Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, and guests dissect racial dynamics, from Taylor's controversial claim about room temperature to debates on Instagram filters altering perceptions of beauty. They analyze Rudy Giuliani mocking Asian accents, Stevie Nicks' abortion comments, and AOC's political trajectory alongside jokes about Trump's milkshakes and Annika's alleged COVID cure. Ultimately, the chaotic dialogue highlights how modern technology and generational trauma reshape societal norms regarding race, gender, and power. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Taylor's Bike Gear Question00:08:50
Because Taylor came into the podcast with an amazing question, and I think she's topped it before the podcast even started.
What's up?
This is Flager 2.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
We got Akash saying Alex Media Mark Gagnon.
Taylor in the motherfucking building.
Now, Taylor started the podcast with a very interesting question.
She said, How many times do you have sex per week?
And we were going to begin the show with that question because I thought it'd be very entertaining.
Get into the sex stuff.
It's always fun.
But then Taylor out of nowhere said, because our AC ain't working.
Okay.
And Akash goes, it's kind of hot in here.
And then Taylor goes, y'all think it's hot?
And then we were like, yeah.
And then she's like, nah, it only gets hot if there's a lot of black people.
I said it was going to be hot because there's so many people in the room.
And Taylor said that only applies to black people.
No, no, no, no.
I'm saying if you guys were black too, then it'll be hot.
That's what aren't enough to heat up a room.
And why is it only black?
Yeah, why are we starting with Akash?
Why are white people so much colder?
What's happening?
Now, explain this.
Actually, you might make up for some of the soj is black enough to increase the temperature of the room.
But are you like, are we white walkers?
Are we like just what are we to temperature?
Explain what Mark and I are to temperature.
What are we making the room colder?
I don't know because y'all don't, like, this is no offense, but like, I don't think y'all know what like cold is for us white people because I see y'all walk outside with shorts on all the time when it's like 30 degrees.
It's clearly not.
Why is that?
What is going on?
We don't wash our legs, so enough dirt builds up that we can't feel any type of temperature at all.
We don't feel cold.
We feel nothing on our legs.
That's why we don't wash our legs.
We're smart.
You guys are out here with cocoa butter, super shiny, clean legs, and you're freezing.
Okay, you're freezing.
You got to wear Ugg boots up to your thighs like Mary J. Blige in the winter.
That's what you're doing.
We can tell you.
I'm talking about Alex.
Well, we can tell.
We can tell that.
Yo, remember when Charlotte came in with the fucking knee-high Timberlands?
Were you on Brilliant for that episode?
You remember this?
Yo, Charlotte, we got to get this episode.
Charlotte came in once with knee-high Timberlands.
It's crazy.
People don't know how to wear Timberlands.
It's so easy.
You know, you just buy some standard Tim's.
We in New York, guys.
Figure it out.
Bro, this shit was so funny because Charlotte's already small.
So at first, I was looking at him like, I was like, yo, is his leg so short that the regular Timberlands come up to his knees?
Like, it was like a little bit.
Like a little kid wearing giant Tims.
Yeah, like you're walking in your dad's boots.
I was like, yo, you want to fly this shit right?
He's shorter than me, but he's like a size 14 shoe or whatever the fuck.
So it makes sense that she would go mad high.
That was pretty much it.
Tell me that, I guess, for his highest.
I shamed him out of never wearing them shoes again.
He's about to get boots like this, but high up too.
Nah, no, we're not going to allow that.
That's what he said.
We're not going to allow that.
Mark, stop playing with the AC.
I'm tired of it.
Done.
This is going to be the temperature.
It is what it is.
And us whites will do the best we can to keep it cool around here.
Just for you, Taylor.
Okay.
But now I know that you have a prejudice about white people.
You think that we're colder.
Mark, give me the goddamn fucking AC.
I swear to God.
That was a terrible throw, Yomos.
That was a terrible throw.
That was a million bags.
I was just throwing around the fucking technology all the time.
Yo, son, I'm not good at technology.
That's fine.
All right.
But y'all don't got to embarrass me about this.
This is fucked up.
Now, it's one thing we play games.
You know, obviously I'm not the best at technology.
I do my best to learn.
Okay.
It took me 35 minutes to put a goddamn Instagram video up on this.
It wouldn't go into bigger.
Son.
You know when you hit the two arrows and it goes to IGTV?
Yeah.
I kept hitting ours right in front of you.
What'd you do?
You just stood there.
Nah, it's your phone, so what about my phone?
It's just your fingers.
They're so shaky.
So you just kept hitting it twice.
I was double tapping.
Am I turning into my mom?
Anyway, point is, this is the thing.
This is the thing.
You can make fun of me.
That's fucked.
That's how you know you're the goat.
You got him goat hands.
Yo, all right.
So, look, here's the thing.
You think when Ali was like, I'm the fastest man on earth?
He said, standing still.
Yo, that's it.
He's just slowed down.
Like back in the day, Ali was so fast.
He was like a hummingbird where it just looks like it's floating in front of the flower because the wings are going so fast.
And then later on, we were like, damn, Ali's kind of shaky.
He got... Ice bucket or whatever that disease.
Did he have ice bucket?
You know, if Ollie was like, no, he had Lou Gehrig's disease.
Lou Gehrig's.
It was Lou Gehrig's, right?
Lou Gehrigs.
He had some sort of disease.
Which disease did he have?
Ali Parkinson's.
What?
What?
Back to the Future disease.
Wait a minute.
Parkinson's?
Ali?
Yes.
Parkinson's, right?
I thought he had Ice Bucket.
Nah, nah.
Ice Bucket is like mad debilitating.
Like, Ice Bucket, you're fucked.
So Parkinson's is the one where you're doing the like, you're doing a little breakdance battle.
Yo, why would you dump ice and water on a guy with Parkinson's?
Is he already shivering?
Maybe he's trying to make him feel normal.
Maybe it's like, you know, you want to get a little bit of a shot.
Oh, I got solidarity.
Yeah, we're all going to shiver a little bit.
God, this is horrible karma.
I hope none of us get any of these diseases.
It's all your fault out.
So we got to make it hot in here, bro, so we don't shiver.
We're not shaking at all.
Okay, so the point being, right?
My girl's in the studio the other day.
She takes this new bike.
Okay?
She takes this new bike out.
Sit right the fuck down.
It doesn't matter if the angles are fucked up.
Who cares?
Okay.
How fucked up is that?
Is Akash?
He's too low?
Okay.
I'm low, bro.
I'm 5'7.
What you gonna do?
Point is.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
I never let it get you.
Taylor's done taking dicks bigger than you, Akash.
Don't ever let her owe you again.
Okay.
I just never met someone that, you know, they said their size.
They said their size.
Okay.
So I can see why I could use my lives.
That's how I strive, Joe.
So, so I'm here at the studio.
My girl comes.
Everybody's over here.
We're working on a little thing.
She brings her bike.
Okay.
It's a fancy bike.
It's by Van Moof.
All right.
It's an electric bike.
Yeah.
You also got to pedal.
I don't know why you would have to do both of them shits, but it's just whatever they do.
I put it together myself.
Okay.
Whoa.
I put your bike together myself.
This guy's a man.
That shit must have been heller easy.
It was easy.
He's home improvement over here.
But I was doing it.
I used all the wrenches, all that kind of shit.
You used wrenches.
I was using wrenches.
I was using Allen keys.
I used the whole thing.
I scratched up the whole fucking fender bending that shit over.
Okay.
I damn near ruined her bike before she ever ruined.
But I did put it together, okay?
She rooted it.
Okay.
Road it, whatever.
She comes and says there's some problem with the bike.
What problem did she say there was?
The gears were messed up.
The gears were messed up.
Yeah.
Now, it's in front of everybody.
You can't say it in private.
I was wondering.
It's in front of everybody.
You said the gears were messed up, right?
It's in front of everybody.
I walk up to the bike.
I go, all right, baby, I'll fix a bike.
Oh, no, that's a bad move on your part.
No, no, no.
You didn't say that.
Hold on, hold on.
Let me set it up, guys.
Let me set it up, boys.
I set it up.
Don't worry.
Let's just have fate.
I walk up to the bike going, all right, babe.
I'll take care of it.
Knowing damn well, I can't tear care of no fucking gears in this bike.
I didn't even know the bike had gears in the first place.
Okay.
I hear them start laughing at me.
You guys were laughing.
I wasn't here for this.
I was laughing.
Who else was here?
Everyone else.
I was in the back.
Oh, okay.
You were here, but you weren't here.
I didn't even know this happened.
Yeah.
So you start laughing.
Other people start laughing.
You blowing my cover.
Yeah, that's fucked up, Mark.
That's fucked up.
But can I explain my side, though?
Yeah.
Because you walk up.
And she goes, yeah, the bike, there's something wrong with the gears.
And you go, oh, yeah, yeah, there's something wrong with the gears.
And she goes, yeah, it's clicking.
You go, oh, yeah, it's clicking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She goes, yeah, every time I pedal, it makes like a weird noise.
Like, I feel it's going to fall apart.
He goes, Yeah, weird noise is gonna fall apart.
Oh, man, yeah, that's bad.
It seems like it's the gears.
You know, if y'all want to know how much I know about fixing shit, I went up to the bike and I literally grabbed the pedal and I just rotated the pedal in a circle.
I rotated the pedal 360 degrees, right?
And my girl's just looking at me.
She's like, What are you doing?
I'm like, Yeah, sometimes it clicking comes to the pedals.
These pedals can get all messed up, but it might not even be the gears in the first place.
I literally am looking for the gears on this bike, okay?
I pressed one of the buttons at the top, the horn went off.
I didn't know she had a horn on this bike.
Everything's like hidden in this goddamn bike.
Okay, what I was just trying to do is get her back to the city.
Once we get back to the city, not in front of you guys, I can go take it to the bike specialist and the bike specialist can fix it.
100%.
Yeah, that's how we do.
You gotta laugh me in front of my girl.
Okay, you know what I'm saying?
Taylor, that's disrespectful.
She knows I can't fix shit.
Okay, she got I almost called them henchmen.
Handymen.
She got handy.
I don't even know the name of the people to fix the shit.
She got handymen in and out of the building, disrespecting me in my own home, hanging paintings.
I can't even hang a goddamn painting.
And the fact that their names are handymen makes it so much worse.
Pedals, Horns, and Relationships00:10:22
Why?
Because it got Andy in it.
No, but literally, she's in front of you being like, I need a handyman around here.
You ain't handy or a man.
Yeah, I need a man that can, you know, dead wait.
Oh, and I just got the handy because Andrew.
Yeah.
Now you hide, Taylor.
You are fucking high.
Listen, my point is, you know, it's a rough patch in our relationship that we're trying to get through.
Okay.
This idea that we're not going to be able to do everything.
I can't do everything.
She can't do everything.
You know what I mean?
As simple as that.
I'm not going to be able to fix everything, guys.
Sometimes you got to order takeout.
You got to order.
Well, now she can kind of chef.
I'm not going to lie.
She's pretty good at shit.
I'm not going to lie.
She's pretty fucking good at shit.
Let me tell you this.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank God, you're rich.
That's what I'm saying.
I get rich so that I can afford to pay people to do shit I can't do.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
She got to be skilled.
You know, and that handyman is so handy.
If she messes up some of them skills, you ain't a handyman.
You a wallet man.
And what would you rather have at the end of the day?
What would you rather have at the end of the day?
The guy who could fix shit or the guy that could pay somebody to fix whatever he needs?
I'm not going to do it.
And then buy you a gift in a rough economy, you know, when the American dollar might not be worth the same as it always is, but you win silver money, so what's ever.
I put a little money in silver.
That shit doing horrible.
Nothing's worth anything anymore.
It might come down to a time where we need to be a little bit handy.
Right.
Okay.
Let's have a conversation about what Taylor brought up this morning before her crazy other question.
I don't even know how she got to, which is how often do we have sex a week?
That's what you asked.
How often do we have sex a week?
Now, I'm assuming you're asking this because you either want to be having sex more or less per week.
Is that correct?
This is a reflection of your relationship potential.
No, it's not.
I think you are projecting.
Oh, my God.
I think you are projecting right now.
Now, there's nothing there's anything wrong with you.
Exhausting it must be for your boyfriend to fuck you with that huge dick.
That shit is a workout, yo.
He probably gets a sore pelvis afterward right here.
These muscles.
It's exhausted.
It's like battle ropes at the gym.
You gotta do that shit.
You know what I mean?
I'd be exhausted too.
Yo, that is crazy.
Have you ever played Mario Brothers 2?
I don't know.
Maybe.
You know the one?
Do y'all know the one?
Mario Brothers 2?
When they're yanking like the turnips out of the ground, if you guys see anyone, I thought you're talking about the vine that grows all the way to the sky.
That's the only for this.
Yeah, that's your man's dick.
But anyway, so the point is, you want to know what is the average amount of sex per week?
How often are you having it?
And I'll tell you if it's below or above.
This is personal.
You asked me.
You brought it up.
Well, technically, doesn't it depend on how busy each people are doing?
Yes, it does.
So average.
We're going with the average.
That's why we said average.
You're in a happy voice to agree.
Yes, it does.
100%.
100%.
Okay, so we're going to say, so Monday through Friday, right?
No, no.
What do you think the weekly is, Taylor?
What do you think of the week?
What's wrong with this girl?
What's wrong with this girl?
How long do you have sex per week?
I mean, Monday.
Yeah, just Monday.
Night to five, Monday to Friday.
No, I'm just saying Monday through Friday.
No, no, no.
And in the weekend.
The whole week.
That's some black shit you gave yourself three fifths of a week.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
That's self-loathing, honestly.
You deserve the full seven days.
Probably like.
Talking to the right person.
Sorry.
She was thinking about four to five.
What the fuck?
Yeah, I'm going to play a one.
Because it depends.
I'm talking about twice a day.
Oh, my God.
Monday to Friday.
Twice a day.
What?
Two times having sex in one day and one 24-hour day.
