.
Because we're all pre-diabetes if we don't have diabetes.
I believe you don't.
You don't know.
I'm pre-dead.
I'm pre-dead right now, guys.
I have to be very careful because I could die.
I'm pre-dead.
Okay.
Right?
Same.
You're pre-dead.
I identify.
As pre-dead.
And not just like the way you have sex, but just pre-dead is a state that we're all in.
But you were bringing that up for one specific reason.
The diabetes?
No, I was bringing it up to explain why Bobby needs to be on his back.
It's not a choice.
He needs, it's just his body requires that he does minimal movement.
But it's okay.
Like, I think that I've, um, I naturally have the, um, you know, the desire to take over sexually anyway.
Really?
Yeah.
And how often do you guys have sex?
Um, in the last, during the pandemic, it died.
I mean, it died a painful death.
Really?
That didn't happen to anybody?
Everybody was fucking during the pandemic?
Yeah, the opposite, I think.
Yeah.
No, the pandemic was like a slow period for me, too.
Yeah, we talked about it on our podcast.
Something happened.
Video games happen, being home, just being like desensitized to each other.
Yeah, when you're always there, it's just like you kind of need to go out and then come back and do it.
Yeah.
We were still out.
That's the thing.
Yeah.
We were, we moved to Miami.
We were like doing things.
You guys are in LA.
Everything shut down.
Yeah.
And then we were like, you know, super sexualized by Miami.
Yes.
Like I had sex missionary like crazy.
Dude, Mish, like once a week, I just get on top.
It's fiery.
It's the best.
There we go.
It's very underrated.
And now I want to go to Miami and get sexualized.
That sounds fun.
You got to chill out.
You got to chill out.
You'll get sold into slavery if you go to Miami.
You can't wait.
She's like, me?
Do you really think?
Now, before your fiancé, would you have guys, because you obviously look much younger, would you have like these creepy older dudes trying to live out this safe version of a fantasy?
I didn't know it until kind of after the fact, but I did have one guy tell, and I didn't realize this in the moment, but now I know it's weird.
He asked me to wear like white, plain cotton panties.
And I'm like, that's very childlike, I think, right?
It's virginal.
Yeah.
It's like, I was kind of like, no, I'm not going to do that.
What are your thoughts on white virginal panties?
I need to know the intention because part of me admires these guys.
Don't do that.
For asserting their needs.
No, they're pedophiles, but they're obeying the rules.
They didn't choose to be pedophiles.
They have to find something that's as close to the sun as they can go, right?
To the sun.
Right?
Exactly.
And then it's like, hey, you might get something out of it as well.
Like, you're like, oh, this guy loves me in a way I've never been loved.
Yeah, no, I think you're right.
Pedophiles don't choose to be pedophiles.
And if they're finding a way to cope with it by fucking me, like, cool.
Right?
Sounds good.
It's like Blade.
You know, that vampire doesn't eat people.
Like, he just has his serum.
Yeah.
You're the Blade serum for pedophiles.
Vamp life, dude.
Let's go.
It's vamp life, dude.
It's not, yeah.
No, I, I think you're totally right.
No, I don't think that you have to submit your body to that.
No.
That being said, you could save a lot of kids if you care about kids more than yourself.
Okay.
Community service.
It will go case by case.
But do you ever think about praying in a pedophile?
Like you hook up with them, like play a kid, and then like start saying things from the 80s.
Right?
And like I got.
Transformers is crazy.
Remember the cartoon?
And they're just like, they throw up.
They're so disgusted.
Shrivel up inside.
Do you think that'd be a good show for you guys?
Possibly.
I have a question for you.
Okay.
She's taking over, dude.
I'm laying on my back.
I'm chilling.
With pedophilia.
Can you roleplay as well?
Why do you want it to be for me?
She knows that she's a single person.
Why is she going to meet you, bro?
As two consenting adults, can you pedophilia roleplay?
I always wonder this.
Always?
Yeah, you would wonder that.
No, it's because I recently.
Oh, these white panties.
Her fiance is sweating right now.
No, no, no.
We've never done that, but I recently got into roleplay.
Okay.
And I've had people, I talk about it in my standard, but I've had people ask me if I do the young thing.
And I'm questioning, is like schoolgirl roleplay wildly inappropriate?
What is role play?
What?
What?
What do people get out of that shit?
Can you guys explain?
What a very submissive thing to say.
Isn't it super powerful?
Maybe it is.
I might be a fucking total sub, but like, come on, what are we playing?
Well, when you've been in a relationship for nine years, you kind of have to like invent things.
And also, it's like make-believe.
It's fun.
You get to like make a character.
I think you guys just love acting.
Like, you're like Hollywood people.
No, we don't want to.
Bobby is tired of fucking Kalila.
We want to fuck other people.
So we become those other people.
We've been together a decade.
You know, so it's like...
What is the shoe one?
Oh, yeah.
Like, I've been, he's been an aristocrat and I've been a shoemaker.
Like, that's a roleplay that we do.
Yeah.
Like, I go door to door making clogs for rich aristocrats.
And he's one of the aristocrats that I sigh.
So what do you say?
What do you say when you show up?
Good sir.
You know, stuff like that.
That's crazy.
And then.
And you're not dying laughing during this whole thing.
I know where.
Why did I laugh?
Does Bobby have an accent too?
He does.
He's a very rich, fat Chinese man.
Oh, he's not even Korean.
He's Chinese.
That's his dream.
Yeah, he switches.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, that's one of the things.
Yeah, that's his roleplay.
To play somebody we couldn't tell the difference.
Huge stretch.
Do you just go over there and just bind his feet?
That just seems crazy.
Imagine if that's.
Well, there's another.
That's what leads me to my question.
We have a character he plays, which is called Virgin Brandon, that really gets me off.
Age has not been determined, but he's likely very young.
Okay.
And very, very thankful that, you know, older Susan, me, is giving him this chance to.
Can I tell you something?
I'm 100% certain if you were a teacher, kids would get fucked.
I'm 100%.
And not in like a, I want to take advantage of them way.
In like you'd see like this like sad, distraught kid, and you'd be like, I can make him feel better.
I can heal him and I can take him under my wing.
I know that.
But I only have a tank for old fatties.
I've never been with guys younger than me.
I like them old and fat.
Why?
I don't know.
It's a bad thing.
Is there a security thing?
But is it a security thing?
It's like, okay.
Old, fat, and Jewish.
But maybe sometimes there's security there.
It's like, oh, this guy's not going to leave me.
Yeah.
Possibly.
Possibly.
Although I was just going to say that he's almost left me several times, so that doesn't actually work out.
Why?
Why?
No, I'm just a crazy person.
Maybe he did.
Why?
What happened?
What was the beef?
No, like, I just mean that I am usually the problem in the relationship.
And so, like, if it were to end, it would be him leaving me, I think.
And what do you do to cause these problems?
You know, we started dating when I was in my early 20s.
So I was just like a crazy person and, you know, demanded moving in together.
And, you know, I was an ultimatum girl, and I don't think guys like that.
Smoking Freeze Pipes00:04:11
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Are you an ultimatum girl?
Yeah.
You got to try roleplay.
I think you would like it.
Yeah.
What should I role play?
I think it's fun.
I have a feeling that you're a heterosexual male.
Yeah.
You could role play as a dom.
That could be fun.
Dom.
You could role play as a repairman and a homeowner.
So you're a repairman.
Maybe your wife could be a homeowner.
Okay.
How would she afford the...
Well, I guess it doesn't work if you have an analogy.
Oh, no, it's a fantasy thing.
You could do cheerleader and football player.
That could be fun.
Okay.
You could be a cheerleader.
Okay.
Honestly, I can't do it.
I bet you could.
I swear.
Because I was like you, I was shy.
I was crying, laughing.
I thought it was really funny, and sometimes I do get a little nervous and giggle, but like it's still hot, and you still keep going with it.
I have a character called Neighborhood Girl.
Oh, and she's just a girl in the neighborhood who comes by the house.
Maybe she wants to fuck you.
She might want to rob you.
It's kind of a thrill.
That's the role I play.
Do you rob them sometimes?
No, I've never robbed him.
Well, not in the role play, but do you?
Is there something like that's maybe an extension of you?
That's just like a little different version of you that you would feel like extra sexy.
No.
What if she was something extra sexy?
What if you were you?
She can't get sexier.
Aww.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I got to make sure your lungs aren't getting torched.
Okay.
And the way you're going to do that is you're going to start smoking with freeze pipe.
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We were creating the first version of Freeze Pipes.
Now, it wasn't that fancy.
We didn't have this glycerin right here, which is so much better.
We would cut a two-liter bottle, cut the top off or the bottom off.
I forget, stuff a bunch of ice cubes in there and then smoke it through that so it would cool the smoke.
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This is that times a million.
Okay.
Honestly, game changer.
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Now let's get back to the show.
But what if you guys are both Scottish?
I will.
Then that could be good.
That would be really hot.
No, no.
What I will say is, like, if we're being serious.
If we're being serious.
Whatever that is.
You're deflecting so hard.
I'm glad you guys are both Scottish.
You're a Highlander, okay?
And she's just a nurse trying to heal you after you got your arm cut off in the Battle of Colonel.
I'm going to fix you now.
Yes.
