Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh recount their chaotic Indian wedding weekend, featuring 48-hour drumming and a Tuk-Tuk accident, before pivoting to studio politics involving employee Shifty. They debate U.S. geopolitical strategies like the "Color Revolution" in Cuba and cultural warfare against China, while analyzing Conor McGregor's UFC loss, Drake's Dodger Stadium flex, and mocking Elon Musk and Richard Branson as space travel frauds. Ultimately, the episode blends personal anecdotes with aggressive political commentary on wealth, race, and American dominance. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Bringing The Wedding Back00:15:12
Asshole Army, don't ever say we leave you out of anything.
You understand?
Okay?
We all went to this amazing Indian wedding over the weekend.
You weren't there.
You thought that you were going to miss you.
You thought you weren't going to have that unique cultural experience.
Well, you thought wrong.
Okay?
Because we bring that bitch back.
We're bringing it to you.
Asshole Army.
What's up, everybody?
Welcome.
You thought.
You thought you were going to miss the wedding of the century.
You thought you were going to miss the celebration of the century.
You thought that you weren't going to be here for it, but we brought it to you.
We always got your back.
Oh, my God.
I'm out of breath.
I'm so tired.
Officially married Akash Singh over the weekend.
Oh, my God.
Navdeep was the drummer at your wedding.
Yeah, dough player.
What's it called?
Doebo player.
Dole player.
He was the dough player at the wedding.
I'm fucking exhausted.
I'm like, dog.
I couldn't believe I had to do that again.
Holy shit.
He's like, oh, my God.
Just that camel.
No, I was hyped.
I was hyped.
But midway through, I was like, this is fucking...
I'll do this again.
Oh, my God.
Boy, that was a bad idea to start on the podcast just like that.
Holy shit.
That was fun.
But listen, we had an absolutely amazing time.
I'm not going to make you stand there this whole episode and play, but just for a few more minutes, it'd be good.
We are already recording, Akash.
Yo.
How do you feel?
That was the best weekend of my life, dude.
It really was.
It really was.
I did not think it would be.
I thought it's a thing you do for the wife, whatever.
I had so much fun.
So much love in the room.
Yeah.
I'm tired.
Real quick.
Shout out to Navdeep Gundy and DJ Chad.
They fucking killed it.
Yes, they did.
Great job, DJ Chad.
I still haven't paid you, but I think now we're good.
Yeah, sure.
It's the most Indian thing you've ever done.
Yeah, no, he got paid too.
Chad was like, we'll work it out.
I was like, we will.
I think we just did.
Navdeep, be honest, is it annoying doing business with Indians?
Sometimes.
Yes.
Sometimes.
They haggle you a lot, right?
They haggle.
Did I haggle, though?
No, you're fine, man.
Yeah.
I was broken at that point.
I was broken.
I had nothing left.
I said, whatever he wants, yo, just do it.
I don't care.
I don't know how you kept your energy up the entire time.
It was unbelievable.
I don't either.
You were dancing literally for 48 hours straight.
Yeah.
Like, every part is a fucking dance.
You have to dance every part because you're the groom.
So, like, if you're not dancing, who else is going to dance?
I normally dance a lot at weddings because it's fun and whatever.
But, like, as the groom, if you're just like sitting out, what's everyone?
No one else is going to do anything.
Yeah.
So, like the whole party is like, you got to do it.
It's dependent on you.
That's right.
If you're chilling, you're not going to do it.
Now, I will say this.
I thought it was very brave of you to, I don't know how to, what's the term?
Become sick.
What is that term?
To convert.
Convert, to convert to Siki.
And we were there for that conversion, and I thought that that was very brave for you to give up your religion and give up everything your family is raised in.
I think you converted.
I'm in.
Oh, yeah, we're in.
We all converted, bro.
I wore his the whole day.
We were all in, baby.
We were all doing it.
Yeah, yeah.
They tried to suffocate me.
Big Body Bells or something like that.
I forget the guy's name.
He's a Big Body Sing or whatever.
Big Belly Sing.
Big Belly Sing.
Yeah, he tied my shit super tight and I had to run it back.
Yeah, he tied mine tight first out.
I was like, this is really tight.
He was like, yours needs to be.
He wasn't tired of that type, bro.
You don't want to fall off and I never met the fucking ball.
For the groom, it's got to be extra.
Like, they tie it a very certain formal way.
And I was like, this shit is.
I've had one tied before.
Yeah.
This was super tight.
My neck was hurting.
Like 30 minutes in, my neck was so luckily.
I think I danced so much in the barat that the sweat expanded it a bit.
Ah.
And so it wasn't as bad during the ceremony, but I was dying.
I had an absolutely fucking amazing time at this wedding.
I do think that Indian weddings are the best weddings.
I've been thinking about this a lot.
I have been too.
And I'm not saying this for pandering reasons.
I think they are the best weddings.
And this is why.
Okay.
Expectation.
As long as your reality exceeds the expectation, you think it's an amazing time.
Yeah.
Right?
The cool thing about India wedding, especially as like a white person or non-Indian that's going into it, right?
Is outside of my interactions with you, my only interactions with Indians are in like the highest levels of professionalism, right?
A doctor, don't be joking around with me that much if you're a doctor, a dentist, don't be kidding around, don't show too much personality.
Fix me, bro.
So you see like this muted version of Indians, right?
It's always in some sort of professional setting.
They're not being that silly because oftentimes the jobs they choose are very high stakes.
You're the CEO of a company, don't be kidding around, guy who runs Google.
Make sure to Google Google's.
We don't got time for that.
No more time, right?
And then outside of that, it's a very tightly knit community, so there's not that many people from the outside that are going to get access to it.
So the first time a lot of non-Indians see Indians actually be Indian is at the wedding, right?
We assimilate everywhere else.
Everywhere else, hey, what do you do?
We'll figure it out.
We'll keep our stuff as much as we can, but we're going to assimilate to what you do.
Indian wedding, you're going to assimilate to us.
Yes.
And what's so interesting is the assimilation process is nothing.
We're way more similar.
You like to party your asses off, drink, dance.
And the cool thing about it is the dancing is about enjoyment, not romance.
Yeah.
Men dance with men.
Yeah, 100%.
Old people dance with young people.
Kids, everybody.
It was like a rave.
It was like, just move your body.
Move your body.
Whatever you got to do.
It's like Burning Man.
I literally thought of it.
But at no point in time, we're like, oh, I think they're trying to hook up or that kind of shit like that.
It wasn't sexualized.
It was just everybody go have a good time.
I didn't even think about that.
Yeah.
I'm telling you, man, a really cool aspect was that when you see everybody dancing, first of all, Indians can bust it down, but there are also Indians that can't.
But it seems like nobody's insecure to dance.
If you're a white person, you're not dancing at no black wedding.
And if you are, you're not dancing at a Latin wedding.
You're not making a fool of yourself at a black or late.
There's no line dance where you got to get it right.
It's just have fun.
That's how you get it right.
If you're having fun, you're doing it right.
At least from the outside.
The only line dance we have is, I hadn't even done this.
A Bunjabi thing is called a real guardiat at the end, where you just get in line, everybody just runs around the room like a train.
That's it.
There's no steps.
If you don't know the Cupid shuffle, you don't know the shit.
You out.
You look like a fucking retard.
Yeah.
You can run in a line, man.
Hands in the air.
Lands in the air.
One of the things about dancing, I think it's most uncomfortable for people is they don't know what to do with their arms.
So even if they are two-stepping, they're like, do I snap?
Do I clap?
They don't know.
And then you guys just have it built in up in the fucking air.
You know what I mean?
That's the whole shit is everything.
I told, I was telling them everybody.
People don't know.
What do you think this shit is?
Black people not know what to do with their fucking hands.
So they had to build it into the dance.
The macarena is all.
What do I do with my hands?
Right?
I thought that was flawless, like trying to swap.
Yeah, that's what I thought it was.
My bad.
I told every white person I was uncomfortable to dance.
You just got to shrug and then do something with it.
Just shrug on beat and then just do whatever you want.
And it all flies.
So we're watching everybody just like let loose.
And again, I can't speak for you guys, but that was my experience.
And I was like, oh, shit.
Like, I don't have to feel insecure.
Everybody is either looking amazing or making a fool of themselves because it's all in the guise of fun.
As long as you're having fun, you're doing the right thing.
Yeah.
Also, food.
Yeah.
Indian food is perfect wedding food.
Yeah.
Indian food is stews.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, if you go to like wedding, usually wedding food sucks.
Yeah, I didn't realize that.
It sucks.
And it's like, you don't want to make 300 steaks at one time.
Oh.
You know what I mean?
You don't want to make 300 chicken palms at one time.
You know what I mean?
That's a lunchroom food for kids.
Like, that's the reason why it sucks when you go to public school and you get like this little bag lunch.
It sucks because you have to make 300.
The Indian food is built for it.
Yeah.
The longer it sits in the stew, the better.
The better it gets.
Yeah.
So we're having like this delicious food.
Everybody's having a great time.
I mean, it was just, it was just think about because my parents, when they would, when like, I have all these Indian kids I grew up with, a few of my grooms when you met.
I just, my, our parents were friends, had kids.
Every weekend, they would go to each other's house.
They would just move the furniture in the living room and just put on music and dance.
That's what a party was to me.
I didn't know you like went out to clubs and shit like that.
And there was always this thing they would do that I didn't realize I do it now all the time.
If you're not dancing, they just pull you in and make you dance.
It doesn't fucking, there is no judgment.
There is no, are you good or are you not?
Just move your body, have fun.
That's all we want.
Yeah.
And I didn't even realize that until you said it just now.
That's what I do.
When I saw you guys at the bar on Friday, I was like, where the fuck are they?
I went looking for you.
And then I was like, every one of you, I was like, get your ass on the floor.
And then anybody that was insecure, I would just yank them in or shove them to the center and just be like, just go.
Okay.
So you know, my girl is like, she hates attention.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, she does not very fucking attention.
She was dancing in the middle of the circle.
Yes.
That does not happen unless she feels incredibly comfortable.
She would never do that.
She was like, this is actually, this is what she said.
She's like, there's actually great practice for our wedding.
I'm like, you wouldn't dance in the circle with your own wedding.
So it was just really cool to see that environment.
And that doesn't exist everywhere.
Yeah, I didn't even realize that.
And I was like, I was trying to think what are the best ways or why are Indian weddings so fun?
And I was thinking it's just any culture where family is really important, the wedding is probably fun.
I've heard Greek weddings are fire.
Interesting.
Because it's a big family culture.
Italian weddings are probably fire because it's family and it's food.
So probably fire.
But then Indian weddings, we just, if you go to India, it's just mad colors everywhere.
Dude.
Everywhere.
It's the best wedding, man.
Also, just the idea that you want people to embrace your culture and dress up.
Yeah.
Like it was fucking Halloween for us.
Like we were going out and getting new costumes.
We're trying to match it.
Like look at these things.
We kept them, right?
We got sneakers.
So many people wanted to keep the pug, the turban.
I was surprised.
Yeah, you kept yours.
So I'm not supposed to.
No, you absolutely can't.
Yeah, just don't like throw them on the ground or whatever.
I mean, don't mistreat it.
But everybody was like, no, I want to keep mine.
That wasn't Indian.
The Indians were like, nah, you can have it.
Yo, hit this shit every once in a while.
When you say something dope.
No, the bug was fire, dude.
The pug was fire.
And it was cool going to the Good Duroir, Good Gurdara, yeah.
Gurdwara.
This guy was telling me that if you're hungry anywhere in the world, just go to a Gurdwara.
Yeah.
They'll feed you.
Like they were feeding like the soldiers that they were fighting against.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like crazy.
Yeah, it's a big thing.
It's called lunger, and it's like a big practice for six, which is like we feed people who need food.
Even if we're beefing.
The real name.
That's my opinion.
What's the actual name of the Golden Temple?
I forget.
I'm on this up.
They feed like 50,000 people today.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, it was just really beautiful to learn about that because we were in where the ceremony was.
That being said, that's my last religious ceremony at a wedding.
I'm not going to do it anymore.
Well, yeah, I am sick.
You became sick.
I'm sick.
Mark Bentham.
Can I tell you something?
This is something really important.
Another thing Indians won't do at their wedding.
This is really important.
They won't tell you any of the rules.
So you told us to dress up in suits on Friday.
We dress up in suits on Friday.
We come Saturday.
All the Indians are in tuxedos and suits, and we're the only ones dressed in Indian outfits.
Yeah.
You know, you can wear.
That's why I said when you were like, what's your shit?
Hello?
We're looking like assholes.
We're looking like we're making fun of the people there.
Dude, not at all.
It is, you can wear Western or Eastern.
That's why when you ask me, why'd you guys go Western?
We would have gone Eastern with you guys on Friday.
If you go to a lot of Indian weddings, you can't really wear that suit again.
But if you wear a suit as a dude, you just mix and match shirt and tie, and that's it.
So I don't need, it's almost like, you know, how women need outfits for every wedding or whatever?
Like, if you wear that outfit again, everybody's like, you know, you wore that shit.
If I have a suit, I have a black suit.
I just change out the shirt and the tie and I'm good.
Right.
I have to buy a new one of those every single time I go to a wedding.
And so it's like.
I've been wearing the same suit for the last three years.
Every single wedding I do.
Your wedding, Mark's wedding, my own wedding.
That's what we do.
I have one suit.
So it's easy for Indian wedding.
It works to do both.
So I'm like, I'll just wear the suit at night because then I just change out the shirt and tie.
I don't have to shop.
It's convenience.
It's laziness.
All the Eastern people.
Nobody.
Why are you making it?
You're not the only assholes.
We showed up basically in blackface.
We're wearing brown face on Saturday night.
And I had, I was walking in the hallway and I saw your cousin, who's maybe the most handsome Indian person I've ever seen in my life.
He's made 2.0 and everybody's in the middle of the day.
Oh my God.
2.0.
You wish that motherfucker is so handsome.
He's like, no, I cost 3,000.
100%.
Remember when the Terminator had to fight the liquid?
He's the liquid.
He's been here before.
What?
You've met him.
I would have remembered the post video.
I would have remembered him.
I was blown away by the hacker.
Spread that man on some booty bread.
He told me.
He told me.
Son, I couldn't even talk to him.
And he's the sweetest kid on earth.
Don't be sweet.
Yeah, don't hear.
Don't be sweet.
He's the one who's like, blue eyes, fair skin.
I almost slapped him in his mouth.
He goes, You excited for tonight?
I was like, keep staying excited, motherfucker.
You're cleaning shit off your stomach.
I'm telling you, that was a handsome motherfucker.
I was insecure talking to him, bro.
Super.
It felt uncomfortable.
And he was in a tux.
He goes, oh, you guys are going with the traditional attire tonight while I'm seeing him in the tux.
I'm like, oh, this motherfucker Aka is setting us up.
You foolish.
You set us up the little foot.
And you set us up at the ceremony, at the sixth ceremony.
You didn't tell me we were going to be sitting there for four hours.
We get into the room, and I notice that all the older, I notice all the people who like have pugs on and all the people who like look like they know what's up.
They found a wall.
They found a wall.
Quick column.
Arca's father-in-law found a column in the middle.
This guy was on next level shit.
Emotional Ceremony Moments00:09:30
Like, there's not supposed to be a column in the middle.
He found a column in the middle.
I'm like, why is everybody leaning on some shit?
I'm like, whatever.
And I sit next to a black dude.
I'm like, how the fuck am I following with him?
This guy got no clue what the fuck is going on in here.
So we're in there.
I'm like, oh, what's going on?
And then he starts going.
I'm looking at the itinerary.
I'm following along.
I'm reading along because you can read along it.
And they spell it in both the what is that?
Sanskrit?
Punjabi.
Punjabi.
Right?
And they got in English letters, but spelled so you could kind of pronounce it.
Transliteration.
It was super, it was great because I could hear him say it when I saw it in like the American letters, right?
Or the English letters.
So I'm following along.
I'm like, okay, we go.
And then you guys start walking, and then your brother-in-law, Andrew, says, All right, listen, this is it.
This is the thing.
Like, once he does the walk, they are married.
Yeah, so I'm like, Oh, it's lit.
So, super slow walk around.
I'm like, All right, they build in the tension, it's super slow.
And then you get around, sit back down.
I'm about to go crazy.
You're not supposed to clap, but I'm like, It's going.
And all of a sudden, you get back up, start walking around again.
I thought you fucked it up.
I thought they were running it back.
You got it this time because I thought you would tell us, You're like, I'm super nervous.
I just don't want to fuck up.
This is really important.
Traditional stuff is really important to my girl's family.
So, I'm seeing it in your eyes.
You're like, I am not at all.
He's focused, bro.
This is Jordan, game seven.
Like, Jordan, don't go to game seven.
I'm not trying to go to game six and it again.
But, yeah, so you know, and then you run it back again, right?
And then you sit down again.
I'm like, oh, he did not just fuck this shit up another time.
That's okay.
You could lose two away.
Now we're at home.
Yeah.
Okay.
He's doing this shit like the Bucks.
So he gets back up.
He gets back up.
You ran around third time.
Yep.
No.
Yep.
I had to turn to Andrew and he was like, no, you have to ground four times.
Then officially married.
Yeah.
Thank God, bro.
Hit that shit.
Official.
Yeah.
I was laying down.
I'll be honest.
I tried to get the message out about the wall because I realized Mad Late.
I was like, oh, yeah, a wall would be very helpful for these guys.
And then I could only tell like one person.
And then that guy just found a wall, I think.
Or a chair.
I didn't want him.
Like, I think Case just gave it.
I was found a chair.
I was sitting in the back.
I was slumped.
He was in the back corner, slumped.
I would never disrespect him.
They woke him up with the food.
Remember, they give you that little sweet sugar thing?
That was kind of fire.
I fuck with that.
What is it called?
Prashad.
The Prashad.
Yeah.
But I was slumped.
I was sleeping while the rest of us were paying attention.
That's disrespect, bro.
That's disrespect.
I was on muscle relaxes and painkillers because my back was out, but I still came.
You know how you realize back?
That's your cousin.
That's how he feels.
Handsome motherfucker.
He could get it, son.
Real team.
He could get it, yo.
I agree.
So, why is he not in Bollywood?
Does it work?
He needs to be on a cover somewhere.
He doesn't understand how good looking he is.
Call him right now.
I'll tell him.
Yo, you get him on the phone.
It's going to get salty.
Okay.
It's going to get real salty.
He told me at the end, he said, I didn't get hit on by any girls.
Got hit on by a lot of your groomsmen.
I was trying to tell you the first time.
I was like, yo, the Indian men are kind of attractive.
And I was just waiting for you to point that sexy motherfucker outside.
I couldn't just like start with him, but I was like, come on, I almost said it to him.
I almost said it to him, bro.
Especially when I saw him in a tuck when I saw that he could do both worlds.
Yeah.
I could take this guy places.
You know what I mean?
I could meet my parents.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's a real man.
Andrew's parents.
Andrew's mom was killing it on the dance.
Oh, my God.
My mom was fucking, bro.
She was getting damned.
Your mom is the dance champion of the world.
So still to this day, she just skewed down undefeated, son.
She got rhythm, son.
Whoa.
I was blown away.
All the other non-Indians, it took them a second to get comfortable.
Yeah.
It's not a knock.
It's just what it is, what it is.
I think they're kind of like, I don't know what your mom hopped right the fuck in, dog, so fast, was dancing her ass off.
It was so cute, killing it, dancing with everybody in the middle of the circle.
It was so good to see you.
She was having a great time, man.
Did we fuck up anything?
No.
Y'all did great.
I did good at the wedding, right?
You great.
Come on.
Come on, Al.
Did we fuck up anything?
We didn't fuck up with you.
I fucked up with you.
No, the planner told me, she was like, it's really actually adorable how hard you're, how much your groomsmen are making sure they do everything right.
Thank you, bro.
Yeah.
I almost missed your ceremony.
Yeah.
I don't want to put out the obvious.
I almost missed your ceremony.
And to be honest, if I came a little later, my back won't be still hurting today.
To be honest.
How much money did you put in, by the way?
What?
Into the little dollar.
Yeah.
Only a dollar?
That's what we were told.
Five, dude.
You really extended this shit out of you.
Holy shit.
Five times the amount.
Listen, I was late.
Yeah.
But I was taking late.
Yeah.
Which I blame on you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He told me.
He's like, Do I have time to blow it out?
And I didn't think it'd be a long shift.
I was like, he's going to hold this guy.
I saw Indian food for the last 25 minutes.
That's a muscle relaxer, bro.
I thought it'll come out quicker.
No, dude.
I thought I'd just shoot out of there like a fireball.
Hey, you're not paid to talk, dog.
I'm kidding.
What'd you say, bro?
I'm kidding.
What do you think?
You're going to let this Rajput talk to you like that?
Hey, hey, this motherfucker was pretty too.
I didn't like it at the Sangeeth.
I was like, I don't like how pretty this guy is either.
He was pretty.
Son, they kept calling Kevin the camera guy, Holdor, bro.
That shit was crazy.
Awesome.
Yo, that shit was absolutely crazy.
That is what Thushar called him.
Fucking Vala is like, yo, they got Holdor shooting the wedding, bro.
When he was in the Indian clothes, he looked like Holdor, son.
Nah, because he was.
He was huge.
He's seven feet, but Holdor kind of had that outfit.
Yo, Thushar for the first, did he not?
And Vala was calling him that shit.
You did, son.
You did.
That was fucked up.
Yo, for the first three, like, first three months, that's all Thushar called him hose.
Hold on.
Totor coming to film.
Hold on.
And I told Kevin that luckily, Kevin hadn't seen the show because I didn't want to be too-faced about it, but I also was hoping I wouldn't hurt his feelings.
He was like, I've never seen Game of Thrones.
I was like, Thank God, yo, because that shit is too perfect.
Okay, anything about the wedding?
Tell us where we fucked up.
Like, anything you could trash?
Son, you guys were great, man.
My only issue was on the Sangeetha on Friday, y'all were in the bar for too long on the sidebar, chatting.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, that's kind of your fault, bro.