Are you talking about you have sex at night and then you have sex like lunchtime the next day?
Are you talking about each insertion?
Yeah.
Okay, that's a little bit, that's within a 24-hour period.
I'm not crazy crazy.
Okay, so when I four to five times a week, right?
That is above average.
Is it?
Yeah.
How long have you guys been in a relationship?
Almost a year.
Almost a year.
Okay.
Yeah, I think that's above average.
How often do you have sex a week?
I'm going to be honest.
When she said how many times with an S, I was like, I'm in trouble.
I'm in joke.
How am I going to fix this, guys?
How am I staying out of this when I'm looking cool?
Once a week?
Probably.
It's tough to have an average, but if we're averaging less than once a week.
0.75.
Dude, I'm a sex addict over here, too.
You boy is sex addicted.
How do I get anything else done, bro?
Hold on.
Once a week, less than once a week.
So you go sometimes.
Nah, realistically, more than once a week, but it's Tom 36.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's a lot.
It's a lot.
Times a week?
Bro, I need to.
It's not every week.
So I'm actually just talking about it.
How long is it going to matter at this point?
Damn.
It really depends.
Yo, I hate all these depending on the week.
It depends, yo.
Yeah, it depends.
The weeks you have sex, more, you have sex, more.
The weeks you have sex, less, you have sex less.
I ain't no depends, bro.
On a good week, I'm four to five.
Four to five?
Shit.
That's record safe.
Shit.
And on a bad week, it'll be just once.
Nah, bro.
Two.
Your boy's out here with two.
That's how I do it.
Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Pull up to Magnolia projects.
I'm not playing games on this.
But that's why I said that.
I got Monday, Friday.
Day night, Tuesdays.
Okay.
I got a gift dick.
So two times a week.
And that's great.
I love that.
Because I don't want sex to ever feel like a chore.
Do you know what I mean?
You pencil it in.
Yeah, I know.
Say it.
Is that what I said?
It's fucking ridiculous.
Hey, hey, is that what I said, bro?
Tuesday and Saturday is what I meant.
But there's a no, no.
What I meant by like chore, meaning like, we got to fuck.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would rather be dying to fuck, starving for a fuck, and then we do it than be like, ah, we just got to have sex, like, get it over with.
That's what I'm saying, though.
Like, when I said Monday through Friday, as in like maybe once, Monday through Friday throughout that week.
And then on the weekend, it's only popping.
Like, I told my man this past week, and I'm like, we're going to have, I haven't seen him.
How old is your man?
33.
I'm okay with that.
How old are you?
He works out a lot.
He has stigma.
But he's, I'm 29.
Well, technically 28 because I didn't count this year, but you know.
Wait, you can't just not count.
Okay.
Sometimes you just gotta let your slide.
I'm finally realizing this.
Allow me to.
You can't just comment on everything she says.
The whole podcast just becomes this.
Okay.
I don't even know where to begin.
Mark, how long often do you have sex?
Well, that's okay.
All right, we're done.
So we got to talk about 23, bro.
Yeah, man.
He's a young buckaroo.
You should be having sex too.
That's the thing that's different: is that you like you come twice a week, you do, yeah.
Whereas, like, so all sexual interactions, probably like three to four a week, okay, but then also, like, you know, oh, Dill, stop it, stop with your little fucking shit.
Get out of here.
Son, this guy's gay, dude.
Son, no, no, stop it.
I didn't even want to go in.
Are you doing that when you swear?
It's just so stupid.
What he was about to say is like, sometimes I'll just gall down on her.
No, that's what you said.
Excuse me, what's wrong with that?
But get nothing in return?
Why did you think he was going to say that?
Yeah.
Well, what were you going to say?
I was going to say, jerk it off.
I was going to say, yeah.
Oh, jerk off.
Yeah.
That's even crazier.
That is crazy.
How are you three to four times angry?
You're a maniac.
You're a maniac, dude.
That's crazy.
He's fresh out of college.
This is what he would do.
That makes perfect sense.
Nah, he's a nympho, son.
That's a nympho.
That's nympho level enough day.
That's crazy.
Most college days guys are jerking off once a day.
I'm not saying it's right, but that's what they're doing.
No, they're not, dude.
I was in college, bro.
We all showered together.
We jerk off every other day together.
We had a dorm room.
We would all shower.
We all be talking to ourselves in the shower.
One dude would just drop out of the conversation for no reason.
We'd be like, ow!
You got it!
It's different from women, though.
Yeah, you grew up in a different time, dog.
Yeah, what do you mean?
Pre-Instagram?
Now, like, now there's way more things to jerk off to, you're saying all day's guys are just like chilling.
They're scrolling on Instagram.
They go, oh, yeah, this one will be fun.
I am bored.
I do want dopamine.
Hit it.
Hit it.
Yeah, exactly.
That's how it is.
Whereas, like, I feel like when you went to college, it was like, oh, yeah, I'm going to go fucking.
But we had Facebook, dog.
You know what I mean?
We had people and we had like real-life women that we could talk to.
And that wasn't weird.
You could just go.
You weren't out there getting, you know, fingering girls and shit in college.
Nah.
You said you fingered a girl in college.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Yo, son.
Hold on, son.
You ain't finger a girl in college?
Didn't you have a girl in college or some shit?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you didn't hear her hump.
That dry hump.
Yo, she got that stroke.
That denim on denim stroke.
Hey, that bitch's left arm muscle went numb the way she was getting stroked out.
Hey, you might need Aspen, bitch.
Because you finna catch this stroke.
You got Levi stroking her, bro.
Hold on.
You got Levi into the day?
Did you finger her, dude?
No, no, bro.
Dry humps.
Did you dry finger?
Did you rub around?
She got that dry finger.
You gave her that dry finger?
No, bro.
Like, I was looking for a stain.
Where you at?
Oh, no.
Check the inseam on my pants, please.
That's what you were doing.
Bro, dry humps.
Yeah.
All day.
Couldn't stop me from dry humping this bitch.
Yeah.
She still probably feels it.
I feel you, bro.
What do we got, man?
What's going on?
Never letting Taylor start a podcast with a question again.
I don't think ever.
I think we opened up more.
No, I'm just teasing you.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because your girl deserves a night of her life.
And honestly, I just said that I don't even know if she deserves a night of her life, but you might as well give it to her.
Or maybe it's a girl that you don't know.
Okay.
Maybe it's a girl that you're about to date.
Maybe it's a girl you just matched with online.
These girls deserve the best dick that you got.
Dry Humps and Cheating Scandals00:11:37
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Let's get back to the show.
So we got a bunch of stories we can cover.
Let's talk about it.
There's some rapper Nuke Bizzle, who was arrested for illegally obtaining 1.2 million in jobless benefits, like corona relief stuff.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Yeah, I think you're going to see a lot of these types of stories, man.
You're talking about like PPP loans.
I think PPP was a deployment, apparently, right?
Yeah, he was also accused of like faking identities and collecting those checks as well.
Oh, my God.
I think this is an important story.
Okay.
I think.
There's a lot of people that fuck with that people.
This is black people doing white people crimes.
Defrauding the government.
It's kind of fake identities.
And it's interesting.
This is a sign of progress, I think.
He's bragging about this kind of crime, and that's what fucked him up.
Like, if you're a rapper and you're like, yeah, I like mugged some guy, I robbed someone.
I got someone's house, sold jewelry.
It's like, oh, yeah, that goes with the territory.
As soon as you're like, oh, yeah, I defrauded the government out of millions of dollars.
Fuck you, man.
It is.
That's a rap territory.
No, that's a very interesting fact.
Right?
Which is like...
That's the rap territory.
We always hear about the rap police.
Right?
Have you heard about these?
So the rap police, apparently, these police are just listening to rap albums all day and waiting for rappers to talk about fucked up shit that they did so they could arrest them for it.
Right.
Right?
Not a lot of rap police arrests.
A couple.
Bobby Shmurda.
But was Shmurda arrested because of that, or were they already following him and they tried to use the lyrics in the song as justification?
I think they were already following him.
I think they're already on him, right?
I guess my point is, you see these rappers get arrested for flexing on a gram, right?
Because there was somebody else as well was like flexing that they got some crazy PPP loans or something like that.
But it's interesting that this is what they're getting clipped for.
When people are like, yo, I'm out here.
I'm selling drugs.
I got money.
Put the money in it.
Nobody really gives a fuck.
What do you think it is, boys?
I think that's where the government is like, no, no, no, now you're stealing from us.
Where the IRS just don't play games.
Yeah, I don't think you could play.
I think they got Kodak for that.
Didn't Kodak have a...
Or weren't rappers putting a lot of money in their, they're putting like a lot of money in like their Instagram posts.
And all of a sudden they're like, yo, this is somebody who's like, this is fake money.
I just want to let you know.
Yeah, that was these guys.
They tried to put it up, but they don't know if they put it up after the video was up and they were getting heat or if it was before.
But they said, oh, this isn't real money.
These are props.
But some other rapper did that as well.
I just want to let everybody know.
I remember that happening back because they were coming for him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's interesting.
A whole division of the government just to look after people flexing on a gram, making sure it's legit.
Yeah.
You know what, though?
Trump did say, I paid $700 in taxes because I'm good at the rules that you guys made.
Yeah, he knew this.
Yeah.
Get good at it.
Get a good attorney.
What is it called?
Get a good accountant.
He says I did it legally.
This guy's like, nah, I'll just be defrauding y'all.
You know what I mean?
He's not, I got played by the rules.
He was so blatant about it.
He was like posting about it on his Instagram and then made a music video.
Yeah.
Oh, this guy's trying to get a rapper.
The song is called EDD.
Which is.
Which is like, I don't know.
It's like the money that he got.
It's like the loan that he was able to defraud out and made a music video about him bragging about how he got rich off of stealing money from the government.
Who's that?
Who's that other guy?
First Day Out or some shit like that?
Oh, yeah.
T Grizzly.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
The other one.
He like rapped about the guy he murdered.
Oh, he was on the run.
Yeah, Tay K.
He was another one.
But that was actual some real shit, though.
Like he murdered somebody and then he rapped about it.
Then he was on the run.
Cops were after him.
And he was like on the run a couple weeks, right?
That'd be a fire ass album while you're on the run.
You put that shit out.
It was wild.
It was called The Race.
And he was literally rapping in front of like wanted posters of himself.
Oh, that's ill.
It was like cowboy shit.
But then they got him.
Then they got him.
They're always going to get him.
It was kind of sad story.
He's like 18.
He's in jail forever.
He kills some guys.
Kind of wild.
Ah, that's fucking bad.
But yeah.
But the song was wild in the chase.
Like, everyone loved it.
But this kid did the same thing.
He made this song about stealing money from the government.
I don't know if it's good, though.
I haven't listened to it.
We got to bump it.
Anyway, y'all saw what happened with Cardi, right?
Getting back with offset.
Getting back with offset.
Yeah.
I never understand this, man.
I think we probably talked about the podcast before, but like, and I know there's a comic that had a joke about it.
I'm not sure who it is, but like, if you're a girl that says all men cheat, you can't really break up with a guy for cheating on you.
That's true.
Because the replacement guy, according to you, is also going to cheat because you say all men cheat.
Yeah.
So you're putting this, you're putting yourself in a situation where you got to accept cheating because that's all there is.
Right?
I mean, you could be perturbed by it, but if you want to live your life with a man and your belief is that all men cheat, you're going to get cheated on.
So when it happens, why are you so shocked?
And whoever you get, you ain't gay, you're going to get cheated on.
Yes.
Any man you get with get cheated on you because all men cheat.
You could get a girl if you don't want to get cheated on if that's the number one clause.
Now, I don't believe all men cheat because I know I don't cheat.
Okay.
I've cheated not on my girl, but I've cheated in the past.
You know what I'm saying?
So maybe they do.
I don't fucking know.
Maybe all of us was out here dry humping girls back in the day.
That's why they got assless chaps.
Exclusive dry humps, though.
Akash was behind girls in Texas, just rubbing up on them to them buck cheeks blew it away.
Faithfully, though, Julie.
Faithfully, though.
Back in the day.
Back in the day.
I'm saying back in the day, right?
What?
I said, Akash would make assless chaps.
He'd be grinding up on you on the club.
You walk home.
Buck cheeks, just hanging out your jeans.
That's what they do in Dallas, bro.
That's where they came up with it.
That's what I just said, Mark.
If you were listening.
I was like, Akash rubbing his dick.
So, point is, can you be mad at Cardi if she has that belief?
No.
Because no girl wants their man to cheat.
No, I'm not saying any girl wants her man to cheat.
And I don't think all girls have this belief system.
I think there's a lot of girls that believe that guys will be faithful, but they also believe that guys have cheated, right?
And I think there's guys that believe that girls will cheat.
A lot of times people are unhappy in relationships, they cheat, right?
But if you're one of these girls who's like, yo, men ain't shit, they all cheat.
And you decide to be in a relationship with a man, you can't break up with him for cheating.
That makes no sense.
Especially divorced, because where are you going to go?
You married this guy.
Now you get divorced, get with another man who's poorer and cheats.
Now you get cheated on by a poor guy.
Wouldn't you rather get cheated on by a rich guy?
Well, I mean, that's what she did.
She took him back because he bought her a fucking Rolls-Royce or a fan or some shit like that.
What are you?
She said it's not why, but I just say that's not why.
Come on.
Let's move her back.
She went.
Everybody showed a Kobe ring, R.I.P., but that was a big ass rock that he gave to me.
Yeah.
He gave her an infinity stone out, bro.
And that's what you got to do.
Yeah, so.
Time stone.
He just refers to it.
But this is what you're missing, though.
Like, she's definitely going to take probably, she took offset back before cheating.
It's just like when.
So when do you stop?
So here's the question.
If you're offset and you know she's going to take you back, what reason are you going to stop cheating?
But that's you took me back for cheating.
So what is it?
You cheat five times and then you don't take me back?
Well, here's the thing: the inflation gift cost is rapid rising.