Now we're doing it.
We're open.
An Italian comes in the room.
I'm taking notes.
No, no.
What I will say is, like, I don't know, maybe this is like an extension of drunk sex.
So it's like reducing inhibitions.
And maybe through the character, you have no inhibitions because this is what the character is saying.
So you get to kind of access a part of yourself that's actually more real.
You absolutely nailed it.
Right.
That's yes.
Right.
So it's like you really want to be, these things exist within you, and the character is just the comfortable way to be the neighborhood girl.
You really just want to go in there and just start taking shit or seduce him or be fucked up.
And then anytime that like cringe moment or the embarrassing thing happens, you get to go, no, this is just the character.
Totally.
So it's like a safe version of that.
I just use alcohol for that.
That works too, probably.
I've never tried that either, so I don't know.
What I would say is that now I understand it why people want to do that.
Sometimes we want to just get out of our heads.
And that's what the character thing is.
Stone cold sober, you guys will go, well, obviously, you're sober, right?
I rarely drink.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, okay.
Yeah.
I think you got to try it.
Safe Sexual Characters00:13:09
I mean, do you do, do you do role play stuff?
Yes.
No, you don't.
I pretend to be Bobby Lee.
Yeah.
That is true.
I like that.
And then how do you do it for you?
I lay on my back.
Yeah.
And Kalila comes over.
Exactly.
And then my wife will do Kalila and then she'll dominate me.
Wow.
Wow.
That's true.
That's how we do it.
Al, do you have a roleplay that like you're sleeping with black women?
Like, I said, no, no, have you ever done the roleplay stuff?
Because you're pretty adventurous sexually.
Like cuffs and swings and things like that.
It's not really role play.
Yeah.
Unless you role play as a cop.
Jungle gym play, dog.
Yeah, I mean, we play.
It's a swing.
But yeah, no role plays.
That's stuff I'm very intimidated by.
Contraptions.
Oh, it's funny.
Like sex toys.
Yeah, that I just think that if I go in that direction, I'll always rely on that.
That's how I felt about finger in the butt.
Explain.
But what?
I didn't want to know that I liked it.
But did you do it?
I didn't do it.
Won't do it.
You know what?
I've never been there.
I swear to God.
You know me.
I've had it licked.
Yeah.
And then when the girl tried to go in, I was like, she tried.
And what's the answer?
Say again?
What's the answer?
Is it Gladiator?
Soup fire.
Thumbs up.
Soup fire.
I'm not going to put thumbs anywhere.
Okay.
I would love for you to just surrender because I've never been with a guy who doesn't like it.
No, I believe that it is to be enjoyed.
Yes.
I don't want to rely on that because I've never taken off my underwear and there hasn't been shit.
So I know what my wife is putting her fingers into.
So, and it's not like I don't wipe thoroughly.
Like, I actually do put in a good effort.
Like, I really try.
And it's every single time.
You could do some like prep work.
What do you mean by that?
You know, go in the shower.
Really just make sure everything.
What?
He needs a bidet.
Yeah.
You're so rich and you don't have a bidet.
I don't believe in it.
You like manual wipes.
Yeah.
He doesn't want to feel it.
He doesn't want to know he likes the bidet.
Yeah.
Dude, I spent 45 minutes scrolling on a bidet once.
Water squirting.
Yeah.
45 minutes.
He was floating in the air like a car.
What is that?
That's me on top.
Take that, Esther.
So it's like for the planet.
You don't want to waste all the resources.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
I want to get stuff done.
I would do one podcast a week if I had a bidet.
And I'd sit on their reverse cowgirl.
Multiple warriors.
Just staring at the walls.
You also believe the G-Spot's a myth, too.
Yeah.
The male G-spot.
Male G-Spot.
I don't believe in it.
Really?
Yeah.
I have been unsuccessful in that arena as well.
Really?
I have tried to go in and done everything, hit the prostate, and it has not bullshit.
It has not been fruitful.
Wow.
And when you come, it's not even cum that comes out.
But then I just blame myself.
It's just the fluid.
There's no actual sperm in it.
This is a myth gay dudes invented so that they could fit.
It's the gay lobby.
Yeah, it's the gay lobby.
Huh.
100%.
I didn't know that.
I want to be shown step-by-step, like a play-by-play by a gay man.
Because I think that I just probably don't know how to do it.
I blame myself.
You should blame yourself.
Personal accountability.
Only way to make changes.
Yeah.
Now, I want to ask you guys about a very important story.
There's a teacher that's being arrested because she made cum muffins.
Yeah.
Now, I'm assuming that the both of you have ingested probably billions of sperm in your life.
No.
One load of it is billions.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
So you probably have trillions.
Like, like, so like between the two of you, it's possible.
What's after trillions?
Bagillions?
Gazillions?
Gazillions?
Gazillions.
No, no.
So between the two.
Now, that's just by proxy of how many sperm are in a load.
Okay.
Right?
Is that a big deal that there were some common muffins?
That's pretty not okay.
Yeah.
It's not okay, but are you also like, get over it?
Like, that's whatever.
So, if someone fed someone unwillingly sperm, that is like death penalty.
That is horrible.
Now, have you ever had a guy not tell you and then came in your mouth?
No, no, no, no.
This is not.
No, I'm the girl that's lying on my back.
This is not, nobody's, no.
You want to get skull fucked, but politely.
Yeah, but like a guy skullfucking, you go, I'm going to come.
What?
What?
You know what?
That's right.
You can't just come and like anywhere you want without warning.
That's absurd.
I can't help it if my dick is smashing into your tonsils.
You're going to have to help it.
No, there's no just like surprise come in my life.
What?
Kalara, do you share this sentiment towards surprise come?
And look.
Every cum is surprise.
I would just like someone to honk the horn so even so I can just prepare my tonsils.
That's all I want.
Yeah, if you just look at my toes.
I'm just testing through my uvula.
I just need you to honk the horn.
What's a uvula?
The thing that moves when you do that.
I thought that was tonsils.
Wait, actually.
That's a uvula?
Yeah, the dangly thing in the back of your head.
I thought they'd take that out.
No, the thing's on the side of that.
I did not know that.
What?
I thought that that was tonsils.
Oh, no.
I thought that was tonsils.
The thing in the back of the throat.
You thought that was two things?
Yeah.
I thought it was tonsils.
But it's only one thing.
Yeah, why is it playing?
Like a Rhodes Scholar.
Like, I thought it's just tonsils.
Like, not multiple.
It's just like, that's a tonsil.
That's pants.
It's one pair of pants.
Yeah.
I see.
Yeah, but I wouldn't even call it a pair of pants.
I just thought that's a tonsils.
Yeah, you know, honestly, I've asked girls.
I'd be like, do you not have tonsils?
Like, that's crazy.
Where were we?
You girls are talking about ingesting cum.
I was trying to make a more of a biology lesson here.
I'm just shocked that like surprise come is acceptable to everyone except like I, to me, that's like, do you like me if you're like surprising me?
Esther, can I ask you a question?
Yes.
Is it that much of a surprise?
Like, you know, it's at the end of this journey, right?
Again, honk the horn.
I've just never had, I've never had that be a surprise.
But is it?
Maybe I'm not good at sex.
I don't know.
I just don't know.
I mean, it's maybe the polite thing to do, but I don't know if it's necessarily that rude.
Like, we all know what's going on here.
It's like if you're in the river looking for gold and then some gold gets into the pan, you're not like, well, why didn't anybody tell me?
Right?
You're digging for the gold and then it's there.
Cum and gold are not things that I usually comp together, but I hear you.
I hear you.
I think they can be comparable.
You know, depending.
Depending on the cum.
I mean, the right person comes in you.
There's some gold.
So if you ate one of those cum lace cupcakes, you would be like, no big deal.
It was just a hair.
It would be like equivalent of having like a hair.
Honestly, yeah.
No.
Are you serious?
No, it would be the equivalent, but he sends hair back immediately and gets mad.
No, I don't care about hair.
No.
You don't care about hair?
I don't know.
He just eats anything.
I eat anything.
Really?
I don't give a fuck.
He picks the hair up with his hands and then puts it on the side.
So what do you find a sperm in your food?
You're not going to send it back?
A singular sperm?
Yeah, you pull it out and you go, what is this?
Okay, I'll do you one better.
When I first started jerking off, I didn't know if I was coming or not.
And then I would just pee, and then I'd like put my finger in front of the stream and then I'd taste it to see if I was peeing or coming.
I respect that.
I want to know what the difference is.
You're a scientist.
Thank you.
Dr. Schultz.
I'm Dr. Schultz.
And I had to figure out.
I was like, I know the flavor of pee.
So if I taste this.
How do you know the flavor of pee?
That's probably similar to what it smells like.
Right?
And then if it tastes way different, then that's probably cum.
And then I actually came for the first time.
I was like, oh no, that's not me.
Like, I actually felt it.
I think you are weird, bro.
Why?
I'm a young kid.
Like, coming back from school, just sitting on the toilet, taking a shit, and then doing two days, Vaseline.
Blumpkin in yourself?
Blumpkin.
You know, because it's in the news, I'll share this.
I had my first orgasm to the Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee porn.
I watched it on my iPod video and I just thought I was.
That was your first ever orgasm in your life?
Yes.