That was the sidebar.
That's kind of your fault.
I'm glad you said it because if I say I'd be kind of a point, Al, what do you mean by that?
I mean, we shouldn't have had to go to that bar to get the drinks, is what I'm saying.
Oh, yeah, that's a good point.
There's a mini bar in the room.
You heard that?
The Punjabi agreement.
He agrees.
Yeah.
There's a bar in the room.
Why don't you go there?
I mean, it was wine and beer inside.
Yeah.
And the liquor was outside.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I got to drink liquor at my wedding.
Yo, yes.
Just trying to get your shit lit.
Punjabi weddings.
Yeah, but I didn't want y'all to get too drunk and fuck up Saturday morning.
That was a deliberate choice.
I was like, I got beer and wine, but I don't want anybody getting fucked up.
He deliberately chose to go get the liquor, though.
Yeah, they had to open the shit up for me.
They told me after they were like, I didn't understand it was whoever it was.
They were like, that's not normally open, but like we opened it up.
Yeah, it was like the Capitol Riot, bro.
We stormed that shit.
Nah, your cousin was throwing back shots over there.
I ain't snitching, but they was built for it.
They're built.
They know what to do.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
To bring up Jordan, Jordan could be hungover in a flu game.
And we know he's going to get it done.
He's been to this before.
He's been through this.
See?
He's a vet.
It's very convenient that the dancing is just like this.
You could be drunk as fuck and just go like this all day.
That's drunk.
That's perfect.
It's the best.
That's perfect, yo.
It's the best.
Okay, how does it feel now to be married?
The actual being married, like, I like calling her my wife because it's less syllables than fiancé.
Yes.
But he's in the same spot.
We live together.
It's like, it's not that different.
It's just cool to say my wife.
And it's nice.
I really enjoy it.
And also, fiancé, for two years, you get so fucking tired of fiancé.
Yeah.
Because we're supposed to be married almost a year ago.
Yo, Adden, your wife was stunning at every single day.
She looked beautiful.
She looked crazy.
She killed that dance.
Oh, we were going to murder them.
Like, you guys versus the girls.
Son, we thought we were bothering them.
I didn't know.
They killed us.
And normally we go to weddings and stuff.
She got on heels.
She can't really dance.
So I've never seen her go.
When she took off the heels, I was like, oh, it's about to go down.
She dancing barefoot.
And she fucking went hammer.
And then I didn't want to see her at the her like wedding dress, the actual ceremony dress.
Yeah.
Because we bought like, she bought one that she was like really excited.
I was like, all right, cool.
Don't let me see it until.
And when I saw her, I was like, God damn, she looked beautiful at the sale.
Yeah, bro.
Just, I was like, did you cry?
I teared up.
I thought I was going to cry way more to be.
I cried too.
When you were shitting?
Huh?
When you were shitting?
I cry when I shit as well.
I cry when I shit.
No, I got a little emotional, bro.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, I got a little emotional, but it wasn't at the end.
It was until the night at Saturday.
Yeah, dude.
That's all the speeches got me.
That's what it was.
Yeah, your mom's speech was fire, bro.
Yeah, man.
She had like three sips of wine.
Then she's like, I don't know.
I just, I think I was drunk.
She was like, I didn't write anything.
I just went.
My brother's speech got me in my mom's speech when she said that.
She said some things that got me like teary-eyed.
I didn't actually cry, though, but I thought, like, I was like, I'm going to cry so many times.
The in-laws are funny, too.
It's on my father.
Crying While Shitting00:03:00
Father-in-law was funny, bro.
Holy shit.
He made a Cosby reference.
Yeah, but he's like, I was like, what does he do for a living?
And then said that he was a comedian.
And I was like, I don't know about this because this is when all the Cosby things were going on.
And, bro, we were dying laughing, bro.
And I was having Vala translate because I didn't understand what he was saying because his accent was kind of thick and it's over a microphone.
So it was already muddled.
But Vala was dying laughing when he said it.
I'm like, yo, Vala, what'd he say?
I wouldn't listen either.
And then Jislene told me.
And then through Shar told me, you and Andrew both stood up out of your chairs the exact same time.
He started clapping, bro.
He went for it, dog.
He went for it on a flag.
I love it, bro.
I love it.
He went for it on a big day.
That could have bombed.
It could have bombed.
I raised the reward.
Hey, Flagrant, dog.
Hey, we flagrant.
Flagrant family.
I like him, bro.
Yeah, he's a funny dude.
Cool, dude.
Funny dude.
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Kushy Promo Code Deal00:15:08
You know what?
I thought of at the reception.
I thought of something you said.
What's up?
About the first time you took Molly, or the only time you took Molly Burning Man, how you felt full.
That's how I felt at the rest.
X-Tree, just like the love is just pouring out of me and everybody around me.
That's how I felt at the reception Saturday night.
The speeches were great, but even just talking to everybody one-on-one, it was just so much love, dude.
It was like, it was incredible.
All these people from all over coming to support you and your girls.
Yeah, and you're just all telling each other how much you care about each other and how much you mean to each other.
And it's fucking amazing.
That was like, that was my favorite part of the whole thing.
Yeah.
It was just the amount of love, especially Saturday night.
I think people didn't know.
I don't even think we knew the wedding was going to be as nice as it was.
Like it was an actual nice wedding.
And when I'm paying for it, and I'm like, bro, I don't know.
This is what I can afford.
But it ended up being great.
It was amazing.
That shit was fire.
Amazing.
There's some good pictures.
Vala got a good picture.
Vala got some fire ass pictures that I just posted on my stories.
Yeah.
Vala was tight, though.
Why?
Because the motherfucker wore green on purpose.
Yeah, I know.
He wore green on purpose.
I did too out of solidarity, but then you did it just rubbing my face.
Oh, shit.
The intentions were different, bro.
What color is green?
Green is Pakistan.
You know what I mean?
I'm trying to show there are no borders, and then you're trying to show me the borders are there.
He needed to run it back again.
You building it back.
But she mirror the situation really hard.
He was pissed that he couldn't get no pussy, bro.
These girls were turning him down left and right, bro.
They were turning him down so much, bro.
It was crazy.
Remember you were trying to get pussy and you couldn't?
Good night.
Oh, shit.
Wally, y'all remember that?
Yo, remember when Val was swinging and missing, bro?
He would try to go up to girls and get them to dance, and then they would notice he was Pakistani.
They could just fucking smile on him, and then they would just turn, curb his ass, bro.
Yo, rejection, dude.
Andy was on Tinder.
He was swiping crazy.
Ferociously.
He was trying to meet up with a girl at the bar in the outfit.
Yo, that's next level.
That's fine.
That's next level.
I like that book, bro.
Anyway, yeah, and then Dove.
Dove football.
Before we go to Dove, because we will get Dove, but the other thing that we noticed about Vala, he was horny, bro.
Friday night, he was lusting, dude.
Hey, I love it.
I love to see it, Vala.
Come home, dog.
Dude, he was, he was, you know how he's usually giggly, he laughs like a little kid and shit like that.
But like that, like that, right?
He laughs like a little child, like a little taller.
But at the wedding, he was just like this.
He was just like, hmm.
He was just looking around the room Friday night specifically, dude.
I love it, bro.
When the bridesmaids were dancing, it was a problem, bro.
Yeah, dog.
It was too bad.
Come on.
Come home.
You relax at weddings, dog.
You were angry and horny, dog.
I was like, yo, I gotta get it back.
Hey, come home, bro.
Come home, bro.
Come home.
Come home.
Get out of Williamsburg, dog.
Get out of Williamsburg.
Flame this guy.
Okay, Dove.
Dove got high on mushrooms the first night.
Yeah.
Right?
Because this guy's still disrespectful.
He's like, it's going to be colorful.
It's going to be beautiful.
He was just going to stare at you guys like fucking the forest.
Like he's just taking in the natural beauty.
And then instead he got depressed.
And that's what happens.
And I knew that he was a little sad.
I put the fucking dagger in his heart.
I knew he was a little sad, right?
I didn't even notice.
Oh, yeah, he was depressed.
He was super depressed.
I was like the sad Escobar in Narcissus.
And she was hanging out with Vala.
How did it feel to watch me leaving in your fucking Tesla?
Everything's been taken from him.
It was him and Vala just horny and depressed the whole night.
We're outside by the bar, right?
My girl, Mark's girl, they're all talking to each other.
And I'm sitting at the table and I'm talking to Duff.
And I look over and I look back at Dove and I go, Dove, don't you want that?
That shit is evil, bro.
You are evil.
I had some good assertion.
Don't you want that?
And he looks at me and he goes, Why would you even do that?
Why would you even say that, Andrew?
You know how hard I'm trying.
You know how hard I'm trying.
I'm trying to meet that person.
I'm trying to meet that person somewhere.
He's been surrounded by these things.
I'm sorry if I love them.
I'm depressed.
I'm on magic mushrooms.
It's unbelievable what's going on right now.
Why do you even say that?
You think I don't want that?
I come all the way to New York, hoping to find some more Jewish girls because the Jewish ones in Los Angeles are too Persian or whatever you're fucking.
Yeah.
You said that.
You said that.
You were hiding the mushrooms, but you said it.
You got it.
You was wild, bro.
It was crazy.
You knew what to say.
Yeah, it was crazy.
But don't you want that?
Shut up.
Yeah.
Isn't that beautiful, bro?
Also, not trying.
You're not trying.
The guru now is telling me to sit back, wait, for my heart with love.
Sit back and wait.
Hey, bro.
Okay.
Did you find any girls at the wedding?
Nobody.
You can't hook up at night.
Out of respect.
Come on.
Yeah, nobody could chat up, but he doesn't do it right away.
Dove moves in.
He built a lot of stuff.
But I'll tell you this: as a Jew, I fuck with six.
Yeah.
I'll pick them.
I'll put them at the top all-star team.
Over Hindu.
Wow.
Why is this?
Over Hindus.
Why is this?
I've met a few Punjabis in my time.
Yeah.
First of all, they fuck with Israel.
Thank you.
Shout out.
But second.
That's all it takes.
Thank you.
A blue square is all it takes.
All right.
Blue squares.
He wants it.
Colorful, too.
Paul.
Nothing.
First of all, Volla gave me those mushrooms.
So fuck you.
He set you up.
Yeah.
He set you up.
You were his competition.
He set you up.
That's what it was.
LA mushrooms ever did that to me.
Say this.
Al, Mark, thoughts on the wedding before we move on.
I had an amazing time.
Like, I was just lit.
I was enjoying myself.
Wasn't self-conscious at all to get it.
Saturday night, I thought was the night Al felt the most comfortable.
Yeah.
I thought everybody was the most by Saturday night.
Everybody was in.
Everybody got it.
Everybody's like, nah, you just dance and let's just get in there.
You do the, you know.
Yeah, but Friday, I was getting in too a little bit.
Son, I was Vala set me up with a video that made me laugh.
I was really happy to see Mark in there dancing on Friday night.
And Vala had a picture of Mark dancing, and then me stopping dancing and looking at Mark, and then he's going, and I didn't even know.
I truly was so happy to see you in there.
And then Vala captured this moment.
I don't know how the fuck I look like that, but it looks like I hated seeing you dance and I loved it.
No, no, you should have hated it.
I'm not going to do it right, but I'm going to go for it 100%.
That's all we want, bro.
That's all it is.
And to the outfits, we love that you wore Indian clothes.
We love that.
We're not like, oh, you're at our wedding.
Yeah.
That's paying respect.
Okay, who won?
Why don't you just tell us, son?
Why don't you just tell us?
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew had a great, he did great with the voiceover in the sketch.
He fucking killed it.
No, he's not.
No, no, the outfits.
I don't care about telling.
He wore the outfits.
Yeah.
You better don't even.
They don't care about telling me.
This is what we all wore, right?
No, no, no.
This is what I wore with you.
This is I already returned my other shit.
Yeah, okay.
All right, good for you.
Yeah, I accidentally bought this.
I didn't mean to, but I own this now.
So it's fire.
I think Al wins.
Yeah.
Well, I won.
It's not even close.
He put hoop earrings in.
I killed him.
And he had different size hoops.
If you look at his Instagram, he had some big hoops.
He's looking like J-Lo, and then he downsized.
And maybe I was able to GDM aloud.
And those are still too big.
I just can't get it right.
He came through with fucking earrings.
That's disrespectful.
No.
I smell like Miss Cleo a little.
It wouldn't have been as bad if everybody else there was also dressed up.
But the fact that we walked in and everybody was in a tuxedo.
Yeah, that's what it was.
I wore Indian clothes the whole way.
You wore the most tuxedo version of Indian clothes.
You had a black Indian outfit.
Yeah.
That's you set us up at all.
You set us up.
That's fucked up.
That was y'all to assimilate.
Good for you.
Say again?
We loved it.
I love seeing everybody.
Why don't you just tell us the right day to do it?
What made it worse is that we were late.
I wasn't late.
I wasn't late.
We were just on all the staff.
I wasn't late.
Don't put that on.
I wasn't late.
Why was that late?
Because you were taking shit and we were waiting on you.
No, stop it.
Stop it.
We need to rock together.
We didn't ride together.
We all had to.
Son, we died together.
We were the reception hour late.
I wasn't late to the reception.
You were late to the rest.
What time is the reception starting?
We're supposed to go in before you.
That's crazy.
Yeah, that's kind of.
It's a whole ass cocktail hour.
Y'all at the cocktail hour?
I was at the cocktail hour.
You missed the cocktail hour.
I was at the cocktail hour.
I had some amazing cocktails, bro.
It was like some of the most memorable cocktails ever.
I don't know.
I like it.
We had caviar.
We had a whole thing.
You didn't want to drink too much.
Out of respect.
That's the other thing.
I didn't want to drink too much.
Out of respect.
Out of respect.
That's good stuff.
So, yeah.
That's a good situation.
But that's what I was out there.
I was just doing my thing.
You know what I mean?
And then I came.
I came when we came back in when you guys were making your entrance.
We were, you know, that was on us.
That was on us.
But we got there.
We eventually got there.
Vala did tell us also that brown people are always late.
Oh, yeah.
Vala said that y'all are always late.
So it didn't matter.
He did say that.
I was super racist that he said that.
Yeah, it was.
It's all about Vala.
He did say this.
Gully, Gully, Jordan.
Pakistan Jordan.
Gully, Gully, Joy.
Pakistan Jordan.
Gully, Gully, Joy.
Hey, Pakistan, Jordan.
Gully, Gully, Joy.
Hey, Pakistan, Jordan.
Gully, Gully, Jordan.
Pakistan Jordan.
Rap, rap, rat, rap, rap, rap, rap.
Woo, woo.
This shit is fire.
Yeah.
I think we need intros.
Yeah, we need that.
We're just a band.
It's like the Punjabi 85.
85 Far East.
So, yeah, most of it was Vala's fault, if anything.
I believe that.
That's a fact.
I'm inclined to believe it.
He made his intentions known.
There.
That motherfucker pulled up in war colors, son.
For your days.
For your days.
And he was on the bubble for the invite.
He was 17th seed, if we honest.
If we honest, I just met this man.
I was like, I like him.
That motherfucker.
And then he pulled up declaring war from day one.
Yo, that's wild.
No respect.
That is super fucking wild.
That's unreal.
Yo, should we just fuck him up?
Yo, we should just fuck Vala up one time, bro.
Just fuck this guy up.
Yo, son, you know, come in.
We got to switch topics.
You know who we definitely got to fuck up?
Who?
Miles, son.
Why Miles?
Oh, my God, son.
Miles is the biggest fucking idiot.
I can't wait till he gets him.
So this guy is so fucking stupid.
It's unbelievable.
Remember when I said Miles would fuck a rake?
Miles would let the rake fuck him.
That's how dumb Miles is.
It's unbelievable.
That being said, he's looking handsome as fuck now that he's losing weight.
Yeah, he is.
Oh, yeah.
It's a problem for you.
I would say, I've never seen bullying work this effectively in my life, bro.
Bullying works.
Miles will pick up like something like it was like a fig bar.
Fig Newton wasn't even that unknown.
You want to eat a fig newton in front of me?
You smacked it out of his hand.
Just I did.
Look at it and smack him in his lips.
Next time I'm going to slap him right in his face front.
You hurt his feelings the way it hurts me.
He's eating dessert.
You're like, oh, you're a little fat boy, huh?
It's like sad.
It's honestly sad.
But it works.
That motherfucker's getting skinny.
You can see his chin again.
He looks handsome as fuck.
He's gosling, bro.
When he's skinny, that's Miles Gosling.
Yeah, anyway, this fucking idiot.
Son, I love Miles.
I love him.
It sounds like you do.
But listen, there's a reason why he's here.
Motherfucker dedicated his life to this shit, right?
Yeah.
He was, I don't know if you guys know Miles, but we started working with Miles.
We were doing a turn your phone videos.
Right.
He was cooking up these images for it.
They were absolutely great.
We get him to quit his job to do the Netflix special with no protection that there will be a job afterwards.
Right?
I mean, he poured his heart and soul into that.
We had to make room for him.
We literally had to make room for him, and then he ends up running the show.
Yeah.
Like, we restructured some things.
We're like, Miles, it's yours.
You tell them all what to do, managed it, did a fucking absolutely amazing job.
So much so that we were doing our, we were searching for the editor, right?
Who's going to be the flagrant editor, blah, blah, blah.
And I said, listen, we can't leave this guy alone.
You know, he did a video for, he did a submission.
It was horrible.
But this guy dedicated so much of his life, took a big risk.
We're like, we got to hire him.
He would legit sleep here for like nights in a row.
Just sleep here on the phone.
He still is a cot here today.
He sleeps.
It's getting too nice.
This is getting way too nice.
Okay, well, we got to build it up.
We got to build it up.
I'm not going to build it.
We'll take it down.
So if you're wondering who won the Flagrant Editor contest, it's Miles.
That being said, we do have Vala from the same competition, right?
And Shifty.
Well, get there.
We'll get there.
We'll get there, right?
So we have Vala from the same, we have Vala from the same competition.
Vala's one of the people that was submitting an absolutely amazing content.
So now we picked up Vala.
Valo's on the team right now, right?
We're looking for someone to help us out this summer.
We obviously got the big tour this summer.
So we're like, who else was submitting for the video contest for the editing contest?
There was this kid, Shifty, right?
That we thought was absolutely amazing.
Okay.
And we're like, let's see what he's doing this summer.
Okay.
He was already doing some videos for us.
He was always doing some videos for WTF Media Studios.
We're always sending him like Brilliant Idiots clips and that kind of stuff.
Maybe he'll move out here this summer.
So we hit him up.
We're like, the kid, you're fucking great.
How old are you?
He's like, I'm 18 years old.
I just graduated high school.
Amazing.
Okay.
Tells me this story that I thought was really cool.
He's working at fucking Home Depot, right?
Says to his boss at Home Depot.
He goes, What do you want out of this?
What are you trying to do?
What are you going to do?
He goes, well, honestly, I'd really love to work for Schultz Studios.
That's like my dream.
And his boss at Home Depot goes, yeah, there's no way that'll ever happen.
Why don't you be a little more realistic?
Blah, blah, blah.
Like out of a fucking high school movie.
Yeah.
Right?
And then last week, he gets to walk into his boss's office and quit saying he's going to work for Schultz Studios.
Moves across the country.
That's fine.
Comes here.
Now, we know he's coming.
A week before he comes, fucking idiot Miles, Miles Gosling, goes, hey, guys, I just want to give you some useless piece of information.
Guys, have I given you some useless information yet?
Hey, guys.
So, guys, are you familiar with Shifty's sexuality?
We go, no.
Why would we be familiar with sexuality?
He goes, oh, well, I think he might be gay.
We'll go, why would you think he's gay?
Quitting To Work For Schultz00:12:46
Like, you talk to him or something like that?
He goes, he goes, no, he posted something on his story.
There was like an image of like a pro LGBT bi.
He was like, pro-buy.
Like, I've never seen anybody pro-buy, but he was like, pro-bi, right?
Or something like that.
And we're like, well, fuck.
Well, if he's pro-buy, he's got to be gay, I guess.
Okay.
So he goes, well, I just wanted to let you guys know that and make sure everything's good.
And we're like, yeah, well, we don't care, but you know, whatever.
We were some wild boys who say a lot of words.
And, you know, we'll just make sure he's comfy with it.
So all of a sudden, the fucking avalanche begins.
Miles brings me aside.
He goes, bro, he's young.
It's a new generation.
Like, they're a little bit more sensitive with like words and ideas.
Maybe you want to pull him aside and kind of like talk to him and like just make sure that he's comfortable when he comes here.
And I'm like, all right, I guess.
I mean, like, he's just going to hear it and then get comfortable or he's not going to get comfortable.
Dove comes up and he goes, I think we should have him sign an NDA.
If anything goes south here, I don't want it to get back on us.
You know, he's a young kid, it's a new generation.
They don't like any words.
He probably doesn't even have his pronouns are in his body.
You know, everybody's fucking spiraling, right?
Come back to Miles.
Miles, like, I'm going to pick him up at the airport just in case there's any gay hate out there or something like that.
We just want to make sure that he gets the proud boys were going to come and several months.
So waiting for Shifty at that.
Another gay moving to New York or put a stop to it now.
Yeah.
Right?
So, uh, meanwhile, the whole time, Al is just like, can we still say the word we like to say?
That's a fact.
Or how do we get around this, right?
So, that's a fact.
90s Al was having a problem.
We're sitting around.
The kid comes in, super sweet kid, right?
Sits down, right?
We're all hanging out, right?
All of us are around the table waiting for me to ask.
Also, doing the gayest activity ever, watching soccer.
We're watching soccer.
See if he was really into it, right?
Wasn't falling for the bait.
So we're sitting there and we're just trying to have a conversation.
We're just like, Yeah, so what's up?
Like, how's everything going?
And like, Mark's got this shit in my head where I need to like make sure he's okay with bad words and shit like that, right?
So, I'm like, Yo, I just want to let you know, like, we're some wild boys over here, right?
And I realize now, like, that sounds super wild boy, like you might get your dick sucked working out.