You know what I mean?
The first time he cheated on no fucking Rolls-Royce.
This time it's a Rolls-Royce.
Next time it's the fucking Kobe ring.
Then it's a hot, like it's going to, the cost just keeps going up.
You think who they cheat on also affects the price?
No, I don't.
Really?
I don't.
So if you just cheat on like some random group, you have to be able to get a little bit of a choice.
We know is if you look at them, make them look embarrassed.
That's all.
They're embarrassed every time you cheat.
That's going to, they're just going to be embarrassed.
But maybe if you're not.
Maybe it's all about perception.
Because publicly, you get this Rolls-Royce.
So now you look better.
Whereas before, and he looks a little like simpy or whatever the word is.
And before you look like shit, you got cheated on.
You get disrespected.
But now you're getting a Rolls-Royce in front of everybody.
And now your perception is a little bit saved.
Maybe it's just how am I perceived by people.
I don't want that to be fine.
I think that matters.
I 100% agree with you.
I think that that's huge.
And for everybody, especially the girl.
But it's just a weird thing.
Like, what reason do you have not to cheat if you want to cheat in the future?
If she's taking you back a few times.
Now, I'm not against taking someone back for cheating, though, because, like, I think a lot of people don't realize a lot of people that judge that not taking someone back for cheating are in like high school relationships.
They're not adults that have a child.
It's different, yo.
It's different, bro.
It's different.
Like, one night where you fuck up is going to dictate the rest of your child's life.
Yeah.
It's also the nature of the cheating.
If you're in like a 10-year affair with some other random person, boom, if you get your dick sucked in the back of a pizza hut, I don't think that that's something that's maybe like completely breakuppable.
Now, if my girl did that, obviously I'll break up with her and she could die somewhere, but that's fine.
And I'll steal the child.
I will steal the child.
It'll be Amber Alert.
You'll see Andrew Saltz, Amber Alert.
Amber Alert.
I'm in an Uber.
I'm an Uber.
I'm an Uber and Amber Alert.
Real talk.
See, that's the bias.
Uber XL.
A little more room for my kid that you tried to take away from me by sucking dicks at Pizza Hut.
How y'all forgive us for cheating, yo?
Real talk.
I'm going through it right now.
That's crazy.
Because men, it's different hormonally.
You better be in a whole relationship.
Nah, real talk.
Girls are like, I don't want you to be in a whole other relationship and have a whole thing.
If it was just a one-time, you know, little hookup, I could maybe forgive that.
But if you had another family on the side, I could never forgive that.
I hope you got a family on the side if you cheat on me.
Yeah, because then I get free time.
That's perfect.
You just found a silver lining.
But not only do I get free time, at least you love this motherfucker.
You sucking his dick.
Yeah.
Not you lust him.
Imagine you lusted a dude.
You just look at some guy you don't even know.
Now you sucking his dick.
I'm throwing up just thinking about that.
Nah, but as a dude, what if you cheat?
I'm starting to dislike my girl.
She didn't even do nothing.
This is like what she's doing.
I'm literally building up a story of my girl doing that.
And she ain't gonna do it.
And I don't like her now.
This is how girls feel when they wake up from a dream and they found out that you cheated in the watch The Bachelor with her tonight, bro.
I was supposed to go and watch a bachelor.
What is it called?
I'm watching Love on the Spectrum instead.
Let me tell you something.
Hey, Drew, man and man.
Yeah.
Don't punish yourself.
Don't beat yourself up.
I mean, that means I was not watching Bachelor.
I don't take that away.
They got this prehistoric bitch trying to get married on this.
What does she do?
Is she cheating on all these people?
Are you immature mentally?
Of course you are.
You're 38.
That's how you got to be a little bit more damn good.
TikTok.
TikTok.
Let me say some time's up.
She got a whole omelet with them eggs, bro.
Let's be honest.
They said COVID postponed the bet.
What did I just say?
Was that a loan that just gave you PP?
No, but COVID postponed the Bachelor, what?
Two months or some shit like that?
She don't got it.
No, bro.
This is valuable time.
What you doing on her ass?
I know.
And she's trying to run a PPP scandal on The Bachelor.
Really?
Y'all didn't know about what's going on in the Bachelor of the season?
Allegedly, she got a relationship with one of the dudes already.
The dude's on the show.
And they're like, yo, we're just going to work it out.
I'm going to be able to do it.
And I'm going to shoot.
I'm going to shoot this guy in my life.
Well, I can corroborate the story because I watched the whole episode.
Bachelor Drama and Milkshakes00:04:46
Jesus, son.
What's his name?
Dale, bro.
Yeah, Dale's a pretty motherfucker, too.
Dale.
Yeah, I don't blame her, bro.
Dale could do better.
Honestly, I was saying that the whole time.
And then I started to look at this girl.
She kind of, as Trump would say, she kind of, she's really, dude.
She's.
She's got the milkshake.
Can we pull a picture up?
Yeah, get a picture of her, yo.
She got the milkshake, bro.
Yo, she got the malt.
She got the whole, the best malt.
Yo, Trump got to stop being so likable, bro.
Sadden.
It's a problem.
Yo, it's a problem.
Tell me this isn't likable.
His first security briefing that just came out.
His first security briefing.
He's sitting down.
He's in like Mar-a-Lago, like his hotel or whatever like that.
He's sitting with the security advisors and they're giving him all the secrets.
Yeah.
Right?
It's a to get in, you have to have a code.
It's like a secret code meeting.
You can't get to the meeting.
It's just the motherfuckers who know everything, know who we got to kill, know who we already killed, know what happened to JFK, know about UFOs, all that Tupac, everything.
Tupac, okay?
Know exactly where he is in Cuba.
Yeah.
Alive.
Okay.
He's in the meeting.
In the middle of the meeting, he stops it.
He waves a waiter in to the security briefing meeting and goes, guys, we've got amazing milkshakes.
Okay.
The most amazing milkshakes you ever had.
Do you guys want a malt?
Does anybody want a malt?
Do you guys want a malt?
Anyone want a malt?
I'm going to have a milkshake.
Orders a fucking milkshake in the middle of the security meeting.
I can tell you for sure.
I would have been looking around if I'm security.
Like, I could kind of go for it.
I want a milkshake.
I'm a little, I get thirsty when I do this briefing.
Nobody ever asks me.
Do you know how many times I've done this briefing?
I never had a malt.
Who wouldn't love a malt?
I'm saying you're laughing now because you know a little part of you was in that meeting, like, all right, the country's gone, but it's going away in a fun way.
I'll be like, yo, can I get the extra?
Can I get the extra that you got to put in the cup?
Hey, bro, bring that 10.
Bring that 10.
I hate it when they try to keep the 10.
Son, don't do that to me.
That's disrespect, guys.
Like, make that milkshake.
So, were you with me?
Nah.
Were you with me when I called him out?
Well, he'd be doing that on the regular.
On the regular.
They try to bring me the motherfucking milkshake and then not bring the 10, right?
I go, hey, bro, they got the 10 part.
What's the 10?
Yeah, okay.
So they have a metal mixing thing that goes into the milkshake blender.
Okay.
And the reason it's metal is because that milkshake blender is made out of metal as well.
You could cut some shit up.
You could break glass.
Okay.
So you make the milkshake and then you pour it into the glass and then you bring the glass to the people at the table.
Sometimes you make too much milkshake.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, sometimes.
All the time.
Yes.
Oh, so there's extra milkshakes.
There's extra milkshake.
This bitch is going to say to me, no, no, that's how much was there.
I go, what about the 10?
Is it the left and the 10?
She goes, no, that's all there was.
I go, I go, I go, are you telling me you made the perfect amount of milkshake?
Is that you saying that you eyeballed it and you made the perfect amount of milkshake?
What'd she say to me?
Yes, bro.
Yes.
She stuck to her guns.
I gotta believe that.
I knew it.
I knew they would do some shit like that.
She didn't give you the milkshake?
She ain't giving you the rest of the milk yet.
God bless her, though.
God bless her.
Fuck.
God bless her.
You haven't been to a Jamba Juice, though.
They be getting that shit perfect, though.
Nah, there's always extra at the juice.
There's no damn like a Jamba, bro.
There's extra, but that should be perfect.
Nah, extra milk.
They pour you in.
Look at the blender next time.
They're not giving you what you deserve.
Damn.
Real talk.
God.
Yeah, but I don't want no more Jamba Juice.
Why not?
I don't know, man.
Jamba Juice, I don't trust.
Why?
I just don't think it's good for you.
What's all sugar?
You talking about milkshakes right now.
The fuck you got.
Yeah, you get the extra milkshake.
Hey, we go into them for different reasons, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
I used to go to Jamba Juice thinking it was a protein shake.
I was like, man, this tastes miraculous.
That's on you.
That's on me.
That's all I know.
You're like, I didn't know.
You're like a dumb lady that was giving her kids Nutella every day and then sued Nutella because she was like, I thought it was healthy.
I did think it was healthy.
Nah, it used to market it as healthier.
But it had the nuts on it.
It had the nuts on it.
I thought it was just peanut, but I would eat that shit with a spoon.
I would literally spoon it.
You want it?
Can I be honest with you?
I would eat it with my fingers, bro.
I would go like that.
I'd scoop it out with my fingers.
That's pre-Corona.
Did you ever think like McDonald's was healthy?
No.
They never marketed it as such.
Yeah.
But Nutella is chocolate.
Nah, it's not marketed as such.
It's hazelnuts.
It's not.
It's hazelnuts.
If I got the chicken sandwich at McDonald's, I would go to chicken nuts.
That's a classic move, yo.
Nah, you never.
Yo, you're lying to yourself if you didn't choose chicken sandwich to be a little healthy.
You're lying to yourself.
That is a fact because chicken, what could be bad than that?
It's just chicken and the bread.
And yo, have you ever done this move?
You have something unhealthy, like a burger or a chicken sandwich, and then you go, let me get a lettuce, tomato on it.
And then you think it automatically makes healthy.
Absolutely.
It don't make it healthier.
Nah, I don't.
Dude, but in my mind, it's like, it's sad.
It's salad.
That was nutrition.
It's salad.
I turned it into salad sandwich.
I turned it to salad and the bread is crouton.
I just added vitamins on that shit.
Nutella Truths and Chicken Nuts00:08:44
This kid grew up with Google, so he always looked at it.
Yeah, you knew what it was.
You made small milkshakes, bro.
There was a time where old people were valuable to us.
Like, that's why old people just want to die from Corona now because of y'all.
Y'all never ask them any shit.
No, I asked.
You never bought something like from McDonald's and then you wanted to get water to make you feel more healthy?
Oh, no, I do.
What?
Come on, Taylor.
What?
Taylor, what the fuck did you just say?
You think water makes it more healthy?
I told you.
I do that.
I understand.
As opposed to soda.
Or juice.
Yes, as opposed to soda.
I thought you thought, like, we were talking about what you did to the actual burger to make it healthier.
She extrapolated it.
I think I'm with you on this.
I just want to make this point clear.
No, because that's because I know that McDonald's is unhealthy, so I get the water.
This is a very important point that we got to make.
And I didn't realize why old people want to die so bad from that point.
It's because your generation doesn't make them feel valuable.
Our generation didn't have any information.
We weren't going to encyclopedia Britannica that shit.
We were put up with all the racism because they're the only ones who knew things.
They knew things.
They knew that we go ask them questions.
What was the war like?
They would tell you.
It would be racist, but it'd be very entertaining.
No, but could their stories compared to that?
You ask your Asian friend to just step outside so you can figure out the history real quick.
Hey, we're studying for a World War II test.
Can you tell us what happened?
Your grandpa come lumbering in real quick.
One foot missing because of that Asian dude's grandpa took that shit off as a fucking souvenir.
It's not a rabbit foot.
Why they like feet so much?
That's a great point.
What is it about the feet, Asians?
Binding them, rabbiting them, painting the toenails.
Why do you guys like feet so much?
What's happening, Asians?
What do you know that I know too?
Ninjas are always wearing sandals and shit.
Oh my God.
Easy access to the feet.
Yeah.
It's an open toe culture.
It's an open toe culture.
They always be analyzing feet all day.
They can't help it.
And you know what?
I'm kind of with them.
I like it.
I like a foot too.
I like the good feet out there.
The bad ones can stay locked up.
Put yourself in that motherfucking side.
Have you ever seen a bound foot?
Nah.
You never seen a bound foot?
I don't stop saying it like that.
Yo.
Let me tell you something.
A nice bound foot.
That shit wrapped.
How's that look?
It's wrapped up like Creed's hands or what?
Honestly, it's not.
It goes like this.
Say, that's your foot.
These toes come under.
Ooh.
Yeah.
Yeah, they miss Yelly at that.
Makes a nice little lollipop.
Turn that foot into a lollipop.
Nom.
Nom.
Nom, okay?
That's a little dumpling.
Get up that little, get up that soup dumpling right there.
You got a nice little foot?
I ain't trying to see no foot.
Look at that.
Oh, don't act.
That's a nice, that's a Kit Kat.
Break you off one.
Break you off one, bro.
Look how delicious them little feet are.
What, Taylor?
Don't judge other cultures.
That should look like cauliflower.
Yes.
I can't do it, yo.
Nah, that's beautiful.
You're the one talking about you don't like seconds no longer.
Guarantee.
They really don't like seconds no longer.
Look at that girl's feet.
But why?
Why?
Because they're trying to grab onto a vine.
A vine.
Yes.
Trying to grab onto a vine.
Yo, they've been going through the jungle, bro.
It's crazy out there.
They're nice at jungles.
Why do you think we lost Vietnam?
That's a great point.
We don't know about jungles.
Yeah.
We don't know nothing about jungles, Akash.
What are we supposed to know about jungles?
How are we going to win a war in the fucking jungle that we don't know anything about jungles?
We're prairie people.
We're prairie people.
We're plains people.
We're city people.
We're out here in the fucking jungle.
How are we going to win a war?
Yeah.