Oh, oh, oh, not the new Hulu series.
Oh, no.
The actual, like, old school one.
I downloaded it on my parents' Mac and I uploaded it to my iPod video and I watched it.
And I was like, because I had been having sex.
Yeah.
And I was in that period of like, I think a girl's life where it's like, am I having one?
I don't know.
And then it wasn't until I watched that porn.
I was like, we did it.
And you were delivering this orgasm to yourself.
That's right.
Okay.
And that was your first time ever trying.
Yeah.
Maybe.
I don't know.
That's the thing.
Sometimes you try and it doesn't go there.
Yeah.
Sex didn't do it before that.
But then I learned it on my own.
That's kind of the thing for women, I hear, though.
Yeah.
It's like you have to learn your own body first and then you can orgasm easier with guys, yeah, or whoever.
True.
True, very true.
Why do you think that information isn't shared with women?
I think it is now.
Okay.
Like I certainly tell, like, I have to give sex advice to my nieces who are teenagers.
And that's the first thing I say.
It's like, discover yourself, just like in a very coded way, just be like, look, just do whatever you have to do.
You can't figure it out for yourself.
No one's going to figure it out for you.
So, but it is true.
Because it's like a guy could be, could really, there's no one guy that just, for instance, when a guy says he's like a god in the bedroom, it's probably just with that one person that he's consistently having sex with because that doesn't apply to the next girl.
Yeah.
Just like it's different for everybody.
It hits us.
Little parts feel different.
Have you ever been with a girl where you're like, oh, this, you're like, you have sex with her?
And like, you're like, oh, she's like following the playbook from the last guy.
This is interesting.
Go on, Matt.
That's meaningful.
She's doing moves that she knew worked for this other guy.
Yeah.
And then you have to, you're kind of like, whoa, no, like, we're not, let's read.
We got to start over here.
Okay.
Tiny little cheat cook because I'm a super sub, right?
But there is an advantage to like being on your back, especially when you're with a newer girl, is because they're in a position where they can control what they enjoy, they enjoy it more usually because you don't know their body yet, but they do.
So if they, you know, orgasm with their clit, then they can just kind of sit on it and do a lot of rubbing.
If they do it through penetration, they can do that kind of stuff.
So I think maybe outside of being completely lazy and just enjoying to sit down, I think my like people pleasing thing made me gravitate towards it.
So you're a thoughtful feminist.
I'm a feminist.
Yeah.
And very thoughtful.
Wow.
100%.
But no, in all seriousness, I think just going, okay, how will they enjoy this experience the most if it's the first time we've ever had sex?
Probably if they can control where it goes.
I like that.
Okay.
Would you think, though, if you can, for all women, what do you think the position is where they come the most?
It's no mouth.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
How do you, how do guys do it to where that happens?
Miles?
I'm not foreign.
I'm not foreign.
I'm much more.
Why are you not?
Are you not into?
Are you not a giver?
You're not a giver either?
I'm a giver.
I give dick.
Okay.
I'm not super sex.
No, I honestly feel like guys who love eating pussy got either small dicks or don't have confidence in their dick game.
That's so not true.
100%.
100%.
No guy with a big dick because I just want to eat pussy all the time.
There's no way that's real.
I'm telling you.
Find the big dick guys who are like, I just want to be all here all eating fucking pussy all day.
We know them.
Who?
I'm not naming them.
Name them.
I can't do that.
I yes and no.
Which one is it?
I give the guy what he wants, but it's never for free.
At the end, when he comes, it's like, look, I'm going to get on all fours and you're going to eat my asshole, finger me, and touch my clip at the same time.
Do the trifecta and you're going to finish me off.
And I demand it.
After?
After.
The guy comes?
Yeah.
Not a chance.
No, Not a chance in a hell.
I've never been turned down.
Wow.
I would run.
I'll call the police.
That's what I'm saying.
Meeting Your Heroes00:09:52
That's right.
She's raping me.
She's on all fours and she's backing up slowly.
No, no.
It doesn't matter.
Do it before.
Before.
Before I come.
If you do the trifecta, it's a 20-second job at most.
Yes, let's do it before.
Let's get you out of the way.
That's the goal.
Get you out of the way.
But then it's that same feeling where it's like, I've already come.
Now I just have to be like.
Yeah, but women, can't you come multiple times?
There's a period right after we come where it doesn't necessarily feel good.
A little sensitive, right?
Yeah.
Get over it.
You're going to squeeze a baby out of there.
High traffic area.
There you go.
The high traffic area.
High traffic area.
No, no.
But I feel like it's probably.
And again, you guys could not know what it is like to have an orgasm and then continue to do sexual stuff after that.
It's tricky, like for us.
But for you guys, yeah, there's that moment of sensitivity.
So I've heard, but then you can get back into it sometimes.
It's just harder for us.
I believe that.
Yeah.
Like, I would rather do everything for you.
Take a little time.
Chill.
Watch some euphoria.
Eat some Taco Bell.
Read a bee.
Yeah.
Get it back.
Taco Bell.
Just blowjobs and just burping in the middle of it.
That was my high school routine.
I don't know.
Where'd you grow up?
Skokie.
It's a suburb of Chicago.
Oh, Chicago.
And then when did you go to LA?
I dropped out of school out of college when I was 21 and moved there for stand-up.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
So you went through it.
What do you mean?
I mean, just you spent a decade in LA.
Yeah.
Yikes.
Yeah.
Chew you up a little bit?
I, you know, the saying, never meet your heroes.
Yeah.
I like to say that women in comedy say, never meet your heroes because they'll try to rape you.
Really?
Have they?
It's a joke.
We'll just leave it there.
No further questions.
Really?
But that is true, though, about the don't meet your hero shit.
Yeah.
And especially like, you don't have a lot of like friends or family in town.
Yeah, no.
When I moved to LA, I was 21.
I didn't know anybody.
And I showed up at the comedy store and I was 21, but looked 14.
And yeah, it was like, it wasn't like it was now.
And it's whatever.
Unsafe.
Probably.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, even if you're 21 and look 21.
Yeah, LA will chew you the fuck out.
Totally.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's, it's, and I've seen it happen, even New York, too.
Like, you see it happen.
Like, people go for these big dreams, and then they end up being like Pilates instructors and shit.
And it's like.
That's okay, too, though.
It is.
I love my Pilates instructor.
Yeah, what's wrong with Pilates?
She's very pretty.
There's nothing wrong with Pilates.
But you have big fucking dreams.
Totally.
You moved your whole family out there.
You could have done Pilates and Skokie.
Totally.
Yeah, no, I.
It's heartbreaking.
When I moved to LA, I was very, I was very delusional about how this industry worked.
Like, I literally thought, I'm going to move to LA.
I'm going to live there for one year.
And if I don't become as famous as Will Farrell by the end of the year, I'll just move home and work at Walgreens.
And then I realized that's not how it works.
And I just started doing stand-up.
Yeah.
Did you feel like, was there this tricky thing?
Like, especially with any job, you work in a restaurant, you're going to end up hooking up with the people that you work with, right?
You're not going to start to, but you don't want to necessarily rise up within the restaurant.
You're like, I'm going to work as a server, make money here so that I can go do my passion somewhere else.
But with stand-up, and I always wonder this with like female comics specifically, it's like you're working with these people non-stop.
You're spending so much time with your peers.
You start to probably, I imagine, like, get crushes on them.
Oh, totally.
Yeah.
I mean, coming up and don't you also worry, like, oh, God, if I hook up with this guy, is that going to make things awkward for me in the business?
Or the people, if it doesn't work out, are they going to hold it against me?
I never had that phase really because, you know, keep in mind, I was halfway through college when I came out here.
So I kind of came out to LA.
So I was kind of at that college age.
And I, of course, I was surrounded by guys.
And I had, like, I dated a couple comics.
They were my boyfriends, you know, for a couple years.
And, but it was, that's to me so healthy and normal.
It's not like, there's nothing wrong with that to me.
Yeah.
No, I think it is healthy and normal.
Yeah.
You just have the extra little bit on top, which is like, ugh, if this doesn't go well, could that person try to not get me spots at a certain club or like, yeah, that's scary, but that's, yeah.
But I dated nice people, so that didn't happen.
But yeah, that is totally, I think, a valid fear, especially when we learn like that Harvey Weinstein was like not only sexually assaulting women, but like going behind people's backs and saying like, don't cast her.
That's so scary.
Yeah.
That is something to weigh.
Yeah.
And you like tie it into your dream.
Like, I have so much empathy for those girls who like, they love acting.
They, their whole dream, their whole life is going, I just want to be in this movie and maybe win an Oscar.
And then it's right in front of you.
The guy who makes the movies that win the Oscar is going, hey, I'd like to put you in this movie and I want this other thing.
And if you don't, and you got to weigh your fucking dream.
Horrible.
That's terrifying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's terrifying.
Yeah.
I actually don't feel bad.
Like, it's weird.
Like, I don't question why a lot of them did it.
Like, I think most people would probably, yeah, make their morals a little bit malleable for their dream.
Yeah.
Right?
Do you find that that's specific to comedy?
Like with the whole don't meet your heroes thing, or is that just most industries and entertainment?
I, this is the only industry I'm in, so I don't know.
But I think, I mean, yeah, what do you think?