You know what I mean?
Tell your cousin, though, if he looks for a lot of yo, we're some wild boys, like, you know, we say like crazy shit, like you listen to a podcast.
He's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then he says this to me: He goes, I noticed there's like one word you don't say, and then we're like, What do you mean?
He goes, Well, yeah, you bleep the you know, maggot with an F.
Yeah, and I go, Well, yeah, you know, we don't, you know, yeah, we don't like saying, you know, I mean, like, you get settled for that word.
You think he's being like, What's that odd in this moment, right?
Yeah, so I'm not, he's like, Yeah, but like, you don't bleep the N-word, and we're like, Well, only Al says it, he's allowed to say it, and then he goes, Well, if there was a gay person here, like, would you feel more comfortable saying that word?
Oh my god, we're all licking our lips.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like I'm facing away, but the moment he breaks this up, I go, It's like on the school bus, bro.
I'm just staring at Andrew, just oh, yeah, it's coming.
I'm locked in, right?
I don't know where to go.
I'm like, Is he with me right now?
Is he trying to go over the top?
Like, is he going over the top?
And then, like, as a way to get me super comfortable, because he's gonna prove how comfortable he is with it, right?
You know, some kind of crazy shit.
I don't know what's going on, but it's next-level psychological warfare that Gen Z is aware of, but us boomers are not, okay?
So, I'm like, All right, how do I handle it?
I'm like, nah, you know, we just kind of wild.
Al's the wildest, you know.
I just want to let you know, Al's racist, right?
So, I'm starting to get into the area of hate.
Like, Al's racist, like, so he make might make fun of your ass.
Like, what are you?
He's like, Oh, I'm like a quarter Mexican.
I was like, Oh, he's gonna make fun of you.
And then we start piling on with the racism to get us, you know, ease us in.
Yeah, yeah, open it, right?
Exactly, and then we tease him.
We're like, Hold on, you're a Mexican and you worked at Home Depot inside?
That's like good fucking jokes.
That's a great jokes.
And Al's kind of leaning in, and we're trying to get there.
We're trying to get there, and it's just nothing's getting close.
So, I just go, Yo, it's gonna be a crazy summer, you know what I mean?
Girls about to go wild in New York.
You got a girl and shit?
No, no, we start teasing, we start teasing Mark.
We go, like, oh, Mark, you're not the youngest anymore.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
And then we're like, We're like, Yeah, you know, you're about to steal all Mark's hoes because Mark can't get laid anymore.
And he goes, Man, I just lost my virginity like three months ago.
And we're like, and then he goes, Well, it depends what you count as virginity.
And I'm like, Oh, no, yeah, we're back.
Because remember, we're thinking, bye, yeah, you know what I mean?
So, maybe you were pushing some pussies when you were younger, but now you're getting your shit pushed in at 18.
We don't know what the fuck is going on, right?
So, so so, so we're looking, so I just go, fuck it, bro.
I just go, so what?
You got a girl or whatever?
And he goes, he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, how long you had your girl?
He goes, I've been with her for four years.
So I just go, hold on.
So you're not gay, yo?
He goes, no, why would you think I'm gay?
And then I doubled down because it still wasn't a good enough answer for me.
I was like, yo, did you lose your vision to a guy or a girl?
I was being super explicit.
Like, make that shit clear, bro.
Like, what was it?
Be honest.
And he's looking at us mad, perplexing.
What the fuck?
So, this whole time, by the way, Dove is in the Brilliant Idiot studio on a business call, on a Zoom call, right?
So he got no clue what's going on, right?
He don't know that he did.
Chifty came out the closet, went back in in the same half hour, right?
Three or four times, right?
So we're not guy.
We're like, Miles, why the fuck you think he's gay?
And then Miles was like the most woke, sweet, like liberal, like everybody all love.
He's like, why was he posting that gay shit on his Instagram?
Immediately, right?
Cut that homo shit out, son.
By being all homo for no reason on your Instagram story.
So we go, you sure you're not.
Yeah, yeah, bro.
I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about.
Like, all right.
So he's not gay, bro.
Tear up the NDA.
You know, Dove pops his head out because he wants me to come on this business call with this guy that's trying to do some business.
Very important.
I think the call is done, right?
So I just go, Dove!
Chifty's not a son.
The door just slams shut.
Back to the soul.
Oh, my God.
So officially, we welcome Vala and Shifty to the team.
Oh, fuck.
What else, guys?
What else?
How long you are making such stairs?
I forgot, bro.
I forgot.
You out, you out, you out, you out.
Get out of here, bro.
That motherfucker was standing whole wedding.
We need him.
We need him, bro.
He got that shit, bro.
They're warriors, son.
They're warriors.
Peggy, bro.
And then what's your Instagram so people can book you?
Navdeep Kundi.
Navdeep Kundi.
Spell it for him.
N-A-B-D-E-P-K-R-G-I.
Wait.
N-A-G.
I should have spelled it for him because you know we the spelling champions.
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait.
Come back here, son.
Come back here, son.
Come back here.
You know what time it is, bro.
Hit the Y. Hit the Y. You know what time?
What shit it is?
Listen.
India.
Hey, bro.
India took some L's this week, bro.
They lost one Hindu and they lost the spelling beat.
India getting embodied out here, bro.
Think about it.
What was that?
Hey, listen.
I think the rating is going to be a lot higher next year when we take that shit back.
No, y'all watch regardless.
Like, if anything, we watch regardless.
You got the Serena Williams.
They never cared before.
But now they're about to care.
Exactly.
And they're going to lose.
Once we start caring, we take over.
Once we start caring, we take over.
We're not going to take over spelling.
Bro, it's already been taken over.
It's done.
Like, it's done.
We got that.
This is bound to happen.
Tennis is done.
It's bound to happen.
Tennis is done.
All real sports is done.
Golfer, we took back golf.
Yeah, we gave it back.
Yeah, and do not count soccer because y'all whiffed this weekend for England.
Holy shit.
I thought it was a Black Lives Matter protest when I was watching that thing.
The whole time.
I'm like, come on, Black God.
Come on, Black Eye.
It was crazy.
And France.
Blacks suck at soccer, yo.
Yo, real talk.
Yeah, because we're good at sports.
That's why.
So it's like, we don't play the kickball shit.
Leave it to them.
Running around, getting heart attacks.
From one of my favorite movies about racial unity, White Men Can't Jump.
Sun even shines on a dog's ass sometimes.
Wow!
Sometimes, bro.
Wow.
You're going to make fun of how Stella got her wait.
What's the movie where she spells good?
Akeli and the B.
Oh, yeah.
Akila the B. Stella got a spelling.
But it's crazy.
Shorty spelled better than Akach and hoops better than him, too.
Oh, yeah, she's nice.
She hoops.
She hoops, bro.
She hoops.
She's nice.
Did you ever have a spell and be champion at hoops?
She's nice at hoops.
I don't care if she's better than me at hoops.
She got you spelling.
She got you.
Spell Mariah.
Spell Mariah.
M-U-R-R-Y-A-H.
Nope.
I made that.
Wrong.
Let your people down again.
Alex, spell Mariah.
Me and Mariah.
Go back like games and mad dives.
Yeah, there we go.
Die.
Now, but how do you feel taking that massive L?
Nah, shit was an L, but we're going to be all right.
No, no, no, no.
You can't win them all.
Be honest, bro.
Like, let your racism fly.
That shit hurt, but we're going to be all right.
Huh?
If I'm being racist, it's better a black person than another Asian.
Okay.
I like it.
I'll take it.
I'm actually happy with black.
I would have hated the most a white person.
Then I'd have been competitively annoyed if it was another, like, a Chinese.
But I don't think Chinese can spell.
I don't know.
I don't think they can spell it.
I assume they do well enough, though.
Academically, that's spelling?
I don't think they're good spellers.
Academically, though, that's our main comic.
L's and R's, my bad.
But they don't have English in their language.
Like, you guys are learning English from a young age.
You go to India, there are people there that speak English.
But I'm just saying, academically, if they took spelling, we'd be like, oh, fuck.
Black people, that's the least, that's the least perfect.
You got nothing now.
All you got is that little fake baseball shit you bring.
Yo, y'all got fake baseball.
All right, Tyler.
I got fake baseball.
All right, be out, This is this is this.
All right, y'all.
Until next time.
Of course, exiting like those Indians did at that spelling.
Be gone, yo.
That was hurtful.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because you nerds keep falling asleep.
Okay?
Dorks, you can't fall asleep while playing your video games.
We need you playing those games so you don't shoot up schools.
You shoot up people during Call of Duty.
You do whatever the fuck you do at Fortnite.
I'll tell you what you're not doing.
It's playing with tits.
But if you're going to stay up all night playing video games, you're going to do with the best supplements in the game.
You know what those are?
Gamer sups, okay?
Gamer sups, by far the best in the business.
Sometimes we're using it when we're up editing late.
And by we, I mean Miles, okay?
Miles is all about the gamer subs.
You can't see him right now.
He's probably passed out after being up on gamer subs for 24 hours straight.
It's literally the best.
Let me tell you why it's the best.
It's the best because one, it's keto-friendly, Al.
It's keto-friendly.
Calorie-free.
It's calorie-free.
It's got the nootropics that help you sharpen your focus and increase reaction time.
Exactly what you need while you're gaming.
They got zero sugar.
They've got organic caffeine to maximize energy and endurance.
They've got no fillers, okay?
So it has better nutritional value.
They have six of the body's most crucial vitamins and minerals.
And they have electrolytes because you need to stay hydrated while you're sitting in the chair using minimal energy as you do gaming.
You know what the craziest thing is?
Those waifu cups that you blended up in, those are going for $300 to $500 on eBay.
No way.
These guys just sent us some.
I thought it was just like a little dork capsule.
You know what I mean?
These guys are in an anime or whatever, corny shit, because those are the only girls that they could sleep.
Under boob on the back.
These hornballs will pay you $500 for one of those fucking cups.
Also, if you go to gamersups.gg and you use the code flagrant at checkout, you're getting 10% off your order.
Again, that's gamersups.
G-A-M-E-R-S-U-P-P-S dot G-G.
Expensive Waifu Cups00:14:35
Use the promo code Flagrant.
Get that 10% off.
Let's get back to it.
Vala, is our coffee here?
I think we got here like 20 minutes ago.
Yo, you just making him a servant too?
Wow, it's amazing what happened.
Just snap at him next time.
Just call him Chaiwala.
Chaiwala, can you get he just called you Chaiwala, bro?
Yo, fuck him.
Have we told that story of the pod?
I don't know, that shit is so funny.
Yo, Vala says we're all walking in, and Mark is trying to like tease Vala a little bit, right?
And we're just walking into the studio, and then Vala turns to me in front of Mark and he goes, Yo, should I just fuck this guy up?
Like, as if Mark had no say in the matter, as if he would just have to stand there and fucking pay for it.
Vala, can you go?
Vala could go?
Oh, he could go.
He could go.
Oh, yeah.
This kid, he looks scrappy.
He got it in him.
This kid is sick, dog.
Yeah, I could tell.
You can look at him.
Yeah, I like that.
Oh, fuck.
All right, man.
Well, look, Lizzie, that was a long ass intro, man.
We were hoping for that to be like 10 minutes.
I think we're 59 minutes into the podcast.
But we got some shit to talk about.
It seems like you're not trying to dig into your loss in the spelling B, bro.
Yeah.
Having a French girl meet you guys.
Yo, shit out, chill out, chill out.
She's French, bro.
She's French.
She's fascinated.
She's French.
She's French.
Her baby's avant-garde.
Avant-garde.
Oh, she's as French as Mark is French.
Yeah, we're French, dog.
That's how French is.
We're French.
No, she just got a French name, but she's not French.
People do appropriate French names, though.
You got a lot of cares.
Okay, we'll take that.
Avant-garde, is that her name?
Yeah.
I mean, they got some fire names.
I'll give them that.
Oh, this shit is lit when you wear it above the ears, too.
Oh, yeah.
Like a fitted?
She looks retarded right now.
What if I hit that shit?
Oh, oh, what if I do that?
His ears are so red because they've been held down for years.
It's unbelievable, bro.
I felt like a Chinese girl in the 1600s.
They literally wrapped this shit so tight around the shit.
Nah, that's disrespectful.
What this one.
Yeah, this is the crown.
Come on, it's a crown.
Well, crowns are 360.
Nah, but it's disrespectful.
Ain't not even supposed to touch it with your hands.
Not too many.
Come on, son.
You disrespected the Yankees.
Okay.
But you do it anyway.
Nah, but don't disrespect.
Come on.
I read the rules.
Nobody texted me.
I read the rules.
Nobody texted me.
You're good.
You don't have to look at your phone for another two years.
Yeah, you're right.
What's that happens in two years?
Nothing.
I didn't think.
I wasn't saying nothing.
I was just using two years to arbitrate.
You make it seem like I was saying divorce.
No, no.
I wasn't even thinking that.
I was thinking, why you only say two years?
Oh, I don't know.
Let's take a break and reset.
This I keep on.
Do you know what this is called?
50?
It's called the Ramal.
Oh, the Ramal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I could keep, I could rock the Ramal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The mall works.
That's what you're going to wear in the girl direct if you don't want to wear the full bug.
Yo, am I jut?
Jay a jot?
A jot.
Yeah.
You're not a jot.
I'm a jot.
You said it correctly.
I said it right, right?
They said it wrong.
No, you're both stupid.
Both of y'all are jutting.
We jut.
Mark's not sick because he's gay.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
I'm sick.
No, you're not sick.
Am I a jut?
Yeah, you're a judge.
I was the first jut.
Yeah, you're the OG.
I'm the OG.
You're the OG job.
I'm just judged.
But I'm fine.
But are you a judge?
I'm jet now, baby.
Come on, Judd.
What do I have to do to be a judge?
I'm shooting cocks on Thursday.
Okay.
There's not one judge that gets down with it.
Motherfucker's schedules are cock suck.
Everybody looks just out of here.
I do be leaving there early on.
I don't suck cocks on Thursday.
No, you're not.
Why not?
I get my cock sucked on Thursday.
Whoa.
That's judging.
Yo, dude.
Oh, okay.
Shit, man.
Almost made me take off my Ramall.
It was getting hot in here, man.
It's getting super hot.
Yo, they caught Dove on the TV real quick.
They caught Dove on YouTube shopping during the podcast.
Because his computer be getting into the watch.
And they screenshot that shit.
Yo, why Dove's shopping during the podcast?
Oh, you're trying to buy.
Try to buy a Russian bride or something.
I think you were trying to buy the outfit for the.
Oh, yeah.
It's just tabs of Amazon.
People at the wedding could just see the creases from the bag it comes in.
They're like, Amazon purchase?
Yeah.
I was telling you, we don't look that closely.
It looks good.
Nah, y'all look good.
I look sharp.
Because I was getting compliments.
He got none.
Y'all be looking.
Akash's wife said, You look great.
You almost look like the hero.
She wanted to almost say that, which I guess is like the one, which I was so afraid.
Like, if she said, you look too good, too good.
No, no, no.
You shouldn't outshine you.
You look fantastic.
Yeah.
The fact, yeah, where is he from?
I don't know.
What planet is he from?
It must have been the mushrooms or something.
I was worried I was going to outshine you.
What?
Which, in fairness, Al has been saying that all week.
Yeah.
Okay, let's just be clear.
Nah, but I almost did.
Before the wedding, I go, I'm afraid I'm going to outshine everybody.
You weren't even close.
You weren't even close.
When y'all were like, Eliza, when y'all were like, I'm going to outdress you, I'm just going to get it.
It's your day.
I swear to God, I got this day over.
He could get work.
I didn't get this.
I swear to God, I think I said that's cute.
Tell them what you say he looked like.
Tell them what you said that.
Tell them what you said.
I didn't say it.
I said, he looked like a black and mile.
That's what you said.
Most fire shit to smoke.
Hey, the most fire shit to smoke.
Nah, he came looking like the Chinese slippers that they gave you at the fucking sales.
Day one and day two.
Both.
Day one and day two.
Second day was better.
Second day.
Third day.
They thought you were getting gay married, son, on the ceremony day because you had the beads covering your face.
Oh, yeah.
And you were being presented.
Usually it's the bride.
Not even that short term.
No, but in Muslim culture, the bride is covered her face, and then it gets revealed upon.
That's why the towel shit with Connor.
Your wife's a towel, mate.
Remember, she's fully covered.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's the meaning of that?
That's a Punjabi thing they told me to do, and they were like, you know, I didn't do it the whole time.
And I was like, everybody run the podcast.
You're going to see the exhaustion of not knowing and being tired of not knowing.
Bro, just Google it one time.
I'm going to Google it for you.
I'm going to Google it for you.
You were going to support the Indian CEO, Google, son.
The least you could do is use this platform.
Son, it's too much to know.
It's too much to know.
I'll give you that for the wedding because you had a lot of shit to memorize for that ceremony.
So much.
And then, like, there's so many little things that go into it.
You're just like, dude, I don't just tell me what to do.
I'll do it.
That's all I need to know.
Like, what is the significance?
It's too much.
There's no way I'm going to remember it anyway.
Son, I heard that you're not supposed to see the bride.
That whole tradition of not seeing the bride before the ceremony is for arranged marriages.
So you don't see how they look and turn away.
Is that true?
That's what I heard.
That's why, yeah, face is covered.
Everybody's covered.
It's like reveal right there when y'all getting married.
Because Indians gave us that shit.
That's a cultural thing that the Indians gave to the rest of the world.
At weddings?
No, it's not seeing the bride.
Because imagine if before the wedding, you had to tell your girl, like, no, you look great.
Like, you look awesome.
It's a gift that we get to just wait and she's got to get ready on her own.
Yeah.
Ah, I see what you're saying.
So thank you.
I've never heard that.
So learn something about your culture.
Everybody I know who got married, like the first generation, they all met once and they could say yes or no.
What did he say?
He's like, don't just spell it for you.
That's why he can't get the information.
He can't spell it.
I know.
I'm struggling these days.
I'm struggling these days.
Nah, I've never heard that.
My parents had the craziest arranged marriage story, which is they didn't know they were getting married until the day of.
My dad didn't.
That's true.
But every other, even couples their age are like, what?
Yeah, yeah.
Yo, this guy's crazy.
Yo, you are crazy.
Yo, Alex is crazy.
All right.
Now he's taking a break.
He's a wild boy.
Yo, you're also real shit.
Wild boy, son.
I'll one of the wildest boys I ever saw.
You know, whatever he's about to say, it was his.
I started dancing with my mom, son.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
He came up behind my mom doing Puerto Rican moves, bro.
Hey, she's throwing it back.
She was there.
That's why my dad wants to leave.
Oh, you made him leave.
Yeah, my guys.
I'm tired of these black guys dancing back because he forgets every time.
And it just seems like more black guys are just coming out to dance.
How many black guys are there here?
Jeez.
Yo, I want you to guess what your dad said to me on my wedding day and the day after when I saw him.
I want you to take one guess.
If you want to come out to the beach, seriously?
Oh, that's funny.
He's just his go-to thing.
He just now just points at me and just goes, Fire Island.
So funny.
Because my dad remembers like three conversation points.
One is like how expensive real estate is.
Two is an invitation to the beach house.
And then three is how did you guys meet?
Yeah.
Like if you're with your girl, how did you guys meet?
Those are the three things he always goes to.
He's the sweetest dude on earth.
Well, we got to take him up on it.
If he's invited you this many times, it's rude that you haven't taken off.
That's facts.
Yeah, that's facts.
That's facts.
You're congenious this guy.
You know what I mean?
Indulge him, bro.
He's inviting you.
Fire Island this summer.
That's what I'm talking about.
Wild boy.
Come and see my mom in a bathing suit with the ha.
Wild.
He can't do that.
It's your mom.
Yo.
Yo, y'all look wildly racist doing that in these outfits.
Oh, yeah, that's funny.
We have to defend ourselves.
We defend ourselves on social media.
We're not making fun of him.
We're not making fun of Native Americans.
We're not making fun of him, Jim.
We're making my mom stand.
We're trying to fuck my mom.
I'm not being racist.
I'm being incestuous.
Incestuous.
Sensitive to Southerners.
That's what it is.
Bro.
Yeah, you kind of look like a pirate right now, dog.
I am a pirate, son.
They got the Kirby swords.
That's a good point.
Right?
The Warriors.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
They're out here.
CNCM Sala Beam and shit.
Are there sailors?
Are there Indian sailors?
Yes.
Oh, there was?
Yep.
Oh, who?
The Pashmashi.
Oh, also.
This guy's crazy.
Al, you are a wild boy.
You are one of the wildest boys.
So, Al, you are a wild fucking boy.
Son, I'm going to speak.
Son, you're crazy, bro.
You are the craziest wild boy I've ever seen in my life.
Oh, my gosh.
Andrew was inspired by your wedding.
And for his wedding, he's going to be taking some of the customs.
Yes, I am.
Oh, he was telling me that.
Which ones?
Which ones was I going to do?
Which ones was I going to do?
Well, you're doing some of the Hindu ones.
Yes.
You're going to do the fire.
Going to do the fire.
Yeah.
I didn't see no fire.
No, they did.
That was at the other one.
Oh, was that the one y'all weren't invited to?
Yeah.
The one that Andrew was going to have to go to.
I was there.
I was there.
You don't think I got that Zoom link?
Okay.
I was there for the whole fucking thing.
Yeah, just go on.
Jeffrey Tuba's thyroid.
Put out the fire.
Just looking at his cousin.
I moved the screen to Ahmed and I was just beating away.
Son, you've met him before.
Huh?
He was at the old studio.
He sat in for a full-ass episode.
I would remember.
I was hoping we would talk about how he was there.
Maybe he didn't have a haircut.
I wanted to grab his face like that and just squeeze his lips together.
Yeah.
He probably didn't grow into his beauty yet.
Yeah.
Yo, we find this guy on social.
We should shout out his IG.
No, no, no.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
That's why.
That's my.
That's mine.
Check that.
We never gonna get that.
Save him for the set, bro.
Yeah, dog.
I'm at underscore R-A-G-H-G.