Name a jungle in America.
Name one.
It doesn't exist.
Hey, that's disrespectful.
They say y'all the jungle.
There's a high concentration of Vietnamese out here.
That don't mean it's a fucking jungle, Taylor.
Goodness gracious.
You have one bowl of...
What is it called?
Pho.
What?
You don't know what pho is?
No.
Pho?
You ever heard?
You ever heard Donald Trump?
Tell us about one of you ordered it.
How would he order at a Vietnamese restaurant?
I'll just have one bowl of...
You look.
So that's what happened when Donald Trump is banging out little Thai boys like, what would you like to do, Donald?
I want to Donald Donald, I'm doing my Rudy Giuliani accent Donald Donald, what would you like to do Donald?
Is that a good accent?
Good Vietnamese?
You didn't think that was a good Vietnamese accent.
I don't know what Vietnamese sounds like.
Well then, how the fuck could you judge the accent if you don't know what it sounds like?
Yeah Taylor Taylor Taylor Taylor, did you work on radio the thing, Taylor?
Why do you sound like a robot?
Come on Taylor Taylor, that's the robotic people.
Yo y'all know what they were talking about.
Oh oh, you guys think they gonna win this war?
This is the dongle babies dude.
If anybody else is thinking about guns and roasts, welcome through the jungle.
We got fun game like love on the spectrum.
We got everything mo, and we know the things.
We are fading texture.
Girl hey boy, hey.
If you got the money honey, we got the disease.
Call it yellow fever.
You sound like Miss Swine from MAD Tv.
No, what's the disease, was it?
No, what was that?
Fucked up when we did chemical warfare out there?
Was it yellow?
What typhoid?
No, yellow fever.
No, it's called yellow mustard gas or something.
Mustard gas, mustard gas yeah, we did some up to the Vietnamese, bro.
Yeah, I can see that you know what I mean.
So this is why i'm talking to your grandparents, trying to protect myself.
This is why talking to your grandparents about history sucks y'all.
Don't talk to your grandparents anymore about anything okay, because I could lose.
That's why they're tongue kissing in retirement homes.
That's why there's mad herpes in retirement homes, because you don't utilize them better to do.
You got nothing better to do, just sucking wrinkles off each other.
Dude, they send you 25 once a year.
What the fuck else they gonna do with your 364 days?
Probably just pound puss.
Oh, that's actually a thing, though.
Yeah no, he knows.
You know the villagers.
We know it's a fact bro, we know you know facts.
Yeah okay yeah, but you can talk to you.
We got to talk to more old people.
Have you spoken to your grandparents?
Yeah, I don't want to risk it.
I don't want to risk it.
I call her mum, mom.
You call her mum, mum.
Yeah, you know what that means in Vietnamese.
Do you know what it means in Vietnamese?
No, what the what does it mean?
I can't believe you don't know what that means.
That's a really bad word.
Yeah yeah don't, I wouldn't say that to your grandmother.
Don't do it.
Mum mum, not good dude.
Yeah like, don't, don't get your nails done and say that out.
Yeah, do not say that.
Don't be like you want to get mum mum, you can't.
I don't even feel comfortable saying yeah, we might have to believe that there's one word to protect her.
We might have to mark the time.
Yeah, mark that time please please please please, mark the time, because it gets a little intense.
What the hell?
What does it mean?
It's not good, it's not good to me, or something I don't know.
I think I can't even text.
I don't know how to write.
You call your grandmother that, that's so.
You call your grandma mum mum okay, oh my god dude, I don't.
I think we should just move on from the whole.
Move on, that's yo.
If it's cards in general, I just don't with and that's just too much absolutely.
We didn't want you to bring this racist ass element into the podcast, but too bad, you've already done it okay yeah wow, what do you call your?
What do you call your granddaddy?
Is that what you call?
I know I shouldn't have said it.
Oh my god, we're all thinking they don't.
Just what do you call your granddad?
Pop pop pop pop, Yeah, that's a little crazy.
I mean, that's not anything in Vietnamese, but it is a little crazy.
The sound of the guns, probably.
Yeah.
Yeah.
In the jungle.
I didn't want to say it, dude.
I didn't want to say it.
He passed away.
He did?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
From how long ago?
A couple years ago.
Two?
A couple.
No, no, not two, but longer than that.
Longer than that?
Okay.
So more than two.
Six years.
That's way more than a couple.
Like if you said to your boyfriend, like, yo, we're a couple.
And then you told him, but I also have four other boyfriends.
He probably like, yo, Joe, Joe, that's not a couple.
That's not the couple that I want.
You know what I mean?
Gun Sounds in the Jungle00:13:20
I can have a competition with you.
I never met any of my grandparents.
Now who feels bad for who?
Now who feels worth?
Now who made the podcast more sad?
Yeah.
Andrew's my mom.
Actually, I met my granddad once, but I was so young I don't remember it.
But apparently he liked my mom so much that he told my dad that he would have smashed it out if he was his.
Okay, guys.
What?
Yo, that's white family right there.
That's some white ass shit right there.
He's like, that's respectful.
Yo, low-key, I think it's kind of like a yo, you did a good job, but your grandpa told you.
He said, he said, if I was 20 years younger, you wouldn't have a chance with this woman.
Like told his son that.
My dad.
Oh, no, that's charming.
That's like saying to the girl, you're pretty, but in like a not over-the-line creepy way.
Yeah, it's not over-the-line creepy.
You wouldn't have had a chance doesn't mean I'll smash her out.
It does.
Yeah, it does.
Exactly.
No, I agree.
Wait, what did he exactly say?
He said, if I was 20 years younger, you wouldn't have a chance with that woman.
In other words, he was going to be the one dicking down my mom.
Yeah, that's kind of sounding that actually.
Yeah.
That's taken to the extreme.
Oh, gosh, how would you feel if some guy was like, oh man, if your girl was here, like, you wouldn't have a chance?
What would you think about that?
I don't really know how the fuck I'm holding on.
To be honest right now.
Stop that shit.
We're not simping, bro.
We're not simping, bro.
You know, I left her luggage in Newark airport?
I was so happy when I heard that.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I'm tired of you guys drinking and feeling like shit the next day.
Okay?
You don't have to do this.
This is a choice.
This is a choice nowadays.
Okay.
We have a miracle vitamin that's going to clear all that up for you.
DHM.
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You pop a couple of these pills when you're having your first couple drinks.
You pop a couple at the end of the night as well.
And you wake up the next day feeling way better.
I could go into the science a little bit.
I'm no scientist.
Okay.
To be honest, you already know.
I'm reading the copy there telling me.
I just know from experience, it's what I do when I go out and I drink and I feel so much better the next day.
Simple as that.
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Do you want to drink?
Do you want to not feel like shit?
Yes.
Then go.
Let's get back to the show.
Perfect place to drink is at my comedy shows.
I am going to be at Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis, Minnesota this Wednesday, the day after this podcast drops through the week, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
I'm also going to be at Atlantic City Comedy Club.
Shouts to Emilio, owner of New York Comedy Club we talked about last week.
I'm going to be there Thursday, November 12th.
Both of these dates can be found on my website, akashsing.com, a-k-a-a-s-h-s-i-n-g-h.com.
Now let's get back to the show.
You know, I left her luggage in Newark Airport?
I was so happy when I heard that.
How do you leave her luggage?
I cannot, I cannot tell you how hot that was.
Okay, you I saw on the Instagram story, there's a picture of just you, and you're doing like a, how would we describe the smile?
Like a smirk, maybe?
Like a gym to the camera from the office?
Yeah, it was maybe a little something like that, but I knew there was something behind it.
Yeah, it was not to be smiled about.
It was dark.
So I read the caption, and then in the caption, it said, I left my fiancé's luggage at the airport.
We're going to O'Hare.
I'm at EWR.
She had the dog.
I had her carry-on.
Somewhere along the lines, I just dropped that shit.
Maybe it was when I went to buy a kombucha.
Anyway, we got to Chicago.
She's like, where's the bag?
I'm like, that's a good question.
What we gonna do?
So, what's the punishment now?
Ain't no punishment.
Nah, what's the punishment?
Did she get mad?
He's behind the phantom.
He's got to get her.
Yeah.
That accord is actually there.
How did you get her back on your good side?
Hey, whatever clothes you need, we got that.
Just go get them.
Couple days closed, though.
Oh, she lost her own bag, son.
She did that shit herself, probably, bro.
You got to set up.
You got to set up.
I'll be honest.
That shit was all me.
No, she kicked that shit away.
She knew you were going to forget.
Because you were too busy staring at her.
Because you think she's so beautiful, you never want to take your eyes off her.
That's a good ass point.
You know what I mean?
Who cares about that stupid ass luggage?
It's not as beautiful as she is.
You're just staring at your girlfriend that you love so much.
Meanwhile, she was taking her bag, launching it out the fucking window so she can go to goddamn products.
That's it.
And think about that.
A brown person leaving their bag in the fucking airport.
You know how terrifying that probably was for everybody else?
The thought has crossed my mind.
If you see unattended luggage, they say that shit every 50 seconds.
If you see unattended luggage, this guy's just leaving his luggage at kombucha.
That sounds like how y'all say explosions.
You just left her luggage.
You got your luggage.
Listen, this is a big problem.
Yo, I'm not going to Newark no more.
Yo, where's TSA?
No.
You just got bearded Browns leaving their luggage all over the goddamn airport getting weird tea beverages.
Yep.
That's the problem.
I would really cuss you the fuck out.
What do you mean?
We're talking about the safety of American lives here.
They're just leaving luggage all over.
This is terrifying, bro.
You all found that luggage.
Oh, my God.
We did have to pick it up.
Well, my brother-in-law picked it up.
I had my black brother-in-law go because I was like, this is good.
Do not.
Yeah, if it was a brown one, I'm going to go full hurt locker on that shit, bro.
Jump on top of the case, bro.
That shit was straight in TSA, though.
Checked in, probably sniffed around.
100%.
I hope they did.
We are.
We're in safe hands, America.
Yeah.
We're in safe hands.
Okay.
Where'd you leave it at?
You don't know?
I don't know.
Everybody keeps asking me.
You got to be asking the craziest questions.
Did you retrace your steps?
Everybody keeps asking me.
Like, I don't know what's wrong with you.
Here's the thing.
Here's the thing.
But why didn't you check before you got on the plane?
It is.
But why didn't you look at your hand and then walk with the bag, though?
That's so.
I will say this, though.
Yo, whenever I've forgotten a bag, I think we did it when we were in LA once or some shit.
Whenever we were in LA, stupid.
You know what's going to happen?
Let me tell you this.
Whenever you forget a bag, did you go think back to when you were walking around without your bag?
And how happy you are.
And then how happy and easy it is?
Like, you just strolling with your kombucha, taking a sip like Donald Trump at a security clearance meeting.
And then we want a kombucha?
We got the biggest kombucha.
You got extra hands for shit that you didn't even realize, right?
You look at your phone.
Like, you could just do everything so easy.
I was thinking, I was like, yo, this shit mad light.
Yeah.
And I think I thought she put the fucking suitcase in the overhead.
Ain't no way she putting the suitcase in the overhead.
I'm like, yo, my girl did that shit for me, huh?
Good for her.
She's struggling carrying stuff.
You're like, you need help.
I got to carry it.
When did she realize?
When did she realize?
She didn't realize until we got off the plane.
We're walking.
She's like, oh, shit, my bag.
And then we go back to get it.
And then they asked the pilot to go to our seat.
And then I'm in my mind like, oh, my God.
Yeah, at what point?
That's when I was like, did I not bring the motherfucking bag?
And then what do you start doing?
Then what do you start with this?
It's my time.
I hope I'm wrong.
Okay.
Hey, who knows?
Maybe they checked it in.
When they're like, we didn't see a plane on there.
I'm like, hey, maybe it's at checkout.
So now here's the question.
You know, 100% it's not going to be a checkout.
I'm praying, but somebody is like, because I thought maybe I left it by the gate and they're like, let's put somebody's bag.
Throw that shit in there.
But really?
That's the whole point of the business.
That's how desperate you were.
That's how desperate you were.
Someone's going to find your bag.
I have never had a longer walk in my life.
Yeah, yeah.
Then from that gate to the fucking end.
What type of energy are you getting from her?
What type of energy are you getting from her?
There's no energy.
She's so far ahead of me.
She's so upset with me.
She knew it wasn't going to be there either.
You know, she knew I wasn't going to be there.
And then when it wasn't there, what was the first conversation that happened?
Oh, bro.
What'd she say?
After the tears?
Oh, she started crying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is she still holding all her stuff that she was supposed to carry that she didn't forget?
Nah, I had that.
That's how you know you didn't have it because you're like, I don't need any hands.
There's no bag there.
There's nothing there for me to carry.
Okay, so when is that?
She starts crying.
That's fucked up.
That's super sad.
Yeah, super sad.
That's not as funny.
It'd be really funny if she just ripped it off.
Yeah, it was like sentimental shit.
And then she written me a new one.
Okay, well, then I overheard her talking to her sister.
Hold on, what's up?
I overheard her talking to her sister in tears.
And she's just like, why would you not bring a fucking bag that you came with?
Like, her sister trying to tell her like it's going to be okay.
Don't get too mad at him.
I think her sister's like, hey, don't be too hard on him.
She's like, how do you not be hard on somebody who leaves a fucking bag?
How do you not know he's got the bag?
And she's yelling.
I'm in the seat next to her.
And I'm just like, better her than me.
Now, did you, did you, did you guys smash it out?
Did you, when you were in Chicago, did you go for it?
Did you that night?
No.
That night?
Yeah.
No.
I'll be honest, I don't think we've ever slept further apart than we did that night.
Did you sleep good, though?
Nah, bro.
A little bit good.
Because I know what's coming in the morning.
Yeah.
I'm just like, oh, fuck, here we go.
I literally, I never pray.
I'm a religious guy, but I'm like, hey, God, got to take care of what God takes care of.