Is that in nursing school?
Should you not meet your heroes when you were there?
Fuck my nursing professor.
I'm kidding.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think that, you know, I circle the comedy scene.
I only do podcasts.
I don't do stand-up.
But from where I stand, you know, it's scary for cute little girls like you.
Thank you.
Do you have, like, would you say never meet your heroes?
Like, does that, does that relate to you?
I want to meet them, but oftentimes it is underwhelming, I think.
And like, they don't try to rape you, though.
They don't try to rape you.
That's good.
Thank God.
But like, no, in general, I think because we build up these people to be something that they're not, you know, it's oftentimes what happens like when your parents get old and you start to realize like they're humans.
Yeah.
And you're like, oh shit, like you suffer from like depression or bipolar.
Like you have all these real issues in your life.
And I just thought you were my mom and dad.
I thought nothing could possibly affect you.
And I think the same thing happens.
You meet your heroes.
Like, I mean, I was fortunate enough, like, the comic that I think is the greatest ever.
I like said hello a few times and then that's it.
So he's passed away, but it's like he never got to be mean to me.
He never got to shit all over me or one of my friends.
Like there was never this bad experience where it could really like taint.
Who was it?
Patrice.
Oh, cool.
You know, and like I've heard tons of crazy stories with Patrice specifically.
So like I'm kind of lucky that that didn't happen.
That is, that's special.
Yeah.
But yeah, just, I don't know, just meeting anybody in general, like, especially that you built up.
Totally.
Yeah.
It never, it's never, never really works out.
It's almost better to meet somebody that like you've heard from like on the periphery and then they blow you away and you're like, oh, that's why you're successful.
You know, like, I don't care about like Jeff Bezos or whatever.
I don't really care about, but it'd be nice to like meet him and then like have him kind of like analyze things and like say really interesting things.
And impress you.
And I'm like, oh, I get it.
You should be the richest person.
Yeah.
And I feel like, I feel like right now, like probably with a guy like Elon Musk, it's so built up.
Like he's got to be so smart.
Like if I have a conversation with him and he's, you know, he's not making a new microwave or something, like I'll be like, okay, yeah, I get it.
Yeah.
Isn't Jeff Bezos your celebrity crush?
A little bit.
Yeah.
I'm just very fascinated because his girlfriend, Lauren Sanchez, is like my hero because she's a woman in her 50s who broke up a billionaire's marriage.
And that's like something to live for and look forward to because I'm 33 and you know, like growing up, it's like, oh, and once you're in your 30s, you're like old news.
But like, this is a 50-year-old fucking bad bitch who got the richest man in the world to leave his wife for her.
100%.
That's a Cinderella story.
100%.
No, fire pussy.
And also something I think a lot of girls don't realize.
Like all these guys, they're sleeping with girls that are probably 25.
Wifing, not a chance.
And the smarter you are, the smarter the partner you're going to need to have is.
So there's no way these like, I mean, I don't know, maybe these Victoria Secret models are also smart and beautiful or whatever.
But like the reality is, what is Jeff Bezos going to talk to a 23-year-old girl that walks straight with wings?
Like, what could he possibly talk to her about?
That Lauren Sanchez girl, on some level, he's like, you spotted me, found a way to get to me, and got me.
You are as diabolical a business person as me.
You wanted to take over and you did it.
Yeah.
Like he can talk to her about deals and she can look at him and be like, motherfucker, I got you.
That's a bad idea.
Like, I don't know.
For me, I look at that and I'm like, that's fire.
That's great.
Totally.
I think that's what guys, especially at that age, want.
They want, we want a partner.
We want to share something with.
We want to have like, like, even with his last wife, you know, we make fun of her and all that other stuff.
But, like, they started that business together.
Red Panda Stock Club00:03:04
He'll get all the credit.
But, like, they did start together.
Yeah.
They're having conversations about how to build that thing together.
Yeah.
You think he wants to go from that to some fucking 25-year-old that has no ideas about anything?
And she's like taking like selfies and shit.
Yeah, that sounds like hell.
It is.
Yeah.
And that's something that women don't understand about men.
Thank you for teaching.
Yeah, we enjoy personality and intelligence too.
Thank you.
Thank you for teaching us that we don't have a shelf life.
You do.
I didn't say that.
If you're five, six, and bald, you'll go for a lot of girls.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If he still had his full head of hair, he's going to be banging those Victoria Cool.
He's Leo all of a sudden.
He's fucking Leo.
I always wonder when someone is that rich, do they ever just, I mean, is that the look he's going for?
Is he ever like, I have so much money, I could put extra hair on my head.
Yeah.
But it's just refusing to.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second.
Now, I mean, this is even foul to say, but it is the reality.
There's going to be a lot of people making money off of war or almost war or not war.
But people are scared, okay?
The markets are adjusting.
Everybody's trying to figure out where they can make that extra buck in times of chaos.
What did Littlefinger say?
Chaos is a ladder?
Well, it can be a ladder for you to make even more goddamn money, but you need somebody with some experience.
You need someone with some experience.
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Now, let's get back to the show.
Bobby's Baldness Issues00:06:16
I think he's like baked into baldness.
I think if it was like, I think like Elon started to lose his hair and then got plugs and he's like, I'm going to ride this shit out.
Because now it's a choice.
You guys know this.
Right.
Like you just get on the Propecia and it stops it from going away.
Yes.
And I know a lot of girls have been saying this, but I am not allowing balding in my life anymore.
I think that there are a lot of options for men.
I think that us girls do so much upkeep, our nails, this and that.
You can do a little bit too.
Cough up the 10 grand for hair plus.
I have a different take on this, which is that I think that it's such a power move for Jeff Bezos to look exactly how he looks and to not give a fuck.
It's like, like, I just think that's hotter.
It's like, why?
Because to me, and I get it, we do a lot of, well, you do, I don't do that much upkeep.
I need a bikini wax.
But like, I think that it's hot when a man is like, this is just what I am.
And they're like, okay, that's confident as fuck.
You're right, but that only applies to Carlos.
Oh, Carlos.
Take your hat off.
Let's see it.
Modest Yahoo, dude.
Let's go.
Wow.
No, you need hair, bro.
Because it's objectively more handsome with the hat on.
I think the opposite.
No, he's a handsome guy.
And you look like you have this full head of like Bradley Cooper hair when you have the hat on.
I think full bald you could pull off, though.
Yeah, you could pull off full bald.
Because you have to have Jason Statham, like shave it down.
But this middle thing where you're like a scientist.
We love that.
There's no way, dude.
Don't listen to this.
These are toxic women, bro.
These are toxic fucking women.
They're going to make sure that you can't leave them.
That's what they want to do.
They want security and their security is you not leaving them.
If another girl enters your life that you're going to love and lust over, you're not going to be answering their text at two in the fucking morning.
Want to keep you bust it 100%, dude.
100% this is the way that they're asserting their dominance over you.
Keep you undesirable so you don't leave them for you.
Come to the Flavor 2 podcast.
We're going to glow you up.
Bro, we got you.
So we're going to blow up, dude.
100%.
I've been under the impression that I'm like cool looking.
Fuck you both for this.
This is disgusting.
You know what we tell him?
You're gaslighting him.
This is gaslighting.
We tell him, it's like, Carlos, this is the big dick energy look.
Oh, shh.
With this big dick energy.
Who does she date?
No, they don't care.
Big dick energy.
They don't care about this.
This is security.
That's your thing.
You need security.
You know what?
You might be correct.
I think you give Bobby the drugs.
I give Bobby the drugs.
I think you give Bobby the drugs.
Every time he starts to build up that self-esteem, it's like, let's go blow a line.
Let's have some fun.
I think you might be enabling it.
And I need to find out who your fiancé is.
I need to see what's going on over here.
I think we're getting some real issues.
You think Munchausen?
I think they might have it.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah.
I'm very familiar with Munchausen.
What is that?
Is that Dairy, bro?
What is that?
It's a double cheese.
Have you never heard of Gypsy?
Yeah.
Mommy Deerus.
Mommy Deer.
No.
Mommy Dead and is something like that?
Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
Mommy Dead and Deerus or something.
Yeah, Mommy Dead and Deer.
That's what it is.
It's basically this girl who was made to believe she was sick her whole life by her mother, right?
So you're saying.
The Eminem thing.
Right, right.
Munchausen.
Yeah, by proxy.
The Eminem thing?
Eminem had that, I guess.
His mom was always saying he was sick and that kind of stuff.
There was a popular Hulu show where they did a story about it.
It's like the mom told everyone that the girl had cancer and she believed it.
Yeah.
Yeah, she killed her mom.
She did kill her mother.
That's right.
What?
Her boyfriend helped out.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a ride or diverse.
Yeah, that's fire.
I never made it to the last episode.
Yeah, the last episode, it gets wild.
She's just standing over her mom's dead body, like, you're not dead.
Get up.
Yeah, what are you talking about?
This is total munchie on this.
Dude, I'm telling you, bro, you got to shave that hair immediately.
The guy's got a great smile.
He's a handsome guy.
Don't do it.
He could be Bezos tomorrow.
He literally could be.
Can we shave it on the pod?
I think Bad Friends already wants to give me a haircut.
Oh, dang.
Okay, we're not going to compete.