Nah, that's my pussy, son.
That's paid.
Yeah, that's only cruel, dog.
Yeah, come on, y'all.
Take that.
This guy's some clothes.
Nah, nah, nah.
He don't got a girl?
Nah.
Oh, he gets.
Oh, my God.
That motherfucker, too pretty to be straight.
I'm sorry.
Hey, nah, he's too pretty.
Let's get him some hot dudes then.
I didn't realize how I'm sitting.
This shit look racist.
I thought you were about to start floating any second now, bro.
Holy shit.
Why don't you tell me, son?
You better float away.
It's good money.
You're fitting in.
You're good.
Son, you don't realize how privileged we are in the first world, son.
Where they got right and left sneakers.
Yeah.
Son, that's a privilege you didn't realize you had.
In India, they just got sneakers.
Yep.
And switch them either way.
It doesn't matter.
Yeah, we can't adjust to your foot.
That's amazing, son.
Yeah.
Save a lot of money that way, though.
Yeah.
You don't got to make all these different kinds of shoes.
That's what we're trying to do all the time.
Also, I do want to apologize to the Tuk-Tuk driver, the Rickshaw guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Because Al tried to set me up to try to take out the whole wedding.
Oh, I tried to set you up.
Him and Miles, they are two kids, and they're like, oh my God, let's get a picture in the fucking car or whatever.
I did that too.
It's fun with that.
Yeah, you're a child too.
Just children.
You also got a picture, dog.
I'm like, you know, like, we're at a fucking wedding.
I jumped in.
I get my pick real quick.
I wanted to be respectful, obviously.
So I jumped off.
And Al was like, no, no, no, jump back in.
Get back in.
We'll take another picture.
And so the Tuk-Tuk is here, and there's probably 400 people behind the Tuk-Tuk in like perfect, like lined up right behind it.
And then me and Miles jump in, and then Al pushes it, and it starts rolling back.
Why you try to put the dog B?
Boss put the shit in neutral, and that shit just started rolling.
And it almost took out a few of your aunties.
Yeah.
Wow.
And people were screaming and running out of the way.
So I want to apologize for that.
Yo, my mom got hurt there.
Probably because you're from Clay.
From the Tuk-Tuck?
She got hurt there.
And then she got hurt at the reception.
Poor lady fell.
We thought she broke her wrist that she did not.
She got X-rayed?
She got X-rayed.
Luckily, it's negative.
She's okay.
Oh, but what a warrior, though.
She fell dancing and then jumped back up and kept dancing.
Son, I didn't even know.
I didn't even know until I saw her after.
I saw her on the bus.
I was like, what the fuck is going on?
Bad, son.
Nah, she wouldn't tell me.
Well, I saw her wrapped up, and like, as I'm on stage and they're doing speeches, I'm like, what's going on?
I think I got off stage when checked on her.
Oh, yeah, Andrew didn't see it either because he was late.
You could have saved her.
You could have stood behind her, maybe caught her as she fell, but instead you let her fall to the ground.
The hard New Jersey soil.
How dare you?
Son, I will fuck you up.
Yo, should I just fuck this guy up?
Warrior Dancing After Fall00:02:12
Should I just fuck this guy?
Yo, guys, get your cousin over here, dog.
Yo, should I just fuck that guy?
Seriously, dude.
Can we just fucking spit roast your cousin, dude?
Can we just bring him into the brilliant studio and then just put him on those like old-timey punishment things when you're in the middle of the square?
The stocks?
The stocks.
Let's put him on the stocks method.
Are you talking about what William Wallace got put on?
Yo, Al, you're crazy, son.
This guy's too wild, son.
You are fucking racist.
Stop.
I'm telling you, stop.
You are racist.
I'm telling you, stop.
Yo, this guy is so crazy, son.
He's a wild boy.
He's just a wild boy.
You're a wild boy.
He's a wild boy.
All right, bro.
We got ass.
Let's take a break and regroup.
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Now let's get back to the shit.
10% body fat or less for the tour.
This is very important.
Everybody got to get under 10%.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
Vol is swelling up.
This guy's swelling up.
I'm not going to do it.
No, it's true.
Don't say that.
Swelling up.
I'll take it.
Free Money Gambling Bonus00:06:10
I'm chilling.
10% or less, dude.
We are superstars.
We're rock stars, bro.
We got to be shredded on this.
I came back from Miami, son.
I've barely seen the gym.
I need to get my ass.
Get back into it, dog.
You got to be under 10%.
Okay.
What are you going to do?
Say what?
What are you going to be at?
I have to carry a little more weight because this is a...
Son, I ain't getting married to lose weight.
I'm going to tell you that shit right now.
Dude, come on.
Akash.
All right, fine.
Just the camera, guys.
Under 10% body fat.
Okay, just the people behind the camera.
Yeah, it's part of the brand that we're like a little, you know, bigger.
That's what it is.
We're getting a little bigger.
We're showing a little bit more success.
We're doing it more third world.
We come out too skinny and they think we pale and fat.
Let's go.
And gout.
Yeah.
Yeah, we all got gout, bro.
The fuck you going for?
Not to work out.
Yeah, gout boys, dog.
Yo, we the gout boys.
Gout boys.
Yeah.
Anyway, so as a wild boy, let's get into it, bro.
We got a lot of shit going on, dogs.
We got Americans fake caring about Cuba.
What y'all think about that?
What y'all fake caring about today?
What do you think about that?
The fake caring about Cuba.
I thought it was interesting they're protesting in Cuba.
Well, yeah.
That's where I'm like, that's interesting.
With protesting here.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, we're protesting something.
Who gives a fuck?
Yeah, that's a swap meet.
That's just a swap me.
A bunch of Cubans getting together, bro.
That's nothing.
But we got to support it.
Those are people.
They took care of us when we were down in Miami.
So we rock with the Cubans.
For sure.
But what I'm curious about is why this is becoming like a national news story, right?
Like the American press has given this a lot of juice.
That's a good point.
Because I will say, when I said the first time in 25 years, I was like, that's kind of a long time.
Yeah, 25 years is kind of long.
It's not so.
I thought it was like fucking 75, 80.
Like, I thought since Castro's in power.
And the 90s.
You're not really going to fucking protest.
90 was like Elian, dog.
Yeah, they were protesting in the 90s.
I don't know why, but that's 25 years ago.
Son, I got the feeling.
I got the feeling.
And just because I scroll read it, I got this feeling.
I think we got the same feeling.
Okay.
This is America trying to shore up the Western hemisphere, dogs.
Color revolution.
That's what?
Color revolution.
They go in.
They're just like, all right, swap out the guards.
America's like, all right, the jig is up.
Oh, color revolution.
Okay.
I thought there was more of like a racial undertone.
No, no, no.
Okay.
But America's going to go in and they're going to like pluck out the dictator, put in their guy.
Yes.
And then lock it up.
I wonder if Haiti's got something to do with this as well.
Because China's been trying to make their way into the West, right?
They've been trying to make their way into the Caribbean.
They've had like five different countries there sign on to like the Belt, Belt and Road Initiative or something like that.
Basically, what that is, I'm sure they received some sort of economic resources, but the idea is they could like facilitate certain Chinese ideas that they want.
And I think America is basically going, all right.
One thing that I read, it could be absolute bullshit.
It's like, we're pulling out of the Middle East because it's too expensive.
I think we just left Afghanistan.
Didn't even tell them, motherfuckers, Irish goodbye.
You know what I mean?
Like, you didn't have your country.
You woke up the next day.
It's yours.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Left a note, maybe.
Maybe.
Just left you to base.
But what's crazy is that people were complaining that, oh, Biden's going to bring us back into war, and now he's pulling out.
And now people are knocking him for pulling out so quick.
It's like you can't do anything right.
100%.
It's like, you want us to be there or not?
Even the Afghan president was like, they didn't say goodbye.
Motherfucker, what you want?
Salutations, motherfuckers.
Oh, now we're friends.
Enjoy.
Now we friends.
Enjoy your heroin feels.
So, so what people were saying is that China's trying to get into the Caribbean, trying to get their influence into South America, Central America.
Of course, makes sense.
I'm sure that's what we would do out there in Asia.
And maybe we realize, okay, it's going to be hard to compete on a global scale, right?
With China.
So what we got to do is shore up our part of the world.
So maybe one way of looking at it is like, listen, we got North America, South America, Central America, I guess, and Europe.
And then they potentially got the rest.
The tricky thing is the rest could be the Middle East.
You know?
And I don't think so because we just have so many bases out there, so much influence, and so much protection for certain countries that absolutely need it.
But we got to figure out who divides that important part.
If they want to take Asia, all right.
I don't think they get India, though.
I think the U.S. is going to try to prop up India.
And that's a like all jokes aside, that's a billion people, just raw numbers.
Yeah.
1.4 billion or whatever out of eight.
I hope India is not the proxy war, to be honest with you.
Like, I hope we don't fight our war with China through India.
That could happen.
But that's dangerous because India's got nukes, bro.
Like, proxy wars got to happen between people that don't have real weapons or crazy, crazy weapons.
Yeah.
So you still get casualties, but you're not having like global economic destruction.
Yeah.
But once a nuke goes off, yeah, I thought it would be over Africa.
I thought we were going to try to get some of that back because China has almost all of Africa.
They just went all in on Africa, son.
Very smart, also.
That's real smart.
Hopefully, we took out all the resources and all the athletes and everything.
And like, yeah, we got a couple UFC fighters out of that.
Did we get them out safe?
We got them all out safe.
Maybe that's it.
Maybe that's how the U.S. is going to take back Africa.
Hey, we're going to prop up this Western-ass event, UFC, a lot of spectacle, and y'all are going to be the best.
Yeah, son.
Can I be honest with you?
We're going to win that culture war.
Team USA lost to Nigeria basketball.
If I'm China, son, I am propping up the most modernized African nations that are invested culturally in certain sports that are popular in the West, basketball being one of them.
And I'm just dumping bread in.
I'm dumping Bread because it looks horrible for America when we lose in our sports.
We lose in soccer, nobody really gives a fuck.
But if we start losing in basketball, baseball.
How the fuck did you lose to J. Cole's league?
Yo, J. Cole is really a legend, bro.
J. Cole was dropping buckets in the league.
We can't beat these motherfuckers.
Come on, yo.
Come on, bro.
This is a disaster.
How do we lose to Nigeria, dog?
Come on.
It's not the actual All-Stars, right?
Kevin Durant's on that team.
Dave Lillard on that team.
They lost in Nigeria?
Nigeria All-Star Disaster00:15:35
Yeah.
Nigeria hit like 26 threes or something like that.
I don't care.
How you let him hit 26 threes?
That's a good ass point, son.
You made a good ass point right there, son.
That's a good ass point.
And I can't even blame the finals.
How they scored more points than our team scored points.
Yeah, fucked up that they would do that.
Why good ass points, Mars?
Why was they good ass points?
Tighten up your niggas.
They weren't trying to give it up.
I'll give it up.
They would be somebody.
I come through.
I give it to you when you're talking about.
You don't know sports, dog.
You're talking about soccer.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You want to talk about that soccer shit?
Oh, no, back to what we were talking about, the Cuba thing.
So I think obviously anytime there's like a freedom fight in Cuba, right?
Same way what happens with like in Venezuela.
It's like we almost like use these countries as reasons for why America shouldn't, and I'm going to put this in quotes, like devolve into socialism.
Some people might assume that's evolution, but it doesn't matter.
But like they just stand there.
So as long as Venezuela looks shitty, we get to go, see what socialism?
Yeah.
See what universal health care.
See?
Yeah.
I mean, don't look over there in Europe, but like, see what happens, you know?
And Cuba as well.
Like, as long as people are suffering in Cuba, Americans, like conservative Americans, they don't love that they're suffering, but they love that they get to change.
When has communism ever worked?
Exactly.
Yeah, exactly.
It's that same thing.
And every, I mean, America's done it over and over.
Like, the most famous one was the modern art during the Cold War.
Oh, you.
Do you remember talking about this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, I don't know if we talk about it here, but like, basically, CIA was dumping money into like modern art.
Like Jackson Pollock guys, like, like these like postmodernist, like expressionist guys, like some real free form to try to like push, like create a culture war against like the Russians.
Yeah.
They're like Russian art is like so structured and brutalist.
But look at us, bro.
We're free.
You can do anything.
Like art is whatever you want it to be.
And that is such an intoxicating idea.
Yeah.
Freedom is so intoxicating.
Look at our art.
Look at our music.
Look at our movies.
Everything is just free.
But it's kind of wild that you like completely discredit those artists.
Like you thought that they were like super talented once in a life.
I have a gift from God.
Nah, I never understood that.
The CIA boss was just like, yeah, that fucking weirdo who's just nutting all over the campus to make him a millionaire.
Isn't that crazy?
That they can dictate what we like.
It is crazy.
And I bet they're even more effective now with the internet.
Like back in the day, you had to convince motherfuckers with magazines and they had to like sit there and read.
They're affecting it because they own the social media.
Ah.
Like you promote the shit that's pop.
Apparently they're like, I don't, I read this.
I'm not positive how accurate it is, but like they're blocking TikTok users that have like Black Lives Matter in their bio.
Or like they're suppressing their views and stuff.
Wow.
Like because we know for a fact that they could turn the lever on.
Academics told us that shit.
Yeah.
So they can just promote whatever the fuck they want.
Same thing happened.
We're witnessing, we're falling back into it.
Like first thing happened with music.
Now the music companies have complete control who the artists are going to be successful, who aren't.
Like that's back to them.
And we're probably going to witness a similar thing happen with social media companies as well.
So you think they're going to go do similar to what they did with Russia where like something incredibly American and free becomes like really popular in the art world?
You never know.
Maybe.
I mean, like, I don't know if Jackson Pollock and them were seen as like universally American, but they did seem like the complete opposite of what Russian art was at the time.
Yes.
Right.
Like there is a, and I don't know, maybe that they do that.
Maybe they do it here.
Maybe they showcase, I don't know.
That's a great question.
And you, I want the U.S. to win this war because you can, the American government is not perfect by any stretch.
But if you think the Chinese government is better to live under, you're a fucking idiot.
And we need to win this war.
And our only real chance is culture war.
Yo, you know what we got to do?
We got to do what the Jews do, but like the opposite.
You know how like if you're Jewish, you can go to Israel.
They'll just pay for your trip because they're like, yo, being Jewish is so dope.
You won't want to be Jewish for the rest of your life.
Fuck.
But we'll pay for your trip to go to China.
Yeah.
And then after you go there, you'll come back.
I will fight for this country with every red blood cell in my body.
Not when you come back, if you come back.
If you come back, right?
We got to start promoting travel.
Get everybody a passport.
See how bullshit is out there, bro.
Real talk.
America's not traveling enough.
They don't know how shitty the world is.
You think America does that with Korean pop-ins?
What do you mean?
They're like, yo, let's throw a bunch of money at BTS.
Let's blow them up crazy.
Because if we have these Korean guys popping, that's going to piss China off.
It's not a Korean or not a Chinese group.
We're going to make their enemies pop off.
That's an interesting take.
I don't know.
If anything, I would think that they would promote American-ness, right?
But it does show that we're accepting.
You go over there.
If you adopt Western light, we'll still let you in here.
You could be the biggest band in the world.
It doesn't matter if you're Asian.
Yeah, anybody in Asia.
Just come do our stuff.
Are you talking about like through a reward structure?
Are you like?
Yeah.
I see what you're saying.
Yes, yes, yes.
Let's put on all of China's enemies.
As long as they conform to American standards of entertainment.
Yes.
Yeah, Rock With Us will make you superstars over here and just like piss off.
Are there any like Chinese superstars like as far as like in China that are have blood over?
I don't think Yao Ming.
Yeah, I don't know if China will allow it.
China, it was tough to get Yao Ming over.
Anytime there's a good Chinese baseball player, I think it's tough to get them over.
It's like it's tough to get people from China because the Chinese government is like not.
That's not baseball like that.
I always thought it was like Koreans and Chinese.
I remember with Yao, it was tough to get Yao to America.
The Chinese government was not letting him over.
But the government decides whether or not you get to come play.
And so it's really tough to get those guys over.
So you're not going to see Chinese superstars in America because China won't let that shit happen.
That's their guy.
So what we can do, to your point, is make everybody else famous in America and then get all of their people.
Like if you're Korean, you're looking at BTS, like they're the biggest band in the world.
I love these guys.
And if they're super Western and super like into freedom and expression and all that, that's the culture I want to be a part of.
That's the cool culture.
And low-key, there's not as much of a reason for them to come over because you can get breaded out there.
Oh, yeah.
Like they have the population.
If you're the biggest artist in Trinidad and Tobago, you need to break out somewhere.
You know what I'm saying?
The biggest, the biggest, I don't know, dance hall artists in Trinidad and Tobago got a day job.
If he hasn't broken out into at least the other parts of the Caribbean, Europe, America, you need the population density at a bare minimum.
So, yeah, man, it's tricky.
You know what?
Reading this Cuba stuff, you know what I thought was when I thought maybe the U.S. is doing some shit is when Biden started talking about it, then I was like, oh, maybe this is like a part of, they're trying to get Castro out of there.
And it couldn't have started.
He's out.
You're talking about like his family.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Like the communist regime out of there.
And I was wondering if it started eight years ago when Obama was like, hey, let's start letting people back into Cuba.
Instead of saying, fuck you, communism, you're not allowed to do business with us.
That clearly didn't work.
Casper was still in power.
His family was still in power.
All right, so let's just open it up.
Let's just get them exposed to the West again.
Let's start doing this thing.
And then we'll just get them the fuck out of there.
My understanding was.
Nothing happened with Trump.
No, no, no.
This is Biden.
I mean, Obama to Biden.
There was a gap in between.
Four years.
The people are saying that's really interesting because people were saying that the riots were about economic frustration, right?
Like, obviously, because of COVID, they're spiking again, not enough vaccines, not enough access to the hospital.
So they're saying it was frustration due to lives being lost, right?
And their economy, I think, is down 10%.
This is already a depressed economy.
I'm sure that has to do with tourism and a lack of tourism.
But they have a curfew at like 9 o'clock and shit like that.
And they said a lot of protesters went back at 9, but still, I like that idea.
Like, maybe this is the way that you infiltrate.
You get some spies in there.
And low-key, it's kind of like payback for what Castro did to us.
Remember when we were like, all right, we'll let you guys send some people back home?
And he sent all like the murderers and rapists and shit like that?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That was his.
I think he put them all in jail.
And then when we gave him a plane to send people back home, he sent the people he didn't want on the island no more.
Motherfucker.
That's a ballsy move, son.
Yeah, no, I like Akash Take because it's like when you open it up and then Americans start going over there and now Cubans are seeing all the shit they're missing out on.
It's like, oh, wow, Americans are here.
Where is it?
They're free.
They do whatever they want.
They're nice.
They got money.
They get to do whatever.
Like they sit in a lifestyle that they aren't living.
And so now they're more likely to speak out against that government.
That is a great point because our greatest tool is our culture.
And if we can't share a culture, it's like, why does China limit so many movies?
Why is China limit so many TV shows?
Why does it limit all of our, like, not all, but a lot of our musicians and shit?
Because that stranglehold that we'll have over your people is through our culture.
Russia did the same thing.
They banned all American movies all through the Cold War.
There's actually a Bollywood surge in Russia.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Because they were like, Yeah, you can't have any American movies.
So they're like, All right, you're going to have Indian movies.
So there's all these random Russian 40-year-olds.
They're like, Yeah, we fucking love Bollywood.
Yeah, it's weird.
Yeah, really?
It is crazy how big it is.
It's like in Africa, they love Bollywood.
The Middle East, they love Bollywood.
Russia, I'd heard they live Bollywood in certain parts.
And I didn't know it was necessarily because of communism, but yeah, it is.
It's a thing I noticed.
I see why.
So many people will be like, oh, I love Bollywood.
Bollywood is like your wedding.
So that shit is just a big ass party.
Many colors is lit.
Dancing.
Yeah.
It's all about joy.
Hero's journey.
Hero's journey.
Every single one.
Hero's journey.
And also, I thought about like why are all Bollywood movies always so like rich people and whatever?
Yeah, and for it is if you're a poor person, I don't want to see reality.
Fuck reality.
It sucks.
I want to escape.
Scar that, dog.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
So that makes sense.
You had mentioned that there might be some connection with the Cuba and Haiti shit.
I'm curious, like, if this is us shoring up the West, like, what you say, color war, right?
Is not it's basically going, like, all right, who is that president loyal to the Haitian president?
Does he have any loyalty to anybody else but us?
Oh, you do?
Adios.
Yeah, I don't know.
That shit was wild, though.
I'm kind of cynical with that.
Did y'all hear how it happened, though?
Like his own security that got hired.
And then, like, yeah, big group goes over there and then they start saying DEA, DEA.
So his security just lets them in because they're thinking it's a fucking American government.
Yeah.
And then they just took him and his wife out.
I mean, let's.
Oh, actually, the wife I think is still in critical condition.
Let's be honest.
Actually, it's wild, though.
Like, you need to get a team of those to get a team of those people down there into the country with certain weapons, with certain outfits.
It's not like you're just going to get that shit at the fucking Halloween store, right?
Have a certain connection to who he is.
It's going to take somebody with serious money and influence, even to get that close.
Yeah, right?
Like, I'm not saying it's the American government that's exercising it.
Maybe it's a foreign government.
Maybe it's fucking China.
Who knows?
But it's going to take somebody at the higher levels of power and influence to orchestrate something like that.
Also, somebody that could gain a ton.
Like, if you're just some like Russian billionaire, like, what do you gain from killing?
He doesn't do it because he said something mean to you.
No, that's not how the game works.
Like, at that point, you could say whatever you want.
We got billions of dollars at stake here.
Yeah.
So the fact that they were American could mean it's America.
Or if I was going to hire somebody, if I'm China or if I'm another country and I wanted to make sure we murked a president that wasn't doing the things that we wanted them to do, I wouldn't make sure that the passports led back to China.
Yeah.
Do you remember when the Russians took out that Russian oligarch in London?