When I tell you, I prayed that night, I said, God, please find this motherfucking bag.
Otherwise, I'm going to have to do this for the rest of my life.
Every God possible.
So I threw some shit up to Ullah just in case.
Hey, send me to hell, but don't put me here now.
I mean, I don't need to be here now.
Wait till I die.
Okay, when they find the bag, she's cool.
Everything's great.
She's like, I just thought I lost it and there was some shit that she cared about in the bag.
She knows I'll be losing shit.
Yeah.
But she thought it got stolen.
And then she's like, this is the fucking worst.
That was hell.
Then once she found the bag, great vacation.
All right, I'll buy you some new shit.
Well, let's go.
Nordstrom.
Rack.
Nordstrom.
Rack!
Rack!
Yeah.
Rack it up, girl.
Let's go to the discount section of the Nordstrom rack and kill it.
Bro, I did not notice the difference between Nordstrom rack.
I know every motherfucking discount retailer.
Seen aside.
Do you remember when you told me to go get pants from Nordstrom one time?
This is back in the day?
When I very first came through, you were like, yeah, I need to go pick up pants from Nordstrom.
I went to Nordstrom Rack, and it was like, goddamn Black Friday.
Like a hurricane just went through.
There's fucking shoes on the fucking fan flying around.
So that shit ain't nothing but Ross.
I need shoes or whatever.
I need pants or whatever.
And then they're like, no, you got to go up the block.
And I walked into Nordstrom.
Yeah.
This place is like heaven.
Yeah, it's a little bougie.
It was beautiful.
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Especially after you go to rack.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, rack is a little different.
You feel like Iraq, bro.
It's like, what happened here?
Hey, bro.
You get you a personal shopper at Nordstrom?
That's all right.
Yeah.
Just got motherfuckers that just help you shop.
And then they hooked it up.
And then you were good?
Yeah, then we were good.
Once the bag wasn't lost, we were good.
But I'm telling you before that, I was searching on Google.
This is how I knew I fucked up.
I'm searching on Google.
I left my luggage at the gate.
Google didn't even have anybody who related to me.
Who knows?
There was no Google results.
Just gave you the suicide prevention hotline.
It was like, call this number if you're having tough thoughts.
That's when I was like, I really done did some shit.
Now I lose everything, but it's normally my shit.
And I don't panic because I lose so much shit.
I'm used to it.
She don't lose nothing.
That's why we're together.
She normally keeps an eye on it.
And she was just like, you went back to buy some shit.
Who the fuck would think you would forget the goddamn suitcase on your way back?
And I was like, well, what you going to do?
Are you married to me now?
Wait, did she go back to get it?
No.
They had someone else.
Her brother gave it up.
Shout out to Drew.
Weren't you across the street from that Chicago man by this guy hanging?
There's a Chicago man that was in custody after dangling off Trump Tower, demanding to speak with the post.
Donald Trump.
So I'm at the hotel.
Did you ask him if he had your back?
No, I thought it was going to be me if I didn't find that.
I'm like, yo, this guy's got a great idea.
Brilliant.
My girl would throw me out there by my neck.
That's what I thought was going to happen.
Dangling.
But nobody cared was the crazy thing.
I'm in Chicago right across the street.
Shouts to Kirk, the hotel employees.
He's an asshole.
So he was like a fan.
He was like, yo, this wild across the street.
Go check this out.
People are just walking by.
Nobody gives a fuck.
I see 60 cop cars everywhere else in the world.
You see 60 cop cars.
People are like, yo, what's going on?
I think so much shit happens at Trump Tower.
People are like, ass, another motherfucker trying to kill me.
So much shit happens in Chicago, man.
It's fucking 40 deaths a weekend or whatever in Chicago.
Yeah, it looks like Nordstrom racking there, dude.
Yeah.
Outside?
Hey.
This Trump Tower, though.
I don't know.
I don't even know.
Nothing surprises me anymore.
The guy just sat there for hours.
Nobody cared.
Oh, he was on like a harness?
Yeah.
Oh, get out of here with that shit.
I don't want to see any of that.
So that's why nobody cared.
It's like this mad, uneventful.
I went out there thinking it's some big shit.
Took a little video.
15 seconds in, I was like, ah, nobody gives a fuck.
Yeah, he's not going to fall.
He ain't talk to nobody.
Do you want to see them fall, though?
It's a little uncomfortable.
I wouldn't mind seeing that guy fall.
Oh, my God.
You didn't hear anybody go like, jump, jump.
Like, nobody was.
That's not New York, man.
New York would be like, man, stop wasting my fucking time.
Do it, pussy.
He really hoped to.
Do it, though.
New York ain't playing it.
Chicago's just like, ah, that's a guy.
Trump, let's go.
I did see mad black people the night before partying at Trump Towers.
And I was like, Tess, yo, y'all wilding right now.
Partying in what way?
Just like, you know, coming out of Trump Tower like it's a club.
You know, you see people hanging out outside.
Yeah.
Trump Tower's fancy.
Mad black people.
And I was like, huh.
What do you think?
That's Ice Cube and his people?
Oh, must have been, yo.
Must have been.
They platinum planning.
What you got for us?
What you got for us, Al?
So this Married Father of Three, he wears skirts and heels to work because he feels that clothes shouldn't have a gender.
Here we go.
Can I be honest with you?
Transvest Styles and Star Wars00:02:32
So this is like different because it doesn't fall under cross dresser.
No, he's a transvest style.
It's called.
He's a cross-dresser.
Oh, it is.
He said he doesn't think that they should have.
Oh, no.
So he's like removing gender from clothes.
Yo, I want to talk shit about this, but at Burning Man, I dress way crazier than that.
So it's like, I really could say absolutely.
Yeah, but that's Burning Man, yo.
It's like one thing.
You burning your manhood.
That's nothing else.
That's really what I do.
I just purge.
Set that shit on fire.
I get all my system for one week a year.
It's like the purge.
It's like the purge, but with dicks in his mouth.
I never kissed no dicks, man.
It's no gay shit out.
You did get your feet rubbed by a man.
I did.
You got your feet rubbed by a man.
And he asked to speak.
So he was wearing tights.
He was wearing tights.
He was wearing tights.
That's true.
At least the foot rub feels good.
Them tights are probably uncomfortable.
Yeah.
Walking around with a boa and shit.
You feel great, bro.
Yeah, nah, we do dress like ladies, bro.
But it's fire.
But it is fire.
Okay.
What else we got, man?
So this was a story a couple weeks ago.
What's his face?
Mel Gibson is making Passion of the Christ 2.
How?
The littlest part.
Yeah, but how?
He comes back.
So it's going to be just a fictional story.
Walking on the water.
Wait, that's his foot.
Wait, that was before.
That was all before.
Okay.
Maybe it's a prequel.
Maybe it's a prequel.
But it can't be two if it's a prequel.
Well, he's doing it like Star Wars, maybe.
It's like all out of order and shit.
Yeah, maybe it's Passion of the Christ won, but it's getting released second.
Yeah.
It's a prequel.
Hold on one second.
Covenant, the Passion of the Christ Resurrection.
No, he comes back.
I mean, what did he do after coming back?
He just came back, he said what up, and then he dipped.
No, he went to hell for a minute and had to atone for some sins.
And he came back up and like kicked it with the boys for a little.
Why'd he have to atone for sins?
That's Jesus.
Yeah, that's the whole point, bro.
He did everybody.
But God so loved the world.
He was like, yeah, go do that shit for them.
Oh, he, no, he picks them.
I didn't know he went to hell.
Yeah.
And then he came back up and he had to go kick it with Thomas, doubting Thomas, who was like, yo, you didn't really, you're not really Jesus.
And he had to put his hands through the holes.
What do you mean?
Oh, because he didn't believe it.
Yeah, it was doubting Thomas.
He's like, you're not really Jesus.
That sounds kind of fire, to be honest.
He came back.
He did all that shit, probably saved some people, and then he went up to heaven.
Nah, that sounds kind of fire to be honest.
So it could be a cool scene.
Yeah, this is way better than the first part where he just got his ass busted for mad long and just straight disrespected like he wasn't son of God.
Yeah.
Yo, why would they even make the first one?
Doubting Thomas and Family Drama00:10:10
Some, but his dad sent him to hell.
Yo, dads be rough.
You know what I mean?
Roy Jones Jr.'s dad was tough on him.
Roy Jones was damn near Jesus in the ring, bro.
That's proof that Jesus was black.
Keep going.
Because white dads, y'all don't punish each other.
Oh, that's true.
That's true, yo.
Hold on.
White dads punish.
No, they don't.
Timeout.
Yeah.
It depends.
There's some tough ass.
They definitely are.
Yeah, you're talking about like hipster-like or like hippie soft, like new, like New York liberal dads.
But then like down south football coach dads, you think that they're easy on their kids?
Yeah, exactly.
Come on, bro.
I don't know.
Them country whites.
How was your dad?
My dad was soft as fuck.
He was mad.
He's New York liberal, bro.
He's soft.
Super soft on us.
I think I was scared once of my dad.
Really?
One time.
That was the only time.
What happened?
What'd you do?
I don't remember, really.
He was just walking to my room loud.
That's the scary shit.
I knew I did something fucked up.
And he was 5-4-fumming on the way, dog.
And it was not going to be good.
When he got there, what'd he do?
I don't know.
I think I called.
I don't, I never called him on his bluff, but I never, what was he going to do?
It's not he was going to beat me up.
And this was back in the day when you could call the police on your parents.
There was like a hotline.
Yeah, that was a hot line.
That's crazy.
For a minute, there was like a rumor going around that like kids had done it.
Like everybody had a friend who had a friend that was like working for the CDC.
But back in the day, it was like calling up your parents beat you up hotline.
And I knew the number and I was ready.
You would know the numbers.
I was.
I had that shit down like it was a contra code.
Up, down, up, down, left, right, A, B, A, B, A, B, Select, Start.
It was going.
I was putting them all in jail.
I was putting them all in jail.
Yo, my dad beats my ass.
You're going to fucking prison.
And he didn't even get punished that you had the number on cue.
That's why he's in the city.
He came through and I was like, what?
Preemption.
Do some shit.
Dude, I'll use the fucking nighttime minutes.
Do some shit.
You won't?
You won't?
But then you realize you really got no leverage.
And he didn't beat my ass.
Never.
I never really got my ass beat.
Maybe because you checked him because you knew the fucking contra codes.
I think I might have, bro.
Your mom didn't?
My mom might have tried to beat my ass.
She was a little more rough on me.
She beat my ass emotionally.
She beat my ass emotionally by just not loving me for the first 20 years of my life.
Mind tricks.
Mind tricks.
That's effective.
Yeah.
That's effective.
Wait, wait, I went.
My mom's just like a cold-ass Scottish woman.
Wait, what does that mean?
Like, she's loving and shit, but she's also cold as fuck.
But how does she trick you?
Like, I need to know the.
No, no, you don't need to learn.
Then you're going to make a comedian.
No, my mom was very sweet, but we also drove her crazy.
Like any kid, though?
Yeah.
Nah, come on.
You're a wild ass boy.
I had my Andrew.
We're not talking about kids.
We're talking about Andrew.
He was snitching on his parents at six years old, fucking calling him.
I would snitch on my parents.
But my mom was also sweet as fuck.
Like, she would like hide out on babysitters to make sure they were babysitting, right?
Why not fuck you act like that?
I never told y'all this.
Wait, she was.
I never told you this.
She was spy on me.
Oh, I think you've met one story.
That was dope.
But like, my mom, like, she would hire a babysitter, and this is when I was mad young.
Then she would hide out in the bushes in the park and just wait and see if the babysitter was doing fuck shit with me.
I mean, that's because they didn't have videos or cameras back then.
Exactly.
And then she found a babysitter who was doing fuck shit with me.
The babysitter would just leave me in the swing for an hour.
Didn't push me nothing.
And you know what's fucked up about this?
It wasn't even cell phones back then.
She was just sitting there doing nothing too.
I was like, yo, you could have had something fun to do.
Push me, bitch.
You're asking me to fuck.
Not playing Angry Birds or nothing.
Right?
There's literally, I get you on a phone.
If you're like this and not pay attention, fine.
But you were sitting there bored as fuck as me.
I cannot see that.
We both bored look at each other like, yo, you want to play or no?
We're going to play?
I'm not a pump yet.
I need a pump.
I pumped the swing.
Oh, we need you.
I did not see that flip.
You're not fucked up.
Your mom just let you sit there the whole hour.
That's all so fucked up.
My mom told me the story, yo.
She's like, she goes, she goes, she goes, I know you watched her for an hour.
You're just sitting there.
You're almost playing the whole time.
And I was like, yo, that's fucked up.
But why the fuck did you not step in, yo?
It's just your mom, you, and some random chick stared at each other.
All three of us bored out of our goddamn minds, waste a whole hour.
Your lives never didn't have a phone either.
She wasn't playing doodle joke.
Oh, no.
Tap her on the shoulder after half.
What?
You thought someone's going to change you thought 45 minutes kicking and she's not pushing me.
That's hilarious.
It's unbelievable, bro.
It's unbelievable.
My dad's probably hiding out somewhere else.
Like, I wonder if she got a good babysitter for her boy.
Your grandpa's watching your dad.
A whole line of distrust.
No, my grandpa watching my mom.
Like, damn, look at her behind her.
I like to get behind her bush.
That's for sure.
Your dad's probably watching your grandpa.
Like, let me keep an eye on this fucking creep.
Make sure you're not trying anything on my wife.
Wow.
That was a real standoff, bro.
You had a Scottish standoff.
Bro, so yeah, love your kids.
There's a bunch of people standing around not loving each other.
You go first.
No, you do it.
You do it.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, yeah.
My loving Scottish family.
We love.
It's just different.
We broke that.
We play black families.
Is that like, no, but Brad, I feel like black families have so much love in the culture.
Like, it's warm.
At the same time, you know, we get on people's nerves and everything else.
Like, you get whooped as shit.
Yeah.