I don't really care that much, but I do think that you will go up literally two points minimum by just shaving your head.
I'll tell you this.
I was married with a shape that now post-marriage, COVID, everything.
I just let it go.
Yeah, I know.
So I was like, maybe if I shave it, I'll get married again.
How tall are you?
5'7.
5'7.
You need to shave it.
You can't be 5'7 and look like the bad guy from Sonic.
You need to be literally.
He's not on the pod.
He's a nice guy.
He says he's a nice guy.
He's got a blade.
I'm telling you, he's gonna be some fucking nice thing.
And these girls are bullying him.
You're like abusive to him.
You're abusing him.
Yeah.
You saw Mommy Deerus.
What happens when you push your Munchausen child too far?
It might.
Yep.
Take out the trash.
So we're going to do it.
We're going to shave that down.
Glow you the fuck up.
I think I got it.
Yeah.
5'7.
You got to be fucking clean.
Clean.
It's the same thing.
5'7, or like fat guys, they got to be clean, smelling good, looking good, everything on point.
And then people look at you like, yo, what the fuck?
Is he a producer?
That's the LA thing.
It's like, you just look a little mysterious, and they're like, I think he's a producer.
What's funny is I already am one around LA, but like, you know, no one's giving me fucking attention or anything.
You're going to get all the attention, dude.
Oh, I can't wait.
Huh?
What?
With your hair like that?
Just the hair like this in sunglasses.
It's a little like, you know, like kids aren't like running out right now.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably a good sign, though.
Yeah.
You don't really want kids running.
Yeah, I don't know what's going on right now.
But we're going to save you.
Okay, Carlos?
Yeah.
You're going to be Bezos.
We're going to get you a Lauren Sanchez.
That's the goal.
Speaking of which, do you think she has ever had an orgasm with Bezos?
Yeah.
Do you think he lays it down?
Richest man in the world?
100%.
Richest man of the world.
Why?
UFC Fighter Aesthetics00:03:08
Let me think.
Why would he lay it down?
He's the richest man in the world.
But he still wants to satisfy his woman.
Yeah.
All guys want to satisfy them.
I think that he probably wouldn't care about making a 25-year-old come.
But she would demand it.
Yeah.
Why?
Do you think he comes fast?
Yeah, he looks like a rapid comer.
Efficient same day?
Yeah.
Too pumped chopped.
Okay, before you guys go, because I know you guys have a very busy schedule.
We didn't even get to the swimming.
I feel sad about it.
I just want to get to the swimming.
Do you think, do you think this trans athlete?
Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
No, no.
Do you find it interesting that guys all of a sudden are really invested in women's sports now that trans athletes are competing?
Were they not invested before?
Because I think that women's MMA is probably the most exciting.
Like when I watch an MMA card, I always think the women fights are so much better sometimes.
As far as I know, outside of one, there isn't a trans woman fighting in the MMA besides that one.
The UFC has done an unbelievable job of getting people to be interested in women's fighting.
And nobody's been able to do that before.
Outside of like maybe WWE, and obviously that's rigged.
The UFC has done that or the fact that these female fighters are just fucking amazing.
I think it's the UFC.
Okay.
Because I'm not really paying attention to like other female fights that exist outside of the UFC.
Okay.
Right?
Like there's like boxing superstars.
Right.
Female boxing, women's boxing has never been like that great.
And I think that the UFC is like an amazing marketing model and they can get us interested in these people.
Like they can get us interested in fighters that are kind of like journeymen and they can make them superstars.
Whereas with boxing, you got to be like Mayweather, never lost.
Okay, we're going to lock in.
And that being said, it's like a brilliant idea because you're missing out on 50% of the population.
Like I'm sure you guys know from podcasts, and like you probably have a lot of female listeners, right?
Yeah.
Having female listeners is super valuable.
Right?
There's all these pods, probably a majority guys listening.
And I bet if I'm an advertiser, I'm like, how do I get girls?
Like, oh my God, there's a girl podcast where girls are actually listening that's not about like serial killer shows or like unsolved crimes or something like that like that's massive how do I tap into that yeah we have we actually have like 50 50 men yeah women for our audience really really started heavy with the men because you're coming over from male podcasts male podcasts yeah so we actually had to build a female audience but but But it's happening faster than we thought it would,
which is like, you know, we're really happy about.
Because there's so few.
Yeah, and we have a lot of couples too, like at shows.
It's usually like couples, which is fun.
It's cute.
Date night.
Are you giving like advice to them?
No.
Laughing At Discomfort00:08:07
No.
We're just spilling like our deepest, darkest, horrible things about us.
We're just like ourselves.
And I think that's what people relate to because we get a lot of messages that are like, you've like helped me with self-acceptance.
And I'm like, well, what do you mean by that?
Like, it's like, because we're so accepting of how fucked up we are.
Yeah, I feel like that's the most effective way to make change.
Like, once people take on the responsibility of like, I am your leader, and this is how you must live your life.
Obviously, it's effective.
You can create a cult, but like, it's way more, it's way better to just do it.
And then people go, oh, they're themselves.
I guess I can be myself.
Yeah.
And I think about it also, like, at least for me.
And I, you know, there's this idea that, well, I'll just put it out there.
Like, a lot of bad things happened to me.
Like, I was very sexually traumatized and abused.
And, you know, but I never like we're able to laugh about it, surprisingly.
Just the three of us.
We're able to just like cry laugh about our rapes.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And make digs at each other about being molested or like miscarriages, abortions.
Like we just joke about that stuff because we're not victims, word-word.
Right.
Yeah.
You've all been raped?
Esther, except Esther.
Well, I don't know.
I don't know.
But Annie Letterman and I definitely, like, we've been, yeah.
Like, even my face is like, I'm so like shocked.
Does that make you feel uncomfortable?
No, saying it out loud.
Yeah.
No, not at all.
Like, that has nothing to do with me.
Like, that happened.
That's something that happened to me.
It is not me.
It's just something that happened when I was younger and a lot.
Yeah.
I grew up in the Philippines.
I had weird, you know, uncles and family members.
Family members and things like that.
Really?
Yeah.
So, but, you know, it's like, I've been therapized a lot over the years.
So I'm able to talk about it in just now.
And we are not like the kinds of people, we don't want to like hide in shame about things because that makes it, it always makes it worse.
And it always feels so much better.
Like when I had a miscarriage, I had to have an abortion last summer.
And the whole time I was texting with her, because she's had like 100 abortions.
And so she's like, I shouldn't laugh about that so hard.
I'm so sorry if you guys are sensitive about that stuff.
Wait, why?
Why?
Yeah, but I've definitely.
You had 100.
Not 100.
No, she's had a couple.
But I have a couple, yeah.
So it's like, oh, I know myself.
With Bobby?
With Bobby, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Two with Bobby.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Your decision, his decision?
Yeah, we were a month into dating when I got pregnant.
I was on the pill and I got pregnant.
Wow.
And I wasn't taking it at the same time every day.
And we were just like, wait, we barely fucking know each other.
And so I'm like, no, I can't do this.
I'm sorry.
And then the other one.
And the other one, I had just gotten out of heart surgery.
I had an ablation done.
And again, I was on the pill.
What's in an ablation?
They burn off abnormal tissue because my heart was, the electrical conductivity of my heart was improper.
So it would beat like 250 beats a minute while I was like sleeping.
Whoa.
So it felt like a heart attack.
So they had to burn off the tissue in there.
But I got pregnant after that.
And I was like, oh, fuck.
That's gnarly.
You didn't go to the doctor while you were under?
Never mind.
Wait, there's a movie about that.
What?
The doctor what?
Came inside you.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my lord.
That's how you get it.
Yeah, that's kill Bill.
Oh, it is?
Wasn't it in Killbook?
Wasn't that happening to him in the middle of the moment?
It was a movie called Talk to Her, where I know the nerve.
Her joke was so much more fucked up than my joke.
I stopped myself from saying a joke because I was like, this is maybe a little incensive.
She's like, I had an ablation and I had all these like beats.
And I was like, that's weird that ablation would be like off-rhythm.
You think it would make black and Asian.
Okay, guys.
Yeah, that's 10-7-Esther.
10-7-Esther.
Esther won that rhythm.
Do you think you're getting come to by your doctor during the coming?
No, if that was the case, you would have kept it.
Right.
Right.
My mom cares about tall genes.
That's what I'm saying.
You're a Filipino.
Like, your parents would be like, a doctor?
What are you doing?
Not that comic.
Yeah.
You're actually awake?
You're just like, what?
Okay.
So, so you had these fucked up things.
Yes.
You feel comfortable talking about them, not because you're ignoring them.
You think that you've went through and processed them enough where you can discuss them.
Correct.
It doesn't happen for everybody.
Right.
It's, you know, I am just one person who has okay with it now.
I can live with it and I don't have too many sexual, like, like, I don't have any weird hang-ups about sex with men, given that I've been assaulted a lot.
But do you, because you would always see this, like when we grew up watching Howard Stern, like the, you know, they would always say a thing like, oh, you know, if you're a stripper, you don't have a relationship with your dad or you've been touched or something like that.
Did it warp sex for you?
A thousand percent.
How so?
I was hypersexual because I was, you know, diddled when I was young and it, I didn't know what sex was.
Sorry.
Oh, no.