He drank some tea.
I think his name was Berezovsky or something like that.
And he drank some tea and there was polonium in it or something like that.
You can trace radioactive material like physically trace it back to wherever it is.
And they traced it back to the hospital that those Russian guys that killed them were in Russia.
Yeah.
So you know they took him out.
Yeah.
Right.
So they're like, oh, we're not making that mistake again.
Yeah.
Why don't you hire people from the country that looks like it would benefit from this?
You hire some Americans that have Haitian descent to go handle business.
Now it looks like America got blood on their hands.
Right.
This shit is straight out of a bond movie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess you just have to see what the outcome is.
Like if the outcome is super beneficial to America, then it's like whoever, whoever benefits from this, yeah, did it.
Whoever actually benefits, not who optically could benefit, but like whoever actually has benefit from it.
Yeah.
Or like the next go-go, go.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm just cynical where, like, I don't know if there's been any like revolution in the last like 50 years that's not orchestrated by some government.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, but people are like, oh, yeah, like, these people in Iran are mad.
It's like, are they?
They're not.
He also had a lot of enemies, though.
Like, he didn't like the rich class because there's like a few families that just own everything in Haiti.
Yeah.
So he wasn't fucking with them.
So it could be one of these rich people.
Hey, let's get him the fuck out of here and not make it look like it was one of us.
Well, we know about the doctor who was arrested now, right?
So in Haiti, one of the suspects is a doctor that flew on a private jet, I think, a few days before, who the idea, the plan was that these guys were going to actually go into the presidential palace, take him to, I think, take him somewhere, a government building, and stage a coup.
And so he's in custody.
So trying to get him on that.
So they're saying he wasn't supposed to be killed.
But then when they described how the president was killed, I was like, yeah, he was.
Yeah, he was.
This was out of a movie, the description.
But that's the other thing that the conspiracy theorists will say, right?
Is that they'll say that like the CIA, the FBI, the NSA, like these institutions don't just work for the government.
They work for the rich people that benefit the most from the government.
So if you have a bunch of rich families who surely have like some ties to America or other places that can use their influence and the influence of their security apparatus to push things in their direction, this might be one of those things they got to push.
But this is a big conversation.
Like you take out a head of state.
I don't care if it's in a small country.
Anyone?
That's a big fucking deal, B. Like, there's something going on here.
There's something going on here.
Like, I know a lot of money got sent over there to Haiti, right?
Right.
That didn't really get to the Haitian people.
Remember when there was that hurricane?
Like, who knows if Homeboy was about to blow the top off of that?
I mean, there was even some criticism of how the Clinton Foundation handled that, wasn't there?
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
Remember, like, they were like kidnapping or not kidnapping.
They like adopted all those Haitian kids.
Remember the Clintons?
Yeah, that's tricky, right?
What do you mean?
There's like, they were trying to pin that on the Clintons, right?
That these kids were being stolen, but they were also being adopted.
And some of the parents were like, no, they weren't.
Yeah, it's not clear cut, obviously.
It's not clear.
And so it could possibly be that, but I don't think there's enough money in that.
I know it sounds fucked up, but like 14 kids being adopted or whatever it is, it sounds fucked up, but like, I don't think that's what moves the world.
I think billions of dollars moves the world.
And when billions were raised, or maybe tens of millions were raised to the Clinton Foundation and it just never got there.
And that president is like, oh, now we know where it went.
Ooh, this is cute.
Maybe some people need to know about where it went.
And there's another conspiracy going around that there's three countries.
I forgot the exact three, but I know Haiti's one of them that declined the vaccine.
These are the countries that they had a state.
Oh, you got to take it out.
Caribbean Vaccine Conspiracy00:02:01
Just to clarify the point on that, so the two of the Haitian Americans that are in custody, there's 21 now in custody, they told Haitian officials during questioning that their mission was not to kill the president, but to serve a 2019 arrest warrant that had been issued by a judge and take President Moise to the presidential palace.
There they would install Dr. Sandin, who's a Haitian American, as president.
And that was the source that reported.
And now the conspiracy is that one of the unanswered questions is that how this Dr. Sandon, who once filed for bankruptcy, could be behind such a costly conspiracy.
Some of the people arrested say they were being paid $3,000 a month and been living in Haiti since January.
So there is a lane you can look to right now.
Son, this shit is unanswered.
This shit is interesting because a lot of times what they could do is tell you, yeah, we're going to make you president.
That's what the real plan is.
You're about to be president.
We're going to go down there, stage a coup, and arrest this guy.
And you're like, I bet we got this.
And then you get down there and they merk that motherfucker and you're just sitting there arrested.
Yeah, you're a fucking Patsy.
You're the Patsy.
And what do they do with the Patsy?
Lock his ass up.
So he doesn't say nothing.
Right.
Or you take him out.
People who see this shit like looking 10, 20, 30, 50 years down the road, doing all like it's the brilliance of it.
Just the fucking level of thought that it takes, whether it's good or bad, good or evil, to do that is fucking crazy.
We're about to find some shit out, and very soon we're going to find out that there's like a huge oil well outside of Prince or something like that.
Like, we're going to find something out.
Some trade route, something big money, guaranteed.
Patrice and Mr. P, he says so many things that make so much sense.
But he said, uh, after the earthquakes in Haiti, he did this thing.
He goes, They're going to rebuild Haiti and like without Haitians and shit.
And this might also be the first step in that.
Like, we're going to put our guy in.
We're going to make this a nice little tourism.
That was the idea for Cuba before Castro.
If you watch The Godfather 2, Cuba was going to be just Vegas, but nicer weather.
It already was.
Fresh Meals Delivered Fast00:03:21
Yeah, okay.
It was.
It was like this big tourist destination Americans would go to, and I think they were getting in there to even build it up more.
But Americans would frequent it.
It was just a fun place to check.
So they might be doing that with a lot of these Caribbean islands.
And like, hey, let's just put our guys in there.
Let's make this nice little tour.
We'll make them money.
We'll make us money.
We got our government in there.
They could all, dude, these guys, again, these guys, I can't even comprehend the level of thought it takes to see all this, this entire globe as a chessboard.
And I'm thinking 10 moves ahead, and I'm competing against China right now.
They took out Russia, and China is more organized, and it's more dangerous, and it's more whatever.
So how do we get them out?
I don't know, man.
I don't know.
What else we got?
China is Watson, dog.
He playing chess against Watson.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second.
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Penalty Kick Mental Game00:14:56
USA or England play Italy.
Son, what is the British flag, son?
Which one is it?
Just England is white with the Red Cross.
When you're talking about Britain, all the groups, United Kingdom, then you're talking about the Olympics, they do Great Britain.
And then when it's just England, they do the white one with the Red Cross.
Okay.
I didn't know that.
I think so.
Yeah.
It's weird because technically those aren't like countries.
They're like sovereign states within Great Britain or whatever.
And then like Wales is a country.
And then Ireland is a country, but not Northern Ireland.
Yeah.
How does that shit work now that they're annexed?
I don't know.
I don't know how that should work.
Oh, no, because they're.
Wait, what do you mean?
Like, is England still part of the whole shit?
No, but they're still working on that Brexit shit.
But even if they Brexit, they're Brexit and With them.
Oh, yeah.
The Brexit is just the UN.
Exactly.
It's basically like Euro, rather.
Like, fucking, what do we got?
Puerto Rico and shit like that.
It's like, whatever America does, Puerto Rico's coming.
Oh, okay, okay.
You know?
But, yeah, I don't know.
It's interesting.
I saw the game.
That was one of the craziest finishes.
I didn't watch it.
What?
I didn't watch it.
Oh, okay.
It was a crazy kick.
Say what?
Penalty kicks?
Yeah, the penalty kicks were wild, and there's all these like fun conspiracies going on with it.
Obviously, like all the black dudes for England missed the penalties.
So everybody's upset at black dudes who missed the penalties.
But also, England fans suck, dude.
Yeah.
They just suck.
Why, why, why?
Well, like, British, like, hooliganism, like, is, like, something like people know about.
Like, they make movies about it where it's just like British SAR fans are just like fight and brawl with each other.
And it's just, like, vicious for like no reason.
It's their gangs.
Yeah, it's gang shit.
But, like, it means less.
Like, I don't know.
It's like, it just seems more super trivial because it's like about a sport.
It's soccer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Stop it.
But they just apply that to everything.
Like, so when the country's playing, they just go so crazy.
There's like super racist.
Like, you just realize that America is not the most racist.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Once you see the English fans going crazy, you're like, oh, yeah, we're bad, but we're not.
But the way we get around it is we just make sure all the athletes are black.
Yeah, not just the black ones can't let us go.
I hate LeBron.
Yeah, but I love all the other ones.
If it's just LeBron, it's like, oh, shit.
Exactly.
What kind of sport is that where white people can play it?
What a loose shit.
Tell me about it, bro.
Real talk.
And the black guy is the fastest on the field.
The best soccer players are white.
How crazy?
You know why you can't?
It's because it's a lot of jogging.
And white folks love jogging.
We do love a jogger.
The black guy can still be the fastest, but isn't it the sport of jogging?
Yeah.
So leisurely.
Yeah.
And there's a lot of like faking and like crying and like vicious acting.
That's the victim.
Like if white women play soccer, that's why American soccer team is amazing.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
You're right.
They all got pink hair.
Victim.
Yeah.
Pink hair, victim, right?
If you look like you're from Portland and you can cry a lot and be hurt and somebody's abusing you, if that's a sport, you know that America's going to win.
Once that's winning, all penalty kicks.
That's why the best actors come from overseas because they just have to act every time they get hurt.
They play soccer growing up.
Oh, shit.
That's what you were talking about.
The British actors are so good.
But they didn't go to acting school.
They were just on the pitch.
Acting school is the pitch.
Acting school is the pitch.
That's like an ankle.
Spray it with fucking barbasol or whatever that is.
What is that thing that fixes your ankle in two seconds?
That shit was, I don't know.
I remember that was one time where he couldn't figure out what was hurting him.
He went from his ankle to his face and then back to his ankle.
Like, this motherfucker is so sick.
And then they scored, and then it's like, oh, nothing hurts.
Yeah.
He just gets right up.
He's a suspicious.
Yeah, I think he got fined.
He's an Italian guy that likes laying down, like grabbing his leg.
They score, and then he just runs and runs away.
I think they find him because they were like, This is just blatant.
I will say this, though.
Being racist to the guy who missed it really makes missing it so much easier.
Oh, that's true.
Because you're like, I'm glad I missed it.
Yeah, yo, I thought we in this together.
We all part of the same country.
You don't think I'm disappointed too?
And now you're gonna make me the black guy who's not English, and you think I did it for my own, you know, crazy objective that I'd like to like check off my list.
Fuck you, yeah, I'm gonna miss it next time, too.
Kids 19 years old, the last guy, I think, is sucked off.
Yeah, 19 years old.
His first thing the kid wants to deliver first professional penalty kick ever, like for club or country.
First time, just because he's gay, saying all kinds of hard things.
No, it was just a coaching issue.
It's like a leadership coaching issue.
It's like, honestly, fucked up.
That like you put this kid in the most pivotal position.
It's just the last PK.
Like, regardless of what's happening, like, yeah, it might not get to him if there's something that happens, but like, you're going to go through all five PKs.
But do you choose?
Do they get to choose who goes?
And who goes?
I was looking at it, and there were certain guys that were playing, like that Harry Kane guy, yeah, like who's a legit dude, but I guess he's a little bit older.
And I was, I was reading, and they said basically he wasn't doing shit during the game, but you, they wanted to keep him on the pitch because they thought it could go to penalties and that he was going to be good at the penalty.
Yeah.
But why not make that guy go last?
Make him your fifth kick.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, 100%.
Because you either got to score for like the win or you miss it and you lose.
Like it's all on that last one.
And even if you're a vet and you miss, you got enough experience to be like, ah, it'll be okay.
And you're probably not going to play that much longer anyway.
If you're 19, you might have ruined this kid's life.
Yeah.
You missed one kick and now he's just fucking shattered.
Confident shot.
I just don't get why would you put a 19-year-old there who's never done that?
Yeah, like what was the point?
It's like an experience and like a mental game.
Yeah.
Like everyone can kick the ball.
Every player on the field can kick it into the goal.
Like it's easy.
But it's all mental.
Shouldn't everybody be tied at the coach?
Yeah.
I mean, I think so.
Yeah, people aren't smart enough to think that it's either the guy who misses it.
And it's already a pretty racist place.
So that black kid missed it.
Fuck him.
Now I can let it all up.
Nah, the black.
He's a professional athlete.
Your job is to kick the ball on a goal.
Like, you're here because you're good at kicking the ball on a goal.
We can't make the excuse to, oh, he's 19.
He should know better type of thing.
No, this is what you get paid millions of dollars a year.
Yeah, it's what you get paid to do, but this isn't even for page.
It would be a better strategy, but at the same time, it's like, bruh, hit the free throws.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, if you're an NBA player, you got two shots to win a game, hit the fucking free throws.
The stupidest thing, just go straight.
The motherfucker jumps left or right every just go straight.
Yeah.
Why haven't they figured that shit out yet?
So I was that goalie is the best in the league.
Well, both of them were great.
I feel bad for the England goalie because the England goalie saved it a couple times.
Yeah, crazy game.
He was on it.
So Robbie Sloan had a funny ass tweet.
He said, I relate to goalies because they too complain when they have to do their job.
Anytime there's a kick on goal, a goalie after he saves it is screaming at the defenders like they were also trying to stop him.
Like that motherfucker gets to sit in front of the net the whole game and jump four times.
The defenders are running up and down the field every single time.
One time you got to do your job.
And it's like, how the fuck could you make me work?
Right?
Goalies are like goalies like the Jamaican woman that works in CVS.
And you're like, do you know what I'll do so?
She's like, check this out.
Seven.
Yeah, but it's just fucked up from the coach.
I also think it's a leadership issue on the team.
Like, if you're the captain of the team, you can't be letting this younger kid.
You should kick the ladder.
That's the last kick.
You should always get captains.
I got it.
Even if, because that's the thing, some of the guys aren't as good at penalties, but it's like, let me, if it's gonna, if someone's gonna fuck it up, let me be the one responsible for that.
Yeah, pussy.
Yeah.
Because he did shoot.
He did kick it.
Yeah, it wasn't a great penalty.
The penalty, like we were watching the game here the other day, and some of these dudes kicked it with the utmost confidence, bro.
It was unbelievable.
They blasted it to like the top corner.
Yeah, McGuire had an amazing PK in that shootout.
He was one of the guys that went up in the England ones, yeah.
And so it's like you see that, and then you saw what the last kid did.
And I think the last kid, again, I'm a complete novice, casual when it comes to soccer, but the way he kicked it is don't fuck it up.
Yeah, he kicked it as hit it on goal.
Hit it on goal, and hopefully the guy jumps the other way.
Yeah, it wasn't great.
Where I've seen ones where it's like there is a two-inch window for that ball to even enter the goal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Son.
Top corner.
The motherfucker who doesn't even get it in, who hits the pole.
What?
Unbelievable.
What?
Unbelievable.
Because he got it right.
He guessed the situation.
That's what I'm stupid about that goddamn sport.
You just have to kick it in.
Son, but if you know what's being in those moments, like it's kind of fun to root for the goalie because he's the underdog.
Oh, yeah.
And when you don't have any attachment to either side, like I'm going, all right, you got this.
It's really impressive to stop a PK.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really impressive.
Because people say the hardest thing in sports is hitting a baseball.
I think the hardest thing in sports is stopping a penalty kick.
Probably.
You don't think so, son?
Both sports are pussy.
Stop.
But the ability to do it.
No, but one's just a guessing game.
The other one actually takes skill.
I hear what you're saying.
That's interesting.
Because he's jumping whatever way he's going.
So his body is.
You're saying the percentages could be lower for stopping a penalty kick.
But since it's not a skill-based decision, it's a guessing game.
That's true.
But he's hitting a baseball.
It's not guessing.
No, it's like, no, it is.
Sometimes.
Some keepers try to watch the, like, watch where his feet placement is.
You do what I do.
Watch like where the knee goes.
I mean, a little bit, but at the same time, at the end of the day, you're guessing.
Also, baseball is kind of guessing too.
Baseball's got some guessing too.
No, it's not.
It's a fraction of a second where you see the ball coming because I've played before and you can tell if it's going to be in the strike zone or not.
But also, Ted Williams would say he could see the laces on a baseball.
And based on how the laces were spinning, the ball would drop and go in a certain direction.
Ooh, that's going to be a curveball.
So slider.
That's next level vision, right?
All those things are kind of cool.
I remember a tennis thing I showed you where Andre Agassi was talking about playing this guy, Boris Beck.
Yeah, some tennis player.
And then in tennis, you also have a split second to know which ways to serve going.
And he said every time on this side of the court, he would serve wide or down the middle, he would stick his tongue out right before he served.
I found it watching tape.
And then I never told him.
And then years later, I told him, but he used to always just know on that.
So they're always just to stick his tongue out like this.
Well, they said that, like, and I don't know what goalies do, you know, in their off time, but I assume it's this, that they were going through footage and doing your.
That's the crazy thing about like professional penalties is that you have all the penalties this person has ever taken in their life.
And then you see what the England penalty lineup is because both the teams have penalty shootouts in the same tournament.
So you're like, okay, this is what their lineup was before.
This is where they all went last time.
And then you can see all their PKs from their club years.
And you're like, okay, 60% of the time this player goes left.
I'm going that way.
40% of the time he goes right corner.
And then you just have to kind of...
Just take the percentage.
Also, I bet you can have nerds that are crunching it and go, he goes right.
If he's following someone who went right, he also goes right.
There's statisticians on a team.
My buddy has one on his team.
And literally all they do is go, okay, he shoots 80% of his shots from this part of the.
Physicality.
Where does he start the penalty?
Like, is he more, if he's more left, he goes right.
He's got six people to memorize.
And then they give you 70% chance that he's going to go right.
You go, okay, 70%.
I'll take that.
And then you're the shooter and you're like, okay, I know this guy knows what I do.
Do I change it yet?
Because he's going to change it or do I go the same way?
And then if I change it, I risk missing it because this is not what I'm used to.
Yeah, because I normally hit it right in this one spot.
Soccer song.
Yeah, that shit sucks.
No, no, no.
It's like a super.
It's like super high stakes, rock, paper, scissors.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Are you trying to guess in rock, paper, scissors?
That's exactly what it is.
Trying to figure out the psychology of this motherfucker.
Literally, exactly.
But that's the skill set.
Yeah.
I kind of said it.
That's why it's the most popular game in the world.
Yeah, the end.
It's dumb.
Yeah.
It's simple in that way.
Like, in the same way, like, the most popular gambling games are the ones where there's no skill.
Roulette.
Roulette is so much more fun, like, sitting there grinding out poker.
I want to be there for four hours with a bunch of guys smoking cigarettes with fucking sunglasses.
Your buddies with you.
Like, hey, can I play?
No, you can't.
You don't know how to play.
Roulette.
Thorns.
It hit.
We'll go into the club.
Crap.
Shit, let's play.
Yeah, luck.
I get it.
I was watching it at a bar that was for English fans.
Oh, they were devastated.
They looked at you crazy after.
No, no.
Oh, I didn't even know.
I didn't even beat that.
This is close enough.
I can't tell.
But it's just funny.
Like, they started crying.
There was a couple people started crying.
I'm like, come on, son.
For a Euro.
Not even important.
That's how soft.
Golf Cup is all that matters.
Or maybe Olympics, but I don't even think the good guys play any.
No, but it was at the same time.
They had their Euros and CONCACAP.
So Argentina won for South America.
I mean, those are the two best regions in the world, right?
Right, but America doesn't care about tournaments that aren't the whole world.
Like, we just want to win the world.
We don't care about your little section.
Like, that's adorable.
Yeah.
That was an unbelievable tournament.
Soccer/slash football is incredible.
It's cool, but it's little.
Like, it's like when a college team wins, you're like, all right, that's adorable.
But you know why penalty kicks are cool is because it's the most high-stakes shit.
We love stakes, dude.
Human beings love high stakes.
That's so fucking high stakes.
It's this kick right here.
Five of them.
It's over quick.
So the pressure mounts each fucking kick.
It's just like soccer is hard, man.
There's not a lot of reward.
You really got to care about the team.
But penalty kicks, I don't need to be invested.
I can care.
You don't need to know anything about it.
It's like, okay, they're inbounding the ball.
Game's tied.
If he makes the basket, they win the game.
Like, it's the most basic carnival games.
Yeah, it's basically carnival.
Yeah, it is.
It is good.
We're going to do a penalty shootout, though.
Yeah, we should do it.
Straight down the middle.
Did y'all ever do that as kids?
World Cup?
This is so weird.
I remember I was hanging out my homie's place.
He went to UT.
Now, this is a story that I was like, oh, we're all kind of the same.
My Rohith, you met him at the wedding.
He was at UT, and I went to go visit him.
He had his apartment complex.
It's like Friday night.
Everybody's getting drunk.
We see this white party.
We see this Indian party.
We're all just drunk outside.
And then my homie Rohith, when he gets drunk, he's like real, just fucking wild.
He just, this is wild.
The World Cup is on.
He just slammed a soccer ball down in front of a white guy and he just goes, World Cup, let's go.
And the white guy's standing in front of a wall.
I swear to God, guy doesn't say a word.
He just takes his shirt off, gets into goalie positions.
And then we start doing India versus America.
And we start doing a whole World Cup right there, five kicks.
We lost at the end, and Rohith was fucking devastated.
But it was just such a funny thing of like, dude, penalty kicks, we all fucking care about this.
That is true.
Yeah, it is true.
In hockey, too, it's exciting.
Connor Grabbing Khabib00:15:48
Oh, dog.
It's so fire.
Hockey PKs are dope.
What?
Hockey PKs are amazing.
They're incredible because you get to skate up.
It's like slow-mo.
Everything's at it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, fine.
We got to do a penalty shootout.
Let's do it.
I'm down.
I'm with it.
At the park, we're going to McCarran Park.
We got to do it.
Let's do it.