My dad's side is super loving.
And I'm glad that that's kind of like what we pass down.
There are tons of things I got from my mom's side.
Like, just like wittiness and busting balls.
That's all from.
Yeah, Scots are nice at that.
They are.
Yo, the women are crazier than the dudes.
I mean, 100%.
The men in the family were like tough, like union working, you know, working class dudes.
They're not keeping up with these girls, bro.
And that you just knew.
Aunt Annie, nobody could keep up.
Aunt Edith, nobody could keep up.
Aunt Annie was this big, like brooding, you know, R.I.P., but she kind of looked like Groot a little bit.
Oh, my God.
R.I.P., you know what I'm saying?
But like, but she, but she would walk in a room and then just slice everybody up, bro.
She would come every summer and just slice every you walk in a room.
She finds something.
And I was like, that's where I learned it.
I really do.
I was like, I had to survive.
I was survival mode, bro.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Because we had to have a black dad.
That's why black people can do that.
That's why black dozens do the dozens, right?
It's like, you need to have somebody that you bust balls with if you're going to learn it.
You would tell people that never like had that type of relationship.
They just don't know how to do it.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I'm trying to think of like certain people that like don't like they get upset when you make fun of them.
Yeah, they kind of show up or get defensive or something.
Yeah, or they can't just laugh at themselves.
Yeah.
Like I'm trying to find who I don't know.
Woke white women.
Yeah.
And also like it can come from like a babying.
Sometimes a lot of times it happens with women is there's like an overprotection.
I understand that too.
Like you have this daughter that you love so much, right?
You don't want anything bad to happen to her ever, right?
She's your little baby or whatever it is.
But in the way you kind of protect her and then stop her from developing these skills, which is the ability to protect herself, you're not always going to be there protecting your daughter.
You know, and some of the things you got to get her feelings hurt a little bit.
If you hate seeing her get her feelings hurt, her crying, they'll probably fucking crush you.
Yeah.
But it's important for her to do that.
And almost better, she gets her feelings hurt at home from the people she loves the most.
Yeah.
Because nobody's going to be able to fuck with her the way that you can.
I feel like that's a spoiled brat, though.
It is.
Because I had older siblings.
They have older brothers.
I have older brothers and sisters.
I think the most important thing, at least for me, like dating, but like the most important thing that a girl can have is an older brother.
Yeah.
Because it's because she has one dude and his friends, she has men that she has to, if she wants to hang out with them, win over without using sex.
It's very easy when you're an attractive girl, right?
To like win over and like get guys to pay attention.
You know what I mean?
Like if you want a guy to pay attention to you, you can say the dumbest story in the world and they're just going to sit there and they go, oh, that's fascinating.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But your brother's friends, it's not like that.
Be funny or we're making fun of you.
Yeah, pretty much.
Right?
So then you learn, oh shit, I got to be funny.
I got to be more economical with these stories.
But I have like cousins, like boy cousins, all that other stuff.
You're close family.
That's like Akash.
Like Akaj.
You always tell me all of your cousins are like extended.
It's brothers, sisters.
Yeah.
We didn't even know what cousins were growing up.
That's just brothers, sisters.
Yeah.
And it'd be like third cousins.
And I'm like, that's my brother.
And then Americans are like, what the fuck are you talking about?
How you guys related?
And I'd be like, I'll be honest, I don't know.
But no, that's my brother.
That's what.
But then you've got this big ass family.
Everybody just shits on each other.
And that's how you get tough, I think.
Yeah.
So it's completely reasonable.
It's completely okay.
It's like I think white people are very specific.
And it's not even trying to be racist.
You're just very specific about how you're related to each other.
No, no, I mean like in terms of how you rip on each other.
Oh, you go.
Because it's so funny because when I hear about like the stand-up scene, which is blowing up in India, whenever I hear about it from like India comics, they say that there's like a political correctness.
There's a political correctness, but you can shit on each other as individuals mercilessly.
Okay.
Which is weird.
It's like identity shit.
Like, don't shit on my political culture or I guess my religion.
Probably because there's so much conflict built into the history religious, religion-wise.
Yeah.
But if you want to make fun of a fat person or whatever, I don't really see like triggered shit like that.
Maybe like the Uber liberals in like Mumbai, which is like their New York.
You know what I mean?
But like the average person, you're making fun of how they look.
They don't give a fuck.
Okay, good.
Yeah, because that was the thing that was always confusing me.
You always say how like ruthless your uncle was to you and shit.
Vicious.
But and then when I hear that these people out there saying like, yeah, the comedy is really PC of it.
What do you mean?
I thought culturally, you guys just go at it.
Culturally, we go at it, but weirdly.
And I think, again, it's just a lot of conflict built into the region, like religion-wise.
So there's high stakes with everything that's said because you're like on the verge of what if you're talking about politics, yeah.
And that's where we get sensitive.
But if you want to make fun of a fat person, I've never seen that become a thing.
You know what I mean?
Al, what you got up here?
I know.
Akash added this story.
What's good?
Cultural Conflict and PC Comedy00:15:00
So some Indian teenager possibly creates the treatment for COVID-19.
Yeah.
Probably no matter what.
Come on, bro.
She's from, she's from the same suburb where I graduated high school.
She obviously do much better than I did.
But she came up with something that could be a treatment for COVID.
Not like a vaccine, but it like bonds to the COVID-2, whatever, like protein.
And then it essentially deactivates it, I think.
And then it stops the negative symptoms of COVID.
Bullshit.
Yo, potentially.
$25,000 she won as a part of some.
All she got is $25,000 to save the whole world.
I'm saying, yo, she needs to get paid.
Yo, who paid her?
An Indian.
If that isn't the most Indian payment for saving the world, bro.
The best I can do is probably $25,000.
What?
I don't just lucky.
I don't just pick that shit.
Hey, she better get it.
Who gave her that money?
An Indian.
It had to be an Indian.
100%.
She haggled with her or some shit.
Oh, we haggled for sure.
She probably didn't feel like she earned it if she didn't get haggled with.
She probably don't even want it like this, man.
You just give me the money.
Come on now.
Yo, you got to start at 20, and I worked my way up to 25, and now I feel like I really did something.
But how crazy that if she actually fixed this shit, not cured, but fixed.
Yeah.
Would you call that a fix?
Yeah.
Scroll down the article.
It says exactly what it does.
It was too small.
We don't need to read, bro.
I think you did a good enough job.
Yeah, none of us are scientists out here.
We don't trust what you say.
So, but if she actually fixed that shit, she deserved more than 25 grand, bro.
I was hoping they would take care of her somehow on a back end.
Like, make that shit to her to do.
Like, what?
Is she legal?
No, She's not legal?
No, she's in high school, bro.
What does that mean?
I'm talking about citizens.
You're not even talking about fucking, bro.
Can you just dry hump something else for a second?
Bend that chair over, you weirdo.
That's why I said no.
I'm not trying to disrespect them, bro.
You the one sexualizing them.
That's a scientist to me.
That's why I said, no, no, Yeah, we're trying to make her legal, dog.
Yeah.
Again, it still sounds weird.
You know what I mean?
None of our brains went there.
I got it.
Yeah, you just went there.
I'm objective about my women, yo.
Trying to make her legal.
Hey, she's from Frisco, Texas.
Let me tell you something.
She got all the citizenship.
She's rich.
Oh, that's a fair thing.
She probably didn't need no 25,000.
She probably like, we good.
I'm good.
Wait, she's 14 years old.
She figured this out.
Ain't she supposed to be spelling shit still?
What the fuck is Fauci doing having a 14-year-old dunk on him like this?
Yeah, where's Fauci?
She told with any shit at all.
This goddamn fucking spelling bee winner.
Akila and the B figured it out in two weeks.
What's going on, Fauci?
In between fucking cheerleading practice, she figured this shit out.
Stop doing Vanity Fair.
I guarantee you she ain't no cheerleading practice.
This is probably part of her academic decathlon homework.
Hey, figure out a cure real quick.
All right.
Annika, her name is Annika.
You've got to say the first part of that name because if you don't, that shit does not sound good, right?
Annika.
Not to Annika.
Yep.
Anna.
Take away the first A and then pronounce it.
What does it mean?
Oh my God.
It's all good, Al.
It's all good.
Al, I'm just not saying it.
That's how much respect I have.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second and fix your brains.
Your brains aren't optimized.
If you've noticed, everything we do in this show is about optimization.
We want you guys as optimized as possible.
And a few of you guys were listening to, I think it was last episode, maybe a couple episodes ago.
Last episode.
But we rooted, okay?
Your boys got rooted and booted.
We took that Neurorout and we were on fire.
I mean, killing it.
Fire from all cylinders.
Is that the term?
Firing on all cylinders.
Listen, if I took a neural root, I would know what that term is.
I would know what that term is.
I didn't take it today.
Okay.
I regret it because I don't know what that term is.
The point is, NeuroRoot is absolutely amazing.
All right.
It's got B6, it's got caffeine.
That's going to be the thing that's spicy.
You're not going to get the down, that like, what is it called?
That little downer that comes after coffee.
Crash.
Yeah, crash.
You're not going to get that.
That's that caffeine crash.
Even though it does have caffeine in the B6, I'm telling you, it's just a much better version of coffee.
Let's be honest, what it is.
And it's also pills.
So it's not going to stain up your teeth.
Look at these yellows.
I need to get them cleaned up already.
Neuroroot.
Not playing around.
You go to neuroroot.com, use the promo code flagrant, you're going to get 20% off.
Try it.
Guarantee.
Studying going to be way better.
You got class in Zoom.
You can't pay attention.
Neurorout that thing up and you're good to go.
N-E-U-R-O-R-O-O-T.com.
Did I spell it right?
Yes, you did.
Struggle without that Neuroroot, though.
No, dude, I really did.
Anyway, let's get back to the show.
Oh, and while we're getting back to the show, I want to announce something.
Apparently, we didn't take enough Neurorout this week because we didn't have enough time to go through all the submissions.
We didn't have enough time, man.
We saw some amazing ones that came in so far.
Sneeko had a fire one.
Son.
Films had a fire one.
We've seen a couple more pop in.
We haven't looked them over this week, but by next week, we'll be ready to go.
We'll know who that winner is.
And you guys are making it very difficult because you've been sending straight heat over here.
We're so grateful and we're so excited to get to work with it.
Maybe we'll get to it by the Patreon.
Maybe.
That's a great point.
Maybe we have it by Friday.
Maybe.
Patreon.com slash flagrant2.
That's where you can see it.
Thank y'all.
And now let's get back to the show.
Yo, so everybody's upset at Aisha Curry because she became white.
Yo, Aisha Curry really became white.
She got blonde hair.
Nah, bro.
She got some work done or something.
She looked good.
Something looks that also looks like a filter, though.
Yo, the filter shit is crazy.
Wait, is that filter?
It's gotta be, bro.
I mean, she's looking like a piece of word.
Bro, the filter shit is crazy.
I was literally just ahead.
I was looking at a filter this week of like this little Instagram model.
I was like, yo, she's so fun.
And I clicked on the filter.
I put that shit on my girl and she looked like the model.
Oh, no.
Like, literally the same exact thing.
And I was like, oh, no.
Way better.
Can we just get that for our glasses?
Oh, my God.
That's a good point.
If you get Google glasses and then you put the filter on your glasses, then you're going to start fucking a bunch of ugly bitches.
But it's the same as Shallow Howe.
If you think they're beautiful, that's all that matters.
How are you going to be a black man and say that, bro?
Precisely, you got to be taking down the little bit.
Yo, black dudes will take down these big ass white women, right?
Taylor.
You never seen black dudes take down these big old heifer.
Whereas Trump would say, Corona comes everywhere when you get it.
Yeah, it's Corona going everywhere.
We do that.
But the point is, you take down these big ass whites, them white buffaloes, you be taking them down, bro.
Not you, but you know.
A whiter buffalo.
But it's a now, they might think they're beautiful, but they're shallow how with it.
You see what I'm saying?
That is the, I think that's the best case scenario.
Imagine you found a girl beautiful.
You don't care if anybody else finds it.
You think she's the most beautiful girl in the world.
That's an ideal scenario.
And then also this chick that might not have ever got any love in the past.
She goes, oh my God.
Oh, she's going to appreciate it so much.
She's going to appreciate it so much.
Yeah.
It's like the new turn the lights on.
She's like, no, put the glasses back on.
Put the glasses on.
That's it.
Yeah, but then you pro-create with them and then you have a pre-surgery Kylie.
Do it for your kids, too.
And you look at your kids.
Create the world you want to live in.
Yeah, perception.
So just wear the glasses on your kid.
I have hot ass cases.
And then you go be like Akash and start looking at him a little off.
Akash would be looking at him a little off.
A little off.
You have to figure out a story real too.
Say what?
Throw a five-year filter on that bitch.
You just add five years.
Oh, you add.
Well, that's a good point for.
No, hold on.
That way she's 25.
25, exactly.
But that's a good point.
We saved it.
We saved it.
There you go.
But that's a good point.
I'm going to say 23, but I could do the math.
It's all good, bro.
You went higher.
Because with the way this guy's trying to.
I think I own this shit.
No, but in all seriousness, as we get older, we can maintain our age in our eyes as well.
Our girls can look at us as the young, youthful men that we are, and we can look at our girls as the young, youthful women that they are.
When?
How long do you think it will be before filters are in contact lenses?
Well, why do you maybe that's just built-in Neuralink?
Beautiful.
You choose your filter.
You choose the world as you want to see it.
I love this.
Why don't you have a beautiful, sunny day even when it's not?
Yeah.
There you go.
Oh, that would be kind of lit.
Why don't you have a window in your apartment even though you don't?
Oh, shit.
I got Florida ceilings now.
That's it.
You got to cure seasonal depression.
I just fixed the world.
Oh, you should get $25,000.
You just fix the world.
You're like a Texas 14-year-old, bro.
I really am like a Texas 14-year-old.
$40,000 for this guy.