I'm sorry.
That's not the joke, Andrew.
You can't laugh at that.
Calling it that.
Go hard.
You're hard.
Why is that function laughing?
I love this.
Al, you're crazy.
Why is that funny?
You're crazy.
No, I want to say something, though, that I relate to.
Al, you're fucking crazy.
When I'm uncomfortable, that's when I laugh the hardest.
Like my grandfather's funeral.
I literally laughed harder.
Bro, you guys are the same.
Just like submissive, crying.
Yeah, chillin', dude.
Yeah.
Totally.
Okay.
Yeah, that is so true.
It's how we process discomfort.
Yes.
I will laugh harder at those things than anything else.
And I'm like, I'm obviously not, don't think it's funny.
My grandfather died, but I'm laughing.
Because everybody here is so serious.
Yeah.
And that tension is crazy.
Yeah.
Okay.
You just using the word diddle for you.
I've never seen that happen.
Like, I've heard.
Ow.
Why are you putting it on me, bro?
He laughs and just winks at me.
You're making me laugh.
I've heard people be like, oh, that person was diddled.
I never heard somebody be like, I was diddled up.
Yeah.
I was diddled the fuck up.
Revolutionary.
Bro, this is her trauma.
Don't laugh.
Don't laugh.
What's wrong with you?
Don't put it on your heel.
Hold on.
I promise you their face is looking at you laughing at them.
Yeah.
Jesus.
No, you honestly.
I'll just laugh.
Don't laugh.
Don't laugh.
You can say it however you're going to be able to do it.
I don't like it when people get serious when I talk about it.
It makes me uncomfortable.
So I'm so glad you're laughing.
Don't laugh, Andrew.
She's being serious.
She's a big drama.
Ow, you need to chill.
Okay, just let's start over.
I'm not laughing.
Say your little ditty, and then you just can't laugh.
No, Andrew.
I'm going to make it like this.
It sounds to you like a funeral, and you're laughing hysterically.
That's what I think is happening here.
The dill story is the funeral.
Don't.
And Stop.
Wow.
Wow.
You're leaning into the frame, Al.
So I could see you laughing.
I'm sorry, Bob.
I'm sorry.
Chill the fuck up.
No, no, she's not.
I'm sorry.
Okay, go, go, go.
I'm sorry.
That's it.
I got diddled.
I know.
The story's over.
The story is over.
Okay.
But you're also saying the way that you process it.
Yeah, I started therapy at 14.
Therapy And Stigma00:15:04
And, but no, I guess what the real question was: like, you were oversexual or you removed any of the stigma of sex.
No, I was hypersexual after.
Okay.
So here's my curiosity.
Are you and other people in your situation more sexual, meaning like you're more horny, or does sex not mean as much as a coping mechanism for the awful thing that you went through?
So here's what I treated sex as never a pleasure thing for me in my 20s and early years.
It was more of a way to get what I wanted or to kind of feel like it was my relationship with sex was very dysfunctional when I was younger.
It had nothing to do with pleasure.
It had everything to do with, oh, a boy deems me worthy enough and maybe I can have a warm body next to me for whatever, three minutes, whatever.
So it was very warped.
You're correct.
What happened though in my 30s is that my libido just evaporated.
Like it was as if I had like fucked to death.
Like I was just like, it was dead.
Like I fucked my libido to death.
And I think that when I started to process those things, truly, I didn't want to have sex anymore because I then realized that I was doing it all wrong.
Yeah, So I had to kind of reframe it and say, wait, this is a thing for me.
That's why I demand it at the end now.
Where I'm like, you cannot come.
You don't come unless I come.
That's the rule now.
So now it's a pleasure thing.
It's not anything else but that.
And then did the appetite go up?
Yes.
Back to the level it was before?
The level it was before was unhealthy.
It was, I was very promiscuous.
So that's my curiosity is, I think, what often, this is just my assumption.
If I went through something horribly traumatic that was in like the sexual realm, my way of processing it would probably go, I'm going to remove the societal value of sex so I can remove how horrible that experience was.
For some girls, it's that way.
Right.
I think that they go that direction and other girls do, you know.
And if sex isn't deemed as like a potentially naughty thing for girls, you would have the sexual appetite of a dude.
Like if you look at gay guys, they're just sucking each other's cocks at the gym.
It's just not a big deal.
Like there's no stigma attached.
Stigma kind of keeps your sex drive at bay.
We always have to, there are so many checks that we have to kind of go through.
There's so many implications.
You know, men don't have that attached.
It's like you can just stick your dick in and call it a day.
For us, it's like, there are just too many implications for being with a man, or at least that's what I thought of now.
When I took that out, then you could.
Then it's like pure potential.
Floodgates.
Yep.
Then I could be a shoemaker.
You know what I mean?
I just want to clarify: I was not diddled, but I also have the same rule as Kalila that if you come, I also have to come.
Hold on one second.
Al.
She said diddled.
Get the fucking camera off of me.
Miles.
Miles, take control of the camera, please.
Al, you're not.
This guy is crazy.
You can't say diddled.
You can't say diddled on this podcast.
I have a question.
Have you been in a thruple?
I was told that.
I have been.
I lived with two men.
How?
Wait, you lived with them?
Yeah, my last relationship before Bobby was with two men.
I heard this is fascinating.
Like, how did it work?
Like, how did the guys not have any ego?
Oh, they did.
One guy would be crying in a corner because he came and now he has to watch the other guy.
Hell yeah.
So in the beginning, it was very testy, but I think that ultimately it was one of those situations where I just can't believe guys.
Like, do I know these guys?
No.
One was a very cute math teacher and the other is a pediatric nurse.
You don't know them.
That makes sense.
Yo, that is some loser shit.
Which one was crying the most?
Which one was crying the most?
Be honest.
No, I'm joking.
No one was crying.
I think that, you know, like.
You share?
Yeah, I know.
I heard.
No way.
Look if the girl is that special.
Yes, obviously.
Obviously, very special.
Okay.
Yeah.
You don't think she can handle two guys?
I can from hearing the story.
To be fair, it was fucking exhausting from the emotional end of it because we shared a home.
We shared a life.
We traveled together.
The sex part was just a tiny thing in that relationship because you still have to have a relationship with these people.
And that's two people's emotions you're taking care of.
Did you start with one?
I started with one.
So this is hard to get a lot of people.
I want to keep asking this question an hour in, Al.
Let's see how it developed.
Go ahead.
Yeah, this is.
I was with one for about two and a half years.
I met the other person.
He became a friend of the both of us.
One day it turned into a, hey, you know, let's see if, you know, we could just have.
I asked.
I asked him.
I was like, would you be down if he like joined?
Was he in the room?
He was, he had spent the night.
He was in the shower.
And we were having Sunday morning sex.
And I remember just saying, like, I was a little manipulative in the sense that he was already inside me when I asked.
A little.
You know, I didn't ask beforehand.
He was a crier.
Carlos is going to bank on this.
Pay attention.
Pay attention to what's going on right now.
Wait, that's so smart.
I've never asked for something when they were inside.
Yeah, you did.
To not come.
This is crazy.
So he's inside you.
You go.
Yeah.
You say, what if we asked Fred?
What's the guy's name?
Fred.
Fred.
To have sex with us.
Right.
And then he thought that that was a good idea?
Probably not.
Like, but he had cumbrain.
You got to ask what you want for when a guy has cumbrain.
No.
He didn't question the last two and a half years of your relationship.
No.
No.
So that's where it started.
Wow.
You guys are dumb when you have cum in your brain.
No, we're smart.
No.
I would have pulled out and covered you with it and then said, hey, come on in, Fred, do your thing.
Mop up.
That is crazy.
But then it kind of.
How did you ask?
Did he know that you kind of had a crush on him?
Did you guys discuss that at all?
No, I knew that that guy thought I was attractive.
I just know, I mean, it's like he was a friend of all of ours, but it's like, I was a little cocky in the sense.
I'm like, he's not going to turn this down.
I don't know why I thought that.
I just thought that.
And from there, it became this sort of, yeah, this friendship.
And I lived with you guys.
And I broke up with him at the same time.
And how the fuck did he agree to this?
Can we call him?
He.
We have a joke on our show that every time Kalila calls an ex, they answer like they were sitting by the phone waiting for her to call.
Hello, princess.
Yeah, but it really wasn't as big of a deal as you would think.
It was very, you know, it was a regular, it felt regular for me.
Nah, that's how a dom is, bro.
That's how that's how the guy right there.
Nah, yeah.
That man is broken.
But are you the kind of guy that, like, really bothers you?
Yes, whatever the question you're asking is, you're asking it as if you don't know the answer already.
No, you're the kind of guy that like, is upset when other guys come in your girl.
Or are you the kind of guy that like, it really bothers you knowing the previous partners of the woman you're with?
Are you, I don't even, I don't even know they exist.
Nobody has come before me, so you can so, but that's so, that's.
That's a good answer.
If that's true, that you're like, you can just block it out and don't give a because you have to know.
No no I I, I want to know nothing really that's, I think that's.
Don't tell me anything.
That's great.
You and me, we start this thing and I don't care what happened before me.
I don't care what happened, because while the things that happened in your life before not just like partners you've been with, but like the things that have happened you're like, i'm not judging you for any of those things we start now, those things are going to inform your behavior in our relationship and when that kind of stuff comes up, tell me so I understand what i'm dealing with.