I'm down with a little penalty.
All right, next.
Okay.
Let's talk about McGregor Poirier.
Y'all got to see it.
We saw the fight.
We were watching it at your wedding.
No disrespect.
All good.
The wedding had technically finished by the time the fight came on.
It was cool.
You guys did that, actually.
I actually thought about that.
Thank you very much.
We really appreciate that.
Okay, so let's talk about this because this is really interesting.
What's going on with Conor McGregor?
Post-fight, I am seeing him behave with a desperation that I've never seen him behave with.
It's sad.
It is really interesting.
He's super concerned with narrative.
There's an insecurity that I haven't seen in him before.
For all of you guys watching, listening right now, obviously you know what happened.
He snapped his tibia, right?
So he didn't like, he basically broke his leg clean, tibia and phibia, I guess, both bones that are in your right above your ankle.
So he snapped those clean.
And then, yeah, the fight got stopped.
You know, doctor stoppage, but it was really important to him during the fight.
Hey, this isn't a TKO loss.
Dustin didn't beat me.
It's a doctor stoppage.
It feels as if he knows his prime is slipping away.
His time as the elite MMA fighter that we knew him at is slipping away.
And he is trying to hold on to it with fucking everything, dude.
It's really interesting what's going on, man.
He's seen this.
Do you think it's not just his prime?
I think his prime has slipped away.
It's done after this.
To me, Isaac, very, very casual fan.
Do you think he's like, oh, my legacy is tarnished at this point?
I think his deal with proper 12 had stipulations that he might not be able to meet.
Oh, boy.
I have no proof to back this up.
But if you get $100 million or whatever the fuck it is for Proper 12, but it's put in there, you got to fight this many more times, and you either have to win the UFC championship or fight Manny Pacquiao.
Because he's like, we're coming back.
We're fighting again.
I still want to do it.
Why do you want to do it?
You got fake teeth.
I felt that.
You got fucking Botox.
Like, you fix it.
Like, what are you doing here?
What purpose do you have to do?
As soon as you sent the thing that he'd had Botox and I looked at his face, I was like, he got loose.
It's done.
There's nothing wrong with Botox.
Right now?
Nothing wrong.
Absolutely.
We all gonna be there.
But you know what I mean?
Like, he's obviously caring about the way he looks.
He's being breaking your leg fucking sucks, dude.
Have you broken your leg before?
No, like, I broke my arm, but like, the idea of like breaking your fucking leg, like not being able to walk.
Six weeks in a crutch.
For what, dude?
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, he knows that, like, he doesn't want this.
You got $100 million.
You have your family.
You have all these different things.
He's still cursing him out, saying his wife is in his DMs as he's leaving.
Like, you got absolutely bullied.
Like, we'll talk about the beginning of the fight where Connor was outboxing him easily, but then Dustin landed two big shots on Connor.
It caused Connor to kind of grab him.
And then once they were grabbed, I mean, Dustin's just a far superior wrestler, jujitsu, ground and pound.
And then Dustin just bullied him on the ground.
I mean, Connor was just there doing absolutely nothing.
Right.
Yeah.
On the feet, Connor was outboxing him.
And he looked really good.
He was laying some big kicks.
Do you think he broke his leg on the check?
I don't think people are saying he like Dustin checked it with his elbow, but then I saw another angle.
It doesn't look like it hit him.
I was speaking to a buddy of mine who works in the NBA, and he said that the trainer and his team said those breaks often happen because of overtraining.
So the bone is already depleted due to the overtraining.
And I know that Connor likes to ride the bike, but every time I see him doing cardio, he's on a bike.
And that always makes me curious because biking is not a great form of cardio in terms of time efficiency.
You want to get your cardio up on a bike, you're biking for hours, dude.
Okay.
Whereas if you want to run for an hour, I mean, you're doing miles.
You're running for an hour.
But bike, you really got to be on that fucking thing for a while in order for it to really tap into your cardio.
Unless you're maybe going uphill or something.
It's just not an efficient source.
But I wonder if his legs were hurt.
That's sad.
To know it's because you trained too hard and not even because you got beat, because you just like wanted it too badly.
That's sad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ron Rousey said that when Connor was on the ground after the fight and almost marketing his next bout, like he'll be back, like no other fighter would ever think about like promoting that.
Why is he so desperate to do it?
There has to be something.
Like he's immediately going, yes.
And then he's also saying, oh, we're definitely going to have a fight with Nate Diaz.
They're going to have a trilogy fight with that.
Like, what is going on?
Yeah.
That you are holding on to your place in the sport even after you have 100 million in the bank.
Is he maniac?
Is it just a sociopathic urge to beat people up?
I hope it's that.
I don't think so, but I hope it's that.
What do you think?
Like, I had this theory before I think it's the proper 12.
I know he sold all his stake in it, but I still think, like you said, there's some type of clause where he needs to win.
He needs to keep winning.
You know how sometimes you could sell a company?
I think Dana White has sold his portion of the UFC.
But I think as part of that deal and selling your company, you have to stay on for a certain term and manage it.
And then you have to vest these shares.
So in other words, your shares vest over four years or something.
And this is the people who sell or bought the company's way of maintaining the skill level.
Or not the skill level, but the operation.
This guy knows how he got it to this point.
I want him to stay there, get it to a bigger point, and then he's free and he gets his money.
I wonder if those things are built into his content.
There has to be something, dude.
Why is he so fucking disappointed?
I thought it was.
Sorry to interrupt, but he's on his story.
I never see him on his story.
He's on his story in his hospital bed right after the break.
Hey, surgery went amazing.
We're back.
That's an illegitimate win from Dustin.
He's really trying to create narrative.
He's posting stuff on his story about the shots and how they didn't land from Dustin.
There was no ground in pound.
Something's up.
Two things.
One, I might have messed up the Nate Diaz thing.
I reread the article, even though it was posted like 12 hours ago or whatever on TMZ.
It might have been before the fight.
They were saying there will be a trilogy fight, which would make sense with your proper 12 thing also.
I, though, think it is a lot of it is he's going to lose relevance.
Once he isn't fighting anymore, how does he stay relevant?
And a thing about a guy that's that good at getting attention is that's a pretty intoxicating feeling.
You are that good at getting attention.
You're going to get a lot of attention.
Once you get it, you don't know what to do when it goes away.
That's true.
He loves attention and he's good at getting it.
Fuck his attention.
And it's really addictive.
So once you are not good at the thing that got you the attention in the first place, that probably fucks with you.
Your S theory makes a ton of sense too.
My initial read was, nah, I think he is losing relevance and it's pathetic to watch him grabbing for it.
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe.
I think that's completely plausible.
Two questions.
Can you explain that the judge's scorecard for round one came in at like 10-9, 10-8, 10-8?
Agreed to say.
10-8, 10-8 is for Dustin.
For Dustin, yeah.
Yeah.
So Dustin was so dominant in the round that they took two points away.
Yeah.
And I don't think that that's unreasonable.
I think he was very dominant.
Now, I wouldn't have given it 10-8 because I thought Connor dominated on the feet.
Like while they were standing, Connor was dominant.
I mean, Dustin landed the shot that kind of like staggered Connor, but I mean, Connor was kicking his legs off.
I mean, he was really outboxing him and outkicking him.
But once he had him on the ground, Connor is just useless on the ground.
No second.
He's going to fight Dustin for sure again.
Dustin just destroys him.
Do you think this opens it up for a potential Connor Jake Paul fight?
After?
Is that what this leads to in the UFC world?
This might have also been before the fight, but I read an article, again, from TMZ saying the manager saying there's no way he fights Jake Paul.
Now, again, that might have been before the fight.
And if you lose this badly and get, not this badly, but if you get kind of embarrassed like that, like you're like just broke mid-fight and you're grabbing for anything and relevance and all that, it could, Jay Paul's, that's an easy source.
It would be so fucking entertaining.
It would be entertaining.
It's a real bummer because I wanted Connor to win, not necessarily because I like him so much personally.
I just, everything is better when Connor's winning.
Yeah.
Everything is better in sports entertainment.
Yeah.
Everything is better.
Like when you have a charismatic fighter that is on top of the world, ask him any question.
What do we do about Israel Palestine?
Just let him go.
Like let it.
I want Connor at peak confidence in every setting and then doing interviews, going on different podcasts, like talking about other fights.
Like when Connor, Connor can't talk about the next Kumar Usman fight because he just got his fucking ankle broke.
So he's got to sit down and shut the fuck up.
Even if he does talk, it's like, you go.
Sit down, shut the fuck up.
Sit down, shut the fuck up.
If he knocked Poirier out in brutal fashion, right?
He's talking so much shit about everybody on the roster.
You got to listen.
Guys, knock somebody out.
He got the right to talk.
You get to talk if you beat somebody's ass, knock somebody out.
You get to run your mouth.
What are we going to say that Dustin's one of the best UFC fighters?
Son, we have to.
I mean, like, all credit to Dustin.
He is a fucking bully.
And frankly, he's got Connor's left hand timed.
Really?
Like, he caught him a couple times again.
Like, he just, Connor takes a, he's not slow in throwing it, but it comes from far back.
And you don't have to worry about his right hand at all.
Like, he doesn't have a strong jab or a good hook.
So you just got to worry about one hand.
And Dustin's a really good boxer.
Like, really good.
And he timed out that fucking left hand of Connor's.
And oh, yeah, yeah, man.
It's a bummer, though.
Yeah.
It's a fucking bummer.
But his last loss in the last five years was Khabib.
Yeah.
And dominating wins over other people, man.
Yeah.
So to me, I'm like, I mean, he should be in the combo.
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
I mean, I think once he gets the belt, he'll fight Charles Olivera.
And then if he beats Charles, like, which is not easy, but if he beats him, I think that he's definitely in the combo.
You know what, what you said something about Connor?
You know, it reminded me of at his peak.
This was his influence.
I don't remember the last white athlete that influenced that black athletes were doing their shit.
Like, I remember, I think Des Bryant caught a touchdown pass and then on the sidelines, Connor was a little bit of a colon.
Everybody was doing that shit.
Like, it's a fucking Irish guy, like the whitest white guy.
And he's influenced in black culture.
I don't remember the last time that happened, especially not in sports.
That's the power of a great fighter.
He is the greatest fight promoter I've ever seen.
Yeah.
I mean, better than, I wasn't around for Ali, so I don't know what those times were like, and I'm sure they were unbelievable.
He's better than Floyd.
Way better than Floyd.
Floyd was amazing.
And Floyd is amazing.
And when they fought, Connor was the one carrying it.
Dude, what he did, he didn't even promote this fight until like three days before.
And once he started, everything was a quote.
Every fucking thing he said.
Say some of those stuff.
I was completely in wedding planning.
The best one is I break people's faces and bounce.
Yeah, dude.
It was unbelievable.
He goes, I don't, yeah, he goes, I don't something.
Somebody asked him what he does.
He goes, I don't do that.
I break people.
I'm not a celebrity.
I don't care about fame.
He goes, I'm not a celebrity.
I don't care about celebrity.
I break people's faces and bounce.
Like, oh, my God.
He'll be carried on a stretcher.
He's a corpse.
He's a corpse.
I'm going to kill him.
I'm going to end his life.
That man will pay with his life.
Dude.
Oh, my God.
It's unbelievable.
Like, just making shit up.
I've only got one loss in the ring.
I only count losses from knockouts.
Whoever shoots first, a pussy.
He's a pussy.
You know, taps.
They don't count.
He immediately puts Dustin in the guillotine the second he gets it.
That's what I'm like.
Why doesn't every fighter just watch that and go?
Like, is that...
They just don't got it, bro.
Yeah, you got to have to.
Got it.
You got to get that.
If Dustin was just talking wild shit, it wouldn't be fun.
It wouldn't be fun.
A large percentage of charisma is something you have or you don't.
Yeah.
And then there's things you can do to, it's like athleticism.
It's like any trade.
Charisma is something a lot of people are just born with and a lot of people are just not.
Right.
Charisma is a suit, man.
You know, some people just look amazing in a suit and other people look like they're going to court.
Right.
You know, like.
Connor looks great in his suit, bro.
Yeah, dog.
He really does.
Everything fits.
Yeah.
And that guy can sell a fight.
And, you know, Dana and the UFC, they're upset, not because they don't want to see Dustin when I'm sure they like Dustin.
I'm sure they think he's really skilled.
It's just so much easier to sell Connor.
Yeah.
Like Connor versus Charles Olivera.
They literally just go, okay, Connor, we'll do all the work.
Should we make advertisements or no?
No.
No billboards.
We don't need it.
Nothing.
Like, I wonder if they look at the advertising budget for a Connor fight and they just go, reduce it by 75%.
Yeah, why would you spend?
Like, or they know what the fight is going to come bring back, and they're like, we'll just keep the same ad spend.
Okay.
Something like that.
You know, Connor could be like, don't spend that money on ads.
Just give it to me.
I'll take care of it.
I'll do it.
I'll take care of it.
And Connor kind of proves, like, it doesn't even really matter necessarily what you do in the Octagon if you can talk good game.
Like, when he was saying all this shit, like, oh, he's a corpse.
Like, he's going to be taken out of here or whatever.
Like, he said all that shit last time when he lost to Dustin.
Well, no, he didn't.
He was super nice.
Remember, he was really happy.
But, like, he said that before and then lost.
And it was like, all right.
Like, when he was talking crazy shit to Khabib and then he loses.
Maybe he was overcompensating because last time he was really happy and joyous and tried to enjoy every moment and then got his ass beat.
Yeah.
Maybe he was like, I need to go back to that old connect.
Yeah.
But like, it doesn't even matter if you lose if you talk like if you promote the right way.
And people will buy it.
And by people, I mean me.
If he comes back and wants to fight him again.
I mean.
Every fight, yeah.
Every single time.
What about that Sugar Sean?
Oh, yeah.
Shout out to Sugar Sean O'Malley, bro.
And also, shout out to Chris Martinho.
Like, that guy had an amazing fucking chin, dude.
He's only a zombie, dude.
Is that what he's calling himself?
So I'm calling him.
Yeah, he should.
I mean, the guy walked forward the entire time.
Actually hit up O'Malley.
And I was like, dude, what the most impressive thing that happened in that fight for me was your will didn't get broken by this guy who kept walking forward and talking shit.
Because that will happen a lot of times to fighters when they start playing, like fighting against the elite level.
You see with boxers, like happened with Mike Tyson.
Mike Tyson told us a story about the first time he just couldn't knock out this big white guy, right, in his amateur years, and he just couldn't knock him out.
And he's used to just destroying every single guy he fought.
He couldn't knock it out.
He just started falling apart in the ring.
He got like scared.
He didn't know what to do in that moment.
So it's like Sean experiencing that now, not during a title fight or not during a title eliminator or one of those.
Now he goes, okay, I just need to breathe, keep my composure, keep on pot, shotting this guy, then landing heavy when I can, but just go to a decision.
Obviously, they stopped this, which I thought was kind of unfair to Chris Matinho.
Like, you let the guy take a beating for 14 and a half minutes, and then you give him 30 seconds.
Dyeing Hair Green For Fight00:03:12
Right.
It's kind of like disrespectful.
But I thought that was really cool he went through this right now.
That's going to be super valuable because you don't want to go through that in the second round of a title fight with the entire world watching you.
Yeah.
Where you go, oh my God, I can't knock him out.
I can't sleep this guy.
What else do I have?
Yeah.
Is my cardio on point?
Yeah.
But it was a cool fight, though.
Yeah.
And like, respect to the dude for coming on short notice.
That was fight of the night, and they each got an extra 75K.
Yeah, because it was the UFC fight.
I mean, I love it.
What happens to that guy, Chris Matinha?
Oh, he's on the roster.
Like, everybody's interested in him.
Everybody wants to see him again.
And I think what you do with him, if I'm Dana White, is I start building him up.
Like, I don't leave him there as a human punching bag.
I go, okay, he fought quite possibly the worst person that he could fight, an incredibly skilled striker.
Yeah.
Imagine he fought a guy who wasn't a skilled striker, but just someone who's there to bang.
And that guy isn't going down.
Now they're just slugging.
So now they're just like, this guy can be a favorite, you know, like a Donald Cerroni type or something.
Like he can be a journeyman, if you will, but a guy who makes tons of money on that journey having incredibly exciting wars.
Yeah.
So build him up against guys who are a little bit lower ranked and not, you know, Sean O'Malley.
I mean, they have title aspirations for Sean O'Malley, I'm sure.
Yeah.
But like let Chris build himself up in the same way that Sean built himself up.
You know, like Sean O'Malley, I don't think, I don't think the first guys that he was fighting were ranked fighters.
No.
So I'm excited for that guy.
I think nothing went down in that guy's stock at all.
No, I mean, way up.
And I think that the UFC is really cool in terms of like they reward entertainment.
If you're entertaining motherfuckers out there, even if you lose, you're going to be ready to fight again.
Yeah, I feel like the loser in the fight of the night will get more credit than like just a low-card winner.
100%.
Even Gilbert Burns beating Wonderboy is boring.
It's like you're just going to lay on top of him the whole fucking time.
Sucks.
Like, I don't care.
I don't want to watch it.
Boring.
Whack.
Yeah.
Like, don't care.
Move on.
Strike.
I know you don't want to strike with Wonderboy because he's so good at it, but like, if we want to entertain us and you want to get the big bucks, that's not how you get a title fight.
Right.
The way you get a title fight is be entertaining as fuck.
Yeah.
Like, and I think what's cool is if whatever you reward, the fighters will do.
Right.
So if you know that the way that you get a title fight is by knocking a motherfucker out, go for knockouts.
Yeah, I'll dye my hair green.
Dye my hair green.
I'll get in there.
Do whatever.
Whatever I got to do.
I mean, speaking of entertainment, you saw Trump pulled up ringside?
Son.
Whoa.
Nelk Boys going full send.
Yeah.
Leaning fully into Trump.
But they've always been full MAGA, though.
Yeah.
The Nelk Boys.
They were at the, what do you call it? The rally or whatever?
Yeah.
They were on Air Force One.
Full MAGA Canadians.
But they're Canadians, which is so funny.
Yeah, I mean, I kind of get it from their perspective.
It's like kind of voyeurism.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Like, you just want the guy that's stirring the most shit up because that's what they do.
Right.
They stir shit up.
So they're like, yeah, whatever.
Yeah.
I don't even know who the Nelk Boys are.
I'm going to be honest.
Arcos been out of it.
Arcas need to tap back into culture, bro.
He's been in a fucking time capsule, bro.
I know what's going on.
This is idiocracy.
Arcash just came back.
Trump At Ringside00:08:53
Nah, I'm with you.
The only thing, one of the guys is the one he goes like, huh?
Oh, behind people.
That motherfucker.
That's the only thing I know.
Oh, that guy.
Behind people in the grocery store?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He's one of the boys that fucks with it.
And then there's like the main dude.
I think his name is Steve.
Yeah, Steve will do it.
I don't even know what he does.
I know he'll do it.
He will do it.
But I don't know who he does.
Whatever it is.
I only know Salim's shit.
Because moaning at people at Shifty's old job is the fucking most and just seeing their reaction.
You saw Shifty doing it, and that's where he got the idea.
Oh, wood.
No, but they're legends of content.
Nah, they know what they're doing.
Yeah.
And they teamed up with Trump, bro.
He's at ringside with another legend of content, if we're being honest.
We can allow ourselves that.
You think Trump's running again?
He must be.
Has to be.
Why else is he in public all the time?
Like, why else is he doing all these rallies and a CPAC?
CPAC.
And they said that with 95% certainty, he would win the Republican primary.
It's really Trump's party, dude.
It is.
That whole like, oh, it's the Republican Party is a party of Trump.
And everyone was like, nah, nah, it'll switch back.
It's so much Trump's party that Republicans still haven't left him.
Like, they still are.
They're still heavy Trump people.
Normally, they just support whoever's in power, whoever gets the job done, whoever they think can win.
Republicans play to win.
You can agree or disagree with what they're doing.
Democrats play to do what's right.
Republicans are like, nah, we just want to win.
Yeah.
I think they just want to pay less taxes, bro.
Like, if Republicans just came out and said that shit, like, there's the religious Republicans, and they're just like, yo, we don't care about anything else but religion.
That's the one thing we're voting on.
Abortion.
And then literally just abortion.
That's the one thing that we're voting on, right?
And then the rest of the Republicans are like, yo, I just don't want to pay money in taxes.
Like, you want to teach critical race theory in school?
That's cool.
Can I pay 25% in taxes?
Like, if Democrats negotiated with what they wanted, the woke shit, with the tax decrease, they could get there.
If you go up to like Republicans who say, we want to teach that white people are bad and should be slaves, and it's 20% on your taxes, they'd be like, shackle me up.
That sounds great for me.
I'll put my white kid in a private school with only white kids.
And then we'll decide what they learn there.
You are unequal to us, but there's a flat tax.
I'm in.
I'm in.
I mean, the more Republicans I speak to, it's like there is the culture war that we spoke about, but at its core, it's how much you're going to tax.
That is actually a good point because shouts to Brian.
He always told me, he gives me the exact number and I forget it, but something like 20% of Republicans are single-issue voters.
And abortion is one of the big, I don't care anything.
Evangelicals.
Yeah.
You can lose them.
You don't need to win everybody.
You need to win the moderates.
And if you just said to them, look, man, we can do some liberal shit, but I'm going to cut the fuck out of your taxes.
Abortion is mandatory.
10% flat tax.
Abortion is mandatory, though.
Every woman who turns 18 must have an abortion before their 30th birthday.
That sounds fun for guys, quite frankly.
10% tax.
I think every guy would be like, yeah, once your daughter has an abortion, you have to, then you get the 10% tax.
Oh, my God.
It's like a dowry rate.
Sign me up.
Sign me up.
That's a U.S. dowry.
I'm telling you, the U.S. dowry rate that you pay 10% tax.
That's it.
That's not a good idea.
Listen.
It's going to be a lot of kids getting fucked.
So that they get the 10% tax.
Your daughter's going to be, I think I might be home at 11.
Go home at 12.
Make sure that you keep it all in.