You got to haggle your way up to $25,000.
That's disrespectful.
You got to haggle your way up.
I just saved you.
I saved you, dog.
I saved your whole life.
And you could put a filter in where you find all other women ugly.
So now you're guaranteed faithful.
Yeah, you put a filter and your girl has her bag that you lost.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's perfect.
That's it.
Nah, babe, my reality, you have all your stuff.
So we got to do this.
This is brilliant.
That might be the move.
Now, now that you bring it that way, thank you, Taylor.
You're welcome, everybody.
So Aisha Curry made herself white.
You want water?
Damn, girl.
All right, we'll stop the whole podcast.
You know what I mean?
It is what it is.
I gotta leave a little for me.
But so Aisha looks a little bit white.
Do you think if she made herself look a little bit more black, then it would be more acceptable?
But because she looks so Caucasian, it was bigger.
No, then it'll be appropriation.
But she's black.
She's not fully black.
Yeah, I don't think she's.
She's half black, isn't she?
I think so.
Half.
Half ain't full.
Point is, I think.
Everybody's American and Polish.
African-American and Polish.
Oh, that's where those cheeks come from.
Maybe they be having like the wide cheekbones.
Oh, where do they out?
Al know this is white woman, yo.
Al knows this is white women.
Yo, Al really do know his white women.
Yo, Taylor, how do you feel about that?
He knows different white women's facial structures.
Do you know how many times you've had to watch come leak off a face before you know exactly?
We need to have two different iPads with sounds for Al.
And this one is Durag Al and then one is like Alex.
White Woman Whisperer Al.
Pumpkin Spice Latte, right?
Pumpkin Spice Al.
Yo, it's pumpkin spice season.
I love pumpkin spice.
Yeah.
Come on, girl.
That might be white people's best contribution to the world ever.
What about freedom, bro?
Yeah, freedom was lit.
We invented freedom.
I'm not trying to knock the other shit.
I'm trying to say pumpkin is ill.
But do you think it might be better?
Better than freedom.
You would rather know freedom.
You'd rather know freedom.
And all the pumpkin spice.
All the pumpkin spice you want.
I might be into that.
What is freedom to you, if not unlimited pumpkin spice?
That's an interesting point, bro.
That's an interesting point.
That shit is mad versatile.
Yeah, I don't know what they're talking about over there, bro.
What y'all talking about?
This motherfucker's tapping his foot and it's just shaking the camera.
Oh, that's fine.
Taylor.
Oh, my bad.
I just hear it coming from that area.
Taylor just kind of ruined everything, Taylor.
Taylor, why are you trying to ruin it, bro?
I just see the camera just like shaking the chip.
I like nice gala people in trouble.
It's funny.
Okay.
So, Al, what else we got, man?
What else?
Oh, no, no.
You want to talk about Giuliani, son, didn't you?
I just thought it was a fun time.
Bring it down for us, though.
Yo, Rudy Giuliani's doing some press conference.
And if you see in the sound clip, it sounds like an Asian reporter is trying to ask a question.
And then he just starts doing an Asian accent at her.
And he's like, oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And I just thought this shit was so funny, man.
But an Asian reporter is not asking him a question.
Why is he doing the Asian accent?
So the full context is there's a girl that he's talking and he says something like, you're going to be the hottest model in Shanghai.
Okay.
And then he starts going, this is like off-camera, obviously, but he goes, they're going to be like, oh, we want Jacqueline Wood.
Jacqueline Wood is the most beautiful mother.
We want to hear Jacqueline Wood.
That's so good.
Jacqueline Wood.
Yeah, it's funny.
It's great.
Why is everybody so up in arms?
I mean, how many people have made fun of his stupid accent with his lisp and shit like that?
Oh, yeah.
Stop.
Like, if there's one person that has license to make fun of the way other people speak, it's someone who's constantly made fun of for the way that he speaks.
I'm going to be honest, I think he should be re-elected as mayor.
Bring him back.
Ooh, clean up the city again.
Clean up the city again.
It's about to get more dangerous.
We know who cleaned it up the first time.
Juliani.
So nipple.
Second of all, where did this virus come from?
China.
He could clean that up too.
Bang.
Oh, or at least communicate.
Hey, at least figure out, get to the bottom of it.
He could definitely get to the bottom of it.
Interesting.
Are you offended when you heard the accent?
No.
I'm not even offended if people do an Indian accent.
It's just not funny if it's not good.
But I don't knock y'all for laughing.
It's comically bad.
Comically bad, maybe I would laugh.
I usually just don't laugh, but I'm not like, guys, come on.
I just don't laugh.
And I'm like, I wish I thought this was funny.
Y'all have your moments.
That's probably how Asians feel, right?
They're just like, I don't find it funny.
Yeah, but don't like, how can he?
This is so offensive.
It's always white people doing that.
Yo, I never hear Asians, I don't want to say never, but I rarely hear Asians complaining about Asian stereotype racism.
Maybe you just don't understand their accent.
Anything about that?
No, no.
Like, what I mean, like, a Chinese person is you go, ha, then I'm like, I got you.
But if an Asian's talking to me full, like, regular addiction, I'm like, oh, what's going on right now?
That's unsurprising.
Yo, I can't understand this.
But it's funny, it's like you hear Asian jokes all the time.
I never hear Asians complain about Asian jokes.
The only time I've ever heard Asians complain is when they weren't getting into Harvard like they should.
That's the only time I've ever seen Asians protest anything.
Yeah.
And then recently there's been like some like racist acts of violence against Asians because of coronavirus, which is fucked up.
Obviously, you don't take it out on Chinese people here.
You know what I mean?
And you find out one is a spy.
You know what I mean?
Don't do that.
Bushes, watching America on the swing.
You know?
You know what I mean?
No, in all seriousness.
No, but like, yeah, obviously that's fucked up.
Don't do that.
Clearly, don't do that.
I shouldn't even have to tell you guys about that.
Don't do that.
But the accent.
But the accent, I haven't heard Asians be that upset about that.
Well, I know Shane Gurus, that guy, there were a lot of Asians that were upset about that.
Were they?
I saw some.
I mean, they're actors.
I thought it was all, it was like a white kid that started that whole beat.
It was a white kid that started it, but Asians hopped on board.
Maybe I saw like Asian actors hopping on board.
You know how actors are.
Like anything that gets me attention is worth it.
So maybe they were just hopping on board to get some retweets.
But that was when I was like, oh, we're doing this now.
We're all just offended by bad accents.
Yeah, I'm not saying the Asians aren't offended by it, but like it seems like that's not the fight that they pick.
Yeah.
Like it's, I want to get to Harvard.
That's the fight that they pick, which is a way better fight to pick if you have to pick a fight.
You know what I mean?
Like white people aren't picking the fight of like, well, you do our accent wrong.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, that's nothing.
Like, what is the fight white people are picking?
In general?
Yeah.
Guns.
You want to change it?
Guns, abortions.
Abortions.
You know, we're going to carry them.
Karen.
Stakes.
You know what I mean?
You got to pick your stakes.
You got to pick the things that you get upset about.
Death's got to be involved somehow for white people to get we need death.
Yo, speaking of abortion, are you guys fans?
Guns, Abortions, and White Stakes00:15:05
What do you know?
Are you guys fans of Fleetwood Mac?
Who is this person?
Oh, Stevie Nicks?
Fleetwood Mac.
Break it down.
So Fleetwood Mac is a band, right?
Yes.
And Stevie Nicks is the lead singer female singer in the band.
Okay.
And she says, had she not gotten abortion, there would be no Fleetwood Mac today.
You don't know if that's true.
She says it.
But that doesn't mean it's true.
She says it.
Both these points are valid.
He's not a single person.
I understand what both you are saying.
He understands what he says, but he's saying she doesn't actually know that's true.
Hold on, hold on.
Listen up, Al.
You don't know if that's true.
You just got fake news.
I am not.
You don't know if it's true.
Oh, you call Stevie?
Oh, you call Stevie, bro?
No, no, no.
Al, you don't know if it's true, though.
In all seriousness, you don't know if that's true.
He's actually right.
And I'm right.
And Akash knows why I'm right, but you don't know why I'm right.
He's right.
He's actually right.
But soon you will find out why.
Why?
Why are you right there?
Because if she did have the kid, maybe she still would have had the band.
Maybe the band would be way better.
I think it would have been a better band.
No.
I think it would have been much better.
She says with all the drug use and the way that they were working, she would have stepped away from the bed.
Yeah, that's why the band would have been better.
Yeah.
Yeah, but then you would have no bangers like you have today.
A Fleetwood Mac.
What's a banger?
What's the French?
I really don't know.
I'm trying to just go off.
The one with the Mexican guy drinking the cranberry jacket.
The only thing I know is the Mexican guy drinking the cranberry juice.
Al just trying to make abortion more okay.
That's all this whole thing is.
It's a big deal.
It's women's bodies, man.
It's their bodies, y'all.
It's their bodies.
So as long as we can tell them what to do, we got to put Al in the Supreme Court, bro.
Yo.
I'll be lit.
Al for Supreme Court justice.
That's a court justice.
Durag Al for Supreme Court.
Let's go.
We got to ask you some cases and then some bring up like the best Supreme Court cases and we'll see how you would decide on them.
Okay.
Okay.
First, Brown versus Board of Education.
Brown versus Board of Education.
What is that about?
Going Brown all day.
Let's go next.
Hold on.
Are you sure you want to go with Brown on this one?
I don't know.
Hold on, too.
Brown versus Board of Education.
Okay.
This case was about, I don't really know.
Desegregating the schools.
Integrated schools?
Desegregating schools, right?
So it was integrated.
It just so happened to be Brown, the person's name was.
You know what's ironic?
That's an unbelievable connection.
Are you sure?
I think Brown wanted to separate.
Am I wrong?
Let's find out if Al's right.
Hold on.
So Brown wants to separate.
Wow, I got that people really going to do that to us.
Hold on, Wordson.
I thought we were together on this, bro.
I see it.
Shit.
Let me see it.
Let me see.
Brown versus Board of Education was a landmark 1954 Supreme Court decision.
Brown was black.
Brown was black.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Linda Carroll Brown was the third grader who wanted to go to the white school.
Oh, come on, son.
Supreme Court.
Come on, Tom.
Hold on.
Hold on a second.
Okay.
Lightwork.
So she's a third grader that wanted to go to the white school.
What third grader wants to go to school without her friends?
I mean, it was her mom.
Oh, it's her mom.
Okay.
Because of the third grader, like, come on.
Take it to the Supreme Court.
Okay.
So, Al.
These girls keep making fun of me.
They're so mean, mom.
Go to white school.
It's going to be way easier there.
I'll teach him how to hopscotch.
She wanted to be on like a worst step team or something.
All right.
So, Al, that's number one.
You happen to get that one right.
Bang.
Number two, Plessy versus Ferguson.
Yeah.
That's like a boxing match.
Plessy Ferguson.
That's the case.
Oh, yeah.
It's Plessy versus the state of Plessy Ferguson versus the state of Missouri.
Is it Missouri?
What?
It's Plessy versus Ferguson, bro.
Plessy versus Ferguson.
So it's always going to be, isn't it always against the U.S.?
That's how they got to get up there, right?
It's like, y'all know shit, bro.
What is Plessy versus Ferguson?
Hold on, Al.
What's your ruling?
You don't even want to know the case?
Yeah, what's the case?
What's the case?
What's the case?
All right.
So basically, you have Plessy, Homer Plessy.
He's like this dude.
And basically, he wants to know if they should uphold racial segregation in public facilities.
Oh, come on, son.
And then Ferguson was some other guy.
I don't know.
Let's fuck these white women.
Ferguson all day.
So you were with your Ferguson.
Ferguson.
Okay.
Make a couple Dark Jetas.
Let's go.
Is there another one that's like kind of trickier?
Because it does seem kind of easy, bro.
Son, that's what I'm saying.
I think he voted the wrong way.
The decision basically upheld racial segregation.
And Ferguson won?
Yeah, I think so.
Nah, you don't know.
Yeah, I know he's not.
Sell out, bro.
Come on.
That's some real sell out shit.
Okay, Roe versus Wade.
Roe v. Wade, also known as.
D-Wade all day, baby.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Gabrielle Union.
Come on, son.
You can't fuck with D. Hold on.
Which one is Wade?
All-Star?
Wade is the person that wants abortion.
Okay, and why is it?
Why are you supporting it?
Oh, no.
Wade is the person that doesn't want it.
Roe is the chick that wanted it.
Oh, so you're supposed to.
So you fucked that one up, son.
You fucked that one up.
You don't even know how the fucking case went.
All right, so which way?
You say women should be able to do it.
Yes.
Gotcha.
Okay.
All right.
So are we confirming Al or not?
Yeah.
I think.
Goes without saying.
Yeah, I think Al, you can make a good Supreme Court justice, bro.
There we go.
Do-rag out, especially back.
Do-rag Al.
Respect.
I think we need to pack the courts.
I'm with Biden, bro.
I'm with Biden and Kamala.
We need to pack the courts, and we need a young Puerto Rican black man on those courts.
Can you imagine if they pack the courts for Alex Media?
Dude, that would be hilarious.
Supreme Court Justice Alex Media.
That would be so fucking lit.
It would be amazing.
Let's go.
Every fucking decision has a giant decision by Alex Media.
I think a lot of other people contributed to this.
Decision by one person, Alex Mey.
I like that.
That's perfect.
That's lit.
Oh, my God.
So you got to run for presidents, huh?
So if I run for president, president.
If I run for the president, I can nominate anybody I want to the Supreme Court, but they have to be confirmed by the Senate.
How are we going to get the Senate to confirm you?
We run for Senate.
Yeah, we got overall majority in the Senate.
We got that.
Yeah.
Taylor, easy as that.
I'm sorry.
I'm really bad at government, so I don't know which one's higher.
You think the government is good at government?
Come on, yo, we got that.
Taylor, you got it.
I don't know the requirements needed for like Supreme Court.