But i'm giving you clean slate.
I don't want to enter this relationship with you and then like, have all these preconceived notions because of what you've been with.
Let me accept you for you and let's build some.
And then when you see my up stuff and then I tell you hey, this is probably why I do that, then you go, okay, I understand that, that's fine, that's not about me, that's your thing.
But let me learn, don't give me all the messed up things that you've got going on, and then i'm gonna be looking for those things every time we're in a fight.
Oh, you're just doing this, because what about if i'm gathering intel and i'm asking and i'm prodding and i'm prying into your life?
Hey, who did you date here at what time?
You're not telling me anything.
Nope wow, I dated them all.
You don't want to go here.
Yeah, that's role playing.
This is bad.
Yeah no, but yeah, it's bad.
Nothing but harm comes from this.
Yeah I, I think you're actually harm.
Like, stop asking questions.
And as a man, I think we have to know which questions you don't really want to know the answer to.
Oof, that's delicate, damn.
It's delicate that.
Who did you?
Yeah, who of these people did you?
I don't, I didn't anybody.
I'm a virgin.
I them all or I none of them?
Yeah, and simple as that.
And you don't want to know because you want to know, like like, we want to have dessert.
Afterwards you're going to feel shitty that you did it and that's, it's the same exact thing.
So I gotta go, we're not having dessert.
I could not relate to this more.
I ordered rice pudding to my room last night and I don't feel good, but during it felt pretty damn good.
It was unit, was phenomenal.
Yeah yeah, but yeah no, don't ask those questions.
Do not ask them questions.
How many guys have you slept with?
How many girls have you slept with like, like that, my wife?
I was like, i'm not.
I'm not telling you you would never live with two women that you like.
That's not a thing that any man thinks.
Kalila, live with two women, live with two women, have sex with two women be in a thruple.
Look at, look at the, look at the, the people on the planet that do that.
Culturally, they blow themselves up.
Mormons and Mormons don't really do that.
Mormons don't really do that.
They did.
Sister wives is a literal Mormon term, but they don't do it.
There's like one of them that does it.
No, they did.
There's like freak little communities.
Like 100 years they did it.
Say again, for 100 years.
You don't know that mark, I do.
You don't know, I do.
You don't know, I do.
Maybe i'm just a Mormon woman.
No no, no.
And in all seriousness, I could, I would never want that.
I don't think any guy wants that because, like you said, the majority of the relationship is managing the emotions.
That's hard enough to do with one person, right.
Imagine adding on another another, another.
You're gonna have to.
I don't want to disappoint my wife or my partner.
I feel horrible when I do it.
Imagine disappointing four of them.
Yeah, And I think that when people think about a threpo, they immediately just like go into like, oh, what was it sexually?
That's all they think about is like the sexual nature of a relationship.
And it's not that.
That's only like 5% of it.
What is it?
Just more bags?
Yeah.
Split ran three ways, though.
It's a little better.
Get a roommate that doesn't fuck you.
Wait, where do you sleep with a threpo?
Do all three people sleep in the same bed?
No, I had one.
The original boyfriend was who I slept with, and the other guy had his own room.
But occasionally, like post-sex, they would make me sleep together in the same bed.
And did they ever touch each other?
Never.
I wanted them to so badly.
Why?
I don't know.
I just, you know, was one of them bigger than?
Oh.
Wasn't one of them bigger dick?
One of them was a black guy.
What does that mean?
So he was well-endowed.
Was that the guy that he started with or the name?
Started with the black guy.
I was with him for like five years.
Yeah.
And then the second guy was.
He also had a good size dick, but he's a Filipino and yeah, Filipino.
Good size for Filipino or good size?
Good size.
Just good size.
Husband dick.
What does that mean?
Like, you've got to be a bigger daddy.
Husband dick is the dick that is neither too big nor too small.
You can just have every day and consume.
Goldilocks.
Yeah.
Happily.
Yes.
Okay.
That's good for everyday use.
Yeah.
Everyday use.
Okay.
The black guy was the guy that you were dating originally.
He's probably more comfortable having a smaller dick being brought into the relationship.
Yeah, it was racist that he said yes in the first place.
Yeah, because he's like, I'm not intimidated by that little dick you bring around.
If the guy's dick was bigger, forget it.
No way in hell.
Dick size.
The reason why it's important is because you girls don't understand the volume of your pussies.
Right now, you girls are sitting here and you're both in your head going, I got the tightest pussy.
Because you haven't heard anybody tell you that your pussy wasn't tight in your whole life.
We say your pussy's tight because it's a reflection of our dicks.
Right.
When we're going, oh, your pussy's so tight, we're really going, oh, my dick's so big.
Right?
So, so you're tied into, like, your tightness is tied into our ego, right?
So every girl thinks they have the same size pussy and it's the tightest because every girl's been told they have the tightest pussy.
When you're at the gym, you're not peeking into each other's pussies, right?
So you have no clue.
Everything's internal.
Guys, when we're like fucking peeing at the airport, you might walk and then there's a guy and he's holding his shit.
You're like, yeah, that's the best.
What country is he from?
Are you saying more like because you're so exposed to other men's penises that it's on your mind more?
Okay.
You just see it.
And it's like, it's just naturally, you're just naturally competitive because it's in, it's, you see it.
You see it and it's important.
You don't see internally what's going on in there.
Like there are pussies that are like tight and then they open up on the inside.
But I guess what I was trying to get to is like dick size.
You've never seen a little rugby football.
You can be a better lover.
Yeah.
You know, and it with like the guy with the not as big dick could have been.
No, no, I want you to keep saying this lie.
This is adorable.
Keep going.
Are you serious?
It's the motion of the ocean.
It's not.
I am not saying what it is.
I'm just saying like there's, it's not that.
That's not the end all be all because no, it's really not.
No, that's been like the worst sex of my life.
Like the bigger dicks I've had.
But you're like a tiny thing.
That's true.
You know?
Thank you.
So that's the thing.
So you probably don't need as much.
Totally fair.
But a bigger girl, she's going to need to get filled.
The fuck, huh?
Let's go.
Right?
Let's go.
Right?
Let's go.
That's at the fuck up.
Right?
She's going to need some fucking Campbell soup.
You know?
Chunky, maybe.
Forced Hetero Matches00:14:24
Right?
So your idea of what it is is going to be different.
And your idea of like vagina size is going to be different.
Yeah, I have no concept of vagina size because I don't care.
I only have one to be concerned with.
Well, we also have that, but you haven't been told anything to concern you.
Like, no guy's in there like the fuck.
Yes.
But there are girls who have different sized pussies.
That's a fact.
Also, by the way, girls don't walk around thinking we have the tightest pussy.
Yeah.
I have given myself a very fair assessment.
I think.
I'm not like, oh, God.
You know, I don't think I have the grippiest pussy.
I think I have strength.
Like, my kegels are real strong, and I know how to time it with the undulation of a man.
What does that mean?
When he thrusts in and out, you time when you squeeze, right?
You squeeze and suck.
It's a timing thing.
If you're just constantly doing this, there's strategy involved.
But I don't think that I have the tightest pussy in the world.
No, I think I just know how to do it.
And that's how I feel that men should also look at it because there's no, I also, but I'm very anti-body shaming.
Like, I don't, like, I just don't see a reason to talk about like dick size and like better or worse because I've had sex with different sizes and different people.
And like, it's not, there's not a correlation to the good time that I had.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
If the motion was good, is there a size that you would like the ocean to be?
I husband dick.
Husband dick.
Husband dick is where it's at.
Yeah.
And that might be different for everyone, but husband dick is really the goal.
You might be husband dick for your wife.
I hope so.
I hope she can handle a little alpha brain.
Okay.
Before we leave, anything else that we need to share with the people, guys?
Al, do you have any more brilliant questions that you should have asked an hour in?
Yeah.
Okay, go.
Did you have sex with your brother?
Oh, God.
I possibly, but I did have sex with my stepbrother.
He has since passed away.
He killed himself.
R.I.P. He was a very sweet boy.
I had sex with a boy who I was told after I had sex with him that he could potentially be my brother.
He does look like me.
We're never going to do the DNA test because I don't think I'd be able to handle that.
Got it.
But there are whispers in the family because our families are very close.
Whoa.
And we sort of grew up together.
So a lot of Filipinos are related, though.
Back to the original point.
Thank you.
That you said.
So I don't want to know.
And this is like you met as adults, or this was during like a child thing.
No, we grew up together.
His dad, my dad, and his grandpa were best friends in the Philippines.
I don't know what they were doing in the 70s, if they were swapping partners, but somehow I have a family friend who looks exactly like me.
And I had sex with him when I was 19 for a whole year.
And then only later to find out through his grandma, she was like, wait, like, you know, there could be a chance.
All the while, everyone's like, you guys look like each other.
And we're like, yeah, that's what happens when people date.
They end up looking like each other, but we really do look like each other.
I really want to see what's going on.
And I know.
And worst of all is that, like, there was something about him, even though I found him attractive.
You know, they say, like, you are repulsed by your own DNA.
It was not a pheromone match.
I remember feeling like I didn't like the way he smelled.
I didn't like the way a lot of things about him.