Yeah, here's 300 bucks.
Go have fun.
Who cares?
I got some extra money to blow.
I don't give a shit.
Exactly.
We're saving money.
Pay that 300 one time.
You get 10% tax the rest of your life.
I'm just telling you, that's how you get conservatives on board.
Fuck all this culture shit.
Build a wall.
All that.
They did it to 10%.
And that's what they need to borrow that idea because Trump was like, we're going to build a wall.
How are you going to pay for it?
Oh, they'll do it.
That's what you do.
How are you going to pay for all this shit with less taxes?
Oh, they'll do it.
That's it.
Nobody cares if it's actually getting paid for.
Yeah, they'll do it.
Democrats, what do Democrats want?
Gay things.
Gay things.
They're just liberal cucks.
They're liberal cucks.
They're super liberal cucks.
But what do they want?
I'm trying to understand.
Like, if you had one thing, like, if you really just like, what is your Democratic guys that go and bang their wives, dude?
Yeah, they just want your liberal cucks to be split open on the dinner table while they watch.
Yeah.
Just carve through their turkey.
Yeah, they're liberal cucks.
While some dude carves through their wife.
Yeah.
Dude, that's true.
They're liberal cucks.
But in all seriousness, like, what is the one thing?
I think white liberals just don't want to feel bad for being like white.
So I think that they're, again, we're just talking about white people.
I don't know what black conservatives want.
I know what white conservatives want for the most part that aren't the religious ones.
It's just lower taxes.
They don't really care about all the race stuff because they operate in their own communities anyway where they could just carve that shit out.
At the country club, nobody's worried about critical race theory.
Do you know what I mean?
But I think white liberals are just like, how do I look like I'm an ally?
They just want to be an ally.
Yeah.
That's it.
Can I have an ally card?
Get a vaccinating card and an ally card.
They'll be totally happy.
Oh my God, dude.
They'll pay thousands for an ally card.
How do conservative funds?
That's how you can fund every black program is just here's an ally card for $10,000.
They don't even want to go to the cookout.
They just want everybody to cookout to know they're not racist.
How can I show everybody here?
I'm not racist.
I can't eat at the cookout.
The food is too spicy.
The flavor is spicy.
What am I going to do with all the seasoning?
Come on now.
It's crazy.
But I just want the invite.
I want you to know.
You wouldn't even have to invite me.
Wouldn't want to impose on your culture.
That might be a culture appropriation.
Just tell me I'm not racist.
White liberals want to be told they're not racist, sexist, hateful.
That's just, they want to be told because they know deep down.
But they want you to remove that guilt.
So, how can conservatives remove that guilt from them?
We know how Democrats can get conservatives on board.
How can conservatives get Dems on board?
How do they get them out of that?
Maybe do like a radio hotline, like a telephone number you can call.
Okay.
And then a black guy will tell them they're not racist.
That's good.
That's not bad, right?
But you can't trust a black conservative is what black people are going to be like, that's not us.
Black people do a good job of taking any conservative.
They really do the work for the Democrats.
They take any conservative, like, ah, fuck that guy.
Ben Carson, one of the world's greatest neurosurgeons.
Ah, fuck that guy.
He's an idiot.
Yeah, fuck that guy.
That is so true.
That is so true.
Yeah, it's interesting.
It's actually really difficult.
It's way easier to turn someone Democrat than it is to turn them liberal.
Yeah.
Like, this is part of what fucks the Democrats, though, because they're so conservative is to turn them conservative.
Because there's nothing that these liberals want.
Like, the white liberals, it's not like they're poor, right?
Yeah.
But they're not rich.
They're not rich enough to benefit from the taxes.
And they're not poor enough where they're like dying and you can take advantage of their economic insecurity.
Right.
Right?
They're just in this middle space where they're like, my life is comfortable.
The only thing I feel uncomfortable about is being potentially racist or sexist or homophobic.
Please absolve me of that guilt.
Right.
Whereas like the white conservatives are like, bro, I got a little bread.
Yeah.
And I'm trying to keep that fucking breath.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know if Democrats are single-issue voters like that, though.
No, you can win a vote of a conservative with a single issue.
You can lose favor with the Democrats over a single issue.
Like you can lose.
You do one thing, and this is where Democrats fuck themselves.
You do one thing we don't like, we don't fuck with you.
We don't agree with the one thing that's not liberal enough for us.
We don't fuck with you.
And that's kind of what happens with cancel culture.
It's driven by liberals initially.
I know conservatives have their own snowflake cuck shit too.
But with liberals, it started with, and this is what we're seeing.
Oh, you said this thing online, you're canceled.
Oh, Chrissy Teigen, even though you did so much work for us before, here's something on you.
Now we got to cancel you.
You know what conservatives need?
They need a black candidate.
Trump's vice has got to be black.
But like black, black.
Black, black.
Snoop.
They need a black guy.
Son, I'll vote for Trump and Snoop together.
They need a black guy and they need Kamala.
It's going to be tricky with Kamala because Kamala is black, right?
So she can call out that black guy.
But if it was two white people running for the Dems and there was a black person and Trump or a black person and a white conservative, those white Democrats couldn't say shit to that black person.
Yeah, but you could Snoop, dog.
Kamala says shit.
She's like, hey, why are you locking us up on weed charges, bitch?
I'm the weed guy.
Everybody can have weed.
You wouldn't vote for Snoop as vice president, though.
Free weed platform.
Not if he's running with Trump.
You're a liberal cup.
You know that?
Not if he's running with Trump.
What if Snoop was president and Trump was vice president?
Trump ain't gonna allow that shit.
You got too much ego for that.
Snoop Running With Trump00:03:31
I'm just saying, there is something there.
They need to find a way to offset the racism and appease what white liberals really need, which is to be told they're not racist.
And if they had a black candidate run and be like, don't buy these liberal lies that if you support us, you're racist.
I'm telling you, you're not.
Or you might be, but you're not for supporting this agenda.
And all of a sudden, white people be like, wait a minute, is it okay?
Is it okay for me to step outside and support the black guys that's okay?
And then they just call out the Democratic Party, who's a bunch of old fucking white white men anyway.
Yeah.
And you're like, see what they just do?
There is something there.
What about Shaq?
She's president.
Shaq is wild.
He's a sheriff.
Law and order.
Yeah, I got Lowe's lawn.
Ph.D., that could be wild.
I mean, I don't hate it.
I could be wild.
All right, what else we got?
Oh, Drake.
Oh, bro.
All right, guys.
The infamous tour is about to begin.
I'm telling you guys, do not wait for the week of because there will not be tickets available.
I think Dallas has a handful of tickets left right now.
This is it.
We're not adding another show in Dallas, not adding another shoot in Houston.
That is it.
First weekend, get it cracking.
I think we're going to have some fun surprises.
You know, can't say much more after that, but you want to make sure you're there.
Go get them right now.
Also, we added a couple shows I want to tell you guys about.
Very important, very important, very important.
Okay, we added a late show for San Diego.
Go get that.
We added a fourth Austin show for the special taping.
That is the late show on September 20th.
We also added Las Vegas, Nevada.
We'll be in Vegas on October 2nd.
We added a late show in Washington, D.C. on October 23rd.
We added a late show in San Francisco at November 6th.
We added a late show in Chicago on November 13th.
That is absolutely crazy.
Chicago Theater is one of the most iconic performance venues in the world.
It is an honor to be performing there.
Tell your fucking friends, tell the world, Chicago, come out for your boy.
Very excited about that.
We added another show in Minneapolis, and then we added Florida, Jacksonville, Florida.
We're coming back there December 5th.
Go to dandrewschults.com for all of the dates.
There are many more dates that are also available right there.
Get those tickets, ASAP.
This weekend will be in Denver.
And then the weekend after that, we'll be in Omaha.
Go get those tickets as well.
D'AndrewSchultz.com.
All right, guys, here we go.
I'm married.
Let's have fun on this tour.
I got no more weddings to plan.
We're about to get fucking crazy.
July 22nd through 24th, I'm in Baltimore at Magoobi's Joke House.
August 5th through August 8th, I'm in Naples, Florida.
We're back at Off the Hook Comedy Club.
September 23rd through 25th, I'm at the Moontower Comedy Festival in Austin.
And new dates, new dates, new dates.
October 8th and 9th, I am at DC in the comedy loft.
And it's finally happening Toronto.
I'm going to be doing my first theater show, October 15th.
The Grand Gerard Theater, Toronto.
I know you guys got crazy love for me, but I have not seen it in person.
This is my first time there.
So I'm going to get that ticket link as soon as I can.
I'm going to get it early and I'm going to throw it up on my site.
Y'all buy the motherfucking tickets and let's add more shows.
Let's sell out theaters.
Let's go.
Go to akashing.com.
And I think, Alex, you might have something you need to plug also.
Yes, you know, I have WTF Media Studios.
That's here in New York.
If you're looking for a place to record your podcast, also, if you have a podcast you're trying to do at home or set up your studio, I also offer consults.
So go to WTF MediaStudios.com and let's get back to the show.
Let's talk about this.
First Toronto Theater Show00:11:40
This is Drake is doing some absolutely next-level shit.
This guy really understands flexing.
I thought the best flexer in the world was Lil Duvall, and Drake might have given Lil Duvall a run for his money.
Now, granted, Drake got to spend way more money to achieve the same level of flex as Duvall, but this flex was unprecedented.
Okay.
For multiple reasons.
One, apparently, he's dating the mom of one of Bronny Jr.'s teammates, and I guess the best player on his high school basketball team.
So that's why he's at all these high school basketball games with LeBron, you know, showing support.
You're also showing support to Mom Dukes and the kid.
Yeah.
Right?
Mom got the wagon on her, too.
She does.
She does.
Full wagon.
Um, G-Wagon.
G-Wagon.
She got the G-Wagon, dude, AMG package, the whole thing.
Like, she is stacked, bro.
It's stupid.
I was on Instagram for a minute.
No reason it is.
That's funny.
He got a recent.
He got a type, though.
They all looked the same.
So he got an A-type.
He got a nice little type.
He likes a wagon, bro.
He likes a wagon.
He likes a nice light-skinned wagon.
He does, right?
Not always light-skinned.
Who he got the darks?
Serena?
Yeah.
Serena had a wagon on her.
Shereen, she does have a wagon.
He just has a type.
He likes wagon, bro.
He likes his girl's BBW.
Yeah.
He does, bro.
He does.
So, anyway, he goes out on a date with her.
Did you see this?
I heard that.
At Dodger Stadium.
Right.
So they're literally sitting on the first baseline near the seats, but on the actual field, having dinner.
And then a drone flies in, zooms in, and gets a video of it.
Now, we're supposed to believe as if Drake did not plan this drone to come and take a picture.
Impossible.
I find it hard to believe that drones are even allowed to fly over Dodger Stadium.
Right.
Right?
There's probably something that limits a drone from flying over it.
Or else, if you had a fucking drone and you live in Los Angeles, you'd fly it over Dodger Stadium non-stop.
I bet there's a no-fly restriction thing that they can even put up over the stadium to stop something like that.
Just cities like that in general.
You have to have a license, is the whole thing.
It's very difficult.
So, of course, this has been put together.
Now, Drake could plead innocence.
He could be, oh, maybe my team did it.
I had no clue.
I would never want to, blah, blah, blah.
And maybe that's the case.
Maybe the case, maybe he's like, I'm going on this date.
That's it.
You guys are the team that creates cool content.
Do what you do, but let me plead ignorance.
But that shot of them eating dinner in an empty Dodger Stadium was unfucking believable.
Swag.
I mean, super, super, super.
He's king.
He's king right now.
He really is.
There's nothing you can say.
He got it back.
He was slipping a little bit.
Like people are saying, ah, maybe Drake's day is done.
He's not top dog, but he's top dog.
He's generation's Jay, dog.
He's just going to have the long hair.
I never see Jay pull a move like that, to be honest with you.
Yeah, Jay puts his helmet on backwards on.
Yeah, yeah.
Jay fighting for his cool every time he leaves the house.
Yeah, yeah.
Like every time Jay leaves the house and it's not like an actual photo shoot, people are ready to clown.
Oof.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Oh, he got titties.
Oh, why is he doing?
Not injustice, but flexing in terms of like Jay buying companies.
Jay's a bit of a drink.
Oh, yeah, flexing.
Yeah, actually, yeah.
Jay behind closed doors is the baddest man on the planet.
He's so great behind closed doors, you ignore the fact that when the doors are open, he looks like a dork.
He does.
Absolutely.
Jeff Bezos is cooler than him.
Yeah.
Relax, relax, relax.
He is cooler than Jason.
Relax, relax.
JP is cooler than Jay-Z.
Exactly.
And that's it.
I'll take JP over Jay-Z.
What's the tie to Dodger Stadium?
Like, baseball.
I'm into Albany.
Shorty's from L.A.
But still, it's not expensive, by the way.
Just FYI.
It don't matter if it's not expensive.
Shut up.
I think it is.
Why that?
You rent it out.
That's why.
You do.
Have you done it yet?
I don't like baseball.
Staples would have been fired.
Staples couldn't afford to rent a Tesla.
He's not going to be able to rent out.
How fire is your Tesla?
It's great, dude.
Yeah, that's just a good thing.
What a deflection.
What a deflection.
It's great.
He was flexing, super flexing.
But be honest, though, do you want to eat in Dodger Stadium?
No, the name's not even on.
Where are you cooking the food?
Son, the chef was right there.
That's what that's flying.
No, but the chef got to cook the food.
Yeah, so it would have some contraption that it was heated.
Like, he was cooking right there in front of me.
Yeah, that's going to be the best chef.
That's just Matt.
That's not boring, bro.
Going on a date with your girl, you want to look around and talk about it.
You got knocking this move, man.
It's just a great flex.
What are you talking about?
It's a fantastic flex.
You're in Dodger Stadium.
That don't matter.
That shouldn't matter.
Son, it's a great flex.
It's a great flex.
It's not a great date.
It's like an expensive group on.
I don't know.
Something about it.
There's no point.
You call Drake a group on the shit.
Honestly, it's not even during the season.
It's not like they're doing anything there.
Yeah.
Yo, if you rent it out during the season, he might have got it for free.
He might have got it for free.
It is during the season.
Oh, baseball.
All the lights are on.
Everything's going just for him.
Like, come on.
That's expensive.
You got to pay an electricity bill for high school baseball.
My God.
The fact that you even have that.
I'm just saying hundreds of dollars.
Nobody can do that.
Hundreds of dollars of electricity.
I don't care how much money it is.
Nobody can do that.
And I don't believe that everybody can do that.
I don't believe anybody could do that.
No, I don't think anybody.
Why did they get the lights on at the stadium?
Because he must be cool with the owner.
Oh, my God.
Oh, but like, that's the owner of the turn of the lights.
The owner, if the lights are in the owner's exactly, so y'all just go turn on the fucking lights and Master Square bottom right now.
I'm walking in Massachusetts.
You're going to have to switch the keys.
You got to turn it the exact same thing.
The owner's wife.
Nukes, baby.
Meek Miller's cool with the team owner.
That shit don't impress us, bro.
Meek Mills is cool with fucking business.
Meek Mills still hasn't had a private date at Philly State.
Yo, what if he has?
He hasn't.
What if he has?
He just couldn't post it.
It ain't on the Grand For All.
It ain't on the Grand, so it didn't happen.
It didn't happen.
Come on.
Yo, the flex is cool, but the date is true.
Listen, the flex is cool, but if you really break down the date, it's basurita.
No, it is.
What if the food is bumped?
Two things can be true, Al.
So that's that's that super flexing is often whack.
So during quarantine, you had dinner in a hotel room, son.
Yeah, that shit was fire.
And the food was amazing.
That's a fire side.
Boom.
What do you do?
A hotel room with access to electricity with a plug right there.
Especially when you can't eat.
You had a fucking field.
Yo, chill.
A field.
No, I'm defending you.
Nah, you're saying I'm Drake, son.
Let me take that out for a second.
You're not saying your date was better than Drake.
Oh, yeah, my date's better than Drake.
No, it wasn't.
No, Walton.
You shared that.
You shared that with other people.
You shared it with other people.
Cock if the chef was just there for you.
Huh?
You go out on a date and another guy gets fed by your girl.
I mean, isn't that how we all do it?
Hold on.
Yeah, that is.
Fuck, dude.
Yo.
I have to deconstruct a dates.
I gotta go fight a chef.
So I just fucked this chef up right now.
My girl, son.
What the fuck?
What are you doing, bro?
Like, you know, I'm with her.
Like, yo, stop bringing a place to the table, bro.
Yeah.
A bunch of cucks having all these dudes chefing for your shorties.
Damn, and I love going out to eat.
I'm a fucking eating out liberal cook.
Yeah.
You're a fine dining liberal cook.
You were improving that.
Damn, son.
No.
All right.
All we're saying is, objectively speaking, a date was trash.
Objectively speaking.
Objectively.
The date was trash.
Two things can be true, Al.
It can be an incredible flex and a trash action.
Here's a perfect example.
Like, I had backwards, bro.
Can't do this.
Is it disrespectful to just cover my ears?
You think?
It's backward.
Can you tell him it's disrespectful for him to be adjusting a normal?
I don't know what to do if it's disrespectful, but if it just hurts my head covering the ears, I know they tie it over the ears.
I know they did, but like, it does hurt my ears.
It is painful.
Yeah, I think as long as the hair is covered, you're all right.
He's got a cyber instrument.
What?
They got to make like Dumbo proofs.
You know?
What do you mean, Zan?
Dumbo is their shit.
They can put one of these on Dumbo.
You're talking about the ears, bro.
I was about to say, Zon, the elephant got the puck.
Yeah.
Wrap up the elephant.
That's right.
100%.
I'm still waiting for the elephant.
I don't think that's it.
I'm still waiting for that.
I don't think this is.
Honestly, it is painful for the earth.
Yeah, no, it's hard.
It can be, especially with those ears.
It could be painful.
I was telling them, shit, my ears are not meant to go back.
Okay, so back to the flex.
If I had a fire ass date in the fucking middle of the Sahara desert and some shit like that, it sure looked beautiful.
Yeah.
But it sucks because I'm in the middle of the desert.
You had dinner at the top of the Eiffel Tower and you rented out the whole shit.
That's a fire flex.
Fucking fire.
But the food's not going to be good.
It's going to be mad cold up there.
Wind super high.
Winds super windy.
I ran out the whole Empire State building.
I got a private chef bringing up cold food.
The food is going to be cold.
The actual date, both y'all are going to be like, the date wasn't fun, but the shit was ill.
Yeah, the date wasn't.
Come on.
I'm just saying, there's a whole department for that date that you can go online right now and book yourself.
Hate it, Dub.
Dove is it.
I hate it.
How much is it?
Dumb.
If it's so easy to do, how much is it?
This is odd that you're acting like it's not easy to do.
Like to just rent out fucking or like everybody's thought of this.
Hey, let me just rent out a stadium.
Bro, there's a whole page.
Both of y'all being weird.
Let's go.
How much?
It doesn't say the price.
You got to fill out a picture.
Look at it.
Don't even say the price.
Like, do you want to?
You can't even see the price.
Are you on Ticketmaster right now?
Are you trying to buy seats?
Is that what's happening?
I'm saying Drake probably said, I'll play over here.
Maybe he's got a concert lined up.
Dodger Stadium.
Free date.
There's no tie.
I'm just trying to understand the tie in.
Haters, bro.
Like, call it out here.
Are you being a bit of a hater?
You're being a bit of a hater.
You're being a bit of a dick son.
Hey, Corey.
Glad Nickleby of the Guardian.
Gluck, Gluck, Gluck.
You Gluck Glucking a little bit.
Gluck, Gluck.
But you hating a little bit too much.
Your cousin could get Gluck Gluck.
You telling me, bro.
I've been knowing this.
You lucky you're late as him.
I am.
Nah, man.
He's low-key a hater.
Just keeping him in the shadows.
We never seen him.
No, fuck out.
I can't believe I'm a little annoyed y'all didn't remember him.
Nah, buy a degree or something?
Huh?
Does he have a degree?
Yeah.
What's his degree in?
Business or some shit.
He was at Ohio State homecoming.
Look at that.
He tried to hate his degree.
This motherfucker's a comic.
Business, some shit.
Don't some shit.
Yeah, he actually made his parents proud.
I don't matter when he's that good looking.
Oh, he's a dentist or something, some trash.
He said he was a dude that looked like a star in a Bollywood movie.
That's who the fuck we been talking about.
No, There's another dude.
The best outfit of the weekend was at the actual meaning.
It was the dude with the thing, darker guy.
Oh, yeah.
Your cousin.
He lives in Boston now with his wife.
Tall dude?
Tall.
The fit was fire.
Dark skin.
I'll give you that.
Or darker skin, more chocolatey.
And he is your.
Yeah, something.
One of your parents' brother's kids.
They're up in Boston now.
Like, he's Indian as fuck.
He's Indian.
Like, he is Indian.
Oh, shit.
You know what I'm talking about?
Abish, maybe?
You could say that.
We'd be able to see that.
No, I'm just no, you haven't met Obish.
Nah, but he was tall.
I only met him once.
Fire.
Yeah, his fit was fire.
I don't remember.
Like, he looked he was from India.
From.
Yeah, yeah.
That's probably him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Abish, yeah.
Abishek.
And then there was the other dude with the beard, earrings.
He looked like the villain in every single Bollywood.
Oh, yeah.
Cousin Living In Boston00:14:41
Yeah, shouts.
Yeah, he does look like the villain.
That's the captain right there.
That's the man, son.
Oh, hell yeah.
Shout out to y'all.
All right.
What else we got, yo?
We got Richard Branson going to space.
Oh, yeah.
These billionaires fighting.
But you see his little fucking puddle jumper?
That little bullshit.
Tessna.
Space son.
That little space Tessna was garbage, son.
And he even goes to space.
Son, he went to the top of the sky.
He barely even went to space.
Yeah.
You really make it a big deal if you float.
If you float, you're in space.
I could float.
Okay.
Every black guy on earth could float.
But no, like, I could float.