Requirements?
Alex AOC was a bartender.
You got that.
You got a think pad.
Heavies.
She had the.
Yeah, she did have the fatty ball.
She had the malts.
She had the best malts in the house, bro.
With the tens.
Why is that?
So why can't she be?
Do you think that's an advantage for a congresswoman?
What?
To have the heavies?
Yes.
To have the backbreaker?
You never had that?
The spinal bifida.
Yo, I cannot.
She just had a spinal bifida.
Fuck out.
Spinal bifida is very funny.
Spinal bifida.
Why are they trying to cut the A out?
It's always spina.
No, spinal.
Bifida, bro.
She had them spinal biffida.
She got some biffies.
She's popping out with the biffs.
Come on, bro.
Oh, my God.
That's an advantage.
It's so true.
Yeah, call one the house, call one the senate.
That's all you need, bro.
Yeah.
So wait, what's the problem with her being a bartender?
There's no problem with this.
She just had them fucking heavy.
She had that shit.
She did.
What's wrong with it?
You're saying there's something wrong with it.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you did.
You said that a congresswoman shouldn't have them lunchable.
You said that.
You were judging.
We're out here just trying to say there's nothing wrong with it.
You know what I mean?
If she got that crooked back from them big ass tets, there's nothing wrong with it.
Yeah, she's a hunchback of the Bronx.
That's what they call her.
She's a hunchback of no trip Bronx, bro.
The hunchback of no trip Bronx.
Let's go.
Fuck out of here, Jeff Bezos.
Yeah.
That's all it was.
She's just jealous because Bezos' head looks like one of her biggest.
That shit is perfect.
Parliament replica.
Real talk.
I want AOC to run for president.
I want her to run anywhere.
Right.
It's slow motion.
But is that crazy that half a million people listen to this podcast and we're talking like this?
I think we don't realize how popular this podcast is.
What do you mean?
Like, it's crazy.
Like, AOC's like, I think she's listening.
She might be listening, bro.
Yo, Alexandria.
Yo, hey, AOC.
What's up, baby?
Hey, AOC.
What's up, Shorty?
We got Supreme Court Justice Alex Media right here.
You know what I'm saying?
With the gavel.
You need to put the gavel down.
Knock, knock.
You know what I'm saying?
We got Mark Gagnon.
The plaintiff.
Big plain.
That's what they call me.
Oh, man.
And then we got Akash.
I'm here.
Exactly.
Ain't doing nothing.
Then we got Shultzi in the motherfucking building.
How do y'all know?
It's the wild boy hour.
It's the wild boy hour.
Jeez, you're getting me all wet with your motorboat.
Yo, it's too crazy.
Hey, if you drowning in that motorboat, AOC got a couple of flotation devices.
Oh, we're not drowning.
We don't need a piano, Jack.
We got the heavies.
That's why Leonardo Caprio died in Titanic because she didn't have the handy.
We all talk.
Yo, what?
She was built like a plank of wood.
That's all she did.
That's it.
Yo, why was that bitch on the couch on her side, but she couldn't get on her side when she was on the door?
Oh, selfish ass.
Right?
Like, why when he was down there, you don't think he was looking at her like, remember when I was drawing you, bitch, and you were on your side?
You couldn't do that.
Like that.
That's what it was.
It ain't hard.
Remember that?
It ain't hard.
Yeah.
Hey, right here.
Look.
And then we both live.
Twice as much room.
Exactly.
We both look at each other like that.
Simple as that.
It was mad selfish.
It was selfish.
No titty having slave.
AOC would have made room if she could.
I don't think she could, to be honest with you.
She's not making room.
I think she could.
She's not making room.
Yo, shout out to AOC, bro.
Is she in the Senate?
Is she married?
Say what?
Is she married?
Probably got a white guy somewhere.
Yeah, she does.
She got a white man.
Part of the LGBT community.
Because she got a white man.
She got a white man.
Why do you think she's part of the LGBT community?
She might.
Maybe she's like puss.
You think she liked that poon in there?
You think she really liked that poon in it?
Do you think she does or what?
I don't think she's never tried it.
But do you think if she tries, she might like that pin in it?
Bro, you are about to be so tight, dude.
Talk to me, dogs.
You want to see her man?
Super simp?
Riley Roberts.
What?
No, son.
Looking like a proud boy, bro.
No.
AOC's man looks like he's about to kidnap the governor for fucking Michigan.
That's a net.
That's a net.
Son.
Oh, my God.
Can you bring that super simp up onto the picture right there?
Yo.
Fucking knock off Angela fucking Prince Harry.
Yeah.
Oh, my.
What's that shit's name?
Angela?
Prince Harry.
What's the girl?
Angela Robert.
Megan Markle.
Yeah.
Megan Markle.
Oh, my God.
Angela.
I don't know.
I'm like that.
He's thinking of Power.
I think.
I guarantee you he wasn't thinking of Power.
Of all the things Mark's talking about, I don't know.
I think Mark's watching Power.
Son, Mark.
I do got a power.
I can believe he's interested in that.
I was thinking Wikipedia and shit like that.
I was thinking of Empire, man.
I think.
All right, hold on.
Can we go back to this guy?
He kind of looks like Seth Rogan's cousin or something.
He looks like Ginger Rogan a little bit.
Like the middle picture.
That Ginger Seth.
I cannot believe that.
You look like a swagless Ed Sheeran.
Yes.
Yes.
If Ed Sheeran had no swag, no musical ability.
Yo, but you know what I mean?
He might be heavy dick.
You don't know.
I don't know.
You don't think he got the big one?
You got the low rise, bro.
He got the low rise.
He's probably not the low rise.
That's fine.
He's letting that shit hang like a cholo.
Low rise.
Yo, his dick just be like this.
Yeah.
She knows what the deal was.
Yo, do you think?
Can you go to another picture?
Say what?
Is this people here orange too?
Usually, is that what happens?
I think.
Yeah.
I think sometimes.
Fire crotching there where that comes from.
Yeah.
I mean, go to my man's on the right.
Okay.
Wow.
Come on, bro.
He might listen to the podcast.
No disrespect if you listen to the podcast.
Al, can you get the picture when he's in a blue shirt?
It's bottom right.
That one right there.
That's me.
Oh, that's not.
That's Gavin McGinnis, dog.
Son.
I don't know, dogs.
I don't know, bro.
Looking crazy.
She could do better.
She looks like she's dating him in that picture.
She's like, what am I doing?
Gotta see him walk.
Watch.
Yeah, you could tell a big dick.
I believe this from Taylor.
You could tell if a guy got a.
Or Akash, would you like to finish this off?
I got jumped on that one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When they walk, you can tell how big that penis is.
Nah, because I wish I had this ability.
Go, Because I'm about to fix my walk now.
Go on, go, hold on.
Hold on.
Yo, should we all walk?
Check out my walk, Taylor.
Yeah, real talk.
Okay.
All right.
Shall we all walk?
All right.
All right.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Actually, it's an audio podcast, too.
So we're going to do that another take.
But you can tell a guy's schwanz by how he walks.
Usually.
Now, what about the way that that guy's neck and chin are the same thing?
Can you tell anything by that?
This is wrong.
This guy probably listens to the podcast.
He might eat puss good, maybe, possibly.
And why do you say that?
I mean, he has to do something, right?
Like, yo, Taylor, that's vicious.
For real, unless he fingers, you know, good.
Yo, those big beards don't hurt when they eat and puss, Taylor?
No, first of all.
Wait.
I do not.
That's not a Philly joke.
That's not a Philly joke.
I'm sure she's been with a big beard.
No, I haven't, actually.
I like mine's like, I like them like a nice trim, like never bushy.
That Christian beard.
Walking Tells and Angry Bird Mouths00:03:13
Yeah, nah.
What about what Akash has?
Like a beard like that?
That's fine.
Yeah, that's good.
All right.
Tail, Taylor.
Jesus Christ.
I wasn't making it like that, guys.
Taylor.
I wasn't making it like that.
Come on, yo.
You know what I mean?
Faithful.
Come on, bro.
Look at this guy over here, man.
But yo, he don't got no lips either, so I don't know.
He might just be a finger.
Yo, be honest.
Who got the fattest lips on this podcast, yo?
Come on, bro.
What?
Yo, who got the fattest lips?
Be honest, yo.
Don't make me uncomfortable right now.
Be honest, yo, because they think that they got fatter lips than the kid.
Who got the fattest lips on the podcast?
My lips are so fat, you think it's a vulva.
Yo, the size of a car.
No, dude.
A vulva is the top pussy part.
Oh, the vulva.
Isn't it called the vulva?
That's a car.
Yeah.
That's also that.
I've been inside neither.
I can say something real inappropriate, but I'm not going to.
Okay, but in all seriousness, who got the fattest lips?
Just squash this once and for all.
I do.
No, you're not counting.
Damn.
She got a lot of fun.
I'm going to be honest.
I don't know what she's doing.
Go, son.
I'm being regular.
Hold on.
Go on, son.
Can I just be regular, son?
Y'all trying to, you licked yours to make it more wet.
You over there trying to make yours fatter, but go.
Go.
Who got the fattest?
Who got the fatties?
Yo, who got them fatties?
Don't say me.
Yeah, Taylor.
Don't say me.
Please don't say me.
Who got them hookah suckers?
Yeah.
Who got the.
Well, then it definitely goes to the fucking Alex.
Nah.
Taylor know what time it is, son.
People like that, Taylor.
No, but who got the fattest ones?
Yeah, of the whites.
Who's got it?
Of the whites.
Of the Canadian.
Of the whites and browns.
You know, they.
What do you do?
I got the fattest ones.
Yeah, take that.
Thin lip.
You're talking about Mark and Mark only.
She said of the whites.
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Nah, but I got thicker lips than Akash.
His lips are bigger than my lips.
I got way thicker lips, dude.
I was annoyed as a verse, but now I'm actually in the face.
No, I got thicker lips, bro.
Y'all are a dead ass are tie.
It's crazy.
No, you know what's serious, though?
I have more total lip than you.
Your lips are.
I have more real estate of lip.
You have thick lips, but your lips stop here.
It's just like an angry bird.
Looks like an angry bird.
It's true.
But my shit be like that.
You got your top lip, son.
I do have top lips.
Son, that shit just looks like a little bit of gum.
I have top.
Yo, y'all got it.
My top lip is on the underside.
You're an angry bird.
Look at you.
Look at you.
I should be throwing you off a catapult.
Half a lip, yo.
Lower your mic so they can see your fucking angry bird mouth.
Look how tiny his little anteater of a mouth is, right?
It's a tiny little.
Honestly, Donald Trump could drink a smoothie out of his fucking mouth.
That's how small his spout is.
Hey, I'll be trying to widen it up.
Don't work.
So I have technically more lip.
No, that's false.
I have more lip.
There's more volume.
You got half a lip.
Say what?
You got half a lip.
That's not true.
You have lip.
You don't have lips.
You have lip.
That shit is lip.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Listen, I think we got it.
We got to end this.
Surfing, Gambling, and Jersey Pools00:03:46
Can you just give us something?
One last thing so we can.
Oh, I need to do this shout out.
I wish I did this earlier.
I mean, I'm going to talk more about this, but man, I had the coolest experience.
I was able to go to the Scoot and Surf Park in the American Dream Mall in East Rutherford, New Jersey.
Shout out to Jersey.
And there's a surf pool, Scoot and Surf, S-K-U-D-I-N Surf.
Man, they took me and a couple of my homies from back in the day, like I'm talking about since I was a child.
And we went and we surfed in a wave pool in Jersey.
And it was unfucking.
How was that mall?
The mall is massive.
Yeah.
I didn't really walk the mall because I went at nine o'clock at night.
So most of the things are closed.
But like the mall, I think, is just starting to crack open.
They're still doing some of the, oh, you got some of the videos up.
But it is so fucking cool, man.
And I had the time of my life.
And I literally was paddling around in there.
And I literally was like, I'm the luckiest person on the planet.
I love surfing, growing up surfing.
And I just thought it was so cool.
And I just want to say thank you to those guys, man.
Shouts to Will and Jay and everybody who's, you know, just allowed us to have this cool experience.
And if you're into surfing, you want to learn how to surf or any of that stuff, go there, especially now that we're in winter.
It's freezing to go in the actual water.
Go to this wave pool.
Fun, safe, cool environment.
My boy Jamil went and Jamil popped up the first time.
You know, Jamil.
Yeah.
And he killed that shit.
So it was just so cool to do.
And I just want to say thank you to those guys, man.
They just made my fucking day.
It was so cool.
And that's all.
All right, guys.
We're going to take a break for a second.
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Let's get back to the show.
Anything else we want to talk about?
No.
All right, guys, man.
Thank y'all so much, man, for listening to the podcast.
We hope you all had as much fun as we had.
This was a crazy one.
It's hot in here.
We need to fix these fucking ACs.
I feel like, right?
We need to.
We need to.
Even though there's not all black people, you have to admit it got pretty hot.
So what does that mean?
What bunked your theory?
What does that tell you that we're all the same?
I wonder.
It's not as hot as it could be, though.
Okay.
Taylor, there's only one race, and that's the white race.
I mean, the human race.
I mean the human race.
I'm a human.
I met a human.
I met a human.
I thought you were going to say master, and I was buckling up my shit.
If we had cut out the part earlier, I don't know if we're going to have that part in, but just to give some context to that, Taylor was saying that rooms are hotter if they're with black people.
The only way a room can elevate temperature, no matter how crowded, is if it's black people.
Thousand white people in a small space don't matter.
And she does not, yeah, she just doesn't believe in white hotness.
Yeah.
Which is quite interesting.
No, I see the white heartness.
Girl, keep talking.
Keep talking.
White hotness.
Anyway, guys, thank you so much for listening to Flagrant 2, man.
We'll see you on the Patreon this Friday.
You know, we do an episode on Patreon every single Friday.
Patreon.com/slash flagrant2.
It's the biggest comedy Patreon in the entire world.