But I like the way.
Is it a third world thing, though?
I don't know.
Wait, pheromone?
Is there a third world thing?
No, the way he smelled.
Like, was there like a physical pressure?
He was born and raised.
He was, he was.
No.
That's crazy.
Everyone from the Philippines stinks.
Shitting hole in this to say that.
I don't know exactly how you're being raised.
We have indoor plumbing.
Depends where.
It's a metropolis.
Yeah, Manila is one of the biggest cities in the Western world, Andrew.
Have you ever smelled a girl's breath and either been super attracted to it or super unattracted to it?
Yeah.
That's like what we're kind of.
Yeah.
But that's mostly if they've cleaned their mouth.
Or it's just not your biological match.
Don't you ever breath.
Yeah, I think that's a little bit more.
Like the body odor, I think, is a little bit more.
So do you like some women's body odor and some you don't?
I don't want to say like, but like it's more tolerable.
It's like see, I've dated guys who literally will put their nose and just take the biggest whiff because they're, it's a pheromone match.
Yeah, I get that.
You want to go?
No, not on you.
I'm sure it's flowers or daisies or whatever.
Have you spoken to him since?
Yeah.
Okay, another question.
I've always wondered this.
Was it like a Lego?
Oh, there's it.
There's husband dick and then there's brother dick.
Brother Dick might be.
Is it like exactly the amount?
Like, did you guys lock in and go, oh, fuck.
Like, avatar.
Yeah.
Honestly, he did kind of fuck like me.
He did fuck like you.
Yeah, a little bit.
In what way?
And I didn't like it.
He just like, there was the clashing of energies there.
It like it wasn't because it wasn't a biological match.
And I remember like, yeah, getting the feminine the jingies after.
Did he also get on all fours after until you don't?
Yes.
Okay.
Any more hard-hitting questions from that?
Have you two ever hooked up?
Because isn't it an ongoing thing that you are going to slip together one day?
We have not hooked up, but I am attracted to Kalila.
Ah, okay.
So that's.
Have you ever hooked up with a girl before?
Um, no comment.
Oh, really?
Yeah, no comment.
I got super hetero vibes from you.
Like, never would hook up with a girl.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
Everyone else gets the opposite vibe from her.
Yeah, I get like.
No, I get that too, though.
Like, I get that from, I get that too.
She has Khila's name tattooed on her own.
Yeah, but like, I could see you.
This is, again, I don't know.
I could see you finding her beautiful and like objectively attractive and very comfortable to be around.
Totally.
But when it comes to actually, like, I am turned on and I want to have sex with this person, I don't see it.
Why not?
You're just, you're just a fucking hetero, dude.
So you don't snail trail for me after all?
No, dude.
I would take my.
It doesn't drip, dude.
It doesn't matter if you're what your take is.
So I'll just say that.
Maybe you're like holding on to this identity that you're like a little half-dyke, but you know what?
I don't think.
I don't think, dude.
My parents don't like your take, so I'll go with this tape.
Dry.
It's so funny you guys have that because Andrew and Dove have the same running joke.
What?
Yeah.
That eventually they're going to smash.
100%.
Oh, then maybe you're projecting onto me that yours is a joke.
We're the same fucking person, Esther.
We've been saying this the whole podcast.
Maybe we just acknowledge that.
Yeah, maybe we need to have a side combo about how we really feel about the person sitting next to us.
About something that you're trying to swipe people around us into the world.
You and I.
But the slightly more tan than us people that we're attracted to.
We'll privately talk and see how we really feel.
No.
Am I crazy off to say that in terms of like you finding and appreciating someone's beauty, but then actually going, I want to like scissor that person?
I don't.
I felt it from her.
What?
But the thing.
I see it as almost like a motherly thing.
Oh, that makes me feel great.
I totally hear what you're saying.
You know what?
I fucked my brother.
Why not fuck my child?
That's a good point.
I think we've got the start of the pot.
Okay, do you have any sexual attraction to women?
I have been with women.
But because like sex didn't really mean anything.
I would probably lean a lot more hetero.
I'm kind of a straight bitch in that way.
I really love penis.
Yeah.
And I can be with a woman.
I'm not into pussy.
And I have tried.
I have really tried to, you know, to be there like during three.
I can't do it.
Yeah.
It's not what I'm into.
I don't see either of you as even half.
Very hetero energy from both of you.
That's very interesting.
I have trauma around, you're making me realize I have trauma around being ashamed of being gay when I was in elementary school because I experimented with other little girls, which I've learned is child on child sexual abuse.
So I wonder why, am I, I wonder if there's something subconsciously in me that's trying to be heteroseming.
And that's what you're picking up on, but I might just be making that up.
I don't know.
But I just don't want to discount your take, but I just disagree with it.
Discount it.
I guess I will.
Just too good.
Yeah.
You can eat my pussy easter.
Thank you.
I mean, I didn't get this name on my arm just because she's my friend.
Yeah, that's your girl.
You had plans.
But she also has commitment issues.
It's gone in nine months.
If she did the real Ink, I'd be like, nah, this girl's full fucking bull.
Well, that would be mentally ill, I think.
Wait, wait, what do you mean?
If I got her name tattooed forever, that would be mental illness.
Really?
I think so.
Why?
I just think that that, would that make you uncomfortable?
Well, she presented it as a birthday gift to me on my birthday.
She was like, for your birthday, look what I did.
And I remember calling Bobby and Bobby's like, what the fuck is wrong with that?
Yeah, Bobby was mad at me.
And Dave, my fiancé, was mad at me.
It's a love square.
It's a love square.
I don't think there is.
The thing is, there's no answer here.
Like, we're all weird.
You're getting a little gayer.
I'm not sure.
I'm getting a little bit gayer, dude.
She's warming up a bit.
I'm kind of seeing it now.
Yeah, she just said it was a love box.
I mean, that's the gayest birth.
It's a love box.
Okay, well, guys, thank you so much for coming out.
Make sure you check out their podcast, Trash Tuesdays.
And I'm sure that you explain all the delicious stories that you've told us today in further detail over there.
And for the record, we do have more in the tank than just dick and pussy talk.
I didn't want to talk about this.
I started talking about trans athletes.
I was ready for Ukraine.
I'm prepped for Ukraine.
Did you really?
And then I got brother fucking.
Okay, no, go.
What do we got for you?
That's okay.
No, that's, you know what?
It has escaped my brain.
And we really want to have you on our show when you're in LA.
Bullshit.
Are you kidding me?
I want to come on so bad.
I think Bobby's starting a beef between you.
This is what he said yesterday.
He's like, they're not going to know this, but I'm starting to plant the seeds.
He's trying to tell Akash.
He's like, Akash, you're the star.
Don't you forget.
He's right.
Akash is.
But he's starting, just so you know, trying to undermine the beef.
Right.
I'm trying to pacify the potential war.
After all I did for him.
Right.
Getting him into rehab.
To try to destroy everything that's mine.
Wow, he's Russia, dude.
Dang, you can't snitch on your husband.
No, but this is what this is.
They're made for each other.
We really are.
They really are.
So broken.
Yeah.
We cannot find any other people.
Yeah.
Carlos, you be careful, okay?
Bobby's trying to disrupt our podcast.
Which is kind of a metaphor for Russian Ukraine.
So in a way, we did talk about it.
We did talk about it.
So there you go, Kalila.
I got what I wanted.
Is there anything else you want to talk about?
I didn't want to talk about sex with you guys at all.
You guys forced this.
I did.
You forced it on him.
You forced it on him.
You literally forced him.
He said no over and over.
It's fun.
It's okay.
Look, I like talking about it.
I don't know.
I have a podcast called Tiger Belly 2 with Bobby and I.
And so go listen to that.
Yeah.
And our show, Trash Tuesday.
Is there an episode you'd recommend from your show that people should go check out if they want to get a first taste?
I would say any one of the episodes with you on.
Oh, Tiger.
Yeah, Tiger Belly.
And people should watch.
Oh, with Trash Tuesday.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
There's.
We always say this.
When somebody comes on, they recommend a podcast, right?
And it's kind of daunting for someone who's never listened.
That's smart.
So I go, what is the podcast that you think would be the best entry point?
What is the one episode for your podcast?
Maybe we just had Chris DeStefano on.
That was really fun.
We all dressed in goth.
I saw the pictures of that.
Yeah.
Will you do a theme with us when you come on our show?
Okay.
Shoemaker.
Shoemaker.
Yeah.
We should all do a role play fantasy outfit.
Actually, I love this.
I will role play with you guys first.
Yes.
So I can practice it.
You can be an F1 driver.
My wife.
I want to be an F1 driver.
Yeah.
And everyone could be in the pit crew.
Yeah.
Instead of taking tires off.
They fucking.
I'm just going to have Emma sign off on this first.
On us all doing roleplay.
Right.
Okay.
Perfect.
Yes.
That works.
Something tells me she's hot and doesn't care.
Incredibly.
Incredibly.
I'm a good friend to guys because they usually, like, the wives are always like, yeah.
Or you can hang out with her.
That's fine.
No.
Yeah.
No one's threatened by me.
I don't know.
No, because why?
Because you don't look, you have trusting intentions.
Oh, thank you.
Like, yeah, I don't think that you're out there to steal somebody's husband.