Like, if you go high enough to get away from the streets.
Do you think the snake charmer makes the other guy float?
Oh, I don't know where I was getting at.
I was just going to try to make his snake float.
You know, you float by blowing a fucking flute.
That could work.
Yeah, it depends where you go.
Come on.
You don't know.
Harry Paul.
You don't know.
We're teaching you about Yurko.
I got to just go with the Ramall.
Put it the right way.
And here's Dove coming in.
He's like, going to space is easy.
We could all go to spaces.
Come on.
I'm looking right now.
There's a group off.
There's a group on.
I mean, they're going to do in 2022.
They're going to go there.
Are you going to space?
Nobody's touching Elon Musk and his.
All right, we get it.
You're investing in Tesla.
Thank you.
You know, I think I think you still own a Tesla.
You still own a Tesla.
I still, oh, yeah, you still own a Tesla.
Former Tesla.
He had one.
Tesla I own as part of the company.
Yeah, Tesla.
Oh, shit.
Jake Stepper.
Two shares.
Oh, he's a part owner of Tesla, bro.
He's a part owner, dude.
How many shares you got?
Let's bring out shares.
How many shares do you have?
He's got a lot.
I just bought more.
How many shares you got?
Whatever you bought, I still own 10 times as much.
Oh, god damn.
Oh, shit.
Damn, son.
He calling you a bitch on your old podcast.
He did just go yo, yo, this is your Andrew Schultz's podcast.
He's flagrant too.
But he's my son, so it's okay.
Don't baby's flagrant shoes.
Oh, shit.
He just called you his son, son.
Yo, this feels better than being depressed.
Oh, my God.
Yo, let's go.
Rent out Dodger Stadium, dude.
Einstein, from the river to the sea.
From the river to the sea.
Free Palace.
Yeah.
Okay.
We're going to be switching some things up over here.
Free Palestine.
You're wearing blue right now.
I am wearing blue.
For Israel.
Oh, is this for Israel?
That's your blue square right there.
That is actually Israel blue right there.
He said he dressed you too.
He's wearing his gift.
He said he dressed you too, son.
I'm all out of energy.
Fuck you, Doug.
Son, how many shares you got?
How many shares you got?
Just say the number, bro.
I don't know.
Just say it, dog.
Say the number.
People can't see your fucking face anyway.
They see your big-ass number.
You have $350,000 worth of Tesla.
God bless you.
What do you have?
Show me the three?
Yeah.
Pussy.
Pussy.
He said that's still light.
Nah, he ain't got shit.
You're a part owner, though, for real.
The level of shares I own, they send me invites to the, you know.
Elon called you ever?
Or what did he get you for your birthday?
He definitely didn't get the drive.
Share price is rising.
I mean, not recently.
Yo, you should have said that more confidence, Don.
I don't send you back confidence in delivery.
I can't body right now.
By the way, 12 of you attacked me that night when Alex pulled up his Tesla.
Oh, I killed your girl.
I killed her.
Oh, body beat that.
No, no, you don't remember?
Like, y'all were just making fun of him, and y'all were just fucking killing him.
And then it was you, my girl.
Maybe it was Mark there.
So fucking weird.
I don't know.
I don't think I was.
Y'all were just killing his Tesla.
And then my girl called me over.
She's like, we're ganging up on Dove.
And then you were just trashing it for not having to drive by yourself or any of that kind of shit.
Yeah, you got a silent Honda.
Come on.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I had to land the final blow, son.
What was it?
I'm not telling you again.
You don't deserve it.
You don't deserve it, bro.
You know what it was.
You know what it was.
It's your old Tesla.
His shit is fine or what?
It's so great, dude.
I love this car.
I'm so happy.
You see our cost driving that Tesla?
Don't you want that?
No, he got driven.
Don't you want that Tesla to his ceremony?
I had my fine ass cousin drive me.
I laid the seat all the way back, took a little nap.
Shit.
Nah, Dove.
That was low-key a little sad when you pulled up, though.
The way you pulled up, he was like off in a corner.
He just turned around and started walking away, son.
And I'm just like, yeah, the Tesla is in your Tesla.
Oh, shit.
I'm kind of cutting.
Because it's still yours, technically.
The title's in his name.
Transfer hadn't happened yet.
It's taken a couple months.
By the way, I'm so happy.
Why do we get a transfer out of supercharging in New York here because I keep getting these like little.
I'm so happy you have no one.
Hey, I'm so happy you have no one in this world.
Hey, thank you, Dub.
Thank you.
That's super charging.
Who's going to be with Dub on his deathbed, you think, when he dies?
He'll be alone, dude.
Just him and some Tesla shares.
To the moon.
That's where you're going with the Tesla show.
The moon because you're dying.
All right, do we care about these billionaire cucks going to fucking space?
It's embarrassing.
That's a flex.
Why can't we talk about that being a place?
No, because it's embarrassing because you're in second place and now you're trying to get first on some bullshit.
You ain't really go.
You want to be there on a technicality, but like a motherfucker went to that same shit on a hot air balloon.
Like, you don't even need a spaceship.
You need hot air.
Literally, if you got a balloon, you could go just as far.
David Blaine done did this already.
Yeah, bro.
Like, your shit is stupid.
That virgin, what is his name?
Richard Branson.
He sucks.
He's not a virgin, bro.
That guy has tons of sex.
No, I know.
But he sucks.
He's a pussy, bro.
He's no, no, no.
That guy is a loser.
Yeah, he's a fucking loser, man.
Such a loser move.
Dude, I'm going to go to the top of space before you, but you did it on some technicality shit.
It's like if Drake didn't ran out Dodger Stadium, he ran out of like the Anaheim Angels.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, go for the real shit.
Go to space or don't.
What is space?
Say what?
What is space?
Orbit?
What is consent?
No, no.
But like, yeah, be out of here.
Be out of here, bro.
Yeah, bro.
Go to space.
They were floating.
Andrew, Andrew.
Andrew can back to the body.
I floated.
I floated in the fucking hover machine.
What's that shit called?
Hot air balloon.
No, the oh, indoor skydive?
Indoor skydiving.
Floating is overrated.
That was.
And also, when you go to a hot air balloon, you can float.
It's not that hard, bro.
Floating is not that hard.
Son, they'd be doing that shit in Turkey with like 100 of them.
Exactly.
Richard Branson is a cuck, dude.
And I mean that sincerely.
I didn't hate him until that.
And now I'm like, this is so whack because you're in second place.
I hate it because there's just like a list of people that like, I want us to get invited to Necro.
Oh, I want to invite you.
Hey, hey, yo, you're such a space baby.
Dude, I know.
You're a grown man.
Have your own island, son.
Can we get an island?
Yeah.
Can we get a flagrant island?
I bet you'd have taken an invite to Epstein Island too.
You fucking.
Just any island you can get an invite to.
We'd probably still be alone there.
Hey, hey, Andrew, I got a call scheduled at 1:30 with this lady.
She gets you into Epstein Island.
Very important.
Very prestigious.
Yeah.
We can get some seed money.
No, but I will back up Andrew because he did turn down being able to shoot at the Brooklyn Nets arena the special because he's like, it's not MSG.
Not having it.
Not doing it, bro.
We can't do it.
They would have spent a lot of money to do it.
I'd have done it, but respect to you for not doing it.
We got to do it.
Out of Odic Branson, that shit for sure.
Been floating in Barclays.
You don't have a sour taste in your mouth about Branson at all.
I don't like it.
No, I don't like it because you were losing.
So just let this guy let this guy beat you.
Instead of like kind of trying to beat him and then pounding your chest, I got there first.
No, you didn't.
You're just a fucking sore loser.
Yeah.
But he's been doing the Virgin Galactic shit for a while, right?
Shut up, dog.
He did it.
One of his test pilots died.
Son, don't nothing annoy me than when I have a point and somebody shits on it right away.
No, he's been doing that shit.
Mark really likes this guy.
Why do you like this guy?
When I be talking to my girl, like suggesting shit with the wedding, like before I say anything, I have to be like, just hear me out.
Think about how it could potentially be good.
Because no matter what I suggest, it's wrong.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got to suggest the wrong shit.
That way she goes back at you and then picks what you actually want.
That'd be a smarter way to do it.
Sometimes I'll be getting excited about my ideas.
My ideas are fire.
Hit us with one idea.
You're doing the sword.
That's one thing you said you're going to do.
Definitely sword.
No, no, no.
Hit us with one idea.
No, I don't want to give away my wedding shit.
You know what I mean?
Have these motherfuckers try to copy me.
Richard Branson could get married to most of you.
Branson is going to be getting married right at my fucking destination, too.
Bro, if you get married to space, don't be so pissed.
Dude, fuck that.
Dude, what a cuck.
My whole life, I dream of a baby boy when I'm a big boy.
I come to space as a big boy.
Hey, Jam, what could you dream of?
Like, if you got an island, you're great.
Son, ain't no reason to have that.
What are you doing on the island, yo?
Like, nothing good happening on the island.
Nothing legal happened.
Why do you need to separate yourself from the rest of the world?
Come on, P. What's wrong with that country?
Something a little suspicious.
What's the age of consent on that country?
You're raping, bro.
I mean, Johnny Depp was beating the dog shit out of his wife on an island, wasn't he?
I'm not saying he was raping her, but he was beating the dog shit out of her.
Come on, right?
Right?
You know what I'm saying?
Or wrong, son?
You just go up to that island, dog shit all over that island.
Yo, you got a bastard hound or something like that?
Why is so much dog shit on this goddamn island, bro?
Oh, my God.
Johnny Depp was there.
Yeah.
If you have an island, it's sus.
Yo, if you got an island, you're sus, bro.
At the very least.
And watching him fucking rape the space race like that, he's a rapist, dog.
There you go.
I like that he bugged Bezos.
I'll be honest.
That's what I like about it.
Bezos sucks, too.
Bezos sucks.
But Bezos ain't no buggy.
I love it.
I love that they're all bitching at each other.
And then Branson just goes, oh, yeah, no, I'll go to space.
Nah, but Elon Bin won.
He just beat him on tape.
Bin had rockets, yo.
Elon is here first.
He didn't go.
He's scared.
Yeah, he is pussy.
Elon is pussy.
That's fine, but he don't care.
He's not beating his chest about, I was first in space.
Y'all sound like fucking gloves.
Richard Branson didn't say that.
He was just up there.
He's like, he was saying when he's a boy.
That's all he wanted.
When I was a wee wheel boy, why I was a wee wheel boy quoting my baby when I was so excited.
I got open to spice.
And then we went up there.
And I brought exactly nobody for my life but scientists because all they care about is me.
I will say the fact that he wrote that shit.
Up, Mark.
Why did you defend this motherfucker?
I just said it was trash.
Feeling no facts.
He sucks.
I just said it was trash.
Feels no facts.
When I was a wee wheel boy, I thought I would have all my hair till I died.
So instead, I put my broom on my head and I had over if he ripped it, I'd be like, all right.
But the fact that he wrote it, I was like, that's what you wrote down.
That was your essay.
What would the next generation of rapists do with their billions?
Bro, for real.
Feed someone, motherfucker.
What?
Feed somebody.
Literally, that's starving.
Millions of dollars.
Like, you can literally make kids not poor anymore.
Yeah, there's some points.
They got too much space in their stomachs, motherfuckers.
What are you doing?
Some kid in Guatemala is like, well, yeah.
He's an amazing.
Fuck, yo.
He's a cuck.
He's a fucking cup.
Hey, Richard Branson, you're probably watching because you got no other friends, you fucking dork.
He's a fucking dork.
You will invite us to your island so somebody will hang out with you, you fucking.
Yo, imagine inviting people that aren't your friends to your island.
That shit would suck.
I don't like hanging out with not my friends in general.
Because you got friends.
He always got no friends.
Cost people got no friends.
And you start on an island with them.
Say, well, you start on an island with them.
And you're stuck on a fucking island, dude.
This guy's a loser, bro.
You're a fucking loser, dude.
It's unbelievable what a monumental loser he is.
Hey, his little helicopter he took up there.
That shit ain't even a plane, bro.
Did you see that?
They literally, you saw how they sent it up in the air?
Motherfucker cocked back his elbow and then tossed how little his stupid little fucking plane was, bro.
Who's the coolest billionaire then?
Billionaire or millionaire?
Billionaire.
Who's the coolest billionaire?
Yeah.
Jay?
Jay, not a billionaire.
A little barely billionaire.
Hey, hey, relax.
Come on.
All right, so that's a real billionaire.
Super billionaires.
The real wealthy, wealthy motherfucker.
Yeah, that motherfucker's barely keeping their head above water.
Yeah, like this, like this.
But just 900 million, 900 million.
We rounded up.
Broke up.
Broke up, we need a billionaire, bro.
Real talk.
Who's the best billionaire?
Yeah, who's the coolest billionaire?
Like, super billionaire.
Honestly, who you said?
Oprah?
She's not trying to go to the moon with her money.
That's the liberal cuck answer right there.
Yeah.
Yeah, bro.
Come on.
Well, you know what?
These motherfuckers ain't really billionaires.
Like, you don't got the cash.
You're not a billionaire.
You got your little stock options, but you can't sell them because then the stock drops.
You're not really a billionaire.
Like, Jeff Bezos, you're not a billionaire.
Oh, okay.
That base, you're not billionaire.
Elon Musk, you're not billionaire.
You don't even got a house.
Oh, I sold all my houses or whatever.
They all sound like that.
Right?
We know I'm older like me, Puppy's age.
I'm gonna have no houses.
You rent me houses.
Owning a house is such a material asset.
I'm gonna get rid of all my material assets.
Yo, real talk.
That's super cocky, dude.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, just letting someone else live in your house, bro.
Just sell it.
You don't even got your own house.
You gotta ask permission every year.
Can I still live in your house?
Can I still live in your house?
Do I have to move all my value boost?
Wait, that's what I do.
Selling The Island House00:08:27
Son, exactly.
How's he not living like you, son?
Oh, that's a good point.
Yeah, goddamn, bro.
Is it Bill Gates?
It might be Bill Cosby, son.
If we really be in this island, Bill Gates, if we really want to talk about the bills.
He had a side bitch locked in.
He's tried to help the most.
If you really want to talk about the motherfucker who's tried to help the most people, now, if you look at him helping for nefarious intent, he's the worst.
But if you look at him helping for altruism, like if you literally look at him trying to like vaccinate parts of the world and end the things that are killing, like actually help the most people, if you look at it through zero criticism, probably help the most, yeah.
If you look at it with um what's the word like rose-colored glasses, rose-colored glasses are like give them the benefit of the doubt.
Yeah, it's Bill Gates.
Yeah, and the guy had a side bitch locked in once a year.
I get a vacation with this bitch.
Don't worry about how ugly she is.
Yeah, she was an ugly side bitch.
Yeah, but it's locked in.
But it's locked in.
Son, if you own an island, son, you're a rapist.
And Gates had a mansion, not an island.
He had his house was an island.
It's a big ass house.
Come hang out.
My house.
I'm just saying, why you need to be on an island?
That's weird, dog.
Yeah, that's a lot.
That's weird.
Something illegal going on.
Go.
Shakira owns an island.
Leonardo DiCaprio owns an island.
I mean, come on, bro.
Mel Gibson owns the island.
Sorry, Doug.
John Lennon.
I know who's not allowed on that island.
Steven Spielberg owns an island.
John Legend owns an island?
Yeah.
No, not John Legend.
No, John Lennon.
John Lennon dead, bro.
Yeah, I guess he used to.
Tyler Perry owned the island.
Facts.
What do you think he's doing on his island?
If you had to guess, cracking chocolate cheeks, bro.
Chocolate cheese.
Yo, son.
He dressed as Medea.
Yo, yo, kill her.
Oh, shit.
Nicholas Cage owns the island.
Oh, fuck, no.
Chill out with that.
Fuck, bro.
What you gonna do now, son?
South, South South.
Son.
Examo Archipelago.
He owns one of the little islands in there.
Oh, my God, Charles.
What you got to say?
I don't count.
It's not an island like that.
He probably got his house on a little water-surrounded land.
Maybe it's a palace.
It might be a penny.
Yeah, it's not an island.
It's a little archipelago.
Son, it's one of the water-surrounded land.
Yeah.
It's not an island.
Yeah, he just has like what, like a moat or whatever the fuck that is.
Yeah, it's a water-surrounded land.
Yeah, it's just a moat.
That's worse, dog.
If you just say, yo, come into my water-surrounded land, that sounds way better than like come to my island.
One of my archipelagos.
Monty Kravitz owns the island.
How hard is it to own an island, bro?
Nah, that's fly.
Lenny's always been fly.
Yeah, Lenny's always been fly, but that's water surrounding.
If you're a millionaire and got an island, that's a flex.
If you a billionaire and got an island, you're a loser.
That's what I think it is.
Oh, because she came out, like, that's kind of cool.
She could afford an island.
Yeah, I didn't know she was.
But then buy a city.
Yeah, buy a country, bro.
How hot is country?
King Cuck, Richard Branson.
It's like, dog, you're a loser, man.
But then you gotta take care of people if you own a country and shit like that.
I mean, this sincerely.
Take care of people.
Like, you gotta worry.
You gotta watch all the poor people in almost space.
I would spit on Richard Branson if I saw him.
Jesus.
Disgusting.
Keep it in his space.
You couldn't touch him, dog.
She would float.
He would dodge it.
Maybe that's facts.
And then cut the back around.
Hit him right in the back of the head.
Yeah.
We didn't see it.
Wait, no, it was so good.
That's so gay, that almost face shit.
Yeah, fuck that, dude.
I got an Indian friend whose dad used to insult him by calling him a secret.
See Gretter?
He's just like, you're just somehow an insult.
You're a C student, but he's a C greater billionaire.
See Greta.
Oh, but he's a C greater billionaire.
That's hilarious.
He's not even fail.
Nah, C.
Yeah, that's good.
That's a compliment.
You got to try.
You ought to fail.
You probably didn't try, but you've tried and got a C.
Yeah, fuck that.
See, it's so funny, dude.
Guys, is there anything else?
No, that's pretty much all I'll talk about.
I had a story about Miles.
Oh, yes.
We got another Miles story going.
So it's so funny.
We're leaving.
This is after night one.
Your cute nieces are walking out.
We're all talking about like, oh my God, they're so beautiful.
They're so beautiful.
And Miles is like, yo, it sucks.
I'm never going to have kids that cute.
And we're like, Miles, what do you mean?
And then he's like, I mean, look at me.
I'm never going to have kids that cute, but he's really just implied.
He's never going to fuck a black girl.
It's so funny.
He had to dance.
He was dancing.
I was just so intricate.
Has Miles never been with Chocola?
I doubt it.
What?
Has Miles never been with Chocola?
I can't confirm that.
No, I don't think he has.
That's so.
I mean, it makes if you look at the pictures.
Any gentleman guy says I can either confirm nor deny, he confirmed.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I don't think he's never even made out with Chocola.
I don't think so.
Maybe he's made out.
He don't know what he's missing.
No, you got to hook him up.
Oh, dude, we got to get him.
Kiss.
We got to get him.
Oh, my God.
He looks like the kind of guy, right?
Actually, I can see him with a Vietnamese chick.
It's such an insult.
Son, that's the biggest white guy insult.
Mark, that's such a white guy.
That's what you guys think Vietnamese will run a prize.
Nah, nah.
A white dude, see, that's prize.
That's that weird white shit you're talking about.
Calling him a fucking prize.
I know.
Fucking conquistador ass motherfucker.
That's a prize, bro.
She's dropping shit like that.
You're a jewel.
I don't know why that shit is an insult, but we all know why this shit is an insult.
Yeah, it is.
I can see him with like a fuck up, like a Vietnamese girl needs to get into the country.
I need citizenship real bad.
I can see that.
You're a terrible best friend.
Yeah, I know.
I'm going to hook him up, though.
No, we got to get him a black girl, bro.
Yeah.
A black girl would really whip him into shape.
Yeah.
If he could handle it, it would really whip him.
I think we need a black, beautiful woman.
He gets a black girl.
He's going to come in here like Chet Hanks.
He's going to come in here like Chet Hex.
Swagged out.
I think we need.
I think Miles needs a black girlfriend, though.
We need to get Miles Black.
He would make it a white boy fall.
We could do white boy fall.
Miles Bottles.
Black Queen, bro.
Miles needs a black queen.
Nubian queen.
Nubian princess.
Nubian, bro.
Facts.
Bald-headed.
Shaved head.
Yeah, black woman, shea butter.
Yeah, what'd you say?
Shea butter.
Shea butter.
He could take her to like a high school baseball field, go on a little date.
Them little pee wee fuck pee wee baseball parks.
Miles gonna go to the bowling alley off hours.
He'd be there at 4:30 at Baltimore Lanes.
We're eating on lane nine.
He'd be on the date and cooking the food.
You like hot dogs?
Where's Miles, bro?
We got Miles.
Miles.
All right, he's gone.
Anyway, guys, we love y'all.
We appreciate y'all.
But most importantly, Arcas, we're so proud of you, man.
Congratulations on getting married.
Thank you, man.
Love you guys.
We love you.
We're grateful to be there for that amazing celebration.
Congratulations to your wife.
And she's got an amazing guy.
So we can do yours in six months.
Yeah, you guys are bachelors.
Bachelor cucks.
You guys are such bachelors, dude.
We got you coming up.
Yeah.
You guys are bachelor cucks, bro.
Like me and Akash, we are married as fuck.
Yeah.
Married as fuck, bro.
You never had a bachelor party, son.
No, no, no.
I might do mine after.
I told her I might do mine after.
And she's like, oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It's not going to happen.
You're going to the bowling alley with Miles, bro.
Ill-ass bachelor party.
Isn't that a me bachelor party?
Yeah, it would be just a regular.
Oh my god, it's two lanes, guys.
She has unlimited nachos.
We're in.
Who's in?
All night.
Say low.
Let's have a lock-in.
Well, anyway, guys, we love y'all.
We appreciate y'all.
And Patreon episode this Friday, we will see you there.
Patreon.com slash flagrants who sign up, join the asshole army, support the flagrant seat.